#all my large intestines are on the left and my small on the right

[scary-lasagna]

OH OH?’ YOU WRITE SCPS?! If you can, can I request Able (076) where he’s in love and dating SCP foundation worker reader?

My first SCP ask!! :] I haven't given Abel nor Cain much thought outside of Abel just assisting with breaches. Sorry I went a little crazy on the length!

SCP-076 - Abel

Abel is one of the more...difficult SCPs that you have researched.

You've been at this site longer than you can count back to, and even a previous site as well, before that one was nuked terribly.

And you've never met a creature such as him.

Whenever he wasn't killing people, he was pacing the viewing glass of his cell, staring at you.

You felt terrible, like a mouse being stalked by a lion.

Abel was always agitated, always angry, and the only time you've seen him smile was either when he was ripping out intestines, or, recently, when you shot him in the head with an automatic pistol.

It's freaky.

A part of you thinks that he wants to act on revenge.

Another, more human part of you, which is rare these days, almost suggests that he's looking at you with respect.

You were the only one to stop him without that explosive collar he wore in the past 5 years, after all. That had to count for something, right?

You had piles and piles of paper work pertaining to him, knowing him inside and out for the past 2 years.

And on the day of an MTF operation, you thought you were safe in your office. This was your first mistake, you should never feel safe in this field of work.

But in the midst of a small, harmless breach, Abel had launched himself through the locked security door of your office like a fucking looney-tune character.

And this was it. You would die. He would kill you, and you would be written off as another causality in this breach.

But lo and behold, a quite large axe materialized in his hand, and swung it right over your head, missing you by at most 3/4 of an inch.

SCP-439, an insect to bigger than 3 centimeters, had been the SCP to breach containment during MTF patrolling hours.

"You are safe now." His voice, husky, still held a certain gentleness as he spoke toward you.

And out of the two years of studying this creature, this violent, animalistic entity, you’ve never seen him act in such a cautious, intriguing manner.

The axe disappeared into the supposed pocket dimension of weapons, and he very unceremoniously grabbed your face on either side, cocking his head to stare you down.

You couldn’t move, didn’t have any last words to say, and you didn’t have that automatic pistol that saved your life last time.

This might be where you finally succumb to the horrors of the foundation.

But…Abel only studied you, taking in every little feature of your face, counting every eyelash and freckle and noting the way your nostrils flared with fear.

“I would not hurt you, Reasearcher. You are much too…unique. I would like to propose a-”

Not another word left his mouth, because it was shot off by the sudden wave of MTF entering your office.

So much for proposing a courting.

[azure-cherie]

Moon and storage of emotions

🪻Emotions are linked to moon , hence the placement of moon also plays a role on as to where you store your emotions , the various houses are

-1st House : whole body, head, mind, brain, mind, hair,skin, limbs.

- 2nd House : Face, nose, right eye, tongue, teeth, oral cavity, larynx, gullet, nails, bones .

- 3rd House : Right Ear, neck, shoulders, collar bones, clavicles, windpipe, breathing, food pipe, first part of hand, thyroid .

- 4th House : Heart, lungs, chest, diaphragm and blood.

- 5th House :upper abdomen, gallbladder, liver, pancreas,spleen and small intestine.

- 6th House: Lower abdomen, large intestine, kidney and appendix. This is termed as the house of disease.

- 7th House : urinary tract, prostate gland, uterus, ovaries, testes, emen and groins.

- 8th Houses : External genital, rectum, seminal,vessels and limb.

- 9th House : Hips, thighs and anterior system ( female)

- 10th House : Kneecap, knee joint and popliteal fossa.

- 11th House : left ear, legs and shanks.

- 12th House : left eye, feet,,crippled limbs .

🪻If you're suffering from a disease and have no answers to why the pain or infection is persistent keep a check on repressed emotions or bad placements of your moon .

🪻For example a 6th moon in the houses of diseases needs to take remedies if the sign isn't a good or a moderate sign .

🪻Imao i have moon-saturn in 1H all of my emotions are on my face .

🪻for a deeper dive on ailments look for the moon , 6th house and the D30 chart .

Thank you for reading 🩷

[taleeater]

Fragile Part 8

Sorry for the long wait! This is a shorter chapter, because I’m making a poll!! :] Please go vote how you would like this story to end!!

Generation: Bayverse TMNT

Tmnt x Reader Fanfic

Pronouns: Gender Neutral (except ‘dudette’ and ‘princess’)

Warnings: injury, blood, not proof read

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

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The brothers burst into the lair. They rushed past Splinter and April, who gasped when she saw you. You hung limply in Raphael’s arms. They quickly took you straight to the lab, where Raphael gingerly laid you down on the large table underneath bright lights. Donnie slid on his goggles and checked you, and cursed under his breath.

“Shit. Their blood pressure is extremely low.” He rifled through drawers and cabinets, grabbing various bottles and tools. Donnie filled a syringe with a clear fluid from a small glass bottle and brought it over to you. “Stockman took a lot of their blood. And if I’m not mistaken, they were fed a variation of barbiturates through the second IV in their back.”

“What does that do?” Leo placed his hands on the table at your side, looking across as Donnie rolled your broken arm facing up so he could slide in the needle and administer the injection. April, Splinter, and Mikey all waited by the door.

“Well, it has a highly sedative effect in large doses. That, and combined with the chemical soup that filled their tank, ….they’re starting to slip into an artificial coma.”

All eyes in the room went wide with shock. Raph turned away from the table and stormed over to the wall and punched the brick. Hard.

“And what do we gotta do to stop it?!” He said gritting his teeth.

Mikey rushed over to your side past Leo and picked up your hand, pleading with you.

“Come on babycakes! Snap out of it! We still gotta make fudge brownies together!!”

Leo placed a comforting hand on his little brother’s shoulder.

“Donnie?” Leo asked.

Donnie rubbed a hand tiredly across his face. “There’s not much I can do until I fully assess their injuries. I just administered some pain killers. They’re not strong enough to handle stimulants right now. Administering adrenaline like April did with us will only make their injuries worse.”

Everyone looked solemn. Leo was looking down thinking back to the lab where they found you. Trying to figure out if there was anything they missed. That’s when he noticed a purple splotch peeking out from underneath your shirt. He narrowed his eyes and reached out to touch you.

“Leo, what-?” Donnie swallowed his words as Leo lifted up your shirt marginally, and the blackened canvas of purple and blue skin was revealed decorating your stomach.

Leo let your shirt slip from his finger and his hand fell to his side, tightening his fist. His hands trembled with rage.

They all did.

“Bebop and Rocksteady….” Mikey said lowly. His expression hard and serious.

“Those bastards-” Raph was standing by the head of the table. Looking down and clenched his fists.

Donnie’s eyes looked far away as he reached out and hesitated to touch you.

“This is…. really bad.” Donnie’s hand trembled as he traced your stomach, pressing down in certain spots to feel the damage. Even while sedated with drugs and heavy pain killers you still winced at the probing.

“Three, no- Four broken ribs. Damage to the liver, spleen, and small intestine.”

Mikey turned and left the room silently at hearing Donnie’s report. April followed after him to comfort him. Splinter was standing in the doorway with a heavy frown.

Leo swallowed his anger and looked up at Donnie.

“How do we treat them.”

Donnie turned away.

“They need a blood transfusion.”

“But that’s-!” Raph cut in.

“I know. That’s why I’ll ask April and Casey to test their blood first. But most likely-“

“It’ll be from one of us.” Leo finished for him.

Raph looked between the two and stepped forward. “I’ll do it.”

“No, I will. It’s my turn to step up.” Leo looked from Raph to Donnie and nodded his head, then walked out of the room. April passed him by as she walked over to Donnie. She asked him what materials they needed her to pick up from their connection at the hospital, and Donnie started writing her a list. Raphael was assigned to go with her for protection and heavy lifting in case the Foot were out looking for them, and Mikey was sent to go meet up with Casey and bring him back to the lair after his meeting with the NYPD supervisor.

No less than 30 minutes later, Donnie had your forearm and ankle in casts, and two ice packs covering your stomach. Mikey had brought a clean pillow from his room to slide under your head. It was confirmed after some testing that Casey and April’s blood were not compatible with the mutagen in your bloodstream. You needed mutant blood to stabilize the transfusion.

You needed their blood to save your life.

Donnie was rushing to get the IV set up. By now you were breathing hard with a slight fever, skin cool to the touch despite the heavy blankets they covered you with.

“If we wait any longer there’s a chance they’ll go into shock!” Donnie said as he wiped down your arm with an alcohol wipe.

“And you said that our mutagen will help them, right?” Leo confirmed, sitting at your bedside with the other half of the IV already set up.

“I said it will give them a boost to heal faster, but we don’t know if it will destabilize their mutation or not. We have a higher concentration of mutagen in our blood than they do. If their antibodies can’t handle the shift, they could end up overwhelmed and mutate like Stockman did.”

“So there’s a risk they’ll end up like us?!” Raph protested. He was worried.

“But their body will reject the human blood because of their mutated antibodies, like you guys. We don’t have any other options.” Casey reasoned with him.

“I don’t want (y/n) to die. I’d rather they live and hate us than die when we could’ve saved them.” Mikey said sadly from the table he was sitting on at the other side of the lab.

“They’ll understand, Mikey. Don’t worry, we’re all here for them.” Assured April.

“We must have hope. Their safe recovery is what is most important.” Splinter said in contemplation.

“It’s a risk we have to take.” Donnie affirmed. He locked eyes with each of his brothers, Splinter, April, and Casey, and once he got nods of approval from everyone, he inserted your IV.

“Now, we wait.”

Part 9 [End]

Vote at the poll!!! [Finished]

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If anyone else wants to be tagged for the next update, let me know in the comments! :]

[the-badger-mole]

Kindness of Strangers

Please pick up

I'm busy

I know, but this is an emergency

With shaking hands, Zuko found Mai's number and pressed the call button. It rang twice before her voicemail picked up. Zuko groaned and almost started crying.

Mai, pick up Seriously, it's an emergency I don't got out that often zuko. You can't let me have ONE night? Mai I think i need to go to the hospital My stomach. I think it's food poisoning or something Your stomach ache? Seriously? You're a big boy. You can handle an upset tummy Drink some tea

Zuko groaned again. It felt like something solid and hot was burning through his intestine. He tried calling Mai again. This time it only rang once before he was sent to voicemail.

Leave me alone! If you call again, I'm blocking you

Zuko dialed Mai once more. Sure enough, it went right to voicemail this time. She'd done it. Zuko felt bile rising in his throat along with panic. His uncle was out of town. Haru, his only other friend didn't have a car. An ambulance was out of the question. His father had removed him from the family insurance policy, and though his uncle was working on the details to add Zuko to his own insurance, that wouldn't kick in until the following month at least. All Zuko had in the meantime was the student insurance the university provided, and it didn't cover ambulance rides. That left just one option.

The unsteadiness of his legs was a bad sign. As was the way his stomach roiled in protest at the movement. The hospital wasn't far, though, Zuko reasoned. He made it to his door, then he stumbled out into the hall, not even bothering with his shoes. He heard a gasp, and realized his neighbor across the hall was there.

"Are you alright?" she asked. Zuko shook his head. Then, he doubled over and puked onto the tile floor. The neighbor-Zuko recalled he'd heard someone call her Katara.

"My stomach," Zuko groaned, clutching his side. Katara rushed over and tried to help him stand, but the pain wouldn't let him stand upright. He felt a cool hand against his forehead. Then is jerked away with a gasp.

"You need to go to the hospital!" Katara said. She pulled out her phone, but Zuko groaned and tried to stop her.

"No ambulance," he insisted miserably. "Can't afford it." Katara hesitated, and Zuko knew she was debating calling anyway. Finally she sighed and slipped his arm around her shoulders, and helped him into the elevator and into the parking lot.

"Don't you dare throw up in my car," she muttered, strapping him into the passenger seat of a small, blue sedan. She slid into the driver's seat and reached into the back. Zuko was vaguely aware of some rustling, but he didn't know what it meant until Katara passed him an empty plastic bag. She peeled out of the parking lot and raced the two miles to the hospital. The large, white building was in sight when Zuko made good use of the plastic bag. He was still clutching it minutes later when Katara helped him out of the car and into the emergency room.

The next bit was a blur. He was brought back to triage almost immediately where it was discovered he had a ruptured appendix. The words emergency surgery were the last words he heard clearly before he was being stripped, shaved and prepped for the OR. This, he would later decide, was a blessing. He hated hospitals, and this visit would've sent him into an anxiety spiral. As it was, he still had a moment of panic when he woke up attached to an IV and several upsetting sounding monitors, but the panic fizzled into confusion when he realized he wasn't alone in the room. Across from him, in the chair, his neighbor sat curled up under a thin blanket.

She must have felt him staring because she stirred, and then looked up at him. She blinked in confusion, trying to understand where she was and why, Zuko guessed. Then she smiled at him sleepily.

"The doctor said you'd be out a while," she told him. "Are you feeling alright?"

