#alex medford

[bjfinn]

THE BABYSITTER

"Beetlejuice"/"The Witches of Eastwick" crossover

(based on an idea from @writing-prompt-s )

1989, Eastwick, Rhode Island

"What??? What do you mean you can't take Riley today? I have .... oh, yeah -- I understand. You're mother's funeral is more important, of course. Yeah, I know you would -- do you know anybody else who ... Okay ... yeah, I'll think of something. My condolences to you and your family. Okay, I'll ... yeah, I'll talk to you again soon. Right, yeah ... okay. Bye."

Alex hung up the phone and sighed loudly. What the hell was she going to do now? Her appointment was in -- she checked her watch -- an hour, and there was no way she could find a replacement babysitter in that time.

"Too bad I can't turn back time," she said aloud. A wry smile crept across her lips. That'd make a good title for a song, she thought. She looked at her daughter, bouncing up and down in the jolly jumper in the doorway, and started singing.

If I could turn back time

Then I could find a way

To get a sitter for you

Just for the day ...

Riley giggled happily, bouncing harder in her exuberance at the sound of her mother's voice.

"Thank you!" Alex said, kneeling down and blowing raspberries against the baby's cheek. Riley laughed harder. "Do you have any ideas?"

"Eeeeeee!" Riley squealed.

"Really??? You think it's a good idea to ask him??? "

"Aah'aaah! Ghhh-brrr-ghaa!" the baby insisted.

Alex sighed. "Well, all right -- but don't say I didn't warn you!"

She got her Book of Shadows and a black-and-white-striped pillar candle. Opening the leather-bound book, she turned to the page she wanted and, after lighting the candle, began to recite the spell.

As the final syllable fell from her lips, he appeared.

"Hey, Alex! How's it going? Missed me?"

"Beej!" Alex exclaimed. "No time to talk. I need your help -- I have an appointment I need to get to, and Riley needs a babysitter."

"Wait ... what?" the demon said. "You want me to babysit?"

"If I had any other options --"

"No way! I don't know nothin' 'bout sittin' no babies! "

"Please! " Alex begged. "I swear I'll make it up to you!"

Beej scowled, his hair turning magenta. He looked at Riley.

"Beebee-booboo!" the baby said to him in a tone that brooked no argument.

The demon huffed. "Oh, yeah???" he retorted. "Well, googoo-gaga to you!"

Riley shrieked and laughed.

"Okay, okay," he relented. "But you owe me big time."

"Thanks," Alex said, and kissed his cheek, instantly turning his hair pink. She grabbed her coat and keys. "The bottles of milk are in the fridge -- be sure to warm them up to body temperature before you feed her --"

"Feed her?" Beej looked around, panicked. "Where's Michael?"

"He's in school," she told him. "And the diapers and baby powder are in the dresser in her bedroom --"

"You want me to change her diaper??? "

"I'll be back in a couple of hours -- I promise!" And with a wave, she was out the door.

Beej looked at Riley. "Well, kid," he said, "looks like it's just you and me."

"Gaaaah!" Riley squealed, and bounced energetically in the jolly jumper.

*****

Beej blew out his cheeks in a long sigh and sat down on the floor in front of his charge. What in the Netherworld did he know about babies?

Riley blew a raspberry and held her arms out.

"What?" Beej asked. "You want me to get you out of that contraption?"

"Dabba-badda boo!"

He got to his feet. "I don't know how I'm supposed to do that -- I've never seen one of those things before. And I've never picked a baby up before. Your mom'll be pissed if you get hurt." He paused, and then he got an idea. "She never said that I couldn't use magic, right?"

"Abbaba-brrr," the baby agreed.

"Okay." He slowly raised one hand and Riley levitated out of the jolly jumper, her legs kicking happily. Beej held out both hands, and she floated into his arms, squealing with delight.

"Well, that was easy," the demon said, holding the baby upright, his hands under her arms. "Now what?"

"Bababababa," came the reply. Suddenly, she got a strange look on her face and let out a long, loud, wet fart.

"Woah -- nice one!" Beej said approvingly. Then the smell hit him like a ton of bricks. "Uh-oh -- I know what that means." He sighed loudly and carried Riley to her bedroom, and went over to the dresser where Alex had said held the diapers. He grew a third arm and opened the drawer, and he pulled out one of the diapers, looking at it in confusion.

"How the fuck do I do this?"

"Ga-gaaah! " Riley babbled.

"Yeah, thanks -- that's a big help." He blew out his cheeks again. "Okay, well ... here goes nothing."

Still holding Riley with his original hands, he put the diaper on top of the dresser. A fourth arm appeared, and he used the extra hands to undo the baby's onesie -- it took longer than he'd hoped, because he didn't understand at first how the garment worked, but eventually he got it off and it fell to the carpet.

Next came the diaper. Fortunately for the demon, it was a disposable -- if it had been a cloth diaper with safety pins, he would've been completely stymied putting the new one on. He pulled the tabs, and the soiled diaper dropped to the floor, landing on top of the onesie. He looked down at it.

"Uh-oh," he said. "I don't think your mom's gonna like that." He snapped his fingers, and the dirty diaper vanished. The onesie got sent into the hamper in the laundry room. Another snap, and the carpet was as clean as before.

Beej reached for the new diaper, but then he realised he'd have to clean Riley first. "Crap," he said. "Okay, I guess we're gonna hafta shower."

"Eee-hee-hee!" the baby squealed.

"I'm glad one of us is happy about it," he grumbled. "I hate showers."

He carried the baby to the bathroom. He glared at the glassed-in shower stall for a moment, and then pulled open the door. With Riley in his arms, he stepped into the shower -- there was no way he was gonna take off his clothes. He needed some protection from the water.

He briefly considered using magic, but he wasn't sure if there would be any unintended side effects. You could never tell with breathers, and Riley was his friend's daughter, after all.

Beej took a deep breath and turned the knob. He gasped as the water hit him, burning his skin. Sobbing loudly, he used all four of his hands to wipe the baby clean. As soon as the job was done, he shut off the water and stepped out of the shower stall.

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck," he said softly. He laid Riley down on the thick pile of the floor mat by the tub, and then he raised his body temperature.

He breathed a sigh of relief as the last of the water on him turned to steam, leaving him dry. He picked the baby up again. "You and your mom both owe me big time for that," he told her.

