#again me with Halsey but I really LOVE her

[silverbastardgoldenfool]

I'm sure I won't be the first to point this out but I really admire the way Halsey was able to create songs which were explicitly inspired by certain artists without ever once losing the ineffable essence that makes her art hers. I'm not on instagram so I missed the whole parade of influences thing - I got that the gist of the album would be this sort of muddle of identities and eras but didn't know each song would have a specific influence. Listening to the album without the full context, I appreciated the scope of its diversity but I never once felt like anything was a copy or an inauthentic expression. It felt strangely cohesive in its chaos and most of all it was, quintessentially, a Halsey album. It's fascinating how, in leaning so hard into this idea of impersonation, they actually proved more than ever what an incredibly distinctive artist (and human being) they are.

[anthromimicry]

sorry, halsey — hopeless fountain kingdom.

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Finally // beautiful stranger

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.2k (including lyrics)

Warnings: angst, mostly fluff

Summary: You’ve got your heart broken once and you refuse to do it again. When a tall, green-eyed stranger walks into your life, you have to make sure he’s going to stay before letting him in completely.

Square Filled: finally // beautiful stranger by halsey (2020) for @spnsongchallengebingo

Author’s Note: any and all comments are appreciated <3

x

Your eyes, so crisp, so green Sour apple baby, but you taste so sweet You got hips like Jagger and two left feet And I wonder if you'd like to meet

The only twenty-four-hour diner is across town from where you live but you find yourself in it anyway. The place isn’t busy considering it’s nearing one in the morning but you don’t want to go home. If you do, you’ll think about him and you really don’t want to cry yourself to sleep. At last here, you can compose yourself not to cry in front of people.

That, and you’re always hungry after getting your heart broken.

“Let me top your coffee off,” the waitress says and fills your cup again.

“I want another round, please. Bourbon. Neat.”

“Sure.”

When the waitress leaves, you finally notice the two men on the other side of the diner. One has his back to you but the other one is facing toward you and by God, this man is gorgeous. Even from where you’re sitting, you can see his crisp green eyes. Like candy apples. The sight makes you sad. Your ex was just as beautiful, and here you are eating your sorrows away. You look down and take a bite of your pie with a sniffle. The waitress comes back with your Bourbon, and you take a big gulp of it.

The green-eyed man says something to his friend before walking over to you.

“Are you okay?”

You down the rest of the Bourbon even though it burns. “What makes you think I’m not?”

“You’re crying.”

“Yeah, because of pig-headed men. I hate men,” you scoff and take another bite of your pie.

He chuckles not at you but at your comment. “Can I sit?”

“Sure. Want some of my pie? Alcohol fills me up and I won’t be able to eat this all.”

“Don’t mind if I do.” He takes your fork and scoops some pie onto it before eating it. “My name is Dean.”

“I hope you treat your lady better than my man did, Dean.”

“I don’t have a lady but if I did, I would.” You nod and take the fork back for another bite. “Want me to beat him up?”

Maybe it’s your drunken brain or maybe it was genuinely funny, but you laugh at the thought of your ex getting beat by some stranger.

“You might not be able to take him on. He’s pretty big.”

“You clearly have no idea who I am, sweetheart. I’ll get my brother to help.” You giggle and bite your lower lip to stop your grin from spreading too wide. “What a shame.”

“What?”

“I know I shouldn’t be hitting on you but that guy doesn’t know what he gave up.”

“What do you mean?”

“He had a woman with the most gorgeous smile. If you were mine, I’d never want to stop seeing it.”

You smile again, this time, a shy one. It makes you sad because all beautiful men are like this.

Your voice is velvet through a telephone You can come to mine, but both my roommates are home Think I know a bar where they would leave us alone And I wonder if you'd take it slow

You and Dean kept in touch after meeting him half-drunk and crying over another man, and you’re kind of nervous to let him in more. You have a daughter who you love dearly, and bringing in strangers isn’t something you want to do to her. You don’t want her getting to know someone, bond with him, only for him to leave. Her father didn't want her so how can you expect anyone else to stay?

You and Dean hang when you can, when you have someone else to watch her, but finding a sitter is hard enough as it is. You don’t make a lot of money because you depended on your ex-boyfriend for everything. You didn’t have to work when he paid for everything. You’re trying your best even if it doesn’t feel like it.

“It’s been a while since I’ve heard your voice,” Dean says over the phone.

His voice is so velvety smooth that it makes you get butterflies from words alone.

“Sorry, I’ve been a bit busy. It’s been hard to get away.”

“I get it. Look, I have some free time now. I’d like to see you.”

You think of Amelia and how you can’t leave her here alone. She’s only six, she needs someone to watch her.

“I’d love to, Dean, but I have a daughter here that I can’t leave alone. I can’t afford a sitter right now otherwise I’d say yes.”

“Right. Of course, I understand.”

He sounds disappointed. You bite your lower lip in thought. Your sister lives a few houses down from you. If she says yes, you can leave and hang with Dean at a bar or something. You don’t want him coming here. As much as you like him, you’re not ready for Amelia to meet him.

“Let me ask my sister if she can watch her. I’ll text you if I can or not.”

“If you can, I’ll be at Joe’s. I hope to see you there.”

You immediately dial your sister because it’s a lot harder for her to say no to you over the phone rather than text.

“Hey, Y/N.”

“Okay, don’t say no right away. Just listen to me.”

“You want me to watch Amelia?”

“Just for a little bit. Maybe a couple of hours. I met this guy. His name is Dean.” You hear her sigh which makes you pause. You know this sigh. It’s a disappointed sigh. “Jess, it’s not what you think.”

“You just broke up with Trevor how long ago? You already met someone?”

“It’s not like I’m going to marry him. I just… I can’t explain it. He’s nice…”

“Trevor was nice.”

“Jess, please? Just a couple of hours. I’ll pay you if you want.”

“No, you don’t need to do that,” she sighs. “Fine, I’ll watch her only for two hours.”

“You got it. Thank you.”

“I hope you know what you’re doing. I’d hate to see you hurt over yet another guy.”

Trust me, me too. After she comes over, Amelia is happy to see her aunt. Joe’s is only ten minutes from your place, and you text Dean you’ll be right there. He’s in the back playing with darts when you arrive, and you head over with a smile.

“I’m glad you could make it.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“So, you have a daughter?”

“Yeah, her name is Amelia. She’s my pride and joy. My ex was her father, and you know that didn’t end too well. I’d have you come over but I don’t want her meeting someone still so new, you know?”

“Yeah. I get it. Trust me.”

“I like you, Dean. I just need to take it slow.”

“Whatever you need to feel safe.”

Just like that, you fall for him a bit more.

I grab your hand and then we run to the car Singin' in the street and playin' air guitar Stuck between my teeth just like a candy bar And I wonder if it goes too far to say

After two months of dating, you decide it’s best if he gets to meet Amelia. You’re not sure if it’s going to crash and burn or work out but you have to put faith in this decision. Dean has been nothing but good to you, so you’re taking the chance he’ll love your daughter. Amelia knows you’ve been seeing someone. She’s not stupid. She’s a very smart six-year-old--too smart for her own good.

“Dean is almost here.”

“Do you like him, Mommy?”

“I do,” you smile.

Amelia shrugs and goes back to coloring. Dean shows up in his gorgeous Impala that you love riding in. He even let you drive it once which was thrilling. You leave Amelia coloring in the living room to greet Dean at the door. He keeps the kiss short and sweet knowing your daughter is here. You turn to let him in when you see your daughter standing right behind you with her hands on her hips.

“Hi, you must be Amelia. My name is--”

“Are you gonna break my Mommy’s heart like Daddy did?”

You’re taken aback by the question. Dean doesn’t seem scared by her sass, in fact, he encourages it.

“No, I won’t.”

“You better not, mister. I know how to fight.” Dean can’t help but laugh. “You better be a good one.”

“Okay, why don’t you go play in your room.” Amelia leaves without another word, and you close the front door with an apologetic face. “I’m sorry about her. It’s been rough lately.”

“She’s a cute kid. I know we agreed to stay in tonight, but what do you say I take you and Amelia out? Maybe to a zoo? I bet she’d love seeing the animals.”

You look out the window and see his shiny black car. You love his car but it’s not suitable for Amelia.

“You know I love your car, but there are no seatbelts. I am not putting my baby in a car with no seatbelts.”

“Yeah, okay,” he nods.

You two settle on the couch and put a movie on that you both love. Within the first act, he pulls you into him and wraps his arm around you. You should be happy, and you’re trying really hard to be, but Trevor behaved the exact same way. He was so nice and loving in the beginning but he let his true colors show later on. Had you not run when you did, you would have had bruises on your body from him.

Still, through all that fear, you can’t seem to stay away from Dean.

I've never recognized a purer face You stopped me in my tracks and put me right in my place Used to think that lovin' meant a painful chase But you're right here now and I think you'll stay

It’s been a week since Dean promised to take you and Amelia to the zoo. He promised to have a car that is safe enough for your daughter, so you’re not sure if that means upgrading the Impala or getting another car altogether. Dean loves his car so you don’t think he’d give up his precious car for you.

“Amelia, are you ready?”

“Yes!”

“Are you excited?”

“I can’t wait to see the lions, Mama! And the giraffes!”

“If you’re lucky, you might get a kiss from a giraffe.”

Amelia giggles as you help put her shoes on.

“I hope you keep this one. I like him.”

“I like him, too.”��Then again, I liked the other one. A car you don’t recognize pulls up to your house, and you take two steps outside to see who it could be. Dean exits and smiles when he sees your confused face. He’s not driving his beloved Impala. He’s driving a new version of a Dodge Ram. “Whose car is that?”

“Mine. I bought it yesterday.”

“Why?”

“It has seatbelts.” Your heart melts a bit. “Now I can take Amelia out without you worrying about her safety. I hear this is a really good car.”

“You’d do that for her?”

“I’d do that for you.”

You want to move toward him and kiss him but you’re stuck. You can’t move. You’re shocked because Trevor would have never done this for you or Amelia. He loved driving sports cars that were never safe for children, and he refused to get a car that could support her.

Dean might be a keeper.

Oh, we're dancin' in my livin' room And up come my fists And I say, I'm only playing, but The truth is this I've never seen a mouth that I would kill to kiss And I'm terrified, but the truth is this I said Beautiful stranger, here you are in my arms and I know That beautiful strangers only come along to do me wrong And I hope Beautiful stranger, here you are in my arms And I think it's finally, finally, finally, finally, finally safe For me to fall

Amelia is sleeping but you and Dean wanted to have date night. Your sister isn’t in town to watch her and you didn’t want to take her to a bar at such a late hour. Dean offered to bring the date to you, which is why you two are slow dancing in your darkened living room. The only source of light is the candles you lit prior to him coming.

Soft rock flows through your speakers at a low tone so as not to wake Amelia, but Dean doesn’t mind. Dean runs his hands down your waist and grips your hips gently, and you lean up to press your lips against his. You’ve never felt this way about anyone, not even Trevor. He says all the right things, does all the right things, and knows exactly how to make your heart flutter.

You’re still terrified but it’s a good terrified. You’re scared of what this could mean, not that he could break your heart.

You pull away from him and stare into his beautiful green eyes.

“Don’t make me regret falling for you,” you whisper.

He leans his forehead on yours.

“I won’t.”

x

Want to be tagged? Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[spicysighs]

Matty Healy + Taylor Swift Timeline

11/7/13: Matty talking about Taylor liking the band and being asked to tour with her.

1/21/14: Matty talking about Taylor liking the band. xx

3/31/14: Matty talks about being asked to tour with Taylor and turning it down. "That was cool. It’s like, ‘We can’t, but that is really nice, thank you very much.”

11/4/14: Matty is pictured wearing a deluxe 1989 album cover tee at his concert in Milwaukee.

11/8/14: Taylor reblogs the picture on tumblr and says they are her favorite band.

11/9/14: Taylor likes these two pictures of Matty wearing the 1989 t-shirt.

11/9/14: Taylor liked this gif-set of Matty talking about whether he’s a dog or cat person.

11/19/14: Selena Gomez, Taylor and other friends went to The 1975 show in LA. Video of them singing along to ‘The City.’

11/19/14: Taylor & Matty making a video for a fan. (Jamie’s daughter Kitty)

11/22/14: Matty follows Taylor on Twitter.

11/23/14: Taylor was pictured wearing a The 1975 band shirt.

11/23/14: Taylor likes these two posts of them wearing each others merch.

11/24/14: Matty dedicates ‘Robbers’ to Taylor. Supposedly he’s done this multiple times. xx

11/25/14: Taylor likes these Tumblr posts. And this picture of Matty.

11/26/14: Taylor likes this Tumblr post.

11/26/14: Matty likes Taylor’s post on Instagram.

11/26/14: Matty wearing the 1989 t-shirt again.

11/26/14: Matty talking about meeting Taylor "I met Taylor Swift, that was really nice." and when asked about possibly dating "I mean bloody hell, what am I going to do? Go out with Taylor Swift? She's a sensation, I wouldn't say no."

11/28/14: Taylor is rumored to have attended The 1975 show in Chattanooga, TN.  

11/29/14: Taylor likes this Tumblr post.

11/29/14: Matty signed this Polaroid for a fan, and the fan talking about the interaction.

11/29/14: Matty says he can’t kiss a fan because he’s taken.

12/2/14: Matty’s mom retweets this.

12/2/14: Matty likes Taylor’s Instagram post.

12/3/14: Matty about Taylor “Well, she’s amazing. She’s an amazing role model. And not only is she an incredible songwriter, she’s an incredible pop songwriter, which I think is even harder. I can’t speak highly enough about Taylor Swift.”

12/4/14: Taylor, Martha, Karlie and others went to The 1975 show in NYC. Where Matty dedicated ‘fallingforyou’ to her. Rumored that Matty missed the after-party and spent the night with Taylor. xx 

12/5/14: Taylor likes this Tumblr post about Matty singing ‘fallingforyou’ to her.

12/5/14: Matty’s tweet in response to articles about him and Taylor getting his name wrong.

12/6/14: Matty has a breakdown on stage in Boston, MA. In 2015 talking about the incident he says “There was girl stuff. There was family stuff. There was financial stuff. There was drug stuff.” 

12/6/14: Matty talking about a fan saying “I love you” to him. “What did I say to the poor fucking girl? ‘You don’t have the right to love me. You don’t know me. I love you but you don’t get to love me.’ Jesus. Can you imagine your favorite band shouting that at you? What a dickhead. What a horrible thing to say to a kid who fucking does love me.”

12/9/14: Matty at a show in NY “I was sad the other day as someone told me they loved me. And I said ‘No, you don’t. Not really.’ And today I told someone I loved them. And they said ‘No, you don’t.’ And it fucking sucks to hear that. Especially when you mean it. Don’t do that to someone. Don’t do what I did.”

12/14/14: Matty posts this on Instagram.

12/30/14: Matty deletes this Instagram post.

1/16/15: Matty denies dating rumors. Admits they exchanged numbers but “That didn’t really happen as much as it’d be amazing for me if it did, unfortunately it didn’t.”

2/25/15: They hangout at the BRIT Awards afterparty. (This weekend is when she met Calvin and they started dating)

2015: Matty & Halsey date and breakup.

11/15/15: Matty talks about Taylor in an interview “The things that surround her are like Barack Obama. I fell for her a little bit, but everyone falls for Taylor Swift” “The day after she’d been to a show of ours, someone sent me a screenshot of E! News with the headline ‘Who is Matt Healy?’ That freaked me out. I’m not ready to indulge in that world and I’m not ready to be judged by that world.”

12/8/15: Matty talks about reaching out to Taylor to have her in his music video.

Sometime in 2015: Matty & Gabriella Brooks start dating.

2/1/16: Matty talking about Taylor “She was a fan of the band and we just became friends, and we related to each other over how mental our lives were. But when you’re with people like Taylor, there are a million people flying around you the whole time, and this security guard is talking to that guy, and this guy is the new manager. I didn’t like the pace of it, because it makes me confused and I feel like I’m going to miss something. And being perceptive is one of the abilities that I like to think that I have.“

3/17/16: Matt Healy has suggested that dating Taylor Swift would have been "emasculating" for him because of her huge global fame.

3/18/16: Journalist who interviewed him writes an op-ed saying his words were misconstrued and "I saw an intelligent and liberal man wrestling with our culture’s gender roles."

3/19/16: He apologizes for said comments and calls Taylor "One of the most gracious, hard working, creatively gifted, and beautiful women that I have had the pleasure to meet."

6/1/16: Taylor & Calvin Harris breakup.

6/15/16: Taylor starts dating Tom Hiddleston.

8/17/16: Matty says he has Taylor’s number but “she’s probably changed her number by now.” And jokes “I keep texting her.”

8/30/16: Matty talks about Taylor on the BBCR1's Breakfast Show. They joke about Taylor doing jury duty.

9/6/16: Taylor & Tom Hiddleston breakup.

October 2016: Taylor & Joe Alwyn start dating.

10/27/16: Matty about Taylor in Rolling Stone “She came to our show, and you would have thought that Barack Obama had come out. I don’t know another person on the planet that would elicit that kind of reaction.”

11/11/16: Matty again denies he dated Taylor and says “She came to a show and we hung out. We fancied each other, but then we couldn’t have it go any further, because it would be like going out with Barack Obama.”

11/20/17: Podcast talking about Taylor & Matty.

12/3/18: Matty talking about his journal “It’s mainly stories that I write about my dreams of being in love with other popstars.”

12/4/18: Matty retweets a picture of Taylor.

8/28/19: Matty & Gabriella Brooks breakup.

9/23/19: Mentions wanting to produce an album for Taylor in an interview (at 13:48 & 32:00) “Taylor, if you ever want someone to help you set up the mics for your little acoustic record, just so you know, I’m there.”

9/23/19: Matty retweets and tags Taylor in a post quoting him saying he wants to produce an album for Taylor.

9/24/19: Matty tweets “Taylor Swift. With an acoustic guitar. Doing her ‘Nebraska’. Doing her ‘Blue’. Kill me.”

January 2020: Matty & FKA Twigs start dating.

2/12/20: Both attend the NME awards and hug. Beabadoobee (who Taylor is talking to in the video) about meeting Taylor that day “Taylor’s so ethereal, So badass, I was like ‘Holy shit!’ She was walking towards me and I’m like, ‘She’s going to Matty [The 1975] not me.’ And then she comes up to me and I’m like... I vomited in my mouth. I couldn’t believe it.”

2/20/20: Matty mentions seeing Taylor and wanting to work with her in an interview with Zane Lowe. “She was just stood behind me. I mean, I haven’t seen Taylor in years so it was actually a really nice room. But it, unfortunately, wasn’t the time for me to pitch my post-rock Joni Mitchell project.”

10/22/20: Deuxmoi posts these.

2021: Matty starts working with Jack Antonoff on The 1975′s upcoming album.  

November 2021: Taylor and Jack Antonoff start working on “Midnights.”

6/7/22: Matty & FKA Twigs breakup. 

8/9/22: Matty Healy shares Taylor Swift’s reaction to The 1975’s new album, with her saying “it’s so funny.” 

9/3/22: Matty says there will be no collab on Midnights. “I would love that! But unfortunately FAKE NEWS :(”

10/7/22: Matty tweets “You guys actually thought Taylor Swift was gonna have me on her album”

10/11/22: Matty on working with Taylor “Oh we’re not. We’d love to. Love to work with Taylor Swift. Love Taylor Swift, think she’s one of the best songwriters, but yeah, no we haven’t done that. We’d love to though.”

10/11/22: The 1975 discuss covering ‘Lover’ for the BBC live lounge.

10/12/22: Matty briefly mentions Taylor in a Zane Lowe interview (45:53).

10/18/22: Matty briefly mentions Taylor in a podcast (1:22:40) when talking about who they would like to see on the podcast. Interestingly enough her name seems to be cut from the video version of the podcast.

10/23/22: Matty posted on his Instagram to stream Midnights.

10/26/22: Matty posted he was listening to ‘Hey Stephen TV’ on his Instagram story

11/27/22: Matty said he worked on Midnights with Taylor but their versions didn’t make the cut (4:52). “We actually worked a bit on that, but then the version of it never came out.” “It was for reasons not to be criticized.”

12/21/22: Matty said ‘Chocolate‘ reminds him of Taylor “Tumblr, Doc Martens, Taylor Swift, the 1975”

‘Question…?’ Played in The 1975 pre-show playlist. (Don’t have dates because it happened multiple times)

1/12/23: Matty & Taylor before The 1975 show.

1/12/23: Taylor does a surprise performance at The 1975 show in London. Deuxmoi later claims they stayed up until 4 am talking (later confirmed in his profile with The New Yorker.)

1/12/23: Matty “I’m not kissing anybody in front of Taylor Swift, have some respect. in front of the queen? not happening"

2/2/23: Matty briefly mentions Taylor and the Ticketmaster situation (38:06)

February: Allegedly spent several days at a Los Angeles recording studio together.

3/15/23: Matty seen with Ana Salazar.

3/17/23: First show of The Eras Tour

3/22/23: Puff-piece comes out stating Joe and Taylor are ‘great together’ and ‘super supportive of her career’ and will be travelling to her ‘when he can’.

‘About You’ plays at the same time as the Lover MV has been playing on The Eras Tour pre-show playlist. (Don’t have dates because it happened multiple times)

3/29/23: Matty’s ex says “Things were going well until around March 29th then, out of the blue, he stopped replying to my messages and calls.”

3/31/23: Taylor changes The Eras Tour setlist from ‘Invisible String’ to ‘The 1’

4/7/23: Matty follows Taylor on Instagram.

4/7/23: Matty likes Taylor’s Instagram post.

4/8/23: Matty’s birthday.

4/8/23: It's announced Taylor and Joe have broken up.

4/8/23: Matty talking about love and how happy he is.

4/10/23: Matty deactivates his social media accounts.

4/10/23: Matty on why he deactivated “Everything happens in eras. The 1975 is a very eras band. And I think that the era of me being a fucking asshole is gonna come to an end.” and “I perform all the time and it’s my job and I love doing this, but I can’t perform off the stage any more as I just want to be a bloke.”

4/10/23: Matty says “Hey, I love you.” during ‘About You’.

4/10/23: Matty mouths “You know who you are.” and points during ‘About You’.

4/11/23: Matty ���A call for something sincere and direct. That’s what we’re all looking for. That’s what I’m looking for. Maybe I’ve found it.. I’m feeling quite happy.” 

4/13/23: Deuxmoi says she got a tip that Matty & Taylor are dating. (19:16)

4/14/23: Matty cheering during ‘Me & You Together.’

4/14/23: Matty “Romance is nice when it works, this next song worked.” ‘fallingforyou’ starts playing “Oh it’s a different song, this song did not work.”

4/14/23: Before ‘About You’ “Ok, this is the one that worked.”

4/14/23: Matty mouthing “I love you” during ‘About You’ and saying “Fuck yeah, I win!” after it ends.

4/16/23: Matty’s “Yeah you will!” during ‘Happiness’ after the line, “I’m never gonna love again.”

4/19/23: Matty says “It takes bit to get here but its worth it” and “true story” before playing ‘Me & You Together.’

4/21/23: Matty plays a cover of ‘The Best of Me’ by The Starting Line. Take note of the lyrics.

4/24/23: Matty spoke about how he sees people listening to ‘She's American’ in three places: Manchester, Tokyo and Pennsylvania “that’s a whole other thing don’t worry about that.”

5/3/23: The Sun reports Matty and Taylor are dating and will go public with their romance at her shows in Nashville.

5/3/23: Matty introducing ‘Me and You Together song’, saying “I’ve got something real to tell you guys!”

5/3/23: Matty mouths “This is about you, you know who you are. I love you.” while playing ‘About You.’

5/3/23: Matty does a cover of ‘The Best of Me’ by The Starting Line again.

