#our selective mutism comes out usually

[bodiesoflight]

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[rivangel]

hello! how r u doing?

can u write something angsty with either no comfort or comfort at the end (whatever u want). basically, reader has been having a pretty shitty week and has been working nonstop, and is the type to not about what's bothering them until they can't contain it anymore or they're calm enough to talk about it because they know they can get snappy and say some very sharp words that can be very hurtful. levi of course knows that, because he is our observant pookie, and leaves the reader alone, just acts normal. one night, let's say levi maybe says something snarky or whatever, that the reader has been some pretty bad attitude which is unlike them, and usually reader wouldn't take his words seriously and know that he's perhaps trying to help them open up. this time, it doesn't go the wau it's supposed to, and reader just fully snaps at levi and say some very harsh, petty and hurtful words to him. the rest is up to u!

and thank u btw, i love ur content❤️

yes, yes i can. ty for such a detailed rq :) this became angstier than intended😭but it's ok bc it was 10x more painful to write being mean to levi.

reader/us also has a distinct personality kind of built off the way you described, so i hope it's what you expect😅

➥ pairing: Levi x gn!reader

➥ c/w: college!au, Levi pov, Levi not realizing he has trauma for 1400 words, apologizing, selective mutism...?, heavy hurt and some comfort

➥ wc: 1.4k

If ever he ranked cleaning activities in his mind (which he has), organizing isn’t very high, but it doesn’t occur to him not to help you out with the little things when your week has been poisoned with the dual evils, shitty and exhausting.

Ever since you got back from class, you’ve sat there at your desk. He’s kept you in the corner of his eye, and that same scowl from an hour ago is still there, illuminated by the light of your laptop. You’ve paid it more attention than to anything else—which is not at all, even to your basic needs. 

It’s best to give you space when that look is on your face, and has and will continue to, but not when it comes to eating and-or sleeping. Other than that, he’s content in the background. Whatever he does to help out, you always notice, and tell him thank you with a weak smile, but not today—today when you look particularly like you’re at your wit’s end.

When he finished organizing the apartment (including the fridge), he bypassed your desk and sat on his computer playing solitaire for a solid half-hour. Inevitably, he gets bored, and he’s giving you as much time as he’s willing to before he drags you out to eat something.

Unsatisfied without the job completely done, he rolls up his sleeves and starts at the end of your desk by emptying your pencil sharpener, making a face at how full it is.

To his satisfaction, your focus hardly wanes. Which is good, but he knows how you like everything anyway. With an undistinguishable but distinct fondness, he notes your quirks; even the way you hold your pen melds with your existence in his mind. 

Or no, maybe that’s wrong. You’re a part of him; not a visitor, or even a resident, of his heart and mind.

“Levi, I need those pencils; leave them there.”

You’re referring to the plastic tin of a few colored pencils in his hand, which sat near the middle beside your computer. He looks at you, but you’re definitely serious about it, so he sets it back down.

“If you say so.”

You say nothing and go back to your work. Skipping the tin (which he wants to wash because of all the gross graphite smears and shavings at the bottom), he takes the pencil case beside that, and pops it open. An eraser found its way into a sea of colored pencils somehow somehow, as well as crayons—probably Hange. Not too long ago you had them over working on a class project. He starts picking out these imposters.

“Levi,” you huff, your expression severe as you look daggers at him. “Just leave it alone.”

“Tch, you’re kidding. You’d rather I waste my time sorting the bookshelf in reverse alphabetical order instead? That’s stupid, so why?”

He always gets ‘Are you okay?’ wrong, but this time you turn towards him with your fist tightly curled over your notebook. He doesn’t look startled, but he barely catches the beginning of your revile.

“Stop messing around!—I just told you to stop fucking with it, so quit being a fucking idiot and get out of my space!! This is so stupid, do you not see I’m busy!? ‘Cuz you clearly can’t listen!”

Ironically the angrier you sound, the less emotion shows on his face. Only at the end—you already look guilty—amidst silence like a bomb’s fallout, he wears the scowl of a frightened animal.

He waits until your lips start moving to turn around and leave. 

At the door, he stops again with his hand clutching the knob, and glares at you over his shoulder. When your lips go to form his name, he slams it harder than necessary.

This is so stupid.

That was far from the first time someone has yelled at him in his life, and besides, is getting yelled at not an experience absolutely everyone’s had?

Even so, he can’t seem to make himself do fuck-all besides quietly sit, sit in your dark kitchen at the dining table, his legs folded to his chest. He feels like a gargoyle—odd, ancient, and unthinking. 

Maybe he just never expected you would ever lose your temper, which is naive of him.

He doesn’t know what to do, until, your voice speaking softly makes him bolt up straight. 

“I’m sorry, can I turn this on…?” you ask softly.

For now, your profile is merely a black shadow in the doorway, with your back illuminated by the one in the tiny hall. The switch you’re gesturing to would light up above the oven, rather than the whole room.

He opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. But it’s not a no. 

Despite the nature of turning on a light, it feels so slow.

He must’ve sat a while, because he even cringes, blinking feverishly. Before his vision even adjusts, the guilt etched into your expression is almost painful for him to look at, like a cavernous gorge shoveled into the earth miles wide and deep. You’re holding something to your chest.

“I’m so sorry for snapping like that. You didn’t do anything wrong at all. I’m so sorry, Levi. I’m never, ever too busy—fuck, I was frustrated and I never should take it out on you, not in any way, ever. I’m the one who’s an idiot.”

As you speak, you come until you’re by the table, standing like a magnet constantly being repelled from it. 

Then you set what you were holding down in front of him—one, an expensive piece of paper (the kind that bends, not tears) with a drawing of some sort he doesn’t want to look at right now, and a rice cake wrapped in clingy wrap. 

His favorite. 

“I’m so so sorry,” you continue apologizing profusely. At this point your eyes are wet, but they keep darting away, with your nails surely leaving half-moon-shaped indents in your knuckles. You pray very quietly, “I’ll do anything ‘cuz you’re everything.”

Wide-eyed, he can’t seem to respond except for a raw sound in his throat after you say that. An instinct seems primal, as much as pumping blood is, that if he says anything, the likelihood that you’ll leave him will increase an unknown amount. 

Normally he’s so calm under pressure, and he didn’t say anything before either—you’ll get the wrong idea. The best thing he can think of is to robotically slide the offerings closer.

You’re still trying not to cry when you go. 

He stays there, just as he was, for another little while. He’s not really feeling anything, but at the same time, he’s running out of breath from the effort to calm down. 

Ugh…

The way you clearly felt is probably what you get, but he doesn’t want that for you anyway. Even if you did mean any of it.

But you didn’t.

It’s midnight or so—too early for Levi to usually be asleep but very late for him to be coming to bed—when he taps the bedroom door open with a few fingers and slinks inside. To prevent from waking you up, he did most of his business in the bathroom in the dark. 

It now helps him make out the shape of you under the covers on your side of the bed. He comes like a wraith, so much that he’s near-silent crawling into bed beside you, and using the edge of the covers to slip under.

Your back is in front of him. He wants to make sure you know it’s okay… but he doesn’t know how. He closes his eyes and rests his forehead right between your shoulder blades and the thin material of your tank top, the only place you’re touching. You’re warm, you smell good. 

By the slight hitch in your breathing then, you know he’s here. 

After a while, he brings his hand up to your waist, or rather a bit before it. It’s not long before you gently rest your fingers on top of his. He lets them slot in-between.

His eyes are heavy. He doesn’t bother opening them as he reaches around, bringing you his way, with your head nestled in his chest. That’s the only time you make a move, since he made it clear it’s okay for you to.

He holds you tightly and breathes you in. You both relax.

Levi masterlist | main masterlist

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not responding to my friend?

I (21M) am autistic and have selective mutism. That means in certain situations (like when I’m stressed or worn out) I have difficulties speaking or can’t speak at all. My friend, Lily (27F), knows this. I have told her about it many times and she’s experienced this from me in the past. She knows that I cannot speak sometimes and it’s nothing I can change no matter how much I want to. And she also knows this happens frequently in the mornings.

Lily and I work together at the same store in different departments. Our shifts start around the same time so we usually go on our second and third breaks together but not the first one. The timing of the first one varies too much for me so we usually don’t do that one together. I also am usually exhausted at that time and it’s early in the morning so I have a hard time talking. This is something Lily and I have discussed.

Today I was in the break room for my first break. It’s been a very long a frustrating week and this morning was not going well for me. So I was unable to talk. Lily came into the break room and tried talking to me. It was about some music she likes. I was caught off guard and unable to talk so I tried nodding in response but that wasn’t enough. She got really angry, yelled something along the lines of “I walked all the way back here on an injured ankle just for you not to talk to me”, and then left.

Lily’s ankle has been bothering her for a week or so now. She can walk on it alright but it’s uncomfortable. I understand this. However, I did not ask her to come back there. Usually she wouldn’t come back at that time, otherwise I could have sent a text letting her know in advance I couldn’t talk. I can’t control my selective mutism, if I could I would have chosen to respond to her. I get that it’s frustrating but I feel like I did nothing wrong and she should be more understanding of my issues. But she’s really angry over this so maybe I’m the asshole and don’t realize it.

So AITA for not responding to her?

[pxppet]

I do wish that, with writing of JJ, people would include different types of muteness in their stories. Most people make him have what I assume is a vocal cord deformity or a removed/damaged larynx. But that barely scratches the surface of conditions that cause muteness. The majority of nonspeaking people could speak at one point or can speak depending on the situation.

Myself as an example: I have spasmodic dysphonia, which is a neurological condition where my brain sends signals to my larynx to snap shut at random when I'm attempting to speak. It's a lifelong condition that causes the muscles that generate a person’s voice to go into periods of spasm. I can speak, technically. I can make vocalizations for maybe 20 minutes worth of speech on very good days! But it causes me pain and stress the entire time. My quality of life is healthier and much happier if I use sign language and AAC applications.

A lot of conditions that cause muteness are similar, in which the nonspeaking person does not speak because it causes some sort of pain or distress. Muscle tension dysphonia, for instance, is the condition my version of JJ has. There is an abnormality in his voice box that causes him to over-use other muscles in his neck to help produce your voice. Steve-O has this condition, for example! My JJ has caused permanent damage to his voice due to Anti continuing to use his voice while possessing him even though his abnormal voice box was preventing him from speaking normally. Jameson can make strained, gravelly, whispering vocalizations, but it causes him pain. Eventually Anti has used his voice to the point he cannot speak at all due to the damage.

