#again i am really really sorry it doesn't go through
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Danny awoke, abruptly to a flick to the forehead.
"Ow." It didn't really hurt. It was more just a reaction.
"Stop digging up your giant wound, idiot." A boy in a gray tank top (that looked like it wasn't originally gray) and a domino mask directed.
Danny tried to get up but was held down by a girl dressed in all black. She gestured to stay on the table. It was a lot like a dissection table, except it was paded. And strangely, his hands weren't restrained. He let go of the staple he'd been trying to scratch out in favor of reaching for either of them. The girl took the hint and held his hand. He sniffled. She even removed both their gloves, revealing his black and gray frostbitten fingers.
Slowly, he closed his eyes again and was engulfed in a bright blue light. The last thing he heard was the sound of a heart rate monitor finaly detecting a beat.
~~~~~~~
This time, he woke up in a bed. It's still definitely a medical room. Modesty hadn't been a concern for him lately, but it's nice to be covered up. Sitting up didn't hurt nearly as much as usual. When he looked down, he saw he was wearing some kind of stretchy corset. No matter what he tried, he couldn't get it off.
OK, here goes. Standing was no picnic, either. It was more like those weird jello dishes Aunt Alice sometimes brought to family gatherings. Discusting and surprisingly hard.
The floor is cold to the touch, it dosnt help that he's barefoot. And... pink. No, his feet are pink. He looks at his hands. Also pink. Nonono. He staggers over to a sink with a mirror above it and forces himself to look. He had pitch black hair and normal blue eyes.
It's ok, this is fine. A bunch of strangers know who he is, but it's alright. They helped him, so they must be trustworthy, right? And even if they weren't, it doesn't matter. Nothing matters except rescuing the other ghosts.
"Oh, good. You're awake."
Danny stumbled, catching himself on the sinke and the cabinets behind him.
"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. Mind answering a few questions." The masked boy was nonchalant and detached. He wore a pair of sweatpants stained with at least 4 days' worth of mystery goo. He looked like he had the same sleep schedule as Clockwork.
"You're not cleared to stand yet, and considering you've already fainted just from holding a girl's hand, you might wanna take it easy." Was it the same guy as before? It's not the same tank top, and he doesn't seem like the kind of person to change clothes regularly. Plus, Danny was lying down when he saw him first. He didn't look this short then.
Danny moves one hand from the cabinets to his chest. It's still covered. He couldn't scratch through the barrier. He tries to rub at it to get a little bit of relief, but nothing works.
"I, I can't," he's out of breath. But not from walking, he's not tired. It's frustration. "I can't leave."
"Sure you can, you sljust have to prove you're healthy enough first." He didn't even look up from his tablet. "It's multiple tests, and you don't even need a perfect score for all of them." This guy sounds more into tests than Jazz. "Let's start with walking. Does it hurt to walk?"
"I can't leave." Danny slides down to the floor.
"Hm, we'll circle back to that one. How many fingers am I holding up?"
"I can't leave!" He covers his face with his hands.
"You know what? Nightwing can handle this."
Mere minutes later, the same boy came back, this time taller and dressed like an overtly sexy trapeze perfomer that works at a disco themed dive bar. He rushed in and sat on the floor next to Danny. Arms held out around him, but not touching him.
"What's going on? What do you need?" He asked, sounding like a preschool teacher.
Danny sat there for a moment before embracing the strangely clad man. With the side of his face smushed thoroughly into the man's chest, Danny could feel the exposed chest hair on his ear. What are you doing, man? You can't have exposed chest hair on your superhero outfit. Even Danny knew that, and he wears a hazmat suit into battle. Despite the faux pas, he was still comforting.
"I c'cant lea-ve," Danny trembled.
"That's fine, you don't have to leave." He tried to reassure.
"Can't" why can't he say anything else?! "leave."
The man just hugged him tighter and caressed his hair, just like Jazz does. And just like with her, Danny couldn't help but let out a tear.
~~~~~~~
A while after that, another man, maybe 60-70 years old, made him eat a bunch of tiny sandwiches. They were so much better than the steaming pile of nothing he had the past several weeks. He must have eaten his own weight in finger foods.
~~~~~~~
Red hoods entrance was loud. Was it this loud the first time, too? Danny could hear yelling, scolding. From the words he could make out, Red Hood must have brought him here and only told the others after he'd already left. tt. What a hero.
Danny sat still, legs dangling off the bed, waiting.
"Sup, flesh wound?" The Red Hood entered brashly. "What just gonna sit there, didn't baby bird patch ya up? Or at least give you drugs?" The way he spoke, it was clear he was trying to come off as a jerk. But the questions and the emotional energy he gave off said otherwise.
"Bertrand told me to stay in bed. I won't argue with the hand that feeds me." Danny forced a smile.
"Bertrand?" The Red Hood took off his helmet... another domino mask. Why do all these people look exactly the same? And more specifically, why do they look more related to him than half his family does?
"I don't know his real name, but he looks like he could be Bertrand." He cleared.
"Ha! He does, doesn't he?" He's a lot less scary looking without the helmet. Now, if he could only take off the blood covered jacket. "It's better it you don't know our names. Tell me what was going on at that facility." His face was serious again, but his emotions were the same throughout.
Danny's hand wandered back to his wound, still out of reach. Still beckoning to him. "The guys in white are a seacret government organization that wants to exterminate all ghosts. They've captured almost everyone already. Walker, Young Blood, Pointdexter, the Lunch Lady. I couldn't see the others, but I know they were there." His wound grew louder and louder.
Touch me, find me, hold me. He felt like it was screaming at him.
Red grabbed Danny's hands to stop him. "It can't heal with your hand stuffed inside."
It can't heal, not yet. Not until he's whole.
"So these Guys in white, if they want to exterminate all ghosts, then why were the ghost all in cages instead of dead?"
"It's difficult to kill a ghost. The most common way is to just fade out. And each ghost will fade for different reasons. They want to find a faster way that will work on any ghost."
It clawed at his mind, all consuming. In the way he used to feel about protecting others or space. Now, there is only the hole in his chest.
Red sighed. "Baby bird!"
The boy from before stepped into the door frame as though he'd been just out of sight the whole time. Probably listening. "Yes?"
"What's up with his chest? Did you not give him painkillers? That thing was fully open."
"Are you in pain?" The tired one addressed Danny.
"No."
In response, Red let go of his hands, which went straight back to his chest, and looked back at the other boy with a "see?!" kind of motion.
"You could have an infection. The copious amount opioids we gave you would still hide the pain. How does it feel?"
Danny only needed a single word to describe it.
"Hollow."
~~~~~~~
It took a lot of convincing, but the ratty one, Red Robin, agreed to let him be awake while they checked on the wound.
He sat back on the same padded metal table as before, arms fully extended and holding onto a handle bar. Behind him stands the blue one, wingnut or something, ready to hold him back if he tries to interfere. In front of him is Red Robin, to his right is Red Hood and to his left is the silent girl in black, Orphan. Some others had come in earlier, but Hood had asked each one to stay away.
Red Robin readied his scalpel, and slowly, he cut through the garment, reaching from Danny's armpits to slightly below his bellybutton. Once that was gone, there were still layers of bandages. They started off white. The more they removed, the more it started turning a light brown, then a darker brown. By the end, it looked almost black. Only when it was all gone did he try to reach inside, but was stopped by 70s playboy model, who guided his hand back to the rail. He took a deep breath and heard two faint *clink* sounds.
Red Robin looked shocked, Orphan didn't react at all, and Red Hood looked concerned.
"What?" Asked... Dark... wing?
"I put in 36 staples, but it looks like he's pushed out 14 of them from the tops and bottom." He pauses. "And the wound has closed in those places. This sort of progress should have taken days, not 20 hours."
"What about," Danny tried to find the right word "inside." Close enough.
The cavity was harder to examine now that it had gotten smaller. "There's no infection. Remember to thank the antibiotics on the way out."
"Are you conscious enough to be doing this?" Hood snarked.
"It's not infected. There's no extra stuff, there's, uhm. Something missing. It was like," Danny opened and closed his fist, trying to convey something.
"Did you remove something?" Said blue bird to red bird.
"There was some shrapnel. It was like tiny pieces of Cristal."
"That's it. I need it, where is it?"
Nightwing had to pull him back into place. Nightwing, that's his name.
"It's in a box, I tried to put it back together, but it's fragile." It was like Red Robin disappeared and appeared shortly after with a biohazard box.
He might be a teleporter or a speedster. And since the GIW wanted Hood, he must have some kind of ghost powers, too. That explains why they wear masks.
Inside the white, insulated plastic box was a mostly reassembled ice core. It glowed a weak blueish-green. As Danny's hand inced towards it, it glowed bitghter. He only had to pick up the pieces. It was as though they found their way together on their own. Each one drained him more than the last, but it was all worth it.
To finally be whole again.
Prompt: Prison Break
Walker wouldn't have expected it, but one of the worst parts of being imprisoned by the GIW was watching Phantom suffer through the descending stages of violent obsession failure.
All of them were feeling it, obviously, but for most of them it was a slow decline - the pull of longing, developing over days and weeks into a sharp ache. Ember, ignored and silenced, was lashing out, kicking the glass walls and screaming for attention, even when it hurt. Johnny and Kitty, kept out of each other's sight, pressed against the walls closest together. Walker's whole body throbbed with frustration and self-loathing, needing to return to his territory and drag everyone back with him, away from this place of torture.
But Phantom, not three years dead and with an obsession that demanded that he keep everyone completely unharmed, had declined rapidly. Sure, for the first week or so, he'd been preoccupied with troubles of his own, strapped constantly to a table with hands digging through his insides. But then they'd started to spread out their attention.
At first, Phantom didn't seem to realize what was happening. He cried out in anguish and fear, trying to break open his cell and being punished for it, collapsing under the shock collar's control. Walker could almost see when he figured it out, when he started to clutch at his chest, and scribble constellations onto the walls and floor in his dripping ectoplasm with hands that trembled, trying to ease the pain in his core.
Then he started to curl up and choke on his tears, shuddering in pain whenever screams echoed down the hall. Finally, in between his own turns on the table, he started to shove his hand into his open chest, clutching his burning core directly, moans of pain rising into yells in nearly perfect unison with whoever else was the victim this time.
(Sidney had declined in nearly perfectly unison with Phantom, which a part of Walker hoped the punk hadn't noticed.)
If Phantom wasn't a halfa, he probably would've shattered into dust by now. It probably would've been a mercy.
When the yelling started, Walker almost didn't notice. Phantom, delirious with pain, for sure didn't. But before long, most of the rest of them had stirred to alertness, dragging themselves closer to the glass to peer down the hall. A troop of GIW stormed down the hall without glancing at any of them, and an alarm started going off. Phantom whined and rolled over, his hand buried in his autopsy wound while he shivered. (The scientists had tried stitching it closed, but Phantom just clawed it blindly open.)
"What's happening?" the Lunch Lady croaked. (Youngblood and Phantom were starving, and it was doing her no favors.)
"Prison break," Walker rasped. He recognized the signs. "Someone's here." He'd never imagined that it would be a relief.
#Danny phantom#dp x dc#dpxdc#dc x dp#fanfic#dannys' first reaction to seeing tim is to roast him#same bro#tim drake#red robin#orphan#cassandra cain#someone better continue this#couse its not gonna be me and i want to know what happens next#nightwing#discowing#dick grayson#red hood#jason todd#plot twist#no wonder they didnt know what to do#whats that? why yes i am writing the hashtags while writing the story#come on. i wanna end it here with “hollow” but i still have 5 hours to work on it#surre i could just watch youtube for the rest of my break but thatwould be like cheating#btw orphan can't speak. her mom removed her vocal chords when she was little#i know thats not in every version. but its in this version#I SHOULD HAVE LEFT IT AT “Hollow” that would have been a perfect jumping off point for the next writer. but noOOoOo.#i gotta use my last 5 hours#im starting to think this was just an excuse for me to bully the older bat boys... and also orphan is there#oh hey. let me add a little to your story. *writes a novel*#whoever does continue this. pretty please let danny continue believing the bats all have superpowers
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Hiii!! is it okay if I request a comfort(?) scenario/headcanons with Vil, Idia, Malleus and Lilia where a female protagonist feels self-conscious about having stretch marks and/or cellulite, thanks (Sorry if it's not spelled well, English is not my native language)
COMMENTS: So... even though I myself am a woman, I genuinely never saw stretch marks or cellulite as something bad or ugly, and I still don't. So maybe making the characters share the same vision as me would be accurate? The only exception to complete indifference is Vil, but not in the way you might be thinking.
Btw, I didn't see any point in writing this in a context other than an already advanced relationship given the topic. Fortunately, the 4 characters are 18 years or older so it doesn't end up being... you know, too weird.
I explain at the end why I couldn't write anything for Malleus or Lilia. But despite that, I hope you and all like what I managed to write. ❤️
CHARACTERS: Vil Schoenheit / Idia Shroud
TAGS: Fluff; Fem!Reader; Comfort; In a Relationship; Suggestive(?)
WORD COUNT: An average of 580 words per character
CONTEXT: I don't think it would make sense for two people to have this kind of intimate conversation outside of a romantic or even sexual relationship. So in that situation, he and you would be in a relationship.
This was an insecurity of yours from the beginning. After all, your boyfriend was none other than Vil Schoenheit. It would be worrying enough if he were a normal model, but he's not only a super model but one of the biggest in all of Twisted Wonderland.
He had already noticed that since you started dating you seemed more worried and less confident about your appearance and that was when he said to you:
“I am the one who needs to be perfect, not you. If I wanted to date a model I could do it, but my standards in romantic relationships are others. Different from some of my colleagues in this field. I will always help you to further improve your image if you wish and feel comfortable with it. Please don't see this as me wanting you to change your appearance, but as an attempt to make you as beautiful on the outside as you are on the inside.” He pauses for a second. “However, for some reason, there's something that bothers me about the possibility of making you start living the same lifestyle as me.”
But he would only get the answer to why that bothered him later.
“The truth is: you are my escape. I don't feel the pressure to be perfect with you because... you know I'm not and yet you look at me with more admiration than anyone else. You are my escape from the superficial and futile parts of my professional life. When you live in these types of environments, you start to lose track of what really matters and what really does you good. Thinking about you being swallowed up by this... and losing your genuine smile... because of me... I can't allow it! Please know that no opinion about your appearance matters other than your own. And it wasn't just that that made me fall in love.”
This may have made you feel more comfortable and confident about your appearance again, but as the relationship became more serious and you became more intimate, eventually your problem with stretch marks and cellulite began to affect your mood again.
At home, Vil had massage sessions from time to time not only to help him relax but also for other healthy effects it had on his body. He thought that now that he was dating you, maybe it would be interesting for him to buy massage products and for you to start having these sessions with each other.
“You deserve a massage probably even more than I do.” He tells you, referring to the hardships you go through with Grim and the others.
And that's when he realizes from your hesitation that something about your appearance has bothered you again. He asks you to tell him and that you can trust him. After all, if you couldn't, what kind of boyfriend would he be? And you end up talking about your stretch marks and cellulite.
“I see.” He says understandingly. “I've never had them myself, but I've met many women in the beauty industry who talk about it to each other. Not to mention the advertisements for products for it. Do you remember what I told you when we first started dating and you felt less confident about your appearance? I am the one who needs to be perfect, not you. Furthermore, from what I understand, these marks are usually found on areas around the stomach, hips, breasts, and thighs.” He looks at you seductively. “You don't really think I would have any kind of criticism if you gave me the honor of seeing these parts of your body, do you? Why don't you let me give you that massage? I'll show you what I truly find beautiful about you.”
At first you didn't even think about it. It was only when the relationship started to get more serious and you started to sleep together from time to time that you started to worry.
Especially when Idia started having less of a problem walking around you shirtless. And giving hints about how he would like to see you wearing his shirts, without pants.
