#again i'm mostly frustrated
Text
What the hell is a "Justin Timberlake remix" actually. That's just... no. For someone attempting to appeal to a western market the way Golden is, there doesn't seem to be much awareness of what's going on in western popculture.
Or they just don't care.
They probably don't care.
#log#jungkook#bts#jungkook golden#idk if this makes sense and idc#i'm just frustrated atp#idk if this is on jungkook himself or hybe or whoever#so i'm not pointing fingers#but they've been working with a lot of not-great people in chapter 2#i don't expect the company to care cuz capitalism#but i need my guys to have some standard like cmon#they built that company from the ground up you will NOT convince me they don't have a say in their own work#but also so many ppl defend timberlake so ig i shouldn't be surprised#again i'm mostly frustrated
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Wearing your boyfriend's jacket
#for the anon asking who would wear it#any one of my characters WOULD wear it#its just a matter of how...#you dont understand my passion for fashion and what this means ok#it means an article of clothing is not about the clothing at all#its about how it fits and what it goes with and how you choose to wear it#a shirt is not just a shirt its a part of a whole...#I'm so passionate about this... it doesnt really show in my comics but thats mostly cause. there is only so much time I can devote to thing#anyways#adam is able to make anything look good#and steve is able to make anything seem like hes owned it for 10 years#they can both wear anything but in extremely different ways...#anyways this was a nice little break#its been hard HAHAHAHHA not gonna lie having an extremely rough time#I so so so do not want to return working for webtoon#I need you to know I am ONLY doing this for my readers#because I could use more time. I could use forever away from webtoon#but. I want to see the comic through! and so I will.#I'm so tired of them...#and also still frustrated by people being like 'is this ever coming back' and all that#but its fine. its coming back I'm working on it...#and its good.. its gonna be so good......#time and time again#ttawebcomic#adam and steve#sketch#I JUST REALIZED I SAID ANON...#I MEANT ASK#my brain just calls all asks anon
254 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#i feel like my presence here has narrowed so much because my life has narrowed so much to encompass mostly pain and frustration#with the medical system and disability and the state of my fucking country#and the occasional highlight of my cats#i can't work on my art#it's agonizing to even try and i wind up crying#and it's because this horseshit rigged system has ripped the safety out of it#i might as well give my work away for free since they want to take 100% of my earnings out of my check#which like i am not even remotely opposed to giving my work away (would prefer even) but we need the money and i'm not allowed to keep it#i don't know#my life is just so small right now and i don't know how to find meaning again in a world that keeps so much of what i love away from me#it's a slog and every day is the same#and nothing i do feels meaningful#except holding my cats and being with my boyfriend#and that's about all i can do.
40 notes
·
View notes
Text
There's nothing more viscerally and irrationality upsetting to me when I 90% agree with a take someone has but there's one bit of the interpretation that I don't agree with and it throws off the vibe of their statement. Because I can use my logical brain to be like "complexity and nuance exists and I can agree vehemently with aspects of their analysis but disagree with some specific one, since while it changes the intonation of the analysis, it does not change the overall thesis". But in the most primal part of my brain it's like Grug not like internal contradiction. Paradox make Grug uncomfortable with self. And it's like what the fuck Grug
#ramblings of a lunatic#anyway. I'm waiting for them to deactivate the experimental tw//tter account i made (i made one post so far after like. 2 weeks)#then I'll never have to think about that app again and I'll be free#ppl on twitter are frustrating because a not inconsiderable amount of them have takes i mostly understand or vibe with#but there's one thing off that sparks it as like. uncanny twitter valley to me. it's unsettling#^ that thoughts not actually related to the post i saw that vaguely inspired this post it's actually more of a general observation#anyway uhhh gonna TRY. and post art now and hope the anxiety that I'll be pointed and laughed at won't happen#i don't know why i think that it stinks
85 notes
·
View notes
Text
Anyone out there got a solution for when you're feeling really stuck with your art and everyone and their mother tells you the solution is to do studies and figure drawings and other such things but even just thinking about doing those things makes you Spiral and want to Kill Yourself?
