#all of these are supposedly comedies

[idkaguyorsomething]

reading through mark twain’s catalogue of books will be like:

social stratification is so extreme that society will treat functionally identical people in opposite ways for merely believing that they have different origins, forcing them to either be crushed by or perpetuate the unjust system of government that began this whole situation.

even the most brilliant innovator who fights tirelessly to improve the rights of the people will face pushback from bigots resisting any kind of threat to their power that can manipulate the masses into giving up their rights in order to preserve the status quo.

local rascal plays a prank on his neighbors and starts a pirate club :D

discrimination and violence is baked so deeply into the foundations of society that children wanting to do the right thing will believe they are condemning themselves to hell by defying authority in favor of viewing oppressed minorities as humans deserving of rights.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

mused on some thesis about how billions uses Indignity to illustrate that something someone does has failed / gone wrong in one way or another, and how the way this punishment is an Emotional one means that it can't land if the character just doesn't Feel that punished by it, or at least doesn't like attribute the supposed failure to something inherent enough to them to particularly stew on it, see for example people heightening/escalating their efforts to embarass someone if even that person doesn't Seem to sufficiently externally react in embarassment. winston able to truck along while (a) consciously crafting or maintaining some persona, of eternal and irrefutable dignity or whatever else is associated with "merit"/status, isn't much of a priority, when to him his skills speak for themself even though to others this is about their own merit in recognizing independently if winston's skills Happen to have use, and putting him down if he tries to speak to that anyways, and (b) he's also just able to move along from L's handed to him, whether he thinks it was warranted (like that he'll accept it doesn't count if he only thought it but didn't say it) or not (why can't you count to loyalty), when even if this resilience To How Others Treat Him isn't exactly peak realistic, that he thinks of himself in such a way that he doesn't need to be striving for some paramount official status, or think he's defined by never failing or indeed never possibly able to be seen within a "wow undignified / embarassing" framework so long as this winningness is recognized, or so long as anything is anything, is sure feasible enough.

but anyways thought about it like this thesis is just "i am cringe but i am free" like yeah that works

[ozzgin]

Santa baby are you really there?!

*hears a voice in my backyard*

FUCK SKIN WALKER

- you make Yan skinwalker i’ll do anything to get a skin walker to love me … yes I am 100% mentally stable

I'm not sure if you had something horror-esque in mind, because my immediate idea was Reader accidentally getting cursed and continuing her life completely unaware with a ""dog"" everyone is freaked out by, but she finds it cute. So more like dark comedy vibes. You be the judge. :D

Disclaimer: I have changed the name to Shapeshifter as to not delve into potentially offensive takes on native folklore. Thank you for informing my European ass.

Yandere!Monster x Reader [Shapeshifter]

On your last hiking trip, you've stumbled upon a helpless, lost dog. Or rather, it stalked you down to your cabin and spent the night in front of your window. You didn't have the heart to abandon the poor soul and so you brought it home with you. Strange things have been happening ever since and no one knows how to tell you that the monstrous coyote-like creature might be to blame. You're oblivious to everything.

Content: female reader, dark comedy, monster romance, reader is cursed and proud

It wasn't your intention to return home with a new pet. Some might say it was written in the stars, this fateful encounter of yours. You had finished packing your supplies for a day-long hike, vehemently refusing to join your group of friends that would be guided around by a native. They’d warned you many areas of the mountainous forest were supposedly cursed or haunted, so you just scribbled the limits on your makeshift map and promised to stay on the main trails. After all, this was your chance to commune with nature. As the sun begun to set, you wondered if going by yourself was indeed a smart idea, given your lack of spatial awareness and difficulty to navigate maps. You flipped the piece of paper several times, deep in contemplation. Could it be that you’ve reached the forbidden lands? You quickly surveyed the area: based on the stuffed rag dolls hanging from old branches, and the animal skulls arranged in patterns among patches of burnt grass, it was very much a possibility. Perhaps the improvised slab that said “Stay away” in dripping crimson letters should’ve been enough of a warning, but you assumed they’d just been creative with trail markers.

You didn’t have the time to panic. Just as you were furrowing your eyebrows in a final attempt to decipher the map (at the time upside-down), your ears picked up a faint shuffle of leaves. Further away stood a dog, its glossy eyes fixated on your form. A lost puppy? It seemed to be on the larger side, but then again some breeds grow rather fast. You lowered yourself and patted your knees, whispering diminutives in an effort to call the animal over. It remained in place, staring quietly. Alright, then. You focused on finding your way back instead. Every now and then you'd turn back and see the dog, motionlessly eyeing you at a constant distance. Oh, dear. Was it lost? Frightening affair.

Back at the cabin you told the others about your discovery, with a hint of worry in your voice. You hoped the little pup had found proper shelter. You'd expected a similar reaction coming from your friends, but one of them suggested: "What if it was some shapeshifting monster? There's many legends and stories from the area." Everyone laughed and you joined hesitantly, mildly annoyed by the lack of empathy. That night you barely slept, twisting and turning under the heavy feeling of being watched. You woke up tired and nervous, dragging your feet towards the window for some fresh air. That's when you saw the same forest creature, fully awake and tall in its glory, positioned before your room. This was no coincidence. You had been plagued by the guilt of abandoning a vulnerable quadruped and you weren't about to continue as a passive observer. You strode out without a word and lifted the large dog with a huff, carrying it back in to figure out the transport logistics.

Thus started the unexpected companionship. To you, it's a lovely tale of two lost souls finding one another. Most people seem to disagree. Can you blame them? The rescued puppy you often speak of is, in the eyes of everyone else, a monstrous beast by all definitions. It resembles a coyote more than a dog, but even this description is too gentle. The fur is always raised threateningly and the protruding clusters of fangs remind one of the anatomical anomalies displayed in museums. The eyes, oh, the worst of all perhaps, bottomless depths that pull you in until you run out of air. The creature stares with the all-knowing gaze of a human. "Don't be rude", you snap at whoever dares to point these details out. "It must be a mixed breed or something."

Their persistence is truly ridiculous. You've even had guests run out in panic, claiming the dog stood on its back legs and whispered in a language unknown. Or that its shadow would morph into a grotesque man with claws and crooked antlers. Or that they've found it hunched over your sleeping form, its spine twisted outwards with jagged peaks breaking through the wild fur. Rubbish, all of it.

Strange things have been happening, no doubt, but your adopted fur-child has no blame to carry. You've been trying to distract yourself, going on dates and occasionally bringing potential suitors over. They all vanish overnight, nonchalantly leaving an empty, ruffled bed for you to wake up to. "Am I just unlucky?" You sigh, running your fingers through the coarse fur of your dog. It lowers itself under your touch, visibly enjoying the affection. For a split second, it glances out the window. By the time you come out of your depressed slump, the birds should've finished feeding on the remains. He made sure to tear and grind everything fine enough to not leave any marks behind.

That's how curses work, after all. He didn't expect, however, that you'd be utterly unaware of it. He has to give you the credit, not many people become stalked by an ancient curse and continue their life in blissful ignorance. Even more, for them to just casually pick up the haunting entity and bring it inside their home willingly...You're, uh, certainly a special one. Hence the change of plans. He was supposed to torment you into an early grave, but he's grown rather attached to your bizarre antics. And you do provide some damn good chin scratches. He's therefore satisfied with causing anguish and destruction to anything and anyone in your immediate vicinity instead. Since you've been complaining about the resulting isolation...

You wake up with a gasp, wiping your drenched forehead and checking the sheets. The dog is curled next to you, although its head is now tilted in your direction. "O-oh. It might be the loneliness talking...but I had the strangest dream." How troubling and embarrassing. Your beloved pet had turned into a deformed, monstrous man instead, pinning you down and hungrily grazing your skin with his sharp teeth. Your fearful protests eventually turned into shameless moans, your frail body at the mercy of the mysterious beast. It unfolded so vividly that your core feels sore. You stretch a sheepish hand towards your pet and abruptly stop halfway, noticing the marks diffused into your wrist, like violet smudges of watercolor. What the hell did you do last night?

The dog buries its head under the sheets and nuzzles its snout into your soft flesh. Heh. How many more disappearing guests will be needed for you to figure out your situation? He does find your obliviousness terribly amusing, as well as your willingness to clutch onto him despite his unsightly appearance. He was feeling particularly cheeky and thought of giving you a little scare, only to be once again taken aback by your neediness. He has to wonder who exactly is trapped in this situation, because your reactions to everything he does are frighteningly tempting. Maybe tonight he'll finally let you know, just as you're about to come undone beneath his heaving body. Something like, hmmm. "By the way, love, this isn't a dream." He could even add a little "woof" to tease you more.

[secretmellowblog]

On the subject of the Titanic ‘submersible’ that was lost in the deep with all its wealthy tourists— it’s so insane/eerie in hindsight to read this article from the Smithsonian that interviews the CEO Stockton Rush long before the disaster.

Despite the Smithsonian supposedly being an organization that cares about science and truth, and the fact that there were SO MANY obvious red flags from the beginning and so many people criticizing the company…..the article is a puff piece uncritically glorifying the CEO’s obviously terrible submersible project. It compares him in glowing terms to Elon Musk. It is an article about how private ventures like those of Stockton Rush and Elon Musk can and should be the future of the world.

We’ve obviously learned now that there were whistleblowers at the company who were warning for a long time that Stockton Rush’s submersible was unsafe— only to be fired and then sued. It makes sense the submersible was so unsafe, because the CEO in this interview is open about how he has no background in underwater engineering and is annoyed by quote “regulations that needlessly prioritize passenger safety.”

Soon after, the private [submersible] market died too, Rush found, for two reasons that were “understandable but illogical.” First, subs gained a reputation for danger. Working on offshore rigs in harsh locations like the North Sea, saturation divers, who breathe gas mixtures to avoid diving sicknesses, would be taken in subs to work at great depths. It was the world’s most perilous job, with frequent fatalities. (“It wasn’t the sub’s fault,” says Rush.) To save lives, the industries moved toward using underwater robots to perform the same work.

Second, tourist subs, which could once be skippered by anyone with a U.S. Coast Guard captain’s license, were regulated by the Passenger Vessel Safety Act of 1993, which imposed rigorous new manufacturing and inspection requirements and prohibited dives below 150 feet. The law was well-meaning, Rush says, but he believes it needlessly prioritized passenger safety over commercial innovation (a position a less adventurous submariner might find open to debate). “There hasn’t been an injury in the commercial sub industry in over 35 years. It’s obscenely safe, because they have all these regulations. But it also hasn’t innovated or grown—because they have all these regulations.”

The fact that Stockton Rush (who was piloting the submarine when the disaster happened) is on record complaining about the evils of regulations that prioritize people’s safety, and the Smithsonian uncritically regurgitated that rhetoric in their glowing puff piece about how rich tycoons like Elon Musk and Stockton Rush are going to save the world is just…..in hindsight of how everything ended it’s just so much horrible black comedy? It’s like a satire about the dangers of uncritically worshipping the rich.

It is mentioned in the article that Rush chose to make his submersible in a different shape, and with a different (cheaper) material than is usually used for submersibles. The article frames this as a result of daring innovation, and not of negligence/ignorance. This passage in particular, which in context is supposed to portray Rush’s critics as joyless naysayers who were proven wrong by the noble tycoon, is pretty foreboding in hindsight:

Rush planned to pilot the sub himself, which critics said was an unnecessary risk: Under pressure, the experimental carbon fiber hull might, in the jargon of the sub world, “collapse catastrophically.”

And then!!

The exact problem that happened to Titan this weekend, happened on Titan’s very first test voyage to the Titanic! The experimental carbon fiber hull had an issue and it caused communications to break down!

The dive was going according to plan until about 10,000 feet, when the descent unexpectedly halted, possibly, Rush says, because the density of the salt water added extra buoyancy to the carbon fiber hull. He now used thrusters to drive Titan deeper, which interfered with the communications system, and he lost contact with the support crew. He recalls the next hour in hallucinogenic terms. “It was like being on the Starship Enterprise,” he says. “There were these particles going by, like stars. Every so often a jellyfish would go whipping by. It was the childhood dream.”

Both Rush and the article writer treat this as a fun quirky story, instead of a serious safety failure and red flag with his experimental macgyvered regulation-flaunting submersible.

Other highlights from the article include:

Stockton rush saying that if 3/4 of the planet is water, why haven’t we monetized it?

Stockton saying we will “colonize the ocean long before we colonize space”

Lots of weird pro colonialism stuff in general??? This article loves colonialism and thinks it’s cool

Rush saying he plans for this to eventually help find more underwater resources for the US to exploit and profit from

Elon musk comparisons. The article writer does not mention that Elon Musk’s rockets explode and therefore it would be a bad idea to get in one of them, because that would imply it’s a bad idea to get into the submersible

Stockton rush seeing himself as Captain Kirk

The article writer comparing the tourists who plan to join Rush to Englishmen who went on colonialist journeys to Africa as if that’s like, a good thing. So much pro colonialism stuff in this article

So many sentences about Stockton Rush being handsome when he literally just looks like some guy

The article beginning with an editor’s note from years later disclaiming that the extraordinary submersible they’re advertising in this article is uh. It’s now uhhhh

But yeah it really does just bring home how so many organizations that supposedly care about scientific truth or journalistic integrity are willing to uncritically platform propaganda for wealthy CEOS. It’s frustrating how easily people fall for the fake myths that careless wealthy people invent for themselves, and even more frustrating that supposedly respectable institutions will platform irresponsible lies that end up getting people killed.

