#all those weird tags yeah yeah
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A real fuckin' Chad bro... Big thank you to @dark-imagine-robots for your support! 🫶🫶
#caycantdraw#caycanteven#cays commissions#commission art#commission#caycanteven commissions#all those weird tags yeah yeah#teehee#thank you so much for letting me draw your oc#he's so fuckin cool#a chad even#darkimagine#my art
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Sometimes a day makes you want a Starscream to bite and squeeze
#guess who got their final scores back ahaaa#class avg was 60 percent 😭#also I have blocked the transformers tag on TikTok that place is a hellhole#bit of a vent here but it��s so crazy#I was talking to a person I didn’t even follow a while back and we were making jokes like yeah the autobots ship megastar#on my fyp a couple days later and I see them reposting “shipping megastar is bad and gross’ like bruh what#I saw one of my followers commenting ‘yeah can’t believe it’s so popular’ I HAVE POSTED MEGASTAR BEFORE WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE#I POSTED MY STARSCREAM AND MEGATRON FIGURES RAILING EACH OTHER#I only started posting cause I was like eh if it’s getting banned might as well#these people were poisoning my fyp smh#I’m convinced it’s just a moral superiority thing like all of those people who thought abo was so cringe and then someone was like#‘I secretly like abo’ and everyone agreed that they also like abo and it’s not that weird anymore#Ngl though. it is kinda sad but also kinda funny#sorry for the rant cause I talked about it before and I don’t want to keep on talking about it but those two baffled me#transformers#transformers fanart#megastar#megatron#starscream#transformers g1#megascream#maccadam#its like watching one of those religious couples where one of them is gay and theyre like 'I am working through my gay to be straight'
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#I ran out of silly funny stupid tags to tag this with#art#fanart#my art#original art#I was gonna say maul each other apart and bite each other’s ears off but Frye would get her fangs ripped off really fast#so no don’t do that Frye#also yeah snake mix frye’s a snake she’s got venom in those stingers#Splatoon#Splatoon art#splatoon fanart#Splatoon fan art#Splatoon 3#Splatoon au#Splatoon fuzzy au#Splatoon Frye#Frye Splatoon#Frye onaga#frye fanart#Splatoon pearlina#Pearl Splatoon#pearl houzuki#Pearl fanart#suffer no fools#comfort au#by the way I kinda hate their language because it’s hard to understand and I’m not in the right state of mind to decipher it#and to draw it on clothes especially because they fold and they get all weird#that’s why pearl’s hoodie is kinda flat honestly. it bothers me a lot but it’s just out of my reach for the moment I’m sorry
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Valentinian & Valens
I’m mostly playing off of Subleyras‘ paintings featuring Valens and Theodosius for my own interpretations. part of me wants to put them through the forced twin-ification blender, since they already have the brother-father-maker dynamic down. what’s one more increasingly claustrophobic association in the name of themes and narratives!
⭐ places I’m at! bsky / pixiv / pillowfort /cohost / cara.app / tip jar!
#celebrated turning 29 the other day by drawing my man and his brother and combined they’re my url w/ saturated colors#my other favorite brother-father dynamic is Ascanio and Ludovico. I think those two are more claustrophobic than these guys#if I’m being honest. but I also read Brotherly Love and I’m like. yeah okay so ALL imperial families are insular to the point of#unavoidable textual weirdness. you’ll die and your absence will create terrible situations etc. ascension. wedding. funeral.#late Roman Empire tag#drawing tag
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so i heard it was a certain silly slug game's birthday
#yes i will keep harkening back to my first piece of rain world art all the time no you cant stop me#sorry i didnt have anything prepared for this </333#i forgoet.................#anyways shoutout this game for being one of the best games i never played#double shoutout the awesome community im so sorry i stopped. doing anything rain world but you guys always hold a special place in my heart#honestly pushed me to draw and create more at a weird time in my life so. huge thanks for that#i dunno why im actually giving some speech here i just really like rain world crazy that its. 7 years old. what.#how did that happen#rain world#rain world downpour#rainworld#slugcat#yeah we got the slugcat tag theres a lot of those guys here#various meanderings
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This may just be me, but I think if you ship a canonically very abusive, manipulative and toxic relationship, you don't get to judge or call anyone degenerates for their own fucked up ships, actually.
