#the way he’s told me that the way i dress is so gender nonconforming in his eyes

[queer-reader-07]

something about finding the people who sit through your info dumps with joy on their face and enthusiasm for your passions. something about finding the people who info dump right back at you because they know you love hearing about their passions. something about finding the people who manage to sum up your being in one niche, oddly specific sentence that lives in your mind rent free for the rest of time. something about finding the people who not only accept you for who you are but embrace you for who you are. who not only tolerate your quirks and differences but love and cherish them.

[angelsstranger]

not to bitch and moan but today i (he/him tme transsexual dyke) remember my transmasc roommate of days past and the time he saw me wearing a skirt and said “if i dressed like that I would want to kill myself”

always sort of insinuating that a “real” trans person couldn’t be gender nonconforming..

and eventually of course devolving into the “trans women actually have more privilege than me somehow and i feel threatened by them” which turned into “in the future i dont want to live with AMABs again” yes that second one is a direct quote there was so much more to the convo it ended our friendship quite abruptly and messily.

but my point being transmascs using their own dysphoria and their bigotry they inherited from their family as a weapon against trans women is soo much more common than you think it is. this person was supposedly a leftist and was friends with/trying to date many trans women at the time. it unsettled me how he would imply he found these women untrustworthy at the time but also he approached specifically trans women again and again looking for their patience nurturing and support even asking them for money and favors. before again pivoting and returning to the i think shes a bit TOO into me and its creeping me out.

my takeaway was basically it is your responsibility to tell trans women if they are seeing or hanging out with someone who says terfy shit behind their back. protect your community to make sure nobody has to experience that type of violence (to be clear the violence im referring to here is: someone trans or cis who wants to date/sleep with trans women but continues to imply trans women are dangerous or untrustworthy, eventually discarding each woman they bring into their life for vague reasons which all stem back to transmisogyny)

i was so distracted by how every time i tried to discuss with HIM the harm he caused he would break down cryinf about how fragile he is and all the trauma in his life and i was hesitant to let my friends know the transphobic things he said about them because i thought it would hurt them a lot (ignorant on my behalf. once i finally told my friends i realized i should have warned EVERYONE the very first time i saw this behavior) i didn’t want to seem like i was shit talking him or being rude to the women he was seeing but by the end of our friendship that was one of my greatest regrets. I personally try to honor this mistake by fucking never letting something like this slide ever again and being a reliable friend to the trans women in my life by telling them honestly if i don’t trust someone i see them associating with. that type of passivity in our communities is something that also puts trans women at risk.

since coming back to tumblr ive seen a lot of transmascs harrasing trans women here and the sense of entitlement and the need to frame trans women as a threat to your individual comfort and safety is incredibly harmful and selfish. it reminds me of that shit i watched going down two years ago with my room mate and i really don’t like seeing terf ideology spread by other trans people. check yourself and imo leave trans women the fuck alone if you are still unlearning that shit. stop inviting trans women on dates and hangouts if behind their backs youre insinuating they are untrustworthy or violent in some way. that is so evil ok send post

[degenderates]

one thing that's really funny to me about all the analysis and meta over the scene from the terror where fitzjames holds the dress up to his body during the carnival is that when a group of students asked david kajganich, the showrunner, about it, he, a gay man, told us explicitly that there's no underlying subtext about queerness in that scene...it was simply customary for men to dress up as women during silly carnivals like that as a type of comedic performance (and we can see the effects this has had on modern british conceptions of "men in dresses'' centuries later but i digress).

anyway that doesn't mean we can't do queer readings of that scene, especially in light of the intimacy and push and pull of fitzjames' relationship with crozier, but it is really funny that so much of the queer reading of this character centers around that stupid dress when it really was more about the fact that fitzjames felt he had to represent a more masculine picture during the carnival in light of the circumstances, to be strong for his men. then again, this is inherently dealing with ideas of gender, and therefore implicitly, sexuality. so even if kajganich meant nothing by it in a gender-nonconforming way, it still is read as such.

[robotslenderman]

It really just bugs me that gender, nowadays, is often just repackaged conservatism.

A tomboy or a butch aren't any less female because they don't believe in gender roles. It's just another way of expressing femininity. Same with cis dudes who like to shave their legs or paint their nails or wear dresses. You can wear a beard and a dress and still be as much of a man as that dude in the Yank Tank with testosterone poisoning and a shitton of misogynistic tattoos.

I get misgendered as nonbinary all the time. I have no idea how - the gender stereotype of enbies is androgyny, which I know is not true, but many people do and yet despite my lowkey and sometimes highkey femme appearance many people use "they" as my pronouns despite being told otherwise. The majority of my friends are trans not because they're my people, but because my cis+ ass is more comfortable around people who play with gender than those who don't. I am a gender expat; I am a guest in their space, but I will never be a native, and yet I'm more comfortable around them than the cis because the cis are so fucking obsessed with the binary and gender roles.

It doesn't help that when I changed my name I changed it to a gender neutral one. One of my friends pointedly made a remark that they were happy that I "get to experience gender euphoria in that way." When I told my psychiatrist about my name change he immediately jumped on the "closeted enby in denial" train that has been following me ever since; he made a long speech about gender fluidity and how I shouldn't take it personally that my family may struggle to adapt to the change. When I told him I was cis, he just smiled. My therapist still uses they/them pronouns for me despite being explicitly told not to. Never mind that I've been questioning my gender for well over a decade; it's hard not to when you're a gender expat and surrounded by people who question their gender all the time. never mind that the answer always is, and always shall remain, "still cis."

I'm not saying my poor widdle cis ass suffers the same oppression as trans folk. If that's what you take away from this you're not paying attention.

The truth is that my femininity is understated. Anonymous. It's never been a loud and in-your-face hot pink and barbie flavoured experience. Just because cis female is a single category doesn't mean that cis female is so rigidly defined. It's loud and in-your-face hot pink. It's Barbie. It's also oil and grime and cars, and loud and opinionated and argumentative, as much as soft and delicate and compliant. It's pink and frilly, but it's also blue and dirty. It's cis men in drag and cis women who have never worn a skirt in their life, and everything in between. It seems like I run into a lot of people for whom gender isn't an experience or lens or point of view, it's interest and fashion sense. Or someone's name. I'm seen as less of a woman for my chosen name and people tell me that's okay, not everyone is female! I just say, it's not okay because of that, it's okay because it's okay not to be your idea of what a woman is.

I met a man called Harriet* once. He wasn't any less a man. His wit was acerbic, and he always fronted comments on his name with sarcasm and "yeah, laugh now, get it out of your system." And yet he never changed it. He wasn't less a man for having a traditionally female name. I'm not any less a woman for having a nonbinary one. Just because male and female are opposites doesn't mean they should never touch for the cis.

