#aka for the past two weeks haha

[truecorvid]

ohhhhh my godddddd

[mygnolia]

LOVE ON A FRESH SLATE ༄ TEASER

༄ SYNOPSIS -› Sim Jaeyun might not have many critically acclaimed films in his IMBD, but if there’s something to change that, it’s his upcoming film, ‘diving in love,’ a fresh summer romance that’s caught the attention of everyone on the internet. The only problem is, no one believes the chemistry will be up to rom-com standards. Maybe he’ll save his career by fake dating his cold-hearted co-star, aka you, to sell it?

༄ PAIR -› actor!sim jaeyun x fem actress!reader

༄ GENRE -› fluff, banter, angst, comfort ༄ TROPES -› enemies to lovers, heavy on the fake dating (i LOVE fake dating) ༄ WC -› estimated 15-20k idk lolz

༄ INCLUDES -› will be added!

༄ RELEASE DATE -› november!

༄ REN SAYS... me when summer also haha get it slate cuz they're actors but also it's e2l so misunderstandings heheheh am i funny (im not) | LIBRARY

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“You’re going to tell me you signed me up for the cult of Scientology, I assume,” You introduce yourself, shaking hands with the man next to Sunoo. 

Once again, there is just one empty seat before Jake Sim walks in, out of breath. “Jungwon, please don’t tell me–” He notices you after he barges in, taking in your poised manner as you wait for him to continue. But he doesn’t. The words die on his tongue when he sees you and the same manager from last week's meeting. 

“Please don’t tell me what?” Jungwon asks, raising an eyebrow as Jake sinks into the only chair left. The latter shakes his head, not wanting to elaborate any further. 

Sunoo sits up, putting his hands together after he finishes the last sip of his drink. “Open up the files, ____.” He motions to the manila folder on the table, and with much confusion, you peel back the cover to find a neat stack of black and white articles. 

Jungwon, who you can only assume is Jake’s manager, gets Jake to lean in and read what’s on the pages. “This,” he starts, spreading out the rest of the articles, “is every article in the past week with a negative outlook on whether or not the film will be up to par with the standards of the 2000’s.”

You scoff, eyes trailing over an article with your face as the cover. “Really? People hate me that much?” Your dry humor really only resonates with Sunoo, who sends you a look before trying to organize the flurry of papers.

“I doubt they’ll keep going,” Jake tries, fidgeting with his ring. Maybe his second rich person problem was figuring out how to get the media to like him again if the movie turns into a failure and he has to scour for another source of income. 

“Unless I solve world hunger, I doubt the media will turn away from the wine scandal any time soon.” Jake considers dropping out and cutting his losses early with the way you comment on your impending future. 

Jake’s manager shakes his head, closing the manila folder and essentially blocking it out before coming up with the worst possible plan in existence. 

“You two can fake date. Then, no one will question your chemistry, because they’ll think you’re in love.” 

There were only so many things you refused to do in your lifetime, but fake dating your co-star made it to the top of your list in record time. 

You shook your head. “Absolutely not.” At least Jake could agree with one thing you said. 

The silence almost turns awkward before Sunoo speaks up in agreement, ignoring you. “I like it, it’ll give them a chance to pretend to bond more. Plus, they’re both young and attractive, and Jake is a change of pace from all of her shitty ex-boyfriends.” If Jake still wanted to jump off a building after hearing their proposition, you’d unknowingly want to join him. 

You cough in your arm, hiding the embarrassment of his last comment before nodding to look at the actor. “You think just because I’m dating someone, it’ll make the movie more watchable?” 

Sunoo rolls his eyes. “I’d much rather watch a rom-com if it was confirmed that the actors found love on set. It’s a good story.” 

Jungwon interjects. “Good publicity.” 

The actor beside you finally speaks up. “And you want to start this arrangement…when?” 

“As soon as possible,” your manager answers, and his response might be some of the worst news you’ve heard in a while. “Hear me out, ‘____ ____ and Jake Sim falling in love the moment they’re casted. It’s fate. They’ve been in love since the beginning. I have to see it, their chemistry will be so good.’ ”

Before you nor Jake are able to come up with a rebuttal, Jungwon adds, “I know both of you can act, and even despite this fake relationship, the movie will be good. But if you can get away from the negative thoughts surrounding the film’s pre-release, it’ll generate so much more hype around it.” 

“Better for your conscience, ____. You don’t need angry Sunghoon fans sending you anymore death threats.” If Sunoo kept airing out your problems like that, you’d drag him out by the ear without any fake boyfriend in tow.

You really think about it, questioning if one PR stunt could get you out of the nepo baby ditch you’ve been trying to fight for years; it wasn’t even that you were bad at your job, your mother just never had anything nice to say to anyone. If anything, she was Hollywood’s actual mean girl.

“Fine.” You agree begrudgingly. 

Jake on the other hand has no idea what he’s getting out of this. How does fake-dating a girl he’s never liked help his reputation at all?

Maybe it’s because he couldn’t find an answer to it, or maybe Jake was comfortable enough asking something so brash in public. “What the hell do I get out of it?” 

You lean back in surprise, not used to hearing him so flustered by something. It was all your fault, Jake thinks as he once again pulls at his hair. 

The room is silent as everyone’s gears turn. Jake puts his hands on both sides of the armchair, about to get up and pretend this failure of a ruse ever existed. “If there’s nothing, I’m-”

“Wait,” you cut him off, eyes still fixed on something as you think. It’s good for you, and mainly you. Jake has a good reputation, people love natural chemistry and love a cute couple even more, and your name would be in summer-y titles for the next two months if your scheme worked out. But him? 

What could Jake Sim possibly want? 

“You want money? Connections? An interview with Justin Beiber?” You try, spewing what every boy would want when they were 13. 

Somehow, his head perks up when he hears his favorite celebrity’s name from your lips. 

“You could do that?” He asks, bewildered. 

“I thought you hated me for having a famous mom.” He stays silent. 

“Look, you’re up and coming. If this movie does well, I’ll send a letter to the top producers in the industry and tell them about how stunning of a performance you gave.” 

It’s a deal that’s extremely hard to pass on–hell, he’s literally getting paid to act in the movie anyways, so it’s not like he loses much if he says yes. But you’re snarky, and although you’re not outright rude, you never seem to be excited for anything, and Jake has no idea why the mood is so sour when he’s with you.

Whatever, it’s not like it’s real, anyways.  

Jake shrugs and pinches his nose bridge momentarily before sighing. “Where do I sign?” 

You thought that Jake had been oblivious to the whole thing as much as you were, but it seems like he knew about a hidden contract. Jungwon fishes out a crisp white sheet of paper from his bag. “You know me so well, and I didn’t even tell you anything,” and his response has you thinking that maybe the actor just knows his manager well. 

Suddenly, the next year of your love life is signed and tucked away into two identical copies for Jungwon and Sunoo, before the two shake hands and smile. “I’m excited for how things will go,” your manager comments before you two leave. 

The moment the door shuts behind you, you let out a long exhale, suddenly finding interest in your manicure. 

“You’re annoying, Sunoo. But I don’t doubt you.” 

The boy smiles and links arms with you, walking to the entrance of the studio building before you both catch wind of the paparazzi. 

A swarm of reporters and cameras catch your casual outfit and sunglasses when you emerge with your manager behind you. Questions bombard you, and you hear amongst the commotion a few reporters who are desperate for their next article to feature you. ��Is it true that you’ve hated Sunghoon for years?’ ‘What do you have to say about your new film?’ ‘Do you have anything to say about Jake Sim?’ 

You pause momentarily on the way to your car, reconsidering if you should answer any question. “Me and Sunghoon have never had a disagreement, and I know he appreciated the Prada we sent him a few weeks ago.” Smiling at the memory, you choose to answer a few more questions before you have to go. “As for the new film? I’m fairly excited. Me and my boyfriend are more than ready to be filmed together." 

The gasps from the crowd leave you content as you slip into your car with Sunoo. “But don’t tell anyone I’m dating!” You yell out for good measure, knowing that by morning, everything will have changed.

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[bones-of-a-rabbit]

fellows and fellas,,,, the coffeeshoproommates au

me: haha what if i combined the two most common fanfic au's into one single au just for th memes me, several hours later after a multi-person brainstorming session in the space ace discord: i dont think its for the memes anymore

AU Synopsis:

Y/N is a shut-in hermit who doesnt rlly like interacting with anyone whatsoever who's rent has gone up and who's past roommate has moved out, so they, against their better judgement, put out an ad for the free bedroom in their apartment. SURPRISE you get two takers: a pair of brothers, Sundrop and Moondrop, who are both college students studying to be elementary school teachers, are willing to follow your half-mile-long list of rules, and they're ready to move in as soon as you're ready to receive them! Bonus points for them both seeming relatively sane!!

PLOT TWIST Sun and Moon are both rlly curious abt u despite how much u r rlly trying to avoid them and no matter how many times u make it clear that u just rlly do not want to b friends. JOKES ON U SUN FINDS U AT UR DAY JOB AND NOW UR LIFE WILL NEVER KNOW PEACE

bonus:

the cafe u work at holds open-mic nights. Sun and Moon make a habit of participating, turns out theyre a couple of goofy ass theater kids with a knack for comedy. Bad news, they r DETERMINED to get u to join in their act. They call u out every time they get on the stage and the crowd loves it. U become a fan fave (u hate it) (u dont actually hate it thats just what u tell sun and moon) Sun comes to see u at ur job every day. He always tries to time his spot in line so that ur the one he gets to talk to (it takes u less than a week to memorize his order but u act like u dont know it bc u dont want him thinkin that ur friends or anything) Moon works at a 24hr gas station convinience store on th nightshift. u run into each other one night when ur buying a six pack of redbull. neither of u say anything but u can tell he's judging u. After that he starts making u lunches to take to work. if u "forget" (aka refuse) to take it with u he comes by and gives it to u himself like some kinda twiggy ass motherhen type mf. ur coworkers r definitely laughing at u behind ur back u can just feel it (theyre jealous and wish they had two cute dudes being all sweet n doting on them like u do)

[ninetqs]

so we all know about the "knocked up by accident" fics right. please consider a yuri version where fem charles gets knocked up during a rebound one night stand and fem max helps her through the fallout (aka the abortion.) no men required!

your brain is huge actually...

charles doesn't tell max of course. max finds her throwing up and is like um are you sick and charles is like no fuck off actually. max forgets about it but then two weeks later some cringe gossip account on ig spreads a tiktok video from some guy claiming he hooked up with charles with No Condom Omg. and max sees it and is like huh. becomes completely obsessed with observing charles because this is now a puzzle to her. eventually does confirm charles is pregnant and nobody else knows. cue max navigating doctor's appointments and online pregnancy tips for her. someone sees max's search history and thinks She's pregnant. max: lol. charles quietly admits one day she does nawt want this fucking baby, she wants a wdc and she does not care about this unborn child whose father she doesn't even know. thinking max will judge her for it—not hate or anything but quietly think she's a terrible person for prioritizing a 5% chance for a wdc over a human life—but max is three steps ahead and has already researched how to get abortions in monaco teehee. post-chabortion (charles abortion, confirmed) max is like cool that worked out. anyway bye. and they stop hanging out and charles gets major whiplash. reviews the past few months of her life and realises max's abortion crusade for her was kind of romantic? she starts pining from afar. max notices and is like haha you didn't get knocked up again did you (said jokingly but also in mild concern) charles ignores her and says verbatim, do you like girls. then they kiss. the end :)

[caramelstarlight]

So like this isn't specific but what about certain stoic genshin men with a reader whoa incredibly bubbly and happy all the time.

