#all i need to do is give myself a little hug and control the noises of my brain and then i’ll be all good and that is somewhat achievable

[autism-disco]

i’ve said this before but i can’t find the post so. call me will wood the way everything is a lot

[ladyxskywalker]

lost without you, i & ii

Anakin Skywalker x F!Reader/OFC

a momentary separation between you & anakin happens while you are not feeling well. however, despite the circumstances, your hearts have only grown fonder of one another each time you speak on the phone. 💙

I wrote this a while ago & was kindly asked to repost it here on tumblr. also available to read on ao3. based on a real life situation. 🌼

i.

It's been weeks since you've been together. Something awful and truly beyond your control, forcing your current separation. A horrible flu making the rounds in your home world, where you - after attending a wedding, unfortunately, had come down with it as well.

"I confess, my love, I haven't been doing well without you." Anakin confides quietly in you, taking advantage of whispering in hushed tones over the phone.

"Anakin..."

"I know you're still recovering, but I can't help it, I'm selfish for you. I want you here...right now."

A softened sigh of your breath leaves your chest with a slight struggle, a cough escaping there, and a tear drop too.

"I will be back soon, I promise. Being without my other half has truly been unbearable."

"I just...I just want to hold you."

"You will again, soon enough. I promise."

But what you really meant to say, through the emotional heartbreak you've been facing is - yes, I know things have been difficult, I just hadn't realized that you'd been going through this just as much as I was.

"Will I, though?"

It hurts the most when his own mind leads him away from reality and the truth. Right away thinking or feeling like he'll never see you again. But the thoughts are only just intrusive ones, they have no real bearing on what lies in your heart.

"Yes."

Your head starts to feel too heavy, and your pillow is much too nice for you to even attempt getting up right now.

Sleep was inevitable. You hadn't been able to rest in days. Too nervous with worry to let your eyes close.

Too sad and unable to sleep without him all alone.

"This war...sometimes feels as though I am completely by myself, even though I know I'm not. I sense everything so strongly, it's harder than I thought."

"You need human contact. I understand that more than you know."

"Yes. I want it from you."

All while laying down, your cheeks have felt your eyes as they've already gone ahead into weeping. Another sort of instinct, telling you to finally let it all out.

"Tell me...what you miss...what you hope for most when eventually I do return."

Anakin pauses on his side of things, taking a breath before surrendering to his own heart.

"I just...I just want to be close to you."

"I want that too."

"I want to hug you for as long as I'm able to. Hold you in my arms while we sleep together in our room. Watch you smile at me from the door when you wake up. But..."

"But what, handsome?"

"The days...they're too long, too far."

After holding things in for so long, he begins to get a little bit choked up.

"I miss you, Anakin."

"I miss you too..."

So for now, all the two of you can do for one another is wait. A few more days for him to be home, and another stretch of time for you to start feeling better once more.

And then, there's a little static.

Background noise.

Another voice coming through over the phone.

"General Skywalker, there are enemy hostiles about. We should flank them on foot. Surround them."

"Good call, Commander. Lead the way, I won't be long."

You can almost picture his face in your mind then. A distance resonating in his eyes, veering off somewhere towards the setting suns, before looking back down.

Confident.

Brooding.

And, maybe even a little bit tired from it all.

"Go."

"I'll call you again tomorrow. And..."

"Hm?"

"I just want you to know, I'm not going anywhere."

Right then and there, even from across the airwaves, you sensed his light and the force of his love deep within your bones.

... 🌼

ii.

after being apart from one another for quite some time, anakin gives you a warm welcome home ❤️

this part is rated M or E for smut feel free to skip if this is not for you additional content tags: soft smut, couch time, sleepy morning intimacy, implied things happening, nothing crazy

It started with a long hug and a gentle hello. A smile for you, already gleaming with excitement as he greeted you by the door.

You were going to dinner that night. A fancy one he'd been planning for weeks for your birthday. Thoughtful gifts, wrapped with care, just needing to be opened. A release of kind breath, leaving the anxious state of your lungs then, because now - finally, all is well.

And you were home .

"Are you feeling better, sweetheart?"

"Mhmm."

He pulls you closer. Your hands, finding their way up to the back of his neck to feel his still wet hair from the shower.

Anakin hums, tracing the tip of his nose along your neck - leaning into it, enjoying the touch of your skin. The smell of your perfume that he loves so much.

"Do I look stupid?" He chuckles, all while holding you tighter to him.

"No. You're perfect."

"Good. Now go, open your gifts. You've waited long enough."

But for just a minute, you'd rather just take him all in there instead. To say how much you truly missed him while you were apart. That the greatest feeling in the world right now is knowing that Anakin is the best gift of all.

The night went by so fast. Laughing with each other first, then with friends...

Sneaking off somewhere for a while in a dark corner of the bar...

The softened shadows, encasing you both in their ease of surrounding comfort. And his hands, showing you the way toward his hips in front of everyone else, without a care in the world.

Your arms wrap around him easily.

His incredible blue eyes, focus on your lips.

Then your palms cup his face, completely letting go - falling on air immediately when he begins to kiss you hard.

"Want to get out of here?"

"Mm. Yes ."

"We don't need to be here anymore."

And so, you go.

"Come here."

He reaches for you to straddle him on the couch, insistent on his keys landing somewhere on the hard surface of his table below. Making a slightly abrupt noise that he knows someone else might have complained about...

But, he doesn't care where anything is supposed to go right now, and neither do you.

Not with the way you've been eyeing him sweetly from above...

Your shoes ending up someplace with his boots as they've already fallen over...

His belt buckle, already lost underneath his messy chair on the floor.

"I missed you. I thought...I thought you were never coming back. That, maybe you were gone for good."

Anakin caresses your face, brushing your cheek with care at the tips of all his fingers.

"You're my other half, I'd never leave you. Never..."

Anakin sighs, almost afraid to speak. Always brooding, so deep in thought.

"All those weeks...I couldn't bear it. I wasn't myself."

You kiss him slowly, slotting your lips together, chests pressing, getting even closer.

"I know."

Leaning down, you trace every line of his neck with kisses. Gripping the hems of his clothes. Shifting your hips against his, silently begging for him to help take them off.

But it's you that he wants first.

Completely vulnerable and bare on top of him.

Another hand, slipping between your thighs - teasing you with his strong and capable curling. Eliciting a budding sensation there that makes you moan.

The tip of his tongue, encircling the pebbled skin of your breasts, his eyes soothed to a close as he takes each one into his mouth.

"Yes... oh , please... please ."

Then, he grins, feeling that stray shiver he seems to know so well. Shifting you just the slightest for a second to take his pants off. Guiding your hand lower against his hardest part just to arrogantly show what you do to him.

"I want you. Right here ."

And as you lower yourself down upon him, it feels as though everything is made right again.

Affectionate sighs of impassioned relief, escaping there from you both...

Foreheads dipping into an almost blind surrender to the simplest form of selfish touch...

It took some time for you to drift off. The adrenaline and excitement of seeing and truly being with him again, almost feeling like too much.

He hums when he sleeps sometimes, sensing when occasionally your eyes tend to open - watching him. Closing them softly again when you know you've been caught.

You missed his bed. The smooth sheets. His warm pillows.

The broad span of his chest, and the cool feel of his arms.

Snuggling closely to him, you check the time. Looking across the room at towards the window, judging that by now it had already been morning. Your calming hint being the comforting light of the sun.

"Mm. I haven't slept at all..."

You whisper to yourself. Unable to fathom the last time you did something like this. Or that all of it had truly been real as well.

"There you are..."

Anakin slowly opens his eyes, allowing them to adjust.

"Morning, handsome."

Looking over, you see that all this time, the sheets have grown tighter. Sliding your hand beneath the warmth of your blankets to palm what lies beneath them. Though, before you know it, both he and you are no longer guarded by your covers.

"Where do you want me?"

You whisper, pressing each word against his waiting mouth.

His kiss, feeling like the only sort of sensual welcome you ever want to know.

Then, wordlessly, he takes you by the wrist, carefully and protectively, leading you back up and over where you belong.

Reaching around the hardened length of him, the pad of your thumb grazes over the smooth tip, before guiding it towards that sensitive spot. Letting go.

He kneads at your flesh, grasping at the skin of your thighs, rolling you forward, kissing you hard. His fingers, holding tightly to the back of your head. Freeing you only when you stretch, sitting back up. Your entire being, on passionate display for him there.

"I'm a lucky man..."

He smiles, all while mumbling a string of endless thoughts. Secrets from his mind that he's been keeping. Allusions to everything he loves about you, never spoken, always bottled up. Until this overwhelming moment.

Until, right now.

"You're a goddess... so beautiful..."

You can't help it when a single tear begins to fall, when you see his pure surrender to joy slipping with dampened eyelids of his own.

A rough hand then changing the scene...

Emotions running wild when a mere gentle moment turns into something else.

Your lips, pressed into momentary capture by the welcome feeling of his palm.

All you can do is watch him, as he's watching the joining spaces between you. The quickened pace that comes from the rolling of your hips. Your fingertips, toying with your own chest there...

And then he releases you. A moan escaping, then his shuddered breaths...

Another kiss...

Then one final glide.

Your blinding wave and loving fall, following his right after...

He's so warm, so safe like this. That when he eases you off of him, carefully making space for you to sleep next to him some more, you almost can't believe that you are really here with him now.

That you've almost spent four seasons of time with this amazing man.

That either one of you no longer had to fear the thought of being alone.

No universe exists where you would ever dream of being with someone else.

And you loved him.

... ❤️

thanks so much for reading 💌 xo A

[dalek-ix-writes-stuff]

Red Ruin - INTERVAL 01: INITIATION (Part VIII)

"No."

"Yang-!"

"No!" Yang hissed, "No way. You-" She glanced back at Blake and Weiss, who were pretending to be disinterested, and pulled Ruby further away from them. "You know what happens!" She whispered urgently, "Think of another plan. Literally anything else-."

There was a horrible cawing noise above them. Yang and Ruby (and, she guessed, Weiss and Blake) looked up, expecting the flying Grimm to crash through the branches.

The Nevermore did none of that. With hesitation, they all tore their eyes from the canopy.

"Yang, we don't have time to come up with another plan!" The exclamation from Ruby had been a harsh whisper, and she'd stepped up to her to get in her face, or about as much as she could. Yang opened her mouth to say something, but Ruby plowed on. "I'll be careful; Dr. Wade's been helping me with… With control, and I have medicine with me." She opened her cloak and Yang saw pale fingers holding the flap of one of her ammunition pouches open, revealing a small collection of screw-cap pill bottles, and a the glint of a metallic case.

She recognised the stuff. Ruby needed a small pharmacy's worth of medication to function, and Yang had administered them all at one point or the other. Absently, she touched the leather bag hanging from her belt, to confirm it was full.

"It's only gonna be a little," Ruby told her, snapping the pouch shut and letting her cloak cover her again, "A tiny little bit. As little as I can give. I'll… m-make an excuse. Go someplace out of the way." She hugged herself under her cloak. "So nobody is around when it happens."

"Yeah… I've seen you use a little before," Yang whispered back, "In Harlan's lab. You're planning on doing this in a forest full of Grimm, with people who don't know. What if something goes wrong? Or you have a flare-up?"

"I can… I can handle it," Ruby whispered, faltering for a moment before rallying, "I know what to take. Even the…" She squirmed. "The strong stuff. The last few times I went to Armacham, I… I asked the nurses to show me how. Practiced on some oranges. And I… I Also asked if I could start doing it myself. The dose for the return trip. For practice."

Yang stared at her sister. She remembered one day, when they'd taken too long to bring her Ruby out of the "Safe".

"… I thought you hated needles."

Ruby didn't meet her eyes.

"I do. I… I didn't think I'd be here with you, and… I wanted you and dad not to have to worry about me so much. I was gonna tell you before but…" She fidgeted in her cloak.

Yang sighed. She remembered that stunt, and everything that had come after. Lots of shouting. Lots of crying. There was a part of the garden that probably wouldn't grow anything ever again.

"I'm-."

"It's okay, Rubes," Yang interrupted, gently. She stroked her hair to calm herself. "I… It's just…"

There was a horrible caw from overhead.

"Girls!" Weiss called out, "Whatever we're going to do, we have to do it now!"

Yang ground her teeth.

"That fucking bird is starting to get on my nerves," she muttered, "Okay. I…" She swallowed, and grabbed Ruby's shoulder, squeezing it. "I want you to promise you won't do anything you don't know you can handle, okay Rubes?"

Ruby nodded. "I swear it."

Which was about as good as Yang was gonna get.

"Okay. I'm holding you to that!"

Ruby smiled. Yang ruffled her hair, making her little sister squeak, and turned towards the other two girls.

"Well, I vote for Ruby's plan," she said, in as light a tone as she could, "Who else is with me?"

"Me," Blake said at once. Weiss sighed, half relieved and half resigned.

"And me," the heiress added.

Yang made her way towards Blake, and Weiss towards her sister. When they crossed, Yang halted for a second, and put her hand on Weiss's shoulder.

"You're bringing her back," She told Weiss, "you hear me?"

Weiss's eyes briefly widened, but then she shot Yang a sharp look.

"You have nothing to worry about," she said.

"Yang!" Ruby called out, "Stop with the Dad speeches!"