One day he says he wants to acknowledge the elephant in the room, but instead of asking why you hide your body so much, he asks if you still don't consider him worthy of seeing his girlfriend comfortably sexy.
“You never hid the fact that you like to see me shirtless.” He says while playing some game on the computer. “I also want to see you like that. Not necessarily shirtless, that's another level, but like, you know I don't like to embody the confident handsome guy who likes to walk around with little clothing on." His hair starts to turn hot pink.” But... I like how you look at me when I do. And what you say. Which I never understood ‘cause I don't even have good physics. But you do! You would be that character that every player simps for.” He sinks into his chair. “But I understand, getting that kind of look from me is disgusting...”
You may have your insecurities, but he has them too. And finally you feel the need and the comfort enough to reveal to him that that isn’t the problem, that you would also like him to find you hot as you find him and that the problem is your marks.
“What marks? Like scars? Don't tell me you have cool battle scars, like doesn't that make a person even sexier?”
You say you're not talking about scars, but stretch marks and cellulite.
“... Yah... sorry, I think I rolled a natural 1 in intelligence for this. What was that again?”
You say they are marks, irregularities and dimples in the skin and that he can search them on the internet. He does that.
“It says that these are natural things that don't do any harm. But they can impact self-image.” He researches a little more. “Wait! Are you trying to tell me that you find these strips and irregularities ugly enough to the point that you have to hide them? THIS?” He smiles mockingly “Oh no! How horrible! Your skin looks like... skin! What a tragedy!”
He will be very happy if you can laugh with him.
“As if I would even notice that. It says here that these marks are usually found on areas around the stomach, hips, breasts, and thighs. Do you really think that if I saw these parts of your body it would be little stripes and dimples that would catch my attention?” The pink in his hair becomes more intense. “I may be a shut-in but don't lump me in with those worms who define their standards based on adult videos. I can assure you that's not what you'll have to worry about if you take your clothes off in front of me.”
He finally looks at you with a seductive look and smiles confidently when he sees that you are flustered.
I really really really tried to imagine scenarios with Malleus or Lilia, but I couldn't think of anything very meaningful.
Malleus wouldn't understand the problem even if you tried to explain it to him because... it doesn't make sense to him. They're just marks. He also has marks, like, on his forehead. Is there something wrong with this?
And Lilia would just laugh for you thinking this is a problem and just tell you to forget about it.
They wouldn't understand, because it wouldn't make any difference to them at all. And that's it.
With Vil and Idia I was able to think of something because they are, like, from this generation, and because one is in the beauty industry and the other is, probably, chronically online, they can see where your insecurity comes from. But for someone like Malleus or Lilia, this type of insecurity has no basis whatsoever. I really don't know what to write with them.
Sorry. 🥺
If you dropped in here out of the blue and want to read more from me, you can find it in my pinned post: INDEX
#3K followers#3K followers milestone#Twisted Wonderland#twst#twisted wonderland x reader#twst x reader#twst imagines#twst fluff#Twisted Wonderland Fluff#twst requests#Twisted Wonderland requests#requests#Vil Schoenheit#Vil Schoenheit x Reader#Idia Shroud#Idia Shroud x Reader
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Idea for fic: where the reader is on the bed teasing the monster that they tied to the wall with a rope or chain and is some how holding the chain (kinda like a pulley system) and accidentally lets go of the chain and the monster pounces on them ;)
a/n: Hehehe, I love this! :3 Thank you for the ask!
Hung-Over
[ m!monster x fem!reader ]
content: grinding
You wait for him to wake up, your arms crossed, a pout on your mouth. You tug the rope around his legs, trying to wake him up faster - you were becoming irritatingly impatient.
With a long yawn followed by a grunt, he opens one eye. "Oh shit... Everything hurts." He notices you and immediately wakes up, his eyes dilating in panic. "I'm... in trouble?"
"You got drunk again!" you snap. "You got drunk again, forgot your phone at a pub, and barged in through the door like a rhino!"
"I broke our door again?"
"No, luckily you were able to use the lock, but you slammed the door so hard, I think the wall next to it cracked."
"I'm so sorry, love, I—" He frowns and wriggles his arms and legs. Or better said - tries to. "Why are my wrists and ankles tied?"
"I told you I'll punish you if you scare me like that again. Now you're hungover, tied and will watch Pawn Stars all morning."
"NO!" He roars, anguish written all over his face. "You know how much I hate those cheapskates! Ow... my head..."
You turn on the TV sit in the armchair next to your bed and grab a huge bowl of popcorn you already prepared. You enjoy the grunts and annoyed comments your boyfriend throws at the TV.
After one episode finishes, you look at your prisoner and see him straining to grab the end of one of the ropes, probably intending to either pull it or just chew it off. "Hey!" You jump on the bed and smack his hand away. You stand above him, legs spread and arms akimbo. "You could just apologize and admit you fucked up."
He eyes you from your ankles to your lips. "Didn't I?"
"You can be a real prick sometimes, you know that?"
He sighs. "I know and I am sorry. But I always forget my stuff when I'm drunk." You take the rope and pull it, quartering your boyfriend a little bit more. "Ouch!"
"Ask some of your friends to watch it for you before you get completely pissed. Seriously. I was so worried."
He looks at you, puppy eyes mode on. "Really? You love me that much?"
You click your tongue and pull the rope again, the elaborate pulley system you prepared while your boyfriend was passed out on your bed doing what it's supposed to. He grunts and... laughs? You look down and roll your eyes. A big lump is formed under his boxers. "You really are a freak."
"You know it, babe," he smirks and his tail (that sneakily coiled around your ankle while you weren't paying attention) lifts your leg up. With a yelp you fall on the bed and let go of the rope. A perfect opportunity for him. He simply sits up and, with a yank, pulls one of the ropes out of the pulleys. While you wrestle with his strong tail pinning you into the mattress, he frees his legs and lays on top of you. His wrists remain tied together but that doesn't bother him - he pulls your arms above your head and places himself between your legs. "Aaah, finally. Where I'm supposed to be."
His bulge presses against your groin and you can't escape getting hot under his warm weight. "You asshole..."
He keeps moving his hips up and down, grinding his hardness against your soft folds. He kisses you, moaning even before you do. You push yourself up, to feel him more. He spreads your legs further with every futile push. You feel his cock prodding against your entrance but your clothes are holding it captured. The desperate rolls of your boyfriends pelvis indicate he just might be close... And you are as well. You pant, lick your dry lips wanting to taste his delicious cock and ride it to your orgasm. But all you can do is angrily rub against him, sliding up and down his bent shaft. It becomes almost unbearable and painful, but pleasure building up soothes every burning nerve. You climax grinding against his stomach. He laughs, triumphantly letting you go and getting his cock out. Through his tied hands he blows his load onto you, staining your PJs and hair. But all you can do is laugh with him.
He kisses your sweaty forehead. "I'm sorry for making you worried. I promise I won't let this happen again. If..."
You raise your eyebrow. "If?"
"If we don't dismantle this wonderful pulley system you came up with. I'm sure it will come in very useful in the future."
#monster#monster smut#monster imagine#monster lover#monster fucker#monster fuqqer#monster fudger#monster x reader#monster x you#monster x human#monster x fem!reader#exophelia#terat0philliac#teratophillia#terato#slightlyknotinsane#ski.doc
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Husband! Bob x Spouse Reader
cw: light angst
You glared at your ex-husband, Bob Velseb, standing at your doorway with a bag of fresh meat that all but screamed his latest gruesome exploits. It wasn’t hard to connect the dots—people had been going missing again.
Bob’s lips curled into a disarming smile, his southern drawl honeyed and deliberate. “I’m home, darlin’. Why don’t I whip up something’ nice' for you and the girls? Just like old times.”
Your hands clenched into fists as a wave of anger surged through you. Did he really think you’d let him stroll back into your life after disappearing when your now three-year-old daughter was only two months old? Fat chance.
He had always been a storm of chaos, leaving destruction in his wake, but this time it wasn’t just about you. Your two daughters, peacefully asleep upstairs, were your everything. You weren’t going to let Bob ruin the stability and safety you’d fought so hard to build.
“No,” you growled, stepping into the doorway to block his path. “You can fuck off and leave the girls out of this.”
Bob’s smile faltered slightly as you jabbed a finger toward the bag in his hand. “And take that mess with you. The girls believe their father is six feet under, and I intend to keep it that way.”
His eyes darkened for a moment, the smile on his face twisting into something colder, more dangerous. But you held your ground, your protective instincts blazing brighter than any fear he could try to stir in you.
“Six feet under, huh?” he drawled, his southern accent dripping with a charm that felt as fake as the smile plastered on his face. “Well, darlin’, ain’t that somethin’? Here I am, back from the grave, just to see my family. Reckon that makes me a ghost, doesn't it?”
You stepped closer, blocking the doorway entirely, your body a shield between him and the peaceful home behind you. Your heart raced, but you didn’t dare let it show. Bob thrived on fear, and you weren’t about to give him the satisfaction.
“Whatever sick game you’re playing, it ends here,” you spat, your voice low but resolute. “You don’t get to just show up after all these years and act like nothing happened. The girls don’t need you, Bob. We don’t need you.”
Bob chuckled darkly, the deep rumble of his laugh sending a shiver down your spine. “Oh, darlin’, you wound me,” he drawled, his tone laced with mock sincerity. “I’ve been thinkin’ about y’all this whole time, wonderin’ how my little girls are growin’ up. Don’t you think they deserve to know their daddy?”
“Wound you? You—" Your voice faltered as your hands balled into fists at your sides. You exhaled sharply, forcing yourself to steady your trembling voice. “Their daddy is the man who’s been there for them—the one who raised them. Not the one who ran off and left us to pick up the pieces without warning! So no, Bob. They don’t need to know you. Not now. Not ever… I’m sorry.”
Bob’s smirk faded slightly, a flicker of something unreadable crossing his face. But before he could respond, you continued, your voice breaking with raw emotion.
“Did you even think about how your disappearing act would affect them?” Your eyes filled with tears, and you blinked quickly, refusing to let them fall. “They asked for you day and night, Bob. Day and night. And I—"
You choked on the words, your pain spilling out in each syllable as you met his gaze. Bob’s frown deepened, his confident demeanor faltering as guilt flickered in his eyes.
For a moment, just a moment, the mask slipped, and he looked almost human like when you first met. Then, as if compelled by something primal, Bob suddenly moved toward you, his steps quick and purposeful. The air between you grew tense, and your breath hitched as his intentions became unclear.
You closed your eyes, bracing for the worst, your heart pounding as fear gripped you. But instead of pain, you felt the unexpected warmth of his arms wrapping around you. It wasn’t rough or forceful—it was tender, almost comforting.
Your breath caught as you opened your eyes, looking up at him through a blur of tears. His expression was unreadable, a strange mixture of guilt and longing etched across his face.
“Bob…” you whispered, your voice trembling.
He leaned down slowly, pressing a soft, almost reverent kiss to your forehead. The gesture left you stunned, tears spilling freely down your cheeks. It wasn’t what you expected, not from the man who had brought so much chaos and pain into your life.
For a brief moment, you saw the man you had once loved, hidden beneath the years of betrayal and destruction. Yet, the warmth of his embrace couldn’t erase the past or the weight of his actions.
You pulled back slightly, your voice breaking as you whispered, “Bob… Please, just leave. For their sake.”
Your plea wavered with the emotions threatening to overcome you. The love you thought had long since died began to flicker, betraying your resolve. It was a dangerous ember, one that could easily ignite the uncertainty buried deep within you. Bob noticed the shift, his eyes softening as he gently cupped your cheek with his hand.
“Darlin’,” he said, his voice low and soothing, “I’ll leave if that’s what you want. But just… let me have one cup of your famous hot chocolate. Like old times, yeah? You remember?”
You felt your resolve cracking further as you unconsciously leaned into his touch, nuzzling his hand. His words carried a strange sense of nostalgia that tugged at your heart.
With a sad smile, you nodded, stepping aside to let him in. “Fine… but please, don’t make too much noise. I don’t want the girls to wake up.”
Bob stepped inside, his smile broadening as his eyes roamed the familiar surroundings. The air between you was thick with unspoken words, memories, and the weight of decisions both past and present. You led him into the kitchen, your emotions a storm of conflicted feelings, wondering if letting him in was a mistake—or if the fleeting moment of warmth was worth the risk.
When you turned to try to backtrack, to take control of the situation, the sight of Bob rooted you in place. The man who had ended lives without hesitation now stood frozen before your wall, covered with photographs of the girls. Everyday moments captured with care—birthdays, school plays, lazy afternoons at the park. His gaze, however, was fixed on one particular picture: a family drawing, childishly scrawled in crayon.
It was simple yet heartbreaking—a depiction of all four of you holding hands in a park, smiling under a bright yellow sun. Beneath the figure labeled "Mom" was you, next to two smaller figures marked "Us." But next to the towering figure meant to represent Bob, the words "My Guardian Angel" were written in wobbly letters.
Bob’s face twisted as he stared, his usual confidence crumbling into something vulnerable, raw. Guilt rippled through his expression as he clenched and unclenched his fists.
Finally, he turned to you, who stood leaning against the kitchen doorway, your arms crossed defensively as you waited for him to process whatever he was feeling.
“I guess you couldn’t really tell them their dad’s a red devil, huh?” he murmured, his voice unsteady as he finally walked toward you.
You didn’t look at him, your gaze locked on the stove as you quietly prepared the hot chocolate. “No,” you replied softly but firmly. “I can’t.”
The silence between you two stretched, thick and heavy, broken only by the soft clinking of the spoon as you stirred the hot chocolate on the stove. Bob watched you intently, his gaze tracing every movement with a mixture of longing and regret. He had missed you—the way you moved, the way your voice filled the room. For all his selfish desires, he knew better than to say it aloud.
Your voice shattered his thoughts.
“You know, Belle—our youngest—found an old picture of you.” You smiled faintly, but the sadness in your eyes cut deeper than any words could. “She was kissing it and asking where you were. I had to remind her… you were in ‘heaven.’”
Bob’s confident demeanor faltered. He looked away, unable to meet your gaze for the first time, guilt etched into every line of his face.
You poured the steaming hot chocolate into a cup, setting it down in front of him with deliberate care. “You know what’s funny?” you continued, your voice tinged with anger and exhaustion. “I feel jealous of how much she loves you. Because I know you don’t deserve it.”
Bob flinched as if the words had physically struck him, but he stayed silent, gripping the cup as if it were the only thing grounding him.
You stared at him, your expression hardening as you leaned forward. “They buried their memories of you with love,” you said, your voice low but sharp. “Now that you’re back…”
Bob finally looked up, meeting your glare, but the weight of your next words shook him to his core.
“What do you want me to tell them? Why?” Your tone cracked with emotion, though your resolve remained unyielding. “There’s no way to revive the man they’ve idealized without killing the truth of the one who actually left.”
The room fell silent again, the tension between you two palpable, as Bob struggled to find words that didn’t exist.
#bob velseb spooky month#bob velseb#bob velseb x reader#bob spooky month#spooky month bob velseb#spooky month bob#bob velseb fanart#bob velseb x self insert#bob velseb x y/n#spooky month#light angst#angst fic#open ending#x reader#spooky month x reader#spooky month fic#oneshot#spooky month oneshot
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ink & innocence - 21
word count: 8.8k
sorry for the wait, hope you guys enjoy!
The next day, though Harry had to be cooped up at the shop once more, he made sure to bring Aspen along. The girl sat perched by the front desk, swaying in her chair as Niall and Zayn kept her company while her boyfriend worked on another large last minute walk-in piece.
Aspen hadn't minded tagging along to the shop today. In fact, she liked being around Harry's world, seeing the environment he was so comfortable in. It was different from her own, rougher around the edges, but it fascinated her. The steady hum of the tattoo machines, the scent of antiseptic and ink in the air—it was all so uniquely him.
