#again i know it's about the money and nothing else
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Power Play—Lee Myung-Gi/Player 333 x Fem!Reader
summary— Despite your initial disdain, the connection between you and player 333 deepen with you taking control.
warnings— slight enemies to lovers, switch!myung-gi, fingering, oral(f!receving), praise kink, choking, unprotected sex, creampie.
a/n— He is so hot, fuck meeeee!
Every time you caught Myung-gi’s gaze, your stomach twisted in annoyance and something else you didn’t want to name. He had been staring at you again today, right after being pushed around by Thanos and his crew. You clenched your fists, hating the way he let them treat him like shit, and even more so, hating how his eyes always seemed to find you.
“What the fuck are you looking at?” you hissed, your voice sharp enough to cut through the noise of the room.
“Nothing,” he said. “Can’t look at a pretty girl?” He straightened slightly, brushing dirt from his sleeve with a calmness that only irritated you further.
“You know,” you said coldly, “you’re the reason my brother’s in debt. He’d be here if I wasn’t such a kind sister willing to risk her life to win this money for him. He’s expecting a baby.”
At the mention of a baby, Myung-gi’s gaze flickered briefly to Jun-hee, who sat nearby with a hand on her stomach. A muscle in your jaw tightened, and you hated how his eyes lingered on her just a moment too long.
“Baby, huh?” he said, his voice low.
You didn’t respond, turning on your heel before the conversation could dig under your skin any further. Your chest tightened with something ugly and unfamiliar, jealousy, maybe? You refused to name it.
That night, the room was restless. People shifted in their bunks, some snoring, others mumbling in their sleep. But you couldn’t sleep. Neither could Myung-gi.
You didn’t notice him approach until he crouched beside you, his voice a quiet murmur. “You’re really fucking pretty, you know that?”
Your breath caught. You turned your head, and there he was, his face inches from yours, his dark eyes gleaming. You should have pushed him away, told him to leave you alone. But instead, you whispered, “Do something about it.”
He didn’t hesitate. His lips crashed against yours, and you couldn’t help the way you melted into him. His hands cupped your face as his lips moved with a precision that sent heat pooling low in your stomach.
You lay flat on the bed and his fingers found the edge of your pants, tugging them down with a careful urgency. You shivered as his hand slipped between your thighs, his fingers finding your pussy with an ease that made you throb.
“God,” he murmured against your lips, his voice husky. “So wet for me.”
You let out a shaky gasp, your hands clutching his shoulders as his fingers worked vigorously inside your wetness, each movement teasing. “You’re doing so good,” he whispered, his lips brushing against your ear. “Just cum for me.”
His words tipped you over the edge, and you buried your face in his shoulder to muffle the moan that spilled from your lips. Your body trembled as you came undone, and he didn’t stop his gentle praise, his thrusts softening but never leaving you.
As your high faded, he pulled back to look at you, his dark eyes searching yours. “There,” he said softly. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”
You rolled your eyes, trying to find some semblance of control, but the small smirk tugging at his lips made it impossible. You shoved him lightly, muttering under your breath, “Shut up.”
But the truth was, you didn’t want him to stop.
“Can I taste you?” he asked, his voice low, the hunger in his tone readable.
You rolled your eyes, trying to act unfazed, though your heart pounded in your chest. “Whatever,” you said casually, then pointed a finger at him. “But don’t expect me to suck your dick or anything.”
“Noted,” he said, leaning in to kiss you again. His lips moved slowly this time, taking their time as he hovered over you. You shivered as his lips left your mouth and began a slow descent. He pressed kisses to your neck, your collarbone, and lower still, his hands sliding up your thighs to part them as he made his way down.
When he reached the place where his fingers had been earlier, he paused, his eyes flicking up to meet yours. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this,” he murmured. Then, without waiting for a response, he dipped his head.
The first touch of his mouth was soft, exploratory, but it didn’t stay that way. His tongue was relentless, like he was starving and you were the only thing that could satisfy him. His hands gripped your thighs firmly, holding your legs open as his tongue moved with precision and hunger.
“God,” you breathed, your fingers tangling in his hair, tugging hard enough to make him moan against you. The vibration sent a shockwave through your body, and you bit down on your lip to keep from crying out. “You’re s-so good at this,” you said, your voice trembling.
He hummed in response, his tongue never faltering. It was like he was determined to draw every last bit of pleasure from you, and the way he ate you out had your mind spinning.
You tried to stay quiet, you really did, but it became impossible as the pleasure inside you built to a breaking point. “Myung-gi,” you whimpered, your hips bucking against his mouth.
“Fucking cum for me,” he murmured between lapping, “come on, pretty girl. I want to feel you squirt on my mouth.”
The words sent you over the edge, and with a cry you couldn’t quite muffle, you squirted. Your body trembled violently as waves of pleasure rolled through you, and you felt the undeniable splash as you soaked his mouth.
He didn’t stop, didn’t pull away, his tongue continuing to coax every last drop from your body until you were completely spent. When he finally lifted his head, his lips and chin glistened, but the satisfied smirk on his face said it all.
“Guess you enjoyed that,” he said, his voice teasing but filled with pride.
“Shut up,” you muttered, though the small smile tugging at your lips told it all.
He laughed softly, crawling back up to kiss you, and the taste of yourself on his lips sent a shiver through you. “Whatever you say,” he said, brushing a strand of your curls from your face.
As you shifted slightly, you felt his hardness pressing against your thigh, and a need you couldn’t ignore surged through your pussy. “Hey,” you said softly but firmly, nudging him, “On your back.”
His brows raised slightly, but he didn’t hesitate. Myung-gi obeyed, lying back against the thin bedding, his breathing uneven. His eyes stayed locked on yours, dark and burning with lust.
You reached down, pulling his hard cock free, and his sharp intake of breath sent a thrill through you. Slowly, you positioned your leaking pussy over him. As you sank down, you hissed softly, feeling the stretch as you adjusted to his size. His hands instinctively gripped your hips, his jaw clenching as he tried to stay still for you.
“You good?” he asked, his voice strained, his breathing labored.
“Yeah,” you murmured, taking a moment to adjust before you began to move.
You started slowly, lifting yourself before settling back down, testing the waters. But as you found a rhythm, your confidence grew, and you leaned into it, bouncing on him like you owned him, because, in that moment, you did.
His head tipped back, and a moan escaped his lips. “Oh, God,” he muttered, his voice breaking as he squirmed beneath you. “You’re, God, you’re amazing.”
You smirked, gripping his shoulders for balance as you bounced faster. The sounds of his stuttering breaths and soft moans filled the quiet space, and you could see the way his jaw had gone slack, his mouth wide open in awe and pleasure.
“I’m gonna—” he tried to say, but his words dissolved into a stammering mess. “I’m gonna—”
You leaned down, wrapping one hand around his throat firmly. His eyes snapped open, locking onto yours in shock and a hint of thrill.
“Cum with me,” you whispered, your voice commanding as you began to grind on his cock.
His response was a strangled moan as his body arched beneath you. You pressed your other hand over his mouth, silencing his cries as his entire body began to tremble.
“Now,” you murmured. “Be a good boy and cum inside me.”
The words made him come undone, and you felt him cum as a wave of pleasure hit you simultaneously. Your body shook on top of him as you both came together, your intense orgasms leaving you breathless.
You slowly removed your hand from his mouth, and he gasped for air, his chest heaving. His eyes were wide, his face flushed, but a dazed smile tugged at his lips.
“Wow,” he said after a moment, his voice hoarse. “I love when a woman takes control.”
You smirked, leaning down to press a kiss to his lips. “Good,” you replied, sliding off of him carefully and lying beside him.
His arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you close as the two of you basked in the aftermath, the weird tension finally giving way to a strange sense of peace?
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HYUN-JU
male reader, reader is a college student, talks of dysphoria, hyun-ju's past, reader doesn't know hyun ju's trans, pining/being smitten, death, crying, scuicidal thoughts, im in love with this woman.
note: i am not trans, im a cis dude. if i ever get something wrong or offensive and you're trans just let me know and i'll fix it. Also I saw something where someone said gyeong-seok probably just thought hyun ju was a cis woman who had a really deep voice and i thought it was funny.
You had been lucky to pass the first game. You were scared out of your mind, and the small group you made from the first few games had died. It was terrible, you had no one. It's surprising how despite everyone being in the same situation— you found no more comfort.
But there was this girl you had seen. She had shoulder length hair, and earrings that truly just suit her. She was really pretty, you wanted to talk to her yet she was always with her own group.
Yet this time, she wasn't. She was just by herself for a moment, was she thinking to herself? Maybe you should talk to her? No, that's a bad idea. Okay, but what else was there to do? You might die without talking to the woman of your dreams.
Mustering up the little courage you had, you went over to her. Hands sweaty the closer you got to her. You wiped it on your slightly blood stained uniform, feeling even more icky realizing you were bloody.
Getting closer to her, you sat on a mattress. Shit, what now? You cleared your throat, "H..hi." you felt like you were back in highschool. Mouth dry as if you were talking to your fist crush. She looked over to you, a small smile on her curious face. "Hi."
She spoke to you, holy crap she spoke to you.
"How uh— how are you?" You stuttered.
But before she could answer you shook your head, blurting for her not to answer that stupid question. Jesus your face was burning up, felt like you had a fever.
"I'm sorry," You were able to get that out. "This is dumb, I just thought you were really pretty and.." She hadn't broken eye contact with you, but you could barely look at her. "In a situation like this it's pretty weird to say something like that to someone isn't it?"
"You think I'm pretty?"
You shut your mouth, looking at her oddly. "Yeah..of course i do. Do you not think so?" She scoffed, thinking you were joking. She had just gotten called beautiful by young-mi, and she believed it she truly did. But hearing it from someone she barely knew? Made her feel like crying again.
"I have been called a lot of things, yet not pretty. I only expected to be called pretty after my transition." That was where you made another face more confused than before. "Transition?" Your voice spoke with genuine confusion.
She raised her eyebrow at you, then rolled her eyes. "Don't give me that. I know you can tell." You really couldn't. There was nothing you had against transgender people at all, but it doesn't change the fact you couldn't tell.
"I really wasn't aware, was that offensive to you?" She stared at you for a moment, bursting out laughing after a while and earning some stares. "My voice? Even hearing me, you weren't aware?" You shook your head and shrugged.
"I just thought you had a naturally deep voice." Oh you were making her feel so much better, even if you didn't know it. She couldn't stop laughing, grabbing onto your shoulder as a touch of affection. It made you smile and laugh with her, your own hand touching hers to reciprocate.
