#all the time. so its crazy 2 me 2 think abt living a life where thats like. Not the norm ykwim. idk maybe im crazy...

[nomaishuttle]

sometimes i think abt how spoiled i was as a kid for having a very physically affectionate family its like. insane to think abt how ppl didnt have that

[boypussydilf]

How many others are there like the keroro platoon. Or dark keroro (in my mind at least I’m not sure what the writers intentions fr what hes doing after movie 3 are). Ppl who got in the keron army and then somewhere along the line find out. Oh you can. NOT. Do that? There are other options for how to live your life than just. Go be part of an endless machine of military expansion? Or even the Garuru platoon. Not all of them are EXCITED about making up shit to make the keroro platoon look better than they are but that’s just bc of like, personal grudges, even though they have all appearances of being a bunch of fairly model soldiers they’re all just willingly lying to the military to let the Failure Platoon with No Plans To Invade keep Not doing their jobs. How many others do you think there are. Who went Man. This is stupid. Let’s do something else.

[nomairuins]

i want to watch the things on my watchkist but i also never do its rly tragic

[reel-fear]

Genuinely so curious who Mike thinks is gonna be buying The Cage or the new DCTL GN bc with the way he tweets as far as he's concerned, it's not gonna be:

The queer people he has actively admitted he will never show any representation of in the games.

2. The POC he has actively fought against representing in his franchise. [Who he also mocked for thinking they would be represented in his franchise]

3. The Bendy fandom which has always been concerned with topics of diversity esp in the sense of queer people since its creation. Who he has responded to really poorly esp in regards to the GN.

4. The fans who critique him. [He blocked me for doing so lol]

5. His fans in general who he tweets about like this currently. [He's being vague about why people were mad at him or sent him 'nasty messages' because if you actually looked into why you'd see he was in the wrong. Either way, a very hateful way to speak abt ur own fanbase.]

Reminder while Mike is trash talking his fans he has always treated them rather poorly. The fans who won the fanart contest for Chapter 5 never got their posters actually in game due to it being rushed. Not only was chapter 5 a big slap to the face story wise, but it was literally so rushed he couldn't be bothered to add in the art his fans gave him for his game FOR FREE. [Meatly blames this on a crazy timeline, reminder him and Mike are the literal ceos of this company. The proposal of future updates here is also pretty cruel considering Mike nowadays happily admits he corrupted Chapter 5's source code and therefore literally can't update it At All currently. Because he is a moron]

At least they got to be in Boris and the dark survival, and by that I mean that was the Only game they got to be in so far, isn't that just treating your fans like you love them? Shoving their hard work into a spin off game almost nobody has played or addresses much. [Hell, who knows if with the Lone Wolf rebrand they'll even stay there. In which case they'll be in None of the games, only in the credits of BATIM]

6. The Bendy fans who just generally disagree with him on stuff. Like the new ink demon design where there is literally a public poll showing people generally prefer the old one.

7. The Bendy fans who can see he is actively lying to them. To their fucking faces.

He says this has always been the case, but screenshots and links to tweets regarding the books being canon prove it was not. Does he really think bendy fans are stupid or something? [Unless he's admitting here he lied to Kress when he told her the books were canon which sounds worse!]

8. Anyone who doesn't like the idea of giving money to a guy who laid off tons of employees then afterwards thought it was a great idea to express his anti-union views! Also brag about how good of an employer he was, according to his employees, he was not!

So in summary; Mike is an awful person who has not learned anything from the awful things he did. I will not be purchasing The Cage because, combined with this and his absolute refusal to take any kind of critique or see any differing interpretation of his franchise, I have no reason to think my problems with the franchise will ever be addressed or fixed. I probably will pirate The Cage along with any future Bendy Products [Including the movie] and will do my best to avoid giving it any kind of monetary support. Unless this changes any time soon, I can't see myself making anymore positive Bendy posts soon.

Mike has just managed to make it so hard to speak positively or optimistically of this franchise when he's so willing to broadcast how little he cares about it or its fans. I'm at the point where I refuse to pull any of my punches with my problems with it. What's the point of trying to play nice with my critique when either way the people creating it don't care?

So with this post, I want to invite anyone who feels similarly about the franchise to tell me, make a post or send an ask talking about how all of this makes you feel. It may not change how things are, but genuinely seeing other people share my feelings of anger makes me feel better. It feels nice to see when other people share our same concerns and worries. I'd also love to know if anyone else thinks they'll be avoiding purchasing Bendy products over this.

I'm not forcing anyone to participate in it nor trying to say anyone who doesn't supports mike but genuinely maybe if we can collectively decide to boycott things like the movie, graphic novel and The Cage... It might at least make the bendy devs acknowledge how much they have destroyed their own fandom's faith and trust in them.

The way Mike tweets about his actions like he had no control over why people were mad at him at least proves to me he takes NONE of it back nor regrets it. If you didn't know about his actions and only went off his tweets, you would be led to believe Mike has been needlessly picked apart by fans over things he couldn't control [or in his own words, had his words twisted and taken out of context]. That is not how you speak about your actions if you have actually learned better from them.

anyway, that has been my bendy dev callout post. This is an open invitation to anyone feeling similarly upset about the way the franchise is going to talk about it. It's genuinely nice to see how people feel about this and the more we talk about the more it's likely the bendy devs are forced to address our concerns. I don't think they will but hey, that's why I'm not gonna support them with my money anymore nor am I gonna be nice to them in any content I make critiquing Bendy. I mean I'm also basically making this post just in case anyone asks me Why I feel this way towards to bendy devs/as a way to respond to anyone who thinks I am too harsh in my critique in the future.

As always, it seems the best part of Bendy isn't actually anything about canon but about what the fan's are creating with the ideas Bendy failed to do anything interesting with.

Also the books, the books slap.

[fandxmslxt69]

What have you been reading!? Tell me! ❤️📖

HI I LOVE YOU !!!

okay so i have been on a ROLL with my reading this past weekend so im very happy !!

FIRST: The Naturals, by Jennifer Lynn Barnes. SO SO SO good it was a 5/5 star read, like i was actually unwell. its like..a YA mystery??? science and FBI and disturbing murders. actually frightening but it was SO SO GOODD!!! basically these kids have these freaky abilities that land them on the FBI's radars, which leads to these teens getting recruited by the FBI to be trained and to use their powers to help them crack cold cases!!!!! These powers are like...abilities that the FBI are trained to use, except the teens just HAVE them and its freaky. CUTE ROMANCE, AMAZING CHARACTERS & DYNAMICS, IT WAS DELICIOUS the mystery was so so yum i screamed. 10/10 JLB never disappoints. i got grey hairs from the stress and could not sleep after but so so worth it

SECOND: I finished Love Unwritten by lauren Asher. HVGNFHGN FGBHNFNGHNFGHNGBHNGHNGHH its a single dad romance <33333333 because smth about single dads heals me !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! another banger by asher, though i think i gave it like a 4.5/5 bc i could not handle the stress and the second hand embarrassment was so bad i dropped the book for a week. HE"S A GRUMPY SINGLE DAD DEALING WITH PAST ISSUES SHE"S RUNNING AWAY FROM THE HORRORS OF HER OLD LIFE AND ENDS UP BEING A LIVE-IN NANNY AND TAKING CARE OF THIS GUY'S KID !!!!!!!!!!!!! ooooh and bc nooooothing EVER goes wrong with that right !!!!!!! WRONG. THEY FALL IN LOVE. lots of hot sex, 10/10 experience i recommend wholeheartedly.

THIRD: I reread a few Lynn Painter books (primarily betting on you, and better than the movies) She writes THE BEST rom coms EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. like when i say. her work heals me i mean it has HEALED ME. its gotten me through stuff. so so so so SO good. better than the movies is like the teen high school cliche romance which i never read bc they're always so ick ick ick but so. so good. third re-read. i loveher. i'd kill for her. the men she writes are too good.

