#all of these are supposedly comedies

[idkaguyorsomething]

reading through mark twain’s catalogue of books will be like:

social stratification is so extreme that society will treat functionally identical people in opposite ways for merely believing that they have different origins, forcing them to either be crushed by or perpetuate the unjust system of government that began this whole situation.

even the most brilliant innovator who fights tirelessly to improve the rights of the people will face pushback from bigots resisting any kind of threat to their power that can manipulate the masses into giving up their rights in order to preserve the status quo.

local rascal plays a prank on his neighbors and starts a pirate club :D

discrimination and violence is baked so deeply into the foundations of society that children wanting to do the right thing will believe they are condemning themselves to hell by defying authority in favor of viewing oppressed minorities as humans deserving of rights.

[greeneyeofenvy]

posting an old draft

these are my Executive Producers, aka the Narrators

and @as-thra, I thibk (I’m so sorry if I’m wrong) that u mentioned being interested in the Creatrix lore)

[unproduciblesmackdown]

mused on some thesis about how billions uses Indignity to illustrate that something someone does has failed / gone wrong in one way or another, and how the way this punishment is an Emotional one means that it can't land if the character just doesn't Feel that punished by it, or at least doesn't like attribute the supposed failure to something inherent enough to them to particularly stew on it, see for example people heightening/escalating their efforts to embarass someone if even that person doesn't Seem to sufficiently externally react in embarassment. winston able to truck along while (a) consciously crafting or maintaining some persona, of eternal and irrefutable dignity or whatever else is associated with "merit"/status, isn't much of a priority, when to him his skills speak for themself even though to others this is about their own merit in recognizing independently if winston's skills Happen to have use, and putting him down if he tries to speak to that anyways, and (b) he's also just able to move along from L's handed to him, whether he thinks it was warranted (like that he'll accept it doesn't count if he only thought it but didn't say it) or not (why can't you count to loyalty), when even if this resilience To How Others Treat Him isn't exactly peak realistic, that he thinks of himself in such a way that he doesn't need to be striving for some paramount official status, or think he's defined by never failing or indeed never possibly able to be seen within a "wow undignified / embarassing" framework so long as this winningness is recognized, or so long as anything is anything, is sure feasible enough.

but anyways thought about it like this thesis is just "i am cringe but i am free" like yeah that works

[ozzgin]

Santa baby are you really there?!

*hears a voice in my backyard*

FUCK SKIN WALKER

- you make Yan skinwalker i’ll do anything to get a skin walker to love me … yes I am 100% mentally stable

I'm not sure if you had something horror-esque in mind, because my immediate idea was Reader accidentally getting cursed and continuing her life completely unaware with a ""dog"" everyone is freaked out by, but she finds it cute. So more like dark comedy vibes. You be the judge. :D

Disclaimer: I have changed the name to Shapeshifter as to not delve into potentially offensive takes on native folklore. Thank you for informing my European ass.

Yandere!Monster x Reader [Shapeshifter]

On your last hiking trip, you've stumbled upon a helpless, lost dog. Or rather, it stalked you down to your cabin and spent the night in front of your window. You didn't have the heart to abandon the poor soul and so you brought it home with you. Strange things have been happening ever since and no one knows how to tell you that the monstrous coyote-like creature might be to blame. You're oblivious to everything.

Content: female reader, dark comedy, monster romance, reader is cursed and proud

It wasn't your intention to return home with a new pet. Some might say it was written in the stars, this fateful encounter of yours. You had finished packing your supplies for a day-long hike, vehemently refusing to join your group of friends that would be guided around by a native. They’d warned you many areas of the mountainous forest were supposedly cursed or haunted, so you just scribbled the limits on your makeshift map and promised to stay on the main trails. After all, this was your chance to commune with nature. As the sun begun to set, you wondered if going by yourself was indeed a smart idea, given your lack of spatial awareness and difficulty to navigate maps. You flipped the piece of paper several times, deep in contemplation. Could it be that you’ve reached the forbidden lands? You quickly surveyed the area: based on the stuffed rag dolls hanging from old branches, and the animal skulls arranged in patterns among patches of burnt grass, it was very much a possibility. Perhaps the improvised slab that said “Stay away” in dripping crimson letters should’ve been enough of a warning, but you assumed they’d just been creative with trail markers.

You didn’t have the time to panic. Just as you were furrowing your eyebrows in a final attempt to decipher the map (at the time upside-down), your ears picked up a faint shuffle of leaves. Further away stood a dog, its glossy eyes fixated on your form. A lost puppy? It seemed to be on the larger side, but then again some breeds grow rather fast. You lowered yourself and patted your knees, whispering diminutives in an effort to call the animal over. It remained in place, staring quietly. Alright, then. You focused on finding your way back instead. Every now and then you'd turn back and see the dog, motionlessly eyeing you at a constant distance. Oh, dear. Was it lost? Frightening affair.

Back at the cabin you told the others about your discovery, with a hint of worry in your voice. You hoped the little pup had found proper shelter. You'd expected a similar reaction coming from your friends, but one of them suggested: "What if it was some shapeshifting monster? There's many legends and stories from the area." Everyone laughed and you joined hesitantly, mildly annoyed by the lack of empathy. That night you barely slept, twisting and turning under the heavy feeling of being watched. You woke up tired and nervous, dragging your feet towards the window for some fresh air. That's when you saw the same forest creature, fully awake and tall in its glory, positioned before your room. This was no coincidence. You had been plagued by the guilt of abandoning a vulnerable quadruped and you weren't about to continue as a passive observer. You strode out without a word and lifted the large dog with a huff, carrying it back in to figure out the transport logistics.

Thus started the unexpected companionship. To you, it's a lovely tale of two lost souls finding one another. Most people seem to disagree. Can you blame them? The rescued puppy you often speak of is, in the eyes of everyone else, a monstrous beast by all definitions. It resembles a coyote more than a dog, but even this description is too gentle. The fur is always raised threateningly and the protruding clusters of fangs remind one of the anatomical anomalies displayed in museums. The eyes, oh, the worst of all perhaps, bottomless depths that pull you in until you run out of air. The creature stares with the all-knowing gaze of a human. "Don't be rude", you snap at whoever dares to point these details out. "It must be a mixed breed or something."

Their persistence is truly ridiculous. You've even had guests run out in panic, claiming the dog stood on its back legs and whispered in a language unknown. Or that its shadow would morph into a grotesque man with claws and crooked antlers. Or that they've found it hunched over your sleeping form, its spine twisted outwards with jagged peaks breaking through the wild fur. Rubbish, all of it.

Strange things have been happening, no doubt, but your adopted fur-child has no blame to carry. You've been trying to distract yourself, going on dates and occasionally bringing potential suitors over. They all vanish overnight, nonchalantly leaving an empty, ruffled bed for you to wake up to. "Am I just unlucky?" You sigh, running your fingers through the coarse fur of your dog. It lowers itself under your touch, visibly enjoying the affection. For a split second, it glances out the window. By the time you come out of your depressed slump, the birds should've finished feeding on the remains. He made sure to tear and grind everything fine enough to not leave any marks behind.

That's how curses work, after all. He didn't expect, however, that you'd be utterly unaware of it. He has to give you the credit, not many people become stalked by an ancient curse and continue their life in blissful ignorance. Even more, for them to just casually pick up the haunting entity and bring it inside their home willingly...You're, uh, certainly a special one. Hence the change of plans. He was supposed to torment you into an early grave, but he's grown rather attached to your bizarre antics. And you do provide some damn good chin scratches. He's therefore satisfied with causing anguish and destruction to anything and anyone in your immediate vicinity instead. Since you've been complaining about the resulting isolation...

You wake up with a gasp, wiping your drenched forehead and checking the sheets. The dog is curled next to you, although its head is now tilted in your direction. "O-oh. It might be the loneliness talking...but I had the strangest dream." How troubling and embarrassing. Your beloved pet had turned into a deformed, monstrous man instead, pinning you down and hungrily grazing your skin with his sharp teeth. Your fearful protests eventually turned into shameless moans, your frail body at the mercy of the mysterious beast. It unfolded so vividly that your core feels sore. You stretch a sheepish hand towards your pet and abruptly stop halfway, noticing the marks diffused into your wrist, like violet smudges of watercolor. What the hell did you do last night?

The dog buries its head under the sheets and nuzzles its snout into your soft flesh. Heh. How many more disappearing guests will be needed for you to figure out your situation? He does find your obliviousness terribly amusing, as well as your willingness to clutch onto him despite his unsightly appearance. He was feeling particularly cheeky and thought of giving you a little scare, only to be once again taken aback by your neediness. He has to wonder who exactly is trapped in this situation, because your reactions to everything he does are frighteningly tempting. Maybe tonight he'll finally let you know, just as you're about to come undone beneath his heaving body. Something like, hmmm. "By the way, love, this isn't a dream." He could even add a little "woof" to tease you more.

[secretmellowblog]

On the subject of the Titanic ‘submersible’ that was lost in the deep with all its wealthy tourists— it’s so insane/eerie in hindsight to read this article from the Smithsonian that interviews the CEO Stockton Rush long before the disaster.

Despite the Smithsonian supposedly being an organization that cares about science and truth, and the fact that there were SO MANY obvious red flags from the beginning and so many people criticizing the company…..the article is a puff piece uncritically glorifying the CEO’s obviously terrible submersible project. It compares him in glowing terms to Elon Musk. It is an article about how private ventures like those of Stockton Rush and Elon Musk can and should be the future of the world.

We’ve obviously learned now that there were whistleblowers at the company who were warning for a long time that Stockton Rush’s submersible was unsafe— only to be fired and then sued. It makes sense the submersible was so unsafe, because the CEO in this interview is open about how he has no background in underwater engineering and is annoyed by quote “regulations that needlessly prioritize passenger safety.”

Soon after, the private [submersible] market died too, Rush found, for two reasons that were “understandable but illogical.” First, subs gained a reputation for danger. Working on offshore rigs in harsh locations like the North Sea, saturation divers, who breathe gas mixtures to avoid diving sicknesses, would be taken in subs to work at great depths. It was the world’s most perilous job, with frequent fatalities. (“It wasn’t the sub’s fault,” says Rush.) To save lives, the industries moved toward using underwater robots to perform the same work.

Second, tourist subs, which could once be skippered by anyone with a U.S. Coast Guard captain’s license, were regulated by the Passenger Vessel Safety Act of 1993, which imposed rigorous new manufacturing and inspection requirements and prohibited dives below 150 feet. The law was well-meaning, Rush says, but he believes it needlessly prioritized passenger safety over commercial innovation (a position a less adventurous submariner might find open to debate). “There hasn’t been an injury in the commercial sub industry in over 35 years. It’s obscenely safe, because they have all these regulations. But it also hasn’t innovated or grown—because they have all these regulations.”

