#aka impulsive posting hours

[fbfh]

not an ask but sleeper build leo lives in my head rent free 😳

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

you are so fuckin real for this. no literally bc I just KNOW Leo is either gonna look one of two ways. he's either gonna be looking like this

or like this

and either way you're gonna be drooling. you're gonna be barking and foaming at the mouth. sometimes he just fuckin. picks you up like a little rag doll. it shakes you to your core every time. he LIVES for the look on your face when he just scoops you up and carries you around. it's not that you don't think he can, it's just so. hng. aughghhh. he. he's so. mmmmmm.

[lovings4turn]

ᯓ★  𝐌𝐄 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐌𝐄𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐁𝐄 (𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐎 𝐍𝐎𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐒)

— a few days have passed since you last saw lando, yet your feelings are as strong as ever. there’s nothing like another party to finally set the record straight. (3.2k words)

+ aka. part two of don’t delete the kisses (and my longest fic to date on this blog !!)

+ again mentions of drinking and clubbing, largely fluff . lando n reader are only slightly tipsy ! this took far too long to get out but she's finally here - hope you all enjoy !!!

it had been three days since you’d gone to the club, and three days since you’d consequently fled from the club due to your inability to act normally around lando norris.

you hadn’t seen him since then, but you’d texted back and forth from the morning afterwards. you’d felt bad about the whole thing, just leaving without even finding him to say goodbye, and so made up some excuse about getting too overwhelmed and not wanting to ruin his night with your desire to go home.

and because he was an angel, lando didn’t even question you. instead, he instantly accepted your explanation, assuring you it was more than fine as long as you were okay. he could go without a goodbye, if it meant the best for you.

eighty percent of your subsequent conversations were complete nonsense. ever since you had became close all those years ago, lando had taken it upon himself to text you every single thought he ever had, no matter how menial or silly.

embarrassingly, as a result of being down so, completely, horrifically bad for him, you found each and every one endearing. yes, even the god-awful memes he would send you religiously between the hours of two and five am when he couldn’t sleep.

perhaps it was even worse that you’d go on to forward said memes to other friends, pretending that you had found them. you were unable to prevent the laughs that would escape your lips every time your phone buzzed with a notification from lando.

one on hand, you were on top of the world. on the other, you were going insane.

lando had positively taken over your mind, every corner of your head filled with deep brown curls and impish laughter. even the most menial things proved to link back to lando in some way, a tangled red string of association that to anyone else would make zero sense but was obvious to you.

you were icarus, and lando the sun; something to dream of but never to have. you were certain that if you chased him, your wax wings would melt rapidly as you succumbed to your impulses before you crashed onto the harsh ground of reality.

learning to cope with the heavy feeling of yearning was something you could do. suffering with a little heartache to keep lando in your life far outweighed not having lando at all.

being definitive in your decision to bury your feelings didn’t mean it wasn’t a struggle, though.

now more than ever, it seemed impossible to not think about lando, or talk about him, shout his name from the rooftops so the whole world could hear the praises you would sing for him. it appeared to be a pretty clear sign that you were losing any remaining shreds of self control, but what could you do? no matter how many times your head said no, your heart would tell you that it would always be lando, one thousand times over.

a notification lit up your phone screen, and you were convinced it was a sort of cruel taunt from the universe. 

landonorris just posted a photo!

it was borderline masochistic, the way in which you tapped the notification instantly and allowed yourself to be led to lando’s latest instagram photo dump. alongside a few selfies, pictures of him from that night in the club were littered throughout, and though he was posing with friends in each photo, your eyes were focused solely on him.

without really thinking, you pinched the screen, zooming in a little further to admire every detail of lando’s face that had been captured by someone’s iphone. the moles that were dotted across his face like they’d been individually placed there, the unruly curls that begged your fingers to find a home in them, and that fucking smile.

realisation hit soon after, and you caught yourself with a groan. here you were, sitting looking at his pictures with a dopey, love-sick grin on your face, acting like a teenage girl with an innocent classroom crush.

“god! might as well write all over a notebook that he rocks my world or something,” you scoffed, mock disgust lacing your words.

oh great, now you were fucking talking to yourself. christ, what had he done to you?

in an act of frustration, you quickly liked lando’s photo before throwing your phone onto your bed, partially hoping it would get lost amongst the pillows so you couldn’t find it again and fawn over more pictures of your supposed best friend.

a distraction was what you needed. and so you stood up and made your way into the kitchen, praying that maybe cooking a nice meal for yourself would sort you out. either that, or you could hit yourself over the head with a frying pan and hope that the concussion would remove any feelings that breached the label of ‘platonic’.

and for two whole hours, your plan had worked. 

not only were you able to enjoy the delicious meal you’d made, but also got through a good few episodes of the new tv series you had started watching a week or so ago. the lando shaped hole in your mind had been replaced by witty dialogue and pointless character drama, and you were beginning to think that you had everything under control.

that was until you returned to your bedroom and reached for your phone once more, your lockscreen lighting up to display yet another text thread from lando.

lando: going out tomorrow at 10!!!

lando: be there or be square😈

lando: i need my best dance partner w me

fingers dancing across the keyboard, the text was sent before your brain could even think about the invitation.

y/n: i'll b there🥳

it was official: you were absolutely fucked. 

. . .

it was 10:28pm and you were already questioning your decision to come out.

you would say that you had no idea why you’d even agreed to the invitation, but that would be a lie. you knew exactly what had convinced you to get dressed up and leave your house tonight, and that reason was currently grinning at you from his place at the bar, clothed in another stupid button down shirt and sunglasses, of all accessories. 

how he had managed to make sunglasses indoors not only acceptable, but attractive to you was just another sign of the power that the man held over you. you’re sure that if you told your friends, they’d never let you live it down. and hell, you wouldn’t even blame them for it.

from the moment you had arrived, lando had commanded your attention. there wasn’t an inch of your body that wasn’t intently tuned in to every word he spoke, each movement of his limbs and the expressions on his face. he had you completely hooked, and you were letting it happen, swept along in the riptide of your stupid crush,

whether it was from the pulsating house music, the shot lando had shoved into your hand the moment you’d shown your face, or even just lando himself, you felt electric. sparks of lightning rippled beneath your skin, every last nerve in your body buzzing with anticipation for something that you couldn’t even put your finger on.

butterflies swarmed your stomach, and if someone were to tell you you were looking at lando with stars in your eyes, you would have no doubt that it was true. because as he grinned at you once more, the lively groups of club-goers began to fade away leaving only a vignette of his figure.

you were experiencing every romantic cliche in the fucking book, all thanks to him.

you were unsure as to whether it was a minute or a hour before he was standing in front of you again, the scent of his aftershave almost taunting you as it enveloped you. lando was expertly clasping two vodka cokes in one hand and two shots of tequila in the other, sporting a lopsided smile.

“lando!” you groaned, actions betraying your scolding tone as you reached out to pluck the shot from his hand before grabbing your drink, careful not to cause lando to spill anything. 

the last thing you needed right now was to spill a drink on lando’s white shirt. the sight of the material slowly becoming see-through until it offered you a glimpse of his tan, toned skin was more than you would be able to handle. 

lando held up the plastic shot glass with a cheeky expression, a silent toast to god knows what, before he tipped the liquid down his throat. his face quickly soured, and he wasted no time in seeing off a large portion of his drink in an attempt to rid himself of the tequila flavour.

“woah, woah, slow down there,” you laughed, gently pushing the cup away from lando’s mouth. “got the whole night ahead of you.”

watercolour eyes dropped to glance at your hand, lando’s stare lingering even after you had pulled your hand back towards your body hastily, as though merely being in the proximity of his body was enough to burn. 

you would have thought it odd, if lando hadn’t immediately taken your hand into his larger one and stalked off towards the dance floor, gently tugging you along without a word. your mind told you that lando had simply felt the effects of his drink quicker than expected, and it took him a minute to realise that leading you to the dance floor was the mission he would give himself for the night.

flashbacks of the last time you were out clubbing with lando played in the back of your mind like an old movie, something you would put on in the background for comfort yet wouldn’t pay much attention to. 

one dance turned into two, and then three, and before you knew it you had been dancing with lando for the better part of an hour, both of you expertly adapting your moves to match the vibe of whatever song the dj decided to play next.

one of the many perks of attending clubs with formula one drivers was that there was an ever-flowing supply of alcohol. it was something you’d discovered after the first few times you had gone out with lando and his friends: you would finish your drink and before you could blink, someone had shoved a new one into your hand, the cup still marbled with cold condensation.

your current drink had been supplied by max, or maybe even carlos, a far too strong liquor mixed with nowhere near enough soda for your liking. your nose scrunched up at the taste, and lando laughed before gently plucking the cup from you, his fingers brushing against your own for a fleeting moment. 

a fire burned in the pit of your stomach, noticing that lando’s lips landed perfectly over the lipgloss mark you’d left moments ago. an indirect kiss. 

much like your own moments prior, lando’s face twisted up into a grimace at the taste, and he shook his head furiously.

“that's fucking awful,” he claimed, leaning down a little to shout his complaints into your ear. “whoever bought you that has shit taste.”

“says the man who bought a round of tequila earlier in the night.”

lando chuckled, mumbling a ‘fuck off’ that held more adoration than malice, in your humble opinion. like he had rehearsed it, lando smoothly palmed your drink off onto max before delicately taking hold of one of your wrists, twirling you around just like he had done a few nights ago.

possibly driven by a subconscious want to set right the events of your last night out, you repeated your own actions and spun lando under your arm in response.

lando’s grin was almost blinding, and he pulled you towards him, your hands still clasped by his as he moved your limbs around like the world’s worst puppetmaster.

you were convinced that, had he had enough room around him, he would have spun you both around until you were dizzy, a move he’d pulled many times when you were dancing together in one of your kitchen’s to pass the time it took to cook your meal. 

sadly, lando had to settle for flailing arms and uncoordinated shimmies, his priority making you smile rather than trying to look suave amongst the mass of bodies at your every turn. 

a few other drivers started to join your circle, handing you both more drinks as they tried to engage in miscellaneous conversation and playfully poked fun at yours and lando’s lack of coordination or apparent shame.

unable to control who stood where, thanks to the power of free will, you had been separated from lando, instead flanked by oscar and george whilst he was wrapped up in a conversation with max fewtrell.

thanks to his position across from you, lando was able to catch your eye, his brow quirked slightly in a silent question meant only for you to decipher. you nodded, a clear response to his wordless communication.

as though it were planned, you and lando began to leave. this was how your last french exit should have been; no longer were you alone and flustered, stumbling into the back of your uber with the desire to bash your head off of a brick wall.

no, this time you had lando’s hand in yours, the pad of his thumb brushing soft circles against the back of your hand as he expertly manoeuvred you both through the crowd, informing you that a car would already be there to take you back to your flat with him in tow. 

apologetic texts and goodbyes weren’t necessary this time around, if the loud, obnoxious whooping and whistling from pierre and charles were anything to go by. with their propensity for gossip, you were sure that every inhabitant in the club would be informed of your swift exit with lando within the hour. 

the ride home was filled with melodic laughter as lando made it his mission to unload every observation he’d made in the past few hours onto you. he’d taken particular interest in the argument two girls were having when he was waiting at the bar, and left no detail out as he recounted the whole event like some sort of one man show, his only audience you. 

the streetlights you passed caused a flickering glow to dance across lando’s features, and the momentary flashes of illumination caused lando to look otherworldly, all shadows and contours framed by deep curls.

lando was so caught up in his story that he was oblivious to your wonderstruck stare, completely unaware of the way you were drinking in every last inch of him, committing each miniscule detail to memory and storing it away for a rainy day. 

good, you thought. he’d only take the piss anyways.

the alcohol rendered you both a little unsteady on your feet, and you snorted a laugh as lando stumbled through your front door, catching his shoe on the tiny step that led into your apartment. 

whoever lived underneath you would likely be cursing your name right now, as neither you nor lando were too concerned about remaining quiet and light on your feet as you bumbled over to your bedroom. comfort was the only thing on your mind, though you made a mental note to push an apology letter underneath the poor soul’s door the next day. 

making himself at home, lando threw himself down onto your bed, the plush mattress eliciting a soft groan from him. his once closed eyes snapped open as you tossed a pair of his joggers at him, a pair he’d left at yours a few months ago (and that you may or may not have ‘forgotten’ to return to him.)

“i’ll get changed in a sec,” lando promised, sinking back into your sheets. “you can too. just, come on, lie down for a bit.”

lando delivered two quick pats to your bed, perhaps hoping it would prompt you to join him faster than you already would have. secretly, you were glad that he thought you needed convincing to lie down with him for a moment.

you pretended to consider it, eyes flitting over to where your makeup remover sat, before you gave in, mumbling an ‘okay’ as you clumsily removed your shoes and clambered onto the bed next to him.

the gap between you both was barely there. if you moved your hand just slightly, your fingers would brush against lando’s side. how easy it would be, just to grant yourself a slice of heaven for once.

lando’s voice brought you out of your trance. 

“when you left, last time…”

an unfinished question. lando was clearly attempting to seem nonchalant as he broached the topic that you had both been skirting around since it had happened, his eyes trained onto the thread of your duvet that he had busied his hands with. 

in that moment, you didn’t think you could ever lie to him, no matter how humiliating the truth was. 

“it got too much. y’hands on me and everything, i got too flustered. i just didn’t want to make a fool out of myself, i guess,” you admitted as an embarrassed smile played on your lips. 

a giggle trickled from lando’s mouth, prompting you to roll onto your side and face him with a raised brow.

“what’s so funny?”

“nothin’. just the fact you fancied me so much that you had to run away from me,” lando responded, grinning mischievously.

your response came in the form of a pillow hitting lando square in the face.

“oi!”

the pillow came flying back, but missed your body by roughly a couple of inches, the alcohol clearly impairing his usually decent aim. 

“missed me,” you taunted.

unexpectedly lando’s face lit up at your words, and he rolled closer to you, propping himself up onto an elbow so that his face was hovering over yours.

you swallowed thickly at the sudden movement, eyes darting across his face frantically as though his motives would be written into the curve of his smile.

“think there’s a saying about that,” lando mused, a hand trailing up your side so gently that you half believed you were imagining it. “missed me, missed me, now you’ve gotta kiss me, or something.”

and if that wasn’t a sign to press your lips to his, you weren’t sure what was.

you swallowed lando’s sound of surprise as your lips melded with his own, his mouth soft and warm as he more than returned your affections.

clearly not content with the level of control he possessed, lando briefly pulled back and swiped the pad of his thumb across your bottom lip before attaching his lips to your once more, gently sucking the flesh into his mouth and nipping at it with a smirk.

it was slow, and a little sloppy, a blend of tongue and teeth as you desperately tried to taste as much of each other as possible.

your grip on lando’s shirt was vice-like, as though you were scared he would disappear if let out of your hands for even a fleeting second.

“don’t worry, ‘m not going anywhere, pretty girl,” lando teased softly, punctuating his words with another kiss. “y’stuck with me.”

and suddenly, everything had become clear. it was always going to be you and lando, a love that would transcend a lifetime.

tags : @wintfleur @faerieroyal @starriesworlds @itscrzy @ssararuffoni @tbsloneely @onecojg @basicchelsea

[animesmolbean]

Words Hold Power

An “The Umbrella Academy” fanfiction

Five x Reader

(Female)

Author's Note: Welcome to my The Umbrella Academy fanfiction! I'm so excited to share this story with you all! TUA is my favorite Netflix show! I'm very sad to see it's in its final season, but all great shows come to an end! But at least we'll get to rewatch it over and over again, lol.

Speaking of which, please, no spoilers for S4 since I have not watched it yet. I'll let you guys know where I am in S4 in coming posts.

With that said, I just wanted to tell you guys this. There was one hesitation I had with writing this story. Handling Viktor's character. I know about the journey of this character and Elliot Page's journey as well. I know about the transition, and I wanted to tell you how I planned on approaching this.

I did research on this topic and wanted to be sure I was handling it correctly. I researched how I should write transgender characters and their journeys throughout the story.

I also read other TUA fanfictions for research to see how other authors handle it, and like the research, it's a mixed bag. Some use Viktor only, and some show the name change.

After researching, I decided on an approach.

I will follow what the show does and show the transition story Viktor has. I chose this because I believe it's a beautiful journey, and the show does a great job handling the topic.

One last thing, all the main characters (The Hargreeves siblings) are aged up a little.

With all that said, I hope you enjoy the first chapter! ♥️

~Character Info~

Reader's ability is cursed speech. She can make anyone do what she says with only a few words. It's similar to Allison's, except she doesn't need to say certain words first like her, and her ability is much more powerful. To the point where she has to be extremely careful about what she says.

(As you can tell, this was inspired by the anime character, Toge Inumaki from Jujutsu Kaisen.)

Chapter 1: We Only See Each Other at Weddings and Funerals (Family Reunion)

On the twelfth hour of the first day of October 1985, forty-three women around the world gave birth.

This was unusual only in the fact that none of these women have been pregnant when the day first began.

Sir Reginald Hargreeves, eccentric billionaire and adventurer, resolved to locate and adopt as many of the children as possible.

He got eight of them.

Many years later, the kids grew up and went on with their lives as adults.

There was Number One, aka Luther Hargreeves. Big, strong and was currently on the moon, studying and preparing for whatever his mission was.

There was Number Two, aka Diego Hargreeves. Impulsive, brave and works as a vigilante of sorts.

There was Number Three, aka Allison Hargreeves. Famous actress who was currently on the red carpet in front of paparazzi.

There was Number Four, aka Klaus. A lazy, free-spirited soul who is currently leaving rehab and using the money he got from the rehab to buy drugs. He ended up in the back of an ambulance.

And, there was Number Seven, aka Vanya Hargreeves. She was quiet, timid, and was currently leaving the theater after practicing her violin.

However, their lives would change forever with one broadcast.

Their father was now dead.

THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY

☂

Vanya rode a taxi to her childhood home. A place she lived for many years.

The Umbrella Academy.

A tall condo-like building with a black gate.

Vanya approached the building and opened the doors, whose windows were decorated by umbrellas.

The foyer was fancy still. The middle was open with a chandelier hanging above a small round table in the middle. Tall, smooth white beams holding the sides which held the second floor. A staircase that leads to that second floor was behind the small round table.

It was just as Vayna remembered it. Every little detail was still there.

“Hey, Mom.”

Vanya called to the woman in the living room. Said woman sat on the sofa in front of the fireplace, which currently had a fire going. She stayed still as she stared into the dancing flames.

“Mom?”

“Vanya?”

A familiar voice turned Vanya’s attention elsewhere.

“You're actually here.”

She turned and saw her sister, Allison coming down the stairs.

“Hey, Allison.”

“Hey sis.”

Allison now stood before her sister. She chuckled and brought the other girl into a hug, which Vanya quietly but graciously returned.

