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[nl37tgt]

Monkey Business (9-10-19)

People are strange.  Queue "The Doors - People Are Strange" if you wish, I encourage it, my opening statement still rings true though, people do weird stuff.

Honesty has always been the best policy.  Truth is easy, you don't have to remember what lie went where.  It's a simple life.  Yet everyone from politicians to your 8-year-old has a hard time with being honest.  Granted, humans are fallible.  Shit happens.  But to persist in a lie when caught is for fools.  The problem is that there seems to be an abundance of fools.  George Carlin warned us against underestimating idiots in large groups.  If they manage to organize, it can get quite scary.  Look at a Klan rally, there's a prime example of a large group of organized morons.

Another thing of note is a propensity for memory to serve when it's convenient to whatever the narrative needs.  The consistency of a public figure or news article of note can be checked in minutes, along with checking for accuracy.  We live in a world where information is within easy reach at all times, so the excuse that one doesn't know is a poor one.  What is quickly forgotten is that that information can be inaccurate or wholly fabricated to suit a narrative.  Confirmation bias and that pesky Dunning-Kruger effect can turn your average person into a tinfoil hat dipshit with dubious at best ideology in a matter of months.  Pulling information from the asshole of the internet to bolster your arguments leads down that particular rabbit hole.  The internet is an uncurated wild west.  Any and all have a page full of anything you can think of and well beyond.  If your bullshit detector is defective, and your level of gullibility is high, avoid the internet, please.  You're making the rest of the world that much more idiotic and the internet itself doesn't forget.

News flash fuckwit.  The earth isn't flat, vaccines don't cause autism, Elvis is dead, and your horoscope doesn't mean a damn thing.

Let's move on to another curiosity.  Look at a map.  All those borders and boundaries are imaginary.  You could cross one and not even know it if it wasn't for the sign.  You don't see borders from space.  Most of them have Olympic swimming pools of blood splashed all over them from repeated war.  Despite the depths of explanations historians and politicians dive into, the main driver of war is greed and/or some form intolerance.

Global trade is centuries old, global communication is now nearly instant, global travel has been possible for more than a century, but we still hang onto primitive borders and fight over them.  If not borders, it's ideology or something material.  Yet certain groups fear advancement towards global governance.

Some of that fear is warranted perhaps, considering the ease at which corruption and abuse of power creep into even a small country that is less opposed to dragging an asshole out of their office and beating them to death.  But we are one species underneath all the self-imposed herding into particular groups.  This tribal mentality, the gravitation towards opposing groups ranging from sports teams to whole ideologies, might just be the end of us at some point because some of you goofs get violent.  It's a primordial relic we haven't evolved past yet and I don't know if that turning point will happen in my lifetime.

Delving further into the racism and intolerance thing... what the fuck?  Any student of history, even half asleep, can probably figure out that one group of folks may have a superiority complex over another group of folks.  The results from those are plain as day in the annals of history.  As of this writing, there are over 1000 hate groups identified by the Southern Poverty Law Center in the United States.  One thousand groups of people with their head squarely and firmly inserted into their ass.

Societal tolerance needs hard limits.  Racism should be intolerable and challenged at all fronts.  The same goes for sexism and other ugly marks on the world.  To go absolute with tolerance is just foolish, that would lead to an "anything goes" scenario and chaos.  

Changing lanes here.  If you voted for someone and they gained office, do me a favor and hold them accountable for the bullshit they spew.  They don't need the hickeys from you sucking their ass and you're embarrassing yourself.  Your devotion will only be rewarded by a stray fart to the face or your head in a toilet.  You're welcome for that mental image.

Last-minute exit ramp dive before closing this mess.  Don't put up with abuse. Life is way too short to stick to something that makes you miserable and gives someone undue power over you.  Could be a spouse, partner, boss, "friend," or even a family member.  If they aren't doing you any good by being in your circle, find a way to cut them out of your life.  There isn't a valid reason for hanging around.  There are no medals or award ceremonies for time served in any sort of abusive relationship.  Cut the shit.

[nl37tgt]

Assumption is the mother of all fuck-ups.  11/6/2018

Party, color, religion, tribe, or other silly walls the average Joe tends to build around themselves is not my wheelhouse.  We all bleed the same color.  We’re all just walking, talking shit factories with the tools to make more shit factories near the output. Despite MANY arguments to the contrary, I’m not a “libtard” or “snowflake” by the prescribed narrow stereotypes that get tossed around freely.  I’m not asleep either because I debunk and debate talking points with citation and evidence to counter.  I may need glasses to see distance, but I’m not blind merely because I’m not a patron of your cult.  I’m not there for an insult slinging argument, I’m there to have a civil discussion which is rarely met.  I don’t let the insults land and I don’t reciprocate.  I am an American first.  If that offends you, cry me a river. I am a gun owner, and I do support the Second Amendment.  I do have the utmost respect for members of the military and veterans.  In the 2016 election cycle, I did vote for a few moderate republicans.  Trump didn’t get my vote. On the flip side, I support pro-choice within reason.  No, abortion is not meant to be a birth control measure and I think it should be limited to within the first trimester, but it’s also not my place to decide what a woman can and can’t do based on my opinion alone.  There are a number of scenarios where abortion is definitely a valid option.  Rape, incest...to rattle off a couple. I’m a fan of small government and lower taxes, let’s face it, the US govt is bloated and top heavy.  But I’m not a fan of handouts to the wealthy nor the deregulation of measures designed to protect the land or the people for the sake of billionaires. I’m all for bringing manufacturing back to the US, but at a living wage and not pissing off the rest of the world.  I think universal healthcare is a good idea, if the numbers make sense.  I think trade skills need a resurgence and the fervor to get into college needs a chill pill.  The future isn’t in coal, oil and gas and more weight should be thrown at cleaner methods of energy. Education is always paramount.  The current “teach for the test” trends are leading to kids knowing a few things, but not understanding the things they know.  Knowledge is nothing without understanding.  It’s like cramming a library with pages, but there’s no volumes or covers to make any sense of the pages.  More than a few members of the American leadership have a serious problem grasping what scientific consensus means and that should scare the living shit out of you, because the derp is getting worse due to poor policies and practices.  In the age of instant information, kids need a much better bullshit detector than what’s currently available from the education system.  A solid understanding of the scientific method and a grasp of deductive reasoning would be of great use. This is a nation of immigrants.  Those seeking legal methods should be given a fair shot of becoming a citizen.  And those seeking asylum should as well because in many parts of the world, life is much more violent and devoid of the comfort you complain about.  In case you’re wondering, undocumented immigrants cost the American taxpayer 7 times less than the 700B dollar military budge that still manages to fail at sheltering nearly 40,000 homeless veterans in January of 2018.  Chew on that a while. If you can debate a point with civility and sources to back your claim, I’ll listen.  I might even change my mind.  If you’re a confrontational prick parroting bullshit you found on the asshole of the internet and you feel “woke,” we’re gonna have a problem.  I’m gonna kill you with levelheaded and verbose response.  You might need a safe space. Things aren’t black and white, nor are they red and blue.  If you lack the nuance, you’re not being honest when you stuff your ass in a voting booth.  Remember that for next time. It would seem a lot of people lack the understanding that what you believe and what is the truth can be different things.  I’d rather know the ugly truth than believe a pretty lie.  How about you?  Facts are facts whether you believe them or not.  Get use to it or have fun living in dipshit Disneyland. Sorry, not sorry.