"I...yeah," Zuko said. He was fine, at the moment, though, he could feel the dull ache emanating from his side from where they'd taken his appendix out. "What are you doing here?"

"I didn't know who to call," Katara explained. "I thought you would probably prefer not to wake up in a hospital room alone. They said it was fine if I stayed."

"Oh..." Zuko eyes fell to his hand, to the needle and tube stuck into his skin. Whatever the IV was delivering seemed to be working. He was already feeling the haze of sleepiness creeping back in. "Thank you."

"No problem." Katara smiled warmly. "Is there someone you want me to call? I have your phone."

"Did..." Zuko swallowed hard. "Did anyone call me?" Katara glanced down at his phone and shook her head.

"No," she said. "You've only been here about three or so hours, though." Zuko sighed and let his head fall back. Mai hadn't called. He was irritated, but also a bit...relieved? That surprised him.

"Can you call my uncle?" he asked. He told Katara his passcode. As he drifted to sleep, he heard her telling his uncle that he was fine, and had already come out of surgery.

The next time he woke, the sun was up, and he was once again not alone. Iroh sat in the chair across from him, worry lines etched deep in his face. His entire body unclenched with relief when he saw Zuko open his eyes. He was, Zuko surmised, thinking of the last time he'd sat in a hospital room with his nephew.

"How are you feeling, Zuko?" he asked. He came up to Zuko's side and placed a hand on his wrist, careful not to disturb the medicine drip.

"Like lukewarm garbage," Zuko sighed. The events of the night before caught up to him and he jolted up, looking around. "Where's...?"

"That lovely young woman who brought you in?" Iroh chuckled. "She offered to stay, but she looked like she could use some rest. Very kind of her to sit with you."

"Yeah," Zuko agreed. Iroh cast him a sly look, one that Zuko was too heavily medicated to take heed of.

"She's very pretty, too," he commented offhandedly. "Even after spending the night sleeping in a hospital chair."

"She's too young for you," Zuko snorted.

"Indeed!" Iroh agreed emphatically. "But...she is just the right age for a handsome young man who happens to be studying at the same school and lives in the same building as her. One who now owes her a nice thank you dinner. One into whose phone I took the liberty of programing her number, and who should definitely call and let her know how he's doing."

"Uncle," Zuko groaned.

"I did tell her you would let her know you're okay," Iroh said. "I'm just saying."

"I'm dating Mai." That brought back the earlier portion of the night. Zuko looked around and grabbed his phone. Surely Mai had called him at some point. There was nothing from her. He tried calling her, but it still went straight to voicemail.

"Something wrong?" Iroh asked. Zuko sighed and shook his head.

"No, uncle. Nothing at all."

Zuko didn't hear from Mai until the following day. He hadn't tried to reach out to her again, so he didn't know when she had unblocked him. Suddenly, his phone started ringing and her name and picture showed up.

"Hello?" Zuko said groggily. He had been taken off the pain medication, but the effects hadn't worn off yet.

"Why is your door unlocked?" Mai asked. "Where are you?" Anger boiled up in Zuko's body, unhindered by the lingering drugs.

"The hospital," he told her dryly. "My appendix ruptured." He had at least the satisfaction of hearing her gasp.

"What hospital are you at?" she asked. "How long have you been there?"

"I've been here since I called you to tell you I needed to go to the hospital," Zuko snapped. Mai let out an irritated huff.

"Well, I would've come if you'd told me it was that serious," she said. "It just sounded like you were overreacting about a stomach flu! Where are you? When are you getting checked out?"

"They're discharging me tomorrow," Zuko told her.

"Do you need a ride home?" Mai asked.

"It's taken care of," he said, shortly. "Uncle's coming to get me, so you don't have to bother about it."

"Why are you being so bratty about this?" Mai demanded. "I said I was sorry!" She hadn't, but Zuko chose not to point that out.

"Where were you?" he asked instead.

"Out with friends." That answered absolutely nothing, but the tone of her voice told Zuko that was all the answer he would get.

"Whatever," he huffed. Mai was silent on the other end for a long moment.

"You want me to bring some food?" she asked. She sounded unusually subdued. "I can bring you something at the hospital, or I can make something for when you get back, tomorrow."

"It's fine," Zuko sighed. "I'm staying with Uncle for a few days."

"Are you going to be all mopey about this?" Mai demanded.

"What are you talking about?" Zuko turned his head to scowl at his phone.

"You're doing that woe-is-me, kicked puppy voice you do," Mai said. "I'm sorry I didn't rush over when you called, but I had been drinking, so it's not like I would've been able to take you anyway."

"So instead of saying that, you blocked me?" Zuko's grip on the phone tightened, and he resisted the urge to hurl it across the room. Surely it shouldn't be this hard being in a relationship. Surely it shouldn't be a battle to get his girlfriend to be sympathetic to him after he almost died and needed emergency surgery. The machine monitoring his heartrate started making an alarmed beeping noise, and Zuko forced himself to take a deep breath.

"You know what?" Mai said quietly. "I'm going to let you go. Clearly you need some rest."

"Mai-"

"See you later, Zuko."

The call dropped. Mai had hung up on him again. Zuko's heartrate dropped to it's normal pace.

Mai didn't call again after that, and Zuko didn't call either. She sent him a few texts during the time that he was at his uncle's house recovering. He sent her very short responses. He was fine. He would be home after his stiches were removed.

A day or two into his stay, another message came through.

Hey Just wanted to see how you were doing This is Katara, by the way. Your neighbor Your uncle gave me your number Hope that's ok

Zuko was fine with it, it turned out. More fine than a man with a girlfriend should be, maybe.

When he finally returned to his apartment, his first call was to let Mai know hie was home. She didn't live far, and she wasn't busy. Fifteen minutes later, she was at his door, looking sullen and bored.

"Glad to see you're okay," she said.

"Yeah." Zuko led her into the apartment and sat at the table. Uncle had left him with cookies, among other assorted reheatable dishes. He offered one to Mai. She declined. Then there was nothing else to stall with.

"Why did you block me?" he asked Mai. There was no heat in his voice, no anger. He genuinely wanted to know. Mai scowled at him.

"Seriously? You're not over that yet?"

"I just want to know why," Zuko pressed.

"You were bugging me," Mai shrugged carelessly. "I was out with friends, and I thought you were just trying to get me to leave early."

"When have I ever done that to you?" Indignation flashed through Zuko, hot and bright. Mai just shrugged again. She sat back in her seat and folded her arms.

"I'm sorry, alright?" she huffed. "Can you just drop it now?" Zuko leaned back and studied Mai. He had been with her for five years. She was his first ever high school girlfriend. Had she always been so dismissive?

"I needed you," he said. That made Mai roll her eyes skyward.

"I promise it won't happen again," she said. Zuko shut his eyes and shook his head.

He had other questions. Lots of them. For one thing it occurred to him that she might be cheating, and the reason she refused to answer or come to him when he called was because she was busy with some other guy. It wouldn't have been the first time. He could ask and give her a chance to lie about it. He could even pretend to believe her. Or she might be telling the truth and he was wrong about her cheating. It didn't matter, he realized suddenly. Her answer didn't matter, so he wouldn't ask.

"It won't happen again," he agreed at last. "Mai... I think we should break up."

Zuko's next call was to Katara. The day after his messy break up with Mai, having cleaned up the remains of his cookies and the plate they were on, Zuko dialed Katara's number.

"Hello?" she said, sounding uncertain.

"Hey...um...Zuko here." Zuko's face flushed hotly when he heard her giggle on the other end.

"I know," she said. "I have your number, remember? How are you doing? Are you back?"

"Yeah," he said. "I'm back. I'm feeling a lot better. A little sore, but I can get around."

"I'm glad to hear it." And she sounded genuinely glad. "You didn't have to do all that to meet me, though. You could've just knocked on my door and said hi."

"And waste an opener like puking my guts and almost dying in your car?" Zuko was rewarded with another giggle. She had a nice laugh, he thought. It was so easy to talk to her.

"It was a memorable opener, I'll give you that," she said, laughing again.

"Yeah." Zuko swallowed hard against his suddenly dry mouth. "I was actually calling to thank you. I don't know what would've happened if you hadn't been here."

"Don't worry about it," Katara said. "I'm just glad I was able to help."

"Yes, well..." Zuko chided himself for being such a coward, and he forced his next words out. "I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner with me. To thank you! To say thanks for saving my life."

"Zuko, you don't owe me anything," Katara said gently. Zuko's heart fell into his stomach.

"Oh...I just thought I'd offer." He tried to keep his tone even and friendly as he hit his forehead with his other hand. Stupid. This was a stupid, stupid idea. "If you're not interested, I understand."

"I didn't say I wasn't interested," Katara said quietly. "Just that you don't owe me. I-I wouldn't mind having dinner with you. Just...you know, not as an obligation you think you owe me."

"Oh..."

Oh!

"What if it's not an obligation?" Zuko asked. "What if-I'm asking because I think you're kind and pretty and I'd like to get to know you better?"

Katara went silent for what felt like a nerve-wrackingly long time, but was likely just a few short seconds. Then she said the three sweetest words Zuko thought he'd ever heard.

"It's a date."

[autistic-mandalorian]

I would love to hear this

Oh sure! Fair warning, this gets long, so it's under a cut:

So I have looked carefully at Maul post-bisection, specifically at where his abdomen ends and his prosthesis begins, and I believe that he was bisected between the L3 and L5 vertebrae, or just above his pelvic bone. Here is a diagram I drew on of where he was cut:

Image Description: The first image is a screenshot of Maul with his prosthetic legs from TCW. The screenshot is annotated to note where exactly Maul is divided between flesh and prosthesis. The second image is two diagrams side-by-side, one of the human body focusing on organs, and the other of the spine. Both have a line drawn around where the belly button is to note where Maul was bisected. End ID.

So in terms of what he lost, it was a LOT. Not just his legs, but most of his intestines, his bladder, his pelvis, his gonads, half his bones, most of his blood volume, and a lot of his abdominal and back muscles (as well as their attachment points, making the remaining muscles limited in their usefulness).

Image description: A diagram of the human musculature, from the ventral and dorsal sides. The diagram has a line drawn across it to show where Maul was bisected.

Fortunately for him, most of the organs in humanoids are located in the chest cavity (because the intestines need a LOT of room to work), so he kept his kidneys, liver, stomach, lungs, hearts, pancreas, gallbladder, etc etc. However, his intestines are interesting in that by getting chopped in half, his small intestine was actually disconnected from his large intestine. The small intestine connects to the large through the ileocecal valve, which is located on the left inferior side of the abdominal cavity. He got chopped right through the middle of the abdominal cavity, so he lost his entire cecum, the majority (if not all) of his ileum, and the valve that connected them. This means that anything he digested would just ooze into his abdominal cavity even after the giant wound repaired itself, unless he got surgery to reconnect them. We will say for the sake of the story that he fixed it with The Force while living in his trash hole.

Now, it is possible for people to be bisected like he was and survive, just only in a medical environment. It's an extremely rare and radical surgery called a hemicorporectomy. It's the last of the last resorts, because it leaves you with a lot of problems. Here are some of them:

Maul would need both a colostomy and urostomy bag, since his rectum and bladder are both gone. These would need to be regularly cleaned and emptied.

His missing intestines would also result in his not digesting most of his food fully, so he would need supplemental nutrients to help combat malnutrition. He obviously does not get these for most of his life (if ever) so he is almost certainly malnourished.

Due to his newfound Nightmare Castration, he would need regular doses of hormones or would risk osteoporosis. Which hormones is up to the reader (I nominate estrogen)

His spinal cord is, thankfully, fine--- it doesn't actually extend past L1-L2. However, he did lose the filum terminale, meaning his spinal cord is kinda unanchored in his spine and floating around, which isn't great and could lead to nerve issues down the line. Some of the nerves that were cut in his lumbar spine (specifically, the L4 lumbar nerve supplying the quadratus lumborum muscle) could also cause partial paralysis in his back, as well as some wicked back pain.

Shoutout to @necropocene for inspiration as well as the following headcanons:

Maul's lungs and other organs are constricted by his intestines being forced upward into his chest cavity, reducing his lung capacity

Maul suffers from chronic nausea

Maul's prosthesis needs to be very well-cushioned because the waist is not a load-bearing structure (too squishy!)

Now onto my specific headcanons for his prosthetics and mobility devices:

The thing about pelvises is not only do they let you use legs, they also allow your organs and muscles to attach to something rigid. For this reason, I think Maul should have two pelvises: one internal, being more like a metal frame that his abdominal and back muscles attach to, and one external and connected to his legs.

The lumbar spine and sacrum are what allow the spine to connect to the pelvis, so in order to use his prosthetic legs, I think it would be prudent to give Maul a prosthetic spine, Borg Queen-style. Now, this would admittedly be a pretty big infection risk (piece of metal sticking through the skin and all) but I think it's cool so I am invoking The Rule of Cool on this one.

Maul's legs are not something I spent much time on, because his canon ones are fine.

I do have headcanons for a wheelchair, though!