#gravity falls#billford#stancest#yeah it's about those two specifically#but this could apply to shipping in general#i just saw an artist i generally like saying “it's so disappointing seeing artists i liked ship stancest and be proud pls be ashamed!”#saying it's disgusting and gross and the people in their comments were all in consesus that these people are weird and sickos yada yada#and i don't think they realise that it's the exact same logic people use to hate on billford shippers. like down-to-the-letter the same.#it's weird seeing people be like if you ship incest you're gross and disgusting but if it's abuse it's totes ok and doesn't reflect you irl#not only does that reasoning insinuate that incest is not another form of abuse which is YIKES#but it reads as tho abuse is not “severe enough” to stop people from shipping it while incest is even tho both are very bad which is worse#you either believe that what you ship reflects you irl and no one should ship anything immoral or you don't. it's just that simple.#you don't get to pull that “rules for thee but not for me” bullshit#your rationalisation does more to normalise and water down these crimes than someone shipping them while acknowledging it's wrong ever will#i don't even ship stancest or have any feelings on it whatsoever btw i'm just enough of a loudmouth to call out hypocrisy when i see it#unrelated but i need to stop making my tags longer than the actual freaking post 💀#momento rambles
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he is the dirt under my fingernails
#just a bunch of kons ive drawn over a time period#when im upset i draw him woopeee#snyways look @ my hcs boy#i hold unhealthy ass kon rlly close 2 my heart u dont understand ots so stupid#CAN U TELL WHEN U DRAW YOUNGER KON?? I RLLY HOPE SO PLS TELL ME U DO#kfjfoksnsnnngngngn hhhhhhhhhhhh#ive paniking all night staring @ the figure outside my window#now its afternoon & I CANT SLEEEEPPP tehehe#y doesnt melotinon melon mel something WORKKK#call back 2 the time i took a whole bottle of those tablets & stayed up 2 dayd that was weird#im rambling in my tags again mooommmm#yk what would b a good idea? taking my meds#imma do that yeah#kon el#kontent#U GET A TAG#konmen pls accept me as a konartist pls oh god#pls dont eat me alive#puppee art#oh hint of kart in there ofc bc im insane#i ordered stuff 4 etsy((i think idk if i did it correct)) & im working on buttons((FINALLY AGAIN))#me? doing work outside of work? insnae. its mot work im just drawing kon & bart send help#i need 2 shut up im so tired wikihow how 2 sleep
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love when people tag my silly art as "greek mythology" or something on that lane cuz then i just imagine someone going to their blog, checking their greek mythology tag and then there's Hermes, the herald of the gods, pole dancing.