I don't fit into the '50s box of "you're female, therefore you should wear a dress." Neither do I fit into the '20s box of "you wear a dress, so you must be female." The truth is that gender roles and expectations are just as baffling for people who are nonconforming as for people who are, and that we'll never be truly free of the gender binary as long as we adhere to it. And the truth is that even if you think you don't adhere to that binary, it's so ingrained in your subconscious and our society you almost certainly do. My friends who not-so-secretly think I'm a closeted enby in denial are as much adhering to it as some idiot who thinks my vagina means I should wear a dress and poo out babies.

Being nonbinary is a spectrum. But so is being male or female. You'll never break out of a black or white binary until you realise that it doesn't exist - not even for cis people. We can't truly break out of the binary until we realise that it doesn't exist for ANYONE.

You either believe in the gender binary or you don't. And if you believe that cis people have certain experiences or present in certain ways, if you believe that binary trans people adhere to those same standards, you believe in the gender binary. No matter what you say. You can claim until you're blue in the face that you don't believe in the binary, but if you're shoving other people in the box of what binary means, you are lying.

(* Not his real name - he's a patient and I'm adhering to patient privacy laws. But he definitely had a "female" name that isn't even ambiguously gender neutral. I'm not even talking Meredith or Tracy, names which used to be gender neutral but are female. I've never once in my life met another male "Harriet" despite meeting dozens of strangers every day.)

[rubberduckyrye]

As the fandom's Gonta Expert and only one I trust, what are your thoughts on Gonta's canonical gender presentation?

As a nonbinary person, I found it incredibly relatable so its my HC!

Omg

First I was the Kokichi expert, and now, I'm the Gonta expert......... give me time and I'll be the Entire V3 Cast expert...........

Anyway!

As for Gonta and gender--I think that with how he behaves about like, needing to be a gentleman and all that, his family are rich bitches who live in higher society--ala why he stresses out about being a "gentleman" so much, and why he wears a very nice suit.

This comes into play with how he views gender, unfortunately.

I think that his family taints his views on gender, telling him ladies act a certain way and men act another way, how to behave around women vs men, ectect. I think though that his wild child background makes these gender aspects a bit foreign to him? Because wolves certainly don't really care much about gender. Like sure female wolves took care of their young but gender is just Not A Thing among animals, not really.

So I think once Gonta is free from his high-society family and able to be with his peers that help him come to terms with stuff, he's way more like "TF even is gender" and he just accepts whatever pronouns people give him. Even if they change pronouns he is fine with it.

His own gender expression is skewed too. I imagine that Gonta is forced to understand what clothes are meant for what gender by his family, but he himself doesn't really understand it. Clothes are clothes--he was probably naked for the majority of his life int he forest, lets be real, so he has probably 100% no shame about being nude in front of people. Now he's got to wear clothes, AND only certain ones? He's trying very hard to understand but he is confused.

I imagine he likes the softer feeling of certain fabrics, and he wouldn't be afraid to wear a dress. I imagine he likes long sleeved dresses, and very loose skirts on those dresses. Probably shorter skirts--not something really long that'll get in the way of his feet or legs. Boy wants to be FREE.

Anyway I imagine Gonta identifies as male simply because he was told he is male, but he honestly does NOT give a fuck about gender. Without his family's influence, you could call him she, he, they, xe, what ever! He really is like "Gender? What's that? Can you eat it?"

So very nonconforming and not very solid on identity. It's just, one of those things that is only hammered into his brain as important when he's back with his family, but not something he fully understands, because animals just do not have that kind of "society." Humans are VERY weird in that regard tbh!

So yeah. Those are my thoughts xD

[female-malice]

[There is no GNC gene. But there is internalized misogyny. You are not different from other women. The things you feel are the things most women feel. The older you get, the more women you meet, the more you'll realize that.]

I'm the original anon you wrote that response to btw, mentioning it since others already started responding.

i don't think anyone is born with a blank slate personality at all. the idea that it's only socialization that affects how you turn out was discredited a long time ago. there's too much human variety.

a gnc gene, in my eyes, would make you more sensitive to socialization from the opposite sex; explaining why there's tomboys and effeminate guys (is there a word for that?) who are being told off for behavior they can't control as toddlers and very young teens already. + it would make you more prone to certain behaviors over others. why would that even be strange?

things like clothes, or fashion, etc aren't related to that. you can dress every kid the same, and you'll still notice which ones act differently.

i don't know why you're trying to paint me as having all of these misogynistic views either. i never mentioned "shonen anime" or "hysterical and helpless." i've been with gender conforming women and i've never seen them in that way. i also never said i'm "better", nor am i insisting that i can't relate to other women.

and you didn't answer my question btw: why else did i grow up a tomboy then? why are some guys so incredibly effeminate as little children? why does this gay guy i used to be in middle school with "walk like a woman" when he was closeted and trying to make damn sure no one on the basketball team knew?

i've met plenty of women. i'm sure i'll meet even more as i grow older, but i highly doubt i'll suddenly find out that they were all secretly gender nonconforming or something. i don't get why it's wrong for there to be differences between all of us.

Infants do not have any inclinations whatsoever towards one gender role or another. Infants have years of arbitrary behavior that is perceived as gendered behavior by gender socialized adults. And then when infants become children, they become socialized as well. All gender socialization is about heterosexual courtship. Literally all of it. And that's why gay kids don't pick up on it. It's not because we're genetically masculine or genetically feminine. We're just not heterosexual. So we don't pay attention to heterosexual patterns the way heterosexual children do. Straight people are the ones who are more invested in gendered cultural expectations.

Also, read @toddstool reply:

"anon, gender roles are based on heterosexuality and male supremacy. kids pick up on adult behavior very quickly, and are also forced into socialization quickly. of course most homosexual child isn't going to conform to it perfectly because by their nature it doesn't make sense. a lesbian child doesn't want or need to be attractive and submissive to men. gay male children don't care about "strong masculinity" and dominating women." (x)

[dorkified-gay-skeleton]

Something about gender and life.

A vent by me.

I just feel so happy when I think about it. About being a man, a guy, a boy. Just—I get all these sparkles and bubbles in my chest and I tear up and-and it makes me so happy. So excited!!

In middle and early high school I wanted others to see me as this ultra fem hot girl, even though I didn’t dress or act or look like that. And it was because I needed others to see me as this girl I made up in my head because if they liked her and knew her then she would be real and I would like her too. On bad days it would just be if I was fuckable enough.

And I think about how when I was a kid, even though I liked dolls and my favorite color was pink, I still wanted to dress and play as a boy or as both a girl and a boy. And now when I look in the mirror and see my binded chest and short hair I smile!