Selective mutism, as another example, is when a person can’t speak in certain settings, but can speak fine in others. It is usually related to stress, certain situations causing so much anxiety to the person that they are unable to speak. It is not a willful decision not to speak, it is anxiety so severe that the ability to communicate just vanishes.

As you can see, the ability to speak or make small noises for short periods of time is more common in nonspeaking conditions than a total lack of sound production. If your Jameson, for instance, had throat cancer and his voice box was completely removed, then that is different as he will not be able to produce any vocalizations. If he has this, however, he can still whistle, cluck his tongue, and make mouth noises to use as responses.

Representation of multiple types of muteness would be a dream come true for me and other nonspeaking people, who have so little representation that it's sad. Explore and learn! Branch out and learn about nonspeaking people and our struggles. Normalize our conditions by familiarizing yourself with them. The less incidents we have of people calling JJ "useless" because he doesn't talk, the better.

[animalsandmagic]

Celebrating Easter My Way

Easter long ago stopped being about the usual things and took on a new meaning to me. What I used to look forward to most on Easter was the big chocolate bunny I always used to get. Once I couldn't have that anymore, I didn't feel much like celebrating until I began to think differently. I couldn't have chocolate bunnies anymore, but I still had my real one. Ever since then I had been celebrating having a real bunny every year, but for the last two years I haven't had a rabbit to celebrate with so instead it has become a day of remembrance to me until the day I once again have a rabbit in my life.

So, today I remember and celebrate the fact that all these special bunnies were a part of my life.

My First Rabbit Friendly

Friendly, was a Dutch rabbit that was given to me the summer after 2nd grade as a reward for making my first communion as having both selective mutism and social phobia made it really hard for me to do this. The day I got her I immediately named her Friendly as I had decided that she was going to be my best friend and she proved to be this.

Though our first day was not our best as we didn't yet have rabbit supplies and I had to hold her until my parents came back from the pet store which was more than my new pet's bladder could handle so while even back then I understood she didn't have a choice just as I didn't have a choice but to continue holding her, it was not our best moment together even if it was a memorable one.

My first rabbit lived up to her name every day. She was always there to help me get through the anxiety filled school mornings and never failed to make me feel better after coming home from every stressful day of school, which for me was every day I went to school.

My most memorable moment with Friendly was back in 7th grade when I had to be picked up from school by my sister as I had ended up in the nurse's office after my anxiety got out of control the day I was supposed to join the bowling team at school. I had a friend that said she would join with me, but then ditched me so I ended up waiting for her not knowing she changed her mind and panicked when it was time for the bus to come. I never even made it into the classroom and unfortunately my mom had gone to the bowling alley expecting to see my first day of bowling so I had to talk to my sister on the phone for the first time ever. Luckily, I had a great rabbit to come home to. Friendly was forever patient and always willing to stay with me as long as it took for me to feel better. She loved being petted so this day, she got more of it than ever before.

The most unusual things about Friendly were that she wouldn't eat fresh vegetables and I taught her to play dead.

The summer after that moment in 7th grade was our last one together. I made some mistakes not realizing just how easily rabbits can get sick. I have never let myself forget it was my fault she died and always use that memory to make sure I do better with each rabbit.

When the next year started I had begun life with my next rabbit.

My Second Rabbit Oreo

Oreo was a Dutch mix according to the shelter, though to me she appeared to be a purebred. She was my first rescue pet and I admit to falling in love with her the moment she snorted at my sister. Oreo was named at the shelter. Back when I adopted her she had on ear that made it look as if she was part lop eared rabbit as it was bent down, but we found out later she simply had an ear infection. She hated the ear drops, but I think she knew they were helping her as it wasn't long before she had two standing ears.

Oreo was like Friendly and had some unique traits. Oreo proved to be even better with my anxiety then my first rabbit had been as she had this calming presence about her. I fell asleep more than once with her around. We actually started a routine that involved napping together in the afternoon which included my old Toy Poodle and my Chihuahua once Taco became part of my life.

Oreo also enjoyed car rides. She loved going anywhere she could with me. I ended up taking her some places no rabbit had gone before such as, to my Grandmother's house, a car ride to drop a friend's mom off at work, to the barn to be photographed by my equestrian team for our yearly calendar, and she went with me when we had my senior portrait taken. She was one adventurous rabbit. This rabbit would jump into the car herself and was almost dog-like in her enthusiasm and curiosity about where we were going.

When we were outside together the one day, there was an incident that led her to hate squirrels. She was sitting under the big tree in our backyard, just relaxing when two squirrels ran down the tree and ran right over her. Ever since that day if she saw a squirrel she would chase it as far away as she could. Squirrels thought twice about coming down that tree whenever they saw her after that point.

Oreo, like Friendly was a bit short lived. I had let my sister's kids play with her, not knowing they were sick at the time. If I had known I never would have let them anywhere near my rabbit. Unfortunately, to make things worse we had recently had to put Oreo on an all hay diet for her to lose weight and I didn't catch on until it was too late that she was losing too much weight too fast. I always wonder if I could have saved her if I had caught on faster.

Avery & Oreo 2

Avery & the second Oreo were both bunnies I met at PetSmart's adoption days event. Avery was a Dutch mix and Oreo was a Dutch. I had really wanted a pair of bunnies and thought these could be my first pair. Unfortunately, though I followed all the directions for bonding male bunnies these two just couldn't get along and I couldn't choose between them for anything as they were both great rabbits so I ended up not keeping them.

Chibi & Kojikaki

Chibi and Kojikaki were adopted from a shelter in Pittsburgh. I did a lot of research after deciding I wanted to try out a different breed and chose Mini Rex rabbits. Originally, the shelter wasn't going to let me adopt as I live in a different state, but they were overrun with rabbits at the time and I wanted two of them so they decided to allow it.

Chibi, whose name means small, was named first. I wanted to name him after two of my favorite heroes; the dragon from the Dragon Drive manga and anime, and the wolf from the Okami Den video game. As Chibi's name was Japanese it only felt right to name Kojikaki this way as well. Kojikaki waited several weeks for her name as I wasn't sure what to call her. I eventually decided to name her in honor of my favorite book series, Warriors, so I named her as if I was the clan leader and she had earned her warrior name. I had decided to call her fawn which was kojika in Japanese, but nothing else sounded right until I tried heart which was ki. As ki also means spirit I thought it felt perfect as Kojikaki seemed to be a fairly gentle rabbit I decided her new name would be Kojikaki meaning Fawnheart. I later decided it meant Fawnspirit for reasons you will soon know.

Chibi and Kojikaki were a great pair. Chibi was always taking care of his sister as if he was her big brother rather than the same age. Kojikaki was a timid rabbit in the beginning, always relying on her brother for comfort. She often went so far as to demand it from him. She could be a little rough when she was asking him to groom her and she was known to take the hay from his mouth, deciding she had to have that piece when there was plenty of other pieces to choose from, but Chibi never complained. The only time I ever saw him be anything other than gentle with his sister was whenever he was around and she was being a bully to my Chihuahua who never actually did anything to her. He avoided rabbits as he was scared of them. I had hoped having two babies would help him with this, but this usually nervous rabbit enjoyed having something scared of her for a change and this proved to be a problem.

Kojikaki, after learning Taco was scared of her, took full advantage. If he was anywhere other than the couch, she chased him right back to it. She quickly proved to be the most challenging rabbit I ever had as she learned to scratch and bite when she didn't want to do something. Unfortunately, with Kojikaki she hated being touched and especially having her play time ended. I usually had to chase her all over the house and deal with her snorting all the way back to her cage every night. I would have loved to let them run loose all day and night but it wasn't possible. Kojikaki was a chewer and her brother was a constant pooper, I just couldn't leave them unsupervised for any length of time. Chibi did eventually sort of become litter box trained.

Chibi was an unusual rabbit when it came to bathroom habits. He knew to use the litter box, it just happens he would sit the wrong way in it and nothing actually made it into the box. I had to get a special litter box made for ferrets to solve this problem. Chibi was great after that though Kojikaki later gave me new challenges as after her brother died she decided she wanted the box in the middle of the cage and refused to use it in the corner. I don't know how she always unattached the box from the cage but every day I would find it in the middle of the cage. I eventually got a flatter box for her so she had maximum accessibility to everything once I gave in and allowed her to keep the box in the center of the cage.

Kojikaki also became more of a random groomer after Chibi died. We never really found out why, but he had a weak heart and when he got sick from an illness due to this he never fully recovered and unfortunately his wasn't something I could have done anything to prevent. I don't remember what the vet said he had exactly, but I do remember the feeling of being alone with Kojikaki for the first time. Anyway, after losing her brother Kojikaki wanted to groom anything she could get though she never became an over groomer of her own fur. The first sign was when she began grooming the Easter decorations. I had to take the wind up chick away from her because it was really dirty and I didn't want her to get sick. I never did find out if there was something that I could give her which would be safe not just for letting her groom, but if she chewed on it as well. Luckily, Merveille happened.

Merveille is my Toy Poodle. At first, Kojikaki thought she would scare away this new puppy just as she had Taco. Puppy Merveille just thought she was playing and Kojikaki didn't know what to do with him at first. After a while she began to develop a bit of a reluctant acceptance to this impossible puppy which turned into respect and eventually she started looking forward to when I let him visit her. She actually gave him her own version of a kiss after he came in to give her one and one day even asked him to groom her just as she used to ask her brother though Merveille didn't do this as he had no idea what she wanted him to do.

Unlike every other rabbit I ever had, Kojikaki was long lived. She was over 10 years old when she started showing signs of old age. She did mellow a bit when she got old, but she never fully lost her spirit. She developed an illness due to old age which went undiagnosed as she passed at the vets. Due to her age and the trouble she had breathing the vet wanted me to have her put down which I never had to do with a pet other than Taco before. Kojikaki was so much of a survivor and so independent that I didn't feel right choosing for her so I asked her what she wanted to do and that's when it happened. I don't know if it was just the timing or if she heard me, but whether good or bad she didn't make me have to choose the worst option. You would think with Kojikaki I would have been ready to let her go. She wasn't the best rabbit I ever had, she definitely wasn't the friendliest, but she was still mine and we had been together a long time so it was still hard for me to let her go.

Currently, I don't have a rabbit, but I am always keeping watch on the local shelters waiting for the day one feels right to me. Until then here are two honorable mention bunnies that I met.

The Brave One

This bunny was part of a wild litter I kept watch over after my Grandma accidentally dumped chemicals on them not knowing a wild rabbit decided to give birth in her carrot patch. I kept watch over them until their eyes were open and the first rabbit began exploring. After that I knew they were fine and never saw them again.

