#also I REALLY REALLY HOPE this doesn't come off in any way as like discouraging to people that DO like making PC OCs

[neathbound-fiends]

I've talked about this on the server before but I've gotten asks about it in the past and one recently, so I think I should try and, like, clear something about about my characters and also my design philosophy with them

None of my characters have accounts, and none of them really have a ton of interplay with major storylines at all. Some things are canon for them (Elliott eventually participates in the St. Dunstan's storyline, most of them participated in Horticulture Hell, Florence lost her house in the Great Sink, etc etc) but no one has any real impact on the world itself

And that's fine!

Obviously different strokes for different folks, I LOVE seeing people talk about their characters engaging in Seeking, or in Ambitions, or the Railway, and seeing how everyone navigates these things, but my characters don't really do any of that. "why not?" Well, simply put, it's for two main reasons. The first, I am far too lazy to try and make and maintain a bunch of separate accounts and worry about things being canon or not. I've got one (1) account and it's for meandering around and seeing and doing whatever I like

The second, that my characters are, first and foremost, built for roleplay. This is where they started, and where I intend to keep them. And we run into the problem occasionally when every character is head of the Railway, and every character has bagged a legend or gotten their heart's desire, and every character has etc etc etc, and then people have to figure out which parts to keep and how to reconcile that with eachother

But the main characters aren't out here in a vacuum. There's plenty of space around the main action to for side characters to exist. For people who aren't life changing or crucial to what's going on around them, but that add depth and flavor to what's happening. My guys are not PCs, they're the ones you run into for a storylet or two to help you along the path and then you don't see them again, and that's honestly where I like having them

I'm not having to vie for having random zailors on a tramp steamer, or for a milliner that works for the Empress' Court, or for a professor of medicine at Benthic, etc etc. There's plenty of space, and I think making people that occupy that is really where my heart lies

FL, at its core, is about the people around you that help you along the way to where you're going. It's about being and doing what you want, and what speaks to you. so I am <3

[porkcracker]

hello everything is fine? If requests are still open, I would like to know if you can do the reaction of the Decepticons (Megatron, Tarn, Overlord and Soundwave) with a Cybertronian s/o who is a cannibal and uses a fucinheira? Is she a powerful and insane warrior? If you don't want to write, ignore it, thank you.

Hi, thanks for asking, I'm haunted by chronic pain, but my life has had a rather positive turn the last months that had me really busy. Also why this ask is answered so late. Delightful selection of bots you got there, since it isn't really clarified, I went with separated headcanons and different scenarios for each character, so I hope you enjoy this.

Decepticons x Cannibal!Fem!Cyb!Reader

Megatron

Megatron has seen his fair share of cannibalism even before the war, so the action itself isn't anything new to him

It's during the war that he sees it used as a freely chosen way to fight, instead of an act used by desperate bots

He, himself, has not done it and will probably not do it unless necessary

That you indulge in cannibalism discourages him little to pursue you

There are enough equally insane bots in his faction as that he doesn't really care any more in the later parts of war

If you wear the muzzle from your own freewill, he will get a rush of power every time he is reminded that you are his, and he has the control to take it off you and send you after his enemies

During the time of your relationship, he gets use to tasting raw Energon due to you often tasting like it

You're a terrifying power couple, Emperor and Empress

Tarn

Being a cannibal in the DJD is nothing special

You start of as normal teammates, really if anyone had expected a relationship than not between the two of you

But still it happens, and it's an awful thing for any traitor

While Tarn likes to keep a somewhat cultured appearance on the average, and doesn't like you eating in your shared quarters

When it comes to punishing traitors, he greatly enjoys talking in his voice about his beautiful and vicious girlfriend and complimenting your appearance while feeding you the matching parts of the traitor

It's a very sweet bonding activity in your optics

During your time together, you start and stop wearing muzzles again and again, purely for the effect it has on the traitors you hunt

Still, you can never fully decide to stick to wearing one or not

Overlord

As a Gladiator you earned a terrifying reputation of eating your defeated opponents, something that lead to you wearing a muzzle whenever not in the ring fighting

As you continue to win and get stronger, the ring overseer formed a plan to get rid of you, to stop the loss of more fighters and set you up in a match against the at that point, unbeaten fighter, Overlord

You did not beat him either, however, the overseer miscalculated in the way that Overlord and you knew each other, and he let you life in your defeat

When the war started, you followed Overlord, a deranged type of partnership having formed between the two of you

Becoming a Deception had nothing to do with ideology for you, rather you only joined because your partner did

You two gained a reputation quickly as you not only killed happily anything that moved, but also had the favour of Overlord eating his defeated enemies, often even while they were still half alive

Soundwave

Soundwave meets you long before the war starts

On the streets are many desperate bots that will do anything and everything to survive, including eating others

You kept to already offlined bots whenever you could, but there were a few times you ended someone weak

Anyway, you meet Soundwave as another bot on the streets

His companions are wary of you as he is too, but over time and reoccurring run-ins with each other you get closer

When Soundwave suddenly vanishes, you assume he offlined

Life gets even tougher, and you end up with a few more crimes under your belt ending with you in a cell, muzzled for your tendency to get fuel through offlined bots

You only get free once the war breaks out and join the Decepticons, learning only then that Soundwave is still online

As old friends you hit it off and some time into the war even become a couple

Soundwave is also the one to free you of your muzzle, if the enforcers weren't already offlined he would have killed them for this

[ilex-opacus]

This is it this is the day I go crazy and talk about Akagi Ritsuko for way longer than anyone in 2024 should.

The way I have seen her miscaracterised is so.. so heartbreaking to me. Granted the Eva fandom is huge and I haven't been a part of it for a suuuper long time (I mean, the original fanbase from 30yrs ago is reduced to little more than a bunch of ghost accounts on dead forums by now) but the most common interpretation I see of her is something like this: A cold woman who has buried almost all her feelings for the sake of doing anything Gendo tells her because she's in love with him, who knows what she's doing is wrong, but who doesn't seem to care. A woman who has learned to care so little for the pilots, in particular Rei, who many people even say she hates, who only takes a stand on the "good side" once Gendo has personally scorned Ritsuko's love for him by having her put in solitary isolation.

And to me, that reading if her is just... Well not *wrong*, there aren't any *wrong* interpretations in media... What it is instead is willfully ignorant of so much if her character that proves almost all of that to be untrue.

Like yes, Ritsuko is cold. She's calculating and logical, but that's really about as far as the popular interpretation of her goes. She explains that being overly idealistic isn't something she scorns ("it's a nice way of thinking" directed at Maya and "your outlook is also important" directed at Misato) but something she knows she can't indulge in, otherwise the entirety of NERV's operating force would be hinged too much on personal feelings. Also, it's something she doesn't really know *how* to do. Look at Ritsuko's history -- a girl who practically grew up at NERV HQ, during the Second Impact, living under the constant shadow of a mother who didn't even give her the time of day. They write letters to each other in keigo instead of talking face to face. This is clearly a girl who's been isolated at least since high school, probably longer, who has probably lost so many people due to growing up during a damn extinction event. Someone who admits to being so poor at human connection that she supplements any hope for a family by raising cats, and even then! Even then she has to hand them off to relatives when her work gets too much for her. It's not that Ritsuko is cold and unfeeling because she enjoys it or scorns closeness, it's because she has never had the means or freedom to learn and foster those skills. It's her who introduces the concept of the Hedgehog Dilemma, she knows better than most how much you'll struggle to form bonds if you don't consistently try.

And Misato isn't some beacon of pilot safety either. The idea that she's the nice, sweet, helpful one and Ritsuko is the evil wench driving the pilots to their death is just blatantly incorrect. There are MULTIPLE instances of Misato being the one to endanger pilot safety, and Ritsuko being on the other end discouraging that. Take episode (I think 7 or 8?) where Ritsuko confronts Gendo about using children as pilots. She laments placing all of the burden on them, and spearheads the Dummy Plug system in the hopes it will alleviate that strain. Whereas Misato has made multiple allusions to molesting Shinji, has kissed him fully on the mouth, and seemed completely unaffected by the idea of sinking Asuka to unsafe depths in their fight against the 8th angel. The only difference in how they treat the pilots as child soldiers is that Misato is more vocal about how upset it makes her, whereas Ritsuko, not one to be talkative when it comes to her own feelings, as Misato points out, is not.

More examples of Ritsuko being nice to the pilots include: Teaching Rei and Asuka how to cook at Rei's request so that they can have a dinner together with Gendo and Shinji. Ritsuko sees this child, this child raised inside NERV in near total social isolation, begging for a chance at social contact, and she takes time out of her schedule so busy to the point she doesn't have time to wash her own clothes, to teach Rei how to cook. That brings me onto the next thing, actually, the way she's constantly characterised as despising Rei (specifically because she's "a competitor for Gendo's attention"). I can think of, at most, 2 canon instances where Ritsuko is actually mean to Rei in any specific, targeted, or substantial way. One is when she destroys the Dummy Plug system because, quote "these are just empty vessels, they have no soul. I'm going to destroy them, because I hate them." Which is bonkers to me! Bonkers! Because my IMMEDIATE thought when I first saw that scene was "Oh, of course Ritsuko hates the Dummy Plug system, it's science taken too far, it's a disgrace against life to create soulless husks, of course Ritsuko sees it as science used for too evil a purpose to justify. She hates them because they're inhumane." But somehow everyone took that as "Wow Rei I hate you so much I'm going to kill a bunch of your clones"?? I'm sorry, but since when has Ritsuko been characterised as being so *petty*? I mean, this is a 14 year old girl she's supposedly beefing with here.

The only other instance is when she says "(Unit 00) was definitely trying to kill me" after it goes AWOL during the 11th angel attack, implying Rei (who's soul is inside Unit 00) hates her, presumably because of something shes done. But OF COURSE she thinks that. Of course the head of this operation, who has overseen all of these horrible things, signed off on so many inhumane fights, thinks her soldiers want her dead. I don't think for one second Ritsuko thinks she's a good person. She literally says "you'll learn (that being idealistic is impractical) the first time you feel dirty." She feels guilt over what she does just like I said before, just like Misato does forging forward with this whole operation, she's just more quiet about it.

So why? Why does she do this? You can put Misato's involvement with NERV down to a genuine desire to help, the genuine illusion she's doing humanity good by protecting it. Throw in her half a revenge plot, and you can say she's doing these horrible things for ostensibly just reasons. But Ritsuko knows infinitely more about the inner workings of NERV, to the point it's implied (?) she killed Kaji, one of her only friends, to keep the information safe. People always put it down to just "she loved Gendo, that's why" and yes, frankly, that's a terrible reason. It also, doesn't make sense!

