#all i know is i cried a lot
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guess who had yet another dream about a friend dying
#that one felt so real too#it just twisted reality#the friend in question just retired so i don't see her around much anymore#but i do still plan to hang out with her and her husband during the holidays#well instead of having her be retired my brain said hey what if she was dead#and i was still invited over but it was just her husband (whom i also love dearly) and we were supposed to try and idk#grieve together? find comfort in each other ?#all i know is i cried a lot#and it felt so real because my brain really utilised all the real memories and feelings at its disposal#real grief for other people that it just redirected#well fuck you too subconscious#rain.stuff#tw grief#tw death mention
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10 years later
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#yuji itadori#fushiguro megumi#nobara kugisaki#itafushi#itafushikugi#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#least heterosexual group photo ive ever drawn tbh#u have the kings of subtle pda and their judgy lesbian third wheel#this does remind me a lot of the kind of art i used to do jhgdjghdfj#specifically that one furuba main trio piece i did forever ago. same vibe better art#anyway......i tried my best........ i tried so hard#i do not know how old they look . the goal was 25/26 but atp i've gaslit myself into thinking they look the same#especially megumi im so . throws hands in the air in defeat#but idk what else i can do cries at least i like it??? i think???????#i don't know!!! if they look younger than 25 whatever!!!!!!!!#why is it so hard fr me to make chars look older im gna slam my head against the door#maybe its fine. idc <- (lie)#in other news itfs are married fight me abt it . yuuji rockin the right hand ring fr Lack Of Finger reasons#also i am Eating nobara's fit . she might also look a bit younger than intended the more i look at her gDI why cant i have nice things#new hairstyle carrying tbh. i think she would a. grow it out and b. switch the side she parts it on to make Seeing easier#god just take it all tht really matters 2 me is low pony nobara and Rings On Fingers itfs#i did my time in yoi i know how to make wedding bands Work
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a couple scribbles i cleaned up. also i think i like drawing him in varying states of distress
#i desperately want to know what happened the first time he cried#actually is that something he can do? is he capable of it?#i feel like he wouldn't like it...#since crying is messy and we all know he enjoys/values his appearance greatly#i mean cmon. its an involuntary loss of composure. and especially if he doesnt understand what/why its happening#so in my mind rn hed be idk... kinda desperate to stop crying & act fine?#HES SO FASCINATING. WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM <3#many things probably!#what to do when you're a puppet created as a blank slate while everyone around you already Knows Shit and Understands Feelings#scribble salad#welcome home#welcome home puppet show#welcome home fanart#welcome home wally#wally darling#i know there's a lot of Head Empty jokes abt him#but honestly he gives the vibes of thinking constantly#always absorbing information and considering and learning and Forming Opinions#he LOOKS head empty. but he isnt.#i just cant imagine him never not Thinking#unless he really is head empty in which case. good for him. i support him no matter what. hes just like me<3
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things that are Too Much: both times lancelot dies, the last face he sees is merlin's, and the last thing he does is smile.
#bbc merlin#merlin#lancelot#merlin x lancelot#mercelot#lancelot du lac#the darkest hour#4x02#4x09#parallels#text: merlin#my text#no i still haven't made it to 4x09 in my rewatch bc i don't know HOW i could possibly do that to myself again#especially when lancelot's death has been hitting me harder the last few weeks than it ever did in all the years since i first#watched the show#but i /have/ watched the ending funeral scene#and cried#a lot#i could cry just seeing gifs of that scene#heck at this point merely /thinking/ of it might be enough
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Don't come to see me again. Throw them away for me. There's no point in keeping them. It's all in the past.