Rabbit for Adoption

This rabbit I met while I still had Kojikaki. He was available for adoption and I really wanted to, but I knew Kojikaki would never accept a new bunny at her age and remembered how hard it was to have two rabbits that didn't get along. I wish I could have adopted him, but I hope he found a great home.

That's all the rabbits I have known in my life and I can't wait to share my life with another in the future.

[gay-ppl-real]

So happy for something I probably can't explain but I'm gonna try anyway lmao

Had a food order today, and when they arrived it was chucking it down. So I broke my Dealing With The Delivery Person Scripts (TM) to tell them they could come into our tiny front room for shelter while I unpacked the groceries & brought them back the crate.

Anyway it's no biggie, right? "You can come in out the rain". Easy to say, easy to think of, nothing special.

but the thing is I am, as I've mentioned a couple times on here, selectively mute. Talking to strangers terrifies me, and I cling to pre-planned scripts to navigate situations with people I'm not close with. Usually, if I leave the scripts, communication becomes very difficult for me, and I'm stuttery and muddled and anxious as hell, and that's if I MANAGE. Most of the time trying just pushes me to a panic attack or shut down, because, y'know, the whole thing with selective mutism is that you physically cannot talk.

"You can come in out the rain" is not part of my scripts. I managed to break my scripts to be just a little bit nicer to someone, and I just

That's something I've been working really hard to learn to do for ages. In the past there have been so many times where I've wanted to say or do something for a stranger and the good old SM wouldn't let me, and trying would just reduce me to shaking and tears, and then I felt like a mean/shitty person because I could have been helpful and I didn't even though it was such a small thing

and this is the first time I've managed to do it ;-;!!

[lyranova]

hello Lyra ! I have a question about alistar , What if William died when he was a kid ( about 12 years old ) ? How will this affect his character?

Hiya Anon! Ooo a question about our lovely Alistar 👀? Let’s see!

If William died when Alistar was 12 years old…I think it would greatly affect Alistar, which I vaguely touched on in COTF when he lost control of his powers.

Alistar actually goes through a lot around that age (he finds out about how his mother died, he loses control of his powers for the first time, he makes new friends, the GD members become even more wary of him, etc). So for William to also die during that time…it would be the final nail in the coffin for him and I think it would take many years before he would ever recover from it fully.

I imagine he would lose control of his powers right after he was told about William’s death. During that time Alistar would completely shut down. He wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t sleep, and would probably develop selective mutism due to the trauma (it wouldn’t be permanent, but it’d last at least 6 months to a year possibly). I imagine, when he lost control of his powers, it would be a lot more destructive and would last a lot longer then when he found out about how Zera died.

I don’t know if it would affect Alistar’s path in life very much 🤔. He would still become Captain of the Golden Dawn, and he would still be kind. But i think it would take him a lot longer to get there and I think he would be just a *little* more reckless than what he usually is.

So I have a lot of different ideas/AU’s for what would happen to him and where he would go if something like this happened. Some of them include OC’s by my mutuals and they are listed below 🥰!

After everyone find’s out about William’s death they all come together to decide what happens to him. Klaus and his wife would consider taking Alistar in, but after discussing it, would worry that being in the Golden Dawn right now would be a big trigger for him so would think it’s better for him to be away from the squad until he was older and had recovered.

Yuno and Neva (my OC) would come in from Spade and would discuss taking Alistar in and bringing him back to Spade with them. William had done so much for the two throughout the years, so this could easily be a way for them to repay William, but after discussing it the two would agree that this wasn’t the best decision for Alistar. Making him move from Clover to Spade right after his father died and forcing him to adjust to a new environment with new people would just put even more stress on the poor boy. So the two would decide it’s best that he stay in Clover, but the two would check in on him regulary as he grew up. (If Alistar was a baby then they would take him back to Spade with them.)

Patry would immediately travel from Elysia to Clover and would offer to take Alistar back to Elysia with him. It would be a way for him to honor his best friend, and he could just imagine William in the afterlife saying “You owe me for what happened during the Reincarnation!”. But would run into the same problem as YuNeva, would it *really* be better for Alistar if he moved to Elysia? Patry would come to the same conclusion as YuNeva and would decide it’s better that he stay in Clover, but he would go to Clover weekly to check up on him! (If Alistar was a baby then he’d take him back to Elysia).

Fuegoleon and Solara ( @thoughtfullyrainynightmare ‘s OC) would also discuss taking in Alistar although…it would be pretty awkward given the circumstances 😅. But Zera was a very good friend to Solara and Fue, and they would want to keep their promise to Zera to be there and lookout for Alistar if something ever happened to her. I think they would weigh the pro’s and con’s of adding another to their already growing family (they already have a set of twins that are the same age as Alistar, as well as a toddler named Elenora), and after a lengthy discussion Fuegoleon would decide to put his complicated relationship with William aside and the two would decide to take Alistar in. But they wouldn’t tell him what happened to Fuegoleon’s arm until he was older and more able to handle it.

Nacht and his wife Josele ( @loosesodamarble ‘s OC) would also discuss taking Alistar in. Josele was close to both Zera and William so like Solara she had promised to take care of Alistar in the event of something ever happening to them, and Nacht would know what it’s like losing your entire family and feeling like it’s all your fault even if it wasn’t. So the two would quickly agree to take him in and care for him like he was one of their own, they already had 6 children so what was one more 😁? But like FueLara they weighed the pro’s and con’s of adding another and, like FueLara, they found the pro’s outweighed the con’s 😆!

Yami and Charlotte (whose OC kids belong to @eme-eleff !) would discuss taking Alistar in as well, they both promised Zera and William that they would take care of him if anything ever happened to them. They would weigh the pro’s and con’s just like the others, and would come to the same conclusion as they did. Their eldest daughter Hikari was already close with Alistar (and they were only a week apart) so the two of them would get along well, Einar would be happy to have another older sibling (especially since it’s an older brother 😆), and Hana would be wary at first but she’d eventually warm up to him. So Yami and Charlotte would take him in and care for him the way William did.

These are just the different directions that this idea could go into and I love this AU idea 😆! Thank you so much for sending this ask in anon I had lots of fun thinking about it 🥰!

[screadingchallenge]

Behind the Keyboard Volume 37

Behind the Keyboard is a series of interviews with different Schitt’s Creek fanfic authors. The series will last as long as there is interest (from authors) and capacity (from me). If you are an author from the Schitt’s Creek fandom who would like to participate, send a DM to this account.  

Each author was given ten questions. The first five questions are the same for every author, the last five will vary.

If you'd like to do an interview, let me know!

Let’s meet our next author:

@demora00 / Demora00

How many fics have you written?

I have 16 published fics. A few for SC aren’t published anywhere and many more for other fandoms have died with ancient websites or disappeared the way physical notebooks have a way of during various moves.

When did you publish your first fic on AO3?

January 7th, 2022

Describe your writing process from “Oh, I have an idea” to pushing publish on AO3. 

First thing, if it’s a line, or a quote, or a picture, I’ll open my prompt folder and just stick it in there to marinate and come back to when I know how to use it. 

A few times, I’ve been lucky enough to go “oh wait” and open a brand new doc right away and just start writing. Sometimes I’ll take voice notes or send voice memos to friends if I’m driving and tag them #carthoughts for quick reference. 

I rarely write in order. Most of the time, I'll start a scene, get stuck but know how I want another to go, so I'll swap. More often than not there's some frankensteining. I'll moan and whine about it to @doug-judys-blog or Trickiwoo about it throughout. I know it's finished when I've edited it so much I hate it. Finally one or both of them will beta. @doug-judys-blog is the best cheerleader I could have dreamed of. They always know how to get me out of a "no words just vibes" spiral.

Tell me about your most recent fic? What do you love about it? Is there anything you think you could have done better?

The last fic I wrote that wasn’t a drabble was about selective mutism. [Some things I still can't tel you] It’s a physical manifestation of anxiety that isn’t often spoken about except as a trauma response and I feel like I managed to capture all the other little things that come along with it in a very tangible way.  I love that Patrick, who is still a person used to struggling in private with so many things, can trust David and show vulnerability without it being a stress point for their relationship. There's something really soft about that kind of trust that ultimately very romantic to me.

What advice would you give to someone who’s thinking about publishing their fic for the first time?

Do it. Get a beta. Get a cheerleader. (One can do both!) Hell, ask that compatible weirdo you kinda sorta vibe with in that fandom space to be a sounding board. Our fandom is so welcoming and talented, there's always someone willing to help.

In your mind, what’s the most important element of good writing?

I need writing to make me feel things otherwise what’s the point? I don't mean 'tear out my heart' intensity every time, but if the writing doesn't evoke something for me, I'll be hard pressed to keep reading. 

Tell me about a story that you wish you could write but that you’re not quite ready to tackle.

The last night Ted and Alexis have together and the aftermath of that. Really deep dive into Alexis' feels and sit with it for a while. It's somehow more tragic because we as the audience know that they are incompatible, but the love they have is real. But sometimes love isn't enough, and it's a real sign of growth for both of them, if a tragic way of doing it. 

Weirdest thing you’ve googled as research for a story?

Cowboy and rodeo terms. I don’t know that that’s weird in and of itself, but the reasons for the research were unorthodox.

Outlines - yes or no?

Yes, if not in a classic way. I usually do just point forms and terrible broken sentences, vibes, placeholders with attached comments and that works just fine. Sometimes whole conversations that need to happen but I don’t know quite where to put yet.

Tell me about your current WIP if you have one.

I have a few I’m working on and flip between as my attention span wanes, but I’m most involved in my first long fic. I don't want to give too much away, but it's a cerebral sci-fi mystery with Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind vibes. I started working on it a few weeks ago and it's taken over. It's completely different than anything I've done so I'm quite nervous about it, but I've been reassured it could be as amazing as I see it in my head. I’ve already written myself into and out of a corner, so you could say it’s going well lol.

[ambientbroth]

Self Diagnosed Autism Entry 10

I’m going to list off things in my life about my life with my partner. We both share an immense amount of autistic traits. We both live together and are considered independent. We both share the same gig (cleaning 2 bars) and pay rent.

We’ve worked though these things. They may seem like relationship problems in some but I assure you they are not.

Fight a lot about petty things due to black and white thinking.

We share a lot of the same Autistic ADHD traits but we are also soooo different from each other

Time management is no where in this apartment. We both have executive dysfunction

Coming up with schedules that work then stop doing it one day and never return

I do not take care of myself. I cannot get myself water when I need. I can’t be in the kitchen with any dishes. I do not eat unless my partner is with me.