And I like that I’m pretty like a girl but I don’t want to be a girl. And it’s like, there’s a word for that! Transmasc! I think? But like my favorite color is still pink. And I still like dresses and I wish I could like all that stuff without the fear of it being used against me. As like proof that I’ve been faking it even though I haven’t told anyone!

My dad kinda knows? I think he just thinks I’m cis but gender nonconforming? He makes jokes like ��oh everybody’s nonbinary these days!” But not in a mean way?? Like in a dad way where you can’t really tell if he’s joking or not but like he is?? He calls me his child instead of his daughter, which makes me very happy. But like I have not come out to him at all?? And my mom, I don’t think she has any real clue but she’s always said she’ll love me no matter what. They both do know that I hate my boobs, so. That probably gave something away?? But like they still think of me as their daughter and their little girl. But my whole family is undiagnosed neurodivergent, so?????

I’ve told my friends and my sister but I always water it down. I’m always telling them “oh I go by any, but you can still use she/her!” And I don’t mind she/her but I really prefer he/they or even just he/him. Because when everyone uses they/them for me it just feels like—like girl+ or a girl who’s “not like those other girls” and it makes me feel stupid!

And it’s my own fault because I let everyone think that. That I’m a girl or that I’m girl+ and it’s exhausting. I keep letting them because I’m ashamed! Ashamed that I couldn’t be that girl. That I wasn’t strong enough to just deal with it!

I never really came out to my friends. I just changed my pronouns in my insta bio and that was that. And I never brought it up or said anything. And they had to ask me for clarification, because they didn’t want to walk on eggs shells for misgendering me and it was weird because I would never get mad at someone who misgendered me? And they still walk on eggs shells and it sucks and it’s because I won’t open up about it!

Because what if even after I tell them. Tell them for real this time. What if I can’t make up excuses for them anymore? Anytime they misgender me or make a bad joke I can’t laugh it off anymore because they would know. They would know and I can’t pretend it’s because they don’t.

Because then I would have to confront all the ways they’ve been a bad friend over the years. All of it.

The way I pay for everything. The way I’m their therapist (since middle school). The way when I try and open up I can only do it for a few minutes before it’s back to them. The way I don’t want to love or have sex like them. They way I always have to make excuses for them. They way that I’m always the price keeper. They way none of them would have been friends if it wasn’t for me. They way they always find new ways to disappoint me. They way I always feel like I’m not preforming right with them. That each time they grow I have to keep up this crafted personality for them because they won’t like the real me.

Because I can only ever show them pieces of the real me. The parts they would like the best.

It’s my fault right? It has to be. It needs to be. It’s my fault because I love them. It’s my fault I can’t stand up for myself. It’s my fault when I can’t take my own advice. It’s my fault when I can’t do everything by my self. Because they sure as hell can’t do it. It’s my fault I let them use me and misgender me and talk about love and sex like we fucking feel the same about them. That I’m nothing but a liar.

I didn’t come out to my sister either. I bought a nonbinary pride flag and my friend ask why I wasn’t gonna wear it to the pride event we were going to, right in front of my sister. My sisters a lesbian, it was safe, it was fine. But I wasn’t ready. And then she asked too. The same way my friends did. She asked for my pronouns and I said the same thing I always say “uh they/them, but you can still use she/her! I go by any!”

It was a drag race. We went to a drag race. And I was so happy. Because even though I was with my sister and my friends, I didn’t feel alone with my gender. And I was excited in a way they weren’t.

They would all understand if I told them. Just…not in the way I want them too.

I moved. I moved on the other side of the country to live with my sister.

I don’t feel anxious when I leave my phone somewhere I can’t see it. I like the foods I hate. I feel okay being childish and silly. I like being able to walk to the library or the store. I don’t hate myself for waking up late (or not as much anyways.)

I like waking up and looking in the mirror, seeing my binded chest and short hair.

Not everything is perfect here. Just because I moved didn’t mean all of my problems with mental illness and identity magically went away.

But it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. That I don’t have to preform and juggle plates for all these people anymore. Just two. My sister and her girlfriend. And they don’t kid when I mess up or do something weird. Maybe because being clumsy and weird comes with being a little sister. But at least that role is easy. At least I can cry here, even over the simplest things. That I don’t always have to keep it together or look out for someone or worry about setting someone off.

I don’t know when or if I’ll ever stop being ashamed of who I am. But hope I can learn a little bit while I’m here. Because here it’s feel okay, just a little, it feels okay that I’m a boy and aroace. Like even if that’s wrong it’ll be okay.

[screechingsnail]

Remembering all the times when I was little and had experiences that point towards nothing other than I am in every way gender nonconforming and was always destined to be.

At the Guinness museum in Tennessee when we saw a 3D model of the lady with translucent skin from the Nirvana in utero album and I asked my dad what the white stuff in her chest was. He told me it was breast tissue and fat, and at 8 years old my first thought was "so I can just have it removed." I had never heard of trans people or top surgery before.

How upset I would get when people would refer to me as a cowgirl and not a cowboy. How angry I would get when people called me princess, or how embarrassed I felt when my mom referred to me as babydoll.

The countless times I fought as hard as I could to not have to wear a dress, and how much I hated the way I looked when did. And I always did.

Straight up wishing I was born a boy sometimes.

Always giving my mom shit for giving me a "boys name" even though I secretly loved it and would never change it to anything else.

The way I felt when someone wasn't paying close attention and mistook me for a boy, how happy it made me.

Always wishing I was on the boys side of gender segregated situations (games, photos, ect...)

Wanting a masculine haircut and planning on cutting off my hair in the garage one day, but I was never brave enough to follow through. My mom would have been more furious than I could handle

I know there are so many more but having repressed most of my childhood I don't really remember them. But sometimes I doubt myself and my identity and I wanted this list as a reminder that the only thing I am changing is how much of my true self I am being.

[gender0bender]

ID: a photograph of a white trans man in his 60 with squarish tinted glasses and short cut grey hair. He is wearing a blue denim jacket with a white t-shirt on underneath, and looking straight at the camera. ED.

Ben, 64, Northampton, MA, 2014 (Taken from To Survive On This Shore, Photographs and Interviews with Transgender and Gender Nonconforming Older Adults)

I identify as an FTM, non-hormone, non-op, transsexual heterosexual man. That’s the whole string of it. I was in the lesbian community when I was younger, but I never really fit. That was the 1970s and there really wasn’t the language then about transmen or FTMs or any of that. I didn’t have that accessible to me as an identity. I thought, “I’m the only one on the planet like me,” but then in 1985, Lou Sullivan sent his little booklet through the mail to the archives I was working on. It was “Information for the Female-to-male Crossdresser and Transsexual,” a little booklet that he self-published with a little handwritten note that said, “Maybe some people in your archive would want to read this.” Even though he didn’t know me, he didn’t know who he was sending this to, I read it. I read it and within two hours I called him and I said, “I gotta meet you, because now there’s two of us, you know, on the planet.” And I flew to San Francisco to meet him.