[nl37tgt]

Cult of Stupid (6-20-2018)

Call it what you will if you don’t care for the title, but it is what it is.  If you ignore facts when presented, preferring a fortress of belief, I’m going to reserve the right to call you a dumbass...and that’s being polite.  To not know is to be ignorant.  There’s not a damn thing wrong with “I don’t know,” or “I’m not sure.”  You can learn what you need to from there.  Ignorance falls to stupidity when one refuses to learn what is correct or defends what is false.  Ladies and Gents, this is the world now, or maybe always has been.  Thralls to opinion and belief that fear a browbeating from their likeminded peers if they stray ever so slightly.  Defending their master’s fortress of ideology because it’s the only home they know, even if the palace is built from bricks of shit and bad intention.  All the other dwellings are too scary and foreign. There is a major problem with the acceptance of fact over belief in this here Divided States of ‘Murica.  I’m going to piss in a lot of cheerios. Social media is highlighting the reactionary dipshits that we are, that rely on half baked memes to get the news.  Many of which contain half truths and whole lies, completely without context or content, and without citation to a verifiable source.  Or they cite some garbage website from the asshole of the internet and claim is gospel.  Especially concerning when the author of such “news” on these types of sites has no name or face and the “organization” has no address.  Then the bonus nachos kicks in, people HATE being wrong or having their precious beliefs stepped on.  They kick and scream and cry, get indignant and insulting, and fight like an animal backed into a corner just to violently show how big of an idiot they are.  When the person presenting the facts finally gives up, the idiot thinks they won something and dances around their empire of dirt and ignorance.  Their misguided and/or uninformed belief “won the day.” The problem is that we all lose.  Presenting lies as truth should be intolerable, it erodes the minds of the gullible and impressionable, of which there are many.  Fact is fact, there is no alternate and fuck what you believe.  Our leader and representatives are busy spreading misinformation and getting in pissing matches while the major news channels spread misinformation and have pissing matches with the opposing major news channel.  Golden showers for everyone who follows along, no Russian hooker required. The earth is not flat.  Just because you can’t see the curve with the naked eye doesn’t mean it can’t be measured with some math and far away object.  If you went 3 miles out to sea in a rowboat, you wouldn’t be able to see the coastline you came from due to the curvature, even with a telescope.  Go build a rocket and fire yourself into space if you don’t believe me. The Jewish Holocaust of WWII did happen.  There’s photographic proof, survivors, and veterans who remember finding those camps.  Anyone who thinks otherwise needs to be in a “reeducation” camp.  We can reuse the camps we stuffed anyone who looked Japanese into after Pearl Harbor. Vaccines do not cause autism.  The one false study back in the 90′s was debunked and the doctor who wrote it lost his licence to practice, a lot of the co-authors retracted.  But still people, in frightening numbers, persist with this garbage.  There’s also derivatives of this bullshit involving mercury or aluminum or whatever.  Still bullshit scare tactics.  If you have metal fillings, there’s already mercury in your mouth.  Did you just shit your pants?  Learn the difference between elemental mercury and alloys/salts.  Sodium goes bang in water, chlorine gas will melt your eyes and lungs, sodium chloride goes on your fries. Those clouds that jets leave in the sky when they pass are called contrails, and they happen above 35,000 feet.  It’s condensed water and a little leftover from jet fuel combustion, which is basically kerosene.  It’s not the government spraying you with mind control juice or whatever.  Put the aluminum foil away and get off the weird side of Youtube.  Seriously, why spray from 35k feet up when you can just use a crop duster cruising just above the treetops?  Because that would actually make sense of course. Alex Jones is not a news source.  He’s a televangelist preaching conspiracy theories while selling endorsed products on his website.  About as useful as an asshole with tastebuds, but twice as shitty.  A farting preacher, but the farts emanate from his face hole.  If you cite this clown, I automatically feel sorry for you, and your kids if applicable.  Future generations are going to be homophobic against frogs and blame the government.  Not even kidding. Anthropogenic (big word, I know) climate change is a thing.  Not a Chinese hoax.  97% of people WAY smarter than you (scientists with degrees and such) have done the homework and agreed.  Thousands of hours studying data from multiple directions, from sea ice to bird migration and everything in between, has pointed out that us humans are contributing to things getting warmer.  Yeah, no shit that Earth’s climate does fluctuate on it’s own, but our reliance on fossil fuels which emit large amounts of carbon dioxide and our penchant to clear cut forests that remove CO2 is enough to accelerate things.  If you still aren’t convinced, you will be when coastal cities look like Venice, Italy and the world continues to get clobbered by increasingly more violent weather.  Keep your ruby slippers handy Dorothy.  You should buy that boat. The majority of homeopathy, alternative medicine, ect ect, is snake oil, unless there’s been a good deal of scientific study to determine the effects.  Might as well call it Chinese traditional medicine.  You know, rhino horn for a fever, tiger penis for a natural Viagra.  I hear that jamming a spoonful of chili powder up your ass cures hemorrhoids.  Use sriracha if you prefer the liquid option, the squirt nozzle provides extra convenience when dealing with a puckered asshole.  Which if you’ve gotten this far and I hit any of your buttons, I’m sure it’s fully puckered by now. The investigation being spearheaded by Robert Mueller is not a witch hunt.  It’s hunting for corruption, conspiracy, treason, and collusion.  In effect, draining the swamp you want drained.  Four guilty pleas as it stands right now, and a fist full of indictments.  Let the man follow that rabbit hole as far as it goes if you still stand by that campaign slogan.  So far he’s been handling the negative remarks and happy horseshit like a pro.  Did I mention that he’s a lifelong republican?  Why all the fuss?  Oh yeah, you’re a parrot who repeats whatever you hear.  Have a cracker/paltry tax cut that’s set to expire.  Squawk motherfucker. Friends don’t let friends believe in bullshit. 

