#all the while nobody else seems to even bother developing the know-how to mix both

[xerith-42]

So What's Glenda's Deal?

I said the last post was a pre-req for later discussions, and that's because I needed that post to demonstrate that Glenda is one of the least thought out elements of Meteli. Meteli itself isn't very thought out, even in its newer forms, beyond what it serves as a narrative device for Laurance and to a lesser extent Cadenza and Sasha. I went on that whole tangent about the Zvahl Sibling Retcon because it shows a failing in taking to account what that retcon does to the story that proceeded it.

And also that post was meant to show the untapped potential of Glenda because she's such a minor part of the series despite having the potential to be fucking life ruining to Cadenza. But because we don't get any information about her basically ever, it can also be easy to forget what impact she actually had. Now that we have the baseline knowledge of Glenda, her appearances, the weirdness around her existence, and the lack of development given to all of that, we can start developing her.

The first and most important question to answer is: When did Glenda become a Shadow Knight?

I proposed several options in that post, and I'm still unsure of where I want to take it. I have this whole series of headcanons about Cadenza and her connection to plants, and how that connection reflects the presence of Shadow Knights around her. If I take that into account, that the presence of these undead creatures starts to wilt the petals on her skin or roses that she grew, then it seems unlikely that Glenda was a Shadow Knight for her entire childhood.

Obviously that's a headcanon and Cadenza in actual canon couldn't have known, but I work within the bounds of my altered version of this reality and I feel like mixing canon and fanon is so par for the course I don't know why I bother defending myself like this

Anyways, if Glenda wasn't a Shadow Knight prior to Cadenza coming into her life, then the most likely time it would have happened would have been when Joh was kidnapped and taken to the Nether. It's said that most of Meteli's guard force went to save him, including Sasha and Castor, and no doubt Glenda as well. She could have been killed in a fight with a Shadow Knight while trying to free Joh and brought back, but it seems unlikely nobody would notice. Not impossible, but unlikely.

Lucky me, I like working with near impossible odds. In the chaos of the Nether it's possible Glenda was killed and brought back without a second between them, forced to fight through because she either hadn't saved Joh yet, or he wasn't out of the Nether yet. I think they were overwhelmed and she easily could have fallen and sprung back up and continued fighting for him, only processing what had truly been done to her once Sasha was dead and they were back home.

Maybe Hayden knew. Maybe he promised to keep her secret because he cared about her, cared about keeping her at his side, cared about her still being a presence in their daughter's life. Glenda would then have to put her all into hiding it, into containing it, into fighting the calling that has tethered onto Cadenza or Hayden or both. Spending every waking moment ensuring that she isn't going to hurt the people she loves, or that she's going to be found out by anyone else.

Maybe Cadenza's roses do wilt when she walks past, so she avoids them. Avoids Cadenza. Calls it "giving her space to grow" when it's really space to keep her safe. If Cadenza's roses are wilting when she's too close, Glenda might fear what happens if she gets too close to Cadenza.

And then Cadenza goes missing.

Then Kenmur starts piping up about wanting to make change in Meteli, about how it's what Cadenza would have wanted when she isn't even there. Glenda may not have to worry about hiding from Cadenza anymore, and she knows Cadenza is alive, but she worries about her every day. Worries every day she's gone, every day Glenda spends keeping Hayden calm, keeping Kenmur from starting shit again, keeping Laurance off her back when he starts getting suspicious of her.

There's always so much she's handling, so much she's carrying. She used to love the weights she carried. The burden of Cadenza's body weight in her arms as she walked through Meteli babbling away about flowers, the heaviness of Cadenza's heart when she pours it out to her mother after it's first been broken. With Cadenza gone, she's still carrying so much, but she doesn't love it. Not like she used to.

And then while she's about to break, while the weight of everything is pushing her into the ground that she's already risen from, a Certain Someone has to write a Certain Clause to a Certain Document that changes everything for Glenda.

Because according to the now revised Oath that she has lived by for her entire adult life, she should end herself now before she can risk hurting Cadenza or Hayden anymore.

But she doesn't know how to kill a Shadow Knight.

So she runs.

She runs because she spent the last year of her life fighting to hold onto everything she cared about and in an instant it was all gone. She runs because without that she has nothing else to go home to. She can't be Hayden's guard, Cadenza is still missing, Joh is dead and Laurance is soon to follow in his or her example.

And when a Shadow Knight is alone and vulnerable and terrified of killing their family, that's when the Calling and the manipulative voices in her head start doing their work. That's when she starts losing the control she spent nearly a year of her life fighting, and she starts becoming susceptible to... Alternative means.

Wouldn't it be so much easier without those chains? Without that burden? If she let go of it all, severed herself from the people she loves, she'll never have to carry anything anymore. She'll be free of any weight that the world has unfairly put upon her, and she'll be allowed to live however she pleases.

But the life she wants to live can't exist if she severs those connections. She just wants to go back to living with Hayden, to spending late nights listening to Laurance and Cadenza yap by the fire place, to protecting the people she loves because that's how she measures her own value. If she kills them all, what does she have left?

This is why it takes her so long to act. Why Laurance can go to hell and back and Cadenza can be brought to her original form. Because Glenda can't actually decide whether or not it's worth it to kill Cadenza or Hayden. It's a possibility she'll consider, but one that she's still supremely hesitant to act on. For most of her time in isolation in the wilderness, Glenda isn't swayed by her calling the way a normal knight is.

The isolation gives her more room to breathe, think, and communicate with her calling. To try and reason with it and with herself for trying to reason with it. Even when she's alone Glenda is still fighting for something better for her family. She's still putting herself through constant mental anguish and trying to fight a seemingly unstoppable force just to put off the inevitable fate that she's been grappling with since that fateful day in the Nether.

Glenda would rather do anything than kill Cadenza.

So she makes her own plan. Pretends to murder Hayden to draw Cadenza to Meteli, but makes sure that her plans don't harm Hayden in a life threatening way. Because even if she's drawing Cadenza out to seemingly sacrifice her, she's still unable to fully hurt the man she spent so much of her life protecting. And when she captures the now alone Cadenza and takes her to the Nether portal...

And this is where I get really into headcanons--

Glenda wasn't going to kill Cadenza.

She was told by the Shadow Lord, by her calling, by that whisper in her ear that she could have everything she wanted without killing her family. If she just draws the magic out of Cadenza, maybe that will be enough to light the portal without killing her. Maybe then she'll be able to go to the Nether, slaughter whoever she has to to make this voice stop, and then go back to the life she's still desperately grasping onto.

Of course there's no real way for anyone else to know that she wasn't going to hurt Cadenza. The only person who could've thought that is Hayden, who's unconscious behind the wall. Aphmau sees her and shows instant hostility, so it is returned.

The canon of Minecraft Diaries never specifies how to kill a Shadow Knight, but my personal interpretation says that they need a blade blessed by the divine, bonus points if it's blessed by Irene. And you'll never guess what Aphmau woke up outside of Phoenix Drop with in her inventory--

Aphmau is able to kill Glenda. She's able to end her life and throw her body into the lava pit around them before Laurance gets there or Cadenza wakes up. She's able to protect Cadenza from the image of her mother as a monster, and they're all able to safely return home at the end of the day.

That's where Glenda's story seemingly ends.

Although...

It never is that simple is it?

After all, she got what she wanted. Cadenza is still alive. But at what cost? At the cost of every member of her family being threatened or killed by Shadow Knights, some of them becoming Shadow Knights, one of them trying to hurt her. Cadenza was taught to value the family she had after she lost her first one and now she's lost nearly every member of her family all fucking over again.

Poor girl.

[tobrodachi]

TIL that, surprisingly enough, animation software knowledge is hella useful in a hospitallary field for far more than making conversation to any graphical design patients, who'd've thunk

[canis-lunaris]

Introducing: The Wandering Witch AU

(With transgirl!Remus, questioning!Sirius and endless conversations about the metaphysics of wandless magic)

This is the latest installment of our various Wolfstar AU's with August, one we came up with while we were on a mini-holiday, celebrating our third anniversary.

In this universe, pureblood-supremacy is rampant, keeping the Wizarding World in the permanent dark ages. Muggle-born wizards are only allowed a wand upon being accepted at a magic school, and most institutions favour pureblood children over half-blood, or muggle-born students. Wands are registered and heavily regulated, including tracking-spells and random spot-checks for counterfeit, or unregistered wands by Ministry officials.

After a werewolf-attack at age 4, Remus Lupin’s father tries to teach her magic using his own wand, knowing she would never be allowed into Hogwarts. However, performing magic with someone else's wand is not only dangerous and illegal, but also extremely difficult. Remus — a savant, who can sense magical currents in a way none of her peers can — realises that she doesn't need a wand to focus her power, and instead develops her own way of casting — or spell-weaving, more accurately —, tying an intricate web of knots between intent and the ambient magical currents to shape reality to her will. While admittedly crude and volatile, her technique turns out surprisingly potent, which makes her more than capable of protecting herself against the many dangers of a transphobic, werewolf-hating world.

Because her condition places both her and her family in a vulnerable position (the "werewolf-issue is an ages-old favourite talking point of mainstream wizarding politics, including a fearmongering campaign designed to marginalise intelligent magical creatures and eradicate non-human magic users), the Lupins decide to avoid registering their child after the attack, relying on the help of muggle medicine and corrupt healers to nurse her back to health after the transformations. They move frequently, bouncing Remus from school to school, but once Remus has gotten a basic education, they settle down in an isolated cottage on the Scottish highlands, and her mum takes on the duty of homeschooling her.

Having been brought up in a mixed family and lived the majority of her life as a muggle, Remus is well-versed in the matters of 21st century life. Once they settle into their new home, she starts transitioning, takes up Luna as her middle name, but keeps Remus as her first name, refusing to abide by arbitrary societal rules about names being connected to certain genders, rather than the people wearing them. After both her parents meet a tragically early death in a car accident, Remus finds herself alone in the world, with both a house and a large sum of money to her name; she sells the cottage and spends her parents' life insurance settlement on getting bottom surgery, then sets out to travel the world, looking for someone, or something to find a meaningful connection with.

----------

On a glance, Cassandra Black is everything her most ancient and noble house could want for an heir. She is brilliant, powerful and a downright genious when it comes to magic; the only problem is, she's a bit too smart for her own good, and no amount of discipline can keep her from asking too many questions. The only thing her bewildered parents achieve with their constant, increasingly violent punishment is that young Cassandra stops asking them, and starts looking for answers of her own.

By the time she's 11, she's thoroughly disillusioned, worlds away from the conservative, blood-supremacist doctrines she was brought up with. Upon entering Hogwarts, she spends the first free breath of her life on convincing the Sorting Hat not to place her in Slytherin, a decision she pays for with the world as she knew it. In return, she gains a new, brighter one, full of friendship, adventure and budding romance — although dark secrets, stomach-turning injustice and bitter heartbreak too. When it comes to her parents' attention that she is sleeping with a witch, their treatment turns from toxic hostility to open abuse, severing all emotional ties between Cassandra and the House of Black. She spends five years as a proud Gryffindor, but by the time her 16th birthday rolls around, she feels like she'd learnt everything Hogwarts had to offer — the good and the bad alike. She decides not to return to the castle for the sixth year: instead, she uses the start of the school year to orchestrate an elaborate escape plan, that would make it impossible for her family to find her. She breaks her wand and vanishes into the night, never to be seen again.

British Wizarding society erupts in chaos, because even one as scandalous as the Black heiress, the mysterious disappearance of a 16-year-old, pureblood-aristocrat (and a witch, for that) brings the Ministry's messaging about public safety into question, and the story keeps the tabloids busy for the better part of a year. The family puts out an enticing bounty on their firstborn's head, but regardless of the spectacular reward, no one can locate Cassandra, and without a wand to track, she proves to be impossible to trace. Eventually, the tabloids move on and the story slowly fades into the background, although, en lieu of a body, they never officially assume her dead, and the family never gives up the secret search for their wayward, blood-traitor daughter.

----------

Three years later:

Somewhere, hidden in the mountains of Scotland, there is a halfway-house, for magical folks who need to get off the grid, for one reason or another. Remus is a regular visitor, using the shelter's reinforced cellar for the full moon, and taking her time to recover at the quaint little house for a while thereafter. Nobody bothers her there, and while people do use the retreat — it's always clean, stocked with food, healing items and clean bedding, among other obvious signs of habitation —, she'd never encountered any other guests during her visits. This time, however, an unpleasant surprise welcomes her, in form of a backpack and a half-drunk bottle of wine on the porch, and soon, she finds the owner of the items as well, lounging on her favorite sunning spot.

The stranger looks ragged; unkempt and malnourished, and when they speak, their voice sounds hoarse, like they haven't used it for a long time. Remus is immediately weary, even though the stranger looks very young and rather unimpressive, expect for the very posh accent and the fact that despite their extremely strong magical aura, they did look startled, almost terrified when Remus walked up behind them — and yet, their hand never even twitched to draw a concealed wand.

"I’m armed!" the stranger warns — maybe they expected a muggle? —, but still doesn't move to reveal any weapon. Remus is quite certain she could take them on in one-on-one combat regardless, should it come to that, but she finds it alarming that this runaway teen would survive alone in the wilderness for what seems like a considerable period; a feat that requires a number of skills and the kind of training that does not come with the elocution training the stranger's speech suggests. Not just the accent, the face too... Under the layers of dirt, severe sunburn and a fading black eye, there is just something eerily familiar about them.

She introduces herself as Remus — it's one of her favourite ways to quickly size up a person, based on their reaction to her obviously masculine name. She does the whole cheeky, "whatchagonnado" act she perfected throughout the years, expecting anything from a spiteful comment to a confused eyebrow-raise in response, but the stranger just nods and gives her a polite "hello, Remus", like this was the most normal interaction between two people who just met at a shelter for magical misfits, in the middle of fucking nowhere.

The stranger, however, is less forthcoming about their identity, and Remus has to openly ask for their name after 10 minutes of tense, but idle chitchat. The stranger blushes a deep red, and once again, there is that flash of panic in their eyes, before they blurt out "Sirius... Black."

"Oh."

Of course, Remus thinks, wondering how she missed it before. She knows exactly who Sirius is, or who they used to be — she'd seen this face a million times before; a younger, smoother version with fewer sharp angles and without the haunted look in their bloodshot eyes, but the very same face was once plastered all over Britain — on missing flyers, in front page news, later on wanted posters... 10.000 galleons are a fine bit of money for a head like this. She gives the stranger a sideways glance, and they glare right back at her, with a defiant expression that might have betrayed their famous origins, even without the esteemed family name. The Blacks, they do all look the same...

"Well, that answers the question whether you're a muggle" Sirius remarks with a bitter chuckle. "Look, I know what you're thinking. And yes, they do have the funds, but just so we are clear on this, if you move to draw, I'll attack you, and it's gonna be over before you ever reach your wand. You will lose, most likely die, and then I'll have to spend this lovely evening digging a hole for you in the woods instead of sharing a bottle of crappy wine. So, just don't, okay?"

Remus can't help but admire the kid's bravado — they aren't stupid, she can tell that much, if from nothing else, the fact that they somehow successfully evaded one of the most powerful magical families, and their countless footmen, for over three years without ever leaving a trace; and yet, they seem to know when they're outmatched.

"Who says I'd need to draw?" she smirks, hoping to provoke a quick duel out of the youth. She likes to get the power-struggle out of the way early on, just so nobody gets ideas while she's sleeping or in recovery. The young Black might turn out to be a reluctant ally, but they could mean real trouble after the full moon, if they were to follow family tradition in wanting to rid the world of a monster like herself. Three days left until the next transformation, which means she's at the height of her power, so taking Sirius out here and now would be the wisest, and she thinks she could do it without harming them too badly. Nothing she couldn't fix in a blink afterwards.

Sirius measures her with a curious squint, slowly raising their left hand into the air. All five fingers are adorned with a variety of silver rings, from plain, thin bands to heavy signets with rune-engraved stones. A web of glowing lines flare up on the back of their hand, spreading out from an intricate magic sigil on their wrist. They emit a faint, blueish white light, running along each finger to the tip, as Sirius charges up for a wandless spell. Flashy, but creative, Remus thinks, truly impressed for the first time. She's used to wizards relying on their wands to do the work for them, and she knows seven different ways to dismantle the connection before they ever get to fire off. The stranger's magic is different — it's raw and unpolished, but brutally powerful, and very complex, in a geometric sort of way. This would be more difficult than she initially thought, and she's unsure if she could immediately disarm Sirius without having to literally dis-arm them.

To avoid confrontation, she raises a hand in front of her too, conjuring a harmless little will-o-whisp in her palm — a trick she developed as a child, tied up on the bare cement floor of her parents' basement, waiting for the curse to take hold. There was no light in the basement; she was lonely, cold and terrified, so she made herself a friend, a cold flame to keep her company while she was waiting for the moon.

Sirius' eyebrows disappear somewhere under their tangled fringe, but their face lights up with a huge, mischievous grin:

"Remus, the girl raised by the wolves... You're not boring at all, are you?"

[xenteaart]

Diplomacy Failure

Summary: The Master and you have an established friendship, a bromance - you’re basically partners in crime. One day the Master comes up with this grand robbery scheme but it takes him months to plan the whole thing out properly, and by the end of it - he’s getting way too impatient and reckless. That’s where you step in.

Warnings: none, pure fluff again

Pairing: Dhawan!Master x Reader

Note: This was supposed to be a short thing so I decided not to create a whole ass backstory around it. The main reason why I wanted to write this was because I usually see MC being mostly submissive in fics (not that there’s anything wrong with it whatsoever) and I craved some diversity so here it goesss. 

Huge thanks and lots of love to my incredible beta @wonders-of-the-multiverse​ i love you to bits <3

The last few months have been hard to say the least. After years of knowing the Master you’d grown accustomed to his severe mood swings, but this was something else. 

Most of the time you never really bothered to get to know all the details of his typically complex and intricate schemes. You simply trusted him with those and did what he asked you to do, not taking any liberty to make your own decisions because he did know better. He was the one spending restless days and nights planning everything out after all, so you never really questioned anything. Until today. 

He was getting impatient and it wasn’t a good thing at all. 

The Master had an impressive set of skills, the ability to wait and execute slow-burn plans exceptionally well being one of them. However this time, he got way too invested in what he was doing, his near obsession leading you to believe it had something to do with the Doctor in the long run.

As for now, he needed to get his hands on something “very valuable and very important” and he was planning to steal it, of course. It was no common robbery though, the ship you were now finding yourselves on was huge. No, massive, so simply threatening a few creatures with his TCE and acquiring the object wasn’t a viable option. The ship’s obscenely advanced security systems were not working in your favor either.

The two of you were pretending to be a regular married couple, mere visitors to the event and so painfully ordinary in your nature as to not draw any attention. Keeping a low profile was essential.

The Master called from somewhere below the console where corridors led to the wardrobe room, and since you weren’t occupied with anything even remotely important you joined him right away. You were happy to merely see him and talk to him considering he now preferred the company of a thousand papers with all sorts of layouts, schemes, his own scribbles and something else in Gallifreyan that you had no way of understanding. 

