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fidicusautism · 4 months ago
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neonbuck · 8 months ago
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whenver i see people complain about things not being tagged im like. well yeah. when tumblr users went to twitter and came back, they all stopped putting content warning tags on literally anything. no one even puts cw tags on graphic discussions of sexual abuse anymore. i'm glad i'm medicated for PTSD now but before that i was always at risk of having my entire day ruined
i just dont think anyone cares anymore so i've never even bothered complaining about it
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todayisafridaynight · 1 year ago
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I wanted to write in about my thoughts on Jo as a CSA survivor separately for a couple of reasons:
I already more or less have what I have to say on the topic in order thanks to talks with @starssystem and another friend [<3]
This is a massive tonal shift from anything else I could be discussing
This Is Massive In General For The Love Of God PLEASE Help Me
Obvious CSA CW for anyone else reading; I only discuss statistics, psychology, and the aftereffects seen in survivors here, but it's worth a warning.
With the disclaimers out of the way… I'd mentioned before I've only ever added one thing to Jo's background, and you were right: this is it! To me, there's so much thematic overlap in Jo's narrative with the experience of surviving CSA it's worth it to examine his character through the lens of that being the case. Of course, there are clearly-stated reasons for it all that Aren't That, but…
It's the pervasive guilt and shame, the lifelong secret that becomes too unbearable not to tell, the faulty coping mechanisms aimed at burying the trauma without having to face it, the reluctance to be sincere [vulnerable] and the lies and half-truths used to maintain the facade of invulnerability, the pursuit of power and control and the knee-jerk anger response when it's threatened, the pursuit of mastery over his body and the indifference to what happens to it. And the way a lot of it really does stem from a deeply traumatic childhood sexual experience from before either he or Ikumi understood what they were getting into, from before they could give informed consent.
Statistically, the further below the average age someone is for their first time, the likelihood of [at best] having been introduced to sex inappropriately and [at worst] having been abused at the time or earlier rises exponentially. Jo was 15 when Masato was conceived--possibly 14, since he was saying he "met" Arakawa at 15, and by then Masato was already born. To put this into perspective, since what ages register as concerning is largely cultural, the average age in the US and UK is 16-18. But in Japan, it's over 19.
To a Westerner [or even a heavily Westernized non-Westerner], having a kid at 15 is unfortunate, but not untenable; you've seen it on TV, you might know people like that, you might even be that kid or that parent. But in Jo's case, with him being 4 or 5 years younger than average, it's like if someone told you they had their first time--had a /kid/--at 13 or under. That's the equivalent discrepancy. That /is/ concerning, to me.
It's also something that's linked to negative outcomes in adulthood, partly because of the likelihood of forming bonds with poorly-adjusted peers. Jo specifically states he and Ikumi were only together because others who came from backgrounds like his own were all he had back then. [As an aside, it's interesting to see him instinctively seek out a relationship where his pain would be understood without having to say anything--or one where he could assume it would, at any rate.]
When it comes to his relationship with Ikumi, I've always felt there was this "adult dynamic" between them--in the sense it feels like one that'd be more fitting for adults to get into than a couple of teens. It was, based on his wording, a primarily physical relationship neither of them expected to last even if they were living together. To me, it's one thing if you're fully convinced you're in love or you're experimenting or whatever and that results in an unplanned pregnancy, but it's another thing entirely to have such a bleak yet objective outlook on your relationship so young.
And it didn't have to be that way. He could've been just like Arakawa, head-over-heels in love with this girl who was The Only Good Thing He Had Going, or something like that. But the sheer contrast between how Arakawa was crazy about Akane and never forgot about her for the rest of his life, while Jo more-or-less-clearly didn't have feelings for Ikumi and can't bring himself to remember her name after living with her for at least a year and experiencing life-changing events with her…
It's notable to me that Arakawa maintains an interest in women while nearly every in-character interpretation I've seen makes Jo averse to women. Obviously, we don't really know that; it's probably just based on his general attitudes, his contrast with Arakawa, and maybe his immunity to Charm. But I think there's a reason a lot of people pick up on it and tie it to trauma rather than/in addition to a lack of interest in women.
I've talked about this through the lens of comphet already [and Jo being gay or ace or both would present other difficulties], but I can't overstate how notable it is on its own. We see Jo's response to traumatic events, and it's to become preoccupied with them, to investigate further if he has any leads. That's why he remembers every minute detail of the night Masato was born and the time he saw Arakawa attempt to comfort Masato when he was crying and hitting himself. I think it's also why he gets as far as he does when looking into Arakawa's death, and why he entrusts the search to Ichi. He never seems to manage to block them out, even if that's what he'd rather do--even if that's what he thinks he's doing.
So if he "[doesn't] even remember" the name of the mother of his child, I get the feeling there's something more going on. Like I've [probably] said in the past, Jo genuinely sounds traumatized by the relationship as a whole. More than anything else he's been through, and he's been through a lot. It's often the case that CSA survivors who are also survivors of other trauma view it as worse than anything else that happened to them.
And that's not to implicate Ikumi at all, I don't think it's a case of COCSA--everything I've said holds just as true for her, and she had to suffer the additional trauma of an unwanted pregnancy and childbirth, at that. Rather, I think it would make sense for something like CSA, which often incontrovertibly reconfigures one's relationship with sex and love, to be a factor in why they rushed into a something physical before they were mature enough to handle it.
Some victims end up having perfectly healthy experiences, some victims end up avoiding them, some victims end up re-victimized, and some victims end up with a mixed bag--there's a lot of variation. But some victims do end up having relationships like this and making mistakes like this, because that's all they know, or because they want to heal but don't [or don't know how to] go about it in a healthy way, at a healthy pace. And I definitely think if you recognize that's what the basis of your relationship was, that it all comes back to something you'd rather forget, it'd make sense to want to forget the relationship as a whole.
To that end, it's possible to come away from a relationship traumatized even if no one did anything wrong. I've [probably] talked about how the way Jo comforts her at the station feels like he's doing it for her sake and pushing his own feelings down, but neither of them is really buying it. If that's a pattern in their relationship, perhaps he wouldn't have been able to communicate if maybe what they were doing was dredging up bad memories, if he wanted to stop but didn't think she did. So to go through with it, then get the news months later…
Either way, the fact Ikumi couldn't bring herself to tell him she was pregnant until nothing could be done would, for Jo, invariably cement the feeling he has no control over what happens around him. I think the sense of powerlessness he felt is why he blew up at her when she told him, because it's really the only time we see him lash out like that at her. At the park, he objects to going back for Masato, sure, but he's passive. And I think that unbroken pattern of powerlessness in his life [which CSA would only compound on] is why he's so reactionary, why he's so emotionally dysregulated, why he expresses his rage through what basically amounts to power-tripping.
But I do think Jo does have a great deal of awareness. A lot of his wording when he's telling Ichi about it borders on poetic, or at the very least candid and effective. That requires both prior reflection and a command of language. I think there's a lot he understands deep down, at least after sitting with it for long enough, but he isn't capable of voicing--or doesn't know how to voice--what's on his mind, most of the time.
So when he joins the Arakawa Family, when he rises the ranks and has that control back, his control has to be near-absolute. If it's undermined in any way--such as, for example, a certain someone failing to answer a call within two rings--he loses it. On the other side of the coin, I do feel a lot of why his devotion and gratitude towards Arakawa goes to the extent it does, why he's so comfortable with him, is because Arakawa gave him the safety of the Arakawa Family, gave him back his autonomy, gave him the environment--and treated him with enough humanity to give him the reason--to learn to regulate himself, to better himself.
And Arakawa /gets/ trauma. He really does. Aside from his own abusive background, literally the only time the word trauma comes out of any character's mouth in this series, it's Arakawa's. It comes back to Jo saying others who came from backgrounds like his own were all he had; that never changed, did it?
Lastly, For Funsies [<- LIE. COMPLETE LIE. TURN BACK NOW] I wanted to go through the items on this [CSA] Survivors' Aftereffects Checklist I could check off with near-certainty. 19/34, by the way, give or take. Now, as I said at the beginning, there are existing concrete reasons for why he has many of these experiences… but it's like the trans allegory with Masato, To Me… If I can check off over half the list based on a very limited backstory and an hour of screen time total, that's indicative of a notable overlap… TO ME…
Note that the book this list is from was published in 1990 and focuses on women's experiences. It was a huge step forward in giving survivors a voice back when a lot of existing research indicated CSA had neutral or even positive effects on children, but it's definitely a product of its time. With that out of the way…
Wearing a lot of clothing, even in summer […]
To be fair, most male characters in RGG are fully-covered and have near-unchanging designs, and it's winter in both 2000/2001 and presumably 2019, but… when it comes to Jo, it feels a little different.
He does have Some Heavage in his twenties [although the necklace takes the attention off of his actual chest], but as time goes on, he shows less and less skin and adds more and more layers. When he has the gloves on, it leaves no skin exposed at all, and there's this direct symbolic correlation with secrecy that isn't there for other characters. And if you're wearing three layers of leather [or even one], you can neither feel what you're touching nor feel anything touch you.
Pure Speculation, but I just can't really see him underdressed for any occasion… That's why his fit in Day with the Sun is funny as hell but also… yeah…
As a behavior, if it's rooted in anything, it's probably rooted in having to hide signs of physical abuse, of course--but then he kind of already had an excuse, with how he was constantly getting into fights. I guess it depends on the specifics, but I think it's interesting to consider this as one way CSA victims attempt to regain control of their bodies, avoiding emotional discomfort at the cost of physical discomfort.
