#also I don't know you I don't want you anywhere near my keys or my bag of my truck

[themarydragon]

Was procuring garden supplies with my mother the other day. Our plant-fueled euphoria was a budget bludgeoner but that is beyond the point. We decided we needed the alumnium hose reel, rather than the flimsy plastic one, so I handed off my purse - more appropriately called a shoulder bag, as it contains all the supplies necessary to meet the apocalypse headon - and reached for the box.

It was on the shelf which was already 4' or so off the ground, and they were stacked two tall, and the boxes were perhaps 2' to a side, so this is a heavy-ish box over my head. However, I am more of the bitch-who-fights-bears school of physical fitness rather than the skinny-chick-at-the-gym type, and this is an easy task for me.

Enter a magnificent specimen of Home Depot Lesbian. Phenomenal. Glorious, even. She dashes to my side, "can I help you get that?"

And here is my triumph. I, with my 40+ streaks of silver in my hair, in army-green cargo capris and a fitted black racerback tank top, turn around with the box over my head, slight flex to my arms, meet her eye and say, "Thanks! I got it, though."

Friends. She double-took as she walked away.

Do I dutifully report this exchange to my spouse when I come home? Of course. His response? Proffered fist bump, and the assertion, "Achievement unlocked. Still got game!"

[stark-ironman]

Something something something sugar daddy Hugh jackman because 😍😍

https://x.com/agathaharknssgf/status/1825671922245579244?s=46

Sugar Baby

A/N: Ughhhhhh the way I felt my insides get all tingly 😭if this is anywhere near good, let me know if I should do a part 2.

Warnings: Sugar Daddy/Sugar Baby, small daddy kink, legal age gap, punching, mentions of blood, jealous Hugh, mirror sex.

Your doorbell rings as you're putting on your final shoe, hearing Hugh call out for you as he opens the door. You smile at him as he kisses your cheek and checks you out, grabbing your hand and spinning you.

"You look fantastic, princess." Hugh tells you while digging in his pocket and pulls something out. "Turn around." It's a soft command but you know better than to try and ignore it. He places the most beautiful necklace around your neck, watching as you admire it in the mirror.

"There's no way I can wear this. It's worth more than my apartment, hell more than my car. I'll feel really bad if something happens to it." Your anxiety starts getting the best of you and he kisses you softly, making you stop talking.

"I want you to keep it. We had a deal, remember?" His smooth, Australian accent whispers in your ear, making your knees weak. "I always said I hated expensive gifts." You try to reason but he tsks, looking in the mirror at you.

"You're mine, princess. You go with me places as my eye candy and we fuck when we get back, in return, I shower you with gifts and whatever else your heart desires." He states, running a hand up your thigh. Your heart skips a beat as you look at the mirror, watching Hugh admire your body while running his fingers anywhere he can, electricity following his touch.

"I'm real tempted to bend you over in front of his mirror and let you see how your body reacts to my touch," His fingers graze over your heat causing your breath to hitch before he pulls away, "Too bad we have to leave so we're not late." You take a deep breath, accepting his hand and he leads you out of your apartment.

Once in the car, he places a hand on your thigh and rubs his thumb over it softly. "When we get here, don't leave my sight." Hugh states softly, glancing over at you before turning back to the road. You nod and look out the window, watching buildings and cars pass by quickly before finally pulling up to the party.

"We're just here to make an appearance and see a couple friends, after that I'll take you home." He says getting out of the car before helping you out, handing his keys to the valet and leading you inside. You grip his hand tightly as he leads you through the crowd, feeling your anxiety creep up at the fact you don't belong around these rich, snobby people but you also won't turn Hugh down over something like this party.

-

About two hours after showing up, you tell Hugh you need to go to the bathroom and he tells you where to go, kissing you softly as you walk away. You follow his directions and use the bathroom, making sure to wash your hands and clean up before heading back out.

"You're Hugh's girl, right?" A random man asks as he walks up to you. You nod and he continues, "What are you doing with a man like him? He's too old for someone as young as you." You think back to what Hugh told you in the very beginning of your relationship about staying quiet when you're out with him and just let him take care of it but it's becoming very hard to do.

The guy steps towards you, touching your face but you flinch and step back from him, swatting his hand away. "I would appreciate you not touching me. Especially when you know Hugh doesn't like when people touch me." You try to say without stuttering. "Hugh doesn't know how to please a woman like you and you have no business being with him, especially when you're basically a nobody." He says stepping towards you again but he's thrown back as soon as he does and Hugh has him by the collar, staring down at his face.

"Is there a fucking problem here?" Hugh snarls, his Australian accent deepening and it sends a shock through you. "Ask your whore instead o-" Hugh punches him before he can finish his sentence, blood falling quickly down his face. "Call her that again and next time you won't be so lucky." His hand grabs yours and he leads you out, walking to the car.

He starts driving, white knuckling the steering wheel as he speeds through the city, all the way to his apartment in silence. You both head inside, taking off your shoes in the doorway before walking to his bedroom and you head to the bathroom.

You take off your jewelry and wipe off the makeup, walking back into bedroom to see Hugh standing over by the window.

"What all did he say?" He finally asks in a low but firm voice. "Just that I didn't need to be with you and needed to be with someone who could treat me right then said I'm a nobody." You say feeling tears fill your eyes as you relive the moment.

Hugh nods, turning towards you, "Do you think that's true? About needing someone better?" You shake your head, sitting on the bed. "I want to be with you." You say. "What about when he said you're actually nobody?" Another question and you shrug, "It's true. I am a nobody."

He slips his jacket off, loosening up his tie as he walks towards you, placing a hand on your face in the same spot the guy touched you. "He touched what's mine," His fingers run over your skin, "Tried tainting my beautiful girl with his sick touch."

His hands grab your face as he leans down and kisses you with hunger. "Stand up." He commands softly. You stand and he slides your dress off, grabbing your hand and leads you back to the bathroom.

You furrow your brows in confusion as he leads you to the counter. "Bend over, princess. I'm going to show you that you're not just a nobody to me, you're going to see that you are my entire world." He emphasizes on the word you, feeling your thongs get soaked.

He bends you over and holds your face in the mirror, looking at you with lust-blown eyes that have you damn near begging for him to go ahead and fuck you. Hugh slides his belt off, pushing his slacks and briefs down enough to pull his dick out.

His hand wraps around his base, pressing and rubbing the tip in your folds as if teasing you, then he finally slides in softly causing you to moan at the stretch.

His hips hit yours as he bottoms out and he grips your hips tightly, moving at a slow pace. "Don't ever worry about what anybody thinks about you," He grunts while unbuttoning his shirt, "You will always be somebody to me," His eyes stay locked on yours with what he says next, "You're mine, babygirl. Nobody will ever be able to do what I do to you, will they?"

You whimper, "No, daddy. I'm all yours." He smirks, speeding his movements up as he hits your sweet spot.

The sound of moans and skin slapping fills the bathroom. You look up at Hugh again to see his mouth slightly open, head close to falling back from pleasure with his shirt unbuttoned and his tie barely hanging on, causing you to groan at the sight. This man will literally be the death of you with how fucking good he looks to you.

"There you go, babygirl, clench around my cock. Do you like watching what I'm doing?" He asks with a smirk when he sees your fucked out face. You nod, reaching your hand behind you to grab him but he grabs both of your wrists and pulls them behind your back, gripping them with one hand and places the other on your hip.

He starts fucking into you at a brutal pace, causing you to cum unexpectedly but it doesn't stop him, you honestly think it's made him more feral and he moans at the way your insides are clinching around him.

"I think you can do another one for me." Hugh growls as he pulls you up, your back against his chest, and he wraps an arm around you until his fingers are on your clit, rubbing the sensitive nub before thrusting back into you.

His other hand comes up around your throat, squeezing just enough to apply pressure.

"Daddy..." You moan, causing him to move his hand faster. "Ruin these pants, babygirl. I want them soaked by the time I'm done with you."

His words send you over the edge, feeling a gush shoot out between your legs and he moans loudly, twitching inside of you and slowly thrusting inside of you.

He pulls out slowly, holding you close to him.

"Still have doubts, princess?" Hugh asks and you chuckle. "Maybe a little. I might need to be shown again." He laughs and kisses your shoulder, leading you to the shower.

"Let's clean somewhat up and I'll show you exactly who you are to me."

[certifiedsexed]

You know what genital condition hurts worse than anything else I've ever experienced, and I'd never encountered at all before I developed one?

A Bartholin abscess. I feel like it's important for people to know about them; they're painful, debilitating, misunderstood, and often dismissed by non-specialist doctors as 'going away by themselves'. The gynecologist I saw with my most recent one said she treats 20+ of them a week, but nobody talks about them. There certainly weren't any clinic posters talking about them. Plenty about STIs and pap smears, but no Bartholin awareness.

I would encourage anyone who's factory plumbing came with a vagina, or who cares about someone with that plumbing, to put Safesearch or the search engine equivalent on (because the images that pop up are the worst case scenario, and also NSFW if you're at school/in the office) and look into Bartholin cysts and the abscesses that come from them. The wiki page is a good starting point.

If you notice a lump near the opening of your vagina, get medical help. Don't wait and see if it goes away. My first one I was so depressed that I just pretended it wasn't there, and it went from the size of a grain of rice to the size of a peach in under a week. Imagine something the size of a peach under the skin of your inner labia.

These abscesses do eventually rupture and drain, which stops them hurting somewhat though they still have to heal, but until then the sheer size and painfulness impedes walking, sitting, using the toilet, cleaning after using the toilet, and just about everything else. The pain I had was extraordinary and entirely debilitating, I can't understate that. It's an area with a lot of nerve endings and very good blood flow, you know?

The second one I had I started treatment with Flucloxacillin on day two and it didn't get anywhere near as big or as painful. It still hurt a little, got to about the size of a grape, and still popped after about ten days, but I was able to continue working and mostly get along as normal.

I've been told that once you've had one they're likely to come back unless you get medical intervention so it really is key to not ignore them.

Sorry to be hijacking, I know this isn't entirely about sex ed as such, but like... I went to a school in a liberal area with fairly comprehensive sex ed which included frank and open discussions around health and diseases, and I've been around on the internet for a decade since as well, and had never heard of these until I developed one. I'm still recovering from the most recent episode, and really do not want anyone else to sprout one of these and have no idea what's happening or be dismissed by a doctor and not have the knowledge to advocate for themselves.

I don't think this is hijacking at all. I think this' great information to share, thank you! [This is an article about Bartholin cysts/abscesses, for anyone interested.]

[mystellenia]

giving ellie a hoodie full of kisses ୨ৎ

summary: you paint a hoodie with kisses for ellie, and the gesture flusters her.

content: nothing much, just ellie being shy

notes: answer to this req!! i'm trying a new format of posts. sometimes i see people do not quite hcs but also not quite a normal, paragraph-formatted fic. its this in between of bullet points????? idk lemme know if yall like it

(wc 0.6 k)

after spending an hour on painting your lips and pressing them to the cloth of the hoodie you'd gotten for ellie, you sat back and examined your work

you had to admit: the hoodie looked beautiful. but! you did not!!!! your lips were stained red from the paint, your back hurt from hunching over to kiss the hoodie, and you'd probably ingested about an ounce of red40!!! (i know red 40 is in food but let me be silly)

after washing the paint that had gotten on your skin off in the sink, you ironed the sweatshirt to seal the paint in (don't ask me how that works bc idk i just saw it on tiktok like 10 mins ago)

and now we wait for ellie to come home!!

when she finally comes in, she throws her keys on the table near the door and toes her dusty, disintegrating, been-to-bethlehem-and-back converse, bc have you seen them. one day she's gonna take a step and they're gonna turn into a cloud of dust i swear

anyway you're sitting on the couch with your phone in your lap, the painted sweatshirt folded into a square with the kisses hidden inside. she walks towards you and gives you a lil kissy kiss on the forehead like hiiii

you get all smiley because you're excited for her to see the sweatshirt and she gets all suspish.... like what's so funny....

sooooooo.... you tell her you made her something and unfold the hoodie and hold it up to your body so she can see the full thing. and she would soooo get all beet red, like, "...you made this for me?"

and you're like "yes of course do you like it queen" then she gets over the like flusteredness (????(actually i revoke my ???? bc i just made that a word)) and gets so happi like yayyy!!!!

then she looks all confused at your lips and is like "is that why your lips look so severely chapped and red?"

and you get mad so you take away kiss privileges so she does the only reasonable thing which is putting you in a headlock to force kiss you

would definitely immediately put it on and go look in the mirror at her with it on. she'll start geeking and thank you and all that jazz

she would wear that shit 24/7. sleeping working showering shitting ANYWHERE best believe she has that hoodie on. and you tell her its been like 2 weeks of her wearing it nonstop so she needs to wash it but she refuses bc she doesn't want the kisses to start fading. u wash it anyway bc its dirty and she cold shoulders you for about 30 mins before she sees some dumb reel she just has to show you (me fr).

i feel like she's a hot sleeper--like she gets too hot at night to wear the hoodie but she still wants it so she'll just hold it as a baby blanket of sorts and Whatnot.

wait very unrelated but does anyone have a baby blanket that they've had for so long its like basically just threads thats so funny

but overall she loves it. she likes to kiss the kiss prints you made on the sweatshirt bc it's "like kissing you."

there was one time she couldn't find it for like 2 days (because you'd washed it since she never does) and she tried to act all nonchalant and unaffected like she wasn't about to start tweaking and like twitching

then you gave it to her all calm because it was literally just in the wash and she was like "what😨😨😨 where did you find it😨😨😨" and you just tell her it was in the wash and shes like "oh that makes sense"

pls im so sorry. before i say anything i would like to formally apologize to the anon who submitted the ask for this bc this is so shit. you ask me for a product and this is how i repay you!! shame on me. please dilly dally on over to my asks and ask me something else so i can actually, i don't know, do a good job!! this ask was cute tho u ate with that

@picklesarenice69

wow i very strongly dislike this format so much this is the first and last time i will be doing this!!! i’m only posting this bc its been like a week since i last posted and the citizens will soon revolt, which the city's defenses cannot afford!! we're about to run out of wheat like times are getting tough. maybe i should just try just headcanons 🤔

can you tell i was fighting demons to not make this my normal vocab and format. like just look at this sentence and how it progresses: "when she finally comes in, she throws her keys on the table near the door and toes her dusty, disintegrating, been-to-bethlehem-and-back converse, bc have you seen them." the way that sentence progresses is just the silly demons taking over and also my coping mechanism for grimacing at how much i didnt mesh with this format

like i just couldnt take myself seriously. "yes of course do you like it queen" HELLO??? WHY DID I TYPE THAT but i will not be fixing and/or deleting it bc its making me giggle

dont get me wrong some of you ladies chew it up but i am made for unreasonably long and time consuming fics!!! i’m getting heated too bc not only is this so short and quick to do but it also takes less focus and brain power and ofc i had to make things hard for myself and hate it!!! i’m soooooooooooo silly

click here!! oh and here too!! ˶ᵔᵕᵔ˶

---

edit: wait i would like to clarify that i just hate this because perhaps i’m not used to it. if you guys like this maybe i'll do more bc i follow the clout always 💯

[wondersinwaynemanor]

you think the Wayne kids would try to get Bruce's attention all at once? one look among each other, they already know the plan and they want to be competitive about it.

like for an instance:

Bruce, in his study at the Manor, answering work emails when he hears the heavy footsteps of his children and loud voices from outside the door. he holds a breath, readying himself.

Damian, his sketchpad on his hand, opens the door: Father, no matter what they say, stay completely still. I'll work on a portrait of you.

Bruce, blinks, before offering a smile: Of course, son. Let me finish this email then I will-

before Damian can close the door, Jason barges in with a few car keys on his hands, almost hitting Damian in the process.

Damian, growls: Careless Imbecile.

Jason, grins and ruffles Damian's hair: Well, it's nice to know you love me, Dami.

Damian attempts to push Jason away from the table, but to no avail. Damian tts.

Jason, approaches the table with ease, lifting the sets of car keys: Hey, old man. I was thinking of going out tonight. What car should I take?

Damian: Don't let him, Father. He's a careless, clumsy, fowl excuse of a human being.

Jason tries to pinch Damian's cheeks before the younger boy moves away.

Bruce, blinks, before studying the keys: Anything, Jaylad. You're free to drive-

then Steph enters with a bag of chips on both of her hands, 3D glasses covering her eyes.

Steph, grins widely: Heya, B! Me and Cass are planning to watch Jurassic Park in the family room. Want to join us?

Cass also enters the room, 3D glasses perched on her nose, a gentle smile on her face.

Jason: So the others aren't invited, huh?

Bruce, blinks and smiles at the two girls: Surely after dinner, okay? Let's make it a family movie night. But first, I have to finish-

Damian, approaches Bruce's side: But Father, you already agreed that I will make a portrait of you.

Damian then looks at Steph and Cass: Traitors!

Steph, just grins even more: It might be too scary for you, Dami.

Damian, whines: I've seen it a couple of times!

Dick, enters the room next, smug smile on his face: You all better be talking about my charming personality.

Jason, rolls his eyes: Actually the exact opposite. We're talking about how annoying you are, Dickface.

Dick wraps an arm on Jason's shoulder, trapping him for a side hug: Awww Little Wing, you flatter me.

Jason pushes him away.

Steph and Cass giggle at the side of the room.

Dick, walks over to where Damian is, bringing him close to him as he faces Bruce: B, I need your help with a plan for the Titans' mission. I'm kind of doubtful about it.

Bruce, blinks and nods at his eldest: Sure, chum. I'll be down at the cave-

Cass, goes near Bruce this time, holding him by the arm: No, you said we watch.

Bruce, touches Cass' hand: Yes, sweetheart. Don't worry, all of us will watch, okay?

Damian, groans: That film can wait tomorrow night.

Steph: It has to be tonight.

Jason: I have plans with Roy tomorrow night.

Dick: I think I'll be off world tomorrow.

Duke, enters the room, a bright smile on his face: Hey, everyone. Hi Bruce, want to check out these new puzzle boards I got? Seems like you need a break.

everyone replies with something.

Bruce, pinches the bridge of his nose: Will everyone please not talk at once? Better yet, will everyone give me some peace first? I need to plan the rest of my day so I can be with each of you.

Tim is the last to enter the room, wearing a suit: B, I need you to come with me to Luthor's meeting. He's planning something and I need you to help me figure it out.

the rest of the Wayne kids erupt with different conversations.

Damian: I was here first. The rest of you can just go on with your lives without Father.

Jason: B, just tell me which car I should drive and I'll be off your shoulders.

Steph: You're not going anywhere after dinner, Bruce. We're watching the movie with and without the rest.

Cass: You already agreed.

Dick: So we're just going to ignore that I need help? This is an important mission. The world can be at stake here.

Duke: Well, I'm at stake here. Plus, Bruce needs to rest.

Tim: So we're just going to let Luthor do whatever he's about to do. We're better than this.

Bruce, stands up from his chair: Okay, okay. Everyone, just give me a few minutes and I'll let you know what happens next. Please, just... Please.

everyone grumbles under their breaths and leave the room.

Dick, speaks by the time they are away from the study: Is the bet still on?

Steph: I think I'm winning cus Cass is B's favorite and I agreed with her on the movie.