"Someone is going to die."

"Of fun!"

Yk?

sorry for not doing anything the past week and two (haha two.)

(FUTURE ME BY LIKE 2 MINS I FORGOT THE ✅/⭐️ Your prayer is accepted friendo) (other two in progresss.)

I was going to animate the “Hey Two!” Video bc I am a fan of bfdi. (Have been ever since I was little!)

But don’t worry everything will be out today and tomorrow! (Most likely.)

if you follow me on wattpad you would’ve saw the post I put 3 days ago most likely. There’s also 6 options for me to animate on there! Feel free to look at my acc and vote. (You can also vote for one by sending a message.)

Also holy so many frames 😭

I forgot Diluc existed sorry :d

cough cough Two worlds one heart next part tomorrow cough cough (aka part 4)

*cough cough ignore that it’s coming Friday bc I forgot about picture taking cough cough*

Stoic x Bubbly

(Alhaitham, Xiao, Wanderer, Cyno (in work mode) Tighnari (He’s stoic when he’s working like Cyno) I forgot Diluc existed mb.

And my limit for requests is 4 and I decided to add Tighnari bc I realized it. (No more than 4) (No part two. Sorry for those who thought Diluc would be here :d)

under cut r the stories. : D

Alhaitham

“Alhaitham” you said as he read his book forgetting about the noise canceling stuff he had. You continued to call out his name as kaveh watched. Softly laughing at you.

Alhaitham sent a glare towards kaveh and his gaze went back towards his book. “Alhaitham isn’t fun.” He pouted as you nodded. Eventually leaving his side to go outside with kaveh. Trying to bait him into becoming more fun.

“Kaveh I don’t think this will work.” “It might but prob not.” He replied as you both waited. He didn’t come out soon and you both came up with another idea. “We should make him mad about something…”

“Like Tighnari at cynos jokes?” “Exactly. I know you make him mad but maybe it should be something about knowledge?” “Wh-hey!” He bonked you on the head as you hit him lightly. “You do have a point though.” Kaveh said afterwards.

“Where would we find a dummy in all of sumeru?” You asked knowing majority of sumeru are smart fellows.

“We just need to get lucky.” “Maybe you should try make him mad again.” “Whyyy?!” “Because you make him mad numbskull!” Hitting him again lightly as he thought about it.

“I heard you two were trying to make me mad?” You both jumped slightly as both of you turned your head to see Alhaitham. Both of you becoming nervous by the second.

“I uhhmm.” You said trying to come up with an answer that wouldn’t sound stupid to him. His gaze turned to kaveh shortly after.

“Well I accept your challenge.” “Wait what?!”

“Someone is going to die.” Both of you panicked becoming more confused.

“Of fun?” You thought out loud as he nodded. Both of you partying slightly. Finally doing something other than work and reading.

Xiao (During lantern rite)

“Xiao!” You called as he appeared by your side. Sitting at a table with Zhongli and a few adepti. His eyes widened in surprise as he quickly composed himself and sat next to Zhongli.

Playing a few games to pass the time after having lunch with everyone. Xiao managed to smile and become more happier.

When it was time to play tag (yes tag.) he was not like his usual self but still tried. “Someone is going to die.” He said as a joke. Watching people be tagged from a distance. He though someone might fall and trip.

“Of fun!” You said afterwards. Tagging yaoyao as you ran away. Watching her touch xiao as she ran. He was caught off guard and teleported to someone randomly touching cloud retainer.

“Why must one be touched for a silly game?” She said as she used her beak to touch mountain shaper. He stayed silent and ran after Moon carver.

Xiao returned to yours and Zhongli s side as you started to lose the adrenaline in your heart. Drinking water as you watched them all finish.

Wanderer

(HAHHAHAHAHHAHA MY SISTER LOST HER 50/50 TO MONAAA) (I have won none of my 50/50s *crying* (I’m serious all 5 that I had I LOST, 3 to qiqi once to Mona and once to jean. Keqing was on standard)

He watched you come inside not expecting you to be crying. He rushed to your side and asked why and who (or what) caused it.

“Someone almost poisoned me…” You told him. “And do you know who? I’ll gladly make them cry louder than you and regret their life.” (Get it?????? I’m not funny :D) “what-?” “Nothing.”

“Someone is going to die today Y/N. Just tell me their name.” “Of fun right wanderer…?” It stayed silent for a few moments as you became more nervous then sad.

“Of fun right?” You asked again clasping your hands together worrying for the person who did it to you. “Let’s put it that way…” he said as he asked you. Looking for that individual after he spent some time with you.

He was always so interested in how you were always trying to see positive sides of anything. He has witnessed cruel and unjust acts and behavior.

Cyno

“Do you wanna pull a prank on them?” Someone asked gesturing to you. “Dude are you crazy?? Almost anyone and you choose them??!” They said calming down as they drank their water after the spat it out.

“What’s wrong with them?” They asked kind of nervous of them freaking out. “That’s the General Mahamatras Partner! AKA Cyno.” Cyno listened closely as he strained his ears. Behind a wall as you talked to a friend. Unknowingly cyno was going to pull a prank on them in return.

“Pssht! He’s prob on a mission it’s not like he’s hearing us right now.” “I guess you’re right but be careful.” They replied as they began to talk. Cynos prank wasn’t going to be good but it would jump them. That’s how pranks are.

They pulled the prank and scare you from behind. Telling how they got you good. Before you smirked and stocked your tongue out. Cyno was right behind them with his usual cold gaze and activated spirit. (Basically his idol animation, the one with the polearm)

“Someone will perish for their actions against Y/N.” They both froze up and turned slightly scared and worried. “Of fun!” You perked in. They both got caught off guard as cyno laughed off the joke before giving both of them a slight cut on their bodies.

“Run.” You suggested as cyno chased them away. Coming back toward you after he had his fun. “That’s fun to you? Chasing innocent beings cyno?” You asked jokingly. “Yes. Think of it as tag but it doesn’t end as quickly as tag does.”

“Fair enough.”

Tighnari

“I swear I am going insane if one more person consumes a fungi that’s poisonous or has dangerous side effects.” Tighnari stated as you tried to calm the agitated fennec down.

“Nari it will be okay. On the bright side it teaches not too and can help you improve on your methods of healing them.” You watched as his ears and tail perked up slightly motivated him. His tail wagged slowly as he stopped his rant.

“Someone will die.” He said and caught you off guard. “What-?! Of fun I hope!” You said as he nodded. “I’m going insane I need some days offff.” He told you as he buried his face into the pillow on the couch.

“Don’t worry the others can take at least 2 or 3 days off I’m sure of it!” You played with his ears as he felt calmer. “Thank you…” He got up and sat next to you. Waiting for your hand. You placed it on his head as he melted into your touch. His tail swishing ecstatically. Finally getting a well deserved break.

You scratched behind his ears as he spoke. “I really needed this.” Beginning to become sleepy due to the amount of comfort. Soon after you heard light snores.

Laughing to yourself as you got up and gave him a blanket. Going to go help the others with their tasks and to tell them what would be planned.

(I need a two plush. Omg it looks amazing. My birthday is in November tho 😭)

[merrybloomwrites]

You Can Start a Family (Chapter 7)

Summary:

Reader joins Mitch and Sarah for Love on Tour! First stop, Slane.

Previous Chapters: One ; Two ; Three ; Four ; Five ; Six

TW for this chapter: Smut

AN: My original plan for this chapter was to cover the entire time reader joins them for Love on Tour (aka Slane, Wembley, Cardiff, Belguim) but I once again got carried away. It's the longest chapter yet but only covers Ireland haha

Hope you enjoy!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mitch and Sarah love touring, but it doesn’t mean they don’t miss you. They have what they consider the best job in the world, but they’re still counting down the days until they see you again.

They love getting to do video calls, taking you on walks through the countries they’re in. They get excited each time you send an audio message because you want to tell them more information than you have the patience to text.

On more than one occasion, they’ve called or FaceTimed after a show, both too wound up to sleep right away. In the past they would just burn off that extra energy together in bed, but now they want you to be involved as well. Because of the time difference you’re normally just finishing dinner when this happens, and you’ve learned to keep your phone well charged even at the end of the day for situations like this. You love watching them together, listening to them tell you what to do with your hands, what they would do to you if you were all together. You wish you could be with them, pleasing them, but you admit this is better than nothing.

On a more innocent note, Mitch and Sarah absolutely love the adorable videos of you and Ryan that Tammy sends. There are videos of you both running around the yard, swimming in the pool, and tending to the garden. Their favorite is sent to them one evening shortly before a show. It’s of you and Ryan listening to Satellite and dancing. You’re both spinning around and then you begin to do the Satellite Stomps as dramatically as possible, sending Ryan into a fit of belly laughs so contagious that you fall over laughing as well.

Sarah’s the first to see the video and walks over to share it with Mitch. She hands him the phone and they watch together multiple times, huge smiles on both of their faces.

“That’s your new friend Y/N, right?” Harry asks. They both quickly turn, surprised to see they aren’t alone in their corner of the band dressing room.  

“Yea, that’s her,” Sarah answers, handing over the phone to Harry who presses play on the video. He also breaks into a huge grin. He always loves to see people of all ages enjoying his music, and it’s easy to tell that you and Ryan are having an absolute blast listening to it.

“She’s cute,” he says. Mitch and Sarah both softly agree, eyes back on the video of you. Harry watches them, curious about their reactions. There’s a certain look on their faces, one that takes him a minute to place but when he does, he’s more confused. It was a look of love and adoration that Mitch and Sarah always reserved for one another.

Before he can ask about that he’s pulled away to finish getting ready for the show.

***********

After nearly 5 weeks apart, it’s finally time for you to take your first international flight to join them on tour.

You’re finishing up at work, ready to stop home, grab your bags, and head to the airport. As you leave, you thank Ryan’s mom again for agreeing to take care of your cats while you’re gone.

Meanwhile Mitch and Sarah are equal parts excited and nervous for the following day. They cannot wait to reunite with you, but it’s also Mitch’s first solo show and that comes with a lot of nerves. Sure, they’ve been touring forever, but this is different. It’s Mitch’s own music, his vibe very different from Harry’s, and he’s not sure what the fans will think. Not to mention it’s one of the largest crowds they’ve ever played for.

Once you get to your gate at the airport you call them, knowing that it’s around the time they’ll be getting into bed. One thing you’re excited about is being in the same time zone, tired of doing mental math every time you want to talk to them.

“Hi love!” Sarah says as she picks up. “Are you at the airport?”

“Yup! Just got to my gate. Wanted to check in before it got too late over there.”

“Well, you caught us at the perfect time then,” she replies. “I was just reading a little in bed, waiting for Mitch to join me.”

“How’s he doing?”

“Oh, he’s a bit nervous about tomorrow, I think he’s excited though. Harry’s been teaching him a lot of tricks to help with the nerves, so I think that has him feeling more confident.”

“That’s good! Do you think I’ll see you guys before he goes on?”

“You should. Mitch and I have to head over to the venue pretty early but everyone else isn't leaving until later in the day. You’ll be given all the details when you get to the hotel tomorrow, but I think the plan is for you to ride over with Elin and Ariza.”

“Oh, cool! I’m so excited! This is going to be amazing, and I cannot wait to see you both.”

“We can’t wait either. Oh, here’s Mitch, I’ll let you two talk a bit.”

There’s a pause on the other line before you hear Mitch’s soft voice. “Hey, babe,” he says.

“Hi, how are you feeling?”