Self-destructiveness
It's nothing super overt, but I see this most clearly represented in his second boss fight in particular; his willingness to wield a blade bare-handed while using enough force he could very well render his hand useless. I think it's potentially also evident in how he has severe cataracts he chooses to ignore and allow to worsen, despite having the reasons and resources to undergo surgery to restore his vision. In doing so, he literally and figuratively blinds himself to so much.
I also kind of think the assassination of Hoshino/the anonymous call and The Eye Scene are examples of self-sabotage. I mean, he literally was sabotaging himself in the former, but it's also the specific way he feels the need to be physically taken down in order to be stopped--possibly a holdover from RGGJo, who's only too happy to be beaten into a coma.
I don't know… It's hard to pinpoint, but I feel like he would be averse to most of the more "obvious" self-destructive behaviors--especially when he has people in his life who might notice and worry, like Ikumi and Arakawa. That and because many of them are addictive. He's seen what that's done to his father, and he's also developed this incredibly rigid sense of discipline he can't maintain if he doesn't have a clear head.
From how he talks about himself [as having lost his humanity and lived a half-assed life], I definitely think he's at the very least unkind to himself, but I also think he does externalize it by provoking others to harm him [in the case of physical fights] and reject him. Like he needs some kind of proxy perpetrator. For some abuse victims, this specific manifestation of self-destructive behavior is a way to regain control--whether or not you "deserved it" back then, you do now, as a direct, logical result of your actions.
Need to be invisible, perfect, or perfectly bad
I think each of these needs manifests in different ways for Jo. The need to be invisible can be seen with authority figures (mainly Aoki, but also Arakawa in The Yubitsume Scene, a little; how drastically he pulls back and tries to act "normal")--this relates to what you were talking about with being reluctant to intrude or take up space. If you fall under the radar, maybe you won't get hurt.
The need to be perfect can be seen in his seemingly "impossible" standards, I would say. Of course, because we see things from Ichiban's perspective, we tend to see them as unfair and often arbitrary demands. But they aren't arbitrary to Jo, are they? They're standards he holds himself to through and through. If you're good, maybe you won't get hurt.
The need to be perfectly bad can be seen in and relates to much of what I discussed under self-destructiveness [The Eye Scene and the way he antagonizes Ichiban specifically by making himself out to be worse than he is]. If you must get hurt, it can at least "make sense"--be "deserved."
Suicidal thoughts, attempts, obsession (including "passive suicide")
Obviously he's not like… Mine Levels Of Overtly And Consistently Suicidal, and he doesn't attempt suicide himself, but at the same time, I have to note his total ambivalence towards Aoki seeing him as a "bullet" (a kind of hitman sent on suicide missions). He agreed to what he himself viewed as a suicide mission and he didn't care what would happen to him afterward, as he says to Joon-gi, Zhao, and Adachi.
Aside from that, I certainly feel he's at least had passive thoughts like wanting to disappear or wishing he'd never been born. Y'know. Nothing concrete, but reflective of his mental state, and just as detrimental to dwell on long-term.
I think there's a sort of childishness [for lack of a better word] to thoughts like these [in that they're impossible], but also a level of maturity in that it probably doesn't escalate to something more actionable because he understands he has responsibilities he can't abandon. I think if he was ever seriously suicidal, it would be at the points of his life where he really didn't have any responsibility to anyone, like between Ikumi leaving and him joining the family, or after he was arrested.
Depression (sometimes paralyzing) […]
I'm trying not to over explain going forward because I Have BEEN Overexplaining It Is SUCH A Disaster… he's depressed If You Have Eyes And/Or Ears… I'll leave it at that…
Anger issues; inability to recognize, own, or express anger; constant anger […]
Lol
Rigid control of one's thought process; humorlessness or extreme solemnity
Relates back to what I was saying about how disciplined he is [and expects everyone else to be], but in general, he's incredibly, incredibly serious and focused. I don't think he's /entirely/ humorless [but then again, very few people are]; I just think his specific sense of humor is. Like. What Is Your Problem [I Know What Your Problem Is I Have Been Discussing It In EXCRUCIATING Detail But What The Fuck Is Your Problem]
Trust issues; inability to trust (trust is not safe); total trust; trusting indiscriminately
That's why he was planning on taking his secret to the grave, isn't it? It was only when faced with the realization it would soon be too late to say anything that he was able to tell Ichiban. He could've trusted Arakawa, should've been able to, but… in his mind he never could.
This book [and this checklist] is about "incest" actually, but it redefines "incest" to mean any instance of CSA perpetrated by any individual the victim trusts or has an expectation of being able to implicitly trust. Which… is most CSA as we understand it today, so I've edited some parts to just say that.
Anyway, I've never given much thought to the specifics of what Jo might've experienced--who did it, what happened, how long it went on, etc.--so there's no conclusion I can draw here [and elsewhere, I'm sure]… but even without that, to grow up unable to trust the one person who should be in his corner, his father, and to have his trust betrayed by Ikumi, it's no surprise Jo ended up like this either way. So… I'm happy he had the courage to tell Ichi, in the end.
High risk taking ("daring the fates"); inability to take risks
I think these are supposed to be mutually exclusive, but to me, Hoshino's assassination and Arakawa's assassination represent both sides of the coin, although they're not the only examples. There are risks Jo won't think twice about taking and risks that paralyze him.
Boundary issues; control, power, territoriality issues; fear of losing control; obsessive/compulsive behaviors (attempts to control things that don't matter, just to control something)
Lol…
Guilt, shame; low self-esteem, feeling worthless; high appreciation of small favors by others
Lmao Even…
Feeling demand to "produce and be loved"; instinctively knowing and doing what the other person needs or wants; relationships mean big tradeoffs (love was taken, not given)
I actually think this encapsulates a lot of what I've been saying about his work ethic, his ideas of discipline, and his relationship with Ikumi, but I also think it's why Masato took a liking to him. His attentiveness. It ties back into wanting to be perfect; when you're abused--especially long-term--you become attuned to observing and responding to any shifts in mood or tone. This is another area where I can't draw any conclusions relevant to my point, but it does certainly relate to his father's abuse, at any rate.
Abandonment issues
Kind of contentious… The anticipation of being abandoned by or losing someone he cares about appears to be worse than the actual experience. He's fine with Ikumi leaving him, and he's… not Fine With, but able to come to terms with Arakawa's death and Aoki's abandonment of him. At the same time, he really does try to make Ikumi's stay in his life comfortable, and he spends almost forty years doing his damnedest to keep his family together, whatever the cost. If I were to extrapolate from RGGJo, though, /he/ does have an obsessive, unhealthy attachment to Arakawa.
Blocking out some period of early years (especially 1–12); or a specific person or place
Ikumiiiiii that's what I'm SAYINGGGG
Feeling of carrying an awful secret; urge to tell, fear of its being revealed; certainty no one will listen; being generally secretive […]
Rofl Perhaps…
Denial; […] repression of memories; pretending; minimizing ("it wasn't that bad") […]
He admits to it himself. Not much else to say. Though I don't think he necessarily minimizes what he's been through by dismissing how bad it was; rather, he tends to overestimate his ability to move past it.
Pattern of ambivalent or intensely conflictive relationships (intimacy is a problem; also focus shifted from [CSA] issues)
Also kind of contentious… we don't see a pattern of romantic relationships, as I assume the author meant here, but at the same time, the romantic relationship and non-romantic relationships we do see fit this pattern. I guess I'd say I definitely think intimacy /would/ be a problem, and he /wouldn't/ be ready to address his issues.
Limited tolerance for happiness; active withdrawal from happiness, reluctance to trust happiness ("ice=thin")
The quote that prompted this ask in the first place. It's sort of connected to the point about humorlessness and extreme solemnity; if that was the "what," this is the "why." He doesn't know how to relax ["holidays don't exist" and all], he doesn't have much to be happy about, but even rarer is the occasion where he doesn't feel too conflicted in the moment to be able to enjoy himself. That's just how I see him.
[…] verbal hypervigilance (careful monitoring of one's words); quiet-voiced, especially when needing to be heard
EXACTLY what I was talking about in this ask, so I'm leaving that one up to past me…
......
