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everythingsinred · 3 years ago

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Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt.7)

Well, Natsume's really in it now! Today we'll be talking about what lengths Natsume will go to in order to protect the people he loves. He's not a normal boy with a normal first crush, after all. He has no intention of wooing her or flirting. In fact, his instinct is to distance himself, and going forward we'll see that instinct is motivated by more than just a low self-esteem.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Natsume has some major character flaws. He’s kinda a jerk in general and is rude and abrasive. He’s chronically selfless and seems to be drawn to situations where he can sacrifice himself for others, which is a very unhealthy way to be. He’s also terrible at keeping his word.

Natsume only made this decision on his own, but he’s pretty bad at carrying through with it. He’s the one who told her to stay away, but Natsume will have more and more trouble staying true to such an agreement.

At first, he makes an effort: Mikan is being bullied for her stupidity and sees Natsume. He glares at her, another discouragement from coming any closer. He doesn’t argue with her or join in on the bullying.

But in no time at all, the whole class is riled up in study mode because of Mikan’s example, and for many kids in Class B, the best person to turn to for tutoring help is Natsume, who is actually quite smart when he actually does the work--though he’d prefer not to. And he does help, though not with any kind or supportive words. He’ll leave that to Mikan. Maybe to him it feels a bit like a cheat, like he can afford to give in a little bit. He later walks alongside her after an exam, like he’s part of her circle, and although he’s not really engaging with her like the rest of the kids are, it’s enough that he’s near her.

And it’s enough for the ESP and Persona to notice.

We can see the ESP looking down on them from his headquarters room, still covered in shadows to maintain his mystery, but his figure is familiar enough for a reread. Natsume has been caught and he will have to face the consequences.

Persona subs in for Makihara-sensei (and we must wonder if Makihara was really unable to proctor his exam or if he was ordered to stay away so that a point could be made to Natsume), and despite his disguise, Natsume can tell it’s him instantly. After all, he was supposed to recognize him. Natsume looks horrified.

So far, Natsume has had to more or less balance two very different parts of his life: a more light-hearted life in Class B and his life as a spy and black ops agent. They’ve been difficult to juggle because of how different they are, but they’ve been pretty separated. Here, the lines are blurring. Was there really any divide at all or was that just an illusion? Persona can invade on his happiness any time he wants, on a whim, and nobody else will notice that anything is amiss. Only Natsume will be bothered, and that’s enough.

Natsume later catches up to Persona, asking him what the hell all that was about.

Permy and his fans aren’t the only ones to notice that Natsume has been softer lately--he and the ESP have noticed as well, and he’s been ordered to put a stop to it. He mentions a “kitten of a different color” who has been of interest to the ESP too, and Natsume plays dumb, his last-ditch attempt to protect Mikan from being drawn into this.

Persona comments on the strangeness of seeing the infamous Black Cat that he trained himself, who he’s supposedly only ever seen in action, sitting and taking a test like a normal kid. He reminds him that he’s not a normal kid. There’s no point in trying so hard. He won’t make it to ever see his family again, so why even bother?

And then Persona makes a point to discourage Natsume from getting close to that “kitten of a different color”. Natsume argues that they’re the ones who made them partners in the first place! And he might as well be giving himself away. Again, Natsume seems convinced that the partners thing was a decision from pretty high up, but I don’t think it was. Here, it seems like Persona is trying to clean up the mess Narumi made before it gets too out of hand. Natsume is a perfect tool and anything messing with that is inconvenient. They can’t unmake them partners (yet) so the most they can do is threaten Natsume.

And now we can see what kind of alice Persona has. It's a real threat, killing that plant. It's a reminder to Natsume what he's capable of, that his friends and loved ones could end up just like that plant.

And so Persona does.

Natsume is anguished here, because he’s been trying his very best to avoid this situation, but he should have known that Mikan was already in the academy spotlight and his feelings would be quickly caught. It was too late from the start and he was doomed all along to add Mikan to the list of people he will do anything to protect.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

The next chapter opens with Mikan being confused and hurt by Natsume’s sudden new coldness. She has no idea what’s brought this all on, but we do. Natsume has no choice now but to completely try and cut her off. It’s for her own good, after all. If he’s not careful, she could get hurt. Protecting her is worth it, even if it means he has to be even more of a villain than usual.

We don’t see a lot of Natsume in this chapter, actually, because he’s trying really hard to stick by his word this time. We see him trip up a little, staring at her in class. When she catches him, he turns away coldly, but from this we can see that Natsume really doesn’t want to be leaving her alone like this. If he had it his way, in an ideal world, he’d be much nicer to her. Unfortunately, Natsume doesn’t waste his time thinking about his ideals, so he keeps at it, pushing her away.

The next time we see Natsume, it’s after we’ve been thoroughly introduced to the concept of the life-shortening alice. This is one hint of many that he has such an alice, several chapters before we get a real confirmation.

The scene where Natsume struggles on a bed full of pills is perhaps more dramatic in the anime, but it’s no less potent here. It’s like a sucker punch. You don’t want it to be true. He’s ten years old, for heaven’s sake! TEN YEARS OLD! And he’s suffering, hunched over, face red, gasping for air, clutching his chest, next to the biggest bag of medicine I’ve ever seen. It’s the biggest hint we’ve gotten so far, especially in the context of Kaname’s illness.

It's heart-breaking to imagine that most of the time, Natsume is simply pretending like he's not in absolute physical agony.

Kaname stays at the hospital for long stretches of time, staying for weeks and sometimes months at a time. He’s hospitalized more than he’s able to walk around free. There’s a lot to consider when that treatment is compared to Natsume’s. Natsume is the DA favorite and is sent on many missions. His trips to the hospital are never for weeks or months at a time, not because he doesn’t need the rest, but because the school can’t stand to go so long without their prize fighter. Natsume might be in even worse condition than Kaname, but there’d be no real way to tell unless we got it from him, because he has no choice but to put up with it and pretend like he’s not living in constant agony. And on top of being terribly and terminally ill, he gets physically beaten somewhat regularly… this school beats sick children and then threatens them when they find any inkling of happiness.

There is a bittersweet tone about Kaname’s story. He’s already sick anyway but he will probably die if he keeps using his alice, but he wants to, because he wants to bring people the same happiness that making Bear brought him. It’s tragic and heart-breaking, but it’s touching too. That sweetness is missing from Natsume’s appearance. His situation feels miserable and helpless in comparison, because not only does he have no way out, but nobody even knows the extent of his struggles.

He only lets himself feel this level of pain when he’s all alone in his bedroom. He’s been having a horrible past few days, having to ignore Mikan when she’s all that’s made him happy in recent memory. All that together, and we know that this night was a rough one for him.

The next day, we see everyone saying good-bye to Kaname. Once again, Natsume is completely separated from the rest of them, all alone in the classroom, sitting and looking as miserable as one can expect. It’s strange seeing him now after we’ve seen what his nights look like and just how painful they can get.

I just want him to be okay. Why is that too much to ask?

There’s some text on his panel: “I want the future I spend with the ones I love to last just a little longer.” Yet another hint that maybe his illness is more than just that. He has very little time left, and very little time to spend with his loved ones, but even worse: he can’t even spend time with Mikan because doing so would put her in danger. Even with Youichi and Ruka the amount of time he can spend with them is limited. They have their own lives and he doesn’t want to hold them back or hint in the slightest that there’s something up with him. He doesn’t want to worry or burden them. And so he sits alone in the classroom, looking despondent and lonely.

And now we know more than ever that this was never his choice: he has to be like this.

No, he’s not the asshole he makes himself out to be, somebody who doesn’t care about others and cuts others off because he thinks himself above them. All he wants is to protect people from getting too entrenched in his dark life. Natsume being this level of a jerk is a method to protect people, a method an adult would have to take.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

I’m quite relieved to have finally passed the point where the anime adapts the manga. From now on, I can focus entirely on the manga. I passed 22k words on this essay too! This whole thing will be sooooo long. I hope it’s an enjoyable read so far. It’s quite fun for me to write.

This chapter is the beginning of a long and dramatic arc. There’s been incidents of people losing their alices. The academy is withholding information about the gravity of the situation, lying that the students have not been affected so far.

But even with the little information the kids have, Class B is full of concern. Everyone is discussing these incidents, debating whether losing one’s alice would even be a bad thing. After all, they’d be able to go back home and see their families. Nonoko brings up a great point, that her alice is a part of her identity, something she loves about herself. It’s not something she’d ever willingly part with. Furthermore, she doesn’t want to leave all her friends at the academy either. Ultimately, the kids all agree that they wouldn’t want to lose their alices.

At this, Natsume stands up and leaves the room. He’s heard enough.

Natsume doesn’t just have complicated feelings about his alice--he feels hatred for it. After all, if it weren’t for his alice, he could live to a ripe old age. He could still be with his family. He could be happy, not used as a weapon by the academy to fight until he dies. He can’t relate much to the conversations about fondness for an alice. From what we can see, he’d be over the moon to be rid of it for good. This is a concept brought up now, because it will be incredibly important later on.

Not to spill about my personal life or anything, but I’m an English major (in an anglophone country so my focus is literary analysis and writing). Writing literature papers in school was a love of mine that I translated to my other interests. I’m writing what I can here about general themes and even visual parallels. I want to write as thorough an analysis as I can. Unfortunately, I can’t effectively pick apart word choices and phrases when they’re translated from another language and when so many conflicting translations may exist.

I’m saying all this as a disclaimer because I want to analyze word choice now and I am aware that this might not carry to the original Japanese or even to other versions of the English translation. (For reference, I’m using the TokyoPop versions for my analysis for the first 15 volumes and then I’ll be using whatever I get my hands on for the rest. The pics I use are from scans, but the main source I use for now is TokyoPop.)

"Nowhere!".... hmm let me read way too much into this.

Natsume leaves the room and Ruka chases after him, asking where he’s headed. Natsume responds, “Nowhere.” This might be a nothing point to make, but it stands out to me whenever I read this part. It’s a reassurance to Ruka, sure, but there seems to be more to it. On the surface, we can tell that Natsume doesn’t have a destination in mind; he just doesn’t want to be in the classroom anymore, listening to all that upsetting talk. Deeper than that, he really is heading nowhere. He’s stuck there, at the academy, unlike the rest of them who will eventually leave to go back home once they’ve graduated. Natsume will probably die at the school, trapped within its gates. He will probably never see his family again. He is, in that sense as well, going nowhere.

The rest of their conversation is just as packed with meaning. Ruka can tell something is up and he wants Natsume to talk to him, to let him in, but Natsume knows that Ruka has made a pact not to smile if he’s not smiling. So even though Ruka is asking and wants to know what’s wrong, Natsume won’t give anything away. Being miserable is one thing, but letting Ruka know that something is worse than usual would only make Ruka miserable too, and he can’t have that. The bottom of one page has him frowning, maybe steeling himself, and then at the top of the next page, he turns around with a grin to tousle Ruka’s hair.

Don't mind me. I am simply crying.

“It’s nothing,” he says with his smile, looking so gentle, and Ruka still looks concerned, but he can’t argue anymore.

In reality there’s a lot going on with Natsume. Later, when we are introduced to Tono, he mentions being concerned about Natsume’s health, having heard that he was making frequent visits to the hospital. We already know he’s sick and going on ceaseless missions, and on top of all that he has to ignore and be cruel to the girl he likes. It’s a terrible situation. But Natsume can’t tell Ruka any of this without worrying him, so instead he will keep it to himself. After all, it’s nothing that can be helped or changed. It’s something he feels he has to cope with on his own. To him, spilling his secrets would be selfish and only cause suffering.

Chapter Thirty

Iinchou has finally returned from his visit to his hometown. He’s brought gifts and anecdotes and everyone is quite happy to see him, until Iinchou attempts to use his alice and finds himself unable to.

It’s a shock to the whole class that a kid at their school has lost his alice. They had been so relieved that at least it wouldn’t affect kids like them, but now one of them is a victim too. It makes the fear much more real. If it could happen to Iinchou, it could happen to any of them.

Things get tense when Iinchou returns to class and says that this might have been the fault of a woman he encountered outside of the school, someone who was probably affiliated with Z. Everyone who was involved with saving Natsume when he was kidnapped is shocked to hear about Z again, but none more than Natsume himself. He gets up and leaves, just like he did last chapter.

He’s thinking about the proposal Reo gave, that Natsume should join Z and fight against the academy he despises. But he’s not alone with his thoughts, because Ruka followed him again, and so did Mikan this time.

She tries to ask him about Z, see if he has any more idea about what’s going on. She’s confused and he knows more than anyone what happened during that incident, but he’s refusing to acknowledge her presence, let alone answer any of her questions. He’s keeping up his charade of cruelty to keep her safe, but it’s driving Mikan crazy. She finally breaks, screaming at him that he should pay attention when people are talking to him, and further that if he has any issues with her he should just say it to her face.

Just like last chapter, we see a panel of Natsume steeling himself, ready to do the selfless thing to protect the other person. Only this time the next panel has him glaring at her, saying he doesn’t like anything about her. He hates everything about her.

Natsume has no choice but to lie all the time about how he's feeling, because everyone else must always come first.

It feels different, but in reality this is the same thing he did to Ruka last chapter. He can’t be honest about his feelings when he’s feeling upset, and he can’t be honest about his feelings when he’s actually starting to fall for a girl. He always has to hide his true feelings, repress and bury them, lie about them in order to protect everyone around him. It’s hard for him to do, but he thinks it hurts him more than it could hurt her, so he manages it.

What adds even more layers to this is that Ruka is observing the whole thing. He sees Natsume’s actions as selfless but misfires on the motive a little--but only a little.

He recalls eating strawberries with Natsume and Aoi, with Aoi cheerfully discussing her newfound love for the fruits. And so Natsume gives his to her. Aoi is surprised, because strawberries are his favorites. He responds easily, “I hate them now.”

"For you," Natsume says.

Ruka knows what kind of person Natsume is, that Natsume would reject something he loves so that his loved ones can be happy. They’re both aware that they like the same girl, and Ruka can’t help but put the math together and assume that perhaps Natsume is doing this for him, hurting himself and bringing himself pain so that Ruka can be happy and pursue a girl he has a crush on guilt-free.

He’s even more convinced of the theory with the tiny panel that reminds us of when Natsume shoved Ruka into Mikan so they could dance. Natsume loves Mikan too, but he wants Ruka to be happy, so he will give up and even ruin his own chances to help out his best friend over himself.

When I say it’s a misfire, I mean that Natsume has a lot of other things going on, including Persona and his imminent death. It’s not that he definitely isn’t doing this for Ruka, it’s just that it’s not as major a factor as other things. He’s mainly doing it because of the threats from Persona. If Ruka is involved in his thought process, it’s mainly a bonus. Ruka’s theory is definitely not unfounded; just not completely accurate.

In any case, it does add extra substance to the dynamic between the three of them, where they all walk away from the moment with completely different kinds of misery.

Before any of them can sit with their sadness, though, they receive word that an intruder from Z is at the school.

Conclusion

In this section, we explored how Natsume has no choice but to distance himself from everybody, and even how the methods he uses to distance himself look different depending on the person. Ultimately, despite the fact that he isn't the sweetest kid you'll ever meet, Natsume being cruel to this extent isn't a quirk of his personality: it's what he has to do. If he didn't have so many things being held against him, he might be much kinder to Mikan, or more honest with Ruka, but he has no choice in the matter.

In the next edition, we're getting more involved in the Z Arc and going into how come Natsume goes from telling Mikan he hates her to backing her cause and going on a dangerous mission with her.

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kaypeace21 · 4 years ago

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DID theory part 3: St novels/comics/spotify list analyses

*read part 2 of DID theory-first! You’ll be lost otherwise, seriously XD. First, I’ll say -I find the ST comics/ books as canon as the st movie inspirations . I don’t consider the books/comics ‘literal canon’ (cause they contradict the show ( like Max and billy meeting a year before s2 in runaway max - but meeting as little kids in s3, or El’s age being wrong in suspicious minds, in the d&D comic Will’s friends instead of him /Jonathan building castle byers, etc) .

So I think we shouldn’t take it literally - but more like the st movie lists - filled with foreshadowing/symbolism and other eastereggs (That the Duffers may have told them to add). So here’s some more (possible) alter / DID hints...

‘Suspicious minds’ novel

- Brenner equates k*lling rabbits to h*rting kids. And he’ll hurt (kid) Kali (the bunny in the analogy) if Terry tries running away from him . I wonder if Lonnie used a similar threat against jonathan? Jon could be giving only a partial truth to why he cried for a week (about the bunny story)?

-Kali “hops” like a bunny then talks about tigers obsessively (linking her to rabbits/tigers similar to the other alters/Will/Lonnie). Terry also imagines tigers and kali says to Alice they can all be tigers together.

- one of the only male psychic experiments (who can see the future) is gay

- Terry is into lord of the rings, like Will. Has her and her boyfriend dress as sam & frodo (m/m ship). Terry calls her and her friends “the fellowship”.

-when Terry/Alice were injected with d**gs -they hallucinated rainbows.yikes.

- Alice (like Lonnie) is a car mechanic. She can see the future like Will the wise and says “monsters of course my mind has them as long as they stayed in there, everything would be alright? Wouldn’t it?” (in her visions she saw the demogorgan).

(completed) graphic ST novels (by Jody Hozer) so far (+ other st comics).

*Jody Hozer writes all the graphic novels (every novel is 4 chapters each) - the will byers comic, number 6 comic , into the fire comic, and at the moment she’s writing the d&d series and the summer camp series (which isn’t done yet). Then there’s the occasional 1 chapter st comics not written by her.

- Number 6 has (the ability to foresee the future like Will the wise/Alice) and has an ab*sive dad.

When having a nightmare of the demogorgan ...she says as she wakes up “screw you dad” (another hint the demogrgan -aka in d&d means ‘deep father’ ...is Lonnie).

- when number 6 and others run they say they’re’ “rabbiting”(which yes technically makes sense but I found such an uncommon phrase odd.)

- The (summer camp and d&d graphic novels aren’t completed yet) but they establish d&d creatures are based off real life people the boys don’t like in real life. Or that d&d is used as an outlet to explain true events from their pasts -but they just give the true stories a d&d fantasy slant.

- Which brings me to the halloween oneshot(not by Hozer),taking place before s1. Will tells a scary story told to him by Jonathan, and originally told to him by Lonnie. Says the boys have to keep it a secret cause it was something he was never supposed to tell to anyone. Mike says he has to finish the story he started. It’s about a “ch*lld-eater” monster first attacking a boy near the quarry (like where Will was found) and attacking kids in a library (where Will was also found in s1).When the child sees the sheriff she bangs on the library door begging for help-he ignores her , walks away, and tells the other cops to never speak of what they saw as she screams for help. Because the previous sheriff was in kahoots with the monster. It def had some ... uh questionable imagery too 0_0

The vine in the mouth is also like the one in Will’s mouth (when Joyce found him in the library).And of course Dustin asks whether or not something like that could be covered up.

- In the “bully comic” (about troy) also not by Jody. We focus on Troy and his ab*sive dad (who encourages him to fight/ditch his best friend). The dad has a drinking problem (gets fired), calls Troy a “mess” , pushes him, and constantly encourages Troy to be vi*lent/macho. He pretty much tries sabotaging the relationship Troy has with his friend (which I could see Lonnie doing in the future with byler).The dad/troy is framed similarly to when Billy gives Max a ride home- after both ab*sers give bad advice saying not to hang out with their friend (after witnessing them fight in the school parking lot). Dad also laughs about almost k*lling a squirrel (a trait we see troy mimic)- and we see El feel guilty about k*lling a squirrel in s2. At the end of the comic- Troy (like Will) after making up with his bff james- moves leaving his best friend behind.

- (into the fire) Twins: (one was normal with no powers living in the real world and the twin with fire powers is trapped in a dark sunless “cold” world styled like a psych facility/medieval fantasy) . pics in link.She hated her reflection cause it reminded her of being betrayed by her normal non powered twin who left her behind in the ‘cold’ place. She’d call herself a ‘hunter’ who would defend herself and attack others to never be hurt again. Her powers being unleashed were described like opening “a door.” And she loves her twin deep down and just wants friends . And fire twin goes to the “other side” to reunite with her reflection and find happiness in the real world. *also there’s sunflower/bunny symbols which she lights on fire-which can relate back to Will/Terry/Lonnie etc. The twins = Will & Will the wise (mf)

Mirrors also connect to Will and Will the wise via the canon spotify playlists too.

Will playlist (song: mirror in the bathroom)-Mirror in the bathroom Please talk free.The door is locked -Just you and me.Mirror in the bathroom recompense for all my crimes of self defense.Cures you whisper make no sense!Drift gently into Mental illness.

Demogorgan playlist ( from perspective of Will the wise aka the mf) (song: are you dead yet? )-”polluted soul through a mirror I behold.Throw a punch, shards bleed on the floor. tearing me apart. but I don't care anymore.Should I regret or ask myself are you dead yet?Wake up, don't cry. Regenerate to deny the truth. The fiction you live in blindfolds your eyes. Disclosure, self loathing, this time you've gone too far.Or could it be, my nemesis, that you are me?

(*st ‘into the fire’ comic. the fire powered twin’s thoughts echo the song)

*I think this foreshadows the later plot points of mf (will the wise ) and Will interacting via mirrors. The fire-wielding twin and the non powered twin had a lot of mirror imagery. Including the fire powered twin (Who denies reality/and imagines herself in a fantasy world) punching her reflection because it reminds her of her non-powered twin. Here’s some cover art from the novels showing how much they emphasize mirrors.

*And in s4 movies Black swan - “the black and white swan twins (two halves of the same person-Nina)” had creepy mirror imagery. In long kiss goodnight the women with DID talks to her “ (supposed)dark 1/2″ via a mirror (in a dream). in ‘the visit’ the teen girl who’s dad abandoned her when young- refuses to look in the mirror (and it’s never explained why she hates her reflection). So yes I think we’ll see this in s4 or 5. We already see the mf take on the appearance of Billy when talking to him.

- Will in “zombie boy” comic is afraid he’s a monster.

also lets appreciate the lil byler moment of Mike and Will being the only zombies and mike comforting him. honestly , though, the characters were pretty out of character for most of this 1 ch comic (until the end) tbh.

- in the “d&d comic” mf is (possibly) described as a “protector” (aka like how i said the mf is probably a perpetrator alter- which are misguided protectors).

*update now that it’s finished... hinting Will created everything subconsciously.

‘Runaway Max’ novel (before s3)

(I didn’t get time to read this book unlike ‘suspicious minds’ -so can’t show screen shots of everything others talked about. May read it eventually)

-Max compares Billy to ‘her monster’ and a ‘shadow’ that will attack anyone that comes close (mf parallel).

- Dart k*lled a cat, El’s papa tried to force her to k*ll a cat. And Billy when seeing a d*ad cat lights it on fire for a “viking funeral”. A connection to WW (who has fire powers) and El & dart.

-Max and Billy both are into cars and bond over fixing them (similar to Lonnie’s interest in fixing up cars). And since Lonnie tried to brag to Jonathan about fixing a car up and Will is into tech it wouldn’t be a stretch that Lonnie and Will were into fixing cars together (like Max/billy who would hang out at a autoshop in Cali) . Similar to Will ,max says hanging with Billy wasn’t always so bad- which made things more confusing to her.

- Max compares Billy being beat up by Neil: to ‘punching a pocket of a baseball glove’. This is interesting since this book was pre-s3 which was when they established the connection of billy and his dad to baseball (similar to s1 saying Lonnie taught Will baseball).

-Billy’s friend is a nice ‘music snob’ . He tries distracting Max with music while Billy is burning the cat. Which reminds me of Jonathan trying to distract Will from their parents fighting in the next room-with music

- Max’s bio dad is a criminal who takes her to shady bars, and Max fears he’d ‘get bored of her’. Max also ran away from her mom to her dad’s 2x.Which reminds me of Jonathan thinking Will ran to Lonnie’s in s1.

-Max mentions how Billy misses his friends after moving out of Cali. And he starts acting even worse-after the move. Which will probably be the case for Will (at least a bit) when moving to California.

-Billy tells Max Neil isn’t his ‘real dad’ either because Neil can’t be a father to anyone.

-Billy also tells Max who (at the time ) is 12 years old not to act “easy” and breaks her best friend’s (Nate’s) arm over someone joking he was Max’s boyfriend and also cause Nate tried to get in between Billy bullying Max. Eventually all her Cali friends ditch her cause they’re afraid of Billy.And Ugh- why could I see Lonnie doing something like this in the future with Will/his new friends.

