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#advocate for ourselves louder
bodiesoflight · 2 years
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#we have so much to add still to that past post bc i think its been hurting parts of us a lot lately#but we ran out of tags and truthfully parts of us dont want us to talk so much yknow share n stuff#working on allowing the space for us all so were fighting the shutdown#to me. knowing what we know now. having educated ourselves for years and years and years. it was incredibly obvious and clear cut. we were#crying for help. parts of us at least. and we can vaguely recall all the ways it showed in treatment and how much you could see it#we resent the system for not believing people enough to see it too#for simply viewing us as a hysteric woc crying for attention#slap on the bpd label everything they say is a lie from here on out#we needed help so badly#so much couldve been done for us#stars.txt#but we cant. change it now#all we can do is try again with the knowledge we have now a#try more hoops to not fall into the same horrible system again#advocate for ourselves louder#people remind us sometimes we're adults now they cant as easily dismiss you again but after everything we feel so horribly powerless and#afraid of the medical system still#we shut down every time#our selective mutism comes out usually#we're just that terrified child at the mercy of what these people decide again#all they did to us comes back and how unsafe it made our life#we're trying to be stronger now#remind ourselves its the past#we can do it we can advocate for ourselves#i hope its true this time around#that we've grown enough to#we're still avoiding it somewhat#but mostly because of external situation based things we cant change#i do believe we are going to keep saving our own lives#we always have. we survived despite. we will find a way again
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birdofmay · 1 year
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And again, as always: It would be nice if you guys could stop making this about yourselves. Whenever we post about our particular experience, people who normally can speak, but used to struggle with it, or struggle under certain circumstances, add on something to talk about themselves. This eventually leads to people talking about something completely different, and ignoring what the post was about at first. Make your own post. We are constantly spoken over even in online spaces, and that's especially unfair because we struggle to communicate even more than other autistics. Don't derail posts about people who never learned to speak from the very beginning and won't learn it ever. That's unfair.
Sometimes I see people on here who want to be good allies to nonverbal autistics, but at the same time don't understand nonverbal autism at its core.
Most of us, who are nonverbal "from birth", struggle with language, to communicate, and to understand complex concepts. That's why we never learned to speak at all, ever.
But their strategy is to "hand us the mic" and ask "What are some misconceptions about nonverbal autism you'd like to discuss?" and expect us to respond.
"Misconceptions" is an abstract concept. Most of us can't just come up with an answer; my mind, for example, goes completely blank when I read this.
I wanted to talk about allies assuming that our brain works similar for at least 2 weeks, but it's only now that I am able to write something. 2 weeks!
Sure, there are autistics who can't speak due to apraxia, and who don't struggle with language otherwise, apart from the "not being able to speak with their mouth" part. But that's rare.
Even my ability to express myself well is rare. I am not your average nonverbal autistic. I am very skilled compared to the rest of us.
One thing about "never learning to speak" is that most of us really really struggle with language, and with understanding big words and topics. Not everyone, but many of us. That's why most of us aren't on social media.
Whenever I write "educational" posts, my inbox is flooded with follow up questions I just can't answer without help. Because most of the time I don't understand the text. I regularly have to close my inbox because people assume that I can process the text and respond like everyone else can. But having these abilities is an exception within autistics who never learned to speak from the very beginning. It seems normal, but those people just are the loudest. Because they're on social media and love to participate in discussions.
Most of us can't do that.
I'm glad that I made some speaking friends here who made an effort to understand us thoroughly, and they now often repeat what we think and want "but louder". Listen to them, most of us can't advocate for ourselves. They're not speaking over us, they're helping us to communicate without draining our energy.
And for everything else I have some posts linked in my pinned post because I can't just participate in discussions.
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I don't really share hate often and even still I deleted a lot, but I know I posted a lot today. I'll probably just be deleting them again going forward.
I just wanted y'all to know what fighting white supremacy looks like. What poc go through every single election that we decide to advocate for ourselves. What it looks like when the people fighting you don't even really understand what they're fighting for or what they're asking you to do.
That the people who fight us often have queer flags and the Palestine flag in their bios and "dni: racist, nazist, TERFs, etc" in their bios. They're people who think they're allies and don't even understand how they're being harmful and upholding white supremacy. They're people who even as they ignore us still see themselves as people who listen to poc and are our allies.
And the people who messaged me all that stuff today are only the people who messaged me. And I'm a big blog. Not only that but my blog is for politics. I signed up for this knowing that being attacked would be part of my experience.
I really, really, really need you to listen to me and reread this post as many times as you need to.
The people attacking me weren't Republicans. They weren't Trump supporters. They probably weren't Russian psyops either.
They were Democrats living in the USA. And they were attacking me for not voluntarily electing a war criminal. On purpose. Literally dogpiling a native for not wanting to participate in a genocide.
These are facts.
And lot of people in the tags today did not sign up for that and their inboxes will have looked a lot like mine if not worse.
And most people criticizing Biden and Democrats are in fact...poc. It's systemic racism. Plain and simple.
This is the average Tumblr experience for us.
I'd even go so far as to say that about half of our interaction with people goes this way even outside of Tumblr.
We don't hang out in conservative areas.
So how it possible that conservatives are the only ones ignoring us? And if liberals listened to us, why are we having to fight with them to be heard?
I'm very, very grateful to those of you who messaged me with cute pictures or support amongst the chaos; instead of unfollowing or adding onto the hate. I'm grateful to those of you that took time to reblog and help tear them apart or added an article that helped validate something I said.
We need 1000x more of that, desperately. We need more allies, more people willing to speak up and reach out and let us know they have our back. We need people to actually have our back and listen to us. If you see a racist take, make sure it doesn't stay up. If you see a Black trans woman getting harassed then help her. If there's a protest for Palestine near you, go.
Performative allyship is so loud, I need the rest of y'all to be louder.
Make racists afraid again
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bonesashesglass · 9 months
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God. You know, with everything going on, I don’t understand how we find ourselves moving backwards instead of forwards.
I’ve never seen people mobilized like this in my lifetime. The amount of outcry and backlash the US government is getting because of their support of Israel is bigger and louder than any I’ve ever experienced.
I’ve also never seen the democrat party so against what their actual voters are advocating for.
Republicans and democrats are finally agreeing on something, and that something is the genocide and ethnic cleansing of Palestine.
Not only that, but apparently they’re working together to create a bill that will send aid to Israel, and restrict immigrant rights. And they’re both so proud of it.
Where is the humanity? Where is the party that actually cares for and values human life? Turns out there isn’t one. Republicans and democrats are the same: they only care about maintaining power.
It’s days like this that I just feel so hopeless, I want to curl up in a ball and hide, or move to a different country completely.
You know something? I used to roll my eyes whenever a book or movie character would preach about hope. It just seemed like lazy writing or an annoying character trait. But I get it now. I see the real value of hope. It’s what drives people to keep fighting when everything around you makes you want to curl up into a hall and hide.
Don’t give up hope. Keep fighting, even when things suck as much as they do now, never stop fighting.
Palestine will be free in our lifetime. That we know for sure. But you know what? I truly believe that we will all, Americans included, be free of the corruption and greed of the US government in our lifetime too.
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I want to talk about MLM flag discourse.
It pisses me off so much how the people who are most vocal about this issue are non-MLM, and they are high key very homophobic in their arguments. Non-MLM can reblog this post as long as you don't start shit. I only care about opinions from our own community about this discourse. Period.
Let's start with the only valid criticism of the usage of the green, white, and blue MLM flag: the idea that it's just a recolored lesbian flag, and that this "fact" must make the flag design lesbophobic. If we were to use this argument, we would actually need to call the lesbian flag problematic for being a recolored MLM flag; the MLM flag came first.
The modern lesbian flag was created in 2018 (source) whilst the MLM flag was made in 2016 (source). Is the modern lesbian flag then homophobic? No! I support MLM WLW solidarity, and the lesbian flag has meanings for each color just like the MLM flag does. This is really a non-issue, guys. Unfortunately people in the queer community like to start shit for no reason.
Now, I absolutely support the right of any MLM to not use this flag, whether it be because of this, because they think it's ugly, or for any other reason. However, what I do not support is non-MLM, without being asked for their opinion, saying that this flag is ugly and should not be used. I will repeat what I said from earlier louder for the folks in the back, if you are not MLM you cannot speak on this discourse and have no place to be calling our flags ugly.
We have gone full circle back to being incredibly homophobic. Why is it that whenever we have words and community to ourselves, other queer people believe it is for them? If you are not MLM you can have solidarity with us but you cannot speak on our discourse, even if you are also queer. It is incredibly homophobic for non-MLM to say things like that, even to advocate for the MLM flag to be removed from queer art and other visuals.
Unfortunately, these are all talking points that I have seen people bring up, and it needs to stop.
It is a matter of personal preference whether you choose to use this flag or not, but if you choose not to use it, please don't be homophobic to others because they do use it.
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mental-whore · 8 months
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For my own sake
I will try not to be bitter
It doesn't hurt anyone but me
But
There is a blinding rage
That chokes and grips and hurts
Almost more than the reason
Something so preventable and obvious
Should not have been so life ruining
It makes you question every time
You have been told you were loved
Actions speak loud
The pain speaks so much louder
I am trying not to be angry
But
Where were you when I couldn't defend myself?