Rush is such an obvious and simple example of this, and his negligence is “only” killing five people including himself. But to me it feels like a cautionary tale to bear in mind when it comes to uncritical puff piece media coverage of similar “daring tycoon innovations” by people like Bezos or Musk.

[delphoxqueen]

The Osomatsu-San Iceberg 2.0!

(Click More For Full Explanation)

*- Take Caution When Researching

Tier 1-

Osomatsu-Kun- A Comedy Manga by Fujio Akatsuka which ran from 1962 to 1969 which followed a group of sextuplet (a multiple birth of six children) brothers. It was later adapted into two anime, one by Studio Zero in 1966 and another by Studio Pierrot in 1988 as well as spin-off by Studio Pierrot in 2015 titled “Osomatsu-San” which follows the sextuplets in their 20-somethings as NEETS.

Fourth-Wall Breaks- Osomatsu-San has multiple moments where the characters will break the fourth wall, such as in the first episode where the characters try to be a “proper anime”, or worship Fujio Akatsuka like a god.

Visual Distinguishers- The Matsuno Brothers have multiple visual distinguishers so the audience can more easily tell the brothers apart. Examples include: Signature Color, Hairstyles, and Facial Expressions. The brothers were given different colors supposedly because the character designer couldn’t tell the difference between them.

Parodies + References- The anime makes dozens of parodies and references to other anime/popular media such as Attack on Titan, Saw, Demon Slayer, Naruto, and Sailor Moon. The anime’s extreme popularity in Japan also led to other anime to parody and reference Osomatsu-San including The Disastrous Life of Saiki K, Love Rice, and JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure. Osomatsu-San has too many references to other anime and there’s too many references to Osomatsu-San from other media, so I just included it as one entry.

NEET- A common acronym in Japan which stands for Not in Education, Employment, or Training, but also includes anyone who is not engaged in housework, unemployed, not seeking work, and not in any school or work-related training.

F6- The F6 are the idealized version of the Matsuno brothers that parody pretty-boy anime. The “F” in F6 stands for Fujio, as in Fujio Akatsuka, the creator of the original manga. In the first episode, their first appearance, Ichimatsu transforms into a hybrid stylization of the 2015 anime and the 1966 anime, but in the season finale they are seen alongside the Matsuno brothers, implying they are separate characters.

___Matsu Boys and Girls- The fan term for each of the six brothers, based on Karamatsu’s line calling his fans his “Karamatsu girls and boys”.

Banned 1st Episode- The 1st episode of the anime was banned in Japan due to copyright law, as Japan has no clause for parody and has a more strict interpretation of fair use. It was never confirmed which company filed a copyright infringement against Osomatsu-San, but there is a theory that the Attack on Titan parody was the main culprit. The episode has still not been released on physical media and all streaming services do not carry the first episode, instead beginning the series on the second episode.

The Osomatsu-San Movie- Released on March 15th 2019, the movie follows the brothers traveling back in time to meet their high school selves and to resolve one of the brothers’ biggest regrets.

Collab Ad Campaigns- Osomatsu-San has collaborated with dozens of other brands on merchandise/advertisement campaigns. Many of these collaborations have created special events and merchandise for Osomatsu-San. Examples include: Ministop, Sweets Paradise, Dohtonbori Okonomiyaki, and Sanrio.

Akatsuka’s 80th- Osomatsu-San was created in honor of Fujio Akatsuka’s 80th Birthday and death, having died at 72 in 2008.

Todomatsu Face Meme- In the episode “Todomatsu and the 5 Demons” Todomatsu makes a face at his brothers for talking to the Sutabaa baristas, which has become a meme that has even spread outside the Osomatsu-San fandom.

Tier 2-

Homura-Chan is a Porn Actress- Although nothing is stated outright, it is heavily implied in her first episode appearance that she is a porn actress as Osomatsu finds a porn movie and seems surprised by the cover before going on to have a conversation with Jyushimatsu which Jyushi ultimately avoids.

Karamatsu Wears Contacts- A fun fact that few in the fandom seem to remember is that Karamatsu wears contact lenses. Although he (and all the Matsuno Brothers) have brown eyes, he wears brown contacts, but the presumed reason he wears contacts is because circle contacts (mainly worn by cosplayers and Japanese teen girls) make eyes look bigger and cuter- which is why Osomatsu insults him for wearing them.

Episode 3.5- Also titled “Episode 3.5: Virgin Heroes”, an episode was created to be put on home media releases to replace the 1st episode due to the ban. It is chronologically after Episode 3 but before Episode 4 and has two segments. The first segment features the F6 in a parody commercial, with the second focusing on Choromatsu seeing a group of college kids having a barbecue and being visited by the Cherry Boys (the other five Matsuno brothers in Power-Ranger parody outfits)

BLMatsu- A fandom term for incest ships involving the Matsuno brothers romantically or sexually. BL stands for Boys Love, which is a popular anime and manga term for gay male pairings typically aimed at women. Common ships include OsoChoro and KaraIchi.

Broken Heart Tongue- A small detail in the series is that whenever Jyushimatsu is depicted smiling, his tongue is in the shape of a heart, but in the episode “Jyushimatsu’s Girlfriend” when Jyushimatsu is crying at Chibita’s Oden stand, his tongue is a broken heart.

Matsus Unknown Age- The brothers’ age has never been specified in the Osomatsu-San anime. They are said to “not be older than 24 or 25” and that their parents have been married 24 years and they were born soon after, so they have been assumed to be around 24 but it has never been confirmed.

Girlymatsus not Related- A common misconception in the fandom is that the Girlymatsus are sisters, or the earlier fan theory in Season 1 that they are the Matsuno brothers in drag- but the Girlymatsus were later confirmed just to be friends.

An Anecdote With Horses- An exclusive episode made in collaboration with the Japan Racing Association (JRA) which aired on December 16th, 2016 which featured skits of the Matsuno brothers racing horses.

English Dub Production Issues- After Viz Media acquired the rights to Osomatsu-San, it came out in September 2020 that the English Dub of Osomatsu-San was delayed to be reworked as well as having to replace Christopher Niosi (Choromatsu’s original VA) with Sean Chiplock, due to abuse allegations which Christopher later confessed to.

4th ED is the only ED without stop-motion- While the majority of the Osomatsu-San ending themes feature stop-motion using a variety of items such as toys, clothing, and food; the 4th ending (the second ending of the second season) uses slow-motion footage of paint being dumped onto busts of the Matsuno brothers.

Pine Tree- The kanji for “Matsu” translates to Pine Tree, which is why the pine tree symbol is so frequent in the show’s iconography, such as in the title and on the brothers’ sweaters.

The Hipipo Tribe and The Glistening Fruit- The first of two movies released to celebrate the sixth anniversary of the anime, which features the brothers journeying to find a fruit which grants wishes before encountering the Hipipo Tribe.

Hatabou’s Meat- In the episode “Tell Us, Hatabou”, Hatabou sells meat out of a variety of vendors, but when the brothers ask what kind of meat it is he refuses to answer. Earlier in the episode his employees try to boot him from the company, which leads to his new business venture, implying that the meat is of his former employees though it is never stated outright within the show.

The Soul’s Takoyaki Party and The Legendary Sleepover Party- The second of the two movies released to celebrate the sixth anniversary of the anime, which features the brothers hosting a takoyaki (grilled dough balls with octopus inside with a variety of toppings) party which turns into a sleepover.

Hair Color Change- In the original series Osomatsu-Kun, both the 60s and 80s, the brothers had brown hair but in Osomatsu-San they are depicted with black hair.

Tier 3-

May 24th- The Birthday of the Matsuno Brothers.

Fandubs- Due to the long development time and many delays of the official English Dub, there are multiple fandom dubs of the anime.

Fan Vocaloids- The Osomatsu-San fandom has many popular fan vocaloid covers, some of the most well-known including Matryoshka, Normie Eradication Committee, Rolling Girl, and LOVE 1000%.

Hesokuri Wars/Tabimatsu- Also known as “Osomatsu-San Hesokuri Wars -Battle of the NEETS-“ is tower-defense style strategy mobile game that was released in Japan in 2016 and later being released in English in 2017, before being shut down on October 2nd of 2022 to make way for Tabimatsu. Players would choose a team of 10 characters to fight through stages, with dozens of exclusive events and character variations being released. Many popular AUs in the fandom were inspired by sets released for Hesokuri Wars.

Each Brother’s Name Meaning- Osomatsu translates to lame, or Osoi which means slow- referring to him being the most “basic” of the brothers and lazy. Kara can mean emptiness, referring to his narcissism and chasing his brothers’ approval. Choroi translates to simple, referring to his more average personality. Ichimatsumuyo means checkered pattern (along the lines of a Go board). Jyushimatsu translates to society finch, which are known to be kind like Jyushi. Todomatsu meaning Manchurian fir or “finally”, as “finally” was his catchphrase in the original 60s anime.

Jyushimatsu’s Catchphrase Change- In the first season Jyushimatsu’s main catchphrase was “Muscle Muscle, Hustle Hustle” but in season two and onwards, it was changed more to “Booeh.” There wasn’t any explanation given by the show staff as to why it was changed.

Letter’s Contents- The entire letter Choromatsu had written in “Letter” was never revealed, with only one or two lines spoken by Choromatsu at the beginning of the skit describing what he’d written before later modifying it, leading fans to speculate exactly what was written.

Brothers are pure evil- At the end of the episode “Godmatsu”, in order to defeat Godmatsu the brothers combine their darkness to create Akamatsu. Once Godmatsu is defeated, they absorb only Akamatsu back into themselves, therefore only being made of their evil self. This possibly explains their more violent nature after this point in the series.

AOP Breakup- AOP is an idol group that formed in 2012 under the agency Nikkei Entertainment. The group created multiple songs for the anime, including the theme songs “Zenryoku Batankyu wa Yoiko Dake”, “Hanamaru Pippi wa Yoiko Dake”, “Maboroshi Wink”, and “nice to NEET You!” On December 14th, 2020 the band stated they would be ceasing activities before disbanding in 2021.

Sakurai Drama- Takahiro Sakurai is the original VA for Osomatsu who admitted in 2022 to having cheated on his wife for 10 years, planning to eventually marry his affair partner. Due to this scandal, Osomatsu-San content has been delayed for the past two years.

Religionmatsu- A popular AU which depicts the Matsu brothers as gods, devils, angels, and clergymen. One of the few AUs which was created by the fandom and not inspired by a Hesokuri Wars set.

Sickfics- A fanfiction genre in which one character cares for another who is sick. These fanfics are particularly popular in the Osomatsu-San fandom because of the episode “We Caught a Cold” in which all of the brothers catch a cold and each have a moment to care for the others.

Matsuno Family Dependents- A “wallpaper simulator” type mobile game where the player collects variants of the Matsu brothers and raises them.

Dekapanman- A Parody of Anpanman in which Dekapan dresses up as a hero that gives items from pants to children which was significantly censored due to the controversy and copyright infringement caused by the parody.

Shueisha Manga- Beginning in 2016, a manga series was released alongside the anime. Published by Shueisha in the magazine You from 2016 to 2018 then Cookie from 2018 to 2020 with 10 volumes of stories not featured in the anime.

Only Child Theory- Theory that states that Osomatsu is an Only child with a personality disorder that causes him to develop different personalities that are “his brothers”. As the first known sextuplets to have been born and all survive were born in 1974, many years after the original 60s anime aired. The skit “Sanematsu” is often used as proof for this theory.

Tier 4-

Stage Shows- “Osomatsu-San on Stage: SIX MEN’S SHOW TIME” is a musical adaptation of the original anime, with three seasons matching the anime and having been released on home media.

Episode 10 Controversy- There are some reports of Episode 10 causing controversy upon release for having characters transition to women for personal gain. (Though I will admit, in my research I could not find any comments/posts accusing the show of being transphobic. The only slight criticism I could find was of the ending being too harsh towards Chibita and Iyami’s actions and the episode’s pacing being too slow. I am not claiming that the controversy does or does not exist, or that the episode is or isn’t offensive, I just could not find any evidence in my research of people taking offense to it.)

More Than 6 Brothers- Theory that there are more than 6 brothers as in some scenes in the anime and some promotional material it appears that there’s more than 6 brothers. Though there are episodes in the anime in which another brother is accepted into the group or created such as Godmatsu or Akamatsu.

Where is Orange Matsu?- The brothers all fit the primary (Red- Osomatsu, Yellow- Jyushimatsu, Blue- Karamatsu) and secondary (Green- Choromatsu, Purple- Ichimatsu) colors with the exception of orange as Todomatsu’s main color is pink. This has led some to theorize that there is a secret orange brother. The show creators stated that they made Todomatsu’s color pink to make his style more feminine and youthful, as well as to show that he’s intentionally trying to not fit in with his brothers by not following the same pattern.

Pazzmatsu- AKA Puzzlematsu is a match-3-tiles puzzle mobile game released in Japan in 2016 which continued until April 2018 when it was rebooted as “New Pazzmatsu”.

Doramatsu- A series of audio drama CDs that include unique stories that did not appear in the anime.