KISEKI: DEAR TO ME Ep. 12
#kiseki: dear to me#kisekiedit#kdtm#kiseki dear to me#ai di x chen yi#chen yi x ai di#louis chiang#chiang tien#jiang dian#nat chen#chen bowen#userspring#uservid#userrain#userspicy#userjjessi#*cajedit#*gif#do you ever Ow.#because man. ow#i think a lot about chen yi apologizing for not coming to visit him sooner and how that means#for the better part of a year he was sifting through himself#figuring out exactly how he felt and what he thought ai di felt before he could confront him#and then ai di was like 'it doesnt mean anything :)'#AFTER ALL THAT?#ALSO 'youre supposed to spend your birthday with the one you like' AND CHEN YI HOLDING UP THE EVIDENCE#OF AI DI TRYING TO SPEND THEIR BIRTHDAY WITH *HIM*#AND AI DI HAVING TO FACE THAT LIKE. SHIT. shit. chen yi knows. and then still trying to brush it off.....??......godddddddd...#like damn if i had been chen yi i'd have cried too
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A very self indulgent tatted and pierced up Ichimatsu thas it
#mr. osomatsu#ichimatsu#ichimatsu matsuno#ososan#osomatsu san#matsuno ichimatsu#my art#suggestive#piercings#tattoos#todomatsu#he's there verbally and spiritually but not emotionally cuz he's tired of ichimatsu's bs#he spends all his money on cat treats -- tattoos--and peircings#the tatts on his body cost a lot more than totty's phone and it pisses totty off lol#ichi: ''yknow monetarily my body is worth more than everyone here.''#totty: ''and yet you look the cheapest why is that? hmm? 💅''#ichi: ''bitter because you desperately want a tattoo but don't have the balls to commit to one huh?''#totty: *holding back tears* "f-fuk you.''#totty caves and finally gets a small tattoo on his thigh#he cries while ichimatsu holds his hands through all of it#ichi's so proud of his baby bro can't even tease him cuz he knows totty is being so brave about it#but also ichimatsu is an even bigger bitch when getting his tatts and literally passes out#every single time because needles man. But totty don't need to know that lol#choro: ''you can get a needle inserted in you for hours at a time but can't sit through one 1 min vaccination??''#ichi: ''it's not the same fappy. I get a cool forever art piece with a tatt. What do i get with a vaccination??''#choro: ''the avoidance of death and illness.''#ichi: ''exactly why prolong my existence here?''#choro: ''we really need to get you a therapist.''#a e i o queue#made and tagged this months ago and forgot i never posted it
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“hope you’re having pasta the way you like it up there”
#i’m full on crying#i don’t think there’s been a day where i haven’t cried over johnny and matthew#don’t even get me started on the picture of mony crying in their teammates arms#(i don’t know what a lot of cbj players look like don’t @ me)#they’re were truly brothers#i can’t even imagine what they’re all going through#mikael backlund#calgary flames#johnny gaudreau#matthew gaudreau
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im having one of the worst months of my life so i drew this thing to cheer me up
#it almost worked#i love him#the other small green op brawler who is too nice & cries a lot that i love with all my heart#deku#izuku midoriya#midoriya izuku#bnha#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#i love his all might scarf & i want it#we are both all might super fans#anyway worst month ever & im on the brink of mc-losing it#and drawing shonen is the only thing stopping me from#yk#:)#to add to it#one of my cats is suddenly very sick and we dont know why and we cannot take her to the vet because we are about to get evicted#so i draw anime to get one (1) taste of serotonin#jvart
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chimckens 🐓🌽
#sasha's art#traditional art#acrylic painting#artists on tumblr#chickens#i had a whole Journey with this one we cried we laughed (cried mostly)#i know this one isn't as good as my other stuff maybe? i don't get to paint a lot and it Shows lmao#HOWEVER#this one was also an Emotional one for me#i wanted to do something about the childhood Adventures i got to have with my maternal grandma#who always felt like we liked her Less than my other grandma cos of all kinds of insecurities she had#mostly related to money and class#but we were children we just loved her#and i regret not knowing this before she died and not letting her know how much she meant to me#anyways#this painting will live at my parents' place cos my dad asked if he can have it#and i am really glad my bf urged me a few years ago to start sharing my art with people again#first with friends then family then online#the encouragement from everyone means so much and i Love that my parents love my art and want to display it and show it to everyone#ough#anyways!! hope you enjoy it! i know i do!!!! even tho it's not Perfect!!#the joy of Creation overpowers the fear of imperfections!!!!!!!!!
