#(mostly dizziness and exhaustion weakness and headaches/stomach aches that end up making me sleep through the rest of my day)

[alongtidesoflight]

.

[serpentlopez]

Hurts To Be Human

Who: Eliana, Ale @serpenthart

What: Aliana talk the morning after her overdose

When: Nov 9, Mid-Morning

Where: Riverdale General.

Notes: TW: mentions of overdose and rehab, lots of guilt and feels

ELIANA

Eliana felt herself coming around long before she could even think about moving her body. It felt like she was laying under a weighted blanket that kept her body down. As if the bed disappeared, she would have sunk straight through the ground. Her head felt cloudy, and she was dizzy, so she slowly tried to open her eyes. They felt like they were practically glued together but she was able to blink them open. Nothing made sense at first. She didn't recognize the room, or the bed. Her head felt heavy and she was about to let it lay forward, let her eyes close again, but then she saw a needle stuck deep into her arm. And the bracelet around her wrist that had her name. Up higher, the IV bag. Or at least she assumed it was an IV bag. Something dripped into the tube and she fought the urge to pull it out. Eyes scanned across the room until she came to the side of her bed. A chair with a familiar form perched in it. Why the hell were they there? How had they gotten to the hospital? "Ale?"

ALE

Although Ryan had been able to get her heart going again, it took the doctors a while to make sure she was out of danger. It was well into the night before she was taken to a room, when he was able to sit by her side. He didn't know at what time happened but he finally gave into the exhaustion and stress of what had happened, and his head ended on the bed, right at her side, while the rest of him rested on the chair. But the moment he heard her voice he snapped his head up and stood up, his hand holding onto hers. "Hey bella. It's okay. You're at the hospital."

ELIANA

The only thing that could have freaked her out anymore was staring right at her. The look on Ale's face made her feel sick to her stomach. He usually had a smile on his lips, a playful glint in his eyes, but now he looked like he'd seen a ghost. Eli pressed her dry lips together, her mouth just as dry as they were. Her fingers curled around Ale's hand, wrapping around the warmth that always made her feel safe and cared for. His response however, raised more questions than it answered. "How?" Eli had to clear her throat and when she moved, she felt an aching in her chest. She used her free hand to touch along the fabric robe she was in. "Why.. are we here?" She tried to remember the previous night and barely remember dancing at the club before going to see him. Everything afterwards was a dark pit of nothingness. "What happened?"

ALE

Without letting go of her hand, Ale stood up and got closer to the head of the bed, so he could be closer to her. He could see the unease on her looks when he told her where she was, and he knew it would be a bit hard for her to let it all sink in. "I had to call 9-1-1. You passed out. It was... pretty bad. I got really scared. I thought I'd lost you..."

ELIANA

Passed out? She reached her hand up and touched the side of her head. The headache forming there was starting to throb behind her eyes. Looking back at him, Eli shook her head as she tried to recall everything that had happened but her memory was blank. "I.. went out dancing. I-I don't.. remember.." His words made her heart race. "Lost me..? It--It wasn't that bad, was it? I.." But she didn't know what to say about any of it. As much as Eli didn't want to believe what he said, there was truth in his eyes that she couldn't deny. "You look... How, how bad was it? You made it sound like I.."

ALE

Ale bit his lip down and looked away at first, the image of that night still haunting whatever little sleep he had that night, then sighed and looked down to the bed, not her. "You came to my house and... you were pretty out of it. High, but you were happy in a way. I imagine because of the drugs. I convinced you to take a shower and I went to get it ready for you and... when I came back you were on the floor. Blood dripped from your nose, foam from your mouth, and I saw a line of freshed sniffed cocaine on my table." His voice was shaking with fear, and also anger. "You were gone for a second there. I didn't almost lose you. I lost  you, for a minute, Eli..."

ELIANA

A shock of cold fear coiled inside of her and she knew that Ale wouldn't lie about that. She wished she could remember any of this. "I.." She shook her head slowly, trying to force the memories to come but it just made her head throb. "I don't remember going to see you." The image was dark. Blood, foam, cocaine.. God, he lost her? She had been lost? Her eyes welled with tears that she didn't want to fall. Brushing her hands against her eyes, Eli shook her head, "How? I--" But she did remember getting high that night, and she did remember feeling like she wanted it to last forever. She felt embarrassed and ashamed suddenly, a rolling wave of nausea inside her. "Ale, I.. I didn't mean to.."