5/4/23: Matty introducing ‘Me and You Together song’, saying “So I’ve been trying to tell you guys” and “That’s right.”

5/4/23: Before playing ‘About You’ Matty mouths "This is why I'm happy. Who is it about? Who am I talking to?"

5/4/23: Matty is seen mouthing the words "I love you" before writing the letter T on the camera lens.

5/4/23: Matty saying “she sure is” before playing ‘She's American.’

5/4/23: Matty flies from Manila to Nashville. (Which is around a 20hr flight)

5/5/23: Matty at Taylor’s concert. Nashville night 1.

5/5/23: Taylor mouths “This is about you, you know who you are. I love you.” during ‘cardigan.’

5/6/23: Matty grabbing coffee accompanied by Taylors bodyguard after leaving Taylors condo.

5/6/23: Matty at Nashville night 2. xx

5/6/23: Matty & Taylor pictured arriving at Taylor’s condo together.

5/7/23: Matty at Nashville night 3.

5/11/23: Matty and Taylor spotted on a date with Jack Antonoff in NYC. More pictures here.

5/12/23: Matty at Philly night 1.

5/13/23: Matty at Philly night 2.

5/13/23: Taylor performs ‘This Love’ with no introduction.

5/14/23: Taylor plays a request of “Hey Stephen”, but doesn’t say who requested it.

5/14/23: Matty pictured at the VIP tent at The Eras Tour Philly night 3

5/15/23: Matty and Taylor pictured leaving a party at Electric Studios in NYC.

5/18/23: Article comes out saying Joe is 'distraught and slighted' over Taylor & Matty dating, saying he ‘trusted’ Taylor when she said they were just friends.

5/18/23 Matty entering Taylor’s NYC Apartment.

5/20/23: Matty’s ex talks about Matty and Taylor.

5/20/23: Taylor’s speech before playing ‘Question...?’  in Foxborough, MA. "I want you all to know that I've never been this happy before in my life. It’s not just with the tour, I just sort of feel like my life finally feels like it makes sense. And so I thought I’d play this song, which brings me a lot of happy memories."

5/20/23: Taylor plays ‘Question...?’ on night 2 in Foxborough, MA.

5/22/23: Matty dropping Taylor off at Electric Lady Studios.

5/24/23: Taylor and Matty leaving the Electric Lady Studios separately.

5/27/23: The Sun reports Matty and Taylor are moving in together.

5/29/23: Matty’s profile with The New Yorker comes out which includes multiple mentions of Taylor.

5/29/23: From The New Yorker “Healy found it annoying that, at a certain level of fame, celebrities can cultivate liberal auras while avoiding the risk of taking real political stands. (Swift, I thought, but didn’t say, seemed to be excepted from his critique.)”

5/29/23: From The New Yorker about Taylor & Matty dating “ Neither of their representatives would comment on the record, but I kept getting texts from people who knew them, and who insisted: this time, it’s real.”

6/5/23: Matty & Taylor reportedly break up.

6/6/23: People releases an article saying "There is no drama, and who knows what could happen again.” and "Taylor and Matty still care for one another but they are in the middle of world tours so both are incredibly busy. They've been friends for years and are still friends."

6/6/23: While discussing Taylor on his podcast (21:06) Zach Sang says "I'm like kind of friends with Selena Gomez. We've known each other for a very long time and we share a lot of close friends. And from what I heard like in the aura around Selena, Taylor was talking about Matty Healy like he was the one." 

6/11/23: Matty reactivates his Instagram.

6/11/23: Matty “You know what’s nice, playing songs in context“ before ‘Me and You Together song’

7/1/23: Matty mentions Taylor "I don’t wanna use this thing [the catwalk], it feels very democratic, it feels very… I mean Beyonce of course, Taylor, Machine Gun Kelly, whoever it may be… I don’t like it, it makes me feel exposed."

7/5/23: The Sun claims Matty & Taylor are back together and “want to make it work at all costs.”

7/5/23: People declines claims that they are together.

7/18/23: Matty briefly mentions Taylor “I speak about this a lot, the Tumblr times, the simpler days, the golden days. When it was just us and Taylor and Lana and Arctic Monkeys.”

7/22/23: Taylor removes ‘About You’ from The Eras Tour pre-show playlist.

8/7/23: Matty is seen with Meredith Mickelson at an airport in Hawaii.

August 2023: Taylor starts dating Travis Kelce.

September 2023: Matty starts dating Gabbriette.

December 2023: Multiple people receive miss prints of “1989 (Taylor’s Version)” which appears to show the song “Slut” originally featured The 1975.

4/19/24: Taylor releases her new album “The Tortured Poets Department” where many songs are believed to be about Taylor and Matty’s previous relationship. 

[redclercs]

DELICATE✰ CHARLES LECLERC.

xi.it’s okay we’re the best of friends

— the one where all you do is think about the feelings that you hide.

warnings: guys, my brain was failing during this so not really proofread, also please pretend the dress is the same in both pics lol, alcohol consumption. 2.5k words.

currently playing: drive by halsey!

masterlist ✢ next

Liked by charles_leclerc, carlossainz55, mati.bassi, tchalamet and others.

View comments

softyn FIRST POST SINCE MAY AND MOTHER WANTS US DEAD

ynstars I LOVE YOU SO MUCH SLAY

aid4anfeels ugly bitch

lecsainz516 whose wedding is this, charles and carlos were there too

formulayn did @/charles_leclerc take these?

liked by charles_leclerc

THE COMMENTS FOR THIS POST ARE LIMITED.

August 5th, Madrid, Spain.

WHEN Charles said you needed to make new memories in Spain to replace the bad ones, you didn’t have a wedding in mind. However, with the rollercoaster that is your life as of lately, you don’t swim against the current anymore. Just going with it is not a bad way to live when you’re still trying to reach the surface and get away from the wreckage.

Things aren’t good. Not yet. The press is still having a field day with all that he said, she said merry go round. Aidan and Victoria are fighting to play the victim and Mia Kim is on a mission to paint you as the worst sister-in-law who could have ever existed. Which, to be fair, paints her in a weird Freudian light.

But things are better than they were the last time you were in Spain. And that’s something to be grateful for.

“Are you sure?” You asked Charles on FaceTime for the third time that night two weeks ago, he had just asked you to be his plus one to one of his Ferrari mates’ wedding. “Are you a hundred percent sure they won’t mind?”

The last thing you wanted was to feel like an intruder, and with the type of attention you carry around like a dark cloud over your head, ruining someone’s special day was not an experience you wanted to add to your repertoire.

“Of course they won’t mind, soleil.” Charles assured, he was still in Hungary after the Grand Prix. “Tommaso told me I could bring anyone, and I want to bring you.”

The last time you saw Charles in person was in New York City, almost two months ago. It doesn't mean, of course, that you stopped communicating. Whenever Charles is on his phone, you can be certain you'll receive a text, a picture or a random iMessage drawing. You handle time zones as best you can without sacrificing too much sleep time, especially for the one who has to drive a car at 300 km/hr.

Although he insisted on you coming to any Grand Prix of your choice, you thought it best to stay away from the paddock for a while. Plus, you had some work to do. You didn't love Talk Shows while promoting, most hosts did horrible, unfunny jokes, and you were the butt of a lot of them, but if being in some of them helped you to speak about your situation and dismiss whatever rumor Victoria, Aidan or Mia (or just about half the internet) had going on, you were willing to make the sacrifice.

You were also willing to attend a complete stranger's wedding just to see Charles again, but you didn't want to give that thought the depth it demanded from you. Not in the seven hour flight from New York to Madrid, and not now, as you're getting ready for Charles to pick you up to go to the wedding.

Your blue dress is frankly magnificent, and you are aware of how good you look, but it doesn't hurt that the first thing Charles does when the doors to the lift open, is compliment you. Well, to be fair, the first thing he does is gather his thoughts and try not to feel stupid after basically picking his jaw up from the floor.

"You look gorgeous," Charles says, clearing his throat. His sudden anxiety makes you chuckle, as his Adam's apple bobs up his neck. "I missed you so much, soleil."

You are mildly disappointed when he doesn't hug you the way he did back in New York, and you dismiss the feeling almost as quickly as it appeared. Although his words linger in the air, he missed you, and you did too.

"I don't want to ruin your hair," he explains, as if he's read your mind, and smiles wider.

"Right," you shake your head, it was obvious. "You look pretty good yourself, Charlie," you add, always trying to return the compliment, and only managing to make it awkward.

There is something about men in suits that makes them twice as attractive, and it's unfair when it comes to someone like Charles, who is already way too handsome as it is.

"Thank you," Charles is always nice enough to accept your half-assed, anxiety induced compliments. "Shall we?"

You nod, and when he offers his arm to lead you to the car, you link yours through it taking a breath so deep, it makes your lungs ache.

"Do you like weddings?" Charles asks as the engine of his car roars to life. A red Ferrari is the only way you manage to describe it, afraid of getting details wrong. Although you're certain Charles would patiently explain anything you needed to know about it, you don't ask.

"Everyone likes weddings," you reply, setting both hands on top of your knees. "Right?"

Charles chuckles and shrugs, "I guess so,"

You love weddings, except when you're expected to be the bride.

"Charles," you pat his shoulder and he takes his eyes off the road for the briefest second. "Are you completely sure the bride doesn't mind my presence?"

You don't want to give yourself some sort of importance you don't deserve—the bride has more important things to worry about—but particularly nervous about how your presence will be received at the celebration.

"Seriously, y/n," Charles soothes, his right hand leaves the steering wheel and searches for your own blindly, accidentally landing on your empty lap. He takes his hand back immediately, red creeping up his neck. "It's fine." he resolves, his sight way too focused on the road now.

"Alright," you whisper, smoothing the skirt of your dress. "Alright."

Both of you remain silent the rest of the way as you take in the Spanish landscape and Charles drives like his life depends on it. You promised yourself you'd ask for as much information on the happy couple as you could, but your voice is lost in the pit that opened in your stomach.

And the evening is just beginning.

It's after the ceremony, at cocktail hour that you find everything out about Tommaso and Bárbara thanks to none other than Carlos Sainz, who seems to really have a thing for gossip and also, for making fun of you for crying during the vows.

"Leave me alone, Carlos," you warn for the last time, this time threatening him with your closed fist. "Not my fault you don't have a heart in that big-ass chest."

This makes him laugh harder, and even Charles chuckles against the lip of his whiskey glass.

"I miss you so much around the paddock, y/n!" Carlos sighs, patting the place above his heart. "For real."

You click your tongue. "Sure you do,"

Carlos and you talk a lot less than Charles and you do, of course. But if Charles calls you during whatever free time he has while in the Ferrari Suite, you can trust Carlos to insert himself in the conversation.

"And a lot of the other drivers do too," Carlos' tone is mocking again, and you glower at him.

"Stop picking on me," this time you punch him on the shoulder.

"I'm being serious. Lando has a crush on you,"

You talked to Lando a few times, mostly when he and Carlos were being boys and hitting each other in the balls outside the Ferrari Suite and Lando made small talk as he tried not to touch his private parts. A crush is an exaggeration, Lando just told you he thought you were cool for making movies.

"Why don't we take some pictures?" Charles suggests before downing the rest of his whiskey. You don't miss the look he gives Carlos.

"Why not?" you smile at Charles, shrugging. The place is beautiful and you would love to have a memory of this whole thing that you can go back to.

"I'll catch up with you guys," Carlos calls as you two walk away, uninterested in the impromptu photoshoot.

Charles directs an annoyed look at him again and then makes it go away to return his attention to you.

"What was that?" you ask, taking Charles' arm again for him to lead you to where the rest of the guests are more scattered and won't photobomb your pictures.

"What was what?" Charles lifts an eyebrow, forever the expert at playing dumb. Or, not really.

You shake your head, this is another deep thought you don't want to venture into. There is enough of this weird tension already, and you're not sure if Charles feels it too.

─────────

"Your girlfriend is beautiful," a lady is patting your hand, a gentle smile on her face as she looks at Charles. She's the spouse of another Ferrari team member, and the first thing she did was compliment your dress before even asking for your name.

"Oh, I'm not—"

"We're just friends," Charles clears up, gentle as well. "But y/n really is beautiful."

The woman raises both eyebrows and laughs, an 'oh you kids' snicker that isn't unkind. "Of course, of course."

It's the first time of many during this party that Charles has to say you're not in a relationship, and it seems to get easier every time the words come out of his mouth.

Although it's true, you're not sure why it nags at you.

You cry again during the couple's First Dance and verbally threaten Carlos to leave you alone as you wipe your tears carefully, doing your best to keep your makeup intact. He laughs, but takes your threat seriously and remains quiet. This whole Tom and Jerry thing is amusing but he doesn't want to actually make you angry.

A few songs in, after you're done bickering with Carlos and you have finished your third glass of champagne, Charles asks you to dance with him.

An slowed-down version of Sixpence's 'Kiss Me' plays as you take the dance floor. You blame your giddiness on the fact that you finished that flute of champagne in record time.

"What is it?" Charles questions, smoothly placing one hand on your hip while the other holds your palm. His thumb runs up and down the curve of your wrist.

"What if I step on your foot?" you retort, looking up at him. That's only one thing that makes you nervous, although you know how to dance. You took lessons for both Supercut and Parisian Valentine.

Laughter bubbles from Charles' chest and you join in, although this makes you even more nervous. It would be stupid to say you don't see how handsome he is, even if he's just your friend.

"I won't mind," Charles promises, and his fingers press a little harder against your hip bone.

"Okay, then."

It's obviously not a complicated endeavor to sway around the dance floor with Charles, he lets you set the pace, lacing your fingers together after you spin back to him.

"Thank you for coming with me, soleil," he says in a low voice. You can smell the alcohol in his breath although it's been a while since he stopped drinking, he still has to drive you back to your hotel. "I really missed you these two months."

"I love weddings. Thanks for inviting me," you squeeze his shoulder, the contrast of your manicured nails against his shirt distracts you momentarily from the fact that you can feel his breath against your jaw.

It's the second time today that you miss the chance to tell him you missed him too, and you know he notices it by the way he leans away.

The song ends before your tongue decides to respond to you again and Charles lets go of you. A few seconds feel like an hour as you stare at each other, unable—or unwilling—to say anything of what either of you really want to say.

"Care to dance?" a guy with longish hair and dark eyes is offering you his hand now, as a faster song starts and the lights around the room turn brighter.

You break eye contact with Charles and when you look at him again, he just nods, taking a step back to your assigned table.

"Sure," you tell the guy, a tense smile on your face. "Let's dance."

The ride back to your hotel is silent again, and you're too tired to find a way to fill it.

Charles' energy has shifted and this makes your stomach turn. Your anxiety worsens every time you feel someone is 'off' towards you, and that someone being Charles makes it a hundred times worse.

He takes the elevator to your room with you, placing his hand gently in the middle of your bare back to let you in first.

"We're okay, right?" you whisper, looking at your distorted reflections on the silver wall of the cubicle.

You see Charles' reflection frown and then his face turns to you. "Of course we're okay, y/n. Is something wrong?"

You shake your head, the loose strands of your bun tickle your nape. "I'm just wondering."

Charles is never bothered by your need for reassurance, not even when he needs reassurance himself. That he's not being a complete and absolute moron by wanting the woman all the boys want to dance with, and holding onto that little slither of hope that he might have a chance with her. He's the one standing next to you after the party, still.

"We are okay. Didn't you have fun today?" he asks, pushing those thoughts aside. You're friends. Just friends.

"Of course I did!" you inhale sharply, "I just— nevermind." you take your hand to the back of your head, already tired of the half undone bun that threatens to give you a headache.

"I had fun. I always have fun when I'm with you," Charles follows you out of the elevator and down the hallway to the third door marked with a 3321.

You're still struggling to find the exact hairpin that holds your hairdo together, and Charles pinpoints it almost at the same time as you do, pulling it out swiftly to make your hair fall down your shoulders.

It's a meaningless gesture, Charles hasn't given it a second thought or stopped walking. But a shiver runs down your back as his knuckles graze your nape.

"Thanks, Charlie." You say, swallowing.

"Of course," Charles puts the pin inside the pocket of his trousers with a shrug.

You stand in front of the room for a minute, having a stare down again as you rub the back of your head.

"Thank you again for today, Charles." you're the one to break the silence, keycard already between your fingers. "I had a great time."

"I'm glad, soleil." Charles his dimples appear when he smiles and your breath hitches when he leans towards you. It feels like you've been showered with ice cold water. "Good night, y/n," he says and presses his lips against your cheek.

"Good night, Charlie," you wave him goodbye from the door as he walks back to the lift.

The feeling of his lips against your skin is there, even after you've washed your face and tucked yourself into bed.

─── team principal radio: ❝thank you for reading! surprisingly, i don't have much to say this time other than i really hope you enjoyed this chapter, and that I appreciate each one of you dearly!♡❞

✰ paddock club members: @sassyheroneckgiant @flowerchild-96 @fangirlika @shegotboreddsoo @roseamongthorns13 @cissyp @chimchimjiminie16 @saturnsrinqs @roni-midnights @gayyvodka6 @studioreader @its-ash-not-grey @lu-morningstar @ferraribabe @reidsworld @feelslikestrawberries @celestialams @kosmosgalore @heeseung-baby @missenclod @buendiabebeta @mycenterfold @aces-tattooartist @burningrred @you-bleed-just-toknowyouarealive @rainybabe25 @ru-kru @lazybot @teenagedreams-cl @cool-ultra-nerd @kuskumu @formulakay3 @bisexual-desi @somanyfandomsbruh @icarus-nex @haziefairy @xjval @xoxoloverb @sainzleclercs @headinthecloudssblog @incoherenciass @bookophiliac @torrie421 @nooshytushie @azxulaa @steephanie07 @anonymous8462 @tbisloneely @pukklv @bn7921 @be-your-coffee-pot @fdl305 @lovely-blackinnon @landonorizzz @ruleroftheuniverse @ivegotparticulartaste

want to join the paddock club? click here!

if you are not tagged please check your blog settings because tumblr isn't letting me tag you

[justmeinadaze]

Without Me (Steddie X You)

PLEASE READ EVERYTHING I PUT HERE BEFORE CONTINUING!!

A/N with warnings: This is not a warm fuzzy story. This is riddled with angst and feelings. This version of Steddie aren't bad men they...they just have extremely toxic behavior due to their trauma. Steve struggles with alcohol and Eddie with drugs while the female readers drug of choice is them. She does try to stay away from them but they do not make it easy. An accident involving drunk driving is mentioned with the reader getting hurt and ending up in the hospital. They belittle her and try to make her jealous and reader mentions how their behavior has affected her. There is talk about their fears of losing her and insight into why they are the way they are.

SMUT is present closer to the end. She is a willing participate! I want that clear. It may seem like she's not but she talks about how she needs them to fight for her. Some spit play, slight edging, use of the stop light system (yellow), aftercare.

I was listening to "Without Me" by Halsey and this just flowed from me for like 2 weeks. Its not my normal stuff written wise so again I say ENTER WITH CAUTION! I will still love you if you don't read this. <3.

Word Count: 10,596 ( seriously didn't realize I typed this much)

“They’ve been asking around for you.”, you friend whispers into your ear before blowing out the smoke from her cigarette. 

“Well, they can keep asking but the answer will always be no.”

She softly grins as she takes your hand. “I’m really proud of you.”

“For what?”, the new guy you had been seeing jumped on the bench behind you, pulling you tightly to his chest.

“For finally getting my ass up for physical therapy this morning.”, you reply as you beam up him. 

“About time.”, he chuckles. “Even though I’m totally fine with you moving like an adorable little sloth.” You roll your eyes as you smack his arm playfully and he leans down to kiss your lips. “Come on. Let me walk you to your class.”

He tangles his fingers with your own as you both head back towards the building. Glen was a good man and the past month you had officially been together had been incredibly easy. That was honestly the best way to describe it. He was kind and gentle with you, always making sure you were alright. When he took you on dates, he pulled out your chair and listened intently to anything you had to say without even a squeak to interrupt. 

He didn’t smoke a pack a day or do any kind of drugs that left him so stoned you literally had to lift him from the floor on to his bed. The few times he drank in your presence, it was sips and he rarely finished the can in his hand. He never drank to the point that he slurred his words or passed out and left you to carry him into his house to get him to at least the sofa. Glen never called you names or made you feel guilty about not sharing a vice with him. He never left you crying alone in your room because he was too busy doing something else he shouldn’t be. He never hurt you or broke your heart…

“Hey Y/N.”

The man’s voice hit you like an arrow to your chest. You hadn’t heard or seen him in over two months…either of them. 

“She’s not talking to you.”, Glen growled immediately coming to your defense. 

Steve stood up straighter as he made himself seem taller. “What the fuck are you going to do about it?”

Without hesitation he stepped forward, bumping the other boy’s chest.

“Hey, hey, hey.”, you reach out to grab your new boyfriend’s arm. “It’s ok. I’m alright.”

His eyes tear away from Steve’s to meet your own as he touches your cheek with his palm making your ex huff. 

“I’m going to be right there, ok?”, he advises as he points towards the lockers on the other side of the hallway; kissing your forehead when you nod.

Steve’s eyes glare at Glen until he leaves, turning his attention towards you and promptly softening his demeanor.

“Where’s your attachment?”, you ask as you try to appear nonchalant, placing books in your locker. 

“Eddie didn’t want to overwhelm you. He thought us both talking to you might…scare you.”

“Why would I be scared of you two?”, you scoff. “Is that why neither of you came by the hospital or to my house after?”

His jaw tightens as he looks down at his sneakers. “No. We just…we thought your parents wouldn’t want us there.”

“This coming from the boy that used to sneak through my window when he was drunk.”, you chuckle sarcastically to yourself as you slam the locker closed. “You’re still such a terrible fucking liar. Stay away from me; both of you.”

“Y/N, wait—”

“Don’t touch her.”, Glen warns as Steve tries to reach for your hand. 

The man watches as your new boyfriend wraps his arm around your waist and guides you towards class as you slightly limp along the way. Angrily, he reaches into his pocket for his always present flask and takes a long swig.

**** 

“Wow, you really suck at this.”, you giggle as Glen misses another ball on the pool table. 

“Look, I’m sorry I’m not as cool as you Miss Suave who can shoot with the stick behind her back.” You grin as he gestures for you to take your turn. What he didn’t know was Eddie taught you that on one of his more sober nights. When the three of you were just able to hang out and have fun. It was hard being here as the cigarette smell reminded you of the nights after they would make love to you or when he would cheer you on while you played arcade games with him and the other Hellfire kids. 

It also reminded you of when he snorted to much of his stash and fell asleep with his cigarette in his hand almost burning down his uncle’s trailer. Or when he would light up in the middle of a fight he started with you because some guy smiled at you a little too long.

Shaking your head out of the memory, you make your shot and it promptly slams into the hole in the corner pocket. 

“I will never be as cool as you.”

“Oh, I think you’re plenty cool.”, you grin as you crane your neck just enough for his lips to meet you halfway. 

“I’m going to run to the bathroom real quick and then I can take you home, ok? Do you want to wait here or…”

“I can wait by the car. Some air would feel really good right now.”

After handing you his keys, you gradually make your way towards his car trying to cover the fact that you were gripping your side. This cold weather was killing your injury. The doctor said that would be normal especially on days it rains. What he didn’t explain was that it would affect everything else like your mobility. Every step you took shot a pain straight through you side and it was like being stabbed. 

“Hey sweetheart. Need some help?”

“Jesus fucking Christ.” You turn around meeting Eddie’s concerned gaze. “I guess Steve didn’t talk to you yet."

"No, he did. I just needed to come check on you myself.”

“Welp, I’m fine, Eddie! Now leave me alone.” He flinched slightly at your sarcastic filled tone as you try to continue heading for Glen’s car. 

“Why, um, why are you limping?”

You chuckle as you turn on him, throwing your hands in the air. “Oh, I don’t know. That happens when you’re involved in a car accident! But you wouldn’t know anything about that would you?!”