“What’s that?” you asked, a little taken aback by his excessively fancy suit. 

“Your dress is right there, try it on and see if it fits,” he said casually as he looked in the mirror, ignoring your question and waving his hand at the sophisticated purple dress that was laid out on a nearby sofa. 

Ah. Matching outfits. He could never resist the drama of it.

You looked at the dress, the decoration on it exquisite and lavish. A quiet sigh escaped your lips as you tried not to laugh too loudly.

“If that’s for tomorrow, we’re not wearing that.” you uttered, not even trying to hide your amused grin at this point.

“What? Why?”

“Because we need to be wearing this,” you pointed at a horrendous blue suit and a dress of the matching color, the shade and design of both so ugly and simplistic that the clothing wouldn’t look good on either of you. 

A displeased frown flitted across the Master’s features.

“Come on, we need to look pitiful. Men of wealth love playing charity and chatting with lower class people, helping them out with whatever. It makes them feel better about themselves, boosts their ego.” you elaborated, your words heavily accompanied by expressive hand waving and vocal shifts.

He blinked a couple of times and looked at himself in the mirror again, trying to make peace with the idea of this fashion crime you were both about to commit.

The first step of his plan was relatively easy - he was doing the networking and you were doing the smiling as the two of you were slowly getting closer and closer to higher rank guests that were usually a little too drunk and clueless to not accidentally give away the information you needed most, that being - where the security control room was located. Getting a sample of some rich and wasted guest’s DNA was also part of the job since they all had unlimited access to all parts of this ship. As of now, you were getting a feeling you were never even going to make it to that point. 

The Master wasn’t very good at tolerating stupidity, especially when nobody knew and feared who he was. To all of these arrogant and self-absorbed upper class assholes, he was literally a peasant. Little did they know. 

You could see his hand playing with the TCE in his pocket as he was seriously considering whether to take it out and end this shitshow here and now. That would probably feel really good for a couple of minutes but then both of you would be captured and very likely executed on the spot because no matter how intimidating and dangerous the Master was - the quantity of creatures on the ship would be an undeniable advantage on their side. Plus, he’d spent so much time on plan A, there wasn’t any room for plan B, you figured.

Granted, dying wasn’t something the Master was ever afraid of. But you were human with no spare lives, so his impatience would mean very bad news for you.

“Don’t you want to take a break from this?” you asked timidly, standing in the doorway and not daring to let yourself into the Master’s working space just yet since knocking on the door did nothing to catch his attention. 

He was rapidly glancing all over the papers, his mind being evidently busy with something of more significance than your presence. 

“I can get you some coffee if you like? Or... anything at all, really,” you made another attempt at starting a conversation but it was met with silence once again, except this time you noticed hints of irritation in the way he was making notes and moving things around his table, mercilessly digging his pen into his notebook and purposely making a lot more noise while searching for something buried under these piles of paper.

“Yeah, no worries then.” you sighed as you saw yourself out of the room. 

You were getting fed up with this.

As you were standing next to him and contemplating your options, you felt the air around you change a little. It was an insignificant shift but you were particularly sensitive to emotional fields people and other creatures tended to create, and right now the atmosphere did not feel friendly.

You looked at the Master and then back at the greenish humanoid looking creature he was talking to. The conflict was clearly starting to develop, filling the space around you with tension and unease. 

You were so close to the control room, you couldn’t let that happen. There were only a few more floors you had to pass in order to get to the royalty hall where your main mission would be taking place. 

“For Christ’s sake.” you thought to yourself, recognizing the familiar burning anger in the Master’s eyes as he was slowly losing his already weak grasp on his temper and reaching for his pocket, his actions now fuelled with proper intention of making the man pay for his disrespect and bad manners.

The problem with the Master was - no matter how brilliant and clever his ideas were, his emotions and temper would always get in the way. You had to learn it the hard way by nearly getting killed a couple of times because of it in the past. But pissing off a few soldiers and running away was one thing, and acting hostile on a space station sized ship with no quick way out was a completely different story. 

“I am so sorry, sir, my husband suffers from this terrible condition,” you spoke as you looked at the Master intensely, doing your best to wordlessly communicate with him and beg him to stay silent, “where he gets unreasonably aggressive when he’s upset.”

The man’s expression was now plagued with confusion but it was a good sign, you thought. He was paying attention.

“He’s just frustrated we can’t yet afford to lead a life like yours, sir. Isn’t that right, darling?” you patted the Master on the back, your voice now so sugary sweet it made you want to vomit, but you were committed to your little act and nothing could stop you.

“Please forgive our jealousy, we simply wish to be more like you but it pains us to realize we’re a long way away from that,” saying this made your skin itch, and you were pretty sure the Master’s eye was twitching a little. You looked at him briefly and noted he was indeed… puzzled. 

Your flattery seemed to work wonders on the man’s self esteem, though, his facial expression momentarily switching to pity and its default arrogance mixed with pride. 

You tried not to make eye contact with the Master as you were escorting him away, your hand wrapped around his elbow. Your heart was beating a little too fast for your liking, and your main concern for now was peacefully leaving the floor and avoiding any more fuss on the way because, honestly, you were getting angry yourself.

---

“What the hell was that?” was the first thing he asked you as soon as you both entered the TARDIS safely, the two of you still slightly out of breath from your usual cardio on your way back; the desired object sitting securely in the Master’s pocket.

“I was actually going to ask you this exact same question, how convenient.” you snapped, kicking off your heels and making your way to the console barefoot, the cold metal floor having a soothing effect on your aching feet.

The Master gave you a grim look as he took off his ridiculous and evidently uncomfortable jacket, and swiftly marched towards you. His intimidating aura rarely had any impact on you and you didn’t even flinch at his intrusion of your personal space. You knew all too well he would never hurt you deliberately. 

“I did not allow you to intervene.” 

“You should have seen your face, darling,” you said mockingly, maintaining intense eye contact as if it was a competition on who looks away first. 

“You should have heard your voice, such sweetness and flattery I was worried you were gonna kiss his ring at the end of your speech or something,” he spat out his words with grimaced disgust. 

The two of you stared at each other in complete silence for about half a minute, and your facade dropped first. You burst into laughter, giggling obnoxiously at the memory of the Master’s pure and sincere confusion. You’d never seen him so baffled and mad, the funniest thing of it all being the fact that he had to comply and play along. It made you a little proud of yourself.

The corner of the Master’s lips twitched, his stubbornness and denial still fighting his urge to crack up, but a couple of moments later he finally joined you. Any trace of annoyance was long gone, and a wide smile took over his person as he laughed out loud with you. 

“Idiot.” he commented, still chuckling and grinning while also unbuttoning his lousy shirt. You both wanted to get out of those trashy clothes as soon as possible. 

You suddenly went quiet. With no further talking you simply stepped forwards and hugged the Master tightly, burying your nose in the crook of his neck.

“I’ve missed you.”

He hugged you back, resting one of his hands on your head and ruffling your hair, so very aware of how much you hated it. 

“Missed you too, fool.”

[stephkaylor]

FAVES and FAILS: The Vampire Diaries

So I have decided that since The Vampire Diaries has a spin off, The Originals, I am going to divide the characters based on where they appeared the most. So on this list I will be talking about the Salvatores, the Petrova/Gilbert line, the Bennets and Caroline, etc. but I will discuss the Mikaelsons, Hayley, etc. on their own list with the other characters that appeared on The Originals mostly. As always, spoilers are abound as I will discuss storylines and character arcs below, so be warned of that.  In any case, here’s my FAVES and FAILS for The Vampire Diaries. 

FAVORITE MALE CHARACTER: Damon Salvatore

Could it be anyone else? I don’t think so. He’s a delightful little sociopathic shit and I love everything about him. He is 99% id and 1% ego, if that, and even when I hated him, I loved him (god, I sound like Elena…). In any case, love this man, five stars, would recommend, chef’s kiss. 

LEAST FAVORITE MALE CHARACTER: …I think Matt Donovan…?

Ugh, it’s hard to pick between Matt, Tyler, and Jeremy, but I think it has to be Matt. I never enjoyed his judgey attitude against everything supernatural, he seemed pretty whiney most of the time, and he was just genuinely uninteresting for the majority of the show.  Not into it. Pass.

FAVORITE FEMALE CHARACTER: Katherine Pierce (Katarina Petrova)

I thought about giving this post to Caroline by default, but if it comes down to it, Katherine nudges her way into the top spot. Katherine gave no fucks, knew what she wanted and was unapologetic about how she went about getting it, and an all around bad bitch. Was she primarily evil? Yes. But, to be honest, it never really bothered me. 

LEAST FAVORITE FEMALE CHARACTER: Bonnie Bennet

God, this woman was annoying. She was hypocritical, judgmental, and far too holier than thou for me to swallow her bullshit. She constantly played favorites with Caroline and Elena (I’m sorry, you hold Caroline becoming a vampire against her for like two seasons, but when Elena becomes one, it’s not her fault? Sure.). She hated all supernatural creatures because they “go against nature”, but it’s totally chill for you to perform sacrificial magic to get what you want, unleashing a terrible evil in the process (but it’s not her fault). How she nearly excommunicated Caroline just because she stayed with Stefan after Stefan killed Enzo, as if it was her fault in any way. How everyone treated her like she was a special little unicorn because she’s a Bennet Witch and she’s so magical, like, please, gag me. I could go on, but I honestly cannot be bothered. Hard pass. 

THE CHARACTER THAT DESERVED BETTER: Caroline Forbes

She was essentially shunned by all of her friends and family for becoming a vampire, even though she didn’t choose to become one at all. Also, she was basically used as collateral damage for the entire Salvatores and Gilberts versus The Mikaelsons debacle just because Klaus liked her. She was always the second choice no matter what the situation was (unless it’s her being impregnated with magical twins without her consent and then guilted into carrying the babies, but poor Alaric just lost his wife. I’m sorry, unless it’s your uterus, shut the fuck up). I’ll just be over here doing what exactly NO ONE on the show did, and pick Caroline first.

DEADWEIGHT CHARACTER WE SHOULD’VE DUMPED IN 2009: Tyler Lockwood

I couldn’t pick Matt twice, so Tyler, I guess. He was selfish, a terrible boyfriend to both Caroline and also Liv later, and if I have to hear that boy whine about his fucking sire bond one more time I will literally throw my laptop off of a bridge. 

UNDERHYPED CHARACTER: Lorenzo “Enzo” St. John

Honestly, he’s one of the one things that made the last few seasons of the show bearable.  His delightful British rogue was a lovely way to fill the void that the Mikaelsons left in my heart, his devil-may-care attitude was man-made-manifest of what I was always thinking while watching the show, his BFF relationship with Damon and later Caroline was a joy to watch, and he was way too good for Bonnie. 

OVERHYPED CHARACTER: Alaric Saltzman

He is marginally more bearable right now on Legacies, but he annoyed the shit out of me while he was on the first show. Does he hate vampires or is he best friends with them? Does he want to be a hunter or does he want to stay away from anything supernatural of any kind? Also, he (along with nearly everyone else) basically guilted Caroline into carrying his magical siphoner babies, which is a touch too icky for me…

SHIP YOU WOULD SELL YOUR SOUL FOR: Delena (Damon and Elena)

Could it be anyone else? I never shipped Stelena, as I found both Stefan annoying and Elena too woe-is-me while she was with him. She made Damon want to be a better person and he made her embrace who she really was, monster and all. They had a perfect balance between themselves, and it was a joy to watch. He got the girl, guys. 

SHIP YOU JUST WERE’N THAT INTO: Steroline (Stefan and Caroline)

They were just too…meh. I was entirely uninterested in them, whatsoever, and isn’t that even worse than a ship that you hate? I used their scenes for a bathroom break or to get a snack, as I was guaranteed to miss nothing interesting or important while they were on screen. 

CHARACTER YOU LOVE TO HATE/FAVORITE VILLAIN: Kai Parker

What does it say about me that all of my favorite characters are violent psychopaths…? I’m just going to leave that to be unpacked with the future therapists I’m bound to hire. Kai was the perfect evil. He was powerful, purposeful, and unapologetically demonic in the very best way. I could watch him terrorize my favorite characters forever and not get bored.  Perfection.

FAVORITE STORYLINE: Stefan and Damon’s Brotherhood

If you don’t think this is what the show was about at it’s core, you’re wrong. They loved each other, they hated each other, they died for each other, they killed for each other, and, ultimately, they let nothing and nobody come between them. If you asked me who Damon loved more, Elena or Stefan, I COULD NOT answer you, and isn’t that just the fucking point?!

STORYLINE WE COULD’VE DONE WITHOUT: Magical Babies

I know that a major reason this was even a storyline is because Candice Accola got pregnant, but still…how? Like…she is a vampire..? She is unable to biologically change…? Like can someone grab me a biology textbook and explain how this a thing that can happen BIOLOGICALLY, please? I get that they are mythical creatures, so science doesn’t mean much here, but it just doesn’t make sense in any universe. Also, as I said above, the fact that Caroline was impregnated without her consent and then largely guilted into carrying the babies is a touch too rape-y for me…

BIGGEST PLOTHOLE: Do they go to school, or…? 

Like, are they just compelling the teachers to not notice them not attending class like 90% off the time? Also, how do the people in Mystic Falls not know anything about the supernatural? Like, they aren’t subtle AT ALL so how do they keep sliding under the radar? Also, in a lesser way, how are hybrid witch/vampires a thing? Like, I thought if a witch dies (like they would have to if they become a vampire), they lose their magic…?Make it make sense, Julie!

MOST HEARTBREAKING MOMENT: Damon Dies (the first time)

Honestly one of the saddest moments in the entire series was Damon’s ghost watching Elena lose it when he doesn’t make it back from the Other Side. They were finally happy and together and they can only enjoy it for like five minutes before it goes to shit. Why, Julie??!

BIGGEST EYEROLL MOMENT: Magical Babies (again)

I try to not use something twice on this list but COME ON. This was ridiculous and I do not support this in any way.  (Also this twin bullshit is still fucking annoying on Legacies, if anyone was wondering).

MOST SHOCKING MOMENT (any spit-takes?): Elena forces Kathrine to take The Cure

This was one of the moments that I literally gasped aloud. Most of the time the foreshadowing on these shows is seen from miles away, but I honestly did not see this coming at all. Also, Kathrine was basically the LAST person who wanted that cure so it’s crazy that she was the one to end up taking it and turning human.

MOST BADASS MOMENT: Kathrine kisses Damon at the end of Season 1

Like I said before, she is the original BAD BITCH of the show (not an actual Original, but you know what I mean…) and this was an amazing entry for the character who would be, largely, the villain of the series. It played on the feelings that Damon is developing for Elena, it finally introduced the person who started it all for the Salvatores, and it showed us exactly who she is at her core, and that she isn’t sorry about it at all.

SERIES FINALE SATISFACTORY LEVEL (use no words, just gifs):

OVERALL MARKS OUT OF TEN (10 being this show has changed your life for the better, you happily rewatch the series over and over, and the show has made your life better in some way. 1 being this show gave you nothing but trust issues, a stomach ulcer, and high blood pressure, and you honestly do not know why you did this to yourself) 

7 out of 10. 

I look back on The Vampire Diaries with the kind of fondness that only comes from a bizarre mix of nostalgia and incredulity. When scenes from this series show up on my instagram feed or on my Youtube recommended page, an involuntary smile creeps across my face without me realizing. I could do without like half of the characters and some entire seasons were completely unnecessary to watch, but it gave me some of my very favorite characters and ships, and spawned an entire universe that I still enjoy to this day. This magical, crazy, beautiful world was a joy to experience, even when it made me want to beat my head against a wall at least once per season.

If you want to see the other ones I have made, here's the original post with links. x  Hope you like these! (I say to probably no one...)

[kamechan98]

Young, Stupid, Broke And Ridiculously Happy

Prompt: “When I picture myself happy… it’s with you.”

Tony sighed for the umpteenth time in the last fifteen minutes and looked down at his watch again. 17:48. A minute had passed since the last time he looked at it. He sighed again and took a sip of his coffee. It was his third cup of coffee and the barista had looked at him a little funny when he had come back for the third time for another one, but Tony just couldn’t bring himself to care. He’d been waiting for hours now and the coffee help his worry, if only a little.

The waiting had already been unbearable ever since Steve had left for 10 months; he had to make it worse by being late? And it wouldn’t be so bad if he was only a few minutes late, like ten minutes or so, and that was including the time it took to get off the plane, get through the arrival terminal and getting his bags. But he was almost thirty-seven minutes late by now and Tony was really getting antsier by the minute.

Sigh and groan.

Another sip of coffee.

Tony had always been told he needed to work on his patience, but considering Tony had been waiting for 10 months for this day to come, dragging it out like this felt really unnecessary, not to mention unbearable. And maybe it was the caffeine or his own inability to stay still for more than a few seconds at a time or a combination of the two, but he was practically vibrating in place and had to fight against himself so wouldn’t start jumping around or run back and forth between here and the gate or something else that would make him like stupid.

Steve had promised that this would be the last time. “One last tour, Tony. One last tour and then I’m here to stay. I promise, just give me these last 10 months and then I’m all yours. I’ll leave the army forever and we’ll build a life and home together. I give you my word.”

Tony had of course not liked this. How could he? Another ten months of his boyfriend putting himself in danger and possibly dying in some morgue in Syria, yeah wasn’t that the dream of every young man in the world? But of course he’d eventually been forced to accept it all and had driven Steve to the airport a few weeks later, followed him to the security check and hugged and kissed him goodbye. It had taken all of Tony’s strength not to break down into a sobbing mess on the floor when Steve had placed his dog tags around Tony’s neck, like he always did before leaving for a tour, and had given him one last kiss before leaving and disappearing into the crowd, leaving Tony to drive home to an empty apartment.

The first few days had been torture and had spent a lot of time in bed, on the couch watching TV or sleeping through his classes at MIT. But eventually he’d been forced to get off his ass and get his life back on track. He went to his classes, got his second PhD at MIT and started to work on getting a third one while also working his part-time job as a car mechanic. He hung out with his friends one occasion, as they graduated all college and started to live their own busy adult lives. He hung out with Rhodey and helped him pick out an engagement ring for Carol and eventually try to propose (she totally beat him to it!), he, Clint, Rhodey, Sam and Thor had their Guys’ Night once a week, either getting drinks at a bar or went bowling or whatever and he bonded with Natasha over having your boyfriend overseas while they were stuck at home not knowing what was happening to their significant other. Though Tony couldn’t help but feel jealous of her, since Bucky was still home had already left the army on account of his amputated arm from his last tour.

The months did pass, if slowly, and he did receive letters from Steve- he was old-fashioned like that- telling him what was going on (as much as he could, anyway) and reassuring him that he was alright and everything was going well. He would tell him how much he loved and missed him, how he couldn’t wait to see him and would give little details or ideas for the future they wanted together.

‘We’d have to take simple jobs for while, obviously, but when we get enough money, we’ll move back to New York. Both of us are born and bred New Yorkers, we both love it there and we could have a really nice- though probably small- apartment in our city.’

