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the---hermit · 3 years ago

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Tag 9 people to learn about their interests!

Tagged by @just-a-cup-of-anxietea thank you 💜🌿

MUSIC

Favourite genre?

I grew up listening to metal and rock, and that's where my heart is. Expecially symphonic metal. But I also listen a a lot more.

Favourite song?

I could say so many songs, if I really have to pick just one I would say Fear Of The Dark by Iron Maiden. That's the song that made me fall in love with music as a kid.

Most listened song recently?

Lately I have been really into Rain Paris' covers, she's really good.

Song currently stuck in your head?

Below My Feet by Mumford and Sons

5 fave lyrics?

Although I felt like giving up

It's not the road I chose

The path less often traveled

Held the highest, the highest of hopes

(The Curse Of The Fold by Shawn James)

Man, he took his time in the sun

Had a dream to understand

A single grain of sand

He gave birth to poetry

But one day'll cease to be

Greet the last light of the library

(The Greatest Show On Earth by Nightwish)

The first thing I ever heard

Was a wandering man telling his story

It was you, the grass under my bare feet

The campfire in the dead of the night

The heavenly black of sky and sea

(Song Of Myself by Nightwish)

And suddently Hades was only a man...

(Epic III from Hadestown off Broadway)

You can be every little thing you want nobody to know

(Wilder Mind by Mumford and Sons)

BOOKS

Favourite book genre?

I have a thing for the very first horror/scifi/fantasy that bloomed in gothic litterature at the end of the 1800s. I have no idea if that counts as a genre, but I have always had a thing for that part of litterature, and when I don't know what to read I usually just go for something that falls under this category

Favourite writer?

Neil Gaiman, and many others, but if I have to pick just one that's him. His writing style, the topics, everything is just perfect for my taste in writing.

Favourite book?

I usually say Frankenstein by Mary Shelly cause that is a great way to present the type of story I like. I was also lucky cause I read that book in the perfect moment of my life to connect with it amazingly. At the same time I feel like I am lying because to only pick one single book is so reductive.

Favourite book series?

I have commitment issues, I don't usually go for series. I would like to cheat by saying The Lord Of The Rings, but Tolkien considered it a whole book. Other than that the only full series I have read is Harry Potter. ( I have also read a few books from the Percy Jackson series, which I enjoyed at the time. And last year I started reading The Witcher series, which I am really liking but I am only two books in and I don't know if that would count).

Comfort book?

The Humans by Matt Haig. Anyone who knows me, or has been following me for a while knows about this, amd no I will never shut up about it until everyone has read it. It just gives me hope in a way didn't think was possible. (Also shout out to The Hobbit cause it just makes me feel so good)

Perfect book to read on a rainy day?

Okay so not an easy question. I think I would either go for a short book that I could read in one sitting or a collection of short stories. For the first category my first thought was Tarocchi Magici E Cavallereschi : La Vera Storia Di Rolando by Marcello Simoni. I have no idea if this was translated but It was a great retelling of the medieval story of Rolando I read last year, I'd love to re-read it. For the second category any short story collection by Neil Gaiman. I particularly love Trigger Warning.

Favourite character?

How can you ask me to pick just one? I love the Creature of Frankenstein, I connected so much to that character. But also Herger from Crichton's Eaters of the Dead is a character I love. I adore his positive spirit and his way of seeing life. At this point I should also mention Bilbo Baggins from The Hobbit, one of the characters that I feel more close to me.

5 favourite quotes from your favourite book(s) that you know by heart?

Beware; for I am fearless, and therefore powerful.

(Frankenstein by Mary Shelley)

A paradox: The things you don’t need to live—books, art, cinema, wine, and so on—are the things you need to live.

(The Humans by Matt Haig)

Don’t aim for perfection. Evolution, and life, only happen through mistakes.

(The Humans by Matt Haig)

Herger said to me, "Be thankful, for you are fortunate."

I inquired the source of my fortune. Herger said in reply, "If you have the fear of high places, than this day you shall overcome it; and so you shall have faced a great challenge; and so you shall be adjudged a hero.

(Eaters Of The Dead by Michael Crichton)

Then something Tookish woke up inside him, and he wished to go and see the great mountains, and hear the pine-trees and the waterfalls, and explore the caves, and wear a sword instead of a walking-stick.

(The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien)

TV AND MOVIES

Favoutie tv/movie genre?

I have no idea. I don't know if I feel different about the genres I watch the most. You know what? I'm gonna go with animated movies because at the end of the day that's always the best option when you don't know what to watch.

Favourite movie ?

There is so many movie. In my family we religiously rewatch a bunch of movies every year, how could I pick just one? I'm gonna go with Young Frankenstein cause that movies is hilarious, and everytime I rewatch it I laugh as if I didn't know all the jokes already.

Comfort movie ?

Honestly it depends on what type of comfort I am looking for. I could go with a couple of my favourite disney classics like The Emperor's New Groove and The Lion King. But also The Hobbit and The Lord Of The Rings movies. This list could go on for days honestly.

Movie you watch every year ?

The list would be way too long, I am a serial rewatcher. I can say a few I haven't mentioned yet. Big Trouble In Little China, the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, Wasabi, The 13th Warrior, Lo Chiamavano Trinità and A LOT of other movies.

Favoutie tv show?

The answer to this has changed many many times through the years, but I can confidently say Brooklyn Nine Nine.

Comfort tv show?

Brooklyn Nine Nine, Friends, and I know there's something else but I can't think of any title at the moment.

Most rewatched tv show?

I could say Supernatural, but I really don't want to say Supernatural. I have watched The Mentalist a fair amount of times (the first couple seasons). Now that I think about it I have seen Lie To Me a lot of times aswell. B99 too but I disn't awant to be too repetitive.

5 fave characters?

I don't know if this is supposed to be on tv shows or movies so I will randomly list a few from both. Bilbo Baggings from The Hobbit (yes I am saying it again BUT you don't understand how much I feel like him cause I also both want and not want to go on an adventure). Rosa Diaz from B99, Patrick Jane from The Mentalist, Elizabeth Swan from The Pirates Of The Caribbean. I know it's just four but I can't think of anyone at the moment.

I tag (no pressure) : @anxiousoptimist101, @contre-qui , @justanotherstudyblrinthecrowd , @starrystvdy , @sage-studies , @occhicerchiati , @fly-away-from-here , @illuminatingnun and @outsassing-nero, plus whoever whats to do this just pretend that I tagged you!

#i wrote this the other day after i had slept till 1 am e then travelled for like 5 hours #i have edited it once but my brain is still kind of a mess which means there might be a few errors here and there and for this i apologize #i will probably spend the next two weeks editing this everytime i look at it #ANYWAY this was really fun!#tag #tagged #tag game #get to know me #studyblr #bookblr #just a cup of anxietea #mutuals #friends #the---hermit #cris speaks

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makczio · 5 years ago

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Maxence Danet-Fauvel's interview for EntourageS with Kevin Elarbi part 2/2

Last line was by Kevin: : So now we'll talk about the series you picked. First we're going to talk about an amazing serie, and OCS serie called Westworld and the a scene without visual effects but I think you'd like with Anthony Hawkins, a philosophical scene from the first season

The scene is about a character telling a story about a dog chasing after a cat. This is a story about freedom

K: Yes so a great serie. Season 1 and 2 available on OCS, and waiting season 3 coming in January 2020 and I'd love to see the cast on EntourageS. How did you discovered Westworld, what do you like about that serie and who are you favourite characters?

M: So I discovered Westworld the day after a party

K: Unusual!

M: Haha yes! Because I didn't had OCS and...

K: Not good!

M: I know! I know haha!

K: OCS that we kiss (again, we say "we kiss" in France when we mean we salute)

M: OCS that we kiss obviously. So I discovered OCS at a friend's called Chloé and she's the one who discovered the serie, she probably already watched a couple of episodes and we decided to watch from the beginning and we watched all of it. And what was the second question?

K: What do you like about this serie and the characters that you liked the most

M: Ah first I'm a big fan of Anthony Hawkins, a really big fan. I think he's an excellent example of acting, we see everything in his eyes, he's an actor that you can see he knows his text and a rich subtext. You can see in this scene that everything is crazy, every monologue scene you feel that he worked them for hours, weeks or even months. Because when you watch them you can feel everything he says like he really lived them. He's really a phenomenal actor… Fucj I'm losing myself so I forget the questions

K: Haha no it was what you liked about this series and characters that you liked

M: Haha so I answered the last one before. But what I love about this serie is the thematic. Dystopia, I love it. I'm a big fan of Philip K. Dick, Globalia, all his books I spend hours reading them when I was a teenager. I loved it! And I think it's subjects that seems fat but not that far, and it's something that can happen if the worst happens, and I find it really cool

K: Not really that far

M: Yeah not really that far when you watch the news nowadays but it's crazy! But I was a little bit spoiled

K: Who did this?

M: My best bud

K: Ah that's not cool, that's why Westworld it's important to watch it the day the episode is out

M: But for me it was just the context that I've been spoiled. We discover it very fast but he told me "Wow watch that serie it's awesome because…" I won't say because I've been told and I didn't liked it but it's also what made me wanna start it

K: Yeah we discover it fast, it's in the pilot if I remember well

M: Yeah it's not a big spoil and it's also what made me wanna start it. That dude also did it with Lost, he told me about the… about the small cage

K: Be careful about what you'll say

M: Haha yeah so he told me about the small cage, so he explained me just this thing and it's what made me wanna start it too, and I binge watched it in 3 weeks

K: (talking to the listener) So I you advise you to start Westworld, binge watch the first 2 seasons before season 3 in January. I hope I would be able to talk about with the cast, it's in negotiation right now. So we're going to talk about another serie, a serie that I love. I chose a scene from season 1, a symbolic scene from True Detective. If you like this serie, there's a book coming up this week wrote by a certain Kevin Elarbi about the discussions with all the cast. It wasn't with Matthew McConaughey that I spoke with it was Stephen Dorff. We're going to watch a scene with Matthew McConaughey and you'll react about True Detective, also on OCS

The scene is 2 detectives in a car talking about the crime scene they just saw, religion and pessimism.

K: Yes so Matthew McConaughey in True Detective. The season one is a wonderful season, the second one is more weak and that's why they took some time to come back with an amazing season 3. So in my book I talk about this conversation with Stephen Dorff who is a GREAT actor. Have you seen season 3?

M: Nope

K: You have to see it. It's really amazing

M: I haven't seen the second either

K: You just saw the first one? It's the best one. So tell us what you liked about the first

M: What I liked about the first one… hm… Yeah I was going to talk about actors again but that's my passion

K: And that's why you're here

M: Yeah because Matthew McConaughey is incredible, he amazes me everytime! Even with a scene like that he kills me because there a lot of things were I found myself in True Detective. I know it doesn't seem like it but I also am a pessimist person. Without the shell of this character but I kinda have the same thoughts about our society haha

K: It's not being pessimistic but realistic

M: Yes, yeah that's what he says. So that and what I really liked in this serie is that I found it amazing because there's so many clichés! I mean the two cops not liking each other, the cheating stories, you could think "It's all the crime serie clichés, I won't watch it" but it works so well, it works because the actors are incredible, the directing is crazy and the plot is catchy. I mean I started True Detective and I binge watched it in one night

K: Oh yeah the 10 episodes?

M: 8

K: 8 episodes yes, 8×55

M: I think I started around 4 and I went to bed only when I finished it

K: We're going to watch another scene from one of the series you picked. We have to be fast because we're short on time, the control room reprimand me

M: Oh no!

K: But I would love that you react to some series, a few quick words. So we already talked about Westworld and True Detective. Earlier I said in the introduction that Skam made me think a lot with your love scene about Euphoria

M: That's such an amazing compliment

K: Euphoria that I a GREAT queer serie, but not only. A serie that we discovered last summer and got huge and we're thankful about that. A few words about Euphoria and what do you like about this serie?

M: So I discovered Euphoria a Wednesday morning at one of my young coach and friend called Titouan Gautier. You know him?

K: Yes

M: Really? That's awesome! Titouan Gautier is an amazing human being and I went to a party spend the night at his place. And in the morning he asked me if I watched Euphoria and he told me "I watched everything yesterday but I don't mind watching it again today" and I was like "Are you sure?" and same I watched it all

K: Oh you saw all the episodes on the same day? You're lucky!

M: Yes all in one day, I had a lot of luck because I missed the information the time that every episode went out so I watched all of them in a day

K: Zendaya is incredible

M: Pff wow!

K: And the prologue scene, the bad trip ones. It's for me one of the best prologue we had in a serie for a long time

M: Yes, and after playing a bipolar character in Skam France, I can say that the actress and the realisation of the scene are amazing. But the scene were she has a phase were she's a detective is mind blowing, really really mind blowing

K: So lucky for you that you haven't seen this serie before playing a bipolar character because you would've been inspired

M: Totally!

K: But it didn't scared you to watch knowing you would play Eliott after again?

M: I didn't knew she was bipolar (side note: max u dumb it's in the first episode in the first five minutes haha)

K: But when you realised, you didn't thought "Oh no I don't wanna see that yet"? You wanted to watch it again

M: I wanted to watch it again because I thought her interpretation was 1000 times better than mine. It's crazy

K: But it's two interpretations very different

M: Yes that's true but I thought she was very impressive in these scene, and I forgot the name of the other actress that I also found really, for a first role really… What was her name again?

K: … I forgot it too...

M: Anyway I found her excellent too, and I think it was her first shooting, and honestly I was blown away, really talented

K: Okay so we're going to be fast because I would love to play a scene from Peaky Blinders because I can't leave you without talking about it. But I bother me because… Nevermind. How I met your mother, I chose a scene from Barney but again, we don't have enough time. Himym is a serie that is still a bestseller, with Barney's books in bookstores. A few words about this serie, favourite characters.

M: This serie I watched it I was with a girl called Élise and...

K: We kiss Élise!

M: We kiss Élise yes! And we were chilling watching this serie, we weren't doing anything, and well we did season 1 to 9, and again, and again, and again… And I think I watched it in total more than 15 times, every seasons. We also went to a point where we were like "Season 3 episode 17". We knew everything, everything, from the beginning to the end of the episode! And How I met your mother is my good mood serie, hungover day, depressed phase, the beginning of the winter… You watch Himym and it's better than a chimney fire

K: I feel that you watch a lot of serie when you're hungover or depressed, I totally understand! I hear in my earpiece that Zendaya's partner in Euphoria is Hunter Schafer and with that...