“Ah. What is she doing here?”

A new voice spoke through the quiet foyer.

“You don't belong here. Not after what you did.”

It was Diego.

“You're seriously gonna do this today?” Allison spoke up, her tone telling that she wasn't in the mood for the male's attitude.

“Way to dress for the occasion, by the way.” She added, mocking Diego’s attire as he ascended the stairs. He was still in his “hero” gear; knives and everything.

“At least I'm wearing black.” Diego shot back nonchalantly as he turned left on the stairs, disappearing from the girls’ views.

Vanya, now uncomfortable, spoke up quietly, “You know what? I- Maybe he's right. And I shouldn't-”

“Forget about him.” Allison interrupted her. “I'm glad you're here.” She spoke softly. Vanya’s lips quirked up a little at Allison's words. The sisters shared a moment of silence.

☂

Diego arrived at his late father's room, to see Luther there checking the windows. He leaned against the doorframe.

“I can save you some time. They're all locked. No forced entry, no sign of struggle. Nothing out of the ordinary.”

As he spoke, he walked over to Luther who was also walking towards him.

“Oh, you got big, Luther. What's the secret, huh? Protein shakes? Low carbs?” Diego asked mockingly.

“What do you want?” Luther asked, not wanting to deal with Diego's attitude.

Diego reached into his pocket and pulled out a few folded pieces of paper, handing them to Luther. “The autopsy report.”

After he teasingly tried to pull them away from Luther, the latter brother snatched them out of his hand.

“And you have this, why?” Luther asked.

“Well, that's because I… broke into the coroner's office.” Diego explained as he sat down in an armchair. “And surprise, surprise, Dad's death was… normal. Just a boring, old heart failure.”

“Yeah, so?” Luther looked at Diego.

“So, why are you in here, checking all the windows?”

“Were you the first one on the scene?” Luther asked.

“Pogo found him.” Diego answered.

“Yeah, I talked with Pogo. He said he couldn't find Dad's monocle.”

“And your point being?” Diego asked in a bored tone.

“Can you think of a single time you saw Dad and he wasn't wearing that monocle? No. Which means someone took it. Which means there's a chance he wasn't alone when he died.”

Diego sat up from the armchair. “There is no mystery here. Nothing to avenge. Nothing to solve, nothing like that. It's just a sad old man who kicked it in a big empty house. Just like he deserved.”

“You should leave.” Lither spoke, not liking Diego's tone with that last sentence he spoke.

“Whatever you say, brother.” Diego said in a mocking tone as he turned to leave. Before he did, he turned back to Luther. “By the way, did you visit (Your Name) yet?”

Luther shook his head. “No. I was about to, actually.”

“You know where she is.” Diego simply said.

☂

Vanya entered the living room, looking around at the interior. She spotted a comic and new articles on their group, The Umbrella Academy. She looked at the bookshelves and pulled out one book in particular.

The title read, “Extra Ordinary My Life as Number Seven”

It was her autobiography book. The one she wrote when she left the academy.

She observed it solemnly until a voice spoke out.

“Welcome home, Ms. Vanya.”

She turned and saw Pogo, a human sized monkey dressed formally with a cane and glasses.

Vanya walked over to him and hugged him. Pogo hugged back with a hum. “So good to see you.” He noticed the book in her hand. “Ah, yes, your autobiography.”

“Do you know, um…” Vanya paused before continuing. “Did he ever read it?”

Pogo thought for a moment before replying, “Not that I'm aware of.”

Vanya turned her attention to the portrait above the fireplace. It showed a boy, around seventeen in age, sitting with a neutral but sophisticated look on his face.

“How long has it been since Five disappeared?” She asked.

Pogo turned to look at the portrait too. “It's been sixteen years, four months, and fourteen days.” The two looked at each other. “Your father insisted I keep track.”

“And… how long has (Your Name) been in that coma?”

“Sixteen years, four months, and six days.” Pogo replied.

“You wanna know something stupid? I always used to leave the lights on for him. I was scared that he would come back, it would be late, and the house would be dark and he wouldn't be able to find us, so he'd leave again. And he would take (Your Name) with him. So, every night I'd make a little snack and make sure all the lights were on.”

Pogo nodded. “Oh, I remember your snacks. I'm pretty sure I stepped in half those peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches, and those (Favorite type of Cookie) cookies.” He sighed a couple times before he spoke again, “Your father always believed that Number Five was still out there somewhere. He also believed that one day (Your Name) would wake up. He never lost hope.”

“And look where that got him.” Vanya said solemnly.

☂

Allison went up to her late father's study, looking around the area. The familiarity of it brought up a memory.

〰️

Reginald Hargreeves was working in his office, as usual, when Grace knocked on the door. She entered before closing the door.

“The children are ready for bed, sir. They wanted to say goodnight.”

She turned and walked a couple of paces and opened the sliding door.

On the other side revealed the eight children, all wearing matching pajamas. Allison was in the center while the others surrounded her. Little (Your Name) stood between her and Five, a black cloth face mask covering her mouth and nose.

The children were all smiling as they waited for their father to acknowledge them. But he was so into his work that he didn't even glance up at them.

Sensing the awkwardness, Grace quickly dismissed the kids. The kids, of course, were disappointed but not surprised. As they left slowly, (Your Name) tugged on Allison's sleeve, silently asking her to come.

“I'll be there in a minute (Your Name).” The girl whispered. (Your Name) tilted her head to the side. Allison spoke again, “Why don't you go hang out with Five for a bit before bed? I know you planned on it.” She gave the masked girl a small smile. (Your Name) felt her cheeks warm up, but she nodded, leaving and quietly walking over to Five. The boy saw her coming and, with a nod of his head, gestured to her to follow him. (Your Name) nodded and started to walk beside him. As she did, she heard Allison,

“He's always busy.”

〰️

“Where's the cash, Dad?”

The sound of a voice diverted Allison's attention and she walked over to her father's desk, hearing clamoring noises. She leaned forward to look to see who was over there.

“Klaus? What are you doing in here?” She asked.

Said boy looked up and gasped at the sight of his sister. “Oh! Allison! Wow, is that you?” He asked as he stood up. He embraced her slowly; Allison slowly returned the hug. “Long time. Too long.” He pulled away. “Hey, I was hoping to see you, actually, because I wanted to get your autograph. Add it to my collection!” He planted his chin onto his hands.

Allison let her brother act because it was how he always behaved when she noticed the white paper bracelet on his left wrist. “Just out of rehab?” She asked.

“No, no. No, no, no, no. No. I'm done with all of that.” Klaus replied with a sigh as he removed the bracelet. “I just came down here to prove to myself that the old man was really gone.” He smiled. “And he is! He's dead. Yeah!” He clapped, making Allison smile a little, shaking her head a bit.

“You know how I know? Because if he were alive, not one of us would be allowed to set foot in this room.” Allison silently agreed with Klaus.

“He was always in here, our whole childhood, plotting his next torment, right?” He said with a chuckle as he sat in the armchair behind the desk, putting his feet on the desk. “Remember how he used to look at us? That scowl?” He pointed to the man's portrait onto the wall behind him. “Thank Christ, he's not our real father, so we couldn't inherit those cold, dead eyes!” He stretched his eyelids to show more of his eyeballs. He fake screams, making Allison chuckle a little as Klaus started to dramatically imitate their late father.

“Get out of his chair.”

Klaus turned his head and saw Luther standing by the doorway. “Oh, wow, Luther! Wow, you really, uh… You really filled out over the years, huh?” Klaus said as he stood and flexed his arm muscles.

“Klaus.” Luther warned.

“Save the lecture. I was already leaving. You guys can talk amongst yourselves. I am going to visit (Your Name). Oh! The precious little sister of ours.” He chuckled softly. Before he could leave though, Luther stopped him. “Drop it.”

“Ex-squeeze me?” Klaus said.

“Do it. Now.” Luther ordered.

Klaus pulled his arm away from Luther and went back to the desk and started to empty out his pockets, which held a few of his late father's belongings. “It's just an advance on our inheritance! That's all it is!” Allison chuckled silently at her brother. “No need to get your little panties in a bunch.” With that, Klaus left, closing the door; leaving Luther and Allison alone in the room.

“So, Klaus is still Klaus, in case you are wondering.” Luther started.

“You know, after all these years, I find it strangely comforting.” Allison stated.

“Did you see Diego?” Luther asked.

“With his stupid outfit?” Allison added in amusement.

“Oh, I know. Do you think he wears that thing in the bathroom?” Lauther asked.

“Like in the shower?” Allison asked for confirmation.

“Yeah.” Luther confirmed.

“Yes, absolutely!” Allison laughed.

The two went on to talk about how their lives are going now that they are adults. Luther was the only one to stay while the rest went their separate ways. Their conversation ended talking about Allison's family and her powers.

〰️

A little later, everyone congregated in the living room. The fire was still going in the fireplace as everyone sat in silence.

Luther started talking about doing a memorial service for their late father. Some like Allison were mostly confused by this or making fun of it like Klaus.

“Is that my skirt?” Allison asked, noticing Klaus wearing a skirt now.

“Oh, yeah this. I found it in your room. It's a little dated, I know, but it's very breathy on the bits.”

Luther stopped Klaus before he could go further and started to talk about their father's death. He had a theory that he didn't die simply of heart failure. He recounted how he was acting suspicious and requested Klaus to try to communicate with him. Klaus was not interested.

“I can't just call Dad into the afterlife and be like, “Dad, could you just stop playing tennis with Hitler for a moment and take a quick call?”

“Since when? That's your thing.” Luther said.

“I'm not in the right… frame of mind.”

“You're high?” Allison asked, not surprised.

“Yeah! Yeah!” Klaus laughed. “I mean, how are you not listening to this nonsense?”

“Well, sober up, this is important.” Luther said.

Klaus only sighed.

When Luther started talking about the missing monocle, Diego concluded that Luther was suspicious of all of them, saying that Luther thought one of them killed their dad. This caused everyone to get upset. Diego insulted Luther's leadership, Klaus got up and jokingly said that he might as well go murder their Mom and (Your Name), unless she was already dead. Vanya left in silence and. Allison left in silence as well. Luther tried to defend himself, but it was too late.

They weren't always like this. When they were kids, they were tight knit.

〰️

17 YEARS AGO

“This is Jim Hellerman, reporting live for Channel 2 News outside of the Capital West Bank at Main and Sixth. A group of heavily armed men stormed the bank not three hours ago and took an unknown number of hostages.”

The armed men surveyed the bank as they pointed their guns at the bound up hostages and pushed them behind the counter as they proceeded with the robbery.

Unexpectedly, a girl with curly black hair, in a school uniform and mask, walked casually to one of the robbers.

It was Allison.

“Hey, get back with the others.” The robber ordered the girl.

“I heard a rumor.” Allison spoke.

“What? What did you say?”

Allison leaned forward and used her ability, “I heard a rumor that you shot your friend in the foot.”

The robber pointed his gun at one of his partners and promptly shot him in the foot, knocking him down. The hostages screamed at the sound of the gun.

Suddenly, someone, dressed in a boy's school uniform with a mask came crashing down from a window above and landed behind the counter. It was Luther. He punched one robber and threw him out the window with surprising strength.

Then, another kid dressed like Luther came from the other side of the bank. “Guns are for sissies. Real men throw knives.” He threw two long knives at one of the robbers only for them to redirect to another robber and immediately killed him.

There were now only two robbers left in the lobby.

One of them climbed onto the desk and pointed his gun shakily at the three kids. “Get back, you freaks.”

“Hey, be careful up there, buddy.” Diego, the knife throwing kid taunted.

“Get back now!”

“Wouldn't want you to get hurt.” Allison taunted as well.

“Or what?”

A fourth kid appeared seemingly out of nowhere, sitting criss cross on the desk. A taunting smirk on his face. This was Number Five.

The robber shot at Five, but he disappeared and reappeared on the other side. When the robber turned around and tried to shoot him again, he suddenly realized that he was not holding a gun.

“Ooh! That's one badass stapler!” Five taunted before smacking the guy's hand holding the stapler into his head. This knocked the robber over.

All they had to do now was get rid of the robbers in the vault.

Or so they thought.

There was one more.

He loaded his fun and his gun cocked, catching the kids off guard.

“Down you freaks!” He yelled.

Suddenly, running from a hidden place behind a wall was a fifth kid, dressed like Allison, as she pulled down her face mask. She directed her attention to the robber.

“Explode!”

The single word echoed loudly through the bank, and just before the guy could turn his gun to the girl, his body suddenly exploded, body parts, guts, and blood spreading out everywhere. The hostages screamed in fear. The girl quickly covered her face again, breathing heavily as she ran to her siblings.

She gestured to all of them. They couldn't see much of her face, but they could tell she was worried by the look in her eyes.

“We're okay. Thanks (Your Name).” Allison said.

(Your Name) hummed, nodding as she walked over to behind the desk with the others, while two more kids dressed like the rest of the boys joined them. Five looked at her. “That was pretty badass. Good work.” He complimented, giving her a smile. (Your Name) felt her cheeks warm up a little, and she tilted her head a bit and closed her eyes. Most people wouldn't be able to tell her expression behind the mask, but Five knew she was smiling at him in thanks.

“Do we really have to do this?” A meek voice asked.

“Come on, Ben. There's more guys in the vault.” Luther told the boy.

Ben sighed as he walked to the vault door. “I didn't sign up for this.”

He entered as the hostages all ran for their lives out of the bank. Inside the vault, the last of the robbers were eyeing slaughtered by Ben's ability. He screeched and roared as his tentacles ripped them apart and threw them against the walls. Blood splattered all over the windows.

Once it was quiet, Ben came out, covered in blood. “Can we go home now?” He asked, his breathing shaky.

It was time to leave.

The seven kids started walking towards the entrance of the bank. (Your Name) pulled out a small vial and turned the cap. She pulled the bottom part of her mask up and put the bottle to her lips. She tilted her head back and started swallowing the liquid. She finished it and placed the empty bottle back in her pocket.

“Are you feeling okay?”

Five's voice made (Your Name) turn to him. She nodded and hummed in thanks. Five offered his arm to her. “Ready?” He asked. The girl nodded again, and she hooked her arm with Five's. Five smiled at her, and they started walking after their siblings.

The seven kids emerged from the back as the news reporters pointed their cameras at the group, and they all clamored to try to talk to them.

Above on the top of a building nearby, stood Reginald Hargreeves, observing the other kids with a mini telescope. An eighth kid, dressed like Allison and (Your Name), minus the mask, stood next to him.

“Why can't I go play with the others?” The girl asked.

“We've been through this before, Number Seven. I'm afraid there's just nothing special about you.” Reginald said as he lowered his telescope.

The girl looked down. “Oh.”

Eventually, Reginald came down to stand with the children.

“Our world is changing. Has changed. There are some among us gifted with abilities far beyond the ordinary. I have adopted seven such children.”

‘You mean eight.’ (Your Name) thought to herself as she looked down temporarily, her arm still linked with Five's.

“I give you the inaugural class of the Umbrella Academy.”

Many news reporters asked many questions.

“What happened to their parents?” One asked.

“They were suitably compensated.” Reginald replied.

“Are you concerned about the welfare of the children?” Another asked.

“Of course. As I am for the fate of the world.” Reginald said.

〰️

☂

Everyone was in separate rooms, having their alone time after the little dispute from earlier. Klaus was still in the living room, trying to talk to their late father but he ended up knocking the vase filled with his ashes over.

Luther was walking through the hallways, reminiscing until he got to his room.

Allison was looking through her belongings until she found a gold heart locket with ‘A+L’ carved onto the front.

Klaus took the vase into the kitchen where he proceeded to take more pills.

Diego laid on the couch in the living room, playing with one of his knives.

Vanya sat on the stairs, a solemn look on her face.

Luther eventually found a familiar record and played it on the record player.

“I Think We're Alone Now” by Tiffany started to play.

Everyone heard the familiar tune all throughout the house and they all started to dance in their respective rooms.

Childhood nostalgia ran through their bodies as they all danced like no one was watching. Even Pogo moved a little to the beat.

But suddenly, thunder rumbled and lightning flashed.

The music stopped as the house reacted to the violent disturbance.

The siblings all ran to the courtyard and saw a giant hole, surrounded by blue lightning.

“What is it?” Vanya asked.

“Don't get too close!” Allison warned.

“Yeah, no shit.” Diego said.

“Looks like some sort of temporal anomaly. Either that or a miniature black hole. One of the two.

“Pretty big difference there, Paul Bunyan.” Diego insulted.

“Out of the way!” Klaus exclaimed as he came out with a fire extinguisher and tried to spray it but it was out of steam. So, he just threw it at the mysterious anomaly only for it to get sucked in.

“What is that gonna do?” Allison asked.

“I don't know. Do you have a better idea?” Klaus asked.

The anomaly got stronger and Luther ushered everyone behind him to protect them. Klaus wanted to run. Luther and Allison held hands.

The electrical crackling intensified and someone emerged from the anomaly, arms out. It disappeared and the person fell out of the sky and landed on the ground. The sky cleared up as the siblings walked towards the person, who stood up. He was dressed in a suit way too big for him.

“Does anyone else see little Number Five, or is that just me?” Klaus asked.

The boy known as Five looked at himself then back at the siblings.

“Shit.”

☂

The six were now in the kitchen. Five was busy making a sandwich while the others watched in shock.

“What's the date? The exact date.” Five asked.

“The 24th.” Vanya replied.

“Of what?”

“March.”

“Good.”

Luther spoke up. “So, are we gonna talk about what just happened?”

Five didn't reply. He just continued with making his sandwich.

Silence fell for a couple of seconds until Luther stood up. “It's been seventeen years.”

Five scoffed. “It's been a lot longer than that.” He blinked over to the cabinet.

“I haven't missed that.” Luther muttered.

“Where'd you go?” Diego asked.

“The future. It's shit, by the way.” Five replied as he blinked back to the table.

“Called it.” Klaus said.

“I should've listened to the old man. You know, jumping through space is one thing, jumping through time is a toss of the dice.” Five looked up at the siblings. “Nice dress.” He told Klaus.

“Oh, well, danke!” Klaus said, playing with the article of clothing.

“Wait, how did you get back?” Vanya asked.

“In the end I had to project my consciousness forward into a suspended quantum state version of myself that exists across every possible instance of time.” Five explained.

“That makes no sense.” Diego spoke up.

“Well, it would if you were smarter.” Five sasses.

Diego stood up to confront the boy but Luther stopped him, holding him back.

“How long were you there?” He asked.

“Forty-one years. Give or take.”

Luther and Diego sat back down. “So what are you saying? That you're fifty-eight?” The former asked.

Five looked at Luther. “No, my consciousness is fifty-eight.” He finished his sandwich. “Apparently, my body is now seventeen again.”

“Wait, how does that even work?” Vanya asked.