Your boyfriend appears in front of you, blocking you from the metalhead’s sight. “Get the fuck out of here! You and Harrington need to leave her the fuck alone! Come on, baby.” Without any hesitation, Glen lifts you in his arms and carries you the rest of the way. 

Eddie watches with jealous eyes as he stomps towards his van and searches for the powder that will numb the pain.

##############

For the next week, you did everything you could to ignore them but you felt their eyes on you constantly. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t miss them. You thought about them every day even after what they had done but you knew what you had with them wasn’t healthy. 

“Baby are you alright?”, Glen asked as you both share your lunch. 

“Yeah, I’m just exhausted. Mrs. O’Donnell isn’t playing around this year.”, you giggle but your smile tapers off when he doesn’t laugh with you.

“You know, it’s ok that you miss them. They were your best friends.”

If only he knew… What would he think of you if you told him the truth? What if you told him that, yes, it had started as a grade school friendship but escalated to something more? What if he found out how much you loved them and why you kept them around for so long? Why you tried so hard to save them…

A loud crashing startled you back into reality as Eddie jumped on to the table and walked to where you and your boyfriend were sitting.

“Well, hello gorgeous…and Glen.”, he mocks as he turns his head towards him sarcastically. 

Steve slides into a chair beside you as the metalhead jumps down and sits across from him. 

“Can we help you, gentlemen?”

“YOU can’t.” You cringe as Steve slurs his words. You can smell the bourbon wafting from his lips as he speaks. “We just want to have one conversation with our friend. Is that too much to ask?!”

Glen breathily laughs as he faces both boys. “It’s funny. Y/N never talks about what happened. Anytime anyone including her doctors ask about the accident she says all she remembers is something darting across the road and flipping the car. I admire the fact that she’s still so loyal after what you did.”

“What are you implying?”

“I’m implying that real men own up for their mistakes especially when it almost gets their supposed best friend killed.”, he spits. “Come on, baby.”

You don’t move; you CAN’T move. Memories are flashing through your brain and the two people you want to comfort you most are the two people who are responsible for your pain. 

“Stevie, baby, maybe you should let me drive.”

“Pfft, I can drive, honey. I’m barely even drunk.”

Eddie’s arms wrap around you from behind as he tenderly kisses the nook between your neck and shoulder. “Come on, princess. You can sit in the back with me.”

“Y/N, it’s ok. I got you.”, Glen coos as he reached for your arm.

Shakily, you stand pausing for a moment as you turn towards them. 

“Stay the fuck away from me.”

****

The loud blaring of your phone beside your bed shook you from your peaceful slumber as you sleepily reached over to answer it. 

“H-Hello?”

“Y/N?”

“Steve? What…what’s wrong?” Turning your clock, you sighed as you read 2am and slammed your head back onto the pillow. 

“Baby, I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I wanted to stay with you but I was so fucking scared and Eddie said you’d be okay.”, he cried tearing your heart in half. 

“Steve, why don’t you call him, ok?”

“Please, Y/N. Can we see you?”

“It’s two in the morning. Go to bed.” He sobbed harder and you heard what sounded like him hitting the wall. “Um, where-where are you right now?”

“I’m at home.”

“Ok, I’ll be there in 20.”

****

The entire short drive to his house, you knew you were making a mistake. You made yourself boundaries and promises when it came to them that you were already breaking. It was so hard for you though when they broke. There were many a night like tonight where Steve had cried in your arms after his father had hurt him in some way and downing half a bottle of whatever strong liquor was in the house. 

With Eddie it took a lot more for him to get to that place but when he got there it was heavy. Sometimes he would frighten you as he tore his room apart, angrily trashing the things around him or saying anything he could think of to start a fight with you. The few times he cried were the moments he thought you were asleep, pulling you tightly against his chest as he sobbed.

Afterwards, you would do anything you could to make them feel better whether it was making them laugh, going to dinner, or letting them vent their pain on to you in bed. You didn’t mind it at the time especially since they knew every little way to make you cum. It was a blessing and a curse to be in love with two men who were passionate. On good days, the spoiled you, making you feel special as they wined and dined you and afterwards playing your body like one of Eddie’s guitars.

On bad days, they demeaned you and made you feel worthless. They made you feel like nothing you did was enough and then fucked you like a whore. 

You should have left them a long time ago but there was a part of you that held on to hope that one day the boys you met all those years ago were still in there.

“Hey, Y/N. Thank you. Thank you for coming.”, Steve sighed in relief as he opened the door for you and you pushed past him to get inside. “I called Eddie. He’s, um…”

The metalhead waved from his spot on the sofa.

“Yeah, well, I’m here. Now talk. You have five minutes.”

“Ok. Ok, ok, ok…um…” You rolled your eyes as Steve tried to collect his thoughts. “Honey, look, we know we fucked up. What we did to you is completely unforgivable.”

“We never would have left you if we thought you were really hurt.”

“Hm, gee, define ‘really hurt’, Ed. Because apparently metal slicing open my side doesn’t count.”

“We had no idea.”

“I’m not surprised, Steve, since you were so wasted you didn’t realize you had swerved to the right and hit a fucking parked car so hard that it flipped yours over!” You felt the tears burn the corner of your eyes. “This was a mistake.”

“Wait, wait! Please.” Eddie reached out to grab your hand and you yanked it away.

“Don’t you fucking touch me!” Your body shook as you began to cry. “You left me…After everything I’ve done for you. After everything I ignored…after cleaning you up after you threw up and passed out.” You gestured towards Steve before turning to the metalhead. “After treating your cuts after someone knocked you on your ass when you snorted your drugs and yelled at a guy in the parking lot because you thought he was hitting on me. After all the fucking bullshit I was there for…when I really need you…you left me! You didn’t even come to the fucking hospital to make sure I was ok. YOU DIDN’T EVEN FUCKING CALL!”

“Y/N…I…we…fuck!”, the metalhead shouted in frustration as threw something against the wall, shattering it on impact.

“There has to be something we can do.”, Steve whispered making you laugh again. 

“Nothing, Steven. There is nothing either of you can fucking do. I’m never going to do bullshit like this again. You two are on your own now. Leave me alone and let me be fucking happy with Glen.” As you turned to leave you paused, hearing Eddie snicker behind you. When you shifted back around there was a sinister look in both their eyes you had seen numerous times. 

“Speaking of ‘everything we’ve done’…”, Eddie addresses you with that slick tone that tells you he’s angry as he plops back down on the couch, digs in his pocket to produce his white powder, and pours some of it on the glass table in front of him. “You think that asshole can take care of you as well as we can? After all the gifts, dinners, and making you cum till you couldn’t move… we’re just trash now, huh? Is that it?”

You slowly stalk to him as rolls up a piece of paper nearby and snorts the contents in front of him. 

“Yes.” He turns to glare at you at your response. “You think everything positive you’ve done wipes away the negative? You think just because you were able to fuck me till I couldn’t walk straight, it will make up for the fact that I literally can’t walk straight because of a car accident you two caused AND RAN FROM?!”

“If we’re so bad then why did you stay?”, Steve countered. “Fuck, Y/N, why are you even here?!”

“Because I’m a fucking idiot! I’ve always been an idiot! If I could go back in time and stop that little girl from befriending those two heartbroken little boys I would.” Tears flooded down your face as you hugged your arms around yourself. “Why, Steve? Why wasn’t I enough? Why did you both have to turn to drinking and drugs? I loved you. I loved you so much.”

Strong arms suddenly wrap around you and you angrily push at his chest. Steve steps forward again, allowing you to hit him knowing he deserves it. Collapsing in his embrace, he holds you as you cry, lifting you up, and carrying you to his bedroom where he lays you in the middle of the mattress, pulling you to his chest after he climbs in beside you. Eddie follows soon after, his limbs circling your waist as he rests his cheek in your hair.

###########

By the time they woke up that next morning, you were gone and to their dismay you weren’t at school. They tried so many times to be sober especially after they started dating you but everything just seemed to get worse. Steve was always terrified you’d realize how much of a pathetic man he was (or at least that was what his dad told him) and you would leave but…you always stayed. So, why did he feel like trash 24/7? Why did he think it was inevitable? Why was he scared all…the…time? The alcohol helped suffocate a lot of that but in turn it amplified the worst versions of himself. For a while he thought that was an ok trade. Being an asshole sometimes is better than feeling like you were nothing but on nights when he’d listen to you cry or hear you beg him to stop drinking, he knew he needed to quit…he just couldn’t. Steve didn’t want to feel those feelings he’d buried in the back of his mind. 

Eddie was more or less the same except he was pretty confident someone was going to take you away from them. That you would discard them like his parents had and run off to be happy with someone else while they suffocated without you. That’s why he needed to show you and any other man that dared to come between you guys that you were theirs. Even if he had to fight all of Hawkins he would. Unfortunately, it was a double edge sword. While he knew he would fight for you, like Steve, he felt like it was inevitable that you would leave and he took that out on you constantly by screaming, throwing things, and belittling you. If he could villainize you now, at least when you left maybe it wouldn’t hurt as bad. 

Like Steve’s alcohol, Eddie used drugs to dull his pain and the rage that coursed through him. Weed used to be enough to calm him down but after a while it wasn’t so he upped his game. There were days he would snort so much that he could barely move let alone think and he was fine with that. 

You had asked them why you weren’t enough and the truth was you were more than enough; you were too good for them and they knew that. 

When they first met you, they knew instantly you were special. In the beginning, you were like their vices. You made them feel good, listened to them, and made them laugh. They often wondered what they did to get so lucky to have you in their lives. The first time Steve drank and Eddie did drugs, you knew something was off, heartbroken that they didn’t feel comfortable confiding you. Instead, they distracted you with a kiss, sending you down that path of becoming involved in that way. 

What you didn’t know was at the start of your relationship they used intimacy to distract you from what they were doing. After you would fall asleep with a smile on your face, one or both men would sneak away to do what they needed. When they fell in love, that’s when everything got worse and their fears amplified. 

Now, what THEY didn’t know was that they were YOUR drug. You thrived on making them happy which you didn’t realize until after accident. Even as you laid in the hospital staring at that stupid, bland white ceiling, you missed them and felt the withdrawals of not having them near you. By the time you were discharged and sent home, you felt clear headed and purged of their toxicity. When you met Glen and he made you smile, you felt like you were finally free of them and headed in the right direction. 

The biggest mistake was thinking you could avoid them forever which is why you set your boundaries and told yourself to stay away. You vented to your date on the phone and he cheered you on constantly boosting your self-esteem while offering anything he could to help make things easier for you. 

For your sanity and theirs, you needed to let your boys go. You prayed maybe if you stayed away, it would convince them to start healing. That’s all you ever wanted for either of them…for both Eddie and Steve to be happy. 

****

“Wayne?”

“Hey, Y/N. How are you doing?”

“I’m doing alright, thank you. Is everything ok?”

“Um, no. I just wanted to drop by and see if my nephew is here or if you’ve seen him at all these past two days?”

“No, Wayne. I’m so sorry. We don’t talk very much anymore.”

Eddie’s uncle scans your face as he nods before backing away from your front door to head back to his truck. 

“If you hear from him, can you let him know to call me? I’m worried.”

You promise him you will as you close the door and lean against you, sighing. You have an idea of where he might be but you knew if you told Wayne and he caught Eddie with drugs again he would follow through with his promise of calling the cops and have him arrested.

“Now, Edward, I already dealt with an alcoholic brother. He never listened to me and I couldn’t force him to go to rehab but I can with you! You’re my responsibility, goddamn it! You deserve better, son. Get your life together…”

Gnawing on your nail, you grab your jacket as you run out the door. 

############

You spotted them immediately when you pulled up to Hawkins Public Swimming Pool. They were so out in the open, you were surprised no one had reported them already. Even though Steve had a pool, they always seemed to like to hide out here. Usually, it was just the two of them, both toxicities bouncing off each other as they vented about things. 

The first time you found them here was before you even started dating. Steve’s dad had screamed at him about not making the varsity basketball team his 7th grade year and told him he was a failure. He didn’t show up for school the next day so you got on your bike, riding around until you found them both swimming. From that point forward if you lost one of them and were worried, it was the first place you searched. 

“Well, well, well.”, Steve slurred.

“Long time no see, princess. Came to check on your trash?”

You scowled at him as you crossed your arms over your chest. “Wayne is looking for you, Ed. He says you didn’t come home last night.”

“What do you care? You don’t love us anymore, right?”

“Just because I’m furious with you doesn’t mean I stopped caring about you.”

“Not in our experience.”

“With me, Eddie, or bullshit people from you past?”, you growled. “One of our MANY problems. You both comparing me to your parents which fucking hurts. I don’t know if you realize that.”

Steve stood up from the chair he was leaning back on and came to stand in front of you. He was so close the bourbon smell was making you feel a little drunk but it was more so due to the cologne smell underneath that always had you clinging to him when you three went out. You loved his signature smell, his and Eddie’s, but hated that it was normally obscured by other things. 

“Do you remember when we were kids and we used to swim in my pool at like 2am? You weren’t the best swimmer but with my help you got better.”

A blur suddenly swished passed you as Eddie ran and jumped into the pool behind you. You turned right as his soggy frame came back up for air with a huge, toothy smile on his face. 

“Eddie, oh my god! It’s cold out here. You’re going to get sick.” You try to suffocate the smirk that wants to be seen. You loved seeing them genuinely smile like the metalhead was right now. 

“Oh, calm down, mom. I’ll be fine and so will you.”

“Steve, no.” Right as you spun around to warn him, his palm connected with your body and shoved you into the water. While you were underneath you heard another splash as his lanky frame came into view. As you popped through the surface, your arms promptly clung around the metalhead’s necks as you gasped. 

“I got better! It doesn’t mean I actually can.”, you laugh as he obnoxiously swims around you two. For a moment, you forgot what happened. You forgot about the accident and that you were angry with them. You forgot all your boundaries you had set in place for yourself and for just a moment felt like everything was how it used to be.  

“Don’t worry, sweetheart. I got you.” Eddie’s palms gripped your thighs as he wrapped your legs around his waist and held on to you as they floated around. 

“Why do you both come here when you want to hide?”

“Hmmm… reminds us of an easier time, I guess. Plus, no chance of our parents coming in and berating us.”, Steve sighed. 

“Wayne would never berate or belittle you, Eddie.”

“Yeah, I know, but I hate seeing that disappointed look on his face. Hey, Harrington, did you see that new Tom Cruise movie coming out? The three of us should go see it.”

You exhaled at his deflection as the reminders came crashing back down. 

“Glen isn’t really a fan of his.”

They both grumbled at the mention of his name. “I don’t think when Munson said three he meant us and your bitch boyfriend.”

You chuckled sarcastically at his words as you tried to pull away but Eddie clung to you tighter. “Let me go, please.”

“Oh, please. Did you hear that, Stevie? Our girl has manners now. Did he teach you that?”

“No, he showed me respect and what being loved is really like.”, you spat as you continued to try and push away from him. “And I’m not your girl. Not anymore.”

“You think we don’t love you?”, Steve asks as he swam to your sides. 

You stop moving then as all previous memories with them flash through your mind. They see you disassociating as the boy beside you brushes your hair away from your face, a little sigh of pleasure escaping when you don’t flinch away from him. 

“I’ve always found it amusing that you two are afraid of becoming your parents, yet you ended up becoming exactly like them.”

Thrown of guard, their eyes slowly darken in anger as you continue. 

“Steve, when your drunk and having a bad day, you call me whore and tell me I’m worthless. There was one night, you told me I’d never measure up to being good enough for a Harrington so I should feel lucky you even bother with me. Eddie, when your high and having a rough day, you throw things and squeeze me kind of like you are now. You’ve never hit me but you’re not gentle with me either. One night, I was taking you home from The Hideout and some guy held the door open for me as I carried you. The entire ride home, you screamed at me because I thanked him and said I had your permission to go back and fuck him like the slut I was.”

“You hurt me like they did you and I allowed it because I loved you so much. I changed things in my life to be there for you but you guys could never do the same. Then, like your parents, when I really needed you, you left me. If you love me…why do you insist on being the way you are?”

They stared at you for what felt like forever and it killed you. Not because it made you uncomfortable but because you would give anything to wrap your arms around them and laugh with them as you continued to swim. You didn’t want this, you never wanted this.

“Loved? You don’t love us anymore?”, Steve asked. 

Your jaw clenched as you held your resolve. “No. I don’t.”

“I don’t believe you.”, Eddie growled. 

“Well…that’s you’re problem. Not mine.”

“Say it then. Say the entire sentence. If you do, we’ll leave you alone and you’ll never hear from us again.”

“N-No, Steve and Eddie.”, your voice cracked as you said their names. “I don’t…don’t…”

The metalhead’s forehead fell on yours as your tears began to fall. “I love you. I’ve loved you since the moment I met you, baby.”

Slowly, his lips move forward to land on yours. When you don’t pull away or stop him, he grows bolder until you’re reciprocating and your arms are around his neck. 

Your heart abruptly catches up with your brain as you push him away with all the energy you can muster and climb out of the pool, running to get to your car. Just as you open the door, a heavy palm slams it shut and you’re forcefully turned around as Steve’s lips crash to yours. Your arms circle around him as he lifts you up by your thighs and presses you against your vehicle. 

“I love you to—mmm—so fucking much, Y/N. I-I-we can be better.” He groans as his lips trailed down your cheek to your neck and your fingers gently tug on his hair. “I’ll stop drinking. I-I’ll do whatever you want, baby. Please.”

Pushing him back, he drops you to your feet as you smack him. 

“The problem is, I don’t believe you. How many times have you promised me that, Steve?! Eddie?!” You turn to the boy you was now leaning against the hood of your car. “This is the last time I’m saying this. Stay away from me.”

You open your car door but he slams it again. 

“Who do you think you are, Y/N?!”, Steve screams as he steps towards you sandwiching you between himself and the car. “We didn’t ask you to fucking come here. YOU showed up! You showed up at my house! You can’t keep getting mad at us for not ‘leaving you alone’ when you don’t fucking stay away! You obviously still fucking love us so why are you making this so fucking complicated!?”

“Obviously, I’m not like you. It’s harder for me to stay away when someone I care about is hurting.” You take off your shirt and toss it in his face. “THIS is what loving you two got me!”, you shout as you point to the massive wound on your stomach. Their eyes widen as they look you over. 

“It’s been over two months and it’s still healing. Can you fucking believe that? I was in surgery for twelve hours after the ambulance brought me in. Some metal from your BMW sliced into me and I lost a lot of blood. The doctors said the only reason I didn’t fucking die was because it had managed to miss all the major veins and arteries. I was out for almost three days and when I woke up apparently the first thing I asked about was you two. When they told me I was the only one found, I didn’t believe it. ‘No. They’ve done some fucked up shit but they would never abandon me.’”

“I waited for you…every…day…I waited. It took a while for me to really lose hope though. When I had my first physical therapy session to help me walk normally again, I thought ‘This will be the day. I want to get back to normal as quickly as possible so when they come see me I can show them how well I’m doing.’ When they discharged me, I considered maybe then I’d hear from you since no one would be constantly checking up on me. I even left my window unlocked thinking you might sneak in. Nothing… but do you know who did check in on me? Glen.”

“Glen called me every other night to talk to me while I cried about my pain. He came over and watched movies with me while I was stuck in bed. He held me when I woke up from nightmares after falling asleep because of my pain medication. Glen, someone who I met only a year ago was there for me when my BEST FRIENDS who I’ve known since we were kids and supposedly love me DID NOTHING.”

“So, get a good look, boys, because next time you call I won’t be there. You finally get to live your fucking lives without the one person who actually gave a damn!”

##############

“Babe? Are you alright?”

“Huh? Yeah, baby, I’m fine.”, you grin as you lean against Glen’s shoulder at your lunch table. 

It had been almost a month since that night at the public pool and you were proud you were able to stick to your guns. They had called a couple of times and each time you ignored it. You had seen Steve stumble out of the locker room after school giggling with a girl as he buckled his pants and kept walking as she practically carried him to her car. You caught Eddie passed out at the arcade on the pin ball machine and left him there as people around him chuckled. Every time you were able to let them go, you felt yourself getting a little stronger but that didn’t mean this wasn’t killing you. 

“Hey, I have an idea. Why don’t we go see a movie tonight? That Tom Cruise movie is playing.”

“Oh, sweetheart, we can watch something else. I know you aren’t a big fan—”

“Y/N, you like him so I don’t mind. Seeing you smile is all I care about.”

“Aw.”, you coo as you pull him in for a hug. “That’s so gross.”

Glen laughs as he leans down to kiss your lips. 

***

“Well, holy shit.” Your eyes squeeze shut at the sound of Eddie’s voice as you and your date walk up the stairs in the auditorium. “Stevie…STEVE! Look, its Y/N and her idiot.” The metalhead mocks as he tugs Steve off of his date he was already heavily making out with. A twinge of jealousy pierced your heart but you suffocated it as you glared at them both. 

“I thought you hated Mr. Cruise, Glen.”, he slurred as he laughed. 

The girl beside the metalhead kept sucking on his neck as her hand rested on his upper thigh.

“Come on, honey.”, your boyfriend grabbed your hand and pulled you towards your seats. “Jesus, how could you tolerate being their friends for so long?”

“They weren’t always like that. When I first met them they were shy and sweet. Steve used to make me little cards for valentine’s day and Eddie would sing me some random love ballad.”, you giggle at the memory until your eyes glaze over with his sadness. Glen tenderly pets your head before wrapping his arm around your shoulders and pulling you to his side. 

Throughout the movie your eyes kept shifting their way as the continued to make out with their dates. They were doing this on purpose, they were trying to hurt you. Normally when you three went to the theater together Eddie would lift your legs over his lap as you leaned back against Steve. They would tenderly run their palms against your skin as they watched whatever film was in front of you. They rarely if ever were sexual with you here and honestly you never really thought about it. You just enjoyed the tenderness of these moments when you had them. 

You noticed the parallels in the movie immediately and so did Steve as you watched him disconnect from the girl he was kissing. A football star from a small town wanting to get out and make something of himself while not being ‘good enough’ for the people around him. Halfway through, he stopped paying attention to his date all together as he focused his eyes in front of him. You wanted to hold him and tell him everything would be ok. That he deserved to be happy; they both did. Curling your body into Glen’s side, he wrapped his arm tighter around you as he kissed your forehead. 

****

“You know, I must say that wasn’t too bad. ‘We didn’t quit! You did!’” 

You giggle at his enthusiasm as you guys head for his car. 

“So, does that mean you’ll see his next one with me?”

“If you come watch a Clint Eastwood movie with me.”, he laughs as you stick out your tongue in disgust. “As long as I’m with you, baby, I don’t care what we see or do.”

Glen’s lips lean down to kiss yours as you wrap your arms around his neck. As his kisses grow more passionate, he carefully lifts you up, and places you on the hood of his car. Your brain began to wonder as his mouth did the same down to your neck. Your boyfriend was a good man and a really good kisser. You hadn’t been intimate with him sexually yet and with everything going on you were okay with that but that was just a double edge sword. BECAUSE with everything going on, you desperately wanted to be fucked. 

Your exes were phenomenal at that. When you felt low (usually because of them), they pounded into you till you were begging them to stop and even then they didn’t. You guys had a safe word but you had never used it. Oddly enough they had never crossed that line in bed. As you felt Glen’s lips suck on your skin, you couldn’t help but wonder if he had it in him to fuck you like that.

The sound of screeching tires brought you both back into the moment just in time to see Eddie’s van just inches from your boyfriend’s vehicle. 

“Have you lost your fucking mind, you fucking freak?!”, one of the girls screamed as she punched his arm. “What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

Through the windshield you could see them both glaring at you but especially Eddie. You saw that look so many times but this was the first time he had ever actually seen you kissing someone else. 

