#all families have problems but that doesnt mean you can just deal with it bcs u dont have a choice

[homo-house]

hey uh so I haven't seen anyone talking about this here yet, but

the amazon river, like the biggest river in the fucking world, in the middle of the amazon fucking rainforest, is currently going through its worst drought since the records began 121 years ago

picture from Folha PE

there's a lot going on but I haven't seen much international buzz around this like there was when the forest was on fire (maybe because it's harder to shift the narrative to blame brazil exclusively as if the rest of the world didn't have fault in this) so I wanted to bring this to tumblr's attention

I don't know too many details as I live in the other side of the country and we are suffering from the exact opposite (at least three cyclones this year, honestly have stopped counting - it's unusual for us to get hit by even one - floods, landslides, we have a death toll, people are losing everything to the water), but like, I as a brazilian have literally never seen pictures of the river like this before. every single city in the amazonas state is in a state of emergency as of november 1st.

pictures by Adriano Liziero (ig: geopanoramas)

we are used to seeing images of rio negro and solimões, the two main amazon river affluents, in all their grandiose and beauty and seeing these pictures is really fucking chilling. some of our news outlets are saying the solimões has turned to a sand desert... can you imagine this watery sight turning into a desert in the span of a year?

while down south we are seeing amounts of rain and hailstorms the likes of which our infrastructure is simply not built to deal with, up north people who have built everything around the river are at a loss of what to do.

the houses there that are built to float are just on the ground, people who depend on fishing for a living have to walk kilometers to find any fish that are still alive at all, the biodiversity there is at risk, and on an economic level it's hard to grasp how people from the northern states are getting by at all - the main means of transport for ANYTHING in that region is via the river water. this will impact the region for months to come. it doesnt make a lot of sense to build a lot of roads bc it's just better to use the waterway system, everything is built around or floats on the river after all. and like, the water level is so incomprehensibly low the boats are just STUCK. people are having a hard time getting from one place to another - keep in mind the widest parts of the river are over 10 km apart!!

this shit is really serious and i am trying not to think about it because we have a different kind of problem to worry about down south but it's really terrifying when I stop to think about it. you already know the climate crisis is real and the effects are beyond preventable now (we're past global warming, get used to calling it "global boiling"). we'll be switching strategies to damage control from now on and like, this is what it's come to.

I don't like to be alarmist but it's hard not to be alarmed. I'm sorry that I can't end this post with very clear intructions on how people overseas can help, there really isn't much to do except hope the water level rises soon, maybe pray if you believe in something. in that regard we just have to keep pressing for change at a global level; local conditions only would not, COULD NOT be causing this - the amazon river is a CONTINENTAL body of water, it spans across multiple countries. so my advice is spread the word, let your representatives know that you're worried and you want change towards sustainability, degrowth and reduced carbon emissions, support your local NGOs, maybe join a cause, I don't know? I recommend reading on ecological and feminist economics though

however, I know you can help the affected riverine families by donating to organizations dedicated to helping the region. keep in mind a single US dollar, pound or euro is worth over 5x more in our currency so anything you donate at all will certainly help those affected.

FAS - Sustainable Amazon Fundation

Idesam - Sustainable Developent and Preservation Institute of Amazonas

Greenpeace Brasil - I know Greenpeace isn't the best but they're one of the few options I can think of that have a bridge to the international world and they are helping directly

There are a lot of other smaller/local NGOs but I'm not sure how you could donate to them from overseas, I'll leave some of them here anyway:

Projeto Gari

Caritás Brasileira

If you know any other organizations please link them, I'll be sure to reblog though my reach isn't a lot

thank you so much for reading this to the end, don't feel obligated to share but please do if you can! even if you just read up to here it means a lot to me that someone out there knows

also as an afterthought, I wanted to expand on why I think this hasn't made big news yet: because unlike the case of the 2020 forest fires, other countries have to hold themselves accountable when looking at this situation. while in 2020 it was easier to pretend the fires were all our fault and people were talking about taking the amazon away from us like they wouldn't do much worse. global superpowers have no more forests to speak of so I guess they've been eyeing what latin america still has. so like this bit of the post is just to say if you're thinking of saying anything of the sort, maybe think of what your own country has done to contribute to this instead of blaming brazil exclusively and saying the amazon should be protected by force or whatever

[yellowheartz]

'being abused can give you the mindset of "maybe i deserve this" no u dont' (i just fixed this part cus the tags got messed up and i reached the 30 tags limit-)

Aren loves his Dad, he does. But sometimes he has these conversations in his own head that maybe, it's alright to hate him a little. He quit being a delinquent when he had Aren so why would he let his own son go down the same path? If he loved him so much then why would he hit his kid and continue that until he grew up? Aren has this little dilemma and hates himself for thinking that about his own Father and beats himself up for it. One time the thoughts in his head gets so bad, he starts to tense and tries to stop himself from crying, he keeps berating himself that he should stop crying, that he shouldn't cry. But the tears kept coming and he hates himself even more. He's guilty for having this much hate for his Pops but he's so angry and hurt and he feels betrayed when he realizes all of this. In the end, because of this abuse that came from his father, he can't bring himself to hate him because he actually loves the guy and would rather hate himself than think that about the man that raised him. (some little good 'ol angst for me and you since you got me on the Rean Kuboyasu hate train)

*explodes*

(Side note happy birthday!! Idk if it’s today still but I hope your bd was/is amazing :))

This is so good, and very true. A lot of the times, with people who have cared for us, we see of it less of our right and more as a transactional thing, where we owe them now that we can pay them back. People don’t like change, and having to change your perception of someone is hard. It’s easier to hate yourself than hate them because the seeds for punishing yourself have already been planted by them.

I think for Aren especially it’s hard because all he knows is violence. He shouldn’t have been through any of it, but going through it at home probably solidified the idea that this was normal and okay. Everywhere for him was a battlefield, even at the place he was supposed to be kept safe.

[hisbutler-problematic]

On the topic of Sebastian being completely enthralled about everything Ciel is, I personally love it so much more knowing manga context, because O!Ciel was the 'spare'. He was not supposed to carry the family nane and, frankly, people didn't think he'd be capable of it due to his poor health anyway (Remember Frances and Vincent's conversation in the flashback chapters? It's obvious O!Ciel was quite saddened by what he heard).

By all means, in a twisted way, Sebastian might just be the first person to regard O!Ciel as someone deeply capable, a shiny singularity that doesn't live in anyone's shadow. The adults around him were - tho not unrightfully - seeing his fragility first and foremost while his brother, despite seeing him as worthy, didn't wish for him to leave and forge his own path. R!Ciel's reaction came from childishness sure, but that isn't to say that it didn't feed into the idea that O!Ciel was 'his backup'.

Going off from this, Sebastian is also the one thing in his life and is irrevocably his. Again, twisted, but all O!Ciel built has been under another's name. The manor, the company, the engagement etc. None of them truly his, but his brother's. And the other servants? They are loyal, however ultimately their own people. Sebastian? In an entirely different spot. He'll be there until the end after all.

This is an aspect of their relationship that tugs at my heartstrings so much. It's so toxic and depressing yet strangely soft and tender somewhat at least to me.

Sorry, I just really wanted to pour my thoughts and I appreciate your posts. So here I am!

anon, i’m in love with you

i literally think about this all the time like. that conversation frances and vincent had? imo vincent just flippantly saying "i guess ill just have to give the estate back to the queen lmao" could be taken 2 ways which is: at face value OR (what i think is more likely) vincent just saying what he knows will piss frances off to get her to stop talking. tbh vincent seems like a good dad imo and like he doesnt super underestimate o!ciel (he seemed absolutely fine with the idea of o!ciel going off to london by himself and opening a toy store in the future), but he DOES know that o!ciel is frail and sickly, and it makes me wonder how seriously he considered the idea that o!ciel might inherent the title of the queen's watchdog.

honestly, i feel in some respects, r!ciel treats o!ciel more carefully than their parents. he very much has an attitude of "my baby brother NEEDS me, he cannot survive without me!!" (gasps and shock, to learn it is actually the other way around /s)

all this to say, whether you lean more towards my interpretation or yours, or a fun mix, or whatever, it is undeniable that all of o!ciel's relationships were 'tainted' (for lack of a better term) by his illness and the way it made others view him and treat him.