She sat at the front desk, her legs crossed at the ankle as she absentmindedly flipped through one of the shop's design books. Every now and then, her eyes drifted toward Harry's station where he was focused on a client, sleeves pushed up, forearms tense with concentration. He looked good when he worked, brows drawn together, tongue occasionally swiping across his bottom lip in focus. She felt warmth rise in her cheeks just watching him.
Zayn and Niall were keeping her company in the meantime, the two of them going back and forth in their usual banter, making Aspen giggle behind her hand.
"You know, I think I'd look real good with a full sleeve," Niall mused, stretching his arm out in front of him and squinting as if he were already picturing it.
Zayn snorted, shaking his head. "You're too indecisive. You'd get halfway through and regret it."
Aspen giggled as Niall shot Zayn an exaggerated glare. "Oi! I could pull it off." He turned to Aspen for backup. "Don't you think I'd look good with a sleeve?"
Aspen tilted her head, feigning deep thought before giving a shy little shrug. "I think it would suit you... maybe."
Zayn barked out a laugh, pointing at Niall. "Even Aspen doesn't sound convinced."
Niall groaned, slumping back dramatically in his seat, which only made Aspen giggle more. The conversation carried on lightheartedly, small jokes exchanged between them as she grew more comfortable with their dynamic.
"Okay, fine," Niall huffed. "No sleeve. But what about, like, a single bold piece? Something cool and mysterious. Maybe a dagger? A wolf? A dragon?"
Zayn raised a brow. "You sound like every dude who walks in here asking for their 'first ink' and then chickens out when the needle actually touches their skin."
Aspen covered her mouth as she laughed, her shoulders shaking. "Do people really do that?"
"More often than you'd think," Zayn smirked, leaning against the counter. "You should see some of the excuses we get. 'Oh, I forgot I had a meeting.' 'Oh, my girlfriend doesn't like tattoos.' 'Oh, I think I left my oven on at home.'"
Aspen giggled harder, imagining the scene unfolding.
Niall pointed at Zayn accusingly. "Listen, I may be many things, but a coward is not one of them. If I commit, I commit."
Zayn gave him a skeptical look. "That so?"
"Absolutely."
Aspen, still smiling, tapped a finger against the open design book in front of her. "Well... if you had to pick one right now, what would it be?"
Niall leaned over, scanning the page, before pointing to a classic anchor design. "That. Timeless. Rugged. Manly."
Zayn snorted. "Basic."
"Oh, come on!" Niall groaned. "I thought we were past judging people for classic ink choices!"
Aspen bit her lip to keep from laughing too hard, enjoying the easy back-and-forth between them. She liked this—being included, feeling like she belonged in their little world.
Her eyes flickered over to Harry again, watching the way he moved, the way he gently tilted his client's arm to get a better angle, the way he was so deeply focused. It still amazed her, how skilled he was, how much he cared about his craft. He made everything seem effortless.
She didn't even realize she was staring until Niall leaned closer and whispered, "You're drooling."
Aspen's face burned as she snapped her gaze back to him. "I—I am not!"
Niall grinned, nudging her arm. "S'fine, love, we get it. Your boyfriend's hot."
Zayn smirked, adding, "At least you're subtle about it."
Aspen groaned, burying her face in her hands as they both chuckled at her expense.
"Fine, fine," she muttered, shaking her head with a shy smile. "Let's change the subject."
"Aw, but this was getting good," Niall teased, but he relented when she shot him a playful glare.
Aspen took a sip from her water bottle, settling herself again before her curiosity got the better of her.
Aspen absentmindedly traced patterns along the condensation of her water bottle, the soft hum of tattoo machines filling the shop as she let the words roll off her tongue without much thought. "So... where were you guys the other day?"
She wasn't asking with suspicion—just curiosity. It was normal for them all to be busy, especially Harry and Zayn, but with both of them disappearing on the same day, she had assumed they had been working at the shop together.
Zayn, who had been scrolling on his phone, stilled almost imperceptibly. It was brief, barely noticeable, before he smoothly resumed, tapping his thumb against the screen in thought.
Niall, however, was as easygoing as ever, giving a nonchalant shrug. "Dunno. They weren't at the shop, I—"
Before he could finish, Zayn subtly nudged him under the counter, just enough to make Niall pause. The interruption was swift, casual, and Aspen didn't catch on to its meaning.
Niall, never one to be easily flustered, let out an easy chuckle. "Oh, wait, nah. I got my days mixed up," he corrected smoothly, waving a dismissive hand in the air. "Yeah, they were definitely here. You know how it is—busy day, tons of walk-ins. I wasn't here much, though. Just popped in for a bit."
Aspen nodded, easily accepting the answer. It made sense. Niall was always in and out, never one to stay planted in one place unless he had a reason to.
Zayn leaned back against the counter, arms crossed as he picked up the explanation. "Yeah, long ass day. Harry and I had some big pieces to do, so we were stuck here forever. Back-to-back appointments. Barely had time to eat, let alone breathe." His voice was smooth, perfectly composed, and it wasn't unusual for him and Harry to take on big projects.
Aspen didn't even think to question it further. In fact, she felt a little guilty for asking—if they'd had such a long day, she didn't want to seem like she was prying.
She stole a glance at Harry across the room. He was still deep in his work, head tilted in concentration, jaw set as he dragged the tattoo machine carefully over his client's skin. He looked so at home in his element.
She smiled softly to herself, brushing away any lingering thoughts. Harry had never given her a reason to doubt him, and besides, if something was wrong, he would tell her.
"Well, as long as you weren't getting into trouble," she teased lightly, taking a sip of her water.
Niall grinned, dramatically clutching his chest. "Me? Trouble? Never."
Zayn smirked, taking a slow sip of his drink, the picture of amusement but offering no further comment.
Aspen giggled at their antics, letting the conversation drift into something else, not noticing the fleeting glance Zayn and Niall exchanged. If she had, maybe she would've realized there was more to the story than they were letting on.
Aspen leaned forward slightly in her chair, resting her elbow on the desk as she idly twirled the cap of her water bottle between her fingers. The conversation had shifted naturally, moving from their usual banter to something a little more personal.
"So, what's the plan for you two, then?" Niall grinned, wiggling his brows between her and Zayn. "Aspen, you finally got yourself a big, brooding tattoo artist. What's next?"
Aspen blushed, the warmth creeping up her neck. She let out a soft laugh, shaking her head. "I don't know... we're just taking things as they come."
"Boring answer," Niall teased, leaning back in his chair. "Come on, give me something. Future plans? Marriage? White picket fence? Maybe some tattooed babies running around?"
Aspen nearly choked on her water, her face burning even hotter. "Niall!" she squeaked, eyes wide.
Zayn barked out a laugh, slapping a hand against the counter. "Too soon, man," he smirked. "Let 'em breathe."
"I'm just saying! You two are disgustingly cute." Niall stretched his arms behind his head. "If Harry wasn't already obsessed with you, I'd be worried."
Aspen tried to play off her embarrassment, but she couldn't stop the way her lips curled into a soft smile. Her fingers absentmindedly traced the rim of her bottle again, and when she stole another glance across the room, she caught Harry's gaze.
He was already looking at her.
It was brief, just a flicker of his eyes before he turned his attention back to his work, but it was enough to send a pleasant warmth blooming in Aspen's chest.
Niall was still talking, something about how he was destined to be the world's best godfather whenever Harry and Aspen decided to have kids (which, in Aspen's opinion, was way too early to even think about), but she was only half-listening.
Because every time she glanced toward Harry, she caught him doing the same.
And every time their eyes met, it sent little flutters through her stomach.
"So what about you guys?" she asked, eager to shift the conversation away from herself. "What's your plan for the future?"
Zayn shrugged, taking a slow sip of his drink. "Haven't thought about it much. Business is good. I don't see myself doing anything else anytime soon."
"Fair," Aspen nodded. "And you, Niall?"
"Oh, I'm gonna be rich," Niall declared, pointing at himself with full confidence. "But like, stupid rich. Don't ask me how yet. Maybe I'll invent something. Or marry into money. Either way, I'll be set."
Aspen laughed, shaking her head. "Solid plan."
"Exactly," Niall grinned. "And speaking of plans... Aspen, be real with me—are you gonna stay with this guy forever, or what?"
Aspen opened her mouth to respond, but she didn't have an answer.
Forever?
Her gaze flickered back toward Harry. She wasn't even sure if he was listening to their conversation, but she knew that if she was being honest with herself... the idea of forever with him didn't seem so scary.
She just smiled, a little shy, a little uncertain.
"We'll see," she murmured.
And from across the room, Harry glanced up once more—just in time to catch her looking at him again.
Aspen shifted in her seat, her fingers absentmindedly twisting the cap of her water bottle as she debated whether or not to ask the question sitting at the tip of her tongue. She wasn't usually the type to pry, but curiosity had a way of gnawing at her when it came to Harry—especially when it came to the parts of his life he didn't bring up often.
"Can I ask you guys something?" she finally murmured, glancing between Niall and Zayn.
Zayn quirked a brow, while Niall leaned in like she was about to spill the most interesting gossip he'd ever heard. "Course you can, sweetheart," Niall grinned. "What's on your mind?"
She hesitated for a moment before voicing what she'd been wondering. "Has Harry ever talked about... past relationships? Like, has he ever been in love before?"
Niall and Zayn exchanged a look, one Aspen couldn't quite decipher. It wasn't amusement, nor was it discomfort—it was something in between, like they were deciding how much they should say.
"Depends on what you mean by 'in love,'" Zayn finally said, tapping his fingers against the counter. "If you're asking if he's had girlfriends before, then yeah, he's had a few. If you're asking if he's ever been in love? That's a different question entirely."
Aspen frowned slightly. "So... has he?"
Zayn sighed, tilting his head as he considered his answer. "I don't think so," he admitted. "Not the way you mean. Harry's had flings, some more serious than others, but he's never been the type to settle down. Not because he couldn't, just... he never found anyone he wanted to."
Aspen processed that quietly, her fingers still tracing idle patterns on her bottle. It wasn't a bad answer. If anything, it only made her feel more special—like she was different.
Still, she wasn't quite done with her questions.
"What about the way he talks about me?" she asked softly, suddenly feeling a little shy about the inquiry. "Does he... ever bring me up?"
Niall let out an exaggerated groan, throwing his head back. "God, Aspen, you have no idea," he whined. "The man does not shut up about you."
Aspen's eyes widened. "He does?"
"Constantly," Zayn smirked. "It's almost embarrassing, really. We could be talking about literally anything, and he'll find a way to bring you into the conversation. 'Aspen would love this.' 'Aspen was reading this book the other day.' 'Aspen said the funniest thing.' It's ridiculous."
Aspen's face heated instantly, her heart swelling at the revelation. She'd known Harry cared about her—he wasn't shy in the way he showed his affection—but hearing that he talked about her so often when she wasn't around made her feel warm in a way she couldn't quite describe.
"Yeah," Niall added, grinning. "And don't even get me started on the way he talks about you when he's drunk."
Aspen's brows furrowed. "What do you mean?"
"Oh, he gets all sappy," Niall said, waving a hand. "Like, real soft. Talks about how much he likes you, how you make him feel different than anyone else ever has. It's kinda sweet, actually, if you ignore the fact that he sounds like a lovesick idiot."
Aspen's heart did a little flip in her chest. "He really says that?"
"Every damn time," Zayn confirmed, shaking his head. "And if you ask me, that's saying a lot. Harry doesn't open up easily. But with you? I think he's completely gone."
Aspen chewed on her bottom lip, trying to suppress the giddy smile threatening to take over her face. She'd known Harry felt something strong for her, but hearing it from his friends, from the people who knew him best, made it feel even more real.
After a moment, she gathered her thoughts enough to ask her next question. "Has he ever told you guys why he never got serious with anyone before?"
Niall and Zayn exchanged another glance before Zayn answered. "He's never given us a straightforward reason," he admitted. "But I think it has to do with trust. Harry's not the kind of guy who lets people in easily. He's seen too many people turn their backs when things got hard, so he stopped letting them get close in the first place."
Aspen frowned slightly, her heart aching at the thought. She knew Harry had his walls, knew he carried burdens he didn't always talk about. But the idea that he'd spent so much of his life keeping people at arm's length made her want to hold onto him even tighter.
"Well," she said softly, her fingers curling around the edge of the counter, "I hope he knows he doesn't have to worry about that with me."
Zayn studied her for a moment before nodding, a small, knowing smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "I think he does," he murmured. "And I think that's why you're different."
Aspen exhaled a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding, feeling an overwhelming sense of warmth spread through her chest. Maybe she was different. Maybe, despite everything, Harry had finally found someone he was willing to let in.
And maybe—just maybe—she was willing to let him in, too.
As Harry worked, the rhythmic hum of the tattoo machine filled the space around him, the buzz familiar and grounding. His hand was steady, movements precise as he filled in the last bit of shading on his client’s forearm. It was muscle memory by now, the way he worked—careful, methodical, ensuring every line was perfect. But despite how deep he was in his craft, his attention kept drifting elsewhere.
Aspen.
Every now and then, between dipping his needle into ink and wiping away excess, his gaze would flicker toward the front of the shop where she sat. She was perched on the chair, her legs tucked under her, absently twirling the cap of her water bottle between her fingers as she listened to whatever nonsense Niall and Zayn were spewing. She was smiling, her cheeks soft with warmth, and fuck—Harry swore he could feel that smile in his damn chest.
It was different, having her here. Not in a bad way—quite the opposite, really. It was grounding, a quiet reassurance that she was becoming a part of this life of his. A life he never thought he’d want to share so openly with someone.
His fingers tightened around the tattoo machine slightly. That thought—it was dangerous. Because there were parts of his life she couldn’t know. Not yet.
He swallowed, forcing his focus back on the piece he was working on. The secrecy—it wasn’t about not trusting her. He did. More than he cared to admit. But there were things in his world that were better left in the dark. Things that weren’t meant for someone like her—soft, kind, untouched by the shit he and Zayn were tangled up in.
Maybe one day, he’d tell her. But not now. Not when he could still shield her from it.
He exhaled, shaking off the heaviness pressing against his ribs, and refocused on finishing up.
Fifteen minutes later, he wiped down the tattoo one last time, nodding in satisfaction before wrapping it up. “Alright, man,” he said to his client, standing and stretching out his arms. “You’re all set. Just follow the aftercare instructions, and you’ll be golden.”
After handling payment and bidding the guy goodbye, Harry finally took a breath. His break had been long overdue.
As he walked over to the front of the shop, the scent of food hit him first. His brows lifted slightly in surprise as he spotted Aspen setting out plates in front of Niall and Zayn, her movements careful and deliberate as she made sure everyone had what they needed. His own plate was set aside for him, waiting.
His heart clenched at the sight.
She had cooked for them?
Something about that simple act of care made something deep in him ache.
Before he made his way over to grab his plate, he veered slightly, walking past Niall and—without hesitation—snagging a bite right off his plate.
“Oi!” Niall protested, pulling his plate away. “What the hell, mate? You've got your own!”
Harry chewed, smirking as he handed Niall back his fork. “I know,” he said easily with a shrug of his broad shoulders, “but if m'lady made it, I want it all.”
Aspen, who had just taken a seat, turned a deep shade of red at his words, her fingers curling in her lap as she ducked her head slightly.
Niall groaned, rolling his eyes as he snatched his plate back. “Christ, you two are disgusting.”
Harry grinned, but didn’t respond, instead making his way over to his own plate. Before sitting down, he leaned down, pressing a soft, lingering kiss against Aspen’s cheek from behind.
She stilled for a second, then exhaled, shoulders loosening as a shy little smile played on her lips.
Harry took his seat next to her, grabbing his fork as he dug in. The second he took his first bite, he let out a hum of approval. “Fuck, baby. This is good.”
“She’s got skills,” Zayn agreed, shoveling another bite into his mouth. “Could open up a restaurant or some shit.”
Aspen’s cheeks were still pink as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “It’s really not that big of a deal…”
“It is when all we usually eat is takeout,” Niall chimed in. “This is the best thing I’ve had all week.”
