#again im sorry if this is just the cab talking

[humhowellujah]

🚗 for the ask game!

🚗 would you trust them to drive you somewhere?

since neither of them actively drive i'll still be generous and say they could realistically get me from point A to point B VERY carefully but tbh even if i'm damn near incapacitated i'm not asking an uncoordinated gay who hasn't driven in years to get behind the wheel. there is life left in my soul that i want to explore

-

dnp ask game!

[taesanrot]

[van gogh] sungchan x f!reader | 2.7k words sneaky links/relationship, office romance ish, kind of just a slice of life if that makes sense, smut! (making out, oral f. receiving, tongue fucking .... they get freaky) syn. during the daytime, jung sungchan is nothing but another colleague at your job. to everyone's knowledge, the two of you are pretty much strangers. but in the late hours of the weekends, it's sungchan who meets you at the end of nights filled with parties and clubs. note. im back !!! after 30 million years 💗 uni has been rough sorry guys. anyways here’s another song fic hehe. this was supposed to be my first one actually but i forgot about it for like ever.

now playing: van gogh by aminé

"tell me where to go when the party 'gon close, after party shawty she don't wanna go home"

sungchan waved his drunken friends off as they clambered into the first cab they could hail. anton looked at sungchan once again, asking if he should stay with his eyes. sungchan smiled and shook his head at the younger male, checking the time on his silver plated watch.

it was almost 2 am, you were probably in the same position as him, sending your friends off back to their own apartments. sungchan had just enough luck to catch a glimpse of you in the club you were both at.

he was mesmerized by your shimmery dress, shivering as he remembered how he nearly fainted when he caught the outline of your collarbone under the flickering lights of the nightclub.

the tall male was lighting a cigarette when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket.

[1:59 a.m.] y/n: wya

[2:00 a.m.] sungchan: 9th and valentina

[2:00 a.m.] y/n: omw

sungchan leaned back against the brick wall behind him, taking a long drag from the cigarette. he knew you'd nag him when you saw the cig, complaining that the smell bothered you. sungchan smiled softly thinking of your protests. he knew you nagged him about it because you cared about him, whether or not you'd admit it.

the clicking of your silver heels caught sungchan's attention, and he whipped his head in your direction. tossing his dart on the ground, the boy gave you and half smile and walked in your direction.

now standing face to face with sungchan, you didn't miss the way he shamelessly eyed you up and down.

"pretty dress." compliments rolled off his tongue whenever he was around you; sometimes sungchan swore you cast a spell on him

he smiled down at you. you rolled your eyes, bringing your hand up to link your arm with his.

"it's new." you replied teasingly, waving an arm in the air the hail a cab. as quick as you linked your arm with his, sungchan retracted his arm from yours, sliding it around your waist so you were flush against his side. you felt his breath fan on your neck as he pressed a light kiss behind your ear.

"missed you." he whispered, smirking as he felt you shiver slightly.

a cab arrived before you could respond, and sungchan opened the car door for you, hand never leaving the small of your back until you were fully seated in the vehicle.

over your dress, sungchans fingers traced the lines of your tattoo, the one on your lower back that almost no one knew about. scooting into the car, he watched you lean forward to give the driver directions to your house. 

sungchan wondered if your roommate, giselle, would be home or if the two of you would be alone. he felt you press into his side and lay your head on his chest once you finished talking to the driver, his arm wrapping around your frame like it was second nature for him. no matter what, he always found his hand settling in the dip in your side, like it was being pulled by a magnet.

looking at your eyes that fluttered shut, sungchan chuckled slightly. you tilted your face up at him, feeling his chest rumble against you.

“tired?” he teased, smoothing down part of your hair. you pouted slightly and shook your head in protest.

“no i’m not” sungchan smiled at you again in the way that made your stomach explode with butterflies as he leaned down to leave a peck on your lips. 

“it’s okay baby, i’ll wake you up when we’re there.” he shrugged off his jacket to drop it around your almost bare shoulders. lacing a hand with yours, he let you adjust yourself slightly to rest against his shoulder.

sungchan thought you looked the prettiest in moments like this, when you weren’t thinking about anything. your lashes laid delicately on your cheeks as your chest rose up and down slowly. he reveled in the sight of his jacket wrapped around you.

even if no one in the office knew about your romance, sungchan knew you were his and he was yours. he secretly loved the sneaking around, feeling like it added a little but of excitement to your boring work days. 

the two of you would act sneaky for no reason, leaving at different times to talk to each other near bathroom or take your coffee breaks together. 

even when you went out, you’d go with your respective friend groups, meeting up after they were done migrating from club to club. 

sungchan looked down at your intertwined fingers. at the end of the night, it was him you’d come back to, it was him who’d take you home.

as the taxi came to a stop, sungchan pinched your cheek slightly. you whined at the contact but moved to get out of the car. sungchan paid the driver and the two of you stepped out together, sungchan’s hand falling back to the small of your back as you kept his jacket wrapped around your shoulders. 

the ride up to your floor was short, the two of you were at your front door within a minute of entering your complex. you shoved your keys into the lock and shoved the door open impatiently, wanting to get your dress and makeup off. 

“aeri?” your voice cut through the silence of the apartment. the lack of response and the empty hook where her keys usually hung told you she wasn’t home.

sungchan smiled and pulled you towards your bedroom, kicking off his shoes lazily. you grinned as he pushed open your bedroom door, throwing his jacket onto the bed.

pushing you against your now closed door, he lowered his face to the curve of your neck, placing open mouthed kisses down to your shoulders. his hand played with the thin straps of your dress, watching how the slid off your shoulders easily. before he could tug it off of you completely, you tapped his shoulder, prompting him to look up at you.

“let me wash my face baby, my makeup.” your boyfriend pouted dramatically but stepped away from you so you could walk over to the bathroom.

as you changed and washed off your makeup, sungchan changed in your room, retrieving clothes from the bottom drawer of your dresser -- the one that was reserved just for him.

as you were rinsing off the last of your makeup, sungchan opened the door of the bathroom, grabbing both his and your toothbrushes and squeezing paste onto them. you sat on the counter and sungchan stood between your legs as you brushed your teeth. 

you ran your fingers through his fluffy hair, stomach flipping at the way he lazily leaned into your touch. his free hand came up to rub circles on your upper thigh, making you almost choke on your spit. sungchan smirked at the way you tensed, moving his hand up to play with the hem of your shirt.

you rolled your eyes at his antics, sliding off the counter to rinse your mouth. pushing the bathroom door open, you slipped into bed, sitting up against the headboard and scrolling through your phone. you laughed at some drunk texts from your coworkers. you hadn't drank much, and the lingering buzz from earlier was slowly slipping away.

sungchan walked out of the bathroom soon after, closing the door gently and turning your room lights off. your eyes could barely make out his large frame in the dark room, the only light coming from the streetlights outside and your phone screen.

you were still scrolling through some messages and emails when your boyfriend plucked your phone out of your hands, switching it off and placing it on the nightstand next to you.

he pulled you onto his lap, not giving you a moment to react. you giggled, tilting your head at him as his hooded eyes ran up and down your skin, stopping at the curve of your neck.

"what's up baby?" you asked, grinning. you could read sungchan like a book. he hummed in response, in a daze as his hands toyed with the hem of your shirt once again. you looked down at his fingers as they slipped under the fabric, running over your sides. you involuntarily shivered at how cold they were, and you felt your stomach burn with anticipation.

sungchan's other hand held your face gently, tilting your chin so you were looking at him again. he thumbed your bottom lip slightly, watching as your mouth wrapped around the tip of it delicately.

you enjoyed watching him breathe in shakily, knowing the effect you had on him. moving your legs to straddle him, you felt something poke against your center. sungchan moaned at the sudden pressure, pulling your face so he could meet your lips with his.

you gasped into the kiss, relishing the way his tongue slid into your mouth fervently. your hands landed on his neck, fingers tugging at the hair on his nape. his mouth melted into yours as he tilted his face to deepen the kiss even more.

you whimpered, feeling his hands roam under your shirt lazily. one hand pressed against the bottom of your spine, making your back curve into him slightly. the other massaged the skin of your thigh, moving closer and closer to where your clothed bodies met.

you were already sensitive, the feeling of sungchan shifting slightly underneath you making your breathing shallow.

his fingers danced along the waistband of your shorts, while his other hand stroked up and down your thigh. his light touches and the way he bit your lip were already making your head spin.

painstakingly slow, his hand at your waistband slowly slipped into your shorts, brushing against your clothed clit before applying pressure to your center over your panties. you broke away from his lips in favor of pressing your face into his neck, moaning into his soft skin. he ran his fingertips up and down your covered slit a few times before moving past your panties to feel your slick. noting how wet you were already, he chuckled.

“all this for me, baby?” you couldn’t see the smile on his face but you could hear it in his voice as you weakly nodded against his shoulder. you were aching in anticipation, almost screaming when sungchan pulled his hand out of your shorts. you watched impatiently as he licked his fingers, before bringing a hand up to tuck a strand on your hair back.

“wanna taste more.” he groaned into your ear, making you shudder.

“lay down for me?” you happily obliged, lifting yourself off his lap and laying your head on your pillow.

sungchan moved so he was hovering over you, placing a heavy hand on your hip. the sight of you under him was something straight of out sungchan’s dreams, your hair fanning around your face and small marks decorating your neck and chest.

he lowered his face to your neck, pressing wet kisses down the side as you writhed underneath him. his other hand pushed your flimsy tank up so he could see your boobs, latching his mouth around the right one.

"you always look so pretty when we go out. boosting my ego baby."

you moaned as his hot tongue pressed against your harden bud, back arching up to meet his face. he massaged your other boob, tweaking your nipple with his finger and basking in all of the pretty sounds you were making.

"always the prettiest girl in the room. and you're all mine."

he slowly but surely moved lower, kissing and licking your stomach. his hands hooked around the waistband of your shorts, and he pulled them and your panties off of you gently.

sungchan throbbed in his pants at the sight of you, your cami pushed up and your heat all bare for him. your eyes were screwed shut in anticipation, and he had to bite his lip to keep a laugh from escaping at the sight of you all pent up for him.

you were a mess, head thrown back against the pillow. you lost the ability to think straight a while ago, barely being able to control the noises you were making.

“please.” you whined quietly. you didn’t even realize what you said, and you definitely didn’t hear sungchan chuckling at your frenzied state.

placing his hands on your hips, he leaned in to brush your inner thigh with his lips, nibbling at the soft skin lightly. usually, he’d take his time with you, starting at your knee and kissing up your legs. he’d press kisses on the outside of your folds and the edges of your heat, and watch as your grip tightened on the sheets or in his hair. however, sungchan decided that he was feeling a bit more generous tonight.

before you could even ask him to stop teasing you, he pressed a deep kiss to your clit. a moan ripped through you, thighs twitching slightly. your legs already began to close instinctively, and sungchan looked up at you briefly before hooking his arms around your thighs both to keep them apart and pull you closer to his face. he had a wicked glint in his eyes as he looked up at you, basking in all the sounds and twitches coming from your pretty self.

his lips gingerly wrapped around your clit and you grabbed the closest thing to your hand, crumpling the sheets in your fist. sungchan’s arm looped around your knee and his hand found your heat easily. he pulled the skin above your clit slightly so he could hit the sensitive spot underneath, the spot that made profanities spill from your lips.

you bit your lip and screwed your eyes shut as his mouth and kisses travelled lower, his warm tongue swiping through the wetness of your slit. you couldn’t stop your lower half from jerking upwards, and sungchan’s free hand pinned your hips down to the mattress beneath you.

as his tongue breached your wet hole and his thumb rubbed your clit mercilessly, you cried out, back arching upwards. your head was spinning and stars were dancing on the back of your eyelids, and sungchan glanced up at you, watching as your mouth opened and no sound came out. you wanted to tell him keep going, to tell him how good he was making you feel. but your mind was melting at the way his mouth felt against you, and you were lost in him.

sungchan’s tongue flexed in and out of you, just the way you liked. he flicked it upwards every time he thrusted it into you, brushing your walls with the wet muscle.

"fuck- sungchan i'm gonna-" you could barely choke out words, drowning in the overwhelming stimulation.

you felt the knot in your stomach building at a gradual pace as your legs began to tense. sungchan’s pressure on your clit increased, revolutions only speeding up until you cried out his name, vision going white. your orgasm hit you like a truck, your walls fluttering around sungchan’s tongue and thighs shaking uncontrollably. all you could see was white as sungchan fucked you through your high with his tongue.

as you came back to earth, you looked down to see your boyfriend licking his lips sinfully, eyes hungry as he moved up to hover over you. brushing a finger down your cheek, he traced your lips with his fingertips, breath stolen from his body as you slowly opened your eyes.

your hooded gaze drove him insane, his lips being pulled to yours like a magnet. you sighed into his mouth, hands unlatching from the sheets to card through his soft brown hair. sugnchan's large hand fell onto your side, fingers digging into your soft flesh when he felt you bite his lip.

whining softly, you tugged at the end of sungchan's pajama shirt, making him break away from you for a split second to pull over his head. you didn't see where he tossed it, hands immediately moving to run down the soft skin of his firm chest. sitting up slightly, you pushed him backwards so you were leaning over him, smiling as he made a noise in surprise. you softly palmed him through his pajama pants, watching his eyebrows furrow in satisfaction at the way your palm rolled against his bulge.

as your fingers deftly worked at untying the drawstrings, you smiled at your shaking boyfriend.

"my turn, baby"

[staranghae]

it wasn't your car...

summary : his car isn't yours by wendy. that's the summary. here, go listen to it.

pairing: l.sm x reader genre: exes to lovers warnings: chan slander (im sorry), mentions of making out(?), mention of drinking/drunk people, crying *i think that's about it but if i missed any pls let me know* word count: 800+

that's all lee seokmin was supposed to be. a summer fling.

but instead, the last few days of your vacation were possibly the worst days of your whole life. days that were supposed to spent lounging with him in the pool were spent fighting about your relationship.

it started when he admitted he was in love with you. you weren't ready for something serious then and you said the same to him to which he said he would wait for you. you frankly thought it was ridiculous that he had fallen for you in the span of a month. no one can love someone within a month of knowing them. or can they?

which brings you to now, standing in front of the open door of the passenger seat of your date's black maserati.

the same car you had spent a month driving around and making out in.

the same car that had pulled up to your vacation house every friday at 8pm on the dot to take you on a date.

the same car in which you're about to go on a blind date in now, just to forget about him. because, contrary to your beleifs, it is possible to fall in love with someone within a month. like how you had fallen for seokmin.

you're shaken out of your trance by your date's voice,

"y/n-ssi, are you getting in?"

by the time you look at him, he's standing near the driver's door, waiting for you to get in,

"we'll be late for our reservation if we don't leave right now so..."

you look at him one last time before getting in and willing yourself to forget about butterfly kisses in late afternoons and the enigma that is lee seokmin.

you get through the dinner with little effort. you date, whose name you learn is lee chan, cannot stop talking for the life of him. you're glad for it though, because it means you can zone out and daydream about what could have been with seokmin. eventually, the dinner ends. he pays like the gentleman he is and offers to drive back since it's quite late.

you check the time. 1am. you say yes to the offer despite not wanting to but trying to get a cab would be worse that listening to someone talk about how good of a dancer they are for the umpteenth time in the past hour.

you get home around an hour later and are shell-shocked at the sight in front of you.

lee seokmin, sitting (well, sleeping) on your front porch, with a huge bouquet of carnations and violets in his hand and a letter in the other.

you turn to chan. he looks at you concerned and offers to walk you in, mistaking seokmin for a drunk person who just got the wrong house.

you tell him that it won't be a problem and manage to get him out of your hair before he tries asking about a second date.

you walk up to him and shake him awake. he blinks a few times before turning to look at you. it's almost magnetic, how he reaches out to cup your cheek in the palm of his hand. he pulls back before he actually touches you, though, scared you might run away again.

he stands up and clears his throat before he starts talking, "i know you don't want anything to do with me but i-"

you cut him off before he can finish, "that's not true, minnie..."

minnie. a nickname you got accustomed to in the course of your relationship. a nickname you had tried so hard to forget over the course of the past few days. a nickname that came to you as easily as breathing.

he blinks at you, a little confused. "what do you mean?"

you have to look away from him before you speak, in fear that you may start crying if you had to maintain eye contact with him,

"i mean, i do want something with you. with us."

seokmin breaks first. sobbing his heart out as he stands up to engulf you in a hug. you've hug him back with silent tears streaming down your face.

he pulls away after a few minutes, eyes rimmed red and looks at you. like, really looks at you. the way your features are aligned perfectly on you, the way you're quite literally tailor made for him, and him for you. he also notices you actively trying to avoid meeting his eyes

he simply chuckles at your behaviour, before talking,

"what am i going to do with you?"

you finally find the courage to look up at him,

"you, lee seokmin, are going to be my boyfriend"

seokmin swears he sees a halo on your head. you laugh at him because of course he would say something that corny with a straight face.

yeah, you'll be alright.

a/n: someone teach me how to end fics, please and thanks :) also, look whose free from the prison of writer's block heh

staranghae.writing®

[bluesworldd]

PT1. Infunami !

↳ pairings: miles 42 x reader

↳ cw/tw: cursing, like 70% proofread, miles going through it, pet names: my love.

↳ genre: angst.

↳ synopsis: miles missed one too many dates and the truth comes out. poor miles

↳ blue says: lets just act like i didn’t disappear for a few months, thanks! enjoy

spoilers ahead !

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fuck

…fuckkkkk

10 missed calls…

miles rushed to get his suit off. fuck how many times has this been? he couldn’t help but think. five..? no five was to little… maybe 10? quickly he called the familiar number.

…ring

…ring

“please leave a-”

fuck. miles had no clue on how he was going to comeback from this one.. its been six months since the two of you started dating and within those six months miles had only took you on about twenty-five dates (yes he counted). now hear him out, 1. the two of you are teenagers and its not much two teenagers can do. 2. it would be way more if you considered cuddling together in your room as a “date”. look miles wasn’t proud of it ok? he s been busy with school and the prowler stuff so hes had a lot on his plate and trust, he does love you, more than you think, but its been a rough couple of months and he cant even remember the last time hes had over six hours of sleep. But fuck it, that was besides the point, now he had to focus on trying to not lose the person he loves….again

quickly he sent a text.

hey..im so sorry about tonight.

he checked the time…only 10:25, you should still be awake. miles knows that because your a bit of a night howl and just like him its hard for you to get sleep most nights…but for different reasons.

anyways.

idk if your still up but if you are just know im coming over.

fuck..im sorry seriously

just please text me back…

after a minute of nothing, in more suitable clothes, miles quickly ran out of his window and straight to you place. ok morales think… maybe a gift? no. miles knows you better, he tried to do that last time and he quickly realized he couldn’t buy your affection back. man that was a shitty three weeks, you had ignored him for a long time before he was at your door for hours begging to talk with him.

miles waited on the sidewalk before a cab stopped near him. getting in he was consumed by his thoughts. so what then? will they even buy the being at work bullshit again?

“kid where to!?” quickly snapping out of his thoughts miles told the cab drive your street address. only 10:33…fuck where did the time go? recently time for miles seemed to be slipping away and fast. never a slow moment to catch his breath or sit down and focus. that seemed to always be the case, especially after…anyways. maybe he could just tell the truth? he chuckled silently to himself. yeah..like thats a fucking option.

“where here” “oh yeah thanks” pulling his wallet out he handed the driver a twenty and a five. “just keep the change” exiting the car miles immediately headed for the back of your apartment where your fire escape was. he couldn’t bother going to your front door, after 6 p.m, no visitors, or rather no boyfriends were allowed in, specifically your mothers orders.

ok morales, just pray you don’t lose your relationships tonight, worry about the rest later. after climbing to the fourth floor he was meet with your window. please be open, please be open, please be- he lifted up the window.

thank god. miles made sure you weren’t in your room before climbing in. ok…now or never. going over towards your door miles knew this was risky. on the off-chance that you mother was up he would be really fucked. before he could open the door someone opened it first.

…miles let out a sigh of relief as he saw your face.

“what the-?!”

he quickly grabbed your wrist and pulled you into the room, shutting the door behind him. “….fuck?” you let out a disappointed sigh. “miles..what are you doing here?” a trick question he knew that you knew he was here to apologize but he didn’t say that part out loud, being a smartass would get him nowhere. “look i am beyond sorry-” “yeah i know miles” damn he could hear the hurt in you voice. you had your back turned to him now, focusing on getting you vanity in order. “…if you allow me, i can make it up to you this weekend” “yeah, i know miles…” is that a yes or…? “so…what day do you want to-” “i can always trust that you’ll make it up to me miles but what after?” ok..what? “what do you mean my love?” sighing you turned around to face him again. you couldn’t help but to roll your eyes, quickly mumbling “why do i even bother”

“ok look miles ill um talk to you later ight? it’s getting late anyways” you made your was towards him trying to get to you door. miles stopped you. “fuck, look i know i fucked up but please dont shut me out” he went to grab your hand but you stepped back. yeah, im fucked. “just please hear me out…” “you’ve released ive been hearing you out four times this month right?!” you said, your tone slightly rising. “and im beyond grateful my love, seriously i am, but if you can just hear me out one more time i can explain” turning back around you went to sit down. “well the floors all yours morales” usually, in any other instance, petty comments like that would have pissed him off but he had no right to be upset as of this moment.

“right…ok, i was called in late today. my manager said it was important and i couldn’t just bail on him you know..?” you slightly chuckled. “even you don’t believe that miles” ok yeah thats fair. “just please let me make it up to you my love.” he took a small step towards you “i already said i know that you will” now he was just confused “yeah so what does that mean? you’re saying nothing and everything at the same time” “it means i know that you will make it up to me miles, you always do, but what about after?” “will anything change…?” you voice grew smaller. miles wanted to respond but practically couldn’t. the room was left silent before you spoke up again “right, if thats your final answer than i think you should just-” “no, no, no. i promise i can change, you just have to be…” you glared at him “right…look i couldn’t be more grateful to have you as mine and i seriously dont want to lose you, just please..”

…a silent pause filled the room.

“than tell me the truth” you replied quietly. another silent pause followed. miles couldn’t do that, or else he would definitely lose you. “i..i cant do that.” your face contorted in confusion with a bit of anger. “and why exactly cant you?” you two stared at each before you made up your own conclusions “i see, maybe your too busy entertaining someone else ?” you huffed out. bow it was time for miles to be confused. “what?? why would i-?” miles sighed “no of course not i would never and you know that!” “so than whats the problem miles?! why exactly can’t you tell me the truth?” your voice gradually got louder, your patience clearer at its end. “if i do than you’ll be upset with me, so upset that you’ll most definitely break up with me” miles said quietly, a slight wobble in his voice although it was still prominent enough for you to hear. now you couldn’t help but be concerned. miles rarely got emotional during intense fights between the two of you, thats not to say miles is emotionally unavailable, just that he always stayed cool under pressure and fights.

“miles i cant be more upset with you than i already am, plus im the one asking for the truth so i can’t be mad at you, no matter what it is” you were slowly walking up to him now. hoping to reinsure him. “ok…listen, i cant tell you the full truth but please know im being completely honest when i say that: most times when i cant make it to our dates its because of my work..” you two stared at each other, miles was unable to read your face, although if you asked him, you looked pretty conflicted. as if you were deciding if he was telling the truth or not. after a small pause you came to your conclusion. “you know what miles? if its so hard to just-“

“fuck, ok im the prowler does that help?!”

the room grew silent as before, neither of you uttering a single word.

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©️bluesworldd 2023 || All rights reserved. Do not repost, reupload, translate, modify, copy, or claim my work as your own.