FOURTH: I'm CURRENTLY reading Play Along by Liz Tomforde. It's the 4th book in her sports romance series and its SO FUCKING GOOD!!!! I did reread the first 3 books (Mile High, Right Move, Caught Up) GHEY ARE SO SO SO GOOD if i have not made it clear im actually a sports romance slut. the one im reading rihgt now is a BASEBALL ROMANCE???? never in my life but i am. i've always, shamelessly, been a hockey girl bc thats what the market mostly is but this series has opened my horizons. hockey, BASKETBALL(SO SO YUMMY) and now 2 baseball novels, and the upcoming 5th one is taking me BACK to hockey. UGHEFUGH THIS CURRENT ONE IS SO SOS GOOD THO!!!!!!! its like....they drunkenly get married in Vegas, he's been in love with her for AGES, its cute its fluffy its kept me up until 3am two nights in a row now (the splintering headaches are crazy...) and i've cried 4 times bc Tomforde's books always hit a little too close with the characters and i forget that sometimes. 10/10 im ready to cry some more when i finish it.

ummm yes that is it. i feel alive all over again. have i been giggling abt the scenarios of these books thinking abt where i'd put that in a fic absolutely!! that is why i read romance. im living my best life and its going great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

have you been reading anything LGG!!!!!! i know you were delving into the Cruel Prince last i checked!!! How's it going ?!?!

[formula-fun]

my love. today I read your venom au finally (idk why I was putting it off, probs bc I wanted to enjoy as much of it as possible before I go into venom!max brain rot). RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ABSOLUTELY AMAZING FIC!!!!!!! DETHRONED YOUR OWN ABO FIC FROM MY LIST OF ALL TIME FAVESSSSSSSSS

in all seriousness tho, I loved it so much, max is so silly there:] he's just a big goopy lad who's obsessed with his human and I have to respect it (me too, mate, me too).

now my love, I have a question that burns me which I'm afraid I have to ask: how upset is max that he can't get his human pregnant? and does he make his indignation with charles' biology known? alternatively: mpreg? 🤲🏻? venom style mpreg? 🤲🏻🤲🏻? for me? 🤲🏻🤲🏻🤲🏻? lestappen with a lil goop baby that wrecks havoc and who lives in charles' pockets? 🤲🏻🤲🏻🤲🏻🤲🏻?

thank u for the fic mwah mwah kissing you loving you all that shabam

my LOVE! thank you sm i'm glad you liked it!! <3333 dethroning if i had words is CRAZY my evil little goo fic has come so far hashasahsah no i have so much fun writing them being silly and bullying each other in charles' brain, it's a good time!!

and im gonna write under the cut because i love this question, i have many many many thoughts. this is also gonna show how little regard i have for the source material unfortunately. but im having FUN

so i wrote a snippet a little while ago abt max's reproductive cycle because apparently this au wasnt weird enough, and basically long story short HE can get pregnant and has in the past, but symbiote babies are very vicious and hungry and their first act in life is usually either to eat their parent or be eaten. so max's parenting instincts are pretty nonexistent. they also reproduce asexually, so his mating instincts are similarly nonexistent. sort of. for a while

max is in love with everything about earth though. he loves that so many creatures instinctively care for the young of even other species, he loves that reproduction is a decision between two parties, he loves that humans devote so much of themselves to raising their young. he finds it all kind of sweet, but the weight of it didnt really click until charles found out max could have babies but was disappointed to learn they couldnt raise them and love them like humans do. its like he hadnt really considered that could even be possible for them, but once he learns there might be a way he goes all warm and soft and max is like ??

cause then max realizes all at once, like. he wants to make something with me. he wants to do the things that humans do when they raise their young, he wants to be with me forever and ever, he wants me because his oldest most ancient instinct thinks i would make a good mate and i would take good care of his babies. he wants to have sex because it feels good and he wants it to be me because he loves me, but maybe also he wants it to be me because he wants me to help him make something thats a little bit of both of us?? and welcome 2 earth alien blob max w a breeding kink

and i dont know, i would like to say they find a way around the problem eventually. maybe there's some way it works out? maybe it's some sort of nature vs nurture situation where max's babies end up being super chill because they were raised in a loving environment, or maybe symbiotes arent driven by a base urge to consume, it's just a product of their hive mind which has been silent since the civil war started. maybe any babies max has end up taking on a lot of charles' characteristics simply because charles was hosting him when they were created. it's possible they find a way around it and get a lil goo ball to call their own. maybe max almost does eat it until he feels how anguished charles is abt it, and then he looks down and registers that their baby is the same soft pink as charles' palms and eyelids and the tips of his ears, and all at once he just can't do it

but yeah definitely a lot of room here for exploration and discovery to say the least dfjskfjsdf

[dollivication]

hehe its.. its.. its me.. hii:3

so um.. classmate!v.. hes kinda like top of the class n shit, always getting the best grsdes n the teachers love his ass (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶) bawttt.. hes also pretty much a loner loser bc he doesnt rlly hve any friends and ofc he doesnt have a partner he js has a crazy parrot n a big cat waiting 4 him at home.. ( ꩜ ᯅ ꩜;) 

he kinda doesnt mind it tho!! hes used to it!! till he mets troublemaker!user that is.. he immediately falls HARD 4 them.. like he starts going batshit over it, stealing their shit, fantasizing abt tthem all the time, he even cuts their hair when they sit in front of him LMFAOOO he has this crazy user shrine at home w all the shit he stole from them>< (and best believe he has some fking used panties or sum bullshit in there. do NAWT ask him where he got that from.. and certainly do NAWTTTT ask him why is it crunchy..)

luckily for him user is pretty much failing all of the classes so the teachers assign HIM🫵 to tutor them.. hes head over heels:( life seems to b FINALLY smiling at him when user willingly accept to go to his house for their tutoring!! he was scared of them saying no bc.. everyone thinks hes a lil weirdo (he is) but they accepted nyways!! hes thriving (ᵕ—ᴗ—)

bawtt.. nothing cant ever be too good 4 him bc troublemaker!user is in fact a troublemaker and js cant stay still n listen to him:( it gets worse when he leaves them alone on his room for a sec bc he needed to bring some books or sum— they found his shrine:(

ofc they recognizd the stolen shit as theirs.. now theyre questioning him.. saying that hes a weirdo.. a crazy stalker.. why is he getting hard at this..? user also noticed his boner.. (๑-﹏-๑)

bawttt bawt… not everything is all bad! now theyre on their knees in front of him!! theyre jerking him off!! ofc theyre still telling him abt how hes a dirty perv.. an icky loser— but their hands on his cock js feel too good:( he feels like crying now but its bc of how happy he is:( he likes being told that hes an icky pervert:(

this came to my mind bc i saw a pic of him w glasses LMFAOOO hes so pretty… im climbing the walls — 🍓

HALLOOOO WELCOME BACK 🍓NON!!!! oh my lord. I LIVE AND BREATHE PERVY V SO VAD IM SICKIMSICK

i love ur mind so bad.. LIKE AT FIRST he’s all in his little corner being the freakish goon he is, but his solitude bubble suddenly POPS because… wtf… that person has so many friends is that even possible?? and they looked at me longer than a second? they talked to meee?? i need them. Asap LMFAO

RHE COLLECTION INMM SCREAIMJBG??! AND HAIR CUTTING? FHIS IS MY KRYPTONITE IM WEAKENINH… his freaky ass might even collect a few of their empty water bottles and kiss the edges to pretend he’s making out with user.. BONUS if user wears lik e lipgloss or chapstick, he’ll lick that shit up ….YUCKY!!!