Harry chewed thoughtfully, tapping his fork against his plate before swallowing. “Dunno,” he mused, his lips curling into a slow, cheeky smirk. “I’ve had somethin’ better this week.”
Niall snorted. “Mate, there’s no way you’ve eaten anything better than this. We’ve all been living off gas station snacks and whatever the hell Zayn throws together when he remembers food exists.”
Harry simply leaned back in his chair, draping his arm over the back of Aspen’s. His smirk deepened as he tilted his head slightly toward her, voice dropping just enough to make her stomach twist. “Wasn’t talkin’ about the food.”
Aspen nearly choked on her bite of rice.
Her wide eyes snapped up to him, cheeks instantly burning as she realized exactly what he was implying. Her fingers curled against the napkin in her lap as she shot him a scandalized look, her lips parting slightly in disbelief.
Zayn, always one to catch on quickly, just chuckled under his breath, shaking his head. Niall, on the other hand, took an extra second before groaning in exaggerated disgust. “Christ, Harry. I did not need that mental image while I’m eating.”
Harry only grinned, winking at Aspen before casually picking his fork back up like he hadn’t just made her want to shrink into the floor.
Aspen, flustered beyond belief, pressed her lips together, glancing down at her plate as if it might save her from the warmth spreading all the way to her ears. “You’re insufferable,” she muttered, nudging his knee with hers beneath the table.
Harry let out a low chuckle, nudging her back. “But you like me anyway.”
She didn’t dignify that with an answer—mostly because it was true. And he damn well knew it.
Harry smirked, nudging Aspen lightly with his knee under the table. “Guess that means you’ll have to start cooking for us more often, yeah?”
Aspen rolled her eyes playfully but didn’t argue. Instead, she focused on eating her own food, her lips twitching slightly as the conversation between them carried on.
The energy was easy, lighthearted. They talked about everything and nothing—Niall complaining about a client who wouldn’t stop moving while getting tattooed, Zayn discussing the new pieces he and Harry had lined up, Aspen giggling at their banter.
As the laughter settled, the four of them fell into easy conversation, the clinking of utensils against plates filling the quiet lulls between their words. Harry sat comfortably next to Aspen, his arm draped lazily along the back of her chair, occasionally letting his fingers brush the ends of her hair. It was subtle—so subtle that if someone wasn’t looking, they wouldn’t notice—but Aspen felt every touch, every slight movement of his fingers, and it made her stomach twist in a way she wasn’t used to.
Zayn was the first to steer the conversation into something deeper, leaning back in his chair as he chewed. “So, what’s the plan for the future?” He raised a brow, glancing between them. “Y’know, since we’re all clearly on different paths here. You lot got it all figured out?”
Niall snorted. “Figure out what? That I’ll probably be covered head to toe in ink before I turn thirty and still be eating this girl’s cooking?” He gestured to Aspen with his fork, grinning. “Because if that’s the future, I’m pretty happy with it.”
Aspen smiled, warmth spreading in her chest at the compliment. “You act like I’ll be cooking for you forever,” she teased.
“Oh, come on, sweetheart, don’t do me like that. You’d miss me if I stopped showing up to steal your food.”
Harry rolled his eyes, smirking as he took a sip of his drink. “You’re like a stray cat. Feed you once, and you never leave.”
Zayn chuckled. “That explains why he practically lives at the shop.”
Niall threw up his hands in mock offense. “You lot love having me around, don’t even try to deny it.”
Aspen giggled, shaking her head before turning her attention back to the question Zayn had asked. “But, um, I don’t really know yet,” she admitted softly. “I mean, I have ideas. I love books, so maybe something with that… but it’s hard to say.”
Harry glanced at her, taking in the slight uncertainty in her voice. He could tell she thought about it—probably more than she let on—but she wasn’t one to be loud about her ambitions. She kept them tucked away, only revealing them in small doses, and for some reason, that made him want to hear them even more.
“What about you?” Aspen nudged Harry’s arm lightly.
He took a slow bite, chewing as he considered his answer. “Dunno,” he said finally. “Tattooin’ is what I love. Keeps me steady, keeps me busy. But…” He paused, swirling his fork against his plate. “I guess I wouldn’t mind somethin’ more down the road.”
“More?” Aspen tilted her head, intrigued.
Harry glanced at her, a small smirk playing at his lips. “What? You think I wanna be slingin’ ink forever?”
“I don’t know,” she admitted. “You’re really good at it.”
His chest swelled slightly at the compliment, but he only shrugged. “Yeah, but sometimes… I think about what it’d be like to settle down a bit.”
That made Aspen pause, her fork hovering mid-air. “Settle down?”
Harry’s smirk didn’t fade, but there was something softer in his eyes now. “Yeah,” he said simply. “Someday.”
Aspen lowered her gaze, heat crawling up her neck. The thought of Harry—this inked-up, reckless, sometimes smug but always caring man—talking about settling down was almost impossible to picture. But at the same time… it wasn’t.
“What about you?” Harry’s voice pulled her out of her thoughts.
She blinked up at him, then quickly shook her head. “I—I don’t know,” she murmured. “I never really thought about it.”
Harry hummed, studying her carefully before offering her a teasing grin. “Guess I’ll have to change that, then.”
Aspen’s heart stuttered in her chest, and before she could even process his words, Niall groaned dramatically.
“Christ, you two are disgustingly cute. Can we eat in peace without watchin’ you make heart eyes at each other?”
Zayn chuckled, shaking his head. “You’re just jealous.”
Niall scoffed. “Jealous my ass. I like my peace. Not my fault these two make it impossible.”
Zayn smirked as he leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. “Speaking of impossible,” he started, glancing over at Niall with a knowing glint in his eye. “Didn’t you go on that date the other week? The one with that girl you wouldn’t shut up about?”
Aspen perked up immediately, turning her attention to Niall, who suddenly looked like he wanted to be anywhere else but here. She had never heard anything about Niall dating, and now she was curious.
“Oh?” Aspen tilted her head, eyes bright with interest. “Who’s this mystery girl?”
Niall groaned, rubbing his hands over his face. “Why do you always have to bring shit up, man?” he grumbled at Zayn before exhaling dramatically. “It was just a date. Nothin’ serious.”
“That’s not what you were saying last week,” Zayn shot back smugly.
Aspen turned fully in her chair, leaning in closer with excitement. “Come on, tell me! I need details.”
Harry snorted beside her, clearly enjoying Niall’s misery as he took another bite of his food.
Niall gave them all an exasperated look before slumping back in his seat. “Her name’s Elena. Met her at a café—well, more like she bumped into me and spilled coffee all over my jeans.” He chuckled, shaking his head at the memory. “She was all flustered and apologetic, tryin’ to clean me up, and I was just standin’ there like an idiot. But we got talkin’, and I don’t know… she was easy to talk to.”
Aspen smiled at the way his voice softened slightly, like he hadn’t meant to sound so fond but couldn’t help it. “That sounds cute,” she mused. “So? How was the date?”
Niall shrugged. “It was good. Took her to dinner, talked a lot. She’s studying psychology, so she’s always analyzin’ people. Pretty sure she was psychoanalyzin’ me the whole time.”
Zayn chuckled. “That’s probably not hard.”
Niall shot him a look before continuing. “Anyway, she’s nice. Sweet. Smart as hell. But I dunno, she’s busy with school, and I’m always at the shop. We haven’t really talked much since.”
Aspen frowned slightly, sensing that there was more to it than just being busy. “Do you like her?”
Niall hesitated, rubbing the back of his neck. “I mean… yeah, I guess.”
Zayn scoffed. “You more than ‘guess.’ You texted her three days straight after the date.”
Aspen gasped, her eyes lighting up. “Oh my god, Niall!”
Niall groaned again, dropping his head against the table. “I hate you all.”
Harry, who had been relatively quiet, finally smirked and chimed in. “So, what’s stoppin’ you? If you like her, ask her out again.”
Niall lifted his head just enough to glare at him. “You make it sound so easy.”
Aspen tapped her fingers against the table thoughtfully before an idea struck her. “Wait! What if I helped?”
Niall narrowed his eyes. “Help how?”
“Well,” Aspen began, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, “you said she’s in psychology, right? I actually have a class with her. We’re not super close or anything, but I could… I don’t know, maybe put in a good word for you?”
Zayn barked out a laugh. “Oh, this is gold.”
Niall groaned for what seemed like the hundredth time, dragging his hands down his face. “Jesus. This is humiliatin’.”
“It’s not humiliating!” Aspen argued. “Think of it as… giving you a little push in the right direction.”
Harry chuckled beside her, shaking his head. “That’s dangerous, mate. Aspen’s got a way of getting what she wants.”
Aspen elbowed him playfully but turned back to Niall with an encouraging smile. “I’ll be subtle, I promise. Just casual, ‘Oh, Niall’s such a great guy’ kind of stuff.”
Niall sighed dramatically. “If this backfires, I’m blamin’ you.”
Aspen grinned. “Deal.”
Zayn smirked. “This is the most entertaining lunch I’ve had in weeks.”
As they continued eating, the conversation naturally flowed into playful teasing and joking, but Aspen made a mental note to follow through on her promise. If there was a chance she could help Niall get the push he needed, she’d gladly take it.
Aspen, still burning from Harry’s words, buried her face in her hands. Harry only grinned wider, reaching over to steal another bite from Niall’s plate, completely unbothered.
As the conversation carried on, Aspen couldn’t help but steal glances at Harry—at the way he fit so easily into the dynamic, at the way he teased and laughed and looked at her like she was something he wanted to keep close.
And for a little while, Harry let himself sink into it.
No stress, no secrets.
Just this. Her.
He’d hold onto it for as long as he could.
Harry sat back in his chair, absently twirling his fork between his fingers as conversation carried on around him. The food was good—great, actually, because Aspen had made it—but if he was being honest, he wasn’t fully present. His mind kept slipping, getting caught up in memories that were much more intoxicating than anything else in the room.
He’d been doing his best to keep himself engaged, nodding along when Niall teased Zayn about something, adding in a comment here and there, but all it took was one glance at Aspen, one moment of catching the soft curve of her lips as she smiled, or the way she tucked her hair behind her ear, and he was gone again.
His grip tightened slightly on his fork as his mind drifted back to that night in his office. He could still feel her, taste her, the phantom sensation of her lips and tongue making his stomach coil with heat. The way she had looked at him—wide-eyed, eager, completely wrapped up in him—had nearly ruined him. He’d had plenty of hookups before, but none of them stuck in his head like this, none of them made him crave more than just the physical. But Aspen? She was burned into his mind, into his fucking soul.
And the bathroom. Christ.
He swallowed hard, taking a sip of his drink to keep himself grounded, but it didn’t help much. He could still see the way she’d knelt for him, how shy she had been but how determined, how she’d hesitated but only for a moment before she found her rhythm. The contrast between her softness and the way she had wrecked him had his head spinning even now. He’d never been so completely fucking whipped for someone, never felt this all-consuming urge to take and give all at once. The way she’d looked up at him through her lashes, her fingers barely able to wrap around him, her lips stretched as far as they could go—it had been enough to make him lose all control.
He shifted in his seat, adjusting himself subtly as he forced himself to refocus. He had to get a grip. It wouldn’t do him any favors to sit there getting lost in his own head while they were all supposed to be enjoying a meal. He glanced over at Aspen, catching the way she was laughing at something Niall said, completely unaware of the way she had him tied in knots.
She had no idea what she did to him.
Harry exhaled slowly, dragging a hand through his hair before speaking up, his voice deliberately casual. “Hey, babe,” he said, shifting his attention to Aspen. “Think you could help me move a few things around in my office?”
Aspen blinked, surprised by the sudden request. “Oh,” she said softly, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “Yeah, of course.”
Harry smirked, pleased with her easy agreement. Truthfully, there wasn’t much that needed moving, but with Niall and Zayn getting caught up with clients, he had a perfect excuse to steal her away for a few moments. He needed a break, and more than that, he wanted to be alone with her—just her.
“Tryin’ to get her alone, are we?” Niall teased, wiggling his brows as he stood from the table to grab his supplies.
Zayn chuckled, not bothering to hide his amusement. “Smooth, mate.”
Harry rolled his eyes, standing as well before placing a firm hand at Aspen’s lower back, guiding her toward the hall leading to his office. “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up,” he muttered, though the smirk tugging at his lips gave him away.
Aspen followed quietly, her heart picking up its pace just from the warmth of his palm against her. There was something about the way he touched her—casual yet possessive, like he was always reminding her that she was his. She tried not to overthink it, but the way her stomach fluttered made it impossible.
The moment they stepped into his office, Harry shut the door behind them, leaning against it for a second as he took her in. She looked soft under the dim lighting, her features gentle but curious, and for a split second, he forgot why he even made up the excuse in the first place.
“So… what are we moving?” Aspen asked, glancing around the office.
Harry tilted his head slightly, dragging his lip ring between his teeth as he considered her. Then, with a slow grin, he shrugged. “Dunno,” he admitted. “Might’ve just wanted to get you alone.”
Aspen’s cheeks flushed instantly. “Harry,” she scolded, but there was no real bite to it.
“What?” He smirked, stepping closer, his hands finding her hips with ease. “Can’t a man want some time with his girl?”
Aspen’s breath hitched, her hands instinctively pressing against his chest to create the smallest bit of distance, but Harry only squeezed her hips gently, pulling her in just enough to make her heart race.
“You—” She swallowed, trying to compose herself. “You could’ve just said that instead of pretending you needed help moving things.”
Harry hummed, dipping his head to brush his nose against hers. “Mm. Could’ve,” he mused. “But this way was more fun.”
Aspen’s lips parted slightly, her resolve slipping just from the heat of his proximity. He had this effect on her—one look, one touch, and she was undone.
“You drive me crazy, you know that?” she murmured.
Harry grinned, pressing a lingering kiss to her cheek before pulling back just enough to look her in the eye. “Good,” he said simply. “Because you do the same to me.”
Aspen barely had a second to process his words before Harry closed the distance between them, his lips capturing hers in a kiss that stole the breath from her lungs. His hands moved from her hips to her waist, fingers pressing firmly against the fabric of her top as he pulled her even closer. She melted into him instantly, her own hands slipping up to cup his face, thumbs grazing along his jawline as she sighed softly against his lips.
It started slow, sweet, like they had all the time in the world to explore each other. Harry kissed her with an intensity that sent warmth spilling through her veins, his lips moving over hers with a tenderness that contradicted the way his fingers flexed against her waist. It had been a long day, a long week, and this was what they needed—just the two of them, no distractions, no rushed moments stolen between the chaos of their lives.
But as much as Harry wanted to savor this, his self-control started slipping the second Aspen let out the softest whimper against his mouth. His grip tightened, his lips parting to deepen the kiss, tongue swiping against hers in a way that had her knees weakening beneath her. Aspen clung to him, her fingers curling into the collar of his shirt as she let herself drown in him.
Harry groaned softly, one hand leaving her waist to tangle in her hair, angling her head just how he wanted as he took his time tasting her. The soft scent of her perfume, the warmth of her body pressed against his—it was overwhelming in the best way. He could stay like this forever, but then Aspen pressed just a bit closer, her body molding against his like she was meant to be there, and Harry nearly lost it.
His lips moved from hers, trailing slow, open-mouthed kisses along her jaw, down to the soft skin of her neck. Aspen gasped, tilting her head to give him more access as his teeth scraped lightly against her pulse point. He smiled against her skin when he felt her shiver, his other hand gripping her waist even tighter.
“Harry,” she whispered, voice breathy, and it sent a shudder down his spine.
It took everything in him to pull back, his forehead resting against hers as he caught his breath. His chest rose and fell heavily, his grip on her tightening before he forced himself to let go completely.
Aspen blinked up at him, lips swollen and eyes dazed. “Why’d you stop?” she asked softly, her voice laced with curiosity and the faintest hint of disappointment.