Where were you when the issue was so clear?
Where were you when this could have been avoided?
A baby should not be expected to advocate
A grown-up should not be choking on bitter rage
That baby lives in my chest
We both cry ourselves to sleep
Under the blanket of misery a wasted life knits
"I know you knew"
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amalgamationss · 1 year
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people who do not have sensory problems, listen to us for god's sake. we aren't trying to inconvenience you by stepping out of the room for a moment or even putting in headphones in a loud or overwhelming space. we are actively trying to keep ourselves from blowing up by self regulating.
personal anecdote that set off this entire post:
my co-worker went up to me recently and started venting about how her sister's "sudden inability to deal with basic sounds (re: chewing noises) is annoying" and my co-worker admitted to ticking her off on purpose because "it's unreasonable to expect me to stop chewing around her so i do it louder to get her mad and force her to leave" is actually really fucking aggravating to someone who has misophonia and other sensory processing issues. why the fuck would you actively hear that someone is suffering and make it worse because you're annoyed that they're expressing a boundary.
bonus points because i straight up said to her "i have that disorder by the way" and she doubled down and genuinely said "then go ahead and defend my sister. i'm waiting" and insisted on me defending my own disorder to her. thanks, now i do not trust you anymore <3
my sensory issues have caused complete breakdowns, anxiety around eating that made it difficult for me to eat for a long time, self injury, frustration at small things, and uncontrollable and violent intrusive thoughts of injuring myself and others. i cannot be in the car with some people without headphones or i have panic attacks because i get sensory overload so easily (no place to escape from bad noises in car).
i'm able to advocate for myself whenever this happens and speak up when i'm upset, but not everybody can do that.
to others, it is a minor inconvenience that people with sensory disorders have to self-regulate; to me, i am actively working to not tear my hair out and claw at my own skin. fuck off and be nice to people, especially because they are fighting a battle that not everybody can see
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scabbardsystem · 1 month
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Plural Asking 100 Questions: Part 8!
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9
[we are putting this one under a read more.]
71. Are you Neurodivergent (and if yes, how?) ooh buddy we are adhd as FUCK!! and the depression hkjgh... probably other things that we're either forgetting or overlooking! [shrugs!!]
72. Do you have any physical disability? oh yes, our body is rapidly deteriorating <- that's being dramatic. our hips and lower back are the worst though. on really bad days we can't even stand, and sitting up hurts us. but most days it'll just be an annoying pain, but sharps usually dims it to the background. oh and the fucking chronic fatigue. low energy gang~!!
73. Do you have a dissociative disorder? we experience depersonalization a lot? just very lost and floaty and foggy. not recognizing ourselves when we see our reflection, questioning who we are, feeling numb, all that fun stuff. we should honestly be doing more research into things like this but that's a task for future us.
74. Do you have any other disorder? it's mostly the adhd babie, and the rsd that comes with that too. and possibly AvPD but we're [not talking about that.] oh, okay, cool. anyway, ADHD for sure.
75. Do symptoms vary in intensity depending on the fronter? we all tend to mix, but yes vaguely? deadsprint holds a lot of the hyperactivity of adhd, and memo tries to help with the memory issues. blender actually makes depersonalization worse hjkghg?? chamomile can and will put us to sleep if we let her hkjgh definitely other examples, but these are the ones off the top of our head!
76. Do you think your disability / disorder has an influence on your plurality? probably...? probably?????? probably.
77. Do you have amnesia of any kind? no, not really. just regular ol' adhd forgetfulness.
78. Are there Members who deal better with symptoms than others? yep! dear god, burden can push through a lot of pain, we found out when we went camping (though he was really burning out by the end of it). rationale and occasionally harlowe will talk us out of rsd spirals. ryan helps with the depression, and oath has always helped to remind us that we want to live. he's always been advocating for being nicer to ourselves too.
79. Do your disorders / disabilities influence communication or switching within your System in any way? hm. maybe the adhd and the constant, unrelenting train of conversational dialogue are related in some way! we cannot shut up ever! inner conversations have two modes and that's loud and LOUDER. maybe same goes for switching? god lmao who knows!! this is a lot of introspection for 2 am and harlowe isn't feeling it hkjgh
80. Does being plural help with your disorders in any way? (example: another Member switching in to take care of the body during difficult times, ...) i think so?? again, obligation usually pushes through executive dysfunction and depression things to take care of the body, though sharps and chamomile push back when the pain and fatigue are too much. generally, this is kinda how we've always been but now we know we exist hkjhg
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teamhilson · 2 months
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Why Team Hilson Is the Best Real Estate Agent in Milton
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When it comes to buying or selling a home, choosing the right real estate agent can make all the difference. Milton, Ontario, is a dynamic and rapidly growing community, and navigating its real estate market requires expertise, local knowledge, and a commitment to client satisfaction. At Team Hilson, we pride ourselves on being the best real estate agent in Milton, offering unparalleled service and results that exceed expectations. Here’s what sets us apart.
Local Expertise That Matters
Milton is more than just a place where we work; it’s a community we know intimately. Understanding the nuances of Milton’s diverse neighborhoods—from the family-friendly suburbs to the vibrant downtown areas—is crucial in helping our clients make informed decisions. Whether you’re looking for a home near top-rated schools, close to parks, or within walking distance of local amenities, Team Hilson’s deep knowledge of Milton’s real estate market ensures that you find a property that meets all your criteria.
Personalized Service Tailored to Your Needs
At Team Hilson, we recognize that every client is unique, and so are their real estate needs. We don’t believe in a one-size-fits-all approach. Instead, we take the time to listen to your goals, preferences, and concerns. Whether you’re a first-time homebuyer, a seasoned investor, or looking to downsize, we develop a personalized strategy that aligns with your objectives. Our hands-on approach means we’re with you every step of the way, providing guidance and support from the initial consultation to the closing of the deal.
Proven Track Record of Success
Results speak louder than words. Team Hilson’s success in the Milton real estate market is reflected in our consistent track record of achieving outstanding outcomes for our clients. Whether it’s securing a dream home at a competitive price or selling a property above asking, our ability to deliver results has earned us a reputation as the best real estate agent in Milton. Our clients’ satisfaction and trust are the greatest testimonials to our dedication and expertise.
Expert Negotiation Skills
In real estate, negotiation is key. The ability to negotiate effectively can make a significant difference in the final outcome of a transaction. At Team Hilson, we are skilled negotiators who advocate fiercely for our clients’ interests. Whether you’re buying or selling, we work diligently to secure the best possible terms and conditions, ensuring that you get the most value from your real estate transaction.
Comprehensive Market Insights
The real estate market is ever-changing, and staying informed is crucial. Team Hilson provides clients with comprehensive market insights, including current property values, market trends, and future projections. This data-driven approach empowers our clients to make well-informed decisions, whether they’re buying, selling, or investing. With our finger on the pulse of the Milton market, you can trust that you’re making the right move at the right time.
A Commitment to Excellence
What truly sets Team Hilson apart is our unwavering commitment to excellence. We understand that buying or selling a home is one of the most significant financial decisions you’ll make, and we don’t take that responsibility lightly. Our goal is to make the process as smooth and stress-free as possible, while delivering results that exceed your expectations.
Contact Team Hilson Today
If you’re looking for the best real estate agent in Milton, look no further than Team Hilson. We’re here to help you navigate the Milton real estate market with confidence and ease. Contact us today to start your journey with a team that truly cares about your success.
Choose Team Hilson – where your real estate goals become a reality.
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bwhitex · 5 months
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Reducing the Sense of Rush and Urgency in Relationships: Integrating Mindfulness, Time Management, Self-Compassion, and Gratitude
Introduction
In this busy world, people often feel hurried and rushed all the time. They carry these sensations even into their relationships with others which may create tension or disconnection among them. However, adopting practices based on mindfulness, effective time management skills, self-compassion as well as gratitude can reverse this trend and foster better connections. These practices are transformative because they provide new ways of approaching daily interactions that can change our lives for good according to Covey; Merrill; Neff & Emmons’ work with McCullough’s ideas about appreciation.
Mindfulness
Mindfulness creates a personal presence that intensifies the quality of our interaction with other people thereby allowing us to engage more deeply with them. It teaches one how to value fleeting moments hence making relationships feel richer by adding depth into them. Secondly, through mindfulness training we are able to respond instead of reacting which is very powerful when it comes to dealing with others. Additionally, it advocates for an attitude of forgiveness towards oneself first before extending the same grace unto others thus fostering authenticity in all kinds of interpersonal relations.
Another thing is that mindful listening does not only entail hearing words but also being aware of emotions expressed behind those words thus fostering connection on deeper levels where empathy thrives best; besides, this practice makes us live in present awareness so that we stop living ahead of ourselves always expecting something different from what we have right now – such an approach tends to bring peace within ourselves as well as between individuals. By giving full attention here and now without dividing it elsewhere or getting distracted we give rare gift in current society characterized by divided attention due to many technological devices: undivided attention which shows that one cares enough about another person’s feelings/thoughts/needs etc., Lastly silence speaks louder than words sometimes therefore through silence people are able to understand each other better than when they use too many words hence importance of nonverbal communication should never be underestimated especially in relationships where partners need reassurance from each other frequently but cannot express such verbally because they fear rejection or being misunderstood even though their intentions may be noble; thus silent treatment can sometimes work wonders for couples if used wisely.
