#alice baby i would listen to your podcast

[holyfacehead]

i am now officially a rachel sennott stan ‼️

[bucknastysbabe]

Handsome Devil • C. Cole

Rating: Explicit

Word count: 4.3k of uhhh I love this little guy lets break him

Tags: PEGGING, prostate massage, anal sex, oral (f and m! receiving) femdom, modern au, college au, Criston is actually a little Baby Girl but pretends to be Big Man, like he’s a touch-starved needy SLUT, enemies to lovers, fast burn, Degredation and dirty talk, feminization, alcohol use, Alicent is a sad lesbian and I stand by this, man tears, subby spacey boy, Alicent is DONEEEE

Taglist: @arcielee @bambitas @moncherrii @starogeorgina @valeskafics @aemonds-holy-milk @targaryenbarbie @sugarpoppss2 @lovelykhaleesiii @thought--bubble @fairysluna

The more you learned about the enigmatic Criston Cole, the less you wanted to know. Mainly because his bravado was a bluff you could only seem to see. He listened to those idiotic chauvinist podcasts. You’d almost asked Alicent why she brought the asshole around so often.

But you knew. They both got dumped by Rhaenyra, who was moving on as they stewed. Her new man was quite hot. Poor Ali, she was the epitome of sad sapphic poetry. Stuck in the ways of her upbringing— a limbo of sorts. Still, a dear friend whom you tried to uplift and support, especially after the breakup.

Meanwhile, she was getting closer to Criston. Who you had remained to have a normal conversation with. Usually, you’d argue with him until he would yell or storm out— over topics such as tampons being taxed or the gender pay gap. Alicent would merely ignore you two, pouring over a book, headphones in.

The prick was a waste of good looks in your opinion. There had to be a chink in his proverbial armor. Perhaps something under the puffed chest and nice clothes. Social media didn’t turn up much besides his frat and different dates every day of the week. He had multiple retweets of meninism or whatever the fuck incels called it these days.

The only observation you could draw from his socials and continuous annoying existence was he couldn’t keep a girlfriend. You weren’t going to reach out to Rhaenyra either.

You’d have to test your theory next time he was over with Ali. That was nearly always if he wasn’t out being a “frat star” or had class. You heard his clipped tones and her replies as you lay in bed. You’d have to get up and say hello. There was an ongoing competition to who could give the least excited greeting after all.

“Oh, you again.”

“Yep,” he replied, popping the ‘p’. You narrowed your eyes and shouldered past his stupidly good-looking body. You could feel the heat of his gaze follow your frame to the refrigerator.

“Care for something Cole?”

“Sparkling water. Anyways have you heard about this new-“

You tuned Criston’s impressively sexist commentary out, handing the sparkling water to him and landing a smack to a pert ass. It was a heavy handed smack— like the prick was some poor girl at a party. Alicent already had her headphones in, typing away, pointedly ignoring you two. Criston spluttered and gaped, brows furrowing.

“What the fuck was that for?”

His brows were pulled tight and cheeks flushed. ‘Fuck yes!’ you thought, this might be ammo. Shrugging you stated, “I dunno, figured you talk so much about these horrid men you’d want to be treated like one of their ‘bitches’, yes?”

Criston hissed, “You’re so dramatic, don’t touch me.” You couldn’t help but smirk at his trembling hands on the countertop, drink left untouched. A certain stagnancy was in the air. Making a faux expression of concern you cooed at him.

“Oh, my bad, did alpha sigma male chad Criston get his pretty ass slapped?”

He gasped, actually gasped out loud.

You changed gears, “I mean, someone needs to fuck all those emotions outta’ you. Such a whiny thing. None of your frat bros take it out on that sweet ass? Back when you were a freshman? C’mon you were soooo twinky then.”

Criston’s bravado had shattered quite more than you anticipated. His stark white knuckles on the marble counter trembled, a red flush appearing down the tan neck. He ran an exasperated hand through his curls, voice weak, “I’ve done nothing ah-of the sort. What game are you playing here? I only fuck girls.”

“The hot gossip was that Rhaenyra had you on all fours, like a sweet pup.”

He chugged the sparkling water, sweat beading on his forehead. Placing it down with a shaking hand Cole warbled, crossing his arms defensively “Th-that’s lies, fuck off, really, you’re into that degeneracy?” You laughed and sauntered off with your own drink, pausing at your bedroom door.

“If you need a good fucking, my door is open, I’d give that mouth of yours something to suck on.”

Criston visibly shivered and swallowed, adjusting his pants. Narrowing his eyes, he snatched his laptop and walked away. You blew a kiss, closing your door. Either Criston would take the bait or continue on into misery. You had a feeling it would only be a matter of time.

Ali and Criston were trashed from her sorority’s formal and you said you’d be the designated driver. You had completely forgotten until Ali sent a text, “met a hot chick walking to her dorm, Cris still needs a ride. Pleaseeeee🥺🥺🥺🥺” For the sake of Alicent getting her pussy ate for once you told her you’d pick up bozo. Which he eagerly got into your car, still taking pulls from his bottle of dark liquor.

You stared in abject horror at his disheveled state, particularly the way his pinched look was absent. Criston Cole was shitfaced to say the least. His eyes were hazy and reddened, a loose way in which he held himself, none of that tightness. Criston sat forward, whining, “Change the music, something else, ugh!”

“We have a 30-minute drive so it better be good Cole.” He clumsily plugged his phone in…and out came the wailing tones of Morrissey. You did a double take— wondering if Criston Cole was truly a fan of the ultimate sad sack music? You loved the band too but this felt...strange. Criston laid back and sang along, stretching his legs, dark hair flowing in the wind.

“The Smiths huh?”

Dark eyes regarded you slowly. He mumbled, “The- the songs, they get me. It’s s’good. I’ve heard you listen to them.”

“Yeah they’re a favorite of mine actually,” you admitted. How come he couldn’t talk to you about that? You scoffed, he was such a fucking weirdo. Criston smiled goofily, looking over at you. He laughed, “You’re being nice to me!”

“You’re not being a raging dick head, of course, I’ll return the favor Criston.”

He grinned some more, eyes out the window, singing along to the lyrics. His smile faded but he continued to softly murmur along.

And I’m not happy and I’m not sad.

“You hanging in there okay? Not feeling sick?”

“Nah, m’fine, didn’t really hit it heavy until later. When we had to dance and shit.” You smirked, prodding a broad shoulder. Criston snorted, “I don’t like to dance unless I’m properly loaded, too awkward.”

You laughed, “I love to dance! It’s not all business.”

He took another swig and rasped, “Trust me, it’s quite awful, I can deal with that shitty frat grinding for a bit, no finesse in that. You won’t catch me fist pumping around.”

You decided drunk Criston was entertaining. Fishing through the car’s compartments you asked “Wanna smoke?” He groaned in delight, “Fuck yes, Ali hates it.” You lit up one and handed it to him, suppressing the shiver at the soft touch of his warm fingertips.

You smoked along with him, belting Handsome Devil.

I say, I say, I say, I crack the whip! And you skip but you deserve it— you deserve it deserve it deserve it.

He giggled a bit, pretty face exclaiming the innuendo filled lyrics. Cole unbuttoned his stiff blazer and threw the last dregs of his cigarette out. You softly glanced over, shaking your head at this strange version of the bane of your existence. He raised a thick brow and questioned “What? You’re looking through me again.”

“You’re a fun drunk,” you laughed with eyes on the road.

“I’ve been told that I don’t know- it’s weird,” he murmured.

“It’s not weird. You don’t need a drink to lighten yourself up,” you playfully rolled your eyes, “Or be a raging chauvinist.”

Criston narrowed his eyes, lightly shoving you by the shoulder. You giggled and yelped, “Hey- easy there- I’m driving!” Criston snorted, “Then drive and don’t insult me. Also, I’m taking Ali’s bed, better than that shit they give me at the frat house.”

Criston is alone in the apartment with you. That would be a first. You merely nodded with a weak, “Aye-aye captain.” He asked for another cigarette, singing and smoking. You would peer at his relaxed face and shoulders, smiling softly.

It would be back to normal come morning.

He was a bit drunker than you expected upon arrival. Criston stumbled a bit closing the car door, clumsy footsteps leading to the stairs. You followed along, getting out your key and snickering. Cole smelled good; a mix of cologne, cigarettes, and expensive bourbon. You ignored the way he was towering over you.

You unlocked the door and let him in, turning back to lock it again. As you twisted again, the brunette’s big hands and lips were on your face. His voice cracked as he moaned, “Want you so fucking bad, c’mon baby, c’mon.” You’d love to indulge him but the man was wasted.

Gently removing yourself from him you shook your head to state, “Criston. You’re drunk. Maybe sleep this off a little before making moves.” He frowned, puppy eyes shining pitifully. He huffed, running a hand through his wind-blown hair. “Right, right, m’sorry, I just.” He began to walk away.

“You just what?”

Criston shot you the most pitiful look. The type of look that made you want to baby him. Then make him cry. You leaned toward babying him right now. Criston untied his laces, voice sulky, “You intimidate me so I just act like a prick. I thought since the other day you might be interested.”

You sighed at the pouting man.

“Criston, darling, I really wish we didn’t have this moment when you’re fucked up. No funny business but you can cuddle with me tonight. Since you look like a sad puppy.”

He seemed to brighten a bit, apologizing, “I- I know! And don’t call me that.”

Rolling tired eyes, you moved into your bedroom while stripping. He stared at you merely clad in underwear and a thin tank. Maybe you could play around with him in the morning? Alicent will want to play sleepover at least two more nights before the inevitable breakdown.

Criston eventually shuffled in, wearing his briefs and dumb little argyle socks. He climbed clumsily onto the bed, you chiding, “Under here dummy, here!” He snickered, warm body sidling to your own. A tan arm wrapped its way around your waist, the man like a damn Koala the way he plastered himself to you.

He pressed a few little kisses before getting batted on the head. Criston groaned before snuffling, “You’re so strange, God, make me feel goddamn crazy.” His legs intertwined with your own, lips smirking against your nape.

“So does this mean you aren’t always…so sexist?” you asked.

He didn’t reply but you knew the answer. Sleep reached the pair of you easily, especially poor drunk Criston. He’d be alright after some breakfast. The man laced his fingers with yours, dreaming of happy things.

You awoke with a very hard dick slotted between your ass cheeks. Criston still had a death grip on you— inky curls tickling your face. Raising a brow you took inventory of the situation. The man was not awake. But he was groaning and rutting against your ass.

This should be good.

“Criston- uhhh- Criston!,” you yelped. Brown eyes opened wide, his cute face half red and curls adorably sleep-mussed. He retracted himself in a flail of limbs, apologizing profusely. He seemed to be getting more frantic until you put a hand on his surprisingly still-hard dick.

Criston’s wide eyes flicked down to your hand and back up to your dead serious face. He gulped, “I- uh- enjoyed last night. Sorry.” Holding back a laugh, your hand tightened a little on his girth, straining the dark fabric. The man was bigger than you thought, especially after all that horrid talk.

He whimpered a little, eyelids fluttering, dark lips falling open. You questioned the man “Well, Ali won’t be here for a bit. Maybe I can make good on my promise Hm?” Another whimper graced your ears. Criston whined softly, “Please, yes, please.”

You immediately straddled him, Criston groaning, remaining pliant. Caressing his cheek you asked “How’s the hangover? Maybe some breakfast and water first? I’ll be a good little housewife and make it for you.” He scoffed, lips turning up a hair, “I always thought you had it in you. Sure.”

You ignored his comments while making some French toast. Soon you’d have the man crying and shaking, Criston could cling to his manhood while he ate. Immediately after— you two had climbed back into bed, you atop his slim hips, the tank top was far gone.