“Babe, get in the car, ok?” As Glen reached for your hand, the boys finally moved. The metalhead opened his driver’s side door and stomped to the back, flinging open the doors. 

“OUT! Get the fuck out!”

“Fine! We’d rather walk then spend any more time with you two.”

“Y/N, look at me. Get in the car.”

The sound of the skidding tires thrust you into your memory of that night; the tires screeching, glass breaking, metal crunching… them shouting at each other…

“Y/N?”

“Eddie, let it go, man.”

He barely heard his friend as he came around the car and grabbed Glen’s shoulder, flipping him around, and shoving him against it. His fist was raised in the air but as it hovered your boyfriend grabbed his collar.

“Do you really want to do this now? After you scared her half to death? I guess it’s not enough you two almost killed her. You have to keep twisting the knife, huh?”

“You keep saying bullshit like that but what proof do you have?”

“Beside my fucking brain? Oh, I don’t know, maybe it’s the fact that I have a nose and can smell the drugs and bourbon. Maybe, because I’ve smelled it on you and still watched her get in a car with you. Speaking of, where’s your BMW, Steve?” Glen pushes Eddie off of him and faces them both, gesturing towards you. “This isn’t the first time she’s shut down like this. When she does it’s hard to get her back but she does mumble. Do you know what she says every single time? ‘Please don’t leave me.’” He shakes his head in disgust. “Neither of you deserved her friendship.”

Reaching for your arm, he guided you to the passenger side and opened the door. 

“Probably why we were more then just friends.” Your bag fell as Eddie spoke, your wide eyes turning towards him. “Oh, let me guess. You didn’t tell Captain America here that you were fucking us to, did you?”

Glen looked you up down as his body froze.

“Please…”

“Give me a fucking break with that pathetic little girl routine. She’s a wild one, Glen. Definitely too much woman for one man.”

“Stop it.”

“Stop what? Telling him the truth? Trust me, bud. The stories we could tell you about her.  Fuck me…”

“Stop.”

“…There were times we didn’t even have to ask. You could just push her into an empty classroom and fuck her tight little pussy till she cried and she would still beg for more…

“Eddie.”

“…Oh and wait until she sucks your cock. She can take it so far down her throat—”

“STOP IT!” You charged at him, screaming and crying as you smacked his chest. “WHY?! Why can’t you just let me be happy!? I hate you! I hate you! I…”

Strong arms held you back and pulled you away from the metalhead as Steve moved to his friend’s side. 

“I hate you both.”

“Come on, Y/N. There we go.”, Glen soothes in a gentle tone as he guides you into his car. He flashes them one last cursory glance before climbing into the driver’s side and speeding away. 

############

You and Glen sit in silence as he turns off his car outside of your house. 

“Is it true?”

Closing your eyes, you heavily exhale before you answer. “Does it matter?”

“Jesus.”, he sarcastically chuckles as he turns his head to glare out the window. “I don’t even know what to say.”

“Nothing to say.”

“It would explain why you’re so protective over them.”

“No. I WAS protective over them because I used to love them…even before we became intimate.”

“Psh was.”

“I don’t love them anymore.”

“Oh yeah? Why don’t you go to the station then and tell Hopper who was really driving that night. Let them experience the consequences of what they did without the safety net of you getting them out of trouble.”

“You don’t understand.”, you whisper.

“You’re right. I don’t.”

“Glen…”, you pause as you try to gather your thoughts. “When I met them, they were both in a bad place even as kids. Eddie had just moved in with his uncle after his dad was arrested. His body was splattered with bruises. It…”, your voice cracked at the memory. “Steve wasn’t at the king status he is now. He hid any chance he could so no one would notice he was crying because his dad had told him he was worthless that morning. I remember our first in-depth conversation he looked at me and asked me why I was even talking to him because he wasn’t someone worth being friends. They needed me. Someone who would listen to them and—”

“Use?”, he interrupted making you sigh again. “Y/N, MAYBE, in the beginning you were exactly what they needed but now…now you’re like another drug to them. You realize that right? They use you whenever they need to feel better, take advantage, and then leave. They aren’t little kids anymore, sweetheart. They are grown men who know what they are doing and they know every time you’re going to bail them out.”

“Thank you for the movie. I’ll see you tomorrow at the party.”, you mumble as you start to open the door, now physically exhausted from this whole evening. 

“Y/N…Maybe we should take a break.”

You laugh under your breath as you get out and slam his car door, stumbling inside of your house as you sit at the base of your stairs and cry. 

***

They watched you from a far as you danced your way back to the punch bowl for the fifth time that evening. You had shown up to the party that Saturday alone and as soon as you walked in you began drinking which was something they would normally do but not you. This was wrong. You couldn��t be like them. You had to be better than they were especially since you were their angel, their saving grace. 

Steve huffed, having enough of the sight before him as he stomped to your side and grabbed your wrist. 

“Y/N, stop. You’ve had enough.”

“Oh, really Steve Harrington? You’re telling me when I’ve had enough?”, you cackle as you yank your arm back and dip the cup into the bowl. Before it can reach your lips, he pulls it from your grasp making you whine. “Jesus fucking Christ. Isn’t this what you always wanted? Me getting wasted with you while the freak gets stoned.”

You continue to drunkenly laugh making them both glare at you. 

“Y/N Y/L/N, I’m warning you.”, he growls as you reach another cup and fill it. 

“What are you going to do, Stevie? Ruin my relationship? Your partner in crime already did that. Accidently almost get me killed? We can check that off. Break my fucking heart…” You raise your glass in their direction. “Done and done.” After chugging back the liquid, you feel your body begin to sway. “Steve…” Suddenly, it feels like your legs no longer work as you fall into his arms. 

Effortlessly, he lifts you up against his chest and carries you out the door. Your mind drifts in and out as things happen around you. You feel quick movement that you assume is a car driving. 

“No! No!”, you grumble as you fight against something holding you. 

“Y/N, calm down. We’re in Eddie’s van. Everything’s ok.”

Your head violently shakes before your eyes get heavy and you feel yourself fading. “Don…don leave…don’t leave me again.”

When your eyes open once more, you’re being carried again and you smell cigarette smoke in the air. You mumble something but your struggling to form words as you feel your body being laid flat on something soft. 

“Hospital?”

“No sweetheart. You’re at my trailer. Just sleep it off, ok?”

“Are they ok?”

“Who, honey?”, the other boy asked.

“Steve and Eddie. Did they…get hurt?”, you start to drunkenly sob. “Please…are they safe?”

“Y/N, go to sleep, baby.”, Eddie soothed as you felt his arm wrap around you and your mind finally shut off as you passed out.

***

“We’re assholes.”

You wake up a few hours later but keep your eyes closed when you hear their gravelly voices on either side of you. 

“What’s your point?”

“Munson, look at her!”, Steve hisses. “She’s never been like this. She’s never been so…angry.”

“Well, what the fuck should we do, Harrington? We love her and she loves us to. I know she does. It’s good that preppy fucker is out of the picture.”

“I don’t like this…”

“Oh? Then tell me, Steve. Why did you let Olivia Samuels suck your cock in the locker room last week? Or make out and fucking grind on that girl you brought to the movies? Why are you still drinking alcohol like its fucking water?!”

“Really, Eddie? You want to lecture me right now? You were the one that always flipped out anytime anyone would even look at her! I’m surprised you even fucking noticed with how many times you’re so fucking high on that blow you pass out wherever your body lands.”

They both become silent but you can feel the heated energy between them. 

“Look…”, the metalhead sighs. “We can do better. We can be what she needs. We just…”

“What do I need?”, you mumble as your eyes finally open. “What do I need, Eddie?”

“You need us to stop idiots, to give up our vices. You need us to love you the way you deserve.”

You shake your head as you sit up and rub your eyes.

“You’ll never understand. I gave up on trying to make you a long time ago. I need to go home.”

As you try to slide of the bed, Steve’s palm grips your arm and pulls you back down. “Explain it to us then.”

“I need you to actually love me.”

“What the fuck are you talking about, Y/N? We do.”

“Flush your stash.” Eddie’s eyes search yours as you glare confidently back at him. “Flush your stash and tell Wayne what you’ve been doing. Let him help you get clean.” You shift your gaze towards Steve. “Throw away the flask in your back pocket and pour out all the booze you have hidden around your room. Come clean about the accident and tell Hopper you need help getting sober.”

Neither boy moves or says anything and you laugh as you slide out of bed searching for your shoes. 

“What does that have to do with loving you? Huh? We can give up all that crap without us having to get in trouble.”

“It’s accountability, Eddie! That’s what I need! I need you to take responsibility for your vices and the damage they fucking caused. You say you love me and I don’t doubt that. I really don’t. But the truth is and always has been, that you love that stuff way more then you ever loved me!”

You feel the tears start to surface but you refuse to let them see as you suffocate them down. 

“Glen was right. I’m just another drug for you two to use and, honestly, you’re like a drug to me but unlike you I’m strong enough to let you go.”

As you reach for the door, a strong hand grabs your arm and shoves you against the wall. 

“Miss high and mighty over here. You want to play that game? You’re weak just like us according to you. ‘I’m strong enough to let you go.’” You cringe as Eddie mimics your tone. “If you’re so fucking strong then follow through, little girl. Say you don’t love us. My offer still stands from the pool. Say you don’t love us anymore and we’ll leave you the fuck alone.”

“Even if I do say it, you won’t. With the way things are now, you two can barely function without me.” You giggle as his eyes darken with anger. “Seriously. For the past 3 months you haven’t notice you have gotten worse? And not just with the booze and drugs. Steve…Olivia told everyone that you came early.” As you laugh harder, you can see them getting angrier but at this point you don’t care. “She said…that’s why she stopped at a blow job because she didn’t think you could make her cum even though you offered. And you Eddie, did you know they have private Hellfire meetings without you? Dustin is their Dungeon master now.”

Steve abruptly comes from the side and throws you over his shoulder as he carries you back to the bedroom kicking and screaming before tossing you back on the mattress. 

“Say it. Say our fucking safe word and I’ll take you home so you can continue sitting up there on your self-righteous pedestal.”, he growls as he straddles his body on top of yours.

“Fuck you!”, you shout as you spit in his face. You push against his hold on you but he’s stronger, keeping you down with one hand as he uses his other to wipe off your saliva. 

“Open. OPEN YOUR MOUTH, Y/N!” When you don’t do as he commands he pinches your cheeks between his fingers forcing your mouth to pout open before spiting between your lips onto your tongue. “Swallow it. We both remember how good you are at swallowing things.”, he snickers. “Eddie, can you help me?”

The metalhead, who had been watching the whole thing unfold thus far, climbed onto his bed so he could unbutton your jeans and pull them down. 

“5 bucks she’s dripping.” Eddie pressed his fingers against the fabric of your panties between your legs. “Oh, yeah. What’s wrong, sweetheart? Fucking boy scout hasn’t been taking care of you?”

“Believe me, he has. He’s made me cum harder than you both ever did. Probably because he was actually fucking coherent.” You wiggled enough to get Steve off of you and push Eddie backwards as you ran into the hallway.  The metalhead was faster, catching your arm, and shoving you against the wall. Holding his palm against your chest, he pinned you against it as he tore off your underwear and sunk down to his knees.

You gasped when his mouth wrapped around your clit as his tongue worked its magic. This is what you needed and they knew that; it was something they were good at. For a while you thought maybe it was the roughness that allowed you to relieve some of the stress you always built up especially when it came to them but after not having them for so long you realized it was so much more than that. You enjoyed the idea of them needing you. Of doing whatever possible in the moment to make you stay and make you theirs. 

Lifting your leg over his shoulder, he pressed his face further into your cunt making you moan as you clung to his hair on the back of his head. 

“Why do you fucking lie to us?”

“Mmm…I don’t.”

“Yes, you do, honey. First you say you don’t love us and then you claim that your boyfriend is better in the sack than we are. Come on, baby.”, Steve coos as he leans on his arm by your side.

“I-I—fuck—I don’t…he is better.” Just as the coil was about to snap, Eddie stopped and abruptly rose to his feet. “No! No, please.” Your hands cupped his face as his fingers took over and he pushed two inside of your entrance, moving them so fast the sound of your arousal filled the hallway. “Please.”

“Don’t lie. Tell us the truth.”

“Why do you get to lie…but…but I can’t!”

“Because you’re better than us.”, Steve answered. “We all know that.”

You whine as he cuts your pleasure short again and as you begin pushing back against them, Eddie holds you still with this shoulder as he straightens his arm and moves his fingers again to build you up. “Please…”

“Say it, Y/N.”

“I’ve—mmm—I’ve never slept with him! We haven’t even done anything besides kiss.”, you cry as your arms circle around his neck. “Please, Eddie. Please.”

“You can cum, sweetheart. That’s it. Use my fingers to cum.” Your hips grinded against his hand as you clung tightly to him. “There you go. Come on, pretty girl. I can feel you squeezing me.” Your body shuttered as you came and his free arm promptly caught you as your knees buckled.  

You crashed your lips to his, humming at that familiar cigarette taste as his tongue grazed your own. Your fight wasn’t as forceful this time as you pushed him to get away. Falling to the floor, Eddie wrestles with you, pushing you onto your stomach, and holding you down with his palm between your shoulder blades as you listen to him unbuckle his belt and jeans. 

“One lie down, one more to go. Tell us you love us, princess.”

“I hate you.”, you grumble into the carpet below you. 

“Did you hear that, Stevie? She fucking hates us!” Your body trembles as he runs the tip of his cock between your folds. “You should tell that to your pussy honey because it’s just sucking me in.”

You both groan as he guides himself fully into you and you force down the tears of happiness that try to push free. They always felt so good inside of you, knowing exactly what you needed and how to get you there. As Eddie thrust into you roughly, you felt fingers brush your hair away from your face and you opened your eyes to meet Steve’s who was lying beside you.

“Say it, baby. We know you do. Why do you keep torturing yourself?”, he murmured as he continued to pet your head. “I mean look at you. How long as it been since anyone made you feel good like this?”

Lost in the feeling of you, Eddie pushed you further into the carpet causing you to squeak and wince as you grabbed your side while the other boy’s hand shot out to grip his friend’s arm.

“Y-Yellow. I’m sorry.”, you cried and the metalhead shook his head as he pulled out and slowly turned you onto your back. 

“No reason to be sorry, sweetheart. You’ve never had any reason to be. Unlike us assholes.”, he softly chuckled as he laid on top of you making sure most of his weight was on his forearms. “Is this ok? Am I hurting you?”

Wrapping your hand around the back of his neck, you tug his lips to your own. Reaching between your bodies, you grip his cock and guide it back into your core. 

“I love you.”, you whisper as his glassy eyes quickly scan over your face trying to get a read on you. “I love you, Eddie Munson, so much.”

His head fell beside yours as he thrust his hips into you, panting into your neck as your nails ran down his back and into his hair. 

“I love you to, Y/N. I’m sorry, princess. I’m so fucking sorry for everything. For—fuck—for what I said at the theater. For yelling at you and being jealous all the time. Oh my god… For leaving you there that night.” You mewled as he pumped into you harder, his cock repeatedly hitting that spot inside you that had you suffocating the screams of pleasure that wanted to escape. 

“It was my idea, Y/N. I told him we should leave. I-I told him you’d be fine. I’m so sorry.”

You barely heard him as your legs wrapped around his waist. It was all things you had heard before and he still wasn’t mentioning what you really needed from him, what you had mentioned before about flushing his stash. He wasn’t even acknowledging that the drugs were part of why he did the things he did. 

“I know, baby. Make me cum, Eddie, please.”

Pushing up on his hands, his hair tickled your face as he picked up his pace, groaning as his eyes squeezed shut. 

“Say it again, sweetheart, please. Tell me that you love me.”

As you closed your eyes, flashes of the boy you met all those years ago passed through your mind. The boy who made you laugh, who wrote songs for you to strum on his uncle’s guitar which was a bit too big across his chest. The man who took you to concerts and danced with you in the aisle at the movie theater as you waited for it to start. 

“I love you, Eddie.”

Arching your back, your hands gripped his forearms as you came. The metalhead grunted at the feeling as you tightened around him, slamming into you till you felt him warm your insides with his release. 

Collapsing to the side of you, he tried to catch his breath as you turned to find Steve starring at you with those beautiful but needy eyes.

“I love you to, Steve Harrington.” 

He exhaled heavily in relief as he delicately slid you closer to him and placed his lips on yours. It didn’t take long for his kisses to become passionate and he spun you on to your side till your back was against his chest. He fumbled with his belt and pants before pushing them down as much as he could, lifting up your leg by your thigh, and guiding himself into your entrance. 

His heavy breathing filled you ear as you lean back into his warm chest reminding you of the boy who held you close to him while you three would swim in the lake. The boy who pretended not to be scared by horror movies but always jumped and pulled you closer after any scary scene. The man who showed up with flowers randomly because he said he was just thinking about you and wanted to get you something nice. 

“I love you, baby. I’m…I’m sorry to. I shouldn’t have left you and we shouldn’t have stayed away. I’m a fucking coward, honey.” Your arm looped around his neck as you kissed his lips. “I don’t know what we would have done if we lost you, Y/N.”

“You did.” His rhythm slowed as he looked down at your face. “You haven’t had me for months. Did things better?”

Steve’s jaw tightened as he wrapped his arms tightly around yours and began pumping into you slow and deep making you groan. 

“Things will get better, Y/N. I promise. I don’t care what I have to do. Fuck my dad, fuck these people, fuck this town!”

Eddie’s worried eyes met his as your face scrunched and your nails dug into his skin. 

“Am I hur—”

“No. No. Harder, Steve. Please.”

The sound of skin slapping skin echoed through the trailer as he did what you asked. 

“Is that what you need, baby girl? Fuck…I’ll give you anything.”

As his fingers reached down to play with your clit, his other hand gripped your throat as you tilted back moaning his name as you came. His own face scrunched in pleasure as his mouth fell open and with a few more rough thrusts came inside of you as well. 

You laid on your back staring at the ceiling as you tried to control the urge to cry. There was a part of you that wished you could back to before the accident when you were still slightly ignorant to their behavior. When they would scoop you up and give you a bath, curl up with you in bed, and talk about different things. 

That was always just an illusion though and it was now completely shattered. Eddie lifted off your shirt as Steve carried you to the shower, turning it on for you, and held your hand as you stepped inside. As he sat on the counter, from behind the shower curtain, you heard his heavy sigh before the quiet clinking of his flask pushed through the silence. 

When you stepped out, he softly smiled and handed you a towel as he led you back to Eddie’s room. The boy quickly wiped his nose before grinning in your direction and handed you his clothes you used to sleep in but his smile faltered when you hesitated. 

“I’m sorry. I just assumed you would sleep here like you used to.”

It was your turn to smile but it didn’t stop the tears that began to flow. They reached for your hands and pulled you between them, whispering promises they could never deliver as the comforted you. 

###########

[writing-until-i-drop]

Wildflowers For A Hangman Ch. 6

Summary:

Daisy, a career novelist, moves in with her college best friend Phoenix who has been permanently assigned to Top Gun with Dagger Squad. She finds herself instantly connected with a cocky pilot who's soft only for her and Jake can't help but want to know everything about her. When the past comes knocking at both of their doors, will they stand together or fall apart?

Or: The Dagger Squad can't cook and Jake falls in love with a woman who makes a mean lasagna while they work their personal trauma.

Jake "Hangman" Seresin x writer!femOC | 18+ (eventually) minors dni. Fluff, smut (eventual), idiots in love, past trauma.

A/N: Natasha and Daisy help Amelia bake for her soccer team's bake sale. A man decides to tell the truth.

AO3 Link

Previous Chapter

Amelia’s playlist was full of Harry Styles, Halsey, and Girl In Red, blasting at top volume which had turned baking into more of a dance party. Natasha was spinning me around the kitchen while Amelia snapped a dozen pictures of us, laughing when Natasha dipped me.

“I need to get the brownies!” I laughed, slipping away from Natasha when she tried to dip me again. The counter was filled with cookies, blondies, and lemon bars that Natasha was in charge of packing neatly into cellophane bags with soccer balls printed on them. The toothpick came out clean so I swapped in a fresh tray of brownies, setting the timer. “When is your coach coming over to collect things?” 

“Kate’s stopping for coffee, do you guys want anything?” Natasha and I readily agreed, rattling off our usual orders. “Really, Phoenix, black?” 

“It’s hard to fu-fudge up,” She corrected herself mid sentence, earning a double eye roll.

“Smooth,” Amelia hopped up on one of the only clean spots on the counter. “I’m fifteen, not five, you can curse in front of me.” I gave Natasha an absolutely not look. “You should come to our first game, it’s sometime next month.” 

“We’d be happy to, Ames.” I passed her a cookie for “inspection”  and then another to Natasha. “What are your school colors? We’ll dress up,”

“Red and white, just don’t be embarrassing like Mav is.” 

“I’m betting he yells the loudest, doesn’t he?” Natasha asked, reaching for a second cookie. I smacked her hand away,

“He literally got thrown out for arguing with a ref, not once, but twice! Can you believe it?” From the stories I had heard about Maverick, it did not surprise me in the least that he had issues with authority, even at a high school soccer match. By the time the front door opened, almost all of the baked goods were bagged and ready to go.

“I’m here, you little monster and I brought more than coffee!” A woman’s raspy voice called out, the door slamming shut followed by three sets of footsteps. Coach Kate was not what I was expecting, a short woman with long, dark hair in cut off shorts and a crop top, her tanned skin covered in tattoos. She looked my age or even a little younger, carrying a cardboard drink carrier. “Hey, y’all must be Phoenix and D. I’m Kate,” The two girls behind her looked exactly like her but even the quick math was not mathing with how old the girls were but I didn’t dwell on it as she handed me my iced macchiato. 

“I’m Daisy, thanks for the coffee, Kate.” 

“Yeah, thanks! Do you want a cookie?” Natasha offered her up our rejects pile, cookies that she and Amelia had accidentally broken throughout the morning. Kate snatched one of the snickerdoodles, 

“Thanks. Girls, why don’t you go practice drills while the adults talk.” 

“Alcohol’s in the pantry!” Amelia shouted, hurrying out of the back door with her friends. Natasha and Kate were on the same wavelength, heading straight for the pantry.

“There’s tequila!” 

“Daisy, you’re a girl after my own heart if you love tequila,” Kate announced with a laugh, “Sometimes José is the only thing that helps after a day with the girls.” 

“Are they your nieces?” I asked, pulling the final pan of brownies out of the oven, testing them with a toothpick.

“My sisters but I have full custody,” Kate explained, pouring three shots, “The oldest is Bryley and the youngest is Mariah, they’re sixteen and fifteen.” 

“They seem like good kids,” Natasha noted, glancing out of the window. Amelia, Bryley, and Mariah were taking turns juggling a soccer ball. “But damn, two teenagers at what, thirty? That’s got to be a lot.” Kate shrugged, lining up three more shots.

“I mean, yeah, it’s fucking awful but they’re also amazing. They’re less like my sisters at this point and more like my kids.” I looked out at the yard, watching the girls laugh and play. Did I want kids? I never had before, not even when Harvey talked about how much he loved his girls, something my therapist had hinted at was connected with the trauma of losing my parents. Which, duh. But the idea was starting to sound more appealing the more I tossed it back and forth in my head. My phone buzzed as Kate pushed another shot towards me.

Jake: How’s it going?

Daisy: Ames’ coach dropped by and now I’ve done like 4 shots in ten minutes

Jake: Tequila?

Daisy: Tequila. 

Jake: Phoenix drinking too?

“Tell Jake to leave you alone, it’s girl time!” Natasha protested, easily grabbing my phone from my hands. 

“You don’t know it was him,” I grumbled, thanking my lucky stars that I had managed to hit the lock button. Kate looked between the two of us, one perfectly shaped brow arched.

“Who’s Jake?” 

“Her boyfriend,”

“He’s not my boyfriend.”