“Good. I mean, nervous, but in a good way I think. It’s like, adrenaline maybe? Honestly, I’m just trying to focus on the fact that we’ll get to see you in a few hours.”

You melt a little at his words, and you can’t help but smile knowing that you’re going to see them so soon. It’s been hard going so long without them, and comments like this let you know you’re not the only one who’s been struggling with the separation.

You talk to Mitch and Sarah for a little longer, sharing stories to relax them so they can fall asleep and be ready for the following day. Once you hear that they’ve switched to their sleepy voices you wish them goodnight and hang up.

You’re too excited to read your book so you take a walk through the terminal while waiting to board. You’re unfortunately no less riled up on the plane, trying to sleep but managing only an hour or two.

Next thing you know, you’re landing in Ireland, finally in a country other than the United States for the first time in your life. You’re tired, and a tad anxious about all the unknown around you, but still thrumming with energy knowing that you’ll see Mitch and Sarah in just a couple hours.

You find the car that will take you to the hotel and the 30-minute drive passes quickly as you watch the scenery out the window. You arrive at the hotel, check in, and a minute later a young woman walks up to you asking, “Are you Y/N?”

“Yes, I am,” you reply.

“Perfect, you’re right on time! I’m Becca, one of the assistants for the tour.” You shake her hand, and she continues, “I have you leaving in 1 hour with Elin, Ariza, and Pauli to head over to the venue. Will you be ready then? If not, I could place you in a van leaving a bit later.”

“I will absolutely be ready in 1 hour,” you say with a smile. Sure, you’re tired and grimy from flying, but you don’t want to delay your reunion another minute.

“Wonderful, we’ll be meeting in the lounge on the 3rd floor.”

“Thank you so much!”

You head up to your room to shower and get ready. You’re glad your outfit hadn’t wrinkled in your bag, so that’s one less thing to worry about. You get dressed, put on your makeup, and style your hair. There are only a few minutes before you need to meet up with everyone, so you grab your bag and head over.

The past day has already been such a whirlwind, and it isn’t until you’re outside the door to the lounge that you remember how many new people you’ll be meeting that day. Not just new people, but musicians you’ve been admiring for months, some for years.

The nerves hit you as soon as you walk into the room and see Elin, Ariza, and Pauli sitting on the couches. They immediately look at you as you walk in, and you feel like the outsider walking into a Saloon in an Old Western movie.

The feeling only lasts for a second before all three of them break out into smiles and get up to introduce themselves. They’re all absolutely lovely and the drive over to Slane Castle is filled with wonderful conversation. You let Pauli know how much you love their new song Saucy, that you’d listened to it at least a dozen times since it was released the previous day.

In no time at all the van is pulling into the venue. You’re amazed at the size of it, at the beauty of the castle. For a moment you think of your grandfather, whose family had come from Ireland, and suddenly feel a moment of connection to him. You know he would’ve absolutely loved to see this place, even been excited just to know you were able to go there.

You’re broken from your reverie by the others getting out of the van, and you follow them to backstage area that’s been set up. Thoughts of your family are chased out by one single thought: Mitch and Sarah are here.

You try to be patient. After all you don’t actually know where they are or where to go, but it’s taking everything in you not to start running through the halls to find them. You continue to follow the other band members, assuming they’re heading to the band dressing room, and you’ll find Mitch and Sarah there, but you get stopped by another member of the crew.

There’s a moment where you’re scared that he’s going to question who you are and if you’re allowed there, but he just says, “You’re Mitch and Sarah’s friend? They have a Y/N on their list set to arrive at this time. Is that you?”

“Yes, I’m Y/N,” you say, amazed by the level of professionalism and coordination that goes into the tour.

“I’ll show you to their dressing room.”

You smile and nod, following him further down the hallway.

“They’re finishing soundcheck, but you can wait in there for them.”

“Great, thank you so much!” As soon as you finish your sentence he’s gone, onto his next task of this incredibly busy day.

It’s chillier than you expected it to be, and you look over to see Mitch’s bag in the corner. There are a couple sweatshirts inside, and you grab one to put on, hoping he won’t mind.

You sit on the couch that’s in the room, resting your eyes while waiting for them. It’s only a bit longer before you hear the door opening. You don’t even have time to get up before you have a lap full of Sarah. Her limbs wrap around you and your arms go around her waist, holding her as close as possible. She tucks her face into your neck, and you feel Mitch sit on the couch next to you both. He leans in, pressing kisses to the side of your head.

You look up at him with a smile before he checks the door is closed and firmly slots his lips against yours. It’s passionate, but quick. As soon as you break apart, Sarah pulls you in for a similar kiss of her own.

You blink at both of them, partially dazed by the intensity of the greeting you received, partially unable to believe that you’re really here with them. It’s been 5 weeks since you’ve seen them, and tears well up in your eyes at the overwhelming relief of being held by them.

“You’re here,” Sarah whispers as though she can’t believe it.

“I’m here,” you reply just as quietly. She moves off of your lap and Mitch pulls you onto his. You’re sitting sideways so your legs lay over Sarah’s, and Mitch’s arms hold you tight. You hold Sarah’s hand in yours, and just sit quietly.

No one knows how long you all sit in silence, simply enjoying being together again, but you’re interrupted by Mitch’s phone ringing. He’s only on the call a moment before hanging up with a polite “thank you”.

“There’s food set out for lunch,” he informs you both.

You and Sarah nod to acknowledge this but make no move to get up until your stomach starts to growl.

“Let’s get you something to eat,” Mitch says, and you finally force yourself off of his lap. They walk over to the door, and you take a deep breath before following.

“Are you alright, love?” Sarah asks.

“Yea, just nervous about meeting everyone else.”

“Well, you’ve got us, and you’ve already met half the band. How were they this morning?”

“Very welcoming. Pauli ended up in our van too, so we talked a lot about their new music.”

“See? Nothing to be nervous about.” She places her hand lightly on your back knowing that the touch along with her words would help ease your anxiety. You’re still slightly overwhelmed walking into the room where lunch was set up but find quickly that there’s no need to be worried.

You meet the rest of the band and enjoy some delicious food. After a little while Mitch gets up saying that he needs to start getting ready. Sarah stands as well, and you look at them, unsure if you’re supposed to follow. Mitch tilts his head slightly and you understand that he wants you to go with them.  

It’s while you’re walking back to the dressing room that you meet Harry Styles in person for the first time. You’re grateful for the few times you’ve spoken on the phone or FaceTime because you’re able to keep calm and not fangirl at all. He walks with you all back to the room, wanting to talk with Mitch before his first solo set.

While the boys are talking, you sit with Sarah and watch her do her hair and makeup. She asks about your flight and what you think of the Irish scenery so far; all the small talk you avoided before lunch.

After a couple minutes Harry stands, saying, “Alright well I’ll let you guys finish getting ready. Y/N, would you like me to help you find someone to show you where to watch from?”

Before you can answer Mitch replies, “Actually Pete’s supposed to come back in a little bit to show her.”

“Oh, okay. Sounds good then. Y/N it was lovely officially meeting you. I hope you enjoy the show.”

You smile and wave as he walks away, all of you unaware of how closely he was observing your trio. Harry knew Mitch likes his time away from everyone, and assumed he would want no one other than Sarah before getting on stage, but here he is insisting this new friend stays. Harry also noticed how comfortable you and Sarah were while she was getting ready, small touches shared between you. He figures it could just be friendly, you helping her make sure her hair is exactly in place, but for some reason it seemed more intimate than that. Add on the fact that you’re definitely wearing one of Mitch’s sweatshirts and Harry finds himself once again curious about your relationship with the couple.

After Harry’s gone, they quickly finish with their prep and get dressed. There are a few minutes left before they need to get their in-ears and head to the stage.

You watch as Mitch crosses to the door, locking it. He first walks over to Sarah, pulling her in for a deep, searing kiss. It’s short, but passionate. He turns to you and does the same. It’s a kiss with so much emotion that it fills your whole body with warmth.

As he goes to pull away you quietly tell him how wonderful he’s going to do, how proud you are of him. He tucks his face into your neck, seeing comfort from your words and touch. He starts nodding and you know that he’s listening, absorbing what you’re saying and gaining a burst of confidence.

He steps back and then there are once again lips against yours. This time they’re Sarah’s and they press gently against yours in a series of soft, chaste kisses. You give her a similar pep talk and then she pulls away.

Everyone takes a collective deep breath and Mitch unlocks the door. You make sure your hair is okay and you and Sarah check each other’s lipstick.

A minute later there’s a knock on the door, and the same guy from before, that you’ve now learned is Pete, stands on the other side. You give Mitch and Sarah each a quick friendly hug and follow him out to join the audience.

Once you walk outside, you’re met with an insane sight that takes your breath away. A sea of thousands of people full of excited energy. You’ve already been given a Johnny’s Place wristband and will mix in with the crowd there when Harry goes on, but you’re led to a spot close to the stage for Mitch’s set. You also have a special badge that will allow you backstage again throughout the day.

You’re looking around at the crowd when you start to hear loud cheering. You quickly turn back to the stage to see them walking out. Mitch’s face isn’t giving away much of what he’s feeling, but you know him well enough to see a slight bit of nerves. He grabs the first guitar he needs and scans the crowd. In no time at all his eyes meet yours, and you smile. His lips twitch ever so slightly and while he doesn’t smile back you see him visibly relax.

You love every second of watching him and Sarah. They do an amazing job and Mitch’s voice feels like home to you. The second he walks off stage you start to move.  Earlier in the day they had asked you to meet them back in their dressing room after the set, and that is exactly where you are headed.

The door is open, so you walk in to wait for them. It’s a few minutes later when they swiftly enter the room. Sarah closes and locks the door as Mitch runs over to you, picking you up and spinning you around before placing you back in front of him and crushing his lips to yours. You gasp and feel his tongue pressing against yours.

The kiss is over as quickly as it began, knowing you all will only have a minute or two of privacy before people come looking to congratulate Mitch.

You press your forehead against his, whispering, “You did amazing. I am so, so proud of you.” A huge smiles spreads across his face, and Sarah comes over to wrap an arm around each of you for a moment. You both turn to kiss her, then take another minute to bask in this wonderful moment together before breaking apart and opening the door.

It doesn’t take long for others to start filing in and out. You hang in the back, proudly watching as Mitch receives all the well-deserved praise.

After a while it quiets down, people heading back outside to watch the other opening acts. You peek out and watch a little bit of Annie Mac and Inhaler, but mostly want to stay close to Mitch and Sarah as much as you can.

Pete comes back partway through Wet Leg’s set to escort you to your spot for the show. You mix into the Jonny’s Place crowd and find a spot towards the side about halfway back. It may not be front and center, but you can tell you’ll be able to see Mitch and Sarah fairly well, plus you’re right next to the catwalk you know Sarah will walk down for Matilda.

You enjoy the rest of Wet Leg’s performance and spend the break watching the fans around you, feeling every bit as excited as them, until finally you’re all singing the end of Bohemian Rhapsody. The crowd is buzzing with energy and the cheering increases as the band takes the stage and the intro starts.

You’ve already made eye contact with both Mitch and Sarah, and you have a good feeling people are going to share the clip of the slight smile Mitch gives when he sees you.

Harry makes his entrance and you’re screaming with everyone else, before singing along to Daydreaming. After the first few songs Harry takes a moment to shout out the openers and you cheer especially loudly for Mitch.

