humhowellujah

[humhowellujah]

i find it funny that conservatives try to paint me calling for the death and destruction of multi-billionaire CEOs as some radical "woke liberal" standpoint. as if that even has anything to do with politics, especially in this era of surface level circus politics. the same way they try to politicize the hurricanes or the wildfires destroying parts of america, as if climate change is somehow a red vs. blue issue. it's no secret i'm from a deeply conservative family in the sticks of florida and i still grew up hearing "i fought the law and the law won". the healthcare system has fucked each and every member of my family in a different way at one point or another, as is the case with pretty much every family in this scorched earth nation. remember when country music, the genre currently associated the heaviest with the most conservative faction of america, used to be staunchly anti-government and about sticking it to the man? remember when the coal miners, grandfathers to the "trump-er hillbillies" of appalachia that everyone loves to write off as ignorant, fought tooth and nail for unionization because the companies that were built off their labor didn't give a shit if they lived or died? since when has "upholding traditional values" gone hand in hand with... defending lawmakers and oil tycoons. my family and i complain about the same issues at the dinner table. the men in charge better hope they can keep their digital smokescreens running as long as they can because the moment the rednecks and the hippies lay down their swords long enough to realize they have the same enemy, all hell is gonna break loose.

[humhowellujah]

Jocelin carmes

digital illustration

[humhowellujah]

[humhowellujah]

Smoked that shit that made me forgive myself

[humhowellujah]

Queued right up for it

[humhowellujah]

we need to be weirder & so so earnest now more than ever

[humhowellujah]

it happened. they signed my phrosthetic leg

[humhowellujah]

Dan and Phil’s Terrible Influence Tour, Anywhere, Earth

[humhowellujah]

Two of my fav phineas and ferb posts

[humhowellujah]

[humhowellujah]

iamhalsey: Hey. I just wanna say; I looked and felt like this two years ago and every step forward I have come since then is a miracle. I’m figuring it out on my own time, thank you to everyone who has been along for the ride. Also I’m cute as fuck now, so that’s great. 🤍

[humhowellujah]

isn't it crazy how you can listen to a song that was so important to you for the first time in years and know exactly where you were and how you felt when you heard it for the first time

[humhowellujah]

thank you to walt peregoy for making scooby doo where are you! even more memorable as a child

[humhowellujah]

been offline. didn't really know where else to put this aside from my journal, but god. i am so fucking devastated about liam. i'd already been revisiting 1d's albums in the days leading up to his death, and it still feels so unreal that he's gone. it feels so terribly, terribly wrong.

i've been thinking a lot about the impact one direction had on me during my formative years -- so much so that i mentioned them in my own father's eulogy. he was always very particular about what music played on the radio - mainly opting 80s hair metal - but anytime he was driving with me and heard a 1d song playing, he'd stay on the station and quietly turn the volume up so we could listen together. he knew how much i loved them -- i had their faces plastered in posters from teen magazines all over my bedroom, an abundance of t-shirts, and every album on CD that i played on repeat on a small blue stereo i kept on my dresser. in a way, him listening to one direction with me was a silent "i know you love them, and i love you."

i'm not a stranger to grief. even nuanced, complicated, ugly & uncomfortable grief. i lost my dad when i was 16 years old, and i grieved as a child who spent 16 years of ups and downs with her father. somehow, i feel like i'm grieving liam as an 11, 12 year old girl. all i thought about day and night from the 5th-10th grade was one direction. my heart breaks for my younger self with her teen magazine posters and tumblr blog and scribbled lyrics with hearts on her math homework. my heart breaks for all of my middle school friends who i danced around with making music videos to their songs at slumber parties. my heart breaks for the boys, for liam's family, and for him.

[humhowellujah]

[humhowellujah]

[humhowellujah]

Marisol Muro