“He wants to be your boyfriend and you want to be his girlfriend, you’re just ignoring the situation because it stresses you out.” I flipped her off, not knowing what to say to that. Kate, bless her, passed me another shot. 

“And this is exactly why I don’t date, well, that and the two gremlins I’m raising.” And that was exactly why I didn’t date often either, minus the raising two gremlins part. Being single was simple, all I ever had to do was worry about myself, my friends, and my family. But Jake had just slipped himself so easily into my life that it didn’t feel like the inconvenience of my prior relationships, where I had to bend and compromise to reach an agreement on everything. He was simply there, holding my hand, kissing my hair, sending Natasha home with bags of M&Ms for me at least once a week, and constantly checking in with me over the phone. 

“Give me my phone, Tasha,” I held out my hand, “Or I’m telling the daggers about spring break in Miami.” Natasha practically threw the phone at me, Kate’s boisterous laughter filling the kitchen.

“You guys are a riot but I should probably head out, the team mom wants me to drop off all the bake sale stuff soon.” The three of us got the car packed and thankfully, Bryley had her license and dutifully took the keys from Kate. My head was buzzing from the tequila as we cleaned the kitchen, listening and dancing to Amelia’s music. We were halfway through cleanup when I remembered Jake’s texts.

Jake: ?

Jake: Sweetheart, are you drunk at 11am?

Jake: Do you need me and Javy to come and get y’all?

Daisy: Sorry! Got distracted, yeah we’re drunk but don’t worry. Tasha ordered pizza and we’re going to hang out for a few more hours

X

The metal of the cuffs cut into my wrists as my lawyer droned on and on about how we were out of appeals and that the state had set a date for my execution. I had a month left to live. Somebody had better warn the devil I was coming. 

“Mr. Lance, do you understand what I’m saying?” I hadn’t been listening but I nodded, adjusting in the cold metal chair. “Unless you have something else to offer, the Governor will not be extending a stay of execution.” 

“I’ve got something to offer,” Those FBI bastards would be mad as hell and so would the rest of the soft, sad world when they heard the news. “How does a full confession sound?” My lawyer, a public defender in a cheap suit sighed, rubbing at his wrinkled brow.

“Mr. Lance, you’ve already been found guilty of ten counts of murder.” Ten, that was a rookie number and I was anything but a rookie. I laughed,

“And what would happen if I confessed to more?” 

“Well, they’d have to investigate your claims and if they found them credible, then they would put you on trial.” And with all the information I had to give, I’d be on trial for the next decade.

“Call the FBI and tell them I’ll confess to twenty-one more murders,” The man went white as a sheet and I half expected him to puke on the table, “But I’ve got conditions.” 

Next Chapter

Taglist: @dizzybee03 @littlezee80 @cinderellasmissingshoes @carolina-on-my-mind03

[reidslovely]

If Your Love is in Trouble (Part Two)

"Now I'm constantly reminded of the time I was nineteen" Halsey, 100 Letters

Playlist Here

Part One Here

Pairing: Peter Parker x Fem! Reader x Harry Osborn

Content Warning: Safe chapter, no warnings that I can think of. Harry Osborn doing Harry Osborn activities.

Please reblog and throw in a comment if you'd like!

Peter stood stuck in place, hands curling into nervous fists in his pockets before loosening and fighting their way out. He rubbed his palms against his jeans, wiping the sweat from them as he stared at the tall figure in front of him. (Y/N) held onto him, the two swaying their embrace. 

“Not excited to see me Petey?” Harry’s voice teased as he wrapped an arm around (Y/N) as she stepped out from their embrace. 

“Just a bit in shock, last time I saw you- you were still having your man servants blow dry your hair in the morning.” 

Harry chuckled, stepping out from their girl. Approaching him with shaking hands, Peter smiled and fell into the draw of Harry’s presence. He’s always had that effect on him. 

“Yeah well, you and red over here were still getting your braces locked together last time I saw you. But now you have perfect teeth.” He teased, his hand clapping on his friend's shoulder. Eyes glancing over his face, both more mature now. Harry finally grew into his facial features, his jawline was sharp, dimples flashing as he smiled. Pete always thought Harry was the better looking one between the two of them. “Now there’s nothing distracting from your unibrow.”

“Shut up.” The brunette cackled, letting his hand linger thinking about his next move. 

Peter wrapped his arms around Harry pulling him in for a hug. The two fall into a warm embrace like they used to. Harry’s head resting on his friend's shoulder, Peter’s chin tucked into Harry’s neck. For a moment Harry never left. 

“I’m sorry about your dad, Har.”

Harry pulled back, his clutch on Peter’s jacket never loosened. “Hey, it’s alright. Long time coming and all y’know.” 

Harry spoke dismissively, shaking his head. (Y/N) walked up to the two confused, looking at Harry. “I thought you said everything was fine? Is this why you came home?”

 Peter reached his hand out grabbing her shoulder, his thumb rubbing slightly. It was just like Harry to keep his pain and business to himself. Harry shrugged hands in the pockets of his slacks. 

“I didn’t want you to worry, besides, not like he and I were ever best friends. Feels more like losing a distant uncle than a…a dad.”

Peter nodded his other hand reaching out to grab Harry’s shoulder. “We’re here for you man. Really, you name it.” 

Harry smiled, his hands grabbing Peter’s forearm as he laughed. “Well honestly I’m starving, maybe you guys…wanna go for lunch?” Harry offered up, Peter thought on it shrugging his shoulders. (Y/N) shook her head, pointing at the upstairs window mumbling about an assignment she had due soon. Peter’s eyes flashed towards Harry quickly thinking on what they should do next.

“Well we can do it the old fashion way.” 

Harry smirked, turning back towards her door. Peter wrapped his arm around (Y/N) as they walked. “Where is that old…ah ha!” Harry felt around the doorframe grabbing a colorful spare key off the top. 

“Aren’t you supposed to change the hiding spot every six weeks?”

“Tell my dad not me.” (Y/N) laughed as she pushed past the two of them dropping her bag on the chair by the door. Peter was the last one to step in looking around the house he hadn’t stepped foot into in what felt like eternity. Still feeling like home. Snapping out of his daze he felt Harry bump his shoulder grabbing his attention. 

“So are you still two locking braces again? I didn’t like it the first time I had to pull you two apart and..” 

“No no.” Peter laughed. “It’s complicated. It’s a long story..”

“Oh I know.” Harry kicked his feet up on the coffee table, turning the tv on. Peter tilted his head at Harry. He knew? What did he mean by that exactly? Peter’s eyes drifted from Harry to (Y/N) standing in the kitchen making them all a snack tray. Suddenly everything was falling into place, and the low vibration still hung in the back of Peter’s skull but there was no danger around. He thought maybe he was dehydrated, he rubbed the back of his head sighing. 

“When did you two..? Start talking again?”

Harry sucked in a breath, biting down on his cheek as he stared at the brunette. There was a slight feeling of betrayal that pinged in Peter’s heart, but he couldn’t be mad; he's the one who’d left her with no one. Harry slumped his shoulders and let his eyes drift to the ground. 

“She called me crying one night about a year ago. Told me that she just felt really lonely and..she hated reaching out to me but she didn’t know who else to call. I asked where you were cause, fuck, the way she was crying had me thinking you fucking died and I was panicked. Told me that you and her had this..issue come up and you weren’t friends anymore.” Harry sighed, laying his hands out in defeat. 

“You couldn’t even say I love you? Come on Pete, you’re better than that.” 

He really wasn’t. They both knew that. Both knew that Peter had been in love with (Y/N) since seventh grade, so why say it? Why couldn’t she just accept what it was? Accept that for the moment he chose Gwen because she was who he needed..needed? Peter shook off the thought, raising his shoulders with a laugh. 

“I’ve had it rough the last couple years, I didn't wanna bother her with that. I’m no good for her.” 

As Harry opened his mouth to talk, the subject of the matter walked in with a snack tray in hand. She looked between the two as she sat the platter out on the coffee table, feeling the tension. Peter cleared his throat and sat in the yellow loveseat opposite from the couch. It was always his favorite spot in her house. They always took naps in it together after school, (Y/N) nested into his side arms around her his head in her hair. He should have told her he loved her then. (Y/N) grabbed her bag and settled next to Harry on the couch pulling out her laptop as Harry flipped through the channels, their legs touching as they relaxed. Had he’d been replaced? Was that fair? 

“So Harry you got a girl, you still fucking that supermodel?” 

Did that sound too bitter? To blunt?

Harry shook his head, his leg nudging (Y/N)’s playfully. “No dude..that whole supermodel thing is exhausting.” 

Harry grabbed onto (Y/N)’s leg pulling her legs into his lap letting her stretch out as she types away on her laptop, laughing with them. Peter took a shaky breath seeing the two entangled. Harry meant no harm, he was always handsy with her, they both were. It was different now, they were adults with different intentions. Jealousy washed in and out of Peter like an angry wave at high tide. Maybe he was too bitter, he needed to lighten up- Harry was home and that’s what mattered. 

“Oh I know.” Peter rolled his eyes playfully as he laughed dramatically. 

“No, no I’m not seeing anyone right now. Only girl I care about seeing is red over here.” Harry smiled. “Why do you ask? You wanna kiss me Pete?”

(Y/N) giggled, shaking her head. “Can you two make out somewhere else please?” 

“Oh I’ll take him to the laundry room, don’t worry about it.” Peter joked, flashing (Y/N) a knowing look. Her eyes widened slightly before dropping back to the computer screen. Harry tilted his head smiling slightly, flashing them both a confused look. 

“Do I even want to know? Scratch that, no I don’t.” Harry chuckled, his hand rubbing up and down (Y/N)’s leg eyes glued to the TV. 

“Let’s just say after my eighteen birthday party Peter wasn’t allowed at my house unsupervised for a month.” 

“God I missed so much..I missed you guys.” Harry laughed, head leaning back against the couch cushion. Peter nodded, kicking his foot out to hit his friend's knee. 

“Don’t sulk, you're back now. That’s what matters.” Peter says, pointing a finger at him. “And you’re not going anywhere.” Peter jumped at his phone vibrating in his pocket, Gwen’s name and contact photo popping up, suddenly he was jumping up. The two on the couch looking at him confused and slightly panicked. 

“I gotta go..I..I’ll text you guys later.” Peter clapped a hand on Harrys, nodding and out of muscle memory he kissed the top of (Y/N)’s head. He took a step back shaking his head staring at her. “Sorry, sorry. I gotta go..” Peter ran towards the door. 

“Hey! Before you go I’m having a party tonight kind of a welcome home thing. You better come!” Harry yelled from his spot on the couch. 

“Yeah, yeah! ‘Course, see you then!” Peter yelled back, shutting the door behind him. 

“He does that a lot now huh?” Harry asked as the silence lingered. (Y/N) nodded her head, giving her shoulders a shrug looking over her computer screen at him. There was only ever one person besides her that Peter would drop everything for. 

“Gwen called and of course he ran out.”

“Gwen..? Fucking Gwen Stacy?”

Harry sounded shocked, like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. 

“Yeah they started dating but not really at the start of senior year, took a break then got really serious around January after her dad died. It was a whole thing..” (Y/N) shrugged. “They broke up though, like right after graduation and then Pete became a hermit. Today is the first time I've seen him in months..I don’t know if the whole timeline is messy and fuzzy.” (Y/N) laughed, turning her attention back to the laptop. 

“Sounds fuzzy..and you and him were still a thing when he was with Gwen?” 

“It was complicated, they were hanging out. Peter and I were never a ‘thing’ , we were friends who kissed sometimes..okay, a lot of times. Doesn’t matter, and yes Gwen was fine with it but they became official after I..”

“Professed your dying love? Yikes.” 

“Hey, it’s whatever.” (Y/N) sighs, kicking Harry in the thigh. “Peter just wanted to be my friend, and then he didn’t even want to be that. Who can blame him? I fucked that up so badly.” 

“I’d want to be your friend after you professed your dying love for me, fuck I’d confess it back.” 

(Y/N) stopped typing, her fingers hanging over the keyboard staring at Harry confused. Harry laughed and stared back. “If I was the one in love with you of course.” He says awkwardly. She only nodded in response, squinting her eyes at him slightly suddenly extremely aware of his hand on her thigh. 

“Maybe you are and it’s just deeply repressed. That childhood admiration, love, or whatever.” 

“Yeah..” There was a sweetness in Harry’s usual brooding voice as he spoke. He slowly closed her laptop. “Maybe. Who knows.” He says sliding the laptop onto the coffee table, inching slightly closer. (Y/N) swallowed hard, she hadn’t realized how blue his eyes were..were they always that blue? She smiled slightly at the pink tint on his cheek. 

“Can I kiss you?” 

It was a whisper that she almost didn’t catch, but she had and it hung in the air around them. Warming them both in the comfort they craved from those around them. 

“Harry..” She whispered back, struggling to find an answer. Her eyes glancing at the door waiting for Peter to bust through the door and throw a fit like he had when he found her and Garret Leads kissing at Gwen's birthday party. 

“Yeah..yes. I’d like that.” 

She wasn’t sure what compelled her to say yes. Maybe it was the need to feel his comfort for the first time in years. Maybe she had some repressed feelings herself. She didn’t have time to come up with an answer because before she knew it his lips were on hers, his hand cupping her cheeks. His lips moving softly against hers, taking their time. He pulled back smiling slightly, his thumb stroking a small beauty mark on her cheek as he looked at her. She started to lean back in before the door opened back up, the two jumping apart from one another like startled teenagers. 

“Little Osborn! Long time no see.” (Y/N)’s mom smiled as she walked into the living room. “How have you been?” 

“Good! Good, great.” He laughed it off smiling at her mom. (Y/N) held back a laugh, her face feeling extremely warm. Her mother nodded at them before heading up stairs. “Have fun you two! Oh and tell Peter Harry is back!”

“He knows!” (Y/N) yells back up the stairs at her mom. Harry drops his head in his hands laughing, (Y/N) hiding her face in the cushions. 

“I..I can’t believe you still live with your parents. Pete, yeah. But you! Shocking”

(Y/N) playfully rolled her eyes. “Not everyone can inherit a gorgeous penthouse in this economy Ozzy.” The nickname slips back into her vocabulary like it was meant to be there. 

“Right. Well, I have to go to my gorgeous penthouse and get ready for tonight.” Harry says. “And eat some real food, the snacks were nice though. Thank you.” He smiles, standing over her as she still lounges on the couch. 

“Yeah, course anytime.” She says looking up at him. He smiled as he leaned down to her face. She smiles back, eyes looking between his lips and eyes. Harry sighed softly, breath fanning her face as he pursed his lips to her cheek, letting them rest there before pulling away. 

“See you tonight.” 

“Yeah, tonight.” She confirmed, her hand holding the spot on her cheek as Harry disappeared out of the threshold and towards the front door. 

Oh god. She thought, grabbing her laptop and opening it back up. What has she done to herself? 

Taglist: @someblessedmonster @juhdoche @nososhortbee @moonyslove78 @helloheyhihowdyheya @sincericida @tarzinnia @a-lumos-in-the-nox @adhdhufflepuff @messymissy @hollandweather @toomanyfictionalboyfriends @eevylynn @ateliefloredeprimavera

[katnisspeetaprim]

Pushing Your Luck

Min Yoongi/Fem!Reader (Requests still open!)

Summary: Min Yoongi was definately pushing his luck with his performance on stage that night...

Warnings: Swearing, being horny, established relationship, mentions of sex

Word Count: 804 M.list

Yoongi had been pushing his luck with you this evening. The way he’s been aggressively growling into the mic has really done something to your insides.

Most of it wasn’t even because it was incredibly sexy, but that is a big reason let’s face it. A lot of it is because he’s showing just how passionate his is about performing. If he didn’t have any passion, why would he put that much effort in?

This is one of the reasons you loved watching him perform. You were backstage of his L.A show, currently watching him perform with Halsey, who has become a good friend to the both of you in recent years.

You applauded loudly as Halsey waved and walked off stage. She laughed at your enthusiasm and hugged you.

‘That was incredible! I’m so happy you could be here tonight!’

‘Thank you! Though I don’t know why he needed me. I’m sure you’re more than capable of singing with him.’ Halsey laughed out as you pulled away. You scrunched up your face at her words.

‘As if I’d go anywhere near that stage!’ You both laughed. You weren’t famous, and you did everything you could to stay out of the spotlight, though that was pretty much impossible when you were with Yoongi. Halsey shook her head at your response. She had heard you sing on some rough demo’s Yoongi had made, and she knew with a bit of training you could be amazing. Maybe she could help you with your confidence in the future.

The sounds of Yoongi’s voice pulled you back to reality. There was that gravely voice again that you oh so loved. Your face darkened as you listened, biting your lip unconsciously. He was definitely going to get it later.  

‘Hey! What’s that look for!?’ Halsey slapped your shoulder. ‘Stop getting turned on back here!’ Your cheeks flushed red and embarrassment started to creep up when you saw some of the stage crew glance in your direction at Halsey’s outburst. You hid your face in your hands.

‘Oh my God! Is it that obvious?’ She laughed at your misery and hugged you from the side.

‘I think I know what you two are gonna get up to tonight.’ She winked at you with a smirk.

‘Stop!’

You had retreated back to Yoongi’s dressing room just before the end of the show. Halsey couldn’t stick around unfortunately, but that did mean that you and Yoongi could be alone together a little sooner than planned.

As soon as he was through the door you pounced, lips on his immediately. Yoongi stumbled back against the door. Even though he was caught of guard, he still managed to circle his arms round your waist to steady you.

‘What’s gotten into you?’

‘I think you know what.’ You growled out, running your hands down his sweaty body. He leaned his head back against the door, wide smile as silent laughter fell from his mouth.

‘I always perform like that!’

‘That’s a damn lie! You pushed it tonight , Min Yoongi!’ You didn’t give him the chance to retort, just once again captured his lips in a rough kiss. His hands came to rest on your hips, and you trailed your hands down to roughly palm him through his trousers.

Yoongi hissed out at the contact, grabbing onto your wrist immediately.

‘We can’t do that here...’

‘Says who?’ You smirked against his lips. He sighed out as you continued to palm him, his grip on your wrist faltering slightly.

‘Fuck. We need to get back to the hotel.’ It took all his will power to push past you to gather his things. You watched on with a triumphant smirk. When he had everything in his bag, he came back over and took you in his arms, resting his forehead against yours before kissing you.

‘If I sing like that again tomorrow, will I get sex then too?’ He smiled against your skin. You leaned back, pretending to think it over, knowing full well you would give him sex even if he gave the worst performance of his career.

‘Let’s see how you perform in bed tonight, then we’ll see.’

‘Is that a challenge?’ His eyes darkened slightly.

‘You tell me.’ You smirked again before pecking his lips and turning to walk out of the room. He stared after you in disbelief, shaking his head as he adjusted his still hard cock to make it less noticeable, before following after you.

‘Just you wait and see jagi.’ As he was leaving the room, his phone pinged. Yoongi smiled when he saw Halsey had text him. Maybe she wanted to congratulate him on a good show? Nope.

Halsey:

Hey! Make sure you show your girl a good time tonight! She was basically feral for you! ;)

[ageless-aislynn]

Aislynn's Jumble of Random Thinky Thoughts on Halo s2 ep4 "Reach"

SPOILERS, but of course

Cpt Admiral Keyes went out like a total badass. I really do hate to lose him but I'm glad he got a better send-off than he did in the game (Halo: Combat Evolved). Seeing him with a pipe was an awesome little callback to the game, IMO. (Though smoking is bad; don't smoke, kids! 👎😬😉)

The fact that The Powers That Be took Silver Team's Mjolnir with them as they ran like cowards evacuated but abandoned actual Silver Team is the most realistic bureaucratic part of the episode. 🙄

I suspected Louis wasn't going to survive but him losing Danilo and then choosing to make that stand immediately after was both heartbreaking but bittersweet: he couldn't live without his beloved and his sacrifice gave John and Riz a chance to escape but also ensured that he didn't have to live long without his beloved. 💔

My Halo vehicle fangirling was cranked up to 117% 😇 here, with me pausing the show to yell, "WRAITH, IT'S A WRAITH! I love hijacking those things!!!" and then "SCORPION! A SCORPION TANK! Aw, man, I do BUSINESS when I have a Scorpion!" *wistful, lovestruck sigh* 💖 Please imagine my dad's 🤔⁉️ face during all of that, lol! 😇

John, my beloved, and Scorpion tank, my beloved... 😍🤷‍♀️😇😉

I was legit upset that Kai was gone the entire ep, not just 'cause I wanted to see her, of course, but because it seems an awful lot like she abandoned her team and that just doesn't seem like her at all. I know last ep she was very torn and upset about John and not really believing what he was saying, but also not wanting to narc him out, either. When she finds out what happened to Vannak, I think she'll blame herself for not being there and, honestly? I think she should. (Same as she should feel bad about not believing John, evidence to the contrary.) Not saying she could've prevented any of the bad stuff, of course, but she wasn't there when Silver Team desperately needed her and if they don't have her feel guilt over that, then that's really going to be OOC for her, IMO. 😔

And then of course, the "two" of the "one-two punch" from this ep... Vannak, nooooooooo! I was completely not expecting to lose him here but I really should have, considering we're straight up doing a version of Reach's game storyline and, as we all know, Noble Team didn't make it out of the game alive (other than Jun).

And yet still... Vannak! Not when he's just learned to love animal documentaries and feeding the birds! The big guy had so much more living to do!!! 😭😭😭 I'm going to really miss him and I'm going to completely ignore his death in any fanfic I ever again write, I'm just saying. 🤷‍♀️😉

Are we feeling like Soren will be getting a place on Silver Team, at least temporarily?

Okay, so I was a little surprised but in a good way over how hard everything about Keyes hit Halsey. She was genuinely kinda tongue-tied at seeing him, then her absolutely screaming at his death and her sobbing... I wasn't expecting that sort of reaction. She really did love him and I wouldn't have thought that before this episode.

I feel vaguely like John's ex just kidnapped his current girlfriend, lol. Also, I keep staring at Makee, thinking, "Is her hair a different blonde? Is she dying her eyebrows or something?" more than anything else so I really need to get over that, lol! Annnnnd I could kinda ship her with her Arbiter but nobody should be surprised at that 'cause I can ship a character with a mop that has a wig and googly eyes on it if the chemistry feels right to me...

I could also see not-Thel!Arbiter as being a suuuuper jealous boyfriend trying to prove he's better than Makee's ex... *shipper glasses, I has 'em at all times!* 😜😉

Since Makee didn't let her Arbiter (whose name is escaping me at the moment) go ahead and kill John, one wonders if it was because she does still have feelings for him or if she just needs him for some later nefarious purpose. And why does she need Cortana? I'm still wondering if we're going to get some sort of "evil" Cortana ala Halo 5 since her new look reminds me a lot more of her Halo 5 look.

This is a still, not GIF, from Halo s2 Cortana's new look, so you don't wonder why it's not moving. 😉

Halo 5 "evil" Cortana.

And you can see s1 Cortana in the GIF right above all of this.

Annnnd my favorite version of Cortana...

Halo 4 Cortana, whom I imprinted on as my very first Cortana, so this is her definitive look to me, what can I say? 🤷‍♀️😉

And bringing things back to the episode once more, I also had a game fangirling moment when John yelled, "Frag out!" as he lobbed the grenade. My dad soon learned that the marines tend to yell that as they're lobbing frag grenades in the various games, too! 😎

Ooo, and almost forgot John's absolute panic eyes when Keyes called him forward during his inspirational speech, lol. Poor Chief, d'aww! But that was a really great moment to show people that Master Chief isn't a robot, he's a flesh and blood person, and I think that was used to great effect in this moment. 💖

In summary, this episode had me

💖

[iamnotawomanimagod]

My favorite Halsey performances:

Without Me on SNL

A gorgeous, stripped version of "Without Me," the likes of which have never been seen again.

