#ahh I'm afraid to post this

[r0-boat]

Von Lycaon eating pussy

I'm sorry

Cw: NSFW, AFAB!reader.

Summary: based off of my last post of hired Butler and bodyguard Lycaon

"are you stressed young Master?" The cold husky tone of your bodyguard cuts your concentration as he gently places a cup of warm tea on your desk. Your eyes have been staring at a white paper for so long You had to rub them before looking up.

You sigh the grimace on your face was imminent of your displeasure.

"I just been working on these papers I want to get them done soon but... It's been a couple hours now and I can't focus." You are always vulnerable with him and like always he is willing to listen but this time He had something different in mind.

"pardon me if I make a suggestion perhaps I could help you de-stress?" You swore you saw his tail twitch his lips twitch up word as well. At first you thought he was just going to nag or something but little did you know. He had something different in mind.

"What is it?" You said giving him the go-ahead. Your heart stopped in your chest as he turns the chair around for you to face him towering over your smaller form before he gets on his knees His soft fingers delicately tracing over your skin before holding onto your legs forcing them apart.

"Wh-Woah woah! Hold on What are you doing?!"You felt heat flushed to your face You can't lie in saying that you hadn't done things with him before but this??? In the office???

And that's when you saw it, It was a small yet wolfish smile. "You've always told me that I need to 'be more wild' to 'have some fun' as well as 'bend the rules'"this guy... Sounds like he's mocking you. You grit your teeth but couldn't hold up your gas when you felt his tongue lick your bare thigh as he slowly begins to pull down the rest of your garments.

"I think this is more than bending the ahh~."

And with that his tongue licked against your folds.

Lycaon hummed tasting the sweet arousal on his tongue "Delicious. I don't mind having you as my meal tonight."

The way he was speaking so elegant yet so lewd and that damn smile now showing glimpses of his sharp teeth. Which he had noticed.

"Don't worry master I'll watch my teeth, I'll be gentle. Thank you for the meal."

He growls before diving back between your legs. His tail was thumping against the ground but he didn't care His ears twitching has he tries not to dig his claws into your flesh thighs as he struggles to go deeper with his tongue.

When his thumb presses against your clit you tilt your head back It took everything in you to hold back your noises Your thighs trying to close onto his head but he was far stronger than you holding you completely still practically pinning you to the chair. He was not only deeply engrossed in your wet sweet folds but also your pleasure. He tried not to play with your wet pussy too much with his fingers afraid his sharp claws but he touched you just enough for you to squirm.

Part of him wanted to tease you. To withheld pleasure until you beg, But you've been good doing your work all on your own you deserve a break, You deserve a reward.

When you clenched around his tongue trying to grind your hips against his face He knew you were close. Your hands and tangled in his fur grabbing and pulling him rather roughly You hear growl coming from him a sound you have never heard him make before your whole world shifts You stare at the ceiling your back against the seat He lifts your legs up His shaky breath against you.

"cum." He growls "Cum for me."

He didn't have to tell you twice as you came all over his tongue he tasted every sweet bit of you.

As you laid their panting he scooped you up putting you back on the chair taking out handkerchief from his coat pocket wiping his mouth dry.

"Oh my it looks like you're even more exhausted I'll draw a bath for you." Lycaon smiles before leaving the room leaving you in a daze. His tail swishing side to side on his way out.

"I shall come back once a hot bath is ready for you."

[girlbossagenda]

HOW TO ROMANTICIZE YOUR SUMMER!!

Ahh, Summer time, my favorite time of the year, it's nearly summer and you still can't figure out what you want to do right? But do not be afraid I'm here to guide you into the best summer of your life! So get comfy, read and let's get started!

୨୧Make a summer bucket list୨୧

This is such a cute trend that I saw on TikTok! Try to create a list of activities or experiences that you want to do this summer(like having a new summer fling, go to the carnival, go on a car road with your friend etc...)

୨୧Scrapbook your summer୨୧

There are so many inspo on pinterest, and it's a great way to spurge your creativity and to immortalize your memories, works great if you aren't the type of person to write daily entries in a diary, if you can't print pictures, draw them!

୨୧Make room diy୨୧

This can help you enter more in the summer feelings, and it's a great way to boost your creativity, if you can go to the beach get some seashells and make a candle and so much more! A good exaple of a great summer diy it's a bikini box!

୨୧Go on a random adventurer୨୧

If you're like me and you always stay indoor try to explore part of your town that you have yet to discover, especially places in nature! Since they tend to be free, if your city it's big enough go to the periphery as they are usually full of forests and abandonated places!

Hi bonitas! It's been a while since I posted, since summer ir's near I wanted to make a guide on how to romanticize your summer! I hope this was entertaining and maybe useful lol xoxo gorgeous

-𝓐

[zephyrchama]

Hiya! (don't mind, this is just a personal ramble)

So! One year ago as of yesterday, I posted my very first fanfiction ever. It wasn't a totally novel idea for the fandom, but I was so anxious about it that I remember the exact date and time it was posted. I nervously worked on the fic for several days and then made this account so nobody would ever find out I made it. This blog was going to be the hidden secret indulgence of someone who was ashamed to post fanfiction.

To my incredible shock, the post didn't go ignored. In fact, it got notes! And now thanks to all of you lovely people for your amazingly wonderful support over the past year, I've turned into an unstoppable fanfic monster.

(I've said it several times but I do 100% intend to get to my ask requests ahh. I'm sorry to those who have sent things in and gone unanswered, I'm afraid of disappointing you with a bad response. Those of you who send in nice words, I hoard those like a praise-hoarding dragon so thank you. I want to get to my asks. Aahh.)

For my one year blogiversary, I intended to post a much-requested sequel/side character version of my first post. Unfortunately, I've been far busier than expected and haven't had time to make posts, so it'll be delayed. There are some really cool projects I'm involved in that I want to give my best effort in. They're currently taking priority, and this time of year I always get caught up in cosplay making.

So, while this is far from the anniversary post I wanted to make, I wanted to say: thanks for stickin' around with me, and I hope anyone reading this will continue to support Obey Me! with me! I had always been discouraged from writing fanfic, so to be welcomed by such a lovely community was incredibly wonderful. Thank you.

I don't know if that anniversary post will be my next one, or if I'll get the itch to write something shorter and post that first, but there's so much I have to finish and so much I want to write that I won't be running out of ideas any time soon.

Thanks for reading! Happy this blog's anniversary to you!

[acealonsowrites]

Subaru Mini Fic

My first official post on Tumblr AHH! So, true to my bio, I am a writer but I've never written fan fiction so please bear with me. I've been playing Tokyo Debunker for about a month or so now and I've had some headcanons and fic ideas just itching at my brain that I can no longer suppress. So I'll stop my yapping and let y'all get on to the story.

Pairing: MC/Reader x Subaru Kagami

Tags: SFW. Slight-ish(?) angst, misunderstanding, Subaru's all-around oblivious. Sorta mean Frostheim gen students. Ends in fluff.

Summary: When Subaru receives a confession letter asking him to meet up in person, all signs point to it being from you. Unsure of his feelings, Haku and Zenji encourage him to go for it, but will you be the one to show up at the Ethereal Spring?

It was another misty day in Hotarubi when you set foot into the all-too-familiar Japanese garden. The rain lightly dusted your face as you made your way to the front steps. You hadn't actually expected to visit Hotarubi today so your umbrella was still tucked away into some forgotten corner of your closet. Upon entering, you were met with a few lingering general students. They took the time to bow and greet you properly before going about their day, most likely on their way to their afternoon classes. You finally caught sight of the vice-captain, Haku, standing in the corridor right in front of what you had come to know as the reception room. His slitted eyes met yours, clearly as surprised to see you as you were to be there. He waved you over, opening the door to the reception room and waiting for you to walk in.