Jason: It's probably baby bat.

Tim: My money's on Duke.

[weirdsht]

Disillusioned 4 . Musings

a/n: double update in celebration of something I can't say out loud <333

tags: Hidden Injuries, Observant On

English isn’t my first language so there will be grammatical errors

Pls don't repost my work anywhere without my permission

Constructive criticisms and any kind of interaction are more than welcome

Requests are open and welcome

Buy Me Dessert

Navigation Masterlist prev . next

“You look anxious what’s the matter?”

“Cale-sunbae, the two hooded people over there are elves. I fear that Raon-nim might get discovered.”

They are currently in an inn near the Ten Finger Mountains.

Cale could immediately tell that this trip was gonna be a headache. Why else would elves go down to where humans are if it doesn’t entail a headache?

“Ignore them, act as if you don’t notice them or their gaze.”

Ignoring the elves and making Raon spin in a circle seems to work somehow. Well, he got confronted by the elf but they left him alone for the most part even if they acted weird.

The Henituse’s eldest son just hoped that would be the case until he got the Fire of Destruction and got out of this place.

Safe to say that future Cale is definitely going to curse his past self for jinxing it…

Meanwhile, while Raon and Cale were busy obtaining the ancient power, _____ was left with the rest of the group in the inn.

With nothing else to do, Mary and _____ are just enjoying their time sightseeing while casually chatting.

“This is my first time seeing such scenery. I’m thankful to the young master-nim.”

Mary’s voice may sound like a GPS but _____ could tell that they were grateful to Cale Henitue. How could they not when they feel the same way?

“What about you _____-nim? Do you love nature too? Maybe you’ve been to even more places with beautiful views.”

The question made the healer look far away as if reminiscing something. For a moment Mary thought they were looking back at all the places they'd been to. However, the sadness in their eyes told her otherwise.

“Hmm, well not really Mary-nim. You and I are more similar than you think. I know it's weird considering that I’ve been living above ground compared to you. But this is also the first time I have been allowed to appreciate such sights.”

The necromancer wanted to ask questions but did not after seeing such a serene expression on the healer’s face. The previous sadness in their eyes has been replaced by something Mary can only describe as contentment.

They chatted for a few more minutes before the kittens called _____ so they could play.

While playing, Cale came back and announced the change in their plans. They are now going to help the elves because they are being attacked by Arm.

_____ never had another encounter with Arm after the plaza incident but knows the details as to what they’ve done. They understand to an extent just how horrible of an organization they are.

Everything went smoothly for the most part. Well except for the part where Cale bled and fainted but _____ could tell that the man was fine thanks to his ancient power.

They just felt sorry that they couldn't do anything about his hunger.

_____ did their best to aid the young master’s regeneration powers to speed up his healing powers. However, they could do nothing about the consequences of using such volatile power.

Nonetheless, even if _____ knew about Cale's condition, others did not. And unfortunately, the healer couldn’t say otherwise. 

It was because they figured that it would be more beneficial for Cale if the elves thought that he made a great sacrifice to help them. That was why the healer opted to keep their mouth shut.

That and the healer were low-key scared at how vicious the group looked.

_____ was aware that the group was a bit vicious, they were all experts after all. But seeing it firsthand really intimidated them.

So to not show their feelings, the healer opted to help the injured elves recover. Something they did because of their sense of responsibility as a healer, definitely not because they have people-pleasing tendencies.

Naturally, their number one patient was the young master. _____ always makes sure that Cale is fine first before leaving to aid others. 

The healer was mostly alone in this endeavor for the others opted to stay but Cale’s side. To which _____ completely understands. Still, On always check in on them. Something that _____ found cute and endearing so they made sure to always assure the silver kitten that they aren’t overdoing it.

For that reason, on the one day _____ could tell the wounds of the people they were healing were catching up to them they still made sure to assure the child. Act as if nothing was amiss. That morning they tended to Cale as usual before excusing themself to go rest, reasoning that they felt more lethargic than usual.

It wasn't just for the sake of appeasing the child. It was also because Cale was already unconscious. It'll be too much of a liability if another one becomes sick.

What _____ failed to consider is the fact that On was super observant.

The others may not have noticed it as their attention was on Cale, but On noticed how the healer’s hands seemed to be shaking a bit when they checked on Cale. Or how they had to hold on to a wall to stop themself from limping.

On noticed it all.

A few minutes after _____ excused themself, the kitten told the group she was going on a stroll. 

It’s not like On lied, she just didn’t say that the destination of her stroll would be _____’s room.

When On arrives inside the room the first they see is an unconscious _____. At a distance, it looks like they were just sleeping. However, upon closer inspection On could see how they were struggling to breathe. The poor healer was almost wheezing.

On might not admit to it later but the sight scared her.

It reminded her too much of when they were on the run from the Cat Tribe.

During one of the days they were trying to escape, her brother became sick. They had nothing on them except for the few things they managed to snag before running away and the clothes on their back.

They certainly did not have the resources to cure Hong.

Luckily the red kitten managed to get past it. But still, that experience left a scar on his older sister.

And right now On felt as though she was relieving that experience but this time with _____.

“_____? _____?”

Even after the kitten lightly shook them they still wouldn’t wake up. So she opted for the next best thing, which was lifting their sleeves.

Underneath their pristine white sleeve was a bandage tainted with blood.

The sight shocks On. The wounds didn’t look too bad as only little blood seeped through the bandage. Nonetheless, the mere fact that _____ is wounded was shocking.

Because On could tell that it was most likely a side effect of their healing abilities.

There was no way they got injured. Everyone made sure that the healer was far away from fighting and made them focus on support.

Another possibility is them being bullied by the elves.

However, why would the elves do that to one of their benefactors? It just doesn't make sense.

So the only possibility left in On’s mind was _____’s mysterious healing powers.

“I am so gonna tattle to Cale when he wakes up.”

On pawed _____’s face for a bit before helping them get more comfortable. She essentially played nurse. Cleaning their wounds, changing the bandage, and ensuring they don't develop a fever.

She did all that while trying not to cry.

Not that anyone would know as she has no plans of telling anyone until her guardian wakes up.

[absurdthirst]

Unexpectedly Reunited {Joel Miller x F!Reader}

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 15.5k

Warnings: No Outbreak AU, cheating, infidelity, surprise reunions, flirting, mentions of loss of a child, seemingly unrequited love, past crushes, abandonment, fingering, vaginal sex, rougher sex, oral sex (female and male receiving), cum eating, feelings, miscommunication, angst, degrading comments

Comments: Running away to the Cape, you find someone you had never expected to see again. Joel Miller. The blast from the past manages to heal your broken heart and you learn where life has taken him to bring him here.

Co-written with @storiesofthefandomlovers

**Follow @absurdthirst-writes and turn on notifications to stay up to date on all new fics.

|| MasterList || Joel Miller MasterList ||

Click Keep Reading only if you have read the Rating and Warnings and understand the warnings may not be complete to avoid listing spoilers. As AO3 says 'creator chooses not to use warnings'. You also agree that you're the right age to be consuming anything here.

"You motherfucker!" You yell at your boyfriend who is currently buried inside of the co-worker he told you to not worry about despite you discovering him in your bed after you decided to surprise him with lunch since he works at home. He scrambles, pulling out of Sienna and you shake your head, "it's over. Get your shit out of my apartment. Today." You shriek and he covers himself up with the blanket you got from your mom for your birthday. 

"Baby please. Let me just-" He tries to explain but you cut him off. 

"Today, Jason. Today!" You yell, spinning on your heel and you rush out of your apartment with tears in your eyes. You sob as you get into your car, the lunch abandoned in the kitchen and you're no longer hungry. You sit there for hours, watching from afar as Jason moves his stuff from your place and you call your mom to tell her what happened. 

"I always told you he was a piece of shit, baby. He's an asshole. You're better off without him. Better to find this out now instead of later." She says softly. "Your aunt has that place on the Cape and she's in Italy for the next two weeks. Why don't you go there? Go relax and get out of town. Take time to get yourself together." She suggests.

The Cape, the idea has a certain appeal. Texas is currently hot, too hot, and you don’t want to be anywhere near your old group of friends and acquaintances. People that know Jason. People that might pity you, or secretly approve of him cheating on you. You imagine walking along the beach and letting the salty air seep into your skin. Maybe read a few books in a lounger and find some bar where you can just have a few drinks. Or, the house is nice, maybe you will just sit out on the deck and drink wine. “I guess. If I leave now, I could be there late tomorrow. Are you sure she won’t mind?” 

Your mom snorts through the line and you can imagine her face. “Of course not. Get your bag packed and get on the road. The key is in a little box on the garage door. Combination to open it is 9-26-13.” 

You sigh, watching as Jason closes the truck of the car with the last of his stuff. “Thanks mom, I’ll be on the road in twenty minutes. I don’t want to spend a night in that bed. I’m going to have to order another one.” 

When you arrive at your aunt’s house; you are exhausted and waste no time showering and getting into bed. The emotional drain of the past 36 hours is too much and you take a nap. When you wake up, it’s late and you have some of the snacks you brought with you while on the road. You’ll go food shopping tomorrow. You eventually fall back asleep, eager to explore tomorrow which comes far too soon when you’re woken up by drilling. You startle awake, checking the clock to see it’s 7:30 am and you whine, rubbing your eyes as you shuffle out of the bed, ready to reprimand the asshole who is drilling next door.

“Goddamn header.” Joel grunts out a curse, taking his hand off the hammer drill he had been using to wipe the sweat that is rolling into his eyes. “Send me some fuckin’ lumber that’s straight and I’ll fix the goddamn thing.” High up on the scaffolding, he’s cursing everyone from the lumber distributor to himself for taking this job. It’s been a shit show and it doesn’t seem like anything is going to go his way today.

You wrap your robe around yourself and huff as you stomp outside, raising your hand to cover your eyes from the early morning sun as you look up at the scaffolding. “Excuse me!” You yell and Joel continues drilling. “Excuse me!” You yell again and the drilling continues. “Fuck me!” You scream and the drilling stops. 

“That’s a mighty nice offer darlin’ but I barely know you.” Joel jokes as he removes his headset. 

“Why the hell are you drilling at this time in the morning?” You yell at him and he sets the drill down so he can climb down the scaffolding to talk to you. You wait, tapping your foot impatiently. 

“I was hired to do this job. I have a permit. I am starting early to avoid the rain this afternoon. Not that I have to explain myself to - wait…do I know you?” Joel asks, frowning as he removes his sunglasses to get a better look at you.

When it dawns on him who you are, his eyes widen and he murmurs your name. Never expecting to see you again. “Holy shit. What are you doing on the east coast?” He asks when he can speak again. The last time he had seen you was at his wedding. After that day, you had just….ghosted him, making him feel like your friendship had meant nothing.

As soon as he says your name you recognize him. “Joel? Joel Miller?” You gasp in shock. It’s been a while since you’ve seen the man that was your teenage crush. He was your next door neighbor and a lot older than you but you always had such a massive crush on him. You became friends after you got back from college to live with your parents again and that’s when you truly fell in love with him. Then he met Helen and you knew he would never feel the same way. Resigned to being his friend, you supported him but always secretly hoped he’d realize what was right in front of him. He didn’t and you ended up leaving town after watching him marry Helen on a beautiful summer day. He’s just as handsome. Shit, just as sexy. “I- this is my aunt’s house. You know the one who is a journalist.” You explain, “I- I came here to escape the Texas heat.” You lie, “what the hell are you doing here?” You ask, genuinely curious how a typical Texan like Joel is in the northeast.

Joel’s expression shutters, his eyes flattening slightly and he grunts. “Work.” He lies, having sensed you are lying too. You have puffy eyes, like you’ve been spending a lot of time crying, though you’re still just as beautiful as the last time he saw you. “Like I’m tryin’ to do now. But it’s a bitch and-“ he twists his neck towards the dark clouds rolling in from the west. “I want to get this sealed up before the rain starts.”

You nod, “I understand. Sorry for yelling. I just got in last night from Texas and I’m exhausted from driving nonstop. I didn’t expect the work to be done so early. I’m awake now, so carry on. I’m gonna get some coffee. Anywhere local you’d recommend?” You ask when his eyes meet yours once more and you are taken back by how handsome he is. Your memories did him no justice.

He feels bad for being rude, sighing slightly and wiping his forehead again. “Two blocks over there’s a dinner called The Fungus Among Us.” He tells you with a grin. “Vegan place, really into mushrooms, but they have great coffee. You just have to use their non-dairy creamers.”

The last person you expected to frequent a vegan cafe is Joel who used to enjoy platefuls of barbecue at the family cookouts back when you were younger and you chuckle, “you gone vegan on me?” You ask and he shakes his head, “no. Still love some ribs but I can appreciate good coffee.” You hum and he shrugs. “I’m gonna go get changed. You want me to bring you a coffee back?” You offer, wanting to make up for being rude.m

“I’m good.” He looks up towards the sky again. “Too fuckin’ hot for coffee up here.” He looks back down and smirks slightly. “Hurry up before you get wet. New England summer showers are no joke.”

You nod, “I’ll be fast. I, uh, I’ll see you around. It was great to see you again.” You wave awkwardly at him as he flips his sunglasses back down. You aren’t sure if he’s married or has kids or what his situation is so you don’t want to overstep by suggesting a reunion of some kind. 

“See you around, sweetheart.” Joel says and you offer him a smile, “bye Joel.” You say as you head back into your aunts house to get ready.

He won’t deny that he watches you when you re-emerge from the large cottage next door, or as you walk down the street. His eyes follow you as he takes what he tells himself is a five minute break. He was rude to you. And the Joel you had known wouldn’t have done that. He sighs, twisting around and trying to pop his aching back before he glances at the cloud again. They are rolling in fast and he only has about twenty minutes to finish up for the day. “Shit, Miller, get to work.”

You return back with your coffee - a good recommendation from Joel - and you’re disappointed when you don’t see him working. You feel the droplets of rain and decide to have your coffee then go grocery shopping after the rain has come and gone.

****

The drilling happens a little later around 8:45am the next morning and you look out of the bathroom window to see Joel working on the house. He lifts his shirt up to wipe his face and you can’t deny that your jaw drops. He’s still as sexy as you ever thought he was but then you remind yourself that he’s married and you shake your head to clear your lust. You decide to walk to the coffee shop again and head outside just as Joel jumps from the last section of scaffolding. “Sure I can’t get you a coffee?” You ask him, “I’m gonna head over there now.”

“I think I owe you a drink, since I was kind of an ass yesterday.” Joel admits, shuffling slightly and wiping his hands on a work rag before tossing it down. “I’ve got a few minutes, can walk over there with you, if you want?” He leaves it up to you, knowing that you might not want to do anything more than be nice.

You offer him a smile, “I’d like that.” You say and he nods, grabbing his keys and he yells out to his partner to keep an eye on things. You walk along with him and you’re quiet for a minute or so before you ask “so how long have you lived here?”

It takes Joel a moment to think back and he sighs. “Fuck.” He snorts. “Nearly ten years? Hard to think about but I’ve not even seen you in nearly twenty-five.” He wants to ask why you just stopped talking to him and coming around after he had married Helen. He hadn’t even been able to tell you that she had been a few months pregnant because his wife had wanted to keep it silent until after the first trimester. 

"Has it really been that long?" You shake your head, "I- wow. It feels like yesterday you were just getting married. Is Helen enjoying it here?" You ask, not noticing his lack of wedding band but you haven't really had a chance to look at his hands.

Joel snorts. “Helen left me when-” He breaks off and there’s that familiar ache in his chest at the thought of Sarah. “A year after we got married. Don’t know where she’s at, don’t really care, if I’m honest.” She had abandoned her child, something that he could never understand or accept. “What about you? Sure you’re married and happy, husband on a business trip and you decided to take a vacation?” 

It’s your turn to snort, “no. No. I, uh, I haven’t been married. I - I walked in on my boyfriend fucking his coworker in my apartment so I told him to pack his shit and be gone by the time I get back. Decided to take a break to avoid the pity looks and whispers around town.” You confess, glancing down the street as you adjust your purse on your shoulder.

“Wow. You must have been with a real douche bag.” Joel scoffs. “I can’t believe anyone would be stupid enough to cheat on you. There’s no fucking way he’s right in the head.” He shakes his head and huffs. “Idiot. I’m sorry, I know you don’t want to hear that. But that bastard didn’t deserve you.”  

You offer him a self deprecating smile. “I appreciate you being pissed for me. I pretty much cried the entire way to the Cape. I- I thought he was gonna propose. I’m an idiot. I believed all his lies and I- I thought he was going to be the one.” You shake your head at your own stupidity. “Well, at least someone to spend the rest of my life with.”

“You’ll find someone better.” He predicts. “Someone who cheats on you isn’t worth your time. Or your tears.” Joel looks over at you and gives you a small smile. “Maybe you’ll find one of those romance story type guys here on the Cape.” 

You chuckle, “who is already married or has more skeletons in his closet than a haunted house. I think I’ll accept the reality that I’m destined to be alone and I think I’m okay with that. It’s not too bad. Getting to do whatever you want without answering to anyone. Romance is - it’s just something they sell to give people hope.” You confess with a sigh, “I’ll stick to reading about it in novels.” You chuckle softly and turn into the coffee shop, about to open the door but Joel does a little jog to open it before you can. “Don’t lose hope. You never know who’s gonna appear.” He says and you bite your lip as you brush past him, knowing he’s the man you’ve always envisioned when you read those romance novels.

The inside of the cafe is trendy, quirky. It seems like a place where Joel would look completely out of place with his buttoned up shirt and jeans, heavy boots. No one has given him shit about it and been friendly, even though he stays away from a lot of their menu. “Have you tried the muffins? They are pretty good.” 

You shake your head, “no. I had the chia pudding the other day.” You giggle when he wrinkles his nose. “The blueberry muffin sounds good.” You hum, crossing your arms, “and a latte. You seem like a black coffee kind of guy.”

“Only way to drink coffee.” Joel agrees with a smirk. He guides you to a table and pulls out a chair for you. “I know you probably like all those syrups and half pump venti shits.” He rolls his eyes, although he likes the way you sound when you snicker. 

“I’m a vanilla girl.” You reveal and Joel raises his eyebrows playfully. “For my coffee order.” You clarify with a smirk and he walks over to the counter to order your drinks and he returns with a blueberry muffin for you. “You didn’t have to pay.” You shake your head and he shrugs, “to make up for the early morning wake up calls.” He explains and You offer him a soft smile, reaching out to touch his hand, “thank you. I- I’ve missed you, you know?”

“You missed me so much you just….disappeared?” Joel asks, wanting to know why. “I tried calling you a couple of times. Wanted you to come out with me and Helen to dinner. You just didn’t ever call me back.” 

You sigh, withdrawing your hand. “I…it was complicated.” You glance around the coffee shop, feeling his eyes burn into you. “I couldn’t stay after you…I had to get out of town and figure out what I wanted. I’m sorry I disappeared but it was for the best. You had a new life…a wife. You didn’t need me hanging around.”

It’s not an answer that satisfies him, but from the set of your jaw, you won’t give him a proper explanation. “I- you missed a lot, obviously. I had wanted to tell you that Helen was pregnant. We weren’t announcing it before the ceremony.”

