#after TWO WEEKS im crying
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I'M ALLOWED TO HAVE A SHOWER
#after TWO WEEKS im crying#brb i'll just be washing away ten layers of sweat dirt and surgery juices#top surgery#transmasc#trans#transition#p
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ummm. my fic is done.
#I mean it still needs a bit of editing but like after almost four months#the hell (writing) is finally over#it's clocking in at around 61k words rn and im tired#time to relax ((cry))#actually you know what. fuck it I'm gonna overshare about this a bit.#I've never written fic before#and besides that - this is the first thing I've sat down to write seriously in about ten years#and ten years ago I was just writing poetry and papers for college#(I don't mean 'just' in a bad way - I only mean that it's been a very different experience for me personally)#very protective over this fic in that it's been sitting in my lap and in my brain for a few months and I don't want to give too much away#so I've deliberately been vague with the marketing of it. because I want people to read and be surprised and experience it firsthand.#and I know it's supposed to be self-indulgent and writing should be about the process and not the results but#I hope people read it??? I've poured my soul into this thing. a bit. a lot. and I'm a simple creature who craves validation.#it's very personal yet at the same time I feel like I haven't done anything new or groundbreaking which. okay it's self-doubt saturday so.#I should ignore that feeling. anyyyyyyyyway.#I hope to post the first chapter in two weeks. crossing my fingers that I don't abort mission before then aaaaaahahaha#also comparison is the thief of joy etc etc etc#danny.xls#danny writes
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procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally
#on my friends living room floor they love together but one of them has been london for weeks or maybe months#to be with her love. im on a foam mattress from one of their beds next to a glass bottle of water opened by one of them#in a mug given to me by another. the weather felt like my childhood today and it also felt like 2 years ago.#(put space in the heavens Einstein's idea and hes your friend too so nothing to fear) around the table they drank and laughed and i thought#i hope you keep growing so full with the love you receive . i hope your appetite becomes insatiable from how used to it you are#and i know youre all leaving soon but i hope one day you miss this and that youll be happy you miss it#its worth missing i think#i thought he didnt care but he said after exams hes going walk around this area over and over#(this is near where he lived and where we visited almost daily for a year)#(hed come across the bridge on a lake)#we went where she used to live and at the entrance a fox sat calmly. it just yawned and stared.#it felt important somehow. i think maybe their impressions of me will never be close to how i feel inside but i think#i love them enough for that not to matter. i dont think theyll ever know this. i dont think if they did it would change much.#and seeing them smile makes my heart glow anyway. today i tried their malaysian tea the ginger burned my throat#they warmed my heart. hes going to canada soon and hes going to the US soon and shes going everywhere soon ill never understand#how were supposed to live with memories and with seperation and with the past but we do it anyway so i think it doesnt matter much#i wanted to write a poem for the lab rats with the fibre optic wires lit with blue forcing them to turn around and around#something about how im sorry that the two photon arrays burned the inside of your brain. im sorry about the sharp points of multielectrode#arrayes. im sorry about everything we do to you. she asked to see me tomorrow. im trying to have self control but i miss her so awfully#last night my friend talked to me and i updated on everything that happened with love and the lack of it and she just started laughing#and she told me about the same thing from her side. and she told me about how she loved london because she would walk the streets#and she felt like the people were her. and her eyes would go over the people and the bag of bagels and the construction men they probably#have a kid at home maybe shes a daughter. this kid is crying for her mother and the building you just walked past caused#blisters and pain and people died in it and very likely people were born in it. we talked for hours and i felt like#i was holding her hand just like that time she held mine watching a horror film. i love her so much#my friend is a genius and i remember her picking up the charms of my phone and staring at the leaf hanging from them. shes side stepping to#music drinking dangerous cider and cocktails from a movie and chit chatting with billionaires and undergrads#i love her dearly. his head covered in electrodes. she tells me about a syrian guy shes in love with and she says#what you feel and what i feel is like cocaine. ive tried a lot of fucking cocaine.#she says ive reminded her of what living actually feels like and to never put energy into someone who doesnt see me this way.
