#after the first week after leaving south africa i thought i was okay but i literally think that was just me being determinedly delusional | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

superfics-forone · 3 years ago

Text

Just Friends

SUMMARY: Sam asks the group who they think are the “hottest” members of the team. You don’t make the cute for Bucky’s top five.

Bucky x TALL!Reader

W/C: 5,800

WARNINGS: angst, swearing (like two f bombs), cannon level violence, Bucky being an idiot (it’s a warning), physical insecurities, fake science

A/N: I wrote this because the top 5 situation actually happened to me IRL and when you don’t make someone you like’s list, it sucks. Also, this is in no way meant as being against people who are smaller! I am just a tall/plus size woman and sometimes that really makes you feel like you’re unattractive to people because you don’t fit the gender norm. Let me know what you think! I’m pretty new at this so I’d appreciate the feedback!

Also, HUGE shout out to @princessmisery666 for being so patient and supportive! Thank you for being my beta! Your comments were so incredibly helpful!

The best part about working with Bucky was that you got to see him everyday. The worst part was that you were constantly reminded that he wasn’t attracted to you.

You knew you were a good looking woman, people would often tell you that. It usually happened when you weren’t necessarily feeling your prettiest. Somehow that made it worse. Others would compliment you but he never would. Even when you knew you looked good- like you had put in extra effort and actually tried that day- still he would give you nothing.

You sat across from him in the common room looking at all the other Avengers wondering why he didn’t feel the same when you finally got your answer.

“Alright man,” Sam called out to the group. “Top five, let’s go.”

“Top five?” asked Clint, not sure if he wanted to know the answer. “Top five what?”

Everyone looked back to Sam, - “Top five on who you think is lookin’ most fine”.

“You want us to rate each other?” You asked incredulously.

“Naw, man!” Sam replied. “I want to know who you think are the top five most attractive! Male and female!”

You slunk back into the sofa, both curious and terrified of the conversation to come.

You heard huffs from the others but no one objected. Vision went first and of course he could only answer with; “I believe all of you are inherently lovely. I couldn’t possibly pick a top five of those who I find to be most attractive.” As soon as he finished and the room was no longer focused on him though he leaned over to Wanda and said something in her ear that made her blush.

You brought your cup up to your lips to hide your smile. You loved how happy they were after having been through so much heartbreak.

Sam went next, “Imma say, Wanda, Nat, Gamora’s got it goin’ on…for an alien…Hill - don’t tell her I said that- and…Y/N,” he said throwing you a wink.

You smiled but shook your head with a roll of your eyes. You knew the only reason he said your name was because you were in the room. He was trying to be kind. Men didn’t seem to be actively lining up to be with you…it might have something to do with them being intimidated by you being an Avenger but who could possibly know

“Sam you would think anything with legs that gave you the time of day was hot,” Bucky shot.

The others laughed but Sam shot back, “alright, Tin Man, who’s on your list? Okoye?”

“Yeah for one! I would be dead before I could make a move but sure! She’s dangerous and stunning!” He took a swig of bourbon as if he was done.

“Alright then who else?” Wanda leaned forward winking at you.

You shot her a warning look. You had only told her how you felt about Bucky once on a drunken night after finding out he had gone on date with another recruit. Jealousy had reared its ugly head and she could feel your angst that night. You had asked Wanda how; “A tiny little thing that would barely hold her own in the ring,” could possibly catch his eye. It was as if the only thing he saw you as was an ear to listen to his problems and a soldier he could rely on in the field. You had seen them together multiple times since then and every time it pained you more.

She was everything you weren’t. Barely five foot, two inches tall with a skinny frame to match, and a nicely formed backside. In reality you couldn’t be mad at Bucky. He deserved to be happy. He was your friend and you wanted that for him. You just wanted that particular happiness too.

“Okay, okay!” Bucky’s hands came up in surrender as he finished his drink and leaned back to think, He sat so close to you his left bicep of his folded arms brushed yours with every breath he took.“Okoye? Sure…uh… in no particular order…Wanda, Nat, Darcy, and the little woman, Kris, from reception.”

“It seems, Mr. Barnes”, said Vision, “that you prefer mates who are significantly smaller than you. I do believe that of that group, Wanda is the tallest one.”

“Which isn’t really saying much because I’m only five, six”, she complained.

“The perfect height my dear.” Wanda smiled at that and kissed Vision’s cheek .

You took another long sip of your drink as you registered what had been said. Your stomach soured as you finished the glass. Not so much from the alcohol as from the realization that the man who you had secretly been pinning over didn’t even list you as attractive enough to make his top five.

You felt like you knew why. It was just too much. You weren’t small and dainty like those on his list. You had big bones and a can do attitude. You wouldn’t take crap from people. And because you were so tall you could come off as intimidating…or so some men had told you.

“I’m going to get another drink,” You whispered to no one in particular.

But Sam really couldn’t read a room and he called you out. “No, no! Who’s on your list Y/N?”

“Oh no!” You said dryly. “I’d have to be much drunker for that conversation. For now, I'll keep my opinions to myself.”

You spotted Bucky’s surprised face before you made your way over to the bar. The conversation carried on behind you as you refilled your glass. Thoughts of Bucky’s revelation clouding your mind. You were never going to be good enough for him because you were just too big. Too tall. Too much. He liked the smallest, most petite women in the compound. Feeling your emotions swelling,you decided to grab the bottle and made your way quietly out of the room while the ruckus continued.

Once on your floor you closed the door behind you with a forceful slam, “FRIDAY!! Lock the door and don’t open it for anyone!!”

“Yes, Miss Y/L/N.”

The rest of the night was spent on the floor in your sweats drinking from your bottle of whiskey and feeling sorry for yourself and all the things you couldn’t be because of biology.

You weren’t sure if it was a drunken stupor or your imagination but at one point you could have sworn you heard a knock only for it to go away just as quickly.

…

The next day you had an awful hangover and didn’t get out of bed. Bucky came to your door for your normal morning run.

“Tell him I’m not going, Friday.”

“He would like to know why, Miss.”

“Tell him it’s my time of the month.”

“Your time of the month was last week, Miss.”

“Who’s side are you on, Friday? Just tell him I’m sick.”

“Very well, Miss.”

It was silent for a few moments and you had thought that would be enough to get Bucky off your back for now.

“Mr. Barnes would like to know if you’d like to see Dr. Cho, Miss.”

“Uuuugggghhhh,” you rolled out of bed and marched over, irritated that the one person you didn’t want to see was at your door.Pulling it open with a huff you practically screamed. “What?!?”

“Woah!” Bucky jumped back startled at your disheveled appearance and puffy eyes. “I just want to make sure you’re alright, doll. You didn’t come back last night and you never answered the door when I came to check on you.”

So there was a knock last night.

You couldn’t look him in the eye as your eyes filled with tears again, this time with shame. “I’m fine, Bucky.” You started shutting the door quickly and he stuck his hand on it preventing you from closing it again.

“Y/N…what’s…”

“Bucky, I just need some rest okay?” You cut him off, “I’m fine. I promise I’ll be right as rain tomorrow.” You smiled weakly.

Bucky searched your face as if trying to find what you weren’t telling him in your eyes. But you were an Avenger and you knew how to school your features to show nothing.

Bucky sighed and shook his head, “alright, doll. I’m here if you want to talk about anything.”

“Yes, fine,” you said pushing him out the door. Your eyes had flooded with tears again. You didn’t look up to see Bucky’s hurt and concerned face as you closed the door again and put your back to it.

You held your breath listening for his footsteps to retreat before sinking to the floor and crying.

…

The next day was an all out avoid Bucky day. You weren’t sure you could take the questions and worried looks he was sure to give you. Instead, you decided that what you needed was time away from such temptation. And so, you went in to ask Steve for an overseas long assignment.

“You sure about this one, Y/N. It’s a 9 month solo mission. It’s going to be long and it’s going to be lonely.”

“Yes. I’m sure. I need some time to myself.”

Steve looked at you with understanding and pity. He could see how you felt about Bucky even if he couldn’t get his best friend to see it as well.

“Alright,” he said, “suit up. You leave in 2 hours.”

South Africa wasn’t the worst assignment. It wouldn’t take long for you to get the information you needed. And the separation from Bucky would be good for you.

You finished checking your last weapon and loaded it as well as a pair of throwing knives, a gift from Bucky, into your duffle before looking around your room one more time.

You headed to the door and almost made it out until the picture of you and Bucky on your dresser made you stop. Picking it up you smiled at the memory of the minor league baseball game you’d attended together. You had won tickets and no one else was available that night. When you’d offered the tickets to Bucky you couldn’t believe that he said yes! It was the true start of your friendship, talking about life and how much it had changed for him but also how little it had changed for you. He couldn’t believe it when you started singing all the words to “I’ll never smile again”.

“You think I don’t know music? I’m quite cultured, Mr. Barnes!” You had said with a laugh.

“I never said you weren’t, sweetheart!”

Coming back out of your revelry with a start you put the picture back down on the dresser and turned to the door. You were going to get over this infatuation, even if it killed you. Supposedly time heals all wounds. Well you weren’t sure if there was ever going to be enough time but you could get distance.

…

Hours later Bucky came in to tell you about the relationship problems he was having with the girl from reception. She just didn’t seem to understand him and kept picking fights. You had become his confidant and had saved his relationship once before so would most likely be able to do it again.

He was almost to your room when he noticed your door was ajar. Slowing he moved closer and pushed it in silently. The room was neat and quiet. Your bed folded nicely as though it was always that way.

Bucky knew that you never made your bed until you were right about to get in it. Or unless you were going on a trip.

Checking carefully he started to notice things missing. Your favorite slippers were gone. Your tooth brush and favorite stuffed animal turtle were also missing. All of the things that you felt you had to have with you were gone.

Then he saw the picture frame on the dresser. Picking it up he too smiled at the memory, then frowned. It was still here. You almost always took this with you. Why was it still here but everything else you held of value was gone.

“Friday, where is Y/N?”

“Miss Y/L/N has volunteered for a mission, sir.”

“Where?”

“That information is classified.”

“Okay, when will she be back?”

“That information is classified.”

“Alright, who else went on the mission,” he asked hoping whoever it was would have your back.

“All other Avengers are currently in the compound.”

“So she went by herself?” Bucky fumed.

“That information is classified.”

“Damn robots!”

Bucky stormed out and found Steve in the kitchen.

“Where did you send her, punk!

Steve didn’t even look up from his newspaper, knowing exactly what his best friend was talking about.

“She’ll be fine, Buck. She just needs some time to herself.”

“So send her to Fiji! Not a solo mission!!”

“This is her call Bucky. You’ve got to trust her.”

Bucky spun on his heel and headed to the computer lab. He knew he was being irrational but if no one else was going to look after your well-being then he was going to have to do it himself.

It took him all day but he finally unencrypted the files for your mission. You were to carry out a recon mission in Port Elizabeth on a supposed Hydra base. It was a far cry from Fiji but you wouldn’t be in immediate danger.

Still he came in everyday to check in on your reports and find out how the events in the country were progressing. He had even convinced Torres to help him set up notifications to his phone if something were to go wrong. He had, very nicely, threatened him with knives if he didn’t set up Stark’s satellite to keep an eye on you.

After three weeks he was really starting to miss your company. Every time he went out with Kris from reception he realized that she just wasn’t as interesting as you. They didn’t have the same camaraderie and chemistry as the two of you did.

So when his phone dinged at 2:30am he looked at the notification. It was a satellite image of you on your apartment porch drinking coffee. You seemed at ease and calm at your small table. Your hair down and wearing a long red dress. He went to the live feed of the satellite but when he did you weren’t there.

Bucky refreshed the page again thinking it may be just an error. But his rising heartbeat made him think differently. When the screen came back he noticed the upturned coffee mug and the newspapers on the ground.

Bucky flew from his bed and raced down the hall to the command room. Steve and Tony were already there, still in their pajamas.

“…it’s not as if she has a tracker in her, Stark!”

“Well maybe she should! Maybe we should make it a standard issue! Everyone gets a tracker! Friday! Make a note!”

“Yes sir.” replied the AI.

“Tony, we need to focus on the…”

“Where is she?!” Bucky growled.

Both men turned around in surprise. Steve recovered first, his eyes sympathetic for his friend’s worry. “We’re not sure, Buck. These images were only taken 4 hours ago.” He clicked to zoom in closer, “but we did get this.”

He zoomed all the way into the kitchen window behind where you’d sat drinking coffee, where a face reflected in the glass. Bucky looked on in rage, hands in tight fists, as the image became clearer and Zemo came into focus.

…

You awoke with a start, unaware of your surroundings. You sat on a bed in a bare room with a single one way mirror. A metal chair sat by the wall and you noticed no handle on the door. Trying to piece together what had happened you recalled your last memory.

A beautiful morning, the sun shining on the water, a freshly brewed cup of coffee. You sat in your apartment in Port Elizabeth, a pain in your neck…

“Zemo,” you whispered.

“Ah, you’re awake,” said the speaker above you. “I’m sorry about the dramatics but it was necessary. You’re a very important piece of the puzzle.”

“Let me guess,” you said as you rolled your eyes. “You don’t like the way the world is being saved by the Avengers and you think you could do better.”

“Actually I want something else, мой дорогой. I need you.”

“What?” you cried befuddled. “Why on earth would you need me?”

“Do you know what TX-39 is?”

“Yes, I have an entire codex of arbitrary numbers logged away in my brain,” you retorted.

Zemo didn’t pause at your sarcasm. “TX-39 is the compound used to create nucleotides that bond onto nerve endings. By doing so they suspend brain signals stopping all neuro function and rendering the subject immoble. Something you have experienced first hand. By combining a nanotech inhibitor with this nerve ending your subject’s direct motor function is now open to...suggestions.”

You sat astounded as you registered what he had told you. You looked down at your hands but you didn’t feel different. There was no way something like this could work.

“What better way to get rid of a super soldier than to create your own?” Zemo said. You felt a slight buzz in your spine as you stood up quickly trying to resist. Running to the mirror you pulled back your arm, ready to punch your way out, but an inch from the glass your arm stopped. “Ironic that the Soldat will come to save you, only to be the one who needs to be saved.” With that you felt the electricity in your spine disappear and your body was your own again.

Frustration built within you as you sat back on the bed for a moment processing his statement. Your face became more and more incredulous until finally you burst out laughing. You continued laughing harder and harder at the absurdity of Zemo’s reasoning.

“You think I’m the one he is going to come after,” you laughed. “You think you picked the right mouse for your trap? You’re going to wait a long time if you think he’s going to come and get me.”

During your first few weeks away you had missed Bucky fiercely. Leaving him behind so abruptly had felt like severing a part of yourself, but the last few weeks had been good for you. You had forgotten what it was like to rely on yourself. You had grown into yourself again and had realized how little Bucky had actually cared for you when he never came to find you. He hadn’t so much as picked up the phone after you had left. It was as if you had never existed in the first place.

“Bucky doesn’t care about me,” you said sardonically. “He never has. We are barely even friends.You picked the wrong mouse, Zemo. ”

“We’ll see, дорогой,” and with a click he was gone.

Your brain shifted in and out of the conversation with Zemo. Looking down at your hands, you prayed it wasn’t true. You knew that what had happened at the window was real but you didn’t want to believe it. You had been turned into a weapon to hurt your friends. To hurt Bucky.

Crossing your arms over your chest you laid down on the bed, rolled over to face the wall, and cried.

…

Avengers Compound

“There is a five mile radius around Agent Y/L/N last known location,” said Fury. “Two man teams will sweep the area in a grid formation while the drones scan for energy signatures. Any questions?”

All those around the table sat silent, but nodded confirmation of their understanding of the objective. Fury looked around the room, “This mother fucker took one of ours and I wanna know why. Let’s get going.”

Bucky stood up from the table and made his way out of the room to the Quinjet hangar. Steve pulled on his arm before entering the plane. “I know what’s going through your mind right now Buck, but we are going to get her back”.

Bucky looked at the ground before raising his eyes to his friend. “He knew how to get to me, Steve. He always knows where to hurt me. He couldn’t use you. You’re too difficult to overpower. So he had to pick her. I just,” Bucky wasn’t sure how to finish his thought. Words never came easily to him and he wasn’t sure he could really express what he was feeling. “I just want her safe.”

After you had left Bucky felt hollow inside. He hadn’t realized how much joy you brought to his day with your smiles and jokes. Always knowing what to say, or at least, what he needed to hear. Your departure made him realize he needed you. Boarding the jet Bucky knew that no matter what happened he was going to tell you how he felt.

…

The team had been sweeping through the city for what felt like hours and there still hadn’t been any developments. Walking through another alleyway Bucky scanned the cobblestone streets. He was beginning to lose hope at ever finding you at all when he saw an uneven line in between two buildings.

Pressing his comm link he called out, “Steve, I’ve got something. I’m going to check it out.”

“Bucky, wait for backup. We’ll come to you.”

Feeling along the wall Bucky felt a draft between the cracks. Unholstering the gun at his hip he pushed against the wall feeling it give way.

“I’m going in. Follow my location.”

“Bucky, wait!” Steve called.

Bucky ignored his calls and continued down the dimly lit hall. The walls opened up to a staircase leading down to a command room. The musky scent of decay and scotch filled Bucky’s nostrils.

“Privet, Soldat,” Zemo called from the darkness.

Bucky whirled around to find nothing.

“Have you come for your little mouse?”

Still searching, Bucky said nothing as the sound came from a different corner of the room.

“Have you realized how much you miss her?”

Bucky circled again, coming up to a window.

“I wonder what it is? Is it her sweetness that draws you? Or her willingness to see you for more than the killer you are?”

Bucky frowned. Zemo was playing with him.

“Or have you realized that her fire is what draws you to her? She does have a talented tongue. I’ve seen her put it to good use,” Zemo provoked. “I have enjoyed having her in my company, but it seems you really never appreciated her spirit, did you?”

Bucky continued searching the room as Zemo continued his monologue. Coming up to the computer he saw a paused video feed. It played as soon as he stepped forward.

Bucky saw you in a room, still in your red sundress. Your hair was matted and you had the look in your eye of anger and exasperation. When you spoke, Bucky felt the wind rush out of his lungs.

“Bucky doesn’t care about me,” you said sardonically. “He never has. We are barely even friends.”

“A pity she never saw you care, but I suppose it’s only fair that you tell her now.”

The door beside the window clicked open with a beep. You came out of the cell with a look of wary surprise on your face. “Bucky?”

“Now is your moment, Sergeant Barnes. Why not tell her how you feel before it's too late,” called Zemo.

Bucky holstered his gun and walked toward you. “Y/N? Are you okay? Come on, let's get out of here.”

He grabbed your hand and turned to go but you were rooted to the spot. Your breathing became heavy as you felt the tingling sensation in your spine again.

“Bucky, I need you to leave,” you cried, dread dripping from your voice.

“What? No,sweetheart, come on! I’m not leaving you.”

“Bucky, I…” you started.

“Last chance to declare yourself, Soldat.”

Looking up in anger, Bucky yelled. “Shut up, Zemo. I’m not performing for you-” Bucky’s head turned in surprise as you punched him across the face. “What the hell, Y/N?”

“It wasn’t me!” you cried as you dropped and kicked his legs out from under him.

Bucky rolled over quickly to pick himself up as you followed him swinging punches at his head and kicks to his stomach. Your moves were both erratic and efficient as they landed multiple times. It was all Bucky could do to block your assault and move out of the way.

“This isn’t me!” you cried again between punches. “Zemo is controlling me with nanotech!”

Bucky threw up an arm to block your punch before flipping you around by your arm and pressing you to the wall. He didn’t want to hurt you but he was pretty sure that it wasn’t the most comfortable position.

“It’s okay, Y/N. We’re going to get you out of this.”

Your foot kicked his leg and you pushed yourself over and around his head and away from the wall. Grabbing the knife at his hip as you slipped out of his grip, you threw it into his thigh.

Bucky looked at you in surprise and annoyance. “Sorry!” you winced. Pulling the knife from his leg he tossed it to the floor.

“Look, Y/N. I’m not going anywhere, but try not to kill me, okay?”

“It’s not like I’m doing this on purpose Bucky!” you huffed as you charged at him.

“Well I’m just trying to get you out of the problem you put yourself in!” You had grabbed another knife and went to stab him. Bucky caught the knife and twisted your hand but the knife snagged your dress and tore the skirt as you fought to wrestle it away.

Your eyes flared with anger and the next punch you threw had a little extra heft in it.

“That I put myself in? How about you, Mr. Barge-into-a-room-with-no-back-up!”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you liked being saved! Although you’re one to talk! You came on a mission without backup!” Bucky rolled across the computer console out of the way of your next kick, getting agitated at your attitude.

“Because I needed space!” you yelled as you followed him around the computer desk.

“Space? Space from what?” Bucky yelled back, actually throwing a punch that you easily evaded.

