#all kinds of family

[trekkiepirate]

Neopets over here making me cry with yesterday's (Dec 10th) Advent Calendar comic. Gay parents, nb parent, the little kid using Sign language, raised by grandparents, and then you get the daily gift and it's a book called All Kinds of Family

[nyanrial]

making little snowmen ⛄⛄

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[lucabyte]

monologue

[dovewingkinnie]

she had a family that loved her

[vaguely-concerned]

the strength it must have taken for illario to not immediately go full 'lmao since when have you even had a kiss hello lucanis' sibling violence mode during the café talk. inspirational. rook and lucanis really were doing all that right in front of his salad huh

[slfcare]

2024 is about letting people care about and for you. it’s about answering ‘how are you’ with honesty, asking for space when needed, accepting help and being open to advice, listening to concerns and having difficult conversations. it’s about trying your very best to let go of the feeling that you’re completely alone, and finding ways to prove to yourself that you aren’t.

[afterartist]

IVE DONE IT!! (not exactly sure what it is in this situation but it sure is done)

Rumble n Frenzy would bully screamer any chance they get

Soundwave on the other hand needs payed vacation because that man has to put up with so much crap

[mirrorcatcreditcard]

Your honor, they were watering down my favorite character and not letting them be a jerk.

[cyanide-sippy-cup]

The idea that Duke is the super well-behaved and rule-following kid is really funny to me cause like, have you read Robin War? His bit in that book opens with him being arrested for wearing red shoes (long story, just know he was also wearing a red hoodie that apparently wasn't a problem) and he explains step by step to the cop exactly how he plans on escaping before executing that escape perfectly by jumping off a bridge. He fought an armored Jim Gordon, the Court of Owls, and Damian who had been manipulated into joining the Court. Duke managed to talk Damian down while getting his ass kicked and then kinda befriended the kid after. He also has defied Batman several times and was proven to be right. All with a healthy dose of sass.

But also I do like lil rule-following sweetheart Duke so I have a proposal. Duke Thomas who follows the rules he agrees with. Most of the time, he's the sweet little angel in the manor. He's polite, he's well-mannered, he's kind, and he does what he's told. However that's only because everything aligns with what he believes to be the right path. The moment Bruce makes a bad call or order, Duke takes it to 11 and becomes more impossible to order around than Jason. Chaotic Good Duke.

[rotzaprachim]

A list of household things which MANY ethnicities seem to think are specific to their culture:

a) a plastic bag stuffed full of other plastic bags

b) cultural/religious knickknacks which your grandparents will scream at you for touching

c) a set of items that are specifically for Company (often the relatives your parents feel the need to impress and/or secretly despise)

d) a very loud woman

e) a butter cookie tin full of sewing supplies

f) mass Tupperware collections and/or ice cream and yogurt containers filled with surprise cold vegetables in the fridge

g) relatives overly involved in the physical appearances, profesional, and reproductive lives of the young women in the family

h) arguing

anyway I think the really interesting cultural identifier is what b) and c) are, because those are a little more specific even if the impulses behind them are not

[try-set-me-on-fire]

You’re laughing? They lived the plot of Lorde’s Supercut and you’re laughing?

[artsymeeshee]

Second-guessing

[sunshinepixels]

Move in day 🚚🏠📦

ft. another florida house from yours truly

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 226

"Mother. Mother. Mom. Mum. Mother. Mom-"

Danny sighed as Dan did his best to annoy him, no doubt revenge for the child leash. Which wouldn't have been needed if not for his continued attempts to go off on his own.

As a five year old.

Which wasn't going to happen, no thanks. They had to deal with people trying to kidnap them as "elf people" or something in this dimension already. Ancients, can't people let him travel with his kids for vacation in peace?!

[cozymochi]

I had a bad day, so I compiled the few NRC boys I have. Also corrections were made on all three both visually (because I made too many errors before that I missed🤦) and info wise because I made minor changes (so if there’s contradictions, that’s why.) I should have updated Emilio’s render altogether because it’s pretty old compared to the latter two, but I don’t feel like it.

But, I’ll link Emilio, Cecil, and Nyoka’s original posts anyway, since they include a bunch of expressions I still like and convey the vibes™️ better. That, and for my own self-reference. Okay, I will no longer spam or clog up the dash with these things. Also credit to @oddberryshortcake cuz the boys are also semi collaborative 🤭 uhh, that’s it.

Ko-fi