We both cannot communicate effectively although we have improved so much since we’ve been finding other ways to communicate; sign language and texting

We both cannot express feelings because we are usually confused with ‘negative’ emotions

We cannot FOR THE LIFE OF US decide what to eat and when we do we are starving and cannot function

We are both a bit socially challenged in social situations (unless we are with “the right people” and drinking) and we will stay close to each other for safety - lol we are also known to wander away from the party

Time blindness. Almost always out of time. Especially me, I’m usually the one making him late to things

Parallel play!!! Yesss this is our favorite!! We play separate games, separate activities but in the same space!

Conversations are mostly about strong based theories, cats, historical significance, animal facts, other people and our interactions with other humans, our observations about humans, categorizing, what we find puzzling - things we don’t understand, and the bus

I am a hard worker but a bad employee. he’s also a hard worker but a good employee. Im very unreliable and he’s very reliable.

We are both gullible but we are skeptical to look out for one another (like If I hear or believe something he will challenge it and vise versa) which can cause conflict but usually we are just trying to keep each other from being abused or safe.

I have selective mutism especially when it comes to emotions that trigger it. I won’t even acknowledge him and it’s difficult to express myself.

I do not like arguing he finds it fun. I see it as conflict and he does not.

I am organized and he does not know what organization is or how process works. Cooking together has proven difficult. Often times we are messing with each others flow process

We both take our time. We both slow down which makes life easier when we are shopping at the store

These are just some things off the top of my head. It’s really nice to have someone by my side that has seen every single layer of me and knows who I am. Though, it does come with challenges (as with every relationship) but it’s different when autism is in the equation. We both have to have a lot of patience with each other.

[astrxlis-archive]

hi hi sweetheart <3 anyway, can i get a ficlet for thoma (i wanna say it's obvious but i was struggling to choose between him and xiao) where the reader goes silent or not respondent as a coping mechanism when they are placed in a social situation? i kinda just wanna see thoma comforting and speaking for them. in a way, it's like a traveller and paimon situation. you can chose to make it platonic or romantic because either way is fine by me! love you and don't force yourself to do this!

hi dear <3 thank you so much for the request! i left the nature of the relationship open so you can take this however you want. hope this is to your liking! love you too 🥰

WARNINGS: selective mutism

“hey-” you blink, suddenly aware of your surroundings. thoma’s looking at you with thinly-veiled concern, one hand placed on your shoulder, squeezing gently. he smiles once your eyes meet his. “are you back with me?”

you nod, licking your lips. your mouth feels drier than the deserts of natlan. when you try to speak, nothing comes out, so you sigh and resort to giving thoma a strained smile, brows furrowed. the people around you are still lost in their own conversation, so your little exchange went mostly unnoticed.

“you weren’t out long, don’t worry.” he whispers, a small smile gracing his lips. “do you want to stay here or leave?”

you bring your own hand to curl around his, squeezing once before letting go. stay. thoma nods and relaxes back into his seat, but makes the side of his thigh is touching yours, and it’s a familiar comfort that makes warmth spread through your entire being.

all you were doing was accompanying him in one of the many dinners and meals he’d promised around town, nothing new for you or him; if you were around when he’d suggested it, you were automatically included, and there had never been any complaints, nor have you had any problems with the arrangements.

“a package deal, the two of you,” one of the shopkeepers in ritou had joked once - and how right he had been.

this time, it was in one of the food stands near the docks; a fisherman wanted to discuss some issues he and others had been experiencing - you weren’t quite sure what, exactly, given you’d only met the man after the dinner arrangements had been settled as you had been busy with your own purchases around ritou at the time.

the issue itself had been resolved quite quickly, so the three of you had been enjoying a quiet, tasteful meal until a group of people walked by and the fisherman had called out a greeting. the group had flocked over, greetings were exchanged, and then one by one, they decided to stay and talk, and suddenly what had been a three-person dinner had suddenly become a big gathering. thoma, bless his social butterfly heart, had taken it in stride, since the original purpose of the dinner had been fulfilled, but you?

with each new person that decided to stay, the less vocal you became, until eventually you stopped talking altogether, the conversation slowly becoming background noise in your head as your mind started to drift elsewhere, absent-mindedly toying with the straw of your drink until thoma called you back.

“so,” a different voice grabs your attention by calling your name, your head snapping up to locate its’ owner, the fisherman. “we usually see you two together around ritou, but i’m not sure i know what your position is within the kamisato clan?” he takes a sip from his sake before clearing his throat. “are you even part of it?”

“they’re our official tailor.” thoma immediately takes over your reply in a light tone, eyes shining with pride. “milady’s current outfit was designed and sewn by them.”

you tap your index finger against the back of his hand to grab his attention, raising one eyebrow when he looks your way.

“oh, right! lord kamisato’s outfit too - it's all them, their own original designs and creations.”

someone breathes a wow, and then there's an influx of praise, all directed towards you; about how skilled you were, how it must’ve been a pressuring job considering their positions. thoma handles everything in your stead with grace, and as a shy smile spreads through your face, you take a moment to slide your hand on top of his, curling your fingers around the space between his index and thumb, your fingertips caressing his gloved palm when you give his hand a gentle squeeze. thank you.

you’re taking a sip from your neglected drink when he turns his hand around on your grasp, interlocking your fingers without missing a beat in the conversation, resting your joined hands on top of your touching thighs. i’m always here for you.

[offbranddrpepsi]

Hiya it's Blue again! I loved the selective mute hcs and I was wondering if you could do the same request with more characters? Whatever characters you'd like with our beloved spooky ghost boi Omen this time perhaps? :]

Don't forget to rest and hydrate as well <3

im glad you enjoyed Blue! I am very hydrated despite drinking mostly Dr. Pepper (i've been spicing it up with a 32 ounce thermos of water between it tho so dw) Here we go!!!!!

Omen would be possibly one of the most understanding when it comes to having a selective mute S/O. He knows that sometimes words can't land or that its hard to form the words you need so he is probably one of the best to go to when struggling. Grows to know every subtle trigger, every little thing that sets you off, and even patterns of your episodes if there are any; he is someone who is really attentive to how people act so it comes natural to him. Would probably see if he could get you into knitting to help pass time during episodes, if knitting proved to be too difficult would see about getting you into crochet or needle point. He took no time from learning about your trouble speaking to adjusting to it, it just became another part of your life together with him. Eventually you discovered he would keep a blanket that he would add a row to based on how bad an episode was, using different colored yarn to indicate various things such as severity to how quickly you bounced back etc. He would eventually give you this blanket before starting another, using each to show your accomplishments regarding your mutism. Omen would try to help as much as he could to help improve your mutism but would also not be overly forceful, only giving you help if you expressed wanting it. Would use his shadows to make shapes of various things so you could point/express what it is exactly you wanted without you having to go out of your way to write or text him.

Side crack HC: Omen would be the partner to very bluntly/to the point defend you during your episodes. He is the "they asked for no pickles" meme basically

Fade is the second most understanding out of everyone as she knows selective mutism is often rooted in anxieties, something she knows well. She is probably a selective mute herself or once was so she knows first hand exactly what you're going through and how distressing it can be. Keeps prowler (her nightmare cat thing) away from you when it happens as she doesn't want him making things worse or feeding off of what ever is causing it. Is one of the ones who at first tries to find the root of the issue to get you away from it/from that type of thought so she can give you support as well as comfort.

Listens as much as she can when she can and will encourage you informing her on your specific needs as well as issues with the mutism, writing everything down if she needs to. Similar to Omen but a lot more aggressive when it comes to defending you and advocating for you, will call people out directly for being mean to you or insensitive. Would push for the protocol to learn sign language if that helped you communicate better, would not stop mentioning it until they did. Gifts you woven bracelets to help signal when you are having issues or if there's a specific cause to your episode so she can better help you. Would also be very favorable towards getting you an ESA or service animal, preferably a cat as she adores them but wouldn't force you to settle on a feline. Fade is always incredibly soft and gentle with you when you cant speak, letting you know its not your fault and that you aren't burdening anyone.

Chamber is someone who took longer to really understand than he would admit. The man talks to himself/at people a lot so it wasn't weird when you didn't respond back, people usually didn't for one reason or another. Another agent had to point out to him it wasn't that you didn't want to respond but that you couldn't, leading him on a quest to question you as to why. Of course this stressed you out enough that it sent you into an episode, only leading to him being more confused but swapping to texting rather than speaking. Once he got a full explanation, or as good of one as you could provide, he went on to do some of his own research to help him better understand what was going on. After some time he would come forward and openly ask if there was anything he could do during an episode to make things easier or help, taking what ever answer you provided and following through thoroughly.

The designer always has a keen eye for details be that guns or people so he does pick up when you can't speak usually before you do, noticing even the slightest change in your demeanor or behavior. This leads to him distracting you or using non verbal methods of communication such as texting, writing, or body language. He would have a lot of difficulty using sign language mainly because he practices such control of his own person its hard for him to move as he speaks or thinks, every move he makes is always carefully thought out so adding even more thinking to that causes a bit of issues starting off. Does become fluent quickly once he gets the motions down and gets used to adding that to his list of things to think about. He does only notably sign when its just the two of you as he feels comfortable making mistakes and not thinking as much about his actions when around you; he doesn't have to think of how he carries himself just about what he's saying to you as well as what you're saying to him. He is a VERY fast and efficient translator of your sign language, being able to speak as quickly as you sign something so the others are aware. Because of this it does kind of become a habit of the other agents to talk to him rather than you when episodes happen which he very passive aggressively corrects. Doesn't ever make a big deal about your selective mutism, it's just apart of life so why fret over it?

[likeadog]

thank you for giving the opportunity to talk about this then. selective mutism is actually a type of anxiety disorder where, like mentioned before there’s so much anxiety around communication the person is unable to communicate. i have seen some people who talked about how they’re unable to write or type to others sometimes because of this which is why i’m saying communicate instead of speaking! the degree that people who experience it can vary. a lot of people believe people who are sm can’t speak when they’re in an environment or around others they don’t feel safe or comfortable in but in some cases like my own, even when we are completely comfortable we still cannot speak. for me i feel that speaking isn’t safe because of conditioning from abuse and so cannot. some people are able to try to force themselves to talk but it can cause a lot of distress mentally or physically. i experience symptoms where if i try to force myself to speak my throat starts closing up and i feel that i’m starting to choke and can’t breathe. even the thought of trying to talk makes my throat burn. no sound will even come out. so while some people can try, a lot of us cannot force ourselves to speak. so it’s not just simply being so overwhelmed or uncomfortable that you can’t speak. or that in the moment you can’t talk. we live our daily lives not being able to/having extreme trouble communicating due to anxiety around it for one reason or another.

never apologize i always like learning more about people <3 i appreciate you being willing + able to share all of this

And this all makes sense! I don't have much to add, but I feel like in some way I relate;; while not to this extent, when I have to speak to people one-on-one about certain things I become...paralyzed essentially (which usually leads to me doing way more work than i wouldve if i had just said something >.>)

either way, i hope you have accomodations in your life that work for you, and im giving you all my best

[slasherholic]

Essay: On Michael Myers and Muteness

A little foreword: This essay is in response to a sentiment I’ve noticed circling in the slasher community for some time. While nobody, to my knowledge, has been outright accused or attacked about this, I do find it concerning how eager some are to spew hate when confronted with people who don’t share their specific ideas of how a fictional character should be viewed—especially when those ideas have very little ground to stand on.