- Creepily Max says Billy doesn’t fool around with her like other girls not because of her age or being family. But cause she wasn’t ‘attractive’. This whole excerpt gave me the heeby jeebies,on so many levels, honestly. Almost like he’s jealous- and controlling her cause he doesn’t want Max to have any love interests. Maybe i’m just missing the context? But ugh... excerpt:

Will byers secret Files

-Hopper gets scared by a pumpkin-scarecrow. And in Will’s canon journal when talking about the mindflayer and his nightmares draws the same scare-crow , Hopper saw. There’s also a lot of s4-5 foreshadowing in the book... but that’s a post for another day.

Darkness on the edge of town (Hopper novel)

*didn’t get time to read this (except the preview)

I think it’s more foreshadowing for future seasons though- cult/supposed ritual k*llings, people being wrongly blamed for those crimes-like the hellfire club , most likely. (similar to the guy number 3 in the number 6 comic) saint john in the novel also has the same brain control powers as 3- similar to the mf. .” When a blackout plunges the boroughs into chaos, Hopper must escape the the mobs in the streets to make sure his family is safe and stop Saint John from fulfilling his prophecy.” I already talked about here- how the next few seasons would start having more religious symbolism/a future apocalypse (based on what we’ve seen in the show/s4 movies). Although, i think there’s quite a few differences between (the novel’s) saint john and Will the wise. Hopper is also a star wars nerd like the boys (alter hint)

Canon spotify songs (posted after s2/before s3) hinting at DID/ alter /lonnie stuff-

Will and Will the wise (aka the mf) being an alter

*Used Will and the demogorgan playlist (which i think has perspectives of Will the wise aka the mf, demogorgan, and Lonnie).

Besides the mirror songs previously mentioned...

Will (cold inside)-Doctor the problem's in my chest.My heart feels cold as ice but it's anybody's guess?Doctor can you help me cause I don't feel right?Better make it fast before I change my mind. Doctor can you help me cause I don't feel right?Better make it fast before I change my mindWell it's cold, cold, cold, cold inside. Darker in the day than the dead of night Cold, cold, cold, cold inside...Counselor give me some advice Tell me how hard will I fall if I live a double life?

El (ghost)-your ghost, the ghost of you.It keeps me awake.My friends had you figured out.Yeah they saw what's inside of you. You tried hiding another you.But your evil was coming through... living in the shade Your cold heart makes my spirit shake.

El (monster Lead me home)-I don't know what, what I was afraid of, I was afraid oooof...Monster take me somewhere...We walk in shadow.Monster lead me home.Where there is no place to hide.Stranger on the other side We walk in shadow.Monster lead me home.

The’ innerworld’/ other hints Max, El, Hopper, and Billy are alters of Will’s

Max (Logical song)-I know it sounds absurd. Please tell me who I am, who I am, who I am, who I am?

EL(Buzzcut season)-I remember when your head caught flame It kissed your scalp and caressed your brain ...nothing's wrong when nothing's true. I live in a hologram with you Where all the things that we do for fun . Play along (make-believe it's hyper real) But I live in a hologram with you.

Billy (broken bones)-Broken bones.Stay alone. If I see only what I believe -reality's bound by what I conceive

Max (Why can’t i touch it)-Well, it seems so real.I can see it.And it seems so real-I can feel it.And it seems so real-I can taste it.And it seems so real-I can hear it.So why can't I touch it?

Hopper (breakers)-Just to keep me from losing my mind .It's so easy to drown in the dream.Oh, and everything is not what it seems This life is but a dream.Shatter illusions that hold your spirit down ...From the inside, so it seems.Oh, I'm telling you it's all a dream It's all a dream It's all a dream It's all a dream It's all a It's all a dream.”

Max (comfortably numb)-When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse out of the corner of my eye.I turned to look but it was gone.I cannot put my finger on it now.The child is grown.The dream is gone.I have become comfortably numb.

Max (Kids aren’t alright)-Still it's hard Hard to see Fragile lives, shattered dreams...What the hell is going on? The cruelest dream, reality.

El(team)-Livin' in ruins of a palace within my dreams. And you know we're on each other's team

Hopper (denial twist) ( just change ‘she’ to ‘he’)-Just because she makes you feel wrong she don't mean to be mean or hurt you on purpose, boy!Take a tip and do yourself a little service...by playing a different role Ya, by playing a different role, oh.The boat ya you know she's rockin' it.And the truth well ya know there's no stoppin' it.So what, somebody left you in a rut and wants to be the one who's in control.But the feeling that you're under can really make you wonder.How the hell she can be so cold?So now you're mad, denying the truth.And it's getting in the wisdom in the back of your tooth

El (the story)-You see the smile that's on my mouth.It's hiding the words that don't come out.And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed.They don't know my head is a mess.No they don't know who I really am.And they don't know what I've been through

El (hero) ( pretty much alludes to El being a construct of Will’s mind similar to his juju zombies in the d&d story he wrote )-Who knows what you'll find when you look inside (billy’s mind)?Haunted beach (billy flashback), roll the dice.The zombies in the corner aren't amused (d&d ref).Play the part of the blushing bride...Out of view, cloaked by night...My spirit dims, but I feel the force"No longer in my hands," (loses powers) .I say to you .I could've been a hero, I could've been a zero.Could've been all these thingsI could've been nothing, I could've had something.Could've been all these things.And if I am unable, tell him that I'll try but underneath the table will spin the wheel and hope for gold. Oh, and where it stops, nobody knows.

Max (it’s real)-I don't know who's behind the wheel.Sometimes I feel like I don't know The deal.But when I tell you how I feel-Believe me when I say It's real.I skated on a frozen Sea.It's real as far as I Can see?

Max (Halloween)-Because your role is planned for you there's nothing you can do.

El (White rabbit... alice and wonderland/lonnie ref)-And if you go chasing rabbits, and you know you're going to fall...When logic and proportion have fallen sloppy dead.

demogrogan(Dimensions of horror)-Gaze upon the ancient face you dread (lonnie)... Passing through the doors, into Dimensions Of Horror. Haunting visions from the past, rise once more.Realms of darkness, terror, death and gore.Scream in fear, your sanity is lost

demogorgan (SCHORCHED)-Terrorizing madness. Vivid dreams. internal. Hallucinating the unknown. Abstract entities prey.Through superhuman abilities.Fragments of memory erased.

demogrogan (Calling from a dream)-the shadow king...seven spirits (7 ref) Swarming around his head.Close your eyes.Listen to my call. Our bond will bring us together again.I will wait for you. For our hearts still beat as one.Listen to my calling from a dream. (integration?)

Maybe a coincidence or a hint at Will having both male &female alters?Billy (dude looks like a lady)- What a funky lady...Oh, he was a lady.Dude looks like a lady. Hopper (turn the page)-All the same old cliches,"Is that a woman or a man?" Max ( rebel rebel) (this was on her her pre s3 spotify list + post s3 “wrapped list”)- you got your mother in a whirl, doesn’t know if you’re a boy or girl?

SHIT DAD/ AB*SIVE FAMILY

*trigger w*rning ahead for dark themes like s**ual ab*se

demogorgan (my children)My children I never loved them.Why feel that way when their existence is my business?My children...feral vessals of my selfinterest...So don't lean on me man 'Cause I ain't got nothing to give.Don't lean on me man 'Cause I ain't got nothing to give.My children they're right behind you My children they're gonna beat you.My children if you let them Oh, oh, my children.

demogorgan (black dahlia-window): I’m not quoting the lyrics you can just look it up. it’s messed up.Based on the 1st person pov of Gilles de Rais -k**ler and p*d*rest who also kidnapped a cleric.

Will (creature comfort)-Some boys hate themselves.Spend their lives resenting their fathers... hate their bodies .Stand in the mirror (another mirror ref) and wait for the feedback.Some boys get too much, too much love, too much touch.

Jonathan’s Playlist- We’re happy family: “Eating refried beans (poverty). Gulpin’ down Thorazines (pills for a mood disorder). We ain’t got no friends (s2 ref). Our troubles never end. Daddy likes men. Daddy’s telling LIES.”

Jonathan’s playlist-Enter sandman: “Don’t forget my son. Sleep with one eye open. Gripping your pillow tight, Exit light, Enter night. Take my hand, we’re off to never-never land. Something’s wrong, shut the light, heavy thoughts tonight. Dreams of LIARS and of things that will bite, yeah. Hush little baby don’t say a word, and never mind that noise you heard. It’s just the beasts under your bed, in your closet in your head.”

Jonathan (The killing moon-guy sings this)-So soon you'll take me up in your arms. Too late to beg you or cancel it. Against your will!He will wait until you give yourself to him...In starlit nights I saw you.So cruelly you kissed me... unwillingly mine.

jonathan (haunted)-You and I both know that the house is haunted And you and I both know that the ghost is me. You used to catch me in your bed-sheets just a-rattling your chains.Well back then , it didn't seem so strange...In the midnight hour..I was busy trying to charm that snake. When the sun came up we had no place to hide...You and I both know that the house is haunted yeah you and I both know that the ghost is YOU! You used to walk around screaming, all slamming all 'dem doors Well I'm all grown up now and I don't scare easy no more But you and I both know.

Hopper (Confession)-Now I'm on the low Confession, to a virgin ghost Admission, force you know.

hopper (Tomorrow ) Yeah, and back when s*x and amph*tamines were the staples of our childhood physique.

Max (Last caress)-I got something to say.I k**led your baby today.And it doesn't matter much to me.As long as it's de*d.Well I got something to say.I r*ped your mother today.And it doesn't matter much to me.As long as she spread. (Lonnie pov? Neil?messed up song to be on Max’s list)

hopper House of the rising sun- And my father was a gamblin' man Way down in New Orleans... And the only time he's satisfied Is when he's on a drunk

Max Poor relations-An attitude, no patience, he's paper thin.Talking over everything you have to say...Don't correct the things he said, what's the use?Can't handle violence.Can't handle violence.Learning to love the abuse you can't live without.Your familiar oppression, your daily injustice...That loser man that belongs to you, he's ruling you.

el (sweet dreams are made of this)- Some of them want to use you ...Some of them want to ab*se you.Sweet dreams are made of this...Hold your head up.Keep your head up, movin' on.

Max (Alternative ulster)-They say they're a part of you.And that's not true, you know.They say they've got control of you.And that's a lie, you know.They say you will never Be free, free, free

max In bloom-”Sometimes at night I let it get to me.And last night it had me down and feeling NUMB...And thinking back upon those days Way way back when I was young.I was such a little shit.Cos I was always on the run.Well you know just what they say-Just like father then like son.Don't delude me with your sympathy.Cos I can do this on my own.And this will be the last time-That I break down and wanna crawl to bed. “(since Billy has a playlist I found this song choice being on hers instead of his interesting- in fact almost all of Max’s songs are from the 1st person perspective of a boy unlike the other gals.)

Max (comfortably numb)-The child is grown.The dream is gone.I have become comfortably NUMB.

hopper (numb)-Honey, here I go again Down that crooked road of sin.My momma locked me out again And hung me high to rust under the rain I am NUMB( 8x)....Little bluebird at my window Sing a pretty song for me Don't you know that you can fly, fly, fly away Don't you know that you can leave I am numb.

other psych songs

Hopper (life of sin)-Every morning when I rise I look in the mirror (another mirror ref) and despise the sight of everything and all that I've become. The level of my medicating some might find intimidating But that's alright cause' it don't bother me none.

Max (Moon over marin)- “Dive in my scalding wooden tub (connects to mf/el)...There, wasn't that a nice visit?Don't forget, a psychiatrist is on duty twenty-four hours a day in the blue room...Drink plenty of water when you take these.Now you can relax.” ( I wonder if stranger writers saying to “drink plenty of water” is secretly a line said by a psych person in s4?)

Max (Feeling ok)-My doctor says that I should take it -At least I won't have to keep faking.I know, someday I'll find it-Where I, I least expect it.Today I know I feel ok.

Max ( Going gets tough)-.No home since the fire.Me and the ash can't settle down...So I sink another round-Placebo for pain.And there's no one for to blame . I refuse to accept-That my work is all in vain...Still always remembering .When the going gets tough .That the labor of our love-Will reward us soon enough.

Max (Comfortably numb)-Hello? (Hello? Hello? Hello?)Is there anybody in there?Just nod if you can hear me.Is there anyone home?Come on now-I hear you're feeling down.Well I can ease your pain .Get you on your feet again.Relax // Now I've got that feeling once again.I can't explain . you would not understand.This is not how I am. I have become comfortably numb.I have become comfortably numb //Okay (okay, okay, okay)Just a little pinprick.There'll be no more, ah .But you may feel a little sick.Can you stand up?I do believe it's working, good.That'll keep you going through the show.Come on it's time to go// Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying.

Explanations of Why the mf (WIll the wise)behaves the way he does

demogorgan (ww) (Cowards starved)- friends think of me as a priest.I had to show them that the weakest hands Can still make impressive fires. (aka MF = will the wise)

demogorgan (ww) (Unmerciful):I will be reborn...Tranquil demeanor.Now devoured.Surfacing malice...I can't reconcile the torment others bring unto me.I will not take any reproach.Turning the other cheek.Relentless hatred consumes.Control released.Absolved of all compassion.I am free .Look into my hate filled eyes and tell me What do you see?Surging aura of my rage Paralyzing you in fear.

Demogorgan (ww) (bodies-Beaten why for (why for)?Can't take much more.(Here we go, here we go, here we go).One, nothing wrong with me,Two, nothing wrong with me.Three, nothing wrong with me.Four, nothing wrong with me.One, something's got to give.Two, something's got to give.Three, something's got to give now...You're all by yourself but you're not alone...Driven by hate consumed by fear.

demogrgan (ww)-Orbs used as transmitters carry electromagnetic beams from above (affecting magnetic fields in the show).Silence, manipulated, tortured ...How immune is your system of suffering?Its in the blood of suffering (familial ref).Its in the blood.

Demogrgan (Monster)-I shoot the lights out..Whoa, just another lonely night...None of who you get it, ain't nobody cold as this.A zombie (will ref) with no conscience .Everybody knows I'm a motherfucking monster. Everybody wanna know what my Achilles' heel is? Love I don't get enough of it.

#stranger things #will byers #stranger things comics #did theory

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harrowdubois · 4 years ago

Text

okay, i said if there was interest i would think about making a post listing all the references i squeezed into the locked tomb fic i spent the last month or so writing, and now i’ve realised i don’t care if there’s interest because i want to be self-indulgent SO

under the cut is a (somewhat spoilery) chronological list of all the memes, vines, and cribbed tumblr posts, as well as homages to various books, tv shows, song lyrics, etc. that made their way into blessed with a wilder mind!

(cw for suicide mention)

this is of course a reference to the legendary bodybuilding forum thread where they did, actually, argue over how many days there are in a week (cw for ableist slurs in the thread)

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buzzfeed unsolved meme. i am dirt and i love to eat dirt

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this is so well-known it’s almost not worth listing it but oh my god they were roommates

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in itself, this isn’t a reference to anything in particular, but if you didn’t do this on your first read then i’d recommend taking another look at this scene and thinking about the specific wuthering heights/frankenstein/rebecca excerpts discussed by harrow and mercymorn but in relation to canon!harrow’s trauma/relationship with the body in htn :~)

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also not really a reference to anything in particular but when i looked back over the fic for this post it struck me that the ‘sex panther’ phrasing was probably at least partially unconsciously inspired by the shoebox project (professor mcgonagall’s oiled man panther was a formative moment for me, truly)

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cw gross/unsanitary: it’s the tinder poop window incident. i mentioned this in the end notes of the fic as being what i had in mind for that scene but if it’s too gross for you (UNDERSTANDABLY) then feel free to Death Of The Author me to your heart’s content!

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i listened to a lot of orville peck while writing this

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very very very loosely inspired by this clickhole article

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respectively: fourth of july by sufjan stevens / wuthering heights by emily bronte

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TWO BROS, CHILLIN IN A HOT TUB, FIVE FEET APART BECAUSE THEY’RE NOT GAY

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there was absolutely no need to stretch this across three paragraphs, and yet

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iconic

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i already linked to this one in the end notes of the fic itself, but it’s good, so here it is again

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i can’t find the actual original post but it’s this fucking horrible thing

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the last line is a reference to the secret history by donna tartt:

“Could it be because it reminds us that we are alive, of our mortality, of our individual souls- which, after all, we are too afraid to surrender but yet make us feel more miserable than any other thing? But isn't it also pain that often makes us most aware of self? It is a terrible thing to learn as a child that one is a being separate from the world, that no one and no thing hurts along with one's burned tongues and skinned knees, that one's aches and pains are all one’s own. Even more terrible, as we grow old, to learn that no person, no matter how beloved, can ever truly understand us. Our own selves make us most unhappy, and that's why we're so anxious to lose them, don't you think?”

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a lyrical double whammy!

from ‘last words of a shooting star’ by mitski: “they’ll never know how i’d stared at the dark in that room with no thoughts like a blood-sniffing shark”

from ‘a better son/daughter’ by rilo kiley: “sometimes in the morning i am petrified but can’t move/awake but cannot open my eyes”

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shout-out to maybe my single favourite video game moment, the encounter with the sky cat in night in the woods: “There is a hole at the center of everything, and it is always growing. Between the stars I am seeing it. It is coming, and you are not escaping, and the universe is forgetting you, and the universe is being forgotten, and there is nothing to remember it, not even the things beyond. And now there is only the hole... You are atoms, and your atoms are not caring if you are existing. Your atoms are monstrous existence.”

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“Nothing is ever fulfilled, not until the very end.” - rust cohle, true detective s1, this reference is VERY tonally dissonant because in context it’s actually grim as all hell but w/e w/e i couldn’t resist the shout-out

also harrow quotes from the goldfinch again here! i had the reference included before i read this post and realised tamsyn muir also quotes from the secret history in htn. terrible synergy

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they are in fact all real. you’re welcome

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this one’s doing a lot of work lmao. it’s paying homage to this quote by tamsyn muir talking about the draco-in-leather-pants trope in relation to ianthe by loosely referencing drop dead gorgeous, the best drarry fic ever written, in which harry is part veela

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“It's a very Greek idea, and a very profound one. Beauty is terror. Whatever we call beautiful, we quiver before it. And what could be more terrifying and beautiful, to souls like the Greeks or our own, than to lose control completely? To throw off the chains of being for an instant, to shatter the accident of our mortal selves? Euripides speaks of the Maenads: head thrown I back, throat to the stars, "more like deer than human being." To be absolutely free! One is quite capable, of course, of working out these destructive passions in more vulgar and less efficient ways. But how glorious to release them in a single burst! To sing, to scream, to dance barefoot in the woods in the dead of night, with no more awareness of mortality than an animal! These are powerful mysteries. The bellowing of bulls. Springs of honey bubbling from the ground. If we are strong enough in our souls we can rip away the veil and look that naked, terrible beauty right in the face; let God consume us, devour us, unstring our bones. Then spit us out reborn.” - that’s right it’s another reference to the secret history, with a little bit of mary oliver (tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?) sprinkled on top for flavour

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a small one, but it’s the goldfinch again: “And I feel I have something very urgent and serious to say to you, my non-existent reader, and I feel I should say it as urgently as if I were standing in the room with you...”

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my FUCKING cinnamon apple

what if i... put my minecraft bed.... next to yours... aha ha just kidding.... unless?

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[cw: suicide discussion in these next two]

robyn can have little a rust cohle quote, as a treat.

1. “I'd consider myself a realist, all right? But in philosophical terms I'm what's called a pessimist... I think human consciousness is a tragic misstep in evolution. We became too self-aware. Nature created an aspect of nature separate from itself. We are creatures that should not exist by natural law... We are things that labor under the illusion of having a self, that accretion of sensory experience and feelings, programmed with total assurance that we are each somebody, when in fact everybody's nobody... I think the honorable thing for our species to do is to deny our programming. Stop reproducing, walk hand in hand into extinction; one last midnight, brothers and sisters opting out of a raw deal.”

2. “This... This is what I'm talking about. This is what I mean when I'm talkin' about time, and death, and futility. All right, there are broader ideas at work, mainly what is owed between us as a society for our mutual illusions. Fourteen straight hours of staring at DBs, these are the things you think of. You ever done that? You look in their eyes, even in a picture, doesn't matter if they're dead or alive, you can still read 'em. You know what you see? They welcomed it... Not at first, but... right there in the last instant. It's an unmistakable relief. See, cause they were afraid, and now they saw for the very first time how easy it was to just... let go. Yeah, they saw, in that last nanosecond, they saw... what they were. You, yourself, this whole big drama, it was never more than a jerry-rig of presumption and dumb will, and you could just let go. To finally know that you didn't have to hold on so tight. To realize that all your life - you know, all your love, all your hate, all your memories, all your pain - it was all the same thing. It was all the same dream, a dream that you had inside a locked room, a dream about being a person.”

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ahaaa this one’s particularly rough. evil monkey no one alive dot jpg

“Later, that dozy embrace solidified in his memory as the single moment of artless, charmed happiness in their separate and difficult lives. Nothing marred it, even the knowledge that Ennis would not then embrace him face to face because he did not want to see or feel that it was Jack he held. And maybe, he thought, they’d never got much farther than that. Let be, let be.” - annie proulx, brokeback mountain

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a TRIPLE lyrical whammy!

- harrow’s words to gideon in the dream are a bit of a vague reference to the song ‘adventures in solitude’ by the new pornographers (”we thought we lost you/welcome back”) - gideon’s words to harrow are a reference to the song ‘blush’ by wolf alice (”you’ve got two hands to take all you can/but don’t take too long”) - what harrow texts to gideon is a line from ‘about today’ by the national, aka the most devastating song ever written (”hey, are you awake?/yeah i’m right here”...)

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i CANNOT find a clip of it but harrow’s repetition of “life is short... it’s short” was me paraphrasing from memory a line from pride (2014), because i am the worst

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spooky scary skeletons!

“jail for gideon” is obviously a reference to the “jail for mother” tweet that tm also referenced in htn. so, not original in the slightest, but it’s a great tweet

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one of my favourite tumblr posts

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because naberius tern absolutely would watch rick and morty. he would. i know it in my heart.

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and that’s it, i think. hope you enjoyed this horrid little post and my horrid little fic!

#the locked tomb #books #robyn posts

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fandom-collective-writers · 6 years ago

Text

A Competition for Your Hand

@yumekiseki (Why won’t it let me @ you??)

Lancelot, Sirius, and Harr “compete” to ask MC out to dance.

Title: A Competition for Your Hand

Fandom: Ikemen Revolution

Character: Lancelot Kingsley, Sirius Oswald, Harr Silver

Genre: Romance, comedy, fluff

Warnings: None

Intended Gender Audience: Female Audience

Word Count: 2123 words

Shameless self promo: My dA (main platform, has a lot of things)!

Other comments: Enjoy! Sorry it’s being posted late~

» » » » » » » » » » » » » » » » ♡ « « « « « « « « « « « « « « « «

After living in Cradle for two weeks, you came to the conclusion that you wanted to stay and help the Black and Red Army come to a peaceful agreement. If anything, the armies and the neutrals needed someone to mediate their discussions, and since you had the ability to counteract magic, that made you the perfect candidate. Although you wanted to return home, you had also grown attached to all of your friends in Cradle. Imagining a world where they might hurt each other… pained you too much to leave them.

Every day you had been trying to convince everyone to set aside their pride and try to work to an agreement. Lancelot would not let it go that the Black Army was responsible for the death of his father., Sirius, who was representing Ray, was trying to keep his cool, and Harr looked like he wanted to hide under the table.

“Enough!” you cry, standing up and slamming your hands on the table. “This has gone long enough. If the three of you want peace, you have to try. I think it would do the good for the citizens of Cradle to see some attempt at harmony. I suggest a ball or dance of sorts to boost moral around everyone.”

The three of them are rather surprised by your words, but then nod in agreement.

“And where would we host this ball?”

“Here,” you explain. “In neutral territory. And everyone is invited, no matter their social class, whether they’re part of the Alack Army or Red Army, or anything else. And the three of you will announce that you will be hosting the party together as to show everyone your efforts to be friends again.”

No one could come up with a reason against your suggestion, so the next day, you worked with the seven from the Black Army, the seven from the Red Army, and the neutrals to coordinate everything so that the ball could be hosted in a week.

You loved see everyone working together – Luka and Seth paired with Jonah (despite the Clemence brothers’ constant quarreling) to work on the decorations and layout of the ball. Fenrir, Zero, and Loki brainstorm security plans and the best way to accommodate so many people. Kyle and Edgar reluctantly helped Oliver decide on a menu (that will likely contain only sweets and alcoholic options). Lastly, you helped Ray with invitations while Sirius, Lancelot, and Harr scrambled around trying to help other groups.

None of them wanted to sit down and do work together, so you glared at them and told them to clear the ball room with the help of the armies.

Once in the grand room, Siris tried to diffuse the situation by striking up conversation. “Do you think this dance will do much to help Cradle?”