Yang felt her cheeks flush, and she let go of Weiss. They exchanged partners, for the moment, without anything else happening.

"Okay," Ruby said, not looking at anyone in particular, "Okay. So. First, we need to set a few fires. Not the trees, just all this stuff here close to the ground; that should make a lot of smoke. Yang and Weiss, can you do that?"

Weiss had her rapier raised straight up, and she was cycling through the chambers. "Should be simple enough," she said, "but I have to warn you that I only carry so much Dust with me."

Yang shrugged. "I've got plenty of shells," she said, Ember Celica unfolding to full extent, "and Fire Dust is just about the only thing I pack in them. Anything you don't light on the first swing, just leave it to me." Weiss didn't say anything against that, so Yang decided that the heiress had no problems with her helping.

Ruby smiled. "Right! While you two do that, I'll… Uh…"

Ruby squirmed.

"… Go… Scout ahead?" She suggested, "Make sure there's no… Stuff."

Yang felt something on her face twitch. There was some wierd irony in someone who could effortlessly sniff out a lie being a horrible liar herself.

Weiss narrowed her eyes at Yang's sister. The other girl squirmed under her gaze.

"Ruby, just how stupid do you think I-!"

And then Ruby vanished in a cloud of rose petals, leaving in a red and black blur. The heiress slowly turned to look at Yang, her expression icy.

Yang pinched the bridge of her nose. "Ruby's… Not good with people," she told them, "she'll be back, just… Let's get some smoke going, okay?"

==========​

Ruby Rose slid to a halt. Weiss Schnee, she decided, was a scary person to have angry at you. The iceberg she usually was turned sharp and pointy and… Like Yang said, Ruby hated needles. She felt like they were pushing deeper and deeper into her flesh, even before they touched her. Growing thorns and branches that would cut and tear when pulled out-

She slapped her cheeks. Nope! Nu-huh! Not gonna go there! No sir!

She took a few deep breaths. In, hold, out. In, hold, out…

"Okay," she told herself, "okay. You're okay Ruby. You're… You're gonna do this." She breathed out. "You're gonna do this. Minimum safe release. Just like you practiced."

She touched the storage pouch on her belt, and popped it open. Then she took Crescent Rose from her place on the small of her back and unfolded her to full length. The spike of the shaft she put on the ground, and she held her sweetheart with both hands.

"H-here goes…"

She nudged. Gently.

There was a flicker of Red.

It caressed the grass around her feet. The blades turned yellow, then brown, and then they crumpled into ash in a slowly expanding circle around her feet.

Everything green began to die around her. Plants withered, leaves falling and turning to white ash above the ground. Branches turned dry and hard. A tree that was near groaned as the bottom half of it was caught, dead roots pushing up through the ground, looking like thorns. The ground cracked, dry and powdery.

She felt a burrow of… Of somethings scream and then fall into twitching silence.

Ruby breathed. Red flickered at the corner of her vision.

Voices whispered in her ear. They told her things she knew were lies.

She didn't listen.

She mustn't listen.

She couldn't listen.

If she did, she'd be lost.

She had to focus. Focus on what she had to do. Her hands gripped her sweetheart hard enough to hurt.

The Nevermore.

It deserved to die. It deserved to die.

The ring of wasteland around her inched bigger. The Red pulsed-

Ruby pressed her forehead against the shaft of Crescent Rose and breathed.

It was hard. Hard to hold on to reason, to the little light she'd discovered when she dipped into the well of Red deep, deep inside her.

The Red in her vision flickered, coming in and out of existence.

The tree collapsed, half of it dust before it hit the ground.

But the ring of wasteland around her didn't grow further.

She reached out. She felt Yang, Weiss and Blake. She felt Jaune and Pyrrha. Nora. Nearly missed Ren.

So many Grimm, with their naked, cruel pointless hatred. They all deserved to die.

And they would- no. No, no.

She felt Crescent Rose. That was her weapon. Her sweetheart. Not this. This blind and deaf thing that only left ashen wasteland and red ruin in its wake, not caring who or what it killed. Not this curse.

She breathed.

She looked up.

The Nevermore circled overhead. Impatient. Cruel. Sadistic. Ruby looked and saw the many helpless souls that had perished in its nest. Slowly. Oh-so-slowly.

It deserved to die.

But not yet. And not like this

She took a cup from the well of Red in her mind, and tossed it up.

She smiled when the Grimm screamed, and flew high and away.

[sawyer-is-not-my-name]

Leo Valdez x Son of Hecate

Fire danced on your fingertips, as you practiced summoning fire. You focused on where you wanted it to go, settling for shooting it up and holding it in the air, before extinguishing it.

You were practicing honing your magic, you knew you had to prove yourself to your mother, Hecate. And this was one of the ways you could do it. You focused on the magic that flowed out of you. The Greek incantations rolling off your tongue. You focused your energy on positive things, not letting any negative forces control your powers.

--------

Then you summoned a shield around yourself, focusing your energy on it, trying to make it expand giving you more room to move. The more energy you focused the better the shield was.

You were about to drop the shield before hearing a noise from the trees behind you. Your guard raised as you summoned fire in your hand, ready to fling the fireball at the next thing to cross your path.

That was until you saw your curly-headed boyfriend, Leo Valdez. "Oh gods, don't sneak up on me like that Leo" you dropped your shield, opting to still throw the ball of flames at him knowing it wouldn't hurt him.

He laughed lightly, patting out the little flames that erupted on his already scorched-filled shirt. "Y'know it's late, right? Everyone's gathered round the campfire, we can still make it back in time to join them!" You nodded, not really wanting to go. "It's alright, if you want to you can. I kind of just want to focus on practicing, my powers aren't as great during the day, they're more powerful right now." He looked interested in the statement, before asking you to elaborate.

"like Hecate, my powers are strongest at night, and weakest during the day. I can't practice fully during the day, without draining myself trying to be my best." Leo nodded, "y'know you don't have to be the best" you shook your head knowing it wasn't true. "I have to practice, all Hecate kids do. You ever wonder why some Hecate kids, took really bad turns? Magic has a way of twisting those who possess it." You knew you were good, but part of you couldn't shake the thought of what could happen.

He stood up hugging you, "you're not them." He kissed your cheek, before taking your hand and leading you somewhere else. "How about we put that magic of yours to good use? I need some help conjuring fire, I mean I could do it, but I wanna spend time with you and you need to practice, so you can help me" you smiled at the boy before agreeing. Allowing him to lead you to bunker 9.

Leo opened the door, walking in you following behind him. You sat next to him, conjuring flames when asked, which was surprisingly frequent. You spent 3 hours just conjuring flames when asked, once conjuring water when something caught fire, then wind to dry up the water, then another spell to fix said item that caught fire. All of the practicing tiring you out, causing you to fall asleep on Leo's shoulder. He didn't even realize until he asked you for fire and you didn't respond. He laughed lightly kissing your head, then turning back to his work, opting to summon fire himself.

He did that for another 15 minutes before he himself fell asleep right next to you.

---

A/n: currently working on a request atm :)

[newwwwusername]

Hello!!! I absolutely loved the fanfic you wrote.l for me. And I hope I commented that somewhere. If I didn’t do tell me and I will!

Anyway, if your not busy, I had another request idea for Toradeen?

I was actually inspired by your Tourette’s headcanon for them!

Basically, my idea is like. This is when before they were friends. And like. One of their loud arguments causes them to get detention or something.

the detention teacher or whatever steps out for a while to let them study or something. And Clawdeens trying to do her work but every so often she’ll hear like tapping or some noise from Toralei. She asks her to stop and it’s silent for a while. Then they slowly start up again. Clawdeen, who doesn’t know she has Tourette’s, thinks Toraleis mocking her or something. Or like trying to purposely be annoying.

she eventually snaps and yells at her to be quiet and Toraleis all like ‘I’ve got bloody Tourette’s!’ And Clawdeen just is like 😲.

anyway, yelling at her caused Toraleis tics to increase (cause as someone who personally gets tics from BPD/OCD anxiety can cause a lot of mine) and so her tics start to increase a lot. But she’s clearly struggling cause she’s embarrassed to tic really in front of Clawdeen. So it’s like this painful thing where she’s trying to repress them but they keep bleeding through and Clawdeen quickly has to give her a hug (cause some of her more harmful tics are coming out) and she like. Tells her to not hold them back and all?

Idk. Something like that. I don’t have Tourette’s myself so if any of that seems off do fix it to be more accurate. I just got my stims and tics from Adhd/BPD/OCD. So it’s not exactly the same!

Any way ! Have a great day!!!!: and thank you sm!!

Please do not repost on other platforms. This will be posted on AO3 and TTBC under the same username.

Great. Not only had Clawdeen and Toralei had to endure the embarrassment that naturally came after having a rough, public argument, but now they were stuck in detention together for causing a scene.

Once Bloodgood had told them the base guidelines for detention, she walked out, trusting them to not kill each other. For as annoyed as she was with both of them, she also knew they were both, at the end of the day, responsible enough to not need supervision the whole time.

Unsure of what else to do, Clawdeen pulled out a book she'd been reading and began trying to lose herself in that, hoping it would help her pass the time, but she soon found herself getting distracted by this clicking noise that Toralei kept making.

"Toralei, I get you're bored, but can you please try to be a bit more quiet?" Clawdeen asked. To her surprise, Toralei actually looked a bit sad, but silence followed, so she supposed it was worth asking.

Toralei felt like her entire body was on fire. She was used to suppressing tics, but it was always harder when everything was so quiet because then every little tic was noticeable, so she couldn't let anything out.

She felt a few bubbling up and felt the urge growing stronger and stronger and she just knew that she wouldn't be able to hold them in forever.

"Haha!" she ticced relatively loudly, followed by a string of clicks. Clawdeen looked up at her with a deeply annoyed expression and she just knew she was in for a ride now.

"Oh my god, Toralei, shut up!" Clawdeen snapped. "I don't know if you're trying to mock me or just purposely trying to get under my skin, but it's honestly really immature"

"Fuck off!" Toralei replied venomously. "I've got bloody Tourette's, okay? You don't gotta- Woo! Haha!- Yell at me"

Clawdeen went still, suddenly feeling horrible. The last thing she ever wanted to do was to snap at someone for something they couldn't even control. Hell, one of her best friends was Autistic. She really should've known better...

Toralei pulled out her phone to try to distract herself, but the stress from getting yelled at was making her tics worse. Worse, she was embarrassed, which had always been one of her worst triggers.

She tried to continue suppressing them, but they kept escaping her, driving her further into discomfort and embarrassment. Her campaign opponent was watching her tic and twitch without control and it was honestly the worst feeling in the world.

It wasn't long before this stress compounded in the form of a harmful tic, forcing Toralei to repeatedly punch herself in the collarbone well after she could feel it start to bruise.

Clawdeen just watched her struggle, feeling awful about making it worse. However, once she realized the girl was actually hurting herself, she sprung into action.

Clawdeen got out of her seat and walked behind Toralei, who would've asked what she was doing if she could focus on her surroundings. Suddenly, the werecat felt a pair of arms wrapping around her, and a hand specifically came over her collarbone to protect her from the repeated hits.

"What are- Haha!- What are you doing?"

"It looked like you were hurting yourself" Clawdeen replied simply. "I don't like you, but I still don't want you to get hurt, especially cause I'm pretty sure this is my fault" she sighed. "Look, I'm sorry for yelling at you, okay? I didn't know about this, I just thought you were trying to annoy me"

"Okay"

"You don't have to suppress this, at least not around me, okay? I know better now"

"You're sure?" Toralei asked, and Clawdeen was caught a bit off guard. The girl looked so embarrassed, it was weird. She always just seemed like a beacon of confidence.

"Yes, I'm sure"

A moment passed before a low grunt erupted from Toralei's throat. Neither girl said anything about it. Her collarbone tic was thankfully beginning to calm down, and Clawdeen let go of her once she was sure she wasn't at risk of hurting herself anymore.

She went back to her seat and continued reading her book, just tuning out the occasional grunt or click or random phrase, which Toralei couldn't be more relieved about.

Once Bloodgood returned, Clawdeen noticed the other girl immediately start suppressing again.

Huh, she thought, eyeing the other girl curiously. Wait, does she trust me?