This essay will cover common sources of psychological mutism, and examine how they apply (or don’t apply!) to Michael’s character, to determine the most likely cause for his mutism.

Disclaimer: I have no formal education in the field of psychology. All information presented is taken from case studies and the dsm-5.

Let’s begin with some definitions to clear up a few misconceptions.

Selective Mutism.

Selective mutism is defined as the consistent failure to speak in specific social situations in which there is an expectation for speech, despite speaking in other situations. (DSM-5, pg. 195) 

Selective mutism can be diagnosed only when a child has an established capacity to speak in some social situations (e.g., typically at home). Selective mutism is not the consequence of trauma, neglect or abuse—it is strictly an anxiety disorder.

Progressive Mutism.

Selective mutism may develop into progressive mutism. (Note—progressive mutism does not appear to be mentioned in the DSM-5, but it did show up multiple times while I was researching selective mutism. Take the following with a grain of salt.) Progressive mutism is when a child becomes mute in all settings, with all people, even at home. It occurs due to heightened stress within their environment, or by way of negative reinforcement—for example, if an adult tries to help the child out by “speaking for them” during an episode of mutism.

Traumatic mutism.

Traumatic mutism is sudden mutism following a traumatic event (e.g., the death of a loved one).

Note: There are a great many other causes of mutism resulting from psychological factors, ranging from autistic spectrum disorder, to dissociative disorders, to schizophrenia—but considering how we don’t know enough about Michael’s backstory to say whether he is affected by any of that, I’ll be staying away from explanations requiring heavy speculation.

Alright! We have our definitions. Now, let’s see if any of these would apply to Michael’s case.

(Of course, the only interpretation of the character where his muteness even needs an explanation is the “Michael has a mental illness” take—which, again, is just one possible way of many to view him. The mindset that Michael must be unwillingly mute excludes the most canon-compliant take on the character—that he is just evil. Obviously, a Michael who is “just evil” chooses not to communicate with others because he doesn’t fucking care.)

Option one:

Michael is selectively mute. He suffers from an anxiety disorder. He is physically unable to speak under certain circumstances, but, by definition, he is able to speak under other, more comfortable circumstances.

Why it isn’t likely: There is no evidence in canon to suggest that Michael suffers from an anxiety disorder. Zero. You simply won’t find it. If you want to label Michael as ‘selectively mute”, by all means, do so—everybody has the right to their headcanons! But please, understand what you are saying by using that label; that Michael does not suffer from total mutism. There are situations where he can speak, and there are situations where he cannot.

Option two:

Michael is selectively mute, and his muteness has advanced into progressive mutism. 

Why it isn’t likely: Again, for this type of mutism to occur, Michael must have first had selective mutism. We are not told enough of Michael’s background to speculate about whether he suffers from any sort of anxiety disorder, and I doubt we ever will be. While this explanation for Michael’s mutism is technically possible, to treat it as immutable fact would be nothing short of dishonest.

Option three:

Michael is totally mute as a result of trauma. Whether from the shock of murdering his sister, or being suddenly separated from his family, some traumatic event triggered an episode of mutism that Michael never recovered from. He is now permanently mute.

Why it isn’t likely: Let’s get one thing straight—this view of mutism is a Hollywood bastardization.

The trope in which a character is rendered permanently mute due to trauma/psychological factors may be popular in movies and television, but in real medical cases, this idea holds little merit.

“While cases of mutism have occurred as a result of a child being abused or emotionally or physically traumatized, it seems to be very rare. I have not yet seen such a case, where a child spoke normally until a traumatic incident and then stopped speaking.” (https://www.selectivemutismfoundation.org/knowledge-center/common-myths)

“While it is possible for a child to become mute after a traumatic experience, usually the child avoids talking about aspects of the trauma itself, rather than becoming completely silent.” (https://childmind.org/guide/teachers-guide-to-selective-mutism/what-is-not-sm/)

Of course, this is not to say that trauma-based mutism does not exist. It is a documented occurrence, and it inarguably does.

However; to insist that Michael must have been rendered completely, irreversibly mute due to childhood trauma, and that his mutism persisted for the next 55 years, (2018 Michael is 61,) is not a medically feasible claim. This trope works fine in a fictional setting, but please, acknowledge that this attitude is more rooted in fiction than fact. I scoured case-studies on psychological mutism for hours, and was unable to find a single occurrence of something comparable happening. It is statistically more likely that a person who is mute for this long is making a conscious effort not to communicate. Which brings us to the final explanation:

Option four:

Michael can speak, but willfully chooses not to.

It should not come as a surprise that this is the only explanation for Michael’s mutism that can be sourced by canon material. Dr. Sartain, whose entire job it was to observe Michael’s behaviors, concluded that his patient was indeed capable of speech, and that his mutism was self-imposed. In all brutal honesty, the mental gymnastics required to get around this statement is pretty damn ridiculous; and to knock others for not performing the same mental gymnastics is even more ridiculous. 

This explanation is further evidenced by the 1978 novelization of Halloween. (Which, I don’t personally view as canon, but I know of some who do, so it is worth mentioning.) In the novel, Michael continues to speak normally up to a year after his institutionalization. There is no mention of a traumatic event at the sanitarium that might have triggered his muteness; the closest we get is the near-death of a girl at a Halloween party, but it is very heavily implied that Michael was responsible for that incident—and all because the girl beat him at musical chairs.

Simply due to the evidence we have, this option is the most likely explanation for Michael’s mutism. (For those interested, I go more in-depth about this interpretation of his mutism in this essay.)

But! All of this speculation is ignoring the fact that Michael Myers is a fictional character. His behaviors cannot be studied in a medical setting, by a medical professional—meaning that he cannot be diagnosed with psychological mutism in the first place. If you are one of the individuals trying to claim that Michael is undeniably afflicted with any of these forms of mutism, or any other mental illness, etc. You are wrong. That is not how psychiatric diagnosis works. The absolute best we can do is speculate.

So here it is, plain and simple:

If you hold the belief that Michael Myers must be fully, 100% incapable of speech due to psychological factors, and insist that your viewpoint is the only valid one, not only are you ignoring the ambiguity of this 40-year-old franchise, not only are you ignoring the massive potential for individual interpretation, but you are also fundamentally wrong. You are perpetuating false, or highly simplified information about psychological mutism, and you are trying to apply that false information in an ambiguous fictional setting. Please get off your high horse.

The takeaway: Michael’s mutism has many possible explanations.

Due to the fact that his background is not extensive enough to supply us with a set-in-stone answer, it is irresponsible to insist that any explanation is “the right one”.

So headcanon Michael as mute. Headcanon him as fully capable of speech. Headcanon him anywhere in between. I can’t believe this needs to be said, but you have the right to enjoy this ambiguous piece of fiction however you want—and nobody can tell you that you are wrong for doing so.

Thanks for reading.

[queenof-literature]

Hero of Wild - Chapter 6

I’m sorry about the delay… again… life really does get in the way sometimes doesn’t it? Anyway, I’m kinda planning my timelines/series as I go along, so if things don’t correlate I will try to fix them later. There’s also been some confusion about my story timelines and why Wild can talk in some stories and not in others. Sorry for the confusion! In my stories if WIld can talk then it takes place after this series which is a work in progress. For any questions to the order of my stories, please visit my Masterlist on my Tumblr, @queenof-literature. Thank you as always for the insane amount of support. Love you all and hope you’re doing well!

**This fic portrays Selective Mutism and trouble with speech how I and my peers have experienced it**

TW: Taunting/Bullying (No slurs), Minor Panic Attack 

Wild was still a mystery. It had been more than a week since Wild had joined their little crew. Sky and everyone else thought they were done receiving heroes, but Hylia still had surprises for them it seemed. Oh well, Hylia did what she thought was best, and Wild was a good person to have around. After the first time they saw him fight that Lynel, no one could deny that. Yet Sky couldn’t help but wonder why Hylia waited so long. Why make Wild more of an outsider than necessary by waiting more than two months to introduce him? Sky knew he would probably never know the answer, Hylia did what she needed to, but it was still something he questioned. They were back in Wild’s Hyrule once again, even though they were just here a week ago. After Wild’s Hyrule the first time, they went to Sky’s, then a random one, then back to Wild’s again for seemingly no reason. Sky hadn’t even gotten to see Zelda before he left his own Hyrule… it was just frustrating. But Sky tried not to let it show, getting mad wouldn’t help anyone. Sky looked back at Wild, who was doing his best to keep his distance from the group. Well as much as he could, Warriors and Twilight seemed to be worried that him and Hyrule would wander off again to ‘shield surf’. 

“Hey Wild?” Sky called out lowly. Wild looked up, eyes full of question and apprehension. He didn’t seem to be in a talk- signing mood today. “Are we still going down the right path?” The Links were currently traveling through a small patch of trees after what Wild had called Proxim Bridge, heading straight towards what seemed to be two large mountains, or one that was split right down the middle. Wild nodded, lifting his hands to sign. 

‘The path is straight through the mountains to the stable.’ Sky remembered Wild telling Time there was a stable after the mountain, but it was unusual for Wild to direct them down a large path. Even knowing him for a little over a week, Sky knew that Wild absolutely hated traveling main roads on foot.

“Okay, thanks Wild.” Sky smiled back at him. Wild had seemed to come out of his head slightly, awkwardly coming up to walk a shorter distance from Sky. The older assumed it was in case anyone else had questions. He didn’t mean to make Wild uncomfortable, he just wanted to be sure they weren’t lost. Wild glanced at him, as if expecting him to make small talk the boy obviously wasn’t comfortable at the moment. “We don’t have to talk, we can just walk.” Sky offered, low enough so only Wild could hear him. The other boy simply nodded, though Sky could see the grateful look in his eyes. 

The group walked in, a mix of lulled conversation and comfortable silence sweeped over them, and it was moments like these that Sky could simply appreciate his surroundings. As they approached the looming cliffs, Sky couldn’t help but appreciate the beauty of it all. Wild’s Hyrule was savage and massive and overwhelming, but it was also beautiful. The tall rocky walls reflected the bright afternoon sun, the rocks a deep navy blue instead of ominous gray. 

