#adhd cks

[savethegrishaverse]

Just know it's never a bad thing to let yourself enjoy something you're hyperfixated on. In the era of 'cringe culture', and when you can feel so busy you're bursting out the seams working hard to stay afloat, it is never a crime to indulge. You are allowed to write that self-insert omegaverse fic. You are allowed to spend hours drawing your favorite characters. You are allowed to read until three am and put off doing the dishes. Don't hold yourself back from joining that role-playing group. Don't hesitate to start putting together that cosplay. In the daily battle of keeping it together, you are allowed to do whatever you need to do to feel happy. You work really hard, and when you take a rest you should actually rest. And that means doing what makes you feel at peace.

You are allowed to love, and it is never a crime to express that love.

Edit, because a few tags point this out: definitely still take care of yourself! Take breaks, stay hydrated, and make sure to keep yourself safe! Just don't punish yourself for enjoying something just because of your own self-deprication. Don't let cringe culture or guilt about not constantly putting forth 100% effort stop you from finding your peace.

[nichyevosobachka]

I'm wondering if it was intentional or coincidence that Wylan and David are so autistic coded. Just like Jesper is very ADHD coded.

[disabled-character-showdown]

BRACKET 2, ROUND 1, FOURTH SHOWDOWN

[touchtoes]

Okay okay okay, maybe I'm thinking about this because I'm procrastinating an essay, but hear me out. So, in the Grishaverse, it's cannon that Grisha get sick and weak when they don't use their powers, correct? We the reader (or watcher now that we have 2 seasons of S&B) generally see illness and weakness shown in physical manifestations--a dulling of the skin and hair, a lack of hunger, brain fog, etc.

However, we as the readers also know that mental illnesses, such as addiction and ADHD, are also a form of physical illness via the chemical and even structural changes that may occur in the brain.

So, this leads me to my main point. Jesper says he feels alive after a gunfight and he later finds out he's such a talented sharpshooter because he guides the damn bullets with his Grisha talents.

When did Jesper develop his gambling addiction? He was off at University, and not using tools or practicing shooting with his father on the farm. When do we begin to read his mind flipping from topic-to-topic and him craving gambling dens and/or chaos via a shoot out? He was idle on the boat on the way to the Ice Court Heist. These are just two main examples I can think of from my last re-read of SoC, but I'm plenty sure there are more.

My first few times reading SoC and CK, I couldn't figure out how Jesper didn't experience the same symptoms as other Grisha when he didn't use his powers. Now, it's so clear to see. To add to that, it's so incredibly clever of Leigh Bardugo to make such an incredible connection between the world she created and the world we, the reader, currently live in.

Anyways, enjoy your night/day/morning.

[accordionlover]

most of the time im like "i love being a freak :) yaay identity :) wahoo" but jesus christ. teenage girls will always make me want to kill myself.

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

Tbh I think this is why I'm so drawn to teen romance in general, like. I was so busy, stressed, and mentally ill in high school that I never had any time for the cool shit that TV teens do and all the fun adventures they had. My life was just sleep, eat, college-friendly extracurriculars, and maybe some hobbies squeezed into breaks if I could. But it always felt like I was missing out on a lot because I was trying so hard to do everything exactly right and get into the perfect college :(

there is no such thing as being "behind in life" but it's okay to recognise that you missed out on some things whilst you were busy surviving

[ck-the-overanalyzer]

I hate being too busy to take advantage of my hyperfixations. Like. The Thing comes up in my hyperfixation cycle and I think of and obsess over art (both writing and drawing) I could do for that hyperfixation but then I don’t have the time or energy to do that art. And when I finally do, the hyperfixation has subsided or moved to another thing.

[burntoutdaydreamer]

Weird Brain Hacks That Help Me Write

I'm a consistently inconsistent writer/aspiring novelist, member of the burnt-out-gifted-kid-to-adult-ADHD-diagnosis-pipeline, recently unemployed overachiever, and person who's sick of hearing the conventional neurotypical advice to dealing with writer's block (i.e. "write every single day," or "there's no such thing as writer's block- if you're struggling to write, just write" Like F*CK THAT. Thank you, Brenda, why don't you go and tell someone with diabetes to just start producing more insulin?)

I've yet to get to a point in my life where I'm able to consistently write at the pace I want to, but I've come a long way from where I was a few years ago. In the past five years I've written two drafts of a 130,000 word fantasy novel (currently working on the third) and I'm about 50,000 words in on the sequel. I've hit a bit of a snag recently, but now that I've suddenly got a lot of time on my hands, I'm hoping to revamp things and return to the basics that have gotten me to this point and I thought I might share.

1) My first draft stays between me and God

I find that I and a lot of other writers unfortunately have gotten it into our heads that first drafts are supposed to resemble the finished product and that revisions are only for fixing minor mistakes. Therefore, if our first draft sucks that must mean we suck as writers and having to rewrite things from scratch means that means our first draft is a failure.

I'm here to say that is one of the most detrimental mentalities you can have as a writer.

Ever try drawing a circle? You know how when you try to free-hand draw a perfect circle in one go, it never turns out right? Whereas if you scribble, say, ten circles on top of one another really quickly and then erase the messy lines until it looks like you drew a circle with a singular line, it ends up looking pretty decent?

Yeah. That's what the drafting process is.

Your first draft is supposed to suck. I don't care who you are, but you're never going to write a perfect first draft, especially if you're inexperienced. The purpose of the first draft is to lay down a semi-workable foundation. A really loose, messy sketch if you will. Get it all down on paper, even if it turns out to be the most cliche, cringe-inducing writing you've ever done. You can work out those kinks in the later drafts. The hardest part of the first draft is the most crucial part: getting started. Don't stress yourself out and make it even harder than it already is.

If that means making a promise to yourself that no one other than you will ever read your first draft unless it's over your cold, dead body, so be it.

2) Tell perfectionism to screw off by writing with a pen

I used to exclusively write with pencil until I realized I was spending more time erasing instead of writing.

Writing with a pen keeps me from editing while I right. Like, sometimes I'll have to cross something out or make notes in the margins, but unlike erasing and rewriting, this leaves the page looking like a disaster zone and that's a good thing.

If my writing looks like a complete mess on paper, that helps me move past the perfectionist paralysis and just focus on getting words down on the page. Somehow seeing a page full of chicken scratch makes me less worried about making my writing all perfect and pretty- and that helps me get on with my main goal of fleshing out ideas and getting words on a page.

3) It's okay to leave things blank when you can't think of the right word

My writing, especially my first draft, is often filled with ___ and .... and (insert name here) and red text that reads like stage directions because I can't think of what is supposed to go there or the correct way to write it.

I found it helps to treat my writing like I do multiple choice tests. Can't think of the right answer? Just skip it. Circle it, come back to it later, but don't let one tricky question stall you to the point where you run out of brain power or run out of time to answer the other questions.

If I'm on a role, I'm not gonna waste it by trying to remember that exact word that I need or figure out the right transition into the next scene or paragraph. I'm just going to leave it blank, mark to myself that I'll need to fix the problem later, and move on.

Trust me. This helps me sooooo much with staying on a roll.

4) Write Out of Order

This may not be for everyone, but it works wonders for me.

Sure, the story your writing may need to progress chronologically, but does that mean you need to write it chronologically? No. It just needs to be written.