You continue to enjoy the show, watching Mitch with laser focus during She, continually amazed by his skill and talent. As soon as the song ends you expect to see Sarah walk to join Harry, Madi, and Elin at the B stage but then Harry says, “We haven’t played this one in a little while so bear with me,” and you, along with everyone else, start to freak out about what song they’re going to do.

The first notes to Little Freak start to play and everyone screams before starting to sing too early, and you laugh remembering the same thing happened at the show you attended months ago. While everyone has turned around to watch Harry, you keep your eyes on the main stage, loving the calmness Mitch and Sarah exude as they play this slower, more gentle song.

After it’s over Sarah walks past, glancing at you quickly with a smirk. Mitch starts the into to Matilda and you take in the moment around you. The setting sun makes for a beautiful background, and you can’t help but be enamored by Sarah. Her gentle sway, her hands clasped behind her back, and her voice coming through as a perfect harmony to the others.

You’ve listened to this song plenty of times before, even heard it live, but it’s hitting differently now. The words “you can start a family” bring tears to your eyes as you realize that’s what you’ve done in the past months with Mitch and Sarah. They’ve accepted you fully into their relationship, and you’ve joined their family.

By the end of the song, you’re smiling and crying. Sarah gives you a genuinely warm smile as she walks back to the main stage, and you know that she understands just what you’re feeling at that moment.

It takes a minute for you to compose yourself but once Harry gets to the Satellite Stomps you’ve wiped away your tears and are focused back on Sarah; you can watch the stomps at another show.

You continue to have the time of your life, singing and dancing along to the music. Hearing Fine Line live is as magical as you thought it would be and you feel like you could continue to live in that moment forever. Harry gives a wonderful performance, and the instrumental at the end is perfection.

They take their short break before coming back and doing the last 4 songs of the night. You scream as you hear Sarah hit the drumsticks and Mitch starts the iconic intro to Medicine. Once Kiwi begins you start looking everywhere at once, trying to watch every extremely talented member of this band during the final song of the night.

The next thing you know Harry’s doing his signature whale move and the show comes to an end. You quickly make your way through the crowd, showing your badge to get backstage again. After following voices, you turn a corner and see the band walking in front of you towards the dressing rooms.

“You guys better meet us back here to hang out while we wait!” Pauli shouts as Mitch and Sarah break off to the other room. You slide in the room behind the couple and close the door before pulling them in for a group hug.

“That was amazing! Thank you so much for bringing me here!”  

“We’re so happy that you’re here with us, baby,” Mitch says, squeezing tighter as Sarah nods her head that’s resting on your neck.

After a minute you all break apart and they change out of their concert outfits.

“C’mon, we’d better join the others,” Sarah says and the three of you make your way back down the hall to where the rest of the band is hanging out.

“Welcome!” Ariza shouts. “Congrats everyone on another epic show! Sarah, Mitch, Y/N, drinks are over there. We’ve got some time to kill so might as well keep the party going!”

You all grab a drink and the next thing you know, you’re in the middle of a post-concert party with the love band. It’s nothing crazy, and you enjoy the opportunity to sit and chat with Madi, the newest band member. You learn she was also born in Connecticut but had moved to Pennsylvania very early and grew up there. You’re familiar with the area she was raised in, having visited there with your family on multiple occasions as a child and you two talk about places that you’ve both been.

After a little while Pauli and Yaffra join your group, and you find yourself listening to their conversation while not adding much. Suddenly the fatigue starts to hit, and you realize that aside from the short nap you had on the plane, you’d been up for nearly 36 hours straight. Your eyelids start to grow heavy as you lean against the arm of the couch. You’re fighting to keep your eyes open and look over to Sarah. She immediately notices how sleepy you are and comes over to sit next to you on the arm and rests a hand lightly on your shoulder.

She leans down and quietly says, “Shouldn’t be much longer and we’ll be heading out, okay love?” You nod, and she starts to run her fingers through your hair, which does nothing to help you stay awake but is incredibly comforting. You’re grateful that Sarah is known to be a rather affectionate person, and you relax into the touch knowing that no one is going to question how close you two are.

You’ve nearly fallen asleep with your head resting against her side when a crew member comes in to bring everyone to the vans. The crowds of fans have finally cleared the roads and almost all of the buses have left.

Once you get to the van you climb into the backseat followed by Sarah then Mitch. Elin and Ariza sit in the middle row, and you all start your journey.

The drive back to the hotel isn’t very long, but at this point you’re absolutely exhausted and it’s only a minute before you’re asleep with your head on Sarah’s shoulder. She wakes you when you arrive at the hotel and keeps a firm arm around your waist all the way back to your room, seeing that you’re barely awake.

You hand her your key, too tired to get it to work, and she walks into your room with you while Mitch goes next door. Luckily you have adjoining rooms, and he opens the connecting door on their side while Sarah does the same on your side, so they can sneak you into their room with no one seeing.

Sarah helps you get changed, brush your teeth, and remove your make up before leading you to their bed where Mitch is already laying down. You curl up to him and pass out immediately.

You wake up the next morning with a person on either side of you. It’s familiar but also foreign after sleeping alone for over a month. You tuck yourself further into the neck of the person you’re facing, and the feeling of scruff against your cheek informs you that it’s Mitch.

Sarah presses closer to you from behind and you feel her start to kiss your throat as Mitch’s hands travel up and down your body. You may have been too tired for anything the previous night, but now you feel well rested, completely alert, and you don’t want to waste another minute before finally reconnecting.

You lift your head up and without even opening your eyes you start to kiss Mitch’s neck, moving up to blindly search for his lips. Once you hit your target you let out a sigh at the feeling of sharing this intimate kiss with him.

It starts slow and lazy, tongues casually sliding against each other. After a couple of minutes, you break apart and you turn to Sarah. You throw a leg between hers and lay on top of her. She pulls you in and you’re lost in making out with her, grinding down to bring pleasure to both of you.

She starts lifting your shirt off and the three of you remove your pajamas, glad you all slept in the bare minimum of clothes the night before. You climb back on top of her before trailing kisses down her body. Once you reach her center you swipe your tongue across the intimate area, and the sounds you pull from her is music to your ears.

As you add a finger to the mix, you feel Mitch stand at the end of the bed. He pulls up your hips so he can line up himself behind you. His hard length slides through your folds and your eyes roll back in your head at that contact alone.

“Are you sure you want to go bare?” Mitch asks, referring to a conversation you all had had over the phone a few weeks ago. Right after they left for tour you had a doctor’s appointment and went on birth control and were excited to finally feel Mitch without a barrier.

“Yes, yes, please, I want to feel you,” you reply. Mitch doesn’t hesitate another moment and slides into you in one slow thrust. When you feel him bottom out, you’re overwhelmed and pull back from Sarah for a moment. You rest your head against her thigh and take a few deep breaths. She gently pets your hair as Mitch runs his hands along your back. The combination of sensual and sweet at the same time nearly short circuits your brain.

After a moment you regain your composure and bring your mouth back to Sarah’s core and start moving your fingers again. The room is filled with the sounds of everyone’s pleasure, and it feels so right that the three of you are finally able to reconnect in this way and bring everyone to this state of pure bliss.

You know when Sarah is getting close and focus on helping her cross that finish line. You slide your free hand along her torso, hoping to ease her down after her intense high.

You’re so focused on Sarah it takes a moment to realize that Mitch has stopped moving. He pulls out and you whine at the loss.

“I just want to see you,” Mitch says as he gently manhandles you onto your back then slides inside you again. It only takes another minute before you feel the familiar pressure building, and you come, your nails scratching along Mitch’s back at the overwhelming pleasure.

After another few sloppy thrusts, Mitch is finishing inside of you and you think that you could black out at the feeling of him coming without a condom. You pull him in for a sloppy kiss as you both come down. He stays inside of you for a few minutes, having figured out early on that the continued connection after sex is something you crave.

Finally he pulls out and as always, gets up to grab cloths to clean everyone. Before he can get back Sarah is on top of you, sliding one leg in between yours. She leans down to kiss you, and after a minute you feel her start to grind against your leg. You shift until her leg is against your core as well, and the two of you work up a rhythm.

Mitch watches as you both come again at the same time, your open mouth kisses turning into practically panting into each other’s mouth.

After you’ve both caught your breath, Mitch helps you both clean up. You whine as the cloth touches your now hypersensitive core and you hear him murmur apologies.

Once you and Sarah are clean Mitch lays down next to you both, wrapping his arms around you and pressing light kisses to your heads.

You almost fall back asleep when Mitch asks, “What do you think about being a typical tourist in Ireland for the afternoon?” Your eyes light up and you nod vigorously.

“I think that sounds perfect!”

The three of you get up and move into the shower together. You all eat room service while getting ready and shortly before you plan to leave there’s a knock on the door.

Mitch goes over to answer and a minute later walks back in with Harry following behind.

“Good morning girls,” Harry says.

“Hey Harry!” you reply.

“What are you guys up to today?” he asks.

“We’re gonna head into Dublin for a few hours. Y/N’s never been so we want to walk around and explore a bit,” Sarah answers.

“That sounds fun!” he answers, looking between the three of you.

“You’re welcome to join us if you’d like,” Mitch adds. He’s known Harry long enough to tell that he was hoping for an invitation, though he’s not entirely sure why. It’s rare that Harry chooses to head into big cities when he’s touring, knowing the high likelihood of being stopped by fans.

“I mean, if you all don’t mind, I’d love too,” he replies.

You all head out and enjoy a wonderful afternoon sightseeing. Harry does get stopped a handful of times, but the fans are all lovely and polite. The last activity of the day is the Guinness Storehouse for a tour and dinner; after all the plan was to be a typical tourist in Dublin.

Harry sits next to you on the ride home and spends the trip asking you questions about yourself. You enjoy the conversation, but there’s a voice in the back of your mind that cannot believe this is reality, that you're just casually talking to Harry Styles.  

At the hotel Harry follows your trio up to your rooms, which you find curious since you know his room is on another floor. You all stand awkwardly in the hallway for a moment before Harry say, “Well, guess I should be heading back. It was lovely getting to know you more today, Y/N.” He leans in to give you a hug, which you don’t expect and you lift your arms somewhat ungracefully in return.

“Good-night everyone, see you all bright and early tomorrow,” he says as he waves and walks away.

You walk into your room while Mitch and Sarah walk into theirs. You immediately get changed into pajamas and do your bedtime routine. You walk back into the other room and sit on the bed, turning on the TV to wait while the others finish getting ready.

Mitch is the first to join you and the first words out of his mouth shock you. “I think Harry has a crush on you.”

While seconds ago you were verging on sleep, you’re suddenly wide awake. “What?” you ask, sitting up to stare at him, eyes practically bugging out of your head at what you view as an absurd statement. “Why in the world would you think that?”

“I’ve known Harry for years, I’ve seen how he is. He was definitely watching you today.”

“Okay, so say you’re right. What do I do if he tries to like, act on that crush? How do I turn him down without telling him about the three of us?”

At this point Sarah has joined the two of you on the bed and says, “What do you guys think about just telling him the truth?”

You turn to Mitch to get his response before sharing your own. “Well,” he starts. “I trust Harry. He’s my best friend. Honestly, I kind of want to tell him the truth soon no matter what. It feels weird keeping something this big from him.”

You nod as you listen to him, and pause for a moment before answering, “You know him best. If you trust him then I have no reason not to. I’m fine with him learning about us.”

Mitch grabs your hand and you both turn to Sarah who says, “I think we should tell him. Hopefully there’ll be a time this week we can all get together again and explain the story.”

Everyone feels a sense of happiness at the thought of finally letting someone in on the secret. The three of you have a wonderful relationship, but there’s something about someone on the outside knowing that makes it feel more real somehow.