Harry chuckled, his hands finding her hips once more as he gave her a gentle squeeze. “Because, sweetheart,” he murmured, pressing one last kiss to the corner of her mouth, “if I keep going, I’m gonna start something I can’t finish.”
Aspen’s face turned a deep shade of red at his words, and she quickly dropped her gaze. “Oh,” she squeaked out in a breath, suddenly very interested in the buttons on his shirt.
Harry grinned, loving the way she got all shy on him. “Cute,” he mused, nudging her chin up with his fingers so she’d look at him again. “C’mon, little mouse. Have a seat.”
Aspen obeyed, settling onto the small sofa against the wall, her hands fidgeting in her lap as she tried to recover from the heat still lingering in her veins.
Harry grabbed his sketchbook from the desk before sitting beside her, his arm draped along the back of the couch as he flipped to a fresh page. “I needed a break anyway,” he murmured, tapping his pencil against the paper.
Aspen peeked at him, still feeling a little breathless. “What are you gonna draw?” she asked, her voice softer than usual.
Harry smirked, eyes flicking to hers before looking back at the blank page. “Dunno yet,” he admitted. “Maybe you.”
Aspen’s heart skipped at that, but she only tilted her head slightly, a confused smile pulling at her lips. “What do you mean?” she asked softly.
Harry stilled for a moment, debating whether he should keep it to himself or let her in on the little secret he had been holding onto for months. A small smirk played at the corner of his lips as he exhaled, deciding that maybe it was time.
Instead of answering right away, he flipped through his sketchbook, fingers dragging over the edges of the pages as he searched for something specific. Aspen watched curiously, her brows knitting together when she noticed how careful he was being, almost hesitant.
And then he turned the book toward her.
Aspen blinked. Her lips parted slightly as her gaze landed on the first drawing—a sketch of her, sitting beneath a tree, completely lost in her book. The details were so precise, so tenderly drawn, she could almost feel the sunlight filtering through the leaves above her, just like it had been that day during their camping trip.
Her throat tightened. “Is this…?”
“The first time I sketched you,” Harry finished for her, voice softer than usual. “Back at the campsite.”
Aspen reached out, her fingers barely grazing the page as she stared at it, taking in every detail. “You… you drew this back then?” Her voice was breathy, almost disbelieving.
Harry chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah. You just… I dunno, you looked so peaceful sitting there. I couldn’t help it.”
Aspen’s chest ached in the best way possible. She turned the page, revealing another sketch of her—this one of her standing by Zayn’s car, arms crossed, deep in thought. And then another of her sitting at the tattoo shop, nose buried in a book, oblivious to everything around her. There were so many.
Page after page, she found herself staring at different versions of herself through Harry’s eyes. Some were quick, rough sketches, as if he had drawn them in a hurry before the image slipped from his mind. Others were detailed, shaded with such care that they looked almost lifelike.
She swallowed thickly, emotions swelling in her chest as she reached another drawing—one that looked fresher, the graphite still bold and untouched by time. It was her, curled up on the couch, wearing the oversized hoodie she had stolen from Harry the other night.
“I drew that one a couple nights ago,” Harry admitted, watching her reaction closely. “Couldn’t sleep.”
Aspen’s fingers trembled slightly as she turned to face him. “You never told me,” she whispered.
Harry held her gaze, his usual cocky demeanor slipping into something more vulnerable. “Didn’t think I needed to,” he murmured. “You’re just… always on my mind, I guess.”
Aspen’s heart stuttered in her chest. The weight of his words settled deep in her bones, making it hard to breathe for a moment. She didn’t know what to say, so instead, she reached out and laced her fingers through his, squeezing his hand in silent understanding.
Harry let out a breath and flipped to the back of the sketchbook. “That’s not the only thing I’ve been working on,” he admitted, flipping past a few blank pages before stopping at something else entirely.
Aspen frowned slightly, eyes narrowing as she realized it wasn’t another sketch—it was handwriting. Lyrics.
She tilted her head, reading the words on the page.
"Sweet creature, had another talk about where it’s going wrong… but we’re still young, we don’t know where we’re going, but we know where we belong…”
Aspen’s breath hitched. She looked up at him, wide-eyed. “Harry… this is—”
Harry cut her off with a nervous chuckle, rubbing his jaw. “Yeah, I’ve been dabbling with the guitar,” he admitted. “Words just kinda… flow sometimes.”
Aspen traced the title with her fingertips, her heart swelling at the sight of it. Sweet Creature.
“It’s about me, isn’t it?” she asked quietly, already knowing the answer.
Harry smirked, but there was a softness behind it. “Who else would it be about?”
Aspen bit her lip, a deep warmth spreading through her chest. She wanted to ask him to play it for her, but something about the way he was looking at her—like he wasn’t quite ready to share it completely—made her hold back.
Instead, she turned the page, revealing another song title scribbled onto the next sheet.
"Meet Me in the Hallway."
Aspen’s brows knitted together as she read through the lyrics, the weight of the words pressing down on her chest. There was something haunting about them, something aching, as if each line bled with regret. The melody was absent, but she could feel it in the rhythm of the syllables, in the spaces between the words where silence spoke just as loudly.
Her fingers traced over the ink, eyes scanning over the phrase again and again.
"Just let me know I'll be at the door, at the door Hoping you'll come around Just let me know I'll be on the floor, on the floor Maybe we'll work it out..."
She swallowed thickly, the lump in her throat making it hard to speak. “This one feels…” she trailed off, trying to pinpoint the exact emotion clawing at her chest.
Harry, who had been watching her reaction closely, answered before she could. His voice was quiet, low. “Guilty?”
Aspen’s head snapped up, and when their eyes met, she understood immediately. This wasn’t just a song. It was them.
It was all the nights she had spent wondering what she had done wrong, why he had looked at her like she was both too much and not enough all at once. It was every moment he had pushed her away despite the way his body betrayed him, lingering too close, brushing against her like he couldn't help himself.
It was the space he had put between them, and the silence that had suffocated her when she hadn't understood why.
Aspen’s chest tightened, her fingers curling around the edge of the sketchbook. She had never asked him about those days, about why he had acted the way he had. Some part of her had been too afraid of the answer.
And yet, here it was—laid bare in ink and paper, more honest than he had ever been aloud.
“Harry…” Her voice was barely above a whisper.
He shook his head, exhaling through his nose as he ran a hand through his curls. “I know,” he murmured, his eyes flickering away for a second before coming back to her. “I fucked up back then.”
Aspen sucked in a shaky breath. “You don’t have to—”
“I want to,” Harry cut in, firmer this time. His jaw tensed, his fingers gripping the fabric of his jeans. “I need to. Because I know how I treated you before, and I don’t ever want you t'think for a second that it was because of you.”
Aspen’s heart twisted painfully in her chest. She searched his face, her own emotions threatening to overwhelm her. She had spent so long convincing herself that she had imagined the tension, that she had misread the way his eyes had lingered on her, the way he had always seemed to fight against something when he was near her.
And now, hearing him say it outright, the confirmation was almost too much.
“I don’t think that anymore,” she admitted, her voice soft, reassuring. “Not now.”
Harry let out a slow breath, his shoulders dropping as if he had been holding onto something heavy for too long. His fingers inched toward hers, hesitant at first, until Aspen reached for him on her own, closing the distance.
His skin was warm, rough at the fingertips, and yet he held her hand with a gentleness that made her chest ache.
Aspen studied him for a long moment, taking in the little signs of his discomfort—the way his knee bounced slightly, the way his thumb rubbed absentmindedly over her knuckles, as if grounding himself. She could see the vulnerability in his face, the unspoken weight behind his words.
Slowly, a small smile pulled at her lips. “I think it’s beautiful,” she murmured. “Both of them.”
Harry’s eyes flickered up to meet hers, searching for any trace of dishonesty. “Yeah?”
Aspen nodded. “Yeah.”
For a second, he just stared at her, and then something in him seemed to settle. His grip on her hand tightened ever so slightly, and a small, genuine smile spread across his lips.
He exhaled a quiet chuckle, shaking his head. “Didn’t plan on showing you these t'day,” he admitted, a hint of sheepishness creeping into his tone.
Aspen squeezed his hand, her heart swelling with something deep and warm. “I’m glad you did.”
They sat there, fingers intertwined, the sketchbook still resting between them like a silent bridge to all the things they had never said. And for the first time in a long time, neither of them felt the need to fill the silence.
Because for once, it wasn’t heavy. It wasn’t suffocating.
It was simply them.
A quiet stillness settled between them, warm and familiar, as Aspen gently traced the edges of the sketchbook with her fingertips. The weight of everything they had just shared lingered in the air, unspoken yet understood. Harry, still holding her hand, let his thumb lazily graze over her knuckles, grounding himself in the moment. He wasn’t sure if it was the intimacy of her learning about his songs, or if it was simply the way she looked at him—like he was something good, something worth knowing—but a sense of peace washed over him.
Without thinking, he shifted closer, slipping his arm around her waist and pulling her into his side. Aspen let out a quiet breath of surprise but didn’t resist, instinctively tucking herself against him. Her cheek pressed softly against his shoulder, and Harry relished the feeling of her fitting so perfectly against him.
For a moment, they sat like that, just breathing in each other’s presence.
Then, Harry tilted his head down, brushing his lips against her temple. It was slow, lingering, like he wanted to imprint himself into her skin. “Didn’t know how much I needed this,” he murmured, voice low and thick with something tender.
Aspen smiled, her fingers finding the hem of his sleeve and lightly toying with the fabric. “Needed what?” she asked softly.
Harry pressed another kiss against her hair, his lips barely leaving her skin as he whispered, “You. Just you, sugar.”
Aspen felt her chest tighten in the best way, a warmth spreading through her limbs at his words. She turned slightly in his hold, looking up at him with those soft, doe-like eyes of hers. The affection in them made something deep in his chest clench, a feeling so strong it nearly stole his breath.
Without hesitation, he leaned in, capturing her lips in a slow, lazy kiss. It wasn’t rushed or filled with desperation—it was something deeper, something sweeter. His lips moved against hers with a careful kind of reverence, as if every kiss was meant to tell her all the things he struggled to put into words.
Aspen sighed against his mouth, her hand sliding up to rest against his chest, fingers curling slightly into his shirt. She felt his heartbeat beneath her palm—steady, strong, real.
Harry couldn’t help but smile into the kiss, pulling her impossibly closer. “God, you’re somethin’ else,” he muttered between kisses, voice hushed like he was speaking a secret only for her.
Aspen’s cheeks warmed, and she buried her face against his neck, a quiet giggle escaping her lips. “You always say that.”
Harry chuckled, nuzzling against her. “’Cause it’s true.”
She hummed in response, her fingers drawing small patterns against his chest. The silence stretched again, but it wasn’t awkward or uncertain. It was filled with the quiet kind of love that didn’t need to be spoken to be felt.
But then Harry, feeling the way she melted into him, feeling the way her presence made everything better, suddenly had the overwhelming urge to say it out loud.
The words formed on his tongue before he could second-guess himself.
“I love you.”
Aspen stiffened slightly against him, her breath catching.
Harry felt his heart stutter, a rare flicker of nervousness crawling up his spine. He hadn’t planned on saying it—not yet, not now—but the moment had felt too right to hold it back. And now, waiting for her response, he felt completely, utterly exposed.
Aspen slowly pulled back just enough to look up at him, her wide eyes searching his face as if trying to determine if she had heard him correctly.
Harry held her gaze, unwavering. He didn’t regret saying it. Harry was more so nervous if he had said it too soon, or if it was too much right now.
Aspen’s lips parted slightly, her throat working as she swallowed. She looked so soft—so pure in the way she was taking in his words, like she wanted to tuck them away somewhere safe.
Then, almost shyly, she ducked her head, her cheeks turning a shade of pink that made Harry’s chest tighten. Her fingers played with the hem of his sleeve again, fidgeting. And then, in the quietest, sweetest voice, she whispered, “I love you too.”
Harry swore his heart stopped for a second.
A slow, breathy chuckle left his lips, pure relief flooding through him. “Yeah?” he murmured, tipping her chin up so she had no choice but to look at him again.
Aspen nodded, still impossibly shy, but her eyes held no hesitation. “Yeah.”
Harry felt something shift inside him, something settle. He leaned down, pressing another lingering kiss to her lips, his grip around her tightening like he never wanted to let go.
“Sweetest thing,” he whispered against her mouth.
Aspen smiled against his lips, and when they pulled away, she nestled back into his side, her fingers tracing absentminded shapes against his arm.
They stayed like that, wrapped up in each other, hearts steady and full.
And for the first time in a long time, Harry felt like he was exactly where he was meant to be.
#harry styles#fanfic#one direction#zayn malik#niall horan#fanfiction#wattpad fanfiction#wattpad#louis tomlinson#harry styles fanfiction#smut#harry smut#harry styles smut#harry styles fluff#harry styles writing
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Adam laughed as he exited the party, waving to a few of the guests. In all of his years in Heaven, he never thought he'd enjoy parties. That's not saying Heaven didn't have any, but they were very different fmto the ones in Hell. Alcohol definitely wasn't allowed. But Adam won't lie. He enjoyed being drunk, it was unlike anything he's ever experienced.
He could do without the hangover, though.
Tonight, he was able to get out of his head and stop worrying about Steve and Lucifer. And his meeting with Asmodeus tomorrow where he finds out where on Earth he'll be going. That's if he even gets there. He wasn't too sure if Ozzie's plan for putting a different "mispelled" name would work. Lucifer's an idiot, but he's not THAT stupid.
Adam sighed and wrapped his arms around himself as he walked back to Verosika's house. He could feel that anxiety prickling at his skin. That worry flooding back. After everything he did to get rid of it, it comes back like Adam didn't just spend nearly six hours getting wasted.
Adam: Fuck me...
Speaking of, he didn't even get laid. He was still getting used to this "needing sex for energy" thing, but he just doesn't feel like it.
Adam's been away from Steve for nearly a week, and he could feel the need pulsing through him. He could ignore it for now, but hopefully, he would be on earth before it becomes unbearable.
Sighing, Adam looks around, watching other hellborn do their thing. Stumbling out of bars, singing loudly with their friends as they walk down the street, lining up outside food vendors.
He hoped that one day, his life would be normal like that. A day where he'd have no worries, he wouldn't be scared to go out, afraid of who he would run into.
Groaning as his stomach grumbled, he decided a good meal should help with the anxiety. At least, he hoped.
-
Adam: WHAT?!
Ozzie sighed as he placed the paper back on his desk: I'm sorry, Adam-.
Adam: Declined?! He declined it?! He- I thought you said he's never declined an application before!
Ozzie pinched the brow of his nose. He fucking talked to Lucifer about this, he was only going to drive Adam away. And even the Sin could tell he was struggling down here.
Ozzie: He doesn't. He hasn't... stupid bastard... he's an idiot, babe. Look. You don't want to be here, I understand-.
Adam covered his face with his hands: It's not that- I just... my manager... I was hoping to get away from him, too. And now... I'm fucking stuck here.
Ozzie: Your manager?
Adam nodded: He's been... close to finding me. I can't hide at Ver's place forever. She has her own shit to do. I'll have to go back to-.
Shaking, Adam couldn't finish his sentence before he started crying. He was terrified to go back to Steve to see him again.
Ozzie: Oh, darling.
Adam cried more when he felt himself be softly embraced and pulled into a warm hug. He just wanted this to be over. He was trapped in Heaven, and just when he was finding himself in Hell, Steve took advantage of his new freedom. And now, Charlie, Vaggie, and Nifty just HAD to tell Lucifer about him. So now, he has two crazy assholes on his ass.
Ozzie: I'm so sorry, Adam. Really. I am.
Adam: I-It's o-ok-okay-.
Ozzie: No, it's not. You're the first man. The commander of the exorcists. Nothing should scare you. But you're petrified. You're in my ring, Adam. You're one of my people now, and you know what? I like you. Really. You're an interesting person, and the Lust Ring could really benefit from having you here.