I generally don't do this as much for editing, but for writing, so long as you're making progress, it doesn't matter if it's in the right order. Can't think of how to structure Chapter 2, but you have a pretty good idea of how your story's going to end? Write the ending then. You'll have to go back and write Chapter 2 eventually, but if you're feeling more motivated to write a completely different part of the book, who's to say you can't do that?

When I'm working on a project, I start off with a single document that I title "Scrap for (Project Title)" and then just write whatever comes to mind, in whatever order. Once I've gotten enough to work with, then I start outlining my plot and predicting how many chapters I'm going to need. Then, I create separate google docs for each individual chapter and work on them in whatever order I feel like, often leaving several partially complete as I jump from one to the other. Then, as each one gets finished, I copy and paste the chapter into the full manuscript document. This means that the official "draft" could have Chapters 1 and 9, but completely be missing Chapters 2-8, and that's fine. It's not like anyone will ever know once I finish it.

Sorry for the absurdly long post. Hopes this helps someone. Maybe I'll share more tricks in the future.

[cutestiel]

HOW THE FUCK IS RANSOM ONE OF MY TOP 3 FAVE MEN IN THIS!? SAM, RANSOM, CURTIS. THE REST CAN FUCK OFFFFFFT.

Ex Wive's Club, Chapter 25

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: the feels

Ransom had been waiting at the door like a lost puppy when Linda opened it.  Her brow raised as she looked at her son, “Hugh…”

“Linda…what did you do to my-Jess…”

“Relax, Hugh, she’s fine,” Linda shrugged, grabbing her son’s arm to turn him around so that the two of them could go down the stairs together, “Just a bit of girl talk.  Be a good boy and walk me back down to the party.”

“I don’t tru-“

“I-I’m fine, Hugh…” Jess said quietly from her spot on the bed.  He rushed past his mother, pulling his arm out of her grasp, and cradled his ex-wife’s face, “Hugh…wh-what are you doing?”

“She didn’t remove your brain and eat it or anything, did she?”

Jess sighed, her own hands reaching up to put over Ransom’s.  The smallest of giggles poured from her lips and he felt his heart flutter as a small smile found its way onto his face, “I’m fine…I promise.  Let your mom take you downstairs…I’ll be there in a second, okay?”

He gave out his own heavy sigh, before leaning his forehead against hers, “Jes-“

“I’ll be down in a second,” she reminded him softly, brushing her nose against his, “make sure your grandfather isn’t spoiling Evan and Rose rotten.”

He chuckled, “You know he is.”

“All the more reason,” she giggled.  She leaned forward ever so slightly and pressed her lips against his.  He breathed a sigh of relief into the kiss before pulling away.  He shuddered and she frowned, concern lacing her features, “Hugh, are you okay?”

“Just-I-I missed this…”

“Me too,” she admitted softly, before gently pushing him towards the door once again, “Go with your mom…I’ll be downstairs in a second.”

“I’m sure she already left me behind,” he chuckled, not bothering to look to see if his mother was still waiting on him, “She’s not one for PDA, or romance, or even love.”

“That’s what you think…”

Ransom backed away from his ex-wife, his brow raising, “do you know something I don’t, Jess?”

“Just that your mother cares a lot more than what you think…” she hinted, standing.  She bent over the corner of the bed and started to reach for her clothes.  Ransom was unable to hold back the soft growl that tore from his throat as he admired her naked body.  She stood, tossing her garments onto the mattress and raised a brow playfully at her ex-husband, “hey…down boy.  We just did the dirty…”

“And we were well on our way to round two…” he reminded her with a smile as he took a small step forward, “you know…you make me very ready for a second round…and a third….and fourth…a-“

“Hugh Ransom Drysdale!”

A smirk built itself up on his face, “oh…use the mommy voice on me again…”

“You’re incorrigible.” She giggled as she started to get dressed. 

He smirked, pulling her towards himself, “Don’t I know it.”

“Get out,” she giggled, pushing him away from herself ever so slightly.  He pouted but started to back off.  Jess smiled, following him back to the door, only to tuck herself nearly behind it once he passed through the frame, “I’ll be down in a sec.  I love you!”

And before he could respond, she shut the door on him. 

“I was still looking at that!”

Jess burst into a fit of giggles, hearing him sulk off just a few seconds later.  Slipping back into her clothes, she made quick work of being in the room. 

Linda’s words continued to echo through her head.  Lily had admitted to her grandmother that she thought Jess was a poison in their family.  That she was trying to get rid of her like she got rid of Curtis. 

Thoughts of anger filled her as she started walking down the stairs and towards the lively family party that was happening in the parlor.  From what she had remembered of Curtis he was a very present father with his daughter.  And she was very much a present mother in her own children’s lives. Not only that, but she always tried to be there for Lily, despite the partying, and drugs, and the cheating. 

So why was she the poison?

“Oh Jessica, there you are!” Linda smiled, waving her over.  Another burst of rage hit her square in the face when she saw Lily’s mother trying to get Ransom’s attention.  She couldn’t help but smirk at how her ex seemed to pay her no mind though.  But when that didn’t work he began to not so eloquently tell her to eat shit. 

Suddenly she felt a new emotion surging through her as she made her way towards  them.

Power. 

She looked at Linda, who smiled, and she knew that their was a mutual understanding of what she was feeling.  Ransom looked away from his ex and towards Jess right as she stopped in front of him and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him towards herself. 

Their lips met, and Ransom instantly felt himself melting against her. Behind him, Jess could hear Ransom’s ex groaning about ‘having some decency’ and not ‘doing that in front of everyone.’ When she pulled away Ransom looked very much like he was drunk; happily clinging to Jess’ waist.

“Of course.  The boy is just like his father, trying to recruit a harem of women!” Joni grumbled.

“Don’t loop me in with that.  I’m not a part of whatever that is!” Lily’s mother grumbled in response as she looked at the couple.

“Why exactly are you here?” Linda asked dryly, “I mean, it’s obvious that you’re not with my son…so what brings you to our family gathering at our family estate, when you clearly aren’t family anymore.”

“Well, Linda…family is there for you through thick and thin,” she spat, referring to how the case had gone the other day, “not just until it’s inconvenient.”

“You’re all too right,” Linda smiled, pulling a box from her pocket.  Ransom’s eyes went wide as he recognized the box Linda held.  She turned towards her son and handed it to him, “Hugh…you asked for this years ago…and I was wrong in not giving it to you.”

“What is that?” Lily asked curiously.

“You’re giving him the family ring?” Walt asked, rising up in his seat, “That’s an abom-“

“It’s rightfully his!” Linda spat, sparing her brother a look, “you and I both know it, Walt.”

“Th-the family ring?” Ransom asked breathlessly as he looked at his mom, “mom…th-this was passed down Thrombey to Thrombey.  I-“

“You are a Thrombey, Hugh,” Linda sighed, brushing some of the hair from her son’s face, “Despite baring your father’s name, you are a Thrombey.”

“She’s right…” Harlan spoke from his corner of the room.  Evan helped him get up from his chair and walk over to where all the action was going on, “Your mother is right.  Years ago, when you were a boy…I gave the ring to your mother and asked that when you grew up and found the woman that was to be your wife, she gives it to you.”

“But I-“

“You have my blessing, Hugh,” Linda replied thoughtfully, giving Jess a soft look, “Jessica and I had a talk upstairs…and I told her that I saw everything she’d done.  Evan is a wonderful little boy who is every bit as much of his father…Rose is an angel.  And what she’s done with you…”

“Wh-what do you mean?”