Matsus Stay Dead After S2- In the finale of Season 2, the brothers die from a plane crash and are sent to hell for their numerous misdeeds. This theory posits that the brothers stayed dead after the end of season two and that season three is their personal hell. This is a joke theory to explain season three’s shift in focus.

Osomatsu-San the Live-Action Movie- A Live-Action movie with a unique story based on Osomatsu-San with members of the J-Pop group Snow Man playing the Matsu brothers.

Brothers can’t be told apart in 1st promo- In the first promotional image released for the anime, the brothers’ personalities and visual distinguishers hadn’t been ironed out yet so long-time fans of the series noticed that it’s near impossible to distinguish which brother is which in the image. The only brother that is able to be identified is the center brother holding Karamatsu’s signature glasses.

Osomatsu-Kun Grows Up- Technically Osomatsu-San is an alternate universe to the original Osomatsu-Kun series canon, as in 1993 a beer ad was published showing what the Matsu brothers became when they reached adulthood. Osomatsu becomes a salaryman, Karamatsu marries a grocer’s daughter and helps with the family business, Choromatsu becomes a policeman, Ichimatsu marries and becomes a CEO, Jyushimatsu becomes a doctor, and Todomatsu works in a fish market.

Light Novels- Osomatsu-San has spawned a handful of Light Novels and short stories with plots not included in the anime. Examples include: Osomatsu-San the Beforematsu and Aftermatsu, VS Kochikame, and Shut Up Osomatsu.

April Fools- To celebrate April Fools, Osomatsu-San has released multiple fake announcements and fake Tabimatsu sets. This includes the 2015 announcement that the series would be releasing a new Osomatsu-Kun project, the 2017 announcement that a live-action adaptation starring the Byplayers would replace the anime, and the 2019 Tabimatsu set with a Irasutoya art style.

Yamano to Matsuno- The last name of the family was originally Yamano but was changed to Matsuno last minute as Yamano was considered a more “generic” last name.

Tier 5-

Date or Work- Also known as “Osomatsu-San the Game” is an adventure game released in Japan in 2017 for the PSVita. The story has you play as a heroine who gets calls and texts from the brothers asking for advice on their quest to get a job.

Karamatsu is Bisexual- In the first Osomatsu-San movie Karamatsu says “Sorry to keep you waiting, Karamatsu girls and boys!” Also in a drama CD Karamatsu reads off a love poem that he wrote to a male convenience store worker named Kumada Youji. It’s still debated whether the drama CD is canon to the anime and if the line in the movie was just referring to his fans in a non-romantic or sexual sense.

Recycled Scripts- Some of the episodes such as “Iyami, Alone in the Wind”, “ESP Kitty”, and ”The Life of Chibita’s Flower” were based off of chapters of Osomatsu-Kun modified to fit the series. Some skits from Season 3 were also based off of Doramatsu tracks.

Do Matsu’s Smoke?- A topic of debate in the Western fandom, Karamatsu is shown to smoke in multiple episodes and Osomatsu has been shown to be surrounded by cigarette boxes previously but it hasn’t been stated whether the other four brothers smoke.

Brothers had freckles- In the original Akatsuka designs for the brothers, they were designed to have freckles on their cheeks as well as other different facial features. These were changed to make the faces look more cute and easier to draw.

Ichi’s Personality given to Todomatsu- Ichimatsu’s Personality was going to be more snarky and rude than his current more doom and gloom. His characterization was instead given to Todomatsu by Miyu Irino’s suggestion, thinking that the youngest brother being catty would be funnier.

Life-Sized Statues- For the 2016 Summer Wonder Festival, the company Figurex 3D printed life-size statues of the six brothers, with smaller versions of the figures being sold at the event as well. While some have reappeared at Osomatsu-San events, such as the Ichimatsu figure, some have not been seen since their original showcase; this has led fans to search for the statues current locations. There is a link to buy one of the statues from one of the Japanese websites that first reported the event, but the link is now dead and leads to an error page.

Osomatsu-Kun Video Game- AKA “Osomatsu-Kun: Nonsense Theater” is a platforming video game released for the Sega Mega Drive in 1988 based on the original Osomatsu-Kun manga to promote the upcoming anime. The game only had a total of three levels with confusing level design and bad controls that caused it to gain an infamous reputation. It has recently gained a cult following as a kusoge (a Japanese video game that is celebrated for its awful quality.)

Cheaper by the Dozen- The manga was originally loosely based on the TV Show “Cheaper By the Dozen” (an American film from 1950 about a couple and their 12 children) with there being 12 children, but Akatsuka found it too hard to fit 12 characters in a single panel so he decided to cut the amount in half. Eventually changing it to be identical sextuplet brothers.

Denki Mystery- A popular AU that started as a Hesokuri Wars set. As opposed to other Hesokuri Wars sets, Denki Mystery had an entire storyline based on mystery novels, David Lynch films, and Japanese horror.

Iyami + Dekapan Made By Akatsuka’s Assistant- Both the characters Iyami and Dekapan were created by Fujio Akatsuka’s Assistant and later added to the manga.

Rice balls are Govt plants/Destroy NEETS Theory- Theory that the Riceballs were created by the government to reform NEETs to be functioning members of society.

Tier 6-

Six Same Faces #3 Song in Japan- On the week of December 28th, 2015 the song SIX SAME FACES ～今夜は最高!!!!!!~ (the first ending song of the first season) reached #3 on the Billboard Hot 100 in Japan, following the album’s release on December 16th, 2015.

Clone Theory- Theory that states that the brothers were cloned from Osomatsu. (I will admit I cannot find my previous evidence of this theory, if anyone does have proof of someone creating this theory or evidence for the theory please let me know.)

Sheeh Was a Real Trend- Iyami’s catchphrase/punchline used to be a cultural meme when Osomatsu-Kun was big in Japan. Famous figures to imitate Iyami include Godzilla and John Lenon from The Beatles.

VR Game- A virtual reality game collab that ran in Anime Plaza Machida and Adore’s Sunshine Store from 2017 to 2018 in which the player would hang out with the Matsu brothers in the bathhouse. It was later released theatrically as “Movies in VR!” in 2018 with “Evangelion: Another Impact”.

Fesmatsu- To celebrate each season’s release, a festival was thrown which would feature live action skits performed by the voice cast.

Todo is the hardest to animate- According to some of the animators who worked on the first season of the anime, Todomatsu was the hardest to animate of the six brothers because of his more feminine and youthful mannerisms.

Pachinko Games- Pachinko (an arcade gambling game) Games made in collaboration with Osomatsu-San, typically reusing animation from the anime though some have original animation exclusive to particular pachinko games. Examples include: Pachislot: Osomatsu-San, Pachislot: Osomatsu-San ~The Surprise~, & CR Osomatsu-San THE Drum.

Korean Dub Censorship- Due to South Korea’s strict censorship laws, Osomatsu-San was heavily censored by completely removing shots or scenes that featured characters being nude or wearing swimsuits. Some of the ridiculous censoring goes to the point where if a character is wearing a bikini, the entire screen will be cropped to only show their chin and up. Any scenes including nudity, swearing, violence, and sexual references were cut from airing or censored to hell and back (which to be fair is 99% of Osomatsu-San.)

Browser Games- Games that were available through Yahoo, some which were ported to AU SmartPass in the Osomatsu-San NEET Collection. Some examples include: Quiz Battle, Pleasing Totoko-Chan, & Osomatsu-SAN’s Black Factory.

Love Letter Board Game- A board game which players play as the brothers trying to woo Totoko-Chan.

*Matsuno Official Sex Toys- In collaboration with Kanojo Toys, a Japanese adult toy manufacturer, two dildos replicating Ichimatsu’s and Jyushimatsu’s canon lengths were released. The items were meant to be gag gifts but sold better than expected. The official website mocking Jyushimatsu’s girth and Ichimatsu’s length. “Hand massagers” of the other four brothers were also released. I hope y’all like this iceberg because now I’m being aggressively marketed at Japanese sex toys for researching everything on here.

S3E10 Aired on Crunchyroll before Japan- The tenth episode of the third season of the anime was delayed from airing as the channel was broadcasting the TV Tokyo Live 2020 U.S. Women’s Open which had previously been delayed due to rain. Though due to an error, the episode was released on time on streaming platforms early.

Tier 7-

Dmatsu-San- An internet series animated with Flash that aired on NTT DoComo to tie in with season 2 of the anime. The series includes 12 episodes, each at a minute’s length. Each episode features one of the sextuplets interacting with either Totoko or Iyami.

# of Dayons- In the episode “Let’s Get a Job” the brothers work in a factory that is revealed to be creating Dayons or clones of Dayon- as well as in the episode “Dayon Tribe” it’s shown that there’s an entire society living within Dayon’s stomach. This has led fans to question how many Dayons there are in the world of the anime, or if every appearance of Dayon is a different Dayon.

Sheeh-Wave- An internet radio series with the VA for Iyami interviewing other voice actors in character as Iyami. Having two seasons with the first airing from 2015 to 2016 and the second airing from 2017 to 2018 broadcast on Animate.TV.

*PASH Reveals Matsunos fetishes- In a magazine interview with the VAs for the Matsu brothers, each of their VAs had to guess their character’s fetish. Osomatsu- Boobs, Karamatsu- “As long as there’s love”, Choromatsu- “I won’t say” or humiliation as said in a Drama CD, Ichimatsu- Paw pads, Jyushimatsu- “Eh?”, Todomatsu- legs and bellybutton wrinkles.

2 Withheld Skits- 2 skits that were removed after the Dekapanman apology. Presumably parodies of other Japanese children’s media, but no information about what they were have been released.

The Red String of Fate Lost Fan Song- A fan vocaloid that was released on YouTube and Niconico Douga that featured a thumbnail with the sextuplets laying in a circle with a red string connecting them together. The red string wraps around Osomatsu’s finger and forms a heart in Todomatsu’s hands. The song had the brothers sing about their connection together before bursting into tears at the song’s climax. The video has been taken down since 2020 and is now lost media.

*Fetishmatsu- The part of the Osomatsu-San community that creates fetish media featuring Osomatsu-San characters. Please take caution when researching further, because I’m not messing up my search history any further.

*Live-Action Matsu Porn- Osomatsu-San being such a popular series, multiple live-action porn videos featuring the Osomatsu-San characters (mainly featuring Karamatsu & Ichimatsu). Examples include: Karamatsu Maturbates for You, IchiKara Hajimeyo!, and Ichimatsu Spanks It.

*Amputee Karamatsu- An infamous piece of fetishmatsu art that depicts Karamatsu with his legs cut off.

Osomatsu-Sanpo- A Pokemon-GO style game where players would find and catch different variations of the sextuplets through AR on their mobile device. It only ran from February to September 2017.

Swimsuit Hesokuri Set- An unreleased Hesokuri set which has the Matsu brothers wearing pretty plain-looking one-piece bathing suits. Possibly used for testing out game mechanics in updates.

What Does Sheeh Mean?- Iyami’s catchphrase which he will scream out when surprised. When asked what the phrase meant, Fujio Akatsuka never answered, leaving the phrase a mystery to this day.

*IchiKara Endurance Battle- An infamous doujinshi piss fic with Ichimatsu and Karamatsu having an “endurance battle.” Please take caution when researching further.

*Periodmatsu- An image of a Matsu brother drawn in period blood on someone’s thigh posted by the account “Periodmatsu”. It is debated whether the image was faked or real. Often confused for Period Drama Osomatsu-San, an episode from the second season of the anime.

*Banana Milky Way (Meiboku)- An infamous beastiality doujinshi with Ichimatsu and the tiger from S1E10.

*Assault Machine Gun- An infamous 2016 doujinshi by Tellmin in which the Matsu brothers are sexually assaulted and r*ped for not being able to pay their debts to Chibita.

Rejected Bathhouse Quiz Short- A rejected skit from “Christmas Osomatsu-San”. Airing only at the 2017 Spring Nationwide Invitational Screening Festival alongside clips of each Matsu brother depending on which room you entered. Now considered to be lost media.

*Todokaras- An infamous member of the fandom that scammed their fans/followers, groomed minors, promoted beastiality, abused animals, and claimed victimhood. This is just *some* of their behavior. Please take caution when researching further.

Thank you all for all of your support and patience, if you have any questions I will try to answer to the best of my ability!

[phamphamz]

We Are Live

24 hours livestreams are all fun and games (literally) until you accidentaly blurt out that you're in love with your roommate, who you supposedly hate.

Genre: smau, enemies to lovers, comedy, college au.

Pairing: minji x fem!reader

Warnings: language

...

Profiles: fantastic five - the jeanies

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty One

Chapter Twenty Two

Chapter Twenty Three

Chapter Twenty Four

Chapter Twenty Five

Chapter Twenty Six

Chapter Twenty Seven

Chapter Twenty Eight

Chapter Twenty Nine

Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty One

Chapter Thirty Two

Chapter Thirty Three

Chapter Thirty Four

Chapter Thirty Five

Chapter Thirty Six

Chapter Thirty Seven

[currymanganese]

GUYS, I CAN'T ACTUALLY BELIEVE I'M SAYING THIS, BUT WHAT IF THEY ACTUALLY HAD A GOOD REASON FOR JOHN CENA BEING CAST AS SAMMY FAK?

please bear with me (pun intended) and let me know what you think of my speculation under the cut~

In a mind-boggling case of a seemingly big-lipped alligator moment in season 3 - John Cena appears in a bizarrely over the top (even by the tonal comedic standards set previously by The Bear e.g. Ecto Cooler punch at a kid's birthday party getting spiked with Xanax in Season One) and jarring scene that stretches on and on as he obnoxiously squabbles, blathers and exchanges nonsensical rapid-fire quips with his brothers Neil and Ted Fak as they buff polish The Bear's dining area before a food photographer from The Chicago Tribune arrives to take a photo for a review of The Bear.