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‘the children yearn for the mines’ is a little too real to me bc when i was a kid and my older siblings were trying to get me into pokémon i really never cared to try playing. BUT. i was obsessed with the underground mining minigame in dppt. i used to beg my sister to let me take a turn playing and set it up for me bc i didn’t know how to so i could go mine for gems nonstop until i cleared that entire cave section of glittering wall spots which always made me so sad bc i was having such a great time. i didn’t even understand the significance of what i was doing but 7 year old me was high off of it
#years and years later when i actually played platinum myself and it hit me like OH this is the game with the mining thing!!!#you have no idea how happy i was#…and also sad. it made me kinda heartsick bc in my childhood nostalgia dreams#my brother and sister used to play online together and do capture the flag#and their little minigame battles in the underground with their cool secret bases were so fun to watch#like that was back when the wifi connection was working and the games were alive and relevant#but i came back to it far far too late. when it was a mere relic and i was alone with no other players#still. hearing the music again brought a smile to my face#pokémon#dppt#i am once again rambling about my very special relationship to sinnoh#i didn’t play pokémon as a kid but also yes i did it was part of my childhood. like without really knowing much about it#the lil character sprites. hearthome city theme#the contests#the crunchy sound of the map opening#and the incomprehensible map itself#the bike and surf music#empoleon and staravia’s cries as they went to use surf and fly#truly. being a younger sibling watching your older sibling play has such an impact on you#it’s all nostalgic to me too i just didn’t know the full context of it myself back then#couple all this with the weird feeling of having played pokémon legends arceus as my first own game#and THEN going and finally checking out dppt#it was like double nostalgia. two different half-nostakgia experiences#just. agh i make fun of gen 4 for a lot of things but it is fundamentally my heart isn’t it#i also literally am incapable of talking about it for more than 5 minutes without bringing pla into it lol#pokeposting
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Shocking! Your most recent comfort character could not be a more worse person!
#this is more of a joke post but. you guys dont know the levels of hyperfixation Alastor brainrot ive been on#i have constant ideas for him and some of them really personal. theres jist a lot of things i cna think of that he works great for#ughhhh not me looking up 1920s attire and especially wedding shit and feeling all romantic ughhh#i need to post more alastor red string soulmate stuff cause it gets me all soft and sappy thinking about#BUT FR FR IMAGINE PICKING ALASTOR OF ALL PEOPLE TO BE YOUR 'what if he held me as i cried' BLORBO#yandere alastor who thinks your crying is reallt adorable and actively revels in your misery--
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written for @steddieas-shegoes as a follow-up to this "can you read the letter for me" post-breakup scene (@artaxlivs wrote a wonderful version over here for you to read!) cw: drug mention, OD mention
Steve's body doesn't quite feel like his own as he walks to the playground with his breath lodged firmly in his throat and his heart trying out an old beat that used to be familiar. It's struggling, though, and Steve tries not to think about it. The cold breeze of the night hits his face, making him shiver for more reasons than one.
He hasn't been to the playground for years now. It used to be their spot when they couldn't sleep, kept awake by nightmares and memories and the worst of scenarios. They would come here and sit on the swings, steal glances at each other and talk into the night air, pretending like the other wouldn't hear, and hoping that he would.
He first took Eddie's hand here, swinging as they were, and Eddie had chuckled through his tears, and then his smile hadn't left all night – nor did his hand.
Maybe it's a bad idea, meeting him here. After everything. But some part of him thinks that it might be what they need. If Eddie really is doing as badly as he said, if he really does need a break of several weeks, a tiny part in Steve (the part that would always put himself last as long as it means that the other person gets the tiniest bit of comfort) wants Eddie to have this.
Their little bubble. Or the memory of it at least.
Steve is shaking as he sits down on one of the swings, one of his hands wrapped around the cold chain, the other balled to a fist in the pocket of his jacket. He feels oddly tethered even as the world begins to sway this way and that, even as the breath lodged in his throat solidifies into a lump and he feels as though he's about to cry.