[nl37tgt]

Salute your shorts.  (11-6-2017)

Spurned by another debate about the Confederate flag (tiresome, i know) that cropped up in something far more concerning, I’m going to poke my head into this mess. A flag says nothing in it’s symbology without the context in which it is displayed.  In the case of the typical Confederate flag, it’s display can be representative of a number of things.  Some fly it as a banner of rebellion without the civil war and slavery in context.  Some fly it in honor of Confederate soldiers who died during the Civil War.  Some see it as a symbol of southern pride and heritage, which can be interpreted broadly.  It’s also on a pretty awesome ‘69 Dodge Charger that jumps over stuff on a TV show and movie. On the flip side of this, we’ve all seen white supremacists fly that flag recently right along with Nazi regalia.  To some, it is a symbol of discrimination, and rightly so considering the previous sentence.  To others it’s a symbol of a major failure of diplomacy and lack of compromise in young nation. For whatever reason, that flag means a lot of different things for many different people and this is where the argument begins.  There’s differing views on what that flag represents. Historically, the pattern was designed by William Porcher Miles, a secessionist aka “fire-eater”, and an uncompromising supporter of slavery and it’s spread.  The design was initially rejected as the flag of the Confederate States of America.  The pattern was most notably used by the Confederate Army of North Virginia under General Lee, but variants were used by other sections and branches.  The pattern was also incorporated into the second and third flags of the Confederate States of America.   Let’s be crystal clear here.  Historical consensus also concludes that the secession was spurred by the interests of the southern states to protect the institution of slavery.  There was active debate and tension about the idea of allowing slavery to be practiced in the newly acquired territories before Lincoln was elected along with pressure from the north for the south to ween themselves off the practice.  Some states seceded before the presidential election of 1860.  When Lincoln was elected, as he was opposed to the idea of allowing slavery into the territories, the rest of the southern states lost their shit, pulled out of the union and started attacking federal garrisons.  Fort Sumter, look it up.  There’s was other contributing factors during the approach to a shooting war, but the issue of slavery was central. Now, you can’t have a United States of America if half of those states jump ship and try to make their own nation.  The Civil War was initially a war to restore union and shut down what was basically an armed revolt, the abolishment of slavery came along for the ride later, and it did both at quite a cost. SO, we have a flag that was flown by uncompromising supporters of institutionalized slavery, insurrection, and treason who ultimately surrendered back in the 1860′s.  At the time, it was a colorful “Fuck you, we want slaves and we’re willing to do all sorts of unfavorable things to keep them!”  That was it’s context at that point in time despite arguments to the contrary in modern times. So what IS it’s context today.  Symbology does evolve.  Depends on who you talk to when you boil it down.  The the context is completely subject to the person displaying said flag, but the original context does cast a shadow.  If the American Red Cross adopted a swastika for it’s new logo, people would lose their minds despite the intentions of that organization.  Interestingly, the swastika is a couple thousand years older than Nazi Germany, and multi-culturally not always a symbol of hate, but it’s stigma is very far reaching after Hitler’s shenanigans.  Good sense and good practice would be to avoid symbology picked up by fascists.  In turn, it would probably make sense to avoid symbology that white supremacists have adopted universally or risk being thrown in with that lot unless that’s what you’re going for. Removing it from government buildings doesn’t remove the history as many may suggest either.  It lives on the page and in the exhibits of museums where there is accuracy and verbosity to the context so that the people and pieces are fully understood.  The same could be said of the statues that have been in heated debate. In short, the history isn’t going anywhere, the celebrated pride and heritage isn’t exactly virtuous, cut the shit with that flag.  No disrespect to the men that fought in that war, their blood should never be forgotten, and should serve as a reminder that compromise is very important in this rather unsettled nation.

[nl37tgt]

Ointment for Assholes (11-5-2017)

There is a plague.  There’s no immediately visible symptoms, the only way to detect this ailment is from observation and taking careful notes.  Blood tests and DNA analysis have yet to isolate the root cause.  There’s no statistics on how many are affected, but quarantine is recommended upon detection since data is showing a spreading trend.  Study has pointed out that this pathogen is very likely inherited and/or influenced by outside social influences. Subjects afflicted show signs of having an unhealthy sense of ownership of their partner, a propensity for being untrusting without rationality, a subconscious motivation to isolate their partner from friends and family, and an internal directive to control many aspects of their partner’s life. In severe cases, the subject afflicted may exhibit narcissistic and/or sadistic behavior and may even become violent. Parallel afflictions may include other psychological disorders, substance abuse and infidelity. No cure is known to science.  Those exposed to the infection should seek to distance themselves from the afflicted as soon as possible to avoid costs involved with recovery and counseling. Well that was fun.  Without the pseudo-science I’m basically saying that if you’re snuggled up to an abusive, controlling, isolating and maybe violent fuckwit that treats you like property, and/or has hit multiple levels of dishonesty, get the fuck out of the deal.  It’s not complicated.  That sort of relationship is a toxic one.  Yet time and again, I hear of the same pattern being repeated.  I’d say it’s shocking, but it’s not.  We’re social creatures looking for mates at the primal level.  Kinda shitty that it’s still possible for folks to put up with a lot of shenanigans in that pursuit. You’re not property, surely not something to be slowly sequestered, and you’re not a punching bag.  Build an exit strategy and put it in motion.  Life is too short to put up with that kind of fuckery.