ALE

Ale chuckled and shook his head, a dry, empty chuckle. "No, I wouldn't expect you to. Like I said, you were very high." He looked at her and sighed. "Maybe you didn't, but it happened all the same. How long has this been happening? I know you were high the other night with Sebastian because I'm  not deaf or stupid. I heard you both. And that only means you've been doing this for a while now. Have you?"

ELIANA

Eli's mouth hung open for a second before she slammed it shut, because her first inkling was to tell him a lie. And she refused to lie to him, especially knowing everything she'd put him through. She couldn't lie about this. Pressing her lips together, Eli looked away from him, unable to look in his eyes when she spoke. "It's.. been a couple weeks," she admitted. "I um, I got a bunch of stuff and.." She thought about the party and frowned. "I don't think I've been sober since that night.. with Derek." Her voice had wavered when she said his name but refused to swallow it down. She didn't want to hide from him.

ALE

Ale sighed and sat on the bed with her. It was normal, if yoiu could call it that, she felt that way after what happened. "I'm sorry... for not noticing how you were truly hurting." He shrugged. "I failed you as a friend. But I can't, I won't do that anymore. Let me help you get out of this, Eli. Please."

ELIANA

"What?" Eli almost instantly shook her head - admittedly a bad decision as it made her feel like she was dying.. which she now decided was a terrible turn of phrase. "No, Ale.. you, you didn't... this wasn't on you." God, that ached when she thought about him blaming himself for this. "This was me. It was all me. You've.. you've always been the one there for me. Please.. don't blame yourself for my problem." She reached for his hand, curling her fingers between his. Her heart was pounding and she just wanted to look away from him. "I'm.. I'm the.. fuck up here, not you."

ALE

Another shrug. "Perhaps. But still, I should've done more for you. Watching you- Watching what happened made realize how blind I was. You were screaming for help, and I didn't hear it."

ELIANA

It hurt to see him like this, to know how he felt guilty for what she'd done to herself. Her heart hurt and as she gave his hand a small squeeze. She couldn't let him carry that weight on him. "It was everything. Not protecting anyone. Not being strong enough. I felt weak and when I'm high, i'm... not." But that wasn't exactly true either considering she'd been high and.. he lost her. "How.. do I fix this?" She asked, and it was the closest she'd come to actually say the words I need help.

ALE

Ale looked at her and felt sad for her. For having to carry with that much sorrow alone, so much so she had fell down like that. He kissed her hand and sighed. "I think going to rehab would be a good place to start?"

ELIANA

Rehab. That was a place for people who were fucked up. People who were wasted all the time, who had no control over themselves. Eli almost told him that she wasn't one of those people but she couldn't say it honestly. She was out of control and it almost cost her life. Her hand squeezed his slightly and she frowned, nodding slowly. "Okay." Even if she wanted to push back, she didn't want to disappoint him. "Okay, i'll go. I'm.. I'm so sorry, Ale. I never meant to do that to you."

ALE

Ale was ready for a harsh come back about his suggestion, so when he heard her agreeing with he was surprised, and in a good way. "I know. Do it for you, bella."

ELIANA

Eli pressed her lips together, looking up at him and feeling so small and.. helpless. But this time, it wasn't the kind of helpless she'd unraveled for feeling. Or maybe it was but it didn't feel as overwhelming with Ale sitting beside her. She wanted to ask him not to leave her, worried that he wouldn't want anything to do with her once she got back. Wordlessly, Eli leaned forward. She started by pressing herself against his arm but then made it so she was against his chest. Her eyes closed as she curled into his warmth. Even though she was holding onto him, she whispered, "If you don't want to see me.. when I get back.. I'd understand."

ALE

Ale put his arms around her when Eli when she sat up, holding her gently against his chest while having care not to pull any of the lines out. He ran his fingers through her hair, then frowned. "Why would I do that? I got your back and you got mine, Lopez. Remember?" He cupped her chin and gently made her look at him. "I'll be here when you come back."

ELIANA

Why? Because she was such a mess. Because he’s had to watch her spiral. Because she was sick enough that she needed to go to a rehab facility. But mostly because she wasn’t good enough for him. Then he spoke and those words wrapped around her like a warm blanket on a cold day. She looked up, pressing against his fingers, and she nodded slowly. “I remember. Always.” Then his words solidified it, this, her, like a promise and she didn’t feel as afraid anymore.