"Ah, MC. I didn't know you were coming over today. Is it another mission or did you just miss me?" He wordlessly handed you a towel, ushering you to sit down and dry yourself. His hands worked fast to prepare tea and sweets for the both of you. You ruffled through your bag, so focused on finding that envelope you missed Haku's question. "So, what brings you to Hotarubi, MC," he tried once more for your attention.

"Oh, sorry," you apologized as you finally felt your hands graze a papery texture far thicker than the other slips of discarded mission assignments and study guides that were scattered along your bag. "Mail delivery!"

Haku stared at the letter in your hands as he set two plates in front of you, one holding your tea and the other Haku's sweet pick of the day which happened to resemble the mochi he had served you on your first day at Hotarubi. "Seriously? They're really making you work hard, huh? I didn't realize that was part of your job as inspector."

"Neither did I," you said as an aside, "but this wasn't a Darkwick assignment. More like a general student pulled me aside to do this for her. I don't remember for sure but I think she was from Frostheim...," you trailed off as you took a bite of the mochi, a slight hint of caramel entering your mouth. "This is delicious, Haku, thank you! Anyways, where's Zenji and Subaru? I was sure my entrance would be accompanied by the sound of a biwa."

Haku leaned his chin on his hand, his elbow propped on the table in front of his own teacup. "Subaru should be somewhere around here, probably in his room, but I've already sent him a message on WickChat to let him know you're here. I'm sure he's rushing to come greet you as we speak. As for Zenji, I haven't seen him in about an hour but I remember him saying something about going to the lake for some inspiration. So, who's the letter for?" He pointed at the blank envelope, now resting near your hand. You paused, wracking your brain for a second.

"Oh! I was in such a rush to get here I forgot to address it. But, if I remember correctly, it's for Subaru."

Just then, Subaru opened the door to the reception room. Unlike your first time in Hotarubi, the captain was wearing his Darkwick uniform. You were pretty sure he must have had morning classes. "Oh good, MC, you're still here. I was afraid I'd miss you." You exchanged bows as he sat across from you next to Haku. After watching him politely accept Haku's offer for tea, you perked up and handed him the letter.

"Here you go, Subaru. This letter's for you."

"Thank you, MC. May I ask who it's from?"

At this, you froze. Your hands idly cradled your teacup before bringing it to your lips. "This is a bit embarrassing but I didn't actually get her name. In my defense, it didn't really seem like she wanted to tell me, but still, I have no excuse, I'm sorry." You bowed your head, feeling a small blush spreading through your cheeks. "I can at least tell you that it was a general student from Frostheim, though."

"Please, don't apologize. I'm sure I can figure out who it's from. Thank you for bringing it to me, MC." The actor's eyes flitted across your face, hesitating before his next words. "I really admire how hard you're working. Not just for Darkwick or us ghouls, but the general students too. I just hope you're taking care of yourself. You really shouldn't be coming to Hotarubi without an umbrella." He pointed to the towel around your neck. Your hair was still noticeably damp from the rain.

You smiled and stood up just as Haku returned with Subaru's tea. Haku gently took the towel from around your neck and started stroking your hair with it, his thumbs lightly massaging your temple. "There, see? She'll be fine." He smiled at his captain, who returned it with a shy gaze of his own, before turning to you. "But he is kinda right, you know? You've got to put yourself first sometimes."

"I know, Haku, thank you." You waited for him to finish rustling your hair until he took back the towel, resting it on his forearm. "I should really get going, though. Please tell Zenji I say hi." With that, you gathered your stuff and moved to leave.

"Wait, please, MC!" You looked back at Subaru as he was rushing to stand up. "Please take my umbrella."

"I appreciate the offer, Subaru, but then I'd have to bring two on my next visit." You rubbed your neck sheepishly, a small grin on your face as you assessed his worry.

"Then you can keep it! Really, I have too many. And I don't want you getting sick with the rain. Please." His velvety eyes stared into yours, a small plea hidden in them. Something inside you told you he wasn't going to take no for an answer.

"Very well, then. Thank you, Subaru. But I insist on bringing it back to you." He clearly noted your own stubbornness, humming in a hesitant understanding.

"By the way, I'm having lunch with Lyca tomorrow. Would you like to join us? We're planning to order at Sho's and eat at the terrace so you could meet us at the food truck. Or, sorry, of course you can get whatever you want if you feel like getting something at the campus store or the cafeteria and meet us at the terrace instead. Or would you prefer eating elsewhere?"

You decided to cut his rambling short, knowing that it would probably continue otherwise, and smiled at him. "Subaru, it's okay. I'd love to have lunch with you and Lyca. I'll meet you at Sho's."

The brunette gazed at you with wide eyes before smiling back at you, bowing his head. "Thank you." You weren't sure why he was thanking you. And to be completely honest, you didn't think he knew either. Nevertheless you accepted it with a nod and left.

"Well, that was something," Haku said as Subaru reclaimed his seat next to him. The actor sighed wistfully, taking a sip of his tea.

"I hope they get back okay."

Haku sized him up with a playful smirk. "You want to open that letter now? The suspense is killing me."

Subaru looked down to where the envelope sat at the table, taking it into his gloved hands. He carefully slid his thumb under the envelopes seal, opening it without a tear. He looked back up at his vice-captain through his lashes. "Are you just going to watch me read it?"

"Yep, pretty much."

With that, Subaru took the letter out, his eyes scanning the sheet and his cheeks burning more and more with every word he read. Haku assessed Subaru's reaction, the actor shrinking back ever-so-slightly with evident shyness. By the time he was done reading, Subaru was completely avoiding Haku's gaze, his hand coming up to cover his face.

"Oh? Now this is getting interesting. What was in that letter, Subaru?"

"Oh, heavens!" A voice came booming from behind Subaru. "Well, I do say love is in the air! Two hearts blossoming on the branch of destiny!"

Subaru looked over his shoulder just as Zenji had finished reading the letter. The taller man bolstered, prancing about with his hands to his chest.

"Ah, there you are Zenji," Haku said.

"My heart swells with the deepest joy for you, my friend. Now tell me, who is this person whom you've thoroughly ensnared with your charm."

"Well unless it says it in the actual letter, MC said they didn't get the girl's name." Haku took a sip of his tea, enjoying the scene before him as Zenji's eccentricity was beginning to overwhelm an embarrassed Subaru.

"Our dear honor student was here and nobody cared to tell me?! Oh-" Zenji paused in thought, uncharacteristically silent as the other two watched him intently. Suddenly, he raised his hands in the air, his tone impossibly more flowery than before. "I get it now! What better stroke of inspiration than two of your dearest friends falling in love! Subaru, you have my full support in this new courtship with our lovely MC!"

Subaru's cheeks, tinted a graceful pink, began to burn hotter at Zenji's implication. "Excuse me, Zenji, but what do you mean? MC just came to deliver it."

Haku let out a pensive hum. "You know, I didn't even think about that but..."

"Haku, you don't really think that this is from MC, do you?" The actor now cupped his face with both hands, this new possibility running through his mind.

"Would you mind if I read the letter?" With that, Subaru handed the paper over to his vice-captain. Haku skimmed it before looking back at the brunette assuredly. "Just as I thought, no name on the actual note." Subaru nodded as Haku stroked his chin in thought, his eyebrows scrunching above his slitted eyes. "And they want you to meet them tomorrow at the Ethereal Spring for a proper confession..."

"So, do you think it could be MC?" Subaru questioned.

"It's very likely. They could have made up a cover-up story about a general student. Maybe they were too shy to claim ownership over it in front of me. They clearly want to meet you alone tomorrow." Haku watched Subaru avert his eyes once more, a frown shining through a crack between his hands. "How would you feel if it was MC? Or I guess a better question would be: how do you feel about MC?"