The fact that Stockton Rush (who was piloting the submarine when the disaster happened) is on record complaining about the evils of regulations that prioritize people’s safety, and the Smithsonian uncritically regurgitated that rhetoric in their glowing puff piece about how rich tycoons like Elon Musk and Stockton Rush are going to save the world is just…..in hindsight of how everything ended it’s just so much horrible black comedy? It’s like a satire about the dangers of uncritically worshipping the rich.

It is mentioned in the article that Rush chose to make his submersible in a different shape, and with a different (cheaper) material than is usually used for submersibles. The article frames this as a result of daring innovation, and not of negligence/ignorance. This passage in particular, which in context is supposed to portray Rush’s critics as joyless naysayers who were proven wrong by the noble tycoon, is pretty foreboding in hindsight:

Rush planned to pilot the sub himself, which critics said was an unnecessary risk: Under pressure, the experimental carbon fiber hull might, in the jargon of the sub world, “collapse catastrophically.”

And then!!

The exact problem that happened to Titan this weekend, happened on Titan’s very first test voyage to the Titanic! The experimental carbon fiber hull had an issue and it caused communications to break down!

The dive was going according to plan until about 10,000 feet, when the descent unexpectedly halted, possibly, Rush says, because the density of the salt water added extra buoyancy to the carbon fiber hull. He now used thrusters to drive Titan deeper, which interfered with the communications system, and he lost contact with the support crew. He recalls the next hour in hallucinogenic terms. “It was like being on the Starship Enterprise,” he says. “There were these particles going by, like stars. Every so often a jellyfish would go whipping by. It was the childhood dream.”

Both Rush and the article writer treat this as a fun quirky story, instead of a serious safety failure and red flag with his experimental macgyvered regulation-flaunting submersible.

Other highlights from the article include:

Stockton rush saying that if 3/4 of the planet is water, why haven’t we monetized it?

Stockton saying we will “colonize the ocean long before we colonize space”

Lots of weird pro colonialism stuff in general??? This article loves colonialism and thinks it’s cool

Rush saying he plans for this to eventually help find more underwater resources for the US to exploit and profit from

Elon musk comparisons. The article writer does not mention that Elon Musk’s rockets explode and therefore it would be a bad idea to get in one of them, because that would imply it’s a bad idea to get into the submersible

Stockton rush seeing himself as Captain Kirk

The article writer comparing the tourists who plan to join Rush to Englishmen who went on colonialist journeys to Africa as if that’s like, a good thing. So much pro colonialism stuff in this article

So many sentences about Stockton Rush being handsome when he literally just looks like some guy

The article beginning with an editor’s note from years later disclaiming that the extraordinary submersible they’re advertising in this article is uh. It’s now uhhhh

But yeah it really does just bring home how so many organizations that supposedly care about scientific truth or journalistic integrity are willing to uncritically platform propaganda for wealthy CEOS. It’s frustrating how easily people fall for the fake myths that careless wealthy people invent for themselves, and even more frustrating that supposedly respectable institutions will platform irresponsible lies that end up getting people killed.

Rush is such an obvious and simple example of this, and his negligence is “only” killing five people including himself. But to me it feels like a cautionary tale to bear in mind when it comes to uncritical puff piece media coverage of similar “daring tycoon innovations” by people like Bezos or Musk.

[bluemirrorangel]

Modern outsiders headcanons

Because of the way he acts and dresses Curly gets mistaken for an E-boy.

The gang have a communal Spotify that they all pitch in to pay for.

Darry drives a second hand minivan.

Two bit is banned from the aux cord.

Steve and soda have been dating since freshman year.

Darry had parental locks on pony and soda’s phones until they turned fifteen.

Dally basically lives with the shepherd’s he shares a room with Curly.

Ponyboy and Curly are 'secretly' dating.

They're not allowed to be left alone unsupervised unless they're in public and they're only allowed in ponyboy’s room if the doors open.

Curly sneaks ponyboy into his room at night to just hang out without being constantly watched.

Dally has caught them multiple times and the only reason he hasn’t snitched is because Curly’s bribing him.

The only person Dally really cares about is Johnny.

Dally and Curly both have piercings, dally has an an ear piercing and eyebrow piercing, Curly has multiple ear piercings( he wears fake ear stretchers he stole from Claire’s) snakebites, an eyebrow piercing, a septum piercing all of which they gave each other while drunk the piercings were done with safety pins and needles sterilised with vodka (that somehow didn’t get infected), they also have stick and poke tattoos mainly just of stupid stuff but Curly had the bright idea to get ponyboy’s name tattooed under his collarbone ponyboy thought it was stupid but kinda romantic. Darry did not.

The shepherds are mixed (black and white).

Dally’s platinum blonde but dyes it black. No one knows except curly who caught him dying it black with the hair dye he supposedly stole for Sylvia.

Sodapop and Steve run a TikTok account.

Two bit and Marcia are dating.

Ponyboy writes fanfiction on Ao3 he’s really popular in multiple fandoms. only Johnny knows because he’s his beta reader.

Soda vapes.

Ponyboy had a twilight phase and had a massive crush on Edward.

Two bit starts a YouTube channel for musical comedy like a mix between Bo Burnham and Jon Cozart.

Two bit joins the drama club.

Tim and Darry hang out every Friday just to get out of the house.

Angela ran against Ponyboy for class president she won.

Marcia is part of the drama club that’s how she and two bit met.

Sandy on the volleyball team.

Sylvia runs the school newspaper.

Cherry is captain of the softball team and head cheerleader.

leave a ship or fandom suggestions and I’ll do headcanons for em if you want

[delphoxqueen]

The Osomatsu-San Iceberg 2.0!

(Click More For Full Explanation)

*- Take Caution When Researching

Tier 1-

Osomatsu-Kun- A Comedy Manga by Fujio Akatsuka which ran from 1962 to 1969 which followed a group of sextuplet (a multiple birth of six children) brothers. It was later adapted into two anime, one by Studio Zero in 1966 and another by Studio Pierrot in 1988 as well as spin-off by Studio Pierrot in 2015 titled “Osomatsu-San” which follows the sextuplets in their 20-somethings as NEETS.

Fourth-Wall Breaks- Osomatsu-San has multiple moments where the characters will break the fourth wall, such as in the first episode where the characters try to be a “proper anime”, or worship Fujio Akatsuka like a god.

Visual Distinguishers- The Matsuno Brothers have multiple visual distinguishers so the audience can more easily tell the brothers apart. Examples include: Signature Color, Hairstyles, and Facial Expressions. The brothers were given different colors supposedly because the character designer couldn’t tell the difference between them.

Parodies + References- The anime makes dozens of parodies and references to other anime/popular media such as Attack on Titan, Saw, Demon Slayer, Naruto, and Sailor Moon. The anime’s extreme popularity in Japan also led to other anime to parody and reference Osomatsu-San including The Disastrous Life of Saiki K, Love Rice, and JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure. Osomatsu-San has too many references to other anime and there’s too many references to Osomatsu-San from other media, so I just included it as one entry.

NEET- A common acronym in Japan which stands for Not in Education, Employment, or Training, but also includes anyone who is not engaged in housework, unemployed, not seeking work, and not in any school or work-related training.

F6- The F6 are the idealized version of the Matsuno brothers that parody pretty-boy anime. The “F” in F6 stands for Fujio, as in Fujio Akatsuka, the creator of the original manga. In the first episode, their first appearance, Ichimatsu transforms into a hybrid stylization of the 2015 anime and the 1966 anime, but in the season finale they are seen alongside the Matsuno brothers, implying they are separate characters.

___Matsu Boys and Girls- The fan term for each of the six brothers, based on Karamatsu’s line calling his fans his “Karamatsu girls and boys”.

Banned 1st Episode- The 1st episode of the anime was banned in Japan due to copyright law, as Japan has no clause for parody and has a more strict interpretation of fair use. It was never confirmed which company filed a copyright infringement against Osomatsu-San, but there is a theory that the Attack on Titan parody was the main culprit. The episode has still not been released on physical media and all streaming services do not carry the first episode, instead beginning the series on the second episode.

The Osomatsu-San Movie- Released on March 15th 2019, the movie follows the brothers traveling back in time to meet their high school selves and to resolve one of the brothers’ biggest regrets.

Collab Ad Campaigns- Osomatsu-San has collaborated with dozens of other brands on merchandise/advertisement campaigns. Many of these collaborations have created special events and merchandise for Osomatsu-San. Examples include: Ministop, Sweets Paradise, Dohtonbori Okonomiyaki, and Sanrio.

Akatsuka’s 80th- Osomatsu-San was created in honor of Fujio Akatsuka’s 80th Birthday and death, having died at 72 in 2008.

Todomatsu Face Meme- In the episode “Todomatsu and the 5 Demons” Todomatsu makes a face at his brothers for talking to the Sutabaa baristas, which has become a meme that has even spread outside the Osomatsu-San fandom.

Tier 2-

Homura-Chan is a Porn Actress- Although nothing is stated outright, it is heavily implied in her first episode appearance that she is a porn actress as Osomatsu finds a porn movie and seems surprised by the cover before going on to have a conversation with Jyushimatsu which Jyushi ultimately avoids.

Karamatsu Wears Contacts- A fun fact that few in the fandom seem to remember is that Karamatsu wears contact lenses. Although he (and all the Matsuno Brothers) have brown eyes, he wears brown contacts, but the presumed reason he wears contacts is because circle contacts (mainly worn by cosplayers and Japanese teen girls) make eyes look bigger and cuter- which is why Osomatsu insults him for wearing them.

Episode 3.5- Also titled “Episode 3.5: Virgin Heroes”, an episode was created to be put on home media releases to replace the 1st episode due to the ban. It is chronologically after Episode 3 but before Episode 4 and has two segments. The first segment features the F6 in a parody commercial, with the second focusing on Choromatsu seeing a group of college kids having a barbecue and being visited by the Cherry Boys (the other five Matsuno brothers in Power-Ranger parody outfits)

BLMatsu- A fandom term for incest ships involving the Matsuno brothers romantically or sexually. BL stands for Boys Love, which is a popular anime and manga term for gay male pairings typically aimed at women. Common ships include OsoChoro and KaraIchi.

Broken Heart Tongue- A small detail in the series is that whenever Jyushimatsu is depicted smiling, his tongue is in the shape of a heart, but in the episode “Jyushimatsu’s Girlfriend” when Jyushimatsu is crying at Chibita’s Oden stand, his tongue is a broken heart.

Matsus Unknown Age- The brothers’ age has never been specified in the Osomatsu-San anime. They are said to “not be older than 24 or 25” and that their parents have been married 24 years and they were born soon after, so they have been assumed to be around 24 but it has never been confirmed.

Girlymatsus not Related- A common misconception in the fandom is that the Girlymatsus are sisters, or the earlier fan theory in Season 1 that they are the Matsuno brothers in drag- but the Girlymatsus were later confirmed just to be friends.