[gaysparklepires]

7. Unexpected

Read on AO3

The line of black advanced on me through the shroud-like mist. I could see their dark ruby eyes glinting with desire, lusting for the kill. Their lips pulled back over their sharp, wet teeth—some to snarl, some to smile.

I heard a sound behind me, I turned to see the faces of my human family and friends, all of them were trembling with fright. I turned back to face the oncoming threat, though I was desperate to make sure everyone I loved felt safe and reassured, I could not afford any lapse in focus now.

The guards ghosted closer, their black robes billowing slightly with the movement. I saw their hands curl into bone-colored claws. They started to drift apart, angling to come at us from all sides. We were surrounded. We were going to die.

And then, like a burst of light from a flash, the whole scene was different. Yet nothing changed—the Volturi still stalked toward us, poised to kill. All that really changed was how the picture looked to me. Suddenly, I was hungry for it. I wantedthem to charge. The panic changed to bloodlust as I crouched forward, a smile on my face, and a snarl ripped through my bared teeth.

I jolted upright, shocked out of the dream.

The room was black. It was also steamy hot. Sweat matted my hair at the temples and rolled down my throat.

I groped the warm sheets and found them empty.

“Edward?”

Just then, my fingers encountered something smooth and flat and stiff. One sheet of paper folded in half. I took the note with me and felt my way across the room to the light switch.

The outside of the note was addressed to Mr. Beau Cullen.

I’m hoping you won’t wake and notice my absence, but, if you should, I’ll be back very soon. I’ve just gone to the mainland to hunt. Go back to sleep and I’ll be here when you wake again. I love you.

I sighed. We’d been here about two weeks now, so I should have been expecting that he would have to leave, but I hadn’t been thinking about time. We seemed to exist outside of time here, just drifting along in a perfect state.

I wiped the sweat off my forehead. I felt absolutely wide awake, though the clock on the dresser said it was after one. I knew I would never be able to sleep as hot and sticky as I felt. Not to mention the fact that if I shut off the light and closed my eyes, I was sure to see those prowling black figures in my head.

I got up and wandered aimlessly through the dark house, flipping on lights. It felt so big and empty without Edward there. Different.

I ended up in the kitchen and decided that maybe I should eat something. I wasn’t particularly hungry, but maybe some comfort food would be nice.

I poked around in the fridge until I found all the ingredients for fried chicken. The popping and sizzling of the chicken in the pan was a nice, homey sound; I felt less nervous while it filled the silence.

It smelled so good that I started eating it right out of the pan, burning my tongue in the process. By the fifth or sixth bite, though, it had cooled enough for me to taste it. My chewing slowed. Was there something off about the flavor? I checked the meat, and it was white all the way through, but I wondered if it was completely done. I took another experimental bite; I chewed twice. Ugh—definitely bad. I jumped up to spit it into the sink. Suddenly, the chicken-and-oil smell was revolting. I took the whole plate and shook it into the garbage, then opened the windows to chase away the scent. A coolish breeze had picked up outside. It felt good on my skin.

I was abruptly exhausted, but I didn’t want to go back to the hot room. So I opened more windows in the TV room and lay on the couch right beneath them. I turned on the same movie we’d watched the other day and quickly fell asleep to the bright opening song.

When I opened my eyes again, the sun was halfway up the sky, but it was not the light that woke me. Cool arms were around me, pulling me against him. At the same time, a sudden whirl of dizziness and a sharp pain twisted in my stomach.

“I’m sorry,” Edward was murmuring as he wiped a wintry hand across my clammy forehead. “So much for thoroughness. I didn’t think about how hot you would be with me gone. I’ll have an air conditioner installed before I leave again.”

I couldn’t concentrate on what he was saying. “Excuse me!” I gasped, struggling to get free of his arms.

He dropped his hold automatically. “Beau?”

I streaked for the bathroom with my hand clamped over my mouth. I felt so horrible that I didn’t even care—at first—that he was with me while I crouched over the toilet and was violently sick.

“Beau? What’s wrong?”

I couldn’t answer yet. He held me anxiously, keeping my hair out of my face, waiting till I could breathe again.

“Damn rancid chicken,” I moaned.

“Are you all right?” His voice was strained.

“Fine,” I panted. “It’s just food poisoning. You don’t need to see this. Go away.”

“Not likely, Beau.”