... That's It That's The Essay I'm going to hibernate until Infinite Wealth comes out and somehow refutes my points but UNTIL THEN. Farewell, take care, and once more, don't worry too much about matching my energy… Like I Said if I were the one receiving this ask I'd just delete my blog, so… I'll just be happy to know you read it :] If That lmao
ok i read it :) 👁️👁️ READMYTAGSTHERESMORETHEREIPROMISE
#long post#cw csa#doublin up to add cw warnins in the tags just in case <3 lemme know if i should throw more tags down here..... im bad at cw tags....#i forget my bookmark tag for asks from you i stg if i cant find this ask in the future im kmsing (in minecraft) immediately#snap chats#THE SNORT I MADE AT THE DEADPAN 'LOL'☠️ maybe i SHOULDVE put text In The Main Text i have A Lot of Thoughts..#im leavin the main text empty since. ngl i was just gonna compare/contrast to myself again... and say a lot of what weve said b4..#UNFORTUNATELY a lot of the things listed here uhmmmm Hm <3 Uh Oh <3 i do understand. Dare I Say personally. just a bit#I DO HAVE TO DISCLAIM ive never been a survivor of THOSE circumstances or really. any abuse tbh- brain just sucks and im a baby#and i cant say no BUT ANYWAY I HAVE REASONS FOR BEIN AN EGOTIST I SWEAR its cause I Somewhat had those exps/i understand them#i can REAAAALLLYY easily see where your points are coming from.... very easily even... like very in-depth..#even if i didnt cry bout spilled milk every other day it IS clear to see the signs of abuse in sawashiro once you know them#i've def talked bout those aspects of him whether in tag rambles or in streams or have Attempted to express it via fics#so really the bits to chew on for me esp this time round is the more CSA aspects#tbh when it comes to bein unable to see him intimate or 'underdressed' i agree: incredibly hard for me to imagine#the thing with 'symptoms' of abuse is that they kinda overlap i guess ??#in that regard it can either be a need to impress or protect himself/needing to be seen less#when it comes to doing certain things because of CSA i could see it as a result of another abuse too. if that makes sense#THOUGH THAT ISNT TO DISCREDIT THE IDEA nono cause there still exists the Now That I Think About It circumstances of masato#even if we look at it through Western Norms(TM) two- essentially homeless- kids having. A Kid is still bizarre#cause again teen pregnancies generally happen as a result of Bein Irresponsible With A Schoolmate- not that other situations cant exist#but thats the most common innit so. def an aspect to consider. All Things Considered. esp jo's self-separation from ikumi#BUT YEAH i feel like if i try to respond im just gonna end up typing up a textbook bout abuse since. UNFORTUNATELY#childhood psychology is my field of interest. and aint no one readin THAT phat thing. esp when ill prob repeat myself or you ☠️#tbh remindin meself of when i said id write psyche papers on mine and/or jo.... oops 👀💋👀 savin this to steal notes from LOL#i hope yo know i WAS thoroughly intrigued reading this. As Ive Said childhood psyche is Literally My Field and this is v thorough and good#so im always interested in readin bout How X Caused Y in Z... very interesting many MANY things to think about.. ty...#forever cursed to be an idiot cause i really wish i could talk better and say somethin of substance.. ik you said its fine but still..#im always open to chat bout this more if youd like PLEASE dont think my lack of Main Text is disinterest Im Just Stupid. But We Know That
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tj-crochets · 2 years ago
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Hey y’all! Weird question time, and this time it’s a POTS, sunshine, food, and hot temperatures related question:
So the other day, my mom brought milkshakes over and we all sat outside, distanced, to drink them and chat. It was a bright, sunny, very very windy day, but I think it was maybe high 70s at the hottest? Late afternoon, so probably not even that hot. I drank like half the milkshake, then suddenly was extremely nauseous and kinda dizzy. I went back in the house, asked my brother to please go grab a puke bucket, and took my blood pressure. My bp was in my normal range, but my heart rate after I’d already laid down on the floor (to cool down and so I would not fall down) was like 147? Which is very much not the norm for me since I’ve been on meds for the whole POTS/sodium georg thing. It didn’t last super long, I did not throw up, and I was able to go back outside with an ice pack on my neck and a bottle of cold water, but I think it’s the closest I’ve come to like historical-novel-type-swooning in my life (I say that mostly jokingly but also I suspect that’s what swooning feels like). My resting heart rate stayed around 110 after that.  The question: do any of you, especially people with POTS or heart issues, but people without too for comparison, have issues like that when drinking a frozen beverage outside when it is hot? Or when it is windy? Or do other people with flashing light issues* find they sometimes have issues with very bright direct sunlight going directly into their eyes? This is an experience I would very much like to avoid but there are too many variables *I have no diagnosis for my flashing lights issue yet. I don’t think it’s seizures? Sure is some intense vertigo and disorientation though
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twilightichor · 4 months ago
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𝐗𝐈𝐈. Considering the fact that the Fractsidus caused irreparable damage to Jué (more than it had already sustained back in the day) that made it impossible for it to slow down its demise in combination with the continuous assaults it had suffered from their end, all of this reflected on Jinhsi weeks prior to the void plenilune incident. Jué's rapidly declining health would manifest in Jinhsi via visible scales and an inexplicable exhaustion that would prevent her from performing daily duties the same way she used to before Jué's disappearance.
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hayatheauthor · 1 month ago
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10 Lethal Injuries to Add Pain to Your Writing
Prev: Non-Lethal Injury Ideas
Need some creative ways to give your characters a real fight for survival? Here are 10 ideas: 
1. Punctured Artery
A puncture to major arteries like the femoral artery (thigh), the carotid artery (neck), or radial artery (arm) can cause rapid blood loss. It starts off with a sharp pain, weakness, lightheadedness and eventually can lead to hypovolemic shock. Requires urgent medical attention.
2. Punctured Eye Socket
A punctured eye socket will cause blood vessel damage leading to internal bleeding. I would use this for non-combat characters trying to get away. The eyes are an easy weak spot + you don’t need much strength to cause a critical injury/puncture. Also good for a protag's tragic backstory.
3. Torn Achilles Tendon
A torn Achilles tendon can result in severe bleeding if nearby arteries or veins are damaged. Your character will be forced to hobble away as pain causes their foot to swell and bruise. Plus, you can easily adjust the pain levels per your scene, from swift cuts to explosive jumps. 
4. Neck Hyperextension (Hangman’s Fracture)
This injury will fracture the C2 vertebra and can lead to spinal cord damage, paralysis or sudden death. This isn’t a light injury your character can come back from, so I would suggest using it only when you’re aiming for death.
5. Pierced Lung
A punctured lung will lead to a pneumothorax where air escapes into the chest cavity, collapsing the lung. Characters with this injury may have difficulty breathing, chest pain, and a cough that produces frothy blood (all the dramatics you need). 
6. Severe Concussion
A severe concussion will lead to confusion, vomiting, immobility and memory loss. More dangerously, brain swelling, internal bleeding and damaged brain tissue. Plus, it has a long recovery period. 
7. Shattered Pelvis
If you need something severe that restricts mobility but also causes severe pain then this is perfect! Involves signs of shock, internal bleeding, numbness, swelling—really a lot of things. Can occur if OC falls from a high place, hit repeatedly, car accident, etc.  
8. Internal Bleeding from Blunt Force Trauma
I like using this when you need something subtle since it doesn't show immediate symptoms. Over time, they will feel weak, cold, nauseous, and intense pain. Perfect if you want that 'everyone made it out then suddenly someone collapses' moment. 
9. Intestinal Perforation
A sharp blow or penetrating wound can cause a tear in the intestines, leaking bacteria into the body cavity, then peritonitis. It can go from small stomach pain to near death pretty quickly. Without prompt medical care, sepsis can set in, causing organ failure and death.
10. Cut to the Jugular
If you need something more visibly dramatic then go with the classic cut to the jugular. A warm rush of blood will pour out, and blood would spurt with every heartbeat. Causes panic, choking, and internal bleeding too. All the blood and gore you need. 
This is a quick, brief list of ideas to provide writers inspiration. Since it is a shorter blog, I have not covered the injuries in detail. Remember the worse the injury the more likely your character is to die (so be realistic folks). Happy writing! :)
Looking For More Writing Tips And Tricks? 
Check out the rest of Quillology with Haya; a blog dedicated to writing and publishing tips for authors!
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artemis-pendragon · 3 months ago
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Okay so I'm not in the hurricane evacuation zone by any means but I do live in a horrendously natural disaster-prone region SO!! Here are the best tips I've gotten for surviving in a disaster zone.
1) Write your name and your emergency contact's phone number in DARK PERMANENT INK somewhere visible on your skin (wrist is good) so if you're unconscious or dead emergency response can ID you and get in contact with your family/friends
2) If you have any particular medical needs or conditions write that too!! Specific medications + doses, warning signs and symptoms to watch for, etc
3) During the disaster, if your circumstances change or may change soon, record a new voicemail message explaining these changes so anyone who calls you knows your most recent status and location. Whatever details you think might help!
4) Stock up on Rx meds before pharmacies close. Get some OTC meds too and make a watertight and portable first aid kit. If you're gonna be in flood conditions and your Rx bottles aren't fully sealed, wrap the lids with duct tape to make a tight seal. If you've got tampons and pads in the house, stuff those babies in there! Good for everything from periods, to bloody noses and open wounds in an emergency! Plus they're super absorbent and can be used to temporarily block up small spaces and cracks
5) If there's no bottled water left in stores buy the biggest and cheapest bottles of soda you can, dump them out, and fill them with fresh water. If you have sinks and bathtubs that aren't expected to flood, fill those bad boys up with fresh water, too. Store as much water as you can!!
6) Put all important documents such as Social Security cards, birth certificates, marriage certificates, or anything else you want to save into waterproof bags. Ziplock baggies double sealed with duct tape along the closed seams are great! Double bag if needed!