“Hugh…I haven’t seen this side of you since you were a little boy,” she sniffled, looking at her son, “I haven’t seen my little Hugh in so long.  The sweet natured, loving young man…but she brings him out of you.  Jessica does that for you…she’s an amazing mother to your children, and was an even more amazing wife to you…and as a mother…you only want the best for your children…Jessica is the best woman for you…”

 Ransom nodded, stifling a few tears before they fell down his cheeks as he accepted the ring, “th-thank you, mom…”

He turned to Jess and the box opened.  She gasped, “Hugh…”

“Jess…you and the kids are the only things that truly matter to me.  I-I’ve been a mess without you, and I don’t want to keep doing this.  I-I want us to be together again.  I want you to ma-“

“We should finalize our divorce.”

The air in the room felt stale all of a sudden.  The tension rose like a curtain, so thick that you could barely breathe. 

“Wh-what?”

“Clearly us trying to be Drysdales isn’t working,” she answered softly.  She bit her lip and looked at Linda for a moment, and the older woman caught wind of what she was saying, while Ransom still looked very much confused.  She reached forward and wrapped her arms around Ransom’s waist, “Hugh…maybe we’re meant to be Thrombeys…”

The tension in the air broke and Ransom smiled, “you think so?”

“It makes sense, doesn’t it?”

He nodded, pulling away from her ever so slightly, so that he could get down on one knee, “Jessica Drysdale…will you let me make you the happiest woman ever?  Will you come with me so that I can change my name to Hugh Ransom Thrombey, finalize divorcing me, and then file for a marriage certificate so that you can become Jessica Thrombey?”

The tears pricked at the corners of her eyes as she nodded, “Yes…Yes…”

Chapter 26

Tag List:  @Cjand10, @huntress-artemiss, @lohnes16, @tenaciousperfectionunknown, @teambarnes72, @elbell20-blog, @sebsgirl71479, @prokey16

[bowiesversion]

Marauders quotes as things my friends have said (pt... I forgot)

Snape: Well I’M sorry i’m not perfect

Sirius: I’m not asking you to be perfect, I’m asking you not to be racist

—

Regulus: Next time I have a crush on a man, lock me in a cage and zap me with the highest frequency shock collar. 

—

Remus: YOU MADE HAGRID SAY LADS???

—

Mcgonagal: I’m thinking of a number 1-10, guess what it is

James: 5

Gonagal: It was 2

James: Lets try again… I think it’s 2

—

Barty: I don’t need a man, I just need a dad

—

Sirius: Can I call you wee wee?

Remus: can I call you dumb f^ck

—

James: Lets play a game, it’s called ‘how would you scream if I forced you to take fent’

Sirius: I would say ‘more daddy’

Remus: I’d ask who’s their plug

Peter: AHHHHHHHH… That’s how i’d scream

—

Dorcas: I bought you crumbl cookies

Marlene: I think I just creamed my pants

—

Barty: Imagine if instead of disneyland it was freakyland and instead of rides it was Mickey getting backshots from Donald the whole time 

Evan: I’d still buy tickets

—

James pointing to Reg: Autism. James pointing to himself Adhd! Perfect duo! We should kiss!

[yourdadsbasement]

sorry it’s just chris has an objectively normal looking face while martin always looks absolutely bonkers in yonkers. look at him. that is not a normal man

these might be my favorite kratt bros troublemaking faces. look at martin he’s so excited to cause chaos he can barely contain himself

oh we couldn’t get a visual reference to Catherine Zeta-Jones’ famous scene in Entrapment here? we can’t have anything nice (google it young people it’s a lot of butt)

for just about everything in your life probably yeah

no comment

this is not ADHD or autism, this is cocaine

THIS IS A SPINAL TAP REFERENCE YOU GUYS LMAO good to know MK and CK are fans of the world’s greatest mockumentary (google it young people)

THEN WHY DID YOU ALL RUN OFF INTO THE NIGHT LEAVING THE DOOR WIDE OPEN

“OH MR BRER FOX JUST PAH-LEASE DON’T THROW ME INTO THAT BRIAR PATCH!”

i’m not screen grabbing the whole thing but the kiddies will DEFINITELY get the Abbot & Costello “Who’s on First?” reference

[jujus-bizarre-blog]

SOC and CK allegories for the queer characters (and other thoughts)

I was going to make a separate blog to yell about books but I decided to do it here.

I AM NOT DONE CROOKED KINGDOM AT THE TIME OF WRITING THIS SO EVERYTHING I SAY IS HAVING ONLY READ HALF THE BOOK SO FAR.

The Grishaverse doesn't seem to have any form of homophobia, but SOC and CK are chalk fulllllllll of what I can only see as plots that mimic queer experiences for the queer characters in the main group.

We have four queer characters (that I know of at the moment): Jesper, Wylan, Nina, Kuwei.

So let's start with the obvious, three of the four are Grisha. Obviously not all Grisha are queer, but all the Grisha in the party are. This gives them an automatic plotline of "hide who you are".

It could be said that since Nina is Ravkan she wasn't raised that way, and no, she wasn't. However since leaving Ravka she has been forced to hide for her safety, and not only that but she is frequently told she's "too much" which sounds a lot to me like what some people say about queer people when they think queer people should be less queer. Also Matthias is all about being "traditional" and "proper" and Nina's whole thing is that she is neither. Traditional and proper sound a lottttt like some people's arguments to be homophobic.

Jesper's I think is rather obvious. His father has a clear concern for his son being Grisha since it can put your life at risk. In Jesper's argument with his dad he goes off and asks his dad why did he never let him go to Ravka where he could be himself and learn about himself and his powers. Oh not to mention the fact that him and his dad talk around him being Grisha like it's some sort of virus that can be caught by simply speaking the word.

Kuwei's took a second to hit me but when it did I was like "ah yep, makes sense" and this is probably because it took me a hot second to realize Kuwei was queer. Yeah, apparently him being jealous that Jesper only looked at Wylan a certain way didn't tip me off... ANYWAY THOUGH. Kuwei is also told to hide who he is, but his dad goes the extra length of literally making a drug to help him hide himself. Is it giving anyone else Dorian's dad from Dragon Age vibes??? Blood magic for the gay son???

FINALLY, I will talk about my baby, the character I love more than anything else. Wylan. Here's the thing about Wylan, while I was reading SOC I wasn't sure if homophobia existed in this world yet and I was half convinced that his dad disowned him because gay. While his dad obviously didn't do that, I still think at the end of the day it portrays an experience that is very similar. Wylan is shamed, hidden, and ultimately his dad tries to have him killed, all because he can't read. His dad loathes him over such a stupid reason, especially since Wylan is absolutely brilliant at tons of stuff and the cutest lil guy. But I think it's that hatred of his son over something so trivial that really lends itself to being about something else entirely, Wylan being queer.

All four of our queer characters in the main group have different plots, but ultimately they all circle around the idea of hiding who you are and being ashamed of who you are. That sounds like a very common queer experience if you ask me.

I don't know if this was intentional or just a huge coincidence. As a writer myself I am all too aware of how easily accidental metaphors and symbols can happen. But I think about it a lot as I'm reading so I wanted to shout about it either way. I also have no clue if this is a common idea or not, I just know when I pointed it out to my friends who had read the books prior, one of who loves and reads them yearly, they both kinda went "oh damn, you right," but didn't see it before I mentioned it.