M: Yes Hunter Schafer putain!

K: With that theme of a trans person that isn't mentioned, and thank Euphoria for that. That's why it's such a good serie, it's because it isn't something they talk about, it is, but it's not...

M: Yes that's awesome. Like Skam, it's not a big deal and it's so good

K: Voilà! You understand now why I made a link!

M: Yes yes I understand!

K: Be careful, now I know you'll be mad to have just a few minutes to talk about it and I understand

M: Oh God you're going to talk about Tree of life

K: No (he's showing the logo of the show Betaseries) you know what comes from this logo? From Breaking bad, we can't not talk about it. Obviously an important serie from these last few years. A few words about Breaking bad?

M: hm...

K: How did you discovered it?

M: No no no! It's the same haha, again putain

K: So what did you liked about that serie?

M: No I'm saying bullshit, I was my ancient roommate called Julie George that I kiss a lot because I miss her, she's in New York

K: So series with you are something that you share

M: Yes i discover a lot with people, because I'm almost never alone and i see a lot my friends, like all the time. Breaking bad is something people have to watch because the scenes are AMAZING. I make it very quick. But, once again I'm going to talk about actors because that's something that kills me. The duo from Breaking bad is the quintessence of my acting method. It's really… They're phenomenal. I learned a lot, I'm talking about acting techniques, about illustrations, it's something I learned at the Actors Factory, about… yeah I'm not going to talk about it forever about the method. But it's really a serie with excellent actors, they're complete, they're really actors with a good method… Anyway the serie is magnificent. That's a cliffhanger, it's the magic formula

K: I agree. We're going to play another scene, a 15 seconds scene, it's not a lot but I want you to see it so you can talk about it easily because really wanna talk about it before the podcast ends. It's Peaky Blinders. But before I'm going to respond to what you just said, that the Actors Factory looks like Group Theater, I'm thinking about Marlon Brando, Lee Strasberg, and it's not theater, and I think it's really close and that you're the new generation, and I say it with all the love I have for Group Theater

M: I believe it and I hope so

K: I believe it. So a scene from Peaky Blinders

In the scene, Thomas Shelby is talking to Danny about the man he killed. Telling him that the brothers of the man are ready to kill him

K: It was so fast sorry! So Peaky Blinders, I know it's the first time you see it in French (of all the scene showed, this one is the only one that has been translated in French) I'm sorry

M: Yeah, yeah please watch series in the original language

K: YES!

M: Yes because it kills the actor's work if you watch it with another voice

K: It kills the actor's work and we agree that it takes 50%, no it takes 85% of the charm

M: And when a GREAT actor plays even if you take out the sound you can understand what they say, so watch in the original language

K: I agree watch it in the original language stop with the french! So Peaky Blinders a few words about this aerie, how did you discovered it, why… no we're going to do something else for this serie. Why should people watch it? Especially young people that follow you

M: Fuck, this time I would've said...

K: Then do both!

M: Why should you people watch it? Because first it talks about a historical period that's a little forgotten, between the two wars, we hear a lot about the 30 years post war (the second), but it's nice to see what happened for the middle class in Birmingham, it's so interesting. Also the directing is crazy

K: And the lights

M: What? Oh yes the lights! No, everything! It's really mind blowing, every scene, the slow motion, wow that's crazy! The actors once again, the two brothers Cillian Murphy (funny, he pronounces it Sillian) and, fuck I'm bad at actors names

K: Yeah and me too

M: Anyway, you see in Breaking Bad

K: Peaky Blinders

M: Haha yes Peaky Blinders sorry, it's really a serie I would've love to play in

K: Ah! Which character?

M: Well the character of… Is that a joke I wat had an episode yesterday? Well the one played by Cillian Murphy!

K: But you know this kind of serie can come in France, Arte (a Franco-German TV channel) love producing that kind of fiction, that doesn't cost that much if there's not a lot of extra. It would be nice

M: Yes, and I went for a casting with them on Monday, and they forgot me!

K: Well it was Monday...

M: It was a Monday morning, so I came there, I open the door and say Hello, and there was nobody! So I come back there next Monday

K: Oh you couldn't okay!

M: No they didn't came! So next Monday and it's for something from the old time like that! But Cillian Murphy's character is completely crazy. But this man is a Greek God he's so beautiful I'm so jealous. And everything, the costumes, the decor, the gang with… anyway

K: There's an excellent bar called The Shelby...

M: Tommy Shelby yes! That was his name!

K: … I should give you some adress. Remember that alcohol should be taken with moderation

M: Haha

K: Thank you Maxence for being with us for the first episode of EntourageS, you have to come back

M: Oh yeah that's true I'm the first!

K: Yeah you're the godfather! So you have to come back because we didn't talked about Breaking Bad a lot I wanted to show a scene, How I met your mother either

M: And we didn't talked about cinema putain!

K: We didn't talked about cinema but it's about series even if I would love talking about cinema

M: Okay

K: But you really have to come back because you told me there was shooting in the beginning of the year

M: Yes there's shooting until April

K: So it means a little promo at the end of the season 2020?

M: What promo? Skam?

K: There's Skam and the other series

M: Skam for sure but the other series I don't know if there will be a promo

K: Promise you'll come back for Skam?

M: Promise I'll come back for Skam, for everything, I'm so good here!

K: Well I'm glad, thank you Maxence it's a gift having you has a godfather! So I bring back that you're currently shooting Skam France, you also said there was other projects but that's for the beginning of the year so we'll see later. Go follow Maxence on social networks, he shares about his cinema and series tastes. It's more interesting than following some influencers haha

M: Haha thank you

K: Go follow Maxence it's important. He loves classic cinema we can see it and it's amazing. You also love good series so that's cool I think there would be a lot of young people who would watch them

M: Cool

K: Yeah now probably 100 young people would wanna watch Peaky Blinders and that's great! I'm saying a 100 but I hope it's more. 1k will watch Peaky Blinders, another 1k Breaking Bad and another 1k How I met your mother. And for the one who haven't seen Skam and afraid that it would be a teenager serie, you saw the scene it's with complete actors, a great team, go for it! It's a serie that will be important for the LGBTQI+ community and is becoming a cult, 4 seasons in 2 years that's amazing! Even I watched this serie maybe with preconceptions and I was blown by the technique, the team and the actors so watch it! Skam will impress you as much as Euphoria will

M: Woaw I'm emotional

K: I really think it!

M: That's nice!

#skam france #skam universe #skam season 3 #lucas et eliott #eliott demaury #skam eliott #maxence danet fauvel #maxencefvl

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thestudyfeels · 6 years ago

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How To NOT Be Depressed.

(Or If You Prefer — How to Be Substantially Happy About Life.)

WARNING: This is one rollercoaster ride of a post. Proceed with extreme caution. For some, the staggering levels of insight may induce true purpose and re-establish their warrior spirit. For others, side effects may include grammatically incorrect hate or aloof eyerolls. We advise exiting if the said group includes you, for we're very tired of cleaning vomit off the seats.

Step aboard at your own risk.

If you’re one of the brave souls who stayed back to join us, I congratulate you for even I am scared of how crazy this post truly is. Alrighty then, kick back and relax folks, today we’re having a mature, adult conversation. Merely another cheery afternoon spent talking about life and its realities. Not too bad, eh?

Before we begin, spoiler alert! For those of you already turned off by the mention of 'depression’ and packing their bunnies to leave, sit tight. This ISN'T really about depression. This is about HAPPINESS. No clickbait. That got your attention, right butterfly? Nice, now stay.

A welcoming, maybe demanding A/N: Do me a favor and read this in one go. Maybe even plug in those headphones and listen to the songs dedicated to each part as you read. It's long, you have the new Riverdale episode to catch up on, but don't hop away just yet because (I had a couple moments writing this, alright) it's life changing. You'll prolly cry a few tears of realization, nod all nod-able body parts in agreement, beat your chest at random instants 'cause the hype’s too real, and perhaps, if it isn’t too much to hope for, finally go change your life for the better. In case you've forgotten, this'll remind you that there’s always hope, that you're a born conqueror, and you were made to THRIVE, not survive. Convinced? Kay, roll the cams.

To clarify first-hand, no, I'm not depressed although I’ve experienced mild depression for a period before. Glad to say I'm out of it but I still struggle with tackling what I'm about to detail next.

Insert bitter voice, it’s this: My life is nowhere near I want it to be. Though I know vaguely what I wanna do, I haven't yet figured out how the hell I’m supposed to get there, or how my dream life is to be sketched out. It’s all a blurry mess. Which, to put it bluntly, hurts. I HATE feeling powerless and worthless, roaming about aimlessly.

There are many such moments where I hit the brakes to wonder why I’m not living THE Life already. There have been several times when I curl up and cry a frickin’ Amazon. There are horrible nights where I'm shaking with emotions, but they won't release, leaving me choked. (…not in that way, you hoes. Um, just ruined the dramatic mood with a lame dirty joke, sorry.)

They say talking helps and that's why I figured I'd drop in. But perhaps more importantly, I wanted to hang because no matter how unfocused the lens may seem at my future, I don't consider myself a dopey loser incapable of the crazy dreams or wild bucket lists I fantasize about– and I thought I'd skip along to remind you that neither should you. (Or maybe I just came to sniff the new appetizers, who knows?)

PS: I also broke a sweat listing six ways to get outta depression– alternatively, to be more of a conqueror– because y'all are always pestering me with asks that go “how do I conquer omg send supplies” (Like, imagine a conqueror saying that! Oh, the crime, the atrocity!)

So yes, you're welcome. Have a feast with this litness.

The main reason behind people being so frightfully sad, I’ve found, is a huge lack of fulfillment. We don't do what we love, for either— [ 1 ] we aren’t living life the way we want to (since we keep doing things we feel we're supposed to do) OR [ 2 ] because Mama, Papa and Mrs. Carter next door feel that struggling is the only way, and project their traditional beliefs onto us. Either way, whether or not we consciously realize this, subconsciously, we're all hurting because of it. Badly.

That lingering feeling of emptiness never seems to leave. You feel drained every night when you drop into bed, not because you gave it your all, but because you couldn't. And so, we do the next best thing. Drugs. Maybe not literally, but figuratively. We numb out this subconscious pain by binge watching Netflix shows. We deaden ourselves to that discomfort by reading smut in the bathroom or by playing dumb video games all day. We try (and fail) to extinguish this feeling of not ‘being enough’ by having silly flings or fake friendships.

And ultimately, we NUMB ourselves out to LIFE for we can't bear to live the way we're living. There's a reason why “How to Stop Procrastinating” posts are so popular (they’re a blogger’s most foolproof way of paying the month’s rent, and yes, even I'm guilty of a couple). We’re constantly having FOMO and tuning into others' highlights on social media– completely missing out on our own lives in the process. We fail to realize that the culprit is lack of genuine purpose more than zero self-control (or maybe it’s both, but that’s a tale for another day).

[On a side note, obviously I did generalize a bit– video games can be a passion for you, watching shows a way of winding down. But for most, they’re only DISTRACTIONS, just another way of ignoring the calls of life by hanging up the phone.]

And here's the bitter truth about depression: The longer you wait to start living authentically, the more you start tuning out the inner cries wanting change, the faster your dreams start to ebb away, and the more you'll want to become insignificant. And to me, that's the scariest part of this journey to my dream life.

Nothing frightens me more than knowing that the moment I stop pushing, the very moment I give in to distractions and fears, my goals will stop manifesting themselves and I'll be stuck in this small town with its small people eternally. And THAT, I'm certain, won't be any more fun than working your way through a soggy ham sandwich, ironic as soggy is what life has become. (Yes, I have a thing against soggy sandwiches. They were a kid's worst lunch nightmare.)

If you relate, and I’m sure you do (it’s probably why you stopped scrolling through cheesy fanfic for ten minutes to read this, I know you amigo) — here are six ways to NOT be depressed. Or more accurately, to gift wrap yourself some sweet ol’ happiness.

You're a Samurai and the Following Be Your Katanas —

Hol’ up. The second you reach the End Card, I want you to drop your Cheerios and implement at least THREE of these six strategies. Just follow the Takeaways, I've made this really simple. And as a rule, one of them has to be this one. (Look, don't whine. If you wanna climb outta that dark hole, you gotta put in some effort. So pop that booty, and let’s get down to business!)

Here’s the most truthful, though cheesy thing I’ll ever say: I would be nowhere I am today without this blog. If not for it, I would most likely be weeping in a dug-out hole somewhere, drowning in my salty little pond of tears and chiming every loser’s favorite words (“there's no point”). Creating this blog gave me a definite purpose – putting out fiery content, dipping myself deep into my newly found passion for writing and influencing, and connecting with other conquerors on the platform.

I meet a lot of folks, whether at Sad School, Mouldy Mall, or Boring Bus stop, who always seem to be in a state of death-inducing boredom. When asked about their favorite thing to do, they’ll mumble “sleep” or “food” like Siri narrating your cat’s evening routine. And then you see adults, dragging through life mindlessly. Utterly clueless, floating like a piece of driftwood in an ocean bubbling with life. My sympathy quota gets overdosed everytime I think about it.

To spell it out, find something to do. Anything! Learn a language, try some ballet, take pictures of your neighbor's rose garden, make an art piece and show it to your mom, stitch buttons onto shirts for fun, heck, make an entire shirt out of buttons, take a break from reading smut to write your own, frutify your farts, WHATEVER, just get up and move.

And here’s why – nay, not to keep you engaged or make you feel less worthless, not that bullcrap. It’s to put in gear the journey of figuring out what is the shite that you love doing. Too often we get stuck thinking about what our oh-so-great passion is. Get this, passion is energy. A spark for something. A magical fortune cookie which, when cracked, seems to explain everything, gives you the very reason for being alive. You can only feel that fire, that wild love, when you actually do it. So get cracking is all I’ll say!

Takeaway:

Attempt something. Nah, scratch that, imagine you’re in a sweet shop with shelves lined with free samples and try everything. Pick up that Polaroid cam, take that dreaded history course, buy that children’s cooking kit– in short, start working. Pull out all the stops, get curious, and get creative. In the process, if you promise to try hard enough, you WILL (money back guarantee) find out what makes your little heart burst with mad happiness and would willingly do for free, if needed, because you really are that crazy about it. And that, my dear, will be your oh-so-great-indeed passion. Have no doubt, you’ll never be “bored” again.