In this scene, he also intimidates and threatens to 'haunt' (in a Fak family tradition ( that even the Faks find annoying) - that involves pranking and being an unrestrained nuisance to their loved ones especially when they least expect it) his brother Ted for, "stealing his SD cards"......

This scene and the increased screen presence of the seemingly plot-irrelevant Faks this season is currently being eviscerated by plenty of fans and critics alike.

Edit:

I now strongly suspect that John Cena's role was always in the works ever since S1

..................................

But what if there's a (debatable, but) really good reason for this scene and the increased involvement in Seasons 2 and 3 of the massive numbered siblings family of Carmy's pseudo cousins, the Faks?

See Exhibit A:

In season 2, episode 3, Sundae - after Carmy has already asked Sydney out to Kasama, a husband and wife owned restaurant run by Tim Flores, and Genie Kwon*, ostensibly just to brainstorm and gain inspiration for planning for the new menu, and after Sydney has already gone home and freshened up and changed her clothes, then arrived to Kasama early, despite the meeting only being scheduled for an hour after she last spoke to Carmy at his apartment, Claire calls and interrupts the whole hypothetical shebang with Syd and Carmy at Kasama (the Tagalog WORD FOR TOGETHER) with the words,

"Did you mean to give me a fake number? You do know that I know your entire family [translation: she must know Donna too and Claire assumes that Carmy's folks approve of her - and she's proven to be technically right throughout Seasons 2 and 3 ], right? And I know ALL the Faks! [translation: tee hee! they're bigger than you - to quote Neil and Ted with their Uncle, "We Faks do have a particular shape, don't we?😇" - and they outnumber you, you scrawny punk, slay!😉✨]"

Claire then proceeds to playfully threaten to have said "massive numbered siblings" Faks, which includes Sammy Fak, played by John Cena (a professional wrestler, from an industry that is mixes both bawdy over the top theatre, a performance art that values Kayfabe (legerdemain/slight of hand anyone?) and comedy, and an athletic discipline) that is TALL. BUILT. HENCH. AND BUFF AF.....Claire 'playfully' threatens to have THESE FAKS, beat up Carmy, who is short in stature and cannot fight well from all the previous physical confrontations we've seen him be involved in, despite supposedly being a former high-school wrestler, and who has already been seriously physically abused thrice in the series run thus far (not counting him play fighting or trying to fight with Richie) after being JUMPED by a GROUP of assailants, not once, but TWICE in season one, by the Ballbreaker nerds in the pilot, and the Bachelor Party attendees in the season finale (the first season started and ended with Carmy being beaten tf up, Holy Shit! 🤯); AND AFTER BEING SLAPPED IN THE FACE IN SEASON 2 BY HIS OWN MOTHER, DONNA.

Notice the way Carmy goes from being lost in his thoughts but being completely relaxed after his menu planning session with Sydney, and in anticipation of seeing her on their would be inspiration seeking meet-up (definitely not a date, no Sir! 👀) at Kasama, to being tense and jittery and apprehensive when Claire calls him (after going behind his back and getting his number from Fak).

Notice the way Carmy's voice shakes when he asks Claire if she really knows all of the Faks.....

Notice Carmy's defeated and annoyed reaction after he hangs up the phone.

No wonder Carmy is being so avoidant and conflict averse in his handling of Claire in both Season Two and Three, he has absolutely no faith in himself or his loved ones at present to defend himself should he assert the type of boundaries he may have been desiring to have with them for these past two seasons, after all - who can he count on to fully have his back even to the point of physically intervening for him if he gets into a scrape or is genuinely attacked, by the Faks on account of Claire taking offense at or misrepresenting his words and actions to them, e.g. Claire apparently twisting Carmy's self loathing stream of consciousness confession (that she eavesdropped on) and telling Tiff that they broke up because Carmy said that "Claire will ruin everything good for him?" while he was trapped in the fridge?

What if Carmy knows he has to rip the band-aid and call Claire and apologize for his part in the superficiality and disintegration of their dalliance, but is afraid to do so because he knows in so doing, if he is being fully honest with himself and with Claire, he never truly wanted to be with her in the first place?

And who knows how Claire will take that revelation - it probably won't be pretty will it?

And.....

to quote Neil Fak,

"Claire's the best."

"We love Claire."

"I did that." [setting Carmy and Claire up in Pop)

And.....

Claire. knows. all. the. Faks.....

TL;DR

They cast John Cena as Sammy Fak, and the Faks had a lot of screen-time this season because they are the physical manifestation of being haunted in their family's sense of the word:

and a satirical visualization of Carmy's desire for Syd being cock-blocked ; plus Claire is a Love-able Alpha Bitch, and Carmy is ambivalent towards her, and even a little scared to face her, because her henchmen are the Faks!

If you enjoyed this post, then thank you for reading and I'd recommend that you check out the following meta on the way Christopher Storer and Company have seemingly (and controversially) committed to sticking to the bit of lying to the audience and breaking the fourth wall throughout this entire season:

Richie and the viewer - by @whenmemorydies with my add-on in the reblogs about Richie, not Carmy, potentially being Christopher Storer's author avatar in this series (from a post originally written before season 3 premiered.

Fourth Wall being broken - by @brokenwinebox and @thoughtfulchaos773

Claire being a possible representation of addiction, being a habit that is hard to kick - by @thoughtfulchaos773 and my and @devisrina 's add-on speculating that Claire may also be meant to be interpreted or revealed as a bit of a mean girl, to reference TVTropes, she (and by extension Season 3) may be a deconstruction/ mashup /send-up / subversion of the: Girl Next Door, the Cute Bookworm, Nerds Are Sexy, MPDG, Yandere, Alpha Bitch, Loveable Apha Bitch, Childhood Friend Romance, High-School Sweethearts, Sickeningly Sweethearts, Getting Crap Past The Radar, Freeze Frame Bonus, Parental Bonus, Viewers Are Geniuses, Give Geeks A Chance, Even Nerds Have Standards, Beauty Equals Goodness, Face-Heel Turn, Cerebus Syndrome tropes etc.....and a subtler mirror version of Donna Berzatto.

Edit: See my reblog add on to @espumado 's thread on the recurrent 'haunting' theme this season and the possibility of the Claire x Carmy x Sydney love triangle being a Lilith x Adam x Eve allegory, and my webweaving about Syd x Carmy's Adam and Eve parallels. sidenote: Lilith is Adam's first wife apocryphally and in Jewish mysticism that left him, and became a she-demon / mother of demons after being impregnated by the archangel Samael - wait is 'Sammy' Fak a Samael allegory?!!

and another reblog add-on of mine to the thread linked above - on The Faks as the living embodiment of all that is fake in Carmy's life, C Storer's handy dandy tools for slight of hand,

you can't spell fake without FAK.

and please see

Clairecarmy as Ann Veal x GOB from Arrested Development

and with Richie's frustrated refrain of, "Who cares?!" whenever Claire and Claire and Carmy's breakup is brought up in 3 -

see the running gag of George Michael Bluth's (from Arrested Development) family's disdain for Ann and his relationship with her.

5. The parallels between The Bear and Burnt by @ambeauty - a post Season 2 post which was proven to be prescient and insightful given the Easter Egg inclusion of Bradley Cooper's character from Burnt on the photo wall of chefs at Ever in the Funeral dinner in the finale.

6. The parallels between The Bear and Boiling Point - a gritty film and mini-series set in a restaurant which features several plot elements and characters reminiscent of certain character archetypes and subplots present in The Bear - seriously think of this IP as The Bear's cynical, dramatic, older British cousin.

Decision to leave by @anderwater

This anon that recommended Boiling Point to me and wrote about its connections to The Bear.

The difference between The Bear and Boiling Point by @theblvckvenus

The similarities between The Bear and Boiling Point in this reblog add-on to @happylikeasadsong et. al's thread.

7. Claire/Carmy and the Walk In - my old post on the parallels between Strange Days (1995), Can't Hardly Wait (1998, and The Bear.

and @ambeauty 's meta on Claire as a representation of the fridge

8. My post on the possible connection between The Bear Season 3 and Andrei Tarkovsky's experimental, semi-autobiographical, psychological Oedipal drama film The Mirror (1975) - a film which was incredibly divisive upon its initial release, but has since gained wide acclaim and re-evaluation as a masterpiece, and that has had a legacy of subsequently inspiring multiple renowned filmmakers.

9. The Bear series' lead actress, and the director of Napkins, one of the only episodes of The Bear Season 3 to receive almost universal acclaim - Ayo Edebiri's trollish sense of humour and assertion that lying is the pinnacle of comedy.

10. And last but certainly not least with the inclusion of a Genie Kwon*'s, of Kasama fame, cameo in the season finale and the prominence of Kasama being key to Syd and Carmy's stymied relationship progression, courtesy Claire, see

The Kasama of it all by @gingerylangylang1979

@mod-doodles @lunasink @vacationship @chansoooo1-blog

@bioloyg @msmoiraine @nerdyblerd @ripley-stark @uncriticalbunny @prowitchazel @msmoiraine @mswyrr @anxietycroissant @turbulenthandholding @tvfantic87 @laryssamedeirss @tejidaepoque @angelica4equity @inalltheirgorgeouscolors @houseofevangelista @glitterslag

@uncriticalbunny @imliterallyjustablackgirl

@bioloyg and @ambeauty please don't say I told you so or welcome back, I'm flabbergasted that I wrote this, but I want to believe! 😭

P.S. If you're still reading this, do yourself a favour and read @brokenwinebox 's post

New Paradigm

and this follow up

Mocktail is a dirty word

and check out her #the magic trick tag!

and also check out these Sydcarmy and Rosalind x Orlando from Shakespeare's As You Like It parallels:

The Bear as a pastoral comedy

First Meetings

Fumbling with your crush

Separation, keepsakes and lovesickness

and also C Storer really did tell us in the music that this season would inspire

Mixed Emotions 🥴

[hotvintagepoll]

Propaganda

Veronica Lake (I Married a Witch, Sullivan's Travels)—her look is so iconic they used her as a visual model for jessica rabbit in who framed roger rabbit and a bunch of other femme fatale types in cartoons and live action alike. i didnt think i liked women and then i saw her in sullivans travels and said gee i hope this doesnt awaken anything in me! every role ive seen her in she absolutely oozes an aura of "i know people would ask me to step on them" and her EYES bro every photo ive looked at for this submission its like shes piercing thru time and space to judge me <3

Eartha Kitt (Anna Lucasta, St. Louis Blues)—My friend and I have a saying: NOBODY is Eartha Kitt. A thousand have tried, and they've all come up empty and will continue to do so. Everyone knows her for something: from "Santa Baby" to Yzma in Emperor's New Groove to Catwoman to making Lady Bird Johnson cry for the Vietnam War. She was a master of comedy and sex, an extremely vocal activist, and she aged like fine wine... I honestly don't know what I can say about her that hasn't already been said, so I'll stick to linking all my propaganda. Like what else do you want from me. She was iconic at everything she ever did. Literally name another. How can anyone even think of her and not want to absolutely drown?

This is round 5 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

Veronica Lake:

Her HAIR, her FIGURE, her VOICE, the way she wore LEATHER AND SANG SONGS FOR NO REASON.

I don't believe there's a person on earth who can watch Veronica Lake in I Married A Witch and not be struck by how gorgeous she is. She had that youthful wonder about her that almost every Hollywood starlet was trying to achieve. Her hairstyle (peekaboo bangs) became an iconic Hollywood style after she popularized it, and made her signature look all the more suggestive. Also, witches are tumblrs favorite!

ICONIC hair sweep

The US government literally begged her to change her hairstyle because it was TOO HOT to handle and women who copied it were getting their hair caught in machinery

Her hairstyle was so iconic and popular that the war department had to come out with a PSA instructing lady ironworkers with ways they could pin their hair up to avoid it getting bound in machinery. [https://veteranlife.com/military-history/veronica-lake/]

She played a lot of femme fatale roles but my favorite is Sullivan’s Travels opposite Joel McRea, which is a comedy. She became famous for her hair style at the time—she wore it long and parted on one side so it would fall over half her face in a very sexy way. They called it a peek-a-boo I think. You’ve definitely seen Bugs Bunny dressed up like her, so I think if she’s being honored in such a way she’s very cool.

look at her

she's GORGEOUS in her little witch outfits that she wore for promos and also in the oversized coats and pajamas she wore throughout the movie...she's got RANGE

My Grandpa supposedly dated her in high school, he drove her to school in his car every day. This is legend in the family.

She has gorgeous hair, has got the smouldering look over the shoulder down PAT, and is just drop-dead gorgeous too!