‘Imagine a view over Central Park. Obviously that would be years away, even with the best of jobs to offer for kids like us. But a nice penthouse in with view like that, wouldn’t that be something?’

‘How would you feel about getting a dog? Or maybe a cat? I know we haven’t talked much about pets, but I have always wanted a dog, so how would you feel about it?’

‘I know I’ve said it like a thousand times, but God I really want to marry you someday. And I know we don’t have a lot of money right now, but once we do, I’d love to marry you. We’ll have a great wedding and we’ll invite all our friends and family and have a great time. But I really just want to spend the rest of my life with you.’

Tony smiled, just a tad dopily, in the middle of the busy, crowded airport just thinking about those letters with his hand tightly clenching the dog tags around his neck. Steve always had that effect on him, with all his sappiness and lovey-dovey words and promises. And for all of Tony’s big talk of how ridiculous and overly sappy he was and how he needed to stop being so sappy, he really loved it. Maybe it was because of the lack of love his family had showed him over the course of his life, but Steve had always found ways to get through Tony’s tough exterior and the walls he surrounded his heart with, even back when they had first met in grade school and especially after they had started dating in high school.

He had dated other people before Steve, of course he had, but no one had been like Steve. Steve, who was loving, caring and kind and the sweetest and most amazing man on the planet. Steve, who was honest and sincere utterly devoted to Tony and making sure he was happy, either by making Tony coffee every morning before he went to class or making sure he ate and slept somewhat regularly. Steve, who told Tony he loved him every single day and kissed Tony good morning and good night.

Steve had been everything he ever wanted in a boyfriend and more; he was kind and caring, funny, witty and always seemed to be able to make Tony smile. He was one of the few people in the world that could out-stubborn him and wasn’t not afraid to call him on his bullshit or get into arguments- both light-hearted ones and more serious ones- with him and refuse to back down before Tony did or before one of them made a good enough point to prove that the other was wrong. He was also always there to ground Tony whenever he was getting lost in work or just needed to get his head out of his crazy ideas and reined him in when he was being reckless.

And while Steve had started out being skinny and shorter than Tony, he eventually hit a major growth spurt and shot past Tony and grew muscles in places Tony didn’t know had muscles, which not only made him very attractive (not that Tony hadn’t thought he was before, but c’mon, the guy had serious abs and muscles) but also developed a protective streak and would stand up to anyone who tried to hurt or bully Tony. Steve had always been an amazing friend, one of Tony’s best friends ever, but after having asked him out and eventually confessed his feelings, he had become the kind of boyfriend that only seemed to exist in those ‘Relationship Goals’ posts he saw on Instagram. But as sappy and lovey-dovey as Steve was, Tony had fallen head over heels in love with him and knew he never wanted to let go of him.

Howard had blown a gasket over Tony falling for the ‘broke, lowly nobody from Brooklyn’ he had met in grade school and that had been the point where he really wanted to disown Tony, which he eventually did once Tony went to college, moved into a small apartment with Steve and made it very clear he wasn’t going to do whatever Howard wanted him to do with his life, i.e. take over Stark Industries and make weapons like him. Tony, however, had never let that bother him too much. He was young and in love and who was Howard to tell him to live his life anyway? Steve was the best thing that had ever happened to him and Tony would be the biggest moron on this side of the universe if he ever let him go. Jarvis had told him on the day he had graduated college, after Steve had hugged him and kissed him and told him how proud he was of him, that “finding someone as loving, devoted and loyal this is a rare, once in a blue moon occurrence, especially at your age. Don’t waste it, Young sir.” And it was a piece of advice that he was very happy to follow, even three years later.

Tony smiled again, his eyes getting a little wet with emotion and still clutching those dog tags very tightly, when a voice broke through his thoughts, making his head jerk up and his breath got stuck in his throat.

“Tony!”

Finally.

Steve was coming in through the gates, running as fast as he could with all the people around him, more or less shoving people aside when he couldn’t run around them. He was looking around the airport, clearly looking for someone; his face was a mix of eager impatience and held back anticipation.

“Tony!”

Steve. Steve was here, alive and whole and all right.

He was finally home.

Tony was running before he even fully realized he was moving at all. He bumped into some guy, the half-full take-away cup of coffee flying out of his hand and onto the floor and he almost slipped in the puddle of coffee as he ran faster. He heard somewhere behind him someone yelling at him for making a mess, but he couldn’t care less, because Steve was home and he was here, only a few feet away from him and fuck it if Tony was gonna waste another second waiting any longer. He cried out “Steve!” but just that second there was an announcement over the loudspeakers, which kinda drowned out his voice.

Steve must’ve heard the yell however, or spotted Tony moving, because he finally turned in his direction and the smile that spread across his face threatened to split his face in two. He threw his bags down and started running too and before Tony’s brain could fully process it all, he threw his arms around Steve, wrapped his arms tightly around Steve’s neck and pressed his face into the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent and letting tears of relief and happiness fall, the weight that he had been carrying around for a whole year now finally lifting and disappearing.

“Steve.” He whispered into his boyfriend’s neck, only barely keeping his sobs at bay, though when he heard, and felt, that Steve was also struggling to hold back his own tears it felt a little easier to release them.

“Tony.” Steve whispered back into Tony’s hair, his grip around Tony tightening and Tony gasped a little when he was suddenly lifted of floor and spun around like a girl in a romantic movie. He tightened his grip around Steve as he was spun around, more out of instinct than anything else, but whatever. The closer he could be to Steve right now the better.

“You’re here. You’re home. Oh my god, Steve, I’ve missed you so much!” Tony could barely speak through the tears and sobs, but he managed to rein them in enough to be at least somewhat understood while still crying. Though, given how Steve was shaking about as much as Tony was at the moment, he probably couldn’t talk much more than Tony at the moment.

Steve drew a shaky breath and sniffled loudly before finally talking. “Yeah, I’m here now. I’m home, oh Tony, you have no idea how much I’ve missed you.” He gently put Tony back down on the ground but pressed him close up to his chest, burying his face in Tony’s hair.

Tony sniffed and nuzzled his face into Steve’s shirt, wiping tears and snot on the fabric and finding himself unable to care in the slightest. “I’m not letting you leave again. You’re not gonna go anywhere near that shit again, you’re gonna stay right here with me forever from now on, do you hear me? That’s not a suggestion, it’s an order Soldier.”

Steve huffed a wet laugh and pressed his cheek against Tony’s head, his arms tightening around him, so much that it kinda hurt and made it a little hard to breathe. But, again, whatever, Tony could take it. He and Steve hadn’t seen each other for a whole year; he would take it all the attention and love Steve had to give him.

“Well, I guess I have my orders, General Stark. And trust me, I have no intentions of ever letting you go, ever again. I thought I made that clear when we were still in high school.”

Tony chuckled and pressed a kiss on Steve’s throat before gently pulling away to get a better look of him. Steve tried to keep him close, gently trying to push him back into his chest, but Tony eventually managed to pull back enough to get a good look of his boyfriend.

Steve was dressed in his army uniform, sans the hat, his blonde hair was a shaggy and messy and he had grown a scruffy beard in the time he had been gone. He had no visible injuries, bruises or abrasions on his person and though he looked a bit skinner than he had been since Tony last saw him, he looked fairly alright considering the circumstances, aside from his eyes and face being wet and red with tears.

Tony smiled widely and raised his hands to Steve’s face, gently stroking the apples of his cheeks and tried to wipe away his tears- though that turned out to be rather futile as more tears just kept coming anyway- which made Steve’s smile widen back at him and put his own hands over Tony’s as he leaned into his touch, squeezing them tightly and pressing them to his face.

It almost looked like Steve was trying to convince himself that he was finally home and with his boyfriend again just as much as Tony was.

Tony chuckled softy, stood on his toes to kiss Steve’s nose and then buried his fingers in Steve’s beard. “Okay, some real talk here, babe, what the hell is this? Do they not let you shave in Syria? Or are we trying to be the next Robinson Crusoe?

Steve laughed softly and squeezed Tony’s wrists, blinking away the remaining tears from his eyes. “No, no, they do. I guess I’ve just been busy thinking about other stuff to bother with things like shaving.”

Tony smiled teasingly at him with a raised eyebrow. “Oh yeah? Like what?”

Steve smiled down at him with such adoration and unquestionable love that it made Tony’s stomach drop and his heart stutter and he almost teared up again. He gently let go of Tony’s wrists and reached out one hand towards Tony’s face, gently stroking his knuckles over his cheek and wiping a tear away with his thumb.

“Making it home to you.” He placed a kiss on Tony’s forehead. “I meant what I said before, you know. I’m here to stay, Tony, for as long as you’ll have me. You have to know that I adore you and I want to spend forever with you. I’m done leaving you behind for these missions, I promise. From today, I’m done. It’ll be just you and me from now on, if you’ll have me.”

“Of course I’ll have you. I love you more than anything in my life.” Tony wanted to say, but he couldn’t get the words out. His tongue was frozen in his mouth and he couldn’t get it to work for him.

Steve continued with a soft smile, but he also looked… well, kinda emotional. He let go of Tony’s face and took his hands, holding them tightly. “Tony, you know I mean it, right? I adore you, Tony. I love everything about you and don’t ever want us to be apart for this long ever again.”

He paused and looked down at the floor, suddenly looking smaller and not quite as confident as he usually did.

“I know my degree doesn’t count for much. There’s limited jobs for people with an Art’s Degree and I don’t have much as it is. I have absolutely nothing to offer you that is up to the standards that you are used to, but if you let me, I’ll do everything I can make sure to treat you to everything I can, especially after everything I’ve put you through with my tours and work in the army. Not to mention how your asshole father has treated you throughout your life. You deserve to be treated like a prince and I’ll dedicate my life to make sure you get everything you deserve.”

“Steve…” Tony’s mouth was suddenly dry as a dessert and he could barely move or talk, only stare up at his boyfriend.

Steve smiled and placed one hand over Tony’s cheek, stroking his thumb under Tony’s eye. “I mean it, sweetheart. You’ve had such a rough life and you’ve still turned out an amazing man. You’re smart, kind, brave, generous, funny and you’ve worked so hard to get where you are today and I’m so proud of you and to be your boyfriend. And I know we’re young and stupid and just a bit above broke, but I don’t care, I want you now and forever. I’ve thinking a lot of this and when I picture myself happy…” He leaned down and pressed a kiss on Tony’s mouth. “It’s with you.”

Tears were falling from Tony’s eyes by this point and he was just barely holding back his sobs and his smile was so big it physically hurt. He sniffed and tried to snark back at Steve but it didn’t come out quite as snarky as he had wanted and more like a sob.

“Man Rogers, you can’t keep giving me this much sap, you’ll give me cavities.” Not his best line, but it was the best he could deliver considering the circumstances.

Steve chuckled and pressed a kiss to Tony’s forehead. “Well, I’ll buy you a new toothbrush and toothpaste before we get home then. But before that, I have something I have to ask.” He squeezed the hand he was still holding before letting go and taking a small step back.

And then he got down on one knee.

Tony was vaguely aware of gasps of shock and anticipation from the crowd of people around them but he was stuck staring at Steve with wide eyes and his jaw hanging open, his hands flying up to cover his wide open mouth. Steve took out a small, black box from his pocket, popped it open and revealed a ring. It was fairly modest ring, nothing too extravagant or fancy, just simple golden band and a small diamond at the center.

It was the most beautiful ring Tony had ever seen.

Steve smiled widely up at him. “Tony Stark, you are the love of my life and I want you to be my partner in everything. Will you marry me?”

‘Oh my God.’ That was the only thing going through his mind at the moment. ‘He’s proposing. He’s actually fucking proposing to me!’

Tony hadn’t given marriage too much thought since before dating Steve, and even then it wasn’t until their relationship had started to become serious. But after having talked to Steve about it, after having read Steve’s letters and how much he loved him and that he really wanted to spend the rest of his earthly days with him.

And God, if it wasn’t everything Tony had ever wanted.

Tony was nodding with happy tears running down his face, saying “Yes, yes, yes!” over and over again before running up to Steve and throwing himself around his neck again. Steve wrapped his arms tightly around Tony before lifting him off his feet again and spinning him around. He heard cheers and applause around them, but paid them no heed; the only thing going through his head at the moment was ‘Oh My God, Steve Rogers just asked me to fucking marry him!’

Steve pressed kisses on every inch of skin he could reach, arms tightly wrapped around his waist spinning him around for a good minute before putting Tony down on his feet again, though Tony still had his arms around Steve’s neck and Steve placed his hands on his hips. He had a big, blinding smile and tears in his eyes.

He chuckled disbelievingly. “21 years old, son of one of the biggest minds and business men of the last century and has enough brains and passion to revolutionize the world one day, and you’d settle for a broke, art graduate and soldier from Brooklyn? One day you’ll have the entire world at your feet, able to take your pick, and you still choose me.” He pressed his forehead to Tony’s. “You still want me.”

Tony tried to smirk, but it looked less cocky and confident and more wide and joyous and tearful. “Steve, babe, two things: First, this is not me ‘settling’ for you. I have dated several people before you and no one has ever been as good to me as you. Even Pepper, bless her heart, had a rocky time with all of my broken parts and ugly history. Sure, maybe ten years from now I will be successful and rich and have a big house and ten cars or whatever, but no one in the world could ever be better to me than you.”

Steve’s smile widened and a few more tears fell down his cheek and Tony raised his hands to his face, gently wiping them away. “And two, how long have we been friends? Fifteen years? You have always been the best friend I could ever ask for, even before you asked me on a date, or confessed you loved me. You’ve looked after me when I was in trouble; let me cry on your shoulder after fights with my dad or when a boyfriend or girlfriend turned out to be a bust. And you’ve always been there for me to rein me in when I get lost in work or school or when I’m just being stupid, when I’m being an asshole or when I just need to get my head out of my ass. You have always been there for me, even before I was a genius and dad tried to exploit it.”

Tony smiled and had to clear his throat so his sobs wouldn’t make his voice crack. He stroked one hand over Steve’s bearded cheek. “So what kind of idiot would I be to let go of the best thing that ever happened to me?”

Steve’s eyes were overfilled with tears at this point and Tony pressed a kiss on his nose, leaning in close to his ear. “Now, let’s go home. We’ll pick up pizza on the way home.” He slowly started to pull away, but Steve grabbed his hand before he got too far away.

“Of course, but first,” He took the ring out of the box and gently put it on Tony’s ring finger. Tony gently pulled his hand out of Steve’s grip to get a closer look at it, and now that he wasn’t in complete surprise by Steve proposing and he got a closer look at it, he recognized it very quickly.

“Steve, this is your mom’s ring!” Steve smiled widely and placed his arms around Tony’s waist.

“Yes it is. She gave it to me when I told her I wanted to ask you to marry me. I had to go and have it a bit adjusted so it would fit your finger, but other than that it the exact same ring.” He blushed a little and rubbed the back of his head. “I… heh, carried it with me everywhere while in Syria. For motivation, I guess. I figured if I kept carrying it around with me it would help me remember what I had back home. That I had the love of my life waiting for me back home and I really, really wanted to marry him.”

Tony smiled and huffed a small laugh, a few tears forming in his eyes before blinking them away. “Yeah? And how did that work for you?”

Steve smirked and shrugged lightly. “I’m here, aren’t I? I’d say it worked out just great for me. Especially since I have you know.” He placed his arm around Tony’s shoulders and hugged him close, letting Tony rest his head in the crook of his neck.

Tony ran a finger over the golden band and the diamond and then looked up at Steve again. He smiled softly at him, and then he smirked and hip checked Steve in the side. “You realize that if dad ever finds out about this he’ll skin you alive, chop your balls off and turn them into Christmas ornaments, right? He hates your guts, probably blames you for my decision to turn my back on the company.”

Steve smirked back but there was a dangerous fire in his blue eyes. “Yeah I know, but fuck Howard Stark, I’m not afraid of him. If he has anything to say about our engagement or relationship he can say it to my face. If he has the balls that is.”

Steve smiled and his eyes softened, placing both hands on Tony’s shoulders and looked him straight in the eyes, his eyes are full of sincerity and love. “Tony, you shouldn’t think too much about Howard and what he’ll think. I have never cared about his opinion; I hate him just as much as he hates me. But I love you and I want you, and if that means I have to deal with him being a dick about it, I’ll gladly deal with that.” He lifted one hand and stroke it over Tony’s cheek. “I love you enough to handle anything. I’ve seen war at this point, I doubt there’s anything Howard Stark can say or do to keep us apart or make me stop loving you.”

Tony’s mouth was open, eyes wide and started to fill with tears again, but he started to blink, hoping to kill them before they could fall and he chuckled. “Fuck you, Rogers. You’ve made me cry like five times in less than thirty minutes today, you fucking asshole. I should give you the ring right back for making me this emotional today, you know I hate feelings.”

Steve laughed fondly and gently stroke his hand through Tony’s hair, pressing a light kiss to his temple. “Oh? Well, I guess I’ll have to change your mind then. How about I buy us some dinner, you pick a movie and we’ll have a nice long night together. And over the weekend, we’ll have some fun. You choose what we do, for the whole weekend, no work or anything like that. Just you and me, what do you say?”

Tony smiled teasingly and bumped his shoulder against Steve’s arm. “Well, I guess that’s a good start.”

Steve smirked and then crouched down a little, one arm around Tony’s shoulders, but when he tried to place his arm around the back of Tony’s knees, Tony stepped away and smiled.

“Uh, not that I’m against what you’re thinking at the moment, but don’t you think you need both hands for your bags?” Steve blinked, a bit surprised and looked back over his shoulders at the bags he had dumped on the floor. Then he looked back at Tony and then he stubbornly set his jaw and a determined look formed on his face and he quickly stomped over to the bags. He swung one of them across his back and then walked over to Tony with the other bag, a slightly smaller duffle bag, and had a mischievous spark in his eyes and dumped it in Tony’s arms.

“Hey, hold this for me, doll?” Tony took the bag, a bit surprised, but before he could respond, Steve grabbed him around the shoulders and knees again and swept him in his arms. Tony gasped a little and clutched the bag tightly to his chest (it wasn’t heavy, probably just some clothes and personal items) before laughing and hiding his face in Steve’s neck as he started to walk towards the doors.

“Steve, people are looking!” Not that Tony actually minded that people looked, they could stare all they wanted for all he cared, but he still couldn’t help flushing at Steve’s very open affections for him. PDA got nothing on Steve Rogers.

Steve grinned and rested his cheek against Tony’s hair, pressing a kiss against his forehead. His grip around Tony tightened slightly and adjusted his grip a little, so Tony could rest his head against his shoulder. “Let them look. I have been waiting to hold you and kiss you again for ten fucking months, so you’re crazy if you think I’m letting you go ever again.”

Tony shook his head with a small laugh before letting himself relax and rest against Steve’s body, pressing his lips to Steve’s neck. He suddenly felt drained of all energy after all the emotion that he’d gone through just now and was now more than okay with Steve carrying him out of the airport and to the car so they could go home.