Riley reached up and grabbed his beard with both hands.

"Ow! Hey, you're pretty strong!" Beej said, grinning, and reached for a towel to dry her off.

"Ga-waa! " the baby replied. "A-brrr-eeeee! "

"Okay, let's get you dressed." He took her back into the bedroom, and got her into the clean diaper. Then he remembered the baby powder. "Shit."

He removed the diaper and put her in the crib, and he picked up the bottle, turning it over and over in his hands. "How do you open this fuckin' --" Suddenly he was coughing violently as a cloud of white powder enveloped him. "Gaack! Blech! FUCK! "

Riley giggled and clapped approvingly.

Beej scowled comically at her. "Yeah, yeah," he grumbled. "Laugh it up, shorty!"

He coughed once more, clearing his lungs of the horrible powder, and he went over to the crib. "Okay -- your turn." He turned the bottle upside down over Riley's lower body. "Oh, wait," he said. With a wave of his hand he created a forcefield to keep the powder away from the baby's face. "Now it's your turn." And he inhaled deeply and held his breath as he squeezed the bottle.

An enormous white cloud appeared -- so big that he could no longer see Riley. Still holding his breath, Beej frantically waved his hands to get rid of the fog of baby powder. When at last he could see Riley again, she -- and the crib -- were completely covered with white -- except for the area protected by the forcefield.

"Woops," he said. "I think I used too much."

*****

Once Riley was in a clean diaper, Beej took her back out to the kitchen. "I'm hungry," he said. "Wonder if your mom has anything to eat." He opened the fridge and saw the baby bottles on the top shelf.

"Are you hungry?" he asked.

"Ba-ba-ba!" came the reply.

"Okay." He grabbed one of the bottles and handed it to her, but then he recalled what Alex had said. He held it firmly, gradually raising the temperature until it was the same as the baby's. "Here you go," he said.

Riley took the bottle and brought the nipple to her mouth. She sucked on it for a moment, but then dropped it.

Beej tsked her, and bent down to retrieve it. He gave it to her again, but she pushed it away and started to cry.

"No no no no no," Beej said. "Please don't cry! I'm tryin' my best, but I don't know what you want! Gimme a hint, at least!"

Riley was crying in earnest now. Beej held her to his chest. "Shhhh," he said softly, close to tears himself. "Whatever I did, I'm sorry, okay? Don't cry." In his agitation, the demon started rocking back and forth. "Don't cry, Riley -- come on, I'm sorry."

Soothed by the rhythmic motion, the baby's sobs began to grow quieter, and soon enough she'd stopped crying and fell asleep.

"Huh," Beej said softly. "Imagine that." He smiled to himself as he kept rocking her gently. This babysitting stuff isn't so hard, he thought.

*****

A little while later, Riley woke up. "Ba," she said.

"Hey," Beej said, "you're awake! Have a good sleep?"

"Ba-ba-ba-ba! Deedeedee-brrr!" She reached up and grabbed his beard.

"Oh, now you're hungry?" he said, scowling comically.

Riley laughed.

Beej rolled his eyes. "Okay, okay," he replied with exaggerated annoyance. "I guess I can reheat your bottle -- but this time you gotta drink it, okay? No excuses!"

He brought the baby bottle back up to temperature and gave it to her. Riley grabbed it with both hands and began sucking on the nipple.

When she was done, she dropped the bottle as before. Beej sighed and picked it up.

"You gotta learn not to do that," he told her as he set the bottle on the table.

She looked at him with an odd expression, almost as if she was in pain. Beej started to panic, until he remembered what Alex did after Riley had been fed. He hoisted her up over his shoulder and began gently patting and rubbing her back. Sure enough, in a moment the baby let out a loud "BRRRAAAAP! " and he felt a thick, warm wetness on his back as she brought up the excess milk.

"Atta girl!" he said, grinning as he wiped her mouth and chin. "Way to make Uncle Beej proud!"

He put her back in the jolly jumper and grabbed a wad of paper towels to wipe off the upchuck on his suit jacket.

"Gheeee!" Riley said, bouncing up and down. "Babba-dabba ga! Blah!"

Beej looked at her. "Whaddya want now? You've had food, a nap, a clean diaper ..."

"Pfthp! " came the reply, and she stretched out her arms toward the demon.

Beej rolled his eyes. "You want me to pick you up? Again? " He sighed loudly and raised one hand, and the baby rose into the air and floated into his arms. "Happy now?"

Riley cooed contentedly.

Beej harrumphed softly, but his hair was bright green.

*****

"You know," he said as he sat down on the living room couch, Riley still in his arms, "your mom's a witch -- and a pretty powerful one."

Riley blew a raspberry.

"No, really -- it's true! She and her friends defeated a demon!"

The baby gurgled.

"No, not me, silly! It was another demon -- a real bad guy."

"Ee-bee-bah-bak! "

"No, I don't know him -- just because I'm a demon and he's a demon doesn't mean we know each other! Jeez! Anyway, I'm wondering if you inherited any of your mom's abilities. Or your dad's.''

"Ah! Dadaba-yee!"

"We'll just have to wait until you get older to find out, I guess, huh? I mean, you can't do anything now, can you?"

Riley stuck out her tongue at him. Beej responded in kind, and the baby giggled. The demon grinned -- hearing Riley's laughter always made him happy.

"You like that, huh?" He blew a raspberry, and she laughed harder.

His eyes welled up as he looked down at her. "Don't you dare tell anybody I said this, but ... I love you, Riley. I hope we'll always be friends."

She reached up and grabbed a tiny fistful of his beard.

"How 'bout I sing you a song, huh? Whaddya wanna hear?"

Riley, little Riley in my arms

Just a little baby, never did no harm

The world's gonna fall for all your charms

Just you wait and see

Little baby Riley

*****

When Alex returned, she found Beej asleep on the couch, Riley cradled in his arms. Smiling, she gently lifted the infant.

The demon awoke with a start. "Huh? Wha-- oh, hey, Alex!"

"Looks like you two had a nice time," she said.

"Yeah," he nodded. "It was kinda fun."

"Thanks for doing this, Beej -- I know I just kinda dropped it in your lap."

Beej scoffed. "Nah, no problem. You know me -- always willing to help a friend."