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#over two weeks since my baby boy passed#i miss him more everyday. and its only getting worse#and i feel so responsible so fucking guilty its tearing me up inside#he was only 8 my tiny angel was only 8#i still cant believe hes gone#i miss him everywhere he isnt anymore which is. well everywhere#i havent wanted to die this badly since like my early twenties maybe not even then#spiralling bad ngl#when i bursh my teeth and he isnt at the faucet just hanging out. when i find some of his fur somewhere. walking by his favourite boxies#his sleeping places. my desk where he helped me study#just one breakdown after the other. all day#i miss him so fucking much every second of every day. he was with me ALWAYS all the time he was just there.#im still waiting for him to just. u know come back to me where he belongs#had one day where i was so dead inside i didnt even weep wail cry weep wail again for a whole day. 👍#but its convulsing on the floor o'clock yet again. oh well#u know the spiel. ignore me ignore this i just. needed to type this out#bb baby#txt.me
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you know what? at least he got his wedding. i guess ,
#liz blogs#knight rider#knight rider spoilers#kr#knight rider liveblog#stevie makes me so fucking sad you dont understand. you dont understand. oh my god.#''at least i could always run into you at the supermarket'' ''thats how i do it too'' yeah. yeah. about that. uh. um. not. anymoRE#oh my god. at least they finally got their wedding. oh m y fucking god. it was beautiful for all of 8 minutes#this episode really smacks you with horrible grief over michaels two best relationships. its not bad enough about stevie#but then kitt rushes to his side after he gets shot. protects him. calls the ambulance. follows behind it the whole way there and looks#after him. god. tapped into the camera in his room and saves his fucking life. SITTING IN THE PARKING LOT FOR WEEKS#AND MICHAEL GETES OUT AND GOES 'YEAH ANYWAY IM LEAVING THE FOUNDATION' BITCH ??????? BITCH ??????????????#WHAT HAPPENS TO KITT THEN 8( YOU CANT JUST LEAVE HIM BEHIND HE'S YOUR FUCKING BUDDY !!!!!!!! HES YOUR PAL#OH MY GOD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM GOING TO CRY FOR LIKE THE 8TH TIME#BUILD ANOTHER CAR. PROGRAM ANOTHER AI. THIS ONE IS MICHAELS HE SHOULD GET TO KEEP HIM FOREVER#IM GOING TO CRY MY FUCKING EYES OUT OH MY G O D#i was right to be upset and nervous for this episode. i was right. i was right. oh . my god.#knight rider is ruining my life actually. jesus christ. i thought michael was actually going to Kill for the first time. oh my god.#im so upset. about the tv show. im so upset im in grief im going to cry#Again.#she threw himself in front of him. she threw -#''haha funy show about a guy and his car'' -- five months later i am never recovering. i am never recovering from my decision to watch kr#jesus. FUCKING christ oh my GOD
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I have another gig in a week and I'm so nervous 😭 I get paid hundreds of dollars for only five hours of work, but it is so nerve-racking and the work environment is so stressful, like literally every time I'm there I'm on the verge of tears or I have to take a 2 minute break before the show starts just to run to the restrooms and cry bc I get so stressed out. And then when I clock out I just cry my eyes out in my car while driving home. But hey!!! Hundreds of dollars!!! For five or six hours of my time!!! Only a few days a month!!! Hundreds!!! Of dollars!!! So it would be totally stupid to quit.