The two of you had deeper talks over time until the next game. She told you what you guessed she told the others, about her plan on what to do with the money, how she had others distance themselves from her when she told them she felt like a woman. It made you feel bad, but you were happy she was telling you this because it felt like you had known each other for so long.
You wished it lasted longer
—
"Six." The moment it was spoke, you had been pulled by hyun ju. It was a habit she was making, always grabbing you the moment the she heard the number. But this time, she made a mistake. She realized last minute young-mi was too behind.
She panicked, no one else seemed to have room and it was a moment of time before she absolutely had to close the door.
Hyun ju's grip stayed on you, it seemed to get tighter the more stressed she got. Young mi was just a kid, she deserved to live on.
"10, 9, 8,"
You only had so much time to decide. You yanked yourself from hyun ju's grip, and she instantly gave you a look as if you were stupid. "What are you doing?" She wanted to save you both, but you knew that wasn't possible.
You didn't speak, only letting your lips touch hers quickly, yet you stayed as long as you could. Even in death you would always remember her lips, they trembled against yours, confused, yet wanting and needing more. You let yourself run out, pushing the girl inside. "1."
It was done, and there was nothing that could be done. You heard the yell of her voice, panicking and shaking the door trying to get it to open. "No, no, unlock the door! God damn it!"
"I love you." She stopped, looking at you in your eyes. You were scared too, crying even. You didn't want to die, and she knew it. She was so deeply in love with someone she only knew for a few hours, but it felt like years. She needed you, she wanted you to live. Get to know you better when this was all over, maybe even go further if it could!
She couldn't even say it back while you were conscious. The life left your eyes, and your body fell. "No.." she was in disbelief. No, you weren't dead.
"Please, please, I love you too.." She couldn't be upset at anyone, she couldn't even stand on her own two feet.
"Unnie." Arms wrapped around her, "Come on..you have to get up..the next round." She didn't want to play anymore, she didn't feel like she could. If only it was her, she could have at least had hope for you and young-mi.
Damn it
#hyun ju x reader#hyun ju#120 squid games#120#hyun ju x male reader#male reader#squid game#squid games 2#squid games x reader#squid games#squid games x male reader#squid game x reader#squid game x you#squid game x y/n#squid game x male reader
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RIDE OR DIE
Parings: The salesman x Fem!oc
Summary: Two fierce recruiters, locked in a heated rivalry over who can secure the most players, strike an unusual deal: whoever wins the next recruit gets to drag the other out to dinner. But when tempers flare and egos clash, their “game” turns into a battle of wits, slaps, and simmering tension. What starts as a simple challenge spirals into something far more unpredictable—because in their world, nothing ever goes as planned.
Warnings: slow burn, language, violence, dom!salesman x baddie oc, teasing, work rivals, kissing, fingering sex, mentions of blood, slapping, maybe something else that I don’t remember.
Wc: 5.4k
A/n: this is my first post and idk how do you use tumblr and I can’t even add warnings cuz idk what should I warn about but I hope y’all can enjoy wtv the hell I wrote, English isn’t my first language so no attacking. Not proofread. This is so bad ik.
The dimly lit café hummed with quiet chatter, the occasional clatter of cups breaking the tension in the air. She adjusted her sunglasses, a sly smirk tugging at the corner of her lips as she leaned forward, her fingers tapping softly against the edge of the table. The man seated across from her was sweating through his cheap dress shirt, his eyes darting nervously to the plain white envelope she'd slid toward him just moments ago.
"Inside that envelope," she began, her voice calm but charged with intent, "is the answer to all your problems. Every overdue bill, every phone call you're dodging, every sleepless night. All gone."
He hesitated, staring at the envelope like it might bite him. "I don't know... I mean, this doesn't sound—"
"—legal?" she finished for him, leaning back casually. She tilted her head, the smirk widening. "You'd be right. It's not. But when has that ever stopped you before?"
His mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water. Bingo, she thought, watching him flounder. That reaction told her everything she needed to know.
"Think about it," she pressed, her voice dropping an octave, almost a whisper. "A few games. A few hours. And then you walk away with enough money to start fresh. No more debt. No more hiding."
He reached for the envelope, his hand trembling. But just as his fingertips brushed the edge of it—
A familiar voice cut through the air. "Amateur move, don't you think?"
Her eyes narrowed behind her sunglasses. She didn't need to turn around to know who it was. Only one person could manage to sound both smug and bored in the same sentence.
"Go away," she said flatly, her tone ice-cold.
But of course, he didn't.
"I mean, honestly," the salesman continued, sliding into the booth beside the man like he owned the place. "Laying it all out like that? Where's the finesse? The mystery? The intrigue?"
She finally turned her head, pushing her sunglasses down just enough to meet his eyes. "Do you ever get tired of hearing yourself talk?"
"Not when I'm right," he replied, flashing her that infuriatingly cocky smile.
She leaned forward, resting her chin on her hand, and gave him a sweet, fake smile in return. "Right about what? Annoying the hell out of me? Congratulations, you've mastered the art."
The man between them shifted uncomfortably, his eyes darting from her to the salesman and back again. "Uh, I should probably—"
"You're not going anywhere," she said sharply, cutting him off. She reached for the envelope and slid it back toward the man with deliberate slowness, her gaze never leaving the salesman. "You want to talk about finesse? Fine. Let's talk about your pitch. What is it this time? Another mysterious slap game in the subway? Real creative."
He laughed, the sound low and easy, and leaned back in the booth. "What can I say? It works."
"Until it doesn't," she shot back.
"Why don't we let him decide?" he countered, gesturing to the man, who looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him whole.
She turned her attention back to her target, her expression softening. "You want to trust him? Go ahead. But let me ask you this: When he disappears into thin air after taking his cut, who's going to be there to clean up the mess? Not him."
The salesman's grin faltered, just for a second, but it was enough to make her smirk.
"Fine," he said, standing abruptly and brushing imaginary lint off his suit jacket. "He's all yours. Let's see if your little sob story gets him to bite."
"Gladly," she replied, leaning back with a victorious gleam in her eyes.
But as he turned to leave, he leaned in close, just enough for his breath to brush against her ear. "Next time, sweetheart, try not to play so dirty. It's almost cute how hard you're trying to beat me."
She didn't flinch, didn't react, even as her grip tightened on the edge of the table. He chuckled softly and walked away, leaving her with the trembling man and the lingering scent of his cologne.
"You should take the deal," she said finally, sliding the envelope across the table one last time. "Before someone else comes along and makes it worse for you."
This time, he took it without hesitation.
As she left the café, she spotted the salesman leaning casually against a lamppost outside, twirling a coin between his fingers.
"You owe me," she called out, not breaking stride.
"For what?"
"For not strangling you in there."
His laugh followed her down the street, a sound that stuck in her head longer than she cared to admit.
Next day
She pushed the door to the briefing room open with a little more force than necessary, her heels clicking sharply against the tiled floor. He was already there, of course, leaning back in one of the chairs, his feet propped up on the table like he owned the place. The sight made her want to turn around and walk right back out.
The office reeked of stale coffee and carried the faint metallic tang of the envelopes they used to seal people's fates. Spotting their shared desk, she sauntered over and dropped into her chair, leaning back with a casual air. Her red-tipped nails drummed a steady rhythm against the table, a small but deliberate sound to break the silence.
"So," she started, her voice smooth but sharp enough to cut, "how many desperate souls did you con into signing today?"
"You're late," he drawled, not even bothering to glance up from the notepad he was scribbling on, "I've already got a head start."
She ignored him, tossing her clipboard onto the table with a loud thwack. "Four recruits," she announced, while sitting in the chair across from him.
That got his attention. He arched an eyebrow, finally glancing up. "Four? That's cute."
Her lips twitched, but she kept her expression neutral. "Better than your three."
The smug grin he'd been wearing all evening faltered for a split second, and the sight was immensely satisfying. He quickly recovered, sitting up straighter and folding his arms over his chest. "Who says I only got three?"
"I saw you at the station earlier," she shot back. "Your guy ran off before you could even give him the envelope."
"Ah, but that's where you're wrong," he said, leaning forward with a conspiratorial glint in his eye. "He came back. Took the bait. Easy money."
She narrowed her eyes, trying to gauge whether he was bluffing. With him, it was impossible to tell. He could sell a lie as easily as breathing, and she hated how good he was at it.
"Let's see the proof, then," she said, gesturing to his notepad.
He hesitated, just long enough for her to pounce.
"Liar," she said smugly, leaning back in her chair.
"Fine," he admitted, tossing the notepad onto the table. "Three. But mine were quality recruits. You're probably scraping the bottom of the barrel as usual."
She bristled at that, her fingers curling into fists under the table. "Quality? The last guy you brought in was a drunk who passed out halfway through the first game."
"And he still made it further than your little college dropout," he countered.
"That dropout lasted three games," she snapped. "And he made us more money than any of your recruits ever have."
"Us?" He laughed, the sound low and mocking. "Sweetheart, there is no 'us.' This is a solo game, remember? And right now, you're losing."
The word sweetheart grated against her nerves, but she forced herself to stay calm. She wasn't about to let him see how much he was getting under her skin.
"Keep telling yourself that," she said coolly, pulling out a pen and jotting down the day's numbers on her clipboard. "Meanwhile, I'll be over here actually doing my job."
He watched her for a moment, his expression unreadable. Then, without warning, he reached across the table and snatched the clipboard out of her hands.
"Hey!" she protested, but he held it just out of her reach, flipping through the pages with a smug grin.
"Let's see... Ah, there it is," he said, tapping the page with the end of her pen. "Four names. Not bad. But you forgot to include the part where they all looked ready to bolt the second you left."
She lunged for the clipboard, but he pulled it back again, chuckling under his breath. "Careful now," he teased. "Wouldn't want to make a scene, would we?"
She glared at him, her jaw tightening. "Give it back."
"Say please."
"Go to hell."
He laughed again, but this time, he relented, sliding the clipboard across the table. She snatched it up, smoothing the crumpled pages with deliberate care.
"You're insufferable, you know that?" she muttered, not bothering to look at him.
"And yet, you keep coming back," he replied, leaning back in his chair with a satisfied smirk.
She bit back the retort that was on the tip of her tongue, refusing to give him the satisfaction of seeing her lose her composure. Instead, she focused on her clipboard, pretending he didn't exist.
The silence stretched between them, heavy with unspoken words. Finally, he broke it.
"You know, you're lucky you have me as competition."
She raised an eyebrow. "Oh? And why's that?"
"Because I keep you on your toes," he said, leaning back in his chair and lacing his fingers behind his head. "Admit it. If it weren't for me, this job would be boring as hell."