His big hands greedily pawed at your tits, Criston lapping into your mouth. You had reached around to curl your fingers in slightly overlong hair, moaning into his mouth. You’d been lazily rutting your hips against his cock, enjoying the man trying to cut off his moans.

What was he going to do when you had two fingers in his ass playing with his prostate?

You smirked and pulled back, him chasing you forward, brows pinching. Sliding both of your palms down his chest you cooed, “Lay back, I got you, sweetheart.” Criston fell back like a chopped tree, dark eyes looking up. You inched down tan skin until you sat between his thighs, patting his hips so you could get his underwear off. His adorably soaked fucking briefs.

“You’re excited hm? All wet for me?”

Criston shivered, thighs twitching as he bit his bottom lip, swallowing audibly. You eased off his underwear, fighting back laughter as you threw them to the side. It was the reverse of what usually happened in bed for the man— you knew that. His cock was flushed and gorgeous as it slightly dribbled pre onto olive skin.

You hummed in excitement, laying on your belly as you took his length in hand. Criston’s stomach twitched as he breathed in sharply, face agonized. You immediately lowered your head to the slit and laved off the pre, eyes coming up to meet his.

“Oh fucking…fuck,” he muttered, hands fisting in the comforter. He was holding back— big time. You would get Criston to unwind soon. You felt the poor baby didn’t know what was hitting him. Swallowing down the head of his cock you rolled his balls with your other hand, making the man groan and twitch again.

You bobbed your head in a familiar rhythm, making sure to drool all over his cock, the wetter the better. Coming up to flick your tongue at the frenulum or his sensitive tip had more spit rolling down to his balls and Criston throwing his head back to moan.

You’d try a little stimulation first before shocking the man with the anal question. While still sucking, the hand holding his balls crept back to shove two fingers up into that sensitive thin skin. You felt him from the other side, that hard gland was a bit swollen. Good god, had the guy not cum in days?

Criston’s entire demeanor shifted as you stroked his taint. His legs subtly widened, stomach sucking in as he let out the tiniest little whine. You pulled off his cock immediately, still stroking as you needled, “Crisssston, you like me playing with your special spot? Spreading your legs for me like a slut.”

He whimpered and a hand came up to his head as if to hide his eyes. Cole managed to reply after heaving a couple of times. The man moaned, “You- you can’t! Ohmygod s’fucking good- no!”

Kissing his trembling hips you kept massaging and stroking, murmuring in a more gentle tone “It’s okay sweetheart, it’ll be our little secret, I think you’ll feel good if you let me play some more. Really milk you dry. You want that baby?”

He moaned long and loud, cock slightly spitting onto his messy stomach. You grinned, watching Criston unravel by the second. He was a goddamn princess, wanting to be babied and loved on. He babbled, “Please yes— don’t tell anyone please I want it so so so bad please!”

You smiled at him, pressing lips to his hipbone again, shushing his pleading. This was going to be a fun ride for your new toy. You eased your fingers back, instructing Cole to bend his legs, he huffed and immediately followed the order.

It took a lot of petting and hushing until you’d breached his tight rim. You had to get up and grab lube when Criston started to ramble and tighten in apprehension. He was looser around your fingers but still wound tighter than a bowstring.

Every breath was a soft little noise, his dark orbs nervously flicking down to watch. You slipped your middle finger along the pointer, sitting flush up against his thighs for comfort. Watching his face you fingered deeper, fingers awkwardly searching for his prostate. You knew you’d found it when he jolted and shouted abruptly, tensing up.

He mewled like a cute little slut when you dragged your fingers across the gland, legs tightening around your hips before he arched and spread wider for you. Cooing in surprise you remarked, “Good boy, yesss, spreading your legs for me like a sweet baby.”

Criston seemed to lose more control at your words, crying wordlessly and writhing as he was worked over. His hands grasped and held at your waist, nails digging in just so. You grinned and put more pressure on him. He responded easily, shuddering and whining as his cock leaked more and more.

“Please, oh my god, please more, more, touch me!”

You leaned over his trembling body, lips ghosting over his drooling ones, practically fucking him with your fingers. Criston was sloppy as he pressed swollen lips against yours, tongue desperately lapping inside, moaning all the while. Snickering at him only had him whine and try harder, brain slowly oozing out of his ears with every rough jab of your digits.

You breathed when he did, softly demanding, “You’re so damn needy Criston, come for me and loosen up pretty baby.” Swiping a lazy hand across the mess of his sensitive stomach had Cole gasping and falling apart whimpering. His trembling hands slapped to the bed as you felt his ass tighten around your fingers, cock flexing as he spilled all over his stomach.

Criston dissolved into tears, blabbering, “I-I’m still cumming, ah, mmm, I’m s-still cumming!” You smirked as you dragged across his sweet spot again, forcing another whiny sob and gush of essence out. He was writhing again, back arching to figure out whether to escape or fuck back onto your digits.

“Goodness. You’ve made a mess of yourself. Attention whore, you just needed to be coddled and loved on. Stupid little pet,” you drawled.

“Mhm, mhm, yes!,” Criston groaned, “A fucking whore.”

“You want something bigger in your ass honey? Since you’re my whore?”

His eyes rolled a little, you having to hold his cheek to get the man’s full attention. Criston stared at you with wide eyes, mouth fumbling around a response. You slid your fingers out of him gingerly, relocating to a nearby shirt, wiping your hand off.

Criston breathed, “God oh- uh- God, yes, yes I want it.”

He blinked in shock when you were back between his thighs, looming over his already used body. The polka-dotted harness and strap-on cock were secured. Criston had been quiet and pliant while you got ready, hand rubbing his achy cock, squirming and softly sighing in need. You tittered at him in sympathy, poor baby's dick had not wilted since the beginning of this excursion.

You fisted the strap with a lubed hand, smiling at Criston's little noises and trembling. Off a look alone, one would think he was either a virgin or a nympho. Sliding your non-lubed palm up his inner thigh had Criston whine deep in his chest, dark lashes fluttering across reddened cheeks. He slurred softly "M'ready, unnh, be gentle?"

Rubbing soothing circles into his lean thigh you hummed, honey dripping from your words, "Don't have to worry about a thing sweetie, I've got you. You're gonna love it I promise." Criston nodded, puppy eyes trained on you, his hands slithering to your hips to grip the flesh.

You rubbed the tip of the blunt strap against his loosened ass, inching in enough to pop the tip. Criston’s breath drew tight, eyes wide, fear flitting across his features. You shoved both of your thighs up under his, stroking tan flanks while murmuring, “Relax, s’okay baby, jus’ us Criston, relax.”

He nodded with a strangled noise, the silicon cock sliding in halfway, you laying down atop Criston. You traced a hand across his stubbled cheek to dark hair, kissing eager lips. Cole opened for you with a hopeless moan, then a cry as you jerked your hips— the fake dick all the way inside now. You whispered between kisses, “Mm- there we go- good boy- takin’ me all the way like that.”

“Uh-huh,” he garbled out, pretty eyes rolling.

His bigger arms had wrapped around your back, leaving your lower half to fuck him in a shallow rhythm, grazing his sensitive sweet spot. You had one arm up and in Criston’s hair, the other holding his hip as you fucked him. Moans fell out of his swollen mouth on every thrust, his legs flopping between tightening and falling loose.

“Aw, baby, you feel good? You being my good whore Criston?”

Criston sobbed, rutting back onto your dick and wrapping long legs around your waist. He slurred some nonsense as you fucked into him harder, angling downward to hit his prostate. Soon you struck it again, the sweet baby between your legs crying and wailing, kissing and holding you all the while.

You idly wondered if the neighbors could hear Criston being thoroughly used and broken down into mush.

He panted, “Oh, god god god, oh baby, m’gonna cum again!”

“Yeah priss? Gonna cum from having a dick in your slutty pussy?”

Criston trembled and made the most pitiful noise, blabbering and kissing frantically as his arms tightened, “Fuck! Yes!” You grinned and returned the needy little pecks, clapping your hips against his ass, watching his cock leak and swell once again. He’d probably have the orgasm of his life soon. Striking Cole deep began the fire, and then your words set him aflame, burning up as he came with another wail.

He impossibly tightened around you, cum flooding your stomachs as he whimpered, cried, and carried on like the needy little thing he was. Criston sobbed, “Pl-pl-ease don’t ever stop-p! S’go-od! Ohmygod m’all yours, only yours, forever!” You grinned and eased out of him, unclipping the strap-on so you could coddle your whiny toy.

“Such a cute baby, did so well, hmm, you needed to cum huh priss?”

Criston nodded into your neck, not wanting to let go. He asked in a tiny voice “Lemme be yours?” Stroking his slightly sweaty hair you replied, “Sure babes, just remember who blew your mind right here. You’re mine now.” He let out a soft noise, nodding pliantly, nosing and kissing your smooth skin. If you could picture it, hearts were just appearing over the man.

You’d have to talk to him again when he wasn’t a submissive mess— but Criston seemed quite eager to be petted and called pretty. Fucking Princess. You held back your laughter as the thought bubbled up. He was so damn clingy right now you could pull out a purse and he’d crawl into it, or if you had a leash? Criston Cole would definitely be excited.

He just needed to be trained up a little, s’all.

Alicent was tired. She had met a nice girl for once, but she couldn't go shack up for a week as much as she wanted to. Criston and her 'froomie' had been radio silent. The redhead feared they may have killed each other. She gently keyed into the tiny apartment and slunk in, eyes darting around.

"That's good, ah, good boy!" came the cry of Alicent's roommate. She clapped a hand over her mouth, eyes widening in horror. Alicent wanted to melt into the floor. Dear bestie had one of her 'toys' over. Alicent could maybe duck and scramble her way into her room-- from the noises, it sounded like she was receiving some oral attention.

Ali dropped to her knees and ignored the moaning and slick noises. A deeper voice moaned something, Alicent's roommate responding, "Oh shush prissy, there's no one here. You're just being paranoid." The Hightower girl paused again, crawling behind the loveseat. The noises of very...excited cunnilingus ramped back up. She made the horrid choice to peak out before making the final cross.

Criston 'I don't eat pussy' Cole was on his knees. Eating the pussy of his mortal enemy, Alicent's roommate. Quite enjoyed it from the way he had a hand shoved down his sweats. How long had they been at it? It hit Alicent that the whole apartment reeked of marathon fucking. She could not believe this. Sure they had lowkey sexual tension but this?

Alicent scrambled across to her room, eyes forward and praying no one would notice.

"OH MY GOD- NOnONO! Christ!"

"Oh shit sorry Alicat! I didn't hear you come in! He's trained now!"

Alicent stood behind her closed door, hand over her helplessly smiling mouth. Oh my god, she couldn't be serious right now. Criston Cole broke in as the roomie's toy while she was gone. Hell must have frozen over. She laughed, Criston's miserable voice echoing from the living room. Alicent had to get away from the door so he would not hear her losing her mind. Good for them, good for them!

[i-care-4u]

SWEET TALK | J.HARLOW

PAIR: JACK HARLOW X READER

REQUESTS ARE CLOSED | MASTERLIST

your friend alice recently invited you to be featured in her podcast, and you accepted her request. it was only monday and you had no plans, so why not give it a try?

jack left earlier today to go to the studio and you gave him a quick call, “hi love, i just wanted to let you know that i’ll be out with alice, you might remember her.”

“of course i remember her, she’s your best friend that does that podcast. i hope you have fun babe!”

“anyway, i got to go. see you!” you hung up, and you started the engine to drive to alice’s home.

as soon as you parked your car outside alice’s house, you make your way towards her door. you started knocking her door.

“who is it?”

you deepened your voice, “uhm, delivery for alice!”

alice opened the door and reached for a hug, “it’s an honor to see you again, y/n. come on in.”

while walking towards her studio, alice offered you a drink, “you want water? juice? tea?”

“water is fine, thank you,” you replied. alice ran to grab a bottle of water for you.