His wheelchair wouldn't be designed like your average wheelchair, because those are generally designed to accommodate people who have pelvises. His would probably look more like a plant pot or a baby bjorn, imo? It would have to support him without putting too much pressure on his torso, so I think a sort of foam well with a backrest, attached to wheels would be a good design.

I also think that his prosthetic spine should be able to dock with the wheelchair so that he can control it as an extension of his body, like the prosthetic legs.

Image description: Three pencil drawings on notebook paper. One is of Maul post-bisection, with each of his organs labeled and colostomy, urostomy, and gastronomy ports. The next two are of his wheelchair, which follows the description previously given. End ID.

And yeah, those are my headcanons! Thanks for asking :) I love talking about fantasy biology!

[artiststarme]

Let’s Get Medical!

Ok so I saw a few comments about Steve’s injuries on one of my last fics so let’s speculate! @goodolefashionedloverboi and @absurdityaddiction, thank you for your comments! They really got me thinking lol.

~*~*~*~

Steve had some pretty deep wounds to the left and right lumbar regions of the abdomen that were left untreated for at least several days. There are a lot of important organs in this vicinity including the large intestine, small intestine, liver, and stomach, as well as many blood vessels that supply blood to the rest of the body.

Steve should have cleaned the bites immediately to avoid infection or horrific scarring. Usually, wound care would be performed shortly after the injury in which sterilized water, hydrogen peroxide, and betadine would be used to prevent infection. Understandably, he had other things to worry about at the time such as getting out of the alternate dimension that was trying to kill him and his friends. All Steve did was have Nancy apply an improvised bandage from her shirt that was already soaked in lake water and tainted by the Upside Down toxins. It would’ve helped to slow the bleeding by applying necessary pressure but it wouldn’t have helped with infection or scarring. 

When he got back to the Rightside Up, he should’ve cleaned them with sterilized water, saline, or hydrogen peroxide but he didn’t. Instead, he went to sleep or something. We know because he was still wearing Nancy’s improvised cloth bandage the next day when they were making plans to go to the War Zone.

He might’ve been able to change his bandages and apply some remedial first aid after the War Zone once he changed his clothes but by then, the infection would’ve had time to set in. 

Bats are known to carry a multitude of harmful bacteria and dangerous viruses. Because demobats look so much nastier than the disease-infested cute bats in real life, I have to assume they would have some demented version of some virus (like Rabies) or bacteria (like leptospirosis). 

Steve would’ve started experiencing fever, chills, lethargy, and muscle aches within hours of the initial bites but he still went into the Upside Down to kill Vecna. All of the strenuous physical activity likely tore the wounds open over and over again which would cause horrible scarring as well as some chronic pain and inflammation in those areas.

When he got out of the Upside Down, he would’ve gone directly to the hospital for Max, Dustin, and Eddie (we don’t talk about other alternatives). After several days of untreated wounds, blood loss and infection, Steve would be having a truly horrible time. 

When his adrenaline crashed, he would’ve collapsed in the hospital with wounds the rest of the Party didn’t think were too serious. They wouldn’t know what to think when the doctors said he could die. 

The doctors would have to debride the wounds of dead skin since it wasn’t healing on its own. They would administer strong IV antibiotics and flush his system with saline to try and override the sepsis. Steve would most likely have to have several surgeries to harvest skin tissue from his back and thighs to try and replace the “pound of flesh” that the demobats tore off of him. 

He would be fine eventually but he would always have the extensive scarring, both mental and physical, to remember the Upside Down by. 

Luckily for him, Eddie definitely would think that the scars looked badass.

[ichorai]

blueberries ; one.

pairing ; joey tribbiani x gn!reader chapter synopsis ; the one with runaway brides, pregnant wives, and homewreckers. wc ; 8.5k warnings / includes ; talks of sex/suggestive content, mild cursing, mentions of cheating, reader is a physicist and also bisexual, literally everyone in the group is fruity other than ross lol

series masterlist. main masterlist.

The pretty waitress strode towards you with a sweet smile, your warm cup of tea balanced on one hand, and Joey’s slice of double fudge cake in the other. She dropped it by the table and you noticed a small piece of folded paper by the edge of your cup. 

Once she was gone, you picked up the paper and unfurled it, a smile growing across your lips.

“Whatcha got there?” Chandler asked, peering over your shoulder. 

“I think it’s the waitress’ number,” you replied, folding it back and pocketing it safely within your jeans. “She’s real pretty.”

Joey, already halfway through with his cake, teasingly spoke around a full mouth, “Too bad you never leave the house other than to hang with us. I can take that number off of you if you never end up using it.”

You shot him a half-hearted scowl, but remained quiet.

Just then, Monica and Phoebe strolled into the cafe, taking a seat on the large sofa beside you and Chandler. 

“There’s nothing to say, really,” the dark-haired woman told Phoebe in a defensive tone. “He’s just some guy I work with.”

“What’re you guys talking about?” Joey asked, having fully inhaled his cake in a matter of minutes. 

“Monica’s going out with someone,” you replied, wrinkling your nose in amusement and curling your legs up beneath you. You drank a sip of your tea as an excuse to hide away from her withering glare. “Isn’t that right, Monica?”

A roguish grin stretched across Joey’s features. “Come on. What’s the catch? You’re going out with a guy—there’s gotta be somethin’ wrong with him.”

“Does he eat chalk?” Phoebe queried, placing a comforting hand on Monica’s shoulder. “I don’t want you to go through what I went through with Carl, you know?”

The five of you grimaced at the memory of Carl.

“It’s not even a date!” said Monica, brushing her dark hair away from her face. “It’s just two people going out to dinner—and not having sex.”

Chandler scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. “Sounds like all the dates I’ve had.”

It was then that Ross came into the cafe, drenched from foot to toe. You glanced behind you to the window, surprised to see that it had started to rain without you realizing. It looked like your long-time friend was crying, but you couldn’t really tell if it was rainwater or tears that were on his face.

“Hi,” he mumbled, morose. 

You arched a brow. “You okay, Ross?”

He shook his head, squeezing between you and Chandler on the sofa. The two of you grimaced when his sodden clothes dripped all over you, and Chandler rolled his eyes before getting up and sinking into another chair. 

“Feels like someone reached down my throat, ripped out my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth, and tied it around my neck.”

“Cookie?” Chandler offered. Ross ignored him.

Monica sighed. “Carol moved her stuff out today,” she offered as an explanation, knowing Ross would take well over an hour of moping to finally get to the point. “Let me go grab you some coffee.”

As his sister left, Ross crossed his arms, swatting Phoebe away when she tried to cleanse his aura, as she often did. “I’ll be fine—really, I will. I hope she’ll be very happy.”

“No, you don’t, Ross,” you quipped.

“No, I don’t! To hell with her, she left me!”

Joey snorted. “And you never knew she was a lesbian?”

“I knew—” you said pointedly. “Ross just never listened to me.”

“I didn’t think you were being serious!” he exclaimed. “I don’t know, sometimes you joke about things being gay and stuff so I just thought it was a joke I wasn’t in on. Because, you know, I’m not—”

Lightly punching him in the shoulder, you gave him a stern look. “I know you’re not gay, Ross. Why would I joke about your wife being gay?”

“I mean, you did say she was really hot once,” Phoebe chimed, much to your dismay. At your soured expression, the blonde spoke up again, “What? I think she’s hot, too!”

Ross buried his face into his hands, groaning loudly. “Why does everyone keep fixating on the fact that she’s a lesbian? She didn’t know—how would I have known?”

“Didn’t she tell you that she just kinda found dicks gross at one point?” Chandler asked, lounging in an awkward position on the chair. Ross grumbled quietly under his breath, clearly not wanting to continue the conversation of his wife being gay. “Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian. Being bisexual is exhausting—do I want a man to sweep me off my feet or do I want a woman to sweep me off my feet? I’ll never know.”

Monica came back with the cup of coffee, handing it to Ross before turning to you excitedly. “Hey, Y/N. The waitress was asking about you.”

“Oh, yeah? What did she say?”

“She wanted to know if you were single or not.”

With bated breath, you snuck a glance to the counter, watching the pretty waitress take another customer’s order.

“And?”

“I told her you were single,” Monica replied. “Unless there’s something you’re not telling us…?”

“I’m single,” you reassured them. Ross made a strange noise that sounded like Chewbaca choking on a stick at the reminder of being single. “Ross, listen. It’s not your fault that your wife is queer—despite me telling you multiple times that she was—so let’s look at the bright side here. She’s not leaving you because of you. It’s the literal definition of it’s not you, it’s me.”

With a frown, Ross pried his fingers away from his still-damp face. “Yeah, I guess…”

Joey clapped his hands together, bringing everyone’s attention to him. “Alright, Ross, look. You’re feelin’ a lot of pain right now. You’re hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is?”

Ross nodded, apprehensive.

“Strip joints!”

The rest of you groaned. 

Joey shrugged, genuinely confused as to why it wouldn’t be a good idea. “Come on, you’re single now! Gotta release those hormones somehow.”

“See, I don’t want to be single!” Ross exclaimed in exasperation. “I just wanna be married again.”

As if on cue, a woman ran into the cafe, wearing a rather large white wedding dress. She was soaked and breathless, and her dripping brown hair was a mess, and the white fabric was streaked with dirt and mud and city street gunk.

All of you blinked in surprise. 

Chandler gestured to the door in a pleading manner. “And I just want a million dollars!”

“A million dollars really isn’t all that much—ask for a hundred million,” you told him. 

“A billion dollars!” he shouted.

“That’s too much. Nobody should have a billion dollars.”

“A trillion dollars!” he yelled again, ignoring you completely.

You rolled your eyes, before turning your gaze back to the lost woman in a wedding dress.

Concerned, Monica stood up, expression twisted into one of part-disbelief and part-recognition. 

“Rachel?” she asked as she approached the woman. 

“Oh, my God, Monica, thank goodness!” She threw her arms around a stricken Monica, the white fabrics of her wedding dress just about slapping her in the face. She spoke quickly, voice crackling with emotion. “I went to your apartment and some guy with a big hammer said you might be here, and you are! Gosh, I’m just so happy to see you!”

The rest of the group watched the two of them with evident confusion, and Monica led Rachel to the couch. “Oh, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. Rachel, this is everybody—that’s Chandler, Phoebe, Joey, Y/N… you remember my brother Ross, don’t you?”

“Sure!” Rachel smiled brightly, strangely cheerful for someone in a ruined, soaking wedding dress.

To make space for her and her rather spacious dress, you got up from the large couch and moved to Joey, bumping his hip playfully to get him to scooch aside on his chair so you could sit beside him. The two of you fought over space for a bit before he relented, grabbing your legs and swinging them over his thighs. You sent him a smug grin as you leaned back comfortably and Joey only stuck his tongue out at you childishly.

“So, uh, are you going to tell us now or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids, too?” Monica queried. 

“Wouldn’t be so bad, huh?” Joey whispered into your ear, and you jabbed an elbow into his side to shut him up.

“Oh, God,” Rachel started, gesturing emphatically with her hands. It didn’t slip your notice when Ross sat up straight, watching the new woman with wide eyes. “It started about half an hour before the wedding. I was in this room where we were keeping all these presents and I was looking at this gravy boat! This really gorgeous Limoges gravy boat, you see. Which led me to realize that… I was more turned on looking at this gravy boat than by Barry! And I got really freaked out, because how could I get married to someone I think is less attractive than a gravy boat? And I just kinda stare at him and I realize that he looks just like Mr. Potato Head. You know, I always thought he looked familiar but…” she trailed off, looking ready to burst into tears. “Anyway, I just had to get out of there—and I didn’t know anywhere else to go. I know you and I have drifted apart but you’re the only person I know who lived in the city.”

Pursing her lips, Monica eyed Rachel quizzically. “... Who wasn’t invited to the wedding.”

Rachel grimaced. “I was kinda hoping that wouldn’t be an issue.”

You stepped into Monica’s apartment, waving hello to the group of friends gathered on her couch.

“Hey guys,” you greeted, plopping down next to Rachel, still in her wedding dress. “Sorry I had to duck out at the cafe—work called. What’d I miss?”

“Rachel’s staying at Monica’s place now,” replied Phoebe. “I sang her a song to cheer her up!”

From behind the sofa, Joey curled an arm around you, and his other went over Rachel’s shoulders. “Hey, Rach, if you ever need a place to stay—Chandler and I live right across the hall. And Chandler’s away a lot.”

“Can you stop hitting on her?” you hissed, swatting his hand away. “God, Joey, it’s her wedding day!”

“Hey, don’t be jealous. I offered you the same when I first met you!” 

“Jo, honey, I had my own apartment then, and I still have my own apartment now.”

The man shrugged, pressing a quick, chaste kiss to the side of your head. “The offer still stands, sweetheart.”

Rachel raised her eyebrows, gesturing between the two of you. “So are you two… like…?”

“Oh, no!” you exclaimed, slapping a hand over Joey’s mouth to make sure he didn’t say something stupid. “He’s just flirty with everyone.”