[nl37tgt]

Injected Alcatraz  (11-5-2017)

Papaver somniferum is the new Belladonna.  A rather unassuming and beautiful pink flower of this poppy has brought relief in some places and ruin in others.  Sadly, the ruin is coming more frequently these days.  A growing number of faces and names in memory are wraiths free to haunt, some louder than others, by those who have fatally fallen to the spell weaved by nature and science in the pursuit of... I won’t assume to know the reasons people have chosen to step foot in the prison of opiate addiction although I can make a number of guesses and not be totally wrong. Wanted to fit into a certain crowd? Couldn’t happen to you? Went looking for an escape from the day to day? Doctor got you started? The list could continue, but it’s fairly irrelevant.  Each addict will have their own reasons, and it’s their decision to share if they get the chance to.  A growing number don’t get to share or get to see another dawn without the concrete and razor wire of that facility obscuring the view.  It’s not just your town, or a certain place, it’s everywhere.  It seems I learn of a peer who has been behind these particular bars on at least a quarterly basis. I’ve held company with addicts, both active and in recovery, and have spent a good bit of time trying to understand the thing.  The understanding I’ve come to is my own and wholly third person, but someone might find some of it useful, so here it is. -- Everyone should know that an addict will lie, cheat, and steal to support that addiction.  In some cases, even sell themselves.  In truth, the person you knew before the drug moved in is most likely not the addict who just lifted your credit card.  The person you knew is replaced by an animal need to hide their personal prison from sight and keep the withdrawal symptoms at bay.  Those withdrawal symptoms aren’t pretty either.  Unless you enjoy puking, shitting, shaking, sweating and not sleeping for a week or more.  Remember, those symptoms can lead to dehydration, which can be lethal, and these are just the physical symptoms. -- To further head in the direction of truth, people in recovery typically aren’t the addict they were unless they immediately relapse.  If someone in recovery is making a solid effort to stay clean and is openly talking about their issue, it’s not good practice to avoid them like the plague.  They might glance back at that cold cell while in the process of adjusting to a more normal life which involves.  Expect a stumble or two, it’s common to the point of expected.  They know they fucked up, burned bridges and perhaps did some rather unsavory things, they don’t need the reminders.  They are trying to start over, you should as well.  I know, easy to say, harder in practice.  Start off by being thankful that they aren’t dead at the very least, go from there. Without the analogy and less verbosity: Hate the drug, not the addict, especially those in recovery.  As much anger as you have for their actions while using, they mostly likely have the regret and remorse to match and then some.  Support your local Narcotics Anonymous meetings and any other means these folks have to get and stay clean.  A simple word or a cup of coffee can be enough to keep someone on the the path of staying clean and alive. If you are reading this and are struggling with addiction of any sort, not just opiates, please seek help.  Yes, there may be legal repercussions and a lot of work in learning how to live without your preferred chemical friend.  Take the lumps and come out the other side stronger.   Your story might prevent someone else from following the same steps you made.  You are irreplaceable.   https://www.na.org/meetingsearch/

[nl37tgt]

United States of Malice and Irrationality.  (10-5-2017)

Approaching the depths of the Mariana Trench (36,000ft down) and just as crushing (15,000psi) to the casual visitor, the level of division around here is rather unsettling.  If it comes to politics or any debate involving a societal issue, it can’t be discussed critically or intelligently, attack mode must be engaged and teams must be chosen or one will be assumed for you. It would be safe to assume that no matter what side of the fence you’re on, or you’re sitting on the fence, you’ve been attacked in some way.  Fuck the wall along the border with Mexico, there’s already a wall built between folks on either the Republican side or the Democrat side.  The folks in the middle of this divide have it the worst with both sides screaming at them to pick a side. The problem is that the leaders of both camps in this great divide feed their flock of ravenous supporters bullshit on a regular basis supported by acolytes with computers stabbing out biased or outright false information to steer opinion.  The ravenous and tribal jackasses devour that bullshit like it’s ambrosia and continue to throw their shit over that fence at the “opposition” or the “enemy” like good little monkeys.  Any dissent is met with teeth. I have news for you.  If the person you voted for is currently sitting in office, you can actually be critical of that person instead of being a parrot for the team.  In fact, if you did vote for that person, you’re the one that should be most critical of them.  Seriously, does someone have their hand up your ass and operating you like a muppet? The typical counterpoints used in “debate” are so hollow.  So much new terminology has been invented and implemented in such inspired and derogatory ways.  When none of the above scare off the invader, time to pull out the personal attacks.  What’s next?   Here’s another tidbit to chew on.  On the far edges of both sides, you’ll find hypocrisy and delusion.  It’s been found that members of the current administration used private email servers to do government business.  Where’s the big fuss like there was during the campaign? Near the edges, both sides need safe spaces, that’s what the echo chambers you camp in basically are.  “Yay, a place where people agree with me and my chosen one.”  Hey, you’re doing yourself, and the country, a disservice by not trying to come to table of discussion and trying to hammer out a compromise that works for a mix of ideals. Ever hear of divide and conquer?  One of the oldest tricks in the book.  While us lowly citizens are busy chasing memes and arguing among ourselves over mostly trivial matters, the goofs on the hill have been trying to pull some sneaky shenanigans.  We’re still slowly shifting to an oligarchy.  Elections are a good bit of illusion of choice.  If you want to get anything done in government, you need a lot of money and a lobbyist, of which major corporations have both. So here lies the question.  Are we all Americans first?  Or no, have to pick between the jagged little red or blue pills? Pull your head out of your ass and look around, be critical, expect to have your cheerios pissed in occasionally.  Truth and belief are not the same.  Facts aren’t always easy to find.  Honesty is fleeting.  Think for yourself. “Make America Great Again” - For who exactly does that apply?  Nobody seems to ask that.  Curious.