Harr continued to sweep, not really paying much attention to Sirius’ words. Lancelot, on the other hand, scoffed and shook his head. “Alice may think that childish games like this will help, but the source of the disunity stretches back too far. She is naive really…”

“Don’t say that about Alice!” Harr protests. “She’s trying, which is better than what can be said about you.”

“What is that supposed to mean..?” Lancelot demands, his eyes flickering with red light.

“Enough both of you,” Sirius calls, his deep voice ringing through the room. “(Y/n) wants us to work together. Why you insist on not trying is beyond me, and I also do not understand why you call her Alice. She has a name, and you should address her as such.”

A silence falls over the three of them until Sirius huffs. “I was thinking about asking her to accompany me to the dance. As a sign of good faith and appreciation for everything she’s done.”

“Because she would want to go with <i>you</i>?”

“When you say it like that, it just sounds like you wanted to ask her for the same reason,” Harr comments as he counts the number of candles they would need for the chandeliers. Lancelot turns away from both of them and tries to leave, but Sirius presses the matter. “Come now, we used to be friends and tell each other everything. Surely elaborating wouldn’t be too much to ask of the Red King, wouldn’t it Lancelot?”

If he could, Lancelot would be blowing steam out of his ears at the moment, so he whips around and glares at Sirius and Harr. “Alice would much rather dance with me. And to prove it, I’ll ask her first.”

“What if you’re both wrong… maybe she would prefer to go with me. Both of you can be overwhelming at times,” Harr blurts out in a soft voice.

Sirius laughs, enjoying the irony of the moment. “It seems like we’ve all been taken with (Y/n)’s beauty and determination. Who will be the one to catch her attention?”

Harr’s Attempt

You’re trying a tart for the desserts when Harr wanders into the kitchen.

“Harr! Would you care to try this? It’s very tasty and I think that the portion is enough to satisfy guests without worrying about having to throw leftovers away.” You offer him your fork so that he may have a bite of the mini pie.

He steps forward and eyes you. “Are you sure you don’t want me to get another fork?”

“As long as you’re fine with it, I don’t mind. I’m not sick or anything,” you giggle in response. “It’s an apricot tart, but it’s the perfect balance of sweet and sour!”

With your hand cupping under the edge of the tart, you raise the fork to his mouth urging him to try it. Harr can feel the tips of his ears turning red as he bites the piece of tart off the fork – an indirect kiss with you and now his heart is pounding in his chest.

“What do you think?”

“It’s really good,” he admits, taking a step back.

“I’ll have to let Jonah know so that we can order these by tonight. The ball is the day after tomorrow and these need to be made the day of.” Harr has frozen in place, so you press a hand to his shoulder. “Are you alright there?”

He immediately jumps at your warm touch, and then shakes his head bashfully. “Do you think you’ll be going to the dance with someone?”

“Me? I don’t know really… I’ve been too busy planning everything to consider it. Why do you ask?”

Harr tries to swallow his embarrassment, but instead becomes overwhelmed by your presence. Because he’s standing so close to you, he can admire the smallest details that make you beautiful. Your soft skin is flawless, and you smell like a forest of wildflowers. Why would you want to dance with Harr of all people?

“No reason. And I think I hear Lancelot calling for me. See you later!” he says in a rush before running out the door.

Sirius’ Attempt

“Little lady, do you think you could remind me what time we have to be here tonight? I was planning on helping Ray with his formal attire, and I wanted to plan ahead so that we wouldn’t be late.” He bats his long eyelashes at you as he waits for an answer.

“Perhaps an hour before we open the gates? Just to make sure that everything is in place.” You mess with one of the bows on a nearby chair before stretching. “I can’t believe that the ball is tomorrow… how time flies.”

Sirius runs a hand through his hair. “You’ve been working the hardest, (Y/n). Have you been remembering to take care of yourself?”

Waving your hand you brush his words off. “Yes yes, I’m alright. Don’t worry about me really.”

But Sirius does not accept your answer. “When was the last time you slept properly?” His amethyst eyes cloud with worry, making you feel appreciated. “If this ball is the reason you become ill, I will be very upset, little lady.”

“Sirius! Your job is to worry about the party. It’s surely more important than me. I’m fine, I promise.”

He catches your hand and pulls you close, so that there is barely a foot of space between the two of you. “I could ask someone to relieve me just to ensure that you are alright. You are very important to the future of Cradle, but also to me. Do not underestimate your value, (Y/n).”

You flush immediately and try to take a step back. “You’re too kind. But I promise,” you repeat, crossing your head with your index finger, “I’m good.”

Sirius bows his head. Asking you to the dance now would be too much. He notes this and gives you a small smile. “I will take my leave and see to some other last minute preparations. Until tomorrow, little lady.”

Lancelot’s Attempt

You’re running around making sure that everything is in place before you retire to your room to prepare for the ball. Because of your chaotic morning, you forgot to eat breakfast, and as you dash through the hallways to the other side of the castle, you lose your footing on the carpet and trip. You’re expecting your nose to land into the purple velvet of the ground, but someone catches you before you do.

“This is not how the representative of peace should be completing her work. Do you do everything so haphazardly?” Lancelot asks, pulling you up from your semi-suspended state. He makes sure that you’re on both feet before letting go of your wrist.

“Sorry,” you mutter, flattening out the creases in your skirt. “My head is spinning, and to be honest… I’m feeling a bit faint.”

Lancelot raises an eyebrow at you. “Are you sure someone else can’t take your duties. Sirius or Harr...?”

“No! Everyone is far too busy at this point.”

He scowls and pulls the ripple in the carpet backwards with his shoe, making it flat as it should have been. “Perhaps the cause of your accident is due to your inability to watch where you are going… Then again, you should listen to Sirius when he reminds you to eat. The man says it enough times in a day that I get a headache from it.”

This makes you giggle, but you curtsy and thank him. “I have two left feet to be honest. I don’t know how I’m going to dance properly tonight,” you admit with a grin.

“I’d offer to help you, but there isn’t nearly enough time until then.” Immediately after the words leave his mouth, Lancelot scolds himself for not taking the chance to invite you to be his date. “Speaking of, you should probably tend to your duties. At a slower pace though…”

“Thank you again, Lancelot. See you in a few hours!”

Sirius waves at Harr and Lancelot before striding across the ballroom to meet them. “This is a very successful event. I’ve seen many dance couples that are from different sides, meaning our hopes of integrating the populations is working.”

Lancelot huffs, the air blowing his blonde bangs away from his eyes for a moment. “But I don’t see Alice at either of your sides, so I wonder if the so called ‘competition’ still is in effect…”

Harr raises his hand to point ahead. His jaw has fallen open, and he cannot find his words.

You’re on the other side of the room, speaking with Ray, and you are absolutely stunning in your gown. The fabric ripples across your skin and makes you radiate with beauty. The three of them gawk as you turn and smile.

It only takes a few moments for them to scramble to your side.

Sirius is the first to compliment you: “Little lady… you are the most gorgeous person here. I must confess that I did not expect you to take my breath away as you have…”

His words make you blush, so you cover your mouth with a hand and bow your head in thanks.

Lancelot takes a step forward. “For someone with two left feet… I have to agree with Sirius. You look like an angel in your dress.”

Harr wants to chime in, but he’s still looking for words to describe you.

And then, before anyone can ask anything, you clap your hands together. “Would the three of you care to dance with me? You’ve been working so diligently and your efforts are truly amazing. I couldn’t possibly only dance with one of you though… I’d embarrass you with how awful of a dancer I am!”

The four of you burst into friendly laughter, leading Sirius, Lancelot, and Harr to forget about their competition.

67 notes · View notes

cycwrites · 6 years ago

Text

The Reckoning - A Fic Tease

Fic Tease time again. The Bella Reunion post USO Tour. I swear I’m going to end up writing all of PP3 in teases unintentionally.

Nowish takes place March-July 2017, USO tour happens March 2018, Tattoos in Aprilish 2018 and this is after.

Fair warning – this is only a partial chapter and could change a bit when it’s finally included in the actual story.

Rating: Teen

Words: 8200

Also on AO3

A Shared Lifetime - All my works in my alternate timeline so far, including my other fic teases.

Thanks, as always, to @tiny-maus-boots for the above and beyond Beta/Editor work she does.

Saturday, June 23, 2018

~B~

“I texted CR to let her know we’re here and about to check in.” Beca looked up as Stacie opened the rental car door to let her out of the backseat. “Thanks, babe.” She groaned as she got out and stretched her legs. It wasn’t a long drive from the airport to their hotel, but after the plane ride even she was feeling a little cramped.

“Think they’re readying shots for us again?” Aubrey asked from the other side of the car as she opened the door for Chloe.

“Probably.” Beca leaned back and felt her spine pop back into place. “I quite enjoyed being handed vodka shots when we walked in at Barden last year. I just hope Amy keeps away from the Tequila this time.” She shuddered. “It doesn’t even taste good, why do we keep doing it? Better yet, why do I keep drinking till I throw up?”

“But I held your hair back and everything.” Stacie ran her hand through Beca’s hair. “I didn’t think such a small body could hold that much vomit.”

“I did.” Chloe walked around the trunk to wind her arm around Beca’s waist. “I’m just glad you were there to get her to the bathroom.”

“Eh.” Stacie shrugged. “You and Bree were dancing. B and I were only gone a few minutes. I’m just glad Aubrey came prepared.”

Beca made a face. “Me too.” Aubrey, based on past experiences, had taken the precaution of bringing four different mini toothbrushes as well as a mini tube of toothpaste in her purse that night. “I’d take any version of Amy’s Aussie Surprise over Tequila. Someone please remind me of that tonight when I’m drunk and making bad choices?”

Aubrey laughed as Stacie popped the trunk open. “No promises, love.”

“You just want to get me drunk and take advantage of me.” Beca moved to the back of the car and took Aubrey’s bag out before she could.

“I don’t need you drunk for that,” Aubrey leaned down and purred in her ear, her voice deliberately deeper.

“Aubrey Marie Posen, do not start that right now.” Beca closed her eyes as a shiver went through her, having to lean on the edge of the trunk as her legs felt momentarily wobbly. “We promised we’d just drop the bags off and go right to the convention room. You give me that voice now and we’re never going to make it.” Which, Beca knew, was exactly the response Aubrey was trying to provoke and one that she was more than willing to give into.

Aubrey laughed and ran her hand down Beca’s arm. “Sorry.”

“Yeah, I don’t know that I believe that.” Chloe said from where she leaned against the side of the car, watching them. “I think you just like it when Beca’s all horny and can’t do anything about it.”

As Aubrey only smiled, the heat of which caused Beca to shiver again, Stacie gently moved Aubrey away from the trunk before she could grab more than their shared carry on and began to help Beca unload the rest of their bags. “I know I like it when she does that.”

“To you or Beca?” Chloe smiled as Beca handed her the small bag that held their combined toiletries.

“Yes.” Stacie answered absently, scanning the trunk for anything left behind. “Watch your fingers. I’m awful fond of them.” She looked to make sure everyone was clear and then closed the trunk. Fishing the keys out of her pocket, she hit the lock before replacing them so she could grab the handles of both her and Aubrey’s rolling suitcases.

Beca did the same for hers and Chloe’s and headed for the entrance to the Miami Hilton. “You guys are the worst.”

“That’s not what you said last night.” Aubrey said, her voice skirting the line between Normal Aubrey and Sex Voice Aubrey. She laughed when Beca almost tripped over her own feet. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’ll behave.” She waited until they had almost reached the door. “At least until tonight.”

Beca felt her stomach tighten with desire and groaned. “Oh my god. I can’t believe you just…” She trailed off. “How long do we have to stay at this thing?”

“It’s tradition to close it down.” Chloe said, smiling at the doorman who held the door open for them. “Thank you.”

“That feels like a year away.” Beca groaned.

“Won’t that just make it all the more fun when we’re back in our room?” Stacie whispered in her ear as they joined the back of the small line waiting to check in.

Beca drew a deep breath and tried to wrestle her hormones down long enough to deal with the desk staff. “You’re right. I’ll stop whining.”

She shuffled forward in line, Aubrey and Chloe talking about their previous Bella group as they waited, and reminded herself that she was about to see her self-made family. It had only been a few months since their return from overseas, but she missed them already. Spending time with them was never a bad thing, even if her mind was already trying to envision three beautiful women naked under her in bed.

In short order they’d checked in, gotten their keys and were headed up to their room. As Aubrey opened the door and led the way, Beca whistled as she wheeled in their luggage. “Okay. This is fancy.” She moved the suitcases against one of the walls and turned in a circle. They’d all vetoed the idea of separate rooms and had decided to get one of the Bay view suites. It had a separate bedroom with a king sized bed and a large living room area; they had paid for the room in advance when they’d booked it just after Christmas, thinking to entertain the Bellas over the weekend. The sofa bed would hopefully keep the rest of them from thinking too hard about why they’d gotten a single bed room.

Now, however, Amy had booked a presidential suite with the balcony, thanks to her newfound fortune, and likely would do a lot of the entertaining up there. At least until Bumper showed up the following day and Amy kicked them all out for a while. Amy had also generously paid to extend all their stays for an extra few days, giving them time to explore the city and hit the beaches.

“Just wait till you’re a big music star, B.” Stacie said as she brought over her suitcases. “You’ll be in those suites that have three bedrooms and a parlor or the presidential suite soon yourself.”

Beca frowned. “We don’t even know that the album I’m going to have to start thinking about will sell.” Aubrey snorted on her way to the bathroom. “We don’t.” Beca insisted then grinned. “But if I do, I guess I’ll just have to find excuses to bring you all with me, since we’ll have so many bedrooms and all.”

Chloe kissed her on the cheek and patted her on the ass. “You’ll be great.”

“Damn right she will.” Aubrey agreed as she walked out of the bathroom. “Okay, that shower stall is big enough for at least two.”

Stacie laughed. “Wait – is that why you wanted to get this room?”

Aubrey lifted one delicate brow. “You got a problem with that?”

“Not at all.” Stacie said as she walked over use the bathroom herself. “You know we’ve all got a shower fetish.”

“Now, at least.” Beca laughed. “And it’s entirely your fault, Bree.”

Aubrey shrugged. “You’re welcome.” She handed out room keys to the rest of them. “But we gotta go, unless anyone else has to use the facilities?” She looked at Beca with a knowing smirk. Beca stuck her tongue out as her bladder reminded her of its existence, slipping into the bathroom when Stacie came out. “I’ll text Cynthia Rose.” Chloe was next and then Aubrey was ushering them out the door.

“She said Concerto C, right?” Stacie asked as she hit the button for the elevator.

“Yes. Ballroom level.” Aubrey answered absently, looking into the mirror by the elevator and combing her fingers through the ends of her hair.

Beca watched her for a few seconds, realizing that Aubrey had done the same thing in the room. At the time, Beca hadn’t really been paying attention, since Aubrey had also tied her Bellas scarf in place around her neck. But looking at Aubrey now, alternating between fluffing at her hair and adjusting her scarf, Beca could clearly see the nerves. But before Beca could move, Stacie was there.

She put her hand on Aubrey’s forearm to still it. “You look beautiful, Bree.” Stacie gave one final adjustment to Aubrey’s scarf and linked their fingers together.

Aubrey smiled. “Thanks, love.” Her hands finally stilled under Stacie’s touch.

Beca smiled gently, watching how Aubrey immediately settled under Stacie’s touch; implicitly believing her over her own insecurities that Beca knew whispered in the back of her mind. Stacie was always so soft with Aubrey, so loving and gentle and the ‘forever love’ between them had always resonated deeply within Beca as it was the same as she shared with Chloe. It was real and deep and, though she’d never admit to having one, Beca’s insanely strong romantic side had always considered Staubrey’s slow burn love affair a beautiful, if sometimes heart wrenching, romance.

Now that love was shared between the four of them and Beca sometimes thought she’d burst from how happy they all made each other.

The four of them piled into the elevator and Beca pressed the button for the ballroom floor, feeling her own nerves start to rise. Beca forced herself to stop tapping her foot, afraid Aubrey would pick up on her tension and let it spin her back up.

Even though That Whore Alice™ hadn’t been at any of the reunions, Beca always became keyed up just before they walked in. This year was even worse, knowing more about how awful she’d been to both Aubrey and Chloe for three years. She knew Stacie had moved from being angry but amused and willing to let Beca fight for their girls honor to ‘I’m going to rip this bitch apart with my bare hands.’

As adamant about ripping into her as Beca was, she was equally sure that Aubrey wouldn’t want them to make a scene. That she would insist that they just put everything behind them even as she played with the scarf at her neck the entire time, screaming out her nerves for anyone who knew her body language as well as Stacie, Chloe and Beca did.

The door opened and Aubrey and Chloe stepped out first, Beca and Stacie like bookends on either side. Following the signs, they made their way around the corner and down to where most of the event rooms opened into a large foyer. Following the sounds of music – Taylor Swift’s “I Knew You Were Trouble” – and laughter to the third set of doors on the left, they walked into the room, Beca and Stacie still bracketing the other two.

Stopping just inside the doorway, they surveyed the room, looking for familiar faces. Cynthia Rose hadn’t told them where their table was, but even in a room filled with almost two hundred Bellas, they should be easy to find. Beca bopped her head, wondering who had control of the music as the song changed and began playing another Swift song, “Bad Blood”. Not that she minded Swift and this particular video always made her laugh because ‘The Trinity’ looked like Emily but usually DJ’s liked to switch up the artists to keep people from being bored. Maybe she should have taken them up on the offer to do the music this year.

“I see you two are still with the anti-Bella and the college tramp. I thought you slut bags were paired the other way. Or do you deviants just wife swap?”

The unpleasant voice broke into Beca’s musing and she looked in confusion at the woman who stood in front of them. She wore a condescending sneer, clearly amused with herself, and without even knowing who she was, Beca hated her on sight. Then she felt Aubrey stiffen beside her and the realization of who this was and what she had said washed over Beca like a wave of heat. She swore her vision tinted red as she went from casual to volcanic in the space of a heartbeat.

“Yes.”

Chloe’s voice knocked Beca – already thrown from suddenly being confronted with the woman she’d spent the past six years despising – further off balance. She turned her head and blinked at Chloe, who was standing contentedly on Aubrey’s other side. Peripherally she realized that they’d drawn a crowd that formed a half circle around them.

That Whore Alice™ paused, whatever sarcastic comment that she was about to say dying on her lips. “Excuse me?” The tone, however, that was still pure vile bitch and Beca felt her jaw clench again.

“Yes.” Chloe repeated patiently, as if to a small child. “To both. And it’s goooood.”

And, in front of every single Bella in attendance, as Taylor Swift sang the most fitting song for this long overdue confrontation, Chloe pulled Stacie down into a kiss that looked like it was guaranteed to pull the breath from her lungs and make her forget about anyone else around them.

Beca, torn between watching what was always one of the hottest things she’d ever seen and That Whore Alice’s™ reaction, gave a mental shrug. Chloe had put them on this path and Aubrey hadn’t run out of the room in panic or thrown up on anyone. Yet – though she did maybe look a little bit green. If there was ever going to be a moment to have that stress reaction come back, this was it. Since she hadn’t, Beca hoped Aubrey would be okay with what she was about to do.

She slipped her arms around Aubrey’s waist and prayed she’d follow Beca’s lead as she turned them both to dip Aubrey into the most dramatic, cliché movie moment kiss. Thankfully Aubrey relaxed enough to let her and Beca felt herself warmed by the trust in those green eyes. She smiled gently before looking up, her eyes hardening. “Jealous that she never let you kiss her when you tried, egg breath?”

That Whore Alice™, who had been watching Chloe and Stacie essentially going for the deep kiss world record, look over at Beca, her shocked expression switching back to anger. Beca gave her a small vicious grin before looking down at Aubrey, watching carefully for any sign of panic or disagreement. When she didn’t see either of those things, and in fact Aubrey was looking at her with a hint of dare in her eyes, Beca let herself close the distance between them and kissed Aubrey deeply and thoroughly.

Beca tried to channel all her anger into tenderness, wanting to make Aubrey feel safe and loved even in the midst of her literal nightmare come to life. Aubrey returned the kiss hesitantly at first then eagerly, her body relaxing further into Beca’s embrace as her right hand cupped Beca’s cheek. Eventually Beca heard Chloe came up for air and, reluctantly, lifted her head.

“That’s never not hot.” Stacie fanned herself, turning as Beca brought Aubrey up from their dip. Stacie reached across Chloe and briefly, gently, gripped Aubrey’s wrist. Right over the watch she’d given Aubrey for her birthday last year. The one that reminded Aubrey that Stacie was always with her and kept her centered.

Chloe’s face was flushed as she reached up and wiped off a smudge of her lipstick from Stacie’s face. “I’ll say. Makes me want to go back upstairs to our room.”

Beca snorted as she watched Aubrey carefully for signs of distress and found nothing but love. “You’re the one who told me that we had to close the place down because it’s ‘tradition.’” Beca strove to keep her voice light, all too aware of the ball of anger standing beside them.

Chloe shrugged. “I’m allowed to change my mind.” Beca noticed Chloe was also watching Aubrey carefully, though she didn’t think it was obvious to anyone but the three of them. Chloe ran her hand down Aubrey’s side where her tattoos lay hidden under her dress and Aubrey relaxed just a fraction more.

“Yeah, B.” Stacie winked at Beca. “Chloe’s definitely allowed to change her mind if it means we get to go back up and make use of that king sized bed.”

Beca, desperately trying to ignore the fact that they were now the central focus of the room, shrugged. “It’s not like I’m going to argue getting naked.”

Aubrey cleared her throat. “While that sounds like heaven, love, I think the rest of the gang would be disappointed if we didn’t stay.”

Beca linked her right hand with Aubrey’s left, deciding that ignoring the former Bella captain was the best course of action. She was afraid if she looked into that disapproving face again, she’d lose what little control she had over her anger. Aubrey’s hand in hers kept Beca grounded as much as she was trying to reassure Aubrey that she was loved.

As the four of them detoured around her, That Whore Alice™ turned in place and watched them go. Just when Beca thought they were in the clear, she spoke up behind them.

“They’ll end up leaving you too, Posen. Everyone does when they realize you’re just a one note show.” She scoffed and let out a bray of unattractive laughter. “I mean, if daddy doesn’t care, you can’t expect anyone else to.” She snorted and Beca thought she sounded like a bull. “And really, can you blame them? You’re such a disappointment. Unable to hold a team together for one single year? I knew you’d screw it up.”

Beca felt her pulse pounding in her face as her blood pressure shot up. Someone to her right practically snarled and she couldn’t tell if it was Stacie or Chloe. Her left fist was already clenching as let go of Aubrey’s hand with her right and turned, taking a step forward. She was already picturing the connection of her fist to that bitch’s jaw despite the portion of her brain that was telling her Aubrey would not want her to cause a scene. But that part was steadily shrinking and gave up without a fight when she saw the cow standing there, one hand on her waist as the other waved up and down in Aubrey’s direction. Sneering at Aubrey like she was trash.

Beca was going to tear the fucking bitch’s head off.

There was a flash of red, the sound of air whistling around a fast moving object followed by a loud and meaty smack.

By the time Beca’s brain had parsed out what happened, That Whore Alice™ was flat on her back with a wrathful Chloe Beale standing over her, blue eyes flashing like the embodiment of Zeus’ own vengeful lightning.

Dimly Beca realized the song had changed to “Look What You Made Me Do.” It didn’t even start at the beginning – it jumped straight to the chorus a minute in.

Ooh, look what you made me do Look what you made me do Look what you just made me do

‘That DJ is on their game,’ she thought idly, jarred right out of her anger for several incredible surreal moments.

Dazed, the prone woman put one hand to her already swelling eye and started to push to her feet but stopped with a flinch when Chloe pointed at her. Aubrey stepped forward and put a restraining hand on Chloe’s shoulder but the redhead merely patted it without turning around.

“You just stay down there on the ground where you belong.” Chloe’s voice was quiet and all the more deadly for it. “You have always been a bitch and I see nothing has changed since you graduated. You are a horrible, spiteful and jealous person who takes their own insecurities out on others and I’m not going to stand for it anymore.” Chloe looked up at the crowd, most of which took a step back, to Beca’s amusement. “Your minions aren’t here and even if they were, I’d still try and take you apart before I let you say anything else mean about Aubrey.”

“Chlo,” Aubrey slid her hand to Chloe’s back. “You don’t have to…” She trailed off Stacie stepped over and put her arm around Aubrey’s waist. Beca took her hand again, feeling the slight tremor in Aubrey’s fingers before they tightened on Beca’s own. She raised their hands and pressed her lips to Aubrey’s knuckles.

Chloe didn’t even slow down. “You’re trash, Alice. You were a slut in college so you called everyone else a slut bag to make yourself feel better. You apparently also had repressed lesbian tendencies as you tried to kiss Aubrey your senior year. Fortunately Aubrey has better taste.” Chloe paused to smirk and even in her anger, Beca wanted to laugh because she knew Chloe was remembering her first taste of Aubrey. “Beca may have been the ‘anti-Bella’ at the start, but she’s the one who helped us win finals. Her arrangement is the one that helped us win Worlds.”