They’d probably stop by the pizza place on the way home, or they’d order for delivery when they got home. They’d pick a movie to watch while eating but eventually start to pay more attention to each other than the movie. Steve would pull him close and hold him throughout the whole night, even when they would need to go to bed. Tony would cling onto Steve too, making sure to himself that he was actually home and this wasn’t some kind of dream. He’d probably finger on the engagement ring on his finger to make sure that was real too, because it still felt like a dream.

The whole weekend would probably be much of the same, but really, Tony was more than fine with that. Steve was here too stay forever now, away from the army and had asked him to marry him.

They could spare a few days to celebrate this before going back to real life.

Tony sighed and nuzzled his face into Steve’s shoulder, closing his eyes. “I love you.”

He didn’t see Steve’s face but he heard him chuckle fondly and held him a little tighter and kissed his hair. “I love you too, Tony.”

[darkmasterofcupcakes]

Catradora for the parents ship ask.

who panics over everything?

I feel like they’d both actually be kinda panicky as first time parents, but Catra would be much better at hiding it, while Adora would just have a constant deer-in-the-headlights expression whenever the baby does anything new. 

who lives on google and webmd to look up everything the baby does?

Again, probably Adora…though Catra will look as well, when the baby does something that she thinks is particularly weird. Doesn’t help that they’re never really sure what they should consider normal for their baby, since she’s a hybrid of a Magicat and a First One, and they both develop fairly differently - though First Ones are at least comparable to normal Etherians in terms of development. 

who’s on the fence about vaccination?

Neither of them would be on the fence about the idea of vaccinating their child, though Catra might have some questions regarding vaccinations for a human and ones for animals, and whether they should also try to immunize their child for diseases that are more specific to animals as well as human diseases. 

who bothers the doctor at 3 AM?

Adora, if only because she doesn’t bother trying to hide that she’s worried whenever she thinks anything might be up, while Catra at least puts in the effort to act like she’s not super concerned as well. 

who nudges the other in the middle of the night to go handle the baby?

Catra, for sure. She loves the kid, but she also loves to sleep when she can, and she has no problem making Adora take care of the kid in the middle of the night. Not to mention it lowers her chances of having to deal with a dirty diaper, which is something she always tries to avoid. Super sensitive sense of smell and diapers do not mix, at all. 

who pretends to be asleep when the baby is screaming?

Again, Catra…not that Adora buys it, since with Catra’s hearing being as good as it is, Adora knows that if she can hear the baby screaming, then Catra definitely can. But she also knows she’s not likely to get Catra to “wake up” so more often than not, she just takes care of whatever the issue is, anyway.

who takes pictures and videos of everything?

Adora takes more videos, while Catra is the one who tends to go a little overboard with the photos. They have occasional arguments over who has more of a problem, but everyone else agrees they’re both equally bad about it. 

who accidentally drops the baby? (let’s be real: it happens)

Adora, for sure. She’s usually not too bad when the baby is being calm, but if she’s throwing a fit, or when she’s asleep in that way small children get where they seem to just become boneless, she struggles so much to keep her grip. 

who has more trouble adjusting to parenthood?

I feel like they’d both have a lot of trouble adjusting at first, honestly. Catra might have a little more trouble, just because she’s never seen herself as someone capable at all of being nurturing at all, so it’s hard for her to really feel like a mother, and act like how she feels she should. 

who falls asleep with the baby on their chest?

They both do it fairly often, but Adora tends to be the one who it happens to the most, since she tends to just exhaust herself to the point where as soon as she’s able to lay down with the baby, she falls asleep almost immediately. 

who plays airplane with the baby and ends up with puke on their face? (alternatively: in their mouth)

It only happened once, and it happened to Adora, which made Catra extremely amused...until Adora shoved the baby at her to be cleaned up, since she had to wash her own face. 

who gets overwhelmed the easiest?

Probably Catra, but she tries her best to hide it, to varying degrees of success. 

who scalds themselves when testing the bottle temperature on their wrist?

If you’re talking about specifically on the wrist, it’d be Adora. But Catra has more than once tried to taste the contents of the bottle via allowing some to dribble onto her tongue. More than once, she has regretted the decision. But she still does it, because the taste of warm milk is usually worth it, if you ask her.

who dresses the baby up in funny outfits?

Adora is like, the ultimate dork, so you know she would just love to dress the baby up in cute/funny outfits and costumes. By the time the baby is a year old, there’s like a full album’s worth of photographs of her wearing a horse/unicorn onesie. 

who rocks the baby to sleep while singing to them?

Catra, but only when she’s sure nobody else is around to catch her. She actually has a really good singing voice, but does not like to let anyone hear her sing. Not even Adora. 

who accidentally adds too much soap to the bath so the baby ends up in a sea of bubbles?

Adora, mostly because she’s the one who handles the actual baths in general, so she’s the only one who really has the opportunity to do something like this. Though, when the baby is cranky, she tends to just knock the bottle of bubbles into the tub, so it’s not really Adora’s fault in that case.

who lets the baby try/eat/drink anything and everything they have?

Neither of them. They’re both kind of hoarders when it comes to food, and are reluctant to share with anyone, even their own child. 

who is the baby tamer? (AKA who is the one that can calm the baby down with no problems whatsoever)

They outsource this one, honestly. If the baby is being really fussy and they can’t calm her down, they just look to someone else for help. Usually Angella, since she has the most experience dealing with babies in general. Bow’s dads and his siblings are also among those they run to for help, when applicable. 

Send a ship and I’ll describe them as new parents

[kuronekonerochan]

Very messy thoughts about a very messy kdrama: Melting Me Softly

Overall:

I loved the premise...it looked like the kind of ridiculous over the top kdrama that could make for an interesting entertaining watch...unfortunately it is just badly executed. It doesn't know what it wants to be. The action syfy part is confusing, there is no emotional weigh over the tragedy of losing 20 years of life on the part of the Male Lead, although we feel it with the FL(who, by the way, is the only good part of the drama as far as acting goes, despite having little to work with), and even the jokes don't land because the supposed funny side characters are either too annoying and terrible people or they are too pathetic and I pity them instead of finding any of it funny (like the scenes with his family).

Melting me softly is a mess. Honestly with only just how all over the place the pilot was most ppl would have drop it then, but ji chang wook is soooo pretty and it's his comeback after military, still.... lord, is the drama bad. 

The syfy element is a mess, the characters are all shallow and unlikable in the few scenes we had with them so far (except the FL who seems nice enough but hasn't had that much to do yet).

The Characters:

 JCW is surprisingly unlikable for me and it's not even that he's the cliche jerk. Surprisingly it’s even worse because he’s just boring as a character. He’s not nice, but he doesn’t go out of his way to be cruel so that he can be redeemable later.

Nope, he’s just arrogant and entitled and he interacts with everyone mostly by casting judgmental side eye and being kind of uninterested in anyone else. Not in a charming megalo centric  way (like the Lead from What’s Wrong With Secretary Kim, who was a good person despite his ego), but in a dismissive everyday style that makes him all the more unlikable. What’s worse is that it’s even more evident with his family, who are problematic and a bit clingly and “golddigging/leaching” but still they seem to like each other enough in their own weird way. The lead though, treats his family coldly, like a disgusted spectator and it’s hard to watch. There is no chemistry between him and the rest of the cast because the character treats everyone like they’re not worthy of his respect.

That scene where the leads meet and she’s upset over losing 20 years of her life? -  I automatically went: *eyeroll Ugh, Men... It's not all about you everytime. You convinced her, effed up her life, own it and stop making excuses! The right thing to do is apologize and shut the f up!

The side characters, as I said are all either pathetic or terrible people, with the exception of the female lead’s family, who seem to be in a different, better acted drama. The shift in tone is jarring.

The Plot:

The plot is a complete mess and the main conflict so far is stupid. His producing team (that ended up convincing his gf) decided to hush things up in the past because outrage, audience ratings, yada yada and that's it! Yet it’s super confusing bc it seems like they are hiding what they did from him and scheming behind his back, while at the same time it's obvious he knows they threw him under the bus back them, so where’s the conflict? Also it's petty and the real villains involved with the cryoproject and the attack on the scientist are still just a vague concept that the drama clearly wont go into anytime soon, so it all seems like filler. 

To top it all, last episode's cliffhanger is about their previous romantic interests (who are now in their 40s) reconnecting when one of them is married and the other cover up the ML's disappearance, so it's all just more annoying filler I have no interest in watching...

The production design/ technical aspects:

The technical aspects are also bad, especially the editing...scenes are chopped off and put together and seem cut short or pointless. Time is also weird, they mix office scenes with home scenes from ML and random FL scenes without parallels and it's impossible to make out when the days start and end. It's been a while since I saw such messy execution from the production. Usually it's stuff like plot or characters or acting that bothers me, at most camera work, but here it really is the production as a whole. 

What I meant by parallels is that when you are starting to tell a narrative with two leads from their separate povs before they are onscreen together, there's usually an editing order:

Both leads wake up, both leads wander away. Ok so far. Both leads reconnect with family. Scene of FL at home with family followed by scene with ML with family. New day starts. Day 1: looking for answers: contacting the police, talking to the last ppl involved in the experience, etc. Sequencial scenes showing how each go about finding answers in their own way (the method helps to start establishing character and  personality differences between the leads). ML does that, but for some reason the FL doesn't?  (Maybe here a nightime scene each with the family to further develop feelings/angst and exposition of changes in family dinamics and events that happened while they were gone.) Next is trying to get back the life they left behind. Again, sequencial scenes of his workplace and in this case her university.

And with that we get the feeling a few days have passed and they went around on their parallel journeys. But here it's all jumbled and mashed together. He keeps talking to the people from his network in random chopped talks where it feels like he doesn't ask everything logically just so the drama can have another different scene with them later, he is home, his family is a mess but that isn't even edited in contrast to the scenes of her family for juxtaposition...and he seems to have more scenes than her and hers fall randomly out of nowhere and without logic. After being discharged from the hospital and talking to her family, why wouldn't her first reaction be trying to find him and ask what the hell happened? Instead she goes around, even returns to college before going to him?  The drama and the leads seem to walk around in circles without purpose. The transitions are also lowsy...usually all the driving in kdramas is too much but here it is lacking. The ML jumping around from the hospital, to the network, to the (most baffling) secret patient room where the scientist is without us knowing how he got there is distracting. Besides, those small driving scenes are important for character interaction and development: either with phone calls that allow us to see a more intimate side of the characters, how he takes things when nobody is watching, or with another person in the car communicating, or even just silent rides with body language and expression giving us a glimpse of their state of mind....  without any of this, by just appearing in places and doing things, the characters seem shallow and incomplete.

Minor complaints: 

They made the choice to make the 2nd Female lead kind of bitchy, greedy and backstabbing by having her agree to the cover up and her decision of not telling him immediately  what she had done now and apologize (when her younger self seemed much sweeter than that). I feel like the drama has barely begun and they already did her dirty by choosing to go that way with her character after her introduction on the pilot. Also, typecast of the actress playing her older self... she always plays a bitch (she's very good at it but I wanted to see her on a softer role). I wouldn’t mind  if this were a noona romance, since so far the leads have zero chemistry together. To be fair, there wasn’t any with the 2nd female lead, or JCW and any other character in a non romatic way either, in fact, except for the kid niece who actually seems to get a genuine reaction out of him.

 Plus we know from K2 that JCW and noonas have better chemistry ;)

At least I wish they had given her a better arc, for example, the girlfriend who was left behind, because of how it went down, never got over her love for him. They could have a romantic interest for her who she met after the lead was frozen, and the two had become very close over the years but she couldn't move on... they could give her closure so she'd finally realize in her heart how she felt about her own romantic interest without it being clouded with guilt and unresolved feelings for the lead. 

@kdramaxoxo

[angrypixie-sarisa]

The one with the truth

Piedras Rodantes Pt. 6

Okay, so, I wanted to write another fanfic and since nobody pays attention to me on tumblr, the situation it’s just perfect, It’s a Supernatural fic. Now here’s the deal. It’s a polyamorous situation. I know, shush.

Sam x Mexican!Fem!Witch!reader x Dean  

Warnings: Throughout the fic there are gonna be lines in Spanish. Nothing to fancy for google traductor, i hope. “Suggestions” of spanish songs i love.  Swearing in both spanish and english. And the usual, mentions of blood, violence, smut and other varieties. It’s supernatural, really we don’t expect something else. Spoilers?(if you haven’t watch spn of course, or if you are just getting started with it) Also, SLOWBURN. Also, some chapters are short, some are long, depends on my mood.

Descriptionof the whole fic in general: So, remember when Sam took a break of hunting because he thought he was a danger for everyone? Season 5, i think? That’s where the fic starts. Reader and Sam met at the bar where he worked at, developed a friendship and a crush on one and the other. Then Sam has to leave because of all the shit that goes down throghout the season and the horseman and the fight between the archangels. But promises the reader that somehow, he’ll come back. Then, he goes to hell. That’s when reader meets Dean. And yeah, things aren’t as smooth with them in the begining. Reader befriends Lisa and Ben first, which raises Dean’s suspicions. He just wants to keep them save and all. After some stuff they become friends and the Sam comes back. So yeah…

Also if I ever use GIFs, they’re not mine. Credits and Love to the owner. 

“¿Debería decirle?” You asked the cards. It wasn’t like every day that someone could bring themselves to understand what you were. Nevermind accepting it. It killed you not telling him the truth, especially when you felt like you could tell him anything.

Your hands shuffled the deck, their loyal memory to it already continuing with their usual routine. Five cards, each in their right place and the question. A knot formed in your stomach.

Quiero decirle, pero tengo miedo. You took a deep breath. Stop it; don’t fear when you’re handling the cards. Another wave of clean air swam in and out your lungs. And so, you started your lecture.

You opened your door and smile at the sight of Sam standing in front of you. But something was wrong. Your smile didn’t reach your eyes like usual. Sam cleared his throat.

“Hi.”

“Hey.” You let him inside. He turned to look at you. “Okay.” You hold your breath as you took his hand and guided him to the kitchen. You had already prepared some snacks, Sam noted. As you two sat down in front of one another, he reached to grab a piece of cantaloupe.

“Sam, we’ve known each other for a while, have we not?” He nodded as he swallowed.

“Yeah, why?” You licked your lips. Sólo dile.

“I have to tell you something.”

“Okay?” He looked so innocent, maybe a little bit wary yet confident. Just like the past couple of days, you struggled to get the truth out of your mouth. The worst thing was that he knew there was something wrong. Not a problem but a bother. And as well as he knew that, he also knew you just needed time to think how to express what you wanted to tell him. You would in the end tell him, no doubt about it. He was patient, he could wait.

However, as you took in a deep breath, his cell rang. He took it out of his pocket and stared at the screen, hesitating.

“It’s okay. You can take it.” That way you could muster some courage quicker.

“Are you sure?” It had to be important if he had hesitated. For the both of you, it was clearly a polite gesture not to answer phone calls if you were in a conversation with someone, whether it had just started or it was about to finish, unless it was something important.

You nodded vigorously, closing your eyes like you always did. “Yep, absolutely. In fact, if you don’t take it, I’mma get mad.” Sam chuckled, holding his pinky finger for you to lock with yours, promising he’ll be back. If only it would apply for more than phone calls.

“Dean, am, em, hi. What’s up?”

“What’s up? What has always been up, that’s what.” Sam heard the voice of his brother through the speaker. He sounded annoyed or mad, he sounded kind of like you when annoyed or mad. Or you sounded like him? Well, something like that.

“Listen, I kept thinking and…”

“I was thinking, too.” Sam interrupted.

“You were?”

You didn’t mean to eavesdrop, not at first. You had keen senses, although controllable, they always activated when needed; whether consciously or unconsciously. That’s how you knew Dean’s voice sounded surprised, cautious and relieved. It sounded like hope in Pandora’s Box; not knowing if to leave or stay.

“Yeah, I really think it was a good idea to get me, you know, out of the picture. That way, everyone’s safe, you know?” Was that a swallow you heard at the other end of the line? Oh, Sammy, sometimes you’re too naïve.

“Yeah, uh, I was just calling to…Check…On you and let you know everything’s been… Uh, going smooth. No signs of demons or Lucifer…” Well, will you look at that? It seems they’re both naïve.

“Great, um, thanks dude. Talk to you later?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Not a bye or a goodbye. Seriously, sometimes you understood why men cried over women being difficult, only because they were as difficult if not more. But that was just you’re opinion.

As Sam hanged up, he took the opportunity to check on his voicemail; your keen hearing just starting to fade back to normal.

 He reentered the kitchen with a frown in his face.

“Hey, am, I got a call from work, they need me to start my shift early…”

“Oh, that’s fine.” He gave you an apologetic look mixed with his puppy worried eyes. His stupid eyes that made you want to grab his face in your hands and pamper it with kisses. Not right in that precise moment but in general.

Sam started towards the door, grabbing his jacket, which you never understood why he carried around. He always used two or more layers of clothes and it always confused you.

“Hey!” You reopened the door, grabbing your jacket as well, although unlike him, you only used two layers of clothes, maximum three.

You closed the door behind you, locking it, and whispering your special incantation which Sam couldn’t even hear (he was busy looking at your ass, but never mind that). It was that time were spells started to ware off and needed reinforcements.

“I’m coming with ya.”

“You sure?” Instead of your vigorous, repetitive and excited nods, you gave him a single one though with a bright smile. Even though you wouldn’t walk that long, he still placed his arm around your shoulders, making you hug guiltily his waist.

  “Sam, I’m witch. No.” You cleared your throat. “Hey, Sammy, you know how you’re a hunter and I’m a witch. Funny, right?” You groaned and hid your face in your hands. “Mira corazón, Imma just say this straight and please don’t be upset…” You looked at your reflection in the mirror, hoping it had more courage than you. You took a deep breath. “I put milk before cereal. No! That’s a lie! I only did it once because I was too hungover to care!” You gave some stumps while going around in circles until you ended in the same spot as before, looking at your flustered face. “Dear God, I need help.”

 Sam cleaned the bar, as he continuously stole looks at the ladies restroom’s shot door. It had been a while and you hadn’t come out yet. Not that he was timing you but your trips to the restroom were always quick or average. Finally, you stepped out and walked right towards the stool you were occupying before. Through all the way you kept looking around or at the floor but never at what was in front of you, because he would be there with his gorgeously stupid face.

You sat down and finally looked at him, neutral face on. He raised his eyebrows and you squinted at him, making him chuckle. He broke eye contact and started prepping a drink; first putting some ice, then tequila, some tajín, sangría, sprite, lime and salt. No way, was he…?

“Un vampiro para la señorita.” ¡Chingado, Samuel! ¿Por qué chingados me haces esto a mí? ¡Me la estás poniendo más difícil cabrón! Regardless of your thoughts, you flashed him the smile he was hoping for, a sincere one, the one that totally spoke to him, telling him you were facing a rough patch but you could do it and you just wanted him to be beside you.

Could we just go back at that Spanish, though, Sarisa? Yes, I am breaking the forth wall. Anyway, that Spanish sounded really good, like he practiced it and then he forgot about it but in the moment remembered it all and I’m MELTING. Okay, just wanted to say that, continue narrating.

You took a swig, moaning at the great familiar taste of one of your favorite drinks.

“Damn, Sammy, this is really good.” He took great pride on those words. Even when for you everything was good.