“You! You idiot!” it burst out of you as you came up swinging before pushing him to the ground.

Bucky looked up at you with his eyes wide. You had him straddled under your legs. Bucky brought his arms up to block your punches while he tried to talk to you.

“Why would you need space from me? I don’t understand. You left without warning, without saying goodbye! Your mission was classified so I had to hack F.R.I.D.A.Y to even find out where you were!”

Your body was starting to fatigue from the strain of the fight as you continued to land blow after blow. You were fit and well trained but because your body was not your own you were blowing through energy rapidly. Your breaths were coming in short gasps as your chest heaved at each punch. If you kept this up, you weren’t sure how much time you would have before your body gave out entirely.

“Y/N, you left a huge gap! You were my best friend and then you were gone! You wouldn’t even talk to me before you left! You didn’t tell me you were leaving. I couldn’t even call you because the mission was supposed to be classified!”

Maybe it was the fatigue, maybe the hopelessness you felt, but you gave him everything you had left as you pummeled into him. Frustration over your situation, frustration at him, frustration at yourself built up inside you.

“I WILL NOT BE YOUR STAND IN! I will not be second best. I can’t look on anymore as you find someone smaller, cuter, littler to fit perfectly into your life! I deserve to be wanted! I deserve to be desired!” you screamed at the man beneath you as tears streamed down your cheeks.

Bucky finally bucked his hips and flipped you under him, pinning your hands to the ground next to your head.

“Get off of me! Let me go!” you had finally had enough. The damn had broken and your emotions and insecurities raged inside you. Your body pulled and twisted to break free from his grip.

“You do deserve to be desired,” Bucky said calmly as he caged you beneath him. “You are nobody's stand in. You’re perfect just as you are.” He wanted to say more but it was all he could do to keep you pinned under him.

The team burst down into the control room to see you openly weeping and Bucky on top of you.

“Nat, I need you to put an electric burst in my arm.” Bucky said looking up.

“I’m sorry, you what?” asked Nat.

“Just do it!” he said as you fought harder against him.

With a nod from Steve, Nat waved her baton and zapped Bucky’s arm causing both of you to scream in pain. When your body finally stopped seizing, the lack of adrenaline and the pain and fatigue caught up to you and you passed out in Bucky’s arms.

“You want to explain why I just pushed fifty thousand volts through you two?”

“Zemo infected her with some kind of nano tech. She hasn’t been in control this entire time.”

Steve scanned around the room. “Alright team, fan out. See if you can find out where Zemo went. I want teams down here with sat links up in 30 minutes.”

Bucky circled the gears around in his arm to get it up and running again before scooping you carefully off the ground.

“Buck, get her on the next jet out. Dr. Cho and Banner will be waiting for you to get back.”

…

For the second time you woke up in an unfamiliar place, and struggled to get your bearings. You felt like you’d been run over by a pick up truck and tumbled through a dryer.

Feeling slowly returned to your hands as your eyes opened and your vision cleared. You were in one of the medical rooms at the compound you realized.

“Look who decided to wake up,” said a gruff voice.

Turning your head you saw Bucky sitting in the chair beside you. He looked fresh and his eyes twinkled at you.

“Bucky,” you croaked as you tried to sit up.

“Woah there. You just relax. Your body is still trying to catch up from Zemo’s nanites.”

You slumped back down in the bed as Bucky leaned forward to take your hand.

“You had me worried there for a minute, doll. You’ve been sleeping for days. Wasn’t sure when you were going to pull through.”

“You doubt me, Barnes?”

“Not for a second, sweetheart, but I sure as hell missed you.” Bucky smiled, then looked down for a moment as if trying to find the right words. “We need to talk about why you left, Y/N.”

“No, Bucky, I...it doesn’t matter.” You say looking away. “It’s not important.”

“I don’t know, I’d say you thinking you don’t matter to me is pretty important.” You turned to look at him sharply, mouth open in a small gasp. “And I’d also say that you thinking I don’t find you desirable is pretty important too.”

You sat in shock as he spoke, not wanting to break the way you had during your fight.

“Y/N, you are perfect. You knew me before I even knew myself. You light up the whole room just by being in it. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. You are strong, independent, kind, and gentle. You’re like a tall Asgardian goddess. Every inch of you is beautiful. I thought back to the last time we talked...before you left, and I realized why you did. I know why you thought I wasn’t attracted to you. That night, Sam’s list,” he paused as if pained at the memory, “I didn’t add you because...well, because I was so confused at how I was feeling. You were my friend. I didn’t realize till it was too late that I was already falling in love with you. And I most definitely didn’t want to give Sam anymore ammunition.”

You looked up at him sharply when he dropped the L word.

Bucky stood to reposition himself on the edge of your bed. Taking your face in his hands he leans forward until your foreheads barely touch. “I didn’t want to ruin things with you. You were my friend. You were perfect and I thought you deserved better so I ran to find something that was everything you weren’t. You are my perfect fit. You are just right. You are the only person I want. Please tell me you’re mine. Please tell me I haven’t lost you.”

You brought your hand up to rest over his as you let his words wash over you.

He wanted you. He thought you were beautiful. All of you. All of the parts people had told you were too much: your height, your attitude, your independence - he wanted it all.

You did something that you wanted to do for months, you brought your lips up to his softly and gave him a chaste kiss. “I was always yours Bucky,” You pulled his hands down and pushed him away to look into his eyes, “but I won’t be taken for granted anymore. I shouldn’t have to leave for you to want me. I shouldn’t have to be gone for you to realize what you had. I left for a reason. It was to find peace with myself. I realized that I didn’t need your approval. I didn’t need your desire to be whole. I won’t settle for someone who can’t see what’s right in front of them. I know my worth.”

Bucky looked at you sorrowfully as he held onto your fingers, memorizing their shape. “I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to make you feel like you weren’t enough.”

“I know, but it happened. I don’t need you to be happy, Bucky...” Bucky hung his head in dejection. “...But I do want you.”

Bucky looked up at you sharply to find your eyes full of love and warmth. You wanted him. Even after all that happened - how he forced you away, how he made you feel like you weren’t good enough, you were still willing to forgive him. You wanted him even with all his faults.

You brought him closer for another kiss and savored the way his lips fell across yours. Breaking away to look up at him you said what you had been holding in for months, “And I love you too.”

Tags: @princessmisery666 @dreamwritesimagines

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky fic #avenger reader #angst #tall girl problems

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strangeinternetwasteland · 4 years ago

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Finding Home- Dabi x Fem! Reader

This is my submission for Day 6 Places of @konoblog-simps server collab

Warning: Angst, Lots of Fluff, Soft Dabi

WC:2k

Leaving everything behind was the best decision he’d ever made. He was finally free, especially after emptying the bank account his father had for him. Nothing was holding him back. The few days after the big fight the anger was still there. It didn’t come to any physical blow but felt as if there had been. There was no looking back now, he will no longer be the unwanted son. He could change his name, his personality, and his whole story. He could be the person he truly wanted to be.

His first destination was the small city of Takayama in the Gifu Prefecture. The city always held a special appeal to him since it was known for the olden style of Japanese Culture. Something he’d always been interested in since a young boy. He stayed at the Hida Takayama Hostel for a few days. On the last night, he decided to stay at the Takayama Ouan with its breathtaking view of the city. It was here where the two of you met. Both of you spent your time talking about your future dreams and plans, and just enjoyed one another’s company.

The next morning he was planning on moving to a small picturesque town in the southern islands of Japan. ‘It was the perfect beginning to his new life.’ he told you. You decided to join him before continuing your next adventure. Here, the two of you spent two days watching the perfect sunsets the beach was named after. Most people didn’t pay any attention to you both assuming you were lovers lost in the moment.

You two exchanged numbers, in case your paths were fated to cross again. He left for Singapore, and you to South Korea. The few days spent with you left a wonderful impression on Dabi. The following days since Japan Dabi couldn’t stop thinking of you. The way your face lit up when talking about something you were passionate about, or the way you giggled when you were excited. It was those honest and earnest emotions from you he truly enjoyed. The memories helped him on the long and tedious train ride from Singapore through Malaysia. He got off a few times to get food or walk around.

Every stop he thought of calling or texting but restrained himself from doing so. He didn’t want to seem needy or clingy. A week later, when he was staying at a little hostel in Kluang in Malaysia, sipping on the most delectable cup of coffee when his phone chimed from you. You had sent greetings and wished him well. You had traveled through Russian and sent pictures of yourself at the Kremlin. How happy you looked in your picture. He wished he would’ve just joined you at that moment. He sent back well wishes and shared that he was currently enjoying a cup of coffee, with the promise to be the first one to text next time.

As the world trek continued for him, he found himself wandering through China trying all the delicacies he had heard about as he traveled. He spent a few days looking at the pandas, walked along the Silk Road, and saw the Terracotta Army before making his way through Mongolia, and taking in the breathtaking scenery of the grasslands. From Mongolia, he headed to Russia.

When he arrived at the Kremlin in Moscow, he stood exactly where you did, and snapped an identical picture to yours. He texted it to you as soon as he took it. He wore a small smile. You had texted him you were enjoying the beautiful colors of the Grecian seas, and how delectable the food was. He promised to visit Greece as soon as he could but had wanted to visit Mumbai, India first. You smiled knowing that you weren’t truly on this trek alone.

A few weeks had passed after the last text. You decided to text him to check on him. You found out he had been to see Mumbai, and sat on the famous Konkan coast. He also went to Jaipur to try Rajasthani cuisine and the street food in New Delhi. From there he went to Greece to learn and see the architecture of Athens, see the beautiful city of Santorini and see the first university in Greece.

He currently was in Lyon, France, while you were staying in Paris. He had plans to come to Paris in a couple of days. You made plans with him to meet in three days in Paris at a little restaurant called La Maison Rose in Montmartre. You were excited to see him, to say the least. You spent that morning going through all of the clothes you packed only to choose basic black slacks and a black shirt.

When you arrived you saw Dabi sitting at a table he definitely stood out against the Pink building. Your breath caught in your throat looking at him. When he looked up he saw you smiling. You knew that most people stared at him most of the time, and he did a good job ignoring them most of the time. However, with you, he seemed to fidget under your gaze. You weren’t sure if it was because you made him uncomfortable or if he was just like that.

“Hello, Y/N.” He greeted you with a kiss on each cheek. You felt electricity run through your body.

“Hello, how have you been? How is your trip going?” You asked with excitement. The two of you shared the highs and lows of your adventures, the pictures, and every ridiculous story you could. When the day got later you and Dabi grabbed dinner and wine. The feel of the city may have gotten to you, or perhaps it was the alcohol. You took Dabi back to your room and participated in evening affairs, as two lovers would do. This continued for another week. Waking up in his arms, enjoying the Parisian life with tourist flair, and getting to know another human through scandalous endeavors, and philosophical discussions post-coitus were the highlight of your time together.

You two had not discussed what would happen afterward, but deciding to part ways was a mutual agreement. You traveled south to Portugal and Spain, and he went north to the UK, Scotland, and Ireland. Another month had passed before you two had contact. For you, it wasn’t the most wonderful of occasions, but the positive pregnancy test you held in your hand deemed the matter important enough. You hoped he would be some sort of knight in shining armor, but you didn’t put a lot of faith in it. When you reached his voicemail all hope deflated, and you abruptly ended your trip and headed home.

Two more weeks had passed, and while you were still debating on the fate of your unborn child, you wondered what Dabi was up to. After his time in Morocco, he had traveled to Johannesburg, Durban, and then Cape Town in South Africa. When he was finally able to charge his phone properly for more than an hour, he heard your voicemail. His first thought was to call back since it had been two weeks since you had left the voicemail. You didn’t leave any clues or hints to the importance of your message, but you knew he’d call when he could.

It was early when you received his phone call you were in the middle of getting ready to work. You picked it up assuming it was your mother asking you to run an errand after work for her, or your boss asking you to work another double shift today. When your eyes looked at the name on the screen, your heart stopped for a brief second. You grew more and more nervous as you brought the phone to your ear. Without thinking, you pressed the green button.

“Hello.” Dabi’s voice said on the other line. “Hello? Y/N? Can you hear me?” His voice melts your insides. You thought back to the week you spent in Paris together tangled up in one another not caring about anything else.

“Hello?” You finally said into the phone.

“Hey, I am sorry about not calling you back sooner. I haven’t been able to charge my phone properly for some time. How are you doing? How’s your trek going?” His voice seemed light and carefree with a hint of exhaustion.

“Yeah. I am good. I have been back home for about 6 weeks.” You told him as nonchalantly as you could.

“Is something wrong? Are you okay? I thought you had another two weeks left?” His voice was gentle and full of surprise.

“Actually, I have something to tell you. The reason I ended my trip so abruptly was that I found out I was pregnant.” You felt nauseated from telling him. On the other line, you heard some shouting.

“Sorry, Y/N. I have got to go, but I will call you again as soon as I can.” Dabi rushed to say before hanging up the phone. The news hit him like a ton of bricks. He couldn’t remember exactly where you said you were from. He hoped he could find you on any social media site and figure it out from there. After an hour of searching, he figured out you lived in a small town in California. He immediately booked a flight to the closest Airport and hoped that would be enough.

Three days later without any phone calls or news from Dabi, you gave up. You figured that if he really cared, he would’ve called, or at least text you. You were in the middle of your day off when you heard the doorbell ring. Your mother was home for the day and you let her answer the door. From your room, you heard a deep voice speaking with your mother, but you couldn’t make out the words.

“I am very sorry ma’am, I was hoping to find Y/N here, but it seems I have the wrong house. Have a pleasant day.” Dabi spoke and turned around to leave. You rushed down the stairs and saw him.

“Dabi!” You cried out. He lifted his head at the sound of your voice. You tore down the stairs and straight into his arms. You hugged him as hard as you possibly could. You were astonished to see him standing before you, you started to cry. He wrapped his arms around you and buried his face in your hair. He stood and let you cry. Your mom walked away to let you two have a moment. After some time, you seemed to have calmed down. Dabi got down on one knee and proposed to you. You happily agreed.

In the months following, Dabi found a full-time job and rented an apartment for the two of you and the baby. You had a small wedding with your family present. A couple of years after the baby was born and you felt more stable, you planned a vacation for the three of you. You wanted to surprise Dabi and try to reconnect him with his family. After many phone calls to his parents when he wasn’t home. The three of you made your trip back to Japan. You thought back to where it all began on that serendipitous meeting. When you arrived at the airport you were met with open arms from Dabi’s family. You learned about his life growing up and his real name, which you promised to call him only when he was in real trouble.

In a quiet moment alone, Dabi took you aside, kissed you passionately, and thanked you for bringing him home to his family. A few days later, his mother and father thanked you as well. They loved seeing him as a loving husband, and doting parent, but most importantly you brought him back to them. Now their family was whole again.

#dabi x reader #dabi bnha #bnha dabi #mha #dabi fluff #mha dabi #bnha todoroki touya

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echo-three-one · 4 years ago

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Chapter 39

The Road So Far

Is this still worth it?

The SEVEN Inch Wound

Gary 'Roach' Sanderson

Task Force 141 Base - Gym

Roach finally got his seal of approval. After weeks of physical therapy and daily check ups, he was now finally fit for battle and he was lucky enough that Nero was still under the radar. He wouldn't want to miss out on the battle he started. He was lucky enough that they were exonerated when Shepherd surrendered, because if they continued to be fugitives, Roach would not have access to appropriate medical attention.

It has been almost a month after the events in Afghanistan and Task Force 141 was already re-established, Samantha and Maxine were housed on a nearby compound where veteran's families lived under the safety of government protection. During his time in the infirmary, Maxine was always there to visit, telling him tales about dreams she recovered as time went by. Roach was glad she was returning to normal and that no matter how her memories came back, her treatment towards him was the same.

"Good to see you back on your feet, my man." Rocket went up to him and did their fist bump, a series of elaborate claps then finished off with finger guns accompanied by their almost realistic attempt at pistol fires.

"Haha. Yeah? I'm glad I'm back." He waved as Rocket pointed at his back. Roach turned to see Maxine, carrying a packed lunch, waiting at the end of the hallway.

"Hey you. Just in time for lunch as always." He smiled, wrapping an arm around her as they made their way to the mess hall.

"Glad to see you smiling and walking about." She says, as her palms ran across his firm chest, tracing the scar that changed his life.

"Yeah, finally passed the damn physical test." He grinned as they sat down at their usual table, the only table which consisted of two tables stuck together to form an eight seater.

The rest of Roach's closest comrades were already there. Alex, guessing what Samantha packed for him. Soap and France arguing which meal choice was best for them and Ghost, who was already halfway through his lunch while the rest of his comrades haven't even started yet.

"Good to have you back, buddy." Ghost greeted with a wide grin on his face, well technically only half of his face was shown.

"Hey man. I sure am glad. How have you been doing?" he joked. They constantly visit him in their free time, so there was actually nothing to catch up on.

"The rest of the squad proceeded to badger Roach with questions about everything they wanted to know. Roach enjoyed the hot seat as the military mess hall felt like the university cafeteria.

"So, any news about Nero?" He finally asked as soon as everyone was done with him. The table felt awfully quiet.

"None." France was the first to speak up. Everyone else nodded and frowned.

"Shit. Guess our only choice is to wait." He added.

"Shepherd didn't have any leads towards Nero. Their last contact was the exchange of blueprints and after that, he was gone." Soap explained the situation.

"The missing persons?" Gary asked.

"Still missing." Alex commented.

"And there are still a few additions every other day as indicated by the FBI and DHS." Ghost added.

"Is interpol still involved?" Roach turned to Ghost.

"They're still after the traces of EMP equipment from the missing persons. Their new lead is that Nero's team is trying out a lethal kind of grenade. One that explodes without damaging property. If he's planning invasion, this is actually a good idea without ruining too much of the invaded country." He replied. Roach nodded at the theory. EMPs only damage mechanical equipment and this was a good call for the bad side.

"I never knew they'd think of this kind of weaponry. I always expected bioweapons being the last of modern warfare." Ghost muttered.

"Well, that was what happened in Verdansk and we stopped it. We could do that again." Alex tried to boost morale.

"Yeah. We'll do whatever it takes." Roach agreed and they continued lunch.

By the time he started training, Roach focused back on his Sniper techniques. His wound may have affected his previous breathing training and it was only inevitable that he'd train it again. He wanted to master the long ranged rifle as it was vital towards his development as a soldier.

"Back on the scope huh." Ghost huffed as they reached their 200 yard mark, by the hill just outside the base.

"Glad you could help me on this one." Roach unzipped the sniper bag and began scouting the area.

"You sure this is your spot?" Ghost asked, using his hand as a visor against the hot afternoon sun.

"Yeah. This fits."

"Suit yourself." He chuckled as Roach snapped every attachment of the rifle, from the bipod stand to the clicker adjustments.

He peeked at the scope and looked at his target. Five small cans standing on top of a log 200 yards away.

"Remember what I told you." Ghost mused as he looked at Roach steadying his breathing.

"Damn." He added as he noticed the change in wind.

"Yeah, damn. I just was about to fire it." Roach muttered as he took another deep breath and began to hold still as his crosshairs adjusted to the shift.

A loud fire echoed across the hills as dust scattered on the ground where Roach fired. He was about a few inches off.

"Great. Do that again but change your adjustments." Ghost said as consolation.

"Yeah got it." He rolled his dial once again and accounted for the wind, easing his breath and fired again. The loud sound once again echoed through the hills, followed by a soft metal can flying away from the log.

"There you go! A clean hit." Ghost congratulated as he tapped Roach's back while he reloaded his sniper and aimed again.

Roach stayed at that spot until it was too dark to continue and Ghost accompanied him until such time. On their way back, Ghost opened up to something that has been bothering him ever since.

"Roach. Do you mind if I say something important?" He asked and it made Roach stop on his tracks.

"Yeah. What's up." Roach asked.

"I've already sent my formal letter, but I just wanted you to have a heads up on the matter." Formal letter. Roach's heart started to pound as his mind automatically thought of him quitting or leaving.

"Letter about?" he asked. His mouth almost felt dry. He didn't want him to leave. Not again.

"Transferring department. Alexandra offered me a spot on the Interpol. I told you this first because I knew that if you were on my shoes, you'd go too, right? Do whatever makes you happy?" he said, quoting Roach's famous words.

He isn't wrong about doing what makes him happy, but his decision didn't feel right either, or maybe because he just doesn't want Ghost to go.

"Well, you bet I'd go for that option too!" Roach said, trying to validate his decision despite not wanting it. It was sad to see him go, but for the first time in ages, Ghost actually acknowledged the term happy.

"I knew you'd understand." he smiled and continued their trail back to the base where Roach remained quiet until they reached the base just in time for dinner.

After dinner, Roach opted for a night jog around the base to clear his mind off of Ghost leaving. After the second lap, he soon noticed Alex catching up to him.

"Wonderful weather for an evening run, huh?" He asked all cheery as he's quite used to his heavier and more realistic leg.