Chloe paused to take a deep breath and Beca wasn’t ashamed to admit she was in awe of her normally laidback wife. Though, really, she shouldn’t be surprised as Chloe had always been fierce in her defense of her loved ones.

“And Stacie was never the college tramp, you sad little hag.” Chloe spit out contemptuously. “Just because you had to sleep around to get anyone to spend time with you doesn’t mean everyone has that problem. Stacie has more class in her pinky than you will ever have in your entire. Worthless. Body.”

Beca looked over at Aubrey and could see she was warring with an almost giddy delight at watching Chloe take their tormenter apart and a rising worry about the repercussions of the past few minutes. Stacie, her arm firmly around Aubrey, merely grinned with glee. Beca could relate – while she desperately had wanted to be the one to take her out, she’d have been willing to let Stacie do the honors; after all, it sounded like Aubrey had taken the brunt of things. Neither of them had even suspected that Chloe would literally beat them to the punch.

Beca couldn’t lie. It was hot.

That Whore Alice™ finally pushed herself to her feet, her left eye almost all the way shut now. “My lawyer liked that.”

Aubrey let out a startled laugh. “Did you actually just quote ‘Scream 3’ at us?” She laughed again when Alice flinched. “You would be the person who would memorize a line like that to try and sound cool.” Aubrey shook her head, already digging into her purse and pulled out one of her business cards. “Call my office, they’ll arrange a meeting.” She tossed the card and it bounced off That Whore Alice’s™ chest and Beca stifled a laugh as she jerked in reaction. Aubrey closed her purse and looked back at her, disdain practically dripping from her words.

Beca was thrilled to see Aubrey’s paralysis break as the confident and strong women Beca had always known came forward; to watch as Aubrey finally reclaimed - for good - those small pieces of herself that Alice had shaved off with every horrible word spoken over three years.

“As Chloe’s lawyer, I advise you both to stay away from each other the rest of the night.” Aubrey took a step forward though not enough to bring her out of Stacie’s grip. “And as their lover,” her wave encompassed the three women around her and Beca heard the love and pride in her voice. “I’m telling you that you better not come near us or I’ll let them do what they’ve been dreaming of doing since they found out all the shit you put us through during college.”

Stacie eyed That Whore Alice™ as if she were a particularly disgusting bug. “You ever come near any of my girls again, I will end you.” Her voice was knife sharp and Beca felt the steel in it. She took a step past Aubrey and smiled with satisfaction when That Whore Alice™ took a matching step back. “They will never find your fucking body.” It was said with such finality that even Beca was impressed, a little nervous and lot turned on.

Beca shook herself and forced the weight off her shoulders. “C’mon, let’s go find the girls. She’s not worth a single second more of our time.” She felt lighter having said it and even more as the truth of it settled and she let go of her rage. “She’s just a small person who needs to make others suffer so she can get off on it.” Beca eyed her disdainfully. “You’re less than nothing.”

Already dismissing Alice from her thoughts, Beca turned to the rest of them. “I need a drink. I’ve got a really bad taste in my mouth.” She knew she’d said the wrong thing before she’d finished speaking and could only watch as the sly smirk spread across Stacie’s face.

“We’ll take care of that later, Baby. Don’t you worry.” She urged Aubrey forward with the arm around her waist and collected Chloe with her right. “But we can definitely drink first.”

“Dirty bird.” Aubrey said casually as they moved into the space left by the crowd that parted like water, tugging Beca with them by their linked hands.

“That’s why we love her.” Chloe agreed as the music changed again.

“Seriously, when the fuck did our life become scored by Taylor Swift,” Beca said, exasperated as “Shake It Off” started playing. She looked around and began to laugh as she saw Cynthia Rose step away from the DJ platform to their left. “Oh for fucks sake. Of course it’s one of ours.”

Familiar faces appeared in the crowd as one by one the rest of their Bellas surrounded them.

“Our table is over here, slugger.” Ashley half bowed and pointed the way. “Jessica went to get some ice.”

Beca let go of Aubrey’s hand as they reached the table and pulled out a chair. “Madam.” She grinned when Aubrey rolled her eyes and sat. Stacie had done the same for Chloe and when she would’ve sat on Chloe’s right, Beca pulled on her arm. She knew Stacie still needed to be near Aubrey, still able to feel the waves of emotion rolling off her usually reserved friend. Stacie smiled gratefully at her and took the seat Beca held out. Patting her shoulder, Beca moved over to the seat on Chloe’s right.

“I’m sorry I…” Chloe began but Beca shook her head. She knew Chloe didn’t need to apologize for bringing their relationship to the open; she could tell by the utter lack of tension in Aubrey and Stacie that they weren’t remotely mad either.

“No need, Chlo.” Aubrey put her hand on Chloe’s arm.

“None.” Stacie rested her hand next to Aubrey’s and they both smiled. Beca heard Chloe’s breath hitched once and knew she needed to provide a distraction before Chloe started them all down the path to waterworks.

“Let me look.” Beca gently took Chloe’s hand in her own and inspected it carefully. “Can you move it?” Chloe wiggled her fingers and Beca let out a sigh of relief. “Good. I almost broke mine when I punched that guy at regionals.”

“Aubrey was totally turned on by that, by the way.” Chloe said casually as the rest of the girls took seats around them.

“What?” Beca looked up with a laugh. “I was sure you were going to kick me out of the group.”

“Totes. At one point I thought she was going to start yelling things like a coach from the sidelines.” Chloe grinned at her best friend.

Aubrey shrugged and leaned on the table. “Looking back at it… yeah, it was hot. My brothers still ask me to tell them the story at least once a year.”

Beca rolled her eyes. “You should never have told them that at Thanksgiving. They still call me Rocky.” She looked up as Jessica brought over a baggie of ice wrapped in a towel. “Thanks, Jess.” She took it gratefully and placed it over Chloe’s knuckles who winced. “Sorry. But this will keep the swelling down.”

She was completely aware that they were the center of attention and was trying to avoid dealing with the events of the past ten minutes. Focusing on Chloe’s hand gave her some breathing room to sort out what she was feeling.

There was worry – maybe a lot of worry – because she knew what they had would never be considered normal. Most people couldn’t or wouldn’t understand it. And the women sitting at this table were her family and she was afraid they would turn their backs once they knew it hadn’t just been said for Alice’s benefit.

There was some relief at finally having it in the open – keeping secrets from their friends had never sat well with her, no matter the fact that she had agreed with the others to keep it just theirs for the time being. That had been especially true of the last few months. It had grown more difficult to remember not to run her hand through Aubrey’s hair or lay on Stacie’s back when Jessley was over.

Part of that difficulty was that they’d essentially lived together since they got back, migrating from one house to the other in a group 90% of the time. But most of it was the fact that they were still skittish after the events in France. Their reassuring touches and kisses had remained constant and maybe even more frequent after Chloe and Beca had got the second half of their ‘gay wedding vows’ as Beca called it, mostly to keep from crying whenever she thought of their matching tattoos.

One way or another, they wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore. Either they would be accepted or… they’d be left alone. Beca tried not to think about the pain that would cause her and took a deep breath.

‘Time to face the music.’

But when she looked up, half braced for disgust, she found nothing but love and acceptance. Emily was practically vibrating in her seat next to Beca, her grin so wide Beca was surprised it didn’t hurt.

What she didn’t see was surprise.

“Holy shit.” Beca stared around the table, seeing Aubrey’s head turn sharply toward her. “You guys already knew, didn’t you?”

There was a pause that felt like an eternity before Amy spoke into the silence. “It’s not like you guys were really subtle about it on the tour.”

“Or since we moved into our house,” Ashley added. “I think the number of times you guys have kissed thinking we weren’t in sight is up in the double digits.”

“Triple,” Jessica said with a grin. “It’s cute as hell to watch you guys catch your breath and try to not look all mussed up.”

Beca groaned and lowered her burning face to the table. “I may need your ice, Chlo.”

“I can’t believe you guys didn’t say anything,” Chloe murmured as she reached over to stroke Beca’s hair with her left hand.

“Wasn’t our story to tell.” Jessica offered. “Isn’t that what you always say?”

“Though, if we’re being honest,” Cynthia Rose said. “We may have started a betting pool two years ago. After the first all group Disney trip.”

“What are you talking about?” Beca rolled her head to look at her. “That was right after we all got married. We didn’t even know then.”

“Yeah, but…” She trailed off, taking out her phone as she thought. “The way you guys interact – honestly since you guys moved – was like four interconnected pieces. You weren’t just anticipating Chloe’s needs, but Aubrey’s and Stacie’s too. All of you were, really, but it stood out with Beca because she’d only done that before with Chlo.”

“You were like that in our first trip.” Emily offered almost hesitantly. “If I didn’t know you guys, I’d have had a hard time telling who was actually dating who.”

Aubrey finally spoke up. “And you aren’t…”

“Aubrey Posen-Conrad, you better not be about to say ‘disgusted.’” Flo sat up straight in her chair. “You know us better than that. You’re family and the four of you have created something amazing and there is no shame in love.”

“It’s beautiful.”

They all looked in surprise at Lilly – though Beca supposed it was ‘Esther’ today, since they could hear her so clearly. Beca wasn’t sure yet about this whole ‘Lilly was Satan’ thing, or the fact that she seemed to move easily between the girl they’d known for the last seven years and this new persona three months ago. She decided her prior decision was best – react based on who she seemed to be on a given day and, at the worst, apparently Satan was on their side as he had helped them win the ICCA’s and Worlds. Beca barely avoided the trap she’d gotten stuck in last time, which was wondering if a capella was the devil’s music after all. That spiral had lasted a weekend until the other three had pulled her out of it with enforced naked cuddling.

“You guys mean that. You… really don’t care?” Stacie said slowly.

“Just because it’s not everyone’s normal doesn’t mean that yours is wrong.” Emily shrugged. “My mom says the world would be a happier place if people would stop worrying about whoever everyone else was fucking and have more sex of their own.”

The laugh that left Beca was loud, ragged and more than half a sob. “You can’t swear, Legacy, it’s too ado-.” She broke off and blinked rapidly as her words finally sunk in. “You told your MOM?!”

“It was an accident!” Emily grabbed Beca’s hand. “The day I played my song for you guys over Skype, Aubrey almost kissed you and I ran into my doorframe when I figured it out.”

Stacie gave a delighted laugh. “I told you. Totally should’ve bet.”

“I ended up with a small black eye and mom wanted to know why.” Emily squirmed in her chair. “I’m still a terrible liar…”

“We know.” Amy snorted then laughed when Emily flipped her off. “You’re getting more and more Beca-like after every visit, Legacy.”

“…and I told her what I thought I saw.” Emily grinned at Amy then looked back at the four of them. “I’m really sorry. I know I shouldn’t have, but… She wasn’t surprised either. Not after last year’s reunion.” She looked at Stacie and grinned. “You put your boobs on Beca’s head and she didn’t try to kill you.”

“Still before we’d figured it out ourselves.” Beca shook her head. “Seriously, why am I always the last to know these things?” She sat back in her chair and put her hand on Chloe’s thigh, needing the contact to stay grounded as her emotions swirled chaotically through her.

She was surprised she didn’t have whiplash from the violent swing from protective rage through fear of losing their friends to the current feeling of giddy joy and relief making her heart swell with extremely schmoopy happiness.

She looked over at Chloe but was instead greeted by all three of her girls watching her affectionately. Her heart skipped a beat and, without thinking, she spoke. “I love you.”

‘I am so fucking mushy.’ Beca thought to herself.

“We love you too, sweet cheeks.”

Beca flushed at Ashley’s sly tone. “Oh my god. You guys have been saving up all your teasing, haven’t you?”

Cynthia Rose nodded. “You have no idea.”

“But you wiiillll,” Jessica said, practically singing it.

Beca heaved out a sigh and her three girls reacted as expected. Stacie winked at her, Aubrey’s lips twitched into a grin and Chloe leaned over to kiss her cheek. All three of them spoke in unison.

“You love us.”

Beca laughed again, this one free of tears. “Holy shit do I need a drink.”

“Ooh, I’ll go get a bottle of something.” Amy pushed up from her seat and was gone before Beca could stop her.

“One of us will hold your hair.” Chloe promised as she flexed her hand slowly under the ice pack. “We promise.

‘I am so fucking lucky to have all of these women in my life.’

~A~

Aubrey sat back, Stacie’s hand a warm presence on her back, and took stock of how she was feeling.

Lighter, was the biggest answer.

She hadn’t even been aware of how much Alice’s treatment of her had weighed in her mind until it was suddenly gone. It wasn’t even like she thought of Alice outside of any discussions with the other three or for the two or three weeks before one of the reunions.

But apparently that nagging voice had drilled its way into her brain where it lodged and poisoned her self-image from the inside out. Chloe had knocked some of it loose their senior year. Stacie had dulled more of it when Aubrey stopped running from her feelings. The three of them together had made the biggest difference. All those talks they had before, during and after sex had gone a long way to soothing the anxieties that had lingered.

But today, finally being face to face with her former captain had brought it all back in one sickening heartbeat.

At first she’d braced for Beca to immediately launch herself like a tiny rage missile; waited for that amazing left hook to make a repeat appearance. Or for Stacie to pull her apart piece by piece.

She’d begun the process to prepare herself to shield them from Alice. She was their Captain and it was her job to take the brunt of anything that came their way and protect all her Bellas.

Until her girls had physically and verbally formed a wall to protect her.

She’d certainly never expected Chloe pull Stacie into a kiss so deep that Aubrey knew Stacie’s toes had curled. The shock of it made it easy to give in to Beca’s silent plea and allow herself to be dipped and kissed in front of the entire reunion. Kissing Beca was as natural as breathing, at this point, and it was easy to lose herself in it for a precious few moments. She wasn’t ashamed of them or what they had and anyone who tried to sling insults would have to go through her first.

The fact that each of them reminded her that she wasn’t alone, each In their different way, had almost cracked her façade and moved her to tears.

She definitely couldn’t have predicted Chloe would also be the one to put Alice on the floor and give her a black eye.

Aubrey wasn’t even ashamed to admit – now that she’d had time to collect her thoughts – that it had been just as hot as when Beca had done it all those years ago. Chloe had certainly been right about that, though it wasn’t something they’d ever discussed or that Aubrey had even realized consciously until this past year. She’d spent a lot of time remembering different moments her senior year in a new light. Some she shared with the others, some she kept back until the right moment. Like Beca punching that Tonehanger.

They had always gone out of their way to show her she was special to them – something that had only increased when they’d merged their lives together as one. But today they’d showed it to the world and Aubrey felt the warmth of it surround her in a coat of armor that Alice couldn’t even dream to scratch.

Chloe’s punch was nothing to the verbal assault she then unleashed. Every single word uttered in complete and calm disdain, reducing Alice from the towering figure in their memories to a sad, pathetic creature clutching her swollen eye as they walked away.

And Beca – the onetime pain in her ass – had been her center and held her hand the entire time; lending her strength and unending faith in Aubrey. Keeping her grounded when she’d started to spiral at the talk of lawyers before she’d been able to get a grip on her fear. Aubrey knew she’d talk circles around Alice’s lawyer before offering an out of court settlement that would satisfy even that greedy bitch.

Stacie’s quiet promise of what would happen if Alice opened her mouth again had melted Aubrey’s heart into a puddle, a response she wasn’t sure was appropriate when one’s spouse threatened to kill someone. Especially when you knew they would follow through on it without hesitation.

And, in typical fashion, they covered their deep running emotions with sex banter until they reached the dubious safety of their table. Banter that Aubrey couldn’t wait to bring to life when they were safely back in their room alone. And naked.

Aubrey almost cracked then, at the acceptance from these women who had become her family in a way that Alice’s group had never been. It didn’t surprise her that they knew; they’d been getting the eye from Emily for a while now and she was almost certain that Jessica had walked into the kitchen once while Chloe had Aubrey pinned against the counter – and then just as quickly walked out - but by the time they looked up at what Aubrey had thought sounded like a tiny ‘Eep!’ they were alone again.

She turned to her right and watched Chloe’s familiar profile as her best friend laughed at something Emily was saying. After a brief hesitation, realizing that it couldn’t really get any worse, she leaned forward to rest her chin on Chloe’s shoulder. “Thank you.”

Chloe turned her head until their noses brushed. “For what?”

“Standing up to her for me.” Aubrey shifted her head slightly, making Chloe’s nose scrunch at the slight tickle.

“How do you know I didn’t do it for me?” Chloe’s eyes were so blue this close and Aubrey never got tired of finding how the light revealed something new every time it shifted.

“Because, like you – like our girls – I’ll let people say whatever they want about me, just let it roll off my back.” Aubrey tilted her head further, Chloe’s breath whispering over her lips. “Say one thing about any of you, and I will end them.” She brought their lips together in a gentle kiss that Aubrey felt from head to toe. “And I love you so very much for it.”

“You’ve always been part of me. I won’t let anyone hurt what’s mine.” The voice was soft, the tone gentle, but the possessive fire underneath it sent a pleasant shiver down Aubrey’s back. Chloe tipped their lips together once more. “Ever.”

Aubrey forced herself to sit back, otherwise she wasn’t sure if she could keep their kisses soft and gentle. A motion caught her eye and she looked past Chloe and Beca to find Emily wiping away tears that were streaming down her face.

“Sorry, I just… This is like finding out Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny are real.” She took the tissue that Aubrey dug out of her purse and blew her nose. “It’s dumb, I know, but seeing how much you love each other just… Oh it’s beautiful, Aubrey.”

Aubrey felt herself blush. “Thank you. For not… rejecting us.” It wasn’t quite what she wanted to say, but it was close enough for now. “You mean a great deal to all of us and I would have been crushed if this made you change your mind about moving in in a few months.”

“What!?” Emily’s voice briefly covered everyone else’s as they all stopped to look at her. “Um. Sorry. Ignore me. Please?” The conversations at the table slowly picked back up though Aubrey could tell they were all half keeping an ear out to see what had caused the outburst.

Her face red, Emily shook her head. “Are you kidding? Nothing could make me change my mind about that. It’s what I’m looking forward to the most now that I’ve graduated. I mean, I’ll go see my parents for a month, Benji till however long before he has to start rehearsing for his new play – but I’m totally stoked about coming to live with you!”

“Nobody says ‘stoked’, Legacy.” Beca said it almost absently, as if she wasn’t really paying attention. “Stop trying to copy me.”

“If no one says it, how can I be copying you?” Emily bumped their shoulders together. “Just wait, soon you’ll have me around to keep you in line all the time.”

Beca let out an exaggerated groan. “Why did I agree to this?”

“Because you want me to write all your songs for your new album.” Emily answered immediately. “And because you loooooove me.”

“More the first than the latter,” Beca said before Chloe poked her in the side. “Alright alright. Yeah. I do.”

“And we may have filmed that.” Jessica was telling Stacie, pulling Aubrey and Beca’s attention immediately.

“You what?” Beca asked, her eyebrows high.

“Recorded your rumble.” Cynthia Rose repeated. “We heard someone say her name and, when she was a raging bitch, we realized it had to be the same person. That’s I came up with the idea to play TSwift when you came in.”

“Thanks for that.” Chloe grinned. “It was definitely interesting.”

“Or insane,” Beca muttered. “But continue – I didn’t see any of you until after it was all over.”

“Hold on, there was a whole process.” Emily bounced in her chair and Aubrey smiled in response to her excitement. “CR was in charge of the music and Jessica, Ashley and Lilly were the designated camerawomen.”

“Why those three?” Stacie asked, sliding her hand over to play with Aubrey’s fingers.

“Because no one ever notices us,” Ashley said with a smile. “We’ve literally been here the whole time.”

Aubrey laughed easily, another hurtful moment of their past having been changed to new memories made with joy instead of anger. “Guess you guys got more than you bargained for, huh?”

“I’ll say.” Jessica leaned forward in her chair. “I got a perfect shot of Alice’s face when Chloe punched her. Lilly said she’d edit all three videos together to make one amazing montage.”

“Thanks… Lilly.” Beca said with only the smallest of hesitations. They were still trying to decide how to refer to her, most of them still using Lilly by default. She didn’t seem to mind, thankfully, as seven years was a tough habit to break. They were working on it, but sometimes Lilly seemed to regress back to her silent, slightly terrifying ways and Aubrey often wondered if the rest of them had suffered a group hallucination brought on by the explosion.

“You’re welcome, Beca.” Lilly said happily. “I’ll have Jessley send their videos to me before we leave so I can work on it when I get home.”

“Aca-awesome!” Chloe said enthusiastically. “It kind of all passed in a blur and I don’t remember half of what I said.”

“By the power of your words, you gutted and field dressed her like a deer and it was kind of hot.” Aubrey said without thinking. She blinked when she became aware of the entire table watching her. “Too much too soon?”

“No – it was more the image of a deer juxtaposed with the four of you in The Expanse that I’m having problems with.” Jessica said, fanning herself. “It just took me a minute to get rid of the deer. I’m good now.” She wiggled her eyebrows when Beca just stared at her.

“Holy crap.” Beca shook her head. “What have we created?”

“A safe space to bring out all our secret fantasies.” Cynthia Rose said then raised both her hands. “Just kidding. Maybe.” She winked and clicked her tongue.

Beca groaned again. “You guys are going to be the death of me.”

Emily stroked her hand down Beca’s hair and Aubrey choked back her giggle. “It’s ok, Aca-Mom. I’ll take care of you.” She beamed when Beca flipped her off. “See, you’re doing better already!”

“Seriously, Amy better come back with a bucket full of beers and not just the tequila she’s going to try and make me drink. I need at least five beers before that happens.” Beca started looking around the room. “Is there a waitress or just the bar on the far side?”

Letting the presence of her three soothe her ragged edges, Aubrey took a cleansing breath, willing the last of her tension out of her body. She turned to ask Chloe how her hand was and saw Beca’s face go slack in shock. Before she could turn around, someone spoke behind her.

“Aubrey.”

Aubrey froze, suddenly lightheaded as all the blood drained from her face. As if trapped in a nightmare, she turned slowly in her seat, her eyes reluctantly lifting to meet green eyes the exact shade of her own. From far away she heard herself answer.

“Mother?”

#Bechloe Fanfiction #Staubrey Fanfiction #Poly Bellas Squared #Beca Mitchell #Chloe Beale #Aubrey Posen #Stacie Conrade #wlw #A Shared Lifetime #cyc writes #cyc fic tease

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ms-maj · 7 years ago

Text

Something For Ourselves

Happy Christmas @xoheatherkw

A little something Bughead from your secret Santa; hope you enjoy!

Snow. The bane of holiday travel. Currently the bane of Betty Cooper’s entire existence.

And not just snow.

He’d said it. The one word that would ruin everything.

Nor’easter.

That stupid contraction that set to topple every single well-laid plan Betty had made for the next three days. Well, to be fair, they were mostly her mother’s plans. But for the first time in the six years they’d been together, Jughead was coming home with her.

Not that they didn’t travel together for the holidays every year, they did, but they’d spend Christmas Eve and morning with their respective families before meeting up at the Andrews later on Christmas day. This year, however, Jellybean had decided to spend her break with some friends in Aspen rather trek back to Riverdale. Because of this, FP also absconded, deigning his bones couldn’t take another year of the cold. He’d packed up all he could on his bike back in October and took off for sunnier skies.

She can still remember the look on Jughead’s face when he’d told her; lying on their bed, flannel-clad arm slung across his eyes, as he tried desperately not to let the hurt shine through. He’d talked about staying in the city, spending Christmas alone. And the fact that he hadn’t even thought she’d want to ask him to come with her, stung quite a bit more than she’d wanted to admit.

Finally, Betty had convinced him to come. Apparently, her enthusiasm for gingerbread building contests was enough to sway even the most disparate cynic. Or maybe it was when she’d admitted that she’d always wanted him with her. That even though they’d been living together for nearly three years, it wasn’t quite enough; that as crazy and manic and downright unpleasant as it could be with Alice Cooper at the helm, she wanted nothing more than for Jughead to dive into the fray with her.

“Betts?” Jughead placed his hand on her shoulder, catching the collar of her shirt between his thumb and forefinger. She felt the familiar tug as her eyes sought his, her lower lip nervously sucked between her teeth.

“Maybe it’s just a delay! I mean, my mom won’t be happy that she’ll have to push the candy-construction extravaganza back a few hours, but if we can get in at some point tonight…”

Jughead crooked his head to the side, an errant curl falling across his forehead as a sad smile tugged at the corner of his lips. “Babe, I don’t think we’re going anywhere tonight,” he pulled the phone from his back pocket, grimaced at the screen and set in down on the coffee table next to them. “Or, in the foreseeable future from the looks of the forecast.”