The absolutely vulnerable and breathtaking choice to display her ex's confession about cheating on her as the set design, and only revealing it about halfway through the song.

They look incredible, I love this hair color on them, and the outfit, and the little sparkles on their face.

Without Me on the Billboard Music Awards

Jade Chenowyth is my all-time favorite dancer, so seeing her perform with Halsey was a dream come true. This isn't actually my favorite of their two performances of this song, but the one that was on So You Think You Can Dance has been scrubbed from the internet.

The way Jade looks at Halsey around 1:45 - Jade is such an emotive performer, and you can tell she's really feeling it.

Halsey/Jade dance break, made more sexual and overt after the backlash to the SYTYCD performance.

Eastside on SNL

It's so fun to watch Halsey paint, and I don't think anyone in the audience or watching at home was expecting this. She's painting upside down!!! While singing!!!

She looks super, duper cute in this outfit.

I could honestly list about ten other performances, at least, because Halsey's stage presence and ability to perform is top-notch. It's one of my favorite things about them.

I also could've just linked the fan-recorded footage of my show in 2022, but that felt like cheating. NOTHING beats seeing Halsey live and in-person, though.

[clumsy-jiminie]

ɪɴᴇᴠɪᴛᴀʙʟʏ ʏᴏᴜʀꜱ | ᴘᴊᴍ | ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ɴɪɴᴇ

❝ ʀᴇꜱᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ʀᴇʟᴀxᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ❞

↣ summary :: Kiara Smith had dreamed of true love for as long as she could remember. from being obsessed with the Disney princesses who found affection in the strangest situations to dressing up as a bride from kindergarten to fourth grade. it was the only thing she ever truly desired, so much so that a pleasant smile and kind eyes could have her smitten in seconds. right when she thought she found the one, a chance encounter with Park Jimin—the city’s famously perfect fuck boy with a smile so warm and a heart of ice—has her feeling quite the opposite. he knocks her off her axis and derails her life as she knows it, yet the universe seems to have another plan for the two.

↣ rating :: 18+

↣ genre :: fluff, angst, smut, e2l, slow burn

↣ pairing :: business owner!jimin x fem!artist!oc ft. taehyung

↣ word count :: 5.5k

↣ chapter warnings :: mature language, implied sexual encounter

↣ notes :: a day in the life of our beloved jimin. I was really excited to write this chapter just bc I love how jimin is. there's so much I have planned for his character.

↣ next :: previous :: series m.list ↢

if you have any questions, comments, or concerns PLEASE don't hesitate to message me or send me an ask! my inbox is always open. 💖

"you know I'd be lying saying you're the one that could finally fix me, looking at my history, I'm bad at love."

- bad at love, halsey -

"You sure I can do this?" The dark-haired man asked, chewing on his plump lower lip as he stared at his white ceiling. The nervous habit often left his lips swollen and bruised, but he couldn't stop. It was better than chewing his nail beds raw.

The woman beside him scoffed obnoxiously, rustling the bed as she switched sides to face him. She looked at the man, worried etched into his beautiful features, stealing the place of his usual bubbly self.

"Are you kidding, Jimin?" She gazed at him, the same look of love swimming in her pools of chocolate as his. "Of course you can." She reached out to him, placing her delicate hand on his cheek. He turned to look at her. Her simple touch made his shoulders relax in an instant. "I have believed in you since the idea first fell from your lips."

He couldn't help but stare at her. Her words sunk into him, swelling his heart until there was no more room for worry. The gentle light of early dawn illuminated her pale pink skin, casting a soft halo around her. She was an angel—his angel—placed on earth to find him and bring warmth into his cold life. If every mistake he made led him to this point, he'd make them all over again. 

He smiled, hoping to burn this moment into his memory of how she looked, how soft she felt, how sweet her voice was. He placed his hand on top of hers; feeling the stark difference between her soft hands and the diamond ring occupying her left finger. "I love you."

"I know," she leaned in and pressed a kiss to his lips. It was quick and sweet but made his heart soar nonetheless.

"So what should I name it?"

She rolled onto her back as they both stared up at the ceiling. "Hm, well," she paused, pursing her lips in thought. "Whenever you dance, it's captivating. It's a topic, a discussion. Art, but moving."

Jimin's brows furrowed as he pondered on her words. "Like in motion?"

"Yes!" She squealed. "That's it!"

"So, Art in Motion…." The name sounded foreign on his tongue, scrunching his nose as he said the last vowel.

"Mhm, Art in Motion." She grinned.

But for some reason, it sounded exquisite when it left her lips. It sounded expensive, like a delicacy—like success. They glanced at each other, a giggle escaping her lips as Jimin reached over and pulled her into him, her small frame against his own. He covered her in kisses. Her laughs were the sweetest sound he's heard.

"What would I do without you?"

Jimin's eyes fluttered open, meeting with blonde hair covering the pillow beside him. It almost startled him; part of him expected to see those same chocolate waves from his dream. Dreaming was the only way he could remember the past, considering he would have willed those memories into a box during his waking hours. All they did was provide a source of pain, a fuel for depression, and he couldn't afford to waste time.

Like right now.

He wasn't a morning person and would strictly work at night if he had it his way. But nighttime was only for getting drunk and sleeping in terms of the business world, so he had to adjust. He pushed himself to sit up, running a hand through his messy bedhead to push the wild strands out of his eyes. His partner groaned softly from all the sudden movement, causing him to look at the girl through squinty eyes.

"Hey," he croaked with his brows furrowed. He glazed over the blonde's tousled waves that cascaded over her bare spine. He reached out and touched her, cold hands against warm skin, but to his surprise, there was no response. His brows squished together further; that trick usually caused them to spring to life.

The muscles in his jaw feathered with annoyance as he grabbed his phone off the nightstand, checking the time. He got out of bed and gathered his boxer briefs from the clothes that were scattered amongst the floor, haphazardly thrown about in last night's act of passion. This girl slept like a rock and would put a significant dent in his schedule if she didn't get up soon. And as stated earlier, he didn't have time to waste. He responded to a few text messages he deemed urgent before grabbing the comforter and tugging off of her body. She groaned in protest, reaching out to grasp at the sheets.

"Yo, get up." The blonde began to walk around his bedroom while picking up bits and pieces of her clothes. It may have been cold the past few nights, but dressing with this many layers was extreme. After confirming he grabbed everything, he tossed the bundle of fabrics at her. The sound of a text notification rang from his phone, prompting him to respond quickly. "You gotta go," he said over the clicks of his keyboard.

The woman finally sat herself up, furrowing her brows as she looked back at the man. He was barely paying any attention to her. She got up and started to get dressed again. "Good morning to you, too," she said, catching a glance from him for a second. She huffed quietly, sliding her shirt on. "You know, guys I normally hook up with, treat me to breakfast in the morning."

"That's nice for them," Jimin deadpanned.

The blonde gasped dramatically, her green eyes widening. "You know, I deserve better!"

He nodded his head, "Mhm definitely. You do deserve better." He walked over to his door and opened it, eyes still glued to his phone screen. "And you are welcome to go find it! Outside my apartment."

The woman pouted at the man now. She walked over, standing directly in front of him. She had hoped to get his attention one last time, but her efforts failed. "I didn't want to believe the rumors about you. I was hoping they weren't true, but I guess Park Jimin does have a heart of ice."

Jimin genuinely snickered, looking at the girl. "I guess you'll learn not to be so naive," he grinned at her, and her heart could've melted. Someone so cold shouldn't possess a smile so warm. Mixing fire with ice should've been physically impossible, but here he was, the walking enigma. "Izzy will let you out. Ensure you don't forget anything; I'm not fond of flings." The blonde girl left his bedroom as he looked down at the phone again. "Get home safe, Jamie!"

"It's Jessica!" He heard just as he shut the door. 

It didn't matter what her name was since he would never see her again. Like she said, the rumors were true. Park Jimin will treat you as if you were the only girl in the world, to forget your existence when morning arises. Warm to the touch with words like icicles. He walked to his bathroom, losing the box briefs as he hooked up some music for his shower.

After completing his morning routine, he walked out of the bathroom with a towel barely hanging around his hips. He tossed his phone onto his bed as he walked over to the wall-length windows occupying one side of the room. As Jimin pulled back the curtains, allowing sunlight to finally crash through his windows, he sighed deeply. He looked up at the crisp blue sky with a slight frown pulling on his lips. He rubbed at his chest, hand over his heart as if to soothe a never-ending ache.

She liked days like this, days without a cloud in sight. It reminded her of perfect summer days, with ice cream dripping down her chin and children's laughter. 

"Mr. Park," said a woman as she barged into Jimin's room. The woman was genuinely heaven-sent when he needed her to be. Her heels clicked against his polished, white birch flooring, the sound ripping him from intrusive memories that would’ve left him bedridden for a week. She stared down at the binder in one hand while the used pushed blonde hair out of her face. She adjusted her glasses as she waited for her response.

Jimin inhaled deeply, letting his eyes shut as his head tilted back. His hand rested over his heart. While being heaven-sent, he knew exactly what would come out of her mouth in the next 15 seconds just by how she entered his room. "Yes?" He sighed.

"Alright, you have a 9:30 with Mr. Salvatore; he said he wanted to double-check the lot for the next studio. The graphics team for AIMIt also would like to meet with you when you have the time. I said you were available at 11, hoping the studio check would be brief, so it'll be just before your lunch. And….” Izzy continued to ramble on about various meetings on the itinerary today, emails that needed to be sent, and checks that needed to be signed, causing Jimin's head to spin.

"Iz…." He called out as he shut his eyes tight, trying to separate his thoughts from her voice. She continued, prompting him to turn around and face the woman. "Izzy," he repeated a bit louder this time. She stared down at the binder in her hand, her free one waving about as she spoke and pushing back her black-rimmed glasses when needed. He walked towards her, and with her total lack of attention to her surroundings, Jimin could snatch the binder from her hand, her wide blue eyes finally meeting his brown ones. He looked down at his jam-packed schedule, seeing tiny color-coded notes that made him squint. Even with his contacts in, he still couldn't read any of it. "Did you manage to schedule in when I get to take a shit?" He smirked playfully at her.

Izzy rolled her eyes, reclaiming the binder from the man. "Oh ha ha, Mr. Park, you're so hilarious!" Sarcasm laced her words while Jimin sent her a wink. He walked towards his walk-in closet, and she intuitively followed while she flipped through the pages of the schedule she meticulously put together. "But these are the consequences of going to dinner the other night! You have a tightly packed schedule down to the second, thanks to yours truly. You're welcome." He dropped the towel, but this didn't phase Izzy at all. She was dedicated to her job, and dedication meant walking in on the blonde more often than not.

She was organized, precise, and reliable but needed to gain awareness of boundaries. You win some and lose some. 

"You don't have time to waste!" She reiterated as if Jimin didn't already know. He continued to get dressed, sliding on a pair of boxer briefs before putting on a pair of black sweatpants. "Between being the owner AND an instructor, I'm surprised you have time to shit! By the way, I have you down for 2:30 PM and 6 PM for bathroom times, figuring things could digest after lunch and a snack."

"Well, it won't be needed," he said before asking Siri about the weather. "Cancel everything."

"W-What?!" She stammered, looking at the shirtless man as if he had four heads.

Jimin thumbed through his athletic shirts, flipping between a long-sleeved compression shirt and a long-sleeved cotton shirt. They were both black, and he ended up going with the former. "Cancel it all." He took the shirt off the hanger, slid the stretchy material over his torso, and turned to face the woman again. "I want a day to myself."

"Are you crazy?! Mr. Salvatore doesn't like it when people cancel at the last minute, which is fair! You need—"

"Isabelle," his stern tone cut her off and promptly shut her up. She knew which battles she could win, and this wasn't one of them. "Mr. Salvatore can wait. The graphics team can wait. However, I will drop by the office to get payroll done. Other than that, I know everything, and everyone else will wait. You know this business doesn't move without me."

He was right, and of course he was. Even though he constantly reminds Hoseok that the man is just as important as he is, the brand will crumble without Jimin. They needed his business expertise, as it was his major in college. He walked out of his closet after slipping on some sneakers, knowing Izzy would trail behind like his shadow. After grabbing his phone and keys from his room, he went downstairs.

"Do you think I should get breakfast at Little Latte or Starbucks?" He asked as he skimmed through the various food items in his fridge—nothing but odd ends and snacks. He was rarely home anymore, and when he was, it was after dinner or to commit someone to his sheets.

"Mr. Park…," she said softly, voice slightly quivering as she held the binder close to her chest.

"Izzy," he sighed again, closing his fridge and looking at the small girl before him. She was trembling despite her serious tone. He couldn't help but frown a little. He knew how much this job meant to her, primarily because he found her. He technically saved her, and she showed her gratitude by being so dedicated. Little did she know, she was the one who saved him, and Jimin would never be able to repay her. "After you reschedule everything, because I know you will, please take the day off as well."

He walked over to her, lifting her chin with his finger to look into her blue eyes. She glared at him, making him smile. Her brows furrowed, her body rejecting the idea of a day off. 

"Come on, Iz," he pleaded once he realized she wouldn't budge. "It's beautiful outside! Take a walk, get some sun! We both deserve some rest and relaxation. If not, you leave me no choice but to fire you." The woman looked up at him with wide eyes as his brows raised. He cracked a smile, "Don't worry, you know I'd rehire you."

Izzy let out a heavy sigh. She couldn't help but roll her eyes, falling victim to Park Jimin's irresistible tactics. "Starbucks is overpriced, and you know Little Latte makes the best coffee on the Lower East Side," she offered the man a small smile. 

"Thank you," he reached out to ruffle her hair, causing her to swat at his hand. "Now go on! And I expect to hear all about your magical day off tomorrow morning!" He urged her towards the door while she let out a loud scoff. They knew she would stay inside and rework Jimin's schedule, maybe curl up with a book afterward. She loathed the outdoors.

After Isabelle left, he scrambled around one of his spare closets where he threw random objects in. Like how every household had a junk drawer, he had a junk closet. There, Jimin found his old yoga mat, dusting off the plush rug. He didn't realize how long it's been since he used it. Either way, he had plans to change that today. He headed towards the door and left. 

Jimin opted to walk to the quaint coffee shop, seeing as it was just a short distance from his penthouse. It indeed was a beautiful day outside—not a cloud in sight. The sun offered a comforting warmth instead of beating down on the man like he owed it rent money. There was a light breeze just for the people who got hot no matter what, keeping everyone comfortable. With over-ear headphones on, blasting Justin Bieber as he walked down the sidewalk like he owed it.

"When I'm in my thoughts sometimes, it's hard to believe I'm the person you think I am, the person you tell me you love…"

Skip.

So much for that. The blonde continued to hit the arrow button on his phone screen. He needed a little more upbeat and a little less let's-remind-you-of-your-past.

"Got a boy back home in Michigan, and it tastes like Jack when I'm kissing him…"

Settling for Halsey, he continued his trek until he reached his destination. He pushed the door open, and as expected, the quaint coffee shop was busy despite being a Wednesday at 11 AM. He quietly joined the queue, bopping his head to the music blasting in his ears. He noted which songs made his body subconsciously move, hoping to prepare something for a later class. As the line grew closer to the registers, he lowered his music just enough to hear the quiet hum of a busy establishment. Once at the counter, he pulled off his headphones and rested them around his neck.

"Hi, welcome in, what can I—Oh shit," Jimin heard as he reached for his wallet. He furrowed his brows while looking up at the person behind the counter. Eyes of flames met his own, making his go round. In front of him stood a tall man with dark hair pulled up into a bun resting on his head. A silver hoop glimmered against his lips while various black ink and color tattoos traveled down his arm and spilled onto his hand. He held a black Sharpie with a tight grip, frozen in place as it hovered over a plastic cup. 

Jimin was slightly stunned and a bit confused. He didn't know this man for him to be on the opposing end of a glare. "Did I—"

"What do you want?" The other man growled, causing Jimin's eyes to narrow. Little Latte has been his favorite spot for years, and he's never once had such a rude interaction with any of the staff.

"A medium dalgona, please."

"Of course, you'd pick the most annoying drink to make."

"Couldn't possibly be as annoying as you right now."

The man scoffed. "Aren't you too old to be using comebacks from grade school?"

"Aren't you too poor to be talking to me like this?" Jimin snapped, earning a quiet gasp from the woman behind him. The man's patience was thin, and he only wanted a cup of coffee. The taller man's gaze hardened at Jimin, almost challenging him. Jimin was never one to back down, so he stared back as he placed a hand on his hip and looked the man up and down.

An older man walked out from a side door wearing a soft blue button-down and a black apron covered in flour and food stains around his hips. He stood with perfect posture and didn't look a day over 30. His midnight hair and beard had peppered strands of silver throughout. His skin was pale with rosy undertones, lips perfectly structured, and a jawline sharp enough to cut through granite. Jimin could only wish he'd look that good in his older age. He did a double take at Jimin as he stood by the barista's side. Any evidence of concern in the older man's face dissipated while Jimin's tense shoulders dropped a little from the familiar face.

"Ah! Jimin! It's so wonderful to see you." He nodded at the man briefly, pearly teeth peeking behind rose-shaded lips, before looking at the barista. "Why don't you take your break, Jeongguk? I got it from here." Jeongguk sighed softly, dropping the cup before entering the room where the older man once came. 

"Sorry about that, Jimin; he must be a little tired. He normally doesn't work Wednesdays," the man said as he finished Jimin's order.

Jimin finally managed to relax, though his brows remained furrowed. "It's no problem, Mr. Choi. How much do I owe you?" He looked down at his wallet and began to sort through the bills. 

"Nothing," Mr. Choi's brows furrowed as he flinched slightly.

Jimin's warm brown eyes met the others', hand frozen in place with a 20 dollar bill between his fingertips. "Mr. Choi," he deadpanned. 

"Jimin," he said in the same tone, prompting a groan from the blonde as he rolled his eyes. Mr. Choi couldn't help but chuckle as he turned his back to the man to start preparing his beverage. He stepped to the side with a playful pout on his puffy pink lips.

He forgot when Mr. Choi started to refuse his payments, but he fought him every time the elder insisted it was on the house. Good coffee deserves compensation. Good food deserves payment, especially if everything is made in-house. Mr. Choi was an insane baker. While away in Spain, he missed Little Latte dearly. This was his safe space for years during college—from studying to heartbreak, Mr. Choi has seen him through it all.

After sneakily paying for the lady behind him, he waited for his coffee, glancing around the shop. The shop mainly had stayed the same since Jimin first started to come here until something caught his attention. Across the room, by the stage, placed against the wall, was a piece of artwork. A Luna piece, to be specific. He felt a chill spread from his face to his fingertips, suddenly feeling flushed with heat.

"You really did mean it when you said you were a big fan.”

Her voice rang through his ears as if she were right next to him. Jimin's cheeks burned as he swallowed hard, folding his arms over his chest. He tried to pull his eyes away from the seamlessly blended pale and mid-green tones that spread horizontally from one end of the canvas to the other. Flecks of emerald green and metallic silver danced freely amongst the ombré. The piece was a statement, the colors popping against the taupe wall. Knowing he could spot her work anywhere, he hated that Kiara was right.

"Is that new?" He asked as he glanced at the owner.

Mr. Choi looked at Jimin and then at the painting, "Oh yeah. A customer gifted it to me as a birthday present." The man smiled as he reminisced. There were very few people who held a space in his heart, but since moving here, it seemed as if he adopted a family. "Kiara," a fond smile spread on his lips while Jimin's heart started to race, "lovely girl." 

The older man handed the blonde, who seemed entranced by the painting, his beverage. "You know, she reminds me a lot of you," he chuckled. Jimin's eyes widened, almost dropping the coffee he had just received. He stared at Mr. Choi, who had a slight smirk playing on his lips. "Both of you are very hard workers, lovers of the arts, and pains in my ass."

Jimin glared at the man while Mr. Choi threw his head back, cackling. There was no way in hell he and Kiara were alike. Grouping the man with a selfish liar was ridiculous, but the blonde forced a smile to humor him. He stuck his hand in his pocket again, hearing sounds of disapproval from behind the counter.

"I said it was on the house!" Mr. Choi argued.

Jimin ignored him, seeing a jar on the counter with a white label that 'read tips :)'. The container held various dollar bills and some spare change, but the shop deserved more. Despite the elder's protests, the man grabbed a 100-dollar bill and stuck it in the jar.

"Jimin!"

"If you keep complaining, I'm gonna put another hundred in there," the blonde threatened with a grin. Mr. Choi narrowed his eyes at him but didn't make another sound. Jimin winked at the older man, causing him to roll his eyes and shake his head before returning to work.

The man sipped his coffee and walked over to a seat by the window. A seat he had known since his college days. He enjoyed watching the people walk by; it kept his mind quiet as he made up stories for those who passed. It was easy to do in a place like this, where there were so many different people on so many different routes. 

Sometimes, he wondered what it would've been like if he had gone down an alternative route. Would he be able to take days off whenever? Would he have been able to sit in a coffee shop? Or would his day have been plagued with never-ending emails from people demanding his attention?

Jimin didn't like to think about it often, feeling anger bubbling in his gut.

"Your dreams don't matter."

"You can dream once you take over this company."

The blonde shook his head, ridding the memories from his mind. Just as he took the last sip of his sweet coffee, his phone started to buzz in his pocket. Jimin quickly reached for it, glancing at the caller ID before answering.

His sweet coffee turned bitter on his tongue.

He swallowed hard, feeling his hands grow warm as he placed the empty cup on the table. He stared at the screen, breathing unsteadily as he racked his brain for reasons why she would be calling. A few seconds later, the contact named Mother disappeared from his screen, minimizing to a small missed call notification. His jaw clenched as his body tensed up.

She told him never to call her again.

He promised he wouldn't and kept it.

So why was she contacting him?

His phone buzzed again, seeing she had also left him a voicemail. He inhaled deeply, shutting his eyes briefly before unlocking his phone. He waited to check the voicemail. Just the thought of her managed to will the action of her reaching out into existence. Now, if only Jimin could use those powers in other aspects of life.

The man ran his fingers through his pale golden locks, gripping the strands briefly before releasing them. Jimin released another heavy sigh, shutting his eyes for a moment. Little Latte was a great place to sit and think until those thoughts became heavy. Next thing you know, you're bawling your eyes out while the owner consoles you with a cup of tea and a freshly baked sugar cookie.

As he debated on staying, fighting the demons and nightmares that were bound to rear their ugly heads and finally try to lay them to rest, he spotted a note stuck onto the table. It read:

“Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity."

His lips pulled into a small smile as he read it, glancing around as if he were going to find the one who wrote it. How did this mystery person know that this was what he needed to hear right now?

And with that, the blonde got up, throwing away his trash before waving goodbye to Mr. Choi. The note was a good pick me up and gave Jimin the boost he needed. He wasn't going to go back to that place again. He wouldn't let his thoughts consume him past the point of no return again. He made a promise to a little girl, and he intended to keep it. Unlike some people, promises meant something to him. He placed his headphones over his eyes again as he looked up the nearest yoga studio on his phone. Living in New York was terrific on days like these; everything was within walking distance of each other, and you never needed to go far to find what you needed.

After following the directions from his phone, he stopped in front of a building with tinted glass windows. On one of the windows was cursive lettering that read State of Mind. The words circled a silhouette of a person sitting with their legs layered one over the other. Jimin pushed the door open and entered. The light, cream-colored walls and the golden oak-stained wood flooring gave the room a bright feel. There was a hint of lavender incense burning in the air, nothing too strong but enough to calm his nerves upon entering. Various plants were placed meticulously around the room while soothing music filled the otherwise quiet space.

He walked up to the desk, where a woman with long dark hair focused on a computer screen. The blonde waited patiently, not wanting to be rude by demanding her attention instantly. Soon enough, the girl glanced at him, doing a double take. Her brown eyes were wide with wonder, and her jaw slightly hung open with a smile tugging at her lips. She stared much longer than socially appropriate, making the blonde chuckle uncomfortably.