Anyway, if I missed things (or you wanna yell at me about how wrong I am, which is usually the more likely option) I'd love to know thoughts :)

AND BONUS THOUGHTS

This one is super obvious but I just wanna say it. Jesper is ADHD and no one will change my mind in the history of ever. This man cannot sit still, has been described as having limitless energy, and he seeks constant immediate gratification in the form of gambling and adrenalin rushes. COME ON MAN. I know I know, there's a lore reason, something something Grisha not using magic blah blah. No. No. He is ADHD and you cannot tell me otherwise. And I love him dearly.

Also, not a theory or anything but, y'all, I love Wylan so much. I just wanna give him a hug and a lollipop and tell him it's okay. He's so cute.

[swinging-from-my-cable]

It's ten days later. I finally remember to call the pharmacy. Pharmacist still doesn't know when they'll get more meds, and that they're now running low on others. My insurance covers one other med, but it's $100 for a 30 day supply. GoodRx can cover one of the others, but pharmacies are free to refuse it. Pharmacist says to call other pharmacies. I wonder if it has changed.

It hasn't.

So now I have to call my doctor's office, hope they have time to call around to find a pharmacy with my meds, possibly switch my dose to something more common, or have to drive to the office to pick up a paper script (or several of different dosages, IR and XR, different meds, if allowed) and then drive from pharmacy to pharmacy to see if I can get my damn meds.

I start working again on Wednesday, I'm not going to have time for this very soon.

I get any medication can be under a shortage, but ADHD meds are still running low, pharmacies have no idea when they are getting any or at what dosage, and because we don't get paper scripts anymore, we have to call the one pharmacy it was sent to and periodically ask if they have any. All this after having to remember to call our doctor for a script.

This is too much burden for a group that literally has an issue with remembering to remember to do something.

[crowpricorn]

a thing that makes me mad-ish is the way jesper is depicted as lazy and fucking up (or literally FUCKING, thanks s&b s1) on the job, while bookverse jesper is the opposite of that?

he is late on tasks (usually because of his adhd), but kaz adjusts plans around the knowledge he WILL be late (I remember something on this line in soc, when they talk about the clock chimes and how to coordinate their mission around them). it's not a "he is late = he fucks up", it's a "he will be late, and the plan is going to take that into account".

I see many text posts that make me turn my nose because at the end of it jesper is *desperate* to prove himself, especially to kaz. he is *desperate* for validation and recognition, and he doesn't "fuck up, have fun, be silly" on the job for the laughs. he doesn't fuck random people in the barns getting all his crew in danger. he CARES for his crew, he wants them to be safe. and he cares about their opinion and how much they can depend on him: he wants to be useful and good. he is not a lazy asshole who endangers his friends on purpose.

he makes mistakes? hell yeah! he fucks up! he detours to enter gambling dens (when he has free time usually!!!! or minor tasks!!! like getting ready for the heist.. not during the Actual heist)! he told around he would get rich and pay his debt? he did! he put everyone in danger, but it wasn't on purpose! he would never do that on purpose, and it shows multiple and multiple times during the heist / ck.

so!!! I think most text posts / fics / whatever that I read with lazy jesper on the job makes my skin itch because.. he is not like that. at all.

[chaoticspeedrun]

Hello! I hope you are well!

I saw that you wanted some ideas for a fic, i have a request if thats okay. I have an request for an donnie x reader (can be gn or fem!, either is fine), where the reader seems like the villain but is trying to protect them from a bigger badder villain maybe like big mama for example? Maybe like a lovers to enemies to lovers trope? Or just a enemies to lovers trope.

Anywho i love your work! Please remember to take breaks and please remember to eat and drink something today. Bye bye!❤

AN: You guys are worrying about me and my health, it’s so sweet, I’ll try though my ADHD brain might forget, thank you <3 also, your brain is beautiful anon, villain reader lovers to enemies to lovers?? *chef’s kiss* How could I pass that up?

This one took a while because I got excited and it got long, I love how it turned out though.

Trust fall

Pairing: Rise!Donnie x Fem! reader (No use of Y/N)

Type: Oneshot

Summary: Donnie fell in love with you slowly but steadily, he would have trusted you with his life, which is why finding out you were working with a villain was too hard of a hit to take.

Warnings: Angst with a happy ending, break-ups, reader says f*ck once.

MASTERLIST

Donnie didn’t think he was too trusting, but sometimes he didn’t have the insight to people Leo and Mikey would, his own ego made him think he couldn’t be fooled, and maybe, just maybe, that would be his downfall.

He met you at the Big Nexus Hotel, you were staying there for a couple of days to try something different is what you said, a human in a huge hotel full of yokai who was suddenly ran over by a mutant ninja turtle in his attempts to escape the claws of a big feral dog called Gus.

Donnie hurried to protect you, grabbing your hand and pulling you into a run alongside him, because you were a civilian suddenly involved in the situation since Gus had seen you together, so now you were in danger too.

The moment he saw Leo on the other side of the hallway waving and opening a portal Donnie didn’t hesitate to go through it, dragging you along and directly into the lair where Mikey and Raph were already staring at you in shock, Leo just whistled, closing the portal behind him before asking.

“Well DonTron, aren’t you going to introduce us?”

Introductions were a messy affair, where you explained you’d been staying at the hotel for two days before what happened, and they explained themselves in a way. You took their explanation in stride, just accepting mutants and Yokai were a thing after the crazy persecution scene just a moment before.

Your easy acceptance put them all at ease, they were shocked at it, yes, but thought nothing more while Mikey excitedly asked if you wanted to stay for dinner and Leo just made a side comment about your attitude to them being a little weird.

Donnie should have thought it out further.

You were fitting right in and sitting at the table with them, but even after the crazy day you just had you still had enough energy to ask Donnie about his battle shell, the question then went over to his tech bō, him explaining how he got his hands on the titanium used on most of his things and then switched over to sci-fi movies, Leo joining the conversation in smalls bursts at that.

You left the lair with four new phone numbers and after a couple of months, you were already a new addition to their little found family.

You made friends with April real quick and then with Sunita, their father seemed to like you and whenever you came over you usually brought a little something with you, cookies, pizza, coffee, just something for the guys, waving off their thanks and telling them it was just good manners, even when Raph repeatedly insisted you didn’t have to, while Leo would immediately ask what you brought that day once you walked through the door.

The pride and warmth that came to Donnie whenever you’d ask about his projects, the new videogame he was into, with all your attention never straying from his rants, or when you’d laugh at one of his jokes started growing and changing into something else with each of your visits.

You were always considerate of them, but he couldn’t figure out how with just a small exchange of texts between the both of you before your arrival at the lair you always seemed to be able to tell if he was in the mood for plain black coffee or a lavender latte and would walk into his lab with a small greeting plus the steaming cup in your hands.

Small things like that increased and slipped into your interactions, making him feel like you knew and understood him better than anyone else.

It made him happy, it made him nervous at times. He started making things for you, gift giving was one of his love languages, why wouldn’t he use it with one of his closest friends? One of his favorite people.

But your reaction to his gifts made him short-circuit, you were so happy, so genuine in your excitement, asking questions about the gadget he made to facilitate your routine and communication with the lair and using it as much as you could.

He started making more things for you, and you reciprocated with your own little gifts to him.

At some point you were both just stuck at the hip, always together when you were at the lair, standing by each other’s side during missions, and texting or calling when you weren’t present.

