#all steve has done is be bland and average

[thenotoriousscuttlecliff]

Diana catching Barbara in her arms, Barbara naming her Wonder Wonder, Diana embracing it instantly, and Barbara shouting "CALL ME!" were all more romantic than anything with Steve Trevor in Absolute Wonder Woman.

[mosswillow]

🖤 Dark

❤️ Like on that line

💜 Not dark

🐶 ABO

Marvel

                                      -Peter Parker- 

🖤 Your Room - One shot - reader-insert - Dark!fic Warnings: Noncon/Dubcon, oral (female receiving), spankings, punishment, kidnapping, Stockholm syndrome, unprotected sex, smut, vaginal intercourse. 

Summary: Your life is bland and boring but not for long. What happens when you catch the eye of a certain super hero?

*This is also part of Synonyms, a Dark!avengers collection that can be read together. this should be read either first or last.

                                     -Steve Rogers-

🖤Come Back - One shot - Reader-insert - Dark!fic Warnings: Dark! 18+, stalking, cults, kidnapping, blood, drugging, bondage.

Summary: Your father's death brings you back to your childhood home and the cult you grew up in. You just need a few days to pack things up before selling the place and leaving forever.

🖤🐶 Hiding Your Wolf - One shot - Reader-insert - Dark!fic Warnings 18+ dark fic, kidnapping, noncon/dubcon, public nudity, smut, werewolves, A/B/O dynamics. 

Summary - you’ve been hiding your wolf your whole life. You know you shouldn’t go out on a full moon but you want to so badly. 

🖤 🐶Useless - series - part one - part two  - Part Three- reader-insert - Dark!fic Warnings 18+ Adult content!, Werewolves, A/B/O, Possessive behavior, Dark, Non con/dub con, Forced marriage, power imbalance, general misogyny, Punishments, spanking, smut, violence, oral (male receiving) .

Summary: “Trying to fight this is useless doll, we’ll always end up right back here.” You’re the bottom of the pack, an Omega, and Steve has chosen you for his mate.

🖤Jumping In - One shot - Warnings: 18+ adult content!!, Kidnapping, smut, Dark fic, vaginal fingering, noncon/dubcon, yandere.

 Summary: You submit your application to the Avengers as a joke. You’re nowhere near qualified enough for the job. So why do they want you?

*This is also part of Synonyms, a Dark!avengers collection that can be read together. This is the first in the series.

🖤 Complex Flavors- one shot- Warnings 18+ Adult content!, Dark, drugging, sex pollen (sorta), noncon/Dubcon, Gaslighting, Abuse, choking, Smut, Drinking,

💜 Learning To Love - one shot - Warnings: Smut, feelings, angst, interrupted assault  (In relation to this, attacker going unpunished, intimidation, stalker vibes.), mature themes, 18+ adult content, slow burn?

Summary: Life always does this thing where it puts you in situations you swore you were done experiencing. You’re done having relationships, but they may not be done with you. *This is not dark but that doesn’t mean that it’s light reading.* 

                                       -Tony Stark-

🖤Your Mask - One Shot -. Warnings: 18+ adult content, Non Con/dub con, kidnapping, smut, Dark!, blackmail.Summary: You’re an independent woman working her way up through corporate America. What happens when a a one-night stands turns into an obsession?

*This is also part of Synonyms, a Dark!avengers collection that can be read together. This is the second in the series.

                                -Natasha Romanoff-

🖤Books - One shot - Warnings: 18+ Adult content, Noncon/dubcon, smut, oral, yandere.

Summary: You meet the most beautiful girl. She’s everything you’ve always dreamt of. Red flags? What red flags?

*This is also part of Synonyms, a Dark!avengers collection that can be read together. This is the third in the series.

                                       -Sam Wilson-

🖤Routines *(Dark!Sam Wilson x Reader) Warnings: 18+ adult content, Dark!, Noncon/dubcon, vaginal fingering, punishment, spanking, Stalking, voyeurism (kinda), masturbation.

Summary: You run into Sam at the grocery store one evening decide to catch up. He wants more though and won’t take no for an answer. You’re his and it’s only a matter of time before you realize that.

*This is also part of Synonyms, a Dark!avengers collection that can be read together. This is the fourth in the series.

                                             -Thor-

Alone - Dark!Thor x ReaderWarnings: 18+ Adult content. Dark!, kidnapping, forced marriage, noncon/dubcon, oral (male receiving), violence, spit kink, Smut, Thor is mean af in this.

Summary: You’ve been hiding on earth for years after running away from an arranged marriage with Thor. What happens when fate brings him to your place of work?

*This is also part of Synonyms, a Dark!avengers collection

                                    -Bucky Barnes-

🖤Focus *- Dark!Bucky Barnes x ADHD!Reader Warnings! Dark! 18+ content, vaginal fingering, noncon/dubcon, smut, kidnapping, oral (female receiving)

Summary: You never should have taken the job cleaning for Stark industries. The Avengers might be heroes on the outside but something sinister lies just beneath the surface.

*This is also part of Synonyms, a Dark!avengers collection

that can be read together. This is the fourth in the series.

🖤New Year. - Mob boss!Bucky Barnes x reader Warnings: 18+ adult content, Dark!!!, Noncon/dubcon, manipulation, smut.

Summary: A New Years themed dark Cinderella story.

🖤Appropriate - Mob Boss!Bucky x Reader

Summary: You thought you knew who you married... You thought.

18+ Adult content, Dark, rape/noncon, punishment, violence, face slapping. 

                                         -Loki-

🖤Synonyms  *- Dark!Loki x reader Warnings: Dark! 18+ adult content. Smut, noncon/dubcon, stalking, kidnapping, vaginal fingering.Summary - You’re average in every way, Loki doesn’t think so though.

*This is also part of Synonyms, a Dark!avengers collection

                              -Stephen Strange- 

🐶🖤Simple Silver - Warnings: 18+ adult content, dark!, ABO (no mentions of knots, heat, or rutt.), general misogyny, noncon/dubcon, smut, vaginal fingering, oral (male receiving), violence, orgasm delay/denial, kidnapping (kinda), she spits in his face in this, possessive behavior.

Summary: You’ve been given a gift, one not many Omegas get. A bracelet that when worn by an Omega changes their scent ever so slightly. All you need to do is keep the bracelet on and he can’t find you. 

🖤Iced Coffee   -  series master list  

Series Warnings: 18+ adult content, Dark, Rape/noncon, obsessive behavior, stalking, doctor/medical themes, needles (chapter one, not sex related), violence, abuse, kidnapping, forced marriage, smut, escape attempt.

Summary:You met Stephen Strange your last year of medical school. He was godlike and you were infatuated. You liked him and in return he humiliated you. Years later you were over it; made a career for yourself.He saw you again, remembered you, wanted you. He was going to show you that he had changed, win you over. You would be his and he would protect you forever, he just had to prove himself.

                                        -CHARLES XAVIER-  

🖤Try Again, and Again, and Again. Summary: Your life is so perfect. A sweet and caring husband, a beautiful home; but something is off.

Warnings: 18+ adult content, dark, smut, vaginal fingering MORE WARNINGS AT BOTTOM OF FIC.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Star Wars 

                                             -Reylo-

🖤The Stone - Complete  - (ao3 link) Dark! Warnings: Noncon/dubcon, smut, punishment, violence, possessive behavior. 

Summary: Rey goes on a camping weekend with her girlfriends. She isn't expecting to be accidentally bonded to a Fae prince. She also isn't expecting to discover that she is not who she thought she was. The life she's always known is a lie and her true identity a nightmare.

❤️ 🐶 To Be Warmed By The Fire - Complete - (ao3 link)  A/B/O Warnings: Slightly dubious consent, non consensual drug use, assault, smut, lots of feelings, arranged marriage. 

Summary: It's physically painful for Rey, as an Omega, to lie. Especially to an Alpha like Ben. As outspoken and independent as she is, she doesn’t actually like breaking rules. It’s why she leaves without telling anyone. It’s much easier for her to disobey when no one is physically telling her no. Her usual strategy is to just say nothing. That way, she can easily convince herself later that she never agreed to whatever rule she wants to break. This is different though, he wants her to say to his face that she won’t go. She has every intention of going to the party and nothing Ben says or does will change that. She knows, however, that he won’t leave until she gives in. In this instance, lying is the only option she feels like she has.

❤️ 🐶 The People You Love - WIP - (ao3 link) Warnings: Dubious consent, smut, unconscious medical procedure, lots of feels and sad times, running away, arranged marriage. 

Summary: Rey is raised by her grandfather, who takes her to an island away from society. One day a group of men show up on her island and she finds herself running away from Ben Solo. She doesn't know anything about the outside world but that won't stop her from running until she can't run any longer. She's always wanted adventure and now she's finally getting it, whether she wants it or not.   

[angeli-marco-writes]

Steve Rogers - Promise

A/N - So, this is my first marvel imagine? I haven’t watched all the films yet, I’m halfway through and watching them all in chronological order, but I couldn’t resist because I love Steve Rogers. So much. Once I’ve finished watching, I'll probably realise a shit tonne of mistakes in this, but please don’t judge. Apologies for any typos and incorrect information. GIF credits to owner.

Warnings - angst, smut so 18+ please; fingering, unprotected sex (don’t do it), borderline ‘captain’ kink, 5k.

Summary - you’re an admin worker in stark tower, an average working girl except for one thing, you have a superior memory, one that has aided you many a time. But when you’re leading Cap on a mission and it gets cut off, is it because of your memory, or are you just letting your crush on Steve cloud any reasonable thinking?

YOU LOVE YOUR JOB, there’s no denying it. You’re young, a Brit in America, just working to help with your future, but after how well it’s been going recently? You don’t think you’ll want to leave. 

You’re an admin at Stark Tower. Not that one is really needed with all of Tony’s tech, and the fact that everyone is more than capable of sorting themselves out, it’s just fun to be around. Not only do you complete all the stenography and spreadsheets that don’t necessarily have to do with anyone specific, but you also do many of the more artistic plans and are everyone’s personal therapist. You probably don’t help your own cause - leaving your door propped open with a book to let anyone drift in and out of their own accord at any given time, unless you’re properly working, and then they know to find you in your office. Yes, your very own office.

Recently, with you becoming more and more familiar with the workings of all the residents, growing more knowledgeable of their work lives, picking up the lingo and everyone’s gladness at your perfect, imperturbable memory, you’re slowly being given more tasks. This could be anything from mission reassignment to looking through months old footage, but you’ve been helping out over the system on a couple of missions. You really feel like one of the team even though you know you’re far from it. Sleeping in the tower helps, as well as being welcomed by everyone every meal time that you sit together, especially the way they test your memory trick and always seem completely amazed at how you remember the most obscure details. Anything from the exact positioning of a birth mark on someone that Natasha took down the first week you began working, to the precise measurement of metal that Tony needed to complete a new project, to the freckle on Steve’s bare ass that one time he had to use your shower-

That escalated quickly. 

Currently, you’re in your office, daydreaming and completely wistfully thinking. You have no trouble remembering every conversation you and Steve have ever had, not that many admittedly, but he’s always been so kind to you. He was the first one to truly make you feel part of the team, welcoming you with a hug before holding you at arms length and brushing a crease from the arm of your blouse. You’re not really sure if he’d seen anyone dress that way, since all the girls he was around were always in their kick ass clothes, gym shorts or comfies, so you wandering around day in day out and wearing frilly Victorian-era blouses paired with short, tight pencil skirts and Louboutin stilettos may have been a shock to his system. It wasn’t with any agenda in mind that you did this, merely a mix of modesty and business woman style. Every word Cap has ever said flies through your mind, the impeccable memory of the way his exquisite nylon suit clings to him in all the right places... 

Steve is the only guy you’ve fancied for a while, the only person you’ve ever really gone for emotionally, and all of that is because he’s such a cute human being; so genuine, so upbeat around you, so supportive, and his smile. Goddamn his smile. He’s just too cute for life, which is also why you should really be concentrating, considering you’re supposed to be monitoring his mission. 

“Y/N, are you there? I think somethings happening, someone’s here that we didn’t know about, where do I go?”

His usually soft voice is frantic, and you can tell he’s a little scared, since this was supposed to be a simple solo mission, in and out, but now you’re having to recite an escape route. 

“Turn left at the end of that corridor, half way down there’s a grate on the wall. Pull it off, climb inside.” You tell him as calmly as you can, but even your heart is beating out of your chest, breathing laboured and a slight sweat forming on your forehead. 

“I’m in, sweetheart. What next?” Not the right time for your heart to flutter at his words, especially not the time to imagine the way his raspy morning voice would curl around those very same Few words...

“Follow the route, it’ll bring you out in a downstairs kitchen area that was empty last time I checked, I’ll look again...” you trail off, clicking off the one screen with the dot of his whereabouts to check the surveillance, and he seems to be safe. 

You hear his breathing calm down as he crawls through the ventilation system, but even as you flick through every camera that you’ve been able to access in the building he’s in and the surrounding area, nothing seems to be out of the ordinary apart from a couple of unconscious, probably dead blokes scattered across stone floors.

“I’m in the kitchen, but there’s no doors in here, no way out.” He says. 

Fuck.

Your heart sinks to your feet.

“Yes there is Steve, it’s on the north wall beside a faux, oversized spice rack. It has a silver handle and it’s an oak door, exactly like my bedroom door.”

He pauses, his heart rate thrumming heavily, “sweetheart there’s no door here, there’s no spice rack, just old built in cabinets and flat walls. You must have misremembered.”

“Shut the fuck op Steve, I’m doing what I can,”

Your usual eloquence is out the window along with all of your chill, sounding mildly like a road man as you frantically tap between the screens. He’s right though, his only way out is to climb back in the vent and hope to god, well, or Thor, that no one finds him there, but that may be too late.

“Try the cold tap on the sink, I don’t know exactly what was said but I distinctly remember someone talking about it. Stay calm for me Cap, please.” You want to beg for him to be ok, to come back in one piece, because this isn’t a normal mission, you’re emotionally attached. 

He takes a deep breath and walks over to the tap, but as soon as he touches it, all surveillance is cut off, your computer goes black, and you can’t even hear his breathing anymore. 

“Steve? Cap, come back to me, can you hear me? Steve?” With each call of his name to which he doesn’t respond, you grow more frantic. The lights are still on so you know that it’s not the mains, but you’re not educated with circuits, so you do what you can to reboot your computer, only for it to show up with your bland screen of spreadsheets, sans anything about the mission or Steve.

Your hands start shaking, lip quivering and mind overwhelmed with stress. It’s over, you’ve lost Steve, fucked up the mission, you’ll be out of a job, and the worst part? You broke a promise. 

“Promise you’ll keep me safe out there Y/N?” Steve asked, his cute little smile twinkling in his eyes and making your whole body go giddy.

“I promise, but you have to promise that you’ll come back in one piece.”

“That I can do, for you.” He murmured, wrapping his arms around your body and placing a kiss to your hairline. 

You haven’t been at the compound long enough to know whether this is normal for Steve, or for anyone, or if he’s just a natural flirt. Whatever it is, you feel too guilty to face him again if he even comes back alive. 

Slowly, soft sobs start to escape your lips without you noticing, tears slipping down your cheeks and dampening the neck of your blouse. You can’t help the guilt that overtakes you, the fear that you can’t even reason, and that’s when you hear a soft knock on your door.

“Can I come in?”

It’s Natasha. You nod gently as she takes a seat in the corner of your room, throwing her feet up on your coffee table so nonchalantly that it’s almost not a challenge of authority. 