"Yeah. It is. Good to see you're liking Samantha's surprise." Gary nodded and removed his earphones.

"You know, it's really a surprise when I'm the only one who doesn't know about it." He commented.

"It feels like a real leg, actually. The wonders of modern technology never ceases to amaze me." He mused as they both took the turn.

"Yeah? That's good to hear. Pretty sure Samantha loved the way you thanked her." Roach teased as Alex chuckled, like he recalled some memory.

"Oh yeah, she did." Alex nodded suggestively, the kind that Roach didn't want to ask anymore.

"This your last lap?" Roach asked as Alex slowed down for his cooldown, turning to the set of exercise bars.

"Yep. See ya!" He waved as he started his cooldown.

Gary took three more laps just to make sure he's exhausted for the night, so that once he got in his bed, no more thoughts would assault his mind, hindering him from sleep.

There was only one way out of it. And it was accepting Ghost's inevitable departure from the 141.

The next morning, the 141 was briefed on a possible lead on Nero. This time, Ghost wasn't in the room and that meant that his letter was now approved.

"Okay lads. We've received word on a supply drop activity from Nero. We intercepted an unencrypted call signal to an abandoned port just off the coast of Sierra Leone, Africa. If intel is correct, we're going to be dealing with someone who goes by 'Volt', Nero's bomb maker." Price paced in front of the huge screen showing details regarding their mission.

"Volt is a high value individual who must not be killed. He's our only hope towards Nero. The intercepted call came from the USA, and it's quite impossible that Nero is here, so he must've used a secure line. Jack will be staying in the base as our new Operations Command as suggested by Laswell. Overlord will continue his role as our commanding officer as well." Price added making clear about the jurisdiction.

"Damp and dry Africa." Soap muttered.

"Have you been there?" France asked.

"Only in Egypt. My mom used to tag me along her trips." he replied.

"Recon suggests a high chance of militia activity, so our standard rules of engagement; treat anyone as hostile. Volt's compound will be surrounded by his own personal army and they're willing to shoot any unwanted visitors. He also has access to a port, so I'm sending the Charlie team to stand by the shore and make sure they're not planning an escape." he added.

"I'm leading the Alpha team and our task is to infiltrate his base and secure Volt for intel. Bravo team, led by Alex, will act as our support when things go south. As bonus, we need to destroy any trace of bomb making equipment.

Roach, I want you to man our new air support tools from above as soon as we confirm that there are no SAMs on his base." He shot his glare on Roach and he nodded. Guess he isn't on the ground tomorrow.

"We leave tomorrow at 0300. Make your necessary preparations especially on our brand new comms equipment. Ones that are immune to EMP blasts. Dismissed." He said as everyone got up and went on their way. Gary purposefully left himself behind so he could ask Price about the Ghost situation.

"Hey there lad. You feeling good?" Price approached as soon as he noticed Roach.

"I just have a question about the mission."

"Sure. What about it? Any suggestions?"

"No no. The plan is fine. Where will Ghost be?" Price gave him a worried stare.

"Ah. Didn't he tell you about his transfer?" He crossed his arms and stared at Roach.

"He did… but why did you allow it?"

"Well, it certainly looked like he was happy to go there. And I had no power over his commendations." Price reasoned as they walked out of the briefing room.

"Oh. I thought he was going to have one last mission with us." Roach smiled as he walked back to the room. Ghost wasn't a fan of goodbyes. Maybe because he knew they'll meet again.

0300H

Sierra Leone, Africa

"This is Hunter One-One requesting sitrep, over." Roach phoned his allies who were already on the ground for support. This mission was their vital lead towards Nero. He wished that the guy Volt was here so that they could finally finish the war before everyone else gets hurt.

Before he could man the air support, he needed to confirm that there were no SAMs present on their base so he could safely provide suppressing fire from above.

Next Chapter : The SIXth Ship

Notification Squad my Beloved

@whimsywispsblog @ricinbach @bumblingbee1 @smokeywhalee @samatedeansbroccoli @enderio

#alex echo 3 1 #john soap mactavish #horrayfic #john price #gary roach sanderson #simon ghost riley #codmw #whateverittakes

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bulletballet-arch · 3 years ago

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The Revised [ Full ] History of Eve in Picture Perfect

( until I decide to tweak and edit it some more )

In this verse, Eve’s mother Linda would reside in Brooklyn for three years after the death of her husband, William Littlejohn, his brother Malcolm, and Malcolm’s wife Yvette. Initially, she stays in Brooklyn simply because she feels she is supposed to. Her in-laws, Amos and Liza, want to observe her. Similarly, Linda’s parents want to ensure she is fine after narrowly facing death. Haunted by the massacre, Linda suffers from survivor’s syndrome, but she is never allowed to vocalize the pain felt. In the midst of secretly attending therapy sessions ( while Eve is taken care of by her Grandma Evelyn and Papa Giuseppe ) Linda finds that her lifestyle is stagnant. She feels as though she is a woman who does whatever someone else wants. Therefore, Linda decides to move to Manhattan with the five-year-old Eve in tow. They live in a luxurious apartment and Linda makes her living as a secretary on Wall Street while Eve attends ballet classes.

Linda didn’t have to be a secretary, as the Littlejohns (and her father) provided her with money, but she liked working. It kept her mind off things. Sometimes things would feel great until people asked her was her husband the late William Littlejohn. In time, Linda gets a boyfriend who is a stockbroker. He’s white, he’s a recent divorcee and because she worked so closely with him, Linda knew it would be unprofessional to date him. But she thought to herself, ‘this is my decision. It’s okay because I have some control.’ The idea of control was a myth, though. She became his arm candy, similar to what happened within the Littlejohn Family when she initially became linked with William.

Linda could not complain too much, though. Because her new lover was good to Eve. The overall excellent dynamic caused them to get married. Their marriage lasts for four years. Eve is eight years old when they divorce. It’s a divorce that’s long. Messy. He was going to jail for a pyramid scheme was a part of and Linda didn’t want to stand by him. After the divorce - and the trial - Linda decides she could use a break. She decides that she and Eve should leave the country for a little while. Because why not? She has the money. The first country they go to is England, staying in London.

It was supposed to be a month-long vacation, but she kept putting off returning home. She didn’t want to house hunt back in New York, she didn’t want to be identified with a scandal, she didn’t want to see any family. So they began living in London. When Eve is nine years old, Linda would decide to go to South Africa. Eve experienced cities such as Durban, Ghana, Cape Town. While Linda was really in Africa to become more connected to her ancestors, all and all, she thought the experience would be good for Eve. Her baby girl could have a lot of memories of different buildings, landscapes, cultures. And, this exposure did make Eve happy, however, she had no stable school life or friendships. So on a social level, Eve was miserable. She also tried having pen pals, but that only worked for so long before both parties ceased writing one another. Eve did feel at home when she was in New York with her extended family during holidays like Christmas. Eve’s maternal grandparents wanted her to live with them, but her mother refused it. Eve has a vivid memory seated in the back of a taxi, crying because she didn’t want to go to the airport. And as for Linda - well, she would never notice this, but whenever she was deeply distressed, her mental desire was to just keep moving.

When Eve was fifteen years old, her mother fell in love with a highly esteemed professor from the University of Cape Town. This would be her mother’s third significant relationship. They all began living together and he begins an inappropriate relationship with Eve. It’s all an act of grooming that Eve isn’t aware of. Linda catches on to it and calls out her boyfriend for his behavior. However, he is offended by the accusations. He moves out, but he still contacts Eve through phone calls and even picks her up from school at one point without her mother’s consent. Eve remembers her mother always asking her questions, ‘did he touch you?’ ‘What did he do to you?’ Eve was overwhelmed, as she felt her mother didn’t believe her. It caused Eve to give her the silent treatment, which in turn caused Linda to decide to move again. This time, they would leave Africa to live in Europe - France, specifically.

In France, the two moved twice. First to Paris then to Lyon. Eve liked Lyon more than Paris, but was much too stubborn to admit it. Part of Eve was worried that if she was open about her love, then her mother would want to move somewhere else. She attended college with a focus on art conservation. Ultimately, she did not fully complete her apprenticeship because she would meet Alexandre DuBois, a con artist she fell in love with.

He did not expose his true nature to her at first, but she began questioning the source of the jewelry he was continuously giving her. When she reached the conclusion that he was a criminal of some sort, Alexandre kept insisting that it wasn’t as much of an issue that she was making it out to be. To prove this he wanted Eve to come with him to a job wanting Eve to participate as well. Eve declined, she wasn’t trying to get in any legal trouble. However, Alexandre said he didn’t like boring women. Offended, she agreed. He slicked down his hair so it could appear straight. Wore his best suit. Meanwhile, he instructed Eve to dress as though she was going to attend the most extravagant party. When they stood side by side, Alexandre was looking like a wealthy white man with a young, black mistress. The trick, Alexandre told her, was to always act as though you belong. For days Eve waited for consequences. For the police to knock at her door. Something. It didn’t happen. She told herself never again, but she got addicted to stealing with Alexandre, as it became an adrenaline rush.

Eventually, Eve and Alexandre were apprehended by law enforcement. Linda bailed Eve out and told her that if she was not going to continue reaching for her career goals then she would send her to America. Eve would fight back, insisting that she was an adult, so she doesn’t have to go to America just because she said so. Linda then has enough and states that since Eve is a young adult, she can live with Alexandre. The relationship that would progress between Eve and Alexandre was not without its faults. Even when Eve moved in with him, Alexandre was cheating on her discreetly. He had his alternate hookups and one-night stands, with Eve simply being his main girlfriend. When women smugly confronted Eve of how Alexandre was nothing but a womanizer and she was his latest victim, she fought for the sheer integrity of his name. Behind closed doors, when Eve confronted Alexandre about his inability to be monogamous: he blackened her eye.

The relationship comes to an end when Alexandre gains access to an elite party. During their fumbled job, they would be acknowledged by someone who would be very influential in Eve’s future, Gisella Agostini of the Corsican Mafia. The two would leave the scene in shame, fiercely arguing in the car about who messed up. Eve brings up how he’s a liar and manipulator, only for Alexandre to rip the pearls from her neck and kick her out his car. She had to find her way back to safety in the dark of the night.

While Alexandre and Eve are separated, the Agostini family does research on the two. They see that Alexandre has a long history of theft, and even a previous murder charge, while Eve just seems to be a college student who got caught up in the thrill of crime. First, Alexandre is snatched off the street by Agostini goons. In what he deemed as an act of self-preservation, he sells Eve out, claiming it was her idea.

When Eve is abducted by the crime family, Gisella confronts her directly. The old woman states that she could fix everything and spare her from her ‘husband’s wrath.’ But the truth is, Gisella’s husband doesn’t do anything in the crime family any longer due to his age and illnesses, but Gisella uses him as a ‘front’ to reign. Eve ends up working for the crime family, and in little moments, she ever so gradually speculates she is in the midst of a female mob boss. As the months go along, Eve’s mother wants to make amends but Eve doesn’t want her mother to know she is now gang-affiliated. Eve is very afraid for her life. This leads to more mother-daughter tension due to the lack of communication.

As the years pass on, Gisella is progressively attached to Eve. This is reflective of how she has her own passion for the world and the diverse people who live in it (especially those of the African diaspora.) In turn, Eve initially grows to feel like she’s a part of some sort of stable family. Ultimately, their relationship gradually becomes overbearing and toxic. Eve is literally feeling like she’s owned and controlled by an old white woman. Therefore, Eve distances herself from dealing with Gisella personally because it was too much. However, Eve continued working for the crime family in regards to assassinations and heists, but she was not eating at Gisella’s home for dinner or talking over tea. Eve decides to make amends with Gisella by the time she is 31. Little did she know, the woman was on her death bed at this point. They were kind to one another and Gisella lets Eve know she can do whatever she wants now. Later that week, the old woman would die. While Gisella’s death comes as a shock - Eve was also feeling relieved. Afterward, Eve has mild conflict with Gisella’s nephew who feels like she should not be leaving the crime family, but Eve insists Gisella harbored no ill will towards her and wanted her to do whatever she wanted. So, she’s leaving.

Eve relocates to New York to begin a new, stable life. It’s what she wants. It’s what she needs. Or so she thinks. She thought New York would have her feel at home and content as it did when she was a child, but she didn't feel this way at all. She felt like a stranger among her family, like a guest or something. Eve proceeds to sell the art she makes for a living and gains recognition from it. Admittedly, she’s bored with a quiet life. It is entering a relationship with Salvatore Scozzari that sparks her passion for crime, although he would much rather her marry him and live a quiet but glamorous life. But in the end? Eve can’t do it. Breaking up with Sal by claiming she’ll be working at a gallery in California, she travels to another state. Her life as a thief starting up a second time.

#long post tw //#grooming tw //#v; picture perfect.

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iammrslaufyson · 3 years ago

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The tutor and the God of Mischief

Disclaimer: I own no rights to the character names or any references that may occur in this fanfic, that goes to Marvel.

Masterlist of the series

WARNINGS: This chapter does not contain any mature content like fowl language or any form of sexual content but there will be mature content in some chapters. Please look out for the warning before each chapter. I do recommend that this is +18 only.

Chapter 6

“Loki, can I ask you something?” “You may, but I am under no obligations to answer it.” “Okay... Why are you taking this course?” As those words left her mouth, he could feel this weight being lifted off himself. A sigh and a sideways glance, Loki was relieved. “ You seem to be the only person in this realm that has some sense. To sum it up, I am a child in need of a lesson in responsibility. Thus, am I burdened with Midgardian foolishness.” A giggle left her mouth. “You make it sound like your worthy of more. What do you plan to do after they teach you responsibility?” Loki still hasn’t thought about it. Does he still want to be the next king of Asgard as he planned so many years back? Was he to join Thor and the space people on their quests? “ I will probably join my people in New Asgard, I might even become their new leader.” “Sounds like they did you a favour. Definitely need to know about responsibility if you’re going to be a ruler.” A small smile made its way on both their faces. “I think it’s only fair I get to ask you a question.” “ Sure, go ahead.” “Where are you from? You have an interesting accent; one I’ve not heard before.” “Ah yes. The thing is if I tell you, I just might have to kill you.” Laughing, Zee started packing up her things. Their last lesson for the first week has come to its end. Loki was surprised that she had a lot of knowledge about this class, even more than what the professor portrays. He understands why he refers her for help. “For next week, I suggest you start your next assignment, and we can have a look together. If you need any help before then, you are more than welcome to send me a message.” “You might need to teach me about that too, as I have yet to master what this device does.” He placed the small cellular device on the table as she sat down in her seat again. “You know if you just wanted me to stay, you could have just asked.”

Another smile was evident, while trying to figure out the device herself first. “Before coming here, I lived in New Zealand for a few years. Before that I was born and raised in South Africa.” “Why did you come here?” “I wanted to travel to different places before I needed to settle down. That was the plan of course, but when I got here, something in me couldn’t bear to leave yet. Like I had some purpose or whatever.” Loki was curious to see how open she would be with him. “What happened to make you move from where you were born?” “Nothing in particular. My parents always said they wanted more for us, for me, and my brothers of course. So, one of my brothers moved to New Zealand and a few years later, so did I. Why are you here on Earth?” A sudden shift in the air made Zee look up from the device. She could see the tens nature of Loki. “I’m sorry, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want.” She reached out and touched his forearm. There was ringing and pounding in his ears, and his gazed was directed instantly towards his arm and her hand. As if he was afraid something would happen, he quickly retracted his arm. “I’m sorry.” She adverted her eyes from him. “I might not know what it’s like to be a god or have so much dark in my past, but I do know what it’s like, especially as an outsider. If you ever needed someone to talk to, or to just listen –“ “I don’t need your pity.” The silence was deafening in the room. “You probably don’t want hear this, but I believe that everything always ends up okay, even if it doesn’t always feel like it right now.”

***

The small device made a ‘ping’ noise and lighting up as Loki sat reading in his bed. The words ‘Hey, its Zee. I found the book Wuthering Heights. I’ll come drop if off tomorrow evening.’ appearing across the screen. Loki couldn’t help but noticed how casual she seemed after he what had happened. She seemed comfortable. Just thinking about this made a small side smile form on his face. From the small jokes and teasing to the easy conversation she made during their lessons this week. He hardly had anyone who was very comfortable around him. Everyone always seemed on edge, scared, or annoyed. This made him feel content, she made him feel content. Then he froze. The feeling inside him changed. His heart started to beat a bit faster in his ears and his head was feeling too light. Is he ill? Has he contracted some human illness? Loki stood up fast, causing him to topple over a bit. He couldn’t seem to think at this moment. He rushed outside into the hall, half running-walking while looking around franticly. The one time there seem to be no one around him. Loki made a harsh turn to his left and found Agent Meg Blanch sitting in the kitchen. She noticed the fast-walking god in the corner of her eye and then suddenly in front of her. “Agent Blanch, I need you to take me to your healers. I think I have contacted an illness from your realm.” The confused agent kept quiet as he continued. “My heart is beating really fast, and my head feels as light as a feather.” “You’re probably having a panic attack, maybe from anxiety. Did someone say something to you?” “I had no contact with anyone. I was reading a message the tutor sent me and –“ “Oh yeah, not a panic attack. You just have feelings for her.” “Feelings? This is absurd. I don’t get feelings for Midgardians. I use them as playthings, yes, not feelings.” “Whatever you say Loki. You have some type of feelings for her, your head might say no but your body says yes.” This was a serious situation. Loki enjoying the company of a Midgardian, and not for any self-gain. This is not good, not good at all. “How do I rid myself of these feelings? Is there some potion that Doctor Strange can make me? Maybe you should contact him and ask.” Meg let out a hefty laugh, “There’s only two ways to get over someone. Either they break your heart, or you get under someone else. Let me know when you’re ready for option number two.”

#loki laufeyson #loki odinson #loki of asgard #loki #loki fanfic series #loki fanfic #tom hiddelston loki #tom hiddleston #loki marvel #lokiedit #marveledit #loki of jotunheim

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minimitchell · 4 years ago

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benmitchellweek day 4 - “i haven’t looked at these pictures in years.” (ao3 link)

Ben has never really thought about what he considered his ‘home’. A long time ago, home meant the hot sun of South Africa, warm hugs and his mother’s perfume. Then, it meant being shifted from one house to the other, bruises on his skin and his dad’s disapprovement. Not so long ago, it meant bouncing from household to household, dragging his daughter and her mother with him like a couple of nomads.

Now though, home means a person. Means big hands, a warm smile and unconditional love.

It means a two-story house across the square from his dad’s, ready to be moved into by him and Callum. They finalized the purchase last week, now proud owners of No.1 Albert Square, and since then they’ve cleaned and painted and bickered with each other. All that’s left for them to do now is to pack up their stuff in their current home and carry it across the square to their future one.

It’s what Ben’s doing right now, trying to fit their life into the few cardboard boxes they bought, while Callum is across the street assembling furniture with Stuart and Jay. He’s currently rifling through their closet, divvying the things into piles labeled ‘keep’ and ‘toss’. He’s already found long-forgotten belongings from years of stuffing things into this closet - old magazines, little trinkets and just downright garbage.

It’s when he pulls out the dark green box from the back corner of the closet though, that he falls backwards onto the carpet, staring at the lid for a moment. He hasn’t looked at the contents of the box in years, but he knows every little thing that’s stored in there. He knows Callum has a similar box to this one, filled with letters and an old beret, but while Callum was willing to share these things with Ben, Ben hasn’t been able to lift the lid and let Callum look at them yet.

Because looking at these things still hurts. It still feels like someone is inside his rib cage squeezing his heart whenever he even thinks about one of the items in there. He wishes he could talk about it more, talk about him more, but Ben still feels like he’s only allowed to talk about Paul a couple of days a year. And it’s even harder to talk to Callum about it, because there’s always the guilt coming with it that he doesn’t deserve to move on and be so happy with someone else, while Paul never got that chance.

Ben is so focused on staring at the green box that he doesn’t even notice Callum joining him in the room until he sinks down onto the ground beside him, carefully running his hand over Ben’s back.

“You okay?”

Ben wants to sound out a yes, wants to assure him that he’s fine, but no words are coming past his lips. Callum knows what this box is about, but because he’s the best possible partner for Ben, he’s never pushed him on it, knowing that he needs more time to talk about this; to get over this huge chasm created by Paul’s loss.

“I haven’t looked at these pictures in years. Or anything else in there.”

“You don’t have to.”

Ben blows out a long breath, shaking his hands like there’s some sort of imaginary weight on them he has to lift, before he carefully goes to lift the lid of the box, revealing the contents inside. Callum tries not to crane his neck in curiosity but to wait it out until Ben is ready.

The first thing Ben pulls out of the box is a weathered, crumpled receipt from the bottom of the box, smoothing it between two of his fingers. He regards it for a moment, a small smile forming on his face.