"Uh-huh," Alex said, raising an eyebrow.

Riley stirred in her arms and opened her eyes.

"Hey, baby," Alex cooed. "Did you have fun with Uncle Beej?"

"Bee-goo!" Riley said. "Beedle-doose!"

Alex and Beej exchanged a surprised glance.

"Beebleboose!" Riley exclaimed. "Pfthh! Dada!"

"Did she just --" Alex asked, astonished.

Beej nodded slowly, his eyes wide. "She said my name," he replied. "She said it wrong, but she said it -- and she called me ... dada! "

[pink-evilette]

Characters named...

♡ Alex/Alexandra/Lexi ♡

Alexandra Medford, Lexi Howard, Alex (Totally Spies), Lexi Branson

[optimistredsox]

2024 Red Sox and thank goodness the Dodgers beat the Skanks

Mookie Betts knocking in the game-winning run, even in a Dodgers uniform, made me very happy. The Yankees looking like they should've had Yakkity Sax from Benny Hill playing behind their error-laden disastrous top of the fifth also made me very happy. If you are going to have the two richest teams in baseball fighting it out for the World Series, then at least the one I hate less won. And I don't really hate the Dodgers. I could never hate Dave Roberts or Mookie Betts. I even have a fondness for Kiké Hernandez's brief time at Boston. Anyway. I am delighted the Dodgers won and, as always, fuck the Skanks.

It also provides a bit of comfort that the Sox performed admirably against both World Series teams this year. They didn't dominate, but they didn't roll over and die either. Which I think is my takeaway on the season as a whole. We didn't roll over and die. I would have liked a winning record but will totally take .500 considering how low the lows were (and how low the pundits put us at the beginning of the season).

Speaking of lows, I might as well get those out of the way first. We were diabolical on the field. Our unearned run totals looked as though we were the Skanks in the top of the fifth in game 5 almost every day. Those were so decisive at the beginning of the season I'm sure they ended up keeping us out of the Wild Card. Yeah, it's a young team, but oof. It was painful to watch. And to have to watch it so frequently was brutal.

We struck out A LOT. We did not walk very much. On the 20th anniversary of The Comeback, seeing the incredible level of plate discipline and willingness to lay off bad pitches, it was tough to see a Sox lineup so free swinging and impatient. It also led to struggles with runners in scoring position and getting runners into scoring position. Anyway. That was grim.

Jarren Duran never really felt contrite for the homophobic slur he used. It undermined my ability to cheer for him for the rest of the season and left me downcast that he was the problem but actually indicative of the unreconstructed atmosphere of the clubhouse and perhaps even the nature of the whole of Major League Baseball. Which is a fucking bummer in this day and age.

That all said, the 2024 Red Sox could be so much fun to watch. The avalanche of injuries at the beginning of the season, instead of burying them, allowed a young, exciting, not-terribly-disciplined group of players keep us on the edge of our seats.

The rotation and bullpen at the beginning of the season were lights out when we were on the ropes.

Wilyer Abreu and Ceddanne Rafaela were so much fun to watch. Except when they were striking out.

We signed Rich Hill! Pride of Medford!

This team gave us way more hope than any of us ever expected. They were three games up for the Wild Card at the All Star Break.

Connor Wong was fun. Most athletic catcher since Joe Mauer?

Dom Smith was such an appreciated addition whilst Tristan Casas was recovering from his injury. One of the lone veterans on a super young team.

Tanner Houck, anti-vaxxer though he may be, grew into a solid ace.

We extended Alex Cora who managed a hell of a season with almost no help from upstairs (ownership/senior management, not god).

I'm not sure what the future holds. FSG and John Henry seem to still be chasing the illusion of a chasing championships whilst not spending any fucking money, which I don't think is going to work. But this last season gave us some good baseball. I want the Red Sox to play good baseball. I'd like them to play MORE good baseball in 2025. Winning record and playoffs. Let's do this.

[thealchemyclub]

welcome to the alchemy club ! please tag your intros with ac.intro and follow the rest of the members here !

alex snowden - guitarist - discountslash aurora mackenzie - tattoo artist - onceupcnadream elias medford - tattoo artist - tattooedrubbish hayley williams - singer - pockctemo jack ryan - photographer - cherrypushpops jacob anderson - actor - tormentedclassic jacob elordi - actor - sacredcorset kim minji - kpop idol - xodietcoke lee yubin - kpop idol - weirdxsoup luke hemmings - musician - sundownsickness park jihyo - kpop idol - kiwiselca river cardoso - content creator - hellsdigital ryan ross - musician - stitchesnwalkers sabrina carpenter - singer - puppieyesemoji slater atlas - model - gougedaway tamino-amir - musician - dearestofalltrolls taylor swift - singer - presofbootytown theo imani - bartender - loverleaaver

[stealiesjam]

Protomartyr, Ian Sweet @ Black Cat 6/20/23

Pictures by Paula Beltran Text by Santiago and Paula Beltran

Paula: How it started... Ian Sweet: a duo in Paradise. Cool chilled tunes for the Protomartyr-hungry.

Paula: Ian Sweet after the show... Loved taking these two's pictures! Caught front-woman Jillian Medford chatting with a guy wearing a CBH t-shirt and that moment felt magical. Also did I mention that her drummer was wearing a Chicago Bulls tshirt? (thanks for the shots guys!) :)

Santiago: The terrain of post punk often feels very much like dark muddled, uncharted waters. Rightly so, as it’s somewhat open ended structure allows for much creativity and experimentation. Seeing Protomartyr make quick work of this formula on record and on stage can be remarkable in its own right. 

The abstract licks of guitarist Greg Ahee set a very dark sometimes even somber tone, while 

drummer Alex Leonard exhibits an absolute blistering technique- often subbing standard verse beats for over achieving fills that often sit at the forefront of the listener’s focus. 

The rhythm section weaves together hypnotic patterns that effortlessly coalesce with vocalist Joe Casey’s thundering and brooding command, creating a unique and very complete package. 