Silence also enables us see how our actions affect others which leads us into behaving more responsibly towards them so that we do not hurt those whom we care about deeply – this is what can be referred to as ‘silent wisdom’. Silence teaches awareness of interconnectedness between things including people’s behavior patterns within certain contexts such as family setting where one person’s behavior affects everyone else’s therefore it calls for careful consideration before acting out impulsively towards others without realizing that we are all part of a bigger whole.
Furthermore, through regular practice individuals become more aware when they lack understanding hence preventing misunderstandings while promoting positive energy among themselves through better communication skills, Another thing is that mindfulness helps individuals see extraordinary in ordinary things hence turning them into significant encounters; also it creates rhythm between persons involved in any kind of relationship because natural pauses call for respect otherwise interaction becomes unhealthy or unsustainable. It further provides relief against stress and anxiety which might arise during challenging times within close relationships by acting as an anchor point whereby one can always find peace amidst storms raging around him/her due to various reasons like job loss etc.,
Moreover non-judgmental attitude fostered by mindfulness serves basis trust building blocks necessary for cultivating strong healthy long lasting relationships characterized by openness honesty vulnerability loyalty mutual support forgiveness acceptance change growth creativity fun adventure etc., Foster’s ego driven desires reduction making room equitable partnership will lead to balance harmony love peace joy happiness fulfillment success prosperity abundance wealth health wellbeing longevity etc.,
For example relationship awareness expands beyond surface level revealing new dimensions thereof hence continuous self-discovery shared joint meditation/mindful walking sessions bring people closer together through deepening their understanding each other’s needs wants aspirations dreams fears challenges hopes aspirations etc., external noise interference stands out less hence allowing individuals concentrate more on what really counts during personal interactions; In addition eating meals together mindfully transforms them into nourishing experiences not only for body but soul as well thus strengthening bonds among family members who may have been estranged before due to busy schedules lack thereof, Besides that patience becomes virtue necessary when dealing with others’ growth rate hence mindful approach towards conflict resolution gives room amicable solution finding rather than aggressive confrontation which only breeds resentment hate bitterness revenge anger violence etc.,
Also respecting appreciating recognizing worth efforts made by another person fosters culture respect within any given relationship setting including friendship work partnership marriage business organization community etc. Lastly, ability handle relationship stressors gracefully while maintaining inner peace composed state mind reveals profound gratitude felt towards having such close connection with another human being wherefore joy satisfaction derived from this particular bond surpasses all other forms of happiness imaginable.
Time-Management
In connection, effective time management implies intentionally opting to give relational partners first priority in terms of how one spends their time as they recognize it as the basis for any strong bond. Couples can set aside quality time by organizing their schedules and activities well so that they do not forget about each other while caught up with work or school stuff.
Time organization makes it possible for people to have traditions which mark milestones in their love life thus fostering deeper relations between them through shared history creation processes. Such rituals also help us know that being present is very important since we need sometimes stop doing many things at once just honor this particular minute together with another person. Allocating an hour or two without being interrupted for deep talks can save relationships from conflicts and misinterpretations thereby widening mutual knowledge among parties involved. Anyone can plan his personal hours vis-à-vis those meant for close friends thus striking a balance between individualism and collectivism within social networks; planning some unique events such as surprise dates even if they are not big ones indicate thoughtfulness plus dedication too. Different occasions should be organized regularly where people participate in different activities together; this creates anticipation during preparation stages which usually leads into more exciting moments making life joyful throughout the relationship management process.
It is important to understand that good timing does not only involve finding when partners are available but also respecting need for space apart from one another hence fostering personal growth as well health. Poorly timed events often result into disappointment because either all partners may fail show up at agreed venue due to lack proper organization skills required during such like situations therefore leading dissatisfaction among themselves. We should learn how best plan major life happenings henceforth enabling both parties feel supported connected always. Nothing demonstrates care than punctuality; it builds trustworthiness showing that someone values another person highly thus creating room where two individuals can come up with common agenda/goals for themselves so working hand-in-hand becomes easier. Time consciousness ensures emotional availability during hard times in our lives; at least we should be there physically too. Strategies applied to manage time serve as checks balances so that no side does more than its fair share in terms giving taking within a relationship hence preventing feelings resentment towards each other and also maintaining healthy partnership.
Time management further encourages us celebrate small victories alongside major milestones considering them equally important towards fulfillment of good healthiest any given union. Good arrangement always enables people enjoy every bit their interaction by making sure they are not rushed over some activities which both partners love doing together since it enhances satisfaction level among them thus strengthening ties between you and I.
That is why when someone says “I miss you” during long distance relationships then know he/she means it because without regular communication visits become like air. It also instills discipline on how much hours should one allocate work or any other engagement protect personal life. Time related problems can easily be avoided through better preparation procedures thus creating an environment filled with peace rather than chaos effective care for each other can only exist if we treat it as such not optional but essential part of our living. Time however much spent has potential fostering trustworthiness reliability aspects hence building trust among parties involved too.
Moreover those unwilling compromise may need take into account what will happen once external factors interfere adversely affected by such issue. Failure recognize anticipate respond timely fashion affects negatively outcome therefore suggesting that dealing proactive manner enhance chances success rate being achieved couples need rest relaxation periods ensure smooth atmosphere prevails throughout love seasons celebrations. Effective time management therefore ensures self-compassion.
Self-Compassion
In relationships, self-compassion means accepting that nobody is perfect and treating each other’s shortcomings as part of being human. It urges one to be nice to themselves when they are having problems with their partner thereby creating a caring atmosphere for both mates.
If a person practices self-compassion it prevents them from faultfinding not only in themselves but also in their spouse which solves nothing but rather cause more harm than good. They start to forgive easily and be patient too leading into less frequent intense fights. Self-compassion also builds emotional strength such that an individual can bounce back faster after going through setbacks in love affairs. It makes someone develop awareness about what they feel inside which is important for effective communication skills within any relationship setting. Being self-compassionate may help you avoid harboring resentment by ensuring regular emotional check-up are done.
One recognizes their own value hence preventing over-reliance or interdependence on others when it comes to matters of the heart. Self-compassion teaches people how not to always blame themselves unfairly whenever things go wrong between them and somebody else thus encouraging balanced perceptions concerning personal contributions made towards unhealthy interactions with partners or even friends. By reducing one’s stress levels while improving personal wellbeing indirectly, this virtue fosters care for others because happy healthier individuals make better lovers too. Self compassion does foster understanding and kindness towards your lover as well since these two qualities can be contagious especially if one party has shown itself capable of demonstrating such behaviors before.
Practicing self-love enables us connect emotionally deeper than ever before because once we accept who we truly are then sharing our authentic selves becomes inevitable therefore increasing chances of falling in love again.It helps us grow personally by allowing room for growth through learning from mistakes rather than burying oneself under guilt feelings forever. Sometimes all you need is some understanding or just a sympathetic ear from your partner during tough times instead of isolating yourself so much so let compassion take its course. What I love most about self-compassion is that it acts as a shield against relationship damaging pressures from without thus serving to protect this precious union against harm. Self compassion creates space for both parties involved in the relationship to support and encourage each other’s growth rather than criticizing or competing with one another. By valuing yourself more you will come to appreciate your partner better hence strengthening the foundations upon which our relationships thrive.
Self compassion allows us accept help given by our partners equally thereby promoting equality among them. It reduces fear of being vulnerable leading to deeper connections between two people who care deeply for one another. Practicing self-love brings about greater emotional availability necessary for healthy thriving love affairs or marriages. It teaches us how forgive ourselves first before extending same courtesy towards others so that we can move on peacefully even after having conflicts within friendships or any kind of close association.If at all possible, let not withdraw during difficult moments but instead stay engaged showing full supportiveness because this way things always work out best. Ultimately,inner peace brought by self compassion intensifies joyfulness felt within oneself therefore spreading such happiness throughout the entire relationship.
Gratitude
In relationships, gratitude acts as an antidote to the expectation of one partner for another thereby continuously refreshing respect they have for each other. It also helps in realizing and appreciating each other’s efforts which can make them feel loved and valued more. When couples concentrate on thankfulness, their attention shifts from what is missing to what there is plenty of in their relationship. Ordinary interactions are transformed into moments of joy and connection by gratefulness. It creates a positive cycle where saying thank you more often leads to being satisfied with the relationship hence working hard not lose it.
During difficult times practicing gratitude may enable partners see through clouds created by negativity bias hence overcoming them altogether; this broader view acknowledges benefits gained from challenges faced together so far; it promotes security within partnerships because people know that whatever little thing they do will not go unnoticed or unappreciated by their significant others; such an attitude also reduces competitiveness among lovers since everyone gains something when two succeed at something together; trust can be improved through openness thus making communication easy between parties involved in any healthy relationship; celebrating different strengths brought into play during teamwork fosters mutual respect among friends while still recognizing each person’s unique contribution towards achieving common goals in life.