Adam slowly looked up at Ozzie: R-Really?
Ozzie smiled: Really. I want to help you, Adam. There's five other rings in Hell. All of them filled with the horniest fuckers ever born. I'll help you set yourself up somewhere else. Or, if you like Lust, I'll employ you.
Adam: Employ me? What does that mean?
Ozzie: You can still do your shows, or you could sing at my bars. And get all of the sex your heart desires. And be paid, of course~.
Adam: A... bar singer...?
Ozzie: I know it may seem like a downgrade, but their all very fancy. Trust me. I only ask one thing in return.
Adam: What's that?
Ozzie smiled: Of you're comfortable, I'd love for you to model some sex toys for me. All for advertisement, of course. You're a very attractive man, Adam. And you need to be seen. But of course, all of this is only with your consent, even if you say no, I'd love for you to sing and perform at my establishments.
Adam thought about for a moment: ...Okay. I'll do it.
He smiled up at Ozzie, who smiled back: I'll write your contract up then. I'll have my receptionist bring you in when it's ready.
Leaving the room, Adam felt a wash was relief. He was finally doing something that he was actually excited about. He's never performed in front of a small crowd before, but he was willing to do anything to make a name for himself, his way.
That didn't mean he didn't want to kill Lucifer for declining his application, but he was ready for this next step. He didn't need Steve, and he sure as hell didn't need Lucifer.
Succubus au
@beef-brisket
@fanofstuff01
(This au was originally on @things-aren't-what-they-seem66blog and was originally thought of by an anonymous ask)
The roaring of the crowd and the playing of his guitar deafened his ears but the incubus didn't care. He loved the way they cheered his name while he shredded on his axe. With one final strum, his song was done. He raised his arms and gave the horns, to which his fans reciprocated, and bid them all goodnight. He walked away his hands still raised until he was out of sight from them. Adam sighed heavily and wiped the sweat with his forearm as he made his way to his dressing room.
Once there he flopped onto the couch and groaned. Though Adam loved being a rockstar and having adoring fans, he wouldn't lie to himself, each performance, especially concerts, can be quite draining since he always had to prepare with mic checks and making sure he sounded right. Steve, his producer/manager/on-and-off-again fling, always assured him that these were mandatory. Just one of those sacrifices that come with being a star. Still, Adam felt a little like shit and he needed a drink, a hard one. Unfortunately, his evening wasn't quite over yet as knocking was heard from the other side of the door then a voice called out.
Assistant: Excuse me? Commander? I'm sorry for bothering you but I brought the VIP guests here with me.
Adam sighed completely forgetting about that. Almost all VIPs get access to meet him after every show. Though he loved his fans coming to him and saying how much they loved him, maybe even getting some head from the older crowd, tonight, he didn't want to. However, he knew that he didn't have much of a choice. Unless he wanted Steve up his ass, and not in a good way. Letting out a long groan he sat up, rubbed his eyes, and yelled out to her.
Adam: Bring them in.
He closed his eyes and sighed once again as he heard the door open and feet shuffle in. He prepared himself for the immediate responses of squealing and clamoring over to shake his hand. However, he was not prepared for a familiar voice to call out his name.
Charlie: A, Adam?
He opened his eyes and standing in front of him were Charlie, Vaggie, and a one-eyed sinner.
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Peter Parker Meets The Batfam
As seen on wattpad here and inspired by this post
A little one-shot that might have a p2 coming (ignore any inaccuracies with the batfam I had too many people I wanted to add and may have gotten confused. Oops)
Peter
I land hard on a rooftop, staring up at the gray sky in front of me. A shiver runs down my spine as I sit up, looking around. I don't recognize the skyline, the buildings are wrong, the sky is too gray for New York, not with the August sunshine we had less than two minutes ago.
"Strange?" I call out, careful not to be too loud. I know he was trying to get that cube— where did he send me? "Karen, where am I?" I'm met with silence as my heart speeds up. "Karen?" I do everything to bring her up to no avail. Did Strange figure out a way to disable her? No, he doesn't want me dead or lost— he just wanted me to stop. He knows Karen controls aspects of my suit and everything, he wouldn't disable her on purpose, right?
Okay, Peter. Think.
You're in a strange city, your AI is down, you have no idea where you are. What do you do? Go to a gas station and ask where you are. Wait no— I'm in the suit. I don't have to go to a gas station, I can just walk up to someone, everyone knows who I am. They'll assume that a bad guy got me lost.
I swing down from the rooftop and land in the street. Weird, not a lot of people out and about.
"Now what the shit is this?"
"Oh thank God I'm still in America—" I sigh and turn towards the cop. "Officer!" I walk towards him. "Excuse me, sorry, I was just in Manhattan fighting— and I seem to be lost— where am I?"
"...Gotham City."
"Fantastic— what state am I in? Is New York close to that?" He raises his eyebrow, reaching for his radio.
"Dick, you're gonna wanna see this." I smile awkwardly even though he can't see my mouth. Karen isn't working, and therefore the controls of my suit aren't either. "You don't know where Gotham is?"
"Uh— sir, you're city is very beautiful, but I attended public school, my geography isn't great, and I'm a little preoccupied trying to get back to the fight—"
"You've never even heard of Gotham?"
"Again, sir, I'm very sorry—"
"Okay, whats going on?" A very tall very muscular officer walks over. He then looks at me. "What the hell?"
"I— I'm so—"
"He says he's never heard of Gotham." The taller one raises his eyebrow.
"Never?"
"Look— I'm so sorry, but I need to get back to Manhattan, I was in the middle of a fight—"
"Who are you?" I blink.
"Who— who am I?" Suddenly I remember why exactly I was fighting Strange. "Oh. Um, I'm sorry, I'll figure it out, didn't mean to bother you, so sorry—" crap crap crap why is my first instinct Oh yay cops will help? I should know better by now—
"Just hold it—" I swing away, illiciting very loud noises of surprise from the two cops.
I end up back on a roof, another roof, and am aware of the trail I am leaving behind. I should stop swinging, so they can't track me. I take a deep breath and reach out with my senses.
"—swinging from webs?? I mean that's kinda cool, to be honest—"
"Just bring him in, be careful. We don't know what he's capable of."
"Yea, Tim. Fan boy later. Catch now."
"I don't know, even with the mask he seemed genuinely confused, like he really had never heard of Gotham."
"Oh, yea, Dick. Every single person on earth has heard of Gotham, if not for our fantastically high crime rates or Batman, then they know Mr. Genius Billionaire Playboy Philanthropist Bruce Wayne—"
"Hey, no government names on the comms."
My blood runs cold. Who the hell is Bruce Wayne and why did they call him that— that's Tony. That's Tony. This... this is wrong, nobody else should be called that— not even as a joke.
I take a breath. Calm down, Peter. You've got this. You can do this.
Orange light washes over me and I look up, seeing Dr Strange looking down at me.
"Strange!" I attempt to swing back through the portal but my web fizzles and falls.
"Enjoy your new universe, Peter. I'll be back in a year to check on you."
"Dr— STRANGE!" I yell as the portal closes. My hair stands on end as I'm surrounded by seven masked forms.
"Who are you?" One in a blue mask asks. I recognize him as both one of the cops from earlier, and the one who was saying I seemed confused. He's also the one called Dick. Full name must be Richard.
"I could ask you the same, Dick." He clearly falters, and the others tense. I think back to his uniform.
"Name calling is going to get you nowhere."
"You think I'm joking, Grayson?" That gets him to freeze. "Should I go down the line?" Please don't call my bluff please don't call my bluff please for the love of whatever do not call my bluff—
"Nightwing, you know this... thing?"
"... you really don't know who I am?" Strange said new universe. I don't know what I was expecting. "Spider-Man? I-I'm an Avenger? America's Favorite Avenger—"
"If this is some sort of weird power trip, like you think you're the greatest supervillain ever—"
"Villain?" I turn to the voice I recognize to be the one called Tim. "I'm not a villain!"
"Exactly what a villain would say." I look around, frantic.
"You have to believe me— I— the Avengers? Tony Stark? Nothing?" They all look to each other. I sink to my knees. "You don't have the Avengers. You don't have... anything." I hear static before a female voice begins speaking in their comms.
"I've got nothing on a Spider-Man, Tony Stark, or the Avengers."
"Of course you don't." They all stare at me as I sigh. "My name is Peter Parker. And I'm in the wrong universe."
"Okay, let's get that mask off and get you to a hospital—"
"Good luck getting my mask off, and I'm not going to a hospital. I need a computer. I have—"
"What do you mean, is your mask glued to your face?"
"No, Tim." He freezes. "It's nanotech. My AI controls it but because I'm in a different universe she doesn't work. I need a computer so I can fix her and then she can help me figure out interdimensional travel."
"How do you know our names?" The blonde girl asks.
"You should listen when your boss tells you not to use your government names on your comms."
"You hacked our comms?" I look at the one who looks like redskull but... less.
"No, I'm a superhuman. I heard you, literally."
"You... hacked our comms?" Dick says again.
"No, I— I didn't— I heard you— I have superhuman hearing?" I look around at them all. I sigh and listen closely. What can I hear... "I hear... something... or... no, someone running towards us? About... two hundred and fifty pounds? Something is flapping behind it— he's about a minute away based on his speed."
"How can you—"
"I told you, superhuman. Sort of. I—" I look at them, sizing them up. No, lifting one of them is probably going to get me attacked. I don't need that. They're not really setting off my gut, I don't feel bad about them. What can I do... I look around. "Ah!" I go over to a giant conveniently placed building air conditioning unit and lift it with one hand. "See? Superhuman. And three, two—" I point as a giant cloaked man appears. I was right, about two fifty. Mostly muscle.
"Meta." The smallest one mumbles. What the hell does that mean?
"Batman, he—"
"I heard." He narrows his eyes beneath his mask.
"Batman?" I say. "You really died on that hill?" Suddenly, my body feels heavy. Weak. "Crap—" I lean against the air conditioning unit.
"Are you alright, kid—"
"Don't call me that." I snap. "The only person who was allowed to call me that is dead— except no he isn't. He's in a different universe— god Mr. Stark, I wish you were here." I mumble that last part, it wasn't for anyone here. It was for him. "I'm fine, I'm just exhausted. I've been fighting an interdimensional sorcerer for like six hours and then I got dumped here, forgive me if I'm a bit tired." The man, Batman, nods.
"Alright, let's get you back to the cave. We can take a look and get that mask off so you can breathe better."
"My suit has a built in—" I stop. "No it doesn't, because Karen is down. Nevermind."
"Karen?"
"My AI. Do you have AI in this universe? Do you have computers—"
"Let's just... focus on you, okay?"
They all take me back to a giant tower.
"Bats, are we sure this is a good idea?" I hear Dick ask.
"He's a kid. He's scared and confused, not unlike how I met most of you. He thinks he's from a different universe, we—"
"I don't think I'm from a different universe, I am. And I'm not scared." They all stare at me again.
"When did you... gain the ability—"
"I was bit by a radioactive spider."
"Oh, metahuman." I furrow my brows.
"You call supers metahumans in this universe?"
"... you call them supers?" I nod.
"Well, sometimes. Other times they have a species."
"Like what?" I look at the blonde girl. I wish I knew all of their names.
"Well, my... kind of coworker Bruce got himself exposed to radiation and can shapeshift into a giant rage monster. I think he's got it under control now, but he accidentally exposed his cousin to it and now she can kinda do the same thing. Then there is Thor and Loki, they're just... gods, so, entirely different species there. Then there is Captain America, he is a super soldier, he was genetically modified to fight nazis. Bucky was also modified except he was modified by the soviets. And then we have uhhh Carol Danvers, she was modified by alien tech, and Natasha is just a trained assassin from... also the soviets? But yea, we're superheroes, so we're superhuman. What, are you guys metaheroes?"
"Vigilantes."
"Okay, moment of transparency, I know two of your names. I don't think it's a good idea for me to keep calling you by your government names while you're in the suit, so... what do I call you guys?"
"Nightwing."
"Redhood." Redskull looking guy.
"Red Robin." Tim.
"Spoiler." Blondie.
"Robin." Tiny one.
"Blackbat." The other girl, I can't see any of her skin or hair.
"Cat Girl." Short red hair and honestly comically large ears attached to her mask.
"And the girl on the comms?"
"... Signal." Dick, aka Nightwing, tells me. I look at Batman.
"And you're Batman. Great. I'm Spider-Man." My hair stands on end as two more figures approach from the sky. I tense before realizing that my new found... allies seem unfazed.
"Wonder Woman, Superman. This is Spider-Man. He says he's from a different universe and he can't get his suit off."
"You don't believe me, fine, I wouldn't believe it either. Is there a mind reader in this universe? Truth serum? Anything?" Everyone looks to Wonder Woman.
"I can use the Lasso of Truth."
"Perfect, hit me." She very carefully undoes the holster and a giant golden lasso unfolds. She takes my arms and ties it gently around them. It tingles.
"Who are you?"
"My name is Peter Benjamin Parker. I am a junior at Midtown School Of Science And Technology. I am Spider-Man, the vigilante hero turned Avenger after fighting Thanos in the Battle of Titan where I, along with half of the world's population, blipped. After coming back, I became a full-fledged Avenger." Everyone shares look.
"How did you get here?" She asks.
"A villain named Mysterio leaked my identity to the whole world and got me labeled as a terrorist. In my effort to fix things, I went to Doctor Strange, a sorcerer and fellow Avenger for help. He had a spell that could essentially turn back the clock and erase my identity from people's minds. I didn't want to go back to hiding things from my loved ones, so I asked for them to be excluded, but I accidentally broke the spell box and brought villains from other universes into my own. I discovered that the villains were misunderstood and hurting, and I am determined to save them from dying in their own universe. Doctor Strange did not like that and throw me here as a time-out. He said he'd back in a year." Wonder Woman nods.
"I see. Anybody else have questions?"
"How do you know our names?" I sigh.
"I told you. I have incredibly keen senses I could hear you all talking on your comms when you were chasing me."
"How did you come into your abilities?"
"Radioactive spider. Again. I already said this. Now can you please point me towards a computer?"
#marvel#dc#dceu#batfam#ironfam#spiderson#batkids#crossover#mcu#dceu fandom#mcu fanfic#mcu fandom#dceu fanfic#peter parker#bruce wayne#dick grayson#jason todd
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A female Y/N / Cillian fic. (Part Two)
Absolutely not based on anything real at all, all totally fictional, fanciful, and is all total bollocks.
Warnings for sexual references and language. Adult themes, so not really designed for under 18s but not overly graphic.
We Got Issues
Part Two: Y/N's anxiety over Cillian's revelation breeds further fears, reigniting her concerns regarding how they'd got together in the first place. She tells him, and he placates, but is it enough?
@remembering-angels @dragonsneversharetheirtreasure
Very brief proofreading, apologies for obvious typos.
........
You give up trying to sleep and reach for your phone on the nightstand. It's six thirty and you know Cillian has a call at eight with Steven Knight, regarding the upcoming filming and associated work for the next branch of the Peaky Blinders franchise. You also know he hasn't come up the stairs at all, but then you had warned him off with a sincerely bitter tone. You drag down the notification bar at the top and see Cillian's name - Cill, not Cillian - and the first line of a text message he's sent to you at some point. You don't remember your phone even vibrating to signal it arriving, but when you open it the time stamp says five am. You scan your eyes over the lengthy message and consider ignoring it completely. It's like a novella, and you know it's filled with apologies and justifications, and your heart beats a little quicker for a moment. You breathe deeply inward through your nose and sigh it out slowly as you go back to the beginning of the message. The first words are in Irish, and you smile a little as you bite your bottom lip.