When I got there, I dressed up super masculine. I even wore temporary facial hair, because I wanted to demonstrate to him that I was a man. So, he opens the door and he is this little frail ninety-eight pound gay guy with a t-shirt on and I thought, “Well, he’s a man and he’s kinda like me, but he’s kinda not like me.” We ended up talking for five hours straight in his kitchen. In the middle of it, he told me he had to get up and take his AZT. I hadn’t known that he had HIV/AIDS, but I realized then that I was making the closest friend of my entire life, the most pivotal individual for me, and that I was losing him at the same time. We corresponded until he died and when he died, I started the East Coast FTM Group because I had nobody and he had asked me to head up his group in San Francisco, which I couldn’t do. 

I always felt some resistance to the fact that I didn’t transition medically, but over time I started to find transsexuals who had not transitioned medically, or who had transitioned partially and then stopped, like my friend Leslie Feinberg. Eventually I found more people with the idea that, “I’m already me, I don’t need any medical intervention to become me.” It took a ten-year journey with a gender counselor to give myself permission around this, because it is not popular, even in our community.  

I’ve done a lot of organizing, much of it pre-internet. I did it the way Lou did it at first, all by mail. I remember the first big conference I went to, a True Spirit Conference, and I think there were 300 guys, FTMs, from all over the country and Canada, and I remember thinking, “It’s starting. The movement for FTMs is really starting, big time.” Now I have a vision for making the Sexual Minorities Archives a national comprehensive LGBTQ educational resource center with a museum and an art gallery with many rooms to show the collections, to have a youth room, to have a meeting room, to have a community room, and to be the preeminent LGBTQ archive on the East Coast. That’s what I’m most looking forward to as I age and that’s what I want to accomplish before I die.  

[queer-reader-07]

whenever i'm feeling dysphoric from being misgendered by people who perceive me as a cis woman because of the way i dress i remember the time i woke up to 18 messages from one of my close friends where he told me all the ways i'm GNC and how he loves my gender presentation (unprompted, mind you. i'd just posted a selfie to my close friends story on instagram saying i felt very gender that day)

THIS MIGHT SOUND WEIRD BUT I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW THE [my name] "femme" perception JUST LOOKS MORE AND MORE GENDER NONCONFORMING TO ME

Pink and makeup is so easily identified as a feminine thing and yet

The way you present it is in this bold and unapologetic way

In a sense where, you present in this confident way wheres there is no question to the fact that you've thought about how you are perceived

And who you are to yourself and how your identity is perceived

I think it boils down to someone knowing who they are

And many times, when you're not part of the norm you think about who you are more. And it just...shows

i know in my heart of hearts that i don't align myself with femininity. that when i wear makeup & glitter & pink & crop tops it's not because i want to feel feminine, but rather that it's what feels the most Me. i don't feel like a woman when i wear pink eyeshadow and put a truly concerning amount of glitter on my face. i feel like a genderful human who's putting on a performance, because that's what gender is to me. a performance. getting dressed everyday and putting on makeup and picking out which earrings i'm gonna wear is all just part of deciding what kind of gender, what kind of person, i want to perform as that day.

and obviously i know that about myself. i know who i am and how i feel in the clothes i wear and the way i present myself.

but i also know that because i wear all those things, and i'm afab, im going to be perceived as a cis woman by most people i interact with. and it's just, nice i guess, to know that there are people in my life who see me for who i am.

it's nice to know that i have friends who genuinely do not look at me and see a woman. they look at me and see someone who is gnc and gender fucky. they see me for me.

it's nice knowing that i've got friends like this one, who send me messages telling me what is probably the most gender affirming shit i've ever read in my life. it's lovely, really.

[hollandsmushroom]

could i request a boyfriend!peter fic where reader comes out to him as bi and genderfluid, but they're so nervous to do so cos they havent told anyone else and he is rlly supportive? and helps them get new clothes and cut their hair? and its fluffy and hugs and stuff?

if u dont feel comfy writing this, its ok i totally understand :) i just love ur writing so much <3

Be True To Yourself || P.P.

Peter Parker x afab(previously using she/her pronouns)Genderfluid!Reader

Word Count: 1375(I am pretty sure this is my fave thing I have every written)

Warnings: Fluff, the pain of coming out, fear, anxiety, brief mentions of break up(in passing not with intent) and I swear to fucking god, if anyone comes in my inbox angry that I didn’t trigger tag this for lgbtq content i will scream so loud your ear drums burst. 

A/N: So I don’t really talk about this much on here but I am a mostly gender nonconforming They/she, I come from a very very lgbtg family, I am a safe place, I promise!

♡✩♡✩♡✩♡✩♡

It was something about yourself that caused turmoil, it turned in your stomach as you tried to grapple with who and what you are, you knew that there was nothing wrong with your feelings, how certain forms of gender expression didn't feel right at certain times. Your mind floods with anxious thoughts as you sit on Peter’s bed, waiting for him to get back from patrol, to finally share your true self with the person that you love. Your hands twisting around each other, ringing out in a corporeal demonstration of your gut wrenching worry. 

“Y/n?” Peter’s voice breaking through the metaphysical walls of your disquietude. Your eyes drawing upwards, trailing up the black webs of his red spandex, reaching his face in time to catch as his gloved hand tug at his mask, the eye lens blinking as he pulls off his face covering. The moment seems to soften as you glance at his hair, soft locks expanding from the confines of his secret identity. “What are you doing here?” His speaking again brought you back the reveries of your hands in his hair as you laugh giddily, his body holding yours tight to his as you ignore a movie you were supposed to be watching together. 

“Hi Petey” you smile at him, tenderness in your gaze as you pat the bed next to you, signalling for him to take a seat next to you, a silent queue that he followed with much complacity. “Um, I need to talk to you about something” your eyes ducking down, an action that made Peter’s heart stop, a nervousness spreading through him rapidly as he began to feel much as you did, off kilter, as if his world was tilting beneath him. 

“Y/n, you’re kinda of scaring me” he utters, reaching out for your hand only to find it already entangled, fingers linking with fingers in a never ending exhibition of unease. 

“It’s nothing to be scared of, Petey, well I might need to be scared but it's something, well it’s something about me that I need to tell you and I haven’t told anyone and- well, Peter I am scared, I am really fucking scared” you let a tear you didn’t know you had spill, letting it fall down your cheek as you contemplate your words, silently reeling through every option you have on how to voice your being and identity to the person you love with the possibility that it could change how he loves you. 

“My sweet, you know you can tell me anything” he assures, desperately trying to get a grip on the conversation. 