“Delores kept saying the equations were off. Eh.” Five took a bite out of his sandwich. “Bet she's laughing now.”

Vanya was confused. “Delores?”

Five ignored her and looked at the newspaper that told him about Reginald Hargreeves’ death. “Guess I missed the funeral.”

“How'd you know about that?” Luther asked.

“What part of the future do you not understand?” Five asked. “Heart failure, huh?”

“Yeah.” “No.” Diego and Luther said together.

Five hummed before clicking his tongue. “Nice to see nothing's changed.” Then, he got a good look at his siblings again. He realized that one was missing. “By the way, where's (Your Name)?”

The other five siblings looked at each other, solemn expressions on their faces now. “Well…” Vanya started. “There isn't an easy way to say this.” Allison said. “She's in a coma.” “She's dead.” Klaus and Diego finished. “Diego!” Allison scolded.

Five looked at his siblings, a subtle look of worry on his face, but on the inside, his heart was beating faster. “What happened?”

“Well…. like I said… this isn't easy to say.” As Allison tried to explain, they suddenly heard soft footsteps approaching the kitchen. They slowly turned their heads and what they saw shook them to the core.

There stood…

(Your Name).

Klaus yelled in surprise.

“Holy shit.” Diego said.

Everyone else looked in surprise.

(Your Name) was alive.

[homestuckreplay]

As somebody who’s nuerodivergent and has MDD (Major Depressive Disorder aka Clinical Depression), I find those points about John very interesting! Is there any other hints of this throughout the comic that we’ve seen?

hello!! sorry this took so long, I reread every John page so far and I now have a normal length answer to this question!! (2.9k words shhhh) I will broadly talk about neurodivergence first and then depression, but some of these points could apply to either or both.

I’m also neurodivergent, and I’ve had depression in the past, so this is based on my personal experiences + reading through the diagnostic criteria. if anyone else has different experiences I’d love to hear about it!

So my favorite academic article I’ve found this year is in a journal of disability studies by autistic writer David Preyde, and it’s just him listing all his special interests and how and why they became important to him. It reads like a blog post and I love that it was ‘officially’ published. It reminds me so much of how the Homestuck kids have been introduced, just more in depth.

John is hitting some common/stereotypical special interests, like computer programming and movie trivia, and some less common ones, like old comedians. I don’t think the fact of having interests makes John neurodivergent, but his approach to them might. John sees a Con Air reference and immediately starts explaining the plot of the movie (p.132); he also does recreations of Deep Impact (p.21), A Time to Kill (p.109) and Armageddon (p.223) He can list all the rare Gushers flavors (p.979). He thinks Colonel Sassacre will be able to tell him the ‘precise index of elevated hilarity’ of a joke (p.36). John treats things really methodically, he likes to list and sort and categorize. It’s why he likes programming computers but isn’t good at it – he knows it’s a great hobby for all that, but hasn’t quite mastered the rules yet.

This is also how he figured out punch card alchemy. Not only does he pick up a new skill much quicker when it relates to an existing special interest (stage magic), but he’s a super fast problem solver when the rules make sense and it works the same every time. He prefers familiarity, taking a while to adjust to changes, like taking time to warm up to the new MSPA adventure (p.112).

I would even argue that John’s sylladex could be a new special interest – it’s something he’s just found at the start of the comic (while his friends have all been into it for a while) and he’s deeply frustrated by the rules at first, when its behavior constantly changes due to different numbers of cards, lack of available cards, options to combine items, new modi, etc. But he still works at it for hours even though it’s hard, because it’s captivated him somehow. He picks up the language and techniques at a speed that’s only possible for someone very dedicated, and he’s super excited to get the control deck for his birthday, a very practical gift that other kids might be bored by. This is like the Homestuck equivalent of getting a backpack with a lot of pockets.

John is really proud of the computer wallpaper he made (p.25) and still gives his dad drawings to put on the fridge (p.253) – he’s very earnest about his interests. He also kind of has the fandom impulse to create his own canon that he likes better than the source material – upon seeing Harry Anderson: Wise Guy, he thinks that ‘Mike Caveney's glowing treatment of the man does him every bit of justice’ (p.253), but when he actually re-reads the book, Caveney’s ‘ambivalent attitude toward [John’s] favorite magician in these anecdotes always struck [him] as a little weird’. John is inventing Wise Guy fanfiction in his head which is incredible. It’s also an example of black and white thinking, and the quick switch from one extreme to the other in opinions without much room for nuance, that John often exhibits.

John also has a lot of specific object fixations, or comfort objects – the Con Air bunny has quickly become this. In the original movie the bunny is owned by a 7-year-old girl, while John presents as a 13-year-old boy, someone for who it’s far less socially acceptable to own a stuffed animal – but John isn’t concerned about that. The green slime ghost pogo ride is another object he returns to over and over – other people might see that as a dangerous knockoff piece of junk, but to John it carries a lot of meaning (p.105, 476). He’s always carrying things like a wizard’s hat (p.44) or shaving cream (p.488) in his sylladex that have no practical use, he just wants to have them.

John is really weird in social interactions, and often tries to avoid them altogether. The lengths John goes to to not run into his dad while exploring the house in the first 100 pages take more time and effort than actually talking to him, but John avoids him no matter the cost. On page 30 he’s also frustrated because Dave is texting him again, and John wants to be left in peace to look at his video games. Not play the games, just look at them. It’s very relatable to me to want to just enjoy my cool stuff even when not actively engaging in it, and to have a lot of ‘off time’ even from my close friends.

John responds to Rose’s genuine sentiments with ‘haha, oh jeez, that is silly!’ (p.256) and struggles with getting his dad to talk about his nanna’s death – on page 543 he considers asking her about it directly; I think some neurotypical people may see that as an unwritten social taboo. But John isn’t uncaring; he marks his friends’ birthdays on his calendar (p.999) and buys them all personalized gifts that they all end up loving, even if Rose interprets hers as a ‘subtle dig’ which John didn’t intend (p.442). John also says ‘ok, i guess i will take your word for it’ to Nanna (p.420) could come across as passive-aggressive, but John means it so genuinely.

John struggles to see beyond his own perspective, like when he’s surprised that it’s already dark in Rose’s house (p.174) despite knowing where she lives. He’s generally very preoccupied with his own concerns, but he eventually remembers to ask Rose ‘are you ok? hasn't your house been on fire for like... five hours now?’ He clearly cares about the people he’s close to, but doesn’t show it in the most obvious ways.

John is hilarious, but he doesn’t tell jokes in a standard format. He is straightforward in all social interactions, and doesn’t have the bantering instinct that Rose and Dave do. Some top tier examples of John humor: ‘it is understandable because you are really attractive. i am attracted to you... jk haha’ (p.35), ‘oh, btw... jk I was wearing a funny disguise this whole time. gotcha! hehehehe’ and Rose’s accompanying response of ‘I know, John.’ (p.63), and ‘yeah, more like the opposite of all those things is the thing that is true!’ (p.386). He clearly has the jokester’s spirit, but unusual execution.

John generally takes things at face value, thinking that Jade ‘seems like a pretty regular girl’ (p.652), and his dynamic with Dave is really fascinating. All their conversations read like Dave is doing a bit and John is taking him completely seriously, but Dave isn’t making fun of John, they’re both having a good time. So it’s not like when a so-called normal kid bullies a weird kid in school, it’s more like these two people who are both different flavors of neurodivergent bouncing off each other in a way that unexpectedly works. This also explains why John hates GameBro and Dave likes it – John takes it seriously while Dave is reading it as a satire of other gaming magazines. (I actually don’t know which is true).  

John has a bunch of rigid rules for the world that read like shortcuts – he doesn’t innately understand societal norms, but has figured out these approximations through careful observation. A kid’s yard must have a tire swing (p.27), a fireplace must have a fire (p.50), and a father must have a pipe (p.74) and by satisfying the checkboxes you can make a family. He’s hesitant to break rules he knows even when it’s a logical course of action, like when he doesn’t want to break the window of his dad’s car to get the Sburb disc and save Rose’s life (p.289).

But if he hasn’t added something to his List of Known Social Rules, it’s open season – he’s completely unconcerned when he accidentally throws one of Dad’s harlequin figurines into the abyss (p.266) even though he gets upset when the things he likes are defaced. The imps are ‘stupid lousy’ for ‘mucking up all [John’s] cool stuff’ (p.473) and have ‘fucking ruined’ his movie posters which ‘were like children to [him]’ (also another example of object fixation). John being overly cautious in some social situations but totally oblivious in others is SO neurodivergent to me, so obviously someone who wants to get it right, but doesn’t have the innate skill.

John clearly struggles with emotional regulation, I don’t think he’s good at masking in face-to-face interactions, and even online ones when he gets stressed enough. He also has very physical reactions to emotional distress (and excitement!), and that can’t be explained by the medium needing to show emotions visually, because he does this to a FAR greater extent than Rose and Dave. John does a victory dance when he wins in battle (p.405) but scrunches up his face and covers his ears when Nannasprite offers him cookies (p.429). Some panels where he’s having a meltdown are really evocative, and it’s so easy for me to imagine how he must be feeling – the chaos of page 517, where John is paralyzed and panicked from way too many stimuli both inside and outside his head, is my best example.

His panic is also evident in his pesterlogs with Dave and Jade shortly after arriving in the Medium. He’s pretty rude to Dave, saying ‘dude, i don't have time for your nerdy raps!’ (p.204) and his sudden use of lots of exclamation points make all his messages sound distressed. He pours the whole story of his meteor escape to Jade, seemingly unable to stop himself (p.293) where someone with more control over their emotional responses might bottle it up, or at least calm down before explaining the story to a friend.

John’s intrusive thoughts are part of the medium; hearing commands in his head is better explained by the story’s rules than by John’s mental state. However, studies have found that intrusive thoughts are very common among humans – they’re just easy to dismiss for most people, while a small minority find them distressing to the point that they affect daily life.

Rose posits that John’s reactions to WV’s commands could be ‘the early symptoms of an anxiety disorder, like post-traumatic stress’ but I read it a little differently; I think his distress at WV’s commands, as opposed to the background radiation of reader commands, kind of represents how a symptom that is manageable in one context becomes debilitating in another.

Related to commands, John likes having clear instructions to follow, and doesn’t respond well to uncertainty. When he has no idea how to use the alchemiter, he just stands on it (p.161) – but he also doesn’t uncritically accept authority. He defers to expertise and likes to ask specific questions and get clear instructions before acting, but that has to be earned. He sees Rose as smart and capable in general, so he follows her instructions within Sburb (for example, p.178) unless he has a better idea (for example, p.187). But the Wayward Vagabond hasn’t earned John’s trust or done anything besides shout and insult him, so John resists his commands (for example, p.264).

A few miscellaneous things I noticed are John just HAVING to complete high fives with his sprite’s raised arm (p.198, 880), John being clumsy and accidentally toppling his nanna’s urn (p.53), John having very strong preferences when it comes to food, as he loves Gushers enough to get them as a birthday gift (p.972) but pulls instinctive faces of disgust at the thought of eating cookies (p.430), and the line ‘there is apparently no crisis so imminent that will deter you from contemplating idiotic and frivolous actions’ (p.199). I think that someone whose brain processes things differently may appear idiotic and frivolous, and they might even internalize that perspective, but the logic actually makes sense. (In this case, John trying to eat a unit of build grist taught him more about how grist as a gaming abstraction works).

Most evidence for John’s depression is in early act 1, before the plot really kicks off. John is very depersonalized at the start of the story; it’s only on his thirteenth birthday that he gets given a name, and he’s associated with a regularly-changing disguise throughout the first hundred pages. There’s a broader theme of mistaken identity in his home – his dad might be a clown or might be a businessman, the figurines might be clowns or harlequins or mimes, the poster on the wall might be Michael Cera but isn’t, and both John’s dad’s room and his own room are not what he expected them to be.

I think this theme of disguise relates to how John doesn’t see himself as having a real identity, perhaps not even a recognizable personality outside of his interests. I also think John is much better at masking his depression than his neurodivergence in a way that’s pretty tragic. Both Rose (p.63) and Dad (p.89) see through John’s CLEVER DISGUISE immediately and think they know John for it, but there’s another part to the disguise that they never notice.

John puts himself down a lot in the early story, insulting his own taste in movies and skills at programming in his list of interests (p.4), thinking of himself as a pooplord (p.5), as neither a skilled magician nor cunning prankster (p.8), stupid (p.16), etc. The “sad clown paradox” (for sure one of my favorite Wikipedia article titles) refers to the correlation between comedians and depression, and while it’s not universal, I think it’s very true for John. Playing a prank on someone and seeing their reaction is a moment of predictable pleasure in an endless drudgery of whiling away the hours, and those tiny bursts of dopamine – and connection with another person, if they respond well – are what keeps John going.

John struggles to focus on reading – every book he owns, we’ve seen him contemplate reading and put off until later. He does this with Colonel Sassacre’s (p.32, 69, 885), Wise Guy (p.123, 253), Data Structures for Assholes (p.116), and the Shaving Almanac (p.544). When he does sit down to read, he’s easily distracted (p.391) – he has good reason here, but this struggle to focus could be a sign of depression. This could be why John has an interest, paranormal lore, that we don’t really see him engage in; it’s easy for depression to take the joy out of something that was once filled with it.

I actually think it’s really interesting how Homestuck’s version of Wise Guy presents Harry Anderson – John’s hero – as a clumsy, incompetent fool (p.629) while the real world Wise Guy describes him as charismatic and in control of the crowd. I say this with all the love in the world, but John has the charisma of the fake Harry Anderson and not the real, and he believes that of himself too. John picking a hero who is described in such a negative light speaks to the type of people he identifies with.

On page 82, which is both the Homestuck title card and the best evidence for John’s depression, he refers to the streets as ‘empty’, to the ‘voids keeping neighbors apart’, ‘hollow’, ‘Desolation’, to feeling something ‘missing’, ‘eluding’, a sense of ‘lack’, ‘Absence’, a ‘mystery dispersing’, a ‘black well’. All that imagery is packed into two paragraphs that do not describe a happy person. This sense of emptiness, distance, space and loss of something is what I most associate with depression, and it provides a real contrast to those autistic meltdown moments where John is feeling too much.

John explicitly says that he feels trapped in his room (p.30) but I think he’s actually trapped in a mindset, and the room or house is more like the physical manifestation of that. That’s not a criticism of him, as I think that can be equally hard to break out of. I have talked a lot about growing up in the suburbs being terrible for finding community, but there is another angle. The Egberts are comfortably middle class, Dad has a car, money, flexible enough work schedule to take John’s birthday off, and supports John’s interests. There are probably computer programming clubs or amateur magic classes in a nearby city, and if John said he wanted to join something like that, I bet Dad would support him. John’s depression makes it impossible for him to even imagine a better situation, much less take steps to grasp it – he needed to be seconds from death for his survival instincts to kick in and make him take action.

I hope that answers your question! Again, I’d love to hear other people’s thoughts on this if anyone has different experiences or picked up on different John moments.

[cyberjello]

An Analysis of Alex Hill

Aka: "In Which Cyberjello Spends Too Many Words Projecting Onto One of His Favourite Characters"

If you're here from the SRS discord server, Hi! I noticed something neat about Alex, and because I either have nothing to say or way too much, I wrote this whole… thing about it. Enjoy!

On the other hand, if it's the future and you stumbled upon this post by chance and are still here because you like reading character analyses even when you know nothing about the character (like me), this is about Alex Hill. He's a main character from a webtoon called The Last Dimension, which you can read here (and should because it's great)! This pile of words contains some spoilers for the first and second seasons. Enjoy!

Alex is a pretty interesting character. Sometimes he's a massive jerk, and sometimes he feels really bad about having been a massive jerk. But 90% of the time he's a pretty chill dude (if a little insensitive) who doesn't seem to care about any particular issue. I've pointed out an example of this before; how in the span of a couple days he switched from harassing Phillip about not being normal, to telling him in no uncertain terms that his otherness didn't matter. At first I was a little mystified. It seemed weird for him to change his stance like that so quickly, yet at the same time it didn't feel out of character for him. So I thought about it a bit more, and then I had an epiphany.

Alex differs from the others in how he thinks. He doesn't worry about what could happen in the near future, like Fai does. He doesn't dwell on the implications behind pieces of information, like Phillip does. He's impulsive, quick to say whatever pops into his head, and rarely stops to consider the long-term consequences of his actions.

And gee, as a young fellow with ADHD who's only been medicated for less than ten years, that all sounds awfully familiar. And rereading TLD with that connection in mind has been quite interesting.

See, ADHD—or at least my particular flavour of it—does some interesting things with one's sense of importance. Past, present, and future are tossed aside in favour of a much simpler system: "Now" and "Not Now". Things that happen during "Not Now" are rarely factored into decisions made during "Now". Desires, ideas, and thoughts that happen "Now" are almost always a higher priority and given more immediate attention.

The most visible manifestation of this is impulsiveness: the moment at which you have an idea, something you could say or do, is Now. Anything else—be it a task you were just in the middle of doing, a favour somebody asked of you an hour ago that you should really get started on, or the possible future consequences of executing this idea—those are all Not Now, and therefore not important, in the unlikely event that they even come to mind. And you can definitely see that impulsiveness in Alex whenever he says something he really, really shouldn't.

But impulsiveness isn't the only thing that the Now/Not Now dichotomy is responsible for. One of the clearest places I've also noticed it is in how he treats Phillip. Remember how he switches from jerk to friendly almost on a dime? Yeah, he actually does that a lot in season 1, doesn't he? In fact, I've gone and taken SIXTEEN FRICKING SCREENSHOTS BETWEEN EPISODES 2-15 AND I'M GOING TO GO THROUGH AND TALK ABOUT EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THOSE MOMENTS BECAUSE I'M INSANE!!!

To start off though, I'm going to say what should be obvious to anyone who's read TLD: Alex isn't a mean person at heart. He cares a lot about those around him, including Phillip.

Anyway, in Episode 2 he acts like an absolute jerk to Phillip:

Clearly not the best of friends, are they? Well, you could have fooled me, because 15 minutes later, Alex is cheering him on and then looking out for him as he bluntly tells Phillip to "shift into [his] normal self".

And he proves to be a pretty good person after this. He's genuinely worried about Fai when she nearly drowns, and he's pretty friendly, if a bit cranky. But eventually it becomes clear how bad their situation is and all of a sudden—

—he's back to being a jerk.

But then Fai calls him out on it, and the effect is immediate.

He feels bad. He knows what he just did wasn't right. BUT THEN FIVE MINUTES LATER HE DOES IT AGAIN

Twice more this happens, where Alex is acting pretty friendly but then says something stupid, Fai tells him off, and he clearly feels bad immediately after—

—and then he acts like it never happened and he's genuinely friendly and nice again.

In fact, after that first day on Imash, he never says anything mean-spirited to or about Phillip again. Insensitive, sure, but not outright mean.