‘Mo ghrá - if I had even thought it would hurt you in any way to have talked to Yvonne in that way, then I wouldn't have done it. You know I don't want to hurt you. I'm sorry I didn't talk to you sooner, it wasn't a conscious thing. And talking to her wasn't a conscious thing either, it just sort of came out as we were talking. She was telling me about how things are with Adam and I suppose it just came out…’
You frown and draw your lips to the side in thought. He rarely mentioned Adam, Yvonne's partner of one year. You don't know what his real feelings are surrounding her moving on in that way, but you know he envies the time Adam spends with the boys. Mostly, thought, you consider that you could entirely see his point. How many times have you been talking with girlfriends and had a moan about an argument you and Cillian had? You feel the heavy pull of guilt turning in your gut as you continue to read his text message.
‘... What I mean is that I'm sorry. I'm sorry I waited when I knew I felt differently. I know it's hurt you. I don't want that, I don't want to hurt you. When you wake up, and see this, come downstairs and just talk to me like it's all okay so I know that you know and feel that it IS all okay. I love you, Y/N.’
You place your phone face down against your stomach and stare up at the ceiling. You're allowed to feel hurt and you grant yourself that, but you know overwhelmingly that you don't want him to feel like he has to spend his life apologising to you either. You've made your own mistakes, many of them, and after talking he always forgives you. You know it's your place to drop your anxieties now and allow him the grace he's so often shown you. You sigh, and capture your phone in your hand again as you sit up and throw back the duvet. The place doesn't feel so cold now, and you get out of bed and pull on your favourite comfortable joggers and a t-shirt. You push your phone into your pocket then run your hands through your hair to neaten it slightly. Slipping your feet into the Ugg slippers you habitually leave by the armchair in the corner of the room, you glance at yourself in the mirror beside it. You look tired - your eyes have darkened rings beneath them, mixed with the redness of your waterline from crying off and on, and you're sure you look like you've been smacked about a bit. You feel exhausted, and can think of only two things you want to do now: drink coffee, and hold him.
You move slowly and quietly down the stairs, your hands on the wall for stability as you move, and you step down into the open living space. Looking down at the kitchen, you can see his mug and book are still on the island, and his glasses and earphones are piled on top of the closed book. It takes a second to find him; curled into the corner of the L-shaped sofa, in the far left corner from the stairs. He has the thick navy throw from the back of the couch pulled up over him and his head is resting on one of the many scatter cushions. You smile - he hates those fucking cushions! His phone is on the sofa cushion a little further up from his head and the television is on at a low volume, playing to itself now on Sky News. You decide to swallow your pride immediately, rather than waiting, and you walk towards the sofa slowly. Crouching down onto the balls of your feet, you lean your face in close to his and kiss the wrinkles of his sleepy frown that are settled in the bridge of his nose. Part of him will hate you for this, you know; sleep and Cillian are twins never to be separated! When his brows don't even twitch at your lips, you smirk as you kiss him again, laughing a little as you draw back your face from him, finally having received a response, and watch him as he slowly pulls from his sleep. Cillian's face switches through a throng of emotions before his eyes even open and you laugh to yourself once again, listening as he grumbles in time with stretching his body out and slowly draws his eyelids open.
He hums and grants you a sleepy smile, and with a croaky, sleep-infused voice he says your name before his mouth drags wide with an exhausted yawn. He licks his lips, and fixes his tired eyes on you with more focus than you were expecting, considering you'd rudely interrupted what you knew to be pressure little sleep. “Y’alright?” He asks huskily.
Still crouching before him, your hands resting on the sofa cushion for balance, you nod your head with a soft smile. “Are you?” You ask. You ensure you keep your tone light and loving. You feel how you feel, but you know you can't keep the fight going because of your anxiety constantly reminding you of how your relationship started.
He draws down the corners of his mouth and slowly sits up, his legs swinging down beside where you're perched, and he keeps the throw pulled over his waist. He looks at you with his head tilted slightly, and beneath the exhaustion you can see his sweetness, and the endearing way his tired eyes are still trying to shine. “I am if you are.” He says finally. He sits forward and places his left hand against your face, fingers brushing into your hair and over your ear, and his palm gently cupping your cheek. “We’ll have tea, yeah?” he says, a sudden cheeky smile pushing his cheeks high on their sharp edges, and you find it impossible not to smile back.
“If you're making it,” you tease him, cupping your fingers around his wrist. You turn your head in his light hold and kiss your lips softly against his palm before you slowly begin to stand up straight.
“Fuck off!” He smirks, watching as you get to your feet. “I'm only after waking up.”
You laugh as you turn your back on him, approaching the kitchen with slow steps, “So what? You think I haven't seen you prancing around the kitchen with morning glory before now?” The sound of his light, melodic laugh makes you smile, even more so as he refutes ever being a man who prances, and does go a long way to putting out the fires inside, but it's still there in the back of your mind. You punish yourself for it, rightly or wrongly, but you can't shift it. Why speak to her? Of all people! Not that you disliked her for any particular reason; she'd never been overly nice, but she was courteous enough when the boys were dropped between houses, especially considering how you and Cillian had behaved. But why did he call her? Why not his brother? Why not Eileen, or Tom seeing as they'd remained close from their numerous projects together? Why did it have to be Yvonne?! But the hardest thought to shift was whether or not it had been more than just talking, whether he'd returned to her in other ways. You try your hardest to keep it down, knowing he wants you to forgive him and knowing you probably should, but it's hard and you feel your heart racing and that terrible feeling of impending doom as your anxiety amps up.
You feel his arms wrap around you from behind and, standing at the sink with the kettle, intending to fill it but lost in your head, and you startle at his sudden presence. His arms snake around your waist, holding you tightly, and his rests his chin down on your left shoulder. “How's this for prancing?” He whispers seductively, his voice still husky from sleep but slowly lifting, and he turns his head to press a kiss into the bend of your jaw. His entire body is pushed into your back, and the smell of his skin fills your nose. He smells of comfort, of home, of languid sex, of Friday night Chinese takeaways on the sofa and a bottle of wine that becomes three… You allow him to pull you back against him a little, and you can feel his breaths against your neck. He's comforting, and soft and warm, but your heart still beats wildly and there's a question on your tongue that you're desperate to ask but you know it'll launch a bomb. He has work to do soon, you can't cause problems, but your body aches with fear, and uncertainty, and you feel like crying. “Are we watering the drains, or are you filling that kettle?” He teases, drawing back his head but keeping his arms around your waist. “G’on and sit down,” he says, finally removing his arms, and takes the kettle from you. He jerks his head away towards the living room. “I'll make the tea. You want tea?” He checks, “Or coffee?”
You move from the sink slowly, pushing as convincing a smile to your lips as you can, as he moves closer to the sink himself and finally gets the kettle filled with water. “Um, uh,” you stumble your words, “Coffee.”
He glances over at you as he turns off the tap, “Are y'alright?’ he frowns, concerned.
You push the smile back into your expression once again, forcing it brighter. “Fine.” you say, and it's on the tip of your tongue to ask the question you barely dare considering. “Just tired.” You lie, and climb into one of the stools at the island. You watch him as he places the kettle on the stand to boil, and occupies himself with collecting mugs. “Is, eh, is Steven calling you or do you have to call through to him?” You ask, needing conversation so there are words other than those in your mind.
“Ah, he'll be doing the inviting on Zoom there,” he says with his back to you, then peeks over his shoulder and smiles before turning back to his task. “I'm sure he said he's Sophie and Packy in this one too.”
You smile gently - you'd met Sophie a few times and you'd enjoyed one another's company, and Packy was so easy to get along with, oozing charm. “Packy’s home in Ireland?” You ask. Nodding his head, Cillian inhales as he whispers yes to your question. “And the call is at eight?” You ask, even though you hadn't forgotten at all.
“It is, yeah,” Cillian looks up at you just as the kettle boils and the switch flicks back up noisily. “What sort of coffee?” He asks.
“Whichever you put your hand to first,” you reply, shrugging your shoulders. “Are the boys still having dinner here today?” You ask, realising in your tiredness and emotional unrest that it is still Sunday and, usually, the boys would have dinner with you and their father.
“Aran is, yeah,” Cillian nods as he fills both mugs from the kettle. Setting it back down onto the stand, he looks back at you once again. “Malachy’s away at the girlfriend’s for dinner.” He smiles.
You smile at his amused expression and raise your eyebrows. “Am I picking Aran up from Yvonne's?”
“Ah no, sure I'll go for him after I've finished with Steven.” He says, noisily stirring a teaspoon around in your coffee mug. “Bainne?” He asks and you smile once again, loving when he throws odd Irish words into conversation.
“A drop.” You answer quietly. A moment later he's sitting on the stool beside you, mug of tea before him, and you wrap your hands around the coffee mug he'd placed in front of you. It's quiet, and while it's mostly a comfortable silence that's fallen, your burning question is still begging to be asked. But he has work this morning, and Aran is coming…you're torturing yourself not asking, but you'd ruin the entire day if you utter the words that are frightening you after his earlier revelations.
“Will you tell me what's going round your head?” He says, and you realise you'd drifted into your mind entirely. You blink slowly and fix your eyes on his face. His eyebrows are raised, and his pouty lips are pulled down at the sides in questioning.
You breathe in deeply and shake your head. “I can't.” You say and he frowns at you instantly. “It'll ruin everything.”
“Y/N?” Cillian tilts his head slightly and you feel like crying. “Isn't it me not talking that caused this fucking row?” He points out. “Tell me, for fucks sake.” He tries to sound jovial but you can see the nervousness that causes the bridge of his nose to wrinkle.
“I'm scared,” you admit and he raises his eyebrows just a little.
“About?” He coaxes when you offer nothing more for a moment.
You lick your lips quickly and sigh. “That my fears are reality.”
“What fears?” He asks, and he reaches between you to rest his hand against your arm laid out on the countertop before you.
“That you talking about personal stuff with us, to Yvonne, is more than just talking.” You say, and you tense up as he immediately draws his hand back from your arm. You don't know if it's anger or guilt, but it's something. “That's it…more intimate than that.” You continue, and he gets up from the stool and paces behind it for a few steps. “Cillian?”
“I don't know why you're asking.” He stills and looks at you, “Why'd you even think that? Y/N, this is ridiculous.”
“See,” you say, “I told you it would ruin everything.”
“It hasn't. It won't. But I'm telling you now,” he approaches and cups his hands around your face. “There is nothing for you to worry about. I've told you before now. It's just your anxiety telling you things that aren't true.”
Your eyes are forced to focus on his, and their softness is soothing. “You swear to me, in the time we've been together, you've never been back to her?”
His brow furrows a little, “You have nothing to worry about.” He says with a firm nod to accompany the words. He moves his face closer to yours and presses his lips against yours softly. Holding your face still, he keeps you close. You reach up your hands and curl your fingers around his wrists, sighing gently as he breaks the kiss but rests his forehead to yours. “But we can't keep doing this, going over your same anxiety when it's rooted in nothing.” He lets go of your face and steps back a little.
“I can't help it.” You say, “We snuck around, Cill.”
“Y/N, I hadn't been happy for a while. You came at the right time, that's all.” He smiles and the warmth of his expression relaxes your tense body a little. “Stop waiting for it to go wrong.” He says gently. “It hasn't yet, and I've no intentions of it going wrong as we go forward, either.” He stands looking at you for a minute, just smiling gently, and you eventually find yourself smiling back. The anxiety hasn't gone, that fear over what else might have occurred has not dwindled, but he sounds so loving and sincere that being angry forever isn't possible. “Right,” he claps his hands together then rubs his palms noisily. “I'm away for a shower before this call.” He places both of his hands on your shoulders as he goes to walk past, “Don't be worrying, okay? There's nothing to worry about.”
You sit alone as he disappears up the stairs and wrap your hands around your cooling mug of coffee. But in his absence you feel a resurgence of anxiety. Were you being too picky, or had he avoided actually swearing that he hadn't done anything more? You tell yourself you're being pedantic, that this is ridiculous and he's right - you're just anxious and insecure - but it sits there in the back of your mind and it turns cogs painfully slowly.
#fanfiction#fic#cillian murphy#reader x cillian#reader x cillian murphy#y/n x cillian murphy#y/n x cillian#female reader x cillian#female reader x cillian murphy
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Ah fine I'll post somethin. Experimenting with designs and shit is all I'm doin. Nothin new.
(Not posting the colored in versions yet. These are only concept sketches. Keep that in mind)...
The digital "version" of ^this^ is just some lazy color blocking I did. (Pay no mind to the weird light effects); But it does add a little clarity to the original sketch that might be helpful. Note: the values will change to some degree later.
Full body type idea ^here^. The tail is fan shaped from proper perspective.
The basic blocks of his design include an array of different animal features i.e. plucked feathers and skin, goat horns and eyes, coyote skull and body, and lizard scales. Idk if anyone was curious though;
if anyone asks for more detail in the design inspirations and lore I might share it. I just don't really feel the need to post every part of my process yk (especially if I'm not 100% happy with it)
#Most of the reason I don't post stuff even when I do draw is cause I don't really wanna share it with everyone or it's not ready etc.#Just a personal boundary I guess.#i hope you guys understand#ik my schedule is real wack in gen but it's nothing i can help (currently going through treatments for my condition + other personal things)#plus I'm really terrible at gaging audiences so i have no idea what people want me to post#cause sure i can do silly cartoons but more often than not i like doing detailed stuff like this#though it doesn't tend to get as much attention as memes. that's only expected#but im thinkin about posting more about my ocs (maybe in comic snippets and stuff👉👈)#OH also i am drawing stuff for kids. obviously not this lol but nice cartoony things 👌#probably won't post those aside from maybe actual pages cause the other stuff is just doodles for school kids💀#again. lemme know if that's anything you'd wanna see.#my art blog#my art stuff#my art#my ocs#dulce oc#my oc stuff#sketch#traditional art#digital sketch#concept art#oc concept#(yes this is dulce. don't question it lol. transformation go brrr)#demon oc#demon original character#once in a blue moon posting weeeee#personal stuff#rant in tags#these drawings are from September and October which. ig isn't the WORST timeline but still. not technically new stuff sorry#demon design
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I decided to do this with three sets of my OCs, because I was amused by how different their responses would be!
Little scenes/snippets under the cut! Was very excited to write some stuff for them, especially since the last one is from a setting I haven't thought much about in a while ₍^ >ヮ<^₎
The Knights ❀༊·˚ [scene: alive and well]
"That… Lucien…" Anish falters, eyes stinging as he looks away, takes a deep breath; and finally meets Lucien's eyes again. "You shouldn't be used to it! That's horrible. Your powers… They're incredible. I've always, always been so, so grateful that you developed them to help me. Why… Why would they scorn such a thing?!" He asks, more to the universe than to really get an answer.
"Because they think it makes me weak." Lucien replies, easy and nonchalant, as if he hadn't just shared that their former classmates almost killed him, only a few months after he moved out. Anish's hand shakes as he grips his sword tighter. "You weren't there to take the brunt of it anymore, so their target switched to me. Naturally." Then, he hums as he looks at this rapier, inspecting it closely.
Anish deflates immediately. If only he'd stayed… Then, Lucien wouldn't have had to go through that. He wouldn't have had to find him completely separate from all his peers, young and dumb and prejudiced and unwilling to see the value of a healer on the battlefield instead of on the sidelines, just waiting to patch them up.
"I'm sorry." He murmurs, closing the distance between them and resting his head on his shoulder. Lucien spares him a quick glance then looks back at his rapier; back and forth, back and forth, before he sheathes it with a sigh.
"You needn't be. Father took care of it. I'm alive and well, right?"
Anish stares at the deep cut, scarred, on Lucien's cheek. Thinks to his unrecognizable dead, dead eyes that only lit up when Lucien had recognized who'd invited him to their squad that day, finally prompting Anish to connect the dots. Alive? Yes. Well? Most certainly not. But he will try his best to keep that newly-rekindled spark alive.
"Yes. And I'm so grateful for that." He finally replies, closing his eyes and tucking his head closer into Lucien's neck.
He's so deep in his mind he doesn't notice the other's shiver and blush, nor the soft smile unravelling on his face.
