#all the girls there were so cool though
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so jealous you got to see sabrina!!! love her and her music <3
it was so fucking exhausting considering it was like 30C° outside and we had been queuing since 10am and there were still 100 people in front of us which i NEVER expected :D and then we had to almost wait 2 1/2 hours inside pressed together like sardines with no water for sabrina to show up (the opening act was cool, but obviously everyone was waiting for sab!) legit thought i was gonna collapse a couple of times, but somehow i survived lmao some mishaps happened a long the way which caused my view to get a little worse but i still have good pics and vids i think and the others shared their vids in the groupchat with a little bit of a better view so i can enjoy them if i get sick of looking at mine (idk lol my camera quality sucks lately) it's not the same thing as having recorded the thing yourself but i guess it's still good enough!
i have to say in addition to this that this was the worst venue they couldve ever picked for her, it makes sense for smaller artists since you can't really compare her popularity in america with her popularity in germany but it's a fucking terrible venue especially in summer when it's burning hot out and inside
#answered#sorry this turned a little ranty#but ive never suffered this much at a concert lmao#all the girls there were so cool though#we got friendship bracelets like the ones at the eras tour#and color thingies for your flashlight for a specific song#but i dont think anyone actually ended up using it cause when i heard that she was playing THAT song everyones light around me was white an#not red lmao
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The Nobleman or 양반 (yangban): The smiling face represents the bluff and composure that an aristocrat is often known to have. The chin is a separate piece from the top of the mask, and the actors can lean forward and back to make the mask smile or frown as needed.
This monk who abandons his doctrines, or 취발이 (chwibari): Chwibari was originally a monk, but he had no intention of joining the monastic order, so he came down to the world and wanders. Represented with a forehead full of wrinkles and spots.
The widow or, 부네 (Punae/bune): represented to be a widow, or a kisaeng ( a woman who sang, danced, or played an instrument to provide entertainment for company at a drinking party), or a mistress of the Yangban. She has a very small mouth, round cheeks and forehead- giving a general look of happiness good-humor.
#skz#stray kids#skzedit#bystay#obligatory i am no expert take it with a grain of salt blah blah#theres no changbin bc you cant see the mask clearly and no hyunjin because as best I can figure his mask is a General/high ranking official#but most of those are modern productions and dont have any real descriptions or anything.#these plays were made to mock the upper classes so the nobleman is p much always treated like a fool or bastard lol#also these all change depending on the location- so like the chwibari is usually a negative portrayal of a monk who drinks and parties#and isnt very... monk-ly lets say- but then theres a story where he saves his lover from a lecherous monk and they get married so 🤷♀️#he wasnt a monk that iteration though or he abandoned his studies ?#and then the widow/concubine varies from sympathetic young widow to a kinda femme fatale who seduces the nobleman/scholars#Will any of this play into the concept? probably not. they dont really commit to concepts lbr#but still! it was interesting to look into and the masks are pretty to boot so this was fun :)#it'd be cool if they did a mask dance. i always loved thunderous for the traditional elements so i hope that happens#also YEAH a korean seungmin girl saying she was sad the foreign fans wouldnt get the significance bc she wants to see 'secondary art'#did inspire this (of course i'd wanna know why he was the only one given a womans mask dont act surprised)#bc im pretty sure i know what she means by secondary art and LMAO#i see right through you.... and into myself maybe#long post
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the VAST MAJORITY of teenage girls are actually very nice and doing their best and even when they ARE mean, it's typically because of the stress of going through an incredibly transformational developmental period while having 6833487 responsibilities and no basic human rights. like now that i'm nearing 30 i have a great deal more love and understanding about this than i did as a kid, you will Never catch me dragging/demonizing teen girls for buying into harmful tiktok and instagram trends or whatever. They Are Doing Their Best .
with that said.
it WAS pretty funny going thru adolescence in the late aughts / early 10s when the most mainstream teen music was demi lovato's "who says i can't wear my converse with my dress" stuff.
because EVERY girl who was ever mean to me LOVED that "i'm a brave trendsetting individual who can Be Myself even if other people Don't Understand Me" pop music....
