#ah crap i made myself sad

[kawaoneechan]

I just realized that the oldest post on the Noxico devblog is dated November 12 2012.

Looking in my archived copy of the older site, the plans file is from February 2012.

A super old copy of the logo in the same folder is from October 2011.

Duke Nukem Forever took 14 years, 1997 to 2011. I started on Noxico that same year.

I'm nearing DNF-tier development time and it's still not in a state I'd consider worth playing.

Taking on other projects probably doesn't help but jesus fuck.

[kaiba-cave]

Guys. I had a crazy day earlier. 😭 Me and my mom went to get food and once we got it we were just sitting in my car for a minute when we saw this guy stumbling down the street. And at first we were just watching him like “ah, so sad, another drug addict on something”.

But this dude freaking collapsed on the side of the road. On his back, arms out, not moving. He was OUT. So we were like uh. We should call 9-1-1 probably?

I called 9-1-1 and I don’t know why but I wasn’t expecting the dispatcher to want me to check on the guy (I don’t know why I didn’t think that like, duh they’d want you to check) so we got out of the car and I went over to him and yeah, he was completely out. No response at all to anything.

And I am NOT the type of person to take charge doing anything. Usually I would’ve even made my mom call 9-1-1. But for some reason I started talking when the dispatcher answered and once I got out to check on the guy I was just focused in on trying to do what the dispatcher told me.

Dispatcher told me to watch his chest super carefully and put my hand near his nose/mouth to see how often he was breathing. And I was like. I don’t think he IS breathing. I could feel a super fast heartbeat but his chest wasn’t rising and I didn’t feel any air. The dispatcher was starting to walk me through how to do CPR, like I had my hands on him to start chest compressions when this guy ran over out of nowhere like “I’M AN EMT, MOVE!” and he took over the chest compressions. Thank god.

Before the EMT got there the dude on the ground was making this weird gargling/gasping noise and I couldn’t think of what it was called at the time but I’ve listened to enough true crime/911 call podcasts to know that it’s BAD. The type of breaths you take when you’re dying. The EMT guy called it agonal breathing after and I was like yes, I knew it was bad I just couldn’t remember what it was called.

But when the actual ambulance got there they said he had a pulse, so thank god for that guy. If I had to do it myself I don’t know if he would’ve had one tbh. I know how hard it is to do chest compressions, how tiring it is and how hard you have to actually press for it to work properly. Hard enough that you can sometimes break ribs doing it. But I’ve never taken a class or anything for it so I was freaked out. I was going to try, but holy crap.

My mom on the other hand was running around like a chicken with its head cut off, lmao. The dispatcher told me to ask someone to get a defibrillator if I could, so I told my mom to go to the pharmacy that we were close to and ask them, so off she went and after that I was so focused on the dispatcher and doing what he was saying that I don’t even know where my mom was for most of it. I think she went into like three different stores before anyone else bothered to come help and by then the ambulance was there.

And when he first fell, this guy had two friends walking with him. They literally just ignored him and kept walking. I saw one random guy just walk right past him. Another one walked up to him and sort of smacked him in the face but when he got no response he just left. So by then we were on the phone with 911 and getting out of the car to check on him.

I think eventually one of his friends came back? I guess, because he had a big cup of water from the 7/11 and he was pouring it over the guy’s face and kept repeating to me “I told him not to do that stuff, I told him not to do that, I only did some weed but I told him not to do that stuff”. But I was basically ignoring him because I was trying to listen to the dispatcher who I had on speakerphone. And by the time the ambulance came that guy was long gone, so I guess it was his “friend”, but he wasn’t gonna stick around to talk to the EMTs or the cops. That’s the main reason I’m sure it was an overdose. Plus this guy was maybe mid-20s. He wasn’t like an old man that maybe had a heart attack or something. Like I know that stuff can happen to young people but… no.

Anyway, I made sure to thank that random EMT guy before he left because damn. Lucky he was there.

Once it was over and I was back in my car I was trying not to cry, I think just from the adrenaline lol. It’s so weird like as it’s happening, it’s like you’re in your own world. I didn’t know where my mom was and didn’t care, I wasn’t listening to that guy, I was just focused in on listening to the dispatcher. It didn’t even feel like it took that long for the ambulance to get there, which in that situation you would think usually it would feel like they’re taking forever even if they aren’t, but by the time I heard the sirens I thought “wow they got here fast”.

We can get free NARCAN kits from pharmacies here too. Every time I get my prescriptions I see the sign there that says to ask about their free NARCAN kits and I always think about it but never do. Well now I’m going to. Because it would’ve been handy to have today.

I hope dude ends up okay. It’s sad how many people just ignored him while dude was literally dying on the side of the road. And yes, me and my mom assumed he was a drug addict too because of how he was stumbling around before he fell. But damn, I wasn’t going to just leave him there and drive away when we watched it happen. :/ It’s like some people just think eh another druggie, leave him be. He was also obviously not okay, it wasn’t like he was sitting against the building half asleep or something so you could maybe think he’s just high or whatever. He went down on the side of the road and you could tell it was bad. And like I said before, he looked maybe 25. He was young, he had a skateboard with him. And when the ambulance got there, they didn’t even seem to be in a rush when they got out. Like they were so used to this type of call it was just another normal day to them. 🙁

Anyway. After that we all just went about our days. Don’t even know what his name was but hopefully he makes it.

[stardustlixie]

okay, finally continued cause i just got home.

but jack shit is what Trevor does; that and this weird fucking smile thing when ppl ask him, neither confirming or denying. so most ppl think we fucked and some are saying gross things about me while Trevor seems bask in it.

to add onto that, my ex heard, and is upset for some reason (which pisses me off cause tf, she literally cheated on me??). she's going around, telling anyone who will listen that she knew there was something going on w me and Trevor, six months ago when we dated.

ppl who i don't know, are all up in my business now. Trevor acts like nothing's happening, i hate him once again i'm completely sure that there will be nothing romantic (or even platonic if i wasn't a people pleaser) in the future.

that's still not it.

bc he started telling some of his friends that we were dating??? (all of this is within the span of like 3 or 4 days). so i decided to message him but again, i'm a people pleaser.

so i ask him if we're just friends. don't give him time to reply and continue w telling him that we shouldn't be together and that i don't know if i gave him the wrong idea and made him think we were anything more, but we aren't and won't ever be (said in slightly nicer terms).

what does this man say?

a bunch of boring stuff i don't care enough to recount but to summarize, he's hurt and is sad that we can't be anything more, but he's willing to wait for me. and finished off asking if there's a reason i'm 'breaking it off' like i hadn't already told him.

i just reiterated what i already said and that i don't want him to wait for me because nothing will happen between us. and then he goes off.

he calls me a bitch for leading him on, and spreading rumours abt him (like wtf??☠️). continues on that i'm full of myself and i'm not that 'all that hot' anyways and he was lowering his standards for me in the first place.

but yeah.

no more men for awhile i think.

(i'm literally so sorry these are so long, and this is me summarizing this shit, istg this man is unhinged and people are awful)

ah men. what self assured pieces of crap.

i've been in this place one too many times. you reject one, you tell him you don't want him, he doesn't back to away cuz wtf does "no" even mean, then when he gets tired or it somehow backfires. comes the 'you're such a bitch' or 'you led me on' and 'you're not even hot'.

why are most men the same flavor wtf

I need to unpack this.

your ex. wtf is wrong with that woman.

this guy is trying so hard to gaslight but he's so not successful. bitch is reveling in the attention he's getting by exploiting the situation. the awkward smiling, he's definitely trying to build this up.

'wait for you' wtf is with this statement and men. like i will not suddenly develop feelings for you if you keep waiting, you self obsessed turnip.

cy for the sake of you, i beg you to stop being a people pleaser, i know it's hard but god you've gotta tell this man in clear terms to stop being such an ass and stop using these situations to his benefit and make your life worse.

'lowering my standards' bitch please your manipulating attention basking ass is probably six feet under the bottom line of standards. don't you fucking start down that road.

that's gotta be some next level ego he got there.

(and don't feel sorry for long rants. I like talking to you, no matter what about)

[gayspock]

ehr

i feel like i just resent every fucking person whos ever tried to tell me that you'll find somewhere someday and think about all the places I ve been and existed and left and have never felt a fucking thing because I just never felt anything but a sad and miserable fucking detachment. it felt like uni never happened might as well neve have happened and the same with school and everything else because i just float from place to place and even when 8 try i really try I feel like I'm always just left out and sad and unhappy and I've tried to believe it's not in my head but the evidence is always so fucking undeniable because it's not in my fucking head it's a genuine fucking documentable fucking case of being left out of every single fucking thing all of the time. Being told things weeks and months after it's gone by playing stupid fucking catch up games everyone always hanging out and neve being taken seriously and it's pathetic it's really fucking pathetic I kept crying about it all the time and still do because I know in my heart of hearts I'm notging to most of the people I've crossed paths with and they won't even remember me and they never do and I just keep crying like ah everyone else manages to find people they can at least exist around but if I even as anything im2just fucking not anything now like there's notging to like there's nothing to love I think about how my grandad told me that before that it's too fucking difficult to love me and it's thst unspoken fucking thing most people are too nice to say it or to truly fucking believe it it's a whole load of you'll find something sometime somewhere just keep trying but it will never ever be here and now I'll never be anything meaningful in anyone's lives and I want to get angry and blame people but I can't do anything but cry about how fucking worthless I am and to the point now whwr e I'm thinking about how it was always going to be this how it's always going to be thks how I can't unstick myself how I can't muster the energy to manage anything how I'm dying like this and how I used to fucking try and cope by imagining being with people seeing people regularly and existing in the world or having some sort of life and how this is something nearly everyone else has in some way maybe in smaller doses like they've had it once and it's gone or they have a family member at least who's there to see they're still alive Ispend every day fucking alone and I have done and. I keep thinking OK random aside the aside of I fucking can't listen I don't even try any more because the truth of literally everything JSUT sends me nuts so hearing stupid fucking platitudes and canned fell good crap is never anything but just this. Really cruel exercise of "If you don't respond well to this you're obviously making yourself miserae" anyway the fucking wowee! What would your child self think if they saw you now! Haha surely they'd be so psyched you made it! and it's always been one of those fucking sentiments in particular thst just fucking grips me in fucking horror realising notging fucking changes that I 8sed to cry every fucking day of loneliness back then and sob and wish trying mattered or someone would care and wishing I was safe and I think my child self would fucking hate my fucking guts and that I'm notging but confirmation that it's not getting better, that all the anxiety was right, that there's no fucking way out. Maybe thst it's even worse than that because you do nothing but figure out you're even stupider and worse and there's so many more things you have to deal with and they're so fucking hard to do by yourself and to stop trying so hard because it does nothing but JSUT tire you out and make you sadder but even then at the end of the day it's so fuckkng pointless because who cares who fucking cares you should kill yourself before you're too old it's pointless bro big smile

[honeybeewhereartthee]

MY DARLING DOLLS 55

PREVIOUS || PT 10 CH 55 || NEXT

In place between the sky and the sea, three large creature of myths with color of Red, Green and violet is circling around a figure with long regal robes with design of a five claw dragon, and long blue hair stand under the rain. In front of him id a floating crystal ball, glowing in such unknown ancient power.

"... Is it my fault?" He stared at the droplets that's pour into his hand, the rain is covering his tears, not letting his emotion be seen by others. He wonder if it's cause of the past gift of heaven as he was told. But thinking of before is useless right now.

{ Yes. it's "your" fault.}

He heard someone familiar spoke. He look where the source of the voice coming from and saw it's coming from the reflection of the water, his 'own' reflection is smiling at him.

Yet that reflection have shorter hair than he is and not wearing the same outfit he wear right now. Yet two of them are crying.

"...?" He stared confuse at his own reflection. "Ah... My dollmaker going to call me crazy because I'm talking to myself now..." He sigh as he thought his mind is making things up as he have been crying for days.

{ 'your' a silly silly serpent. } The reflection of his rolled his eyes at him. { You don't even know what your doing is all but a mistake.}. He added.

"mistake?" He mumbles, confuse why the reflection of his says that.

{ this is 'your' fault. If you don't come to this peaceful world. 'you' won't bring ' misfortune ' of that fallen world to this place.} The reflection of him mocks him, pointing blame at him.

"if I don't come here... Would everyone would be safe?" He start to felt doubt, he knows he shouldn't believe what bull crap his reflection is telling him, yet he knows what his weakness is and what to hit far too well.

{if you don't come here. MC would live a happy life with their biological family. You won't follow through what's 'fate' and what's 'destined' and destroyed what they could have of a normal life. Far from such cruelty you place upon them.}

His eyes widen when he hear such thing. He knows his dollmaker name very well, but he can never say it or call them by such thing. His dollmaker never tell him their name. And he respects it.

By the story of their past from the perceptive of Kuma he gather information what have been their life story before they come to this place.

Was it really his fault...?

He felt his mind full of scenario of his dollmaker being safe and happy instead of being in such mess right now.

Ah. It's probably his fault. It's his fault.

His heart slowly crumble from anxiety, from pain and sadness to a mistake he will make and have made.

"...your wrong! Your.... Not real...!" he felt thorn as tears and the rain continue to fall. His agony in such moment cause the thunder roars loudly and lightning strikes across the horizon.

"Your just an illusion...! A lie! So shut up!" He can't let his so called reflection get the best of him! No! If he lost control, his going to be the danger instead of the one preventing it!