Take Ritsuko, a woman with little to no social fluency, a woman who can bouy herself only on her scientific merit, because remember, she lived in her mother's shadow for most of her life. The only way to ascertain her worth, especially underneath someone as unfeeling as Gendo, was to prove her commitment as a scientist. She didn't *have* anything else, she couldn't have anything else, no matter how much she wants to. A woman that has fought so hard for the approval of Gendo, and imagine you're her. Imagine your own mother won't even speak to you. You don't have any father around and you never mention him, but there is a man your mother seems to love. Odd, considering she doesn't seem to love you in any way that really counts. You'd want his approval too, no? You'd want approval from the man your mother, your overshadowing scientific monolith of a mother, melted back into humanity for. You'd want to prove you were as good as her, that you could enrapture the man she managed to ensnare. Because all you want is for people to see you, recognise you, that's like - THE key theme in evangelion across so many different characters. And remember Ritsuko was a highschooler when she met Gendo, when she found out her mother was having a fling. Imagine you're orphaned soon after, and all you have left is impossibly large boots to fill and this man, this man who is important, talented, and special enough to make your mother look at him, and he's asking you to help him. Of course you would. Of course you would. Because all you want is some human affection, no matter how clinical and predatory it manifests itself.

The line about Ritsuko and Gendo is literally "I wish you'd use my body again, like you did back then." Because Japanese lacks plurals, it can also be read "I wish you'd use my body again, like you did that other time." (In fact, I'm actually more inclined to that one because I see 時 used for singular occurance more than multiple ones, in which case 頃 feels a little more common?) I'm sorry, but you'll never convince me this wasn't grooming. Just look at the situation I described and try and convince me this is shorthand for "she was in love with Gendo." Idolised him, sure. Desperately craved his approval on an intimate and academic level? Yeah. Bit *loved* him? No. And there's certainly no way Gendo felt anything back other than some weird, predatory affection (I mean seriously, Gendo. You knew this woman when she was a high schooler and you were old enough to be banging her mom. There's a lot wrong with you already but now I'm adding perv to the list.)

And the plan he's making you execute, wouldn't you find it captivating too, if you were her? A world where all those emotional roadblocks you've built for yourself finally disappear, a world where you can open your heart and see your mother again, perhaps connect with her for the first time. A world where you don't have to prove your worth as a individual because you'll be part of so much more. A hivemind filled with love, clarity, and pure acceptance. Sure, she's not some virtuous saviour of humanity, but neither is Misato, really. No one who works at NERV can do so with a clear conscience or for an entirely noble cause. What I'm saying is that Ritsuko isn't as shallow as to do all that for Gendo's dick. She has complex, self-rationalised reasoning there like everyone else.

And that just brings me back around to her relationship with Rei. Maybe she does hate Rei, a little bit. Not because she's vying with her for Gendo's attention, because that's stupid. Ritsuko is a piller of calm rationale, of impersonality and reticence. In what world would she possibly be that possessive of anyone, even the man she idolises on a personal and academic level? She isn't even remotely cold or aggressive towards Kaji when he steals away Ritsuko's only friend or actively goes digging for NERV intel, she's KIND to him, welcomes him as much as she's able to with how closed off she's become. She isn't desperate for attention in the outward way someone like Asuka is. She wants Gendo to approve of her, but never exclusively. Id say the only person she's ever in competition with on that front is her own mother.

Rei is just like her. A girl with limited social contact who's only link to some greater sense of being and humanness is through Gendo, of all people. She needs him, depends on him, sticks to him and adores him despite knowing he's mistreating her ("I don't get special treatment. Believe me, I'd know.") She's also been groomed to be Gendo's obedient, grateful puppet, grateful because if not for him, she'd have somehow less. Maybe Ritsuko does resent her. Maybe it's like looking into a mirror at your old self and wishing you could slap sense into the person you used to be. Or maybe it's like looking at the person who made your mother commit suicide in guilt, perhaps. Everyone seems to forget that little detail.

Maybe the Dummy Plug system being destroyed wasn't Ritsuko's personal act of scientific disgust, maybe she hated those lifeless clones because she cares about Rei so much she knows a fate of reanimation into indentured military servitude is worse than death. Maybe a life spent captive under Gendo's grooming is worse than death fighting the angels. Maybe she can't stand the thought of Gendo using a person so many times over, never learning his lesson. Maybe she wanted to take away one of his strategic devices and punish him. But "she just hates Rei that much" seems like too shallow and excuse.

When Ritsuko turns on Gendo, everyone assumes it's because she's finally been personally scorned by him, and has realised he doesn't love her, or that she's angry he's thrown away all the scientific research she's poured into project E and wants to spite him. And okay, maybe those contain a grain of truth, but combined with her destruction of the Dummy Plug system and her asking him as early as episode 7 if using child soldiers is really something they can justify, Ritsuko's betrayal reads to me as a woman who has finally been given a wake up call surrounding the man who has used her for most of her life. Ritsuko is a woman who is closed off by necessity, of course it takes her personally being wronged by him in a massive, obvious way, to realise just how irredeemable he is. It's not "once you hurt me, that's it for you." its "once you hurt me, I can't overlook you hurting everyone else anymore because of how much I idolised you." That's a selfish road to take, sure, but Ritsuko hasn't the social fluency to be less so. Further proof her rebellion isn't just some scorned lover's hissyfit as so many people paint it is that she *continues* to actively work against him, dedicating all her time and skill, for 14 years during the Rebuild movies. She is so dedicated to stopping him that she works with WILLE for 14 damn years. If that's not a woman thoroughly convinced this man needs to be brought down for his crimes, I don't know what is.

Anyway. I have thoughts about Agaki Ritsuko. My beautiful blonde morally grey but still complex and emotionally wounded babe.

[mylovelies-docx]

Sorry, I Love You - Part 9

Oh wow, a new chapter? Who'd have thunk it.

My posting schedule is all off and I honestly don't know if I can get it back under control. I have no idea when I'll get time to sit down and write and when inspiration will strike, so I can't assure weekly updates. But I'll try my hardest to get this story out! I have future chapters written, it's just that I have no way of connecting them right now :/ Oops.

Plot: You and Bucky have a good thing going - best of friends that also have more than a little chemistry between the sheets. Everything is fine until you develop feelings for the man who doesn't want a relationship. What will happen when Bucky finds out?

C/W: Ah shit, here we go again. Angst, arguments, jealousy

Word Count: 2,250

Tag List: NOW CLOSED! If you'd like to keep up with this story, please follow my blog and turn on notifications! ❤️ you :)

[Prologue][Part 1][Part 2][Part 3][Part 4][Part 5][Part 6][Part 7][Part 8]

Some moments are easier than others. Sometimes you feel like you’re not pining like a love-sick teenager enough to think that you can actually do this – you can actually be friends with the man you love.

But then there are moments like tonight.

A few weeks have passed since community get-together, and you and Bucky are the new kids in town. Everyone drops by to say hello, leave you with enough food to last the winter, and invite you both back to their homes for dinner. It’s all very sweet, and you would appreciate the hospitality in any other situation.

But the amount of mothers trying to marry their daughters off to Bucky is insane. 

Several have not-so-subtley seated Bucky next to daughters of marriageable age, while everyone else is silently discouraged from interrupting their conversations. It skeezes you out when the girls are barely out of their teens, but most of the girls are around your age or older. Morality-wise, that’s a whole lot more appropriate. Internal monologue-wise, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh doesn’t even begin to cover it. What you feel whenever he laughs at something they say, or looks at them with his intense blue eyes – it hurts. That’s how he used to look at you, once upon a time. Like his life wouldn’t be the same without you in it, like you’re one of the most important people in his world.

To be fair to Bucky, you probably read waaaay more into it than he ever meant. And you only ever really saw that look come out when you were straddling his waist and grinding hard on his cock, skin mottled with his teeth marks and wearing his metal hand as a necklace. 

Stop, stop, stop, stop!

Anyway,

You’re usually placed next to older, widowed relatives, as most of the young men in the town have already settled down and popped out a few kids with their spouses except for Petre. Tessa foists the two of you together at every possible opportunity, hoping you’ll hit it off and decide to get married in the near future. 

Petre is nice, smart, cute, but not really your type. You’re convinced that you’ve only ever had one type and he’s off-limits. But Petre’s company is much more enjoyable than the sad, lonely older men they try to pair you with – it never feels great to be compared to someone’s long lost love – so you don’t mind having someone around your age to talk during these things.

Speaking of.

“It’s a nice night, yeah?” Petre comments. The night is warmer than expected, but you and Petre are still bundled up in your coats as you stroll through the dead copse of trees near the latest dinner party. The sun had set only minutes ago and the stars are making their presence known. There’s next to no light pollution in this area, so you always take the time to admire the night sky when you have the chance. 

You often take walks with Bucky up and down your street as a way to decompress after your shifts at the HYDRA facility. After the first week or so of being everyone’s errand-runner, they’ve slowly built up your workload to include calculations and deductions based on redacted data – it’s not as much information as you’d like, but it’s enough to build a foundational understanding of what the experiment was about.

You hum in agreement and continue walking. It’s about time to turn around and head back, but you can’t bring yourself to return only to watch Bucky flirt with the pretty girls that were also invited.  

“Is something the matter?” Petre asks you.

You startle out of your petty, jealous thoughts. “Hm? Oh, no. Nothing’s wrong,” you reply with a smile.

“It’s just that you seem very distracted tonight,” he responds.

With your hands in your pocket, the only thing you can do is shrug your shoulders. “Just tired, is all. It’s been a long week at the office.”

“Ah, I know the feeling,” Petre commiserates. 

All of the sudden, a wailing, piercing shriek ricochets between the tree trunks and reverberates in your ears. Tensing with adrenaline, you take two steps forward, ready to intervene in whatever events are unfolding in the darkness.

Before you get much further, Petre reaches out and takes hold of your elbow. Turning you around, he starts leading the way back. You try to tug your arm from his grip, but he holds firm.

“The cry of a vixen who is looking to mate. They’re rather vicious creatures this time of year, foxes. We don’t want to get in her way,” Petre deters.

“But…” you begin, looking back over your shoulders and watching for unexpected movement among the swaying branches. “It sounds so real.”

“Terrifying, really. I was just as concerned when they began, as well.” Petre gives you a tight smile and relaxes his grip slightly when you stop trying to pull away.

“What do you mean?” you question.

“What?” Petre’s eyes flash around quickly, looking through the woods that surround you.

“‘When they began’. What do you mean by that?”

“Ah,” Petre replies. “When mating season began.”

There’s no more discussion on the eerily accurate sound of a woman in distress. You can only trust that Petre would know the local fauna and their habits better than you, since you’ve never spent an extended period of time in areas such as this.

***

The neighbor’s house finally comes into view. A lone figure stands silhouetted against the porch as they lean against the railings, their arms braced against the banister and posture rigid. When you get closer, you realize that the figure is Bucky. 

You can’t see his face, but you can feel his eyes on you. And apparently Petre can as well.

“He doesn’t like me?” Petre asks.

“Why do you say that?” The question puzzles you because Bucky has no reason to dislike Petre. He’s been incredibly helpful so far, allowing you to ask as many questions as you want about himself and others and he doesn’t seem bothered by it at all. In fact, you feel as if you and Petre have become friends.

“It just seems like he’s never happy to see me.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that – James just has RBF,” you reply nonchalantly.

“RBF?” Petre replies.

You laugh as you and Petre climb the stairs, only now realizing that he still has a hand on your arm. You’d forgotten all about it, but you miss the slight warmth that permeated through your jacket when he removes his touch. You turn to look at him, but Petre is looking away, his hands now deep in his pockets. Turning your focus onto Bucky, you see him watching Petre, his eyes squinted.