7) Special cool new thing I learned about hurricanes that I'm probably the last dumbass on earth to know but just in case I'm not: even if a hurricane makes landfall as a Cat 3, if it was a Cat 5 over the ocean on approach it will bring in Cat 5 surge. Downgrading the wind speed doesn't downgrade the flood potential
8) TAKE THE BACKROADS OUT OF MAJOR CITIES OH MY GOD PLS DONT GET STUCK ON THE FREEWAYS IT'S HELL
9) Last but not least, if you can't afford to evacuate or don't have a place to stay, some people under videos and posts tagged with current natural disasters are offering temporary places to crash for those in affected areas for free!! I've seen multiple cases now of people offering up their guest rooms or couches to evacuees and their pets in the last week that have worked out ❤️
If anyone else has more tips, and more experience with this type of disaster specifically, please add on!! Love you all and hope everyone stays safe 💕
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doberbutts · 1 year ago
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Curious about something you mentioned in your post last week, you said that in your opinion all drugs should be legal and I’m curious about how that would be a positive at all? Like I get weed bc it’s pretty harmless but when I think of drugs I think of cocaine and heroin, which have destroyed so many lives. If it was widely available wouldn’t that end up hurting more people than helping? That’s just my opinion but I’m curious on the other side
I do think all drugs should be legal. This is said knowing that addiction runs in my family and that the only reason my older sister is my *sister* is due to drug use and addiction. Otherwise she'd be my cousin.
Making drugs illegal does not stop people from getting high. It does not stop drug related crime. And it certainly does not stop drugs from tearing families apart.
Addiction is a symptom of a larger problem. Solve the problem and the addict problem goes away. Solve the addict problem and drugs stop ruining lives and destroying families and creating massive amounts of drug related violence. Places that have roled out decriminalization strategies effectively have seen an overall reduction in crime rates across the board, a reduction in recreational drug use, and a reduction in bloodborne illness like HIV. Creating safe needle exchanges as well as safe places to get high with medical staff onhand has also created a locale where very few people die from overdose.
Most people hear "decriminalize all drugs" and think I mean a free-for-all. I don't. I think the drug market should be regulated. I don't think you should be able to get ketamine or heroin over the counter at a walmart like you can get asprin. But I think it's time to stop putting people in jail for getting high.
My aunt tore her life and her family and her health apart for years while she was addicted to heroin. My sister, her daughter, needed to be removed from her care due to the amazingly bad choices she made as a mother due to her addiction and her prioritizing drugs over the health and safety of her daughter. My aunt has had multiple heart attacks from the damage the constant drug use did to her body.
My aunt is more than a decade sober and do you know why? It's not because she got a wakeup call when her daughter was taken away, because at the time she willingly and freely signed her over to my parents because that got her "out of [her] hair". It's not because she had a heart attack, because she went right back to it the moment she was out of the hospital. It's not even because she spent time in rehab and prison, because the moment she was out she was using again.
No, my aunt got sober because her life changed. She was put on a better pain management plan. She got out of her shitty marriage to her shitty husband. She completed some education to make her more hireable so she didn't have to rely on less than safe means of paying her bills. She reconnected with my sister and reforged their relationship once she was 18. She bought her own house. She found love with someone who didn't give a shit about her past and brought out the best in her.
My aunt was a deeply unhappy person. Heroin made life more tolerable for her. Until she couldn't tolerate life without it. Until she'd do anything, anything, to get her next high.
A lot of addicts are addicts because they are self-medicating for something else and their drug of choice has chemical properties that makes their brains crave it more. If you fix the "deeply unhappy" part, you create a healthier environment for that addict to take control over their life again. Without it, they are far more likely to continue to relapse.
Knowing this, why would I then want to add the threat of prison and jailtime- life-ruining things themselves- to an addict's list of concerns?
Look up rat park sometime. In the rat paradise, drugged water was freely offered, and occasional a rat here or there would take a hit or two, but rarely enough to even get high and almost never habitually. Addiction literally didn't exist even though the rats were taking addictive substances. But the rats in cages, seperated from each other, with no enrichment, crammed into small spaces and stressed to hell? Those rats took hit after hit after hit until they overdosed and died. The addict rats were deeply unhappy. The drugs were their only escape. The paradise rats had to be lured in with sweetened drugs to even consider and even then they rejected them. The caged rats did not need sweetner, even though the drugs made the water bitter.
If we can see such a stark difference in rats having their needs met vs rats experiencing isolation and stress, what would happen if we showed human addicts the same consideration?
I think a lot better results than continuing to jail deeply unhappy and desperate people for doing the only thing they can think of to cope.
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reiderwriter · 7 months ago
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In Case I'm Mistaken
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Chapter Five of I Can't Help Myself
Summary: Your first run-in with Spencer Reid since he left you so spectacularly is fraught with tension. Sexual and otherwise.
Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI pregnancy symptoms, morning sickness/ throwing up, fingering, rough sex, semi-public sex, penetrative sex, choking, slapping, creampie but she's pregnant already, mild case details, etc.
A/N: We're halfway through! I sincerely hope everyone enjoys how stupid and oblivious Spencer is being because I can't promise he'll wise up anytime soon lmao. If you're enjoying the series, let me know in the comments ♡
Masterlist || Add yourself to the tag list
When you left Spencer's apartment, you expected a call or a text or an email in the next three days. Penelope told you that's most likely when they'd wrap the case and when he'd be back at his apartment to see the stunt you had pulled. 
You tried to force yourself back to work in the meantime, and it almost worked. Until you had to spend three hours a day crouched over a toilet bowl, emptying your stomach lining again and again. You had spent almost a full month like that before you realised you hadn't heard from him. 
First, it was cases, then it was casework, and then it was cases again, but if probed, Spencer truly would have no idea you'd tried to get in contact with him at all. And it seemed he didn't care in the slightest.
He'd been home, but he hadn't been looking for anything out of place, so he hadn't seen anything out of place. Certainly not a bookshelf spelling out “CALL ME WHEN YOU GET THIS.” It was your choice to leave the cryptic message though, and you hadn't exactly left him any notes to say that you'd dropped by. 
But finding out you were pregnant on a night you'd half-expected to throttle the man who'd impregnated you (verbally) and then having cried on his couch with one of his very close female friends? Yeah, you were confused and lost, and it seemed like a good idea at the time. 
With emotions and hormones running high, you couldn't even tell if Spencer was purposefully ignoring you or not. 
The only saving grace in that month was your promotion. 
It literally could not have come at a better time, and you'd enjoyed signing the papers greatly knowing you'd be blindsiding your boss with a pregnancy announcement in the next three months, should you be able to carry the baby successfully to that point. 
You'd had your first check-up without a call from Spencer. You'd picked out your first baby outfit without a call from Spencer. You were pretty confident that you'd give birth to the goddamn baby without a call from Spencer. 
Which is why when you found him in your office a month later, you wanted to wrap your hands around his neck and slowly choke the life out of him. 
Between classes, you'd taken to running to the bathroom to hang your head in shame, not over morning sickness at all yet. You'd taken to keeping cereal bars and pregnancy safe snacks in your office in case you needed something else to help you power through the morning. 
That morning was worse than others, with less than half your students in attendance and still two hours to waste standing up in front of a podium - department rules. 
You'd thought you were going to expire in front of that toilet bowl, sending up your prayers as you checked your watch and realised you'd have a class again in an hour or two that you weren't fully prepped for. 
So you slinked back to your office and tried to throw yourself onto the sofa, but unfortunately for you, a large man was blocking your way. 
“Can I help you?” You eked out, voice weak but still able to convey all the annoyance you felt at the door. 
“Sorry, sorry, this is your…?" The man said, smiling down at you. You had to give it to him, the man was good looking but you just waited for him to stand aside again. 
“Do you mind?” You said, gesturing to the door you now knew the man was blocking. He wasn't letting you in for some reason, and you couldn't for the life of you figure out why. It was your goddamn office for christ's sake. Your snacks were inside. 
“Sorry, following orders.”
“Right, and whose orders would those be Mr…”
“SSA Luke Alvez,” he said, holding out his hand. “Nice to meet you.”
You'd have introduced yourself politely under any other circumstances but in reaching out his hand and giving his title, you'd seen the flash of his FBI badge on his hip and knew exactly who was behind this. 
“Son of a bitch,” you muttered, ducking under the man's arms and slamming the door to your office open to find Doctor Spencer Reid huddled over some files, two women flanking him on either side. 
“What the fuck are you doing here?” 
The two women looked taken aback, straightening immediately as they looked between you and Spencer. He was slow to take his eyes off whatever it was they were working on, as if playing with you once again. 
You really regretted keeping his desk around, seeing how comfortable he looked there, how normal it was for you to see him there.
“Doctor Y/N. Nice to see you again.” 
“Nice to-?” You scoffed and slammed the door once more. “Yeah. Okay.” 
One of the women quickly excused herself from the situation, almost as soon as she realised that once you'd finally locked eyes with Spencer, neither of you looked away. 
“I'm sorry to intrude, my name is Supervisory Special Agent Emily Prentiss, I'm the Unit Chief of the FBI's Behavioural Analysis Unit. We really wouldn't be here if it weren't an emergency.” 
You had to give it to the woman, but she caught on quickly and stepped between the two of you, breaking eye contact and forcing your attention onto her. You introduced yourself quickly. 
“Doctor Y/N Y/L/N. I trudt that if you're here, something bad has happened.” 
You noticed a flash of something as Emily shook your hand, hearing your name. It was subtle, and it was quick, but you saw her eyes flick to your stomach and then back up, and you froze. 
She knew. Penelope hadn't exactly broken your trust - you never told her to keep a secret from anyone but Spencer - but you felt your guard go back up twofold. 