{ do you really think I'm a lie? } His reflection rolled his eyes. Staring at his past self across the mirror of time and space. While he stood in future present in a dark colorless world. Void of tales or life.

"using the pearl will cost some mental damage or illusion as said by the previous go... Presider...." ******** Mumbles trying to calm himself and turning his back from his own reflection.

He have things he have to focus on. Once his done he can go home and be with his dollmaker. Everything is just made by his mind. Nothing is real or words of this fake will ever be real.

{ ... Selfish monster that doesn't belong here. .. one day 'i' will eradicate your very existence that cost nothing but harm to MC.}

As he turn his back at his reflection, he hear him said a last threat from him. "But your wrong, all I ever do and will ever do..." He really don't want to hear more bull crap from this reflection, with his fist tighten. His going to end this conversation now or he don't know if his lightning strick his dollmaker accidentally with how emotional he is right now.

"{Is to make my dollmaker happy and safe.}" His words come out unison with his reflection. His eyes narrowed. "If you know that case then [shut the fuck up]" his not a fan of foul words but as his fist strick and broken the mirror and remove the reflection that did nothing but mock him, he fall to his knees staring at a broken glass.

Golden liquid spill out from the wounds that he gotten from breaking the mirror. But it wasn't what in his mind at this moment asHe saw his reflection showing him, his true self.

His pupil slight up like monster who cannot hide his true color, his ' hideous scale' appear in his skin, his human like ears change back to it's original form. He felt his doll body being ripped a bit from trying to contain his true form hidden.

There's no longer tears but golden liquid falling from his eyes, he felt so weak as sadness and despair taken over his mind, soul and form.

"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry....I'm sorry.... " He weep and cries. He realize something cruel. Ah. That mirror was an artifact from his world. To communicate from two different time period.

"I'msorrymydollmakerimsorry I'm selfish... I'm greedy. I shouldn't be greedy... I'm going to be the one who's at fault at your misery.... " He cried and cried.

The three pseudo dragons circle around him, trying to comfort him yet he continues to cry.

He thought his doing good, his redeeming himself from his past mistake but all he ever did is cause nothing but pain!

"KANATA!!"

as he felt himself slowly fallen asleep he heard 'his' name being called by you. But that's impossible. It's impossible.

Your somewhere safe. Others will keep you safe. Rei made sure of it. With blurry eyes full of tears he saw you running while holding a big Chucky thing in your arms.

But everything comes to darkness as he realize you seems so smoll in his eyes in that last moment, he was transform back to his dragon form.

[staceymcgillicuddy]

First of all, point me in the direction of who started some shit and I’ll fight them. Then I’ll give them this bug I have. Because FUCK THEM. Ngl, to get to know my soul again is one of my favorite fics. You’ve created our two beans so beautifully and so delightfully odd with compelling quirks and layers…it’s a joy to read. I get all excited every time I see an update and have to tell myself not to rush to read it. Depression is a bitch, but she’s a liar, never forget that. You do what you need to and take care of yourself. Sending you non contaminated positive and fuzzy thoughts. 💞💞💞

Ah, thank you, friend! This made me smile, though I am sorry to hear you're not well and I'm sending you careful hugs and whatever you need to feel better.

I appreciate your kindness about soul! I love them so much, which is why it's been frustrating to be blocked, but that's not on them, that's on like... my brain right now, where it justifies not writing for any reason at all. Like "oh, I woke up and checked social media and it made me sad so I can't write."

Then... maybe don't check social media first? I used to do that, and I probably need to get back to it. Like, wake up, NO PHONE, do a little meditation, journal, then write, THEN I can let the shit of the day cascade down from crap mountain.

Anyway, thank you again for this--I will have an update next week by hook or by crook, and I am so excited to share what happens with Chrissy and her new friend. ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

(FWIW, the shit in my inbox wasn't so much shit-stirring, just a fucker being a fucker.)

[a-sexy-asexual-658]

The Twin Sister (Part 12)

Dex had refused to be around the Vacker's so me and Sophie switched between him and the Vacker house throughout the break, although I most of the time just wanted to lay down and sleep in or explode stuff. . . . . . or commit arson but we don't talk about those thoughts, shh!

Anyway, we, unfortunately, are back at school with Alina like usual spouting some greeting crap. Ugh, I just want to go back to sleep, you bitch. (I randomly remembered her abilities and now realized except for empathy forgot all of the abilities she's supposed to have, great)

Anyway, the week was boring so let's skip to the next one. We were eating lunch when a sweaty Dex Marella and Jensi sat with us. We spoke about random stuff with me ignoring the universe until prokinetics were mentioned. And Marella's comment just pissed me the fuck off.

"Oh, relax. There's only been like twelve—ever—so it's not exactly a huge problem."

"What if you had it?" I said staring her down with an icy glare. Everyone at the table froze. They looked at me shocked that I even take interest in such a topic.

"What?" Marella asked and my glare turned harder.

"What if you had it? Don't just dismiss the ability and ignore another person's pain just because you don't have it. Put yourself in their situations, have empathy and I don't mean the ability I mean real empathy." I said shocking everyone, yes I have real empathy is that such a surprise?! "How would you feel, constantly hiding how you feel, being marked a disgrace for something you can't control. How would you feel for being blamed and shamed like you were the one who killed those people? How would you feel if you had to hide your true self, forever live in sadness and emptiness, and even more! How would you fucking feel!" I ended up yelling and the room was dead silent, I took a deep breath to calm myself down before I finished. "My point is, just because there are only a few of them doesn't mean the pain and discrimination isn't there. Don't disgrace them and undermine them when you don't even know what they're going threw." I said and sat back down. I hadn't even noticed I had stood and slammed my hands on the table. I then grinned getting my goofy self back. "Anyway, for all we know they could be plotting to kill us."

~ Across the World~

A slim long blonde haired man felt a shiver go down his spine as he conversed with a man whose face was covered in scars. He reached up and rubbed the back of his neck while narrowing his eyes.

"What's wrong Fintan?" The scarred man asked seeing the change in the man with pointed ears in front of him.

"I don't know, just feels like someone's on to us," Fintan said smoothing the smoke of the flame he hadn't known sparked in his hand when the feeling crossed over him.

"That's impossible."

"It is, but it's smarter not to ignore it."

~Back to (Y/N)~

After that school was boring again except for work, it was actually fun. (I kinda forgot about her job honestly) Well, it was fun until that creepy lady walked in.

We were brewing something in the back when it happened. The thing we were brewing wasn't very interesting but what made it fun was that it kept exploding. EXPLOSIONS!!! Anyway we heard someone walk in and I fully intended to ignore them, not in the mood for another Karen but Kesler told me to assist them.

I walked into the front although annoyed and found a woman that looked like a female version of Asswhole, ah right the other asswhole not Alden. What was his name again, bitch-ass, crankyass, sassyass, oh Cassius. Anyway, his female look-alike had walked in and was waiting for me. When I stood in front of her I looked her up and down.

"Keefe's mother I assume," I said and her lips tightened.

"Lady Gisela and unfortunately yes." She practically sneered, ew what's her deal. " How might you know him?"

I grinned, "Hi name's (Y/N), formerly known as female Keefe Sencen and now known as hot prankster bad girl, or as you, I guess asked Keefe's prank partner and best friend." The woman looked annoyed. Bitch.

"I didn't ask and wasn't the Vacker his best friend." Now I gave her an annoyed look.

"People are capable of having more than one best friend," I said and finally, Kesler came in and took over, although I kept glancing at the woman. I noticed the little things, like the way she walked or how firm her voice was. When you fight long enough, both fighting ring-wise and war-wise, you pick up a few things. She clearly had the stance of a warrior and the voice of a leader, but she seemed to suppress it for some reason. Creepy. That's all I could come up with because of the aura surrounding her. It was dark and mysterious, along with manipulative. Yeah uh I know to stay away from this lady.

~The Next Day~

It was now night and me, Dex and Soph were at some empty place searching for stars for homework. I basically let them do all the work because I didn't want to although Dex was giving me looks throughout the time and Sophie being used to this didn't care, wait that makes me sound like a spoiled bitch. I do do my own work! . . . .  sometimes, listen the rest of the time I just don't do it. I don't make people do my homework, ok.

 Suddenly Sophie burned her hands and I rushed over, as she told Dex to call Elwin I examined her hands but glared at her. "Y'know I could do something right?" I said and she looked at me with a raised eyebrow and a knowing look.

"Oh? Well can you do something?" she asked and I stayed silent, she smirked. "Exactly."

~

"Now you're calling me at home and dragging me out of bed? Maybe it was better when you were afraid of me," Elwin teased when he got here. As Elwin's first serum failed and made another Sophie turned to Dex and me.

"You guys don't have to stay here, y'know." She said.

"Ok!" I said standing up, I was tired. . . . yes even though I was having a nap like five minutes ago, deal with it.

"What kind of friend would I be if left?" Dex said catching my arm and pulling me back down. I pouted, little bitch. I'm getting too predictable, gotta change tactics. But how?

I zoned out and took a nap on Sophie's lap the rest of the night because honestly? BORING! Except for a lot of Dex having a crush on my sister, buts that's just gross.

Anyway this chapter of my life, yes I figured you out universe! You use my life for entertainment you sick asswholes!! . . . . . . my life's cool, right? Anyway was very boring so come back next time to see how my sister broke another law and somehow I got dragged down with her! 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yeah nothing interesting happened except for (Y/N) being bored and taking naps so come back next to see how she acts toward the council, even I don't know yet! Wait she also defended arsonists so there's that, hmm oh and the Fintan and Gisela thing ehh not interesting but still.

~Sahiko

[skels-fallout-side-blog]

Omg my time is nigh.

Context because I've reshuffled ocs: Eleusis is a slightly sickly human child rescued by Snipe from the Caesars legion. Snipe is the third prototype synth who finished production after nick and dima escaped. Both live mostly down south, but came to Boston for answers about the institute.

Eleusis:

Liked actions -

pickpocketing "nearly didn' spot you do it myself"

"quick fingers mean quick profit, good skill to have"

"ya ever play piano with those sneaky hands?"

Helping others "folk'll aways need a hand, good ah ya to lend one"

"sparein' the world a lil pain? Good"

Being good to synths "the end of the day, they're just scared people like you n' me"

"knew ya had a good heart"

"glad somebody is at least given' em some grace"

Disliked actions-

Instigating violence "this ain't necessary"

"yer an asshole"

Malicious dialogue choices "who bled in yer damn sugar bombs this mornin?"

"ever think o' not bein' a prick?"

"I'm ashamed to make yer company"

Location talks-

Toy factory "well this is... Sad actually"

Playground "snipe took me to one of these when I was real li'l. slide had a hole in the middle. I had a blast playin' molerat in the gap"

Bunker with unbuilt mini nuke "recon the guy was more likely to blow 'imself up than anybody else"

Nuclear silo "fuckin'... Man Why'd they need all this crap. Seems they had plen'y enough to blow up the whole godamn country"

Vault 111 "this was yer home? It's... Cold. I'm sure it was lovely at the time"

Vault (other) "can't stand these sorta places, torture cubes more like it."

Picmans gallery "hmm. Morbid but... I mean they're raiders right? Least it ain't civilians..."

Graveyard "you every bury anyone? Never gets easier I'll tell you that"

Radioactive areas "ugh, we need to mosey. I ain't fair well in Geiger territory. Always been o' poor constitution"

Hubris comics "Always loved these things. You know my Baba actually lifted their name from one o' these? No word of a lie, swear down."

Diamond city "you'd recon there'd be more people in such a big area. Too pricey I might suspect..."

Concord "it's like an above-ground vault. An' that ain't a complement"

Salem "like a horror movie. An' I ain't got good odds in one o' those"

Sanctuary hills "wonder if that mister handy's still 'bout...?"

Goodneighbour "Heard good things. Well, approximately good anyways, mostly from my Baba."

Far harbour "y'know this is a might bit rougher than the brochure claims it is"

Seeing Dima "they made more o' y'all? Or is it a coincidence you've got my Baba's godamn face?"

Idk if anyone does it, but I think a fun thing/activity people should do with their Fallout OCs is to come up with affinity interests for them or make up locational dialogue for them. Kinda like if you were writing them as an actual companion in-game to flesh them out a bit more. I dunno, that's what I wanna try at least.

[stayevildarling]

For the ask thing you just reblogged:

5, 10, 15, 18, 29 🫶🏼

5. what made you start your blog?

I fell in love with ahs and started reading fanfiction at first but then decided to post my own🥰

10. would you say you’re an emotional person?

definitiely. I feel like over the years I have changed though. I feel more angry somehow, I can speak up for myself and don‘t take people‘s crap anymore

15. what do you think of when you hear the word “home”?

that has also changed over the years but I think my apartment has really become home to me because it‘s my safe space including my dog. London is home though, whenever I come back to england I feel home

18. do you believe in ghosts and/or aliens?