A good emotional climate is created within relationships by showing appreciation even for small favors done daily which lowers stress levels caused by conflicts arising out of misunderstanding intentions behind certain actions; this strengthens desirable behavior change efforts made over time through regular acknowledgment of positive deeds performed towards one another so that such acts become second nature eventually leading back to increased self-worthiness feelings reciprocally expressed as love shown when people realize how much they have been cared about all along.
Gratitude has another power too – turning routine tasks into acts of love thus adding color to dull moments shared together. This implies that being thankful for everything including chores done around home could end up making them enjoyable experiences rather than mere duties someone must undertake unwillingly every day just because he lives with other persons under same roof; it also fosters emotional resilience by reminding individuals about strong points within their union during weak moments personally experienced at such times; therefore, gratitude ought to be practiced always so as keep fire burning bright forevermore in any loving relationship between two people. For instance, one person may say “I’m grateful you cleaned the kitchen tonight” while another can add “Thank you for taking care of our children today” thus giving credit where due which goes a long way in enhancing overall happiness levels among partners involved.
Therefore, gratefulness does not only enhance personal well-being but acts as a catalyst for joint joy and contentment too; it helps build closeness between spouses since they get chance appreciate each other more deeply than before. Additionally, thankfulness encourages going back first reasons why we fell in love with each other hence reigniting those early emotions again; this feeling also extends beyond ourselves towards overlooking minor irritations or disturbances caused by life’s challenges when seen against background full appreciation had been shown towards loved ones over time; gratitude serves as an eye-opener regarding importance attached to companionship thereby making one humble enough accept such gift wholeheartedly while promising protect nurture bond forevermore. Finally, thankfulness teaches us how express heartfelt thanks through words or actions shared together thus creating stronger connections among those involved.
Scientifically, neglecting mindfulness, time management, self-compassion, and gratitude in relationships can have massive repercussions. Mindfulness is important because it helps individuals recognize stress at its early stages before it escalates into bigger problems such as emotional blindness thereby fostering conflicts and disconnection among people who are in any form of relationship. Bad timing not only leads to burnouts but also strains relations when a partner starts feeling like they do not come first or are being given less priority as compared to other duties in life which could have been managed better with good time allocation skills. Depression rates rise when people don’t show themselves compassion; this then breeds anxiety that eventually eats away on any partnership making another person feel unsupported rather than loved. Relationships without thanksgiving always result into continuous cycles characterized by negativity and dissatisfaction since studies have proven that gratitude enhances higher satisfaction levels within relationships while ensuring stability too.
In other words: These things aren’t just helpful – they’re necessary for healthy long-term human connections! They serve as nutrients needed by the garden of love; without them, your relationship might last but never grow strong enough to survive the storms from outside and inside.
Thought-Provoking Closing Lines
If we want our relationships not to be a mad dash against time but an enjoyable stroll down life’s path together then incorporating mindfulness practices into daily routine will greatly help dissipate any sense of rush commonly experienced within partnerships. By doing so we create safe environments where each person can thrive individually thereby nurturing their union further still. Couples should make these methods their top priorities if they want more than mere survival kit for love during tough times because failure may mean losing everything forevermore under duress from world events coupled with personal dissatisfaction over lack of attention paid towards such matters.
As one reflects upon his/her own relational journey; Do I see us surviving side by side or thriving through intentional care given unto each other’s souls along this shared road? How different might things look if throughout our days together we were more intentional about being present with one another through a moment of silence, setting aside structured periods in which both parties engage in activities that foster closeness, showing compassion towards oneself whenever met with failure then extending same kindnesses towards others by expressing gratitude for everything they do regularly?
Reference:
Covey, S. R., Merrill, A. R., & Merrill, R. R. (1994). First Things First. Free Press.
Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377-389.
Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85-101.
Neff, K. D., & Germer, C. K. (2013). A pilot study and randomized controlled trial of the mindful self-compassion program. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 69(1), 28-44.
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iusmanayub · 6 months
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The Crisis of Ethics in Society
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The term "Society" refers to the collective of individuals, and each person is responsible for keeping their society pure and clean. They should contemplate how to eliminate impure and negative elements from it. When each individual is concerned about the reform and improvement of society, all members of society will be integrated into a pure and upright framework.
In our society, there is a severe moral crisis that has made people victims of waywardness, as they have abandoned the distinction between what is permissible (halal) and impermissible (haram), and have neglected to discern between goodness and evil. Shouldn't we think about this? The disorder prevailing in our society has reasons. Are we fulfilling our responsibility? If we ponder, we will find that we are not fulfilling our duty.
Islam has not only assigned the responsibility of self-reform to individuals but also extended it to the reform of their families, offspring, and dear ones. In this modern age of technology, numerous changes have occurred in our society, leading to the corruption of the younger generation. However, the blame for this corruption lies not only with modern technology and media but also with all of us. We are quick to criticize technology, modernity, and the environment, but we do not take any action for their improvement.
Our favorite pastime is to hold others accountable and shift our responsibilities onto others, putting all our faults on someone else's shoulders. We criticize technology, modernity, and the media, but we ourselves are not taking any steps for their improvement. We are excellent advocates for the rights of others, even serving as judges for their rights. Still, when it comes to ourselves, we become the best defense attorneys, preparing numerous justifications for self-improvement. We have a multitude of arguments in our minds to prove ourselves the best but, unfortunately, get involved in falsely accusing others of being infidels and evildoers.
Fulfilling our duty involves advising others near us. This is the only task through which we contribute to the societal reform with full consciousness. However, we have forgotten that actions speak louder than words. Societal reform is not possible until we initiate it from within ourselves because people pay more attention to your actions than your words. Until you improve yourself, you cannot lead anyone on the right path. If we can make ourselves better, rest assured, the entire society will automatically improve. The command of Allah Almighty is: "Save yourselves and your families from the Fire."
It is clear that we must first save ourselves and then preach to others. This is the essence that requires us to reflect and contemplate. We need to introspect to see if the mistakes others are making are also present within us. If, God forbid, it is within us, then the first priority is to rectify it, not to curse and criticize others. First, eliminate the mistake that we ourselves are committing. If someone is making a mistake, it becomes our duty to inquire with our conscience whether we, too, are guilty of the same. For the societal reform, we need to be wise, knowledgeable, patient, and adhere to Islamic teachings and prophetic principles. Only then can we truly integrate into the framework of a pure society.
Our religion, Islam, is true, and Islam has taught Muslims to assess their surroundings and be concerned about rectifying the prevailing issues. Islam is a comprehensive way of life encompassing guidance for every class, and there is nothing in this transient world that Islam does not provide guidance on. After leaving this worldly life, there will be the Day of Judgment, and we will go through stages of accountability and retribution. Hence, we must prepare our children for this retribution as well. We need to establish a foundation of education for them and instill values in their minds from childhood, so that they develop a strong faith and a disdain for sins. We should ensure that the recitation of the Holy Quran is maintained in our homes, and dedicated time should be allocated for discussions about Islam among family members. We must correct our own actions so that, if our children follow in our footsteps, they can be proud.
All we need to do is establish a strong connection with our true Master and surrender all our desires before the command of Allah Almighty. Our society is not on the path of reform due to distancing from the teachings of Prophet Muhammad, deviation from prophetic principles. If we align ourselves with the principles of Islam, follow the established principles of Prophet Muhammad, and sincerely adopt the principles of "enjoining good and forbidding evil," then we can certainly build a pure society. We should pray to Allah Almighty at all times for guidance to lead our families and loved ones on the straight path and for the strength to act upon it.
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socialvinod · 8 months
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Top 10 Pros and Cons of Social Media in 2024
Introduction
In the ever-evolving landscape of the digital age, where tweets trend, stories unfold, and connections are made with just a tap, the state of social media in 2024 is nothing short of dynamic. As we find ourselves immersed in this virtual tapestry of tweets, posts, and shares, the pulsating heart of social media beats louder than ever before. But with this incessant rhythm, an essential question arises: What are the pros and cons of social media that define our online interactions in 2024?
Imagine this: a world where information flows like a digital river, connecting billions of individuals across the globe. In such a milieu, understanding the intricacies of social media has become paramount. The pros and cons of social media in 2024 paint a nuanced portrait of opportunities and challenges, of connections and complexities. As we embark on this exploration, delving into the essence of digital interconnectedness, we unravel the layers that shape our online experiences.
In this introspective journey, we will navigate through the ever-expanding landscape of social media, shedding light on its multifaceted nature. Join us as we unravel the tapestry of virtual connections and unveil the significance of comprehending the pros and cons of social media in 2024—a journey where every like, share, and comment contributes to the evolving narrative of our digital existence.
Pros and Cons of Social Media
Pros of Social Media
Connectivity and Communication
Global Conversations Unleashed:
Social media acts as a virtual bridge, bringing people from diverse backgrounds together. It facilitates global conversations, enabling users to connect, share, and engage with individuals worldwide, transcending geographical boundaries.
Strengthening personal ties:
Beyond its global reach, social media has a profound impact on personal relationships. It fosters stronger bonds by enabling individuals to stay connected with friends and family, regardless of physical distance, fostering a sense of closeness.
Information Sharing
The Velocity of Information:
Social media’s strength lies in its ability to disseminate information rapidly. News, trends, and updates travel at the speed of a click, ensuring users stay informed about the latest developments in real time.