[nl37tgt]

Multiverse (1-22-17)

What is reality?  Do we each have our own version or is there one that’s shared between all?  I’m starting to lean towards individual realities, separate and alien to anyone else.  I’m coming to this just by observation.  The individual biases displayed show the weaknesses in divining fact from fiction.  Anyone will find it easier to align with anything that falls into their own mode of thinking, and easier to denounce anything that is contrary to their ideals.  At this point facts don’t matter as much and belief takes over.  Add in some ego and you have a nasty combination.  I see it all the time, especially on social media.  Anyone who disagrees is an idiot, or needs to wake up... despite the opposition presenting a thoughtful and neutral counterpoint. Sorry to say, but if you cannot entertain the thought of something different or contrary to what you have cemented between your ears, you’re the idiot and you’re taking the nap.  Park your ego in the corner and pay attention, you might actually learn something of value. Unfortunately we live in a time where the integrity of the news is nearly non-existent.  We know Fox and CNN have an agenda, a bias, but we subscribe to it anyway.  They also have the bad habit of injecting opinions into the populace.  Journalistic integrity is second to ratings and ad revenue.  When is the last time you’ve seen a news outlet retract something they reported after it was found that they were mistaken? The internet is worse.  Due to a deeper lack of integrity and a promise of ad revenue, anyone can make a site claiming whatever they want without sources and without penalty.  The more bombastic and inflammatory the better, because that generates more clicks, which means more money. All of these things change that individual reality and steer reactions, opinions and personal bias.  Assumption is the mother of all fuck-ups folks. And since there’s not much accountability or integrity in popular media, the populace has started to mirror that.  At one time we aspired to be intelligent and demanded to be well informed, but now I see a trend in the opposite direction where people will chase down and spread misinformation merely because it aligns with their own bias, truthful or not, and “I didn’t know” is a valid excuse to act like an asshole. That is a problem.  When incorrect, dishonest and bias-altered bits of information are spread, that changes the individual reality of anyone it reaches.  In a world where everyone is connected to a network, that kind of thing reaches a lot of eyes and ears in milliseconds.  Which leads to a large number of people being poorly informed or misinformed, because it’s too much trouble to fact check and nobody is keeping a list of who is spreading bullshit. So what is the fix?  I don’t know.  In a world where memes get more attention than long winded articles delivering facts and reason, it’s not a simple solution.  Perhaps the starting point is to not take anything at face value and look beyond the single article.  The noise to signal ratio between actual information and brain rotting fluff is getting worse than trying to find a cell phone signal in the middle of no where.  There are a lot of fly by night “news” sites luring people in with clickbait headlines that try real hard to seem legitimate but quickly fall apart when you start chasing citations and sources.  There is a lot of opinions slung by even the major news outlets.  Form your own opinions, make yourself informed.  Nobody is going hold your hand unless they want to guide you one way or another.  You have access to the information superhighway in your pocket, why carpool?

[nl37tgt]

Frappe (11-29-2016)

Everyone has a worry, a fear, a hesitation...somewhere.  If they don’t, they might be a fool.  You’re suppose to avoid those you know.  They shouldn’t procreate either, but that’s another subject. Nobody can get through life by being care free.  Besides, it sounds rather boring to be free of care. Sometimes, those cares fill your head with new cares at a blinding speed.  “What if” is the header for the majority of those swirling little assholes.  The context after the header doesn’t really matter, you just want to find the off switch before the blender in your head forces a meltdown.  Oh shit, there’s another care.  Son of a bitch.  Sound the alarm, panic mode engaged, hide the women and kids it’s time to freeze in place and move at the speed of neurons. As comical as I tried to make that, it basically describes anxiety and a panic attack.  Been there ladies and gents, so don’t shoot me just yet.  Nothing wrong with having them.  Besides, if you’re not a little nuts, there’s something wrong with you.  As long as you’re not carving up your neighbor and making meatloaf, you’re not crazy.  If you are doing what was just mentioned, don’t invite me to dinner. Rather dark humor aside, one thing I have learned is that you do have some control.  Once you can identify your triggers and that the motor is spooling up, you can, with work, yank the plug early or at least throttle down. It’s real easy to get lost in the soup of “what if” and while that’s circling, you’re frozen in indecisiveness and lost in a cascade of possibility.  That first step past any decision forward seems like a 300 foot cliff even though it might be a decision between pepperoni or mushrooms.  (psst, I like pepperoni) When it comes to the things directly in your control, like pizza toppings, train yourself to have a little voice that says “Yo goofball, you’re putting way too much into this.”  Let that little voice give you a little push, you’ll be ok, seriously.  Of course, not everything is as easy a decision over breakfast.  Work on scaling consideration to the scenario but listen to that little voice.  Marriage requires more consideration than the debate over ketchup vs catsup.  Anyone else getting hungry yet? When it comes to things out of your control or on the fringe of your influence, which could be a lot of things, you have to work at accepting that you have little to no control there and remind yourself that you can deal with an unknown outcome.  Nobody has a working crystal ball and the possible outcomes of any scenario are endless.  Being prepared is one thing, but spinning yourself into a tizzy trying to cover every single possibility will only leave you exhausted and unable to properly handle the eventual outcome.  It’s also easy to get stuck on the worst case scenario, it’s usually the most frightening one in there, you know which one I mean.  Tell that big ugly prick to wait towards the back, there’s other more likely outcomes. Easy on paper, difficult in practice, I know.  I told you there would be some work involved.  Luckily, it’s at your own pace.  No excuses if I catch you at the unemployment line, you’re gonna get a noogie. So what is the work?  Challenge yourself.  Take little steps.  Identify and face your fears.  Kick them in the shin and run like hell laughing from time to time.  Other times, kick that fear in the ass and run like hell laughing.  Basically, if one approach doesn’t work out for you, try another. If OCD is your thing and having something out of place drives you nuts, challenge yourself to leave a small item out of place and get comfortable with it.  Then recognize that accomplishment.  Rinse and repeat.  This is not an excuse to be an absolute slob though.  I mean wear a different color sock for a few minutes or something. If you have a social anxiety, push into that fear and push through it.  Yes yes, people judge, but should you really care?  Not really.  What’s circling in your brain is very often the exact opposite of what they’re thinking.  You’re not a mind reader silly.  Do your best to block it out.  Whatever quirks you have and think you have are what make you YOU.  If they don’t like your quirks, oh well, it’s not like you owe them money, or a kidney.  If you do, quit making deals with mafia loan sharks and/or third world surgeons please. If you’re in the middle of a panic attack, you’ve probably had one before.  Scary shit, I know.  But hey, you have experience here, use it.  Throw on the brakes a little bit, understand what you’re in the middle of and that you’ll be ok.  You were ok before right?  If you weren’t, how the hell are you reading this?  Curious...  anyhoo, concentrate on your breathing and work on clearing your mind.  Fight tooth and nail to realign. Now before you get all offended by my antics, don’t think I’m trying to make fun of a paralyzing and serious problem.  I’ve kept it lighthearted here in the hopes of making you smile and/or laugh, which is good medicine for anxiety.  If you’re wondering what frappe means, you might find it on a blender, it’s usually a high setting.  See what I did there now?  :D Hang in there, you got this.  Fight back.