Real talk, having a dream is a big deal. And unfortunately, I’ve witnessed, rarely anyone has one to begin with. They’re either more dead than the cheap skeleton I bought for Halloween or believe they have a dream, but in reality, it belongs to mom, dad, or Uncle Sammy. Listen, doing something for someone you love (my Uncle Sammy used to supply me with cold cash whenever he came around, loved that guy) is great! YET, if you’re willing to throw away your life to fulfill others’ expectations, convincing yourself it's because they love you, even when YOUR lonely heart craves bigger things than just a marketing job, then you, my friend? Are the biggest fool. Don’t get offended, we both know it, this girl needn't ramble.

Recently, my relatives were over (nope, sadly not Uncle Sammy) and my cousin and I had a chat about life (correct, I grab every opportunity to do so). It wasn't very exciting I must say, he kept staring off into the distance (I wonder why), but what he SAID is what I'll talk about. After I’d gushed about my dreams, he asked skeptically if being an influencer would still be an ambition two years from now when I graduate. I raised my eyebrows, mock hurt, like eff you son, I ain’t giving up on my dreams! But that question got me thinking.

Life is wild. Unpredictable. An unexpected call, a single person, a random BLOG POST (cough) – can turn your life upside down, sometimes in the affirmative, other times not. This variability of life isn’t uncommon, and everyone experiences some part of it– unpaid student loans, failing startups, talent and art going unnoticed in industries dominated by wealth and connections, you name it. If all of that doesn’t make you run for the Himalayas and abandon any dreams, throw in a quick side dish of dysfunctionale famiglia with a sprinkle of self-image issues.

It ain’t easy, darling. The world is one cruel headmistress; it loves slapping awake the daydreamers and wishful thinkers. That hasn't ever actually stopped the dropouts and class clowns from building castles in the air though. And the common blueprint you notice they follow? Let me introduce you to… Madness. Obsession. Maniacal obsession, to say. (Yes, I'm done playing with my words.)

I struggled writing this point. A pestering voice in my head kept mumbling – They'll go back to doing the same sad shit anyway. Um, does anyone even read your posts? Lol, call yourself an influencer, hun. Hesitation started creeping in. Then the irony of the situation struck me. I laughed, shook my head and got back to typing.

We ran out of juicy gossip weeks ago, so here’s your tea served cold: insecurities and self doubt WILL get in the way. That whiny voice was just a mild version of what you face when you go all in. Fear traps you in its cage, and those who prattled behind your back now progress to talking shit in your face. Criticism and self doubt resurfaces, so unless your defenses are strong, you'll be crushed. Destroyed REAL quick.

When hell breaks loose (oh honey, and it WILL), your self defense comprising of maniacal obsession must be well learnt. Let them attack, mock, heck, drag you away from the desk and hurl you at the top of a damn mountain, but you better STILL hike back down, show them the middle finger, and continue working. That's how bulletproof you've gotta be. That's how madly do you have to love your dreams. And if you really think this will be a cake walk or want to continue complaining about Stuart being born with a silver spoon, hop off the train already. Your destination isn't on the tour list.

Look, my dreams terrify me. But they certainly make me feel more alive than complying with what every parent said about getting good grades and holding together a roof on my head. My ambitions set me free, give me a reason to fucking live. And yet, every now and then, something makes me question them. A fear engulfs me, some doubter proclaims I suck, someone I love is so blinded they can't see my vision. And that's okay. My defenses are way stronger. The next day rolls round, and you'll find me hustling again, thriving again. All because I know that even if no one reads my posts (the worst case scenario, I know y'all love me lol), someday in the future, someone will. I know that even if I’m not an influencer yet, if just one reader becomes a conqueror because of my words, it would be a win. A big win. I'd have done my job. All because I’m wildly, yes maniacally, obsessed with my dreams.

So hey, cousin? This influencer thing? This will be my dream long after I've graduated. Till the day I die, and maybe even then I'll rise from my grave to give a dead pal a lively pep talk. My watchtower has just been upgraded, so thank u, next.

Takeaway:

“General, we've arrived!” Finally! Position those cannons, Martha, let’s talk them through the defenses. All aboard? AHOY MATEY! (wait, that was one for the pirates). Step one, dare to create a dream in your mind’s eye. The bigger, the crazier, and the scarier, the better. Doesn’t matter how impossible it is, don’t care how many voice their opinion against it, just imagine, keep a million possibilities in mind.

Once you see the life you truly want (you’ll know, everything will seem to zing)— have a sip. Become OBSESSED for that life. Thirst after that vision, itch to manifest it, and pine for the satisfaction that’ll come to your soul once it’s made a reality. Fall madly in love with the process and how magical it feel when you do it. And THEN, bellow a loud war cry and charge headfirst into battle, shields held high at all the criticisms. We conquerors never cared much for them anyway.

(play ♬) Picture this: forehead stamped with beads of sweat. Calloused hands working their fingers to the bone and eyebrows furrowed in deep concentration. Conjure an image where powerful beats are pulsing hard in your ears, synced with your own elevated heartbeats, and you’re thriving. Performing. Winning. Guess the secret to that? Preparation. Champions prepare. You can’t throw anything to the winds or rely on ‘luck’ or chance to conquer.

Tough days are in everyone’s calendar, be it your extra cheerful neighbor, Sally, or lone wolf classmate, Derrick. We’ve all found ourselves sulking over an awful situation, scooping into mint ice cream to forget mistakes, errands, and ghosting exes. Yet guess what? The solution isn’t the proclaimed “be positive!” or “It all happens for a reason, don’t you worry” - the key is coming up with a method to dodge the discouraging effect these hiccups have on us.

So every bad day, I bring out a mason jar containing a knot of chits and one secret letter which is, on most days, kept hidden on the top shelf of my cupboard. I make myself comfortable on the bed, read all my bits of paper carefully, including the letter addressed to yours truly, close my eyes, and mentally fight back whatever’s bringing me down.

A short while later, I get up, now a warrior, and go slay the rest of the day like it was my last one on this planet. That jar is my jar. A Conqueror’s jar. One look at those powerful reminders, and I’m grounded once again, the beast within me now unleashed to kill.

Takeaway:

Honey, go get yourself a jar. Along with some papyrus and ink. Then start jotting down. Document past victories, future visions, fears that mean zilch to the person you’re about to become, batty goals you’ve still gotta chase, reminders that the majority will never understand what it is you’re tryna do here, and how that’s perfectly alright 'cause you'll find your conquerors, your squad one day. Create your victory jar. And then go knock ‘em down dead. Bad days stand no chance against you. You’re a winner, a fucking rebel. Go take what’s yours.

Y’know, I’m perfectly aware that many muggles reading this will whine that dealing with depression ain’t no piece o’ pie and it’s hella hard to get up and take the crown when you feel like a pile of dino dung.

Stop it. Get some help. (See what I did? Like Michael- ok ok, calm thyself.) For real though, and I’m tired of repeating this with my kitten stamped microphone (but I’ll keep at it ‘cause it’s that significant) – whining is WORTHLESS. It saps up precious energy that could be used to make life a scrumptious smoothie. (Loothie? As in life + smoothie? Right, yes, I’m shutting up.)

And even THEN, we find denizens complaining about slow WiFis and thin crust pizzas and how the market’s down and the government’s incompetent. Because blabbering makes us feel important. Heard. But keeping yo’ trap shut and actually doing stuff? Hustling for your dreams when nobody’s watching? Actually walking the talk? C’mon, Emma, don't be naive, ain’t nobody getting recognition for that.

Trust me, I get it. The world is yet to become a feminist, turns out your boyfriend was cheating on you while you were looking up wedding dresses, mommy’s a drunk loser, and idiots are being voted into office. It’s a lot to handle. But thanks to our immense and ever increasing population (we folks really love our rumpy pumpy, can you tell) — there will surely be one chum, facing exactly the same misfortunes as you, but still turning up at every party and bulk-spamming his friends with puppy pictures while you sit and wail. (One Moaning Myrtle is enough, thank you very much.)

Look, I’m not undermining your worries or obstacles. I’m only reminding that you have the marvelous choice of positivity. To CHOOSE hope and a better future when others won't. To FIND (and it's always possible) something to look forward to even when the to-do’s a big snore. To KNOW, deep inside, that you're a magnificent conqueror, no matter what mess you’re in at the moment, and that the world dances to your rhythm. Realise that it's up to you to let yourself be happy. At any moment, you have the very say-so to get up and start rocking. Dumbledore said it himself, “It is our choices, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” So choose better, and you’ll unconsciously do better as well. And yes, that being said, this is the last HP reference, don't fret. Be positive instead. (Edit: Ha, look at these quips, the girl's all grown up now.)

Takeaway:

Your new occupation is to be a sunflower. If you think back, you'll probably recall Miss Honey rattling on about phototropic movement in AP biology. No? Me neither. Point is, sunflowers always face the sun. Put them ANYWHERE, hide them in the dungeons, throw them in a trash bag and shoot it off to the moon, they’ll still turn around and face the sun. No matter what. And taking inspo from that, you too can stop scripting creative soliloquies for being depressed. Happiness is YOUR right, YOUR priority, don't let anyone take it away from you or diminish its importance. DON’T let sadness ruin your vibe, do what you've gotta do to protect yourself. Track happiness in yo’ journal, set 84 reminders on your phone, and tattoo “Long as you’re beaming up at the sun, all the shadows will be left behind” on your boobs. Do whatever, just don’t turn the corners of your mouth down. You’re so pretty this way.

The other day, I was doing the deathly Plié Alternative Heel Lifts (these names, I swear) and my legs felt dead. Gone. Put to sleep like the Wicked Witch of the East. Now obviously, the timer wasn’t not even halfway done yet, but my cheeks were already flushing red like dear Santa, and NOT because I was high on choco chip cookies. I sighed, and at that point, I was so over giving up. All this while, I’d been whining and protesting because my muscles felt sore, but in that moment, I made up my mind. I bit my lip and kept going. On and on. Keep pulsing, you got it, don't stop, was the mantra I kept chanting.

Won’t sugarcoat it, I honestly hadn’t died this much since that time Miss Honey buried me alive with trig assignments. My legs were now basically Play-doh and I was shaking, fighting for balance. A few seconds in though, something crazy happened. My legs went numb. My grumbling mind quietened and the pain vanished. That evening, I had the upper hand, not my physical perceptions of myself. I was powerful. Flawless. (Hey Santa, do you even lift bro?) Real talk, I was in the Zone, bitches.

I’m not sure if that was the result of excessive pain or because Wonder Woman’s spirit possessed ma bod, but staying loyal to my love for metaphors, I’ll use the experience to explain what I’m tryna get at here.

Look, here’s the real deal — if all of the greats gave up the second things got frowny, we probably would have no one to worship. Nix role models, nix inspirations, none to stalk on Insta - we’d all be bumbling about like Sad from the even sadder Emoji movie (no shade, emojis be lit).

And that'd be very sad (pun definitely intended). Hence, cue some tangible ways to boosting your grit, so that you can be your own superhero:

1) Get yo’self a goddamn motto,

2) Know your “Why,”

3) Repeat the cycle till it’s in your blood. Btw, Shawn, if you here, I’m still a single pringl—HEY PAL I SEE YOU, DON'T SCROLL.

Seriously, don't brush these prime steps aside. We're always going for the advanced modes, and deeming these basic levels a waste of time. Well guess what, compadre, YOUR LIFE IS A GODDAMN WASTE O’ TIME IF YOU DON'T HAVE YOUR BASICS RIGHT. Excuse my outburst, but listen. You can’t do a hundred bicep curls on your first workout if you haven't lifted anything more than a crisps packet. Likewise, if you simply jump into Life one day, and decide “ok, here it is, 12 habits to build, sleep schedule to fix, man to ask out, let's go,” you ain't getting nowhere, chum. Start small. Take baby steps. It's clearly not as fun (definitely negates the bragging on Facebook part of it) but it'll stick. You’ll create a consistency that not even Grandma's cake batter can achieve.

1. Talking mottos — For context, a motto that I always mutter (my mom thinks I'm cursing, oh what a bad child) every time I spill milk while making coffee is “Do more. Give more. BE more.” Not only does it help me stay right on track for the rest of the day but it helps me clean up my mess, figuratively and otherwise, or I’d just be sitting in a puddle of spilt milk, cursing adulting for real this time and with more laundry to do.

2. Why you need the Big Why — Owning up, I’m guilty of attempting to learn Welsh for less than 48 hours because I hadn't a single reason to speak the language. A similar thing happened with half of my 2018 resolutions, which had a bunch of rubbish like “Floss daily”, something my eyes got trained to skip because, um, who the hell flosses every day?

Lame humor aside, I still workout almost daily because I have my Why straight. 1) I want to feel good about my body and get closer to the confident badass I envision my future self to be, 2) I simply HAVE to sustain my health to live to build my legacy and fulfill my dreams of opening a bakery at 90 and 3) Because I’m an influencer, and want to walk my talk and be the inspiration people need. Those are the reasons as to why I turn up to my yoga mat everyday, shut my jabbering mind, and keep on pulsing. This “Why” strategy applies to everything. Wanna get outta depression? Why? Wanna lose 20 pounds? Why? Wanna listen to your dentist’s desperate pleadings and floss already? WHY EH? Unless you know your intentions, you’ll give up at the first chance you get to not act on your goals. And watch out, because there'll be a LOT of those.

For me, leaving a legacy behind means more than having a slice of cake or missing a workout because there’s a fun movie playing. Find what's important to YOU, make it your why, and go marry your goals.

3. And then, Repeat — Bear in mind, if you're not living your best life yet, there are NO weekends. NO work-shy days. No weak days, no pick-me-up days, no eat-candy-do-nothing days. Everyday is a damn Monday. EVERYDAY is life or death. Every holy day you wake up is a chance to push your limits, challenge your mindset, and see how far you can go. And every 24 hours, when the cycle starts again, it’s your mission to race to build a stronger, wiser and crazier you.

And who knows, perhaps one day, you and I will just be casually sipping tea in our dream home, laughing at how the milk is still being spilt but knowing, proudly, fiercely, that we’ve come so far, even though there’s still more left to do, more to give and so much more to be.