user doesn’t wanna get held back a year, so no matter how much their friends tell them naught 2 go to his house… they go anyway! like ZERO survival instincts cmon now… it’s all good for V hihi!!! AND OH LAWD…. him getting turned on at the insults and sheer absurdity of it all ૮꒰ ˶> ༝ <˶꒱ა

you CANNOT win with this guy… he’s literally so into both DEGRADATION and PRAISE because it’s from his beloved user! the degradation has him leaky, praise has him whiny.. IM ILL IM SICK he’s sick…. i love this so badUGHHF ‼️‼️

[wiseatom]

The end of the year is near! Give a shoutout to your favorite blogs and tag them to spread positivity before the year ends! (from: a secret anon)

ALMOST FORGOT 2 DO THIS LITERALLY RUNNING AND SHAKING AND SWEATING!!! i am putting this under a read more so that i don’t clog the dash but you can catch me in 4k for the second time tonight below the cut:

yes i just rambled abt some of these people. no i do not care. starting with people i have probably interacted with enough to be weird about:

@bylertruther - HI DENISE IT’S ME AGAIN. denise bylertruther my one true love…my first mutual fr fr….ii have screenshots of every nice thing you’ve ever said to me (real) (not clickbait). i hope tht i am in top fans on your blog bc if i am not that is a crime but i’ll do better denise i swear i will. grabs you by the shoulders and shakes you so gently I AM OBSESSED W YOU U HAVE NO IDEA. every take is so true and real and i am constantly in awe like damn ok maybe i should be watching this show like denise bylertruther is. The strongest byler soldier imo and simultaneously every single person on the frontline for will byers. i know they said no new charas in s5 but i think they should really and truly reconsider that stance just so that they can write you into the show bc 1. you deserve it n 2. i want to see mike wheeler bark at u for daring 2 talk 2 will. ty for being correct always and so funny. i am biting you every day and reiterating that every fic i write is actually for you, the Original wiseatom stan,

@andiwriteordie - i say this with all the love and affection and positive connotation in the world, but andi, you are THE most insane person i have ever met, and i am obsessed with you. you are such a pleasure to talk to and bounce ideas off of and just be absolutely batshit insane with, and you are?? crazy talented?? literally SO creative, and your willpower is so admirable 2 me. the amount of fics you churn out is impressive on its own, but the fact that every single one of them is so beautifully written and makes me cry?? even when it’s fluff??? you are also, of course, one of the first fic authors i read for byler - i remember reading the let’s hear it for the boys series on lunch breaks at work over the summer and just like. being obsessed with the way you wrote them and how real it felt, like i was reading from the show. i have done jumping jacks reading your fics. it’s embarrassing. i will continue to do jumping jacks reading your fics. it will continue to be embarrassing. anyway the point is i cherish you and your fics and our friendship so much! punting you into the sun bc i cannot bear to look at you anymore!

@astrobei - suniiii suni suni SUNNNNIIIII. my orange creamsicle my taco bell cheesy roll up my bread puddinggggg. i don’t think i hav ever connected w a person as quickly as we have connected. like wtf we are just. the same person in different fonts n it’s cruel tht we live 3000 miles away bc i just want to wrap you up in my bindle n carry you every where i go. my real n true little sister. thank you for having an aneurysm every time i send u a snippet and for telling me tht i am funny because i need the attention. with that said i would also like to say that i have an aneurysm any time i read ANYTHING you write and you are also SO funny. ty for pioneering cringefail losercore byler and just like. breathing so much life n love into your fics. every single one is just a little love letter to stranger things n i am so thankful for the ones i’ve read and can’t wait to catch up and then immediately go on a 35 mile drive abt it.

@bookinit02 - i would like to state, on the record, that before i knew haven bookinit, i read baby we’re perfect and had such a breakdown over it that i literally blacked it out in my mind. like, i was reading it in line at the starbucks at work, and i was crying in the starbucks at work, in front of guests, n then i went back to my office w my little coffee and cried some more and ERASED IT FROM MY MIND. imagine my surprise when i put two and two together that sweet ball of sunshine haven is the author of the fic tht FUCKED ME UP SO BAD. i reread it the other day n sobbed like a little baby. but haven genuinely you are so talented and your fics feel so Easy, like they just are so in character and feel so Right. i can’t wait until you are a published author one day so that i can build a house out of copies of your book. you deserve the WORLD and i will not stop until it is urs.

@smoosnoom - mooooooOOOON my petri dish pal my eggo waffle supreme thing tht el eats i am biting u so hard. i kno that u know this already but you are literally so talented. lightning struck my house and also me when you hit post on i’m tearing you asunder and neither of us have been the same since. you just have such a distinct prose tht is so poetic and crafted so beautifully and uniquely and i am absolutely in awe every time i read it. u are also just so interesting to talk to like the way your brain works is so fun and cool and i lov being silly with you! i am tying you to a rocket w bert n ernie plushes n sending you to the Actual moon bc u belong up there w the stars (bert n ernie are for company so u don’t get sad and they have walkies in them so we can communicate from space which i think is cool). brb buying sidewalk chalk n transcribing all of ur fics in my driveway

@byeler - irene i know we have interacted a handful of times so you can block me after this if you want <3 but i just wanted to say that your fics were The first i Ever read for byler and i was just. completely shook. i have been reading fanfiction for over a decade and have read fic for ~30 fandoms so i have Been around the block before and there’s this feeling when you find an author that is just. Checking Every Box and you are It, irene. i remember i had to pace myself w the fics you had bc i didn’t want to run out bc it would devastate me. i already said this to you but i can’t wait to read heavy hopes when i am not dying/afraid of plagiarizing before i finish cmbcyb. also every time we have interacted has been an absolute delight, even when it has been bitching abt twitter lol. i think you are so great and i am Going to absorb your ao3 account into my skin. no there is nothing you can do about it. deal!

@miwism - MAL MALMAMALAMAMAAMLAMAMALAMLAMAL. i am going to ask you a question n i want it answered fr i expect a 20 page paper on my desk by monday: who gave you the RIGHT. you are a triple threat in my mind w fic and art n edits and being the funniest fucking person on this godforsaken site. you make me laugh SO MUCH while also making me completely in awe tht a person who is so cool and fun decides to kick it w us Losers. if i were to write you an actual report card i would give you straight As across the board: A+ fic, A+ art, A+ edits, A+ humor, A+ theories, A+ shitposts. comments: a pleasure to have in class. i would literally die for you. i’m serious. i will buy the headstone rn don’t think i won’t. i’ll fax u the receipt. ok great.

@mlchaelwheeler - SARAH. listen i kNOW we don’t talk that much but also i think we have interacted enough on the dash for me to be weird n say that you are That Mutual to Me. like i remember when you followed me i was internally scrambling like ok boys we gotta clean this place up gotta make things nice and pretty for sarah mlchaelwheeler. your analysis is SO GOOD and i aspire to have a brain as big as yours. you are such a delight and positive presence on my dash and when you’re online i’m like ok cool sarah is here everything is going to be excellent. i also want u to know that i think of you every time i watch rink o mania sad wilted will trailing behind mike bc of your icon. Your Impact, Sarah Mlchaelwheeler (ALSO UR URL WTF. ICONIC)

segwaying to people who i think are So Cool and i am Very Normal about:

@finalgirlbyers - sierra u are so funny to me it’s insane, and also, Always Correct. sometimes u post things n i’m like damn i didn’t think tht three minutes ago but sierra finalgirlbyers said it so it must be tru. i am drinking whatever koolaid u are serving, i am part of the hive mind, i would join a cult if u asked, etc, etc. every day i say thank god sierra is fighting the good fight n not a diseased m*lvn!