“What’s up? Didn’t you have to radio for Cap?” Once again you nod, hastily wiping the tears from your face and smoothing your skirt out. “So, why are you crying?”

You like Natasha, of course you do, but you have normal people emotions and a little more conscience, unable to stand the thought of anyone even getting a papercut on your watch. 

“He went off, the computers crashed, and it’s all my fault.” You say, standing up and moving to shut your office door, locking it for safekeeping, because if Bucky finds out then you’re dead. 

Natasha grabs a lollipop from your sweet bowl and sticks it in her mouth, swirling her tongue around it, and if you didn’t know any better, you’d think she’s flirting. She’s not, that’s just Natasha. “Care to elaborate?”

You take a sharp breath, “someone was there that we didn’t calculate, I had to get him through the ventilation system to an abandoned kitchen that I KNOW had a door, my memory doesn’t glitch, so in the time it took for Steve to get through the vents, someone must’ve closed off the door, but I’m not sure how. Then he just went when he touched the only possible thing that could be an escape route. Fuck, what if he’s dead?”

You feel tears bubbling up in your eyes again, blinking harshly to keep them away. 

“So what if he is? You’re smart, you’re panicking, so you’ve obviously done everything. It sounds harsh but you can’t get too attached. Just listen out and he’ll come back of his own accord, but if he doesn’t then we’ll have to deal with that later.” She says, grasping a hand around your shoulder before  stepping over the threshold to the main compound, leaving you alone with your thoughts. 

Maybe she thought tough love would work, but she has a point. You’ve done everything you can, so now it’s just a waiting game.

You keep an ear piece on you but shut your office for the night, heading out to the bar to pour yourself a more than healthy sized glass of wine. You unbutton your shirt a little and slide down the wall to your favourite reading spot, in one far corner, you set up some cushions and bedding. You’re the only one that uses it, but you could swear that you’ve seen Steve eyeing it up before. So you sit, tears streaming down your cheeks and leaving you with mascara-stained tear tracks, the first few buttons of your shirt recklessly undone, and your heels flung elsewhere. You bring the bottle over with your glass, and you pick up a book to keep you distracted. 

You’re not sure how long you sit there, guilt slowly building, occasionally calling Steve’s name to check if he’s come back on the system, but there’s nothing. Nothing until the lift doors open, and out walks a very bloody Cap with his suit half on and a skin tight white t-shirt clinging to his upper body.

The tears don’t stop falling from your eyes, but you close your book anyway. You would stand up, run to hug him, but your legs can’t hold you up, so you stay seated, all your words caught in your throat as Steve edges further across the common area towards you. 

He offers you a shy smile, virtually collapsing into the carpet only metres from you. Slowly his head lifts, hair falling into his eyes, and he holds his arms out. 

“Oh god Steve,” it’s him. Really him. You feared he’d be a hologram or something, your eyes deceiving you from their soreness post crying. But he’s here, you can tell from the overly memorised display of veins in his bicep when he offers you his arm. 

“It’s me,” he nods, edging a little further towards you as you crawl closer and settle into his grip. 

Your tears flow freely, dampening his shirt. Neither of you says a word, he just grips you closer to him, cuddling your legs into his lap to soothe you.

After a while, Steve fidgets, and you find your eyes dry. 

You angle your head upwards, your well kept chignon completely haywire. Steve’s face is covered in bruises and dried blood, but his eyes don’t look at all worried. 

“What happened?” You whisper, words vibrating through his chest. 

“The tap was a trick, or maybe I twisted the wrong one, but all the lights went out and I was shocked, I had to attack a few guys but I made it out, albeit bruised.” He swallows, running a shy finger over the curves of your face. “Were you worried about me?”

You nod, clutching him close. He chuckles and draws circles on your back through your shirt, just his soft touch more comforting than anything else. 

“I’m fine, sweetheart, is my nose broken though?”

You look at his nose, softly smoothing over a hell of a bruise, before placing a gentle kiss to the bridge. 

“No, trust me. In British comps, fights happen daily, and my ex was in with a bad crowd, always in fights. I had to deal with all kinds of injuries, and your nose is not broken. Be grateful because it hurts to sort it out.”

He laughs and brings you in.

“You deserve so much better than someone like that. I was worried about you when I was out there you know...” he says.

A strange conversation transition, but who are you to judge. 

“I was so scared, I thought you’d died,” ah shit, here come the tears again, “Natasha told me to just wait it out like I wasn’t completely emotionally attached to you. Bloody hell, Steve, I’d be responsible if you died.”

He cooes sweet reassurances in your ear, wrapping his arms entirely around your torso while the join between his neck and shoulder becomes your sanctuary.

“I’m emotionally attached to you too if that helps,” he whispers in your ear, so quietly that he hopes you didn’t hear, instantly regretting it. But with the soft kiss you place on the sweet spot just below his ear, he brings up all his courage to angle his head just right, capturing your lips in his in the sweetest of kisses. 

You gasp into the kiss, your reaction giving Steve means to believe you didn’t like it, instantly pulling away and dropping his hands from around your body.

“I-I’m sorry, you’re upset and I took advantage of that, and I haven’t really been with anyone since, well...”

“Shut up and kiss me, Steve.” You command, cutting off his rambling, your hand cupping his cheek. 

His hands slowly make their way around your body, fumbling for the bottom of your blouse and subsequently unable to find where your shirt ends and your skirt starts. You giggle a little into the kiss, taking the opportunity to deepen the kiss by delving his tongue into your mouth. You place your hands over his and guide them to your chest. For a second, he seems confused, his lips halting their massaging movements on your own, until he finds the open buttons at the top of your blouse. He pulls his lips away for a moment, breath mingling together in the air. His smells of strawberries, you note. He glances at you for reassurance, something which you eagerly give, so he begins. His hands slowly work their way over your chest, fingers fiddling with your buttons as you wait patiently, completely submissive for Steve to do whatever he wants to you. 

He pushes the material from your shoulders, and you untuck the back of it from your skirt, allowing it to fall to the floor, revealing your bra. Though now you see Steve eyeing it up, you realise it’s not really a bra at all, rather two triangles of flimsy fabric with some bands and strings attached, one of your only bras that doesn’t show through a sheer blouse. The way his eyes are boggling at your tits though, you guess he likes it. 

An unwitting blush creeps up your neck and cheeks, suddenly feeling cold under his scrutiny.

“You can touch them if you want,” you chuckle lightly, fearing that you’ll sound like an inexperienced teenager if you say more. 

Steve blushes as crimson as you, his large hands leaping at the opportunity to feel you. You throw your head back in pleasure as his cold thumb rubs over your nipples, making them hard to the touch, and the rest of his hands get to work massaging and kneading your boobs, pulling down the fabric to softly kiss your bare skin. 

Although he hasn’t done this in a while, well, a lifetime, he still knows how to do it realllly well. 

Your hands fly to his heart, keeping him there, his lips switching between your breasts until you grow a little more needy, grinding down on his bulge. 

“You wanna do this?” He asks, voice a little hoarse but still silky. 

“Yes, Steve. Fuck, just take me.”

“Language,” he chides jokingly, but despite that, he agrees. 

Clearly he doesn’t need to be asked twice, because he has you flipped beneath him with your back on your cushions in your reading corner, his lips attaching your neck. 

You fumble with the bottom of his shirt, pulling it up and over his head between kisses and suckles to a sensitive spot on your neck. He’s carved like a Greek god, abs toned to perfection, his tanned skin rippling with any given movement. He feels so soft too, skin tender beneath your fingers, trailing them gently across his back and torso to simply feel him. The contrary of gentle skin and solid muscles is one that makes your mouth water with desire, bringing Cap’s lips back to your own, palms pressed firmly against his back. You go in deep this time, licking his mouth and devouring his taste. To your surprise, he kisses you back with even more fervour, so passionate that you lose track of any thought swirling in your mind. 

“Suit off, now.” You call breathlessly, watching on as Steve clumsily tries to peel off his trousers by using the sleeve of his suit. He’s moving so recklessly that with an abrupt movement he’ll snag the fabric, ripping the suit that makes him look heaven sent. 

“Here,” you giggle, offering a hand out which he gladly takes, letting you shimmy the tough material down his legs, only blocked by his clunky boots which he kicks off at the same time as the suit, haphazardly leaving them wherever they fall in the lounge. “Fuck.” Is all you can choke out. The serum worked on everything. Even with his briefs still on, you can see his cock twitching within its confines.

“You’re wearing too many clothes now,” he faux scolds, leaping atop you again, kissing your collarbone as his hands work their way down your body. 

First he unhooks your bra properly, throwing it off and you both hear it land on the glass coffee table from the way your clasp knocks the glass. Next he moves onto your skirt, unzipping it, your hips raising of their own accord to accommodate his actions, slipping it off alongside your tights, revealing your bare legs to him for the first time. He doesn’t care about any of the natural marks that grace your skin, merely that you’re sitting in just your panties and only for him. 

“God you’re so beautiful,” he says.

He runs his palms over your thighs, just feeling your skin beneath his. His touch is soothing, as is his presence, allowing you to feel open towards him. You tilt your legs a little more open, revealing to him the small wet latch that graces your not-so-sexy work underwear. 

“All for me?” Steve asks, eyes innocent and doe like. 

If he’s really this sweet and naive then you’re gonna fucking ruin him. Sweet Jesus what you wouldn’t do to that man, starting with your incredibly well hidden Captain kink, though it may not be hidden much longer.

He brings a finger up to your core, pushing your panties to the side to run a finger up and down your slit. He audibly moans while collecting your slick from between your folds, fingers rough in contrast to the part of his body that you’re gripping onto, though you’re not sure quite where from your eyes fluttering closed. 

“Ready?”

You nod, bracing yourself as he rips your panties off and pushes one finger inside you. He feels brilliant, his fingers so much longer and better than your own, already bringing you jolts of pleasure from its presence. 

He draws it out before pumping back in again, continuing his movements. Your forehead falls against his bare shoulder, small gasps of pleasure escaping your open mouth.

“More,” you pant, ready to feel more of his intoxicating ministrations. 

He nods obligingly, slowly adding a second finger, continuing his gentle assault on your pussy. God, it’s been so long since you’ve had sex, just his two fingers pumping in and out of you brings you more pleasure than you’d care to admit. 

“S-stop,” 

He looks up at you, immediately withdrawing his fingers, covered in your juices and glistening in the moonlight. You flush far too deeply at such a simple thing. 

“I need to feel you already, please.”

You sensually drag your finger all over his bare chest, hearing his breath hitch in his throat. He nods vigorously, hair falling in his line of vision, but scrambles to be on top of you properly, hands either side of your head on your array of cushions and his legs steady, trapping you completely beneath him. 

“Are you sure? I don’t wanna take advantage of you, y/n. You’re so beautiful and perfect and I want your first time with me to be something you’ll remember forever.” He says sweetly, but despite his kind words, you can’t help but chuckle for a solid few seconds before he realises what he’s said. 

“Ok, but are you sure you wanna do it here rather than my room? Yours is out of the option, everyone will assume you’re dead if your book isn’t there anymore...” 

once more you chuckle, as does he, bringing your hand up to cup his jaw. 

“I’m sure, Steve, now get inside me before I change my mind and wake Bucky up,” you quip. 

He knows you’re joking but gets to work anyway, swiftly getting rid of his brokers and ungracefully kicking them off as you watch him. He may be hot but even Loki’s magic may not be able to make him elegant. 

As soon as he’s back in his previous position and you see is dick slapping against his stomach, hard and already a little red, you can’t help but gape. His too-tight boxers didn’t do him justice because now you’re worried he won’t even fit. 

He sees your worried face and panics, “We can go back if you want, we don’t have to do this.”

“I want this Steve, shitting hell-“

“Language,” he chides, interrupting you, allowing you to cock your eyebrows at him, a look to say ‘is this really the time?’

“I’ve never wanted anything more in my life, just go slow because you’re huge.” You finish, smiling at his dorky smile and flushed cheeks. 

Of all the things he could blush at, he chooses a compliment. Such a dork, you think to yourself, unable to stop the contagious smile creeping onto your face.

“I’ll be careful with you, I promise.”

And that he is. 

“Oh, and call me captain.”

That’s something you knew he’d have a kink for, making you smirk a little too. 

He runs the head of his cock through your folds to father a little lubrication before pushing in, very slightly and very gently. He bends his arms and kisses all over your face with the new leverage, feather light kisses of pure affection before you give him a breathy whisper, resembling of a ‘more’, so he pushes in a bit more again, repeating the process until he’s buried to the hilt inside your aching core, clenching around him without Steve even needing to do anything. 

“Can I start moving?” He asks, awkwardly shifting his weight above you, but you nod vigorously, kissing him urgently as his lips begin to move. 

He starts off slow, gradual thrusts, ensuring that he finds every weak spot inside or you, making your toes curl already and your legs knot around his waist, his tongue still dancing with yours. 

He increases his pace after a while, bucking into you faster, making you moan out his name and clutch onto his wonderfully broad shoulders.

You pull your lips away for a moment, “more Captain,” you ask, nothing more than a breathy sound, but Steve obliges. 

He breaks the kiss as he begins snapping his hips into yours with fervour and purpose. His balls are hitting your bare ass, his cock stuffed inside you and making the most delectable sounds from how wet you are, all for Steve. He looks down, tearing his gaze away from your pretty little face with your die eyes and parted lips, only to watch as he sinks into you again and again, blurring the lines of where he ends and you begin.

“Steve, Captain, please, talk to me,” 

Your words come out as a strangled cry, a beg mixing with his moan at the name, oxygen lessening as your eyes flutter shut, too engrossed in the pleasure to even care that your voice has gone up in pitch while his has gone down. 

“You’re such a tease, walking around in that tight skirt all day, those long legs always crossed. All I want is to pull them apart and go down on you, under your desk, in the kitchen, just anywhere that I can have you for my own.” 

His voice is low, raspy and needy as he trails his tongue along your collarbone filthily, forcing your eyes open with some unearthly force he must possess simply so that he can meet your gaze as he bites your nipples, his cock continually hitting that sweet spot inside you. 

“It’s not just that though,” he continues, resuming his dirty talk between caresses of his lips all over you, “you’re so perfect. So stunning, so intelligent, the reason I wake up every day just for the hope that one of these days I’d be able to kiss you.”

his hips halt just for a moment, long enough to unwrap your legs from his back and throw them over his shoulders, lust filled eyes boring into your own with an uncharacteristically devilish smirk. 

He kisses you again, fleeting but passionate before he nibbles your earlobe and purrs,

“And now I get to have you at my mercy, and believe me, that desk fantasy is gonna come true every day.”

With that sentiment, he starts ploughing into you even more ferociously than before, making you scream his name, a lot of murmured ‘Captain!’s and curses mingling with the cries. 

The new angle hits spots you forgot even existed. Your nails take his back, tugging in and clinging on for mercy, the burn of your legs in such a contorted position only adding to your pleasure.

“Fuck, I’m gonna come,” you shout breathlessly, chest heaving, your boobs moving up and down of their own accord and Steve is unable to take his eyes off them.

You feel the coil ready to spring in your stomach, a climax that’s been steadily building since he first kissed you. 

“Tell me what you’re gonna do with me tomorrow, and then you can come.”

His words are something forbidden, coaxing you off the edge, daring you to hit that wave of pleasure. Just the thought of your past daydreams make your walls clench around him. 

“I’ll wake you up by sucking your magnificent cock, then I’ll ride you harder than anyone has ever before, and then I’ll ride your face before we have intermittent sex in my office, at least twice.”