#monster noises#it's 1am no one will see this it's fine#it's a genuine problem though i Wish i could be aotherfucker who found it engaging and satisfying to do figure drawing#but i both A) had some bad experiences with this type of learning in highschool that i guess kinda make them triggering for me i guess?#and B) my brain doesn't seem to be able to like.. Learn Things.... That Way.... or at least not Obviously#i mean obviously i've improved as an artist over time in general#and i won't lie and say i've Never done figure drawing or studies or anything#but i never leave those situations feeling like i've Learned anything#mostly i've just sat for several hours growing increasinglyore frustrated#at my limitations and inability to achieve what i feel should come to me intuatively#and even if i Did feel like i've learned something i can seemingly never turn around and then apply it to something else#my brain does not make those lateral connections#it's why i can't do word problems in math.#and plus i also find stuff like figure drawing especially Rarely helps me make progress on the parts of my work i Actually want to improve#fluidity/mobility/stylization and surrealism#and only reinforces practices i want to pull away from#realism/'correctness'#all this combined leaves me just kinda stuck because i really can't power through my fear of these practicing methods#because i also don't find them useful#but i have no alternatives because it's like.. the only thing anyone suggests because theoretically is Does Work#but just not when you're Specifically Busted like I'm Busted#and so I just continue to stagnate until idk.. i find something else that can abruptly and suddenly launch me forward again?.#augh.. being an artist is The Most Enjoyable (_=<=)_
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh today I've been constantly experiencing the urge to un-private today-in-the-devildom & start writing for it again
#i'm gonna ramble in the tags but#i've been talking with starr (if you're reading this--hi starr!! <3) about the blog today and sharing some of the entries#and it just made me miss it so much#+ the conversation actually made me realize some other reasons why i didn't enjoy the blog in general anymore#like i genuinely love the blog and i genuinely loved writing for it & that conversation reminded me of that#but also there were so many reasons that ultimately pushed me to more or less abandon the blog & then later private it too#so i'm kind of at a loss here#tbh i think i'm mostly just scared to pick the blog up again only for it to end exactly like last time i picked it back up#i've actually always wanted for the blog to be a source of inspiration y'know?#like the things mentioned in the entries are kinda just small ideas right#i was hoping that people would read these & feel inspired to write or draw something of their own based on my entries#that was actually what made me start the blog in the first place. the hope that i could inspire others that way#aaahhhhhh.... maybe it's on me since i could have more openly communicated that idea......#i did get to meet one wonderful person who wrote a few fics based on my entries tho!! (hi ali <3)#but yeah..there's that#also the way engagement just dropped significantly after a while#like i know i was gone for a good while & that a lot of people left the fandom and all that#but still getting maybe one reblog if i'm lucky really feels like a punch to the gut#ESPECIALLY considering that i was close to 900 followers on there#do you guys know that feeling when you proudly show someone you care about something you did only to get a disinterested answer?#yeah...#that's essentially how it feels like to me#and well as you might know the feeling of “why should i keep writing if apparently no one cares” eventually won... haha.....#but aaaahhhhh i'm still clinging onto the hope & what ifs here#that conversation with starr really just made me forget about everything that frustrated me about the blog & left me with this#longing feeling to start again lol#hey if you've made it this far into the tags let me just ask--would you care if i picked the blog back up?#would you also *show* that you care?#i'm actually quite curious (you could almost call me george lol)#anyway maybe we'll see each other on today-in-the-devildom again in the future.. who knows
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
i will admit . i am scared
#not in a funny silly tumblr way unfortunately 😔#but in a 'they are kidnapping citizens or holding them hostage in their own homes' way.#in a. literally 100 dead 1000 injured way. the last time i saw at least. i try to avoid the news for that reason#i don't live in the area affected thankfully. it's just rockets here and even that was mostly in the morning#but it's still scary... a friend's sister was in the area and is currently missing. and i mean. the entire situation sucks to say the least#it's frustrating how there's nothing to do about it other than look for distractions 😐#vent#ask to tag#it's a small thing but I'm grateful i only saw one post praising this war#usually going on tumblr during wars means every other post has some link calling to kill all of us for living here lol#also didn't get any hate asks. for. living here. so that's a good sign ajskflhlj#thank you btw. unironically. I'm glad i can go here and just see anime bullshit really akdkflpjj i need the escapism 😭#edit: oh no yeah there's rockets again. lots of them. hearing lots of booms outside. cool