"I'm sorry," she sighed, placing a hand on her chest while a dusty pink spread across her tanned cheeks. "You're Jimin, right? On TikTok?"

Jimin offered the girl a slight smile as he chuckled sheepishly. "Yeah, I am."

"Oh my god, I'm such a huge fan! I've been dying to go to one of your classes, but," the girl suddenly looked down and away, the pink on her cheeks deepening to a rose. "I'm not that great of a dancer."

The blonde's smile widened. "That's OK! We offer beginner classes and ensure everyone is comfortable and confident in their skin. We're really laid back." He reassured as the brunette looked at him again. She was pretty, with a sweet face, innocent eyes, and a shy smile. He felt a pain in his chest, his smile wavering for a second, but not enough for her to notice. "Let me get your contact information, and I'll try to squeeze you into my next class if you're interested."

She perked up, the smile on her face reaching her eyes. "I'd like that!" She quickly wrote down her information and handed it to him. "Now, how may I help you today?"

Jimin chuckled, slightly amused by her quick personality switch. "I was wondering if there was a glass I could join in," he said as he pulled his wallet out of his pocket. "I know it's kinda last minute."

"That's fine!" She tapped on her keyboard a few times. "There's a class starting in a few minutes with an opening, so you can walk on in."

The smile on his lips grew. They finished out the transaction as Jimin lightly flirted with the girl. He couldn't help it. She looked so much like… her. The woman from his dreams. From his nightmares.

He walked down a nearby hallway until he reached a frosted glass door. Upon entering, he noticed the chatter amongst the fellow occupants stopped. Suddenly, all eyes were on him. If it were anyone else, they would've been startled by the point of uncomfortableness, walking in with shoulders that seemed to fold in on themselves while keeping their eyes glued to the floor.

Jimin was the exact opposite. He knew he commanded the attention of any room, so he was used to the peering eyes watching his every move. There was silence beside his footsteps that led him to an empty spot next to someone who got a head start on stretching—someone who seemed not to care about who had just walked into the room at all. After he rolled out his mat, the conversation between the other people resumed. As he took a moment to warm up, his eyes glanced around the room.

The area had the same walling and flooring as the reception area. Wall-length windows aligned against the right wall gave a full view of a garden they had outside. The foliage began getting its deep green leaves back, and colorful buds were sprouting. The place must've been beautiful in full bloom. He made a mental note to visit later in the Spring.

His eyes then went from looking past to the girl beside him. She wore a black zip-up hoodie that stopped short enough to expose some of the golden brown skin of her abdomen. She raised her arms, stretching out her body. Her silhouette was absolutely sinful. A perfect hourglass shape accentuated every more so by her fuller figure. She had on a pair of thin yoga pants, and Jimin could damn near lose his mind staring at her ass, so he looked elsewhere. Her dark hair was tied into a messy bun, loose spirals sticking out here and there, trying to break out of their restraints. All he could do was imagine himself with his fingers entangled in her hair while he pulled on them, burying himself deep inside of her while she screamed out for more.

Stop. You came here to relax, the blonde thought to himself.

Jimin pulled his arm over his chest and held it with his other arm, stretching his shoulders. So far, the body was nice; now, if she just turned around, he could decide if she was worth pursuing. The blonde didn't have a type—he liked anyone in any shape, size, or skin tone. With all the beautiful people in the world, why limit himself? Love is blind, and lust is fluid; there should be no reason to be picky when you're just looking for fun.

He turned his body to the wall-length mirror in front of them, hoping to get a glance at her face. At the same time, she turned to face the mirror as well. Their eyes instantly met as if they were looking for each other.

His heart dropped into his stomach while his face grew hot. 

It couldn't be. There was no way.

↣ next :: previous :: series m.list ↢

[fanaticsnail]

I remember you mentioned having a Mihawk playlist, and the way you manage to find songs that perfectly fit the vibes of your fics and enhance the reading experience is one of the things I love about your writing

So I was wondering if you could share some of the songs on your playlist? Or even some songs that you associate with certain characters/tropes/scenarios?

I always love it when you send me asks, @sexc-snail.

I absolutely DO have a Mihawk playlist. I share the playlist construction with another creator on Tumblr who I love, cherish and adore: @sordidmusings. We add to it as we write, recommend songs as they come to us to help with words in works.

I could get into a long, long rant about music so I will add a page break here ❤. Lots of song recs to follow for the OPLA cast so far.

I am a violinist; have been playing for 25 years this year (I AM GETTING OLD, JEEPERS CREEPERS). Music is a great, passionate love affair for me and I adore learning about songs and pieces new and old. Here are some recommendations for songs and vibes I associate with the characters and the tropes.

I never add lyrics to my fics so the readers can visualize their own favourite melodies where they see fit, but I do have tunes in mind when I write them. The only fic I've really centralised a song about is the "You Should Be Sad" Mihawk fic I wrote a while back and the Koby series I'm writing.

Here are some song recommendations: all songs are Spotify linked. Enjoy a peek into my madness.

For the Characters

Luffy:

Long Way Home: Walk off the Earth, Lindsay Stirling

Following the Sun: SUPER-Hi, NEEKA

La Isla Bonita: Madonna

Zoro

Work Song: Hozier

Promise: Voyager

Cold Shot: Stevie Ray Vaughan

Sanji

Love Story: Indila

Know You Girls: Franz Ferdinand

Family Line: Conan Grey

Nami (She gets four, because she's amazing and I love her)

Runaway: Aurora

My Mother Told Me: NATI, Cullen Vance, Jonny Stewart

Outside: Ellie Golding, Calvin Harris

Queen of the Kings: Alessandra

Usopp

Mechanical Instinct: Aviators

The Higher Ground: Red Hot Chili Peppers

Eastside: Benny Blanco, Halsey, Khalid

Buggy

Be Your Shadow: The Wombats

Gasoline: Halsey

I Wanna Be Your Slave: Maneskin

Shanks:

The One that Got Away: The Civil Wars

Atlantis: Seafret

Barton Hollow: The Civil Wars

Mihawk

Seven Nation Army: Postmodern Jukebox

My Heart With You: The Rescues

The Snake: Lana Lubany

Koby (He also gets four, because he deserves only good things, and because Morgan Davies is Aussie like me)

Grieve No More: Patty Gurdy

Siuil A Run: Ella Roberts

Mad World: Jasmine Thompson

Again: Flyleaf

Helmeppo

Fighter: Christina Aguilera

Torn: Natalie Imbruglia

Elastic Heart: Sia

Garp

Sharp Dressed Man: ZZ Top

Under a Violet Moon: Blackmores Night

Billie Jean: The Civil Wars

For the Tropes

Unrequitted Love (My all time favourite thing)

Wrecking Ball: Beth

Can't Help Falling in Love: Tommee Profitt, Brooke

I Found: Amber Run

Comptine d'un autre ete l'apres-midi: Yann Tierson

Derniere Danse: Indila

Only in my Mind: Kenya Grace

Over and Over: Three Days Grace

Broken Pieces: Apocalyptica Lacey

Too Close: Alex Clare

Stupid Heart: Sorana

Enemies to Lovers

FMLYHM: Sether

Closer: NIN

Hella Good: No Doubt

Play With Fire: Sam Tinnesz, Yacht Money

Why'd You Only Ever Call Me When You're High: Arctic Monkeys

For when they give into their feelings:

Surrender: Natalie Taylor

As the World Caves In: Sarah Cothran

Freeze You Out: Marina Kaye

Say Yes To Heaven: Lana Del Rey

For when they give up but feelings are still there

Lose you to love me: Selena Gomez

Liar: Camilla Cabello

Darkside: Alan Walker

Say My Name: David Guetta, Bebe Rexha, J Balvin

Only Love Can Hurt Like This: Paloma Faith

I See Red: Everybody Loves an Outlaw

If you made it this far, thank you. This was a labour of love. Happy listening ❤

[thewhumpcaretaker]

Seven Songs of Suffering: Control

I'm bigger than my body / I'm colder than this home / I'm meaner than my demons / I'm bigger than these bones And all the kids cried out, "Please stop, you're scaring me" / I can't help this awful energy / Goddamn right, you should be scared of me / Who is in control? - Halsey

Event Masterpost | Image Source

Summary: Karl Heisenberg struggles to remember who he truly is while transforming. I'm placing this somewhere in his past, before Ethan comes to the village. Maybe when he's in his early 20s. It's one of many fights he had with Mother Miranda.

CW: hurt/no-comfort, sensations of being beaten up in a mutated metal body, emotional repression, identity confusion, parent-child abuse kind of? (she's not really his mother but pretends to be so I'm tagging it)

It’s not that it hurts to transform. This is the way that his twisted body functions – it’s supposed to happen. It’s more complicated than pain. It’s that unsettling feeling, of the Cadau joining him with something that is not himself. Something enormous and abyssal that wants to swallow his mind and consume his body. The megamycete. It’s unsettling because he wants it, he craves it, he can’t stop. It corrupts even his desires until he can’t tell who he is.

It’s physical too. Something cold and unfeeling becoming a part of himself. The icy metal, a mere conductor coursing with dark energy. He can feel every scrap of aluminum, their internal filaments tingling like nerves. He’s bigger than his body. But never big enough. He needs more. More! He’s not safe yet. He’s not free yet. She still has him.

“Calm yourself, Heisenberg. You’re having a tantrum.”

“No! NO!!!! I will never let go of my hatred!!!” His voice vibrates through copper pipes pressed against his throat and steel shavings dancing like fireflies in the air, coming out magnified and strangled at the same time. This indignation is who he is, this is his last tie to his true self. He won’t accept the invasion that grips his every cell. NEVER. He will HATE.

Or is…or is that the Cadou? Is it his desire to lay down and be loved that is actually him? To please someone? A flash of a near-eradicated memory, hugging his mother’s calf as a toddler. His mother, his real mother, not Mother Miranda. The longing to please, to make her happy… Which part of him is real? Who is he?

NO! Miranda wants him to remember that!! Miranda wants him to fawn over her like that!!! He thrashes towards her, bringing down enormous metal fists – too late. She’s already gone again.

“I don’t appreciate been struck at by my son, Heisenberg. It seems you need a reminder that I am in charge of this household.”

Black wings, a storm of roots and talons. Dark branches engulf him, a briar twice the size of his own massive form. He can’t even see what’s happening.

She slams him into the ground and he shatters. The body mass of ten whole people is twisted and melted and pulverized and he can’t even feel it through the rage. He’s screaming so much. He’s screaming so he won’t cry. He’s strong. He’s brave. He’s better than her. Hold onto that. No pain. No wanting to be held. No longing for acceptance.

He’s laying on his back, the shell around him utterly broken and Miranda pouring rain over his fragile human form. But he still doesn’t let himself cry. Little does Miranda know how she’s courting her own downfall. He’ll get stronger. Even his real mother was useless. She was too weak to protect him. No one will ever protect him so he will have to protect himself. He doesn’t want a family, no. He doesn’t want to be there for anyone ever again.

Because no one has ever been there for him.

[lunarflux]

↔ ᴍʏ ᴅᴀʀᴋ ᴄᴏᴍᴘᴀɴɪᴏɴ, ᴘᴛ 7

Aemond Targaryen x Fem!OC

genre—smut, dark romance song inspo—bad omens - death of peace of mind, billie eilish - my boy, halsey - young god, isabel larosa - i'm yours, florence & the machine - seven devils, 070 shake & christine and the queens - you can't kill me, breakk.away - outside summary— Aemond indulges in his twisted desires with a woman who knows his every need. They meet in secret, their passion driven by his anger and her willingness to submit to his painful advances. Aemond craves her, yet despises the intimacy that follows. He questions why she always returned to him, knowing that she did not love or care for him. The cycle of desire and anger persists, leaving him yearning for more, caught in a tormented state until their next encounter.

It was odd, knocking on Adiel’s door. For the first time, he was on the other side of the wall, and there was always the chance she might not reveal herself. Aemond stared at the wood, listening to the shuffling behind it. Before long, it slowly opened. Adiel stood before him. The vacant expression on her face was one he had not seen. It wasn’t the mask she wore in front of crowds. She was emotionless.

Aemond stepped inside. She didn’t react as he reached for her throat, wrapping his fingers around her snuggly. She looked up at him, grimace unchanged and solid. He kissed her, but her even her warmth felt foreign.

“You are unsatisfied,” he whispered.

The flicker of rage appeared only for a moment before disappearing again behind nothingness. “Is your marriage to me a punishment or something you truly wish?”

Aemond didn’t know how to respond. Her words were so cold. While he hadn’t expected her to react to him with joy, he foresaw a much different reply.

She removed his hand, throwing it down to his side. “You do not care for me. Our marriage would do little for your life. It will not further the kingdom nor will it bring you satisfaction.”

“If my care and satisfaction are far from your priorities, I don’t see why—”

“—What is it that you really want from me, Aemond? You want me to be your wife or your whore? Your confidant or a body? Tell me now or I will allow my father to rip me from this marriage,” the anguish slowly came into sight. Not a tremble to her voice, she cast ill-intention with her demeanor. “I am no whore. You know this. I chose you, Aemond—to answer when you called, that was my decision. It was not because I care, not because of love, I simply chose you. As a woman, there are few choices in life that are mine, and you have just ripped that away from me!”

“Is it not enough that I have chosen you then?” Aemond mocked.

Adiel’s eyes suddenly softened almost with dejection before reverting back to anger, “But why do you want me? I told you, did I not, that I want to see you broken—”

The small point of a dagger suddenly prodded the center of his throat. He should have counted on someone like Adiel to carry such a delicate weapon, but nonetheless, the potentially fatal gesture forced him to see how in distress she was. This was not the spite and craven behavior she normally possessed. This was her real grief brought on by confusion.

Adiel poised the dagger carefully, “Have you grown so addicted to your misery that you wish to possess me?”

Aemond inched forward until red started to seep onto his porcelain skin, and her eyes shifted. It was panic, and he could see it so clearly. Though she was in a position to damage him, she had never meant to. The pain she wanted was emotional, and cutting him crossed a line she never intended to approach. Adiel dropped the blade, and it clanked on the floor. Her hand trembled as she reached for his wound, but she stopped herself. He was always the one to touch her first. Even now, her submission to him took over her impulses.

Aemond took her hand and laid it upon his neck, covering the small cut, “I found your fear, Adiel. We have played this game many times, and only now do I see it because it is I who tastes your pain at this very moment, and I will selfishly say that I do not wish to taste another’s.”

As he spoke, the distress in her eyes turned to sadness.

“You may never say it aloud, but I know. You wanted me to deny my need of you because it tormented me to feel it at all. And now, I shall return the favor,” he took her other hand and placed it on his chest.

Resisting the urge to touch his face, she swallowed her anguish, “And what favor are you gracing me with?”

Aemond leaned in towards her until his lips just barely brushed against hers. The pitter-patters of her breath tickled his cheeks, but he held himself back, hovering so closely to her as if beckoning her to kiss him first.

“Letting you writhe in torment as you deny your affection towards me,” he whispered. “I see it. You wreak of it. I have spent many days in agony in your absence while you deprive me of your touch, and I have chosen to suffer no longer. Perhaps you should do the same. Deny me, and you will only know agony. Accept me—claim me as I you and we shall shoulder this affliction together.”

Adiel stepped backward, pulling her hands free. She shook her head as her eyes welled up with emotion, her lips quivering, an emotion she never let anyone see before.

Aemond reached for her, trying to take her in his arms in an attempt to show her gentle intimacy, but she held her arm out, keeping him at a distance.

“Does being with me outside of this game we play really instill this much fear in you?”

“I do not wish… to be exposed,” she spoke slowly.

“I have known you to be quite exposed to me in more ways than one.”

“Yes, but not like this.” When Adiel’s eyes met his, the look of dread clouded her attempt to appear strong. “True affection, Aemond, it is terrifying. That is true madness. The possession, the craze, the fire—it will die down. You and I are but a flame about to be suffocated.”

Again, he reached for her, and this time, she accepted his touch. He held her cheeks, drawing her tears away with his thumbs. As he did before, he posed himself, letting her hunger of him pull her closer, “Then let us set fire to the kingdom and watch it burn.”

It was so much different. The taste of her without anguish, the feeling of being with her without torment. No submission, no dominance, the dance of the two of them reciprocating the other with shared desperation. Aemond took his time with her, undressing her with care and gazing upon her. He was not taking her—she was accepting him. Caressing her curves as his tongue traveled up and down her folds, he worked away at her, groaning into her core every time her thighs quivered. She mounted him, grinding her hips against his. He entered her slowly, and she moaned into their kiss.

Tonight, Aemond let her take him, use him in any way she wanted to, and what she wanted was to move together, meeting flesh to flesh so that they ached together.

Adiel held onto him. Her eyes, still glistening, bore into his, and every second that passed, she spoke to him through her motions. He understood her perfectly, finding that his dominance was never needed. She knew exactly what to do, and to do it together was to feel ecstasy like never before. The chorus of their moans filled the room, completely uninhibited and ignorant of whoever might hear.

“I need you,” he sighed into her chest, “Cum for me—”

Adiel grabbed the back of his neck, out of breath and panting, but never once stopping the rhythmic grinding of her hips, “Say it again—”

Just as she held him, Aemond took a fistful of her hair, drawing her in to rest her forehead against his, “I need you—fuck—I need you—I fucking need you—”

He said it over and over again until she threw her head back. The most perfect, sweet cry erupted from the bottom of her throat. Her walls clenched around him, sending him over the edge as they came together.

Aemond kept her close until their breaths slowed as they came down from their high. He kissed her delicately, savoring the euphoric moment with the last remnants of his energy.

When Adiel’s eyes fluttered open, the sadness had faded.

“If I allow myself to love you, it will be the death of me.”

“Allow yourself to love me and live,” Aemond brushed his nose against hers before laying another kiss on her lips, “If death shall follow, then I will pray to your moon goddess that she take me with you.”

[liyawritesss]

ꜱᴏʀʀʏ ᴛᴏ ᴍʏ ᴜɴᴋɴᴏᴡɴ ʟᴏᴠᴇʀ

Pairing: MCU!Riri Williams x Black!Masc!Reader

Genre: Fic

Synopsis: In which you can’t believe anyone ever truly falls in love with you, until Riri Williams attempts to show you otherwise.

Warnings: mentions of severe anxiety, very bad breakups, cursing, an unspecified situationship between reader and Riri, use of cannabis and other herbs for smoking, mentions of domestic abuse

A/N: In this fic, the reader has severe anxiety and mania that causes her emotions to become too overwhelming to control; therefore she uses cannabis to dull her emotions to a tolerable level. Songs to listen to while reading: Halsey’s “Sorry”, Chase Atlantic’s “I THINK I’M LOST AGAIN”, Ella Mai’s “Trip, Lul Sis’s “I Remember”, SZA’s “Shirt” & “Special”

Tags: @inmyheadimobsessed @verachii @babyboiboyega @badass-dora-milaje @rxcently @chrome-edition @liv444me @yvxmpire @hippiedippyshit @secretgyals

Up until a year ago, the only thing you could depend on was your music and a blunt.

It’s a riveting story, really, of how you became acquainted with the cannabis-filled paper roll. A bundle of contentment your first ex introduced you to. The only thing you had control of in that relationship, and the only thing you took from it. A young, naive sixteen year old desperate for affection, who fell into the trap of an eighteen year old who only cared for self satisfaction. But what better could you have known?

And now you stare at the blunt between your fingers, with the base of your car turned to the max and the speakers blasting whatever song you had on your playlist, watching the red ring around the end inch closer and closer to your skin. If it was bad day, you’d let it reach your fingers, allowing the embers of the blunt to burn into the tip of your thumb and forefinger as they’ve done before. The sting of it is far more satisfying than the sting your lungs took with every pull of the brown little stub.

But you’re too conscious to let it happen. That, and you have company coming.

There’s a loud knocking on your tinted car windows, the perpetrator none other than Riri Williams. You can’t hear what she’s shouting, but you're sure it’s something about how you need to open the car door because it’s cold as shit outside.

Your unlock the passenger door and turn down the music to a tolerable level - Riri never liked it when you played your music loud - and turn up the heat for the passenger side of the car. The engineer sports some black sweatpants, a pastel blue crop top, and her black bubble winter jacket that’s overly shiny and plastic-y in texture. Despite the many times you’ve offered to buy her another, warmer, less annoying coat, she refuses. ‘She still has a year or two left in her!’ She’d whine.

“I don’t know why the fuck,” she starts, as she fiddles with the zipper on the cropped bubble coat in an attempt to get it off, “you got me waiting outside,” and at this point, you’ve already reached onto the back seat and grabbed your hoodie, the only one of yours she’ll ever wear because, of course, it’s your favorite one, and it’s just big enough for her, “and it’s cold as fuck outside!”

Once her coat is off and tossed into the back seat, she all but snatches the soft hoodie from your hand and tugs it over her upper half. “Manners much, lil’ girl?”

“Shut the fuck up and get to drivin’,” Riri shoots back, tugging on the strings of the hood of your sweater, closing it tight until only her eyes and nose are visible. She’s even chucked her Ugg boots off, opting to tucking her feet under herself, practically sitting criss-cross in the passenger seat.

“Where the hell am I even goin’?” You retort, starting the engine to your car, “You just called me and said pull up, ain’t tell me shit ‘bout nothin’ else!”

“To Navy Pier!” Riri responds, “The fireworks are tonight, remember?”

“No, I don’t remember, ‘cus you ain’t tell me nothin’!”

The bickering between you two could last for ages, but apparently, Riri was stretched for time, and she was also hungry, and a hungry Riri was not a fun Riri.

“Okay, fine, sorry, but we gotta go! They start in like forty-five minutes and traffic’s already shit!” She whines, tugging on your arm like a toddler begging for candy. You roll your eyes, playfully of course, as you pull out of the parking spot and start driving down the road.

“Have you even eaten yet, while you in here barking demands ‘nd shit?” You ask, your free hand instinctively going to rest on the cushion of her thigh, your thumb softly kneading into it. Glancing out of the corner of your eye, you see she’s busying herself by connecting her phone to your car’s Bluetooth feature. No doubt she’s about to turn on some Summer Walker or SZA, as she’s been listening to those two artists a lot as of recent.

“Uhh…” her voice trailing off is enough of an answer for you, and as you pull up to an intersection, instead of turning left which would have taken you to the expressway, you turn right - right into the McDonald’s that sits on the corner.

Of course, Riri is groaning about how you’re gonna be late for the fireworks show, but you’d rather deal with her being upset over that then her being upset because she’s hungry. Only one of those is actually tolerable.

“Shut up, you’re the one that can’t seem to feed yourself,” You scold the other girl as you pull up to the drive through. You recite to the person over the intercom your orders - a ten piece chicken nugget meal for the engineer in your passenger seat, and for you just a fry and a drink.

“It’s not my fault!” Riri protests as you pull up to the payment window, handing the fast food worker your card. “Really? How come it ain’t then?”

And in the few minutes that Riri finds herself trying to come up with a lie to satisfy your scolding eyes, your order is ready. You place her bag of food in her lap, yours in your own, and your drinks in the cup holders.

You notice quickly the silence that befalls the car once you’ve pulled off from the restaurant, to which you peer over to Riri in the passenger seat. “Keep talking, I’m listening,” you say.

Riri looks up from the bag she’s fiddling with, trying to fish out a few fries to satisfy her growling stomach until you both get to the pier. “Right- Um, so I was workin’ on this AI thing - uh, artificial intelligence; think of it like a computer that can talk back you-”

“So, like, a robot…?”

“Just shut up and listen!”

Soon enough you’d pulled into an empty parking lot by the lakefront, close enough to the pier so that you’d be able to see the fireworks at a good proximity. It was a cheap alternative to having to pay to get into the show itself, plus it made for better intimacy.