I wouldn't have been able to afford pampering myself on my last two F/O anniversaries (and currently placing an order for a rose bouquet for Six's anniversary for the 18th) if I didn't have this second job... but if it didn't pay me such a large amount of money each time, I probably would have quit by now bc it makes me so damn anxious. The show isn't even for one week and I'm sitting here stressing about it! I have one thousand other things to stress about and this job shouldn't be one of 'em 😤
I just keep trying to think about Ken hugging me while saying "Aw, sweet girl, don't be nervous! You JUST started this job, you've only worked three shows -- you think you're gonna be perfect your first try?? You're gonna be so good once you get the hang of it. Just look at me! I've been doing Beach for 62 years now, and I still don't know what my job is supposed to be... but I know I look So Cool™ 😎"
#my god i love ken SO MUCH i am so grateful to have an F/O who brings me comfort when im anxious#and grateful i am not as numb as i was three weeks ago#i am still struggling to self ship like i used to - and i think i always will bc of [gestures to 2023] - BUT#the fact that i thought of ken and felt some relief is a rly good sign bc three weeks ago i felt *nothing*#i am depressed and miserable as fuck today but he still gave me a crumb of comfort. THATS SOMETHING ✨#woof#plus I'm gonna be able to meet a TF voice actor in September bc of this job#I'm gonna give him my charms... and... say I liked his character...#and maybe it'll make me feel better around that character. or maybe it won't. but it's worth a try!!!#and how cool is it that I get to work in a place where so many big celebs do their shows?? and MEET them???#one day I wanna meet John Legend if he comes back again and tell him I LOVED him in La La Land 🥺#This job is impossible to get hired for unless if you have connections bc it's so... idk the word. fancy?#that's not the word but it's a Big Job and I am SO STRESSED MY GOD#but I'd be wasting opportunities if I didn't keep trying at least for a few more months#and if I gotta cry my eyes out in the parking lot after my shifts that's fine as long as I work the full five to six hours#I'm celebrating *THREE* F/O anniversaries in September which is ALSO MY BIRTHDAY#so I'm gonna need the extra cheddar to absolutely spoil myself. Officer K and Driver are two big main F/Os#and I still haven't celebrated my Barbie/Ken anniversary as much as I wanted#so!! I!! will!!! tough it out even though this job makes me cry. give me that money#I am stressed every day of my life bc I have a Complex Stress Disorder you might as well pay me hundreds to be stressed
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I swear. I comprehend I’m not the best teaching intern in the world. I also was not the best camp counselor, cashier, and so on. But if my observer gives me so much criticism that I cry again I’m going to be so motherfucking pissed.
Especially since she’s asking me to stay late just to review me. While I have family visiting. And I’m gone for most of the day. And my commute is over half an hour. Which isn’t bad around here but still.
#vent#I’m working on it but I cry after like 5+ concentrated minutes of disappointment from bosses and such#we’re staying late because she observed yesterday but#but just like last week she thought my planning period was *at the wrong spot*#it turns out that I did tell her wrong twice FUCK#BUT THERE WAS ALSO ONE TIME I DID TELL HER RIGHT I SWEAR. PLUS I TOLD HER LAST WEEK IN PERSON. I COMBED THROIGH MY EMAILS#I just sent an email with all the correct information so hopefully that resolves the issue#I cried for like two days last week. her criticism is fairly valid but alsoooooo I’m trying to work with my partner Teachers values& methods#WHICH THE OBSERVOR ESPOUSED. last week she was like ‘omg your partner teacher is the best omg you better treat her as the great resource#that she is’ and meanwhile I like my partner teacher but her methods are boring and teacher centered#she swears it’s how she gets through to these kids and I can see that#like by tenth grade a huge change in educational structure would probably be more distracting than helpful for the better part of a year to#these kids#especially since I’m here for maybe a month.#not worth fucking these kids over#and considering the students get to use their notes on tests im just. kind of blanking on better ideas???#even the kids in the ‘smart’ periods are so hesitant with so many math skills#I just want to fix it but I’m basically at the end of the process. idk#my cashier job made me come in on my day off (I did clock in) to get criticized#idk how to stand up about this with a woman who can decide whether I pass or not but god I hope this isn’t going to be a pattern#she didn’t have ONE fucking good thing to say about me last week#my mom suggested that I ask for a compliment when I’m near tears because that might stave off any tears#I’m hoping her method works
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um hello again hk community <3
I AM NOT BEATING THE KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR ALLEGATIONS .....