Imagine you're checking someones greek mythology blog, seeing all the amazing arts and sculptures and majestic stories about the gods and out of nowhere there he is: Odysseus, king of Ithaca, throwing his fucking son, Telemachus, at Athena's face
#personal#technically they arent wrong BUT LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?#its even better when the greek mythology tag is the only one there#nobody needs the context of those meme arts all they need is the power of hermes thighs holding the pole while odysseus is drowning#should I do it too? hell yeah:#greek mythology#epic the musical#If I had a nickel for every time I made shitposting art of a popular musical created by a puerto rican man I'd have two nickels#which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice
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#something is very obviously different about these two compared to my normal images on this blog. i acknowledge this#also the sv model is Really good. and since they always stare straight at the camera anyway… and no one pays attention to the background…#and the only high-quality phantump model i could find was so horribly shiny that its eyes were just white voids#in my defense‚ phantump always just stare straight at you in game#the lighting is different‚ yeah. that's probably the dead giveaway. beyond the background. but like. i'm the only being on the planet who#really likes phantump anyway. i feel like it's a generally forgettable pokémon to most folks#phantump#HELLO this one is a weird one. i have some explaining to do. so when i did this one i didn't know how to edit models really at all#and when i got the models for these‚ the xy models were super shiny. shiny to the point that it made their eyes fuckin invisible#and i decided that since you could barely tell it was phantump‚ i needed a different way to get these images#i remembered that in the SV dlc��� every time you find a wild phantump‚ it just fucking. stares. at you. and i was like. aha#i kinda remembered because of the test stream that i did. tumblr user alligayytorr (am i getting the right amount of Ys) said#“haha i am getting a sneak peek” when i zoomed the camera in on a phantump. and i remembered that. and i was like. i can utilize this#and ended up using just an in-game screenshot of SV in replacement of the regular content. later on‚ after that#once we got into gen 7 and it became less and less reliable to find models‚ i had to learn how to edit them manually to remove the shine#i am a software dev. not a 3d modeler. this ended up coming down to editing the code of the models directly (which i ended up writing a#script to automate). now‚ today‚ january 22nd (the day of me writing these tags and updating this post)‚ i remembered this post was in the#queue and was not normal. so i went back‚ ran the script on the phantump and trevenant models‚ and unshinified them#then edited these two posts to be normal. i have left the original pictures i took under the cut for reference and as bonuses#because i really enjoy phantump. so that's why those images are there‚ and that's why these tags are here#just for posterity's sake‚ the folks who come here mostly for my commentary‚ i've left the ORIGINAL tags of the post when i initially#made it with the SV pictures up at the top (i wanted to rearrange them‚ but tumblr makes that Very difficult‚ so i left them as-is)#so if these tags are confusing to read i Apologize. but i hope now that you're at the bottom you understand what happened#i'm gonna go edit the trevenant post now
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Alright the pull came in and ya'll wanted to see some of the Magnus and Star doodles so here you go! :D
So here is some star concept doodles:
LASTLY, MAGNUS DOODLES (FW, SLIGHT GORE)
I swear I had more, but since it is like 10:22 pm here, Imma drop these for now.
Bonus:
Bonus Bonus:
Here is a fun fact: After the incident, Magnus, Agatha, and the survivors did not get proper medical treatment directly after the event. A lot of the medical materials was turned to ash and whatever did survive cannot be used because the heat could alter the chemical components in exithers or healing potions. The things that were mainly salvaged was cloths that survived the fire, which was washed thoroughly before being used as bandages.
Although they had a alternative for bandanges, many of the survivors died from smoke, lack of medicine, other related injuries, or...uhhh yeah. Luckily, other kingdoms were fortunate to help the citizens and they were able to gain proper medical treatment after around a month.
I just wanted to share this since this makes logical sense for a incident that was this bad. And also because Magnus got that nasty burn scar that was not even treated until like around a month later, same with Agatha's eye. So yeah 😜
@spectator-zee @oh-shtars @rascalentertainments
@tumblingdownthefoxden @dangerousflowerpanda @thesafireartist
#there is probably like 3 I missed for maggy but I'm too tired to take pictures.#honestly magnus went through a lot of mental distress because of his burn scar! aint that fun hehe :3#especially agatha#and for those who are wondering for what that weird base was doing in the Magnus section it is actually showing how bad his burn mark is#and yeah his poor arm 💀#plus a lot of “the incident saga maggy” aint that swell :D#and imagine all of that and then you are held with the responibility of leading all these people like damn#also a lot of conflicting feelings for when I was developing (and still am) the true forms of stars + their culture and lives.#for the designs I settled on a more “Dream Catcher” trope where they are mainly feathery because the feathers on the dream catchers let goo#dreams through as webs on the dream catchers catches bad dreams with the beads there I think to refrence the spider#disney wish#wish 2023#art#artwork#art tag#star wish#princess asha#wish asha#king magnifico#wish star#star boy#star#wishing star#magnus#concept art#my art#artists on tumblr#digital art#illustration#the kingdom of roses and thorns
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“If I could go back, one thing I would do / Try to unravel, cut down, and unscrew / The first double helix that links me to you”
Wow, get a load of these guys. What’s wrong with them?