This isn't just Alex changing his opinion over the course of a couple days. This little flip-flop he does is a whole pattern that I'm going to go ahead and examine a little closer.

To start, let's compare the first two scenes I mentioned. In their room the Institute, Alex is frustrated that he has to share a room with Phillip. There's a good reason for him to not be upset; he does care about Phillip, and sharing a room with him would really help Phillip stay hidden. But Phillip's predicament—and more to the point, the effect it has on him that Alex perceives—currently rests in the far-off land of Not Now. Meanwhile in the land of Now, Alex doesn't get to be in a room with his other friends. Phillip's visible otherness is a painful reminder of the perceived betrayal from when he revealed his true form. To top it off, there's the background noise of Alex's frequent use as a guinea pig. There's a lot going on, and only one target to lash out at.

15 minutes later during the fall to Imash, all those things have entered Not Now. On the other hand, "I'm no longer falling to my doom thanks to Phillip" and "Fai and Anne are coming and are about to see Phillip" become Now. Looking out for Phillip is the Now Problem, sharing a room with him is a Not Now Problem.

But that's fairly normal, isn't it? Of course Alex is going to be nice to the person who just saved his life. Let's continue.

After they swim the shore, Alex is actually relatively friendly with Fai, in contrast to the name-calling and snarkery he used with her and Susi back at the Institute. Because Now, Fai isn't someone annoying trying to get in his way, she's just someone stuck here along with him.

Speaking of which, he doesn't seem all too concerned about what just happened. Annoyed, maybe, but not worried. After all, nothing bad is happening Now. But then Anne finds a tablet with an alien language on it, and the fact that they're not in Kansas anymore suddenly becomes a very big, very obvious Now Problem. Alex finally feels the true gravity of the situation, and lashes out at Phillip. (This provides a decent example of that impulsiveness again, where Alex's brain makes a connection and he acts on it Now.) Which brings me to my next observation, which is that Fai, by intervening, basically gives Alex the opportunity to realize when he's in the wrong.

Now, this part brings back a lot of memories from before I started taking medication for my ADHD. I used to tease my sister relentlessly. As Paranatural's Ed Burger puts it:

As I myself can testify, that bit about the reactions is the key here, ESPECIALLY when one has ADHD and that immediate reaction, the thing that happens Now, is practically the only thing that matters here. When I used to mess with my sister, I hated making her sad and felt awful wherever that happened. But angry? When she got angry and chased me around the house I thought was hilarious. It was that brief but very much Now moment of entertainment that motivated me. However, we've seen that Phillip doesn't give much of a reaction when bullied. He freezes up and then afterward, he disappears somewhere for half an hour to cry where no-one will see it:

And I believe that LACK of an immediate reaction is just as important. Alex has a lot of crap in his life to move him to take it out on Phillip. He doesn't need a reaction to do it, but the absence thereof means he never immediately sees how much Phillip suffers because of it. It never becomes apparent Now, when he's able to notice. But then along comes Fai, who does react when he says something hurtful about somebody else. And it's her reaction that makes him stop and become able to realize that what he was doing. He genuinely feels bad because as I said earlier, he doesn't want to be mean, he's just never able to notice when he is.

There's one other things I want to point out about the Now/Not Now thing. When you have something that could happen or will happen in the future, something that could affect you in some way, it doesn't really seem real. It's not immediately affecting you, it's Not Now, so there's no need to worry. And I see this in Alex a LOT.

These are his thoughts about seeing a giant energy beam appear in the distance: "I'm tired; it's not a Now Problem, I don't feel like thinking about it right now." The reason I find this familiar is because it's exactly what my brain would tell me whenever I sat down to do homework with a far-off deadline. And later, when Alex and Fai tell Phillip about Fai's bad vision about him, he very clearly isn't thinking about the contents of the vision itself; they're not happening Now, after all. He doesn't seem even a little worried about it, unlike Fai.

Now, I'm not going to outright say "Alex might canonically have ADHD" because I'm not a brain biologist who knows how to look for this stuff, nor do I know if this was intentional. (I'm also never been one to form headcanons, I typically stare at canon and go, "yup, that's pretty cool!") But I will say that I have ADHD, and I see a lot of myself in Alex, which is pretty neat.

[gladumfdoodles]

27 :D

number 27 is Bad Apple by Cloudjumper and Un3h!

for this one i did something a bit different! instead of writing a short prose drabble, i decided to plan out a bit of my lovely new au, wildcard au! every time i hear this song, i think of an anime opening, so i figured i would post the outline for the au in response to it!

word count: 255

ohohohohohohohohohohohoho

title: wildcard au

grian- villain(?), mimic, can match other people's powers for 6 hours (5 minutes irl → 6 hours in game time), can't switch powers until cooldown wears off, weapon: guns and knives

scar- hero (but also secretly villain), space manipulation (can make himself lighter, can make his punches have more force aka knockback, can redirect people's attacks to damage them as well aka thorns), weapon: bow and his fists

lizzie- villain, can make everything dark and has short lasting invisibility, exhausts her, weapon: knvies

jimmy- villain, is invisible until someone touches him, can make anything he's holding invisible as well, weapon: daggers

joel- vigilante bordering on villain, can create ledges and such out of thin air, allowing him to parkour through the air basically, weapon: baton

gem- hero, astral projection, can talk to dead people and spy on others, weapon: gun

tango-hero, super speed, super fast metabolism, weapon: scythe

mumbo and skizz- vigilantes, zomberts, weapon: usually given knives

impulse- hero, teleportation, if locks eyes with someone, can swap places with them, weapon: gun

scott- hero, basic shapeshifting, animals but not people, weapon: potions and knives

cleo- vigilante, zombert control, weapon: sword

pearl- hero bordering vigilante, flight, weapon: bombs and scythe

bigb- vigilante bordering hero, can summon certain mobs, his favorite is the creaking, weapon: daggers

ren- hero, people shapeshifting, weapon: axe

martyn- hero bordering vigilante, super hearing, weapon: baton

bdbus- hero, time manipulation, can slow it down or speed it up, weapon: none, but has a shield

etho- vigilante, wind control, weapon: mace

[scfrozenover]

It's the last day of reveals! We hope you've enjoyed all the wonderful holiday fics so far, and here are a few more tasty treats!

Creator reveals will begin one week from today (12/30)!

*❄️*

DAY SIX REVEALS

Merry Christmas, David Rose

[David/Patrick, E, 14,031 words]

He doesn’t have any intention of staying in Schitt’s Creek, he knows it’s a stepping stone on his path to, hopefully, something better for him.

And he can’t imagine working here for too long: a shopping mall named Pa-Ray-dise, for a ridiculous man that insists on using his face as a marketing strategy –despite Alexis’ best efforts.

He exhales and looks at the people closing their stores and getting ready to go home. In front of him, on the lower floor, he observes how Alexis’ brother closes the store he works in and starts rolling a scarf around his neck as he walks towards the exit. The thought that he’s beautiful surprises Patrick, who’s never thought about a man on those terms before. But he is. Jet black hair, perfectly coiffed, long lean legs, a strong upper body wrapped in an expensive looking coat…

David. His name is David, his brain supplies.

Patrick watches him leave, feeling unsettled by the sudden impulse to follow the man, and a strange sensation unexpectedly lodged on his gut.

*❄️*

A Cold Winter's Night

[David/Patrick, T, 5,148 words]

They fell asleep not long after sliding between the covers, Patrick spooning David, as they often did, already dreaming of the white Christmas he hoped they’d wake up to, and the prospect of sharing more Brewer holiday traditions with his husband in the morning.

What he didn’t expect was to wake up in the wee hours of the morning with chattering teeth and David clinging to him like a koala bear, not to mention a distinct chill in the air that was most definitely not right.

*❄️*

Johnny on the Spot

[David/Patrick, G, 3,727 words]

Patrick and David visit the Brewers for Christmas for the first time since Patrick has moved to Schitt's Creek.

*❄️*

we'll take a cup of kindness yet

[David & Rachel, G, 1,945 words]

He hasn’t actually seen Rachel since that fateful day at the motel. She didn’t come to the wedding, though she was invited. He knows that she and Patrick have been talking more and more, trying to work their way across the crevasse of time and history to becoming what they always should have been, which is best friends. David’s interactions with her have been minimal, though, and he definitely wasn’t expecting to see her here—he doesn’t do well with surprises, especially when that surprise is his husband’s ex-fiancée looking at mediocre cheese.

David runs into Rachel while on an errand for Marcy and it's definitely not weird at all.

*❄️*

[podfic] Friends and Family Night

[Stevie/Twyla, G, 17:01]

“I want to meet Twyla,” David said as he plopped into a seat next to Stevie’s desk. She raised her eyebrows at him in what she hoped was a very clear ‘no.’

~

Aka, the Score adjacent fic where David wants to meet Stevie's girlfriend Twyla.

 *❄️*

CREATORS: If your works were released today, please don’t forget to update your posting date!

[cowboyellies]

august e.w. (1)

summary/ author’s note: hello! this is my first tumblr fanfic (also my first post because I’m not really sure yet how this website functions lol) I decided since it’s august to write an ellie fic inspired by the taylor swift song! (and the folklore love triangle in general) for those already aware of the story, ellie is supposed to be james, dina is betty, and the reader is augustine.  the characters are all supposed to be in the summer before they start college (18) so a slight difference from taylors lyrics. other than that the story is pretty much the same (aka angsty with a sad ending for poor reader </3) this is gonna be a multiple part fic so buckle up!

for those not knowledgeable in the folklore cinematic universe: after an awful fight with dina right before the start of summer (and dina’s three month long summer trip) ellie is left with unanswered questions about her and dina’s relationship and their future. ellie then meets you and pretty soon you begin a summer fling, leaving you questioning whether she was ever yours to lose?

warnings/themes: angst!!lots of it, cheating (womp womp), ellie is stupid and kind of a dick, reader is delusional and a little pathetic (me core), alcohol and weed use, eventual sexual themes (prob not in great detail because i suck at writing smut) talk of non consensual groping, homophobia (fun!)

word count: 2.1k

---

you decided to leave the prom an hour and a half early. the music was lame, the tacky decorations didn’t do nearly enough to mask your public school’s moldy gym, and your date, who you had made sure to inform multiple times that you were just going as friends, tried to stick his tongue down your throat in the middle of the dance floor. you said goodbye to your small group of friends who were still partying with their dates, and made it to the exit of the sweaty gym, making sure to toss the lame corsage you had been given in the trash on the way out. since your debt ridden public school had cheapened out at the last minute and moved the prom’s venue from a nice event hall two towns over to the gymnasium, your friends decided to skip the whole overly expensive limo thing and just take your cars. you made your way to your old but lovable station wagon and began driving the opposite way from your house. you knew if you came home this early your mom would bother you with questions so you figured you’d stop and get a slurpee to pass the time.

and that’s when you saw her, the girl you had seen earlier in the night awkwardly standing near the punch bowl fiddling with her thumbs while her date danced energetically with her friends. you had seen ellie williams before but never paid much attention to her. she had a famously close friendship with dina woodward, probably the most beloved girl in your small town yet she herself kind of flew under the radar. It wasn’t until tonight when you saw ellie in her black suit, arms linked with dina as they entered the dance that you realized they were definitely together. given your small town’s outdated views and ridiculously rampant gossip mill they could obviously never label themselves as together publicly, but you could tell. you knew the small town closeted lesbian look all too well. 

you noticed now as you approached the reddened stop light where you both would be waiting for the next minute that she looked really sad. her posture crumpled as she trudged along the broken cobblestone, a look one could only describe as heart broken across her face. Impulsively you felt your fingers moving to roll down the car window. you weren’t the type of person to involve yourself in anyone’s personal problems, but the mixture of your own shitty night and ellie's grim expression moved something in you to open up that window. 

“hey!” you called out to her across the sidewalk. her saddened daze broke and she looked up at you surprised, so lost in thought she forgot anyone else in the world existed. “get in!” you yelled, shocking yourself in the process. you watched as her face changed from confusion to wariness. you watched as she mulled the proposition over in head, registering your prom dress as a sign you had come from the same place as her and therefore most likely were not trying to murder her, only give her a ride home. she hurried over to your car before the light could turn green, shutting the door with intense force behind her making the both of you slightly jump. soon after the light turned green and you began driving to the 7-11 which was only a couple of minutes away, a 90s song quietly played in the background as you nervously tapped your fingers on the wheel, starting to regret your decision as you weren’t sure what to say. 

Ellie opened up her mouth a few times to talk, but realized she wasn’t sure what to say either. This night had worn her down to exhaustion and for the first time in hours sitting silently in your car provided her with a surprising sense of calm. as your car finally pulled into the neon lit 7-11 parking lot you finally turned to look at her. her expression while still sad had lightened a little and you noticed now under the intense lighting how pretty her freckles were. 

“do you want a slurpee?” 

—

you and ellie sat on the hood of your car quietly sipping your slurpees, yours a mixture of cherry and coke, her’s blue raspberry. the parking lot where you sat was vacant, the only other car there was likely the worker of the 7-11 behind you. 

“so…” you began to speak, putting an end to the comfortable silence. “prom was pretty great huh” you joked. she shook her head and smiled lightly, turning to look at you the first time that night. she noticed quickly that you were very beautiful, a fact that hadn’t crossed her mind in the midst of her heartache. she wondered suddenly why you had left the prom as early as her, another thought that hadn’t crossed her mind. 

“so um, dina, was she your date?” you asked, trying to keep your voice as nonchalant as possible, already knowing the weight behind your words. you noticed her body stiffen and soon regretted bringing it up. 

“sort of yeah,” she replied, her voice harsh. an awkward silence rested between you two until she began to speak again. “what about you, no date?”

“I wish, I had a date, jamie dawson. I thought we were just going as friends until he tried to grope me during the cha cha slide,” you cringed, taking another slip of your slurpee.

“gross. he’s a dick.” she replied. he was a dick, ellie had thought so ever since she caught him looking at dina’s ass while she cheered at last year’s fall pep rally. she wanted so badly in that moment to yell at him, inform him she was taken. but of course she couldn’t.

a similar situation is what led to her current shitty mood. she showed up to dina’s that night, crumpled corsage in hand as she nervously knocked on her door. she was greeted by dina’s dad. mr. woodward had always scared ellie since the first time she had met him in eighth grade. he made his disdain for ellie clear to his daughter, as he disapproved dina having such a close relationship with a girl like her, a girl who skateboarded around town in her dirty converse and boyish clothes. he hated how close they were and even though they had always done their best to hide the real nature of their relationship, he always suspected something was going on between them. when mr. woodward saw her at the door standing in her thrifted suit, his face crumpled in contempt, the first hindering in ellie’s confidence that night. 

she brushed past that as she made her way into the woodward’s foyer where dina and her friends resided. ellie knew most of the girls due to cheer performances and all the time’s dina had dragged her along to events like this, but she was never really close with any of them. along with dina’s friends stood their dates, most of them douchey football players who were among the bunch of boys who found pleasure in shouting homophobic insults at her in the school halls. the one nice one among them she recognized was jesse. ellie knew him from her astronomy class and had always liked partnering up with him for group projects, his sense of humor was similar to hers and they always found themselves being scolded by the teacher for laughing during lectures. 

she creeped inside awkwardly waving as the crowd eyed her entrance. dina wasn’t in the room and she quickly began to panic until jesse snapped her out of it by dapping her up. 

“ELLIE!!!” he shouted as he wrapped her in a bro hug. she found herself being thankful to whichever cheer girl brought him as her date. 

soon after dina descended from the stairs, scanning the room to see if ellie arrived yet. when her eyes landed on the auburn haired girl she broke out into one of her signature bright smiles. when she reached ellie she quickly wrapped ellie in a hug, making sure not to let the gesture linger considering her parents were in the corner setting up their fancy digital camera. “took you long enough,” she teased

“sorry I forgot your corsage and had to go ba-” 

“I’m just teasing you, I don't care,” she replied gently, reaching down to grab the plastic corsage container. ellie blushed, noticing since she’d arrived all of dina’s friends sporting much fancier corsages. “I love it!” dina beamed. opening the box for ellie to put it on her. dina’s parents eyed them from the side of the room, suspicious of the intimate gesture. The only reason they allowed dina to go as ellie’s “date” was because dina told them no one had asked her. that was a blatant lie, there was a day the week before prom where three boys had asked her in one lunch period. 

the group lined up for group pictures and ellie stood nervously, trying to look as platonic as possible posing next to her girlfriend of almost two years. soon when people began branching off to do couples pics, dina’s parents beckoned her over. ellie stood in her original position but could clearly hear the whole conversation. 

“we noticed that nice boy jesse is going stag, why don’t you two pose for some pictures together?” dina’s mom prodded, stroking dina’s hair. ellie tensed. 

“mom n-” 

“come on sweetie, when you're older don’t you want to show your kids pictures of your date from your senior prom? not pictures of you and your friend,” her voice hardening on the word friend. dina began protesting more but suddenly mrs. woodward was calling jesse over to them. ellie watched in the corner as the woodward’s began posing the two of them together. dina sported a tense smile while jesse, confused by the situation but happy he got to be in that close of a vicinity to a hot girl smiled brightly. 

after the pictures the group made their way into the big limo dina’s parents had rented. dina linked arms with ellie and quickly noticed her tense nature. “hey, i'm sorry about that,” she whispered softly. 

“s’ okay” ellie replied, forcing a small smile. she knew dina wasn’t at fault for her parents' insane actions, but that didn’t stop her from hurting whenever they pulled stuff like that. 

the rest of the night continued on regularly. ellie still felt awkward amongst dina’s friends but tried her best to put on a front for her. as she and her friends danced energetically to early 2000s hits, ellie stayed to the side, letting her girlfriend enjoy the night without having to subject her to her awkward dancing. she figured she would pop in during the slow songs, the light swaying they required being the only move she could handle. that’s why when the ridiculously corny ed sheeran song that for some reason dina loved came on, ellie began making her way to the dance floor. she stopped suddenly at the edge of the floor when she saw dina smiling as she swayed with jesse. ellie’s heart dropped when she saw their joyful expressions, jesse spinning dina at a completely different tempo than what the song called for, both of them laughing hysterically

in retrospect ellie should have known this supposed act of intimacy she had walked in on was just jesse dicking around and trying to ruin the slow song for the rest of the couples on the dance floor, but seeing her laughing and holding onto his hands made ellie want to hurl. so much so, she quickly exited the gym. trudging alone in the dark scraping her doc martens on the rundown cobblestone street until you came along, offering her a ride.

you watched as ellie finished her slurpee, her face bitter as she recalled the night's events. you didn’t press her on it any further, knowing by her expression whatever had happened was bad. 

“where do you live? I’ll give you a ride. I have to kill time before I get home anyway,” you said as you slid off your car's hood and began unlocking it.