Joey’s tongue darted out to lick across your palm and you quickly retracted your hand with an exclamation of disgust, wiping it over his jacket before shoving him. “You’re so gross.”

He trotted away to Chandler in the kitchen before you could hit him again, grinning like a fool.

Just then, the doorbell rang. Chandler peered through the peeping hole, and gasped in an overexaggerated manner.

“It’s Paul the wine guy!”

Phoebe tilted her head. “Monica, is your ‘guy from work’ date Paul the wine guy?”

With a smile, Ross placed a hand on his sister’s arm. “Oh my God, he finally asked you out on a date?”

“Y-Yeah, I was supposed to go out with him for lunch but…” Monica looked at Rachel on the sofa. “Rach, wait, I can cancel!”

“Oh, please, no, you should go, Monica! I’ll be fine!” the brunette assured her. 

“Do you want me to stay, Ross? Will you be okay?” 

Ross looked torn, but you sent him a nasty glare that clearly meant—stop being a whiny bitch baby and let your sister go. He straightened himself, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Yes, of course. You should go.”

Monica skipped to the door with a bright smile, slowly opening it to reveal Paul on the other side with—what do you know, a wine bottle. You pressed a fist to your lips to hide your laugh with a cough.

The man was quite the looker, and you had to roll your eyes to the ceiling when Phoebe started giggling with Monica like schoolgirls. As Monica said her goodbyes and strode out the door with Paul, Rachel and Ross had moved to the kitchen, where he began asking Rachel what her plans were for the night.

“Well, if you’re feeling lonely, you can always come to my place—Chandler and Joey are helping me put together some new furniture.”

Chandler held up a sloshing glass of orange juice he fished from the fridge. “It’s gonna be a blast! I just can’t wait to hit nails with a hammer like a real man!” he said, practically dripping with sarcasm.

“Oh,” said Rachel as she got up. “I’m flattered, really, but I think I just want to unwind here for tonight. It’s been a long day.” She excused herself, heading to the bathroom. 

Though Ross looked a little dejected, Joey and Chandler shrugged it off easily. “Hey, Phoebe, you wanna help out?”

The blonde pursed her lips in thought. “Mm, I wish I could, but I don’t want to.” 

You snorted in amusement, slinging an arm around her.

“What about you, Y/N?” asked Ross. “Could really use the company right now.”

“Oh, sorry, Ross, I can’t,” you winced. “I’ve got to run some calculations for work before tomorrow. I’ve got a presentation first thing on Monday. But call me if you need help, okay?” 

Apologetically, you leaned up to press a kiss to his cheek. 

“Bye, guys. Tell Rachel it was nice meeting her for me, will you? I should get going now.”

“What, and I don’t get a goodbye kiss?” Joey asked, stretching his arms out with an exaggerated pout. 

With a huff, you reluctantly gave him a hug, before swiftly pecking his cheek. “See you guys later, alright? You want a kiss too, Chandler?” 

“Would be nice,” he replied, scuffing the floor with the heel of his shoe. “I’m touch starved.”

“We know,” the four of you replied in tandem, before bursting into laughter.

You leaned over to kiss Chandler’s cheek too, and then Phoebe’s for good measure, before waving one last time and sliding out the door.

It wasn’t even two hours later when you got a call, with Ross yelling something about how he couldn’t feel his legs and how his life was crumbling apart because Chandler hammered a screw into his bookshelf instead of a nail. Joey was in the background moaning about how hungry he was, and Chandler was screaming at Ross to calm down, which obviously made Ross even more upset.

So there you were, standing outside of Ross’ door with two boxes of pizza and sleepy eyes. You passed out on top of your work an hour through, the ringing from Ross’ call being what shocked you awake. 

As soon as the door swung open, Ross immediately enveloped you in a hug, speaking so quickly that it all went in one ear and out the other. Something about his lesbian wife, you supposed. You patted his back lethargically. 

Joey came forward to take the pizzas off of you, somehow already managing to stuff half a slice into his face with one bite. “You’re a lifesaver, Y/N. I could kiss you right now.”

You wrinkled your nose. “Please don’t.”

Littered around Ross’ relatively empty apartment was a bunch of loose piles of wood and metal poles and silver nails and screws haphazardly strewn all over the floor. 

“You guys are a mess.”

For the rest of the time, the three men ate as they watched you tiredly read over the manuals, before slowly but accurately assembling together the furniture. They all clapped once you finally put together the bookshelf—amazed at the fact that it didn’t topple to the ground as soon as you put one book on top, as it did when they tried. 

“You’re good with your hands,” Joey commented slyly. “Wonder what else they’re good at.”

“I’ve been told I’m good at punching people,” you replied dryly, sitting on a single stool and leaning against Joey for support, seeing as Ross didn’t have a couch anymore. You closed your eyes sleepily, and he placed an arm around you. Quietly, you mumbled out, “If I fall asleep, just tell Ross it’s not because I hate him, okay? I have a feeling just about anything would set him off tonight.”

“What if there’s only one person for everybody, you know?” Ross blubbered to Chandler from across the room, proving your point exactly. “What if you just get one chance—and that’s it?”

Pulling a sour expression, Joey cocked his head as he said, “What the hell are you talking about, Ross? One person? That’s so… limiting. It’s like saying there’s only one ice cream flavor you like. Let me tell you something, Ross, there’s tons of ice cream flavors out there. There’s rocky road, and cookie dough, and Bing cherry vanilla! You can get ‘em with jimmies, or nuts, or whipped cream, if you know what I’m saying.” He winked down at you and you pinched his side. “Personally, I think I’m a mint chocolate chip. Chandler—you’re a raspberry sorbet. Y/N, I think you’d be somethin’ like blueberry cheesecake. And Ross… you’re a… vanilla. With nuts, if we’re going wild with it.”

Mildly offended that Joey called him vanilla, Ross opened his mouth to retort something, but Chandler beat him to it.

“You think I’m raspberry sorbet?”

Joey waved the both of them away. “Anyways, the point is, this is the best thing that’s ever happened to you! You got married when you were like, what? Eight? Welcome back to the world—grab a spoon!”

“Though, your options are a bit more limited seeing as you’re the only straight one in this room,” you chimed, lifting your head from Joey’s side with a sleepy grin. Ross shot you a dirty look. 

“Honestly, I don’t know if I’m horny or hungry.”

“Ugh, you’re gross,” you complained, letting your eyes slip back shut. 

Groaning in disgust, Chandler backed away. “Stay out of my freezer.”

 Ross sighed heavily, sliding down the wall and slumping against it as if he were a ragdoll. There was a beer can in his hand, one that he claimed was Carol’s favorite drink, and he took a long swig. 

“Grab a spoon, pfft,” Ross mocked. “Do you know how long it’s been since I grabbed a spoon? You know, even if I could get it together to ask a woman out, who’d I ask?”

Exhaling softly, you moved away from Joey (much to his dismay, he was just getting warm with you cozying up to his side), and sat down beside Ross.

“Hey, dude,” you said, nudging his arm. “It’s okay if you haven’t grabbed a spoon in a while. Grabbing spoons as quickly as you can won’t instantly make things better. Things like this take time—you don’t have to rush into anything. Whatever happens, happens man. You’ll be okay. I mean, it’s not like either of you did anything wrong. It’s just life, you know?”

Tears pricked the corners of Ross’ eyes. He ducked his head so you wouldn’t see, but you knew they were there nonetheless.

“Thanks, Y/N,” he mumbled, sniffling. Pursing your lips, you roped him into an embrace.

“Well, isn’t that nice?” Chandler said, biting down on a slice of pizza. He turned to Joey again with a furrowed brow. “Now back to the things that are actually important. Why on earth do you think I’m raspberry sorbet?”

The next morning, you found yourself having breakfast at Monica’s place, sitting between Chandler and Joey, who had just dumped the coffee Rachel made for them into your cup of tea while her back was turned. 

You kicked both of them underneath the table, but smiled sweetly when Rachel came back, surprised at how quickly the two boys had downed their coffee.

“Would you like some?” Rachel asked. “It’s my first time making it!”

“No!” you blurted out, embarrassingly quick. “Sorry, I’m just—trying to cut back on caffeine.”

“Suit yourself,” she replied, before leaning back against the sink. “I do have a question for you guys though—do you, uhm… all have jobs?”

Monica cocked her head, biting into her buttered toast. “Yeah, we all have jobs. See, that’s how we buy things.”

“Ugh, capitalism,” you muttered under your breath, taking a sip of your mug before realizing that it was full of the bitter coffee that Rachel made, and tried to discreetly spit it back out. Joey noticed however, and patted your back sympathetically.

“You and your fancy words, Y/N,” he said, as if you were just making the word up.

Rachel pulled the dark bathrobe tighter around her figure. “What do all of you do?”

“Well, you know I’m a chef,” said Monica. “Y/N is a physicist, Joey is an actor, and Chandler… uhm… Chandler plays with numbers and data and all that.”

“Wow! Would I have seen you in anything?” she asked Joey.

“Eh, mostly regional work—”

“He was in that Wee One’s production of Pinocchio,” you put in, earning yourself a pinch to the thigh. You grinned at him cheekily.

Chandler barked out a laugh, mimicking the line of, “Look Geppeto, I’m a real live boy!”

“I’m not taking this abuse,” said Joey, standing up to head to the door.

The two of you apologized quietly, before Chandler abruptly stood up and pranced out the door singing, “Once I was a wooden boy, a little wooden boy!”

Joey followed him back to their apartment, yelling out obscenities along the way.

You rolled your eyes. “Love to talk more, ladies, but I’ve gotta head to work.”

“What exactly do you do, though?” Rachel asked. It wasn’t often that you saw someone genuinely curious about your work, other than Ross. 

“I specialize in quantum physics—I do quite a bit of research for my field, and propose theories, and sometimes I lecture students working on their doctorate degrees. In fact, that was how I met Ross—we were both teaching at the same university for a couple months and became friends, and through him, I met the rest of the group.”

Rachel blinked at you with amazement. “That sounds amazing! Do you know how I could get one of those?”

“Er… what?”

“You know. A job. Like the rest of you have.”

Sending Monica a confused glance, you said, “Rachel, have you never had a job before?”

“Well,” she taps her finger against her lips, “I’ve babysat for cash before. Does that count?”

“Oh, honey,” simpered Monica from beside Rachel. “Good luck finding one. I’m sure there’s plenty of restaurants or cafes looking to hire a waitress.”

The memory of the waitress from yesterday flashed into your mind—with her pretty eyes and sweet smile… 

You shook your head, before checking the time. You blanched upon seeing that you were nearly late for your presentation. “Gosh, I gotta run. See you guys later!”

That night, the entire friend group sat around Rachel as she hovered over all the credit cards she had that were paid by her father.

“Come on, give her a break. It’s hard to live on your own for the first time,” Phoebe said.

Rachel frowned at the nice words, as if she was going to cry. “Oh, thank you, Pheebs.”

“Yeah, I remember I was fourteen and my mom had just killed herself and my stepdad was in prison! I didn’t know anybody, so I ended up living with this albino guy who was cleaning windshields outside Port Authority. And then, heh, what do you know, he killed himself, too. Then I found aromatherapy! So believe me, I know exactly how you feel.” The blonde smiled sweetly, and you couldn’t help but give her a one-armed hug from the side.

“Here,” Monica said, handing Rachel a pair of large orange scissors. “Just cut ‘em. You’ll feel so much better afterwards.”

The group began chanting ‘cut, cut, cut!’ as if it were some sort of cult ritual. Finally, Rachel straightened herself and cut through each of the cards, lips puckered in a pout.

“Welcome to the real world,” said Chandler.

“It sucks,” you chimed.

“You’re gonna love it!” exclaimed Monica.

The waitress was staring at you again. You could feel her eyes practically boring holes into the back of your neck. Apprehensively, you turned ever so slightly to meet her gaze, but she quickly pretended to be busy with wiping down the counters.

Joey snapped his fingers in front of your face, bringing your attention back to him.

“Are you even listening?” he asked. 

“No,” you replied easily, which made him snort out a laugh.

Monica gestured wildly as she explained again to the confused men. “It’s just, for us, kissing is as important as any part of it.”

“Yeah, right,” Joey scoffed. Once he realized that the three women were dead serious, he furrowed his brows. “Wait, you’re not pulling my leg?”

Nodding emphatically, Rachel said, “Everything you need to know is in that first kiss!”

With a shrug, Chandler put forth, “Yeah, I think for us, kissing is more like an opening act. It’s like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.”

Ross murmured his agreement rather sheepishly. “Right, and it’s not like we don’t like the comedian, it’s just that… that’s not why we bought the ticket.” 

“What about you, Y/N?” asked Phoebe. “Do you prefer the comedian or… Pink Floyd?”