“I planned this date for us at Ian’s when we actually got together for real. It was just some burger and chips really but we got all dressed up. It was - he was - beautiful.”

Ben looks like he’s somewhere far away, stuck in the memory, and all Callum can do is rub his hand soothingly over the wide planes of his back.

“Sounds lovely.”

There’s a card in there Ben takes into his hands next, running his thumb over the logo of the tattoo studio not far from here.

It’s not there anymore, the black ink long gone and replaced by red, marred skin, but the ghost of it lingers. Whether it’s covered by one of his bulky rings or left bare, the memory of it is always there.

“Do you regret it sometimes? Getting rid of it?”

Callum’s voice is low and careful when he poses the question, looking at Ben attentively to gather his reaction. They’ve never openly talked about the tattoo since Ben drunkenly brought it up all that time ago at the housewarming party and that one time Callum had absentmindedly started playing with Ben’s ring, which had caused Ben to get out of bed rather quickly.

“I was in a bad place when I did it. It was the first anniversary I was all alone and… I couldn’t take it anymore. I reckon, I would’ve done it sooner than later.”

Ben doesn’t elaborate any further and thankfully, Callum doesn’t ask either, just letting him get back to his memories.

He pulls out a photo next and tilts it towards Callum to show it off. It shows Ben with Paul, Pam and Les in front of Cokers’, all dressed up and smiling into the camera.

“That was one of the last photos we took. We planned to manage Cokers‘ together - imagine that, I would’ve been your boss - and live in the flat with each other. I always have to think about it; that I ruined our last days together. Because I wasn’t comfortable yet, cause I let my dad get to me.”

“I bet he didn’t feel that way. He knew it takes time to accept yourself. He was willing to work it out with you, to wait for you.”

Ben isn’t sure if they’re still talking about him and Paul or Callum and him right now but he does see the similarities. It warms his heart a little that he was able to be someone to Callum like Paul had been to him. Someone to trust and look for guidance to. It makes him feel like a slightly better person than he probably, definitely, is.

“I still feel so guilty. About moving on, about being so happy with you, about the future I want with you. I think I always will.”

It’s hard to admit that to Callum, because the last thing Ben wants is for Callum to feel bad about this or like Ben is blaming him even just one tiny bit. But for really the first time in his entire life he has someone next to him he can be completely honest with and Callum deserves to be let in by Ben, even with the things Ben’s reluctant to share with anyone other than himself.

“He’d want you to be happy though. And I bet he’d be proud of you, of who you‘ve become. And he’d want you to have your happy ever after.”

Ben doesn’t know if he completely agrees with what Callum is saying.

He often wonders what Paul would think about everything. What would he say about Ben being a real, full-blown dad to Lexi and absolutely loving it? Would he like Callum despite the fact that he gets to live the life with Ben they had imagined? What would he say about Ben turning the car lot and the Arches around and making good profit with them? Does he think the ring, already safely stored away from Callum in one of the boxes, is a good idea?

“Will you be that?”

It’s the first time Ben fully faces him, letting the photo fall back into the box in the process. He can feel the tears fighting their way up into his eyes but he swallows them down for now, because this is supposed to be a joyous day; the first day in their own home. He just needs the physical confirmation that Callum is in this with him again and that he won’t leave - at least, not if he can help it.

“If you let me.”

Callum pulls Ben into him, letting him fall into his chest and bury his head underneath his chin. Callum presses his lips to Ben’s forehead and Ben feels so, so much conveyed in that one simple action. That he’ll always love him, will always protect him, will always be there for him. A sentiment, Ben is all too ready to reciprocate.

Because he really wants Callum to be his happy ever after as well.

#ballum #ballum fic #benmitchellweek2020 #bm2020 #my writing

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commonalex · 4 years ago

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future ready

future ready by common alex

Listen/download: future ready by common alex

It was around three months after I've been fired. I didn't dare to talk about it much, but it wouldn't that much of a mystery for someone to figure out why the short chick with the plaited hair isn't on the cash register giving wrong change to the old ladies anymore. To be perfectly honest, I was pretty devastated that I managed to fail even at working at the supermarket, where all you needed to get a grip was knowing how to count, wearing an "Olga" tag like a war medal, and acting like everything's okay at all times. Maybe that's why I ended up sneaking into it like a thief that day, out of stubbornness. It was the last sense of routine I had while everything was going under outside the window.

I could barely get out the bed before four in the afternoon. And when I did, all I had planned was dragging my body before the tv to catch some telemarketing and dumb commercials until the sun was out again and I successfully forgot who I am and what I'm going through. Because what other choices did I have really? For the last two years I was jumping from one dead end job to the next, either until I get fired or until I quit. I was leaving on benefits and a sad amount of savings, and I was starting to accept the fact that this would be my life from now on. Like, what else did I really have to rely on? Studies? Big deal, the world wouldn't end with just one english teacher less. Friends? Don't get me started. Family? All I was left with was a mother with a mission to make me feel horrible every time we spoke on the phone because I wasn't bothering to go see her. But even if I did, what would I have to say to her? I was mentally collapsing. So I said "leave it for now" and kept the thought pushed back for later. That's the reason why on that particular day I didn't pick up whenever my mom was ringing this cherry ericsson I had at the time. It wasn't like I really needed to answer, I already knew everything by heart.

"Have you seen how this girl you used to hang out at school does lately, Olga?".

No, mom, I haven't. It's been like ten years since I finished school.

"She's studying this thing you used to like, she got settled, she even has her own house".

Well done for her I guess, and?

"And you?".

I don't know what the hell I'm doing with my life anymore, mom.

"But don't you ever think about your future?".

My long awaited future, huh? What a glorious future that was. It was so good, half of the people I used to know didn't make it halfway through.

Outside things were a bit more casual that the deep existential turmoil that was described by the news at the time, yet I was indeed shocked by that eerie amount of silence that was stretching through the cold winds that was piercing my purple coat. I could hear a tv screaming from two blocks away and the screeching roars of the phone lines echoing around the city, but there was barely any human voice left. I was only catching some mumbles and grunts here and there as I was jumping out of fear every time I had to turn around a corner. So it was just like everyday Athens, only with a little more of snow and fear of getting mugged. My social atrophy made me feel like I was being chased as the surrounding landscape was rapidly being stripped from anything that was reminiscing of a typical day. Like, that was the first time I ever saw people looting kiosks and butcher shops. I only managed to see like three to five people with their backs hunched, covering their faces while carrying those huge gray tv screens with the vhs player still attached or fifteen bags of chips, with their eyes moving around uncontrollably. All I had in my mind seeing these scenes was the word "brutalization". Maybe because all this time I wasn't fully aware of what was going on, or maybe because the news told the truth for once.

I snuck from the side door where the staff entrance was, because all the glass on the front of the supermarket was smashed to pieces and I didn't like the thought of my hands sliced open. It was a mess on the inside and the aisles stood empty like sad metal canyons. People must have broke in trying to get all the toiler paper and canned foods left in the previous weeks. From the expired milk bottles at the back to the unstoppable static noise of the refrigerators in front of me, there were all those special little touches to make me feel like I was working in this hole of a job again. And no, I did not bother searching for supplies. Instead, I walked around like I was out shopping with my mom, opening the boxes of the diabetes flavored cereal that no one bother to take, just to steal their toys. I also found a bunch of unopened boxes of the supermarket's very own faux chocolate milk (yes, the one with the dark industrial waste left on the bottom) that was probably expired as well. But, I was a lady, right? So I took some of them to the cash register, because Olga ain't no petty thief. I got around my place of work and scanned the bottles to find out that they cost something less than three hundred and seventy-five million. "Luckily, I don't have to calculate any change now", I thought. Never before have I ever experienced such relief while being there. I was sitting in the same place I was rotting for hours before the world turned to shit, and I was patiently waiting for a huge line of old ladies to pop out of nowhere just to ruin my vibe with their pension money bills. I almost started to miss all of those stuff. This must meant that things have really turned to shit.

The new millennium have begun just like any other year, against the disappointment and secret eagerness of some people. All that screaming about the revelation, the second coming of Satan, the aliens, and the revolution of the machines faded miserably as the days went by and absolute destruction was not to be seen. Yet, at least. Because the first planes that crashed mid-flight in South Africa and Indonesia didn't appear before the end of January, but all were like "okay, technical problems". And when missiles were accidentally landing on Iraqi cities, people were like "well, what to do, technical problems yet again". Only when the bank deposits got erased people started to cry and run like headless chickens. Young people now would call me cynical, but you had to be there to see it. It was crystal clear that people had all of their hopes and dreams for tomorrow stored into a single digit of a computer. A kind of tomorrow which was now failing to promise anything anymore in front of millions of simultaneous personal bankruptcies. Then the reactors in Italy exploded due to a system failure and tomorrow officially died. This tomorrow that we were told would bring everything to us, from cancer treatments to all of Britney's music stored in a tiny mini-disc. From flying cars to underground metros. From huge tv screens for each living room to the giant digital information highway better know as the INTERNET. Nowadays all of these sound so silly, but the pain in the faces of people from the betrayal of their dream did not seem to go away. Until mid-February, everyone lost their minds. Those who saw all of this coming ran away in fear of the new Chernobyl to leave the rest of us behind to die. Shops, services, offices, all ceased to have any actual reason to exist in from of the impending disaster. All you could see around anymore were padlocks, deflated bodies on the street from people that couldn't take it anymore, and some shadows of people left to wander like animals while pretending to be alive. Maybe that's why the tv was constantly playing commercials and other irrelevant bullshit during all of this, it was the last useful thing they could show to the people that were preparing for the grand finale.

But that grand finale wasn't so tangible for me. Everyone had this type of end predetermined, but this panic of theirs seemed more like a slightly less shallow version of the preexisting self-preservation to me. I wasn't convinced by those who screamed that the world was over simply because it already happened to their world. Like, just as Rome wasn't built in one day, their illusions weren't shattered overnight. I mean, at that time the supermarket was filled with those obnoxious promotional banners featuring the new slogan that was everywhere lately, before things change for the worse. They had the "FUTURE READY" catchphrase in large white letters that spread noisy and ridiculous lacking any particular meaning as everything was collapsing. What future exactly was that slogan referring to? The future in general, as a concept of time and space? They wouldn't have thought that out that much. Was it the future of humanity from now on? I wouldn't be so concerned for this with all those rich fucks that had already kissed as goodbye from their shelters, we were far from being extinct and in maybe less that ten years we could wake up with someone like Will Smith ruling the world. No, the catchphrase probably meant that future with the flying cars and the internet. The future only fools would believe it would come (and yes, people actually believe that). That future we lost just as fast as we were promised for it.

So in short, we were crabs in a bucket, pulling each other down in excruciating depths. This wasn't living nor surviving; we more or less kept on functioning like bio-robots with depression. But for me, things weren't looking so grim. "Look at me", I would say, "I reached twenty-nine and haven't done crap to be proud of, I drink expired chocolate milk and I'm secretly glad the world is ending because every day was borderline unbearable for me anyway, so how good would the future be for someone like me?". Nowadays the denial of any form of reality in this reasoning stands out, but at that moment I was reaching redemption. I was now reassured by the thought of the end, acting like a barrier that could block this endless loop that was running relentlessly against me. "So finally", I said to myself, "let's calm down once and for all". I was spinning around in the cashier's chair like a silly kid and was finishing up the bottles of milk like there's no tomorrow, while convincing myself that once everything goes to hell, my torment is over.

My phone’s vibrating through my coat cut me off the carefree twirling around my craziness. "Mom" was flashing on the screen again, but by that point I couldn't be bothered for explanations. Still, the dialogue kept running automatically like a script inside my head.

"I just can't get you. Do you keep on acting unbothered by the world? Even now? Who are you trying to convince anymore, Olga? Me? Because I know you have roughened up out of fear".

Well, truth is I was actually fearing you would start with that kind of shit again.

"You are getting more and more difficult to talk to. You are basically denying something we both clearly see at this point".

We seem to say the same exact thing, ain't that something? I guess I was kinda doomed from the start to be and look just like you.

"You really do me dirty with all these conclusions you're drawing out of anger".

Okay, so what? Did you get upset?

"Why are you angry at me, Olga? Can I hear you say it, just for once?"

I don't have the time for this thing again, mother, I need to enjoy my remaining days over here.

"How much do you think this will last for you? When will you stop stalling and start looking after you and your future again, Olga?"

What future do I have, really, are you kidding me?

-Are you talking to yourself, ma'am?

I almost slipped out of the chair. I had never experienced such horror before. I was barely held off the bench to help me get up again slowly with my heart sinking to my stomach, only to see a little girl with plaited pigtails looking at me half-frightened. She wasn't over nine years old, judging by the face and the childish dress she wore under this puffy purple coat.

-Why are you here? Where are your parents?

-Over here, come and take a look! But mom told me not to talk to strangers!

That of course made zero sense to me. Just like it made zero sense for a child to be left alone in a destroyed supermarket with the sun setting outside. I asked for the girl's name, nothing. I asked again, she hid her puzzled frown behind her pigtails trying to playfully imitate my posture with her hands on my waist.

-I'm Olga, I work here. And you?

She started to say something and suddenly changed her mind, running like hell to the back. I was confused thinking how would I look like to someone who saw me chasing a little girl in there, but then I reminded myself that probably nobody would be left to live to the end of this month, so I wouldn't be considered crazy for too long. I began running under the flickering ceiling lights and with each step I had to swallow my vomit. This little girl felt sorry for me in the end and stopped to wait for me at the end of the far right aisle, leaving one sleeve of her huge coat to stick out on purpose. I approached with an awkward smile and glanced at the strange grace she had on her face, with those weird baby hair that can't be caught for nothing in plaits pointing upwards. Despite my awkwardness, the girl stood unworried and expressionless as if I put her on timeout. I asked her name again. She slips away from a second time and runs like the wind, squealing something at lime while zigzagging the aisles.

-You should probably pick it up!

My phone was stabbing my pocket. It was "Mom" yet again, but I really wasn't in the mood for "Mama". I had to pick up my lungs from the floor at the top of my priorities, because this little devil wasn't running but galloping like a damn horse. I finally caught up with her in the aisle with the products of the day and tightly grabbed her by the shoulders. The little devil screamed and was banging her feet in pain. My hands had been too coarse for people after all this time.

-Hey, ma'am, did you get angry? I was just playing with you.

-I'm don't have time to play right now, please go to your mom.

-But I told you, My mom's right here.

"Where is "here"?

With just one finger sticking out of the sleeve, she pointed to the right middle shelf at the end of the aisle. She put her finger before her mouth to stop me from talking and I followed her on tiptoes. When we approached the end of the aisle and my eyes got used to the darkness I saw a woman laid inside the empty shelf. She was in her sixties and wearing an old black nightgown with holes on it. From her short hair down to her nails, there were ice flakes stuck everywhere as if she was just found buried in the snow. Her face with her eyes closed was carrying such an expression of pain and torment. I was so weirded out that something made me want to follow those ice streams that filled her skin's scratches with my fingers, however her body felt so stiff I jumped back. She looked more like a porcelain doll than an actual person.

-Ma'am Olga? Are you alright?

I threw up all the chocolate milk I drank. My body got the chills and my teeth were trembling so much that my breath was coming out in sharp puffs in front of the flickering lights of the refrigerators. I must have look like shit, because I scared the little girl for good and made her get five steps back from me while I was going crazy and trying to clear my eyes from the shock.

-Why is she here?

-Nobody wanted her. Nobody called to take her.

I didn't pay much attention. I pulled out my cherry ericsson to call for help, but the chaotic hum of the phone lines echoed in the aisle before I even put the phone to my ear.

-Who put her here?

She was just staring at me. I asked again and again. She let her lower lip half open. I grabbed her by the shoulders like before and she pulled out a choked scream due to my clumsiness. She started crying and feeling loose in my hands. It was then that I felt like something broke inside me and I crawled away from her because she would pass out in any second just by looking at the state that I was. I sat on the floor watching her wipe her tears from a distance, all while fixing her plaits and stressfully straightening the dress inside her coat. Every now and then she would throw these incoherent excerpts from conversations that seemed weirdly familiar, waiting for me to remember the answers I had given to each of the discussions. I felt sick, like my insides would explode at any moment. My mind was working overtime and I started seeing red. I understood, but I did not want to accept it.

"But how?" I was saying again and again. I can't just live through this stuff. I was thinking that maybe that's it, we are officially past this tomorrow. Maybe that was the end of the world and the time I had at my disposal. Only instead of cloud islands or pits with flames I was stuck inside this supermarket with a little girl and a dead woman. Was this fitting? Not really. It might be considered symbolic, but still not at all subtle. That's why I was stuffed with anger and distress. I couldn't digest what to feel after all that I saw. And what was the meaning of all of this? To make me feel remorse? To help me maybe? But how? So many questions hanging above my head I began to feel like I was melting from the uncertainty. Luckily, the little girl found some courage to pick me up from the floor.

-You still don't recognize her, do you?

-I recognized her just fine the first time.

-Are you sure, ma'am Olga?

-I don't know, what do you say?

-You tell me.

-We have to get out of here, kiddo. We can't get through it like this. Even now, with everything else going to hell with us.

-Do you really want me to come with you?

-I don't know. Maybe I want to, maybe I should.

The phone started screaming again. It was dimming "Mama" with small flakes of ice filling its broken tiny screen. The girl bent down and put this in my palm with no emotion on her face. I answered it. I waited for an eternity so thin you could fit it inside a moment like this. "Hello? Mom?". Eventually the same confusing static noise creaked from the other side of the call, and I stuck there waiting through the buzzing to find her smoker's coughing that she used to do before starting to complain about how I constantly forget about her. Waiting just to tell her that I was here, I was fine, and the world might not end there. Maybe, somewhere, somehow, there's even some future we can fit in it.

-So are we ready now, ma'am Olga?

-Ready for what?

She pointed at the banner hanging from the ceiling.

-Future ready.

I didn't catch my mother's voice at the other end of the line, of course. I hung up and weakly threw the phone on the shelf where the woman was laying, just to hear its dying snout. This felt way more fitting.

-Nah, not really. But it probably does not matter right now.

-But. I'm scared.

-I'm scared too, being in here and all.

-So when will we be back? When everything was normal again?

-"Normal" may no longer exist. We'll just have to see. For now, get up.

-You know better, ma'am.

-Ma'am my ass.

The little girl glanced just once at the self with the phone on and continue to walk with me, with her palm lost and warmed up somewhere inside my own palm. An analog clock on the wall pointed somewhere after nine o clock and the sky was bruised from the clouds that were pouring snow on everything around us. I put my hand with hers in the pocket of the miserable purple coat and lifted our hoods to escape the cold on the way home. I don't really remember how long we walked with our backs hunched over somewhere between the white and the gray. I only recall that we took the long way home, like a punishment of some sorts.

Thinking that I would never hear again the saltiness in my mom's voice was my most bitter torment. I never thought of such a possibility. I always had in the back of my mind that she would find a way to defy any rule of the universe, just so she could care for me. That's science fiction, after all. It seems I was holding on to my illusions for so long, so waking up hurts like hell even today. And if my mom died, I believe she must've left with that pain and concern during her last moments. "Look at me now", I catch myself saying here and there "I avoided her only until I had to mourn her". Until then, the only thing I had on my mind was working on what I should say when I would get asked about her, only to answer that we "fell off" with no emotion. What exactly happened to fall off with her would be like unnecessary little details. Still, to this day, that's exactly what I tell people when it's being brought up. I can't talk about it without sinking in remorse. I can't get the right words to come out anymore, not even by force.

Of course I tried to find her. Especially with the years that were to come upon me, I needed this to have my mind calibrated just to not go crazy over the batshit hysteria that was building up inside of me. Deep down, though, I knew I didn't have the courage to look at past trauma anymore, and I was secretly hoping I would never fine here. Maybe because the end of the world not coming anymore, at least as I thought it would, and now I have to live with it forever. Maybe because the worst that could have happened to me in the end was the postponement of the apocalypse. And this falls heavily on my shoulders to this day. Every day I have to justify why it was worth it to stay behind, either as punishment or by luck, trying to convince myself that there is something left to do with the leftovers of my future.

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unloveable-unreachable · 5 years ago

Text

You’re the One My Heart Wants- Chapter 9

Word Count: 3,864

Warnings: Swearing & Mentions of blood

Author: Me

A/N: Alright guys here’s the first chapter of the week, the next one will be posted on my birthday on Saturday (or at least that’s the plan).