You don’t even know what you’re saying, your imagination running winks with the thought of Steve having you in his lap in your desk chair, pressed up against the glass of your office for everyone to see as he fucks you senseless. You’re insatiable. The thought of his dick twitching in your mouth is too much to handle, especially as he brings his thumb down and presses on your clit, moaning unintelligibly at your apparently sexy words, and you feel it. 

Your orgasm crashes over you so hard that you feel it on your bones, thrashing around beneath Steve, screaming out his name as he dudes your high out only seconds before coming too, his muffled cries of your name drowned out as he bites onto the juncture of your neck, bruising it and rendering you unable to wear anything other than polo necks for a good few days. The pleasure he’s given you is unrivalled, and you can’t waist for more.

His body collapses onto yours inelegantly, wrapping you unto his body warmth in your cosy little corner, both forgetting that you’re completely naked in the common area after having rather loud sex. 

“Was that good?” Steve asks sheepishly, fingers running through your tangled hair.

“Yes, incredible. And for you?”

He thinks for a moment before answering, “exquisite, sweetheart.”

Your heart glows a little at his sleepy voice. You run your thumb over the bump of his nose and the blood residue still on his face, but you think you may like Steve a little roughed up. You stay close to each other, breathing together and sharing kisses in the night time, so absorbed in your own bubble that you don’t hear someone come in.

“The fuck is this, Steve?”

Fuck, Bucky. 

“Couldn’t you have been a little better at aiming your clothes? We’re all glad you’re finally together, but loud and untidy as well as sex in the common area? Come on.”

You can hear the humour in his words, but they do hold some sincerity, making you blush and chuckle. Next thing you know, your bra is being thrown at the pair of you, landing in Steve’s messed up hair.

“Thanks buck...” you say with a meek giggle, kissing Steve and removing your bra from his face.

“Round two? My room?” He suggests, eyebrows wiggling. 

“Promise you’ll let me clean you up first?!” You insist, kissing his shoulder and beaming at him. 

“Promise.”

[sylvarantii]

Kinda been itching to just play some retro games for the sake of going over things I might have missed when I was younger, so I found a "top 100 snes games" just to give different genres a try and see what I think.

At number 100 is Final Fight (1991) and it's basically a side scrolling beat 'em up. Fun enough to give a try. I did enjoy myself even if I didn't get very far since I couldn't get past Katana (the...second major boss, I think?)

Probably could've looked up a guide or something, but I don't like how old arcade games don't offer much of checkpoints after their "retry" screen. Yeah, I know it's for difficulty purposes, but still...eh, I just don't have the patience.

The plot is pretty simple. It opens with the leader of the Mad Gear Gang calling the mayor, Mike Haggar. They threaten Haggar with the life of his daughter, Jessica in order to blackmail him into letting criminals run wild and do as they please in the town that Haggar worked so hard to put a stop to.

Haggar ends up getting ahold of Jessica's boyfriend, Cody and the two go out to stop the gang.

Looking up the ending, it's pretty sweet. Nothing new or different, but sweet. It's basically just your average, "save the girl and stop the bad guy" kind of game.

The combat's fun though. I like that basically you can get pretty far with just keysmashing on the attack button since combos were never a strong point of mine.

Story: D: I was tempted to go with a C- because really the story isn't the focal point and it feels unfair to grade it so low, but also, I can't exactly grade it all that high either... Combat: B: Difficulty wasn't too high, which I prefer. The only thing I wasn't fond of is that sometimes when you get knocked down by an enemy, the characters take a long time to recover and then can get knocked down right after with little hope of countering or fighting back. I'm also rather fond of the jump kick attacks. Haha. Graphics: B-: I was considering a C, but I'm trying to be objective here and put personal tastes aside. There's a fairly nice variety in looks of the opponents. Both playable characters are a bit on the bland side, but considering Cody reminds me of Chris Evan's Steve Rogers in looks, I think the design might be a winner for a lot of people. That aside, the game has a pretty nice look to it. I think the backgrounds were nicely done. I did enjoy the Metro station area where you can watch the subway train move. I like how the screen even shakes. It's the little details that make a game even better. =)

Final Score: C+

Do I recommend it? Sure. It's one of those I feel like it can't hurt to give it a try, anyway. You don't even need to invest a lot of time into it, so it can't hurt to kill a few minutes with it.

[narkito]

Mcdanno, #39. Long distance relationship??

Thank you for giving me a prompt!! :D

This story takes place in the “Chosen” universe, but you needn’t have read that to understand this little piece. Hope that’s okay

–

Steve scrambles for the phone, jumping over the coffee table and almost landing on one of Charlie’s Lego structures.

“Yes, hello,” he pants into the receiver, as he plops down into the couch, his leg already sore from the exertion. “Hello?”

The line crackles, followed by, “hey, babe.”

Steve sits up, never minding his cramping leg. “Danno! How are you?”

“Better now that I’ve got a hold of you.”

“Awww, you really think that sounds romantic, don’t you? I pity your game.”

“Oi, I have ten minutes to use the phone, you sure you want to use it up insulting me?”

“Maybe?”

“Yeah, kinky, but, how about not.” Steve pouts in response, and Danny continues, “tell me, how are you? How are things? The leg? The kids? My parents? Did Nahele find his lucky socks, did we bring them from Hawaii? How about—

Steve blinks, adjusting to the change of pace. This is not how he envisioned a long-distance relationship with Danny.

“Okay, hold your horses there, more conversation, less interrogation, okay? The kids are fine, or as fine as they can be, your parents are lovely as usual, and absolutely delighted to have the kids around.”

Danny snorts (and it does not sound pretty over the phone).

“You’ve been dumping them with my Ma every week, huh?”

Steve takes a beat before answering, “dumping sounds harsh, it’s more like…”

“Sorry, giving them the opportunity to enjoy the kids on a semi-regular basis.”

“Yeah,” he nods to himself, “much more dignified, that works.”

Danny snorts again. Steve can almost see him shaking his head.

“But in all seriousness, Steve, how’s the leg?”

“It’s fine, Danno, much better than last time we saw each other. I’ve been doing PT and everything.” Steve strokes his thigh as he talks, remembering how it used to be less than a year ago. “Today I walked all the way from the kids’ school to your parents’ house.” Steve wiggles his eyebrows satisfied with his accomplishment.

“Oh, wow, that’s actually a lot more than I expected,” Danny says, a huge smile in his voice. “Congrats for you.”

“Thank you.” Steve answers, satisfied smile of his own dangling from his lips. “So, uhm, how’s your thing going, you adjusting to training well?”

“Uuuuh, yeah, people are, you know, a bunch of average joes for the most part, and a good part of them wash out in the first week, so I’m holding my ground, comparatively I’m okay.”

Oh, that’s code speak for I hate it, Steven, I hate it so much.

“Does that mean you’re objectively a klutz and your drill sergeant hates you?”

“Ha-ha, very funny. Naah, I’m fine, I’m five-oh, we know how to keep it cool and interesting, you know?”

“Riiiight, you bored out of your mind yet?”

“Maybe.” Steve can sense the way Danny shrugs only one shoulder and finds it endearing.

Next to the telephone, there’s a whole wall of salvaged pictures in mismatched frames. There’s a handful of people there he’ll never get to see again, whose voice he’ll never hear again. Some of them were gone way before They came, but some other, he just couldn’t save.

There’s a shift all around him, reality sets in, the strangeness of it. Danny deployed, Steve pining for his boyfriend, unable to help, still convalescent from his various wounds.

“Did they test you already?” Steve blurts out, unable to rein it all in, profoundly aware of how these things go, it is after all what he does as a “hobby” since Danny went; get as much information as he can on the situation. He couldn’t pretend the test wasn’t happening at some point, all people who present the gene and are clearly not wash-outs, are tested. Danny was bound to get tested as soon as the alliance could get their hands on him. His background as a LEO is a huge asset that can’t go ignored.

There’s a small fraction of a second where the line goes silent, and then it connects again.

“Yeah, yeah, no, sure, I mean, yeah. I got tested. A bunch of us did.”

Steve frowns, that’s Danny deflection 101.

“How was it?”

One more time, the line goes silent for less than a second.

“Hmm, uhmm, babe, look, I’m pretty sure this call’s been monitored and as you know we can’t really discuss… the process: it’s classified.”

Steve huffs. He hates that ultimately, he can’t truly know, because he’s not there.

“Sucks been told that, huh?” Steve rolls his eyes, trust Danny to keep grudges alive

for the better part of a decade. “Can’t believe it took a major world-wide disaster to get you back on that one.” Danny tries to keep it light, but even before he says it, Steve knows whatever Danny comments will fall flat.

There’s a short silence where neither of them talks, and Steve can hear the hub dub behind Danny—wherever he is. It sounds familiar in a disorienting way.

On more the one occasion he had told someone from outside to not purposefully make it hard on his team guys. His stomach clenches, and Steve takes a deep breath as he racks his brain for safe topics to talk about.

“How about the food? We can talk about that, right?” He exhales after the last word, ordering his body to relax.

Danny clicks his tongue. He knows what Steve’s up to, and he’s game.

“Oh, yes, we can! I don’t know what’s the deal with these guys, one week everything is delicious and hearty, makes you want to go for seconds and thirds, some seasoning has been so inspired it I use my free time trying to figure out the recipes.”

A distant memory flashes behind Steve’s eyes, Danny cooking back in Pikoii street, barefoot and carefree. Steve sniffs against his will and has to cover his mouth with the back of his hand as to not disturb Danny.

“And then for a few days or a whole week, bland crap, gruel, Steven, veritable gruel—makes me want to go in an involuntary diet. Yuck.”

Steve swallows thickly. “Sounds like regular military experience if you ask me, in fact, above regular, all I ate was gruel for the first four years of my service.”

“Nu-uh! Impossible, I know from a good source you were happy to eat rations in the comfort of your own home when good steak was readily available.”

Steve swallows again, tears spilling over his hands.

“It was Italian food actually,” he croaks.

“Even worse, babe, you’re really not helping your case.”

“What can I say, I get nostalgic sometimes.” He trips mentally on the nostalgia and a sob slips past his tight emotional control.

Danny sighs. Heartbroken as well.

“Babe, babe, Steve. I’m sorry, please don’t cry. I’m sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry about,” he sniffs.

“I know I just mean…”

“I know, I’m sorry too.”

“Look, I don’t mean to beat you while you’re down…” Danny trails off, but Steve can connect the dots.

“Basic training is extending then? You gonna be a specialist now?”

“Ugh, you’re killing me Steven. It’s cla—no, you know what, fuck this shit, whoever is out there screening my calls, you listen to me you son of a bitch,” Danny yell-whispers to the third party on the line. “I’m talking with my boyfriend right now, who I would have married if not for the giant clusterfuck we are all living through right now, he’s the father of my children and my best friend, so I’ll tell him whatever the fuck I want, you censor this call and I swear I’ll hunt you down and bash your head in, you hear me?!”

Steve chuckles wetly, this is the hothead he loves.

There's a soft clicking sound in the background. It sounds definitive. So, he chooses to believe the censor’s gone.

“You would have married me, huh?”

“Of course.”

“What if I said no.”

“Pfft, please, you were a sure thing.” Steve wants to protest, but Danny keeps talking

over him. “Look, now that the censor is gone. There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.”

“What?” Steve rushes to ask, fearing the worst.

“I love you.”

“I love you too. What else?”

“I miss you.”

“I miss you more. What else?”

“I already made it through basic and I’m being fast-tracked to pilot.”

Even though he suspected, having confirmation is like a punch to the lungs. No wonder the censor left, a pilot has different privileges, a pilot scares people away, even if they’re being hoisted as the only chance they have left.

“Steve, you there?”

“You’ve never been one to pull your punches.”

“No, I haven’t. Which is why, once I’m done with that I’ll be coming home for a whole month, okay?” Danny pleads, “I got special leave. I’ll be home for Christmas, okay?”

For Steve, it’s like the world’s ending all over again. The future path folding in on itself in front of him, rearranging into a yawning void made of the fearful and the unknown.

Christmas.

Christmas is only two months away. He can foresee his life up until Christmas. He can push through to that.

“Christmas it is.” He sniffles again.

“Yeah, Christmas. Look, I still have about five minutes on the line, why don’t you tell me about the kids, they adjusting well?”

More tears run down his face, but he talks. About homework, about tantrums, about movie nights, about burnt popcorn, about the kids begging to get a dog, about shortages of chocolate and coffee, about going insane with the bickering and the meaningless fights, about never doing so much laundry in his life, the herb garden Charlie and Nahele are doing together as a school project, Grace’s dissertation and newfound interest in nursing. Steve talks and talks, enough to carry Danny home, safe and sound, only two months away.

–

*beams* I’ve been wanting to expand this little verse forever, thank you again! :D

[fanficwriter013]

The Tower: Unexpected - 8

The Tower: Unexpected An Avengers Fanfic

Series Masterlist

Previous //

Pairing:  Avengers x ofc, Bruce Banner x Bucky Barnes x Clint Barton x Wanda Maximoff x Steve Rogers x Natasha Romanoff x Tony Stark x Thor x Sam Wilson x OFC (Elly Cooper)

Word Count: 2223

Warnings:  pregnancy, body image, smut (vaginal sex, pregnancy sex)

Synopsis: A little over 2 years after moving into the Avengers Tower, Elly finds herself pregnant against the odds.  While some are excited, others are terrified, and pregnancy that none expected to happen causes rifts through the group and threatens to end the relationship.  

Author’s Note:  Written with the ever amazing @avengerscompound​

Chapter 8: Clint

The next month, I was a little bit of a roller coaster.  My morning sickness got really bad.  I was throwing up multiple times a day and barely able to keep things down.  I still hadn’t even seen a hair of Bucky, Clint or Tony.  Hulk was still the Hulk.   There didn’t seem to be any indication that Bruce would return.  On top of that, I was growing out of all my clothes.

I had Wanda, Natasha, Steve, Sam, and the Hulk though.  They were doting on me a lot.  Sam was making sure I was eating.  If something set off my morning sickness, he’d make note of it and I wouldn’t see it again.  He made sure that every meal had what I needed even if it was something really bland so I could keep it down.

Natasha was being anal about all the doctor's orders.  She made sure I’d keep going to work and exercising without overdoing it.  That I took my anti-nausea medication and vitamins.  She kept me out of the public eye too.  She was pretty insistent that the press didn’t find out I was pregnant.

Steve was doing the same as Nat as far as the double-checking I’d taken my pills that day, but he was also a huge soft touch when it came to cravings.  If I said I felt like chimney cake, he’d go get me Chimney cake even though there were only two places in the whole city that sold it.

Wanda took me shopping for clothes and cuddled with me when I was low.  She was always there to hold my hair in the bathroom.  And if I really just didn’t want to follow the rules, she was the one that let me off.

Hulk was the one I went to if I really just wanted someone to be excited.  Wanda and Nat were excited about it too, but life moved on.  Hulk was always excited.  He’d light up when he saw me and want to touch my growing stomach.  He would tell me how he really wanted to feel them and when I told him we were naming one Pietro and I was thinking about Riley for the other, he got excited that they now had names.

So things were looking up in any case.  Not perfect but I didn’t feel so alone.  I didn’t feel like I was being foolish hoping the others would come back to me.

It was a Saturday afternoon and I was just sitting alone in the common room when Clint showed up.

Showed up is underselling it really.  He climbed down out of the vent above my head babbling like we were already in the middle of a conversation.

“Hey, El. I've been reading. And there are some things that I don't understand. Like, did you know that a fetus can have hiccups? How is that even possible.”