"Boring?" she repeated, her tone icy. "You think ruining people's lives is boring?"
"Don't get all self-righteous on me," he said, his voice low and teasing. "We both know you enjoy the thrill just as much as I do."
She opened her mouth to argue, but the words caught in her throat. He wasn't wrong, and they both knew it.
"Speaking of thrill," he continued, his eyes gleaming with mischief, "how about a little wager?"
She narrowed her eyes. "What kind of wager?"
He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table. "Next recruit wins."
"Wins what?" she asked warily.
He shrugged, a playful grin spreading across his face. "Bragging rights. And dinner."
She snorted. "You think I'd let you take me to dinner?"
"Who said I'd be taking you?" he shot back, his grin widening. "You'd be taking me."
The audacity of it made her laugh, a sharp, bitter sound that echoed through the sterile room.
"Fine," she said, standing up and smoothing her pencil skirt. "But don't cry when you lose."
"Don't worry about me, sweetheart," he said, rising to his feet and adjusting his tie. "Worry about yourself."
With that, she grabbed her clipboard and swept out of the room, her heels clicking sharply against the tiled floor.
Later That Night
The neon lights of the city cast a harsh glow on the bustling streets, illuminating the restless hum of nightlife. Cars honked in the distance, their headlights cutting through the mist rising from sewer grates. She stood near the entrance of a seedy-looking diner, a faint flicker of its neon sign sputtering above her. The air smelled of fried food and rain-soaked pavement, but she didn't notice. Her sharp eyes scanned the crowd like a predator hunting for its next meal.
She didn't need long to spot potential. It was always the same—the defeated ones, with slumped shoulders and darting eyes. They carried their desperation in their posture, wearing it like a beacon.
Her instincts honed in on a middle-aged man in a rumpled suit leaning against a lamppost. He clutched a briefcase to his chest like it was his last lifeline, his lips moving silently, perhaps rehearsing excuses or trying to summon courage to return home empty-handed.
Perfect.
Before she could move, a faint ripple of awareness prickled at the back of her neck. She didn't need to turn around to know who it was.
"Stalking me now?" she asked, her tone sharp but low enough to remain unnoticed.
"Just observing," came his smooth reply, closer than she expected. "Wouldn't want you accusing me of cheating."
Her lips twitched, almost betraying a smile, but she held it back. "You can't cheat at something you're already losing."
"Keep telling yourself that," he said, and she could feel the smirk in his voice without even glancing back.
She pushed his presence to the back of her mind, focusing instead on her target. With a subtle breath, she strode forward, heels clicking against the pavement, the sound cutting through the ambient noise of the street. She approached the man with the kind of confidence that disarmed even the wariest prey.
"Rough night?" she asked, her voice soft and sympathetic, like the purr of a cat just before it strikes.
The man flinched slightly, his tired eyes meeting hers with a flicker of suspicion. "Something like that," he muttered, his voice hoarse and uncertain.
She tilted her head, her expression warm but unreadable. "Well," she said, slipping an envelope from her jacket pocket and holding it out to him, "what if I told you there's a way to turn your luck around?"
The man hesitated, his eyes flicking between her face and the envelope as if weighing the risks. Behind her, she felt his presence again, closer this time. The faintest shuffle of shoes on asphalt told her he was watching, and she resisted the urge to smirk. This one was as good as hers.
Just as the man reached out to take the envelope, a hand shot over her shoulder and plucked it from her grasp.
"Now, now," he said, stepping into view with that maddeningly smug grin, twirling the envelope between his fingers like a magician showing off a trick. "Let's not rush things."
Her jaw tightened, the air around her practically crackling with tension. "What the hell are you doing?" she hissed, her voice low and sharp.
"Just helping out," he replied, unfazed by her glare. With a deliberate slowness, he handed the envelope back to her, throwing in a playful wink that made her blood boil.
The man, caught in the crossfire, glanced between them, his confusion turning into hesitation. "Uh... Is this some kind of scam?"
"Not at all," he said quickly, his tone dripping with practiced reassurance. His smile widened, radiating a charm that seemed almost genuine. "We're just offering a little game. High stakes, high rewards. Interested?"
The man hesitated, his grip on the briefcase tightening. "What kind of game?"
"It's simple," he said, crouching and slamming the folded paper onto the pavement with a sharp snap. "You use your own tile and try to flip mine. If you win, you keep the envelope and some extra cash." He pulled a wad of bills from his pocket, fanning them out enticingly.
"And if I lose?"
He smirked, the gesture sharp and taunting. "Then I get to slap you. Fair trade, don't you think?"
The man recoiled, his skepticism deepening. "What kind of twisted game is this?"
"Just a little fun," the salesman said, his tone light but unyielding. "Besides, no one plays if they think they're going to lose. Are you scared you'll lose?"
She suppressed a groan. He always did this—pushing just hard enough to make them take the bait.
"Or, you take the envelope and walk away, no games required." She suggested.
Her rival's chuckle was low, almost teasing. "Where's the fun in that? And where's the money he so desperately needs, Let him decide."
The man glanced at the envelope, then at the money, and finally at the salesman's smirk. "Fine. I'll play."
Her rival's grin widened. "Excellent.", gesturing toward a nearby alleyway. "Let's make this quick."
She followed them into the dimly lit alley, her annoyance simmering just beneath the surface. He always turned everything into a game, always needed to prove he was one step ahead
He handed the man a folded paper tile, stepping back and gesturing for him to begin. The man crouched, his hand trembling slightly as he slapped his tile against the one on the ground. It barely budged.
"Not bad," the salesman said, picking up the tile. "But let me show you how it's done."
He crouched, his movements fluid and confident. With a sharp snap, his tile slammed down, flipping the man's effortlessly.
Without missing a beat, he straightened and grinned. "Looks like I win this round." He raised his hand, his smirk deepening.
The man flinched, bracing himself, but the salesman stopped short, hovering just close enough to make him sweat. Before delivering a slap that echoed through the alleyway like a gunshot. The man staggered back, holding his cheek with a mix of shock and indignation.
"Oh my—" she whispered, flinching
The salesman, unfazed and borderline proud, grinned down at the man. "another round?."
The man blinked, rubbing his face. "don't you think this was abit painful?"
"Wasn't this our deal?"
"Alright, I'll go again," the man exclaimed, determination etched on his face. He grabbed the colored tile with trembling fingers and slammed it down with force.
The tile on the ground barely budged.
Slap.
Slap.
Slap.
Minutes passed, and the man refused to give up, his voice hoarse as he repeatedly asked for another round. His face, now blotched with red and purpling bruises, told the story of his futile persistence.
Growing impatient with the drawn-out game and the waste of her time, she decided to intervene. Not only had her rival stolen her recruit, but he was also dragging this nonsense far longer than necessary.
"I'll go easy on you this time," she heard him say, his voice laced with mock compassion.
"Or," she interjected sharply, pulling a thick stack of cash from her pocket, "you let me take over and raise the stakes."
Her rival's brows lifted, amusement lighting up his face. "Feeling brave, are we?"
"I just like winning," she retorted, her tone clipped as she handed the cash and envelope to the bruised man. "I don't think you have a reason to continue this."
The man hesitated for only a moment before greed overtook him. He snatched the envelope and money from her outstretched hand, shoving them hastily into his pocket. "Thanks," he muttered, practically sprinting into the crowd and out of sight.
She turned, her eyes narrowing as they locked onto her rival. "Happy now? You scared him off."
He smirked, stepping closer, his movements deliberate and calculated. "Scared him? I think I made his night."
"Your ego is insufferable," she said, arms crossing over her chest.
"Is it?" he countered, his hand brushing a stray strand of hair from her face with a maddeningly light touch. "Or is it just that you don't like losing?"
Her pulse quickened at the proximity, but she refused to show any sign of weakness. "I didn't lose. He took my deal."
His smirk deepened, his expression dripping with arrogance. "If that helps you sleep at night."
Before she could reply, he leaned in, his voice dropping to a low, velvety murmur. "The game's not over yet. Want to take his place?"
Her breath caught as his fingers grazed hers, sliding the blue tile into her palm before he pulled away. The motion was deliberate, calculated to unnerve her, but she refused to let him win that easily.
She exhaled sharply, tilting her chin upward as she crouched down. Focusing on the game, she slapped her tile against the ground with all the force she could muster.
The crack echoed through the narrow alley, but the result was disappointing—the tile barely shifted.
"Tough break," he quipped, crouching beside her, his voice a teasing whisper. "Maybe you should let me teach you a thing or two."
Her eyes snapped to his, sharp and unwavering. For a moment, the tension between them was palpable, an electric crackle in the chilly air.
"I don't need your lessons," she bit out, rising to her feet and brushing past him, her jaw tight.
"Alright then," he said with infuriating ease. He crouched effortlessly, his movements smooth as silk. With a single, sharp slap, his tile flipped hers with almost mocking precision.
Standing, he turned toward her, a mock pout curving his lips. "I guess I'll have to slap that pretty face of yours now. May I?" he asked, his voice dripping with a false politeness that made her blood boil.
Her jaw tightened, and she nodded stiffly. Before she could brace herself, his hand connected sharply with her cheek. The slap rang out in the alleyway like a firecracker, her head snapping to the side with the force.
Pain bloomed hot and fast, her body recoiling slightly as she stumbled a step back. She could already feel the beginnings of a bruise forming, the sting radiating from her skin.
Her chest rose and fell as she steadied herself. "Again," she demanded, her voice steely.
This time, she took her turn, and with a fierce slap of her tile, she flipped his. A slow, triumphant grin spread across her face.
"Your turn," she said smoothly, stepping closer.
His smug grin never wavered, even as he leaned in for his next move. The sharp crack of his tile meeting her tile.
he missed.
His tile flipped awkwardly, tumbling off-course and skidding out of bounds. A flash of annoyance crossed his face, but before he could recover, her palm came down with brutal precision. The slap echoed louder this time.
He staggered slightly, his face turning away as her hand left a bright, stinging imprint on his cheekbone. The smirk she wore grew darker, more dangerous. "Losing your touch?" she taunted, her voice mocking.
His jaw tensed, but he said nothing, merely resetting the tiles and motioning for the game to continue.
The game continued, the back-and-forth intensified, each slap a resounding echo through the narrow alleyway. The tension between them crackled like static electricity, thickening with every calculated strike. Her cheek throbbed, the sting from his earlier slap blooming into a vivid bruise, while his jawline reddened with the marks of her retaliation.
Then she missed.