In the short amount of time theyve been putting out records, Protomartyr has also made a name for themselves on the stage. Witnessing that prowess live becomes something much more visceral. There’s no denying the future looks bright for these Detroit boys.  Paula: She takes it all in... here are some shots of these beer-holding guys :p

Paula: Caught bassist Scott Davidson and drummer Alex Leonard after the show and I was like "daaaaaaaumn! these two pictures are for my brother!" Indeed, I let them know how much we love them, like, part of the family love. And boom boom, took their picture. Very cool cats!

Paula: And of course this post could not be complete without the awesome Black Cat staff pictures. Hey it's where all the magic happens! (Alec is a super cool bartender and plays in The Owners! And the people who work the main entrance always lets us leave the drinks behind them when that nicotine urge calls).

Paula: And of course I saw some cool clothing hanging on some rad humans and had to share...

[smartbanshee]

moodboard: WITCHES IN FICTION Alexandra ‘Alex’ Medford - The Witches of Eastwick (1987)

[cinematic-literature]

The Witches of Eastwick (1987) by George Miller

Book title: Maleficio, a book of spells

[tvguidancecounselor]

TV Guidance Counselor Episode 506: Tommy Hardy

This week Ken welcomes long time friend, current host of the UncleBoi Show on YouTube (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSdtI-YDimtM3MJ2ew62ETA) and former Tommy Somerville, Tommy Hardy to the show.

Ken and Tommy discuss the great Northern exodus of the 90s Boston Punk scene to Salem, MA, selling punk records, The Smiths, how everyone craves love and attention, Ken's informal war with Glen Danzig, seltzers, Amerika!, Sweeps Week, being a reformed Republican, WWF LJN Figures, cigarette ads, Kraft, Cheese just CHEESE, having a babysitter, having cable in your room, Headbangers' Ball, Sidekicks, the 80s Martial Arts boom, how odd having Animotion's Obsession as the theme song for Saturday Night's Main Event was, cheap wrestling magazines, Killer Kowalski, The Boston Garden, Roddy Piper's status as a favored nation, Ravishing Rick Rude, Young Blood, Blue Collar Boston, internet trolls, 1947, Candid Camera, porno drive-in theaters, Medford, mobbed up Boston, Cheers, how perfect Cliff Clavin is, The Wizard, David Rapaport, Ken's dream of 1970s set Ghost Rider, how the fact that The Incredible Hulk TV series somehow worked gave us awful Marvel media for decades, Dr. Strange, Captain America, Reb Brown's Captain America, Wizard Magazine, Vertigo, Dark Horse Comics, the alternative universe where David Lynch makes Return of the Jedi and Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Dr. Fate, Mike Nesmith's television parts, DC Cab, TV56, Swamp Thing, It's Gary Shandling's Show, Alex Rocco, and the terrible way Johnny Carson treated the great Joan Rivers.

Check out this episode!

[theskywaslookingback]

Moments I wish I’d recorded me playing Fallout-

- that time I thought I was shooting a missle out the window but was too close to the lip of the window and blew myself up

- the first time I discovered Medford and sprinted out the front door to avoid the suicider but I didn’t know enemies can use doors too so it just opened the door right behind me and blew me the fuck up

- every time I walked over a trip wire and said “that’s not good” before dying

- successfully deactivated all the traps in the electrical hobbyists club including the assaultron and then stepping on a mine and crippling both my legs

- that time I walked over a hill and saw two deathclaws fighting each other in the distance and did a 180 and sprinted in the other direction

- like twenty minutes ago when I said out loud “I thought there was a deathclaw here but I guess I was wrong” and then a deathclaw roared in my headset

- just now when I left Medford and a whole swarm of super mutants chased me and Nick out so when I turned around it was just a group of nine super mutants in a circle shooting Nick so I just dropped a grenade in the middle of them and watched them all fly across the screen

- that time my friend Alex wanted me to take a picture with a deathclaw so I set off the siren in Lynn Woods and stood still in the middle at level 55 wearing heavy power armor and let a deathclaw pick me up and throw me around for like twenty minutes while I tried to take snapchats of it

[bjfinn]

BEEJ, BOOK AND CANDLE

"Beetlejuice"/"The Witches of Eastwick" crossover

1988, Eastwick, Rhode Island

Alex Medford opened her eyes. Everything was blurry -- just vague blobs of colour -- and she felt like a bag of pain. "Wh-what ... what happened? Where ..."

"All right," a voice said. "She's stabilised and conscious -- let's get her into the ambulance."

She felt herself being lifted and strapped in to the gurney, and then rolled into the back of the vehicle. She heard the doors close, and then the ambulance started up and began moving, sirens blaring.

"Where are we ..."

"We're taking you to the hospital," a voice said. "You were in a car accident."

Alex looked toward the sound of the voice -- a young man in his early thirties, with short brown hair and kind eyes sat beside the gurney. He was wearing a paramedic's uniform.

"You're very lucky," he said. "We almost lost you."

"Where's the ... the other guy?"

"There wasn't anyone else -- you crashed your car. No other vehicles were involved. And you were alone -- no passengers."

She started to shake her head, but the blinding pain stopped her. "No," she said. "I ... I mean the other guy I saw. He had a ... a striped suit. A-and ... green hair."

"There was no one like that at the scene, ma'am," he replied. "You must have imagined him."

"Y-yeah," she said weakly. "Yeah. Weird dream, I guess."

She fell silent and closed her eyes. But she couldn't stop thinking about the man in the striped suit.

*****

"I almost lost you -- that wouldn't be good."

"Who -- who are you?"

"I'm your guide, remember?" came the reply. "If I'd lost another one, my mom would be so pissed at me. Now, come on -- we gotta go before she finds out."

He held out his hand.

Alex hesitated.

"Come on!" he insisted. "There's no time to lose -- my mom ... she's -- she's the head of the department, and she's a real hard-ass. I already lost two this month, a-and if I lose you ..." His voice caught in his throat, and Alex could see the fear in his eyes. "Let's just say that it wouldn't be good ... for either of us.

"Now let's go! "

She awoke with a start.

*****

"What's your name?"

He looked at her, clearly frustrated. "I can't tell you that -- we've already been over this."

"Why can't you?"

He sighed. "My mom cursed me when I was born," he told her. "If I say my own name, I'll exorcise myself -- I'll die. Worse -- it'll be like I never existed in the first place."

"Why would she do that?" Alex asked.