AND THEN COMES SEBASTIAN

sebastian, who takes one look at o!ciel, and goes "lmao what a fucked up lil dude. time for little a snacky". sebastian, who then sits down to forge a contract with said little dude only to realize Oh Okay So This Child Is Clever. And o!ciel being sickly does kind of come up when they're making the contract, but sebastian focuses more on the actual logistics of that and o!ciel says 'nvm we'll deal w it when it comes up' (which is hilarious imo. he really said a sudden chill can put me on my deathbed but thats a problem for future me).

and then it turns out o!ciel is hella sheltered. but also a huge bitch.

and at this point, all i can assume is sebastian is so bewildered by this experience that the fact that o!ciel is frail and sickly and fragile is like. just another thing about this kid. o!ciel has never made sebastian's life easy and it would be stupid to think he would start now, sebastian thinks as his young master suffers from yet another cold just bc it rained yesterday. "i never knew you had asthma" says sebastian, who has read every medical journal to date on chest colds. "you never asked," says the bane of sebastian's existence.

and the thing is you can say "sebastian is only worried about o!ciel bc if o!ciel dies, he loses his meal" which is true and accurate and tbh if i was sebastian and i had put up w that much, i wouldn't want to lose my meal to a mere cough.

BUT ALSO

then you see the way sebastian is so fascinated and intrigued and bewitched by o!ciel. i think to sebastian the fact that o!ciel is frail and sickly is just another contradiction in the sea of contradictions that makes o!ciel so fascinating. and i think sebastian is the only one who really sees all those contradictions, he's the only one who sees everything that makes up o!ciel. and he loves what he finds.

(not to mention the fact that sebastian is the only person o!ciel allows to see his every aspect. or, well, some he tries to hide, but only because he thinks sebastian will try to use something against him. either way, sebastian is still the only person who he lets see the most of him. because sebastian is the only person who knows who he really is, who he doesnt have to put up a front for. he doesn't have to pretend to be his brother, he doesn't have to worry about being the spare.)

[lemmetreatya]

Husband!Reiner x Black!fem Reader

this isnt as hunky dory as i initially thought this to be but i think its still a valid insight into life with rei. surprisingly ive been having a lot of news, convos and experiences with various people in my own life about marriage and children so i guess this post was a subconscious embodiment of that. either way, enjoy 🫶🏾

Husband!Reiner knows he lucked out in bagging you and he absolutely adores people coveting him. everytime he tells someone hes cuffed, he literally cannot wait to show them a picture of you

Husband!Reiner always spoils you when it comes to bringing home gifts. Its rare that he ever comes home empty handed. more times than less he’s entering in with your favourite snacks or maybe a bracelet he thought suited you whilst he was on break earlier in the day

Husband!Reiner isnt picky when it comes to food. that man would eat just about ANYTHING you feed him and say how its the best thing hes ever tasted. not that youre a bad cook, but he’d find a way to praise even the simplest of meals.

“god, baby, this so good!” reiner’s cheeks were bulging full of food whilst he gave his compliment.

with a sweet laugh, you shook your head whilst opening a beer for him by cocking the tin lid with an opener.

“its literally just rice and stew. you eat it all the time by now.” placing the bottle next to his plate, you bent down to kiss his forehead.

he made a grunt of disagreement.

“dont change the fact that it’s always so good!”

Husband!Reiner is quite reserved when it comes to intimacy and sex. the furthest he’d go in terms of public displays of attraction is hold your hand or a quick peck on the cheek. he’d occasionally lean his chin on your shoulder when in the presence of other company.

however, in the private presence of each other, his attitude towards public reservations has never stopped him from pulling you to the side for a quick fuck before you go out with the girls or letting you go down on him once parked outside his family home for a visit.

Husband!Reiner isnt the best with chores. He tried to help in the past, and has the utmost purest intentions when offering his help, but his standard of clean isn’t the same as yours and so you believe you’re better off just doing everything yourself.

Husband!Reiner is really handy with manual labour tho!! if anythings broken around the apartment hes more than happy to get on it right away. if hes unsure how, he’ll find a tutorial on youtube and work it out from there

Husband!Reiner helps with all the tricky stuff with your hair. whether it be helping you to twist it before bed, wash day or being a live wighead for you to style your pieces — he’s available.

he learnt especially for you but always says if he’s possibly going to have a black daughter one day then hes gonna have to learn.

Husband!Reiner wants kids. its one of the few things the two of you disagree on and several arguments have lead out from that. he loves kids in general but he gets particularly broody whenever he babysits or goes to visit his baby cousin gabi.

it also doesnt help that Husband!Reiner has a particular breeding kink. hes okay with you going on BC because that’s your business and it means he can bottom out anytime! but it does sadden him that in result it means he cant give smol gabi a playmate

“i just think it’d be nice for her to have someone to play with!” he said as he tooths another parting in your hair with the metal rod of the comb. he gingerly took a scoop of hair grease from the tub before layering it down onto your exposed scalp.

“but rei, thats not your— our —responsibility to deal with. its her parents job to give her a sibling if need be so you gotta stop stressing about it like it’s your problem to solve.”

the man was quiet for awhile as he continued to grease your head. when he sighed, he looked over at the two of you within the mirror.

“i know.” he said after awhile. “i just…i never had any siblings or cousins growing up, you know? i don’t know if id want her to go through the same thing i did.”

Husband!Reiner is very family oriented. even though its just the two of you, he still tries his best to make the most of holidays and time off. he always insists you have at least two ‘holidays’ to yourselves a year — sometimes abroad, sometimes on an excursion or even just a spa weekend away. that way when it comes to festive holidays, there isn’t a feeling of fatigue from NOT spending time with each other, meaning you can spend it with extended family and not feel drained from lack of timeout

Husband!Reiner smokes as a habit rather than a coping mechanism. his favourite brands are malboros but you absolutely hate the fresh smell of the smoke once hes come to you after one. he doesnt smoke as much as he did when you first met him.

(back then, he promised to ween off of them if you were to give him a chance! — he did for awhile but after he got closer to the Jaeger’s around a year ago, he picked up the habit again. that’s another thing you two argue about)

“reiner, that fucking stinks. get the fuck outside with that shit, i’ve told you about smoking that nastiness inside here.” you say, flailing your arms by your side as you walk into the living room.

turning around with a face of confusion, reiner spoke slowly in a low tone.

“but i literally am outside, im on the balcony.”

“then close the door! all that smoke is coming inside and it’s stinking up the place.” you exclaimed.

“but i wanna watch the match at the same time.” reiner pointed towards the tv but you could only shrug.

“watch it through the window then.”

“but then i wouldn’t be able to hear the tv!”

“reiner james braun, i swear—”

reiner didn’t want, nor wait, to hear what else you had to say to him. with a grumble beneath his breath, reiner complied and leaned backwards to slide the balcony door shut, the action slightly shaking the walls.

Husband!Reiner is hospitable but mostly for people he’s used to. he loves setting up gatherings for your friends to come round and enjoy each other’s company. since uni, a lot of you haven’t been able to see each other a lot but reiners a bit like the glue that keeps everyone in touch

however, since all of you know each other from around the same time (and because they paired the two of you up!) your friends sometimes felt responsible for your relationship and were weary of any ‘threat’ made towards it

“you two thinking of extending the family anytime soon?” mikasa said, her voice hushed as you, her and annie sat on the balcony and away from the bustle of everyone else inside

you made a noise of surprise at her inquiry.

“actually, we have been! i was thinking of getting either a cat or a puppy. im not too keen on dogs but they say if you nurse them from young, you can get them to behave really well.” you deflected as your mug of hot beverage made its way to your lips.

with an amused hum, annie side eyed you.

“you know thats not what she meant.” she said as she took an inhale of her cigarette. “she’s talking about kids and you know it.”

as soon as annie spoke, your mood suddenly soured. with a huff you looked up towards the night sky.

“why does everyone keep asking me this question? im sure no ones asking pieck and porco this shit and they’ve been together longer than us. or you and bertholdt! so why is it me thats always being asked this stuff?”

mikasa shuffled awkwardly in her seat. hugging the blanket she had over her higher towards her chin, she made a dejected sound before speaking. from that alone, you knew she was reluctant to say her next words.