[broadway-sollux]

weiird 2hiit happen2 iin dreambubble2.

miituna hangiing around ii2 one thiing but.

oof.

lyriic2 by me under the cut, cover art by gigglingGummybear

[Verse 1: Psiioniic]

Break these wires and chains, take me back to all my friends Stop this intravenous taint, little drips of Fushia sin Give me silent stars in space, peaceful nights that never end Just give me life, give me peace, give me noise

[Chorus: All] Someone gimme fucking zen Someone gimme fucking zen

[Verse 2: Mituna]

Gimme space, at least six feet Dug our grave, just as deep I got sex on my mind all the time, fuck Pwning n00bz on internetz, time suck I been feelin’ packed like a snack cake I could use a hug or to get baked I could use some drugs or a Band-Aid Trapped in this bubble, I’m feelin so out of control I wanna just go on a rampage Let me devour, gimme teeth Gimme powers, let me breathe Doin’ kickflips to destress Wish I wasn’t such a mess Gimme girls, gimme boys Gimme life, gimme peace, gimme noise

[Chorus: All]

Someone gimme fucking zen Someone gimme fucking zen Gimme fucking zen I need something to avoid all of my fears and paranoia Gimme, gimme, someone gimme fucking zen

[Verse 3: Sollux]

Yeah Fix this black and white Gimme hope for the afterlife, for a reason to look past tonight Gimme happiness, let us win the game Gimme visions that don’t just all end the same Gimme a future that I can look forward to Gimme programs that I can plug my brain into You can ignore me, but the next thing you know it’s true You can’t escape your doom Gimme a little bit of piece of your peace of mind Gimme a piece of yours, you'll get a piece of mine Gimme somethin' to do when we’re all playin through But when I get it, shit, I'll probably just fuck it up too Gimme two steps to the left (Ayy) Gimme two steps to the right (Ayy) Gimme one song with the volume at 10

[Chorus: All]

And someone, anyone gimme fucking zen Someone gimme fucking zen Gimme fucking zen I need something to avoid all of my fears and paranoia Gimme, gimme, someone gimme

[Bridge: All]

Give me hope for something better, give me justice for my cries Either we’re all in this together Or it’s better we all just die Gimme plugs, gimme Wi-Fi Gimme drugs, get me sky high Gimme headspace, set my head straight Cut the dead weight, let the golds break Gimme the good old days from all those sweeps ago Let me feel like myself again Gimme life, gimme peace, gimme noise

[Chorus: All]

Someone gimme fucking zen Someone gimme fucking zen Gimme fucking zen I need something to avoid all of my fears and paranoia Gimme, gimme, someone gimme fucking z—

[lolamarlowe65]

𝓘𝓷 𝓶𝔂 𝓯𝓮𝓮𝓵𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 //James Hetfield

“The house next door was just sold, i hope the new neighbour will be nice.”

part five of ? part four

disclaimers : smut, age gap (modern day james), slow burn shit, cursing, smoking, drugs (legal where she is), probably drinking, big girls shit baby dni

Wattpad link

࿓ 𓋪・𖧹 𖤐

Chapter 5 - The package

I woke up early this morning.

I was supposed to work but Pamela called me telling me she will not open the pharmacy today. Apparently, she got some personal problems. Well, it's cool, it gives me more time to take care of my grandmother.

When I see my half naked body under the blanket I remind myself about the sudden act of lust that came over me last night. I couldn't control it. I needed it. I was meant to do it. James has bewitched me in a way. I never had such sexual desire.

Opening my curtains, I remind myself about what I saw last night. His back, his tattoos, his arms. All of which led to this lewd moment of mine. It's so toxic of me to have watched him like that. A little more and I would have seen him completely exposed. I'm not like that. But I did it anyway. And I kind of regret not seeing more. Fuck.

Still, I want more. I want him. Completely. I don't know if i can leave this being a lingering thought in my mind. I shouldn't do anything about it. But I want to.

I get back to my mind and go to take a quick shower. I dress in some flare pants and a rolling stone shirt. When I got back to my room I heard some loud noises coming from outside. I hope my grandmother is not still sleeping, I would be mad if her sleep was disturbed. James or not.

I looked out the window. The workers were still here moving stuff in. I stayed at my window a little more hoping to see James. I notice the garage on the side of the house is open. I can't see clearly because it's a little bit far but there he is. I froze. He was in those usual beautiful black jeans. In a tight black motörhead shirt. The morning sun was creeping on him and made the outline of his biceps so obvious.

Those arms.

Lust or love. I don't know. I truly don't. But I can't keep away. Every inch of him, all of which makes me feral.

He is working on his Camaro. I wish I was a Camaro.

"- Ann! Sweetheart!" my grandma yelled.

I snapped out of my thoughts and got downstairs to my grandmother's room. She was not here.

"- Grandma?!" i yelled back.

"- I'm in the kitchen my love." she replied.

I got to the kitchen and saw her.

"- Grandma! Hey!" i said, reassured.

"- Can you make me some coffee sweetheart? My leg hurts me too much I can't stand up." she asked sweetly.

"- Of course grandma. Why didn't you wake me up earlier?"

"- You seem to sleep so much better these last few days darling. I want you to get as much as you can." she replied.

I know why I sleep better. My mind is occupied with James so much, the sadness that fills me generally due to my mother's death has slowed down. I still feel the worst. I miss her so much. But I see a little bit of light and peace thinking about him. My interest in him gives me hope for myself and for seeing more of this life I've been leading blindly the past few years.

I go and make coffee for my grandmother. I also prepared some oatmeal for her.

While the coffee is warming up I go and hug my grandmother from the back. I take her shoulders between my arms and I look over the journal she's reading.

"- A war. Inflation. Economy is falling apart. Our army is killing people in the middle east. Jimi Hendrix is still dead. The usual." i say. "How can you read such dreadful words?"

"- It reminds me to live every minute fully and to never think too much about anything sweetheart." she replies, grabbing my arms sweetly. "Which is something you should learn. If there is one thing you should get out of the last few years, it is that life is too short and you should do just what you want to do my dear." she added.

"- But what if i what i want to do is badly seen, or badly interpreted?" i say, doubtedly.

"- Well, to hell with everybody's mind. You and the people you are doing that with are the only ones that know what is going on sweetheart."

She takes my hand and I understand she will not change her mind about this. She seems like a sweet old lady but don't fuck with her. She'll beat you up. But I know deep down that she's right. I just don't know how to proceed it.

I let out of my grandmother's grip and got her coffee on the table.

"- The noise of the neighbour didn't bother you?" i ask.

"- No. Everything's good, it's normal to make noise when you move in darling." my grandma answers.

We eat some breakfast together and my grandmother then say.

"- Sweetheart, my birthday is coming up soon. Me and Stacy invited all my friends, I also invited Pamela and her husband. I think we should invite James too." said my grandmother excitedly.

James? Huh yes, no. I don't know.

"- Do you think he might want to come over? Such a nice gentleman, I would love him to be there." she continued.

"- I'll ask him when I have the time, grandma." i replied.

I was paralysed at the idea of seeing James again. Mostly to invite him to my home.

"- Oh honey, I feel that he is exactly how I remind him. A sweet, nice young man." she said.

Young man? He is way younger than my grandmother, that's for sure. She could be his mom. But to me he is a middle aged man. He is in his late 50s if I remember. You would think it is a good enough reason for me to back down from my dirty and romantic thoughts about him. But no. If so, it makes it more exciting. I don't know what I would have felt if I met James when he was younger. But something in me tells me I would have had the same reaction. That it's not about his age but who he is.

"- Well, i'll ask him when i see him." i tell my grandma.

"- I'll ask him too if i see him." she replied.

Now I'm sure he will be invited.

After breakfast, my grandmother asked me to help her get to the backyard. She wanted to go take care of her flowers. My grandma settled herself in the yard and started gardening. I sat down on a chair next to her. I light a cigarette. I need it. The noises from earlier were not here anymore. Perhaps the workers finished moving in James's stuff. I wonder if he is still working in his garage.

"- These flowers are so gorgeous sweetheart. Those dahlias remind me of your mother. Oh. And those hydrangeas remind me of your grandfather. And you. You are a dandelion. A beautiful bright dandelion my love." she said sweetly.

The dahlias did remind me of my mother. They were her favourites. They also were the last flowers I gave her before she died. Every time I go to her grave I put on dahlias. I'll get a tattoo of a dahlia one day. I take a drag of my cigarette, those thoughts making me more sad than anything.

A voice approached behind me.

"- You have a beautiful garden France."

I turned around and knew it was James. His voice was just too mesmerising to be forgotten. He was holding a package in hands. He smiled at me.

"- Hello Anna."

"- Hey... Mr Hetfield."

It was of use to use his last name since he decided to drive me crazy calling me by my full first name.

You could access our garden by a little path on the side of the house, not only by the inside. James probably heard us in the garden and came by the path.

"- A package for you was delivered at my place, the number of the house is badly written, they must have thought it was for me." continued James.

My grandma turned around.

"- Oh that is so sweet of you. You can put it on the porch. Ann will take it in a minute. Thank you." she said to James, happily.

The light was still doing a wonderful work on his biceps and his shirt still shaped his shoulders so beautifully. He put the package on the porch and came back to the conversation.

I helped my grandma get up from her flower patch. I'm pretty sure she wants to ask him about her birthday party.

"- Anna, you remind me of those beautiful dandelions your grandmother has right here." he said.

I froze. I was red. How did he know? Or why was I making him think of dandelions? And did he just call me beautiful? And again, my name.

"- And France, you are as bright as those peonies." he laughed lightly.

"- Oh James dear, don't make me blush." my grandma laughed. "How is the moving going?" she then asked.

"- Pretty well. I was just tidying up my garage. The car needed some work." he replied.

"- This beautiful Camaro?"

"- Yes. I've always loved this car." he continued.

"- You were just a little thing when this was made James. But me. I saw it when it was just out. Oh, one of my ex-boyfriends had one. A gold coloured one. He was an ass but i loved his car." she reminded.

James smiled at my grandma, loving her story.

I haven't said a word. But James gives me some quick looks and smiles here and there while talking to my grandma. I do too. I don't know why he does it but I know why I do it. Because he looks so magnetising. I feel like a teenage girl having her first crush.

"- Oh yes. James. My birthday is coming up soon. I would like to invite you and your wife over. I am organising a little gathering." my grandma exclaimed.

I know my grandmother just said wife because she wanted to know more about his situation. What did Stacy tell me already? Argh I don't remember. But he must be seeing somebody. There's no way he is single.

"- Well actually I'm single. I don't have a wife. Not even a girlfriend." James replied, passing a hand in his hair.

Oh my god. This doesn't make it easy for me at all. What do you mean he doesn't have somebody in his life??! A man looking like him. With such a charming aura? I smiled shyly at James trying to proceed with everything my heart was telling me to do that my morals were not loving. He noticed it and smiled back. I hate this game of cat and mouse, mostly when I don't know which one of them I am. I hope deep down that he catches me.

"- But I do have time in the next few weeks before the big rush with the band. I'll come gladly. Do you need me to bring anything?" he then asked.

"- Just bring your handsome face James that's all!" my grandma replied with a smile.

My grandmother talks to him like she would talk to a little boy. I mean he could be her son but it startles me a little. She doesn't have her daughter anymore, I guess she misses those kinds of light talk she could have with my mom.

He laughed.

"- Alright, I'll do my best." he then said. "Well ladies, I need to get back. I've got a studio session with the boys."

"- I'm glad you are doing well with your music Mr. Hetfield. I hope Lars is not as childish as before." she added.

"- How do you know that France?" James replied, chuckling.

"- Well, you came into the store I was working in when you all were younger. In 84? I think. You were as nice as a gentleman as before and Cliff and Kirk were just sweethearts. But Lars looked like an hyperactive kid your mom obliged you to take out." she laughed. "I always wondered if he was into some kind of drug or if he was just naturally like this." she smiled.

I was so out of the conversation. Who the fuck were Cliff, Kirk and Lars? Probably his band members, yes, but who does what in this fucking band? I don't know.

"- I should have remembered such a nice lady like you ma'am!" James said nicely. "But unfortunately Lars is always like this. I'm sorry you had to see that." he laughed.

This Lars seems like a grandiloquent character for sure.

"- Have a good day France." he waved at her goodbye.

His eyes locked into mine.

"- Beautiful day to you too." he suspended. "Anna."

"- Bye Mr. Hetfield." i reply.

I'll call him Mr. Hetfield until he stops calling me Anna. Actually I don't know if I want him to stop. And I truly love his last name, so I don't think I want to stop either. He smiled at me one last time. I thought he was cute.

We got back inside the house. I took the package on the porch. I didn't notice at first but on the package for my grandmother was another little one with just written "Anna" on it. I knew it was from James. I put it away quickly in my room before going back down to open the one for my grandmother. It was some gardening tools for her flowers. She needed new ones and couldn't walk too much to get to the store so I decided it was better to just order them. She was ravished. She used them the whole afternoon and made sure her flowers were in good shape. We then ate dinner and she got to bed early. I wanted to get to my room and listen to music and clean up a little. My grandmother's bedroom is on the first floor. The walls of this house are thick so I can listen to music without bothering her. On the second floor there was only a bathroom, my room and my mother's but nobody was allowed in it except me and my grandma.

I got to my room and saw the package from James on my bed. I open it and get a cassette out of it. It's a cassette of the Doors. L.A Woman. With an autograph of Jim Morrison on the front. A little word was left in the package.

"To Anna : "I found this in my music collection, I thought a Doors type of girl could have better use of it than me. I hope it will give you one of those beautiful smiles you have the secret of." - James."

Fuck. I lay back on my bed with the cassette and the word in my hand that I hold above my head. I'm blushing so hard. So he did call me beautiful earlier. What is going on? Why does he make me feel so confused? Why does it look that he is having as much of a hard time as me to hold this tension between us. If so, he seems to manage it less well. Am I giving myself ideas? No. Yes. Fuck this shit man. I want so much of him. But I mostly want to know him more, in every field. I'm all flustered and blushing. As much as when I humped my pillow thinking about him last night.

I put the word on my nightstand and I got up to get to the cupboard in the corridor. It's where my grandma keeps some of the stuff she used when she was younger. I know there is a cassette player from the early 70s in here. I'm sure the cassette will fit in there.