Two Weeks Later

Headlines:

~~USWNT take on New Zealand after their win against South Africa in their send-off game line up.~~

~~Defending World Cup Champions are showing great promise throughout their friendly matches, per usual.~~

Y/N POV

Game days always make me nervous no matter who we play. The amount of stress our team is put under is ridiculous because we’re always expected to play the very best and always pull out a win. Don’t get me wrong, we want the same thing every match. We put in a lot of work all year to be the very best, it’s almost like we don’t get an off season. We don’t complain though, we love our job. We get to do things others don’t like we get to be on the world stage to show everyone what a force our team is. What people don’t know is that our wins aren’t as easy as we make them look. Our job is hard work, I think it was Tobin who said “Soccer is a work of art”, and she’s not wrong. It takes a lot of hard work and training to get to our level of play, and it takes even more work and training to stay at that level. We all love the game more than anyone, and we show it out on the pitch every match. We’re the biggest badasses you’ll ever meet, but if you were to ask any of us about game day more than half of us would say that game day is nerve-wracking.

We made it through our match against South Africa pretty easily, but I’m already focused on our match against New Zealand today. “You’ll do great, kiddo,” a smiling Ali says, pulling me out of my thoughts. I give her a soft smile, still pretty nervous as always. “Yeah, she’s right Y/N. You’ll do great like you always do,” Christen says with a supportive look. I give her a sympathetic smile, and she returns one of her bright grins. I felt bad because I was a starter and she wasn’t, she deserved it more than me. Jill doesn’t see the potential of our team and it really shows, especially when she starts throwing us in random positions. Fucking dumb if you ask me. Christen was faster than me, don’t get me wrong I’m pretty fast but she was definitely faster, and she’s been known to produce more goals than me. I’ve seen her stats compared to mine, they don’t even come close. I guess Jill is just trying to give me playing time before the World Cup. In any case, I’ll prove myself out on the pitch every chance I get. “Thanks, guys,” I say to them before I finish lacing up my cleats and adjusting my socks. Ready to go. Jill comes in and gives us a pep talk, going over the game plan yet again. “Alright, ladies 5 minutes till you need to be in line in the tunnel. Let’s go,” Jill says as she follows Dawn out of the locker room. When I start heading out with everyone, I’m suddenly pulled back by someone. What the fuck? I turn to see who would be holding me back from lining up, and of course it was Alex. “Good luck out there. I know you’ll do great like you always do,” she says with a big grin. I smile back and say, “You just like seeing me out on the pitch with you, creep.” She lets out a goofy laugh causing me to laugh as well, while I pull her in for a quick kiss. “Good luck to you too, Al. Kick ass out there like I know you can,” I say after pulling away from our kiss. She laughs again and gives me a smirk and a wink as we head out to the tunnel.

The match is really one-sided after the first half, we’re up 4-0, and that’s where we still are after the 60th minute. I’ve been trying to get on goal, but I’m constantly being covered by two defenders. One is really pissing me off because she won’t get off my ass, fucking bitch. It was irritating the fuck out of me, to say the least. If I’m going to show Jill what I can do then I need to get a touch on the ball, like now. It’s the 70th minute before I finally see an opening. Sammy’s pushing the ball up the pitch towards me, but she sends a long ball to Alex instead. I can still see my opening and I’m fucking taking it. I move on goal, and Alex sees me before sending in a cross to the box. I jump up with one of the New Zealand players, the same one that’s been on my ass the whole match, and I manage to get my head on it first. I watch the ball while it goes towards the goal as I come down to the ground. Then, out of nowhere, I feel a sharp pain in my face as I hit the ground, losing sight of the ball and knocking the wind out of me. “Jesus...Fucking...Christ,” I groan while I lay on the pitch, with my eyes still closed. I hear a whistle in the background, but I still haven’t opened my eyes. “Ref! She punched her in the face on purpose! The ball wasn’t even near them anymore when she did it! Card her, now!” I hear someone yell, but I can’t tell who it is. When I finally open my eyes, I’m surrounded by my teammates. I groan as I sit up, my head pounding like crazy, and they all make sounds of disgust. “What? It can’t be that bad,” I say as I reach up towards my nose. I make eye contact with Alex, who brings her hand to her mouth with a look of worry, before looking down at my hand. Blood, and a lot of it. Fucking great. It doesn’t take long for the medics to come, and it doesn’t take too long after that for them to pull me out of the match. “Hey, wait,” I say as they lead me to the locker room, “Did I score at least?” They laugh and tell me that yes I did in fact score. “Sweet,” I say with a goofy grin as we reach the training room.

We won 5-0, but I missed the rest of the match because I was stuck with the medical team. Fuck these injuries, seriously. I’m fucking tired of missing out on playing. Jill’s going to start thinking I’m fragile and won’t put me in a match again. I’m not fragile in any way whenever it comes to soccer, this is fucking aggravating. “It’s broken, but not too bad. So that’s good, but you’ll have to be out for about two weeks. You won’t miss any of the World Cup,” they say before telling me to rest. Thank fucking god. If I missed any World Cup action I would’ve been more pissed off than I am now. When they leave I lay back on the table and place the ice pack on my nose, trying to think of something other than the pain I was experiencing. I lay there in silence for a moment, and close my eyes. The door swings open maybe 5 minutes later, causing me to jump at the sound. I sit up to see Dawn trying to keep a lot of my teammates out of the room. “I can’t let you in, she needs to rest,” Dawn says, struggle clear in her voice. “I don’t care, Dawn. That’s my kid in there and I have to check on her to see if she’s okay. So either you move or I move you,” a very angry Ali Krieger says. I laugh, “It’s okay, Dawn. Let them in,” She gives me a look before stepping back to reveal Ali, Ash, Pinoe, Sonny, Lindsey, Sammy, Kelley, Allie and hiding in the back of the group was my girlfriend.

“Hey, guys. What’s up? Why the long faces?” I say with a laugh. Ali comes over and pulls me in a hug before punching me in the shoulder. “Ouch! What the hell Ali?!” I yell while rubbing my arm. “That’s for making me worried, and then making a joke about it,” she says. “Like I meant to get punched in the face,” I say as I roll my eyes. Ash laughs as she pats my head, and then takes a look at my nose, along with all the other goofs in the room. “Damnnnnn, that’s a pretty nose. How long are you out for?” Sonny asks while lifting my chin to get a ‘better’ look at my swollen nose. “Two weeks. Let me go, Sonny,” I answer, trying to pull away from her grasp. “Only two weeks?? Based on all that blood gushing out of there I thought you’d miss more,” Sammy says with a shocked look. “You know Y/N wouldn’t let them make her miss more than one game, Sammy. Our best friend is pretty hard-headed, well except for when she needed those stitches a month ago,” Lindsey says with a laugh. That causes Sonny to start laughing her ass off, along with Kelley and Pinoe. Jesus, why did I let them in here? Is it too late to call Dawn back in the room to haul them out? I roll my eyes while they all ask more questions, make more jokes, and congratulate me on my goal. But I don’t listen to them, all my attention was on Alex. She hadn’t left her spot on the back wall or said anything since she got here, she just stared at everyone else asking all their questions. When our eyes finally meet, she gives me a soft look with a soft smile which I returned. But I couldn’t help but notice that she looked upset, over what I don’t know. She just leaned against the wall and watched the chaos in the room. “Okay,” I say, gaining everyone's attention, “Someone help me to the locker room so I can change out of these bloody clothes.” Kelley was the first to grab my arm to help me off the table. “I’ve got dibs on helping Biggie Smalls!” she yells as we headed to the locker room.

The bus ride back to the hotel was weird, to say the least. Normally, Alex would sit next to me on the bus but she was sitting with Allie, and Kelley was sitting by me while my moms sat in front of us. It was weird because Alex still hadn’t talked to me since the beginning of the match, and that’s never happened before. I asked Kelley if she knew what was wrong with her, but of course she didn’t know shit. I sent Alex a text after the game to see what was wrong with her, but she hasn’t looked at her phone. Like I said, this bus ride was weird. When we finally reach the hotel, I head up to my room hoping to talk to her, but I guess I beat her to the room because she wasn’t here. I decided to wait for her before heading back downstairs for dinner. Jesus, where the fuck is she? Almost 45 minutes pass before I finally hear the door to the room open. Alex came in and set her things down on the table, still not looking at me. “So, are you done avoiding me or ignoring me or whatever it is you’re doing?” I ask, causing her to stop whatever she’s doing. “I’m not avoiding you or ignoring you,” she whispers. “Then what’s wrong, Alex?” I ask, confusion obvious in my tone. She sighs and stands in her spot for a moment before turning to face me. I could see how upset she was just by looking in her eyes, something was bothering her. “You scared me today...When I got to you after she punched you, your eyes weren’t open. They were closed for what felt like forever, Y/N,” she starts with her voice getting shaky and tears forming in her eyes, “Then when you sat up you were just bleeding so much, and after you got off the pitch all I wanted to do was follow you but Kelley wouldn’t let me. Throughout the rest of the match, all I could think about was getting to you.”

I look at her with wide eyes because I didn’t realize any of this. How fucking clueless am I?? Of course my girlfriend is going to be worried about me when I get hurt in a match. What a dumbass. I get up from the bed and stepped towards her, waiting for permission to touch her. When she nods with teary eyes, I pull her into a tight hug causing her to sob quietly. “I’m so sorry, Al. I’m okay, see? I’m up and moving. I’ll just have to sit out for the next friendly, but other than that I’m okay. I promise, don’t cry. I’m okay,” I say while rubbing her back. She pulls away from our hug and wipes the stray tears away from her cheeks. When she calms down, she gives me a smirk. That damn smirk. “Okay, Y/N. If you say so. I just don’t like seeing you hurt,” she says. “So, you aren’t mad at me or hate me, correct?” I ask with a goofy smile. “No, I’m not mad at you and I could never hate you, you goof,” she says while rolling her eyes at my question. “Good to know,” I say, leaning down to kiss my girlfriend. She kisses me back with as much passion as she can while being careful of my nose, bringing her hands to my face. I rest my hands on her waist, pulling her closer. I take a step back towards the bed, sitting down whenever my legs hit the mattress. Alex climbs up into my lap while she catches her breath, a smile clear across her face. I smile at her before kissing her again. My hand sneaks its way up the back of her shirt, feeling every one of her muscles with the pads of my fingers. My other hand finds its way to her thigh. She tightens her arms around my neck as I rub her leg. Before things got too heated I pull away, leaving her looking upset. “We should stop. We have training in the morning, and you have more media to get through,” I say, trying to fight the urge to keep going. She lets out a sigh, then nods her head. “You’re a tease, you know that?” she says with a smile before kissing my forehead while getting off my lap. I fall back on the bed trying to slow my heart rate. When I sit up to look at her coming out of the bathroom, my heart stops. So much for that. All thoughts of dinner are gone and I’m definitely not mad about it. Alex was wearing one of my sweatshirts and a pair of shorts, she was a beauty and she was all mine. I set my alarm as she got in bed, cuddling up next to me as soon as I laid back down. Soon we both fall asleep, in our little bubble of happiness.

8 Days Later

Alex’s POV

“Y/N, wake up,” I say while poking her cheek. That doesn’t do anything, per usual. This was our every morning, well our every morning since we started sleeping in the same bed every night. I love getting to sleep next to her, she made me feel safe in her arms and it helped me sleep throughout the night. But honestly, I swear my girlfriend was the heaviest sleeper I’ve ever met. She looked peaceful while she slept though, well besides her black and blue nose she was still sporting today. It wasn’t as bad as it has been, which is really great because that means she can get back on the pitch pretty soon. We all missed her being out there with us. I watched her sleep for a few more moments before I see her eyes slowly open. “Good morning, sleepy head,” I say causing her to give me a pretty cute, sheepish smile. “Morning, babe,” Y/N says before snuggling more into me. I laugh while trying to push her off of me. “We have to get up, Y/N. We have media all day today and we can’t miss it,” I say in a semi-serious tone. I have to admit, she was being really fucking cute right now but this wasn’t a day to act like this. “Noooo, I wanna stay in bed with you all day. It’s not fair, I’m injured. I should get to spend the day in bed with my girlfriend all day,” Y/N mumbles against my shirt. She has a point, I’d much rather spend the day in bed with her, too. She finally groans, giving up of course, and gets up to get ready. We all have to dress the same, blue shirt with our gray sweats. Y/N looked like she was hating life when we left the room, probably because she hit her nose while getting ready to leave. Poor thing.

The whole team still doesn’t know about my relationship with Y/N, only a few actually knew. I want to tell all of them but I’m always being drug off into more and more media and that keeps me from having the time to tell them. I was ready for them to know, I just needed a good time where all of us would be together. When we meet the group downstairs, Y/N goes to find Ali or Dawn for some pain medicine. I hated that she was still in pain over the whole thing and that I couldn’t really do anything to help. I go looking for Kelley and Allie before we have to get in the vans to head to Good Morning, America and the Twitter Headquarters. “How’s Y/N doing?” Kelley asks when I join her and Allie in the lobby. I look over to where my girlfriend was, laughing at something Ash said like usual. I missed that laugh over the past few days. When I’m not around I miss her and when I’m here she’s normally sleeping or with Krashlyn or her friends. I wasn’t mad that she was doing all of that because I know she hates when I’m gone all day with obligations to the team, but it doesn’t mean I didn’t miss her because I always do. “She’s doing better. I haven’t been able to be around her that much, but she says she feels better,” I say to Kelley. “You miss her on media days, don’t you?” Kelley asks with a look of concern. I sigh and look at her and Allie’s concerned faces, “Yes, but I can’t do anything about it. She knows about my responsibilities to the team. I can’t do anything about missing her. I always get to see her when I come back so that helps.” They nod to what I said. “Well I can do something about that,” Kelley says, “Hey, Biggie Smalls! Come on, you’re riding with us.” I look at Kelley in shock as my girlfriend follows us to the van.

When we get to Good Morning, America we’re greeted by a whole bunch of media so that means I can’t be as close to my girlfriend as I’d like to. Y/N seems okay though since she’s hanging out with her best friends, and also since she’s cracking jokes with Tobin and Christen. It isn’t until later when I finally get to stand next to her while we’re backstage waiting to walk out. “You okay?” I ask her since she looks like she’s in pain. “Yeah. I’m fine, babe. Nothing cuddles won’t fix later,” she answers with a smirk followed by a wink. “You’re a child,” I say back with a laugh. “Behave yourself, kiddo” Ash whispers to Y/N from behind her as we walk out on stage. The show was going really well, until one of the last questions that was directed towards me. “Alex, since your divorce from Servando Carrasco, have you met someone else?” Of all things to ask a soccer team. What has the world come to? Honestly, priorities people. Not wanting to avoid the question I say, “Umm, yes I am seeing someone. Don’t worry, they’re a soccer player too. But we’d like to keep our relationship private at this time.” That seemed to be a good enough answer for them, as they went on to ask Pinoe about our goal in the tournament and women’s soccer growth. I glance over my shoulder to look at my girlfriend, who meets my gaze. She gives me a small nod and a smile, I smile back and return my focus to what Pinoe was saying. We spent about two hours at the Twitter Headquarters after leaving Good Morning, America before heading back to the hotel to get our things for the plane ride to New Jersey. We mostly went through tweets and answered some polls for the fans, and we played some foosball made up of the whole team. It was great getting to see all of us relax and have a little fun outside of the pitch for once. We really enjoyed these type of days, it allowed us to sort of relax and have fun without having to worry about training. I watched Y/N throughout the day, seeing her smile more than she has in the past week. She lit up whenever she interacted with everyone, and her damn eyes were the light smoke color again. Fucking beautiful, no lie.

“Today was looonnnggg,” Y/N groans loudly next to me. We just to the hotel in New Jersey, and we had about an hour before we had to go out to dinner with the team. I was sitting next to Y/N on the bed, rubbing her back. “I know, baby. How’s your nose? Do you want any pain medicine?” I ask. She rolls over and gives me big puppy dog eyes and a pout, “It still hurts pretty bad. Could I have some medicine, please?” I smile at how cute she was being, give her a quick kiss and head over to my bag for something to help with her pain. When I turn to give her the medicine, she’s already asleep of course. She sleeps more than anyone I knew, she’s worse than Kelley and that’s saying something. I set the medicine on the bedside table and set an alarm to let us know when we needed to get ready for dinner. I get in bed next to her, pulling the covers up and kissing her cheek. As I’m getting comfortable next to her, she cuddles into my chest and mumbles something loud enough for me to hear.

“I love you, Alex.”

To Be Continued

#alex morgan #alex morgan x reader #alex morgan imagine #alex morgan imagines #kelley o’hara #ali krieger #ashlyn harris #krashlyn #emily sonnett #sam mewis #lindsey horan #uswnt #uswnt imagines #nwsl #nwsl imagines #woso #woso imagine #You're the One My Heart Wants

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the-awkward-outlaw · 5 years ago

Text

A New Adventure - Pt. 4

Motion of Things to Come

Warnings: spoilers

Masterlist

Read on AO3

A week has passed since you found Arthur. He’s adjusted better than you thought to life inside your home. Over the weekend, you even took him to the grocery store for your weekly trip. You told him if it got to be too overwhelming to let you know and you’d leave and come back another day, but he took it very well. He asked a lot of questions that attracted funny glances from a few people, but he seemed fascinated by it.

He was even more fascinated when a guy on a motorcycle zoomed past you on the way home. Despite it being February and still the middle of winter, it was a warm day. Not unusual for Utah. People always take advantage of the warm weather when it comes around.

You can tell Arthur’s getting stir crazy in your home, being cooped up all the time, spending long hours alone while you’re at work. Sage, your dog, is his only company. You feel bad, but you just can’t risk him getting into trouble.

It’s Friday afternoon and you decide to take him for a walk in the park where you met him. Since it’s at the foot of a mountain, he’s welcome to explore it. It’s not pretty by any terms, mostly just dead grass and some dried up sage bushes, dormant in the winter, but it’s still outdoors.

Arthur’s mood picks up quite a lot more than you thought it would as you walk down the street towards the park. You let him hold Sage’s leash (you’ll let her off once you actually hit the park). Arthur doesn’t stare as much as he did when you first met him.

Despite his frustrations at being cooped up, he’s been sweet and kind to you. You know from playing the game he has a quick temper, but it hasn’t shown. Perhaps he’s trying to keep it down because he knows how much you’re helping him, how much you’ve already helped him. He’s responding extremely well to the antibiotics.

Once you reach the park, Sage goes running off, barking wildly purely for the fun of it. Arthur watches her with a fond smile.

You ask him what he watched on Netflix today while you were at work. He’s long since finished that history series you started him off with and has tentatively ventured into more adventurous shows. He recently stumbled into the Planet Earth series and has found it fascinating. You’ve come home the last few days to find him sitting on the couch with his journal in hand, his eyes staring amazed at the animals on the screen.

He talks about the most recent episode he saw, one documenting the migration patterns of wildebeest in Africa.

After a short period of comfortable silence, Arthur asks you about your job and if you like it.

“It’s alright,” you say. “I’m just a processor now.” You explain what that is. “But I only have three more months to go before they decide if they want me as an appraiser. I have to take some classes if they say yes and then I can start working from home.”

Arthur’s eyes brighten when you say that you can work remotely. He’s probably just happy to know he’ll have a companion that can actually talk back.

When you reach the cave where he came out of, with the funny drawing that ended up being the portal that brought him here, you both stop.

“You ever think of going back?” you ask, fearing the answer.

“Yes,” he says. “But I don’t know if I can. Not unless I wanna die.” When you ask what he’s talking about, he admits that a few days ago, he snuck out of the house and went back to West Elizabeth. Everything was exactly the way it was when he left. His horse was even nibbling on the same patch of grass. However, he said the full effects of his TB slammed into him. It was as though he’d never taken any of the medicine. When he returned here, he was back to healing and he did feel better.

“Guess that means that unless I wanna die, I’m stayin’ with you,” he finishes.

Your stomach does a backflip. Of course, you doubt anything will ever happen between the two of you. He probably finds you weird or is just uninterested in you in that way. Not that you blame him. It’s not like anyone’s ever found you attractive, desirable or even remotely interesting.

“So I guess when it comes to your world, it’s like a Narnia thing,” you say.

“A what?” he says brusquely.

“Nevermind,” you say quickly. You’ll show him those types of movies when he’s a bit more familiar with movies that have a lot of CG and thick plots in them.

You keep walking away from the cave, following the natural trails around the foot of the mountain. Sage looks back on the pair of you every few moments, wagging her tail furiously.

“Shit,” you say, looking ahead. Further up the trail, you see a pair of female deer grazing. Sage isn’t afraid of deer at all. Most dogs probably would be because of their size, but you’ve lived out here since before she was born and you got her as a puppy. She’s used to deer and she even likes to bark and chase them. One time though, a doe that probably had a fawn hidden close by got mean right back with her and nearly kicked her in the head. It took everything you had to get Sage’s attention and she ran back with a furious deer on her tail.

Arthur just chuckles. “Ah, I wouldn’t be too worried,” he says. “She’s a smart girl.”

“Yeah, but she has her stupid moments.”

As if to prove a point, Sage looks at the deer hard, sniffs and then looks back at you. She trots back to you and then stares hard at the deer again. Then she gives a loud “borf” and the deer look up. Upon spotting you, they leap away into the grass and disappear.