Schizophrenic icon, popularized the peekaboo hairdo long before Jessica Rabbit

She’s just so prettyyyyy

So much hot in such a tiny package. She was no more than 5 feet tall, and some reports claim as small as 4'9"

If you picture a femme fatale in your head, almost certainly Veronica Lake had a hand in shaping the image you think of. She came to embody the look of the noir leading lady as well as the sound and the performance. Certified Noir Baddie.

Eartha Kitt:

"A hot vintage woman who was not just known for her voice, beauty, poise, and presence, but also her unapologetic ways of speaking about how she was mistreated in the show business as a girl who grew up on cotton fields in South Carolina in the 1930s through the 1940s coming to Broadway first and then Hollywood."

"Have you watched her sing?? Have you seen her face?? Have you heard her talk?? How could you not fall instantly in love. She makes me incoherent with how hot she is."

"She can ACT she can SING she can speak FOUR LANGUAGES she is a GODDESS!!! Although she is (rightfully) remembered for her singing, TV appearances (Catwoman my beloved), and later film roles, her early appearances in film are no less impressive or noteworthy!! She’s an amazing actress with so much charisma in every role. She was also blacklisted from Hollywood for 10 years for criticizing the Johnson administration/Vietnam War, so. Iconic. Also Orson Welles apparently called her “the most exciting woman in the world.”

"She had such a stunning, remarkable appearance, like she could tear you to shreds with just a glance- but the most undeniable part of her hotness was her voice, and it makes sense that it's what most people nowadays know her for. Nothing encapsulates the sheer magnetism of her singing better than this clip of her and Nat King Cole in St. Louis Blues, she pops in at 2:49. Also I know it's post-1970 but her song that was cut from Emperor's New Groove is likely to make you feel Feelings."

Even with as racist as Hollywood was in the 1950s and 60s, Eartha Kitt STILL managed to have a thriving career. She also once had a threesome with Paul Newman and James Dean, and called out LBJ over the Vietnam War so hard that it made First Lady Johnson cry. Eartha Kitt was talented, sexy, and a total badass activist.

[withahappyrefrain]

opening the door for them or pulling their seat out before they sit down with bob would be delightful!

You had only been at the bar for ten minutes and already regretted all the decisions you made that led to this moment.

Why did you agree to a blind date?

First of all, it was with your friend's coworker. And no matter how much Natasha said it was fine, you couldn't help but be nervous.

You had heard stories of the squad Nat worked with, some good, some…not so good.

"It's not the Hangman guy, right?" You asked her when she first brought it up.

Nat pretended to gag, "You're my friend, not enemy. It's my WSO."

So there you were, awkwardly shifting in the chair at the bar as you looked towards the entrance for the sixth time, anxiety building up in your stomach and threatening to come out like bile any moment.

This was a horrible idea.

You tried dating, you really did. Various dating apps, going to different bars and strike up a conversation, but nothing seemed to work out. Sometimes you'd get ghosted, other times it would end with you curled up in a ball on your couch with a pint of ice cream while some stupid romantic comedy played in the background. You quickly learned that it didn't matter how great the first or second date went, folks will change their mind about you at the drop of a hat.

At least with Hinge or Tinder, you could see a picture of the person and speak before meeting them. With a blind date, you didn't have that, only the information your matchmaker had given you.

He went by Bob. He was a WSO. From the Midwest, specifically Montana ("Don't refer to his accent as Southern, he will go on a spield '' Nat warned you). Very sweet, but shy at first, which was why he supposedly had trouble finding someone.

He sounded nice. Potentially lovely. But you knew better by now, after years of failed attempts and broken hearts.

Sounding nice didn't guarantee anything.

You wondered what Nat had said about you. Probably that only your parents called you by your full name. That you and Nat met through college was also a given. She's had shit luck when it comes to finding someone, hopefully you can change that?

You checked your phone for the upteemth time. 7:12. He was supposed to be here twelve minutes ago. Surely he wouldn't stand you up, considering he had to work with Nat the next day?

The idea was surprising, but not shocking. Despite the intention of dating, some folks were quite careless when it came to a heart that wasn't theirs. You had been on that receiving end more times than you'd like to admit.

He probably thought the idea of going on a date with his coworker's friend was too risky, too weird. Perhaps he looked you up on social media and found an aspect of you that he didn't like. Thanks to numerous assholes, you could list off several potential reasons. Not pretty enough, not interesting enough, not affectionate enough, too affectionate, too clingy-

The list could go on and on. Thankfully it didn't. Thankfully, the sound of your name, said by a soft voice broke you out of your thoughts and made you turn around.

Oh.

He reminded you of the male love interests from those Old Hollywood films you watched with your grandmother as a small child. Sandy brown hair that was tousled in waves, piercing blue eyes that stood out against his sharp nose and rosy cheeks.

But above all, he looked kind. Truly kind. Maybe it was the lopsided, assuring grin or the way his cobalt eyes shone against the soft lighting of the restaurant.

"Bob?"

His thin lips formed into a saccharine smile as he stepped forward, extending a long arm out.

Holy shit, he brought you flowers.

You couldn't help but stare, wide-eyed and open mouth at the beautiful marigolds and orange sunflowers. You didn't know people still did that-no date had ever done so for you.

"I-I'm so sorry for bein' late. I swear, I'm always on time, I just wasn't sure which flowers to get ya. I-I mean, I knew you liked sunflowers, Phoenix told me that but I wasn't sure if yellow was overdone or if I should do something different and I'm really sorry-"

"You're perfect," your eyes widened at your own words, "The flowers I mean! The flowers are perfect and beautiful and traffic happens, it's okay!"

His smile widened at your reassurance and you swore it melted your heart. Heat rose to your face as you accepted the bouquet, your fingers brushing against his.

The two of you walked to your table. When Bob pulled out your seat for you, your heart fluttered.

There was no way this guy could be real. Why was he single?

Often, the conversation on a first date was awkward and full of long pauses.

Not this one. Not with Bob.

He asked you questions about yourself. Hell, he even asked follow up questions. And they were thoughtful.

Bob felt the same way.

Yes, he found you stunning. But you were much more than that. You were insightful, passionate, kind.

Why on Earth were you single?

Bob was determined to make everyone else's loss his gain.

"Would you want to go get ice cream?" His fingers were tapping the table, a nervous habit that you found adorable, "I mean, I get it if you're tired but if you're not, I'd love to continue?"

A downright dopey smile overtook your face as you nodded enthusiastically.

"I'd love to continue!"

You couldn't hide your surprise though when Bob all but jogged in order to hold the door for you.

"Oh, thank you! But you don't have to do that," you explained. His brows knitted together in confusion, the corners of his lips slightly downturned.

How could one man be so cute?

"Do what?" He asked, confusion all over his voice.

"Oh, um, holding the door?" Was it wrong to have brought that up? Oh God, was he going to think of you as rude?

Instead Bob smiled as he shook his head, "Nonsense. You should never have to hold the door."

Oh no. You were going to be down bad.

As the night went on, your nerves disappeared, giving Bob a sweet smile when he held the door open or pulled out your chair.

You didn't say anything when he held the car door open to drive you home, just that smile that made his heart flutter.

But when he opened the car door after arriving at your home, you stood instead of walking forward.

"I....I had a really good time tonight," the nerves came swelling back. You couldn't recall the last time you had clicked with someone so quickly.

"I did too," his smile warmed your body, "Maybe...if you'd like, we could-"

"Do this again?" God, you really hoped that's what he was going to say. You didn't think your heart could handle it otherwise.

"Yeah," he let out a nervous chuckle, "I'd love to do this again."

Your heart soared. Nat now had rights to the biggest "I told you so" but you couldn't find it in yourself to care at this moment.

"I'm not doing anything this Friday," containing your excitement was difficult. You were positive that big, dopey grin was plastered on your face right now.

Bob loved it.

"I'm not either." That was kinda a lie. Fridays were usually when his squad went out to the Hard Deck to celebrate the end of the week.

But Nat wouldn't mind and that was all that mattered.

You two exchanged phone numbers, hands clumsily typing as you both tried to sneak glances at one another.

Once your respective phones were back in your hand, it seemed like the front door was calling your name.

Not that you wanted to leave.

Offering him coffee at this hour would be silly, no one did that anymore.

"Can I walk you to the door?" His voice was timid, unsure.

"Please." It came out abruptly, as though you had lost control of your mouth, "I mean, yes. I would like that."

When Bob offered his arm, you accepted, linking yours with his.

"This is my stop," you motioned to the front door, earning a chuckle from Bob. God, he was so handsome. And his hands were so large. What would it be like to hold them?

"I had a really good time tonight. Probably the best date I've had in...a while." The dusting of pink that spread across his cheeks was downright darling.

"Could I-"

"If you don't kiss me, I might explode."

Normally you weren't one to be so bold. But the ache inside you was threatening to burst at the seams.

"Oh thank God," was all Bob could get out before pressing his lips to yours.

[abyssruler]

plausible deniability

scaramouche x gn!reader

your boyfriend is nice, your boyfriend is sweet, but your boyfriend is also a serial killer. “relax, it’s just a dead body,” he tells you like he hadn’t just hit a man on the head with a brick hard enough to crack his skull. well, at least he did it to defend you? or — scaramouche kills people and you have the world’s biggest ‘i can fix him’ complex. (modern au)

crack, comedy, a few people die but who cares, scara is soft for one person and one person only and that’s you, “i would kill for you, in fact, i have killed for you.” “honey, did you take your meds today?” - scara and reader

You were never a fan of true crime documentaries, or horror movies, or gory shows, or anything that involved excessive blood spraying and lightless eyes staring into the camera.

So, it would stand to reason that at the first sign of your boyfriend being more than into those kinds of things, you would’ve turned tail and ran as far away as you can, right?

Unfortunately, you’ve always been blind to the color red.

…Figurative red, that is, because the red seeping through your couch and the ones coated on your boyfriend’s hands are definitely visible to you, bright and dripping and most definitely staining your pristine white rugs that you just bought last week. Ah, how are you going to explain that to the laundry lady?

“Scara, honey, what did I say about killing other people?” you ask, voice visibly strained.

He sneers at the face of the dead guy sitting haphazardly on your couch. “I didn’t like the way he was looking at you.”

You sigh.

✧

It wasn’t always like this, with the whole blood viscera happy-murder thing.

Your boyfriend, Scaramouche, had this odd habit of being so immersed in the news, a little smile lighting up his face (which you’d thought was cute at the time and, well, you still do) whenever the reporter gets to the local murders that used to have you shaking in fear on your bed.

He was charming though. A little possessive, but that was a trait you also thought was quite endearing—and, if you’re being honest, you still do. Scaramouche had a vast collection of sharp knives, some small and practically harmless (or as harmless as a knife can be) and others… not so harmless. You didn’t question it because he often cooked for you, your brain chalking it up to him using those knives for it.

It wasn’t until you were walking home alone from university that you discovered his little hobby of, well, killing people who inconvenienced you and him. Mostly people who inconvenienced you though, which was disturbing but also flattering in a crazy sort of way.

“Relax, it’s just a dead body,” he told you like he hadn’t just hit a man on the head with a brick hard enough to crack his skull.

You were cowering on the alley’s wall, eyes wide and knees shaking as you watched your supposedly nice and caring boyfriend wipe away the blood on his hand like it’s a normal occurrence. And when he grinned down at the body, something almost satisfied in his eyes, you realized that he was the cause for all the recent murders popping up in the city.

Now, the thing about this is that you should have run away screaming bloody murder, maybe call the cops or even do the sensible thing like break up with your boyfriend who’s apparently a psycho.

And you would have done it, if he just hadn’t been so… so…

He turned to you with concern shining in his eyes, stepping over the corpse of the man who’d pointed a pocket knife at you and tried to rob you. With hands still slicked with blood, he cradled your face and pressed a kiss to your forehead. “It’s a good thing you weren’t hurt.”

…sweet.

And as he pulled you away from the crime scene, dragging you home and running a hot bath for you both, asking you what you wanted for dinner like he hadn’t just murdered someone in front of you, you finally calmed down and saw the truth of the matter.

Yes, your boyfriend is quite possibly a serial killer, yes, you might just be making the worst decision of your life, and yes, you’re well aware this is because of all the wattpad bad boy stories you consumed when you were young, but you’ll be damned if you let Scaramouche go. He was kind (at least, to you he is), he was charming (when he wanted to be), he was a great cook, he was good with kids and the elderly, he was smart, and finally, he would never cheat on you.

So, while there might be the unfortunate addition of him being a little too happy with the idea of killing someone (have, in fact, killed someone, multiple someones at that), he was also the perfect boyfriend you could ask for. He just needs a little guidance, is all.

The next day, he proudly showed you the severed hand of a man who once made you cry because he groped you.

…Okay, a lot of guidance, but you can manage, you’ve read tons of bad boy turns good after falling in love type of stories. How difficult can it be to have your murderous boyfriend change his ways?

✧

Quite difficult, as it turns out.

A quick google on why people become murderers brought up a lot of questions and concerns for you, and while you’re well aware that google isn’t exactly the most reliable place when it comes to looking for advice, it’s also the only place you can go to without getting arrested for assisted murder—even though you’ve never actually helped Scaramouche when he goes all ham crazy on the general populace.

You sit him down on your couch, which was now free of blood thanks to google’s advice and good ol’ handy-dandy hydrogen peroxide.