-

before starting, you and alice did some preparations.

“you gotta take some deep breaths and,” alice did some breath exercises with you and exhaled, “let it all out.”

you opened the water bottle cap, “let me take a sip of water real quick.” once you finished, you allowed alice to start the episode.

“hello, hello everyone. welcome to the podcast.” alice greeted. “today we have a wonderful guest, and you may already seen her before on my instagram. if you haven’t, she’s one of the most creative people out there, and i’m warning you, she is the moment.”

you pointed at yourself, “she’s talking about me, i’m that girl!”

alice added, “and that girl’s name is y/n l/n for those who did not know.”

alice and you began making conversation, talking about the busy life and the fun of adulthood. there was endless things you can talk about, and one of the topics was your romantic relationship with jack.

“we see those posts with jack, y/n, but everyone is dying to know, how’s life with him?”

you laughed at her comment, “it’s beautiful. these last couple months were a lot to sink in, but it was fun at the end. every morning, i got to wake up alongside him and he will always tell me that this is the life that he had always dreamed of.”

“you guys are too fucking cute. i’m glad that you enjoyed tour.”

“thank you. right now we’re readjusting to our schedules, and it’s so crazy how one day we’re in milan and the next day we’re in atlanta.”

“how long have you and jack been together?”

“this would be our third year of dating,” you raised hands, thinking about the fans that go deep diving into you and jack’s relationship, “not very exciting news for the fans, but recently me and jack have decided to get a dog.”

“thats exciting! do whatever that makes you happy y/n. it’s you and jack’s decision after all.”

you and alice talked for another twenty-five minutes before she stopped recording due to timely reasons. after the episode ended, you and alice smiled at each other.

“thank you, y/n for being here once again.”

“thank you, alice. it’s such an honor to star in an episode of yours. i feel so proud of you, you’re going places.” alice hugged you one last time before you went back home. it was one of the best interviews that you ever had.

-

it’s been four days since you recorded the podcast episode with alice, and today was friday, day of the release.

you woke up to see the other side of the shared bed empty. the first thing you did was turning on your phone to see the time. “12:47,” you read.

you went to the bathroom to do what you got to do, skin care, brushing your teeth, etc. when you finished, you went to the kitchen, where you saw jack wearing his airpods max.

“baby, i’m right here,” you hugged him from behind, seeing that he is watching alice’s podcast with you being the guest star.

jack paused the video and showed his screen to you, “morning beautiful, just listening to my daily news.”

his way of words made you laugh a little, “don’t be so old-timey, jack.”

he pleads, “don’t you want me to support you?”

“yeah, but not in front of me,” you look up to jack, face-to-face.

he bent down a little to kiss your forehead, “whatever you say, i’m still proud of how far you’ve gotten. i can’t believe you spoke very highly about me, i feel special.”

“what can i say, i have the best boyfriend.”

[floralcrematorium]

6, 7, 17 (for Spotify ask)

Thanks for the ask!!

6. Which playlist do you frequent the most?

If my likes doesn't count, then it's been my America playlist as of late because of Migraines in Margaritaville. Nyo!America too.

7. Shuffle your favorite playlist and tell me which song comes up first and your favorite lyric.

"Orbit" by Alice Phoebe Lou

"My reality is what I percieve / What I attract into my orbit / Worries fade into the haze / The air feels different this time 'round"

17. Do you listen to any podcasts? Recommend one?

I usually don't! However when I was working on my original thesis that had to do with Henry VIII's six queens, I would listen to "Queens Podcast" to get me through my six-hour life drawing class. I also listened to "Let's Talk About Myths, Baby! Greek & Roman Mythology Retold" during my other six-hour class the semester prior (it was anatomy which was Also life drawing)

Spotify ask game

[thearchivistswilltolive]

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I tagged 210 of my posts in 2022

#dw spoilers - 85 posts

#doctor who - 28 posts

#heartstopper - 14 posts

#heartstopper tv - 11 posts

#thasmin - 10 posts

#charlie spring - 9 posts

#nick nelson - 9 posts

#the magnus archives - 8 posts

#alice oseman - 6 posts

#the power of the doctor - 6 posts

Longest Tag: 125 characters

#like bro. what if i don’t shave my legs and i have a big nose and my lips are small and my ears are red and my thighs are big

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

do you guys know how madly blindingly angry I am that there is not going to be another julie and the phantoms series. them fuckers at netflix cancelling all the good fucking shows. no more fucking jatp and babysitters club is ended as well. i’m literally crying about these kids shows. we never got to see alex x willie become real. it ended on a cliffhanger. i’m so tired. it was so good as well.

EDIT: at least we have heartstopper. thank fuck. I feel like we deserve it after this. but equally like. this is tumblr. the demons on this hellsite deserve none of alice’s blessings. thank you Alice Oseman for making my live liveable btw :))

68 notes - Posted April 10, 2022

#4

I WANTED A FUCKING GOODBYE KISS

JUST A TEAR SOAKED “hey. one last thing” KISS

ITS NOT THATFUXKINFHARD

MY CRYINF HAS MORPHED INTO ACTUAL RAGE

71 notes - Posted October 23, 2022

#3

hi does anyone have queer book recommendations that are less… concrete. about who they’re representing.

I’m a queer person. I know this. I think i’m non binary but I don’t know. I might be a girl I might be a guy i don’t know. I’m with a guy, but I think I also like girls. I think ? I think i’m asexual but I could be wrong you never know.

I want a book that gets that. i’m not questioning. I just don’t particularly care. I think that the only characters I get who are like this in any way, are very bi coded. the ace spec vibes is the things that I never find. I don’t mean someone discovers that they are asexual, but someone that knows about the asexual labels, and partly relates to them and is okay with that. I really just don’t relate to that certainty, or that sort of. tortured confusion. I am not tortured. I simply vibe baby.

72 notes - Posted November 30, 2022

#2

I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS’ FAVOURITE PODCAST EPISODES. all the podcasts. EVERY AUDIO DRAMA. COME TELL ME WHAT PODCASTS YOU LISTEN TO AND WHAT YOUR FAVOURITE EPISODE(S) IS (ARE) AND WHY.

in person not many people listen to me about my podcast obsessions. I know how that feels. come rant to me about this. I would love to hear it. give me a whole fucking essay about all of your audio drama thoughts. thank you.

95 notes - Posted May 24, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I don’t think we have a release date yet but can we all agree to make the heartstopper tv show ridiculously popular? like watch it twice over in the first week of it being out- hype about it here, and on twitter, and just make it huge!! make people who haven’t even read the comic watch it because of the hype! I think we can do that if we try. any season two will be possible and sooner if we do. and also like, talk about it to real people in our lives like lame boring fuckers you know-

113 notes - Posted January 9, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[lovemesomesurveys]

Do you remember much from high school? Honestly, not really.  Where would you go for the ultimate honeymoon? Some nice beach resort.  Can you access the roof of the building you live in? I can’t, no.  Do you know anyone who has a strong accent that is hard to understand? Yes.  If you had to get a tattoo tomorrow, what would you get? I’ve wanted to get ‘free bird’ since I was like 18, but I’m a big baby.

What was the last podcast you listened to? Do you listen to it regularly? Foolish Mortals. If you’re into Disney stuff, check it out. The hosts are Offhand Disney and Disney Dan on YouTube.  Are you more of an optimist or a pessimist, and why do you think this is? Like I always say, I’m Miss Pessimist. I blame it on the depression and anxiety, but also I’ve been through some rough stuff and that causes me to worry.  When was the last time you moved house? A little over a decade.  Have you ever held a gun? Did you fire it? I have. I went to a shooting range once with some friends.  Do you like simple questions or deep questions that make you think? I like a mix of both. Sometimes the questions are too deep and I don’t feel like getting into it or spending much time thinking about it. I just like being able to elaborate more than just simple responses.  How long have you been using Bzoink? For about a year.  When was the last time you threw up? Why were you sick? A few weeks ago. I had taken my first dose of my new antidepressant and one of the common side effects during like the first week is nausea.  Are you on a first-name basis with your boss? (or last boss if unemployed) I’ve never had a job.  What brand is your laptop or computer? Apple.  Would you ever wear a bright orange shirt? Sure.  What was the last thing you wrote in a word document? I have no idea, it’s been so long since I’ve used Word or Google Docs. Who do you miss and what do you miss about them? I miss my grandparents who passed away. My grandma and I were really close and spent a lot of time together.  What were the best and worst costumes you've ever worn? I like the Lucy Ricardo and Alice costumes the best.  Do you know anybody who is gay and married? No. What did you last take painkillers for? I have chronic back pain and also pain from other things. Are there any hobbies you want to get back into? Not hobbies, but activities such as being able to go to the movies and going shopping. I miss those things.  Have you ever shared a home with a friend? No. What's the craziest or weirdest place you've ever slept? I haven’t slept anywhere crazy or weird.  What did you have for lunch today and who made it? I haven’t had lunch yet, it’s 12:46AM.  Do you believe in anything supernatural like ghosts or ghouls? I believe in spirits.  How many hours of sleep did you get last night? Like four. That’s about the most I get. :/ Are you allergic to anything? How did you find out? Yeah, tangerines. I had tried a smoothie that had some in there and they were the only fruit out of the others I’ve never had before so I assume that’s what it was that caused the reaction.  What's your favourite Thai dish? I’ve never had Thai food.   Do you have any alarms set? What time and what for? No.  What are you going to do when this survey is over? Watch some YouTube videos and scroll through Tumblr until I fall asleep. I might even do another survey.  Have you ever been on a date with someone you met online? How was it? No. What colour is the rug in your living area? Brown.  Do you call it a couch, sofa, lounge or something else entirely? Couch.  Who is your favourite character on Friends? I don’t have one, I never could get into that show.  When was the last time you used a pair of headphones and what for? It’s been a couple weeks. I haven’t been able to use them because they won’t connect anymore for some reason. :/ Describe the temperature of the area you're in right now. It’s currently 64F.  Who was the last very physically attractive person you saw? Alexander Skarsgard on my dash.  Have you ever had teppanyaki? No. How long does it take you to get ready before you go somewhere? Nowadays it takes at least an hour, sometimes a little more. Do you find it difficult to get rid of material possessions? I find it hard to get rid of most things.  What sort of games do you like to play? I like various board games, video games like Mario Bros, The Sims, hidden object games, some word games, and card games. What was the last candy you ate? I think M&Ms.  Have you ever been hit in the face? What's the story? Yeah, with one of the rubber balls in elementary school.  Do you know anyone who is deaf? No, but I know a few people who are hard of hearing.  Name one thing on your bucket list. Traveling to several different places. 

[sisaloofafump]

Hi, maybe an odd question but I sae your artwork celebrating 420 hours of listened podcasts (which was really cool and I love the idea and now I have new podcast on my radar) and I sort of wondered, how did you count the listened time? Some in app stats? Manually? My podcast app sucks at showing ne how much I listened

This is like a year late, i'm so sorry i never check my inbox. I was having similar frustrations with apps. If you just want a running time there are some that do it manually (Player FM and Pocket Casts). But I wanted a much more detailed list than that.

So I use spreadsheets! While I listen to a show (or once I've finished it) I will track the amount of episodes, their average length, the outlier length (say one episode is 20 minutes longer than the others), when i started listening to it, etc. Personally I am super precise with it and make sure the listening count is accurate to the minute (which means I never skip ads or long intros).

As I've gotten more advanced at spreadsheets I keep trying to rejig it to be more efficient in formula use (arrayformulas etc). Keeping it in that constant work state has definitely hindered my record-tracking in recent months but boy oh boy do I love my spreadsheet baby. Overall it represents around 1.5-2 years of listening (Details below).