[midnightfantasiez]

Twisted Love | 다섯 (chp. 5)

SUMMARY: you were certain that you would never find love nor ever lose your virginity throughout university, that is until a man named Lee Sangyeon came into the picture and offered to become your tutor; in exchange for keeping your grades up, and most importantly, teaching you everything you needed to know about sex. it was all just for fun & games, that is until one of you started to develop feelings for the other.

PAIRING: tutor!Sangyeon x afab!reader

GENRE: smut (18+ MDNI!!)

WARNINGS: sangyeon is a jerk 🤕 (but not for long), hakkie is the sweetest ever best friend we all need in life, arguments (reader causes a public scene), lots and LOTS of crying, self-doubt, cursing, slight thriller-ish at one scene so buckle up, kissing, shower sex, sexual tension, dirty talk, petnames (baby, princess), pussy rubbing, breast play, fingering, cum tasting, hair pulling, squirting (like a couple of times actually 😃), multiple orgasms, unprotected sex (again, pls be safe irl folks), p in v sex, slight manipulation, rough sex, teasing, some teasing & fluff towards the end

WORD COUNT: 5,579

A/N: and she is finally here!! im so sorry for not updating it for so long (irl has just been a wild ride for me pls understand 😭) yes it is the final chapter of the series, but do read till the very end for a surprise!! 👀

send me an ask/comment to join the series taglist! those in my permanent taglist will automatically be added!

You have no idea how many days have passed since you last stepped outside your apartment. 

The only thing keeping you sane is gobbling up your whole box of ice cream, which you’ve kept in the freezer for months and completely forgotten about until now. You were practically living on your bed, and you refused to step away from your comfort place other than to use the bathroom. 

If it wasn’t for Haknyeon keeping you alive, you were certain that you were going to rot away and not eat anything nutritious for weeks. He has been coming over every single day without fail—from keeping you company, cuddling while watching some Netflix, and just helping you out the best that he could.

You needed that, especially after what went down with Sangyeon. 

Haknyeon was the first person you had contacted when it all happened, and sure enough, he came rushing to the auditorium to find you curled up at the corners, screaming your lungs out. As much as he was tempted to go after Sangyeon and rip the hair off that man, he resisted the urge and decided to care for you first. 

He was able to help calm you down by bringing you to your favourite boba shop right after that. Then, he took you for a little walk in your local park for a good half an hour before he brought you back to your apartment. 

He got you undressed and even prepared a hot shower bath filled with your favourite lavender bath bombs—you were pretty used to that since you had showered multiple times with him as a kid. 

Everything else was a blur after that, and the next thing you knew, you were practically in bed for a week now. 

Sure, you weren’t going to sulk forever, and you couldn’t live on like this. You needed to get back up on your feet, but you didn’t know exactly how. 

That was until Haknyeon brought something up that set off all of the alarms in your head.

“I don’t know if I should be telling you all this, but I think you deserve to know that Sangyeon is leaving for Tokyo in two hours.” 

Your heart instantly stopped the moment you heard those words. You kept repeating it several times to make sure that you had gotten every single word right and that you weren’t hallucinating. 

Without much thought, you quickly grabbed your coat that was hanging by the hooks of your door and blotted out of your apartment. Instantly, you flagged down a cab that happened to pass by your area and told the driver to head straight to the airport as fast as possible.

Why exactly did you do that? Clearly, you were still upset and heartbroken with everything that happened with Sangyeon. 

The rush of adrenaline was the only thing that could explain the situation you were in. Slowly, your chest tightened, and there was this urge just to let it all out towards your tutor—well, ex-tutor, and also the one whom you have had pretty much spent most of your time with for the past semester. 

You needed to clarify something before he left, and there were so many unanswered questions that you felt had to be addressed before it was too late. 

What was supposed to be a half-hour drive from your apartment to the airport felt like six excruciating hours instead. By the time you arrived, you rushed straight through the gates, not caring that the staff were calling out to you to stop.

You only had one goal: find Sangyeon before it’s too late. 

You didn’t even bother looking at the huge screen that depicts which gate was boarded for Tokyo. You just ran through each one, scanning the crowd in hopes of finding the man you have longed to see. 

Sure enough, he was finally at the very last gate towards the end of the hall, carrying a huge backpack with his earbuds in his ears, following the crowd to start queuing to board the plane. 

As you finally calmed down and tried your best to catch your breath, you didn’t even bother waiting till your breathing had finally stabilised for you to scream at the top of your lungs, not caring if you had gotten the attention of almost everyone in the hall.

“You scumbag!!!” 

It took Sangyeon a few seconds to look around and see what was going on until his eyes landed upon you, and you were clearly talking to him. Soon, the rest of the passengers followed to focus their attention on you both—some even taking out their phones to record the entire commotion. 

“What the actual fuck was whatever happened back at the auditorium all about? You really think you’re so full ahead of yourself? Have you not ever considered that there’s more than just you in this whole agreement thing we had?” 

Sangyeon instantly shut his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. He knew that a conversation or even a confrontation about his actions back then would most certainly come to light one day. 

To be fair, it was his fault for leaving you on the edge and not explaining the whole situation properly before he made his final decision. Hell, he even left you confused and bawling your eyes out all alone back there, which was something he definitely felt guilty about.

But he didn’t know what to do or say. He felt that it was the best decision to make sure that he would no longer step further beyond the line you both have established: it’s all purely for business and not for pleasure. 

Unlucky for him, you did not reciprocate his feelings. 

With another deep breath, you continued your statement, filled with rage. “Did I not mean anything to you for the past several months? Did you treat me like I’m some sort of rag doll you can play with and toss away whenever you want to? I did my very best for you. I aced in all of my tests, and hell I even made sure that you were happy inside and out.”

With that last sentence, you finally felt your cheeks burning so hot to the point that you felt like you might faint any moment. But you had to press on, especially if you wanted to get things over and done with once and for all. 

“But have you ever checked up on me? Have you ever wondered if I felt the same way? Did you even bother caring and considering my well-being? Or my feelings regarding everything that happened?” 

There were so many moments where Sangyeon felt as if he could interject for a moment to give you his response, but you were not having any of that.

You didn’t need to hear anything from him. You just wanted to make sure that you were the one who was going to spit all the facts and shit into that wrecked mind of his. 

Just when you thought that things couldn’t get any better, tears began pouring out of your eyes, and your breathing became heavy and disrupted as you tried your best to choke back those tears. 

“Why did you even make me agree to all of these, Sangyeon? If you were just going to play with me like that,” you sobbed as you wiped your tears away with your sleeves.

At that moment, a couple of airport staff finally made their way towards you and kindly escorted you to somewhere you could sit down and relax for a bit before you were truly about to pass out from everything that had just happened.

Before you took a step forward to head towards the exit to the next terminal, you turned your head back to have one final glance at the male himself before muttering something under your breath.

“I wished we had never met, and I would never want to see your face ever again.”

A couple of days have passed since that fateful day, and it all felt like a fever dream to you.

The moment you returned to the comforts of your apartment, Haknyeon immediately rushed towards the front door to grab you in his arms before you finally passed out. When you awoke from your deep slumber, you had a little wet cloth on your forehead with a thermometer in your mouth, suggesting that your body was feeling a tad bit hotter than normal. 

Thanks to Haknyeon’s help, he was able to nurse you back to health, and the two of you decided to go about with your normal daily routine. It was finally winter break, so you kept yourself busy with all of the Christmas markets that were up and about throughout Seoul—going from booth to booth to try out all of the latest food trends that Haknyeon had desperately wanted to try since coming back to Korea.

Both of you had a lot planned for the upcoming semester: a more relaxed schedule since you were in senior year (which meant there were more individual study sessions for you both), getting a new part-time job to cover the uprising fees, and planning for the senior year’s graduation afterparty. 

You were grateful that Haknyeon’s schedule was more or less similar to yours and that it gave you both more than enough time to hang out after classes or even during the days when you both would go on with your part-time jobs.

Spending some time at the local pub after a long week would be the way to go for you two to destress and just party till dawn—just a little way to escape from all of the troubles from university. 

However, Haknyeon had just received a call from his family that he needed to get back as fast as he could to help out at the farm, so you decided to send him off at the airport.

You certainly felt a lot of mixed emotions here, and that was mainly why Haknyeon didn’t want you to come in the first place. 

But he should’ve known that you, as his best friend, was not going to say no. You insisted that you were going to see his plane take off, and then you would only return back home.

So he tried his best to make the most out of his time with you while waiting for his flight—finding the best matcha latte in all of the cafes to buying a tangerine plushie from one of the vending machines available throughout the airport (since he convinced you that you could hug it to sleep every night so that you wouldn’t miss him too much). 

Even till the boarding gates, your best friend wasn’t too sure about leaving you all alone back in Seoul, given the events that had happened for the past several weeks. As much as you kept telling him that you’ll be fine all on your own, he wasn’t convinced in the slightest bit.

In the end, the only reason you made him finally pack his bags to leave for the airport was that you promised to FaceTime him every day without fail and reply to his texts as much as possible.

I expect an answer within an hour! I should be your first priority amongst everyone else in your contacts!

Haknyeon kept repeating those words to make sure that you would always have your phone close so that he was certain that you were still alive and well. You gave him a smack on his back before pushing him forward to his line that was slowly boarding the plane.

Right after you both waved goodbye and witnessed the plane finally taking off for Jeju, you finally decided that all was well and it was time to head back. 

The first couple of days weren't too bad. Sure, it definitely felt way too empty and quiet without your loud best friend around, but calling him every day was reassuring, to say the least, that you were able to speak to someone. 

Unfortunately for both of you, Haknyeon soon discovered that he would be a lot busier than he expected, so the most that you both could do for the next few days was just texting one another during the night. There was no way you could blame him—he had to look after his family business, after all. 

However, that eerie silence was slowly creeping into you now, and the nightmares were slowly coming back to haunt you. 

Lee Sangyeon. 

As much as you tried your best not to think about every memory you’ve had with him, they just seem to come crawling back all the time for you. Even if you tried to keep yourself busy with something, that lingering feeling just doesn’t seem to go away in the slightest. 

Because frankly, you could still smell the scent of his cologne every night you slept in your bed. 

And you hated that. You hated so many memories you have gotten with your tutor throughout your entire living space. You could turn to the corners, and you would see you and Sangyeon cuddled up with a blanket.

Or you could turn to look at the couch, and you would picture yourself lying down while Sangyeon is hovering over you, showering you with kisses as a reward for essentially being his best student.

And of course, the bedroom. 

The place where the both of you would be so intimate with one another, the warmth of your bodies as he was pressed against you, and the way his tongue would twirl around yours. 

And that goddamn mango flavour that always lingers on his lips. 

You missed his presence so much. You missed how he would touch you, making you feel loved and safe. Most importantly, you missed all the aftercare he would give you after every session. 

Unbeknownst to you, tears were once again beginning to form at the corners of your eyes, and you quickly rubbed them and told yourself that you were no longer going to let him take control of your life.

You have finally let out everything you wanted to say straight to his face that day, and it was a chapter closed in your books. 

You figured that you probably needed some time away to figure things out and take a break from the bustling city. Instantly, you turned on your laptop and searched for the cheapest available hotels nearby, and you were able to snag the final cheapest room at one of the seaside apartments in Busan. 

It would be a much better place to relax before the new semester kicks off the next week, and you were ready to start anew this time. 

No more sex, and no more absurd contracts. 

With that, you added the bookings to your calendar before you prepared yourself a warm hot bath for the night. 

T-minus 2 days till a solo trip to Busan. 

It was the night before you were going to leave for Busan the next morning. You have sorted out the travel route that you were going to take to reach the city: walk to the nearby station at 5:30am, take the earliest train at 6am and arrive at Busan around 8:30am. 

It was that simple. And you were going to hunt for as much local food in town then. 

You figured that you’re just going to take a long, hot, steamy shower to give yourself that love and self-care for the night before your big trip the next day. So you went on with your normal routine: get in the shower, adjust it to the right temperature, and pump out some of your favourite cherry blossom scented shampoo- 

Thud. 

Suddenly, your entire body froze as you clearly heard the sound coming from the front door. Half of you began to panic, but the other half was anticipating whoever had just entered your apartment. 

If this were anyone else, they probably would’ve freaked out and thought that there was an intruder in the comforts of their home, which would be a fair enough point since it would be alarming to hear that someone had entered your apartment when you knew that you weren’t supposed to be expecting any visitors for the day. 

But your apartment complex had pretty strict security checkpoints, and nobody was allowed to enter on their own and would require you to register them at least a couple of hours before their arrival. The only ones who would be able to pass through with ease without your approval would be those you have registered in the database as “close visitors”. 

The only plausible explanation was that Haknyeon had somehow finished up all of his tasks in Jeju and was going to surprise you with his well-known pork bellies that he had harvested from his farm. Your best friend would always bring back goodies for you after all. 

Taking in a deep breath, the face of horror quickly vanished from your face. You plastered the biggest smile you could possibly get and peered your head out from the curtains in your shower.

“Haknyeon, what did I say about giving me surprises-”

God. 

This can’t be real. Well, it couldn’t be. 

Supposedly, he was gone for good, and you have vouched that you will never see him again. And if you ever did, you wouldn’t want anything to do with him anymore.

But you should’ve known that after spending the past several months together most of the time, he would’ve been registered in the database as he would often visit almost four to five days a week. 

Instead, the male stares back at you with slightly puffy eyes, suggesting he is in a horrible state as you were a week ago. Gently, he finally mumbled a few words and gave you these puppy eyes that you had always found absolutely hard to resist.

“Can I join you?” 

You just kept your mouth shut. You couldn’t say anything then, and who could’ve blamed you? You were still trying to process the entire situation that was happening right before your eyes while trying your best to not let your emotions get the best out of you. Instead, you duck your head behind the curtains, letting the waters drench your hair as you stare at your bathroom floor.

The male instantly took the silent response as a yes, and you could hear him unbuckling his belt and slowly undressing himself by tossing his clothing all over the floor before slowly pulling the curtains apart and joining you in the shower. 

There was this awkward silence and tension between you two before the male decided to gently place one of his hands on the right side of your shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze that made you heave a loud sigh. 

“Y/N…”

No response from you. How could you have said anything? After everything you have said to him at the airport and how you have curled up in bed crying your eyes out for the past several weeks. 

You could hear that the male himself was just as conflicted as you were, especially as you could feel his left hand trembling ever so slightly as he placed it on your left shoulder. 

“I know you probably don’t want to hear my voice, nor would you ever want to see me again. But please, let me do it one last time. At least, let me make things right one more time before it’s too late.” 

You scoffed. “Too late? Haven’t you already ruined everything from the start? In fact, you even have the audacity to show up here again after all that you’ve done?” 

“I know it just doesn’t sit right with me, and this horrible guilt is eating me out, and I can’t bear to think what would happen if I just leave it as it is,” he whispered, and he slowly lowered his head to the point you could feel his breath on your neck. 

This can’t be good, and you embraced yourself for what was to come.

And it turns out that your instinct was right. 

Slowly, he brushed his lips against your wet skin before leaving a trail of kisses from your shoulders and up to your neck. As much as you tried to glue your mouth shut, the heavy breathing definitely gave it away which made him increase the pressure he was exerting as he began sucking your skin. 

No. You promised that you wouldn’t be carried away any more. You were done with making outs and sex, even with other guys out there if you were ever stuck in one. 

At that moment, you hated the fact that deep down, you still craved his touch, and you absolutely missed this so badly. Internally, you want to moan out loud about not wanting him to stop or tell him that he could go on, but you weren’t ready to say it straight to his face. 

Again, he took the silence as a cue to move on, and he moved his hands down to cup your breasts and gave them a little massage. You tilt your head back slightly as you glued your eyes shut, fighting against all the odds going through your head. 

Maybe you shouldn’t have done that because the next thing you knew, he was slowly snaking one of his hands down to your clit, and he began rubbing them gently. With that, your consciousness finally decides to fail you, and you elicit a soft moan as you mumbled his name for the first time in weeks. 

“S-Sangyeon…” 

Just like that, he knew there was a possible gateway to make things right, and he could perhaps talk things out with you. Using what he knew best to take control of your mind and body, he used the hand that was still on your breast to pull your hair back slightly and crash his lips onto yours. 

That was it. It was the favourite flavour you loved so much every time you locked your lips together. 

You wanted more, and this time you were going to make sure that you were going to devour every last drop of it from his lips. Naturally, one of your hands started moving straight up into his hair, tugging it slightly as you pushed your tongue into his mouth, both having a little tug of war to see who would exert their dominance best. 

As he quickened up his pace by rubbing your clit, you moved your remaining free hand to the back to rest it on his cock, stroking it up and down which caused the male to moan into the feverish kiss you both were having. 

Neither of you was backing down, and you prefer to keep it that way. You were going to show him that you wouldn’t give in easily, and so did he. 

It didn’t take long for you both to start panting as you felt that you were about to reach your climax. So when you both finally came and squirted on each other’s hands respectively, Sangyeon responded with a final kiss before turning you around to pin you against the wall before bending down to lick all of the remaining liquids that were flowing down your thighs. 

Immediately, he takes one of your thighs to rest it on his shoulders so that he is able to gain more entry to your clit—sticking up his tongue into your g-spot as he moves in and out quickly. 

At this point, you can no longer control the moans you have held back for so long, and the entire bathroom is filled with so much more than just the sound of running water from your shower head.

Pulling his hair with both of your hands, only turned Sangyeon on more as he inserts two fingers into your pussy, making a knot form in your stomach, indicating that you’re about to cum anytime soon. 

“Y-You’re so…you don’t deserve any of this- AH!!!” 

God, you were squirting so much more than you did before. You always knew that he was the best at pleasuring you orally, but the moment he stood up and pushed your thighs against the wall, you knew that the worst was yet to come. 

The sad-filled eyes from before were replaced with lust, and you stared at him blankly while trying your best to catch your breath. But before you could think of a comeback in your dazed state, Sangyeon places his tip against your clit and starts rubbing it to give you some time to mentally prepare yourself before he pushes it all the way in. 

“Y/N…I miss you so bad,” he panted before pushing it all the way up that instantly made you shed a tear from that motion, giving you a little time to adjust as he gently gave you a little peck on the lips to assure you that everything was going to be okay. 

When your breathing has finally calmed down, he begins his pace slowly, pushing it in and out while you slowly take in his length. 

As all of this was going on, the tears that you had desperately tried your best to hold back began streaming down your face—definitely making it look a lot more dramatic with the warm, hot shower dripping down your face at the same time.

“Y-You don’t love me, Sangyeon…you really don’t…this is all a lie…” You panted in between thrusts as you muttered those words. 

And god, did they sting. 

“How can you be so sure?” He asked while fucking you deep.

“Y-You just- want my body- nothing more-” 

“I wouldn’t have dropped and ditched everything I had in Tokyo if that was the case,” he firmly said it out loud and clear, causing you to finally open your eyes wide to look at the male as he paused, thrusting in and out of you. 

Slowly, he caresses your cheeks, wipes away the tears that were streaming down uncontrollably, and looks at you rather lovingly, if that was the best way to describe the look he has on his face right now. 

It doesn’t seem like he was joking around, and it reminded you so much of when the both of you would end up cuddling on your bed and couch, taking the time to kiss one another slowly, as if neither of you were willing to let go. 

“Y/N, I was a coward. I loved you from the start when we first agreed to this whole contract we had. I was a jerk for not admitting my feelings, or rather—choosing to ignore them instead. My past relationship traumatised me, and I wasn’t sure if you felt the same about me, and I was scared to receive another rejection in life.”

Now that was something you had not expected to hear from your ex-tutor. Him falling for you first before you did? It was crazy to think that all this while you were the one who was in this whole one-sided love affair throughout the whole agreement you both had. 

There was no way. More specifically, you couldn’t accept it. You had to make sure.

“Y-You like me? But I’m just an ordinary university student who knows nothing about sex  and all-”

He shuts you up with another kiss. “The best companion and lover, you mean.”

“B-But why? I’m sure your past girlfriend was a lot more prettier and better and of course more knowledgeable than I ever will be-” 

“Y/N. You are the reason why I think that Seoul isn’t as bad as it was. You’re the reason that has made me the happiest man out there for the past several months. You’re the reason that made me decide that it was worth finding love again. Most importantly, you made me realise how much I actually love you and want you all to myself.” 

You sniffled. “And you think by having sex with me is going to prove all of that?”

He chuckles for a bit before pinching your now red puffy cheeks. “From now on, all of our sexual acts together will not be in vain, and it’ll be something intimate and ones that we will cherish as genuine lovers.” 

That was more than enough to give you the reassurance that you needed. All of these were the words that you desperately wanted to hear, and now that you have gotten them, you are the happiest human being that you could possibly be out there. 

“Well then, mister-know-it-all, give me everything you’ve got,” you mocked, trying to go back to the bickering phase you both once shared back then.

That instantly put a smile back on Sangyeon’s face, but that slowly faded into a smirk instead, turning him on as you challenged the male. “Oh I will, baby. Just like how you used to scream for my name until the entire apartment is filled with your cries and moans.”

Right as he finished his last sentence, Sangyeon pushed his cock back into you and decided that you had more than enough time to take in all of his length and size. The more you tilt your head back and how loud your moans have been increasing, the more he wants to push it in deeper till your legs become all numb.

“God- Sangyeon- Please-” 

“Tell me, baby. Tell me what you want-” he panted. 

“Cum inside…please make me cum…” you pleaded. 

“Beg for me then. Tell me how much you want me.”

Lord, you forgot how cocky he could get when he’s high in all of this. 

“I want you so bad! Please, please make me cum!” You screamed at the top of your lungs. 

That was more than enough to please him for now, and he finally picked up his pace even faster than before, trying his best to reach his climax. It didn’t take that long for you both to come together, slowly catching your breaths as you both came down from your high. 

With that, he lifts up your chin and makes you look straight into his eyes, signalling to you that he has won the game. On the other hand, you were not going to give in so easily. 

If he thinks he is back in my good graces, then he’s completely wrong. 

Making him catch off guard; you were the one who pushed him back against the wall—this time creeping up onto him with this horrible smirk on your face.

“You want it good, Mr. Lee Sangyeon? I’ll show you who’s a much more dominant figure in this relationship. Clearly, you made the wrong choice to come back to me.”

It had been a good ten minutes since the whole chaos unfolded back in your bathroom, and now you were all cosy and snuggled up in bed, Sangyeon cuddling you as if you were like his favourite plushie from his childhood.

He couldn’t stop planting kisses on your forehead and sniffing the cherry blossom shampoo you had just used to wash your hair, hugging you tighter each minute passed.

“Sangyeon, I won’t run away; you know that, right? So stop suffocating me before I elbow you in the stomach.”

“Now, that isn’t the nicest thing to say to the guy who gave you a nice, soothing bath.”

“Correction, you ruined my lone shower routine.” 

“But you wanted me so badly you didn’t even reject my touch, didn’t you?” He smirked.

“Oh my god, since when did you become so annoying?” You ruffled his hair as payback, but it turned out it was the wrong move because the next thing that happened, he pushed you down onto your bed, turned you around, and made you look straight up at him as he hovered over you while pinning your arms right above your head. 

“Say that again, princess. I didn’t seem to hear you the last time you said those few last words,” he growled as if he was challenging and pushing you to your limits.

But you have made up your mind and said your true thoughts back in the bathroom, so you pushed him when he wasn’t looking for a split second to turn the tables around, to the point that you were sitting on top of him. 

“Remember what I said back there? Mr. Lee Sangyeon? You clearly made the wrong move when you decided to book that flight from Tokyo back to Seoul,” you said firmly as you began lifting his shirt to reveal his well-toned abs as you slowly glided your hands up and down.

He chuckled, enjoying this little act you have going on. “So am I back in your good graces, sweetheart?” 