News Unfolding in Real Time:
The immediacy of social media transforms it into a real-time news hub. Users receive instant updates on current events, providing a platform for news sharing that is unparalleled in its swiftness.
Business and Marketing Opportunities
The Business Playground:
For businesses, social media is more than a platform—it’s a playground for growth. From startups to established brands, these platforms offer unprecedented opportunities for business expansion, brand exposure, and customer acquisition.
Strategies for Success:
Unlocking the pros and cons of social media for businesses involves crafting effective marketing strategies. The platforms serve as fertile ground for customer engagement, influencer collaborations, and targeted campaigns, forming the cornerstone for sustained growth.
Education and Awareness
A Classroom Without Walls:
Social media transforms into an expansive classroom, reshaping the landscape of education. It provides a dynamic platform for learning, offering educational content, tutorials, and discussions that cater to diverse interests and learning styles.
Advocacy Amplified:
Beyond education, social media becomes a megaphone for social causes. It amplifies awareness campaigns, enabling individuals and organizations to advocate for change and mobilize support for various social issues.
Entertainment and Creativity
Digital Artistry Unleashed:
Social media is a canvas for creative expression. Users showcase their artistic talents through visually stunning posts and videos, creating a digital gallery that celebrates diverse forms of creativity.
Redefining entertainment consumption:
The impact of social media on the entertainment industry is transformative. It reshapes how we consume and engage with content, giving rise to new forms of entertainment and revolutionizing traditional entertainment channels.
In the intricate tapestry of Pros and Cons of Social Media, these positive aspects underscore the transformative power of digital connectivity, enriching our lives in ways both profound and entertaining. As we navigate the digital landscape, it’s essential to recognize and appreciate the positive influences that social media brings to the forefront of our personal, professional, and creative spheres.
Cons of Social Media
As we delve into the darker side of the digital landscape, the pros and cons of social media come sharply into focus. While these platforms offer myriad benefits, they also present a spectrum of challenges that warrant careful consideration.
Privacy Concerns
Data breaches and privacy issues:
In the intricate dance between users and platforms, the specter of data breaches looms large. The vulnerability of personal information raises concerns, with instances of data breaches becoming a distressing reality.
The Dark Side of Targeted Advertising:
Behind the tailored ads lies a shadow—targeted advertising’s dark side. The line between personalization and intrusion blurs as users grapple with the consequences of their digital footprint being exploited for commercial gains.
Cyberbullying and Harassment
Increased Instances of Cyberbullying:
The digital playground isn’t always benign, with cyberbullying casting a long shadow. Social media platforms become breeding grounds for online harassment, posing threats to the mental well-being of users.
Measures Taken to Address Online Harassment:
As a response to the rising tide of cyberbullying, platforms have implemented measures to curb online harassment. From reporting mechanisms to AI-driven content moderation, steps are taken to create safer digital spaces.
Mental Health Issues
Impact on Self-Esteem and Body Image:
In the age of filters and curated content, the impact on self-esteem and body image becomes a pressing concern. Social comparison takes center stage, contributing to unrealistic beauty standards.
Addiction and Its Consequences:
The addictive nature of social media raises alarms. Users find themselves entangled in the pursuit of likes and validation, leading to addiction and potential consequences for mental health.
Spread of Misinformation
Challenges in Controlling the Spread of Fake News:
Navigating the sea of information and distinguishing truth from falsehood becomes a challenge. Controlling the spread of fake news tests the efficacy of content moderation and fact-checking mechanisms.
The Role of Social Media in Misinformation:
Social media, inadvertently or not, becomes a conduit for misinformation. The viral nature of content amplifies its impact, underscoring the need for vigilant users and robust platform interventions.
Time-Wasting and Productivity
Addressing the addictive nature of social media:
The constant pull of notifications and the allure of endless scrolling contribute to time-wasting. Addressing the addictive nature of social media becomes a personal and societal challenge.
Strategies for Maintaining a Healthy Balance:
In the quest for a harmonious digital life, users seek strategies to maintain a healthy balance. From setting screen time limits to periodic digital detoxes, individuals carve out spaces for offline productivity.
In the intricate dance between the pros and cons of social media, acknowledging the challenges allows users to navigate the digital realm with informed discernment. As we contemplate the impact of these cons, it becomes evident that a mindful approach to social media usage is key to harnessing its benefits while mitigating its potential drawbacks.
Future Trends and Developments
In the ever-evolving landscape of social media, the future holds a tapestry of possibilities as emerging technologies and anticipated changes promise to reshape the digital sphere.
Emerging Technologies in Social Media
Innovations Beyond Imagination:
The future of social media beckons with emerging technologies that redefine user experiences. From augmented reality (AR) enhancing content engagement to the integration of artificial intelligence (AI) for personalized interactions, the horizon is filled with groundbreaking possibilities.
Metaverse Unveiled:
The concept of the metaverse takes center stage, offering a holistic and immersive digital experience. Social media platforms are poised to evolve into interconnected virtual worlds, transcending traditional boundaries of interaction and connectivity.
Anticipated Changes and Their Potential Impact
Content Evolution:
As the digital landscape transforms, the content itself undergoes a metamorphosis. Interactive and dynamic content takes precedence, fostering deeper engagement and user participation. The evolution of content shapes the way individuals consume and contribute to the digital narrative.
Impact on Digital Privacy:
With innovations come challenges, particularly in the realm of digital privacy. As social media integrates advanced technologies, concerns regarding data security and privacy become focal points, demanding robust solutions and transparent policies.
The pros and cons of social media extend into the future, where the exciting landscape of emerging technologies and anticipated changes promises to redefine how individuals connect, share, and engage in the digital realm. As we navigate this uncharted territory, it’s essential to embrace the positive potential while remaining vigilant about the challenges that may arise. The future of social media is both promising and transformative, inviting users to embark on a journey of digital evolution.
Conclusion
As we navigate the intricate landscape of social media, the pros and cons of social media illuminate the diverse facets shaping our digital experiences. From global connectivity and business opportunities to the challenges of privacy concerns and misinformation, these dynamics paint a nuanced picture. The future promises technological marvels but also demands vigilant navigation of potential pitfalls.
In this digital era, embracing the positives while mitigating the negatives calls for responsible social media use. Let’s foster a digital community where connectivity is mindful, information is discerned, and the evolving landscape is navigated with conscientious intent.
FAQ
What are the primary benefits of social media in 2024?
In 2024, social media will serve as a global connector, fostering communication, business growth, and community building. It provides real-time information sharing, educational resources, and platforms for entertainment and creativity.
How will social media platforms impact businesses and marketing strategies in 2024?
Social media plays a pivotal role in business growth by offering opportunities for brand exposure and direct customer engagement. Marketing strategies on these platforms involve targeted campaigns, influencer collaborations, and innovativePrivacy concerns include data breaches and the dark side of targeted advertising. The balance between personalization and intrusion raises questions about the security of personal information and user data. approaches to reach a wider audience.
What are the privacy concerns associated with social media in 2024?
Privacy concerns include data breaches and the dark side of targeted advertising. The balance between personalization and intrusion raises questions about the security of personal information and user data.
How does social media contribute to education and awareness in 2024?
In 2024, social media will act as an expansive virtual classroom, providing educational content, tutorials, and discussions. It also serves as a powerful tool for raising awareness about social causes and advocating for positive change.
What emerging technologies are expected to shape the future of social media?
The future of social media involves innovations like augmented reality (AR) and artificial intelligence (AI). The concept of the metaverse is gaining prominence, offering an immersive digital experience that transcends traditional boundaries of interaction and connectivity.
Read More: Click Here
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nj-ayuk1 · 1 year
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NJ Ayuk Discusses 21st-Century Solutions To Address Climate Change in Africa and Across the Globe
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As the call to effectively respond to climate change grows louder, governments, think tanks, and companies across the globe are struggling to discover new ways to arrest, reverse, or ameliorate destructive patterns. But new solutions can only come from deliberate and unified action, according to author and energy expert NJ Ayuk.
Ayuk, who serves as executive chairman of the African Energy Chamber and speaks and writes extensively about the future of Africa’s fossil fuels and transition toward more sustainable energy sources, believes that the best way to create an effective plan against the worst consequences of climate change is to empower businesses across the globe. 
“I think the first thing we have to look at is that we believe in a market-driven approach,” he said. “I’m a capitalist. I enjoy making money, and I believe that capitalism is the best way to respond to the issue of climate change. I like making money, and I think we need to engage in a more free-market discussion of how we approach problems like climate change.”
Capitalism can help, NJ Ayuk said, but it may take more than a simple laissez-faire approach. Because the need for effective road maps is so great, governments must play a role in spurring the markets to action. 
“If a free and structured market has been important in creating wealth and solving problems, it can be leveraged to address our responses to climate change. That’s why we have to drive the conversation and government regulation toward a place where the market can really start addressing these issues,” NJ Ayuk said. “Now, those solutions will probably come from the private sector, but the public sphere has a very important role in guiding the conversation and leading businesses.