Like this, facing each other and holding his hands, it almost seems like an actual, legitimate therapy session, minus the whole licensed psychiatrist thing. But hey, you’ve read tons of articles on the internet, so while you may be lacking in some aspects (namely, the fact that you don’t have any idea what you’re doing and aren’t qualified at all to be your crazy boyfriend’s therapist), you’re confident you can just wing it.

“Baby,” you start. Calling him endearments was an advice you picked up from reddit. A kind user named ballz3000 said that referring to them sweetly using innocent pet names can make them softer and calm their homicidal tendencies. “You know I don’t like it when you bring home dead bodies.”

According to another user named yn-yournuts, being open and communicating your feelings is the first step to establishing a healthy relationship and, consequently, a better mental state.

“It would’ve been difficult hiding the body at daytime,” he grouches, but he still keeps a gentle hold on your hands, which is a good thing. Baby steps, you tell yourself, baby steps—even though those baby steps might as well be called snail steps, wait, snail slithers.

“Then you should’ve waited until it was dark or midnight to kill him,” comes your immediate response—wait, damn it! You’re supposed to encourage him to steer away from murder, not give him advice on how to do it better. Smiling, you attempt to salvage the situation, “But, of course, it would be better to not kill anyone at all.”

It’s too late. He’s already donning a contemplative look on his face that soon turns into a grin, leaning in and briefly slotting his lips against yours.

“Thanks for the suggestion. I’ll be more careful next time, love,” is all he says before getting up and abruptly ending your impromptu therapy session.

And admittedly, there must be something wrong with you too, because instead of being horrified at his words, you giggle to yourself.

This is the first time he called you love!

✧

Alright, so operation therapy failed, it’s now time to charge in like a boar. Straightforwardness is always good according to that one article you found in google made by Hugh G. Bawles.

The two of you were in bed, the lights already turned off, when you took a deep breath and began preparing what you were going to say to him to prevent any more innocent people being killed.

Scara, I don’t like it when you kill people.

Baby, don’t show me anymore dead body parts.

Why did you become a murderer?

Sometimes, I feel like we’re a normal couple, but then you’ll suddenly go and casually bring me a bloody finger as a gift.

But instead of saying any of those, what comes out of your mouth is,

“Darling, I think you’re just confusing your constipation for homicidal urges.”

In hindsight, maybe attempting to start a heart to heart talk in the middle of the night just before a morning class was a bad idea.

You wait a few seconds, then minutes, and when he showed no signs of responding, you turn your head only to find him with his eyes closed and sound asleep.

Fine, you’ll just have to try again tomorrow.

✧

You share exactly one class with Scaramouche and it’s philosophy. Unfortunately, it’s also the class with the worst professor known to mankind.

“Ah, I got a low grade…” you mutter to yourself, looking down at your essay forlornly.

Your boyfriend takes one peak at your paper and immediately scowls. “You spent an entire night writing that.” He turns a glare to the professor currently ignorant of the murderer sitting in his class. “That asshole should’ve given you a perfect score. Maybe I should give him a little visit.”

You calmly take his hand under the table and squeeze it, all too used to him casually alluding to killing other people. “Dear, we talked about this. What do we do when we’re having homicidal thoughts?”

He looks down the table, brows furrowed in a sulking manner. “Don’t do it.”

You beam, proud at him for remembering the one thing you keep reminding him whenever he brings a dead body back to your house.

The blonde twins seated in front of you turn their head in horror after overhearing your conversation.

“What are you looking at?” Scaramouche sneers at the same time you say, “We’re roleplaying.”

“Right…” the long haired twin you distinctly remember was named Aether mumbles before he ushers his sister to ignore the two of you.

Oh well, at least you managed to stop one person from dying today. User tojiscrustysock on twitter always says you should take whatever victories you can, so you’ll consider this a resounding success.

✧

When you open the news next morning, the face of your professor is the first thing you see along with the words, found dead near his home.

You turn to your boyfriend sitting beside you, an innocent look on his face as you look at him with disappointment.

“My hand slipped,” is the flimsy excuse he settles for.

Sighing and utterly out of options, you’re forced to resort to the one thing you didn’t want to do. The worst possible option there is. If there’s going to a therapist and potentially getting arrested kind of worst, there’s this kind of worst—the absolute worst of the worst.

“Scara, I think we need to start doing yoga.”

word count: 1.8k

[the-bitter-ocean]

ISAT BAD END THEATER AU NOTES/SUMMARY (MAJOR FULLGAME SPOILERS FOR BOTH BAD END THEATER, AND ISAT/ SASASAP) After a long time brainstorming with friends I present to you.. “THE BAD TIME THEATER AU”!

This au is mainly created by me and @coffeewolf54 / @coffeewolfart together! This is not a exact 1-1 au and will def have some unique stuff in here to better match the themes of isat and bad end theater!

I’ve talked about this Au with a lot of my friends on discord ( thank you @felikatze @daily-odile @tealgoat and everyone else who decided to draw art for /listen to me ramble about me and coffee’s au.)

The general gist of the story and everyone’s roles are under the cut:

|Welcome one and all esteemed guests to THE BAD TIME THEATER! A place home to many tragic tales on display for the world to see.|

|I am “TRAGEDY”- (aka the Playwright and Narrator). Alongside me is “COMEDY”- (aka The Director) to help showcase what our theatre has to offer to you all. |

|The premise is simple: You can choose between one of four actors to see their stories and it is our job to show you their fates! Don’t fret if you are unsatisfied with a particular ending, my dear Stardust and I can reset the stage anew! That being said every path often leads to tragic ends..but ah, what else can you expect from a place like this? |

|Even still..even now I wonder.. if this unlucky cast can be saved…|

|…Oh well. We should move on now~!|

|Without further ado… let’s meet the main cast! |

[ISABEAU: “THE HERO”] - A human. His role is the courageous defender that was appointed by the King himself with slaying monsters and protecting people. He is good friends with the Maiden and has been over the years questioning their role that’s been given to him. The Hero is fairly certain that he has never met any demons before personally but very adamant in the belief that not all demons would want to hurt others. (Though if he were being completely truthful he’d much rather be a fashion designer then have to fight anyone. )

{ MIRABELLE: “THE MAIDEN”} - A human. Her role is the faithful maiden who’s meant to passively fulfill her destiny of being martyr lest the town supposedly be at risk from being attacked or killed by evil monsters. She is good friends with the Hero and tries her best to be a devout follower. A huge fan of stories and curious to see if demons are anything like the tales she’s read in her books. ( Though if she were being honest… she has some doubts about her role in life and wants to take action. )

< ODILE: “THE OVERLORD”> - A half demon (half human). Her role is the (seemingly) cold and pragmatic ruler of the demons, gaining the title after her father recently passed away. She is described by other people as standoffish, she seems to have taken in the Underling and their older sister under her protection. Wary of humans and tends to lean towards keeping her subjects safe by having very little interactions with them. ( Though if she were to tell the truth, she admits to wanting to have a world where demons and humans can coexist peacefully.)

( BONNIE: “THE UNDERLING”) - A demon. Their role is to serve the Overlord and was tasked to help by providing support to their people by creating food for everyone. The underling and their older sister got saved by the overlord a long time ago- so they’ve been really loyal to her ever since then. ( Though if they were being honest, they want to help protect everyone like the Overlord does and not be forced to stay on the sidelines.)

and last but not least we have…

<̶̨̬͕̬̼̼̜̋̇ͅ|̶̧̢̧̛̻̘̱̲̠̓͆̒̓ ̵̰̤̦̥̰͒̾̌͗͗͋“̷̧̼̘̼̻̂́͜ͅT̵̡̤̳̯͍͓̅͂̌̋̅͒ͅḨ̵̡̱̺͍̰̞̅̆̎̀͜Ė̸̹̜͇̬̥̇͋̾̈́ ̶̺̭̀̅̅̀̍̊T̷̹̭̝̺̝̳̊R̶̗̱̹̙̍A̴̻͇̎̀̐̾̊̆̽͑V̴͚̫̦͚̅͂̈́̎͘͝E̴̦͋̈́̿̈́̑L̸̪̼̗̀̾̒͊̍͛Ĺ̸̮Ȩ̵̹͓̻͖̹̝̍͝ͅR̷̼̬̤̖̭͉̀̈̌͊̀͜͝”̸͎̘͆͊͜͝|̵̩͙͚̱̎̅͝>̶̳̬͙̫̘͈̆͐̍̓́̇͝- [??????? ERROR 404 DATA NOT FOUND]

|Huh? Oh my. Well, it seems like there’s been a mistake there! Pay no mind to that dear audience! We hope that you grow to love our actors as much as we do~! Let’s get the show on the road Stardust, we can’t keep our dear audience waiting any longer! |

[hariboz]

here you go nonnie!! took a while again i’m sorry 😵‍💫

boyfriend!gunwook who never misses a thing you say. whether it be a joke no one else heard, a little chime of agreement to something a friend said, an annoyed grumble at a topic you loathe — gunwook picks up on it all. it doesn’t matter how many people you’re hanging out with, or who he’s currently talking to. he always has an eye — and ear — out for you, encouraging you to speak up and if the situation calls for it, even diverts everyone’s attention to you because he wants to make sure you know people listen to you <3

boyfriend!gunwook who laughs at your jokes like no one else ever has. his giggling at your offhand joke alone is enough to make you feel like comedy is your true calling. it’s a little embarrassing when he runs off to get a friend to listen to your little joke, gunwook so proud of your apparent comedic genius he doesn’t even really pick up on the fact the joke really only lands with him — which is enough for you anyways, because his uncontrollable giggles are the only ones you want to hear.

boyfriend!gunwook who is very particular about his cuddle time, and he will play dirty if you force him to by trying to deprive him of his cuddles. uses his whole body if he has to, clinging to you like you’d evaporate the second you aren’t tightly squished against him. huffs and puffs when you try to wiggle free, whining back even louder when you start complaining that you have to go to the bathroom. good luck getting out of his grasp <3

boyfriend!gunwook who thrives on teasing you, specifically regarding things he’s supposedly better at. he’s taller? get ready for all the cheesy short jokes you’ve heard before, your stuff magically appearing on shelves out of reach. he’s stronger? incessant flexing while doing the most mundane tasks. he’s faster, better at mario kart, won against you in monopoly once? welp, too bad, he’s never letting it die. as cliché as his jokes and comments may be, they have a certain sweetness to them when he breathes them out between his giggles, so you don’t mind too much when he’s looking at you like that.

boyfriend!gunwook who really enjoys doing cute little spa dates with you. he enjoys doing you skin care together, talking about your days while peeling face masks off your face. his favourite thing, though, is when you do his skincare for him after he had a bad week. he just lays down and lets you do your thing, and the way you gently massage the product into his face, cooing at his sleepy face truly makes him forget about why he was upset in the first place. :( <3

boyfriend!gunwook who cannot bear the thought of you upset. “y/n” and “upset” shouldn’t even go into the same sentence, in his opinion. he’s your all-in-one stop when you’re upset; he’s comfort in all possible ways. he offers you an ear and just listens if that’s what you want, nodding along and running his hand through your hair soothingly. he offers advice and his opinion if you ask for it, he cuddles with you in silence and let’s you cry into him if that what you need. he’s your distraction, maybe taking you out to eat to get you out of your slump, maybe offering a silly rant himself to have your mind focus on something else, maybe just sitting cuddled up next to you while watching another rerun of your favourite show. he’d play your personal jester as long as it gets at least a tiny smile back on your face... </3

[infiniteetcetera]

My next weekly controversial ACOTAR post: A defense of Azriel, because if I see one more post saying he has no personality or is an incel (but also an f-boy apparently) then it’s game over

Azriel is such an interesting and complex character I think it’s an incredible shame so many readers misinterpret him just because his character is shown is small bursts rather than loud blasts. SO i’m not going to try and defend him because this man has done nothing wrong, instead I’ll provide y’all with a list of moments that prove both that Azriel DOES have a personality and that’s it’s a loveable one:

•He tells Feyre that Cassian is annoying right up front (a small thing but I appreciate it)

• He spent the night at Rita’s with Feyre, playing silly games betting on Rhys’ dating life (funny for so many reasons) and making her feel comfortable in an overwhelming situation

•Even though he’s quiet and private, he confides to Feyre he doesn’t know where he belongs after 500 years and feels he doesn’t fit in to reassure her that the feelings she’s having are normal

•He was reassuring and polite to Elain and Nesta when they first meet

•Acknowledged that it was a risk and a sacrifice for Nesta and Elain to lend them their house and was thankful rather than antagonistic or rude (*cough cough Cassian*) and met them both with a protective regard to Feyre but an open mind about their circumstances

•Is so upset by the mysogny and abuse in Illyria he straight up refuses to go there because he will not play nice and polite with these jerks like Rhys and Cas do

•In Feyre’s own words, she trusts him well enough that if Rhys was ever doing something to harm her/locking her up like Tamlin did she believes he would not only save her but deal with Rhys himself if it came to it

•Follow up on above, he spies on Amren against Rhys’ orders. When Feyre asks about it Amren says Azriel is the most disobedient of the IC (some of them could never) because he’s willing to do what is right over what Rhys thinks is right (hot)

•Gave Feyre such a stunning smile after she accepts the mating bond that Rhys is filled with jealousy and ready to attack (that is to say, this man is very pretty and deserves credit for it)