Maybe that, too, comes with the muscle memory of swinging.
He spends an odd second envisioning himself from twenty years ago, laughing and squealing with his friends as they tried to do a looping, and then jump right up into the sky above, see who got farthest.
It brings a smile to his face and a nostalgia to his heart that he hasn't felt in a while.
He feels like he hasn't felt anything in a while. And that he won't until Eddie will apologise. Until he will explain.
The steady squeak–squeak–squeak of the swing is almost eerie in the quiet of the night, but to Steve it brings a certain calm; a safety that he knows is treacherous, but he feels it tingling in his arms, because–
Eddie is there. Slow steps approaching, the gravel crunching underneath his feet that makes Steve want to look up, but, tightening his grip around the chain, he refuses.
I’m sorry for being too much and not enough at the same time.
He knows the letter by heart now, and he wants to see. He wants to see how much space Eddie will be ready to take now, how much he'll let himself be this time. It's unfair, he knows; Eddie's not fine, he should take a step towards him. And he is. He's here. He has agreed to meet with Eddie and hear him out. He has agreed to allow himself a chance at mending his own heart.
Steve feels so torn inside, in more ways than one, that he feels paralysed and petrified and frozen. Part of him wants nothing more than to leap up and take Eddie in his arms, tell him that they'll figure it out, that they can do it, that they can make it work. That second chances are just a thing that happen in life. That it doesn't have to be one and done.
That's another reason he won't look up. There are so many reasons.
"Hey," Eddie's voice cuts through his racing thoughts, though it sounds so gentle and fragile that Steve wonders if it's not Eddie who's been cut.
The steps have stopped, the gravel no longer crunching, and Steve can see a worn pair of Chuck Taylor's in his vision. Not Eddie's usual armour. It throws him off, makes him want to cry, makes him shiver in a way he can't blame on the breeze anymore.
"Thank you," he continues, sounding even more gentle, and Steve squeezes his eyes shut, no longer wanting to hear that voice, not when it sounds like that. So bare. So raw. So vulnerable. "Can I sit with you?"
Steve swallows hard, and doesn't have to consider at all. He nods. Gravel crunches again, then twin chains squeak, the old wood creaking and groaning a little above them, but Steve knows it'll hold. It always does. While Steve is gently swaying, one foot anchored to the ground, Eddie remains impossibly still.
Maybe they're both about to break.
After a while, Eddie speaks up again with the words that Steve has been longing to hear for four years. "I'm sorry."
They're not nearly as satisfying as he always hoped. The world is still broken.
"Okay," he rasps, not really knowing what he's supposed to say. What Eddie wants from this. What he wants from this. If either of them still have the right to want things.
"I had this speech prepared," Eddie continues, still entirely still aside from the way his voice wavers, his laugh a bit breathless and bitter at himself. "But... I didn't... I didn't think you'd come, to be honest."
"Funny," Steve says before he can stop himself, cutting off the rest before it can leave his mouth and make it worse than it is. Coming from the one who left.
"I'm sorry," Eddie says again, and Steve is already tired of it.
So he says nothing, and his silence seems to mute Eddie.
"What does it mean?" he asks eventually, still not daring to look over at the man who used to hold his heart in his hands and then threw it down the quarry before leaving town without another word for four years. But he can feel Eddie's eyes on him. "That you're sorry, what– what does that mean."
"It means that I..." Eddie starts and trails off, considering his words in a way that makes Steve wish he wouldn't.
Just tell me. Take up space. Be enough. Be too much. Just tell me.
"It means that I wish I hadn't left, but that I know I had to in order to find out that living without you is not living at all. It means that I know that I broke your heart and your soul and your future, maybe, for this need of mine to just... find out. To run away. To be someone I could choose to be. And, God, it wasn't worth it. None of it. And still it happened, still I did it, still I know that I just... I had to do it. Being the person I was then, it... I just. I'm sorry. You didn't deserve this. None of it. And if I could, I would turn back time and just tell you. Or sleep it off. Get help, talk with Wayne, anything. Anything that wouldn't lose me the... That wouldn't lose me you. And I'm sorry."