“It’s so unfair, Juggie!” Betty felt herself deflate. “Sure, I wanted a white Christmas, but I wanted to be in Riverdale to enjoy it!” Jughead chuckled and dropped the hand that was still playing with the collar of Betty’s shirt. She couldn’t help the pout that seemed to overtake her face, but it was Christmas Eve dammit, and as the shrill ring of her phone cut through the room, she remembered the worst was yet to come.

Jughead leaned forward, placing a gentle kiss on Betty’s forehead as the ringing started again. She watched him disappear behind the wall that separated their living room from their kitchen and heard the tell-tale signs of coffee being made. Smiling ever so slightly, Betty took a deep breath before answering her phone to the onslaught of questions lobbed by her mother.

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“How’d she take it?” Jughead asked, leaning against the counter as he held the steaming cup to his lips. Betty’s head dropped forward, blonde hair dancing around her as it shook back and forth.

“Somehow, it’s your fault,” she crossed the few feet between them, grabbing her own festively emblazoned mug from the cupboard and filling it with the hot brew. Now standing next to him, she looked up to see the annoyance play across his face.

“Ah, yes, I can control the weather. And clearly it’s in my best interest to keep their youngest daughter away from family frivolities.”

Betty rolled her eyes as she made her way out of the kitchen and back to the living room. “Because you should care about being in their good graces. Jug, she didn’t care that we’re supposed to see unprecedented amounts of snowfall, she cared that she now had two extra gingerbread house kits and how long tomorrow they’d have to wait for us to try and arrive before they got on with their holiday.”

“That Alice really is a peach.” Jughead sat down on the couch next to her, placing his free hand on her knee and making gentle circles with his thumb. “Is that all she said?”

Betty’s silence was answer enough for him. “But that’s all that bears repeating,” she turned on the couch to face him, the worn floral jacquard scratching through her leggings. The cup twisted nervously between her palms, coffee sloshing up to the brim, never spilling over but forcing his attention to it and away from her face.

“Betty,” his hand slid from her leg to her hands, stilling the cup and the agitation that threatened to spill over. “Is it just about Christmas?”

Her head shook slightly.

“What’d she say this time?”

She felt his hand slide off of hers and in her periphery, could see the clenching of his jaw and the way his eyes squeezed shut, just a little tighter than usual. “No, Jughead. Whatever she says, doesn’t matter. I don’t care that the Cooper Christmas streak has been broken, I’m not upset that we won’t be there for Christmas Eve. I mean, I am, but that’s only because I finally got to share it with you.”

“Betts…”

“I knew you were upset, about your dad, and JB taking off for Christmas even if you didn’t say it in so many words. So I wanted to make this special for you. Remind you that you’ve got more family than you know.”

Betty set her cup down on the table and felt him shift beside her, when she turned back he was already off the couch and turning down the hall to their bedroom. She sighed. Pushing herself from the sofa she padded down the hall and stopped in the doorway of their room. She watched as he rifled through his bag before turning back to her and holding out a pair of pajamas adorned with Santa-hatted llamas.

“Put these on.”

“Jughead?” He crossed the room and put them in her hands.

“Betty, please don’t make this awkward and pretend like you didn’t get me something with penguins or jingle-bells,” When she couldn’t help the blush that crept up her cheeks, she laughed, stretching on tiptoe to place a gentle kiss on Jughead’s cheek. She had, in fact, bought him pajamas. And when she handed him the t-rex printed flannel set, she actually saw him smile.

“What are we doing, Jug?” He slipped his hand under her chin and tilted it up toward his face, before his lips covered hers, slowly, deeply.

“Our flight is effectively canceled. Nothing is getting in, or out, until tomorrow morning at the earliest,” he pulled away slightly before putting his lips to hers again. “So put those on and meet me in the living room in five.” He kissed her just about breathless again before slinking out of the room.

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“Alright Mister Jones,” Betty sashayed into the space in her new llama jammies and the warmest, fuzziest socks she owned. “Now what?”

Jughead smiled warmly as he beckoned her to join him on the couch. “I know missing Christmas is a big deal. Not just because your mom will use it against you for years to come, but because it means so much to you. Because your family means so much to you. The fact that you consider me family too, Betty, is just something that never ceases to amaze me.”

“Juggie,” she tried to interrupt but he pulled her into his lap instead. Immediately her arms snaked around his neck as his came to settle around her waist.

“While getting caught in a blizzard isn’t exactly my idea of a good time, we’re home, in our apartment and we’re still together. So it’s still a Christmas of firsts, and maybe, I don’t know we’ll find something tonight that we can carry forward, into future Christmas Eves.”

Betty could feel the smile that threatened to take over her face. If she could bottle the warmth she felt radiating from him, or somehow contain that particular sparkle in his blue eyes whenever he nervously mentioned their futures, just for those days when his self-deprecation and anxiety threatened to overtake him, just to remind him those feelings are reciprocated. “A tradition of our own,” she leaned forward and captured his lips with hers. “We’ve got out pajamas, what else did you have in mind?”

Jughead leaned his head against the cushion while Betty’s fingers played with the hair at the nape of his neck. “I know you’re not particularly fond of the horror genre, but, there are a plethora of cross-marketing delights in the holiday horror subgenre. I can almost guarantee you that not one of these films will be actually scary, and will still technically fill the quota for thematic film consumption.”

“You want to watch scary Christmas movies?” She questioned playfully. There really wasn’t a whole lot she wouldn’t do for this man. It had been a long road getting to where they were. It likely wouldn’t all be rainbows and butterflies from that point on either. So if he wants to spend Christmas Eve in his pj’s, watching horrible films, damn right you’re going to find Betty Cooper curled up by his side. “Well, what are we going to eat? We don’t exactly have lots of food at the ready considering we aren’t supposed to be here.”

Betty watched Jughead’s Adam’s apple bob in his throat heavily. Clearly, he hadn’t thought about food. She had to bite back the laugh that threatened when his stomach seemed to gurgle on cue. “I’ll go see what I can whip up; you pick out something awful.”

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Twenty minutes later she came back with the fixings of a hearty breakfast. Bacon, eggs, toast, fresh coffee…all the things that had eaten for actual breakfast just a few hours before. Jughead took the plates from her hands and set them on the table before excitedly turning back to the television.

“You will not believe what I’ve found for us. It looks like it might just be the worst movie ever made,” Jughead said proudly as he shoved a slice of bacon into his mouth.

Betty’s eyes flickered to the screen before she looked up confused. “Wasn’t Jack Frost a children’s movie?”

“Well, yes, but that’s not what this is. This is cheesy, nineties, horror glory!”

“Someone’s excited,” she noticed his giddiness turned sheepish in an instant. “How long have you wanted to do this, Jug?”

“What, Christmas-horror-thon?” Betty nodded, obviously. “Well it was something I always wanted to do with Jelly, I guess, but that never happened. I guess it’s just been in the back of my mind ever since.” He rubbed the back of his neck as he settled into the corner of the couch.

“Thank you.” Betty said softly as she set her plate on the table and scuttled up the couch to be closer to him.

“For what, baby?” Her head laid on his chest as his fingers began to weave through her hair.

“For sharing it with me. For wanting to make this, ours.” She felt his lips press on the crown of her head as a contended sigh rose out of her. Once he’d assured she was comfortable, he pressed play on what would become the first of many horrible films consumed on Christmas Eve.

They managed to get through Jack Frost with no less than three what the fucks, five instances of uproarious laughter, and two, stop and go back we have to re-watch that’s.

“What did we just watch? Did that really just happen?” Betty said, still laughing as the credits rolled.

“Ninety minutes of your life you wish you could have back?” Jughead asked as he stretched, sinking deeper into the couch and bringing Betty with him.

“No,” she replied, smiling softly and tracing the curve of his jaw with her fingers. “As terrible as that was, and it really, really was, I was with you. It doesn’t get much better than that Jughead Jones.”

“So, think we have a contender for Christmas Eve? Or is our impromptu movie night a one-and-done?”

“I think, that the only way tonight could have been better is if we’d have had real food. I dig the breakfast idea, don’t get me wrong, but I’m thinking next year we do crepes or maybe cinnamon rolls…” before she could name another food Jughead’s mouth was on hers, hands tangled in her hair, body pulled flush against his.

“This is the best present I have ever gotten. I love you, Betty Cooper.” She managed to untangle herself from his arms and pulled herself off the couch. She stood in front of him, tired, hair haphazardly in a bun atop her head, no make-up and never looking more beautiful.

“Jughead Jones, I love you. Let’s go get into bed, and I can show you the other present you’ll be thankful we’re not in my parent’s house for.” With a wink, she turned and headed down the hallway. She hadn’t gotten but three steps in when strong arms circled her from behind and the voice in her ear whispered,

“Best Christmas ever.”

She had never been more inclined to agree.

#riverdale holiday #secret santa #Bughead #bughead fanfiction #happy christmas #riverdale holiday exchange 2017

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gaysparklepires · 7 years ago

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18. Instruction

“That had to be the longest party in the history of the world,” I groaned on the way home.

Edward didn’t seem to disagree. “It’s over now,” he said, rubbing my arm soothingly.

Because I was the only one who needed soothing. Edward was fine now—all the Cullens were fine.

They’d all reassured me; Alice reaching up to pat my head as I left, eyeing Jasper meaningfully until a flood of peace swirled around me, Esme kissing my forhead and promising me everything was all right, Emmett laughing boisterously and asking why I was the only one who was allowed to fight with werewolves… Jacob’s solution had them all relaxed, almost euphoric after the long weeks of stress. Doubt had been replaced with confidence. The party had ended on a note of true celebration.

Not for me.

Bad enough—horrible—that the Cullens would fight for me. It was already too much that I would have to allow that. It already felt like more than I could bear.

Not Jacob, too. Not his foolish, eager brothers—most of them even younger than I was. They were just oversized, over-muscled children, and they looked forward to this like it was picnic on the beach. I could not have them in danger, too. My nerves felt frayed and exposed. I didn’t know how much longer I could restrain the urge to scream out loud.

I whispered now, to keep my voice under control. “You’re taking me with you tonight.”

“Beau, you’re worn out.”

“You think I could sleep?”

He frowned. “It’s an experiement. I’m not sure if it will be possible for us all to… cooperate. I don’t want you in the middle of that.”

I laughed once. “As if that doesn’t make me all the more anxious to go.” When he didn’t respond I sighed. “If you won’t take me, then I’ll call Jacob.”

His eyes tightened. That was a low blow, and I knew it. But there was no way I was being left behind.

He still didn’t answer; we were at my house now. The front light was on.

“See you upstairs,” I muttered.

I tiptoed in the front door. Charlie was asleep in the living room, sprawled out on the too-small sofa, and snoring so loudly I could have ripped a chainsaw to life and it wouldn’t have wakened him.

I shook his shoulder vigorously.

“Dad! Charlie!”

He grumbled, eyes still closed.

“I’m home now—you’re going to hurt your back sleeping like that. C’mon, time to move.”

It took a few more shakes, and his eyes never did open all the way, but I managed to get him off the couch. I helped him up to his bed, where he collapsed on top of the covers, fully dressed, and started snoring again.

He wasn’t going to be looking for me anytime soon.

Edward waited in my room while I washed my face and changed into jeans and a flannel shirt. He watched me unhappily from the rocking chair as I hung the outfit Alice had given me in my closet.

“Come here,” I said, taking his hand and pulling him to my bed.

I pushed him down on the bed and then curled up against his chest. Maybe he was right and I was tired enough to sleep. I wasn’t going to let him sneak off without me.

He tucked my quilt in around me, and then held me close.

“Please relax.”

“Sure.”

“This is going to work, Beau. I can feel it.”

My teeth locked together.

He was radiating relief. Nobody but me cared if Jacob and his friends got hurt. Not even Jacob and his friends. Especially not them.

He could tell I was on the edge. “Listen to me, Beau. This is going to be easy. The newborns will be completely taken by surprise. They’ll have no more idea that werewolves exist than you did. I’ve seen how they act in a group, the way Jasper remembers. I truly believe the wolves’ hunting techniques will work flawlessly against them. And with them divided and confused, there won’t be enough for the rest of us to do. Somebody may have to sit out,” he teased.

“Piece of cake,” I mumbled tonelessly against his chest.

“Shh,” he stroked my cheek. “You’ll see. Don’t worry now.”

He started humming my lullaby, but, for once, it didn’t calm me.

People—well, vampires and werewolves really, but still—people I loved were going to get hurt. Hurt because of me. Again. I wished my bad luck would focus a little more carefully. I felt like yelling up at the empty sky; It’s me you want—over here! Just me!

I tried to think of a way that I could do exactly that—force my bad luck to focus on me. It wouldn’t be easy, I was sure, but there had to be a way. I’d have to think on it in the little time I had left.

I did not fall asleep. The minutes passed quickly, to my surprise, and I was still alert and tense when Edward pulled us both up into a sitting position.

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay and sleep?”

I raised one annoyed eyebrow.

He sighed, and scooped me up in his arms before he jumped from the window.

He raced through the black, quiet forest with me on his back, and even in his run I could feel the elation. He ran the way he did when it was just us, just for enjoyment, just for the feel of the wind in his hair. It was the kind of thing that, during less anxious times, would have made me happy.

When we got to the big open field, his family was there, talking casually, relaxed. Emmett’s booming laugh echoed through the wide space now and then. Edward sat me down and we walked hand in hand toward them.

It took me a minute, because it was so dark with the moon hidden behind the clouds, but I realized that we were in the baseball clearing. It was the same place where, more than a year ago, that first lighthearted evening with the Cullens had been interrupted by James and his coven. It felt strange to be here again—as if this gathering wouldn’t be complete until James and Laurent and Victor joined us. But James and Laurent were never coming back. That pattern wouldn’t be repeated. Maybe all the patterns were broken.

Yet someone had broken out of their pattern. Was it possible the Volturi were the flexibles ones in this equation?

I doubted it.

Victor had always seemed like a force of nature to me—like a hurricane moving toward the coast in a straight line—unavoidable, implacable, but predictable. Maybe it was wrong to limit him that way. He had to be capable of adaption.

“You know what I think?” I asked Edward.

He laughed. “No.”

I almost smiled.

“What do you think?”

“I think it’s all connected. Not just the two, but all three.”

“You’ve lost me, love.”

“Three bad things have happened since you came back.” I ticked them off on my fingers. “The newborns in Seattle. The stranger in my room. And—first of all—Victor came to look for me.”

His eyes narrowed as he thought about it. “Why do you think so?”

“Because I agree with Jasper—the Volturi love their rules. They would probably do a better job anyway.” And I’d be dead if they wanted me dead, I added mentally. “Remember when you were tracking Victor last year?”

“Yes.” He frowned. “I wasn’t very good at it.”

“Alice said you were in Texas. Did you follow Victor there?”

His eyebrows pulled together. “Yes. Hmm…”

“See—he could have gotten the idea there. But he doesn’t know what he’s doing, so the newborns are all out of control.”

He started shaking his head. “Only Aro knows exactly how Alice’s visions work.”

“Aro would know best, but wouldn’t Taras and Ivan and the rest of your friends in Denali know enough? Laurent lived with them for so long. And if he was still friendly enough with Victor to be doing favors for him, why wouldn’t he also tell him everything he knew?”

Edward frowned. “It wasn’t Victor in your room.”

“He can’t make new friends? Think about it, Edward. If it is Victor doing this in Seattle, he’s made a lot of new friends. He’s created them.”

He considered it, his forehead creased in concentration.

“Hmm,” he finally said. “It’s possible. I still think the Volturi are the most likely… but your theory—there’s something there. Victor’s personality. Your theory suits his personality perfectly. He’s shown a remarkable gift for self-preservation from the start—maybe it’s a talent of his. In any case, this plot would put him in no danger at all from us, if he sits safely behind and lets the newborns wreak their havoc here. And maybe little danger from the Volturi, either. Perhaps he’s counting on us to win, in the end, though certainly not without heavy casualities of our own. But no survivors from his little army to bear witness against him. In fact,” he continued, thinking it through, “if there were survivors, I’d bet he’d be planning to destroy them himself… Hmm. Still, he’d have to have at least one friend who was a bit more mature. No fresh-made newborn left your father alive…”

He frowned into space for a long moment, and then suddenly smiled at me, coming back from his reverie. “Definitely possible. Regardless, we’ve got to be prepared for anything until we know for sure. You’re very perceptive today,” he added. “It’s impressive.”

I sighed. “Maybe I’m just reacting to this place. It makes me feel like he’s close by… like he sees me now.”

His jaw muscles tensed at the idea. “He’ll never touch you, Beau,” he said.

In spit of his words, his eyes swept carefully across the dark trees. While he searched their shadows, the strangest expression across his face. His lips pulled back over his teeth and his eyes shone with an odd light—a wild, fierce kind of hope.

“Yet, what I wouldn’t give to have him that close,” he murmured. “Victor, and anyone else who’s ever thought of hurting you. To have the chance to end this myself. To finish it with my own hands this time.”

I shuddered at the ferocious longing in his voice, and clenched my fingers more tightly with mine, wishing I was strong enough to lock our hands together permanently.

We were almost to his family, and I noticed for the first time that Alice did not look as optimistic as the others. She stood a little aside, watching Jasper stretching his arms as if he were warming up to exercise, her lips pushed out in a pout.

“Is something wrong with Alice?” I whispered.

Edward chuckled, himself again. “The werewolves are on their way, so she can’t see anything that will happen now. It makes her uncomfortable to be blind.”

Alice, though farthest away from us, heard his low voice. She looked up and stuck her tongue out at him. He laughed again.

“Hey, Edward,” Emmett greeted him. “Hey, Beau. Is he going to let you practice, too?”

Edward groaned at his brother. “Please, Emmett, don’t give him any ideas.”

“When will our guests arrive?” Carlisle asked Edward.

Edward concentrated for a moment, and then sighed. “A minute and a half. But I’m going to have to translate. They don’t trust us enough to use their human forms.”

Carlisle nodded. “This is hard for them. I’m grateful they’re coming at all.”

I stared at Edward, my eyes wide. “They’re coming as wolves?”

He nodded, cautious of my reaction. I swallowed once, remembering the two times I’d seen Jacob in his wolf form—the first time in the meadow with Laurent, the second time on the forest lane where Paul had gotten angry at me… they were both memories of terror.

A strange gleam came into Edward’s eyes, as though something had just occurred to him, something that was not altogether unpleasant. He turned away quickly, before I could see any more, back to Carlisle and the others.

“Prepare yourselves—they’ve been holding out on us.”

“What do you mean?” Alice demanded.

“Shh,” he cautioned, and stared past her into the darkness.

The Cullens’s informal circle suddenly widened out into a loose line with Jasper and Emmett at the spear point. From the way Edward leaned forward next to me, I could tell that he wished he was standing beside them.

I squinted toward the forest, seeing nothing.

“Damn,” Emmett muttered under his breath. “Did you ever see anything like it?”

Esme and Royal exchanged a wide-eyed glance.

“What is it?” I whispered as quietly as I could. “I can’t see.”

“The pack has grown,” Edward murmured into my ear.

Hadn’t I told him that Quil had joined the pack? I strained to see the six wolves in the gloom. Finally, something glittered in the darkness—their eyes, higher up than they should be. I’d forgotten how very tall the wolves were. Like horses, only thick with muslces and fur—and teeth like knives, impossible to overlook.

I could only see the eyes. And as I scanned, straining to see more, it occurred to me that there were more than six pairs facing us. One, two, three… I counted the pairs swiftly in my head. Twice.

There were ten of them.

“Fascinating,” Edward murmured almost silently.

Carlisle took a slow, deliberate step forward. It was a careful movement, designed to reassure.

“Welcome,” he greeted the invisible wolves.

“Thank you,” Edward responded in a strange, flat tone, and I realized at once that the words came from Sam. I looked to the eyes shining in the centure of the line, the highest up, the tallest of them. It was impossible to separate the shape of the big black wolf from the darkness.

Edward spoke again in the same detached voice, speaking Sam’s words. “We will watch and listen, but no more. That is the most we can ask of our self-control.”

“That is more than enough,” Carlisle answered. “My son Jasper”—he gestured to where Jasper stood, tensed and ready—“has experience in this area. He will teach us how they fight, how they are to be defeated. I’m sure you can apply this to your own hunting style.”

“They are different from you?” Edward asked for Sam.

Carlisle nodded. “They are all very new—only months old to this life. Children, in a way. They will have no skill or strategy, only brute strength. Tonight there numbers stand at twenty. Ten for us, ten for you—it shouldn’t be difficult. The numbers may go down. The new ones fight amongst themselves.”

A rumble passed down the shadowy line of wolves, a low growling mutter that somehow managed to sound enthusiastic.

“We are willing to take more than our share, if necessary,” Edward translated, his tone less indifferent now.

Carlisle smiled. “We’ll see how it plays out.”

“Do you know when and how they’ll arrive?”

“They’ll come across the mountains in four days, in the late morning. As they approach, Alice will help us intercept their path.”

“Thank you for the information. We will watch.”

With a sighing sound, the eyes sank closer to the ground one set at a time.

It was silent for two heartbeats, and then Jasper took a step into the empty space between the vampires and the wolves. It wasn’t hard for me to see him—his skin was as bright against the darkness as the wolves’ eyes. Jasper threw a wary glance toward Edward, who nodded, and then Jasper turned his back to the werewolves. He sighed, clearly uncomfortable.

“Carlisle’s right.” Jasper spoke only to us; he seemed to be trying to ignore the audience behind him. “They’ll fight like children. The two most important things you’ll need to remember are, first, don’t let them get their arms around you and, second, don’t go for the obvious kill. That’s all they’ll be prepeared for. As long as you come at them from the side and keep moving, they’ll be too confused to respond effectively. “Emmett?”

Emmett stepped out of the line with a huge smile.

Jasper backed toward the north end of the opening between the allied enemies. He waved Emmett forward.

“Okay, Emmett first. He’s the best example of a newborn attack.”

Emmett’s eyes narrowed. “I’ll try not to break anything,” he muttered.

Jasper grinned. “What I meant is that Emmett relies on his strength. He’s very straightforward about the attack. The newborns won’t be trying anything subtle, either. Just go for the easy kill, Emmett.”

Jasper backed up a few more paces, his body tensing.

“Okay, Emmett—try to catch me. Don’t hold back.”

Emmett grinned. “Not in my nature.”

And I couldn’t see Jasper anyore—he was a blur as Emmett charged him like a bear, grinning while he snarled. Emmett was impossibly quick, too, but not like Jasper. It looked like Jasper had no more substance than a ghost—any time it seemed Emmett’s big hands had him for sure, Emmett’s fingers clenched around nothing but the air. Beside me, Edward leaned forward intently, his eyes locked on the brawl. Then Emmett froze.

Jasper had him from behind, his teeth an inch from his throat.

Emmett cussed.

There was a muttered rumble of appreciation from the watching wolves.

“Again,” Emmett insisted, his smile gone.

“It’s my turn,” Edward protested. My fingers tensed around his involuntarily.

“In a minute.” Jasper grinned, stepping back. “I want to show Beau something first.”

I watched with anxious eyes as he waved Alice forward.

“I know you worry about her,” he explained to me as she danced blithely into the ring. “I want to show you why that’s not necessary.”

Thought I knew that Jasper would never allow any harm to come to Alice, it was still hard to watch as he sank back into a crouch facing her. Alice stood motionlessly, looking tiny as a doll after Emmett, smiling to herself. Jasper shifted forward, then slinked to her left.

Alice closed her eyes.

My heart thumped unevenly as Jasper stalked toward where Alice stood.

Jasper sprang, disappearing. Suddenly he was on the other side of Alice. She didn’t appear to have moved.

Jasper wheeled and launched himself at her again, only to land in a crouch behind her like the first time; all the while Alice stood smiling with her eyes closed.

I watched Alice more carefully now.

She was moving—I’d just been missing it, distracted by Jasper’s attacks. She took a small step forward at the exact second that Jasper’s body flew through the spot where she’d just been standing. She took another step, while Jasper’s grasping hands whistled past where her waist had been.

Jasper closed in, and Alice began to move faster. She was dancing—spiraling and twisting and curling in on herself. Jasper was her partner, lunging, reaching through her graceful patterns, never touching her, like every movement was choreographed. Finally, Alice laughed.

Out of nowhere she was perched on Jasper’s back, her lips at his neck.

“Gotcha,” she said, and kissed his throat.

Jasper chuckled, shaking his head. “You truly are one frightening little monster.”

The wolves muttered again. This time the sound was wary.

“It’s good for them to learn some respect,” Edward murmured, amused. Then he spoke louder. “My turn.”

He squeezed my hand before he let it go.

Alice came to take his place beside me. “Cool, huh?” she asked me smugly.

“Very,” I agreed, not looking away from Edward as he glided noiselessly toward Jasper, his movements lithe and watchful as a jungle cat.