24 notes
·
View notes
Text
the little girl at the bus stop just had the most enthusiastic, info-dump-y of rambles about how the bus that's coming is "literally the best bus" bc it's apparently bigger than the others which you "can see from its shape" and how great this bus ride is going to be
#so precious I stg#I adore this child that I don't know so much#and the lil boy listening to her giving her all attention was also very precious#then again I'm in a good mood anyway since I get to leave at 2 pm instead of 3 since I started work at 6 am#which was mostly to let the electrician into the rooms he still needs to check and test#and my boss was very kind and nice in his response to my long message about all the bs at work with my colleague#so I have the go-ahead to refuse to join the meeting on Friday which is great bc that was the biggest worry#colleague lady was still in a shit mood all day and fairly rude when I asked her a question ABOUT THE TASK SHE WAS MEANT TO DO#BUT WASN'T DOING bc she was “busy” as always and being short-tempered with everyone#but oh well. not gonna ask her abt anything anymore unless it can't be avoided. may she stew in her own frustrations#I bought cookies yesterday on my long walk home past the lovely paeonias at the park#so I'm gonna do my best to have good days anyway#the other colleague I had a tiny bit of beef with bc he kept closing tickets prematurely and I had a nice chat#and have come to an agreement on how to avoid this issue from now on bc apparently he's also doing five jobs at once#so fingers crossed that works for us but either way no hard feelings which is nice
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
man who needed therapy tells daughter that they need therapy and should just get over what happened as a child
#omg kiera no one cares#i appreciate it and being told i was loved since birth but like....spent years really showing the opposite man#also the way you acted and the things you did shows you also didn't get over anything that happened to you#like thank u for apologizing (again) thanks for saying you love and are proud of me but like i wanted this so much more as a child then now#i forgive you!! i understand you see you in me and think im so smart and talented so you push and that you also took out frustrations and#shit on us (mostly me and my mom) i forgive you and I'm trying to work through it!!!#but do not trap me in a car to do this again cause i don't like these things just being sprung on me
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
Song of the Day: May 3
"Life Less Frightening" by Rise Against
#song of the day#'I don't ask for much / truth be told I'd settle / for a life less frightening'#another song that when I sing it alone it doesn't sound much like the original but I do so like to sing it#check me stirring my roux humming 'these lives we live test negative for happiness' sweetly to myself#today was Friday and I'm still trying to decide if I'm satisfied with the amount of work I got done this week#I suppose I'll have to be#I had my weekly report meeting and again the updates my boss asked for in the meeting were not the ones she asked me to prepare#so I split-screened her and delivered the prepared updates as I frantically opened and updated the new request#and then when she finished making politely falsely interested sounds (I'm not bitter I'm not I'm not) she asked again for the new update#and by then I had it ready! saved it as I brought up the share-screen and showed it to her#too frustrated in the moment to be properly proud of myself but now it's hours later and I'm feeling a little smug about it#little back-pats for me#I have something like a project timeline worked out for the idiot project#and I did some good work in the garden (nasturtium growing up the post under the bird feeder. very pleased it took the transplant so well)#and I sooooort of sorted the freezer stuff. kind of. mostly we ate the things I wanted to rearrange but I've got a plan for moving forward#the last non-work thing I'd really wanted to accomplish this week was getting my queue set up again here#I've gone through my drafts and done some prep but as you can see the queue isn't actually running again yet#hopefully I'll do that tomorrow. we'll see how it goes#the queue may have to wait until Sunday because I must confess if I can accomplish only one single solitary thing tomorrow#I would like it to be six hours of uninterrupted sleep. may it please the gods I shall rest tomorrow. blessed weekend#edit: wait wait I'm a fool I'm a fool I just typed 'May 3' and still I am a fool#it's May the Fourth!!#happy star wars day my loves if I don't get the queue up today after all#it's because I'm reshuffling everything because I've got a new influx of SW posts to distribute!!