When Eddie finishes, his voice is hoarse, and Steve can't look away any longer. He opens his eyes and prepares to meet Eddie's beside him even in the dark of night, but he finds that Eddie is looking up instead, towards the sky where the moon is busy painting a cloud in silver light as it moves to cover it incrementally, and Steve takes a second to look back down at Eddie and watch him for a second.
His hands are clenched around the swing's chain, and they're shaking a little – so minutely that Steve's not sure if he's imagining it at all, but he feels like he knows Eddie enough to know that he's shaking, too. That they're in this together still. His thick leather boots are replaced with the worn, dark red Chuck Taylor's, and he's wearing a pair of jeans that aren't ripped at the knees. His black denim jacket is plain, no pins, no patches, no rips or tears or any sign of Eddie.
It leaves Steve feeling bereft, untethered once more; and isn't that unfair. It's not fair for Eddie to come here looking like this, looking so open and plain and vulnerable – how is Steve supposed to talk to him now. To talk at him, knowing his words will only meet armour. Armour that will make Eddie leave again.
How is he supposed to say anything when Eddie might not leave again. Or when he never came back in the first place?
"What happened to you?" he asks, the apology forgotten at this need to know. This need to protect, even after all these years. This need to be Steve and Eddie. If only just for the duration of a question.
Beide him, Eddie huffs and looks away from the now covered moon, meeting Steve's gaze with those big brown eyes that look so much bigger now. So much... sadder.
"I've spent all my life knowing who I didn't want to be. Knowing what to be against. Knowing what to hate. And then I– Then I met you. And I got to be someone for myself, you know? You let me be that. And I didn't see, I never... I never quite saw that, Stevie. Because that sad, scared, angry teenager part of me still wanted to hate and rebel and to leave and to be someone. And it didn't matter who, what kinda person, just... Just someone. So I left, and I– God, I lost myself. That self that you brought out. That self that wanted a life full of, like, love, y'know? Not hate. Not anger. Not... Not battle vest, leather armour, sticking it to the Man. But when I realised, it was too late."
"When did you?"
Eddie breathes out heavily. "Last year? Friend of mine OD-ed. Lou. Found her in the hotel, just..."
He breaks off, and Steve can see him blinking away tears just as he blinks away tears of his own.
"I called the band in this, like, full-on panic attack. Told them it was over. Told them I didn't want this anymore. They– They talked me down, because they're great guys. Helped me through it. All of it. Jeff told me to send the letter. Said, 'If you wanna find yourself again, Ed, you gotta start where you last had it, and you gotta start sending the letters.' Best fucking guy I know."
Eddie is smiling through the tears, telling all of this like it's not worth telling at all – like they're not both crying silent tears at it.
Like Steve's not understanding what he's saying. You made me into someone I liked being. and I did write to you, I just never sent them.
"You wrote me letters?"
Eddie nods. "All the fucking time. Wanted you there with me. Stayed sober for you until I... Until I couldn't anymore, because I'd left you, and I left this fucking swing set, and I... God, I'm so sorry, Steve." Eddie is really crying now, hands covering his face, and it's not really a decision at all when Steve gets up to stand between his legs, wrapping his arms around Eddie's shoulders and letting him cry into his chest.
Eddie wraps around him almost instantly, and Steve holds him, running his hands through his hair, shushing him gently, just allowing Eddie to cry for as long as he needs.
And I got to be someone for myself, you know? You let me be that.
You let me be that.
"I'm sorry," Eddie repeats, over and over, and Steve finds himself saying, "It's okay, Eddie, it's okay. I forgive you."
They stay like that for a while. Until Eddie calms down enough to breathe normally again, and even longer still before Steve slowly, gently pulls away – ready to move back in and hold him some more. Even though he shouldn't. Maybe.
"I'm sorry that happened to you," he says at last. "And I'm glad you're taking a break. Glad you sent that letter, too."