Got it. I go back to my room and play the cassette. It starts playing and the sound is old and cracky. Just like I want it to be. I decided that i wanted to smoke weed, i know i've got a joint left in my nightstand's drawer. I get it and light it. "Love Her Madly" my favourite song, starts playing and I can't help but dance incoherently in my room. It's like the world disappeared. I dance while smoking and the only thought that came to me was James. Him holding me by my waist while I dance would be the perfect addition to my little party. I wish someone would love me as madly as Jim describes in this song sometimes. When my mom was alive I thought so much more of romance. Today I didn't. Nobody picked my interest. Until James.

I picked up the cassette packaging with Jim's autograph on it. That's the most thoughtful gift we've ever made me. Jim Morrison truly is my favourite artist. I never thought I would touch something that he also touched. It's such an important piece of memorabilia, and James gave it to me so easily.

I think that my mom would love to see me all flustered and blushing like that. I think where she is she loves to see me smile. But mom I'm sorry, I don't know if you'd love the person for whom I smile. Actually, she probably would.

James lingered in my thoughts for so long. And I kept on dancing. Until the last second of this cassette. I am a bit high but I'm still conscious about what I'm doing. It's like my whole world has ended but I just kept on dancing.

I get up and put the cassette in a place where I can see it all the time. I go to close my curtains. If James wanted to watch me have my little party, he could have. They're is a dim light in his room. I wish he was here in front of me, like yesterday.

"- Goodnight James, I loved your gift." i said to myself, smiling while closing the curtain.

࿓ 𓋪・𖧹 𖤐

A/N : I want james to call me a dandelion. Chapter 6 is ready, this is where it starts getting interesting. ;) XOXO <33

[theshotsheardacrossworlds]

Piano

Halsin discovers one of Annie's hidden talents. SFW mostly.

What…what is that sound? Is that music? Halsin thought, his elven hearing picking up noise at the Last Light Inn. Do my ears deceive me? Is that a piano? It did not take him long to pinpoint the source.

There was a group, including Astarion, Karlach, Gale, and Wyll, standing and watching someone play.

His heart soared when he saw who was playing.

Annie.

She played a jaunty tune he was not familiar with, but it did not matter. She possesses so many gifts, yet she remains humble.

And so very beautiful. The way she felt against me last night…

He squeezed his eyes shut. No. I must control myself. Not here. Not now. Later? Perhaps?

“I can’t believe Annie’s been holding out on us!” Karlach exclaimed, gesturing to the tall half-elf at the piano. “She’s really good!”

The song ended, and everyone clapped, making Anais blush. “Oh gods. I didn’t mean to attract a crowd.”

“When you play so beautifully, my dear, I would hope you’d have an audience.” Gale said with a smile. “Truly, you are amazing.”

One of Harpers waved to her. “Hey, do you take requests?”

“Oh yes please, Miss Annie!” An orphan shouted.

Poor Annie looks fit to flee. Don’t worry, my heart---your bear is here. Halsin chuckled and knelt before the orphan. “I’m sure Miss Annie wouldn’t mind, but she needs a break, little one. Why don’t you ask later?”

The child smiled, and thankfully the crowd dispersed leaving Anais and Halsin alone. He sat next to her on the bench and placed a kiss on her cheek.

“Thanks for that. I found the piano the a few days ago and decided to check to see if it still works. So then I just tuned it and played for the first time since I was abducted…but I didn’t know practically everyone found me.” She reached for one of his hands and gave it a gentle squeeze. “I forgot how much I miss it.”

Such yearning in her voice. She truly misses home, and my heart breaks for her. “Then perhaps, should you find yourself with time—” He did not get to finish before she silenced him with a kiss.

Anais smiled knowingly when she stopped kissing him. “I have time later after everyone has gone to bed. Meet me here, love.”

“As if I can say no to you. Very well, later my heart.” He stood and offered her a hand as she rose. I can never refuse you, sweetest flower.

***

When Halsin reached the room with the piano, he was not surprised to see Anais already there. She was the very picture of delight and excitement, and when her gaze met his, she beamed at him. Anais greeted him with a breathy “hello” and hugged Halsin. She loves not only receiving affection but giving it. How I yearn for the day when we may finally be alone for longer than a few hours at a time.

“Have you been waiting long, my heart?”

She shook her head. “Oh no! I only got here a few moments ago myself. Please, love.” Anais sat on the bench at the piano and gestured to Halsin to sit next to her. This is going to be a tight squeeze, but I’m not complaining. It was indeed a tight squeeze, but it seems Annie doesn’t mind either. Good, good. “I’m going to probably regret asking, but what do you know of dwarven opera?”

Halsin chuckled. “Nothing at all, I’m afraid.”

“That’s alright. Anyways, what I want to play for you is one of my favorite pieces from a dwarven opera.” Taking a deep breath, she focused on the piano and began to play. Halsin was enchanted by her, by the music, by the way her fingers danced on the keys. He was not sure how much time had passed before she did several flourishes at what he thought was the end of the song. “Did you like it?” she asked timidly, her cheeks a little flushed.

Cupping her face in his large, calloused hands, he kissed her gently. “Of course, I did! What a beautiful gift you have…thank you for sharing it with me.”

She smiled softly, clearly enjoying his touch. “You’re very welcome. Any requests before we possibly head to my tent for other activities?” Anais teased. How sweet she is.

He thought for a moment. “Something that brings you joy.”

That was not an answer she expected. The way her nose scrunches as she thinks…she is more beautiful than nature itself. “I…oh, alright. Um, how about this?” She played a romantic, whimsical waltz, and Halsin easily imagined her dancing in a forest clearing, the sun kissing her hair and face to make her glow. Or better yet, dancing naked under the moonlight. What a sight that would be. When she finished, she smiled nervously again. “It’s one of my favorite waltzes. Always wanted to dance to it with…” she shook her head. “Nevermind. Just being silly.”

“No, please tell me.” Tucking an errant strand of hair behind one of her perfect ears, Halsin smiled gently. “I assure you whatever you’re thinking isn’t silly.”

A faint blush painted her cheeks. “With my future husband at our wedding. Like I said, very silly.” Halsin never wishes to marry and made that abundantly clear. That’s alright though. We’ll still have a lovely dance. Maybe in our home? Or perhaps under the moonlight? “Extremely silly.”

He pressed his lips to one of her pink cheeks and gave her the gentlest of kisses, long and lingering. “Not silly at all. It simply means you’re a romantic at heart. It just so happens I am as well!” He stood and walked a few paces from her. “My love, why not enchant the piano to play the song? I will…erm, attempt to dance with you, if you wish.” Oh my gods, his face! He looks so nervous! Aww, love. I won’t judge you for having two left feet. Da was just awful, but Mum didn’t care. “I know a few dances from the forests where I grew up, though I don’t believe I’ve ever waltzed.”

Anais smiled. That is the least surprising thing I’ve ever heard from Halsin. Other than that he loves honey. “It’s okay. We don’t have to waltz, love.” She waved a hand at the piano and muttered a spell under her breath. The keys immediately moved, playing her favorite waltz. She held out her hands to him, and he pulled her into his arms. One muscled arm snaked around her thick waist, hand settling on a hip, while the other held one of her hands over his heart. His head rested against hers as he breathed in her scent. “This is really nice.” She whispered. I never ever thought this would actually happen, but it is. It’s really happening!

As they swayed, Halsin kissed her red hair and occasionally sighed happily. “My heart, is this as good as what you dreamed of?”

She shook her head, still smiling. I don’t want this moment to end… “No. It’s even better.”

[tellywoodtrash]

// trigger warning for abuse and panic attacks //

hello TT. I'm so sorry for oversharing but i literally don't know what to do right know.

I'm 18 and my parents are abusive in an physical, mental, emotional, and every other sense.

I'm going to college this year and for years i thought that if i could just move away for college, i would be able to heal away from them. i would finally be free.

but they didn't let me apply to any out-of-state colleges. so now I'm stuck with them till idek how long. i wish i could just rent a tiny appartment or something but i don't have the money. and i can't live in any in state hostels either because they don't accept students who live in the same state.

as a result, my depression and anxiety has gotten so much worse. im having multiple panic attacks a day and i don't know what to do.

i don't know how i will survive anymore torture from them. i don't see a way out for myself. what should I do?

Dearest baby friend,

First offf, sending you biggest and tightest hugs. You are being very brave reaching out to me through your pain.

Crappy parents are just a shitty lottery result, and the worst bit is, you cannot change them. What you can change however, is how you react to them. It will take a lot of work, but train yourself to not hear the shitty things they say to you. It's extreeeemely difficult to grow out of wanting your parents' approval (esp. for us desis) but that's what you've got to do. By now you must have realised that no matter what you do, there's no pleasing them. So fuck it. Do what you think is right (PRUDENTLY, within reason; try not to rock the boat too much) and fuck their opinion. It's just white noise. Stop allowing them to affect your mood. Free yourself from them emotionally, and you'll see a lot of their power over you is diminished.

Is there anyone in the extended family you could reach out to? An aunt/uncle/grandparent etc? Maybe just work on forming a bond with someone like that, an adult whom you can trust to have your wellbeing at heart. Worst situation, you can move out to their place. But that's just in case of emergencies.

Now that you're starting college, I assume you'll have a little more freedom than you did in school, time wise. Try and use that to spend as much time away from your parents, whether it be in the college library, or with friends, etc. Come back home at reasonable times, and then just say you're exhausted and go be in your own space. Try and build a life outside of home and treat this just as a place to come rest your head at night.

Most importantly, you need to start creating an action plan to become financially independent as soon as feasibly possible. The sooner you have your own money, the quicker you can break your parents' control over you. You can move out to PGs or working women's hostels, or whatever. There are a buncha places that will pay you for small online tasks, like fiverr and upwork and stuff. All you need is your computer and an internet connection. If you have skills like graphic design and video editing etc, even better. Do some research into those. Depending on your college major, your professors might be able to help you get some small stuff within the college as well, as a research assistant or something of the sort. If/when you find a professor you form a good bond with, tell them you're interested in participating in projects or whatever, and that they should keep you in mind. These professors will also be able to give you good recommendation letters and connections when you graduate and are looking to move into the job market.

Since you don't have much disposable income rn, I realise it might not be feasible to suggest therapy to you; but please know there are online options that take like, a 1000 - 2000 bucks per session (look up The Mind Clan.) If that's not possible, I'd like you to try doing some self therapeutic reading that might be helpful. Research books written by professionals in the field (for eg Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life by Dr. Susan Forward; and Childhood Disrupted: How Your Biography Becomes Your Biology, and How You Can Heal by Donna Jackson Nakazawa) and absorb their messages and do the exercises if any, to help yourself understand how this relationship has affected both your mental and physical health, identify patterns that you may have built up as defense mechanisms to cope, and how to move forward with healing.

Please know, that you WILL eventually make it out of this situation. Maybe not now, maybe not in the current foreseeable future; but eventually you WILL become financially and emotionally independent from your parents and will be able to do as you wish. It's just about hanging in there a little longer. Use this time to prepare yourself to be self sufficient in the real world, and freedom shall come sooner than later.

Please take care of yourself in the meantime. I love you lots and am rooting for you.

[lukarsio]

Vent post. I’ll be posting the usual stuff again soon. Long rant under the cut/read more.

I hate when people say that autism or any disorder is a “superpower”, bc it’s not. Being sensitive to noise and getting so overstimulated to the point of having a break down isn’t a “superpower.”

I hate that this world is so unaccommodating for people like me. I have to mask to be liked. I have to put in the work for neurotypical people to be comfortable. I have to force myself to make eye contact. But not too much is bad and too little is also bad. There’s strict rules and standards but they’re always so vague. What’s too much? What’s not enough? I already have my own issues. I don’t have the energy to be masking all the time. But if I don’t I’m “weird” or “rude.”

People also tend to ignore my boundaries or assume I’m ok with things without asking. Like physical contact. So many times people have gotten upset at me bc I don’t like physical contact, or bc I move away bc people are too close. “yOu doNt haVe tO moVe THAT muCh. jEezE.” Or “iTs juSt a hUg, cMon.” Why can’t I have my needs met? Why can’t I have my boundaries respected? Why do I alway have to appease others when they won’t think about how I feel?

Anyway this is getting long. I wanted to talk about how when I shutdown I get very angry about anything and everything. I’m overstimulated and want to have some level of control. Listening to music can help me regain control and calm down. Give It To Me by The Northern Boys is one of my favourite songs and it helps me feel better some how.

[kiranaarf]

Maintaining Mental Strength While Physically Weak

Staying in bed resting the day away may seem amazing for those who aren’t chronically ill. But for me, it feels like a brutal reminder that my body is having a hard time keeping up with daily living. On these days, my bed doesn’t become a place for me to simply take a nap and rest my tiredness away. It feels more like I’m in prison for something I didn’t do. When I am unable to do what I want, I start thinking about all the things I wish I could be doing. And it becomes easy for me to feel sorry for myself and what I am missing out on.

One of the greatest challenge for me is maintaining my mental strength while I'm physically weak. I have learned that my mental health needs just as much attention, if not more, than my physical health. Because when I'm stuck thinking about how I feel and about how much physical distress I am in, it just makes it worse.