....while also being like "oh, that girl is CREEPY. don't you know she listens to METAL. and is UGLY. and doesn't TRY TO LOOK PRETTY. and is WEIRD. and UGLY. and SHE LISTENS TO METAL...."
#teen politics are so funny in retrospect. of all the shit that doesnt matter at all this was PEAK shit that didnt matter at all#13-year-old metalheads who dont wear makeup are so brave. spread the word.#the linkin park post made me think of this.#now to be clear: i was NOT the only metalhead at school. there were MANY very cool alt girls mostly from the trailer park who i was like.#desperately in love with. and remain desperately fond of to this day.#none of them were ever mean to me though. meanness was exclusively reserved for demi lovato and justin bieber fans#again nothing against these fans. 80% of girls at school listened to these artists bc thats what being a pop musician is#and MOST OF THEM WERE NOT MEAN AT ALL. but FISJDJDBDHBFB. GOD.
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Solas and Mythal’s relationship is that perfect blend of fucked up and tragic I have been wanting from them for a decade. The mother and her child, the two lovers, a queen and a general, the dog and its master, the servant and the lord. Love it. I knew I sensed fuckery with the way solas talked about her despite ‘burning her off his face’. Then to see him shrinking up in front of her, how he groaned ‘mythal’ in dread and even began to hold the dagger out towards her to take bc he knows he’ll do anything for her if she asks. man needs therapy for his absolutely disastrous and problematic situationship thank you for letting me watch your traumas unfold like that king
#dragon age#if anything i wish they'd made it MORE fucked up!!!#it's honestly wild to me that they even left it as vaguely fucked up as they did considering how much they sanitized the game#also my love to hate her isn't even entirely from solas its bc i romance morrigan lol#in case the mythal defenders get on my case about calling her The Worst Best Person#it is The Abusive Mother in her that will keep her on the list#im a solavellan who is like WOO MYTHAL unhand him shebeast!!! but also go girl traumatize everyone you love#i know you're all sorts of fucked up as you became retribution. i wish we could have seen you as a proper goddess#because you're power hungry and unhinged with a need for vengeance despite the alleged motherly kindness#she has always been my favorite character to hate but also love she's so complicated#unfortunately her design is mid AF!!!!! in veilguard but she's so cool. i know you were supposed to be cool babe#i love that she's so unapologetic and bc of it you swing big hammers at her as a dwarf#'oh but she loves modern elves' ??? where??? the ones wearing her slave markings? crazy. love her though#personally i think modern elves and solas and morrigan and every dwarf that has ever existed#should hit her her with sticks until she moves on to a new host#prawn posts
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hc for Katsuki's sidekicks:
two sidekicks who are UA 3rd years/just graduated and they're both girls and very competitive rivals who are very serious in their job and they both grew up admiring Katsuki's skills, passion and spirit when he's fighting so they want to surpass him (that's why he accepted them). But they don't really like each other and get annoying sometimes because they fight and argue a lotttt, like imagine they're in a mission and are arguing through the comms and Katsuki is so annoyed and face palming telling them to "FOCUS IDIOTS" but he secretly smiles because it reminds him of his rivalry with deku when they were young.