“Glad you like it.” He knelt in on his forearms, resting. He was close, but you had been closer than that yet never kissed.

“Like it? I’m fucking marrying this drink; I hope it’s legal in this country.” He laughed through his nose, scrunching it a little bit, just as you did. You spent so much time together you started to pick on somethings the other did.

You swallowed another swig. “Your Spanish was on point, by the way.”

“Really?” Now you did nod like an excited 5-year old.

“Oh yeah, ten points to Gryffindor.” Sam laughed harder at that.

“First of, you’re such a nerd. Second, I like to think myself as a Ravenclaw.” You wiggled your eyebrows.

“Who’s the nerd, now, huh?” He opened his mouth to debate, opened and closed, like a fish, obviously not having a good argument for that remark.

“Shut up. I spent so much time with you, it’s contagious.” Your mind immediately went on to Smells like teen spirit, singing internally the one part with that word when the song started sounding on the speakers of the place. You smiled; your foot tapping at the rhythm of the guitar. Sometimes these things happened.

Sam rolled his eyes in annoyance. He wasn’t particularly fond at the music genre; only knowing the lyrics to some songs because of Dean, although now he had a whole new reason for knowing the lyrics for those types of songs. He couldn’t help but smile at your enthusiastic hands tapping as if you were the drummer.

“Sing with me, Sammy. With the lights out, it’s less dangerous…” You passed your invisible microphone to him. And he complied, but not without expressing a slight faked discomfort.

“Here we are now, entertain us.” Back.

“I feel stupid and contagious.” Forward.

“Here we are now, entertain us.” You laughed at his lack of enthusiasm.

At foreign eyes, it would seem as if you had already had too much to drink. Why people assumed you needed insanely amounts of alcohol in you to be as goofy as you were? You never knew. But you needn’t alcohol to be fun, just someone you would love to make laugh.

“That sounded terrible.”

“What do you want? I don’t like these songs.”

“Okay, fine, I give you that. Still terrible, though.” And you laughed some more, tipping your head back and then forward like your invisible microphone.

“If we were alone, I would get you for that.” His eyes glinted. He was having fun as well.

“If we were alone, I would’ve been laughing for more than one reason.” You were now facing each other, both leaning in, looking at each other’s mischievous eyes. And you could’ve kissed, but the place was starting to fill and some partying college students wanted tequila shots.

 Thanks to having quite a boss, Sam got early off his shift, due to him starting it before his actual work time.

You were now walking in your kitchen. Discussing some dinner options, however neither one of you was that hungry. So you moved the party to the couch, the couch that miraculously fitted Sam’s legs in pretty well.

“What did you want to tell me?” He asked and his questioned died in the air. You were too busy looking at his calves to actually process his words. You rolled the hem of his pants up and pulled at one of his leg hairs.

“Y/N, don’t!” You laughed and tugged at another one.

“Hey!” You repeated the action.

He sat down reaching towards your forearms and trapping them successfully in his massive hands. Then he pulled you in so you both were lying in the couch. His legs were safe and you were lying on top of him with your chest pressed against his.

He placed a lock of your hair behind your ear and rested his hand upon your cheek. Meanwhile, you cupped his face in your hands; both of your faces smiling sweetly at each other.

“What did you want to tell me?” And your smile faltered and you gulped.

Instantly, Sam’s gaze turned from adoring to a worry one.

This was it, there was no escaping it. Well, actually, there was, but you were tired of putting it off. You sat down, away from his touch and closed yourself, hugging your legs into your chest.

He sat as well, giving you space but still keeping at a length he could reach into, in case you needed a hug.

“Well, um, first of all… I know.” You whispered. Sam furrowed his brow. It had been so long since he thought about the hunting style of living; it didn’t flash his mind that it had something to do with this conversation.

“I know you are a hunter.” His mouth fell open. “I’ve known for a while, actually.” You added while he collected himself. He straightened, obviously nervous and alert; after all, there were plenty of things that knew of the existence of hunters. Although, once he had decided he wanted your friendship or even more, he had you tested, so the only thing that could explain such thing was one and only one.

“And I know because…”

“You’re a hunter.” “I’m a witch.” Sam stood up abruptly. “You’re what?”

“Please, Sam, just let me explain.”

“You’re what?!”

“Sam, listen to me! I know, you have history with these things, but don’t you think if I wanted to hurt you, I would’ve already done it?”

“I…” He didn’t know. But he did know that trusting something he would normally hunt wasn’t something he would’ve planed on doing. Yet here he was.

You took in a deep breath. There was a pain in your chest. The mere thought of him thinking you wanted to harm him made your hope shatter into a million pieces. You liked him and didn’t want to lose him just for some stupid stereotype. Or the fault of the actions of others that had nothing to do with you.

“Okay, just listen to me. Sam, please sit, let’s talk.” You neared him carefully. It hurt you so much when he backed a step down. Was it a tear that ran down your cheek? Great, that’ll convince him. The witch fake cries so he falls into the trap. You scolded yourself sarcastically. You quickly wiped it away. It wasn’t the time for crying.

“Fine, I won’t touch you. But please, listen. Yes, I am a witch, however there’s a difference between me and the ones you’ve encountered before. I don’t obtain my power from demons or the devil or anyone. I obtain it from myself and I know it sounds silly, but it’s the truth. There’s so much more than the stereotypical witch. There is so much more of me than just the box that society has put me in, that hunters have put me in. Sam, I’m begging you, trust me. The girl you met at the bar, the one whom you’ve shared countless of nights laughing and storytelling and binge watching TV, that’s me. I have never been fake around you; I just hid a part of my personality until it felt right to show it.” Fucking tears, don’t roll down. Don’t you dare roll down.

You looked at Sam, waiting for a response. He let himself close his eyes for a moment and then he opened them again.

“I need some time, to think.” You swallowed the lump that formed in your throat and nodded. With a blurry sight, you watched him exit your home and wondered if he’d ever come back.

[butterfly--empress]

Fix it Headcanons...

After sitting here writing a really tldr post to get things off my chest, I felt like it just wasn’t worth the post because a lot of you are already saying things that I totally agree with and yeah...it’s not worth it so I’m just going to move on and conjure up headcanons because I need to cope with that ending. 

So instead, I will in tumblr traditon make a reaction gif post on my feelings with some commentary about the characters. 

The New Organization XIII

I wish a bit more was done with you guys??? I’m half and half on their role in this game, *shrugs* Also I am assuming Nomura pretty much confirms that Demyx is also from the past and now I’m wondering if we will get a story update for him in KHUX. 

Actually, I wouldn’t be surprised if all the story content we need before KH4 is going to be handled through the mobile game...eh...great..........just...fucking swell.

Can we petition for the Kingdom Hearts manga to continue? I think I rather have a physical boxset collection of the Kingdom Hearts manga, because at LEAST in the manga, characters actually get some goddamn growth......I’m not going to rant about Kairi just yet...

Disney Worlds and Characters

Nothing like Nostalgia and good old fashion pandering with a dash of Disney films having a consistent foreshadowing theme of love, hope, loss, pain and SACRIFICE TO GET THE BLOOD PUMPING!

What do you mean I’m bitter, I told you, I’m not! 

Wayfinder Trio

I have nothing awful to say about these three to be perfectly honest. I saw nothing wrong with Aqua and Ven getting bodied like some were because as much as I love Aqua and know she’s OP my girl was doing nothing but fighting in the realm of darkness and really had no time to recover, and then girlfriend fights my delightful little shit of a son,  and then girlfriend is STILL FIGHTING! I’ll let her being one-shotted by Terranort slide...

I will also let her running in front of Ven to shield Vanitas’ blast from hurting him go, because, honestly one could argue she probably was still exhausted and didn’t have time to react to put up another shield??? 

Ehh, this argument can go either way, really but I didn’t have a problem with any of it. 

I just really loved everything about these three, they acted like friends/family who missed each other for YEARS...they hugged and cried together and then despite the fuckery of their Master/Father figure, I think they forgave him for his apology and I just started bawling my eyes out....AGAIN. 

I really am not exaggerating and I wish I was but from the Aqua/Ventus reunion to the secret ending, I cried so hard. 

I didn’t cry for him or his bald boyfriend...*twitches eye* I cried because those three children didn’t deserve any of this! None of these children deserved any of this! TT_TT That reunion was all I wanted.

Vanitas

My poor fledging child, I knew your ultimate demise was nigh so I tried not to be too sad about it. Not gonna lie, Sully dragging your ass through that door and then multiple doors and then shredding that door was hella funny! 

It can be confirmed tomorrow that you dead and I would resurrect you and all your glorious edginess and tsundere tendencies in my fanfics because if you don’t come back to be your own person, a sass master and the anti-hero that likes to stir trouble cause he can, to help get Sora back, while gloating about it in the same breath, than I don’t know what even is the fucking point of another game. 

I do wish a bit more something meaningful was done with your supposed ‘redemption arc’??? I guess I’m suppose to assume that was a redemption arc...but it was handled so choppy I don’t know what to really make of it tbh...

Eraqus and Xehanort

People think ya’ll going to heaven...nahh bruh you two fucked up! And I refuse to believe anything else. Yeah you two was real cute in the past before I’m assuming things went to complete shit but you two FUCKED UP! 

I don’t know what the fuck Xehanort did to make Eraqus so jaded but because Eraqus felt jaded he indirectly dismisses Terra because ‘darkness’....BOI! 

We already know Xehanort’s rep sheet we don’t even have to review it. 

I don’t have any sadness for you two. Eraqus gives me mixed feelings I don’t like how he was the cause of Terra being norted, Aqua being lost in the realm of darkness and Ventus falling into a ten year magic coma but at least he didn’t rip a child’s soul in half to create some damn keyblade and control Kingdom Hearts so i guess he gets kudos???

I don’t care about Xehanort, NOT ONE CARE! 

I’m glad that motherfucker is gone! Buh bye!

The Sea Salt Trio

Axel/Xion/Roxas...you three did NOTHING WRONG! 

That’s it, I sobbed and they reunited and they hugged and then they hugged Saix and then Saix is good again, they cried and shared Ice Cream with the Twilight Town Trio and it was great. It was all I asked for.

Namine

You’re a precious delight, i wished we had more screen time of you in the game but c’est la vie. At least your character wasn’t ruined like someone’s I know. 

The obvious Riku/Namine ship still surprises me but I totally dig it...still side-eyeing my green-eyed white haired son for some of his fuckery...but we about to get into that in a bit...

The Destiny Trio...BOI I am about to lose my fucking shit because really WTF WAS THAT?! You did everyone else right...except for these three?! the same three you started this glorious shitshow with?!

THESE THREE!?

Sora: I have no issues with my baby here, if Nomura got one thing right, it was Sora. I still don’t like what you did to him and Kairi but as for as the writing for his character, that shit was on point so you get kudos Nomura...you get the fucking kudos!

Riku: ....What the fuck happened to the very close friendship between he and Kairi??? Like WTF?! I’m confused how we went from KH1 Riku giving into the darkness because he thought it would save Kairi to KH2 Riku looking out for Kairi and encouraging her to fight by giving her destiny’s embrace and crying when she recognized it was him, despite he looked like Ansem, to KH2.8 Riku having playful banter with her before he left off on his mission with Mickey to KH3 Riku who, outside of anyone not Sora, Mickey, Namine (because suddenly Nomura wants that to be canon obviously...) and to an extent, Aqua being this distant stoic character...

EXCUSE ME...but where was Riku’s usual anger and sadness when Kairi was taken by Xemnas and just outright killed?! IN FRONT OF HIM?!!

Say what you want about SoKai becoming canon, a close friend is still a close friend! 

There was no reason to make Riku distant at all, like I don’t mind the SoKai sharing the paopu fruit scene but I still feel like that scene should have included all three of them. That should have been a call back to them having a bit of reprieve together like the ending of KH2. It would not have taken any time to have Riku have a moment with Repliku and have Kairi call him over after Sora asked ‘why he’s over there?’

I mean, damn! Even Sora was like, our group dynamic is off by -1???

Kairi: First of all, I am going to put it out there that, Kairi did not need to be overly super strong. Not for a girl that just started training to fight in the final battle and for what we did get, it was more than I had expected at all. I mean for a novice, girl did pretty damn decent with keeping up with berserker!Xion.

No, my annoyance is not at the lack of Kairi fighting, it’s being used as an unfortunate plot device and feeling like nobody except Sora cared enough about her. At times it did feel like my girl was treated as a burden that nobody wanted there because she was such an easy target to distract Sora....

And boi! When she got taken and then obliterated in front of Sora and the others I was both angry and sad, at this point I was already sobbing because Sora was sobbing and I felt that and my hate for Xemnas went from 100 to 1000 real fucking quick. 

But like I already said, I started to get frustrated because Riku continued to seem like he was suddenly emotionally stunted when it came to Kairi, like my dude! YOUR FRIEND JUST DIED?! WHY AM I MORE ANGRIER THAN YOU?!? DO SOMETHING!! GO WITH SORA TO BRING HER BACK THAT’S YOUR FRIEND..YOU’RE NOT THE RIKU I REMEMBER WTF!?

Just jadlkfjflkajdjakdjk! *inhales than slowly exhales* Nomura, Nomura my dude, my pal, my senpai! There were a lot of ways you could have made SoKai canon that did not include sacrificing the deep, close 12yr bond that was Kairi’s and Riku’s friendship. The wasted potential...

You mean to tell me i waited for a DECADE, a freaking DECADE hoping that to have some real friendship bonding between Riku and Kairi and see nothing done with it!?

And speaking of SoKai...I know some people find it lackluster because unfortunately, Nomura never gave Kairi satisfying character growth that didn’t make it seem like she satellites around Sora and nothing else. But I more or less was never really bothered by how it developed, yea it could have used more work but I’m on very neutral ground. My only complaint is that I don’t like how at times it can seem a bit forced or rushed in 3 and I don’t like that Nomura thought it was a cool idea to make it seem like Kairi and Riku were never friends or that Riku never cared about Kairi. 

I...I guess Nomura wants to fuel the ridiculous SoKai vs Soriku shipwars??? Because that is what your doing and those dumbass wars don’t need unfortunate implications from the actual game for people who didn’t get their ship canon to further hate Kairi because you decided that Riku needed to be ‘distant’...with HER, poor girl can’t catch a break because you promised character growth but you take one step forward, two steps back and she can’t break the damsel in distress trope. My poor baby. 

I knew once I went to the Tangled world I knew KH was dealing with the consistent theme of Love, Pain, Hope, Loss and Sacrifice. This became more apparent when you get to PotC and I knew deep down that Kairi and Sora were bound to end up doing something to sacrifice their own lives for one another and yet, they have done this before and it turned out alright. 

I hoped it would have been akin to KH1 but fuck me, how goddamn naive was I, amirite?! Nomura goes and does EXACTLY what I was wishing he wouldn’t do and he did it anyway, and I was no more good after that.

And then, AND THEN TO HAVE THE BALLS to make it look like Sora was there after all at the very end only to have him fade away. A part of my heart still aches from that and I’m surprised I didn’t wake up my household at 8am because I was sobbing that loud!

Yes I know Sora is alive but again, my heart and mind are in conflict. My mind wants to let go and update and reboot the phone but my heart is still stuck on a refresh/poor battery loop...

...............................................If Kairi is not out there with Riku to go find and save Sora in KH4 someone is going to feel my motherfucking wrath!

No, I’m serious! No more of this shafting Kairi bullshit! This is the perfect setup for a full on Kairi character growth arc. If I have to play that shit on a handheld or mobile well fucker bring it on! 

Nomura, you have the story, Kairi could start out feeling loss and regret and guilt, blaming herself and thinking the other’s blame her for Sora not being there with them. And then she goes on a journey, hell she and Riku go on a journey together to reconnect and Riku, being a Keyblade Master could mentor Kairi in her training and she has some self discovery as she’s getting stronger and confident again in herself and it would be great because she’s finally getting to save Sora like she’s always wanted too!

You know what? YOU KNOW WHAT??!

FUCK IT! 

Because Nomura will never give me this and I will not hope for anything concerning Kairi’s character growth. 

So I guess I have to fanfiction that shit my damn self...I think I will...

At least the gameplay for fucking fantastic and Yoko-san delievered with the music, when is that KH3 OST dropping again? 

I need to eargasm to Anti-Aqua battle theme and the other promise/vector to the heavens one million times. 

Also I’m legit done ranting, I got this off my chest so I can move on. 

[shiikikowakami]

Caryl and more Caryl

I thought about how to materialize everything I think here, I know I said that I surrender with Caryl, but who I cheat? Here I am reviewing the label, seeing wonderful Gifs, photos and so many things that we have that they can not take away from us. 

When I saw TWD, which I follow since it started, I noticed the immediate chemistry between Carol and Daryl, it was always natural and beautiful, since I gave him that flower, while I was looking for Sofia, the kiss on my forehead, and many more moments that I They made them love.

Can you remember the moments in jail? THE massage, see both grow. A stronger Carol and a more open Daryl. When Daryl was sad when he thought that she died, when I take her in his arms <3 (of my favorites). And other characters made references to them, when Gleen reminds Daryl what Carol would think. And see a carol distressed because Daryl did not return with the others in the group and wept for him. There were so many beautiful moments that the writers ruined by separating them out there for season 6. 

But even so separated, they continued to demonstrate that they are the most important thing in the life of the other, the embrace after the kidnapping, to be vunerable in the eyes of Daryl and no one else. A wonderful Gleggie parallel. Even when Carol left, her last scene was with Daryl (reading that letter), Morgan mentioning that if Daryl had known that she came out, he would look for her. As it happened in the 5 season, before consumed.

Did Daryl's threat to Richard ever see him threaten another for a girl? NEVER!! There is nothing that deserves more to Daryl than when Carol is in danger.

THIS!!!!

So to say in that house, where only two or three weeks of history had elapsed (if I'm not mistaken) but that hug was as if they had not seen each other in months, with as much passion, as if they tried to take the essence of the other, Mix them and be like this forever. He respected her, and gave her space but always taking care of her.

AND THIS!!!!

I deviated a bit from what I wanted to say, but I never understood why they did not join them before, since they make such a good couple, they sell the most and everyone knows it! For something, every year they promote Caryl, they make innuendoes and many other things with which they play with the emotions of which we have been here for a long time.

 I hate that they want to keep Daryl as the bachelor and loner of the group, when he has love in front of his eyes. 

 I know that all this trailer, comments and other things are just a strategy on the part of AMC as a promotion, because they know we will be there, hoping to get those crumbs again, faithfully.

 We know that it was confirmed that there is a relationship with Zeke, sincerely Khary seems nice to me, but I hate his character, at least in the comic it was great, here they only have hung him from Carol and they have not given him the development that I thought they would give him. I do not like anything to be united with Carol in a relationship and not only because my shippeo is with Daryl, but I think that relationship seems super forced, which according to the spoilers will not even give importance to show how it was formed, as well as Rosita and Spencer.