“yeah but…you dont see either of them loudly proclaiming their contrasting ideas. all of them have decided between each other what they want and seem at peace with that. but reiner’s like…the broodiest man ever and never fails to remind us. the fact that you two dont have kids yet means there’s obviously a hold up on your behalf.”

at mikasas bold words, a dry laugh left your mouth. was this seriously the conversation you were having right now?

shrugging your shoulders, you gave her a wild look

“so?! is it such a bad thing for me to not want them? why’s everyone coddling around reiner and his needs of wanting kids? whys no one thinking of me — the person whos gonna have to carry said child and be their primary care giver — who says im ready to give this life up for that?! why’s no one taking my choices into consideration?”

softly hopping in her seat, mikasa briefly hid her face behind the blanket before pouting over at you.

“i am taking you into consideration! and i know! and im sorry for bringing it up again. eren put me up for asking because he says hes sick of reiner’s whining in the guy’s groupchat. you know im on your side regardless.”

mikasa laid her hand over on your exposed arm, her face laced with remorse but you couldn’t help but feel a twinge of discontent at the knowledge that reiner was vocal to your friends about you not wanting children.

blinking forwards, you could only weakly shrug. even though mikasa had given her reasoning for asking, you still couldn’t help but feel slightly betrayed

“i know, man but just… miss me with that bullshit. i know what im saying when i say i don’t want em right now.” you mumbled, now feeling more conflicted than before.

that night, you and Husband!Reiner have a bit of a honest conversation about how reiner talks about the whole kid thing with his friends. hes very quick to assure you that he doesn’t talk bad about you behind your back but tells them that he cant have them right now when you have a contrasting opinion to him

you personally dont have a problem with that because these were your friends too — theyed be quick to g-check reiner if he ever said something less than positive about you and then report it directly to you

but for the sake of the situation and with how sensitive it was, you asked reiner if he could refrain from sharing that personal aspect of your life with them

“i know i’ve said it way too many times now but im truly sorry for all this. mika was wrong for asking you that.” reiner says as you lay under his arm. you found solace by burying your face into his side.

“well i dont blame her. if you’re constantly telling people in the groupchat that kinda stuff then yeah, of course they’re gonna feel like they have to intervene. they’re our friends and they only want the best for us.”

you could really tell reiner was thinking this all over in his head by the way he made subconscious groans.

when he had finally made up his mind, he slightly bent down to kiss your forehead.

“yeah i guess so. i wont bring that stuff up again, im sorry for putting you in that position, baby.”

the two of you laid up next to each other, and went on to talk about other miscellaneous things. however, just when you were about to fall asleep, you tiredly mumbled into reiner’s skin.

“its not that i don’t ever want kids. i just…not now, rei. im still very much enjoying life with just the two of us. kids are hard work and a lifelong commitment. everything i know and do will have to change from here on out and i just dont think im ready for that kinda burden yet.”

with a lethargic hum, reiner nods his head.

“yeah, i get you.” he mumbles.

although Husband!Reiner still wants kids, he agrees to getting a puppy in the mean time. he says he might as well get the practice while he waits.

surprisingly Husband!Reiner is in absolute adoration of the new bundled edition. the pup is boisterous and hyper but listens to commands well and learns quickly

the puppy is even more enamoured by smol gabi who always seems to have either its tail or ear within her chubby small hands. still, the puppy only sees it as a bunch of fun

Husband!Reiner isnt perfect, and definitely has so many flaws where he needs to fix up on but he’s trying and he really does love you so you’re okay with working him through all of that.

[hibiscussoupbowl]

Yk what ive already made all my statements abt the teen wolf movie on instagram but imma say it here

As much as i love and breath teen wolf, its not the perfect show which is fine bc recognizing that is what makes its good. The thing is the movie? Godawful. The one thing i can appreciate is that the movie had an opening and the graohic design was cool

My problems with it?

-the plotline being abt allison. I think alisson (is it allison or alisson?) Is a fine character especially in s3, however, you killed her off. That whole s3 ending was abt her dying and isaac leaves BECAUSE of allison dying. Now ur gonna reopen that plotline that was TIED OFF? Ur not even gonna get stiles or isaac back into play even tho theyre arguably the most important for that season. And ur not gonna tell us how s6 ended??? Even with a flashforward of 2 years??

-the fbombs. Im sorry, what? U make a show that doesnt use f bombs at all and u make it creepy and horror but when u make the movie thats r rated meaning u can go even harder... u use it on fbombs? Might i add in the worst way possible. "Darkness motherfucker" wow. It just sounds so cringey. Either use it once meaningfully or dont drop one at all. U managed to make s3 be creepy without it do it again

-why the absolute fuck was liam in japan. By the hour and a half mark that question wasnt explained and it never was. Him and this girl hikari (whos gr8 actually) are just in japan and i guess own a bar??? I dont even know what they are to eachother let alone how they ended up there. I only knew that they love eachother bc they say that in jpn but like still??? Is it a sibling ily or a were dating and ily?

-the actors. Im sorry but if ur gonna get all these actors like masons and parrish and malia and whoever but u give them like what one line? Mason had legit like 2 lines in that movie. And u dont even know how he beacme a police officer! He just is! And they dont even say anything abt corey??? U could easily get his actor i know he aint doin anything rn. Liam and hikari? Also have like 3 lines in the movie

-personal thing lol but not everyone looks good with a beard and a shaved head

-lydia and stiles. Just bc u coudnt get dylan obrien cuz hes like the most succesful does NOT mean u just break up the couple that u built for six. seasons. You couldve said literally anything you couldve said stiles was dealing with some fbi shit or another supernatural disaster. Lydia having the dream? Tragic but stiles wouldnt have cared bc he loves her and wouldve just wanted to be with her forever.

-how can u not tell us who elis mother is. We ALLLL wanna know who derek banged im sorry but he slept with the enemy like three times and with his history and family history everyone just wants to know who it was.

-dereks death. WHAT THE FUCK this man survived a *pipe* going thru his back for like 10 minutes and survived, got brutally slashed and survived and ur telling me he died by magical fire. Sure teen wolf sure.

-if ur gonna introduce a character like alec in the season finale, bring him into play somehow recast him idc but do smt. Even nolan! Someone !

-what was with the whole nogitsune temple thing?? It was so... not scary at all and it looked bad. Like idk it was just so kiddy. Like oh noooo we re trapped bc we re tied to a pole with rope -_-

-sorry but again why continue a plotline that has been tied off? And not continue with the one that was open ended when u cant even get the significant actors for the s3 plotline? Bring daniel sharman into play, medicis over he has the freetime.

-malia and scott breaking up is also stupid bc again they were "endgame" and they had no reason to break up other than the fact that allison was alive again and for plot reasons.

-harrison coming back was so stupid i was so glad they killed him off even tho i guess they never found his body. I was hoping

-are argent and melissa not dating anymore? Its been like 3 months since ive seen the movie so i dont rememeber that but if they arent, why are the writers/producers, whoever, so desperate to break up everything great they had goin at the end of the show.

The interesting parts of the movie were

-the intro

-elis backstory with his dad, except why would u hate derek its literally tyler hoechlin

-and scott having an animal clinic bc i think thats funny

[mojaves]

alone, fear and hunt for literally all four ocs u mentioned in the tags. aka alex, ryan, seb and andy hehe :3c

ik you asked for all four but that will kill me dead so i am doing this for alex and andy entirely bc of the loneliness question and i have too much to say about it

alone: How does your OC deal with loneliness? Have they ever been completely alone before? How do they act when there's no one around to see them?

the thing about Alex is he always craved isolation. didnt ever manage to figure out how to communicate his needs with people, not that anyone would have listened anyway. he Wanted to be alone. it wasn't fun. it was cold. sad. empty. but he much preferred that over being overwhelmed. and then he died alone. for a few days no one even knew he'd gone missing, and by then it was already too late. and now he's finally been granted isolation, he wants nothing more than to Live. to enjoy the life he denied himself. to surround himself with people he loves. he craves it SO bad. but he always pushes everything away!!!!! he's scared!!! the loneliness has become too comfortable!!!!! basically: he's not coping very well

for andy, he got thrown into arasaka when he turned 18, into a role too big for someone so inexperienced and so young. he had to leave his family and friends behind. now being a corpo, everyone's in it for themselves, anyone will stab you in the back for the most petty reason ever. you have to walk on eggshells around everyone. so his loneliness was a defence mechanism. and he hated it!!! but he had no choice!!! he couldn't quit. couldn't go back home. it drove him insane and he threw himself entirely into his work to push the feeling to the back of his mind. and jesus christ it ruined him alright.