Sky felt a small tap on his shoulder and looked towards his companion.

“Yes, Wild?” Sky questioned softly, doing his best to not draw attention to them.

‘There’s some monster camps between the cliffs. They usually leave people alone but we need to stay on the path.’ Wild signed to Sky. Even after that small of a conversation, Wild seemed to slump down a little further. It was almost unnoticeable, but Sky was always good at reading people. Wild said the stable was almost directly after the end of the mountain path, so hopefully he would be able to run off and recharge while the rest of the group stayed at the stable for the night. 

“Guys.” Sky called out, gathering the other’s attention. “Wild says that there’s monster camps coming up, but we should be ignored if we stay on the path.” Wild looked slightly flustered that Sky had spoken up for him, but he sent a grateful nod in the older’s direction. 

“When isn’t there a horde of monsters in this Hyrule.” Legend grumbled. No one could really tell if he truly hated Wild’s Hyrule or if he was just being sarcastic. It was hard to tell with him sometimes. 

“Thanks for the heads up, Wild.” Time interrupted, nodding his thanks to Sky for relaying the message. 

The group continued on along the river, looking up in wonder when they finally entered the enclosed path. 

“Is that a shrine up there, Wild?” Wind pointed widely to the blue glow in the distance. The rest of the group turned their attention on Wild, who squirmed slightly under their gaze.

‘Yes. One here, two on top.’ Wild signed quickly to get their attention somewhere else. Sky wanted to ask about their challenges, since Wild’s trials really interested all of them, but thought better of it when he remembered how uncomfortable Wild seemed in their large group today.

“We sure we should just leave those camps there?” Legend asked, glancing between the screaming Bokoblins and the Lizalfos swimming in the rushing river.

“If you want to fight them all, be my guest.” Warriors snarked. 

“Wild said it’s fine.” Time gruffed, halting that argument before it started. As much as Time wanted to kill any monsters possible to avoid future incidents, in Wild’s land they just seemed to keep coming. Plus the boys were all weary. Even Legend seemed to dread the very idea he brought up.

Wild felt a cold hand squeeze his heart. If they got attacked after Wild explicitly that it would probably be safe, then would they ever trust Wild again? Even if they did, Wild would never forgive himself…

“Is that the stable ahead?” Hyrule asked, glancing at the rustic horse head in the distance. Wild nodded a little dumbly, not noticing how far they had made it. 

“Yes!” Wind yelled, and the group sped up with newfound energy. Stops on their journey were always a relief, no matter how brief they were. 

~

After the group finally emerged from the cliffs above, the stable was in plain sight. The group crossed a flat rickety bridge. It reminded Twilight of the bridges the other children in Ordon would claim had trolls beneath. Wild called it Big Twin Bridge, although it certainly wasn’t big compared to some of the bridges the other Links had seen. 

As they approached the group felt the same warm aura that Wild’s stables seemed to radiate. The first thing Twilight noticed was the pen of animals every stable seemed to have. 

“Are those goats?” Twilight asked Wild, thinking back to the apparent sheep the last stable had. Wild nodded with a small smirk, already knowing Twilight well enough to know the older would go greet the goats when there was time. There were few people at the stable besides the group of nine, but that seemed to be normal for Wild’s Hyrule. Once again, they saw a scrawny young man carrying a beetle shaped bag three times his size.

“Is he everywhere?” Legend whispered incredulously to Warriors.

‘Beetle.’ Wild finger spelled to them.

“Is that his name?” Warriors laughed, only laughing harder when Wild nodded.

~

  “Wild? Are you coming inside?” Four asked, nodding his head to the other Links filing inside the stable to relax around the small table within. Wild shook his head and gestured vaguely to the fire pot. 

“But… Dinner isn’t until a lot later?” Four’s brow furrowed, looking towards the sun in the middle of the sky. 

‘Has to simmer.’ Wild signed fingerspelling the last word Four didn’t recognize, and Four mentally shelved the word for ‘simmer’ he just learned. 

“Okay… but will you come inside after it starts to simmer?” Four questioned, genuinely confused as to why Wild seemed hesitant about going inside. Wild bit his lip then nodded slowly. “Wild… you know that you can do what you need to do in your Hyrule? If you have someone you need to see or something, just let Time or Warriors know. We’ve all had to take care of business in our Hyrule.” Four assured. He couldn’t tell for sure why Wild seemed quiet. Well… more than usual. It didn’t just seem like a bad day like when he and Hyrule went shield surfing, it felt like far more than that. He thought back to his conversation with Hyrule. Perhaps Wild had something to do, but he was too scared to say anything. It was worth a shot. To his dismay, Wild simply smiled a little and nodded. So that wasn’t it, it seemed. 

“Let me know if you need any help.” Four finished, shoving down his disappointment. Hopefully Wild would be able to let someone know if he got too bad… as slim of a chance as it was. Wild signed a quick thank you before heading to the cooking pot.

~

Hylia, he hoped they weren’t here, but he knew they would be. The ‘Treasure Hunting Bros’, still looking for treasure Link had found in under an hour. Link had made the grave mistake of trying to tell them that he had already found it. They gave him the riddle, teasing him, not expecting him to really find it. Even if their arrogance was infuriating, he didn’t want them to spend months, if not years, wasting their time for treasure that wouldn’t even be there if they found it. When he attempted to sign, they rudely waved him off. He hadn’t tried to talk that much to others verbally since he left the shrine. The times he did it didn’t go… well… but he could feel the words on his tongue if he could just push them out, he’d be fine! He tried to approach them, tried to warn them.

“I…” The first word tumbled out of his mouth, hot streaks of pain clawed up this throat. “I… f-foun… I foun-” Link felt frustration and fear only closing his throat more. Why was this so hard? He could feel the words, he could feel his mouth form to say them, why couldn’t he just get them out?

“Uhh, are you okay?” Prissen, the one on the right asked with a laugh.

“Tre-rea-” Link’s words bubbled in the back of his throat only to slur and stutter and eventually die before they even had a chance to leave. 

“You sound like a demented toddler, man. Have some water or something.” Prissen giggled out, and Wild felt his throat flame up even more. Somehow the white hot pain was still so cold.

“I don’t have time for this.” Dak snapped. “Either say whatever you’re babbling about or leave.”

So Wild left.

~

Sky didn’t know whether or not he should be worried about Wild. The boy was quiet, but that wasn’t unusual. The newest Link reminded Sky so much of himself it actually hurt some days. Sky had his bad days, but it was better now.

Wild however, he never spoke a single word. No one could touch him without him panicking and reaching for his sword. The group didn’t want to approach him like a spooked animal, but no one was quite sure what to do. Wild didn’t need to talk, or accept hugs and pats on the back to be truly a part of the group. They would accept their Brother of Courage no matter what, but Sky truly was worried there was something deeper going on. Something the Hero of Sky couldn’t fix.

Looking at the boy sitting by the fire outside the stable, Sky felt more lost than he had in a long time. Sky’s eye twitched as once again the two men conversing in the stable got too loud. Their constant whispering and occasional yell was even getting Sky slightly irritated, but there was nothing to do, they were in a public place.

“It’s him.” The one in blue snickered, now that he was paying attention Sky realized that their ‘whispers’ weren’t even secretive at all. Sky wondered who they were even talking about. It seems the one in red had the same question. 

“Who?” The one in red snapped irritably.

“That one!” To Sky’s confusion and worry, he not-so-discreetly pointed directly at Wild outside. The entire group subtly perked up at the mention of their new member. Some in the group were used to praise and whispers, however, this didn’t sound like praise.

“Is that the one that you said sounded and I quote ‘like a demented toddler’.” The one in red asked in a deadpan voice, much to the group's shock. Did that mean what Sky thought it meant? He heard shuffling and expected Warriors to be holding Legend back, he did not expect to turn and see it was the other way around.

“Just wait a second you idiot.” Legend snapped in a low whisper. “We need more information first.” Warriors took a deep breath and sagged slightly. Legend was right, not that he would ever admit it.

“That’s the one!” The one in blue laughed heartily, and Sky felt a rock in his stomach.

“I don’t have time for you to antagonize an imbecile that can’t even talk back.” The one in red warned, and Sky felt his worry turn to anger. 

“He was the one that came up to us last time! Not my fault he couldn’t even get a thought out! Tr-tre-” The one in blue mimicked. Sky felt his ears heating up in anger on behalf of their friend that was clearly being insulted. Glancing over, it seemed not even Time knew if he should speak up or keep quiet. They all seemed to have one thought running through their head: Maybe if they didn’t cause a commotion, Wild wouldn’t notice. But these two certainly weren’t quiet about their hatred towards their new friend.

“You talking about Link?” Four piped up, masking the deadly look on his face. The two patrons in front of them either didn’t notice the glares of the other Links, or they were too stupid to care. 

“That the one cooking out there?” The one in blue asked, smiling arrogantly at the boy outside.

“Yup.” Four confirmed in a clipped tone. Sky admired him trying to scope out the situation, but it was obvious the hero’s patience was running short.

“Then yeah. That’s the one.” The blue on, Sky had given up on learning his name, smirked. “Dumbass kept interrupting us, stuttering and slurring. Hell, I would have felt bad for the guy if he wasn’t so annoying. There’s obviously something wrong with him.” The loud one luaghed, finding the situation far funnier than eight furious Heroes of Courage.

“That’s it-” Wind growled before lunging forward, letting out a loud ‘oof’ when his middle was caught by Time. 

“If I were you, I’d keep your mouth shut.” Time leveled the man with a glare. 

“Don’t tell me you’re friends with that fre-”, Sky couldn’t tell which glare was more terrifying, Time’s, or Wind’s. 

“I suggest we make a deal.” Warriors’ stone cold voice spoke up. Even the one in red shot out of his thoughts for a moment. “You two stay on the other side of the stable from us, and keep your mouths shut, and we might just do the same.” 

“I suggest you take that deal.” Legend spoke up, icy blue eyes trained on the two men before them. Sky could see the man’s gears turning, the one in blue glanced at the one in red, who was masking his fear far better.

“Fine.” The man in blue spit out, following his brother to the corner of the stable with his tail between his legs, not deeming the fight worth it. 

“Where’s Wild?” Twilight questioned. Sky’s gaze snapped over the place where Wild sat, finding it vacant. Before Twilight could move Sky was getting out of his seat, his chair screeching against the wood floor.

“I’ll talk to him.” Was Sky’s only declaration before he was outside. He knew where this would lead, and he wasn’t going to let Wild suffer alone. 