"Mm-hmm, me too."
Silence settles between them once more as Steve finds his way back to his swing; and that's when he starts thinking again.
"When you left, I was devastated. And I couldn't even tell anyone, not even Robin. It's like... It's like when you left, you took away that part of me, y'know? I didn't know how to talk about you. The words were gone, or something. And then you... You wrote your songs. And it was double unfair, because not only you get to leave, you also got to talk about it? To, like, thousands of people? I never... I still– it's.... It's like I still don't know how to talk about it. About you. Or to you. There are things I wanna say, but... You said them all, I guess. You got to say them."
"Steve," Eddie breathes, and he sounds just as devastated as Steve feels. "I never meant to– I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that."
"No?"
"No! No, you... No."
Their eyes meet again, and Steve swallows hard again. "Tell me."
"What?"
"What you were gonna say. What you want to say."
Eddie breathes deeply and lets it all out in one long breath. "You didn't deserve that," he says at last. "You deserve someone who treats you right. Someone who lets you be who you want to be, too, and who will bring you flowers, and who will buy you an Winnebago and get you everything you could ever wish for. You deserve someone who's not broken, someone who'll do anything for you because they realise that you're everything they could ever dream of and more."
Steve sighs and feels frustrated again, because Eddie still doesn't get it, Eddie still puts him on that pedestal and made him out of reach for himself to the point where he had to leave because Steve was already gone for him.
"Eddie," he says, and his heart breaks a little when the other man flinches a little at his sharp tone. "I don't ask for that, I would never ask for that, God. I just... I just want a simple, sometimes complicated, sometimes dramatic but ultimately worth it life. I want a– a boyfriend who will say weird shit sometimes because he's a fucking nerd, and who will discover things about himself when he's with me, and go to bed with that smile that tells me he's safe with me. And happy. I don't want anyone throwing away anything, I don't need anyone giving me everything, I just..." I just want you.
But the words don't quite make it past his lips, too much history forcing them shut. It's been four years.
"I don't want to make you into someone. I don't want the weight of that, the responsibility that one wrong look could make someone's entire life fall in on itself. I just..." I just want you.
And that's when he realises what he's always sort of known. That Eddie doesn't even need to ask for a second chance for Steve to hand it to him on a silver platter.
He stands again and comes between Eddie's legs again.
"I forgive you. But I want to talk. About all of this. Not just tonight, but every night. I want to know how I can help you, I want to start over, I want it to be right this time. I don't want you to ever run away again. I want you to talk to me, Eddie. And to take me with you next time you need to run. Because you don't get to run from me, okay? You don't– You don't get to do that, Eddie Munson."
Eddie looks up at him, the moonlight catching on the tears in his eyes, making them look even bigger, and Steve wishes he wouldn't look so small.
"You– But... But I'm so... broken." His hands flail a little, an aborted motion that shows nothing of his usual energy.
Steve's hands find his way to Eddie's cheeks if only to stop him from running away again.
"And I'm not gonna fix you. But I can hold you through it, and stay right where you need me to. That's what people do when–" He cuts himself off before he can say it.
But Eddie understands anyway if the way his eyes widen even more, welling up against the moonlight, is any indication at all.
"Still?"
Steve nods, his thumb stroking Eddie's cheek tenderly, wiping away the fresh tears. "Still. All you had to do was come back."
Eddie falls forward, then, and buries his face in Steve's stomach. It's not running away. It's quite the opposite, actually, and Steve holds him as long as he can.
The night is filled with many more tears as four years of anger and sadness and lostness finally find words to express them.
It's dawn when he says goodbye to Eddie at Wayne's new trailer, waving at the man drinking his coffee on the porch. Eddie holds Steve in a tight embrace for a whole minute before either of them are ready to let go, and only with the promise of Same place, same time tonight.
It's not a new beginning yet, but it's the closure they both need before the new beginning will happen in due time.