Her tile spun wildly off-course, landing far from where it needed to be. The mistake was glaring, and he seized the moment without hesitation. His hand came down with brutal force, striking her cheek hard enough that the metallic taste of blood filled her mouth.
The impact sent her staggering, and this time, a trickle of blood began to run from her nose. She stood frozen for a moment, her fingers brushing against her upper lip. Crimson streaks stained her pale skin, a sharp contrast that only seemed to embolden her defiance.
She tilted her head back slightly, wiping the blood with the back of her hand, smearing it rather than cleaning it. When she looked back at him, her smirk was intact, as sharp as ever.
"What's the matter?" she teased, her voice biting despite the blood. "that's all what you've got?"
For the first time, his confidence faltered. His hand, raised for the next strike, but then froze mid-air. Her face painted with blood hit harder than any slap, and the hesitation in his expression was palpable.
Before she could press further, he stepped forward abruptly, closing the distance between them in one smooth, deliberate motion. His hand dropped from the air to grip her arm firmly, and he pushed her back against the cold brick wall.
The impact stole the air from her lungs, the rough texture of the wall biting into her back. Yet her smirk didn't waver. If anything, it grew sharper, her chin tilting upward as if daring him to try harder. His arms came up, caging her in, palms pressed against the wall on either side of her head. Her breath hitched at his closeness, but she refused to let him see her flinch.
His eyes flicked to her nose, catching the blood still trickling down. Slowly, with deliberate precision, he raised his hand.
She braced herself for another strike, but instead, his thumb brushed against her face. The unexpected gentleness of the motion sent a shiver down her spine, though she masked it well. His thumb wiped away the blood, his touch lingering a second longer than necessary.
He pulled his hand back, glancing at the crimson streak now staining his thumb. Without breaking eye contact, he reached down and wiped it clean on her shirt, the motion casual but calculated.
"Better?" he asked, his tone mocking, his eyes gleaming with satisfaction.
Her smirk dissolved into a sharp scowl, her voice snapping as she opened her mouth. "You—"
He cut her off without a word, his lips crashing against hers in a fiery, passionate kiss. The world around them faded as his hand ditched the wall completely, roaming over her body, pulling her impossibly closer.
For a moment, she pulled back, eyes wide with shock, breathless and taken aback as if the kiss had surged through her like electricity, igniting every nerve ending. What had just happened? How had everything shifted in the blink of an eye? But before she could fully process the intensity of her feelings, his grip tightened on her hips, anchoring her in place, and the heat radiating from him was undeniable, wrapping around her like a warm blanket.
Her heart raced, a wild flutter in her chest that felt like it could lift her off the ground. There was something magnetic in the way he looked at her, a primal pull she could no longer resist. The air was thick with tension, charged with unspoken promises, and just when she thought she might pull away entirely, the fire in his gaze ignited something deep within her.
With a soft sigh of surrender, she leaned back into him, allowing herself to melt against his body. He cupped her face, his thumb brushing along her cheek, as if memorizing the delicate curve of her features. And then his lips crashed into hers again, hungry and demanding, hungry as though he had been waiting for this moment forever. This time, he tilted his head to deepen the kiss, his tongue slipping past her lips to dance with hers in a slow, teasing rhythm that sent shivers down her spine.
She gasped at the sheer sensation, heat pooling in her core as every ounce of tension from earlier evaporated in an instant. The taste of him was intoxicating—warm, slightly sweet, and utterly captivating. Her hands found their way to the nape of his neck, fingers tangling in his hair, pulling him closer, urging him for more.
He pulled her closer still, his hands roaming over the small of her back, mapping every curve as if he were trying to memorize her with his touch, urging her to lift her legs around his waist. Instinctively, she obliged, feeling the strength of his body as he lifted her effortlessly. she wrapped her legs around his waist, instinctively urging him to lift her higher, to take her deeper into his embrace, their bodies fitting together perfectly—two pieces of a puzzle that had finally found their match.
The world around them vanished, a blurred backdrop to this moment where only they existed. He breaks the kiss, his lips trailing kisses down her jaw, throughout until he meets her neck, pausing to nibble at the sensitive skin just below her ear, igniting fire in her veins with each flick of his tongue and gentle bite. She could feel the tension in his body, the way he held her tightly as if he feared she might slip away. His hands gripped her hips, pulling her impossibly closer, their bodies pressed together in a way that felt electric.
When his lips began to trail again over her delicate skin, she hissed, "You can't leave more marks; they'll know."
He paused, pulling back just enough to meet her gaze, a teasing light in his eyes. "How would they know it's me?" he murmured against her skin.
"The cameras," she whispered, referring to the implanted devices on both their jackets that monitored their work. But just as the words left her lips, she felt his mouth curl into a smirk against her neck.
"Then we might as well give them a show and leave as many marks as I want." He falls back into her skin, his lips teasing the flesh between his teeth as he moves to mark her as his own. His lips pause at one of the pulse points on her neck, noticing how her heartbeat quickens and flutters. Was this typical?
He wasn't sure, but he finds himself praying it's a good thing. A chuckle escapes him as her hands grow desperate, pulling at the back of his head, stifling a groan. "Easy, girl."
"Remember when you said you'd never kiss me? That I wasn't worth it?" she teases, a playful smile flickering on her lips.
"Fuck, did I really say that? I don't recall," he replies, feigning shock.
"Just saying that because you can't make me come," she laughs softly against him, and he can't help the way a small smile curves his lips. His fingers slip underneath her skirt, pushing past the hem of her panties. He finds her wetness already coating his fingers. "Can't make you come yet you're so wet for me, hm?"
She bites her lip, allowing her hips to sway against his fingers as pleasure envelops her thoughts. Though he's unsure of what exactly to do, he has overheard other men discussing this, and he hopes it delivers as much pleasure as they say when he dips a finger inside her. She's loose around him, wet, eagerly sucking him in. He quickly adds another finger, finding his rhythm almost immediately and growing bold. He dares to let his thumb tease the edges of her clit.
He notices the way her nails dig into his shoulders, biting her tongue so hard that crimson might seep forth at any moment.
The salesman had kissed many women, been on the brink of sex, yet none had reacted the way she did. They were quick to show their responses, every emotion not hidden behind a curtain of embarrassment; yet now, despite the situation, she found herself shy about making noise. He allows another finger to push inside her, the pink velvet of her insides gripping him. He hears her gasp when his fingers threaten to curl, and he allows himself another smile. His thumb finds her clit again, and that's when her grip becomes lethal, biting her lip no longer serving as a guard for her moans.
"Please," she mumbles, whimpering.
"Please what, sweetheart?"
"I... I need you," she moans, surprising herself with her confessions to a man so dangerously psychotic, one who has killed and toyed with lives—this was something she swore she would never do. Yet here she was, becoming intimate with him, and his touch felt so gentle it was as if his past didn't exist. She can see the vein pulsing in his neck as he finally pulls his fingers out, his eyes fixed on hers as he moves his hand to his mouth, savoring her taste.
Her pupils dilate at the sight, skin warming before she realizes she's replacing his fingers with her tongue, pressing her mouth against his again. His hand falls to her waist.
Now every kiss deepens, an intoxicating blend of urgency and desire. She feels each heartbeat echoing between them. Every brush of their lips sends sparks racing through her veins, igniting every part of her being. It's primal and raw, yet intimately tender, as if they were revealing hidden parts of themselves that only the other could see.
Their lips finally part after what feels like an eternity, both gasping for breath. Foreheads resting against each other, they feel the warmth radiating from their skin, their hearts racing in unison. His eyes flutter open to find her looking up at him, a soft, teasing smile spreading across her face.
"You can put me down now," she breathes, her eyes dancing with mischief.
He reluctantly lowers her to the ground, still holding her gaze, trying to steady himself.
But as soon as her feet touch the ground, she kneels right at his crotch. "That's for not giving me a warning," she laughs, her sound teasing and light.
He winces, a mixture of surprise and discomfort crossing his features as he stumbles back. "Fuck."
She turns with a gleaming smile, beginning to walk away, glancing over her shoulder. "And now... I win. Dinner is on you," she calls back, her laughter lingering in the air.
"We are not done yet!" he calls out one last time, holding himself in pain.
part 2
#squid game#squid game x reader#squid game fanfic#squid game salesman#squid game smut#the salesman#the salesman x reader#salesman smut#gong yoo x reader#first post#be nice#i’ll cry
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Idea | Previous Part
tw: future dom-sub relationship, sexually explicit content, pet names, age gap (early twenties - late thirties)
The moment your eyes connected, you felt the typical blush rise onto your cheeks. The blush that always seemed to come when Mister Riley was nearby. He smiled down at you, the lower half of his face hidden behind a surgical mask, as always, but the crinkle around his eyes betrayed him.
With a quiet mumble of your name and a hand on your lower back, he ushered you forward, until you stood at the other end of the counter, where you had to wait for your drink. Meanwhile, his hand didn’t move, only pulling you against him whenever other people got too close. You tried to tell yourself that this, his behavior, his…almost possessiveness, meant nothing. He was just being nice and polite as always. Just keeping you safe, even if there was no threat nearby.
When you finally received your drink, Mister Riley led you back to your table - you didn’t question how he knew where you were sitting. “How are you doing, love?” Mister Riley got comfortable, taking off his black wool coat and hanging it over the back of the chair next to his, before resting his elbows on the table and leaning forward. You on the other hand shifted nervously. All the hope that your little crush had faded in the last few years was gone.
The way he was looking at you sent your heart into a frenzy, beating as if you were running a marathon, when you were just sitting across from him in a cafe. Not even four years of not seeing him could stop the effect he had on you.
When he suddenly raised an eyebrow, you realized you never answered his question. “Oh, uhm…I’m good. A bit stressed, but that’s it.” You tried to smile but weren’t sure if it reached your eyes. By the look he gave you, you could tell that it didn’t. “What about you, sir?” He chuckled, the low sound reverberating in your heart. “How many times do I have to tell you to just call me Simon, huh?” Your face flushed again and you wished you could see his grin through his mask. A stammered answer fell from your lips, but he interrupted you, the joyful expression replaced by a frown.
“What’s stressing you, little one?” The look in his eyes was intense, as if he was ready to kill whatever dared to stress you and the nickname didn’t help the butterflies in your stomach. This means nothing. He’s not interested, goddamnit! Your eyes found a weird carved-in spot on the table in front of you. It was suddenly very interesting. “Oh, you know…just college.” You dared to glance up, just to see his frown deepen, clearly not believing a word you were saying. Suddenly, that one weird, carved spot on the table became incredibly interesting. As you were lightly tracing it with the tip of your right index finger, he reached across the table and gently tilted your head to look up at him. “What’s really going on?” A heavy sigh left your lips before everything just spilled out of you.