You all cuddle under the covers, Mitch and Sarah wrapping their arms around you. It’s your favorite place to be, and you quickly fall asleep.

It’s an early morning the next day in order to get to the airport for the quick flight to London. You sit in the window seat with Sarah and Mitch next to you, and despite how early in the day it is you find yourself filled with excited energy. It’s only been a couple days since your trip away from home started and you’ve already had so much fun with your two favorite people. You cannot wait to see what the rest of the trip brings.

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AN: Thanks you so much for reading this chapter! I hope you're enjoying it and would love to know what everyone's thinking so far!

Taglist: @akkatz @pandeebearstyles @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @theekyliepage @numafarawayglxy @booberry019-blog @hillzrry @ssareidbby @gem1712 @acesofspadess @houseofdilfs @shaquille-0atmeal-1 @kissitnhekitchen

[softcarebears]

UPDATE TIME POOK

27. bbsf didn’t go w/ deja either. idk why he lied tho

28. i finally meet deja, she like instantly complements me

29. couple hours later bbsf ends up coming up to me and my friends and uh oh deja, despite having liked him for the past 2 weeks, no longer likes him

30. now me and bbsf r constantly hanging out w/ our other friends, zim, berry and five (who i probably should’ve mentioned earlier hated me bc she liked bbsf but she got over it pretty soon after realizing she was a lesbian)

31. seats r finally changed in avid, i sit in front of flor’s twin sister fawn, w/ flor sitting right be side her

32. i end up becoming friends w/ the twins and me, flor and bbsf all work together in a group project

33. we’re spilt into groups for smth called tutorial in avid, i’m w/ bbsf, fawn, turtle (aka a’s bf and the dude who’s been trying to get me and bbsf together for 2 years), drop and tee

34. turtle further tries to get us together 

35. bbsf gets strep and i end up giving him advice in the gc, cuz u know, little sis of a nurse

36. pinkie leaves the gc

37. smiley has a party at her house, inviting me, violet, june and new comers rose and star

38. violet and june tell me that pinkie hasn’t shut up abt me in months 

39. rose tells me that only the under class men who knew us were the only ones who didn’t think that me and bbsf were dating

40. start of hoco week

SHE'S BACK OMGGGG WE CHEEREDDD!!!!WOOHOOO👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

hmm...deja "compliments you when you meet her" for the first time plus THEN STOPS LIKING BBSF HMM...why can i sense a crush development....I CAN SMELL SOME HOT PIPING SAPPHIC TEA STIRRINGGG and im here for it!!

or maybe i just read too many books and fanfics i'm hella delulu chile lol

or maybe she realised you were the perfect match for bbsf or smth and that she does not stand a chance...or she got a crush on you...barbie said everything was possible so i don't know either fam

why everyone in this story either is in love with bbsf or you or is gay or turns out gay...???

TURTLE IS A MAN OF CULTURE🔥AND HE DESERVES THE BIGGEST SMOOCH OH THE LIPS !!😘

pinkie OUTTTTT!!! she does not deserve to debut with that fugly attitude of hers (lmfao kpop stan core🤗) + her talking about you for months its giving...envious....its giving..."wish i were heather" by conan gray...its giving she hates you but her pinterest board is filled with pics of you lol

what are you wearing for hoco queeen??! ALSO U NEVER SENT ME A PIC OF YOUR DAPHNE COSTUME💔

i'm writing this ask while im supposed to be revising lol i have my english lit paper two tomorrow wish me luck my queenussy...i finish exams next monday hoof i just want this shit to be OVER WITH OMG!...i miss the blue skies,the sounds of birds chirping and the grass😔

also i'm currently in an online SITUATIONSHIP WITH A MOOT i did here on tumblr 3 yrs ago okay BYEEE HAHA HAHA LMFAO😭

me core...

he did not text me at all today...🙁

do i give af?

no

(i absolutely do....)

[pebblysand]

hello,

I cannot begin to tell you how much castles meant to me, and what a privilege it has been to follow it these past few years. When I finished chapter 24 I was surprised to find that I was experiencing a small bit of grief that the story is over and I’m only a fan I can’t imagine what it’s like for you!

Now that you wrapped up the story I was wondering if you would like to reveal what your original five chapter outline entailed, how it grew, what surprised you while writing the fic, and what, if any, plot lines or themes you wished to explore but didn’t get the chance to write into the story.

Again thank you so much for writing castles and I’m hoping you’re enjoying a well deserved rest.

aw, thank you so, so much for this message anon. the grief is REAL haha! although, for me, i think i had a bit more time to get used to the idea as i was writing (i also knew when/how i wanted to end, etc.) so that has relieved it a bit. i'm also insanely happy about finishing so it's very complicated, messing feelings haha! that said, i've been getting so many sweet comments and DMs lately, i truly hadn't realised/allowed myself to see how many people were reading this fic and just seeing now how much it meant to everyone is honestly the best gift and reward i could ever have imagined (and the best present for my birthday week haha!). thank you all SO MUCH, really!

so in terms of your questions...

I was wondering if you would like to reveal what your original five chapter outline entailed, how it grew...

at the beginning, i didn't really have a precise "outline" for the five chapters, it was more of a general idea. the first thing that "came" to me was actually two one-shots:

what ended up being chapter one - a directly post-war dreamy blur-like story (a lot of which i already had cause i'd started and stopped writing one a number of times)

the end (aka the four questions from the four kids and lily renovating godric's hollow, with the end scene being harry going in for the first time)

at the very start, they were two independent stories. one was about the post-war era and the other was about generational trauma/the impact of the war on next gen. then, i was sort of thinking about war and the latter, and the next thing that came was the 9/11-Iraq chapter (chapter 19). i was like, 'hm, maybe i could make this a series about war'. so it became this thing of almost "war throughout the ages" where the first instalment would be directly post-war, then 9/11, then next gen. this was what i landed on over the first few hours of thinking about it, in august 2020.

then i had the idea of the "poem" (i.e. the chapter titles). and i realised that if i wanted to make it work, i'd probably have to do 5/6 chapters for the poem to work. so i started thinking maybe i could do a bit more hinny/rebuilding lore, with a lose plan of a hinny break up, then resolution when they finally talked, which is basically where i was when i really started putting together chapter 1 and when i published it.

after that, the story sort of grew out of... boredom. in the first place. i got laid off my job because of covid and was studying for law exams and just... procrastinated lol. that's sort of how you got the first 6/7 chapters, giulia, mia, etc. i just sort of kept growing the universe as i wrote it. then, obviously, chapter 8 happened.

i've talked about it before but chapter 8 wasn't planned. in the way that: did i always have the idea that "this is how wars are fought" and that ginny could have been abused? yes, definitely. but i was initially determined not to go there, ended up changing my mind and going there, and that was obviously a decision that had a massive impact on the story itself. what was going to be basically two chapters of harry and ginny talking and getting back together, became a 200,000 words subplot, almost. i think at the time 1) i was still unemployed and didn't mind adding more to my plate as i had nothing else to do and 2) i didn't quite realise what i was taking on. i don't regret it, don't get me wrong, but it made the story a lot longer than i had planned.

around that time (i think a little later), i finally had the idea of lily going to war. as i said above, i had always known how the fic would end with her renovating godric's hollow as the last "castle" (and i always the question she would be asking: "what was the hardest thing?" "having you") but i had never quite figured out why she was asking that, and why she was renovating the house. and then i will always remember: i was at home in nice, walking pebblydog in the evening, and this song by passenger came up in my spotify. i'd heard it before but didn't know it well but i suddenly got hit by this vision of: lily, in a war, getting into a car accident. and then it was just... there. like, unavoidable. it made so much sense.

i had already read a fic (for the life of me, i can't find it now, if anyone has it, feel free to link it below) of lily joining the british army. it was a very different context/story (and a very short one shot) but it probably had percolated in my head. but after having written chapter 8, it made So Much Sense. the recurrence of war. the thing about the price women specifically pay in wars, ect. i also think that the internet is FILLED with next gen fics about albus and james, but lily is almost always ignored. so i suppose she naturally became the one who interested me the most.

i think once i had that, very little changed throughout the story. it was mostly just writing and adding to the world, building towards what i knew would be the end. i also initially had had the idea for the harry/hermione fight and a lot of the storyline around her life as a politician/minister for the hermione one shot i was writing at the time, and a lot of that actually ended up in castles. i did add the abortion story after roe. but that was pretty much it.

so anyway, in a very condensed way, this is how it grew and became a 400,000 words monster lol.

what surprised you while writing the fic

honestly, the success it got. i've talked about this a thousand times before so i won't reinvent the wheel but i come from very small fandoms were getting 50 kudos makes you top 10 fics of all time lol. i am immensely honoured and baffled and grateful that so many people have read and connected with this story. it's honestly been beyond my wildest dreams. it obviously comes as a pendent of a sometimes very odd and rather conflictual HP fandom, which is also surprising coming from smaller communities, but mostly, it's been an incredibly positive experience!

what, if any, plot lines or themes you wished to explore but didn’t get the chance to write into the story.

and yeah, so i've already talked about this but i really wanted to have a plotline with harry and dudley sort of reconciling (or at least getting on better terms/talking) but i could never quite find a good spot for it. perhaps had roe not happened, it could have worked in chapter 18 but the abortion storyline seemed more important to me. and again, i kind of also like that it didn't get resolved? like some things just don't resolve in life, yk?

anyway, i'll stop here cause it's already a very long post, but thank you for your questions and for your kind words anon, i truly, truly appreciate it!

[withacapitalp]

Hidden Gem Friday

DID I FORGET ITS FRIDAY??? YEAH BUT MY LITTLE SISTER IS HERE SO UHHHHH Hey it's here!!! As always still taking prompts for this!!! The way I'm gonna do these now I think is the first rec above the read more and then the rest below! Hope you guys like that haha

In Eddie's Honour by literaldisneyprincess aka the amazing @maxinemaxmayfield !!!! Recced by me bc this fic is literally a treasure 5.8k- Steddie (Complete)

Summary:

Without thinking, he reaches down and slides his fingers over the indent made by the pen. Eddie must have pressed down harder than necessary, leaving a tactile mark as well as the visual one.  Steve’s hit by the realisation that Eddie will never write his name again. Never write or draw, or even hold a pen again. Ever.  For the first time in two weeks, he stops. He looks around his room, feeling lost, feeling alone and so achingly, horribly empty. - - - Steve struggles with the grief left behind after Eddie's death and how he can move past it without forgetting.

My Thoughts:

I WROTE AN ENTIRE THREE PARAGRAPH THOUGHTS AND THEN TUMBLR DELETED IT NAYHHH. Okay I'm going to try and recreate it. The thing that always gets me about Morgan's writing is the level of detail. It's not just writing like it becomes a whole experience? the font and the notebook page and all these little add ons that just sink you so deep into the story!!! My favorite scene has to be the tattoo scene I remember Morgan talking about this one with us and workshopping it and watching this story come to fruition was such an utter joy. it's on my short list of fics to read when I need a good grief moment haha

I'll feel the sickness less and less by softshr3k Recced by an anon 3.6k (Complete) - Platonic Stobin

Summary:

“What did they do to you?” she finally asks, her voice a whisper. Steve shuts his eyes, breathing in slowly. Everybody seems to want to ask him questions he doesn’t have the right answers to lately. “It doesn’t matter. I’m fine, it’s over.” When he opens his eyes again he can tell she doesn’t believe him, but she doesn’t ask again. Steve thinks he might love her for it. (or, the immediate aftermath of Starcourt, because Steve and Robin are traumatized and also platonic soulmates)

My thoughts:

Okay so I wrote a fic really similar to this one because I NEEDED more of early Stobin, and damn if this didn't hit that niche so perfectly!!!! Like ough I just Robin and Steve have such a lovely really complicated relationship. Both of them have no idea how love works, but they do love each other and it's real OMG I loveeeeeee they're so good! I also love the characterizations here. Steve and Robin still figuring out how this deep confusing real thing between them works ough I love them

staring into all man's plateglass, faces, questioning after who loves by TolkienGirl 1.2k Gen pre-Stoncy being friends (Complete) recced by me

Summary:

Jonathan quirks half a smile in her direction. “Do you want to be right, or do you want me to have lunch with you?” “Both,” Nancy says.