You narrowed your eyes at him before a smirk was plastered across your face, completely removing his shirt as you threw it straight to the floor and leaned down to whisper into his ear.

“If you’re able to moan and scream my name out loud this time, then I’ll consider reigniting our contract once again.”

You should’ve known for not testing his limits on how much he would always seem to have a comeback for every single remark you tried to make because what he said next was enough to keep your mouth shut as he began taking a strand of your hair and twirled it around his fingers. 

“Fuck the stupid contract, I’m all yours now, baby.”

A/N: and that's a wrap!! im so happy with this sangyeon series & thank you all again for 100+ followers (reaching 200 soon yay!!) big shoutout to my besties @daisyvisions @aimeecarreros @snowflakewhispers for giving me ideas, supporting me, and all the encouragement & very necessary dirty talk to motivate me to keep on going 🤠 (esp elena for beta reading from the start till the end!!) 🩷

before we get the tissues out for being sad, nuh-uh the series is not the end yet. bcs i love it way too much (and sangyeon obv) im def planning to write a couple of bonus chapters in the future!! so theres def some short stories coming soon (i don't have a clear schedule update bcs of my irl work, but i guarantee you that i will try my best to upload it whenever i can!!)

again, thank you thank you for joining me for this series!! 😘🫶

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taglist: @deoboyznet @kflixnet @k-films @flwoie @mamuljji @synthwxve @j4edo @serinebsblog @h0mebody-heaven @strayed-quokka @daisyvisions @aimeecarreros @snowflakewhispers (join my permanent taglist here!)

[notiddygothgf]

6. troublemaker

★ pairings: aki hayakawa x fem reader

★ ❝ Did you miss me? ❞ ❝ Only a little. ❞

★ c.w.: smoking, smut, lots of filthy dirty talk omg. (more content warnings and tags)

★ a/n: i hated writing this chapter only bc its like omg. i just want everyone to be HAPPYYYYY!! ugh. I tried to make it slow burny but as you can see that did not work out. I missed aki too much to bear it. Anyway! I'm finishing up the last few chapters in google docs (dw there are many chapters you will see before i post them, i like to be prepared is all) and im thinking of how to end the story. Leave suggestions! Keep them comments coming, I love reading through them! I be, like, kicking my feet n shit. 

★ w.c: .5.5k

shameless ; chapter index

THE MORNING LIGHT FILTERED SOFTLY through the curtains, casting a warm glow on the room. You stirred, feeling the gentle rise and fall of his chest beneath your cheek. His arm was still draped over you, holding you close. As you opened your eyes, you found yourself face to face with him. He was already awake, his gaze warm and soft, a faint smile playing on his lips.

"Morning," he murmured, his voice husky.

Yesterday was real. He was real.

"Morning," You replied, a blush creeping up your cheeks. The two of you were still pressed bare chest to bare chest, a gesture so sickeningly intimate that you couldn't help but blush.

He brushed a strand of hair from your face, tucking it behind your ear. "How did you sleep?" he asked.

You smiled, feeling a little shy. "Better than I have in a long time," you admitted. "You?"

He chuckled softly, his eyes twinkling. "Like a baby," he said, his hand gently caressing your back. "You're a wild sleeper, though. Almost pushed me off the bed."

You laughed, feeling a lightness in your chest that you hadn't felt in ages. "And you're a wild lover. My back feels like shit," you teased, snuggling closer to him.

He leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. "Sorry," he said quietly, his breath warm against your skin. "Wanna do it again sometime?"

Your heart skipped a beat at his words, and for a moment, you were lost in the tender bliss of it all. 

"When's sometime?" You dared to ask.

He grinned – giddy and breathless and pretty, "Right now works for me. You?"

You laughed, "Don't be greedy."

Still, you thought about it. You thought about rolling over and kissing his pretty face again, being close to him – feeling his hands on your hips while he slowly, lazily thrusted up into you.

But then, reality came crashing down on you. You had a train to catch and responsibilities to face. As much as you wanted to stay in this cocoon of warmth and affection with him forever – stay buried in his strong, sweet smelling arms – you knew you couldn't.

You glanced over at the clock on the bedside table and your eyes widened in alarm. "My train!" You exclaimed, quickly pulling away from him. You reached for your phone, checking the time. 

Hurriedly, you got out of bed. You began gathering your things, slipping into your Public Safety suit and tie uniform. As you zipped up your suitcase, you caught his eye in the mirror. He was watching you with the most tender smile, and it made your heart ache.

"I'm going to have to call a cab," You said, smoothing out your uniform in the mirror. "I was going to walk, but... at this rate..." You trailed off, biting your lip.

He sat up, running a hand through his hair. "Don't worry about it," he said, getting out of bed. He came up behind you, his presence comforting. "I'll drive you."

You turned to face him, a look of surprise on your face. "You sure?" you asked, your voice soft. "I don't want to put you out of your way. I know you have work today."

You really, really, could get used to a sight like this – a handsome captain standing in nothing more than a pair of boxers behind you, admiring your uniform in the mirror like you were a fucking painting.

He smiled, a gentle, reassuring smile. "I can run a few minutes late," he said. He wrapped his arms around you from behind, resting his chin on your shoulder. "I want to make sure you get there safely."

It felt so good to be desired by him.

You felt a lump form in your throat. The way he held you, the concern in his voice—it was more than you had expected, more than you felt you deserved. You looked at your reflection in the mirror, meeting his eyes. 

"I'll be fine, Aki," You said softly. You were a devil hunter, after all. You could defend yourself against anything.

"It's not up for debate," he said gently but firmly. "I'm taking you to the train station. Are you all packed?"

At this rate, I'm gonna fall for him.

"Yeah," You smiled breathlessly.

He landed a smack on your ass, "Then bring it here, and let's hit the road. If I look at you any longer, I'll give you a reason to miss the train."

"Fine," You laughed. "I'm carrying my own suitcase, though."

It was something you were used to doing. Something completely mindless – your husband never helped you with your bags, or anything like that. 

"And have you lift a finger?" He retorted, "Over my dead body."

"Watch me," You grinned back.

You never did wind up carrying your suitcase to the car. Or opening the door, for that matter. Aki, a man true to his word, did not let you lift a finger.

.

The train station was the same way it had been when you'd arrived only a week or so earlier. The only different thing about it, in fact, was the fact that you were with the same man you had bumped into upon your arrival – and now he was carrying your luggage for you.

As you reached up to grab your suitcase, you collided with someone. Startled, you looked up to find yourself face-to-face with a man who immediately captured your attention. He was tall, easily over six feet, with broad shoulders and a powerful build that spoke of both strength and discipline. His dark hair was tied back in a neat topknot, accentuating his sharp, angular features. But it was his eyes that held you—their piercing blue depths seemed to look straight through you, filled with a seriousness that made you catch your breath.

"Sorry—" he began, his voice a deep, resonant baritone that vibrated through the narrow space.

The butterfly effect was a strange thing, truly. 

The two of you stopped in front of the tracks. He checked his wrist watch, parking your luggage right beside him. As if on cue, a train pulled into the station, screeching to an unceremonious stop. You had half of a mind to be upset about its arrival, as if you had been robbed of your precious time with him (even if it was only a few minutes, and even if the two of you had spent the entire car ride talking shit about coworkers).

"Just in time," He remarked.

You didn't know how to feel. Should you have been happy that you were finally able to leave your transgressions behind and return to your husband? If such was the case, then why did you feel as if you were leaving such a large part of you behind?

As if your heart was buried in Tokyo along with the memories of your past?

"Yup," You replied in a remarkably stupid fashion. As the doors of the train opened and passengers began pouring out, your heart dropped.

He observed you fondly, the faintest hint of affection in his stoic resting face – as if he was expecting you to make the first move.

So, not knowing what else to do, you bowed your head ever-so-slightly. 

"Thank you for everything," You said. Then, struggling to find the words to say what you meant (I miss you already...? Will I ever see you again...? I wish I didn't have to leave...?), you added, "Okay. I guess this is it. Goodbye, Aki."

You turned to walk away, feeling the weight of the moment pressing on your chest. Every step felt like a betrayal. 

Suddenly, you felt a firm but gentle grip on your arm. Before you could process what was happening, Aki pulled you back with a surprising urgency. 

In an instant, his lips met yours in a kiss so passionate that it took your breath away. You stumbled backward, the sheer force of the moment making your knees weak, but his arm around your back secured you, holding you close to him – like he was afraid he would lose you if he let you go.

Time seemed to stop. The world around you blurred, and all you could focus on was the warmth of his lips and the pounding of your heart. His other hand moved to cup the side of your face, fingers gentle yet firm, as if he was trying to memorize every detail of this moment. Your hands instinctively found their way to his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart beneath your fingertips.

When he finally pulled away, you were both breathless. He looked at you, eyes filled with a mix of emotions you couldn't quite decipher. His cheeks were tinged with a slight blush, an endearing contrast to his usual stoic demeanor.

"Goodbye," he said softly, his voice slightly husky from the kiss. The faint blush on his cheeks deepened, giving him an almost boyish charm. 

You could feel your face heating up, the blush spreading like wildfire. "Bye," you managed to say, your voice coming out more giddy than you intended. The giddiness in your tone mirrored the tumultuous emotions swirling inside you.

With one last lingering look, you turned and walked toward the train, toting your suitcase with you. As you reached the door and stepped inside, you couldn't resist glancing back. He was still standing there, watching you with a mixture of longing and resignation.

The doors closed with a final, echoing thud, and the train lurched forward. You found a seat by the window, your heart still racing. As the train pulled away, you watched Aki's figure grow smaller and smaller, until he was just a distant memory in the Tokyo landscape.

Like the night you had taken a cab to get away from him.

You sighed, resting your head against the window. The kiss lingered on your lips, a bittersweet reminder of what you were leaving behind. The train rumbled on, carrying you back to the life you knew – a life that, for some odd reason, seemed much emptier.

A faint buzz of your phone, and you were checking instantly. A part of you hoped it was him, begging you to get off the train, to stay with him, husband be damned.

AKI

|   I hope I get to see you again soon.

|   Get home safe.

Soon. Somehow, despite the heavy feeling in your chest that you were leaving something behind, you found it in yourself to smile. . . .

Deciding to take the more scenic route home, you opted out of boarding the bullet train. You rode local instead. You didn't even mind that you had to transfer three times, or that the commute took eight hours. It gave you some time to finish up the book you had packed, and even more time to catch up on the sleep you had lost the night before.

More importantly, above all else, you wouldn't have to see your husband so soon.

By the time you finally stumbled into the house – haphazardly tugging your suitcase along with you, it was bedtime. You found yourself hoping that your husband had gone to bed early, so that he wouldn't come all up on you expecting some sort of "I missed you" sex.

You kicked your shoes off in the foyer, and pulled your suitcase down the corridor until the voice of your husband called your name.

"You home?"

Fuck.

"Yeah!" you huffed, reluctantly following his voice towards your bedroom. You had hoped to slip in unnoticed, crawl into bed, and avoid any conversation altogether.

He was sitting on the edge of the bed, eyes fixed on you as you entered. He looked familiar – brown hair and tired eyes searching your face – but his presence didn't bring you the peace it once did. You could see the tension in his jaw, the furrow in his brow. He was waiting for something, perhaps an explanation, an apology, or a confession.

"How was your week?" he asked, his voice neutral but his eyes piercing.

"It was fun!" you said, trying to sound casual. "Met up with some old friends, got to meet some new ones..."

Images of Aki and you together flashed through your mind, and you felt a pang of guilt.

"I stayed up to talk to you, you know," he said, his tone harder now.

Your heart dropped. "About what?"

"These new friends of yours," he said. "Wouldn't happen to be one of your coworkers, would it?"

Shit. Fuck. Shit, fuck. 

Did he know? Knowing him, he could have been drunk and jealous, and just talking out of his ass. Still, a part of you couldn't help but wonder.

You froze. "What are you getting at?"

"I'm saying I don't know what you thought you were doing in Tokyo," he said, his voice rising. "But word travels in Public Safety. There are rumors about you dancing around with a little Captain, or some shit."

He does know.

"That's ridiculous!" you snapped, your defensiveness rising. "The Captain and I are mutual friends with Himeno. She made introductions, and he bought us a round of drinks. They're blowing it out of proportion."

"Are they?" he shouted, standing up. "Then, you should really, really start clearing your name. You could very well have fucked him already."

"It's not like that!" you retorted, tears stinging your eyes. It was like that. "It's not my fault that people have nothing better to talk about. I'm in love with you, and only you."

You were lying. You knew you were lying. He knew you were lying.

"Bull shit," he scoffed. "We haven't made love in two weeks."

"I don't want to do this right now," you muttered, turning away. He was insufferable, as per usual. "I'm exhausted."

"You're always exhausted," he shot back. "Always too tired to talk, too tired to fuck. Then you go off on this work trip, and there are rumors about you at some party. What am I supposed to think?"

You felt a mix of guilt and frustration. "You're my husband. You're supposed to trust me," you said quietly. "I didn't cheat on you. Don't be a dick, it was just a dance!"

Truly, the irony of the entire conversation was not lost on you.

"Want to know the truth? I really don't give a shit if you cheat on me or not. I can have another woman in here tomorrow to take your place," Your husband's next words were cold and unforgiving, "You want to keep your white-picket-fence life? Then stop embarrassing me in public."

With tears streaming down your face, you slipped into a nightgown you had hung up on the dresser. The bed felt cold and uninviting as you slid under the covers, your husband's eyes still boring into you. You turned your back to him, staring at the wall, trying to will yourself to sleep. 

The damage was already done, the emotional distance between you and your husband growing wider with each passing moment. The bed felt even colder now, and you closed your eyes, hoping for sleep to come quickly and take you away from the reality you were living.

Lying there, you couldn't help but replay the moments with Aki in your mind. The way he made you feel alive, seen, and wanted. You felt a deep pang of guilt, knowing you had betrayed your husband's trust. Yet, part of you couldn't bring yourself to regret it entirely. 

The fact of the matter was that Aki had filled a void in your life, one that you hadn't even realized was there until he came along.

Aki was ten times the man your husband could ever dream of being.

The hustle and bustle of Tokyo played in your mind, the energy of the people, and the warmth of a certain dark, handsome Captain. You even found yourself missing Himeno, her infectious laughter and the way she always knew how to lighten the mood. But most of all, you missed the secret moments with Hayakawa, the stolen kisses, the way he breathed passion into your name. Your heart ached with the memory of it all.

"I hope I'm wrong," Your husband said, his voice low and steady – a reminder of all that you had lost by settling down with him so young. "But, above all else, I hope I don't have to tell you that cheating is insulting to a man like me and stupid for a woman like you."

A man like him. You could nearly laugh at the prospect of your husband being grouped into any sort of high category. He was a piece of shit. That's what he was, and it was getting progressively harder to ignore that fact.

"Goodnight," you muttered, your voice barely above a whisper. You wouldn't glorify him with a response.

Your husband lay down beside you. 

"Is there something you're not telling me?" he asked suddenly, his voice breaking the silence.

Your heart raced. "No," you said, your voice barely steady. "There's nothing."

You swallowed hard, the weight of your guilt pressing down on you. 

He's too late, you thought to yourself.  .

8:38 PM [New Message]

[Play]

[Automated: Playing Voicemail from 'Makima']

"Hello. I'm sorry for calling so late. I hope I didn't disturb you. I wanted to speak with you at your earliest convenience. I have some concerns about one of my new recruits, and I'm uncertain that he will function well in his group. Would it be possible to request you for backup? You did such great work last time, and I know you won't fail me. A little help would be greatly appreciated, at least until we recover from the tremendous losses we just suffered. Thank you, again, for all that you do. Please call me back and let me know if you're available this week. Again, all expenses will be paid. Goodbye."

[Automated: You have no new messages.] .

The work week dragged on, each day blurring into the next. Every task felt like a mountain to climb, your thoughts repeatedly drifting back to Tokyo and the emotional whirlwind you'd left behind.

A few days later, as you stood in the kitchen, the aroma of cooking filling the room, you decided it was time to share your news. Your husband walked in, his mood noticeably sour.

"I've got news," you said, trying to sound casual as you stirred the pot on the stove. "I'm being reassigned to Tokyo again."

His eyes narrowed immediately. "Tokyo? Again? What is this, some kind of joke?"

"It's not a joke," you said, turning to face him. "It's a new assignment from Makima."

"Makima's orders?" he echoed, his voice rising in frustration. "So you're just going to pack up and leave again? How many times do I have to watch you walk out that door?"

"It's not like that," you said, struggling to keep your voice steady. "This is a work assignment. It's out of my control."

"Out of your control?" he snapped. "Its your job. You can say no."

"I didn't want to," You said. "I would be getting paid almost double. What did you want me to do?"

"Quit, like I've been telling you to do for the past few years," He replied. "When are you going to let me take care of you? I could make you a stay at home wife. You don't need this job."

You. A housewife. You, being trapped inside of the house all day – all of your ambitions and dreams and achievements being reduced to your status as a homemaker. That wasn't your life. It wasn't what you wanted for yourself.

Why wouldn't he take the hint?

"I'm not gonna quit. I want to work," you said, feeling a pang of defensiveness. "I need to go to Tokyo for said work. To get paid more. It's not about escaping you."

"You don't even see how you're doing exactly that. Run off, then. Go back to Tokyo."

"It's not like that," you said, trying to explain. "Life's been overwhelming. I'm not trying to run off, I just–"

"Overwhelming?" he scoffed. "You were full of energy over there. You had time for everyone else but none left for me."

Dick.

"It wasn't like that!" you said, your frustration bubbling over. "I was catching up with friends. It was a chance to get away from all of this. You cant– I won't let you criticize me for having a life outside of this marriage."

"Is that what you call it?" he snapped. "A life outside of our marriage? While I'm stuck here, waiting for my wife to come home, barely even recognizing her when she does?"

"That's not fair," you said, tears welling up. "I care about you. But it's been hard for me, too. I've been dealing with a lot."

"Dealing with a lot?" he repeated, his face reddening. "Do you even realize how distant you've become? We barely have sex anymore. We hardly talk. What kind of marriage is this?"

"I don't know," you admitted, feeling the sting of his words. "I'm tired. Maybe I would want to fuck you if you... I dunno... maybe, helped me out once in a while. You never even lift a finger around here. I'm working just as hard as you, and yet you are the one who gets to come home to a home-cooked meal."

"This wouldn't be an issue if you just quit," he shot back, taking a step closer. "But you're too busy being an independent woman, right? I own this house. It's in my name."

"I pay half of the bills," You added.

"But it's my house," He corrected you. "On paper, it belongs to me. Don't get out of line."

"Do you even hear yourself right now?" you said, your voice breaking. "I wish you would stop– fucking– pointing fingers at me for once and realize that there's a bigger issue here. We're struggling, and I don't– it's not my job to fix us."

"You can't fix shit. This is us," he said, his voice growing colder. "This is marriage. The difference between me and you is that I'm stuck dealing with this mess while you run off and live your life. How am I supposed to just accept that?"

"You don't have to accept it," you said, frustration rising. "But you need to understand that I'm not doing this to hurt you. I need to have a life of my own."

"A life of your own," he echoed, his tone dripping with sarcasm. "It seems like you're more interested in escaping the life you have than in fixing what's broken between us."

"Stop it," you said, your anger flaring. You set your spoon down on the stove, turned the burner off, and turned to face the man you were supposed to love. "This conversation is over."

"I don't get it," he said, his eyes darkening. "Are you happier away from me? Are you saying that you're not interested in being here, in working on our relationship?"

"That's not what I'm saying," you said, lip quivering with anger. "But I can't just flip a switch and make everything perfect. I'm trying. You can't wall me up inside this house and expect me to be your bitch forever. I want to– I need to have a life."

"Be grateful for the life I gave you," he spat, his voice harsh and final, dripping with hatred and venom. It could not have been more apparent. Your husband hated you. "I'm the one who provides for you. I'm the reason you have a home and a life. Without me, you'd have nothing."

"Even with you, I have nothing," you laughed humorlessly. "There's nothing here. Nothing between us. I'm starting to believe I shouldn't have married you to begin with. Lord knows we were fine before, but you just had to settle down in the countryside."

You froze. The coldness of your own words cut through the air like ice. Before you could take it back, apologize, even, his hand lashed out, striking you across the face. The shock of the blow left you reeling, your cheek stinging with pain.

He spoke slowly, like he was sounding it out. His eyes wide, he apologized– "Honey, wait, I–"

"Fuck you," you whispered, the tears falling freely now. 

You turned on your heel and fled to your room, your heart pounding.

Inside, you slammed the door and leaned against it, your breath coming in short, ragged bursts. The pain in your cheek was sharp, but you forced yourself to focus on something else. 

You began unpacking your suitcase, using the physical task to distract yourself from the emotional turmoil.

You tugged the zipper open, revealing neat piles of folded clothes. You began to pull them out, laying at the foot of your bed. As you reached the bottom of the suitcase, you uncovered the painting Aki had gifted you, carefully wrapped in bubble wrap. 

You unwrapped it slowly, revealing the vibrant colors and delicate brushstrokes. The painting was a tangible piece of Tokyo, a reminder of a time when you had felt truly alive – the flowers in the field. The strong tree. The blue sky, and the warm, warm sun.

It had no place in your home.

Your room felt cold and impersonal, a stark contrast to the warmth of the painting. You knew it didn't belong here, in this bedroom that felt more like a prison than a home – with gray walls and gray floors. But as you looked at the painting, a deep longing settled in your chest.

You glanced around the room, your eyes landing on a framed photo of you and your husband. It was one that had been taken at your wedding reception. He was grinning ear to ear, holding you close to his side. You were smiling, too, face smeared with cake – hopeful for your future with the man you loved.

Without hesitation, you took it down and replaced it with the painting. As you hung it up, you felt a rush of warmth spread through your chest, a flicker of happiness amid the darkness.

Standing back, you admired the painting. For a brief moment, the pain and anger seemed to melt away, replaced by the comforting memory of Aki. Oddly enough, staring at the painting long enough, you felt as if you could almost feel his presence, smell his warm cologne whipped together with the scent of the nicotine that lingered on his uniform. You felt as if you could practically feel him behind you, hands resting on your waist, soft lips pressing tender kisses to the valley of your neck.

And, only then did you really grasp the gravity of your situation. You were fucked. Completely and totally fucked.

Aki's text from the train sat heavy and unanswered still in your pocket. A week had passed, and you hadn't dared to text him back. 

You didn't need to open it to know what it said. You had stared at it for so long that the image was practically ingrained into your memory.

I hope I get to see you again soon.

Get home safe.

You shouldn't. You knew you shouldn't. But you could feel the weight of your phone in your pocket, the weight of your desire rearing its ugly head during a moment of weakness, and you couldn't help yourself. Before you could stop and think twice about it, you were flipping your phone open and browsing your contact book, pressing 'ok' on a name you most definitely should have deleted by now.

The phone rang once. Twice. A third time. 

Then it clicked.

"Hello?"

"Hey," You exhaled, relieved that your call had gone through. You crossed your legs, plopping down onto the bed.

"Hey, troublemaker."

The wave of heat that washed over you at the sound of his voice was uncanny. He filled you with a fantastic sort of giddiness that you hadn't felt in years – you didn't even care that your husband was about to eat dinner in the next room, just as he didn't seem to care that you had been M.I.A. for the past week.

In his typical fashion, he made you forget about your surroundings. Right then, it was just you and him, and that's all that mattered.

"Did you miss me?" Aki asked.

"Only a little," You replied. You couldn't help but smile. "What are you up to right now? Do you have time to talk?"

"Of course. I always have time for you," He answered warmly. His voice was deep and tender, and it made you melt all over the bed. "I'm laying in bed right now. Just had a smoke. How did you know I was thinking about you?"