fear: What is your OC's greatest fear? What do they do when confronted with it? Are they open with their fear, or do they hide it away?

alex is scared of forming relationships and bonding with people!!! he never got the opportunity when he was alive. avoided it by any means necessary. he never listened to anyone, so never learned how to be like. Respectful. Friendly. he built up a wall so high it probably reaches the moon at this point. he has to acknowledge this every damb day of his life, and somehow just. carry on. he doesnt talk about it, because he Has no one for that. he doesnt know anyone like that. so he keeps it all locked away. which makes him Worse!!!! neverending cycle.

andy is. scared of a Lot of things. people, relationships, falling hard back into old habits, his past coming to bite him in the ass, when the time comes where he has to face the consequences of his actions. what he's done has killed a lot of people, and he's definitely a huge target on a lot of lists. but there's not really anything he can do about that. he has to keep going, he's not gonna cower away from the world like his brother did,,, he just has to push forward. somehow. he hates every second of it... but he's finally getting the chance to Live now, which is not something he ever thought he'd have, and he doesnt want to compeltely ruin that for himself.

hunt: Who or what is your OC hunted by? A person, a feeling, a past mistake? Is your OC able to let their guard down, or are they constantly alert?

alex has been hunted all his life, in a way, by a distant family member who died decades before alex was ever born, and is one of the reasons why he died in the first place,,, she just wanted a son, and latched onto him at the earliest possible opportunity, which caused a Lot of problems for him growing up, and even after dying he cannot escape it. he's also followed by grief, everywhere he goes. that's basically his job, if i had to describe it in one word. all he ever sees is death. he also has to grieve the life he never had, every single day. he hasnt let his guard down in so long he's forgotten what it felt like

andy is always reminded of his past mistakes,,, nightmares, a LOT of nightmares. every single time he looks in the mirror, and goes to work, and sees the people who have been Directly affected by his actions. theyre still alive, doing their own thing, living it up as best they can... but that doesnt make what he did right. it doesnt make it excusable. he KNOWS!!! theyre not gonna forgive him. and they dont have to. he's not expecting that,,, it wont change what happened. all they can do is move forward in spite of it all. and also he's dating one of the ex test subjects AND an old co worker. So!!!!!!! he's doing something right.

[gr1evance]

villian mentioooooon. can you tell me more about him I love the funny bunny

I FORGOT TO POST THIS ASK I HAD IT SAVED AS A DRAFT OOPS LMAO

YEEEES ID LOVE TO. ok so like i've talked about in long posts about starb, his introduction in starb's story was interrupting one of him and russian roulette's spats and saving starb, leading to the two of them talking more and forming a connection. they kind of got romantic first and then did the weird business partners stuff? but it generally all happened around the same time. i've explained the whole stuff with that, he has a big ego and was using starb who already has a history as a decently well known hero to boost his image, starb was unhappy with just being his sidekick and eventually things came to a head and they actually talked abt it yada yada.

he comes from a wealthy white family.. his parents and all other family members are actually entirely human, he just has some weird recessive rabbit genes LMAO. the collaborative universe he's from is of course about people living in a world with superheroes and superpowers and the like so weird genetic shit like that can just happen. mostly he's a rabbit in a human family because i think it's really funny. his father was a semi famous hero before he was born, and he shares the exact same powerset as him. he REALLY really wants to live up to his father's image and puts a lot of pressure on himself for it.. at a pretty young age he developed this kind of walled off ego that he has, a lack of regard for how other people feel, as a result of being spoiled by his family and also a little bit as a way to deal with insecurities stemming from him being a rabbit and also figuring out that he's gay while being surrounded by similarly rich and petty peers.

so back to him and starb- his bad habits of taking advantage of people and disregarding others' feelings has him ending up in a relationship with someone he is actively using... almost like a dress up doll? i mean he literally changed starb's outfit (very integral to his character, mostly he's autistic and doesnt like wearing other clothes) to fit in more with his own and took him from being his own sustained hero to now his sidekick. he doesn't act totally maliciously, often i don't think he realizes he's doing things that hurt people just because he doesn't really think about it. he just acts in his own interest and then faces the consequences later and because of the environment he was in for most of his life he's never really been told No or that what he's doing is wrong. and it takes starb- who usually avoids confrontation as much as possible because he wants to be the most polite person in the room- actually kind of snapping at him to get him to realize what he's doing. i actually have written things about this storyline i may share someday! i've just never been sure how bc its like almost 7000 words and in all my privated stuff on toyhouse.. but i do still think it's good writing.

it's been almost two years since the big stuff with him and starb. starb is incredibly forgiving and also just has weird things in his brain about love and romance and didnt want to break up with villian, so the two of them ended up staying together and it's definitely better and good for both of them. starb is very much trying to like. teach villian how to be a better person and to give others more thought and sympathy and i find their relationship in that way very amusing. villian has a lot of repressed guilt about all the kind of stupid and rude shit he's done in the past and it's built itself up into that old insecurity he was originally trying to run from. it doesn't really help that he's the boyfriend of a man who's already married, which wouldn't really be a problem, but he's kind of like tesla's chewtoy a little bit and it makes him embarrassed. i enjoy examining why he acts the way that he does and how he's going about that guilt and insecurity in ways that aren't using other people to make himself feel better. and also having him examine his own personal like. biases and privileges now that he's dating someone with a weird gender who's openly a communist and known by a lot of people. it's just interesting to me!

i also like playing with his gender mostly in aus, i find him transitioning to be more of a show of confidence and getting over that insecurity than actually him like. Needing to be trans necessarily. he could be happy as anything i just view him transitioning as just him playing around because he actually feels comfortable with who he is enough to do so. i don't really have anything concrete about this there's no real place i'm actually doing it in i just like to rotate it

there's also an au of him in a minecraft roleplay campaign where he's infected with sculk and he's just really depressed and desperate to get back to starb and stuff. fun to play with him in a scenario where he hasn't had the chance to fix himself before being pried away from the one thing motivating him to do so and to watch him try to cling to anything he can

here's some images of him i like also :3

art by apotheoseity, pbjpuppy, sixofheartz, and lame-4-u!!

[entropy-sea-system]

A lot of people online have been saying that narcs can and should recover. I know that that statement is ableist towards pwNPD, but I wanted to ask someone with the disorder why it’s untrue from personal experience.

(Sorry for bad wording, English is not my first language)

Well I would say recovery is not possible for everyone, if someone wants to recover from npd they can attempt it if therapy is accessible for them though, thats not really ableist. It is ableist to act like thats possible for everyone though, or to act like therapy is always accessible to everyone. This also overlaps with classism and other forms of bigotry because there are barriers to accessing therapy.

Also I do think it is kind of weird they refer to pwNPD as 'narcs' with that phrasing. Some of us do reclaim the term but if egotypicals just use it like that its a little weird and implies they see us as bad since they often use 'narc'/narcissist in a derogatory manner to refer to basically anyone they armchair diagnose as having NPD bc theyre an abuser or somehow just 'unlikeable'.

Even if people with npd do go to therapy, there are unfortunately many professionals who are very ableist towards people with npd and see us as a 'lost cause' or even believe that 'narc abuse' exists - more professionals in psychiatry and psychology should really learn to respect people with npd and should know how to work with us if we decide to go to therapy for it.

Some people with npd may want to recover if they dont feel able to function well at all and they arent able to cope well with their symptoms, and thats okay. Some people may just fundamentally want to be egotypical even if their NPD doesnt necessarily harm themself a lot. It shouldn't be something we are forced to do though, and we can obviously have npd while still respecting others. Some may also not get a choice as people are coerced into undergoing therapy or institutionalised, which is another problem.

One thing I dislike about the whole idea that we should go to therapy and that therapy will magically get rid of our NPD, is that egotypicals (people without npd) tend to ask that we do this for THEIR sake. They can't handle people with npd even existing and don't want to deal with us. They assume we are all doomed to be abusers. They don't seem to give a shit about how WE are negatively impacted by having npd when they say this. It sounds as if they just want npd to somehow be erased from the world.