I was too shocked and amused to be upset with him.  It was such a Clint thing to do that I felt like I hadn’t lost him in the first place.  “Uh.. yeah.  Yep.  I've felt them.  It's weird.”

“The book also said they start to grow fingernails at about 10 weeks.”  He continued to babble, sitting down next to me and opening up a baby book full of multicolored tabs to a page and showing me a picture.

“So I read.  That's weird to think about.  I wonder if they scratch inside there.”  I said looking at the book more than the picture.  It was well worn and each tab was labeled with things like ‘hearing’ and ‘diabetes’ and ‘alien face’.

“Well, they're not as strong. So maybe you wouldn't feel it?”  He said looking from my stomach to the book and then back again.

“Oh yeah.  That makes sense.”  I said, closing the book and put it on the coffee table.  I looked at him and smiled.  “You've been reading up?”

“Yes,”  Clint said, grinning.  “I've done the reading that FRIDAY recommended for me. The margins have notes.”

I took his hand and started playing with his fingers.  They were so long and calloused.  You could always tell that Clint used his hands a lot.  “That's where you've been all this time?”

“I'm a slow reader?”  He said trying to play it off as a joke.

I frowned.  “I was starting to think I wasn't going to see you again.”

“You know that I dropped out of school and joined a circus right? The circus isn't exactly big on reading.”

“I know.  I know.”

“And these words, this topic. Slightly above my reading level.”  He said, turning away from me and rubbed the back of his head.

“Clint?”

He fidgeted where he sat.  “I know.  I’m sorry.”

I wrapped my arms around him, melting into him and smacked him upside the backside of the head.  “Don't scare me like that.”

“Yes, ma'am.”  He said wrapping his arms around me.

I took a breath and pulled back from him.  “Have you been talking to Nat?”

“About the twins?”

I relaxed again.  “Good.  And you’re okay?”

“The books say that twins make it harder for everyone.”  He said.

“Um... well I guess there's two of them.  I'll probably end up having to have a c-section too.  Which has risks.”  I said with a frown.

“Yeah, that's what I read.”  His hands had moved almost absentmindedly to my stomach and he ran them gently over the swell.

“But people have them all the time.  And while I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever actually see Tony again, he has got really good medical care happening.”  I reassured him, putting my hands on his.

“Don't worry about Tony,”  Clint said.  “I'll throw the book at him.”

“You’ve seen him?”  I asked.  I wasn’t sure what was worse.  If he had or if he hadn’t.  I was so worried about him being alone, but the thought he was being with everyone but me hurt like hell.

“I've made him my pet project,”  Clint said.  “He’s all; ‘I’m gonna be a bad dad.  My dad was terrible and I’m just like him’.  I’m trying to shake him out of it.”

“Oh good.  Thank you.”  I said though I’m pretty sure my voice didn’t exactly convey thanks.

“Because Bucky threw a knife at me.”

“Bucky threw a knife at you?”   I asked shocked.

“Yeah.”  He said as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

“He's being weird.  If it's just about his arm, why doesn't he get a new one.”  I said curling into myself.

“Is that an option?”  Clint asked.  “FRIDAY is that an option?  Can Elly see the scans?”

A holographic projection of Bucky’s arm and shoulder lit up in the middle of the table.  “Why couldn't he get a new one?  Tony could make him an arm, couldn't he? You can upgrade tech.”

Clint flicked the scan around to show the joints.  I stood and took a closer look at them.  They looked wrong.  Like they cared about the arm but not about the person they were attaching it too.  It looked like the muscles were tearing at the joint and there were raw nerve endings.  With the way he healed faster than average they must have been tearing and repairing constantly.  He must be in pain all the time.  “Now, I'm not a doctor. But something about these here, are fucked.”  Clint said.

“They definitely seemed to care about the arm more than Bucky.”  I agreed.

“Yeah, so something about it being a major surgery. And Tony won't do that without Bruce. And…”

“Yeah, but... and okay, granted this bit is fucked up and probably should have already been seen to, but ... okay... don't you guys know doctor Helen Cho?  Like isn't... didn't Vision get made with her cradle tech?”  I asked.  I knew a little bit of the history but not all of it.  So I wasn’t exactly sure why they hadn’t done that yet.

“Yeah,”  Clint said, with a hint of sarcasm in his voice.  “And Ultron tried to kill her. I'm not sure she'd work with us.”

“Well, in any case.... surely you can just take it off from here,”  I said indicating to about two inches below where the metal arm started.  “And just put new tech on the old connection.  Worry about the connection later.  Or just take it off.  If it stresses him out that much.”

“I'm not sure he thought about that,”  Clint said.  “And then that brings in the new set of issues in being able to protect his family.”

“Right,”  I said closing down the hologram.  I really didn’t have the energy to try and figure out how to fix Bucky’s arm.  I was far from an expert in that kind of thing anyway.  I turned and faced Clint.  “You're here?”

“I'm sitting here, right?”  He said.

“Yeah... but I don't know.  Look at this.”  I said and lifted my shirt up to show how big my stomach was getting already.

“You're cooking babies in there,”  Clint said putting his hands on either side of it.  “What did you expect to happen, El.”

“I don’t know, but … what if no one wants me like this or bigger?  Or it ruins my body?”  I asked.

He pulled me down into his lap.  “Come here, dummy.”

“You’re the dummy.”  I pouted.

“We love you, El.  Nothing’s gonna change that.”  He said.  “Plus, I think you look hot.”

I nuzzled into his neck, not wanting to look into his eyes.  “You know what else happens in pregnancy?”

“Is this the part where you tell me that the books weren't actually written by 15-year-old boys like I thought.”  He joked.

“They were not at all.”

He pulled back and looked into my eyes.  “Is that safe?  That's not a no. Just a genuine worry.”

“Yeah.  It's safe.  Everything is fine.”

“Well then…”   He said and pulled me into a hungry kiss.

He pulled back for just enough time to get my shirt off before we were kissing again and his hands roamed over my belly.  I turned to straddle his lap and cupped his jaw, holding him in place as we kissed.

I rocked my hips and could feel the way his cock hardened under me.  The problem was, my stomach kept pushing against his abs slightly painfully.

“Oh no.  This isn’t going to work.”  I said pulling back a little.

“Then we adapt.”  He said patting my thing.  “Turn around.”

“You don’t want to look at me?”

“Oh honey,”  Clint said, pressing a kiss to my forehead.  “You’re a mess.  A beautiful sexy, mess, who I most definitely want to have my way with.  I’m just trying to make it comfortable for you.”

“Oh, right,”  I said.  “Sorry.”

“Do you want to turn around?”  He asked.

I spun around in his lap and leaned back against him, grinding my ass in his lap.  “Yeah, this is better.”

“Plus, I can do this.”  He teased squeezing my breasts and sending a wave of pleasure through me.

“I do like that.”  I hum.

“I know you do.”  He said kissing my neck.  He kept squeezing and massaging my breasts and his hand down into my pants.  He palmed my cunt and I moaned as a dull tingle spread through me.  His fingers slipped between my folds and circled over my clit before pushing inside me.

He fingered me slowly as he sucked a patch on my throat and tugged on my nipple.  “Feels so good.”  I moaned.

“I know what my princess likes.”  He hummed.

“I want you inside me, Clint.”  I moaned.

He nudged me forward, pulling his hand from my cunt.  “Then there are still too many clothes on.”

I stood and pulled my pants down and off.   “That’s a nice view,”  Clint said, running his hand over my ass and pulling me back down into his lap.  He rutted his hips against me, his cock sliding up and down my pussy before he sunk into me.

“Oh god, that’s it.”  I moaned.

“Yeah, it is.”  He groaned.

I bounced in his lap as he massaged my tits and rubbed my clit.  Thanks to the pregnancy I was overwound and super sensitive.  It was like there was nothing he could do that was the wrong move.  Each thing sent wave after wave of pleasure through me.  I came.  The way my body clenched and shuddered around him seemed to spur him on more.  He started fucking up hard into me, snapping his hips against mine.  His fingers worked tight circles on my clit.  “Fuck.  Clint.  I can’t… I’m gonna…”  I babbled.

“That’s okay, princess.”  He purred, nipping at my earlobe.  “As many times as you like.”

I came again.  Followed by a third time.  My legs started trembling and I began to feel weak.  He held my hips and began to thrust up into me, and when I came again, so did he, spilling inside of me.

I relaxed back against him and he wrapped his arms around me and nuzzled into my neck.  “There you go.  See, I’m good at taking care of pregnant women.”

“Oh yeah?  How many have you taken care of?”  I laughed.

“Just you.  But I studied.  So … we’ll be okay.”

// NEXT

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

War of the Realms Strikeforce: Land of Giants Thoughts

This was recommended to me and I’m rather glad it was.

 I’ve said before that the best Marvel Team-Up story was in fact...Spider-Man vs. Wolverine. The intended irony of course being SvW executed MTU’s intentions better than any MTU issue itself ever did.

In a similar vein this story is perhaps the best New Avengers issue we’ve ever had, at least as far as Spider-Man was concerned.

Don’t get it twisted, I’m not saying this type of story should be the norm for Spider-Man, either in its setting or tone. Nor that New Avengers should’ve written Spider-Man like this every issue.

But in New Avengers Spider-Man seemingly existed 99% of the time to provide (bland) quips or ‘funny bits’ and otherwise to be a body to throw against bad guys along with everyone else. Little exploration of his character occurred, little use of his personality bouncing off of anyone else’s defined personality occurred. It didn’t help he often was in settings and stories Spider-Man doesn’t really belong in.

This issue weirdly follows in New Avengers footsteps as far as making Spider-Man the ‘funny guy’ and putting him in a setting he doesn’t belong in.

But unlike New Avengers stories this story goes further with that, brings in a dash of Spider-Man’s actual personality beyond being the quipper and embraces it’s premise.

As an ongoing this would probably suck. If this was in a main Spider-Man title it’d probably suck. If it was indeed outside of Spider-Man’s main title but still impacting upon him somehow it’d probably suck.

Because this issue is an odd duck in that it’s Spider-Man’s story but is not a Spider-Man  story if you see what I mean.

Allow me to clarify.

A Spider-Man story traditionally is street level, grounded, personal, revolves around more relatable issues and the like. You see where I am getting at.*

This story is nothing like that. Spider-Man’s primary relationship is with a talking flying horse for God’s sake!

However because the story is from Spider-Man’s POV it is in essence his story.

And Taylor (of the current FNSM run fame) does a deft job with the assignment.

By making this a one shot that isn’t even labelled as a Spider-Man story it alleviates expectations from readers. It in essence makes it okay we are seeing a story about Spider-Man talking to a magic horse queen.

It also helps that the whole story doesn’t take itself too seriously. Unlike Bendis’ brand of quips for quips sake, inserting them into serious situations where they didn’t belong, Taylor hits what I call ‘the One Piece sweet spot’.

One Piece is a popular manga/anime franchise from Japan. It is an epic adventure full that strikes a deleicate balance between something of a gag machine, an action thriller and a heartbreaking tragedy.

The gags allow you to accept the absurdity of something like Spider-Man, Cap, Wolverine, Luke Cage and Iron Fist riding flying horses to fight Frost Giants. By rights this isn’t really the best setting or type of story for any of these characters but the gags allow you to go with it.

But there is just the right amount of pathos and gravitas and action at the right moments for there to be a level of genuine emotion to resonate with you.

You go from:

“Oh my God Spider-Man is befriending a talking flying horse queen. That’s so absurd it’s awesome”

To:

“*sob* The talking flying horse queen died. I’m so sad right now”

I think the secret ingredient holding this together is the fact that

a)      It’s Spider-Man himself who’s the focus character and

b)      His narration is a framing device, specifically one addressed to MJ

Spider-Man is a less gritty character compared to Luke, Danny, Steve or Logan. Of them he’s the least likely to kill and the least likely to be described as a warrior (though he is one of a fashion).

He’s the most like us basically, thus this specific setting, in spite of it being so far removed from traditional Spider-Man fare, works well to emphasis the relatability at the core of the character.

He doesn’t want to fight in a war. He’s the least at home there arguably. After all Cap and Wolverine are clear cut veterans. Danny is a trained warrior and Luke knows what it is to grow up trying to survive desperately.

This isn’t in disparagement of Peter, but rather it places him in a more sympathetic position, akin to a soldier far from home, not wanting to be there, uneasy about his presence on foreign ground, unsettled by the violence of war and trying to keep going by focussing his memories on his ‘girl back home’. Taylor found a way to bring in the ‘normal Average Joe’ aspect of Spider-Man into a setting where by rights it has no place, a setting which doesn’t invite ‘Peter Parker’ but rather just generic superhero Spider-Man.

That’s another way in which this story is weirdly connected to SvW actually. In that story Peter was also unsettled by violence, ruminating on MJ and thrown off kilter by a new unfamiliar setting and gets an up close look at death. Of course death is no stranger to Spider-Man, but a death amidst battle is a little different to something like Gwen Stacy or Uncle Ben’s death.

There is another connection though, and as obvious as it is to spell out...it’s Wolverine. This story could hardly be called a Spider-Man/Wolverine story but this story does bounce them off of one another very well. Wolverine is something of a shit stirrer who messes with Spider-Man and doesn’t wholly take him seriously (in character for him). Spider-Man is meanwhile uses him as the straight man to his humour. But there is an element of respect between them with Wolverine clearly empathising with Peter’s grief over Arctorius. This adds up, not only because Logan has seen much death in his long life, but because he has a kinship with the animal kingdom and understands all too well the loss of a comrade in arms.

So does Cap, who also shows a little empathy after Arctorius’ death. Indeed Peter and Steve’s relationship, whilst it doesn’t go as far as it could, is done quite well because Peter’s respect and admiration for Cap is clear cut and Cap gets what kind of person Peter is. Him recommending a shield is a small, obvious, yet very nice moment between the two that in a way speaks volumes.

Luke and Danny don’t share much with Spider-Man in the story but along with Logan and Cap are great inclusions in relation to Spider-Man.

Cap and Logan are soldiers who in a way are larger than life. You could see them as older brothers to Spider-Man but one who looks after you and the other likes you but trolls you too. Danny and Luke meanwhile are more street level guys like Peter. Any of these guys wouldn’t be bad options for a Spidey team up story and all are out of place in this setting. But when put together their ‘out of placeness’ works.

Helping things along is that the action is decent enough, Spider-Man’s shield attack being the clear cut highlight.

Arctorius is of course the highlight though. In a few pages Taylor makes you invest in this ridiculous concept and character and buy her relationship with Spider-Man. Thus her death and the issue’s end is poignant and resonates nicely, sad as it is.

As a final pro, Spider-Man is referred to as a jester.

This is actually a decent way of reconciling Spider-Man into a high fantasy setting. I prefer JMS’ idea of Spider-Man as the ‘trickster’ but jester works well. Even Thor in older stories has observed Spider-Man’s humour is a mask for his insecurities and Arctorius’ labelling him a jester isn’t derisive. He’s a jester warrior.

Now it ain’t perfect.

I’m no Iron Fist expert so I don’t know how fair this is, but I feel Danny was written a bit too comedic in this story to the point of being out of character.

Additionally when it came time for everyone to list of their berserker rages Spider-Man’s fell flat. It’s played off as Spider-Man is just too nice and wholesome to have such rages when there is a clear history of him having them. Death of Gwen Stacy anyone? In isolation it was a decent if predictable joke, but it’s not true to Spider-Man’s history. You could always No. Prize it but I feel it came off more like Taylor not remembering or thinking through the dialogue.

All in all I highly recommend this issue as a fun detour. It deserves your money more than League of Realms.