There were so many things you wanted to say to him – I miss you, come get me, he hit me. I need you – and yet you couldn't help but bask in the comforting silence.

"Lucky guess," you said, feeling the warmth spread through your chest. "I've been thinking about you too. What's it like there? Anything exciting?"

"It's Tokyo," he said with a lazy lilt to his voice. He sounded tired, as he always did. It was endearing. "Could be better, but honestly, I'd trade it all just to be with you right now."

You felt a shiver of excitement at his words. The warmth of his voice and the lightness of the conversation made you forget, if only for a moment, the coldness of your current reality.

You knew it was bad. Still, you grinned, rolling onto your stomach while you took the call, kicking your feet.

"So, what's the weather like there?" You asked, trying to keep the tone light but unable to mask the undercurrent of flirtation.

You would say anything if it meant you would get to hear his voice a little longer.

"Warm, surprisingly," Aki replied, his voice dropping to a softer, more intimate tone."Have you been holding up okay over there? You haven't spoken to me in a week."

"Probably for the better," you said, a laugh escaping you. "Even now, I shouldn't be talking to you. I'm sitting here in this freezing room, and your words are the only thing warming me up."

"Good," he said, his tone suggestive. "Maybe one day soon I can warm you up in person. Until then, just know I'm thinking about you."

You rested your head on the bed, the phone pressed to your ear, feeling as if you were floating in the warmth of his words. Despite the rational part of your mind telling you to be cautious, you found yourself lost in the conversation, savoring every last moment you could.

"Are you still there?" Aki's voice came through, warm and inviting, like a soft blanket in the coolness of your room.

"Yeah," you replied, settling into the bed, propping yourself up with pillows. "I'm still here. Just... don't want to hang up."

"Glad to hear it," he said, his tone teasing. "I'm not ready to let go of you either. What are you thinking about?"

You smiled, feeling a flutter in your chest. "Just thinking about how nice it is to hear your voice. It's been such a rough day, and talking to you made me feel a little better."

"Wanna talk about it?" Aki asked softly. "I've been thinking about you like crazy."

"Really?" you asked. "What do you see when you think of me?"

Aki chuckled, a low, throaty sound that sent shivers down your spine. "I see me and you – in that little black dress of yours – and the way your kisses tasted."

You felt a flush of warmth at his words, the intensity of your feelings bubbling up. "You probably shouldn't," you admitted. "You'll catch feelings."

"You're making it hard to stay focused on anything but you," Aki said, his voice growing more serious. 

You laughed softly. "You're good at this, you know. Making me feel like I'm the only person in the world."

"That's because you are," he said earnestly. "For me, anyway. Wanna talk about your day?"

You shifted in bed, pulling the blankets around you as if trying to draw closer to him through the phone. "I don't really feel like talking about it."

Aki's voice was tender and soothing. "That's fine. Is there anything I can do to help you feel better?"

"I don't know," You sighed, the sound a mix of contentment and longing. You felt weak. "I just want to hear your voice. I need you."

"I need you too," he said, his voice softening. "I had a dream about you, you know? It felt like I was back in that hotel room with you again, watching you get ready to go home," A pause, then he added, "I should've made you miss that train."

You closed your eyes, letting the image of a shirtless Aki slipping into his work slacks flood your memory. "You're terrible."

He's one fine piece of ass.

Aki's laugh was deep and gentle, like the tides of the ocean tugging at the shore. "I am. I'm a terrible, rotten man, and it's all your fault. Have you been thinking about me, too?"

You glanced at the painting on the wall, feeling a pang of an emotion you couldn't quite place, "More than I'd like to admit."

"Hold on, I just heard something break in the kitchen. I think my nightmare roommate is up," Aki said. "I have to hang up. Promise you'll text and call more often, though. I've been worried sick."

"I promise," you said, your voice barely above a whisper, your face flushed like you were a lovestruck schoolgirl. "Goodnight, Aki."

"Goodnight, troublemaker," he replied softly. "I'll be dreaming of you."

a/n: oh nooooooo... what do yall think is gonna happen? (i know, but yk....). but actually i hope you loved it, I loved writing sexy phone aki ugh it makes me wanna write more of him. I hope you all dont hate me too much for keeping them apart. (i'll make it up to u soon, trust.) anyway, QOTD: wyd if you were y/n? x

credits: UNKOWN ATM. I found the cover pic on pinterest unfortch. If you know the artist, please let me know, so I can credit them properly for their work!!! This is NOT MY BEAUTIFUL DRAWINGGG. I obviously do not own csm or anything related to it. please do not reproduce, copy, or translate my works anywhere. dont fk w me im a bruja.

also: come find me on my wattpad if u wanna interact more!

taglist: @mitsuyeahhh , @sleepysnk , @enneadec , @noaabean , @em1e , @drakensdarling , @bertholdts--butt , @satanlovesusall666 , @mitsuwuyaa , @noctifule , @scaraphobia , @ask-the-insect-hashira , @lovingranchturkeyweasel , @bontensbabygirl , @slvdsjjk , @novacrystalli , @hanmastattoos , @kodzuksn , @hqtiny , @ohmaiscool15 , @redlittlequeen , @leivane , @goldeneagles-posts , @yeahblahlame , @no-oneelsebutnsu , @cookiesandcreammy , @cawwn , @the-haitani-baton , @littlelovebug98 , @armani78 , @mindurownbussines , @kokos-property , @violetmatcha , @hp-simp505 , @acethebrave , @mitsuyeahhh , @sleepysnk , @enneadec , @noaabean , @em1e , @drakensdarling , @bertholdts--butt , @satanlovesusall666 , @mitsuwuyaa , @noctifule , @scaraphobia , @ask-the-insect-hashira , @lovingranchturkeyweasel , @bontensbabygirl , @slvdsjjk , @novacrystalli , @hanmastattoos , @kodzuksn , @hqtiny , @ohmaiscool15 , @redlittlequeen , @leivane , @goldeneagles-posts , @yeahblahlame , @no-oneelsebutnsu , @cookiesandcreammy , @cawwn , @the-haitani-baton , @littlelovebug98 , @armani78 , @mindurownbussines , @kokos-property , @violetmatcha , @hp-simp505

wanna join the taglist? | shameless ; chapter index

[urf1lterr]

lovesick | pedro pascal [1]

"and on this night and in this light i think im falling, im falling for you."

next chapter: [2] series masterlist

summary: in which a 1975-obsessed film student accidentally falls in love with an older man she can't have.

pairing: actor!pedro x intern!reader

genre: acting world!au, big age-gap!, strangers to friends- maybe lovers?? au | angst, mature, awkward, love- eventually

word count: 7.4k

status: in progress

author's note: this was supposed to only be an introduction but i ended up with a chapter lol. im sorry if its lame, i wrote this half asleep and for fun. not edited btw

"So like...are we gonna keep staring at the door or do you mind if I open it and walk inside?"

Swiftly turning your neck, you glared at your friend who was patiently waiting for your reply- probably begging on the inside to go in by how badly cold it was outside on this tuesday, new york morning.

"Just go inside by yourself!" you rolled your eyes as she shook her head.

"Uh no, for one- I can't let you be out here alone, some man could just push you in a van and sell you to the black market," Jules declared. "then I would lose one birthday gift from you-"

"I will push you in the van myself if you keep talking," you groaned, her constant rambling within the hours making your nerves worsen.

Today was the day Jules, your best friend, and you began your internship on a film set. Actually, it was yesterday, but nobody really counts the short orientation and hours of reading rules and responsibilities a real productive work day, right?

If having the worst anxiety wasn't enough, you were blessed to have been given an amazing coping mechanism of meditation- in which would've been fine with if you didn't look like a complete idiot standing up with your eyes wide open breathing slowly.

But to be fair, this really was your first day on the job. You didn't know what to expect and your friend wasn't exactly a helping hand in these situations. As she was more confident and outgoing, there you were being an introverted, awkward female with amazing music taste- that is you ever felt comfortable to let people hear your music outside of your headphones.

"I don't get just why you have to pray while staring at the door as if you wanna stare into its soul, you look weird," Jules whined, placing her hand over her eyes. "We have to be at Finn's office in 10 minutes or else we're dead."

"Fine," you huff, grabbing your bag you had placed on the floor beforehand onto your shoulder. "Let's go."

Excitedly clapping her hands together, she swung the door open before dragging you down the hall of the room towards the elevators. The two of you had to meet at a studio on the other side of the city for this internship in which wouldn't be a problem if you enjoyed traffic and the crowds of people on the street- but you didn't.

Not only did you have to take the subway and a cab one hour before your schedule 8am start, you had to deal with the troubles of waking up your night owl roommate, Jules again, without slapping her silly by how strong her eyes stay shut.

After getting off the elevators and walking closer to his office, you recognized a couple of the other interns standing around his door looking either extremely nervous, tired- or both.

Suddenly, the door opened and Finn, the man who hired you, jumped out with a bright smile.

It's way too early to be this energetic.

"How is everyone doing on this lovely, working morning?" Finn smiled, making sure to make eye-contact with every single person in the hall before continuing on with his dialogue. "I'll take this silence as a way you all express your gratitude to be able to work on a live set."

With the ongoing silence still occurring, Finn continued with, "please follow me to the room next door, that's where we'll discuss minor details before heading towards the stages."

The minor details were simple, don't screw up.

There was also little insights on what we should be prepared for- taking care of the cast and errands as the day went on.

I suppose experience is what is needed for your future so it shouldn't be a surprise that you wouldn't be around a camera for too long. But it was mentioned that overtime you would accelerate your learning to harder tasks such as on-hands work, which you were terrified over but within time you would get over it.

You had to, this was a part of your dream job after all.

The group was informed more about the project we had to assist, some new show coming out called 'The Last of Us.' To be honest, you weren't familiar with it. Some of the guys in the group threw in their input that they played the game, but you didn't know it was also a combined franchise.

You weren't exactly a gamer or horror film person.

It hadn't even come to your mind that you would be interacting with real-life celebrities until you made near a stage and felt Jules grip your wrist hard and start tugging on it to get your attention as she tried to quiet her fan girl squeals.

Looking up, you saw a group of people walking through a set with papers in their hand, laughing and chatting with one another. Truth be told, you didn't recognize any of them. Maybe you should have done more research regarding this show you know nothing about- but you heard some successful directors had openings for extra help and immediately called your friend to join with.

"Is it bad that I don't recognize any of these people?" you whisper to Jules as she screeches in low volume, shocked that you would dare say that.

"You're joking right?!" she whispers with a high-pitched voice. "Everybody knows them! They are-"

"Is that him?" you heard a girl whisper from your group, Jules stopping her almost-started rant from it. "He really is daddy."

"What the fuck?" you heard one of the guy interns whisper in confusion, looking at her as if she was delusional as she waved her hand to him to not distract her from her view.

You weren't sure who she was talking about and you really didn't want to know. She probably had some silly crush on one of the actors which would just distract her from her job, it isn't worth it.

"Yo man, why is there a line of people looking like they are held at gunpoint?" one person laughed, pointing at your group as you tried to hold back your laughter.

You were assuming the people around you guys were majority of the cast as nobody else but the camera and makeup crew were present in the room. Surprisingly enough, even after seeing them closer you still couldn't figure out who any of these actors were.

Were you really that outdated in the films you watched?

"Way to introduce yourself, Gabriel," Finn replied, giving a pat on his back before turning back to the group. "These are the new interns because you know, you guys made the last ones quit."

"Uh no I didn't, that was all Nick!" you heard a small child gasp, pointing at an older looking man. He looked a little familiar but you couldn't wrap your head around it. "He made them pick up his food orders all the way across town everyday!"

The familiar-looking man had longer hair than most of the men around. "I would've done delivery if that was an option!" The man complained, making the girl scoff in return.

Hold on, you knew that voice. You grew up with that voice.

"Wait, I do know somebody, that's Ron Swanson" you gasped, completely forgetting how loud and clear you were in your surroundings by how fazed out you were to be a few feet away from a comedic legend.

You didn't know all eyes were on you until you felt Jules heavy weight of her shoulders hit yours as she hid her face in embarrassment from your last statement causing you to look up. Everybody tried holding back their giggles as Nick just smiled proudly.

Great, you just exposed how you didn't know them in front of them. Not mortifying at all.

"Funny and smart for knowing me, I like her already," you heard Nick proudly declare, turning to Finn with a firm nod. "You better not fire her."

Feeling your face getting hotter by the second, you wished you could just hide under a blanket and stay in there forever if it meant you never had to embarrass yourself like that again. This probably looked so disreputable on your part.

"And what might this oblivious, tomato be named?" you heard a man curiously question, getting your attention by his big framed glasses on his face.

Did he just call you a fruit?

"Be nice, you're intimidating them. It's like a new fish in a big pond," an older woman responded after, trying to bring some extra comfort into the room but it was too late- you were traumatized.

"Okay, okay," the man held up his hand in defense before turning to look at you straight in the eye. "What might this unaware, cherry tomato be named? That sounds cuter."

"Uh, y/n," you awkwardly stated, holding your hands together while terribly trying to defend yourself. "And it's totally not like I didn't recognize the rest of you!" you lie, pointing at a random person next to him before speaking up again, "you're in that one brilliant movie that was so good!"

The man sheepishly smiled at you before saying, "I am just one of the cameramen, but thank you. I do get told quite a bit that I look like Brad Pitt." And that was the moment you wanted to die inside.

That's it, you're never coming back here again. You've made a fool out of yourself.

"Stop talking," you heard your friend hiss before taking a step forward to help lessen the attention on you. "I am Jules. Not fashionable like the one from Euphoria, but still very friendly and fun."

The cast all waved at her from her radiating charm that could make anyone adore her. "Thank you, Jules who isn't from Euphoria, why don't everyone else introduce themselves."

After everyone had their time to shine, you were excused for a small break as rehearsal had yet to start. You weren't complaining, you would rather be out getting coffee on the other side of town if that meant you could avoid the actors and directors at all times.

Sitting on one of the break room's couches, you felt Jules jump next to you before hitting your shoulder rapidly. "I think that one girl intern hates you!"

Trying hard to remove her fast hands off you, you gave her a confused look. "Uh why? Was it because I embarrassed us?"

There couldn't be any other reason why she might dislike you, it's not like you knew her personally or had ever met her before the last few days.

"I mean Pedro did call you cute minutes after she called him 'daddy', what do you expect?" She giggled as you gave her a disgusted glance at the last term she used. Why would she call him that and feel comfortable saying it so freely? "She's in loveeee with him."

Pedro? So that was his name.

"First of all, he doesn't think I'm cute. The name 'cherry tomato' was cute rather than a hillbilly tomato," you defended, making her scrunch her face in confusion by your nonsense. "Second, there's no way a normal woman would be that upset over one small indirect comment not made in that way."

Jules rolled her eyes by how understanding you weren't being, it annoyed her even more how oblivious- like the man had said, you were being. "He called you a cherry tomato because it has an adorable ring to it for a cute person! Therefore, he finds you pretty- end of story."

"I am beginning to think you really are delusional."

"All I am saying is be careful," she whispers seriously. "She's young and I know a lot of people who obsess over him for his looks."

"Why? He's like in his 40s-"

"Daddy issues? Gray facial hair? I have no clue what people enjoy on their free time," Jules cut you off, shrugging while you snickered. Like you never heard that excuse before.

"Can we check out the set though? I'm feeling better and want to be out there to prove how unaffected I am from earlier- but I will be hiding behind your back."

"As always," she sang, following you out the door back to the main room.

Walking out, you were determined to stay focused and think before you said something silly- which was hard. Your whole life you've always been a little dumb when reading the environment, that's not gonna change within a few minutes.

Looking through the racks of costumes, tables filled with devices you had never seen before, and cameras that were bigger than yourself, one of the interns, Joon, came up to Jules and you to inform that it was time to actually 'work.'

"Damn, I kinda liked just walking around and doing nothing but stare at the lights. Now we have to get our hands dirty for minimum wage," Jules sighed as the two of you walked in front of one of the stages.

The stage was practically empty, only a few white walls installed and chairs scattered around.

After a few minutes of hearing one of the lead director's assistant discuss the plan of going over a few scenes, it came to your realization that this was only a rehearsal.

It made sense, this building wasn't necessarily a 'survival mode" vibe. Maybe a few indoor scenes would do the job, but it wouldn't be enough for the series.

"I want you to run along with Kendall to grab some snacks, go around the room and see what we're missing and restock!" Finn brightly smiled to Jules before turning to you. "Now, what should I do with you?"

Man, you wished you could replace Kendall right now because now you were alone

"She can help me with the makeup," a lady spoke up from a few feet away. She was a very tall, black-haired woman with a few facial piercings who looked like she was in her middle 20s. "We still need to practice to see how it'll look on the screen this week"

Finn looked at you and back at her before shrugging and nodding. "Works for me." He was already walking away before he turned back around, "but don't let her apply too much, I don't want them looking caked up in front of the camera." Lightly scoffing, you made your way to the girl as he walked away.

Standing there in discomfort, you waited for her to lead you in any type of direction to make this task go by quicker. Makeup was not your thing, or at least when it came to doing someone else's.

"I'm Violet, by the way," the girl smiled kindly at you as she handed you a black apron. "You must be y/n."

Taking the apron, you opened it to find in white writing 'TLOU Crew.' "How'd you know? Did me not knowing the cast spread that fast "

Giggling, she shook her head. "Yes and no," she grabbed one of her many make up bags and began looking through it. "Your name tag."

Looking down, you forgot they had written your name on the sticker during the short-lived meeting with Finn. Redness filled your face as you averted your eyes somewhere else, too embarrassed to make eye-contact.

"Anywho," Violet chuckled while putting one hand on her hip. "I thought maybe I could do my normal routine while you can just do the small stuff like brush their eyebrows or hair."

Squinting your eyes, you just gave her a confused look. "Brush their eyebrows? Work with their hair? Isn't the eyebrows fairly too easy for you to need the help and don't you guys have certified hairstylists?"

"Would you rather do more complicated things like taking their never-ending customized coffee orders?" She replied, making you immediately reject the idea. "I volunteered you to help me because I feel like working on harder tasks your first day would only be stressful."

How thoughtful of her.

"Plus, today's not a complicated schedule-," she added as she began lining her brushes around her small table. "-think of it as a practice run over a few lines, but for multiple scenes. We probably have like max 5 people I need to work on so no need for many artists."

There was another older lady in the other side of the table on her phone, probably another experienced makeup artist who knew the drill.

"Got it, today is a light day," you responded back, causing her to smile and hand you a hairbrush.

"See, you have the right mindset," she declared, nudging her head to the side. "And you better keep it because you have your first clients coming in."

Eyes widening, you swiftly twisted your body to see two young girls and Nick come in. Three people, that shouldn't be hard.

"You better make me look adorable," Nick pointed a finger at you as he sat down on a chair near you, causing you to let out a shy laugh as Violet motioned you to come closer.

"I'm going to prep his skin, go to Bella and Nico and ask them to do the same," she advised. "They usually do it themselves on these days to make the process faster."

Nodding you walked to the two young girls, not knowing which was who. The girls were chatting with each other before one with big curls noticed your presence before smiling brightly. "Skin routine, huh? Don't worry, we were about to begin."

Immediately, you noticed her beautiful accent that caused you to stare at her in shock.

"Looks like you frightened her," the other girl laughed, making you glance at her right after. They both had the strong accent.

"Sorry!" you blush, trying to avert your eyes away from them. "I just never heard a British accent- or at least one in person before."

The first girl giggled, waving her hand as a way to prove she didn't mind. "We get that all the time when we visit, it's okay- I never really hear your accent unless I am working on a new project."

"I don't have an accent- you have one," you declare, causing them to laugh harder.

"You seem really amazed by it, is it because you fantasize over Harry Potter or something?" the second girl jokingly questioned, making you chuckle.

"I wish, but I only watched one of his movies and never read the books," you sigh before continuing. "But one of my favorite bands are British so I just get a little loss for words whenever I hear one. It's such a beautiful tone- not to be weird or anything!"

"I agree, New Yorker's just sound so...angry," the first girl shivered. "Which band are you into? Maybe we know them"

"The 1975-"

"Aww, did you do your research on me to make up for earlier," you heard a voice boost through the area. Turning around, you noticed it was the man who called you a tomato, Pedro.

He gave you a cheeky smirk with a look in his eyes as if he knew torturing you will never get old- unless of course you started crying.

"No, you idiot-," the second girl rolled her eyes as he sent her a playful glare for the insult. "-she's talking about the band."

"Wait, you were born in 1975?" you lightly asked, your mind all scrambled in your heard trying to figure out how old he would be now. "that m-

"Yes, I am old!" Pedro fake cried, holding his heart with his hand. "You don't need to remind me that these wrinkles will never go away."

"Well if you had a prepped your skin throughout the years your skin would have been as smooth as a baby's butt like mine," you heard Nick comment from his chair, eyes closed as Violet just laughed in agreement while applying sunscreen on his face.

Pedro just rolled his eyes as the first girl began talking again. "By the way, I love the 1975! Never seen them live though, but they are definitely on my playlists."

You smiled, already feeling comfortable within the environment. Maybe being alone wasn't going to be that terrible.

"I heard he makes out with fans during his concerts," the second girl scrunched her nose in disgust. "Isn't he worried he would end up catching something."

"He probably gets check ups all the time, Bella," the first girl commented, or you suppose Nico since you now know which one was Bella.

"I would catch any disease if it meant I got to kiss Matty Healy for five seconds," you replied, causing the girls to stare at you in astonishment that you just said that so freely.

Maybe talking about your favorite band is slowly making you more confident?

You heard Violet let out a loud laugh as Nick disagreed, saying something about how young girls are too adventurous nowadays but it was true. Matt Healy was a very attractive man whose kiss could probably heal heartaches.

"Isn't he like in his 30s? Aren't you a little too young to be kissing an older man like him?" Violet questioned, making you shrug.

"Maybe I have a thing for older men."

"Wouldn't call a guy who constantly makes out with fans a man," Pedro snorted. "That's a boy."

Nick hummed in agreement as you suppressed a laugh. "How old are you anyway?"

Standing up straight you stared at him and he did the same back. "Guess."

"That never ends up good," Violet chuckled before examining you up and down. "But 18."

Shaking your head, you were young but not that young. At least your skin still made you look like a teenager, god bless.

"25," Bella answered in which you denied that as well.

"29" Nico tried but was wrong.

Nick sat up from his seat to really figure out your age before easily answering "32" and becoming shocked when you denied it. "Woah, are we at least going in the right direction?"

"Violet was headed there."

Pedro sat up in shock at your response. "You're a teenager?!"

"Would it be so wrong if I was?" you questioned. "I would love to live longer."

"She's 21," the other makeup artist who was long forgotten during this conversation casually spoke up, eyes lifting from her phone. The rest of us just stared at her as she did the same back, confused. "What? She fantasizes over an older man but is doing an internship- sounds like what every 21 year-old does."

Gasping, you held a hand over your mouth as everyone laughed at how accurate she was. She was indeed right, but you wouldn't necessarily call your crush on Matty Healy a fantasy- just a strong imagination of being his lifelong lover that would probably never happen because he doesn't know you exist.

"She's right, huh" Nico spoke up as she noticed you didn't fight back.

"Sadly."

After that whole fiasco trying to find out your real age, Violet began working on Pedro after she finished with Nick. Nico and Bella were almost done with their makeup with the other artist when Violet called you over.

Walking towards the chair, you noticed that she had already finished his base with an extremely natural look, not wanting to add too much or it wouldn't look realistic.

"Can you brush his brows and apply some powder on places that need it? I need to finish Bella off with a few final touches," Violet asked, in which you nodded as she pointed to the products needed to do so. "Don't worry if you mess up, it doesn't need to be perfect."