•Amren putting her head on his shoulder after battle because she’s tired and everyone (including him) is shocked but he’s polite about it and also it just radiates male worth trusting vibes

•Was literally bleeding out screaming crying throwing up poisoned and still sassed the king of Hybern for Mor and Feyre

•When Cassian is trying to make Lucien uncomfortable Azriel KICKS HIM (all the Azriel is so mean/hates Lucien people come down to reality please)

•When Cassian implies something rude about Nesta and Mor wants to join in Azriel shoots her a look to stop (yes the Az that is supposedly obsessed with Mor and her opinion of him) and Feyre describes said look as as if they had talked about it many times before so YES EVEN PRE-ACOWAR THIS MAN WAS SUPPORTING NESTA

•Feyre and Mor both agree he’s the only one with manners

•He laughed at Nesta’s sassy comment to Mor because man respects good comedy

•When Cassian makes a sexist joke and implies Az is thinking the same thing not only does Azriel not engage with his tomfoolery but Mor cuts in to defend him as the only batboy who never says such things

•Just the ENTIRE sequence of him training Feyre to fly. He’s so sweet and witty and charming

•So gentle and reassuring to Elain, offering to show her the garden and carrying her all the way up to the house

•Him taking care of Feyres injuries from the flying lessons. Again just always being so gentle and sweet. He trusts her enough not to go easy on her but isn’t cruel and overworking either

•The entire Nephelle story and just the fact Rhys gave the story to Azriel as a “gift” this boy appreciates sweet stories about underdog lesbians with wings and I love it

•Just him paying such close careful attention to Elain and recognizing she is a seer, him talking her through her visions and helping reassure her she’s not crazy (he knows what that feels like)

•Even though he hates Illyrians, he helps Cassian break the news to the families of those who lost warriors in the war

•Just “I don’t see you spouting poetry brother” “I don’t need to resort to it😩🔥”

•BE CAREFUL HOW YOU SPEAK ABOUT MY HIGH LADY

•Eris uttered the word “slut” about a woman and this man ATTACKED. Like I am an Eris stan and I know some people don’t like this scene but it’s the true feminist energy I need

•Ignoring Rhys’ order to stand down but stopping the second Feyre says something bc this man respects women’s authority (t’s literally an intentional way of demonstrating Feyres power right after she was belittled by Tamlin. people act like he was rabid in this scene but it seems so clear to me he was intentionally doing this to support his high lady)

•Was the first to realize something was wrong with Elain (also has a sweet exchange of looks with Nesta over it, like they are homegirl’s designated protectors)

•Just EVERYTHING about him volunteering to get Elain back. Whether you ship Elriel or not this was such a sweet moment. He doesn’t hesitate at all even when Nesta says it’s a death wish and everyone’s sentiment starts to change.

•Everything about him saving Elain and the human girl. Just 10/10 all around, hot, stunning, sweet, incredible, precious angel of death boy

•Az is so badly wounded after the rescue mission that Rhys and the others who see him are shocked but he refused to set Elain down (even though she’s not hurt) until Rhys takes her and the first thing he asks is for Helion to come unchain her (not anything for himself). Again just SOOO sweet and caring whether you ship Elriel or not

•Another Elriel moment but well they happen, Az giving her truth teller is just🤧 he’s never lent out this blade to his brothers or anyone else, we know it has some special brand of magic and he likely does too and he offers it to Elain to give her a sense of safety (again even if you don’t ship them it’s just so considerate)

•”Chain me to a tree Rhys, I’ll rip it out of the ground and fly with it on my damned back” LIKE TELL ME THAT ISNT HOT

•A super small moment but after the war when the boys are watching the sisters/Mor laughing and Rhys starts crying Az tells him “it’s real” and I just think the intuitive understanding and care behind that is so sweet (especially when Az is so misunderstood by his brothers)

•This sounds more like a hate comment to Rhys/Cassian than pro Az but when Rhys admits he and Cassian used to beat Azriel for hours to get him to speak to them and he never would, I think that’s such crazy determination and resolve and also he’s wayyyyy nicer than me for still putting up with them after that

•HIM REFUSING TO SPY ON LUCIEN. I just love that degree of respect it’s made even better by the fact Rhys asks about Lucien a second time bc he literally assumes Az was joking and Azriel’s just like “nope not doing it” (again people who say he hates Lucien, please)

•Him finding drunk Cassian and Feyre and trying to fix their terrible decorations the just chugging some wine himself😭 he’s so funny AND sweet

•”Sit, I’ll take care of it.” I NEED THIS ENERGY FROM EVERY MAN EVER PLEASE

•Also him telling everyone to wait for Elain because she’s literally the one who cooked and them eating before her would be rude and I just IWJDKWKDN again so hot and polite and it’s not even a romance/flirting thing bc when Elain comes back and she/Cas give him the opportunity to take credit he doesn’t at all?? He just did it because it’s right and proper

•Him insulting Amren to defend Elain (and then blushing when everyone laughs at his joke) he’s precious (and funny af)

•Him dying at Elains gift JMEKXNEKD the IC stresses him fr and he’s waiting for someone to free him

•Him being nice about Mor’s awful gifts even though she’s known him for 500 years and still gets him awful gifts and also exchanges lingerie with Cassian to his (and Nesta’s) face even though she thinks Az is in love with her

•Half compliment to Az half complaint about Cassian, but when there’s mention of all the universe research Rhys does in ACOSF Cassians like “Rhys told him and he instantly forgot” but As is super interested and listens intently and wants to learn more and I just love a boy with hobbies and interests😩

•Small thing but when he first sees Nes in the house of wind in ACOSF he smiles and is so polite and Nesta tells us for like a whole paragraph how beautiful he is and I trust that woman above all

•Also in reference to the above, Nesta chats with Az for like 10 seconds and instantly wants to train with him over Cas because she knows he’d be better to her

•Azriel blushing when Nesta calls him pretty✨ (such a sweet lover boy I swear)

•He laughs at Nesta’s insults to Cassian but holds back from laughing at Cassians✨

•The only one who literally JUST ASKS why Nesta won’t train and also sparks the idea in Cassians obtuse head that it might be because she doesn’t want to train in Illyria (VALID)

•I know people have mixed takes about how the scene is written but him asking Nesta if she was pushed down the stairs feels genuine to me, like he asks the question very pointedly serious and focuses just on Nesta, his vague amusement after is only in regard to Cassians dumb reaction but the fact he asked her and the way in which he does it (ignoring Cassians input and still waiting for Nesta’s answer) shows genuine consideration to her (still a stranger to him for all intents and purposes) over his brother’s feelings

•Him paying such careful attention to Nesta and being the only one who never starts fights with her to such a strong degree that even Nesta feels too seen by him

•Such a basic thing (but it’s not when you look at the quality of other ACOTAR men unfortunately) but when Cassian asks him if he wants kids he says it’s not his decision (like this is why I hate the anti-elriel “elain can’t bare his children” argument, I assure you Az does not gaf)

•”Azriel had never said a bad word about Nesta” and i’m not supposed to stan???

•Also the fact he doesn’t like hand to hand combat bc he doesn’t like getting covered in people’s sweat JEKKDKW I know it’s just a gag Cas jokes about but there’s something so funny and refined about that

•Him being so competitive is hot honestly😩 especially how Cassian describes it as not being in an arrogant or scary way but in a very strategic sort of manner, how he’s often the only one who can compete with Rhys (who was trained for this stuff since birth) like YES

•Az getting flustered and awkwardly walking away when he sees how Nesta is staring at him and Cas KEKKDKE i so highly appreciate his balance between confident and shy boy

•Him and Nesta smiling about Cassians stupidity, being “allies against his insanity,” again, Az just being a friend to her is so sweet (and important given it’s like the one thing Nesta needed in this book)

•Not only does he vote with Cas against keeping things from Nes but when Amren starts saying lewd things about her it’s Azriel (not Cassian bc apparently he could never) who tells her to STFU about Nesta

•Amren tells the boys NOT to touch the sword and Az is legit the only one who tries to listen (the ONLY bat boy with brain cells half the time)

•Just the fact that once he starts training the Priestesses with Cas Nesta notes a bunch of them seem to have crushes on him. Like these girls who have been so traumatized by men they can barely stand to be in public feel that comfortable with him so quickly, he just radiates safe energy

•Also a small moment but him awkwardly smiling the first time he sees Gwyn at training and just trying to act casual to not make her feel weird is so sweet.

•Him dancing with Nesta “as easily as breathing” (again, their friendship means everything to me)

•When Nesta asks him why he came to solstice if seeing Elain/Lucien hurts him and he says “Because Rhys wants me here and it’d hurt him if I didn’t come” like HEJEKNDO he’s so selfless for the people he cares about FR (especially given how Rhys talks to him that same night)

•EVERYTHING about his gift to Nesta. The fact he didn’t have to give her one in the first place (it was no one’s expectation, including hers. on the surface he didn’t even get Elain a gift so it wasn’t just a polite thing). The way the gift is literally SO SWEET AND GENUINELY THOUGHTFUL like he took care not just to get her something but to get her something that would bring her joy and be useful (and is definitely based on his observations about her avoiding the fireplace)

•ALSO when she hugs him the entire room goes silent because they’re just that shocked but he just laughs and hugs her gently and then is blushing after like ANDKEKD

•The entire relationship he forms with Gwyn and how he notes shes competitive and uses that to help inspire her in training and even when he’s teasing her he’s so potently rooting for her too

•Him being nervous about holding baby Nyx with his scarred hands like this precious angel IEKKDKW

Most Offending Thing, His Bonus Chapter (the good and the bad)

•Him scheming about a snowball fight for a whole year is hilarious

•Also him including in his plotting that Cassian would be up all night with Nesta (little did he know his boy only lasts like one round, that and Cassian being so horrified at the thought of Az finding out about him being quick off the mark with Nesta, I just know Az is the stamina king)

•Even his shadows just want him to sleep but your boy is too depressed

•I’m sorry but everything about his and Elains almost kiss is HOT people who think it was overly sexualized or something have missed all the first thoughts we get from like every SJM boy about their LI (ROWAN IN QOS FR) and also the fact that this tension has obviously been brewing for a while??? he’s been avoiding her because it’s that palpable and ELAIN KNOWS IT. it’s a mutual thing it doesnt mean there isn’t romance beneath it or that he’s a creep for wanting her after a year of putting off his feelings

Brief interlude, his offending lines:

•”My two brothers are with two of those sisters but the third was given to another” - the language here might make you uncomfortable but that’s because MATING BONDS ARE UNCOMFORTABLE. we’re told by Rhys himself that they’re often used to “give” a female to a male. the distinction he makes here that Feyre/Nes are “with” Rhys/Cas but Elain was “given” to Lucien is because Elucien is the only mating bond example we’ve followed in this series where the foundation is not love and choice. Azriel does not feel entitled/think he deserves Elain. In this same chapter he feels unworthy to even touch her, stands outside in the freezing cold until he’s “again nothing at all.” Mor tells us all the way back in ACOMAF that he feels completely undeserving of love. Azriel does not think he deserves Elain just because Rhys said so (Az LITERALLY glares at him for saying it). Azriel brought up a valid point (that other characters have too) that the Archeron sisters (who have comparable power) would makes sense all mated to the bat boys (again, comparable power) since we know that’s a crux of mating bonds. Not to mention, Azriel and Elain genuinely just like each other and always have, more so than any of the mated couples even. From a logical standpoint, they would make sense as mates. Even this ships haters say they would be “too predictable/obvious” like SO YOU AGREE THEY MAKE EASY LOGICAL SENSE that’s what Az is implying.

•”Lucien will never be good enough for her” I’ve seen a lot of people use this line to say Az hates/drags Lucien but that’s not how I interpret it at all. First off, all of Az’s other actions (i’ve listed some above) show he’s actually very considerate of/trusting in regards to Lucien. This line to me reads less as “lucien is a bad/undeserving person” and more “Lucien is not what Elain wants” (right after he says she has no interest in him). From Azriel’s POV (and ours my fellow readers) Lucien has done nothing to win over Elain. Yes he’s been polite and I applaud him for that over others actions with their mates (cough cough Cassian) but he’s also never sought her out for a real conversation about the bond, never had any sort of “clicking” moment with her, and still after years just makes her uncomfortable (as far as we and Az know). I think it makes perfect sense to infer from this Lucien is not “good enough” in regards to what Elain is seeking (I think the easiest way I can put this is the idea of “somebody can be perfect but still not perfect for you”). Is Azriel’s opinion a little biased? Yes FS, but also this girl was about to let him do filthy things to her down the hall from Lucien, I say it’s pretty safe for him to infer that she doesn’t want Lucien (and therefor never will).

•”He hadn’t gotten that far with his planning, certainly not beyond the fantasies he pleasured himself to” - I won’t repeat what I said above regarding the sexual undertones in the chapter, but also the reason why Az hadn’t thought beyond this is in the chapter and it’s not because he’s some fuck boy. AZRIEL KNOWS HE CANT HAVE A FUTURE WITH ELAIN AND DOESNT THINK HE DESERVES IT. It’s written all over their interactions together. He wanted to kiss her to have a piece of her to hold onto, not because he thinks he can have a future with her because he knows as things stand he can’t. He doesn’t want to plan to push her/seduce her (like rhys implies) or anything because he doesn’t feel worthy of her and knows circumstances won’t allow them to be together safely. What’s driving him crazy and keeping him up at night with fantasies is that they do both want each other, but imagining a life where they could have more than that and be happy together is impossible for Az because he’s someone who has never prioritized his happiness and does not expect it.