They also spent their 1st and 2nd year internships with Katsuki and he trained them soooo hard because he sees boys and girls equally and also saw so much potential in those two. that made them so happy (I'm assuming their society is still misogynist like it was during the sport festival)
#Katsuki being a hero dad and mentoring the girls#They're going to be a great team#Those two have strong quirks and no one else has ever let them to exceed their limits except Katsuki#Because now “everything is peaceful and heros won't be needed” but my hc is Katsuki is one of the few ppl who never believed it#Omg maybe i write more about these ocs and make some personalities for them#Katsuki Bakugou#Bakugo Katsuki#Katsuki Bakugo#Bakugo#Katsuki#mha oc#Bakugou Katsuki#Mha#Bnha#My hero academia#mha headcanons#my hcs#mha hcs#Basically all interns or side kicks before them were snowflakes and cried each time he was harsh on their training except these two#I need to give them some back stories I already have some ideas hahaha#And no they are NOT childhood friends or even in the same class but one of them is in A the other one in B but they're rivals#They saw the war in childhood and since then Katsuki is like their idol because he saved all might even though he was in a terrible physica#Conditions and won against afo while he was so damn cool and having a grin#Omg imagine when they were still in their school would fight and say ranking system is shit and dynamight deserves better#But when they are sidekicks years later it's not fan/idol relationship anymore they would be true team workers but still are kinda fans yk
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thinking about book loumand
#sighs loudly#they were so cute#then again though im obsessed with how lestat describes armand in iwtv#tvl*#like in iwtv louis' like hes got cool eyes ig lol...#and then in tvl lestats like HES THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL IVE EVER SEEN HERE ARE ALL OF HIS MICROEXPRESSIONS WRITTEN IN DETAIL#lmao#POINT IS#i love armand#iwtv#interview with the vampire#loumand#book loumand#louis x armand#armand iwtv#louis iwtv#louis de pointe du lac
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scrolled a little too far back on mogetwt and found pure gold:
#i miss mitsumona… i love asumona y e s but mitsumona~~~~~~~~~~~~~~#‘where were you when this part of idol sengen was being serialised?’ trapped outside due to regionlock s o b s#man… looking at idol sengen on piccoma again like. gosh. 7.9 million hearts/likes so trueeeee#which do you think we’ll get first: mitsuki mv (a la gijirenai) or idol sengen s2?#the crumbs we get of her in mona mvs isnt enoughhhhhhhh aaaaa#even a 1 image mv would do!!! just give us a tiny bit more of her plsssss#i wanna know what made mona such a huge fan of hers~~~~~~~#though. the way mona specifies that she only likes girl idols will forever be funny to me#she really can’t care less about lxl huh… so true of her tbh#girl idols are a m a z i n g (<-weakling who tears up while watching love live live recordings)#like. man. props to the casting directors or sth bc. m a n their stage presence is unreal for idol vas#like waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa if you told me the vas were idols themselves id believe you#rkk was so cute. and aik.yan was super cool (esp during her solo) a n d ain.ya was both cute and cool and!!!!!!!!!#but um!!!! i digress!!!! anyways stan girl idols (esp mona) lxl w h o—#i think i’ll forever be envious of those who’ll be able to watch nan.su’s mona oneman live though… no foreigners allowed (how sad)…#though y’all should def check out some of nan.su’s other songs!! her powerful songs are so cool (imo)…#but i think she’s actually really good at singing songs with cheering/chanting portions lmfaooo the monachan lives on#i think hw should give mona more cool-ish songs though… let nan.su show off her range!!!#though. while im on the topic. i think sena should have cool songs too. narumi sisters cool song p l s s s s s#(bc my hot take over here is that hw doesn’t let their vas show off their full range *c o u g h s* i m e a n—)#what am i even on anymore h e l p started on mitsumona ended up in narumi sisters cool song desires…#anyways!!!! stream silent sword (both the og by ama.miya sora and the cover by nan.su) that’s all goodbye
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2023 reads // twitter thread
To Shape A Dragon’s Breath