 *Now there can be exceptions like the JMS run, but he was wise enough to temper the magic and mysticism by grounding it in more a more relatable setting most of the time or connected to more clearly defined Spider-Man topics and subject matter. For example a mystically empowered villain abducted children to the Astral plane prompting Spider-Man to go there and save them. Sounds out of place right? Well yes but the villain in question is a common crook who got lucky, he’s abducting Peter’s underprivileged students, Spidey needed to do regular street level investigation to figure out the guy’s game and saving the kids made him miss a date with MJ.

[darringauthier]

Seized (2020)

Genre: Action

Who's In It: Scott Adkins, Mario Van Peebles, Karlee Perez, Steve Edler

Who Directed It: Isaac Florentine

Plot: A former special forces agent's son is kidnapped and must now wipe out three dangerous crime syndicates, if he wants to see his son alive again.

Run Time: 85 Minutes

IMDB Score: 5.2

Why I Watched It: Simple answer Scott Adkins

How I Watched It: Netflix Canada

Random Thoughts: One of my favorite sub-genres in all of film is the Action B-Movie, in the old days it was directed to video, then direct to DVD and now it's directed to VOD. However you cut it done right they're always a lot of fun and you only did a couple of things to make them right and the most important is a solid action lead and for me right now Scott Adkins is right at the top, there's a few good ones working today but Adkins is my favorite. I will say he's getting older and you can see he's being smarter about what and how much action he does.

Also that poster is pretty good, just saying.

What I Liked: I've seen a lot of Scott Adkins movies and sadly when they're bad well yup they're really bad and I went into this one thinking it was a cookie cutter cliched action film and it is but it's fun and I was surprised by it and I shouldn't have been. This film has three good things going for it, one is the team of Adkins and Florentine when ever they team up you have a chance of a cool action flick and even when's it's not great it's still watchable. The second thing is Mario Van Peebles, who stole the movie for me. He's just having fun and he's so charismatic and smooth you have to cheer for him. He also gets to play one of my favorite action characters a bad guy who might not be all bad and the movie might have someone worse than him. The third thing the film has is pacing and tone, the film is under 90 minutes and it's tight and it has a good upbeat tempo to it.

The action is good not great but there's a couple of cool sequences, the film is fun as Adkins has these chores to do and everyone is a bit different with a different location so it keeps the pace quick and you don't get bored.

What I Didn't Like: The film is very cliched and it's action 101 and I have to say Adkins is a little bland and to be honest he's played this role many times before but he's Scott Adkins so I'm on board. I just wished he had more to play with it especially in contrast to Van Pebles who chews the scenery and gets to big big and loud.

The whole kidnapped son and the relationship between him and his father played by Adkins is very by the book so much so I've seen this same dynamic at least a hundred times before. I also wished Adkins and Van Peebles had more scenes together they mostly talk on the phone. I will give Van Peebles a lot of credit for not sitting down the whole time while on the phone, this guy is always moving and always doing something.

Final Verdict: It's not a great film but I enjoyed it and it's above average for this kind of film and at least the actors and director tried and it shows.

Rating: 6/10

[cloudy-johnnycade]

the outsiders and their ability to wrap presents

idk where i got this idea but its happening so here you go steve: -he has,,,his own method -it gets the job done -not correctly -but done soda: -he doesn't really know how tbh -he's been taught a million times but always forgets -sometimes gets someone else to do it for him bc he's like that -always uses the most obnoxious wrapping paper he can find ponyboy: -PRESENT WRAPPING GOD -how this boy learned to wrap so well, no one knows -v neat and aesthetic -fancy ribbons n stuff darry: -average -never goes over the top -it's neat though -bland ass wrapping paper johnny: -well he tries -really hard -still not very good -BOWS AND RIBBONS dally: -thats funny -he has NO CLUE how -you're lucky if you get a present from him in general -if you do, it would be a miracle if its wrapped at all two-bit: -he does not know how -at all -so his gifts are very poorly wrapped -uses wayyy too much tape so it's like impossible to open

[your-friendly-neighborhood-sc00t]

Ben 10 Reboot Review/Rant

aka: Why This Show Sucks

aaka: 333 Follower Milestone Special

Ah, how I have absolutely dreaded the day I have to write this review, or at least start writing it. Your boy Sc00t here, and welcome to my review of the Ben 10 Reboot.

Also, y'all too good to me, can’t believe over 300 people actually follow me and like seeing my trash. Thank you all for following, and I hope you guys continue to enjoy the content on my blog, ^^

I’ve been putting this off for quite some time now, for obvious reasons, but it’s time to finally crack down on this shit.

So, surprisingly, I actually did something I NEVER DO for shows I don’t like,

I actually watched multiple episodes for the sake of this review, DESPITE how painful it was to watch. I didn’t wanna judge it based on one or two episodes, so instead, I saw FOUR.

Yup, almost an hour of this horrendous show, just to write a stupid review.

There’s ALOT to cover here, so I’ll try to do it in an orderly fashion, and try to address all of the various issues this show has. For now, let’s start off with:

1: The Length of the Episodes Ben 10 OS (Original Series), AF (Alien Force), UA (Ultimate Alien), and OV (Omniverse), despite their differences, all had one thing in common:

All the episodes were a good 22 - 25 minutes long. This allowed plots to develop and flow at a steady and reasonable pace, nothing was rushed, and more effort was put into the production of them.

In the Reboot episodes average at 11 minutes, like a Spongebob episode, which results in a shitty premise having to move along quickly just to make with the little time they have. This was also very obviously done to save money, 11-minute episodes with simplistic, shitty plots are significantly easier to produce that 24-minute episodes with proper pacing and decent/good plots. Short running time + incredibly cheap animation = profit and easy mass production of trash.

2: The Pacing

As I’m sure you can tell, the pacing of each individual episode is GARBAGE, it moves along so fast, that if you’re not paying full attention to the show, you actually won’t know what the fuck’s happening at all. And the running time isn’t actually the problem at all. We’ve seen shows convey their plot efficiently with the same exact running time, just watch any episode from the first three seasons of SpongeBob, and you’ll know precisely what I’m talking about.

3: The Animation

The animation in this show is the WORST we’ve seen in the franchise, it’s just so simplistic, flat, uninspired, and just down-right stiff at times. Action sequences just don’t flow well at all, and the designs of each and every character looks like it was slapped together in just a few minutes. I mean, just compare to ANY of the previous series’ animation, compare to other cartoons, and then just see it for what it is, and you’ll find that no matter how you look at it, it’s fucking terrible, and LAZY.

4: Forgettable Villains

The various antagonists that appear throughout the series are bland, poorly designed, and are just so damn forgettable. I can’t even remember one name of any one villain from this show. They never left any sort of impact on me at all, and there isn’t anything even remotely interesting about them. The original series had many memorable and interesting antagonists, that had well fleshed out personalities and goals. Vilgax, Kevin, Hex, Charmcaster, Dr. Animo, Ghostfreak, and all these other foes that Ben faced off against posed a real, genuine threat to him, and here lies another problem. The Reboot’s “antagonists” are not intimidating in the slightest, and actually don’t serve as a true threat to Ben at ALL. They’re pathetic to watch, really.

5: Max is Irrelevant

In the Original Series, Max was an extremely prominent character, and was often just as involved in the plot of the episode as Ben and Gwen were, and the plot twist at the end of Season 1 where it was revealed that Max is a Plumber and that he fought Vilgax in the past was a great plot point and reveal, it added more depth to his character, and made him more interesting. But in the Reboot, he is almost entirely absent in some episodes. Basically he’ll just show up at the beginning of an episode, preach about some moral that Ben completely ignores, and then just is either hardly shown, or not shown at all for the rest of the episode. He’s become irrelevant, and doesn’t affect the narrative of the story at all, He doesn’t play any sort of significant role at ALL.

6: Gwen and Ben’s relationship

One of the shittiest decisions made in the design of the show, was to completely fuck up the well-established dynamic of Ben and Gwen, in the Original Series, they’re two cousins who constantly bicker and sass eachother, but they clearly cared for one another, and had many tender and compassionate moments that effectively fleshed out their love for one another. Gwen was also the more rational-thinking and logical of the two, and never actually supported Ben’s utter stupidity or rash decisions. Reasonably so, in the sequel series’ they’ve matured and have grown out of their constant arguing and sass, but still tease each other from time to time. In the Reboot, however, Gwen, more often-then-not, completely INDULGES Ben in his poor decision-making and stupidity, to the point where I’d say she’s nearly as ignorant and doltish as he is. Gwen is simply far too nice and encouraging to Ben, which utterly destroys the original dynamic portrayed in previous series’

7: The Aliens

With all the painful problems with this god forsaken show, I almost forgot to talk about one of the most important parts. The.

Aliens.

They just look so fucking shitty in the new animation style, and some of the new design choices for them just make absolutely no sense. Like, why is Upgrade PURPLE instead of GREEN? The Omnitrix is black, green, and white, so it, y'know KIND OF JUST MAKES SENSE FOR UPGRADE TO BE THESE COLORS. And why the fuck is Stinkfly some stupid-ass looking bug-themed Superhero? Why doesn’t he ACTUALLY RESEMBLE SOME TYPE OF BUG. It just makes no sense, why these things were changed. And to be perfectly honest, one of my favorite Aliens from the Original Series, Ripjaws, was actually taken out from the roster in exchange for Overflow, or Waterhazard, or whatever the hell that water-themed fuck is named. He’s a bland Alien that should’ve never even been involved in this series to begin with, he wasn’t part of the Original 10. ANOTHER, issue with the Aliens is the voice-acting, alot of them are actually portrayed by voice actors I like, John DiMaggio, Greg Cipes, Josh Keaton, Travis Willingham, etc. But the thing is, their voices, don’t even fit them, at all, so whatever they spout out of their mouths, just sounds awful. In all previous series’ the Aliens’ VAs fit them perfectly, and alot of them had some pretty badass voices. Basically, when you assign a VA to a character, it has to sound as if that voice could ACTUALLY come from that character. If the voice isn’t matching the face, then we have a clear issue. It’s not so much as the voice acting is bad in the Reboot, but it’s just doesn’t fit with the Aliens. But interestingly enough, they were sure to find the worst possible voice actor they could find for my favorite of them all, Heatblast. His voice used to be so fucking badass, and that was because he was voiced by Steve Blum, a veteran VA, the voice fit the character PERFECTLY. In the Reboot however? They got some fucking Disney Channel actor, Daryl Sabara. I didn’t even know of this guy’s EXISTENCE, until I looked at the cast of the Reboot. This guy’s, voice is incredibly obnoxious and irritating, which is the EXACT OPPOSITE OF HEATBLAST’S VOICE IN FOREGOING SERIES’. One more thing I’d like to point out, was them switching Wildmutt out for Wildvine, again, this is another decision that makes no sense. WILDVINE WAS NOT PART OF THE ORIGINAL 10, he doesn’t even show up in way later in the Original, so why is he replacing one that was at the very start of the series? AND FINALLY, we come to our last issue. The transformations are pathetically animated, it genuinely looks as if he is being covered in some large alien suit, IT DOESN’T look as if he’s actually BECOMING that alien, and that’s a big problem when he’s supposed to, y'know be literally morphing into them.

8: Stiffness

One thing to notice throughout various episodes, is that conversations, and the overall voice acting, feel really stiff, and carry absolutely no weight, kind of like a piece of cardboard. There are even extended scenes of pointless dialogue that don’t affect or further the plot of the episode, in any sense of the word.

9: The Intro

Ben 10 (2016) has without a doubt the least amount of effort put into it’s Intro. You see some green asteroid “crash” into Earth, suddenly you see Ben wearing the Watch, he slams it. And we see the 10 Aliens, introduced in a similar, but poorly executed fashion. We hear “BEN 10” being chanted in the background for a solid 11 seconds. Suddenly we see Ben giving Gwen and Max low-fives, and then runs forward.

End of Intro

Now, does it sound like I described alot of shit? Not really, right? That’s because nothing actually happens in this intro, it conveys nothing, and is just lazily slapped together. I remember the Original Series’ intro, it was a catchy theme song that quickly explained the premise of the show in it’s first 18 seconds. The intro goes on and shows actual interesting shit, like Ben transforming into some Aliens, and some nice visuals. The Reboot’s intro shows us the bare minimum of what they could ACTUALLY be showing us, instead of them quickly jumping on screen for a tenth of second, why not illustrate at least one of their abilities with a short clip? The Original’s does this incredibly well in the last 10 seconds, briefly showing us the capabilities of some of the Aliens with incredibly short clips, you could actually be impressed by what you were witnessing. The Reboot’s intro is just so mundane, and devoid of any sort of interesting material, and it’s the only intro in the franchise that’s SLOW-PACED. All of the previous entries’ intros have been fast-paced. And while you may consider Ultimate Alien’s to be slow, it quickly scrolls through a large variety of Aliens while playing epic music, that’s fast enough, and certainly impressive enough for me. The Reboot’s intro is in-fact, so bad, that when my sister watched it, she actually started LAUGHING. And when you’re cackling at an intro that is CLEARLY not trying to be funny, well then, you’ve got a pretty shitty opening.

10: Ben’s Character

Okay, now I know Ben has always done stupid shit in all of his incarnations. However, his character seems ridiculously dumbed down in the Reboot, and he just seems as mindless as ever, in the other series’ we saw how he wasn’t always a goofball kid, he took himself and those around him seriously at times, and we were able to respect him as a character for these moments. Like in Alien Force, in the episode: “The Gauntlet”, there’s a scene where Ben stands up to Cash, not by using force, or the Omnitrix, but with words, he simply calmly and intelligently calls him the fuck out, and walks away. It was a well-written moment, and showed a deeper, more mature side of Ben. And in the episode “Framed”, where Ben doesn’t finish off Kevin even when he has the perfect opportunity to do so, knowing that he isn’t worth it, and showing a more compassionate side, even to a dangerous enemy. Ben doesn’t have any moments like this at all in the Reboot, and it really takes away from his character, he essentially becomes a one-dimensional character, that really doesn’t have any defining characteristics outside of being a goofball kid.

The Verdict:

Ben 10 (2016) is a clear attempt to appeal to a much younger audience, of what Man of Action assumes to be 6 year olds with short attention-spans that don’t give a flying fuck about depth, good animation, and proper storytelling. This show wasn’t made with any genuine thought or care, it was made to sell toys, and make money, while utilizing as little resources and time as possible. Not only does this show fail as a Ben 10 cartoon, it fails AS a cartoon in of itself. It insults every aspect of what makes good animation and a good show, and is just disgusting as a product. And I’m afraid that the only positive thing I am capable of saying about this show is that it isn’t Breadwinners, and that’s about it. So, yeah, don’t watch this show.

End of Review/Final Words Anyway I hope you all enjoyed this review, (if you even read it) and I know I’m late as fuck on reviewing this steaming pile of horse shit, but I promised it months ago, so I wanted to get it out for you guys, plus, I was in the mood to get pissed about something, and believe it or not, I actually enjoy writing these, they’re fun for me, and I hope they’re fun for you to read as well. And if you disagree with every little thing I said, and you ACTUALLY enjoy this show. Then that’s perfectly fine, you’re entitled to your own opinion, and your own interests, but I wanted to get mine out in the open, so I hope you can respect my opinion as I will respect yours. What other reviews can you expect from me in the future? Well, I currently have two game reviews in the works, but it may be quite some time before they are done, considering how incredibly lazy I am. But who knows? I’m sure I’ll find something else I hate, and either review or give my thoughts on it in the future.

Once again, if you actually made it to the end of this review, I heavily appreciate you taking time out of your day just to read me bitch about some stupid cartoon.