 Hanging a character like that to a main one is just to kill it and get a reaction from the audience. It happened with Beth, that although it was not romantic, Daryl was put together as a little sister to be cared for and then kill her and have an impact on the audience, because if she died that day in jail nobody cared, instead thus they gave him something of protagonism (although they were the worst episodes of the series, especially the 12 of the 4 season). It happened with Jessie, Spencer, Nicolas, and a lot of characters that bring him close to a main character to kill him. Unfortunately I think that will be the fate of Zeke and is the only reason why he is reunited with Carol.

 It bothers me that they publish carzequiel things on Caryl labels, that's extremely childish. But they must enjoy while they can, since I do not think we see Zeke for a long time, he is a character that from the beginning we knew he was going to die. 

And that's where a small part of my mind thanks that Caryl is not together yet, because as TWD does, one of the two would probably be dead just to make the other cry, as it has happened in all the couples that exist in the universe of TWD.

 They say that we will have more Caryl moments, and I will look forward to them, because I want to continue seeing them together, as long as they live that they have many moments together, that Melissa and Norman continue to dazzle us with their wonderful performances, which give us many more Gif, photos, videos And everything else. 

Carol may have kissed other characters, but never shows such tenderness, that only happens with Daryl, and is not one, but many sweet, flirty, sincere and real moments between the two.

I still think that they are in love, especially Daryl, but still they are not able to take a step forward and love each other with madness and freedom. Maybe it will take a while for the originals of Atlanta to feel free to do so, until then I will wait. No matter how many times I give up, no matter how much it hurts to see it with another, they are the endgame !!

NOTHING NOR ANYBODY, not even AMC, TWD, etc. It will take away the Caryl, a beautifully genuine love!!!

For while I have ANOTHER wonderful image to use in the background, covers and put them everywhere. Because the season is not yet recorded as complete, it may not be Caryl canon in the first part, but we still do not know about the second. 

[rwdestuffs]

Done dirty: Ruby

“Main Protagonist” my ass!

Ruby is supposed to be the main protagonist. She’s supposed to have this grand destiny she’s supposed to fulfill, and be the hero.

So why does it feel like she’s taking a back seat to everything important?

Take the Red trailer. We don’t get a whole lot for her, she’s jut there kicking ass. She’s tearing through those Beowolves like they’re nothing, and it’s some great choreography.

Then in Volume 1, we run into the first problem: She kicks the ass of Roman’s men without her weapon.

See, the writers have repeatedly said that Ruby is trash without Crescent Rose, and Volume 5 reinforced that. Not only is it something that is told, it’s something that contradicts what we are shown. Ruby goes gaga in a later episode over weapons, and that’s never brought up again. It would have been a great running gag, and a means to introduce the weapons that the main cast has to the audience in a natural way. Here’s a scenario: After Ruby cuts up those grimm while saving Weiss, she starts examining the weapon. To which Weiss begrudgingly answers the questions in a failed attempt to get Ruby to shut up.

“Ohh! Is this a Rapier mixed with a milti-chamber dust revolver so that you can use them for different effects?”

“Yes.” Weiss ground out.

“And it it made up of a steel-titanium alloy that makes it really durable?” (This part isn’t actually canon, but I think it would be neat if we knew what kind of materials these weapons are traditionally made out of).

“Yes.”

“Can I touch her?”

“What?- No! You can’t touch Myrtenaster!“

“Oh. So the weapon’s name is Myrtenaster?- That’s cool. You should see my sister’s weapons. She called them Ember Celica, and she made it so that they can look like ordinary bracelets when they’re not in use. They mix long-range shotguns with gauntlets, and they’re really cool!”

See that?- All of that could have been a conversation that Ruby could have had with Weiss. Not only would it have been natural, given Ruby’s love for weapons, but it also would have been a great way to introduce the weapons that the cast uses. We could have gotten a similar conversation (using different attitudes depending on the person) with other characters. It could have been a cool bonding moment. Ruby also apparently doesn’t have to prove that she can be a capable leader to Weiss. In this scenario, most would expect that the main leader would have to do something to prove themselves, and prove the person who doubts them wrong. But we don’t get that. All it takes to reinvigorate Ruby’s confidence is a talk from a teacher, and Weiss gets lectured by Ozpin. This could have also led into an interesting bonding moment, and show the differences between how Ruby and Weiss function, and how Blake and Yang function. But we don’t get that character interaction. Ruby gets further robbed of character interaction/development when jaune hijacks the plot to reveal that he’s putting his team in danger due to his lack of experience and reluctance to be trained because ego™. Ruby doesn’t even rush out to find Blake with her semblance, she just… stands there. Doing nothing. Some team leader. She also sides with Weiss on this, and since we never saw any bonding moments between the two, there’s no evidence to believe that the reason she’s siding with Weiss is because of a bond that they have.

Volume 2 also does Ruby an injustice. While the Food Fight has some moments for her (Like quoting Nixon for some reason), she doesn’t do much else. Because she’s not questioned while the team is visiting Mount Glenn, her motives are never questioned. She isn’t questioned on how she plans to accomplish her goal, or on how she would handle tough decisions. Ruby lacks focus in this volume, and the most she gets in terms of bonding with her team and character development is…

This scene… Which, while humorous, doesn’t really add much else. Ruby then uses her speed to defeat JNPR (And here’s a kicker: Assuming that the mess hall is the length of an average school, Ruby is actually only moving 10 Meters per second. She’s slower that freaking Hercule Satan!), and… That’s about it. Apparently she also confronts Cinder during the dance, but she hardly provides anything else. The Ozluminati don’t take any precautions because of this ‘masked intruder,’ none of them bother to check to see if their systems have any malicious hardware on it, they just sit around… With Ozpin probably literally dicking around in his dick chair.

(Why does it look like a dick?)

Volume 3 doesn’t add much. Outside of referring to Weiss as her ‘BFF,’ Ruby doesn’t actually do anything in this volume. And get used to that, because this is just the start of that trend. Ruby ends up taking a back seat to a lot of things, like Pyrrha���s first and final character arc, Yang’s framing, and some backstory for the villains. Ruby acknowledges Penny, and… Yeah. That’s kinda it. After that, she has a small breakdown on Pyrrha committing manslaughter (bot slaughter? mechaslaughter? droidslaughter?- Whatever), but that’s undermined by jaune taking Pyrrha aside to repeat the sentiment. Ruby’s words fall on deaf ears because she’s taking a backseat to Pyrrha’s arc. Normally, this wouldn’t be a problem, but in normal situations, Ruby’s motives, personality, and other aspects would have made her a character in her own right. And had this not been a rushed attempt to give Pyrrha some non-jaune related characterization before her death, Ruby taking a supporting role would have been normal. After everything, she ultimately defeats Neo (by using a weakness on Ice Cream Girl’s weapon), and watches Roman die. She feels no remorse, nor does she seem to have any real reaction. I mean… This is a young girl! And she just saw two people die right in front of her!- Yeah, Roman’s a villain, but his speech about surviving should have shaken Ruby up a bit. Maybe even force her to realize that some people aren’t bad for the lulz (that’s Cinder’s role), but that they do bad things because they’re in bad situations. Pyrrha’s death ultimately sets off her Silver Eyes, and then Qrow gives her the rundown on her newfound powers. This is where a lot of things start going wrong in a narrative sense for Ruby. She doesn’t question this. She doesn’t ask how they work. And she doesn’t ask how her mother could have been killed if she had this power. Then she sets off, knowing that Yang’s emotionally vulnerable, and that a lot of things went down the drain for her. Sure, Ruby has this grand destiny, but she doesn’t seem to leave a letter specifically for Yang. She leave a generic one for both Yang and Tai.

Volume 4 is where it gets obvious that the writers have likely forgotten about Ruby being, y’know… The first letter in the title. She takes a backseat to jaune’s angst, as well as the Renora duo’s conclusion to their backstory (Let’s face it; Ren and Nora have so little character to them, that they’re basically the same character). Ruby doesn’t comment on Penny’s death, she only acknowledges Pyrrha once, and her mentioning the family that she left behind to go on this quest that her uncle all but explicitly gave to her isn’t even mentioned. And when Ruby is about to finally acknowledge what happened, jaune steps in and is all “Nah, don’t worry about what you’ve done. You’re doing fine.” effectively robbing Ruby of any kind of development that she’d get by questioning herself and her decisions. She sends a letter home, and that’s it. She gives this monologue that genuinely feels that the writers only gave her because they realized, at the last minute “Oh crap! Ruby didn’t have a lot to do this volume!”- So they gave her that speech to make it seem that she grew, but it doesn’t actually feel like she grew.

Volume 5 rolls along, and by this point, we’re almost used to Ruby not getting any development. She isn’t questioning anything that Ozpin tells her. Nobody does. And she then learns hand-to-hand. Now, it feels as if the writers did this, as a means to try to say that they gave Ruby development, but they’re not exactly doing it right.

Yes, Ruby needs development. They acknowledge as much. But they don’t understand how she needs development. If they really wanted to teach her hand-to-hand, have Ruby be the one who suggests it. There’s a video that suggests that Ruby is afraid of her silver eyes, and it’s an interesting idea, albeit, not well-communicated. Here’s an idea as to how it could go down

Ozpin: Now, miss Rose, we will be needing to work on your control over your silver eyes.

Ruby (Frightened): My… My silver eyes?

Ozpin: Yes. Is there a problem?

Ruby: No! I mean, uh… How about I help Oscar train in hand-to-hand? I could use a bit of training without my weapon anyways. Heh heh…

And there you have it. Ruby trains in hand-to-hand because she’s afraid of her Silver Eyes. The last time she used them, a grimm dragon got petrified on top of Beacon Tower, and she fell unconscious for a long time. It would make sense had it been better-communicated to the audience if this were truly the reason why Ruby never once asked about them.

Ruby’s lack of development hardly stops there. She doesn’t get the fight with Cinder (You know… The fight that’s been foreshadowed by practically everything, from the opening themes, to Cinder’s grudge, to freaking episode one where Ruby foils Cinder’s dust heist), she ends up fighting Emerald while jaune’s revenge boner leads him to take on Cinder. That’s like Sokka fighting Ozai while Aang fights the random Fire Nation Soldiers. Jaune should have fought Emerald (While Emerald uses an illusion to make him see Cinder, or even Pyrrha as a means to taunt him), and Ruby gets to be the one to take on Cinder. Her Silver Eyes should have activated when she saw Vernal deplete Weiss’ aura. Because as far as Ruby knows, Vernal is the maiden, and seeing another maiden towering above a friend of hers that doesn’t have any aura should have triggered the Silver Eyes instead. The most she does is tell a speech to Raven that… didn’t really feel like a real thing. Most of the victories we saw on-screen rarely took teamwork, and mostly revolved around one moment of awesome that just undermined the threat of the grimm or big bad guys. She’s about as effective as a level five Bulbasaur in Inferno Cave.

Ruby is constantly taking a backseat to most moments that develop the much more interesting cast and jaune.

And once the story is all said and done?- What is she going to do? What is she going to do once the heroes defeat Salem, and the world is safe from the threat of the grimm?

Yang has some world exploring to do. Blake has equality to keep alive. Weiss has a company to run. Ren and Nora have each other……… What’s left for Ruby? What are her goals for after the adventure is over?

Nothing.

[imagine-loki]

Falling For(on) Her

TITLE: Falling For(on) Her CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 1 AUTHOR: KrakenScribbles  ORIGINAL IMAGINE:Imagine a few of the Avengers secretly knowing that Loki has the major hots for you. Like, he may very well be looking at “crush” in the rearview mirror… RATING: T for now I’ll up it to M later prob NOTES/WARNINGS: This is my first time writing fic, though I’ve written in rpgs for years, so I’d rather stay mostly anonymous. I do have a sideblog connected to the author name, but it’s private just so you don’t think I’m pulling the author name out of the sky. 

Considering the events of Ragnarok, I’m not sure when this would logically take place time-line wise so just consider it an alternate timeline from after Dark World? I wanted to keep the happenings of the imagine in the first chapter, so I tried to keep the setup short, you’ll learn more about Chess in later chapters.  ————————————–

It had been about six months since Chess had joined the Avengers through coercion. She hadn’t really wanted to join, but S.H.I.E.D. had tracked her down and sort of forced it upon her because as far as they were concerned she was a danger otherwise and needed to be monitored. So, she had been moved into the Avengers tower and had been slowly getting acquainted with everyone since then. Mostly though, she only really talked to Loki and Thor. Most figured it was because Thor was very hard to ignore and nobody could really figure out where she had been during the invasion, but it was apparently not New York or Germany as she didn’t seem to really care about it even when several people seemed to bring it up for the sole purpose of making Loki look bad.

Loki seemed to actively start seeking her out once he realized she didn’t seem to have an issue with him. Chess wondered if he was maybe a little lonely, as only Thor really spoke to him without snark in the tower. Just so long as she wasn’t reading she didn’t really mind being spoken to, which after someone had asked what she was reading once, she did only in her room. So, when she wasn’t in her room, she stuck to listening to music and observing how the Avengers interacted with one another. They were, definitely, a ragtag group who had some sincerely questionable ways of dealing with their problems. Many of them drank, a lot, and since Steve couldn’t get drunk he seemed to resort to punching sandbags in the middle of the night. She was a night owl who hated mornings, but seeing as she wasn’t the only one, after a few weeks, she had just sort of accepted that she would never be getting any quiet peace outside her room. It was frustrating for an introvert who was used to having so much space to herself only really having one room, but she supposed if she didn’t want to get thrown in prison she would have to deal. Though, she still wasn’t sure how she was a danger to others while running around a frozen tundra with nobody around for literally miles, but who was she to argue with S.H.I.E.L.D.?

Of course, after a few months of them talking, she had noticed Loki seemed to have some level of crush her, though she didn’t really understand why. He hardly knew anything about her, and she personally rarely developed crushes on people she barely knew. So she had no intention of approaching him about it. He was a grown ass adult, if he wanted to act on his crush then he could get it together and do so without her saying something first. Though, then the pranks started. At first, she had just thought he had become nervous around her due to his slight crush, but considering all she did was people watch, she knew the Avengers were behind at least some of the mishaps. Chess didn’t really understand their motivations behind what they were doing, but she was very aware by now they weren’t overly fond of him. Really, she just wondered why he never retaliated, unless that was part of his sentence here on Midgard? She wasn’t really sure of the details as they hadn’t really been important to her.

Today though, things were apparently going to come to a head. Chess walked into the kitchen with a coffee. She had very clearly just rolled out of bed and came into the kitchen as she had on a t-shirt that was too big and said ‘fight me’ across the front and a pair of shorts with a galaxy printed on them. She wasn’t wearing socks or shoes and her ice blue hair was fluffed into disarray from rolling about in her sleep. Still though, she was going to be polite to at least Loki. “Good morning, Loki,” she managed before putting a hand over her mouth and yawning. She had come into the kitchen for something, but what was it? Whatever it was, it was now forgotten, and Loki seemed about to return her greeting when he tripped and fell towards her. Honestly it was probably a miracle they hadn’t both ended up on the floor covered in coffee, but it was probably because when she saw him falling she had jumped backwards a few inches. It took her another moment to register that Loki was now on the floor in front of her and no longer falling, but she set the coffee, which she had accidentally frozen solid in surprise, down on the counter before crouching down to see if he was bleeding.

“Are you alright?” she asked with a slight tilt of her head before offering him her hands to help him to his feet. He took them and she pulled him up when Tony piped up with some commentary of his own. “Hey, Loki. Did you get a good feel?” Tony asked with a smirk. Chess was not the most coherent in the morning, so it took her a moment to realize she had kind of been groped while Loki was apologizing. “I do apologize, please forgive me, I really did not mean to,” he was saying while she shrugged. “It’s not like you did it on purpose, and I actually didn’t even notice I’m not awake enough for this nonsense yet,” she said with a sigh while the Avengers seemed to be laughing.

She tilted her head and looked around Loki to see Tony still had his foot outstretched. “Did you trip him?” she asked, suddenly sounding rather annoyed. The laughing instantly stopped. “I…um…y-uh. No…,” he started and Chess stared at him, hard. The temperature in the kitchen dropped about ten degrees while she stared at him.

She stalked closer and placed her hand on Tony’s coffee mug, it froze and he let go in surprise at the cold. She set it down carefully on one of the counters before pulling back and throwing a punch into his face. That may have been a little harder than she intended, but it was too early for this. He hit the floor and she looked at Steve. “Unless you would like to join him on the floor, Captain, I suggest you take him down to medical as he probably has a concussion,” she said with a frown and a huff before stalking back to the cabinets to get out two new mugs. She poured milk and put them in the microwave before turning and looking at the remaining Avengers in the room. “Anyone else want to be friggin stupid before I’ve woken up?” she asked as the room dropped another five degrees in temperature. Nobody responded. “No? Fan-freaking-tastic, fuckin children,” she hissed before mixing up two hot chocolates and adding whipped cream.

Loki had disappeared before she even threw the punch, but she wasn’t leaving the kitchen without some kind of beverage so that would have to wait. Besides, she personally liked time to cool off so to speak before dealing with people after being angry or upset. She always thought people needed a few moments to collect themselves after such, so she preferred to give a little time before even thinking about confronting someone. She left the kitchen, and it returned to normal temperature as she did, though, she noticed that everyone else had left by the time the microwave went off anyway. Perhaps they couldn’t handle the cold? She made a mental note that freezing her room might keep them from bothering her.

Anyway, she made it to Loki’s room, and as she was holding two mugs, she kicked the door to knock so she didn’t have to set down either of the mugs. She’d heard the door slam while she was making cocoa, so she was fairly certain that he was in his room just not answering. Chess took a sip of her drink before kicking at the door again. “Loki, it’s me. I come in peace, I even brought you a calming warm beverage am I allowed in now?” she asked rather lamely with a sigh. It really was too early for all of this. Just then though, Thor was walking past and clapped her lightly on the shoulder. “I heard you punched out man of irons for tripping my brother! Well done Lady Chess,” he said with a grin and a nod. Chess just snorted and shrugged. “I may have hit him a smidge harder than necessary. Any chance you’re willing to open Loki’s door for me? I have my hands full and he’s ignoring me which is rude because I brought him a drink,” she said with a pout at the blonde brother. “Certainly!” he said with a grin before opening the door and then continuing on his way down the hallway so Loki couldn’t yell at him.

Chess walked into the room and spotted Loki on the floor glaring at the ceiling. “I don’t remember saying you could come in,” he said with a sigh. Ignoring the comment, she stepped over him and set his drink on a table. “There is your cocoa, drink it while it’s warm, I’m going to drink mine and take a shower so that I can become a functional being. If you want to talk when you’re done laying on the floor come find me,” she said with another yawn before stepping back over him and closing his door behind her before heading up to her own room to fully wake up and prepare to deal with the day.

[harry-writings]

Mute

- Where Harry doesn’t talk and falls in love with Y/n.

Masterlist linked in bio

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It's Monday, which means that Harry has to start his week with Physics class.

Harry doesn't mind the subject itself, he actually has come to the conclusion that it’s the class he’s most interested in—it’s more so the three-hour lab that couldn’t seem to end soon enough. Physics lab means three hours of group research, which requires an abundance of group participation and discussion—all of which makes Harry want to crawl out of his own skin.