YA fantasy
a young Indigenous girl finds & bonds with a dragon hatchling - the first time in many generations for her people - and is required to go to the coloniser’s dragon academy in their mainland city, to learn how to raise her dragon and the science of its magic
historical inspired setting on the cusp of industrial revolution with steampunk vibes
bi polyamorous MC, Black lesbian SC, nonverbal autistic SC
#To Shape A Dragon’s Breath#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#this is really really good i loved it!#the chapter titles are all like snippets of a story. or like sentence fragments that match up. which is cool#it is definitely more about being indigenous in a coloniser institution than Dragon School - not Super dragon heavy if you want that#I suspect the subsequent books will get into that when she gets big enough to ride and stuff#t’s also def YA! i’ve seen a few ppl assume it’s adult and be like its very young :( but like. I mean its perfectly reasonable for a 15yo m#definitely a Lot of racism and colonialism which is not fun to read! though it's still through a YA lens. there was def a part of me that#was imagining consequences of the narrative as if it were an adult novel#on that line of thought - at the end a lot of it is kind of solved by them going to the king and he's is like. oh no racism is happening?#that's bad i'll deal with those people! which felt like. a little simplistic. but maybe the easiest way to end the narrative for book 1 -#I don't think the author ACTUALLY is going to portray the king as a Good Guy throughout the series - it just felt conveniently like -#a simple YA solution to some very big and complex elements? if that makes sense? (but again - it is YA so it's allowed I suppose!)#some of the worldbuilding (like all the science learning) is probably setup for next books - we don’t really see any practical application#the romances are also subtle and not Overbearing In Book One which i like - leave some space for the series!#also her getting fanmail from a 10yo mixed race girl who looks up to her 🥺#anyway. i really loved it!#oh also it reminded me a little of leviathan. i guess just the steampunk/time period/european culture....#To Shape A Dragon's Breath
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I love that I can tell my girlfriend all the people I think are cute and instead of getting jealous or suspicious, she enthusiastically agrees with me lol
Me: "wow there were so many cute girls in Costco today"
Gf: "so true. That girl you complimented on her outfit? I'd wear that"
Me: "and you'd look adorable 😌"
#aroace + pansexual = respectfully admiring the cute girls together#all the guys were mid today though. as per usual#oo i have actually seen a cute guy at costco before though#he looked like a viking and it was so cool. he had this magnificent beard with jewelry in it and a bunch of rings on his hands#anyway. admiring them all in a platonic way#for drawing purpose perhaps...
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“She had no magic to wield, save for the keen eyes of the goddess at her shoulder and an uncanny ability to remain unnoticed, to play into expectations.”
#Chapter 23#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Lorcan Salvaterre#Elide Lochan#Elorcan#no spoilers please first read to read along with me#more notes quotes annotations & reacts in the tags spoilers for the chapter & book in post & tags of course pt 2 of 4 perspectives#Lorcan had never felt the weight of the hours so heavily upon him-I FEEL IT 2poor Rowan must feel this 247HURRY where’s Elide?hold on Aelin!#And to send Elide into Maeve's clutches--it had taken all of his will to let her walk away.😭#If Elide was captured if she was found out he wouldn't hear of it know of it. — you’d know cause she’s your mate idiot (I love you idiot#without proving their worth they could still visit--briefly. — ugh Maeve why does everything about you suck so much#If she emerged. — COME ON ELIDE — I CANT HANDLE ANOTHER CAIRN-NAPPING#the Prince of the North and the Lion the protector and the ever impatient in love idiot we all love Lorcan#He knew some of them. Had commanded them. Were they now his enemy? — they are all having some inner morality battles#What manner of birds? Raptors mostly — none from the House of Whitethorn — they fought for him on the other borders… for her🥹😭them#why so many guards if no Aelin hmm???? SHES HERE GUYS#though Gavriel kept glancing to the tattoos inked on his hands. How many more lives would he need to add before they were through?