“Go away,” I moaned again, struggling to get up so I could rinse my mouth out. He helped me gently, ignoring the weak shoves I aimed at him.

After my mouth was clean, he carried me to the bed and sat me down carefully, supporting me with his arms.

“Food poisoning?”

“Yeah,” I croaked. “I made some chicken last night. It tasted off, so I threw it out. But I ate a few bites first.”

He put a cold hand on my forehead. It felt nice. “How do you feel now? You’re very warm.”

I thought about that for a moment. The nausea had mostly passed, but I still felt off. All my joints ached. And it was so hot—swelteringly hot.  

He made me drink a big glass of water. He wanted me to stay in bed, but I didn’t want to, so he carried me to the couch in front of the television. He put on CNN—we’d been so out of touch, world war three could have broken out and we wouldn’t have known—and I lounged drowsily across his lap.

I got bored with the news and twisted around to kiss him. Just like this morning, a bout of nauseating dizziness overwhelmed me, and a sharp rolled through my body when I moved. I lurched away from him, my hand tight over my mouth. I knew I’d never make it to the bathroom this time, so I ran to the kitchen sink.

He kept my hair back from my face again.

“Maybe we should go back to Rio, see a doctor,” he suggested anxiously when I was rinsing my mouth afterward.

I shook my head and edged toward the hallway. Doctors meant needles. “I’ll be fine right after I brush my teeth.”

“What’s this?” He asked, running his cool fingers over the back of my neck.

I reached back, feeling a lump where his fingers had been. “I don’t know…” I hesitated. “Oh, no, wait, I remember. I got bit by some bug the other night.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” He asked, concerned.

“It didn’t seem like that big of a deal, bug bites are part of being human,” I shrugged, inching my way to the bathroom, “Besides, I had other things on my mind that night.”

He chuckled softly. “I see.”

“Is it hotter today than it’s been?” I asked, feeling the sweat beading on my forehead.

“No more so than before,” He said softly, “perhaps you overheated last night.”

“Maybe.” I said, inching into the bathroom and closing the door behind me.

When my mouth tasted better, I searched through my suitcase for the little first-aid kit Alice had backed for me, full of human things like bandages and painkillers—I had a searing headache, probably from the strain of vomiting. Some painkillers and Pepto-Bismol would help settle my head and my stomach and calm Edward down.

As I was fumbling with the bottle of painkillers I felt another wave of dizziness coming on, I tried to steady myself against the sink, dropping the bottle which clattered to the tile floor.

“Are you alright, love?” Edward asked through the door. “Did you get sick again?”

“Just a dizzy spell,” I groaned. “I think I’m oka—” My words were cut off by a sudden, violent cough that wracked through my body.

“Beau? Can I please come in?” His voice was worried now.

“O…kay…” I gasped through the coughs.

He came in and appraised my position, gripping the edge of the sink, my body still shaking from the violent coughing fit. Then his eyes grew wide and he was at my side, a hand on my back.

“What’s wrong?”

“Just a cough, I think maybe I have the flu or something.” I answered, clearing my throat.

“Beau…” His hand was at my mouth, his fingers wiping something away from the corner.

“What is it?” I asked, I was having an increasingly hard time focusing.

His face was stone, his eyes wide and hard, his lips pressed into a tight line as he held his hand out to me. There was blood on his fingers.

“What the hell?” I wiped at the corners of my mouth with my hand, finding more blood. “That’s… not good.” I coughed again, into my hand. When the fit passed, there were more flecks of red in my palm.

Edward’s hand was on my forehead in a flash. “You’re burning up. Does anything else feel wrong?” His voice was strained and full of panic.

“My head hurts, my body aches, I feel dizzy…” I tried to assess my physical state as thoroughly as possible. “I guess I’m pretty thirsty.” I couldn’t list anymore symptoms, another violent coughing fit spasmed through me and I lost my balance, falling into Edward’s arms.

In the same moment, Edward’s phone rang, shrill and demanding. Neither of us moved. It rang again and again. I tried to tune it out while I focused on steadying my breathing and calming the cough. I caught a glimpse of my face in the mirror, my skin looked pale and clammy, there was blood trickling from the corner of my mouth.

The phone kept ringing. I wished Edward would answer it—I didn’t think I could focus enough to do so myself.

Ring! Ring! Ring!

Finally, the annoyance broke through everything else. I reached into his pocket and pulled the phone out, nearly dropping it. I half-expected him to thaw out and answer it himself, but he was perfectly still.