"She hated me -- she always hated me," he said, his hair turning magenta. "Ever since I was born. She blamed me for my dad taking off -- but it's not my fault that she hooked up with a deadbeat loser! And ... and she said that when I was born I wrecked her somehow, and that's how come she's stuck in her human form! But I didn't do anything -- I was just a baby, for crissakes!" Tears began rolling down his fat cheeks, watering the moss in his beard.

"It's not fair!" he sobbed. "I was ... I was just a kid! Why didn't she love me?" He pushed his fists against his eyes like a child. "And ... and then she called me a -- a screw-up and a good-for-nothing piece of trash and made me a guide just to ... to punish me for being born!

"WELL, I NEVER ASKED TO BE BORN, MOM!" he roared at the ceiling. "I HATE THIS STINKIN' JOB! AND I HATE YOU!!! "

He broke down completely then, his body wracked with heaving sobs, and Alex found herself putting her arms around the demon, comforting him as he sobbed into her bosom, his face buried between her breasts.

"And now I can't even tell you my name," he sniffed, once he'd calmed down a bit.

"Can you give me a hint?" Alex asked. "Maybe I could figure it ou--"

Suddenly, she was awake in the hospital bed, her arm in a cast.

"It's time for your medicine, dear," the nurse said gently.

*****

"Okay," Alex said. "You can't tell me your name. How about a hint?"

The demon looked at Alex thoughtfully for a moment, and then he grinned and held out his hand. In it was a large scarab beetle, glittering emerald green.

"Insect?"

"No."

"Bug?"

"Try again."

"Beetle?"

"Yes!"

"Your name is Beetle?"

"That's just the first part of my name," he told her. "The second is something you drink."

"Coffee?"

"No."

"Tea?"

"No."

"Water."

"No! Come on, it's not that hard."

"I don't know ... beer, wine, whiskey, vodka, rum?"

"No, no, no, no and no."

"Hot chocolate." At this point, Alex was just trying to think of as many drinks as she could.

"Yeah," he said with a sneer. "My name's Beetle Hot Chocolate -- pleased to meet you."

"All right, no need to get snarky," she replied, grinning slightly. "I'm just thinking out loud -- eliminating possibilities.

"Milk."

"No."

"Uhh ... pop. Soda."

"No and no."

She sighed. "I'm running out of ideas."

"Come on! It's sooo obvious!" he cajoled. "It's right in front of your face!"

Alex's eyebrows furrowed as she tried to think of another beverage. She raised her glass to her lips and took a sip of --

"Juice!" she exclaimed.

"Yes!"

"Your name is ... Beetle-juice?" Alex said, smiling. "Like the star?"

"You got it, toots! You can call me BJ. Or Beej."

"Okay, Beej ... what do you want with me?"

"I told you -- I'm supposed to be your guide to the Netherworld."

"But I'm not dead."

"Yeah, I know," he replied. "Things got a little fucked up when they brought you back. Problem is, when they did that, you'd just taken my hand -- so I got dragged Topside with you."

"Can't you just go back?" Alex asked.

Beej shook his head. "Not without you -- at least, not until the revised paperwork goes through. And who knows how long that'll take? Till then, you're stuck with me, kid."

"Great," she sighed.

"Ouch -- that hurts!" he told her. "I'm just doin' my job, you know -- it's not my fault that this happened!"

"Sorry," Alex said. "It's just that it was only a couple of months ago that my friends and I got rid of another demon, and I don't think I can handle going through that a second time, you know?"

"Another demon?" Beej asked. "Who was it?"

"Daryl Van Horne," she told him. "We tried to conjure up the perfect man, and ... well, at first he seemed to be just what we wanted, but then ..."

"Then he turned out to be bad news," Beej concluded.

"You know him?"

"Not by that name," Beej replied. "But I know the type -- lots of demons are like that. Real scumbags."

"But not you," she said sceptically.

"Nope! I'm not like that at all -- I just wanna be free of this shitty job. And I wanna be able to interact with you breathers, that's all. I'm not interested in anything else."

"You're interacting with me right now," Alex pointed out.

"Yeah, but you were clinically dead long enough to meet me. And you're unconscious. Nobody else can see or hear me."

"Gee, I feel so special."

Beej stuck his tongue out at her. "This ain't no picnic for me either, toots," he said. "I'm stuck here, invisible -- that is, unless you help me."

"How?"

"Okay," the demon said, his face lighting up. "It's simple -- just say my name three times. Then everyone'll be able to see me, and I can tell my mom to take this job and shove it."

"That's it?" Alex shook her head. "Sounds too easy."

"Maybe for you. You try gettin' somebody to say your name when you can't tell 'em what it is and they can't even see or hear you anyway."

"You have a point," she conceded. "But that's it? No summoning spell, no nothing? That doesn't sound right."

"Trust me, baby -- that's all it takes."

She shook her head again. "No."

"Whaddya mean 'no'?"

"If I'm going to do this -- and that's a big if -- I'm going to do it right. With a proper summoning spell."

"Ah, jeez!"

"I'm not giving you carte blanche to do whatever you like!"

"Okay, okay," he sighed petulantly. "Make your stupid little spell, for all the good it'll do. But hurry up and make it snappy!"

"Hey! You're not the boss here, okay? You need me way more than I need you! "

Beej scowled at her, but he knew she was right about that. "Fine," he said. "But I'm telling you that all you gotta do is say my name three times -- anything else is just a waste of time."

"It's my time to waste," Alex told him.

Beej threw up his hands, completely exasperated. "Breathers! Always gotta complicate things!" He blew out his cheeks in a loud sigh. "Whaddya need?"

"First I need to get better so I can go home," she replied. "My ... body's still in the hospital. I can't do anything in this condition."

"Well, why didn't you say so?" Beej asked, frustrated. He snapped his fingers, and Alex was awake.

*****

"Looks like you've made a full recovery," the doctor told her. "And your baby wasn't harmed at all."

"Baby?" Alex echoed, perplexed. "What baby?"

"I'm sorry," the doctor replied. "I thought you knew -- you're pregnant. About six weeks along."

"Pregnant? How can that be --" Then she realised. Daryl. That bastard knocked me up! "Uh, no -- I didn't know. I'm ... glad the baby's all right."

"I just need to run a few more tests, but I think you can be out of here by tomorrow."