Either way, peoples autonomy and rights should be respected regarding therapy, and one can go to therapy if they wish. But there is no guarantee therapy will get rid of a personality disorder, and one may need to see a few therapists or counsellors to find one that truly helps them, and there is a safety risk to seeking psychiatric care for many people.

Recovery is not impossible, but people should go about it at their own pace if they seek it and take precautions as professionals in mental health may harm them, and sometimes it means more that you learn ways of coping with your personality disorder (such as skills taught in Dialectical Behaviour therapy) than exactly that it will disappear entirely. We have not gone to any therapy that helped us so far, but if we do, when its safe to for us, we would be cautious about it and gather a lot of information on who we consider as potential therapists or counsellors.

NPD itself cannot exactly be prevented, on another note, some factors that can influence someone developing it, like genetics, environment one grows up in, and trauma, etc. just are not very preventable. Maybe if societal power structures such as the family unit were not given as much power, abuse rates would reduce and there would be less incidence of trauma, but this would not exactly prevent it entirely and would be difficult to actually enact. And Im not sure if the people who want to prevent it just want people with NPD gone in an ableist way, or if they actually give a fuck about our suffering.

I have known of other pwNPD who do go to a counsellor or therapist. I was in a space with other pwNPD and some of them were genuinely helped by therapy - but those people still had NPD, therapy just helped them cope with it. There are probably people who recovered from NPD after therapy, I havent personally met any such people, but I have seen one person claim they used to have NPD then just didn't anymore without even any therapy, not sure how exactly that worked but yeah.

Anyways, the point is, NPD or any other personality disorder is variable like this and it cannot be said for sure that therapy always exactly gets rid of the disorder entirely or is safe for us. And this is often applicable to other mental illnesses and neurodivergence too. Its not ableist to say people can pursue recovery if they want it, but enforcing it as mandatory can err towards ableism, especially if its along with false beliefs about what therapy can do.

[milimeters-morales]

me rambling under the cut

one of the least bad/most annoying side effects of atsv is how much it fucks over my thinking process when i’m trying to write a more realistic way of miles meeting up with people and friends from other worlds while being a student + spider-man + having a family that likes to spend time together, esp since i like to throw some comic characters into the mix. like it seems easy right? open a portal and go say hi. except you have to still plan ahead, because i have the times set different (for example peter is 30 minutes ahead and pavitr is an entire 12 hours), everyone has lives outside of being a vigilante (though gwen and margo give me the most freedom with this), and sometimes people just don’t wanna hang! don’t get me started on the portal itself, which you need to find a hidden spot to open and then take a few seconds to go through, to another side that you aren’t sure of the exact location. did you see the way the portal to pavitr’s world had Miles? and the way the go-home-machine sent gwen flying? of course, those are two diff types of portals, & there’s a workaround to everything, but it’s still a lot to consider and it just results in me taking forever to actually get shit down on paper. oh my god and the subtle tells of shit being resolved after btsv (bc i am not dealing with that) making the characters seem too ooc when they technically aren’t. bc it could happen. i’m always losing the idgaf war i love details i love hypotheticals and i love hidden meanings

another thing that isn’t canon and is just me making it harder for myself is me adding in anxiety and autism and a weird learned social behavior into the mix for miles. sure, guys and girls hang out. sure, they can be just friends. but he’s a guy who LIKED gwen and his parents don’t have the best first impression but are generally okay with her, and he’s at the age where all his girl friends will be teased as possible girlfriends by damn near everyone he knows. so it’s reasonable for him to not be around her while also around other people who don’t know the two of them like that, because dealing with that shit is exhausting AND embarrassing, stuff we both know Miles doesn’t like even if he can move on pretty quickly. so i expect him to sorta be like “nahhh… my cousins are here and… look let’s just hang out next time pleaseeee” and here’s where the anxiety and autism come in. miles (atsv) is not the type to care about how people view him based on his friends, and autism will result in him missing a lot of social cues but it’s kinda obvious to me that he doesnt miss the more romantic ones when it comes to gwen and how people view them together. this doesn’t help though because he doesn’t know what the do about it! he KNOWS the right thing: don’t let others get to you and work your shit out with gwen the way you know is right. but the anxiety makes him overthink about how gwen views all this (which i don’t actually go into detail that much about bc this is miles’s POV) because she means so much to him. and of course the whole “do i actually like her or is this just really deep connection or” from autism sometimes making it hard to define your feelings and a relationship, and anxiety making it a scary minefield to traverse if you wanna bring it up with said person. and don’t forget the awareness that the anxiety is making everything seem way worse than what it is, which Miles has and is so fed up by.

It all comes off as Miles eventually getting annoyed and tired of Gwen, which you know she did not take well. anyways…. throw all of this in with being a highschool student with a busy schedule and you’ve got miles’s main source of problems . too many friends and too many mental disorders and not enough time . i’m rereading this post and realizing none of it makes sense and kind of meandered .

[chirpsythismorning]

But that is still incompatibility because Steve and Nancy wanted different things in their relationship and it was connected to their wants. Steve was more laid back and careless, and Nancy wanted other things in her life. As for toxicity... ofc Steve slut shaming Nancy is toxic lol there is no doubt about that. But their situation aside from that has been introduced as incompatibility, two teenagers wanted different things in life and from their relationship. I also agree that there are certain similarities here but describing Mlvn's relationship as toxic doesnt exactly match because the whole deal with Steve's character in S1 was that... he was sort of portrayed as an antagonist. There were different elements at play.

I mean by those standards you could argue any and every relationship doesn’t work out is bc of incompatibility, bc anything can be traced back to that if you go by the most simple terms.

You could refer to red flags as signs of incompatibility bc the people are so different from each other, leading to those toxic instances.

I wouldn’t call Mike and El’s relationship toxic, but if describing them and canon things that have occurred in their relationship sounds like toxic descriptors, then people can come to those conclusions themselves.

It’s more than anything about the foundation of those relationships and what eventually led to their demise, and if they can overcome that and be better off romantically in the future because of that development.

If the foundation is rocky, then what it’s really about is developing that relationship in a way that makes it obvious they have moved on from those things that made them incompatible in the first place.

For Steve, arguably, all it would taken is him having a redemption arc and not having expectations for the future, for Nancy to genuinely consider him as an option, assuming she is having genuine doubts about Jonathan and does want to end things bc of that. Because the problem was never related to attraction or lack there of.

Whereas for El, I don’t think her finally having autonomy and being more acclimated into society now compared to s1 would suddenly make her and Mike more compatible. If anything it would make them more incompatible, which we saw play out in s4. Their relationship was arguably at its best when El had no say in anything, and was just going along with what was expected of her, based on what Mike viewed as expected of himself.

Steve is ready for Nancy to drop everything and choose him, whereas I think El is at a point where she’s realized that what she thought she wanted back then, isn’t what she wants now that she’s gone through all of this development and realized she isn’t the monster or the superhero (nor is she Mike’s superhero). She’s way more than that.

And I think the moment they realize and accept their relationship as platonic, they’ll be the happiest they’ve ever been. Mike will be relieved to have her in his life platonically, to the point where we’re gonna see it’s obvious he’s always craved that option, but hasn’t been able to see at as an option.

Even if Mike and Will went through a rough patch, I don’t think Mike would be capable of second guessing him and El just because they are at their best now. They’ll be happy to have that bond platonically without the confusion of ‘maybe now is the time for us?’, whereas I don’t think Nancy and Steve realize that yet bc the attraction is there. And that’s where I think Nancy and Mike’s arcs sort of diverge.

Nancy was able to tell Steve she loved him at the start of s2, but then couldn’t one episode later, and never again. Mike had only been able to say he loved El once in front of all their friends and his sister, with it being referred to as a family discussion. And then it took a whole other season and Will encouraging him every step of the way to finally follow through.

The main difference is a lot of familial implications. And in Nancy’s case, it was easier to have those doubts bc she didn’t have the reality of family implications interfering.

Whereas Mike being in a relationship with El, that was almost entirely based on trauma and him latching onto her romantically bc of expectations, is why Mike and Will ending up together doesn’t feel wrong despite him and El being siblings. Bc their foundation is directly attached to Will. Though, if Mike and Will somehow went through a rough patch after that, I don’t think Mike would start to consider El again… bc Will and El are siblings and bouncing back and forth with uncertainty more than that first time, would be a little bit uncomfortable to witness. Jonathan and Steve aren’t siblings, so it doesn’t work the same in their situation.