“Peter, I...I can’t be your girlfriend” you murmur, quickly realizing you had chosen your words wrong as you see him freeze out of the corner of your eye, his body going rigid as the beautiful dusted rose drains from his cheeks. 

“Wha-” he starts but you cut him off immediately. 

“I didn’t mean it like that, I want to be with you, I want to be yours but I can’t be your girlfriend because I-I’m not a girl, well I am sometimes and I can be your girlfriend at those times but I’m not that all the time, honestly I am whatever I feel like whenever I feel like it and well, I don’t just like boys, I like girls too, but not just girls and boys, I like everyone but not now obviously because I am with you and I would never ever do anything unfaithful to you no matter how many genders or orientations I am attracted to. Peter I can’t keep pretending to be something that I am not and I don’t want that to change us but I understand if it do-” you start giving him the spiel about how it was okay if he didn’t know how to be with you now that you have become fully yourself but his lips didn’t give you the chance, cutting you off before you could manage to put into words how easy it would be for him to leave when that was the last thing that he wants, no matter what your pronouns or who you found attractive because that didn’t change who he fell in love with, he fell in love with you, not how you expressed yourself, you, his partner, his love. Pulling away your eyes remain closed, processing the amount of emotional knowledge had been lifted from your shoulder, your chest still tightened with the love at the amount of lack lecher passion Peter had let flow into your lips. 

“Nothing could change the way I feel about you, Y/n, nothing in this world” he assures, lips still ghosting over yours as you finally manage to pry your eyes open to meet his chocolate honeyed gaze. “Is there anything that I can do to help you feel more comfortable in your own skin?” He was soft, so gentle a presence that you felt like warm milk on a cold night, he was calming your soul of your innermost turmoil. 

“I was,” you drop your eyes, examining Peter's fluttering pulse that beats at the juncture of his collar bones. “Well I was hoping to go shopping and get a haircut cause how I currently have my hair and how I currently dress doesn’t always make me feel the best” he watches you with an attentive adoration, wanting to learn how to best be your partner and ally while you learn and grow into being fully and comfortably you. “Sometimes I don’t mind it but sometimes isn’t always and in the times its not I feel like my own existence makes me itch” 

“Well we can’t have you being itchy” Peter squeezes your hips softly, tugging you closer to him as you fall back on the bed. “So I guess we shall have to go to the mall this weekend, get you a haircut, some new clothes, sound like a plan?” Peter offers and you smile unabashedly.

“The best plan” you nod sleepily into his chest, forehead grazing the emblem on his suit as you let your eyes fall shut, absolutely exhausted from the emotional strain of baring your soul to the person you love most with a possibility of getting it spat back at you, but Peter would never, he loved you more than he could understand, more than he cared to, not wanting to taint the complexities of his adoration for you with the binary idea that he could ever understand something so powerful and all encompassing. 

---------------

You stood in front of a rack of t-shirts, hangers dawned with fun patterned graphic tees as you, searching for something new to complete your style, something that felt more true to you when you didn’t feel like wearing any of the clothes that you already owned, something that would go along well with the way your hair was now styled. Peter was not standing with you, having wandered off minutes before to go find something that he thought you would enjoy. The feeling of someone near you making you turn to face where the sensation was coming from, your eyes finding your grinning boyfriend. I

"I have an idea!" Peter smiles excitedly, bouncing on the balls of his feet as he fiddles with a pack of bracelets in his hand. "So um, I was thinking we could assign each bracelet pronouns so I know which ones to use when to use which pronoun" you felt like you were glowing, fully understood for the first time in your life and there is nothing more valuable than that, than feeling totally and completely seen and accepted for who and what you were. Tears flood your eyes without your consent as you smile stupidly back at Peter whose face was falling, hand reaching out to cup your cheek. "Baby, did I say something wrong?" you shook your head, nuzzling deeper into his palm.

"No, no Petey, I just feel good in my own skin for once in my life" you blubber.

"I just want my partner to be happy" his thumb brushes over your orbital bone, wiping away a fallen tear. "Because I love them with everything I have”

“I love you too Petey, so much”

let me know what you thought

♡Taglist♡

@iluvdeja @quaksonhehe @lovehollandy12 @thollandneedy @prancerrparkerr @parkerpeter24 @hollandsour @evermoreholland @harmqnia @thehumanistsdiary @samaraaaaa @itscaminow @alinastarkrovs @marvelsbitch8 @celestialholland @kasidy409 @parkerdarling @scarletspideyy @capital-koreasofia @marvelhasmyheart235 @hackerholland @tom-softie @hollandsjen @tomhollandsbitch8 @bi-lmg07 @reawritesthings @tomsholland2412 @lowkey-holland @cocoamoonmalfoy

[novakidds]

I sincerely hope every queer person you ever meet recognizes you for the monster you are and runs for the hills. May you live an empty life, devoid of friends and loved ones. May your girlfriend pass before you do so you know unending pain.

recently, i went to a food drive for the local homeless, who have been kicked out of their shelters for what is essentially a campground during record rainfall. i spent hours running around making snack bags, menstrual kits, and sandwiches.

this happened to take place at the local gay bar. fine by me.

i kept bumping shoulders with visibly trans people, mtf and ftm alike. one particular ftm i kept bumping shoulders with spoke with a feminine, cracking voice wracked with the social nervousness i would expect of an anxious teenager in a crowded club.

i tapped the ftm on the shoulder. "same hat?" i asked. having decided on a whim to wear a binder that day, i gesture broadly to my chest. "same hat?" echoed in reply. "same hat??" "same hat????"

"LETS GOOOO" i ended, both of us carrying on being very busy, making a brief connection of what is, likely, assumed to be trans kinship in the wild.

she- biological, chronically anxious, misguided she- had no idea. she will also never know, will not break out in some cold sweat at bring spoken of in some specific way. neither will i, possibly referred to as "he" or "they" (wouldn't want to assume my pronouns, right?) in some bright-eyed recount of how the evening went.

i look just like you. i dress just like you. i talk just like you. i wear the slimy skin of "queer," and you wouldn't be able to tell the difference. you compliment my tee with mushroom print on it or my big earrings, as many others have. you would probably agree with my beliefs as obvious fact if worded in just such a way. i bet you already have. perhaps that's why you prostrate anonymously, atoning for your perceived sin for your fucking cult.

you, you small putrescent human being, every thoughtless spasm of your psychology bred blindly in iniquity, are a twitching nerve. a civilian cell that offers nothing to even a virus. your fetid cadaver would not attract flies, hollow as it is. you have nothing but venom for the world, forever toeing the line between worthlessness and being an active detriment. never thinking a day in your life. talking with you personally is likely akin to striking a wet match. there are no words strong enough for the pathetic, lashing cruelty, akin to a trapped animal, that you show, and thankfully in this medium i don't need to breathe in order to type it all, because you are not worth the investment of a disappointed sigh.

twitch elsewhere. along with the latest trends, the latest party mantra. in a kinder world, your social experiment would have already ended, and as gender-nonconforming homosexuals live in peace, you go about wracked with regret for your inhuman actions. i would not pity you.

you are so weak you cannot personally wish ire against me. just those that i know, unrelated. but i know you. you aren't aware that you know me, but i'm already in your sacred temples, saying your mantras. you lash blindly because you don't have any other way of telling other than what you're told. the moment you stop twitching mindlessly along, you will lose everything. your braindead tribe will oust you, and you will have nothing. those who you think love you will not miss your friendship, or think about it particularly deeply once you are discarded, ghosted at the slightest provocation, as you always have been. all the time invested in those you care about ultimately never making a return.

but i will still be here, and i will still be homosexual.

but at least you told some dykes to die today.