With a hum, you traced the rim of your teacup with your pointer finger before sighing. “I don’t really have a concrete answer for that, honestly. Both the comedian and the actual show are great, but—sometimes I don’t even want the comedian at all, and sometimes I don’t want the show at all. It depends on the person and the situation.” A bit quieter, you tacked on, “Sometimes the longer the comedian drags on, the better the show’ll be after. And sometimes the comedian and the show perform at the same time—you guys gotta think outside the box, here.”

The rest of the group blinked at you owlishly. 

With a smile, Rachel whooped. “Y/N, you little devil! I didn’t know you were into foreplay! But you know what, you’re right. Maybe the comedian should never leave the stage!”

Heat flushed your cheeks at Rachel’s loud words. You wondered if the waitress could hear your conversation. “Woah, I never said that—”

“I’m confused,” Joey interjected. “Are we still talking about sex?”

You watched in amusement as Chandler and Joey began digging into Monica’s lasagne in search of Rachel’s lost wedding ring. A bit of sauce smeared over Joey’s cheek and you reached over to wipe it away with your thumb, muttering out how ridiculous they looked nearly elbow-deep in cheese and pasta.

There was a knock at the door, and when Monica swung it open, you were greeted with a forlorn Ross. Honestly, when wasn’t he forlorn these days?

“Hi,” he said, looking like he wanted a hole to open up in the ground and swallow him whole.

“Why the long face?” you asked, moving away from the pair rifling through the lasagna to the Geller siblings by the door. 

Ross’ voice cracked a little as he replied, “Carol’s pregnant.”

“I found it!” Phoebe exclaimed from behind you, which was funny because she didn’t have any lasagna on her hands while the other two boys held handfuls of the pasta. She held the ring up, covered in marinara sauce and small chunks of beef, holding it out to Rachel.

Monica’s face dropped in shock. “Wh-Wha—? Wh… What?” 

“Yeah. Do that for another two hours, and you might be where I am right now,” Ross said, walking into the apartment. 

Placing a hand on his shoulder, you led him to the couch for him to take a seat. “How do you fit into this whole thing?”

“Carol says she and Susan want me to be involved, but if I’m not comfortable with it—then I don’t have to be. Basically, it’s totally up to me.”

Phoebe called out from the sink as she washed her hands, “She’s so great! I miss her.”

They half-heartedly glared at her, but you stifled a laugh. 

“What does she mean by involved?” asked Monica.

“Presumably, the biggest part of your job is done!” Chandler added, which earned him a light punch to the shoulder.

Scratching his head, Ross loosened his tie, feeling like he was being suffocated. “They want me to go down to this sonogram thing with them tomorrow. I have no idea if I’m going or not. No matter what I do, though… I’m still going to be a father.”

Clattering from the kitchen made the group turn their heads to see Joey practically attacking the lasagna with a spoon that was far too big, shoveling the pasta into his mouth. At the incredulous stares, Joey flinched defensively. “What? This is still ruined, right?”

Ross stood beside the television as he showed everybody the sonogram of the baby, a smile etched permanently across his face. “Isn’t that just amazing?”

You were just about to chime in about how big they already look, but Joey beat you to it by asking, “What the hell am I supposed to be looking at? Is that its foot or its head?”

“If you tilt your head to the left and relax your eyes, it kinda looks like an old potato,” Phoebe said as she squinted in concentration at the screen.

Ross eyed her warily. “Then don’t do that.”

From beside you, Monica started tearing up, and you could hear her little sniffles. Man, do the Gellers cry a lot. You wrapped an arm around her waist and she leaned her head onto your shoulder as the two of you watched the sonogram. 

“How’d your date go, Pheebs?” you asked the blonde as she walked into Central Perk. 

She made a noise of discontent, tugging her light blue coat off. “Not so good. He walked me to the subway and said, ‘we should do this again’.”

The rest of the group grimaced, saved for Rachel, who appeared confused.

“What? He said they should do it again—isn’t that good?”

“Uh, no,” Monica interjected, raising a finger. “Loosely translated, ‘we should do this again’ means ‘you will never see me naked’!”

Rachel reared back. “Since when?” 

“Since always!” said Joey. “It’s, like, dating language. How ‘it’s not you’ always means ‘it is you’.”

Chandler nodded. “Or ‘you’re such a nice guy’ means ‘I’m going to be dating leather-wearing alcoholics and complaining about them to you’! Not speaking from personal experience or anything.”

“Or how ‘I think we should see other people’ means ‘hah! I already am!’” Phoebe added.

“And everybody just knows this? Y/N, you’re the smart one. Is this true?”

You shrugged a shoulder. “Well, I’d say it’s less about the phrase itself and more about how people use it nowadays. Nobody says ‘you’re such a nice guy’ without some sort of intention of friendzoning them, right?” 

Rachel still appeared miffed, so Joey piped up, “Yeah, it cushions the blow.”

“Like when you’re a kid and your parents put your old dog to sleep and they tell you it went off to live on some farm,” Chandler explained.

From opposite you, Ross’ eyes lit up. “That’s funny, because our parents actually did send our dog off to live on a farm!”

The rest of the group stared at him. 

“Uh, Ross—?” Monica started.

“Hello? The Milner’s farm in Connecticut? You don’t remember that? The Milners, they had this unbelievable farm and they had horses and rabbits that he could chase and…” The words died on his tongue as it slowly began to dawn upon him. “Oh, my God, Chi-Chi!”

The couch sank beneath your weight as you sat down, Joey’s script in hand.

“How could you do this to me, Tom? I thought we were best friends,” you read off the paper, trying your best not to laugh at Joey’s concentrated expression.

Joey was walking around with his hands perched on his hips, uttering the next line, “I was never only your friend. I loved you.”

The two of you looked at each other for a moment, before you allowed a smile to break through.

“That was great, Jo!”

“Yeah?” He cuffed you on the shoulder with a genuine grin. “Let’s keep going.”

It was then that Chandler walked out from his room, waving hello to you. “What’re you two doing?”

“Practicing,” Joey replied. “Got a big audition coming up.”

Clearing your throat, you read the next line, standing up so you’d be able to face Joey. “What do you expect me to say, Tom?”

Joey shook his head, shoulders slumping. You couldn’t help but be impressed at how quickly he could fall into character. “Tell me you love me back.”

“I…” You stared at him, watching the way his gaze would dart from your eyes to your lips, and back up again. Man, he was a great actor. “I can’t tell you that.”

He sighed, resigned. “Then I’m going out for a smoke.”

Brandishing a cigarette from his pocket, he used a lighter to set off the end, before inhaling sharply. Not a second later, he was coughing with a grimace plastered across his face. “Damn it! How am I ever going to get the part if I don’t know how to smoke properly? This tastes awful.”

“Relax your hand,” Chandler chimed, sitting down on the couch. “Let your wrist go. No, wait, not so much. Alright, good. Now try taking a puff.”

Inhaling softly this time, Joey looked to the side, white plumes falling from the edges of his lips. He coughed once more. “Nope, no. I hate this!”

“Okay, no, give it to me.”

“I’m not giving you a cigarette!” Joey protested, pulling his arm away.

“No, it’s fine. You wanna get this part or not?”

You sat back down, grinning. “If it’s any motivation, I think smoking is hot. I don’t find smokers hot because, you know—lung cancer and everything—but the act of smoking? That’s hot.”

Joey narrowed his eyes at you, before reluctantly handing Chandler the cigarette.

“Alright, don’t think of it as a cigarette. Think of it as the thing that has been missing from your hand. When you’re holding it, you feel right. You feel complete.” Slowly, he brought it up to his mouth to take a puff, and as soon as his lips touched the end, he let out a loud groan as he exhaled. “Oh, my God.”

You had to wrestle him to take the cigarette away before he could breathe in any more. 

Later that night, you were back at Central Perk, sitting by Monica, who had her hand extended out in front of her. “They say that it’s from the tip of a guy’s thumb to the tip of his index finger.”

The three men, Ross, Chandler, and Joey, began extending their own hands, looking at the distance with disdain. 

You chortled a laugh when Ross asked if he could use either thumb.

Rachel strode up to the couches with a tray full of drinks. “Alright, don’t tell me! Decaf cappuccino for Joey, black coffee for Ross, latte for Chandler, peppermint mocha for Y/N, and an iced tea for Monica!”

She handed out each drink with a proud grin, and none of you had the heart to tell her that she had gotten every drink mixed up—save for yours. You began nursing your mocha with a small grin to her.

“I’m getting pretty good at this!” she exclaimed. God, she was so cute, you thought fondly as she walked away to take another customer’s order.

When her back was turned, the drinks were finally switched around, and you watched in amusement as they hurriedly exchanged mugs. It was then that Phoebe walked in, making incoherent noises and hands fluttering about as she muttered.

“You okay, Phoebe?” asked Joey. 

She waved him away. “Yeah, no, it’s not even worth—okay, I guess I’ll tell you guys about it. It’s my bank!”

Monica leaned forward. “What did they do to you?”

“I open up my mail and look at my monthly statement, and there’s five hundred extra dollars in my account!”

“Congrats!” you exclaimed just as Chandler sarcastically gasped out, “Satan’s minions at work again!”

“Now I have to go down there and deal with them,” Phoebe moped.

“What’re you talkin’ about?” crowed Joey. “Keep it!”

Vehemently, Phoebe shook her head. “No, it’s not mine! I didn’t earn it! If I kept it, it’d be like stealing!”

Rachel came back around with a cup of coffee, leaning over to tell Phoebe, “Yeah, but if you spent it, it’d be like shopping!” 

“Okay, but I’d never be able to enjoy it, you know? It’d be like this giant karmic debt!” she cried out, clearly frustrated with the entire ordeal. 

You would’ve replied with something to comfort her, but the thought was torn from you when you noticed Chandler awkwardly bent over the couch, as if trying to hide something.

“Dude, what are you doing?” you asked, peering over to look. “Damn it, Chandler!” you yelled, grabbing him by the belt and hauling him upright. 

With a roll of his eyes, he sat up, white smoke falling from his mouth as he blew out, defeated.

“Gross!” Monica yelled.

“You’ve been so good for three years, I can’t believe you!” said Phoebe. 

“And this,” Chandler held up the cigarette, “is my reward!”

Shaking his head, Ross held a hand out. “Hold on a second, remember what happened the last time you quit?”

“Okay, so this time I won’t quit! If anything, you should be angry at Joey and Y/N, they were smoking it all up in our apartment this morning!”

The two of you gasped. “No, we weren’t! I hate smoking!” Joey yelled. “Y/N was the one that said smoking was hot!”

You smacked his arm. “The act of it is, actual smokers aren’t hot! Don’t you remember what I said about lung cancer? Chandler, don’t pin the blame on us, you chose to smoke!”

Exasperated, Chandler groaned. “Fine. I’m putting it out.” He threw the cigarette into Phoebe’s coffee, much to her dismay. 

“Alright,” Monica said, inching away from the group. “I gotta change—I’ve got a date soon.” You briefly remembered her mentioning that things hadn’t gone so well with Paul, so she was exploring the dating pool once again.

“Is this Alan again?” Rachel asked excitedly. “How’s it going?”

A smile spread across Monica’s features. “It’s going good! He’s nice.” 

“So when do we get to meet the guy?” asked Joey.

“Hm…” Monica tapped a finger against her lips. “Never. See you guys!”

“Come on!” the group exclaimed after her. 

“No!” she said. “Not after what happened with Steve!”

Snorting, Chandler shook his head. “What are you talking about? We loved Shteve. Shteve wash shexy!”

The rest of the group hid their laughter behind cups of coffee. 

“Look, I don’t even know how I feel about him yet. Just give me a chance to figure it out.”

“Then we can meet him?” asked Rachel, hopeful.

Monica grinned. “Nope! Bye, guys!” With that, she skipped out of the cafe. 

You drank the rest of your mocha, placing the mug onto the table and leaving a large tip for Rachel beneath the cup—you were honestly quite flattered that out of all the orders, she had gotten yours right. 

“I better get going, too.”

“What?” asked Joey. “Where are you going?”

“Uh…” You scratched the back of your neck. “Work.”

Ross arched a brow. “I thought you said you had the day off today. What’s going on?”

“Oh, my God!” Phoebe exclaimed. “You’re seeing someone!”

The group burst out into a dozen questions at once and you held your hands up. “Woah, woah! I’m not seeing someone, I just—” 

“Is it that waitress that gave you her number?” Joey interrupted, a bit less enthusiastic than everybody else. 

Heat crawled up your neck and festered into your face. “Yeah, but it’s not a date,” you sighed. “It’s just a casual meet up.”

“So… sex,” Chandler deadpanned.

You rolled your eyes. “Yes, sex. Don’t be such a child about it.”

“How long have you been doing this?” Rachel gasped, resting a hand on your arm. “And why didn’t you tell me?” she asked, a little whiny. 

“Around, uh, a week, I think? And I didn’t tell you because it just feels… I don’t know, embarrassing?”

“Oh, honey, you don’t have to be embarrassed around us!”

Joey blanched. “A week? How many times have you guys done it?”

“Oh, God, Joey, I’m not going to tell you about my sex life. I’m running late already—I’ll see you guys later!”