Here she is. This page is where I input the raw data. I think the headers are overall pretty straight forward, the only tricky ones being:

"Bonus Count" and "Bonus Length" which refer to the amount of bonus episodes (patreon announcements, pre-season snippets, etc) and their combined length (which I calculate manually)

"Section Total" which refers to the amount of episodes in what ever season etc that I am tracking (which is used in my % Listened column)

The light grey column "Show (min)" provides a running total of how much I listened of that show in minutes.

In comparison, the dark grey "Show (hr...)" and "Show (...min)" show in hours and minutes. Say, for example, the hour column is 2 and the minutes is 45, you would read that as a 2h45m total.

The orange columns "Total (min)"; "Total (hr...)" and "Total (...min)"; and "Total (days)" show the running total of all shows at that time. (Which works because they are entered chronologically). For example, when I listened to Caravan, I had heard a total of 31h4ms. By the time I got to Alice Isn't Dead, however, I had listened to 171h34m across prior shows.

The numbers under the header provide a quick average or sum of the column depending on the relevant data. For example under "Length" is 36.3 which is the average length of all episodes, where as 2743 under "Listened" is a sum. The orange Total hour/minute/day columns show their max amount so I can immediately know the total listening count without having to scroll. This is the number the art was based on.

The Misc. Row sums the information from a separate page of individual episodes that I listened to of a show in too little a quanitity to warrant a whole spreadsheet section for them.

The highlighted sections are all automated with formulas (including the colours).

But! You want to know what is ALL formulas? The companion page!

Where as the main data-entry page is often sectioned by seasons and various other factors, this page automatically join them by show! All I have to do is enter the name of the show I am looking for (say, the Magnus Archives) and it will gather all 7 entries from my data page and combine their data together. Otherwise, the set up is basically the same.

I wont go into detail about the other pages but I have SO many in this spreadsheet - I'll attach a few screenshots here.

(in order: a list off all creators/actors of the shows so I can see the overlap, some graphs, some more graphs, and a page tracking the common themes of the podcasts).

This is barely scratching the surface of my podcast themed spreadsheets. I track the relationships, the fan response, the popularity stats, the detectives, and so much more! Too much to share here at least.

Sorry for this long winded explanation. If you made it this far and think its a good idea to start a podcast spreadsheet of your own... do it. Its absolutely a blast. You can also dm me and I'll send a skeleton version for you use aswell.

thanks!

[necros-writing-stuff]

Hiya ^__^! I was in the middle of writing a thirst/emo ask when I saw your "medias/entertainment the LIs would be interested in." post, and I have some HCs & thoughts about Robin, Kylar & Eden:

Robin- They like MMO games, but since they financially can't afford subscription games, they stick to free MMOs like Neverwinter, Guild Wars 2, Old School Runescape (even though you have to pay to access the game's best content, lol, but w/e), etc. They enjoy listening to light-hearted podcasts where participants are chatting about the mundane. On youtube, they mostly follow cooking channels to find simple, affordable recipes to try out & share w/ PC. When it comes to social media, they're more of a lucker than an active user. I also kinda see them having a hard time grasping internet culture/memes. Uses let's-play videos as background noise when they're studying.

Kylar- they like movies such as Eyes Without a Face, Don't Look Now, Rosemary's Baby, V/H/S anthology, From Beyond, etc. Watches true-crimes docs & series. When it comes to video games, they're very big on any game that requires a shit-ton of reading, so their fav genres are mostly VNs, dating sims & text-based games. Sometimes they like to mess around w/ dungeon crawlers & FPS games. They listen to popular gothic rock bands like The Cure, Joy Division, Bauhaus, Siouxsie and the Banshees, etc. Def a veteran mod in some obscure anime forum. Their internet persona is diametrically opposite to their IRL personality. Has a blog where they journal their daily life & dump their writing & drawings. Literally pirates anything they could get their hand on. Occasionally surfs & posts in /lit/, /adv/, /x/, /ic/, and /r9k/.

Eden- If they ever used the internet, it's just to pirate books, read news & op-ed articles; they wouldn't care about anything else. Has a great collection of books that centres around political & economic theories. I don't think they have a specific favourite music artist, but when they were young, they might have listened to Alice in Chains, Rage Against the Machine, The Smashing Pumpkins, System of a Down, Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds, etc. Because of K*rk*t, now I'm legally obligated to assign any remotely grumpy character as a rom-com enjoyer whether it fits or not :v, so yeah, Eden's guilty pleasure is shitty rom-com movies, w/ The Notebook being one of their favorites. (But they're def not ashamed of reading & enjoying romance novels.)

I agree with a lot of this, anon.

Robin falls for Joe mama-style set ups everytime. Probably has played every Final Fantasy and has a few ideas for a TTRPG character they want to play as but never found a group to play with. Also, when it comes to YouTube Robin strikes me as someone who would have enjoyed Jenna Marbles (I miss her so bad).

Kylar seems like the type of person to have one of those Yandere blogs you see. Updates it with every look you give them, posts pictures of their shrine in their room (with you censored, they don't want anyone getting any ideas) and talks about how they can't wait for your future together. I also think Kylar is emo as hell and may have been a scene kid at one point - yes even listening to absolute trash like Simon Curtis. Which brings up a theory of mine - Kylar dyes their hair black. It's naturally something else. They could also enjoy films like The Boy, and openly roots for Brahms.

Eden strikes me as someone potentially leaning anarchist politically. Probably has Peter Kropotkin and such in their book stack. But also could lean into conspiracy theories a bit too much. It may just be because of the town, but Eden has a line where they say they'll never go to the hospital - if they're that injured then they'll die. And I don't blame them, knowing Harper, but it does make me think Eden could be an illuminati/lizard person believer. If Eden ever had electricity put in at the cabin I would bet they'd like How I Met Your Mother and other rom-com shows. Doesn't even flinch when you watch Bambi together and it reaches that scene, which is a little concerning.

[come-on-shitty-boys]

//general dating headcannons//

Characters: Komori Motoya/Oikawa Tooru/Sakusa Kiyoomi/Miya Atsumu

Request: bby ;-; HCs or scenarios of Komori, Oikawa and OmiOmi please cause my knee and back are screaming murder and I just want some love :'C (+Atsumu but homegirl forgot)

Warnings: some swearing and I make one sex joke

Word Count: 2.4K (~600 a piece)

Notes: I PROMISE i’ll get back to doing fics I’m just a weenie with AWFUL time management skills

Komori Motoya

My bleppy eyebrow boy oml i love him so much

Smooch his motherfucking eyebrows and watch him become a flustered mess.  I swear, if you don’t, I will.  

He’s already an absolute sweetheart, but when it comes to you?  It’s a whole new level of soft.  I’m talking like he’s going to be buying you little gifts all the time.  He’s a really good listener, so you could mention your favorite book once and he’s going to scour the internet for a collector’s copy, or you maybe briefly mentioned that you thought orchids were really pretty and this boy? He’s bringing you a bouquet of them on your next date.  

Your beauty is so ethereal to him, so Komori calls you his angel

He is just genuinely so proud to have you as his girlfriend??  Like, the fact that someone as incredible as you??? Wanted to date him?? It’s still a shock to him, but he’s so happy that you did.

Komori is a sucker for physical contact, so whether you’re in the comfort of your own home or out in public, he will be touching you in some way.

If you’re in public?  It really depends on your comfort level.  He’s down to have his arm wrapped lovingly around your shoulders, or if you’re not super into PDA, he’ll just hold your hand or just intertwine his pinky with yours.  If you guys are at a restaurant, he’ll brush his knee against yours if you're across from him.  If you’re next to him, he’ll just press his shoulder against yours.  Anything to be in constant contact with you.

But if you’re in private, this baby just wants cuddles.  Please face him while you two cuddle, because he honestly wants to give you all the sweet kisses on your nose and he’ll just stroke your cheek while the two of you just chat or enjoy each other's company.

I already said this earlier, but it needs to be repeated: SMOOCH HIS EYEBROWS

Komori likes to pretend that he hates it, but he’s kinda obsessed with it?  And if he’s having a bad day, he’ll just hint at you that he wants eyebrow kisses

He’s going to call you just to make sure that you’ve eaten.

Honestly, he’s a caller instead of a texter, just because he wants to hear your voice.  Is it a little inconvenient? Yes, but he thinks it’s worth it.

The two of you have probably sat on the phone for HOURS with very minimal talking, just the two of you going about whatever you’re doing, but just enjoying knowing that the other is there.

He doesn’t really get jealous?  He’s pretty relaxed and doesn’t really feel threatened by other people?  On the rare occasion that he is jealous?  He will walk up to you, plant a short kiss to your lips, and ask if you’re ready to go.  

Call him a shortened version of his name and he’s putty in your hands.  His favorite is ‘toya.’ But he’s also a weenie for really cute pet names like “pumpkin” or “sweetheart”

Say it with me everyone: Husband material.

Sakusa Kiyoomi

Oh our stoic boy

I would love to tell you that he’s super sweet behind closed doors, but?? He’s just not.  He still has his calm, collected front.

Honestly?  It’s literally just because he’s never had a girlfriend before.  He’s still getting used to having someone that isn’t related to him tell him that they love him, so you’ll have to give him a little time to get used to this whole relationship thing.

There was definitely mutual pining going on on both sides.  You couldn’t tell if he liked you and he’s really prideful, so he didn’t want to be rejected, so there was a good three? Months of the two of you “talking” but even then it was really just him standing around in the hallway with his friends, and the two of you would always greet each other.  Maybe? MAYBE do a little small talk?

“Are you excited for your tournament this weekend?”

“I guess so.  Are you coming?”

Yeah.  That’s seriously his idea of flirting.

You’re inevitably the one who caves and just asks him on a date.  So, insert one (1) shocked Sakusa because he didn’t realize that you liked him too??

N E WAY.  He’s not a fan of PDA, but I’m sure that’s not a surprise to anyone.  The most he’ll do is drape his jacket over your shoulders as a sign that your his

But here is the surprise!  Once he gets a little more comfortable with you, he likes the physical contact.  If he thought you were germ-riddled, he wouldn’t date you, so it’s pretty easy for him to be okay with the contact.  Play with his hair?? Oh he’s in love.  That is his absolute favorite feeling.

Mask kisses? Mask kisses.  Speaking of masks, you two probably have a few matching ones that he got you for anniversaries or things like that.

He’s a big big fan of butterfly kisses or just nuzzling his nose against you?  It’s really sweet and intimate to him, so expect a lot of those if you two ever cuddle.

He’s a TALL mans, but he really doesn’t mind leaning down to kiss you.  If anything he thinks it’s even cuter that you’re smaller than him.

I would simply like to say beware of jealous Kiyoomi.  He’s not violent, but he’s really cold?  He’ll come up behind the guy who’s talking to you, likely towering over him.  Everything about Sakusa would be radiating this really dark aura.  He would probably just grab you by the wrist and pull you away from the encounter. 

But, he gets really soft afterwards?  Like he just wants to hold you and he’ll tell you over and over that he loves you just so he can hear you say it back.  

Kiyoomi usually has these soft moments when he feels threatened or if he’s just had a bad day.  He gets really, for lack of a better word, subby.  He wants to be cuddled and have his hair played with.  Be big spoon PLEASE and shower him with compliments.

He hates fighting with you, but the thing is.  He’s not really a scream-fighter?  He just gets really irritated, which is probably worse? Because then he really says the wrong thing and you’ll probably just leave.  There’s no use arguing with him when he’s like that.  He’s stubborn and doesn’t like to be wrong.

But he’s usually the first to apologize.  Especially if you’re genuinely upset.  It’ll be HOURS before he does say sorry, but if you’re not around, he’ll call you just to say that he’s sorry and that he didn’t mean it.

And then proceeds to ask you if you want ice cream, because he’s coming over to beg for cuddles.

Oikawa Tooru

I think I’ve said this before, but I’ll say it again.