[bottomharrykingdom]

Harry has for a while now been sort of frontlining a ‘campaign’ to normalize dressing however you like with no judgement. He’s talking about how anyone can wear anything, and especially how men should be able to dress feminine and that it’s completely okay, and does not define you. I feel like people speculating in his gender or sexual identity - and using his dress style as an argument - takes away from what he’s trying to do. I’d say the main reason why a lot of men are ‘scared’ of using—

— eminine outfits, even as costumes, is because they don’t want to be questioned, so when we do that to Harry, instead of promoting his attempt of helping other men embracing femininity, we end up with loads of comments on social media about his GI and SI. It doesn’t matter to me what he is, I love him for his heart and his personality, and that’s that, but I wish people would accept and promote him in the ‘package’ he comes in now, as opposed to make posts about what he could or couldn’t be.—

— I understand why people wonders, who haven’t? And I don’t mind when people speculate based on quotes like ‘not that important’ in terms of girls, or the whole ‘sue’ debate, that’s fine. But when it comes to this, something that he (to me) seems passionate about, I wish people wouldn’t take away from the importance of his statements about femininity, like ‘make men manly again’, by debating whether he is a man at all. (3/3)

Just because Harry is being used as an example by cishet media outlets trying to scrub queerness from gender nononcormity, doesn't mean it's something Harry is campaigning for. He's only spoken on his own, personal comfort with wearing what he wants without concern for the gender binary, while the media and public project "new masculinity" and "real manhood" onto those acts a way to remove any queerness from his self expression.

Men are afraid to wear dresses because of homophobia, transphobia, and misogyny, for fear of being seen as gay, transgender, or feminine. Telling them they're still masculine cishet men while in a dress or makeup does nothing to address their bigotry. Any campaign to defend the preservation of men's masculinity is absurd. And calling anyone in a dress the pinnacle of masculine cishet manhood does a horrible injustice to trans femmes looking to express femininity and womanhood in those things cishet people are trying to turn into a "real man's" thing.

Which is what Harry was doing when he captioned his photo "Bring back manly men." He was not declaring himself a manly man. He was rejecting the existence of that concept altogether and proudly mocking it, not announcing himself as the new standard of true masculine cishet manhood. To do that is to erase the fundamental queerness of gender nonconformity. And Harry, a queer person, would never take away gender nonconformity from the queer community by leading a campaign that encourages cishet men trying to preserve their cishet masculine manhood into claiming queer culture as their own, preserving the transphobic, homophobic, misogynistic beliefs that made them not want to do it before. If you don't believe he's queer, then he wouldn't do it as a decent human being!

Harry's VOGUE cover didn't prompt us into believing he's trans. No one believes Harry is noncis just for wearing a dress. The belief was prevalent since before he ever publicly wore a dress. Anyone who thinks Harry is noncis because he wore a dress is very ignorant! No one should think that. But here on this blog, no one does! So there's no need to tell us that!

It's a bit exhausting to repeat the reasons why trans people believe Harry is trans, especially to defend ourselves from lazy accusations that we think a dress in a photoshoot makes him a trans woman. The reasons are too long to put into a single list, especially every other week to educate people who came to the blog with a certain impression of us they didn't try to confirm before presenting us with arguments against it.

Please look at our 'trans harry' tag to understand that none of the talk about Harry and gender began over a dress in a photoshoot! It's full of queer coding, signaling, statements, and behavior that spans years and began officially when Harry put the trans flag on the cover of Fine Line. All of it are interpretations from trans people in fandom, people who don't need to be told the difference between a cis person in a dress and a closeted trans person expressing kinship with their community.

If you can't be bothered to read through the entire tag, we can't be bothered to summarize one year of posts for you in a single ask. Please have a nice day!

[therapy101]

(1/2) With a rise in young children expressing gender nonconformity being sent to gender clinics, being taught about gender dysphoria and being ‘born in the wrong body’ in schools, being guided towards pubertal blockers and medical transition, I was wondering if I could ask for your more knowledgeable input please. When treating such children and adolescents, why is the underlying assumption that the dysphoric feelings are valid and the body is what needs fixing? Why is APA/psychologists

(”2/2) allowing medical decisions to be made based on outdated mind-body dualism? We don’t affirm anorexia and offer liposuction, or the delusions of schizophrenia for instance, so why is this the only mind-body incongruence that’s treated this way? Does GD in a developing child really warrant medicalizing them for the rest of their lives? Since we’ve scientifically concluded gender is a spectrum, shouldn’t we instead be promoting gender diversity no matter what sexed body we’re born in?”

There are a lot of things to unpack and understand here. 

1. The underlying assumption is not that “the body needs fixing.” Medical transition is not the first step for children, adolescents, or adults with gender dysphoria. From 2004-2016, only 92 total children and adolescents out of six million total patients younger than 19 seen in the sample received a hormone blocker for a transgender-related diagnosis. Even among adults, current estimates for the United States are that between 25-35% of trans and non-binary adults complete any kind of gender affirming surgery (this means, even enough those who have surgery, it may only be one type of surgery and may not impact all relevant body parts). Getting access to trans-affirming medical care is very difficult, and structural inequalities like racism impact access to care, leading some trans people, especially Black trans women, to have to buy hormones from non-medical sources. That’s one of the reasons why the APA has come out to support trans folks and gender affirming care: because otherwise, these folks don’t get any care, or they get mistreated. The point here is to ensure that everyone gets equitable access to high quality medical and mental health care. That includes hormones, hormone blockers, and/or surgery for some people, but not everyone. 

2. All feelings are valid- dysphoric or otherwise. Sometimes feelings don’t fit the facts, or acting upon them doesn’t make sense, but that doesn’t take away from their validity. The question is not whether the feelings are valid for kids with gender dysphoria, the question is how to understand that dysphoria better and how to identify what to do about it, both in terms of gender identity and in terms of coping, support and improving overall mental health. This is a great place for a therapist with expertise to step in and help the child and their family figure it out. 