But lately, even though I have experienced many physical ups and downs, I have gained my mental strength in some ways, like making time for self-care, allowing myself to feel my emotions even if they are difficult, and acknowledge my physical limits without any judgment.

Lately, making time for self-care has been important to me and has drastically helped to improve my emotions and overall feeling of well-being, even on days I am hurting. My version of self-care can be as simple as writing and journaling. Self-care also looks like setting and communicating boundaries in my life. I have been making time for things I love, especially when life starts to feel overwhelming. I make plans that soon when I start to feel better I would take trips to the beach to swim in the ocean or just get away for a few hours and escape from stress. On particularly difficult days, it’s important to remember that it may not always be this bad. Find distractions that you can do while having a physically difficult day, whether that is watching some of your favorite shows, listening to music, or reading. Invite a friend over or have your family keep you company.

Take this time to focus on the little things that are making your day better. For me, the little things I focus on are my daughter's hugs, ice cream, a simple get-well message or text, a phone call from a friend, and my favorite music.

And allowing myself to fully feel all my emotions has freed my mind from a lot of added noise and distraction. I usually struggle with feeling the most anxious when I let my emotions build up over time. Typically, instead of expressing my emotions in the moment they are warranted, I bottle them up. It helps to shove my emotions to the side temporarily, but long term it only leads to more internal conflicts and external arguments that are blown out of proportion. Giving myself permission to feel my hurt and talking about my difficult emotions in has really helped.

Not only have I been allowing myself to emotionally feel, but I have also been allowing myself to acknowledge my physical hurt. On my worst days, I struggle with feelings of defeat. I obsess over the thought of my body failing me and all it is not doing for me at that time. I have always been my own worst critic when it comes to my body and all it can or cannot do. Working to accept my limitations on a day-to-day basis has eased the anxiety surrounding physical symptoms. I have acknowledged what my body needs daily and sometimes hourly. Treatments and self-care are not easy, but I am learning that they are worth it.

It is important to remember that although I have no control over my body and how it feel day-to-day, I can do things to take care of our mental health, and I know that it will eventually leads to a better physical symptoms too.

I am grateful that even when I am feeling physically weak that it could make my mind naturally shifts toward negativity, but I have found ways to make it better in the last couple of days.

I surely need to keep in mind that making time for myself, acknowledging my emotions, and accepting my physical limits as they happen will help me maintain strength during my most challenging moments.

[pancakefancake]

Love of my life.

I apologize for my absence. Life has been ✨insane✨ between traveling for work, more concerts, and moving. BUT I am here to yell about how perfect you are and how amazing this fucking story STILL is. 

Listen, you have me so goddamn feral for Eris - it is RIDICULOUS. Like “Eris had lingered in the doorway” should not have me giddy. it shouldn’t. but here we are. 

The hounds sleeping with her? UGH I cannot. Eris and his teasing and his little smirk? Ma’am, why do you do this to me so early on in the chapter. I’m also living for the wind being the MVP of meddlesome entities squishing them together like “now kiss!”

As always with the music and the added imagery. *Chef’s kiss* incredible 10/10.  

Uhm, excuse me. That display of power from Eris? I am unwell. “Stupid fae and their advanced hearing...” “Spying are we, little witch?” “Eris seemed pleased with himself for scaring her so easily.” This had me giggling like a schoolgirl. absurd.

“Couldn’t help herself and looked across his bare chest.” Same, babes, same. “Had his muscles gotten bigger since yesterday?” I’m howling and swooning at the same time. 

“I have realized I enjoy getting you irritated with me.” MA’AM. I am giggling. I love him SO MUCH. I love YOU so much for giving me this version of him. And then you think you’re gonna get some cutesy banter and then you fucking hit us with “It’s better than when you ignore me completely.” MA’AM. the AUDACITY. I have so many feelings and our precious lil ginger snap just really needs a hug and someone to run their hands through his hair.

“His eyes darkened. ‘And who told you that?” Sir, I cannot with your intensity. I am unwell and I am feral and I am obsessed. “I did.” she huffed back.” I just fucking love them both SO MUCH. 

The ITALICS. MA’AM. 

“Eris grabbed her face softly” and the passion and devotion and care in which he reassures? I am SWOONING. “But that regret would not be at you” the intuition and empathy of this man is too much. I am just obsessed with how in tune with her he is. “Beron would have done it.” He makes me want to sob sometimes. The entire description of his new power had me hot and bothered and I don’t know what that says about me but ma’am. And putting an ellipse before “release it” the INNUENDO, if you had put that shit in italics I would have been unable to control myself.

“Someone like you.” UGH HE IS SO SWEET AND DEVOTED AND CARING AND I LOVE HIM. 

I literally just giggled and squealed and made other inhuman noises and kicked my feet around like a toddler for the entirety of this encounter, I am unwell. The adorableness. The sweetness. AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN. I will never fucking recover from this scene. ever. I am dead. deceased. You have ruined all first kisses in stories for me forever because none of them will ever fucking top this. The lighthearted adorable playfulness unexpectedly giving way to the sexiest motherfucking first kiss ever. A first kiss with THAT caliber of passion and intensity? And the tipping point being Eris’ FUCKING LAUGHTER?? MA’AM WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE. I literally am not okay. There was a lot of screaming involved. I will never recover. I will not see my situationship until Wednesday and that now seems entirely too fucking far away.

“tried to ignore the heartbreak in his gaze as she did.” MA’AM WHERE ARE YOU GOING WHAT ARE YOU DOING. Ugh, I knew you were gonna do this to us and I’m here for it but MA’AM. “But Eris wasn’t going to let this happen again.” You go, baby. “No, he growled” oooooooo you know what that does to me anyway but in THIS context? oooooooooooooo lovelovelovelovelovelove “No more of this.” AND IT GOT BETTER

“It seemed she was still trying to catch her breath from their kiss.” you and me both babes. “Do I scare you?” MY HEART. “Why do you keep running from me?” MA’AM MY HEART. AND THEN THE “something” in ITALICS.

The rest of this chapter broke my goddamn heart and I am unwell and I am going to need you to fix this immediately. I understand I have been very delayed in my worshipping and smothering you with my affection but uhm yeah, I’m going to need you to fix this, please and thank you 🙃

and “everything” in ITALICS. I really cannot. How are you so amazing? how are you just giving us this absolute fucking perfection of a story for FREE and it’s not even your JOB!?!?! I love you and I love this story more than I can possibly express to you. Just soo so so so good. I am obsessed. This story feels me with such emotion and gives me so much joy. YOU give me such joy. You are incredible.

Sorry again for being temporary MIA but I hope you’re doing well because you deserve it and because imma need you to fix my heart soon 😘

chapter xxi – gust & flame

Eris Vanserra x Reader

Eris Vanserra has been a prisoner in his own home since the day he was born. He has done what he had to in order to survive and protect the few he loves. And he is playing the long game. Waiting, waiting, and waiting for the right time to make his move, to usurp his wicked father and become High Lord of Autumn Court. But things become even more complicated when a human girl drops into his life. Perhaps Eris can wait no longer to take his throne.

Word Count: 3,000+

masterlist

Y/N had been tossing and turning for nearly three hours now.

She’d spent the night helping the human women and children get settled into one of the great halls in the Forest House. Food and water had been waiting for them upon their arrival, as well as fluffy cots for them all to sleep on with countless blankets and pillows. 

Eris had lingered in the doorway, not wanting to scare their new guests or hover over Y/N as she tried to help them. But he wanted to make sure they had what they needed and his staff knew they were to provide whatever was required. 

Now, Y/N couldn’t sleep. She still worried for the humans. But most of all, a weight of guilt was heavy in her gut. They had been prisoners this whole time. It had been nearly a year since she escaped from her captors. And all this time of freedom, they were still captive. 

Two of Eris’ hounds were sleeping on her bed, keeping her feet warm. 

Y/N almost always had at least two of them with her when she was on the estate. They started taking turns sleeping with her.

Eris had made a comment about making them soft, but he couldn’t hide his little smirk of amusement from Y/N – she always caught it. 

Now both of the dogs' heads shot up and they started whining as they faced the window. 

“What is it?” Y/N hushed them as she pet their heads.

Then a window flew open and the wind rushed in. But it said nothing to her. 

Y/N tiptoed out of bed and went to the window. 

Below, even from such heights, she could recognize Eris’ red hair as he walked out of the protective walls of the Forest House and into the surrounding woods. 

Apparently, she wasn’t the only one who couldn’t sleep tonight. 

“Go…to…him,” the wind called to her. 

Y/N didn’t need to be told twice.

Not having timing to change, she threw a thick, forest green cloak over her nightgown – mostly for modesty sake. But she forwent shoes, deciding sprinting down the dark halls of the Forest House would be sneakier barefoot. 

The two smoke hounds jumped off the bed as soon as she was rushing around the room. They looked both anxious and excited by the movement. 

“Stay here,” Y/N ordered gently with a pointed finger. 

Both of them whined, not liking their second master going anywhere without them. 

Y/N hurried out he door and closed it behind her so they couldn’t ignore her command and follow her. 

She was almost completely silent as she ran through the hallways. It was late enough in the night that most servants were sleeping. 

But when Y/N reached outside, there were guards doing rounds at the gate that led out to the forest she had seen Eris walking towards. 

Surely these guards would stop her, thinking that she was trying to escape to the Mortal Realm. Yes, they all respected Y/N and treated her like she was already their Lady of Autumn. But Y/N didn’t trust that they would believe she was following after their High Lord. 

Y/N lifted the hood of her cloak, hiding her face in shadow. 

Then she closed her eyes and started an incantation. It was strong, but short-lived: hiding her very presence from anyone who would look in her direction. It turned her almost invisible, making her somewhat of a ghost. It could only really last a few moments and only worked for one person. But it got the job done as Y/N skipped out the open gate and then fell into a sprint. 

The wind directed her to Eris’ path, whispering paths or shaking the leaves of branches to follow.

Y/N wasn’t foolish enough to leave without a weapon and had strapped her gifted knife to her thigh, barely hidden under the thin fabric of her nightgown. 

The forest was so thick that it was even darker than the night sky should allow. The moon wasn’t full, but a waning third-quarter moon. A time of recovery and release, Y/N thought to herself. Her mother and coven would always tell her it was a time for self-care and reflection.

Eventually, she reached a large lake that was surrounded by trees with trunks wider than 5 people. 

That’s when she spotted him. 

In the center of the lake was a platform, and Eris stood upon in. He was wearing loose linen trousers and no shirt. 

Despite the darkness of the moon and forest, Autumn Court’s High Lord seemed to glow like a flame. But Y/N believed she would have found him easily no matter what. 

She hid behind a tree, watching Eris from shadow. 

Eris was summoning his flame and power. And Y/N had never seen him unleash it at such a level. The distance of lake between the two of them kept her at a safe distance. But Y/N still wondered if it was a mistake as walls of fire erupted around them. 

A phoenix of flame had wings that reached from one end of the lake to the other as it soared across the water. 

Y/N could feel the burning warmth so strongly that her eyes watered in pain and irritation. She shielded her face. 

There was a small break in Eris’ powers as he brought them back in. 

Suddenly, an animal of some sort seemed to want to expose Y/N, breaking a twig right behind her. And Eris caught the sound and whipped his head in its direction. Stupid fae and their advanced hearing...

Y/N quickly hid fully behind the tree trunk. 

After a few moments, she peaked back around. 

But Eris was no longer on the platform in the middle of the lake. 

“Spying are we, little witch?”

Y/N yelped and jumped as she whipped around to see Eris standing just mere inches behind her. God, she despised the advantage fae had over her with winnowing. 

Eris seemed pleased with himself for scaring her so easily. 

Y/N couldn’t help herself and looked across his bare chest. His skin was covered in a thin layer of sweat, proving that he was exerting himself with his practicing.

Had his muscles gotten even bigger since yesterday? Y/N blinked, snapping herself out of such thoughts. 

She glared at his amusement. “I saw you leave the Forest House.” 

Eris hummed as he gave a slow nod. 

“What are you doing out here?” She asked, looking around them. 

Without giving her a chance to prepare herself, Eris gently grabbed her forearm. And then they were winnowing.

Next thing Y/N knew, she was standing on the pier in the water that she’d found Eris on. 

“Could you not give me a warning?” Y/N growled as she gently shoved herself away from him. 

“It is much more fun this way,” Eris side with a smirk. “I have realized I enjoy getting you irritated with me.” 

Y/N rolled her eyes. “Oh, do you?” 

His smirk faltered a bit. “Yes, I do. It’s better than when you ignore me completely.” 

Her mouth dropped a bit at the honesty. “Ignoring you is not my intention. If anything, I worry that I am bothersome. You are a High Lord now – and a new one at that. You have more important things to do than entertain me.” 

His eyes darkened. “And who told you that?” 

“I did,” she huffed back. 

Before he could respond, she changed the subject. “You still haven’t told me what you are doing out here all by yourself.” 

“I will tell you if you tell my why you are awake.” 

“I couldn’t sleep,” Y/N answered easily. “I have been tossing and turning all night, worrying about them.” 

Eris knew the ‘them’ she spoke of were the humans they were currently offering sanctuary to. 

“They are safe here, Y/N. I have made sure of it.” 