A large smile returns to your face as you reach up and grab Bucky’s chin, squishing his cheeks and making his lips pucker from the pressure. “This –” you say triumphantly, “is an RBF.”

Bucky glares down at you and swats your hand away. You cackle at the perfect example of Resting Bitch Face™ in front of you, throwing your head back in joy. When you right your posture again, you can see a small smile on Bucky’s face as he laughs along with you.

“Whatever,” he murmurs. He shakes his head in exasperation before circling his arm around your shoulders. Bucky begins dragging you back down the steps you had just ascended and you grunt in protest. “It’s time to go,” he says simply.

“Ugh, you’re so rude,” you say to him. Craning your neck as much as possible, you look back towards Petre who remains on the porch. “I’ll see you later!” you call backwards with a wave. Petre raises a hand in return, face hidden in shadow as Bucky’s had been.

Focusing back on the road in front of you, you can practically feel what little mirth Bucky had drains away. Looking up, you notice that his jaw is clenched and a hard look has entered his eye.

“What’s wrong?” Now you’re worried that something happened to Bucky while you were gone that has put him in a bad mood. Did someone say something to him? Did one of the women reject his advances? You can’t see who in their right mind would turn him down, but not everyone feels the same way about him as you do. But if it’s the latter, the guilt you feel only slightly outweighs the relief.

“You don’t think you’re spendin’ too much time with him?” Bucky says between clenched teeth.

A frown appears between your eyebrows as you continue to look up at him. “No?” you respond. “He doesn’t seem to mind.”

“Ofcoursehedoesn’t,” Bucky mutters under his breath, but you can still hear him.

You slide out from under Bucky’s hold, his agitation sparking flames of your own. “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“You don’t think you’re leadin’ him on a bit, Y/N?” Bucky asks you.

You scoff. “What the fuck are you talking about?” 

“You’re always hangin’ around him!” Bucky quips back. “You’re flirting with him and walking out of parties together. All these people, Petre included, are going to think you’re pitching for an engagement.”

The hurt and pitiful feelings from earlier tonight come flooding back. Only this time, instead of feeling them for what they are, you combine them with the anger his comment brings. How dare he accuse you of leading Petre on? As if he isn’t doing the same thing to all those girls?!

“And what about you?!” you yell, the last word ripping its way between your lips and setting your tongue ablaze. “You don’t think you’re stringing all these girls along behind you? You don’t have any intention of getting into a relationship with any of them, either, do you?” 

As the words escape, you remember how Bucky sat you down and asked for a friends-with-benefits situation. Said he wasn’t ready for a real relationship, but tired of one night stands. How the two of you could help each other out since you weren’t seeing anyone either. The old resentment towards yourself and how you let yourself fall for someone wholly unavailable whiplashes back into your mind after months of repressing it. 

If he could ask that of you, does that mean he’s asked someone else? You usually arrive home later than him, but on some occasions that you are released early, he’s not there. Instead of asking where he’s been, you had just let it slide since it could have been construed as possessiveness. Like your feelings – that Bucky believes to be long gone – entitle you to his life. You hadn’t wanted to risk anything at the time, but now your mind can’t help running wild at the possibilities.

“It’s not like I’m screwing his brains out every time we’re gone!” You shout at Bucky. You had been walking down the road away from the house party which was on a street with few homes, so there’s nobody around to hear your fight. “We’re not in the bathrooms having quickies, he’s not fucking me against a wall, or bending me over his motorcycle! He hasn’t proposed we fuck around with each other until someone better comes along!” 

Your chest heaves with the effort of expelling these vicious words from deep within your heart, and you can feel a burning beginning to creep behind your eyes. You hate getting angry – hate that any strong emotion makes your eyes well with tears and makes you look weak. And in this situation, you are weak – weak against Bucky, weak against yourself, weak against the knowledge that the one man you’ve ever loved never felt the same way and never will. Your inability to keep yourself from falling for someone you knew you could never have? Your jealousy that he is probably sleeping with one or more of the women in town? That makes you weak. 

And you can’t stand to be weak in front of Bucky again.

“Newsflash, Buck: I know how it feels to be lead on by you and it fucking sucks!” You lower your voice slightly and take another step away from him. “I know that wasn’t your intention, and I didn’t feel that way at first, but that’s how I feel now.”

“You were my best friend, Y/N – I didn’t want to lose that!” Bucky exclaims. “And I genuinely thought we were on the same page!” He takes a deep breath and clasps his hands over his eyes before saying, “And seeing you run off with Petre all the time just reminds me of us – how we’d always sneak away to get some time alone. It’s just –” He drops his hands and sighs heavily, looking up at the star-studded sky and then back down to you. “I’m jealous.”

“You’re jealous?” You ask incredulously. “Why?”

“Because –” You can tell that he’s struggling to get this out, and if he hadn’t started this argument and accused you of wronging Petre, you might have been more receptive to what he’s saying. More understanding. But right now, your anger swallows all empathy and hope that his words would usually supply. “Because that could have been us,” he breathes. Bucky takes a tentative step in your direction, but freezes solid at the icy glare you send his way.

“No,” you say flatly, “No, it couldn’t have. You made that abundantly clear when I asked.”

You turn your back on him and start running, ignoring the sound of your name as you leave Bucky behind.

Part 10

Taglist: @jackiehollanderr @rabbitrabbit12321 @12345sebby @blackwood-bodecker-housewifeife @lauraashley93 @themorningsunshinee @happinessinthebeingg @nash-dara @calwitch @stany0url0calwh0res111 @pono-pura-vida @learisa @introverbatim @kentokaze @marvelogic @kaz11283

[ailesswhumptober]

All About Us! -->asks are currently open<-- AI-less Whumptober 2024 Prompts

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Mod Shae: They/Them, Writer --will sign >Mod Shae when answering questions ~Some Frequently Asked Questions~

Q:Why did you make a separate Whumptober? A: We noticed the usual Whumptober has taken a strange stance in regards to AI, particularly a non-stance that doesn't seem to discourage AI usage in the way we and some others were hoping. This included saying AI had a place in writing as well as art, and saying defending against it was going down on an already burning hill. We disagree with this wholeheartedly. (read this for more info) Q:What is AI-less Whumptober? A: Well, it's basically Whumptober...But with a firm stance against AI content. AI-less Whumptober will essentially function the same, with a list of prompts every day for the month of October, with the difference being that we actively disavow AI content and discourage it strongly

Q: What's so bad about AI?

A: AI in itself is a theft. It works off of cannibalizing other people's works, often without permission, and it CANNOT be used without this theft. The argument that you can just train it on your own work is entirely false, as even then with the AI apps used it compares, contrasts, and includes work that is plagiarized and stolen from artists and writers alike. It is also downright terrible for the environment. AI IS NOT AN ACCESSIBILITY TOOL! Q: Okay, but is AI really that bad though? A: Yes, yes it is. here are some links. > the negative impacts of AI art on Artists >The Intellectual Property Problem

>AI in the publishing world: Are AI novels theft? >ChatGPT: The fight against AI Q: Do you have to post every single day? A: Nope! You can post any of the days you'd like. You can bounce around and do 10 different ones, or just 1, or all 31! If you're posting content you made under the hashtag #AIlesswhumptober2024, congratulations, you've participated in AI-less Whumptober! Q: Can I post NSFW? A: Absolutely! Just please keep everything under the read more, otherwise known as the cut. NSFW content will not be allowed in the Discord server. Q: Can I post OC content? A: Yes! AI-less Whumptober is a multi-fandom event that can include different fandoms or original content Q: Will your list of prompts be different from the regular Whumptober? A: Yes. The mods of AI-less Whumptober have come up with the 31 different prompts, as well as a few extras in case the theme of the day just isn't vibing with you! 3. How do I protect my work from AI?

Glaze is a great tool for protecting the art that you post, made by the awesome people at University of Chicago. As for writing, we're looking at finding solutions for this. We're open to suggestion! -->Our Discord<--

[werrrrrd]

CHARLES XAVIER X OC pt.2

SUMMARY: May is a Mutant, she doesn't want to be and neither do her parents. She has the ability to control blood and after showing signs of aggression and poor control of her powers, her parents put her through treatment at an institution run by Doctor Shmidt. After going through horrendous things at the mutation corrective institution, she is forced to stay with Shaw, the man who put her through those things in the first place. Working with Shaw she explores the many things her powers allow her to do in mostly uncomfortable ways. She runs into Charles Xavier while his team tries to capture and detain Shaw and they have a stand off amongst mutants on both sides. Charles and May have an immediate connection that neither can explain and try reason with themselves while also trying to find a way to be near each other. Despite the things that May has experienced and the punishment she will receive if she is caught, all she wants to do is help Charles. With so much happening, May isnt sure how this is going to work or if she can make build up the courage to completely severe connections from Shaw

WARNINGS: shock therapy, Inappropriate touching/sexual assault, manipulation, death, suicide, surgery is mentioned including an undetailed description, slight malnutrition, forcive murder, abuse of authority, blood, lots of blood stuff since this is like her power, anger issues, aggression, mentions of murder as well as the actual murder, mind reading, OC is not very kind to herself, let me know if you notice any others. No sexual assault but definitely Shaw being creepy.

AN: First off, this story is VERY loosely based on x men first class and the happenings in that movie. I really don't regard what happens in the actual story line or the accuracy of setting or characters just because I felt like focusing on the romance plot line between May and Charles. I'm guessing you already know what the movie's plot is and you don't want to read another story that just follows along those exact lines. I hope that this doesn't bother anyone. Second, this story has a very long prologue. I wanted to give the character more backstory so that she could be better explained and her behaviors and tendencies made more sense to y'all. I hope that this does not discourage you from reading cause she's pretty cool. Of course you could skip the prologues and read the part where she actually interacts with Charles if you'd like but the prologue helps enrich the story so I hope you do read it. My OCs name is May but of course you could read it as a reader insert if you like, I didn't really describe her too much so this wouldn't be too hard to do. I honestly didn't put too much effort into writing it because I wanted to get it all out before I lost motivation. If you notice spell issues or parts that don't make sense feel free to let me know but most likely I will not be doing anything about it. Bear with me, there are plot points that don't really connect but please ignore because like I said if i don't get this out like RIGHT NOW, I will lose interest and ill have this whole thing that doesn't have an ending and that makes me sad. ANNEEYYWAYYS Tehe! Please enjoy

PROLOGUE II

Three years later 

"Lou?" My voice rang out in the dark room. I wasn't sure if she was awake or not, it must have been 3 in the morning. I couldn't sleep, thinking about the look in Lou's eyes when she had gone to bed earlier. Something about it haunting. She was quiet but I heard her turn her head towards me. Hoping she was awake I asked my question 

"What happened? Was that your mom that came to visit?" 

She was quiet still but soon I heard her voice respond 

"Yeah, that was my mom." 

"What did she say?"

"Nothing." 

I sat up and went to sit next to her on the bed. As I came she sat up and put her back against the wall. 