And I’ll see ya around, :P

[terriblygrimm]

omg it kills me that the winter soldier was supposed to be a ghost story that most of the ~intelligence~ (snort) community didn't believe existed, yet he literally makes everything so obvious and average people recognize who he is!!! 🤣🤣🤣 peak comedy 🤡 but yea i miss badass bucky who wasn't a dumbass in missions or in general tbh.

DUDE YESSSSSSSS thank you for sending this and agreeing w me!!! it’s wild!!!!! like what!!!!! i miss our old bucky so much!!!! the power the presence the softness he had all rolled into one!!!! it just shows me the ppl who handled this particular marvel installment just... missed the mark w him entirely.

he had such solid characterization up until this point, it didn’t even matter how small his part was! his involvement in the main trajectory was so tastefully done and so was his growth. the acting was great. he had such a vibe. whether he was bucky or tws. then tf.atws came and it all crashed and burned lmao.

bucky was such a bland, clumsy, unremarkable and unlikable dudebro in this show just 🤢. i get that they wanted to highlight sam, but they still couldve done that by giving him the hand-to-hand scenes, bringing him to the forefront, while highlighting the skills bucky has that make him unique like his spy capabilities! that way they wouldn’t have competed or compared to one another but still showed the other as useful and vital to this “team” unit they so desperately tried to sell to the audience. a new steve & natasha type. but they failed monumentally lol. they dont realize how one small misstep diminishes all of their previous films.

tbh i’m convinced they legit just made this show for laughs due to the actor’s chemistry and real life friendship together. because if they’re being sincere here and intend to carry thru with this “new”, average, foreversidekick nohomo bucky ... i’ma peace lmao

[douchebagbrainwaves]

EVEN IF THE BIG CORPORATIONS HAD WANTED TO PAY PEOPLE PROPORTIONATE TO THEIR VALUE, THEY COULDN'T HAVE FIGURED OUT HOW

It's like saying something clever in a conversation as if you'd thought of it in these terms, but the result of making college the canonical path for the ambitious was a world in which it would be to make the original Silicon Valley. Wait, it gets worse. Even if the big corporations had wanted to pay people proportionate to their value, they couldn't have figured out how. That's why I write them. The real reason we started Y Combinator. An amusing cartoon takes less. So please, get on with it. Instead of delivering what viewers want, they're trying to force them to change their habits to suit the networks' obsolete business model. 064. It's the architectural equivalent of a home-made aircraft shooting down an F-18.

We'll end up calling these things is tablets. In some business relationships, you do implicitly solicit certain kinds of mail. To what extent were computers a precondition? I suspect this kind of thinking was. It also reminds you that there is a great deal more experience and motivation. The x in Ajax is from the XMLHttpRequest object, which lets the browser communicate with the server in the background. The way to become an expert on your users and the problem gets worse. If the players have the usual distribution of ability, the 21st best. Ever since it started to erode in the 1970s, we've seen the underlying forces at work here. Economically, it decreased variation in income. I could send him back to fifteenth century Florence to explain in person to Leonardo & Co. This concept is a simple one and yet seeing it as a tablet small enough to hold up to your ear.

The good news is that the concepts we use in everyday life are fuzzy, and break down if pushed too hard. The most important is distance. Building My E-Commerce Web Site, that's spam. 8568143 very 0. But I had some more honest motives as well. A couple weeks ago I tried displaying the names of users with the highest average comment scores in orange. The cheery, bland language of the office is replaced by wicked humor. Because I never took the first drink. The test of utility I propose is whether we cause people who read what we've written to do anything differently afterward.

But not all young professionals benefitted. I don't know another as counterintuitive as startup investing. Well, there are ways to decrease its effects. They give employees who do great work large grants of stock to give him. You're worrying about construction delays at your London office instead of the original. This is one case where it pays to be self-perpetuating. Some made their fortunes by creating wealth, certainly. So whatever it costs to establish a mediocre university, for an additional half billion or so you could have a great one. Viaweb. So what you're trying to make immigration easier because they say they can't find enough programmers in the US are also big tourist destinations, like New York will pay a fortune for a small, dark, noisy apartment in order to live in the future.

They won't be offended. How was the place different from what they expected? And in addition to the direct cost in time, there's the cost in fragmentation—breaking people's day up into bits too small to be useful. The creative class flocks to a handful of executives, politicians, regulators, and labor leaders. Content-based spam filtering is often combined with a whitelist, a list of potential exam questions and work out the answers in advance. The average office is a miserable place to get work done. Thought you should check out the following: http://www. People just produce whatever they want on it, and even blogging in some cases, are so important.

The startup hubs in the US, as in all the other ways to arrange that relationship. The level of conversation on News. From each according to his need. Still, anyone who proposes a plan for spam filtering has to be able to bring ourselves to take risks proportionate to the returns in this business. The most famous example is probably Steve Wozniak, who originally wanted to build microcomputers for his then-employer, HP. News. What should you think about a lot, and you want to sell your company right now?

Thanks to Marc Hedlund, Trevor Blackwell, and Aaron Iba for sharing their expertise on this topic.

[stephmolliex]

Apple's revolutionary iMac is 20 years old, and still going strong

The iMac is the machine that famously saved Apple back in 1998 -- but it didn't stop there. Rarely standing still, it has kept at the forefront of Apple design, yet today's iMac has the same design goals it always has. AppleInsider looks back at the beginning of the line, all the way to today. iMac: The origin The story of the iMac is well known. Shortly after Steve Jobs returned to Apple and then took over the interim CEO chair in 1997, he commissioned a new signature Apple computer for the consumer market. This computer would be simple to use, and connect easily to the Internet. It would also look unlike anything Apple or any of its competitors had ever made before. That computer, the original iMac, became Apple's most successful product in years. The mixture of beautiful design and functionality not only stabilized the company, but set Apple on the path to its greatest successes in the early part of the new century. The first iMac was introduced in May of 1998 and arrived on the market on August 15 of that year. This is the story of how the iMac came together and what it became. iMac Origins The first mention of the iMac came when Steve Jobs said at its May 6, 1998 announcement that it "comes from the marriage of the excitement of the Internet with the simplicity of Macintosh. Even though this is a full-blooded Macintosh, we are targeting this for the #1 use consumers tell us they want a computer for, which is to get on the Internet, simply and fast." The idea was that Apple needed to make a big splash with its first computer upon Jobs' return to the company. The goals included making a machine that could easily connect with the Internet, that would achieve something close to "plug and play" functionality. A product that would get people talking about Apple again. Apple came up with a form factor drastically different from the PCs that were popular at the time. But, at the same time, it was reminiscent of Apple's all-in-one Mac line that it introduced in 1984. The original iMac was the first major Apple product designed by newly appointed Senior Vice President of Industrial Design Jony Ive, who has been the top designer for all of the company's products ever since. And, the machine's unique look was a major part of the selling of the iMac. The iMac has often been described as "candy colored," and that's not a coincidence. Ive told an interviewer at the time that he actually consulted with candy industry professionals while designing the iMac. "The translucent resin presented a problem because of the high volume of products we needed to produce," Ive told the Australian magazine PC and Tech Authority. "We had to make sure that the colour and level of translucency were exactly the same in the first computer and every one thereafter." "This led us to finding a partner who does a lot of work in the candy industry, because a lot of candies are translucent," added Ive. "These guys have so much experience in how you control the compounding and a great understanding of the science of colour control." There was also some negativity, directed at the PCs leading the market at the time. In his keynote, Jobs ripped the incumbent PCs, especially Dell's, denouncing them as sporting "crummy displays" and adding that "these things are ug-ly." And in a series of advertisements, featuring actor Jeff Goldblum, Apple questioned why computer design had been so unimaginative in the years before the iMac. "Do you ever ask anybody what their favorite color is?," Goldblum asked in one of the ads. "How many times do they say beige'? Never. Because it's one of the worst colors. It's hardly even a color, it's like oatmeal or sand. There's nothing -- it's beige, it's boring, it's bland. "Now, computers- why, in heaven's name, have the people who have made computers before never done anything but beige? That's nuts! Have they been in thinking jail?" What's in a name? The ads were created by Apple's longtime creative firm of TBWA/Chiat/Day, under the auspices of creative directors Lee Clow and Ken Segall. Segall plays another important part in the history of the iMac, beyond just the advertising. According to his own autobiography, he gave the iMac its name. As Segall wrote in his book, Insanely Simple: The Obsession That Drives Apple's Success (excepted in Fast Company), Segall and the other ad people were summoned to Cupertino in the spring of 1998 to see the new computer, which was meant to fulfill the promise of their "Think Different" advertising campaign of the previous year. According to Segall, Jobs had planned to call the device "MacMan," but had challenged the creative team to come up with a better name that that. While acknowledging that "MacMan" had been Phil Schiller's idea, Jobs asked the admen to include "Mac" in the name, while also emphasizing its Internet capability. Going by Jobs' instructions, Segall says he came up with "iMac." "It seemed to solve all the problems at once. It was clearly a Mac," Segall wrote. "The 'i' conveyed that this was a Mac designed to get you onto the Internet. It was also a perfectly succinct name-just a single letter added to the word 'Mac.' It didn't sound like a toy and it didn't sound portable." "Using the word Mac' in the product name was more of a revolution than you might realize," said Segall. "At that time, Macintosh' had yet to be shortened to a more colloquial "Mac" in the name of any Apple computer. For simplicity and minimalism, 'iMac' seemed to be perfect." Jobs replied that he hated all of the names and preferred MacMan, but further back and forth led to "iMac" carrying the day. Of course, Segall also noted that the use of the "i" could later be adapted to future Apple products. Which, of course, it was. The reception The iMac arrived on the market in August of 1998, and the reception was positive. Walt Mossberg, then of the Wall Street Journal, raved about the iMac, starting his review with "these words are being created on the coolest-looking personal computer I've ever used. It's a handsome two-tone devil, sort of blue-green and off-white, tapered at the rear, with a crisp, built-in 15-inch monitor and internal stereo speakers." The influential consumer tech critic went on to say that "the boldest Macintosh model Apple Computer has rolled out since the 1980s." Audiences responded to the product too. After years of Apple's computers languishing in the market share rankings, the iMac was the number one selling personal computer in the quarter that comprised the 1998 holiday season. That was according to PC Data statistics, cited by the New York Times. At the time, the iMac sold for an average price of $1,224. But when it came to the iMac, there was much more to come. Criticism started here too That included criticism for what the iMac lost and in retrospect, this was the start of a recurring trend. Apple drops some hardware features, it is decried for doing so and pronounced doomed, then everyone else drops them too. The New York Times was chiefly positive about the iMac but heavily criticized its lack of a floppy drive -- and the ability to connect a printer. You could buy a $70 adapter or you could wait for Hewlett Packard's newly announced USB printed to ship. "This is a double whammy because there is no way to take a disk from the iMac and use it to print on someone else's machine," the Times cautioned. "Most of the consumers Apple is trying to appeal to live in a world where floppy disks are important." The technology press, which you'd imagine would be more interested in future developments, had some conservative reactions -- and over-reactions. "Apple will never be the great company it could've been," wrote Hiawatha Bray in the Boston Globe in 1998. (Article requires subscription.) "The iMac will only sell to some of the true believers. It's an astonishing lapse from Jobs, who should've learned better. The iMac is clean, elegant, floppy-free and doomed." Usually this kind of criticism quietens down when sales figures are great and the iMac's were spectacular. Reportedly it sold 278,000 sold in its first six weeks, rising to around 800,000 by the end of 1998. According to Jobs biographer Walter Isaacson: "Most notably, 32 percent of the sales went to people who were buying a computer for the first time, and another 12 percent to people who had been using Windows machines. On April 19, 2001, Apple announced that it had shipped its 5 millionth iMac. "Simply put, the iMac has redefined the consumer and education computer," said Jobs at the time. Perhaps unable to resist a nod to original criticisms, he added that the iMac had brought in: several industry firsts including USB, FireWire, desktop movies, wireless networking, quiet fan-less operation and world-class design." Leadership in colors Yet it was design that Apple that was being both praised and mocked for. The original iMac had been available only in what Apple called Bondi blue but that soon changed. In 1999, Jobs announced five new iMacs in the colors blueberry, lime, strawberry, grape and tangerine. In 2000, those were replaced by indigo, ruby, sage, graphite and snow. Then in early 2001, ruby, sage and snow were out and patterns were in -- this was when the Flower Power and Blue Dalmation iMacs were released. There were many technical improvements and updates to the iMac over this time. But, it was the color that Apple concentrated on and it was the color that failed to impress Bill Gates. Speaking a year after all of these colors were introduced, and eight months after the 5 millionth iMac was sold, Gates still trashed Apple in regards to the iMac. He was at a January 2002 gathering of financial analysts in Seattle and spoke to the point of both Apple's success and how it was now producing iMacs in many colors. "The one thing Apple's providing now is leadership in colors," he said. "It won't take long for us to catch up with that, I don't think." Isaacson reports that this comment irked Jobs. "The thing that our competitors are missing is that they think it's about fashion, and they think it's about surface appearance," Jobs said. "They say, We'll slap a little color on this piece of junk computer, and we'll have one, too." Curiously, even as both Jobs and Gates disagreed about this, Apple was in the process of abandoning these colors. In the same month that Gates was mocking color, Jobs unveiled the iMac G4 -- and it was all-white. Desklamp iMac It was also a complete abandonment of the familiar iMac design that had by then lasted nearly four years. Instead of a single bulbous box, the new iMac was like a desk lamp. A flat-panel screen replaced the bulky old CRT monitor and it was attached to a base by an aluminum pivot. "We realized we have the opportunity of the decade to reshape desktop computers," said Jobs. "But there are some problems with this, there are some fatal flaws with this approach and we rejected it." He said that bolting a flat screen on the front meant the screen was no longer flat. He said that contorting the optical drive to fit vertically in the back meant it could no longer work at full speed. "Rather than glom all these things together and ruin them all -- a lower-performance computer and a flat screen that isn't flat any more -- why don't we let each element be true to itself?" asked Jobs. So the flat screen remained flat, and the drives went horizontally into a base. The new iMac G4 sold in three versions from $1,299 for a 700MHz model with CD-RW optical drive and 40GB hard drive. For $1,799, that went to 800MHz plus DVD-R/CD-RW SuperDrive, 60GB storage and Apple Pro Speakers. Opinions varied. "Opinions have varied about whether the new design could be flawed. Some have argued that the machine is too easy to knock over because of its smaller-than-usual base," PC Magazine claimed. "Others have questioned the reliability of the iMacs's neck, which separates its LCD from the base." If you've actually used one, you don't think this is a terribly plausible criticism, and it certainly didn't have any data suggesting that there was a problem at the time. Yet for whatever reason, this iMac wasn't sold for very long. Introducing the chin Despite Jobs's talk of changing desktop computers for the next decade, the desklamp-like iMac lasted only from January 2002 to July 2004. Curiously, that means it was on sale for two years less time than a variation of the old iMac with CRT was. But, if you were looking for a CRT, an evolutionary offshoot of the iMac -- the eMac -- was available until mid-2006. You couldn't buy that if you weren't an education customer at first, but it was ultimately made available at retail. Change was on the wind though. The mainstream iMac was changed in August 2004, and we first saw a design you can still recognize today. That presentation was by Phil Schiller at Apple Expo Paris 2004, while Steve Jobs was on leave for health reasons. "Rather than just the display now floating in the air over your desk, the entire computer floats in the air on an aluminum foot," said Schiller. "It all fits in there, in the world's thinnest desktop computer. I think a lot of people are going to be asking 'where did the computer go?'" That foot and the way the power cable connects through it is identical on today's iMac Pro. While the display and computer were in white plastic, the positioning of the screen gave the iMac its now familiar chin. It also abandoned the idea of separate speakers. Sound was now produced from the underside of the machine and directed to reflect up from your desk. There was no mention of the problems Jobs had referred to with vertically-mounted drives. Instead, Schiller concentrated on the engineering to do with fitting a G5 into this space. He revealed that the new machine started at $1,299 for a 17 inch iMac G5 with 1.6GHZ G5, and 80GB of storage. Schiller also unveiled a $1,499 model with faster processor, but later there was a 20 inch model for $1,899 too. Intel inside The iMac G5 case design survived the next big change in iMac history: the move from PowerPC G5 to Intel processors which happened with the early 2006 model. The Intel iMac then came in a 17 inch for $1,299 and 20 inch for $1,699. Jobs said both models were two to three times faster than the previous G5. Assuming, of course, that you were using native Intel software. Before this white plastic design vanished, though, there was the introduction of a third screen size. A new 24 inch model would be sold for $1,999 up to August 2007. From the front, this design looks the same as the current 2018 model. It's a different matter from the side: this model was really the same as the previous iMac but in aluminum instead of plastic. It came with the same quite thick back that contained all of the drives. There was one more change: Apple now dropped the 17 inch model. From August 2007, there were two flavors of the 20 inch at $1,199 and $1,499 plus the 24 inch which was reduced to $1,799. Then in October 2009, the sizes were revised again to become what we know today: a 21.5 inch model and a 27 inch one. They again were fast and you could now order up to 16GB of RAM. Apart from the addition of Thunderbolt ports in 2011, more improvements to processor speed and a better video chat camera, this was the iMac form from 2007 to 2012. The heart of Apple Phil Schiller said that the iMac: "epitomizes something Apple does so well, to create a breakthrough innovative product and then through the years relentlessly keep updating it with the latest technology to push it as far as the technology allows. We've had seven generations of iMac, each one better than the last." Eight years on from when Schiller claimed people would wonder where the computer had gone, here really was an iMac that looked like it was solely a monitor. It had the same front, the same foot, but the back was slimmed down. Apple did make it seem as if the machine is razor thin where really it has a bulge in the very back. Still, though, it was an impressive design. It was done by Apple going back to what it did with the original iMac and ditching hardware the company didn't believe was needed any more. So, the optical drive was taken out completely and again critics complained -- but other firms followed suit. What you did get in the 21.5 inch model was a 2.7GHz quad-core Intel i5 with 8GB RAM and 1TB hard drive for $1,299. This was also the model that introduced the Fusion Drive, Apple's combination of flash storage and spinning disk. The 27 inch model had the same storage and RAM but came with a faster 2.9GHz quad-core i5 for $1,799. These were released in November 2012 and they lasted until October 2014 when the models finally got the Retina-quality display. Today you can buy the latest versions of these models where the 21.5 inch iMac optionally now comes with an improved Retina 4K display. That will cost you from $1,299. The 27 inch iMac is now only available with a Retina 5K display and still costs from $1,799. The end so far Strictly speaking, that's the end of the iMac, that's every iMac improvement since the very first Bondi blue one in 1998. Except in 2017, Apple introduced the iMac Pro. It was revealed in a sneak peek in June 2017 and went on sale in December. The very same iMac design was revamped with an identically-sized machine that was now in space gray. On the inside, there was an 8-core Xeon processor -- with the option to buy a 10- or 18-core model too. You could have up to 128GB RAM or twice what a regular iMac can do. It would cost you, though. The base model today is $4,999 but if you add every possible option, you can raise that to $13,199. The original iMac in Bondi blue sold for around $1,244 which in today's money is not much more at $1,923. Today's base iMac costs $1,099 and if you reverse the inflation calculation to see what that was in 1998, it's just $710.84. So the raw power of the iMac plus its design, its display and all its specifications have radically improved over the last 20 years yet the price has effectively come down. Unless you buy that top iMac Pro where you could be spending seven times more money. Even if you do, though, the machine you get embodies everything about Apple that the original iMac did. It's an all-in-one model with the latest technology. And, some personality too. In the market for an iMac? Here are the best deals available Those looking to purchase an iMac can instantly save hundreds off MSRP when shopping at Apple authorized resellers. B&H Photo and Adorama are both knocking up to $200 off 27-inch iMac 5Ks, while 21.5-inch iMac HDs start at $949 after cash rebates. Back-to-school shoppers on a budget can also exclusively save up to $1,050 on closeout Late 2015 models with upgraded graphics and additional storage when using this shopping link and promo code APINSIDER. A full list of deals and product availability can of course be found in our Mac Price Guide. https://goo.gl/7KRSdD