#Aelin had been trained to endure torture. Elide... He could see those scars on her from the shackles. — how about we save them both?😭🖤#She had endured too much suffering and terror already. He couldn't allow her to face another heartbeat of it--#Rowan and his random hatchet now😅😂 it’s giving my wife is gone unhinged in the woods with the bros might become a horror movie vibes#But then a two-note whistle echoed and Lorcan's legs wobbled so violently he sat back onto the rock where he'd been perched-OH MY ELORCAN😭🖤#also Lorcan… perched??? isn’t that bird boy Rowan’s thing?😅😂🤣#her cheeks rosy in the cool night air. — cheeks pink in the twinkling lights tell me bout the first time you saw me (shipping in insanity)#She was fine. She was unhurt. There was no enemy on her tail. Elide's eyes met his. Wary and uncertain. I met someone.#THANK GOD — but also wait WHAT-when?WHO?HOW?#also this quote posted is like one of the reasons I love Elide#another grand Maasverse enterance is on its way?#the fact the opening line shows that being sold out to Maeve is the same as death — OH GET TO AELIN ALREADY PLEASE#no more tattoos guys — what’s with Maeve’s wolves — isn’t dark haired beauty what Elide called the girl in the caravan so maybe it’s her
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how it started:
how it's going:
#jitxt#my stuff#proud owner of This Specific Photo of Kimura Takuya#not to conflate the two bc my enjoyment of yagami and kimutaku are connected but separate#but obviously it would be bs to pretend i would've been interested in smap without playing judgment#truthfully i was eyeing a magazine too but i don't like investing money/shelf space into an interest unless i'm certain it's here to stay#unfortunately kimura takuya is still only a recent interest so. something small like this is fine#though i might have to get a bromide holder to keep him safe... i know there's an aus run business that sells idol goods like that...#anyway uhhhh first picture context for those who might've missed my lore earlier:#is that post-JE pre-LJ. i didn't really care for yagami. lmao.#i saw yagami fans and it seemed like they were having fun but i genuinely didn't understand their affection for him#and so getting through LJ and starting to like yagami i was like WHAT IS GOING ON WITH ME#thinking “lol look at his lame flat ass (affectionate)” and then going “WHAT. WHAT WAS THAT.”#<- girl who realised that she sounded exactly like the yagami fans online#and so i wrestled with it for a while#and bc i was talking in my friend's discord server about my experience with LJ i have this golden screenshot#of the day i finally gave in. pretty sure i'd been looking at pictures of yagami and kimutaku for like an hour beforehand lol#AND MY MESSAGES AFTERWARDS WERE STILL DRIPPING WITH COPE ABOUT IT#said something along the lines of. that i thought they tried way too hard to make yagami seem cool#and then followed it by saying i felt genuinely upset thinking about how i could never be on a date with him#THE DENIAL IS CRAZY... JUST SAY YOU LIKE HIM#anyway i've long accepted my fate but it's still funny to think about#jichan is asked to leave the fandom for needing to play 2 games to start liking yagami#meanwhile my sister's opinion on him hasn't changed at all. “he's alright” <- real quote about yagami from days ago#anyhow that's one of the main reasons i'm playing JE. so i can reevaluate that game with fresh eyes/new perspective#excuse my impromptu storytime. but i guess this whole post is about landmark moments in Jichan Liking Yagami so it's not entirely unfitting#i like yagami takayuki 👍 and now i like kimura takuya too 👍#gave this photo a goodnight kiss last night btw
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something about finding the people who sit through your info dumps with joy on their face and enthusiasm for your passions. something about finding the people who info dump right back at you because they know you love hearing about their passions. something about finding the people who manage to sum up your being in one niche, oddly specific sentence that lives in your mind rent free for the rest of time. something about finding the people who not only accept you for who you are but embrace you for who you are. who not only tolerate your quirks and differences but love and cherish them.