I glanced at the caller ID before answering.

“Hey, Alice,” I said. My voice sounded dry and harsh. I cleared my throat.

‘Beau? Beau, are you okay?”

“I don’t know, Alice. I think I’m sick. Is Carlisle there?”

“He is. What’s wrong, Beau?”

“I’m not sure…”

“Is Edward all right?” she asked warily. She called Carlisle’s name away from the phone and then demanded, “Why didn’t he pick up the phone?” before I could answer her first question.

“I’m not sure.”

“Beau, what’s going on? I just saw—”

“What did you see?”

There was a silence. “Here’s Carlisle,” she finally said.

It felt like ice water had been injected in my veins. If Alice had just seen a vision of me sick, she would have answered me, wouldn’t she?

While I waited through the split second it took for Carlisle to speak, I wondered what Alice could have seen that would make her sound so worried.

“Beau, it’s Carlisle. What’s going on?”

“I’m not sure. I woke up feeling… sick, I guess.” I glanced down at Edward, who was still unmoving at my side. “I’m a little worried about Edward… Can vampires go into shock?”

“Has he been harmed?” Carlisle’s voice was getting urgent.

“No, no,” I assured him. “I think he’s just worried about me.”

“I don’t understand, Beau.”

“I’ve been really hot and dizzy since I woke up, and then I started coughing and…” I looked down at my bloody hand.

“And what, Beau?”

“I started coughing up blood.”

Carlisle’s medical training immediately kicked in.

“What other symptoms do you have?”

“My body aches,” I told him. “I’m dizzy, nauseous, hot…” Another cough burst through my lips. “There’s the coughing with the blood, and I’m having a hard time focusing.”

“Did you come into contact with anything that might have started the symptoms?”

“I got bit by a bug the other night.”

“Beau, let me speak to Edward.”

Edward’s head snapped up, he held his hand out for the phone, his face white and hard.

“Okay, here he is.”

“Thank you,” Carlisle said in a strained voice.

Not entirely sure that Edward couldtalk, I put the phone in his outstretched hand.

He pressed it to his ear. “Carlisle, his blood…” he whispered.

He listened for a long time, staring blankly at nothing.

“Carlisle, what did Alice see?” he asked. His arm wrapped around me as he spoke, pulling me close into his side.

His eyes widened, and a look of despair passed over his face. After a long moment he said, “Yes. Yes, I will.”

He pulled the phone away from his ear and pressed the “end” button. Right away, he dialed a new number.

“What did Carlisle say?” I asked, wobbling slightly.

Edward answered in a strained voice. “He thinks you’re very sick.”

The words were simple, straightforward enough. But the way he said them made my stomach drop. There was something… desperate, something deeply pained in his voice.

“Who are you calling now?” I asked as he put the phone back to his ear.

“The airport. We’re going home.”

Edward was on the phone for more than an hour without a break. I guessed that he was arranging our flight home, but I couldn’t be sure because he wasn’t speaking English. It sounded like he was arguing; he spoke through his teeth a lot.

While he argued, he packed. He whirled around the room like an angry tornado, leaving order rather than destruction in his path. He threw a set of my clothes on the bed without looking at them, so I assumed it was time for me to get dressed. He continued with his argument while I changed, gesturing with sudden, agitated movements.

When I could no longer bear the violent energy radiating out of him, I quietly left the room. His manic concentration made me sick to my stomach—not like the nausea, just uncomfortable. I would wait somewhere else for his mood to pass. I couldn’t talk to this icy, focused Edward who honestly frightened me a little.

Once again, I ended up in the kitchen. I carefully got myself a glass of water, sipping it absently, staring out the window at the sand and rocks and trees and ocean, everything glittering in the sun.

“I don’t want to go,” I sighed to myself.

I stared out the window for a moment, feeling confused.

“I don’t understand,” I whispered.

Humans got sick. It was a part of life. I’d gotten sick before. Carlisle could fix me up, I was sure. He was a genius with medicine. What could possibly be different about this sickness? What could make Carlisle sound so worried? Make Edward so upset?

Then I realized.

It was what Alice had seen.

Something had made Carlisle and Edward scared. Scared for me. Something in Alice’s vision had worried them to the point of what I could only describe as panic. I pressed the cool glass of water to my temple, trying to ease the burning heat that was making it increasingly difficult to focus.