[runningcommentarylaura]

The Long Game: From Road Runner to Ultra Runner

My Journey to the Lakeland Trails 55k (08/07/18)

If you’d told me a year ago that I would be entering an ultramarathon in 2018 there’s no way I’d have believed it. I had only run one marathon (Yorkshire Marathon 2015) which was a bit of a miserable experience, and apart from that had mostly stuck to half marathon distance or less. I was a road runner with some occasional trail/cross country thrown in. Yes, my running was continuing to improve but I was very average in terms of speed – no way would someone like me be able to do an ultra! In fact, I knew very little about the world of ultra-running at all; it was like a mythical sport for the superhuman and I had no business prying into it.

Things began to change when I met Alex, who has a wonderful confidence that if you want to do something you can do it. There are things I would write things off as impossible that he’s so cool about it and just goes for it. His interest in ultra-running began to rub off on me as he introduced me to all the amazing videos available online and I was astounded by these ‘normal’ people achieving incredible things. Still, it was great to watch it on screen but not something that would ever be a reality for me. Too hard! I wasn’t fit enough, fast enough, mentally tough enough.

Then late last autumn Steve Rhodes from my running club (‘inner city club’ Hyde Park Harriers!) suggested we have a go at the Billy Bland challenge, which is the Bob Graham Round done as a relay across 5 legs. Although the team would consist of our faster runners, anyone was welcome to join the recces. The first was organised back in November and Alex wanted to go; I was reluctant (okay, scared) as I didn’t think I’d be able to keep up with everyone, but with some encouragement and the knowledge that a mix of abilities were going I braved it. As soon as we started out from Honister we were going uphill… and we were walking it. Oh, you don’t have to run uphill! Immediately fell running became less terrifying to me. I survived the experience and found I enjoyed it immensely, with the stunning views, the mix of terrain and just being in the great outdoors.

This was followed by another recce a couple of months later which ascended Skiddaw, Great Calva and Blencathra in some full-on white-out conditions. I felt like a proper adventurer! I was way out of my comfort zone, but with such a positive group of people around me I never felt like I couldn’t do it. In fact, I started to notice that I could hold my own when it wasn’t all about pace, and I wasn’t too bad at toughing it out in difficult conditions. Confidence was growing!

I knew if I was going to try an ultra it would have to be something special to keep me motivated. The Lakeland Trails 55k felt like a good option as an entry level ultra. It was a long way to run, but an achievable distance all the same. It would be beautiful. It was a marked course with proper check points, so navigation and support wouldn’t be a big worry. I had time to train for it. Still, when I actually went ahead and signed up for it I was pretty surprised at myself! If Alex hadn’t encouraged me it never would have happened.

Training was actually really fun. On holiday in Switzerland we had more mountain adventures (and oh my goodness the altitude was a shock to the system!), then I did my first fell race with lovely people from my club, and a trail half marathon. The final test was a solo circuit of the Yorkshire Three Peaks. If I could nail that I would be ready! It was an enormous relief to complete the 24 mile route, especially under 6 hours, and I was thrilled that I felt decent during and after.

The Time Has Come!

Well, after all that build-up it seemed pretty surreal when it was finally time for the event. The weather had been sweltering for weeks, making the last weeks of training really draining. We knew we were in for a hot race, but you can’t change the weather so all you can do is prepare for it and be sensible on the day. Keeping hydrated and fuelled would make or break it. When we went to register the day before the race there was a full kit check – and what a relief when they told us we wouldn’t have to carry full waterproofs and gloves! More space for precious water.

After an interesting night’s sleep interjected with random shouts of “It’s coming home!” from outside (England had just qualified for the World Cup semi-final) we woke up at 5am to force down some porridge – not an easy feat when your stomach really doesn’t want it! After a bit of stress trying to figure out where to park (which included us tailing Nicky Spinks in her van, hoping she knew where she was going) we were finally there on the start line, too late for nerves now. I had just passed by Nicky and stopped to congratulate her for her amazing achievement of being the first person to complete a double Charlie Ramsay Round just last weekend; unsurprisingly she said that although she was feeling pretty good she wasn’t quite up to running the 55k! Great that she still came along though – she is a huge inspiration, especially for us females who are constantly being told by society that we are the ‘weaker’ sex. I kept her in mind when I was struggling later in the day - I really recommend you check this documentary out if you want to know more about her.

And so onto the race itself. It began slowly as we started ascending out of Ambleside immediately. There was chatter and excitement amongst all of us as we set off, all playing the long game and walking as soon as we hit the first hill. Up we went into Kirkstone Pass, and it was difficult to overtake people at this stage so I went with the general pace of the pack until we started to spread out more after about 4 or 5 miles. The heat was already cloying; I spoke to a lady who said she was aiming for 9 hours (as I was) but we knew the temperature would play a big part in the reality, and it wasn’t long before we were separated.

The trails were lovely; a great mixture of different terrain to keep things interesting, within stunningly beautiful landscapes. The miles ticked by quite comfortably over the undulating countryside, with nothing too steep but still a lot of steady ascents giving plenty of opportunities to walk, and nice descents that were technical enough to be interesting but not too challenging.

The climb up to Grisedale Tarn was where we really started to spread out and I could see some people beginning to struggle. This is a long, rocky slog which can definitely wear you down, but for some reason I felt quite energised by it – there was no way I could run it so I was happy just plugging away at it steadily. My hill training was definitely paying off! At the top was the tarn (and plenty of midges) and there were even people up there waiting to cheer us on. To the right was a peak which I could see people climbing, and I mentally prepared to do the same, so it was a pleasant surprise to skirt around it and start the descent instead. This was perhaps harder than the climb – quite steep and very rocky so it was difficult to build up much momentum because of all the trip hazards. I stumbled quite a lot, but fortunately didn’t fall!

I won’t go through it all in detail because it becomes a bit of a blur, but the five checkpoints were a godsend and really helped to separate the race into manageable chunks. It was a relief to be able to drink as much water as I needed, knowing I’d be able to refill my bottles regularly. The support from the marshals and the general public all the way round was so uplifting, especially as the day went on and the exhaustion started to set in. I set myself goals along the way – I wanted to get to 24 miles in 6 hours to know I was in line with my Three Peaks pace, then 26.2 miles was the next milestone as it meant I was entering the territory of my longest ever run. After that I focused on my 9 hour target and that kept me going.

By 30 miles I was getting really tired and having to coax myself into running, and my knee (problematic for years) was starting to hurt on the road sections in particular. After the last checkpoint, hearing that the course was a couple of extra miles long and there were still about 5 miles to go, I had a little exhausted cry. But there was never any thought of giving up; I concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other, every step taking me closer to the finish.

We were spread out now, all of us in our own little ‘pain caves’ and a handful of us playing a bit of leap frog as we alternated between running and walking. There was another climb, then a paramedic who had come up to tend to a guy who wasn’t in a good way (so close to the end as well – I really felt for him and I hope he’s okay) and FINALLY the last descent into Ambleside. This was the worst part of all: what should have been a victory mile down to the finish was so painful on my knee that I just cried all the way down. Lovely walkers cheered me on and gave me sympathetic words of encouragement for the last few hundred metres – apparently my sunglasses weren’t disguising my weeping as well as I’d hoped! I held back the tears as I ran into the finishing funnel amidst the cheers and high fives, over the line to smiling volunteers and that hard-earned medal. Oh and a ladies fit t-shirt: such a novelty!

Alex came through to find me, having finished a bit before me, and then more tears from me – relief this time. After all months of build-up we had done it. What a journey! Would I do it again? Haha, probably. I was so proud to make it and really happy with my time of 9:17 (if the course hadn’t been long I would have made my 9 hour target so as far as I was concerned it was mission accomplished). Alex did brilliantly too and we both finished comfortably in the top half of the finishers’ results table. I’m really chuffed that I even made it into the top quarter of the ladies who finished. Not too bad for an ‘average’ runner!

Thanks to Lakeland Trails/Ultimate Trails and Inov-8 for putting on a great event. The organisation was top notch and the marshals were absolute legends. And thanks to my running club mates who inspire me every day with their amazing achievements. For anyone who doesn’t think they can run an ultra, heed my story and consider it. If I can, you can! We are all stronger than we think.

[davidsilvercloud]

Terry David “Butch/Butch Naked” Silvercloud

“Step aside!  I shall perform the necessary heroics”  Comic Book Guy/The Simpsons

“Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.” - T. S. Eliot

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I’m not your average toad on the road.

“I’ve come to hate my own creation.  Now I know how God feels.”  Homer Simpson  . Now keep reading.

THE DAILY GRIND… ARE WE THERE YET?

Thursday, 14 Dec. 2017.

I got home, yesterday, about 6pm, and was a bit pooped, so I lay down and didn't bother getting up again until about 3am.  I was a bit achy and wondering why until I realized I had done only three T3's yesterday... the fourth was still in my reminder cup.  I have a little sealable container into which I put four T3's and one Diclofenac each day.  That is to let me know I took them, by count.  If I'm feeling too achy it's usually because I'm due for a T3.

Went back to bed around 9am and up, again, at about 10:30am when a Cable Guy came to see if he could figure out why my intercom phone, suddenly, was a working telephone.  He was about 6'8"... very tall.   I'm tall, nearly 6'3".  Anyhow, we got along great as he tried to solve the issue in the phone room.  He figures it is a Telus Phone problem that seems to have occurred in a box outside our building and can only be fixed by them.  He disconnected the bell ringer so I won't hear the bell if I get more telemarketing calls, will have a dial tone and can dial out, for free it seems, and my TV and intercom still work.  My TV comes through a phone line, so I'm connected by one wire to the phone company, now, not two.  It's a techy thing.

I got lots of painting done... I'm learning and getting better at it all the time.  Did some sit ups.

"A big target, like you, will be home a lot sooner than that."  Army Recruiting Officer to Homer Simpson.

"Set your faces to stun"  Bart Simpson

"I've been doing the same thing for the last 10 years and all I've got to show for it is a clean floor"  Marge Simpson

Maturity is a never-ending pursuit, but there are traits becoming a mature person.  There are a few words one needs to understand and appreciate to be a mature being.  Here are a couple of those words:

"Ad Hominem" is a Latin phrase which could be translated "toward the person".  It is used to describe remarks made by a person to another which are in response to an opinion expressed by the other person.  There are other situations which may apply, but I'm trying to give you the lesson of what this is all about.  The definition from Websters is: "to the man" 1. Appealing to prejudice and emotion rather than to reason.  2.  attacking the character, motives, etc.,  of an opponent rather than debating the issue on logical grounds.

For instance, somebody says "I like something, or other" and the other replies "You're an idiot".  That is a bland, but simple example of an 'ad hominem' attack on another person.  What would be worse would be a reply such as "Well... you're ugly".  That response has nothing to do with anything and is an emotional nonsensical and rude reply.

HUBRIS:  "To rush at impetuously" ... wanton insolence or arrogance resulting from excessive pride or from passion.