"She just looked at me." It had been visitation day. The day when mutants parents could come to visit them. We considered ourselves lucky that our parents at least showed up. Some kids had to sit and watch the others talk with their families since theirs didn't come. Others didn't even bother leaving their rooms knowing they wouldn't get any visitors. Lou had run off to her mom while I talked with my sisters and parents. 

"Have they made any progress?" My dad asks as he pulls me into a hug. 

"I think so," I say smiling, "it's painful to use my powers. They said that that's a good sign and that my body will start to reject them soon." 

My dad holds me in the hug for a second longer than usual. 

"That's good news!" My mom adds. "maybe you'll be out by your birthday!" 

Ellie, my youngest sister, hugs me next. "the neighbors are asking about you. We told them you'd be home from boarding school soon. Let's make that happen huh?" I smile and ruffle her hair. "I miss you" she frowns 

"I miss you too" 

Maxine sat on the chair, her recently born child in her arms and her husband sat behind her on his phone. She passed the baby to him before coming to hug me as well.

"How is she?" I asked, peeking over at her. 

"She's fine." Her husband Calvin said shortly. 

Maxine sighed, "she's healthy, smiling already." She said as she gently touched the ends of my hair. "You need a trim." She said

"I'm not allowed to have scissors but I'll see what I can do," 

"Why aren't you allowed scissors?" My mother questioned. 

"A kid killed himself a couple months ago" I said remembering when the news had been broken to the rest of the kids. He was only 14, his name was dakshi. He had x-ray vision, but he couldn't turn it off, he constantly saw through things without being able to see normally. After months of shock therapy and other medications and treatments that had been completely ineffective, the scientists tried surgery. He ended up losing his sight completely. I had met him twice, once before the surgery where he had been a smart and clever boy who I was surprised how well he got along with the older kids. The second time was after the surgery. He stared blankly at the table as we ate our lunch. His tray was untouched and his friends nudged him to at least try and eat the lasagna that was in front of him. He didn't respond. Only two weeks later he had hung himself. A funeral was hosted in the institution so all of the mutants who knew him could say goodbye. His parents were there. Watching them as the kids came up to his coffin, they seemed unphased. If anything they seemed relieved. They didn't have to worry about their messed up kid getting fixed anymore. They were probably glad they didn't have to pretend to care anymore. After that the scientists decided to be more careful about the things we had in our rooms. Nothing about the experiments changed though. 

"What a shame," my mom said. 

I turned my attention back to the baby, trying to get closer so I could squish her cheeks or at least get a good look at her so I could see how much she had grown by the time I came back home. Calvin stood from his chair and stepped away from me staring at me defensively. I looked around confused before I felt a hand on my shoulder. Maxine sighed again. 

"I'm sorry, we just think that it's for the best that you're not around the baby. At least until you're better" she looked at me sympathetically. My heart broke in my chest. The sadness was brief before I could feel my anger coming on. My outbursts had become more frequent and harder to keep under control as the years went by. My hands clenched and heat rose up my neck. I could've pushed the blood back down to hide the fact but it would have started one of those headaches that using my powers always started after the shock treatments. Instead I fumed silently. Maxine looked at me with just the slightest bit of fear in her expression. she had been afraid of me ever since I shut her mouth that day. She tried to conceal it but I could tell. 

"Soon," my dad said putting his hand on my other shoulder, snapping me back into the room 

"Maybe we should go now," Maxine swallowed 

"We'll be back next time, I promise." With that they packed up and left. 

I had been still standing there almost seeing red for several minutes afterwards. That's when I saw Lou. In front of her stood her mom, her back towards me. The look in Lou's eyes jolted me out of my fury. She shrank back out of the gaze of the woman, guilt and embarrassment flashing across her striped face.  

Once Lou had come back to the room she looked sick and pale like she needed to vomit. I had asked her if she was ok and she only nodded softly. Soon she was in bed and I had laid down as well, too afraid to ask her what was wrong until it was hours later and the question was keeping me awake.

 Then there with her back against the wall, she explained. "It seemed like a goodbye. Somehow. Just by the shame on her face, she told me she's not coming back next time. I don't know. I think she's just gonna leave me here." 

"Lou," 

"It's fine." She said firmly. "It's fine because it's gonna work." 

"Yeah..." If I'm being perfectly honest I had already begun doubting the effectiveness of the treatments. I mean I knew they were just experimenting but doctor shaw said they would take up to four years. That it wouldn't be a short process but it would be worth it. I hadn't lost all hope but it was slipping. I knew that. 

I hear Lou's sniffles next to me. I turned to her to gather her into a hug that she willingly entered. 

"It's gonna work." I said. Even if I didn't entirely believe it, I knew Lou would be ok anyways. I would love her no matter what. It was for Lou's sake that I hoped it would work. I don't know if she would be able to live with herself, looking in the mirror and seeing what her mother saw.

Lou began to slump in my arms. I laid her down gently and stroked her long black hair out of her face and wiped the tears from her cheeks. 

"Goodnight Lou, I love you." I whispered

"I love you too much."

In the morning Lou woke me. 

"Hey, we got to go to our appointments."

I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. The thought of doing everything again was unbearable. But I slowly got up and dressed. If I wanted to go home I would have to do this. I wanted to be better. To be fixed. To make my parents proud of their family. I didn't want to be the mutation anymore. 

I was back at the metal desk. Another volunteer standing in front of me, this time a girl. A makeshift running track was wound out in front of me. As The years went by the scientists had upped the challenge from single fingers, to arms and for the first time today, entire bodies. The girl was stretching just next to it while doctor Schmidt himself hooked me up to the wires that were connected to his computer in the other room. He had been monitoring my processes more closely the past few months. He kept telling me I was getting close. That I was the closest to rejecting my mutation of all the kids. 

"We're doing something a little different today," he said "I want you to keep using your powers for as long as possible, even while being shocked. We'll lower the voltage for now so that you will be able to focus on them." He finished taping the last wire to my temple. "Do you understand?"he turned my head to look at him. 

"Yes doctor,"

"Good," he smiled "Amanda, begin." 

The woman began running on the track. 

"Now you, May" Shaw stepped back with his clipboard in his hand. I focused my mind on her blood, feeling it flow in her body through her entire system. Pumping faster the longer she ran. I felt her heart beating in her chest and the blood rushing in her head. I made it all stop. Suddenly the runner stopped and she didn't crumble. I kept her held up, suspended where I held her blood in place. The shock began, 

"Nnngh," I whimpered, trying to keep my hold on her blood but it slipped and she collapsed as my hands went still. 

"Without your hands remember,"

"I'm sorry," we had been working on keeping my hands still and doing it with just my mind. My hands seemed to help me keep control of where the blood went. But the scientist thought I would benefit if it was better controlled in my mind. 

"It's fine, just try again. We didn't expect you to get it on the first try." Shaw said calmly. He didn't look calm. He looked itchy, tense. 

Amanda rose from the ground panting

 "I couldn't breathe" she turned angrily toward doctor shaw. "You said it wouldn't hurt."

"I apologize Amanda. May here, hasn't been able to control blood without letting some of it remain to pump through the heart and keep your system running. It should cause slight issues for only short periods of time. Can we continue?" He said impatiently. She breathed hard but seemed to shake it off. A stab of guilt coursed through me. I had hurt someone again. 

"Fine, we can keep going." She said before starting up a jog once again. Shaw looked at me to go again. 

I felt her blood again. This time I tried to leave enough of it to keep her alive. I used my mind to stop her run. Once again she was suspended, her eyes bulged slightly but I felt some of her blood remain running through her body and through her heart and up to her brain. My hands flexed and twitched again. The shock began and I winced again. This time I could keep my focus for a little while longer. Soon though, I began panting under the strain. Sweat glistened on my face and my body tensed under the electricity. I lost my hold and Amanda dropped again, this time she caught herself. She muttered a curse but seemed to recover quickly. The shock stopped and my muscles eased, some of them cramping up. I was given a minute or so to recover and wipe the sweat off my face onto the sleeve of my shoulder. 

"Great job! She didn't go pale this time, you must have figured out how to leave some left over for her to keep breathing. Unfortunately we are not here to fine tune your powers but to get rid of them. We're going to up the voltage again."

Inwardly I wanted to cry. It already hurt too much and added with the mental strain was exhausting.

"Can we get those hand binds again," he said to the room. Soon someone came in with the two metal slots that were locked to the desk that my hands were secured inside of to keep me from moving them. 

"Again." Shaw demanded 

Amanda begrudgingly began running again. I tried to do the same thing again. Leave her system enough blood to run her main functions, but without hands I couldn't be so precise. She froze in the air. Her eyes bulged again, wider this time and I quiet whine sounded from her open mouth. The shock began. I could feel my mind take control of her entire blood mass. All of it freezing up in her veins and her head going fuzzy and eyes unfocusing. I could feel her heart stop. My eyes widened too, I tried to stop but the electric shock was causing my body to seize, my hands flexed in their slots and my wrists strained to try and pull them out

"S-stop" I said 

"We can't stop the shocks May, you know this," shaw said but wasn't looking at me 

"I cant. She's gon- ah -gonna die!" I shook in my chair. Shaw didn't respond, he only stared at Amanda. My mind was racing, I looked between Shaw and Amanda and opened my mouth to scream. My powers were taking over and I couldn't override it. Amanda's eyes began to roll. A sick choking sound erupted from her throat. 

Finally the shock stopped and I took control of the power and stopped it completely. Amanda crumpled to the ground and shook. She didn't gasp for air, only convulsed on the track. My hand binds unlatched on their own and i shot off the chair towards her

I reached her and knelt down beside her on the rough track. The blood in her body moved extremely slowly through her heart and to her brain. I could feel it beginning to still, something must have responded to the complete lack of motion in her blood and was shutting her entire body down. I didn't know if this meant she was dying or if she was just going unconscious. I was too afraid to think coherently. I just put my hands on her chest and pushed the blood through it, hoping her body would catch on and begin pumping blood itself again. 

My ears began ringing as I used my powers, a strong headache forming. It started off small and ignorable but grew to pound in my head and make me feel dizzy and lightheaded. I'd never had a reaction to using my mutation like this before. It was causing my vision to go in and out of focus. I still pushed Amanda's blood through her body, Color was coming back to her face but I didn't know if that was because of me or because it was actually working. I felt sick to my stomach, Like I could throw up. Suddenly Amanda shot up, gasping for air, and her hand flew to my face. A loud smack sounded in the otherwise silent room. I reeled, my hand going to where she had smacked me. A sharp stinging blossomed on my cheek. Tears pricked my eyes as the sensation of the smack and the lingering migraine overwhelmed me. Amanda heaved and got to her hands and knees

“You almost fucking killed me!” she screamed. “I-im sorry I didn't mean to! “ She lunged at me, pushing me to the ground, pulling at my hair and scratching me. A fist landed on my cheekbone but I was unable to protect myself. Soon Scientists and assistants came running in to pull her off me. I was left panting on the ground while Amanda tried to reach for me while being dragged off. Once she was out of the room Shaw walked up to me. “Up,” he demanded. I blinked at the ground. So much had just happened and My mind hadnt quite caught up with me yet “up! Now.” his voice was raised. It took me a moment before I finally came to a stand, my knees wobbling.