The actor's eyes drooped, closing for a second before responding, "I...I don't know."

"Oh poor thing, they'll be heartbroken if you reject them. But I suppose it cannot be helped if you do not feel the same," Zenji spoke up once more.

"Reject?" Subaru looked to Zenji quizzically. That thought hadn't really reached the actor's mind yet as a possibility. Rejecting MC felt almost unthinkable. It left a sour taste in his mouth.

"Well," Haku started, "Zenji's right. If you don't feel the same about MC, you're gonna have to reject them. And I know you can be shy but don't even think about not showing up. I won't let you. Whatever you decide I'll support, but come what may, you'll be going to the Ethereal Spring tomorrow."

Uhhh...yeah that's a fic, I think? One that's definitely NOT proofread, at least. Decided to stop here but I already have what would be a part two in my head so let me know if a part two is wanted? Maybe? Okay bye, love you!

[genericpuff]

Was your Kore/Persephone portrayal inspired by dissociative disorders? I interpreted it more as her dark internal monologue that she was suppressing. Like when you have dark thoughts of know things inherently, but try to rationalize your way out of thinking them. I figured it was just a more dramatic way of portraying intrusive thoughts.

Ahh this isn't really a question I can answer with a simple "yes" or "no". Especially when considering everything you just listed are often inherently symptoms of many interlinked mental disorders like DID and BPD haha (especially when it comes to the suppressing).

As I mentioned in my previous post I've been writing these types of characters for years. Uzuki is a big one that comes to mind. I love writing conflicts of the self, mind vs. reality, identity vs. instinct, past vs. present, etc.

CW: BLOOD/GORE, GRAPHIC VIOLENCE, DEPICTION OF TRAUMATIC BREAKDOWNS AND DISSOCIATION AHEAD!!!

(note the black and grey pages are read right to left like a manga, this was from my weeb days LOL)

It wasn't until years later after I was diagnosed with ADHD and autism that I realized my love for those tropes was rooted in something far more internal. Sure, sometimes a trope is just a trope, but now I fully understand why I've found myself pulled back to that trope time and time again, because I myself have struggled with a lot of the same internal conflicts that characters like Uzuki and Kore have struggled with. It wasn't just me loving a trope, it was me finding solidarity and representation in characters who shared my experiences, even if they were largely hypothetical or for the sake of creative expression.

That realization came long before Rekindled, of course, but it hit me like a sack of bricks when it did, as any realization of an undiagnosed disorder tends to do after years of thinking you're just "broken". That said, it's allowed me to explore these topics with even more nuance and understanding, while also pointing out my own weaknesses and blind spots in the pre-conceived notions I had about myself that I was then able to challenge once I knew what was really going on. It was still challenging as it was so personal, but it ultimately made me a stronger person and a stronger writer.

Skip to the future though with Rekindled, everything I just explained is why I was so interested in LO's AoW plotline to begin with, because a lot of it played to my own interests in those sorts of characterizations - consequently, it was one of the plotlines I wanted to overhaul the most when I started coming up with the basis for Rekindled, as I was disappointed that it was forgotten about over the course of S2 and completely retconned by the trial arc. In a weird way, it almost feels like all the time I spent working with characters like Uzuki was preparing me for a character like Kore/Persephone. And conversely, writing about Kore/Persephone has helped me harness my skills more which I can take back with me when it comes time to continue Uzuki's story.

All that said, mental disorders and neurodiversity were never "inspiration" to me when I was learning how to write and/or designing these characters, but that didn't make them any less intersectional. It was more like something that just came naturally to me as someone who is neurotypical and has diagnosed mental disorders (I am my own worst inspirations LOL) and I wanted more characters like that who weren't just automatically "villains". I try to always treat them with care to ensure that I'm being kind to both the characters as well as myself as someone who heavily relates to these experiences, but I'm also not really afraid to express the more "ugly" sides of those experiences either. Especially with characters like Uzuki who are largely problematic to their core in their actions - much of those actions, as I would learn about myself in my own healing journey as well, are often spurred on by a lack of care, empathy, and understanding in their unique struggles.

There is so much I'd love to say about Kore and Persephone's characterizations and what led them to this point, but I got about a paragraph in before realizing that it would be WAY too massive of a spoiler LOL I'm really, really excited to get into it - though nervous too - but I hope that, at the very least, readers can have patience for her as she goes through everything that's on the horizon. There are times it may get ugly, even outright bleak, but that is simply one side of the coin that represents her duality as a goddess - the dreaded Bringer of Destruction, and the merciful Goddess of Spring.

[jamimix]

Nothing to Fear

Yandere Sans!Undertale x Reader

This is so random (●v●) I'm not in the fandom anymore. But since @iloveartaaa said pls, I'mma just post it.

Also, this was made some time in 2019(?) so it's not gonna be that well-written. Didn't proof read this either so...

Warnings: Mentions of killing, Stalking

It's already midnight when you stepped out of your workplace, tired and wanting to go home. Luckily, it's only 15 minutes away from your house if you take the right shortcuts. Though, you still felt annoyed at having stay out this late.

Blame goes to your stupid coworker who kept getting you in trouble.

As you walked, you couldn't help but feel as if you're being watched, a bit of paranoia getting to you. You would've ignored it, but your gut says that this probably isn't from your usual stalker.

Ahh yes, your stalker. You knew of him too, quite close to him in fact. But you never really minded, felt safer to have at least someone watching over you to make sure you're safe. And he only ever stalked you when you're outside, so it's fine.

Though, of course, he doesn't know that you know.

Turning a corner, you suddenly hear a scream from where you were. Curious, you turned back to the corner and took a peek.

And then you quickly turned around and walked away from the... disturbing scene.

Ignoring it with the thought of just going home. You felt like you should be shocked, disgusted, or even afraid. But honestly? You're not even shaken from what you saw.

You knew from the moment that you caught each others gaze that he's not as -for the lack of a better word- stable as he seems. And the fact that he's a stalker, well... that doesn't really scream sane, does it?

Sans has always been...something.

You're not sure if he knew that you saw, ('he does' your mind supplies.) but right now, your main course of actions is to really just go home. This has been quite a bothersome day.

-------------------------------------------------

Why are you not surprised that he's already at your home? The lights are off, the only way that you knew of him being here is because of his glowing eyelights. You held back an annoyed sigh as you stare back at him through the dark.

"What are you doing here, Sans?" You say, breaking the silence. Though, he chose to remain silent, just watching you. You rolled your eyes at him and looked towards where the light switch should be.

You moved towards it, but before you could, you suddenly found yourself in an almost bone-crushing embrace of the skeleton. Trying to pull away was fruitless, as he only tighten his grip, leaving you gasping a bit for air.

You sighed annoyed and then grimaced as you inhaled the stench of iron.

"....you need bath" you grumbled, face squished on his hoodie making your words come out as a mumble. He heard it anyways, the surprised chuckle says so.

"Of all things..." You hear him say, more to himself, in surprise.

Another silence then enveloped you both. Not uncomfortable, yet not comfortable either. Well, that's what you think the atmosphere felt like. You're legs are kinda getting a bit too tired, so you let yourself go limp, closing your eyes in the process.

Surprised (again), Sans adjusted his hold on you so that you wouldn't fall. A part of him worried, thinking that you suddenly just passed out. But a large part of him is quite giddy to have you in his arms.

Now holding you bridestyle, he couldn't help but grin wider with the already permanent smile on his face. He's not sure why you're not screaming and trying to get away from him, but he's not going to complain about it. This is basically saying that you're accepting him for who he is.

This is a blessing.