“thanks,” she replied, mimicking your actions. after she got in the car she began thinking back to your last sentence. “why can’t you go home?”

“don’t want my mom asking annoying questions. you know, worrying about me and shit,” 

“I get that,” she thought of what joel would say when she returned home, all bleary eyed and disheveled looking. she realized she should probably wait to go home until she knew he was asleep. “actually, um if you don’t have anywhere to be… could we just drive around for a bit?” 

you smiled softly and placed your hand on the ignition, “sure.”

—

authors note: sorry not much happens in this chapter I promise it will get good in the next one I just wanted to introduce the story a little and try to explain ellie and dina’s relationship before I got into writing more about the reader and ellie🫶

[psychicthepsychic-daily]

happy one year anniversary to psychicthepsychic-daily!!!

genuinely it feels unreal that I’ve been running psychic daily for a year. 🥹

cw backstory+emotions under the cut /lh

I started this blog impulsively at the end of last June, driven by my growing love for this character, Psychic, and by the encouragement of my dear friends and mutuals. Throughout this past year I ended up finding this blog a source of comfort and solace among the turbulence of exams and social life. Even though I couldn’t always post regularly due to various circumstances, it remained here for me to come back to whenever I needed a break from reality. I found it a place where I could ramble for hours and theorize and headcanon endlessly about my favorite character, a character I’ve loved for twice as long as this blog has existed.

Psychic Daily has become a sort of haven for me over this time, and I feel so blessed to have carved this little space out for myself where I can interact with so many lovely people and talk about something that brings me joy.

With that said, thank you to y010 aka @/daily-acvoid, perhaps my biggest cheerleader and the main mutual who encouraged me to start this blog for funni collab reasons /j. You’ve always been so kind and friendly to me and everyone else on here, and I’m so grateful to have become your friend over the past couple years. 💙🌟

Thank you to everyone who’s been following this blog and supporting it, reminding me that I’m not alone out here. Thank you to the people who I see in my notes every day, time and time again. It’s an honor that you guys enjoy my silly posts. tysm for all the love 💐💐💐

And of course, thank you to riveren and to the rest of the team— iFlicky, Shadow Mario, longestsoloever, everyone who worked on Mind Games and made it something truly worth loving for years and years, something we’re still having conversations about in 2024, something that inspired me like nothing else has. This funky little mod with its funky purple tea addict got me through some difficult times, and for that I can’t be more grateful.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you to everyone who’s still here, everyone who’s been here, who’s made the last year of Psychic Daily a year well spent. I really hope to continue this project for another year, because I truly don’t see myself anywhere else right now.

[wrightedgar]

I understand posting this on tumblr makes no sense, but if this partially hits one person it’s good enough…

Curing my social media addiction was the best think I ever did, in every single way possible. Not just tumblr.com, I have no accounts. No Twitter, no Instagram, TikTok, whatever the fuck. Can’t delete this one tho because it feels like killing my own child. I also only watch one YouTube video a week and honestly sometimes even that doesn’t feels interesting. I don’t really feel like playing anything either.

You don’t have to be so radical, just get to the point where you control your usage without feeling an agony if you don’t. If you never felt like this I’m so envy, but this has been my experience. I hope it half helps someone.

My life has simply skyrocketed. If you believe you are also addicted to social media really think about these:

Your memory will get insanely good. You will remember everything simply because you won’t be bombarding your head with 257346833 images, words, thoughts, you will forget.

You ware going to get SO MUCH free time. you are going to get more time to THINK, and you have no idea of what that really does. Everything will heal faster. Crazily fast actually (compared to months or years), and hurt a lot less.

You are going to get your creativity back and your curiosity you might have left on the way. No random impulses, you control your own life. Because you have time to think you will choose what’s the best thing to do next instead of jumping into your first impulse or agony.

Nothing will seem boring. This one is crazy but it’s the most true. Also the most important by far. Things won’t look hard or too boring to do because you are not a Las Vegas old man pressing a button 756434523 times. Aka you can make your self do whatever you want, and the struggle will be minimum. You can focus for hours on the most long term reward and not notice the time going by. Whatever struggle you have to go through to stop wanting to be online at every free second you is 100% worth it, I absolutely promise. As you get out you will notice 99% of the things you see are irrelevant. What’s actually relevant will find its way to you, don’t worry. It always does.

Social media addiction is normalized as if losing all of this is normal but at this point I really do not believe it is. I’m happy to be someone else from who I was just 5 months ago. And for the first time in my life I feel like I know who I am and where I want to get. Stay cool 🩷

[seragak]

   ☆

here are some ghost/soap fics that i’ve read recently that i absolutely loved (thanks to all the writers for writing & sharing their wonderful works) 🧼🖤💀 Poison Apple by surveycorpsjean  ☆ Just one bite; to taste, and let go.Or, the on-field flirting is getting a little ridiculous. Familiar as a Bottle and a Glass by queeniegalore  ☆ He’d had Ghost’s voice pouring into his ear for hours, somehow rough and smooth and smoky all at once, like the kind of Scotch he couldn’t really afford. And that voice, combined with the fatigue, the bone deep weariness, was starting to have the same effect as good Scotch on his resolve, on his fucking impulse control Soapghost Drabbles Collection by slytherco  ☆ A collection of Soapghost shorts. i'm afraid i'll go to heaven by malfoymoment  ☆ “So blackmail,” Ghost supplied. Price gave a jerky nod in affirmation. “Okay. What in the fresh hell does it have to do with me?” 141 Cafe (Comic) by BluishFishFood  ☆ Coffeeshop AU comic for the cod men. Demolition Lovers by eddie_dxaz  ☆ Soap is framed for a crime that he didn’t commit. Now a fugitive and officially an enemy of the military, he’s on the run desperately trying to survive. What happens when his best friend and former partner Simon “Ghost” Riley is sent to kill him but fails? Dripping Diamonds (Between My Thighs) by EmpressCirque for AppleCiderp  ☆  Soap sends Ghost a nude thanks to drunken courage. It goes better than he could have expected.

Emergency Contact by soapsbeloved  ☆

John MacTavish, known to most of his friends simply as “Soap”, is about as unlucky in love as you could get, never finding someone that would give him enough of a chance for a second date, resorting to sleeping around when he gets stood up. Simon Riley (aka Ghost), his best friend, seems to be the only person in the world willing to give Soap a chance, but the dumbass (Soap, that is) can’t see past the fact that Ghost isn’t very good at talking about things, and is completely and utterly oblivious to how Ghost feels about him.

Except You, You Can Stay by Iravaid  ☆

Five times Simon Riley let himself be vulnerable and was met with punishment for it, one way or another. Then, one time he finally wasn't.

gasoline in your heart by whisperwarm  ☆

soap and ghost start hooking up; soap and könig have apparently been hooking up; ghost doesn't know how to deal with it (eventual polycule)

Something In The Orange by insomniamemoirs  ☆

Soap wakes up next to Ghost in the mornings, just to get called by a name that isn’t his. Ghost wakes next to Soap and sees another Sergeant that he’s going to fail.

i'll write "i love you" with my fingers on your sleeping hand by books_bracken_and_booze  ☆

Many people often took one look at Soap and dismissed him as stupid. Why, he didn't know. He could hazard a guess that it was associated with the near-constant smile on his face and the jokes he cracked. You didn't become the resident demolitions expert by being dumb, however. And if there was one thing that Soap was good at, it was reading people.

Something About You by Crypticchaotic  ☆

@sgtslut posted an image!

or

Ghost is a simp. Soap is an attention whore.

Pattern Breaker by mothbeast  ☆

A canon-compliant rework and extension of MW2: Reboot.

☆

[lordadmiralfarsight]

Economy lesson : Money Velocity

Greetings my dear little Tumblrans, it is I, that guy that keeps making vaguely meme-y economy posts ! Today with horrible news : I have decided to teach outside of work hours ! On the plus side, unlike my IRL students, YOU can block me if you don't want the lesson.

And today's topic will be Money Velocity. What is money velocity ? It's not a bike city populated by sentient cash, despite what some might believe, no. It is the speed at which money moves inside an economy. What's that got to do with anything ? A fucklot ! Let me explain.

Money velocity is, like I said, the speed at which money moves in an economy between actors. Like consumers, banks, the State, companies, NGOs, etc. The faster that money moves, the better, because it means that money is being used for economic activity, powering various parts of the system and thus creating wealth.

Or, in the wise words of one of the few monarchs I am not physically incapable of tolerating, King Julian : we like to move it move it (it being money).

To illustrate, allow me to introduce a character : a random €100 bill. Yes, euro, not dollar, I'm European, you can't stop me. That €100 bill, which we will call Billy going forward, is used to buy a load of groceries at the market, let's say veggies for a restaurant. Billy is now in the hands of a farmer, who uses it to buy fertilizer to keep his farm going. The producer of the fertilizer then uses Billy to pay a worker, who then uses billy to pay for a new piece of furniture, and then Billy is used to buy more lumber, then to pay for repairs on a chainsaw, then to buy spare parts, then to ... You get the idea, Billy is on a grand journey through the economy, how delightfull.

When he's doing that, Billy is keeping the economic waterwheel going, round and round, and that economic waterwheel then powers society. A waterwheel that goes vroom means that the economy is healthy, which means you can safely invest in a house, new tools, a car, whatever, and it's likely that the investment will go at least OK-ish. It means banks can feel safer about lending, which is kind of a central part of our current economic model and one of our primary tools of wealth creation.

Now, if you've read my other two economic posts, you're probably thinking I'm going to explain how everything's fucked and how we're all doomed, which is a gross exaggeration and I...

Why everything's fucked

I could apologize for that easy joke, but I asked myself if I should just because I could, and my answer is no.

So, in short : money move fast, is good. So logically, if money move slow, is bad, right ? Exactly. So the question then is : what makes money go slow ? Well, a bunch of stuff can.

For instance, a low amount of existing money, AKA the money supply. People like hoarding what's rare and what has value, so valuable rare stuff is prime hoarding material. Keeping in mind that TOO MUCH money can also be bad due to hyperinflation, something that causes shudders of horror in prudish teenagers prowling DeviantArt (no, I will not change my joke) and in Germans in general (I use "cahs wheelbarrow" in attack mode to trigger generational trauma).

Another factor would be how easy it is to pay for stuff. For instance, if you have to go to the bank to take money out of your account each time you need to pay for something, unexpected/impulse buying is far less likely, if only because of the hassle. If you can pay with a credit card (and even more so if you can check your account in real time), you're more likely to feel confident buying things, which in turn means you'll buy stuff, which keeps the money moving.

Last big factor we'll see is economic actor behaviour. "Can I start blaming billionaires now?" Patience my dear, I'm giving you a reason. So, how economic actors behave has an impact on the economy, amazing discovery, next, scientists claim ocean is made of water. But more seriously, if you're putting money aside you're reducing money velocity by creating, I guess you could call it an economic drainage lake which you fill with your savings.

Now, that money isn't entirely out of the system, since you're most likely shoving it into a savings account which can then serve as a backing for banks to loan money (how did you think interests were accrued?) so it's still going through the system, even if far slower than if you spend it.

Those bank loans can still be given to consummers buying big things (like houses) and to companies looking to develop, and that still keeps the economy running, right ? Normally, yes.

"Is it time to blame Capitalism and billionaires yet?" you ask, and yes, yes it is.

So, why do we blame them now ? Easy : there's a second economic circuit that's going perfectly fine, the financial one. If we look at the entire system, there's plenty of movement of money on the stock markets, even without taking speculation into account which ... is a whole other subject I may have to look at later. The main issue is that this financial economic circuit is not as connected as the traditional one as it perhaps should be, which means the money injected into that circuit has a worrying tendency to STAY in that circuit. How ? Well ...

Investors put cash into a company, then they expect dividents. Those dividends are used to put more cash in the company or in other companies, and since monkey brain like number big, investors ask for MORE dividends, which means you need to cut costs somewhere, like for instance employees. That money is still pushing economic activity, it's still creating wealth, but that wealth is focused in a rather small group and is based on the inherently unstable stock markets, which means that it can evaporate whenever investors have a collective tantrum. There's also the fact that, despite the large sums of money involved, that particular mass of money moves far slower than the money used by consummers.

Second big issue : the drainage great lakes. You're not the only one to have savings, the 1% have savings too, except theirs are proportional to how much cash they have. Now, to be clear, most of their wealth is in assets, not in cash, but they still DO have cash, and as you are no doubt aware, they aren't too thrilled when asked to pay taxes. Taxation is theft and all that bullshit spewed by people opposed to snake BDSM.

Like I pointed out, savings aren't inherently bad, they slow down the flow of money a bit, but do not stop it, and in fact allow for crucial investments that produce new wealth. No, the main issue is where those savings are. Tax havens, a well known term for places where money is put to stay hidden and, sometimes, to be laundered. Well, these puppies form, in effect, giant financial retention dams, where rivers of cash are poured in and trickles come out.

Most of the money put in tax havens don't return to the economy they come from. And, to be perfectly honest, they don't go into the tax haven's economy either. It just ... sits there. Hoardingly.

Proportionally, the tax havens have less of an impact than the parallel financial circuit, but they are visible and, most importantly, symptomatic of a way of thinking, of acting, of hoarding wealth and value.

So yeah, that's money velocity, or how fast money goes in the economy. Put simply, our system is currently obsessed with the stock market due to a systemic gambling addiction and has forgotten that the basis of a consumption economy is the consummer, which uh ... is generally in a less than ideal situation right now.

Now, when this topic was suggested to me, "trickle down" economics was mentionned, with the suggestion that I show how it's a scam. Well, I think it's already done fairly well with the above, as the system set up to "trickle down" was what spawned the financial circuit and allowed wealth monopilzation that spawned the tax haven problem on its current scale.

But I feel I should go further.

Is trickle down economics doomed to fail in all cases ? No, it can work actually ! It's just like unregulated Capitalism or Real Communism(tm), it can work if you just do this one simple, cheap, easy thing : replace all humans with robots bound by a strict programming.

Like many other economic or political ideas, "trickle down economics", in its stated goal and ideal functionning, is predicated and dependant on being populated purely and entirely by good faith actors. Adding any degree of human interference leads to the idealized system collapsing in one way or another.

This leaves two options :

Reagan and co were unerringly naive and incapable of considering the possibility humans could act selfishly or in a way that didn't match their vision.

They knew and were counting on it, and only sold the ideal as a sugar coating for the bullshit.

I'll let you pick which one is more likely.

[theawakenedstate]

7 Powerful Strategies for a Structured & Consistent Spiritual Growth Journey (With a Spiritual Planner)

If you were to sit down at a coffee shop with me and ask what was the top spiritual growth lesson I learned this year, I might surprise you with my answer. The hugest thing I learned this year was Strategy! Specifically, Structure, Organization, and Strategy naturally enhance my Intuitive Flow aka Spiritual Alignment. This gives me back my Time, Energy and Focus. I know it shocked me too when I started thinking about it.

At the start of the year, I enrolled in a very in-depth marketing course and it changed my entire content creation world! Have you noticed? 😉 The Main Aha moment from the entire program was that I realized how much I was lacking strategy across the board of my own life, so I started expanding that outward to other areas of my life.

Some of these being Fitness, my Spiritual practice, Goal Setting Process, My Meal Prep in the kitchen, my content Process and so forth. I’m going to be honest with you, if I can find a way to get out of doing things manually or Creating more Flow in my workflow – I am the first to do it!

Structure is not a bad thang.

Why Do We Need More Structure, Organization, and Strategy as a Spiritual Person?

The Short Answer: Awareness. As a Spiritual person bringing more Mindfulness and Conscious Awareness into my life has consistently proven to be the strongest method to Personal Well-being,Positive Mental Health and Emotional Empowerment. Why?

Conscious Awareness is the dynamic opposite of reactive behavior.

Without Structure, Organization, or Strategy, we’re just a loose cannon floating in the wind without a purpose to our actions. Without awareness, We cannot create real change. In other words, we’re either more reactive or running on unconscious impulses in our everyday decisions. I invite you to consider how many times you impulsively open an app on your phone and get back to me on that….how many times did you click it?

As we live in the digital age of society, we have to be aware of how much Reactive behavior is created purely from External Influence in our day-to-day lives for our own mental and emotional health.

Examples of reactive Influence:

For example, Your goal today is to Film a Video for Youtube. Scenario: scroll Instagram, you say 5 mins of scrolling. You see someone’s post about the full moon and then you get in your head ‘maybe i should be making a post about the full moon too?!” Suddenly half an hour later, you’re on Canva designing the perfect Full Moon Post. You didn’t realize you were actually procrastinating and forgot about the video! Or how about this one:

You read about the latest conspiracy theories and suddenly you’re externally influenced by them. Then you decide to start doom scrolling and suddenly you’re feeling paranoid or unsafe to leave the house! As Spiritual People, It’s important to have Mental Discipline to promote more mindfulness and conscious awareness so we can reduce our reactive thoughts with pure conscious thought. This helps your Intuition the most, besides it’s better for your health too.

One of the Strongest ways to do this is with more Structure, Strategy, or Intentional Planning!

The Benefits of Structure & Intentional Planning

When it comes to Structure usually one of the hugest excuses we put up is that “it’s not intuitive” to plan or structure our day. There is often a language of “I can’t use strategy because I lose my Flow or Intuition”. WRONG. This is what I’ve discovered:

1. You Have the Right Mindset to Accomplish Your Tasks naturally enhancing your Intuition

I actually find the opposite to be true. The more I’m intentional, I am literally programming my mind towards exactly what I wish to achieve and the mindset I need to go with it. This naturally enhances my intuition and I’m more likely to tap into Magnetic Aligned Action in my daily tasks, like a mofo GPS programmed to a destination!

2. You’re Naturally More Consistent with your Spiritual Practice

When we add more structure or Strategy to our Spiritual practice we are more likely to show up consistently to it. This allows us to give up our excuses of “I never have time, space or energy for my spiritual growth, journaling or yoga practice”. Also with the benefit of more structure, you’re more committed to doing the Inner work and Meeting the Promises you make to yourself. Hence More Confidence & Soul Certainty! (Solar plexus Chakra empowered! )

3. You Gain Back Your Time and Even Energy

Do you know how much, wasted energy goes into something when we’re not structured on the goal, task, or outcome? Sure we can argue here that Flow takes us on detours for a reason. However, think about how much time is often wasted when we’re not even clear or Intentional about what we’re going to do. For example, If you know what you’re going to eat for dinner tonight, you are less likely to spend an hour trying to figure out What’s for dinner or rummaging in the cabinets for ideas. Then on Hungry impulse, you make something really unhealthy because you’re now starving. In the same way, If you have a sacred space you go to each morning at 8 am to journal or meditate, you are more likely to show up and just do it. Instead of, you know waffling around with your own resistance and ego mind-chatter talking you out of it. Likewise, If you put on your workout gear, with the sporty bra, you are more likely to just jump into your workout. Case in point. Structure changes lives. 😉

So now that we know the benefits of Structure, What are some easy ways you can start to Incorporate More Structure into your Spiritual Life? We all need a little bit of Order inside of all of this collective chaos, right? Right.