@elekinetic - ella u are so cool to me fr fr. i need to sit down and just devour your script tag and blow up your notifications bc every single one i’ve read hITS SO HARD. u literally never miss and i want you in the writer’s room sooooo fucking bad SOOOO BAD. more than anyone else. i also just rly appreciate the perspective tht u bring with your education and knowledge of tv and film. it’s so cool and always really appreciated!!

@heroesbyler - stav i think you are so cool and also correct literally all of the time. another one where i’m like oh stav said it guess it simply must be true! just every single post hits and i think tht you are so fun to have on my dash. tht is all. also i am biting you.

@miwiluvr - MOUMO U ARE SO COOL N TALENTED N EVERY TIME U REBLOG ONE OF MY FICS I LITERALLY DIE. if i never am able to post again it’s miwiluvr’s fault everyone…but fr ur art is so soft and just gorgeous and natural looking and i want to eat it with my mouth. thank u.

@nnilkyway - speaking of art i want to eat w my mouth - yvie omfg. you are literally so talented n when i followed you n you immediately followed back i had 2 sit down on the floor of the stranger things experience in los angeles california n that just felt so fitting somehow. ty for providing me w the mitski bangers i needed. also we are best friends in my head sry but it’s true so ur just going to have to deal with that.

@modsisawesome - more art i want to eat w my MOUTH. WTF. expect me to blow up ur notifs in a few days or weeks or whenever i have time i can’t make promises BUT EXPECT IT WHEN U DON’T EXPECT IT BECAUSE. UR ART IS SO SOFT AND REAL AND FUN AND I AM OBSESSED W IT AND U. i kno i declared us best friends n then fell off the face of the earth but tht is still true. bother me any day of the week i will respond probably tht same day of the week bc i think u are so cool.

@light-lanterne - angel you are so cool and i am so in awe of u every day. first of all your graphics are absolutely beautiful and please direct anyone who says otherwise directly to my askbox bc i will tear them a new one. second of all i think you are The biggest supporter of the byler fic writers and i am just so thankful for that and so appreciative of what you do. i am going to fight for my life to carve out time in the new year to read your fics they are at the Top of my list bc i want to show you just as much love and support as you have shown us!! thank you!!!

@new-ronantics - eevie i have such a crush on your art it is insane. everything you put out just has so much life and fluidity and looks so natural and i know how hard it is to achieve tht so i am just in awe of your talent. also your url is top tier and you are so so funny and every time you are online i am saying THANK GOD EEVIE IS HERE!!!!

@messrsbyler - nic i want to get to kno you better bc i have seen tht u are evil and dark minded and i am also evil and dark minded so i think we would get along so well. let me know when u want to be evil and dark minded bc i am always free to be evil and dark minded. thanks .

ok i have the memory of a goldfish and i am also so tired and also should really honestly truly be writing fic BUT i am so sorry if i forgot abt anyone!! if i did it’s probably just bc i am Afraid of u or we are so new mutuals. pls everyone bother me in the new year and then i will spend all year writing novels abt u for december 31 2023. ok goodbye <3

[yuukei-yikes]

That post str Harutaka angst hurts my heart a little but I do want it

HEH. CONFLICT IS SO FUN OKAY. haruka and takane get along too well i need a little something to have fun with.... also thank u for sending this im totally using it as an excuse to talk about it. i went crazy in this ask sorry

ok. i KNOW forward by winterhats exists...... and thank god it does 🙏in case u havent read it erm read it. thats like harutaka content 101... not to spoil stuff but something about haruka not telling takane abt his condition Does take place in that fic. but the thing with that fic is haruka has no memories.... (post str no memory haruka is a concept i was never a fan of bc it doesnt rly make sense to me?? Still love forward though🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏) SO IM THINKING OF a canon situation with haruka remembering fine yknow...

logically i think takane would be sad rather than angry once finding out. also she'd hear it from shintaro who is the only one who knew, aside from kenjirou but he's x_x post str💔 so shintaro it is. also it's such a shintaro thing to do isnt it?? accidentally mention it to takane or assume she knew and realise he messed up like, way too late. like he already said it like 5 times before he realised takane is asking him to repeat it so many times precisely because SHE DIDN'T KNOW

like i said i think its kinda a fragile thing because God its so sad. how could u even get mad at someone for choosing not to say they're dying. so yeah logically takane Would be mostly sad about both the sad reality haruka was living AND how she wasn't told, because to her it means haruka didnt trust her or maybe felt he couldnt count on her.

im abt to overanalyse: personally from a writing point of view i think the reason haruka doesnt tell takane is because headphone actor was already written and the narrative where takane doesnt know was already there. haruka's 1 year to live thing was written a lot after, with over the dimension. but besides that: from a character standpoint, of course haruka wouldn't tell takane. she is the last person he wants to worry and the one he wants the most happy memories with. and something important about haruka and takane's relationship is the fact neither knows much about each others conditions. in both their povs upon introducing each other to the audience, they both explain their illnesses briefly. they both say "i havent asked much". to me its always been about haruka and takane deeply relating to each other about people feeling sorry for them. so they dont owe each other the explanations theyre so used to giving to others! so to me, haruka doesnt tell takane because 1.he doesnt want her to worry more than she already does 2.he wants to have happy memories of her 3. related to that, doesnt want her to look at him differently. she is the one person who gets it. if he were to come clean abt it, he'd lose it. besides, haruka tells shintaro by the time he's like. LOSING HIS MIND and really deeply depressed abt the situation. kenjirou also knows... but haruka's father could've told him since its mentioned they used to be colleagues. personally i think haruka told him himself, since he also mentions kenjirou is the only adult he's ok sharing stuff with, so in a way its implied if ur delusional like me.

erm. anyways. i got a little sidetrack IM GONNA GET TO IT OKAY its just, haruka's dying words for takane man. don't cry anymore, you're gonna meet so many new people, etc. he basically tells her he is just 1 person in the long long life he assumes she will have. theyre best friends, he knew takane would mourn him terribly and thats why he thinks all that stuff he cant actually tell her.. augh haruka's goodbye to takane always gets me so so badly. bc he KNEW... like, ene lives in so much regret for not telling haruka how she felt but haruka died knowing she loved him. even if he didnt know it was romantic, he still knew she loved him :( i was going somewhere with this. (pacing around my room) oh yeah. his dying words. haruka doesn't convey all this to takane while he has the chance because of the stuff i said before but the most important was number 3. he doesnt want takane to look at him differently. plus everything he says while he is dying... god id post the whole screenshot. but he says "dont get mad at anyone but me" "please dont cry anymore" "im so sorry youve given me so much and i couldnt give back" he... doesn't Want to see takane upset. he knows she will be upset anyway but its like. at least he wont be around to see it, in a way. we could see this as kind of selfish but like The guy's dying come ON. i think he has the right to do that. lol.