The guys teased him constantly for months and he would deny what they said until April basically slapped him in the face with the knowledge they all had and he had been in denial about.

He was in love with you.

And it scared him enough to hide in his lab for a couple of days before Leo portaled Mikey wearing full Dr. Feelings attire inside for the longest lecture of his life.

With all the courage he could manage to get from his brother and your worried texts asking if he was fine, Donnie realized that he trusted you, and he trusted that regardless of how you felt about him you could continue your friendship just as normal.

You couldn’t, you couldn’t continue your friendship just as normal, because after Donnie managed to confess you jumped into his arms telling him you felt the same, and suddenly it wasn’t all the same, Donnie was practically vibrating in your arms with glee, it was way better.

The time you shared increased if possible and the laughs did too, freer and more frequent; because knowing one another so well was another love language you shared.

Donnie felt he understood you just like you did him, he knew you better than anyone could, had seen you happy, sad, angry, and he could read you just perfectly by now.

Which was why even though, occasionally, you would disappear for a couple of hours or even days, Donnie didn’t even think to ask much of where you were going most of the time, as long as he knew you were just fine, what did it matter? When you came back you would tell him of a lady at the store who fought with you for a box of cookies or about your aunt who lived out of state and always had a weird story to tell.

Leo did ask though, he would ask frequently, and you’d say you had some errands to run, you were going to the store, to a party or a family gathering, and Donnie would say good luck, while Leo would nonchalantly let you go, but his gaze whispered doubts.

One day he spoke them out.

He asked Donnie about what you did those days when you went completely off radar and Donnie looked at Leo like he was insane, telling him it was your business, but his brother wouldn’t budge, and the conversation switched tone quickly with Leo telling Donnie how your attitude was weird.

“It’s the way she doesn’t look anyone in the eyes whenever she goes MIA, it’s different from when she just goes grocery shopping or something, why would she need to go without any communication like that anyways?”

“Please Nardo” Donnie rolled his eyes “It’s called privacy? And some people just feel like staring into the ocular globes of other people is uncomfortable.”

“Does she?” Leo insisted and Donnie knew the answer was usually a no, but he wouldn’t give his brother the satisfaction “It’s not only that Don, why is she always so sketchy when we ask to see her apartment?”

“Can you just drop it Nardo? Some people just prefer their privacy.”

“She is always hanging out at the lair though? But refuses video calls if she’s not out on the street. And how long have we known her for already? So long and not even her boyfriend has seen her apartment or even a picture of her family?”

Donnie winced but refused to give in “She’ll show us when she’s ready! Why is that such a hard concept for you to grasp Nardo? What do you even think she could be hiding from us? How can you be just spouting such baseless claims like my girlfriend is hiding something horrible from us.”

Leo sighed, shifting slightly in place before asking his next question, a bit more careful, Donnie faltered at the change of tone “Can you just check where she is? I want to believe you’re right Don, but there’s something that has just always seemed off about her to me, I won’t ask you again, the moment we see with your GPS that she’s at her parents’ place out of state like she said I’ll completely drop the topic.”

Donnie wasn’t like Leo, he couldn’t read people so easily, but he knew you, and he knew you way better than Leo did, so he knew there was no reason to doubt you and Leo was just reading a nonexistent text between lines that were as clear as they seemed.

So he caved, with an exasperated sigh, he turned to his computer and started typing something to pull out your coordinates with the chip he placed on your phone and hadn’t used, telling himself he’d only do so if there was an emergency, but he could make an exception, then Leo would finally get off both of your backs.

The algorithm showed your location and both boys stared at the screen, the calm expression on Donnie’s face shifted to something more worrying and Leo’s frown returned.

You were at the Grand Nexus Hotel.

-

There had to be a reason for what he and Leo had found out, and Donnie wanted to figure out what it was.

He was going to ask you when you came back because there was surely an explanation for you going there, so when you came back after a couple of hours with the flashing light of your location glaring at him through the screen, he asked how things went, sure you’d tell him your reasons.

Except you said it was fine and told him a story about your parents being worried about you and asking about your life, how the food was great and other things Donnie realized were pretty generic, too generic.

You were lying to him, and he didn’t even know how long you had been lying for.

-

Things were changing, and you had noticed, but Donnie avoided your questions, he avoided the topic all together even though it ate at his insides because a part of him still wanted to believe you and kept making excuses.

Only two days after they saw you at the hotel, Leo came into the lab through a portal; Donnie was about to yell at him, but Leo spoke faster.

“She’s at the hotel again, come on, I’ll go for Mikey and Raph.” Leo left immediately after that, and Donnie’s heart was beating faster, how did Leo know that? Had he been following you since then?

He met his brothers in the projector room and Leo’s portal took them to the Grand nexus hotel, Raph and Mikey were asking questions, but Donnie could barely hear them, just automatically following Leo’s instructions to check your location on his GPS, which confirmed that you were right there like his brother said, the turtles all followed until they were right behind the doors to Big Mama’s office, Donnie’s heart sinking further at the realization.

He barely remembers what happened after, the doors were wide open and there you were, dressed in all black, your clothes covering most of you except your eyes but it was you, staring back at him, first wide-eyed and then coldly, standing next to Big Mama comfortably, someone said something and he thinks there was a discussion or exchange of words, but he couldn’t remember, Big Mama herself gave you the order to attack them and he finally noticed a pair of escrima sticks suddenly in your hands as you rushed their way.

You were moving so fast, so practiced, like you had been trained, so unlike when you went on missions with them, you were flowing naturally, using your weapons against Leo, who had met you in the middle, like they were an extension of your body.

He’d tried to teach you to use his bō before, you were so clumsy with it when you tried.

Even that had been a lie.

It was all a blur, suddenly they were all fighting you when more yokai working for Big Mama joined in, Donnie was fighting with a newfound rage, all his scrambled thoughts making him see red, so much red Raph had to restrain him and carry him by force out of there, he heard Mikey trying to reason with him but Donnie ignored him with his eyes set on you.

“WHY?!” He managed to yell when you stopped following them near the entrance of the hotel “WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY GAIN FROM LYING? YOU LIED ABOUT EVERYTHING!”

“What could Big Mama’s guard gain from knowing everything about the turtles that get on her nerves?” You responded coldly and Donnie’s eyes were glassy with rage and pain while his brother pulled them both right through a portal back home.

He cried on April’s shoulder that night, over a pile of his brothers who must have felt betrayed themselves but quietly supported him through the heartbreak.

-

After that you kept meeting, thankfully you must not have noticed the tracker Donnie had placed on you, because whenever you were doing Big Mama’s dirty work, he got an alarm and they’d find you.

Every time you met, Donnie would remember everything you had done and couldn’t look into your eyes, thankfully he didn’t have to if he was shooting missiles at you from afar, why did he always go for your type? Cute and mean, he just hadn’t realized how mean.

And it wasn’t easy to fight you because despite his common sense and how much he hated himself for it he still had feelings for you, it was horrible, he hated it, he hated it so much, and he couldn’t help but ask himself every single time he saw you even from the corner of his eyes if anything you’d gone through had been real at all.

All the laughs, all the smiles, all the gifts, all your questions, had all of it been a lie? Was there anything in your relationship that could have been real? Was that how you could read him so easily?

It infuriated him to no end, to know he had just handed you over every weakness you could need to fight them.