#i’m in my feels today if you couldn’t tell#just thinking about one friend in particular who i don’t get to see in person nearly enough but i text all the time#idk it’s the little things#the way we send each other videos of ourselves explaining whatever we’re learning about right now#the way we don’t write it in a long message because the emotion and vibes don’t translate properly#the way he’s told me that the way i dress is so gender nonconforming in his eyes#how even though i’m afab and i wear glittery makeup and crop tops and have pink hair#i still look so queer and so gnc and so Not Girl in his eyes#how that felt so validating#how i could feel the genuine love in his words#how he told me once that i’m ‘not a person with lore but rather a person with a schtick’#and how he explained to me what my schtick was and how accurate it was#how he told me he can’t wait for me to get my degree(s) and be an openly queer person in stem#how he can’t wait for me to defend my thesis sometime in the future and be wearing the brightest makeup and the biggest earrings#and the tallest boots#how he loves that i go to my chem lab every week with glitter on my eyes#how it’s cool that i don’t care if i stick out like a sore thumb because i’m me#i remember how he dropped the she/her pronouns immediately upon ne saying i didn’t really vibe with them#(even when they were still technically on my list of ‘ok to use pronouns’)#how his boyfriend who i don’t know very well has always they/them-ed me because my friend does#and if my friend is doing it then it must be the right thing#idk i just love my friends#and this friend in particular is someone i’ve gotten really close with over the past 6 months or so#and i’m so glad to have him in my life#platonic love#friendship#tell your friends you love them
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:O
#Wow. Mr Ayatsuji was right#I think it's the first chapter in the entirety of bsd that ever had me go “oh” and “wow” out loud#This is so cool. I mean not much to see yet but these were all such cool plot twists#For a moment I really feared Dostoyevsky had taken over Gogol? I'm a little glad that wasn't the case poor Gogol#I suppose Bram is now like‚ dead-dead? I'm sorry. Not overly sorry but still sorry. I liked him.#Today I took lunch with a friend and she's a big jj/k fan and was talking about how everyone dies and I was like#“lmao. No one in bsd ever dies. ever”#How to be proved wrong in the span of 2 hours pfftttttt#Anyways I'm SO SO SO SO SO ////////////SO//////////// GLAD THE ACTION IS BACK AT THE AIRPORT. Ss/kk for pride month 2024 I can FEEL it#I think... Maybe? The new mega three sided singularity will create a new ability-entity. It makes sense doesn't it?#Something so powerful to create a new being. Spawning from Fukuchi's body. The dude from the season 5 finale#You know. You saw the similarities with Fukuchi. Yeah It makes sense#Next chapter is going to introduce them then show everyone at loss and desperation–#and then in the last page Akutagawa's grand entrance as being alive#I'm not even joking btw. It sounds reasonable enough. Akutagawa kinda has a thing with last pages entrances#Gotta explain the new outfit though. Something something and magical girl tranformations#Anywayssssssss good chapter. Hope the next one is going to be even better <3 (sskk 🙏) (sskk 🙏) (sskk 🙏) (sskk 🙏) (sskk 🙏) (sskk 🙏)#random rambles
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Ep 5!!!
#Episodes that make me go “The author has never talked with a woman ever” 😓😓😓#I don't like how Lucy's character is handled at all. And I feel like I can't talk about it because I'm just going to sound like a bitter–#ss/kk shipper... But I really don't like it. And if it can help my case I'm a multishipper so I really don't take any–#issues with atsu/lucy I like the ship quite a lot actually.#So you're telling me there's this girl... Who meets this boy who pretty much ruined her life by directly causing her to lose her job...#And the next time she sees him she's going to sacrifice her own freedom for him as well as tell him “when you're done doing your things–#come and save me” (longest ewwww ever)... And when she regains freedom (author didn't bother to explain how because they don't care)–#she goes to work... As a waitress at the café beneath his workplace. So he can keep doing his Cool Superpowers Job while she literally–#must serve him every time he visits the place. It's just ?????????????????????????????????#Look‚ I don't dislike Lucy and I feel general affection towards her. It's just that they make her act like no one ever would#Just for the sake of the plot I guess#And like I knoww it's (probably just a little) more nuanced than that. I know Lucy is living her own fairy tale fantasy.#It's just that what I've said about her story is still true‚ you know?#I'm sorry but as sweet as atsu/lucy can be. I really hate the author for making Lucy a waitress. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.#It's so weird. This anime has women writing standards that feel like dating back to the 20s#Same with Katai and the ideal woman tbh. Like why are women to be seen as this abstract impersonal entities? Why can't they just be people?#Ideal for WHO. It's like super screwed up of a concept. What even is an ideal woman? What does it mean to be a woman anyways?