You swallow harshly, not realizing that he’s a father. “Did Helen…you have a - wow. That’s - I didn’t know. No one told me - my parents didn’t tell me anything. I asked them not to.” You finish with a murmur, shifting to sit back and look at Joel just as they call his name to get the coffees.

Joel stands up, happy to go get the drinks and muffins so he doesn’t have to show how that idea upsets him. Why does he care after twenty-five years? He shouldn’t. Bringing the tray over to the table, he sets it down and doles out the items quietly.

You bite your lip as you look at him, he’s broader than ever. He was gorgeous when he was younger and he’s still gorgeous with the grays scattered in his hair. “Is your kid in the Cape or elsewhere?” You ask him, wanting to change the subject.

Joel frowns slightly, looking down at his coffee. “No.” He tells you. “She- she died. Twelve years ago. It’s why I moved here. I couldn’t live in Texas anymore.”

Your brow furrows as you gasp softly. “Oh. Oh Joel. I’m so sorry. I- shit. Me and my big mouth. I’m so sorry. Oh God. That - that’s terrible.” You choke, squeezing the coffee cup in your hand as you see the devastation in his eyes.

“It was a long time ago.” The wound is still fresh and if it were anyone else, he wouldn’t even bring it up. But you had never met Sarah, you didn’t know how wonderful she was.

“I’m sorry Joel. I know that doesn’t mean shit when you endure that kind of pain but…I really am sorry.” You say and reach out to squeeze his hand again. “I understand why you left to come here.” You tell him and his dark eyes meet yours, clouded over with the pain of losing a child. “Do you…do you maybe want to come over for dinner sometime? Catch up properly? I meant what I said. I’ve missed you.”

His immediate response is to tell you no. That it wasn’t necessary, but he can’t get the words out. “Sure.” He figures it’s a nicety. That you are saying that and then you’ll politely avoid him.

You sip your coffee as he goes quiet. Joel was never one for small talk. “So have you got a wife or girlfriend here?” You ask after a few moments, wondering if that’s why he was hesitant to accept an offer to catch up over dinner.

“No, nothing like that.” He shakes his head, frowning slightly when he remembers Tess. He should have been better to her, but he ran out of time. “Not anymore,” he adds, looking back down at his cup. “So how long are you here?”

"Two weeks. Figured that was enough time for the dust to settle and for that asshole to get his shit out of my apartment." You sigh, looking down at the table before you flick your eyes up to meet his. "I really am sorry we lost touch. All I can say is it's complicated and too much time has passed to dig into it all again."

“Yeah.” Joel just shrugs. “It’s in the past.” He knows he’s changed a lot from the man you used to know. He’s harder, his heart is cold and most times people are wary of him. “People change, move on, whatever.”

You frown at his pessimism and you know he’s changed but he always used to be so playful and fun. Life has been hard for both of you, especially Joel. You finish your muffin and soon you’re walking back to your aunt’s house. “You wanna come for dinner tomorrow?” You offer, not wanting to end this interaction on a spur note.

“Sure.” He finds himself agreeing, not minding your company and he would love a meal he didn’t cook for himself. Or Ellie cooked. “Oh- uh, I should have told you. Can someone come with me?” He asks, not sure if you’d want a kid around.

You are surprised but don't ask who, wondering if he has a friend or something. "Uh, sure. Yeah. That's fine. Any allergies or things they don't like?" You ask, wanting to be sure before you plan what you want to cook.

“Nahhhh.” Joel snorts, shaking his head at the crazy things that Ellie has eaten. “She’ll eat anything. Nearly indestructible stomach, I swear.”

You are curious, barely able to swallow down the inquiries but you manage and offer him a smile, "sounds good. Wanna say seven?" You ask and he nods. You stand on your aunt's driveway and Joel rubs the back of his neck. "I'll see you tomorrow." He says and you rock on your heels, crossing your arms. "See you tomorrow, Joel." You smile and watch for a second as he spins on his heel and makes his way back to the neighbor's house.

****

“So whoooo are we having dinner with?” Joel rolls his eyes and ramps down the urge to bite back with something sarcastic. That would only make the girl more curious about who you are. 

“She’s an old friend.” Joel explains, “she’s in town and I thought I might be good to not have to put up with your shit cooking for a night.” He reaches over and pulls on her ponytail, grinning when she scowls and slaps his hand away. 

“Hey man, not my fault your cooking tastes like shit. You taught me.”

You wipe down your apron as you watch the water boil for the pasta. The doorbell rings and you take the apron off, making your way over to the door to open it to greet Joel and his mystery guest. You had purposefully avoided looking out of the windows this morning when Joel was working. You are shocked when you see a teenager with Joel, having convinced yourself it was another woman and he was trying to hint at it but you didn't pick it up.

“Woah. She’s a babe!” Ellie’s eyes widen and she sends Joel a smirk. “No wonder you didn’t talk about her. You gotta date, old man? Why the hell are you bringing me with you?” 

Joel rolls his eyes and reaches up to smack the back of Ellie’s head. “Behave.” He warns her before apologizing to you. “Sorry. She’s feral. Not a goddamn manner in her body.”

You fluster at the girl's compliment and you look at Joel with a chuckle, "don't worry. I've had worse with my cousins and their kids." You promise and step aside so that he and the kid can enter. You tell her your name as she walks past you and she offers you a grin and tells you her name is Ellie. "Hope you like chicken parm." You hum as you shut the door behind you.

“I love anything that he didn’t cook.” She hooks her thumb over at Joel and smirks. “He thinks heating Chef Boy-r-dee is a good meal.” She tells you, knowing that Joel is shuffling in embarrassment and not caring a lick. She likes to bust his balls.

You chuckle, remembering how hopeless Joel was in the kitchen. He even called you up one night to ask you to rescue the meal he was trying to cook Helen for a date night. It had been hard to help but you would’ve done anything for him back then. Still would if you’re honest. You ask Ellie what she wants to drink when they enter the open plan kitchen. “Damnnn. This is a nice place you got here.” Ellie says and you shake your head, “it’s my aunt’s. I live in Texas.” You explain and Ellie glances at Joel. 

“Texas, huh?” She says, raising her eyebrows and Joel ignores her. 

“Yeah. Joel and I used to be neighbors.” You explain a little more.

“So you can tell me what he used to be like?” She asks conspiratorially. “Before he became so boring.”

You lean in conspiratorially towards Ellie. “He’s always been boring.” You whisper playfully and Joel rolls his eyes. 

Ellie nods, “makes sense.” You chuckle and Joel huffs, biting his lip to smother his smirk. 

“Joel has always been a good guy. Grumpy, but he has always done the right thing.” You say, “and he tries to let everyone think he’s a grumpy bastard but he’s actually got a good sense of humor.” You say and Ellie shakes her head, “he doesn’t laugh at my jokes!” She whines and you smirk, “oh he’s laughing. Just on the inside.”

“No, I’m not.” Joel grumps and huffs, trying to hide a smirk. He likes to bust on Ellie as much as she busts on him, just in different ways. If he tries to be too soft with the girl, she will shut down. “Hope it wasn’t too much trouble for dinner. We would have been good with pizza.”

You shake your head, “it’s nice to cook. I am usually so busy with work and my ex…he was a vegan which made it almost impossible to cook what I know but I love cooking. I’ve missed it. Hopefully it’s good.” You say and turn back to the stove to put the pasta on to cook. “You want a soda?” You ask Ellie, knowing Joel will want a beer. The teenager nods and you hand her a soda before handing Joel a bottle of beer. “Go sit at the table. Dinner will be right up.” You say as you set your glass of wine down.

“Ellie and I will clean up.” Joel offers. He might suck in the kitchen, but he knows how to clean up a mess and it wouldn’t be fair to expect you to wait on them. “Sound good?”

“You’re my guests.” You protest but Joel shakes his head, “we can do the dishes.” You sigh, knowing you’re best to not argue, and turn back to the stove. It doesn’t take long for you to set the serving dishes on the table. “Dig in.” You order and Ellie groans, “shit. That looks good.” 

“Ellie.” Joel warns softly and you chuckle, “hopefully it tastes good.”

“I'm sure it’s great.” Joel tells you with a quick smile as he cuts into the chicken cutlet. “Thank you, it’s nice to have a good meal.” He admits. Often times it was something from a box or fast food for them. “And did you remember what beer I drink? Or was it a lucky guess?”

You bite your lip and fluster slightly, “I, uh, I remembered.” You confess, having remembered every detail about the man opposite you. Your heart is still thumping when his dark eyes meet yours. 

Neither of you notice the way Ellie smirks as she cuts into her chicken. “This is fucking awesome. You’re a great cook. Right, Joel?” Ellie hints at her foster dad.

"Huh?" He's been trying not to make it obvious that he's having a moment with the chicken farm. Looking up, he sees that he's being asked a question. "Yeah, oh yeah, it's delicious." He praises. "I don't know if I've had chicken parm this good in forever." He promises.

Your stomach twists with their praise, pleased they are enjoying it and you dig in yourself, hungry after cooking for most of the afternoon. “So Ellie is your daughter?” You ask Joel and Ellie snorts, “he wishes. I’m just his foster kid. He and my mom were friends and when he found out I was in home after home, he took me in.” Ellie says and you smile, “always knew you were a softie.” You tease and Joel grunts his response.

The truth was more complicated and filled in infinitely more guilt. Joel had gone down a dark path after Sarah had died. He was Ellie's mother's dealer. Giving her the drugs even though she was using more and more and that it could kill her. He had told himself that it wasn't his problem until he had learned about Ellie. He had started avoiding the woman's calls until he learned she had died of an overdose. No other family other than Ellie, it had felt like it was his fault so he had done the work to become the kid's guardian.

You can sense there's more but you don't push. The three of you have small talk, Ellie mainly asking questions about what Joel was like when you knew him back in the day and you explain that you were good friends until he got married and you decided to leave town. "You left? And didn't keep in touch?" Ellie asks with a frown and you tap your fingers on the table, "it was complicated."

Joel snorts and doubts that, but he doesn't voice it. You keep saying it's complicated, but you won't even say more than that to him. Ellie rolls her eyes and sighs. "Just say you love him already. There. Done." She turns to Joel and pitches her voice up slightly. "Joel, I was in love with you so I couldn't stand to see you married." She says, pretending to be you before she looks back over at you with a shake of her head. "Now. Was that hard?"

Your jaw drops slightly as the teenager calls you out and reveals the reason you left within an hour of meeting you. "I, uh, it - um -" You stammer and Joel shakes his head. 

"Ellie. Don't be rude." He reprimands her and she waves her hand towards you, "I'm right, aren't I?" She asks and you stand up, grabbing your plate. 

"I have dessert. You like chocolate cake?" You ask and grab the teenager's plate.

“Stop being a little shit.” Joel hisses the moment you disappear out of sight. “She doesn’t love me. She’s just getting over a break up.” Ellie’s grin falls and she looks upset over her comments. “And you have to open your big mouth.”

You sigh as you cut into the cake you bought earlier and serve three plates. You carry them back over to the table on the tray and Ellie’s eyes widen as she takes it in. “Holy shit, that looks delicious.” She says and you chuckle, “I didn’t make this. I’m not a good baker.” You confess as you sit back down.

“I doubt that.” Joel tells you. “I’m sure you are a good baker, but Ellie never turns down cake.”

“I never do either.” You wink at Ellie, wanting to lighten the atmosphere and you dig into the cake. After the cake is eaten, Ellie tells you about her school and how she wants to learn to play the guitar. “Joel used to play guitar.” You reveal, remembering how you used to hear him practicing in his bedroom.

“You never told me that.” Ellie sounds downright offended that he had never told her about his musical proclivity. 

“Haven’t told you a lot.” He grunts, smirking slightly when she pouts at him. 

“But you can teach me, and then I won’t have to pay someone.” 

He chuckles and raises a brow at his foster kid. “I’ll take payment in the form of chores being done on time and completely.”

You chuckle and realize that Joel is just as soft as you remember him but he’s covered by a hard exterior…like a piece of candy. Sweet but sour. “Deal.” Ellie says despite knowing she will slack a little bit she hopes Joel will at least teach her the basics. “So are you gonna be seeing Joel again?” Ellie probes and you shrug, “well, he’s working next door so I think it’s inevitable.”

Joel rolls his eyes at the scheming tone of the girl’s voice. “Maybe I should ask you when you are going to see Vanessa again.” He huffs with a small smirk. “You seemed to be really into hanging out with her.”

You lean in a little closer with a smile, “who’s Vanessa?” You ask and Ellie blushes, “she’s, uh, she’s this girl from math and she - she’s really pretty.” Ellie murmurs and you reach out to touch her arm, “then maybe you should tell her that.” You suggest and Ellie rears back and shakes her head. “Oh no. No. I, uh, I don’t know if she likes me.” Ellie confesses and you say, “well, you’ll never know unless you ask.” You suggest softly and Ellie bites her lip until her expression hardens a little, “I could say the same thing to you guys.” She says, looking between you and Joel. 

You shake your head, “we are friends. Have always been friends.” You say and don’t notice Joel frown slightly. “Anyway, I, uh, I’m sure you have an early start. Do you want to take the rest of the cake home? I won’t eat all of that.”

“I know the kid will want it.” He won’t admit that he might go to the kitchen in the middle of the night to sneak a piece. “Come on.” He motions towards Ellie. “Let’s get in there and clean up. Show our appreciation for the good meal.”

Ellie, for once, doesn’t groan about doing dishes and you already have most of it in the dishwasher so it’s only the serving plates and plates you ate off of. “It’s okay.” You try to argue but Joel and Ellie already have a well rehearsed wash and dry system. You stand there with your glass of wine and admire Joel.

You had obviously washed as you cooked, so there weren’t as many dishes as when Joel decides he’s gonna actually cook. Once the last one is washed and handed off to Ellie to dry, Joel rinses the rag and starts to wipe down your counters. “Tell you what?” He jokes. “You feed us like that and we’ll do all the dishes every time. Might even do your laundry too.”

You chuckle and hold your hand out towards Joel, “that’s a deal, Miller.” You joke and he squeezes your hand, sending electricity up your arm at his touch and your heart thumps. You stare at him for a moment until Ellie clears her throat and looks between you with a shit eating grin until Joel lets go of your hand. They finish washing up and you hand them the box of cake to take with them when you escort them out of your house “it was great to meet you, Ellie.”

"It was pretty cool to meet you too." Ellie smirks. "I think I'll probably see a lot more of you too." She predicts before shooting out the door. "Thanks for the food!" She shouts as she waves the cake box over her head.

You chuckle when Joel rolls his eyes, “she’s a handful.” He says and you reach up to squeeze his shoulder, “she’s a good kid. And you’re a good man for taking her in.” You say and he leans in to softly kiss your cheek. 

“Thanks for dinner, sweetheart. See you around.” He winks at you and you fluster, nodding before you shut the door. Your heart is fluttering, the ghost of his kiss on your cheek and you know that your love for him has never gone away, it’s just been concealed. 

**** 

The next morning, you’re woken up by Joel and his crew again and you sigh, getting ready for the day. When you open the curtains, your jaw drops as you come face to face with Joel working , his shirt looped into his jeans. “Shit.” You hiss, your stomach twisting with arousal as you watch his shoulder muscles move.

Joel sees the curtains opening on the bedroom you are obviously using in your aunt’s house. He looks back down at the board he was nailing into place and smirks. It was hot as hell today and that might have prompted him to take his shirt off. All the while, telling himself that Ellie’s prodding about how much you two obviously liked each other was a bunch of BS. You had been friends. He’s sure he had taken his shirt off around you at some point, so why shouldn’t he be comfortable.

Your mouth is dry as you try to discreetly watch. You hadn’t seen Joel without his shirt off and the muscles moving has you wanting to get back into bed and imagine Joel in it with you. Instead, you force yourself to get ready for the day and brew some coffee. The doorbell rings around mid morning and you brush yourself down as you move to open the door. “Joel. What’s up?” You ask, his shirt still off, he’s covered in some kind of grease, and you swallow harshly. “I hate to ask this but do you think I could use your shower? I got grease all over me from trying to fix my tool. Can I - I’ll be quick.” He asks and you nod, “of course. It’s upstairs to the left.” You say, “I can run your stuff through the washer if you want?” You offer.

“Thanks.” He shoots you a grin. “I appreciate it. This job has been nothing but a pain in my ass, but at least the view is nice.” He tells you, aware that he’s flirting, but he can’t help himself. He’s been thinking about you all day. Wondering what you’ve been doing.

You bite your lip as he grins at you and you aren’t sure if he’s flirting or not. You watch him as he carefully makes his way upstairs after taking off his boots at the door and you try to busy yourself by making some iced tea for when he’s done showering. Logically, you know he doesn’t have a spare set of clothes yet you’re still surprised when he appears with a towel wrapped around his waist and you swear your heart stops. Fuck, he looks gorgeous. You want to lean in and lick the drops of water speeding down his chest and stomach to be absorbed by the towel.

Joel shuffles slightly. “Sorry. I didn’t think about the fact I had nothing to put on.” He admits, rubbing the back of his neck. “And I- I swiped some of your deodorant.” He chuckles awkwardly. “Probably the best I’ve smelled all day.”

“That - That’s okay.” You nod, torn between stepping forward to rip the towel from his body and running to your room to disappear. “I, uh, I made some iced tea if you want some.” Joel nods and you pour him a glass. “I’ll put your things in the washer.” You hold your arms out and take the dirty clothes, quick to walk into the laundry room to put his clothes on to wash.

He hadn’t missed the way your breaking hitched, and he reasons that Ellie was right. You want him. Instead of drinking the tea, he puts it down and quietly follows behind you. Crowding in behind you as you close the lid to start it and smirks when you gasp as you turn around. “Sorry, realized I forgot to give you everything.” He rasps out, reaching for his towel. “Can’t forget that.”

Your eyes widen and you bite your lip to stop the whimper escaping. Joel is naked. In your aunt’s laundry room. You spin around and place the towel in the washer before pressing the button to start it. His hands find your waist and he pushes up against you, “Joel.” You whimper, “I- oh God.” You gasp when he kisses your neck. 

“I want you.” He confesses, “you want me, darlin’?” He asks and your knees would buckle if he didn’t have you pressed up against the washer. 

“I need you. I’ve wanted you since I met you.” You confess breathlessly.

His hardening cock twitches against your ass and he groans. “That is why you left.” He huffs. “Fuck, I wish I had known.” He squeezes your hips and then slides his hands around so he can unbutton your jeans. “I would have taken you to bed before I met Helen. Always thought you were a pretty thing. Never seemed like you wanted more with me, so I didn’t push.”

You turn your head to kiss his jaw. “I thought you thought of me as the dumb kid next door. Never saw me as the woman I became. I thought you just saw me as a friend. When you told me you were engaged to Helen - I - I couldn’t stick around and watch you be a family.” You confess as he pulls the zipper down and you gasp when he shoves your jeans down your thighs, his hand quickly pushing into your panties to rub your clit. “Joel.” You moan, reaching up to turn his head so you can press your lips against his.

He knows that this will change everything but he’s tired of being alone. Tired of the regrets he has and you have always been one of them. His work rough fingers press and rub your clit while his other hand slides under your shirt and pushes your bra up so he can fondle your tits. “Never thought you were a girl. You aren’t that much younger than me. Hated how much I wanted you. How much I thought about you.”