My Thoughts:

This one is like ough a Hershey kiss!! It's short and so so perfect. I love Jonathan POV stuff and this has such a good take on him and how he would feel barely knowing Steve but really wanting to know Nancy and having these emotions for her There's this amazing line in here about Jonathan 'seeing' Steve by being the empty house behind him in the photograph. How Steve is so desperate and hollow, but Jonathan because he's into Nancy sees that and sees it as a flaw of Steve instead of having sympathy for that and it's so OGUH it's amazing

I was open to pain and crossed by the rain by sparklyslug recced by @serpentinegraphite AND @daisiescorduroyandcoffee 20k (COMPLETE)- Gen Wayne and Eddie

Summary:

Little Eddie is born, and Wayne isn't there. Eddie is four. Is eight. Is thirteen. Is eighteen. Is twenty. And his uncle is there. His uncle is right there.

My Thoughts:

I LOVE A WAYNE AND EDDIE FIC AGH! Okay the Munson Lore!!! I love how every writer was like yeah yk what I must include some backstory here for Wayne and Eddie and we are all right LMAO god the scene with Eddie's shaved head it HURTS me like genuinely the way Wayne asks if its what he wants and its so good. IT's hard to explain like there's so so much going on in this fic and it's longer but it's this really well crafted one shot with hints I also adore the way Steve and Wayne develop a relationship here it's not a focus but it's always one of my fave thigns to see in fics!!!! Anyway it's great

[alexia-redacted]

Leaving Part II

Pairing: Natasha x Reader

Genre: hurt, comfort

Warnings: none

Summary: it's time for you to leave and Nat fully intends to let you do it

Words: 1.2k

A/N: hi, this is my attempt at writing again after a while with zero motivation. This is just a quick second part to a drabble I wrote back in September because of popular demand (aka one person asked haha so @when-wolves-howl I know you don’t remember but there you go). Sorry I suck at writing actual fluff.

Part I

Packing is hell. You don’t know if you’re allowed to grab your favourite clothes to throw in your suitcase. Well, her favourite clothes. The ones Natasha loved seeing you in. The ones she bought for herself knowing damn well you’d end up stealing them because wearing your girlfriend’s clothes has always brought comfort to you.

You don’t even know if you’re allowed to cry as you get ready to leave for another continent. Because in the end, you did this to yourself.

It’s been two weeks since you broke the news of your leaving to Natasha. 

Two weeks of work and a rushed visa procedure as your only companions and that alone has kept you plenty busy… and yet.

It’s been two weeks of her last words echoing in your mind 24/7. “I’m here and that was never enough to make you stay.”

Nothing in the world can quiet your mind when it comes to the hurt you caused your favorite person.

When you throw a last pair of jeans in your bag, you’re not sure if they’re yours or hers but they’re comfy so you try to ignore your laboured breaths.

Checking the time, you realise you need to hurry up. Your plane leaves in a couple of hours and the car your work sent to drive you has probably been waiting downstairs for a while.

You shoot a quick text to Steve to let him know he can tell her that you’re on your way. She can finally come pick up the belongings she left behind. When he wishes you a safe travel, you can tell his goodbyes are bittersweet, even through your screen.

You drag your suitcases and yourself out of the bedroom and through the rooms you lived in for the past five years.

Your eyes run about your apartment for the last time and you can’t avoid the many times they catch onto pieces of Natasha and your life together. 

A candid picture of you two, smiling, love shining in your eyes. Her water bottle sitting idly on the coffee table. A book you gifted her two christmases ago that she’s read about five times already, and judging by how it lays on the side table open and face down, she was well into a sixth read.

You pick it up, running your fingers along the surprisingly still smooth pages.

A tear drop wets the paper but you barely notice it.

-----

“Are you sure about your decision not to even say goodbye to them?” Yelena asks and Natasha can’t help the sigh she lets through the phone.

“We’ve gone over this so many times, will you drop it already?” A beat passes as Nat struggles with the lock of the front door so she props her phone between her shoulder and ear to push the heavy door. When she steps in the lobby with familiarity, a heavy weight settles in the pit of her stomach. “It’s too late anyway, Steve told me they’re gone. They left a few hours ago”

“I’m sorry, Nat.”

“I’m not,” and she almost sounds convincing.

But she doesn’t. And she knows she doesn’t. Before Yelena can point that out, she adds, “I’m about to lose you, I’m getting in the elevator. See you later.” She hangs up before her little sister can add anything about her wavering voice.

The elevator brings her to the fourth floor and she has to brace herself before she makes it to the door she’s crossed so often the past couple of years.

The door hisses on its hinges making Natasha cringe. It used to be the sound that alerted you of her coming home. You’d be right there in a heartbeat to give her a kiss, happy to see her after a long day.

A sob wracks the air.

Natasha’s chest constricts and air leaves her lungs. Slowly, she whips around to take in her surroundings.

The half empty apartment that greets her isn’t what chills her to the bones.

There, by the coffee table, she sees the red cover of her favorite book.

One of your hands grips it tightly while your other hand covers your mouth to control the volume of your sobs.

Your red rimmed eyes meet her green ones.

Hers soften but she doesn’t approach you.

You stay unmoving too, tucked on the floor between the couch and the small table.

Nat’s eyes drag from your forgotten luggage to your pathetic form. She raises a single eyebrow at you and you can see the question forming on her lips.

She doesn’t need to ask.

“I couldn’t do it,” you whisper.

You put the book down with reverence. Not quite ready to face Nat’s fury, you shove your tear streaked face in your hands. You’re shaking.

You barely hear Nat moving about.

You can’t.

You can’t. You can’t. You can’t. 

She is gonna pack her own thing and she’ll leave you in your misery.

And you deserve it.

Fuck.

You deserve it.

Maybe you should’ve gone.

Natasha won’t want you anymore.

You’re too late. You’re too late. You’re too late. Yo—

A soft hand on the crown of your hair stops you mid-thought.

Natasha’s thumb rubs slowly on your forehead. She is patient. She doesn’t force you to raise your head just yet so you take the time to get in control of your breathing again.

When you finally look back up, Nat’s hand falls back on her lap. She is sitting on the coffee table in front of you.

You can’t read her expression, though.

She points at the mug next to her, “I made you tea.”

You look from the offered liquid to her impassive face and soon tears fill your eyes once again but you can’t let them fall.

You’re the one to blame.

“I’m so sorry,” you say in a broken voice.

Nat shakes her head. “Are you here to stay or just delayed?”

“I wanna stay.” 

“And your work in London?”

“Is less important than you.” You wipe at your nose with your sleeve before straightening up. “I should’ve asked you to come with me or decided to stay here.”

“But you didn’t.”

Head hanging down, you close your eyes. The pain of your decision is unavoidable. “I didn’t think you’d ever want to come with me,” you mumble but Nat’s ear is trained on your every breath and she picks up every word clearly.

“Why not?” She sounds extremely offended.

“Because you deserve better than to uproot your whole life for me.”

Two fingers grab at your chin forcing you to raise your gaze to her. “I would’ve followed you anywhere.”

You close your eyes, in pain but her soft fingers move to your jaw then your cheek, and finally, relief floods you. “I’m so sorry,” you say again and her cold hand presses against your skin more firmly.

“I know you are.”

If you shed tears then, and hide them against her legs as you wrap yourself around every part of her you can reach from your position on the floor, she doesn’t mention it.

“I wanna stay here with you,” you sob with your head on her lap. Her fingers card slowly through your hair in a soothing manner.

“Now, I know you do.”

You don’t move for a long time even after you’ve calmed down and your tea has gone cold.

And she is ready to stay here with you like this for as long as you need.

Something you should’ve done for her all along.

But maybe it’s not too late, yet.

[waynes-multiverse]

Multiverse News: Week 1

Greetings, fellow travelers! It’s your favorite hot mess speaking! 🖖

In the new year, I wanted to make an effort to share more about my writing progress and give you guys better (and hopefully, weekly) updates on some of my WIPs that I’ve been working on during that time.

So, for the curious among you, it’s a great opportunity to get some insight, and for me, it’s awesome because I get to share some of my excitement about current projects with you guys. And you know the rules here, questions are not only allowed but welcomed. Let me know if you like this idea and if we should continue it. In the future, I could also add fic recs of what I read that week if that would be something you’re interested in. So, without further ado, let’s get started! 🖤

Fine print: Updates may contain small spoilers, which are announced in italics! 😜

Series Updates:

DBM: Finished three chapters this week. Spoilers: First part takes place in the reader’s past with chosen moments throughout the first three seasons. The chapters are called: Lemons, Salt, Tequila. Cas and Jack also finally make appearances 😇

TBH: Finished up and ready to go up until 30. I still hate them. They keep sacrificing themselves and dying or do something insanely stupid. They won’t cooperate with me, but I’ve worked out quite a few kinks! 💪

PH: Finished until 18. Oooooooh, do I love writing this thing! Spoilers: Intense jealousy and anger management problems in parts 17 and 18. God, they’re idiots! Also, have I mentioned the smut in 13 and 14? 🔥 No? Well, there you go…

Planned Miniseries:

Cast Away: So excited for this one! It’s a hate to love, with one part already being piningly in love, and everything happens on a deserted island because of a stupid witch spell (haha cast away… Get it now? 😂). Also, there might be some Peter Pan elements in this. Be surprised (and if you send me an ask about it, I might send you snippets of the first part) 😉

Nothing’s Gonna Hurt You, Baby: This is actually a part two to a Jensen x Reader one-shot I did in June. I said back then that I want more of them, and I still do. This has been sitting in my drafts for months again. Edited so many times I can’t even count and still not finished. But I had one final idea on how to fix what I don’t like, so we’ll see. I’m quite happy with the direction it’s taking 🙃

Upcoming One-Shots:

Mercilessly: Demon!Dean x Soulmate!Reader fic. Not gonna spoil too much about it because it’s posting soon for a challenge 😈

Everything I Wanted: The alternate ending to On The Beach aka the one I deleted because it was depressing, angsty and devastating. Anyways, who wants their hearts to be broken? (Also, I titled it after the Billie Eilish song because the lyrics and video always make me fucking bawl my eyes out 😭)

[zmediaoutlet]

Happy wincest wednesday!

How do you think their relationship would have progressed if the events after s2 didn't happen (aka sam not dying and dean not dying)? would they always be as tight of a unit as they were in s2 or would sam eventually seek "independence" like he did when he went with ruby (or was that because of the demon blood)? Also do you think sam would've reacted to dean coming back to life differently (less cool about it) if he weren't using his powers but being "old sam"?