“One of the key things we look at, and that we’ve already accomplished with the African Energy Chamber, is to ask ourselves, ‘How do we encourage the right sort of policymaking? How do we encourage the right rules?’ We want to encourage market-driven solutions, but there is no simple boilerplate language that will create the perfect solution. It’s complicated. We want governments to help, but at the same time, we don’t necessarily want governments picking winners and losers.” 
The right policy mix includes incentives for entrepreneurs to innovate new technology and discover new ways of responding to climate change, NJ Ayuk stated. 
But creating “the right policies” is difficult, he added. Every country has a different sort of business culture, which forges a need for subtle nuances in incentives in every nation. At the same time, climate change is a worldwide concern that should be approached from every angle, which means that government rules and regulations should not only encourage local businesses to tackle the problem, but also make foreign investment attractive.
“On a bigger scale, you can look at the issues related to access to finance. This is something that I think about and talk about a lot,” NJ Ayuk said. “Less than 2% of global renewable investment has gone to Africa. That’s an issue we need to advocate [for] much more loudly. You can’t tell the entire continent of Africa to simply walk away from fossil fuels and then give them only 2% of your investments. That is not a recipe for addressing climate change or bettering the lives of Africans. You simply cannot create solutions that way.” 
Ideally, any climate change response will not only help heal the damage done to the environment but will also allow people from poorer countries who have not been the beneficiaries of technologies that have spurred the current crisis to improve their stations, he said. 
A full explanation of the policies advocated by NJ Ayuk is explained in his recent book, A Just Transition: Making Energy Poverty History With an Energy Mix. It details how oil and gas companies can help deliver economic prosperity to Africans using the continent’s fossil fuels while simultaneously taking steps toward a more sustainable future. 
Already, some helpful methods of addressing climate change through capitalism have emerged. Ayuk pointed to international cap-and-trade policies as well as climate mitigations funds, which have both brought successful, if limited, solutions to the table. 
“We have seen the effectiveness of climate mitigation funds and other policies that have helped businesses get a better grasp of the toll they take on the environment while increasing investment in more diverse areas across the globe,” he stated. “I think more adaptation of them should come. But they have not been completely accountable. Wealthy countries promised to invest $100 billion in less-developed nations, but it has not come. It has not come for 13 years. That's a balance sheet. And it needs to change.”
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greysprod · 2 years
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Tableflip list
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#TABLEFLIP LIST FULL#
#TABLEFLIP LIST FULL#
The new table can be full of Chisolm's folding chairs and more voices can be invited to inform strategic business decisions that help the company to grow. The table of tomorrow can serve the fire in our bellies and keep us satiated, feeling heard, and moving forward. We can give people permission to take up more space - to speak louder and share ideas that have never been heard at the table before. There's an opportunity to rewrite our definition of table manners and build new codes of conduct that invite other women, people of color, and marginalized voices to the new table. To reflect on the table of tomorrow, and inspire new objectives, visions, and processes that serve our organizations well into the future. We have a responsibility to flip the table and make it our own. As more of us gain leadership positions by becoming managers and executives, we inherit old tables with antiquated systems, exclusive memberships, and unclear visions. Related: 16 Businesswomen Who Can Be Counted On to Provide Their Own Seat at the Table What's the value of our contribution? How are we reflecting the fire in our bellies and sharing powerful ideas with others?Īs we rethink a seat at the table, we become more intentional about what that looks like, what's consumed there, and who we share that time with. In order for us to effectively advocate for ourselves, we have to understand what we are bringing to the table. We should ask ourselves: How do we nourish ourselves in this space? What are we hungry for at this table? What are we doing to feed that hunger so we're satisfied at the end? How many people are hungry for the same thing but also don't have a seat at the table?Įveryone wants a seat at the dinner table but can't explain what they're craving or what's on the menu. The dinner table is where hunger is satiated and the fire in our bellies is ignited. The dinner table is a good analogy for a place where we're relaxed and ready to give and receive. Too many women entrepreneurs are sitting at tables that don't serve their purpose or don't discuss the issues that matter the most to them.Īs we find our seats at the table of tomorrow, we should come hungry to feed the fire in our bellies. Related: Black Women in Leadership: Strategies for ProgressĪs we think about our "why" and "what" when it comes to a seat at the table, we should also think about what would feed and nourish our spirits when we are there. She said, "If they don't give you a seat at the table, bring a folding chair." Shirley is telling us to be intentional about our presence, to make a seat for ourselves when one isn't offered, and take an active role in shaping the table of tomorrow. One of my favorite quotes is from Shirley Chilsom, the first African American woman in Congress. The table of tomorrow is one we as women and women of color will have to flip and create ourselves. When we think about a seat at the table, we don't often reflect on the "why." Why do you want to be at this table? What are you hoping to accomplish? What do you hope will be discussed? How do we advocate for ourselves when we haven't been invited? What will the table of tomorrow look like in order to meet your "why?" What does it mean for us to have a seat at the table of tomorrow? What is our role when we're there? Imagine the table of tomorrow through your lens. The color of the wood, the chairs, who sits at it, what's discussed, and how it operates are all under your control. Imagine you made it to the table and now it's yours to recreate.
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pebblysand · 2 years
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Hi! I met your writing with castles and have been following since last year, and read some of your other things as well. Reading now the *special gift* (which was the light of my day, btw. And I absolutely loved it) I realized one of the things that captivated me so much about this story. Besides your amazing writing, the world and context you work with is such an universal experience, is heartbreaking. (There's more but don't have character left)1/2
(spoilers for castles chapter 11 under the cut)
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First of all, this is one of the sweetest and most lovely comments I ever got. Thank you so much for this ask, you can't imagine how much it means to me that this story rings true to you, especially considering your personal story.
Re-reading your ask, I can't decide if your words "and there is no reason for you to know this" relates to you being Chilean (which, fair enough, I didn't know haha) or to what you said re:Pinochet, which, then yes, there is reason for me to know this, it's called going to school and being interested in the world you live in 😆. Please never assume that people shouldn't "bother" to learn about your History. It's on us to educate ourselves, as humans on this planet. (And, no, I have not, however, watched that documentary but I shall add it to the list).
This being said, though, what you're saying is incredibly interesting. It's funny cause as I said above, while I do know (a bit) about Chile, that was actually not one of the examples I looked when writing Castles, but I do see what you mean. I know historical examples that I did look at were:
Argentina and particularly the mothers of the Plaza de Mayo who asked to just know what had happened to their children
Obviously the WW2 trials and particularly, I read a French book that took place during the trial of Klaus Barbie in the 80s, which I thought was very interesting in how unsatisfying the trial was with an accused who refused to engage.
Spain and the Franco "disappeared" and the way people are today fighting for answers - and, sadly, the pushback of 'just move on' many have received.
I also wrote a lot of this chapter while the Bataclan attacks trials were going on in France, which was, I must say, probably the major inspiration, at least for the plot of chapters 10 & 11. It was one of the first trials in history that gave so much space to the victims (or "parties civiles, in French procedure), where over 350 people went to testify, either to their own experiences of the attack, injuries, or the loss of their family members and friends. I thought it was very interesting how, as a nation, we reported a lot on those, with the press writing at length articles about every testimony at the start of the trial. Then, the press reporting got more "quiet" when the trials focused on the accused and the more nitty-gritty responsibilities, and then louder again for the last victims' testimony, and the verdict. I did a lot of thinking about this, about whether we cared more about what the victims had to tell, in all of their gore-y details, wondering if it was just a collective voyeuristic drive for violence porn, or something more. I think it was something more. I think we collectively decided that we cared about these people, what they'd gone through, how they had (or hadn't, sadly, for some of them) rebuilt their lives, more than we cared about what the terrorists had to say. At least I did. And, I think it's one of the gifts of French criminal law as it exists, especially in terms of procedure, that the prosecution doesn't choose its witnesses, that the victims, whoever they are, can choose themselves to testify or not. Giving that space to speak (or not speak), is, in my opinion, so very important, and obviously influenced the last couple of chapters of Castles a lot. I think right now, we put a lot of weight on the victims of crimes (whatever that crime may be) to rebuild and be "survivors" and advocates and it's like: yeah, this is all good and done but sometimes, you just need the space to be like: this happened to me. And it wasn't my fault. I don't think victim negates survivor. I think they go hand in hand. Sometimes, you jut need to be heard as such.
And, at the same time, there is what I know from own work where, frankly, I've learned that trials are rarely satisfying to the victims, regardless of the verdict. There is always this saying amongst lawyers that to the victims, "it's never enough." And, this isn't to say anything demeaning to the victims themselves, but the fact of the matter is: if your son died, if your family member was tortured, if you were raped.... whatever sentence is never enough. Will never be enough. Even the death penalty wouldn't be enough. The justice system is the state's response to violence, but it's not that of those injured. It can't be. And, thus, as that party, you need to find other ways to rebuild yourself, and ways to move forward. And, as much as I believe recognition can start in a court house where you're given the time to speak and be heard, there's more to live than that. I think that's why trials always feel so unsatisfying - they're only one piece of the puzzle.
Lastly regarding Amycus being kind, I think there's two things. First, there's always that saying, right? "Hitler loved his dogs." I took it a bit literally there, but the spirit really is: bad people can be good at times, you know? And then, there's also the fact that Ginny would have spent hours with him. For months. Of course, he couldn't be mean all the time. And, it's a classic technique of abusers to be kind sometimes, so that the victim starts questioning herself. Maybe it's my fault, maybe he's not that bad. Ginny obviously struggles with that a lot, and it's an interesting this - as a writer - to explore.