You gasp when he rubs your clit just right and you grind your hips back against his aching cock. “God. I- I thought about you all the time.” You confess and reach behind you to grip his cock in your hand. “I want you, Joel.” You whimper, needing to feel him inside of you after so many years of wondering what he would feel like.

“Then you’ll get me.” Joel promises. “Right after you cum on my fingers.” He twists his wrist so he can push two thick fingers inside you and rub your clit with his thumb. Groaning and twitching in your hand when your walls squeeze his fingers tight. “I’ll fuck your little pussy right. Make you forget all about that douche bag in Texas. Show you how a man should be treating you.”

His words send a whine up your throat and you squeeze his cock in your grip as his fingers stretch you out. “Oh God. Jo- Joel.” You gasp when his thumb presses harder against your clit. It’s more than you’ve felt in years while having sex and you are grateful for his hand squeezing your breast to keep you upright and pressed against the washer. “Shit. That - it’s so good.” You pant, knowing that Jason never made you feel like this. He never used to finger you until you came, just until you were wet. You’re a little embarrassed when you look back on it later to say that you came astonishingly quick, clamping down on his digits with a moan of his name.

“Good girl.” Joel moans when he feels your body tense and shake. “Fuck, your such a good girl for me. Bet you taste delicious, don’t cha?” He groans, the slickness coating his fingers makes it easier to work you through your orgasm until he feels your knees buckle and you collapse against the washing machine. “Fuck. You needed that, didn’t you. Still want me to fuck you or do you need a cigarette?” He jokes. He’s throbbing in your hand, but if you don’t want to go any farther, he won’t push. He doesn’t want you to regret it or feel like he’s taking advantage of your broken heart.

You squeeze his cock again, "don't you dare stop, Miller. I- I've wanted you for forever. I need you inside of me." You plead breathlessly, pussy still fluttering around his fingers, "please." You add pathetically, needing this even if it's one time.

“I’m so fuckin’ glad you said that.” Joel confesses as he pulls his soaked fingers out of you. “Otherwise I was gonna need to jerk off right now.” He kisses your neck and pushes your feet apart with his own to spread you out. “It’s gonna be quick.” He warns. “Been a long fuckin’ time for me.”

"I don't care. You can cum inside of me." You promise, bracing yourself on the vibrating washer as he positions himself at your entrance and starts to push inside of you. You whine when his cock slips inside of you, already stretching you out. "Fuck. You are so big." You moan, knowing that you've never had anyone this thick inside of you.

​​Joel groans your name roughly, rolling his hips until they are pressed against your ass and both hands are filled with your tits. “So goddamn tight.” He rasps in your ear, twitching when you clench around him. “Better than my dreams, better than I could have ever imagined. So tight around my dick.”

You reach behind you to tangle your fingers in his damp hair. He starts to move inside of you, a whine escaping your lips as the friction is delicious, and you rest your cheek on the washer. “Soooo gooood.” Your voice vibrates too and Joel chuckles darkly, making you clench around him again.

He moves his hands down to grip your waist, holding tight to you as he braces his legs. Starting to rock into you faster and harder to make your body slam against the machine you are leaning against. “Fuck baby, you’re goddamn perfect.” He grunts out, gritting his teeth. “Touch your pretty little clit while I fuck the shit out of you.”

You cry out in pleasure, your hand shaking as you push it between you and the machine to rub your clit. “Fuck Joel. Joel. Oh shit.” You practically sob and his fingers dig into your flesh, likely leaving bruises you’ll cherish. “Harder.” You demand, wanting to feel him for days after he leaves you.

He growls, deep in his chest and his pace increases. Slamming into you harsh enough that he rocks the machine. Loving how you take him and beg for more, how tight your cunt gets when you spasm around him. “Gonna cum.” He warns, feeling his body starting to tense. “Need you to cum, sweet girl.”

You rub your clit a little faster, wanting to cum before he does and his grunts echo in the laundry room, getting deeper and faster along with his thrusts until you fall apart. A cry rips from your mouth as you clamp down on him, practically shaking against the vibrating machine as you climax around the man you’ve wanted for so long.

As soon as you clench down around him, Joel is lost. The strangled groan pushes out of his throat as he buries his cock just as deep as he can. Painting your walls with hot spurts of his seed while he grinds into you and whimpers your name. Overwhelmed by how perfect you feel around him.

You pant, resting against the washer as Joel twitches inside of you, his lips kissing along the back of your neck. You are speechless. No one has ever fucked you like that. Your legs feel like jello and you know you'd collapse if it wasn't for him keeping you pressed against the machine.

Panting, Joel presses against your back, kissing along your neck as he tries to catch his breath. He’s out of practice, but the way your legs still shake makes him think he did it right. “Fuck.” He chuckles. “We shoulda done that years ago.”

You chuckle softly, "yes but you were married." You snort and Joel caresses your side. "I think I'm gonna need a nap after that." You confess and he smirks against your skin, reluctantly pulling out of you.

“Well, I can’t go back to work with no clothes on.” He reminds you with another chuckle. “Why don’t we take that nap?” He’s already told his crew what to do and he doesn’t want to leave you right now. Caressing your back, he watches his cum start to well up at your little hole, trying to push out.

You smile, reaching behind you to unclasp your bra after he steps back from you and you finally feel like you can stand up. You toss your bra and shirt into the laundry basket along with the rest of your clothes after using your panties to wipe his cum from between your legs. “I need to pee and then we can nap.” You say, leaning in to kiss his cheek. “You wanna head upstairs while I pee?” You ask.

“Yeah.” Joel smirks slightly when you wobble as you walk to the hall bathroom and he strides into the kitchen to grab you a bottle of water before heading upstairs to the bedroom you are using. Feeling great and hoping that you enjoyed yourself, he’s gonna have to ask you when you come up.

You struggle to get upstairs but you do it, finding Joel sitting on the edge of the bed, still naked and you admire him for a second. The sun coming through the curtains highlights the gray in his locks and you find yourself falling for him all over again. You shift to lay down on the bed, closing your eyes, “you’ve worn me out, Miller.” You joke playfully.

“You’re worn out?” It’s fucking ridiculous how he wants to touch you again, even though he knows it will be at least half an hour, maybe more before he could get it up again. “And here I was thinking about eating your pussy.” He flips back on the bed beside you. “Guess that’s out.”

You open one eye, “now I didn’t say I was that worn out.” You tease, shifting onto your side and opening both eyes to look at him. “I would happily cum on your tongue if you want to do that.” You murmur, reaching out to caress his chest.

“Figure I owe you that much.” He grunts. “Fucked you over a washing machine. Not exactly the classiest first time.” He shoots you a grin. “Shoulda been in the bed of my truck.” He leans in and presses his lips to your as he rolls you onto your back and covers you with his body. “Wanna find out how you taste. Used to think about it when I had my dick in my hand.”

​​You reach up to caress his shoulders and back, “the bed of your truck. The stars above while the radio plays. That might’ve been something I dreamed about a lot.” You confess as he kisses along your neck. “I want to suck your cock too. Imagined it so many times. How you’d look, how you’d sound.”

“Fuck.” He groans, imagining it. “You’d look so fucking pretty like that.” He agrees. “But right now, there’s no way I’m gonna get hard, baby. I’m old.”

You scoff, “you’re not old. You just need some time.” You murmur, caressing his back as he slides his hand down your side. “We have time.” You promise softly despite knowing you are on borrowed time in your aunt’s house. “Now…you mentioned something about eating me out?”

He laughs as his tongue slides between your breasts, looking up at you with a grin that makes him feel younger, lighter. “I was telling you that you were going to scream my name.” He boasts, kissing across your belly as he shuffles down the bed to move between your thighs.

You grin as you watch him until he kisses your inner thigh and your mouth falls open with a moan. “Joel.” You sigh when he kisses along the sensitive skin until you are moaning his name as his tongue slides through your folds. “Fuck.” You tilt your head back, sitting up on your elbows.

He hums, knowing you are watching him but his eyes are closed as he tastes you. Enjoying the musky, tangy taste, even mixed with his own cum. Using his hands to push your thighs apart more, he flicks his tongue over your clit before sliding down and pushing his tongue inside you.

You gasp in delight as his tongue curls deep and you shift your weight onto one elbow so you can reach out and tangle your fingers in his hair. "So good baby. So good." You coo, rocking your hips up slightly to push his tongue deeper.

Joel groans into your cunt as he tongue fucks you enthusiastically. Loving your responsiveness and how you moan his name. His fingers dig into your hips, dragging you closer as he feasts voraciously without even wanting to pull away to swallow, his spit and your juices sliding down to soak the bed under you.

"Oh God." You pant, chest heaving and you let go of his hair to squeeze your breast, pinching the nipple while his nose presses against your clit. "That - ohhh just like that." You cry as his tongue curls just right with his nose pressed against your bundle of nerves.

He hums, rubbing his broad nose against your clit to give you more. Desperate to hear you cum again and to feel you soak his face. He feels so fucking alive right now between your thighs.

"Shit. I'm - you're gonna make me cum, Joel." You pant, thighs clamping around his face as he sends you over the edge. "Fuck!" You squeal as you soak his face, almost suffocating him with your thighs as your stomach clenches with your orgasm.

Joel groans, his softening cock starting to twitch and harden. Loving how wet you are getting and how much you are soaking him. Working you through it, his eyes are fixed on your face while you moan and cry out for him.

You collapse back onto the bed, gasping to catch your breath and you swear your heart has stopped from how hard you came. It’s more than anything you felt with Jason. It’s all consuming. “So good.” You finally murmur, loosening your grip on his face as your legs come down to lay flat on the bed when he rests his chin on your mound.

He smirks, looking at your blissed out face. “Good to know that it was good.” He strokes your thigh and your hip with his hands. “Now we can nap.” He teases, winking playfully.

You shift onto your side after he snakes from between your legs to flop down on the bed beside you. “You don’t want me to-?” You ask, noticing his semi. 

“Nap first then maybe you can ride me.” He says, closing his eyes and you nod, shifting to curl into his side, watching him for several moments until you eventually drift off to sleep. 

**** 

You aren’t sure how long you’ve been asleep but you wake up to Joel snoring. You chuckle softly, knowing he would never admit to snoring, and you watch him for a moment, unable to believe you’re here with him. Your gaze slides down his body to his hard cock resting on his belly and you grin, carefully shifting to be able to kneel over his body. You gently grip his cock and lean down to take the head into your mouth, wanting to surprise him when he wakes up.

Joel grunts, the wet heat and suction around his cock pulling him out of the nap he had been enjoying. Confused for a moment before the last few hours come rushing back to him and he groans out your name. Reaching down to cup the back of your head as his eyes open. Seeing you looking up at him with a smirk in your eyes.

You take him deeper, gripping the base of his cock as you widen your jaw and choke for a second. You haven’t sucked a cock like Joel’s before and it takes you a few tries to get him down your throat without gagging.

“Good girl, fuck, watch you take that.” He marvels. Reaching around to caress your jaw and feeling the way that your jaw unhinges. “Couldn’t wait, so eager for it that you had to wake me up?” He teases.

You moan around his cock, closing your eyes as you take him deeper, your saliva dripping down his length and you pull back after a moment, working his cock with your hand. You twist your wrist and dribble some more spit onto his cock. “I couldn’t resist.” You confess, pumping him as you lean in to suck on the head, pressing your tongue against his frenulum.

“Shit.” Joel hisses, his toes curling in pleasure and his thighs tensing as his body responds to your tongue. “Cock hungry.” He grunts. “You gonna swallow? Or are you gonna tease me and not let me cum in your mouth?”

You pull back again, pumping him a little faster. “You wanna cum down my throat or do you want me to ride you? Your choice, handsome.” You coo, “I can do whatever you want. Just want you to feel good.” You promise, taking him back into your mouth.

“Fuck.” It’s such a tantalizing choice but he knows he lasts longer the second time around and then he’ll be done. It would make your jaw ache and he doesn’t want that. “Ride me, baby.” He groans. “Want to see you bounce on my cock.”

You don't argue despite wanting to watch him as he cums down your throat. You let his cock drop from your mouth and you shift to straddle his thighs, shuffling closer until you can wrap your fingers around his slick cock and position him. You sink down onto him with your eyes fixed on his, that dark gaze sends a shiver down your spine as he stretches you out. "God, Joel." You whine softly, placing your palms on his chest.

“Fuuuuuuuuck.” Joel goans out, his fingers digging into the soft flesh at your hips while you clench down around him. You’re even tighter in this position and he has the bonus of being able to look into your eyes. See your face. “Does that feel good, baby?”

"Joel. It's...shit. It's so good." You confess breathlessly and your nails dig into his chest a little as you start to rock your hips. "Shit. How does it feel so good? Never been like this before." You confess as your eyes meet his and your heart pounds in your chest, silently giving you the answer to your question.

Bracing his feet on the bed, he rocks his hips up to meet you when you lift off of him. Making both of you groan at how good it feels. “You look so good on my dick.” He groans. “Your ex is a fucking moron.” He doesn’t want you to think about that asshole, but he wants you to know that it wasn’t you. One hand slides up to cup your breast, squeezing gently. “Never wanna leave this pussy.”

His words make you clench around him and you whimper, falling forward to press your chest against his so you can kiss him. Your lips pressing against his and you tangle your fingers in his hair as he thrusts up into you. His arms wrap around you and you kiss his jaw when you pull back to take a breath. "Never want you to stop fucking me."

Joel grunts, shifting to take control. “Good-“ he pants. “Good thing I last the second time.” He starts rocking his hips up, pinning you to him as he fucks you. “It’s why I wanted you to ride me. Probably take me an hour to cum.”

You are surprised by that. Most men you've been with tend to leave you unsatisfied after finding their own orgasm. "Fuck, really?" You gasp and he chuckles, thrusting a little harder. "Yes. Gonna make you cum over and over again." You cry out when he hits deep, nudging your cervix, but you love it. "Yessss." You hiss, "do that again baby."

Joel groans and does as you demand, snapping his hips up sharply so he can push against that spot again. He might be getting older, slower, fall asleep after dinner in his chair, but he’s not going to disappoint you. Not when he has this time with you like this. Trying to give you the same performance if he had fucked you years ago. “That?” He teases. “I’ll do that as much as you want.”

The sound you let out is between a wail and a moan as he hits that spot again. “Oh shitttt.” You hiss, lost in the sensations. “Again. That- again.” You beg and he does it, making you shake above him. “Joel. Oh shit. Baby. I’m gonna - you’re gonna make me - fuuuu-” The word fading into a choke as you clamp down on his cock, soaking him as you shake above his body, your fingers tugging on his hair.

This time he slows down, rocking you through the pleasure slowly and finally stopping when you slump down into his chest. He’s still hard, buried inside you, and he hums softly as he lets you catch your breath. “That’s good, baby?” He asks quietly. “You want another one?”

You lean back to look into his face. Fingers coming up to trace the lines that have been etched onto his skin over the years you’ve not seen each other. He’s still just as devastatingly handsome though. Every line is a story you don’t know about. “Yes.” You murmur, pressing your lips to his and you shift to sit up, wanting to ride him again. Your hips rock as you reach for his hands, joining them with yours to give yourself something to hold onto as you rock on his cock.

This time, you ride him. Truly ride him. You roll your hips and circle them around and make him groan. He squeezes your hands, but he doesn’t urge you to go faster. Knowing you will cum again before he does. He doesn’t want to hurt you or wear you out, so he’s just along for the ride. Aware that the sounds from next door have stopped and the guys have gone home.

You tilt your head back as you rock your hips. It’s slower, not as frantic, and you love the way he groans when you grind down onto him. “So good Joel. God, I- I can’t believe it’s so good.” You confess, squeezing his hands before you let go of him and lean back to place your hands on his thighs, grinding forward onto his cock.

He chuckles and watches you with a sense of wonder. “It’s because you’ve not had good sex in a long time.” He downplays his prowess because all that matters is that you enjoy yourself. “God, your pussy is fucking magic.” He moans quietly, twitching violently in the warmth of your walls.

You whimper, loving how he looks beneath you, and you moan his name again, “can you-?” You reach for his hand to bring it to your stomach, sliding it down to rub your clit and you moan when he rubs it just right. “That’s it baby. Shit.” You pant, rocking a little faster and you are soon clamping down on him again, head tilted back as a choked cry escapes your lips.

Joel watches you through heavy lidded eyes as you come apart again. Enjoying the pleasure you take as much as you do, although your body is the one shaking. He rocks his hips up slightly when your pace falters to work you through it. Groaning out your name and humming as you collapse against his chest to kiss you.

You caress his cheek, “I need a second.” You admit, chest heaving as your heart pounds in your chest and you pull off of his cock. Shifting to lay beside him and you reach down to grip his length, starting to pump him slowly while you lean in to kiss him. “Can’t believe you’re in my bed.” You murmur against his lips.

​​“Hard to believe since we haven’t seen each other in so long.” Joel agrees. “But it is pretty damn good, I think.” He reaches up and cups your cheek. “I know you deserve the fucking moon.”

You grin, turning your head to kiss his palm. “So do you. Always thought you were too hard on yourself.” You murmur, continuing to pump his cock. “I want you on top of me.” You request, letting go of his cock.

“Ready for more?” His brow shoots up and he huffs. “It’s a good damn thing that I didn’t cum.” He teases you, already moving to his knees so his could climb on top of you.

You giggle, reaching up to caress his shoulders and down to his chest, reaching for his cock to position him at your entrance. “I want you to cum. Fill me up again.” You promise, “and I’ll always want more.” You reassure him and he looks at you for a moment until he swallows harshly.

“Yeah?” He asks gruffly, not waiting for you to give him an answer, just lunging forward to fill you up again while he kisses you. Swallowing your cry when he pushes deep and immediately starts to rock into you.

You moan into his mouth, tongue tangling with his as he starts to rock his hips. It’s intoxicating and you are certain that you’ve never been fucked this well before. He kisses along your neck, biting your collarbone and you pant, closing your eyes. “So good baby. So good.” You whimper as he lifts your hip higher to sink deeper inside of you.

“Glad you like my fucking.” He huffs, chuckling breathlessly. He hasn’t worked this hard to fuck a pussy in years and he’s not regretting it. You both deserve this. He actually feels like he deserves this, surprisingly. You make him feel like he does.

“Oh God.” You can’t stop rambling about how good he feels, your heart pounding in your chest and you cross your ankles behind his back, your hands caressing his shoulders, strong from his years in construction. He lowers his hips and you swear you’re gonna cum again when the hair at the base of his cock brushes your clit.

“That’s it.” Joel grunts. The position has you perfectly positioned. Loving how tight you feel and how good it feels to be cradled between your thighs, he knows he’s gonna cum this time. “One more.” He begs. “Give me one more and I’ll fill you up again.”

You pant when he pushes deeper and drops his hips again and you swear you almost black out from the extent of pleasure he’s given you and you swear you are going to gush as he hits just right and you clamp down on his cock. “Joel. Joel. Joellll.” You squeal as you cum, soaking him and your ankles pushing against his ass.

Joel groans, unable to stop himself from pushing deep and letting go. His body draws up taunt like a guitar string. “That’s it baby, gonna cum.” He moans, feeling his cock pulse as he spills ropes of cum into your perfect cunt. Emptying himself as he holds his breath, feeling like his heart is about to beat out of his chest.