Takeaway:

Quit quitting. You're, guaranteed, 20x stronger than you think. I doubted I could go through with the workout, it seemed beyond my present physical capabilities. But I did, because I treated it as life or death. Understand this, the second you start making excuses, for being depressed, for taking an unnecessary day off - you give away your power. You are a very powerful being. You're limitless, capable of everything.

I'm not throwing these words around to make you feel cute, I actually mean AND believe them. There’s so much that's been done already— the iconic four minute mile by Roger Bannister, invention of the light bulb, cars, toothpaste and other junk, people who lost both legs and climbed Mt. Everest, we sent a man to moon in frickin’ 1969 (50 YEARS ago), some ran a 26 mile marathon with zero training, love and hope is still strong in this world, oh let's also add coffee and motivational music— and YOU think you can't finish a workout or get outta depression or meet your idols or marry the man of your dreams or become the artist you wanna be? Ridiculous. Don't give away your power that easily, this ain't no charity shop.

(play ♬) Having personally dealt with unwelcome yet familiar feelings of emptiness quite often, I’ve now reached a point where each bad day is simply a reminder of how long my journey ahead is, and just how badly I want to reach my destination.

We finally near the end of this novel of a post (thanks for sticking around, bud), and my best advice would be this: Rather than wallowing in self pity and throwing one-man parties because your life is so awfully dreadful, know that even when life throws you to the floor, long as you can look up, long as you can read an entire book about defeating depression (cough)– you can GET UP too. Let those emotions of sorrow and frustration blaze up into a roaring, crackling fire that doesn’t consume you, but instead, urges you, fuels you.

Lately, no matter how much shit I go through, how many arguments I tumble into, or how barren my dreams look sometimes, I don’t break down. And no, it wasn't always like this. I never even had aspirations to name two years ago. Six months back, it had become a night routine to cry. Not anymore.

Now, every setback and every failure only pushes me to be stronger and give more than I ever gave. The day I made the decision to Conquer (truly, madly, deeply, with all of my heart) was also the day I said a big, loud ‘fuck you’ to every resistance that was to cross my path. I had finally understood that life was nothing but a battle of WILLS, that it was all in or nothing, and I made up my mind once and for all to NEVER give in to depression, or to society, or to anyone who tells me I cannot make it.

I had conquered depression. There was no looking back now.

Takeaway:

Here’s something no one will tell you: the key to bringing depression to its knees is seeing it positively. Pretend that it's a friend continuously sending strong, aggressive signals urging you to be happy. And what do you do when a caring friend throws some holy light? You listen, push past your ego, and follow accordingly.

And if that parallel seems unconvincing, here's another one (sup, DJ Khaled. This post is turning musical, sorry): it's scared of you. Depression is scared shit of you. Y'know how bullies are, right? Majorly insecure, self-loathing too perhaps, hardly fans of self love, and always trying to numb all that subconscious pain by inflicting pain on others. Depression has the same instruction manual. Your fears and doubts are your (pathetic) bullies, and depression is the big ol’ crony who does the dirty work for 'em.

Whenever you decide shit this is it, I'm going for it, they go paranoid and try stopping you because they've seen no better. And if they succeed, BOOM, you're depressed, paralyzed, your qualms reigning over you again. Don't let them in. I'll say it a thousand times if I gotta because I want (HAVE) to see you conquer – you're so much stronger than you think you are. You can do so much more than you think. It's all in your head! Don't just sit there, click away, and go back to living a sad life. You’re better than that. DO better than that. You’re meant to freaking CONQUER, straight-up dominate, my pal. Pay heed to that voice craving freedom. You got this. And you better know it.

One thing’s fixed like the (beloved by all) proportionality constants in Physics, you will come across depressing mornings and sluggish evenings even in the future. I assure you. Lots o’ bad hair days in the calendar, sis. But here's what you’ll do: you'll deactivate the miserable thoughts, keep a cool head, remind yourself that this is yet another test (better, rap your new mantra) and USE that hurt, pain, and anger to create a fervor and passion that wreaks havoc on its obstacles and drives you to accomplish EVERYTHING you've ever wanted to do. The easy choice would be to just give up, bellyache about the situation, and want sympathy for your worries. Yet, what you'll never do is… exactly that.

Rule 1) NEVER give up. Stand your ground. Have faith in your strength. Know that you'll have your way soon enough anyway. Rule 2) NEVER complain. All it does is drain your energy, that precious fire you could to high jump your way into the clouds. Makes you a pathetic wimp too, definitely not something you want on a warrior’s resume. Lastly, Rule 3) NEVER seek validation. From anyone. It sure feels nice to be acknowledged and encouraged, but grasp this— this is your journey. YOUR life and YOUR vision. Validation won't get you anywhere, for there'll never be enough of it.

Cuz Marty, if you're tryna bring something new, different, and authentic into this world – you'll most likely be hated on badly, before you'll be loved madly (hi, me a rapper). Learn to invite hate instead—IMPORTANT: hate from others, not yourself. Sounds counterintuitive, but this is the real tea: hate is good. It means you're standing up for something, refusing to fit like a puzzle piece in society, and being UNAPOLOGETICALLY yourself. And it’s certainly a sign that you’re on the right path if you can ignore that hate and stick your tongue out at it.

Yet another reason to never seek validation is simply this: you have to fight for yourself. In order to meet your own expectations, reach the doorstep of the best version of you, and transform this world, you'll have to go wildly IN. Toil and hammer away. Shut out all the haters and non-believers, listening only to your gut. Importantly, learn to accept the rejection slips, validating yourself not with what Molly says about it being okay, but with the reminder that your time is coming soon. Depend on yourself. Validation will NEVER be enough.

I get it, it's a lot of homework, but perhaps you already realize that it’s THIS work that'll change your life forever. Not “how to not procrastinate, Jesus take the wheel” or “HELLO, life's a mess so here are ten things to do (you won't believe number four!)”. Clickbaits don't work, stop believing that a fancy planner is going to be your savior. There is no rule to making your life a masterpiece. You'll have to get to know yourself and your dreams (journaling, meditation, silent pondering), build the work ethics and the mentality needed (lots of work in this one, yet no strict framework to go about it) and GET GOING.

AND with that firework, I'll begin to slip away now. Again, I won’t say it’s easy, that’s cock and bull. Life’s no fairytale. You will never feel ready to start bringing your dreams to fruition. But, my darling (I’m being so nice yo, follow me), you must. You must force yourself to work for the future you want till it becomes a habit, an obsession. The world badly needs heroes; confident people who can stand for themselves so that others can stare at first, maybe even hate a little, but then follow because they seem unstoppable and are, truthfully, having the most fun at life. YOU'RE one of them. No validation, just plain facts.

You see, conquering is a LOT of blood and sweat (K-pop, anyone? BTS? Lmao, this is me tryna clickbait y'all to read). Even getting up will seem huge when you're just starting out, and this is one long road, dear pal. Still then, I have enough faith in you to hope you don't give into your fears, I hope you willingly chase discomfort, and I hope you find the courage to do all that you want to do, while that heart's still beating.

I hope you conquer. I'll do too, and I'd really like to see some familiar faces during the ride.

Peace, amigo.

A loud ass A/N: And now, we come the most important part of this post. WAKE UP Luke, stop snoring, and take some notes. Remember kids, I won't accept anything but an A.

If you couldn’t identify yourself throughout this post and currently are scoffing like um woman, that's not really why I'm depressed, hang in there a sec. Yes, you can stop singing It Ain’t Me now. You've a very nice voice by the way.

I'm not a doctor, and I don't have enough exposure to know why so many earthlings are depressed today. HOWEVER, by talking to many, following their stories, watching and reading stuff – I do know with firm conviction that a majority suffers from severe unfulfillment. Don't believe me? A study shows 85% of the working class worldwide hate their jobs. Do you realize what that actually means? EIGHTY-FIVE PERCENT of the THREE BILLION PEOPLE employed today, hate being employed in the first place! They do it for prime survival, to sustain themselves. And that's just jobs. I won't scare you, but 50% (yes, HALF, you heard that right) of students HATE going to school. Kids waste SEVEN hours of their life every day going somewhere they dislike, doing something they hate. Who's singing now?

People find themselves trapped in golden handcuffs, taking the paycheck despite the passionless job. They push aside the art and business they love, to become a slave of good ol’ cash. Several surround themselves with negativity and get frustrated when unable to escape the choking (no, not THAT kind again, hello someone pour holy water over this post) atmosphere. An innumerable are forced into taking up courses that they don't care about under parental pressure. The reasons are endless, and I don't think I'll amuse myself listing all the sad excuses.

This has always been the story. Hundreds of influencers have preached the same words I’m tryna put into your head here and you’ll yourself say you’ve heard this a million times. YET, you’re dissatisfied. YET, you feel like crap everyday, feeding yourself the same lie that the next day will be better, that you’ll get up tomorrow– while you let life beat the shit out of you.

That’s why, all of my words, everything you’ve read today - all of that boils down to just one single question. A difficult but necessary choice. Will you let this happen to YOU? Will you, seriously, even after this wild ride together, go back to doing nothing and being nothing? Will you, for real, continue deceiving yourself, sacrifice your happiness for the sake of pleasing everyone else, and remain a statistic on a website?

(play ♬) If you’re not sure of your answer, read: Look, making you feel guilty is not my intention, because that’s not how this works. I need you to understand instead. Guilt wears off, it’s only understanding that brings about change. So, just for old times’ sake, I’ll rant a bit more (ik, just can’t seem to leave y’all).

You’re so, so young right now. More than half of your life is yet to be experienced. None of this probably makes much impact right now but it will the day you die. Remember, on your deathbed, you won't EVER look back and say, “Damn, wish I'd spent more time at the office. Saved up just one more dollar. Could’ve got that promotion before Amy.” Nay, it won’t even be on the calendar. That day, one foot in the grave, you'll reflect and wonder why the heck you didn’t let yourself be happier. Why you took up that lacklustre, soul-sucking architect job when all you've ever wanted to do is keep laughing. Why you didn't ask your crush out, why you were so afraid to walk up to that audition, because dammit, you could’ve been running your own comedy show by now. Why you dragged around a karaoke machine all this time instead of singing your own song. Why you couldn’t love yourself. Why you submitted. Why.

And the moment you realize that you hadn't lived a life for you, you’ll be crushed. Broken. The arthritis in your grannie joints won't even compare and neither will the mild dissatisfaction you’re feeling right now. Those whys will haunt you, they'll terrorize you, break you. It'll hurt tremendously to know that there isn't a single thing in your long life that you could call completely your own.

With every death today so many dreams are left unachieved, crazy things left unchecked on the bucket list, and unique potential left unexpressed.

DON'T let that be you. Please. I'm still a mess myself, struggling to reach class on time and studying subjects that aren't exactly fun, when all I want to do is create content (read: fireworks) that is at a level of insanity, influence folks to do better, hold crazy world tours and meet-and-greets to give hugs, and get an adorable puppy so I can create a dogstagram (yes, I'm that mom). Sure, I could declare it's too hard, hang onto small-minded and negative people who whine endlessly, and follow the crowd, getting lost in it, with ease.

But I won’t because I can’t take the burden of those regrets. That painful unrest and discontent that nothing could cure, not drugs, alcohol, buddies, not even true love. For then I’d be just another drone, my controller in the hands of society, forcing me to see the world through its eyes. I can’t give in because I’m scared, terrified even, of wasting away this one life doing the bidding of others- folks who won't even notice when I’m gone.

It’s easy to be depressed and crib your entire life. It’s easy to think you’re worthless and that trying is pointless since nothing ever goes your way.

But perhaps, if you rise, if you simply DECIDE to have the audacity to fight for what you believe in, if you work and focus on becoming better, things will go your way. Life will bend to you, in awe, at your incredible relentlessness. Life will take one look at you, wonder who the fuck is this person? How the fuck are they so incapable of giving up? And back right away. And then perhaps, life will be such a blast for you that depression would become the past you never had.

I know you can get there, conqueror. It’s time you knew it too.

🌚🌝 Further reading? 🌝🌚

Last Post :— How To Get Back Into The Creative Process – For you, if you're in a creative rut. Get outta it and go create magic!

5 Reasons Why You're Unhappy — To help you identify & cut out CURRENT sources of sadness so that you can spice up yo’ life with some happiness instead. Definitely recommend reading AND implementing.

The Bubble Trap & How To Get Out Of It — One of my classics. Everyone is in one of these 'bubbles’ till they consciously do something about it; that's just how it is. Are you still in one? (Someone teach me marketing, lmao.)

The 5 Biggest Regrets of The Dying (from Greatist) — I LOVED reading this. Pretty much all you need to cut the crap and do meaningful stuff. Read it, memorize it, work it.

++ Want to request a blog post? Leave your request in my ask box! I'll get back to you with a reply, along with the average time I'll need to birth that magical idea.

Thanks for dropping by! It was a pleasure to have you around. If you wish to stick for a bit, I'd suggest picking one of the related posts mentioned above.

If you wanna check out my blog, here's a little something about me (y'all know I love the attention). What do I write about? Three arenas I dominate, Work, Lifestyle and Life, they are, my mate! Take your pick!

I post new blog posts bi-weekly, and my wins, & journal entries throughout the week, so follow me if you're into conquering life, leaving a legacy and being the baddest badass you can possibly be. I'll be your side pal, cheering you along.✨

And that was it, it's a wrap! Martha, shut the cams, Henry, pause the audio, and Nandita, I know you're pretending to be deaf, but Mom's yelling something about doing the dishes. Better skip along.

And you, fellow conqueror? Keep slaying life, doing the work and making it count. I hope you're well, stay strong and go conquer life. ✧

I'm sending you so much love, see you soon.