That didn't make you feel any better.

Standing awkwardly as she walks off, you searched around her overload of makeup table to grab the items she just pointed at.

You decided to do his eyebrows first which would be extremely weird because you've never done this before- or at least to a man.

Surprisingly, Pedro hadn't teased you at all since you arrived by his side to help. He actually just laid there silent and watched Violet direct you through her moves before she left.

Maybe he was cutting you a break for once.

You were proven wrong when you leaned forward and aimed your hand towards his face before he quickly tried biting your hand, causing you to squeal and drop the brush on his face, jumping back.

"Very unprofessional," he declared, picking up the brush that had fallen down from his face to his neck up before looking up at you. "Do you hit all of your clients?'

"You did that on purpose!" you glared, smacking his arm as he sent you a playful wink.

"And what are you gonna do about it? Tell on me?" he teased until you grabbed the brush from his hands and swiped it across his brows hard, causing him to hiss in pain. "God damn, woman!"

Laughing as he gripped his forehead area, he gave you a dirty look as you begin the process of patting his face, even hitting his face a little harder than usual in some spots to make sure you got your revenge.

Once done, you examined his face to make sure you were pleased with the results- in which you were.

"All done?' Violet asked, walking up beside you, checking out your work. "Nicely done, but why does he look grumpy?" she added, as he huffed. "and why is he holding his face?"

"Who knows?" you shrug as Pedro scoffs, watching you walk away as Violet calls out afterwards that you were free to go.

As you were walking back to find where the rest of the interns were, you turned your head to find Pedro's eyes still on yours. You gave him an evil smirk as he pointed his finger at you before swiping his thumb across his neck.

You giggled, about to respond back but you were interrupted when a hand tapped your shoulder. Turning around, you find that it was two of the interns, Joon and the girl who was supposedly in love with Pedro, her name tag claiming she was Kendall.

Was this the girl that Jules went did her errands with? Most likely.

"Are you done with the makeup? We need help arranging the equipment for what's gonna be used today," Joon softly smiled as Kendall just stared at you with no emotion.

Nodding, you followed after them as they walked towards the other side of the set. Soon, you had forgotten about the actor and your little battle as endless wires and heavy weights distracted you.

It wasn't till you physically couldn't bare holding the strong stands that the three of you were told you could take a lunch break. Pulling out your phone, you hadn't realized half the day had went by with all the work you were too engaged in.

"You wanna grab lunch with us? We were thinking about going to this small cafe down the street, the reviews look great," Joon asked as Kendall just sent you a small nod in agreement.

The three of you got along pretty well during the hours you spent together. You feel closer to Joon as he did talk the most, but Kendall did try to start little talks so it wouldn't be weird.

I mean we all kind had to get along in order for this job to work.

"I would but I should look for my friend-"

"I think she had her lunch already, I saw her walking by earlier eating a burrito," Kendall replied. Of course she ate already.

Going over the idea in your head a few times, you nodded. You were starving and you suppose its better to not be a loner right now. "Why not?"

As the three of you walked through the set, you didn't miss some of the glances you guys received as your footsteps were pretty loud. It looked like they were wrapping up on one of the scenes as the director was in deep focus on whatever he was lecturing to them on.

"I hope you guys like walking because I took a cab here," Joon chuckled, causing you to laugh.

"Don't worry, I did the same."

Putting on your big coat, you waited until Kendall was done tying the scarf around her neck before walking towards the exit. Close to the door, you halted when you heard someone call your name.

"Y/n!" you saw Bella jogging towards you making Joon and Kendall freeze their movements.

Shifting slowly, you gave her a curious look. "Yes?"

"We wanted to know if you wanted to have lunch with us?" she smiled before looking behind you to find the two others. "You guys can come too!"

Swinging your arms in front of you, you reject her offer as fast as she asked you. "Oh no, no- I'm all good," you decline, not wanting to feel like a bother. "You guys enjoy your own thing-"

"C'mon, how else are we gonna tease Pedro if you aren't there to get him riled up first?" she chuckled as you felt your face on fire.

"Maybe next time?" you kindly suggest, watching as she pouts but nods.

Lifting her right hand up, she sways it around. "Alright, but don't be surprised if Pedro haunts you because of this."

"Why would he?" you heard Kendall quickly question, making Bella tilt her head at her fast counter.

"Because he's the one who asked me to invite her-." Bella casually states before turning to you. "-which you declined so I hope he teases you all week for leaving Nico and I hanging."

Ignoring the first part of her last statement, you playfully nudge her before waving your goodbyes as she skips back to the rest of the cast. Beginning your walk to the cafe, the three of you had little talk about where you grew up, which schools you attended, and why you wanted to work for the film industry.

If it weren't for the freezing temperatures you would say you really enjoyed the walk, too bad you couldn't.

It wasn't until you were seated that Kendall decided to speak her mind on what she was really curious about:

You.

"So, I wonder why Pedro specifically asked you to join him for lunch and not the rest of us?" she randomly revealed as you were taking a sip of your coffee, almost choking on it once you heard her clearly. "Do I sense favoritism?"

Joon stifled a laugh, shaking his head at her last comment. "Doubt it, but I did wonder the same thing until I realized she did help with their makeup. That's intimate enough to make her at some level close to them."

You don't really know Kendall but she's been decent enough to be around until the cast comes to mind. Maybe she wants to be close to them? You're not sure, maybe Jules was right about her all along- who knows.

What you did know though was she was very quick to question and jump to conclusions.

"What did you even talk to them about?" Kendall eyed you, making you tense up a bit. She is very intimidating when she's curious.

"Nothing much-,' you shrug, messing with the napkin in front of you. "Mainly about the 1975 since the girls are British."

"You like the 1975?" Joon asked and you nodded. "I love them!"

Ears perking up after hearing this, you smiled hard. This new information just made Joon 10x better.

"I don't know who they are," Kendall intervened, trying to find some voice in the topic.

The rest of the hour was filled with Joon and you playing the 1975's albums to Kendall as she tried her best to hide her annoyance by shoving her food in her face.

She was definitely not a fan of talent.

Going back to work was a bit easier than before after finding comfort with a lot of the people around you. The three of you were still stuck doing the same job as you heard some of the other interns were either picking up props needed for a scene or being a personal assistant to Finn.

In fact, you hadn't seen many people as rehearsal was moved to another building on the lot. Another hour or two went by before Finn went up to Joon and you to cut you for the day.

"At least we don't have to stay late," Joon beamed, taking off the gloves he was wearing before folding them back into his little backpack. "I heard he's making some people stay till 6 for some heavy-lifting duties- thank god I wasn't chosen."

"Why? Because you aren't strong enough?" you laughed as he let out a small gasp in offense.

"To think we were becoming best friends," he pouted. "But I had a back injury over a year ago so they can't really make me lift anything more than 30 pounds."

Feeling bad for teasing him, you immediately tried taking back your horrible joke. "I didn't mean t-"

"It's cool, no need to beg for forgiveness," he smiled. "Just a little something I don't tell many people, it isn't a big deal majority of the time."

Throwing a weak- but sincere smile, you nod along. Sure it wasn't a big deal right now, but later it could get worse. You didn't want him to know you felt bad but you assumed he knew by the pity upon your face.

Waving your goodbyes, you texted Jules to figure out where she was. It was a strange feeling not seeing each other all day despite working in the same building, but you did live together so it wasn't like you were missing much.

Finding her fake laughing at some guy's joke, her eyes met yours once you appeared by the door of the break room. Immediately, she patted the young boy who didn't look a day over 18 on the back before skipping happily towards you.

"I take it you had a fun day?"

"The best," she grinned, flipping a piece of hair behind her back. "I finally know what an affogato is- it really isn't that amazing as it sounds though. Just a shot of espresso poured on top of a drink."

Laughing, both of you continued down the hall in hopes of quickly finding a cab to take you to the subway. With the timing of your release, you were sure there was going to be so much traffic out these doors that you weren't ready to deal with.

Swinging the exit door open, you didn't expect to find Joon waiting outside with his hands in his pockets, looking down the street praying for an available cab to drive by.

"That hard to catch a ride, huh" Jules sighed, pulling out her phone as Joon slumped, bummed out. "Uber it is."

Seconds later you felt the doors behind you open again but didn't bother to turn, Joon and you too focused on peeking at Jules' phone as she complained about why an app that was supposed to be used when in need always took forever to arrive.

Two people walked a few feet to the side of you three and that's when you could see from the corner of your eye their figures stopping. Moving your head, you caught a view of a man scanning his phone and another glancing at you. It was Pedro.

"And what are you doing out here in the cold, you look like a chihuahua shivering to death," he chuckled, taking steps towards you.

"Is that a compliment?" you questioned, tilting your head as he gave you a smug look, making you guess for yourself.

"Pretty sure he's means you look like a rodent," Jules dryly commented, swiping through her phone before groaning loudly. "Goddammit! The nearest driver is 25 minutes away, I don't want to be waiting that long for a ride that's probably gonna be my whole day's pay."

Realizing the situation you and your friends were in, Pedro lifts a hand trying to get attention. "You guys need a ride? I drove here and-"

"No thank-," you intervene.

"-yes, please," Jules cuts you off, sending you a small glare as you gave one back.

You were not going to ask someone you met just this morning for a ride home. It's too much.

Pedro laughed at the sight of you two yelling at each other through your minds. Telepathy really works when it comes to your friends. Joon just stood there, not really caring what decision we came to terms with. He figured since Jules and you stayed with him long enough he could join along with whatever you two did, so it was up to you guys to make the final move.

"Okay, don't kill each other," Pedro joked, making you move your eyes away from Jules back to him. "How about I drive you three home and you can help me with my makeup this week- so you won't feel like you're taking too much from me."

Squinting, you made a face. "But I already have to do that- it's part of my job."

"She agreed! Let's go," Pedro exclaimed, waving his right arm to you guys to follow him, ignoring you as you tried to debate as to why doing your job wasn't helpful enough.

As Jules kept trying to shut your mouth by placing her palms on it during the walk inside the parking garage, Joon kept looking back confused. "Wait, what about the man? Was he leaving with you?"

Taking a quick glance towards the direction Joon was looking at, Pedro shrugged before pulling out his car keys. "His wife is picking him up."

Joon slowly nodded, not completely convinced that was the case but he'd let it go this time.

Hearing a car beep, you saw a very nice black car's light flash quickly. Walking up closer, Pedro went to the passenger side and opened it while staring at you. "Get in, loser."

Awkwardly standing there, you shook your head and look towards the backseat. "Uh, no- I'm fine with sitting in the back. Maybe Joon can have it since he is the tallest one here."

Joon shook his head. "I'm happy with sitting in the back, ladies first."

Pedro agreed with his last comment, lifting his head to get in the car as you continued to reject his kindness. He already offered you a ride home, you weren't able to take the front seat.

You both continued to fight about the seat before Jules flapped her arms and jumped inside instead. "We are not going to argue for hours over a seat, I'll take it."

Lowering your shoulders, you smiled as Pedro sent you a displeased look. Heading towards the door, Joon opened the door for you, kindly sending you a warm smile. You returned one back and moved to the seat behind the drivers.

Joon followed after you and sat behind Jules as you could see Pedro speed walk around the car, quickly jumping in. He turned towards the back, glancing at the two of you. "Where to?"

"Jules," you called out. She pulled out her phone and showed it to him before saying, "this is it."

"City girls," he blurted out. "The rats on the streets must be a sight to see."

"Let me see?" Joon asked before her phone was shoved to his face. "Hey, I live three streets away from here. Nice."

"We're basically neighbors," you nudged him, making him do the same as Pedro and Jules just stared at the both of you.

"Anyway," Pedro let out a small laugh, "let's go before I change my mind."

Putting the car in reverse, drive, and zooming off, we were on our way. The ride was filled with Jules playing with the radio, Pedro nicely trying to get her fingers off his screen, and Joon calling out the different trees he'd seen out the window the entire time.

At one point Joon even handed you his phone and asked for your number in case either of you needed help with the internship or the cheesy joke of one of you needing sugar in the middle of night.

Once he was dropped off, it took less than ten minutes to arrive to your apartment building.

"You can just pull in right there," Jules declared, pointing at an open spot in front of our lobby doors.

Taking a quit scan, you objected. "No, that's for emergencies only. Just go around the block, we can walk."

Jules protested, pleading Pedro to not give in to your nonsense. "This is an emergency- I want to go home already!"

"It's a red line; therefore, no parking."

Pedro laughed as you raised your voice, determined to not let him get away with this. You were not about to pay for a ticket just because she couldn't walk a few feet...and then a few more to get home.

"Is she always this stubborn?" Pedro jested, earning a hard raise of the eyebrows from Jules.

"You should see her when we study. If you aren't there on time you're kicked out of the discord." Smacking her arm, she huffs and smacks you back.

"I need to be apart of this discord," Pedro stated, making you roll your eyes.

"It's for students only, grandpa," you replied, causing him to gasp.

"That's not how you should treat someone who gave you a ride across town, intern," he retorted and pulled up along the red crub, making Jules laugh as you sent him a dirty look.

So he's pulling that card.

Jules opened her side of the door, stepping out before grabbing her bag and leaning down against the window. "Welp, I am going inside before he personally fires me for befriending you. See you inside and thanks Mr. man who can still get me fired even though he's not my boss!"

Next thing you knew, she was opening the entrance doors and sliding right inside them. It was time for you to go as well.

You could see him grab his phone, unlocking it, and then placing it right in front of your face. "Give me your number."

Scoffing, you pushed his hand away. "Not even going to ask?"

"We both know you're too difficult to easily agree to a question like that," he countered, pushing it back towards you, not leaving until you accepted it.

Was it unprofessional to be giving the main lead of a new television series your personal number? Maybe a lot of people do it, you mean there are plenty of workers who end up friends with cast members all the time on sets.

You're sure these workers have given their numbers away on multiple occasions.

Handing him back his phone, he grinned. "Great, now I can directly reach you whenever I need coffee."

"Only during work hours," you replied, shaking your pointer finger at him. "I don't get paid overtime unless I am on the clock."

He chuckled, twisting his body to get a better view of you. "Yeah, yeah. We'll see about that."

With that, he jumped out of the car and opened your car door, allowing you to step outside and be met with the freezing temperatures once again.

How much you hate the cold when its windy.

"See you tomorrow, kid," he scanned over, waiting for you to comeback with some snarky remark for his pet name.

Stepping away from his car and meeting the sidewalk, you turned around towards him to find him leaning against his door now, watching you to make sure you make it inside safely.

"Same with you- thanks for the ride, grandpa," you smirked, making him suppress a laugh as you turned your back to him again, making your way to the entrance doors.

Two feet away, you stopped when you heard him chant out your name. Seeing him inside his car with his passenger window rolled down, he tried his hardest to move his head against it to see you. "By the way," he started, "you don't look like a rodent."

Feeling flustered by the random yet sweet compliment, you tried hiding your big smile by waving him off, trying to hide your face with your hands and sped walked inside.

You hoped he didn't see the tint on your cheeks.

Unfortunately, your hopes never come true.

[f4iry-bell]

Grayson x reader argument angst/comfort

dates and bags

this was supposed to be in my current series but I've decided to stop it and so it's here!! idk if it'll come under comfort tho because it's just vvv little confort but YEAH!!!!!

It has been exactly a month since things started becoming a bit serious with Grayson and her. A month of pure contentment. But it didn't last long, it was like someone was praying for them to seperated because Grayson started being distant. Everyday phone calls became text messages, text messages became one word reply or being left on read. Weekly dates or just them going out together became rare. He barely answered her calls, he'd text her ‘im bust’ after ignoring her calls. At first she believed that he was actually busy with work, after all he had his own life. But how long can one stay busy? Probably Grayson Hawthorne but this time Grayson Hawthorne has a girlfriend or whatever they are right now. A serious commitment.

It took her three phone calls and use of imperative sentences to convince him to meet her at a cafe they used to meet. Neither of them spoke much once Grayson arrived at the cafe late. 

“So, how are you doing?” She asked him with a bland tone. 

“Fine” He replied with an aloof tone.

“Are you sure?” She asked with her eyebrows raised. 

“Yes.” 

“Then why have you been acting like an asshole to me all week?” She snapped.

Grayson was taken aback by her snapping. But he kept his cool. “No need of vulgar language to resolve whatever silly reason you're mad at me for” 

“Silly reason?” She scoffed.

“I don't think I have done anything for you to be this mad” He said.

“You've been distancing yourself from me and ghosting me for a week!” She tried hard not to yell.

“I told you, I have been busy. Plus, I do answer your texts.” 

“No, you don't. You say ‘ok’, ‘i'll text you later’, ‘i’m busy’. You don't answer me.” She cleared it for him.

“I thought you'd understand that I'm a busy man, I don't have time for you all day”

“But you did when we met! If not all day, you had time for me for at least an hour. Now you can't even spare me a minute” She breaks down, the anger now turning into hurt.

Instead of giving her a reason, a real reason. Grayson tried to leave. “Look, I don't have time for this. I'll talk to you later,”he said.

“Screw this. Don't bother. If you even bother enough to think about me.” She stood up, grabbing her bag and taking out a bill to pay. “I'm out of this. I'm done” 

“What do you mean?” He asked as he watched her move out of their table.

“You know what I mean.” With that the one romantic relationship that worked out well for Grayson ended.

_

She tried not to think about Grayson and how he used to treat her, she tried not to care at all so she wouldn't be hurt. But she failed every time. It has been exactly four days since she called it off and blocked his number, not that she was expecting him to call or text. At 1 in the morning someone knocked on her apartment door. She walked out of bed and started to think whether or not to answer the door, it's 1 am, who could it be? 

Sighing she opened the door just 3 inches to see who it was while holding a broomstick behind her. She was surprised and angry to see who it was. 

“Grayson?”

He smiled. “Hello, love” She can smell the alcohol in his breath.

“What are you doing here?” She asked, and she noticed he was still holding a flask. How much did he drink?

“I missed you” He looked at her how he used to.

“Well keep missing me, cause I'm not talking to you. Go back to your place” She said and was about to slam the door but stopped when he gagged like was going to puke. 

“Sorry about that. Anyways, you look so beautiful,” he commented with a cheeky smile. Her anger only grew.

“Did you drive here?” She asked and he nodded. “Are you stupid? Driving while you're this drunk?” She asked, followed by an annoyed scoff.

 She shook her head and asked him to book a cab and go back to his place again, when he tried to get closer to her he almost lost his balance.

“You're so frustrating.” She said and grabbed his arm to help him inside her apartment, she helped him to sit on the couch and went to grab a glass of water for him. When she came back he was drinking from the flask again, she snatched it from his hand and handed him the glass. “Drink this”

“Thank you” He drank it. “Shouldn't you be mad at me?” He asked. 

“I am.”

“Then why are you offering me water?”

“So you can sober up and leave”

“Wrong. Because you're nice,” he said. “Too nice. Too pretty, too adoring, too passing, too considerate” He kept going.

“All that and yet—” Grayson cut her off mid sentence by talking.

“I told my brothers about you” He said. “And what happened”

“What did they say?” She tried not to think that Grayson told his brothers because he thought he messed up.

“They called me an idiot” He smiled.

“You are”

“I know. They also said you deserve an explanation. I guess that's why I'm here” 

“Go on, explain”

“Like I said, you're just too good. Too good for me, I don't deserve you but I decided to be selfish when I asked you out. But I started to panic because I was getting attached to you, I thought this would just be a fling but it was becoming so much bigger. It wasn't supposed to be like that for me, I can't stay selfish for a very long time. If you know my family history you'd hate me.” He explained.

“You think you don't deserve me? Grayson, I'm not special. And that is no excuse to distance yourself from me. Do you know how much you've hurt me? And I don't care about your family history, I liked you for you. You as an individual.”

“You liked me? You don't like me now? I understand. It was a false hope for thinking you'd still like me, I did act like an asshole to you” He let out a fake chuckle.

She thought for a moment before speaking. “I still like you, you know. You can't dislike someone just like that, especially someone like you.” She said.

Grayson blinked “You do?”

She nods.

“Does that mean you'd be willing to forgive me? My brothers said I should at least try and ask you for another chance” He asked.

She rolled her eyes. “First of all you didn't apologise yet.”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For pushing you away because I hate myself and can't allow myself to have nice things” 

She sighs. “It's gonna take a lot more than a drunken apology.”

“So you'd be willing to try?” He asked with a hopeful smile.

She shrugged. “Now come on, let's get you to bed.” She said and took his hand, and laid him on her bed. “And don't you dare puke on my sheets” She warns.

He moved to the corner giving her some space, she climbed next to him and he wrapped his arms around her. “Is this okay?” He asked.

“It's fine.” She said, totally not bothered by his touch.

After five minutes of silence she spoke. “You know, you deserve to be loved. I don't why you think you don't, but you're a nice person, Grayson. And if you let me, I might fall in love with you”

“Thank you for saying that. Also, take back what you said earlier.” He said.

“What?”

“When you said you're not special. Because you are, to me.”

 She turned to his side. “Don't sweet talk me. You owe me multiple dates before I officially forgive you”

“Just dates?”

“And a bag, maybe.”

“Dates and bag it is then”

She smiled. “You're really good at pushing people. But this better be the last time. Okay?”

“Yes, ma’am” 

[seokmn]

chapter V : you were drinking without me?

wc: 868 words + screenshots

“yn!” seokmin called you out and waved at you with a smile on his face, you couldn’t help but smile back, feeling happy that you were finally able to talk to him. “hey seokmin! how was your day?”

the boy sighed and looked at you before speaking, “it was good, but also a bit tiring. what about yours?” you sighed as well, “though, i need a drink”

“got it,” he chuckled, “lets drink then!”, you looked at him with a smile on your face, “really?!” he nodded and your smile got brighter as you spoke “follow me! i know the best place ever”

you started walking and he walked right behind you, the first few minutes of your walk was silent, but seokmin got advantage of the silence and the fact that you were in front of you with your back facing him and he took a picture of you without you even knowing. after that, he placed his phone inside his pocket and cleared his throat before speaking, “can i ask you something?” he walked a bit faster so he could walk beside you.

“sure, drop the question”

“how are you so nonchalant about not having a soulmate?”

you gave him a small smile, “because in my pov is not the end of the world. sure, being loved in that way must be incredible, but im loved by my friends and family, theyre all i could ask for. when im with them i completely forget about this stupid string thing”

“i see.. to me is completely different. its impossible for me to forget about me not having a string with someone. you see, loving someone and being loved means so much to me.”

“youre quite a hopeless romantic person then, huh?” you looked at him and chuckled, “we’re here, lets keep the conversation going inside the bar”

you two entered the bar and sat down in front of a couple, you two looked to each other before getting up and sitting in another table. you ordered some beer and snacks. “so”, you took a sip of your beer before speaking again, “you said that loving someone and being loved means a lot to you, right?”

“right, i really want to live a romance, i want to feel the love. i want to sleep beside the love of my life and waking up with the person in my arms, i want to have someone who knows me more than i know myself, someone who knows what im feeling just by looking at me and always knows what to say to me, someone who i’ll be deeply in love with and makes me feel like i won the life because the feeling is mutual” seokmin looked at the couple that was far away from them since they walked away from them, “see? i want that, i want to look at the person with love in my eyes and see the love in their eyes as well”

you just sighed and nodded, “and its hard for us to have that…”. seokmin looked away and tightened his grip on his glass of beer, “this is so fucked up. everyone should deserve to be loved and to love, why does it have to be like this for us?”

“well, technically we can date, we can love and be loved so-“ seokmin interrupted you, you could see he was fighting to not let tears fall down, “its not the fucking same thing!” he took a deep breath and took a long sip of his beer, “sorry about that”

“its okay, really”

“i just dont think its the same thing, ill be in a fake relationship” he spoke quietly this time.