How your father just disappeared and stopped sending you the money you needed for the apartment and everything else. How you had to move into the worst part of town ever and how you’ve been looking for a job ever since. You tried to hide just how desperate you were, he didn’t have to know that you had a fantastic ten pounds left in your account right now. And you had already tapped into your savings. Sadly you needed your father’s permission to tap into the fund he had sat up for you.
Mister Ril- Simon listened quietly, concern evident on his face as you jumped from one issue to the next. And when you were done, he pulled out his wallet. Your eyes widened immediately and you started to shake your head as he held out what looked like a credit card. “No, no. Mister Riley, no, I can’t accept that, I-”, before you could continue your protests, his fingers closed around your chin again and held your mouth shut. “You’re going to be a good girl, take this card and say thank you, okay? And call me Simon.”
Heat immediately rushed to your core, the gravely tone doing something to you, as you swallowed the lump that formed in your throat. With the tight grip on you, you couldn’t move your head too much, but it was just enough for a slight nod. A grin formed under that mask again and he let go, pulling his hand back, but not without letting his fingers linger slightly. “Good girl.”
You swallowed again, noticing how his eyes immediately jumped to your throat. In the moment you weren’t sure if you imagined them turning darker for just a moment before he looked back into your eyes. The two of you held the eye contact for a few moments, before you broke it, once again looking down at that one spot. He cleared his throat, the awkwardness in the air disappearing when he started talking again.
“I want you to use that card for whatever you need, okay? You’re in college, I want you to concentrate on your studies, you hear me? And if you need more, just say the word.” You nodded again, already knowing that you’d continue with your job hunt as soon as he left. And that you would definitely not be using that card for, like, anything. As much as you appreciated him wanting to help, you knew that you could do it on your own.
“Also, about that apartment-” He was interrupted by the sound of heels clicking against the floor of the cafe. Both of you looked up as a gorgeous woman, similar age to his, walked up, smiling, and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Are you almost done, dear? We still have that meeting with-”, she glanced at you and quickly corrected herself. “-that meeting we have to get to.” Your eyes immediately focused on the sparkling ring on her finger. It was beautiful, even if a little too sparkly for you. Simon looked up at her and smiled. “Of course, dear. I’ll be right out. Tell Johnny to keep the engine on.” The woman nodded and smiled one more time at you before she left.
She seemed kind, but the jealousy that bubbled in your veins wanted you to hate her. From what you had just witnessed, you doubted you could. “I’m sorry, but she’s right, I have to go. Give me your phone.” Too stunned to do anything but comply, you unlocked it and handed it to him. He quickly put something - his number you assumed - and rung himself, before handing it back. He stood up and put on his coat, looking at you one more time. “Ring me if you ever need something, okay? And be a good girl and do as you’re told.” He leaned over, grasping your chin one last time and making you look at him. You weakly nodded, your mind still hung up on the gorgeous wife of his.
His eyes narrowed, but after a second of hesitation, he too nodded, before pressing a gentle kiss against your cheek, through his mask. “Be good.” And with those words, he pulled back, turned around, and left the cafe, while you just sat there, staring at the door he walked through and thinking to yourself ‘the fuck was that’.
Next Part
A/N: Really enjoyed writing this part. I hope you like it!
@alilstressyandlotdepressy @brickwall035 @trampondemand @inarabee @blinca @rileys3dworld @msjaeger @oreojenni @starlightmoon2020 @piconico17 @l1lpip @originalsoulcollector
#ghost#ghost x reader#simon ghost riley#ghost cod#ghost fanfiction#simon ghost riley x reader#simon ghost riley fanfiction#ghost simon riley#simon riley#simon riley x reader#simon ghost x reader#simon riley x you#cod#cod fanfiction#cod x reader#mafia!simon riley#mafia!simon riley x reader#mafia!141#pretty little burden
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☕💖 Can I Get Your Number? ☕💖 Jason Todd Week Special! Day 1: The Batmobile Tires
A/N: this unofficial mini-chapter is part of the event being run by @jasontoddweek2025 and can be enjoyed without reading the rest of the story.
Jason Todd x (f)Chubby!Reader
written with a female reader in mind, first person pov, no use of Y/N, let me know if I missed anything worth tagging!
warnings/labels: flashback scenes, reader's mom is there, Jason's death is mentioned
wc: 716
CIGYN? Chapter Selection
The Batmobile came to a sudden stop in a dark alley. In an instant, Batman was out of the car and halfway up the wall, leaving the Batmobile unguarded in one of the worst neighborhoods in Gotham. It didn't take long for a small boy to approach, eyes scanning the darkness for the Bat. Nothing moved in the shadows, and a cautious grin spread across his face.
He ran over, eyes lighting up with the possibilities. He tried the door, delighted to find it unlocked. No keys, and the Batman kept a tidy car, but there were a few granola bars and beef jerky sticks that quickly made their way into his pockets. Once he was sure there was nothing else inside, he began pulling the tires off.
This was the best score ever! Food for tonight, and grocery money for later! He would probably be able to eat for two weeks from this one night's work! He got the first tire off and was working on the second when a deep voice rang out from behind him.
“What do you think you're doing?”
He jumped, swinging the tire iron in his hands without a second thought. The Batman loomed over him, falling back a step to dodge his improvised attack. The boy ran without a second thought, clutching his pilfered snacks to his chest. He ran halfway to his shelter on the other side of Crime Alley before he realized he wasn't being followed. He hunkered down once he got home, and for the rest of the night every shadow seemed to be alive, every noise set his teeth on edge.
“What do you see?” Batman spoke low, observing the city below them.
Robin adjusted his mask, frowning a bit. Dick's old uniform still felt a bit too big on him, like something he'd snatched out of a lost and found. After a moment, he whispered; “five cars. Route eight bus … looks pretty full. Couple kids leaving the park. … Raccoon climbing out of the dumpster behind the pizza place … can we get pizza after?”
“Focus, Robin. What else do you see?”
“... That girl … she's upset.” He gestured to a girl walking up to the bus stop.
“... Too young to be out on her own at this time of night. … We'll keep an eye on her.”
Robin nodded, adjusting his footing. She wasn't really paying attention to the world around her. A quick way to get killed in Gotham. Robin watched her, barely paying attention to the lessons Batman was trying to teach him. He watched as the bus arrived and a woman got off, approaching the girl. He leaned forward to watch. They were too high to hear the conversation, but the girl seemed glad to see her. The pair walked off, and he leaned back.
“... Are you ready to continue your training, Robin?”
“Hm? … Oh, yeah! Yeah, I'm ready!” He grinned.
“Mom?” I frowned. Mom never watched TV before work, and there were tears in her eyes. She gestured for me to join her on the couch, pulling me into a tight hug.
The police chief was standing behind a podium, flanked by armed officers. Off to the side was a large man in a well tailored suit. “-is being regarded as an act of terrorism, and as such all Gotham schools are being shut down for the time being. Parents, please keep your children home until further notice.”
“What’s going on?” I frowned, turning toward my mom.
“... The Joker kidnapped one of Bruce Wayne's kids. … The younger one, … god he's … he was just about your age …” she sniffled, hugging me tighter.
“... Was? Mom, what happened?”
“... Apparently Robin tried to save him … they both died. … The Joker killed them.”
I blinked repeatedly, looking at the tv again. The police chief was yammering on about safety measures Gothamites should take in the coming days, but I barely heard it. For as long as I could remember Gotham had been protected by Batman and Robin. Some people said they were cryptids, like some kind of vengeful Mothman. Others thought they were the living embodiments of the spirit of justice, or the city. It had never, not once, occured to me that they were human…
Divider by: @saradika-graphics
Fanart in the header by: @crowkip
☕💖CIGYN?☕💖 Taglist (y'all are being tagged in this first day of Jason Todd Week, but if you'd like to be tagged in the rest of my posts for the event please let me know, otherwise I'll see you all again when we resume our regularly scheduled programming!):
@jawdropforkpop @krys0210 @snowy-violet @superthoughts @wordsfromshona @mystic60 @iwannabealocalcryptid @morstuavitamea-a @frosty--giants @arisa191 @prized-jules @phoenix666stuff @dinonuggysandhuggus @anuttellaa @whore-of-many-hot-men @cottage-worm @v1ckycheesue @roastyyytoastyyy @sarakmec @thestarcatcher7297 @stupidlyunhinged @mishkapi @mermaidgirl-11 @bunniboo0015 @bibibusinessman @iimichie
#fanfic#fanfiction#jason todd#dc fanfic#jason todd x reader#dc#red hood x reader#first person pov#wayne family adventures#no y/n#chubby reader#x reader#Can I Get Your Number? side stuff#jasontoddweek2025#reader insert#female reader#multichapter fic#batmobile tires#flashback scenes
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also i think this just perfectly highlights this sort of specific mentality we see so often when discussing blockades people face in life - but you see it most around discussions about disability.
"Well *I* can do it" and "Just get ___" are two common rhetorics that get lobbed at you all the time.
Like, for one thing we are not talking about individual cases here, but thousands to millions. That you can find a solution yourself does not automatically mean it's a solution for the millions we're talking about. If it was, there wouldn't be a problem to begin with.
And lets be honest, if you're making a meal with TEN servings for $15 or under, it is not going to be a fully nutritional meal. Basically the only meals that can be made at that price are going to be staple grains or beans and MAYBE if you are very lucky, a very small amount of very cheap and low-quality meat. Sure, that's fine occasionally - it isn't detrimentally unhealthy - but it isn't the kind of meal you should be eating every single day for every single meal. Not only does your body require more nutrients than that, but you'll very quickly find how much worse bad, bland food can make your depression and a shitty situation worse.
There was a time when you could make alllll sorts of meals for $15 or less. Pretty healthy meals too! Ones that could last you a few days, even. But that was at a time when cans of tuna were still like 30c and less, when canned veg was like 20c, when eggs were not even a whole dollar for a dozen. i'm very fortunate that where i live is like cattle paradise and thus we have incredibly low-cost beef compared to the rest of the country, but even still it's hard to find your basic chuck roast under $10 now. fucking chicken breasts are hard to find for under $10. CHICKEN!!
and, let us not forget that minimum wage has still not yet raised since 2009. yet our jobs have grown exponentially harder and more stressful, our hours longer, commute times worse, and our general health is in the shitter bc nobody can afford having just a routine primary care physician anymore.
Yet the mentality is still somehow stuck in this early 00s era. That lifestyle is not sustainable anymore. Hasn't been for a long time.