Gossip Trio ❀༊·˚ [scene: unimpressed]
Met with Brittany's unblinking stare, Lowell shifts in place. "What." They bark out, arms crossed.
"So you realized what was going on. Stayed. Had a nasty fight before your break-up. Had other, healthier relationships… And you're still into the guy?"
"I am not into him. Not anymore."
"Yeah sure. You only don't drool every time he comes here to pester us because you'd never give him more ammunition for his huge ego."
Lowell huffs and looks away, but their eyes catch onto soft pink clothes, perfect blond curls and an innocent-looking smile that hides the man's sharpest edges. His soft laugh reaches his ears, like twinkling bells, or the clink of chains doing their best to keep someone captive. Lowell tries not to think about how much hotter he's always looked after they'd make out. They fail.
"Not into him." Brittany scoffs, and goes back to sucking on her lollipop and scrolling through her feed, utterly unimpressed. Those two are another level of messed up she hadn't seen even on her worst exes. Or on herself.
Mecha World ❀༊·˚ [scene: carefree smile]
The boy breathes deeply, staring at their bodies, grip firm on the blast gun in case they move a muscle. His breaths are the only one heard in the room, but he still keeps a close eye. The seconds pass, and they remain still, unmoving on the grass. Finally, he slowly lowers it until it points at the ground.
His frown remains as he turns around, clicking the safety back on and going back towards their car. Its auto-drive could take him back home, but it might also complicate things. Implicate him. So he just takes his bag, puts the gun inside it, checks for anything else of his and starts walking.
To his sister, beside whom he'll finally be able to relax. They won't be able to hurt her anymore. Or him. Or anyone else. They're just cooling corpses, now.
… He'd thought she was safe. He'd thought they'd focused it on him, that her smiles reflected how much more they loved her. He'd been grateful for it. He's so dumb. He needs to do better. He should've noticed sooner that they didn't have a name for her, either. But he can't change the past, and he's changed the future. She'll be able to have a carefree smile. He'll be able to relax. They'll choose their names themselves. They aren't controlled by their parents anymore.
#37 What would your character do if they discovered their sibling/friend was abused?
I know you all have amazing creative juices in you and some amazing characters. This prompt is just for you to have fun and to help you explore your Character in a different setting. I would LOVE to hear what your Characters would do.
#creative writing#original character#oc#ocs#own ocs#ocs: the knights & the guard.🔮・゚✧#ocs: gossip trio.🎀.・゚✧#ocs: mecha world.💥・゚✧#oc: anish.🔮・゚✧#oc: lucien séraphin.🔮・゚✧#oc: brittany.🎀・゚✧#oc: devlin lowell.🎀・゚✧#oc: fauzi.🎀・゚✧#oc: eric.💥・゚✧#oc: emma.💥・゚✧#oc writing
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This christmas continues draining all joy out of me leaving me feeling lazy, uninspired, dysphoric, envious and self-loathing all at once.
I just want to not be bored and tired and hate my guts.
Please, just for one minute.
#I am so tempted just to go to bed now so to end this miserable day#not talking about how much I've already slept for half a week#I feel like all I do rn is eat being moody and sleep#I feel bored yet unmotivated#putting on a brave smile for my mom so she doesn't see#and hating myself for that and for other reasons#I don't like who I see in the mirror rn#I wish I could just get the appointment with the gc doctor already so we can up my testosterone again#I don't like who I am articially either#I don't seem to draw anything great#or that anybody cares enough about what I do as well#looking through the amount of art I've made during the different months is embarrasing#close to nothing of substance since september#together with us now having reached the point I see mistakes in all art I've made as well#pathetic#sorry for the rant in the comments#I really dont know what to do about this mood#do I want a distraction or do I want some purpose back in my every day life?#please no existential crisis before the new year#micahs thoughts
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how and why is there discourse about whether or not certain queer identities exist/if people should be allowed(???) to use them. why is "people know their own identity better than you ever could, and they're the only one who get a say on what they are" such a tough concept to grasp
i think if you find yourself offended by the label someone uses (especially if they're a stranger) or think it invalidates your own, it's a good idea to look inside yourself and question why that may be. more often than not, it's a result of insecurity or uncertainty of your own identity (or many other things, but i won't make a whole list here). whatever reason it is, until you resolve it, you shouldn't take it out on people for having an identity you don't understand
many have said it before but it's worth saying over and over. infighting only helps our oppressors. conservatives don't care if you're a cis gay or a xenogender aegosexual aplatonic lesbian, they hate all of us either way. trying to fit in by going for people who are easier targets for them isn't gonna help you, it'll just alienate you from your own community, and you're never gonna please them. the momentary rush you get from hearing you're not like "one of /those/ gay people" is not worth it and is gonna do more harm in the long run, i assure you
also, it is important to me to say this, but having some less than nice kneejerk reaction caused by confusion about an identity you don't understand doesn't mean you're a bad person or anything. as long as you aren't mean to that person, and you take a second to think smth along the lines of "wait a minute, this isn't any of my business" after having said reaction, you're good 👍 a lot of reflexive reactions we have to things are ingrained into us simply by. well. living in a society 🤡 and you're not terrible for having those thoughts. it's your actions that matter, and your second thought (the "wait, why did i just think that?") is more defining of your actual character and morals than your reflex. i know that having thoughts like this, even tho they're unwanted, can very easily make one spiral, so it's important to me that whoever needs to hear this knows this doesn't make you a bad person 🙏 you're good, keep taking actions to be good, accept other people even if you don't understand them, and you're on the right track :)
#i considered adding that last part in the tags but i figured it'll be too long for that 😭#i noticed i'm posting a lot of rants lately. sorry. but i do wanna make sure no one's actually feeling bad over them#if i complain about something that you do or call it mean and such. that doesn't make you a bad person#you can always work to change and grow 👍 it's not easy but it starts with smaller steps than you'd expect#and now i just switched to a whole other topic from my original point. oops#i do firmly believe that any discourse about someone's identity is dumb as fuck#seeing it in poll blogs always makes me 😐😬 like how is it any business for any of us. why is this up for debate#if a person says they're queer then they are. they don't need to pass some test or go through initiation to be accepted#if they feel comfortable with a certain word that's awesome. why does it matter to *you* which word they use#'they're only using this microlabel to feel special' so? is there anything wrong with that?#'this label contradicts [insert other identity that falls under the same umbrella]' ok. but does that hurt anyone in any way#a lot of identities can even be self contradictory. does it matter tho? does it affect anyone in any way?#'they might realize that label is wrong later' again. what's the harm in that.#i don't blame anyone for these thoughts bc like. this is how cishets view a lot of the even more common labels#so you're basically taught to think this way from day one. that doesn't mean you need to stick to that thought process#you might have these reflexes forever no matter how hard you try. but you'll get quicker about moving on from them#but you do have to try. you do have to realize that other people's identities aren't about you#anyway. this post feels like batting at a hornets nest. really hope i don't get some bad faith readers here lol#(i noticed a lot of places one could apply bad faith but like it's 3:30 am i'm too tired to add this many disclaimer.#so i'm gonna trust you to not jump to conclusions and to approach this in good faith okay? mwah 🖤)#also my whole ramble abt morality (in the tags too) is relevant to. any topic really#i may just make a separate post about it really. .....tomorrow tho.
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Aesop needs to claw his way back up to approval. He needs to stop ruining what he set out to preserve. That starts with listening, just like he always has, right? His voice, when he finally speaks after a long silence, is weak, like he does not want to admit what he is hearing, even as it burrows deep within and he knows there is a reason it was said, even as its truth is evident. "...I see your point."
Further fueling the burning in his throat is how Victor says he finally found someone. He finally found someone, and Aesop keeps destroying it. And Aesop keeps turning away, thinking he should be left behind. But it doesn't happen. Even when he lashed out, even when he says all these things he learns to soon regret, Victor remains. (He wanted this. This is the kind of thing he's wanted for so long. So why does he push this to nearly the limit, why does he only realize when he puts it at risk?) "You don't. But... you were. I'm sorry you had to go through that... you should not have. I should not have said that... even with such thoughts, you should not have to hear them. I will... try to take your words better in the future as well."
Aesop closes his eyes to think of something to ask, letting out a hum to ensure it didn't seem like he was trying to isolate himself again, trying to ignore his eyes swelling. Trying to ignore how little he really knew. "As for... figuring out who... you are. How much of your past self is... still with you? I know you are not him anymore, of course, but you also are, and... I want to make sure I am not expecting something that will not happen."
"Hey doll! D'you happen to have a spare glove in that handy box of yours? Just one is fine!"
@the-bloodline-embrace
Aesop may have been caught organizing his box anyway as his eyes narrowed, lips that could not be seen pressed together in focus (he tended to make it a habit so he would not have to do it all at once or wind up with an untenable workload). Even so, he freezes, eyes widening upon hearing the voice behind him, as he slowly looks to confirm that which had quickly grown familiar.
"Ah... hello again. Y-you came at a good time, I was just making sure everything I had stored in here was properly stocked. Let me see..." As the embalmer opens up his kit fully to make sure he can see everything, running a finger down the collection to make sure he was looking in the right place, he reminds himself that he would practice getting used to these names, too. No matter how wrong it felt.
Finally, he fishes out a glove from one of the compartments, handing it over. "Here you go. I... hope this fits you well, Victor." The name slips out before he can stop himself. By the time he notices, he wants almost to fade away, to ask the man before him to forget what just happened. But all that comes out is a weak "...sorry."
#yellow rose embalmer replies#you know it's serious when the guy who juggles personas and lies stops.#the beauty of weekends fr...#me when coming up with questions is a weak point of mine and i'm trying to think of something that makes sense...#embrace has lived long enough to not have patience for certain things.#forcibly reminding the dumbass that YES they're still friends. he still means it even with how he's. like That.#the amount of replies where i look at sop and go “buddy. no. that is NOT the correct reply”.#he sure doesn't get the right one even if he corrects himself and i'm just shaking my head to show that i don't think he's right about this#mr carl you are cooked. (he does not know how much of his thoughts and beliefs are collapsing around him other than “many”)#also i was absolutely tearing up writing this reply! i have no idea why but MAN i'm invested in these two#aesop's bullshit has officially pushed this man too far. congrats boy you've fumbled.
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*me quiero morir plays on the background*
I am- speechless? shocked? IDK
Weyyyyyyy lo vi y quedé :0 La neta ya ni sé que decir alv wow, nomás, WOW. No me enojo o me ofendo fácilmente, pero chingada madre se esforzaron y lo lograron, felicidades! me dejaron en shook
Me va a dar algo lmao, no sé ni por donde empezar. La canción culerísima, el estilo de arte que se ve no muy refinado, el diseño de personajes poco memorable, los comentarios de la actriz de voz, fucking earthquake heights (look up the 2017 earthquake in México on YT), las personas que dicen que no los podemos criticar por que "lo hacen por representación" Y podría seguirle y seguirle :/ Aclaración mi pedo más que nada es que creo que no solo se notan insensibles (por los estereotipos y así) sino que activamente se rehúsan a escuchar lo que los demás tienen que decir. Sí hay personas latinas que no encuentran problema con esto pero los que sí han estado siendo catalogados de "ofendidos" nomás por que no quieren escuchar o entender lo que disgusta de este proyecto.
Coming from an actual Mexican here: this is rly weird and uncomfortable, I'm sitting here like :/ Idk man, I'm just gonna sit in the corner and pretend this doesn't exist.
Y arda al que le arda se dice "OIGAN" no "OYE" por que es en plural. "Grammar nazi" mis huevos. Son una corporación de miles de millones de dólares como para no tomarse la molestia de averiguar si está bien escrito spm
#I am sorry to the creators (not really this was a bad idea from the get go imo)#a lot of time and effort are put on these shows so you can't tell me they didn't have time to think this through#sorry but you can't just say “it was made by latinos so it can't be insensitive or offensive”#once again disney disappoints but doesn't surprise me anymore#oigan primos#oye primos#I wish from the bottom of my heart that this project crashes and burns#I am just venting#Imma block the oye primos tag bc I don't want to know anything. I don't wanna see it on my dash I just want it to crumple and disappear#sthu kabra
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still feeling bad even after food and a couple hours of sleep. how mean
#one of these days the yearning for an understanding person to come home to at the end of a day will end me#until then i will probably have to complain about my stupid suffering#why must humans be a social species and why must i crave things i cannot have lol#why must i be stuck living with people i cannot ever trust again. want to be around people i like and who i can be vulnerable with#tbh if i still was as whiny in real life as i am on here most days i'd only get to hear 'shut up' and 'tough luck. man up'#and that is Not It. would only make me feel worse. so i keep quiet and keep to myself#which does not solve my original problem at all#maybe one day. maybe one day i can just be a beloved pet that doesn't get scolded or belittled for seeking comfort#that one thing my parents said to me 15 years ago still haunts me#'only people who deserve it get hugs' which was used to deny me comfort/affection. because apparently i am not worthy/deserving 👍#i was 13 going through the most vile shit at school but bc it affected me negatively and my parents didn't like me at my mentally illest#they just straight up denied me any type of comfort or support. took away my belongings. made me stay in my room for months on end#as corrective punishment. but none of it made me better. just made me worse. idk idk idk#all the shit they put me through. the emotional and physical punishments. the beatings borne from frustration#and still some part of me wants to seek comfort from them. BUT I SHOULDN'T. they broke my trust and my heart and soul so many times#it'd be straight up suicide to open up and be vulnerable with them again... lole running chest first into a wall of knives. no.#sorry. really in it tonight. gonna try to be more normal tomorrow
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I know I've been particularly incoherent for the past few days (again), and it's so dramatic and ridiculous but it seriously feels like something is punishing me. I just want to like things a normal amount. I just want to like people and characters a normal amount.
I don't want to become so fully obsessed that literally nothing else exists and thinking about anything else feels like my brain is being stabbed with a thousand tiny knives. I don't want to need to find every piece of information I possibly can on whoever it is this time. I don't want to feel like I'm (literally) losing my mind when I see them. I don't want any of this!
I can not believe that I exist as a human being on this stupid planet just to get obsessed with people over and over and over again forever.
#like it's not. fun. it's not 'oh haha I just like this guy a lot :3' no it feels like. dying.#like I said I know it's fucking dramatic I know. but it feels SO BAD#and sometimes SO GOOD because nothing else gives my brain that feeling but god damn it most of the time it's just painful#maybe I should try drugs#probably.#maybe I should start drinking again#that made it bearable#but no that's. stupid#but my god how am I supposed to go through this again and again and again so many times in a row#I don't know how to explain how fucking devastating it is to attach yourself to. some stupid idiot (I'm sorry I don't mean that.). only to#not really care anymore after a couple months#what do you MEAN. I literally love this person with every stupid fibre of my stupid being and now he's just. some guy again??#I don't know. how. not to do this. it's not a choice! it's not something I DO. it HAPPENS to me.#and it only doesn't happen when I'm so depressed that I want to actively die.#anyway yeah it's about John Larroquette and Dan Fielding and Jenkins and yeah I'm the fucking stupidest fucking dumbass on earth#someone hit me in the head to fix my brain please#and seriously this is not normal. it can not be normal. this is not how normal people feel about stuff. it can't be#I think this is why I don't get fandom culture. and shipping specifically. like. no I'm not. I'm not enjoying these characters. I'm not#watching this show and thinking aww these two should kiss :)#I'm. not there anymore. I don't fucking exist. all I do. is think about this person. I can't stop it.#I am not a person when I don't feel like this. I'm not even real. I'm just whoever I'm obsessed with. I say that so much but that's how it#feels! I'm not real.#so anyway when I say 'haha I'm fine' what I mean is no I'm not someone make my brain work right please#I just. see him and start crying. because it's so overwhelming.#maybe I should find a therapist and hope they speak English and show them this post :)#haha no that's ridiculous I could never mention this to a normal person#guess I'll just keep driving myself to insanity with this crap.#personal
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