You sigh, closing your eyes and tilting your head back against the pillows as he paints your walls with his cum. You feel exhausted and yet feel like you could conquer the world. Alive and vibrating with pleasure from the man above you. The words would be so easy to say. The words you’ve wanted to say for so many years but you swallow them down.

Joel groans and pulls out of you slowly, flopping onto his back with a sigh. “Now I need another nap.” He huffs, closing his eyes even as he opens his arms if you want to snuggle to him again. “Wore me out, woman.”

You shift to curl into his side, throwing your leg over his thighs and not caring about his cum dripping out of you. You sigh and kiss his chest. “That was the best sex I’ve ever had.” You confess, closing your eyes as you cuddle into him.

“Good.” Joel hums sleepily. “Best damn sex I’ve had too.” His hand curls around your body and closes his eyes again, exhausted and for once, the nightmares don’t come.

**** 

You smile as Ellie sets the blankets up in the back of Joel’s truck. You watch Joel as he comes back to the truck with an armful of popcorn. “Fuck yeah.” Ellie says and you chuckle, taking the popcorn from Joel. “You’re excited to watch Dawn of the Dead?” You ask her with amusement and she nods, “duh. It’s the original. The remake is good but it has nothing on this one.” She says and you watch Joel snort. “Come on, let’s get in the truck, it’s about to start.” He says and you climb in after he does, taking his hand.

Joel can’t believe that you wanted to spend time with Ellie, but it makes him smile as she settles down and you sit beside her. Leaning him to squeeze in on the outside. “It’s always nice when they run these.” Joel admits. “Been a long time since we’ve been, but I always loved it as a kid. Remember all those times we would hang out at the drive in? Damn thing was the only movie theater for twenty miles.”

You shift to snuggle into Joel's side after the movie begins. Ellie chomps away on the popcorn and you inhale the smoky scent of Joel as he shifts to get comfortable with the pillows behind you. The past week has been incredible, spending most days with Joel after he finishes working on the house next door and you've had dinners at your place with and without Ellie. You've wanted Ellie to feel included, that you aren't taking Joel away from her all the time, and the teenager says she's happy she doesn't have to see the miserable old bastard all the time. That made you chuckle and Joel grumble, causing Ellie to go "see? My point." You flinch during the movie, on edge despite seeing this classic before, and Joel rubs your shoulder.

He ignores the way that Ellie eyes the two of you and snickers under her breath. Pulling you against him to where you roll to your side, hooking a leg over his. He tucks his other arm behind his head. “Maybe we can do that thing downtown next week.” He mentions casually, keeping his voice low. “Kid wants to go. Could be fun.” The little town loves to hold festivals and events, especially during the summer. 

You hum, looking up at him. “I would love that.” You have been having dinners with Ellie and she’s a great kid. Feisty and her manners could use some work but she’s a good girl really. She’s gonna be a ball buster when she grows up. You and Joel have grown closer and he told you about Sarah. How he asked her to pick up milk on the way home from school because he was too busy with work to pick her up himself so she said she’d walk home and she ended up involved in an armed robbery of the grocery store. She made one wrong move to try and help a pregnant woman and ended up shot. You held Joel after he told you what happened, both of you crying for the little girl who would never grow up. Since then, you’ve spent as much time as possible together, even spending the night at Joel’s house. You never want to go home. You want to stay right here forever. You kiss Joel’s jaw when it tenses and he turns his head to softly kiss you, making your heart flutter.

Joel hums into the kiss, keeping it soft and light since the kid is sitting right next to you. He’s already planning on having you spend the night. Getting used to the feeling of your body next to his and when he’s holding you, he doesn’t dream of Sarah. He doesn’t hear her last breaths as he sleeps. He nuzzles your cheek with his nose when he pulls away. “Enjoying yourself, baby?”

“Always with you.” You whisper softly while Ellie chomps on popcorn and laughs when someone new gets bitten. It’s the most at peace you’ve been in so long. You want to tell Joel how you feel but you don’t want to ruin this between you. When you arrive back at Joel’s, you bid goodnight to Ellie and Joel is dragging you to his room. “Someone’s eager.” You giggle and he shuts the door behind you.

“Always with you.” He uses your words from earlier, but it’s true. He’s always eager to touch you, to taste you. Feeling your skin against his is unlike anything else and he’s addicted to it. He quickly pulls off your shirt and unclips your bra as he kisses along your neck, moving down to take a nipple in his mouth.

You gasp, body still on fire as much as the first time whenever he touches you. You reach for his jeans, unbuckling them and reaching in to grip his cock, loving how hard he is for you. “Joel.” You whine when he bites down on your nipple, groaning into your skin.

He loves how you whine, how you beg for him. Switching to your other breast, he shows it the same attention, squeezing your ass and then hastily unbuttoning your shorts. Needing to feel how wet you are for him.

You let go of his cock so he can shove your shorts down and he groans when his hand dives into your panties and he finds you soaking wet. You’ve never been so turned on by a man, wet from just a few kisses from Joel. Even looking at him. You whimper when his calloused fingers find your clit. “Yesss baby.” You hiss softly, reaching back to squeeze his cock.

“Fuck.” He groans against your tit. His fingers rub your clit and then he slides them deep inside you and curls up. “Want you to cum for me, then I want to fuck you.” He growls.

You can’t deny him when he wants you to cum for him. His thumb pressing against your clit and you’re so close already. “Joel. Baby. Shit.” You hiss as you clamp down on his digits, soaking them and your grip on his cock tightens.

It seems like he’s learned your body perfectly over the last week. Groaning happily when your cunt gushes around his fingers and makes it squelch when he continues to finger you. “So good baby, so good.” He praises. “You’re so good for me.”

You whimper, “yes. Yes. All yours. I- shit. Need you inside of me.” You plead, letting go of his cock to reach for his shirt. You want to pull it over his head so you can touch his skin.

It’s a frantic rush to get both of you undressed. Acting like teenagers again. He chuckles when he nearly trips over his boxers as he moves you towards the bed. “So damn eager. All the time.” He grunts, pressing his lips to yours as he pushes you down onto the bed.

You giggle, looking up at him as he shifts to kneel between your legs. You stop giggling when he looks at you and you reach up to caress his cheeks. “It’s because it’s you.” You murmur, your heart pounding in your chest and you know you can’t say those words and ruin this so you surge forward to press your lips against gis.

Joel closes his eyes and moans into your mouth. Gripping his cock and guiding himself towards your dripping entrance while your tongues tangle together. Flattening his hands on either side of your head as he starts to push inside you.

You tangle your fingers in his hair, lifting your thighs up to rest on his hips so he can sink deeper inside of you. “Joel baby. Shit. Always so thick. Stretching me out. Would’ve - would’ve let you fuck me in your truck during the movie if Ellie wasn’t there.” You reveal when he leans back to kiss along your jaw.

He hums quietly. "Could you have kept quiet?" He asks, sliding a hand up and covering your mouth. "Or would I have had to fuck you like this? Keep those pretty sounds for myself while I fuck you?"

Your moan is muffled by his palm and you whimper when he starts to move inside of you. Your cunt clenches around him, making him chuckle darkly, and you swear that alone could make you cum. His hand slides down to your neck, holding you there but not squeezing. “I would’ve tried. The - the horror screams might’ve covered mine up.”

He hums, smirking as he watches you squirm underneath him. "Maybe." He tells you doubtfully. Your screams are too loud when he's really fucking you. Although you normally save that for when he's fucking you at your aunt's house.

You slap his chest playfully and he grabs your hand, pressing it into the mattress above your head. “I could’ve kept quiet.” You huff and he thrusts particularly hard into you, making you moan a little louder than you shoulder. His eyebrow raises as you open your eyes and you roll your eyes, “okay, you made your point. Now, you gonna fuck me, Miller?” You tease, leaning up to nip his jaw.

“I’m fuckin’ you, aren’t I?” He grumbles even though he’s smirking again. He’s been doing a lot of that around you lately. Reaching back, he grabs your hand and lifts it up over your head while he slams into you again. “Addicted to it. To you.”

Your mouth falls open, all joking gone as he hits so deep inside of you. “Fuck.” You gasp, closing your eyes as he rolls his hips on the next thrust. “Shit. Me too. Addicted. To all of you.” You promise, having seen some of his darker moments when he’d wake up in the middle of the night and momentarily forget he lost Sarah. You’d held him while he settled down and neither of you spoke about it the next morning. It’s his decision to talk or not talk.

With your confession, his pace falters for a moment before he starts rocking into you faster. Snapping his hips as harshly as he can to slam into you roughly. Knocking your breath and his own out of you as he fucks you.

You lift your hips higher, sending him impossibly deeper inside of you, and you can barely breathe with the way he’s pushing deep inside of you. “Fuck baby. That’s it. God. Feels so good. So good.” You moan, squeezing his hands in yours.

“You’re so good.” He’s done everything he fucking could to show you how sexy you are. How desirable. That your ex is a dumbass. He squeezes your hand and despite the rough pace, his lips are tender on yours.

His hips grind against yours and you are close when he rubs your clit just right. “Shit. Jo-Joel. Fuck. I’m gonna - I’m gonna - Shitttttt.” You hiss as you clamp down on his cock, soaking him and your lips hover against his as he works you through it.

It’s always so surprising how quickly you cum. Making him groan as your walls squeeze hum like a vice, begging him to fill you up. He kisses you again, keeping his cock working in and out of you as he chases his own high. Thinking about you and how sexy you are, different times he’s fucked you. Wanting to cum and snuggle with you while he can. “Fuck, fuck, baby.” He pants. “So fucking good for me. Soaking my cock. Moaning my name. You’re mine, ain’t cha?”

You nod, “yes. Yes. Yours. Always been yours. You just didn’t know it.” You confess and he groans, pushing deep inside of you with a hiss as he starts to cum. “That’s it baby. Cum for me. Yes. Yes. God, that’s it.” You squeeze his hands as he scrunches his face up while he paints your walls.

“You should stay.” Joel groans out as he collapses on top of you and buries his face into your neck. Panting breathlessly and trying to find the words he needs, even though he’s never been good at them. He needs you. Much like he needed Ellie, just in a different kind of way. He doesn’t want you to leave and he knows you’ve only got a few days left.

You want to stay. More than anything. You often daydream about a life spent with Joel but you have a life back in Texas that you need to sort out. You want to stay, forget everything in Texas but you have an apartment. “I can’t. Not yet.” You murmur and caress his back, “I have stuff to figure out in Texas.” You wish you could stay with him but you have to get everything sorted.

Joel doesn’t say anything. He knows it was a long shot. He kisses you softly and pulls out of you with a groan and rolls onto his back. Quiet and suddenly wondering is you are going to go back to that asshole now that you’ve fucked someone else.

You shift into his side, kissing his chest, and you know it’s hard to explain to Joel who sees the world in absolutes. You know he isn’t happy with your answer and you’ll try to explain it better in the daylight. He is soon snoring in your ear and you murmur to him, “I love you.” You will call your parents tomorrow and see if they can help you out. 

**** 

Joel looks at you as you finish making the sandwiches for lunch. “You nearly finished with the house next door?” You ask him as you set the iced tea down in front of him as he shifts to sit at your kitchen counter. 

“Nearly.” He says and he’s been quiet since last night when you told him you weren’t staying. 

You set the plate in front of him just as the doorbell rings. He looks at you and you shake your head, “I didn’t order anything.” You say and make your way over to the front door. You open it and gasp, “Jason?”

His heart sinks as he hears your gasps but his first instinct is anger. Lurching out of his seat, Joel rushes to the door and pushes you out of the way so he can grab the asshole who hurt you. "What the fuck are you doing here?" He growls, satisfied that the man nearly squeals and flinches when Joel draws his fist back to punch him.

Jason winces and you reach up to touch Joel’s arm. “Don’t. He’s not worth it.” You say and Joel glances at you, confused that you don’t want him to beat this guy’s ass and you say no. “What do you want, Jason?” You huff and Jason adjusts his shirt after Joel lowers his arm. 

“I want you back. I made a mistake. I'm sorry baby. Please. I miss you.” You ignore that to ask him how he found you. “Your phone…still has the location shared with me.” 

You hiss at your stupidity. “I don’t - I don’t love you Jason. You hurt me. So much. Just go.” You plead and he shakes his head, trying to push into the house but Joel puffs his chest and Jason backs away. 

“Fine. Whatever. Clearly you’ve moved on. Good luck, man. She’s batshit crazy.” Jason growls, “and she needs to do some fucking kegels.” 

Joel hisses and surges forward to grab Jasón but he manages to dodge Joel and runs down the path. “Motherfucker.” Joel hisses and tries to catch him but you place your hand on his chest, “leave it baby. It’s not worth it.” You remind him and Joel shouts out, “you worthless piece of shit!” You sigh and shut the door, feeling a little shaken by Jason’s random appearance.

Joel’s angry. Pissed off that you apparently still have feelings for that fucking loser. Enough that you wouldn’t let him beat the shit out of him and teach him some fucking manners. “Charming asshole.” He grunts, not even hungry anymore. “See why you want to go back to him.” You just said you didn’t love him, but why else would you give up on everything the two of you have if not to go back to that worthless piece of shit.

Your eyes widen, “go- what the hell are you talking about, Joel? Go back to him? That’s the last thing I’d ever do. I didn’t think he’d track my fucking phone to come and find me.” You shake your head, “I don’t want him. I want you. I only want you.” You want to tell him how much but you don’t want to risk your heart again.

“Except you aren’t staying with me, are you?” He demands. “You’re gonna fuck off back to Texas and maybe tell your friends that you rebounded with some dumb construction worker who knew you from back in the day.” His own fears ride to the surface and he lashes out at you. “Poor son of a bitch actually thought he had a chance and asked you to stay.”

You shake your head, “Joel. No. I- I have to go home because I have an apartment. A job. I can’t just up and leave everything. I want to stay. More than anything in the world but we aren’t kids, we have responsibilities and I have to handle it all before I come back here. I want to stay. More than anything in the world.” You assure him, noticing how tense he is and you feel guilty for not explaining yourself before.

“Whatever.” He’s angry and irrational. A little embarrassed about how he just flung his heart out there. “I’m- I’ve got to get back to work.” He picks up his tool belt off the back of the chair and turns towards the door. Hating how vulnerable you’ve made him feel and how easily you can hurt him.

You want to run after him, scream at him that you love him, that you've always been in love with him. No one has ever made you feel like he does. Instead, you stare at the kitchen counter. You told him you'd come back but he pushed it aside. Maybe it's best that you go home before you destroy the last of your relationship with Joel. You work on packing your things, booking a flight home, and you text Ellie to tell her you are heading home first thing. She tries to call you but you ignore it, wanting to have a glass of wine or two to smother the way your heart aches at leaving Joel again. You never discussed why you left. You never told him and now you doubt you will. You organize your aunt's house, leaving it how you found it and get into bed without Joel.

“You’re a fucking dumbass.” Joel ignores the jab coming from the teenager as he stirs the pan as if it was a mission to whip the water and milk mixture the boxed dinner called for. “Joel? Joel? She’s leaving.” She stresses again. “You know, not being here anymore?” 

Slamming the spoon down, Joel turns around to glare at Ellie. “I fucking know. What do you want me to do about it?” He demands. “She’s a fucking adult. She can go where she wants.” 

The girl’s eyebrows arch up to her forehead and she rears back at the anger in Joel’s tone. “Man, you got it baaaaaaad.” She huffs. “You need to tell her how you feel.” 

Joel snorts. “I have.” He admits, shaking his head. “Doesn’t matter, stay out of it.” 

Ellie harumps at him and crosses her arms. “Go talk to her.” She demands, staring him down and he knows she won’t let this go. 

“Fine.” He grumbles, slapping his hands on his hips to search for his keys. “Won’t do any good, but I’ll go talk to her.”

The doorbell rings and you frown, getting out of bed to see who it is. Hoping it's not Jason coming back. When you see Joel through the peephole, you sigh and open the door. "Hey." You say weakly as you stand there in your pajamas in the doorway.

“Can we talk?” Joel asks, shuffling slightly on the steps and wondering if you would tell him to fuck off. He had overreacted and fucked things up. “Please?”

You nod, stepping aside so he can walk in and you shut the door behind him. “Ellie told you I booked a flight home?” You ask and he nods, pushing his hands into his jeans. “Yeah.” He clears his throat and you bite your lip, taking a moment. “I don’t think you understand me, Joel. I- I don’t want to leave. Ever. If I could stay here forever, I would. But I can’t. Not because I don’t want to. I want to. I have a life back home. A home. A job. I can't abandon that stuff. I have to sort it out and then…I was planning to come back.”

His shoulders round, knowing that he hadn’t heard you say that when he was busy being upset. “I- I’m sorry.” He murmurs quietly, hating being wrong and feeling like he’s fucked things up. “I shouldn’t have- I didn’t hear you say that. I’m- no excuse.” He tells the kid to own up to her mistakes all the time and he should do the same.

You aren’t angry with him, just upset. “I- I never told you the reason why I left when you got married…did I?” You ask and he shakes his head, his hand coming up to run it through his hair. You fiddle with your fingers and lick your lips, giving yourself a moment. “I left because I couldn’t stand to see the man I love be in love with another woman, marry another woman. It tore me apart and I thought it was easier to leave than to watch you live your life without me being the woman you chose to be with. I was so in love with you and you didn’t see it. I had to go.”

“Oh baby.” Joel closes his eyes, pulling his hands out of his pockets so he can pull you close. “I wish you had told me.” It wouldn’t have changed things, he had married her, but maybe he could have kept you as a friend. “We didn’t last a year. She wasn’t the one for me. Not really, and we both knew it.”

You know he wouldn’t change a thing because he had Sarah because he married Helen but you hug him, breathing him in. “You had Sarah so life happens for a reason and you’re here now and I - I still love you. I’m still so damn in love with you, Miller.” You confess as you pull back to look at him.

“I love you.” He murmurs softly. “I - I was going to offer to come to Texas.” He’s not stepped foot in the state since his daughter died and he really didn’t want to go back, but he would for you. “To visit you. It would be hard to move Ellie.”

You caress his cheek, “I won’t be long.” You promise, “I can work remotely so I just gotta head home to pack up and find somewhere here to buy.” You tell him, “I won’t be gone long enough for you to need to visit me. I know you can’t move because of Ellie so I’ll come here. I don’t want to run anymore. I want you.” You promise, leaning in to nudge your nose with his.

“You don’t have to buy anything.” Joel murmurs quietly. “You can move in with me and Ellie.” He knows you might not want to move in with him after your ex cheated on you in your home, but he wants to offer. “No need to waste the money when you’re gonna be in bed with me.”

You smile, pleased that he’s ready to jump all in. “You want me in your bed?” You ask and he nods, “every damn night.” You giggle softly and kiss his lower lip. “As soon as I’m back, I’ll never leave your bed.” You promise, “I’m yours. Forever. If you’ll have me.”

“Baby, I want you.” Joel wraps his arm around you and pulls you close. “I promise you, I want you. Forever. Your asshole ex threw away the greatest thing he ever had and I’m not stupid enough to do the same.”

  ​​

[heavyhitterheaux]

The Marriage Pact Part 6

To Love and to Cherish

AN: It's been a while, but here we go!