7 Ways To Track, Plan, and Create More Structure for Your Spiritual Growth Journey

Since I carry my own Spiritual Awakened Life Digital planner with me every day and it helps clear my head on the daily, I started adding more of my spiritual growth into my Daily Planner. It felt pretty natural to start adding my spiritual journey into my daily, weekly & monthly planning sessions. Now when I go to Plan my Entire Week, I have my Birds Eye View of my Momma Everyday Tasks, My Career Tasks, and My Spiritual Growth all together! This helps me stay organized and helps my Mental well-being too.

Let’s be frank, Writing things down keeps my mind clear and sane. I am less stressed when I write things down, this makes me naturally more Intuitive and Present-minded.  Here are 7 ways I track and structure My Life included in both my planner & Journal

1 – Break down your Entire Week with Intentionality

Do you know what’s happening during the entire week or are you flying blind by the seat of your pants? Probably the most used page in my entire planner is The Weekly Intentions Page.

At the start of the week, I allow myself some time to loosely plan what my focus is for the week with Intention. Each day is broken down, I see my weekly schedule. I write down my Self-care ideas, Mind-Body Spiritual Practices, What I want to work on for fitness, business, Important Dates I have, School or family gatherings, Fun Activities, and so forth. I plan the Bird’s eye view of All of my goals both Spiritual, lifestyle, and business. There is something about the Bird eye’s view of my schedule that just clears my brain completely.

2 – Use Habit Trackers For Your Meditation or Spiritual Practice

One of the most unconventional things I do for my Spiritual practice is I like to use Habit Trackers for Radical Conscious Awareness. This is a mini trick that I NEVER see mentioned in personal development and It’s helped me with Self-Awareness repeatedly so I can Track my consistency, emotions and energy levels. Habit Trackers are really helpful if you have a hard time Following through on your spiritual practice or you have a lot of excuses to commit to a practice (real talk). The Habit tracker gives you a reward system to promote consistency, discipline, and Structure! You know if you commit to 25 days of Meditation, you now have the Awareness of How often you are meditating vs. just going off your impulse of meditating when you feel like it. You can also set up habit trackers with a Fun End Goal in mind, like if you do 25 days of meditation you treat yourself to an oracle deck or a gourmet chocolate – depending on your personality this may or may not work for you. Play with it!

In general, incorporating Habit Trackers into ANY SKILL or HABIT you’re wishing to bring to life is so so good for increasing motivation and consistency in any skill. I cannot recommend Habit trackers enough for Conscious Awareness and more Mindfulness.

3 – Track Your Self-Care & Mental Wellness

Another way you can Track Your Spiritual Growth with more Structure is to lay out a Self-Care Plan! With a Holistic Wellness Tracker you can Write down your weekly plan of Self-care & mental health. For example: How many hours you slept, your Spiritual practice, self-care routine, mindset work, Daily Joy and even Creativity. Keeping track of your Mental Wellness, allows you to see where you may be lacking. Maybe you need more daily joy, mindset love, consistency of spiritual practice or more daily recharge with a self-care ritual. When we keep track of our Mental Wellness, we’re more aware of how we might be letting things slip through the cracks like sleep or self-care for instance. This awareness also gives you a look into Why your mood or emotions might be behaving in a certain way. Now you’re aware you got only 5 hours of sleep last night, maybe you won’t be so hard on yourself that you’re not as productive as you should be. 🙂

4 – Increase Your Mindful Eating with a Food Log & Meal Prep

If you’re working on increasing more mindful eating, looking to lose weight, gain weight or simply eat more healthy, you could start recording a weekly food log for more Awareness. Some people are not aware of What They eat throughout an entire day or especially during the holidays! (guilty 🙂 ) This helps give you the Conscious Awareness of Tracking what you eat from Morning to Night. You might surprise yourself with this, maybe you’re not realizing what food groups you consistently crave or eat. In the same regard, maybe like me, your food diet has to change for your menstrual cycle and you cycle sync your diet around it. Being aware of the shift in what you’re eating during each phase of your cycle is also hugely beneficial to less painful symptoms and hormonal Mood swings.

Likewise, we have to talk about the Benefits of Meal Prepping! My man used to think I was crazy because I always Prep a week ahead on what i’m making for the week. Now I use Everyplate for designing my meal flow for the week and then on the weeks I don’t use Everyplate, I write down a list of ideas of new Pinterest recipes I want to try each day of the week. Maybe I don’t want a big fancy thing on Monday so this is an easy meal day and so forth. This is a very unconventional way to increase your Mindful Eating Habits by structuring ahead your meal plan for the week.

5 – The Mindful Breakfast of Champions: Using Daily Intentions in your Daily Schedule

Do you want to know How I stay organized with such a crazy schedule sometimes? One thing I cannot live without is my Daily Intentions! I always take the time every single morning to write my intentions for the day and often look at my planner for my daily schedule. (I’ll be honest, sometimes I am not THIS ORGANIZED with my schedule, I am a mom afterall and distractions happen allthetime…mylittlepony) but Daily Intentions are a MUST.

In my Spiritually Awakened Life Planner, I have it broken down by: Weekly Goals, Daily mantra/affirmation, Daily Vision, Spiritual Practice breakdown, Daily Joys, Movement Exercise isolation by muscle group, Daily Schedule, your Classic To-do List, followed by the big kahuna, Daily Intentions.

Do I do all of that every day 7 times a week? Not always, I like to take the weekends off and holidays 🤣 However, This combination keeps me Mentally Disciplined and Structured with Pure Intention for my Daily workflow. I’m like a Laser beam of intent when I do it!

Sometimes My Daily Schedule looks like this:

For example, After I do my Daily Affirmations and set up my Intentions, I look at asking myself: MIND: Did I do my daily journaling for my mindset and Intentions?

BODY: My Daily Movement and Muscle Isolation today?

SOUL: What is my spiritual practice today? WEEKLY GOALS: What’s my 3 Goals this week? TOP PRIORITIES: What are the Top 3 Things I must focus on today? BRAINDUMP TO-DOS: Write down my Daily To-do List. IMPORTANT DATES: What needs done this week? & What is happening? DAILY MANTRA: What is inspiring me lately? DESIRES: How do I desire to feel today? ➡️This Mindful Schedule setup allows me to easily live with more Intention in my Daily Routine and Spiritual Life. I invite you to consider: how can you start to add more Intention into your daily routine?

6 – Working with the Moon with Monthly Rituals

One way to bring more Flow into your Structure is by creating a practice of working with the Moon. You can set up New moon Intentions and Full Moon Releasing rituals to help you begin your journey into Moon Rituals. This is something I do periodically where I set up my Own Manifesting and Healing Rituals for the Moon. I use my Digital Planner as a Guide to help keep my notes in order.

You use the New Moon Sheets for your Goals and Intentions you wish to call in.

Then you use the Full Moon prompts for Healing, Releasing, Closure and Letting go.

It’s one of my favorite ways to add more rituals into my Spiritual Life. Working with the moon has enormous benefits to it. This is why I also recommend Moon charting If you’re new to working with the Moon so you can see the benefits yourself. Right now it’s featured in our Giftmas – 12 days of Gift giving for the Holidays.Try it out yourself!

7 – Yearly Vision & Goal Mapping Even By Quarter!

Here’s the truth, If you don’t sit down and ask yourself what you even want, how do you know? This is where Yearly vision and Goal Mapping come in. The #1 Way to get more Intentional with Spiritual Growth and Consistent Goals is to Know What you’re aiming at.

What is your Target? aka Your Vision, Goals & Soul Desires.

If you have no target – You have nothing to aim towards and this is what you tell the Universe. In my Spiritual Awakened Life Planner, There is Yearly Visioning, Quarter Goal Check in and Goal Mapping sheets. These help you develop clarity on your goals and desires, period. This is so you know how to go into the New Year with supreme FOCUS and know your WHY behind your Goals, keeping you in more alignment.

Getting Clear on your Spiritual Growth, regardless of what you’re wishing to accomplish, requires sitting down and looking at the Vision. You can’t get clear on growth or worry about your lack of consistency, if you don’t know what your direction even is. Likewise, you can’t make a resolution on trying to lose weight, without a REALISTIC PLAN to back that up.

Why Resolutions Often Fail is the Lack of Realism

This is why most resolutions fail. They don’t have the Mindset or Realism to back up their goals with consistent action due to lack of planning. The best way to add more Structure to your Spiritual Journey is to Get Clear on your goals. Do you have goals? What is the Vision for your Life? What do you even want? How do you desire to feel? Do your thoughts support your goals? Are you taking action on them? This is work we do heavily in Awaken Your Aligned Vision Workshop. The Workshop for Your New Year Goals to help set you up for success in the New Year. It’s now featured inside of The new Monthly Membership, The Soul-aligned Life Academy!

In conclusion, My biggest lesson of the year is that strategy is KEY to Intuitive Flow and Alignment. I know that Tracking my Spiritual growth, Daily Intentions & even goals in my one place every day lets me reflect. This is one of the most excellent ways to be consistent and add more structure to your Spiritual Awakened Life. I hope you enjoyed these powerful strategies to help you on your own spiritual growth journey.

How do you like to track your spiritual growth in your planner?

Drop a Comment and Let me know below!

Your Spiritual Growth is so important but are you consistent with it? Sure you could do All of this in a Journal or Squeeze into your Daily Lifestyle Planner…. However if you want everything just laid out for you, Check out my Spiritual Planner, The Spiritual Awakened Life Digital Planner. Available now in Celestial Midnight and Celestial Unicorn Design. A Perfect Companion for Your New Year Vision, Monthly Spiritual Goals, and Daily Intentional Planning. Find out more info and a BTS walkthrough below.

https://www.theawakenedstate.net/consistent-spiritual-growth/

7 Powerful Strategies for a Structured & Consistent Spiritual Growth Journey (With a Spiritual Planner)

If you were to sit down at a coffee shop with me and ask what was the top spiritual growth lesson I learned this year, I might surprise you with my answer. The hugest thing I learned this year was Strategy! Specifically, Structure, Organization, and Strategy naturally enhance my Intuitive Flow aka Spiritual Alignment. This […]

[animesmolbean]

Words Hold Power 

An “The Umbrella Academy” fanfiction

Five x Reader

(Male)

Author's Note: Welcome to my The Umbrella Academy fanfiction! I'm so excited to share this story with you all! TUA is my favorite Netflix show! I'm very sad to see it's in its final season, but all great shows come to an end! But at least we'll get to rewatch it over and over again, lol.

Speaking of which, please, no spoilers for S4 since I have not watched it yet. I'll let you guys know where I am in S4 in coming posts.

With that said, I just wanted to tell you guys this. There was one hesitation I had with writing this story. Handling Viktor's character. I know about the journey of this character and Elliot Page's journey as well. I know about the transition, and I wanted to tell you how I planned on approaching this.

I did research on this topic and wanted to be sure I was handling it correctly. I researched how I should write transgender characters and their journeys throughout the story.

I also read other TUA fanfictions for research to see how other authors handle it, and like the research, it's a mixed bag. Some use Viktor only, and some show the name change.

After researching, I decided on an approach.

I will follow what the show does and show the transition story Viktor has. I chose this because I believe it's a beautiful journey, and the show does a great job handling the topic.

One last thing, all the main characters (The Hargreeves siblings) are aged up a little.

With all that said, I hope you enjoy the first chapter! ♥️

~Character Info~

Reader's ability is cursed speech.  She can make anyone do what she says with only a few words.  It's similar to Allison's, except she doesn't need to say certain words first like her, and her ability is much more powerful.  To the point where she has to be extremely careful about what she says.  

(As you can tell, this was inspired by the anime character, Toge Inumaki from Jujutsu Kaisen.)

Chapter 1: We Only See Each Other at Weddings and Funerals (Family Reunion)

On the twelfth hour of the first day of October 1985, forty-three women around the world gave birth.  

This was unusual only in the fact that none of these women have been pregnant when the day first began.

Sir Reginald Hargreeves, eccentric billionaire and adventurer, resolved to locate and adopt as many of the children as possible.

He got eight of them. 

Many years later, the kids grew up and went on with their lives as adults.  

There was Number One, aka Luther Hargreeves.  Big, strong and was currently on the moon, studying and preparing for whatever his mission was.  

There was Number Two, aka Diego Hargreeves.  Impulsive, brave and works as a vigilante of sorts.  

There was Number Three, aka Allison Hargreeves.  Famous actress who was currently on the red carpet in front of paparazzi.  

There was Number Four, aka Klaus.  A lazy, free-spirited soul who is currently leaving rehab and using the money he got from the rehab to buy drugs.  He ended up in the back of an ambulance.  

And, there was Number Seven, aka Vanya Hargreeves.  She was quiet, timid and was currently leaving the theater after practicing her violin.  

However, their lives would change forever with one broadcast.  

Their father was now dead. 

THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY 

☂

Vanya rode a taxi to her childhood home.  A place she lived for many years.  

The Umbrella Academy.  

A tall condo-like building with a black gate.  

Vanya approached the building and opened the doors, whose windows were decorated by umbrellas.  

The foyer was fancy still.  The middle was open with a chandelier hanging above a small round table in the middle.  Tall, smooth white beams holding the sides which held the second floor.  A staircase that leads to that second floor was behind the small round table.  

It was just as Vayna remembered it.  Every little detail was still there.  

“Hey, Mom.” 

Vanya called to the woman in the living room.  Said woman sat on the sofa in front of the fireplace which currently had a fire going.  She stayed still as she stared into the dancing flames.  

“Mom?”

“Vanya?” 

A familiar voice turned Vanya’s attention elsewhere.  

“You're actually here.” 

She turned and saw her sister, Allison coming down the stairs.  

“Hey, Allison.” 

“Hey sis.” 

Allison now stood before her sister.  She chuckled and brought the other girl into a hug, which Vanya quietly but graciously returned.  

“Ah.  What is she doing here?” 

A new voice spoke through the quiet foyer.

“You don't belong here.  Not after what you did.”

It was Diego.

“You're seriously gonna do this today?” Allison spoke up, her tone telling that she wasn't in the mood for the male's attitude. 

“Way to dress for the occasion, by the way.” She added, mocking Diego’s attire as he ascended the stairs.  He was still in his “hero” gear; knives and everything.

“At least I'm wearing black.” Diego shot back nonchalantly as he turned left on the stairs, disappearing from the girls’ views.  

Vanya, now uncomfortable, spoke up quietly, “You know what?  I- Maybe he's right.  And I shouldn't-”

“Forget about him.” Allison interrupted her.  “I'm glad you're here.” She spoke softly.  Vanya’s lips quirked up a little at Allison's words.  The sisters shared a moment of silence.  

☂

Diego arrived at his late father's room, to see Luther there checking the windows.  He leaned against the doorframe.  

“I can save you some time.  They're all locked.  No forced entry, no sign of struggle.  Nothing out of the ordinary.” 

As he spoke, he walked over to Luther who was also walking towards him.  

“Oh, you got big, Luther.  What's the secret, huh?  Protein shakes?  Low carbs?” Diego asked mockingly.  

“What do you want?”  Luther asked, not wanting to deal with Diego's attitude.  

Diego reached into his pocket and pulled out a few folded pieces of paper, handing them to Luther.  “The autopsy report.” 

After he teasingly tried to pull them away from Luther, the latter brother snatched them out of his hand.  

“And you have this, why?” Luther asked. 

“Well, that's because I… broke into the coroner's office.” Diego explained as he sat down in an armchair.  “And surprise, surprise, Dad's death was… normal.  Just a boring, old heart failure.”

“Yeah, so?” Luther looked at Diego.  

“So, why are you in here, checking all the windows?”

“Were you the first one on the scene?” Luther asked.

“Pogo found him.” Diego answered. 

“Yeah, I talked with Pogo.  He said he couldn't find Dad's monocle.”

“And your point being?” Diego asked in a bored tone.

“Can you think of a single time you saw Dad, and he wasn't wearing that monocle?  No.  Which means someone took it.  Which means there's a chance he wasn't alone when he died.”

Diego sat up from the armchair.  “There is no mystery here.  Nothing to avenge.  Nothing to solve, nothing like that.  It's just a sad old man who kicked it in a big empty house.  Just like he deserved.” 

“You should leave.” Lither spoke, not liking Diego's tone with that last sentence he spoke.  

“Whatever you say, brother.” Diego said in a mocking tone as he turned to leave.  Before he did, he turned back to Luther.  “By the way, did you visit (Your Name) yet?” 

Luther shook his head.  “No.  I was about to, actually.” 

“You know where he is.” Diego simply said.

☂

Vanya entered the living room, looking around at the interior.  She spotted a comic and new articles on their group, The Umbrella Academy.  She looked at the bookshelves and pulled out one book in particular.  

The title read, “Extra Ordinary My Life as Number Seven” 

It was her autobiography book.  The one she wrote when she left the academy. 

She observed it solemnly, until a voice spoke out.

“Welcome home, Ms. Vanya.” 

She turned and saw Pogo, a human sized monkey dressed formally with a cane and glasses.  

Vanya walked over to him and hugged him.  Pogo hugged back with a hum.  “So good to see you.” He noticed the book in her hand.  “Ah, yes, your autobiography.” 

“Do you know, um…” Vanya paused before continuing.  “Did he ever read it?” 

Pogo thought for a moment before replying, “Not that I'm aware of.” 

Vanya turned her attention to the portrait above the fireplace.  It showed a boy, around seventeen in age, sitting with a neutral but sophisticated look on his face.  

“How long has it been since Five disappeared?” She asked.

Pogo turned to look at the portrait too.  “It's been sixteen years, four months, and fourteen days.” The two looked at each other.  “Your father insisted I keep track.” 

“And… how long has (Your Name) been in that coma?” 

“Sixteen years, four months, and six days.” Pogo replied.  

“You wanna know something stupid?  I always used to leave the lights on for him.  I was scared that he would come back, it would be late, and the house would be dark and he wouldn't be able to find us, so he'd leave again.  And he would take (Your Name) with him.  So, every night, I'd make a little snack and make sure all the lights were on.” 

Pogo nodded.  “Oh, I remember your snacks.  I'm pretty sure I stepped in half those peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches, and those (Favorite type of Cookie) cookies.”  He sighed a couple times before he spoke again, “Your father always believed that Number Five was still out there somewhere.  He also believed that one day (Your Name) would wake up.  He never lost hope.” 

“And look where that got him.” Vanya said solemnly. 

☂

Allison went up to her late father's study, looking around the area.  The familiarity of it brought up a memory.  

〰️

Reginald Hargreeves was working in his office, as usual, when Grace knocked on the door.  She entered before closing the door.