“You know you aren't allowed to use your powers unless you are hooked up and able to receive the shocks.” Shaw looked at me with disappointment in his eyes. “This is what you mutants do, your powers hurt people. You cannot be trusted.” something flashed on his mouth for just a moment, it looked like a slight smirk before it slipped back into his stern angry frown.

“But i-”

“Shut up and go to your room.” I was shocked by the harshness of his words. He hadn't ever been so angry with me before.

As I walked through the fluorescent lit halls past the courtyard I wondered If I had ruined everything. Had that single moment of using my powers set myself back years of progress. The thought made me want to cry, want to scream, want to bang my head on the walls. I had almost killed someone that day, and yet Shaw had made me feel as though my saving her was the worst thing of all. 

[kimbapisnotsushi]

you seem to have a good read on HQ and your takes are great, so i have a question...and if you'd rather not go there, please ignore this! but i see oikawa get called "arrogant" quite often and i'm curious, would you say he is? what is it that makes people think that? imo he has a plenty of flaws, but i truly don't think arrogance is one of them. self-centered, sure, but not arrogant i think. i'm open to being wrong, i'm just legit so confused by that particular criticism, it makes me doubting my reading comprehension. i feel like that one post that's like "free my man, he didn't do that. he did a lot of other stuff tho" LOL. if you do answer this, then thanks for your time!

oh, dear anon. this is a very very big question and i'm honored you think i am capable of providing an answer that does it justice!! i don't consider myself an oikawa expert by far, but i'll do my best because he's still very beloved to me, and i hope whatever i say helps!

(but also - maybe take what i say with a grain of salt LMAO)

anyways, to get the main point out of the way: i completely agree that oikawa isn't arrogant! i actually haven't seen any commentary about that myself (bless!!!), so i can't say for sure why some people might think that, but my guess is that they think his pridefulness = arrogance — they think that the confidence he has in himself and seijoh contributes nothing to their actual power and is utterly meaningless if they don't win, especially in the face of ushijima. which, like, come on. what kind of captain would he be if he wasn't confident in himself and his teammates? is he supposed to tell them that they're going to lose??? is he supposed to discourage their hard work and effort???

or maybe it's because oikawa acts like he's all that, but doesn't have anything to show for it. who does he think he is? what does he think his pride is worth? what right does he have to go around making grand declarations when he has nothing to his name?

(which isn't entirely true, either, but we'll get into that, promise.)

now, do i think that he can, occasionally, be flippant, shallow, and/or petty? yeah, sure. he's got one hell of a personality about it. even iwaizumi says as much. oikawa is great at being a little shit. it's one of my favorite things about him!

but is oikawa genuinely arrogant, or self-centered? well . . . i don't think so.

see, here's the thing about oikawa: he knows he's good, but he doesn't think he's good enough. i think it'd be easiest to really explain what that meant if we broke this down into two separate parts, so let's give it a go, shall we?

(buckle up, friends, because it's about to get LONG. also: TIMESKIP SPOILERS!! and there's a tldr at the start of the tags because. WOW.)

so, first things first: if people are calling oikawa arrogant, then i'm like 99% sure that they don't actually know what the word "arrogant" means.

"arrogant" is used to describe someone full of themselves. it's used to describe someone conceited and pompous. it's used to describe someone so assured of and invested in their self-importance that they don't care for other people, and if it seems like they do, then it's usually wildly off the mark and still serves to inflate their own egos.

oikawa has never once been like that. he's been pretty much the exact opposite, in fact.

and yeah, sure, by his third year of high school, he knows he's good at volleyball, and that's fine! it's perfectly all right to claim you're good at something if you have the skills/experience to back it up. confidence is healthy as long as it isn't in overabundance, and we actually see a lot of this throughout the series!

(not to mention that this was where ushijima fell short. he was overflowing with confidence. he did not believe, for even a single second, that hinata shouyou and his meager, scrappy little flock of crows could beat him.

but oikawa? he knew. he knew what it looked like to make something bloom.)

the key to oikawa's confidence that made him better was that he could pinpoint others' strengths and weaknesses just as well as he could with his own. and (bear with me, please, i might get kind of boring here bc it's nothing that hasn't been said in the manga before) i don't mean it in the way we see the coaches or more analytical players do, as observations to be taken advantage of by everyone else; i mean that in the sense of how vital it is to his position as a setter. that was always the biggest difference between oikawa and kageyama: no matter how much more raw talent kageyama had, no matter how much better oikawa believed him to be, kageyama, especially in the beginning, struggled to do what oikawa could with a team. kageyama struggled to bring out the best in each player. and it wasn't because he didn't know how -- oikawa freely admitted that kageyama had the skill for it, that kageyama, once he got his shit together, could win against him -- it was because kageyama didn't have that same confidence in himself.

(not until much later, anyways. but that's another story, for another time.)

so, oikawa's confident. he knows he's good. he can bring out the best in each player. he's got a killer serve (and a killer smile!), a mind for tactics that borders on machievallianism, and cherishes the trust he is given like it's something precious. his coaches let him lead without leaning on them. his team has the utmost respect and admiration for him. he has a reputation. from karasuno to shiratorizawa to the whole of miyagi -- there is not a single character who knows oikawa tooru and would believe that he is, in any way, bad at volleyball.

but it's not enough. despite all of that, oikawa still doesn't think he's good enough. and that, friends, brings us to the second point.

oikawa tooru is nothing if not passionate.

so were the others, of course. kageyama kept going after his grandfather's death. hinata kept going while being a nobody from nowhere with no one to back him up. atsumu kept going while osamu didn't. it's not even about just those who went pro -- kenma, kuroo, noya, and everyone else found things that they were passionate about and kept going with it. the entire story revolves around loving what you do and trying to keep that love alive, and, sometimes, that can be really, really difficult when it seems like it doesn't love you back.

oikawa was so insecure over kageyama to the point where he nearly decked the poor kid. oikawa got crushed by ushijima-- who kept telling him that his team was not good enough, that his choices were not good enough, that there was nothing good enough to be proud of -- for years in a row. oikawa was taught that there would always be someone better than him no matter how skilled he was, but if he let that stop him then he didn't fucking belong on the court in the first place.

oikawa tooru is intimately acquainted with not being good enough, but he keeps trying to be. he keeps going. he tries to keep the love alive even if he's not loved back. he pushes and practices and takes a plane far from home to become even better. even if he doesn't have the skill, even if he doesn't have the talent, even if he doesn't have the love -- he still has his pride. and what does that mean, in the end? how far does that take him?

in the end, oikawa tooru walks across a world stage and sees people who believed in him on the other side and calls it a family reunion. in the end, he gets to play the volleyball that reminds him of why he loves it and how it gives him so much love back. in the end, his pride is unyielding and unbreakable, a product of the forge. he molded it with his own two hands. he will not let it falter so easily.

arrogance would not have taken oikawa tooru this far. i hope this has proven that he is anything but.

remember: instinct is something you polish. talent is something you make bloom. and never, ever let anyone else tell you what your pride is worth.

[dnalt-d2]

QSMP 2024 THINGS

OH BOY OH BOY IT'S THAT TIME AGAIN

TIME TO TALK ABOUT THINGS THAT HAPPENED TODAY, HOW I FEEL, AND THINGS I PREDICT

To start off with, I maintain my stance of "Fuck that Rabbit." I never liked the Duck, and this fucking camera-staring-at Rabbit is irritating me even moreso. May he perish in the flames of capitalism that he has created

Also fuck that narrator guy. He has no right sounding so jovial

(And god I can't believe the Duck really never did anything SERIOUSLY FUCK THAT GUY /lh)

Regarding the paywall thing, I kind of like the idea of it in certain increments. I know that Etoiles has been praying to any deity that will listen for the Nether to open, and I'm sure he's happy to know he can pay those deities off now. On the other hand, I've already seen a decent amount of discouragement on the lack of Create. I'm hoping that's the second thing to get unlocked for both Tubbo and AyPierre's sakes

And in terms of the reset itself, I also like the idea of it somewhat. I'm sure I'm not the only one who sometimes likes to start these types of games over for that fun feeling of playing from the ground up. Though maybe the mobs should be a little weaker, since everyone's starting from scratch. Then again, Etoiles has like a million Dark Metal, so

It's also nice seeing the beginning of these communities. Phil becoming Cellbit's temporary neighbor before he begins his nomadic lifestyle. And of course theres the up and coming Home of Fobo where definitely no one is Homophobic

Though speaking of Phil and Cellbit, I also maintain my disappointment in the lack of actual rescue mission. Like I was excited for that. I made a comic about it. And while my disappointment doesn't come from my comic being wrong, it does come from the fact that this was a thing that an ADMIN introduced. RICHAS went to Phil to recruit him for the mission, just for them to just do a little cinematic instead. Like I'm guessing this has to do with the delay in the server opening, since it was originally going to open about a week ago. My guess is that the rescue was going to happen this prior week, but because of the delay in opening the server, they decided to nix the rescue entirely and just have them show up on the opening day instead. It sucks, but I guess that's just how the cookie crumbles

AND NOW PREDICTION THING

So remember how Bagi at one point said that the Admins asked them what structures they'd like to have preserved for NO REASON AT ALL????

And how everyone spawned at about -200000 blocks away??

Well I'm kinda hoping that there's some of the original structures, back near that Zero Coordinate. Or maybe there's something else. Obviously I have no basis for any of that, but I think everyone's gonna be upset if they really lose all their builds. Specifically the Dragon, Titan, and Bad's as-of-yet unused Egg Carton. He labored over that for a while, it would SUCK if it just never got used at all. My other hope is that there's a pay-goal for bringing some structures back. That'd be a neat way to incorporate that feature. Not to mention that people who might've been in the middle of projects can get back to said projects. I think that's the main problem with losing everything, a lot of plans have essentially been destroyed

And now an Analysis

So fun fact, you know how Ducks and Rabbits are both heavily associated with Easter, which celebrates the death and rebirth of a certain person?? And how the server has essentially been reset and reborn??

Yeah that I guess, that's all I've got on that really

All I've got in general really

Here's to 2024, everyone. And the further loss of sanity we and the Islanders shall all endure

yee

[melles1276]

New chapter is online

Happy Holidays! 🎄🎁💝

I would be happy if you could leave a comment on ao3 as a Christmas gift ❤️

Excerpt:

Chapter 19 - Contact

Camp Victory

“A new morning. A new opportunity.” Sam Wilson had always been a positive person. After breakfast he had talked to the others. So far they hadn't been able to make contact with Barnes or Bell. And they still have no clue where the troop is. Now he makes his way to their small interim base and sits down at the radio station.

As he had experienced several times before, he hears the familiar static after every announcement, but he doesn't let that discourage him.

John nods at him. The helicopter that Natasha had organized had landed at the camp last night. Together with Clint, he’s loaded the equipment and is now collecting weapons and ammunition to take to the landing site. “Still nothing?” he asks as he passes.

“No,” Sam shakes his head.

Without a word, John goes outside. He hates the feeling of inactivity and tries to make himself useful by loading the equipment. But the items are limited, so he will not be distracted for long. Plus, Fury is breathing down their necks. The longer their search remains fruitless, the greater the risk that they will be ordered back.

Clint meets him halfway.