~

Wild tugged his hood further up, as if that could make all the bad thoughts disappear. They knew now. They knew. Of course Wild knew they would find out eventually. They surely had their doubts about Wild’s lack of speech with the scars on his neck, but Wild wanted it to be on his terms. Not some random assholes in a stable! Wild forced himself to take a deep breath from where he sat on a log that was covered in overgrown moss. He had fled to one of the nearby patches of trees after the conversation that no one even bothered to hide. Four had asked if they were talking about Link. They knew it was him, and they asked to make sure. Would they think he could talk and just… didn’t? Now that they knew would their disappointment in him begin? They had been so nice, too nice. On the other hand, that’s what Wild thought before they made name signs. For him. They made name signs specifically to make it easier on Wild. Deep down he knew the others wouldn’t be so shallow to discard him for this, but it made battles dangerous. If he saw a monster all he could do is let out a pathetic croak as one of his teammates went down. It made conversations around the fire harder too. They were nice enough to try and include Wild, but it sometimes died off when they gave him room to sign. They were trying, and Wild was trying so hard but it’s not enough-

“Wild?” He heard a calm voice call out through the woods. That was Sky. Wild mentally smacked himself. He just left them! No note, no dinner instructions, he just ran away again. Self loathing wasn’t worth it, it never had been, so why did he always run? Maybe he should make some sort of noise to let Sky know where he was, but Wild didn’t even have the energy to do that, as selfish as it was. He just hoped his cloak would stand out against the trees and moss so Sky wouldn’t be searching for long. A few minutes later his hope came true.

“Wild?” A gentle voice asked behind him. Wild didn’t respond, of course he didn’t. He heard footsteps approaching and he pushed down his panic, it was an ally, not an enemy. Wild wanted to look up, but some of him was too ashamed to do so. 

“Wild? Can I sit down?” Sky said when he was finally next to the log. Wild liked Sky, he seemed kind and always asked him things. Questions, opinions, permission to do something like sit down next to him or put his bedroll near his, it made Wild feel a warmth he hadn’t felt in a long time. Or perhaps a certain kind of warmth he had never truly felt before. Wild simply nodded, not ready to come out of his curled position under his cloak.

“I just came to check on you.” Sky spoke as he sat down on the other side of the log, giving Wild the space the boy needed to think through everything. “What they said… it wasn’t okay Wild. Far beyond okay, it was disgusting.” Wild peered up in surprise at the venom in the other’s voice. Sky took a deep breath and continued. “Wild… can I ask you something? If that oversteps just tell me and I’ll stop or leave you alone.” Sky reassured. Wild thought for a moment. Sky wouldn’t push him, Wild could refuse to answer and the other hero wouldn’t push at all. That was just the type of man Sky was. Wild nodded once again.

“Wild… Can you talk?” Sky asked. It was just a question, just a simple yes or no should have been okay, but instead a rush of ice invaded Wild’s body. Without thinking he lifted his hands into his hair, clutching near the scalp like a lifeline. There it was. He was a damned coward, not even being upfront about why he didn’t talk to the other Links. Wild forced himself to nod his head. 

“Does it… Does it hurt you?” Sky asked hesitantly. Wild nodded again, refusing to meet the other’s eyes.

“I’m sorry, Wild. I know it doesn’t help but I’m sorry. I know how frustrating it is.” Wild once again glanced up in shock. He what? “Yeah.” Sky rubbed the back of his neck. “Speaking was hard for me when I was younger. I was left at the Knight’s Academy in Skyloft, my home, when I was a baby.” Sky began, looking over to see curious eyes peering from under Wild’s cloak. 

“I was quiet, and even when I talked I barely said anything. It took the teachers a while to figure out that sometimes I just couldn’t get the words out. I don’t know, they just couldn’t make it past my thoughts sometimes. The other kids called me stupid or said my head was in the clouds, but Zelda spoke for me on those days and I appreciated it. It never felt like she was babying me, she just always understood what I wanted to say. I’ve gotten better at getting the words out, but it’s still hard sometimes. The other Links understand, Wild. I know our situations are different, but we’re here for you. I’m here for you.” Sky finished. His final statement said as if it were a fact Hylia herself could not dispute. There was no doubt or uncertainty. ‘We’re here for you. I’m here for you.’ The words echoed in Wild’s head. Wild had thought himself weak, but Sky wasn’t weak. Sky was one of the strongest people he’s ever met and he’d only known the man for over a week. Wild’s hands released his hair slowly, coming to rest in his lap before he raised them.

‘I feel the same. I don’t even know if it’s my scars or if it was always like that.’ Wild panicked at the mention of what was before the Shrine of Resurrection, but Sky didn’t question him. ‘But the words don’t come. I can feel them, I can think them, but they don’t come out!’ Wild finished angrily, his hands flinging to his lap once more.

“It’s frustrating.” Sky stated. It wasn’t a question, nor was it pity, it was a fact they both knew. “If you want, we can work on it.” Sky offered, smiling slightly at the pure shock on WIld’s face.

“Don’t get me wrong, you don’t have to talk if you don’t want to.” Sky assured. “But Zelda and I practiced talking over the years and it helped me. Me, or any of the other Links are willing to help, Wild. It’s an option. Otherwise, none of us mind that you sign. We all have things to work around, it comes with a team.” Wild didn’t even know how to respond. Help him? Team? Those were all new to him.

‘Can I…’ Wild trailed off for a moment. Did he want that? Wild couldn’t even really imagine himself talking. What did he sound like without the claws in his throat? Perhaps Wild wanted to find out.

‘Can I think about it?’ Wild asked, forcing his hands to steady, meeting Sky’s eyes. Eyes that held no judgement or malice, just understanding.

“Of course you can!” Sky assured brightly. “Just let me know if you ever want that, or if you just never want to speak of this again. It’s completely up to you Wild.” It was up to him, not Hylia, or the King, or a destiny he never wanted, it was Wild’s choice. That felt nice.

‘Thank you.’ Wild signed simply, and they both felt the emotion behind it. A few quiet moments passed before Sky spoke up again. 

“Do you want to go back?” Sky asked. Wild bit his lip.

‘I don’t want to face them.’ Wild signed honestly.

“I’m sure the others have made sure you won’t have to deal with those idiots anymore.” Sky thought back to Wind snarling.

‘Not them. The others.’ Wild corrected before turning away. Coming back to an entire group after running away in shame sent cold waves of panic through Wild.  

“Oh… Yeah it’s scary, but after the amount of times Legend has left huffing and cursing I think you’ll be okay.” Sky laughed, feeling ten pounds lighter when he saw Wild’s shoulders shake a little with silent laughter. Wild finally stood slowly, followed by Sky. They began the short trek back to the stable, but one more question still plagued WIld’s mind no matter how much he tried to get rid of it. Wild snapped his fingers to get Sky’s attention.

“Hm?” Sky questioned from his place beside Wild.

‘Why help me? You don’t know me.’ Wild questioned shyly. 

“What do you mean? You’re a Hero of Courage.” Wild winced at that. 

‘You don’t know me.’ Wild emphasized. ‘Not well.’ Sky seemed to think for a moment. 

“That’s true.” Sky confirmed. “But one day or two months, you’re one of us. We’re a group of nine now and it wouldn’t be nine without you.” Sky stated simply, waving at the distant group waiting for them at the stable. 

A group of nine. Wild could live with that.

On this episode of: I Think I’m funny. “Four confirmed in a clipped tone. Sky admired him trying to scope out the situation, but it was obvious the hero’s patience was running short.” Cuz Four… short… anyway. 

I love Wind so much. He is ready to fight entire armies of Ganon himself to protect his siblings old or new he will square up. 

Also does this mirror my other fic “The Tavern”? Perhaps ;)

Hope you guys enjoyed!   

[sadachmesarthim]

peter learns to shut the fuck up challenge

oh my god hi okay i’m (kind of) freshly back to tumblr and haven’t written content like this in over half a decade please be nice to me i am a broken 21 year old who can’t take criticism for shit

marvel cinematic universe: peter!centric, eventually starker 

content: graphic depictions of violence, extremis!flash, selective mutism, brief talks of dying but it’s not that bad tbh, slightly aged up peter (he’s 18), use of slurs and derogatory terms, both in reference to self and someone else

summary: peter’s taken enough shit in his life. he lost his parents, he lost ben, he’s dealt with the number of shitty men may brought home - flash was like the cherry on top of the shit sundae. after a particularly bad day of taunting, peter is fed up, and decides to teach flash a lesson - but our baby boy is in for a big surprise when he discovers he isn’t the only freak kid at midtown tech. 

............................................................................................................................

Peter'd been categorized as a loudmouth for years - by May, his friends at school, the Avengers he fought (and fought beside) in Berlin.

Never able to stop his nervous ramblings, his mouth tended to run away with him. He somehow never developed a filter, often getting himself into quite a bit of trouble. Usually his pretty face and quick thinking kept him from any real repercussions.

But there was one such instance he... couldn’t exactly get out of.

He'd been struggling with Flash's bullying for years. He'd called Peter names, hurled slurs, spat out indecencies - normally, Peter could take it. But after the bite... they all landed so much harder.

Peter didn't understand it - spiders didn't have emotions, did they?? Even if they did, that doesn't explain why he's so sensitive. If anything, you'd think the bite would make him aggressive, or argumentative, or angry - spiders were predators, not pussies. What was his problem?

He'd finally had enough one day at the end of his senior year. Flash was being particularly snide - excitement from graduation pushing his normal antics into overdrive.

"Oh come on, Penis. You gonna fight back one of these days or are you just gonna keep hanging your sad faggot head around town?" Flash followed him out of the school building, laughing at his own "joke".

What he wasn't prepared for was an actual answer to his question.

"Yeah, actually. I will."

Peter turned around, grabbing Flash by the straps of his backpack. He glanced around, checking for spectators, before shoving his bully into a secluded alley just ahead of them.

Flash, surprised (but not entirely put off), worked himself free of the backpack and slid behind the smaller boy. Sure, Peter was enhanced, but Flash still had a good head on him height wise.

"Finally decide to manhandle me back, huh Parker? That's so cute." Flash smirked, looking him up and down as he crowded Peter into the corner. "If you're feeling so big and brave, go ahead."

Peter looked up, confusion warping his soft features. Flash... wanted Peter to hit him? Why?

Before he could actually ask, he found himself collapsing on the ground, gasping for air. Flash drew his fist back, shaking off the punch he'd just thrown into Peter's side. He snatched his bag off the ground, tossing it away from Peter & beside a nearby dumpster.