“Emily, can I talk privately with Y/N for a moment?” Spencer asked, and you resisted the urge to cradle yourself, to cover whatever it was she may have seen in your appearance or the way you held yourself that became your tell. 
You wanted to tell Spencer you were pregnant, sure, but you'd wanted to tell him a month ago. Now? Now you were pissed off. 
The older woman quietly bowed out, reminding Spencer to reconvene with her in another hour. She shut the door quietly after she went, and you listened carefully to the retreating murmurs of her and the other agent down the hall until you were confident you were more or less alone. 
And then you picked up the nearest book and threw it. 
“Y/N! Listen, I can explain-” 
You threw another book, and this one hit his arm. He winced and rubbed it quickly as he flinched away from you, picking up your third weapon. 
“Explain what? Explain why you've commandeered my office for secret FBI business? Explain why you left me behind like a discarded cum rag after we had sex? Maybe you-” 
“Y/N, I had a case, I didn't want to-” You threw another book, but he batted it away this time. 
“Can we just talk like adults, please?” He stepped forward and grabbed your wrist just as you reloaded with another book, forcing the tome from your grip in a few seconds. 
“The Norton Anthology? Really? You'd bludgeon me to death with that thing.”
“It has some interesting essays on psychoanalysis and literary theory. You should be honoured that I'd even think of throwing it at you.” 
He just scowled and sat you down on the couch, following you there to sit next to you. 
“Why are you still so frustrated? I thought we moved past this- this resentment?” 
For the last few weeks, you'd hoped that Spencer was just clueless about what you were going through. That he'd been swamped with work and hadn't seen your message. But getting the confirmation in real time was winding. 
The air was knocked from your lungs, and you had to fight to fill them again, refusing to let yourself be so downright pathetic.
“What resentment did we move past exactly, Spencer? Because I remember the sex, but I do not remember your apology.”
“Why should I apologise?” The sincerity in his voice had your fingers itching to knock his lights off for him.
“Well, gee, for a starter, maybe for finding my address online and showing up to my house uninvited and unannounced.” 
“I did announce it. You just blocked my number and email.” 
You scoffed and threw yourself back in your chair. 
“Number, yes. Email? No. You sent it from an unauthorised network email. All your emails sat in my spam folder until last month.” 
He furrowed his brows at the news, but you just crossed your arms and waited for whatever he'd say next to get out of taking responsibility. 
“I'm sorry.” 
To say you weren't expecting that was an understatement. You felt so uncomfortable with the words you fidgeted in your seat, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. 
“Yes, well…” 
Standing, you moved to your desk and grabbed the snacks you'd come here to find, slamming your desk draw shut and keeping the desk between you, sitting in your chair. 
“We're working a case.” 
“I can tell.” 
He leant over the desk and grabbed one of your snacks, opening a cereal bar quickly and taking a bite. 
“Three of the students in our faculty have gone missing in the last 30 days.” 
You nodded as you listened, but your eyes were on your snack, in his hand, in his mouth. The bastard. 
“I need to use the office for a few days. I won't disturb you, but we need some space as a base on campus, and this is our best option.”
“Not afraid I'll walk away with critical documents this time?” 
“This time, I have everything memorised. I've read all the documents. You can't ruin the case this time.”
You stood and grabbed your snack from his hand as he lifted it to take another bite, throwing it straight into the trash can. 
“What was that for?”
“For being a jerk.”
You stomped over to your bag and pulled out your headphones, putting them on as he attempted to keep talking to you. 
“Y/N, you're being immature-” 
“You just stole my snack like it's playtime at recess, Spencer. I'm not the immature one.” 
You turned the music on as he attempted to talk to you, but you didn't budge or take them off, returning to the couch to lay comfortably once more. 
Something about the infuriating, beautiful man had you wanting to act out, reaching new levels of immaturity. 
You felt the dip in the couch as he joined you there, felt him waving in front of your face. You smiled at his growing frustration as you heard him raise his voice just slightly. 
Then, your legs were pulled out from under you, and you squeaked in shock as Spencer Reid pulled you into his lap, making you straddle him. Your eyes blew open, and you grabbed at his shirt for balance, leaving you open to his attacks as he knocked the headphones off your head. 
“You're such a…a..” 
“Jackass? Okay, sure, but I'm a jackass you're going to listen to.”
“Make me.” 
The words were a dare, a challenge you didn't think he'd rise to. But his hands snaked around your neck, and he pulled your lips down to him, silencing you completely with another angry kiss.
Your lips parted immediately, all too happy to take in his wondering tongue as you battled for dominance. His hands trailed up and down your body, cupping your ass cheeks, squeezing your already sensitive breasts, pushing your skirt up so his hands could roam underneath. 
You squirmed in his lap, memories of the last night you'd seen him rushing back. His tongue, his hands, fuck, his cock. Pregnancy hormones or just plain old lust, you wanted it all over again, and you didn't stop to think about it for a second. Any second he was kissing you was a second he wasn't talking. 
You ground your hips into his as he worked a finger into your underwear, scraping against your clit as he pulled his head away, burying it in your neck as he began nipping and licking your skin, on a mission to taste every inch of you. 
“Spencer,” You gasped as he began rubbing your clit faster, your body providing all the juices he needed to make you feel good. 
“Spencer, we should- fuck!” It'd been only minutes, but he'd already pushed you over the edge, and you died your first little death cumming on his fingers. 
“We should fuck? Yes, yeah I can get behind that,” he said, laying you down again and slowly pulling down your damp underwear. 
“That's not what I was going to say, you bastard,” you said, grabbing his tie and pulling him in for another kiss. 
“I know, but this is much better, don't you think?” He pulled away and fumbled with his pants, pulling them down only far enough to free his cock before sliding into you. He sheathed Himself inside you, pushing inch by inch until he was at your limit, and then he stopped. 
He kissed your lips, your cheeks, your neck and collarbones, he took his time with each spot, making a line down your body, a record of every place he had possessed you without moving an inch. 
“Spencer, you can't- need to-” you whined, not minding sounding like a petulant child about to throw a tantrum when he was giving you a pretty great reason to do so. 
He had eaten your snacks and now he was just keeping his cock warm inside of you, not even bothering to rub your clit anymore, his hands more focused on keeping his weight up. 
“I need to do what, Y/N? Tell me, but be quiet about it. This office isn't soundproof, remember.” 
 “Shit, shit, shit, shit-” 
You tried to roll your hips under him, to take the pleasure you needed, but he stopped you, letting his hips press deeper into yours, making himself heavy. You tried another tactic. 
“Oh, come on Spencer, you can't even fuck me properly now? Pathetic.’
“Watch it-” he said, but you cut him off again.
“Watch what? You're not doing anything. Maybe I'll ask that little friend of yours outside for some help instead, I'm sure Agent Alvez would be more than happy to-” 
A short, soft slap to your face cut your words off as he spoke, the hand that hit you immediately pushing down to your neck and squeezing lightly. 
“You're. Mine,” he spat, and started immediately rolling his hips into you quickly. 
You wrapped your legs up and around him, your hands lifting to grab his wrist, keeping his hand in place around your throat.
He fucked you harder and your breaths became shallow, eyes locked with his as he panted and writhed above you. He didn't look away. You couldn't. You were drunk on his cock, completely unable to sober up and just waiting for your orgasm to strike you once again. 
You weren't two civilised people in that room, but animals, forcing one another to submit, to give in to temptation. 
His hand on your throat came loose as he came, chest falling down to yours as he flooded your insides with cum once again. To give him credit where credit was due, he kept his cock inside of you and rubbed your clit again to completion, swallowing your every moan and whimper with a kiss, enjoying the feeling of you convulsing on his cock. 
When you were both finally done, he let himself rest on top of you, burying his head in your neck and inhaling your scent as you both dropped back down into reality. 
“Get up,” you said first, pushing him up and watching him peel out of you as you reached back to the coffee table for the box of tissues there. 
“We need to clean up,” You said attempting to tidy the cum leaking out of you away, as if it were merely a spilt drink. 
He sat up, giving his cock a wipe down before putting his clothes back together. You both sat side by side, minding your own business, making yourselves look as inconspicuous as possible and ignoring the elephant in the room. 
He broke the silence first. 
“The girls, they're all our students. The only thing they share is that they all took both of our courses.” 
Your heart dropped as you remembered he wasn't here for you, that he had other jobs and responsibilities. You were merely a pleasurable afterthought. 
“Shit,” you sighed, running a hand through your hair. You stretched out and stood, sore but still able to make your body work for you. 
“You're sure there's nothing else? No clubs, no extra curricular?” His jaw tightened as he ground his teeth together, unsure about how much to tell you. 
“They fit a basic profile which tells us the unsub is killing people as a scapegoat and…hasn't got to his intended target yet.” 
You nodded as you took in the information, standing and leading yourself back to your desk and grabbing your bag again. 
“Look, just… just use the room until you get your guy. I'll work from the library or a study room or something, just…” You ran another hand through your hair, exasperated. 
“Y/N, no, we don't need to out you out, we shared the office space before, we can-” 
“We can't. Five minutes alone in this room together today proved… that we can't. Don't get distracted.” 
You grabbed more books, turning away from him to avoid the guilty looks he was shooting you. 
You'd almost collected everything, hesitating as you grabbed your pregnancy vitamins from your draw, stuffing them quickly into your bag before moving closer to the door. 
It opened before you could open it, and Emily Prentiss made herself known again. 