An Anecdote With Horses- An exclusive episode made in collaboration with the Japan Racing Association (JRA) which aired on December 16th, 2016 which featured skits of the Matsuno brothers racing horses.

English Dub Production Issues- After Viz Media acquired the rights to Osomatsu-San, it came out in September 2020 that the English Dub of Osomatsu-San was delayed to be reworked as well as having to replace Christopher Niosi (Choromatsu’s original VA) with Sean Chiplock, due to abuse allegations which Christopher later confessed to.

4th ED is the only ED without stop-motion- While the majority of the Osomatsu-San ending themes feature stop-motion using a variety of items such as toys, clothing, and food; the 4th ending (the second ending of the second season) uses slow-motion footage of paint being dumped onto busts of the Matsuno brothers.

Pine Tree- The kanji for “Matsu” translates to Pine Tree, which is why the pine tree symbol is so frequent in the show’s iconography, such as in the title and on the brothers’ sweaters.

The Hipipo Tribe and The Glistening Fruit- The first of two movies released to celebrate the sixth anniversary of the anime, which features the brothers journeying to find a fruit which grants wishes before encountering the Hipipo Tribe.

Hatabou’s Meat- In the episode “Tell Us, Hatabou”, Hatabou sells meat out of a variety of vendors, but when the brothers ask what kind of meat it is he refuses to answer. Earlier in the episode his employees try to boot him from the company, which leads to his new business venture, implying that the meat is of his former employees though it is never stated outright within the show.

The Soul’s Takoyaki Party and The Legendary Sleepover Party- The second of the two movies released to celebrate the sixth anniversary of the anime, which features the brothers hosting a takoyaki (grilled dough balls with octopus inside with a variety of toppings) party which turns into a sleepover.

Hair Color Change- In the original series Osomatsu-Kun, both the 60s and 80s, the brothers had brown hair but in Osomatsu-San they are depicted with black hair.

Tier 3-

May 24th- The Birthday of the Matsuno Brothers.

Fandubs- Due to the long development time and many delays of the official English Dub, there are multiple fandom dubs of the anime.

Fan Vocaloids- The Osomatsu-San fandom has many popular fan vocaloid covers, some of the most well-known including Matryoshka, Normie Eradication Committee, Rolling Girl, and LOVE 1000%.

Hesokuri Wars/Tabimatsu- Also known as “Osomatsu-San Hesokuri Wars -Battle of the NEETS-“ is tower-defense style strategy mobile game that was released in Japan in 2016 and later being released in English in 2017, before being shut down on October 2nd of 2022 to make way for Tabimatsu. Players would choose a team of 10 characters to fight through stages, with dozens of exclusive events and character variations being released. Many popular AUs in the fandom were inspired by sets released for Hesokuri Wars.

Each Brother’s Name Meaning- Osomatsu translates to lame, or Osoi which means slow- referring to him being the most “basic” of the brothers and lazy. Kara can mean emptiness, referring to his narcissism and chasing his brothers’ approval. Choroi translates to simple, referring to his more average personality. Ichimatsumuyo means checkered pattern (along the lines of a Go board). Jyushimatsu translates to society finch, which are known to be kind like Jyushi. Todomatsu meaning Manchurian fir or “finally”, as “finally” was his catchphrase in the original 60s anime.

Jyushimatsu’s Catchphrase Change- In the first season Jyushimatsu’s main catchphrase was “Muscle Muscle, Hustle Hustle” but in season two and onwards, it was changed more to “Booeh.” There wasn’t any explanation given by the show staff as to why it was changed.

Letter’s Contents- The entire letter Choromatsu had written in “Letter” was never revealed, with only one or two lines spoken by Choromatsu at the beginning of the skit describing what he’d written before later modifying it, leading fans to speculate exactly what was written.

Brothers are pure evil- At the end of the episode “Godmatsu”, in order to defeat Godmatsu the brothers combine their darkness to create Akamatsu. Once Godmatsu is defeated, they absorb only Akamatsu back into themselves, therefore only being made of their evil self. This possibly explains their more violent nature after this point in the series.

AOP Breakup- AOP is an idol group that formed in 2012 under the agency Nikkei Entertainment. The group created multiple songs for the anime, including the theme songs “Zenryoku Batankyu wa Yoiko Dake”, “Hanamaru Pippi wa Yoiko Dake”, “Maboroshi Wink”, and “nice to NEET You!” On December 14th, 2020 the band stated they would be ceasing activities before disbanding in 2021.

Sakurai Drama- Takahiro Sakurai is the original VA for Osomatsu who admitted in 2022 to having cheated on his wife for 10 years, planning to eventually marry his affair partner. Due to this scandal, Osomatsu-San content has been delayed for the past two years.

Religionmatsu- A popular AU which depicts the Matsu brothers as gods, devils, angels, and clergymen. One of the few AUs which was created by the fandom and not inspired by a Hesokuri Wars set.

Sickfics- A fanfiction genre in which one character cares for another who is sick. These fanfics are particularly popular in the Osomatsu-San fandom because of the episode “We Caught a Cold” in which all of the brothers catch a cold and each have a moment to care for the others.

Matsuno Family Dependents- A “wallpaper simulator” type mobile game where the player collects variants of the Matsu brothers and raises them.

Dekapanman- A Parody of Anpanman in which Dekapan dresses up as a hero that gives items from pants to children which was significantly censored due to the controversy and copyright infringement caused by the parody.

Shueisha Manga- Beginning in 2016, a manga series was released alongside the anime. Published by Shueisha in the magazine You from 2016 to 2018 then Cookie from 2018 to 2020 with 10 volumes of stories not featured in the anime.

Only Child Theory- Theory that states that Osomatsu is an Only child with a personality disorder that causes him to develop different personalities that are “his brothers”. As the first known sextuplets to have been born and all survive were born in 1974, many years after the original 60s anime aired. The skit “Sanematsu” is often used as proof for this theory.

Tier 4-

Stage Shows- “Osomatsu-San on Stage: SIX MEN’S SHOW TIME” is a musical adaptation of the original anime, with three seasons matching the anime and having been released on home media.

Episode 10 Controversy- There are some reports of Episode 10 causing controversy upon release for having characters transition to women for personal gain. (Though I will admit, in my research I could not find any comments/posts accusing the show of being transphobic. The only slight criticism I could find was of the ending being too harsh towards Chibita and Iyami’s actions and the episode’s pacing being too slow. I am not claiming that the controversy does or does not exist, or that the episode is or isn’t offensive, I just could not find any evidence in my research of people taking offense to it.)

More Than 6 Brothers- Theory that there are more than 6 brothers as in some scenes in the anime and some promotional material it appears that there’s more than 6 brothers. Though there are episodes in the anime in which another brother is accepted into the group or created such as Godmatsu or Akamatsu.

Where is Orange Matsu?- The brothers all fit the primary (Red- Osomatsu, Yellow- Jyushimatsu, Blue- Karamatsu) and secondary (Green- Choromatsu, Purple- Ichimatsu) colors with the exception of orange as Todomatsu’s main color is pink. This has led some to theorize that there is a secret orange brother. The show creators stated that they made Todomatsu’s color pink to make his style more feminine and youthful, as well as to show that he’s intentionally trying to not fit in with his brothers by not following the same pattern.

Pazzmatsu- AKA Puzzlematsu is a match-3-tiles puzzle mobile game released in Japan in 2016 which continued until April 2018 when it was rebooted as “New Pazzmatsu”.

Doramatsu- A series of audio drama CDs that include unique stories that did not appear in the anime.

Matsus Stay Dead After S2- In the finale of Season 2, the brothers die from a plane crash and are sent to hell for their numerous misdeeds. This theory posits that the brothers stayed dead after the end of season two and that season three is their personal hell. This is a joke theory to explain season three’s shift in focus.

Osomatsu-San the Live-Action Movie- A Live-Action movie with a unique story based on Osomatsu-San with members of the J-Pop group Snow Man playing the Matsu brothers.

Brothers can’t be told apart in 1st promo- In the first promotional image released for the anime, the brothers’ personalities and visual distinguishers hadn’t been ironed out yet so long-time fans of the series noticed that it’s near impossible to distinguish which brother is which in the image. The only brother that is able to be identified is the center brother holding Karamatsu’s signature glasses.

Osomatsu-Kun Grows Up- Technically Osomatsu-San is an alternate universe to the original Osomatsu-Kun series canon, as in 1993 a beer ad was published showing what the Matsu brothers became when they reached adulthood. Osomatsu becomes a salaryman, Karamatsu marries a grocer’s daughter and helps with the family business, Choromatsu becomes a policeman, Ichimatsu marries and becomes a CEO, Jyushimatsu becomes a doctor, and Todomatsu works in a fish market.

Light Novels- Osomatsu-San has spawned a handful of Light Novels and short stories with plots not included in the anime. Examples include: Osomatsu-San the Beforematsu and Aftermatsu, VS Kochikame, and Shut Up Osomatsu.

April Fools- To celebrate April Fools, Osomatsu-San has released multiple fake announcements and fake Tabimatsu sets. This includes the 2015 announcement that the series would be releasing a new Osomatsu-Kun project, the 2017 announcement that a live-action adaptation starring the Byplayers would replace the anime, and the 2019 Tabimatsu set with a Irasutoya art style.

Yamano to Matsuno- The last name of the family was originally Yamano but was changed to Matsuno last minute as Yamano was considered a more “generic” last name.

Tier 5-

Date or Work- Also known as “Osomatsu-San the Game” is an adventure game released in Japan in 2017 for the PSVita. The story has you play as a heroine who gets calls and texts from the brothers asking for advice on their quest to get a job.

Karamatsu is Bisexual- In the first Osomatsu-San movie Karamatsu says “Sorry to keep you waiting, Karamatsu girls and boys!” Also in a drama CD Karamatsu reads off a love poem that he wrote to a male convenience store worker named Kumada Youji. It’s still debated whether the drama CD is canon to the anime and if the line in the movie was just referring to his fans in a non-romantic or sexual sense.

Recycled Scripts- Some of the episodes such as “Iyami, Alone in the Wind”, “ESP Kitty”, and ”The Life of Chibita’s Flower” were based off of chapters of Osomatsu-Kun modified to fit the series. Some skits from Season 3 were also based off of Doramatsu tracks.

Do Matsu’s Smoke?- A topic of debate in the Western fandom, Karamatsu is shown to smoke in multiple episodes and Osomatsu has been shown to be surrounded by cigarette boxes previously but it hasn’t been stated whether the other four brothers smoke.

Brothers had freckles- In the original Akatsuka designs for the brothers, they were designed to have freckles on their cheeks as well as other different facial features. These were changed to make the faces look more cute and easier to draw.

Ichi’s Personality given to Todomatsu- Ichimatsu’s Personality was going to be more snarky and rude than his current more doom and gloom. His characterization was instead given to Todomatsu by Miyu Irino’s suggestion, thinking that the youngest brother being catty would be funnier.