My eyes were blurry, the sand and rocks slid out of focus into a smear of colors and light. I heard the crashing sound of glass breaking and felt water around my feet. Then, before I had time to fully grasp what was happening, the world turned upside down.

“Beau? Beau!” Edward’s voice was panicked, rushing toward me.

I was vaguely aware of him cradling me to his chest. The coldness of his body felt good against my increasingly hot skin.

“Beau, are you alright?” His hand was gently pushing my hair out of my eyes. “Beau, say something, please.”

“I’m fine,” I croaked out the words. “What happened?”

He didn’t speak at first. “You collapsed.”

“Oh,” I mumbled, glancing around.

He pulled me against his chest. “Don’t be afraid. We’ll be home in sixteen hours. You’ll be fine. Carlisle will be ready when we get there. We’ll take care of this, and you’ll be fine, you’ll be fine.”

“Edward, what did Alice see?”

He didn’t answer me, I tried to make my eyes focus on his face.

“Edward, what did she see?” I asked again, louder. The strain forced me into another fit of violent coughs.

He held me steady through the fit, when it had subsided he gently rubbed my back. “Alice’s visions aren’t set in stone, Beau. They’re not…” He trailed off. “Don’t worry, we willfix this. If Carlisle can’t get you better…” He hesitated. “We have one last option.”

He looked sharply away from me, toward the front door.

“Dammit! I forgot Gustavo was due today. I’ll get rid of him and be right back.” He lifted me and rushed me to a chair, leaving me there before darting out of the room.

I leaned against the nearby counter, feeling like I might fall out of the chair if I wasn’t careful.

As I sat there, the severity of the situation began to come into focus before me. I was sick—very sick. So sick that Edward was panicked, that Carlisle needed to do something immediately. So sick, that Edward was willing to consider changing me in order to save me.

For Edward to even considerthat alternative made it perfectly clear to me what Alice had seen. There was no other explanation. Alice had seen my death.

I heard Edward speaking Portuguese again. Arguing again. His voice got closer, and I heard him grunt in exasperation. Then I heard another voice, low and timid. A woman’s voice.

He came into the kitchen ahead of her and went straight to me. He wiped the sweat from my brown and murmured in my ear through the thin, hard line of his lips.

“She’s insisting on leaving the food she brought—she made us dinner.” If he had been less tense, less furious, I knew he would have rolled his eyes. “it’s an excuse—she wants to make sure I haven’t killed you yet.” His voice went ice cold at the end.

Kaure edged nervously around the corner with a covered dish in her hands. I wished I could speak Portuguese, or that my Spanish was less rudimentary, so that I could try to thank this woman who had dared to anger a vampire just to check on me.

Her eyes flickered between the two of us. I saw her measuring the color in my face, the sheen of sweat on my skin. Mumbling something I didn’t understand, she put the dish on the counter.

Edward snapped something at her; I’d never heard him be so impolite before. She turned to go and I cleared my throat, trying to remember how to apologize in Spanish, but my breath caught in my throat and I began coughing again. This time so violently, then when I could quell the coughs long enough to inhale, the breath was a strained gasp. Edward was holding me tightly, rubbing my back.

I heard a little gasp and I looked up.

The woman was still there, hesitating in the doorway with her hands half-outstretched as if she had been looking for some way to help. Her eyes were locked on my face, popping wide with shock. Her mouth hung open.

Then Edward gasped, too, and he suddenly turned to face the woman, cradling me against his chest.

Suddenly, Kaure was shouting at him—loudly, furiously, her unintelligible words flying across the room like knives. She raised her tiny fist in the air and took two steps forward, shaking it at him. Despite her ferocity, it was easy to see the terror in her eyes.

Edward stepped toward her, too, and I clutched at his arm, frightened for the woman. But when he interrupted her tirade, his voice took me by surprise, especially considering how sharp he’d been with her when she wasn’t  screeching at him. It was low now; it was pleading. Not only that, but the sound was different, more guttural, the cadence off. I didn’t think he was speaking Portuguese anymore.

For a moment, the woman stared at him in wonder, and then her eyes narrowed as she barked out a long question in the same alien tongue.

I watched as his face grew sad and serious, and he nodded once. She took a quick step back and crossed herself.

He reached out to her, gesturing toward me and then resting his hand against my cheek. She replied angrily again, waving her hands accusingly toward him, and then gestured to him. When she finished, he pleaded again with the same low, urgent voice.