Synopsis: Jack’s priority is making sure that you're okay despite your protests and wanting him to keep his distance. Life gets harder for him without you, and he soon comes to a realization that this might have to be his new normal

Pairing: Ex-Fiance!Jack Harlow x Ex-Fiancée!Reader

The Marriage Pact Masterlist

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

Jack was in a daze as he took the steps two at a time after grabbing his keys in order to get to his car. All he could do at this point was hope and pray that you and the baby were okay and he couldn't also help but think that this was entirely his fault. If he had simply done what you asked him to do and been honest from the very beginning, more than likely this wouldn't have happened and the two of you would have been in a good place.

Now it seemed like everything was getting worse by the second.

He got to the hospital in less than ten minutes and stopped at the front desk to find out where you were. Once he got to your room, he walked in to see that your eyes were closed and there were two small cuts, one next to your eye and one below it. Other than that you looked to have been perfectly fine which he was more than thankful for.

Hearing his footsteps, you peeked your right eye open and quickly sighed seeing who it was. He was the absolute last person on earth that you wanted to see, but knew that his coming was inevitable.

“Babe…” He started to say as he reached for you before you immediately cut him off.

“I don't want to hear it.”

“Y/N, I don’t care what you want or don't want to hear. I told you that I didn't want you leaving and now look at what happened. I damn near got into an accident myself trying to get to you to make sure that you were okay!” Jack said clearly frustrated about how you were acting towards him.

“Oh, so it's my fault?”

“That didn't come out of my mouth so where did you even get that from?”

“I really do not want to be around you right now. Wasn't me leaving in the middle of your tour not clear enough? Because if not, I can start from the beginning and call off a list of things that you've done to piss me off.”

“I get it. I get that you’re mad at me and for good reason, but I still need to make sure you're okay and did you forget that you're pregnant now? So that means that I now have two people to worry about.”

“How can I forget when I'm literally throwing up all day, every day? Kind of hard not to.”

“I just… wanted to see if you and the baby were okay. What even happened? And you clearly are, since you’re arguing with me.”

“They're fine. Someone ran a red light and hit me and my car is done for. Now you can leave.” You shot back as you turned to your side to face away from him.

“I'm not going anywhere. I don't give a damn how mad you are at me right now, I'm staying with you to make sure you're okay. Despite what you may think right now, I…” He trailed off and you suddenly looked at him because it caught your attention.

“What were you going to say?”

“I'm still trying to wrap my mind around you telling me that I only asked you to marry me out of desperation when I love you and would do anything for you and you know that. Anything you ask of me I do it for you.”

“Except being completely honest with me.”

“I wish that we could start completely over, but what's done is done and I'm sorry that I betrayed your trust. But, baby you have to believe me when I say that you are the only person that I want. Whatever you need me to do to repair our relationship, I'm willing to do it.”

“I… just don't even know what I need you to do at this point. I think as hard as a decision that this may be, I need to take a step back from you and this relationship.”

“You… you can't be serious. You're pregnant!” Jack exclaimed while gesturing to your belly and you looked at him dumbfounded.

“And? Is that supposed to change anything?”

“It changes literally EVERYTHING. Just please let me fix this. I promise-”

You immediately cut him off not wanting to hear another word.

“You have broken literally every single promise that you have made me since we got engaged and I don't think I even know the person standing in front of me right now and you have no idea how much that hurts me.” You quietly told him as you felt tears prick the corners of your eyes.

“Y/N… you aren't about to say what I think you’re about to say because….”

“I'm breaking up with you and whatever this is or was is over. I'm not going to manage you anymore either. Let Neelam do it because I'm done. I'm not competing for a spot in your life anymore.”

“Y/N you don't mean that! You don't have to compete for anything. It's you, it's always been you. Baby, please don't do this. I will literally-”

“Do anything? Jackman, you've done enough. Too much actually. I love you and you know I always will. But I just… for my peace of mind, my heart can't take being with you right now until you get your shit together.”

“So, you don't want to marry me anymore?” Jack asked and you could see the tears in the corners of his eyes. As much as you wanted for things to go back the way that they were, you couldn't.

“I never said that. I think right now that's not the best idea for either of us. We need to be on the same page and right now we aren't.”

“What can I do to get you to change your mind? I… there has to be something.”

“I'm still going to be in your life, I'm not walking away completely. You did get me pregnant after all.”

“But we won't be together?”

You simply shook your head no at Jack and you were determined to stand your ground and not back down. As much as you wanted to forgive him and be wrapped in his arms, you knew that you deserved better and until he was able to give you that, there was absolutely no reason for the two of you to be together.

You had to let him know that this wasn't acceptable anymore and that if he wanted the two of you to be together that something had to give.

“Baby, please.” Jack pleaded with you as a few tears began to fall, but all you did in response was slip off your engagement ring and hold out your hand towards him as hard as it was and waited for him to take it.

Not believing what he was seeing, he simply shook his head.

“It's rightfully yours, so I want you to keep it. You're the one that I bought it for.”

“Please understand that this doesn't mean that I don't love you because that is as far from the truth as ever.” You quietly said as you grabbed his hand to squeeze it and all he did was nod.

“But we cannot be married and our relationship consists of hiding things from one another.” You added and Jack nodded in agreement.

“And I also have to be able to trust you wholeheartedly. That's my biggest thing.” You continued as Jack started making small circles on the back of your hand.

“I promise to give you all the space and time you need.”

It had been weird.

Weird without you being around Jack and you honestly didn't know how to feel.

He had moved around a few tour dates so that he was able to stay with you for a few days despite your protests. However, he wasn't taking no for an answer.

The very next morning after your car accident, you sent Chris a letter detailing your decision of not managing Jack anymore and ultimately leaving Generation Now. It was rushed and could have been written better, but in your mind the quicker that you got it done, the less likely you would change your mind about your decision. Chris was soon blowing up your phone, but you didn't bother answering it because you knew that he was going to try and convince you to change your mind.

Everything would now be on Neelam's shoulders since you were out of the picture. You didn't wish ill of her or that she would fail at her job because at the end of the day, Jack would be affected. As much as you were upset at him because of his actions, you never wanted anything like that to happen.

The last day that he spent with you before flying back to Europe was somewhat awkward. That was a first because this was the person that you spent the majority of your time with since birth and there had never been a dull moment between the two of you.

This was the first time in his career that you wouldn't be with him and he didn't quite know how to feel about it. As he was getting ready to leave, he simply leaned down to kiss your forehead and lightly caressed your cheek since you were sleeping.

He figured that it would be harder for him to leave in the morning so he decided to leave in the middle of the night. It would be harder because he would physically have to say goodbye to you face to face and he wasn't ready for that. But, he did leave a note for you that you would hopefully see once you woke up.

Y/N,

I had to leave when you were sleeping because it would have been ten times harder for me if not. I take full responsibility for what has happened between us and I hope one day that you can forgive me. It's going to be hard not seeing and being around you every day, but I told you that I would give you all of the space and time that you need. I want you to have a healthy pregnancy for our baby and in order for that to happen, I will do anything you ask because stressing you out is the last thing that I want to do. I love you so much and please understand that I never meant for any of this to happen. I want you to be able to trust me and know that you are my priority. I’m going to prove to you that you made the right choice in saying yes to marrying me and I will wait for however long it takes. We’re going to get through this and I’ll text you when I land.

Love, Jack

Two months or so had passed and you were out at lunch with Maggie and she quickly asked how you were feeling seeing as you were now in month four. Jack would be present at every doctor's appointment either in person or on facetime if he wasn't near Louisville. As much as he wanted to cancel the rest of his tour and stay with you, you wouldn't let him. He worked entirely too hard all year to not see the entire thing through. Your belly was small, but there was definitely something there. Jack had sent a text early this morning to check on you and see how you were feeling and you kept it short and sweet.

You weren't mad at him, not anymore.

But he was far from being in your good graces.

Extremely far.

The two of you were discussing plans about the baby and you told her that when the two of you left that you were actually going to go and do a little light shopping as you were probably going to get a few outfits along with some toys knowing that you will get more than enough when the baby shower rolled around.

“Y/N, where's your ring?” Maggie asked you, catching you off guard as you were showing her the theme that you wanted to do for the baby's room.

You glanced down to look at your bare finger and silently cursed to yourself, forgetting to put it on this morning knowing that she was bound to ask questions.

As far as both of your families knew, the wedding was still on even though that couldn't have been further from the truth. Jack pleaded and begged for you to proceed with it, but you wanted nothing to do with him until he got his shit together.

“And don't lie to me.” Maggie added while eyeing you seeing as you still hadn't responded to her.

“Getting married isn't the best idea for us right now.” You quietly said while playing with your bracelet to distract you.

“Since when?” Maggie asked while trying to get down to the bottom of how her future daughter in law was feeling.

“Sometimes the fairytale turns into a nightmare, but luckily I was able to wake up.” You quietly said before taking a swig of your sprite.

“What did my big headed son do?” Was all you heard as a sigh escaped from her.

“It doesn't even matter at this point. But, just know that I had to take a step back from him. Not because I wanted to, because I needed to.”

“Just know that I'm always going to be here for you. No matter what.” She said while grabbing your hand and squeezing it.

“I appreciate that and I'm going to need it more than ever.”

“And why is that?”

“Jack isn't the only one with talent and I'm done managing him and being in the background. It's my turn to do something for myself.”

–

Jack was high key annoyed and he couldn't wait until the tour was over so that he would be able to go home to Louisville and be with you full time. Well not be with you, obviously since you hadn't forgiven him yet, but he would be closer to you than he was at this very moment. He had gotten a week off during his tour and immediately flew back to Louisville to see you, he sent a text first to let you know he was there and if it was okay to come and see you. By then, you had moved back into your condo, not wanting to be around anything that reminded you of Jack, even though that proved to be impossible.

Neelam was doing a terrible job taking over what you used to do and it had Jack stressed to the tenth level. He was just informed that she had double booked him for something…. again. This had to be the third or fourth time and he was tired of it.

She looked just as stressed as he was and he knew it was an adjustment for her now doing this full time, but something had to give.

“I never had this problem when Y/N was here. Neelam, we cannot keep doing this. How am I supposed to be in two places at once?” He quietly said and all she did was sigh.

“Well I was just thrown into this and now I'm completely by myself so give me some grace and have a little patience.” She shot back as she was scribbling down notes for something.

“You weren't thrown into anything, you had a general idea of what to do and what not to do.”

“Well if you don't want me here, call Y/N since she can obviously do my job a lot better than I can.” Neelam replied frustrated at the attitude that Jack was giving her.

“She doesn't want to talk to me or manage me anymore so you're it.” He muttered as he opened his phone to the text thread between the two of you. Talking every day had basically become non-existent, but he still made sure to check on you a few times a week. At this point, he would take anything that he could get because at least you were talking to him.

But he did make sure to tell you that he loved you in one way, shape, or form every day.

Neelam instantly felt bad once Jack came back and didn't have you with him. Suddenly everything was on her and she highly doubted that you would be willing to help her if she asked you.

Jack had been in a depressed state, which was fair given the circumstances, but he definitely made her job harder most days. She knew that he missed you and knew that you in not so many words broke up with him, were pregnant and did not have a plan on getting back with him any time soon.

Thinking that Jack needed a little pick me up and hoping that you would agree to het idea, she had to work up the nerve to call you later once he was on stage.

“I'll do my best to be better, okay? Chris wouldn't have hired me if I couldn't do my job.”

“It's whatever. I'm going to lay down until I have to head to the venue.”

Neelam quickly nodded and used this as an opportunity to call you once Jack was out of earshot.

She was surprised that you picked up on the second ring.

“Hello?”

“Uh, hey Y/N. It's Neelam.”

“I know, I have caller id. What do you want?” You asked her as you were moving around in your bedroom trying to tidy it up.

“Look, I'm sorry for the way that things went down between us and I overstepped when I shouldn't have.”

“Okay.”

“Um, Jack is just….”

“Just what?” You asked as you stopped in your tracks thinking that something was wrong.

“He needs you, like really needs you. It went from bad to worse, and I just don't know what to do anymore. He barely leaves his bed most days.”

“And what am I supposed to do all the way in Louisville?”

“Well maybe just talk to him? Or even come and see him?”

“And say what Neelam? He made his bed and now he has to lie in it and deal with the consequences. I love him and he knows that I love him, but every time that he has a problem, I cannot always run to him and save the day. He doesn't have much longer and he's just going to have to deal with it as harsh as that may sound.”

“Well can you just think about it? That might be what he needs to finish this out strong.”

“I'll see him once he gets back to Louisville. Talk to you later.”

As Jack was in his hotel room laying down and staring at the ceiling, there was a knock on his door. Removing the comforter from his body, he made his way over to the door and opened it to see Urban staring back at him.

“Uh hey.” Urban quietly said as Jack moved to the side to let him in.

Ever since Jack returned from being with you in Louisville, Urban was trying to be as supportive as he possibly could. He necessarily didn't see this coming the way that everything went down, but he wasn't going to throw it in his best friend's face when he was already not at his best. This what he had been afraid of from the very beginning.

Urban sat down on the couch that was in the far left corner of the room as Jack came and sat next to him.

“What if she changed her mind and doesn't want to marry me anymore?” Jack asked as he broke the silence.

“Did she tell you that?”

“No, but I can't be so sure. I didn't cherish her and I took the love that she has for me for granted. I told her that I would give her as much space and time that she needs, but we're about to have an entire kid and she can barely stand to be in the same room as me.”

“Just give her time. This is Y/N that we're talking about. You know the one who has known you since you were eight days old?”

“As much as I want to, I don't think that giving her time will be enough.”

[katerinaaqu]

The Humanity of Odysseus: Fear, Pity and Honor (an analysis based on Sophocles's "Ajax")

This analysis has been suggested/requested by my amazing friend @artsofmetamoor with whom we are dealing with various of projects, mainly W.I.T.C.H high fantasy related material! Please visit her profile and check her amazing art!

So as you see from various accounts and much more my recent analysis in regards to whether Odysseus is someone without actual essence of right or wrong, we have one of the few cases in which we have a more complicated Odysseus rather than the usual anti-hero figure we have in post-homeric tradition. Sophocles in his tragedy "Ajax" tells the story of Telamonian Aias, how he lost his sanity when he became furious that the armor of Achilles was not given to him. It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that Odysseus opens and closes the tragedy by being in both the first and the last scene. In the first scene we have one of the most hilarious (and daresay extremely modern even for today's standards) dialog between Athena and himself. Athena has just explained to Odysseus what happened to Aias and then proceeds to call him, earning this HILARIOUS reaction by Odysseus!

Odysseus: What are you doing, Athena?! Don't call him to come out! Athena: Easy there! (Lit: Hold up, or Keep your posture), are you taken over by cowardice? Odysseus: Don't, by gods! If you please, let him stay inside! Athena: What's the matter? Isn't he the same man he was? Odysseus: A man who was an enemy, especially now

(Translation by me)

Okay, other than the fact we have the absolutely HILARIOUS moment of Athena going in a "What are you? Chicken?" mode with Odysseus (which has me laughing to this day!) we also have an increasingly panicking Odysseus! From the moment he hears Athena go "Hey, Ajax!" from outside you can almost see him jumping out of his skin! We even have him go increasingly more panicked when he says "By gods, don't!" like the last thing he wants is to come face to face with a 2m tall behemoth of a man who not only has a personal grudge against him but also now he is mad and murderous. And his anxiety is also shown by some low-key homor he does even when Athena talks again:

Athena: Certainly isn't it the sweetest taunt, the taunt of one's enemy? Odysseus: For me is enough that he stays inside his chambers! Athena: Are you afraid to see the madman? Odysseus: I wouldn't be so terrfied of him if he were sane (Lit: If he were in fact, sane, I would lift my fear) Athena: But now he won't see you being present near Odysseus: How? If he sees with his own eyes?

(Translation by me)

Okay we have once more Athena being cheeky (like a very interesting trope) basically sayng "why? don't you want to laugh at your enemy?" and Odysseus answering with equal humor in a "thanks but no thanks!" manner! Like "nah I'll pass!" but I find it also interesting how honestly Odysseus speaks with Athena. If other people call him coward he retaliates and in fact most of the time he is prudent but now he is truly terrified and he is not afraid to admit that to Athena who, let's face it, knows his soul. He is so afraid to the point of forgetting that gods can do stuff humans find impossible and he even asks her how she would achieve that Aias won't see him. He doesn't ask if she will protect him. He asks HOW she'll do it! XD

Athena: I will darken his eyes so he won't see clearly Odysseus: Indeed, everything is possible when the gods are acting Athena: Then, be silent now and stay where you are! Odysseus: I'll stay: even if I'd rather be anywhere but here!

(Translation by me)

Honestly...I love this to no ends! Odysseus finding some composture in a "Oh! Right!" mode as he remembers it's Athena we are talking about, Athena basically be like "Shut up and stay still!" mode as if she talks to a dog and Odysseus whom I can so imagine mumbling that last part to himself is just an amazingly human roller coaster for Odysseus who even if he has the wits that all people would wish to have, he still is blocked by fear like everyone else. And then we have another amazing detail and scene here;

Aias comes out in all his mad glory, covered in blood of the sheep he killed and holding a bloody whip. Athena asks him questions and Aias answers how he ellegedly killed the greeks and how he captured Odysseus in his tent! He then proceeds speaking on the gruesome death he has in store for his rival, that he wil whip him to death (And again cheeky Athena inserting some dark humor like "Don't hit the poor man too hard!") She then turns to Odysseus as if expecting praise! She basically asks him "Well? What do you think of the power of the gods?"

And how does Odysseus respond?

Odysseus: Well, I don't know of anyone: however I pity him, the poor man, even if he is an enemy, for he is taken over by this devastating delusion. Neither do I think myself better than this purpose; I can see that we who live are nothing more than deaf shadows.

(Translation by me)

Not only does he recover from the shock and fear even after he heard all the horrendous things mad Aias wants to do to him but he now pities Aias; He knows he used to be a powerful dignified king who is now reduced to a shadow of himself in madness and he pities his condition but he also PUTS HIMSELF IN HIS SHOES! He sees that he as well can easily become him! He admits that he doesn't feel any better than him, that he is also weak before the gods and he even speaks on how humans basically are pointless, temporary existences on earth compared to the immortals.

Athena even closes the scenes with a threat. She threats Odysseus never to be blasphemous to the gods because the gods can do this and much more to a man. In a way we also have a foreshadowing or an "easter egg" of the Odyssey here. In a way that threat or warning coming out of Athena coming in place.

However his humanity for his elleged enemy doesn't stop there for later he is the only one of the offended party of greeks to actually insist upon allowing Aias to be buried with honor. I will not speak on the moments where he says some of the most iconic things like "I hated him when it was honorable to hate him" which was done by another tumblr creator @ilions-end here

The clip that this analysis talks about is not his unparalleled diplomatic nature but rather the humaity that we analize here. And some of the phrases he uses to put himself in Aias's shoes as well as the people who love him and want to see him get honors after death. One of the phrases he uses, which seems to reflect to the words he gives to his wetnurse Euryclea (you can see in my other analysis) in which basically he advises her not to take pleasure upon the face of death. Sophocles seems to place a similar word to his mouth here with:

Odysseus: Do not rejoice, Son of Atreus, to take benefit from something not good

(Translation by me)

Basically Odysseus here shows once more the other side of his; the need to be just to others. He advises Agamemnon that he should never be happy by taking revenge with an unholy act such as leaving someone without a decent funeral. Despite the fact that in Iliad for example in the heat of battle he often threatened to leave someone without a funeral, in reality here in a calm environment he realzes that one must be just before the gods. Despite the fact that Aias threatened to do unspeacable things to him, he seems to recognize not only his pain and misery but also the nobility of his spirit to which he feels sorry to see derranged like that. Odysseus KNOWS it is not noble or right to leave someone yet alone such an honorable man without a funeral and he knows the consequences of that act would anger the gods and make them become something they ellegedly should be looking down upon.