“Good, you're already packed,” she said, grabbing your bag from your shoulder and slinging it over her own. 
“I didn't know you all wanted rid of me so badly,” you said, trying to keep your voice as even and pleasant as possible and greatly failing. 
“We don't want to get rid of you. Y/N, I'm afraid it's quite the opposite.” 
Your heart slowed to a stop, and your blood ran cold as she offered you a sympathetic glance. You must've stumbled a bit backwards because Spencer's hand was immediately on your lower back, his body curved protectively around you as you too wrapped your arms around yourself, around your baby. 
“We've had contact with the killer, and we think you're his intended target,” Emily explained in as even a tone as you'd ever heard someone give a death sentence. 
“We've contacted WitSec, but until then, we'll be taking you into protective custody ourselves. I have a spare room, and we'll grab some of your things before you move in, everything you need to feel comfortable. Do you understand?” 
“No,” you said, but it wasn't your voice. You felt grateful, though, because you didn't understand. There was someone trying to kill you, and you absolutely didn't understand. You'd just had sex with Spencer Reid again, and you hadn't told him you were pregnant with his child, and nothing made 6 there was someone trying to kill you. 
But it wasn't your voice saying no, so you stopped thinking and kistened. 
“No, she'll… she'll stay with me,” Spencer said, gripping you tighter and pulling you closer, nearly crushing you in his arms. 
“Spencer, it's not up to you,” Emily said, her voice a clear warning even to your buzzing ears. 
“Y/N? Y/N, listen to me, please,” he said, gripping your shoulders again and twisting you around so he was all you could see, ducking his head lower so you were directly in his eyeline. 
“Y/N, I'll keep you safe. Come and stay with me.” 
You thought about his apartment and the message you'd left. You thought about the month you spent waiting for him to call, and the month that you'd spent wanting to rip his throat out. You thought about his hands on your skin, his fingers wrapped around your throat, his cock buried inside of you. You thought, too, about the doctors appointments you'd have to reschedule. You thought about the baby clothes you'd have to leave behind. You thought about how you'd have to hide your morning sickness, and your growing baby bump, and your hormones, and all the supplements recommended by your Doctor because you already loved your baby and you wanted them to be healthy. 
You thought that if you went with him, you'd have to tell him and confront whatever decision he made regarding you and the baby.
You thought logically that you shouldn't do it. But his hand grabbed yours, fingers intertwined, and he rubbed his thumb along the back of your hand, and you were nodding. 
“Yes,” you said when you should've gone with Emily. 
He pressed a quick kiss to your forehead and immediately bundled you out of the office and out of your comfort zone. 
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heli-writes · 4 months ago
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A dragon's heart, part 14.
Pairing: Barbarian!Bakugou Katsuki x female!reader
Summary: The dragonblood tribe is known for being cruel, barbarian warriors that slaughter, loot and rape all places they pass through. They are feared among the villagers and even bigger cities. Having lost most of their women to a plague, they're trying to ensure their tribe's survival by kidnapping women from other places. However, they're not the only monsters in human form out there. When y/n experiences this first hand, she has no choice but to ask for help from no other but the barbarian leader Katsuki Bakugou himself.
Disclaimer: mentions of injuries, mentions of rape and abuse, marking, trauma symptoms, trust issues
[Please don't read if you are sensible to or triggered by the topics mentioned above.]
Note: Y'all I'm back from the beach all crispy and tanned. Finally found some time and inspiration to continue this.
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14
Series Masterlist
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The first day, y/n didn't leave the tent because of spite (and the immense pain that radiated off the wound in pulsating waves). The second day, she didn't leave the bed cause she felt as if she'd faint if she tried to get up. By the third day, y/n developed a fever that made it impossible for her to move at all.
Katsuki watches over her with a worried gaze. He's in and out of their shared tent trying to balance his business and his mate. He orders the healers to have a close look at her. When the head healer comes to speak with him while he’s fulfilling his duty, he knows that something is wrong.
“The infection spread. She’s having a high fever. I’ve already sent some of our men to look for fresh herbs to make a fever-reducing medicine, but that can only help so much. We will be giving her cool calf compresses throughout the night. You might want to stay with her tonight.”, the healer explains.
Katsuki feels as if his heart stopped for a millisecond. He only gives the healer a short nod. It might seem cold and emotionless towards others, but the truth is that Katsuki doesn’t trust his voice.
After that, he adjourns the meeting with his men and returns to y/n’s bedside. Some healers are busily swirling around the small tent, soaking cloths in cold water and pulling them around y/n’s legs. 
Katsuki delicately holds y/n’s hand as if her hand would turn to dust like a dried flower when you crunch it too hard. He stares at her chest which heavily goes up and down. Despite her obvious troubled breathing, y/n barely lets out a sound. He’d take her yelling at him over this eery silence any day.
“Bakugou.”, a voice rips him out of his thoughts. Kirishima stands at the entrance of the tent. When Katsuki gives him a sign, Kirishima carefully enters his leader’s private quarter.
“How is she?”, Kirishima asks carefully standing behind him. Katsuki doesn’t turn around to meet his eye. 
“The fever’s bad but the healers are working on it.”, he tells him.
Kirishima stays silent. Katsuki does not need to explain y/n’s condition further. Fevers are tricky things. They come in slowly and when they hit, they’re hard to get under control. Katsuki’s own father perished due to the same infection that took out most of his tribe’s women. He understands better than anyone just how quickly a simple infection can take someone’s life.
“She will pull through.”, Kirishima encourages him. Katsuki’s lips form a firm line. When Katsuki doesn’t answer, he adds: “That one is a strong one. She’s a fighter”.
“So was my father. So were many of our women.”, Katsuki tells him.
“This is not the same, you know that. They were sick and y/n has only an infected wound.”, Kirishima points out.
“And how many warriors have we lost because of that?”, Katsuki presses. Kirishima stays silent. He wishes his leader would be less of a realist sometimes. It’d be easier to cheer him up in dark moments.
The entrance of the tent is moved once again and Mitsuki enters. She gives the healers and Kirishima a sign to leave her alone with her son.
“Have you come to gloat, mother?”, Katsuki bites venomously. Mitsuki gives him a long, unidentifiable look.
“I do not wish this upon you or… her.”, Mitsuki says. Katsuki doesn’t look at his mother either. Instead, he observes how y/n’s eyelashes cast a slim shadow onto her undereyes.
Mitsuki sighs deeply and sits down next to him.
“Son… I know how you feel. Remember, I’ve lost your father the same way.”, she reminds him. When Katsuki doesn’t answer her, she continues.
“Maybe it was inevitable. We’ve lost other women before her. These women you bring in are not suited for life in the mountains. They’re often too weak to survive the harsh winters out here. It’s not their fault their bodies are weak. They do not carry the same hot blood as we do. The blood that also makes our wounds heal faster.”, Mitsuki tells him.
“Others survived the mating. So will she.”, Katsuki says determinedly. It’s something he’s not sure of, something he didn’t even believe only seconds ago when Kirishima pointed out the same thing. Maybe he's just saying it to defy his mother. He’s aware of how fragile y/n is compared to women of his tribe. It’s why he fears the worst.
Mitsuki looks at her son for a long time before putting a hand on his shoulder.
“Son, I know this is not what you wished for, but maybe it’s for the best.”, she tells him. Harshly Katsuki yanks his shoulder back and shoves her hand away.
“That my mate dies days after she became mine? How is that for the best?”, Katsuki whisper-yells. The healers must still be outside the tent.
Mitsuki pulls back her arm. “She’s not suited for this life, to be a strong leader by your side. It’s best that it happens so early before you’re too attached to her.”, Mitsuki says compassionately and it just makes Katsuki just more angry.
“If she dies, I will not take another mate. As it is custom.”, Katsuki harshly points out.
“In our situation, no one would question you breaking traditions.”, Mitsuki replies.
“I don’t care.”, Katsuki barks and grips y/n’s hand tighter. There’s no one else for him besides her. He made his choice, he knew the implications.
Mitsuki sighs and gets up. “We’ll see.”, she only says calmly and turns around to exit the tent leaving Katsuki alone sitting at y/n’s side.
~*~*~*~
Everything lies in a hazy fog. Y/n is sure she can make out Katsuki's face in her distorted vision. Something hot runs through her stomach. Is it anger? She can't remember what she should be angry about. Then maybe, she's wrong. Her vision fades and Katsuki's face becomes blurred. Maybe it was never Katsuki to begin with?
„Brother!“, y/n calls out through the mist.
Is he here? Has he come to take her home? Back to mother and father and their little wagon in the woods?
Soft voices reach her ears. The strum of a guitar is somewhere far away alongside a soft voice. A familiar melody comes forward in her consciousness. Her tongue feels heavy as she tries to sing alongside her mother's lullaby.
Someone strokes over her hot, wet forehead.
„It's alright little one. Rest now.“, her father's voice says close to her ear. Relief floods her anxious thoughts and y/n relaxes. I'm safe, y/n thinks.
„Don't worry, my love.“, her mother says from her other side, „It's just a cold. You've played too long in the snow with your brother.“
Right, of course. Y/n remembers. It snowed in the night and y/b/n and her snuck out of the tent before their parents woke up. They built a snowman and made snow angels. When her mother saw the two of them barefoot in the snow, she shooed them back inside and made them sit by the fire with a blanket and a hot cup of tea. Y/n fell asleep on her brother's shoulder.