“I’ve got my eye on you, Beau,” she whispered suddenly, her voice pitched so low that I could barely hear, through her lips were at my ear.

My gaze flickered to her face and then back to Edward. He was intent on Jasper, both of the feinting as he closed the distance.

Alice’s expression was full of reproach.

“I’ll warn him if your plans get any more defined,” she threatened in the same low murmur. “It doesn’t help anything for you to put yourself in danger. Do you think either of them would give up if you died? They’d still fight, we all would. You can’t change anything, so just be good, okay?”

I grimaced, trying to ignore her.

��I’m watching,” she repeated.

Edward had closed on Jasper now, and this fight was more even than either of the others. Jasper had the century of experience to guide him, and he tried to go on instinct alone as much as he could, but his thoughts always gave him away a fraction of a second before he acted. Edward was slightly faster, but the moves Jasper used were unfamiliar to him. They came at each other again and again, neither one able to gain the advantage, instinctive snarls erupting constantly. It was hard to watch, but harder to look away. They moved too fast for me to really understand what they were doing. Now and then the sharp eyes of the wolves would catch my attention. I had a feeling the wolves were getting more out of this than I was—maybe more than they should.

Eventually, Carlisle cleared his throat.

Jasper laughed, and took a step back. Edward straightened up and grinned at him.

“Back to work,” Jasper consented. “We’ll call it a draw.”

Everyone took turns, Carlisle, then Royal, Esme, and Emmett again. I squinted through my lashes, cringing as Jasper attacked Esme. That one was the hardest to watch. Then he slowed down, still not quite enough for me to understand his motions, and gave more instruction.

“You see what I’m doing here?” he would ask. “Yes, just like that,” he encouraged. “Concentrate on the sides. Don’t forget where their target will be. Keep moving.”

Edward was always focused, watching and also listening to what others couldn’t see.

It got more difficult to follow as my eyes got heavier. I hadn’t been sleeping well lately, anyway, and it was approaching a solid twenty-four hours since the last time I’d slept. I leaned against Edward’s side, and let my eyelids drop.

“We’re about finished,” he whispered.

Jasper confirmed that, turning toward the wolves for the first time, his expression uncomfortable again. “We’ll be doing this tomorrow. Please feel welcome to observe again.”

“Yes,” Edward answered in Sam’s cool voice. “We’ll be here.”

Then Edward sighed, patted my arm, and stepped away from me. He turned to his family.

“The pack thinks it would be helpful to be familiar with each of our scents—so they don’t make mistakes later. If we could hold very still, it will make it easier for them.”

“Certainly,” Carlisle said to Sam. “Whatever you need.”

There was a gloomy, throaty grumble from the wolf pack as they rose to their feet.

My eyes were wide again, exhaustion forgotten.

The deep black of the night was just beginning to fade — the sun brightening the clouds, though it hadn’t cleared the horizon yet, far away on the other side of the mountains. As they approached, it was suddenly possible to make out shapes… colors.

Sam was in the lead, of course. Unbelievably huge, black as midnight, a monster straight out of my nightmares—literally; after the first time I’d seen Sam and the others in the meadow, they’d starred in my bad dreams more than once.

Now that I could see them all, match the vastness with each pair of eyes, it looked like more than ten. The pack was overwhelming.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw that Edward was watching me, carefully evaluating my reaction.

Sam approached Carlisle where he stood in the front, the huge pack right on his tail. Jasper stiffened, but Emmett, on the other side of Carlisle, was grinning and relaxed.

Sam sniffed at Carlisle, seeming to wince slightly as he did. Then he moved on to Jasper.

My eyes ran down the wary brace of wolves. I was sure I could pick out a few of the new additions. There was a light gray wolf that was leaner than the others, the hackles on the back of his neck raised in distaste. There was another, the color of desert sand, who seemed gangly and uncoordinated beside the rest. A low whine broke through the sandy wolf’s control when Sam’s advance left him isolated between Carlisle and Jasper.

I stopped at the wolf just behind Sam. His fur was reddish-brown and longer than the others, shaggy in comparison. He was almost as tall as Sam, the second largest in the group. His stance was casual, somehow exuding nonchalance over what the rest obviously considered an ordeal.

The enormous russet-colored wolf seemed to feel my gaze, and he looked up at me with familiar black eyes.

I stared back at him, trying to believe what I already knew. I could feel the wonder and fascination on my face.

The wolf’s muzzle fell open, pulling back over his teeth. It would have been a frightening expression, except that his tongue lolled out the side in a wolfy grin.

I giggled.

Jacob’s grin widened over his sharp teeth. He left his place in line, ignoring the eyes of his pack as they followed him. He trotted past Edward and Alice to stand not two feet away from me. He stopped their, his gaze flickering briefly toward Edward.

Edward stood motionless, a statue, his eyes still assessing my reaction.

Jacob crouched down on his front legs and dropped his head so that his face was no higher than mine, staring at me, measuring my response just as much as Edward was.

“Jacob?” I breathed.

The answering rumble deep in his chest sounded like a chuckle.

I reached my hand out, fingers trembling slightly, and touched the red-brown fur on the side of his face.

The black eyes closed, and Jacob leaned his huge head into my hand. A thrumming hum resonated in his throat.

The fur was both soft and rough, and warm against my skin. I ran my fingers through it curiously, learning the texture, stroking his neck where the color deepened. I hadn’t realized how close I’d gotten; without warning, Jacob suddenly licked my face from chin to hairline.

“Ew! Gross, Jake!” I complained, jumping back and smacking at him, just as I would have if he were human. He dodged out of the way, and the coughing bark that came through his teeth was obviously laughter.

I wiped my face on the sleeve of my shirt, unable to keep from laughing with him.

It was at that point that I realized that everyone was watching us, the Cullens and the werewolves—the Cullens with perplexed and somewhat disgusted expressions. It was hard to read the wolves’ faces. I thought Sam looked unhappy.

And then there was Edward, on edge and clearly disappointed. I realized he’d been hoping for a different reaction from me. Like screaming and running away in terror.

Jacob made the laughing sound again.

The other wolves were backing away now, not taking their eyes off the Cullens as they departed. Jacob stood by my side, watching them go. Soon, they disappeared into the murky forest. Only two hesitated by the trees, watching Jacob, their postures radiating anxiety.

Edward sighed, and—ignoring Jacob—came to stand on my other side, taking my hand.

“Ready to go?” he asked me.

Before I could answer, he was staring over me at Jacob.

“I’ve not quite figured out the details yet,” he said, answering a question in Jacob’s thoughts.

The Jacob-wolf grumbled sullenly.

“It’s more complicated than that,” Edward said. “Don’t concern yourself; I’ll make sure it’s safe.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked.

“Just discussing strategy,” Edward replied.

Jacob’s head swiveled back and forth, looking at our faces. Then, suddenly, he bolted for the forest. As he darted away, I noticed for the first time a square of folded black fabric secured to his back leg.

“Wait,” I called, one hand stretching automatically to reach after him. But he disappeared into the trees in seconds, the other two wolves following.

“Why did he leave?” I asked, hurt.

“He’s coming back,” Edward said. He sighed. “He wants to be able to talk for himself.”

I watched the edge of the forest where Jacob had vanished, leaning into Edward’s side again. I was on the point of collapse, but I was fighting it.

Jacob loped back into view, on two legs this time. His broad chest was bare, his hair tangled and shaggy. He wore only a pair of black sweat pants, his feet bare to the cold ground. He was alone now, but I suspected that his friends lingered in the trees, invisible.

It didn’t take him long to cross the field, though he gave a wide berth to the Cullens, who stood talking quietly in a loose circle.

“Okay,” Jacob said when he was a few feet from us, evidently continuing the conversation I’d missed. “What’s so complicated about it?”

“I have to consider every possibility,” Edward said, unruffled. “What if someone gets by you?”

Jacob scoffed at that idea. “Okay, so leave him on the reservation. We’re making Collin and Brady stay behind anyway. He’ll be safe there.”

I scowled. “Are you talking about me?”

“I just want to know what he plans to do with you during the fight,” Jacob explained.

“Do with me?”

“Aw, come on, babe, you know I didn’t mean it in a bad way.” Jacob sighed.

“You can’t stay in Forks, Beau.” Edward’s voice was pacifying. “They know where to look for you there. What if someone slipped by us?”

My stomach dropped and the blood drained from my face. “Charlie?” I gasped.

“He’ll be with Billy,” Jacob assured me quickly. “If my dad has to commit a murder to get him there, he’ll do it. Probably won’t take that much. It’s this Saturday, right? There’s a game.”

“This Saturday?” I asked, my head spinning. I was too lightheaded to control my wildly random thoughts. I frowned at Edward. “Well, crap! There goes your graduation present.”

Edward laughed. “It’s the thought that counts,” he reminded me. “You can give the tickets to someone else.”

Inspiration came swiftly. “Angela and Ben,” I decided at once. “At least that will get them out of town. I think Jess is going on vacation with her family, so she’ll be safe…”

He touched my cheek. “You can’t evacuate everyone,” he said in a gentle voice. “Hiding you is just a precaution. I told you—we’ll have no problem now. There won’t be enough of them to keep us entertained.”

“But what about keeping Beau in La Push?” Jacob interjected, eagerly.

“He’s been back and forth too much,” Edward said. “He’s left trails all over the place. Alice only sees the very young vampires coming on the hunt, but obviously someone created them. There is someone more experienced behind this. Whoever he”—Edward paused to look at me—“is, this could all be a distraction. Alice will see if he decides to look himself, but we could be very busy at the time that decision is made. Maybe someone is counting on that. I can’t leave Beau somewhere he’s been frequently. He has to be hard to find, just in case. It’s a very long shot but I’m not taking chances.”

“I’m standing right here, you know.” I frowned at Edward.

“I’m sorry,” he patted my arm. “I’m just being overcautious,” he promised.

Jacob gestured to the deep forest east of us, to the vast expanse of the Olympic Mountains.

“So hide him here,” he suggested. “There’s a million possibilities—places either one of us could be in just a few minutes if there’s a need.”

Edward shook his head. “His scent is too strong and, combined with mine, especially distinct. Even if I carried him, it would leave a trail. Our trace is all over the range, but in conjunction with Beau’s scent, it would catch their attention. We’re not exactly sure which path they’ll take, because they don’t know yet. If they crossed Beau’s scent before they found us…”

Both of them grimaced at the same time, their eyebrows pulling together.

“You see the difficulties.”

“There has to be a way to make this work,” Jacob muttered. He glared toward the forest, pursing his lips.

I swayed on my feet. Edward put his arm around my waist, pulling me closer and supporting my weight.

“I need to get you home—you’re exhausted. And Charlie will be waking up soon…”

“Wait a sec,” Jacob said, wheeling back to us, his eyes bright. “My scent disgusts you, right?”

“Hmm, not bad.” Edward was two steps ahead. “It’s possible.” He turned toward his family. “Jasper?” he called.

Jasper looked up curiously. He walked over with Alice a half step behind. Her face was frustrated again.

“Okay, Jacob.” Edward nodded at him.

Jacob turned to me with a strange mixture of emotion on his face. He was clearly excited by whatever this new plan of his was, but he was also still uneasy so close to his enemy allies. And then it was my turn to be wary as he held his arms out toward me.

Edward took a deep breath.

“We’re going to see if I can confuse the scent enough to hide your trail,” Jacob explained.

I stared at his open arms suspiciously.

“You’re going to have to let him carry you, Beau,” Edward told me. His voice was calm, but I could hear the subdued distaste.

I frowned.

Jacob sighed.

“I’ll behave, I promise,” he muttered.

But his eyes flickered to Edward, just like mine did. Edward’s face was composed and smooth. He spoke to Jasper.

“Beau’s scent is so much more potent to me—I thought it would be a fairer test if someone else tried.”

I deliberated for a moment and then I nodded once at Jacob and he scooped me up into his arms. He turned away from Edward and Jasper and paced swiftly into the woods. I tried to keep my face impassive, but I felt slightly uncomfortable in Jacob’s arms. It felt too intimate to me—surely he didn’t need to hold me quite so tightly—and I couldn’t help but wonder what it felt like to him. It reminded me of my last afternoon in La Push, and I still wasn’t over that, and I felt like it was perfectly fair for me to feel that way.

We didn’t go far; he made a wide arc and came back into the clearing from a different direction, maybe half a football field away from our original departure point. Edward was there alone and Jacob headed toward him.

“You can put me down now, Jake.”

“I don’t want to take a chance of messing up the experiment.” His walk slowed and his arms tightened. “You haven’t forgiven me, have you?” he mumbled.

“I accepted your apology Jake, I don’t have to forgive you overnight.”

“Come on, Beau—“ he began.

“Jake,” I interrupted him. “You don’t get a free pass for pulling something like that.”

He thought about it for a moment. “You’re right.” He sighed, and he gently set me down. “I’m sorry.”

Out of nowhere, Jasper and Alice stood beside Edward. I glanced sideways at Jacob, his face was downcast, and walked to Edward’s side.

“Well?” I asked.

“As long as you don’t touch anything, Beau, I can’t imagine someone sticking thei nose close enough to that trail to catch your scent,” Jasper said, grimacing. “It was almost completely obscured.”

“A definite success,” Alice agreed, wrinkling her nose.

“And it gave me an idea.”

“Which will work,” Alice added confidently.

“Clever,” Edward agreed.

“How do you stand that?” Jacob muttered to me, and I couldn’t stop myself from smirking in response. A smile danced on the corners of his mouth.

Edward ignored Jacob and looked at me while he explained. “We’re—well, you’re—going to leave a false trail to the clearing, Beau. The newborns are hunting, your scent will excite them, and they’ll come exactly the way we want them to without being careful about it. Alice can already see that this will work. When they catch our scent, they’ll split up and try to come at us from two sides. Half will go through the forest, where her vision suddenly disappears…”

“Yes!” Jacob hissed.

Edward smiled at him, a smile of true comradeship.

I felt nauseous. How could they be so eager for this? How could I stand having both of them in danger? I couldn’t.

I wouldn’t.

“Not a chance,” Edward said suddenly, his voice disgusted. It made me jump, worrying that he’d somehow heard my resolve, but his eyes were on Jasper.

“I know, I know,” Jasper said quickly. “I didn’t even consider it, not really.”

Alice stepped on his foot.

“If Beau was actually there in the clearing,” Jasper explained to her, “it would drive them insane. They wouldn’t be able to concentrate on anything but him. It would make picking them off truly easy…”

Edward’s glare had Jasper backtracking.

“Of course it’s too dangerous for him. It was just an errant thought,” he said quickly. But he looked at me from the corner of his eyes, and the look was wistful.

“No,” Edward said. His voice rang with finality.

“You’re right,” Jasper said. He took Alice’s hand and started back to the others. “Best two out of three?” I heard him ask her as they went to practice again.

Jacob stared after him in disgust.

“Jasper looks at things from a military perspective,” Edward quietly defended his brother. “He looks at all the options—it’s thoroughness, not callousness.”

Jacob snorted.

He’d edged closer unconsciously, drawn by his absorption in the planning. He stood only three feet from Edward now, and standing there between them, I could feel the physical tension in the air. It was like static, an uncomfortable charge.

Edward got back to business. “I’ll bring him here Friday afternoon to lay the false trail. You can meet us afterward, and carry him to a place I know. Completely out of the way, and easily defensible, not that it will come to that. I’ll take another route there.”

“And then what? Leave him with his cell phone?” Jacob asked critically.

“You have a better idea?”

Jacob was suddenly smug. “Actually, I do.”

“Oh… Again, dog, not bad at all.”

Jacob turned to me quickly, trying to include me in the conversation rather than talk over me. “We tried to talk Seth into staying behind with the younger two. He’s still too young, but he’s stubborn and he’s resisting. So I thought of a new assignment for him—cell phone.”

I felt a sudden shock as I realized which Seth he was talking about. I tried to keep my expression even as I nodded. “Seth Clearwater, right? As long as he’s in his wolf form, he’ll be connected to the rest of the pack.”

“You got it.” Jacob grinned.

“Cell phone with teeth.”

Jacob laughed.

“Distance isn’t a problem?” Edward asked, turning to Jacob.

“Nope.”

“Three hundred miles?” Edward asked. “That’s impressive.”

Jacob turned to me again. “That’s the farthest we’ve ever gone to experiment,” he told me. “Still clear as a bell.”

I nodded absently; I was reeling from the idea that sweet little Seth Clearwater was already a werewolf, too, and that made it difficult to concentrate. I could see his bright smile, so much like a younger Jacob, in my head; he couldn’t be more than fifteen, if he was that. His enthusiasm at the council meeting bonfire suddenly took on new meaning…

“It’s a good idea.” Edward seemed reluctant to admit this. “I’ll feel better with Seth there, even without the instantaneous communication. I don’t know if I’d be able to leave Beau there alone. To think it’s come to this, though! Trusting werewolves!”

“Fighting with vampires instead of against them!” Jacob mirrored Edward’s tone of disgust.

“Well, you still get to fight against some of them,” Edward said.

Jacob smiled. “That’s the reason we’re here.”

#Eclipse Revamped #The Twilight Saga #The Twilight Saga Revamped #Beau Swan #Edward Cullen #Jacob Black #twilight: life and death #Twilight reimagined #Gay Twilight

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takaraphoenix · 7 years ago

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Best Animated Movies Through the Years

After I threw some shade at Disney with the sequel-thing I did earlier, I figured I’d do a list of what I consider the best animated movies. Not just including Disney. And since I’m shit at picking favorites and properly ranking stuff, we’ll go through them by years, in chronological order. All personal picks, obviously.

Basically, this is just self-indulgent because I want to ramble about my favorite animated movies.

Also, this is going to be really long so I’ll shorten it by making you click “keep reading” below!

And by “really long”, I mean this is literally a list of 65 animated movies through the years - yeah, that is the narrowed-down version because it’s only 65 out of the 282 animated movies I have on my overall “timeline of animated movies”.

I think the way this list makes most sense is... for scrolling through to see titles you might have never heard of before and getting a recommendation for a great animated movie that isn’t necessarily just your average Disney masterpiece (though those are of course also on the list).

1937 - Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Disney

It might not be the best story-telling wise and Snow might not be the most fleshed-out Disney princess, but you can not talk about the best animated movies without respecting the first. This paved the way and this is what set the course for Disney. The animation is beautiful, even eighty years later it still looks stunning. And while not a genius in character-development, it is still a very faithful - by Disney-standards anyway - retelling of the fairy tale.

1942 - Bambi, Disney

Thumper will forever be one of my favorite Disney characters. Who watched this movie and didn’t love Bambi and Thumper and Flower is a lying liar who lies. It is beautiful, it is emotional and it’s the start of a wonerful tradition of talking animal movies.

1950 - Cinderella, Disney

I know I said in the sequel-thing that this movie is flat. But you got to keep in mind the time-period from which it is. And for that, it still stands strong. Many shame Cinderella as just being a girl after a boy and that’s it; same for Snow White by the way. All those “new age” Disney fans who think only the princesses from 2000+ are real heroines. That both Snow White and Cinderella were abused half their lives and that literally the only escape from that kind of abuse in that kind of time would be to get married and move out, is forgotten way too often. This girl has been treated as a house-slave all her life and all she wants is one night to feel like a princess - she never even really just wishes for a prince, she just wants to go to the ball - and she fights for it. It’s more a movie about overcoming abuse and issues of self-worth, of friendship and escapism than it is just a bland “That girl wants a boyfriend” movie and it deserves respect for that.

1951 - Alice in Wonderland, Disney

As a very big fan of the books, I hold a special kind of love for this movie because it’s actually a rather faithful adaptation. Of course it leaves out a lot and changes some things, but I think it stands very true to the source material and keeps a wonderful mixture of beautiful fairy tale land and creepy LSD trip in a great balance.

1959 - Sleeping Beauty, Disney

Aurora is my favorite Disney princess so I can not skip her movie. This movie wins on character design alone. Aurora gets a lot of shade thrown at her for being asleep half her movie, but you gotta try to look past that. We have a green-skinned, horned villainess who turns into a freaking dragon and spits fire. Maleficent’s design alone is amazing, but add to that the three quirky fairies and Aurora, as well as Prince Philipp who gets to not just kiss the girl as the princes before him did but to literally slay a dragon and save the kingdom for his princess and you got a real fairy tale masterpiece right there.

1967 - The Jungle Book, Disney

If I had to pick only one Disney movie, out of an artistic point of view, it would be this. Just as an artist alone, I marvel at this movie and the love for detail that went into animating the animals. The way they walk and move was done so incredibly well, you can see the effort that went into making this movie. The drawings are so beautiful. Bagheera will forever be one of my favorite Disney characters. Shere Khan is one of the three best Disney villains in existence - also, vastly misunderstood considering he really should have just eaten the brat and be done with this, I mean come on, like a pack of wolves or a panther wouldn’t have eaten the tiny snack and I still think this movie would have been improved by 100% if they had eaten Mowgli in the beginning because the brat is the only flaw this movie has.

1970 - Aristocats, Disney

This is such a beautiful story of family and love. I feel like it nearly doesn’t even need words to describe it because it’s a given that this movie should be on this list. The humor, the heart, the music, the animation, the characters. It’s adorable, and I’m saying that as a not-cat-person.

1973 - Robin Hood, Disney

It’s impressive if you just consider the fact that it was made with so much rehashed material (they reused a lot of old animation here). But it has a beautiful story, it’s innovative in the sense that it essentially introduces anthro characters and it’s just ridiculously cute.

1976 - The Twelve Tasks of Asterix | Les Douze Travaux d’Astérix, Goscinny & Uderzo

As a German, I can not do this list without including this movie. It is maybe one of the funniest animated movies in history. No one in Germany doesn’t know what a Passierschein A38 is. Growing up with the Asterix comics and other Franco-Belgian comics in the way the stereotypical nerds in American TV grew up with Marvel and DC comics, Asterix was literally the hero of my childhood and among all his movies, this one is definitely the best and the most fun to watch.

1981 - The Fox and the Hound, Disney

This is easily one of the most heartbreaking Disney movies and the only one where the love-interest is the real villain for coming between the main characters? Like? No. This movie would be perfect if not for Vixie. I love foxes, I love baby animals (when they’re animated; real ones creep me out) and I love a good story about friendship. This is really not a happy movie, which sets it apart from other Disney movies, but it’s still beautiful.

1986 - An American Tail, Don Bluth

For me, as a German kid, this was so weird to watch because the concept of immigrants and other continents aside from Europe being A Thing That Exists, it was totally alien and following Feivel and his family on that journey was a great way of being introduced into this literal New World of America. Feivel is such an endearing character, this movie is so heartfelt and has a pure focus on family and friendship that is simply beautiful to watch.

1986 - Fluppy Dogs, Disney

I know this one is a bit of a stretch because technically it’s not a movie but the pilot to a failed cartoon series, but this might easily be my favorite Disney movie of them all? The characters are so amazing, the concept of parallel worlds will forever be one of my favorite things and I was first introduced to it in this movie, the focus of friendship and overcoming differences is great and I’m sorry but this is a movie about rainbow-colored fluffy puppies that can talk and travel between universes, how is that not amazing?!

1988 - The Land Before Time, Don Bluth

Others cried when Bambi’s mom was shot, but to me this one was way worse. The pain and fear of isolation that Little Foot went through, this scary dark world around him. Those diverse, quirky and amazing characters that you met and fell in love with within this really short one hour movie - really, you have one hour and you have five main characters and yet it’s enough to make you fall for each and every one of them. How this ragtag team of dinosaurs finds together and how they become friends. It’s maybe the purest friendship-story among animated movies and I love it. Also, it’s literally the best dinosaur movie ever made and you can fight me on that.

1989 - All Dogs Go to Heaven, Don Bluth

This is so refreshing, because we don’t have this shining, pure golden boy of a protagonist. We have the first anti-hero in animated history, really. Charlie is a selfish dog and he has an amazing redemption arc. The guts to do such a thing, a redemption movie on an animated dog, I marvel at that, considering the time and that it had never been done before. You learn to love Charlie and you feel for him throughout the journey and you also feel for the little girl.

1989 - The Little Mermaid, Disney

Ariel is a brat. Ariel is maybe the only Disney princess that is mainly relatable if you yourself are a child and rebelling against your parents. As a kid, this was the best princess movie for me, I worshiped Ariel, she was so cool. As an adult, I mainly admire Triton and his patience and love for his daughter. This movie, for me, is what shows you if you’re grown up. If you still side with Ariel, you’re probably not as grown up as you like to think, and if you came around to feel for Triton, I got some bad news for you because you are officially an adult now. But even that aside, it has one of the most endearing sidekicks in Flounder, it has one of the most compelling villains in Ursula and it has some of the most beautiful musical numbers. Not to mention, the animation is gorgeously drawn.