Except that when they arrived at the lair one night after a successful fight against you, Leo pointed out that you hadn’t used anything you knew against them even once since they found you out.

It made no sense, but he was too tired after seeing you and was walking straight to bed, ignoring his twin’s plea to talk about it and his voice asking if you knew where they lived, why wouldn’t you try to use it? Why had you let them go that day at the hotel—

“Why has she failed every single time we’ve fought when she knows the controls to your tech?!”

Donnie halted and turned to Leo with wide eyes, he had forgotten, how could he be so stupid? He’d forgotten you knew every weakness, every button, every function of his tech.

“You knew that! You knew she could use it if she wanted to sabotage it! Why didn’t you say anything?!” He asked Leo, Raph looked surprised too.

“She can do that? Leo! She could have put us all at risk!”

“But she could have done that from the beginning!” Leo told them, stressing out the last part “She could have done so anytime we fought but she hasn’t! She had a grasp of Donnie’s bō at one time and conveniently touched a button that electrocuted her! Isn’t that suspicious?!”

It was, it was suspicious.

But what about it? There was no questioning you were the bad guy, you had been lying to them about everything, you had been helping Big Mama get her claws into strange artifacts—

Except, Leo was right, Donnie was tired of Leo being right, but you hadn’t gotten Big Mama all those artifacts, you had failed.

Donnie rushed over to Leo and took the latest artifact out of his hands, he rushed with it to his lab where the rest of what they had gotten from you was stored, his brothers following behind.

He hadn’t taken the time to study them, got a couple books that may have some answers about what they were, but studying them had felt like a pain, he lacked motivation, until now.

He rushed through the books, pulling artifacts and making mental notes about them and what they could do together, his brothers tried asking questions and touching them but he pushed them off with his metal limbs.

“Why would Big Mama even use this?” He mumbled, catching their attention “It’s like a defense mechanism against her type of yokai, and this other one is a mechanism against—”

Against a serpent, a chimera, it was a neutralizer.

A smudge on it caught his attention and there it was, in your own writing, ‘Amphisbaena’, one of Big Mama’s champions, the two-headed serpents.

He reached out for another one that had written ‘Cortex’ on it.

‘Operator’

‘Sprite’

‘Troll’

All of them were names of Big Mama’s champions, all of the artifacts labeled with the name of a champion it could either restrain or knock out, they had been hidden deep into the city, guarded carefully but unassumingly, yet you had known exactly where they were.

‘Why has she failed every single time we’ve fought when she knows the controls to your tech?!’

You hadn’t failed, Big Mama hadn’t asked you to get these artifacts in the first place, that’s why you never had backup, you always acted alone, guiding them to these.

Donnie was worried, because why would it be so easy? Why would it be like that? Whatever Big Mama was planning were you really trying to stop it? Was it foolish of him to believe that? The slight glimmer of hope he hadn’t managed to discard begged him to believe it was true, but could he? Why would he?

Why should he fall again for your lies? This could all just be a trap.

So he turned to his brother, who’d been putting together the pieces while watching over his shoulder, turned to Leo, so he could wake him up with the cold harsh truth, squash that small last glimmer of hope Donnie had so he could move on.

But when he did Leo had that look in his eyes like the cat that caught the canary, there was relief in his face and Donnie’s eyes widened while his twin turned to him.

“We need to get through Big Mama’s security and find out her plans, we’ll infiltrate her office tomorrow if you can figure out by then how these things work” Leo spoke confidently, starting to explain a plan to the rest of them while Donnie was unable to stop the hope from growing in his chest.

-

The boys were right in Big Mama’s office, the others guarding while Donnie looked through her computer for anything that could help them.

Finally, he found something, a whole file, but it was better if he just took it and read it at home, he started downloading the information and looking it over to make sure it was what they needed when he heard a thump and Mikey’s yell.

“Turtley-boos, I thought we’d already talked about this” Big Mama’s voice echoed through the room and Donnie saw her right at the door “No stealing from Mama.”

Leo and Raph went to attack while Donnie kept glancing at the tab’s process and cursing the size of it, just one more moment just one moment.

And then he remembered the artifacts, he took the one labeled ‘Big Mama’ and threw it “Leo!”

Leo caught it with an “ahá!” and pointed it at the spider before realizing he had no idea how it worked “Gah!” Leo was pinned against the wall by a web while Big Mama took the artifact in her hands with a new expression on her face.

“HOW did you get this?” She asked but the artifact was taken from her hands by a pair of five-fingered ones.

“Guess” You said before pressing on the side of the artifact and opening it, a burst of light came from Big Mama like the artifact was a vacuum for her energy and the spider yokai dropped, glaring up at you, a hint of amusement in her otherwise angry eyes.

She chuckled humorlessly “Oh I knew there was something I liked about you, I just hoped you were as smart as your parents when choosing a side.”

“My parents have never controlled me BM, and neither could you” You snarled before hearing guards approaching your door.

You rushed out to take something from Big Mama’s pocket, she tried to claw at you but you were faster.

You quickly made your way to Leo, using a laser to destroy the web, he fell with a screech before you pushed his Katana onto his chest.

“Get us to champion’s row, now!” You yelled.

“We still don’t know what she’s planning!” Donnie replied from where he stood at the computer.

“I’ll tell you! But we need to reach her champions NOW!” Your eyes were looking at him imploringly and while Donnie wanted to fight you and ask why he should trust you at all the familiar steps were getting closer and he cursed pulling himself away from the computer while Leo opened the portal, you all went through, and appeared at the entrance of champion’s row, where the halls were silent.

Mikey suddenly jumped into your arms making you stumble a bit with your eyes open wide.

“I knew it! I knew you couldn’t be on Big Mama’s side, you were always hiding something but I had the feeling you were protecting us!”

WHAT?

Donnie’s exasperation was slightly clouded when you closed your eyes and hugged Mikey back with all your strength, breathing with what Donnie knew was relief before you pulled back from the hug, your expression firm.

“Big Mama has been looking for an old jewel that is said to possess the power to control all yokai, she found it just recently and hid it under the surveillance of her champions, she was waiting for a big event, but because of what just happened she’ll want to use it now, that’s why we have to neutralize her champions and get the jewel before she recovers and comes for it—”

“And you know this because?” Donnie asked, glaring at you, and seeing how your shoulders tensed before sighing and reaching up to remove your mask.

“My parents work with Big Mama” You mumbled, the silence was dense for a moment “They work for the human part of the hotel’s business and raised me to continue their work, I was trained from a young age because a human working with the yokai mob boss is clearly not a safe job.”

“Woah, Okay! So, you are supposed to inherit their side of the business? And why should we trust you then? Why should we help you?!” Donnie asked, his voice getting louder and echoing through the halls as he walked up to you, he knew it, there it was! They couldn’t believe you.

You didn’t react much, looking back at Donnie with something akin to resignation, like you weren’t expecting anything less, calmly you continued speaking “I’ve hated what my parents and Big Mama do my whole life” you said while Donnie looked for any shift in your expression “When I was a kid I was exposed to the battle nexus, I saw the fights and then I saw the warriors trapped in their cells down here, saw them battle to the death with other people who didn’t even have a chance and how the yokai enjoyed the show, making bets for the next fight when there was a corpse left down in the arena.” Donnie faltered slightly, listening to the hurt in your words.