I don‘t believe in aliens really but I do believe in ghosts and spirits

29. what do you do when you’re sad?

cry or smoke 😅

[landofwindandskyscrapers]

31/52 Ten Things To Know About The Italian Economy A Review

Have you ever read a book that made you angry, sad and frustrated, but which you couldn’t put down? Or, even worse, that you felt almost morally obligated to finish? This is that book for me. “Ten Things To Know About The Italian Economy – Before It’s Too Late” by Alan Friedman is a book I only bought at the airport because it was on sale. There’s a good reason it was on sale, too – it’s already dated: it came out in 2018, but given how closely it tracks current events, it’s already almost obsolete. The book is an analysis/rant about the state of the Italian economy and its politics – ah, but I repeat myself. The book is written by an actual economist who seems good and is quite famous. These two things in combination give a very unflattering view on Italy, one which is entirely deserved. (imo) (in my opinion) Being the kind of person who tends to argue at the telly when the news is on, relatively little of what was discussed came as news to me… The Italian public debt is staggering, Italian bureaucracy chokes any hint of entrepreneurship, if birth rates don’t go up and we don’t start heavily accepting immigrants, the pension system will collapse… But seeing it black on white with hard numbers was something else. It didn’t help that Friedman has an almost condescending tone of writing, interspersing every chapter with stories from an ad-hoc imaginary Italian family whose circumstances are perfectly suited to the points he wants to make. It was immensely frustrating seeing a written history of how every Italian government since before I was born has proudly carried on the tradition of passing the buck. Now, my capacity to step outside of myself is something of a note of pride for me – so I can say that I wonder whether any other “first world” country might have its own equally scathing essay written about it. Scratch that, I’m virtually certain they do; Germans complain about slow trains and unemployment payments to the undeserving, France is two steps away from a race revolution at any moment, the less I say about my country of birth the better… But good lord. This book made me wish every Italian had studied economics and statistics instead of useless crap like Latin and literature. (I will stand by my previous statements; it’s my opinion and can be debated, but what cannot be debated is the dismal state of common knowledge in my country). I’m very, very tempted to buy the newer book by Friedman, which came out in 2022 – maybe the sequel will have a more encouraging ending. Subscribe now via https://ift.tt/xXVsrDl

[lingalibrary]

Manga Drama CD vol 2 - Star Ocean the Second Story: The Midnight King

Track 4: The Flower of Memories and The Forest of Nightmares

Translation: @hikari-kaitou

(A page turns.)

Girl: The king sent soldiers to the forest many times, but no one was ever able to make it all the way through the forest to the castle. The princess grew weaker and weaker, and those close to her assumed that if nothing was done, she would die. Then one night, a certain individual visited the princess’s private quarters. The man called himself the Midnight King, and he urged the princess, “Accompany me to my castle. Once you’re there, you shall have nothing to fear. I can offer you eternal rest.” And the princess replied--

__________

(The Midnight King knocks.)

Midnight King: May I come in?

Rena: Oh, uh, yes…

(The door opens and the Midnight King enters.)

Rena: Um!

Midnight King: Is this room not to your liking? I had it prepared for you as your private quarters because it is my finest room…

Rena: Oh, no! It’s not that!

Midnight King: Then, whatever is the problem? 

Rena: Um… Where are we? And I don’t even know why I was brought here…! 

Midnight King: It was so that I would never again lose sight-- 

Rena: Huh?

Midnight King: Of you. 

Rena: What do you…

Midnight King: As long as you remain within the walls of my castle, I can protect you from any calamity. I now possess that power! 

Rena: Protect… me?

Memory of Celine: It’s the middle of the night, and the threat of monster attack will follow us now wherever we go. 

Rena: But I’m in the middle of a journey with Claude, to learn more about the Sorcery Globe-- erm, to learn more about myself. So I can’t just stay--

Midnight King: Silence! 

Rena: !

Midnight King: Think it over carefully. I shall return later. 

(The Midnight King leaves and closes the door. He locks it behind him, followed by a jingling noise.)

Rena: ...Wait!

(Rena runs up to the door and tries to open it.)

Rena: ...It’s no good, it won’t open!

(She continues to struggle with the door until she gets tired.)

Rena: That man looked so sad... I wonder why.

__________

(There's the sound of walking.)

Girl (as narration): In order to reach the Midnight King’s castle, you first have to make it through the forest, the forest that the magicians’ spells had made labyrinthine and complicated. 

(The footsteps continue for a bit, then stop.)

Claude: Ahh, another dead end.

Ashton: What, again?!

Celine: All you’ve been doing is mindlessly following Claude, so you’re really in no position to complain. More importantly, Claude…

Claude: Yes?

Celine: Something’s been on my mind this whole time.

Claude: What’s that?

Celine: I feel like I know about this forest from a long time ago.

Claude: What do you mean by that? 

Celine: I’m not sure.

Precis: Hey, um--

Celine: What is it?

Precis: The doctor isn’t with us anymore…

Celine: Eh?

Claude: Ah-- Dr. Bowman! What the heck?! He’s the one who said we should stick together as much as possible! 

Precis: Hmm… But you know, I was talking to the doctor until just a second ago. Then I took my eyes off of him for just a second, and… 

Claude: What’s going on here?

Precis: I don’t know… 

Ashton: What should we do, Claude? 

Claude: For now, let’s look for Dr. Bowman. We can’t just leave him.

Celine: I… don’t think there’s much point in that. 

Claude: Celine… 

__________

(Bowman trudges along by himself.)

Bowman: Well, crap. I got separated from everyone else. The question is, how? 

(There's the sound of a woman crying softly.)

Bowman: ...Mm?

(The crying continues and Bowman walks towards the sound.)

Bowman: Hey you, what’s the matter? 

Woman: Please, help me. 

Bowman: What’s wrong? 

Woman: I twisted my ankle… 

Bowman: Oh? 

Bowman (Thinking): Hey, she’s pretty fine! 

Bowman: Alright, let me have a look. I might not look it, but actually, I’m a doctor. 

Woman: Ah, ok.

Bowman: Hmm? Ah, this is just a mild sprain. 

Woman: Ngh…!

Bowman: It would be best to put some ice on it, but I might have some medicine on me that’ll help. Umm…

(Bowman begins to search through his pockets for the medicine.)

Woman: Doctor? 

Bowman: Sure, hold on just a minute. I’m trying to find the medi... cine… 

Woman: Doctor?

Bowman: Hey… What’re you--

Bowman: What’s going on here? I feel my strength draining… out of everywhere where that woman’s hand touches me…!

Bowman: Nnk! Who… are you…? 

(The woman bursts into an echoing laughter.)

(There's a sound of wind, then it cuts off suddenly.)

__________

(Rena knocks on the door and struggles again with the doorknob.)

Rena: ! Open the door! Please let me out! Please! Someone! ...Ugh!

Rena: Oh, right! There’s a window! 

(Rena runs across the room and tries to open the window.)

Rena: It won’t open either… 

Rena (Thinking): Now what? 

Rena: Claudeeee! 

(There's wavering chime and suddenly a voice is heard behind Rena.)

Girl: Someone needs to wake this lady up from her dream.

Rena: Huh?! Who’s there?! 

Girl: Good evening!

Rena: You’re--!

Rena (Thinking): Why didn’t I hear the door open? 

(The girl walks up to Rena and there's a rustling sound.)

Girl: Here you go! You can have Tia’s flowers!

Rena: “Tia”? You’re giving this bouquet to me? 

Tia: Yep! Go on, take it. 

Rena: Eh? But--

Tia: Take good care of it, ok? 

Rena: Ok… thanks. 

Rena (Thinking): What a lovely, sweet scent. 

(Tia giggles.)

Rena (Thinking]): It’s almost as if… the scent is drawing me in. 

Tia: Good night. 

__________

(A bell jingles and the bustling sounds of people can be heard.)

Tia: Good morning, Mr. Scarecrow! Thanks for working so hard every day! 

(The bell jingles.)

Tia: My father told me. He said that you’re not just here to protect the fields; if we don’t have the crops that grow in this field, me and the rest of us wouldn’t be able to survive! So that basically means that you protect me and everyone else who lives in the village, right?

(The bell jingles.)

Tia: You’re incredible, Mr. Scarecrow! 

(The bell jingles.)

(Tia walks along with her mother.)

Tia’s Mom: Now listen here, Tia: no more sneaking out of bed to read picture books.

Tia: Ah…!

Tia’s Mom: Did you think I didn’t know about that? 

Tia: I’m sorry. 

Tia’s Mom: I’m glad you like the book so much, but I can’t have you losing sleep because you’re constantly reading it.

Tia: But I could read that book over and over and never get tired of it. The pictures are really pretty, and the Midnight King is super handsome!

Tia’s Mom: You’re not to stay up late anymore. 

Tia: Alright… 

(Tia's mother opens the door to her bedroom.)

Tia’s Mom: Alright then, good night, Tia.

Tia: Good night, Mother. 

(The door closes and Tia walks over to the window and opens it. The bell jingles again.)

Tia: Good evening, Mr. Scarecrow. Mother found out we were reading my picture book together. 

__________

(Precis runs through the labyrinth in a panic.)

Precis: I can’t take this! Claude! Ashton! Seriously, where did everyone go?! 

(There's a sound of a machine starting to whirr.)

Precis: ...What’s that sound? 

Precis: It’s coming from over here, right?

(Precis follows the sound to the machine.)

Precis: ...Ah!! Whoaaaa!! What a cool machine!!

(She runs up to take a closer look.)

Precis: ...Haha! Wowwww! 

(The machine releases a gas.)

Wah! What’s this mist?! Ah--uu-- I can feew my stwength fading awayyy… 

(The machine powers down.)

(There's a sound of wind, then it cuts off suddenly.)

__________

Memory of Celine: I can’t recall the title at the moment, but there was a story about a cursed, inescapable forest in a picture book I used to read when I was small. That forest was like a complicated maze because of the effects of the curse that had been placed on it. It would prey upon the weakness in the hearts of those who ventured into it, and lure each person, one-by-one, into a sleep from which they’d never wake. 

(Ashton walks along by himself.)

Ashton: Hello?! Claude?! Guys?! Where are you?! 

Ashton (Thinking): Ugh, I hate this… 

Ashton: Darn that Celene! Why did she have to go and tell us that scary story? The weakness in our hearts, huh… Well, I obviously don’t have anything like that! 

(After a pause, there's an encroaching ominous burbling sound and the growl of a monster. It comes upon him, one of the dragons yelp, and Ashton screams like a little girl.)

(There's a sound of wind, then it cuts off suddenly.)

__________

(Celine walks alone now.)

Celine: Claude? Ashton? … I can’t believe it, now I managed to get separated from the group too! When it comes to my weakness, th-there’s only one… Ah… I-I’ve got a bad feeling all of a sudden… 

(The sounds of an insect swarm buzzing can be heard moving near.)

Celine: I knew it! Nooooooo!! 

(There's a sound of wind, then it cuts off suddenly.)

[thespacedragons]

I'm on a journey (albeit still relatively short at this point) to ✨️being a better person✨️for both myself and others and thought I would share the things I've learned thus far. (I am very tired right now so probably won't catch everything, but will update as I think of and/or learn new things)

This thing was kind of a progression learning, so I'll give you kind of the step by step

I can try to understand everyone around me better

People have vastly different experiences and I might not completely understand them, but I can still try to empathize with them

Alright, some people do cringe/crazy/very Very weird things, but I can still sort of(?) Understand and empathize?

Ah, I do not understand or agree with you, but you are happy and it literally only affects you so it doesn't matter if I think it's cringe/crazy/mildly unhinged, I don't need to understand to empathize that you are a human being having fun and being happy. Good for you.

Ah, I can be cringe/mildly unhinged too and it doesn't matter as long as it makes me happy. :)

And now for a nonspecific nonordered things I've learned but I like the bullet points Sue me (A dash (-) will signify a continuing thought from the previous point)

Do you really hate it? Is it hate or are you just having a big feeling like anger or sadness or betrayal and you mold that into hate to justify not feeling the big feeling properly?

- If it is a big feeling, what made you feel that way? Sometimes taking a deep breath and just asking yourself why you feel somehow can help to figure out how to fix it or understand it better.

- If it's not an underlying big feeling that you can identify, does whatever you hate remind you of something in the past that caused a big feeling?

- In my experience there are very few things I actually hate, and more things that I'm just frustrated I can't help or fix or negotiate. My underlying big feeling for most of my hate is helplessness.

"You're not allowed to make your big feeling someone else's big problem" -Quote from podcast Childproof

Other people have the same mess of emotions bubbling around in them that you do in you, they get frustrated and angry and sad too

- Sometimes your feelings won't allow you to be there when someone else's feelings are out of wack and vice versa. It's ok to not be in the right state to help and it's ok if someone else isn't in the right state to help you. The world will go on, it will just be a bit more taxing.

Art isn't about the outcome, it's about making it. So make it

Don't beat yourself up if you don't have the mental/emotional/physical energy to do something. You need that time to rest, the task will still be there later. If necessary, ask for help, or even just for someone to sit in the same room.

It doesn't matter how ridiculous something feels, if it helps or if it makes you happy, it's right for you.

What's right for you might not be right for someone else and vice versa, we can give advice but it might not work for them just as others advice might not work for us and that's ok.

Wear whatever you want to and will feel comfortable and confident in. (Confidence might not come right away for many reasons, but it will come, so don't worry too much about not getting it right away)

You're gorgeous, or beautiful, or cute, or handsome, whatever your preffered word of compliment is, you are that, so it's ok to carry yourself like it.

If you feel like crap most of the time, I really hate to say this, I do, but you Need to make sure you drink enough water, eat enough food, and get enough sleep. Because Apparently *look of absolute disgust and loathing* taking care of yourself actually makes you feel better about yourself.

- Shower too, remember, when you are in the shower you will remember it is good, there is no reason to avoid the shower, it is a good place. If you can't stand to see your own body, keep the lights off, or keep just the flashlight of your phone pointed at the ceiling depending on visibility needed to function. Feeling clean Will make you feel better about yourself. And if you can't bring yourself to shower, keep some dry shampoo, anything is better than nothing.