Life-Sized Statues- For the 2016 Summer Wonder Festival, the company Figurex 3D printed life-size statues of the six brothers, with smaller versions of the figures being sold at the event as well. While some have reappeared at Osomatsu-San events, such as the Ichimatsu figure, some have not been seen since their original showcase; this has led fans to search for the statues current locations. There is a link to buy one of the statues from one of the Japanese websites that first reported the event, but the link is now dead and leads to an error page.

Osomatsu-Kun Video Game- AKA “Osomatsu-Kun: Nonsense Theater” is a platforming video game released for the Sega Mega Drive in 1988 based on the original Osomatsu-Kun manga to promote the upcoming anime. The game only had a total of three levels with confusing level design and bad controls that caused it to gain an infamous reputation. It has recently gained a cult following as a kusoge (a Japanese video game that is celebrated for its awful quality.)

Cheaper by the Dozen- The manga was originally loosely based on the TV Show “Cheaper By the Dozen” (an American film from 1950 about a couple and their 12 children) with there being 12 children, but Akatsuka found it too hard to fit 12 characters in a single panel so he decided to cut the amount in half. Eventually changing it to be identical sextuplet brothers.

Denki Mystery- A popular AU that started as a Hesokuri Wars set. As opposed to other Hesokuri Wars sets, Denki Mystery had an entire storyline based on mystery novels, David Lynch films, and Japanese horror.

Iyami + Dekapan Made By Akatsuka’s Assistant- Both the characters Iyami and Dekapan were created by Fujio Akatsuka’s Assistant and later added to the manga.

Rice balls are Govt plants/Destroy NEETS Theory- Theory that the Riceballs were created by the government to reform NEETs to be functioning members of society.

Tier 6-

Six Same Faces #3 Song in Japan- On the week of December 28th, 2015 the song SIX SAME FACES ～今夜は最高!!!!!!~ (the first ending song of the first season) reached #3 on the Billboard Hot 100 in Japan, following the album’s release on December 16th, 2015.

Clone Theory- Theory that states that the brothers were cloned from Osomatsu. (I will admit I cannot find my previous evidence of this theory, if anyone does have proof of someone creating this theory or evidence for the theory please let me know.)

Sheeh Was a Real Trend- Iyami’s catchphrase/punchline used to be a cultural meme when Osomatsu-Kun was big in Japan. Famous figures to imitate Iyami include Godzilla and John Lenon from The Beatles.

VR Game- A virtual reality game collab that ran in Anime Plaza Machida and Adore’s Sunshine Store from 2017 to 2018 in which the player would hang out with the Matsu brothers in the bathhouse. It was later released theatrically as “Movies in VR!” in 2018 with “Evangelion: Another Impact”.

Fesmatsu- To celebrate each season’s release, a festival was thrown which would feature live action skits performed by the voice cast.

Todo is the hardest to animate- According to some of the animators who worked on the first season of the anime, Todomatsu was the hardest to animate of the six brothers because of his more feminine and youthful mannerisms.

Pachinko Games- Pachinko (an arcade gambling game) Games made in collaboration with Osomatsu-San, typically reusing animation from the anime though some have original animation exclusive to particular pachinko games. Examples include: Pachislot: Osomatsu-San, Pachislot: Osomatsu-San ~The Surprise~, & CR Osomatsu-San THE Drum.

Korean Dub Censorship- Due to South Korea’s strict censorship laws, Osomatsu-San was heavily censored by completely removing shots or scenes that featured characters being nude or wearing swimsuits. Some of the ridiculous censoring goes to the point where if a character is wearing a bikini, the entire screen will be cropped to only show their chin and up. Any scenes including nudity, swearing, violence, and sexual references were cut from airing or censored to hell and back (which to be fair is 99% of Osomatsu-San.)

Browser Games- Games that were available through Yahoo, some which were ported to AU SmartPass in the Osomatsu-San NEET Collection. Some examples include: Quiz Battle, Pleasing Totoko-Chan, & Osomatsu-SAN’s Black Factory.

Love Letter Board Game- A board game which players play as the brothers trying to woo Totoko-Chan.

*Matsuno Official Sex Toys- In collaboration with Kanojo Toys, a Japanese adult toy manufacturer, two dildos replicating Ichimatsu’s and Jyushimatsu’s canon lengths were released. The items were meant to be gag gifts but sold better than expected. The official website mocking Jyushimatsu’s girth and Ichimatsu’s length. “Hand massagers” of the other four brothers were also released. I hope y’all like this iceberg because now I’m being aggressively marketed at Japanese sex toys for researching everything on here.

S3E10 Aired on Crunchyroll before Japan- The tenth episode of the third season of the anime was delayed from airing as the channel was broadcasting the TV Tokyo Live 2020 U.S. Women’s Open which had previously been delayed due to rain. Though due to an error, the episode was released on time on streaming platforms early.

Tier 7-

Dmatsu-San- An internet series animated with Flash that aired on NTT DoComo to tie in with season 2 of the anime. The series includes 12 episodes, each at a minute’s length. Each episode features one of the sextuplets interacting with either Totoko or Iyami.

# of Dayons- In the episode “Let’s Get a Job” the brothers work in a factory that is revealed to be creating Dayons or clones of Dayon- as well as in the episode “Dayon Tribe” it’s shown that there’s an entire society living within Dayon’s stomach. This has led fans to question how many Dayons there are in the world of the anime, or if every appearance of Dayon is a different Dayon.

Sheeh-Wave- An internet radio series with the VA for Iyami interviewing other voice actors in character as Iyami. Having two seasons with the first airing from 2015 to 2016 and the second airing from 2017 to 2018 broadcast on Animate.TV.

*PASH Reveals Matsunos fetishes- In a magazine interview with the VAs for the Matsu brothers, each of their VAs had to guess their character’s fetish. Osomatsu- Boobs, Karamatsu- “As long as there’s love”, Choromatsu- “I won’t say” or humiliation as said in a Drama CD, Ichimatsu- Paw pads, Jyushimatsu- “Eh?”, Todomatsu- legs and bellybutton wrinkles.

2 Withheld Skits- 2 skits that were removed after the Dekapanman apology. Presumably parodies of other Japanese children’s media, but no information about what they were have been released.

The Red String of Fate Lost Fan Song- A fan vocaloid that was released on YouTube and Niconico Douga that featured a thumbnail with the sextuplets laying in a circle with a red string connecting them together. The red string wraps around Osomatsu’s finger and forms a heart in Todomatsu’s hands. The song had the brothers sing about their connection together before bursting into tears at the song’s climax. The video has been taken down since 2020 and is now lost media.

*Fetishmatsu- The part of the Osomatsu-San community that creates fetish media featuring Osomatsu-San characters. Please take caution when researching further, because I’m not messing up my search history any further.

*Live-Action Matsu Porn- Osomatsu-San being such a popular series, multiple live-action porn videos featuring the Osomatsu-San characters (mainly featuring Karamatsu & Ichimatsu). Examples include: Karamatsu Maturbates for You, IchiKara Hajimeyo!, and Ichimatsu Spanks It.

*Amputee Karamatsu- An infamous piece of fetishmatsu art that depicts Karamatsu with his legs cut off.

Osomatsu-Sanpo- A Pokemon-GO style game where players would find and catch different variations of the sextuplets through AR on their mobile device. It only ran from February to September 2017.

Swimsuit Hesokuri Set- An unreleased Hesokuri set which has the Matsu brothers wearing pretty plain-looking one-piece bathing suits. Possibly used for testing out game mechanics in updates.

What Does Sheeh Mean?- Iyami’s catchphrase which he will scream out when surprised. When asked what the phrase meant, Fujio Akatsuka never answered, leaving the phrase a mystery to this day.

*IchiKara Endurance Battle- An infamous doujinshi piss fic with Ichimatsu and Karamatsu having an “endurance battle.” Please take caution when researching further.

*Periodmatsu- An image of a Matsu brother drawn in period blood on someone’s thigh posted by the account “Periodmatsu”. It is debated whether the image was faked or real. Often confused for Period Drama Osomatsu-San, an episode from the second season of the anime.

*Banana Milky Way (Meiboku)- An infamous beastiality doujinshi with Ichimatsu and the tiger from S1E10.

*Assault Machine Gun- An infamous 2016 doujinshi by Tellmin in which the Matsu brothers are sexually assaulted and r*ped for not being able to pay their debts to Chibita.

Rejected Bathhouse Quiz Short- A rejected skit from “Christmas Osomatsu-San”. Airing only at the 2017 Spring Nationwide Invitational Screening Festival alongside clips of each Matsu brother depending on which room you entered. Now considered to be lost media.

*Todokaras- An infamous member of the fandom that scammed their fans/followers, groomed minors, promoted beastiality, abused animals, and claimed victimhood. This is just *some* of their behavior. Please take caution when researching further.

Thank you all for all of your support and patience, if you have any questions I will try to answer to the best of my ability!

[phamphamz]

We Are Live

24 hours livestreams are all fun and games (literally) until you accidentaly blurt out that you're in love with your roommate, who you supposedly hate.

Genre: smau, enemies to lovers, comedy, college au.

Pairing: minji x fem!reader

Warnings: language

...

Profiles: fantastic five - the jeanies

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty One

Chapter Twenty Two

Chapter Twenty Three

Chapter Twenty Four

Chapter Twenty Five

Chapter Twenty Six

Chapter Twenty Seven

Chapter Twenty Eight

Chapter Twenty Nine

Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty One

Chapter Thirty Two

Chapter Thirty Three

Chapter Thirty Four

Chapter Thirty Five

Chapter Thirty Six

Chapter Thirty Seven

Chapter Thirty Eight

Chapter Thirty Nine

Chapter Forty

Chapter Forty One

[hotvintagepoll]

Propaganda

Veronica Lake (I Married a Witch, Sullivan's Travels)—her look is so iconic they used her as a visual model for jessica rabbit in who framed roger rabbit and a bunch of other femme fatale types in cartoons and live action alike. i didnt think i liked women and then i saw her in sullivans travels and said gee i hope this doesnt awaken anything in me! every role ive seen her in she absolutely oozes an aura of "i know people would ask me to step on them" and her EYES bro every photo ive looked at for this submission its like shes piercing thru time and space to judge me <3

Eartha Kitt (Anna Lucasta, St. Louis Blues)—My friend and I have a saying: NOBODY is Eartha Kitt. A thousand have tried, and they've all come up empty and will continue to do so. Everyone knows her for something: from "Santa Baby" to Yzma in Emperor's New Groove to Catwoman to making Lady Bird Johnson cry for the Vietnam War. She was a master of comedy and sex, an extremely vocal activist, and she aged like fine wine... I honestly don't know what I can say about her that hasn't already been said, so I'll stick to linking all my propaganda. Like what else do you want from me. She was iconic at everything she ever did. Literally name another. How can anyone even think of her and not want to absolutely drown?