•”I’ll defeat him with little effort.” - Again reading comprehension I beg, this is not a diss against Lucien. If Lucien was the type of guy to invoke a blood duel because Elain chose Azriel (Lucien wouldn’t, Azriel doesn’t even think he would it’s Rhys who suggests it) then YEAH AZ CAN KICK HIS ASS WITH LITTLE EFFORT BC THAT WOULD BE A CRAPPY THING TO DO.

Back to our regularly scheduled programming

•I LOVE everything about his scene with Gwyn on the roof. His vague awkwardness, his teasing of her and trying to be polite, him actually trying to help her train (after we learn Cas has been useless, go figure), and just being so sweet and kind to her in general even though he’s probably still incredibly sad/upset🤧

•This precious boy gets a small urge to cross his arms and is thrown into a PTSD flashback of his father with his mom??? He constantly consciously makes effort not to appear scary/threatening to women because he’s that scarred from his fathers behavior😭

•Listen, I won’t try to entirely defend the necklace thing because I do think it’s weird no matter who you ship Azriel with BUT i will say my best take on it is that it’s a version of self harm/sabotage. Like the only thing that makes sense to me here is he’s subconsciously creating barriers in his relationships with both Elain/Gwyn by doing this which is honestly way less f-boy (a weird take i’ve seen from people, especially given at this point he has no plans to pursue either Elain or Gwyn) and just way more very sad.

FINALLY, sprinkles from HOFAS:

•He’s so FINE in this book

•His silly little things like kicking rocks while trailing Nesta and Bryce to make a point are SO funny

•Him and Nesta working so well together, may not be a point in his favor but it makes me happy

•Azriel loving and defending his mom✨

•Azriel barely snapping at Nesta and then immediately apologizing and saying he loves her. THAT is more emotional intelligence than any other male in ACOTAR has shown

•Him liking club music but also being embarrassed about it? Adorable

•Everything about his interactions with Bryce in this book strike me so hard because you can tell he’s trying to keep his guard up but still has a lot of sympathy for her. I think that gets to the core of who Az is: smart and distant and guarded but also genuinely kind above all

•Also so many small funny little jokes and lines

I COULD PROBABLY SAY MORE AND GO ON FOREVER BUT HOPEFULLY PEOPLE GET THE POINT :)

[tsukimefuku]

lollipop kiss 🍭 kusakabe atsuya

summary: your workplace crush, kusakabe, is pretty dense when it comes to romance, so you try to ease things out with a bag of lollipops.

cw: gn!reader x kusakabe, comedy, fluff, this man is completely clueless but reader isn’t making things any easier. making out and happy ending. there is a bartender very invested in the drama. a little suggestive if you squint.

wc: 1.4k

notes etc.: my contribution for the foodies and goodies challenge. i’m not tagging myself because the voices in my head haven’t reached that point yet. special thanks to @jjk-eugie for inspiring me, i had hit a slump on this (you can read their kusahigu fic that saved my life here). song (?) > sugar, sugar (the archies). I had a lot of fun writing this, hope you enjoy it too!

Here’s the thing - Kusakabe was a brilliant sorcerer. He was regarded by all of the other first grades as the strongest first grade there was.

Regarding human matters, though, he could - and frequently would - be dense like a rock.

To put it bluntly - not a door, but just as thick. 

So when it came to romance, attempts to get his attention usually fell on deaf ears. 

When you realized you had it down bad for him, you knew you were in for a ride, to say the least.

First, there were the coffee attempts. You had to call him out for a coffee around three times before he accepted it - according to him, there was no need to spend money going out for coffee when Jujutsu High provided you all with free vending machine coffee. You had to patiently explain to him that leaving the premises for a while was the actual goal.

Then, came the drink nights. These weren’t particularly hard, given he did like his alcohol, but he always invited someone else to tag along. Utahime had the good sense to stop going after realizing what you were trying to do when inviting Kusakabe out, but you weren’t as lucky with the other sorcerers.

And finally, something about the days you went out together always gnawed at you. You felt like Kusakabe was in an unreadable state of mind. He’d either stare at you when you weren’t looking - fully believing you didn’t notice it -, or be the most unbothered person in that place. Whenever you approached him trying to make a move, he would act like he had absolutely no interest in you.

It was driving you insane.

Tonight, you were both sharing a few drinks after a particularly gnarly day at work, exorcizing curse after curse after curse. It was that time of year, after all. You were a few pints of beer in already, and he had downed at least two gin tonics by then. 

“I’ve got a gift for you, Kusakabe!” you chirped.

“Really? What? Is it a special occasion?” he asked while looking at you surprised.

“No, I just saw it and I remembered you.”

You pulled a giant sack of lollipops from your bag and put it over the counter.

The bartender was looking from afar, and had taken the dynamic between you and Kusakabe as a live soap opera of sorts, one new chapter each week. Last week, you seemed particularly annoyed at the sorcerer and he didn’t notice it - as he usually wouldn’t unless you were literally screaming at him.

“Okay...” Kusakabe offered, slightly uncertain as he pulled the bag towards him. 

“This supposedly has five flavors - peach, strawberry, mango, pineapple and watermelon. Since you always have a lollipop with you, I thought it would come in handy,” you chimed in, sparing him a smile. 

“That’s... thanks,” was all he said, and for a moment you thought you saw his face and the tips of his ears take on a dusty pink tint. 

“So... let’s taste it?” 

“Hm... what?” 

His face grew redder, and you were almost sure it wasn’t your imagination. 

“The lollipops, Kusakabe. Taste the lollipops.” 

The bartender scoffed from the other side, keeping down a chuckle.

“Oh! Yeah, sure,” Kusakabe replied, pulling the bag open.

And off you two went pulling lollipop after lollipop from the bag, one of each flavor. 

After about an hour or so of chatting and candy, he pulled the only pineapple one there was inside the bag and shoved it into his mouth.

“Oh, that’s the only pineapple one,” you noted. The liquor-bought courage was finally kicking in, and you were ready to make a move. 

“Hm, really? I’m sorry, I didn’t notice,” he replied, brushing the nape of his neck with his hand.

“Oh, it’s no trouble. Perhaps I can still taste it,” you remarked, a cheeky smile pulling on your face as you edged yourself closer to him.

The bartender heard your words and stepped nearby, fairly ignoring someone that was calling from the other side of the vicinity.

This was it. All the drama and emotional investment... The pay-off was finally coming. 

“Oh, sure. Of course,” Kusakabe replied, and he signaled for the bartender, which got you and the bartender thoroughly confused, “can you get me a glass of water, please?”

It all went swiftly, much to yours and the bartender’s shock. Kusakabe got the glass of water, pulled the lollipop from his mouth, put it into the water and pushed it into your direction.

He seemed pleased with himself in finding a solution for a non-existent problem.

This man better be joking.

“Kusakabe, you moron!” You exclaimed angrily.

“What!? What happened? What did I do!?” Kusakabe asked in earnest, which just served to deepen your annoyance.

“I was asking for a kiss!” you furiously retorted.

He only registered the ‘I was asking’ part.

“Why not just ask for what you want?! Why can’t people simply ask for things directly?! I’m not a psychic!” 

The bartender’s mouth formed a silent ‘o’ before it got covered with an incredulous hand.

The plot thickens.

“God, you have no ease for subtleties! How is that possible!? Are you even human!?” you were actively yelling at Kusakabe by that point, lifting yourself up from your seat.

“And are you allergic to communicating directly what you want?!” he retorted, feeling unjustly chastised for not understanding something he had no obligation to guess in the first place.

You grunted, enraged, and began stepping away from him, towards the bar’s exit. After you left, he face-palmed, upset that somehow, things went south with you again.

Only then it dawned on Kusakabe you said you wanted to kiss him.

“Fuck, I’m an idiot,” Kusakabe muttered to himself.

“Kind of,” the bartender mindlessly replied, forgetting this wasn’t an actual soap opera on TV, but a pretty interactive show.

“Huh?” the sorcerer questioned, not sure if he heard it right.

“I mean... I can put it all on your tab and you go after... Uh... it’s fine.”

Looking at the bartender, Kusakabe inhaled deeply and nodded, grabbing the lollipops bag, shoving it inside his trench coat’s pocket, and running after you.

“Hey!” Kusakabe exclaimed when outside, seeing you a little further ahead on the street. 

You heard his voice and picked up your pace, taking a turn into a smaller, secondary street. 

“Come on, I know you heard me, slow down!” his steps came quicker, and in a second he was right beside you, while you huffed and puffed in frustration.

“Just let me go home, Atsuya! This is too humiliating. I thought you liked me, but I think I’m the moron who got it all wrong!”

He held your arm and you halted your stomping, even though you kept staring at the ground, thoroughly embarrassed.

“You... didn’t,” he stated, voice uncharacteristically faltering.

“... What?”

Kusakabe delicately turned you to look at him and cupped the side of your face with his hand. His eyes were locked to yours, and for a moment, you felt your heart fluttering in your chest. You could smell the sweet, alcoholic scent from his breath, and that was when you realized just how close he was.

“I-“ he stuttered for a moment before clearing his throat, “I’m going to kiss you now.”

Your breath got caught in its way out for a second before you replied.

“Okay.”

He closed the gap between you both, pressing your bodies together with his hand over your back, and his lips descended to yours softly, waiting for you to meet him halfway. You pressed back against him, drawing both your hands to the nape of his neck, and deepened the kiss instantly, robbing him of a gasp.

Your tongue teased the seam of his mouth, and he welcomed you in, pressing his own tongue over yours. 

Oh, you definitely tasted that pineapple lollipop.

His aftershave still lingered on his skin, and it smelled minty fresh, filling up your nostrils in an instant as your lips slid over each other.

You both parted for a moment.

“You know what?” you said with a smirk forming on your face.

“Hm, what?” he genuinely asked.

“I think the pineapple one was my favorite flavor.”  

With an amused expression, he suddenly bit your chin, planting quick pecks and kisses down your jawline and neck. 

You chuckled, asking, “since we’re out of the bar, would you like to come over to my house? I remember there were still a lot of lollipops in that bag and I don’t feel like leaving them all to you.”

With a mischievous smile on his face, he pressed a quick kiss on your lips before replying.

“Of course.”

-

Tag list: @strawberry1042 @darkfaerietails @jay220a @fattybattysblog @suguru-nugget

@senseifupa @aleigant @gigiculona @rahuratna

[orphiclovers]

The kaizenix arc from Yoo Joonghyuks' perspective must have been wild.

He wakes up as the First Prince, on his wedding day, maybe even at the altar. It turns out his bride is Han Sooyoung, but before he can say anything, she turns the wedding into a bloodbath, killing half the royal family and usurping the throne. He escapes, gathers an army and allies and they both proceed to try and kill each other for the next two years up until and including the day Kim Dokja arrives. At some point during that period he gets captured by the Royalist forces and goes through the Han Sooyoung Sex Dungeon Experience™, but escapes.

On top of this, he specifically mentions to Kim Dokja that this scenario did happen in the alt-1863rd round (!!!) but the throne wasn't usurped and everything past that happened differently.

Now, we don't have any further details on 1863rd's kaizenix, but it makes me crazy to imagine what happened there. Because, even though 1863rd Han Sooyoung and Yoo Joonghyuk were enemies, they almost definitely both went through this scenario together.

Kaizenix arc was the most bdsm yoohan got in 3rd round. But then the whole 1863rd round was toxic yoohan bdsm, so if Yoo Joonghyuk was so suprised about his own kaizenix turning in that direction even after reading 1863rd rounds version, it must be because it notably wasn't bdsm AT ALL. maybe they somehow, despite everything, manage to have a normal marriage there, that 3rd turn Yoo Joonghyuk was reading the accounts of, feeling flabbergasted, while in some dark hideout on the run from his own, supposedly more normal Han Sooyoung.

Like, what if 1863rd yoohan, dropped in kaizenix at the same time, decide to make a truce and go with the romance genre, supposedly because it's 'easiest' (but actually that's just an excuse to live out their unattainable fantasy shh). afterwards they resume their twisted toxic mindfuck games, but for a while they were just had a normal medieval fantasy romance. the tragic, dramatic irony of his worst round having his happiest marriage (mirroring the 2nd round in some ways.)

the absolute peak of comedy of 3rd turn Yoo Joonghyuk, locked up in the sex dungeon, thinking 'where did I go so wrong?' Him promptly deciding to take all this shit to the grave and to never tell anyone any of this context. Iconic

[izvmimi]

All Roads Lead to Love?

Summary: A chance encounter with a young patient with a universe-bending Quirk makes you realize, across the multiverse, perhaps the safe reality you're living currently is missing just one simple detail.

Alternatively - you are in love with Izuku Midoriya in any universe except this one. Supposedly.

Pairings: Izuku x Reader

CW: sci-fi-esque, alternate realities, miscommunication, comedy, love triangle (tail-end of one), doctor, Hero!reader

A/N: Crossposted on AO3!

Chapter I

Chapter II

Chapter III

Chapter IV

Chapter V

TBP