Anyway, thanks a lot for your ask again. It always means a lot to me when people who have those kinds of experiences relate to my writing. I am so sorry you've had to deal with this. Love you too ❤️
jo.
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thelastpilot · 4 years
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‘On GOD We Are Going to Get You a Girlfriend’- A Lovesquare Story as suffered by Nino
My last charity fic for @mlbforblm! The prompt was Aged Up College AU lovesquare, in which Adrien is struggling with his love for both Marinette and Ladybug and Nino is put in the position to be the ultimate wingman. I went a little off script with this prompt but I hope it scratches that itch nonetheless. 
The concept itself lent itself much better to 15k than 4 but I did what I could! Hope it gets a laugh out of you. 
It was twilight in Paris, the tail end of sunset slipping away as people all across campus engaged in extremely varied states of productivity. That is to say, at most 20% of the campus’ live-in population was actually getting any work done, while the rest of them were either limping along or had already given up.
It was midterms week, clearly.
In the dim space of a reasonable apartment accommodation were well -intentioned study implements of every kind. The completely average couch and carpet were covered with just enough of a layer of highlighters, pens, and printed pages to give a really studious impression at a glance, but whatever vibe it might have managed was thoroughly ruined by a young man laying face down on the floor, a game console nearly tumbling from his hands. Another, separate, but equally as unfocused young man had his back to plain white wall against which they had been meaning to put like… a chair or something at least for most of the semester now, staring idly out of the sliding glass door to his left that offered only a sliver of a view from his current position. At most he could see two lovely, but neglected, potted plants and a shoddy balcony looking off towards the main body of their college campus.
He watched the small patch of sky he could see succumb to a light coverage of clouds, and as he considered the possibility of rain, he sighed.
“Nino?” he finally spoke, looking away from his strip of sky. He waited for a response for a second or two, before reaching out with his foot and gently prodding his friend’s side to check he was alive, smirking slightly when he received a grunt for his efforts.
“Mm,” Nino answered from his curled up position, the glasses on his face a perfect reflection of his Pokemon team’s stats, which was ironic considering that Stats was exactly the thing Nino was avoiding at the minute. After a beat too long, he realized his friend was still waiting on his response. He lifted his head slightly, his hat falling free to the ground as he said, “Mm? Yeah?” He blinked slowly. “What?”
Adrien smiled down at him, chuckling a little before tossing aside a textbook he had been pretending to take notes from for the last hour. When his lap was free he leaned forward and rolled to the ground, mimicking Nino’s exact positioning on the ground a small distance away from him, sighing again (louder this time).
“What?” Nino repeated himself, laughing when Adrien leveled him with a sour look. He rolled his eyes but dutifully paused his game, shutting his Switch off and putting it on the ground out of their eyeline. “Go for it dude, what’s up.”
“You’re not going to like it.”
“Is it a girl thing?” Nino asked flatly, raising an eyebrow when all Adrien managed was a sheepish smile. “Dude.”
“Come on! You’re my friend, you’re contractually obligated. Look don’t make fun of me just help okay; I’m really stuck now.” Adrien pleaded with him, bringing his hands in front of him to cartoonishly beg for his grace. He got another eye roll for his trouble but Nino hadn’t gotten up and left yet so that was a good sign.
It wasn’t that his friend didn’t want to help him, its just that… well.
Adrien always had some kind of girl problem, pretty much off and on for the past five years. He knew it got hard to listen to and Nino had put in way more than his fair share of time into this. Especially since he had made essentially no progress whatsoever in all that time, but boy was he almost on to something here.
Nino said nothing else, making a vague hand gesture for him to continue and Adrien did as he always did.
He hesitated, carefully considering how to phrase something.
“So um, there is this girl. That uh, girl, I always talk about. The one you don’t know. And then there is another girl, one who you do know.”
“Do we HAVE to be so vague man? We’re in our own place, there is no one around. Can’t you just say it? I get so confused when we do it like this.”
Adrien tensed slightly, discomfort crawling up his back. “I uh, I can’t. Just- just listen okay? I can’t explain it.”
“We’re in our house,” Nino complained again. But Adrien ignored him, because he always ignored him when he said that.
“Just listen okay?”
Nino looked at him squarely, or at least as squarely as he could manage while laying on the ground. When Adrien patiently waited for a response Nino finally sighed, rolling on his stomach and laying his face sideways on the floor to match him, nodding stiffly for him to continue.
“It’s just, there is these two girls,” he began, “I’m losing my mind over it, I’m worried man and it’s coming to a head. I know I’ve said that before, but I mean it this time. I have never ONCE in my entire LIFE gotten the timing right Nino, I’m dead serious.” Adrien rolled around a little gripping his hair with both hands. “I get the timing wrong EVERY TIME. I have never been where I’m supposed to be! I’ve never made a move at the right time I have never done it right. I get close with one girl but she doesn’t reciprocate or she tells me to wait or she says that its complicated, then I get close to the other girl but I feel GUILTY because I still care about the first girl. But she says it isn’t right so I work on it I let go but then the other girl is gone or moves on or life gets in the way. I have been in the wrong place EVERY TIME-,”
 Adrien’s ranting continues, rolling around on their carpet as he incredibly vaguely and very stupidly details a problem that he has had for many, many years. Nino can feel himself retreating into his own thoughts, more focused on Adrien’s animated rolling than his actual words. He reaches out once to save a stack of notes from getting creased and ruined, but other than that remains completely still and lets his friend do his thing.
This happened maybe once a week or so, maybe a little less often or more often depending on the status of the girls.
The fact that Adrien literally REFUSED to say their names made this completely incoherent, but where in his love life he was inconsistent, when it came to never talking about work Adrien was true to form.
Nino blinked blearily as Adrien continued, pouring over the reasons he cared so deeply for them both and why that made him feel like a bad person. It left Nino to stew, wondering much like always why they did it like this.
The two of them were superheroes. Spoilers if you didn’t know. He didn’t feel like much of a superhero when he was sprawled out on his shared apartment floor suffering the long run up to failing his Stats midterm like any other student. But the fact remained that he was one, and so was Adrien. The problem was that Adrien was serious about keeping life and work separate. It was pretty much only hard and fast rule about this gig that Nino had picked up on when he first joined. Never talk about work as a civilian, under any circumstances. You only get to talk about work when you’re suited up, and you’re only allowed to talk about life in plain clothes.
Honestly, it was so hard to do it that way, but the rules were clear, not that anyone had actually stopped to explain them to him. Adrien froze up whenever he even so much as mentioned an akuma attack or asked about an injury. Don’t talk about work, but…
They lived together now, this was the first semester where they had done so and Nino was so hyped about it. Like FINALLY, our kwamis can relax and we can be ourselves. He had been so excited about it, but to his profound disappointment Adrien refused to relent on his rule. Their kwamis were never even out in the open except for in their rooms, like he knew Adrien was strict but surely he wasn’t that committed.
Nino understood that it was probably Ladybug’s rule but still, it’s not like she was here. He wouldn’t advocate for disobeying her but… come on man. His brain hurt.
He KNEW Adrien was talking about Ladybug/Marinette. He knew that for a fact, but Adrien would never say her name out loud, because that overlaps with work (even though they hang out with her in person like every single day.) Maybe Nino didn’t know who the heck this second girl he was talking about was, but at the very least he could be clear about one of them.
Whoever the second girl actually was sounded a lot like Marinette, so the for-sure thing was that he had a type. Honestly though he had stopped trying to figure it out years ago. If he wasn’t so exhausted from not studying he would humor him like he always did, but today… man he was kind of tired.
He waited until Adrien was done talking, undoubtably ending by asking for advice as per the usual. Then, like always, Nino said what he always did.
“You need to communicate. If you are not crystal clear with these girls about what they want and what you want nothing with ever happen. You need to bite the bullet and TELL them, at least ONE of them, what you’re thinking.”
And like always, Adrien groaned and covered his face and said, “It’s not that easy!”
They both grumbled dejectedly into the carpet, repeating their years old platitudes until they gave up on each other. Nino usually did this a lot better but he reserved the right to tap out and Adrien usually seemed to accept that.
The only different thing Adrien actually said was when he was standing. He mumbled, “I know, I know. You’re right, as usual but… I’m maybe gonna ask someone else. See what they think.”
“I don’t know what answer you’re hoping for, but that’s all I’ve got.”
“I know,” Adrien sighed, offering a hand to help him off the ground. He smiled gently, but his eyes were sad. Enough of a gesture to explain that he wasn’t actually mad at Nino’s dismissiveness. He had a right to refrain.
 They spent an idle few minutes cleaning up their mess, consolidating their notes and books into two loose piles and neither saying much. It was only about thirty or so minutes later when Adrien announced vaguely, “I’m gonna go for a run.”
“Yeah man,” Nino answered, knowing by heart Adrien’s codeword for ‘patrol’. Didn’t know why he didn’t just say it, but that was a dead horse long beaten.
 Adrien left within a minute or two but Nino stood blearily for awhile in the living room, staring at nothing as he debated just going to bed for the day.