Oikawa Tooru is one of the biggest shit talkers that you will ever meet

I’m sorry did you actually think he was a player? No.  He’d be texting you about how much he wants to make out with you or ahem hit it until it breaks ahem but the moment the time comes?

FLUSTERED BOY

Like, he’s hiding his face in his hands so you can’t see just how red his cheeks are.  It’s not that he doesn’t want to, he’s just a pleaser and he’s nervous that you won’t like it.

Tooru is two completely different people when you’re out in public and when it’s just the two of you.

When he’s around others, he’s the cool, confident person that you first met.  He’ll have his arm around your waist, a smug smile on his lips, showing you off.  

But, alone?  Oh, this boy ;-; he makes me angsty so prepare yourselves

Tooru is super vulnerable when he’s just with you.  You’ll find him opening up a lot, especially if the two of you have been dating for a while or just have a really strong bond.  

He talks about his insecurities when it comes to volleyball and how he doesn’t feel like he’s good enough compared to Kageyama or some of the other incredible players on the court.

He’ll confide in you about he doesn’t feel like people see him. He thinks that people only care about him because he’s popular and attractive, not because of who he is as a person.

So, Oikawa likes to be the one being cuddled for sure.  He likes to lay on his bed with his head in your lap while you either play with his hair or just gently trace his features.

While he likes being told that he’s handsome, if you give him compliments on his personality, he’s a complete weenie.

Long drives with him are the BEST.  Especially night drives.  Those are his absolute favorite dates.  You two will go get fast food, drive out to the middle of nowhere, lay out a blanket to look at the stars, talking, eating chicken nuggets, sharing a Coke.  Yeah.  That’s the good shit right there.

Tooru. Likes. Podcasts. No, sorry.  He loves them.  

I think I mentioned this in a match-up, but he’s a horror/sci-fi junkie, so he really loves podcasts like “Welcome to Night Vale,” “Alice Isn’t Dead,” and “The Hidden Almanac.”

Watch horror films with him, please.  I promise, if you’re scared, he’ll let you bury your head in his chest.  He may laugh a little, but he will tell you that he thinks it’s cute.  If you don’t want to watch, that’s fine, but he’ll probably call you just to talk about it.

But, if you like that stuff too?  Movie marathons are a regular occasion for the two of you and you take turns sharing your favorites.

Oikawa is another one who just always wants to have contact with you.  He’ll kiss you in public, but he mainly likes to hold your hand.  He’ll swing them a little between the two of you as you walk and then bring your knuckles up to his lips just to give them a little kiss.  He kisses every knuckle bye

Every now and then his knee will get little sharp pains or just ache in general.  It can happen pretty randomly and he always feels guilty when it happens, because he needs to cut the date short, but he’s just in stupid amounts of pain and needs to lay down.

But, if you take care of him while he’s nursing his knee by bringing him water and painkillers, or pillows to prop his knee up, or even a heat pack to make it feel better?

He’s ready to wife you tf up.

Miya Atsumu

 I love Atsumu with my whole heart and I am so so sorry for hurting him

Unlike most people he’s around, Atsumu is a complete softie for you.  You’re his princess and he will treat you as such.  

He’ll bring you flowers ALL THE TIME.

Sometimes the notes attached will be really sweet.  Him telling you why he loves you or how happy he is to have you in his life.

Other times?  It’s probably some bullshit like “ur dumb” or some teasing remark about something ridiculous you said.  They’re all jokes and you get that, so they usually make you laugh.  You’ll probably give him a little “Hey!” of mock hurt and a little smack upside the head or on his chest, but you can’t hide the smile on your face, because despite the note, he did still get you flowers. 

Atsumu is a big big fan of PDA.  You know that thing from “To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before” where Peter puts his hand in Lara Jean’s back pocket?  Yeah.  He does that.  And he totally did not get it from that movie he did

He also likes to just have his arm around you so he can pull you into his side for maximum physical contact.

Wear his clothes and uhhhh atsumudotexe has stopped responding.  You just pull them off so well.  And if it’s a sweatshirt with his name on the back?  He will take a picture and it will be on his Snapchat/Instagram story and it will be his new lockscreen.

Call him ‘Mu.  He likes it so much more than any pet name you could ever give him.  Babe/baby is too common.  Sweetheart just doesn’t ft.  Honey/Hon isn’t really his vibe either.  He likes ‘Mu and you are the only person who’s allowed to call him that.  

He lets you wear his training jacket during games, just to kind of silently let everyone know that you’re his, but he’s so vocal about his relationship with you, that everyone already knows not to flirt with you

But on the off chance that they do?? Oh, dear.  He’s not even mean, he just has this really smug smile on his face when he approaches the guy talking to you.  He’ll step between the two of you and introduce himself, absolutely crushing the other guy's hand in a handshake, never letting his smile drop.  

Atsumu will ask what you’re talking about, inputting himself into the conversation, making some little snide comments to piss the other guy off.  He’s a slow burn kind of aggressive when he’s jealous.

He honestly isn’t super big into cuddling?  Like, if you want to, sure, but he’s never going to initiate cuddles.  

You’re more than welcome to sit in his lap facing him and bury your face in his chest or shoulder while rubs your back, though.  He’s a fan of that.  You just look really cute all snuggled against him.

Or if you want to lay between his legs on the couch?  Yeap.  He likes that too.  But those are really the only two ways he likes to cuddle.  

One of your favorite ways to spend your lazy days together is just listening to music, maybe dancing around, or singing, but mainly just laying around and just chatting or enjoying each other’s company

It’s because of this that he gave you a set of mix tapes for your six month anniversary.   And, yes.  There was one for each month you had been dating.  He’s really cheesy.  Don’t come for him.

[florianwirtz]

2020 is coming to an end and honestly I don’t really believe it. I still feel like I’m processing events happening in May. But I wanna say that I’m proud that you made it through that year and hope many good things will come to you in 2021. It was an awful situation for all of us and I hope you are not too harsh on yourself if you didn’t achieve want you wanted due to what is going on right now.

I want to take the time and say thank you for making the majority of my time a good one. Regardless of what is going on sometimes, I’m glad I got to meet so many cool people here, friends I wanna keep for life and started to treasure. I’ve been keeping myself lowkey the past month but I hope you know that I still appreciate and love you.

now my list of special people in my heart. I hope we will see us in 2021 again and thank you for everything. ❤️

@modricmio - we haven’t been in much contact lately but I hope you are well! I know I can always count on you and I love you. After all these years, I’m still grateful that I get to call you my friend. <3

@trentalexanders - milaa! Although we’ve been knowing us for quite a long time already, I feel like this year we grew particularly close! I feel like we have the perfect banter rivalry friendship where we can have a mix of banter and serious talk! It’s always so fun to talk with you and push my James Justin propaganda (I’m sorry for being quiet for a while but I hope you know it’s always gonna be him) 😘 #teamjj 

@dancefaeries - I’m still mad that your first association with me is probably that Harvey Barnes pic 🙃 because I associate you with Boilerman and I think that’s waaaay cooler (we probably should do a rate the mascot list one day) Also your awfully bland taste in men. Regardless, it’s always good to see you on my dash even if most posts consists of complaining about how you’re much older than all of us and we’re all babies 😂

@footballffbarbiex - Amy, I hope you are well and didn’t forget me! It’s been an awfully long time since the last time we talked to each other but I haven’t forgotten you! I’m still sorry for never turning in my piece for the writing challenge (maybe one day I can make it up to you 😬) but I hope you know that you are still one of the most talented writers out there! I also enjoy our talks about how salad should be eaten and tomatoes shouldn’t exist. Because having good food opinions automatically makes you the best!

@stydiaherondale - Meliiii my love! Oder sollte ich sagen Jadon’s love? 😂 ich erinnere mich immer noch gern an den Moment zurück als du mich einfach mal angeschrieben hast und ich finde immer noch, dass es einer der besten Momente war. Weil wir zusammen gerade versuchen Erwachsensein zu meistern und beide iwie keinen Plan davon haben. Auch wenn du gefühlt 80.000 Clubs supportest, für mich bleibst du der einzige Dortmundfan den ich akzeptiere. 💕

@neckarinselstrand - es ist immer wieder schön dich hier wiederzusehen! Lia,  ich hoffe du hast 2020 gut überstanden und wir werden wieder tolle Konversationen in Spanisch haben nächstes Jahr 😁 Theoretisch sollte meins ja besser sein, aber ich muss sagen, ich kann immer noch nicht viel mehr 😂

@theweatha - we haven’t been much in contact lately but I hope you know that I still appreciate you! I’m proud of you going through with that idea of the podcast as it’s always a pleasure listening to you and Liz. I hope 2020 wasn’t too messed up for you and I hope you are well xo. May we talk more in 2021 again!

@julianbrandtrelated  - Ich weiß du nutzt kein tumblr mehr (ohne dich ists nicht dasselbe) aber ich will trotzdem sagen, dass du einer der coolsten Menschen bist, die ich hier getroffen haben (man findet echt selten Leute, die 100% immer das Gleiche fühlen wie man selbst haha). Ich hoffe, dir gehts gut und wir reden mal wieder öfter demnächst ❤️

@ehrenbrandt - was soll ich noch zu dir sagen haha? Mein Tag wär nicht mehr derselbe ohne den content den du mir jeden Tag schickst oder unsere täglichen Zusammenbrüche und Jubel über Leverkusen. Auch wie du immer wieder mein liveblogging über United tolerierst, ist einfach das Beste und ohne dich Fußball zu gucken, ist seltsam! Dass du mich am Anfang des Jahres noch besuchen konntest, war eines der besten Dinge in diesem Jahr ❤️ allein die unzähligen Insider, die währenddessen passiert sind, werd ich nie wieder vergessen hahaha!  auf das wir uns hoffentlich bald wiedersehen <3

@tottenhamsstuff  - you’re a weirdo. In a good way because so am I. Will I ever tolerate your taste in men? no - but if we’d agree on everything, it wouldn’t be the same between us, so I’m fine with that. I hope you are doing well with the situation going on at your country right now and I am sorry for not reaching out sooner. I’m glad I got to know you 🤍

@danieljamesmufc  - my favourite welsh ❤️ the reason why I always have an eye on the Welsh nt and I am an honorary fan! I’m glad I got to know you and although you rep a shit footballer, I think that’s fine. Also us sharing the same bland taste in men and knowing it never gets old. Grateful for our endless chats this year and hopefully one day we do will see each other, regardless if it’s in Germany or Wales. I hope you are doing well X

@zalimaaa - so actually I have no words for you because I feel like I’ve already said everything I ever wanted to say to you. But I will never stop saying how much I actually love you, the way you always care about me and help me out of every life situation, it’s hard to imagine what I would do without you. The first time we facetimed or when we rant about life or literally everything else, it feels like we’ve known each other for an eternity. I’m always here for you and the day we meet each other will be one of the best in my life. You always know how to make me the happiest, thank you for everything in 2020 <3

@emwritesfootball  - you know what you’re annoying but in a good way. Annoying because you will never stop to take that name from the chipmunk out of your mouth. Regardless of that, you made time during lockdown bearable and I will never forget the fun chats we used to have but also the rather serious ones! I’m grateful that I got to know you and hope 2021 has something better for you in mind! Also you’re one hell of a writer and thank you for dedicating so many pieces to me (even those with the wrong person 😘), I always feel honored to be a source of inspo haha.

@shockintha - Alice!! With you, everything is fun and positive and I feel like everyone needs a person like you in life. I feel like I already said what I always wanted to say to you on your birthday but I will say once again how much I appreciate you. I know I can always turn to you about literally every topic because we either absolutely agree with each other or have a vastly different opinion about it. And I feel like these dynamics are what makes our friendship so wonderful. Thanks for always seeing the positive things in life when no one else does. I love you and hopefully we will see each other soon! <3

@idiotsfc - Alicia!! Nothing will beat your weird taste in men but since it’s so amusing and making my day, I’m fine with it 😂 thank you for always sending me lovely messages in my inbox, I love and appreciate you so much and hope you are doing well 💕

@magicmartinelli  - I know you don’t like sappy texts so I will try to keep myself short. I think it’s super cool that you like my taste in music and literally every song I send to you and how you started liking CHVRCHES because of me ☺️ the way we are secretly both sore losers and get mad about our clubs is what connects us. See ya in 2021 and congrats for avoiding relegation so far!