ANYTHING IS BETTER THAN NOTHING, IF YOU CANT DO SOMETHING ALL THE WAY, DOING JUST A LITTLE IS BETTER THAN NOT DOING IT AT ALL. THIS APPLIES TO ALL THINGS. Can't food? Cereal is food, consume Something. Can't sleep? Nap when possible, rest when possible. Can't chores? Do just a little, just a few, if you can't do that, don't beat yourself up, the energy to do will come eventually. Can't go Do Things outside? Sit in a chair outside for a few minutes, for half an hour, for as long as you can stand it, bring a book or your phone. Exist.

Speak nicely to yourself. Do you always speak nicely to others when they mess up but berate yourself harshly when you do? It feels hypocritical, right? Speak to yourself as if you were someone else who made the mistake, you don't have to believe it at first, but keep doing it anyway because eventually it will help. (Ex. I'm so dumb for dropping the sandwich I just made on the floor. No, it was an accident, it's ok, we still have the ingredients and can make another. It's sad that it happened, but you don't need to be mean to yourself because of it. It's ok)

There will be times when you can't find beauty where you used to. Find things you know you find beautiful and choose to actively notice them. A flower growing in a sidewalk crack, a sunset or rise lighting up the sky, a particular color you like on a label or advertisement, the grain of wood in a desk or floor. Many things are beautiful, sometimes you just need to remember to look for them.

Want to do or read or watch a thing but you think it's too weird or out of your comfort zone? Do it, you don't have to share with everyone that you're doing it, you can see if you enjoy it privately, and then later if you want let loved ones know. It might be absolutely awesome, but you'll never know if you don't try.

Rest. You don't have to be productive all the time, you are allowed to rest beyond sleep, you are allowed to partake in calm little activities that don't mean anything technically but make you happy; watch TV, read a book, read a webtoon, make a little craft or do a puzzle or color a book, stare at a wall. Make time for things that you like that are restful as well as things you like that aren't.

Alright, I really should sleep so I guess if I edit this later I'll put it after this point, but this seems like a good enough list for now. I love you and go drink some water and unclench your jaw.

[straycatboogie]

2023/05/20 English

BGM: 川本真琴 - FRAGILE

What is my job/work? After a night of the trouble from being hacked on Facebook, I went to the workplace and did my work because I had to work from this morning. Indeed, my head had been full of the problem of Facebook, but the Facebook won't provide any money for me so I have to do my work steadily and dutifully. From other point, my work exactly lets me forget about Facebook. At first, I even thought as "this state of my mind will disturb my work therefore I want to go back to my home", but it would be a good choice to keep on working. I have kept on doing this job about 20 years (and today I met a foreign person and used my primal English a little). Today was the day that made me think the force and enigma of my work. Ah, once I had thought as "I never want to work anymore because I am from WASEDA!". Yes, it was a really foolish idea.

And also, I could think about the connection/friendship again. By now, I was a little bit too maniac/fanatic for connecting myself to someone else on various social media. That mind of wanting "too much connection" might be a reason of this hacking. Once, when I had been lonely, I had thought that I wanted to be famous or popular on the internet (it must be from esteem needs). I had even had a large connection that enabled me to have 3,000 followers. What a shame. If I can connect myself with really trustable people, then what do I need anymore? I have a lot of "alternative" ways of connection. Real connection, LINE, WhatsApp, etc... I thought I certainly have learned an important lesson from this trouble, therefore it must not be any waste of time or efforts. Indeed, I would dream of "huger" network/connection with new friends, and try to connect more and more...

At lunchtime, when I had rested my head because of the "recoil" of my morning work, A person talked to me. We met each other at the English conversation class this town had. I can remember how precious this event can be because we can connect through our grateful real life... How profound this real life is! With him, I enjoyed talking various topics. About the high school I had learned (it is in Tatsuno city, and the city is where a Japanese philosopher Kiyoshi Miki had been born. I am reading his book even though it might be too late to read). About the ALT(native English) teachers who enable to run/maintain that English conversation class...Ah, I remember that this Shiso city was once a really crap for me. I ever wanted to run away from here forever. So I "leaped dynamically" from this town to the big city Tokyo and went to Waseda. But now, I can love this rural town. In this town, I can enjoy meeting a lot of great people. I have to feel thankful for that fact. Yes, the real has brought me that happiness.

The evening, I finished reading Yukio Mishima's "Confessions of a Mask". I thought it must be a great comedy. I thought I found a sad man who had been controlled/driven by passion and desire... but, I am also the one who has been haunted by huge desire therefore basically a sad existence. As I always write, once when I had suffered from the fact that I couldn't understand what the love is completely, I was into some "fishy" logic as "love is a copied concept from Europe within Japanese society. "Love" is therefore a "souvenir" from foreign countries". I even declared that childish opinions of mine. But, I experienced certain events of love... and, I was even soaked into a woman who comes from England on Discord (I  believe I can confess this because everything has been over). And I wrote about desire again and again in this journal. It was a ridiculous event for me. Through those awkward days, I wish I could be tougher than once. I faced to the emotion toward women. I could say it was grateful because it pushed me forward. And... life goes on.

[i-did-not-mean-to]

Hi there again!

I wouldn't know if you remember me, so in the future can I always refer to myself as 🍃 anon? I requested Disappointment for the February challenge (kinda).

Anyways, after last we spoke, I'm a very rough spot right now and I hoping if you could write a little fic on protective legolas? He's my comfort character and you look like you are my comfort writer hun

Is this OK with yourself? - only if it is

Imagine being in the Company when the elves arrest the dwarves and being put in a cell far away from the others and one of the guards tries to get touchy-feely on you even though you're not interested until Legolas intervenes and comes to your rescue. - from @imaginexhobbit

And maybe beating the crap out the guy when tries to look up your skirt again and legolas realizes your his soulmate?

👋

Hello 🍃anon,

I am sorry to say that today was the worst day I had in a very, very long time and I am distraught to say the least.

Nonetheless, I have tried to write you something small...(Sorry, if it's overly depressed, as I said, today was hell)

Apparently, people also want to be tagged in requests :)

Feel free to ignore this :D

@blairsanne

@narniaandthenorth

@fizzyxcustard

@laurfilijames

@myselfandfantasy

@legolasbadass

@linasofia

@lathalea

@midearthwritings

Wanderer

Words: 1,5 k

Warnings: reference to assault, violence, etc

Ah, this was just your luck – or lack of luck really – to be in yet another impossible situation.

Ever since your birth – you assumed that you had been born like anybody else – under a particularly unlucky star, you had changed hands more often than a copper coin; everywhere you went, you were made to feel that you did not belong and that your stay with whatever group or race you were presently pestering would only last for a little while.

That was how you ended up joining a company of outright bizarre and interesting smelling dwarves on their way to Erebor; they might well have made it there without a single hitch, had they not taken pity on your sorry self and taken you in.

Now, your curse hung over them as well, and it struck in the slender and graceful form of Woodelves.

“You there,” a tall, pale creature with long flowing hair like black silk called out to you, “come over here.”

And so it began; you were now officially cut off from the closest thing to friends or protection you had known in a long while.

You were on your own.

“You’re a pretty thing,” he murmured, and you could smell the king’s wine on his breath.

Honestly, you were tired of being a ‘pretty thing’; this was not the first time you had been called that, but you wanted to be seen as more than a ‘thing’.

You did not know who or what you were, however you were sure that you were not a thing at all; the fear closing like an icy fist around your desperately beating heart belied the mere notion.

Had you not known loneliness and indignity, sadness, horror, and hope? Were those things even possible for lifeless objects sitting on a shelve until they were discarded only to be picked up by another who’d put them onto yet a different surface and forget about them?

Sometimes, you felt like a soul trapped in a shiny vessel, utterly alone and unheeded.

When the guard’s hand crept up your thigh, inserting itself between the thin tunic and your bare skin though, your thoughts snapped back into their earthly shell and you retreated – in helpless panic – against the cold, damp walls of the isolated cell you had been sent to.

Like a sheep singled out for slaughter, you were trapped, and your executioner was drawing ever closer.

Oh, he would hardly kill you, you knew, he would destroy and ravage something else that would make every breath you took agony to the point where living itself became odious to you.

His fingers – long and slender – splayed out, sprawling like poison ivy around your ribs, and you held your breath while you waited for the inevitable despoilment.

“Guard,” a rumbling voice thundered, “step away from that prisoner.”

“My prince,” as if stung by a bee, the guard tumbled back a few paces as he recognised the cold, forbidding voice cutting like a blade through the sticky coolness of the underground cells, “t’is but one of the dwarven scum party.”

“Thorin is a king,” the other Elf – tall and insanely handsome – declared calmly as he came down the stairs, “and obnoxious as he may be, he deserves more respect than you seem willing to pay him.”

With a dismissing, almost shooing motion of his gracile hand, the young royal sent away the guard, warning him that – if he ever caught him treating any of the guests or prisoners of the realm in that way again – he’d face dire consequences.

Then, he turned a gentle, inquisitive gaze upon you.

“Are you alright?” he asked, “This man and his behaviour are utterly despicable and not in the least representative of this realm.”

He seemed genuinely distressed by what he had just witnessed.

“I shall bring it to my father’s attention,” he went on, that almost tender gaze never leaving your face.

“I am quite well, prince,” you assured him, “do not trouble yourself on my behalf. I’d ask you to check on my party though, please.”

You did not know how deep the enmity between these two people ran, but this young prince struck you as reasonable and kind.

“They’re stubborn and loud,” you pleaded, “but they are good people, and I wouldn’t want any of them to come to harm.”

“Worry not,” he smiled warmly, a hint of mischievous amusement twinkling in his pale eyes, “they are in good hands.”

Nonetheless, after closing the door softly behind you – an expression strangely akin to regret washing over his elegant, distinguished features – he went down the row of cells with swift and almost noiseless steps.

Soon after, you heard the hearty, healthy, and very loud bellowing of your companions rise like the roar of the sea; all was well, they sounded angry but not tortured.

Just when you thought that you would rest for a while and wait for the others to come up with a plan or two, the echo of another step alarmed you.

“Well, well, well, pretty thing,” the same guard as before purred, “why don’t you get out of these wet clothes?”

It was true that the spray of a nearby waterfall had dampened your tunic and that the sweat of fear and exertion had contributed to the uncomfortable way the fabric clung to your clammy skin now, but that was not a reason to disrobe in front of a total stranger.

“I’ll go get you a blanket,” he promised; a tempting idea, you had to admit, but something in the glint of his eyes told you that this would be an exchange and not an act of charity.

“Come on,” he urged you, throwing suspicious glances over his shoulder periodically; he was not supposed or allowed to be here, you surmised, especially after what the prince had said.

If you gave in to his exhortations now, he would claim that whatever followed had been consensual, and so you crossed your arms over your chest stubbornly and claimed that you were perfectly comfortable and that you needed no blanket.

You were lying of course…and you had committed the grave error in judgement of making the guard mad by refusing to play along.

Legolas sat in his quarters but your eyes, your face, your whole demeanour haunted him; he had felt as if he had always known you.

It was like that one time he had found a perfect stone or the time a fawn had followed him home; in both cases, he had known within his living heart and his immortal soul that they were meant for him and that their perfection was perceived by only his eye and achieved only by his presence.

This stranger, he thought, had been made for him and – through a thousand perils and confusions – they had arrived in his home where they had always meant to turn up in good time.

Despite the joy and the relief he felt at this epiphany, there was another – darker, more dangerous, and much more pressing – instinct that tainted his happiness like a single drop of blood poisoning a well.

His steps leading him down to the cells again would not have been faster or more fluid if he had had wings and when – upon arriving at your cell – he saw that very same guard throwing open the door and reaching for you, he lunged forward blindly.

“You have been warned,” he growled even as those beautiful fingers – made for strings of lyres or of bows – dug into the guard’s scalp, wrenching him backwards by his hair, “and now, you shall learn that my words are not empty.”

Speechless, you looked on as he methodically but relentlessly reduced your would-be-attacker to a whimpering pile of limbs; you had seen bloodlust and fighting frenzy, but never had you been blessed enough to observe such a spectacle.

The prince’s punches were meticulous and precise while his face was serene and stern at the same time; it looked almost like an intricate dance of speed and elegance, only his dance partner could but twitch and shield his face as best he could.

“Desist,” you whispered after a long moment of quietly admiring the efficacity and the cold accuracy of this punishment, “this man has learned his lesson, I’m sure.” “Your heart is good,” the prince smiled as he bowed lightly to you, wiping his hands carelessly against the back of his tunic, “for you take pity even on the most unworthy of creatures.”

As he saw you shiver though, he frowned slightly and cocked his head. “He should not have taken advantage of this situation, clearly, you are cold and uncomfortable. Come with me, please,” he invited you, extending that hand, that had dealt such destructive retribution only a moment earlier, in warm kindness, “I shall take you upstairs and take care of you. It is not safe for you.”

“But…my companions,” you whispered, confused and afraid to be passed on from one group of strangers to another yet again.

“They shall be alright,” the prince assured you, “you have my word. Come with me, I know exactly where you belong.”

I hope this could cheer you up a little...

I might even write a follow-up to this when I get time :D

Lots of love and good courage to you, if you ever need someone to talk, you know where to find me!!!