Beej, standing by the bedside, grinned and gave Alex two thumbs up. She pointedly ignored him, and he stuck out his tongue and flipped her off.

Alex pursed her lips and tried not to laugh.

"Thank you, doctor," Alex replied, smiling.

*****

"Did you know about the baby?" Alex asked Beej when they were alone.

The demon nodded. "Yeah," he said. "I could tell you were preggers -- I didn't say anything 'cause I thought you knew. It was Daryl, wasn't it? He's the father."

It was Alex's turn to nod. "It has to be -- there hasn't been anyone else. Can you tell if it's ... normal?"

"Normal?"

"Human. I'm not going to give birth to the Antichrist or anything, right?"

Beej chuckled. "Nah, the kid'll be a normal human breather like you -- well, maybe with second sight, or precognition, or something. But otherwise, normal as they come."

Alex nodded, relieved. Then a thought occurred to her. "Hey, how come I can still see you?" she asked. "I'm not unconscious now."

"I didn't say you couldn't see me when you were awake," Beej pointed out. "You were just too ... distracted in the hospital to notice me."

"Distracted."

"Yeah! I mean, doctors and nurses coming and going all the time, ordering you around -- 'Time for your meds! Time to check this! Time to check that! Breathe, don't breathe, cough, spit, do this, do that ...' "

"Okay," Alex chuckled. "I take your point."

"It was exhausting just watching it! I mean, how many tests do they really need to do before --"

"Okay, I get it." Alex rolled her eyes -- this guy was a real motormouth.

"I'm just sayin'," he told her, a note of hurt in his gravelly voice. "No need to get rude! If you want me to shut up, I'll shut up -- I don't have to keep talkin', you know. Some guys might not know how to take a hint, but I --"

"You're still talking."

Beej angrily clamped his mouth shut.

"Okay," she said. "Now to think -- how to create a summoning spell for you ..."

She looked over at the demon standing there, wide-eyed, his mouth firmly closed. "Any ideas?"

In reply, Beej simply looked up at the ceiling. His hair, she noticed, had turned from green to magenta.

Alex pursed her lips in annoyance.

He looked at her, giving an exaggerated shrug.

She sighed and chuckled. "Okay," she said. "I'm sorry -- you can talk."

"There! Now was that so hard? And people think I have no manners!"

"You don't," she told him.

He scowled comically.

"Do you have any ideas for the summoning spell?"

"Like I told you, it's not necessary. Just --"

"-- say your name three times, yeah, I remember. But an actual spell would protect me. And you."

"Huh?" Beej was confused. "What do I need protection from?"

"From anyone who wants to use you for evil."

"I'm a demon," he said. "Evil is what I do best! "

Alex laughed, a full, husky sound that gave the demon a warm tingle of pleasure. His hair turned green again.

"Somehow, I'm not convinced," she said.

"Whaddya mean?" he asked, indignantly.

"I think you're a trickster, a prankster, a con-man," she told him. "You like to have fun. And okay, your idea of fun is scaring people -- but you don't really want to hurt anybody, do you? If someone dies, so be it, but that's not your goal, is it?"

Beej's mouth twitched.

"I'm not trying to hurt your feelings," Alex told him. "I'm just trying to figure out what kind of demon you are, and how best to protect you -- and myself, and everyone else."

He sighed. "Okay, yeah," he said. "Sure, if they die I can't have any more fun with them -- and it means I got a lot of paperwork to do when I get back. And I hate doing paperwork! I can't spell so good, you know? It's a real pain in the ass."

Alex shook her head. "I think it's more than just that," she said. "If you kill them, then they won't want to be your friend, am I right?"

He frowned, his hair turning purple.

"I'm right, aren't I? You really just want to have a friend."

The demon looked like he was about to burst into tears.

"Nobody likes me," he said finally. "Everybody in the Netherworld hates me. Well, everybody except Tina -- she's the only friend I got. And she ... she hated me, too, at first. Well, maybe she didn't hate me, but she didn't like me much.

"And breathers can't see me -- well, unless they have the gift. Or ones like you, who died and came back. But there haven't been many like that over the centuries, and the ones there have been ... they never wanted to be friends with me. And some of 'em even tried to hurt me, or send me back to Hell.

"So, yeah, okay ... maybe this spell might not be such a bad idea after all."

"I'm glad you agree."

"So how long is this gonna take?"

"I'm not sure," she told him. "After what happened with Daryl, I want to be sure I do this right. It's not just the words -- the rhyming scheme and the cadence have to be right, as well."

"Sounds complicated."

"Luckily, I've learned since the last time."

"What can I do to help?"

"I need some time," Alex replied. "If you could leave so I can be alone to work on it? I'll let you know when I'm ready."

The demon shook his head. "No can do -- I gotta stick around. I'm still your guide until the revised paperwork goes through."

"Well, uh ... can you at least make yourself invisible? It'll be too much of a distraction seeing you hanging around the whole time."

"Yeah, sure," Beej said. "I can do that." He waved his hand and vanished. "See? Like I'm not even here!"

"I can still hear you, though," Alex chuckled. "You're going to have to be quiet."

"Oh, yeah, right," the disembodied voice said. "No problem. I'll be quiet. You won't even know I'm here. In fact --"

"Shhh."

"Uh, yeah. Okay. I'll just, uh ... I'll just sit over here on the windowsill and --"

"Beej!"

Chastened, the demon finally fell silent.

Alex grinned, shaking her head, and got to work.

*****

"Okay," she said at last. "I think I've got it."

"Finally!" Beej said, making himself visible once more. "I thought you'd never be finished! What was that -- like, six months??? "

"It was only forty minutes," she told him.

"Okay, well -- are we gonna do this?"

"Hold your horses, bub," Alex said. "First I have to prepare."

"Ah, come on!"

"I have to get myself centred -- you wouldn't want me to mess anything up, would you?"

Beej frowned. "I think you're stalling," he said.

"I promise you I'm not," she said, lighting a black-and-white-striped white pillar candle.

"So how long is this gonna take?"

"Not long -- just a few deep breaths to clear my head ..."

She closed her eyes and inhaled slowly through her nose, exhaled through her mouth. Beej licked his lips as he watched the rise and fall of her bosom, imagining her naked.