He couldn't help the laughter that came out at the thought. From the Underground, he and all of the other monsters, with the help of a human child, got out. The humans on the surface welcomed them with open arms, an 'apology' for the years of imprisonment.

When he and Papyrus moved here at the surface, he met you. The moment he saw you, it was like love at first sight. He was smitten.

It was then that he followed you around. Even became close friends with you just so he could have an excuse to hang out. And then now, even after getting caught killing someone, you seemed fine with it, with him.

He sure is lucky, isn't he?

But his expression darken when his thoughts went to the resets that he had gone through. No matter how many times that Frisk apologized, it can never fix what's been broken.

A sudden tap to his cheek brought him back from his thoughts. Looking down, he sees you staring at him with a questioning gaze.

"You 'kay?" He beamed at your worry, eyelights turning to heart shapes.

"S'nothin'" He says to you, holding you closer to him as he nuzzle his face to yours. You fluster at the action, but didn't do anything to stop him, merely letting him do what he wants.

Safe to say that, he'll N E V E R let you go.

-------------------------------------------------

I cringe at my past self. my writing sucks.

[okay-babe]

Dottie!! I just saw your post about preview requests and I'm frothing at the mouth excited rn :))))

Is there any chance you've got a preview to share of that southern gothic inspired fic you've talked a little bit about? I've been excited about it since you ran the poll for it weeks ago!

Ahh! Tysm, I am in love with ur writing!!!

The Hard Part - An Alastor x Reader Series Preview

synopsis: Sometimes, the decisions we make in life come back to haunt us even in death, and in this series, our reader learns the hard way that deals made with a beating heart must be tended to, even when the flesh has long since grown cold... tags: alastor x fem! reader, established relationship, alastor and reader are married, angst, childhood friends to lovers to wannabe strangers to ?, mentions of illness, mentions of discomfort note: Oh my gosh, Anon 😭 catch me openly weeping over how sweet this ask is, you're too cute! I have so much in store for this southern gothic series I'm doing (though we won't be able to get into that vibe too much until around part 2, unfortunately) and am so so excited to share it with everyone soon! Here's a little taste of what we've got going on so far :) For anyone who has an interest in learning more about this fic, feel free to check out some of the info about it here.

With a start, you shot up in your bed, hand clutched tightly to your chest.

From the depths of your stomach, you felt bile rise, nails digging into your flesh to help fight off the sensation of stifling nausea and chills.

This was hell. Literally and figuratively.

All around you, the air felt stifling and almost impossible to breathe, your lungs wheezing with effort at each futile attempt at an inhale.

"Everythin' alright in there, sweetheart?" A familiar voice called out to you from behind your bedroom door, the cheery tone unsuccessfully hiding the edge of concern that could be heard there.

You gasped around the growing lump in your throat, the strangled sound that followed just loud enough to be heard beyond your walls in spite of how hard you tried to keep yourself quiet.

You hated this part, the helplessness and anguish of it all always made worse by the fact that you were almost never allowed to just go it alone.

There was always a witness to your suffering, someone to see you crumble to pieces before their very eyes.

Your heart lurched uncomfortably within your chest as the door flew open just as you knew it would, the small woman standing on the other side standing there with shadowed and fearful eyes.

She hated this part just as much as you did, but you supposed in a few ways she might have even had it worse.

What in hell would she do if you died under her less than watchful eye?

How could she move on?

What would she ever tell your husband?

"Aw shit, doll..."

She muttered under her breath, the panic in her expression enough to make you wish it were possible to console her around the choking mass in your lungs.

She hadn't signed up for all of this, at least not entirely willingly.

It broke your heart to see her so very afraid for you, your life half clasped within her own typically careless hands.

"It's gonna be alright, I'm here."

[mixtapedoh]

ahh idk if you’re still doing the concept moodboards but if you still are, may i request junhui + fake relationship or secretly dating au? thank uuu <3

olive notes: hi jen! i am still doing the moodboards ♡. also, yesterday i saw that the fic i wrote for you didn't post but went to my drafts instead??? genuinely, wtf, i'm so sorry that happened, and i'm going to post it tomorrow 😭😭😭.

⋰˚☆ wen junhui x secret dating! au . . .

"if your advice is to be so trusted, why aren't you in a relationship, jun?"

a sigh. immediately followed by a snort from you and inspired laughter from shua, who was never one to be afraid at finding enjoyment in his own jokes, of course, but a sigh all the same and a roll of his eyes. shua was asking for his opinion, was he not?

"yeah, junnie" — and your eyes sparkled with something infectious, like to coax a grin out of anyone you hoped to conspire with, barring, of course, someone with a willpower as strong as him — "why aren't you in a relationship?"

the man in question nudged you playfully and you leaned into the sway, silent laughter still coloring your breathing, fading and impressionistic, inspiring anyone with a desire for more.

"first i'd have to get rid of you. scaring everyone off."

and the conversation drifted from there. eventually, you all finished your meals and played the game of 'i've got the bill!' 'no; i'll pay." 'really, i owe you from last time.' and once you were all sufficiently fed and satisfied with your dance of politeness, you parted ways — joshua had to go help jeonghan with something or another, and you were easy to make an excuse of needing to run some errands. jun offered to accompany you, shua left with advice and more than enough mirth to fill his week, and that was seemingly the end of your little lunch date get-together.

it was when shua was confirmed gone that the true teasing begun.

"poor little junnie; all this affection, but no one to spoil."

"poor little (n/n), with all this teasing, but no one endeared enough to receive it."

you scoffed, and jun pulled you to the inside of the sidewalk, his fingers lacing with yours. you brought your intertwined hands to your lips to kiss them, and the two of you kept walking, indeed stopping at the supermarket like you'd told shua you would.

there was no real reason, truly, why you had jun had been dating for the last 4 months but hiding it from everyone else. just a 'why not?' sentiment that filled the both of you with giddy laughter — a silly secret that gave you an inexplicable rush. because kissing jun for the first time in the middle of his living room had been so addicting, and then immediately having to play it off afterward, when woozi walked in, oblivious to the encounter that had taken place while he was in the kitchen, had been even more exciting.

and then playing off the teasing that hoshi always entertained, trying to thoroughly convince the ever watching eyes of hao... it was a simple thrill, a cheap enjoyment. seungkwan had almost been the unfortunate friend to stumble upon your clandestine love-affair more than once, and the way that jun stumbled over the awkwardness of being near-caught would never fail to be wholly adorable and a silly kind of charming that made these first experiences between you all the more entertaining. why not? you already had your cake, why not indulge in the feeling and eat it, too?

and jun was so lenient with your every desire, in no small part due to the fact that he enjoyed the exhilaration of it, too.

after all — he thought as he came up behind you to grab a package of ramyeon off the shelf and, sticking it in the basket you held, rested his chin on your shoulder only to receive a peck on the cheek from you, absent minded, but offhandedly pulled from the deep well of where your affection for him resided — having a secret with you was all he'd wanted for longer than you could possibly know.

send me an idol + a concept & i’ll give you a little moodboard & blurb

[mrsmikaelsxn]

ABBA Marathon

masterlist

pairing: father sirius black x daughter reader

warnings: like one curse word, tooth rotting fluff, sirius being an icon, literally just a very fun read that i hope has you smiling in your bed

summary: you meet sirius, play chess with sirius, and have an abba singing and dance party with sirius (sirius meeting his daughter post azkaban - requested by anon)

a/n: im so obsessed with this idk i wish sirius was my dad, also sorry this has been in my inbox for so long

song: waterloo - abba

Being Sirius Black's daughter was quite tiring. But also thrilling. Especially since it was your third year when he escaped Azkaban.

Your best friends are Harry, Hermione, and Ron. You couldn't have asked for better ones.

With the rumors of Sirius coming after you and Harry, people had been cold towards you because of your father, not that you could control who your father was.