thank you to the number one superfan bestie @lovinglin for enabling me so bad she made hollow x ivie content faster than I did <3 please follow her <3
#WHERE DO I START WITH THIE#WHERE DO I START WITH THIS#the unpredictable events that unfolded after i uploaded that jil fights thk battle 💔💔💔💔💔#AKSJHDJSJSS MAN WHERE DO I START#HOLLOW IS SUCH . A WILD CARD#i didnt expect myself to like them i swear.....#bjt... it just happened.#coupled that with the ABSOLUTELY TRAGIC LORE THEY HAVE????? I CSN FIX THEM GUYS I CAN FI#BFBDBDHGDGDGDHDRD I AM SO INSANE ABT THEM <3#i initially didn't want to pair ivie with hollow but after i confessed this to lara. IMMEDIATELY DREW THESE TWO WITHOUT A CARE AND I EXPLODE#SHIT HAPPENED SO QUICK AND NOW IM SO UEUEUUEUE OVER THEM#these drawings are like half of a week old#WELL WHATEVER 💔💔💔#shrhfmfkssj eermrmtb yes anyways I Like them So much#i wouldn't be surprised if like half of my mutuals guessed this because HALF OF THEM PROBABLY FOLLOWED MY MAIN BLOG AND GO INSANE#NOT MAD DW I JUST FIND IT HILARIOUS#anyways ujuhm im rolling on tje floor and crying they dont deserve pain and sadness only happy ness and uh Flower a Nice Flower#also hollow is canonically genderless so i just simply go they them but i also dont mind he him either ahehe#STILL. THRY ARE SO GORGEOUS<3#~ art#idk if i should tag this or not LMAO
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why why why why why why why why why why why why why
#i have ZERO means of paying off this daily growing electric bill. if i dont theyre going to shut it off on the 4th. its still over 100°f.#and after tomorrow im going to be charged DAILY rent for being here past the 1st#and my grandmother who was supposed to bring materials to pack and help me get this shit organized just straight didnt show up#TWO DAYS IN A ROW LOL#''im just tired and stressed :('' YEA BITCH ME TOO I NO MONEY AND NO WHERE ELSE TO GO BUT UR DOG FECES INFESTED MODULAR#I NEED HELP PLEASE LOL#i promised not to hurt myself but you also promised to help and have flaked like 4 times in less than 2 weeks SO#MAYBE KEEP UR END OF THE DEAL HERE BEFORE I HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE HA HA#IM HAVING A ENDLESS PANIC ATTACK AND I FEEL LIKE EVERYONE IS ABANDONING ME 👍👍#MY MOM SAID SHE LOVED ME BUT THEN WHY DID SHE LEAVE ME TO THIS??? I CANT DO ANY OF THIS ALONE MUCH LESS EVERYTHING#I NEED HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP PLEASE#SS ISNT GOING TO JUST GIVE ME HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS BY TOMORROW NO MATTER WHO I TALK TO OR HOW MANY CALLS I MAKE#ALL I CAN DO IS SCREAM IN THE TAGS OF THIS STUPID BLOGGING SITE AND CRY
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omw to play emotional support for my mom disguised as ✨fun family bonding time✨ for the rest of the week <3333 there's something so deeply wrong with me uwu teehee
#and i still havent texted my friend back even tho she texted me a week ago and i told her ill text her back this week when i have the time#and i DO have the time. im just fucked in the head and the prospect of having a conversation with another person where i again#have to pretend im not at the very brink of a serious mental and emotional breakdown. is making me lose my fucking mind#ik she's having a bad time rn and she needs the reassurance and jesus fucking christ i tried i had two long conversations with her#that were allllll about her. only her. not a single word about me. that's fine. this is what people need in such moments right#to just get patted on the head and hugged and told their suffering is real and what happened to them is unfair and just made to feel#that for a moment they're the centre of attention and it is all about them. this is normal. this is why therapy exists.#so i try to give this to her but it is fucking draining. and i NEVER get the same treatment back. like she caught me crying at uni last week#and like yes she'll say some nice things but she'll always find a way to turn the conversation back on the topic of ✨her✨#like we started talking about my therapy and i finally got to actually say a word or two about what im dealing with. but then she goes#'yeah im just trying to figure out what's wrong with me when i listen to you haha like i could never cut myself cause it looks ugly.#ofc it doesnt look ugly on you haha but i could never lol'#like thanks haha good to know ill just shut up then and steer the conversation back onto you why dont i. i mean its not like#i spent over an hour a few days back sitting with you and listening to your talk about your childhood and validating you and not saying#a word a single fucking word about myself even tho i was also going through it myself but who cares right. and now im the bad guy again#because im not texting back.