He was just about to head to his room to ask if Wayzz was ready for dinner when the kwami in question came flying into the room, confidently out in the open space now that Adrien was gone.
“You’re getting a call!” Wayzz piped up importantly, waving his little flippers a bit to sell the point. “It’s Cat Noir!”
“I- what?” Nino sputtered, glancing towards the apartment door in confusion. “He literally just- ugh.” Nino groaned as loudly as possible, Wayzz shaking his head a little. “Why is he LIKE THIS, he could have just TOLD ME TO COME.”
“I know he’s odd about it, but he must have his reasons. You should go, he must need you for patrol.”
Nino demanded a few more moments of frustration, which Wayzz indulged, before grabbing his keys and unlocking a window in case he didn’t feel like using them. It was Adrien’s turn tonight but okay whatever.  
 It only took him a minute or two to transform and get out onto their building’s roof, stretching a bit before raising his wrist. He forced himself to take a deep breath and remind himself of the rules while he returned Adrien’s call.
Through the hazy, green, holographic screen he saw the face of Cat Noir answer on the first ring, the feline superhero sighing in relief and smiling widely.
“There you are! I was hoping you were out. Hey, I know this is kind of sudden but… um I was wondering if you were willing to meet up with me. I want to ask you about something.”
He allowed himself to hang his head in frustration just out of the video feeds eyeline, pulling a sharp breath through his teeth before answering, “Yeah bud. Lets meet up.”
“Great!” Cat Noir answered enthusiastically, genuinely happy that he had agreed for whatever reason. “Meet me here when you get a second,” and he sent over his current location. Sure enough he was literally like, one block over.
He hung up without a goodbye, dragging his feet as he started to head that way. He was slow about it sine it was at most five seconds away for him. Adrien was so INTENSE about this charade some days it just drove him completely crazy. But rules are rules.
He waited for about a minute to distance their patterns, then with a short jump and a few corner’s turned he found Cat Noir crouched on top of the Linguistics building.
“Hey, you got here fast,” Cat greeted him happily, a little nervous looking actually. ‘Carapace’ as he was really had to resist the eye roll there, deciding instead to nod.
He went over and sat somewhat heavily, not pretending with an greeting at all and just watching him flatly. For whatever reason this made Cat Noir hesitate a little, but he quickly got over it, pushing through the weirdness and folding his hands in his lap.
“Well, listen I won’t waste your time much. I know we don’t really do this, we only ever talk about work and that’s the safe thing, I get how it is.” Cat Noir looked away, his gaze fixated on the possibility of rain, before he finally sighed.
“I just… I was wondering if I could get some… girl advice?”
Cat Noir looked to his ally, scanning his face and getting even more nervous as he more or less saw a brick wall of an expression on Carapace’s face.
Carapace blinked, saying nothing as Cat Noir began to talk unprompted, persevering despite the lack of reciprocation.
“So um, there is a girl, and you know that.  I always talk about her, and there is another girl, one that you don’t know.”
Carapace blinked.
He softly let out a “Bro…” but Cat Noir was hyping himself up now and he started rolling.
“It’s just, there is these two girls,” he began, “I’m losing my mind over it, I’m worried man and it’s coming to this point where like, I-,”
He kept going, looking down at his gloved hands and missing Carapace’s slowly warping expression. He started rambling, about how he always got the timing wrong, about how he cared about both these girls so much and he just didn’t know what to do. He started and he didn’t stop, completely unaware of Carapace starting to lose touch with reality.
Finally Carapace interrupted, stammering slightly in a tone that was wildly like…
Disbelief?
“Dude I- stop, hang on. Dude I just- I know?” He waited for a beat, watching Cat Noir blink in confusion. He scanned his face, looking for just- literally anything. After another moment that was way too long, he finally braved it. “We- we already, we already talked about this.”
Cat straightened, throwing his head back in exasperation and groaning loudly, “Okay I know I talk about girls sometimes but I honestly never bother you with this much can you humor me please?”
“No I-,” Carapace paused, his voice getting quieter. “We just… literally we-,”.
“Please man I- UGH I’m really having trouble!” He nearly shouted it, looking so genuinely unheard that Carapace was reeling. “You’re one of my only close guy friends I NEED a second opinion, I’m begging now. I already asked my other friend but he always says the exact same thing and he’s RIGHT but I need someone to say something else!” Cat suddenly mimicked his voice saying, “”You need to communicate.” That’s what he says, he’s RIGHT obviously but I just-,”
He kept talking, briefly glossing over how this ‘friend of his’ wasn’t particularly helpful with this line of questioning, so Cat Noir had chosen to seek HIM out instead.
And as he went on with his rant, Carapace slowly brought his hands to his face in intense contemplation.
Suddenly, in the middle of Cat Noir’s over the top love ranting Carapace decided to interrupt him.
“Hold up- hold on now. I need to clarify something, just cause I need to double check alright, just checkin’ something.”
Cat Noir paused, looking to him and slowly saying, “…okay?”
“You KNOW I know you’re Adrien Agreste right?”
 Silence. Cat abruptly went rigid, but Carapace just splayed his hands wide, rapidly searching his face for confirmation of the impossible.
“Like dawg you KNOW that right? You’re aware? You know that right?”
Cat Noir was frozen, holding as still as possible like Carapace was a T-Rex and if he didn’t move this problem was just gonna go away. But Carapace pressed further, getting louder as he said “DUDE you know who I AM RIGHT?!”
The feline superheroes breathing was starting to pick up, his eyes blown wide as he REALLY looked at his friend, before he nearly inaudibly squeaked, “…no?”
“ADRIEN-,”
“Shhh!” Cat Noir leapt forward, trying to grapple him as he went into full panic mode, “Wait shut up shut up!”
“IT’S BEEN FIVE YEARS!”
“SHUT UP!”
They started to wrestle, Cat Noir violently shushing his companion as he had a full melt down, saying things like “All this time-!” and “You’re an idiot!” and “I thought you were just- oh my god!”
“Please!!! This is terrible Carapace shut up!! I don’t know how you found out my identity but I-,”
“WHOSE THE SECOND GIRL-!?”
“Lower your voice!”
“WHOSE THE SECOND GIRL”
“What do you mean?!”
Carapace gripped him hard by the shoulders and threw them both until Cat Noir was flat on his back with a harsh thump against the roof tiles. The turtle hero held him tight and shook his shoulders, his eyes crazed with years of realization colliding together at once. “Who is the second girl in your ridiculous life, what’s her name?!”
Cat Noir looked wild and frightened, finally becoming so flustered that he just hissed in a whisper, “It’s Marinette okay!?”
“And?”
“And WHAT!?”
“AND?” Carapace reiterated, shaking him harder.
“And LADYBUG you MORON!” he hissed as quietly as he possibly could.
Instantly Carapace stopped, holding him in a vice like grip just above the tiles. After an incredibly still moment, he dropped him, closing his eyes and putting his hands over his face.
Cat Noir was flat on his back, panting heavily and staring up at him freaked out, but it was like Carapace had been struck by lightning and he was just sitting there, completely still.
 “Oh,” was all he finally said, curling in on himself slightly. Before suddenly, he pitched to the side and just lay there on the roof tiles, rolling onto his stomach.
“…oh?!” Cat eventually managed, twisting onto his side to look at him just laying there. “That’s all you have to say?! Of COURSE it’s Ladybug! I talk about her EVERY. DAY.”  
“This… explains… so much,” Carapace muttered, not even listening to him. With a huff Cat crawled onto all four and went over to him, his heart racing in what was nearly a panic attack at this point. But all of Carapace’s energy had been spent, and he just mumbled dejectedly with his face smooshed against the tiles.
Cat Noir’s ears twisted forward, trying to make out the words, before he just lost his patience and hissed “What are you saying?!”
“I said YOU’RE STUPID!” the turtle barked out, turning his face back into the filthy roof.
“Why am I- UGH forget it! Just forget it we have a way bigger problem here- If Ladybug finds out my identity has been compromised she’s going to-,”
“Is SHE stupid too!?” Carapace interjected, twisting just enough to look up at him incredulously. “Is everyone stupid but ME?”
“What the hell are you talking about?! Dude there is RULES! No one is allowed to know anyone elses identity!”
Carapace just gaped at him, before his eyes unfocused and he just went limp. He whispered it when he said, “So she IS stupid…”
He waited a beat, and wretchedly mumbled to himself, “Oh god you’re both so stupid.”
 Cat Noir was at a loss, looking all around him like he was desperately trying to make sense of it all, stopping only to try and sort of Carapace’s miserable breakdown.
He was about to give up and just drag Carapace to a lockable room somewhere before his friend propped himself up all at once with the most exasperated expression he had ever seen on a human person.
“So help me- someone has to do some shit about this, listen to me-,” Carapace got to his knees and lunged forward to grab him by the bell. He pulled him forward, and with all the determination of a war general he proclaimed, “On GOD I am going to get you a girlfriend, do you hear me? I am going to make this happen because I can not STAND another DAY of this. Got it?!”
“I- Carapace I-!?”
“GOT IT?!”
  Cat Noir dangled helplessly in his grip, and with his last wits he sputtered out, “Okay, okay!!! I’ll do whatever you say!”
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