Right now you were outside, taking a walk in some fresh air. Suddenly a dog comes up to you and barks once. "Why, hello there," you coo and bend down. The dog happily wags his tail and jumps onto her. "Aww, you're so cute!" 

You pet the dog, who leans into your hand. "You are very skinny," you frowned. "Follow me, I'm sure Hagrid has some food I can give you." 

As you two head down, you get near the Whomping Willow. As you pass by, the dog suddenly spins and before you could blink the dog was biting your pants, tugging you to the tree. 

"Um, excuse me, Mr. Dog, but these are new pants." You then get very close to the tree, "Er- I don't think this is a good idea," you say nervously as the branches of the tree start to move. 

The dog looks up in alert and quickly tugs you into some type of hole that they slid down into. "Ah!" The dog jumps up and pulls on your pants again. "Where are we going?"

Finally, you come into an empty abandoned room. "What is this place..."

You walk over and pick up a dusted book, blowing on the cover before putting it back down. You turn around and her eyes go wider than they've ever been. "AHH!" you scream.

"AHH!" 

"AHH!"

"SHH!"  

You cover your mouth and stare at the one and only Sirius Black.

Your father.

"What the fuck," you whisper to yourself. "Oh my Merlin, I'm too young to die! I- I haven't gotten to slap Malfoy yet, I haven't been able to prank Snape! I ha-"

"Prank Snape?" Sirius pipes up. 

"I'm going to die. Oh, Godric," you pace while frantically whispering to yourself. "I'm in the same room with Sirius Black, alone."

He frowns at being called by his name instead of Dad, which it should be.

"Relax, love, I'm not going to kill you."

You spin and face the man, "You're not?"

"No."

"Then why am I here? For giggles and a tea party?"

"One, you're about to find out. Two, I don't like tea," Sirius makes a face. 

"Huh, me neither. Now, go on, tell me why I'm in an abandoned room with an escaped convicted murderer," you cross your arms. 

"I'm not a murderer. I'm innocent, I swear."

You narrow her eyes, "How so?"

"Well, it started when I first got to Hogwarts..."

You wipe the tears from under your eyes, "That is the saddest thing I have ever heard."

Sirius waves his hand, "Now that you know what happened, you believe me right?"

"Of course!" You throw her arms around the man, who relaxes into his daughters hold. It's been a long time since he has had human contact.

"Unfortunately, I'm afraid you can't tell anyone about me just yet."

"Why?! If I tell them you're inno-"

He smiles sadly, "I'm not so sure they would believe you."

"But-" Sirius shakes his head. You sigh, "Well, are you going to be staying here?"

He nods, "I guess. It's a bit dirty though, if you ask me."

"I can fix that," you grin. He raises his eyebrows in curiosity. You takes out your wand and flick it. The room starts moving and the dust all collects together before flying out the window. The furniture vanishes and new ones appear. Pictures form on the wall and the room cleans up into a brand new, clean room.

"Wow, impressive. Thank you," Sirius says. You nod and flick your wrist again. In the blink of an eye, Sirius is freshly cleaned and looks well taken care of. His eyes almost water at your kindness. "I truly can't thank you enough."

"That's better, isn't it?" You smile proudly at your work. "Oh! You need food," you think for a moment, "I'll just bring you down daily meals."

"I can't ask you to do that, it's too much."

"It's a good thing you don't have to ask. You mentioned your friend... Remus Lupin." Sirius nods and gestures for you to continue, "He's a Professor this year... anyway, is he a..."

"A...?"

"Werewolf," you say hesitantly. 

Sirius' face goes a bit pale, "What makes you think that?"

"His boggart was a moon, and he has lots of light scars."

"Would it change your opinions about him?"

"Not at all! If anything I think it makes him even better." Sirius nods his head. "Yes... he's a werewolf?" 

He nods again, "You're a bright witch."

"Thank you," you beam. You looks at your watch, "I have about twenty minutes before my friends start looking for me. In the meantime.... Wizard's Chess?"

"Yes! Checkmate!" You jump up from your seat in excitement. "I won!"

"That's not fair! You only won because I'm rusty," Sirius crosses his arms and sinks into the couch. 

"Sure, sure. Rematch tomorrow?" you ask. 

"Rematch tomorrow," you two shake hands and you go to the exit. 

"I'll bring you some food in a little while."

"Bye, darling," he waves, watching you leave. 

A few weeks later, you were on your daily trip to see Sirius. You snuck in through the Whomping Willow, you also learned how to avoid the branches. 

"Hello?!" you shout. 

"Over here!"

You follow his voice and see him digging through a closet. "What are you looking for?"

"I- that's... a good question." He stands up and clears his throat, "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"It has come to my attention that you recently made an appearance in the castle."

"Mhm."

"And you didn't inform me about it beforehand," you gives him a blank stare.

"I wanted to, but it took a while to plan and I wanted it to be a surprise," he grins with jazz hands.

"You do realize that I could have helped you in, right?"

"Yeah, but I didn't want to risk you getting in trouble," he frowns. 

"I appreciate your concern," you salute him and he does it back with a chuckle.

"What's in the bag?" He nods to the one hanging on your arm. 

"This, my furry father-"

"That was a horrible joke."

"-Is a record player!" You excitedly pull it out of the bag and place it on a table. 

"A what?"

"A record player. It plays music. Want to see?!"

"As if I would say no to music."

You reach into the bag and take out some vinyl records. "I picked ones that I think you would enjoy best. There is a supergroup that I thought you would really like. They're called ABBA. They're one of my favorites." 

You set up the record player and place one of the vinyls in. You grin at the man as you hit the play button.

"YOU CAN DANCE, YOU CAN JIVE! HAVING THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE! SEE THAT GIRL, WATCH THAT SCENE! DIGGING THE DANCING QUEEN!"

You and Sirius continue to shout the lyrics into your fake microphones as you hop around the room with the song blasting. When the room was first set up by you, you placed several privacy and silencing spells, so you two didn't have to worry about anyone hearing anything.

"YOU ARE THE DANCING QUEEN! YOUNG AND SWEET, ONLY SEVENTEEN-"

"GIMME, GIMME, GIMME A MAN AFTER MIDNIGHT! WON'T SOMEBODY HELP ME CHASE THE SHADOWS AWAY?" you sing while bouncing on the couch. 

"GIMME, GIMME, GIMME A MAN AFTER MIDNIGHT! TAKE ME THROUGH THE DARKNESS TO THE BREAK OF THE DAY!" Sirius continues as he walks and dances as if he were on a stage. 

"MAMMA MIA, HERE I GO AGAIN! MY, MY, HOW CAN I RESIST YOU?"

"MAMMA MIA, DOES IT SHOW AGAIN! MY, MY, JUST HOW MUCH I'VE MISSED YOU?" 

Sirius and you hold hands as you jump together and flip your hair with matching goofy grins. 

"YES, I'VE BEEN BROKENHEARTED! BLUE SINCE THE DAY WE PARTED!"

"WHY, WHY DID I EVER LET YOU GO?"

"BUT NOW IT ISN'T TRUE! NOW EVERYTHING IS NEW!" you grab your wand to create two pairs of light up sunglasses, you toss one to Sirius and you both put them on.

"AND ALL I'VE LEARNED HAS OVERTURNED! I BEG OF YOUUU!" Sirius sings. 

"DON'T GO WASTING YOUR EMOTION! LAY ALL YOUR LOVE ON MEEEE!" you shout together. 

With a flick of your wrist, you - much to Sirius' surprise - somehow managed to have a disco ball with neon lights come from the ceiling. 

Harry, Ron, and Hermione sit in the Gryffindor common room. 

"I wonder what she's doing right now," Harry looks thoughtfully.