[nl37tgt]

Alphabet soup, now with side effects (11-28-16)

Anxiety...  Depression... PTSD...  Bipolar...  ADHD... The list of conditions and acronyms are endless and so are the mountains of medications prescribed.  We live in a chemically dependent society where no one realizes that the drugs are to get you through the roughest parts and the rest is up to you.  Did I just make you realize something? Granted, some people cannot function without their meds.  I know that.  I know that some people are downright dangerous to themselves and others without medication.  But I also see a couple horrible trends from my travels.

People use those conditions and acronyms as an excuse, a scapegoat, for what they do and what they refuse to do.  The other trend is that people rely too much on the magic of medication, they expect the pill to fix everything with no further input.  Umm, you’re doing it wrong. Folks, you may be diagnosed with this or that, but that does not define you.  Yes, those conditions are real and they are part of you, but they are only part of a much larger whole.  You are not summed up by a medical term.  Period. 

Learn and explore new ways to mitigate, alleviate and potentially conquer whatever is on your plate as long as it’s healthy and safe.  Something as simple as an outside perspective can change your life.  A little introspection can go a looooong way.  Your motivation for this in inbuilt, you are tired of feeling a certain way.  Use that to drive your exploration.

The easy road is to subscribe to the shelf full of stuff you can’t quite pronounce and being stagnant while comfortably numb.  The hard road is chasing new ideas, gaining new perspectives and pushing your own buttons.  It’s not as pleasant, but you might find that this road will equip you with more and better tools. Think about it at least.

[nl37tgt]

[nl37tgt]

Distillery (April 2016)

This one has been a long time coming.  It’ll probably piss a few people off but, hey, welcome to my brain again.  It’s my space, I live here, you don’t have to stay.  You might want to hit that bathroom first, this is probably gonna be a long read. Can we all agree that alcohol is a bit too socially acceptable?  To the point where getting drunk is not only common but celebrated, encouraged and sometimes enabled?  Somehow drunk now equates to fun in a number of circles.  Look around and think about it.  Can you see what I see?  I’ve been told that I should loosen up and live a little, have a drink... Hold up, before you get all “this guy is an abolitionist” on me.. it didn’t work before and it won’t work a second time around.  The general populace loves their vices.  But hang with me here, I might be able to expand your headspace.  This not the non-drinker (me) bashing the folks who choose to imbibe, just my observation and insight.  No high horse, no BS, no preaching. People drink for a host of different reasons.  Seriously, think about how many reasons someone has cracked one open or hit the bar.  A bad day, a good day, a holiday.  A recent funeral, a birthday, a wedding.  To relax, to remember, to forget.  To celebrate, to mourn, at communion.  Any and every reason, sometimes no reason at all. Kinda mindblowing isn’t it?  Ever think about it that way?  Weaved in so small that it’s hardly noticeable till some crazy longhaired dude points it out.  Question yourself if you find that you’ve penciled in your initials next to a number of things in the last paragraph.  A little introspection goes a long way, might save you some serious shit. Granted, not everyone who drinks is an alcoholic.  I know that as well as you.  But you don’t have to look to far to see what alcohol with a shot of excess can do if you pay attention.  The loss of inhibition, loss of motor skill and the impairment of judgement has bitten a number of people I know, hard.  They’ll be feeling that for a long time.  It’s all fun and games until..oops, shit got real. Try to tell me you haven’t seen someone who chases the bottom a bottle a bit to much for their own good and I’ll call you a liar.  You know they have a problem.  Whether they admit it is totally up to them.  Challenge their habit.  Ask them to prove that they can do without.  Prove to them that you do actually give a shit.  You won’t have 100% success rate but it’s not  bad thing to at least try to keep people from drinking themselves to death.  About 1 in 20 people in the US have an alcohol dependence.  Read that last one again and look at your contact list on any social media.  I can tell you with certainty that alcoholism and a heroin addiction are looked at in the same light at a Narcotics Anonymous meeting, I’ve sat in on a few. I could get into the science but then I’d be labeled a terrorist.  Plus, this would turn into an encyclopedia covering everything from biology to string theory and nobody wants that.  I could also get into my own reasons for not wanting to get into alcohol, but I’m not ready to write a biography nobody would read.  A couple people know my reasons, good enough.