Y/n leans into the hand that strokes her forehead.
„Brother, stay with me.“, she begs but she isn't sure if she only says it in her head. Dirty blonde hair shuffles through her hazy vision. Someone holds her hand. Y/n lets out a shaky breath.
It's alright. Y/b/n is here. You're safe., she thinks as she fades into a dream of snow-capped forests, frozen lakes and her brother's laugh in the distance.
~*~*~*~
Kirishima watches his leader with worried eyes. Y/n has been drifting in and out of consciousness all night. The moments that she's been awake a dull haze covered her eyes. She's been trying to speak but the words hardly leave her throat.
The hazier her gaze gets, the glossier Katsuki's gaze becomes.
Kirishima places a hand on his friend's shoulders. There's not much they can do right now. The healers are still changing the calf compresses every ten minutes or so, trying to cool down her body as much as possible. Behind Katsuki's back, the head healer told him that y/n either makes it through the night and will live or not. Kirishima didn't have the heart to tell his friend, but he's sure Katsuki knows without anybody telling him.
Y/n lets out a shaky breath and tears shimmer in her eyes. She calls out a name. She's been repeating the name for some time now. Katsuki just holds her hand a bit tighter.
„I think it's her brother.“, Kirishima tries to calm his friend, „I don't know much of her language but I think she's been saying the word for brother earlier“.
„I didn't even know she had a brother“, Katsuki says quietly.
„Maybe he isn't with her anymore. When the veil between the living and the dead is thin for a person, they often call out to those that went before them.“, Kirishima offers and almost instantly regrets bringing up death in front of his friend.
„Or maybe I ripped her away from him and now she has to die alone surrounded by strangers.“, Katsuki flatly points out.
For a moment, Kirishima doesn't know what to say. Of course, that's a possibility too. But until now that has never mattered when they took women. The survival of their tribe always came first for Katsuki. He didn't think much about the women's families. Kirishima was never sure whether Katsuki was so cold that he didn't care or if Katsuki didn't allow himself to care about it because it was expected from the leader of the tribe.
„Promise her to find him.“, Kirishima says without thinking. Katsuki turns his head back to him.
„What?“, he asks and Kirishima only nods. He doesn't offer his leader an explanation. Katsuki turns his head back to y/n and stares at her struggling form for a while before ordering Kirishima to leave them. Wordlessly, Kirishima leaves the tent.
Katsuki takes a long look at y/n before taking her hunting knife that she always keeps close. Carefully, he cuts a fine line into the inside of his hand. He watches the blood pushing through the cut. He takes a long look at y/n's face before pressing his bloody hand to her heart.
„If you survive tonight, I, Katsuki Bakugou, son of Masaru and Mitsuki Bakugou, promise to find y/b/n and to let you go with him if you so please.“
~*~*~*~
There's the faint sound of metal hitting against each other and men clamoring in the distance but the tent lies in absolute silence. Y/n struggles to regain her vision for a couple of moments. She's feeling groggy and terrible. For a split second, she believes she's in her parent's tent.
Then, she remembers where she is. This is Katsuki's tent. Her head throbs from the lack of water. Her hand flies to her forehead and she puts it over her eyes in an attempt to milder the hammering feeling in her head.
She's been sick. She remembers waking up multiple times. She remembers waking up to unknown men pouring a thick, bitter fluid down her throat and a cool piece of cloth placed onto her head. She remembers waking up to Katsuki leaning over her watching her with furrowed, worried eyes. She remembers her brother's face in her periphery. Y/n wonders how much time has passed since Katsuki cleaned her wound. And for a very short moment, she wonders if her brother actually found her.
Quickly, she discards the idea. It was probably a fever dream. Something her imagination came up with in an attempt to calm her struggling body and mind. Y/n feels hot tears burning behind her eyes at the thought making her head feel worse.
Her hand flies to her throat where the wound is still wrapped in a tight bandage. She realizes that her head feels worse than the wound. Actually, she barely feels the wound at all. She wonders if it healed or if everything else just feels worse.
Groaning, y/n tries to sit up. I need water, she thinks. When she moves, there's a twitch of a body at her side. Only then she notices Katsuki who lies next to her face down. He's clutching her other hand. Katsuki groans and turns over letting go of her hand. Quickly, y/n pulls it away from him.
Katsuki stretches and turns his head to her.
When he notices that y/n is awake, he jerks up. His head spins for a moment from getting up too quickly. Immediately he sits up and pulls y/n close. He hides his face in her hair. Y/n let it happen and suddenly her heart feels heavy with grief. Grief, that her brother isn't here, that she's still stuck here, and that Katsuki hurt her when she was ready to trust him all the way.
It's impossible to hold back tears anymore and they stream down her cheeks and onto Katsuki's arm as he holds her. She wants to push him away but at the same time, she longs for the warmth and comfort Katsuki offers her right now. She wants to be held, wants him to pet her hair and tell her everything will be alright. And most importantly, she wants to believe him.
When y/n looks up, Katsuki is watching her with sorrowful eyes. Carefully, he wipes some tears away and his gaze falls onto the bandage on her throat. Softly, he traces the wound beneath the bandage and then carefully leans closer. Y/n's breath hitches a bit but she's too weak to pull back. Softly, Katsuki presses a kiss onto the bandage right where he hurt her not too long ago.
Katsuki's hair tickes her chin and y/n stares at the wall of the tent behind him. Katsuki's hand softly traces patterns onto her arm as he continues to hide his face at her throat. He's so soft right now that y/n wonders what possessed him to hurt her in the first place.
When Katsuki notices that y/n doesn't struggle against him, he pulls back and looks at her. Y/n holds his gaze. There's no fire or anger behind her eyes. Just exhaustion. Slowly, he leans forward, presses a kiss to her forehead and pulls her close. Y/n can't help but lean into his touch. She's been feeling so alone. How can she refuse Katsuki's touch right now? She's too worn out physically and emotionally to fight him or the burning want in her stomach to be comforted by him.
Katsuki puts his hand into her hair and pulls his face closer to his. Y/n continues to hold his gaze. She can see worry, sadness and regret shimmering behind them. Maybe also something like relief. His nose grazes hers and she can feel his breath on her lips.
Katsuki is desperate to kiss her right now but he doesn't move forward. He's not sure if he's still allowed to touch her like that.
Y/n wants to be angry with him like she was before the fever took hold of her. She wants to yell and scream at him. At the same time, she wishes for nothing more than for him to close the gap between them and kiss her. But she's too exhausted to do anything other than lay still in his arms.
She wonders if she’s going mad. If she’s suffering some mental illness that makes her love a man who hurt her, wonders if maybe she’s always been mad like this which led to all her bad decisions. Or if the death of her parents and the loss of her people made her mad like that.
Y/n is ripped out of her thoughts when Katsuki’s lips softly graze hers. It's that moment that she decides that she doesn’t care and that it doesn’t matter.
I dug my own grave, now I have to lay in it.
Before Katsuki can realize what is happening, she closes the gap between them and kisses Katsuki deeply.
For a moment, Katsuki is frozen. He struggles to understand y/n's ever-changing emotions and actions. Only a couple of days ago she looked at him as if she wanted to murder him. He decides that he doesn't care and that it doesn't matter. Not after almost losing her.
He pulls her closer so that her entire body is pressed against him. He reciprocates the kiss and kisses her as deeply as he can. He tries to pour all the words that she doesn't understand into this one kiss.
They kiss until they can't breathe anymore and they need to pull apart. Katsuki softly pushes a greasy strand of hair out of her face, but it's stuck to her sweaty forehead. He offers her a small smile because he's not sure if this means she has forgiven him.
When y/n sighs and leans against his forehead, relief finally floods through his body.
My mate didn't reject me.
He pulls her into his arms and engulfs her with his much larger frame. Y/n leans into him and Katsuki pulls the blanket over them. They can stay here for a little while longer. At least until one of the healers comes in with another portion of this god-awful syrup.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Tag list: @graviewaviee @cosmicbreathe @tsukikoxo @nnubee @witchbishsblog @elajede @bsallergy @frxcless @berryvioo @eyesforbkg @shamelesjaroflaffytaffy @pastelbaby1111 @iamlizardgod @plvt0fvtvre @hello-peanutdoodle-blog @kookiemyfeelsposts @sweetblueworm @54fangirl @sakurarr1122 @rv19 @leeliyah @king-dynamight @confused-smol-fan @xmaudx @waterstarz @pinkwhiskerglitter @adeline96 @zoom1374 @fingui @giuli-in-earth @colouringfrogssittinginleaves @futuristicallykawaiiturtle @tragedyofabrokensoul @dynakats @rebel-loves-anime @cloudxluv @itsssyagurll @sunshineandwitchery @cloudxluv @hollykanuki @atouchofmidnight @nutellaenjoyer @musicbecky @miacitocco @cassouandco @penguinlovestowrite @sleepykittycx @bakugouswh0r3 @xxjesshuxx @helenamaximoff @ssssssws-world @k1tk4tkatsuki @gh0stgirl333 @anon-mouse223 @bexxs @i-am-ms-rebel-heart @wannabeisekai @spragaraga @faemagic88 @kolakoke @faetoraa @cax-per @willy-the-witch @stardream14 @jiyuu-da @mintytalesblog @sparklyoperaroadpie @musicbecky @maria-patricia @mistermemister @katsukismrs @l0kisbitch @bakukiriswife @rebel-loves-anime @drink-water-456
[Please comment beneath the last update if you'd like to be tagged in future chapters]
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lineli225 · 9 months ago
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Tomura Shigaraki 's abuse and neglect under All for One
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I've decided to make this post due to the fact AFO's abuse towards Tomura is often ignored and even denied, so I'll be bringing a collection of scenes that prove he was being severally neglected during the 15 years he lived with AFO
1- Malnourishment and Underweight
At the beginning of the story Tomura used to be very skinny, his spine visible, very accentuated collar bones.
