#already** cant even write things right.
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kdices · 2 years ago
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i hate myself
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icewindandboringhorror · 9 months ago
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sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:
thing that I already do
thing I have tried 10 times
thing I already do
thing that I don't have the money to do
thing I already do
thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail
thing that is impossible given my situation
thing that doesn't apply to me
thing that I already do
thing I have already tried
hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently
thing I have already done
#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things#out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever#all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever#or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc.#especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple#and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already#done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and#all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you.#who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3#my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster#talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo#I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache#or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop#e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all#sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef#t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of#way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I#think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i#gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!'#like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant#mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain#or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right#now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like#most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once#that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY#Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth
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snekdood · 1 month ago
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i just dont wanna see any leftists policing other leftists after this. at all.
#bc otherwise you're a hypocrite#next thing i see of someone being like 'this person doesnt actually believe this and is secretly rw--' well clearly thats not actually an#issue for you so what are you so mad about#its how ik this is all just a social thing to yall and not yall actually giving af#its all about who you like. not about peoples actual politics. you dont give a single shit if someone is -phobic of some sort.#so dont go around pretending you do.#cant wait till being political stops being cool. need all the apolitical ppl to go back to actually not giving af instead of pretending to#to be clear- im not saying leftists SHOULD be hyper critical. im saying i dont wanna hear it anymore bc its clear now it was never#actually about politics or making people leftists (we knew that already. otherwise yall wouldnt be so fucking vitriolic and pretentious#when you 'correct' (shit on) people) or making people see the error of their ways or even preventing abusive people or bigots from being#in the community. its not about that. it never was. and now you cant go around and pretend it is anymore.#so now to make this about me~~ why in tf did yall treat me the way you did again?#wasnt it bc i was a problematic secret alt right crypto fascist eco fascist conspiracy theorist etc etc etc?#im tryna understand why- even though im not- but if i was- why it would be a problem to you? bc clearly its not a problem when#someones alt right to you anyways so#i mean i knew that the way yall brushed off my abuser writing nazi shit on one of their art accounts. but.#it fun when its so blatantly obvious that yall cant even deny it w/o looking mind numbingly fucking stupid.#vent
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todayisafridaynight · 8 months ago
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no cause why DOES daigo do that sassy lil hand-on-hip bit during his poundmate
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impala-dreamer · 7 months ago
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dennisboobs · 12 days ago
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most annoying thing about being me is that i cannot engage with like. any fanon shit about dennis because i'm constantly on some advanced derangement and the stuff i thought two years ago when i was first getting comfy in the fandom is still the way everyone else looks at dennis but i'm like. yes but its Worse than this. you're like a quarter of the way there. this isn't the interesting bit, this is a symptom of it, keep going.
#ada speaks#i tried reading fic. i got probably 5 minutes in and was like hm i dont think i can do this#it doesnt like. piss me off. it just also does not interest me in the least#that post going around the other day got me thinking too like fjsmbfkfkj#i think maybe macbrain often causes ppl to come to the wrong conclusions too but 🥴#like i see so many people apply the same logic that makes sense with mac to dennis and it's like whoa. wait a minute. huh??#we're doing the catholic guilt thing here with him...? you think he's got a complex with that?#you think den's been anything other than openly queer since the show began ?? jdehkbfjkherbfjh i dont know man. where are you getting that.#dennis' shit is so far removed from anything else i think you NEED to understand him in a vacuum before applying individual circumstances#ie. when trying to understand dennis' behaviour Around Mac i don't actually think it has much to do with mac at all#or at least nowhere near as much as ppl give him credit for lol#he's just. like that. he's behaving perfectly in line with himself just not. with anything else. its not that complicated really#i also don't think that he hates himself nearly as much as everyone seems to think#conversely. also nowhere near the narcissist everyone makes him out to be.#still cant get over the absolute deranged interaction i had on twitter a while back where it was like.#''dennis isnt legitimately interested in Anyone because he's too in love with himself.'' like hdksbkfngmdjshdkfjfndj LOVES HIMSELF??#first of all the SINNED system is right there and those steps and that GOAL Mean Something secondly fhkfnskjrjdkbsnsnfnfk#meanwhile i was talking about some fic concepts & hcs a while back with a friend and they were like youre straight up writing plural dennis#like. ah. yeah. victoria is an alter. somehow i've written this while being like. hm. what IS victoria to him.#these two are distinct people coexisting in this body and dennis still *exists* even after coming out and transitioning...?#but how can i even begin to talk about this when i don't agree that much of anything in canon points to this. it's like.#i dont think brian lefevre or hugh honey or his random personas are alters. its specifically victoria and a few other instances#and victoria isn't even. a thing. glenn just conveniently gave a 'canon' name to a thing i was Already conceptualizing but its? not canon#anyway golden god firefighter and victoria manager. hello. anyone. dennis and victoria co-fronting.#this is more about. IFS than DID but it's.#idgaf about the macden other ppl froth at the mouth over im inside dennis' brain poking around i find them fascinating but not like that#(there is something wrong with me)#genuinely wish i could enjoy the stuff in the tag and the stuff that showed up on my dashboard regularly this is a curse DBKSBFMF
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loveydive · 13 days ago
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okay. finished veilguard. um. it sure was definitely a game.