And as for "just get ___" okay, so tell me how? Is someone without an appliance to cook with meant to just starve themselves for a week to save in order to buy said appliance? yes, you would save money if you could get a thing to cook with, but in the meantime you still have to eat. and yet again that doesn't address any other blockade that there may well be. so maybe they get like, a toasteroven and a hot plate. awesome. now what good is that if they come in from a 10 hour shift at 9pm and have only enough time to shower before needing to get to bed for the next day's shift? how does having that appliance help them if they can't physically operate it? how would having a hot plate save any money if their dietary needs are far too costly from a grocer? If they have no place to store cold ingredients?
It isn't about individual issues. It isn't just ONE thing that has caused this big stupid problem. solve one thing and there's seven more problems still blocking the ultimate solution. It's a whole fucking mess of issues that continue to get worse and worse as capitalism continues to suck up more of our lives.
and you know what, i'll be the first one to admit that SOMETIMES, yes, i am just fucking lazy. But most times, I'm faced with like five different blockades and some of them aren't even shit I listed - like sharing a house with three people who work very different shifts and when *I* have time to use the kitchen, I run the risk of waking someone else up. Even if nothing else stood in my way, I only have the ability to cook without disturbing someone 1 day a week. i can only imagine what a nightmare it must be for folks with 4 and 5 housemates on different schedules.
there's been a bit of a Hot Topic going around bsky (and twt too i guess) about why my age group (particularly in the US) doesn't cook at home much anymore
and there's been a whole lot of takes ranging from dogshit to good and intelligent to total confusion from folks in other countries. neat stuff right. decided to throw my 2 cents in from my own perspective as part of the demographic.
the tldr of it being: there are *several* factors that make it not worth it nor cost efficient anymore where it once was. obviously that isn't gonna be the case for everyone, but it is the case for an overwhelming majority, me included. and this isn't even including, you know, a whole population of disabled people who are physically unable to cook for themselves but I sort of figured that was a given. but maybe not, considering...
then this absolute genius comes in
thank you buddy for having no reading comprehension and missing quite literally every single point i made that it isn't strictly about the dollar amount of the meal itself. like. okay??? good for you i guess.
sure, there will be some meals where that is very true. I could make a bigass pot of ham and beans that'll last me a whole week for about $10. hence why i added there will always be some meals cheaper to make at home. but that completely disregards every. other. point.
it is not, and has never been, about the direct cost of the meal itself. that's just one of a handful of reasons that factor into the whole conversation. there are going to be times that eating out will be more expensive price-wise, but when it checks off like 5 different boxes i couldn't fulfill myself for whatever reason, that price balances out. and we really are in an age where we're having to negotiate the worth of every action we take and every minute we spend on something. i don't know why thats such a hard concept for people to grasp.
legit nobody is arguing it *should* be this way. it shouldn't. we all recognize this. in the ideal world it would be both worth it and affordable to make every meal at home and leave eating out for special occasions, as was the case when i was growing up. and i totally get it that our parents, many of whom raised us by their lonesome, managed to do it fine so in theory we should be able to as well. sometimes, yeah, it really is a matter of sucking it up and doing it no matter how exhausted you might be. that's true for all facets of life tbh. but it shouldn't be that way all the time every time.
and, i don't know about the rest of you, but for us? it really was a whole fucking To Do to clip coupons and plan Shopping Day. I'd spend a couple hours clipping from a few different newspapers and the mail fliers we collected. then we organized them by store. then mom would plan out which stores we would go to for which items,the route we'd take since sometimes it meant going outside of town, the timeframe for everything since it was typically an all-day event. like, a whole day of planning and a whole day of executing JUST to grocery shop, and that was back in the 90s/00s. Inconvenient, yes, but still actually worth the trouble. couponing saved SO much money back then, especially if you knew the stores that would double them. coupons like those don't exist anymore. period. now the ones that do are like, pennies off or bogo deals and otherwise it's app this and app that for any sort of savings - which even then might only be like a meager 10% off the purchase. in no way is it worth my time and effort today to do the same thing we did when i was young.
anyway. so yeah. for a hell of a lot of us, sometimes going out to eat or ordering in is in fact the most worthwhile way, and sometimes even the most cost efficient way, to feed ourselves anymore.
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*gives null his favorite things in hopes of thinking about this*
What if, from all the stalking the Hantengu clones had done to their darling, their darling develops a lot of paranoia and doesn't let anyone near anymore?
Or maybe their darling has a lot of trauma from man going awful, unspeakable things to them?
((I don't know if I should refer to their darling as female or male and that's my first time ever asking a favorite creator of mine, please don't judge me))
((the Darling can be whatever you want them to be, but I'll always be as neutral as possible, so don't worry! 🐸💖))
Considering that these men are also horrible, it's not surprising at all to find yourself going insane! I wasn't sure whether not letting anyone close included the boys or not, so I did both!
[Cw! Yandere behavior, unhealthy dynamics, obsession, manipulation]
Your sudden shift was wonderful at first! They finally had you all to themselves, and it gave them so much more time to evenly spread your attention between themselves without getting into usual fights.
When finding out about your paranoia, they feed into it, affirming your fears about others just to have you rely on them further. Never stray too far, not like you can, but it's better to be safe than sorry.
Do you want to go out but you're too scared? Wait, right there, they need to decide who goes first to clear the way while the others stay close by!! that way no one will bother you!
Their favorite hobby is stealing—er—borrowing! so you don't even need to worry about something as silly as money or finance to get what you want again!! All you need to do is ask, and it's yours.
Their bias is prominent. Where hantengu would yelp and shout, they'd laugh and scold, but if you were to do the same, they'd comfort and coo. It's cute.. do you want them to get rid of something for you? Hold you? Comfort you?
Nothing really annoys them (aside from each other) now that you fully rely on them. Be as clingy and jumpy as you want, and they'll coddle you. Being spoiled rotten is the goal as long as you continue to cower at the sight of another soul or the thought of being alone.
They almost seem like decent lovers at some point, solely focusing on you and your needs. Jealousy is at an all time low now that they don't have to worry about anyone else. They even begin to hide their violent tendencies, too happy that you're with them to care.
It gets to the point where THEY had to be the ones to leave for important tasks lest they be.. "scolded" by a man you don't need to stress over.
It's devastating when they separate from you.. When they fight, their attacks are ruthless. Brutal. Bloody.. Even Urogi and Karaku are more productive because the image of their beloved all alone and trembling has their unbeating hearts aching.
Even with all this, they're still scummy rats who work together to make sure things go their way.
Sekido doesn't rile up your paranoia unless you insist on going somewhere alone. "Be careful, don't wander off. Yell and I'll go get you, who knows what's out there." He's content with your fears already. In fact, he's.. sweeter. He doesn't get as mad as he used to, only slightly irritated.
Seeking him out to protect you from something small gets the most blissed out expression from him momentarily. His hold is still as firm as ever, but he doesn't insult you as harshly. Quiet grumbles like "Such a baby.. what is it this time?" are frequent, yet he does whatever you want.
Karaku is NOT helping at all. Ever since he noticed you got jumpier, he thought it'd be fun to make you squirm, though he probably teases too much and makes you cry.. Pointing and gasping at nothing, making noises from other rooms, asking, "Did you hear that?" until you're visibly shaking from every little creak.
But it's okay. He opens his arms every time and pets your head, cooing at you, "D'aww, don't start the waterworks, c'mere. I'll knock it off, I was just playing..! Even if I wasn't, you really think I'd let something get you? Never!"
Urogi probably will give you terrifying heart attacks. Because you're so dependent on them now, he can't contain his love for you the second he sees you. One second, you're conversing with one of the boys, then the next a blur of feathers and glowing yellow eyes barrels towards you, toppling you to the floor.
He can hear your heart beating through your chest as he presses his ear against it. He loves the sound!! "Did I scare you again? Hahaha!! You know it's only me who does this to you!! Anybody else would be dead before they even made contact. I love how warm you are, the thump of your heart, the feel of your skin, everything about you makes me too happy!!"
Aizetsu is your worst enemy.. He needs a damn bell! Each step is too quiet, and he knows this. it's purposeful. You need to remember why you're paranoid in the first place, so he lurks around, letting you find him if he's feeling kind or giving you that feeling of being watched if he's not. He doesn't do it for long, preferring to be the one you hold instead of watching the others make an opportunity out of his methods.
When he lets you find him, he pouts, tilting his head as if you're the one who intruded on him. "Dont mind me, I'm making sure everywhere is safe. Did you need something..? Or did you feel how much i missed you? Oh, you're so nice to me.."
———
But then.. you began growing distant towards them.
They're not sure what happened. Honestly, they might take it as rejection at first and double down until they notice you're TERRIFIED. They pause and regroup, planning their next course of action.
They're not as aggressive, just confused and hurt. Attempts to be considerate come off very stiff, but they're trying. They can tell you're not faking it. The terror in your eyes is undeniable.
They do a 180 and fight often when alone, blaming others, then each other for being too much on you. Their muffled yelling and thumping from fighting are loud enough that you hear, though they try making it up to you later.
Even if they're extremely upset about it, they put their feelings aside for you. There's no use talking to someone who won't listen.
Their attitudes get a lot more cautious but desperate. They've dealt with Hantengu's jumpiness and constant crying before, but being the cause in your case makes this more complicated..
They attempt to give you your space, and insist you stay home. Don't like the home you have? They'll find you a new one, a better one, and promise not to get too close. Give them some time. After that, they get rid of any external factors that could be harmful to you.
Unsurprisingly, they can't help themselves and will try to approach and speak to you, even if behind a wall or at a distance. Probably set up a wall divider just so you don't feel as scared to speak to them.
They're desperate and want what they once had with you.. please don't shut them out. this wasn't how it was supposed to go.
Emotional reassurance isn't their strong suit (ironically). They never comfort anybody, not even Hantengu. Combat is their expertise! In their mind, fixing the problem outside will fix the problem inside ..At least, fingers crossed that they do.
It's because of those villains out there that you're so scared in the first place. What kind of disgusting shameless bastards assume they get the privilege to think of you, much less be near you?! The second they know what these "men's" faces look like, their insides will decorate the ground and-!
Ahem—
Let's just say they took a page from Akaza's book and treat men a little meaner than women. As in, making sure at least one bone of theirs is broken if they so much as breathe in your direction.
During the attempt at rehabilitation, they fall into roles according to how they handle you.
Sekido is your bodyguard that makes sure the others behave and you're taking care of yourself. His once long fuse shortened since he began blaming the others for your paranoia. He can't help but be protective. As much as he hates it, he won't focus on anything if he knows you're unwell. He doesn't say much aside from grunts and scoffs in hopes of not scaring you further.