I am here for you anon <3

[just-dreaming-marvel]

Unofficial Fathers Part 2

MAIN MASTERLIST

Avengers x Teen!Fem!Reader

Word Count: 5,850ish

Summary: Tony, Steve, and the whole team help you deal with the aftermath of your accident. Though it’s not as easy as anyone would like.

Notes: Read Unofficial Fathers Part 1 here. I hope this isn’t crap and that it makes sense.

“Ah!” You fell to the floor, your hands breaking your fall. “Stupid braces,” you muttered.

Your accident had happened about 6 months ago. Tony and Bruce had been working together to figure out braces for you for about two of those months. Only for the braces to never work right for one reason or other.

“Are you okay, Y/N?” Steve rushed up to your side.

“I’m fine,” you huffed, turning yourself to sit on your butt as you avoided Steve’s helping hands. “I think I’m done for today.”

“Already? We were just getting started.”

“Yeah, well, these stupid braces and my brain don’t want to work together. So I’m done for today.”

Steve sighed. “One more try.”

“Pa—“

“One more.”

“Fine.” You held your hands up. “Help me up.”

Steve smirked as he stood up and grabbed your hands. He carefully helped you up and steadied you. Tony and Bruce were observing from the deck above.

“Why aren’t they working?” Tony muttered, eyes trained on you. “Rhodey’s work. We had barely any issues with them. These—these literally won’t listen to her. Why?”

“Maybe it has something to do with her powers,” Bruce responded, studying the braces on a tablet. “Like, they won’t let her connect or something. Maybe tomorrow we hook up her brain to some monitors and watch how it interacts with the braces.”

“Yeah, maybe…”

“Hey, no. I know that tone. This is not your fault Tony. No one thinks that, especially Y/N.”

“Yeah, well, I still can’t help feel that way.”

“Try for her, please. Shuri and T’Challa should be here soon so that we can get their input as well.”

“Hopefully Shuri can see something that we can’t.”

“Damn it!” You exclaimed, falling back onto the floor and causing the men above to look your way. You punched the ground in frustration. “I’m done!”

“Y/N—“ Steve tried.

“No! I’m done! This stupid braces won’t work!” You looked at Steve with an anger he had never seen from you before. “Why the hell did you give me hope?!”

“Doll—“

“No!” Steve tried to reach for you again and you pushed away. “Stop! I can get out of this mess myself.”

With a sigh, Steve turned to look at Tony on the observation deck. Tony had a hand over his mouth, looking sadly down at you. Just by the man’s eyes, Steve could tell that Tony was taking on this upon himself. Making eye contact with Steve, Tony quickly shook his head and walked away, heading for his lab.

~~~

“Hey, kid!” Bucky greeted, coming into the common room. “How was today’s session?” Steve quickly made eye contact with his friend and shook his head.

“Fine,” you responded, focused on your phone. You were in your wheelchair, near the large wall of windows.

“Just fine?”

“Bucky,” Steve tried to warn.

“Yeah, just fine,” you retorted, still not looking his way.

“Was it Steve?” Bucky continued. “I know that he can be a bit of an old man.”

“Hey!” Steve exclaimed. “You’re older than me!”

“Steve was fine,” you replied.

Bucky furrowed his brows, concerned at your lack of any real emotion. “Just give it time kid,” he said. “It took my arm a little while to—“

“It’s not the same. I would have been better off with no legs at all.”

“Hey!” Both men exclaimed. “Don’t you dare think like that.”

“Or what?” You finally looked at them. “You’ll ground me? Sorry, but I’m already there.” 

Feeling that you weren’t going to be left alone, you began wheeling yourself away.

“Where are you going?” Steve wondered.

“Away,” you replied.

“Y/N.”

“I’m just going to my room, Pa. Jeez. Let me live a little, I’m almost 18.”

Bucky and Steve watched was you wheeled away. Their sad eyes following you until you disappeared.

“I don’t know what to do Buck,” Steve shook his head, head falling into his hands. “She was making progress and now… now we don’t know if it’s her or the braces or something else entirely.”

“When will Shuri and T’Challa be here?” Bucky asked.

“Sometime today. I’m hoping that they can help.”

“They helped me. They’ll be able to help her. How’s, uh, how’s Tony holding up?”

“You know him, he’s just as bad as you. Lets himself feel the weight and blame for everything.”

“It wasn’t his fault.”

“I know.”

“And it wasn’t yours either, punk. Y/N would have gone in there anyway.”

“She’s just a kid, Buck. She doesn’t deserve to be going through what she’s going through.”

“I agree. And that’s why we have been, and we’re going to be, with her every step of the way.”

~~~

You found yourself outside, near the furtherest end of the track. You were staring at the trainees racing around it. Not too long ago it was you racing around it. It was starting to get to you that you were beginning to forget what that all felt like. Walking. Running faster than anyone. All of it.

“Miss,” FRIDAY interrupted your thoughts. “Mr. Stark is requesting your presence in his lab.”

“Not now, FRIDAY,” you responded. “Tell him I’m busy.”

“Really? You think getting FRIDAY to lie for you would work?” Tony’s voice came through your phone. “I need you. Shuri and T’Challa are almost here.”

“Can’t it wait until tomorrow? I’m tired.”

“Honey, I know that you’re tired, but we need to find out what’s wrong. And Shuri won’t be able to stay long.”

“I’m all yours in the morning. Let me have the rest of the day to myself, Dad.”

Tony sighed. “Fine… do you want me to warm up the theater room and some popcorn? We could have a movie night?”

“I want to be by myself.”

“Please don’t shut me out, sweetheart. I just want to help.”

“I’ll be in for dinner.”

You took your phone and quickly shut it down. After putting it in a pocket on your chair, you went back to watching the trainees run. Slow and silent tears trickled down your cheeks as you watched them make their laps, wishing you could join them.

~~~

The sun was setting and you had yet to move from your spot. The team didn’t want to push you, though they had been keeping an eye on you out there. Tony had his arms folded as he watched you from the far windows of the common room. Steve sighed as he came up beside his teammate.

“She’s still out there,” he said.

“Hasn’t moved all afternoon,” Tony added, moving towards the bar. “She’s taking steps backwards.”

Steve followed. “It’s just a bad day, Tony.”

“She’s had bad days, Steve. This…” He began pouring himself a glass. “This is different.” Tony passed Steve a drink.

“Thanks.” The soldier took a swig. “Is Shuri in the lab?"

“Yeah, she brought somethings for Y/N to try out before—or, I guess, as we run more tests.”

“It’s going to work Tony. We’re going to help her.”

“I hope, because I don’t think I can fail her more than I already have.”

~~~

You had been trying to talk yourself out of it for about an hour. But you were even too damn stubborn for even yourself. You and your wheelchair were on the track. You had pushed yourself to the edge of the wheelchair, your feet touching the ground. But you couldn’t feel it, you couldn’t feel the track. With a deep breath, you pushed yourself from the wheelchair and tried to stand. You were immediately on the ground, head jolting back to hit against the edge of your wheelchair.

“Ow,” you groaned. Your hand rubbed the back of your head. You inhaled sharply when you felt liquid. Bringing your had back around, you noticed the blood. “Shit.”

You turned yourself onto your stomach so that you could grab your wheelchair easier. Lifting up your arms, you grabbed onto your wheelchair and heaved yourself up. You knew that your fathers were not going to be happy with you when you got inside.

“May I be of some assistance, Y/N?”

You practically jumped out of your chair, hand shooting up to  press against your chest. “Vision!” You exclaimed. “You scared me.”

“My apologies. I was just walking about the ground when I noticed you out here. Would you like some help getting inside?”

Your thoughts immediately went to the injury on the back of your head. You didn’t know how Vision would react, especially because you didn’t know how bad it actually was.

“Uh… I… well—“

“I’ll take her from here, Vis,” Bucky said, jogging up. “We’re supposed to be heading to the lab together, anyway.” You quirked a brow at Bucky, confused.

“Oh, yes, of course,” Vision responded. “I will just continue on my walk then.”

“Thanks, Vis,” you said, giving him a small smile.

He nodded before disappearing. Some walk. Bucky came up to you, shaking his head.

“You’re very lucky, young lady,” he said, shaking his finger at you. “Steve and Tony are sitting at the bar or they would have been furious to see you on the ground like that. Are you okay?”

“Actually… I don’t know,” you responded.

That surprised Bucky, but in a good way. Though he couldn’t show it. “What’s up?”

“I, uh, I hit my head.” You lift up your hand, revealing the blood on your finger tips.

“What?!” He rushed around to the back of your wheelchair. Thank goodness the tracks lights were on so that he could see the cut and the blood trickling down. “Shit. We need to get you to the med-bay. You may in stitches.”

“This is just great,” you grumbled. “Now no one will ever let me out of their sight.” You buried your head in your hands as Bucky began pushing you back towards the compound. “I’m so done.”

“It’s okay to feel that way, Y/N. In fact, it’s completely normal. But Shuri and T’Challa are here and they have ideas—“

“It doesn’t matter. None of their ideas could help me.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Really?” You turned your head to look up at Bucky. “Could any of their ideas allow me to access my powers again?” Bucky sighed, not answering. You scoffed and turned your head back around. “Yeah, didn’t think so.”

“Y/N—“

“No, you know what?” You grabbed your wheels and tried to take over the steering. “I’m fine. Let me just go to bed.” It was pointless, trying to steer yourself away against a man with a metal arm. “Bucky, please.”

“No. We’re going to fix up your head and they we’re going to have a movie night, we haven’t had one in a few weeks.”

“I want to be alone.”

“Not a chance.”

~~~

“What the hell happened?!” Tony exclaimed, him and Steve coming to a sliding stop in front of you in the med-bay.

Bucky was sitting beside you, holding your hand as a nurse stitched you up. When Steve and Tony finally noticed you were off the track, they asked FRIDAY where you had gone. The AI immediately told the men where you were located, which freaked them out.

“Y/N! Are you okay?” Steve fretted, coming up to kneel in front of you and cup your cheek. “What happened?”

“It’s nothing,” you grumbled, moving away from Steve’s hand.

“It’s nothing?! Then why is there a nurse stitch up the back of your head?!” Tony exclaimed.

“Stark,” Bucky said, trying to give a kind warning tone.

“What?!” Bucky shot him a look. “Okay, okay.” Tony held his hands up and took a deep breath. “What happened?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” you responded, eyes focused on your fidgeting hands.

“Bucky?” Steve questioned.

Bucky looked at you and then sighed. “She tried to walk on her own,” he replied.

“What?!” / “Why?!” / “Bucky!”

“I was in the compound, watching her when it happened. I didn’t get to her in time. She hit her head on the back of her chair.”

“Y/N,” Steve breathed out, “how could you—“

“Don’t finish that,” you interrupted. “You should already know the answer anyway. Am I done here?”

“Yes,” the nurse responded. “It will be tender for a little bit, but it should heal up fine.”

“Thank you,” Bucky said as the nurse walked away.

“Can I go to bed now?” You asked, still not looking at any of the men.

“No,” Tony answered. “We need to talk about this.”

“Not now, Dad, please. I’m too tired for this.”

“You know that you can’t get up on your own.”

“Thanks for the reminder, cause I needed another one.”

“You need to talk out your feelings, doll,” Steve said. “You’re not fine right now.”

“I don’t need to do anything. And I am. I’m just having a bad day, am I not allowed one of those?”

Steve sighed. “You are. We’re just worried.”

“Well stop. I’m fine. I’m going to bed and no one should dare try and stop me.”

~~~

“How are you feeling today, Y/N?” T’Challa asked as Shuri was making sure everything was ready for the tests today. Tony and Steve weren’t in there yet, which kinda surprised you. You hadn’t seen them all day.

“Fine,” you responded with a shrug.

“I heard you hit your head las—“

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay. Then how’s therapy? We’ve heard the braces are giving you trouble.”

“Yeah. Dad’s blaming it on himself, but I just don’t think I’m meant to walk again.”

Upon mention of him, Tony and Steve had paused before turning around the corner. They both felt another crack in their hearts at your defeated tone. You had been doing so good, being so positive, until just very recently. But now, it had seemed like you lost all hope.

“It’s not his fault though,” you continued. “It’s nobody’s fault.”

“Have you asked Colonel Rhodes about his braces?”

“I’ve kinda been ignoring him… I feel bad but… I get jealous every time I see him because his braces work and mine… well, mine don’t work for me.”

“I’m sure he’d understand.”

“Yeah. But then he’d talk to Dad and Pa about it and they’d get all guilty. Well, more guilty than they already feel. I see it in their eyes every time they look at me. It hurts, then makes me feel guilty for causing that.”

“You shouldn’t.”

“But I do.”

“Are you ready, Y/N?” Shuri asked, coming closer with a set of braces.

“I guess.”

“Where’s Stark and the Captain?” T’Challa wondered, looking around.

“We’re right here,” Steve replied, coming around the corner.

“Hey, kiddo,” Tony greeted. He immediately came up to you, put a gentle hand on your back, and leaned down to kiss the top of your head. “Sleep well?”

“Could have been better,” you mumbled.

Tony’s brow quirked. “Well you always tend to fall asleep to one of Cap’s briefings—“

“Hey!” Steve exclaimed, causing a small giggle to slip between your lips.

“—maybe we need to have one tonight.”

“My briefings aren’t that bad,” Steve grumbled, pouting slightly.

“Okay, Cap,” Tony patted the man’s back. “Whatever you say.”

“If you boys are done, we’re going to start now,” Shuri said, giving the men a disapproving look. “Y/N, I’m going to insert small sensors into six points of your head. I don’t want to fit you to any prosthetics until I get some readings on your brain. I want you to go about your normal routine, especially your therapy sessions with Stark’s braces.” 