— Nandini 💌 (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

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fba-art · 6 years ago

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Just out of curiosity, why don’t you like young justice??

aight, so i knew i was gonna wait to respond to this ‘til i had some time to explain.

and i want to start out by saying that i don’t think Young Justice, as a property, is a bad show. in fact, i think it’s a show that had GREAT potential. i watched every new episode via livestream every saturday lol. and now, i’ll be honest when i say it’s been some time since i’ve rewatched it, and i’m always open to changing opinions. a few years back, i wanted to give it another, fresher perspective and dove in for a rewatch, but ultimately didn’t finish. i don’t remember my reasoning exactly, but i recall being disappointed.and it’s funny i received this ask this week, b/c my friend and i were planning on giving it another rewatch for shits and giggle after finals ( sober or not is tbd ).

but so, here’s where i stand on the show.

i started watching YJ when it was abt 5 episodes into s1. and i binged those first five and stick to my guns that holy SHIT 1-3 are bomb as FUCK. super strong start! Independence Day will never not get me SO HYPE and remind me why i fell in love with DC’s teenage heroes in the first place. it’s so… youthful. a fun conversation for another time.

and now, when i started watching YJ, it was like four months into my making my TT!Kid Flash rp blog, and two months after i’d gotten into reading comics; when i found out Wally was like a biG DC CHARACTER, NOT JUST AN OLD CARTOON ONE-SHOT, i went EVERYWHERE to get my hands on more about Wally West. ironically, the first purchase i ever made from a comic store was a silver age Teen Titans tale, issue #2 of TTY1, and two issues of the old Young Justice comics ( still some of my favorite comics to this day; more on that later ).TL;DRi saw a commercial for YJ, ft. my fave DC char and my fave comic title and went “HOSHIT”.

as the episodes pushed the show’s plot along, it was fun and explorative of a more intense side to the idea of a group of superteens in the DCU. and again, very TEENAGER-Y, which i say in the BEST of ways, considering that was the target audience as well. but, as part of that audience at the time, one of the things that had started to bother me was the character relationships. yeah, i was loving on most of the main cast at the time, but for the first half of the season, the team’s supposedly-close friendships were pushed to the backburner ( EXCEPT for KF and Rob’s, which was one of the only things that got me through the season ). the first season WAS about straining relationships. the social drama was palpable. you NEED conflict in your plots, and char-v-char is especially fun. but i remember feeling like there was little bonding. they were a group of acquaintances, learning to co-habitate the same space- not to say that they didn’t seem like friends, but there was a lack of balance between “teens being professionals in their field” and “teens being immature teens”. both were squeezed in, but both consistently felt forced.

which brings me to the next point: forcing relationships without developing them!i wasn’t sure why i was supposed to care about Roy, like. At all. the team always bringing up that they trained alongside him, grew with the guy, and then??? nada, except when the plot needed edgy tantrumy angst.then there was spitfire. i ship spitfire now, but the ENTIRETY of s1 i was SO FRUSTRATED, because all those two did was bicker. wally was pretty foul to artemis, who was also just plain mean to wally. and i say this with the two of them as my TOP FAVE CHARS.and don’t get me STARTED on the best char on the entire team, KALDUR’AHM!!!! who was shit on by EVERYONE– fandom and plot, alike. actually, i do recall in my last rewatch starting two tallies of everytime kaldur was DISRESPECTED and TREATED LIKE GARBAGE BY TEEN AND ADULT CHARS, versus everytime he was treated respectfully. this boy was BRUTALIZED through s1.m’gann and conner, too– a cute concept, but borderline cringey, even creepy, at times. i was rooting for supermartian. i was. but it was like the writers didn’t know how to write a slowburn. the idea was honestly better on paper than in execution.

the YJ spinoff comics filled in a lot of these gaps, i’ll admit. it explored the chars, their relationships, and their behavior in ways the show seemingly didn’t have time to do, and i LOVE the spinoff series. but i also firmly believe that you shouldn’t need a second media to fix the first. it’s capitalistic and no fun.

through the duration of the show, there were also issues such as the hiatuses. i don’t recall them coming with much warning at a time, nor sticking to much of a schedule. i don’t actually remember what they were for, either. but, before and after each of (three?? was it three?) hiatuses, the showrunners would introduce a new character during a new arc, give said character some liners or plot fodder, and do away with them for the rest of the season ( i.e Rocket, Zatanna, Garth and Tula, etc. ).

i have some other, nitpickier issues– why was wally That Way, why was clark Like That, how come bruce was the ENABLER the entire time, etc– but many can be argued as whether they affected the show as a whole or not.my actual biggest problem was the direction.the director.Greg Weisman.bc idk what the hell he was doing half the time, and i don’t think he knew, either. the writing wasn’t GREAT, but at least it was consistent. Weisman truly had a marketable property, a fan favorite, and one of CN’s best running shows at the time. but between the hiatuses, the writing’s faults, the insufficient character development, and a HUGE ego thanks to his fanbase, Weisman was unable to uphold the integrity of his show. there was both fan-pandering, AS WELL AS consciously going AGAINST fans’ wishes. there was that whole “Ask Greg”-thing, too, where he would get back to a fan once every blue moon and answer background questions about the show’s universe, which became a scene of hot debate. Greg Weisman became the JK Rowling of DC, and lost a lot of my respect with his lack of damage control, and impulse control.

then, with the very inception of the show– and i don’t actually know if i can blame weisman for this or not, but i wanna know who pitched it, otherwise– the show’s CONCEPT. why was Young Justice made with this particular cast of characters, cherrypicked through DC history, aged down or revamped or just cut-and-pasted where they didn’t fit? why was its concept, “COVERT TEAM OF ADOLESCENTS WITH SUPERPOWERS WORKING TOGETHER WITH LACK OF SUPERVISION”? why was the show called “Young Justice” when what they wanted was the TT v3 comics? WHY DID WE NEED TO TURN SUPERMAN INTO THE UNAVAILABLE-FATHER TROPE????? questions that will forever remain unanswered. that’s a lie, i can answer most of them, myself.but all in all, a show with great potential that failed in execution.

season 2, i actually enjoyed more than season 1– it felt like there was more of a handle on the story and cast, alike. did i approve of season 2 and what went down? debatable. but that’s a very subjective view. objectively, season 2 flowed better than season 1, but still didn’t follow through on subplots, nor resolved relationships or even characterization ( m’gann, girl what the fuck?? ). very little team bonding, save for, once again, two chars out of the whole team. again, another season of SO much potential, but one that fell short.

its pros, however– i really enjoyed the darker themes, getting darker as time went on. there was a lot of tragedy in s2, and different perspectives and walks of life to watch through different lenses. a much more diverse cast, and very different conflicts to tackle. i was impressed. i don’t think all the controversies were resolved, but i also wasn’t quite as upset that they weren’t; open-ended conflict is frustrating, but is a great lead-in to another season.

————which, for better or for worse, we weren’t supposed to have.i personally would’ve rather the show ended there, not quite on a high note ( are u fucking kidding me fjaoisdfjoaifio waLLY, this was during the n52, too ), but with a concrete END. of course there was more to explore, the world they’d built was a big one, but we didn’t need to.

i was literally just yesterday chatting w my sis, bc after school lets out, we wanna watch season 3. i really do. i’m upset that there is one, but i do wanna know what happens to my faves. and, on top of that, i’ve been meaning to do one BIG rewatch, anyways, to get me set up for s3. as a student of film, it’s a huge philosophy of mine to rewatch EVERYTHING and go in with the intent of giving it a fresh start and a clean slate– both medias i love, and medias i hate. it’s important to analyze pop culture critically, and even things that aren’t good can still be enjoyable.

for me, Young Justice wasn’t a phenomenal show to begin with, from its technological side to its creative team to its politics, and i stopped enjoying it pretty early on. but, that isn’t to say it didn’t accomplish GREAT things, and isn’t UN-enjoyable; it has its moments. also i would DIE for most of the cast, i fucking love the characters.

i don’t think anyone is wrong for liking Young Justice. i try to stay in the loop about it, and form new opinions based on whatever information is out there until i can get ahold of the source material. and, i do like aspects of the show. but ultimately, it just isn’t my cup of tea.

#Anonymous #LONG post under read more #rambley. sorry about that it's 1 AM

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curatedjournal-blog · 6 years ago

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World Mental Health Day - Some thoughts for students

So, likelihood is you’ve seen these before or they don’t matter/apply to you BUT in the off chance that you may need to hear it today, tomorrow, yesterday or 5 years from now let me tell you a few things about self-care and dealing with ill mental health not just as a student but as a human being.

DISCLAIMER/WARNING: I have been on and off depression and anxiety meds for the past 5+ years, have been through counselling, CBT, you name it. Also, some of this may be TRIGGERING so please be kind to yourself and stop/don’t start reading it if it feels wrong or painful. Also, these are as much for me as they are for others so there’s that...

1. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Sadly, all around the world, ill mental health is misunderstood, mocked and disregarded by many. Sometimes you may not be able to find support in your family or friends. Often not because they don’t want to support you but because they don’t understand what you are going through. However, there are multitudes of online and offline communities that can help for free and with no strings attached (I don’t want to recommend any service in particular for personal reasons but Google

can be a great friend in these cases. Also, your school/uni often has free psychological support for students).

2. Stress and anxiety are more common among students than you think. The pressure can be awful and it comes from all sides - family, money, professors, yourself. It sucks. Which is why you NEED to...

3. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Dude, self-care is everywhere these days. In a way, it almost lost it’s meaning! What is it really? Going on a shopping spree? Having a spa day? Exercising? Eating your favourite snack? Watching an episode of your fave show? All of the above? Well...

4. ONE SIZE DOESN’T FIT ALL. For me self-care is not binge watching Netflix as a way to avoid my to-dos, not letting shit accumulate, staying moderately on top of things and not kicking myself in the ass if I don’t. It’s also practicing kundalini yoga as OFTEN as I REMEMBER, journalling WHEN I feel like it, engaging in a hobby for 5 MINS to take my head of things, cooking a healthy meal IF I have time, etc.

5. SELF-CARE DOESN’T HAVE TO COST MONEY. Students are broke, we ain’t got no money (or time) for expensive massages and weekend yoga retreats. There’s so many free stuff that DOES NOT REQUIRE A SUBSCRIPTION which you can engage in to help you relax. Find a free exhibition to visit on a weekend, go to the local library and read a couple of soothing poems, go for a walk in the park (I’m a big believer in FOREST THERAPY). Also, if that’s your thing, youtube has LOTS of free self-care content: yoga classes, guided meditations, tips, soothing music...

6. If you’re STUCK IN A RUT, motivation doesn’t come, you can’t face leaving your bed because you fear something awful will happen well, I’m sorry but I’ll give you some tough love... Motivation won’t come. You have to do the thing even if you don’t feel

like it or are scared to do it. Likelihood is it’s not that big of a deal once you get started so... Take the first step (also, look into BEHAVIOURAL ACTIVATION a tried and true CBT technique).

7. EAT ONE FROG A DAY. You know that awful, anxiety inducing shit task you’ve been post-poning for ages that lingers in the back of your mind, eating at you and your sanity, neuron by neuron? Just get it over with. It won’t get any easier to do so may as well do it now and at least you can tick one off.

8. Frogs come in every size and SMALL WINS ARE IMPORTANT. Maybe your frog is making your bed in the morning or getting up before 7am or doing the dishes. Small victories accumulate and will make you feel accomplished step by step, no matter how small that step is. This can REALLY IMPROVE YOUR MOOD. Also, small frogs can easily become major frogs the more you put them off.

9. If it applies to you, TAKE YOUR MEDS and REMEMBER YOUR REPEAT PRESCRIPTIONS. Many times have I forgotten to take mine or reorder them to then feel like shit and completely useless for a week. What works for me may not work for you but here are my tips anyway - keep a water bottle and your meds by your bed next to your alarm clock/phone so you take them first thing when you wake up. Keep some extra meds in your bag so that IF you forget to take them then you have them with you and can easily get on top of it as soon as you realise.

10. KEEP HYDRATED. Honestly, I get majorly moody if I haven’t been drinking enough and it’s good for you eiter way so, do it!

11. BE ACCOUNTABLE. Find a buddy to help you keep in check (if you don’t have regular medical appointments or therapy sessions). Someone who you can talk to about how things are going or share experiences. Hey, I’m here if you’re desperate for a bud!

12. TRY TO DEVELOP AND KEEP A ROUTINE. Developing new habits takes a lot of effort and time. So it’s gonna be hard and you’ll feel like you want to give up and just hide under your covers (again, I speak from experience). Try and visualise what you’d like your daily routine to be - write it down, monitor it daily and if you fail try again...

13. TOMORROW IS A NEW DAY and a new chance to do things better. Try again and again until you succeed. And don’t beat yourself up everytime things don’t go exactly the way you want them to...

14. FOCUS ON POSITIVES. Remember those small wins? Write them down at the end of the day (or simply go over them in your mind). Keep a gratitude journal - as cliche as it sounds, remembering the good things at the end of a shit day will help you go to bed on a good note. I once heard of a lady who kept a journal where she only wrote positive things - all the negative crap she left out - I think that’s a great idea and something I am eager to try.

15. DECLUTTER FOR 5 MINS EACH DAY. A clean space makes for a clean mind. I always feel more anxious and moody if my space is messy.

16. EMBRACING MINIMALISM CAN HELP. Having lots of things doesn’t equal happiness or peace of mind. Lots of things create clutter and chaos and, in my case, mind clutter and anxiety.... which is why I’m currently actively trying to be more conscious about my possessions and purchases.

17. LEARN TO SAY NO. A lot of students in this community are perfectionists, overachieving, ambitious young people. It’s very easy to be seduced by cool opportunities, collabs, requests, invitations... Think twice before saying yes - can you realistically do what you are agreeing to? Will it contribute to your anxiety? Will it truly be beneficial for you? Be a bit selfish if you have to. It’s okay to focus on your wellbeing.

18. DON’T LET IMPOSTER SYNDROME TAKE THE REIGNS. We’ve all been there: I don’t deserve this, I’m not good enough, everyone else is smarter, I CAN’T DO THIS. Yes you can! Tell that voice to shut up. Say it in front of the mirror everyday: I AM ENOUGH AND I CAN DO THIS.

19. BREAK THINGS DOWN. Instead of writing on your to do list “clean bedroom”, break it down into as small tasks as possible: “pick up clothes from floor”, “change bedding”, “organise books”, “dust surfaces”, “vacuum”, etc.

20. ASK FOR HELP. I end it as I begun it. When it gets too hard, reach out. Whether it’s a close friend or an anonymous support line you don’t have to go through it alone. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, YOUR LIFE MATTERS.

YOU ARE UNIQUE AND AMAZING AND YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO OFFER.

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thebluejayawe · 6 years ago

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Merry Christmas @tyson-baerrie Tis a surprise from I! Your not-so-great and weakly powerful Secret Santa!!

Pls enjoy my meager offerings :D Hopefully you enjoy the fic~ I’ve never done these two before so hopefully I got them right :/

Dialogue Prompts Used

“Your hair is so soft…”

“Are you wearing my shirt?”