#hi if anyone else has written a part 2 for this (in a separate post or a reblog) pls tell me so i can link it too! <3#dio words#steddie fic#steddie#i may have cried a little writing this whoops idk i hope the emotions are there i'm not sure my words are back but this is the best i have#(and i don't hate it!!!)#not sure this makes a whole lot of sense tho??#all you had to do was come back <- that's just the kinda person i am you know
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sigh,,, hey guys
#based on the drawing i made during history class you know the one#um#i snapped. and made an animatic. but its okay#art#my art#animation#video#invader zim#nickelodeon#zim iz#dib membrane#zadr#zim and dib romance#mitski#my love mine all mine#sorry if some of it looks weird im tired i cried a lot today... over invader zim#im not gonna talk about it#BUT ANYWAYS. THEM
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Just to minimize my chances of being genuinely misunderstood OR deliberately misinterpreted, and crucified for something I don't think, How Dare You Say We Piss on the Poor website etc...I'm gonna say this right up top. I absolutely understand why people don't like Thessaly as a character, if anyone does completely unironically stan her as some kind of feminist hero who Did Nothing Wrong uwu, I personally see it as a bit of a red flag. I don't like terfs real or fictional. In a vacuum, I could even completely sympathize and agree with the people who want her cut.
HOWEVER.
It's really something to me to see people clamoring for her to be cut, because she carries and expressed an ugly indefensible prejudice (transphobia) in words towards (1) person. Meanwhile Hob fucking Gadling enacted one of the most violent forms of antiblack racism I can even think of against thousands no, millions of people, the ripple effects of which still affect billions more today. Just a little light idk, profiting off the fucking slave trade and had to be told by someone else that it was bad...and he's a fan favorite.
People are saying Thessally being Dream's love interest reflects badly on him or is somehow endorsement by the narrative (?!?!?!?!?!? Didn't she (SPOILER ALERT AS IF IT MATTERS BY NOW) help participate in his extended assisted suicide? She's not painted as a great person to me just another character what are y'all SMOKING whatever fine. It's fine this is fine.) But shipping Dream with Mr. Former Slaver is not only not verboten or frowned on widely in the fandom but its THEE most popular pairing by far. So...why the difference?
Like where are the same fans who are saying Thessaly shouldn't just be more clearly shown to be wrong, she shouldn't even be in the show at all when it comes to Hobert's crimes??? Yes, transphobia is indefensible. Isn't racism?
And I hear the cries of "it's fiction!!!" Already rallying (if anyone who needs to hear this even sees it lol) to which I say:
HORSESHIT. I KNOW you don't, deep down, really agree because if you did, why get upset about Thessaly being included??? Why does what she said to one person matter if it's Just Fiction You Guyze. Fictional characters are allowed to do bad things and fiction isn't reality sweaty....except when you only apply that standard to fictional racists you like and simp for, but fictional transphobes you don't are SO HARMFUL they shouldn't even be portrayed in fiction.
Like. Give me a big fat BREAK. This looks like bullshit, no? I'm sorry, but I'd love for someone to try and give any other explanation besides one personally offended you or hit home for you, and the other doesn't.
And if that bothers you or you feel like it says something negative about you...idk what you want me to say??? You can't control how other people perceive you and that's how people outside this majority-of-the-fandom bubble see it. You don't need to respond, I just wish and genuinely hope this gives you a moment to think about why fans who ARE bothered by both (and not just paying lip service to being bothered by the one but railing against the other) are so frustrated with people saying everyone is welcome but in practice only bending over backwards for the comfort and emotions of themselves, and people they can easily relate to.
You don't have to like Thessaly (I don't. I find her an interesting antagonist, I don't stan her. And frankly imo likability is not. the point of her character) but you'll pardon me for feeling more than a bit cynical and side eying people's motivations for what seems a...pretty obvious double standard, on what fictional crimes related to real world issues matter to y'all, and which clearly don't. Either actually bring the same energy to the table for fictional people who committed atrocities, even if against a group you're not part of and thus don't feel the need to empathize with, or just carry on, but accept that you don't have the SLIGHTEST room to talk about cutting characters who do immoral things. And you also need to accept that you look like a hypocrite when you do.