#i feel like im finally fucking snapping cause at this point im properly fucking angry. IM having a bad time too. IM going through it too.#I have bad coping skills and had a fucked up childhood and traumas in my life TOO and im allowed to just not be able to handle it#i really wanna break something lol maybe therapy's working after all lmao#oh also this is why i dont eat breakfast. i do it once and then feel guilty and suicidal lol normal behaviour#pojebie mnie zaraz przysięgam na boga mam dość kurwa BASTA
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being moved to a different classroom for my last week while the head of the program pretends she's doing me a favor but she's really doing my supervisor a favor 🙃
#she said she wanted me not to feel bad and be in a bad situation#but im p sure she did it bc my supervisor was up in the office talking shit ant me again this morning#she was acting all nice but 🤨#she's not nice soooo#also she didn't even follow up when i mentioned safety concerns for the kids when she asked why i was leaving#and she didn't ask me to stay#she did seem sympathetic but idk my co teacher thinks it was a favor to our supervisor to keep her happy#bc thry still think she walks on water#im so worried for the kids but it should be less stressful in t2#also the teacher i swapped with today saw me two hours later and she was like: girl i get it 💀💀💀#lmao#so sad for the kids tho#but excited abt new opportunities#but i did want to have the time to say goodbye to the kids#its probably better to transition them this way bc they'll still see me a little bit the last week but not all day#and get used to me not always being there#so they won't care as much when i'm completely gone the week after 😭#but they were crying at thebgate between the playgrounds today and it was really hard#i was holding finn's hand over the gate 🥺#then we combined classes for the end of the day on the playground and that was like 10 minutes before i went home#so they got happy for a bit then broke down again when i said goodbye 😭#teddy was screaming at the door the whole time after i left 😭#i watched thru the classroom window while the other teachers were consoling them and it was so sad 💔#i've only had one cry when i went home before but this time it was half of them#bc they barely saw me all day then i left as soon as they thought i was going to stay#anyway#i have a job interview tomorrow and surgery#and maybe a second job interview#trying to focus on that rn#still glad i'm quitting but 💔
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i am. so fucking hurt right now.
#. he literally pretended to be my friend for nine months just to turn around and block me on everything. vent to my boyfriend about#how shitty I am. all the while I didn't even do fucking anything to him.#tell me I'm “downplaying” the situation of what I did. and at the same time#show a mutual friend of ours “what I did” behind my back. just to for that friend to agree that. I WASNT BEING RUDE#turns out hes been talking shit on me behind my back to my boyfriend this whole time. while acting like we're friends.#I confront him about something. he proceeds to flip out. curse at me. call me an asshole after I tell him something he did to hurt me.#and then he BLOCKS ME ON EVERYTHING#AND AFTERWARDS. TELLS MY FUCKING BOYFRIEND THAT IM HARD TO TALK TO. BECAUSE I EITHER GET HOSTILE OR SHUT DOWN.#WHEN IT WAS HIM DOING BOTH THOSE THINGS. AND ME TRYING TO HAVE A CONSTRUCTIVE CONVERSATION ABOUT HOW HE HURT MY FEELINGS A WEEK PRIOR#AND IT MADE ME HAVE A TWO DAY MENTAL BREAKDOWN#AND ALL HE HAS TO SAY ABOUT *THAT* IS THAT I NEED TO WATCH WAY I SAY AND LEARN TO TAKE CRITICISM#I'm just so confused. I've been crying all day dude idk wtf I even did.#I couldnt even focus in class.#so uh. if you hear how shitty I am from marc. please let me know what exactly I even did to warrant this 😭#wtf man
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yesterday i crushed my middle three fingers on my right hand w a 40lb window (long story, was emergency) and today, because primarily using my nondominant hand isn’t inconvenient enough, i got a paper cut on the tip of my left pointer. 4/10 fingers not at peak function. i cannot afford to lose any more