(does that make sense)

hello, hello, anonymous wincest friend! i know you sent this in plenty of time but it has Been A Week and so i'm just getting to it --

-- sidenote i know that wednesday is the day for wincest but i hope everyone feels thrilled to be wincesty on any day that we can manage, yes? yes. okay, so --

This is a really interesting question, friend anon. In a sense this is like -- imagine myself back in 2007 when people were writing early-years wincest, contextless, without the weight of the future and also without the weight of the deepened past that we got over the many years of actual canon information. That's really hard to do, haha! But I'll try, for wincest saturday. Although this is a two-part imagining, so, let's see-- let's take the second part first:

How would Sam have reacted to Dean coming back to life in s4 if he hadn't been using his powers?

Very interesting question. Part of the question inherent in that is: is he still working with Ruby? I think we might have to say no -- her whole job is to corrupt him with hubris, and how would she manage to cling on if she doesn't have the excuse of ""helping him"" by getting him to use his powers? So we'll imagine a world where -- whatever, Sam stabs her with her own knife when she shows up -- and that sobers him up a little from his grief spiral, and of course he's still trying to figure out a way to bring Dean back, and maybe he's still even looking for Lilith, but he hasn't spun off onto that path-of-good-intentions that made so many things go wrong in s4.

So -- Sam's still had a hard goddamn summer, but he's not got that early corruption set in. Maybe still talking to Bobby. And one day he opens up his motel room -- he ordered pizza and he's tired and his leads keep petering out -- and there's Dean, standing there, Bobby over his shoulder, and Sam's luck is never this good so of course it's a shapeshifter or a demon or a -- and of course, it is Dean, and that means -- it means --

I don't know if you'd be able to peel them apart, honestly. Bobby'd start getting uncomfortable. ...My 'stick to canon' heart is elbowing me to remind me of how in s6 when Sam got resouled, Dean was perfectly happy to go off and do a case without him, but I really do think this'd be different. Sam would have been operating on a possibly Mystery Spot-esque emptiness and lack of hope and Dean coming back pours light and color back into his life in a way that the demon blood/Ruby/corruption path he was on just didn't allow. Of course he was happy in canon to have Dean back, but killing Lilith had become the main goal that overshadowed Dean's return bc Ruby needed that to be true, and here it wouldn't be. And that just. Does a lot. If they hadn't already consummated the wincest, strong chance a first time would happen within that first month back.

What if Sam and Dean didn't die and instead just kept 'normally hunting', presumably still after avenging John & Mary by killing Azazel since those are the events of s2?

So this is yet another world. I suppose if Sam doesn't die that means that he's the 'winner' of the Special Kids olympics. Whether he opens the devil's gate or not, the trouble with Sam not dying means that Dean doesn't sell his soul, and if Dean doesn't sell his soul he can't go to hell as the righteous man who will start the apocalypse, which means Lilith doesn't get killed at the right time, which means that they aren't the vessels of angels and none of that terrible shit happens. And so, without all that...

If the apocalypse doesn't happen, and they're just hunting and cleaning up demons and getting on with their lives, I think... they break up. Not necessarily in a super sad way, and not even necessarily angry. But there's no reason for them to stick together, not really. Maybe Sam meets some girl, in some town. Maybe going back to college seems feasible. There'll always be another ghost, another werewolf, and the thing is that now we're past s2 and they know so many other hunters, it doesn't feel like the end of the world if they find a job and pass it on to someone else, you know? Hell, maybe Dean wants to settle down, slow down. He never was as bought in on the hunting as he actually seemed. But -- in the same way that I always hold firm to the opinion that they make themselves into soulmates -- without all the shitty, scary things that happen to them over the middle years -- their soulmate status isn't actually there. They're still tied together by history and love, but it's a thinner weaker connection than it would be in s5, s7, s11. So Sam goes back to law school. Dean opens his own roadhouse. They talk, they maybe even still go on hunts occasionally. They're good brothers. They aren't more.

Healthier, probably. More fun for me? Absolutely not, lol.

[gayofthefae]

I have spent the past weeks randomly, probably every Tuesday? seeing a massive inflow of posts about 911 from you and you've got me. It's happened, I'm here and I'm caving in and I'm asking what is this show?????

What is going on???????

Is this a supernatural magic type show? Is this just a normal drama about firefighters? Is this a slowburn romance show? What is going on, what is this, what is happening?

Who are these dudes I keep seeing on my dash and why do you love them so much lol?????????

Haha, happy to answer! They have the trauma levels of a supernatural show FOR SURE lmao but the show is called 9-1-1, it's a regular-world procedural drama about first responders, mainly focusing on a group of firefighters (but it also has a 911 dispatcher and a police sergeant). And it is VERY much a found family show.

The romance has not gone canon yet but it is VERY popularly shipped and widely believed that it will go canon (there are lots of in-show parallels to other couples on the show, queercoding, and subtext as well as just - unlike many past queerbaits - their general relationship being repeatedly plot central and above all: they have MOMENTUM). Overall, the two are very much treated as life partners by the show and its cast). (Of course, if you don't wanna risk it, I would understand).

I love them because I love a good slowburn, I love friends to lovers, and these two are just adorable in general. They are wonderfully communicative, attached at the hip, and they've built a sort of life together as life partners, like I said, frequently being treated like all other life partners (couples) on the show narratively as well as directly paralleling them (and even being the source of parallels the other couples make to them).

I can't really describe my love for them except by saying they're a hyperfixation, lol, but they check all the boxes of criteria for me to be one: slow burn, communicative, just generally adorable. It's just THE VIBES okay.

This show does a great job at fleshing out individual characters' and their trauma and arcs very well and the two are both wonderful individual people as well as incredibly complimentary in their personalities and mental health arcs (oh yeah, mental health arcs are a BIG thing with this one and they are incredibly supportive partners through it, although there is some angst it isn't contrived). So they really just have an ultimately very sweet and healthy relationship while simultaneously working through things like abandonment issues and such.

Really it's just -GAH!- [note: I want it to be known that I initially mistyped "gah" as "GAY!"]. As far as character arcs go. This ship is "man who wants to be loved x man who wants to allow himself to love". The general state right now is that "not knowing what you've been searching for has been slowly building and under your nose the whole time." Also, the really great general romantic thesis of the show is "you don't find [love], you make it" aka you find a person you're compatible with and then you choose every day to love them by putting in the work and grow with them.

tldr: They are incredibly complementary to one another's mental health arcs, they are a slow burn, they are best friends to lovers, they are life partners, they are communicative and great representation of healthy relationship behaviors not only when you're at your best (but still realistically flawed, just not to a contrived extent), and most importantly, they are just visibly happiest together (Eddie has repeatedly smiled immediately literally just from seeing Buck's face))

Also, if you start watching this show please tell me and post about it for entirely selfish reasons because I love living vicariously through people's first watches. (Warning though if you do watch: Eddie is not introduced until episode 1 of season 2, the 11th episode of the show)

To close out, here is my favorite gif of them:

[always-me-meha]

Sooo insanity has turned up abit.

Im tryna run a bath but the plug is hovering in circles or sliding 😵‍💫 I was like it's a puck! Curling rock! Ooooo..... ufo.

I know in reality it's not moving. But I see it and it is.....

Can one manage living with hallucinations while being self aware they are not there or i mean how as i see it???

⚠️Extremely long word vomit, dropping off topic constantly. Totally sound cooked haha I'm not.

I might put this to a test. I have a psychiatrist appointment on the 28th anyway if I lose it completely lololol

The goal is to manage my symptoms, aka hiding them from the 'real world, folks, friends, maybe bf. While also living with them face to face, haha inner self to self.

Like damn tumblr, get ready to be my crutch for the next two weeks. If I have to act normal infront of people, imma needa release lol.

Imma take notes of this shit going on in my head till I can piece it together and show the bf damn proof or at least a clear visual representing to EXPLAIN exactly what I'm seeing, and freaking out about and believing is fucking true.

As once again I struggle to put words to the knowledge in my head LMAO.

I kinda mentioned the show we watched last night, he didn't really act anything about it.

It's fucked in my head for me that's shit was intense like looking at a past life of ours or something front in of me in real life that other people can see lolol I thought he felt how I felt to watching it.

But nah, he didn't get it. Cool beans.... another Easter egg.

Fuck maybe I'm so sucked away from reality. Movies and tv shows feed my delusions, gives more beliefs, and theories made up in my head to be legit. they're an escape as well. To pointI can't just watch any old movie.... it actually has to catche my attention to the point I'm so attached to it like.... it fuels something inside me. I'm actually able to point the phone down and focus.

I donno where I was going with that. Convincing my self last night, that tv episode was just..... a fucking show. There's no real... idk what they are..... grrrr I don't wanna let this theory go. Never in my life have I seen a show like that, felt like my life.

Maybe it's cause we had a wicked intense make out session before he put it on and he made look me at the TV just as the guy and her started partying and hooking up all intensely like we were. So I was just feel all that grrrr fire I guess I donno dammit what's it called!!!!!

Just I can say I fell madly in heat hahahaha yet it feels like a fever dream now funny. weird. Maybe that's why I felt so focused to the TV lol cause it was 'us' at the moment. Then he looked like man. Black clothes. Piercings tattoos almost in the same spots. I look nothing like the bimbo lol but her lust for him and the way she starred at him is so me. They way they'd stay in bed or fuck everywhere lol I'm like shit balls we need to do that more. I think made the heat rise in the room even more lol

But I'mma pause here and put it on. I wanna list every 'Easter egg' I seen. Like I swear even tho it's based on that couple, we were meant to watch it cause it's like seeing who we are from another reality in away idk smh. Idk if meant to watch it general, but I think he was meant to show me it at that exact day and moment.

(Going off topic)

Timing is everything..... it's crazy what all in the world happens in one minute...... all these people in the world is doing everything and anything imaginable this very second. It's crazy to think about. Idk even know if yall get me there....

Example. I'm fucking still sitting on the side of this bathtub typing this lol someone else is typing accounting at their pc, another's gaming, ones picking his nose, a groups on yacht partying, ones picking up cans, driving somewhere, doing the dirty, making art, building towns, welding ships. Dancing the pole lol, creating glass art, you name it.

So fucking much going on in the world this very minuet..... well that last minuet plus now lol.

And I'm still here typing away habahaha I move to the bed least. Fuck chill girl, have a bath, lol why was I even thinking of the world just now.... hmm distraction to stay in the reality lane. Interesting.... masking symptoms!!!

But fuck yes that episode man!!!! Grrrr caige had to have felt at least something of it. Especially when the guy asked her to marry him.

He looked at me and said what would I say if I proved liked that lmfao I was like I'd be shy af cause you put me on the spot in a crowd lol but of course I'd say yes. Fuck intense perfect night..... but.....

I hate how he's hot and heavy. And then in the morning it's like meh. Snuggles. Wake up gotta go. No intensity, while I myself still have the energy inside me from it lmfao I donno the word for it... just for me it was a really good night tho I fucking got lost in that show. But I am crazy rn so guess it's different.

Fuck the guy even has has.... personal similarities other then looks and the attuide, give no fucks guy, as caige lol. Me and her not really besides I get really ditzy my self. When my smart, thinking meter disappeared wah. And just that obession over him!!!! The sexual fire ro devour him lolol at all times, everywhere.

But in our reality.... haha we old. Drugs took a beaten to uh body ..... i forgot the word dammit....., I will say no more lolol that's why you fucking make it the best you can in all ways, other then just popping it in, so old school lol haha

Heheheh gotta work for that moment lololol now I'm just talking sex here I'm sorry. But dammit I've been with to many hooks that were just BLAH. That it was all same man, just a stupid body counr rising.