WELLLL COMING BACK TO THE ORIGINAL APPROACH LMAO.. takane finding out post str....... i went on that tangent to defend haruka precisely cuz i dont think takane would be genuinely mad. its a tricky situation and its not like she can be like WELL BUT U KNEW AND U DIDNT WARN ME!?!?!?!? Like THAT IS a pretty lame position to take. HOWEVER. CONFLICT (PUTS HANDS DOWN) i think takane just needs to be mad

WHILE TAKANE WOULD BE MORE UPSET THAN MAD she IS also super impulsive. like insanely impulsive <- finds out she loves haruka and immediately runs for it even if it terrified her. so in the spur of the moment she blows up on haruka about it LOL like as SOON as she finds out. like i imagine she probably hears it from shintaro and like immediately leaves mid conversation to go find haruka and yell at him. that kind of thing.

and haruka's all like 😨😨😨 and he's stuttering cuz HE HAS AN ANSWER ABT WHY HE DIDNT TELL HER IT JUST SOUNDS RLY BAD LIKE "ERM I DIDNT WANT TO SEE U UPSET❤️" like in over the dimension haruka does get pretty nervous when takane starts pressing even if its as a joke. so especially with something so sensitive he has no idea what to do. i think he'd try to be all composed though bc its Post Str and idk str haruka is so. ethereal he is so calm isn't he. i think he would get nervous initially and then get himself together but ends up coming off as dismissive. so hes like i didnt tell you.....because i didnt want to❤️ and takane probably just needed to be mad for a little bit and was gonna get over it and be sad but hearing that just makes her so damn upset for realsies and haruka notices how she changed from😡 to 😐 and hes immediately like oh takane.... no... i didnt mean it like that...i just mean...OH DONT MAKE THAT FACE I DIDNT MEAN IT... and takane's like NOO DONT TOUCH ME WHATEVER IM LEAVINGGG unnecessary conflict in a romcom vibes

conflict probably lasts like. a day or something. a week tops. its harder for haruka than for takane. takane finds it a little refreshing i think its also cool to link it to all the other headcanons abt haruka being super desperate to be in company because erm Daze confinement gang🙏💥 while takane's a little like. i havent had a minute to myself in 11 days. so this distance actually helps her a little while haruka is like Hour 5 without my girlfriend I've cried so much i cant see anymore

they both feel like shit and do spend the time trying to see the situation from each other's perspectives though so takane realises she's being self centered and stupid and admits she just wanted to be angry and took it out on the first thing she could grasp at. but it was unfair. takane will apologize first and probably tells him she doesn't need or want him to "protect" her feelings and wants him to count on her from now onward. haruka's like *nod nod nod nod nod nod* and thanks her for apologizing. hed try to also apologize but takane doesnt accept it bc he wasnt wrong it was her who was unfair. hehe. i think he'd be crying so hard too bc to him its all these feelings coming back abt how he felt when he died and all the things he thought of telling her then. maybe he would tell her abt it, like i was thinking about all the people you'd meet and how u should be happy and not cry for me. and how in disbelief he still is that theyre together. sorry im. auauggagaggsgsggqgggg

all this just for me 2 enjoy the mental image of the little time in between where theyre awkward around each other and takane wants a little distance for a bit. i think itd be funny to see haruka being totally pathetic abt takane not paying attention to him. anyways. yeah. something like that i guess

[mrkis]

So I have this story I want to share cause sometimes and opinion from a "stranger" can be more helpful. 😅

Basically, yesterday I received a message from an ex-colleague of mine (havent seen/talked to him in over 2 years). I had shared a funny real about "manifesting a sugar daddy" this year and he reacted to it and then asked if I find one to ask him where he can find a sugar mama, and I totally jumped on his joke and replied, however, I didnt expect for any further communication but man did he keep going. He kinda started flirting to which I started hyperventilating cause I havent spoken to him in years and it was all happening so damn fast..😵‍💫 He started complimenting me and saying I have what it takes to catch a guy's attention, that I cook well and its a full package deal (I have brought pancakes and brownie at work before and he has eaten it). And it was both flatering but also confusing. As you can tell he was making a move on me and was very clear with his intention for a hook up, cause he kept saying how he wouldnt turn me down if I asked and what not.

The crazy part comes here - he asked me how long has it been for me since the last time I had sex since I told him I dont do hook ups and I kinda lied and said that its been 5 years since I have been single for this long, but the thing is I actually still have my V card at age 25 ... 🫣 I have some experience, like I have went 2nd base with my ex (no blowjob tho) but still back then I didnt feel comfortable with him to go all the way so nothing ever really happened.

Dont get me wrong, Im not ashamed of being a virgin, but I am tired of the fear of admitting it to dudes, cause society has made it to be a bad thing when its not. Anyway, you can imagine how shocked he was at that and he even asked if at least I "help myself with the stress" and obviously I do, so there is that, but despite me saying I cant do one night stands because of this moral boundary he kinda kept going on how I should try it at least so that I dont regret it later in life and mentioned he wanted to "make me an offer". To that I said he is kinda late, cause well we dont even live in the same city anymore (I moved) and I also said that we can meet up for coffee but I cant give him what he wants from me. He was respectful of it, thank god, but my brain is my own villain. I now overthink shit and feel like I made a good and bad decision at once, cause horny me really wants to have sex and mind you I have always been sexually attracted to him. I had a crush on him for a month back in 2020 which was awoken because of a sex dream I had. I think he also had a crush on me later that year cause he kinda sorta asked me out to dinner during work but I thought it was a joke and reacted to it like a fucking loser (in my defense I was also on a call with a client /call center job). So we do have history, I also think we've always had this sexual energy and frustration but neither acted on it until well yesterday.

Moral me is saying I did the right choice, cause I want my first time to be with someone special and to mean sth, not be a hook up. Horny me is mad cause I was basically offered dick on a silver plate and said no ... 😩🙃

Sorry to drop this on you Cas, but I feel so comfortable sharing this with you 😅 I guess this blog is my safety place in so many aspects. ❤️

Also, how you doing, lovely? ❤️

for starters, his approach was kinda odd straight off the bat. don’t get me wrong, i’ve had conversations with people i haven’t talked to in awhile abt random shit and joked around with memes and whatnot, but the fact that you haven’t spoken in two years and he went into this conversation asking such personal questions rubs me the wrong way completely.

compliments are great, sometimes you cant go wrong with them and they do make you feel great, but the fact he was complimenting you just for a potential hookup is where it gets gross. there was…. no need, whatsoever. it shocks me how he was moving the conversation so fast lmao.

him asking abt the last time you’ve had sex is so…. eh. ew. sorry. it is. like, he doesn’t need to know this!!! at all!!! and it’s completely ok to be a virgin at whatever age. society shouldn’t shame people who are, it’s so silly. it has nothing to do with them. you shouldn’t be afraid of admitting it either, but of course that’s easier said than done. but trust me when i say that people (men, in your case) actually don’t give a shit abt whether you’re a virgin or not. you may think they do due to how society treats it, but they do not care. before i lost my virginity and was talking to this guy i liked, i had to admit that i was a virgin because i was scared of our relationship going further and that he might expect something from me. and he just looked at me like 🤨 and went “that’s ok? idc, it doesn’t bother me”. they don’t care! i promise! and if they do, they can go fuck themselves

“help yourself with the stress” what are these questions he’s asking😐 im so baffled rn. truly. this is unbelievable. and hold on….. tf does he mean abt “you might regret it later in life”??? what??? not experiencing a one-night stand??? tf??? why would he think you might regret something like that when you’ve made it perfectly clear you’re not into stuff like that🤨 crazy fucking behaviour.

personally, i think you made a good decision. because even though that turned on, horny side of you is wanting to have sex, that’s not exactly the real you, yk? you, normally, just wants to wait for that special someone that you connect with and that’s completely ok. you can wait for as long as you please. you control it. nobody else, please remember that.

and don’t feel sorry abt dropping this on me. i’m happy i can be some sort of safe space. you, and anyone else who is comfortable, can always come to me and vent/rant. i truly don’t mind. i’m all ears🖤

and i’m ok!!! i’ve been in my head recently and overthinking my own stuff and putting myself in bad moods but that’s my fault completely😭 i’m hoping that this new therapist i’m getting will be of help because when i get comfortable, they’re gonna hear some shit😭😭

[motherforthefamicom]

imtrying 2 engage in ur interests tell me more abt the critters and creatures in kolona door to phantomile pls