“Have you seen Sam?” Clint wants to know.

“On the radio,” John says, pointing to the tent that houses their base.

“Thanks,” Clint acknowledges. Without further ado he sets off. He has the current weather data for the surrounding area with him and stops in the doorway to analyze the situation.

"Hello? Does anyone hear me? This is Sam Wilson, pararescue from the 58th Unit. Please come.”

“Shit,” Clint mutters. Apparently there’s still no breakthrough.

Sam puts the handheld microphone aside and waves him over to let his visitor know that he's seen him. “Do you have the information?” he asks.

Nodding, Clint picks up the rolled-up cards, pushes himself off the doorframe, and enters the room. He then walks to the conference table and lays out three of the cards. “The prognosis isn’t good,” he heavily sighs. “There are some really massive storm fronts on the way.”

“Everything else would be too easy.”

“Still no contact?”

“Nope. Nothing. Nada. They seem to have been swallowed up by the earth.”

Clint doesn't want to give up hope completely. "Oh well. It could also mean that Bucky is trying to smuggle them behind enemy lines unnoticed. Would suit him. Can you imagine his face when he shows up here like this? He’ll be grinning so broadly that he won’t be able to get through any of the doors.”

“Quite possibly, from what I’ve heard about him.”

“Oh, I could tell you stories,” Clint chuckles. “One time, there-” He falls silent when an unexpected noise comes from the speakers. "What was that?"

"Oh, just frequency interference."

"You sure?"

Sam adjusts some settings. "Hello?"

There is a noise again, but it’s different from the usual static. It's as if the radio was being passed back and forth. He asks: “Can anyone hear me?”

"Yes! Yes, I can hear you!”

[vivitalks]

you are a wildflower garden growing in my head

not to be insane about my own fanfiction that i wrote but i am a little insane about this one. so like come be insane with me. join me. dont be afraid. i dont bite (lying) nico deserves hobbies especially when they enable his own self-actualization. anyway. this was written for the bingo prompt "jason remembers nico" i'm normal normal normal about it (still lying) title from the witching hour by the ready set. nico di angelo ass song read it here on ao3

Jason finds Nico among the strawberry plants, staining his hands and knees with dirt.

It's not…like, he's not embarrassed. Plenty of people like to garden. Nico is entitled to his hobbies. Even secret ones. And it’s only a secret because he doubts the Demeter and Dionysus kids would be particularly receptive to Nico tampering with their beloved source of income.

Despite this, he can't help his instinct to be defensive when Jason walks up, the early evening sun haloing him in light.

“Whatcha doin’?”

Nico gestures. “Weeding.”

“Cool,” Jason says, because he’s Jason. “Mind if I join you?”

“To keep me company, or to help?”

“Whichever.”

Nico points to a few rogue sprouts. “If you're here anyway, you might as well get your hands dirty.”

“Done,” Jason says, immediately tearing out the weed with ruthless force. Nico cringes.

“Try to be gentler,” he says, and demonstrates on his own. “Like this. And make sure to get the roots out, otherwise it’ll just grow back.”

“What's the difference?” Jason asks. “We're killing it either way.”

“Yeah, but…” Nico squirms. “Just because we're killing it, doesn't mean we have to make it suffer. Wouldn't you rather die in your sleep than bleed out with all your limbs torn off?”

Graphic, but it gets the point across.

“Fair enough.” Jason looks a little faint, but he tugs out the next weed with a lot more precision, careful to unearth its roots and all.

“I know it takes a little longer,” Nico says, “but mercy is a worthwhile use of time. In my opinion.”

Jason has this look. It lands on Nico. “You never cease to amaze me,” he says. Almost reverently.

Nico turns the color of strawberries. “Shut up. Keep weeding.”

“Aye aye.” Jason salutes and returns to his assigned task. Every so often he'll stop to check with Nico if something is a weed or not, but he's always gentle pulling them out.

After a few minutes, Nico says, “How did you find me?”

Because realistically, anyone looking for Nico would probably never consider checking the strawberry fields. In fact, most people would discourage him from being there at all.

“I don't know,” Jason says, which causes Nico to look up in surprise. A thoughtful look crosses Jason's face. “Lucky guess, I suppose.”

“Hell of a guess,” Nico says, reaching for another green shoot. It comes out of the earth so easily, barely old enough to have burrowed down, and some part of Nico feels a sting at that. Plants uprooted before ever having a chance to grow. Nico knows what that's like.

He also knows that weeds don't mean to be bad. They don't mean to be anything; they're harmful only when rooted near bigger, better flora. It's not their fault they hog the nutrients and land. Like any living thing, all they want is to survive. Their only crime is trying to grow with something prettier flourishing close by.

Nico knows that feeling, too.

He really hates weeding. But he's long since learned it's a necessary part of gardening, and of life. Not everyone can live. Not everyone can grow. Some plants — some people — are poison. Sometimes the only thing to do is to whisper apologies and dig out the roots, and hope that whatever this dead plant becomes next has better luck than what it was first.

“Did you need something?”

“Do I have to need something?”

“No, but…” Nico shrugs. “I don’t know. I assume you hunted me down for something. And you didn’t have to stay here and help me weed.”

“I did not hunt you down,” Jason says indignantly. “I was looking for you because I wanted to hang out with you. You’re doing this, so I’m doing it too.” 

“I'm not trying to say you shouldn't. And I always—” Nico falters. Stupid. This is his boyfriend. If he wanted to continue being an unknowable enigma with emotions under lock, key, and unbreakable steel trapdoor, he wouldn't have gotten himself involved with Jason ‘Heart On His Heroic Sleeve’ Grace. “I always want to hang out with you. I just meant, you didn’t have to help. You could have sat and done nothing.”

“Look, if I'm that bad at weeding, you can just say—”

Nico throws a handful of weeds at Jason and he dodges, laughing. “Shut up. I hate you. I wish I could pull you up by the roots.”

Smiling, Jason says, “You kind of did.”

Nico's brain gives him an error message.

“What does that mean?”

“I mean…you literally uprooted me.” Once again, he has that pensive expression, like Nico is an abstract painting that Jason is admiring while also trying to interpret. It's not the worst way to be looked at. “My whole life before you was Camp Jupiter. The legion. Being Roman. Being Jupiter's kid.”

“I didn't change all of that,” Nico points out. “You did.”

He can feel the chill of the cold ground through his jeans. Every inch of his palms is smudged with dirt. Jason's hands are starting to look the same. There's a dark streak by his hairline, and one on his jaw, and the setting sun keeps glinting off his glasses. It is, on the whole, unfairly attractive of him.

Jason hums like maybe, maybe not. “It still feels like you were the catalyst to all that change. The good change, not the…manipulated-by-Juno change.”

“I appreciate what you're doing,” Nico says, “but you understand that's ridiculous, right? We didn't know each other until after the prophecy and the quest and everything. I can't have had any impact on you before then.”

“But you were at Camp Jupiter. You arrived just before I disappeared.”

“I know that,” — People suspected me, Nico doesn't add — “but we barely spoke.”

“Yeah, but you…” Jason falls silent, his eyebrows drawn together. If Nico was art before, he's a riddle now, and Jason is struggling to solve it. “I just…feel like it was important. The timing.”

Nico buries his fingers in the ground, relishing the way the dirt crumbles and closes around his touch.

“The timing was important,” he says. “My dad knew Hera was planning something, so he sent me to Camp Jupiter like…an advance team. But it had nothing to do with you.” He pauses. “No offense.”

“No, none taken.” Jason’s laugh is a little off. “I don't know. Maybe I'm going crazy.”

“If you're crazy, I belong in an asylum,” Nico says, digging and digging until he can feel the roots of the closest weed. He pinches it between his thumb and forefinger, and watches as it turns brown, then shrivels into a dead, drooping dandelion.

He winces. That's his least favorite weeding strategy. He didn't even mean to do it just now. It's like his own body is saying, You're damn right you should be locked up. See what you can do?

I'm helping plants grow, he retorts.

His brain says, Only you would inflict death and call it ‘helping’.

Nico growls under his breath and stops listening to his brain.

“Anyway, you're not crazy,” he adds belatedly. “A goddess literally played with your memory and identity like Play-Doh, so cut yourself some slack.”

It’s quiet for a moment. Nico figures Jason is deep in thought, but when he glances up, he sees a different look on Jason’s face — like he’s just solved the riddle.

“I’ve seen you do that before.”

It’s quiet and distant, Jason’s voice, and weighted with a revelation. Of something, though Nico’s not sure what. Nico doesn’t mean to, but he recoils a little — at the thought of Jason, some previous Jason, watching him ruthlessly murder an innocent plant, maybe even without meaning to.

“At Camp Jupiter,” Jason murmurs.

Those words don’t make sense. They smack into Nico’s memory like birds into a glass window pane, seeking a target and failing miserably.

“What?”

“At camp,” Jason says slowly, his hands resting limply in the loam. Behind the frames of his glasses, his eyes are unfocused. “One of your…first days there. I saw. You killed a hyacinth.”

An icy hand reaches into Nico’s chest, past his ribs, and closes around his heart.

“You saw that?”

Jason nods, still lost in the memory. “You were coming up to the principia, and you knelt to admire the flowers.”

To admire the flowers. Yes. That’s all he'd been doing. The walkway leading to the principia had been gorgeous, elegant flora lining the path in a rainbow of colors, a dozen or more different varieties in bloom. And Nico had only wanted to appreciate their beauty. To breathe in the fragrance of something so alive. 

“As soon as you touched it,” Jason says, “it died.”

Nico flinches.

“I was— I was nervous,” he says anxiously. “You and Reyna had asked to see me, and I was afraid you would decide I couldn’t stay. Couldn’t— be trusted.”

“I…” One of Jason’s hands comes up to rub the back of his neck, smudging dirt all over himself. “When I saw that, I had my doubts. But the way you reacted — like you were scared of yourself.” He shakes his head, his eyes sliding over Nico but with the distinct impression of looking beyond him. “I thought you must not have done it on purpose.”

“I didn’t.” Nico feels sick. He doesn’t know what to do here. Jason can’t even look at him. “I had never done it before, not by accident. I was scared.”

“And then I saw something else,” Jason says, blinking repeatedly. He pulls his glasses down the bridge of his nose and rubs his eyes with grimy hands, leaving the impression of twin shiners behind. But when he pushes his glasses up again, his gaze is sharp and focused. He faces Nico, straightening his shoulders. “That night, I watched you plant a new hyacinth.”

Nico stares. The ground underneath him might as well be thin air. “You…you saw that?”

“It was late,” Jason says, perfectly clear now, growing more certain every second. “I mean, later than anyone should have been up and about, but I left something in the principia, so I went back to get it, and when I came out, you were there. Kneeling by the flowers, just like that morning.”

Nico vividly remembers this. The wilted hyacinth had haunted him that whole day, a lethal combination of guilt and fear in equal measure. Something beautiful and alive was now ugly and dead, because of him. If he could do that to a flower, without even meaning to, what could he do to another person? What if he could stop someone’s heart on contact? How could Nico ever trust his own touch again?

And then something else had arisen, the way a new substance can emerge from two chemicals interacting. Determination. Nico may have been a child of death, but damn it, he could be more than that. He had to be more than that.