Also song inspo if anyone would like it! It’s where the top quote is from!
#drawing Gus sad made me feel like I was kicking an already sad wet cat why do I do this to him#supposed to be a weird dream sequence thing about a year later after the Geosenge Incident#believe it or not this piece is about Gus learning to move on#like my thought is that Gus has been trying to move on but he keeps finding Lys’s stuff or references to him#and after dreaming of Lys burning up (literally) and not being able to save him#he wakes up and finds he’s holding Lys’s coat#which finally leads him to finding all of Lys’s stuff around his apartment and throwing it all in a box to get rid of#and it would end with him finally grabbing the photo of him and Lys#and finally cutting him out of it#anyway I love them so much#I NEED THEM IN PAIN AND TORTURED#Gus gets to be happy and moved on later I promise#Lys either got his ass immortal or is dead beneath the rubble 💙#idk what happened tho I heard one song and got locked in and had to draw toxic doomed pokemon yaoi#what the fuck is wrong with me?#yeah I have so many thoughts on those stupid guys fr#I WOULD LIKE THEM OUT OF MY BRAIN THO#PLZ LEMME GO I WANT OFF THIS TRAIN#professor sycamore#professor sycamore pokémon#augustine sycamore#lysandre pokemon#team flare lysandre#pokemon xy#Spotify#rainbowpufflez art tag
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not-yet-dead-person
silly comic of a conversation in-game i thought was too funny not to make something proper for instead of a doodle ww
(timelapse + wip images (thus silly process commentary in read more if you like artist commentary :3)
i think the sketch looks silly and goofy and funny so i find it important to share with you the mere presence of the faces i drew on it. i drew it on top of the boxes without staying inside its borders because i find my proportions can get wonky if i draw them cropped in a restricted space. and I feel trapped otherwise and i will draw BAD!!! give me spaceeeee to go wild!!!!
the head circles are there for emotional support
very low res speedpaint because truth is the canvas was much bigger than the space where my comic was placed. i didnt account when exporting my timelapse in 720px that that tiny space would look so pixelated ... but it's able to be percieved, so its okay.
(i will now comment on my process and it is not brief sorry)
usually i would try to clean up my sketches and figure out what goes on top before jumping into linework, but since there are multiple panels and drawings i chose to jump into inking right away for the sake of brevity. i just went in with a brush that uses pen pressure and drew what was needed. i added extra line thickness and contrast in areas around the face because it helps direct your eyes there more easily that way.
according to her equipment rei has a chain belt but i only remembered it existed once I was going to color, and i did not like that discovery... I chose to ignore it to maintain my peace. i already have the color palettes for these characters figured out, and i didnt really want to think about a new element at the moment www I tend to overthink those things a lot so i skipped it
the rest is rather straightforward! not that anything else wasn't, but in here i could turn my brain off and sing. linework and sketching require mumbling so i cannot turn my brain off. just block in the characters with a solid color so i can have a mask (something along those lines,) where the color can stay inside. then just color in !!!
Base colors just had slight cell shading on the skin, and for the hair i airbrush a bit of the skincolor in low opacity near the forehead... I'm not sure what it means, but i can look at the faces easier with it somehow. i like the gentle subtlety it adds even if you cant really tell. it makes things look nice.
background was just me blocking in the color of the wall and floor, shade the wall a bit, then slap a noise and free use wood texture on top. work smarter not harder ! yet it took a bit to make it look stylistically fitting with the characters, and even now i think bottom middle panel looks odd. whatever!!!