OH COOL well immm not too sure how to explain things without spoiling too many things abt the games story but ill try my best <=] (oh god this got really long im so sorry. i dont know how to explain things without making them massive paragraphs <//3)

so first off obviosuly youve got klonoa, main/titular chaarcter the guy you play as. hes just a little guy (literally hes like canonically nine yrs old or smthn in door to phantomile) and here for a good time! the game kickstarts with him finding this ring in a forest near his house, which contains this wind spirit named huepow ! huepow basically just works as the backbone of the gameplay mechanics (lets you grab n throw enemies) + is klonoas buddy throught the game . klonoa is this like. weird rabbit cat creature Thing its kinda purposely left ambiguous and like every other character is the game is some funny looking made up species

in phantomile (the world that game takes place in) theres four large groups all themed after a different elemment (so klonoa is from wind village, the second area you go trough is forlock forest(nature/plant life), then jugpot falls(water) and the sun kingdom which is in the sky .

in the first level where youre running theough wind village to inspect this weird thing klonoa heard crashing into the hill at the center of the village, you meet this guy named balue who basically gives an exposition dump explaining hes building a tower in an attempt to get to the ‘moon kingdom’, which is basically this in universe myth/legend and klonoa kinda thinks hes just saying some crazy bullshit but balues motivation to go there is cuz he wants to meet this diva popstar type girl named lephise (except shes actually like incredibly fucking important to the state of the world they live in like. as a whole. balue kinda glosses over this himself but its made pretty clear not too long afterwards)

anyways so klonoa and huepow make it to the hill and there they meet the main villains, joka (this funny jester orb guy whos like the second in command. hes a horrid little creature and i want him dead /silly) and ghadius (its kinda unclear what this guy even… is at first. but hes basically the big boss in charge of all the shit that goes Wrong throughout thw game, and wants to turn the world into an ‘eternal nightmare’) uh the two of them are badically just talking to this fucking. unconsious girl(who you find out is lephise) and basically theyre just plotting n schemeing, trying to find this special mcguffin blah blah blah.

funny thing abt the enemies in thsi game is that theyre fucking adorable?? like the main grunts youll find are these little guys called moos and theres a buncha variants of them and rheyre just the cutest little things in the world.. whats funny is theyre supposed to be made of ‘pure nightmares’ or whatever lmao

oh yeah the game has this whole dream motif throughout the whole thing.. theres more to it than what ive mentioned but that gets into real heavy spoiler territory hehe

uh i dont know where to end this theres so much more i could say.. like uhh everyone in the game is voice acted but they all speak in funny little animal crossing esque noises. but everyone has their own unique kinds of noises they made if that makes sense?? like characters from the same region or of the same species will have simlar sounds but their individual voices also sound different. i dont knkw how to explain it well but it makes sense when listening to the voicelines hsgshgs

[moot-lover]

Things I just can’t seem to say to my own therapist bc I’m afraid of going back to the psych ward.

TW: S@, Divorce?, abuse, swearing, $h. @n@

.............................................................

A lot of ppl don’t know this abt me but I used to go to speech therapy when I was 3. That prob explains my shit English so bare with me a little :3.

Yk I guess you could say my whole life my parents fought. My own father told me the reason he sent me to speech therapy bc he didn’t wanna argue with my mother. I remember always hearing my mother and father fight every week. My job was to try to stop the fight or just protect my sister. I basically stepped up as a mother for my own sister because my own parents couldn’t because they always fought. I did struggle with psychosis at 6-8 at the same time.

I remember it going downhill all in 2019. I always saw these posts saying “I wish it was still 2019” to be honest 2019 was one of the worse years of my life. One of their fights got heated and the police where involved. When everything calmed down they told me and my sister they were gonna get divorced.

You could say their divorce was a huge blow on me. My sister too but my sister got over it quickly. She can accept reality quickly but I can’t. I remember trying so hard to try to fix my mom and dads relationship. I couldn’t accept the divorce for years. And maybe there’s still a part of me that still can’t. I’m not really sure.

I was forced to change schools. I was way happier in my old school but I’m somewhat grateful to have changed schools bc I’ve met some of the greatest ppl in my life. Which I will always appreciate so much. But yk that school had its downslides just like any other school. But ive been sexually harassed in this school too. I couldn’t feel safe. I couldn’t be happy. My friends were the only reason I actually liked going to school. I always afraid of being near the guy who SAed me. For 2 years this went on for. 2 YEARS. I didn’t get help from anybody. Not even my parents. I felt so neglected it’s crazy.

Then yk this year (new school now) I’ve been struggling with my depression and anxiety more now. I was on new medication almost every 3 months because none of them work. I’ve been sent to the hospital so many times it’s crazy. (I was sent to the hospital 4 times or something in my old school) I think I’ve been sent to the hospital 7 times by now. Tho I met an amazing friend. Or so I thought. She made me happy. I thought I was finally gonna get a good friendship. That was false. She SAed me so many times it’s crazy. She gr00med me, and by the state I live the closest thing to this is s3x trafficking. I was called a liar. No one believed me to the point only my closest friends and my mom, grandma, and my sister believed me. The worse part she knew I was SAed before. And she has a gc where she shit talks about me and tells her friends lies about the situation saying “She’s just jealous I have friends and you don’t”. I remind you that she made fun of my sh and me taking my medication for depression. It’s crazy still after all this evidence she lies and her friends still believe her.

During the same time my eating disorder rised up. I feel like I can’t eat. I feel like if I eat I’ll be fat. I’m scared of gaining weight. I’ll go crazy to lose weight. I’ll walk in circles to lose. I stay up trying to lose. I try to avoid so much meals and my parents can’t allow me to skip meals which makes me go even more crazy.

And literally 2 days ago my grandfather was diagnosed with kidney cancer. I feel horrible. I don’t feel happy.

I want help no I need help. I feel like I need someone to love me but I can’t find anyone who can. And all my exes we break up on bad terms or on neutral terms. I don’t wanna get into them because I’m over them by now but I dont feel loved. I love this girl but I know she doesn’t love me back. I can’t either feel love and when I do it’s obsession. I don’t feel healthy and I can’t keep a healthy relationship. I want someone who I can hold onto. Maybe feel like, “this is okay I’m finally home”. Which I know I won’t ever feel that way. I’ve been abused and harassed for so long I’m so desperate for someone to love me. I’m not okay. I’m so tired. I just wanna be happy.

And that’s my little vent ig.

[candydollita]

Can you plss do all the asks? 🥺🩷

yess of course tis was fun ^-^

Dolores - whats favorite movie/play?

i have multiple but of course tangled <33 that movie is so special to me !! also lolita (1997), leon the professional, the handmaiden n marie antoinette r my TOP favorites !

Selah - any wild school stories?

umm idk bc it was a long time ago so i dnt remember much n my whole school life is just embarrassing bleh i had lots happen even tho im the quiet girl so u wudnt think but i even got suspended once lolz

Layla - do you believe in love at first sight?

yes n no ! i like the idea of it bc it sounds magical n romantic but also dnt bc i dnt like the idea of appearance mattering so much but realistically it does n actually the fact that taste is subjective n how ppl often change their appearance in subtle or non subtle ways to feel more like who they r inside makes love at first sight sound a lil more plausible, sure not always but i dare say the fact that someone is an 'npc' says at least that they do not prioritize self expression thru style ! there is small things that might make someone fall in love lik things that r more abt someones aura rather than the superficial way we view the phenomenon .. now im not sure the depth of said feeling or if its simply attraction but rly what is love anyways >.<

*update: rereading this ... wat in the adhd brainrot was goin on here😭 it doesnt even make sense ! i tried to fix it a lil but girl wat R U SAYIN LMAO*

Luli - favorite summer memory

i spent a summer in my grandma house n it was a super fun summer ! play freely outside everyday watch cartoons till late at night ! also there was so many animals, bunnies, ducks, puppies n a guinea piggy n i even made a rly close friend w a neighbor little girl same age as me ! i also have memories of going on walks thru the forest with my great grandma n i think it was season 2 episode 1 anne with an e where she is having fun in nature thats how i felt n looked like to my little kid eyes !!