“I killed something,” Nico says hollowly. “I wanted to give something else life. To atone.”

Jason puts his dirt-stained hand over the knee of Nico’s equally dirt-stained jeans.

“Nico, I watched you plant that flower. I saw…” He hesitates. “I saw you pray. I couldn’t hear you, but the way you just…” He shakes his head, obviously overcome by the memory. “You didn’t do it for anyone else. You weren’t trying to prove anything to the Romans, you were just trying to make up for your mistake.”

“I didn’t know you were there,” Nico says weakly. How long had Jason stood in the shadows of the principia, a silent observer, as Nico mourned for one dead flower?

Jason ducks his head for a second. “I thought— I didn’t want to embarrass you,” he admits. “I figured you would misunderstand me if I said I had been watching you.”

Well, that’s true enough.

“I forgot,” Jason says, which is a familiar sentence out of his mouth. He grips Nico’s leg tighter. “But now I remember, and I was right. It was important. The timing was important.”

“What timing? What are you talking about?”

“My whole life, I had this feeling like I wanted to be more than who my father was,” Jason says. “I mean, you know. Big Three dad. They named the camp for him. Big shoes to fill, and it wasn’t that I didn’t want to fill them, but a small part of me was always thinking, why me? Why can’t someone else lead? You know?”

Nico nods. He does know.

“And then you came along,” Jason says. “The only other Big Three kid I had ever met. And yeah, at first, you seemed like the quintessential descendant of Pluto.”

“Scary, unapproachable, and surrounded by death?”

Jason breathes a laugh. “Yeah. But then I watched you plant a flower.” A slow-growing smile starts at his lips, then spreads up his cheekbones and illuminates his eyes. “The son of death. Nurturing life. Showing remorse and empathy for the living thing he’d killed, that he didn’t even mean to kill.” There’s impossible brightness in Jason’s gaze. “You were so much more than just the son of Pluto. And I thought: if he can do it, why can’t I?”

Nurturing life. Like now, Nico thinks, deliberately closing his fingers around the base of a strawberry plant. That instance, the one Jason is talking about — that had been the beginning of a chain reaction in Nico, turning all of his fear and self-doubt into stubborn conviction. The slow dawning of his refusal to being bound by his father’s name. He would always be Hades’s son, but sooner or later, he had to become his own man, write his own story, choose his own fate. Be Nico di Angelo, and decide who exactly Nico di Angelo would be.

He’d known then who he wanted to be. Someone who protects. Preserves. Sustains. Someone who accepts death and who cultivates life, who one day strikes a balance between light and dark.

He’s not that person yet. But he’s a hell of a lot closer than he once was. And it began with that hyacinth, planted under moonlight.

To which Jason bore witness.

If Nico believed in coincidences, he would call this one. As it is, he tends to believe that everything happens for a reason. Nico was fated to plant that flower. Jason was fated to watch.

“I’m telling you, Nico, it was you who got me thinking about how I could be more than just Jupiter’s son,” Jason says. “You really opened my eyes. And then a month later, when Juno took me…” He chews his lip. “I didn’t remember that moment until now, but I remember how I felt afterwards, like I wanted to just — do something spontaneous, something completely out of character. Surrender my rank and figure out what Jason Grace could do that Jupiter couldn’t. Even when I had amnesia, and even after that, I still had that feeling. It’s what made it so easy for me to choose Greek, to promote Frank as praetor, and then to stay here.” His fist knocks a quick pattern against Nico’s chest. The rhythm is indistinguishable from Nico’s heartbeat. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised it started with you.”

Nico, historically not great with emotions, pulls Jason in by the shirtfront and kisses him in all his dirt-smudged glory. Jason laughs, but he doesn’t break away to do it, so it vibrates over Nico’s lips and travels down his throat like a mild electric shock.

“What?” Nico asks, pulling away.

Jason’s smile looks indestructible. “Nothing.”

“You laughed.”

“I like when you kiss me,” Jason says, with the sun shining from his dimples. “That’s all.”

Nico blushes. “Oh.”

“I didn’t mean to stop you.” Jason’s lips twitch. “But while I’m at it, I guess I should thank you.”

“Thank me for what?” For kissing you? Nico considers, but he’s not that deluded. “I didn’t do anything.”

“You always say that,” Jason says, “after doing something amazing.”

This blush is not going anywhere, anytime soon. “Well, I didn’t do anything on purpose. I didn’t know you were watching.”

“Exactly. You inspired me without even meaning to.” Jason cups his face, so tender. Always. “Then and now.”

“It’s like you want me to kiss you,” Nico says, because he can’t take a compliment to save his life.

But Jason only grins. “I do want you to kiss me.”

Out of respect for Jason’s request, Nico kisses him again. 

This time, Jason doesn’t laugh.

Nico twists Jason's shirt into his fingers, right over his hips. Jason buries his hands into Nico’s already-tangled hair. A cool breeze rustles the plants on all sides and tickles their exposed skin.

Jason is gentle. Not like Nico is fragile, but more like Nico is worth taking his time. He breathes, “Sorry if I get dirt in your hair.”

“Don’t care,” Nico murmurs.

If only Nico from Camp Jupiter could see him now. Kissing a beautiful boy in a field of living things. 

I did this, he thinks. I nurtured this.

[candiid-caniine]

haiii, i first wanna say i hope you're doing well 🫶 seeing one of your posts about a year ago has really inspired me to try out edging more (+ denying myself too!) and i've come back to your blog to edge and cum to your posts so many times. at least 10 by now lol. tonight im gonna try and edge before bed without letting myself cum, and i wanted to ask if you had any advice/motivation? it's gonna be my first time denying myself past a few hours and it's so hard to edge, i always end up getting too desperate and cumming despite my plans to edge longer 😭

- 👽

awww wow this is such a sweet message omg?? of course I'll give some encouragement!!

I'm proud of u first of all! you've gone like a year just trying out a new thing, and I gotta say that's how I started denial, too - I went a year or so just edging a bunch before I came. I also felt really desperate and just ended up cumming a lot of the time lol.

all that to say: you've been working for this for a long time. you can do this. you've made yourself wait a little bit each time, and I promise you you can handle one night 💕

here's my advice: set a limit. tell yourself just five edges. that's all, don't go past five for your first time denying yourself overnight. (five is just a suggestion - use a number that you know will get you needy, but not overly desperate.) the goal here isn't to edge yourself until you're going crazy and then stop; that's a lot for your body. focus on the overnight part, not on doing a ton of edges.

then set up two concrete anchors in your mind before you start: first, aftercare - don't go straight to bed. have a little snack, some tea, watch an episode of a show you like, something like that. plan for this before you even touch yourself. whatever relaxes you, make sure you know that once you're done edging, it's hands off, relaxation time. don't browse porn. I know it'll be tempting, but do your best to let the arousal slowly simmer down as you relax.

the second anchor is that you get to cum tomorrow. you absolutely do. hell, if you wake up past midnight, or can't sleep until then, you get to cum right then - as early as possible tomorrow, you get to cum as hard and as many times as you want.

all this serves a few purposes: your body has boundaries, a way to calm down, and a way to be rewarded.

you've got this, sweetie! I'm excited for you, and proud of you, and very flattered that you shared this with me and enjoyed this blog so much you wanted to try it out 💕

above all, if it doesn't work out tonight, don't be discouraged. it doesn't mean you're weak, or did a bad job, or aren't cut out for denial - whatever happens tonight, it teaches you just a little more about what works for your body 💕

do let us know how it went if you feel comfortable!! 😊

[hetakinkmemeblog]

it’s a little disheartening to see so many requests but so little fills. i know the original kink meme had a lot of unfulfilled requests, but i feel like the ratio of requests to fills this time around is just completely off. i’m hoping it’s only because this blog is very new.

the idea of the kink meme is that we keep it going ourselves. i’m sure some people in the past JUST requested or JUST filled, but for the most part i think most participants did both. is nobody willing to do that anymore?

from polls, likes on posts, requests on this blog, etc, we can clearly see that the problem isn’t just that hetalia is a small fandom. the problem is maybe, at least half of the people on here are way too embarrassed to create any art (including writing, obviously. i refuse to call it content) whether it’s just self indulgent pieces for themselves, or requests for their fellow hetalians. it makes me so sad.

also the fact that i actually fulfilled a request and yet it has gotten very little engagement is also really discouraging me from wanting to fulfill another haha just joking. sort of

I think it's a lot of things

I think some are sending a large amount of requests. This can make it difficult to see these requests. I noticed that there's a lot of similarly worded requests for the same ships. Not much variety as well.

I do think there's a lot of of embarrassment whene it comes to writing these things.

I've noticed that writing doesn't get much engagement at all except if you are lucky no matter what it is. It can be a bit disheartening but I wouldn't let that stop you from writing

One thing that was disheartening for me to see was someone fill a request and then tell me to delete it because there was a person leaving mean comments because the person wrote rusame instead of amerus. I think that's disheartening because there was always room for slight changes and adjustments in the original kink meme and to get mad at someone who took the time to fill a request is a little disappointing

There just isn't a lot of participation anymore and I don't know if it was a bigger fandom I think there would be. I see art of other fandoms get thousands of notes or kudos but in the Hetalia fandom that just isn't really likely. If I can hit 100 hits on my fics I consider myself lucky.

I do want to see if there's a way to do this better on AO3 because I saw something recently where it was like a thing of prompts for people ( in a way that does not violate AO3 TOS)

Also really depends on what ship you are writing or characters. A USUK fic or event will get way more interaction just because it's USUK if you write for a smaller ship it's more difficult.