And despite Physics holding Harry’s highest grade in university, everyone in that class only hopes to not be paired with him.

Not one student has heard him utter a single word, which ultimately led them to believe that his lack of participation will jeopardize their already mediocre grades. But Harry always finds himself writing all the data information to make up for his lack of discussion, even if he hated it.

So inevitably, Harry lets out an inaudible sigh when he settles into his chair, hair a bit disheveled and eyes still watering from the early hour. And he mentally curses himself for sleeping in a couple extra minutes because now he hasn’t gotten a single ounce of caffeine to help him feel more prepared for the next three hours.

Before he can even consider closing his eyes until lab starts, Professor Beau is walking into the room with a scoff on his face, a folder filled with assignments nearly falling from under his arm, and an extra large coffee being held mercilessly in his hand.

All the slight muttering between the students come to a halt upon his entry, not daring to make his mornings any more miserable by breaking any of his rules.

He slams the folders down harshly on his desk, grunting when some of the coffee spills from the cup while doing so. He grumbles before looking at the students waiting patiently for their lab assignment.

“Today’s lab will only be done with one partner, and you both will be conducting Conservative Force Systems. We will be working with several apparatuses—which, as you can see, is all set up for you—in order to determine the spring constant. Upon your research, you are expected to write a five-page paper on the correlation between your data versus Hook’s Law and Spring Constant. All the rest of the information will be handed to you shortly after you’ve settled with your partners."

It’s the first time Professor Beau is letting the students pick their own partners (he normally takes the time to make a ten minute lecture on how it’s statistically proven that college students perform better when the professor makes the group decisions), which ultimately gives Harry the impression that everyone in the class will scatter like sardines just so they won’t have to be stuck with the wordless boy (even if he’s the only student with an A in the class).

So, he remains seated in his lab chair, his finger fiddling with the vertical spring in the middle of the table as he rests his head on his free hand.

He’s waiting for the monotonous voice that comes with whoever didn’t pick their lab partner fast enough—waiting for the inevitable tension that came with every other student he’s come into contact with. But instead of awkward silences and unsure tones, Harry’s greeted with an all too ecstatic, yet all too familiar voice.

“Hi, Harry!"

And fuck, fuck, fuck, it's Y/n.

She makes Harry nervous all the time, but not the kind of nervous he constantly feels—more so the type of nervous that makes him nearly trip over his own feet whenever he walks by her, or the type of nervous that makes him drop all his belongings whenever she gives him the time of day.

She’s beautiful and Harry’s somehow convinced himself that it is genuinely impossible for her to be real. He’s theorized that, because there have been cases of anti-social species that subconsciously develop illusions to help them from their inner isolation, she must be a figment of his imagination.

He’s just never seen anybody like her in the years following his anxiety. She’s everything he isn’t, yet everything he wants to be, and he’s never been able to fully comprehend how the hell she’s actually, truly existing in his lifetime. He doesn’t even think he deserves to be breathing the same air as her.

Y/n is the type of girl to move in her own way. She isn’t afraid to pave her own path or speak up for what she believes in. And goddamn, does she speak an awful lot. Harry always finds himself eavesdropping on her conversations whenever he has the chance. He can’t really help himself, though, there’s just something so enchanting about her voice.

Her voice makes him feel sane somehow—like there’s not an overwhelming burden inside of him. It’s just so goddamn soft and heavenly. He’s heard more voices than his own, but none quite like hers. It’s smooth and gentle, yet chirpy and excited around the edges. And the more he hears her talk, the more he realizes that he can hear her smile through her words.

The first time he heard it, he fluttered his eyes shut and let her sound consume him whole. It was the first day of classes, and even in the midst of all his overwhelming stress, listening to her talk was what shut his mind right up.

She’s the only thing that gets him through his damn Physics labs.

But he never expected her to be here, voluntarily occupying the empty seat beside him while the professor hands out the lab procedure. No, he never thought he’d be the nonexistent side of her conversations.

Fuck.

“We’ve had this class for almost half a semester now and not yet have I done a lab with you. Figured now would be the perfect time considering we’d have nobody else on our case.”

Harry is still gawking at her with widened eyes, feeling a mix of disbelief and confusion as she sits comfortably beside him. She seems completely unfazed that there’s no possibility of him replying to her as she begins to read over the lab procedure. She’s treating him like any other student on campus and he isn’t quite sure as to what to do.

She sighs and scoffs at the paper for only a split second before she turns her body over to him. He has never been so close to her before and he nearly chokes on the air that she seems to have sucked right out of him. She’s so much more beautiful than she is from afar and now Harry’s more nervous than ever before.

She smiles brightly at him, her eyes glowing from the ceiling light and cheeks flushing slightly with pink. How she’s being so casual with him, he’ll never understand.

“I’ve seen you around campus quite a lot but never got the chance to introduce myself. I’m Y/n, in case you didn’t know.”

Harry wishes he could ask her how he could not know who she is. She’s all he wants to listen to and all he wants to look at. She’s the only person he’s encountered that he’s even slightly considered getting to know more personally. She’s one of the biggest parts of his life and she doesn’t even know—and she might not ever get the chance to.

To know that makes his heart hurt.

He watches with a pained expression as she smiles softly at him again before diverting her attention back to the lab paper. She reaches over to experiment with the equipment, her hair dancing over her shoulder with every movement she makes.

Y/n feels Harry’s eyes watching over her movements, softly blushing at the glimmer of fondness in his eyes. She has always felt so terrible for him—nobody has ever given him a chance or even gave the slightest effort to at least acknowledge his existence.

And she has to admit, Harry is the most beautiful person she’s ever laid eyes on. Sometimes she can feel him watching over her in class, and every time she swears her heart swells. He’s unlike anybody she’s ever met and just to get the opportunity to try with him is enough for her.

“So, how about this? I’ll answer all of Professor Beau’s questions if you document all the data. I hate writing down all that technical shit, especially since I always forget the formulas and have to erase everything a bunch of times. Makes a real bummer out of the research.”

And although Harry really can’t stand documenting all the data, either, she's being more considerate than any other lab partners he’s had, and getting out of Professor Beau’s testimonies on the research without making a complete fool out of himself was just too good to pass up.

Y/n’s really going to tiptoe her way around his heart.

.

One thing Harry absolutely loves about Y/n is that she doesn’t ask questions.

Three weeks after being lab partners, Y/n and Harry found themselves spending more time with each other as the days went on. What once only existed in the Physics room and the occasional route to their classes had spread almost everywhere around campus.

Y/n would talk about her day, or just about anything, really. She seemed very open about her opinions and beliefs, which Harry found quite intriguing because she spoke with passion whenever she did so.

Sometimes, Y/n would talk about her favorite music and the movies she enjoys to watch on the weekends. He learned that she’s an absolute sucker for anything made in the 80’s, to which he showed much fascination with because he couldn’t agree with her more.

And no matter how much she talked—which really was a lot, but she didn’t have much of a choice—she never pushed him to say anything back. She never asked him about being mute or asked him what he likes to do in his free time or what books he likes to read. She seemed pretty content with having one-sided conversations with him and never seemed bothered by his lack of response.

But Y/n knew Harry enjoyed her company. Despite never saying anything to her, he’s very responsive with his actions and she could always tell how he felt about something just by his facial expressions or body movements.

He would even giggle at her jokes, or blush whenever Y/n showed him any sort of affection. He smiled quite a lot, too, and always gave her all his attention whenever they were together. Her absolute favorite was when Harry’s eyes would glisten and he’d nod his head feverishly whenever he got excited or agreed with her on something.

They were getting to know each other more and more as time went on, and neither of them intended on stopping anytime soon.

“I’m going to fail this fucking class.” Y/n huffs, dropping her backpack from her shoulder onto the floor with a thud.

She sits next to where Harry is sitting in the dining hall, a prominent pout on her lips as she slumps against the back of the chair. She’s tired and she’s angry—frustrated at how no matter how long she studies for, Physics just isn’t her thing.

She just got done meeting with Professor Beau and he gave her all the information she needed in order for her to get above a D in the class. It’s the only class she doesn’t have an A in and the scores she has to get on the next couple of exams seem impossible.

Harry’s eyebrows furrow with concern when he sees how truly distressed she is. Hair more of a mess than usual, dark bags under her eyes, and lips slightly chapped from being bitten—a bad habit he noticed she has.

He holds half of his sandwich up to her when he sees her eyes linger on his food for longer than they should have. This isn’t the first time she’s been stressed out hard enough to forget to eat and he pouts at her for not taking the best care of herself as she should.

She leans over slightly to get a proper bite of his sandwich, her eyes closing and mouth humming at the first bite of food she’s had all day. If it were anybody else, she would have taken it upon herself to take all of what was offered, but she’d feel guilty leaving Harry with only half of his lunch. And not only that, but between all of her worries and doubts, she can’t stomach the thought of eating a full meal.

She mumbles a small appreciation before she hitches her elbows upon the table and lifts her hands to cover her face. She groans, frustration and helplessness deep within her bones and she’s happy it’s Harry who’s seeing her in this way rather than anybody else. Because even though she does make friends with everybody, Harry is the only person she trusts—the only person she can be real with.

And she’s happy she has that sort of relationship with him—where she can vent and rant to him without having the worry of being judged. He really is the best thing she’s got, and that’s why she can’t find it in her to leave him alone.

“I need to make it onto Dean’s List and I can’t have this class jeopardize everything. I’m lucky enough to even be attending a school like this, my parents will kill me if they see me slacking off. And it’s not even like I am slacking off I just—I don’t think I can work this one out."

Harry reaches his hand over to her, lightly grazing his fingers over her shoulder as a way to give her comfort. He clicks his tongue when she peeks her head up from her hands, tears lightly brimming her bambi eyes.

This is the first time he’s ever seen her without a trace of a smile and it’s in that moment he mentally makes a vow to try his hardest to keep her happy. He doesn’t know if his heart can take the sight of her crying ever again.

And if he had the chance to speak, he’d tell her that she’s capable of doing anything. She has the wildest ambitions, but he knows if anybody could take on the world, it’d be her. He doesn’t doubt it for a second.

When she feels his fingers pinch her skin gently, she travels her fingers from his elbow down to his hand, where she pulls him more towards her. She sighs contently when she feels his arms slither their way around her body, and although Harry is slightly unsure if this is what she even wanted, feeling her body relax against his is enough to put his worries to rest.

He cradles her against his chest and he prays she can’t hear how fast his heart is beating. This is the closest she’s ever been and she’s just so warm and soft, her arms much more welcoming than anything he’s ever experienced and he never wants to let her go.

And somehow, being so secure in Harry’s arms gives her the first sense of clarity she’s had all day. With her arms around his chest, her cheek against his pecs, and her legs tangled with his between their chairs, she feels like there isn’t anything that can bring her down in this moment.

She almost doesn’t let go.

.

The leaves have changed color and the once thick air subsided into the autumn weather, chilling yet warming at the same time.

Y/n had been so stressed about her Physics exams that Harry kept pushing his notebook against her chest, eyes insisting that she copy down all his notes word for word so that maybe she can get a better understanding of it all (considering he really was detailed whenever he wrote, ironically).

She wasted no time to get started, leading him to her favorite lawn on campus and settling against the art building. Not many people pass by the area so it was just them two, getting lost in their studies but still keeping each other company while doing so.

Y/n is sat with a hunched back, notebook steady on her knee, which is in the air from her bent leg while the other is laid out in front of her. Papers and folders are scattered between the two of them, both not saying anything to one another for the time being.

But Y/n is humming, soft and quiet from the throat. That’s one of the things Harry likes most about her—when she’s not talking, she’s humming, and the reminder that she’s still by his side gives him an unexplainable amount of comfort.

Sometimes he uses it as a white noise, using the sound of the delicate vibration to keep focus on his studies, or help him relax after a hard exam. It’s one of the most gentle sounds she makes and he finds it adorable that she doesn’t even know she’s doing it until Harry looks at her with a small smile on his lips.

With the whistle of the wind and the sound of leaves being blown against the grass, he finds himself tilting his head back against the wall and letting his surroundings consume him.

“I really wonder what you think about.”

She says it without looking away from her notebook, still copying down his Physics notes. Her eyebrows are knit together and her lips are pursed, somewhere between concentrated and concerned as she speaks the thoughts in her head.

“I wonder if you’re so involved in the present moment that you forget about everything else, or if your mind is somewhere else—like in your past or in a fiction word—while still holding an interest in what you’re doing.”

Her cheek is now resting upon her kneecap, glimmering eyes staring at Harry’s composure for any sort of answer in his moments. But he just bites his lip softly, blinking down at her.

Before he met Y/n, he was much more of an in the moment kind of guy. He observed his surroundings as best he could, investigated everybody from afar, and was so succumbed in his own life that he never bothered to think of anything else.

But with Y/n, his mind is everywhere.

He does pick up on the things she does, and always diverts all his attention on her whenever she’s around. But when it came to doing everyday things without her, he sometimes finds himself walking on the sidewalk and completely forgetting how he got from point A to point B—all because she was taking up all his thoughts that get forgets he’s somewhere else.

She giggles softly, shaking her head as she turns away from him.

“Fall is my favorite season. I love the smell of pumpkin and just the feel of the air. It’s so thin—such a perfect balance in nature. And the music. Have you ever noticed that, Harry? How there’s some music that just sounds so much better depending on the season?”

He nods with a sheepish smile, a captivating look in his eye because not only has he noticed that too, but because she would be the type of girl to feel so much as to notice the details.

She giggles again, scooting herself closer to him so that their hips are ghosting beside one another. She places her head against his chest, leaning so that her back is against his arm. And despite the evident chill in the air, being so close to Harry makes her skin burn.

“You make me feel like I’m not alone, Harry, in anything.”

And for the first time, Harry slowly starts to write words against her back.

You make me feel like I’m normal.

.

One thing Y/n absolutely hates about Harry is that when she’s not with him, he’s all she ever thinks about.

In the confines of her apartment, it’s like Harry only exists in her memory. Nothing of him is there to possibly make her miss him any less, nor is there any way of communicating with him because he has no other way of being reached besides physically being with him.

Her apartment is cold because even with the heat, the draft from the blistering winds outside finds its way to creep through the cracks of her windows and she’s never been more miserable in her life. With fall slowly coming to an end and winter weather seeming to approach more quickly than ever, instead of finding a warmth in Harry, she has to find a warmth in oversized sweatshirts and sweatpants.

The fall semester is over in two weeks and Y/n is more than ready for it to approach. No classes mean that she’ll finally have more time with Harry than she does now, and their only option to see each other will have to be in each other’s apartments.

But until then, Y/n digs into her record collection until she finds her vinyl for The Smiths. When she first mentioned them to him, he smiled widely and nodded his head when she started to talk about their songs—so she guessed that they were one of Harry’s favorites.

She starts to play Hatful Of Hollow in an attempt to keep her warm.

.

When fall semester ends, Harry waits in the library for Y/n to finish her last final. They both agreed that Harry would take Y/n to his apartment so that she’d know how to get there during the break.

Harry’s excited, and not only because he’ll finally be properly alone with Y/n, but also because the amount of times he’s imagined her laying on his bed with him has become innumerable. Especially in the latest hours of the nights before he falls asleep, he can just see her cute little face tucked right into his chest while her eyes stay closed in a dream.

He could imagine feeling her warmth in between his sheets and he could feel himself burning in it if he really thought about it hard enough.

And he’s thought about her in every other possible scenario, like what she would look like after she had just woken up or what she’d look like making love to him. Even if the thought was filthy and hormonal, he really couldn’t help himself from thinking about it.

He just really, really, really fucking loves her. It’s only been a little over two months since he’s known her and he’s already fallen and completely smitten. Everything she does is just so irresistible and effortless, sometimes looking at her for too long makes his heart hurt.

Upon waiting for Y/n to finish, Harry finds himself wandering around the sea of books that seems to clutter the upper level. He’s not looking for anything particular—just entertaining himself for a while—until he sees something that catches his eye.

It’s a poetry book Y/n had talked to him about. She said she’d been looking for it for a while but hasn’t seemed to find it anywhere. Something about the way she spoke about it made Harry know she had a lot of love for it—even if she hadn’t read it yet.

So finding the book now—right in front of him—right after Y/n’s done with her most dreadful semester thus far of college, he doesn’t even think twice about buying it for her.

.

Y/n and Harry are leaning against the bottom of his couch, so close to one another that their arms are touching and Y/n is laying her head upon his shoulder.

There’s the soft him of Chris Isaak playing from Harry’s record player that stands in the corner of his living room, distracting them both from the lateness of the night and keeping them awake for whatever the rest of the night has to bring them.

They both feel at peace and content with where they are—together in the comfort of Harry’s apartment, lost in a rhythm and succumbed in only each other. It’s nothing short of euphoric.

“I can’t find it in my heart to go back home, Harry.”

She speaks in a whisper, hushed and slow with chapped lips. She still hasn’t lifted her head from his shoulder to look up at him, eyes half closed from the late hours and the comfort he’s giving her.

Her breathing becomes harsh—shaking with inevitable fear that comes with the words she’s about to speak. Even after spending so much time with him and fully gaining trust in each other, she has yet to talk about her feelings for him.

She’s been avoiding talking about it for a while now, scared that he’ll run off and never return to her again. That worry has consumed her and taken over her for far too long now, and with only a couple of days until Y/n is planned to leave to go back home for the holidays, she can’t help but feel emotional with the thought of leaving him.

“The holidays don’t mean much to me anymore. My family never celebrated them much to begin with, you know? My parents work really tough jobs and have very tight schedules. They want me to come home just because they haven’t seen me in a while, but I don’t think I can, Harry.”

Her eyes are watering and when Harry finally gets to look at them, he knows there’s so much being held back. Not just in her eyes, but in her words, too. She’s hiding something from him and he isn’t quite sure what it is—never showing a hint of something upsetting her until this very moment.

He tilts his head at her and places his hand on her cheek, encouraging her to explain further.

She squeezes her eyes shut, loose tears falling down her cheeks as she does so. She just really can’t stomach the thought of losing him—him—the only person she’s ever loved like this and knowing that it can be so easy for her to lose him scares her more than anything.

And she really wants to say it, but she knows that if she does, he wouldn’t be able to say anything back no matter what he feels. So instead, she does the only thing she can do.

She softly presses her lips against his.

And she’s been fantasizing about this for months—the way it’d feel to have Harry in every which way—to feel every part of him against every part of her and soak all of him up. She imagined it to be euphoric and addictive, to have him all to herself and get to touch him in ways nobody else has.

She thought about his hands traveling to places they shouldn’t and thought about his lips against her neck. She even imagined what his lips would sound like if they were to smack against hers.

She expected something, but he doesn’t even kiss her back.

Instead, he does absolutely nothing. His lips don’t move against hers, his hands don’t show any instinct to touch her, and his eyes don’t even close at the feeling of it.

He’s just so shocked. He never thought this would be happening—especially with her—and no matter how much he wants to throw her onto his couch and give her everything he has, he mentally can’t. His anxiety is hitting him as hard as ever and all he can think about is the pounding of his heart and the choking of his throat.