Eve - do you believe in the supernatural?

i do !

Tracy - are you impulsive?

way too much …

Evie - would you say you’re the “wild” friend?

yes smh im rly shy but i will do anything with my friends as long as it isnt smth as scary as social interaction... if im curious (which i always am) n it sounds fun ya im in

Adrienne - any crushes?

real or fictional? bc yea

Iris - do you consider yourself street smart?

absolutely no

Mathilda - do you have any siblings? if so who’s your favorite?

only child

Angela - did you play sports in school?

fuck no only when i was forced to in PE :c

Violet - do you consider yourself an “old soul”?

um kinda between an wise being n the dummmiest of the dummies

India - do you play any instruments?

no im no where near that cool :c

Ivy - favorite place to hang out

in my bed or anywhere there is cats :c i will update once i travel more n move out frm hell on earth …

Vivian - did you move a lot growing up?

move as in lived in diff places ? if so no the bane of my existence is living in the same small town my whole life

Enid - whats your best friend like?

she is the kuromi to my melo ! the wednesday to my enid heheh

Nikita - have you ever had a teacher crush?

no comment mybbb i did but i rather not think abt it jeez

Jasira - what was your first SO like?

idk how to answer this but probs an asshole

New New - have you ever been the new kid in town?

so i know i said ive always lived in the same small town but i kinda moved to the country side in that small town n went to school there so yes plus i moved once again to other schools in town so was the new kid in school if it counts

Lala - do you prefer carnival games or rides?

bothhh i luv carnivals !!

Jules - whats your dream job

i dont dream of labour :/ but i wud rlyyy like to create a brand smth crazy like sanrio or mezzo piano with mascot characters n clothes, acessories, stationery etc !!

[yanawildstar]

Do you Believe in Miracle?

Every person have to love at least one bad partner in their lives to truly thankful for the right one. Before I met my hubby, I do  have quite a handful of exes too.. Hehe.. My rebellious bad girl phase!!!  Mostly they are great guys. I just tend to get bored easily back then and often end up asking for the break up.. I mean, hey I was young and carefree back then k, so don't judge me. At least I'm honest towards them and i don't cheat behind their back. Or worst I'm not using them for my own benefits. I do have a heart k. I do care. But not too much. I'm not 100℅ heartless bitch. Sooo.. After all those bittersweet past, somehow i tend to tell myself i have to change my mindset on relationship sooner or later. Cannot be that free wild girl.. Must think about my future.. Settle down n grow up..

So on early June 2010, when I'm still in a complicated on off relationship with F, I receive a miss call from an unknown number. I msg the no back asking who was this, since I hate talking on the phone with unknown no. It took the person a few hrs to reply, so I just forget abt the miss call. and I'm still continue with F at that point of time. soon things getting from bad to worst on mid July.. F was getting more controlling n his temper is worst. So one of those day I just had enough of his attitude n do what i shd hv done long time ago, call it quit n end the relationship with him for good. Just liddat. No hard feeling tho. Well I have to admit, I do had my "fun" moments with him but I have decided to move on.. I just can't see my future with him.. N I think that what he thinking too. So after that day onwards, remember the miss call guy?! well guess what i finally get to know him! Hehe!

We agree to meet up under my block one day after his work. 😂😂 Up till now I can even still rmbr what he wore on that first day we met! (Plain black tee, blue jean, brown sling bag, brown echo shoe!) It was like a dream come true!!! Its more like love at first sight. Since dat first meet,We talk otp n sms almost every single day!!!Hehe. So one month later, we decided on getting engaged!! Yup yup! I only know this guy for a month n already agreed to get engaged for 2 year! Haha that's how much I trust this man! Crazy idea but hey I trust my gut alright! Deep down I know I'd made the right big choice in my life! He is my Mr Right. N yupyup im glad i made that choice! So Yeah, like any other couple, We do had our ups and downs through the journey of our relationship till our wedding day.(Dec 27' 2012) But we managed to overcome it bit by bit. Every obstacles we facing we solve it together as one team. The main key thing is Trust. So after what we been through, look where we are now!!! Alhamdullilah, We r happily married n living a blessed humble life.. Even after all these years,(coming to 11 years!) being his wife, I sometimes still couldn't believe that I had landed myself such a warm loving perfect sweetheart as my husband. I'm proud to say that my hubby here was living proof that there's still special men out there capable of LOVE! I guess I'm that one blessed, lucky girl, one proud wife!

[sociallyawkward--fics]

hi xy time for what is becoming my annual checkin! how are u! i feel like since its been abt a year i have to infodump abt all my character development hold on i'll speedrun it. my pronouns r it/its zhey/zhem or (less preferred) they/them. and i have settled on those. it/its is the only one thats ever given me gender euphoria, took 4 years but i got there. ummm realized i have autism (undiagnosed). love the stimming and the being insane abt fictional characters the rest isnt that great. got anxiety meds!!!!! oh my god xy!!!! life is so good now antidepressants r a girls best friend. also. hold on ur never gonna believe this. i have adhd meds now. the crowd goes wild. was like yea doc idk i just think the anxiety meds r not improving my ability to focus what was that u said abt adhd^__^ n she was like hmmmm ok i cant diagnose u but i can give u this adderall u dont need a diagnosis for n if its like glory hallelujah we'll just assume u have it and GLORY HALLELUJAH. ive cleaned my room like more times in the past few months than i have my entire life im WINNING. i cant rly feel if its working but i'll sit down to write or smth n i wont get distracted every 5 seconds n the mental block that keeps me from doing things is gone!!!!! life changing stuff just wish i had it before my grades fuckin woooo splat. um my gpa is 2.2 weighted im like. ok well now that i have adhd meds im working on it -H (i feel like. ok i think tumblr made it so ur asks can be longer but fuck all those liberals n their woke agenda (joke) i am all abt tradition babey i'll be back for a pt 2 rq)

ummm rly into books love books. "thats old news h everyone knows that" but like im being wonderfully unnormal abt them<3 there was this one series the ascendance trilogy n i was fucking OBSESSED w it when i was younger n i learned there was a 4th n 5th book recently so like. the trilogy thing was a fuckin lie. but i obviously had to reread the series so i could read the new books n im still so obsessed w the series its so banger for a middlegrade series. got so unnormal abt it i made a 7hr playlist for the main character bc everyone elses sucked so much ass i just had to. still in the process of rereading but yeah. also theres this OTHER series the raven cycle i read recently n im also obsessed w that these series r all like my ideal books they hit all my favorite tropes. yeah just being rly unnormal abt books thats my current obsession. also. drawing. im so good at it u wouldnt believe. next fuckin van gogh right here. n honestly i dont even care abt going off anon it just bothers me bc my ROUTINE. the TRADITION. its just not the same. but i'll go off it just for u to show u some of my banger art. at a stage where im pretty frustrated at my limitations but that doesnt mean i cant recognize that im fucking awesome ok hold on again -H but yea ok to finish up what have u been up to! tempted to just ask what shows/game/etc uve been into but also i am exerting a little of my brain power to realize some ppls lives dont revolve around those. so just liek what have u been spending a lot of time doing. how is writing going! wait what r ur drawing skills just out of curiosity draw smth for me (if ur comfy ofc n dw i completely understand if it fuckin sucks taht was me just over a year ago) -H (when i was younger i used to think that ppl couldnt be good at writing n drawing they had to choose one. exerted my baby brain power to be like. it takes too long to get good at them u can only do one. then saw a book w the cover art credited to the author n i was like woahhh this is fuckin crazy living my younger selfs pipe dream)

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The way I have had a reminder on my phone to answer these asks for MONTHS but my executive function has been GARBAGE i am so sorry my friend it was not intentional to leave this sitting for so long i am so sorry!!! (also between the two of us this got Long so i am putting a read more so i don't take up a big block of people's dash in my return from the dead lol)

thank you for pronouns update! congrats on meds!! i gotta get me some of those so i can Detroit: Become Functional lol. I am rooting for you with your GPA!!! Also lol, love that we are following tradition of multiple asks still even with the tumblr updates letting asks be way longer now lol, it is just Familiar To Us

I will have to look into the ascendance trilogy!! My sibling is also obsessed with the raven cycle, but i have not read it yet (still debating if i want to or not, have been for YEARS lol, because i keep hearing "author problematic" and then never remember Why because i have Goldfish Memory). I will not post your off-anon ask with the artwork unless you want me to (want you to feel comfy on the blog and sending asks and I know you prefer anon!), but i will say that your art is AWESOME, my friend!! you are SO good and you're only going to keep getting better! I am glad you enjoy it!