With that, you practically dashed out of the cafe, heart beating irregularly quickly and cheeks set aflame.

“Do you all promise?” 

Ross rolled his eyes. “Yes, Mon, we promise we’ll be good.”

You nodded with a sweet smile in hopes of quelling her growing anxiety of letting her closest friends meet a guy she was dating. 

Not a second later, Phoebe stormed into Monica’s apartment, sitting down right beside you and showing you a letter from her bank. 

“Dear Ms. Buffay, thank you for calling attention to our error. We have credited your account five hundred dollars. We’re sorry for the inconvenience, and hope you’ll accept this football phone as our free gift.” She pulled out a large brown phone in the shape of, what do you know, a football, looking so cross you could’ve sworn steam was coming out of her ears. “Can you believe this? Now I have a thousand dollars and a football phone!”

Blinking in astonishment, Rachel snatched the letter from you, exclaiming, “What bank is this?”

The door rang, cutting any further questions about Phoebe’s strange bank off. 

“He’s here!” Rachel exclaimed, throwing the letter away somewhere behind her, clapping her hands excitedly.

Before Monica opened the door, she clasped her hands together and addressed the entire group. “Please be good. Please? Remember how much you like me and try not to make fun of him too much.”

“So?” Monica started, anxiously brushing dark strands of hair away from her face. “Let the Alan-bashing begin. Who’s gonna take the first shot?”

The group awkwardly glanced at each other, strangely silent. 

If you had to admit, you rather liked Alan. He was funny, charming, and had real pretty eyes.

“I’ll go,” said Ross. “Let’s start with the way he kept… ugh, no, I’m sorry, I can’t. Can’t do it! We loved him.”

The rest of them chimed in their agreement enthusiastically.

“Wait a minute, we’re talking about someone that I’m going out with?” Monica asked, incredulous.

“Know what was great? The way his smile was kind of crooked,” Joey sighed, dreamily looking off into space. 

With a scoff, you slapped his thigh. “Watch it, Joey. Wouldn’t want you catching feelings for Monica’s boyfriend here.”

“Jealous, much? Want me all to yourself?” he asked flirtatiously, leaning down closer to you. You wrinkled your nose and shoved him away.

The rest of the group began chattering about Alan again, and how he did the best impression of David Hasselhoff.

You turned back to Joey. “Both of us know you can’t stick to one person, Jo.” Your words were meant to be teasing and light-hearted, but you couldn’t help but notice the way Joey’s face fell just a bit at your words.

“I can stick to you,” he said, uncharacteristically softly, fingers threading between yours. “You’re a pretty sticky person, you know?”

“Har, har, har. That’s funny, Joey,” you crooned sarcastically. “Also really gross. Don’t call me sticky ever again.”

Joey smiled at you, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. You decided not to say anything about it, and turned your attention back to the group and listened to them fawn over Alan.

Back at Central Perk, you had just come out of the bathroom in time to hear the gang berating Chandler for smoking again, and you sat down between Ross and Joey on the large couch. 

“This is so unfair,” Chandler barked, blowing out white plumes of smoke. “So I have a flaw—big fucking deal! Like Joey’s constant knuckle-cracking isn’t annoying? Or Ross, with his over-pronouncing every goddamn word! And Monica, with that snort when she laughs! Or when Y/N refuses to get Chinese takeout because they use styrofoam containers and they hate the sound of styrofoam! I haven’t had Chinese takeout in months! I accept all of those flaws, why can’t you accept me for this?”

The entire group pursed their lips and dejectedly hung their heads in silence.

“You can just order Chinese takeout on your own,” you grumbled under your breath. “You don’t always have to have me there.”

“Yeah, well, then I’d feel bad!” replied Chandler, crossing his arms like a child. “I’d be chewing on my pork dumplings and thinking—man, I betrayed one of my closest friends for this.”

“Does the knuckle cracking bother everybody, or just him?” asked Joey, hands glued firmly to his sides, as if he had to consciously remind himself not to crack them. 

Placing a hand on his shoulder, you faked a look of reassurance, before deadpanning, “We could live without it, Jo.”

“Is it just a little annoying? Or is it like when Phoebe chews her hair?”

As if on cue, Phoebe spat out locks of blonde that she was working between her teeth. You coughed to hide your growing smile. 

“Don’t listen to him, Pheebs, alright? I think it’s endearing,” said Ross.

Joey frowned, then spoke again, over-enunciating each word. “Oh, you do, do you?”

Monica snort-laughed, which made Chandler gesture erratically towards her. 

“There’s nothing wrong with speaking correctly!” Ross defended.

“Indeed, there isn’t!” Rachel proudly gesticulated, also poking fun at Ross with overstretched syllables. At Ross’ withering glare, she squeaked, “I should really get back to work!” 

“Otherwise, someone might get what they actually ordered,” Phoebe muttered quietly, but not quiet enough for Rachel not to hear.

The brunette’s jaw dropped. “Oh, so the hair comes out and the gloves come on!”

The entire group burst into a raucous argument, and you found yourself somehow defending and protesting against both Phoebe and Joey at the same time. From the corner of your eye, you could see Chandler get up and walk away with a skip in his step, and a lit cigarette in hand.

It was a little past two in the morning. You had barely thrown anything on except for a worn black hoodie and a pair of jeans that had holes in the pockets. But you just needed to leave—it felt like you couldn’t breathe in your own apartment.

A part of you considered going to Monica’s. 

But for some reason unbeknownst to you, you found yourself in front of Joey’s bedroom, having gotten through their front door with an emergency spare key they had given you. This wasn’t really an emergency, but you’ve used it for lesser reasons.

Swallowing down the lump in your throat, you knocked on the door.

A couple seconds later, a groggy Joey swung it open, dark hair messily strewn over his head. He was rubbing his fists into his eyes, muffling a yawn as he said, “Oh, hi, Y/N. You missed a lot this afternoon—Chandler quit smoking, Phoebe found a thumb in a can of soda and got seven thousand bucks for it, Monica broke up with Alan and I’m obviously devastated about it but—”

He immediately stopped in his brief recap of the day when he finally looked at you properly, noticing the way your eyes were puffy and red, as if you’d been crying. There were dried tear tracks on your cheeks, barely visible beneath the dim moonlight streaming through the window across the room. 

“Hey, hey,” his hands were on your shoulders instantly, roping you closer to him in a warm embrace. You buried your head into his chest, lips trembling as you staved away the burning urge to sob right into him. “Are you okay? What’s going on?”

Gently, he led you into his room, sitting you down on his bed. 

“I don’t even know… it’s not that big of a deal, I just… felt so overwhelmed,” you croaked, pulling your knees up to your chest. 

“What happened?” he asked, sitting down beside you and slinging a protective arm over your back. 

“You remember that waitress that I had a thing with?”

Joey hummed.

“Well, she’s married. And she’s got a kid. I didn’t know, obviously. I just… I don’t know. She told me while we were messing around, like—how fucked up is that? I mean, it’s bad enough that you’re using me to cheat on someone that you’ve got a kid with, but it’s even worse to bring that up while we were… doing it, you know? I told her to leave and she begged me to hear her out. She wouldn’t go, and got angry at me for some fucking reason, so I told her I’d leave the apartment and if she wasn’t gone by the time I got back I’d call the cops on her. I know it wasn’t really my fault but—I still feel terrible about it. I don’t want to be the reason a family falls apart, Joey.” 

You were shaking against him, and a stray tear meandered down your cheek. 

There wasn’t really much Joey could say. He was never very good at comforting people.

He pressed a kiss to your cold forehead, brushing away haphazard strands of hair. 

“You wanna stay over?” he offered, patting his bed. “I can sleep on the couch.”

Wordlessly, you pulled back his comforter and laid down, exhausted beyond relief. 

Joey patted your back one more time for good measure, before getting up to head to the living room.

“No,” you mumbled, hand loosely wrapping around his wrist. “Please stay here with me.”

Hesitant, he asked, “You sure?”

Joey never got a response—you had already fallen asleep. With a shrug, he slid into the bed beside you, winding his arms over you and cradling you from behind. His nose pressed into your shoulder and he inhaled sharply, noting with pleasant surprise that you smelled like blueberries. 

“Good night, Y/N.”

You shifted in his hold so that your arm laid over his that was thrown over your waist. 

Joey fell into an easy, dreamless sleep in no less than a minute.

[sharp-silver4795]

EJ’s Chemistry

For @papermunchingfella who wanted to know more about this!! Thank you for indulging me and my nerdiness!!

There’s a few warnings I need to point out: If you are easily sick to the stomach, don’t like to hear about explicit anatomy, or anything like that, DO NOT READ THIS!

We gonna put this through in order just like the human body! But with a lil bit different yk?

Step 1: Ingestion

I said this in my HC post that he has 3 tongues which aid in digestion. The shortest one covers his trachea while he swallows, the longest works like a normal tongue, and the other releases similar saliva. However, this saliva is a neutral substance (neither acidic nor basic).

Step 2: Chemical Digestion

So, he works the same way as us, he has this stomach with HCl- however it’s not nearly as diluted. Rather than simple epithelial tissue, he has columnar epithelium and adipose tissue lining his stomach to prevent issues with the hydrochloric acid.

His small intestine is where things start to differ. He doesn’t have a large intestine (which, for us, lets us reabsorb water). He just one has a giant intestine. The first three areas are just like ours, but then, when food hits the “large intestine” area it’s a lil different.

What his body will do is, rather than absorbing water, it will flood it with water instead. His intestine at this point is going to take it over to (what I call) an acid bladder.

Step 2.5: Decomposition

In this area, Ammonium Nitrate (an acidic salt) will dilute with the water and some Sulfuric acid (what’s found in car batteries). This is enough to completely dissolve whatever solid waste is left.

From that point it will move to the basic “kidneys” for the acid to be neutralized with sodium carbonate (a strong base). This ends with water (as a vapor), CO2 (gas) and sodium nitrate (aqueous).

Step 3: Recycle

The sodium nitrate is a food additive for more Nitrogen, so it and most of The aqueous solution will go right back to the intestine!

Step 4: Removal

Just like any other being, waste needs to be gotten rid of.

Note: in this winding amount of chemical changes, ammonia, chlorine gas, and nitrogen gas will come up too.

Salts of any kind are often removed with sweat.

CO2, H2O, Cl2, N2, and NH3 will come out through exhale

Any extra acids/bases will get pushed into his mouth through saliva which he will drool out when he eats.

Extra Organs Explained

There is an acid organ that literally just holds it. It has Nitric Acid in it (HNO3).

The basic organ has Ammonium Hydroxide (NH4OH) in it. This is a very weak base.

Sorry if this wasn’t exactly great- there are a few gaps. So… yeah! I hope this was Alr!

Also, you can send me asks! I’m bored all the time I’d love to tell yall more abt my weird hyper fixations!!!

[danganronpa-textposts]

I've got multiple scars.

When i was 6, i was running around in the frontyard of my house, tripped and cut my right knee on ...something or other, not sure what exactly, and got a deep cut. The scar that remains has, in the time since, faded to the point of being imperceptible... unless you know where to look. this is also my oldest memory btw.

1 year ago, I was running around inside my house, and slipped on water in the kitchen, hit my left knee on the edge of the ceramic structure that supports the sink, which isn't sharp at all, but i was running fast enough that i had to get three stitches in it.

Once during lunch, my sister had picked up a really hot pan, and then, while she was behind me, she SOMEHOW hit my left arm with it, and it was hot enough that even though it only hit me for a moment, it gave me a nasty burn wound, and now i have a small-ish rectangular patch of skin in my arm that is slightly rougher than the skin surrounding it.

My last story is of my nastiest scar... which also happens to be the most boring scar. Appendectomy. They cut a large hole in me in order to rip out a chunk of my large intestines, so obviously it took a lot of stitches, and even a decade later it's still the most prominent scar on my entire body.

three stitches from a sink? that’s kind of impressive

[autisticdoomslayer]

Anatomy & injury tips, P1

So I'm taking an anatomy class, and not only is it interesting, it's useful for writing/making art. So I figured I'd talk about some of the stuff I've learned so far that could be useful.

Before I get into it, I'd like to point out that I'm going to be doing this series by the modules of my class, so it's going to be fairly spread out. If you want more of this, you might want to follow my "Doom's Anatomy Tips" tag instead of following my blog.

Tumblr doesn't let me indent bullet points so this is structured a little confusingly. Feel free to ask any questions (just be open to the fact that it's possible I might not know the answer.)

PLEASE NOTE: there's a lot of Fancy Tedious Medical Names in these posts, but you don't need to actually remember them or tell the difference between them all. I only use the names so that it's easier to know what I'm referring to. So I might refer to areolar connective tissue or whatever, but the name of it isn't actually important, the important part is where it is and what it does. If you're confused about anything, let me know!

OK, lets go.

First off, let's talk some of the basics.