"Christ, you look so pathetic down there! I almost forgot how small you were for a second," he laughed, taking a second to gloat. "Come on, Parker. What happened to finally fighting back?"

Peter'd always been a bit overzealous - I mean, c’mon, the kid grew up listening to stories about Steve Rogers for fucks sake, how could he not develop an underdog complex? He'd spent his childhood defending his family name, his teens protecting May from overzealous asshole boyfriends, and the most recent few watching over all of Queens.

So yeah, of course Peter was going to take this opportunity to kick some ass if he could.

He struggled to his feet and stumbled forward, regaining his balance and breath as he met Flash's eyes. The tiny success was short lived, though, as he felt himself flying backward and up into the brick wall behind him. What the actual fuck?

Peter's senses never failed him - and yet, they just had, twice in the last five minutes! What the fuck? How was Flash able to hit him without warning? How was Flash able to throw him?

The confusion must've been all over his face - Flash laughed as Peter crumpled & didn't attempt to get up again. He crowded into Peter's space, getting close to the little spider's ear.

"You really think you're the only special one in Queens, don't you Penis? You think you're the only one that can break a grown man in half?" Peter groaned, wincing at the pain behind his eyes. "Newsflash, freak. You're not special, you're not important, and you're not leaving this alley alive."

It was then, as Peter glanced back up, that Flash's eyes were glowing a sick green-grey unlike anything he'd ever seem. The senses that'd previously failed him so tragically now did a full 180, sending a wave of cortisol through his system. The need to runclimbswingescapego washed over him, the spider inside completely overriding the human.

As if he'd read Peter's mind, Flash quickly grabbed him by the throat, cutting off both his airway and any potential escape route. He squeezed hard, dragging Peter up the wall until they could look each other in the eye. He crowded closer, setting Peter's skin on fire in the worst way possible.

Peter was choking, clawing at the hand on his throat and trying to kick the monster in front of him away. Flash, annoyed, tightened his grip until Peter's hands dropped and his face turned purple.

Flash chuckled, dropping a now barely conscious Peter into a puddle on the rocky ground. He opted to trade his hands for the steel toed boots he'd so carefully laced up that morning, lips curling as the idea took shape in his head.

The first kicks landed on Peter's stomach, forcing air and blood from his mouth. The next were more stomps than anything, not aimed with any thought or finesse. Each landed heavier than the first, quickly pushing Peter toward a complete blackout. The spider was still screaming, but Peter couldn't do jack shit about it.

He lay back, resigned to his fate. I'm going to die here, he thought, desperately wishing he'd just kept his fucking mouth shut. A little bit of bullying was so much better than dying a week before graduation.

But, somehow, he didn't. Sure, Flash beat him all to shit - May had the hospital bill and the new grey hairs to prove it. But Peter lived.

It took Flash a while to get it all out of his system. The more pain he inflicted, the brighter his eyes got, slowly taking over any illusion of empathy his once brown irises had. He did, eventually, tire, and grow bored of kicking the same stunned spider. When he’d had his fill, he reached down for his backpack, hooking it onto his shoulder and smiling to himself.  

Before leaving, though, he turned back to Peter, crouching down and settling mere inches from his face. 

“Looks like I got Peter Parker to finally shut the fuck up.” Flash looked down at him as he rose, spitting on Peter’s face as a last hurrah before ditching him and the alley completely. 

Peter crawled his way out of the alley after Flash left, blood soaking his shirt and face so swollen he was nearly unrecognizable. He dragged himself to the nearest shop, the kind (and very distraught) owner calling an ambulance the second she'd seen him.

............................................................................................................................

6 weeks later he was back to 100%, diploma in hand, ready to get the fuck out of Queens and up to Cambridge. He'd spent enough time being coddled, people hovering over him and tending to wounds he knew would take care of themselves. These took significantly longer, the extent of the damage worse than anyone thought - but he still healed, and was ready to stretch all eight of his metaphorical legs and get back to school.

The only problem? He couldn't speak.

Okay okay, maybe that's a bit dramatic - his vocal cords and tongue and everything still worked perfectly fine. But every time Peter opened his mouth, words failed him.

It was like Flash's hand was back around his throat, forcing air out of him and the words back inside. How the fuck was he supposed to go to school if he was effectively mute? Peter’d learned Italian in school, not ASL (a choice he was quickly regretting), but even if he had, he wasn't sure his hands would be willing to speak for him either. All forms of effective communication were stolen from him. 

He had less than a month before he was supposed to be in the MIT dorms and starting class. 90% of his prereqs required group discussion and verbal participation, so Peter was well and truly fucked if he couldn't figure this out.

Besides, what superhero couldn't talk? How lame was that? Half of his whole schtick was sassy one-liners. At this point, Spiderman was becoming synonymous with snark!

His first night back in May's apartment, he cried himself to sleep thinking about it. This sudden feeling - all grief and loss and shattered expectations he didn't even know he had... his whole world was suddenly gone, and he didn't know what the fuck to do. 

The worst part?

He didn't even have the words to ask for help.

[misslovasstuff]

Heyo! :D its yer number one 1# fan here!! 💖🌈🌼🌻💦 Could i please request a headcanon for Dazai and Odasaku with a gender-neutral s/o who has selective mutism? :D they could laugh and cry but rarely say a word but use gestures to communicate, sort of like hyakkimaru from dororo. What would their reactions be if their s/o said their names for the first time? Or i love you? Would it be more impactful? Bonus if the s/o can sees through them and their intentions despite the lack of speech. Anyways, thank you for reading this, happy writing!! I love ur works with all my heart, all 4 chambers!! :D 💖🌈✨

Ah~ I’m so thankful to have you as my friend! Thank you so much!

Odasaku

it was the day you thought you lost him that turned you into Odasaku’s weakness. 

When Dazai brought him home a bit injured, you almost lost it.

 You run to him and Odasaku welcomes you warmly to his embrace.

“I’m alright, love. Nothing to worry about.”- he whispers these words to you and you felt assured. However, you were eager to call him so your soul would notice that he was still there, alive, with you.

“Odasaku.”- your voice broke a little while you clenched his shirt, drowning your face in his chest.

Oda widens his eyes looking down at you trembling in his embrace. He felt horrible but that fact that he listened to you saying his name made him eager to hear it again.

“What was that?”- he asks again, pretending not to have heard it.

“Odasaku, I - you look at his eyes but soon anxiety blocks the words in your throat. As to calm you down, Oda cups your cheek and pats your head.

“Everything's alright.”

He loved how his name sounded when you called it. It was like you were calling the better side of him, the one who loves and saves people. The one who’s so in love with you.

“Aw, how cute.”- Dazai claims, watching you two from behind. You get nervous and point at him.

Dazai gets the message and leaves with a smile on his face.

Odasaku can’t help but chuckle at your cuteness and the fact that you always quarreled with Dazai over him.

You don’t break the hug, letting him know how much you scared him.

“Missed me so much? No wonder, it’s the first time you ever called my name. Isn’t it? - he titles his head with a smile so he can meet his eyes. - I never knew I needed this so much until now.”

His big figure conquers you so delicately. There are a lot of things he wants to hear from you, but calling his name is such a good start, don’t you think?

Dazai

 "Belladonna, today is a very important day! Do you know why?”

There was Dazai with his usual unnecessary enthusiasm. 

You nod in response and Dazai makes a happy face.

“It’s our anniversary, love.”- Dazai leans in to kiss your cheek which makes you terribly blush. You were now used to such subtle gestures, especially coming from Dazai. He was always so gentle with you.

“Ah, it’s been 5 months already uh?”- he gazes up the sky with half a smile. Dazai doesn’t notice you staring at him, countless thoughts running through your mind. The main one being; is this man even real?

The expression Dazai had on him was a peaceful one, which he only had when he was with you. You were truly a gift to him, someone he greatly cherished and loved.

And he, he was your voice, your biggest supporter, all that you needed.

As usual, you rarely talked and Dazai was usually the one talking. But you listened and sometimes that’s all a man wants.

Dazai would crack a joke from now and then and you’d laugh every time.

he loved the sound of your smile, like an angelic tune. He always mentioned how much he loved your voice, although he rarely heard it.

Dazai mentions it often how much he loves you. If we counted the times he says ‘I love you’ to you, then we’d just lost it along the way cause it’s too many times to count.

You were literally his precious. He always holds you close to him when walking and he was the only one who understood you, the one who made you feel great about yourself. That’s what a lover is, isn’t it?

But Dazai was different, he loved differently. So gentle, so caring and so selfless. Generous with his happiness but selfish with his pain, Dazai gave you the best part of him but you accepted him as a whole. He used words in his own way. His affection spread between pages of letters we usually wrote to you. To him, you were perfect. To you, he was perfection itself.

“Let’s go then.”- he grabs your hand, leading you to a nearby stool near a big fountain.

Purposefully, he leads you away from crowds of people so you two could be alone, together.

The sound of the water was refreshing and there was you, him, and the floodlit sky.

“Belladonna, I’m so happy to have you. I love you.”- something unexpected happened. Dazai hugged you. Sure, he’d kiss the hell out of you, caress your skin or hold your hand. But a hug like this, so genuine, so real and precious, it was a first.

His chest met yours and you smell the sweet aroma of his hair. Fate decided it was the night of the unexpected, because all of a sudden, your hands travel through his hair, pulling his head closer so you could whisper in his ear.

“I love you, Dazai.”- you whisper and Dazai breaks the hug to look into you as if he didn’t believe what just happened.

“What did you say?”- he widens his eyes, holding your shoulder and blinking multiple times.

“I love you, Osamu.”

Omg, get help cause the man is down on his knees. For real, he may start crying dramatically.

“Y/N!!”- He lets himself fall to you. Smiling and shaking your head from your boyfriend’s antics, you pat his head slowly but Dazai remains motionless.

You try to push his head out of your chest but he had sunk in and doesn’t want to let go.

“Say it again, please.”- his voice calmer, like a desperate serenade, asks you to say those blessed words once more.

“Dazai, I love you.”

He’s literally fanboying???

You could literally see some tears forming in his eyes.

“Oh darling, - he cups your cheek. - my name was created so you could call it.”

You look down, blushing, cause Dazai’s eyes were dancing with yours. He was eager to kiss you under the fading moonlight. He wanted to tell you how much he loved you and how much you meant to him.

“My silent flower, my precious blossom...- with an almost silent voice, your forehead meets his, both with eyes closed, all that could be heard was the fountain that harmonized with your heartbeats. 

You just stay there, eyes closed, drawn into each other’s embrace.

Right now you didn’t need any words, all you needed was each other.

(I’m sorry I’m very Dazai biased and it’s tearing me apart)