You and Riri sat in the back seat of the car, allowing more room for comfort. She’s put on one of her playlists - there was a song by H.E.R. playing low on the speakers - and you had a fresh blunt in hand. The window on your side was cracked a little to allow the smoke to escape and not cloud in Riri’s face, and despite her occasional complaints of the chilly wind that would pass through, she knew it was necessary.

She’s cuddled up to you; her arms wrapped around your own as she took interest in the tattoo sleeve that riddled your arm. Different designs, multiple lines to trace, the stories they held.

The reason why they were there.

Your mind begins to muddle once more as you take another drag from your blunt, the sting in your lungs the only thing telling you that you were alive, that you were capable of feeling. That, and the dull feeling of Riri’s acrylics tracing your skin, intrigued.

“Y’know, you never told me exactly why you got these,” She mutters.

Your hand, which held Riri’s legs over your lap, with your thumb which kneaded into the meat of her calf, stopped in its motion.

“Just wanted somethin’ different,” You muuttered, taking another pull from your blunt.

“Nah, i’on believe that,” Riri replied, as she started tracing a particular part of your arm. “You have a reason for everything.”

Your chest became tight as she continued to poke and prod at that one spot, intrigued by the design chosen to take its place. “Damn, this must’ve hurt.”

The tattoo, no. But the scar under it? It still left a mark only visible to you. And the pain from it never truly left you.

“Stop fucking throwing shit at me!”

You’re sure the neighbors could hear your pleas, but whether they cared enough or not to call the police for you, you wouldn’t know.

“Why the fuck were you with her!?”

You stood behind the couch, your only defense as you refused to lay a hand on your ex. She stood on the other side with a deranged look in her eyes, a look you’d never seen before. You’d never have thought that her jealousy to reach this feat.

At first, you found it endearing. Her possessiveness, the need to let others know that you were hers. It made you feel wanted, loved.

But as she stands across from you, enraged at the fact that you spent the afternoon with your cousin, the one you had told her about numerous times, the one she even met, the one you had told her you had plans of seeing her this weekend when she got into town, opened your eyes for what it truly was.

Your ex was, for lack of better words, psychotic.

“That was my fucking cousin! The one I been told you about!” You shouted back at her. “You fucking met her a couple months ago!”

“Oh, sure, your fucking cousin!” The woman shrieks as she chucks another random object in her vicinity towards you. You managed to block it with your arms, but the second it took to distract with it, the woman made a dash for you. There was something else in her hand now - a much more sinister weapon.

A pocket knife.

“Baby, baby please,” You begged as your ex inched closer and closer to you, ready to strike. You still refused to defend yourself physically, not if it meant you had to hurt her in the process. “Put the fucking knife down- just listen to me-”

There was a shriek, which followed a hard thud on the floor, which was now painted in your blood.

You hurriedly snatched your hand away from Riri’s prying ones, and in an attempt to keep your cool, opted to drape it around her shoulders instead. It brung her closer to you, so she didn’t complain, but the suddenness of the action left her with questions.

“That is the reason. Just wanted somethin’ different.” You reiterated, dragging out another pull from your blunt. It was a deeper inhale than the others before, which made your lungs sting even more, but you needed to forget.

You needed to forget that night. It made you feel too much. And right now, You didn’t want to feel anything. You couldn’t bear to feel anything. You just…couldn’t.

“Hey,” Riri’s voice sounded, as she looks up at you from your side, “It’s me, (Y/N). You know you can talk to me.”

Her words made you look down at her. And for a moment, you consider it. You consider telling her the origins of your sleeve, the origins on most of the tattoos that littered your body. Maybe that would alleviate some of the overwhelming pressure that sat heavy in your chest, in your heart. But the very thought of it had your chest closing in, your eyes prickling with tears, and your body trembling. The thought of remembering it all, reliving it all, feeling everything, everywhere, all at once. It was too much to bear, too much, too much, too much-

Without thinking, your blunt meets your lips again, and the sweet sting to your lungs and the fog that muddles your brain calms your heartbeat. You look at Riri and sigh, turning back to the lightshow before you.

“Maybe next time, Ri,” you murmur, your free hand going back to massaging her legs. You feel her body relax into you. You wish yours could do the same.

“You wanted to talk?”

Up until a year ago, the only thing you could depend on was your music and a blunt.

Until Riri Williams came into your life.

It was interesting, really, the story of how you two met. Having taken interest in one another at a park all those months ago, you two became fast friends. From late night drives to fast food runs, to even helping her raid junkyards for her engineering projects, you two would do almost everything together.

Until one night, when an alcohol-influenced kiss changed the course of everything.

“Yeah,” you reply, busying yourself around your kitchen, trying to act like you were preparing some semblance of a breakfast for yourself. As much as you got on Riri for not eating, you didn’t need the same lecture returned to you. At least, not today.

“Was just gonna tell you I probably won’t be on my phone that much,” you add on, pausing your fiddling to direct all your attention onto the small frame of your phone, where a sleepy Riri currently was pictured.

Damn, she was cute. The way her eyes were half-lidded, riddled with sleep; the way her short bob-length butterfly locks framed her face; the realization that she had another one of your hoodies that she wore to bed. This girl was depleting your hoodie collection, and you didn’t like that.

Frankly, there were a lot of things Riri did to you that you didn’t like. But they never stopped you from coming back to her.

“Is that my hoodie, lil’ girl?” You question with a raised eyebrow, to which the girl on the other releases a small hum in response.

“Mmm, no…” Riri replies, but you know it’s a lie. She does too, which is why she’s trying to cover herself up with her blanket.

“Yeah, okay,” because there was no way you were getting her to admit she stole one of your hoodies again, but at least you knew it was somewhere safe and in good use.

“Did you hear me, ma?”

“Mhm…”

“Ri, what did i say?”

“You not gon’ be on your phone, I heard you.”

“Aight. I’ll call you tonight, let you know what’s up, okay?”

“Mhm…”

There was no use in getting any real words out of Riri this early in the morning, so you just took her word for it and bid her farewell. The engineer said her goodbyes in possibly the softest, sweetest tone you’d ever heard from her. It made your heart hurt to hang up on her, but you knew that it was better this way.

Your head had been a mess lately. It gets bad like this whenever certain months of the year come around. These particular months, your body has associated with the horrible exes that plagued your existence, and the horrible things they’ve done to you.

Of course Riri knew of your exes - though much sooner than what you had intended on. She had did something to accidentally triggered you and it sent you into a spiral of heavy breathing and cursing, lashing out at the girl unintentionally. To this day, it’s one of the things you heavily regret happening to her. You’d never raised your voice at Riri, never once shied away from her touch or spoke to her in a disrespectful manner. But that night, too much was happening all at once, and her saying the word ‘stupid’ in your general vicinity was what caused everything to spill out.

Though you shouldn’t, another memory protrudes your thoughts, unwelcomed, of the ex that ruined your sense of self.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

It’s a question you didn’t care to answer, as the answer to it had been said numerous times before. And frankly, you weren’t in the mood to argue.

“...so you just not gon’ respond to me?”

“I told you already. Dinner party for my grandma.”

“You ain’t say shit about your grandma, (Y/N),”

You turn away from the mirror to face the woman on the bed, scrolling mindlessly on her phone, somehow finding the concentration to do that and try to start an argument with you. Which you’ve done your best to avoid, but knowing her, she’d pick something small to blow up over.

“I very much did. And I’m not about to argue with you about this. I’m trying to enjoy the night with my grandma, and I refuse to have it ruined.”

“Oh, so I’m spoiling your mood now?”

Fuck, you fell for it. A sigh pushes its way through your lips as you make your way to the edge of the bed to grab your phone and keys.

She was muttering under her breath and you honestly couldn’t care to react to her right now. Your mind was on your family dinner, and you wanted to at least look a little happy when you greeted your grandmother. But she was making it very difficult to be passive.

“You not even listening to me! This the stupid ass shit I’m talking about, I’m tryna talk to you and you just walking away.”

By this point, you’d made it to the living room of your apartment, sitting on the bench at the foyer to lace up your boots you chose to wear for the evening. And yet, the woman beside you would not stop her taunting.

“You know, you lucky I put up with your bullshit. You’re so fucking stupid you don’t even realize I can leave right out this bitch and not come back! Then who you gon’ call when you need somebody? Cuz it sure as fuck wont be me-”

“Then leave.”

“Excuse me?”

As your putting on your coat, stuffing the pockets with your necessities - phone, wallet, keys - you turn to look at the woman who had been shouting obscenities at you since you woke up this morning.

“If I’m such a horrible girlfriend who can't seem to satisfy you, why are you still here?”

“Well, obviously, because I fucking love you, you dumbass!”

“Nah, you don’t love me,” you replied, twisting the knob to the front door, “You love what I can do for you. But I’m done with your shit.”

“Who do you think you’re talking to-”

“I’m serious this time. I’m done. I’m tired of it, and I’m done.”

And the door closes on another relationship as you exit your apartment. But in an effort to put on a strong face for your grandmother, you suck up the tears, and walk down the stairs to your car.

The surround sound in your living room now blasts SZA, an artist you never thought you’d catch yourself listening to, but due to your consistent presence around Riri, the genre of music rubbed off on you.

It’s a song called ‘Shirt’, with a hypnotic base and lyrics that you’ve been relating to all too much these past few days. Especially when you find yourself reopening a text message from a number you should have long deleted.

“I miss you, baby. I know I did you wrong, but I’m ready for us again. Can we please talk? I know you still have my number. I love you <3”

You replace your phone with a new blunt, a sigh escaping your lips. After lighting the dark green-ish roll, you lean back into the comfort of your couch. Yet, you don’t take a drag from the joint. You just watch the light red embers around the rim of the blunt slowly burn down it’s length. You let the music consume you, with the base so powerful it influences the beat of your heart, and the lyrics hitting too close to home.

With an intake of air, you allow the music, and your emotions, to consume you.

“Riri, I do not know about this…”

“Relax, it’ll be fine, I’ll tell her before she gets too upset.”

Shuri’s concern fell on deaf ears as Riri was finding a hiding place for the pack of blunts in her hand. Though she knew she’d probably get a talking to for her little stunt, the opportunity was too good to pass up.

Riri had been staying at your apartment for the weekend since her mother was out of town, and with the engineer not wanting to be alone in her mothers absence, you allowed her to come over. You were comfortable enough with Riri to let her into your space, to which she was greatly appreciative of. Though your home was a great contrast to the childhood bungalow she grew up in, with it’s modern grey finishes, black appliances, and overall sleek look, there was a warm and welcoming feel to it. Riri was surprised to feel so welcomed, being that it was her first time coming over to your place since the two of you started talking.

“Those TikTok trends will get you in trouble, friend,” Shuri says, the sigh in her voice audible through the cellular device. “If she is as dependent on those cannabis-rolls as you describe, I do not think hiding her source of sanity will be a good idea for a prank.”

“Oh my god, for once please say blunts. I’m begging you, for my own sake,”

“I cannot! It does not sound right!”

“And neither do cannabis-rolls, it sounds like cinnamon rolls’ suspicious cousin!”

“You just refuse to listen to reason, don’t you?”

Riri was silent on her hand, though Shuri could hear small grunts, of which she assumed to be because the other scientist had finally found a place worthy of hiding the pack of blunts.

“She won’t be too mad. She can’t stay at me, she never does. Imma just tell her where they are before she gets too upset, and all will be good!”

“...and that is how you tell her you love her? By hiding something important of hers? My, you Americans have a very weird way of showing affection.”

Riri scoffed at Shuri’s accusation, rolling her eyes as she returned to her place on the couch in the living room. “First of all, miss ma’am, it’s called having a bit of fun! I’ve got it under control.”

That wasn’t an entire lie. Riri had a good understanding of your behaviors and actions - at least, she thought she did - and while she didn’t take advantage of the soft spot you had for her, she did have a habit of letting her intrusive thoughts get the better of her. There was no telling how this would play out, but Riri was ever the optimist, and was sure that nothing would get too out of hand.

“And don’t be talking like you ain’t got no lil’ boo thang you don’t get weird around! I be seeing how you look at your phone on Facetime.~”

Before Shuri could respond to Riri’s incredulous accusation, the sound of the front door opening caught the attention of the two genius women. Riri whispered a quick goodbye to the Wakandan royal before quickly hanging up her phone, taking a laying position on the couch, and pretended to be surfing Netflix as you came back into the apartment.

“You know you’re expensive as shit, lil’ girl.” You huff, as you plop down the bags of food on the coffee table before Riri. She had purposefully sent you to get seafood so that she would have enough time to scour your home and get familiar with the place, as well as to plan out her prank. And maybe because she wanted some seafood as well. She knew the effect of her puppy dog eyes on you, and it worked every single time.

She feigned a gasp as she sat up, a smile from ear to ear plastering itself on her face. “Aww, you do love me!”

Riri watches as you head into the kitchen to get some additional utensils. Now all that was left was to play the waiting game.

Since your return, things had been chill. Riri had put on a Disney movie and the two of you dug right into your food. That, however, was two hours ago, and its just now that you decide to leave the living room to go to your room, for what Riri assumed was your blunts. And when you came back out with a weird look on your face, the engineer knew that the real clock had just started.

From then, Riri could tell you weren’t really focusing on the next movie being played. Your eyes may have physically been on the screen, but your mind wasn’t there. Three hours in, your knee began shaking, whether it was out of frustration or just as a form of stimulus, Riri couldn’t quite tell.

Four hours in, and Riri started to notice how you were creating more and more distance from her. She had been giving Shuri the play by play at this point, to which the Wakandan Royal was already preparing her ‘I told you so’s to the young engineer. You went back into your room again, this time for longer. Riri knew that you now knew your joints were missing from your nightstand. She could hear the rustling and movement of objects from your room. Anxiety began to pool in her stomach. Though determined to see things through to the end, she’d sat her phone up in a position she thought not so visible to record the interaction.

At this point, five hours had passed, and you were becoming noticeably restless. Not having the one thing that could keep you calm and collected around Riri was driving you insane. You knew you put your blunts on your nightstand, you had pre-rolled them before you went to pick Riri up from her house that afternoon. You were certain that they were there when you left, and the fact that they weren’t made your anxiety spike.

“Riri!” You called from your room, actively breathing in and out to try and ground yourself from the tightness that was forming in your chest.

Riri jumped a bit when you called her name. It was loud, and uncommon for your voice to be at that volume. “Y-Yeah?”

Riri saw you come out of your room, and your entire demeanor has changed. Riri had only ever known you to be this cool, stoic person, who always had a handle on things. Besides that one night where she accidentally triggered you, this was the first time she’s seen you so…rigged.

“Did you see a pack of blunts anywhere?”

Maybe Shuri was right, Riri thought, as now there was guilt also pooling in her stomach from the sight of you agitated.

“No…no I don’t think so-”

You barely gave her enough time to respond before you started searching the television stand. Perhaps you had moved it last minute, you thought, but the surface of the furniture gave away no clues. You then made a beeline for the kitchen, thinking that maybe you could have misplaced the pack there when grabbing your keys off the countertop.

Riri got up from the couch, approaching your searching figure. “It ain’t too late, maybe call your plug or somethin’?”

The utensils drawer you let go of closed a bit too loudly, at least, louder than Riri had expected.

“My plug is out of town,” you told her, exiting the kitchen via the other side of the island that rested in the middle. Your next target of search was the couch - maybe it had slipped between the cushion, “he won’t be back ‘til tomorrow, and those were the last two blunts i had till then.”

Damn. Riri fucked up.

Throughout your search the engineer could tell how visibly worked up you were becoming. Agitation in the way that you walked, anxiousness in your voice. And then your next words brought absolute dread to Riri.

“Why is your phone sat up like that?”

Shit. She was caught.

“Uhm…”

“Ri, are you fucking with me right now?”

Riri didn’t like the tone in your voice. It was a tone you never held with her. One of anger, and hurt. “Are you tryna play a fucking prank on me?”

“Okay, okay, okay, before you get mad-”

“Riri, I’m not gon’ ask you again-”

“I was just tryna be funny-”

“Where is my shit, Riri?”

Your words had begun to overlap, and nothing the two of you were speaking were reaching each others ears. Quite frankly, you were hurt. You didn’t think Riri of all people would pull something like this. It didn’t take a genius to know that you smoked for a reason, and the reason being to cope. A stranger could have put two and two together, what could have motivated Riri to do something so careless and inconsiderate?

At some point in your word exchange, Riri became less sorry and more upset, defensive. “It ain’t like you’ll die without them, (Y/N),” she scoffed, and her words made you suck your teeth in annoyance.

“Because you don’t understand, Ri-”

“What do you mean, ‘I don’t understand’-”

“-just tell me where my shit is!-”

“-naw, tell me what I don’t understand, (Y/N)! You don’t talk to me enough to understand shit!”

“Why can’t you just tell me where my blunts are! What the fuck is so hard about that!?”

“I’ll tell you when you tell me what the fuck I don’t understand, (Y/N)-”

All of a sudden, a loud crash broke the yelling match that your exchange had broken into. It happened too fast for you to register, but the broken vase that laid on your floor next to your feet spoke enough volumes that your voice could not convey.

“You wanna know what you don’t fucking understand, Ri?!” The volume in your voice caused the other woman to go quiet, a lump forming her throat.

“You don’t understand that I love you, okay? I love you, but I can’t love you, and I can’t love you because I love you-”

There was a pause in your outburst, and when Riri went to open her mouth and release an involuntary ‘what’, you cut her off.

“You make me feel shit that I can’t fucking deal with- I can’t deal with it, cuz I don’t know how! You do little shit, and-and part of me wants to let that shit in but I can’t! Cuz ain’t nobody every do the shit you do to me, make me feel the way you make me feel! All I fucking know is hurt, and pain, and mu’fuckers never doin’ right by me, and you fucking know that! And it’s too much for me to comprehend, too much for me to fucking feel and the only way I can deal with it is with my fucking weed!”

To say that Riri was shocked was an understatement. The guilt that she was feeling was stronger than anything she had ever felt before. Of course, her intentions were never to hurt you or to cause you to have another meltdown, but her actions and language had said otherwise. She had truly fucked up.

“So please, for the last fucking time, just tell me where my shit is, Ri!”

There was a long silence that followed after that. Riri could not look at you, too riddled with guilt to face you head on. And for the first time since your outburst, you noticed just how small and closed in she made herself.

“....behind your game…in the tv stand cabinet…” her voice came out small, meek, as she forced herself to speak and give you the directions to the hidden pack of blunts.

Within the second, you’d went back to the TV stand, retrieved your blunt packets, and Riri heard your footsteps trail off into the distance. Her body flinched as you slammed the front door behind you, leaving Riri to stand alone in the living room in a deafening silence from the mess she created.

Half an hour had passed with you outside, but you could care less about the concept of time. The cold had since penetrated your thin hoodie, but it was a while before your skin could actually feel it, as you were still heated from your argument with Riri. Now that you were in a rational state of mind - as rational as one could be with their mind muddled with cannabis - you replayed the exchange like a loop in your head. The things you did, the words you said.

You’d laid everything bare, and not in the way that you wanted to.

You took a drag from your blunt, your lungs oddly welcoming the sting that accompanied the intake of smoke. Having not smoked at all that day, the thought of it being fresh air to you was ironic, especially with the crisp winter breeze that was competing with the cannabis smoke for room in your lungs. Your head found refuge in your hands, struggling to hold back the tears you desperately wanted to cry, but the voice in your head told you to hold in. The same voice that told you to uphold this stoic persona for protection, and yet, you think it’s actually hurt you more than anything else.

The front door to your apartment building opens behind you as you sit on the steps. While there’s no snow on the ground, there's a light flurry of snowflakes swirling in the wind.

Riri is behind you, hesitant, with a blanket wrapped around her, but big enough for the both of you.

“It’s cold out here,” she speaks, though not confidently like usually, as she slowly approaches your sitting form. When she sees she meets no resistance, she chooses to sit next to you, albeit keeping a slight space between the two of you. She drapes the blanket around your shoulders, and although you don’t show much of a response, she hopes that you’re thankful for the added layer of protection against the cold.

“I’m….I’m sorry, (Y/N)...” Riri confesses. “It was just supposed to be a joke, I didn’t-...I didn’t think shit through…shouldn’t have done it in the first place…”

Without a word, you stood up, letting the blanket fall onto the place you once sat. Your feet took you a few feet away from the staircase of the brownstone apartment building, smoke escaping from your lips as you took another pull of your blunt.

Riri stood up as well, taking the discarded part of the blanket and wrapping it back around herself. “I know I said some shit I shouldn’t have said, okay? It was stupid- I was stupid, and I’m sorry, okay…can you please say something?”

What could you say? What did you want to say? A moment of silence passed before you turned your body to face the engineer that stood on the steps.

She looked beautiful. The snowflakes that made a home in her butterfly locs, her pink nose becoming even more rosy from the cold. A simple appearance to anyone else, but absolutely ethereal to you. It made your chest hurt.

“I’mma be real with you, Ri,” you began, twirling the blunt in your hands with a sigh, “I don’t know what you see in me.”

It was true; till this day you still had no clue why the engineer was even attracted to you. Physical appearance could only go so far, and after a year of talking, what could you had possibly given to Riri for her to like?

“I’m a fucking mess. I can’t even think without a blunt in my hands. I can’t love myself; love is a concept that’s been fucked up for me for the longest…I feel fucking broken because I can’t return the simplest of affection to you, when you do it like it’s nothin’...what could I have possibly given to you for you to stick around for a year and not get tired of me and my bullshit?”

You hadn’t realized that Riri had moved from her position on the steps, and was now in front of you. The engineer reached for your free hand, holding it close to her chest. You could feel her heartbeat, the muscle pounding furiously in her chest.

“It ain’t bullshit, (Y/N),” She starts, and your immediate reaction is to scoff but the eye contact that she holds with you is so unmoving, your body forgets about the action, “and you’re not broken…you’re hurt. And I hate the bitches that did this shit to you, made you think this way, because you’re not, do you hear me?”

Her words create a tightness in your throat, and now, there’s a wetness on your face that isn’t coming from the snowflakes that land on your cheeks.

“I love you…I love you because I know deep down under all that hurt, and pain, and wanting to hide, and being scared of love…there’s a heart in there. Its hiding because it don’t want shit to repeat, but I promise you, if you let me have it…if you let me have your heart…I can make all that go away.”

It was a tempting offer, really. One that you’d kill to hear over and over and over again, but Riri gave it to you without even having to ask. It made you wonder just how much had she given to you, and you were to busy shielding yourself to realize it?

“...you mean that?”

“Would I be out here in the freezin’ fucking cold with you if I didn’t?”

Her words brought some semblance of a laugh from your lips. Your hand began to move on its own - you watched as it broke free from Riri’s hands and instead went to caress her face. It was a small act of affection, but for you it was something incredibly big and hard to do. Yet, there wasn’t a strain in your actions, nor hesitancy. It felt…right.

Your gaze went between the blunt in one hand, and Riri who occupied the other. Gulping down the lump in your throat, your gaze refocused back onto Riri, staring right into her chocolate brown eyes.

“I’m about to do something,” You said, “I’m about to do something, and it’s been a long time since I did it, and-”

“Baby,” Riri interjects, and the pet name she uses for you sent a wave of shivers throughout your body. You couldn’t remember the last time that happened to you. “You ain’t gotta tell me…just do it.”

Your gaze went back to the blunt in your hands, burning away, the smoke from it easily getting lost in the wind. With a deep breath, you tossed the joint onto the concrete ground beneath you, take Riri’s face into both your hands, and brung her in for a kiss you waited a year too long to give her.

Up until a year ago, the only thing you could rely on was your music and a blunt.

But as you stand in the December snow, kissing the woman who you’d been too afraid to give your heart to, a realization comes to you.

The realization that maybe, you could open your heart once more. Maybe you could depend on Riri Williams, too.

If you enjoyed, please leave a like, comment, and reblog for others to see! And don’t be shy to send in a request!