This is round 5 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

Veronica Lake:

Her HAIR, her FIGURE, her VOICE, the way she wore LEATHER AND SANG SONGS FOR NO REASON.

I don't believe there's a person on earth who can watch Veronica Lake in I Married A Witch and not be struck by how gorgeous she is. She had that youthful wonder about her that almost every Hollywood starlet was trying to achieve. Her hairstyle (peekaboo bangs) became an iconic Hollywood style after she popularized it, and made her signature look all the more suggestive. Also, witches are tumblrs favorite!

ICONIC hair sweep

The US government literally begged her to change her hairstyle because it was TOO HOT to handle and women who copied it were getting their hair caught in machinery

Her hairstyle was so iconic and popular that the war department had to come out with a PSA instructing lady ironworkers with ways they could pin their hair up to avoid it getting bound in machinery. [https://veteranlife.com/military-history/veronica-lake/]

She played a lot of femme fatale roles but my favorite is Sullivan’s Travels opposite Joel McRea, which is a comedy. She became famous for her hair style at the time—she wore it long and parted on one side so it would fall over half her face in a very sexy way. They called it a peek-a-boo I think. You’ve definitely seen Bugs Bunny dressed up like her, so I think if she’s being honored in such a way she’s very cool.

look at her

she's GORGEOUS in her little witch outfits that she wore for promos and also in the oversized coats and pajamas she wore throughout the movie...she's got RANGE

My Grandpa supposedly dated her in high school, he drove her to school in his car every day. This is legend in the family.

She has gorgeous hair, has got the smouldering look over the shoulder down PAT, and is just drop-dead gorgeous too!

Schizophrenic icon, popularized the peekaboo hairdo long before Jessica Rabbit

She’s just so prettyyyyy

So much hot in such a tiny package. She was no more than 5 feet tall, and some reports claim as small as 4'9"

If you picture a femme fatale in your head, almost certainly Veronica Lake had a hand in shaping the image you think of. She came to embody the look of the noir leading lady as well as the sound and the performance. Certified Noir Baddie.

Eartha Kitt:

"A hot vintage woman who was not just known for her voice, beauty, poise, and presence, but also her unapologetic ways of speaking about how she was mistreated in the show business as a girl who grew up on cotton fields in South Carolina in the 1930s through the 1940s coming to Broadway first and then Hollywood."

"Have you watched her sing?? Have you seen her face?? Have you heard her talk?? How could you not fall instantly in love. She makes me incoherent with how hot she is."

"She can ACT she can SING she can speak FOUR LANGUAGES she is a GODDESS!!! Although she is (rightfully) remembered for her singing, TV appearances (Catwoman my beloved), and later film roles, her early appearances in film are no less impressive or noteworthy!! She’s an amazing actress with so much charisma in every role. She was also blacklisted from Hollywood for 10 years for criticizing the Johnson administration/Vietnam War, so. Iconic. Also Orson Welles apparently called her “the most exciting woman in the world.”

"She had such a stunning, remarkable appearance, like she could tear you to shreds with just a glance- but the most undeniable part of her hotness was her voice, and it makes sense that it's what most people nowadays know her for. Nothing encapsulates the sheer magnetism of her singing better than this clip of her and Nat King Cole in St. Louis Blues, she pops in at 2:49. Also I know it's post-1970 but her song that was cut from Emperor's New Groove is likely to make you feel Feelings."

Even with as racist as Hollywood was in the 1950s and 60s, Eartha Kitt STILL managed to have a thriving career. She also once had a threesome with Paul Newman and James Dean, and called out LBJ over the Vietnam War so hard that it made First Lady Johnson cry. Eartha Kitt was talented, sexy, and a total badass activist.

[withahappyrefrain]

opening the door for them or pulling their seat out before they sit down with bob would be delightful!

You had only been at the bar for ten minutes and already regretted all the decisions you made that led to this moment.

Why did you agree to a blind date?

First of all, it was with your friend's coworker. And no matter how much Natasha said it was fine, you couldn't help but be nervous.

You had heard stories of the squad Nat worked with, some good, some…not so good.

"It's not the Hangman guy, right?" You asked her when she first brought it up.

Nat pretended to gag, "You're my friend, not enemy. It's my WSO."

So there you were, awkwardly shifting in the chair at the bar as you looked towards the entrance for the sixth time, anxiety building up in your stomach and threatening to come out like bile any moment.

This was a horrible idea.

You tried dating, you really did. Various dating apps, going to different bars and strike up a conversation, but nothing seemed to work out. Sometimes you'd get ghosted, other times it would end with you curled up in a ball on your couch with a pint of ice cream while some stupid romantic comedy played in the background. You quickly learned that it didn't matter how great the first or second date went, folks will change their mind about you at the drop of a hat.

At least with Hinge or Tinder, you could see a picture of the person and speak before meeting them. With a blind date, you didn't have that, only the information your matchmaker had given you.

He went by Bob. He was a WSO. From the Midwest, specifically Montana ("Don't refer to his accent as Southern, he will go on a spield '' Nat warned you). Very sweet, but shy at first, which was why he supposedly had trouble finding someone.

He sounded nice. Potentially lovely. But you knew better by now, after years of failed attempts and broken hearts.

Sounding nice didn't guarantee anything.

You wondered what Nat had said about you. Probably that only your parents called you by your full name. That you and Nat met through college was also a given. She's had shit luck when it comes to finding someone, hopefully you can change that?

You checked your phone for the upteemth time. 7:12. He was supposed to be here twelve minutes ago. Surely he wouldn't stand you up, considering he had to work with Nat the next day?

The idea was surprising, but not shocking. Despite the intention of dating, some folks were quite careless when it came to a heart that wasn't theirs. You had been on that receiving end more times than you'd like to admit.

He probably thought the idea of going on a date with his coworker's friend was too risky, too weird. Perhaps he looked you up on social media and found an aspect of you that he didn't like. Thanks to numerous assholes, you could list off several potential reasons. Not pretty enough, not interesting enough, not affectionate enough, too affectionate, too clingy-

The list could go on and on. Thankfully it didn't. Thankfully, the sound of your name, said by a soft voice broke you out of your thoughts and made you turn around.

Oh.

He reminded you of the male love interests from those Old Hollywood films you watched with your grandmother as a small child. Sandy brown hair that was tousled in waves, piercing blue eyes that stood out against his sharp nose and rosy cheeks.

But above all, he looked kind. Truly kind. Maybe it was the lopsided, assuring grin or the way his cobalt eyes shone against the soft lighting of the restaurant.

"Bob?"

His thin lips formed into a saccharine smile as he stepped forward, extending a long arm out.

Holy shit, he brought you flowers.

You couldn't help but stare, wide-eyed and open mouth at the beautiful marigolds and orange sunflowers. You didn't know people still did that-no date had ever done so for you.

"I-I'm so sorry for bein' late. I swear, I'm always on time, I just wasn't sure which flowers to get ya. I-I mean, I knew you liked sunflowers, Phoenix told me that but I wasn't sure if yellow was overdone or if I should do something different and I'm really sorry-"

"You're perfect," your eyes widened at your own words, "The flowers I mean! The flowers are perfect and beautiful and traffic happens, it's okay!"

His smile widened at your reassurance and you swore it melted your heart. Heat rose to your face as you accepted the bouquet, your fingers brushing against his.

The two of you walked to your table. When Bob pulled out your seat for you, your heart fluttered.

There was no way this guy could be real. Why was he single?

Often, the conversation on a first date was awkward and full of long pauses.

Not this one. Not with Bob.

He asked you questions about yourself. Hell, he even asked follow up questions. And they were thoughtful.

Bob felt the same way.

Yes, he found you stunning. But you were much more than that. You were insightful, passionate, kind.

Why on Earth were you single?

Bob was determined to make everyone else's loss his gain.

"Would you want to go get ice cream?" His fingers were tapping the table, a nervous habit that you found adorable, "I mean, I get it if you're tired but if you're not, I'd love to continue?"

A downright dopey smile overtook your face as you nodded enthusiastically.

"I'd love to continue!"

You couldn't hide your surprise though when Bob all but jogged in order to hold the door for you.

"Oh, thank you! But you don't have to do that," you explained. His brows knitted together in confusion, the corners of his lips slightly downturned.

How could one man be so cute?

"Do what?" He asked, confusion all over his voice.

"Oh, um, holding the door?" Was it wrong to have brought that up? Oh God, was he going to think of you as rude?

Instead Bob smiled as he shook his head, "Nonsense. You should never have to hold the door."

Oh no. You were going to be down bad.

As the night went on, your nerves disappeared, giving Bob a sweet smile when he held the door open or pulled out your chair.

You didn't say anything when he held the car door open to drive you home, just that smile that made his heart flutter.

But when he opened the car door after arriving at your home, you stood instead of walking forward.

"I....I had a really good time tonight," the nerves came swelling back. You couldn't recall the last time you had clicked with someone so quickly.

"I did too," his smile warmed your body, "Maybe...if you'd like, we could-"

"Do this again?" God, you really hoped that's what he was going to say. You didn't think your heart could handle it otherwise.

"Yeah," he let out a nervous chuckle, "I'd love to do this again."

Your heart soared. Nat now had rights to the biggest "I told you so" but you couldn't find it in yourself to care at this moment.

"I'm not doing anything this Friday," containing your excitement was difficult. You were positive that big, dopey grin was plastered on your face right now.

Bob loved it.

"I'm not either." That was kinda a lie. Fridays were usually when his squad went out to the Hard Deck to celebrate the end of the week.

But Nat wouldn't mind and that was all that mattered.

You two exchanged phone numbers, hands clumsily typing as you both tried to sneak glances at one another.

Once your respective phones were back in your hand, it seemed like the front door was calling your name.

Not that you wanted to leave.

Offering him coffee at this hour would be silly, no one did that anymore.

"Can I walk you to the door?" His voice was timid, unsure.

"Please." It came out abruptly, as though you had lost control of your mouth, "I mean, yes. I would like that."

When Bob offered his arm, you accepted, linking yours with his.

"This is my stop," you motioned to the front door, earning a chuckle from Bob. God, he was so handsome. And his hands were so large. What would it be like to hold them?

"I had a really good time tonight. Probably the best date I've had in...a while." The dusting of pink that spread across his cheeks was downright darling.

"Could I-"

"If you don't kiss me, I might explode."

Normally you weren't one to be so bold. But the ache inside you was threatening to burst at the seams.

"Oh thank God," was all Bob could get out before pressing his lips to yours.

[abyssruler]

plausible deniability

scaramouche x gn!reader

your boyfriend is nice, your boyfriend is sweet, but your boyfriend is also a serial killer. “relax, it’s just a dead body,” he tells you like he hadn’t just hit a man on the head with a brick hard enough to crack his skull. well, at least he did it to defend you? or — scaramouche kills people and you have the world’s biggest ‘i can fix him’ complex. (modern au)

crack, comedy, a few people die but who cares, scara is soft for one person and one person only and that’s you, “i would kill for you, in fact, i have killed for you.” “honey, did you take your meds today?” - scara and reader

You were never a fan of true crime documentaries, or horror movies, or gory shows, or anything that involved excessive blood spraying and lightless eyes staring into the camera.