for the middle panel i thought itd be funny if the background was a solid silly and colorful one to contrast the next panel's sketchy black one. a contrast to how the word widow is seen. on that note my handwritting is not pointy. i gaslighted my hand into thinking that it was indeed pointy in that moment so i could write "not-yet dead person" in letters that didn't seem cute. my hand did not fall for it but it complied anyway
that's basically it! I'm not sure what else i could say that doesn't feel barebones because it really is that straightforward. if you're curious I used clip studio paint for this. only special brush used was for linework (a brush named Lemon Brush), the rest used were just the default. my computer gets the least credit. it was trying to convince me a 20mb file was going to nuke it all the time and hardly let me save multiple times so i do not appreciate it
#re:kinder#fanart#sayaka re:kinder#rei re:kinder#OH I ALREADY RAMBLED IN MY POST WHATEVER SHOULD I TALK ABOUT NOW IN MY TAGS UEEEEEEE😭😭😭#oh yeah do you want to know a fun fact about this drawing#i started it yesterday. i wasnt meant to I DID NOT HAVE PERMISSION...FROM MYSELF... i was meant to be on break#i self imposed a one week break from doing any rekinder related project after the transcript to avoid accidental burn out#NOT THAT I GOT TIRED OF IT AFTER THAT TRANSCRIPT NOT AT ALL#but jumping straight into more hours of creativr work after over 30 hours of it is asking for disaster. it is asking for burn out#yesterday was the last day . 12 hours were left but i was going to die if i didnt draw anything it would have been OVER#(aka my period started recently so i got very gloomy and depressed so i needed to run to my favorite stress relief...drawing rekinder☺️)#(on that note seriously what the fuck please explain the evolutionary advantage to getting horribly depressed every month)#(like hello?!?! rant real quick— i get enough flashbacks everyday i DONT need them to last longer and have me more msierable ?!?!?)#(periods are so dangerous to my mental health for no reason can i get a restriction order on them or some shit what the fuck)#(anyway thats enough of that break of character DONEEEE :3333)#SO YEAH I DIDNT EVEN LAST 7 WHOLE DAYS i even played a new game in between those 6 days youd think itd het my mind of rekinder. WRONNNNGGG#not even another devastating rpg horror gamr could divert my attention for long i hsd to draw rekinder😊#using the newfound power of mt transcript i was decided on drawing rei because i dont draw her enough for how high she is on my fvaorites#i was initially doodling random lines but then i stumbled upon this interactkon and it doesnt really fit into my usual expression sheets#so i thought hey lets do it asife#i thumbnailrd it and from there i was like hey lets do it in comic format isntead of separated messy doodles in tint canvas#and the rest is hisotry .... aka i spent the last two days doing this instead of doing MY HOMEWORK!!!!!#on my defense when i wasnt drawing i was horribly depressed i had no other choice#(seriously fuck off periods WHAT what do you mean i need to be distracted 24/7 to not be struck by crippling meltdowns LEAVE ME ALONE?!?!?)#(they should be banned we as a society should find like a . cure to them it dont do me good to have a whole week where i cant function)#these tags have been more of a weird rant im sorry IVE BEEN FEELING PEEEVEDDD LATELY SO YOU GET. STRANGE DROTTER LORE ????
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I need to be weirder about the scavengers and cannibalism...
#its been a long day... but im feeling better now. (thanks for the well wishes and such btw <3-)#(-sending my well wishes in return by tenfold bcs. damn. it seems stuff is really going around rn)#but yeah... just. augh. theres just smth about how the scavs sorta translate into more like. thriller-esque genres pretty well?#like. i feel somehow those themes compliment their characteristics? or could compliment their characteristics in a more rounded out way#sure. theyre generally a light hearted romp of absurdity with occasional themes of a not good not bad handling of 'mental health matters'#but they just really shine a bit in horrific circumstances. esp with the sort of absurdity they bring to the table#theyre odd people. even in the context of their generally weird and alien universe. and that right there feels like a trove of potential#its like. ok. the lost light crew? also odd. but thats a huge ship. full of people and variety and a sense of purpose and normalcy post-war#(normalcy being. whatever all those background folks were getting up too while plot happened around them. cruise ship stuff ig)#but in contrast. with the w.a.p crew. its an ark class ship with like. a handful of people. and a whole lot of junk and free time#both just cruising through space endlessly for years. one with hundreds of people. and one with like 6 people.