Odysseus advises against feeling joy with such type of revenge.

Of course one can argue that it would be for his own personal benefit as well to do some last act of kindness to the man that felt wronged by the decision to hand the arms of Achilles to him (and depending on the source seems that the anger was quite righteous). However it seems to me that it is his genuine drive to do it right at least in the end, in a way showcasing one more time the complexity of character in Odysseus; a man who often makes severe mistakes or even brings controversy to the table but at the same time he has a large fose of humanity inside him and a strong will to make things right

Quite frankly Sophocles is ranking as one of my favorite post-homeric sources for Odysseus's persona and inspiration apart from my top favorite Homeric version exactly for this reason. Because we can experience the many different human emotions of this character called Odysseus of Ithaca! In this one play we see Odysseus freeze in fear even his mind having trouble to work for a second in his worry, then he experiences pity and compassion for the man that had murderous intentions towards him and finally the final tribute to that said man; having surpassed all the previous carousel of emotions he experienced and finally seeing clearly what is the right decision to make.

But what do you guys think? Let me know! ^_^

[skyfallscotland]

So this has been in my head all day and I just had to get it out. I don't know if I'll just leave it here or uh...yeah. @justallihere I want you to know you're taking FULL responsibility for this nonsense. This is your fault 🫡

(consider this some AU world where Tyrrendor successfully seceded years ago, Xaden is king, and they have their own riders academy but Tairn still bonded Violet because he lives to make Xaden's life difficult, also...violet/cam/liam has a certain appeal to it...no, someone stop me)

“You know you can enjoy yourself while you’re here.” Violet Sorrengail says judgementally. “If you’re forced to follow me around, you may as well have some fun.” 

“I’m not forced to follow you around.” He replies immediately, shifting on his feet as his eyes scan the dark tavern, noting each of the patrons lingering by the bar. It’s true he’s not. His brother had asked and he had accepted. It’s the least he can do while they try and figure out how to deal with this—the mess that Tairn has caused, bonding a rider from Navarre.

“Sure you’re not.” There’s that judgemental tone again.

“Perhaps I just enjoy your company.” He tosses back, a hint of flirtation in his voice. Violet eyes his boyish grin before snorting, shaking her head as she picks up her drink—some sweet-looking lavender concoction. 

“And if I decide to enjoy someone else’s?” She challenges, a hint of conceit in her voice as she leans around him, nodding her head. “Like maybe Prince Cam’s? He’s been watching me since we got here.”

Liam’s head whips around and he instinctively moves to the side, shielding Violet’s body with his own as his eyes search out Navarre’s third prince. It takes a moment to find him, shrouded in darkness where he sits in the far corner of the tavern, boot on his knee as he nurses a glass of bourbon, his posture unnervingly relaxed. 

He can’t quite make out the other man’s eyes across the room, but he knows from memory they’re a deep forest green, just like the rest of his family. “Yeah, totally fine with it.” Violet says sarcastically, drawing his attention back to her. She looks pointedly at his torso and the way it’s shifted automatically to shield her from the prince’s view. 

“I’m not forced to do anything.” He insists, dragging his attention back to their conversation. “But I am here to keep you safe and that,” he shifts his eyes back to Cam, “is not safe for you—not anymore.” 

It’s entirely out of her control—out of all theirs—but Violet Sorrengail is now the key to taking down Tyrrendor, so regardless of how she might feel about it, he’s going to protect her and that means not going anywhere near Navarrian royalty. “I’ll go and see what he wants.” Liam says sternly, his hand on the shorter girl’s shoulder. “Go back to your friends.” 

Her jaw tightens and she opens her mouth like she might protest, but clearly thinks better of it. “Fine.” She rolls her eyes, swiping up her drink and turning on her heel. She tosses one final glance over her shoulder towards the dark corner the subject of their conversation is in, but otherwise doesn’t falter, storming back over to her squad.

He watches, waiting for her to be safely ensconced between Rhiannon and Ridoc before striding slowly to the other side of the tavern, moving easily through the Saturday evening revelry until he’s standing over a man he’s only ever seen in passing.

“Liam Mairi.” The prince’s lips tick up. He drags his eyes up over Liam’s frame as the blond rider does the same. He’s sprawled out in the chair, relaxed as could be, his knees slightly spread as he takes a long draw of liquor. “Come to threaten me away from Sorrengail?” 

“You know who I am.” It’s half statement, half question. 

“I made it my business to know.” He taps his fingers on the table in front of him. “A Tyrrish citizen attending Basgiath War College? That sort of news travels fast.” 

Liam crosses his arms over his chest. “What do you want?”

Cam’s lips tick up like that’s something amusing. “Many things.” He pauses for a moment, studying Liam’s face. “Where’s your king?” 

Liam tenses. “In Aretia. Obviously.” He tries to appear as relaxed as the prince in front of him, but he’s certain he fails. “Xaden has a country to run, unlike…some.” His tone is mocking, challenging in a way he should probably refrain from, given his status as a diplomatic representative. 

“Yes, it’s terrible being third in line. I really detest having all this free time to do whatever I like, truly.” He downs the rest of the bourbon in his glass, dropping it onto the table. “Tell me, does she know?” He climbs to his feet, circling around the table slowly, like a predator. “Do you plan on filling her in? After all, it’s only fair given the danger it puts her in—being bound to your king.”

“She doesn’t know.” Liam lowers his voice threateningly, “and you’re not going to tell her.” Blue meet forest green in a fierce glare. “Interesting that you do though,” he moves closer until there’s only an inch or two separating them. “I guess that means you’re just like the rest of your family—happy to sit back and watch the world burn.” 

That gets a reaction out of him, the younger man stepping forward with a snarl on his lips. “You know nothing about me.” He looks up into Liam’s eyes. “You riders always think yourselves so superior to everyone else.” His voice drops to a low murmur, barely audible over the revelry of the tavern. “Just because I’m not flying around on the back of a dragon, doesn’t mean I’m doing nothing.”

He’s slightly shorter than Liam but just as well built and when he steps further into the blond’s space, Liam can’t help but look. His sandy brown hair is immaculately styled, his clothes are clean and pressed, and when he glances down even the man’s boots shine. It’s obvious he doesn’t belong here but…there’s something in the way the other man holds himself—with a spine of steel—that stirs something within him. That same steel is reflected in his eyes. 

“So what are you doing?” He murmurs, the corner of his lips quirking up mockingly. “What’s your plan to help fight a war your family would stop at nothing to keep quiet?” Cam’s jaw is clenched, like he’s fighting to keep something in, rather than speak his mind. Almost against his will, Liam’s hand rises, his fingers sliding over the scruff on the other man’s jawline as he cups it gently. “All that power and what do you have to show for it?”

Cam’s lips part, his eyes roving over the blond’s face. “Nothing I can talk about here.” His green eyes are hard, unflinching as he tilts his head, pressing his cheek into Liam’s hand.

“Are you asking to get me alone?” The Tyrr’s lips curve up in a smirk.

“Would you like that?” The prince fires back.

He would actually. The shock of that revelation has him faltering, his usually unflappable composure dissipating as he stares down at the slow, arrogant smile spreading across full pink lips. 

“Tell your king I want to speak to him, Mairi.” The younger man whispers, reaching up to lace his fingers through Liam’s before removing the blond’s hand from his face. It feels like it takes an eternity for their hands to separate, his fingers sliding purposefully over Liam’s own. “Whenever that dragon of his drags him back here.” The prince turns to leave, his torso brushing Liam’s as he slides past him, far too close for it to be considered accidental. 

“And where will you be until then?” Liam enquires, his eyes dark.

Cam looks over his shoulder, a smirk on his lips. “I’ll be around.” He disappears into the crowd, going unnoticed by the rest of the taverns patrons and Liam watches him go, a dangerous, terrible curiosity stirring in his chest. 

He remains frozen for a moment, unmoving until a flash of silver catches his eye and he shakes it off, striding across the floor to rejoin his new squad.

“That looked like it went well.” There’s laughter in Violet Sorrengail’s voice and a hint of arrogance as she ribs him. “I’m glad you took care of it.” A sarcastic grin slides over her face as she lifts her drink to her lips. “I’m fine here if you need to take care of anything else.”

He stares at her, unimpressed. “Very funny.”

“Mhmm.” She hums, her eyes dancing with mischief. “First time with a man?” This woman is entirely too smart for her own good and it’s only going to cause him more and more headaches as time goes on, he just knows it. 

“I’m not into men.” He shuts her down. 

“You’re a consummate flirt, Liam Mairi.” She laughs. “I refuse to believe that.” 

But he’s not lying. Consummate flirt he may be, but he’s never been interested in anyone of the male gender…until now. Liam knows himself and his own mind well. He’s not into men, but Navarre’s third prince and his quiet arrogance, his ridiculously green eyes and the way his skin feels beneath Liam’s hands? That…that he may be into. 

Shit. 

[whitebookposts]

*skitters towards your ask box autistically* do you have any teth headcanons :3

OH MY GOD I JUST REALIZED ITS BEEN A FEW WEEKS AND I STILL HAVEN'T ANSWERED THIS. I AM SO SORRY I LIVE IN SHAME EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Anyway, Teth! Our deeply beloved forest cryptid. I have to be honest, I don't have as many headcanons about her as I do about some of my other fave elders, which is a thing I should work to change because Teth is awesome. But here are some I do have for now:

CAAAAT I think my good buddy @krillking has already spoken about Teth having cat traits in his animal elder post, but yeah. While in my headcanons, the animal traits are less defined, Teth still very much has cat behavior, like her irises widening or narrowing like a cat's, and she likes to sleep in the sun (which is trouble because. Forest is 90 percent clouds and rain. Thankfully she has the yard behind her temple and the sunny forest segment, though due to the whole thing happening in the kingdom, she could visit those comfort places less and less :<) and most importantly - purring. Which she is a bit shy about, so she rarely does it. If you get to catch her purr, it means that she trusts you enough to do it next to you, though she will still be embarrassed if you mention it out loud. (Also do not leave her anywhere near fancy furniture she will try to rip it with her claws. Yes, lamed learned it the hard way.)

TRANSGENDAAAAAAAAA Idk how to explain it but Teth is just so transfem coded. Goes by both she\her and they\them. It just makes so much sense that I don't even need any proof to know that, she has told me this herself. Gotta give @dogedepan for this one though since I stole this idea from her (like many others. Can't help it Chi your headcanons are awesome)

BEEFCAKE Let's be real, TGC is a bunch of cowards for making her slim. How can you look at this woman, who is a blacksmith, and can catch a giant flying hammer with one arm like it's no big deal, and not think that they have some impressive muscle? If you draw Teth buff I am forever in your debt. PLEASE I WANT TO SEE MORE BUFF TETH ART PLEA-

BESTIE Teth and Ayin are literally fated besties, be they platonic or romantic. Even in early concept art, Ayin was described as "Teth's friend" and held the key to her realm, just showing the level of trust between them. Their realms also work with each other really well, with Ayin being the main supply for Teth's factories which is what allowed her realm to grow. I like to think of them being childhood best friends, and that they have been by each other's side through the good and the bad. Remember that headcanon about Teth enjoying sleeping in sunny places? Prairie is perfect for that, and if she decides to take a nap while visiting it is no rarity for her to choose Ayin as a bed for that (soft). I don't really see em as romantic because I already ship Teth with someone else, but as an aromantic person, it's important for me to show intimacy like that even between friendships. Ayin is always there to lend an ear to Teth, being there for her through her worst, and Teth is Ayin's "EXCUSE ME THEY ASKED FOR NO PICKLES". Although, if we go to the sadder territory, their friendship did suffer a falling out during the turbulent era of the kingdom, with Teth closing off from everyone, including Ayin, too caught in her work and darkstone production to meet the ever-growing demands, and that led to Ayin also drowning in work to keep up the light supply. That is not to mention the different world views about light creatures and how worthy they are of preservation.

CRYBABY I just like to think that despite appearing cold and serious, Teth is a very gentle soul underneath the hard facade she forced herself to create due to her position. But if you get to know her you will find a very soft, shy, and caring heart that makes it easy for her eyes to water, be it a happy or sad occasion, even if she is trying to hide it. She is also a pretty big introvert and starts getting nervous during events with big crowds, esp if they have to do a speech as an elder or something. This gentleness and softness hidden behind a cold surface is one of the things that attracted Priestess to her, which leads me to the next point:

LESBIANNNNNN You may know this already but I'm a big PriesTeth truther, which is the ship between Priestess (the original elder of the Valley from concept art, never made it to the final game but there is a pretty popular fanon that she is the mother of the twins) and Teth. Again, I was enlightened about this ship thanks to @dogedepan she is literally the CEO of this ship god bless. I know it's a bit silly to ship her with an elder who never even made it to canon, but I fell in love with the dynamic of the "serious and cold at first glance but soft and gentle on the inside x extroverted, energetic and mischievous but deeply caring and kind" that exists between them. Priestess was Teth's firework, the bright and colorful in the grey and cold of her life. Never had the elder of the Forest loved someone like she did this bright, giggly, and open girl who managed to always make Teth smile. And it hurt all the more when Priestess was lost. After the death of her partner, Teth closed off completely, lost in her work, just to not feel the pain because the grief was overwhelming. She couldn't make herself go to her backyard anymore, because it was the connection between Valley and her forest and where the two met most of the time, being there was just too painful. Some ancestors say that the rain became much more frequent after this loss.

Milf As I ship priesteth, I also headcanon that Teth is the other parent of Sah and Mekh. Unfortunately, their relationship is very rocky. Priestess died when the two were very young, and due to Teth being too lost in her grief, she simply couldn't care for them, causing the two to be raised by other elders (mainly Tsadi, who is their uncle) and kicked around from temple to temple until they were old enough to live on their own. This caused feelings of betrayal and neglect in the two, and it came to the point that they rarely acknowledged Teth as their other parent anymore. And she feels too guilty before them to try and get them back because she believes she deserves this for her mistakes. But perhaps not everything is lost, and some of this relationship can be salvaged if she finally gets brave enough to reach out.

WORSTIE She and Tsadi have a beef. That's it that's the headcanon. It's not anything serious, it's literally a "cat and dog" type of beef, the two can't even tell when it started, it's just that both will use any opportunity to roast each other. Why do I have this headcanon? Because it's funny.

INSANE SITUATIONSHIP Let's just say that the situationship between Teth and Nesting guide still left the latter one staring at her pictures every day for hours.

Hobbies Other than being a blacksmith, Teth enjoys all types of crafts, like sculpting from clay or woodworking. Girlie doesn't need any IKEA, she can make all the furniture herself (I mean, the Nesting guide had to learn this from someone)

Anddddd.... That's all for now! There's probably more headcanons but I can't remember them all rn. I hope these were written good enough and sorry for any grammar mistakes! AND SORRY FOR MAKING YOU WAIT SO LONG I PROMISE I DIDN'T IGNORE YOU DJHGDJGDJ Teth is best forest mama, and I really should put more thought into her, thank you for sending me this ask so i can brainstorm about this gal.

[saintsenara]

Heyy, just came back from reading your analysis for remadora and snupin, and I just wanted to say THANK YOU for speaking the truth no one else seems to aknowledge.

First of all, Tonks is a queen and neither Remus or Sirius held a candle against her. I agree that their relationship wasn't at all perfect, that there were many topics to be discussed and explored there, and let's be honest, Remus isn't exactly healthy boyfriend material, regardless of his age.

Which takes me to my point. I love some fluffy snupin fic with a sweet and regretful Remus as much as the next person, mostly because it feeds my joy on seeing him actually beating himself for his mistakes and how he was as much of a bully to Severus as the rest of them. I want Severus's pain and the role Remus played in it to be acknowledged in their relationship.

However, I also want to see some good canon compliant snupin fic where Remus Lupin is presented as the low-key cruel and dark asshole we know he is. I don't buy that he only remained with the marauders because he didn't want to be alone, hell nah, that was Peter. Remus enjoyed their shenanigans and the pranks just as much, and I bet he was the mastermind behind a lot of them. I believe he was the only one who had some guilty conscience afterwards, but it wasn't nearly enough to make him re-consider.

I want some snupin fic where their dynamic follows the one we see in canon. Severus being terrified of Lupin and traumatized after what happened in the Shack, I want Lupin to low-key get off his fear because it makes him feel superior to the usually composed and indiferent Snape. I want Lupin to have been weirdly fixated with Severus since their school years and that's why he never stopped the pranks, because he enjoyed seeing the other boy under their mercy. I want Lupin to "hunt" him as both a teenager and as they're both professors in Hogwarts. Back when i read the books, I always thought his behaviour with Severus, both when they interacted and when Lupin talked about him with others, was kinda fruity. Like, what's up with than enthusiasm to see him wearing woman's clothes? How come he's the only one who refers to him "Severus" when everyone else, except for Dumbledore, calls him Snape? Yeah, it always felt weird to me.

In short, I simply think their canon compliant dynamic would be much more interesting if taken in consideration for fanfics. I love the whole "prey/predator" dynamic they could have.

ahh, thank you so much, anon! i'm delighted that you enjoyed my thoughts on both snupin and remadora - there are dozens of us!

[and i'd like to also draw your attention to this excellent addendum to the remadora point by @evesaintyves - i think it's really important for all of us remadora fans to be vigilant about challenging a tone which is far too prevalent in our conversations that to think about tonks - and lupin - as queer devalues them and their relationship within a canon-coherent setting.]

and yes - absolutely - i love seeing the messiness and thorniness of lupin explored - in snupin or otherwise - by stories which engage with the ruthlessness which lurks beneath his mask of benign affability. bring me the story which really gets into lupin describing his midnight jaunts with the lads in full werewolf form as "the best times of my life" - and clearly never being anywhere near as sorry about the risk he was running as he makes out in prisoner of azkaban...

[and also the fact that it doesn't seem quite as clear to me as i once thought it did that he didn't know anything about the werewolf prank...]

and i think there's an enormous amount of potential in using the longstanding cruelty which is tangible in snape and lupin's dynamic as a vehicle to bring down the mask behind which he lives - and that his relationship with his own sexuality is a really interesting example of that.

there's a homophobic undercurrent to a lot of the marauders' bullying of snape - the nickname "snivellus", for example, is based in the idea of snape being improperly masculine - which endures into the adult lupin and sirius' relationship with him [sirius' comment about snape being lucius malfoy's "lapdog" is him insinuating a sexual relationship between them in which snape is implied to be the receptive partner; lupin obviously thinks that snape would regard being made to cross-dress as humiliating and emasculating].

and while i love the portrayal of the wizarding world in fics as some sort of queer utopia - because i love the escapism of it - the evidence we have from canon is that this is... a pretty far-fetched thing to say about a society which is so obsessed with blood and lineage and the continuation of both of these things.

someone like lupin, who already depends so much on maintaining a mask of "civility" and conformity because of the precarious status his lycanthropy confers upon him in the eyes of the state strikes me as someone who would really struggle to acknowledge himself as queer in any way without thinking of that queerness as deviant and as dangerous to him.