#cri.txt#like you cant argue that it isnt a game thats for sure#mor srsly tho ermmm#its just okay#in terms of being a dragon age game... it is BAD#in terms of it being a regular game. its like. okay.#there were a lot more qol features in this game esp after inquisition which i think is great#personally inquis was like barely playable gameplay wise#writing wise... the game peaked at the seige of weissaupht. i liked the cage for the gods sequence. that was very cool.#i liked the last gambit and how depending on ur relationship with ur comoanions they can die on the missions you dole out#which is interesting and fun to me. ibcluding the bosses being the companion quests bosses if u dont finish them#i do think having so many companion deaths in the last quest is probably not great for subsequent games . ? but whatever ig#companions themselves are kinda uninteresting to me . ? like this is easily the worst batch. the only true standouts were like davrin and#maybeeeee bellara?#lucanis was especially disappointing actually. i was hoping theyd do more with the. abomination stuff but it was just nothing in the end#spite couldve easily just not been in the game#also he pissed me tf awfff#two shots at ghilanain and he misses both like. YOU HAD ONE JOB AND YOU CANT DO IT RIGHT. STAND UP MAN#couldnt even kill the venator war commander#teia had to do it for him. URGH USELESS#but yeah the idea of a non mage abomination defo couldve been interesting#taash's writing... well its already been talked to death so whatever#ive always been a story >> gameplay person so the fact that the writing dropped in quality this badly is such a shame#all the different types of endings are essentially the same. the only thing that is changed is how solas is handled. and some of them are s#ooc for him its ridiculous#oh and the secret ending at the ending was also so bad. introducing a cliche council of vague evilness that is implied to have controlled#everything from the start? snooze fest#its so bad. it ruins the complexity of loghains character. boils down the complex political tensions in da2. and so on#like its just so aggravating seeing da devolve into this#UURRGGGHHH CAN WE PLASE GO BACK TO CHARACTER AND POLITICAL BASED STORYTELLING PLEASEEE PLSPSLPSLPLSPLSSS
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
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...