Karaku tries to lighten the mood and fills the silence with stories about what he's seen throughout his life, excluding the violent and aggressive details. Maybe even random stories he's heard, just to try and get your mind off of whatever is troubling you. He doesn't speak directly to you but around you so that you'll probably overhear.
Urogi is the material comfort, bringing you gifts that the others check before they get left outside your room. The gifts aren't as ripped or scratched as they would usually be, but that's because he's trying extra hard to give you something that'll hopefully make you feel better! With his talons and excitement, Urogi doesn't see you as much anymore unless it's through the window when you're asleep.
Aizetsu is the one who frequently speaks to you. He loves gathering information about you and hearing you speak in general. It's a pity you speak less, and when you do, there's a slight tremble.. it's cute, but you sound so miserable.. His airy, soft voice and gentle attitude grow sweeter when announcing himself, "How are you feeling? it kills me to see you like this.. please, tell me what to do to make everything better.”
The eyes you feel get worse since they're overprotective of you. At least they're not as secretive about it! They're insistent and happy that you avoid other people all together, though it'd be much better if they were an exception!
#null rot#null gospel#cloaked cult member#yandere kny#yandere demon slayer#yandere kimetsu no yaiba#kny#demon slayer#kimetsu no yaiba#yandere hantengu#hantengu#hantengu clones#sekido#karaku#urogi#aizetsu#'favorite creator' im coughing out blood. th.an.k. yo.u..uuu...#so sorry this took so long!!#nods nods.. the power of being scared of everything surrounded by guard dogs... nods nods....... so good........#these guys are just scum bags who wanna spoil you so bad. its a very great dynamic#GODDD#KILL THEM NOW. MAYBE MITSURI WAS RIGHT#THEY GET SO SWEET SOMETIMES. BANGS HEAD AGAINST WALL. BUNCH OF BASTARDS..#not art
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i know that it's not specifically nefarious - that it's the greater evil of corporate capitalism - but something about mattel going in for the american girl x harry potter collab now feels really fucking gross to me. they've owned american girl for some time now and exercised rights to harry potter all over the place but now is the time they choose to mesh a brand built on diversity and history and education with a brand that is quickly gaining heat for being created by a woman spearheading a cultural genocide?
#rye.txt#again i know it's about the money and nothing else#but idk before mattel it was very very rare to see american girl collab w another brand#and the choices they've made since in terms of collaboration have been relatively harmless all told - mostly in the realm of 80s pop culture#for the courtney doll#the massive harry potter line tho? biggest brand collab they've ever done and all to put more money in the pockets#of the world's foremost terf
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CAT FORCED HERSELF TO STAY SILENT. to not just pick up the nearest item and chuck it at angel's head. the brunette wasn't exactly known for social grace, and the ability to be reassuring, encouraging, easing... any of that was far from her strengths. being met against angel's stubbornness wall was GRATING to the patience, but despite her frustrations, cat wasn't so foolish as to believe her desire for a physical retaliation would do any good. in fact, it could do the opposite; why would old friend want to trust someone who could turn violent in a heartbeat.
it wasn't personal, it was just difficult. learning how to deal with people didn't happen overnight, and now that she was in the position she was, cat was forced to keep hold of her tongue. to be g o o d, else the eyes of scrutiny would have her hauled off to jail for poor behavior. she toed the line more than she ought to, so the flexibility she had been given despite her probation was more than she really had earned. perhaps she took far too much advantage of it, and one day that would most likely be her downfall were she not careful.
so she gritted her teeth behind pressed lips, tension quivering her cheeks as she inhaled as slow as she could manage. reel in the heartbeat, reel in the thoughts. thoughts that bang bang banged about like a drum that some little kid had found. incessant, unrelenting. and terribly, terribly bad at playing to boot...
"doing great or doing better?" fire in her tone, fingers curling around her forearms as she crossed them before her. give her something to grip, to hold, to divert their intentions away from any other prospect.
perhaps, she recognized in that moment, was not she was angry with angel. not a n n o y e d. it was fear. hearing words aloud that spoke to her own heart, her own raging emotions. in a different way; a different life. scott's immediate and extended family were not about to run out of money any time soon, there would be no getting rid of her over anything in relation to finances.
but there were some burdens money couldn't alleviate. her personality was a shining example of battles people couldn't always arm themselves for. the world around her now couldn't quite grasp her most days. the former thief boiled too hot, spilled over, then turned frozen in an instant. was BOLD and brash one moment, then a defiant wall of refusal the next. refusing to talk, refusing to open up. a jarring creature when standing next to the ones that took her in. warmth and compassion and pleasantness were lacking. her only use was the media's frothing interest that something would go wrong soon... and maybe that wrong was her. they could all be sick of her at any moment and choose her to be gone or to be behind bars. it would only take a phone call most likely. no more, no less.
reminded that she still didn't feel human most days.
"i know wha' you mean," acceptance flood her voice to tiredness. "the idea of... any day y'wake up and everything you finally had is jus' gone. taken from you. left with nothing but the reminder tha' once again, you're shit."
her gaze went distant, hands shook mildly as she realized she had released her clenching, unfolding her body, and was looking for something to idle them. she probably should be helping back in the kitchen... "but yet here i am, i guess. y'know... maybe it was different for you but. something i've thought about recently. all those times i thought i was safe and FINE and home... other people had set it all up for me. given me the space, the opportunity, and ultimately really left me no choice. good or bad. it was their making. but this time... this time, it was my choice. sure, they gave me the opportunity... but i had t'be the one to take it. somehow, an' i don't know how to explain it... i think tha' means something."
And that was the million dollar question, wasn’t it?
"Maybe I don’t know their limit.”
The blonde paused to let her tongue moisten dry lips, picking her words carefully as she did so.
“But I don’t think they know it, either. They could have taken me in with all the best intentions in the world… but those intentions don’t mean a thing if it turns out they can’t manage a fifth child after all.”
Never mind that she was hardly a child, so close to crossing the boundary of adulthood in her own right… Angel was sure she had enough issues of her own that adopting another young kid, and all the struggles that entailed, would be an easy prospect for anyone compared to dealing with her day in, day out. Even Tenderfoot had hardly seen the full extent of her internal struggles, the old self-loathings - though those had thankfully been quiet in recent weeks without Buster to stir them up - and fears of abandonment that gnawed at her very heart at any chance they got. She wouldn’t be able to settle easily to a home life.
Even if she was taken in, Angel was sure that the road to her actually feeling accepted would be a longer one than any family would have the patience to tread.
She shook her head. “And when the expenses mount up, and they realise they can’t support everyone, who’s going to be the first to go? You can bet it won’t be the kids they’ve raised since birth.”
Nor would she want it to be: she’d fought too hard for Tenderfoot to appreciate what he had to ever want to strip him or his sisters of it. That wouldn’t make it any easier to take when she was, almost inevitably, shown the door. It always happened; no sooner had she been taken in, got comfortable, finally dared to hope, than it was snatched from under her nose…
She stared off into the distance, not really seeing anything.
“You’re right, I could take a no. What I couldn’t take is a yes that they have to take back in a few months… just like everyone else has.”
That was what she was afraid of, that was the chance that she couldn’t bear to take. In that moment Angel couldn’t remember how much she’d told Cat about her past adoptions, if much at all; but those memories, of open arms that eventually turned hostile… how could she possibly believe that everyone wasn’t like that? When something happened five times, that was far too many to dismiss it as a one-off.
She forced herself back to the present, a small smile back to her lips.
“Besides, all I really needed was getting Buster out of my hair. I’m doing great now, I promise.”
It wasn’t quite a lie… but great was very definitely a relative term.
