humhowellujah

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hung out with my young cousin today and she showed me "soul bug school" which is the gap between her toy chest and the wall where she secretly puts every dead bug she finds in the house

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you knock on my door and hear loud barking and scrambling noises and me yelling "no!! down boy!! down!!!" and then when i open the door there is a single crab on the floor

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inspired by a friend misspeaking

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demonic possession wouldn’t even affect me, i would just assume it’s The Symptoms

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two year anniversary of my vocabulary being permanently changed for the worse

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I've acquired a creature that stares at you no matter which direction you look at it from

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Workers of the world……fuck each other nasty style!!!!!

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My flesh, my home 🦪 🫧

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Whenever my aunt springs her insane superstitious/religious cures on me I specifically remember when I was 17 and she got me exorcised. The priest was like "I don't think she's possessed" and she insisted "well there's something wrong with her, she's always [symptoms of depression] so..."

And the guy said some verses and touched my head and stuff then said I should drink only holy water for an entire week. Which wasn't hard to do, but my fav part of this whole experience was me saying I want to eat instant noodles and my aunt going "I'll make them for you. With the holy water he gave us." And then I had holy instant noodles

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lets roll up with mama

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Two boys talked on the playground about who was stronger: a kitten or a puppy. "For the sake of fairness, let's say they're both the size of a pea," one boy said. "Agreed," said the other boy. "It's only fair."

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grocery store mission barely accomplished took massive damage to the hull and all internal systems. shield repair could take days

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gagging you with our red string of fate to shut you up for one fucking second

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Byron Newman, The Ultimate Angels, 1984.