“so i guess you never been in a relationship, am i right?”, he chuckled bitterly at your question, “i am in a relationship” you looked at him with a confused expression, “its a long story, but she has a soulmate”

you nodded and you two continued the conversation, drinking and eating snacks. the conversation flowed into a light and funny conversation, you two getting to know each other and having fun.

eventually you started to get a bit tipsy and seokmin noticed, “i think we should call this a day” you looked at him with a offended look, “whaaaat? why? we’re having such a good time!”, he chuckled and shook his head, “yes, but youre getting drunk”

“aaand?”

“and im calling a cab to get you back home safely” he smiled and you rolled your eyes, “youre no fuuun!”

“yes i aaaaam” he said chuckling adnd making fun of the way you were speaking, “come on, lets go”

you pouted, but got up. fortunately you managed to walk without his help, once the cab parked in front of the bar seokmin opened the cab door and waited for you to get inside the car.

“wait! the bill!” you said putting your head outside the window, he smiled and pushed your head back carefully, “ill take care of it, dont worry. bye, yn”

“oh, okay.. bye seokmin!” you smiled brightly, “im so happy we became friends!” he smiled back and waved at you while the cab driver started driving, once the car was out of his sight he got back to the bar to pay the bill.

prev - next

INVISIBLE STRING

in a world where when you turn 18 you share an invisible string with your soulmate that only you and your respective soulmate can see it, seokmin, also known as dokyeom, is an actor in the musical theatre world that doesnt have a soulmate and keep it as a secret. meanwhile, yn works in a bookstore and doesnt seem bothered at all by the fact of not sharing a string with someone. is it possible to change the destiny and find your soulmate even tho you dont share the invisible string with anyone?

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

If You Can't Dance 2

Warnings: dubcon, noncon, other possible triggers. Proceed with caution.

Note: this is what you get when you encourage me. Please leave any and all feedback! 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

Part of The Club AU

The man lets you go as the bouncer approaches again. He hands over a green bottle of Perrier. The stranger uncaps it and offers it to you as the carbonation hisses from the open neck.

“Have a drink,” he says gently.

You take the bottle and gulp, the bubbles nearly choking you. He looms there with you, watching you drink. You pop your mouth off the bottle and stare at his lapel.

“I'm sorry,” you gasp, “I think I'll be okay now.”

“No need to apologise,” he assures you. “I'll stay with you until you're better.”

“You don't…” he leans in again and your breath catches, “you don't have to do that.”

“Oh, I couldn't leave you. Go on, have some more water,” he says, “Jonathan, by the way, I'm afraid our introduction was lacking.”

You're confused. You don't know this man. Why is he so interested? You glance over at the pretty girls in their mini skirts and strappy dresses.

“And you?” He prompts.

You give your name to the brim of the bottle before you swig again. You rub you cheek then let your hand drop to your stomach. You cringe at the gurgle in your stomach. 

“Have a bit much to drink?” He asks.

“I don't… I don't drink,” you answer, “but… they gave me it.”

“They? A friend?”

“Coworker.”

“Ah, a work outing. Rather odd choice for that but who am I to say? I was lured here upon the premise of business myself.”

You hand the bottle back to him and hug yourself. He twists the cap on as you peer down the street. They probably won't even notice you're gone.

“I should go,” you stand up, “thanks, uh, sir, for your help.”

“Go? Are you driving?”

“Yeah, my car is over…” you trail off as you brave a glance up at him. His blonde hair is tidy and his eyes are a perfect shade of sky blue. “...there.”

“You can't drive, you said you've been drinking,” he tilts his head.

“Oh, uh, I guess,” you peel around, keeping your arms crossed, “a taxi…”

“We could share? I have an early morning meeting so I'll be off about now.”

“Oh, no, that's fine–”

“I don't mind. In fact, I'd be more bothered to send you of not knowing if you got home safe,” he intones.

“But… you don't know me.”

“Well, you can't get to know people if you don't start there,” he chuckles lightly, “how are you feeling now, then? Calmer?”

You nod. He holds out the bottle. 

“Keep it. Finish it if you can. It will help sober you up,” he lets you take the bottle before he turns and raises his arm, hailing down the street for the approaching headlights. You'd be on the curb for a while before anyone saw you jumping and waving. That would be embarrassing. 

“Dear,” he looks back at you as a yellow cab approaches.

“I said…” you don't bother repeating yourself. People don't hear you. It's why you prefer email or IM.

The driver is there. That's a safeguard, right? The man, Jonathan, opens the door for you and you get in. He goes around the other side and gives his address, “but first…” he gestures to you.

You say your own address as you place the water bottle in the cup holder and buckle in. You stare out the window and watch the street roll by as the car pulls out. You keep yourself nestled into the door, making yourself as small as you can.

“So… coworkers… what do you do for work?”

“Code.”

“Ah, interesting, valuable skill set. I have many coders on my team. Always reliable, always honest.”

You nod. What do you say? Your work isn't exciting and the few times you worked with other coders were less than pleasant.

Silence. A strangling dearth of sound. You fidget, wiping your sweaty palms on your skirt. You just want to get home. The prospect of having to pick your car up the next day adds to your anxiety.

“I am rather too talkative for my own good,” he chuckles.

The driver seems to take a hint and flips on the radio. You exhale, relieved for the white noise, and refocus out the window.

It's an odd end to the night. You knew going out would probably be unsettling but this is all so strange. You suppose you've been in your own space for too long. You've never been good with other people.

As you recognise the street you're one, you sit up. Jonathan inhales and hooks one leg over the other. The driver steers around the corner sharply and nearly has you falling across the seat. You slap a hand on the leather and resist the physics. 

You peek up and meet Jonathan's eye. An accident that has you boiling and looking away. You see your house and lean forward.

As the driver stops, you pull at the purse slung around your body. You look at the meter and search for your wallet in the slouchy body of the bag. Jonathan tuts and flutters his fingers at you.

“My treat. Please, save your money.”

“But–” you gulp back a response. You should pay but you also shouldn’t argue with kindness. That’s what your mother always said.

You click the seat belt and let it recoil. Your hand is already on the door as you’re ready to run and hide. The man says your name. You pause and look back, not wanting to be rude.

“Well, have a good night,” he drawls.

“Oh, uh, thank you, you too,” you pull the handle.

“Very nice meeting you,” he calls softly, right before you close the door.

[znerac]

Come Closer

Sorry for my terrible exuses of titles LOL

Pairing: Obi-Wan Kenobi x ftm!Reader

No specific pronouns are used but if i make a part two the reader will be described as ftm

Part 2

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, No Y/N, Cheating (Readers Bf)

Words: 2.2k

Summary: after finding Kriz with another in bed, reader finds themselves in the arms of the general they've treated many times before.

.

Today so far was normal, patients were slow, and once you were off-shift you headed home. Of course, your apartment on coruscant wasn't the best, but you shared it happily with your boyfriend Kriz.

You found it odd how the door was unlocked, but brushed it off. You walk in with a happy 'im home!'. You begin to set your things on the counter, when an odd noise was heard. Of course, you thought nothing of it and called your lovers name. When you got no response, you got curious.

Walking over, your brows furrowed at the continuation of the noise, making your gut twist. Opening your guy's shared bedroom door, the pit in your gut deepened and your heart practically shattered.

The two in your bed jumped and your boyfriend started speaking, but you heard none of it. Walking out and shutting the door with tears welling up in your eyes.

You stood for a second in shock.

And then the tears started streaming.

You let out a choked sob and grabbed your bag, shuffling out just as your boyfriend came out of the bedroom.

Of course, you didn't have time to think, you were overwhelmed and disgusted. Rushing out of the building with a few held in cries.

Your mind was racing, and you didn't know where else to go but work, and so you did. You caught a cab back, and when you arrived you bumped into a few clones, apologizing profusely before you went back into your office.

It was pretty much the only place you could be alone. So you sat in your chair and held yourself, your mind going over the scene over and over. It plagued your mind, and it was too overwhelming, you nearly choked on your breath.

After about ten minutes, you heard a knock on your door. And you jumped, quickly wiping away your tears with a weak 'come in'.

The door opened, and you couldn't look up, staring down and grabbing mindlessly at a few papers, "can i help you?" you ask, thumb sliding over the documents.

"You bumped into one of my recruits, said you were upset. Is something wrong?"

You knew that voice, that voice was from a certain general who had a tendency to getting hurt. You looked up, surprised.

"General Kenobi? I- i uh it's nothing im fine, really" you lie between a smile. Obi-wan frowns, coming to sit down on the seat opposite of your desk. "You know very well i can sense that something is not right. Its better to talk about your feelings, you know. Why don't you tell me whats bothering you?" he says, asking again for you to talk. Your mouth wavers, opening and closing to speak. But you break out in a few more tears.

Obi-wan's eyebrows furrow, "Maybe i can help?" he offers, but you shake your head. "You.. Can't do anything. I just.. I" you pause to breathe. "I found Kriz.. With a girl.. When i went home" you say quietly. You watch as Obi-wan thinks, and it clicks. "Oh, I'm so sorry" he says, tone soft. You sniffle, shrugging. "Its.. Its fine. I'll get over it" you mumble, and he sits up. "But it's not fine, he broke your trust. Thats not just something you can forget." he explains, "i expect you probably don't feel like going back. I could offer you a stay in my quarters?" he offers, tilting his head to the side. You give a faint smile, "i.. I can't. I don't want to be a burden"

Obi-wans face contorts, "You're no Burden, Never" he says in an almost defensive tone. "Please, it would be be my pleasure. Besides, you deserve a break. Some peace" he excuses, standing up. "Come now, I'm not letting you be alone after such an event"

You smile faintly, appreciative of his caring demeanor. You stand up, grabbing your bag and slowly following him.

Obi-wan stays fairly quiet as you two walk, it feels tense. But somehow comforting. Although you don't really know the general all that much, you appreciate how caring he seemed to be.

Once you arrived at his quarters in the Jedi Temple, you step in a little nervously. But the clean and tidy surroundings make you just a little more at ease.

"What kind of tea do you like?" he asks, walking over to the set of counters and puts a kettle on. You follow, standing beside him. "I don't usually drink tea.. Just make anything you like and I'll drink it" you say, and Obi-wan looks over, "Ah.. Well.. I'll just make you one of my regulars. Unless you'd like something else?" he cocks a brow. You shake your head, "no, no its okay, I'll drink your uh, tea" you exuse with your hands up. He smiles, "Relax my friend, Take a seat. You could put on a holo if you'd like. Make yourself at home" he says, patting your shoulder and you nod.

You make it over to the little couch by the holo, taking in a shaky breath. Everything went by so quickly, and it felt a little unreal to even be here. You jump a little when you get a commcall on your wrist, but seeing the name your face scrunches and you quickly reject it. You end up taking off your link and setting it aside.

Obi-wan came back with two mugs, handing you one. "I sure do hope its alright, i just made it how i would usually for myself. But if you don't care for it theres always other options" he says, sitting next to you. You can't help but crack a weak smile, looking down at the drink in your palms. "Thank you"

He smiles over at you, and takes a sip from his mug. "Would you like to talk at all? Or would you prefer to just take your mind off of things?" he asks, tilting his head to the side and looking at you with those beautiful blues.

You think for a moment, looking at your transmitter before back at obi-wan. "Maybe later.. We can talk.. I just, want to relax for a little" you reply, and he gives you a nod. "Fair enough. Here, put a show on." he hands you the holopad, and you grab it. Choosing a random show you liked and throwing it up on the big screen.

You both sit quietly, until you start to talk about the show. Which, felt good. Obi-wan was a great listener. He looked over when you spoke, kept his attention on you, and replied when you asked him a question. It had been awhile since anyone actually gave you their full attention, and you were sure obi-wan could sense how thankful you were.

Eventually, you continued to drink your tea, actually finishing it too. "This was good, maybe your just great at making tea. I've never actually tasted one this good" you compliment, standing up. He furrows his brows, "well thank you, but, where are you going?" he asked, uncrossing his legs and sitting up. You pause, looking down at your mug. You thought he would want you to leave after the drink. "I don't know.. I kind of assumed you'd want me to leave after" you reply, and the other chuckles. "No such thing, I'm not sending you back there unless you choose to go. Please, Stay." he smiles, standing and taking your mug. "Here, I'll take care of this. Now why don't you go have a shower and refresh yourself, i have some clothes that could fit you." he offers.

You bite at your lip before sighing, "a shower does seem nice.." you hum, giving obi-wan a faint smile. He nods you to the refresher and you thank him before going, shedding your clothes almost instantly before hopping into the shower and relaxing against the hot water. You just let yourself stand there, soaking up all the warmth.

About five minutes into it, you hear a soft knock at the door followed with a "I'm just going to place these here, a Towel and something for you to wear" you hear obi-wan say. And you smile softly, thanking him before hearing him leave. You don't know how much longer you spend in there, but it just feels so nice you can't help but soak it up until the water starts to turn cold.

At that point, you get out and wrap yourself in the towel after drying your hair. You spend some time just standing there, going over the scenes once more. And then dry yourself off.

When you picked up the shirt obi-wan left you, you smiled a little. It was definitely his, or at least fit him. It was a plain white tee, and you slipped that on along with the gray sweats he gave you. It felt a little odd to be in another guys clothes, but you decided to savor the feeling. If your boyfriend could savor another person, you could let yourself at least wear these. You walked out, feeling a bit better and definitely more refreshed.

"Enjoy your shower?" you hear obi-wan ask, as he walks over to you from the little kitchen in the quarters. He handed you a plate with a neatly made wrap. "Oh, yeah it was.. Really nice" you say, taking the plate and thanking him for it. "Thats good to hear. Now how about you eat that, and then go take a rest. I'll be here, i just have some paperwork to do" he says, pointing to the plate. You cock a brow, "Rest? Like, sleep?" you ask. He nods. "I'm not taking your bed, obi-wan. I can rest fine on the couch"

"Nonesense. You can sleep in my bed, it's more comfortable I'd say. I'll take the couch, you need a good rest and I've had plenty." he smiles. You huff, thinking for a second. "You're not sleeping on the couch, this is your home, you can rest in the same best as me, we're both adults" you counter, and he raises a brow. "You're okay with that?" he asks, and you nod reassuringly. He gives you a final nod, "well then, please do get some rest. I still have to do some work" he says, giving your shoulder a small squeeze. "And if later when i come back, and you decide you don't want me to rest with you i fully understand" he says reassuringly before wandering off to his office.

You stand there for a second before going to sit, eating slowly and going over todays events again. It made you feel worse, but you couldn't help it. But what did help, was Obi-wan offering help and comfort. Which he seemed good at, and that made you feel a little better. Although, when you looked at your empty plate a few tears shed again. You get up to place the plate in the sink, and wander to obi-wans office. Gently pushing the door open. You watch with teary eyes as he turns his head and frowns. Then he stands, and faces you with open arms.

You don't hesitate for a second to jump into his arms and hug him. Feeling his arms wrap around you carefully, caressing your back to comfort you. You sob a couple times into his robes, leaving a small wet mark where your tears fell. But he says nothing, rubbing your back and letting you release those emotions. You spend a good couple minutes in his arms before pulling away, eyes red and puffy. And he smiles down at you, wiping the tears from your cheeks with his thumbs. "Let’s go lay, i can sense that you're tired" he suggests, and you nod. Turning and letting him follow you to his bed, and you glance at him before crawling in under the blankets. He waits a second, putting a finger up and going to grab a few clothes of his, and heading to the refresher. He comes back in just a simple sweatshirt and loose pajama pants, and asks you again if you're okay with him laying with you. Of course, you say yes and scoot aside so he can get in.

Once he gets comfortable, you wait for a second, biting your inner cheek. "Can we-"

He nods and opens his arms. And you shuffle into his arms, up against his chest with your head tucked into his neck. It’s comforting, and warm. And you feel yourself relax against him as he rests his arms around you.

Obi-wan moves his arm and suddenly you feel his hand in your hair. And you just melt, humming and leaning your head up into it. Of course he continues, and it just feels amazing.

It had been ages since anyone touched your hair, and it just felt special. Especially with how gentle obi-wan had been treating you. It was like he knew what you needed.

"Obi-wan?" you spoke up gently. He hummed in reply. "Thank you, for everything." you say in a somewhat weak tone, and he holds you just a little tighter. "Of course, Dear" he says softly.

You think for a little, feeling a buildup of emotions in your chest.

He kisses the top of your head, holding you closer, "It's going to be alright my dear, now just rest, okay?" he speaks softly, and you just nod.

Sleep was surprisingly easy to find that night.

.

.

Thank you for reading! Reblogs are appreciated ❤️

[river13245]

The Last time (Tony Stark x Reader)

Angst, no happy ending

Warning: Alcohol and Tony being an ass kinda

This was not part of the plan, nor the agenda for the night. You hadnt planned on going out and getting drunk. However when Thor and Natasha both came up to you telling you that you should go with them to the bar, you couldn't just say no.

What you didn't expect was Natasha to participate in a drinking game with Thor. The both of them had a much higher tolerance than you, since Natasha drinks more than you do. Then with Thor being an actual god his tolerance is so high that you think he will drink up the whole supply. But when they started asking you to join the game and taunting who were you to say no. If you were anything...its competitive.

Thor and Natasha both had a higher tolerance than you since you didn't drink much. It also doesn't help that Thor was a literal god and Natasha drank at every party Tony threw..which was quite often.

So after an hour or two you were drunk while they were only tipsy.

Even in your drunk state you knew this was a bad idea but before you could stop what you were doing you had knocked on Tony's front door. Tony and you had an off and on relationship. The problem was he couldn't ever just commit to you.

Before you could turn to leave, the door opened and their stood tony wiping off his hands with a wrag and wearing his sweatpants and a tank top. He then looks at you "y/n"

"Tony" you said softly, Your eyes were red and wer leaning against the doorframe. "are you drunk" he asks and you shake your head but instantly regret it

He sighs "I thought we both said that we wouldnt see each other anymore." You steady yourself against the door and cross your arms glaring at him. "Yes I know that you said that..i just..I know this is a bad idea but can you please just hold me for a minute."

He nods and wraps his arms around your waist pulling you close to him. Your face rests against his neck and arms wrap around his torso. This is all you have ever wanted, all you have ever wanted was him.

You were getting lost into the moment that when he pulled away you had to force yourself not to frown. He pulls his phone out "im calling you a cab so you get home safe" you nod

Once you got home you climbed into bed and thought about all the times you would go back to each other. You always knew it would end the same way but it was like routine. It wasn't ideal but you get used to it after a while

-----

A month or so goes by and you had promised yourself you wouldn't go back to Tony. You had been able to keep things professional between the both of you. Everything seemed to be going fine until one night you heard a knock on your door.

You were in your pajamas watching a Disney movie when you heard the knock. The only people who ever came to your place was Natasha or Thor so when you opened the door you didn't expect to see Tony.

Especially the state he was in. Tony looked as if he had been crying, his hair was a mess and you could smell the alcohol he had been drinking. "Tony" you said in a soft voice not wanting to speak to loudly.

He placed his hands on your upper arms and looks at you "y/n I am so sorry for the way our relationship is. You mean the world to me and I don't know why I cant change for you. But I want to, I really do."

As he speaks you smell the alcohol and you know this isn't really him talking. This is how it always goes, you let him into your heart over and over again just to watch him go again. It never gets easier. He never sees the way you ache for him to love you for longer than a few days before he leaves again.

Placing my hands on the sides of your face I kiss your cheek and I repeat the words I always tell him. "its always been you Tony, I wish you would see that"

He looks at me and nods but I say something else. Something new that I haven't said before. "this is the last time I let you through my door" He kisses my lips before pulling away "this is the last time, I wont hurt you anymore."

You knew how this was going to end. But you figured why not one more time. A little love now is better than none at all right?

-----

How wrong you were, you had told yourself you wouldn't let it hurt you. Not anymore but when you woke one morning to find Tony packing his bag and grabbing his keys it still hurt just like all those times before. "Tony"

He freezes before turning to look at you. "y/n". Looking at him as tears fill your eyes you nod "There's someone else isn't there?" Tony refuses to look at you for a moment and that's all the confirmation you needed.

"I'm tired of asking to be the one you want. When time and time again you leave and break my heart in a blink of an eye" The hurt in your voice is very noticeable and he walks closer to you and says "I wont hurt you anymore" before placing a kiss to your cheek and walks out of the house. Leaving you behind for the last time.

[atxxzist]

broken | c.s (05)

prev // next // series m.list

pairing: choi san x reader

word count: 5.7k

warning: san is awful im sorry, depictions of anxiety & trauma, lots of insecurities, very brief smut scene, pls do lmk if i missed anything!

the irony of it to rain on such a day might just be a pure coincidence, or maybe life really is cruel and it's a sick reflection of your current situation.

you're sure it's just the weather but it does feel like the sky is laughing at you; at the conflicts running rounds in your head and all the unanswered questions that only keeps adding up.

you exit the bathroom with showered hair and slightly drenched clothes, eyes immediately landing on san's angled figure as he goes to search the fridge for something.

it's the first time he doesn't instantly kick you out or tried to leave after sex, instead having told you to get cleaned up and proceeded to hand you a set of clean clothes.

you don't know why or how he just has that laying around considering he lives alone and very much only wear men's attires. or perhaps you do, but you don't allow yourself to even think of the possibility.

you stand still in your spot, unsure of what to say. the last time you actually had a proper conversation with him was so long ago, if you're not spewing something suggestive in response or moaning his name, it's like you don't know how to talk to him anymore.

fortunately, he notices you before you're to say anything.

"hey, you're back," he says, coming off a little too enthusiastic that has your head turning towards the light once again; that small ounce of hope that he's happy to see your return.

"hey," you reply with a smile.

he closes the fridge--your attention moving to the can of sprite in his clutch as he takes a sip. he's in sweatpants and a black t-shirt, hair still a little wet and messy from having just taken a shower before you but he looks so good. he always does.

"want one?" he offers, gesturing to the drink in his hold. you shake your head.

he hums and proceeds to take another gulp. you continue standing in front of the bathroom door for a few more seconds before heading to the couch with small, awkward steps.

your palms dig into your knees and your lips are shut tight as you think of something to say; something that will make the time spent with him all more memorable in comparison to the ones before.

"hey, san..."

the weather was more leniet at first--only small sprinkles and droplets that coats your eyelashes, making your vision all more blurry. but it grows increasingly worse.

the sprinkles and droplets morphing into heavy rain that wets the pavements and has everyone rushing for any kind of cover--including you.

you find yourself under the hood of a convenience store with at most three other people, hoping the rain will die out soon or at least enough so you guys can continue on your day, though knowing it's not going to happen any sooner.

the weather doesn't magically change just because it's bringing misery to all those around.

and you would've taken a cab, but just yesterday you realized that most of your spendings went to cab fares--going and coming back from san's place, if you continue on any longer, you just might wind up penniless by the end of the month.

so you opted for traveling by foot since the distance from campus isn't too bad. you just didn't think mother nature would have other plans in mind.

you don't even notice how close you are to the entrance of the store until someone's chest hits your back, causing you to fly just a step forward.

"sorr--" both of you utter at the same time; you turning around and the word gets clogged immediately because it's not a stranger that happened to bump into you, but someone you recognize.

"oh... what are the chances." yeosang laughs; the door slamming behind him.

he has an umbrella in one hand and a bag in the other.

"right, what are the chances," you repeat after.

"waiting for someone, or?"

"no," you deny with furrowed brows. "it's raining hard."

"oh..." his eyes light up. "just as they forecasted. reason why i brought an umbrella, though it was pretty light before."

right... the weather forecast. why didn't you think of that?