A few more breaths, and then she said, "Okay -- let's begin." She read the spell she'd crafted:

Though I know I should be wary

Still I venture someplace scary

Ghostly hauntings I turn loose

Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!

Beej felt the change immediately -- he was solid! He took a deep breath of his own, filling his lungs for the first time in what seemed like forever.

"YES!!!" he crowed. "YES YES YES!!! You did it!" He grabbed Alex and kissed her. "Thanks, babe! I knew you could do it!"

Alex shoved him away and wiped her mouth. "Bleagh! Don't ever do that again!" she warned him, only half in anger.

"What? It was just a little smooch to show my appreciation!"

"You really don't know anything about boundaries, do you?"

"Boundaries? What's that?"

Alex chuckled. "Never mind." She looked at him. "So now what?"

Beej shrugged. "I don't know -- I've never been able to interact with the upper world before." He looked around uncertainly, biting his lip, his head turning from side to side in a distinctly ... reptilian manner. A predator, looking for prey.

Alex watched him nervously -- what had she unleashed on the world? She wasn't entirely confident in her ability to craft a spell that would bind him -- what if she'd made a mistake? Or forgotten some crucial element? What if he was more powerful than the spell?

"Hey," he said, interrupting her train of thought. "Can we get something to eat? I'm starving! "

[merlynneart]

31 Days of Witches- Day Twenty-seven, Alexandra Medford

[cinelitchick]

Chapters: 4/10 Fandom: Bates Motel (2013) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Norma Bates/Alex Romero, Norma Bates & Dylan Massett, Norma Bates & Norman Bates, Dylan Massett & Norman Bates Characters: Norma Bates, Alex Romero, Norman Bates, Dylan Massett, Original Characters Additional Tags: Bakery and Coffee Shop, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Slow Romance, Vaginal Sex, Anal Sex, Hand Jobs

-------------

After an hour, Alex had yet to emerge from his office in the back of the shop. Este put Norma to work to keep her occupied while the boss was otherwise engaged. It was after one in the afternoon, which meant the post-lunch crowd would need a pick-me-up to get through the rest of their workday. Norma handled the register and the bakery case, while Este managed the coffee orders. It didn’t take the motel owner long to master the register.

Prior to that, they had sat at the table in the corner where Norma and Alex had had their late-morning snack. The blonde took an instant liking to the older woman with the silver pixie cut. They both had similar worldviews, and were widows, mothers and business owners. 

Este had owned a small accounting firm for twenty-seven years. Her late husband, Eliot, had been one of her first clients. He didn’t like the big firm in Medford his father had been going to for years. It was too impersonal, he claimed. When she opened the doors of her own business, he showed up within the initial two months and never left. They went out on their first date a week later, were engaged ten months after that and married within a year. When he died five years ago, her world imploded. They had no children.

“This place saved my life,” she admitted to Norma. “If wasn’t for Joe Ernsco, the former owner, I might be dead or worse, in a home for the mentally ill. I was so depressed; you have no idea. He and his wife, Michelle, got me slowly back on my feet and into the psychiatrist’s office.”

Her new friend stared at her in awe. “You are a remarkable person, Este. I’m so happy I got to meet you.”

The other woman put a hand over one of Norma’s. “After hearing your tale, I say the same to you.”

They enjoyed the moment. Then, Norma sat back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest. 

“So, tell me about Gillian.”

Este cackled. “That girl cannot take ‘no’ for an answer. And believe me, he has told her in uncertain terms and in every way imaginable that he is not interested. Until today, she had no idea he was already taken. I think she truly believed he was playing hard to get.

“You have nothing to worry about with her,” she assured Norma. “She runs the travel agency three streets over. Sees what she wants and gets it. You know the type. This might be the first time she doesn’t. Eh. I’m sure she has a backup, who is much more pliable.”

Norma snorted. “‘Pliable’ is not a word I would ever use to describe Alex.” She drained the rest of her cup. “What has he told you about me?”

“It’s not what he said,” Este replied thoughtfully, “so much as how he said it. He cares about you. Don’t think otherwise. You know him, how he is.” Something occurred to her just then. “Huh.”

“What?”

“He’s like Gillian in that regard.”

The corner of the blonde’s mouth quirked. “He knows what he wants and goes after it.”

A warm smile played on the older woman’s lips. “Exactly.”

Read more on AO3.

[goalhofer]

2019 American League MLB All-Stars Roster

Pitchers

#6 Marcus Stroman (Toronto Blue Jays/Medford, New York)

#22 Mike Minor (Texas Rangers/Chapel Hill, Tennessee)

#23 Jake Odorizzi (Minnesota Twins/Breese, Illinois)

#28 Lucas Giolito (Chicago White Sox/Los Angeles, California)

#33 Brad Hand (Cleveland Indians/Chaska, Minnesota)

#35 Justin Verlander (Houston Astros/Manakin-Sabot, Virginia)

#45 Gerrit Cole (Houston Astros/Orange, California)

#50 Charlie Morton IV (Tampa Bay Rays/Trumbull, Connecticut)

#54 Aroldis Chapman (New York Yankees/Holguin, Cuba)

#55 Ryan Pressly (Houston Astros/Carrollton, Texas)

#61 Shane Greene (Detroit Tigers/Clermont, Florida)

#67 John Means (Baltimore Orioles/Gardner, Kansas)

Catchers

#25 Gary Sanchez (New York Yankees/La Victoria, Dominican Republic)

#34 James McCann (Chicago White Sox/Goleta, California)

Infielders

#2 Alex Bregman (Houston Astros/Albuquerque, New Mexico)

#9 Tommy La Stella (Los Angeles Angels/Closter, New Jersey)

#11 Jorge Polanco (Minnesota Twins/San Pedro De Macoris, DR)

#12 Francisco Lindor (Cleveland Indians/Caguas, Puerto Rico)

#15 Whit Merrifield (Kansas City Royals/Mocksville, North Carolina)

#20 Daniel Vogelbach (Seattle Mariners/Ft. Myers, Florida)

#24 Hunter Pence (Texas Rangers/Arlington, Texas)

#26 D.J. LeMahieu (New York Yankees/Bloomfield Township, Michigan)

#26 Matt Chapman (Oakland Athletics/Lake Forest, California)

#41 Carlos Santana (Cleveland Indians/Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic)