#love that my body decided to incapacitate me the weekend before i have to read 5 different papers for classes#and it would b one thing to just read them but no for 3 of them i have to give detailed interpretation and 1 i have to present on#ive already failed to read one bc i forgot we had to do 2 papers for monday. oops. not that i could have done it anyway. i barely got 1 done#and im on track to fucking up the one due Tomorrow as well#im just fucking tired of reading fucking chemistry driven papers that i dont understand no matter how many times i read them#and everyones like oh itll get easier but no it fucking wont bc i cant fucking read right#its so fucking frustrating. why do i even bother? im so tried#i don't even have the paper im supposed to present on so ill have to do it all tomorrow. cool. great. not that i could do it today anyway#im just. this is gonna b a difficult week#and i misused my whole day by doing extractions bc i scheduled my training a week ago when i thought i would b fine over the weekend#nope. its fucking bullshit. this is y im like. y do i even want to b in academia?#how could i b a prof if i cant read well? its fine to b dyslexic as a math person but im like i have to read so much and so little gets thru#but then what the fuck else am i supposed to do? idk. im just gonna write down something for all these questions and go tf to sleep#ill get up at some horrible time in the morning to finish this. damn the consequences. ill see my therapist tomorrow anyway#and meet with my advisor like 🤪 yo guess what i made zero progress this week#sorry u got stuck with me while im going thru a year of fucking health problems#but whatever cant get rid of me now im already here. here and tired and i wanna go to bed#unrelated
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kellystar321 · 1 year ago
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galacticlamps · 7 months ago
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in the club bathroom straightup pondering it. and by "it" haha well let's just say, 'whether or not i should attempt to finish & share a fic i've been working on for nearly a year now'
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anotherpapercut · 1 year ago
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thank you for your service on the fall out boy genius lyrics o7
lmao tysm I'm really fighting for my life out here trying to get my lyric corrections for so good right now approved. as an autistic person minute inconsistencies are my whole bread and butter. I must do my duty to the fobbies o7
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swankpalanquin · 29 days ago
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i should stop complaining abt work all the time cos like at least i have a job etc etc but ugh knowing i have six more days of work until winter break feels like torture
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leori-the-unlearned · 2 months ago
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i make too many references and jokes and in-knowledges for myself and never put it out for the chance someone else could love them. i write and tell so many stories for myself, and i hardly ever write them to share with others. i leave so many things to my mind that i’ve never made real,
and it’s scary. because if an idea is bad, you either forget it or ignore it while it dwells in your head against your preferences.
but if a project is bad, then you’ll have spent time (that was already going to pass anyways) on nothing useful (that already was less real than you’ve made it now, and was already less useful than you’ve begun to make it, and you had less experience than you have now after trying) and that means you suck
#paralysis of a perfectionist faced with the world#will you endure the humiliating ordeal of strain for the product that never lives up to your idea?#or will you lower your standards high as a skyscraper#and give yourself lenience (feels like letting go of a belaying line - feels like freeclimbing no safety net)#somehow the idea of being allowed to make something bad feels more terrifying than holding myself to standards#because if i’m wrong and you need perfection - you can’t go back after shattering that. right?#so it doesnt matter that the time will pass anyway and the time is wasted anyway if you’re terrified of the wrong move#& same thing with friends. i know people and they wanna spend time with me#but im so afraid of being told someone cant do it i dont even ask. or so guilty i dont ask. and it ends with me#& most of my friends are occupied enough in their lives they arent reaching out to me#cause like. if youre already having a good time and not lonely and im not ur close friend yet u dont need me. u dont think to me#the honest and breathlessly frail futile nature of - wishing for friendship & knowing the other does not need it#it feels like offering your heart on a gold-laced platter. but they have a full stomach & your heart is left to rot#it feels like your heart a jelly casing fit to burst - and at the slightest rejection it bursts and all you have is ooze and film#and nobody wants that#anyways after writing metaphors about feelings i sure dont feel better but i might feel more understood#insert comic about the goblin writing stories that fall down with a chain to drag up those stuck in the filth and mud
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gorillaxyz · 4 months ago
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im sick of masking if i make you feel bad when i criticise you (CONSTRUCTIVELY AND FOR YOUR OWN BENEFIT IN A SCHOOL ENVIRONMENT) then maybe you need to grow up and realise youre fucking stupid and youre gonna get a D in all your A levels if you dont actually sit down and pay attention
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atenceladusiaawfytbwb · 6 months ago
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🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣Unflowologing a lot of creators that turned out, I despised them, and or slightly inconvenience me, but mostly that, you know omg🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣 🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🔈🔊🔉🔉🔉🔉🔉🔊🔊🔊🔊And I share this because I'm currently hot angry,
and right, ironically and as joke sure, but also seriously, heartfully, I'll share what I think
I myself create a little, somewhere else, and is small, tiny, but I do like what I do and treasure it. Still can't imagine the level of disgust some get to feel against those who don't experience/enjoy/interact a certain way with it. Maybe I've just havent done something myself that I love so much, and put so much work into, that I turn into "ugh you don't have the right - block me if you don't like it not my problem- if you like but don't reblog you are literal thrash - some of you are so entitled to my work - didnt ask for you opinionnsonyou can go f urself and i may have reacted completely different to other interactions like yours positively with the only diference that what was told appealed to my very own perspective but that has nothing to do with the way im being mean and smug to you because the problem is that what you just said is objectively dumb and I cant believe you hadnt guessef id react negatively and that doubles my disgust towards you and i better never hear you enjoy anything made by me because I, a pixel on the web, condemn thy, another pixel on the web to never have acsses to my works publiced here, publicly and freely, on the internet. And you better do as I say, or what? Are that much more of a disgusting person-" Que finding other unrelated stuff (truk6 unrelated like wtf) to add on to why this one (person b/anon/fan/anyone) is very wrong and therefore this other one (person a/creator/anyone) is right, superior even, Que too that if public other people (unrelated too) have to show that much despise towards B or they are disgusting enablers supporters idk
And it is quite specific, I know, but it has happened enough times with different people/situations to be a thing.