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
Finally I'm done with this edit good God 😩 I'm never opening Photoshop again
#you guys will see the thing tomorrow<3#behind it theres lots of tears and frustration over not finding the right fonts#i spent too much on it and for what 😭#after this I'm really taking a break#mostly bc i have an exam next week#I'll probs open photoshop again to fight for my life making a set for Minhos birthday
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
i swear to god if i get covid from fucking surgery i am going to kill someone
#and it won't be myself#spite alone holds me aloft bitch#i have the consultation tomorrow and i am hoping begging praying the doctor is decent#because she's the only fucking woman who does this surgery within an hour of where i live#and if u didn't know#i cant really be in the car for longer than 30 minutes without physical repercussions spanning *days*#so#if she can't or won't do it or if she's shitty then this whole situation escalates AGAIN#and it keeps happening!!!!!!!!!!!!#im so fucking frustrated#i hope to god she wears her mask correctly#only one ONE healthcare provider i've seen THROUGH YHIS WHOLE THING wore a mask correctly#if i get covid i'm dead#or will be completely unable to leave my bed#as it is i only get a few non-bed hours a day and that's mostly for care tasks and ADLs#fuck everyone who hasn't been masking fuck healthcare providers who are actively killing people#fuck offices and hospitals for not installing proper ventilation and fuck biden for making everyone think covid is over
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
I'm fatigued, my back hurts, I accidentally spent like 3 hours sat downstairs in a chair that made our back feel worse because our executive dysfunction prevented me getting up and going back upstairs even though I only went down there to get one thing, and now I really need to lay down but if I accidentally fall asleep again I feel like I'll wake up, realise I fell asleep and also that I feel like I wasted a big chunk of the day, and I'll end up feeling even worse again
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#posts made on pain meds#I went downstairs to get food but ended up having to wait longer than anticipated which is whatever#but then that meant I ended up sitting down and once we sit down it's like our brain stops being able to process that we can leave#I'll sit there the whole time going ''I need to get up and go back upstairs. I don't want to be sat here'' and just can't get up#I hate that this happens because while I know our executive dysfunction isn't our fault#and it's the exact same issue that stops us eating or drinking or going to the toilet or whatever when we need to#I still feel like I should be able to just get up and do the thing and just leave if I'm in a situation that I don't want to be in#and it's so hard to get other people to understand that I can't ''just leave'' because my brain just won't let that happen#like I want to but my brain won't register it as an actual thing I can do and it feels more like a weird abstract concept#than a thing I could actually do. it's like my brain can't connect the concept of the action to the act of doing it#and then I get frustrated because why can't I just do the thing that I know I should be able to do#and then I've spent hours not doing anything I meant to and mostly just feel like shit because of it and it keeps happening#and now I need to lay down and I know what's likely to happen if I do that#but I do need to listen to my body especially after getting stuck in a situation that makes our pain and fatigue worse#also we had to take pain meds earlier and that's definitely not helping with us feeling shit emotionally about all this#I hate having to navigate our brain and body just not functioning properly#I feel like we've had so little energy lately and it's reminding me too much of this time last year when we had that blood infection#I'm terrified of that happening again because we almost didn't get treatment because we started to assume it was just our new baseline#hmm apparently within like 5 minutes we've gone from ''ugh I wasted 3 hours'' to almost crying over medical trauma#I probably need to try and do something to calm us down but also I'm too tired to really do anything#which brings me right back to the issue that triggered this whole rant and me getting upset in the first place
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
my best friend has been very distant w me lately and i asked today if she wanted to hang out and she said she probably couldn't bc it's her brothers birthday but she would let me know if she could and i have her location and i just looked and she's at her boyfriends house rn....