#thessaly#wanda the sandman#hob gadling#fandom racism#I could've cried sexism!!! Problematic Male vs Female Characters except 1) I don't actually think that's the main reason *here*#2) there are WAY better examples of that particular double standard in this fandom#also i can admit when I'm a bit of a hypocrite or was.#i used to dip my toes into the dreamling stuff too early on#but idk. It just got too sour seeing ppl whitewash (lol I know I'm a comedian)#what he did over and over. And I genuinely had started to wonder#if the show hadn't included that particular crime and I'd just imagined it from the comics because#my memory is shit sometimes and I guess I was naive. I *wanted* to believe someone would talk aboutit#if it had made it in. but ultimately i went back and checked and no#and seeing how the whole fandom behaving affected my non-white mutuals some of whom...#like these are my friends man or ppl I just respect and I can't just. Ignore their feelings and their pov#and act like they werent making points or it doesn't matter#like it's all just fun and games for everyone on the same terms. And seeing how easy it was#for everyone to ignore was so unsettling. I couldn't keep pretending it was just fiction and didn't affect anyone real#Call me a bully a t3rf apologist (fuck you and for the record. no)#a puritan or a Fancop (actually stop comparing#people disagreeing with you online to what cops do. For fucks sake you just make it look like nothing is really real to you outside fandom)#whatever man. Whatever helps you sleep. I'm just gonna block you#if you're clearly sticking your fingers in your ears. engaging with you is a waste of time and energy then#Hell I have sympathy for anyone who doesn't like thessaly#especially trans fans. Especially rn. But lbr that sympathy for a lot of the white trans/queer fans only goes one way!!!#never gets extended to anyone else's issues. Like THATSthe issue. And it's shitty!#(sorry this post is not about me in the confessional lol that's why I put this at the bottom#I just had feelings to get out and yes its my blog but i didn't want to clog the airways)
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Gotta say one of my Mentopolis finale highlights is honestly the fact that Fanny gets a happy ending too because I was genuinely a little worried about her
#really all of the endings were phenomenal I cried at the fix and pasha adopting the interests#and ending on imelda dropping by hunch's office again was so incredibly satisfying#but i would also like to put forward that fawning is also a valid response in certain situations!#and paring up with attention also makes a lot of sense and I know that anastatia will treat her right#also just considering the idea of attention being the mayor but also attached to the F family just feels very correct to me#dimension 20#mentopolis#dimension twenty#fanny fawnsworth#a. tension#m fanny#m tension#mentopolis spoilers#jack.txt
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tenth doctor being aroace is so important to me and i don't even know why. i love rose tyler so so much but i don't think the right end to her arc was 'kissing tentwo to show people they love each other' like YES THEY LOVE EACH OTHER. did rose want to kiss him, yeah sure i just don't think she wanted to be romantically involved with him yknow?? he'll love rose forever but that doesn't need to be romantic. like yes ten *gets kissed* a fair bit but idk. i just think he's aroace. and that's part of why i think he is so sad about river in the library episodes because he knows it's not *him* that she loves. that's why it's important that martha left him to be with her family and get married because she fancied him but she knew he 'didn't look at her' because he just... couldn't feel that. that's why it's so so so important about donna. that they both knew they were best friends. the ending of the giggle made me so so happy because he's living with donna because he loves her because they're friends. he didn't need to be *with* her to be part of her family or to love her completely.
#idk is this anything#i've only been into dr who for a little bit idk how popular this take is#cos i keep seeing a lot of content for rose esp that is *just shipping* and idk i'm just not seeing it#the s3 bit where he is human for a bit & falls in love with the matron joan and the flashes fo the future he *could* have with her?#yes i cried at that i fully sobbed#'what kind of man doesn't think falling in love will be an problem?' SOMEONE WHOSE AROACE IDK#ahhhh i don't know why i feel so strongly about this rn but anyways#dr who#doctor who#tenth doctor#fourteenth doctor#idk maybe if i watch it all again i'll see something else#aroace#<3
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