Her expression changed—she stared at him with doubt plain on her face as he spoke, her eyes repeatedly flashing to my confused face. He stopped speaking, and she seemed to be deliberating something. She looked back and forth between the two of us, and then, unconsciously it seemed, took a step forward.

She asked me something I couldn’t understand, I stared at her through my foggy haze. She pursed her lips, then began moving her hand around in the air, a droning buzzing sound coming from her lips. She moved her hand to her arm and pinched a bit of skin with her forefinger and thumb. I understood now, she was asking if I had been bitten by a bug. I weakly nodded my head.

She walked a few steps forward deliberately this time and asked a few brief questions, which he responded to tensely. Then he became the questioner—one quick query. She hesitated and then slowly shook her head. When he spoke again, his voice was so agonized that I looked up at him in shock. His face was drawn with pain.

In answer, she walked slowly forward until she was close enough to lay her small hand on my forehead. She spoke one word in Portuguese.

“Morte,” she sighed quietly. Then she turned, her shoulders bent as if the conversation had aged her and left the room.

I knew enough Spanish for that one.

Edward was frozen again, staring after her with the tortured expression fixed on his face. A few moments later, I heard a boat’s engine putter to life and then fade into the distance.

Edward did not move until I slowly stood to my feet and wobbled toward the bathroom. Then his hand caught my shoulder.

“Where are you going?” His voice was a whisper of pain.

“I need some painkillers. I never took any.”

“Don’t worry about what she said. She’s seen this sickness before, but they don’t have access to the same medicine here that Carlisle does.”

“I didn’t understand anything,” I told him, though it wasn’t entirely true. “I’m sure it’ll be fine, Edward.”

“I packed the painkillers. I’ll get them for you.”

“Are we leaving soon?” I asked weakly.

“As soon as you’re ready.”

He returned with the painkillers and a glass of water for me. He waited for me to finish, pacing silently.

“I’ll get the bags into the boat.” He finally said.

“Edward—”

He turned back. “Yes?”

I hesitated from my initial question. “Could you… make sure the painkillers are easy to get to? I might need more.”

“Of course,” he said, his eyes suddenly soft. “Don’t worry about anything. We’ll get to Carlisle in just a few hours, really. He’ll know what to do.”

I nodded. “Edward…”

“Yes, love?”

“If Carlisle can’t do anything…” I trailed off.

His eyes grew hard again. “If—if—Carlisle can’t do anything medically for you…” He paused, thoughtfully. “I won’t let you die, Beau.” The sudden fierceness in his voice, coupled with his admittance that I could die, startled me. “If I have to, if there’s nothing else I can do to save you… I’ll change you.”

He turned and left the room, one big suitcase in each hand.

So that was it. I was sick, so sick that he had already had to grapple with the decision of whether or not to change me. He had thought about it and already resolved himself to do so. For him to be so sure, so certain that he would need to… That meant my mortal life was reaching its end.

I’d survived so much before. I’d faced death and escaped numerous times. But how do you run away from your own body failing you? It wasn’t a homicidal tracker, a vengeful lover, or the might of the Volturi that was coming for me now. It was my own body giving up. Death itself had come to claim me.

I could let him change me. I could become like him. Hadn’t I wanted it—to varying degrees—before? But now, with the reality of what that meant so clear before me I couldn’t bring myself to accept it. I couldsurvive this, I could become like Edward and his family. But I would never see myfamily again, I would never see my friends again.

If I died of whatever this sickness was, my family could mourn that death. But if I became a vampire, my family would mourn and I would still be around—I would have to live with myself for all of eternity knowing the pain I put Charlie and Renée through and never being able to see them again. I couldn’t live with that.

Thinking as quickly as my increasingly tired mind could manage, I grabbed Edward’s phone that he’d left on the counter. It was very unlike him to forget things—forget that Gustavo was coming, to leave his phone lying here. He was so stressed he was barely himself.

I unlocked the phone and scrolled through the preprogrammed numbers. I was glad he had the sound turned off, afraid that he would catch me. Would he be at the boat now? Or back already? Would he hear me from the kitchen if I whispered?

I found the number I wanted, one I had never called before in my life. I pressed the “send” button and crossed my fingers.

“Hello?” the voice like golden bells answered.

“Royal?” I whispered. “It’s Beau. Please. You have to help me.”

I couldn’t remember what else I said, the next thing I knew the world was going dark around me and I was falling.