Like an anon hey could I (something. Not mean or entitled (no, not related to ai use at all (obviously?))) And oh boy the answer. Oh boy, like: oh so you think that you can (a bunch of awful stuff the one asked got out of their ass bc was nowhere on the ask/comment) the audacity, omg wtf, the nerve- and the revlogs are of other people tagging stuff like ph yeah I can't believe it like the mental problems this annon must have'
I have a decent social understanding, I think? No, there wasn't condescending undertones or something to read between lines, unless you want to, because then you can do that about anything. Giiiirl like ioiiffffffoooofff I got ooooofff wtf fuck is so wrong with them bitch just called them stupid or dumb and move on? A paragraph on why bdjshdhdhdhfhd I can't write anymore idk fucking fuck fuck FUCHCFUCKFU K SGU K SHIT BITCH FUCK
#atenceladusiaawfytbwb me be saying 🤠🧐#sonangy jdhdhfbbdbdhddv u cant fucking write on the fuckin g phone fucking fuck hate everyone uuuu go to fucking å#And onc3 again because im a yapper and know what usual tumblr user thinks and i just for some#reason want people to know just so they know idk maybe everithing i do is destructive#and i want to rage bait but i do hearltully thi k#i love ai technology and stuff and yes fuck generative ai and all that#but ai as the thing as the machine learning as the fractal as the shorcut to everything it fucking rules bitch like omg love it#And one day ill have something i care for so so much ill pull hate out of my ass just to#fight and even try to embarras strangers idk ill be the clown then idk#so much real condescending hateful smug destructive criticism out there and#you chose to purposefully very purposefully and withball your might to misinterpret and take things the absolutely worst way posible#no need for imaginary enemies girl#but no go ahead and pick the random “innocent” ones i mean look at me#talking all alone tobmyself because i wasnt done but inhad moved to tags already and uuuu here i am#by this point im calmer yes#but i gotta say i took it personal you know like in highschol whenbid reach a popular (mean) girl and#be treated like i went to them looking for a fight when if anything inlooked for a lil approval but then#theyd teach me or humble me and it was so fucked so obviously their super pathetic stunt of ugh check me#getting thisnother gir in check ??? when i was like hey can i borrow your pen or something#and then very cliche the populat one with her clique would go oh so uh omg you think you have the right#to demand something from me dont you se there is people out there with real problems and jesus say (yes it would be that random and#that out of place because thats how they didi it and how its done) you shouldnmeditate about your actions and next time#you talk to my or my girlfriends i will denounce you to the authorities and- meanwhile i just stansing there 😐 JUST ASKED FOR A PEN WTF WTF#and writing that i remembered even more other awful stuff where i ughhhhhhhhhhh guacala guacala no no no#anyway personal just personal it was all a personal afligation if mine still am gonna gelll overpowerful while unfolowing because hehehhe
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phagodyke · 6 months ago
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well crying didn't make me feel any better and now I have a headache too. let's just get on with the day at least the weekend will be over soon
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