“You’re beautiful, you know that?”

“You are ridiculously comfortable…”

Tys is half asleep on his couch, wading his way through his latest binge session of The Office when the door opens.

He doesn’t move, just blinks slowly at the TV and listens as his - possible boyfriend? Who knows - starts banging around the kitchen. There’s a few swears, and then the sound of the microwave going. A few minutes later there’s a muffled grown, some shuffling, then two hundred and fifteen pounds of a Captain lands on the couch next to him, Landy’s head landing hard on Tyson’s stomach.

“Yes?” He asks, now much more awake, but still warm and comfortable. He snags the small cloth pouch filled with whatever - beans or something weird, he’s got no idea, whatever the hell his grandmother put in the thing that doesn’t pop in the microwave - and positions the warm object on the back of Landys neck.

Landy who moans something obscene as the heat his skin. It’s quiet for a little while, and Tys takes to running a hand through that stupidly soft mop of hair.

“You are ridiculously comfortable…” Gabe mumbles into his stomach, not even pretending to care about the TV. Tyson smiles and hums, and Landy shifts a little to be more comfortable on his side. He loves when Gabe’s like this, tired maybe, but soft and quiet, not focused on hockey or the team or anything else but Ty. It makes him feel whole somehow, like...like he’s got Landy all to himself, and that’s all he could ever need.

“Your hair’s so soft.” He says back, and Gabe barely even responds, save for a slightly bigger breath than before. He smiles.

They stay like that for a while - several more episodes go by, and Landy falls asleep pretty quickly, but he stays up, just listening to the drone of the TV and the soft mumbles that Landy always makes as he sleeps.

He closes his eyes at one point when he realizes he can just feel Landy breathing, soft and deep and even, and he-

He loves him.

They’ve been doing this for years now, first dancing around it, then just...being together, but not being together, and the sex was great, but Tyson drew the line when Landy couldn’t put a name to what they were, how they felt. Or maybe it wasn’t that he couldn’t - it was just that he didn’t. So he- he back up, and Landy fell hard, so hard, and there was a few weeks where Tyson thought-

It doesn’t matter.

What matters is that now, when they’re together like this, Tys can at least know he’s helping Landy. Helping them both.

….

Showers have always been their thing.

Weird enough as it is to think that, they really are. When they’re at home - whether it be Tys place or Landy’s - they almost never take separate showers. It’s why, when they broke up (can you break up if you were never, officially dating?) he took to avoiding showering at his place as much as could. Every time he’s step in there, it feel too big, to loud, and too, too alone.

Now that they��re doing whatever they’re doing, if there’s one thing Tys had to choose he was grateful for besides have Landy...sorta back in his arms, it’s this.

It’s gentle touches, and soft kisses, and almost too hot water. It’s Tyson running his hands through Gabe’s hair until it’s soaked through, and then it’s them sharing a soft, lingering kiss. When Landy closes his eyes, he keeps them closed, and Tys slowly works the sweet smelling shampoo into his hair until there’s suds everywhere. It never ceases to amaze him, the way Landy looks when he’s like that.

Eyes closed, head tilted back, just letting Tys do this - it’s trust, it’s so, so much trust, and everytime it takes his breath away.

“You’re beautiful, you know that?” He asks softly, gently pressing his fingers into Gabe’s scalp and moving them in small circles.

Landy just smiles, but keeps his eyes closed.

Tys just kisses his check gently and backs him up under the water.

…..

“Are you setting my stove on fire again?” Barrie laughs softly as he walks into the kitchen, wrapping Gabe in a hug from behind and kissing the back of his neck. Pulling away he gazes down at the sad looking spaghetti floating around the water. “Jesus what did you do to that?”

He pulls away and goes into the fridge in search of something to drink, noticing Landy looking at him out of the corner of his eyes. “I boiled it, but then it was too hard, and now I think it’s been to long. Did you know you could kill pasta like this?”

Tyson grabs a water he doesn’t really want just to close the fridge. He uncaps it and settles at the island counter, watching as Gabe turns off the stove and proceeds to dump the water and the overcooked pasta into the sink.

It’s been a good day, he thinks. There was no arguing, no tension, so friction coming from hurt feelings and heavy hearts. They just...were. And now that he thinks about it, they’ve been doing that for a while now. Dancing around whatever it is they are, but without the pain.

Landy pauses after refilling the pan with water. “Are you wearing my shirt?”

Tyson stares back at him, wide eyed. “Yes.” He swallows, and in a moment of zero brain to mouth filter, continues with, “It smells like you so I used to wear it when you were gone.”

Unfortunately, It seems to be the absolute wrong thing to say, because Gabe’s face crumples into uncharacteristic guilt and sadness. “Listen- listen Tys-”

“Landy it’s okay-”

“No that’s- hold on.” Landy turns around and drops the pot on the stove to heat. He turns back around. “That’s- I looked everywhere for that shirt.”

It’s not like he was lying, per say. It stopped smelling like Landy after the third time he washed it, but he thought Gabe just...never noticed. It’s just a plain grey t-shirt, with ‘Landeskog, 92’ in sloppy sharpy over the tag. He looks down at it, then back up at Gabe.

“It’s just a grey t-shirt-”

“I know. I know it is, and I know- it’s just that one- I’ve had it forever.” He looks like he’s said those exact words to himself a thousand times. “It’s just- well-” Gabe looks Tys up and down, eyes wide like he’s both in shock while also admiring. “Well you’re wearing it.”

“You left it.” Tyson say heavily, and this time Landy does flinch back.

“I know.” Gabe replies, voice just as low and serious. Tys hates how they’re separated by the island, like they’re two different forces fighting against each other. “I know. I left. I know Tys.” He takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry Tyson. I am. But I- here, right now? I’ve never been happier.”

‘He used your first name’. He thinks, because Gabe never uses his full name, and he feels like that’s something to point out, but says instead “Me too,” because he hasn’t, he’s never- he hasn’t had this before. This is...it’s them. It’s happiness and laughter and soft moments and easy touches and it’s everything Tys has ever wanted with Gabe, but if Landy still can’t do this, then neither can he.

“I can’t hide Landy.” He whispers, but Gabes already nodding.

“I know and I- I don’t want you to. I never wanted you to hide Tys, please know that.” He takes a deep breath, and raises his eyes to pin Barrie to the spot.

He could drown in those eyes.

“If you still want...us. Or if- if this makes you happy, then I thought maybe we could- could, um...maybe- well the dads trip is coming up, so I thought- I- I could- I could tell my dad and- I mean only if you want to, only if-”

“I’m happy, Landy.” He cuts off the stammer, a smile on his face despite his want to be serious. “I am happy, but I- I can only do this again if you’re serious, I can’t if you can’t-”

He gets cut off by a pair of lips crashing into his, strong and sure and desperate as Gabe cups the back of his head with his hands. He didn’t even notice him coming around the counter.

Gabe pulls back for just a second and Tyson’s breathing hard, surprised and happy and feeling his heart ready to pound right out of his ribcage, but then Landy whispers “I love you.” and Tyson-

He melts.

Bonus:

“You so cute when you’re half asleep like this.” Landy murmurs, and Tys just smiles into his shoulder.

“So you tell me every time we sleep together.” He mumbles back, humming happily as this time, the roles are reversed and Landy is playing with his hair.

Landy just huffs. “Well it’s true. Get used to it.”

“Mmk.” He shuffles a little bit to get further under the covers, and Landy turns off the lamp, settling down beside him.

“Hey Gabe?”

“M yeah?” Comes the sleepy reply.

“I love you too.”

#Part two!#Secret santa #hockey #mine #images came straight from google #the dialogue prompts i used were from a tumblr post #hockey exchange #fic #gabe landeskog #tyson barrie #avs

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housecity101 · 6 years ago

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Overnight

Hey, I actually managed to write a new fanfic for y’all! It’s the second MHA fic I wrote (the first being a Toko and Dark one-shot back in June), and this time, it’s on one of my favorite OTPs :)!

A cute, simple Tokotsuyu one-shot I wrote that it pretty long but the experience in reading it might be a good one for any of you if your interested. If there is anything that feels off, please let me know. I don’t mind any criticism since I’m still learning to do better with my fanfics, as long as if the criticisms are not embarrassments or anything there off.

If you don’t want to read it here, then read it on FFN or AO3!

(FFN | AO3)

Enjoy :)

Overnight

Nighttime had slowly approached the school.

It was calm, peaceful, and even a bit cool outside. Not even a single villain attack in sight. A relief to most of the students and teachers.

It was already time for bed for most of the students. Bakugo decided to sleep early before all of them, seeing how he had a pretty crappy day. Nobody knows why so they decided to at least do the same as well so he wouldn’t be disturbed by them outside.

So far, things were normal as usual. The students freshened themselves, put on their best pajamas, and head over to their rooms to sleep or do a few other things...

12:45 A.M. on the clock. Everyone was still asleep.

Except for only one.

It was no secret that Tokoyami was a night owl. Most of the time, it happens mainly due to his quirk Dark Shadow acting up during the night. Not to mention having nightmares to top it off. This happens to him every night since he was a young boy, but thankfully it didn’t happen all the time. When it occurs, he would sometimes calm himself by drinking warm tea or listen to soft music.

Nowadays, he has been slowly getting a bit better from his routine. Sometimes he would read his favorite book and poems and even study late at night a few times. Recently, he’s been doing his best to catch up on his favorite horror anime on the streaming sites.

He had been doing it at this hour, binging to catch up with the recent episode. Dark Shadow would join him in a few occasions, eager to watch what was going to happen.

Right now, the two of them were on the bed, watching an episode from the laptop. Tokoyami was laying sideways with his pillow holding onto his head while having one of his arms rest on his waist. Dark was right behind him, his head on his host’s neck just to snuggle on it for a bit. They did also had at least one or two snacks with them, consisting of apple slices and chips they brought at the small market. The volume was lowered so that nobody from outside would hear them. Tokoyami was going to watch it with his headphones on, but since Dark wanted to watch too, he had no choice.

He want to at least watch the recent episode next, but it was getting late for him anyway. Not to mention, he started to make a yawn. It’s becoming a little too much now.

When the credits rolled, he soon shifted himself up into a sitting position and moved the laptop to his upper thighs. “Well then, I guess we could end it here for tonight...” he said softly, exiting the page before closing the tab.

This made Dark Shadow jump up in surprise. “W-what!? Oh come on! Please? Can we at least continue!? Besides, it’s Saturday right now! It doesn’t even matter!”

Tokoyami sighed. “Although I do wish we could, unfortunately we have wasted 5 hours of our curfew so far. Just give it a rest.”

“But we haven’t made it to the new episode yet! Just a lil’ peek!?”

“I said no, Dark Shadow.” Tokoyami said, his voice getting a bit tense out of irritation.

Suddenly, Dark Shadow managed to make a cute pout to at least make him change his mind.

It did.

“Very well, I guess we could watch one more.” His host smiled a little. His quirk would never say no sometimes. “But first, I need something from the kitchen.”

Dark Shadow smiled in anticipation. “Can we get more of those chips!?”

“You literally ate the entire bag we’ve gotten while I only took some.”

“That’s because I was hungry!”

“Of course you were...”

The way to the kitchen wasn’t that long. Tokoyami does rest in the second floor so it’s simple for him to reach the first floor. Walking through the hallways, he noticed how silent and dark it was, but rather dim due to the small lamps. He could still hear a few snoring from inside his dorm mates’ rooms. Taking the elevator, he reached down to the main floor.

He certainly does not want to be caught by Mr. Aizawa or the other teachers roaming around in the hallways. He, along with a few students, have been lucky to succeed in that feat. But for now, it was best to stay low until the coast was clear…

Once the elevator doors opened, he exits himself into his needed location.

The main room was peaceful for the most part. Though it felt a bit eerie due to it being in deep silence. There were a few lamps on, especially the television for some reason, as it was slightly muted. Someone must have forgot to turn it off. Aside from that, it didn’t really scared Tokoyami that much. He reached over to the coffee table where the remote was laying as he turned off the TV before making his way to the kitchen.

“Sooo, what do you even want anyway?” Dark Shadow asked him, peaking out from behind a bit.

“I just needed a water bottle, that’s all.” Tokoyami answered.

“Then can I still have those chips from the pantry?”

The teenage goth sighed. “No, Dark Shadow. Remember, we cannot waste more of the snacks like that. I’ll get you one of the apples stored in the fridge instead.”

“What if I have a slice of those apple tarts instead?”

“You know those are for Sato, right?”

“Well this is coming from the guy who sneaked in for a slice the other time.”

This caused his host to wince in embarrassment as he snickered for a bit. “I-I said not to mention that again!” He cried, his voice slightly loud than before. “You even almost revealed it to everyone!”

“Yeah I know. The look on their faces when they thought you stole it was priceless!” The shadow demon laughed again.

“Oh silence you, or else I’ll get the matches.” Tokoyami threatened softly. He almost wished that his quirk didn’t talk at all.

They then ceased themselves for a moment as they made their way to the kitchen. But as Tokoyami made it to the entrance, he nearly gasped.

There, standing inside the kitchen, was Tsuyu, who had opened the fridge to get something. She hadn’t seen him yet and Tokoyami at least hope she didn’t. It would be a bit embarrassing for him.

It was an odd secret that he actually harbored a crush on her.

This all started when he saw her during the school’s entrance exam, and introduced himself a bit to her during the official first day. But while Tsuyu was fairly sociable, he wasn’t that much at all. This means that he wasn’t able to properly talk with her for a while until the final exams, where he managed to get full interaction with her. After that, he soon started to bond with her a bit more, going out together with their friends or helping her study with literature assignments.

But while it was good for Tokoyami, he cannot contain his flustered emotions everytime he gets close to her.

He didn’t really talked to her from all week, wanting to at least plan on how to properly see her again.

But now, this was a bad time.

He was standing right at the entrance while she has her back turn. Why must she be this cute? With her cute hair, her cute frog pajamas, her cute shorts, her cute slippers, her cute butt—

“Ribbit?”

He immediately froze once she turned around.

Once she did though, she soon sees him by the entrance, causing him to blush.

This stayed like this for about ten seconds. The crow-headed boy didn’t even know what to say, he was too embarrassed to say anything…

‘Go on! Say somethin’ to her!’ He heard Dark Shadow in his thoughts.