"what do you like to watch?" you ask, the idea having came along because of his tv situated in front.

he doesn't answer right away, settling on a short silence first.

"just movies and the occasional dramas."

you nod slowly, deciding if you should pry any further, because ever since the first question you asked him, you've gathered up a strange amount of confidence to make up for your curiosity regarding what kind of person san is.

he didn't seem to be on board with it the first time, but he was somewhat neutral about it the second and third time, answering without the bitterness that used to grace his tone.

his answers proved to be very efficient in filling up a certain section of your notebook you've titled: facts about choi san.

birthday: july 10th

favorite color: purple

major cat lover

"any specific ones in mind?" you pry either way, but in the end, curiosity does indeed kill the cat.

he appreciates your efforts; the willingness to learn about someone like him, but he's told you... that it won't matter. because soon enough, you will see that he is someone not worth knowing; not worth all the time or efforts.

he answered your questions in hope of you understanding that--not because he somehow had a change of mind. and he really doesn't want to do it; he thinks you're too sweet and too kind, but he's gonna have to.

because if he doesn't do it now, he's going to have to do it some time in the future--tell you what all of this between you and him really is, and that you have it all wrong, even if he's the one to feed the idea into your head.

all this deeper talk and getting to know's--it won't matter and it likely never will. because choi san doesn't do relationships and he has never loved anyone ever.

"what were you even doing out and about anyways?" yeosang asks.

you want to snark back just because he's yeosang and for all you know, that might've been a jab. but you don't.

because he's allowing you to walk back to campus with him, huddling under the lone umbrella he brought.

"i just got back from the first day of my job."

"ah," he lets out like it's all coming together. "that was kind of quick."

"what is?" you turn to him.

"well, the job field has been kind of tough lately. and you found one pretty fast. that's kind of impressive."

you snicker, because a compliment from yeosang is almost too uncanny, and also because it's definitely not impressive at all. if only he knew how you came about getting the job.

you had a similar conversation with mingi and yunho not too long ago; them with equally eager ears to hear about how you went at scoring a job before them.

if you wanted to give them a heart attack, you would tell the truth. thankfully, you care for their well-being.

"i guess so..." you mumble.

he doesn't answer; the both of continuing on with light steps, kicking the wet pavement that causes the water to rise and then drop.

you feel surprisingly at peace; calm, and like you can breathe even if just for a short while. how odd of you to feel such a thing when yeosang's by your side.

you sneak a quick glance his direction, but it's enough to catch how far he has the umbrella toward your end, it's barely covering him--proven when you slouch over slightly and see that his side and shoulder are wet.

you take the initiative to grab a part of the umbrella's handle to scoot it over to his side.

"your things are going to get wet," you refer to his short snacks run. you're definitely not concerned about him.

he looks down at the bag from your comment, seeing that only the side is partly damped, he shrugs it off.

"almost there," is all he says; you trying to keep from rolling your eyes and protesting when he scoots the umbrella back to cover your entire head.

"you walked here?" he shifts the topic.

"well, yes," you answer.

"and you didn't think of taking a cab or having someone pick you up in this weather?"

"no..."

no one you know--that being mingi and yunho, owns a car and a cab is out of your budget, and that despite the standing of yours and san's 'relationship' as of currently, you hoped he would've at least offered you a ride or something.

because he was the one who got you the job, and you did told him they finally called you back; that you were scheduled for training the following day.

just wishful thinking.

the dorms is within view soon enough; yeosang walking with you to yours and stopping at the front where the rain cannot reach, fast to shrink the umbrella away.

his and yunho's room is just in the next building, only a short walk ahead.

"next time, bring an umbrella or check the forecast at least." it sounds like he's scolding you and you can't help but to crack a tiny smile.

"okay, mom," you reply playfully and he scoffs in return.

"and don't think i'm growing a soft spot for you or something. but it would truly be a shame if i left you out there. can't have yunho and mingi worrying if something was to happen to you."

you roll your eyes but let a dry chuckle escape. because though his words are harsh, something tells you he's just trying to put on a front and probably doesn't mean it. at least not all of it.

"whatever you say." there's a provoking smile on your face, but he brushes it off.

"see you," he mumbles hardly audible and already turns his back on you, but stops in track when you shout his name making his feet shuffle around.

he doesn't say anything, only raising an eyebrow.

"thank you," you utter just loud enough for him but with a softer tone you didn't even know you were capable of.

confusion strikes his expression as if he heard it wrong, but when you don't budge--only keeping a still smile on, his face relaxes.

"yeah..." he replies.

tears seem to have welled up in your eyes; a radiant glow in them that san can see even from where he's standing.

he didn't mean to snap at you like that--having came off so short and annoyed from your eagerness and nonstop questions. he knows you're delicate and fragile; he knows.

but you wouldn't stop asking; wouldn't stop prying, and he had to do it. but now that your palms are rubbing over your knees with trembly lips and tears pricking your vision, he definitely does feel a little shitty.

a heavy sigh leaves him, one hand raking over his hair but he still puts his drink down to walk to where you are, taking the empty seat beside.

your lashes flutters once and a lone tear drops down to your cheek before you wipe it away with a sniffle.

he's definitely had his name cursed before but he hasn't exactly had a crying girl who makes him retract even for a mere second.

he scoots closer, shortening the gap and his hands reaches for you to look at him; clasps on the side of your face so he can meet your eyes--dull, sad ones--different to those he's used to seeing that's overflowed with hatred and anger.

"hey, hey..." he murmurs whisper-like, thumbs soothing over your skin as if you're a wounded animal and needs only the utmost care or you'll break any moment.

"you okay?" his gaze sinks into yours and it could've convinced you he really does care. perhaps a part of you already believes it.

"i-i just don't get why you always get so short-tempered when i ask something..." you manage to get out through the quivering on your lips.

his eyes drop to his lap with a low sigh before he fixates them on yours again.

"i just don't think they're that important."

“even if i answer, it won’t matter.” his words from last time all of a sudden coming back, and they ring so similarly.

your lips distort into a pout, both your hands slowly creeping up to overtake his.

"i just want to know more about you. that's it," you say almost like a whine.

it's probably annoyance that crosses his face; him having told you more than once already and still, you're insisting.

"baby," he coos, his touch are like silk when he goes to tuck some strands of hair behind your ear. he thinks your eyes are even sadder without all the loose strands in the way.

"you're overthinking."

silence fills the room shortly before you speak again.

"then... can i just ask you one last question? only one more."

the hesitation that graces his body language doesn't go unnoticed, but he nods and ushers, "go ahead."

you have to swallow down the pit in your stomach; ignore the voice in your head that's probably internally cringing, because what you're about to say is going to make you sound pathetic as hell.

"a-are we in a relationship?"

it's the question that's been on your mind for the longest time ever since he kissed you and more. all of this... what does it mean?

the way he's unmoved in his position with a blank expression makes you want to recoil. because though you're practically an amateur when it comes to such a thing, you do want him to say yes.

"no? i don't think so?"

the deep disappointment that leaves your chest along with a rough exhale has san scrambling for a second attempt. his hands has moved to his laps by now, but his eyes stays gawking at you.

"well... define relationship. there's many kinds."

now he's trying to deflect; prolong the painful revelation for just a little longer. because when he breaks it to you, he knows it will hurt a lot.

"i mean, are we dating?" you keep your gaze trained on him, eyes not even wandering for a second--like if you keep it there, he will answer faster... though you already know what he's going to say. the first answer he gave is very telling.

you were just hoping you could defy all odds.

"no."

there's no shame or embarrassment in the way he said it. you almost wish there was; that there would be even just the smallest of guilt that slips out. but nothing. he doesn't even feel sorry enough to detach from your gaze. in fact, it has never left.

"then... what are we?"

the ease in his movements and features; lacking of any kind of tenseness that has taken over you completely tells you this is a much bigger deal to you than him.

"we're..." he drags his words before finishing it off, "friends." a smile settling on him after that makes you feel so sick--whether it's from how attractive he still looks or how the answer brings out so many other questions.

"friends?" you reiterate like you're in denial.

"yeah, friends."

"do friends sleep with each other?" kiss each other, visit one another and spew such sweet, blush-inducing words that conjures up butterflies?

"some friends do."

the aloofness and the attitude; it's all like he's rehearsed this exact conversation before. or maybe... maybe you're not the first one to ask him such a thing, but you have to mentally shut that thought out.

you're quiet and you're thinking--thinking of so many things. your hands are clasped together in your lap and your eyes has dropped to his knees as if they're the most fascinating thing at the moment.

he swallows down and is the one to break the silence.

"but, if you don't want to be friends, that's fine as well."

your head snaps up immediately at that and you look almost scared, terrified of the possibility of not being able to see or be with him again.

he takes one of your hand into his while the other one strokes over the skin of your cheek with care before placing a kiss on your forehead; his touch such a contrast to the harshness leaving his mouth.

"you don't have to give me an answer now. but, when you make up your mind, call me or something. either way, i'm not going to be mad or upset."

he smiles and finally lets go of your hand and of everything else that he has connected to you.

one minute it's like you're so close and the next, he's slipping away from your grasp and everything else around you is growing dimmer; darker.

"you should go. keep the clothes."

and like every other times, you always do. but you can't help but think if you had not asked him that question; not let the eagerness and curiosity get to you, maybe he might've let you stayed longer.

you lay awake in your bed, the room a little dark but that's the least of your worries.

granted, with yuna being your roommate and all her decorations and paintings being shoved in your face, you would think you'd be familiar with them by now. but you haven't really spent much time breaking down her choices and the stories behind them--with art not really your type of thing.

but with the former anxiety that has crawled into your system again, your body tense and racing with nothing to do, your mind latches onto any kind of distractions--even if short term.

yuna has exactly three paintings that she has hanging. she wanted more at first but opted only for those she thought showed off her skill the best; limited by space and an intense dislike for clutters.

the lotus from before is situated in the middle and the other two yields similar color stories--of soft and pastel pink with dashes of blue here and there.

you're absolutely clueless about art, but it does give you an idea of what yuna likes and how much the style fits her personality if you know her personally.

the one on the left is more abstract, the pink and blue really sticking out in the pattern she painted them in. while the one on the far right looks like an actual drawing before plastering all the strokes over it.

it's of a princess and a prince, standing in front of a blurred castle staring into each other's eyes and you can only assume they're deeply in love--at least judging by the long black curves yuna had drawn on her and his mouth that depicts them smiling.

or maybe they're not in love, that's possible, too. after all, it's yuna's art, not yours. but you do wonder what exactly yuna had in mind when she made it.

because everything and everyone has a story; san, too.

and now... you're just overthinking things.

so you close your eyes and let the exhaustion from today consume you, drifting off to sleep where the mind can relax and all the weight of the world disappears temporarily.

~

you're sitting on your knees, everything dark around you except for the only source of light being a light bulb that hangs above your head.

whether you're in a room or not, you can't tell. but it looks like the darkness stretches out beyond; like if you keep walking, it'll go on forever.

then your eyes drop to your lap--your hands palming them and you're taken aback because your fingers... they're a lot smaller; and you catch the jeans you're wearing, then the light blue cardigan that you haven't seen in so long--it was an outfit you often wore back in grade school.

suddenly, you hear a voice. a loud voice; a female voice. she's angry and her words hold so much passionate hatred in them, a switch in your brain goes off because there's only one person who you recognize in this tone: your mother.

after she speaks, a new, different one comes in just as loud as hers, but he's frustrated; defeated. it's your father.

you can't make out what they're saying anymore because their voices merge together to create a concotion that makes the hair on your skin rise, producing a vibration that is felt through your whole body at the vile nature of it all--

your eyes snap open, beads of sweat forming on your forehead as you attempt to catch your breath.

when you shoot up to read the time by the nightstand, it's the awful revelation that only an hour has gone by, still seven in the evening but yet, it felt so much longer.

the image of what you just dreamt creeps up and you have to squeeze the headache away.

it's been so long... or at least a good while that you had one of those dreams; nightmares if you can call it that.

not the kind that's usually plastered on covers with monsters crawling from under beds or having been body swapped with a bee. but the ones that serves as a reminder of how much of a burden your existence is--to your parents, to your aunt and uncle, and to all those around you.

“have you ever had intrusive thoughts that keeps you awake at night? or things that just, no matter how hard you try pushing to the back of your mind, you can’t seem to get rid of?”

was it that you really couldn't think of anything, or were you just hoping that if you put a band-aid as a solution to the problem; move to a new town and leave everything behind, it will go away on its own?

entry #5

i had one of those dreams again... at least a good portion of my senior year leading up to me moving to seoul had been okay... probably because i had some kind of hope to cling onto--that being a new beginning and all. i used to get them a lot, shortly after moving with my aunt and uncle, and even they started appearing in them, too, along with junseo after he broke up with me. i'm still not 100% what causes them, but i do notice a pattern that it usually occurs when i'm in great distress and my mind whirls into the deeper end. i think i'm overstressing myself too much regarding san...

you do everything in your power for the next couple of days to keep your mind occupied so it doesn't think of san--doesn't think of junseo's words because if you linger on it long enough, you just might believe it.

that you really are undeserving of being loved, and all the pains you've suffered were brought upon by your own lack of competence.

you have to really not think; just keep your mind running with a backlog of things to do.

mingi and yunho are suspicious at first of the sudden high volume of requests to hang out but don't think too much of it, just glad that you're going to places that aren't the cafe or library.

yuna also started staying in more, telling you the gatherings and hangouts are getting stale and causing her to have a burnout so she needed a break.

she is a ton of fun to be with and always has an idea in back up of a first idea.

"a date?" you repeat to make sure, your voice turning high.

she nods, at the same time painting over the nail on your ring finger with the chosen yellow shade.

"so, will you do it?"

when she first brought up the idea of doing your nails, you didn't think it'd come with a request as well--her having scored a double date with a cute guy at one of the gatherings with the only problem being she doesn't have anyone else to bring along.

you shift in your spot with hesitation, her silk sheet under brushing against your skin.

"i'm not sure."

she drags another stroke over your pinky before looking up to stare at you.

"his friend might be cute!" the way her eyes go wide is kind of endearing.

you release a quiet giggle, her face at first as equally amused until something seems to click in her head and her eyes go even wider.

"oh! or do you already have someone else? that guy, san, right?" she tilts her head, asking with genuine curiosity. she just didn't expect for the smile on you to falter so quick, she draws back immediately.

even if she doesn't know what you're going through, your reaction is already quite telling.

"sorry..." she mouths.

you shake your head, and throw on another smile though less sincere this time.

"no need to be," you tell her. "i was just wondering if i go on this date, am i going to have to wear something fancy?"

"nope! but if you want to, you can."

"even if it's not anything demanding like that, i don't even think i have a proper attire for the occasion."

she quirks her lips to the side and hums before it looks like she has already found a solution. it's that knowing look in her eyes you think you're starting to get good at picking up.

"you can borrow some of mine!" she says with some kind of excitement that has her flickering the tip of the brush up that you won't be surprise if you find specks of yellow on the wall.

but at her comment, you have to really take in her build and stature, eyeing her up and down. you're not sure if that's going to be possible given she's at least an entire size smaller than you.

"i'll have to think about it," you tell her with a nervous smile.

she lowly breathes out a sigh of defeat.

"okay fine, that works, too. it won't be for another week, so take the time to charge and then let me know."

you'll admit it doesn't sound too bad after some careful considerations. you need all the distractions you can get and this just might be perfect.

you'll be too busy thinking about this 'date' and getting the perfect hair and outfit and how to make a good first impression that san won't even cross your mind at all.

won't even think of what he's doing or why he didn't tell you sooner--what the relationship between you two really is, and why he dragged it out for this long.

yeosang talks to you again and he's going on about setting up a place and time to meet since the second exam is around the corner. and you're thinking it can't be more perfect.

you will have the stress of exams and your professors weighing you down, you won't even have the time to dwell on san even for a bit.

you accept every invitation from mingi and yunho to hang out, whether at the arcade across the street, the rundown movie theater in the shady parts of town, or mingi's and wooyoung's dorm.

you'll also act like the thoughts of wooyoung, being in the proximity of his belongings when in their room doesn't remind you of a friend of his.

but when the night falls and you close your eyes, junseo's words will ring in your head, and despite also hearing your friends' protests in the background where they already debunked everything he had to say about you, you can't help but to think it holds some truth.

that there is definitely something wrong with you and no one would ever take you seriously. your friends told you he's wrong, and you want to believe he is. but even san doesn't want you like that.

no amount of arcade games, dressups, or endless brainrot studying can cure your insecurities and the need to seek out something new but familiar to fill in the void.

because you do want to be loved. not out of pity or out of concerns for your well being in the friendly nature mingi, yunho, and everyone else around you is guilty of. but something more than that.

when your lips call for a kiss, when your ears yearn for whispered sweet words even if they're web of lies, and when the ache between your legs cannot be easily solved with your unskilled fingers, you find yourself at san's doorstep.

because though he may not want you like that, he doesn't treat you like complete shit. he's nice enough and even pretends to care at times.

after all, he did helped you find a job and if it wasn't for him, you would've gotten trampled at the first ever party attended.

the crisped weather has dwindled and the waves of heat are starting to pick up as the month of may settles in, the warmth pricking your skin when standing in front of san's door at eleven in the night time.

when he finally opens, it's how you immediately relax at the sight, him just standing in a t-shirt and shorts, hair damped and a couple strands falling over his eyes.

it's pathetic how safe and homey he makes you feel; how your stomach relieves at just seeing him again.

he looks surprised to see you, of course he is. who else would be knocking on his door this late? maybe only a girl so deprived of love, she will take even the crumbs he give her.

"hey?" he utters, uncertainty in his delivery with one hand still gripping on the handle. but his voice. it's so soft and you haven't heard it in so long.

"m-may i come in?" you ask, for a moment about to draw back and wonder if you're coming off too desperate. but you came crawling all the way to him at this time, so in probability, it can't get much worse.

he nods and lets you in, your eyes wandering the interior that's also familiar.

and san could act like he cares about the proper etiquette of welcoming a guest (in your case an affiliate turned stranger); maybe even get them a glass of water or usher that they can sit anywhere they like, but he isn't one to beat around the bush, especially not on this subject... well, or at least after he's made it clear what the deal between them really is.

"i'm guessing you finally made a choice?" he speaks from behind, slamming the door shut. and judging by your arrival, that can only mean the one choice you decided on.

you turn to him, a shy color on your expression that he won't admit he misses a little as well.

"when you said friends," you mumble, feet naturally striving toward him as if he's a gravitational pull. "d-did you mean we can still..." your mouth tightens itself, unable to deliver the word feeling a blush creep to your cheeks.

you already fucked him so why the hell are you still acting like a damn prude.

a melodic giggle leaves him, him taking steps to close the remaining space until he's so close, you can hear his heartbeats.

fortunately, he knows you... a little too much for your own good.

"yes," he continues where you left off, lips drawing into a smile that brings out those dimples you like so much. you missed them, too.

"whenever you need me, beautiful," he whispers, one hand caressing the side of your face as he strokes with gentle brushes. "i'll be there, to take care of your needs and to make you feel good."

but that's it. that's as much as he can do for you.

"are you fine with that?" he awaits your answer, eyes boring into yours and there's something so scary about the way you're looking at him; something so unsettling about there being no signs of hatred or anger which he might have preferred to being stared at as if he's the most illuminating thing you've ever laid your eyes on.

you nod, a building sensation creeping up that tells you're going to regret it, but you want san. you want him so bad.

so so bad that when he finally kisses you again, you'll act like there's a genuine motive behind how his flesh moves against yours, and when he throws you on the bed, inching to your ear to whisper those sweet words you want to hear, you'll act like it's not a complete lie; that he's not just saying them in the heat of the moment.

when he slides inside of you, you'll pretend it's not just pure, filthy fucking. nothing to dissect behind his movements or the way he's hitting that spot so perfectly.

you close your eyes to indulge in the feeling, and in his temporary words and actions that indicates you guys are something.

after you both cum and he's still laying on top of you trying to catch his breath, he lifts himself slightly to take in your features, suddenly bringing one thumb over to your lips.

"we can stay like this, right? just like this, me and you."

you'll also act like his words doesn't stand as a reminder of reality; of what this between you and him really is.

but when you get out of bed to look for the rest of your clothes, everything starts sinking in like a gnawing pain that runs through your entire body. regrets, sorrow, misery--you don't know which is winning right now.

san doesn't get to tell you to leave, because you're the one who offers. he'll pretend to be taken aback like you don't have to go right now, but you know he's relieved he doesn't have to be the one to say it.

when you get back to the dorm, you feel like absolute shit; like a shadow of the person you barely were, but still, you know that in a couple of days or maybe even sooner, you will go back to him.

and you will wallow in his web of lies and false affirmations just to feel wanted for that very brief moment, only to wind up in the same position you're currently in. you will.

next // series m.list

taglist: @sorryimananti-romantic @revehosh @cookiechristie @avantalem @atiny68 @belletiny @shibera @mochibabycakes @justineasian @eastleighsblog @baguette-atiny @crimson-mia @yeosxxx @m4rsluv @sleepychimm @atz-diary @diorwoo @naiify @becauseiloveyunho @damagelove @softie00 @s-nsanshine @atinytinaa @moonseonghwa @lemontreefantasy @wooyoung4eva @yeosangsbiceps @likexaxdaydream @knucklesdeepmingi

[supernova25]

Can't Love You Anymore

a/n: im in a writer block i need to post something so here you go <3c/w: angst :3 | wordcount . . 264 | masterlist

It’s about time you talked to Scaramouche about this. It’s been bugging you for a while. You tried to put things back. You tried fixing it, you both have. You both try to ignore the fact that it’s so awkward whenever you two are alone. It wasn’t like this before. But at this point, how can both of you love each other again?

You were about to call Scaramouche when your phone rang. It was him.

“Where are you?”

“Where are you?”

You both say simultaneously.

“Oh... I’m at home”

“I’m in a cab”

Scaramouche was probably coming home from a long day, was now really the best time to talk about this?

“Are you almost home?”

You ask, thinking if now was the best time to talk about how distant you guys were. No matter how much you both try there's no fixing it. You two have been fighting more often, the fights usually leading to someone walking out.

While you were lost in your thoughts you hear Scaramouche sigh 

“...I’m sorry”

Sorry? Why was he sorry? Was it because of the fights? Because of how distant you two were? It’s not his fault, not yours either. Did he think all of this was his fault?

“For what?”

“Just…everything”

“Go home”

“I left my wallet”

“...Hey... Nevermind”

Did you actually want to end things with him? You still loved him. What about him? But even if he did how could you two ‘fix’ your relationship? Was it even possible to fix your relationship?

“What is it?”

“I don’t think we’re in love anymore”

[ladysophiebeckett]

Thank you for your kind reply to my ask 😊

You are absolutely right about the night in El Mesón de San Diego. He didn't even want to introduce her as his assistant, he was that ashamed to be seen with her in public even when it wasn't on a romantic term and was solely work related in front of all those people. What was he thinking asking her to go back afterwards? He even asks her if she thinks he is embararrassed to be seen with her because he refused to kiss her in front of everyone. Me thinks it was because he was acting as if she was not there since they arrived forcing her to have to introduce herself. Part of me wonders what would have happened if she had ditched Armando there after finishing her phone call to Nicolás and taken a cab home 😂😂😂 too bad she had to return his cellphone.