1990 - The Rescuers Down Under, Disney

This movie is literally the only sequel in the history of sequel-making that outdoes the first movie. Its animation is beautiful, its story-telling amazing, its characters get proper arcs and are well-rounded and cute, it’s a stunning masterpiece of an animated movie (and I wasn’t even aware that there was a first one until my late teens, so it’s also amazingly done as a stand-alone movie).

1991 - Beauty and the Beast, Disney

Since I included all the other princess movies, I feel obligated to also include this. And it does have beautiful music and animation - outstanding animation, really - and it has endearing sidekicks, but I’m just not really a fan of the story itself. The whole violent, vicious beast kidnaps girl and girl completely changes everything about him and they fall in love with each other but somehow she never even bothers to ask him for his name and continues to call him Beast even though they’re already in love, not to mention this was kick-started because a 10 year old boy was rude to a stranger, what the heck Enchantress way to be overly dramatic... Yeah. That. But aside from that, as an animated movie, beyond just as a movie, it’s really beautiful.

1991 - FernGully: The Last Rainforest, 20th Century Fox

Not the English dub though. This is my third most favorite movie of all time, but I never got over the first 10 minutes of the English original because holy shit, that voice “actor” who plays the part of the male lead has never done voice acting, or any form of acting, before in his life and it’s just painful to listen to. But the movie itself is beautiful. Basically, it’s one half of Avatar, but in good (the other half being Pocahontas, of course). The message of saving our planet is done is such a beautiful, child-friendly way, the fairies and nature and the characters are so amazingly done and Hexor is like one of the best non-Disney-animated-movie-villains.

1992 - Aladdin, Disney

The weird part where it’s all about the hero, but in the end she’s the Disney princess and wins the fame and fortune contest, even though let’s be real, her plot in this is kinda weird. “Oh no, my life is too good”, yeah that’s such a relatable complaint especially for kids, and sicking your tiger onto a political ally is really great, princess, because even if you don’t want to get married, maybe try not to start a war, mh? And Aladdin’s approach of lying to get the girl is not the best either. What really wins wthis movie is, hands down, the Genie. Also the Sultan, who is one of my favorite Disney dads. The character dynamis and the growth of them throughout are also big plus-points.

1994 - The Lion King, Disney

This is one of the Disney movies that just hits the ball out of the park and it’s probably my third favorite Disney movie. The adorable animation. The mind-blowing songs. The compelling, eccentric villain, the emotions as you sob over Mufasa like a little child even when you’re over 20, the character design and the animals themselves, as well as the beautiful set-art. This movie is really very amazing.

1994 - The Swan Princess, Rich Animation

I mentioned once before that Toy Story is a perfect trilogy. So are this movie and its sequels. Yes, the first one is superior to its sequels and thus only it will find its way onto this list but the second and third are definite must-see movies too the others do not exist though and they should not exist. Odette is the original princess who didn’t just fall into the hero’s arms and had a love-at-first-sight romance. Disney gets props for Anna in Frozen like that’s the first time that happened, but if you look past Disney, it happened as early as 19994. Odette and Derek grow up not liking each other and when she’s pretty as a teen, he suddenly wants to marry her and she asks him why - and he answers because she’s pretty. And she flat-out rejects him. He has to fight for her heart and he falls in love with her on the way, really in love, and he makes her fall in love with him. It’s a beautiful love-story, with quirky animal sidekicks, endearing characters and beautiful animations. In many ways, this is superior to most Disney princess movies, really.

1995 - Pocahontas, Disney

I have always and will always love this movie, albeit I have to admit it’s... problematic. For children outside the US, who are only taught about US history in their teens, those “romanticized history” movies are a bit of a danger because we can easily fall to believe them to be true... er than they actually are (that there were no talking trees and that he didn’t learn the native tongue via singing, that much was obvious, thank you very much). But when you’re 14 and learn that her life was nothing like in the movie, that's kind of devastating. I feel like history is not the thing that should be romanticized like that. Still, it’s beautiful and great story-telling and characters and art and songs - even though singing them now makes you feel vaguely racist so that’s also a bit problematic?

1995 - Toy Story, Disney Pixar

I didn’t like this movie as a child. Mainly due to it being computer animated and fuck computer animation, gimme my 2D back. Yeah, I still have that mindset but by now I have learned to also appreciate animated movies. Not to mention, I think that for me as a kid the themes of betrayal and darkness (Sid’s house) were just too much as a child wheras I can very much appreciate them and see the complexity of the movie now as an adult. It’s great story-telling and if you consider that the animation is from 1995, it really holds up great (especially if you compare that with the animation from 2005′s Chicken Little, which might just be the worst animation-quality in all of Disney’s history, really).

1995 - Balto, Amblin Entertainment

Steele is one of the greatest non-Disney villains. This movie is beautifully complex because you get to follow this outcast on his journey of becoming part of society and rising to become a hero. It also got a beautiful arc of self-discovery, what with Balto’s status as a half-blood being what makes him an outcast to begin with. Not dog, but also not wolf. Yet in the end, he has to learn that he’s not neither, but rather both and that both sides are part of him and make him who he is. It’s a beautiful story about acceptance of one’s self.

1996 - The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Disney

Speaking of a story about accepting one’s self. This is really daring for a Disney movie, considering the lead is... deformed, whereas all Disney movies so far only include perfect people (unless villain). Also, the main character doesn’t get the girl in a semi-surprise twist. Not to mention, it brings us the first canonically gay Disney character in Hugo. Yes, he’s a gargoyle and yes, his male love-interest is a goat and yes he is not the representation you may want, but he’s the representation you’ll get, at least for now (and stop over-analyzing ridiculous shit like “Oh, two women are at the zoo with one child in Finding Dory. They must be the first lesbians *gasp*”... that is not representation, that is cheap and a throw-away). Not to mention, this movie has the best soundtrack out of all the Disney movies.

1997 - Hercules, Disney

We have a very complicated relationship, this movie and I. I love it to bits and pieces and it’s one of my favorite Disney movies, but at the same time I’ve learned to hate what an inaccurate adaptation of the Greek myths it is and particularly Hades’ misrepresentation makes me angry in a deeply seated way but on the other hand Hades is literally the most compelling and amazing Disney villain in existence. It confuses me. I love it so much, but deep down at its essence, part of me wants to hate it for what it did to my favorite god. But at the same time, I love that character in particular for being such a great villain.

1997 - Anastasia, Don Bluth

This is it. This is the best animated movie ever made. This is my favorite movie of all times. I’ve seen it at least 50 times by now - my guess, I stopped counting roughly ten years ago and I was at 27 back then. Just like Odette in Swan Princess, Anastasia actually falls in love with her love-interest. No love at first sight nonsense. They start off antagonizing each other, but learn to work together and ultimately fall in love. We have friendship, we have a great journey and also a great journey of self-discovery - but not just on Anastasia’s part, because her love interest is not just The Love Interest, he also gets his own arc of self-discovery. We have an intensely scary villain and we have beautiful, beautiful songs. Not to mention, Anastasia kicks major butt. She doesn’t need a man to save her, she saves the man and she literally kicks the villain’s ass. This movie is a masterpiece and a gem.

1998 - The Quest for Camelot, Warner Brothers

The movie is not as good as you remember it, believe me because I experienced the let-down, but it has one very major thing going for it: It includes a disabled character as a lead. Before Toph Beifong, this movie had a kick-ass blind character in it and that’s huge because it still barely happens and that’s a real shame. For that alone, it gets major props. Not to mention, it is kind of quite the unique take on the Arthurian legend and it’s a fun movie. But as a movie itself, it’s not overly outstanding, if you rewatch it now.

1998 - Mulan, Disney

While I said earlier that Fluppy Dogs is my favorite Disney movie, I’m aware that’s a lot of nostalgia talking and I know it’s not the best Disney movie. This right here is, though. The story-telling, the love-story and character development, the stakes of this movie are amazing, the emotions are intense. People cry when Mufasa or Bambi’s mom die, but I think the single most gut-wrenching moment of Disney history is when the most joyful song in the movie stops dead in its tracks and we see this destroyed village and we know that they’re all dead down there. The movie also has the single greatest moment, when all of China kneels before this one girl and acknowledges that yes, she is the one who saved China. She did this. Mulan is a heroine, but she doesn’t start out as that. She just starts out as a girl who wants to protect her father and she actually has to learn to be a hero. It’s amazing and emotional and yet still through it all funny and that is really mostly due to Mushu, who coincidentally was also the first time of me really liking Otto Waalkes (Mushu’s German voice and a very famous German comedian).

1998 - The Last Unicorn, Rankin/Bass Productions

This movie is so artistically beautiful and keeps such an amazing mystical vibe to it throughout. It’s very weird and scarily creepy at times that are maybe too much for a kid and a major downside of its German dub is that the songs are kept in English - I only realized a few years ago that the music actually tells a story, and that’s kind of disappointing to learn so late. But it’s just... breathtakingly beautiful and tragically sad.

1998 - The Prince of Egypt, DreamWorks

I really loathed this movie as a child. Mainly due to its Christan themes and I just got enough of that in class where they shoved it down our throats, not to mention among all the religions, Christian myths are like the most miserable, dark and scary ones, in my opinion. That movie was so not child-friendly. It was so dark and scary and brutal and miserable. Now, as an adult, I can totally appreciate those tones and I marvel at the amazing story-telling, but as a child? I was scared of this movie and I did not like it. But the animation, story-telling and the music are amazing and it really blew my mind when I rewatched it as a late teen.

1999 - The Iron Giant, Warner Brothers

I watched this movie for the first time this year, because my favorite YouTube nerds keep bringing it up during Movie Fights, so I figured I’d check it out considering I never heard of it before. I guess it must have slipped through the cracks. So I saw it for the first time, 20 years after its release. And you just don’t notice that. The animation, the story-telling, the movie - it completely holds up. It’s such a sweet but also sad story about friendship. It’s really great.

2000 - The Road to El Dorado, DreamWorks

I did not like this movie as a child. Don’t even really know why, to be honest. But when I rewatched it as a teen, I really loved it a lot. Miguel and Tulio are such great, complex characters and their journey together is amazing. Not to mention, I will never stop being upset about the fact that DreamWorks chickened out of making them the first canonically gay couple in an animated movie - which yes, was the first draft for this movie. It’d have been amazing if they had pulled through with it, really. I think that is why I hate Chel so much - and my hatred for her might be the root for why I disliked this movie as a kid. Because Chel was literally just created to get between Miguel and Tulio. But other than her, this movie is rock-solid.

2001 - Shrek, DreamWorks

Definitely not the best, but a fun movie and innovative in its parodic nature. Also has fun characters and an original story and I appreciate the way they inverted the original Disney tropes.

2001 - Atlantis: The Lost Empire, Disney

Again, one of those movies that didn’t work for me as a kid but ever since I’ve been a late teen, I watched it probably ten times because it’s amazing. It’s complex, has great character developing and story-telling and it has such a diverse cast and an original idea. I’m really sad that, most likely due to its complexity, it kinda flopped and fell flat. But, if there is one movie that does deserve the Disney live-action remake treatment, it’d be this because this movie deserves the attention and I think that in today’s time, it would do so much better.

2001 - Monsters, Inc., Disney Pixar

This was actually the first Pixar movie that I liked right away. It had cute and fun characters, a fascinating concept behind its story and it was both funny and emotional.

2002 - Ice Age, Blue Sky

They’re completely driving this franchise into the ground, but the first one was really good. I have a weakness for those “ragtag team of misfits needs to band together” kind of stories, if you haven’t noticed. And this movie does it in such a fresh, new setting. It was really enjoyable.

2002 - Lilo & Stitch, Disney

After Mulan, the best Disney movie there is. This movie is so incredibly deep and emotinonal that it never ceases to blow my mind. The sibling-love, this way they deal with the emotions and with Lilo and Stitch and both their arcs of self-discovery is just singular. There is no other movie like this.

2002 - Treasure Planet, Disney

A vastly underrated Disney movie, really. It’s spectacularly done and has such a great story-arc and development and emotional scale, not to mention the imagery that it offers. So beautiful and so much fun.

2003 - Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas, DreamWorks

After rewatching and falling for The Prince of Egypt and The Road of El Dorado, I decided to rewatch all the movies I disliked as a child to see if I would actually end up liking them - and this one is another one of those. It has such an epic scale and does the one thing I missed about Hercules; it gives us the monsters and gods in mindblowing sizes and scenes. Eris, also, the greatest DreamWorks villain of all time, while still keeping her mythologically in character.

2005 - Hoodwinked, Kanbar Animation

The animation of this movie does not hold up. It looks outdated, yes. But the story-telling is superb. The parody-twist to the tale of Red Riding Hood, added with how it’s perceived by the different characters, as well as the humor of it. I remember in 2006, after it was released, I was really sick that one week and I literally watched it 32 times in a row. It was just so innovative in the way it was told and I really enjoyed how clever it was. Also, I was really out of my mind with that cold or otherwise I might have also wathced another movie or two...

2006 - Over the Hedge, DreamWorks

This is such a fun movie. I enjoy a good redemption story of an anti-hero who realizes that scamming the good guys ain’t the way to go. The fact that said anti-hero is a racoon only makes it all the better.

2007 - Ratatouille, Disney Pixar

It’s such a cute story and such an interesting take on story-telling that makes me like this movie, even though it’s not very deep and doesn’t have the most fleshed-out characters.

2008 - Kung Fu Panda, DreamWorks

The first one ought to be on this list, because it was fresh, it was funny and it was cute. The way the different characters played out and played with each other was really nice. Also, great action, for a kid’s animated movie anyway.

2008 - Wall-E, Disney Pixar

This is an amazing movie. With its message and story-telling, the way it connects to the viewer even though there’s basically no dialogue in it for most of the movie. I think as a kid I would have so not enjoyed it because of the lack of dialogue and its heavier tones regarding the overall message, but when I watched it when it came out - and I was 16 back then - I really enjoyed it.

2008 - Bolt, Disney

I adore Bolt. I mean, I feel totally cheated because the trailer was cut to make it look like we were actually getting the Bolt series from within the movie as the actual movie and the idea of a super-dog was really cool, but even as it stood, it was a great movie and Mittens’ arc was particularly amazing in it.

2009 - Up, Disney Pixar

Honestly, doesn’t really deserve to be on the list if you see it as an overall movie. Most people get hung up on the first ten minutes of it - and those ten minutes alone are a masterpiece and would totally win as a short-movie. But there is a lot more to this movie. And it ain’t that amazing, really. It’s funny and quirky, sure, but definitely not outstanding. It’s quite ridiculous, even for an animated movie. But for the first ten minutes alone, this movie deserves to be on this list.

2009 - The Princess and the Frog, Disney

Again, doesn’t quite deserve to be on this list in my opinion, because I hate how it completely disregards the original fairy tale - starting a startlingly concerning trend for Disney here - and the blatant plotholes. It gets plus-points for being 2D again and for introducing the first black princess, but personally I think the first black princess would have deserved better than this. I understand why this movie flopped, really. Even if it’s still a cute and nice movie, it is far below average by Disney standards.

2010 - How to Train Your Dragon, DreamWorks

Oh, this movie is glorious. I have to admit, this movie is actually why I went and rewatched all those other DreamWorks movies that I used to hate as a kid, because this movie was the first time DreamWorks became an actual household name, to me. Before that, DreamWorks was just another one of those “non Disney companies” and that was it. With this movie, for the first time, they earned themselves their own name and category in my mind and made me rediscover a lot of actually great movies. The story-telling in this movie is just so great and it gets extra credit for its adorable dragon characters that are so lovable and individual. Not to mention, this movie spawned an amazing animated cartoon series.

2010 - Despicable Me, Illumination

The first one is actually a really great and beautiful movie about family and self-discovery. And then the Minions took over and this franchise sank faster than the Titantic.

2010 - Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole, DreamWorks

This might be the most beautifully animated movie in history. It is simply gorgeous and even if you just watch it for the aesthetics, you have to see it. Though it also has a very compelling story. I just think it’s a bit too dark and too realistically animated to resonate with children, which might just be why it flopped too. But when I watched it when it came out, I really enjoyed it because it is more for an older teen audience.

2010 - Megamind, DreamWorks

Such a great, vastly underrated movie. It’s so much fun, it’s so fresh and new while playing with old and overused tropes and the characters are really refreshingly quirky.

2010 - Tangled, Disney

Mixed feelings for that one. Hate how much they altered the original tale, but still enjoy this movie as it stands. It’s so cute and sweet and how they actually take the time to fall in love is just as beautiful. Not to mention, Flynn Rider is definitely the most compelling male Disney hero/prince there is, right after Hercules.

2012 - Brave, Disney Pixar

It’s so nice to have a princess who actually stays single. Though, honestly, with the options offered to her... not a surprise. At least one of them could have been at the very least handsome, to show that it takes more than just good looks to love someone. But that all options presented were also... not nice to look at was just so typically superficial of Disney that it was a bit disappointing.

2012 - Hotel Transylvania, Sony Pictures

This is just so funny and cute. The monsters as dorky characters, the fun of it all. This movie is just a good time, whether you’re a kid or not. And I have to say, after I did mention in many of these entries that they only really connected with me as an adult, I want to include a movie that’s a bit more... simple and just real fun, because those animated movies should be fun for kids too.

2012 - Wreck-It Ralph, Disney

I think this would have been so much cooler with more casual gaming cameos - and I’m saying this as a non-gamer, but seeing characters like Link or Mario or someone recognizable there would have been real cool and I’m hoping for that in the second one. Still, the way the princess trope and the villain trope were handled here was just brilliant and it’s such a sweet story that that alone makes it a must-watch.

2012 - Rise of the Guardians, DreamWorks

And we’ve reached it. The best computer animated movie of all times, my second favorite movie of all times (after Anastasia, the number one spot for 2D animated movie). This is a true masterpiece. I marvel at its animation - the frost in particular is just so beautiful simply to look at, but also the dream-sand and the characters. The story-telling is so gorgeous to watch, the characters are so sweet and amazing - and it gets special bonus-points for not forcing an unnecessariy love-story into this as so many other movies do even though it’s not really a good fit for the overall movie. Also, I just adore Jack Frost as a character. If there is only one movie from this list that you’re going to watch, then please make it this one, even above Anastasia.

2013 - The House of Magic, Touchstone Pictures

This is a smaller scale movie, but it’s very sweet. This story of finding your place in the world, finding acceptance and a family is just one that will never get old. And if it’s told through talking animals and a cute stray little kitten, that’s a simple hook right there, really.

2014 - The Nut Job, Open Roads Film

I have been told that this movie is not as good as I think it is and I don’t care. It’s a heist movie with a purple squirrel in the lead role as an anti-hero with a redemption arc and it doesn't have any unnecessary love-story forced into it; it is as great as I think it is.

2014 - Big Hero 6, Disney

If you haven’t cried like a baby in this movie, you’re dead inside. This, also, a movie I would not have enjoyed that much as a kid because it’s so dark, so much death. Killing off the brother of a boy who already is an orphan and then having that ending, it's just brutal for a kids’ movie. But it’s also beautiful and amazing and the team-dynamics and fun are great as well as the action and it actually deals with the process of grieving and doesn’t just throw it away carelessly as most others tended to do in the past.

2014 - Mune: Guardian of the Moon | Mune, le gardien de la lune, On Animation Studios

This is such an artistically beautiful movie that I would have probably never found if not for a reader of mine who recommended it to me. It’s gorgeous and the mythology created in this movie, about the guardians of the sun and moon, is so rich and amazing. It’s so cute and compelling and I really think more people should know that it exists.

2015 - Inside Out, Disney

Again, not a movie I’d have liked much as a kid. Way too deep and meta, really. This whole psychological aspect and the depth of it are what make it so compelling and amazing, but also why I wouldn’t have liked it as a child. It’s kind of fun, but mostly it’s really deep. Also, a bit questionable in its choices of “emotions in charge of literally EVERY being”... they should have skipped the tagged on credit scene where we see that literally everyone has those very same emotions in charge. How does Disgust beat out feelings like Hatred, Love, Friendship... and also reduces some of those into islands instead of actual emotions? Yeah, a bit problematic there. But overall a great movie.

2016 - Leap! | Ballerina, L'Atelier Animation

It’s such a cute story about friendship, family and finding your own way in life. It’s also really compelling to see a character with a passion about something, but zero natural talent. The way she has to work hard to learn and become a great ballerina is half the fun of this movie.

2016 - Zootopia, Disney

I’ve been salty with Disney since Frozen and though Big Hero 6 and Inside Out were good, this was the one that restored my faith in Disney again after that huge ass disappointment. This is such a great story about friendship and redemption - even if it’s just the redemption in one’s own eyes. Not to mention; a fox and a bunny. Literally two of my three most favorite animals. It’s so good. So much fun. I mean, they totally overdid it when they faked Judy’s death because the kids around me in the theater strated crying and wailing because that was just a little too close to looking real for a child to understand that it’s not. Keep your audience in mind, Disney.

2016 - Moana, Disney

Ah, the last entry for this. The newest Disney princess. I really enjoyed this movie a lot. It was beautifully made, it was a lot of fun, had good musical numbers, was a very interesting story with an amazing pseudo-plot-twist there at the end (I mean, come on, it was really very obvious literally right from the start, but still brilliantly executed and very emotional). Also, again, princess who not just stays single but where finding a husband doesn’t even have to be mentioned. Very refreshing.

#Disney #Animated Movies #DreamWorks #Illumination #Don Bluth #Timeline of animated Movies #Best of List

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dustydreamsanddirtyscars · 8 years ago

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12x11 “Regarding Dean”

On the “Alice in Wonderland” & “Alice Through the Looking Glass” in “Regarding Dean”

”...cause all the King’s horses and all the King’s men, couldn’t put him back together again...”

-The “Humpty Dumpty” Riddle

I talked about this topic a little bit yesterday already in this post, but was too tired to expand and talk more about all of the references to Lewis Carroll’s “Alice in Wonderland” as well as “Alice Through the Looking Glass” that were inserted in this week’s episode. It was in 10x05 “Fan Fiction” that Maeve, the stage manager described the moment when Calliope started influencing their play with the words “we’re past the looking glass, people” and it couldn’t be a more fitting and more impoortant line in relation to 12x11 “Regarding Dean”, because as much as the 200th episode was about a fictional story and with it it’s characters becoming real, so one major theme of this week’s episode also dealt with the question of reality. And the uncertainty of reality, perception and truth aren’t just topics extremely heavily tackled in Lewis Carroll’s stories, these things also play a heavy and important role in our current reality/society where we are met with “alternative facts” and “fake news” every single day and which it seems Supernatural even if only very slightly is making a comment on. But don’t worry, this is all I am going to allude to here in relation to RL.

What excited and still excites me about this week’s episode is how cleverly and detailed it worked with “Alice in Wonderland” and “Alice Through the Looking Glass” references all throughout the episode. And I refuse to believe all of these are accidental - especially when taking into account how the show made a great effort in making known that Sam and Dean work in Arkansas, which is described as the “Carroll County” (see the 4th gif)

Lewis Carroll, the creator of these stories, in scientific discussion is analyzed as someone who used these stories not only as an homage to childhood, childhood innocence and the sadness about the inevitability of growing up, but he is also understood to have been a writer who tackled a whole lot of philosophical questions on semantics, language and logic in his works. In literature his two probably most famous stories surrounding Alice are described as “non-sense literature”, but if you dig deep you can find a whole lot of sense in it and also a great deal of thoughts about aspects of identity building. And that: growing up and identity shaping have been integral parts of Supernatural during these past few seasons.

Down the Rabbit Hole

So let’s take a look at how the episode starts. After a brief chase through the woods, which establishes a fairytale-esque setting and the archetype of “lost in the woods” (see more thoughts on that here) Dean finds himself waking up on the ground unable to re-trace how he got there. Not accidentally in that moment Dean isn’t shown alone, but in company with a black bunny, which serves as a wonderful first reverse parallel and reminder to Alice following the White Rabbit down the Rabbit Hole and down to “Wonderland”, a place where nothing seems to make sense and challenges Alice’s beliefs and understanding of reality and truth. And these two things are issues Dean faces in the episode as well. Almost all of the characters she meets down there theorize and ponder quite heavy philosophical questions. For example about the nature of words and the importance of names and who gives meaning and names to which things and who determines which are correct and with that the truth. The whole discussion and focus on names and meanings that is prevalent in “Alice in Wonderland” is featured in the episode through the post-it’s and especially so when Dean calls a “lamp” a “light stick”, which isn’t wrong per se, because it captures the essence of the object, but still would be considered the false name. Other example within the episode that tackle the topic of language and names in a Carrollish way is when Dean says that “Rowena’s a weird name” for example or the whole Dean trying to read his own lips and only producing gibberish or - in other word “non-sense” - at best (this reminds of Humpty Dupty talking about the jabberwocky and his grammar for example)with “Now salsa, you mittens.”