Y/N shook her head as her eyes glazed over. “All this time… I went from galavanting around in Night Court to doing the same here, being treated like royalty – all why they were still prisoners. No! Slaves!” 

“Y/N, you are not responsible for the crimes of my family and their followers. You saved them once already. Then you saved them a second time today. And I know you asked Rhysand to send out a search party for them when you first arrived at the Night Court.” 

Then Eris grabbed her face softly. “You saved them, Y/N. Do you understand?” 

She couldn’t turn away from his auburn eyes. They lit something in her soul. So she nodded at what he told her, letting him convince her. She was too tired to fight against him. 

“Your turn,” she muttered softly. 

Eris dropped his hands from her face and took a few steps away from her. The pier didn’t allow for much more. 

When he didn’t speak right away, Y/N became stressed. “Do you regret keeping your brother alive?” 

Along with the human refugees, Y/N had been losing sleep over Eris possibly resenting her for stopping him from killing his brother, Aurelius. 

“Perhaps,” Eris answered slowly. “But that regret would not be at you, Y/N.” 

He turned his back to her and looked out at the surrounding lake and forest. 

“My brother is conniving. Keeping him alive is a risk. Even drugged with faebane and locked away, he still a danger to this court.”

“Then why not ignore me?” Y/N challenged. “Why not go through with killing him?” 

Eris said nothing for a few moments, keeping his back to her. Finally, he muttered, “Beron would have done it.” 

Y/N frowned and stepped forward. She gently grabbed his bicep and turned him around to face her. “Yes, Beron would have done it. But isn’t that further proof that you did the right thing by sparing Aurelius? It is easy to rule with fear and pain. But only a great ruler can be just and merciful. Do not let your father convince you that benevolence is a weakness.” 

Eris stared in her gaze, his face softening with her declaration. 

Then he held up his palm and a ball of flame hovered about it. 

Eris looked down at it as he explained. “I was consumed by this new power when I killed Beron. I’ve never known such force. It begs to be released, aching in my soul and beneath my skin. Even worse, its tied to my emotions.”

Y/N waited for him to continue. 

“Today I wanted to burn down the entire city. For my brother to even attempt to usurp me…and all while you insisted on being at my side. It’s only by sheer luck that I didn’t kill everyone who was on that battle field and beyond.” 

“But you didn’t,” Y/N argued, taking half a step toward him. 

“Nonetheless, I came out here to…release it.” 

“Release your power?” Y/N asked through a squint. 

He nodded. “This particular forest is enchanted. Invulnerable to fire, even my own.” 

“And I’m sure the water only helps,” Y/N added as she looked down at the lake they were standing on top of. 

Eris nodded again. “I fear a day will come when I cannot control it. And someone I care about will get hurt because of it.” He hesitated before adding, “Someone like you.” 

Y/N smiled gently at his concern. “Just because I am human, does not mean I am as fragile as you presume, High Lord of Autumn Court…” 

Mischief filled her eyes suddenly.

And with a light shove, she pushed Eris off the platform. 

The action was so unexpected and he had been standing at the very edge of the platform, that it barely took any energy to get Eris falling backward into the water. 

When Eris emerged from the lake, he was still processing what Y/N had just done. 

Meanwhile, Y/N was laughing so hard that her stomach hurt. The sound alone eliminated any possibility of Eris being even remotely irritated with her ploys. 

“You mischievous little witch,” Eris growled as he treaded water. 

But she knew there was no anger behind it.

Y/N shrugged with a glint in her eye. “It was an accident.” 

Before Eris could respond, a gust of wind shot out from behind Y/N – as dangerous as a tornado.

Her smile dropped as the wind was strong enough to knock her off balance and have her tripping off the platform, falling into the water. 

Y/N resurfaced, gasping for breath due to the shock of it all. She had fallen in with her cloak, and it weighed heavy now that it was heavy. She balled it up in her hand and threw it on top of the platform. 

Eris was swimming just a few feet away from her and he was…he was…laughing? His head was thrown back and he was laughing with his whole body. 

And all Y/N could do in return was stare. 

“Serves you right,” he managed to tell her through his laughter. 

But then he realized she was watching him so blankly. 

Eris’ laughing slowed as he started to look concerned, and swam closer to her. “What? What is it?”

Y/N blinked. “I am…I am not sure I have ever heard you laugh like that…” 

Her body controlled her next actions entirely. Or perhaps it was her heart controlling. 

Y/N swam forward until her lips crashed onto Eris’. 

There was a moment of clear shock from him, but only for a moment. Then his hands were all over her. One hand gripped her hip and brought them to his waist. And she heedlessly wrapped her legs around him. Eris’ other hand gripped the sweet spot between the back of her head and neck, stopping her from pulling away as he pushed the kiss forward to even more passionate grounds. 

Eris slightly lifted her higher in his grip so she was further out of the water. It was then Y/N realized that without her cloak the water had made her white nightgown completely transparent. 

And Eris noticed, too. 

His eyes moved down, staring at Y/N's exposed body with lust and passion – and dare she say…love? 

Y/N froze as Eris moved his lips to her right shoulder, then her clavicle, then the left side of her neck. All while both his hands tightened on her waist, bringing her closer as if he couldn’t stand what tiny, insignificant space there was between their bodies. 

She had never been touched like this. And the novelty of it snapped her out of the desirous haze. 

Y/N pushed herself out of Eris grip, and tried to ignore the heartbreak in his gaze as she did. 

“I-I-I’m sorry,” she stuttered in a whisper. “I shouldn’t…I shouldn’t have done that.”

Without giving him time to react, she started swimming to the shore where she’d first found Eris. 

But when she walked out of the lake, Eris had already winnowed there and was handing Y/N her cloak – now fully dry from his magic. 

She snatched it from and walked past him, heading back toward the Forest House. 

But Eris wasn’t going to let this happen again. 

“No,” he growled as he easily caught up to her. Then he completely cut off her path. “No more of this.” 

Y/N was breathing heavily, only staring back at him. It seemed she was still trying to catch her breath from their kiss.

Eris moved closer to her. “What is it you are so frightened of? Is it me? Do I scare you?” 

The question snapped her out of it. “No! Of course not!” 

“Then what is it? Why do you keep running from me? I know you feel it. You may not feel the mating bond as I do, but I know you feel…something.” 

Tears stung her eyes. “I am…n-nobody, Eris.” 

Self-hatred filled his soul as he watched the tears slowly slide down her face. 

“You are trying to rebuild a broken court. And all the while, there are those who wish to steal it from you.” She took in a shaky breath. “Eris, you need allies. You need a marriage of diplomacy, not love.” 

Her voice trembled as she finally stated, “I cannot give you anything.” 

Eris stood there, in shock. 

This is what’s haunted her mind? After all this time, her forced distance had nothing to do with him? But everything to do with his status? 

“This is how you see yourself?” He whispered. 

“I am not of noble blood,” Y/N whispered. “I am not even fae. What will the people of Autumn Court think to see their new High Lord with a lowly mortal, one that knows nothing of their ways? I am no more than a child to them…” 

“Y/N,” Eris begged as he reached out for her. 

“No!” She pointed at him. “Don’t. I have more to say.”

Eris’ moth snapped shut. 

“Why do you ignore that I am only mortal?” More tears fled from her eyes as she hissed, “You will live forever, Eris. And I will die. Maybe it will be in 50 years, but maybe it will be sooner. It doesn’t matter because my lifetime will be the blink of an eye for you.” 

Y/N was now sobbing. “I do not know why the Cauldron was so cruel, choosing me as your mate.” 

She shook her head, trying to get a handle on her emotions. 

And every time Eris tried to take a step toward Y/N, desperate to comfort her, she would shake her head in warning. 

Y/N sniffed and declared, “I think it is best if we keep our distance.” 

“Y/N…” Eris begged in a whisper. 

There was so much for him to say. Had he known this was really how she truly felt about him, about the two of them…then he would’ve been more prepared. But he had been blindsided and he couldn’t find the words to tell her how wrong she was about him, about everything.

“Please,” she whimpered. “I want to be left alone. Please, Eris.” 

And then she rushed away, practically running back to the Forest House. 

–––––––––

It took me awhile to write a new chapter bc I've been so busy and my season depression has been...not fun.

Please let me know if you liked the chapter. 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

[myliteralhyperfixations19]

Kinktober 1-Dirty talk

Kinktober: Day 1

warnings: | Dirty talk | 

wc: 964

a/n: I’m getting better at this I think. This is kind of inspired by my boyfriend like most of them are. Not beta read let me know if someone wants to be my beta reader, I'd love the help. Enjoy! And Let me know what you guys think. No character so use your imagination but if you need some help check the tags.

“Play with me ’’, you whine from the bed. You're trying to get his attention, sitting in bed in his shirt and just your panties, just wanting him bad.  

“Fine,C'mere brat'', his voice calls to you,pushing his chair back and opening his arms to hug you, putting the controller to the side. “come sit baby”

You climb onto his lap,nestling your legs between his spread ones, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and your legs around his waist,as his rough hands travel from your knees up your thighs, caressing your skin softly.  Your shirt rides up to your hips, as his fingertips travel upwards and upwards, under your shirt and you resist the urge to grind yourself against him.

“Is that all my needy girl wants?.” He questions picking the controller back up. 

“No, more.” You reply, slightly kissing his neck and nudging down on him. You’re almost content with just being that close to him, but closer is always better. In an attempt to get even closer to him, you  slide your hands under his shirt resting your hands on his lower stomach. Trying to get him to give you what you want. 

He keeps one hand on your back and keeps playing his game. Giving grunts of frustration that have you clenching your thighs. It's almost too much the feeling of his hands against your back, gripping it slightly. You can feel his hard cock rubbing on your panties.The only thing separating the two of you is his sweats and your panties.  But it’s not enough, and you continue moving your hands down until you reach the edge of his sweats.

That gets his attention quickly, and his arms tighten around you as he turns his head. “What are you doing,baby?”

You mumble against his neck. “Need you.” He doesn’t stop you, letting you pull his pants down a little and take his cock out. 

He shuffles around slightly, helping you get easier access, and you move your  panties  to the side before sinking down onto his cock. It instantly makes you feel warm and full. The stretch of having him inside you was one of your favorite feelings. You muffle the moan you needed to let out against his neck, expressing your emotions before kissing his skin.

“So needy and naughty, baby. I knew having my cock inside your pretty pussy would shut you up” He coos against your ear, although he’s the one holding you closer to his body. “I need you to stay still so I can finish this,princess” 

You nod along. You stayed quiet as your fingers raked through his hair, as you snuggled close to him. Though you're already struggling to stay still, all you want is to move and have him sliding in and out of you. You want him to fuck you already. He plays his game and you soon discover it takes every ounce of your willpower to stay still. Every time he dies or something good happens he jumps a little and you can't hold in your noises as he moves deeper inside you each time. 

“Baby,” he rumbled right in your ear, “I'm gonna lose if you keep making those sweet sounds that make me want to put a baby in you. Now be a good girl and sit still.,” he kisses your neck softly before he continues playing and it starts to become too much for you. 

“Please…. can I just move?” you beg as  tried your best to stay still, but couldn’t fight the way your walls clenched down around him at his words, “or just, touch myself? please?”

You looked down, past his arms wrapped around you, below where his hands were clasping his controller, to where he had stuffed you full, and you swore, even in the low light, you saw your glistening clit throb.

“Nope. Needy girls don't get to touch what's mine”

“But-“

“You were the little slut who wanted my attention, so you have to wait till I'm finished. And if your good for me ill fuck you, baby,” you felt his lips, teeth and tongue on your neck, “I promise”

[quillsandtypos]

The Edge in Revenge

Words: 3k

Warnings: smut, degradation, female oral receiving, sexual edging, and underage drinking mentioned (NO SEASON 2 SPOILERS, I just started watching season one but I needed to get this out of my head)

Pairings: JJ Maybanks x fem!reader

...........................................

JJ really shouldn’t have been the one to underestimate what you were capable of doing in the name of revenge. He’d been fucking with you all day. It had started that morning, you were alone in his kitchen as the other Pogue’s were still asleep. He had you pinned up against the wall lightly sucking on the side of your neck. As he trailed down to your collarbone he suddenly pulled away. You furrowed your brows at him but he just winked and smirked before he walked away; leaving you wet and confused.

Then later after lunch he managed to get you alone before you and the other pogue’s went out on the water. You were still inside grabbing the cooler, as everyone else was already on the boat. He snuck up behind you unbeknownst to you. You felt his hot breath on his ear. “You need help with that princess?” he asked cockily. You felt his warm cock press against the back of your ass, and his hand was at the small of your back.

“Oh definitely,” you responded eagerly. You turned to him as he easily pulled you in with one arm around your back, and the other at the back of your neck. Your lips interlocked, and you hungrily kissed him back, almost begging for more. But just as the time before, he quickly pulled back. Grabbing the cooler from behind you and heading out the door. With a ‘thanks!’ and a barely contained giggle. Oh he was a dead man, you decided right then that revenge was most definitely an order.

So you came up with the perfect scheme. If he wanted to play that game, then he would quickly learn who he was quite literally playing with.

“Ki,” you said. You quickly pulled her away from the boys. “I need a favor, I need you to get JB and Pope away from JJ.”

“Do I even want to know?” she laughed.

“It’s in the name of revenge,” you offered hopefully. She let out a long fake sigh.