"She's been leaving a lot recently," comments Hermione, biting nervously on her nail.

"I hope she's okay," says Ron, "Sirius Black could be out there."

"LAST NIGHT I WAS TAKING A WALK ALONG THE RIVER, AND I SAW HIM TOGETHER WITH A YOUNG GIRL!"

"AND THE LOOK THAT HE GAVE HER MADE ME SHIVER! 'CAUSE HE ALWAYS USE TO LOOK AT ME THAT WAY!" Sirius grabs your hand and twirls you, causing you to laugh. 

"AND I THOUGHT, MAYBE I SHOULD WALK RIGHT UP TO HER AND SAY 'AH-HA-HA, IT'S A GAME HE LIKES TO PLAYYY!" you and Sirius shimmy dance to each other. 

You jump and freeze before breaking out in another dance and sing the chorus. "LOOK INTO HIS ANGELEYES, ONE LOOK AND YOU'RE HYPNOTISED! HE'LL TAKE YOUR HEART AND YOU MUST PAY THE PRICE!"

"SLIPPING THROUGH MY FINGERS ALL THE TIME!"

"I TRY TO CAPTURE EVERY MINUTE!"

"THE FEELING IN IT, SLIPPING THROUGH MY FINGERS ALL THE TIME!"

"DO I REALLY SEE WHAT'S IN HER MIND, EACH TIME I'M CLOSE TO KNOWING, SHE KEEPS ON GROWING!"

"SLIPPING THROUGH MY FINGERS ALL THE TIME!"

"SOMETIMES I WISH THAT I COULD FREEZE THE PICTURE!"

"AND SAVE IT FROM THE FUNNY TRICKS OF TIME!"

Sirius and you wrap an arm around each other's waist as they sway to the music. 

"SLIPPING THROUGH MY FINGERSSSSS!"

Sirius then starts pretending like he's playing the guitar to the music making your giggle. 

You and Sirius fall back, panting, onto the couch. Sirius turns to you and gives you a high five. 

"Oh my Merlin! That was the most fun I had in forever!"

"Me too, kid. Thank you. I don't know the last time I felt like that."

"You're welcome," you bumps his shoulder. "Oh! And you can keep everything, I have my own."

"Really?"

"Mhm, I'll bring you more vinyls I have. We can have more singing and dancing parties like this."

"I'm looking forward to it." He looks at a watch you got him, "I think it may be time for you to head back."

You look in a mirror on the wall, "My hair is messy from flipping it."

"I can help you with it, if you want," he smiles at you. 

"Really?" He nods. "Thanks!"

Sirius gets up and grabs a brush, you turn on the couch so he is behind you as he brushes through your hair. "I'm going to try to do that braid you taught me."

"Here's a hair tie," you take one off your wrist. 

He struggles at first but manages to do a good, tight braid. "Done!" Sirius claps his hands. 

You look in the mirror, "Wow, you have a good teacher."

He shrugs, "Meh, she's alright." You slap the back of his head, "Okay, okay! Not the hair! Okay, I have the best teacher." 

You nod happily and grab your bag, "Bye, Dad."

"See you soon, y/n," he winks.

[fromdarzaitoleeza]

Ahh it's the last day of 2023 already?

I am expecting a call from a friend although the possibility of this happening is very slim it always felt nice to hear the voice of an old friend ( I'm not a text person I've realised this over time but I am stuck to be a text person) .

I can't wait for spring to come in 2024 , spring provides an intense amount of healing to my soul.

The next four months are very crucial in my life if they go well I can survive the rest of the year, I have died a couple of times this year and I am amazed that I am alive i didn't honestly thought i would make it to the end of this year ( especially in the last 3 months , I badly needed help but i didn't wanted others to pity me so i spoke to none about it ) anyways I don't want to talk about it , i don't want to make it sound blue than it already is,a i am really sorry about the fact all my posts are blue I sincerely wish it wasn't that way( altho i haven't posted anything here with as much as devotion I use to do , partly cuz i created an Instagram acc but that's not all reason I ve been sad nonetheless) and sorry for all the "anon/asks" that i haven't answered

I have made no achievements this year and there is little to no progress towards my self love or self growth, but I think that's okay I can do it in the upcoming year, time flies so quick i can't believe Its been so many years since I was 16 I miss being 16 honestly I had more in me back then than i have now , i have lost of confidence my vision and my smile over the years it's as if I am very different person now , i certainly wish I wasn't this way i really thought i would be so much more and better in my early 20s but it is what it is , acceptance is haredest of all emotions in my opinion , you know things are harder to accept when you know you could have done better .

Just like in the last 2 years even this year I didn't make any real life friends with whom I can hang out with i think it's partly due to the fact some people are destined to be alone and I am afraid to admit I am one of them , I did make 2 online friends this year .

I don't want to share any life lessons i learnt this year but if there is something i would love to share is choose yourself one more time each time you feel it's the last time you are doing it , choose one more time to live,one more time to hope, one more time to have faith , one more time to start again [ the fact I am the one telling you this is rediciculosly funny ] .

Unlike most people i don't have a lot of goals for the new year I just got things i want to avoid ( idk if that's the same thing?) Avoid my leftover heart's heartbreak, avoiding what takes away my peace, avoiding what can cause me discomfort, avoiding things that make me question myself ( in any negative way) ,i think that's a little too much but that's it .

As I was writing this Google photos sent me a notification saying " 3 years back today with a photo of mine " and it broke my heart a little, now I am questioning myself how did i let so much happen to me , I wish I treated certain things as the last time instead of always stupidly believing in future ( my worse trait yes).

There is a lot to say as always, i wonder if I open my mouth i would never stop sharing things that go inside my mind , but i also know there is no use of it if i can't find people who can understand it , maybe that's how I end up ranting here .

Not to mention I love people who are patient, i believe in the near future i would only like to talk with people who could be patient with me and with my silence . I believe everyone deserves people who can be patient with them .

Nothing really matters in the end but at the same time everything you do matters ❤️‍🩹

[spotaus]

Shout-out to me rotating my goofy ahh New Age ideas in my head to no avail.

Ofc having said that, I'm still going to make a random little ramble post while I'm on the subject.

Right about now seems a banger time to flesh out Horror a bit and add more actual context to why he's even here, because it was like... beginning of everything the first time I mentioned him-

So, Horror. The basics are that he was initially brought back to the castle so he could teach Nightmare more about agricultural techniques from outside the kingdom. Horror's family in particular has very old traditions, and he had cousins and family friends move into the kingdom when they heard the crown had been passed on (times of turmoil leave for open land, usually). While Horror was staying at the castle, there was some sort of moment that led Nightmare to ask Horror to stick around and pick up training as a Knight.

Now, to dissect it a bit. When Dust is freed from his sentences in the dungeon, he's tasked by Nightmare to help him dismantle all the crime rings he knew of. Dust agrees (what's left to lose?) but quickly realizes that Night has no idea why they sprung up and what good they do for his people. So, Dust boldly informs him. Which leads Nightmare to put together the dots that... yeah, no, crops were meant to have weather, got by barely with altered methods for centuries, and now all the crops of the season were ruined. So, he obviously needs to start working on the whole Food Dillman before he can take down the black market for good, lest his people starve.

So, he decides he'll send out a few of his guard on a search. Find any farmers who know how to grow crops traditionally, foreigners, the poor, people who are deeply familiar, and report back to him. And, he gets several, but the most promising lead is a report of a monster colony at the edge of the kingdom. Their matriarch was selling perfectly good, ripe, crops at market for cheap. So, of course, Nightmare sends a messenger ahead of him before packing up Himself, Killer, and Dust (he does NOT trust Dust to be alone at the castle with Ccino and his other, mostly-loyal, followers. So he decides to babysit him.) and trekking out to the kingdom's edge discreetly to talk with these people.