#79 Jose Abreu (Chicago White Sox/Cruces, Cuba)

Outfielders

#4 George Springer III (Houston Astros/New Britain, Connecticut)

#13 Joey Gallo (Texas Rangers/Las Vegas, Nevada)

#17 Austin Meadows (Tampa Bay Rays/Grayson, Georgia)

#23 Michael Brantley; Jr. (Houston Astros/Port St. Lucie, Florida)

#27 Mike Trout (Los Angeles Angels/Millville, New Jersey)

#28 J.D. Martinez (Boston Red Sox/Pembroke Pines, Florida)

#50 Markus Betts (Boston Red Sox/Nashville, Tennessee)

Manager

Alex Cora (Boston Red Sox/Caguas, Puerto Rico)

[optimistredsox]

BOS @ LAD, World Series Game 4, 27th October (9-6, win, Red Sox lead series 3-1)

I don’t know where to start. I’m still mystified by the top of the lineup’s struggles since arriving in LA. Xander in particular is quite famous for performing better in warmer weather. But every bit as mystifying as those struggles are, the rest of the team’s rising to the fill the gap they’re leaving is utterly thrilling. I’m writing around the general amazingness of what actually happened last night (three o'clock in the morning for me). Partly because I couldn’t believe it as I watched it, but also because, as I said at the beginning, I don’t know where to start. 

Do I start with my soft spot for Medford-born Rich Hill, the guy on the mound for the Dodgers, and how I kind of always hoped he’d come back to the Red Sox? He made us look bad for as long as he was on the mound. Dave Roberts pulled him, and it turns out he pulled him because Rich Hill told him to keep an eye on him before it was too late. Kind of the opposite of what happened with Eduardo Rodriguez and Alex Cora (who, like Roberts, is a supremely accountable and honest manager which is just wonderful). 

Or, should I talk about E-Rod? Whose first start in over a month was masterful right up until Cora left him in too long (Cora’s assessment, not a baseless accusation on my part). 

Maybe I should dwell more on the mystery of Mookie, Martinez, and Xander, whose bats have gone so silent that I wonder sometimes if they may have been replaced by pod people? 

I could always panic about why Cora suddenly announced David Price  (on short rest) as tonight’s starter in place of Chris Sale (full rest), but I think the consensus that having the latter out of the pen and avoiding at-bats is the right one. 

I could worry about Vazquez’s shitty throw to first in the sixth that precipitated all the following doom. But I’m not going to do that. 

Instead, I’m going to look at the bright sides:

Steve Pearce tied the game with a solo homer in the eighth and then provided much-needed insurance with a bases-clearing double on a sweet but simple swing that was the opposite of the desperate homer-seeking hacks that both lineups put in the night (and morning) before. Between him and Nate Eovaldi, Dombrowski can certainly be expected to get tennis elbow patting himself on the back. 

Mitch Moreland hit his first home run since August 22nd, a pinch-hit three-run smash in the seventh that changed everything. The Sox went from being 0-4 down in the 7th and looking lost to 3-4 down and looking aggressive. 

Raffy Devers, the baby-faced third baseman, came in to pinch hit and smacked a grounder up the middle to score Brock Holt and put the Sox on top in the top of the ninth. He then threw Machado out in the bottom of the inning on a play that didn’t seem possible from him at the beginning of this year. Also, fuck Manny Machado and his spiking of Pearce’s heel on that very same play.

Brock Holt scored the go-ahead run after doubling with one out in the top of the ninth. Always in the middle of it, it would seem. 

Xander knocked in a run and scored one too. 

Benny had an infield hit that loaded the bases for Steve Pearce to clear.

Joe Kelly pitched two solid innings and had one of the more impressive strike outs of the season in the 8th. His turnaround for this postseason has been remarkable. 

Chris Sale and Alex Cora both had inspirational speeches, though apparently there was a lot more swearing in Sale’s. Sale’s certainly had the feel of David Ortiz’s in St Louis during the 2013 World Series. 

Cora, in general, has been incredible. When he does make the wrong decision, he is accountable, but he doesn’t make the wrong decision all that often. 

All of the Red Sox nine runs came in the 7th, 8th, and 9th innings. 

The game didn’t take 7 hours and 20 minutes over 18 innings!

We won!

We’re 3-1 up in the World Series! 

[don-lichterman]

PREP TENNIS: St. Mary’s nets pair of wins – Medford News, Weather, Sports, Breaking News

PREP TENNIS: St. Mary’s nets pair of wins – Medford News, Weather, Sports, Breaking News

COOS BAY — The St. Mary’s boys tennis team produced a pair of dominant efforts in road matches Saturday, with the Crusaders winning 3-0 at North Bend in a nonconference match and 7-1 at Marshfield in a Class 4A/3A/2A/1A District 3 tilt. Sriram Dinesh and Jackson Rasmussen each secured singles victories in both matches, with the top St. Mary’s doubles team of Alex Wilk and Aidan Flaherty also…

[dncngqn-a]

✦･ﾟ･ﾟ﹡ @stageless ❤’d | alex medford.

                              given  her  long  tenure  here  at  the  hotel,  the  blonde  was  FAMILIAR  with  its  REGULAR  patrons,  those  who  were  lucky  enough  to  come  &&  go  as  they  pleased.  the  ones  that  left  UNSCATHED.  but  as  ocean  gaze  washed  'cross  the  bar,  it  landed  'pon  a  woman  she'd  NEVER  come  to  see  around  before,  &&  the  eternally  young  woman  had  ALWAYS  enjoyed  meeting  new  people,  always  enjoyed  listening  to  their  stories  &&  she'd  heard  a  lot  whilst  she'd  been  here,  not  one  of  them  had  been  UNINTERESTING  &&  by  the  looks  of  the  other,  she  doubted  hers  would  be  any  different.  ❝   i  haven't  seen  you  around  here  before,   ❞  sweet  were  her  tones,  just  like  SUGAR  CANE,  something  she'd  inherited  from  her  mother  all  those  years  ago,  an  attribute  that  allowed  her  to  talk  to  many  people,  to  place  that  MOMENTARY  trust  in  her.  there  was  NO  PRESSURE,  of  course  there  wasn't,  but  a  friendly  smile,  a  kind  word  could  always  be  used  in  a  place  such  as  this.