“Hmm, let me think,” she took a long pause.

She cracked a smile. “I’m just kidding, you should’ve started with the revenge part.”

“Yes! Thank you,” you said, hugging her tightly.

“Come on JB, we’re gonna go help Pope with whatever he’s doing in the kitchen,” she said, pulling him along.

“What? Oh, okay,” John agreed confusedly as he awkwardly followed her.

And so then there were two. You casually flopped yourself down on JJ’s lap, who seemed slightly startled at first, but then just wrapped his arms around your waist. As much as it was a sweet gesture, you didn’t sit there to be sweet, so you needed to ruin the moment. Lightly, you rolled your hips back so you went right across his dick, and then rolled forward, making sure to move slowly but applying a small amount of your body weight as pressure. You weren’t certain he was giving you a look that could kill, but you didn’t bother looking. But what you did do was speed up a little bit until you felt his dick grow hard.

Smiling a smug grin you moved to get off of him. But his arms helds you there. He swiftly pulled you down onto his chest so your right ear was directly next to his mouth. “When we are alone next, I’m gonna fuck you till you’re screaming,” he whispered lowly.

You adjusted your head so you could see his face. “As if you could ever have that effect on me,” you smirked.

“Care to up the stakes then? Or are you too chicken?” His eyes gleamed, and at the same time so did your’s.

“Name your price,” you said confidently.

“If I can get you to beg, then you owe me a six pack of beers.”

“That’s it?” you asked, surprised.

He raised his eyebrows, “Fine, a six pack of beers, and you have to go skinny dipping with me next Friday night.”

“But I have to work next Friday,” you suddenly remembered.

“What? Not feelin so cocky now princess? Afraid you’ll lose?” he taunted.

You narrowed your eyes at him. “Of course not. So what do I get if I can make you beg?” You poked him in the chest for emphasis.

“Alright, if you win, then you get me as your personal boat driver, or person who gets you things, or whatever,” he offered.

“You sure that’s quite a high bargain JJ?” you now taunted back.

“Yeah, I’m not worried,” he replied cockily. He offered you his hand to shake and you took it.

“Prepare to be my personal maid,” you said.

“You better prepare to beg,” he countered.

You moved off of him just as your friends came out of the kitchen. “You guys wanna come with, we’re going for a night swim?” Johnny B offered.

“Nah, we might be out later though,” JJ answered before you could.

“Suit yourselves,” Pope shrugged. Kiera sent you a wink before also heading out the door with them.

JJ and you practically booked it to his room as soon as they shut the door. You quickly grabbed a condom from his drawer where you knew them to be by memory. You turned to throw him the condom to see that he was already on his bed with his shirt off. Every piece of your body was drawn to his chest and the way his back muscles looked in the low light, but you weren’t going to let him know that. So you deflected.

“Someone’s eager,” you commented.

“I-” JJ started to defend himself but the comment got stuck in his throat as he watched your movements. You began slipping your shirt off to reveal a black bra that was sheer, and lacy around the straps and underwire area. It pushed your boobs up nicely and accentuated your cleavage perfectly. JJ was a mess.

“This is so not fair,” he groaned, his jaw practically on the floor.

You knew the effect the lingerie would have on him, which is exactly why you picked it. “What? You too chicken J?” you said, using his taunt from earlier.

Your words made him recover quickly. “No, of course not,” he scoffed.

“That's what I thought you’d say,” you smirked. Now you let your jean shorts fall to the floor, so you were able to show your black thong, which was not as fancy looking, but you knew it would practically make JJ lose it.

You were right, he looked like you had placed him under a spell. When he finally snapped out of it, he pointed next to him. “Bed princess. Now.”

He was almost making this too easy. “I don’t know about that. How about please?”

JJ nearly opened his mouth, but quickly caught himself before he could say anything. “Fine, I’ll do it myself,” he smirked. He moved off the bed, to grab you. You tried to avoid his hands, but there wasn’t much room to run around, so he easily caught you. He threw you onto his bed, and you let out a small yelp of surprise. Before you could even think about running off again, he jumped on the bed, flipped you onto your back, and pinned you. His knees were on your hands, effectively keeping you from touching him.

“Are you going to be a good slut and scream for me?” he asked. His face a few inches from yours.

“Not a chance J,” you smiled.

“Have it your way then, but either way, you’ll still be moaning my name.” His arms lowered so he could dip down to kiss a couple inches above your collarbone. His knees still held your hands in place. He sucked hard against your skin, making sure to leave marks.

“Wait, no marks JJ,” you told him.

“Should’ve told me that sooner now everyone’s gonna know that you lost a bet,” he teased.

“In your dreams,” you scoffed.

JJ didn’t have a comment on that, but went back to work leaving you many bruises that you would have to cover the next morning. Oh how you wished your hands could be in his hair at the moment. He made an agonizingly slow trail down to your bra, before removing it and throwing it onto the floor of his room. He then started sucking on one of your breasts letting his lower lip just gently brush against your nipple everytime he sucked above it. He had found out about the spot driving you crazy the first time you had sex, and now you were strongly wishing you had never told him.

You had your mouth clenched rather tightly so that no moans would escape your lips. Unfortunately for you, your boyfriend noticed that.

“Come on y/n, just let it out. You know that no one can make you cum like I do,” he taunted.

Luckily, his temporary break gave you a chance to get control of yourself again. “Fuck off,” you retorted.

“Yeah, that was kinda the plan.” He grinned devilishly.

He must’ve realized that he was not going to get you to break by doing that, and instead moved farther down to pull your panties off.

His head ducked down to your pussy, but he made eye contact just as he did so. “You still feeling cocky?” he asked.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Alright, then let’s see how long that lasts since you’re such a slut for me,” he said with a wink before ducking his head fully down. He sucked another hickey on the inside of your thigh, and he slowly started licking towards your pussy. You could practically feel his tongue against your clit, but he was taking his sweet time.

“Stop teasing,” you finally groaned out.

“Is that begging I hear?” he questioned.

“No, I’m telling,” you said matter of factly.

“Yes ma’am,” he agreed with a chuckle.

His tongue slowly started lapping across your folds, occasionally flicking along your clit. Oh god you were in heaven, but simultaneously in hell because you couldn’t make a peep. His tongue once again licked across your spot, and you had to slap your hands over your mouth to keep a moan from escaping your lips. You could feel the smirk on his lips, but you weren’t going to let him have the satisfaction of knowing how much he was affecting you.

A few whimpers nearly came out of your body, and your hands were nearly shaking from trying to hold it in. But all of a sudden you realized that letting it out may be to your advantage, hearing your noises of pleasure, always had quite the effect on him.

So you did. Every moan, and whimper you let him hear. He thought that he was getting to you, which truthfully he was, but the game was far from over.

“You’re eating me out so good,” you moaned.

Your plan was already working; you noticed that he started to pick up the pace.

“Oh god JJ!” you screamed as he licked over a good spot on your pussy.

He continued licking in that exact spot which almost made you want to give up the bet right then in there. You felt shivers go through your spine as your core started to heat up but you were too stubborn to lose yet.

“No one fucks me like you do,” you moaned, knowing damn well the effect it would have on him.

Your plan seemed to have worked as he quickly took off his shorts, put on the condom, and just as his cock was about to enter you, you stopped him.

“Beg,” you insisted.

“Y/n fucking pl-” You had nearly had him, but he managed to stop himself before the words tumbled out.

You smirked, as he finally realized what you were doing. He however was now hell bent on making you lose. JJ climbed back on top of you with new vigor. “You’re smart, which is exactly why breaking you will be so much more fun,” he taunted. His head went back down again.

Your hands entangled in his hair as he went back to licking every single nook and cranny that he could find. “Fuck,” you whimpered as he once again licked your even more sensitive clit. You could feel the tension burning in your core, and a tingling sensation starting to spread all over. You started to buck your hips from the stimulation, and JJ was quick to force you back down. As his flicking became more rapid, you felt your body start to tense up.

“JJ I’m gonna-” you had started, but suddenly he had stopped.

“Beg,” he told you. And as much as you wanted to give in you were determined to knock the cocky grin off his face.

You sat up on your elbows. “Make me.”

JJ looked delighted by your answer. “That’s fine I got all night.”

“Inside me JJ,” you told him. You knew he wanted to make you beg for that as well, but you knew that he wanted to be inside you more.

He thrusted his cock into you and you did your best not to slide backwards from him pushing into you. “Oh my god you’re so wet for me, you really have been waiting.”

After he had checked on you he began slowly thrusting into you, going deep into you. “Oh shit,” he moaned. He would have to explain a lot of scratches across his back tomorrow but quite frankly you didn’t care.

“JJ!” you half moaned, half screamed as he went down again.

“You’re such a dirty slut for me aren’t you?” he taunted you.

You wanted to have some sort of retort but all that came out of your mouth was another moan, which just egged him on more.

“Come on, I know you’re tempted.”

Truthfully, you were extremely tempted, but you could surely outlast him right? But then you had an idea, he couldn’t stop it if he didn’t know what was coming. So as you felt your body starting to be strung out again you did you best to keep your breathing the same, and to not move around as much. But just as you felt the tension building he stopped.

“JJ?” you groaned in confusion.

“You seriously don’t think I don’t know when you’re going to have an orgasm?” he laughed. He pushed his hair out of his face and grinned down at you.

“Y/n you might as well just give up now, and spare yourself,” he suggested.

Collecting what small amount of strength you had left you said “Not a chance.”

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” he smirked.

The warning was evidently very necessary, your whole body was starting to feel ten times more sensitive than it usually did. Every thrust sent a wave of pleasant goosebumps through your body. Your legs were shaking, and your voice was admittedly starting to go away. Your body felt like it was screaming that it wanted to orgasm. He started to slow down, but you were so close. You attempted to buck your hips into his to get the feeling back but he held you down. With a satisfactory grin on his face, that you needed it so bad.

“You’re not getting an orgasm unless you beg and we both know that I could fuck you for hours,” he taunted.

“Fine, fine, fine, please, please, please let me cum J, please. I am begging you,” you whined.

“That’s all you had to say princess,” he smirked. Finally his pace picked back up, to a more rapid one.

“Fuck you feel so good,” you moaned to him. There was no point keeping it in now. Your hips bucked in rhythm with his, as he moved in and out. But his rhythm slowed down as what you recognized as his climax.

“Oh god,” you heard him say as it finally hit him. His moans of pleasure only sped up your’s. “Fuck,” he moaned on top of you. But he managed to push himself back up to go down into you a couple more times for you to reach your climax.

Your whole body felt like it was on fire with tingles. The feeling spread from your stomach to your breasts to throughout your whole body. Your legs began to shake and you couldn't form words anymore. The only coherent thought you could form was how good you felt. Even after you had reached your climax, you had a sense of euphoria that you just couldn’t shake.

Eventually, you felt JJ start to move out of you, and you both whimpered slightly from how sensitive you were. You saw him take the condom off and throw it away. You lay in bed, still breathing heavily.

“Give me your hand, we’re going to the bathroom,” he said sweetly, but insistently. You groaned but you didn’t protest.

After you had used the toilet, you both flopped back down in his bed. It was quiet for a couple minutes before JJ spoke up.

“You know I’m really excited to see what beers you get me,” he teased.

“Shut up,” you laughed, lightly smacking him in the arm.

He lightly smacked you back. “Oh and don’t forget to call off for Friday tomorrow morning,” he grinned.

“I hate you,” you said as you rolled over.

“I love you,” he said sweetly, as he wrapped his arms around your midsection.

He always had a way of making you happy. “Love you too J,”

“Goodnight princess,” he said as he kissed your cheek.

“Goodnight JJ.” And you quickly fell fast asleep in his arms.

Needless to say, the other pogue’s weren’t worried that you never came outside. They knew where they would find the two of you the next morning.

[pandoraslove]

Rumor Had It

Finn Shelby x Reader (part 4)

Summary: A new job, supportive friends and family, what else could y/n ask for. She’d never thought to look in the shadow until she caught onto his.   

She got the job. Y/n got the job! She was as excited as a child on Christmas morning. She received a letter 2 days after she’d applied. Today. She jumped up and down in the comfort of her small living room, then calmed down, then did it again. Freddie had told her that he, Ada, and Karl would all be having dinner with the Shelby family. All of them since Ada of course would go off on who ever dared not to show up. Freddie and Ada both extended the invitation to her, but she’d said no and then Ada threatened her with telling Freddie the incident of nearly a week ago. So in the end she is having dinner with the Shelby family.

Y/n’s last day at the flower shop was yesterday, She honestly wasn’t too sad to leave. She didn’t get along with the owner... too authoritarian.

It was almost noon so y/n made her way to #6 on Watery Lane. She was incredibly happy, she held a small smile on her face, as she day dreamed about the different dresses she’s make, She’d try to make trousers, and skirts, oh how she loved skirts. She tried to control the smile on her face as she walked into the home, there was already commotion. This time John’s wife, Esme, and their kids were here. She walked into the living room and greeted the guys there, then walked into the kitchen where she found Esme, Polly and Ada and greeted them too. 

“Wise of you to show up, Y/n.” Ada says with a smirk. she narrows her eyes at her sister-in-law jokingly making her laugh. 