When they arrive, it really is more like a colony. The monsters living in older buildings repaired with unfamiliar methods, farm tools discarded in favor of more natural-seeming ones, etc. But, it was obvious these people were managing alright. Not huge swaths of land, but enough to survive and sell a bit extra. As far as Night can tell, at least.

What it is, is that Horror's specific branch of his family had been struggling to make ends meet since he was young. They couldn't grow crops in their traditional way, the weather was harsh and the market expensive. It wasn't until the power shift when his extended family arrived and helped to revive bits of their field. Horror and his immediate family are very much still afraid it will get to drought territory again, and they'll need to start from step one.

Nightmare, after arriving, is greeted hesitantly. He's a bit paranoid, but overall he seems more focused on keeping an eye on Dust than acting hostile to any of the people. Killer and Dust unnerve them a lot, and Horror's mother and father are hesitant to speak up in any way to the new king. Being close to the border, they had the pleasures of hearing only the worst of the rumors.

I like to think that Nightmare tries to speak and ask for advice, but most everyone is too afraid of screwing up and getting themselves thrown out or killed. Horror is the one who comes back from chopping firewood, axe in-hand (and still pretty scrawny at this point, even though he towers). He stands in the doorway (fearlessly btw???) and hears Night out as well, before asking why he wants to know their crop techniques. Nightmare explains that he wants to be able to teach the farming communities to thrive in these new conditions. Horror shoots back that there's no point in teaching them new ways if the droughts would just turn back. Then Night explains the magic which had held back the storms for so many centuries. That he intended to never cast those rituals again, but that his good intentions left the kingdom floundering for support.

Horror, at that point, looks back to his mom and asks her a question in another language, before she seems more serious than nervous. They talk back and forth for a few minutes, before Horror nods and says that they'll talk to the others, but at the least hid mother wants to help. (Turns out, Nightmare completely missed a language barrier, so there was a huge misunderstanding for a good chunk if tine until Horror (fluent in both languages thanks to scrounging in the nearby town and learning quickly) shows from his chores.

After that point Horror's family welcomes them and makes dinner, and it's a huge communal situation that Nightmare (and Killer + Dust) are really flustered by tbh. Kids in the community hear their auntie call Nightmare and the other two friends, and they start convincing eachother to run up and tap his tendrils as they flick around nervously. The others who know some of Night's language talk to them quickly about what it's like in their homelands. It's a shockingly quick turn-around, but Nightmare's brought no hostility this whole trip, so they don't let the rumors persist. (Horror suggests to some of them to back off a bit a few tines when Nightmare seems antsy, but Killer is happy to entertain with stories of his missions (which unironically boost morale as Horror translates) and Dust is still in his sleepy era and no one minds when he slumps forwards and puts his head in his arms to nap. It's just a very kind little community.

That night, Horror, his mother, and a few of the other older women take Nightmare aside to tell him about the basics of their techniques. But... to really understand, he should see the whole process. Nightmare expresses that he simply doesn't have the time to stay (Ccino was alone... basically running everything in his wake.). And they cone to a standstill for a while, trying to think of a solution, but Night already knows. He needs someone to come back with him, give him lessons on how it all works. Every detail. Then he can summon prospective farmers to the capital to teach them new methods, reward them for cooperation, get the word spread and show that it works. Without bringing attention to the little paradise these people had built themselves.

It's after some more talking in their language, that Horror offers to go. He's heard the traditions his whole life. He could help. Plus, he could speak their language

After checking all bases (would his family be okay without him? What would they like in return? How often would he want to come back? He knows it's a long-term role, right? Horror agrees to all of the terms) they set out.

Horror can tell Nightmare has a good intention. If he didn't, Horror would've see him. Nightnare would've seemed disgusted ag his little cousins, or refused their meal (though he *did* silently have Killer take a chomp at it in test first), or, most damnibgly, Horror would've returned to Dust and flames. He'd heard of the old king. This one, though frustrated with his family, had mostly just looked distressed and tired at not recieving answers. He didn't order his men to attack, and his men seemed content (although the little guy *did* have a couple shackles (?) on from what Horror could tell). He wanted to help, and his little brother was big enough to pick up the slack he'd be leaving behind anyhow. (His family made him stop doing as much labor after his skull injury, since it still pained him on occasion, so there wasn't much he did nowadays anyways aside going to market for shopping + the occasional axe-work.)

This leads to him comfortably returning with Nightmare to the capital to start teaching him agriculture that can sustain the weather! (Also establishing that they need seeds from outside the kingdom for heartier crops because these ones are all dry and sad-). Horror is the reason there's a thriving little garden in the courtyard, and also the reason the servants treat it like a community garden later on! But at the start it's just Night and Horror figuring things out, while he has Killer and Dust back out dismantling the market.

When he feels more confident in his knowledge (and has seen Horror work wonders) Nightmare finally reaches out to those other candidates his guard had brought up. Those with partially surviving crops, who seemed willing to work to improve and revise after the storms. (Among them is Crop, yes this is where he and Horror first meet.) And he basically hosts a little banquet where he explains his hopes, offers compensation in-case the work were to go wrong and disrupt the land, and asks who'd like to participate. Everyone present says they would (I mean, their livihood went down the drain, they want it back!) And Nightmare has Horror explain what he knows, Nightmare is mainly just there to support him as a credible source of belief.

Skip some time, Nightmare and Horror often check in on the farms, and they seem to be doing well and spreading the word. By now Dust is free of his bands and started Knight training not too long ago. Horror, one day, boldly asks to join them. He expresses to Nightmare that he wants to be able to do his job more efficiently, and believes that it slows work down for Nightmare to have to babysit him. Killer goes off on missions, and he'd like to do the same for his peaceful check-ins. Along with that, he also has an insecurity that he might be broken beyond repair after his wound and starvation, so he wants to grow strong again. Not be just brittle bones.

Night, after careful thought, agrees. Horror has his head on straight and understands the full implications of the training. He would be prepared for knighthood. Horror insists that he appreciates Nightmare's goals and he's an improvement from the old King. A much, much, needed improvement. Night has to learn to prepare more physical training, but he decides that the best choice for that might just be to have Captain Rogers get Horror through the basics (under Nightmare's watch, of course). That way he can get a sense of Horror's strengths and weaknesses as they develop. But Horror is a quick learner, and once he gains enough mass back, Nightmare places Killer in charge of both new knight recruits and carefully supervises their training. Horror fits in no problem <3

[hamliet]

Hello Hamliet, I started reading Dostoevsky because of you and just finished The Idiot. I really enjoyed the book and I wanted to ask what are your thoughts on Nastasya Fillipovna?

AHH I'm so happy to hear that!

Hoo boy. First I'll direct you to this post I wrote on Rogozhin and this brief post.

The short of it is that I think Nastasya is, perhaps, Dostoyevsky's best character (besides maybe Smerdyakov, though I see Smerdyakov as essentially the male Nastasya). But she's incredibly tragic, and you're supposed to be outraged as you read her story. She's self-destructive because of trauma (being sexually abused from a young age), and she isn't even hiding it. She's upfront about her trauma, and that is what makes her fairly unique especially for a woman in her day and age--and also kind of what dooms her.

Nastasya is remarkably prescient about the factors that led to her position, which makes her an ideal contrast to Myshkin and to society as a whole. She knows who is to blame even more than Trotsky (her abuser). While everyone calls her a madwoman for her actions that lash out at everyone around her as well as at herself, she's not mad. She's blaming exactly who should be blamed. The mad ones are society, who pretend not to see the reality they are all living in.