“The children are ready for bed, sir.  They wanted to say goodnight.” 

She turned and walked a couple of paces and opened the sliding door.  

On the other side revealed the eight children, all wearing matching pajamas.  Allison was in the center while the others surrounded her.  Little (Your Name) stood between her and Five, a black cloth face mask covering his mouth and nose.  

The children were all smiling as they waited for their father to acknowledge them.  But he was so into his work that he didn't even glance up at them.  

Sensing the awkwardness, Grace quickly dismissed the kids.  The kids, of course, were disappointed but not surprised.  As they left slowly, (Your Name) tugged on Allison's sleeve, silently asking her to come.  

“I'll be there in a minute (Your Name).” The girl whispered.  (Your Name) tilted his head to the side.  Allison spoke again, “Why don't you go hang out with Five for a bit before bed?  I know you planned on it.” She gave the masked boy a small smile.  (Your Name) felt his cheeks warm up, but he nodded, leaving and quietly walking over to Five.  The boy saw him coming and, with a nod of his head, gestured to him to follow him.  (Your Name) nodded and started to walk beside him.  As he did, he heard Allison, 

“He's always busy.” 

〰️

“Where's the cash, Dad?” 

The sound of a voice diverted Allison's attention and she walked over to her father's desk, hearing clamoring noises.  She leaned forward to look to see who was over there.  

“Klaus?  What are you doing in here?” She asked.  

Said boy looked up and gasped at the sight of his sister.  “Oh!  Allison!  Wow, is that you?” He asked as he stood up.  He embraced her slowly; Allison slowly returned the hug.  “Long time.  Too long.” He pulled away.  “Hey, I was hoping to see you, actually, because I wanted to get your autograph.  Add it to my collection!” He planted his chin onto his hands.  

Allison let her brother act because it was how he always behaved when she noticed the white paper bracelet on his left wrist.  “Just out of rehab?” She asked.

“No, no.  No, no, no, no.  No.  I'm done with all of that.” Klaus replied with a sigh as he removed the bracelet. “I just came down here to prove to myself that the old man was really gone.” He smiled.  “And he is!  He's dead.  Yeah!” He clapped, making Allison smile a little, shaking her head a bit.  

“You know how I know?  Because if he were alive, not one of us would be allowed to set foot in this room.” Allison silently agreed with Klaus.  

“He was always in here, our whole childhood, plotting his next torment, right?” He said with a chuckle as he sat in the armchair behind the desk, putting his feet on the desk.  “Remember how he used to look at us?  That scowl?” He pointed to the man's portrait onto the wall behind him.  “Thank Christ, he's not our real father, so we couldn't inherit those cold, dead eyes!” He stretched his eyelids to show more of his eyeballs.  He fake screams, making Allison chuckle a little as Klaus started to dramatically imitate their late father. 

“Get out of his chair.” 

Klaus turned his head and saw Luther standing by the doorway.  “Oh, wow, Luther!  Wow, you really, uh… You really filled out over the years huh?” Klaus said as he stood and flexed his arm muscles.  

“Klaus.” Luther warned.

“Save the lecture.  I was already leaving.  You guys can talk amongst yourselves.  I am going to visit (Your Name).  Oh!  The precious little brother of ours.” He chuckled softly.  Before he could leave though, Luther stopped him.  “Drop it.”

“Ex-squeeze me?” Klaus said.

“Do it.  Now.” Luther ordered.  

Klaus pulled his arm away from Luther and went back to the desk and started to empty out his pockets, which held a few of his late father's belongings.  “It's just an advance on our inheritance!  That's all it is!” Allison chuckled silently at her brother.  “No need to get your little panties in a bunch.” With that, Klaus left, closing the door; leaving Luther and Allison alone in the room. 

“So, Klaus is still Klaus, in case you are wondering.” Luther started.

“You know, after all these years, I find it strangely comforting.” Allison stated.

“Did you see Diego?” Luther asked.

“With his stupid outfit?” Allison added in amusement. 

“Oh, I know.  Do you think he wears that thing in the bathroom?” Lauther asked.

“Like in the shower?” Allison asked for confirmation. 

“Yeah.” Luther confirmed.

“Yes, absolutely!” Allison laughed.  

The two went on to talk about how their lives are going now that they are adults.  Luther was the only one to stay while the rest went their separate ways.  Their conversation ended talking about Allison's family and her powers.  

〰️

A little later, everyone congregated in the living room.  The fire was still going in the fireplace as everyone sat in silence.  

Luther started talking about doing a memorial service for their late father.  Some like Allison were mostly confused by this, or making fun of it like Klaus.  

“Is that my skirt?” Allison asked, noticing Klaus wearing a skirt now.  

“Oh, yeah this.  I found it in your room.  It's a little dated, I know, but it's very breathy on the bits.”

Luther stopped Klaus before he could go further and started to talk about their father's death.  He had a theory that he didn't die simply of heart failure.  He recounted how he was acting suspicious and requested Klaus to try to communicate with him.  Klaus was not interested.  

“I can't just call Dad into the afterlife and be like, “Dad, could you just stop playing tennis with Hitler for a moment and take a quick call?” 

“Since when?  That's your thing.” Luther said.

“I'm not in the right… frame of mind.” 

“You're high?” Allison asked, not surprised.

“Yeah!  Yeah!” Klaus laughed.  “I mean, how are you not listening to this nonsense?” 

“Well, sober up, this is important.” Luther said.

Klaus only sighed.  

When Luther started talking about the missing monocle, Diego concluded that Luther was suspicious of all of them, saying that Luther thought one of them killed their dad.  This caused everyone to get upset.  Diego insulted Luther's leadership, Klaus got up and jokingly said that he might as well go murder their Mom and (Your Name), unless he was already dead.  Vanya left in silence and. Allison left in silence as well.  Luther tried to defend himself, but it was too late.  

They weren't always like this.  When they were kids, they were tight knit.  

〰️

17 YEARS AGO

“This is Jim Hellerman, reporting live for Channel 2 News outside of the Capital West Bank at Main and Sixth.  A group of heavily armed men stormed the bank not three hours ago and took an unknown number of hostages.” 

The armed men surveyed the bank as they pointed their guns at the bound up hostages and pushed them behind the counter as they proceeded with the robbery.  

Unexpectedly, a girl with curly black hair, in a school uniform and mask, walked casually to one of the robbers.  

It was Allison. 

“Hey, get back with the others.” The robber ordered the girl.  

“I heard a rumor.” Allison spoke. 

“What?  What did you say?” 

Allison leaned forward and used her ability, “I heard a rumor that you shot your friend in the foot.” 

The robber pointed his gun at one of his partners and promptly shot him in the foot, knocking him down.  The hostages screamed at the sound of the gun.  

Suddenly, someone dressed in a boy's school uniform with a mask came crashing down from a window above and landed behind the counter.  It was Luther.  He punched one robber and threw him out the window with surprising strength.  

Then, another kid dressed like Luther came from the other side of the bank.  “Guns are for sissies.  Real men throw knives.” He threw two long knives at one of the robbers only for them to redirect to another robber and immediately killed him. 

There were now only two robbers left in the lobby.  

One of them climbed onto the desk and pointed his gun shakily at the three kids.  “Get back, you freaks.” 

“Hey, be careful up there, buddy.” Diego, the knife throwing kid taunted.

“Get back now!” 

“Wouldn't want you to get hurt.” Allison taunted as well.

“Or what?” 

A fourth kid appeared seemingly out of nowhere, sitting criss cross on the desk.  A taunting smirk on his face.  This was Number Five.  

The robber shot at Five, but he disappeared and reappeared on the other side.  When the robber turned around and tried to shoot him again, he suddenly realized that he was not holding a gun.

“Ooh!  That's one badass stapler!” Five taunted before smacking the guy's hand holding the stapler into his head.  This knocked the robber over.  

All they had to do now was get rid of the robbers in the vault.  

Or so they thought.  

There was one more.  

He loaded his gun and his gun cocked, catching the kids off guard.  

“Down you freaks!” He yelled.  

Suddenly, running from a hidden place behind a wall, was a fifth kid, dressed like the rest of the boys, as he pulled down his face mask.  He directed his attention to the robber.  

“Explode!” 

The single word echoed loudly through the bank, and just before the guy could turn his gun to the boy, his body suddenly exploded, body parts, guts, and blood spreading out everywhere.  The hostages screamed in fear.  The boy quickly covered his face again, breathing heavily as he ran to his siblings.  

He gestured to all of them.  They couldn't see much of his face, but they could tell he was worried by the look in his eyes.  

“We're okay.  Thanks (Your Name).” Allison said.

(Your Name) hummed, nodding as he walked over to behind the desk with the others, while two more kids dressed like the rest of the boys joined them.  Five looked at him.  “That was pretty badass.  Good work.” He complimented, giving him a smile.  (Your Name) felt his cheeks warm up a little, and he tilted his head a bit and closed his eyes.  Most people wouldn't be able to tell his expression behind the mask, but Five knew he was smiling at him in thanks.  

“Do we really have to do this?” A meek voice asked. 

“Come on, Ben.  There's more guys in the vault.” Luther told the boy.

Ben sighed as he walked to the vault door.  “I didn't sign up for this.” 

He entered as the hostages all ran for their lives out of the bank.  Inside the vault, the last of the robbers were eyeing slaughtered by Ben's ability.  He screeched and roared as his tentacles ripped them apart and threw them against the walls.  Blood splattered all over the windows.  

Once it was quiet, Ben came out, covered in blood.  “Can we go home now?” He asked, his breathing shaky.  

It was time to leave.  

The seven kids started walking towards the entrance of the bank. (Your Name) pulled out a small vial and turned the cap.  He pulled the bottom part of his mask up and put the bottle to his lips.  He tilted his head back and started swallowing the liquid.  He finished it and placed the empty bottle back in his pocket.  

“Are you feeling okay?” 

Five's voice made (Your Name) turn to him.  He nodded and hummed in thanks.  Five offered his arm to him.  “Ready?” He asked.  The boy nodded again, and he hooked his arm with Five's.  Five smiled at him, and they started walking after their siblings.  

The seven kids emerged from the back as the news reporters pointed their cameras at the group, and they all clamored to try to talk to them.  

Above on the top of a building nearby, stood Reginald Hargreeves, observing the other kids with a mini telescope. An eighth kid, dressed like Allison, stood next to him.

“Why can't I go play with the others?” The girl asked.  

“We've been through this before, Number Seven.  I'm afraid there's just nothing special about you.” Reginald said as he lowered his telescope.  

The girl looked down.  “Oh.”

Eventually, Reginald came down to stand with the children.  

“Our world is changing.  Has changed.  There are some among us gifted with abilities far beyond the ordinary.  I have adopted seven such children.” 

‘You mean eight.’ (Your Name) thought to himself as he looked down temporarily, his arm still linked with Five's.  

“I give you the inaugural class of the Umbrella Academy.” 

Many news reporters asked many questions.

“What happened to their parents?” One asked.

“They were suitably compensated.” Reginald replied.  

“Are you concerned about the welfare of the children?” Another asked.  

“Of course.  As I am for the fate of the world.” Reginald said.  

〰️

☂

Everyone was in separate rooms, having their alone time after the little dispute from earlier.  Klaus was still in the living room, trying to talk to their late father, but he ended up knocking the vase filled with his ashes over.  

Luther was walking through the hallways, reminiscing until he got to his room.  

Allison was looking through her belongings until she found a gold heart locket with ‘A+L’ carved onto the front.  

Klaus took the vase into the kitchen where he proceeded to take more pills.  

Diego laid on the couch in the living room, playing with one of his knives.

Vanya sat on the stairs, a solemn look on her face.

Luther eventually found a familiar record and played it on the record player.  

“I Think We're Alone Now” by Tiffany started to play.  

Everyone heard the familiar tune all throughout the house and they all started to dance in their respective rooms.  

Childhood nostalgia ran through their bodies as they all danced like no one was watching.  Even Pogo moved a little to the beat.  

But suddenly, thunder rumbled and lightning flashed.  

The music stopped as the house reacted to the violent disturbance.  

The siblings all ran to the courtyard and saw a giant hole, surrounded by blue lightning.  

“What is it?” Vanya asked.

“Don't get too close!” Allison warned.  

“Yeah, no shit.” Diego said.

“Looks like some sort of temporal anomaly.  Either that or a miniature black hole.  One of the two. 

“Pretty big difference there, Paul Bunyan.” Diego insulted.

“Out of the way!” Klaus exclaimed as he came out with a fire extinguisher and tried to spray it but it was out of steam.  So, he just threw it at the mysterious anomaly only for it to get sucked in.  

“What is that gonna do?” Allison asked.

“I don't know.  Do you have a better idea?” Klaus asked.  

The anomaly got stronger and Luther ushered everyone behind him to protect them.  Klaus wanted to run.  Luther and Allison held hands.  

The electrical crackling intensified and someone emerged from the anomaly, arms out.  It disappeared and the person fell out of the sky and landed on the ground.  The sky cleared up as the siblings walked towards the person, who stood up.  He was dressed in a suit way too big for him. 

“Does anyone else see little Number Five, or is that just me?” Klaus asked. 

The boy known as Five looked at himself then back at the siblings.  

“Shit.” 

☂

The six were now in the kitchen.  Five was busy making a sandwich while the others watched in shock.  

“What's the date?  The exact date.” Five asked.  

“The 24th.” Vanya replied. 

“Of what?”

“March.” 

“Good.” 

Luther spoke up.  “So, are we gonna talk about what just happened?” 

Five didn't reply.  He just continued with making his sandwich.  

Silence fell for a couple seconds until Luther stood up.  “It's been seventeen years.” 

Five scoffed.  “It's been a lot longer than that.” He blinked over to the cabinet. 

“I haven't missed that.” Luther muttered.  

“Where'd you go?” Diego asked.

“The future.  It's shit, by the way.” Five replied as he blinked back to the table.  

“Called it.” Klaus said.  

“I should've listened to the old man.  You know, jumping through space is one thing, jumping through time is a toss of the dice.” Five looked up at the siblings.  “Nice dress.” He told Klaus. 

“Oh, well, danke!” Klaus said, playing with the article of clothing.  

“Wait, how did you get back?” Vanya asked.

“In the end I had to project my consciousness forward into a suspended quantum state version of myself that exists across every possible instance of time.” Five explained.  

“That makes no sense.” Diego spoke up.

“Well, it would if you were smarter.” Five sasses.

Diego stood up to confront the boy, but Luther stopped him, holding him back.

“How long were you there?” He asked.

“Forty-one years.  Give or take.” 

Luther and Diego sat back down.  “So what are you saying?  That you're fifty-eight?” The former asked.

Five looked at Luther.  “No, my consciousness is fifty-eight.” He finished his sandwich.  “Apparently, my body is now seventeen again.” 

“Wait, how does that even work?” Vanya asked.

“Delores kept saying the equations were off.  Eh.” Five took a bite out of his sandwich.  “Bet she's laughing now.” 

Vanya was confused.  “Delores?” 

Five ignored her and looked at the newspaper that told him about Reginald Hargreeves’ death.  “Guess I missed the funeral.”

“How'd you know about that?” Luther asked.

“What part of the future do you not understand?” Five asked.  “Heart failure, huh?” 

“Yeah.” “No.” Diego and Luther said together.

Five hummed before clicking his tongue.  “Nice to see nothing's changed.”  Then, he got a good look at his siblings again.  He realized that one was missing.  “By the way, where's (Your Name)?”

The other five siblings looked at each other, solemn expressions on their faces now.  “Well…” Vanya started.  “There isn't an easy way to say this.” Allison said.  “He's in a coma.” “He's dead.” Klaus and Diego finished.  “Diego!” Allison scolded. 

Five looked at his siblings, a subtle look of worry on his face, but on the inside, his heart was beating faster.  “What happened?” 

“Well…. like I said… this isn't easy to say.” As Allison tried to explain, they suddenly heard soft footsteps approaching the kitchen.  They slowly turned their heads and what they saw shook them to the core. 

There stood…

(Your Name).

Klaus yelled in surprise.  

“Holy shit.” Diego said. 

Everyone else looked in surprise.  

(Your Name) was alive.

[tendo-64]

Doodle for the occasion because I was wrecked by the end of claus's journey so now so do y'all!

Anyway, review time, as well as screens and whatnot if you want to see the major differences without playing through 26 hours yourself lol (massive wall of text incoming). Or you can just enjoy (or not enjoy because it's sad) the angsty doodle. (I'll be drawing more and will post the doodles and this one on their own too)

(Warning for the record that I will be discussing the darkest elements of this game, which means I will be discussing suicide--more so because this romhack addresses it slightly more than the base game did as it subtly acknowledges Claus was the one who died in the original near the end.)

Claus's Journey was really fun. For anyone who hasn't seen my older posts, it's a romhack in which Claus is the protagonist and Lucas is the Masked Man (AKA the Mother 3 Swap AU, but playable). It changes dialogue in addition to sprites to accommodate for the differences in personality. Claus also has narration and isn't a silent protag so you get to see his thoughts on things.

To summarize the main differences: Claus in this version was going to still fight the Drago, until Lucas asks to come with and gets called a crybaby, which angers him and he decides to go kill it himself (knocking out Claus to keep him from following), as he's tired of everyone treating him like he's weak and helpless. Obviously, he never comes home.

MOTHER 3 is an interesting game because it sets Claus up as the typical RPG protagonist, and then kills him off in the first chapter and has his less-typical brother fill his shoes as the hero instead. In a regular game, Claus would've come home from the Drago somehow having survived and everyone would've praised him for being "stronger than we thought" or whatever, but instead he gets kidnapped and brainwashed into becoming a(n anti-) villain. He's the game's antithesis--where Lucas is patience, forgiveness, optimism, and fights only to protect his family, Claus is impulsivity, holds grudges, is unable to move past his trauma, and fought for vengeance to give himself peace of mind from his pain. The Masked Man then goes onto be the ironic representation of the dark path he was headed down: anger and violence for the sake of it, long since having forgotten his original motivations (of course, he was brainwashed against his will, but it's still worth mentioning that parallels can be drawn to those who repress their memories and lash out as a result of trauma, albeit very exaggerated)

So, if you flip that on its head, the whole thing changes. Now Claus is, pretty much a typical RPG protag. His arc is about "recklessness" instead of being a crybaby, where he has to learn to be more thoughtful and tactful.