@donnyvandered - I feel like I’m repeating myself but it’s true that getting to know you was one of my highlights this year too. I have so much love to you and I feel like we are always on the same wave length when talking. Together with Radia we just vibe so well and I feel like if we’d ever do a triple meeting we’d get along so well. Facetiming with you both was so fun and hopefully we can repeat this much more often next year. I love you and I hope you are doing well. Thank you for everything and see you in 2021 ❤️

@duckysweater - seeing you in my inbox every time I’m here, makes me so happy and I hope you know that I have so much love for you although I don’t say it very often! You deserve the world and more, with you it’s never a bad day here, thank you for everything you do! <3

@kingkepaff - Lily you are a very sweet person and I hope you know that you are loved! You are always brightening my day when I see you on my dash and it makes me happy that you’re always in my notifications and thoughts. Love you lots!

Other blogs I like a lot (give them a follow too):

@fredtheredsarmy @tierneystescobag @jackiexxgroenen @lucystani4th @giirlinterrupted @footballerimaginess @felltoabove @yonceutd @dioogoo @inlovewithamess @barkleysbabe @turtlelightwood @songofachillespdf @leahwilliamson @joytayloranya @danieljamesthighs @skb7 @lea-schuller @ansu--fatsi @elleeceunknown @ivanafuso @farmers-league​

I also wanna say thank you to those mutuals who unfortunately deactivated or are inactive. You are always in my thoughts and I hope you are doing well.

Another special shoutout to my arsenal anon and german learning anon. I don’t know what you are up to but I hope you’re having a great time, it’s always good to have you in my inbox!

Also any other reoccurring anon who is always making my day or simply needs to rant, you make it worth leaving the anon feature turned on!

In the end, I love all of you very much. Thanks for making my tumblr experience the way it is

over and out, Liv XO

[too-attached-to-fiction]

leave a message | r. l.

Masterlist here.

Part 2

Word count: 1130

Requested: no

Summary: Modern!Non-magic!au where reader calls Lupin sometimes to hear his voice after they break up after a few years of being together.

A/N: I got emotional over the 36 questions musical podcast, especially the song Question 36, and realized that this really fit with Remus and it’s mostly angst with a fluffy ending :) song can be found here.

~~~

“Hey Remus, it’s me. (Y/N). I miss you. A lot. Could we meet up for coffee? I think I need the closure.” 

~~~

“Hi. It’s me again. I saw a wolf figurine in one of those little shops down Picadilly Circuit.. You know, that stationary store that I loved to visit? The one I always dragged you to but you were the one that always begged not to leave? I haven’t been there in a while, but I went today. The owner saw me looking at the figurine and she looked at me with a sad smile. God, even she knows we’ve broken up. Or maybe I’m just acting that mopey. I think I stared at it for five minutes before she snapped me out of it. I know I said this last time, but I miss you. It sounds stupid but I call to hear your voice from the voicemail box, even though it’s the same every time. And I wish just once, you’d pick up.” 

~~~

“Hey. It’s (Y/N). I’m coming back from the postal office empty handed. I just dropped off a box of your stuff, and I’m sending it to James and Lily. I don’t know where you’re staying, and I don’t think you want me to know. But everything’s in that box. Most of the photos we took, all of your shirts and sweats and underwear and… God, I’m crying again, fuck-” 

~~~

“It’s midnight, and I’m definitely tipsy. I told myself I wouldn’t call you anymore, but it’s New Years, and I should be out with friends, but I’m alone. Remember last new years when we were with everyone? Frank, Alice, Sirius, Peter, James and Lily? Frank and Alice are kind enough to still stick around, but they’re busy preparing for the baby. They said James and Lily are having one, too. We talked about that all the time, remember? We’d be lying in bed, and one of us would mention it, and you always said you’d be an awful father and I always said that you’d be wonderful because I never thought any kid of ours would hate you. Even after all this, I still don’t hate you. This time last year, you pulled me under a spare sprig of mistletoe right before the clock struck 12, inside when everyone was on the roof, waiting for the fireworks. But we’re not with each other anymore, and that fucking sucks.” 

~~~

“One month in and I’m breaking my new years resolution by calling you. But it’s been a while and I felt like hearing your voice, so, sue me, I guess. You still haven’t changed your voicemail message, and I can still hear it, so maybe you’re keeping these voicemails, and you definitely haven’t blocked my number. So, uh… Thanks. For keeping it open. Okay, this is weird. Let me just-” 

~~~

“Wooh. Okay. It’s March 20th, our anniversary, and I, (Y/N) (Y/L/N), don’t know how to get over you. It’s been three months, which isn’t much recovery time, but Alice says I need to stop moping. I’m clearly moving forward, but I feel like I’m fighting every step of the way. But I’m going to keep going. I’m putting one foot in front of the other. In case you haven’t noticed, this will be my last message, hopefully. I need to stop looking at what we were because I can’t go back. And, um, wow. I think I feel better just saying that I’m going to stop looking back. It’s weird, but I feel lighter. 

“I’m going to travel for a bit, see where my feet take me. I think I need time away from England, and maybe the distance will help with, you know. Everything. 

“But if you’re listening… Just in case…

“I love you. I think I always will.” 

~~~

Remus looked at his phone, noting that another voicemail message from (Y/N) had appeared in his notifications. He frowned, staring at the notification for a few minutes. 

“It was your anniversary today, wasn’t it?” Lily, who was four months along, looked at Remus with a sad, understanding expression on her face. “Another voicemail?” 

“Yeah.” Remus croaked out. Lily moved to sit next to the man, who was still staring at the phone in his hands. 

“You two never talked after the fight, did you?” She placed a hand on his shoulder as he shook his head. 

“How could I, Lils? I couldn’t bear looking at her in pain, knowing that I was the one who did that. She deserves someone who isn’t going to hurt her all the time.” Lily’s lips tugged into a frown, but she didn’t say anything as she rubbed her hand up and down his back. 

“I think you should listen to the voicemails.” Lily suggested quietly. “You don’t have to if you really don’t want to, but I think it could be good for you. Closure, and everything.” 

“You know it doesn’t work like that. I don’t care if she wants me back, she doesn’t deserve me.” Remus sighed as Lily stood up. 

“It doesn’t matter if she deserves you or not. She still wants you.” 

Remus trudged upstairs, finally opening his phone and pressing his voicemail box. 

He hoped Lily was right.

~~~

“If you’re listening… Just in case… I love you. I think I always will.” 

Remus closed his eyes. The line repeated in his head over and over, her voice still the same way he remembered it to be. 

Could they start over? After everything they’d put each other through, could they really start over and pretend nothing ever happened? 

He pressed the call button before his brain had the chance to think it over. He hoped she would pick up… 

“Hello?” 

“Hi, (Y/N).” 

“Remus?” 

“Yeah. Hey, listen, I-” 

“I’m at the airport already. My flight’s boarding as we speak.” 

Remus felt his throat tighten. “Where are you going?” 

“I was planning on going to Japan for a while, actually. Nothing’s actually stopping me from going right now, you know?” 

“I want to talk to you. In person.” 

“Remus, that’s sweet, but-” 

“I’ll meet you over there.” 

“At the airport? We’re leaving in half an hour-” 

“No. Japan.” 

He heard a sniffle on the other side of the line. “You’re serious?” 

“I’m Remus.” He joked weakly, hearing her chuckle softly. “I’ll join you, in a few days. Can you let me know where you’re staying?” 

“What if this doesn’t go according to your plans?” You asked. “It’s really expensive and I’d hate for you to go all the way out there just to-” 

“You said you love me, didn’t you?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Then that’s all I need. Listen, send me the name of your hotel, and I’ll be there as soon as I can.” 

[likesomekindofcheese]

can i get a fic if gwil treating a pregnant reader suuuuuper gently and softly cuz she’s really pregnant and he’s like gotta protect both of my babies 🥺🥺 just some mega gwil fluff if you would be so kind, love ya you’re amazing

Yeeeesss! I am all here for Gwil fluff! The man is my weakness!!!

You and Gwil had been married for a bit. You knew you both wanted kids at some point, but you weren’t sure when it would happen.

Then one day you woke up and...you knew you were different. You were feeling different. Checking your calendar, you had missed your period for two weeks...

And of course- Gwil is a guy so he doesn’t keep track of it. So when you tell him, it’s been two weeks, he goes “really???” His forehead is pale, his hair is messy, and he has glasses on.

“I...I’ll go to the store...” he says, barely putting on sweatpants and a hoodie, nearly knocking over one of the ferns by his window and putting it back.

He is back in about an hour with several tests and heart racing, you go to your shared bathroom.

Those minutes waiting for the test to come back feel like an hour. He grabs your hand, saying it’s gonna be okay.

All three come up positive.

So when you find out you’re pregnant, you almost go numb. You get dizzy, and you need to catch yourself at the edge of your bed.

Gwil starts blinking rapidly. Then he lets out a breath and he smiles, eyes tearing up. He looks at you and begins to hold and kiss you like there’s no tomorrow.

Both of you are crying. You’re so scared. And yet you want this so badly. You feel not ready and yet ready at the same time.

Gwilym even puts a hand to your stomach, cradling it gently. Already he gets down and gives your stomach a kiss, his glasses feeling cold against your tummy.

You both immediately begin thinking of names. Often, you fall asleep, hand on your stomach and his hand on your stomach as well, listing different ideas. Obviously, he thinks of Welsh names and you give your consent.

But he is incredibly protective of you. One time you were just out walking to get some fresh air and exercise together...and a biker sped by. He immediately picked you up and carried you over to the other side.

You spat out “G-Gwil! What was that for?” Your face is flushed.

He looks to the biker and yells “watch where you’re going, git! And ring your bell next time!”

And he whips his head to you and says “he was biking so fast! And...I have to keep both of my babies safe” he says with a worried look on his face.

You can’t help but feel moved and you kiss him and bury your face in his chest, not caring that it’s in a public space.

But now you begin crying at everything. the hormones overtaking your body.

You cry in the morning, after nausea from morning sickness. He will get you some water, cool down your forehead when you vomit and insist you stay in bed.

When both of you watch the television during a major soccer game. The camera zooms in to the audience as they cheer, waving flags and decked in scarves. In the middle is a little girl, her hair in pigtails and with a red scarf around her to protect her from the cold. Sitting, her legs not big enough to touch the ground, she waves her little banner. Her cheeks glowing from the cold and smiling, kicking her chubby legs.

Immediately, you begin bawling. Gwil holds you and shushes you, although he keeps one eye on the score.

“It’s just...she’s so precious! And small! And our baby is like that! She’s gonna be so cute! Maybe we should name her Alys, like Alice in Wonderland and put her in a blue dress and pinafore and take pictures! But...how can we do anything? And how can I take care of herrrrr?” you sob.

“Cariad, we don’t know if it’s a girl yet...” he chuckles.

“Look at how warm she looks! She’s so snug and safe! How’re we gonna protect herrr?” you sob.

Plus Gwil is all for midnight cravings and runs. He loves adventures like that bc he’s a Saggitarius.

So when you wake up and say you are desperate for Oreo ice cream, he gives you a wink with a cheeky smile and goes to get it.

At some point the local restaurant you like you develop a huge hankering for a particular dish. Gwil gets the number on speed dial and says “the usual.”

And soon that steaming dish of your choice is right there, warmth peeling on your lap as you both eat.