Body Cavities

The wording for the body cavities are incredibly confusing. The ventral body cavity, for example is made up of 2 cavities - the abdominopelvic cavity and the thoracic cavity. Then the thoracic cavity is made up of 4 cavities and the abdominopelvic cavity is made up of 2 cavities. I'm not joking. They're not called sub-cavities or anything like that, they're all just cavities. I hate it here. So I'm gonna give you a picture of what the cavities look like.

Here, you can see the ventral body cavity (pretty much your entire torso) and the dorsal body cavity. The dorsal body cavity is pretty simple, with little fancy names. The cranial cavity has the brain, and the vertebral cavity has the spinal chord. Then there's the ventral cavity.

The superior mediastinum (orange) contains the thymus (which is primarily responsible for the production and maturation of immune cells), the trachea/windpipe, the esophagus, some very large and important arteries (the aortic arch and the carotid; the act of slitting one's throat involves cutting through the carotid arteries), and the thoracic duct (responsible for lymph drainage for almost the entire body)

The pericardial cavity contains the heart and it's main attachments. Lots of important stuff.

The pleural cavities contain the lungs.

The abdominal cavity contains the liver, kidneys, ureturs (the kidney tubes that attach to the bladder), gallbladder, spleen, stomach, duodenum (the part of the small intestine that attaches directly to the stomach), the large and small intestines, most of the colon, the appendix, pancreas, and some adrenal glands.

the pelvic cavity contains the bladder, rectum, part of the colon, and the reproductive organs.

All of those ventral cavities have a lining called serosae (or serosa if singular). Serosae are kind of like fluid-filled sacs that the organs sit in to protect them and to allow them to move around a little bit. Serosae is also made of epithelial tissue, which heals very well. So if the abdomen is cut deep enough to cause the intestines to spill out, but the intestines themselves are undamaged, recovery is 1000% possible. The biggest problem would be the damage to the dermis, which we'll be getting into in a bit.

The abdominopelvic cavity is sometimes separated into quadrants to better understand direction. I find that these quadrants are helpful for knowing where the organs are.

Ignore the "planes". The directions might be a bit confusing because in anatomy, you're always supposed to use the patient's right and left, not your right and left.

Next up, we'll be getting into tissue.

[fantasy-anatomy-analyst]

How would you apply a wasp/bee abdomen (The section at the end) on to a person/humanoid?

well, let's first work out what functions would be moved to this new abdomen. Insects keep the majority of their internal organs down there. So from an internal point of view, that's the insect equivalent of your lower torso. Their thorax is like your upper torso and throat.

Now, why would a humanoid need to split their torso in two in order to hold their guts? Maybe they have longer intestines, maybe it's just to add the extra organs needed for a venomous stinger.

here's a look at some internal bee anatomy for reference.

(image description: a simplified diagram of a bee's internal anatomy. The head contains a small central brain and the mouthparts. The thorax contains a major blood vessel and the esophagus, as well as a major part of the nervous system. The abdomen contains the heart, digestive system, stinger, and the continuation of the nervous system. end description.)

As you can see, it's more than just a matter of making the bee butt look like it belongs on a humanoid figure. Assuming you want this new people design to remain mostly humanoid and not be just an anthro bee/wasp, I think you'll need some reasoning for what purpose the bee butt serves aside from having a stinger.

That said, we can still look at how this works from an external view, so here are a few different ideas on how to make it look right. First, just a visual comparison of my own bee pixies and a human.

(image description: a sketched comparison of a wasp-like insect and a human. There are labels pointing to the insect's thorax and abdomen as well as the human torso. end description.)

not all that similar, so it's harder to combine the anatomy. As opposed to combining two species in the same broad category, like vertebrates or more specifically just mammals. So here are three design ideas, from most mammalian to most insectoid.

(image description: three very simple sketches of bipedal humanoids with large protruding tails/abdomen parts. On the left, the most mammalian design is simply a human with a very round fat-storing tail, akin to a gecko. in the middle, a humanoid with a much shorter torso and longer legs, and a sort of body sac extending from their pelvis to contain the internal organs. on the right, an anthropomorphized insect, with thicker rear legs and finger-like parts on the end of their forelegs. Overlayed on the images, red lines show the altered bone structure for the first two designs, with blue squiggles showing internal organ placement on all three. The first two designs also have some yellow lines to show body fat placement. end description)

looks real funky! the first one with the fat tail is for if you only want the visual shape on a human body, the last one is for if you want a more human-like insect design, and the middle is a highly speculative look at a humanoid that decided to evolve an extra body sac for their internal organs, for whatever unique environmental pressures may have caused that. hope this is helpful! I sure had fun trying to figure it out haha.

The extra gut sac might need more reinforcement for safety, like tougher skin or perhaps weirdly adapted bones. otherwise you've just got a squishy flesh shield around some very important guts, and that's usually not the most effective protection.

[missguomeiyun]

dinner @ CQ Noodle & Bubble

CQ Noodle & Bubble (where CQ is short for "Chong Qing") - a Chinese noodle place on 104th Street. I had thought it took the location of another noodle place but no, I was wrong. The one I was thinking of still exists haha

Clara & I came here for our Christmas dinner last month. We came on a Tues late afternoon around 4:30. Once you open the door & walk in, you'll breath in a mix of Sichuan spice & sweet bubble(/bubbletea powder?) aroma. It's quite the mix of fragrances!

So the reason why we came was bcos. .. I suggested it. TBH, I'm not big on the whole Sichuan spice/mala flavour. I wanted to come & try the cocunut mango slush. I can't remember where/how I discovered that this place has this item. .. but it's not a common item on menus here. I don't think the English name gives an accurate description of this drink but tranditionally, this dessert-drink contains mango, pomelo (some places replace it with grapefruit), sago (the small white kind; NOT the large black sago pearls in bbt), coconut milk & milk/cream.

Their main menu (photo I took in-store).

I say the main menu bcos this was the double-sided laminated sheet (with the drinks) but they also this page-protector bundle(?) that had other menu items as well. I didn't take pictures of that unfortunately. But it had basically colour-photocopied pages of some appitizers, like marinated cucumbers, braised egg, wings, along with some seasonal items, I would say. Clara has been here before & she said she did not see this 'other' menu last time she came.

Interior. I didn't get a full-view shot bcos there were other customers during our time there. My attention was drawn to the chopstick holder & the fact that each table has a bottle of vinegar! In case you're wondering what's so special about the chopstick holder. .. they actually used a Knorr chicken essence powder container lol Google that if you don't know what that is!

My sad drink. . . . . .

It came & I as like . .. is this the right one??? It is so pale in colour & there's no sago pieces; no visible mango. .. I guess they did say slush so maybe it's all like blended??? But that name, then, would be completely not applicable.

I don't usually inquire about items at a restaurant after it arrives art the table but I ended up asking about it. I was like where is the grapefruit/pomelo topping??? The staff said they ran out & asked if I wanted other toppings as well, in which I refused. I left the drink untouched/unpoked on the side as Clara & I waited for our mains. When the staff came by to bring our food, she offered to have the drink be taken off the bill if I didn't like it. & I said, it's okay (bcos. .. I'm just not that kind of person). -.-"

BUT I must say, it turned out to be "useful" bcos. ..

Our noodles were large-portioned & NUMBLING-LY SPICY!

Clara's intestine (mild spicy) noodles & my braised beef (medium spicy) noodles.

One sniff & your sinus will be cleared lol

I'm quite good at spicy foods but this was just . .. kinda painful. I'm not good with Sichuan spice but thought mild might be too mild so I went for the safe "medium" but then . .. few bites in, I was regretting it a little xD therefore, it was actually a good thing I kept the slush bcos I needed it! I honestly couldn't tell if it was actually watered down or if it was quite sweet bcos truthfully speaking, my mouth was all numb & tingly. Anything cold just felt cold, you know, & offered temporary relief.

That being said, noodles were great. Beef was great! Their meat had a nice balance of lean & fatty parts. & for these reasons, I finished it despite being uncomfortable lol

We also got a side of chicken & mushroom wontons in soup to share. It's not really a side but a main menu item but when it's shared by 2, it's a good portion as a side. I didn't like this very much. I have high standards for wontons bcos our homemade ones are really good (store bought wrapper with my mom's filling). I think I just grew up eating my mom's so anything diff, even if it's the same ingredients, it's just not the same. I found the filling quite stiff & there wasn't much mushrooms in it (ie: felt like a ball of dry meat). OR maybe northern Chinese wontons are like this! I'm not sure! The broth was also not flavourful; just very strong in sesame oil. Sesame oil doesn't have much of a savoury flvaour, it's a condiment, really. So the soup was quite bland =(

Would I come again?... I don't know.

I'm usually quite decisive but the reason I don't know is bcos I have other menu items that I'm intersted in but I really didn't enjoy this meal as a whole. So a visit #2 is =/ would it also be disappointing? Or would it blow my mind?? I wanna try the hot pot beef noodles & the Yunnan coffee bcos. .. it's coffee! Like is the bean from Yunnan? Is it powdered instant coffee that's labeled "Yunnan coffee"? lol they don't have a particular brewing method so. .. I am interested in what kind of Yunnan coffee they serve.

What do you think? Revisit? or no?

I mean, it's probably worth another try & if it's disappointing again, I'll stop lol

[ophidian-petals]

I Am An Ostomate...

For those of you that aren't familiar with this term, you might recognize it if you know what a colostomy bag is which is similar to what I have which is an illeostomy.

Early last year I had rushed colon surgery which left me with an ileostomy. A colostomy is for the large intestine and an ileostomy is for the small intestine. I have an ileostomy because they removed most of my large intestine.

I was told that the ostomy (general term ileostomy, colostomy etc.) was temporary, but due to complications I am going into a year of having it. The complications of having an ostomy can be rather stressful at times not to mention expensive!

I have a great wound care nurse that actually fought to get me the supplies I needed. Now, to understand this, my insurance does cover what I need, but only so much per month. When leaking issues are rampant and your quickly exhaust what supplies you have long before your next shipment... things can get expensive. Thankfully I had tax money to help then I was able to go back to work which also helped.

I was given a basic overview of ostomies while in the husband, but as time went on I realized, too late, that there was a lot more to know. I won't go into detail, but I feel like a person that has an ostomy for the first time needs to be given much more an education! Almost a year in and I realized that what I thought was a weird should strap for a travel kit was in fact an ostomy belt. I knew about ostomy belts from early on, but when looking them up they looked completely different.

Growing up my grandmother had a colostomy bag which minorly prepared me for having an ileostomy which I don't think is much different from having a colostomy. I knew about burping your bag which is a lot more convenient with the Hollister snap on kind. Originally I would hold the bottom of the bag upwards to then open it and press the gas out of the bag or if I have to I will open the bottom over a toilet and press the gas out that way. With the Hollister strapon kind all I have to do is unsnap a small portion of it and if need be press the gas out, but it usually comes out pretty well.

Not until here in the last few months have I really had an issue with skin irritation or rather erosion as what I assumed was stomach acid present in the stool would eat away at the skin around the stoma (I feel like I'll have to do another post specifically about these terms etc, but the stoma is the part of the intestine thats exposed... basically it refers to your new butthole). This can be very unpleasant, but I was given some miconazole powder (antifungal) to use any redness. In other words, use it before it gets bad. It does work.

Shortly before Thanksgiving I was admitted into the hospital due to a severe case of skin irritation possibly an infection. The doctor and nurse both said they don't if it was due to an infection or just irritation, but they put me on antibiotics anyways and it did eventually heal up. I was having issues with the wafer sticking and I was going through supplies like crazy. It was like it was right after my second surgery when I was having to change my otomy up to five times a day! Needless to say that is not supposed to be the case! I didn't want to waste anymore supplies and it was over the weekend so wound care wasn't open and my surgeon's office wasn't available. I did what I thought was the best possible thing to do with what I had on hand... tape a grocery bag to my stomach. I am a bigger person so I could tuck half of the bag under my stomach and tape the upper half to me. Just over the course of three days, most of my stomach on that side become red and weepy. The weepiness is what was causing the wafer from sticking and it just got worse... I was finally able to get to the wound care on tuesday which she urged me to go the hospital that same day which I did. They kept me over night and released me the day before thanksgiving.

There were only two things that seemed to help with the weeping issue. The wound care nurse either used a skin protective barrier which kind of reminds me duoderm or this purple stuff (Marathon brand, its cyanoacrylate, a medical adhesive) which worked wonders, but is super expensive! Later on, I learned about crusting. Technically I learned it from the wound care nurse, but I thought crusting was dependent on the purple stuff. Crusting is where we take Brava powder and sprinkle it on to the affected area. Then we take protective barrier wipes and dab the area after brushing the excess powder off. Do this two to three times and a crust will begin to form. The powder will only stick to the areas it needs to stick to and dabbing rather than wiping ensures that the powder doesn't get wiped off but coated with the barrier liquid.