[nl37tgt]

Mountains and Rivers (6.5.16)

We've all said it and heard it once before.   "Be Strong."  "You're stronger than you know."  "Stay strong."  "I'm strong." But what do those common phrases actually mean?  As is typical, I'm going to use a number of analogies.  Hafþór Júlíus Björnsson, known as Thor, or The Mountain from "Game of Thrones" is a very big, very strong guy.  He can carry a 1400 pound log on his shoulders, but he can only carry it 5 steps. Any kind of weight, physical or emotional will fatigue someone over time if it can't be shed.  Even a small amount of weight will fatigue over time.  If you strap 50 pounds onto a couple people's backs and tell them to carry it as far as they can without a break, their distance traveled will differ. Being stronger than you know is true though.  Runners and soldiers know of "the wall," where they're bodies are telling them to stop.  They can continue to go on due to intense training and mental conditioning.  They move on pure willpower after that point.  It's not something everyone can  do. The same could be said of each person's emotional limits.  Everyone handles situations differently and can take on only so much at one time before they hit that wall.  And again, some can move on pure  willpower past that point and keep going, but that's pretty dangerous.  Emotional weight differs from physical mass here, it's not nearly as  easy to shed. Emotional burdens can be carried for years, if not decades.  Traumas, stresses, tragedies, regrets, mistakes and doubts build up and without release, they crush...and can kill.  Sudden tragedy can easily push people beyond their limit. The question is though, do we have an ultimately destructive definition of what it means to be strong?  Are we so trained to hide emotion and "Be Strong" that it's destructive?  Are we pushing ourselves and each other to the point of emotional collapse where reason and logic don't exist anymore? I've seen people apologize at a vigil/funeral/viewing for showing emotion and quickly choke back the tears that need to happen.  Why is this?  To have emotion is to be human, how did showing emotion start to be a sign of weakness?  Why have we grown so ashamed of feeling?  Young children are better at being emotive. Commonly, people bottle things up and hold onto them.  Even myself, I was trained and learned to be stoic and impassive.  That bottle can only get so full though, and when it bursts, it can be a cataclysmic flood. The most common emotion behind the dam is sadness and anxiety.  Anger and happiness are pretty  free to do what they will, they evaporate off the top readily. Perhaps we should redefine and further explain the common phrases we've used.  Through my own experiences, it takes more strength to let your emotion show, especially the sadness and anxiety, even more so in company with others.  We feel vulnerable and naked when those spring forth.  Perhaps the definition of being strong, in these instances that we use it, should mean to have the strength to open up and share.  Open up the spillway more frequently and let some of the level drop in measured and safe ways before the dam breaks.  Stop standing on the cork and let some spill out.  Ask a friend, or a dozen, to help move a 1400 pound log.

[nl37tgt]

To paint a new picture (Nov 8)

Time for the friendly neighborhood longhaired guy to start typing again.

I've learned that another young person has taken their own life. His name is Brett and he's local, that's all I know. Never met him but I have a couple of his friends on my Facebook friends list, so I'm gonna do what I do.

I'm going to share something I learned on my own. Emotions can blind you, but emotions are what make us alive.

To use painting as an analogy:

With no emotion, everything is grey and dull. Feeling adds color and shade to what we do, see and hear. Feeling happy adds the lighter and brighter tones, feeling sad adds the darker tones.

A shift to more of the darker tones makes the bright points smaller and less prominent on the canvas unless you look closely. A few points of light in a sea of black and gray. This is what you'd consider depression.

So, that being known, what should you do if you see someone painting a dark image? Grab a brush and slap something warm and bright on there as best you can. They're gonna be busy trying to slap more dark on it until they notice what you're doing, so keep at it. Be their bright point. Be a friend, listen and watch. Be a good friend, honest and trustworthy. Damaged people are distrustful by nature. It will take work, but it is usually worth it.

To those who keep their painting private, art is meant to be shared. Granted, everyone is a critic, you have to find the right audience which can be difficult. It takes work, but that audience is there somewhere. When you find it, it is very rewarding. Don't beat people over the head with your art, introduce it slowly and gauge reaction.

To Brett. Damn it man, I'm sure there were bright points if you could only see them. Now your friends and family can only paint who you were.

Folks, we're all on this little mudball, we're all pretty much the same, why all the petty nitpicking? Throwing other people under the bus to make yourself feel better is counterproductive. Do you want to be remembered for how many tears you made, or do you want to be remembered for how many smiles you made? Body count or buddy count, your choice.

[nl37tgt]

Redirect from bandaids

I'm aware cutting and other forms of self harm are a thing. Allow the friendly neighborhood long-haired dude to throw a few cents in that direction.

I get it. I really do. Self harm is your release. Physical pain somehow relieves your emotional torment.

Let me offer a potential alternative... Exercise. Take all that you got and put it to use to better yourself. Work hard enough and it will hurt. Your muscles will scream from the exertion. The next day you will most likely be sore. Let that remind you that not only did you find a good way to ease your mind but you also are improving your body. You will be stronger, both mentally and physically. You won't have to hide scars. You'll probably drop a couple pounds, if that's your concern, as well.

How do I know this? It's what I do to relieve stress, anxiety, anger and bouts of depression. I grab my MP3 player and spend anywhere from 30 minutes to hours on a 20 year old, worn out Bowflex. The playlist varies depending on my mood. The volume is loud enough to drown out distraction. Right now I'm 205lbs. I was 190 for a little bit, but cake happened, lots of cake, and donuts. A couple years ago, I was 240 or better.

Before you say it, no, you don't need equipment. There's a lot you can do with stuff you have laying around or just your own body weight.

The science backs it up. Exercise releases those feel good hormones. Look it up.

So give it a try, anything is better than hurting yourself in a negative way.

Now, it's been a heavy week for me as well. Much on my mind. Time to see my therapist...