That’s why I think when Mike and Will get together officially, it’s going to be obvious Mike can’t have that attraction for her, bc now they’re siblings themselves. And we’re also going to see them happy in that dynamic, arguably the happiest they’ve been. And I think that just doesn’t have the capacity to revert in the same way it did for Nancy.

It’s gonna take a lot of addressing and acknowledging that fact for people to even accept byler as it is.

Even Will I think is going to have a hard time with it. He has the same outlook on things as the GA. He thinks Mike and El are head over heels for each other, so Mike confronting him about his mutual feelings, isn’t going to just result in Will being like DOPE. It’s going to require him having reassurance from both Mike and El that there are no romantic feelings there anymore. What would convince Will even more Mike feels the same, is the knowledge from both Mike and El that it wasn’t as romantic from the beginning as they assumed.

I think there are parallels between Nancy and Mike’s situations, but the assumption they are identical is oversimplifying things. They come from the same family and are dealing with complicated feelings for a Byers. But I don’t think that the Steve/El side of things is one in the same. Steve had the capacity to develop in a way that made them more compatible, whereas I think El developing only hurt Mike and El romantically in the long run.

[dear-god-christ-in-hell]

ok ok ok ok ok ok ooko ok

I dont wanna be THAT guy bc yes there are so many overarching problems with burning man but I WANNA STATE ONE THING

there are also loads of 'regular' people there rn

its not only rich people and its not supposed to be "hang out and vibe" IM NOT SAYING ITS NOT THAT IM TALKING ABOUT WHAT ITS MEANT TO BE

burning man is meant to be almost like an artistic experiment

it was an idea a bunch of artists had to go out and see what would happen with a basic goal, burning man was, at one point, actually known by common goers (aka not the rich people, the burning man people) to basically be a huge art experience that wasn't touched by normal society

many many many common people over the years have gone to burning man and many of those people have become regular attendies

in recent past burning man has been popularized by media and now many rich people want to have the experience as well *not to say they didnt before but it was rich people wanting the real thing not what theyve made it now* which is when capitalism fucks everything up again

im not saying burning man is perfect or ever has been BUT i am saying the recent portrayal and 'upgrades' of this event is the reason people are mad at it, not the concept.

i am also saying that there are more than just rich people there and yes people are used to bad conditions out there but this is the exact opposite of what theyre told to expect and prepare for so many of their necessities are fucked

i am talking from the majority of people who go/have gone to burning man before it was fucked up by money and a 'rich person thing' because those people are still there.

I know people personally out there, they are NOT rich and most of them arent so I totally, totally understand the critism but be aware of human life and suffering bc thats what it is

they are in danger and just like how the government treats the rest of us they said meh fuck off to a whole group of PEOPLE in terrible, unforseen conditions, who are ill prepared and trying their best.

aka just like the rest of us

and instead of focusing on the 20% of people there with bigger bank accounts and ripping on a concept thats been bastardized by capitalism

just have empathy? like we can critique how fucked this is and we can talk about all the nitty gritty details that makes this such an event to watch but to do that you need historical and political context and you need to think about whats involved,

this isnt like the billionares in the pod where everyone said no dont and then they did and died in 5 seconds. this is a huge range of people from all walks of life, out in terrible and unusual weather conditions, for much much longer, who are having to deal with the mentality that not only do they now have to survive against nature but the government and most of the country thinks they did this to themselves

thats victim blaming in my book

and yes, the climate, yes being mean to protesters, yes yes yes there are so many things that made this not good but that doesnt change the fact that most people are only there for a good time and dont want to hurt no one

the small percentage is always focused on and in this case its asshole rich people being themselves which is blurring the focus on the fact that the majority of those people are just trying to have fun for a few days when it feels like the world is imploding and instead theyre now trying to survive

we cannot talk about such a large group of people suffering with such indifference, the internet makes it difficult to remember that people are human, they have lives, feelings, and families but in these cases it shows so clearly because we talk about this group as if its one large being of stupid rich people getting what they deserve when its not

there probably lots of college kids there

theres probably lots of mums and dads there

theres probably lots of older regulars there

there are people there

why would we be so harsh when the weather and their own brains are probably getting the point across just fine

burning man 2023 explained

burning man is a festival for rich white people who want to smoke weed and trip acid in the nevada desert and pretend they're one with the earth. it's not a music festival or anything that serves any purpose, it's just vibes

a hundred year flash flood just hit nevada, including where burning man is being held this very weekend

dry desert ground can't suddenly absorb water, let alone that much water all at once, so now burning man is a giant mud pit with THICK deep mud

nobody can get in or out, so they closed all the roads

FEMA just told the *73,000 PEOPLE* stranded at burning man to shelter in place, ration food and water, and essentially "you're on your own, good luck"

the port-o-potties are overflowing into the mud they're all walking around in

the official CDC twitter account tweeted (and then deleted) that there's a confirmed ebola outbreak at burning man, but people are pretty sure it's just trench illnesses. like actual WWI trench illnesses

earlier this week, climate activists protested against burning man, and all the attendees drove right past them (and yelled at them, and tried to get them arrested, etc)

there's a private jet at burning man where people can join the mile high club. it just takes off and lands all day and lets people fuck in it. no word yet on the fuck plane's current status/location

and lastly: when the ground here gets wet, the sea monkeys hatch

[booblywooblies]

idk why im thinking about this

but when i was a kid i really hated that people always immediately thought my hair was black. when i was in like kindergarten we were doing a thanksgiving pretend game or something and we had these little pilgrim masks and one of the girl ones had brown hair and one had grey hair and the other kids made me be the grey hair one bc black hair is closer to grey than brown and i threw a FIT

i was like crying and i was like my hair ISNT BLACK ITS DARK BROWN (bc like, grey hair = old = ugly, saying i had black hair meant they were saying i was ugly)

and for some reason ive kind of fixated on my hair color ever since? and its a bit confusing because sometimes when you look at it it genuinely looks black and other times it genuinely looks brown, and my eyebrows are clearly just black but theyre slightly darker than the rest of my hair

and i only really actually noticed recently that my hair is actually BOTH brown and black, like if you pull two different hairs out of my head they may be different colors from each other, i have like a mixed hair color

this is like the weirdest thing to have a complex about, i grew up exlusively around like very blonde white people and like idve already been a little different if i was just a regular brunette but the fact that i wasnt even a WHITE brunette like destroyed me self esteem wise for some reason, i used to feel like such a weirdo for looking so different, even compared to people in my own family

i also used to like pull at my eyes to try to make them "bigger" and i really wished i had green eyes and freckles growing up

the eye pulling thing is kinda funny now bc like, my eyes have never been small and i didnt know what actually made my eyes different from other people, tbh most people probably wouldnt even think i have "asian eyes" (i just have epicanthal folds but thats not even unique to asians) and i really didnt understand what about my facial features even made me "look" asian

i think i saw my face in profile for the first time like, AS AN ADULT and it really hit me like, oh thats probably why people clock me as different/off all the time, i had no idea my face was so flat (old pic)

and now i live in a way more diverse place and people arent automatically suspicious about my appearance (though sometimes they are, i still get "what are you"d a lot) and its honestly kind of jarring, like people at the grocery store used to fucking STARE at me trying to figure out what i am or what i was doing there

and i mean people will probably start doing that again here for trans reasons but its been nice on one hand to not have to deal with that for a bit! ive got other problems here like people forget im a POC at all or think im "not a real asian" bc theyre used to full blooded asians and it kind of invalidates all my experiences. also its kinda funny that i can write that many words just about the little insecurities i had about looking different growing up that doesnt even come close to the extent of how people actually TREATED me. but i will probably just do that another time, its hard to get away from even though its almost entirely in the past for now.)