And Lucas becomes an elaboration of a theme MOTHER 3 implies but never really went in depth with for Claus: the dangers of not taking trauma seriously or expecting someone to just "move past it." He keeps getting called a crybaby, and he snaps. But at the same time, him becoming the Masked Man feels even more disturbing to me because, instead of it feeling like a Claus who's been corrupted, had his negative traits amplified and his positive ones removed, it's not recognizable as something Lucas is at all. It's a massive stark contrast (was for Claus too, but I think Lucas even more so)

I definitely prefer the original dynamic in the original game, as it's more unique and is a big part of the game's identity, but this dynamic is interesting too, if mostly for Lucas and Claus only in the context of it being "what if Claus had a slightly more normal childhood"

At the end, at the ending monologue, Claus has something more to say. The player expresses concern for him and Claus gives his thoughts on Lucas's death: he says that he understands why Lucas did what he did, but then seems to acknowledge his own canonical fate as he's quick to reassure us that he's looking forward to his future and doesn't want to leave his family behind--that he thinks things will be okay and he's happy to be here.

That honestly hit me harder than anything else--it's so sweet hearing Claus of all characters tell us he'll never leave this world behind and he has hope in his future. But it also hurts when you realize that this ending is a blessing and a curse. Claus is happy and will continue living his life, but it came at the expense of Lucas's happy ending. If Claus knew this was a scenario where his brother suffered his own fate instead, he'd have never wanted it that way. Moreover, it's heartbreaking to see Lucas--the character who's known for being someone who can push through hardship no matter what, who can lose everything and still have the strength to go on, who can say he loves life and heals from everything he's been put through... die. It feels so wrong and disturbing--much more so than Claus's death in the original because Lucas had a happy ending, and this hack takes from him.

Claus's Journey is something one might play because they wanted to see an ending where Claus heals from his trauma and lives. But then you realize it's not really a better ending when Lucas had to take his place. It is nice seeing Claus talk about his faith in his future, but in many ways it feels worse that Lucas won't.

I think I'll go with Claus Lives AU instead if I want to see Claus live gdjgjd

But in all seriousness, I enjoyed the romhack. I recommend it, even if some of the new dialogue doesn't mesh with the original writing style perfectly, and some lines feel slightly forced, it can be overlooked.

Anyway, review out of the way, here's some screenshots.

(I regretfully didn't screenshot anything from ch1 because I wasn't posting about my playthrough back then, so I'm going to use screens from a YouTube playthrough by GreenieBoi just for chapter 1)

And here's Claus telling Flint about Lucas:

After this, changes are minor until timeskip.

I didn't screenshot most of Claus's narration, but here's some other noteworthy screens:

I made a post for Tanetane Island already, so I won't share those here

Bro called the duck toilet dumb >:(

Porky says this after Claus tells him the Masked Man is Lucas:

If Claus tries to fight Lucas:

I recorded Lucas's death and last words since there's too much to screen.

Claus monologue that hit hard

And I think that's it! This took a while to write, and probably took a while to read, but thanks for reading!

[eruverse]

Mongolia according to sidereal vedic astrology chart

For Mongolia’s birthday, I’m using his independence day from Qing Empire aka December 29 1911. Technically, yes, of course Mongolia is way older than that — but there’s no way we can accurately determine when exactly he was born and December 29 is already there celebrated throughout the country. For his ‘birth hour’, I am choosing 12.00 noon as I assumed it was around the time Bogd Khanate was established.

This is where I entered the data: astro-seek website

(Note: if you think to yourself like “why does this sound weird and unlike what I’ve known before” that’s because this is a sidereal astrology. Sidereal uses a different calculation system compared to tropical, or the one we all commonly know. So don’t be surprised if say, you might be a Virgo in tropical but in sidereal you become a Leo. I am also going to be explain my findings with Vedic terms and system, so if, again, you find differences — that’s because I’m using Vedic, not tropical (Western) system)

I am by no means an expert, as I’m just doing this for fun. So if you wanna read the chart and look things up yourself, you can enter the data and do it on your own! You might come up with a different birth hour/date as well (there’s another whole topic called birth chart rectification but it’s not the scope of this post nor it is by any means an expertise of mine. It’s an actual astrologer doing lol)

Here is his big three: sun, moon, ascendant:

1) 1st house (lagna/ascendant): self (ego, sense of self, appearance, identity, temperament)

Ascendant and moon in Pisces, Revati Nakshatra: Revati is the last of 27 Nakshatras (lunar mansion), which means that with this sign things come to completion before they begin anew. Revati means ‘shining one’ and people with this nakshatra act as a guiding light to others, ever helpful and nurturing like the sign’s ruling deity Pushan, who is a protector for herds and flocks, protecting and sending them to safety in their owners. Revatis are sweet, sincere and caring. They are also deeply optimistic and unmoved by pressures, will see to completion any goal they have in mind, which can be as high as the sky. They’re also highly intuitive and dreamy. However, Revatis can be pretty detached and they also have an independent streak; they cannot be easily controlled. While sweet, Revatis can also be cunning even if they don’t much look so.

Moon in the first house also means Mongolia wears his emotions on his sleeves. Basically, emotions are tied to his sense of self. This placement makes him observant and attentive to his surroundings, since he’s so good at working through emotions he’s able to care for others emotionally too. Moon in this place also makes him highly instinctive. He doesn’t mistake what his gut tells him. Since his moon and the ascendant are the same, this pretty much means that his emotions/mental state and the way he sees things in the world are the same, that of Pisces (Revati).

Chart ruler (owner of ascendant sign) is Jupiter, in 9th house of Scorpio. This means that the theme that goes on throughout his life, his guiding compass, is through Jupiter in that house (explanation later). Both houses will influence each other.

2) 2nd house: possessions (material and immaterial), personal values and ethics, self esteem, family as possession

Saturn in Aries (Bharani): Saturn is said to be debilitated in Aries, meaning that Saturn cannot do what it’s good at doing in Aries. Saturn is a planet of discipline and caution but Aries is aggressive and impulsive; the power of these two clash. That is how Mongolia approach possessions including money or finance. Since Saturn here is retrograde, the Saturnian energy is directed to be introspective rather than externalized. This means that Mongolia often sits with his own vulnerabilities regarding his possessions and works through the inner workings in his mind. Saturn in retrograde may cause more of an emotional turmoil than direct. Being a planet of inhibition and limitation, Saturn here will also make possessions often lacking or that Mongolia will feel it lacking.

Rahu/north lunar node in Aries (Aswini): Rahu is a ‘planet’ of obsession or desire. Rahu in second house means Mongolia has a desire to accumulate wealth, because it’s an area he’s lacking at in this lifetime. This is also the case with self esteem and family. In Aries, Rahu multiplies the ambition and drive.

Lord of the second house of Aries is Mars in third house. It means that the way to accumulate wealth can be done through third house, with both houses influencing each other.

3) 3rd house: early learning, mental intelligence, communication, short distance travels, siblings, neighbors/neighborhood

Mars in Taurus (Krittika): also lord of Mongolia’s second house. Mars’ fiery nature is calmed by Taurus’ earthly characteristics: this makes Mongolia patient, stubborn, and practical in regard to fighting for his desires, which not only influence the third house but also apparently the second house which it rules.

Mars is also his darakaraka/spouse planet, also an area in which he is lacking and thus is what he seeks. Mongolia does indeed want to stand up to his neighbors, to be more assertive when communicating especially to neighbors. Might also indicate dependence, if it’s what he seeks.

Lord of third house is in Venus in eighth house of Libra. This means that he also fulfills his third house needs through his eighth house, and that the goings in the third house can influence the workings of eighth house. This position doesn’t really give a good result, since eighth house is sixth from third and third is eighth from eight. In Vedic astrology, 6 and 8 are malefic number and this may cause enmity in regards to third house matters, such as with siblings and neighbors, which is true for Mongolia. However, since Venus sits in its own sign in Libra, Mongolia will gain some relevant strength even during the whole enmity.

4) 4th house: house/home, roots, (mother)land, mother, vehicles, real estate, domestic happiness

Pluto in Gemini (Mrigashira): there is a need to undergo deep transformation through situations at home. At the same time, it makes Mongolia too secretive, guarded and possessive. He is preoccupied with making his home/motherland secure, and there is control issues as well. This transformation is done through deep curiosity for information and intellectual pursuits. Sadly, this doesn’t make a good focus as it’s too scatterbrained; Mongolia wants to fix many things at once which often results in fixing nothing.

Lord of the house is Mercury in tenth house of Sagittarius.

5) 5th house: creativity, romance, children, joy, pleasure, self expression

Mongolia has Cancer at the cusp of this house which means he approaches the themes of fifth house in a nurturing, sensitive, and comfortable manner. Mongolia often appears unflappable outside, but inside he is a mush. He’s not easy to open up either, but can show dependency once he gets really close! Cancer being in fifth house means he hates drama when it comes to romance or children, because he wishes for emotional security with these people. His own feelings can be overwhelming even without drama, anyway.

Neptune in Cancer (Punarvasu) means Mongolia can be dreamy in romance to the point of getting his head in the clouds. This is a planet that makes you escape the mundane. This also means the emotions: they can be brought to greater heights with this planet’s influence. Neptune also makes Mongolia highly understanding of his romantic partners/children.

Mongolia has the lord of fifth house sitting in his first house (moon). This means that he brings and gives himself in romance/creativity/children, and that romance, creativity and children would be important for his sense of self. Considering that his ascendant and moon are the nurturing type, and his fifth house also is, the tendency will be heightened up the sky.

Cancer in fifth house is also Mongolia’s arudha lagna (pada of lagna, of first house) or the image he brings into the world, that of parental and nurturing energy.

Aspects: Neptune sextile Mars. A sextile is a cooperative energy between two planets, and Neptune in fifth house would give Mars in third house ideals as well as ideas for Mongolia to fight for in his communication attempt. Mars itself would be giving Mongolia tenacity and drive to fight for his ideals.

6) 6th house: health, wellness, daily routine, diseases, debts, enemies, obstacles

Leo at the cusp of sixth house: when it comes to dealing with day-to-day matters, or facing obstacles, Mongolia is full of vigor, confidence and charisma, and there’s a need to take the lead. Leo being in sixth house could also mean he has a good health.

Sixth house is empty, with lord sun in tenth house in Sagittarius.

7) 7th house: spouse, partnership, business partners, sex as physical intimacy (one-on-one relationship)

Virgo at the cusp of seventh house means Mongolia is earthly, pragmatic, attentive to detail, with a focus to be in servitude to a partner, which could be either sexual or platonic.

Seventh house is empty, with its lord Mercury in the tenth house. With that in mind, Mongolia will meet his partners through matters pertaining 10th house. With Mercury as the lord, he will attract intellectuals and people he can share ideas with, with the relationship built off of communication as a base.

8) 8th house: death, sex as intimacy, shared money, inheritance, transformation, rebirth, the mystic and esoteric

Venus in Libra (Vishakha): Venus is right at home in Libra! The very social, fair, dynamic and harmonious sign is ruled by planet of love, relationship, and seduction. Venus is also Mongolia’s atmakaraka/soul planet, with this being a planet at the highest degree in one’s chart denoting the most potent power one could have. Venus in Libra in eighth house means Mongolia puts a high emphasis in connection with others, being strategic and objective with it, and as the most social sign Mongolia could handle intimacy with many people at once. Libra at the cusp of eighth house will also make him very sexual. The downside is that he could be a bit too accommodating to others and putting himself to the side, though Libra in principle will always strive for fairness or equal give and take. Libra in eighth house would also mean that Mongolia’s partners help him accumulating fortune.

As mentioned before, Venus is the lord of Mongolia’s third house, which rules communication and neighborly relations. Since Venus is really strong in eighth house, Mongolia will gain strength through it when dealing with his neighbors, even though he faces difficulties there as explained above.

Ketu/south lunar node in Libra: since Rahu is in 2nd house and Rahu represents obsession while Ketu represents detachment and liberation, Ketu in eighth house makes Mongolia lives almost thoroughly in the present in order to obsess over worldly possessions and be unconcerned about what lies in the dark or beyond. The mystic or esoteric doesn’t move him. But since Ketu represents what one had in abundance in the past life, Mongolia can ‘tap’ into the unconscious to retrieve the blessings. It will still tend to be done badly however, but since Mongolia has a benefic Venus sitting in the same house with Ketu, the bad aspects caused by Ketu is likely to be nullified by Mongolia’s strong Venus.

Aspects: Neptune trine Venus means both planets give power to and help one another. Neptune in fifth house gives Mongolia’s Venus the power to be even more dreamy and understanding. This would make him a very romantic and attentive partner. Mongolia also has Venus opposite Mars, which is a very intense connection when aggressive Mars and the seductive Venus pull as strongly at each other, which makes Mongolia deeply intense in relationships and would love partners who could give back as good as he gave them. Since his Mars sits in Taurus, he’ll perhaps be quieter, but the stubbornness and intensity would be twofold.

9) 9th house: visions, wisdom, philosophy, faith, higher learning, travel to foreign lands

Jupiter in Scorpio (Anuradha): here sits the lord of Mongolia’s lagna and the whole chart, Jupiter. Jupiter is a planet of guru, fortune, expansion, knowledge, growth, and optimism. Scorpio is the sign of sexuality, depth, and magnetic intensity — therefore in Jupiter in Scorpio will increase these Scorpian tendencies to greater height. Scorpio is inward looking while Jupiter is outward however, so likely there will be some clash in how the energies operate, but nonetheless it will be magnificent! The ninth house is traditionally ruled by Sagittarius and its ruler Jupiter, therefore Jupiter works really well here — and it being Mongolia’s chart ruler would mean the ongoing theme of Mongolia’s whole life is full of gaining wisdom and to impart his findings to others.

The ruler of the house is Mars, in third house. This means that the way Mongolia deals with communication and neighbors would give him wisdom and insights. The insights brought by Jupiter in this house will also help Mars deal with third house.

Aspects: Moon trine Jupiter makes Mongolia warm hearted, generous, confident, broad minded, popular and friendly. Since moon sits in the lagna and Jupiter is Mongolia’s chart ruler, both of these are intimately tied to Mongolia’s sense of self and his whole person, and both Lunar and Jupiterian influences are how Mongolia affects the world.

10) 10th house: career, reputation, power, contribution to society, father, vocation

Sun in Sagittarius, Purva Ashadha Nakshatra: Purva Ashadha means invincible or unconquered. This is a Nakshatra of warriors, wars and physical power, and the native might find a job in the military or politics, especially considering that Mongolia has this sun in tenth house which rules profession! The symbol of Purva Ashadha is a hand fan, which can mean to cool oneself as well as to fan a fire to keep it flaming. With Sun in Purva Ashadha, Mongolia is deeply driven, passionate, and ambitious. He will also be truthful, righteous, and believe in justice. Since this is a Nakshatra of war, Mongolia can also be paranoid at times thinking it’s him against the world.

Sun is also the lord of Mongolia’s sixth house. This is a placement that can bring some difficulties, considering sixth house is a house of illness and obstacles and tenth is a house of profession. Mongolia could very well face several obstacles in work. If the sun is strong however, it can likely bring in ‘health’ as sixth house also concerns health and ways to get it.

Mercury in Sagittarius (Mula): Mercury has a natural clash in this sign, as Mercury is analytical and detailed while Sagittarius is more concerned with the big ideas of everything. Also, Mercury here is retrograde which means that as a planet that also rules communication, it will get disrupted and there will be misunderstandings and confusions. Considering Mercury is also the ruling planet of Mongolia’s fourth and seventh house, there will be disruptions and difficulties in fixing problems at home and also in communicating with sexual partners as well as business partners.

The ruler of tenth house is Jupiter in ninth house of Scorpio. This means that the workings of his ninth house will influence the workings of his tenth house. However, since 9th house sits 12th from his 10th, which is the most malefic number in Vedic astrology, this likely means he will face significant hardships in his work. However, Jupiter is also Mongolia’s lagnesh/chart ruler, and it sitting in an auspicious place of ninth house will provide blessings and protection as well.

Aspects:

Sun conjunct Mercury: conjunct is an aspect where two planets sit very near and thus will intensely feed each other energy. Sun is synonymous with ego or consciousness while Mercury is intellect or mind, so with them sitting nearby together Mongolian will have the brains to achieve his ambitions — except his Mercury is retrograde, so it probably won’t be very effective at times.

Sun square Moon: square is an aspect where two planets are in conflicts, quite like opposition. With Sun square Moon, Mongolia would be having a war between his ego and emotions. However, this will also provide a chance for him to work through the challenges.

Sun trine Saturn: Sun’s determination and vitality would help Saturn do its discipline work. Usually Saturn can make people prone to extreme anxiety, but Mongolia could find a way to rise from worry and do the necessary work (even though it could still lead to a lot of frustration!)

Sun opposite Pluto: Pluto is transformation and Sun is ego, so when they oppose each other it will result in Mongolia often having too big ego to accept having to change his way. At the same time, he will feel the need to change, but he will feel dissatisfied and may face destructive tendencies.

Mercury opposite Pluto: there is a tension between working on something in depth (Pluto) and articulating it intellectually (Mercury). Especially with Mercury ruling the house where Pluto sits at, Mongolia could be obsessing over every nook and cranny to detriment, and Mercury being retrograde would mean he’s not good at it.

Mongolia also has Sun conjuncts Midheaven, also in Purva Ashadha. Midheaven is the peak of a birth chart and denotes one’s legacy in life. Having Sun conjuncting Midheaven means Mongolia’s ego is tied tightly to his work and legacy, and this makes him especially charismatic and attracting others to his work, the attention of which he will really love.

11) 11th house: gains (income, fortune, connections), friendships, social circles, society

Uranus in Capricorn (Uttara Ashadha): Capricorn is the most stable and conventional sign in the zodiac while Uranus speaks of freedom and liberation. Having Uranus in Capricorn means Mongolia always seeks to liberate himself from the traditional setting of friendship, aka Russia and China. The same can be said about gains; Mongolia always looks for new ways to get things.

The lord of eleventh house, Saturn, sits in the second house which indicates link between the two houses. This can mean that Mongolia’s social circle will become his family or asset. This could also mean that his fortune comes from family.

Aspects: in Uranus opposite Neptune, Uranus, being a planet of rebellion, change and defiance would be opposing Neptune, a planet of dreams and imagination. The end result would be disharmony in his social circle of friends, or that’s what Mongolia would feel! While with Mars trine Uranus, Uranus would be helping Mongolia standing up against his neighbors with a touch of rebellion, while Mars’ tenacity would be helping Mongolia rebelling against his traditional social circle.

12) 12th house: loss, isolation, decline, secrets, mystery, expenses, detachment, liberation of the self, spirituality, foreign lands

Closing the chart with the twelfth house, Aquarius at the cusp of this house speaks of innovative and progressive nature to deal with one’s sense of detachment. At the same time, the often misunderstood nature of Aquarius will exaggerate Mongolia’s sense of isolation, giving him a deeper mysterious bent.

Since the lord of twelfth house, Saturn (as well as Rahu, since Aquarius is co-ruled by Rahu) sits in the second house, this will make Mongolia’s family be the reason of expenditure often beyond the means and speed to accumulate them. Family and possessions will be how Mongolia experiences the deep turmoil in loss.