‘Well, what do you suppose I should do?’ Tokoyami shouted at him, getting mildly annoyed.

Before he heard him answer, he heard his crush calling out to him. “Tokoyami-chan?”

He went back to reality to face her. It was only now or never. He cannot mess this up so pathetically.

“G-good evening, Tsuyu-chan...” He finally spoke up, at least stuttering for a bit. “What brings you here at this time of night?”

“Oh,” Tsuyu picked up something from inside the fridge as she showed it to him. “I was just getting some gelatin for a midnight snack.” She answered, giggling a little while getting a plastic spoon.

“Ah, I see.” Tokoyami said. He has to note that for another time when going out with her. “I just came here to get some water.”

The frog hybrid looked at him after getting the spoon. “You aren’t able to sleep?”

“Y-you could say that. But it’s not that serious this time.” He then walked inside to get to the fridge. “The last few nights were rather calming enough for me and Dark Shadow...” While looking for the water bottles, he thought about something before asking her. “You have trouble sleeping as well?”

“Mm, not really, ribbit.” He heard her answer from behind. “Sometimes, I would get a few weird dreams, and other times, I would think about my family...”

“I understand.” He nodded slightly, lowering his head a little. “I miss mines as well...” He said softly before reaching one of the bottles. “But you shouldn’t have to feel depressed as much. You still reach out to them?”

“Of course. They would usually call me if everything’s alright. What about your parents?”

Tokoyami’s eyes widened a little from that question. He wasn’t able to call them all week. He needed to remind himself to call them tomorrow. He was sure that his family are worried about him. So instead, he made a slight lie. “T-they’re doing fine...” Tokoyami soon got out of the fridge and headed towards the shelves. He knew that he has to get more chips in order to avoid Dark’s whining.

“So, why are you up tonight, ribbit?” Tsuyu asked him, already taking a bite off her gelatin snack.

“I-I wasn’t doing anything in particular...” He said, blushing slightly. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to tell her about his little binge-watching time. She might be too tired from that.

However, his thoughts were interrupted by a certain shadow demon coming out from his back to reach the cabinets. “Man, you really should loosen up sometimes...” After receiving his favorite chips, he turned to Tsuyu and made a friendly wave. “Aiyo, Tsu-chan!”

This made Tsuyu’s cheeks pink as she giggled. “Hello, Lil’ Shadow.” She watched him lower down to her as she rubbed his head affectionately.

Tokoyami blushed for a bit while making a small smile at the moment. Seeing Dark Shadow interact with his friends or family in general was fairly normal, but he actually finds it amusing to find some people liking his living quirk.

“You still didn’t answer my question, ribbit.” Tsuyu said, eyeing on Dark while rubbing his head. “What were you doing during the night?”

“Oh. Well, I was actually watching an anime that is a favorite of mine.” Tokoyami finally answered, trying not to look away from her.

“Really? What is it about?”

“A story of a group of normal civilians being turned into vampires during the Middle Ages.” The goth teen smiled a little. “Truly an engaging watch.”

“That sounds cool, ribbit.” Tsuyu smiled, not noticing the small blush on her friend’s face. “I’m not surprised that you’re into vampires too.”

“W-why yes…” Tokoyami stuttered again, looking away a little. “They’re actually one of my favorite monsters.”

He didn’t really know what else to say at this point.

He would at least talk more about their lives at the moment, their hobbies, or whatever, but he was too nervous to say anything. If he went and blabbered something to her, it would be nervous gibberish. It was best to maybe end it here and go back upstairs until he turned to look at Dark Shadow at the moment. While his crush wasn’t looking, he made a little sly smile when looking at his host.

By the looks of it, he definitely knew what he was going to say.

“Hey, Tsu-chan, you should watch it with us!” He told Tsuyu as Tokoyami instantly blushed.

“Ribbit?” The frog girl wondered.

An embarrassed Tokoyami immediately reeled Dark Shadow back inside of him once he shook his head. “Let me please rephrase what he said.” He cleared his throat. “I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind spending time watching the show with me…t-that is if you are in need of more rest.”

He waited patiently for her answer as she smiled rather cutely. “Okay.”

Her friend made a small blush. He was instantly forming shades of red at this point. “Are you sure you won’t mind?”

“Not at all, ribbit.” Tsuyu said. “I don’t actually feel tired right now, so I don’t mind watching an episode with you. Have you caught up with the series?”

Okay, so this might go smoothly. “I’m actually up to the second season at this point. I have yet to watch the episode that had just came out.”

“I actually didn’t see it yet. So I guess it’s fine to watch it with you, ribbit.”

“Then I suppose that we should go bac—“ Tokoyami was going to finish until Tsuyu interrupted him.

“Wait,” He turned to her, who looked shy for a bit. “Is it okay if we can watch it in your room?”

Tokoyami felt like he couldn’t move from where he’s standing.

His room? His room that is completely decorated with everything a goth person would ever dreamed of? Was she really honest of wanting to enter in there?

I mean, he’s not a complete jerk, but he doesn’t feel comfortable of his classmates entering his room, aside from Shouji, Koda, Jirou, and sometimes Izuku. Everyone else? It would just be embarrassing. He took note of this ever since the dorm room competition happened. It was a night in which he wished to forget.

He was about to ask her why before she explained. “It’s because my room is pretty messy at the moment and I have to clean it up. I know you’re still unsure of everyone entering your room because of the contest, but I won’t judge you, ribbit.” She gave him a reassuring smile. “I bet it’s really cool just like how you are.” She even made a slight, pink blush.

Tokoyami felt rather nervous but appreciated of that sentence. He just didn’t know what to say. “I-I appreciate it. If it’s really what you want, then I would accept it.”

“You’re welcome, Toko-chan.” Tokoyami just stared at her for a moment. Lord above is she so cute…

Tsuyu then decided to leave the kitchen first right before throwing the gelatin cup away. She made a quick glance at her friend, making a small croak.

If Tokoyami wanted this moment with his destined lover to be perfect, then he must put his best effort into it.

Otherwise, it would be deemed as a failure.

He soon followed her as the two of them walked by the hallways together. While walking, Tokoyami soon heard Dark Shadow’s voice.

‘You’re welcome, by the way.’ He said, snickering for a bit.

‘I am not sure if I should thank you or hate you for this...’ His host responded in his head.

‘Oh trust me, you will!’

He just hoped to the gods above that Dark Shadow wouldn’t dare not to ruin this chance.

Once they entered the elevator, Tokoyami and Tsuyu waited for a bit once they were levitated up.

The crow headed boy kept his thoughts to himself at the moment before looking at his crush, and then at one of her hands.

He was close by her, so maybe he could hold her hand?

It’s not like he never did this before. He had done it with her on several occasions when they were out with friends. But that was it. It was more of a friendly thing than a romantic one.

So, maybe this time, one wouldn’t hurt? Would she even mind at all?

He was starting to feel nervous by what he was doing, but he shouldn’t be. It’s just hand holding, nothing too intimate…

While she wasn’t looking, he slowly moves his hand out to catch hers.

Gently.

Gently…

Almost there…

A loud chime was heard as the two have reached their destination.

Tokoyami mentally cursed himself for not being given a chance. Probably the next moment he might get it. Maybe he could at least talk to her for a bit? I mean, he did had thoughts about her entering his room, for certain reasons.

“T-Tsu-chan,” ‘Goodness that was so hard to say…’ “I was wondering if you are really certain of going into my room. I don’t want any of the teachers or our classmates seeing us in this position.” He said, stuttering a bit while blushing.

“It’s alright, ribbit.” Tsuyu answered. “I’m sure nobody would be able know that we’re still up. Besides, it’s just nice to spend more time with you.”

This made her friend a bit flustered, but soon regained his normal stance. “I suppose that is fair. I-I do apologize for not speaking to you in a while.”

“It’s okay. You had to study for assignments, ribbit?”

“Hmm.”

Finally, they have made it to the door.

Tokoyami felt like quivering with worry. He wouldn’t mind letting her in his room, but he was still unsure of her reaction. Would she like it? Would she be disgusted at it? It was up to fate to decide what to do…

Grasping his hand on the doorknob, he slowly opened it, allowing Tsuyu to enter first. “T-this is what my room looks like...” he stuttered.

His crush came inside to look and was a little surprised.

Most of the room was dark, minus a few lamps of candles shining inside. Every item inside was like a goth’s collection. The posters, the hanged coats, the chair, the strange-looking dear skull, and that sword. She didn’t know what to say, but she knew Tokoyami too well.

“Wow...”

Tokoyami moved away from her a bit, moving his head down. “I understand if it’s a bit too much, but...” He was too embarrassed to say anything.

But then, he heard her spoke. “I think it looks really cool.”

“E-eh…?”

Tsuyu walked a bit further inside, admiring how it looks. “I really like how much you put into this room, ribbit. How long did you had to renovate this?”

“It actually took me about an hour...” Okay, at least she loves the room. Tokoyami made a sigh of relief.

But that was immediately ruined when Dark Shadow appeared. “He even did the same to his own bathroom!” He encouraged Tsuyu to come inside while opening the bathroom door.

“Dark Shado—“

It was too late once she took a peek inside. It was a bit more lighter than the main room, due to the purple lamps on the walls. The walls were painted black and his tub had a few candles around it.

“It looks kinda relaxing. You must have done a good job in fixing your dorm, ribbit.” Tsuyu complimented. She didn’t really wanted to look at it, but her interests were peeked.

This caused Tokoyami to once again blush lightly. Thankfully, she wasn’t able to spot it due to the room being dark. “Thank you.” He then cleared his throat. “Well then, since you are here, you could make yourself comfortable while I set up the episode. Would it be alright for me to set up more lights in here?”

His crush shook her head. “No need, but I have to wonder how you can manage sleeping like this, ribbit. Wouldn’t Lil’ Shadow be ok in something like this.”

Tokoyami nodded as he sat on his chair for a bit. “It’s actually not that hazardous...” He moved it up to reach for his laptop as he began his business. “As long as there is enough lights inside, then there is nothing to worry at the moment.” He then forgot to ask her something. “Ah, where are my manners? Where would you like to sit? I believe I have some cushions stored inside my closet...”

Tsuyu looked at his bed for a minute. “I could sit on your bed if that’s alright.”

That nearly made him faint. “I-if it’s what you want, be my guest.”

With her permission granted, she gently got into the bed and admired how strangely comfortable it is, almost like her own bed. She couldn’t help but rub her hands on the feathery, black blankets. She soon noticed a familiar item from her left. A little night light that looked like a white skull plugged in. “Ribbit? Isn’t that the night light I gave you before?”

“Why yes.” Tokoyami soon got up with his laptop and went over to his bed. A-adorable...even laying on my own bed she is so innocent-like…

“Hey, are you gonna keep staring or are you gonna play the video?” Dark Shadow spoke up, growing impatient.

“I will, don’t mention that so loudly.” He whispered to the shadow demon as he heard him snicker. He really hoped that he won’t interfere…

He walked close to the bed as he faced Tsuyu. “Do you want me to hold the laptop?” “I could hold it actually.” She folded her legs together while sitting before receiving the laptop which showed the video. “Where are you going to be, ribbit?”

“I will probably be in the bed as well, beside you.” He said, feeling a bit tense when thinking about it.

Tsuyu moved for a bit rather cutely, so give him some space. “You can jump in.”

Feeling ready, Tokoyami gently got in the bed, deciding to lay down behind Tsuyu. He reached his head on the pillows and moved a bit so he could see the video. He was the exact position as he was from before, and he didn’t mind it. It was actually relaxing.

He watched silently once Tsuyu pressed play and watched the episode. He could tell that she would enjoy it. She was just too cute sitting like that. Too much for his black heart…

He soon heard her ask him. “So this is how the episode starts off?”

“Yes. They would give out a flashback as to how the vampire spread came to be.” He nodded. “One of the intriguing arcs so far.”

“That sounds pretty cool, ribbit.”

Tokoyami can’t help but smile a little while watching her. He felt something moving from his back as Dark Shadow popped out and rested on Toko’s shoulder to watch the video as well. He was still tensed that he would be saying something embarrassing in front of his host, but so far, he was calm as well.

In fact, he was grateful that this evening was calm, despite some minor issues.

He soon felt something once again as he sees Tsuyu moving down to him, giving him a rather cute giggle.

He responded with a small blush as he attempted to brush it off.

But for some reason, he felt a bit tired. He doesn’t wanna sleep yet. He has to watch the episode with Tsuyu to guide her…

One minute in, and his world became pitch black.

“Tokoyami-chan?”

Tokoyami soon woke up from his slumber after hearing Tsuyu’s voice. Rubbing his eyelids, he gained some vision and looked over his alarm clock.

1:41 A.M.

That’s how long he was out for? 20 minutes?

“Are you feeling alright? I just finished watching the episode, ribbit.” Tsuyu said as she got up to put the laptop away.

Toko hummed in response as he sat up on his bed. He still feels tired, but is at least gaining some energy to wake up for a moment. He watched her laid it on his desk before walking back to him.

She sat down beside him as she started a conversation. “I was actually going to wake you before, but I noticed that you needed a little rest, ribbit.”

“Ah, as I noticed.” Tokoyami said, turning away slightly. “I want to know, how was the episode?”

Tsuyu smiled. “It was actually pretty good. I actually managed to watch the first two, so I’ll binge on the rest maybe tomorrow.”

This caused the goth teen to smile back, though of course, it was small. “I am glad to hear that. It does get more interesting during the rest of the season. I would suggest if you could watch it with me...” He blushed. “I do not want you to feel scared while viewing.” He lightly stuttered.

“Eh, it’s okay, ribbit.” Tsuyu responded. “It wasn’t that scary actually...” She then looked at the clock “It’s actually getting pretty late, so I should head back. Unless...”

Tokoyami remained silent, wondering what she was about to say.

“Would it be fine if I sleep in here with you?”

His face became red once she asked him. He was too speechless to say anything.

Sleeping with Tsuyu? Together!? In his own room of all places!?

“I mean, I don’t mean it that way of course.” He heard her continue. “It’s just that since I don’t feel like going back all the way to my room, I guess it’s fine to sleep in here, ribbit. Are you okay with that?”

“I-I...” Tokoyami got out of his trance and tries his best to respond. “I-if it’s what you want, then fair enough. My only concern is that we might be caught by someone. But I’m sure that might not be the case...”

Tsuyu made a smile. “Ribbit, thank you Tokoyami.”