[which is such an underrated remadora premise - tonks is clearly much more comfortable with being experimental and explorative in how she engages with the world. you could have so much fun with the impact tonks' relationship to her own queerness would have on lupin's relationship to his.]

lupin discovering snape is queer - and the combined fear and desire this might inspire in him, and how this would be received by snape, who is still so hung up on being afraid of and humiliated by him - could be a really complex and tangled premise for a story.

which i think you may have just offered to write...

[venusxsturnio]

KNOCK ON WOOD

PAIRINGღ matt x equestrian!fem!reader

SUMMARYღ today is the big tournament. but what happens when y/n slips up, and forgets to knock on wood?

FROM VENUSღ hi guys! do y'all like my stuff fr? be honest. lmk what y'all think. ✿ btw this was a request. lowkey i don't even know how horse racing even works...so lmk if i got sumthin wrong, but remember my requests are always open! and remember i love criticism. :)

WARNINGSღ cussing...fluff...danger...injuries..

proofread!

5:26 am

i was awoken by the sound of my alarm going off. i reached over to my nightstand to grab my phone. i stopped the alarm as i got out of bed. i made my way to the bathroom to get ready for the day. oh shit- i almost forgot today was the tournament. how could i forget today was the biggest day of my entire career?

i rushed out of the bathroom to my room. i grabbed some sweats and a hoodie and threw them on. i went back in the bathroom to finish my routine before heading downstairs. i grabbed my purse, keys, and phone. i practically ran out of the house as i made my way to my car. i started the car and pulled out of the driveway. i propped my phone up in the phone holder and facetimed matt.

the phone rung once before i saw matts big smile in the camera. "Hey babe!" matt yelled. "Well someone's excited." i said playfully rolling my eyes. "Aren't you?" matt asked as a confused expression appeared on his face. "Yeah..." i dragged not wanting to finish that sentence. "Yeah...what?" matt said pushing the conversation. "I just don't want anything bad to ha-" i couldn't even finish my sentence before matt so rudely interrupted me.

"Y/N Y/L/N, take it back right now! Knock on wood!" matt screamed at me. "Take what back? You didn't even let me finish. And plus I don't have wood anywhere near me right now." i said trying to hold back a laugh, but failing badly. matt scolded me "Y/n I'm serious. If something bad happens to you I'll never forgive myself." matt exclaimed. "Ok. Fine I'll find some later." i said, my laughter dying down.

"Ok I'm pulling in. I'll see you when you get here ok?" i said gathering my things. "I'm already here." matt said calmy. my eyes widened at matts comment. "WHAT?! You're here already? It doesn't start till like...7." i said with a shocked expression spread across my face. "I'm your #1 supporter, of course I'm here early. And plus I wanted to get a good seat." matt said smiling from cheek to cheek. "I cannot believe they let you in. Anyways I'll see you later ok? I have to get ready." i said grabbing my phone as i stepped out of my car, locked it and started making my way towards the arena...

"Alright babe, see you later! You'll do AMAZING! I love you." matt said eagerly. "I love you too." i said as i hung up the phone and stuffed it in my purse. i made my way towards my dressing room. i unlocked it and entered. i froze in shock. a bouquet of roses, it had to be at least a hundred. i made my way towards the flowers, and picked up a card. 'From Matt' it read 'You'll do great! I love you so much! Even if you don't win, I'll always support you! :)' my eyes lit up as i read the message. this must be why he got here so early...i placed the note down on my vanity, as i went to my clothing rack and got into my uniform.

6:48 am

i finished getting ready as i made my way out to the stables. i went to the one with my name on it, as i approached my horse 'Lila' and petted her head. "Hey hun, how you doin?" i gave her a little kiss on the head, as she grunted. "I know right. Me too." i said responding to her grunt. "You ready?" i said unlocking her stable door, hooking on to her leash and leading her out of the stables.

we made our way to the arena doors. behind those doors were the other horses and their jockeys. and there were also fans, bettors, and the media. i looked at lila and took a deep breath. in and out. i reached for the handle and opened the door. as soon as we walked through all you heard was screaming and cheering.

me and lila took our place in our lane. i saddled myself onto her and straightened myself up. i looked around the crowd, as my eyes slowly approached matts. i gave him a big smile and waved. he returned the energy. i mouthed 'i love you', i guess he caught on, because he started blowing me kisses. i shook my head and chuckled a little.

soon the ref came on the loud speakers as he started to announce the race and racers. when he said mine and lilas name everyone cheered the loudest they every have. i smiled of embarrassment, but the good kind. the ref started the count down, and before i knew it we were off.

me and lila started off strong, we were in second place. i held on as tight as i could, until my foot slipped out of the buckle. i switched my view from my foot to the track as i tried to quickly place my foot back where it belonged. we were coming up on a sharp turn, and my body started to shift. i felt myself slipping. i tried my best to grip onto lilas reigns.

next thing i know, i'm rolling on the track. everything stopped. the noise. the horses. everyone. all i heard were silent whispers, and cameras flashing. my eyesight started to dim, my vision started to become blurry as i held my arm in pain. my legs found their way to my chest. before my vision fully went out. i could see a silhouette that somewhat looked like matt. then my vision turned black.

MATT POV

y/n was doing good. but then i noticed something wrong with her. her leg had slipped out of the buckle and she was struggling to put it back on. i stood from my seat and made my way down to the ref. i was trying to let him know what was going on, but then out of the corner of my eye, i saw y/n rolling off the track field. my eyes widened at the sight of y/n on the ground in pain.

i tried to run to her but the security quickly caught up to me. the grabbed my arms and were pulling me back. i punched one, and then the other. i ran from the stadiums, and onto the track field, up to y/n. "Oh my god! SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE!" i screamed. i felt tears forming in my eyes, as salty, warm streaks fell down my cheeks.

people started coming to us. and crowding us with questions. i picked up y/n bridal style and pushed our way through the large crowd. i ran from the arena and to the gates. luckily the ambulance was already here. i let the nurses carry her onto the gurney and hooked her up to a bunch of IV and needles.

i hopped in the truck with them. holding y/ns hands the whole ride to the hospital. we sped all the way to the hospital. once we made it there, we rushed inside, and ran to an emergency room. "She's got a bruised rib and arm." one nurse yelled out to another. "I need an IV stat. Get me a crash UCV cart. For emergencies." i couldn't believe this was happening.

9:08 am

i had my head down. resting on my arms as my hands held y/ns. i was just hoping that she would wake up. she can't leave me like this. i felt shuffling in the hospital bed. i picked up my head and looked at y/ns pale sweaty body.

Y/NS POV

"Matt?" i said trying to sit up, but immediately falling right back down, due to my injuries. i winced in pain. "No lay down. You're hurt." matt said sympathetically. "What the hell happened?" i asked my voice sounding hoarse. "Well you were racing. Good as hell I might add. But then I noticed that your foot slipped out. I went to tell the ref, but then you fell. I ran to help you and then the security stopped me. I punched the hell out of their asses. And then I picked you up, ran to the ambulance, and we came here. You had me worried as hell, Y/n" matt said rambling on about the incident. i loved when he did that. it meant that he cared.

"Well I'm fine now aren't I?" i said sarcastically. matt scoffed trying to hold back his laugh. i rolled my eyes playfully. i used the arm that wasn't broken, and lifted it up to his face. i caressed his cheeks softly. he leaned in on my forehead as he gave me and sweet, smooth kiss. matt retreated back from my forehead, and looked at me with love in his eyes. "I guess you should have knocked on wood."

FROM VENUSღ y'all. HOW WAS IT?!?! y'all see what i did there? at the end? matt being such a gentleman the whole story just fascinates me. don't forget requests/dm's are open :)

credits: @hearts4tatemcrae and @sturnad thank you!

[cypheroo]

I'll forever see you | Garroth Ro'Meave ~☆

"Cyyyyyppphhhhhiieeee Your favorite shooting star has a reqquueeesssttt for yooouuuuuu/lh May I pretty please with a cherry on top, humbly beg for a fic of Laurance and/or Garroth caring for a reader who gets worked to the bone often and very rarely is supported by their family? Mcd or mys i don't mind either way :3(Can you tell i am. Very tired? LSMDNAMl)-⭐”

Word count : 1,160

Tw : none :D but it isnt totally cannon? IDK

AN : I'M SORRY ⭐I REALLY AM! IT'S A LITTLE SHORTER BUT I REALLY TRIED PUTTING LESS STORY IN AND MORE CARE IG? Also I'm sorry! I wish I could take all the stuff off your plate and let you rest! Take care ⭐!

You had to finish this, you had to finish this paper, then you'd need to finish the next paper, then the next, and the next. God you didn't even feel like you were anywhere near close to being finished at all, that didn't even account for your piling chores you had been putting off. The dishes looked steep and your next choice of clean clothes was getting harder to find, you just had so many things you had to get done and eventually finish. The world was too fast for you and it was tiring, it didn't help that your family was less than helpful, often brushing the work you had to do off, or downright ignoring your growing issues and need of help. You wanted to cry, you felt so alone and like no one would help you or show you even an ounce of empathy. Garroth was out on some mission lady aphmau sent him on, aphmau was busy with being a whole lord, your family couldn't care less, friends were worried for themselves and it left you feeling so useless and sad for your own situation. You laid your head on your desk, groaning wishing it could all be over. That was until you heard a small and soft “honey?” next to your ear. 

While it was true, he was out looking for collecting information for lord aphmau, garroth had only recently came back to phoenix drop, and he couldn't just go back to his home, he had to come see you, he had to come make sure the one he held so dear was still smiling like he loved so much, and maybe he wanted to steal a kiss or two. You brought out the fun side of Garroth, the side of him that he didn't even know he still had, the side that made him do these small romantic things for you, he'd bring the moon to you if you so desired it. Your presence calmed him and you became the oxygen he needed to live, hence why being apart hurt him so much, he longed for you those two weeks he was gone, he wanted your warmth in his arms, he wanted to feel your fingers trail through his hair, and he needed to hear your kind voice once again.

It was easy to get into your home, you had given him a key afterall. You were always one to welcome him into your space. So as soon as he closed the door as softly as he could he slipped off his shoes and helmet, setting them in their respective places, he expected you to be asleep, to be resting, hence why he was so quiet, but as soon as he saw you sitting at your desk the tired yet excited smile slowly drained from his lips, being replaced with worry for you. As soon as you set your cute little head down on that desk he slowly moved behind you, getting close to your ear and whispering that name you loved so dearly. 

You jumped and hurriedly threw a pencil at him in fear before recognizing that blonde haired man in front of you, the fear turning into happiness, you suddenly didn't feel so sad, you hugged him tightly and took in his smell, you smiled and closed your eyes, whenever you were in his arms you felt ok, you felt loved…safe.He enveloped his arms around you and let out a small laugh, “i don't think that pencil could do much harm against lil ol me” he smiled as he slightly pulled away, “my love? Why are you still awake? It's so late” he hummed softly, his voice laced with worry. You didn't know how to explain anything, simply meeting his eyes with a frown. He knew you so well that he simply placed a kiss on your head and picked up the candle by your desk, using it to illuminate the way as he took your hand, leading you upstairs to your bedroom.

It was quiet. Although not an angry silence, just one filled with worry and care. Once you were finally to your room you sat down on your bed, garroth set the candle down and kneeled in front of you, looking up at you with those beautiful blue eyes, “my love, you need proper rest, how long have you been…being stretched so thin?” he asked, he could read anyone easily, but he could read you with just your eyes alone. You gave him your answer as you attempted to look away, but he wasn't having it, using his hand to softly guide your hand into looking back at him, “you need to be more kind to yourself, baby i'm not gonna let you work yourself to death, has anyone been helping you?” he asked  as he used his other hand to trace circles into your palm. When you answered with a no he seemed more sad, not angry, nor disappointed, just sad. “Can no one see your workload? Good god baby i'm so sorry” he said as he brought your hand to his lips, kissing your hand and closing his eyes. Garroth felt bad for leaving you, he knew you could handle yourself yes but it didn't change his want to always be next to you, to always be around you. And knowing you had been suffering hurt him so much, he knew that he wouldn't leave your side until you were ok and taken care of. 

“Ill always be here to help you, ill always be here to see the work you put in, the pain you endure. My sweetheart, I will continue to do all that and more.” he softly rambled and met his eyes with yours, he was so filled with love and adoration for you. “I don't know why anyone who claims to love you wouldnt see the work you do, but i do, and ill do everything to help you be at ease.” he continued, his voice was so hurt yet so honest, so clear with his desires and love, it was you, he desired you, your happiness and smile. This all made you relax, your shoulders lowered from the tense position they were in before. That made Garroth smile, he slowly stood and let your hands go, moving to get out of his guards uniform, while you slowly made yourself comfortable, laying in the sheets, his words took so much off your shoulders, your back. So you waited for him to join you in bed.

Eventually he slowly sat in bed, putting out the candle and laying next to you, he slowly pulled you close to him resting his chin on the top of your head, and you resting yours near his chest, allowing you to hear his heartbeat, to feel his warmth, presence, and love, before you dozed off you faintly remember hearing him hum a soft tune, attempting to help you sleep. 

[inajda]

The 12th house and it's meanings

Welcome! To reinforce, I mainly study traditional astrology so you can disagree with some of the things I´m saying, but understand it´s just another way to read into this study. I tried to brief and I might do another post with the 12th placements (planets, astral points, etc.) Enjoy!

In traditional astrology, the 12th house is portrayed as the place of "the bad spirit" (in contrast to the 11th, known by traditional astrologers as the place of "the good spirit").

Traditionally, some keywords to this house are; hidden enemies, suffering, death, troubles, injuries, spiritual problems, and more. The main reason for these dramatics is because the 12th house is right above the 1st, the rising line, meaning the true self of an individual. The things above you cannot see, it becomes a matter of the unconscious. When you have a physical or internal injury you can feel something is wrong with your body - the 6th house represents your physical health, if your 6th is afflicted, it mostly means health issues - but when your mind is not well, you can't just do an x-ray or routine exam, is something hidden from you, the conscious mind cannot access by its own. It makes it difficult to seek help because you don't know immediately.

place of isolation can be one of the significations of the 12th. placements in there tend to feel alone, as someone can never truly understand them. Sometimes that's the case. These placements can have a unique way to look at things, they tend to have an outside look at matters since the 12th is right above the ascendent line, so unconsciously, they put themselves out of the situation to have a better understanding of what's going on, and that can sometimes go wrong since they can be in it as well.

In my previous observation post and wrote that is very difficult to have malefic planets (Mars and Saturn) in the 12th, but I mainly meant Mars since Saturn rejoices in there. But a Mars in the 12th is an unhappy Mars, and the planet of anger and war being unhappy is not a thing. It's very uncomfortable because Mars needs a place of releasement, to let go of whatever thing is holding them back. But the 12th blocks any type of releasement mars needs, it can't see things truly, they're walking in a fog field with someone poking them. A common way of this appearing in an individual is that they can have a very difficult time admitting fault. It creates a victim complex of someone blind by their own errors, blaming the person next to them and creating scenarios that people are coming for them and they did nothing wrong. In my language, we have a saying that translating means "persecution mania", which is someone that thinks people are constantly trying to make the worst of them, and with Mars being there it can be true sometimes, but most of the time is just the anger not knowing how to get out. And to be frank, it manifests worst in men.

I know two guys with this placement (who didn't know each other btw) and the amount of gaslighting and pretending to be a victim of the situation was insane. I also know a girl with this placement who had some communication problems about anger, but it wasn't anywhere near the two guys. I say it's worst in men but not because of an astrological factor, it is simply how women and men are raised and what society expects from them. And when these men were raised thinking things would be just the way they wanted, when in face of frustration, they become massive manipulators who don't know how to acknowledge their own problems.

coming back to the 12th, aside from the negative significations, it can be a good place for spirituality. Is not material and nobody can take it from you. Is a place to travel with your soul and mind, not your body. To connect with something beyond what you can see and to accept we don't know everything. Sometimes things are hidden from us but are not always a problem.

At last, one of the key ways to have a good relationship with your 12th house is both the conscious and the unconscious. You need your consciousness to not put yourself as the victim of the circumstance, to understand that you have control of things, and not let your vulnerability be a weapon for others to use. And also to not be afraid of what you cannot see, feel, or touch. Realize the thin line between what's in your control and what is not and be satisfied with the choice you make. Practice your spirituality and do things you like, train your own wellness and satisfaction. Karma will come, you have the power to decide what type of karma you'll receive.

and feel free to comment any questions, suggestions, or thoughts you want to share!

xo!

[propertyofwhitney67]

I want your personal whitney head cannons- like where he lives his relationships with the other li and his freinds and how he interacts with your pc-

I am honored you want my hcs for Whitney <3

General hcs

I love the idea he comes from a rich family that doesn't give a shit about him and only gives him the bare necessities to stay alive

He definitely has scars from all the fights he gets in

He's such a tsundere and is so bad at feelings

Desperately wants someone to care for him but will never voice it

We know from Vrel that some of his 'friends' actually care for him but I don't think he notices. He's so insecure and has to keep up his image that he just doesn't see it or is in denial that anyone would actually care for him

Is actually smart but doesn't give a shit about school

Used to read a lot to escape what goes on at home

now he just runs around causing chaos, drinking, and smoking

Relationships/how he feels about the other LIs

Relationship with Robin-

he doesn't like nor hate them

thinks they are beneath him

hates that PC pays their debts for them

does like their hot chocolate

Relationship with Kylar-

hates the creep

doesn't want them anywhere near PC

hell doesn't even want them to think of PC

Relationship with Pure!Sydney

Finds they annoying

hates when they manage to get marker on them for destroying a book

Shits on them for losing their virginity to a slut

but is also pissed it was his slut

just a lot of angry emotions

Relationship with Corrupt!Sydney

Still finds them annoying but in a different way

Now they have the courage to stand up to them and for PC

Is a lot angrier about them losing their virginity to PC bc Sydney rubs it in his face

Relationship with Alex

Who? Some country bumpkin, why should he care?

As long as they don't touch what isn't theirs he doesn't care

Relationship with Avery

Hates them and that PC is their sugar baby

But learns he can get money out of it and lets PC go with permission

covers you in writing and hickies so they don't get any smart ideas

Relationship with Eden

Is low key kinda scared of them but will never show it

Also hates them for taking PC and using PC without his permission

Only he can collar PC

With my PC

Loves them but hates to look weak so only shows it in private

My PC is very submissive and has high Exhibition and promiscuity so he loves that

Loves to show them off. Only look, no touching unless he says so

takes pictures of PC when they aren't paying attention

loves to be dominant but secretly would love to have slow soft sex once in a blue moon (I need to peg this man I want him crying and whimpering under me)

likes to steal buy them things he thinks they would like and lingerie he would like to see on them

Loves seeing them all dressed up for him. Only for him, not some old rich fuck.

Scared that PC doesn't actually like/love them

𝘔𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