“See? Smarter than you think,” Arthur chuckles.

Suddenly your hands bump into each other as you walk. You both pass awkward apologies and “it was my fault, you’re fine”. However, you can’t help but feel like your hand’s burning where his touched yours.

The next morning, you take him to the Smith and Edwards Hardware store in the south end of the valley. You love coming here, it has all sorts of odds and ends for decent prices. It’s also definitely a store Arthur would like. There’s hunting gear, camping gear, things for owning and riding horses. And most importantly: clothes fit for a cowboy.

After first meeting him, you bought him a couple of cheap shirts and jeans, but they were generic and, as mentioned, cheap. You could tell he didn’t like them and was fine wearing his blue button up shirt.

When you get to the store and go to the shirt section, you spread your arms and say “Mr. Morgan, go find whatever clothes you like and pick to your heart’s desire!”

“Morgan?” you hear a voice say. Turning around, you find a boy in his early twenties maybe. He’s looking hard at Arthur. “Hey, you do look just like Arthur Morgan! Nice cosplay, man! You’re killing it!”

He asks Arthur to take a couple of pictures. Since you’ve introduced him to the widespread functions of phones already, he’s not shocked by the camera in the man’s hand. He is shocked that he recognized him, but he graciously takes photos with him with a flabbergasted smile.

When the man thanks him and walks off, Arthur turns to you. “A’right, spill,” he says.

“What?” you say, trying to sound dumb.

“How in the hell do so many people know me? You knew my name the second you set eyes on me and so did he. What, am I a historical figure or something?” He scoffs at this thought.

“Not exactly,” you say. You haven’t brushed up on the game or video games at all in fact.

“Listen, Arthur, I know it’s not ideal, but I will explain it all when it’s the right time. When you’ve gotten a little more used to… this world, I’ll show you. You might not like it though.”

He just huffs. “Fine. But at least tell me the general idea of it. I deserve to know that much at least.”

You really don’t want to do this in a store where other people can hear you, so you tell him you’ll explain it in the car.

Arthur just shrugs his shoulders and goes around picking out a few shirts and two pairs of jeans. You browse the isles of vintage candy for a moment, stalling to go check out. How in the hell are you going to explain this?

The inevitable comes and soon you’re in the car, driving home with Arthur. He brings the subject up again.

“Okay, Arthur. There’s something called a video game. Video games are a sort of… type of visual story telling but not like movies. You get to play the main character of the game and kind of experience it as if you were them. Well, a couple years back, a game came out that focused on you after things fell apart in Blackwater for the game. It follows you until…”

“Until what?” he says in a deep growl. This is clearly not what he was expecting.

“Well, until you end up… dying.”

He sighs heavily. “It’s the TB, ain’t it?”

You nod, deciding not to go into the complications of the four possible endings in the game. “Yeah. Then the game switches perspective to John Marston a few years after. It won a lot of awards and people raved that it changed the industry of video games. It made a lot of waves. Think about it, Arthur. You’re famous!”

He sighs again and looks out the window. “Famous for dyin’ or bein’ a damn fool, I guess. I think… Dutch has changed, Y/N. When we got back from Guarma, and when we were there too, he just… liked killin’ folk I think.”

You grab his hand and squeeze it reassuringly before you can stop yourself. “I know, Arthur. I’ve played the game. A few times, actually. And I know what happens to Dutch. But you try. You try your hardest to help him see reason and when that doesn’t work to get John and his family out. You’re a good man, Arthur.”

“I’m not, Y/N. You don’t know the things I done.”

“But I do, Arthur. Obviously not everything, but I know a good chunk of it. I know a lot more than you think, in fact. Now I don’t have a lot of faith in people. Think everyone is out for themselves, more than happy to step on the little people. I’ve been one of them for longer than I care to admit. But trust me when I say I know you and you’re a good man. You may have made some poor decisions, but who hasn’t? We’ve all done things, said things, intentionally hurt people and later regretted it. But you try. You try to do better, to make up for them. Besides, no one’s inherently good or evil. We all have both inside us.”

He sighs again and looks at you as you stop at a light. His hand flips up to meet yours and you swear you feel him squeeze it. “Thank you, Y/N. I got real lucky when I stepped out of that cave and bumped into you.”

You’re glad the light turns green so you have an excuse to look away and hide your blush.

#rdr2 fanfic #red dead fanfic #arthur morgan #arthur morgan x female reader #a new adventure #i'm awkward

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stachmousworld · 4 years ago

Text

‘Til the end of the line

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers; Stuckony (Steve x Tony x Bucky); Bucky Barnes/Tony Stark

Tags/Trigger warnings: Suicidal ideation, suicide attempts, depression, self harm, heartbreak, mental abuse

Words: 7940

Summary: Steve is in love with Bucky and he is in love with Tony. Bucky is in love with Tony and he is in love with Steve. Tony is secretely in love with Steve and totally in love with Bucky.The problem? Tony is still affected by what happened in Siberia and will do everything to punish Steve and Steve will let him, because it's his only chance to be with Tony.In the darkest time, only one of them will find peace and love.

It was Steve’s idea. He noticed how Bucky looked so torn between Tony and he, so Steve had told him he could have them both, if Tony was on board of course. Plus, Steve already had feelings for Tony so it hadn’t been a hard decision to make.

Only…Tony didn’t really talk to Steve, other than some greetings outside of the field and some orders or responses when they were fighting against a villain. But it hasn’t always been like that, Steve reminded himself. They were doing better than after Siberia. Back then, Tony wouldn’t even look at Steve. He would leave the room whenever Steve entered and he’d stay cold, only relaxing and joking with the others when Steve wasn’t around. If it wasn’t the silent treatment, he would throw acerbic remarks at him every time he saw him.

Steve, who hadn’t wanted the team to be impacted more than it was, had decided to avoid any communal areas and let them rekindle without him. He could always talk privately with each of them outside the Tower or when Tony was in the workshop. It wasn’t ideal but it was the best decision so far.

Sam hadn’t liked it at all. He had noticed the way Steve was acting around the Tower, looking everywhere before entering the room and even then, every time the elevator doors would open, he’d tense until he was sure Tony wasn’t here.

So how come his feelings never died? He had asked Sam, defeated.

Sam didn’t have any answer. It could be his guilt mixed with loneliness and a fear of disappointing. Steve would do anything for his team, and everything for Tony…to make it right. That’s why he’d accept this treatment. He needed Tony’s forgiveness to move on, which for Sam, wasn’t healthy. And perhaps it wasn’t…but now Bucky was half in love with Tony, where was his place?

To be honest, it was selfishness which pushed him to tell Bucky it was okay to date both of them. Steve strongly believed that what was between Bucky and he would never die. There was an indescribable bond between them. It has always been them together against the world and it would always be. Steve didn’t see his life without Bucky. Not anymore. The last time he thought he’d lost Bucky for good Steve has spiraled out of control and crashed the plane in Antarctica. Most would assume he didn’t have the choice, but Steve knew…he knew deep down that it’d be better dead than alive without Bucky.

Now the situation between Tony and Steve was a little better. Tony would look at him and stay in the same room, but he’d never engage any discussion or talk longer than a few minutes with Steve.

If at first Steve had been hurt and maybe surprised by Tony’s unusual coldness, he was now used to it. it didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt less. Although Tony wasn’t talking to him anymore, Steve feelings kept growing. And seeing Bucky with Tony only made it difficult for him to stay passive and wait until Tony came to him. Because that’s what the genius said. He needed time, but he’ll come eventually around, for Bucky’s sake.

Sure, it was not a heartwarming declaration of love, but Steve took it the same and his hope kept growing. Bucky told him that Tony was slowly opening himself to him and talking more about Steve, that Tony needed more time, he was undecisive because of what happened in the bunker. So Steve for once in a long time had to stay put and not do anything rash.

To make their “relationship” work, Tony had been the one to offer a planning for the week. There were days where Tony and Bucky would be together and other days where it was Steve and Bucky’s turn. Steve had frowned. He had tried to come up with the best way to talk his mind without sounding condescending or aggressive. The only words he had been able to say were. “And what about us?”

Tony has chuckled humorlessly. “There is no us Cap…” Bucky had let out tired groan and whispered Tony’s name. To which the other brunette had rolled his eyes. “At least not for now.” He had grunted.

Steve had been half-satisfied. Tony had not sound particularly happy but maybe…maybe if Steve proved him that he was good, that he also deserve his love, maybe Tony would soften.

It still hadn’t happened.

After a few weeks, then a few months, Tony still didn’t seem interested in Steve at all. Despite everything Bucky told him, Steve didn’t see a positive change. As if once Tony had Bucky, he discarded Steve for good.

And if he was being honest, Bucky didn’t really seem to care much. Steve shook his head and tried to keep intrusive thoughts out of his mind. Bucky and Steve were together till the end of the line. It was their first promise.

And Bucky has never broken his promises before.

They were going “steady”. Bucky and Tony went on dates on Saturdays, Fridays and Wednesdays and Steve had the other days. He had been fine with this. At first. He hadn’t wanted to fight Tony, nor hurt Bucky who seemed overjoy, so he let all of his insecurities flow away.

It shouldn’t have been a long-term plan. It was supposed to help Tony and Steve build something. Or that was what Bucky and Tony told him. It’d be momentary they said. Be patient, Tony is only afraid to be open again, but he loves you, Bucky reassured him.

And Steve believed both of them. Why wouldn’t he?

The main problem he had with this planning was that Bucky was always exhausted after Tony’s date and would turn down everything Steve offered. Bucky would sleep most of the day and would whine whenever Steve offered to go outside.

Steve didn’t once show his hurt. He couldn’t force Bucky to go outside and whatever grudges or else he held against Tony melt as soon as he reasoned himself. He couldn’t be mad at Tony. If Steve hadn’t tried to incapacitate him in the bunker and lied about his parents, Tony would have talked to him and maybe be with him. He could only blame himself. And it wasn’t fair to vent to Bucky who would have had to stay impartial between his two lovers.

So, Steve was stuck. Sure, he could talk about it to Sam, but his friend already gave him his advice. Steve had to stop this simulacre of relationship and move out of the Tower. Contrary to him, Sam didn’t believe that Tony was that innocent, and he has warned Steve to stay on his guard. Steve hadn’t asked for more. He knew…he understood the implication. He understood all the blanks in their conversation.

It was clear as crystal and yet Steve didn’t acknowledge any of it.

When it was Steve’s days, he would cuddle with Bucky and take care of him during the day. They’d never really go out, unless Tony was out of the city. And even then, Bucky would comment each activity and compare it to what they’d done with Tony.

The new restaurant Steve wanted to eat at? Bucky and Tony already went there, and Tony had rented the entire building.

The science expo? Tony had seats and tickets since his company donated and created most of them.

Museums? They had visited multiple new museums and had the privilege to talk to the artists. They even were invited to premiers.

Steve painted Bucky? One of the painters Tony and Bucky met asked Bucky if he could paint him. Tony later bought the painting an absurd amount of money.

A gift? Maybe a jewel? Tony bought a watch, a ring, necklace and various jewels to Bucky.

A walk in the park? Tony flew Bucky to South-Africa for a Safari.

Steve has stopped asking for outdoors activities and tried to innovate instead. They’d play games, Steve would paint Bucky when he was napping, and they’d eat something Steve had prepared. Simple days like that were precious to Steve. Even if deep down he wished to go outside with at least one of his boyfriends and kiss him. There again, he couldn’t. Not anymore.

Since Tony and Bucky had been photographed holding hands and kissing, the entire world knew that they were together. Steve, at the time, hadn’t understood what it truly meant for him. For all of them.

And Tony, for the first time, had talked to Steve. He had explained how now it was better if Steve and Bucky didn’t hold hands or kiss outside because the press would have a field day.

Bucky had looked annoyed. Steve remembered Bucky arguing with Tony, while he had still been staring at the pictures, more precisely the title.

The couple Winterion engaged?!

The picture was a zoom of their intertwined hands. A gorgeous and intricate ring shone on Bucky’s finger.

“Engaged?” Steve had asked dumbly, while massaging the middle of his chest trying to help uncoil the pressure.

They both had stopped talking.

“No, Stevie. It’s only a ring Tony bought me,” Bucky had explained softly. He had grabbed Steve’s hand and kissed his knuckles. “I would – we would never do that to you, punk.”

The nickname had hurt him more than the picture. Why was it that Tony was ‘sweetheart’, ‘baby’ and Steve was still ‘punk’? He had shaken his head trying to get these thoughts out.

“Well…” Tony had started, somewhat sheepish.

“Don’t start Tony,” Bucky had warned.

“I’m just saying. I told you it wasn’t a simple gift. To be honest, it’s a promise ring…for when you’ll be ready to…”

Steve had stood up and walked out of the room. Bucky had grabbed him by the elbow making him stop. He had turned around and stared into Bucky’s worried eyes. He didn’t remember what came to his mind but the feeling never left. He had enough of all of this. Of being pushed around and used. Bucky had tried to say something and Steve for once hadn’t helped him. He hadn’t smile, nor relaxed his stance. No. He had stood still and waited like they had been conditioning to do.

Suddenly, Bucky had looked behind him toward Tony, who had still been standing there, shoulders hunched and teary eyes. Steve had noticed how Bucky longed to go at his side. The lack of assertiveness or doubt in Bucky’s mind had flared his anger and cemented his resolves. Officially done, Steve had huffed, yanked his arm free and left the room.

This time Bucky hadn’t tried to stop him.

Steve was trying his best. He did everything they asked and even then, he felt like losing. Like they were playing a game he didn’t know the rules. When he thought about the past few months, a few things had pained him, but nothing like the pictures or the lack of touch between Bucky and him.

Steve and Bucky didn’t do more than kiss. The first few times Steve has tried to go further, Bucky had pushed him away and told him to go slower. He wasn’t ready for more, which Steve understood. Bucky didn’t like being touched on the scar on his left shoulder and nothing under the pants.

Even some kisses left him, reeling back and tensed, which Steve also understood, with the whole torture and Hydra touching him and using him. Steve was gentle. He never went further than a few kisses and would cool off in the shower. He never wanted Bucky to feel uneased around him. He’d reassure him telling him that they had the rest of their lives to discover each other’s body, that he could and would wait.

But maybe, Steve had been too naïve. Maybe, Bucky had only been disgusting by his touch; because it seemed that he accepted Tony’s touch, kisses and dick quite well.

He found out the truth by mistake. He had been looking around for a way to surprise Bucky with the help of Friday. Unsure of what to do and scared that Bucky was already coming to their room, he had asked Friday to show a live recording of Bucky.

On the screen, Bucky was getting fucked by Tony. They were kissing like Steve wish they’d do, they were touching each other and fucking each other like Steve wished they’d do.

The surprise long forgotten Steve’s mind racked all his memories. All the times spent with Bucky. All the reasons he gave. All the time he told him that Tony and he didn’t go as far as a few kisses. All of that…lies?

Even then, Steve had forgiven and moved on. Maybe if Bucky didn’t like his touches it was because of…Steve’s brain hadn’t been able to provide an answer. There had been no reason for all of Bucky’s lies. And if Bucky had lied about that, how could Steve be sure he had told the truth about the rest, about Tony being “ready” to forgive him, about Tony’s “feelings” for Steve.

But Steve ended up forgiving them and moved on. He had pushed what he’d seen in the back of his mind and locked this door.

Bucky would never lie to him if there wasn’t a good reason.

A few weeks passed with Steve pretending to be okay. He pretended to eat. He pretended to be happy when he smiled. He pretended to go for a run when all he did was running to the roof, overriding Friday and sitting on the edge. He pretended that intrusive thoughts didn’t get a hold onto him. He pretended to still be alive when all he felt was death.

But he kept pretending and he did it mighty good. Or Bucky didn’t care anymore, an insidious thought retorted.

Then Tony was on a business trip and they were all alone. If Bucky had been blind when Tony was present in the Tower, it hadn’t taken long for him to notice how silent Steve were.

And Steve noticed his presence, lurking behind whenever he was in the communal room. He noticed how cautious he was around him, not really knowing what to do and what to say, but he tried. Weirdly, the thought didn’t bring any particular positive feelings. He felt numb.

A few days passed, with Bucky staying near Steve and observing until Steve had to go out. There was an exposition and a few of his paintings would be exposed. He had already asked Bucky who had declined because it was Tony’s day. So Steve hadn’t pushed the matter and since Tony was still out of town he didn’t ask Bucky again.

That night, he took a shower, combed his beard and wore the expensive suit Nat’ chose for him. As he passed by the living room where Bucky was talking in hush with Tony, Steve grabbed his moto keys and jacket.

“Steve? Where are you going?” Bucky asked, surprised and poorly concealed concern.

Steve played with his key. “I have an exposition. My paintings are going to be exposed tonight.”

“What?” Tony and Bucky exclaimed at the same time.

“You didn’t tell me you finished any of your paintings,” Bucky said.

Steve kept walking.

“Do you even care?” He whispered loud enough for Bucky heard.

“What did he say?” Tony’s voice reverberated in the room.

“Nothing, baby.” Steve expected the pain to come. Nothing. He kept walking.

“Do you want me to join you?” Bucky said behind him, he was running toward him, with his phone and Tony still on.

Steve entered the elevator and turned around. “It’s Tony’s day, isn’t? Enjoy your night together.”

The door closed on Bucky’s crestfallen face. “Steve…” He whispered, sadly.

The night went perfectly and to his surprise he met wonderful people who invited him to the restaurant. They spent the entire time talking about Arts, whether it was writing, painting, singing, any form of arts. Steve for once in a few months let a genuine smile bloom on his face.

And when they left the restaurant and he walked back to the Tower, the advice of Sam to find his own place to live grew on him. His own place. Just for him.

That night he didn’t go to bed with Bucky, who was already asleep. Steve slept on the couch instead, dreaming of a near future where he’d be free.

But it wasn’t for now.

During the remaining of the days without Tony, Bucky had been perfect. Really. He had offered multiple outdoor activities, they went to the restaurant, he asked questions about Steve’s hobbies and he seemed genuinely concerned by his wellbeing. Steve had tried to stay emotionless by this change of emotion and he did succeed until Tony called him.

He had thought of a prank at first, but he still jumped on his phone, excitation running through his body.

“Hello, Steve?” Tony asked, calmly.

“Ton-Tony?”

“Yeah, how are you?” Tony asked with ease, as if they called each other every day.

“As good as one can be. And you? Are you taking care of yourself? I know when you are on a business trip you tend to be as unaware of your basics needs.”

Silence. Steve cursed. Too much information, too soon. God, I’ve fucked up…he groaned inwardly.

“Whoa I didn’t know you honestly cared,” Tony chuckled, albeit serious.

“I know I haven’t been the best above toward you, Tony. I know I hurt you and I…” He choked up. “I’m sorry. It won’t probably change anything, but I do love you.”

Tony stayed silence for a while, enough for Steve to think he was gone.

“Cap’…” He started slowly.

“You don’t have to reply. I know you don’t love me like that and it’s okay. Your pain is valid,” Steve cut him off quickly.

Tony breath grew quicker. Steve glanced at the phone ready to ask if he was okay.

“Cap’…I love you too,” Tony pronounced quickly before hanging up.

For a long time, Steve would doubt he heard him correctly. It all felt too surreal and in total opposition with Tony’s usual behavior. Steve’s mind filled the blanks and what-if and shutdown his instincts and Sam’s voice. Now he knew Tony was almost closed enough, he could hold on a little bit longer. The words said in a hurry were a balm to Steve’s battered heart.

And so, he stopped pretending. He smiled more freely, he stopped going on the roof, he stopped avoiding guns and knives, he stopped avoiding Bucky and let himself felt loved.

Tony came back a Thursday. On Steve and Bucky’s day. Steve had prepared with the help of Thor the roof to look like an ethereal Asgardian room. Thor had brought back a few beautiful objects filled with Magic which would change create a dome over their head and project Asgard’s night sky. Steve had prepared the food Bucky loved and even the few songs they used to play in their apartment back in the 40’s. Everything was perfect.

Steve stood excited and nervous next to Thor, who embrace him with one arm.

“Well Steven, James will be more than pleased. You have outdone yourself.”

Steve blushed and hid his face in Thor’s chest. “If it wasn’t for you, I’d be doing a boring dinner…”

“A boring dinner?” Thor asked confused. “How could a dinner with you be boring?”

“Well…Tony is rich, and Bucky can do whatever he wants because Tony will offer him all he desires. And there is me…it doesn’t leave me a lot of options, you see?”

“I do not understand, Steve. You are one of the fiercest warriors and most compassionate person I know. Even a simple Midgardian dinner with you would make anyone happy.”

Steve chuckled humorlessly. “I wish it was like that, Thor. I wish…”

Thor tightened his embrace one more time before leading Steve to the elevator.

“Go, Steven. There are many things in that head of yours and none of them should be present to tarnish this gorgeous night. We shall see each other in the morning and I hope to see you with a real smile on your face.”