One of the most memorable conversations in this regard Alice has with Humpty Dumpty for example (and this is the only character I’ll mention here otherwise this meta would be wayyyyy too long) and Humpty Dumpty is the character I chose, because the famous poem surrounding him provides a picture perfect summary of Dean’s predicament of losing his memory and in so far not only losing control, but moreso losing his sense of self. Commonly Humpty Dumpty is imagined as an egg, something fragile. That analogy is in so far very fitting as - like the rhyme shows I quoted at the top - the mind is a fragile thing and it is hard to put yourself back together after you’ve fallen apart (and here I’ll mention this also fitting to Dean as the tin man).

In the episode after Dean says hi to the black bunny and tries to determine where he is, he uses “Waldo’s Waffles” as a meeting place with Sam. This may be a stretch, but the mascot of said food chain reminds me a great deal of Humpty Dumpty with the hat and all that.

Walking further through the episode another recurring theme of the past seasons is brought up again, that is also an integral part of Lewis Carroll’s books: The aspect of adolescene and growing up. In relation to how Dean becomes more childlike the more the spell progresses, Sam’s line about Dean “not being 20 anymore” stands out quite drastically and directly relates to the whole identity discourse in which often times adolescence is understood to be a transitional and transformational time that goes hand in hand with a certain loos of self, which Alice faces as well when she mutters at some point “that she barely knows herself anymore”.

Loss of Direction, Loss of Control and Loss of Self>

This type of confusion can also be found when Dean is standing in front of the mirror (and the mirror shots have been plenty with Dean the past seasons - especially during the MoC arc - and revealing and were massively important in relation to issues with identity) and basically echoes the same kind of confusion Alice is experiencing as he looks at himself in the mirror and no longer can even remember his own name.

This loss of self in the episode as well as in Carroll’s story goes hand in hand with a loss of direction as well. For example when Alce asks the shehire cat which way to go, it tells her that to know the way, one first has to know where one wants to go (another quite philosophical topic of the book). When Alice tries to get out of the forest with the shehire cat, the signs constantly change and this constant change is quite troubling and traumatic for her, because she loses her sense of direction and by all means control. Similarly Dean can’t find their motel room any longer, saying these “dumps all look the same”. And even more of a direct nod to “Alice Through the Looking Glass” is made when Dean drives forward when thinking he drives backwards. In the book for example Alice has to stay standing to arrive somehwere or has to head the oppposite direction of where she wants to go in order to actually get there. All of this confusion of course culminates in an utter feeling of loss of control, which Dean explains he feels how “everything is slipping out of his hands”.

At first Sam chalks up Dean’s odd behaviour to him having been blackout-drunk and lectures him on that. His choice of words is really interesting here, because he says he would also “like to crawl into a bottle too sometimes” implying that Dean did just that to escape the doom and gloom of their recent past. Alice, as has been stablished by now, is Alice. And you know how she manages to travel and get away one time in the story? After she takes a drink (a bottle labeled “Drink Me”, which is referneced through the post-its in the episode and most prominently when the trunk of the Impala says “open me”) she decreases in size and is able to literally crawl into a bottle and escape that way.

In the end of “Alice in Wonderland” it gets revealed that all of what Alice experienced only happened in a dream of her childlike phantasy to which she escaped when she should have been studying. So she wakes up, still a kid, but closer to adolescence, having experienced the uncertainty of not knowing where to belong and who to be. Dean’s experience when having been hexed could be compared to that. And like I said yesterday already, this aspect of the innocence of childhood and the grim brutality of adult life is driven home through the ending montage set to “Broomstick Cowboy” describing childhood like a dream every adult needs to wake up from at some point. But even though that song evokes a lot of sad connotations, one thing should be remembered: That montage very consciously intercut moments of Dean under the spell with Dean riding Larry. And if you ask me, that was done to drive one point home: That yes, that spell may have unburdened Dean for a while, but it also ripped him off who he is (which was horrrifying for him even though he didn’t remember anything - yet he stoof in front of the mirror and cried). Yeah, in the end that montage showed that Dean is able to be just as goofy and carefree (cause he’s a kid at heart still) with all of his baggage, because when he decided to go rodeo riding, he may not have been entirely sober, but she sure wasn’t one thing: hexed. He was just himself.

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gaysparklepires · 7 years ago

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14. Declaration

“You can’t be serious,” I said Wednesday afternoon. “You’ve completely lost your mind!”

“Say whatever you like about me,” Alice answered. “The party is still on.”

I stared at her, my eyes so wide with disbelief it felt like they might fall out and land on my lunch tray.

“Oh, calm down, Beau! There’s no reason not to go through with it. Besides, the invitations are already sent.”

“But… the… you… I… insane!” I spluttered.

“You’ve already bought my present,” she reminded me. “You don’t have to do anything but show up.”

I made an effort to calm myself. “With everything that’s going on right now, a party is hardly appropriate.”

“Graduation is what’s going on right now, and a party is so appropriate it’s almost passé.”

“Alice!”

She sighed, and tried to be serious. “There are a few things we need to get in order now, and that’s going to take a little time. As long as we’re sitting here waiting, we might as well commemorate the good stuff. You’re only going to graduate from high school—for the first time—once. You don’t get to be human again, Beau. This is a once-in-a-lifetime-shot.”

Edward, silent through our little argument, flashed her a warning look. She stuck out her tongue at him. She was right—her soft voice would never carry over the babble of the cafeteria. And no one would understand the meaning behind her words in any case.

“What few things do we need to get in order?” I asked, refusing to be sidetracked.

Edward answered in a low voice. “Jasper thinks we could use some help. Taras’s family isn’t the only choice we have. Carlisle’s trying to track down a few old friends, and Jasper is looking up Peter and Charlotte. He’s considering talking to Maria… but no one really wants to involve the southerners.”

Alice shuddered delicately.

“It shouldn’t be too hard to convince them to help,” he continued. “Nobody wants a visit from Italy.”

“But these friends—they’re not going to be… vegetarians, right?” I protested, using the Cullens’ tongue-in-cheek nickname for themselves.

“No,” Edward answered, suddenly expressionless.

“Here? In Forks?”

“They’re friends,” Alice reassured me. “Everything’s going to be fine. Don’t worry. And then, Jasper has to teach us a few courses on newborn elimination…”

Edward’s eyes brightened at that, and a brief smile flashed across his face. My stomach suddenly felt like it was full of sharp little splinters of ice.

“When are you going?” I asked in a hollow voice. I couldn’t stand this—the idea that someone might not come back. What if it was Emmett, so brave and thoughtless that he was never the least bit cautious? Or Esme, so sweet and motherly that I couldn’t even imagine her in a fight? Or Alice, so tiny, so fragile-looking? Or… but I couldn’t even think the name, consider the possibility.

“A week,” Edward said casually. “That ought to give us enough time.”

The icy splinters twisted uncomfortably in my stomach. I was suddenly nauseated.

“You look kind of green, Beau,” Alice commented.

Edward put his arm around me and pulled me tightly against his side. “It’s going to be fine, Beau. Trust me.”

Sure, I thought to myself. Trust him. The big topic, that was—trust. But it was easy for him to ask me to trust him when he wasn’t the one who’d be sitting at home wondering who might not come home.

“We’re still missing something…” I muttered. “Something important.”

“It will be fine, Beau.” Edward said softly.

I sighed.

“Oh,” Alice said, and a blank look crossed her face. Then her expression became surly. “I hate last-minute cancellations. So that puts the party attendance list down to sixty-five…”

“Sixty-five!” My eyes bulged again. I didn’t have that many friends. Did I even know that many people?

“Who canceled?” Edward wondered, ignoring me.

“Renée.”

“What?” I gasped.

“She was going to surprise you for your graduation, but something went wrong. You’ll have a message when you get home.”

I went to grab my phone out of my pocket, feeling a rush of panic when I couldn’t find it.

“I think you forgot it at home, it’s probably sitting on your nightstand.” Alice smiled.

“Oh, right.”

For a moment, I just let myself enjoy the relief. Whatever it was that went wrong for my mother, I was eternally grateful to it. If she had come to Forks now… I didn’t want to think about it. My head would explode.

Alice was right, my phone was sitting on my nightstand, a small alert notifying me there was a new voice message. My feeling of relief flared again as I listened to my mother describe Phil’s accident on the ball field—while demonstrating a slide, he’d tangled up with the catcher and broken his thigh bone; he was entirely dependent on her, and there was no way she could leave him. My mom was still apologizing when the message cut off.

“Well, that’s one,” I sighed.

“One what?” Edward asked.

“Once person I don’t have to worry about getting killed this week.”

He rolled his eyes.

“Why won’t you and Alice take this seriously?” I demanded. “This is serious.”

He smiled. “Confidence.”

“Confidence and stupidity aren’t that different in this case,” I grumbled. I opened my contacts on my phone and called Renée. I knew it would be a long conversation, but I also knew that I wouldn’t have to contribute much.

I just listened, and assured her every time I could get a word in: I wasn’t disappointed, I wasn’t mad, I wasn’t hurt. She should concentrate on helping Phil get better. I passed on my “get well soon” to Phil, and promised to call her with every single detail from Fork High’s generic graduation. Finally, I had to use my desperate need to study for finals to say goodbye.

Edward’s patience was endless. He waited politely through the whole conversation, just rubbing my back and smiling whenever I looked up. His smile was a comfort in a lot of ways. Perhaps it was the superhuman beauty he possessed. Maybe it was my feelings for him. Or maybe it was that confidence he mentioned. Whatever it was, for a moment, while talking to my mother, while Edward stood by and watched, I wasn’t worried about hostile vampire armies.

As soon as I hung up and pocketed my phone, I stretched onto my tiptoes to kiss him. He put his arms around my waist and lifted me, so I wouldn’t have to reach. That worked for me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and melted against his cold chest.

I felt his arms tighten around me, and he moaned quietly. I smirked against his lips before gently tracing my tongue along his bottom lip.

I felt his breath hitch in his throat and he pulled away. In a fluid motion he set me down on my bed, and stood in front of me trying to force his expression to look disappointed in me.

“I know you think that I have some kind of perfect, unyielding self-control, but that’s not actually the case.”

“I know,” I smiled.

And he sighed.

“After school tomorrow,” he said, changing the subject, “I’m going hunting with Carlisle, Esme, and Royal. Just for a few hours—we’ll stay close. Alice, Jasper, and Emmett should be able to keep you safe.”

“Ugh,” I grumbled. Tomorrow was the first day of finals, and it was only a half-day. I had Calculus and History—the only two challenges in my line-up—so I’d have almost the whole day without him, and nothing to do but worry. “I hate being babysat.”

“It’s temporary,” he promised.

“Jasper will be busy planning his newborn fighting lessons. Emmett’s too preoccupied with the fight to pay much attention to me. And Alice is in party planner mode.”

“They’ll keep you entertained.”

“Sure,” I grumbled.

And then it occurred to me that I did have one option besides babysitters. “You know… I haven’t been to La Push since the bonfire.”

I watched his face carefully for any changes in expression. His eyes tightened the tiniest bit.

“I’d be safe enough there,” I reminded him.

He thought about it for a few seconds. “You’re probably right.”

His face was calm, but just a little too smooth. I hoped he wasn’t thinking too deeply about it, that might make him say no. I decided to change the subject. “Are you thirsty already?” I asked, reaching up to stroke the light shadow beneath his eye. His irises were still a deep gold.

Not really.” He seemed reluctant to answer, and that surprised me. I waited for an explanation.

“We want to be as strong as possible,” he explained, still reluctant. “We’ll probably hunt again on the way, looking for big game.”

“That makes you stronger?”

He searched my face for something, but there was nothing to find but curiosity.

“Yes,” he finally said. “Human blood makes us the strongest, though only fractionally. Jasper’s been thinking about cheating—adverse as he is to the idea, he’s nothing if not practical—but he won’t suggest it. He knows what Carlisle will say.”

“Would that help?” I asked quietly.

“It doesn’t matter. We aren’t going to change who we are.”

“I wasn’t suggesting that,” I frowned. “I was thinking maybe you guys could rob a blood bank or something.”

He smirked, then changed the subject again. “That’s why they’re so strong, of course. The newborns are full of human blood—their own blood, reacting to the change. It lingers in the tissues and strengthens them. Their bodies use it up slowly, like Jasper said, the strength starting to wane after about a year.”

I sat, thoughtful for a moment. “How strong would I be?”

He grinned. “Stronger than I am.”

“Stronger than Emmett?”

The grin got bigger. “Yes. Do me a favor and challenge him to an arm-wrestling match. It would be a good experience for him.”

I laughed. It sounded so ridiculous.

Then I sighed and hopped up from my bed, because I really couldn’t put it off any longer. I had to cram, and cram hard. Luckily, I had Edward’s help, and Edward was an excellent tutor—since he knew absolutely everything. I figured my biggest problem would be just focusing on the tests. If I didn’t watch myself, I might end up writing my History essay on the vampire wars of the South, or the histories of the Quileutes.

I took a break to call Jacob, and Edward seemed just as comfortable as he had when I was on the phone with Renée. He rubbed my back again.

Though it was the middle of the afternoon, my call woke Jacob up, and he was grouchy at first. He cheered right up when I asked if I could visit the next day. The Quileute school was already out for the summer, so he told me to come over as early as I could. I was pleased to have an option besides being babysat. Plus it would be nice to see Jacob, and there was certainly more dignity in that.

Some of that dignity was lost when Edward insisted again on delivering me to the border line like a child being exchanged by custodial guardians.

“So how do you feel you did on your exams?” Edward asked on the way, making small talk.

“History was easy, but I don’t know about the Calculus. It seemed like it was making sense, so that probably means I failed.”

He laughed. “I’m sure you did fine. Or, if you’re really worried, I could bribe Mr. Varner to give you an A.”

“Er, thanks, but no thanks.”

He laughed again, but suddenly stopped when we turned the last bend and saw the red car waiting. He frowned in concentration, and then, as he parked the car, he sighed.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, my hand on the door.

He shook his head. “Nothing.” His eyes narrowed as he stared through the windshield toward the other car. I’d seen that look before.

“You’re not listening to Jacob, are you?” I accused.

“It’s not easy to ignore someone when he’s shouting.”

“Oh.” I thought about that for a second. “What’s he shouting?” I whispered.

“I’m absolutely certain he’ll mention it himself,” Edward said in a wry tone.

I would have pressed the issue, but then Jacob honked his horn—two quick impatient honks.

“That’s impolite.” Edward growled.

“That’s Jacob,” I sighed, and I hurried out before Jacob did something to really set Edward’s teeth on edge.

I waved to Edward before I got into the Rabbit and, from that distance, it looked like he was truly upset about the honking thing… or whatever Jacob was thinking about. But my eyes were weak and made mistakes all the time.

I wanted Edward to come to me. I wanted to make both of them get out of their cars and shake hands and be friends—be Edward and Jacob rather than vampire and werewolf. It was as if I had those two stubborn magnets in my hands again, and I was holding them together, trying to force nature to reverse herself…

I sighed, and climbed into Jacob’s car.

“Hey, babe.” Jake’s tone was cheerful, but his voice dragged. I examined his face as he started down the road, driving a little faster than I did, but slower than Edward, on his way back to La Push.

Jacob looked different, maybe even sick. His eyelids drooped and his face was drawn. His shaggy hair stuck out in random directions; it was almost to his chin in some places.

“Are you all right, Jake?”

“Just tired,” he managed to get out before he was overcome by a massive yawn. When he finished, he asked, “What do you want to do today?”

I eyed him for a moment. “Let’s just hang out at your place for now,” I suggested. He didn’t look like he was up for much more than that. “We can ride our bikes later.”

“Sure, sure,” he said, yawning again.

Jacob’s house was vacant, and that felt strange. I realized I thought of Billy as a nearly permanent fixture there.

“Where’s your dad?”

“Over at the Clearwaters’. He’s been hanging out there a lot since Harry died. Sue gets lonely.”

Jacob sat down on the old couch that was no bigger than a loveseat and squished himself to the side to make room for me.

“Oh. That’s nice. Poor Sue.”

“Yeah… she’s having trouble…” He hesitated. “With her kids.”

“Sure, it’s got to be hard on Seth and Liam, losing their dad…”

“Uh-huh,” he agreed, lost in thought. He picked up the remote and flipped on the TV without seeming to think about it. He yawned.

“What’s with you, Jake? You’re like a zombie.”

“I got about two hours of sleep last night, and four the night before,” he told me. He stretched his long arms slowly, and I could hear the joints crack as he flexed. He settled his left arm along the back of the sofa behind me, and slumped back to rest his head against the wall. “I’m exhausted.”

“Why aren’t you sleeping?” I asked.

He made a face. “Sam’s being difficult. He doesn’t trust your vampires. I’ve been running double shifts for two weeks and nobody’s touched me yet, but he still doesn’t buy it. So I’m on my own for now.”

“Double shifts? Is this because you’re trying to watch out for me? Jake, that’s wrong! You need to sleep. I’ll be fine.”

“It’s no big deal.” His eyes were abruptly more alert. “Hey, did you ever find out who was in your room? Is there anything new?”

I ignored the second question. “No, we didn’t find anything out about my, um, visitor.”

“Then I’ll be around,” he said as his eyes slid closed.

“Jake…,” I sighed.

“Hey, it’s the least I can do—I offered eternal servitude, remember. I’m your slave for life.”

“I don’t want a slave.”

His eyes didn’t open. “What do you want, Beau?”

“I want my friend Jacob—and I don’t want him half-dead, hurting himself in some misguided attempt—“

He cut me off. “Look at it this way—I’m hoping I can track down a vampire I’m allowed to kill, okay?”

I didn’t answer. He looked at me then, peeking at my reaction.

“Kidding, babe.”

I stared at the TV.

“So, any special plans next week? You’re graduating. Wow. That’s big.” His voice turned flat, and his face, already draw, looked downright haggard as his eyes closed again—not in exhaustion this time, but in denial. I realized that graduation still had horrible significance for him, though I still hadn’t made any concrete decisions.

“No special plans,” I said carefully, hoping he would hear the reassurance in my words without a more difficult explanation. I didn’t want to get into it now. After all, he didn’t look up for any difficult conversations. “Well, I do have to go to a graduation party. Mine.” I made a disgusted sound. “Alice loves parties, and she’s invited the whole town to her place the night of. It’s going to be horrible.”

His eyes opened as I spoke, and a relieved smile made his face look less worn. “I didn’t get an invitation. I’m hurt,” he teased.

“Consider yourself invited. It’s supposedly my party, so I should be able to ask who I want.”

“Thanks,” he said sarcastically, his eyes slipping closed once more.

“I wish you would come,” I said without any hope. “It would be more fun. For me, I mean.”

“Sure, sure,” he mumbled. “That would be very… wise…” His voice trailed off.

A few seconds later, he was snoring.

Poor Jacob. I studied his dreaming face, and liked what I saw. While he slept, every trace of defensiveness and bitterness disappeared and suddenly he was the boy who had been my very best friend before all the werewolf and vampire nonsense had gotten in the way. He looked so much younger. He looked like my Jacob.

I nestled into the couch to wait out his nap, hoping he would sleep for a while and make up some of what he’d lost. I flipped through channels, but there wasn’t much on. I settled for a cooking show, trying to glean a few tips for Charlie’s dinners. Jacob continued to snore, getting louder. I chuckled to myself and tried to concentrate on the TV without turning it up.

I was strangely relaxed, almost sleepy, too. This house felt safer than my own, probably because no one had ever come here looking for me here. I curled up next to Jacob and thought about taking a nap myself. Maybe I would have, but Jacob’s snoring was impossible to tune out. So, instead of sleeping, I let my mind wander.

Finals were done, and most of them had been a cakewalk. Calculus, the one exception, was behind me, pass or fail. My high school education was over. And I didn’t really know how I felt about that. I couldn’t look at it objectively, tied up as it was with my life, as I currently knew it, being over.

Everything was up in the air. I imagined what my future must look like to Alice right now. Would she be able to see a future? Or would it be a shimmering sea of uncertainty? No decisions had been made, no future had been set. What decision would I make?

There was the future Edward hoped for me, and I mostly hoped for myself, of me going off to college and enjoying every human experience a person could ask for. Picking a major, changing my mind, changing it again, and then going on to a career, buying a house… all that. A human future, warm and mundane.

There was the possibility that the Volturi would come to see if Edward had made good on his promise to change me. Us on the run, frantic and in fear. Never settling down, never forming bonds with anyone but each other. A frantic, jumbled future.

Or else, there was another option. A decision I was constantly shying away from. A future that was cold as ice, and unchanging as stone. Becoming a vampire. Leaving everything—leaving everyone behind me.

And then, of course, there was one other matter. The matter of marriage. Edward wanted to marry me, and of course it was sweet and wonderful. But somehow I couldn’t imagine it. Something in me resisted it. I tried to imagine telling my parents that I was getting married this summer. Telling Angela and Ben and Mike and Jessica. I couldn’t. I couldn’t think of the words to say. Why was it so hard? Why was I so opposed to it? I didn’t know.

Then, for just a second, I saw a vision of Edward and me on a porch swing, his arm around me, and matching rings on our fingers. The future Edward had envisioned for us. It was a tempting future, sure. So why couldn’t I make the decision to choose it?

As I imagined that future, it began to fade in and out. I was still there, but I was no longer sitting on a porch swing. I was sitting on a piece of driftwood, on First Beach. It was no longer Edward sitting beside me, with his arm around me, but Jacob. Smiling the smile I knew and loved.

Jacob suddenly snorted and rolled to his side, snapping me out of my vision. His arm swung off the back of the couch and pinned me against his body.

Holy crow, but he was heavy! And hot. It was sweltering after just a few seconds.

I tried to slide out from under his arm without waking him, but I had to shove a little bit, and when his arm fell off me, his eyes snapped open. He jumped to his feet, looking around anxiously.

“What? What?” he asked, disoriented.

“It’s just me, Jake. I’m sorry I woke you.”

He turned to look at me, blinking and confused. “Beau?”

“Hey, sleepy.”

“Oh, man! Did I fall asleep? I’m sorry! How long was I out?”

“A few Emerils. I lost count.”

He flopped back on the couch next to me. “Wow. Sorry about that, really.”

I ran my fingers through his hair, trying to smooth the wild disarray. “Don’t feel bad. I’m glad you got some sleep.”

He yawned and stretched. “I’m useless these days. No wonder Billy’s always gone. I’m so boring.”

“You’re fine, Jake,” I assured him.

“Ugh, let’s go outside. I need to walk around or I’ll pass out again.”

“Jake, go back to sleep. I’m good. I’ll call Edward to come pick me up.” I patted my pockets as I spoke, and realized they were empty. “Shoot, I’ll have to borrow your phone. I think I must have left mine in his car.” I started to unfold myself.

“No!” Jacob insisted, taking my hand in his. “No, stay, please. You hardly ever make it down. I can’t believe I wasted all this time.”

He pulled me off the couch as he spoke, and then led the way outside, ducking his head as he passed under the doorframe. It had gotten much cooler while Jacob slept; the air was unseasonably cold—there must be a storm on the way. It felt like February, not May.

The wintry air seemed to make Jacob more alert. He paced back and forth in front of the house for a minute, dragging me along with him.

“I’m an idiot,” he muttered to himself.

“What’s the matter, Jake? So you fell asleep. You needed it!” I shrugged.

“I wanted to talk to you. I can’t believe this.”

“Talk to me now,” I said.

Jacob met my eyes for a second, and then looked away quickly toward the trees. It almost looked like he was blushing, but it was hard to tell with his dark skin.

I suddenly remembered what Edward had said when he dropped me off—that Jacob would tell me whatever he was shouting in his head. I started gnawing on my lip.

“Look,” Jacob said. “I was planning to do this a little differently.” He laughed, and it sounded like he was laughing at himself. “Smoother,” he added. “I was going to work up to it, but”—and he looked at the clouds, dimmer as the afternoon progressed—“I’m out of town to work.”

He laughed again, nervous. We were still pacing slowly.

“What are you talking about?” I demanded.

He took a deep breath. “I want to tell you something. And you already know it… but I think I should say it out loud anyway. Just so there’s never any confusion on the subject.”

I planted my feet, and he came to a stop. I took my hand away and folded my arms across my chest. I was suddenly very nervous to hear what he was building up to.

Jacob’s eyebrows pulled down, throwing his deep-set eyes into shadow. They were pitch black as they bored into mine.

“I’m in love with you, Beau,” Jacob said in a strong, sure voice. “Beau, I love you. And I want you to pick me instead of him. Maybe you don’t feel that way, but I need the truth out there so that you know your options. I wouldn’t want a miscommunication to stand in our way.”

#3.15 #Eclipse Revamped #The Twilight Saga #The Twilight Saga Revamped #Twilight #Gay Twilight #Jacob Black #Edward Cullen #Beau Swan

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