Before, I think I was also referring to the part where Betty storms off and Armando chases after her. I remember they were getting quite a few glances their way by the time she tells him that he cannot force her to stay because he cares way too much about his image and about what other people say. When he goes after her, I think he punches (or slaps?) a table and even collides with someone on his way out, and there were many people looking at him and gossiping in the back. I can't remember if they told Marcela about their fight as well.

lots going on here regarding el meson ep. lets backtrack a bit.

im so sorry this is like, super long and i tried to edit it. but like, i couldnt. im all over the place here. read at ur own risk.

the reason they go to el meson is bc betty eavesdrops on his conversation with mario--mario tells him to 'take her out to dinner, take her dancing, make love to her. whatever it takes to get her do el balance'. and then says that betty shouldn't get so used to going to fancy places, that armando's already taken her to business dinners and cocktails. that that wasn't going to last forever for her, not just bc of marcela but bc of armando's image.

then she challenges him to take her to el meson--which he does. (but he doesn't want to). as u said, he doesn't even introduce her as his assistant. and betty herself is surprised by this. look at her face:

at the very least she expected him to introduce her as his assistant. it's the bare minimum and he doesn't do it. so she does it herself.

the entire time inside el meson is betty challenging him and goes as far as saying that he has no problem being seen or publicly kissing beautiful woman, that it's just her he has the problem with.

this isn't the first time betty has brought something like this up.

the discussion of his public image vs her looks is something betty talks about that night at mario's apartment. she says he could never be with someone like her in public, she talks badly about herself and armando in that scene begs her not to talk that way.

betty does it again at el meson, but with a passive aggressiveness that armando doesn't know how to subdue. he's not being kind, he's not being attentive. he's nothing like the man betty was with at mario's apartment. mario says at some point that betty is testing him, in a way this was a test. she put this situation into practice and armando is failing. i think sometimes betty hopes to see the man she thought armando was before the letter and the date at el meson is another hurtful truth that that man doesn't exist.

so what we are left with now is a betty who's hurting and wants armando to hurt as well, to suffer at being by her side. he insists that something is going on with nicolas and betty's like 'okay i'll prove to you that's not true by kissing you' and armando is all too aware of the setting and doesn't want to kiss her there. he's actually thankful that marcela interrupts them with a phone call.

a big contrast to when they're trying to leave the picasso exhibit and marcela calls him and he's upset.

the fight you mention, the one inside where he hits the table--is bc after his phone call with marcela, he checks his phone and sees that betty never called her house. that it was nicolas she called. he becomes furious and he's like 'she wanted to kiss me but she's calling nicolas on MY phone'. he hits the table and yells at her, she retaliates. we know from here what happens. and yes ppl are looking at them. for a second, his anger and jealousy over the nicolas thing, take over and its not until betty gets up that he tries to stop her--

armando's face here is one of quiet torment. he knows she's right. he's hurt by how right she is. he also realizes that this relationship is out of his control. there's too many things happening and he doesn't know how to salvage any of it.

He even asks her if she thinks he is embararrassed to be seen with her because he refused to kiss her in front of everyone.

he wants to go back inside and talk things out and she refuses, she does say (paraphrasing) 'it mortifies you to be seen with me' and he denies it and then he, imo, belittles her feelings when he says 'why? because i wouldn't kiss you in front of the whole world? because i wouldn't touch you in public?' not only does it belittle her, but he's also taking out his frustration at the situation betty has put him in.

he then tries to kiss her bc at this point the jealousy he feels takes over, however he keeps trying to convince her to go back inside with him bc he wants a do over. he wants to kiss her, he wants her to go back inside so he can prove to her he's not ashamed of her. but its too late. even after he acknowledges his behavior 'i know i wasn't the best person in there'\'ive always done things wrong'. he didn't just fail an unknown test, he failed her and himself.

it's another contrast to the night at mario's when he is able to convince her to stay with him, where he is kind and gentle and honest with both her and himself. (u know aside fm betty's tragic backstory).

Part of me wonders what would have happened if she had ditched Armando there after finishing her phone call to Nicolás and taken a cab home 😂😂😂 too bad she had to return his cellphone

nicolas convinces her to stay bc he has his own ulterior motives, but i think if betty really wanted to leave in that instant she could left his phone in the hands of one the waiters bc they all know him there. i dont think betty would have gotten very far, and he still would have ran out after her. probably gone to her house, as he is fond of doing.

and there were many people looking at him and gossiping in the back. I can't remember if they told Marcela about their fight as well.

everyone saw them fighting, even outside u can see ppl in the windows fm the restaurant. but all marcela is told is that betty was acting very affectionate with him. and she's only told this by one person. you're bringing up something very interesting--everyone protects armando fm his infidelities. everyone saw something that was not work related happening at el meson. everyone knows armando is a cheater. so seeing him cheating, even if its with someone that's not a model, it's like natural thing for them to see. and the only one that thought to tell marcela was monica and it wasn't even the whole truth.

also--the image thing that armando is so worried about--is all in his head, bc at the end of the day he's still a man with high class privilege, so even if he was out in public with betty being affectionate, he would still be protected. betty wouldn't. clearly bc marcela never blames armando for anything, not really. she always blame the women around him.

double standard sexism amrite? idk how to end this post.

[nonexistent-introvert]

Birthdays (paper stars 9)

Paring: Joel Miller x f!reader

Word count: 4K

Content: Joel’s birthday, Sarah and Joel’s dynamic. Swearing (Im not sure my brain isn’t working.)

A/N: I went for HSLOT recently and idt I’ve truly recovered. Anyways enjoy this long chapter that is more messy than anything bc I’m writing this at 1am to deal with the fact that it’s a weekday tmr.

Paper stars masterlist

Tommy wanted to bury himself six feet under. The atmosphere, the tension and the sullen looks on Joel and your faces made him incredibly uncomfortable. He had spent almost an entire week before he managed to convince you to hang out with him and Joel. He had spent the same week assuring Joel that he would help make things right between the both of you. Tommy could not keep up a conversation between the three of you, he could only have a single conversation with one person at a time while the other drifts off into space.

You were trying your best to mask your emotions. The various notifications from Joel still sat unread and unnoticed on your phone. Tommy could tell that you were trying your best to keep the mood up with smiles that never quite reached your eyes, polite smiles that you had given to everyone. Joel used another strategy to masked his emotions, he didn’t hide his true feelings behind smiles but simply a blank and unreadable look. Preferring to withdraw himself.

“I fucking give up. What the hell happened between the both of you. You guys have never been this distant with each other before.” Tommy snapped, folding his arms over his chest. SImilar to an adult trying to settle a disagreement between two children. Joel glanced at you, his eyes shining with vulnerability. You looked behind Tommy’s shoulder, shuffling your feet with a small smile on your face. “It’s nothing Tommy.”

“Nothing?” Tommy huffed, “I could have been catching up on sleep today but I decided that i would play peacemaker between the two of you and this is what i have to go through?” tommy complained. “I never asked you to play peacemaker.” Joel muttered. A comment that earned him a single cold glare from you to which he looked away after. “Well, I’m sorry then. I’m sorry for always sticking my big fat nose into your affairs Joel. I guess I would always be the younger brother trying to kiss his older brother’s ass to you.” Tommy spat. Joel was losing his patience, paired with the lack of sleep and constant worry from the past few days, it was an understatement to say Joel was losing it. “Yeah? I’m glad you realised-”

“Enough already.” You pushed Joel away from Tommy. “Fucking hell.” You ran your hands through your hair. “Yes, something happened between us but as you can see none of us here is ready to talk about anything.” You told Tommy calmly. Tommy clenched his jaw, sparing a glance to you before he closed his mouth again. Biting back any remarks he was going to make. He quickly hailed a cab, slamming the door before the driver drove away.

“What the hell has gotten into you?” You shouted at him. Shaking your head in disappointment. Joel stood still, his eyes casted onto the floor. You pursed your lips, how much of him have just been a projection from your past? You turned your back when you heard his heavy footsteps. He held your arm with a firm grip. “Can we talk? Please.” He asked, his eyes boring into yours. You looked at him, contemplating an answer. He looked down, trying to find the right words. “You have been ignoring me and everything I did to reach out. Just listen to me this time and I’ll stop bothering you.” You didn’t miss the hurt look that flashed across his face when you wrung your hand out of his grip.

“What the hell was that to Tommy?” You asked, feeling unjust for your best friend. Tommy was trying to lift the mood, he didn’t deserve receiving those comments from Joel. “Fuck, I just- I just snapped at him. I’m sorry- I. Fuck I’m just a mess.” he laughed cruelly at himself. You leaned against a railing, inviting him to do so too. “Hey, just-calm down.” You comforted, Joel was sweating, his breaths was uneven. He already had enough health issues to worry about.

“I-. I meant to say that I’m sorry for standing you up. I didn’t mean to I swear. I just got carried away with the drinks.” “With another girl?” Joel’s eyes widened, did you see him? “You saw me?” You sighed, “I walked past the bar on my way back.” Your heart sunk, Joel had just confirmed your suspicions. “No, you got it all wrong. She’s Tommy’s girlfriend. I was with Tommy that day.” Joel let out a shaky breath, “Tommy asked me to go get drinks with him, he wanted me to meet his girlfriend. Her name is Maria.” You opened your mouth to ask for a further explanation. Then all the thinking you did for the past few days hit you, him drinking with another woman shouldn’t bother you. “I-I honestly don’t care that you’re drinking with others Joel. I was just upset that you stood me up without a further notice.” “I’m sorry, I know it doesn’t help but I just got carried away. It won’t happen again.” You turned away from him, a heavy question on your mind.

“Would there even be an ‘again’?” Joel tilted his head in confusion. You closed your eyes, swallowing the lump that was forming in the back of your throat. “What was that dinner even for Joel?” It was just another phrasing for the cliche question, “What are we?” He would notice if he knew how to read between the lines. Joel furrowed his eyebrows, the wrinkles making their presence known. He knew exactly what you meant, but the doubts that formed that day was present today again. “It’s just a simple dinner.” He replied. You nodded, chuckling lightly at his answer. It was all in your head all along. “I see.” You replied. “Thanks for clearing it up.” You smiled to him, a smile that seemed so distant.

“Are we… good?”

“Yeah, I guess we are.”

Joel knew he gave you the wrong answer as he watched your figure retreat into the distance. He kicked the ground frustratingly. It was for your own good. He told himself.

=================================

It was anything but good. Everything changed after that. You stopped coming around for dinner, Joel stopped coming around at night. The only time you talk to Joel is when Sarah is around. You started keeping yourself busy with work and other friends. Joel focused on his business and Sarah. It was like you guys had started waking your own separate paths.

Tommy noticed of course. His relationship with Joel went through a rough patch after that day too. It eventually evened out, like all the rough patches he had with Joel. At first he thought that the both of you just never resolved whatever happened. However, Joel wasn’t his distracted self, he was in fact even more focused than before. You started smiling and laughing more carefree, grinning from ear to ear when he sees you around or through pictures of you on social media with your friends.

“We settled it.” Joel had told him but your absence in Joel’s life made him realize that even if it may be resolved, something big had happened.

“Uncle Tommy.” Sarah snapped Tommy out of his daze. Tommy tightened his grip around Sarah’s hand, leaning down to ask her what’s wrong. “Do you know what happened between Dad and -“ Tommy’s loud sigh cut her off. He didn’t need her to finish her sentence to know. Sarah had always been an observant kid. Tommy shrugged, “Been wondering the same thing too.”

“It’s just- it’s dad’s birthday in two days. I want all of us to celebrate it together with him but Dad and her seem weird around each other.” Sarah confessed. “Weird how?” Tommy opened the truck’s door for her. “Their conversations seems very forced and awkward now. But Dad still looks at her like a lost puppy. I caught him looking at her from our kitchen window.” Sarah laughed at how Joel insisted that he was just in a daze. Tommy chuckled, “If Joel hears that, he will be whining non stop about how he’s not.” Tommy buckled his seat belt, “Just do it. The only thing I know for sure is that they would do anything for you.”

================================

Tommy was right. You couldn’t decline Sarah’s invite no matter how much you wanted to. When she showed up at your door, a handmade invite to come for Joel’s birthday. You agreed immediately, not realising the consequences of your actions. You rubbed your face with your hands as you stood in the store, stressing over a gift for Joel. Joel is the person you had fallen for ever since you were young, from a crush to feelings. Then he disappeared for a few years but his presence was always there with you and now you stood in a store stressing over a birthday gift for him after he had snuffed out any hope that he had feelings for you. Even if you were still struggling to come to terms with that fact, you still had to suck it up and celebrate his birthday because you didn’t want to deal with Sarah’s disappointment.

“Are you looking for a gift for your lover?” Lover, you almost scoffed in reply. “No, he’s just a friend.” You told the older lady who had came up to you. She smiled, “Hmm, but he is not quite just a ‘friend’ is he?” You rubbed the back of your neck, were you that obvious, what if you were thinking out loud? You mentally cringed at the last thought. “Pardon me if I am overstepping.” the old woman apologised upon witnessing your silence. “Oh um, you’re sort of right. He’s an old friend but..” You admitted with a sheepish smile. She shook her head in amusement, “I recognise that look. We tend to have the worst dilemma when it comes to picking out presents for the people we love. Simply because we want it to be perfect for them.” She continued, admiring the various items on display. “I’ll give you a tip. I’m sure he’ll appreciate something that shows off more of you.” You gave the old lady a questioning look. She chuckled warmly, “I used to be the same as you, but one day I didn’t know what to get him so I simply wrote a card for him. My old man cried and up till now, he still keeps the letter tucked in his work desk. He says he reads it whenever despite how many times I told him to get rid of it. It’s embarrassing.” The old woman eyes crinkled as she thought of her husband, a look of adoration evident on her faace.

You pursed your lips, deep in thought before a look of realisation dawned upon you.

“Thanks! I think I know what to give him now.” You grinned, bowing a little to her.

The paper stars, you’ll suck everything up and just give it to him.

“We have enough of these trinkets home.” A voice interrupted the conversation you were having with the old woman. She smiled at the man who had came up to him, the very same look of adoration was given back to her despite how he had just complained and you knew immediately that this old man is the same man she had just mentioned. “I was just having a conversation with the lovely lady here.” She clarified. The old man eyes drifted to you to which you gave him a meek wave. His look changed, as though he recognised you. You brushed it off, smiling at the couple before you. “Oh dear, we got to go back. I have to cook dinner tonight.” The old woman reminded as she glanced at the watch on her husband’s wrist.

“Have a nice day.” the man bidded. “I wish you luck. You’re a lovely woman, I’m sure he will notice that soon enough.” The old woman said. You nodded as you waved to the old couple, envying them. Their body language, how they treated each other. You could tell from miles apart how deeply in love they were with each other.

“Darling, did you know who she was?” The old man questioned, the old woman shook her head. “No, she just reminded me of how I looked when I was younger and trying to pick a gift for you.” She admitted with a laugh. The old man stared, trying his best to recall where he had seen you. “Oh!” He exclaimed. Excitement shined in his eyes, “Remember Joel? I think she is the woman he was talking about then, with heart eyes.” The old woman face brightened up too, “Oh, the lady in the picture!” She said, thinking back of when she had questioned the photo he had kept in his wallet. The old man nodded enthusiastically. “Well, I really do hope that she’s referring to him then.” the old woman sighed before retelling the conversation to him. He grinned, “It probably is him. His birthday is tomorrow.” The old woman smiled, “I hope everything goes well.” The old man nodded, thinking back on the boy who had came up to him and pleaded for a job back then. “I wonder how he’s doing. He was of great help. A quick learner and a great man. I think he helped attract a few more customers with his looks too.” The man laughed which earned a slap from the woman. “We ought to have him over for dinner someday.” The man nodded in agreement. “Maybe he’ll bring her along too.” She giggled

==================================

“Happy birthday Joel.” the words repeated in your mind. A constant reminder in case you panic and end up a stumbling mess in front of him when he opens the door. You were late, you tried your best but it just had to be today that you had difficulty getting away from work. The door swung open and you blurted the word ‘happy’ before Sarah’s face greeted you instead. “Dad’s late.” she told you, disappointment evident in her voice.

You walked in, pressing on your phone. “I’ll pester Tommy.”

Tommy picked up, “Hey,Thought you were Sarah.” He greeted. “Are you with Joel?” “Mhm yeah, man would not get out of his office. I tried multiple times but he’s stubborn.” Tommy complained from the safety of his own office. “What is he doing?” You questioned. “We got a big customer recently, its a make or break one. Joel is giving it his best plus he has been pretty focused on work these past weeks too.” Tommy said. You sighed, “I bet he forgot that it was his birthday.” He always did, he was never one for birthdays. Tommy stretched from his seat, “Yeah. How’s Sarah? It’s pretty late.” Tommy glanced at the clock. “Disappointed, I was late too.” You told him. He sighed, “I’m trying my best.” You nodded, reassuring tommy before hanging up.

“He’s swamped with work isn’t he?” Sarah asked, you sighed, noticing the disappointed look on her face. “Yeah. Are you tired?” you sat down next to her as she flipped through the channels on the TV. “Kinda. But I’m fine.” “Sleep first then. I’ll wake you up when he’s back.” You suggested. “No, I’ll last.” She insisted, her eyes fell to the box beside her. “That’s the watch?” You asked excitedly, trying to avert her thoughts away from the disappointment. She handed it to you, “Do you think he’ll like it?” You smiled looking at it. It was a pretty ordinary watch except for the green strap. The green that reminded you of Joel. “Maybe he will actually start being on time for things now.” Sarah laughed. “You have a good eye.” You complimented, gently placing the box back onto the table. Sarah groaned as she stared at the clock again, you listened to her complain about Joel but you know that despite her complaining, she knows deep down that Joel was doing this all for her. “What did you get for him?” She asked. You handed her the large jar of paper stars you had brought him. “Paper stars?” She questioned. “Yeah, it’s stupid I know.” She grinned, “No I didn’t mean it that way. Just asking if there is a hidden meaning.” She asked,. You stared at Sarah, only just realising that she had the same brown eyes he had. “Hmm, it’s a stupid meaning too.” She stopped boucning around, stared at you and gave you her fullest attention.

“I liked him when I was younger but I thought it was a crush. I figured that everytime he did something that made my heart flutter I’ll fold a paper star for him. When one day it fills up, I’ll confess. If it doesn’t then it would just be a crush.” You simply explained. Her eyes lit up. “You like Dad!” She exclaimed in excitement. You blushed, you couldn’t bring yourself to deny it. “But you never told him?” She questioned, admiring the paper stars that you had so pain painstakingly folded. “I moved away before I could.” You told her, deciding to leave out the part that he had also just gotten together with her mother.

“So are you going to confess to him today?” Sarah asked, “Cause I would definitely accept if I was him.” She added on. You shook your head, “It will just ruin his birthday and my day.” Sarah frowned, “Your dad, he-he doesn’t see me that way. Never did it seems like.” Sarah hugged you, catching you off guard. “I honestly doubt that.” She muttered. You smiled, her hug was consoling you. You hoped that she was right too.

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Sarah was lying on your lap fast asleep. Your legs were becoming numb but you still stayed still. The sound of keys made you quickly nudge Sarah awake. “I think he’s back.” You muttered. She rubbed her eyes groggily before she processed what you told her. Sarah sat up, you could tell that it was taking all her control not to open the door for him. The moment Joel;s figure peeked out from the door, Sarah tackled her father. You heard Joel chuckled heartily.

“Happy birthday Dad!” She exclaimed, long forgotten that she was disappointed a few hours ago when she realised Joel was late. “Can’t join in. Only managed to get him home by doing the remaining work for him. Enjoy.” Tommy messaged. You typed out a quick reply before looking back at the door. Joel had picked Sarah up, you quickly helped him with the door as he placed his suitcase by the wall and removed his shoes. Sarah’s excited words and Joel’s calming voice fading into the background as your heart pounded in your chest. Why were you nervous?

“Hey.” He smiled to you, you nodded meekly. Even in the dark, his smile seemed to glow, it seemed brighter than usual today. “You guys were just sitting in the dark?” He laughed, using one hand to flick the lights on. “How else were we supposed to surprise you? Plus it saves us electricity.”

You didn’t miss how the smile on Joel’s face falter. He didn’t want Sarah to worry about the bills at home. “Happy birthday Joel.” He grinned at you, his eyes becoming small as he smiled so widely as he put Sarah down. “Sit down!” Sarah led him to the couch. He placed his arm over the cushion and directly behind you. You stiffened slightly at the contact. He casted a worried glance towards you, cautious to not overstep boundaries but you leaned back anyways. Your body slowly relaxing in his touch. Sarah thrusted the box to Joel, his gaze narrowed at her. “What’s this?” “Just open it” you laughed.

Joel eyes widened at the sight of the watch. “Well you keep complaining about your watch.” Sarah started, eyeing Joel carefully for his reaction. Joel plucked the watch out from its box delicately and put it on. A proud grin spread across his features as he stared at the watch, it suited him well. “You like it?” Joel hummed. “Honey, it’s nice but-“ “What?” The panic in Sarah’s voice was evident. You looked at the watch, resisting the urge to roll your eyes at Joel. He glanced at you with a mischievous look. He tapped on the watch, “I think it’s stuck.” Sarah grabbed his arm over, glancing at the watch. “No, no.” She rolled her eyes at Joel’s antics “oh haha.” She replied sarcastically, shoving Joel’s hand away. “You’re so annoying.” You remarked. He simply laughed. “Where did you even get the money for this?” “Drugs. I sell cold hard drugs.” Sarah laughed, snuggling to your side. Joel admired the watch further. “Great. You can start helping out on the mortgage then.”

You gently sat up, “Where are you going?” Sarah asked. “I’ll take a picture of the both of you.” You smiled. It was simple, no cake, not even dinner. Joel probably loved this, a tiny feeling made you feel like you were interrupting a private moment. “No. You haven’t even gave Dad your gift.” Joel raised his eyebrows in surprise, you wanted to scoff at his response. Sure you were a bad giver but he expected nothing? You pursed your lips, your jar of paper stars felt silly after a watch. It was as though your gifts had been swapped.

“This is stupid but here.” Joel looked confused by the jar of paper stars. Then it occured to him that it was the same jar from that day when you chased him out of your house. The very same that he fumbled with. “It’s not stupid.” Sarah defended, she wished you had more confidence in yourself. “So that was what-“ “No, kinda. Long story.” You clarified. “I ruined your surprise didn’t I?” Joel asked, his eyes boring into yours. “No. It’s just-“ you wished you had a way with words. Joel would have made a teasing remark about how you should have kept the surprise better but he was smart enough to realize maybe now was not the time.

A silence fell between you two. A silence that made everyone uncomfortable. Sarah was panicking inside. “What would uncle Tommy do?” She wondered in her head, only he will be able to break the ice. “Let’s take the picture.” She suggested instead. “I’ll take it.” You offered but Sarah dragged you down. “Join the photo.” Joel suggested. You looked at Sarah who nodded enthusiastically.

Sarah sat on Joel’s left after hitting the timer while you were on his right. His arm was behind you while he pulled Sarah tighter. His hand hung over Sarah’s shoulder, the watch she had bought him in full display. The jar of paper stars were balanced between your lap and his. Sarah posed with a peace sign and Joel pulled you closer, earning a grin from you.

The photo soon joined the frames of photos that was decorated around Joel’s house.

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The paper stars now stood on Joel’s nightstand. He had glanced at it, wondering what was the significance behind the paper stars. You were never one to buy just random gifts, plus you had it for months. There was definitely some kind of sentimental value. He sat down on the bed and pried off the lid. Staring and gently shaking the jar as he watched the stars move around. There must be a memory, maybe from childhood? He cursed his ageing memory.

He flicked on the lamp on his nightstand. His arm accidentally brushing the lid off to the floor. He sighed, picking the lid up. His eyes widened in surprise. There was a letter on the floor, he stared back at the lid. It had been taped onto the underside of the lid before.

He leaned against his pillow, staring at the letter that was titled to him. He admired the handwriting of his name, wondering when you had written this.

“Dear Joel, you’ll never read this but-“

Joel’s eyes drifted close before he even finished the sentence. Exhaustion catching up with him.