Nastasya lashes out at everyone because society is, itself, an even bigger villain than Rogozhin. Society looks proper and flaunts beauty and power, like Trotsky . Society, at its best, is intended to be a community that helps protect the innocent and care for those who are in pain. Instead, much like Trotsky acted as a "benefactor" for the poor Nastasya who needed an adult in her life, society grooms and takes advantage of the innocent and hurting, and then uses their pain for their own entertainment. It's an observation not limited by time: see, every pop star ever.

And even when society feels pity for her, it's too late to save her. Her life is ruined. And yes, the misogynistic and patriarchal values of 1800s Russia do play a role here, but there are still also those elements present today, too. They push her to a point where even "redemption" offered to her in the form of Myshkin is not about her--it's about them. It's about them feeling good about themselves.

She has no power and no say over her own life, and that's why she constantly acts out in any way she can--to act like she has power, and to punish society for being "invested" in her either as a hot mess or as a redemptive bride. And society could have intervened with Trotsky, or just--not cared about Trotsky, as they all acknowledge she was taken advantage of, but they don't.

I do think she genuinely loved Myshkin, and my hot take is that Myshkin and Nastasya were better suited as a couple than Myshkin and Aglaya, which is what most critics tend to purport. I don't think Myshkin ruined things by choosing Nastasya out of obligation over true love with Aglaya. I think what ruined things is the whole paradox that is the crux of the book's thematic question: how can one be a true human being in a corrupt society?

I think the tragedy is that in not understanding herself as a human being--something society has never seen her as--she cannot treat others as humans either. Marrying Myshkin would have meant facing that about herself, and also facing the inherent power she does have as a human being--to affect those around her, because no person is an island and we do need community. Nastasya is used to being a tool, and her spirit is so broken down at that point that she is afraid to be human because community has only objectified her. So she cannot face it and chooses to go to Rogozhin instead so that he will kill her; it's suicide, and the text directly says that.

Yet in her death, she ironically proves that she is human--her death destroys Myshkin, because he was a human being too who loved her. He goes truly mad, and society continues on by putting him away in a sanatorium and washing their hands of it.

That's tragic. It's wrong, and we understand that as readers and are meant to grieve and to feel angry at how society, which can heal, destroys. And we're meant to examine our role as human individuals and as a collective in the destruction of the innocent around us--the limits and strengths of our own humanity.

[howlsofbloodhounds]

Geepers, my thoughts striked in a long ahh.... what do we call it...I dunno, mutual ideas probs

But anyways I just wanna add to Killer being bullied by his supposed "family"

It's that. I always see that they think they care. If they truly cared tho they wouldn't treat him like shit... but they think they care, and if/when he runs away they'd be desperate to find him. Though they firmly believe it's because he's a part of the group, that he's important and that they care and love him, the thoughts that drive them to find Killer are thoughts like "he's going to do something stupid". "He's going to mess up this and that and he's going to cause all this chaos". Honestly they kinda just treat him like a bad child they can't handle... just like. Thinking he needs things like discipline because he's an unruly kid, but all that "child" needs is someone to give him love or sum...

Because of how this fanon world works it's like a post truce au, and ze bad Sanses end up dragging the star Sanses into this. Now I'm thinking about what would happen if they found him.... s been some years, and though they aren't actively searching anymore they're still keeping an eye out.

I don't wanna brain too much rn so- do with what you want

Yeah i always think it’d be interesting to explore this type of thing. With people viewing or treating killer as if he’s some unruly stupid child who messes everything up, and i cant help but wonder how they’d react to killer’s reactions to them in stage 1.

would he be afraid of them? try to avoid them? what would they think of it, would they understand at all or just assume killers acting or being dramatic, especially if he’s the one partaking in or causing violent fights in stage 2–likely to receive some type of acknowledgment of his presence.

would they assume killers just not acting like himself, or something or someone is “getting in his head” and turning him against them. something like that. curious

[barrenclan]

for the next music post: bird song by f+tm is a good one for rainhaze killing asphodelpaw (& then, depending on how the rest of the story goes, him subsequently being haunted by his actions)

Ahh, Bird Song is such a classic. You know the visual I can imagine for this; Rainhaze speaking to himself/his conscience/previous self as the "bird", as he wanders to BarrenClan territory. And then in the part of the song where he kills the "bird", it cuts to him having killed Asphodelpaw.

"Well I didn't tell anyone, but a bird flew by Saw what I'd done he set up a nest outside, And he sang about what I'd become He sang so loud, sang so clear I was afraid all the neighbours would hear, So I invited him in, just to reason with him I promised I wouldn't do it again"

"I opened my mouth to scream and shout Waved my arms and flapped about But I couldn't scream I couldn't shout, The song was coming from my mouth"

Yeah, Rainhaze. Fuck McCafferty though.

"And I know that I'm not a nice guy I hurt people's feelings, I guess I should die But my body says hurt myself, and my heart says to harm myself"

"How did I get like this? So afraid of everything"

Wow, yeah, it really is. Look at these lyrics.

"We're machines that breathe and weep And look really good Trained to kill"

"Send me back in time And I'll bring us back in line Just tell me whose mother I have to kill" <- ermmm. well.

"And I've replaced my heart With metal parts And I'm working out just fine But I can't get it to start"

Lmao? Okay YouTube thanks

JULIE AND THE PHANTOMS MENTIONED!! This AU idea is actually along the lines of my original draft of the script; originally Asphodelpaw and Pinepaw wouldn't have a last moment of connection before she was murdered, so he'd be more torn about her death. But yeah, wailing, I love this song. Watch this show.

"No time for goodbyes Didn't get to apologize Pieces of a clock that lies broken"

"If you could only know I never let you go And the words I most regret Are the ones I never meant to leave Unsaid Emily"

Another classic! I think I've been suggested this one before, but it fits very well of course. Cormorantpaw specifically I can imagine singing it; goes well with Issue 33.

"All day I've been wondering what is inside of me Who can I blame for it? I say it runs in the family"

"But business is business and business runs in the family We tend to bruise easily, mad in the blood I'm telling you 'cause I just want you to know me"

Wilbur Soot is honestly a pretty good voiceclaim for Rainhaze.

"Under the weight of a broken nose It's not that simple, but he won't seem to notice There must be more to this"

"Would do something, if it wasn't all so effortful 'Cause I'm so high, my brain can't even look at the fall And when you've reached the top there's nowhere else to go but-"

I hadn't, but I do like it!

"I'm alive and I can see The water is foul and it's hard to breathe There's lead in the water, there's lead in the water There's lead in the water, and you think that I'm fine I'm stained by the water and only the water I'm drained by the water, are you losing your mind? Dead in the water, dead in the water"

No, I haven't heard of this one before! But you're right, it's very fitting! Also, psh, no one has ever animated before you start animating. If you want to, go for it. I'd certainly be interested!

"Oh, in Pine Point, where I was born The roads are all overgrown And no one's lived there for years The town was never the same The mine was closed in '88 And everyone disappeared"

"Oh, in Pine Point It's deteriorating And your memory started fading"

[beddybites]

Hi I come from tiktok I just wanted to say that... I love your art and your art style it's so cute and fluffy❤! I'm afraid to post anything on her because of my past time posting I was bullied.

waawaa thank you so much you're so kind ahh!!

do not worry, im the same way haha. every time i post im really nervous, but it also makes me happy to be able to share my art with people, especially if they find it comforting ;u;

you got this! you can do it!

[m0rang0z]

Oh! Forgot to post this excuse of abomination here (ink sans fan art)

My almost 18 year old ass was given a big ahh pen and a piece of paper, so i did this, idk if i should post the final result lol

It's so damn funny i know undertale since 2016 and yet i know nothing of what's going on, which means, theories and who r the creators of which AU, so as much as i want to give credits to however did ink sans, I'm afraid of getting to confused and tagging the wrong person... Again