[mymarifae]

mafuyu for the character ask game? :3

favorite thing about them

MAFUYUUUUUUU my favorite guy. i think... well it's hard to pinpoint because he is a VERY well-written character. it disappoints me to see so many prsk fans reduce him to his depression and depict him as this like... perpetually miserable person or that's like alllllllllll they focus on when making content of him and maybe i should save this for the Unpopular Opinion section but whatever. anyway. he's extremely depressed yes but that's not the like, pivotal point of his character. he wants to get better. he wants to live!!!!!!! and it's not so much that he doesn't have any sense of identity; it's more so that the sense of identity he does have was meticulously picked out for him by his parents. all his dreams, wants, needs, hobbies, favorite foods - he never got a say in any of it! and he feels trapped and suffocated under the expectation to be the asahinas' Perfect Daughter for the rest of his life. he wants to escape this, but in order to do so, he has to rebuild his sense of identity and learn to choose for himself again (or...for the first time). this is a monumental undertaking. it's often fruitless and leads to no real results, and it's so, so, so tempting to give up... as we see mafuyu struggle with many times. but ultimately, his character is fueled by a desire to live. deep down, he knows what he wants. he just has to 1. admit it to himself and 2. survive until he gets to that point of being able to shape his life with his own hands. as frequently as we see him fall into despair, he clings fiercely to this one last ray of hope, and he keeps going, and he keeps going, and he keeps going.

he's a strong person! he's a very strong, very brave, very persistent person. he may appear to be like... complacent with his parents' expectations, but he's really, really, really not. he just needs to find his own voice and harness his inherent courage a new way. and like, yeah that's my favorite thing about him. his inherent courage. wanders off

least favorite thing about them

nothing ^^

favorite line

brOTP

AKITO. COME ON!!!!! just two boys being boys!!!! hanging out!!!! moving everything in ena's room two inches to the left!!!! pushing each other around in shopping carts until they get kicked out of the grocery store!!!!!!

on a serious note i think akito would be a good person for mafuyu to bond with. just considering like, how stubborn and assertive and determined akito is. life has really tried its hardest to throw him off the path he's on, but he's clung to his dreams and ambitions like no one else (well that's not true. see: minori, aka another person that would be good for mafuyu to bond with BUT I DIGRESS). i think he could teach mafuyu that like... you don't have to listen when someone tells you No, Do This Instead. it doesn't matter if they tell you it's wrong or that you would be better off obeying their orders. if it makes you happy... go for it. run after it. your life is your own; leave behind anyone who tries to control and discourage you

unfortunately colorful palette hates me and will continue to torture me by putting them in close proximity to each other but not letting them become actual friends 😊

OTP

not the most interested in mafuyu ships if i'm being honest like yeah ok cute or whatever but friend chip takes priority in my brain. but i do enjoy kanamafu :) they're sweet <3

nOTP

don'tcare

random lgbt headcanon

TRANS GUY MAFUYU IS SO REAL IN MY HEAD ok. it's just... it's the perfect end to his whole "Discovering My True Self" arc. he's not the asahinas' perfect daughter. he's not perfect. he's not their daughter at all. they never bothered to get to know the real mafuyu, and they never will

also bi

unpopular opinion

ugh ok so there's this like...prevailing notion that mafuyu's True Self must be wildly different from the front he puts up at school and with his parents. like he must Really just be a cold distant apathetic kind-of-jerk and aglkdfjnkdfjndfkjn. he's. depressed. the way he lets himself act around nightcord is just him being extremely depressed it is not a reflection of his "real" personality

mafuyu is kind! he is very empathetic and understanding! he's not the world's ultimate goody two shoes, but he is an extremely sweet, lovely, unique person who wants to be helpful and wants the people around him to feel appreciated, listened to, and loved. why do so few people understand this. it's so dark in here god help me

song i associate with them

COOLER GIRL - INABAKUMORI

die with me - avatar

endless summer 2014 - vampillia

never after - drewsif

favorite picture of them

ugh this card...so beautiful. SO beautiful. honorable mention tho:

silly.

[icecold24k]

¡Hola! My Spanish Journey: From Beginner to B1, Learning the Language and Embracing the Culture.

Hello everyone, my name is Jeffery, and I have a fascination for learning Spanish. It's almost like an unhealthy addiction for me, but in a good way. I've been studying Spanish for about 3 years now, and I currently find myself at a level between B1 and B2. I feel like I've come a long way, but the process has been quite slow.

I chose to learn Spanish because, for some reason, I've always been interested in the Spanish language and the culture of Latin America, encompassing all the countries in South America. My desire to learn Spanish probably dates back to high school, but I never knew where to even begin. However, with all the technology available today, such as YouTube and various language learning apps, there's absolutely no excuse for me not to pursue my dream.

About three years ago, I started using an app called DuoLingo to begin my Spanish learning journey. It really helped me build a basic foundation of the language, learning vocabulary and proper sentence structure. I felt like I was on top of the world, making significant progress and breezing through my lessons, until reality hit me when I had to start grappling with all the different conjugations. It was at this point that I became overwhelmed and realized I needed some outside help.

That's when I stumbled upon a website called Italki. Here, you can hire online teachers from all around the world to learn whatever language you desire. I hired a professional teacher from Mexico and also found a tutor from Colombia. Both of them have been truly amazing, helping me learn so much in a short amount of time. While learning through apps is great, the experience of talking to actual native speakers has been priceless. With their help, I swiftly progressed from a level A1 to B1, and my pronunciation has improved significantly. I would definitely recommend Italki to anyone learning a language and seeking real-world speaking experience.

I have many goals for the future that this journey will help me achieve. I hope to someday visit many countries in South America, conversing with native Spanish speakers on almost any topic without struggling to express myself. I aim to explore off-the-beaten-path destinations, engaging with locals, and delving into the true culture South America has to offer, avoiding the touristy areas where large crowds tend to flock.

Here's where you guys can help! To my followers and future followers, I invite you to share your language learning experiences, regardless of the language. It doesn't have to be Spanish. Feel free to ask any questions you may have, share tips that could aid me on this journey, and please, offer your support because I truly need it as well.

I'm very excited to embark on this blogging journey, hoping to create engaging content and receive valuable tips and feedback from everyone, which can benefit anyone currently learning a language and feeling discouraged. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog post, and I extend an invitation for you to join me on this journey. I'm thrilled to have you with me in the future.

[formulatrash]

hi hazel! i hope you’re well. i totally understand if you don’t want to answer this since i’m sure you get a lot of Working In Motorsports questions. but basically i read your post about breaking into the industry and how you should never work for free…unfortunately i’m not that smart and do, in fact, Work For Free. i’m at the point now where getting paid would be quite nice actually, so i was wondering what your advice would be on taking the next step? tl;dr experience under my belt but seeking a paid role. where do you think are the best places to look? thank you! <33

hello,

honestly, understandable, it happens to a lot of people. god knows I have done a fair amount of work for free in the past year and I should surely know better.

anyway, where to look depends really on what you're looking for. if it's specifically motorsport journalism work then it's worth reaching out to people at publications* and saying "this is my experience, I appreciate you probably have a full roster at the minute but if you ever need someone to help out, I'm really looking to take the next step. include some links to your work, say what you're really interested in covering and what you can cover in a broader way and if you're available for travel.

be polite and keen and show that you understand the publication you are writing to, reference stories they already have that are the sort of thing you would like to write. if you don't hear back, email them again in a few months, persistence has weirdly paid off for a bunch of people I know; make sure you're bringing new ideas and talking about new things, saying "I know it wasn't last time but just wanted to say I'm still interested."

there are then broader industry publications where you might get commissions or where you can pitch motorsport stories. JournoResources does a newsletter every week which includes freelance pitching opportunities, all of which are paid.

if it's not journalism then start chatting to and getting in touch with people in the area you want to work. if it's social media then follow agency accounts, look out for chances where people are asking for people. speculatively getting in touch with individuals on their personal accounts isn't ccol but look out for the agencies and places like Pace Six Four, which is a huge agency, have a page to submit a speculative application in case you don't fit their roles at the moment but they might have something in future.

don't shoot over the sun by emailing Ferrari to ask if they've got any social jobs going - clearly, if they did, they'd advertise them - but it's worth asking eg: junior teams if they need any extra coverage during what's about to be a very frantic part of the season with every series racing simultaneously in Europe for weeks on end. showing you understand motorsport doesn't begin and end with F1 goes a long way.

LinkedIn is a hole and I have absolute no idea how Gen Z use it with a straight face (you guys, what the hell is this 'weekly update on my goals' business come on, millennials might be cringe but not that way) but it can be useful to follow team PRs and be able to pick up on opportunities. it's also worth following companies you want to work at, to get job alerts - check the parent companies of magazines or agencies and keep an eye out.

overall: good luck. it is incredibly rough out here at the moment and there is little to no work. I don't say that to discourage you, I say that cus if it's a struggle for you it's not because you're useless it's because everyone is struggling.

*By this I mean paying ones. of which there are astoundingly few. Autosport, Motorsport.com, Top Gear, CAR, Motor Sport Magazine and RaceFans are the only ones I can verify/vouch for are paying legal wages that are motorsport-specific in the UK - do not accept ultra-low-paid work, I've heard one publication pays £50 for a weekend of coverage which is about an eighth of minimum wage. £100 per day is still below minimum wage a lot of the time but a semi-depressing benchmark of where things are broadly at, unless you happen to have hit the big bucks (this is what I get paid). do not participate in having your labour abused, anyone doing that is not going to help you in your career.

in Europe, AutoHebdo and AmuS pay but I'm not sure much beyond that, in the US then Jalopnik, The Drive, ESPN, Road & Track, ARSTechnica etc all pay but have relatively few, if any, motorsport commissions because they tend to go to staff writers - if you can come with a unique or grassroots story though, they will pay attention. Motor1 has also just been sold so may start commissioning again soon but there's some flux going on there. I don't know if The Athletic accept motorsport pitches.

[agustdiv1ne]

i want to get into writing but have a hard time feeling inspired. i have so many good ideas in theory but have such a hard time finding the write words to use.

i guess what i am asking is how do you create the atmosphere of your fics. every time i read one of your stories i am completely immersed and am left wanting more. what inspires you to keep going?

omg hello!! first off, thank you! <3 idk if i'm the most qualified person to answer this question, but i will try my best to :') (everything under the cut bc this got a little long)

please remember that these are the things that work for me. the writing process itself is super holistic, so what works for me may not work for you,, let's get into it !

personally, writing involves a lot of trial and error. trying stuff out, seeing what resonates with me, implementing those elements into my writing...rinse and repeat, basically. sometimes, finding the words i want to use is hard; i've been stuck in ruts where i'm only able to jot down a phrase or two. at the same time, that's something to be proud of because hey, you created something! creating anything in the first place is big!! having ideas is big!!! it's good to have some grace for yourself as you write. roadblocks may arise, but try not to get discouraged by them. they're very real and normal

outlining an idea is a great way to get started. there's no pressure to write anything outstanding, so this generally helps me just get everything i want to write down on a page. from there, i may flesh out more parts of the story that i'm excited about. the "right" words don't need to come out at this time. for example, here's an excerpt of my outline for ticket to nowhere:

as you can see, it's extremely far from perfect (it's...really bad, actually), but it was a good start! my outlines are always informal as that is what flows the easiest

talking to someone about my ideas also helps get me motivated to write them. my dms are always open to anyone who would find that helpful!

as i write, i often search around for words that may lend itself well to the Vibes™. onelook thesaurus is great. it can help you find words that relate to others, as well as words that are on the tip of your tongue but can't seem to remember. a general thesaurus has also helped me out a bunch because i like using fancy words for absolutely no reason

in all honesty, the atmospheres of my fics often stem from my media consumption...music is a huge source of inspiration for me, as are books, tv shows, and movies. i often find that books help me try out new writing styles and play around with my voice. for example, after i read bunny by mona awad (insane book btw, totally recommend), i tried including a lot of imagery in ticket to nowhere !! in terms of music, i like to make playlists and listen to it while i write ^^ it helps me get into the zone for sure

the fact that i get to share my ideas and not keep them locked away in the dark basement of my google drive is probably my biggest motivator!! i'm creating things!!! i get to share them!!!! art is wonderful!!!!! it doesn't matter if it's a short drabble or a 100k word multi-chapter fic, every piece of writing that you create is something to be proud of :) it's also important to note that i have taken longgg breaks from writing throughout my time on this blog (like. upwards of six months at a time throughout 2021-22), so stepping away from an idea, even if it is for a few minutes, a few hours, a few months, etc., may help in regrouping and finding inspiration again !!

i think this is kind of a mess, but i hope it helps,,, i'm always here if you need any advice ^^