So, it would stand to reason that at the first sign of your boyfriend being more than into those kinds of things, you would’ve turned tail and ran as far away as you can, right?

Unfortunately, you’ve always been blind to the color red.

…Figurative red, that is, because the red seeping through your couch and the ones coated on your boyfriend’s hands are definitely visible to you, bright and dripping and most definitely staining your pristine white rugs that you just bought last week. Ah, how are you going to explain that to the laundry lady?

“Scara, honey, what did I say about killing other people?” you ask, voice visibly strained.

He sneers at the face of the dead guy sitting haphazardly on your couch. “I didn’t like the way he was looking at you.”

You sigh.

✧

It wasn’t always like this, with the whole blood viscera happy-murder thing.

Your boyfriend, Scaramouche, had this odd habit of being so immersed in the news, a little smile lighting up his face (which you’d thought was cute at the time and, well, you still do) whenever the reporter gets to the local murders that used to have you shaking in fear on your bed.

He was charming though. A little possessive, but that was a trait you also thought was quite endearing—and, if you’re being honest, you still do. Scaramouche had a vast collection of sharp knives, some small and practically harmless (or as harmless as a knife can be) and others… not so harmless. You didn’t question it because he often cooked for you, your brain chalking it up to him using those knives for it.

It wasn’t until you were walking home alone from university that you discovered his little hobby of, well, killing people who inconvenienced you and him. Mostly people who inconvenienced you though, which was disturbing but also flattering in a crazy sort of way.

“Relax, it’s just a dead body,” he told you like he hadn’t just hit a man on the head with a brick hard enough to crack his skull.

You were cowering on the alley’s wall, eyes wide and knees shaking as you watched your supposedly nice and caring boyfriend wipe away the blood on his hand like it’s a normal occurrence. And when he grinned down at the body, something almost satisfied in his eyes, you realized that he was the cause for all the recent murders popping up in the city.

Now, the thing about this is that you should have run away screaming bloody murder, maybe call the cops or even do the sensible thing like break up with your boyfriend who’s apparently a psycho.

And you would have done it, if he just hadn’t been so… so…

He turned to you with concern shining in his eyes, stepping over the corpse of the man who’d pointed a pocket knife at you and tried to rob you. With hands still slicked with blood, he cradled your face and pressed a kiss to your forehead. “It’s a good thing you weren’t hurt.”

…sweet.

And as he pulled you away from the crime scene, dragging you home and running a hot bath for you both, asking you what you wanted for dinner like he hadn’t just murdered someone in front of you, you finally calmed down and saw the truth of the matter.

Yes, your boyfriend is quite possibly a serial killer, yes, you might just be making the worst decision of your life, and yes, you’re well aware this is because of all the wattpad bad boy stories you consumed when you were young, but you’ll be damned if you let Scaramouche go. He was kind (at least, to you he is), he was charming (when he wanted to be), he was a great cook, he was good with kids and the elderly, he was smart, and finally, he would never cheat on you.

So, while there might be the unfortunate addition of him being a little too happy with the idea of killing someone (have, in fact, killed someone, multiple someones at that), he was also the perfect boyfriend you could ask for. He just needs a little guidance, is all.

The next day, he proudly showed you the severed hand of a man who once made you cry because he groped you.

…Okay, a lot of guidance, but you can manage, you’ve read tons of bad boy turns good after falling in love type of stories. How difficult can it be to have your murderous boyfriend change his ways?

✧

Quite difficult, as it turns out.

A quick google on why people become murderers brought up a lot of questions and concerns for you, and while you’re well aware that google isn’t exactly the most reliable place when it comes to looking for advice, it’s also the only place you can go to without getting arrested for assisted murder—even though you’ve never actually helped Scaramouche when he goes all ham crazy on the general populace.

You sit him down on your couch, which was now free of blood thanks to google’s advice and good ol’ handy-dandy hydrogen peroxide.

Like this, facing each other and holding his hands, it almost seems like an actual, legitimate therapy session, minus the whole licensed psychiatrist thing. But hey, you’ve read tons of articles on the internet, so while you may be lacking in some aspects (namely, the fact that you don’t have any idea what you’re doing and aren’t qualified at all to be your crazy boyfriend’s therapist), you’re confident you can just wing it.

“Baby,” you start. Calling him endearments was an advice you picked up from reddit. A kind user named ballz3000 said that referring to them sweetly using innocent pet names can make them softer and calm their homicidal tendencies. “You know I don’t like it when you bring home dead bodies.”

According to another user named yn-yournuts, being open and communicating your feelings is the first step to establishing a healthy relationship and, consequently, a better mental state.

“It would’ve been difficult hiding the body at daytime,” he grouches, but he still keeps a gentle hold on your hands, which is a good thing. Baby steps, you tell yourself, baby steps—even though those baby steps might as well be called snail steps, wait, snail slithers.

“Then you should’ve waited until it was dark or midnight to kill him,” comes your immediate response—wait, damn it! You’re supposed to encourage him to steer away from murder, not give him advice on how to do it better. Smiling, you attempt to salvage the situation, “But, of course, it would be better to not kill anyone at all.”

It’s too late. He’s already donning a contemplative look on his face that soon turns into a grin, leaning in and briefly slotting his lips against yours.

“Thanks for the suggestion. I’ll be more careful next time, love,” is all he says before getting up and abruptly ending your impromptu therapy session.

And admittedly, there must be something wrong with you too, because instead of being horrified at his words, you giggle to yourself.

This is the first time he called you love!

✧

Alright, so operation therapy failed, it’s now time to charge in like a boar. Straightforwardness is always good according to that one article you found in google made by Hugh G. Bawles.

The two of you were in bed, the lights already turned off, when you took a deep breath and began preparing what you were going to say to him to prevent any more innocent people being killed.

Scara, I don’t like it when you kill people.

Baby, don’t show me anymore dead body parts.

Why did you become a murderer?

Sometimes, I feel like we’re a normal couple, but then you’ll suddenly go and casually bring me a bloody finger as a gift.

But instead of saying any of those, what comes out of your mouth is,

“Darling, I think you’re just confusing your constipation for homicidal urges.”

In hindsight, maybe attempting to start a heart to heart talk in the middle of the night just before a morning class was a bad idea.

You wait a few seconds, then minutes, and when he showed no signs of responding, you turn your head only to find him with his eyes closed and sound asleep.

Fine, you’ll just have to try again tomorrow.

✧

You share exactly one class with Scaramouche and it’s philosophy. Unfortunately, it’s also the class with the worst professor known to mankind.

“Ah, I got a low grade…” you mutter to yourself, looking down at your essay forlornly.

Your boyfriend takes one peak at your paper and immediately scowls. “You spent an entire night writing that.” He turns a glare to the professor currently ignorant of the murderer sitting in his class. “That asshole should’ve given you a perfect score. Maybe I should give him a little visit.”

You calmly take his hand under the table and squeeze it, all too used to him casually alluding to killing other people. “Dear, we talked about this. What do we do when we’re having homicidal thoughts?”

He looks down the table, brows furrowed in a sulking manner. “Don’t do it.”

You beam, proud at him for remembering the one thing you keep reminding him whenever he brings a dead body back to your house.

The blonde twins seated in front of you turn their head in horror after overhearing your conversation.

“What are you looking at?” Scaramouche sneers at the same time you say, “We’re roleplaying.”

“Right…” the long haired twin you distinctly remember was named Aether mumbles before he ushers his sister to ignore the two of you.

Oh well, at least you managed to stop one person from dying today. User tojiscrustysock on twitter always says you should take whatever victories you can, so you’ll consider this a resounding success.

✧

When you open the news next morning, the face of your professor is the first thing you see along with the words, found dead near his home.

You turn to your boyfriend sitting beside you, an innocent look on his face as you look at him with disappointment.

“My hand slipped,” is the flimsy excuse he settles for.

Sighing and utterly out of options, you’re forced to resort to the one thing you didn’t want to do. The worst possible option there is. If there’s going to a therapist and potentially getting arrested kind of worst, there’s this kind of worst—the absolute worst of the worst.

“Scara, I think we need to start doing yoga.”

word count: 1.8k

[eyelambspider]

𝟎𝟐. 𝐂𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐲𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐚 || 𝐊ö𝐧𝐢𝐠

Day Two of Kink/Creeptober! Here is a list of my prompts & event terms!

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 : könig x gn!reader 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 : The two of you were sent in the dead of night to check up on a supposedly vacated enemy facility. Strange reports and sightings of men had worried KorTac, they couldn't afford to have someone occupy the space. Turns out, the scary Colonel hates 'supernatural' stuff. 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 : 2.4 k 𝐚/𝐧 : shane & ryan duo ifykyk 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 : fluff? funny/comedy?, horror, mentions of guns, swearing, reader is sarcastic, cryptid (mothman appearance :)

𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐒𝐎𝐎 𝐁𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆.

You groaned softly. An exaggerated sound that made the Colonel hit your shoulder with the butt of his gun.

"Keep quiet, there may be enemies," he scolded you quietly, having to glance down at you with those disapproving eyes of his. The two of you had just barely touched the door and you were already complaining.

"This fucking sucks and you know it," you whispered back harshly. The two of you chose a respective side of the metal door to stand against. Lowering your guns only for a moment to finally lower the night vision goggles onto your faces.

König only grumbled again, muttering curses and German under his breath like he liked to do when you pissed him off. A sound that made you huff in response to him.

He acted like you were the irrational one. But the fact was: Every thermal scan of the facility reported nothing. And the old building was monitored day and night since local reports came in of 'shadows in the window'. No one on watch duty reported seeing anyone or anything come in or out of the doors. Any of them.

This was bullshit. It just sounded like a squatter to you, but the Austrian Colonel—who you had been paired with to double check the situation personally—was all protocol.

"Don't," he warned, turning his head towards you and pointing a gloved finger His night vision goggles already peering back at you through the darkness. You didn't even need to say it for him to know what you were thinking.

So you didn't, waving your hands up in sarcastic surrendering gesture, strapping your own goggles to your head with a huff. Waiting for him to take the lead then.

So he did, opening the metal door quietly. An actual wonder for how rusted the hinges were. You had to give it to him at least- König was a good fucking soldier. Just... this whole mission felt like a damned excessive ghost chase. Yes, there could be enemy presence back in the facility... but there was a better chance of seeing a rat scurrying around.

König led the way through the darkness, your eyes on the green light casted from his back. The night vision working perfectly. Watching his back and peering around for any sign of life.

The facility was some sort of old textile factory, or you supposed, was one back in the industrial era.