“For how long?” Steve asked, coming to your free side and resting a hand on your shoulder.

“To get the best results, a month. I will be monitoring from Wakanda, making different braces and such as I get results.”

“It’s going to take that long?” You mumbled.

“As I’m sure you’ve realized in the past six months, Y/N, that this is not an easy or fast process.”

“You got that right,” you scoffed.

“You just need to be patient,” T’Challa said. “We have some of the best technology and scientific advances. We will find a way to help you.”

“When are the sensors going in?”

“As soon as you’d like,” Shuri said. “I already have everything set up. You’ll have to be put under, but for no longer than an hour.”

“Let’s just get it over with.” 

Tony and Steve shared a look. They didn’t know what to do to help you but be there for you.

“We’ll be here the whole time, sweetheart,” Tony said, placing a kiss on your head.

“Yeah,” Steve agreed, doing the same, “every second.”

~~~

The first day the sensors were in, you had a massive migraine. Shuri had said that would be normal and to take a day. Tony and Steve had to be stopped by Bucky and Natasha to let you have a few moments of peace and quiet to yourself. Other than that, your two fathers were always at your side.

The second day you woke up before everyone and headed to the gym. You took your time getting your braces on. Nervously, you bit your lip as you rolled yourself over to the bars. You knew that the sensors weren’t put in to help with your braces, but you couldn’t help but hope a little. 

Taking a deep breath, you reached up and gripped onto the bars. You used the bars to help pull you out of the wheelchair and hold yourself between them. You gripped the bar tightly as you tried to force the brace to move your leg. You got your foot to move forward barely anything. But that took a lot out of you. Readjusting your grip on the bars, you tried the other leg, with the same result.

“You aren’t suppose to be down here alone,” Sam’s voice came from the doorway.

You glanced up before focusing back down on your feet. “Yeah, well, I didn’t want an audience. Who told you I was down here?”

“FRIDAY.” Sam headed towards you.

“That little snitch.”

“Don’t get mad at the AI. I was already awake and she figured that you didn’t want Steve or Tony here.”

“It’s not that I don’t want them here,” you sighed. “It’s just… they—“

“It’s a lot of pressure from them.”

“Yeah,” you nodded. “I know they’re not trying to make me feel that way. But they are. And I don’t need anymore guilty or pitiful looks from them.”

Sam stood at the other end of the bars. He held out his hands, motioning you to come to him. “Well, I won’t do that to you, kid. Now, come or I’m going to start insulting you.”

You giggled. “Insulting me? You think that will get the braces to work with my brain?”

“It’s worth a shot.”

You nodded, focusing back on your feet. Taking another large breath, you tried to get your leg to move again. It did, only this time you couldn’t get your foot to straighten out causing you to trip over it. Sam lunged forward, catching you before you face planted.

“I got you, kid,” he said. “I got you.”

“This is so stupid, Sam,” you huffed as he stood you back up. “It isn’t fair… Rhodey’s braces work, so just Bucky’s arm. Why can’t mine?”

“I wish I knew, Y/N. I really did. But everyone’s trying. We all want you to be able to walk again.”

“I want to be able to run again.”

“Baby steps, kid. Literally.” He backed up a little, but not too far. “Come on, try again.”

You huffed, looking down again to focus on your feet. You got one foot to move a little, earning a cheer from Sam. You couldn’t help but smile a little. The next three little steps were successful as well.

“Very good, Y/N!” Sam exclaimed. “Almost to me.”

This was the best your braces had ever done, making you feel good. But, as always, that feeling couldn’t last forever. In the middle of your next step, the braces froze unwilling to move.

“What the—“ your muttering was halted when a rush of electricity shot from the braces.

“Y/N!” Sam exclaimed as you fell to the ground.

You cried out in pain as the electricity filled your whole body. Sam’s hands were hovering over you as he tried to figure out what to do without getting electrocuted himself.

“FRIDAY, get help!” Sam ordered.

“Already on it,” the AI replied. A few seconds later, Tony, Shuri, Steve, Bucky, and Bruce were rushing in.

“We’ve got to get those braces off of her,” Tony immediately said.

“I got it!” Bucky replied, using his metal hand to rip a section off of your leg.

The electricity immediately stop, allowing you to lie limp against the floor. You had your eyes closed as you breathed heavily. Steve was quick to pull you into his arms before Shuri hovered something over you.

“The sensors are still good,” Shuri confirmed. 

“Y/N,” Steve gently shook you, “talk to me, sweetheart.”

“Ow,” you grunted, still keeping your eyes closed. A few chuckled. 

“How are you feeling?”

“Like I sat in an electric chair.”

“This is all my fault,” Tony said, running a hand down my face. “I haven’t been able to figure out what’s wrong with the braces and now they go and do this.” He shook his head, turning to face away from everyone. His hand ran through his hair, tugging at it. “I can’t believe I keep failing like this.”

“Dad,” you called. You reached your arm out and opened your eyes slightly. “Please, turn around and look at me.” It took a few moments for him to give in, but eventually Tony faced you. “Can you come here?” You motioned him closer. He took your hand, letting you tug him closer. “This isn’t your fault. Nothing about the past six months have been your fault.”

“But—“

“Stop it. Yes, I may fail at showing that I don’t believe that it’s your fault. But I don’t. I don’t blame you. And I never will, even for my braces not working.”

“The braces—“

“I’m serious, Dad. Stop blaming yourself.” You looked up at Steve, who was still holding you. “Same goes for you, Pa. None of this is your fault.”

~~~

Bruce, Tony, and Shuri worked through the rest of the day trying to find out what happened to your braces and to build new ones. Steve, Sam, and Bucky spent the rest of the day researching other ways to help you. They all did this while you rested in your room, the electrocution taking a lot out of you.

“I’ve got it!” Bucky exclaimed, jolting Sam and Steve from the research they were doing. 

“What is it, Barnes?” Sam wondered.

“I can’t believe we haven’t thought of it before! The answer’s been right in front of our faces the whole time.”

“What are you talking about, Buck?” Steve asked.

Bucky jumped up, rushing out of the room. “I’ve got to go into the city.”

“Where?” Steve stood up. “Where are you going?!”

“The New York Sanctum!”

Sam and Steve shared a look before hurrying after their friend.

“Wait for us!”

“We’re coming too!”

~~~

“Does she know you’re here?” Dr. Strange asked.

When the men arrived, it didn’t surprise him all much. He knew what had happened and it was only a matter of time before someone was at his door asking about it.

“No,” Steve said, shaking his head. “We wanted to know if you’d be open to it first.”

Strange sighed. “Captain, there is a reason I have not brought this up to the team sooner. Learning magic is a high cost.”

“I’m sure she’d be willing to pay it,” Bucky said. “She just wants to walk again.”

“Her learning the mystic arts does not guarantee that Y/N will walk again, nor does it guarantee that she will gain her powers back.”

“Strange, we have to try,” Sam pled. “We’ve been there the whole time, watching her struggle with this. Y/N needs hope. This can be that.”

“You can not make agreements for her that only she can make.”

~~~

You were awoken from your nap by Tony’s yelling.

“No!” He yelled. “Absolutely not! We are not sending her away to learn to be a wizard. This isn’t Harry Potter!”

“Tony, this could be her one shot at walking again,” Steve argued. “Don’t you care about that?”

“Of course I do! What do you think I’ve been working myself to the bone for?! I want her to be able to walk again. Be able to chase us around the compound and feel free again. I want that more than anyone could possibly know.”

“I know, Tony, I know. I’m sorry.” Steve paused with a sigh. “This isn’t up to us though. This needs to be her choice.”

You could practically hear the gears turning in Tony’s head from where you were. But you didn’t care. You were simply confused, what were they fighting about exactly? Where would you be going?

“Hello, Y/N,” a voice said from the other side of your room.

You jumped, your hand going to your chest. You looked over with wide eyes as Dr. Strange stepped through a glowing portal. As he came closer to you, the portal closed.

“I’m sorry for scaring you,” he continued. “I just figured we should probably talk alone before those two barge in with their opinions.”

“Talk to me about what?”

Dr. Strange went on to explain what he had to offer, with the pros and cons of it. He also explained that the cons were the reason he had not brought it to you sooner. A part of you wanted to be furious at him, but you figured that he knew the mystic arts better than you did. 

“You would have to stay with the others in training,” he continued. “As to not distract you from what you where there to learn. You do not have to become a fully trained master of the mystic arts, but you have to be trained enough to be able to keep the spells you would need going.”

“No,” Tony said, entering the room with Steve. He pointed his finger at you as he made his way to you. “You’re not going. And you,” he pointed at Strange, “need to leave.”

“Tony, this isn’t your decision to make,” Steve scolded.

“She’s not 18 yet, so it is! She’s staying here and giving Shuri’s way a try.”

“And if it doesn’t, work?”

“Then we’ll call the wizard back and ask him for his help. We haven’t used all of our options yet!"

“Dad! I may not be 18, but neither of you are my official fathers,” you retorted. 

You knew that it would hurt them both, reminding them about that. But you saw no other way. Seeing Tony’s reaction towards it, honestly made your decision for you. He was taking all this all himself, too much. He was going to kill himself finding a way to help you, and you couldn’t let that happen.

“I’m going with Strange,” you continued. “I know the consequences, and I’m going today.” You met Tony’s gaze. “I’m sorry, Dad. You’ve tried your best, but we have to give something else a try.” You grabbed one of his hands, holding it with both of yours. “Please, trust me with this.”

Tony wanted so desperately to trust you. But he couldn’t help but feel that you didn’t trust in him to help you. That enormous weight of guilt already on him, grew. Tony tore his hand out of your grip.

“Fine, go,” he huffed. “Like you said, we aren’t your real fathers. We can’t stop you.” He turned, heading for the door.

“Dad!” You called, but he continued on. “Dad!” You looked at Steve, tears clouding your vision. “Are you going to walk away too?”

“Never,” Steve shook his head, bring you in for a large hug. “If this is what you want, I fully support you. But don’t feel like this is your only option.”

“I want to do it. I want to give it a try. But I don’t want to leave Dad like this. I don’t want him mad at me.”

Steve sighed, pulling back so that he could look at your face. “Tony’s not mad at you. He’s mad at himself. He wants to be the one to help you because he feels that he caused this.”

“But I—“

“It doesn’t matter what you say. He still believes that it’s his fault. And he may always feel that way, it just may dim. Please don’t blame yourself for any of this. He just needs time and to, maybe, step away from this problem.”

“That’s why I need to go. I can’t have you all distracted.”

“Doll, you’re not a distraction. You’re anything but. And if this is what you really want, I fully support you.”

“Thanks Pa.” You pulled him in for another hug. “Take care of everyone while I’m gone.”

“Of course.” He kissed your cheek. “I’m so proud of you.”

You pulled away and looked at Dr. Strange. “I’m ready. If you’re willing to teach me.”