Her smile...too precious… He thought to himself, trying to rid of his blush.

“Do you have like a sleeping bag or something for me to sleep on?”

He then remembered the cushions as he winced. “Unfortunately, I do not have any at the moment so you might have to...t-to sleep on my bed...” Tokoyami was this close to losing himself. He cursed in his head for not getting any cushions in case of something like this happening.

Tsuyu on the other hand made a blush. She was a little nervous of sharing a bed with her friend. But then again, Tokoyami wasn’t something like a certain rat. He was respectful of her without any signs of perversion. While she would be slightly careful, she was completely certain that it would be fine for the both of them.

So, she spoke up. “i don’t mind sleeping with you.”

And now, he was slowly heating up. “G-good.” He coughed a little, shivering about what he’s going to do. “I-I’ll need to use the bath first. I won’t be long.”

“Okay, ribbit.”

The goth teen went straight into his bathroom to clear his head. He turned on the lights, wanting to wash his face and not loose his head, but a quick leak would be fine too.

After doing his business, he rubbed his face over his towel. “Lords above, what have I just done?” He moaned in distress.

Dark Shadow appeared from behind him, grinning. “You just invited a girl to sleep with you, that’s what!” He said in amusement.

This really didn’t made his host better. Goodness, he was lighting up so much lately. “You are clearly not making this better, Dark Shadow...” He rubbed his eyes in annoyance.

“Well, you know this could be the right time to tell her you know!”

“Ah!” He gasped before turning away. “I simply cannot. It’s just not the right to do so.”

“Oh come on! You’ve been with her for what!? A year I guess!? It’s the perfect time anyway!”

“Don’t speak too loud!” Toko hissed at him in a whisper.

Dark rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Just put on your big boy pants and do what you gotta do. Oh, and if you monologue while trying to confess, I will tell her before you do~!” He said teasingly.

Toko scoffed. “As if you would.” He watched his quirk go back inside him, snickering. He then sighed as he exited the bathroom.

He hoped to god that things will go well.

As he exited, he returned to his room and spotted Tsuyu sitting in his bed while being covered a little with the sheets. She was just too adorable. He couldn’t take it, but he must be at least confident.

“There you are. I was getting kind of worried, ribbit.” She said to him.

Toko tugged his arm once he walked up to her. “My apologies. I had to freshen up before my slumber.”

She nodded. “That’s alright, I understand.” She moved over to make some room. “Are you ready to go in, ribbit? Or do you want to do it the other way?”

“T-the other way, if your must.” He couldn’t look at her a little.

Tsuyu then got up and allowed Tokoyami to enter his bed first. He slowly got in, covering his body with the feathery sheet. He relaxed a little, admiring his bed’s own softness, he felt the bed getting heavier once he watched his crush coming in next to him.

As she got on the bed, she soon took a look at the bird-headed boy as he did the same.

It has been at least thirty seconds filled with silence, and the two of them stared at each other awkwardly, slowly blushing over what to do next. They would at least prepare to sleep, but they thought of maybe at least having another conversation. Tokoyami felt his body getting flushed by the second, while Tsuyu moved her fingertips to her lips. This was starting to get embarrassing.

After staring , the two turned away, not sure when to look at the other.

Suddenly, Tsuyu finally broke the silence. “So, how are you feeling, ribbit?”

Tokoyami gulped slightly and answered. “I am doing well, actually...” Feeling like it, he moved his head to face her. “I do apologize again for not having any cushions with me. I do not meant for you to feel this way.”

The frog girl turned back to see him. “It’s okay, I actually don’t mind it like this.” She then smiled. “I rather be close to you, ribbit.” She giggled lightly.

Goodness… Tokoyami simply hummed in response. He was trying to come up with something else to say.

“You know, I’m actually really glad that you get to be one of my best friends, ribbit. You seem like a level-headed guy and yet, you’re actually really sweet. And I appreciate that.”

He watched her giggle as he was taken back by that compliment. Being told a sweet, caring person, not only from his family but from the girl he likes, feels so good to him. It just feels...good.

“Even after the finals when we paired up, you didn’t mind if I wanted to spend time with me or help me study. For a guy who claims to be a calm, serious guy, you’re actually a good person to be around with, ribbit.”

This.

This seriously killed his heart.

All of the compliments she’s giving him was too much, but then again, he adores it deep inside himself. He doesn’t want to say anything as he wants to think of something, but he feels the need to respond. He clenched the top of his shirt as he gasped, nearly startling the frog girl. He made a small chuckle.

“You do not need to say that about me...” He said, moving his eyes towards his hooded jackets. “I feel like it’s personally ruining my image.”

Tsuyu gave him a playful pat. “Well, I actually find you cute, ribbit~.”

Tokoyami blushed and tried to contain a chuckle. “You, as well...” He placed his hand over his beak. Did he just said that in front of her?

Now Tsuyu was the one who was taken back, making a small croak while slightly turning away.

“W-wait!” He sat up from the bed, clearing his throat. “I meant to clarify that I...”

“You don’t need to be afraid, ribbit.” She managed to laugh a little. “But I appreciate what you said.” She blushed while looking at him.

Tokoyami took a moment to look at the clock.

1:50 A.M.

Now it was getting more later than before.

Is it that time to tell her about his secret? It might not be the appropriate moment to do so, since it is already a few hours past their curfew. Not to mention, he and Tsuyu were getting a bit tired. But then again, Dark Shadow did mentioned that it’s a moment not to waste. He wasn’t even sure how to confess! Should he just say it the simple way with three words or his way in all of his poetic tone? It was a difficult decision, he could feel that it was already ten seconds passed. Knowing what to do, he made a soft sigh.

This was it…

“Tsuyu...” He began. “T-there is something I have to tell you.”

His crush’s eyes widened a little as she sat up as well. “What is it? Is something wrong?”

It was now or never…

Taking a deep breath, he continued. “...Ever since I have entered U.A., I had kept an aura of darkness deep inside my heart. And while I did encountered a few positive events, it was not enough to change that. That is, until I encountered a pillar of light which shines though my aura.” He clenched his chest when his heart was beating from being so nervous. “This light has led me into a path of goodwill and kindness, making me feel so much of it’s warm positivity. If this had never happened, I would have never went through that route...” He then faced her, his beak getting red. “And the one who helped me through was you, Tsuyu...”

“Tokoyami-chan...” Tsuyu’s cheeks became red over his speech.

“That is what caused me to develop these emotional thoughts of you. You showed me how to not shy away from others with such friendliness, I don’t even know how to properly thank you.” He continued. “I’ve been building up such ways to say this, wondering how to put this in the right time… That is why, I shall speak out the honest truth to you in my heart...I...I-I...” Tokoyami started to stammer, not knowing how to finish.

‘Oh come on! Just say it already!’ Dark Shadow shouted in his thoughts.

He panted a little before he finally spilled. “I love you!” He cried, not to loud to wake his fellow roommates.

Everything in the room became silent. Too silent.

The goth teen had to relax himself for a moment. He actually did well with his confession, but he doesn’t know how she reacted. He slowly turned to her, seeing her surprised by this revelation, nearly quivering her mouth. She didn’t know what else to say.

He waited for her to respond but then he realized. Maybe, it might have been too late for him…

“I-I see...” He lowered his head. “I understand that maybe you do not share the feelings I have. Whatever reason it may be, I will accept it...” He chuckled sadly. “I guess it was foolish of me to…” A slight pause came from him, he decided to stop from there.

“Wait, Tokoyami-chan!” Tsuyu called out, touching his shoulder. She watched him turn back in confusion. Once he did so, she moved her head closer to his and set a kiss on his cheeks. “I love you too.”

Tokoyami gasped by what just happened.

Tsuyu actually likes him.

And she kissed him...on the cheek!

He could hear Dark Shadow laughing excitedly from this. Tokoyami made a small chuckle of relief, rubbing his eyelids for a moment. “So it seems that you do share the same way...” He said softly.

Tsuyu giggled and held him closer to her. “Of course I do, ribbit.” She nuzzled on his head rather cutely. “I wouldn’t really turn you down like that, silly.”

“It is so amazing. How can you ever love someone like me? A person who’s shrouded in darkness?”

“I told you already. You’re just a sweet caring guy underneath.”

“Tell me though, when did you realize that you had developed feelings for me?” Tokoyami asked her, guessing that it might have been during the final exams where they had the most encounter.

Tsuyu moved a finger to her chin, trying to remember. “I think...I think it was actually the sports festival.” She smiled at that memory.

He was surprised to hear her answer. “How so?”

“I mean, I really loved the way of how you were so calm throughout the games. Being so smart and level-headed, I thought you were cool out there. But I was disappointed that you lost to Bakugou.” Tsuyu explained, almost frowning at her last sentence.

Tokoyami made a smile. “Well, I knew too well that I was going to lose to him, given the complete advantage against my quirk. But being third place isn’t that bad of a position.”

“Now how did you got a crush on me?”

“I actually developed my feelings when I first entered the school.”

“Really?”

He hummed in response before continuing. “While we did introduced ourselves for a little while, I was certainly impressed by your efforts during our training. I did felt worried about you and the others when the villains attacked, but heard that you defended yourself against them.” He closed his eyes, making a small smile. “I am sure that you will be considered a great hero in the future, I believe so. That is one of the many things for why I adore you.”

“Thank you, Toko-chan.” Tsuyu croaked happily, smiling while her cheeks were pink.

Tokoyami did the same as well. Her smile was something he also admired from her.

“Yep. And he also loves your butt too!” Dark Shadow appeared, ruining their peaceful moment.

And this is where Tokoyami’s sudden anger is released.

“Dark Shadow…!” He growled, attempted to put him back inside of him. Reaching for the flashlight was enough to send him back in. He quickly turned back to Tsuyu. “I am sorry for that outburst of his! What he just said was not true!” He stuttered, his face getting red by the second. How dare he tell her about his own secrets in front of him?

Tsuyu blushed before laughing again. “If that’s true, then I’ll accept it, ribbit.”

Tokoyami sighed in relief. He’ll deal with Dark Shadow later.

For now, he laid his back against the wall as Tsuyu scooted over to snuggle next to him. The two relaxed themselves as they leaned on each other comfortably while getting used to the silence in the room. A minute later Tsuyu spoke up.

“So, does this means that we’re a couple now, ribbit?” She asked her new boyfriend.

Tokoyami thought for a moment before answering. “If so, then of course. However, I wish not to tell any of our fellow classmates about this event.”

Tsu tilted her head. “How come?”

“Then I’m sure they would bombard us with questions we might not be able to answer, especially from Ashido and Hagakure.” He nearly shivered at that thought.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine. Besides, they are our friends of course so they would give us privacy.”

Checking the clock again, Toko stretched his arms for a bit, allowing Tsu to stare at a bit of his biceps. “As much as I would love to continue, time has unfortunately made us endure our conversation. Perhaps tomorrow would be fine enough...”

“Toko-chan...” His girlfriend stopped him from laying down.

This caused him to sit back up and look at her. “Yes, my dear?”

She flustered for a bit. “C-can I kiss you?”

Tokoyami’s eyes wide as he started to blush. “I do not mind at all, but I must let you know. My beak is nothing ordinary from a normal bird’s. It is actually rather soft to k...k-kiss it.”

“Are you feeling nervous, ribbit?”

“That is false. I am just making sure that I would perfect my first kiss...”

His new girlfriend made a giggle as she held both of his shoulders, pulling him a little close to her own face. “It’s kinda easy, ribbit. Don’t worry, I’m sure it won’t be that bad.”

He was still nervous, but he at least built up some courage to make this moment count. He hold onto the waist of her own stomach and looked straight into her eyes. He moved one of his hands to touch her cheek to get a good close up of her. Her face was so soft and angelic, he could even spot her lips being somewhat of a light pink color. It was simply cute.

Positioning himself, he closed his eyes and pressed his beak to her lips, hoping that it won’t stick them. Thankfully, Tsuyu didn’t felt something pointing out as all she could feel was his soft warm lips.

The two of them locked lips for a bit, slightly moaning over the sensation. Tokoyami had never thought of what a kiss would feel like, and now that he’s having his first one, it was definitely worth it.

They finally stopped, catching their breaths for a bit while smiling at each other.

“So how was it?” Tsuyu asked teasingly.

“It was wonderful, my dear.” Tokoyami finally felt a lot better after experiencing that.

Tsuyu chuckled and placed another kiss on his cheek. “Maybe in the morning, I could make you some breakfast, ribbit. Before everyone else comes in.”

“I rather you and I could make some together. It would be such a delightful blend to our own meals.”

She nodded. “I don’t mind that at all. Also, is it alright to call you by first name?”

“Fumikage is alright.”

“What about Fumi-chan~?”

This caused him to blush. “M-maybe when we are alone.”

He heard her make a small laugh as he smiled back. He then laid down on his back, resting his head on his pillow while pulling up the blanket. He shyly motioned his new lover to rest with him as she agreed in silence. She gently got on top of him as she moved her head on his upper chest. She can’t help but giggle when she felt it, making her boyfriend blush.

“So you did manage to work out.” Tsuyu decided to tease him for a bit. “Can I get to see it, ribbit?”

Tokoyami moved his head away, trying to stop blushing. “I will think about it...” He doesn’t want to start making out too early. Perhaps at the right time, he will.

Tsuyu laughed lightly before kissing his beak. “I love you, Fumi~.”

Tokoyami smiled once more and shared another kiss. “I love you too, my dearest...” He whispered.

The two then cuddled together as they finally went to sleep.

Tokoyami wasn’t sure how this sudden change will continue, but for now, he was clearly happy to finally connect with the one he loves.

And to this day, there was no dark aura in his heart…

During the night, while the newly-formed couple were still sleeping, Dark Shadow appeared from Tokoyami’s back, staring at the two.

“Well, it’s about time.” He whispered, actually happy for Tokoyami.

He decided to rest too before an idea popped in his head. He grinned sneakily at what he was planning as he grabbed one of his host’s hands resting on Tsuyu’s hair. He carefully moved it down all the way to where her backside was and let it touch there.

Once his mission was done, he snickered quietly before returning to his host.

Tokoyami will definitely thank him later.

#my hero academia #tokoyami #tokoyami fumikage #tsuyu #tsuyu asui #dark shadow #tokotsuyu #my fanfic #otp #shadow boys #for a bit #dark shadow is best wingman #but is a big tease

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