#arden.txt#my right pointer is Fucked Up it’s not gonna heal for at least a week#my roommate had to change my bandages bc i straight up couldn’t look at it and yesterday i was straight up shaking abt my bandages/injuries#idk how the blood and gore ppl do it#anyways the story was basically 20 mins after i woke up i heard a fire alarm#go out into the hallway and it’s full of smoke#end up in some poor woman’s apartment#she’s crying and on the phone w our landlord and holding up a window desperately#i get on the phone w the landlord. he tells me i have to shut the door so the main building fire alarms don’t go off#bc the fire department will show up and start busting doors and the sprinklers will go off#so. Very Bad If That Happens#my building is historic so we still have original windows bc he legally can’t change them BUT they’re also different than mine#my apartment has wood windows. i fail to notice in time these are metal#my roommate shows up w this older dude named bill and they start moving fans around and trying to vent the room and hallway#i crush my fingers in the window trying to get a second one open#about two minutes later i realize im about to pass out bc i have mild pots#and the smoke + sudden activity after being asleep 20 mins ago is abt to put me out#and then i notice im bleeding a ton and am basically put on the bench to comfort this poor woman who is still sobbing#bc she lives alone has been doing this for an hour and screaming for help but nobody heard her#which is fucking crazy bc i heard the alarm from inside my apartment and im about as far as you can possibly get from her#we do get the situation under control and the main alarm doesn’t go off so we avoid the worst case scenario#but man. this was too much for a sunday morning
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1. it’s my 24th birthday today, so my goal of being published by the time i’m 25 is now a one year looming monster, but i never specified what kind of published and am currently looking in various literary magazines that are recommended for writers who have yet to be published, so i’m surprisingly confident that i can make it work? and tbh even if whatever i write isn’t officially published before my 25th birthday, if i have someone in the process of being published then i’ll be happy!! no matter what though, i’m gonna try to be proud of myself for at least giving it my best shot!!
2. i honestly love that my birthday is on the ides of march because the ides of march meme shitposting is only a thing on tumblr but it also being my birthday makes it easier to like. be excited about the ides of march outside of tumblr. like even in person i can be like “it’s my birthday! i’m an ides of march babe (:” and if someone is like oh what’s that? or if they say something along the lines of oh like julius caesar? i can be like yep!! and even if it’s a small thing outside of tumblr it brings me immense enjoyment and amusement being able to bring it up off of tumblr
3. transportation situation has been very rough since june 2023 when i totalled my car, my gap insurance are being assholes and i ended up putting my foot down on the phone with them yesterday which i’m pretty proud of because i am NOT a confrontational person (something i’ve been working on this past year, so seeing some improvement with my ability to hold my ground and not be a pushover yesterday was very cool!!) i was told i’d get a response from them by friday next week no matter what, and if i don’t then friday of next week i will continue to wreak havoc upon them. but my moms car which i’ve been using since my accident broke down yesterday, hopefully it’s fixable but my parents were saying it might be done for, so trying to think of how i’m gonna get to work next week is kind of stressing me out lmao, but for now i’m just gonna focus on enjoying my birthday the best i can because i don’t want to start off being 24 with an overwhelming anxiety for something that won’t be a potential issue until monday. plus i already messaged my boss today to let her know that i’m going to do everything i can to make it work out but just so she’s in the loop and knows of the potential of me not being able to make my morning shifts (one of my coworkers said she’s more than happy to give me a ride for our afternoon shifts which does help relieve some of the stress!) and i told her i’d let her know for sure sunday so that if necessary she can have time to figure out someone to fill in for me in the mornings!
overall: life is weird and i ended being 23 yesterday with a shitty situation but a positive outlook and i am going to enjoy my first day of being 24 no matter what because honestly i fucking earned it. happy friday everyone, i hope it’s a good day for you and me both!