“I am,” Strange responded, holding out his hand. “Let’s go.”

~~~

Training was not easy. And you never thought it was going to be. There was a lot you were required to learn before you even got to testing any spells that could help you. Even while sitting in a wheelchair, every day was exhausting. Due to worrying about how your progress would be affected, Strange didn’t allow you to contact any of the team. This was hard on not just you, but the whole team. 

Tony was grumpier than usual, to no ones surprise. And was now carrying guilt about how he left you that day. Sometimes Pepper would find him making improvements to your room at night. Muttering something like, “have to keep it up to date for when she does decide to appear through a portal”. Steve was doing his best to take care of everyone like he had promised you. Though sometimes he forgot to care of himself. Luckily, Natasha, Sam, and Bucky were there to help with that. 

And it didn’t get any easier for any of you for 10 months. That’s right, it took you 10 months before you felt like you could go home. You had chosen to learn a little magic, with promises to come back and learn more. You just needed to see your family.

It was movie night when you decided to make your return. You had checked through a small portal to make sure they were all there. And sure enough, they were. You waited until they were well into the movie before placing yourself on a chair behind them all. Your heart burst with joy and every laugh and comment that was made. Oh how you had missed them all so much.

When the movie was over, the lights came on. Tony was the first one to stand up, stretching.

“Well, that was a good one,” he said. “Only wish—“ He suddenly stopped, eyes going wide once they laid on you. “Y/N,” he whispered.

A few “what’s” and “Y/N’s” were heard as the whole team looked where Tony was. Steve quickly got up from his seat as well. You stayed sitting where you were, not ready to move yet.

“Y/N?” Steve questioned, eyes glimmering with happy tears.

“Hey, Pa,” you smiled, holding back your own tears. “Hey, Dad.”

“You’re here,” Tony whispered, like he was in shock.

“Yes, Dad. I’m here. And I have something to show you.” You pushed yourself from your seat. Bucky was quickly at your side to help you. You push his hands away. “I got this, Buck.”

He smiled at you, kissing your cheek quickly before stepping back. You took a deep breath as you took a step. You had been practicing this for only a month. So there was still a chance you could trip, but you knew someone would catch you. You could hear everyone’s breath of reliefs and shock as you took your first step. You continued on without missing a beat, heading straight to Tony. Letting tears slip down your cheeks, you made it to Tony, pulling him into a tight hug. He quickly hugged you back, even tighter.

“You’re okay,” he whispered.

“I’m okay,” you said. “I’m right here.”

He held you closer, kissing your head. “I’m so sorry. I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too, Dad.”

From beside the two of you, Steve cleared his throat. “Can I get a hug?” He asked. You giggled, releasing Tony and turning to hug Steve. He hugged you tightly, lifting you up from the ground. “It wasn’t the same without you here, doll.”

“I wasn’t the same without any of you.”

You walked around the room, making everyone (but Vision) cry as you greeted them. It was wonderful to be back with everyone again. You all stayed up talking, swapping stories from the past 10 months you were separated. You ended up falling asleep with your head in Tony’s lap and your feet in Steve’s. Not wanting to move you, they willingly fell asleep on the couch with you.

In the morning, you woke up to whispers. Looking around, you noticed that Steve and Tony weren’t on the couch with you anymore. Peeking over the couch, you noticed the whole team gathered in the kitchen.

“She’s awake!” Bucky announced. “Come here, Y/N.” He waved you towards them.

You stood up, stretching out. “Well, good morning to you all too,” you replied. You walked over, noticing the pastries that littered the counter and the decorations. “What’s all this?”

“It’s a mix of a welcome home breakfast and birthday breakfast,” Tony answered, putting arm around your shoulders once you wee close enough. 

“We also have a present for you,” Steve said, pulling a thin box out from behind his back. He held it out for you. “Open it.”

With shaky hands, you took the box and carefully untied the ribbon keeping it closed. You set the box on the counter and took off the top. Inside there was tissue paper, you moved it to reveal an official looking document. You swallowed as you picked it up. You gasped as you read it through.

“You’re… I’m… Y/N Rogers-Stark?” You giggled through the emotion that was building up in your throat.

“We know that you’re now 18 and it doesn’t matter all that much,” Steve said.

“But we wanted it to be official,” Tony continued. “Though it was harder than it looks since Steve and I aren’t married, or will we ever be.”

“You two are my… my fathers? Officially?”

“Yes,” Steve replied. “Is that okay?”

You jumped, bringing them other in for a hug. “Yes! Yes! Yes! Thank you!” They both hugged back. “I love you both so much!”

“We love you too, sweetheart,” Tony said.

“Always,” Steve added.

TAGLIST INFORMATION

[ashasmonsters]

The Thru-Hiker

Female reader x Male mothperson (Desmond)

Citrus rating: Lemon

Content: Full-on smut, references to unhappy breakups

Words: 5.1k

Note: Here's the story that earns me the "18+" in my description. This is my first time making anything this smutty public, so any feedback or criticism would be appreciated. Enjoy!

You raised the viewfinder to your eye. The rolling hills fit within the frame-lines neatly, the trail before you leading straight down the middle and towards the horizon. With a satisfying click the shutter fired. You lowered the camera and cranked the film advance lever, confident that shot would turn out well. You let the camera dangle from your shoulder once again as you looked around: this spot was close enough to the main trail that you wouldn't need any "breadcrumbs" to lead you back to it in the morning. The sun would finish setting in an hour or so, and bird chirps had given way to trilling crickets and cicadas. It was warm enough that you didn't need to build a fire. Your stove would do just fine.

"That's a nice camera."

You turned towards the voice. Standing behind you, closer to the main trail and obscured slightly by foliage, loomed a lanky mothman. He wore clothes appropriate for hiking the Appalachian trail, though you hadn't seen him around. This meant he was quick or hiking the opposite direction as you.

"Thanks." You answered. He pushed a few low-hanging twigs out of the way and took a step towards you.

"Is that a..." he paused, his brow furrowing above his red compound eyes as he searched for a word, "Yashica, right?"

"Mamiya, actually." You answered, hefting the brick-shaped camera from your hip where it dangled. "It's been a pain to hike with, but I love it all the same."

"I'm sure you've got some excellent shots in that thing. I'm Desmond." He closed the remaining distance and tenderly extended a chitinous claw. You shook it in turn and returned his greeting.

"I don't believe I've seen you on the trail, Desmond," you said, "are you using those wings or hiking southbound?"

"Oh, I'm hiking southbound. Flying would defeat the purpose, wouldn't it?"

"I guess that is a silly question." You lowered your eyes and made eye contact with his hiking boots. "I'm heading northbound."

"Hm. You must have started the trail pretty recently."

"That's right. I started maybe three weeks ago. You must be pretty close to finishing if you're going southbound."

"Been on the trail for five months." He answered.

"Wow." You breathed. Maybe mothmen wore it better, but he certainly looked neat for having lived in the wilderness for almost half a year. You caught yourself staring. "Um, got any tips for a relatively fresh hiker like me?"

"Take your time and enjoy yourself." He said, looking down at you. "The trail is going to take the better part of a year from you no matter what, so there's no point in rushing it."

"Thanks for the advice." A pause. You saw your reflection in his ruby eyes. "Anyway... I don't want to keep you from the trail, being nocturnal and all." You failed to suppress a tinge of longing in your voice. The sun started to kiss the horizon, making the canopy above you look like it was on fire.

"Well, actually..." Desmond rested a claw on the back of his neck fluff, "I was going to ask if you would share this spot with me. It's going to be a full moon and I planned to take a rest to enjoy it."

"Oh," you said, glad the sunset was masking your blush, "that should be fine, then."

"I don't want to impose, I could always find my own—"

"No, really, it's fine." You said, gesturing around the sizeable clearing. "We're sharing a view, not a cot. I don't mind."

"Ah, right." He played with his neck fluff again. "Well then, let's not waste the daylight." You nodded and slid your pack off.

Your sleeping arrangements for the trail had been spartan, but still comfortable. You carried a thin foam pad which rolled up nicely and fit under your sleeping bag, a tarp with hooks for hanging from above, a camp stove, and a sack to keep your food strung up a branch and away from animals.

All of this was set up fairly quickly since Desmond was helping you. He was quite tall, which made stringing up the extra food much easier than when you had done it alone. In no time, your foam pad was safely encircled by your hanging tarp and your stove was boiling a pot of water. Tonight's dinner was an Appalachian Trail classic: dehydrated cheesy rice. You took the initiative to invoke full-on luxury by adding a handful of equally dehydrated broccoli florets. You had a guest to entertain, after all.

"Thanks for making me breakfast. Dinner, in your case." Desmond said. The dim blue light from the camp stove caught only the very edges of his chitinous frame. His red eyes shone bright like a cat's through the steam from the culinary masterpiece cooking between you two.

"Consider it my treat." You smiled back. There was a pause, so you pulled a topic from the air. "Are you a photographer too? Not many people can tell apart the brands of these old things." You patted your Mamiya camera as if it were a tiny metal lapdog.

"Ah, no," He said, almost defensively, "if you have compound eyes like me, you can't really look through viewfinders. It just doesn't work."

"Right, sorry." You rubbed the back of your neck. "Where does your camera knowledge come from, then?"

"Well... you know the old mothpeople stereotype about how we like light?"

"Um." You spoke carefully. "I have heard of it."

"I kinda live up to that stereotype. Like, very much. It's why I wanted to stop here to watch the full moon."

"Okay, but how does that tie into cameras?"

"It's kind of embarrassing." He fidgeted with his long white neck fuzz. "It's the flash. When it goes off, it's like... like..."

"Like a drug?" You finished for him.

"No! Not like that. It's not addictive... I don't think. It's more like... what's that thing humans do with their nails and their skin?"

"Like scratching an itch?"

"Yes! Exactly." He said excitedly. "I don't itch, but if I did, I imagined it would feel like when a camera flash goes off."

You chuckled even though you knew he was a little embarrassed. This whole situation was just too absurd, too odd.

"So you're like a connoisseur of camera flashes." A pause. He lowered his gaze.

"Mamiyas have the best one." You chuckled again.

"Well, then." You pulled your camera from your bag and held it before you. "May I take your portrait?"

"If it's no trouble," his antennae perked up, "yes please."

Wrestling the camera into shooting position, you flipped the viewfinder open and aimed it squarely at him. The scene fit perfectly within the frame-lines; the glowing blue stove flames in the foreground and Desmond's red eyes neatly in the middle.

"Looks good to me." You said, pressing the flash release. The flash, a piece of metal the size of your thumb, sprung out of the camera and whined as the battery charged it.

"Oh, wow." He noted. You pressed the shutter—

"Goddamn!" Desmond cried, shuddering. Briefly, a low chirr seemed to emanate from him. "Pardon my French. That was good."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it. Most people hate when I ask to take their portrait." You cranked the film advance lever and smiled. You returned your camera to its place in your bag, then... remembered there was a meal on the stove. "Crap, I hope the bottom isn't burning." You said, quickly grabbing the stirring spoon and scraping the bottom of the pot. You continued until you were sure the food was in good shape.

"You know, when I thought about making this trek, I was worried about getting lonely. Like I wouldn't be able to put up with just myself for so long... but I've already met so many people and they've all been kind." You continued stirring the meal.

"Then what made you consider it in the first place?" Desmond asked, cocking an antenna.

"Oh... you know... adventure." You lied. The resulting pause made you painfully aware of how bad of a liar you are. The cheesy rice bubbled and spat steam at you as if heckling your poor performance.

"I'd believe that if you had a fedora and a whip. And knew where the holy grail was." He chuckled, his mandibles clicking.

"What?"

"Ah, just a stupid joke. There's these old movies..." He cut himself off and extended an empty claw, taking the spoon from you and making it his turn to stir. "I don't want to tell you your business, but everybody I've met in the past five months comes to the trail to run from something."

"Well... you're right that it's definitely my business." You tried not to scowl. The turn in conversation had resurrected an unpleasant feeling in your heart; something in the same neighborhood as shame or sadness.

"Not if what you're running from is the law and you're a serial killer or something. Then that's definitely my business." He clicked once more. His attempt to lighten the conversation didn't help that feeling much. The cheesy rice heckled him this time.

"I'm not a serial killer, I promise." You started, drawing in a sharp breath. Perhaps you just needed to vent. Maybe that would ease this malaise. "Why don't you start? Tell me what you're running from first, then I'll tell you about me." You took the stirring spoon back from him. He ran a claw down his face.

"I'm running from a breakup. We dated for three years." He sighed.

"I'm... sorry." You said, unsure of what else to say.

"Don't apologize; not unless you're the girl she ran off with." His mandibles clicked weakly. "I'm kidding. She didn't run off or anything. She didn't even cheat. She just realized that men weren't for her."

You raised an eyebrow. "Three whole years?"

"It didn't take her that long to realize it, just that long to work up the courage to tell me. Maybe I wasn't her true love, but she cared about me a lot. She was so scared of hurting me that she bottled it up for most of that time."

"You didn't want to remain friends?"

"I did— and I still do. I... I just said three things: 'I need some time to process this,' 'I'm in a lot of pain but it's not your fault,' and 'I'm going hiking for six months, call me back when I'm done.' That's all I could think of in the moment, and now I'm here."

"That's rough."

"You're telling me." His shoulders dropped. "I'm used to breakups with jerks. That I can make peace with, because then it's like a problem that solves itself. Jerk breaks up with you, therefore no more jerk to deal with. But... when it's someone that you love, that you want the best for, and that means they have to move on... that's something I'm still trying to work out." He sighed hard and lowered his crimson eyes. "I think the rice is done."

You were so caught up in his pained explanation that you lost track of time. You quickly turned off the camp stove and set the pot on the ground.

"Thanks for reminding me." You grabbed your enamel bowl as he readied his and started dishing out the rice and broccoli. You both sat there in silence, enjoying the feeling of hot food in hand. "Anyway, I guess it's my turn to share."

"Please. I wouldn't want to dump my problems on you without hearing out yours."

"I had a breakup too, though honestly I think mine wasn't as rough as yours." You said.

"We all go through different things. It's not a contest." Desmond said, idly poking his steaming meal. "Tell me about it, if you want."

So you did. Over the course of the meal, you told Desmond all about your past relationship: the fights you had with your ex, the nights spent in separate sleeping arrangements, the endless worry over how much of it was your fault. He nodded sympathetically with each painful memory you unraveled to him. Remembering it all made you feel worse, but having him listen made it feel much better. When you had no more to say, he stared at you. You saw yourself reflected in his eyes. Your spoon was trembling.

"It's okay to cry. I won't mind." Was all Desmond said before you had to set down your food and hold your face in your hands. It's like you had been saving up a surplus of tears throughout all these events and just barely they were escaping you. You could hear Desmond awkwardly scoot over in the dirt to your side before he offered a rigid shoulder to you.