Thor pushed Steve in the elevator before he could reply. The door closed on Thor smiling.

Steve paced in the elevator, wiping his hands on his pants. God…it wasn’t the first time he’d been on a date, but it was truly the first time he’d outdone himself.

This time Bucky will like it. This time I won’t fuck up, he repeated as a mantra.

The door opened on the…penthouse. He was about to correct Friday and tell she missed one floor when she saw Bucky and Tony, dressed in suits. They looked as surprised as he.

“Bucky? Tony? Where are you going?” He asked, uncertain. Had he missed something? Wasn’t it Thursday? Oh no…

“Tony had some late tickets for an exposition which stops tonight, so I accepted,” Bucky said, rolling his eyes fondly at Tony, who stuck his tongue out.

“But we are on Thursday, right? Is it not supposed to be our day?” Steve asked, voice small. He gnawed his lower lip under the stress.

“Yeah, I know, but it’s the last day, Stevie. And since we mostly stay at home for our days, I thought…”

Steve didn’t listen to the rest. He nodded and told him he understood. He wished them a good evening and went back to the roof, unaware of the unconcealed worry in Bucky’s eyes, who was easily distracted by Tony’s kisses.

Steve walked on the roof, gathering all the cutlery, plates, magical object and placed them inside. He tidied his room and the apartment. He lit out all the candles and opened the windows to air everything. Then he went back to the roof. His mind was totally blank. There were no thoughts, no questioning. For once he knew where to go and why. But this time there wasn’t a plane to pilot and Bucky was alive.

Steve stepped on the edge and looked below him, dazed. Through his blurry eyes the kaleidoscope of colors made his stomach churn and his head turn. He wobbled and fell.

Bucky and Tony sat at their table. Bucky let his eyes roam outside. The view was breath taking. After going to the science exposition, Tony had surprised Bucky with a fancy restaurant. But not only. They were the only one there. The restaurant, a 5-star because Tony couldn’t spend way less for their dates, was at the top of a giant building and they were on the closed rooftop, where the city laid bare under their eyes. Bucky had almost awed like a child and ran to see get closer to the windows. Tony had watched him with an amused smile. He hadn’t made his usual jokes, which made Bucky’s heat beat faster.

It was rare for Tony to stay so contemplative and to know it was he, who subjugate him, made Bucky’s heart soared.

Tony raised a hand beckoning Bucky to join him to the table. As he was sitting down, Tony pulled him closer to him and kissed him. A soft and slow kiss that left both of them breathless.

“Could it be more perfect?” Bucky whispered eyes half closed.

Tony leaned forward and captured his lips for a tender kiss. He didn’t go any faster than for the first one and Bucky appreciated all the same. He loved when Tony was brutal, deviant but a soft and lovely Tony was as addictive.

“If you continue, I will have you as dinner,” Bucky murmured.

Tony chuckled and let him go, not without pressing a last time his lips on his.

“Let’s eat, then.”

The conversation went as smooth as it could go. They talked about mundane things, deep personal subject as they ate and played footsie under the table. Everything went so well. Too well.

Tony had been talking about the exposition when Bucky’s mind picked up onto something. It had been at the back of his mind since they left the Tower and was only confirmed when they arrived in the expo.

“Tony, why today?” Bucky asked abruptly. Tony closed his mouth and raised an eyebrow.

“Why today?” Tony repeated slowly.

“The expo started today. But you told me that it was the last day.”

“Oh.” Something unpleasant woke up in Bucky’s chest. Steve’s heartbroken face was stuck in his mind. Bucky blinked the image away. “Well, I lied,” he laughed it off.

Bucky barely smiled.

Till the end of the line

Tony stopped laughing and caressed with his thumb Bucky’s hand.

“Does that really disturb you?” He asked, concerned.

“It was not our day, Tony. You were the one who decided the planning. I don’t know…it worked pretty fine…” Tony huffed sarcastically.

“Worked pretty fine? Rogers and I can’t stay in the same room.”

“You.”

“What?”

“You can’t stay in the same room as Steve, but he had no problems otherwise.”

Tony leaned back, crossing his arms on his chest.

“Do we have to talk about that, right now? It’s our night.”

“Technically no,” Bucky retorted, an eyebrow raised. He didn’t know what came into him, but he wouldn’t let that go. Most of the time, Tony could charm his way out of these conversations but not now. Bucky pushed down his own guilt.

“We are doing that right now then. What’s the problem with Rogers?”

Bucky raised his eyes to the sky. “That! You call him Rogers but a few weeks ago you told him that you loved him. What’s all this twists and turns?”

Tony’s eyebrows were furrowed, his eyes were slowly darkening under the anger. “Because you told me to.”

“I what?” Bucky exclaimed, officially irate. “I never asked you to lie to him about your feelings. What kind of game are you playing?”

Tony grabbed his drink and bottomed up. “Who said I was lying to him?” He replied shakily. There again, the fleeting emotion appeared in his whiskey orbs.

Bucky was floored. “So, you love him.”

A small blush appeared on his face. “What if?”

Bucky blinked owlishly. “You spend the entire year giving the silent treatment to Steve, you can’t even look at him in the eyes more than a few seconds and you love him.”

Tony gritted his teeth. He wiped his cheeks and sniffed. “You don’t understand…” He muttered. “A part of me loves Steve and wants to trust him but the other part…the one scared and angry at him is…I can’t let go of the anger. And every time I see him, I wanted him to pay. Why did I have to suffer in the goddamn bunker, through the Accords alone…I wanted him to pay because he broke my heart. I thought we were getting somewhere…” He poured some wine in his glass. “and boom you appeared…”

Bucky swallowed with difficulty. “So what am I? Your prize? You know that Steve and me we are a package deal and you make me fall in love with you, you isolate Steve and what? What is your big finale?”

Tony almost dropped his glass as he grabbed Bucky’s hand in his. “You were never a prize. Never.” Kiss. “Never.” Kiss. “I simply fell in love with you. I never thought of using…”

“Don’t lie,” Bucky interrupted.

Tony’s eyes widen and guilt finally appeared in his eyes.

“You used me maybe unconsciously, but you did and all of that to hurt Steve.”

Tony shook his head in disbelieved. “So, did you.”

Bucky froze. Tony turned his hand palms up and kissed the tender skin. “Since the beginning you complained about Steve. His boring dates, his overbearing attention, his burdening love…So don’t put the blame on me. We both share it. Don’t forget that you’ve been the one forcing me not telling Steve that we wanted to be monogamous. If it was me, we’d be married.” He caressed the ring on Bucky’s finger. “When I proposed, you said yes, Bucky. And then you lied to Steve again. And to me.”

Tony gulped his drink and stood up. He took of his own ring and place it in Bucky’s palm.

“If you really want this…prove it to me.”

Tony left the rooftop, leaving Bucky to his thoughts. Tears trickled in his eyes, he toyed with the ring and kissed it.

What was he doing? He closed his eyes and prayed. He should be running after Tony and confess his love. He should…he should…but why when he opened his eyes, he secretly wished to see a blond head. Why sometimes when Tony kissed him and touched him, Bucky imagined it was Steve’s hands were also on him.

He groaned and hit his head on the table. He brought it on himself. Every time…every time Steve kissed him…Bucky bit his lip to contain his scream. When Steve kissed him, Bucky felt ablaze. He’d lose himself in his kisses and touches, then he’d be struck by fear. If Steve went further…if they made love…Bucky wasn’t sure how he’d survive. For every kiss from Steve, Bucky washed them off with 10 kisses from Tony.

And yet his heart wanted the blond man more than he’d trust himself.

Steve woke up in his bed. In his underwear. He stayed still for a while. Eyes on the ceiling he counted to a hundred and back to one.

I’m alive, he thought. He flexed his toes and clenched his fingers. I’m alive, he repeated, in disbelief. How?

He rolled on his side and straight out of bed. Besides his hunger he didn’t fell changed. Had he dreamed last night? The failed dinner, Bucky and Tony…he closed his eyes and took a shuddery breath.

“Friday? Who brought be in bed?”

“Thor, Captain.”

“Why?” He whispered to no one in particular.

“You deserve to live, Captain. You deserve to be happy.”

Friday’s voice, although she was an AI, was full of warmth. Steve looked down, blinking away his tears.

“I certainly don’t feel like that.”

“You will, in time.”

“I will.” He repeated in awe at those simple words. Maybe he would, but he needed help. He’d have to call Sam and see someone else. Someone who could help him get better, because he wasn’t good…the need to call for his mom intensified. He swallowed his cry for help and went to the bathroom.

Someone knocked on his door.

Steve wiped his tears and told the person to come in.

It was Bucky. He looked like hell. He had bags under his eyes and his skin was a greyish colour. Steve opened his mouth to ask if anything was okay when Bucky talked.

“It’s over Steve,” he simply said. “Us. It’s over. I’m sorry I should have told you that a few months ago but Tony and I we are engaged and we – I want a monogamous relationship.”

Steve nodded. He opened again his mouth but closed it, not finding enough in himself to argue or retort anything. He wanted to cry, to scream at Bucky, at Tony and…

“Are you happy with Tony?” The words tumbled out of his mouth.

Bucky looked surprised at the question. “Yes,” he replied.

“I guess it’s the end of the line,” Steve said, staring at Bucky’s eyes.

“We can still be friend, Stevie. It doesn’t have to end like that,” Bucky answered, desperate.

“So, I guess it’s the end of the line,” Steve repeated to himself, as he entered the bathroom.

“Stevie,” Bucky begged, arm stretched in front of him.

Steve never looked back.

If he’d stay, he’d see how Bucky was trembling.

If he’d stay, he’d see how realization dawned upon Bucky. It was over. Steve was not with him anymore. Bucky finally got what he wanted. He was free. He was free…He slowly made his way out of the room under the shock. Before he was out, he grabbed one of Steve’s hoodie and brought it to his nose.

“What have I done?” he whispered to the empty room.

Bucky came back to his room silently. He never noticed Tony who was pacing in the penthouse. When the elevators doors opened, the smaller brunettes ran to him.

“Babe?” He asked, uncertain. “What happened?”

Tony led an unresponsive Bucky to their bedroom. He laid him down on the bed, finally noticing the hoodie in his arms. He didn’t try to pry it out of his grip and swallowed all of his questions. He needed to focus on the most important. Bucky. Bucky who was scaring the hell out of him.

“What happened, baby?”

“I did it,” Bucky whispered, eyes unfocused.

“What did you do?”

“I told Steve I wanted a monogamous relationship with you.” Bucky closed his eyes. “I told his I wanted to break up.”

Tony froze. “And how did Steve react? Did he hurt you?” The lack of response from Bucky angered Tony, who took his silence for a yes. Tony tried to leave the bed, but Bucky’s metal arm pulled him back on him.

“He didn’t do anything. And now it’s Steve, huh?”

Tony blushed and tried to change subject. “What do you mean he didn’t do anything. I don’t see righteous Rogers not reacting.”

Bucky chuckled miserably. “You never knew him them. I know you hate him, but don’t forget that without him the world would be under Hydra. He may be a pain in the ass, but you have to admit you missed it. The banter, the argument, the intellectual battles between both of them. With Steve you had at least someone who didn’t care about anything but your brain. He didn’t care about your money or status and would ground you. That’s why, after you told us to come live in the Tower, you fought him so much and it angered you that he never answered to any of your insults anymore.”

Tony looked at Bucky side profile mouth agape. Bucky turned his head toward him and smiled sadly.

“I may not be as smart as you, Doll, but I’m not stupid.”

Tony dropped his gaze and took a deep breath. “He really didn’t react?” He asked, seriously. Long was gone his act. He was tired to battle his feelings. He was exhausted to be always thinking of Steve, of this dichotomy in his head, this war between his love and anger. Because no, he didn’t hate Steve. Tony simply didn’t understand why…why it felt so painful to be in love with Steve. He had been so warped up in his hurt, not letting go because he was afraid of losing ground and losing himself.

So yes, he hadn’t understood how Steve after leaving him looked so good and would act so righteously, while Tony was drowning. Steve never answered any of his barbs, he never tried to make any kind of interaction with Tony…and yes it angered him.

He had been so furious. Why was Steve the one who got out with any wounds and Tony the one left with a jagged heart. Why?

And then, Tony started messing around with Bucky. It has never been to hurt Steve or getting at him. Not at first…and then…and then Bucky came one day telling him that Steve agreed for a polyamorous relationship. If at first Tony had been on board, he soon realized that it wasn’t enough. He wanted it all. He wanted what Steve had offered. An equal relationship between all of them.

So, he created a plan, which, back then, seemed to be the best plan. The main goal was to push Steve to act or react. Tony had wanted Steve to be like he was before, when he used to force Tony to talk and open up. In his mind, they’d argue for a long and Steve would say something that made Tony crumple and open up. They’d both reveal their feelings and make out.

He knew his plan’s flaws. Well, he had learned quick enough that Steve was as stubborn as he. He respected Tony’s boundaries, never retorted to his insults, never complained when he offered a ridiculous planning for their dates. Well, he did reply but not like Tony would have wanted.

Steve’s small, uncertain voice had left him speechless. The man, who never backed down without a fight, had seemed so vulnerable and defeated. The angry beast inside Tony’s chest had jumped on this occasion and he’d responded carelessly. He’d thought Steve would be angry, and would react like he normally did by shutting Tony up.

The light in Steve’s blue eyes had dimmed at Tony’s answer and Bucky had to intervene, unaware that Tony was already about to apologies, and so he pretended that Bucky had been the one forcing him to soften his answer. While all he’d wanted was to kneel at Steve’s feet, grab his hands and ask him to forgive him, that he forgave him for everything anyway.

Now thinking about it, Tony realized he was wrong. Steve also has changed since Siberia. And maybe it was what scared Tony the most. Steve was totally different, and Tony didn’t understand how much.

Who was he now? What made him tick or laugh?

That’s partly why Tony made sure to go on business trip so often. He needed Bucky to be with Steve, to reassure both of them that Steve was somewhat the same they used to know. And yes, Tony knew it was fucked-up. He was the one hurting him and at the same time he wanted to keep him near, which explained the last part of plan B. And even that plan didn’t work, as Bucky was still with him and not Steve.

He repressed a hysterical laugh and gripped Bucky’s left hand where his ring shone.

“Why did you do that?” Tony asked abruptly.

“What?”

“Why did you choose me?”

Bucky tilted his head toward Tony and eyed his face.

“What?”

“I thought you’d choose Steve, honestly. You weren’t supposed to choose me.”

“The fuck you mean I wasn’t supposed to choose you?” Bucky asked sitting against the headboard.

“I mean. I pushed Steve away and hurt him you know it. I thought you’d realize how Steve is better than me and stay with me.”

Bucky stared at him eyes wide. “Doll, what the fuck are you talking about?”

“I had this plan.” Tony licked his lips, before spilling the truth out.

Bucky stayed calm and silent during the entire explanation and stared at the hoodie in his hand.

“I knew it,” Bucky admitted after Tony finished.

“You what?” He spluttered.

“I heard you talking about your stupid plan a year ago, Tony. You were so exhausted that you probably didn’t remember me, but I was there. I knew all along.”

Tony let go of Bucky’s hand. “And you let me do it?” He asked, dismayed.

“I…I…I.” Bucky dropped his head into his hands and groaned. “I don’t know. It felt good to be loved. It felt good to be the center of attention of two people, so yeah, I played along, thinking that you’d come around or Steve. And the more we went and the least I felt right about my decision. I kept lying and lying to Steve, pushing him away and he stayed. Everything I didn’t want to do with him, he put it on Hydra and my PTSD and I never tried to tell him otherwise. Like you said, I’m as guilty as you.”

Tony’s laugh made them both jump. The laughter rooted in hysteria and despair froze Bucky. It took a few minutes for Tony to calm down and even then, tears ran down his cheeks. Bucky automatically went to his face and wiped them.

“We are so fucked up,” Tony whispered, voice rasped. “So fucked up.”

Bucky only nodded.

“You didn’t tell me what Steve said,” Tony suddenly said.

Bucky sighed. “I guess, it’s the end of the line.”

Tony’s heart constrict. Fear flowed in his veins. The way Steve had acted yesterday…and what he told Bucky…Tony needed to be sure.

“Fri show me what Steve did yesterday.”

The AI, surprisingly silent, turned the TV on.

“Why…” Bucky stopped when they saw Steve preparing the rooftop with Thor.

Tony’s grip on Bucky’s hand accented. The more they watched and the more dreadful they felt.

The discussion with Thor at the end didn’t help. Tony tried to say something, to pause the recording and take a breather…his breath - or was it Bucky’s - grew quick. His hands – or Bucky’s – were sweaty. His vision tunneled and nothing mattered but the words that rang in his ears.

The incertitude of Steve, his fears, his surprise and doubt seeing Bucky and Tony, the way his eyes were blank and the smile on his face was fake, the way he held himself to still and didn’t answer when they wished him goodnight.

They both thought the video would stop there.

They watched silently Steve tidy the rooftop like a robot. There was a certain lack of life or presence in each of his movement, like he wasn’t mentally there.

Then Steve went surprising back to the empty rooftop.

“What is he doing, there is nothing left on the roof? Right?” Bucky asked with an underlying terror.

“Yes. Maybe he wants to make sure…”

Steve stepped up on edge and let himself fall.

Their heart, Bucky and Tony, stopped. They both surged out of the bed ready to catch him. Tony unconsciously activated his suit and was ready to fly out and was only stopped when Thor appeared on the screen, holding Steve’s limp body.

Only then Tony relaxed. Only then he realized that Steve was alive, and that Bucky had already talked to him a little earlier. The suit still on he let himself fall on the floor, in a loud thump. He rolled on his back, his breathing erratic.

Steve…Steve attempted suicide. Steve tried to kill himself. Steve tried to kill himself and it was their fault.

The suit disappeared around him and he was left raw. His entire lungs hurt every time he breathed. he tried to keep his eyes open and found a blurry face next to him. He raised his hand and the figure disappear as his hand passed through. The blurry face came back this time closer. Tony swallowed with difficulty and tried to call him. “St…e…ve”.

The face got closer, so close Tony could guess the blue piercing eyes watching him, worried. Tear ran down his temples as he tried again to say his name.

‘Steve’ got him to a sitting position and talked him through his attack. His voice, so familiar yet so different appeased Tony. “It’s been so long, Steve...” Tony admitted, delirious. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, Tones.” The voice answered, sad.

‘Steve’ pressed a kiss on the crown of his head and rocked gently the smaller brunette in his arms. They stayed in the same position for a couple of minutes.

“Sorry to interrupt, Boss, but Captain Rogers’ vitals are critic.”

Steve? But who was…?

Tony and ‘Steve’ stood up. Bucky avoided his eyes and grabbed his hands.

“I’m sorry, Bucky.”

Bucky glanced at him, offering a wistful smile. “I know, Doll.”

They made their way pretty quickly to Steve’s room. Friday led them to the bathroom. The door was off its hinges and there was blood steps all the way to the veranda, but all they noticed was the blood. They ran inside the bathroom and gasped. Bucky kneel next to the bloody tub. It was still half full of blood, but Steve wasn’t there. Bucky made sure of it. He dove his hands into the vital liquids search the entire bathtub. Tony stopped breathing as Bucky’s full arm got swallowed by the blood.

“Please…please…please…” He repeated under his breath.

Bucky took his hand out and shook his head. He slumped onto the bathtub and sat still. Tony took a big breath and fell onto his knees. Moved by the adrenaline and despair he crawled to Bucky and kissed him. Bucky lurched forward and deepened the kiss.

Fury. Sorrow. Anguish.

Their kiss turned angry. Bucky bit violently Tony until he bled, and Tony pulled his hair until Bucky groaned in pain.

Both of them chased physical pain to lessen the actual agony in their heart.

Both of them stopped at the same time.

“I’m sorry,” they both pronounced simultaneously.

Bucky pressed his forehead against Tony.

“It’s over,” they both declared simultaneously in a whisper.

Each of them took off their ring and let them sink in the bloody bathtub.

Epilogue

Thor was the one who found Steve’s bloody body. He had been the one to take him to Asgard where his mom and her servants nursed him back to health. He had been the one who made the choice for Steve to sacrifice his body filled with serum and revert to his smaller body, but no longer sick. Frigga had made sure to grant him the strength of the Aesir.

Steve may not live as long as Thor but he’ll live a long and healthy life.

They stayed long after he regained consciousness. Although his body was stronger than ever his mind was scattered. He saw a mind healer on Asgard who helped him get through. Thor made sure Steve would discover every day his world and the many other planets. He’d enjoy seeing bewilderment shine in Steve’s blue eyes whenever they travelled in the countryside or even inside the castle. Steve would capture with his brain every detail, that he’ll transcript on the finest canvas in Asgard.

Soon enough, Freya found out about his hobby and ordered some of his most ethereal paintings of their world.