“I threw up the first time I saw it, while my parents told me I’d get used to it eventually, and I refused them, I had a rebellious phase, they called it, until I realized, if I was here, I could learn how to change things and tamper with BM’s plans, so suddenly, I became their golden child.” There was a new glint in your eyes, Donnie wished you’d stop giving him reasons to hope.

“How long had you been working with her?” Leo asked, and you sighed.

“Two days before I met you guys, BM took me in to become a guard at her side so I could see how she ran the business from up close and that’s when I learned about the jewel.”

“Then why didn’t you tell us?” Raph who had been mostly quiet so far asked a little defensively “We could have helped you if we knew.”

“It was risky” Your voice sounded pleading “After meeting you BM started suspecting me for being around you that one time, so I had to prove I had nothing to do with you to her, if you suddenly seemed to know things about her plans that you shouldn’t she would have immediately distrusted me.” Your eyes strayed to Donnie’s with so much sadness in them and he would have pulled at his hair if he had any, it was so hard to not give in to that look, but he knew better than to do so.

“The day you found me out at the hotel I wanted to talk to you guys and come out clean with everything, but Big Mama was angry and suspicious because you clearly knew who I was, so she started keeping information from me, leaving her side would have made everything I’d worked for meaningless and I wouldn’t have realized when she got her hands on the jewel, I panicked but knew she wouldn’t just use it quietly, she would have gone with a big event, so I found out where she was guarding it and started guiding you with Donnie’s tracker to the artifacts, if I had them BM could have found out, but with you, they’d be safer.”

“All right!” Leo sounded chipper “So where is the jewel? So we can get out of here pronto and talk over pizza about how disowned you are.” Raph and Mikey hummed in agreement, Mikey mentioning something about getting your favorite before Donnie raised his hands up.

“Just like that? We are just going to trust her and welcome her back to the circle?! Like nothing happened, she still lied to us! She still lied to me!” Donnie pointed at himself with his thumb, an angry glare directed straight at you, and he saw you wilt in place, his glare trembled but there was a loud hiss coming from the hallway right at that moment.

You all hadn’t exactly been quiet that whole time.

“It’s Amphisbaena! Quick, this way!” You reflexively took hold of Donnie’s arm, pulling him through another hall before letting go “The artifact! It will knock them out, just turn the cover!”

Donnie rushed to pull the artifact out before Mikey took it from his hands, pointing it excitedly at the serpent that was getting too close for comfort.

There was a screech and a thump before both heads were on the floor completely knocked out, you pointed to another hall and went running, the boys all following you while Donnie passed them each one of the artifacts.

“We’re close! Just this one and the jewel should be behind the bars—” your voice was interrupted by a loud growl and you seemed to pale

“Who’s that?” Donnie asked going through the labels of artifacts they’d already gone through, one of them held a little tiny Sprite in there, the angry champion unable to get out and hitting the glass with her fists.

“It’s Kraken Tom, I couldn’t find anything for Kraken Tom” you said in a panic, right at that moment a black tentacle reached out from your right and took you in its grasp while you screamed.

Donnie yelled your name before taking out his staff “Let her go you outgrown cephalopod!” A big missile launcher construct in neon purple materialized before shooting at the Kraken right in the face, the Kraken screeched before letting go of you due to the pain, you were falling rapidly before being caught in Donnie’s arms, you looked up at him enamored but he wasn’t looking back, glaring at the Kraken before letting you back down.

“Hey buddy, miss me?” Leo asked the Kraken before slicing through one of its tentacles while another tried to reach him “Donnie! You two go for the jewel, we’ll take care of this.”

Donnie and you looked at each other before rushing down the hallway, finally, you found what you were looking for, behind a strong container was the jewel.

“why can’t Leo just take it out with a portal?” Donnie asked as you rummaged through the pouch on your waist.

“It has a barrier against mystic arts, I took this from Big Mama back at her office” you said holding up a key in your hands and twisting it through the lock, immediately the jewel was released but a green portal opened behind you, sending chills through your spine.

“Oh darling, I thought your parents taught you better than this, they’ll be very disappointed” Big Mama was right behind you and you pulled out the artifact again but your hand holding it was pinned to the wall immobile a moment later with her web goop.

“Donnie take the gem!” You turned to him with desperation and he did quickly pocketing the thing before pointing his staff at Big Mama but she was already holding her claws to your neck.

“You should think twice turtley-boo, it’s the gem or her neck” She hummed, her claws already pulling at the skin but you refused to express your pain.

“Take it Donnie! You must leave now!” You yelled and he growled.

“Don’t be daft, like that would happen, this though, looks interesting” Donnie smirked with the jewel pointed right at Big Mama who gasped and pulled more blood from your neck before a beam of light made her eyes whiten, suddenly over the control of Donnie.

“Come on!” He said taking your hand in his and pulling you away from Big Mama who was starting to wake up from the trance since Donnie didn’t know how to use the jewel.

You both reached the guys who were finishing with Kraken Tom, when Leo saw you he immediately created another portal “let’s blow this popsicle stand” he said and you all ran through it.

-

You were in the med bay with Leo as he treated the cut on your neck, which was thankfully superficial, while Mikey prepared some dinner for you all.

It was really quiet for a bit, you were clearly uncomfortable after everything and couldn’t read what Leo might be thinking, as far as you knew he was the one who found you out, he suspected you for a while and you couldn’t blame him, it may have been to protect them and your mission but you had been lying to them this whole time, going as far as to hide your fighting abilities so they wouldn’t ask too much, the idea of pizza at their dinner table wasn’t something you entertained, your plan was to leave after everything and give them space.

Give Donnie space, despite how much it would hurt you.

“I know he understands why you did it” Leo broke the silence, still looking at the wound while cleaning it “It makes sense, it was logical and by this point he knows you only had good intentions, he does it all the time himself, good things that look wrong.” You snorted looking away.

“He’s right though, I lied, and he has no reason to trust me again after everything.” You said bitterly “I fucked up Leo, and Donnie deserves way better than me.”

“Maybe let him decide that?” Leo looked at you and you expected him to look stern, but his gaze was full of concern, for you? For Donnie? It was a brotherly concern you didn’t think would be directed at you again “I’m not saying it’s fine, you hurt him, he has every right to be angry at you, I know I was pissed” he gave you a lazy grin and you looked down again “But you were protecting him, weren’t you?”

“Big Mama would have gone after you all if she’d known I was friends with you.”

“I’m not talking about that” He rolled his eyes “I’m talking about the fact that you could have found a way to tell us everything and you didn’t because you knew Donnie would have tried to help you and put himself at risk, you thought it was better for him to hate you.”

You kept looking down, but then you heard a very familiar voice at the entrance of the med bay.

“That’s just so stupid” Donnie snarled lowly, and you tensed up, Leo finished bandaging up your neck and stood up, sending a reassuring look your way before walking out of the bay and leaving you with his purple-coded brother.

There was only silence while Donnie sat down in front of you where Leo had been, you finally broke it by speaking “What did you do to the jewel?”

“I destroyed it” He sighed sounding bitter “I wanted to study it but it’s probably better that no one gets their hands on it” he said as if he had been trying to convince himself of that “I also recovered a bunch of data from Big Mama’s computer”

At that he looked into your eyes and your own widened slightly as you realized what he must have found.

“She was planning to control me specifically” It wasn’t a question, just a fact “to create something that would allow her to increase the range of the jewel, is that why you were there when we broke in? To slip the info over to us somehow?”