The roof was beginning to cave in, water dripping over concrete and metal railings, rusting everything in its path. Long ivy's crawling up the walls. Only remnants of dust and the occasional scrap of fabric had been left since KorTac had cleared it out over a year ago. It was a wonder you didn't see some sort of zombie wandering around making little clicking noises.

An amused sound slipped from your lips and König stopped dead in his tracks in front of you. Standing up straight, merely glancing over his shoulder in warning. The green glint of his goggles giving you a look that said 'Keep quiet.'

Yeah, yeah. You waved his concern off. There was a job to do despite protests.

The two of you continued on quietly, stalking through the darkness, sweeping the first floor with little to no problems. Guns held close, strapped to your vests and held tightly. The green ghoulish glow of your visor reflecting everything back to you in an eerie way. But nothing seemed out of place. No activity, not even a sound besides the crystal clear clink of water dripping from somewhere overhead.

König reached a hand up to his right ear, speaking quietly into his ear piece. "First floor clear." His voice, echoed softly into your own comm link.

"Continue to secure the building," a tired voice spoke back from the base. Operators watching the small sweep from the cameras on the left side of both of your helmets. Seeing what you both saw, hearing nothing except the staticky feedback through their screens.

Protocol.

With the first floor cleared, the second one seemed like it would go without a hitch too. There was no sound except the soft huffs of your breathing and the rustling of military uniforms as you both continued down the decrepit hallways. Up the rickety metal stairs, the two of you cringing as it groaned and tapped under the weight. Boots on metal, guns clutched a bit closer now that the two of you were making noise. Just a little bit more alert than a few seconds prior.

It was like the air had suddenly changed. No shift that the operators back at base could see, but König could feel it on his skin. Goosebumps prickling up his pale neck as he finally reached the crest of the staircase.

When he stopped, you waited patiently for the Colonel to move. Through the visor, all you could see was him standing there, clutching his gun and looking acute around as if something was wrong. Nothing you could tell though, no matter how much you tried to follow his eyes.

Left to right, there was only the pitch black hallways filled with faded paperwork and offices. It was so quiet in fact, you could probably hear a pin drop from down the hall.

"Colonel," you whispered almost imperceptibly, waiting for his move.

He seemed to tense as soon as the sound left your mouth, but he stayed firm. Only able to see his back and the hand he lifted up, finally signaling you to keep following him with a curt wave.

You got out of the stairwell, the pair of you moving more cautiously. The air swarming with uncertainty as König stopped at the corner, peaking around just to tense up at what he saw. The sound of his gun clinking in his hands as he squeezed it.

It made you tense too, readying your gun and holding the sight close to your eye.

König didn't say anything, just stood frozen with his back against the wall. His chest rising and falling a bit more obviously than it had been a moment ago.

"Colonel! What is it?" you whispered, almost frustrated. Never in all your years of working with him, had he ever frozen.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" you whispered again, a bit more loudly before he grabbed your bicep to stop you. Squeezing so hard it made you grit your teeth.

If he wasn't going to move, then you were.

You shuffled quickly around him, your side brushing his front as he stood there. And despite him still trying to stop you, you peaked around the corner, gun at the ready.

"What the-?"

There were little flecks of fine... dust? floating around the end of the hallway. Glittering and reflecting back into your visor, green and a bit... odd.

You stepped out from around the corner and began walking curiously towards it. Only a step out before König tried to stop you again. "Halt um Gottes Willen!" he whispered, trying to grasp at you before he stopped, as if the corner had an invisible barrier he would not cross.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" You whispered back, turning to glance over your shoulder at him.

When he had nothing to say, you sighed and continued on without him.

He tried to call out your name to stop you, watching as your form began to go deeper and deeper towards the swirling flecks.

You lowered your gun curiously as the little cloud of dust enveloped you, swirling around from the disturbance. There, on the wall was a dark smear, as if someone had wiped the finest ash over it. You reached a gloved hand out, only to stop when König scolded you again from down the hall.

"Bist du verdammt dumm? Don't you dare touch that!" he ordered, but the quiver in his voice betrayed him.

"Come over here and stop me," you called back, finding yourself smirking at that. "We have a fucking mission," you reminded him. The two of you quietly shouting in the hall now. "Its protocol to sweep the area. Now get your ass over here!" you waved, trying to coax him out.

He couldn't argue and you both knew it. The building had to be checked, and despite his gut telling him otherwise, he rounded the corner and made his way towards you slowly. So tense he seemed to be moving mechanically.

You took your glove off finally and tucked it into your vest, running your fingers through the inky smear. You gasped quietly, rubbing the fine dust between your fingers. It was the softest thing you'd ever felt. And the strange material flaked off your skin, becoming a part of the little cloud that surrounded you.

What the hell was it? Just dust?

König finally came up next to you, watching over your shoulder with the same bad feeling in his stomach.

That's when the soft sound of scuttling startled the both of you.

Your gun shot up and König nearly jumped out of his skin. The two of your looking up in comical sync just in time to watch a shadowy figure crawl along the ceiling and disappear down the corridor in an instant.

"Was zum Teufel!" König yelped, a cold shudder running through his body like lightning.

You kept your aim forward, gun trained now towards the ceiling. The sight only enticing you to take a step further and investigate whatever the fuck that was.

"Stop! What the fuck do you think you're doing?" König was now visibly shaking, not even clutching his rifle anymore, instead reaching out to stop you. There was no doubt he could just throw you over his shoulder and get the two of you out in less than a minute.

"I'm going to clear the area," you said in confidence, like it was the most obvious answer you'd ever given.

The more you moved towards the darkness, the more König tried to stop you, his hands clamping down on your shoulder to swing you around the other way.

"Stop! I said stop! Halt! You damned lunatic!"

"Colonel!" You hissed, stepping towards him before he even had a chance to grab you. "This is a fucking mission, pull yourself together," you reminded him. Yet, he still looked like a damned deer in the headlights, trembling, and too afraid to move in the darkness. Glancing at you with a nervous uncertainty.

Then, he watched as a smirk slowly began to spread over your lips. The green-glow of the night vision making you look more like the imp he envisioned you to be in the moment.

"Colonel? Are you... scared?"

He didn't like your tone, and his grip tightened into a white knuckle grip on his rifle.

He was fucking terrified.

"Come on," you huffed, relaxing as you led the way down the hall, following after the shadowy form. And fuck if König was going to be left alone with that thing roaming around the building.

With you leading the way, the two of you stalked through the next hall. König's breathing was coming out in short puffs, and although it felt like his legs struggled to bend, he followed anxiously. The small flecks in the air getting denser, more frequent the further you went into the building.

The roof was still leaking, but the tip of your gun traced a particular drop. More viscous and stringy than water, dripping down from the ceiling in a long gossamer strand, forming a bubbly puddle on the floor. It-It looked like spit.

Another deep fluttering sound emanated deep from the last room in the hallway. Something clattering to the ground with a resounding boom. Your gun instinctively pointed towards the noise.

"Gott im Himmel erbarme dich..."

The muttered sounds of German had you quickly glancing over your shoulder. König was dead frozen, his gun rattling in his hands, unable to move further, only shaking his head back and forth as if he couldn't believe it.

"Are you... Are you praying?!" You asked quietly, mind torn between disbelief that the man who dominated in warfare was fucking cowering behind you and the animal that was in the room.

You turned to König, putting a hand on his shoulder, your eyes still pointed cautiously towards the door.

"König, you're almost seven foot tall and have the biggest gun I've ever seen in your hands," you began quietly, trying to smack some soft words to reassurance into his head. "You'll be fine."

Even though he nodded, his legs still had that tremor in them.

This was reality, you told yourself, nothing but a fucking raccoon or stupid flock of pigeons fumbling around in the dark. The boogeyman didn't exist.

You lifted a hand to your ear, pressing the piece to speak quietly, relaying back to base. "Going in, hold."

"Copy Bravo."

König couldn't even protest, the words, nothing but German-English gibberish tumbling out of his mouth. Watching in sheer horror as you continued on, his feet moving on their own accord to stand behind you. To afraid to be left behind, too afraid to leave you behind.

Once you made it to the withering doorframe, König held his breath, feeling like icy had shot through his veins as you rounded the corner sharply.

In an instant of horror, your eyes landed on it, shuffling in the corner of the dark office. Fuzzy like a blot of ink, writing against the breeze that hushed through the broken window and picked up the tattered curtains.

Soft kissy sounds came from it, and the thing wrung its neck to glance at you. Green orbs, as big as your head peered back through the night vision goggles locked onto your eyes. Its massive wings, like sails, fluttered like a military drone. Goosebumps lurched down both of your bodies as it dropped from the ceiling and stood up so tall that it hunched to fit the room.

Before you could see anymore, you turned on your heel and ran, grabbing König's arm to get his ass moving. "FUCK THAT!"

Only screams filled the quiet room back at base, the operators watching in collective confusion as the pair of you ran for your lives in a blur of sheer hysteria.

[the-bitter-ocean]

ISAT BAD END THEATER AU NOTES/SUMMARY (MAJOR FULLGAME SPOILERS FOR BOTH BAD END THEATER, AND ISAT/ SASASAP) After a long time brainstorming with friends I present to you.. “THE BAD TIME THEATER AU”!

This au is mainly created by me and @coffeewolf54 / @coffeewolfart together! This is not a exact 1-1 au and will def have some unique stuff in here to better match the themes of isat and bad end theater!

I’ve talked about this Au with a lot of my friends on discord ( thank you @felikatze @daily-odile @tealgoat and everyone else who decided to draw art for /listen to me ramble about me and coffee’s au.)

The general gist of the story and everyone’s roles are under the cut:

|Welcome one and all esteemed guests to THE BAD TIME THEATER! A place home to many tragic tales on display for the world to see.|

|I am “TRAGEDY”- (aka the Playwright and Narrator). Alongside me is “COMEDY”- (aka The Director) to help showcase what our theatre has to offer to you all. |

|The premise is simple: You can choose between one of four actors to see their stories and it is our job to show you their fates! Don’t fret if you are unsatisfied with a particular ending, my dear Stardust and I can reset the stage anew! That being said every path often leads to tragic ends..but ah, what else can you expect from a place like this? |

|Even still..even now I wonder.. if this unlucky cast can be saved…|

|…Oh well. We should move on now~!|

|Without further ado… let’s meet the main cast! |

[ISABEAU: “THE HERO”] - A human. His role is the courageous defender that was appointed by the King himself with slaying monsters and protecting people. He is good friends with the Maiden and has been over the years questioning their role that’s been given to him. The Hero is fairly certain that he has never met any demons before personally but very adamant in the belief that not all demons would want to hurt others. (Though if he were being completely truthful he’d much rather be a fashion designer then have to fight anyone. )

{ MIRABELLE: “THE MAIDEN”} - A human. Her role is the faithful maiden who’s meant to passively fulfill her destiny of being martyr lest the town supposedly be at risk from being attacked or killed by evil monsters. She is good friends with the Hero and tries her best to be a devout follower. A huge fan of stories and curious to see if demons are anything like the tales she’s read in her books. ( Though if she were being honest… she has some doubts about her role in life and wants to take action. )

< ODILE: “THE OVERLORD”> - A half demon (half human). Her role is the (seemingly) cold and pragmatic ruler of the demons, gaining the title after her father recently passed away. She is described by other people as standoffish, she seems to have taken in the Underling and their older sister under her protection. Wary of humans and tends to lean towards keeping her subjects safe by having very little interactions with them. ( Though if she were to tell the truth, she admits to wanting to have a world where demons and humans can coexist peacefully.)