Thor stayed by his side at each step. He listened to his cries, to his screams. He stayed by his side when he cried or hid terrified that Bucky or Tony would find him, barging in and taking away. Steve would whisper his darkest secrets, every time they wandered at night in the gardens. He’d talk about suicide, how he came to the conclusion that a life without Bucky wasn’t a life, how Tony had become his solace, and how they played with his heart, left hanging on the verge of sanity.

Thor never replied. Instead he offered a shoulder to cry, arms to wrap around his small frame when it was too much. Thor never showed any emotion but empathy. His heart was open to Steve. Always.

As they walked again through the garden, the moon grazing Steve’s blond hair like a crown, Thor’s heart fluttered. Steve, unconscious to all of his internal commotion, grabbed his hand and led him closer to the waterfall. Then, he let go of his hand and untied the long silk robe he was wearing, which fell on the floor silently.

Thor’s eyes took in every single detail of Steve naked body. But what struck him the most was his smile. A blinding smile.

“A smile so blinding…I’m jealous of whatever or whoever was your muse.”

Steve let out a laugh, head thrown back, revealing the white column of his neck.

“There is only one person with me tonight.”

Thor lips stretched into a fond smile. He watched peacefully as Steve’s pale body entered the deep water and untied his robe before jumping in the water, splashing Steve, who laughed louder.

Fin

#stuckony #steve rogers #bucky barnes #tony stark

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embcldens · 5 years ago

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。· . ˙ ☀ ⌈ addison rae + cis female + she/her ⌋ yo , have you meet that POGUE , finley bauer , yet ? — no ? well , to give you a little heads up before you do , they’re a TWENTY year old , ZOOLOGY COLLEGE STUDENT & N.E.S.T VOLUNTEER , and have been living in coston for EIGHT YEARS . since i’ve known them , they’ve reminded me of FRECKLES DUSTED ACROSS THE BRIDGE OF YOUR SUNKISSED NOSE , TOUSLED SEA SALT HAIR , A BRIGHT SMILE ETCHED ACROSS YOUR LIPS THAT COULD GIVE THE SUN A RUN FOR ITS MONEY , BEFRIENDING EVERY ANIMAL YOU COME ACROSS , NIGHTS SPENT UNDERNEATH THE CLEAR STAR FILLED SKY & THE SUNS WARMTH AGAINST YOUR SKIN . usually they’re quite EFFLUGENT & DRIVEN but just make sure you keep an eye out for them around town because i heard can be quite CRITICAL & FERVID as well so here’s hoping they aren’t the ones to undo this whole peace pact they have going on this summer . but just between you & me , i kinda hope it all falls apart . the rivalry keeps this whole boring town interesting .

hello , hello , hello !! i’m bronny ( the admin ) , i’m 23 , i’m from new zealand & to say that i’m excited about opening this place back up again & being able to write my lil sunshine girl finley again would be an UNDERSTATMENT !!! i won’t ramble on about me though bc this intro turned out far longer than i meant it to ( is anyone surprise ? no ... just like finley i too ramble on forever for 0 reason ) so without further ado ... here is finley raegan bauer !!

LINKS

about / stats

BACKGROUND

from the moment finley bauer was born , animals have been at the epicentre of her life . you see , finley bauer was born on march 25th 2000 in durban , south africa to charlotte and ragnar bauer . both of who have dedicated their lives to researching , rehabilitating & preserving the wildlife of africa . charlotte bauer worked for a rehabilitation centre for turtles & ragnar bauer worked as a ranger in kruger national park . so it was no surprise that finley followed in both of their footsteps when it came to their love of animals . animals to finley , no matter how big or small , were ( and still are ) the most special and precious creatures in the world and should be looked after no matter what . it was the first thing she ever really understood and the first thing her parents taught her .

throughout her childhood , finley lived a life many may have envied for one reason or another . for the most part , she had lived with her mother in st lucia where she spent the majority of her free time with her mother at the turtle sanctuary she worked at learning and helping in any way she could . but once the school holidays rolled around … finley traveled the 5 hour journey up to kruger national park to spend the weeks with her father . those , if she was being honest , were her favourite moments of all time . she was only quite young but her father allowed her to not only go on tour after tour with him but she was even allowed to witness some of the most heart warming scenes of the rehabilitation of many animals that had been injured by poachers . it was moments like that , that really cemented in her from an early age about what she wanted to do in life . all she wanted was to be able to help animals in the way her parents did and there was nothing that was going to stop her and becoming a wildlife vet was exactly how she was going to do it .

but at the age of twelve , finley’s life was moved half way across the world due to her mother getting a new job — one in her home town of coston , north carolina . if finley had it her way , she would have stayed with her dad . moving from sous africa , her home , was the last thing she wanted to do but both her parents agreed that kruger national park wasn’t the best place to raise a child so finley swapped her life in south africa for one in coston , north carolina in the united states .

it was an adjustment to say the least . moving to a new town was hard enough to begin with but throw in a small town where everybody knows everybody & a slightly odd pre-teen with a different accent and it makes it even harder . but finley tried to make the best out of a not so great situation , after all if there was one thing that finley bauer was it was adaptable . her parents always thought she was one of the most laidback energetic kids they’d ever known . she had that seemed to last for hours on end and was open to just about anything in the world — something of which they said was a blessing and a curse because adaptable may be something finley is but trouble would have to be the word that describes her perfectly . no matter what , trouble seemed to find her and she seemed to find trouble . which may have been one reason why it wasn’t all that long before finley fell in step with the pogues like she’d been there from the beginning . south africa may always be home to finley but coston quickly became one of her favourite places in the world once she started to settle in .

not much changed throughout her teen years . she was still getting up to mischief , still exploring the world around her and most importantly , still working towards becoming a wildlife vet . not once did the promise she made to her father when she was only 6 years old waiver . it was just about the only thing she took deadly serious in her life . between studying and signing herself up for beach cleans , volunteering for N.E.S.T every year when it came to laying and hatching season , advocating for not only animal rights but human rights as well , it was any wonder that she did find time to be dragged into pogue shenanigans . but somehow she did because the pogues quickly became like a second family to her . she would do anything for any one of them .

which was why once college came around finley found it so hard to leave . she’d thought leaving south africa was hard , but leaving coston and the pogues behind for college ? she had never remembered crying so hard . all she could do was remind herself that this was what she wanted . she wanted to go to college . she wanted to study zoology so she could get into veterinary school . because without it , her dream of helping save wildlife would never come true . plus , it wasn’t like she’d never see them again . she’d only applied for a college on the main land that had an outstanding reputation in science fields , which meant her friends and mum were only a ferry ride away from her if she ever got homesick . it was almost like she’d never left .

PERSONALITY & EXTRAS

a pogue but could also cross over into kook territory if she REALLY wanted to , but this just in : she doesn’t want to . she , her mum and her mum’s boyfriend who’s been living with them for the past 6 years all live on the outskirts of town in a nice little comfortable 2 story home . the bauer family is nowhere near struggling but they’re nowhere near able to live in figure 8 .

a literal ball of energy . has a hard time keeping still . you’ll catch her leg bouncing if she sits for longer than 5 minutes but it’s fine !! give her a little prod and she’ll give you a lil sheepish smile before quitting it …… until about 3 seconds later

v bubbly v friendly . will talk to just about anyone if they don’t give off dodgy vibes . basically just a lil ray of sunshine .

one of the most laidback people you’ll meet . planning isn’t really her thing , she’s a go with the flow kinda gal !! has been caught saying , it’ll be right far too many times in her life even when things have in fact not been right in the end .

will give just about anything a go . believes that an oops is better than a what if . which is exactly why she’s gotten in trouble more times than anyone can count .

loyal to a fault !! will have the back of anyone she loves till she dies . once you have finley on your side , there’s no getting rid of her . she’d kill for the people she loved .

i say she’d kill for the people she loved …. but she really is more on the pacifistic side of things . but at the end of the day , she would fight someone if that was the only thing left to do . she’s kind up to a point . she’s friendly up to a point . she’s helpful up to a point . she’s no doormat that people can walk over .

not that one may ever think that finley bauer was a doormat . because she ? she can be loud ! she can make her opinion heard ! if she doesn’t like something , she’ll say it outright . she can have a real mouth on her .

you’d think she’d be vegan but …. no . the only thing she doesn’t eat is red meat but everything else ? she calls it her personal downfall . but she does try to keep her meat intake down to a minimum . she just has a weakness for seafood okay , no one is more sorry than her . she’ll only eat it if it’s sustainably sourced though so that’s 1 thing

wears a necklace 24/7 that has an elephant pendant that she got from her father for her 10th birthday .

has a big cats paw print ribcage tattoo on her left side ( this position but ... a paw print )

judges people on how they treat animals and how animals react to them . she will immediately distrust you if you don’t like animals .

has an australian shepherd called rafi aka rafiki ( originally was named scout but she wasn’t having that ) when he was only 2 and she 15

wants to eventually specialise in big cats ( lions , cheetahs , etc. ) or elephants but she has MANY years to figure that out

will watch every nature / wildlife documentary in the world even though she knows they’ll make her cry like a little baby

is fluent in afrikaans but since limited people in the world actually speak it she .... only sometimes speaks it with her family

has a south african accent ( example )

CONNECTIONS

to keep this from being any longer , you can find my wanted connections page here & my wanted connections tag here !!

alrighty , that’s it !! if you made it all the way through that ... you’re a real one bc PHEW it got long . i cannot wait to get to plotting with you all so pls , if anything catches your eye and you wanna plot ? just hit that lil heart & i’ll come crawling otherwise just slide on into my dms on here or on discord ( which i kind prefer if we’re being honest here ) !!

#coston.intro #. · ›› 𝙗𝙧𝙤𝙣𝙣𝙮 「 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘳 」·

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dailyaudiobible · 5 years ago

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06/03/2020 DAB Transcript

2 Samuel 20:14-21:22, Acts 1:1-26, Psalms 121:1-8, Proverbs 16:18

Today is the 3rd day of June welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I am Brian it's great to be here with you today as we move through the midpoint of the first week of this 6th month of the year that we’re moving into. It is wonderful to be around the Global Campfire with you today. And today we're moving into some new territory in the New Testament. We concluded the Gospels yesterday, which means that we will move into the book of Acts today and we’ll talk about that when we get there but we’re not quite there yet. In the Old Testament we are continuing our journey along the side King David and learning of his reign. So, we’re reading from the God's Word Translation this week. Second Samuel chapter 20 verse 14 through 21 verse 22.

Introduction to the book of Acts:

Okay. So, like we were talking about at the beginning we are moving into some new territory in the New Testament today. Yesterday we finished up the Gospels - Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. And I was telling you if you're using the Daily Audio Bible app and you’ve been checking off the boxes than we get the Gospels achievement yesterday. And I love that. So, that shows us that we’re ending a certain section of the Scriptures moving into a more historical account of the early church. This is a new era, the beginning of the church era. That's the era that we’re in right now. We’re with just a couple of thousand years into it. The book of Acts sort of unpacks what happened after Jesus ascended, after he returned to the Father. And in a lot of ways we could call this book that we call the Acts of the apostles, this could almost be second Luke because Luke and Acts share the same author and that is thought to be Luke who was a physician. So, if you read the book of Luke and then immediately read the book of Acts you see they’re like volume 1 and volume 2 and this vast accounting of Jesus life and ministry and of the repercussions of that ministry and the reverberations that happened after His ascension. So, the first chapters of the book of Acts we’ll…we’ll get to understand the ministry of the apostle Peter. And, of course, Peter is somebody that we've met in the Gospels. We’ll get to focus on his ministry and then we’re gonna meet this person that is gonna affect the rest of the Bible and we’ll be traveling with him most of the rest of the way. His name was Saul, right? Not the same Saul that was the first king of Israel that we've been reading about in the book of Samuel. This is a Pharisee in the first century who very, very much opposes this new message of Jesus. And it’s not because His ethics were off or something like that. It was that people were saying he was the Son of the most-high God, which for Saul and for the rest of the Pharisees and Sadducees and scribes and leaders, this is blasphemy. So, Saul was doing everything he could to oppose this when he met Jesus. And, so, we’ll spend the latter part of the book of Acts getting to know Saul whose name becomes Paul. And we know him now as the apostle Paul. And we will find that his letters makeup like the bulk of the remainder of what we’re going to read in the New Testament. The book of Acts we also encounter the comforter, the one Jesus says He would send, the Holy Spirit. And the Holy Spirit is the energy that sets the hearts of Jesus disciples on fire and then sets the world on fire. When you understand a bit of church history, and you understand a bit about the Roman Empire, and you understand a little bit about the first century you realize the chances of this message succeeding were small, very small. And yet this message has swept the entire world. Nothing of the early church would've been possible without the Holy Spirit, without the Spirit leading into all truth, right, as is promised in the Scriptures. And we should remember that because it's the same Spirit that is empowering us to bring the good news and light and life and shalom into the world today. So, we’re moving it is a new territory and it's exciting. And, so, let's buckle up for the book of Acts. Today Acts chapter 1.

Prayer:

Father, we thank You for Your word. We thank You for bringing us into this new territory. It's like we turned the page and we finished the Gospels and now we’re in the accounting of the early church. And as we watch the story unfold we ask that Your Holy Spirit, whom we will read plenty about in the book of Acts would awaken us, would lead us into all truth, would help us to understand that this is the beginning of the story that we are in right now. And we also Father thank You for the comfort found in the 121st Psalm, that You are with us, that You will not leave us, that You are sustaining us, that You are watching over us and guarding us, that You are here and You have always been. And we are so grateful. So, come Holy Spirit into what we’ve read today and plant it in our hearts. May our hearts be good soil for Your word. And may the fruit of the spirit be harvested in our lives we pray in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Announcements:

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And that's it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hello DAB family today is May the 29th and I had to say man those prayers I heard at the end of today’s podcast made my spirit soar. I can’t tell you. I was hooting and hollering and saying yes Lord yes Lord. Man, this DAB family is something else. The prayers that you lift up to God, wow. Especially his little Cherry and the other lady you were praying for the unleashing of our…of the potential of our children who have been breathed life into by our Creator. Never thought of it that way but yes Lord. I just…I gotta say amen to those prayers and I gotta say thank you Lord for this DAB amazing prayer warrior family that you have put in here, the ones who call in for prayer and the ones who answer prayer. And I just have to say also, blessed are you oh Lord our God who hears our prayers who is faithful to answer and who daily carries our burdens. Thank you, family. That was some powerful today. I just had to call in and say that. Woo. Pray for our kids as well, that their potential is unleashed, and I think that’s going to be an ongoing prayer from now on. Thanks very much. Be blessed family and be a blessing.

Hi this is Missy from the Midwest. I’m listening to a podcast from the community prayer line May 1st or 2nd I’m not sure what it was but at the 2 hour 28 minute 33 second mark John Ofsoul from South Sudan in East Africa came in and he…he just sang a song with a guitar, the song “they’ll know we are Christians by our love.” And as I heard him sing this I’m…I’m next door in Wisconsin to the state of Minnesota the city of Minneapolis that’s been burned and rioting and awfulness and the song just really really touched me. Thank you, John for singing this. I saw the evil of a man having his life taken and I saw the city burning to the ground and I saw the Father crying from heaven and it broke my heart and it caused me to weep. And I just ask for you all DABbers to please pray for Minneapolis as we go through these this awful time. Thank you.

Hey everybody this is Pelham from Arab calling in. It is the 29th of May and time to call in and tell you guys that it’s pretty much been a year and I’m I am gonna finish this program on the second but they’re letting me leave early. Today I paid my last payment to the house. You pay a percentage of your paycheck and that was my last one. The Lord got me through this thing, which is incredible. It’s unbelievable. I now can check a piece of chicken better than…well I don’t know who else…anyways I know how to make some really good chicken tenders. I work in a chicken plant now and I’ve been doing it for a while. So, I’m calling to let you guys know that we made a year and I’m about to be out, I’m about to move. So, I need prayer warriors out there to please pray for the Lord to lead me to where me and Otis are supposed to be. There are several men that want to come with me wherever I go. And I need guidance there because they…there’s opportunity for me to start something of my own and I’m scared of that. I’m scared of…of that type of calling or what that may mean. I…I covet you all’s prayers on this. There’s so many amazing things happening that two minutes is not nearly enough. But man, everybody out there, think about when I first called in a year ago before going into this. I think I called from jail even, possibly. But I’ve been calling in for 14, I think, 14 years now or 13 years and just another chapter coming to an end and I want to let everybody know I love you. Okay. I’ll here you later. Bye.

Good morning DAB, this prayers for I believe his name is Terry and Australia. [singing starts] The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases. His mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning, new every morning. Great is thy faithfulness oh Lord. Great is the high faithfulness [singing stops]. Terry this is your sister Blessings Flow in Pennsylvania. I heard your prayer request about the 20-year pornography addiction. I just want you to know that I’m praying for you brother. I so appreciate your vulnerability and I know that hit home with many people. As I was thinking about you, I remembered when I was a missionary and I remember there was a time, a short season I was going to be furloughed going back home and I was just kind of anxious that I would fall back into certain patterns of…of sin and I remembered I was anxious about this and I had this dream in that season where I told a leader about it and in the dream she just laughed a belly over laughed and laughed and when I woke up I knew for me it meant that, you know, I’m anxious about this but the Lord wasn’t. And it calmed me and it just reminded me as I pray for you brother, that one day at a time the Lord loves you and as you grow in that love and knowing that love I think you’re going to desire the addiction even less. Praying for you. God bless you.

Hi DAB family this is Will from beautiful Bozeman Montana. And I am a little behind, probably maybe a month or less than a month behind. But I just want to say that I’ve been thoroughly blessed this year with the DAB, and I’ve been kind of holding back on calling and just listening. I’d do a roll call, but I might mess up because I don’t have a list. But I just listened to the prayer request and Victoria Soldier, thank you so much for your inspiring prayer and your anointed prayer. I do have a prayer request. I told a young man he is a coworker that I would have thousands of people praying for him. His name is Justin. Justin is not a believer. He’s on blood thinners and just has had some health issues. He’s a little overweight but more than anything he’s not a believer and I just want God to show himself to him and I thought I’d just step in and just offer that. And not only that but just make myself known in a sense I have…we have an advocate who can go before us in the name of Jesus and pray. And part of the issue of his…of his illness is the stress that he’s been carrying, his wife is very ill, and he’s had to take time off of work to deal with that. So, pray for her healing as well. Pray that God would reveal himself. DAB family I love you. Thank you. This little app is awesome, being able to just push a button and record like this. And, so Brian, Jill thank you all for your ministry. Thank you all for everything you do, and DAB family thank you for your contributions. And it’s been a blessing. I love you.

Hi DAB family this is Steven in Florida. I’d like to lift up and pray for the young man that called in today and said that his marriage was on the rocks and his mother was kind of not doing well and he said he was going through a dark time. And I just want to lift him up brother and let him know that dark times…God is always with us during our dark…dark times and the gospel is telling us…the Gospels are telling us that Jesus went through really hard times and…but God definitely has a plan for you and he will see you through this and…and when this is all over you’re gonna a see that He has blessed you more than you ever imagined that he had blessed you before. And, so, hang in there man. And another prayer of praise for the father who called in a few days ago and said his son that had run away has come back. And, you know, I’d like to just praise God and thank God for doing that and hopefully it opens…it opens up a new relationship in the family and its…we have the…we have the stories of the prodigal son where God does not reject his children. You know, a father never lets his children go, a mother never lets her children go. And, you know, it’s…it’s…it’s a gift from God. Family is a gift from God. And that’s it. Thank you, Brian again and I’m taking the Old Testament man. King David rockn’.

How do I ride when I don’t have the fare how do I eat when the cupboard is bare how do I hold on if my faith just ain’t there some people would say it’s the power of prayer take your burdens to the Lord and just leave them there I mean he really does care your burdens you share but ain’t Satan the ruler and power of the air he got the whole world in his hands he got the whole world in his hands he got the whole world in his hands but he gives us the power to make our own plans and therein the crux of the whole matter stands because the choices we make chances we take laws that we break for our own selfish sake it becomes hard to admit that you made a mistake and then you ask yourself over and over again didn’t I know that the Lord was truly my friend that his kindness and his grace and his mercy don’t end that all of my battles eventually I’d win now here I am with this big stupid grin on the floor on my knees in a jam once again knowing my actions was nothing but sin and Satan’s still telling me you’re going to win he never stops tryin’ and lyin’ Amen but what if I had stayed what if I had prayed what if I just trust and obeyed but what if’s are fruitless because I can’t change the past but one thing I pray God and humbly ask help me a better person to be a better son a better father a better servant for the because one thing even my blindness I see and that’s nothing that will ever change until I change me

[email protected]. Once again Brian and the Hardin family thank you for this wonderful podcast for God’s Holy Spirit to flow keep the flow and yell. All right. Bye-bye.

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