[yourmoonmomma]

hey can I ask your advice on this common issue? what do you think is the best option cause girl I have struggled with friends since forever. Every other person is either so self absorbed that they need jesus or idfk are people getting worse at communication and listening?

do you think its better to a) have limited amount of "friends" even fi you dont meet them regularly enough

b) those friends that only ever message once in a blue moon orrrr if they do ever meet up with you everything is abt them

c) or non at all bc everyone puts up a facade and you dont know which one is the real them

I feel like I have run into all sorts of people yet nothings stuck besides similar patterns in the type of people I seem to be running into. Even family and parents are sometimes a bit of a letdown as well or I barely get to see other relatives anymore. idk but the way society is currently doesnt give me good feelings and it seems that if we dont have or get into something early on we dont get to maintain close connections whereas others might just have been at the right time or place to meet their life long buddies. I tried clubs, online activities with another friend but it just didnt stick to me like that one thing would be all we had in common or they kinda didnt care to explore other activities that we couldve done well at together.

I just think and am concerned with how selfish people are becoming and how people dont even want to be accountable for nothing they ever did wrong either? Like you ask person can you not interrupt me but they will keep doing it over and over cause it seem nothing I say sticks to anyones mind. Then I get told off if im ever too loud or too quiet so I cant win with anyone. Even tho other adults are also loud and even more obnoxious than whatever im trying to do I jusr cant seem to receive the same attention long enough to feel valued

I mean say you had same age friend in college who kept turning down ur offers to socialise outside of their area / home? its rude asf imho, I even tell her that sure we can gift each other bday presents orrr we might hang out during class and such but anything else she didnt care to spend other time in my area or seeing something new or doing something new... every time I ask someone been rejecting me or almost ignore my existence even if they claim to be my "friend" I dont even tell no one nothing abt myself bc u dont know how the other person going to react and some people are chronic talkers or overshare too much and I think those types of people are more annoying to deal with bc u got to basicslly be their audience and they too also dont care that much to ask u nothing to show u no interest in ur intersts. it dont seem to matter what age or generation they be either. but damn people are getting harder to connect with bc u dont know what personality they going to have when trying to engage with them.

some people also outright contradict themselves or gaslight others in the same paragraphs or sentences too which make it harder to point out they doing it cause nobody ever wanna admit they at fault for something or other. so I cant win with that bc people seem to be so mentally asleep about themselves. I have experienced literal adult men throwing tantrums for over decade and got not a single response whenever I be trying to share my interest with them they just dont care or relatives idfk. I mean I can vent to someone and they show almost no emotion nor concern for my vent or problem. mostly bc they wont believe me or dismiss anything i ever say if they dont believe it as well.

same for those who dont ask how you doing? is the world just becoming so blindsided and cliquey, if we dont have the same level of interest that others have in themselves then they aint going to care but its been such a common pattern in my life and ik something was off when I was doing this fun run and was supposed to run with my "friends" but they ended up running slower basically to avoid me even tho i dont say nothing wrong to them then or at any point. idk why social rejection is worse feeling than completely being ignored cause at least I now want only peace in my life instead of buncha fake ass people who dont care in the long run but then life is less fun at the same time.

when ur a kid u think u can get so much praise and attention but when u an adult u quickly realise who really dont care in the long run or they can sometimes say they care but when u really upset with them they dont care to correct their behaviour. I think I been dealing with narcs my whole life bruh. sorfy for rambling thanks for reading

I think the first option is better. HOWEVER I am also a bad friend. Like I'll state it right off the bat to people. A mutual friend, Joy, recently messaged me saying she'd love to be closer with me, and I told her that I'd also love that, BUT I am not a good friend. I forget to text back, I almost NEVER text first, I'm flaky with plans, etc etc. If you need someone, I am there, but just as a general everyday friend? I'm not that great! So BECAUSE of that, your first option sounds better for me. But it may not be what feels best for you! However, I don't think isolating from numerous negative experiences is a good idea. I know it's hard to keep trying, but it will eventually be worth it.

You have to find the people who are more like-minded to you, and they ARE out there. Frankly I think you & my friend Jonah would get along REALLY well, you two seem to have similar personalities, or at least talk about very very similar things/experiences! You will find your people <3

Social rejection hurts more because you opened yourself. You're saying "maybe this will work this time." Your inner child is eagerly looking for connection and love and wants so badly for this to be the time you aren't rejected. So it feels like a slap in the face. You're right, if you don't put yourself out there, it doesn't hurt as bad!!! But you will also end up missing out on a lot.

And just know, you are NOT in the wrong for being hurt by those situations. I would be hurt too. I've been upset with a few friends lately who are always "so excited" to see me, but then if I spend a couple days NOT travelling to them, they will straight up ignore me or refuse to come over because it isn't worth their time. That shit hurts. So this college friend? I'd be upset too in your position. Likewise the running situation? I've been the third friend trailing behind another two while they talk. I've straight up stopped and watched them not realize, at all, that I wasn't with them anymore. Again, that hurts. GOOD friends? Don't do that. Or, if they do, they're willing to apologize and correct the behaviour. At least, friends who are good for you!

Also I'm probably gonna prove your point right that most people suck LOL but I'm sorry I have such a hard time answering your asks sometimes!! Big blocks of texts are hard for me to respond to unmedicated, or when I'm under the weather, or just... feeling my ADHD symptoms at all. Sounds like an excuse, but I am sorry, and I do always read your full messages, even if I don't respond <33

[normalestgirlblog]

well

dont i have a few things to say

#1 i texted him bc i did actually have something to say that related to him, and it was nice to hear from him but also idk its hard and then i posted something mildly messed up on my insta and he didnt like it even though i let people opt in to hearing the joke. whatever. and then i apologized and he left me on read which usually i wouldnt give a fuck but the urge to say why do u hate me, do u hate me now was so strong that i did it and unsent it. i dont know how to be normal about him and i wish i could. i think no matter what i really want him to come back to me. and if im being totally honest it seems like he doesnt have anyone to talk to. because that boy can talk, msotly about books but like he can talk. i need to get over him and i have no idea how. someone please lobotomize me so i forget about him and who he is and how much he means to me and how much he hurt me.

#2 My mother. its so hard to talk about her with people because no matter how much i explain just every piece of her and who she is and our relationship and why it has gotten so hard recently, it wont make any sense unless u know her. nobody knows the real her. and i love her so much but her behavior is completely unacceptable and its so hard to even talk to her when every conversation we have just ends in tears. i cant do it. and all she wants is me to live with her and i just dont know if i can do it. and its taking up so much mental energy that i block her out and then when i block her out it gets worse. so i just have to deal with it. i think we should honestly go to family therapy. she keeps telling me that we are the reason she came back, we are the only reason for her living, that we are eerything to her. But a year ago, we werent enough. SHE TOLD ME SHE WAS OVER BEING A MOTHER AND WANTED TO FIGURE OUT WHO SHE WAS. which like fair enough i support her in that endeavor. but what the fuck. like u cant just switch up like that and make it our fucking fault and our fucking problem that you are so mentally ill becuase you cant see your kids.

#3 i am so desperate for love and i feel like right now i am not doing a single thing right with myself or my life or i just always say the wrong things. and choose the wrong people. but mayhbe im the one thats wrong. its so hard having this many thoughts and not being able to do anything useful with them. i really get people who start podcasts now. like yeah let me just talk in a mic for an hour and make money off of it.

#1.5 I am so fucking stupid i am going to shoot myself in the foot and walk until I learn how to not be stupid.

[lostinatrainofthoughts]

the art of realising things

so much has happened today and i cried and cried and cried because I'm so overwhelmed....................that im hurting and that im hurting people................

i dont know how it came up, but me and my 2 sisters had a "round-table talk" about life and we agreed that my little sister has problems- ISSUES so she needed to seek HELP. she has severe moodswings and she can be mean and ruthless, so we always have to be on our toes. i told her i was willing to pay for her first few sessions so she doesnt "ruin" herself bc shes just so young. she realises that and she said she can cope but the one who needs it most is, me. i was like me??????? why? i knew that I'm a chronic complainer, I'm insecure and ugly af and i have commitment issues and I'm a people pleaser plus communication n victim complex probs but arent we all..

they told me i had anger management issues. i know that. but i didn't know how severe. they told me it affects them pretty badly. not only them but my parents. i had no idea that it was big a deal. i know, i know i hurt them alot but i honestly thought they got over it quickly and just shrugged it off; it's just one of those days that I'm cranky. what made me cry (maybe it's bc I'm on my first day of period too) was that my dad voiced his concerns to my sister that i needed therapy. this was a conversation between them... my mom, on a separate occasion said to my sister that i needed help.