#aritalks#i did cry a little bit when i first woke up because i dont really know what to do about work and also i hate not having a car i can use#not only because of the work aspect but also getting my license when i was 18 gave me a freedom i didn’t have before#and i don’t like having to rely on other people just to like go to the fucking store or something yk#but then my best friend/roommate messaged me happy birthday and i was like fuck it! today is going to be a good day!#the stressful uncertainties can wait until tomorrow#also one of my best friends who hasn’t said happy birthday to me the past two years#(not intentionally im p sure they were just busy on my birthdays the past two years#and then had that moment of ‘oh shit i didnt send a message fuck i think its too late now’ which i totally get bc anxiety things yk)#was one of the first people to message me happy birthday!!#i’m also hoping to still be able to go see my mom and then stay the night at my dads tonight#so i can see both my parents and also my baby siblings for my birthday#my dads working today but after he texted happy birthday i sent him a text asking if he thinks we could still make it work#my mom is asleep still i think (she called me at midnight and left a voicemail singing happy birthday!! but her sleep schedule has been all#over the place recently so i’m waiting until 11:30 to call her which is in like 30 mins)#but she said something yesterday about driving out to me to give me a hug and also bring me my diabetes stuff that got delivered#(her house is my mailing address because i know it’s not going to change bc it’s my great grandparents house that she’s partially inhereting#when my great grandpa dies but since i have moved out of my dads my address has changed twice and i didnt have a mailbox at my last place so#just for the sake of consistency and not having to worry about important shit getting sent to the wrong address i’ve had her house as my#mailing address since i moved out of my dads at 19)#so i think i’m gonna ask her if she can just pick me up instead so i can go to her house w her and hang out with her#and hopefully my dad will be able to at least stop by with my siblings so i can see them too#i’d like to stay the night with them but if we can’t make it happen then i can also stay the night w my mom and hopefully tomorrow figure#out the car situation. might have to rent a car for a week if i can afford it? best case scenario is my moms car can be fixed but i still#dont know whats wrong with it ik there are two potential problems and one is fixable the other is not#the fixable one would cost like $150-$400 to fix depending on if we get a used part or a new one#if its $150-$200 ish i can probably afford to pay for the whole thing or at least most of it#but if its more than that hopefully my dad or one of my family members can help#and i can just pay them back in like $50 increments with my next few paychecks#just realized i said i wouldnt worry abt the car thing today and also i think im at tag limit to i’ll stop now lmao xoxo gossip girl ❤️
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everything is pissing me offffff
#my friend was supposed to pick up a table that i have that i've been wanting to get rid of for weeks#and she said she wanted it so i didn't throw it out or sell it#it's been sitting in the middle of my room for weeks and i basically can't take a step without bumping into it#there are shelves now where it used to be so i can't put it back#i need to get rid of it i hate this table so much#and after weeks of me holding it for her she was supposed to pick it up today#and she just sent me a message saying there's no room in her truck so she can't take it today and she'll come back in a week or two for it#and i'm just#UGH. no.#like i'm in such a bad mood i may start crying over this table#i hate it i hate it i hate it#and it's so typical of my friend#she always does things like this. just assumes i'm gonna be fine with doing things according to her schedule or her mood swings#im so tired of always putting myself second#so fuck this table#i told her if she's not picking it up today i'm getting rid of it#it kinda feels good to say no to someone for a change#i should say no more often#rain.stuff
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Having a casual breakdown, cause I just found out I might've somehow broken my toe in my left foot just as Ive barely started uni again and need to go to classes. Like.
Is this some kinda cosmic joke? Cause its not funny...
#personal#vent#rant#i haven’t really done anything that couldve broken it tbh#but it Has hurt the whole day yesterday and got swollen#and my doc said it looks like it might be broken the way its like sticking out to the side#so thats fun#when I have to go to and from classes on foot 15 min one way#and the soonest I can Maybe get it checked out with like na xray or smth is tuesday next week#I could maybe try tomorrow but I Need to go to classes#I was already absent last week cause of my lovely migraine and sinuses issues#which might actually be covid#I need to do the test I bought today to check that#Im... Im just so tired of this already#I was happy and excited about going back to uni#and so far with barely two weeks of classes behind me theres only been health issue after health issue#Im gonna go cry some more#maybe that'll help#and then I dont know#grit my teeth and survive I guess
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