( BONNIE: “THE UNDERLING”) - A demon. Their role is to serve the Overlord and was tasked to help by providing support to their people by creating food for everyone. The underling and their older sister got saved by the overlord a long time ago- so they’ve been really loyal to her ever since then. ( Though if they were being honest, they want to help protect everyone like the Overlord does and not be forced to stay on the sidelines.)

and last but not least we have…

<̶̨̬͕̬̼̼̜̋̇ͅ|̶̧̢̧̛̻̘̱̲̠̓͆̒̓ ̵̰̤̦̥̰͒̾̌͗͗͋“̷̧̼̘̼̻̂́͜ͅT̵̡̤̳̯͍͓̅͂̌̋̅͒ͅḨ̵̡̱̺͍̰̞̅̆̎̀͜Ė̸̹̜͇̬̥̇͋̾̈́ ̶̺̭̀̅̅̀̍̊T̷̹̭̝̺̝̳̊R̶̗̱̹̙̍A̴̻͇̎̀̐̾̊̆̽͑V̴͚̫̦͚̅͂̈́̎͘͝E̴̦͋̈́̿̈́̑L̸̪̼̗̀̾̒͊̍͛Ĺ̸̮Ȩ̵̹͓̻͖̹̝̍͝ͅR̷̼̬̤̖̭͉̀̈̌͊̀͜͝”̸͎̘͆͊͜͝|̵̩͙͚̱̎̅͝>̶̳̬͙̫̘͈̆͐̍̓́̇͝- [??????? ERROR 404 DATA NOT FOUND]

|Huh? Oh my. Well, it seems like there’s been a mistake there! Pay no mind to that dear audience! We hope that you grow to love our actors as much as we do~! Let’s get the show on the road Stardust, we can’t keep our dear audience waiting any longer! |

[ughsecondblogsdontwork]

I don't watch a whole lot of television, so maybe I'm missing some perspective, but I've never seen a TV show where the Main Character was a fat gay man (or person in general, I'm not crazy enough to think they'd ever try to pull this with a fat lesbian for instance) where neither his sexuality or fatness were 1. An overt problem in the narrative or 2. The butt of routine or mean-spirited jokes. What We Do In the Shadows was awesome in so many ways, but it was also awesome because I got to see a gay and fat person do all kinds of shit as a main character without being constantly questioned or degraded for being fat! I really, really love Guillermo. He's a vampire slayer! An action hero! He looks cool, cute and sexy all at once in his action scenes- I love watching him grow as a character and stand up for himself, I love his jokes, he's really such a great character! So this final season sucked, right. Like this final season was total shit ass, I'm sorry. I'm so disappointed. I feel so let down. There are a million reasons why it sucked, but right now I just feel sad because of how everything turns out for Guillermo and the queer and fat representation in the show. First of all, it really threw me for a loop when the show opened with crazy fat jokes about Colin Robinson. That obviously did not land for me at all and why would it land for wwdits viewers? We are following a show where we are emotionally invested in a fat MC and we don't have a *problem* with fatness- so why would I think it's funny that Colin Robinson "got fat"??? Make it make sense lmao.

And I don't know why the fuck Nandor and Guillermo's entire relationship was abandoned. Did every single writer jump ship and get replaced by someone who's never seen the show or??? Well, it feels like a punch in the gut for a few reasons:

This show is supposedly "queer". Every known vampire is queer and Guillermo is gay. But the only consistent relationship is Nadja and Lazslo, which isn't a problem obviously we love them, but would it kill the show for there to be...? More visibly queer relationships? It's a show that insists its gay over and over again in word but not action. I don't care if Nandor and Lazslo like to fuck each other silly offscreen, and Nadja is also supposedly queer in some way, off screen- everything is conveniently off screen. Nandor and Guillermo did not *need* to get together, but the lack of explicit acknowledgement is weird. It just is.

Also, it would just be nice! Like am I crazy? Is it too much to ask for? To see a fat MC be in love and in a relationship not in spite of their appearance but just bc the other person likes them? I feel like every show with gay couples as main characters is a romance based show that is mostly About them getting together. Wwdits is so much fun because it's about so many things! But why couldn't this be *one* of those things? Can you think of a single show in the world right now where a fat queer main character is in a relationship and their looks or their sexuality are not the key point of conversation about the relationship? I can't! This was the perfect opportunity! Nandor and Guillermo fell into a well established relationship trope that had nothing to do with appearance or sexuality, and people who like that trope were naturally drawn to it. Why did they just spit on the whole thing? It makes no fucking sense.

Any response like "well sometimes unrequited love is a good plot" "X needed to grow and Y relationship was bad" "It's better this way because of XYZ" "It would have been toxic" this is a silly tv show about murderous vampires. Guillermo is also a murderer. There is just no possible way that a relationship between Guillermo and Nandor would have ruined the show lmao. It would have been fun! Remember when TV comedies were about being fun! I sure do! Apparently asking for a fun gay relationship between the queer main characters of the "queer TV show" is just too much to ask- better luck next time! Honestly, I feel so bitter lol. Bitter and sad. A show this fun and a cast this good deserved a waaaaay better ending all around. This post isn't even touching all the other weird shit and quite a lot of objectively bad shit that was wrong with the season

Before anyone gets all weird about my use of the word fat if you're not familiar with that, I am fat and I think fat is a neutral word and am trying to normalize the usage of it instead of substituting it with shit like "plus size". Fat is not an insult in the context of my words lol

[hariboz]

here you go nonnie!! took a while again i’m sorry 😵‍💫

boyfriend!gunwook who never misses a thing you say. whether it be a joke no one else heard, a little chime of agreement to something a friend said, an annoyed grumble at a topic you loathe — gunwook picks up on it all. it doesn’t matter how many people you’re hanging out with, or who he’s currently talking to. he always has an eye — and ear — out for you, encouraging you to speak up and if the situation calls for it, even diverts everyone’s attention to you because he wants to make sure you know people listen to you <3

boyfriend!gunwook who laughs at your jokes like no one else ever has. his giggling at your offhand joke alone is enough to make you feel like comedy is your true calling. it’s a little embarrassing when he runs off to get a friend to listen to your little joke, gunwook so proud of your apparent comedic genius he doesn’t even really pick up on the fact the joke really only lands with him — which is enough for you anyways, because his uncontrollable giggles are the only ones you want to hear.

boyfriend!gunwook who is very particular about his cuddle time, and he will play dirty if you force him to by trying to deprive him of his cuddles. uses his whole body if he has to, clinging to you like you’d evaporate the second you aren’t tightly squished against him. huffs and puffs when you try to wiggle free, whining back even louder when you start complaining that you have to go to the bathroom. good luck getting out of his grasp <3

boyfriend!gunwook who thrives on teasing you, specifically regarding things he’s supposedly better at. he’s taller? get ready for all the cheesy short jokes you’ve heard before, your stuff magically appearing on shelves out of reach. he’s stronger? incessant flexing while doing the most mundane tasks. he’s faster, better at mario kart, won against you in monopoly once? welp, too bad, he’s never letting it die. as cliché as his jokes and comments may be, they have a certain sweetness to them when he breathes them out between his giggles, so you don’t mind too much when he’s looking at you like that.

boyfriend!gunwook who really enjoys doing cute little spa dates with you. he enjoys doing you skin care together, talking about your days while peeling face masks off your face. his favourite thing, though, is when you do his skincare for him after he had a bad week. he just lays down and lets you do your thing, and the way you gently massage the product into his face, cooing at his sleepy face truly makes him forget about why he was upset in the first place. :( <3

boyfriend!gunwook who cannot bear the thought of you upset. “y/n” and “upset” shouldn’t even go into the same sentence, in his opinion. he’s your all-in-one stop when you’re upset; he’s comfort in all possible ways. he offers you an ear and just listens if that’s what you want, nodding along and running his hand through your hair soothingly. he offers advice and his opinion if you ask for it, he cuddles with you in silence and let’s you cry into him if that what you need. he’s your distraction, maybe taking you out to eat to get you out of your slump, maybe offering a silly rant himself to have your mind focus on something else, maybe just sitting cuddled up next to you while watching another rerun of your favourite show. he’d play your personal jester as long as it gets at least a tiny smile back on your face... </3

[orphiclovers]

The kaizenix arc from Yoo Joonghyuks' perspective must have been wild.

He wakes up as the First Prince, on his wedding day, maybe even at the altar. It turns out his bride is Han Sooyoung, but before he can say anything, she turns the wedding into a bloodbath, killing half the royal family and usurping the throne. He escapes, gathers an army and allies and they both proceed to try and kill each other for the next two years up until and including the day Kim Dokja arrives. At some point during that period he gets captured by the Royalist forces and goes through the Han Sooyoung Sex Dungeon Experience™, but escapes.

On top of this, he specifically mentions to Kim Dokja that this scenario did happen in the alt-1863rd round (!!!) but the throne wasn't usurped and everything past that happened differently.

Now, we don't have any further details on 1863rd's kaizenix, but it makes me crazy to imagine what happened there. Because, even though 1863rd Han Sooyoung and Yoo Joonghyuk were enemies, they almost definitely both went through this scenario together.

Kaizenix arc was the most bdsm yoohan got in 3rd round. But then the whole 1863rd round was toxic yoohan bdsm, so if Yoo Joonghyuk was so suprised about his own kaizenix turning in that direction even after reading 1863rd rounds version, it must be because it notably wasn't bdsm AT ALL. maybe they somehow, despite everything, manage to have a normal marriage there, that 3rd turn Yoo Joonghyuk was reading the accounts of, feeling flabbergasted, while in some dark hideout on the run from his own, supposedly more normal Han Sooyoung.

Like, what if 1863rd yoohan, dropped in kaizenix at the same time, decide to make a truce and go with the romance genre, supposedly because it's 'easiest' (but actually that's just an excuse to live out their unattainable fantasy shh). afterwards they resume their twisted toxic mindfuck games, but for a while they were just had a normal medieval fantasy romance. the tragic, dramatic irony of his worst round having his happiest marriage (mirroring the 2nd round in some ways.)

the absolute peak of comedy of 3rd turn Yoo Joonghyuk, locked up in the sex dungeon, thinking 'where did I go so wrong?' Him promptly deciding to take all this shit to the grave and to never tell anyone any of this context. Iconic