“Yes” you mumbled and heard him sigh, he slumped slightly in his place, but his posture was a bit more relaxed, and you dared to look up, just to find him staring straight at you, his eyes softer than they’d been since that day at the hotel when he’d seen you with Big Mama.

“What was the truth? Were you dating me just for convenience? So you could help us because you knew I was in danger?”

“No!” You scrambled to answer quickly, eyes open wide and startling him for a moment, you looked pained at the thought “No of course not, none of that was a lie” you pleaded “About working with Big Mama and my disappearances, that was, my relationship with my parents and about my fighting skills those were because otherwise, you could have found out the first part, but none of our interactions were fake or staged, I wasn’t trying to get to you in the beginning, it was pure coincidence.”

The corners of Donnie’s mouth twitched down slightly as he tried to school his expression, but he was having a hard time doing so when your glassy eyes made him want to hold you tight back in his arms.

“Donnie I was never planning on falling in love with you, I just did” your voice had gotten lower, almost scared and he decided he’d had enough, quickly pulling you into a tight embrace, he felt you stiffen before relaxing and hiding your face in his shoulder, it felt wet, and he realized you were crying, so he held you tighter, holding back his own tears of relief.

“You’re going to have a lot of explaining to do, I want a full essay on everything that happened from then to now and no more lies, not even small ones, about Big Mama, your parents, everything” you didn’t say anything but nodded into his shoulder, he started drawing circles on your back with his fingers before continuing “But for now I just want to get some food into my system and hold my girlfriend in my arms while we watch Jupiter Jim Pluto vacation IV”

You separated from the hug looking up at him with teary eyes open wide, you looked so confused but he just reached up to wipe the tears while you attempted to form words “Ar-are you sure? Donnie, you don’t have to get back with me or hell, even forgive me if you don’t want to”

“Why would I not forgive the person who sacrificed her own well-being for mine? Your methods may have been less than ideal but I’m not stupid enough to let you go after all of that.” His voice was chiding, but his expression was soft and a small smile had started forming in his face.

You reached up quickly to place your lips over his and he held the back of your head to pull you closer.

You felt like you still had to make up for much, but Donnie was fine, and if anything was true it was that he loved you as much as you loved him.

[grimgrinningghost456]

✨Random headcanons that popped into my head, Hazbin hotel edition✨: Part 2 Electric Boogaloo

So today I decided to do the Eden trio and perhaps either Lute or Michael. I’ll decide for which angel when I get to the last person. Anyways, here we go!

Starting off with the literal man, the myth, the legend, the dick-master himself, Adam.

Adam🌿🍎����🪽: So Adam bounces around as far as roles go for me. I enjoy the idea of past Adamsapple/Guitarduck for an extra spot of angst. I kinda have Adam with the same loud and lewd attitude by the time he’s the head of Heavens army, but I gave him a little extra oomph. I headcanon that Adam has some ADHD and can’t sit still for two seconds and also can’t stop talking either. (Lucifer found it adorable when he and Adam first met) Lucifer was Adam’s pansexual awakening. While sometimes i feel like legit villain Adam is a toxic straight kinda guy, my take of a more morally grey burnt out Adam who fakes it till he makes it as a literal dick master. If it f*cks and it’s not somewhat morally ambiguous as far as what kinda creature it is, (demons, angels, (monsters?)) he probably has, will have, and will continue to have said person or creature race in his bed. He’s not really picky. He was actually in a polycule with Eve, Lilith, and Lucifer before shit hit the fan. It was nice but there were times where someone would fight the other to get a partner’s attention (mostly occurred between the humans trying to get Luci to pay attention to their little creative projects) Adam is a bear. You’ve seen my post, said post is true for my depiction of Adam and I’ll die on that hill. Usually he calls Lucifer as Helel, which was Lucifer’s name before the fall. The reason why he continues to call Lucifer by his original name bounces between, disrespect, spite, nostalgia, respect, (yes, he bounces between respecting and not respecting Luci) hatred, and love. It’s very confusing and Adam doesn’t wanna think about it. Sinner!Adam in my take is a goat-like sinner, but has some snake attributes such as a forked tongue, scales, and more personal additions I’ll let you freaks imagine. He is a little self conscious of the weight he gained over the millennia, but he gained the weight from the stress of hiding the exterminations. The older he gets the less he cares. Adam was actually allergic apples and pork when he was alive. It was an unsaid punishment after Eden. Now that he’s dead he can indulge and he DOES. I’ll end this with saying Adam either doesn’t know how, or physically can’t tuck his wings. So he has to apply deodorant onto them where they support his armpits or his wings reek. Especially after rock performances.

Now going onto technically the next two, the mother of earth, the root of all evil, Eve. (For this one, any headcanons and details on Eve will be green, her manifestation as Roo will be red. Please ignore the Christmas vibes :) )

Eve🌿🍎🌸🌼/Roo🍎🥀🔪🖤: So with Eve, I see her as a very shy woman. She still loves Lucifer, having been infatuated enough with the man to bite the apple. She has resentment towards Adam for sending Luci and Lilith to Hell, and she does have guilt for being the replacement for the first woman of humanity, so she sought Lucifer and Lilith out and became involved. Adam was involved as well before he felt betrayed. She loves to plant and actually has a good talent for making medicine from herbs while Adam took to hunting easily. This connection does bleed into the idea of hunters and gatherers for early existing humans. Eve is allergic to be stings after being kicked out from Eden. She could never really hate Adam but does hate the turn he’s taken personality wise. Roo absolutely hates Adam. She’s not a split personality of Eve so much as she’s the corruption that took over. She was always there in the back of eves mind, but their personalities and thoughts merged after Death. She still has an infatuation concerning Lucifer but it gets into the concerning side of things after rotting in hell. Potentially Charlie’s biological sire, not Lilith. She resents Lilith for her active role as Queen and movements against Heaven, resents Lucifer a tad for not making her his Queen, and hates Adam for blaming the apple thing on her. She proceeded to try to force feed him an apple so he’d go into epileptic shock. There was mixed results.

Ok, moving onto the Queen of hell and Lucifer’s top, Lilith Morningstar!

Lilith🍎🐍🐐🌙: Lilith never really hated Adam but the man would never let her top. Lucifer let her top all the time so that’s a plus right off the bat. I bounce between Lilith being an evil bitch who left Lucifer and Charlie, purposefully driving a wedge into a family, Lilith being head over heels for Luci and leaving to protect her family and hell from Adam and his girls, and being a sort-of friend with Luci who understands their love died long ago, but sees no point in having beef. And we have the version with radioapple in progress when she gets back. I do have the idea that Lilith has Alastor’s soul, so whether she has a positive or negative reaction to Al dating or being married to or screwing Luci, shit hits the fan regardless. Lilith is cold and calculating when she needs to be as well as promiscuous. She and Luci typically have an open relationships in the plots in which they’re still married but has a multiship going. Any version of an open relationship with Luci and Lilith is healthy and supportive in my book. She is actually Charlie’s dad (or is she?) on technicality. Luci carried Charlie. No matter what role Lilith is when she gets back to hell (villain, anti heroine, good guy, morally grey guy) she always wants to drag Luci to bed. Because she hasn’t seen her bottom in 7 years. Deer doesn’t appreciate this. (Luci may or may not appreciate it)

Anyways that’s all I got, I’m going to add an angel to this post but you can decide who

As always questions, comments, and thoughts are appreciated. I love discussions and debates as long as we’re polite and respectful of each others opinions!