Also bestie. This is a neurodivergent space lol, my life also revolves around shows/games/books/etc. they are the only thing that make the monotony of life and job-having under a neurotypical capitalistic society bearable lol. I actually have been getting back into reading ACTUAL BOOKS lately which feels GREAT (because reading Actual Books when i am so tired and Non-Functioning all the time is Hard lol), i am finally going through my seemingly-endless TBR and also have reread some old faves this year. Games-wise, the only thing i ever think about is still the Dragon Age games, Alistair is the love and light of my life lol. Show-wise.... i am in Limbo because of the Exhaustion, tragically, and also just waiting on new seasons (OFMD). Witcher has a new season out, but i have not watched it yet because Energy and also i have no motivation to because the last season they put out was so bad (even if i hear this one is good, i have lost trust lol)

Writing is. Not quite going lol. I have not finished a fanfic in ages, and also have made little to no progress on any of my original work attempts either, tragically. Hopefully things look up for me soon cuz I wanna get stuff DONE again lol, this blog has become so quiet and near obsolete because i cannot FINISH anything and it is TRAGIC.

Also, I have little-to-no drawing skills, but I also unfortunately do not have much energy to apply to drawing you a picture atm :(( maybe someday. Sometimes I can draw something that makes me go "omg i am not Awful, maybe I could actually put thoughts and energy into learning this as a skill" and other times it is like "i will never put pencil to paper (or stylus to screen) ever again" lol. Maybe someday when i am doing Better again i will hopefully have the energy to draw you something!!

[crystal-iceblossomxjackfrost4evr]

Tw manipulative Parental unit bullshit/my sociopathic tendencies towards said parental unit/ and small death stuff in the past/small mention of suicidal thoughts in thr past

So like i maybe go off like a villain here. Sending herw to send link to my megamind server buds. Uhm but yeaaa sorry if u didnt realize yet i can be quite crazy when it comes to real assholes like this guy. And i have no love whatsoever for child abusers /manipulators in anyway, shape, form or fashion.

Background: Only mental,emotional financial and phsyical type of abuse happened to me. Nothing rated M/E other then objectification for modeling. I have adhd and possibly many others including autism,anxiety, and recently thinking cptsd

Uh rant below

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:readmore:

||So like TELL ME WHY this mans asked me TWICE NOW trying to bribe me to vome home and take care of his dumb ass

He has no working arms and i feel b

Pity im not completely heartless but i also laugh my ever fucking ass off cuz its his own karma hitting him

Its been damn near 3 years (1.5-2 since his accident) and hes STILL TRYING TO MAKE ME COME BACK

BITCH I RAN AWAY WITH 8 SUITCASES AND NOTHING ELSE WHYYYYYY

WHYYYYY WOULD I COME BACK TO UR NARCISSITIC MANIPULATIVE ASSANINE BULLSHIT

UR BEING SWEET and adoraaable and all "ohhh i love u princess. I wish u back princess. Im cryinnnng princess. Ill pay u 3600 a month! Ill pay 4000! A month!"

NO

NO

NO

I COULD BE PAID 14 GODDAMN GRAND A MONTH UR A LIAR

U will absolutely become a hellish monster again once im back in ur clutcges and im honestly cackling like a sociopath

This fucker has made me go full sociopath anime villain ass tendrncies. 0ne wrong step and i couldve been goddamn loki or deadpool in the real world im not kidding!!

If i got STUCK in the pandemic with this HO one of us would e died

One of us wouldve died.

I mainly kept tellin the doctors to leave him alive cuz i felt bad. I knew hed want to. I need SOMEONE to take care of the house (im broke af) and i wanna get life insurance to get i dunno 1k, 10k, 50k, 100k SOMETHING out of him.

And hes useful in helping me with grocery and occasional actual money

Just SIGH sighh i do love him

.....Hah Ahahha

Okay i USE to love him. I just feel bad for the guy at this point. He lost his goddamn chance for me to love him when i had to cry my goddamn self to sleep every fucking night of highschool asking Whyyyy the fuck he and mama dont seem to care. Even after saying my suicidal tendencies. Even after so many instances of me being angry beyonf measure. So many instances of abusing me even after mama (gramma) died. Even to the point where i legit was feeling insane from LACK OF QLEEP CUZ HE WONT TURN DOWN THE STUPID BASS

I cant stannnnnnnnnnnd bass anymore. Any bass in a speaker in a neighbors house i cant deal with.

Ppl yelling at me i cant deal with.

I dont think i can legit EVER fully live on my own without someone to at the least help me take care of thr house, appointments, paperwork and signing up or filling out things and spiders (sever phobia tht he neverrr helped)

Im 90% sure all of my diagnosis are 10000 or more % worse if not outright caused by him besides my adhd and autism

And even after all tht.

Alll the crying. All the screaming silently. All the manipulation. And abuse until he fucked my head around sideways and inside out

HE STILL THINKS ID EVERRRRR WANT TO GO BACK

im on low contact for "wow your life sucks" ahahajaha reasons just cuz i call u a couple times a month or two and we get along on the phone (cuz i laid down the tule if he starts yelling imma hang the eff up and or he starts blaming me imma sob story him till he shuts up) does not mean i will ever EVER live with him again

And if i even EVER THINK ABT GOING BACK its because i miss my house and old life i can never have and if i ever reallly think abt going back to him. My bog brother. My roommate, my bonus mother and prolly both besties would slap me upside the head or knock me out or tie me down and ask what the ever loving fucks wrong with me!!!

Jeezus christ! "I thought ud at least think abt it!" I THOUGHT ABT it for 23 yeaaaaars before i managed to get away u crazy man

No!

And even if i did I CANT TAKE CARE OF PPL i get grossed out touchin the hair tht combs off when i comb my own head.

I get grossed out at taking care of my own body

I get grossed out or shut down at the littlest of things tht even miss or roomie go WHY ARE U HAVING TRBL. Becauseee of himmmm. He made damn sure i would have to rely on ppl for the rest of my life which sets me up poorly to everrrr take care of him. Id rven told mama someone else would have to take care of herr. Id hire and pay someone but I. CANT. DO. IT.

So boo hoo sad story feels bad man but u made sure id have these fucking problems and dig ur grave and i wanna just scream at him to just lie in it nowwwww but i still need him and need to make sure he wont eff me in selling thr house tht mama for some reason only gave me half of. And maybe bribe him to keep my stuff in storage till im stable with a job again Ugh ;*; ||

Tw manipulative Parental unit bullshit/my sociopathic tendencies towards said parental unit/ and small death stuff in the past/small mention of suicide thoughts in the past