#so both are technically isolated when theyre not making pit-stops planet or station side. but again. 100s vs 6 dudes.#think. top of the line cruise ship from hell with a small town sized populace vs a big shitty boat and 6 starving guys#both have the capacity to become case studies in madness. both could do really well thriller wise. but the scavs being a smaller group?#it only being the 6 of them emphasis the isolation perhaps. less variety. less change. same 6 people for 5(?) years#things could get weird fast. codependent mentalities. us vs them mindsets. an otherness about everyone else outside of their group#and then! then you add to the mix the fact that theyre eating/drinking from corpses?! *chefs kiss* awesome. love it.#non-stationary isolation + cannibalism. ough. perfect mix. a classic of maritime horror but in space! :D!#a big ship. small crew. living while knowing that as soon as you kick the bucket. your body is the meal. your body is the fuel.#no decorum about it. no faith. no belief. just perverse survival. bcs they might enjoy it. a bloody gluttony. with a bite. a sample. a taste#it takes seeing your buddy as a walking talking burger to another level. bcs every corpse you come across is also a burger. and a gas can#also fulcrum making candy out of corpses is so. particularly perfect when it comes to the horrifically absurd. just. smth about it. idk#but also also. the line. where was the line drawn for each of them? and when did they each cross it?#most of them dont seem like the type to jump head first into that. so how did they justify it to themselves? had they done it before?#and then. when did it become normal? a habit? smth enjoyable?#i might be running out of tags. but yeah. them being weirder. esp about each other and others.#nothing brings a group of people together like the overhanging knowledge that you sort of kinda wanna eat each other#(rlly wishing i could stomach realistic thrillers rn. but i just cant. gotta stick to written or artistic styles or risk panic attacks :/)#(ive tried a couple movies and shows now. and cant get through most of them. praise be synopses and peoples long rambles about them tho :D)#(nothing like reading someones passionate ramble about the meaning/symbolism of some gory nightmare without having to actually see it lol)
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Since we're on dorms mood, how about either the Losers dorm(Kohaku and Jun) or the Princess dorm (Kanata, Rinne and Hiyori) ?
LOSERS DORM KJDHFJKASDFHKHD i didn't know they were called that that's so funny
Joke's on you though they're both silly and I love them
They'd have spa nights methinks
Jun said he'd teach Kohaku how to play Genshin (because it's a new gacha Tsukasa got into and he'd rather eat his foot than ask Bou.) after he finishes this game of Tetris-- Kohaku pleASE keep an eye on your food--
#enstars#rinne amagi#kanata shinkai#hiyori tomoe#jun sazanami#kohaku oukawa#two of my favorite dorms to ever yeah#mutsuowo tag#i'm not even a tsukasaP but I know. i just know that little guy gets a liiiittle too invested in every gacha out there#also he's a jean main. you know i'm right#kohaku would main..... kazuha methinks#jun swaps around between xiao/cyno/thoma#those first two are fast polearm powerhouses and thoma is. [looks at ayato and then at hiyori] deja vu for him.#[after kaveh's release] 'jun-han this guy sounds a lot like you?' 'huh. yeah weird' (VA joke)#anyways it was kinda hard to show but rinne does have something of niki's (congrats if you found it before reading this tag)#anyways if you read all that additional congrats and also i'm objectively right /lh#doodle req#dorm doodle#sana postal service
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lowkey forgot i had already updated the blog description last night but a lil announcement that i came to the tentative realization a couple of weeks ago that i'm agender and after a few days of wrestling against my will with pronouns i have decided to give they/them a spin so thank you for your time 🫡
#at first i was like she/her doesn't bother me so this is fine just don't call me a woman or other feminine things even if meme#but then recently i was like. DOES it bother me??????????????#so then was testing stuff in my mind for days and then started writing using they/them for me#and it feels a little weird but i think in a new way and not a wrong way whereas she/her feels a bit detached? idk dude#but yeah we'll try this and see how it goes#currently thinking about how austen and hornblower got me to ace and then the turks helped with gender#fandom is educational i guess#like the feelings had been simmering for some time but i had never cared to analyze it until those fandom points#anyways if you read all these tags have a cookie 🍪#chilly chats
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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
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