Having an ostomy is no fun, but it is manageable and even more so if you actually pay attention to what should be avoided. Early on I was told to avoid certain foods such as fruits with the peel on, mushrooms, seeds etc. That these things could cause a blockage which I assumed was in reference to intestinal blockages, but after learning about pancaking, I believe that might be the reason for it. You will notice that certain foods don't get fully digested and might seem to move right through you like it wasn't even touched! Chew all you want, but sometimes food slips by. The thicker the stool, the more it might build up at the stoma site causing it to eventually push through the barrier and come out from underneath the wafer... yeah, always a pleasant experience! The problem was that this would happen with liquids too. I've learned alot since getting my ostomy back in February of last year, but I feel like there is still things to learn and improvements to be made. For example, they really need to explain pancaking and why avoiding certain foods is necessary! For the longest time I didn't know that this little pack of deodorant they gave me was actually a lubricant to help things move down into the pouch. Early on I knew that there was deodorant items I could use if need be, but nothing about it being lubricant. I can't get this through my insurance while getting other things, but using a small amount of olive oil seems to help when leaking doesn't occur. I had so much leaking issues that I would leave an ostomy on for as long as possible reaching into a two week period! I, personally, don't think I have ever had to change an ostomy because it had been 3-7 days. Its always been because I had to change it due to leakage. I would even put large sheets of tape that I had leftover from wound care (the surgery incision) on to the areas surrounding the wafer to help contain any leaks and it helped! I ran out of the tape though and started using other medical tapes. I even thought about getting some adhesive like skin-tac or mastisol to try and re-seal the areas of the wafer that came lose either on their own or due to leakage. I've had times where the wafer won't even stick!

Going back to the grocery bag incident, which I am now going through the same thing again, but this time it was due to constant leaking. Not just Hollister, but Coloplast as well. The thing is that the ileal fluid (basically intestinal juices from the small intestine) cause skin irritation, because there was nothing there preventing it from getting on my skin, I tried several different things. I didn't think to tape it up, but first off I tried applying hand lotion. Why? It has oil in it and oil and water don't mix so I figured it would create an oil slick... I don't think it worked in the long run. To help dry up the area, I tried crusting, but it wouldn't dry for some reason and the liquid would just wash the powder away anyways. I'm trying to add miconazole powder this time to help kick any fungal infection in its butt. I read on a forum that some liquid antacid that is no longer being made could be used... I don't remember the name now, but it was like mylanta. I didn't some research and saw that this particular type had two ingredients that the others didn't have both of. There was also an inactive ingredient that the other didn't have. This form made it sound like it would dry up on the skin and the generic stuff I got did, but not on the weeping skin. I was looking for something to create a barrier, to dry the area up, but what went over my head was that it was an antacid and was primarily used to soothe the pain due to ileal fluid being acidic. Mylanta etc. neutralizes acids. Another source said to use hydrocortisone cream (ointments are more oily) and let it sit there undisturbed for about ten minutes. In that time it would dry up, but like the mylanta stuff would. Didn't work. There was also hydroclloidal sheets that I didn't try. No reason other than money.

Before wrapping this all up I want to state that I got a lot of help including many supplies from my wound care nurse (all of them were great at the clinic!) and multiple free samples and help from an individual at a local pharmacy. Yes, free samples! Now, I can't promise and will not promise that your pharmacy would do the same, but I think they just took an understanding to me. Given I've been through a lot and my age might have had a role to play. People usually notice the seemingly shocking fact that someone so young had colon surgery and has an ostomy. My next post op appointment is next month, but I'm going to see if my surgeon will do the surgery sooner than later despite the risks...

Have a good day and a blessed New Year!

[foxymoxynoona]

oh no is everything okay? i have noticed you haven’t been around on tumblr lately but i didn’t want to come across as nosy

I'm actually an oversharer about most things LOL so it's not nosy to me, I'm endeared you noticed my behavior as different at all! I don't want to be mysterious or cryptic because I will be ok eventually. I will make it through all of this. But not everything that's going on will turn out ok and sometimes I think that's important to recognize too. So I'll give some more detail for those who are wondering beneath the cut.

TW: medical stuff, parent cancer, surgeries, pet loss.

My health is kind of wreck right now. It turns out I have a rather large lesion (medical jargon for "thing") in my small intestines, so I most likely have surgery ahead, possibly major, BUT we think this is finally what's been causing my debilitating anemia (because it turns out it wasn't the big benign ovarian tumor I had removed, which is crazy). At this point all the tests are looking like it's not malignant or invasive (ie, cancer) YAY, but the doctors are confused about what it is, which is never a good feeling lol so we're waiting on a second opinion from an expert who's on vacation right now and damn, waiting on test results SUCKS. Some of the medical tests have been really hard and stressful. One of the testing procedures caused a painful problem I had to have minor surgery to fix last week which has been a tougher recovery than I had anticipated. Even before that, I've just been in a lot of pain that's hard to live around.

And we just learned my husband has a vestibular schwannoma (a benign tumor on his hearing nerve) and it has some serious life-changing risks no matter what we do. And my dad with a brain tumor has taken a bad turn because his tumor became resistant to the chemo (I'm not sure I've ever mentioned this here...) and I live so far away from my parents. We're hoping a new chemo will make a difference and he's pushed through before but prognosis is always guarded. You can know something is inevitable and never be ready for it.

And like I mentioned, a lot bad pain and uncertainty and constant medical appointments and through all this I have a stressful job and busy kids (one with a birthday party this week!) with their own needs and I really miss my dog who passed away unexpectedly in November because he was my snugglebug when I was sick, and plus my immune system is shot right now with the stress, so I am getting hit with every stupid illness, so eating and sleeping have been hard which you know always makes dealing with things harder. I just got WRECKED by this cold for days that barely touched anyone else in my family and I'm better today but my poor nose 🤡. oh also my husband got laid off 6 weeks ago but he has managed to find a new job to start next month so we can check that one off the stress list and it's actually a great move for him! 😵‍💫 but yeah, that was stressful too!

This isn't even everything but it's the most pressing things 😮‍💨, they just keep piling up. It's just been a lot. Usually tumblr and BTS and my writing and this community are my little safe haven but the pain and stress have left me so hollow that I've just been sort of emotionally shut off from a lot of my usual joys. Writing is like breathing to me and it's scary when it stops.

But I will be ok. I will adapt to whatever medical stuff is coming up even if it's scary, and my husband will adapt to whatever happens with his medical stuff even if it's hard, and I will push through all of the things, and I will even survive the inevitable loss of my dad, which isn't ok but is what it is. I felt a little better today for the first time in a long time, my cold is improving and it wasn't a bad pain day and I even wrote a few paragraphs. Sometimes these small victory days are the best we can manage.

Anyway, sorry this was crazy long if you didn't want all the details. But thanks for asking about me, it's really sweet 🥰

ETA: Since writing this Tuesday night, our childcare just gave her 2-week notice 😭

[arctic-hands]

A few people have asked me about my SillyPunk vest that I put that patch on yesterday. I don't have any recent photos of me wearing it because my apartment hasn't had hot water for like three weeks and sponge bathing with cold water has left my hair a wreck, but here's the front as it is on the back of my computer chair. The whole vest can be seen here in the post where I bought it (image also captioned)

[Image Description: a tan suede (unsure of real or faux) vest with goldish flowery embroidery holding it together. The buttons are likewise goldish embroidery, as well as the button holes. There is netting as the bottom in the same goldish thred. The vest is covered in buttons and pins. There is some unintentional lens flare coming up the top of the vest, from a TV in the background. End I.D.]

[Image Description: on the right shoulder is a small enamel pin of the Progress Pride flag (horizontal stripes of red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, with a right-pointing triangle composing of black and brown stripes, followed by stripes of the trans pride flag (blue, pink, and white). The pin is facing triangle-down, as if a military rank. End I.D.]

A lil Chevron to show my allegiance

[Image Description: on the right breast of the vest, a pin button that has the trans flag on it, with the words "trans men are men" on it, with the smaller words "Baltimore Transgender Alliance" up top. Beneath that pin and to the right is a tarnished-looking metal brooch of the Sock an Buskin (the Greek theater comedy/drama masks, one mask laughing manically and the other one weeping). End I.D.]

The trans closet was out of "Trans Women Are Women" pins when I was there last. I'll get one eventually. Also, a lil bipolar rep.

[Image Description: slightly lower, a pin made of a black, circular sticker that says "End Covid I Got Vaccinated" with the outline of a needle and syringe and a checkmark. Thee sticker is coated in something glossy, and is affixed by a safety pin. Also affixed by a safety pin to the left is a weird, flat key with no teeth. End I.D.]

That's the sticker Maryland gave out with the first round of vaccinations. I wanted to keep it for posterity, so I stuck it to some cardstock, sealed it all with Mod Podge, went over the image part with some Mod Podge Dimensional Magic, and then stuck a safety pin on with some strong duct tape. The key is something I found on the top of my door frame in my old place. I just noticed something shiny on the corner of the door frame, reached up, and found it. Neither tumblr nor reddit could figure out what it was a key to. Mine now.

[Image Description: further down, an enamel pin in the shape of a painter's palette, with paintbrushes in the hole. The palette says "study art" and in a box beneath it it says "for fun or fame". End I.D.]

A pin by John Waters that I got from the Baltimore Museum of Art last time I was there.

[Image Description: above the right abdomen, roughly where it would rest over the ileum, is a gold-colored brooch of the small and large intestines. The small intestine is studded with tiny faux diamonds. End I.D.]

I saw this pin online like two years ago and new I MUST have it for Crohn's-punk reasons, and then a few months ago I found it on walmarts site when I had a giftcard to blow.

[Image Description: at the bottom, a lil metal octopus affixed by a safety pin through the loop made by one of the tentacles. End I.D.]

A lil gift from a friend 🥰

[Image Description: beneath the last two pins, showing off the bottom of the vest. In addition to the netting at the bottom, there is also a panel cut out of the lower side of the vest an filled in with that netting. Dangling from the edge of of the netting like a punk pocket chain is a string of small black rocks, affixed at both ends by safety pins. End I.D.]

Found strings of volcanic rocks on the site Unclaimed Baggage (where they sell lost luggage that hasn't been claimed after a long period of time). No idea where it was sourced from, hope it's not Hawai'i, don't need that kind of karma.

We can only do ten images a post right? I'm gonna run out soon so I'll immediately reblog with the left side.

[smiledotdeer]

“lethal protection” //Tosses around Ang like a ragdoll

Send “lethal protection” to have my muse kill someone in order to protect your muse. Send “the dead can’t hurt you” for your muse to kill someone in order to protect my muse.

CONTENT WARNING: rape, gore, torture...I think that’s it? Don’t read on if these things bug you!

[ It’s not the sound of rhythmic squelching that draws Alastor’s attention first. He knows what it is; as of late, he’s heard it often enough from his constant “sessions” with his partners, thanks to his rut making him have an itch that can never seem to be scratched away entirely.

What does get his attention is the sound of what he discerns as frustrated crying.

So, the Radio Demon heads down a dark alley...and loses it almost immediately.

The familiarity of the crying he’d heard is revealed to be Angel Dust...and the reason for the crying is a sinner that’s somehow managed to restrain all six arms and push him face first into the grimy brick wall so he can take full advantage of the porn star, hips slapping hard and fast against the spider’s backside.

Could it be an act? Sure...but the way Angel sounds (and now looks), as if he wants not release in a sexual sense, but a literal one, suggests otherwise to Alastor.

If it is...well, he can apologize later.

He’s fast, powerwalking towards his target with long strides. Each step has him morphing: taller, thinner, sharper...and far more terrifying than he tends to be otherwise. Black ichor drips freely from between his bottom teeth as spindly hands wrap their fingers around the offender’s neck and tug him away so he can pin him against the back of the alley. Static, screeching and warping, surrounds the air around them both, both audibly and visually, distorting their environment as he glares down at the pest he’s towering and hunching over with two tiny, brightly glowing red pinprick eyes settled in two uncannily wide black voids. When he speaks, several voices join him, and all are pitched just right in order to make this man’s blood run even colder. ]

“I can’t kill you for good...but I can make you WISH I could.”

[ He hadn’t even meant to rhyme. He can laugh about it later.

Right now, he’s going to get busy, the hand on this man’s neck tightening and piercing his flesh with those sharp claws while the other takes its time digging into his ribcage and tugging out his organs one by one. They’re tossed into small portals that open up every time he finishes getting them out. Who knows where he’s sending them. Once his torso is hollowed out and all that’s left are his literal guts, Alastor takes that as well, tying the large intestine around the man’s neck before slinging the duodenum and part of the jejunum over a nearby burnt-out wall lamp to hoist him up and hang him in place.

The benefit of most demons being incredibly skinny is that this is entirely possible without him risking snapping his own noose.

Covered in blood from head to toe and quickly shrinking back to normal, Alastor stands back to admire his handiwork, his grin nearly splitting his face. He’s proud of himself for this one. So much, in fact, that he nearly forgot why he did this to begin with. That has him glancing to the side, where Angel is still standing...either in awe or disgust. He isn’t sure which yet. ]

“Well! There you go, my dear! I’m famished! Care to accompany me to dinner?”

[ Really, Alastor? You hang a man with his own guts and then casually ask Angel to share a meal with you? ...alright then! ]