[nl37tgt]

True or False (written Sept 2013)

The best people in this world, the good and genuine at the core, carry the most emotional burden. We feel alone in it's weight, we grow tired of carrying it. Every once in a while, we bump into other good and genuine people. Here we make a choice, a choice that must be made responsibly. We either use that weight as a weapon to crush or scare away, or we can carefully and lovingly hold each other up, share in the load for a while and shed some of it in the process. There are folks in this world that comfort themselves by hurting others, don't feel anger or hate towards them, understand that they haven't taken the time or energy to really explore or share themselves and understand that by hurting others, they hurt themselves.

[nl37tgt]

Of fire... (written Nov 2013)

(get comfy and grab some aspirin, this is long and maybe difficult to read)

Some interesting things were said to me, and some interesting questions posed. As usual, after a period of time, I went deep. As my head hit the pillow one night, the brain shifted into overdrive on one particular topic. The concept of love.

How to define it, how to explain the concept of it? What analogy could I possibly use? Then it hit me, fire. Just as Johnny Cash did so many years ago with “Ring of Fire.” I explored the analogy, dug out similes and metaphors that bind the two and define it as I see it and tested it against personal experiences past and present. See if you agree.

A minor lesson in fire-making and history first. A single piece of wood will not stay lit, it will smolder and go out over time. In primitive fire-making using a flint and steel, fire starts from a single spark which in turn creates a fragile ember. That ember is carefully placed into a tinder bundle and worked into a small flame. The small package of flame is added underneath a structure of kindling and allowed to grow larger. From there on, the fire is maintained or increased by adding more fuel as needed. But fire can consume and destroy and must be watched and contained. Our ancestors mastered fire somewhere around a 50,000 to 100,000 years ago, now we carry it in our pockets. It has been bent to our will but still holds danger. Now into the rabbit hole....

A relationship takes two individuals. As I said, one piece of wood would smolder and go out, it can also be tossed around carelessly, causing havoc and destruction if it lands in a pool of gasoline or near a leaky propane tank. A one sided relationship can either go out or cause havoc if an accelerant is present. Emotional instability and a lack of self control is that accelerant, this is a cause of obsessions and other destructive disorders that plague the world.

In relationships, platonic and romantic, love starts the same way, a small spark and ember. That spark and ember could be defined in many ways. Respect, minor shared experiences, a single common interest, just to name a few. Something relatively small and sometimes hard to see. Doesn't create much heat or smoke. Acquaintance level.

The tinder could be defined as commonality. Commonality in points of view, lifestyle, interests, mutual respect and so forth. Still relatively small things but the heat and flame is beginning to grow. The amount of smoke at this stage can blind and confuse. Anticipations and questions swirl in the air. This is the gray area between acquaintance and friend.

The structure of kindling may be considered as a mutual exchange of histories, emotions, and a general closeness as two people huddle around this young fire with respect to eachother's own personal space, seeking refuge from the cold world we live in. At this point, the fire can be maintained at this stage with small additions of fuel. The flame is large enough to hold attention and warm enough to survive with. This is good friendship and familial love. People with many friends have many small fires run between and huddle near.

At a point and time, there is a mutual decision between two individuals standing at a single fire to add more fuel and let gain intensity. The height of the flame determines the level of friendship, the responsibility of containing and maintaining the fire falls on both parties. If the fire grows enough, it can graduate to romance from this stage if there's room allocated for it. 

Romantic love is a large fire built over time with a good bed of embers that support the combustion. A carefully build pyre that should last, as long as it's contained responsibly and maintained carefully. The fire is burning clean with very little smoke. The barriers of personal space are gone and the level of mutual respect is deeper. What was once an innocent huddle is now a partial melting of the two individuals into one but still maintaining individuality.

Shared traumas and trials add accelerants, pushing the flames high and hot, threatening to consume the couple and the fuel that sustains. Lies kick the logs apart, weakening the fire, creating smoke and sparks. Too much control of the mutual fire by one individual can stir sparks that can land elsewhere, igniting an uncontrollable chain reactions or create so much smoke that they are both blinded and choking.

As known to anyone who has made and sat near a campfire, the flames enchant, the light and heat comfort, the smoke can blind and choke but the fire can burn and consume. Awareness and responsibility is a necessity when building a fire. In every step in any relationship, in the metaphors I described above and below, there is a chance for injury and/or destruction just as there are to elemental fire. Burns, scars and asphyxiations can happen in all relationships just as they happen when you play with fire, even death is a possibility.

The enchanting flames are everyone's desire to love and be loved. The light is a beacon for others to see and learn from, either a guide or a warning of danger. The heat is the physical, mental and emotional closeness between the pair. The smoke is the questions, doubt, and distrust between two which can also obscure the other mutual fires a person has created with other people.

It is said that only fools fall in love, this is very much true. Skipping the steps of fire-making, sidestepping responsibility to yourself and your companion, throwing racing fuel into what was once small. The light is so intense that it ensnares, you lose sight of the other fires you helped build. The heat threatens you and the world around you, the smoke is noxious and poisonous to you and everyone nearby. The inferno is typically short lived, racing fuel is volatile and explosive but burns off fast, leaving people scarred and out in the cold. Through the arrogance of the pair at that inferno and the indifference of the other people at the smaller fires, the conflagration is survivable but at great personal cost.

It is also said that love is blind. I'd argue that it's not blind by nature but can be blinding. Important details and considerations can be overlooked. Necessary questions can go unasked. Abuses can go unnoticed. Other lesser relationships may dwindle from lack of maintenance. It is only capable of blinding if a person allows and accepts it, failing to look away from those enchanting flames to see the other beacons nearby.

So that's the end of my long winded analogy. To sum it up, love and fire are much alike. Both can be comforting and insulating just as much as they can be destructive and dangerous. Awareness and responsibility are required to build both safely. Carelessness can get you and other people hurt, or worse. Distance is necessary if things get a little too hot too fast. Both are controllable chaos. Both are elemental.