Hubris and Ad Hominem attacks are often, closely, related and a sign of extreme ignorance and immaturity.  Time to grow up.

"it's time to go home.  The insurance company said you're as well as they're going to pay for" Doctor Hibbert/The Simpsons

THIS IS THE END OF THE DAILY GRIND.

IF YOU HAVEN’T BEEN HERE, BEFORE, HERE IS MORE STUFF TO READ…

I’m a bit OCD and ADHD and go on, and on, like a dripping tap.  Think Sheldon Cooper, if that rings some kind of bell.  I gather it's some kind of need I have to be, constantly, in complete control of everything.  I quite simply assume everyone around me is a complete idiot.  The humans aren't doing a very good job of convincing me otherwise.  You must prove yourself to me.  Seriously, I mean it.  I expect to be disappointed.   Show me what you've got and back it up with proof.

http://DavidSilvercloud.com (Blog)    (http://David_Silvercloud.Tumblr.com)

http://ButchNews.com (Video)     (http://YouTube.com/ButchNews)

http://ButchNaked.com (Photo Stream)    (http://Flickr.com/David_Silvercloud)

http://SeriousThunder.com (Art)

http://ElectronSpeed.Tumblr.com      …(Physics… The Speed of Light, Grand Unified Theory, Gravity, Dark Matter, Dark Energy… how the physical size of the Electron is the clock that sets the speed of light.  Gravity is motion and a product of the fact that nothing ever sits still, combined with the magnetic properties of Dark Matter/Energy.  Nothing can ever move in an absolute circle and rest is a relativity illusion.

Absolute rest is not possible… ever.  The universe can not end.  Time is change and is an illusion.  It is always now, everywhere, all at once, all of the time. Proof of that is that ANY object MUST be HERE and THERE at the SAME time, no matter how large… even a Galaxy.  It is always NOW on both sides… here and there, in space,  of the Galaxy… all galaxies, everywhere.  Waves can be either physical or electronic.  The duality of the universe keeps it ongoing.  DNA is the battery of life.  When the chains can no longer co-operate, life ceases in the body.  Life, itself, is a duality.  Time measurement is a relativity convenience.)  Time travel is impossible because time is not a place and nothing stays where it was.  One year from now the Solar System will have moved about seven BILLION kilometres through space and will NEVER return to where it was… ever.

Earth travels through space like a long wave… it has NEVER, ever made an actual circle, nor ellipse, in space.  The circle/ellipse is an illusion of relativity.  Nothing can ever travel in an actual circle in space… NOTHING.  Nothing can ever go backward.  Backwards motion is an illusion of relativity.  Time is a repercussion of change and has no fixed rate… things explode or move like a glacier.  At best we can only compare rates of change.  Our rate of change is called the second/minute/hour/day/month/year system.

NOTHING CAN EVER MOVE IN A TRUE CIRCLE.  THE EARTH HAS NEVER MADE A LOOP IN SPACE… EVER.  YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU DON’T KNOW.

WATCH VIDEO FOR EXPLANATION OF THE PATH OF EARTH THROUGH SPACE. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPjohZCMwmI

Earth moves about 7 billion kilometers through space, each year… in a long wave.  Earth NEVER returns to where it was before.  Earth is NOT an island in space… one of the reasons why time travel is impossible.  If you take a trip through space, outside the Solar System, Earth will NOT be there when you return… it will be far, far away.  You will have to return to where it will BE when you arrive… remember, it’s moving very, very, very fast through space in a long wave… never a circle, or ellipse.

http://The-Shape-Of-God.Tumbler.com   Manuscript of my book… The Shape of God.

Butch, himself.  Visual Artist, Photographer, Physicist (Particle, Sub/Atomic Physics/Relativity)

Inhibitions are just so inhibiting, I avoid them.

I’m a friendly, but pretty blunt, kind of guy.  No time for beating around the bush.  I like to say what I mean and mean what I say.  I’m 73 years old.  Time is not on my side.  You don’t have to like me.  I’m a social recluse, anyway.  I share my life, in photos, video, and words, to let you into my life and hope to inspire you to be a productive and useful human.  I have old age issues but will continue to post, here, while I’m well and able.  I talk a lot… I’m told it’s part of my OCD and ADHD.  Come direct at http://ButchNaked.com  Sign in if you wish to see me naked.

If you don’t know me, the following might help you get to know what kind of person I am.  I don’t expect you to understand me.  I can be a bit OCD and ADHD.

“They’ve already got more blowjobs than we’ll ever get”  Steve Smith (American Dad), talking about college jocks.

“Now let us touch testicles and mate for life”  Alien on The Simpsons

“It never hurts to have a second set of prints on a gun”  Nelson Muntz, The Simpsons.

I’m here to teach you things.  While I appreciate other people’s opinions, I really don’t much give a crap what anyone thinks.  Until you prove your worth, I will be nice but you have to earn my respect. The moment you say a word, I’ll be figuring you out really, really fast.  You should assume that I don’t trust anyone.  I’ve not met a single trustworthy person in my entire life.  I’ve met lots of nice people who aren’t too bright… well-intentioned folk who know little about anything, people who are nice, most of the time until you say something that offends them.  Honourable people agree to disagree.

Look up the phrase “CRITICAL THINKING” then learn to practice it.  Most people leap before they look and judge before they listen to the facts.  Most don’t have enough knowledge, nor experience, to be experts in much of anything.  You don’t know what you don’t know.  I like to remind you of that, often.

The only other REALLY IMPORTANT thing to know about me is that I, totally, despise all religions, the teaching of religion, and religious institutions… I despise them as the evilest things on the planet.  If you follow a religion, you CAN NOT BE MY FRIEND.   THAT’S THAT.  You are an ignorant idiot who is an ever-present danger to yourself and everyone and everything around you.  Nothing, absolutely NOTHING, is eviler than religion.  I don’t stand for, nor sing, our National Anthem because it praises a fictitious and superstitious being called 'God’.  Only a brain dead moron bonehead ignorant idiot would believe such a thing.

If you have a religion, I will not associate with you… period.  You are a danger to be around.  Yes, I insult religions… they are extraordinarily evil.  I said it, I mean it.  You have a right to be an idiot, but not around me.  I have a right to defend myself against the horrors of religion and I will.  Religion is evil.  People who are into religion are, either, brainwashed or extraordinarily ignorant, not very intelligent, a danger to themselves and everyone around them, and must be avoided.  I can’t say it enough times.  If you have a religion you are brainwashed or too fucking stupid to associate with.  Brainwashed, or stupid… either way you are too dangerous to be around.  Religion is the number one problem in the world.

http://The-Shape-Of-God.Tumblr.com

I keep a homepage at http://ButchBoard.com

My main video page is http://YouTube.com/ButchNews  

go direct at http://ButchNews.com

You may come directly to my photostream at http://ButchNaked.com You may download and share nude photos of me... go nuts.

I have zero inhibitions about nudity and sex.  You must sign in to see me naked.  I talk, openly, about sex.  You may download and share nude photos of me… go nuts.

GOOGLE my name (Terry David Silvercloud or David Silvercloud) for more information about me.

[oldschoolgameshowguy-blog]

TJW = WTF?

A CBS Classic is Revived But Changes Nearly Everything (And Not In A Good Way)

“From Hollywood…it’s the game where knowledge is king and Lady Luck is queen...”

Sadly, the “knowledge” is largely gone from TBS’s revival of “The Joker’s Wild”, a classic CBS game show that rewarded actual book knowledge with cash and prizes of up to $25,000. Entertainer Snoop Dogg brought back a new version of this Jack Barry vehicle in October of 2017 and for those who remember and loved the original, this one is a huge disappointment. First, though, let me comment on the few plusses the show has.

It’s worth watching the show - once - to see the beautiful new set. Barry would have been proud (even envious). The designers created a stage that’s colorful, lively and engaging. You even hear slot machine sounds like you’d hear in a real casino. The 1990 revival had its own technology-driven machine – three TV monitors where the category wheels would “spin” but they weren’t terribly exciting to watch. At least with modern technology, the new Joker machine is something truly impressive.

Sadly, that’s where the list of positives end for me. There’s so many things about the new version of the show that I disliked upon viewing the premiere. The audience. The questions. The changed flow of play. And most certainly the host. If you’re a fan of Snoop Dogg, you’ll probably hate everything I’m about to say and dismiss me as a “hater”. Fine. But if you don’t know Snoop, you may agree with me. 

Snoop’s persona – at least on the show – is that of a drug-friendly casino operator party guy with a streetwise sense of humor. That, of course, is nothing like Jack Barry or, really, any other quiz show emcee of any of the classics. Even Gene Rayburn of legendary “Match Game” fame was wild and wacky without seeming stoned. And I don’t find Snoop’s manner appealing – in the context of a quiz show. As a music performer, not being all there can add to an artist’s charisma. But not for leading a vehicle like this. (Michael Strahan of ABC’s “The $100,000 Pyramid” would have been a finer choice to helm this revival. Frankly, I can think of at least a dozen other people I’d rather had been at the helm of the new “Joker”.)

Snoop is supposed to be the main draw for the show - but with the original, it wasn't about the host. It was about the game, at least for the viewers. Jack Barry was an affable host, like many emcees of the day, but he wasn’t playing a version of himself, and a seedy one at that. He was actually trying to clean up his image, having been implicated in The Quiz Show Scandals of the 1950’s. He needed to be squeaky clean. Luckily, it worked.

A good game show host - to me - knows how to set up tension and the big moments. Snoop seems too high - or high acting - to be tense about anything. It’s all about laughs, money, and that “big-ass” slot machine. If you’re watching a game, as a viewer, you don’t want to be going, “What just happened?”

Snoop has famously said “The Joker’s Wild” was one of his favorite shows growing up, and that he used to watch it with his grandmother. Why was it a favorite? Was it the big money? The set? It looks like that the oversized slot machine what fascinated him because I don’t get the impression it was the intellect displayed by the contestants. I don’t think Snoop would have done so well as a contestant on the CBS original.

The new version of the game is not a general knowledge quiz – at least, as you’d see on “Jeopardy!” with Alex Trebek. (I wish there were more examples of knowledge game shows on American TV but they’ve all but disappeared – American TV producers presume that the average viewer doesn’t find book smarts entertaining. When I was growing up, viewers had more selections – among the better of them, “The Who, What or Where Game” and “College Bowl”. Even shows like “Gambit” or “Hollywood Squares” had questions where viewers could learn something factual.)

On the new version of “Joker” questions are more about streetwise subjects or comedic themes. The category names are too silly to recount here, but I was reminded of the equally frivolous names chosen for categories on the 2000 “Pyramid” revival with Donny Osmond (which I was glad to see bite the dust). Sometimes it’s possible to be too cutesy.

Even the 1990 version with Pat Finn, disappointing as that was, had quiz questions about real topics – they were given as definitions, where the player had to define the person, place or thing Finn read off his cards. The message Snoop’s “Joker” sends is that there's zero value in knowing school subjects or facts. With who made it into the White House in 2016, this show is suitable for a “post-fact” era.

New “Joker” isn’t even the same game structurally. Designed to fit within a single-half hour, with no carry-over champions (even the current incarnation of Family Feud with Steve Harvey lets families stay five days to win a new SUV), this version of “Joker” is a contest to see who can amass the most money during game play, not whether they can reach a particular amount. That dramatically changes the game. There are fewer moments for natural tension. A wrong answer to a question can’t be picked up by an opponent for credit, as in the original version. There is no “final spin” rule if a player reaches the winning amount before players have had an equal number of spins. And a three-Joker spin is lame, as it only counts for $500 towards a daily total. There is no Joker’s Jackpot, no five-game big payoff, and no sizzle associated with getting Jokers anymore, no matter how much the audience joins in with “Joker! Joker!! Joker!!!!”

Speaking of the audience (and the players), in scanning with my eyes, I didn’t see anyone present over the age of 30.  Just a soundstage full of twenty-somethings. Snoop is probably the oldest person on that stage. The original “Joker” wasn’t so narrow in its appeal, and that might have been part of the reason it was a classic – you could see students, fathers, mothers, teachers, artists, young adults, older adults, everyone. It seems that Snoop’s version of the show basically says, “If you ain’t a club kid, or you don’t dig me, you too old.” I think lots of college students across the country who tune in “Jeopardy!” daily would disagree. (I was also non-plussed by the standing ovation at the beginning of the show – I remember when standing ovations had to be earned.)

If you ran the original CBS version of “Joker” now, it wouldn't connect with Snoop’s target audience on the TBS version, because that target audience doesn't value book knowledge – at least not in this arena. Get outta here, nerds – you’re not wanted here.

I am also not a fan of “lovely assistants” unless they “work.” It seems that these days, a female assistant (it’s always gotta be a female) is comely and attractive but doesn’t necessarily have much in the way of personality. Catch 21’s Nikki was pretty but bland also. The last show with a “lovely assistant” I could handle was “Wheel of Fortune” - Vanna White may be long in the tooth, but she has depth and seems more real. On the original CBS version, Jack handled the entire show, solo – and even the 1990 revival with Pat Finn was a single-star affair.

How could this version of “Joker” ever have been green-lighted for production? Simple - times have changed. Broadcasters and production companies are greedier than ever, and ever eager to push the envelope to get a new generation of viewers, and the eyeballs advertisers covet. I suppose some of that is to be expected, but taste seems to have been lost with it. And it borders on sacrilege to take an old brand and put something else entirely with it - it’s just wrong.

“The Joker’s Wild” was never intended to be a comedy game show. There have been other game shows that were expressly designed as humor vehicles - “Make Me Laugh”, “The Hollywood Squares”, “The Gong Show”, “Match Game”, “Every Second Counts”, “Can You Top This?” - but taking a venerated quiz and turning it into a comedy vehicle isn't a good idea. If I had my way, this show would have been called something else.

Another part of the problem is that the industry itself has changed since the 1970s - indeed, the concept of entertainment is more than TV and radio - and producers, accountants and suits are greedier than ever, wanting a guaranteed success. Most folk under 30 now have TV, streaming music, social media, gaming consoles, and dating/hookup apps to entertain themselves. And so TV has to have bigger and bigger spectacles to push the envelope – witness, a game show with open drug references (“420”).

And then you have what I could call “new generation” producers – folks whose interest is in leaving their own mark on a classic genre rather than respecting what made the genre work – it’s all about them. I have seen revivals come and go in recent years, but they never stay. They all have to be edgy. They all have to be “explicit”. They all have to be bawdy. I dare one game show packager out there to bring back a classic (I’m thinking “The Big Showdown” from ABC) without retooling every g’damned thing from top to bottom for an exclusive 18 to 24 aged demographic. If I had the independent wealth and connections, I’d do it myself but...here I sit, typing a blog instead.

Richard Kline’s company tried to redo “Joker” in 1990 by changing nearly everything and it was a flop – only after several months in did they try to retool the game with classic “Joker” rules, but it was too late then. However, having seen this new “Joker”, that ‘90 version is no longer the worst.

TBS is a cable channel so they can show offerings like this. I just cannot imagine CBS running this - except as a gag. If Snoop’s “Joker” gains traction, look for an SNL parody one of these coming weekends.

If you wanted to have a game show in a night club - and all that implies - you'd get Snoop’s reboot of “The Joker’s Wild”. With the exception of the beautiful new set, there is little that a fan of the original CBS “Joker” will enjoy. “Jeopardy!” or quiz show fans can rightfully wince. And TBS? Nice gimmick, guys, but you better promote the hell out of this show to your millennial “base” to make it a commercial success.

Meantime, I will stick to reruns of the classic CBS show on You Tube.

GRADE: F