#we have it bc we're roomates so we started sharing locations when we first moved in like in case someone doesn't come home at night or smth#she recently told me that she wants to move out bc she has always wanted to live alone and she can finally afford it. and i asked her#directly like is there an issue because she is so non confrontational so she has never ever mentioned me doing anything that bothers her#and i said please tell me if there's something wrong because it would really suck if there was and i never got a chance to fix it because#you never told me. and she said no it has nothing to do with that i really just feel like it's time for me to live on my own. and a couple#days ago she was like okay i'm next in line for my apartment i'll probably move out in april. and i try to get her to hang out still and#she always has something else going on and i swear every night this week she's been at her boyfriends.#and if i see her around our apartment and try to make conversation at all she's so like short about it and barely responds like will only#give one word answers. i feel like it kind of started when i started dating e but i realized that i was spending less time with her and i#didn't want to be the girl that loses all my friends bc of a boyfriend so i started specifically reaching out to hang out with her and she#says no most of the time and never asks me. like i don't know what else i can do.#i'm like maybe it's bc of her boyfriend? bc they've been on again off again for a long time and previously when they were together it was#really distant with her like i barely saw her EVER. and they were mostly broken up for the past couple years and have been together i think#for a while again... but she knows i don't approve of that relationship and so she would like not say when they were talking again. so maybe#since lately they've been hanging out or dating or WHATEVER she doesn't fucking tell me what's going on with him. maybe that's why.#i literally like try to think of ways it could be my fault and maybe i'm being crazy but i cannot even think to blame myself for more than a#fleeting second bc i'm like. i have ASKED HER directly if there is an issue or something i do that bothers her and she says no. so even if#i'm somehow pissing her off would i ever know to change anything?? i just feel so frustrated bc it's like she's an entirely different person#to me. like this is not the person i know. and i don't know what else i could possibly do like i feel like we need to sit down and have a#conversation about it but what good does that do if she just acts like nothing is wrong. but i don't want to lose my friend i have such a#hard time making friends. i've known her since i was 14 like i can't imagine my life without her. we were the only two in our whole friend#group in high school to get out of the church i still love those other girls but we have so little in common now.
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#i've been doing job training for the past month now and so far it's going pretty well#but i feel like it's affecting my lifestyle negatively in a big way#for one it's enabling my E////D (which i've been sorta on top of but now i'm taking any excuse to skip meals and walk long distances for#no reason other than to get workouts in whenever i can)#and it's definitely noticeable in my day to day life#(mostly dizziness and exhaustion weakness and headaches/stomach aches that end up making me sleep through the rest of my day)#and i have NO idea how to keep myself from doing it#today i was worried about how many calor///ies i'm intaking with painkillers#which i wouldn't have to take in the first place if i could just give myself a break and eat normally again#and it just sucks? that i'm getting a grip finally in terms of a job but at the same time my health is going down the drain again#i really REALLY thought i'm on top of myself but i guess i am nowhere near it#and it's so frustrating#rant tw#i wish i could blacklist tag this properly but it always attracts pro weirdos so if u need this tagged give me a tag to use#and i will glady do that for u
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
grumbling and rolling around conflicting headcanons with a not-here friend can be. frustrating.
cause my thought is- okay they were theatre bots first. not even really designed for the daycare originally maybe. (maybe they were idfk, lets say they weren't designed for that at first.) So, if we're working with that assumption, that they weren't necessarily intended for the daycare to start off with and were just theatre performers- how were they prepped for daycare duties, if fazco even bothered to prep them at all?
the response from friend is always "it's a program"... like just inserting a program and having the commands inputted automatically makes the arguably sentient adaptive ai fully capable of doing the job with no issues.
idk maybe i'm humanizing them too much, but it Bugs Me when people say "oh a program makes it to where they can do the job they're programed for without any issues." programs don't Work That Way. especially not with a true ai. there's a difference between the program and the practiced skill. you can't just say they have the program and act like there wasn't some adaptation that had to happen because fazco would Not make a complex childcare program. they'd cut all the corners they could, and sun and moon would have had to pick up the slack and adapt their knowledge. having a manual doesn't mean you can perfectly execute it
#rig rambles#i dont wanna tag this in the space bc i'm mostly angy but yknow#dca stuff#i'm just angy bc this friend is so so rigid in their concept and i can't understand it well enough from their perspective#and i get frustrated cause like- but what about these factors?#them: buries it under a hundred words of reiterating their idea that make me feel like i'm Stupid#i dont Get iT#sibling pls dont call me out for becoming close friends with the hard ass people again haha#it does keep happening i will admit....
4 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
bummy9111
Untitled
nl37tgt
Something fell outta my head
parkmay0407
2U_WiZ
grosir1176jualtoko
grosir jualtoko
thatwhitekiid
Adorned with golden fire