He would be so careful on the tube, loudly saying “Excuse me, there’s a pregnant woman who needs a seat!” and whoever is currently on the seat stands up like a shot.

And he begins driving like a grandma, watching everything. Insisting on not even listening to music or a podcast even to be focused.

“I just...I need to make sure both of you are okay!” he says.

He even goes back to baking cakes. 

He just wants to find a flavor you enjoy.

And when there is one you love- made with little decorations including an icing squeezing out your name and little shavings of flowers, you taste it and light up. He almost melts.

He always helps you out of showers and baths, even though you insist you’re fine, as well as downstairs.

Plus he worships your body during more intimate moments. Knowing it was especially sacred now, that weeks were passing. Your stomach was growing and your breasts were tender. When you looked at yourself in the mirrors, you didn’t recognize yourself.

Then finally, the weeks are running down to when you need to be taken to the hospital. Both of you are jumpy, even so much as hearing a door slam on television makes you both jump.

Gwil even turns down a couple small gigs during this time because he insists being there when you give birth.

But a week early, you feel a rush of water down your legs...and it’s not urine.

Gwil’s face turns white and he sputters out “oh shit” at the sight.

He helps you down the steps in a rush, even voicing out “left foot, right, left, right, left.”

And he keeps driving slow even though water is trickling down your legs and you start to feel a contraction.

“Gwil...please...please go faster...” you beg.

“I’m going at the right speed, alright!” he says, getting to a higher register of his voice like “those are my testicles!”, my favorite line of his. Anyways...

Once you get into the hospital, breathless and excited, you get checked in both of you are breathless and smiling. He helps you into the seat and never leaves your side.

“But Gwil...you’re gonna see my body in...in a different state and...it’s gonna be ugly...” you insist, in between contractions as they wheel you in.

“I don’t care...if there is anything I can do...to help...to keep you safe...I’ll do it,” he promises, kissing your forehead.

The labor feels like forever, and although it is a process that’s bloody and full of the extremities of the body, Gwil holds your hand and talks you through it.

And soon enough, although it feels like forever, you are safe at the end and give birth to a healthy baby.

Seeing it’s face, you start sobbing again. It’s red and mushed, not yet “Cute” but the most beautiful sight you’ve ever seen.

You hold it and so does Gwil, both of you smiling and sobbing.

“Hello there...I’m your daddy...and this is your mummy...”

As you both sit in the hospital room provided, your little one cooing in a bed next to yours, Gwil falls on the chair, his head nodding off. You smile. You have heard birth stories before. And no matter how long or hard the process is, the father always falls asleep first.

Cards spouting congratulations are surrounding your desk and you can make out his brown head and pointed cheekbones over them.

But you lean your neck and say to him, “Gwilym...”

“Hm?”

“Thank you...for being with me the whole process...” you glance at the little bundle near you “for protecting both of us...”

“Well, I love the baby... and I love you, Y/N...”

“I love you too...”

Hooo boy! That was a big one. I hope you liked it!

Taglist: @queenlover05 @stardust-killer-queen

[whatiwillsay]

Hey Cam! I am absolutely obsessed with your blog, and really appreciate how open you are to multiple interpretations and aren’t wedded to a single view. Straight fan here too btw haha! I have been a massive fan of both Taylor and Dianna and cannot believe how blind I was all those years to see past their friendship. I have fallen hard down the swiftgron rabbit hole ever since I came across your blog a few weeks ago, and even more so with the updated masterpost that turned me into a sad, beautiful, tragic mess because what those girls had was so real and special and thank you for piecing it together in its totality. 

Since we’re all mad here, I thought I’d give some clownery of my own a shot. I know folklore may not have the most swiftgron material, but I am convinced that the latter part of cardigan could also be a nod to Dianna– specifically from “I knew you, tried to change the ending Peter losing Wendy.” Allow me to elaborate. In your recent podcast (loved it btw) you and Zara pointed out the whole Peter/Neverland thing which is swiftgron territory in my opinion. “Leaving like a father”– both of their parents are divorced and ‘Better Man’ is also evidence of this. “Running like water”– I know you said not everything related to water is Dianna, but I still feel that Taylor uses words very intentionally in that sense. “When you are young they assume you know nothing…and I knew you’d come back to me”– reminds me of ‘This love’ “When you’re young you just run, but you come back to what you need” (bless my poor swiftgron heart). “I knew you’d linger like a tattoo kiss”– not so sure about this one, could be Karlie with the whole golden tattoo thing from ‘Dress’, but Dianna does have tattoos/removed em *coughs in Alice*, and I also think tattoo kiss is evocative of permanence– reminds me of what Taylor said with someone floating in and out of your life, hence the use of linger. “I knew you’d haunt all of my what ifs”– reminds me of ‘The 1’– “If one thing had been different, would everything be different (swiftgron nation, won’t take no for an answer). “Smell of smoke would hang around this long”– Dianna does smoke but this might be a bit reachy (then again what isn’t lol). “Chasing shadows in the grocery line”– parallels with ‘Stay stay stay’– “you carry my groceries and now I’m always laughing” (don’t know how sure we are about this one according to the updated masterpost but I’m just going with swiftgron here). “You’d be standing in my front porch light”– screams HYGTG, This Love, Betty (except Tay might be James standing on the porch, but it’s worth noting that she’s “been there a few times” ‘Style’). How can I forget, “chase two girls lose the one”– THE 1, I MEAN HELLO. Finally, when she says “you’d come back to me…you’d come back to me” that might be for Karlie, she then goes on to say “AND you’d come back to me, and you’d come back to me” to Dianna. This is all just me being a clown but some of these lyrics just scream Kaylorgron or whatever and just thought I’d share. (apologies for the length). submission ⬆️⬆️⬆️

it’s completely possible that dianna is part of the love triangle because ofc she’s part of taylor’s story i don’t always read too much into lyric parallels (rain is in many of taylor’s songs including clean and how you get the girl which are both dianna songs- sparks fly has rain AND green eyes but we know that song was written before dianna was even on glee so that parallel is meaningless.  clean is taylor comparing her lover to drugs that she has to get clean from but then in don’t save me (about karlie) “my drug is my baby” all over again.

so lately i haven’t been reading into lyric parallels TOO much (though i 100% clowned before and totally have and i encourage it cause it is really fun)

however i DO think sometimes lyric parallels do help prove who a song might be about it’s just hard to know when!  so maybe in this case you are completely right! 

and tysm for taking the time to write all of that out and for listening to the pod and reading the blog!  i’m glad you’re enjoying!

[nellie-elizabeth]

tagged by: @hmgfanfic. <3

zodiac: Uhhh so I know I’m a virgo but I literally had to look up the rising/moon thing that people are always talking about. Apparently I’m “Sagittarius Ascendant” and my moon sign is Aries? I don’t know what any of this means but I have been told by people who pay attention to this stuff that I am SUCH a virgo.

height: 6′0. Or just under, like, 5′11 and 3/4.

last thing i googled: a map of north India so I could make sure that a city was where I thought it was, for a throw-away line in CPFO’s epilogue.

song stuck in my head: “work work ANGELICAAA work work ELIZA... AND PEGGY.” I was re-listening to the Hamilton soundtrack in the car yesterday for the first time in quite a while, and now those Schuyler Sisters won’t leave me alone. :)

number of followers: uhhh listen, I made this blog in 2012 and it’s basically just a smorgasbord of things I’ve liked over the years, so I’m going to guess most of the people who follow me just haven’t unfollowed out of laziness as I abandoned the hyper-fixation they followed me for in the first place. I do post cat videos, so maybe that explains the 1,025 people who have apparently stuck around.

amount of sleep: I am BABY and do not function well without sleep, so I usually try and get a solid 7.5 minimum. I don’t have insomnia. It’s hard for me to get to sleep with distractions - ticking clocks, other people in the bed with me, etc., but once I’m out, I’m really out and I sleep through the night.

lucky number: 444. Specifically the time, 4:44. It’s an inside joke with my family and it started YEARS BEFORE that Jay-Z album and has nothing to do with it. I am not superstitious, this isn’t a bible thing or a numerology thing, it’s literally just the time “4:44″. I have this number tattooed on my body and so do my parents and both of my sisters. If you happen to notice when it’s 4:44PM, you  have to send a text to the family group chat, it’s the law.

favorite song: I don’t “listen” to “music” like people are supposed to. Mostly I listen to Broadway soundtracks or podcasts if I have something playing. SO, I don’t know if this is my #1 *favorite* song, but I’ll put forward “Don’t Stop Me Now” by Queen, because if I’m in a bad mood or sleepy or I’m trying to work out and the thought of getting on the treadmill seems like a death sentence, I can just listen to this song and it immediately makes me super hyped and smiley and basically just injects a happy mood directly into my brain via earholes.

favorite instrument: Piano, and it’s for pretentious reasons, because I’m really interested in like... the language of music, and I love how deceptively simple a piano is, it’s literally just buttons and you push the button and sound comes out, you don’t have to train your fingers or get callouses or learn breath control like with brass or reed instruments. And when you’re learning to read music, the piano is this very handy and simple to understand guide, where each button makes a progressively higher note, and you can visualize the chords and scales as you’re learning them in such a straight-forward way. So piano is an instrument that anyone can play fairly easily with a bit of fiddling around, BUT, to play it well takes an enormous amount of study, and there’s a lot of subtlety that goes into a masterful performance that you wouldn’t exactly expect when you’re starting out. I used to play, but I haven’t for years and I’ve really been missing it recently.

dream job: This question stresses me out lol. I think I’m comfortable not having my job be the thing I’m the most passionate/excited about. I go to work and I enjoy my work and then I leave myself time to live my life comfortably outside of work. That’s kind of the way I like it. However, I’ve often thought about the dream *vibe* of a job, and since my name is Dani I should just go ahead and admit that whenever I’m watching Critical Role content I wish I could trade places with another Dani, the amazing Dani Carr, and work with that cast and have this fun, exciting, creatively fulfilling job with a group of people who all care about telling stories. I don’t want to be Marisha, or any of the other cast members, I specifically want to be an administrative/support role but in that kind of environment. (I used to be a stage manager and it was 100% my jam, if that helps to explain what I’m talking about).

aesthetic: I have no aesthetic! The clothing I wear? It’s just hand-me-downs from my mother, and things my mom buys me because I’m allergic to buying clothes. My house? Filled with furniture my grandfather crafted for me, and a fireplace and mantle made by my dad. So my aesthetic is the things my family has put around me because I’m too lazy to cultivate an aesthetic. I suppose, vaguely, I like sort of cottage/cabin vibes, like, exposed wood beams and fall colors and shit like that? Idk? And books? Like, the decoration in my house is mostly super nerdy shit like a map of middle earth or art pieces I bought at comic-con, and then BOOKS. I have two rather large bookshelves and then several more smaller ones, all of which are lovingly arranged, and there are books on coffee tables and windowsills and all about.

favorite animal noises: the noise my cat Alice makes when I put a hand on her while she’s sleeping, it’s like “mmmrrrph?” and it’s basically an activation noise, powering on the cat. Often she starts purring after making this noise, if I leave my hand on her and she’s comfy. Melts my heart every time. 

random: Staring at the word “random” made me suddenly convinced I’m the most boring person on the planet, like, what am I gonna say to the internet that you all don’t already assume about me? I play D&D? I’ve seen every episode of every series of Star Trek?

Oh, how about this one: I’ve used this fun fact out in the wild often with hilarious results. I can lick my own elbow. I am not otherwise particularly flexible, but I can contort my arm up to my face so that I can touch my elbow with my tongue, which apparently less than 1% of all humans can do. I tell people this in ice-breaker situations, and depending on the professionalism of the environment, I always get the joy of people’s face journeys, wondering if it would be inappropriate to ask me to demonstrate, or if they could get away with trying it to see if they’re capable. Some of you reading this probably just tried as well lol. Tell me if you discover a new amazing talent! :)

Uhhh I don’t know who has been tagged! I feel like I’ve seen everyone do this already, but please jump on it if you would like to join!