Sometimes the child or adolescent has known literally or essentially their whole life, and that may mean no dysphoria (which is great!). From Katz-Wise et al., 2017: 

For some youth, primarily but not exclusively those ages 7–12 years, indication of transgender identification occurred early and was described as “immediate.” One father of an 18-year-old trans boy from the Northeast noted, “It was so immediate that it was just, you know, it wasn’t like he was seven and he said, ‘Oh my god he thinks of himself as a boy.’ It was just kinda always like that with him.”

For other youth, it is a more gradual process, and may take some time to sort out. Some youth also don’t have dysphoria while they are doing that so there may not be a reason to seek out therapy unless there is some other mental health issue they are facing. But if they do have dysphoria, or are otherwise experiencing mental health symptoms related to their gender identity, then seeing a therapist can help. 

3. Supporting a child to identify as trans or nonbinary or some other non-cis gender is not “medicalizing them for the rest of their lives.” Hormone blockers can be removed, and hormones can be stopped- but I disagree that these are “medicalizing” in any case. A person cannot be reduced down to the medications they take or the treatments they receive. Is a woman with cancer “medicalized” because she undergoes a hysterectomy? Are the children on puberty blockers for medical reasons “medicalized” (>2000 of them in the study I cited above, but no one seems concerned about them)? What about those people with delusions who are put on antipsychotics, which are known to have severe side effects including higher risk of diabetes and heart disease, seizures, tardive dyskinesia, overwhelming sleepiness impacting ability to work or drive, weight gain (I’ve seen clients gain >70 lbs in 3 months), and more? 

I would encourage you to read either of these great studies by Katz-Wise et al: 1 or 2 to understand this better. When you ask trans youth about themselves, the medical aspect is such a small part- they are talking about their whole selves, their hopes for the future, their families and friends, and their wishes to be able to be loved and accepted for who they really are. Some of it is about their bodies, sure, and that can mean that some decide to use hormones and/or hormone blockers or undergo surgery (although we’ve seen that those rates aren’t super higher ). But they’re also just talking about being called the right name and pronoun, getting to wear the clothes that make them feel authentic, getting to date and marry and have sex, and: getting to live. Not being ostracized and assaulted and killed. Like this 8 year old who identifies as a girlish boy worrying he’ll never be able to get married AND be his true self (from the second Katz-Wise et al):

An 8-year-old youth participant who identified as a “girlish boy” similarly worried about other people's reactions related to gender norms in the long-term future, as told by his mother,

He said [to me], ‘But I'm not going to get married, because if I married a boy I'd want to be the bride...I would want to wear a dress and people would laugh at me because I'm marrying a boy and I'd be wearing a dress.

He is 8 years old and these are his worries. As a mental health professional, my immediate thought is that he deserves any and all support that makes sense to him and his family so that he doesn’t have to worry like this. So that he can be 8. 

4. Finally, and probably most importantly: gender dysphoria is different because treating it with hormone blockers, hormones, and surgery is literally life saving. 

As high as 42% of trans people have attempted suicide at least once. For comparison, the lifetime prevalence of suicide attempts in the general population is 3%.  

Study after study has shown that there are three primary factors that reduce suicide risk: 1. Timely medical and legal transition for those who want it; 2. Family acceptance and general support from friends and loved ones; 3. Reduced transphobia and internalized transphobia. (1 2 3 4 5). 

Psychologists want to help people live, and live well. Living well means having a life you enjoy and find meaningful. If medical transition means someone’s suicide risk decreases and their mental health improves, then they can pursue the life they want. Being affirmed in their gender means they can have that part of the life they want. It might also help them get to other things they want (like having the marriage and wedding they envision, like that example). These are things we as psychologists prioritize. Period. 

It’s not the same as anorexia because providing a liposuction for two reasons. One: It would not resolve the dysphoria. People with anorexia who lose weight do not feel better about themselves and their bodies. That’s the dysphoria: people with anorexia (and other eating disorders, sometimes) often cannot see their bodies as they really are. Changing the body won’t help. Unlike in gender dysphoria, where changing the body- either in presentation or actually medically -actually does help. Two: Liposuction for an underweight person with anorexia could kill them. As we’ve discussed, gender affirming surgeries for trans people can save their lives. These are not comparable. 

The comparison to delusions doesn’t work very well because there isn’t really a “medical” intervention you would do to affirm someone’s delusion. But, since you may not know this: we sometimes do affirm people’s delusions, and it’s not necessarily psychologically helpful to try to change someone’s mind about a delusion. Delusions are not bad all on their own, and: sometimes things we think are delusional, actually aren’t, so it’s super important not to assume we know someone’s life and experiences better than they do. (Just recently a nurse assumed a patient was delusional, but actually they were quite rich and owned several expensive cars. People can be rich and have a significant mental illness.) So anyway- I don’t know how that applies. 

Overall: we as a field are still understanding the full spectrum of gender identities and how to do good treatment and good science in relationship with that. But what’s clear is that medical transition is sometimes a part of a good treatment plan for both youth and adults, and that it can save people’s lives. It can make their lives better. I am 100% about saving people’s lives, so I am 100% about a medical transition when appropriate and gender affirming care in general. 

References: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

(email me at academic.consultant101 gmail.com if you need full texts)

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[obstinaterixatrix]

hey! i just finished kanojo ni Naritai Kimi to Boku based on your rec, and it was good! it made me emotional--i was curious about what you thought about the ending (although it mightve been a while since you read it..) the guys confession was actually pretty good, but i was really surprised by a lot of the events that happened in the timeskip..

hated it! it’s not necessarily a bad ending and I don’t think it ruins the series... well actually I’d say it’s a bad ending in terms of not following through with hime, but it’s fine with how akira is treated and how their friend gets a wedding. It’s just so strangely normative and heterosexual for hime when she was obviously going through her own gender/sexuality stuff? I don’t think she needed to end up with akira but the fact that what’s his face kind of barrels in at the end snd essentially derails her whole ‘I hate the male gaze and being seen as attractive to men makes me uncomfortable’ with ‘but what if it was me?????’ was kind of weird! literally if there wasn’t a ‘married to a man and has a kid’ it would’ve been the perfect ending for me. hime without a romantic partner at the moment? fine. hime in a relationship with someone else that’s not a man? fine. hime married to THAT guy??? I hate him. let me delete him from the series. I guess people could argue that there’s gender nonconformity with the crossdressing but it reads to me like circumstantial stuff rather than gender stuff and kind of acts as a counterpoint to akira—akira as a trans gal and what’s his face as a guy dressing up as a gal. it’s just really irksome how a series that did a good job highlighting and prioritizing non straight male characters kind of swung back around and made them. matter a lot. was it for the straight fans?? was it to appeal to the straight fans????? did the editors push for it?????? idk but I think it was unnecessary. it’s like. what’s his face is fine or whatever he’s just some guy. actually no I do kind of dislike him because it felt kind of like naoto’s romance route in p4 where a gnc character is basically told ‘ok but what if you presented in a feminine way as a cis gal for me’ when hime was very. baby butch.