So having sex with someone who loves you and building up to it is much for funner and better and just grrrr intense. (Don't forget I have hypersexuality lmfao bipolar emotions even more amped up) like he traced all over my body with a knife one time. Fucking different as hell ( I always loved him tracing with iPad pen sooo) but I was like I trust you and dark kinky hehehehe

Omg tho he spanked way to hard yesterday repeatedly 🥺🥺🥺 never done that to me before. I was like you supposed do that while I'm bent man lolol just a punishment wahhhhh like shit balls were a mix between just like intensity make out session and pressing against eachother as much as possible. To the biting and choking. Go from soft to idk rough hahahahah grrrrrr fuck Idk why I'm word vomiting all this.

Hey it gives you sex advise to please a women tbh especially one like me HAHA But I'm taken.

But dammit I can't get enough! for someone that wasn't satisfied for like ever hahahaha at least with him it's like fuck yes. Score hahahaha and I don't even have to take care of my self like some women secretly do after lol like WTF where has this man been all my life lol. Poor guys gotta maniac in love with him. So embarrassed he seen me this looney.

Deep down disappointed he didn't tell me to go to my step dad's in the condition I'm in. I think he thinks I'm just high. No bruh this the psychotic side slipping out lol not like murderer psychotic but idk just I say weird shit lol not like the 'earth is flat people' smh hahah like I've been trying to say this whole time. I

There is something here, nort sure exactly where or what, around us or idk .....

One version/theory i can of is like you can roll the sheet down infront of yours (think of sunglasses) and see things in way that idk..... you would never of thought of. Same plain of earth just different...... see what others don't see.

Which fucking doctors say HALLUNINCATIONS and blah blah, you crazy. Maybe maybe. But what if I wasn't and this shits true!!!! And it's fucking everyone else that's just blind. Almost like that movie the giver, how no one saw color, it was taken away, BUT IT WAS STILL THERE. Just had to see it.... not that third eye bullshit, lol or maybe? I quickly read that up for a sec....

I remember seeing posts on this one topic...I obviously forgot what it's called maybe all this confusion in my head is simply just that and many people know actually wtf I'm talking about in the mental health tumblr communiry lol but nah I don't think it's that hahaha just food for thought to had add to theory list. It'd be easy to accept that's what I'm seeing BUT NO

I refuse to accept that lol. This is deeper hrmph and it's been hitting me since 2020. Just flash backs of stuff I was 'believing'. How some of it connects to back then lol

Back then I knew in my head heaven and hell everyone's waiting for is exactly on this earth with them, it's where you choose to be of course or I guess think red dead redemption 2, that good or bad karma bar lol kinda leads you to the side your on. Many are in the grey area not knowing exactly where they stand. Or idk much about it or any of it. Just a theory that clicked to me back then (a belief, right now a theory lol) I guess some people born get the shitty dice roll again you may start at the bottom but you cam still get here. Some get a lucky roll and still end up on the other side, tho they had advantages. Don't ask me why dice is involved at all. Part of God's game? Creator? Whoever you believe in.

And hell and heaven is what you make it i guess to. Nothings the sane for everyone. So fucking weird man to think about. Almost like the show upload but without the fucking uploading part lol. Natural way of fuckin life hahaha

As spirits or souls go or do as the please! Like god damn we dont really know do we..... i believe they're real, even fuck.

Zombies could be real lmfao they are depressed empty people like myself ( in my long depression episodes that is ) just drag along life, not really here, maybe eat brains lolol jk naw that's straight cannibals. Anything in this world that scares me is that, mountain man cannibals.

Anywho I was told everything goes black when you die... naw no way. That's like Detroit become human the robots or whatever that would break through thw third wall to be there own.... indiviual with feelings and pain as humans. To not be controlled anymore and stand up for themselves, basically escape and be free cause they we're being mistreated and abused and lots were scared to die cause there'd be nothing? They didn't know what would happen.

I don't know why I compare to games or movies as examples haha makes it easier I think for some to understand who know the reference or so haha.

Oh shit time to take notes.

[steamishot]

funky

although there have been a lot of good moments this past month, i overall was in a funk. in hindsight, i was really disappointed with how the job search was going and a lot of my expectations going out the window. our plan of moving back in winter (aka now) looks more like summer of next year or later. i was in LA for three weeks and matt and i were semi-long distance. i felt really sad that after all these years of hard work, we were where we started: me in my parents house, him in a tiny apartment in NYC, and the future uncertain. i felt like we had nothing to show for all the years of sacrifice and it is embarrassing. also, being at home feels different recently. like there is some silent disappointment that we haven't moved back home yet and it keeps getting delayed (could be me projecting).

my ginger/headspace app from kaiser finally reactivated during a good time. i had a couple texting sessions with life coaches which were helpful. the main takeaway from this is that i became so tunnel-visioned on something that is essentially out of my control, and basically forgot to nurture all the things that are in my control. i felt like i had job search depression by extension. reading about how others were struggling to find a good job (and remembering that my own brother was unemployed for 8 months) helped me feel less alone. i am planning on doing therapy starting december since it is covered by kaiser when i'm in CA.

finally, i cried at least 6+ times in the last two weeks instead of holding it all in. i usually only cry a couple of times a year max. it felt very releasing, and i reminded myself it's okay to not be okay.

positive things

my cousin stephanie came to visit from TX and she slept over at my parent's house for 3 nights. it was so nice to get to know her a little bit more. i never felt close to her because she grew up a lot more americanized and i am naturally closed off, but there's also many commonalities by just being related. she and matt connected because they're both in healthcare. she joined us for hot yoga one day and was quite good

one of the days, my niece had a 102 fever. luckily, there were two healthcare professionals in the room. i went along with matt (MD) and stephanie (PA) to CVS to pick up an ear thermometer since we didn't have one at home

attended S&A's wedding. it was an intimate setting and the bride was gorgeous ;) got to finally meet the groom A and see J&O again after 3+ years. we really liked the succulents and food.

had a craft's day with G at her parent's house in east LA while watching twin flames and no hard feelings. we made felt ornaments that i later gave to my niece

went on a hike and ate dinner with matt's family at ho kee cafe.

got hai di lao and matcha with stephanie at westfiled santa anita. i gifted her my old coffee grinder, but my clumsy self broke the glass container at the last minute :/

had dinner at my aunt's house for veterans day. i got to see my baby cousin E who is taller now! i picked up cousin B from color guard practice. it was inspiring to see how hard these teenagers were working

as part of the long distance lifestyle, matt and i met up in norcal to celebrate his birthday. we stayed at alila ventana big sur and carmel valley ranch. alila, though beautiful, was TOO indulgent for me lol. due to it being all inclusive, we basically planned our days around eating at the same restaurant and i just felt meh and stuck. i much preferred our carmel valley ranch stay, where we were more active and got to explore the town

funny side note, we took a class called balance and fit at CVR and it turns out everyone in the class was at least 80 years old. the instructor was nice enough not to treat us differently haha

did a corepower sculpt class in redwood city before flying a red eye back to NYC

matt has an interview with USC next week. a few other places have responded: kaiser, UCLA, memorialcare and cedars. fingers crossed (but keeping expectations low)

i started watching abbott elementary and really enjoyed it. recently enjoyed the movie a million miles away. i also started playing chess on chess.com. this is me learning how to nurture other parts in my life i've been neglecting. i am literally learning resilience by playing chess. i have a tendency of not wanting to lose/fail, and rather give up than learning how to do better. but, here i am losing and continuing to try lol

thanksgiving: matt is on a hard rotation and it is his birthday on thanksgiving day. R&T mentioned hanging out but we haven't finalized plans yet. i have plans with T to watch marvels on friday.

black friday wishlist: manduka yoga mats, yogitoes yoga towels, breville bambino plus espresso machine to keep at my parent's house, fellow opus grinder (already purchased) and maybe a new kindle cover

note: life is much more enjoyable when i don't try and control everything. appreciate the here and now, because i might miss it once it's gone. having such rigid expectations will always leave me feeling disappointed. enjoy the journey as it is 70-80% of the process.

[loveislarryislove]

Halfway Home Check-in (2023)

I know this is over a month late because of who I am as a person but I still want to do it so shhhhh, a #HashtagGoals update for the year. I started this in June/July but wanted to make some “quick” progress on a few things first -- but then I was not quick oops. 

Numeric goals

Minimum goal: 5 fics and 50,000 words over the year

Aim goal: 12 fics (ideally at least 1 per month) and 80,000 words over the year

Ludicrous goal: 15 fics and 100,000 words over the year 

So far this year, I’ve posted 6 fics totaling about 35k, and I also have around 10k written on another three ongoing projects (edit: those numbers are from July 1st aka actually halfway through the year; now it’s more like 20k on four projects), so I’m definitely going to be fine on the minimum goal. I also have a couple of other fests I’m eyeing or ideas I might do -- and Wordplay is coming up, so that should also help boost the number of fics. I think in terms of number of fics, the Aim goal is totally doable and the Ludicrous goal is definitely plausible. It’s harder to predict word count-wise, since a lot of these upcoming fics are likely to be short, but we’ll see! 

15,000 lifetime kudos

222,222 lifetime hits

1,000 kudos on 2023 fics

10,000 hits on 2023 fics

ngl I don’t remember the numbers at the start of the year, so it’s hard for me to say exactly where I am on the lifetime goals, but they definitely seem in reach! I’m probably around halfway on most of these, which for halfway through the year is great -- and since Wordplay again is a huge boost, we should be good in the hood!

General goals

Tracking my writing

I’ve been doing this, and I love the graphs so much. Look how tasty!!!

I also was inspired by @larry-hiatus​ to make a spreadsheet of all my fics (77 and counting, it took a while haha) with various stats, and the graphs from that were also interesting! Apparently I write Louis POV twice as often as Harry, I switched hard from past tense to present tense in 2017, and I only have 10 fics with more than a few seconds of smut (8 of those written in the last two years). 

Beta-reading more

I’d say I’ve been medium at this. I’ve done some, and I’ve also recently signed up for a couple events as a beta! And I do some editing stuff for work purposes so I guess that could arguably count.

Reading-reading more (both fic and non-fic)

I regret to say that I have forgotten how to read and I literally don’t think I’ve read a book all year oops. Have devoured some fic though. Maybe I’ll read some books when I go on vacation next week. 

Branching out with what I write to explore new fandoms or fandoms I haven’t written for as much, or new pairings within familiar fandoms

The 6 fics so far are evenly split between three fandoms, though all fandoms I’ve written before. I may dabble around for Troped multifandom events, I signed up as a beta for a PJO event, and I’m trying to find a Shiall concept I like for The Show Fic Fest, so definitely still room to keep exploring and diversifying.

Replying to most comments – “all” isn’t always feasible for me, but I’ve been doing probably around 80% and I think that’s a decent proportion

It looks like I’m at around 60% so far this year, so I guess that means it’s time to go on a spree! (edit: those were July numbers again; now I’m at more like 75% which I’m pretty happy with!)

Make a podfic

Make a fic rec of some of my favourite fics

Make a cover for one (or more than one) of my old fics

I have done... none of these. Maybe someday lmao

Find the executive functioning to put my Wordplay and Troped fics into series

Come up and implement a generic AO3 pseud for my non-Larry non-critrole fics and sort those around

I did both of these this week! The pseud part was actually embarrassingly easy, you can mass-edit what pseud something is under so it took like two minutes. The series part was more effort but it’s done now :) I was procrastinating making this post until then and I don’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing haha

Come up with and implement sort of Replying To Old Comments Project so I feel like less of a doof replying to comments from like… five years ago

Still want to, still haven’t.

See you in five months for final results!