[dawittiest]

depression tips for when you’re casually rotting

aka when youre so depressed heating up an instant meal on a pan feels like Too Much

i had this in my drafts for a while, and since the era of tumblr seems to be dusking i might as well post it now—

i love those depression tips that are circled around on tumblr but every single one of them would be a lot on a mild depression day but when it hits me hard its impossible to even entertain. so i decided to share my own tips for the Depression Apocalypse

i sorted them into area of life categories for easier use

1. feeding yourself

gotta stay nutrished! but how do if making the simpliest meal and chewing feels like torture? the answer is this shit my dudes:

protein coctails! they’re /extremely/ easy to make, you just gotta mix it with water and thats it! you dont need to do anything else!

pluses:

– theyre literally all proteins so they’ll keep you nourished

– you can store them for months and if you havent done groceries for weeks you can still make those

– they come in different flavors

if youre feeling extravagant you can add some sugar and milk and microwave them, they taste better then (tho i realize that having not spoiled milk in the middle of a depression spell is short of a miracle)

option two: buttered popcorn! put this baby in a microwave and you have warm, filling carbs! plus it will feel like a treat

also orange juice counts as breakfast (or lunch, or really, really late lunch)

2. hydrating yourself

this one i stole from another list but: keep an empty water bottle so you can refill it every day and keep it with you in your Depression Nest. i find that if i keep it close to me i dont even need to remember to drink i just do it authomatically

making tea (bagged is easier) counts as a special treat

3. hygiene

keep three supercomfy sweatshirts and try to alternate between them at least every few days

instead of shower you can just wipe your face and armpits with water or wet wipes, it really makes a difference. this is level hard but try to comb your hair at least every other day. it doesnt need to look pretty, just so it wont tangle into knots (i know they take too much energy to untangle later). if you cant manage that, at least put your hair in a bun.

when you have a nice shower that feels more like an indulgence than a chore, do everything under it. seriously. wash your teeth in a shower, pee, comb your hair. it will trick your brain into thinking its just a one thing and you can accomplish more.

4. environment

you know how you spend days in bed in your Depression Nest and everything is sweaty and disgusting? if you can, try to make your depression nest outside of bed, ex. make a blanket nest on your couch. that way when you finally feel like you can sleep you wont have to do it in digusting sheets (bc you know they're not getting changed).

scented candles! scented candles really do wonders. even in your rotting dirty nest you’ll feel like in a spa

level hard: kick all your dirty messy shit into one big ass pile. you dont need to sort it, you can just kick it to release some frustration, just so /some/ floor is visible

5. rest

sleeping? ahaha? i dont know her. if you lie in bed and close your eyes and listen to podcasts for eight hours, it counts as resting (i recommend alice isnt dead and the black tapes bc theyre awesome).

6. keeping healthy

it would be great if you could do simple stretching exercises, but if you could do that, you woudnt need this list, would you? standing up and going to the toilet/moving from bed to couch counts as physical exercise. opening windows and inhaling some air for a moment counts as going outside.

7. keeping your spirits up

those grounding exercises to lie down on the ground, close your eyes and feel your body or open a window and take in the world a moment? they do work. so does a breathing square – you can make it all fancy so its more fun

when youre feeling guilty for not doing anything you can make an easy to do list for future – planning is a chore too! if it just makes you panicked, you can do 1 simple task – rinsing one dirty spoon counts as a chore. so does taking out a new trash bag for Later. watching a movie from your netflix list (not a random ass new one) counts as a chore too, these are the rules. if youre feeling like shit for not being Creative, writing down your feelings in a journal counts as writing (drawing your emotions with crayons like youre in the third grade works too). if you dont have the energy to pick up a pen, recording yourself speaking on your phone works too

8. managing self-harm

this one was suggested to me by my doctor and i haven’t actually tried that, but when you get a violent urge to self-harm, try putting ice cubs on your bare skin. it’s not exactly the same but can soothe the craving a bit

feel free to add your own tips! take care of yourself as best as you can, and don’t beat yourself up when it feels like pulling your teeth. managing your mental health is hard. it gets better with time, just hold on

[crowdvscritic]

round up // MAY 20

When the going gets rough, I find I keep coming back to two kinds of movies: Romantic comedies and action adventures. For whatever reason, those are my comfort food, even if I’m watching someone get their heart broken or fight for their lives.

Hopefully you’re finding small ways to make your days brighter with books, movies, music, and shows that either help you fight or forget some of the darkness around us for a time. These were a few that made my month brighter, including a number of rom coms and action flicks.

May Crowd-Pleasers

SNL at Home

I almost cried for joy when I learned SNL would finish out its season even though it wouldn’t be in Studio 8H—it felt like a glimmer of a lot of joys we’ve lost in the last few months. While the At Home episodes have an odd rhythm compared to the usual broadcast (that live audience makes a difference, especially during “Weekend Update”), I still laughed every week. A few highlights:

“Bailey at the Movies”

“Dreams”

“Grocery Store”

“MasterClass Quarantine Edition” + “Another MasterClass Qurantine Edition”

“RBG Workout”

Watch those skits, then enjoy an infographic-heavy review of the season from Vulture.

Extraction (2020)

Is this a groundbreaking action movie? Heck no, but watching Chris Hemsworth fight to save a kid with a supporting appearance from David Harbour made for a great Sunday evening. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 6/10

The Wedding Singer (1998)

Somehow I’ve never gotten around to this rom com, perhaps because Adam Sandler’s sense of humor usually isn’t my cup of tea. But here he replaces the gross out jokes with a sweet chemistry with Drew Barrymore. I liked it so much I gave 50 First Dates a shot, but, uh, I only recommend movies I finish. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 6.5/10

Baby Boom (1987)

Another not-innovative genre entry, but a satisfying one. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 7/10

Action Movies set in 1700s America: The Last of the Mohicans (1992) + The Patriot (2000)

Sometimes I don’t want a complicated villain—sometimes I just want Jason Isaacs (aka Lucius Malfoy) to be so evil I want Mel Gibson to take him down with a tomahawk. The Last of the Mohicans: Crowd - 8/10 // Critic: 8.5/10 // The Patriot - Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 8.5/10

Taylor Swift City of Lover concert (2020)

I’ve seen Ms. Swift live twice and have loved the stadium tour spectacle. But an intimate show heavy on acoustic performance reminds me how well her songwriting holds up no matter the production

Prop Culture (2020)

I know, I know: Disney+ original series are well executed, long-form advertising. But can you find better-executed advertising than Jason Schwartzman chatting about the Mary Poppins snow globe at a piano with Richard Sherman, the character he played in Saving Mr. Banks? These staged treasure hunts for Disney movie props may be a bit self-important, but they’re also a dose of nostalgia and lessons about the technical side of filmmaking.

This Drake Bell TikTok

If you get this, you get this.

Silverado (1985)

My weird New Year’s resolution? To watch Westerns, a genre I’ve basically skipped until now. Silverado feels like a throwback to classic Westerns with a modern sensibility and more laughs. Plus, baby Kevin Costner and Jeff Goldblum in a fur coat! Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 7.5/10

Chromatica by Lada Gaga (2020)

Turns out I’m not just a fan of the A Star Is Born/duets with Tony Bennet/Joanne Lady Gaga. I’ve always been cooler on her electronic-dance-club Top 40 hits than her recent guitar-and-vocal stylings, but I can’t stop listening to album-long jam sesh. It’s old Gaga meets 2020 beats meets Depeche Mode/Flock of Seagulls/Madonna/New Order of the ‘80s.

The Heat (2013)

Two of my favorite funny ladies teaming up was—not surprisingly—a win. No one delivers a kooky insult like Melissa McCarthy. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 7/10

May Critic Picks

Hail, Caesar! (2016)

Josh Brolin, George Clooney, Ralph Fiennes, Scarlett Johansson, Tilda Swinton, Channing Tatum, and more try to keep Hollywood and their careers afloat despite a bizarre series of kidnappings, line flubs, and tap dances. Of course the Coen Brothers have a dry, wacky take on the Hollywood studio era. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 9/10

Jane Eyre (2006)

Confession: I have not read Jane Eyre. But my mom did, and since she enjoyed the book so much, I figured a happy medium would be to watch this BBC miniseries with her commentary about what they changed from the Brontë classic.

Daisy Jones & the Six (2019)

The highest compliment I can give a book is staying up way too late to finish it, which is what I did with this buzzy Taylor Jenkins Reid book. It’s a barely-fictional oral history of sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll in the ‘70s, and somehow it’s not crass or gratuitous about any of them. Most impressive is that Jenkins Reid keeps her characters well-defined even though it’s not written in a traditional novel format. My favorite parts of this story are the deep dive into the creative process and the exploration of how we remember the past. Here’s hoping the Sam Claflin/Riley Keough-led, Reese Witherspoon-produced, (500) Days of Summer team-written Amazon series can do this book justice—I need this soundtrack!

The Plot Thickens podcast (2020)

A Turner Classic Movies podcast hosted by Ben Mankiewicz about film history is a specific—and predictable—Venn diagram of my interests.

Alfred Hitchcock Double Feature: Psycho (1960) + The Birds (1963)

The story about Psycho goes that my grandmother ran out of the movie theatre screaming during the shower scene. Now that I’ve finally watched it, I know why. This horror drama is still terrifying today even if you know what’s going to happen. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 10/10

The story about The Birds goes that my mother was terrified as a little girl after walking into a room where it was on TV, and now she still won’t watch it. The Oscar-winning visual effects have aged so much I didn’t find it scary, but I was still sucked in by the eerie plot. That said, I did have a frightening dream last night involving Tippi Hedren, so it may be more effective than I realized. Give me just a sec while I schedule some Hitchcock-focused family therapy. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 9/10

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)

Spend two hours with the two nicest bank robbers you’ll ever meet! A winsome Paul Newman and a laconic Robert Redford make their escape on the scenic trails of the Southwest, and gosh darn it, if they aren’t just a barrel of fun. I enjoyed this Western so much I recommended it in a piece I wrote for Round Trip, too. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 9/10

Katharine Hepburn Double Feature: Alice Adams (1935) + Woman of the Year (1942)

Saying you love Katharine Hepburn is like saying you love sunshine and flowers—of course you do! In Alice Adams, she’s an optimistic Cinderella with a down-on-their-luck family who falls for a high class fella (Fred MacMurray). In Woman of the Year, she’s a high-brow journalist who falls for sports columnist Spencer Tracy in their first of nine films together. She earned Oscar nominations for both, but I dare you not to fall in love with her after watching just one. Alice Adams - Crowd: 7.5/10 // Critic: 8/10 // Woman of the Year - Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 8.5/10

Also in May…

When you’re not allowed to travel, you get creative! For Round Trip this month, I recommended 13 movies about travel that will make you feel like you took the vacation COVID-19 made you cancel (including Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid). And if that’s not enough, why don’t you recreate your trip? I turned my apartment into Paris, and here’s why you might want to do the same.

Kyla and I didn’t go far back in time for most of our Gilmore Girls pop culture references on SO IT’S A SHOW? We covered three movies (or two, depending on how you see it) from the 2000s with connections to this year’s Oscars, 8 Mile and then Kill Bill. We also looked into the famous architect Stanford White and a movie he was featured in, 1981’s Ragtime, which had more connections to today’s culture than we expected.

I made another attempt at Jim Jarmusch for ZekeFilm with Broken Flowers. I still don’t get Jim Jarmusch.

My movie count in quarantine is up to 156. You can see them all on Letterboxd.

Photo credits: SNL, Taylor Swift, TikTok, Lady Gaga, Daisy Jones & the Six, The Plot Thickens. All others IMDb.com.