I'm not like this to others, i swear. people always tell me I'm nice. but I'm so mean to my family because only they can accept me as i am, no matter how much of an asshole i am or can be. so i do those things. so hearing them say that made me heartbroken not for myself, but for them. I'm so mean to them for why? why do i do the things i do?? why do i hurt people i love? they said they are terrified of me. honest to god i thought being angry is/was normal. i feel so bad and sorry for them, how dare i let my feelings hurt others just bc I'm hurting even though its not their fault entirely? how long have they quietly endured?? I'm a monster

other than being on my first day of uterus blood bath, i saw terence . the first boy i truly ever fell in love with 10 years ago, but it feels so fresh in my mind because he was the last guy i was truly involved with emotionally. he was with his friend when i walked in and i came to have dinner with my work bestie. i wanted to say hi, but he avoided me. This was always our problem from the beginning. when we stopped talking one person would want to open up, and the other would shut off, whether its me or him. Our relationship was always like that, and continues to be like that. On the way home, i felt a pang of emptiness. But i hope hes doing well wherever he is. If our paths align again, then i hope we’d be on the same page and say hi to eachother like good old friends.

Then i said theres this tinder guy (see: lee) whom i had my first tinder phone call with and i mentioned he set the bar for me for other potential tinder guys. Seriously i was delusioned to think he had everything, handsome, an intellectual (scholarship hello??), good family background, a lawyer with excellent pay, AND TALL (oh the height just sealed the deal. knock some sense into me but god 178cm is so fucking attractive) and he could just be so inviting, alluring and knows how to say the right things. How can a man be so perfect? His flaw was just hes horny so .

I put this guy on a pedestal. I really thought besides the need to get laid, i thought he was genuine. He seemed like the person who wanted a emotional (and physical) connection with just one person! Anyway, i told my girlfriend whom introduced me to tinder about him. So there was this talk of her wanting to get revenge for me. And i said sure! If you ever come across him and match then do so.

And it happened today guys mid table talk with my sisters ........ i was so crushed. Bas texted me and said “hi important update” and what do you know, they matched. Not surprising cuz shes beautiful and men fall for her. Lee would be so blind not to see that. But what made me want to vomit was their texts she sent to me. I only saw a gist of it, i couldnt bring myself to read it. my mood shifted like my whole vision of an ideal guy crumbled before my eyes. I was devastated, and angry at how bas texted him and how he texted her but like what right do i have?? But she knew i liked this guy alot. I felt like puking. Everything he said to me was what hes saying to her. I felt stupid dumb and deceived. “Im soooooo independent !!!!!”, i cry to myself. but what the fuck am i feeling rn. This is pathetic loser behaviour not bad bitch behaviour. I am so lost. I cant believe i stooped so low for men!!!! Wtfffff huwaina wakeupp

[thegradus2]

Well if you want me to keep going outside of tags ill gladly obige bc boy do i have so many THOUGHTS. These bitches are gonna be stuck on a space ship together for however long theres so much that can happen like for example:

- idk the character from miracle nikki obvs but what youve laid down is already so interesting bc im just imagining these 2 otherworldy beings (even if theyre human theyre still otherworldly ig xD) explaining what the deal is and suddenly the Trash Nobel cale henituse pipes asking actually useful questions like “is the culture different than ours?” And “do they speak the same language as us or do we have to learn a new one?”

- cale is mia for like three days, making the henituse worry frantically, before he shows up with aforementioned documents, books, pie-charts, graphs etc etc on the population, culture, language, etc. cale thinks its the most normal thing in the world and he tries to lock himself in his assigned room to work on it further. He is very surprised to find people not avoiding his existence

- eric is tasked with finding out what the fuck. Cale is like “its very simple really” and then rants for about 2 hours about how to do population analysis and what hes found earth is like “i mean i managed to do it when i was 8, its just that now im doing it based off actual numbers instead of novels and gossip” “what do you mean. Cale henituse, WHAT DO YOU MEAN.”

- alongside with finding a bunch of music, cale finds out abt earth fashion after a week and he tries out a different of clothing style every day: rocker chique, old money, new money, preppy, dark academia etc etc (“cale what… what are you wearing” “on earth they call this fashion aestheric ‘bratzcore’ and its very ‘trendy’. Apparently they show a lot more skin in south korea than in roan.”)

- cale likes carly rae jepsen

- i think the trash cale suddenly mellowing out and actually being friendly with the new people would freak people out. Lily takes it as a chance for her to get closer to cale herself, but basen is initially too shy and hes very jealous of aeon and marina. Cale is still under the impression that people dont like him (his trash act was superb after all) so hes very surprised when suddenly his siblings wanna hang out a bunch

- also idk if people can die on this ship but im sure that at some point people would try to kill eachother (cough, venion, cough). Cue murder mystery, cale solving it way too quickly and alver wanting cale to work for him rlly rlly badly (ive made another post sorr of like this but rehashing plots is my specialty LMAO)

- cale finds out about the earth hobby ‘bedrotting’ and is absolutely delighted. Eric and his family are incredibly worried that hes suddenly staying in bed all day and just looking at the ceiling after being active with his earth research for ~2 months. They think he is depressed. He isnt and has everything under control. (Hes totally depressed 💀)

- cale eventually decides to work with alver bc he thinks alver would be the best person to introduce their worlds’ population to the earth population when they arrive. They work on immigration plans together, like planning out housing matters, making korean language courses (especially for all the kids, no matter what class they were originally from), culture courses, actually maybe they just make a whole curriculum for people to distribute and learn. When alver asks how much korean cale knows, cale can already write whole sentences. Alver doesnt know why hes surprised at this point

- maybe some slowburn ogalbecale after they find they work together so well and them spending time together ;0

- Eric: “cale, this is an intervention. You made a whole personality for yourself, and youve insinuated that your alcoholism and anger issues were from a similarly crafted persona. Talk to us!” Cale: “I dont see the problem?? My friend alver over here has been doing the exact same thing so it cant be *that* concerning” Tasha: “…alver, this is an intervention-“

- concensus: YOU IDIOTS YOU CAN JUST BE YOURSELVES STOP TRYING TO ALTER YOURSELVES SO PEOPLE WILL PERCEIVE YOU A DIFFERENT WAY THATS MENTAL ILLNESS BEHAVIOR. ESPECIALLY YOU CALE GOD SO HELP ME…

- i have no idea if this would be bad worldbuilding but idc i had this thought where maybe even tho obvs their status doesnt mean much anymore (at most its just leftover social customs staying in place somewhat) everyone gets their own credit card with rhe amouny of money they had in their og world digitalized. The henituse go from completely neutral to the most powerful family (bc they have the most money). The crossmans also have a lot of money but alver knows his family is gonna have issues w him so hes extra relieved to have connections with cale

Ngl, the Ark of Miracle Nikki sounds like the perfect way to get characters transmigrate from a world to other.

I mean, imagine most people from TBOAH getting suddenly teleported into a massive (techno? magic? fashion inspiration fueled?) flying ship, which can travel through the space-time, because "your world is doomed because of an asshole. We're so sorry. Please feel free to use the facilities and rest until we arrive to your new home".

Besides, I would really like to have og!Cale befriend Aeon and Marina. They would get along, specially having in count that "new world" means their nobility is nothing. He wouldn't need to hide himself and they aren't from his world, so no precoinceived ideas.

Besides, Marina is a kid. Og!Cale would look at this cheerful lively kid and wouldn't be able to hold back his big brother instincts. "She's a lot like Lily when she was a toddler", he probably would think. (Because, yes, I headcanon that og!Cale spent a lot of time with Lily when no one was around and she was still "too young to remember". Lily isn't sure whether she dreamed it all or not)

And imagine Aeon introducing modern music to og!Cale. Og!Cale, who may had learned music when he was a kid (classic noble kid activity), liking many of these various styles of music, all so different from the elegant ones the noble likes and the vivid ones he heard at the streets and bars. Then Marina telling him that Aeon also writes songs, but warning him not to listen them in a way too serious tone (she's such a gremlin).

And between all that you still have the tboah characters aclimatizing to the idea of a new world, fixing relationships, and planning what to do now that their status mean shit (poor royal family. Ha.)

Just a transmigration story where the characters have time to talk with their family and adjust before being send to other world.

Maybe the world they're going to is the Soo's Earth. One that is on its way to recovery, but has way less population than before.