“Why don’t you go with Freddie and Finn for a while, we have it handled in here.” Polly says with a smile. She nods and walks back into the living area. Karl was playing with John’s kids in the back yard now, so there was a little less noise in the house. Y/n sat next to Freddie who was currently talking to Tommy about something she wasn’t really paying attention to. She’s was staring off into space thinking about the new job she got. 

“Y/n.” Freddie calls out to her. 

“hm?” She hums looking up at him, she instantly dropped the smile she had, knowing she’d get interrogated. 

“Why are you so giddy?” He asks. 

“What ever do you mean, Prince Frederick?” she says, sniffling a small laugh at the end of her sentence. 

“That smile on your face, Why is it so bright?” He says narrowing his eyes. 

“Am I not allowed to be happy?” 

“You were just smiling while you stared at the floor biting you lip, a little suspicious.” John says. 

“I bite my lip when I’m distracted so what?”  

“So, you weren’t thinking about a boy?” Fred asks. 

She scoffs, “ no. ew. no. why- what the fuck?” She chokes up making everyone look at her surprised. “No offense but I don't have to for men in my life, right now I'm focusing on making myself rich.” She says smuggly. 

“and how will you accomplish that?” Arthur asks. 

“By working hard at the boutique.” She says with a big smile. 

“you got the job?” Finn asks. she nods excitedly, as Fred gives her a side hug. 

“well, no wonder you were so happy, congratulation y/n.” Thomas says. 

“thank you.” She says. Karl walked back into the house and right into her arms. She’s gotten close to her nephew over the past few days. He crawled onto her lap and laid his head on her shoulder. “Are you alright, Karl?” She asks softly. 

“mhm. sleepy.” He says quietly. She could feel him growing heavier. She leaned farther back on the couch and allowed the boy to fall asleep. 

“How has he fallen asleep so fast?” Arthur asks surprised. He said it a little loudly causing Karl to stir a little and making y/n glare at him. he muttered a small apology while everyone else laughed. She ran a hand up and down his back to help him fall asleep as he was still slightly awake. 

“When is your first day, y/n?” Freddie asks. 

“in 2 days.” 

“Do you need anything? We could help you out a little.” 

“I’m fine, Freddie, I have everything I need.”

“Well, tomorrow we are cele-” Freddie begins, only to be cut off by her. 

“No.” She says, not in a harsh manner, but a little sternly. 

“Why not?” He asks. 

“Because, I’m not feeling up to it.” She lied, she always loved her birthday, but having Freddie back and people who look out for her is enough. 

“Fine, Dinner?” He asks and she nods. 

“What’s tomorrow?” Finn asks. 

“Nothing important,” She tells him with a small smile, He eyes her suspiciously. 

“The foods ready,” Esme announces and everyone walks into the dining room. Y/n stays behind to lay Karl down on one of the couches, Finn stayed behind as well. 

“You know you aren’t a very good liar, you look around a room after telling on subconsciously.” He states, she laughs. 

“It’s honestly nothing, just a normal day.” She says. 

“It’s your birthday isn’t it?” He asks. 

“How’d you know?” She asks surprised. 

“context clues.” he grins. 

“Don’t say anything, please? It’s not that big of a deal.” She says sincerely, he nods in understanding and they walk to the room everyone else was in. They sit in the only remaining chairs that were left, right next to each other too. she stayed quite listening to everyone else talk and also getting stuck in her head.  The last nice, fun birthday she’d had was when she was 5. Her father was still alive, her mother loved her, and Freddie was there too. Her father had given her rose and sunflower seeds to plant, her mother gave her a red bow, and Freddie gave her a sewing kit. Her flowers bloomed but died soon after... since she stopped taking care of them. She used the sewing kit to make more bows for herself. Y/n finished her food and listened to the conversation between the Shelby family absentmindedly. Her leg was shaking under the table and when Finn noticed he nudged her arm softly. She looked up at him in question. 

“Everything alright?” he asked softly enough that only she heard. she nodded, but her leg continued to shake. He put his hand on her leg and watched her calm slightly. 

She felt his hand on her leg but didn’t make any attempt to move it away. It calmed her in a way. She tried to keep the change in her mood unnoticeable, not wanting to bother anyone. 

Freddie eyed the two as he sat next to Ada. He noticed the slight change in y/n’s mood after bringing up her birthday. Even though he said they’d only have dinner, he owed it to her to have something bigger, especially since her last birthday with him was nearly more than a decade ago. He’d mention it to the Shelby’s later. 

“So y/n I hear you got the job at the dress boutique?” Polly asks. 

y/n nods but not as excitedly as she had earlier. “Uh, yes. I got the letter this morning. I start in 2 days.” She says a bit quietly. 

“I’d think you would be more excited.” Ada says, a hint of worry in her words. 

“I am, It’s just I'm a little tired is all, the food was delicious, thank you.” 

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Arthur asks.

she was beginning to get flushed and a bit overwhelmed. “yeah, yes, I’m fine.” she smiles at him. “just tired and thinking of all the dresses I'll be making.” she tells them. 

“Will you make me one?” Ada asks. 

“Of course, you know now that I think about it I could open my own dress shop and make dresses.” She says. 

“Well, This is just a start to that, that could be your goal in the future.” Freddie says. 

“Such a wise man.” Y/n jokes. 

“Why, Thank you.” Freddie says with a grin.

“Shush, Princess Fredericka, you’re ruining the moment.” Everyone burst out laughing at the nickname. including Finn and Y/n. 

“Wasn’t it Prince Frederick an hour ago?” Freddie asks amused. 

“I like Princess Fredericka better.” She says cutely. 

“Right, well, Rosie, we shall settle it in the Thorne manner just like when you were younger later. you’re still ticklish aren’t you?” He asks with a huge grin, the old nickname didn’t faze her much, it felt nice being called Rosie again. Y/n Rosie Thorne

“You wouldn’t dare.” She says staring him down. 

“We’ll see,” He says, “can you go check on Karl?” He says with a smug grin, changing the topic, But she was more than glad to go check on her darling nephew. He still needed to eat. She got up, forgetting about Finn’s hand, and smiled at him as she walked away. She walked to the couch Karl was on and ran her finger through his hair. He stirred a little before waking up. 

“Well, good morning, minx.” 

“Morning?” He asks. 

“It’s still dinner, you have to eat bud.” she says softly. The four year old reaches his arms up and she picks him up. He rests his head on her shoulder and they walk back to the dining room. She didn’t fail to notice the shadow in the corner of her eye. She was tense, Freddie noticed that as she handed Karl to him. She whispered into his ear, “pass me your gun, don’t ask just don't do it.” she says so softly only he hears. He passes the gun to her discreetly and she excuses herself to the bathroom. His shadow was in the window, so he must’ve been outside. She stepped out and looked around, noticing him about walk away from the house. 

“I thought I told you to stay away.” She says sternly. 

“You actually thought I would listen?” Derrick asks. 

“Did you think I was bluffing? I am Thorne and I keep my word.” She says before shooting him in the leg. She would have shot his dick off but she was feeling a little Merciful today. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” He screams in pain. 

“I don’t know you tell me.” She says walking back into the house. Of course the gun shot was heard by everyone else other than the shelby’s do to the loud bickering and laughter of the children. She sits back down at the table next to Finn after putting the safety on the gun and tucking it into her boot. Freddie looked towards her and she only smiled. 

[xsamsharons]

behind enemy lines - k. brekker

pairing: kaz brekker x reader.

genre/warning: just fluff!

words: 1.3k.

summary: in which to anyone else, you are supposed to be enemies. however, behind closed doors, it is with you that he feels the safest.

“Fraternizing with the enemy, Brekker?” Per Haskell’s voice ran through the office as he stared down at Kaz. Somehow word had gotten out about the little visit he had paid you, and if there was one thing that moved quickly through Ketterdam, it was rumors. Well, that and stray bullets.

To be honest, Kaz hadn’t exactly been trying to hide, and he didn’t feel like he owed anyone an explanation, especially Per Haskell. However, the old man liked to feel like he could still control Kaz and he figured he could grant him one lecture to make him feel better about himself. He knew there wouldn’t be consequences for him, anyway.

Nevertheless, he couldn’t help but want to laugh every time someone referred to you as the enemy, or a target, or -his personal favorite- dangerous. Don’t get him wrong, he was well aware of the fact that you were one of the deadliest criminals currently roaming the city, but you weren’t a lost cause. Not like he was, anyway.

He hated it when people compared you to him, you weren't unhinged, you weren’t evil, you were just… self-serving. Yeah, he decided, that was the best way to describe you. You didn’t really follow a moral code, you just did what benefited you the most, and while sometimes you had to do things that most people would consider amoral, no one could blame you for trying to make a living in the hell hole that was Ketterdam.

“I wouldn’t call it fraternizing, I was just conversing.” he wasn't. He was definitely not just conversing.

“I don’t give a shit what you were doing, I want the threat gone.” Kaz almost snorted at that.

Sure, you could kill a man in less than five seconds using no more than just your bare hands, but he wouldn’t consider you a threat, not to his gang anyway. You were more of an annoyance, a rock stuck in one’s shoe that you couldn’t really shake and remained there the whole time you walked, but never a threat. You actually were the person he felt the safest around, and while that did make you a threat, it didn’t make you the kind of threat everyone thought you were.

Kaz didn’t say all this, for obvious reasons, and instead settled for a simple: “Of course, sir.”

The old man waves a hand at that, and Kaz took it as a sign of dismissal. Without wasting a single second, Kaz was out of there as quickly as his leg allowed him to, and as he slammed the door, he used a bit more force than he usually would.

The only person who had noticed he wasn’t spending as much time in his office anymore was Inej, and if anyone else had, they didn’t dare ask him why.

It hadn’t been that difficult to convince him to stay with you, the office held nothing but bad memories and it was rarely quiet. Kaz used to think he liked the noise, he liked hearing the screaming from downstairs and feeling like the city never slept, he thought it granted him a sense of comfort - until he met you. With you, he realized he didn’t need outside noise to distract him from the mess inside his head, he just needed your laugh and a smart comment that forced him to suppress a smile of his own right after. He didn’t need to keep up an act to make him feel like he was in control, he could let his guard down and he could share the control of the situation, knowing you wouldn’t take advantage of his vulnerability.

Most importantly, he felt like he could actually be himself around you, never on edge and actually relaxed for the first time in what felt like forever.

He quickly came to realize he didn’t just like your apartment because of its location, it’s height or it’s view, he didn’t care about the building or where it was located, he liked it because he liked you, and he was sure any room you set foot in would immediately become his favorite room in the city.

As he stepped into the apartment, he couldn’t smell the scent of freshly baked cookies, he couldn’t hear the sound of music coming from any room, and he couldn’t find you reading on the couch like he had heard most people found their significant others when they stepped into their homes. Instead, Kaz could see dirty knives on top of the kitchen table, previously blood stained clothes that had been recently washed hanging from the closest window, and an old ripped vest of his disregarded on top of the couch.

The only light shining on the apartment was the soft glow of the moon that painted shadows on the walls, and the only sound that resonated through the house were his own words once he spoke them. “Honey, I'm home.” His words were laced with sarcasm and they received no response from you. At this, he checked the main room and there he found you, asleep with one of his old shirts on, sleeping on his side of his bed like you always did when he hadn’t been home in a while. Looking at you, he couldn’t believe anyone would ever consider you a threat. The thought almost made him laugh: the most dangerous criminal in Ketterdam, wearing his shirt to bed and hugging his pillow.

He went to the closet first and opened the drawer in which you had told him to put his clothes, and changed into something more comfortable than his armor before slipping into the bed beside you, still keeping a distance.

You felt the bed sink beside you, and spoke to him without opening your eyes. “You’re late.” you said.

“Sorry ma’am.” he replied and you smiled, opening only one eye to take a look at his handsome face framed by messy hair.

“Was it the visit you paid me at work last week?” you said knowingly, he nodded. “I warned you.”

“Couldn’t help myself.” he shrugged. “Missed you too much.” you actually opened your eyes fully at the sound of that

“You big softie. What would the city say if they knew the bastard of the barrel had such a soft side?” you smiled.

“Thankfully, they won’t find out.” he narrowed his eyes at you.

“Maybe I'll tell them.” you teased.

“I won’t let you.”

“You can’t beat me in a fight.” you challenged, knowing that would get a rise out of him.

“Wanna bet?” He raised his eyebrows, almost smiling at you.

“I would, but you have nothing to offer me, I already have all I want.” you shrugged, as if what you said carried no real meaning behind it, but he knew better.

“Now who’s the one going soft" he said, as one of the corners of his mouth quirked upwards.

“Oh, shut up.” you say with a smile, closing your eyes and missing his own smile just by a second.

Moments later, he felt your pinky finger wrap around his own. Kaz’s aversion to touch hadn’t completely healed, for it was not something that would just go away overnight, no matter how much you meant to him. You didn’t mind, and you both had come up with ways of feeling close to each other without actually having to show physical affection.

However, one thing he found he was okay with, was you hooking one of your fingers around one of his own. In his mind, it was a child-like action, it made him feel like a little boy again and he hated that he couldn’t do more, but you loved the little tradition you had created, and you planned to carry on doing it until he was ready for more, not caring when that would be.

You had time, and you had each other. Everything else could wait.

a/n: requests are open for any soc character (and some s&b characters)!