#outoftheirdifferences#&&. verse ( homeward bound )#lmao poor angel came for food and instead she got#a 4'9 tall harassment LMAO#&&. queue ( patience makes for better aim )#this feels like a really long tired ramble maybe that's all it is LMAO#....i hope this reply makes sense and is decent
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i think growing up is just life repeatedly sucker punching you and saying bitch you thought things were gonna better lmao no you're so naive and stupid for having hope in 20 years the world will be flaming bag of garbage and no matter how hard you work you'll get eliminated at some point
#and then you just have to get up and keep living anyway because what else is there to do?#but man my heart keeps feeling heavier with every blow#2024 has literally been the worst year ever god personally too#like everytime i think it can't possibly get worse than this it does#i remember literally 9th jan i had such a horrible breakdown in an auto because the first friend i ever made#after school was leaving my work and therefore my life#9 days into the year. seriously. and i was so happy on 8th because it was my birthday#i don't know im trying hard to think okay this doesn't even affect me it's fine im privileged enough that even my own countrys politics#barely affects me#but just. india is already so behind in everything. if developed nations are doing shit like this then well#it will never get better right like who do we even strive to be#i want to get more into indian politics but my god. it's so horrifying and depressing all the time#like i remember resolving to follow politics closely few years ago and the first news#i read was about some minister talking about how girls skirts lengths IN SCHOOL is the reason boys do sa and boys will be boys etc etc#i know i could just follow business news stuff like that god knows it'll help in my field but it just. doesn't resonate with me doesn't#make me feel anything at all. like i so desperately want to care about ooh stock markets and how to grow your money etc etc#but when i think about being rich enough to invest idle money all i can think is sitting in my own home peacefully#drinking a glass of cold coffee and just being able to breathe freely because me and my sister used to joke in childhood#when dad went thru a coffee v bad for health phase and he wouldn't let us drink it so we would drink it very sneakily#at night when he was asleep or went out for an hour and make absolutely no noise while mixing the sugar. we said that we know#we'll* know we have achieved true freedom and happiness in life when we can peacefully drink cold coffee in the hall and not secretly#in the dead of night in our room#i don't even know what im talking about and my period is late again and nothing is working and my lazer focus#that i had built in the past few weeks is gone because suddenly im like what is the point????#i just don't understand how the fuck humans can fight over stupid fucking things like who is kissing who and who is doing what with their#body instead of focusing on collective issues like our planet is dying so fucking fast and every summer is getting impossibler to survive#i hate that the united states control the UN fuck this world fr man i hate being born in such horrible helpless times#like call me a kid or dumb or whatever but i cannot understand how MILLIONS of people do not#have sympathy for ppl around them and who don't care about the planet at all like how????? how did you grow up????#not trying to boast but this is so natural to me!!! didn't you make save water save earth posters in school!!! didn't anyone
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i do not like thanksgiving (week)
#1. late november? it’s Dark. all the time. pure darkness#also my dad is neurotic for no reason about the electricity bill despite how much money he spends on random other crap#and he will get really nasty with you if you leave a light on for one nanosecond longer than it needs to be on#so like only if you’re in the room which means the house is dark all the time and you’re expected to just walk around like that#even though having a light on at your destination if you’re moving back and forth helps#like sorry i don’t want to feel depressed and sleepy all the time#2. family over means i have to socialize even though i straight up have nothing to say#i think this one is self explanatory i think we all know the feeling of having to perform around relatives and to be friendly#i really do try my best i’m not like a hardcore introvert i’m just boring and easily bored#if i have nothing to say but i am expected by law to be present at the gathering#i will cope with looking awkward by constantly snacking on whatever food is present#so i just eat like a ton of crackers or whatever over several hours#and i feel like absolute crap#like blehhh wdym peanut m&ms will make your body annoyed at you#3. i can’t cook i’ll be so real so i can’t even feel like i’m being helpful#i would gladly help out i’ll just always need someone to hold my hand and i’ll be in the way#so it’s better for me to stay away#but then it looks like i’m just lazy#or again antisocial#and then that means i gotta do cleanup and dishes#4. going back to the Darkness and sleepiness. all of the above things are bad enough over say christmas#but at least then i can relax bc the semester is over it’s a real break#but thanksgiving? man i am still busy. i have to work from home. i am stressed#my instinct is to hibernate and relax bc of the darkness and holiday vibe#however i’m not allowed to#but it’s hard to be productive#harder still when you have to operate under someone else’s rules#peach rambles
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I miss the days where existing online was a fun thing for ppl with social anxiety to make friends on instead of like Life 2.0 ya know
#sucktacular sucks#this is literally about nothing im just like#so tired. im tired all the time. being online was my lil fun escape place#but now itslike#DID YOU KNOW HORRIBLE THING HAPPENED AND IF YOU ARENT PAYING ATTENTION#YOURE AWFUL AND ALSO THIS OTHER STUFF DONT DO IT BUT YOU#HAVE TO DO THIS THING OR ILL SEND YOU DEATH THREATS#or YOU DID XYZ OR LIKE XYZ THAY MEANS YOURE EVIL AND AWFUL#and its like#i know this stuff existed still back then but also#i just miss making movie maker slide shows#and having funny fake cyber sex in gaia online towns with my friends that i dont#know anything about and will never meet#like i could probably still exist in that closed off little world if i tried harder#but like maaaaann its just rough#i log in and get bombarded with information#i have no money i dont go outside and i want to be left alone except for my friends#i dont want to be anyone and i dont want to do anything#and Yet#my anxiety is on high alert every hour of everyday#anyone else wanna just exist and enjoy stuff or be a hater but it not be A Big Thing#again literally about nothing just like#i have an anxiety disorder and i know existing is already hard#but man online gonna make it hard now too huh#ewie#anyway i do miss my death note mutuals but i cant even socialize with my besties these days#cuz im too anxious and one little trip up and im gonna explode and die frankly#working on it#HOW THE HELL DID WE WIND UP LIKE THIS#AND WHY WERENT WE ABLE... TO SEE THE SIGNS THAT WE MISSED. AND TRY AND TURN THE TABLES
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I have Got to get more transgender
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#transmasc#trans ftm#transgender#i like 2 say i'm very trans already but unforch i am Not Really. mostly boring ftm Guy Ever#so tempted to cut my hair again but my sense of what i look like is already so fuzzy i dont think it'd help..#want to dye my hair anyways. at this point i'd take whatever color i can get if not purple LOL#it's almost everything i could want and yet ... still me. still the same life. stuck.#soooo high functioning like you wouldnt believe EXCEPT istg i need an emotional support human who will guide me through tasks#such as 'pay with your Moneys Card at the Store'#or... idk that's it really. maybe go grocery shopping without feeling like i'm not meant to be there also#or like. exist in general maybe#reasons why not emotional support Animal: creature cannot understand capitalism. and also is not as necessary as a service dog specifically#idk! every time i come on here i fall apart (in text) and then pull myself back together for another day of ... this i guess.#i'm not even having like crying breakdowns or anything to go along with it i'm just held inside this shell of a body. typing away again#i'm soso tempted to make things worse. progress wouldn't matter anymore... at least maybe it would feel real that i'm like this#i wish my face fit on my body right. and also that i did not look quite so much like a vaguely gnc lesbian#like at LEAST let me look butch as hell but no. curse of sad hair & uncertainty#miss my little mullety thing from that brief period in october... miss my short hair from back in 2017 ...#just dont feel satisfied with what i am now. in general.#top surgery is literally Within my reach but i'm not sure about cost and i need to wait because of doing guard now......#my list of do i want t i kept for the past month turned out to be a bunch of maybes#partially cause i got sick. partially cause it stopped being shark week and i forgot about it#as always happens...#still unsure in my new(er) name. only heard it once#didn't feel the same way as with my old one? but idk. just don't know.#missing guard also but feeling conflicted about not having time for other hobbies...#since winter season is over i've had so much time to play guitar! that's insane! mostly cause i stopped playing for unrelated reasons...#just tired again. wonder if i need more sleep than what i always get. kind of restless.#there's nothing else to say i guess. just wish i could be a person the way everyone else seems to be.
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Saw a poll asking which fast food I'd give up for a week for a million dollars, and it's like I'd give up fucking food for a week for that price, there's literally nothing that wouldn't be on the chopping block when it's giving it up for a week
Not to mention I already barely have fast food once a month, and that's only if you count the costco pizza or burgers from the general store (which are more like backyard bbq style... like... the not great but not bad kind from a grill, you know?)
So... money please, I already won, pay me
#like I'm not even kidding about if I got it signed in a contract that I'd get paid; that I'd give up eating for a week for that much#pretty sure while it wouldn't be good for me I'd make it; and... that would only be like 7 less meals that week for an average week#I wouldn't be happy; I don't like being hungry (which is pretty much my forever state; I'm hungry as hell right now)#I know enough to know it would probably take a toll on me given the way I'll prowl the house over and over looking in vain for food#like it would be bad#but there's not a lot I wouldn't do for that kinda money; I'm not gonna pretend that a million isn't a price I can be bought at#basically no hurting anyone; nothing that would do permanent damage... really really gross stuff would cost more#but I don't pretend to have too much pride for this#if you're a sick freak with too much money hit me up and we can probably make a deal#anyway my real point in this post was just the fact that like... give up fast food for a week?#for that price I'd give it up for life; I lose at most costco pizza and perhaps food from the general store; though it isn't fast food#I don't like fast food much; it's already too pricey; you're paying me to do what I already want to do#and with that money I could hire someone to come to my house and teach me to cook#I could pay someone in town to get my groceries... it's a not brainer#hell; for like... mhh... ten million I'd never eat at a restaurant again; though there I'd like to negotiate exceptions to try stuff#like... make the deal that I can't go places regularly; and I can't loop hole this to just always be traveling#but that like if I travel to Japan or something I can try the restaurants there#...twenty five million and I never eat at any restaurant anywhere ever (I'd pay people to have me over for dinner)#one hundred million I never eat anyone's cooking again (I'd go to Japan for instance and pay someone to teach me to cook)#(have them eat with me to make sure I made it right; so I could experience it but no one else made it)#these are my prices#but for real; I never ever ever even go to restaurants; there's exactly one kinda high end pizza place I'd miss with that deal#and again... I'd just go in and pay someone to come help me figure out how to make it at home
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When I think about it, it's kinda crazy that all three Formula 1 drivers I decided to root for during the summer break, when I got into the sport, went on to win races in the second half of the season in front of my very eyes.
#mine: text posts#*in front of my very eyes* ofc i mean through the tv screen i don't have money to attend races etc etc#for anybody curious the guys in question are george charles and oscar#now that i'm doing this sports moments that made me happy series it dawned on me#that i've spend 8 years of being a team brazil gym fan and for the most part they've caused me nothing but pain#i first learned who rebeca andrade was in 2016!! it's 2024 and many surgeries later and only now she's getting the success she deserves#man the f1 guys don't know how easy they have it with their stacked calendar. 23 opportunities to win a race in a year#in gymnastics people only care about worlds which is 1 (one) competition. you make a mistake then you have to wait till next year#or maybe never get it again because somebody else takes your place on the national team#brutal sport tbh
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WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME BURROWS END WASNT FREE
#I DIDNT TALK TO ANYONE ABOUT IT BUT STILL. SOMEONE SHOULDVE WARNED ME BEFORE I GOT COMPLETELY INVESTED#I know next to nothing abt dimension 20 I’m pretty sure I just saw a post abt burrows end specifically MONTHS ago and was like 👀👀👀#opened a tab with the first episode to watch later and promptly forgot about it#until last night! having a bad night and was like hrm what if I just watch smth#and I’ve been reading watership down recently!! finally got my own copy bc it was my favourite book when I was like NINE#so I am fully primed to fall in love with a story abt little animals rn and man#I am OBSESSED with this and also realising yeah I’m at a point where I could get very into tabletop rpgs now#what if. what if I just get dropout. what if I just do that. would that not be fun. I would like to see the stoats do stuff#i am so in love with Ava and her player and I understand so much more about brennan lee mulligan now. and VIOLA#viola may be my favourite character I’m obsessed with how she interacts with other characters.m#i NEED to know what’s up with thorn’s cult thing. and also thorn. what is going on there#hrrgrhehh the thing that’s holding me back is I’m allergic to subscriptions#impermanence. even though I know it’s fairly unlikely I’ll wanna watch it again any time soon I don’t like the idea that I’d have to like#in a couple years pay for it again or not be able to bc I can’t afford it even though I already paid for it once#I’m a books + cartridge games guy and it shows.#okay. I will chew on this. the price is not unreasonable and I have coincidentally also been looking at make some noise clips#it does not help that I basically never watch things but my favourite podcast is also ending within the next month (2 episodes left)#and this IS primarily audio so I could cook + watch mayhaps. and I’ve heard good things abt all other d20.#they have a 20% off first year deal on. annual would make me less stressed long term if I end up liking this bc cheaper + choice premade#and would also mean I can do it now and not feel bad abt wasting the first month bc I won’t be able to watch much for a few weeks#fuck it I’m allowed to make frivolous purchases sometimes I will simply swallow the subscription distaste#more stoats >:)#that aside all the players are incredible I’m pretty sure when this is done I’ll wanna watch other seasons just to see what else they do#okay go do the thing I believe in you you can spend money sometimes#luke.txt#update I downloaded the app. I am putting off the decision for another day now bc it’s 1:21am and I have not been thinking clearly <3
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