"Chitin isn't exactly memory foam, but..." You rested your head on him without a second thought. One of his claws found its way to your shoulder and you felt better for it. This was the first time you had mentioned your breakup out loud and unquestionably the first time anyone had offered you a shoulder to cry on, literally or figuratively.  You quickly came to find even Desmond's exoskeleton quite comfortable.

"Thanks for listening." You said as your sobs started to slow. He plainly chirred in response, making his grip on your shoulder a little tighter. His embrace was the first one you had felt since the breakup. You felt warm and safe in a way you had previously only had with your ex long ago. His neck fluff tickled you as he leaned his head onto yours.

"It's okay." You could feel his mandibles nudge your cheek as he spoke. "I know how hard it is." Your composure returned, and you stilled yourself against him. You finally removed your hands from your face, your eyes bloodshot.

"I'm glad I'm not wearing makeup." You chuckled weakly. "Otherwise my cheeks would look like a barcode right now."

"That's the spirit. Enjoy the little things." He rubbed your shoulder. "That's what the trail is all about."

You found yourself naturally holding Desmond closer, burying yourself in his neck fluff and wrapping an arm around his side as he held you. He smelled like pine and smoke. You grabbed your bowl of food once more and resumed eating, not leaving Desmond's side.

"I'm sorry for smearing my tears all over you." You said, coming back to reality. The taste of rehydrated cheesy rice wasn't great, but it was warm and familiar. Combined with Desmond's arm wrapped around you, the pain and baggage from the breakup left you like grime after a shower.

"It's alright." He said. "If moths could cry, I'd be crying all over you too. We're in the same shitty breakup boat."

He and you sat there together, finishing the meal. The camp stove had been turned off for a while now, and the only warmth you felt was your own, reflected off his chitin. The pause was permeated by lesser insects chirping and wind gently rustling the branches above. As you finished your food, you became painfully aware that Desmond couldn't hold you forever. He'd have to get in his sleeping bag eventually, and in the morning, continue his hike to nowhere other than your distant memories. Or, maybe...

"Want to share my sleeping bag with me?" The words left your mouth before you could even react. A second later, you realized what you had said and your heart raced. Your face found itself hidden in your hands again.

Why the fuck would you say that? Are you crazy? How would you feel if he randomly propositioned you for sex, huh? To which your responded to yourself with, Screw it, I'd be down for that.

Oh well. The fact he'd leave forever in the morning was both a blessing and a curse... but for now, mostly a blessing. It didn't matter if you were "rebounding" or doing something impulsive. Whatever happened tonight would stay in tonight. You and him would go your separate ways and there wouldn't be any regrets to be had. You practically held your breath as he processed what you said; the pause felt infinitely long.

"I'd love to." He broke the silence, his mandibles clicking more than usual. "Unless you're having second thoughts."

You looked up at him and shook your head. Wordlessly, he took your hand stood up with you. You led him to your dangling tarp wherein your sleeping bag and foam pad rested. Luxurious it was not, but as you slapped aside the flap and pulled Desmond in behind you, little else other than him was on your mind. You sat down on your "bed" and turned round, looking at him. His saucer-sized red eyes glowed as they met your gaze. He stepped closer.

"You're sure?" He said, kneeling before you. "I don't want to—"

You leaned forward and grabbed his head, clumsily planting a kiss where his mouth would be if he was human. It seemed to do the trick; he gasped and relaxed, his mandibles caressing your cheeks. You pulled back to breathe.

"I'm not asking you to marry me." You planted another kiss on him, tugging on his neck fluff. "I'm asking you to keep me company tonight."

"If you insist." He clicked. Something in his tone changed. For the first time his voice had timbre and need. He had left his tone suited for polite conversation and jokes outside your tarp. Here on your twin-sized foam pad, all pretenses were gone. You both knew you were going to give yourselves to each other; yet he surprised you by tugging the neck of your shirt down and scattering little kisses from your chin to your collarbone with his proboscis. It was rough and leathery and frankly didn't feel like anything you had touched before. You shuddered when he took it with him, descending past your breasts and peeling your shirt off your belly.

"Desmond..." You sighed, the only thing keeping this encounter casual being the button on your jeans.

"Everything alright so far?" He looked up at you with his large eyes, his mandibles brushing against your thigh as he spoke.

"Excellent." You breathed, resting a hand on the back of his neck fluff. "Please..." You used the same hand to ever-so-gently nudge him closer to your midst, which was already roiling with burning need. With a single claw, he carefully undid the button and zipper. You shimmied out of your jeans until his neck fluff  tickled the inside of your exposed thighs; your underwear soon followed. He clicked some more as you fully exposed your entrance to him, his eyes studying you and his claws gently finding their way to each of your legs.

"Forgive me, it's been a while." He said as he lowered his face into you. You reclined further, only gazing upwards to the tarp and a tiny patch of starry sky.

"Don't talk, just— Ah!" He pulled a gasp from you as he began his ministrations. With your head resting on the foam pad, you just closed your eyes and let the sensations fill you. Something of his, you weren't quite sure what, playfully danced around the edges of your entrance until it found its mark. It gently flicked across that tender nub and your hips bucked in response. You held his neck plumage tighter, desperately tugging him closer to you.

"Keep going, that's— oh, that's perfect..." He didn't resist your pull. If anything, as his fuzz tickled you and his mandibles started to prod at your folds he increased his fervor. Relentlessly he played across all parts of you at once. Hard chitinous mandibles spread you open while his proboscis felt like it was everywhere. It rubbed your bead with every advance it made into you, filling you with a tingling warmth that spread throughout your whole body. He didn't let up at all, your breath hitching and leaving you as moans. You rocked your hips and whined. Harder and harder, rhythmically to a rapidly increasing tempo. You gripped him tighter, burying his face into you. Ecstasy built within your core with each surge of his "tongue" until you could hold on no longer.

"Oh, oh!" You cried, your body seizing and legs locking around his shoulders. Pleasure crackled around your whole body and there, in the dark with Desmond wordlessly working you, you weren't sure how much time you spent at the peak. Slowly, the sparks behind your eyes stopped flying. Your breath resumed its normal rhythm. Lifting your head off your sleeping bag, you made eye contact with his glowing red orbs, the only source of light under your tarp.

"How did I do?" He chittered, his grin smug enough for you to sense even in the darkness.

"You were fantastic." You indulged him, running your hand through his fuzz as he crawled over top of you. He pressed his forehead to yours.

"I didn't tire you out, did I?" He asked before descending upon you and kissing you lightly. With the gap between you two closed, you felt something tumescent and twitching under his shorts brush against you.

"I suppose I can stay up some more." You giggled as his fuzz tickled your collarbone. "I'll just sleep in."

"Glad to hear it." Desmond rasped. His voice grew ragged as he nipped at your neck, cradling your chin in one claw and using the other to undo his shorts. In the darkness, you could only feel something slick, smooth, and long come to rest on your belly. You squeezed your thighs around it. Desmond immediately chirred louder than before, sounding like a baritone version of the insects outside. His deep timbre resonated inside you.

"Excited?" You teased, his length completely at your mercy as you held it between your legs.

"I've forgotten how warm humans feel." He rumbled.

"Can I jog your memory?"

"Please."

You released him from your thighs and reached down with a hand. You felt the entirety of his length in your grasp; it was delightfully slick and uniform with pleasant little ridges to encounter as your hand traveled towards his base. You grasped it gently, eliciting more bassy chitters from him as you angled it towards your entrance. You fumbled a bit in the darkness, but after a few tries his tip rested at your threshold. His eyes met yours.

"Ready?" He clicked.

"Go ahead." You gripped his shoulders and pulled him close, nestling your face in his fluff as he started entering you. His hips slowly began to close the distance, each ridge on his length pushing a squeak out of you. His pace was deliciously slow. You had just enough time to adjust but not to catch your breath. All you could do was hold him tight in the darkness, nothing but the sensation and his chirring to occupy your mind. It felt like an eternity of slowly being filled by him. Eventually, cool chitin met your wet bundle of nerves, sending electric pleasure up your spine and forcing a gasp out of you.

"That's all of it." He grunted, his body completely flush with yours. "Do you feel alright?"

"Give me a moment." you said, exhaling sharply. The sensation of fullness with him hilted completely within you took your breath away. Little moans escaped you as his shaft quivered inside your depths. Embracing him, you found a steady breathing rhythm once more. "Okay, you can move."

With only chitters in response, he buried his head in the nape of your neck, his mandibles poking and prodding as he peppered you with kisses. His hardness withdrew just as slowly as when he entered you, then returned with a steady tempo. Each time his hips rocked you moaned into his fuzz. You imagined if you and Desmond had met at a different time or a different place, you'd be voicing your pleasures into a pillow. Since he had started his rhythmic thrusts, Desmond held a low, purring chirr that surged each time his pelvis met yours.

He chittered something specific, completely forgoing English as he picked up speed. He released your shoulders from his grasp. Changing position, he now kneeled upright with his knees on either side of your rear and his claws firmly gripping your thighs. The new leverage and angle made you squeal. He pumped in earnest now, both the speed and impact making you moan with nothing to stifle your voice.

"Desmond!" You cried, one hand splayed above your head and the other reaching down to hold your sensitive bead, "Keep going!" His pace remained constant. The low chirr grew into a growl. He pounded over and over, his hips slamming into your ass. As if it took considerable effort, he wrestled his chitters back into grunting speech you could understand.

"Close," he said sharply, "getting close!" You decided against speaking, instead locking your ankles behind him and rubbing your nub feverishly to meet him at the brink. His pace quickened even more. His claws squeezed your thighs as he desperately held onto you— into you, his thrusts remaining deeper inside you as they mounted in strength. His chirring returned, ascending in volume and pitch into a strangled, desperate call. His gaze snapped skyward and his back arched and he desperately pulled at your entire body in an effort to seat himself as deep within you as he could. You cried out in time with him. Your voice reached its limits. You rubbed yourself with abandon as you felt his cock fire within you with great trembling pulses. The pleasure within you mounted, growing until it erupted with a crackling warmth that left you quivering and crying out. He held himself as deep as he could go, grinding his hips into yours. Hissing, he lowered himself upon you once more and kissed you hard. You wailed into his mandibles as you rode out your peak. His hard chitin ground into your nub and held you at your limit before his rolling hips finally relented. Still, but remaining deep within you, he broke away from the kiss. You caught your breath as your eyes locked.

"Goodness..." You panted. Your face burned. Streaks of cool wetness rolled from your eyes down your cheeks. Desmond's chirring slowed into nothingness. The only sounds left were your breathing and nature outside.

"Are you okay?" He asked, his usual tone returning slowly.

"I'm great, Desmond," You smiled, "but you managed to tire me out this time." He clicked, then slowly withdrew his softening length from your sensitive core. You felt something ooze out of you, but were too exhausted to do anything about it.

"Sleep, please." He said, stroking your hair with a claw. "I'll be right here. Don't worry about anything else."

When morning arrived, the hole in the roof of your tarp acted as a skylight. You had awoken fortuitously just before the golden beam would have shone burning rays straight into your eyes. You definitely slept in, but found yourself fully clothed. You expected to feel something regretfully sticky and wet in your underwear, but you were completely clean. For a moment, you considered that last night might have been a dream. That line of thought was cut short by the sound of boiling water and the smell of coffee creeping into your tarp.

You emerged to find Desmond sitting in front of a small fire, emptying granules of instant coffee into a pot.

"Coffee?" He offered. "It'll be done in a bit."

"Thank you, Desmond." You sat in the same spot as you did last night over dinner. The silence that followed was comfortable and warm, unlike last night's awkward pauses. You watched him shake the pot with a claw as the sun warmed you. "I guess I should also thank you for, um, cleaning me up. I kinda passed out on you there. Sorry."

"No, no. It's fine. I'm nocturnal, remember?" He looked up at you and grinned. "It felt good to take care of a sleeping human again. It reminded me of old times." His grin softened into a gentle smile. The instant coffee had fully dissolved and he pulled the pot from the fire. He filled, then offered you an enamel mug which you accepted. The aroma was cheap and comforting.

"I'm going to miss you." You held the mug tightly. You didn't meet his eyes as you spoke, instead staring into the coffee as if it would tell you what to do.

"Me too." Desmond responded.

"Could we... could you..." You searched for the best way to ask. "Would you want to be with me?" Desmond released a slow chitter. He shook his head, and his soft smile shifted further into a shallow frown.

"I'm sorry." He said softly. "I wouldn't feel comfortable whisking you away three weeks after your breakup. Hell, I'm five months out from my own and I'm still not sure about where I am emotionally." You nodded in response. The coffee in your hands cooled in the resulting silence.

"I guess this is where we part ways, then." You sighed.

"Maybe..." He finally met your gaze. "You're hiking northbound. That means you'll finish in what, five more months?"

"Four if I hurry."

"The trail ends in Maine. There's this tiny, tiny town up there." He mused. "When you finish the trail, look for me around town. I'll be there. If you still want to be with me... then we could pursue a relationship like normal people. Coffee dates and stuff. If not... well, I'll buy you lunch."

"Is that another one of your movie references?" You chuckled. His plan sounded like something straight out of a cheesy rom-com.

"I'm serious." He explained. "My mom lives up there, and I've got nowhere else to be in four to five months."

"How am I supposed to find you?"

"I'm pretty sure the town population is in the double digits, and I'm definitely sure that me and my mom are the only mothpeople there." You considered his offer. It was all you had to look forward to, really.

"Let's shake on it." You extended a hand to him over the dying embers. He reached out to meet you, but then suddenly paused. "What's wrong?" You asked, a pang of fear striking you.

"I have one condition: when you inevitably run into my mom, our story has to be something other than, 'we met up on the trail and had sex after an embarrassingly short conversation and a camera flash,' okay?" You burst into laughter, as did he. He took your hand in his claw and shook enthusiastically.

"We have a deal." You answered. "Don't worry, I'll come up with something good."

"You better. You've got four-to-five months to craft it." He clicked. You smiled.

When you both finished your coffee, you gave him a hug and enjoyed the feeling of his neck fuzz on your cheek one last time. The fire had gone out, you packed up your tarp and sleeping bag, and you took a few steps north on the trail. You stopped soon after and turned, watching him go. He disappeared into the foliage. Sighing, you resumed your hike. To pass the time you talked to yourself.

"Ah, so nice to meet you, Mrs. Moth-mom. Yes, of course, we met at a pottery class."

No! Stupid.

"We were flying kites in the park, and ours got tangled up together—"

Now you sound like you're referencing sappy rom-coms.

You sighed. At least you'd have a while to come up with something convincing.