#They just want to say “ideal wife”. But women aren't made to be wives their existence isn't functional to another person.#Sorry. I derail. Next episode is going to be even worse on this front ughhhh#Back to the episode: once again it really shows they were running out of budget with this season‚‚‚ the animation looks very suffered#Too many flashback also... I feel bad for the animators tbh#I don't really like the shift in art style :( Not even Atsushi I found particularly pretty this episode my heart cries#The nail pulling thing made me feel like throwing up afhsjyabfsbfwasfvb I feel like I can bear worse gore but there's a couple of little–#specific things I can't stand and this seems to be one of them pffftttt#I like Higuchi I think she's both very funny and cool. I really wish she was explored more (but then again looking at Teruko... )#The relationship between Kunikida and Katai looks so interesting even though we only get glimpses of it. Kunikida regrets Katai leaving–#the ada but is also happy for him but also worries for him. He comes to his house seemingly to check on him and starts cleaning around.#The way he loves him and cherishes their friendship and shared history is really evident and it makes for a compelling dynamic.#Perhaps I should read their short story... In any case. Going to someone's house and compulsively start doing the dishes half out of will–#to help out half because he can't bear the mess sounds a lot like something I'd do lol
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I think the funny thing about my being a youth leader is that I basically just Hang Out with a bunch of middle schoolers. like I just pal around with them and play games and then sit down and ramble at the youth pastor when it's time to discuss the Biblical topic of the night and somehow this has charmed like half a dozen of them into considering me A Cool Person despite the fact that I'm actually Introverted And Awkward at all times
#actually part of my goal in youth leadership is to show that like... you don't HAVE to be all together and chill#like when I was in youth group (briefly bc I was only in a location where it was an option for like 6 months tbh)#all the youth leaders — especially the female ones — seemed so Cool and Calm and Put Together ALL THE TIME#and it made me (frumpy and 16 and trying so hard to make friends) feel REALLY inadequate and insecure#and like I still have to work through the insecurity that caused in me!! bc the girls a few years older than me#who were youth leaders all seemed so CALM and RESPECTABLE and MATURE#and I STILL don't act like that! and I'm certainly not cool and calm and put together skskfndksnf#so I just want to like... not hide my awkwardness too much with these kids. not try to project Coolness or Looking Put Together#because I want them to see that like... they're fine just how they are? I want to be an example of what it looks like#when you're NOT the naturally calm and organized kind of person! when you're Awkward and Loud and Goofy and Hyper sometimes#because if you're following God then that stuff really doesn't matter. He made us a certain way and that's fine#idk. I think about this every so often again though akdkdkfnsk#Lu rambles
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Someone's tiny child drew a Something and they put it in their box saying the kid drew it for me. Which is cute, I guess. My mom did stuff like this when I was a small child who was obsessed with the arrival of mail. It's in the route's case to be immortalized forever.
Now to figure out how to read the drawing so I can find what I assume is treasure beyond my wildest imagination.
#girl if this isn't a treasure map i don't know what is#Lucas knows something i don't know. but he's three so he can't tell me in words.#i just have to interpret the drawing. somehow. at least it's color coded. that helps.#the back of the page says something about how he asks where the mail is every day#she wrote that he watches for my truck but they're in the woods so i know they can't see me approach#maybe she meant he listens for the truck. it's definitely loud enough to hear from a ways away.#whatever the case. little guy tried.#i always keep drawings from kids. even though i don't like kids. there's just something raw about what they draw.#no talent. no knowledge of fundamentals. but also no fear of being cringe or failing. just vibes.#i have so many things my brother and sister drew as little littles in a drawer with my art stuff and my sister wants me to toss it all#like. no dude. you drew a 'flower' when you were 4 and I'll have it until that paper crumbles to dust.#it's from a time before you could do anything to show you appreciate the people in your life in the same way you can now#a time when a shitty drawing was the best way to say 'hey. we're cool. i appreciate your presence'#i have one from my brother from when i broke up with my hogh school boyfriend that's a transformer (i think?)#and it says - in kid spelling - i hope you aren't so sad soon#like. he was 5 or 6 when he made that. guy didn't know what i was going through. he just wanted me to feel better.#something something humans find a way to communicate with one another despite language barriers and shit
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