She whimpers, a small cry falling past her lips before she rips them away from his. Her forehead falls to his jawline, feeling nothing but needy for him to love on her back.

“Please, kiss me back. Please, I need it. I need you. I love you.”

Her words are desperate and shaking against his skin. He can even feel her tears on his neck, but this is all happening so quickly and nothing is processing correctly. His head feels light and his chest is tight and he has no idea what the fuck to do.

When she kisses him again, she still gets nothing.

She sobs now—a painful, pitiful sound rising from her throat and there’s an aching in her chest she feels will last forever now. And all these emotions are hitting her all at once—heartbreak, anger, frustration, sadness—all rising to the surface and it’s just too much for her heart to handle.

This is all too much for her to handle. Between falling in love with a man who hasn’t spoken a word to her, devoting all the time she has to him, opening her heart up to him, and letting every ounce of her trust fall into his hands, the best two and a half months of her life are crumbling beneath her and it’s just all too much.

She pushes against his chest, detaching herself from him completely to prevent herself from making her look like an even bigger fool than she already has. She can’t even look at him in the eyes anymore.

She’s lost him.

When Harry feels her touch leave him, reality settles into his bones. She loves him—she loves him. She kissed him and confessed everything she’s ever felt. She had so much faith in him to give her at least something in return and all he gave her was silence and unreciprocated actions.

And now she’s running away, because of him.

He springs up from the floor in panic, teary eyes watching over Y/n’s every move. She’s rushed and uncomfortable—he can feel the tenseness in the air around her. She’s grabbing her belongings in a haste manner, not making any effort to look at him or say anything to him.

But she’s said enough.

He hears her cries and they echo in his ears, almost taunting him and mocking him for what he’s done. Y/n has given him everything he could have imagined—everything he never knew he wanted and he’s letting his nerves take it all away from him. He needs her and he’s practically letting her slip right through his fingers.

His heart really begins to break when he watches her make her way to the front door. And if she walks out of it now, he knows he’ll never be able to see her again and the thought of that alone makes him question all that he’s ever known.

And when her hand reaches for the doorknob, a contemplation scrambles in his head: it’s either he lets his anxiety take control of him and has to watch the girl he loves walk right out of his life, or he finally finds the strength to do something for himself.

His cries get stronger when she rips open the door, and right as she makes the move to walk right out, he feels it.

“No!”

Y/n’s movements halt, the air being taken right out of her lungs and she almost thinks she’s being deceived somehow—like her mind is playing tricks on her to stay where she feels she belongs.

But she chokes out a dry sob, her suitcase dropping from her hand when she feels Harry’s fingers make contact with her shoulder. They’re shaking against the fabric of her t-shirt and she can tell by the harshness of his breathing that it did actually happen, that nothing was made up in her head.

She really does want to turn around, too, but she’s too scared to look at him. She feels embarrassed somehow—feels like everything they had is falling apart because of her.

It would destroy her to look at him again and risk a broken heart.

He can sense her hesitation, and within knowing that this is the first time Y/n is retaliating from looking at him, he feels that Y/n deserves so much more than what he can give her.

And if he had it in his heart to let her leave, he would, because she does deserve somebody so much more than him. But he’s selfish and he wouldn’t want her to love anybody else but him—she’s his.

“Please, don’t.”

Her eyes flutter shut at the sound of him. His voice is needy and cracked from rarely being spoken, but it’s the most beautiful sound she’s ever heard. It makes her heart mend almost immediately, and chills scatter her skin with the mix of his soft touch and delicate voice, the fear from before seeming to seep out of her bones.

She turns around with wet eyes and a small smile on her lips. He can’t see it, though, because his eyes are closed and his forehead is pressing against her cheek—inhaling her and feeling her as much as he has the chance to.

And before she can say anything back, he pulls her close enough to where his lips meet halfway with hers.

[mayordamien]

Beneath A Moonless Sky: Chapter 1

Fandom: Markiplier 

Pairing: Darkiplier x Fem!Reader

Word count: 1,950

Tagging: @kuroskittlemuncher @aliceleafwing @khsupergeek1288 @markired ( this is the sequel to that one fic I did if you were curious about it :D)

A/N: If you’d like to be tagged in future chapters send me an ask letting me know! (This is the sequel to Fallen Angel!!)

How dare you come and claim me now,

Invade my life, ensnare my voice…

There was something incredibly satisfying in being free of that house. Darkiplier—Dark—was just one of many of the egos living in a multi-story house in Los Angeles, California. They were all sides, different facets of Mark—everything was quite difficult to explain, everything that Dark had known from the manor, everything that had once been part of Damien and Celine was gone, and Dark occasionally found himself reflecting on you.

Even now, the only one of the two remaining was Damien. Celine had all but been wiped out by the evil of the house, combined with the unquenchable rage Damien held within. Mark had taken Damien’s body, he had taken yours, and in a moment of thoughtless action, had kicked you out of your own body and taken control. Once he had left the house you had no way of freeing yourself—you had been damned to suffering alone.

The two of you had once been lovers, when Dark was still Damien. You had made love and Dark had been happy, as surprising as that was. Now, if anything, he usually felt quiet complacency, sometimes mixed with the rage he was attempting to suppress. Damien had begun going by Darkiplier after running into Mark, post-manor events, and it was fitting enough. He knew there was nothing good about him, he was just a demon now. Was there something wrong with wanting some shred of his previous life, even if only for his own selfish motives?

After all, you were essentially gone.

If there were some part of you that had survived, it was most likely that all of the goodness got sucked out of your soul, most likely that everything that Dark had loved about you was nothing more than a memory. He could hope, though, couldn’t he?

You had also been pregnant. Or so his sister, the seer Celine, had confirmed when they were in the upside down after you had been shot. It had been an incredibly short-lived pregnancy; the child had not even had time to develop and grow before its life had been torn from it cruelly. Celine had been the only reason that either of them had even known.

It was useless dwelling on the past, however. Dark shook his head and looked down at his hands. They were gray, dull, almost colorless. It was part of why he hated this so much, wanted to get back into his own body instead of walking around in a body that was not his, that had never been his, and had only been his in one special way, and never would be again. Slamming his hand into his desk angrily, Dark closed his eyes, and he felt his shell split, Damien screaming out, flashes of red and blue flickering through the chaos.

“God dammit,” Dark murmured. As if to add to the almost mocking torture his own miserable life was putting him through, William lived in the same house as he and the other egos did, although he appeared to have some form of dissociative amnesia, as he only remembered selective things, and still referred to Dark as Damien quite often, though mainly he referred to him as Dark. 

The name of Damien was spoken only in private between the two. Dark allowed him, as some part of him almost pitied the man in a strange way—William had also taken the name “Wilford,” but to keep things simple, Dark addressed him as “Will.”

The egos had already had a meeting that day, and Dark was thankful that they had finished when they had. He had already been running low on patience, and Wilford had been acting up the whole time, leading to the meeting going over. Dark couldn’t even remember what the matter had been about, but his temper was quickly receding, and he found himself inhaling and exhaling slowly, forcing himself to calm down.

If any of the egos had been trying his patience lately, it was the newest additions to the bunch, two outlandish twins who called themselves both Jim. If Dark remembered correctly, he had seen them skulking around the manor in the aftermath of Mark’s murder, but they had all been much too worried at the time to pay it much heed. 

As Dark brought himself back to calmness, he looked at his nightstand. It was a simple black piece of furniture, and wistfully, he pushed down a frame that contained a photo of him when he was still fully Damien, and it was with you leaning against him happily, smiling brightly. Next to it were a few pictures of him when he was still Damien, except those were with the Colonel—Wilford, now, Dark had to correct himself.

Things were not how they had been, and they never would be again. He couldn’t forget that.

As his thoughts drifted to more recent times with Wilford, there was a knock at Dark’s door. Without thinking, he adjusted the collar of his suit and smoothed it down before placing his hands behind his back. Since losing his cane, he hadn’t had much of anything to channel his tense, excess energy into, so he put his hands behind his back and crossed them to diffuse his extra tension and to help maintain the façade he had of control—when he knew better than anyone that control was an illusion and he would have to manipulate others to get the control.

“Who is it?” he asked apathetically, sounding like he’d rather be anywhere else than there.

“It’s me, Damien!” Wilford exclaimed, and Dark sighed. It wasn’t like he was about to correct the other man—it would almost be worse to shatter the illusion of sanity that the other man possessed, or rather, the illusion that he thought he possessed.

“Come in,” Dark murmured quietly, eyebrows drawn together in a frown, the frown that seemed to perpetually rest on his face. “What do you need?” he asked patiently. Unless it was something absolutely important, the egos knew not to bother Dark. Only Wilford had that permission, and even then, the only reason he could bother Dark at a whim was because the two had shared leadership over the other egos.

“I’ve found something you might want to see,” Wilford said, one finger coming up to twirl his bright pink mustache in a stereotypically tricky fashion. “Was out for a walk outside earlier and wham, got bumped into!” With a step to the side he revealed something Dark had not been expecting to see in a thousand years—you. “Remember her, Dark?” Wilford asked.

Dark’s voice was strained, and he surveyed the woman standing next to Wilford. Sure enough she had the same appearance as you, that challenging yet adorable expression he remembered, those strong willed eyes. “Will—how did you find her? This doesn’t even make sense. She—” He shook his head and bit his lip. If he said anything it could very well trigger Wilford. “Yes, I do.”

Wilford put a hand on your shoulder and pushed you forward, before closing the door quietly.

“Wait, Will—!” Dark started, but the other man had already left. Dark’s eyes darted to you, and you were looking up at him curiously. You didn’t seem to be influenced by the darkness of the house like he was, but he didn’t want to ask you about it. You spoke first, which he was a little surprised to hear.

“Damien?” you asked, and some part deep within Dark stirred in response. Your voice was just as inquisitive, just as curious, just as loving as it always had been. Maybe there was some hope that you could still contain that last shred of light he found himself yearning for.  Dark stepped forward and placed his hand on your shoulder, sliding his hand down your arm till their fingers were entwined.

“No, not Damien, my dear,” he murmured. “My name is Darkiplier, but you will just refer to me as Dark. But if you are wondering if I was Damien, yes, I was.” Your face fell, but then you forced yourself to smile a little in response, as if you were redacting your previous thoughts.

“Dark,” you replied, sampling how the name sounded, before nodding to nobody in particular. “I—I should probably explain how I got here,” you mumbled, and Dark looked at you with mild curiosity, saying nothing.

“Please do, love,” he said, and you felt shivers go down your spine at that statement, at the mere nickname. It was something Damien had never done before, but oddly enough you didn’t mind it. Inhaling, you began speaking.

“After you… kicked me out, I was stuck in the mirror. William left, I think. He just sort of disappeared out the back of the house and so it was just me. I have to confess that initially I panicked—I… I was just so angry at you,” you whispered, tears filling your eyes, and Dark drew you into his embrace. He understood that at least. You had good reason to be angry at him, though he knew he had his reasons for why he had done it.

“Continue your story, my dear,” he prompted, and with a sniffle, and your arms wrapped securely around Dark’s waist, you continued.

“Well, as I was saying, after I calmed down, I thought about things more clearly. I… I remembered Celine’s body was still there. Since she became part of…” You trailed off, not sure of what to say to Dark. 

You had the feeling it was just Damien in there now, that any trace of Celine that had been there was gone, but you weren’t sure, and you also weren’t sure what Dark would think of you if you said what was on your mind. “The body was still whole, still in good condition. So I took a little bit of time to figure out how the upside down worked, and then took over Celine’s body.”

Dark could only assume that you had also then sculpted the appearance of the body to meet your own, just like he had done with your body. He had to admit, he was impressed. While you were by no means weak or unresourceful, he had seen the panic in your eyes when he had cracked his neck and then left you screaming for him in the mirror.

Those moments walking away from you in the mirror and hearing you screaming that he “had promised they would come back together” were some of the worst of his life. Dark had told himself that things had to be sacrificed in his quest for revenge against Mark. However, even though he was different now, even though the Damien you had loved was gone, Dark knew there was still a part of him that cared for you and he wasn’t about to let you leave his side again now that he had you back.

“Love, what do you say to staying with us here?” Dark cooed, feathering his lips across yours possessively. You leaned into the kiss, entwining your fingers with his gray ones, and your lips parted under his as his tongue twined with yours. “I don’t want you to leave my side again,” he whispered, pulling away from the kiss.

You grasped at Dark’s suit, the touch of your fingers as firm as a vise, and you let out the smallest of moans, which he quieted with a deeper kiss. “Will you stay?” he growled, fed up with not receiving an answer. Withdrawing from the kiss, your eyes met his.

“Yes I will. But on a few conditions.”

Dark perked up at that.

Things were getting interesting.

[w1737087]

[Gallery piece 9- Patron of Anarchy]

Patron of anarchy is a photograph I took of my first assigned desk 2019 October. It hints at my loosened morals and development into a next chapter of what I become. It’s come to mainly represent the days I fell into the search for a taste of real life.

See I was still a beginner in my lane of freedom that nobody understood how unseriously fundamental it was for me to go through a prolonged state of fuckery (lawlessness). For the days I had attended I would find myself with plenty of ideas to work from but harnessed all inside my head. I couldn’t find the means to start or know where to begin. You could imagine the difficulty of this nature. So I let days go by as I tended to nothing but the mental aches and troubles of being inside my head and dealing with whoever the hell I was that period of my life. I wasn’t much for an over thinker ever really but I was still suckered into remnants of melancholy that lasted that whole year over what I couldn’t exactly specify and I guess i had to do nothing but wait it out and think on myself a lot and how often I was doing nothing at my desk with all my empty books and inked pens.

The persistent feeling of being in and out place and not belonging followed me around more than I could bother to put up with. That’s a type of discomfort you couldn’t tend to in the right ways. I couldn’t settle down. I felt jumpy and tranquil all at once. Even so when round the clock I was bombarded by disorganised excerpts and loose words hanging for dear life on the tip of my toiled mind. Which was itself filled with the growing fear of aging and voids within me that widened by the mere fact of still accomplishing nothing with this life of mine, daunting me; haggling me to begin already. My seratonin levels hung down low due to this personal rush I entangled myself in and later predominately evaluated, the job I was working straining me of all blithe. A month prior those categorised as friends had surprisingly cut the thread holding us together which I was both mad and heavily relieved about too but altogether at this point of the year I was the one in this prolonged mess; heaved far away from me, very damaged and sulking in a clustered vessel of self ushered issues and frequently low emotions. I felt like clammy hands, stuck in mud and out of place. Like that Katy perry lyric in firework. Just discomfort in all parts of life, THERE. This place provided some endearing comfort like I dreamed it would. I found gradual solace whenever I’d come. Soon the freedom away from home gave me the chance to be someone only I would come to know existed since making friends was and wasn’t on the agenda it didn’t occur much. No one in existence was keeping up with me and The age of living was about to begin.

Semester attitude (out and ins of uni life):

I was alone much of the time lacking in productivity. I simply could do because I couldn’t enforce the energy to focus. I found myself in the contrary of any agenda I set any morning I’d wake and I was dreading the truth before me of accomplishing fuck all by squandering all this potential I had as time did a runner. I carried on however as our imperial universe that guides us all one by one toward our inevitable end decided to assign the free-flow-fuckery phase to me. When results of chance and spontaneity led me to inaugurate foolish behaviour of roaming under no rules or limitations to keep myself at bay I did things to only feed the mind and soul. (Level upgrade). Soon I was unknowingly falling into a new and improved version of myself I guess I couldn’t wait to meet. Flawed as hell but new. I reacquainted with a friend in me when I sat to drink spirits alone and inhaled mixed herbs among a companion or two in the grounds of my new fortress. Joy enamoured me a little more than when I was sober like the so called toxin was a remedy but poison. I was getting better. Things were happening for good reasons and I was rid of people unhealthy for me which induced my realisation in the fact that people failed to suffice in positions of companionship unlike my own wonders with myself. People seemed to take me away from me and i had the time to reflect and realise not to keep falling into people all the time. I was elated most alone since I couldn’t merge with the rest of humanity as well as I’d hoped. I felt people complicated everything. When you were alone you understood the simplicities of life and how you could just survive. To breathe was easier. Hence I concluded I could do all the learning from a distance and avoid people by any means necessary. I found I could do anything from sitting at this desk, even if it was nothing at all and get where I needed to be with my studies.

I went on to spend much of that year lacking in attendance. If I was to finally leave my house it was either to come here or go to work. So I would take the opportunity of bringing my homebody out to drink in the days I preceded to be in uni. It became a viable routine if I wished to attend. It was easy and convenient to just do it. I’d buy a bottle and down a jack intaking enough to meet my alter ego every step of the way till I got to see who else I could be. People often thought I had problems for the way I drank but I don’t think I could have explained to them without receiving pesky opinions my reasons of getting hammered. You didn’t need a day of the week to determine your occurrence of fun. Nor did you need alcohol. Spirits were just a method I refused to not be immersed by in those days. I just wanted in on the lucidity... to feel elevated more than grounded. To feel undefeated and childish. To see myself surprise myself through a new perspective of a much weaker me. You could join or not join, it was my world and everyone was merely living in it. It was new to me and I wouldn’t be done for while. Even if you hadn’t thought it I was in good control of myself. My favourite ally. Nothing could come between a true alliance.

I conclude it was sort of a solution I fell into, a mere highway robbery with the understanding and joyful experience in knowing myself through odd forms indulging in what life had to offer besides my imposed religious/cultured life sprinkled down from mother and father (the imposed life). I was a patron of this high, this getaway and freedom from them and any means of pretentious normality I’d known. It was interesting to know what I was getting up to and how exactly affordable provisions of this world can take me. The behaviours and dimensions i let myself enter through the feel of intoxication in my body and mind were anarchic; out of order. I felt a stimulation of numbness, mild insanity and abundant freedom to do without a second thought some things that didn’t matter even to just let loose and mess around. I wondered and adventured, lazed around and didn’t laze around. I laughed and spoke alone, I worked very little and indulged in the places of my mind keeping a trace on every part of me and my safety. Everything was total misdemeanour and I was glad to have not been a mean or somewhat terrible drunk. I was the good loving clumsy type. Sorry for the trouble for who encountered me but also not at all apologetic for anything. There was no rule of law on my back.

The woman who ran (2020) dir. Hong Sang Soo

Now that period is over and this creation inscribes the blast before the doom. The pandemic shortly arrived and all my la di da adventures were over. Being a homebody most of my life restricted me from much outdoor interaction and so I lacked the energy to ever leave my home which holds my predominant sanctuary but just for a month and over before the doom I attended my desk very frequently mentally preparing and gathering findings for my actual work and wanted to live in some more of this fun I created for myself. Though it was the universe who intervened again to halt that flow of lack of care I had going on of being an unserious first year..

Given my disruptive inattentive behaviour with myself and anyone in my way I couldn’t focus on studies. Even at home when all my days were spent sober. I couldn’t make myself do anything that wasn’t compulsory. So i decided with the understanding that art was a mere definition of anything and everything, my work was going to be about my troubles and inadequacies all through out. I found the way to win without looking. Just to save my own back really. Nevertheless it was all rendered through sincerity and passion.