[drake-the-incubus]

What’s Bad for You is Good for Me

Or otherwise called, conflicting needs in representation. Which is most certainly a thing.

Sometimes we have specific needs ton representation that isn’t met due to certain circumstances. Recently I posted something about how Lazy Eyes are portrayed as inherently ableist, despite the fact I grew up with it being incredibly disabling and being treated poorly for having one, and in a discussion with other people, have been told they feel the same way.

Today, I saw a post about how someone being transphobic, complained about how trans characters gave him dysphoria. While he was incredibly transphobic about him, I realized that there’s intersectionality on representation no one really talks about.

We don’t talk about how it’s weird to define representation as good and bad depending on how stereotyped it looks. We just sort of do it.

Like, for example, a flamboyantly gay, gender-nonconforming man who is very open about his sexuality and might even be sexual. This is considered a horrible stereotype. I... I've known gay men like that who genuinely enjoyed the nice representation of those characters.

I think the issue is the difference between how it's played off, and why it's being done. And I'll use a few examples.

Power Puff Girls has the Devil who suspiciously borders on a transmisogynistic and homophobic stereotype, being a villain. The femininity that the character displays is part of the villainous routine, and there's not much to the character outside of this. When the character feels like it, he drops his femininity to become masculine and aggressive. Top it off with being the devil, it's pretty bad. This is bad representation, if not for the villain part, then for the fact that there's no substance to it at all.

Which is actually what the problem with representation usually is. It's two-dimensional, and it's villanizing. The character is not only that way because it makes them more villainous, but it also helps make us look horrifying to the viewers.

What changes when you include Lil Nas X's recent release, MONTERO (Call me by your name)? It's a form of self-expression and it's inherently fighting back against the need to sanitize oneself for an oppressing class. It's fighting back against the idea that in order to exist, we need to be pure. To be accepted into heaven we atone for being gay. It's a rejection of Modern Religion and society's base treatment of us.

And it's necessary. We can't have the soft, loving, sanitized rep. It can suit plenty of us. Being accepted into heaven- in spite of our flaw of being gay? I've been told that before- isn't what everyone wants. In order to have reached acceptance, we must not readily display the "bad" part of ourselves.

If a straight woman was to want for a dude, it's highly more accepted than if a man were to do it. Regardless of the man's input?

I can't go to a conversation, openly as a trans man, and discuss my attraction to men as a man, and not get shut down, "because it's weird" but I do have to sit there and hear talk about anime boobs. Sometimes for hours. Because you know, that's acceptable in society, me liking men as a dude isn't.

And the thing is, neither is bad. A gay man being openly sexual and open about his sexuality in media, so long as it's not his defining trait and he's not demonized for it in the media- aka villainizing a gay man who is flamboyantly gay and gnc is very common- it's good.

A gay man who is soft, caring and understanding for his partner, emotionally mature and shies away from his sexuality is also good. It's not representation I need, but for younger audiences it is.

A gay man who is selective in his men vs a man who isn't. We need both.

Representation makes us feel human. Like we're not horrible for existing, and one set is never going to be enough.

For example. I'm a very androgynous trans man. I wear dresses and makeup.

I enjoy the feminine trans characters because they can exist and so can I. I also enjoy the masculine trans characters.

I hate the written trans experience and I absolutely cannot stand fanfiction regarding trans man, regardless of which it is.

It's dysphoria-inducing. Why? Because it focuses on the aspect of being trans rather than the aspect of existing as a man, and those aspects tend to center around dysphoria or being AFAB. Either way, the experience is uncomfortable for me to interact with and can really bother me.

That form of representation isn't for me. I live the trans experience. I don't need it in my media. I want a person who lives the average life and happens to be trans. Where being trans isn't the center of the story.

Other people need it the exact opposite, and if being trans isn't integral it bothers them. They feel like being trans is on a higher level of their identity and their rep needs to reflect that.

In fact, I talked to another trans friend of mine, who said that the kind of stories that focus on the body being AFAB was reaffirming to them and it helped them along. They loved content like that. Where as I couldn't bear it, it caused me issues and I saw it personally as harmful.

The thing about rep isn't actually the stereotypes, most of the time. IE a feminine trans man character isn't bad rep, so long as he's an actual human being.

I also think the person making it and the intent behind the character are important.

Example 1: A cis woman who makes a trans woman villain the epitome of masculinity who is pretending to be a woman, and is defeated by a woman, is just bad rep.

Why? Because a) it targets and puts down another minority to uplift women. b) it intentionally tries to erase trans women from being women. c) it reinforces the stereotype that trans women are just men trying to pretend to be women and are inherently violent. d) it demonized masculine trans women who may have been denied- or do not want- to medically transition.

Example 2: Created by someone who is LGBT+ with input from a trans man. A trans man is flamboyantly gay, talks about how much he loves men quite a lot, and is known for being fairly feminine. He enjoys hobbies such as boating and fishing, and his story is about connecting with his community and accepting himself as a person without needing to give a part of himself up.

Is example 2 real? I hope it is, I'd enjoy that. But this is good rep. Yes, it plays on stereotypes, but this is a person. Their story is about their identity and they have traits outside of the stereotype. For a flamboyantly gay trans man, this would be perfect. If you challenged toxic masculinity in the movie and addressed how trans men feel the need to overperform into toxic masculinity for acceptance and how it ruins our connections with our emotions, it would be pretty great.

Example 3: Created based on a real person. A character who is clearly autistic, and struggles with communication, who acts childish and clearly has a prominent lazy eye. This character struggles with tasks but gets them right. This is done with input and the person's input

Bad Rep?

If you said yes you'd be wrong. A character based on a real human being can't be bad representation. Because a) they're human, and b) there's a nuance to people that needs to be addressed.

Human beings will never be a monolith and having a monolith idea of representation to show oppressors what we're like ignores the fact of human diversity.

I can only speak for myself. This means the topic of race and how to handle racial issues in media vs the sanitization of the culture people of colour have, is not one I can speak on, and I wish I could have input on it.

I'll add if I'm not cohesive enough, it's usually because of Autism and possible Comorbid ADHD fighting each other.

If someone better at the topic can handle this, feel free to reblog and add on, I'll reblog additions and reply to any concerns made.