We can't see if his ribcages are exposed too since he's always dressed, but we can tell he is abnormally skinny and thin.
Some theorize AFO's purposefully keeps him in this state so he's more weak and frail similar to Yoichi. Or so it adds to his tiredness and numbness.
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He's also been shown randomly struggling before (it could've been the aftershock of Stain attack, i don't know)
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2- Lack of hygiene
He literally lives in pure filth, trash bags, old soda cans, paper, boxes, packages of food that seems ordered other than homemade, it lingers all over his floor, he is clearly a hoarder
It's completely different of the kept and clean bar, and now before you say "That's Tomura's responsibility, he's an adult he should clean it himself!" just think for a minute, if you had a son, that you see as your heir, and bets on their future so much,If you truly cared about them and saw they felt into a hoarder mindset, wouldn't you at least help?
Why not even Kurogiri cleans if Tomura was being cared by him? This clearly is intentional neglect, specially to keep his mood constantly down.
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3 - His teeth
Tomura canonically has crooked teeth (compare his teeth to the other's in the jump festa art), cavities or at least what looks like plaques or dirt all over his teeth.
For someone raised by someone as filthy rich as AFO, he should've had access to dental care
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4- Shaggy hair
His hair looks un-brushed, shaggy and dirty, which had no reason for before MVA when he became homeless, so why even at the start? How long has he taken a bath or a shower?
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Look at the blatant difference in this scene after he showered at the PLF mansion
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5- Unkept, ragged and broken nails
despite his hands also being very skinny, his nails are also all rough and broken Now, I know Tomura isn't a kid to have someone cut his nails for him, but this implies he was never teached how to take care for himself.
Besides of course his clear symptoms of depression and suicidal idealism, which, are very obvious, All for One IS neglecting Tomura by keeping him in that state /knowing/ he isn't being capable of taking care of himself.
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6- His bedroom
First of all: No windows
Second, notice how empty it used to be, he had nothing but a bed and a desk, but right as he committed his first murder he started to receive toys, AFO is lovebombing and manipulating him to kill more
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7- The obvious neglect to his pain
Notice how every time Tomura panics or is even wounded, he is just ignored and left on the floor bleeding out, puking or writhing.
Which uh- it isn't normal to watch your kid writhe in the floor while smiling and monologuing
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8- 24/7 Surveillance and lack of privacy
There are cameras everywhere, AFO spends most of the time watching Tomura, even in his own bedroom, and even talks to him, Tomura probably hasn't had any privacy ever since he was 5
Which is a sign of abuse and control
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His entire childhood from 5 to 20 is often relatable for people who grew in cult like environments, and homeschooled children who grew under controlling parents, despite the abuse not being as "obvious" since AFO never directly physically hurt him, the neglect and psychological torture is still there, that and more all the manipulation, gaslighting and grooming (think of Mother Gothel from Tangled as an example of this type of abuser)
By the way, talking about it
9- Gaslighting
"but wasn't /you/ who desired my power?"
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The entire body possession plot is a clear evidence AFO never saw Tomura as anything other than a toy to play with, the same way he saw Yoichi, but so many people say the possession was a retcon because "early afo cleared saw him as his heir, he even said it's all for him!"
Well, argue with the literal "he's the next me", while he is.... weirdly caressing the screen while he watches his kid with no privacy- 100% creep behavior
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10- AFO's bizzare behavior towards Tomura
The way All for One's hands are often shown caressing him or encasing him somehow, which yeah, it's part of the symbology of Tomura's character (hands that can both hurt and save)
But knowing AFO represents /hurt/ and, you know, i'ts kinda weird to caress the kid you kidnaped off the streets like that-
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Cuz yes! Picking kids from the street even if they are orphan is illegal!! You should take them to a police station instead :D
Tomura was KIDNAPED by AFO, not saved.
11- Proof Tomura doesn't /feel/ saved
During his fight against Bakugou, when he sees him being helped, besides being "broken" he starts to spiral on "why no one saved me even before i was broken?"
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The visual including the granny that ignored him on the streets
AFO broke him.
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He recurrently thinks back to when he was on the streets, even though he was already traumatized, and had already killed his family, he still had /hope/ he ADMITS he believes he could've been different if it wasn't for AFO
If AFO had truly saved him,he wouldn't think like this
12- AFO gifting Tomura the corpses of his family to intentionally keep him nauseated, uncomfortable and traumatized, so he never heals
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Besides their weird placements- On a kid. the gangster's hands being in his chest...
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13-AFO's intentional desire for Tomura's discomfort
If this entire thread didn't make it obvious already, All for One benefits of Tomura's tiredness, ill feelings, nausea, depression and suicidal mindset, and over all physical and psychological discomfort
This ensures he's submissive to his manipulations and orders, keep him feeling hatred and anger due to constant overwhelming feelings and makes it harder for him to think of why AFO does all of it at all.
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I could go even deeper than this about it, but i've reached thread limit and am lazy, so I hope you enjoyed this thread!
Thank you for reading
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fidicusautism · 4 months ago
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theambitiouswoman · 17 days ago
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How to know if something is normal, or if it’s incredibly messed up but you’re so used to it that you can’t tell the difference:
I’ve spoken about how easy it is for our body to get used to both good and bad things so much so that we can’t decipher the difference. I see a lot in your messages and responses how certain things have become normalized for you, so much so that you don’t consider them a big deal, but should not be something you should be accepting. You’ve become so used to it, you actually don’t realize the effect it has on your frame of mind and health.
This concept is called adaptation—how our bodies and minds become accustomed to certain habits, environments, or stimuli, whether they’re beneficial or harmful. Over time, this normalization makes it harder for us to recognize what is healthy for us and what might be detrimental to our psyche and wellbeing.
For example:
• A poor diet might feel “normal” if it’s been a habit for years, even though it drains energy or causes other health issues.
• On the flip side, regular exercise can feel like a necessity over time because the body adapts to the positive effects.
Sometimes, our lives run on autopilot, and we normalize things that might actually harm us. This is why mindfulness is so important— constantly tuning in to assess whether what we’re used to aligns with what we need for our well being.
How to decipher which is which:
1. Listen to Your Body
• Does it leave you feeling drained, anxious, or unwell?
• Physical Symptoms: Headaches, tension, or digestive issues might be signs of stress or unhealthy patterns.
• Recovery Time: Do you feel worse after engaging in it, whether it’s food, an activity, or even a person?
Try This: Write down how your body feels after meals, activities, or interactions for a week. Notice any recurring discomforts.
2. Evaluate the Long Term Impact
• Does this habit, relationship, or choice align with your goals and values?
• Ask: “If I continue this for 5 years, will it benefit or harm me?”
3. Check Your Emotional State
• Recurring Feelings: Does it bring consistent joy, peace, or growth?
• If it triggers guilt, resentment, or unease, it might not be healthy for you.
• Peace and Joy: Healthy habits and relationships leave you feeling lighter and more fulfilled.
Try This: Before making a decision, pause and ask, “Will this add to my peace or take away from it?”
4. Track Patterns
• Track Daily Habits: Note how you feel physically and emotionally after key moments (e.g., eating, exercising, interacting with people). Journal how it makes you feel physically and emotionally over time.
• Identify Triggers: Over time, you’ll see patterns—what lifts you up and what drags you down.
Start Small: Write down 3 things each day—one thing that made you feel good, one that drained you, and one change you could try.
5. Test Alternatives
• Try removing it or replacing it with something healthier and observe how you feel.
Examples:
• Diet: Swap processed foods for whole foods and notice the difference.
• Relationships: Spend less time with toxic people and see if your stress decreases.
• Habits: Replace scrolling on your phone with journaling or reading for a week.
Ask Yourself: “Do I feel better or worse without this?”
6. Seek Outside Perspectives
Sometimes, we’re too close to the situation to see clearly.
• Ask People you Trust: They might notice what you’ve normalized.
Try This: Say, “I feel like [this habit/relationship] might not be good for me. What do you think?”
7. Trust Your Intuition
Your instincts are powerful. If something feels “off,” it probably is.
• Gut Feelings: Do you feel uneasy or hesitant about continuing it?
• Inner Voice: Are you justifying something that deep down you know isn’t right?
Ask Yourself: “If I truly valued myself, would I allow this in my life?”
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a-sip-of-milo · 1 year ago
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NPD Resources Masterlist
[BPD]
The official resources masterlist for NPD. Includes all the links I've shared in the past and stuff I haven't.
Any posts I've linked about supporting those with NPD have been put in the misc section because I do not want to take away from what this post is really about, which is helping people with NPD, not the people around them.
Diagnostic criteria
NPD diagnostic criteria, rewritten by someone who has it
Official diagnostic criteria
An explanation of the diagnostic criteria
Recovery resources FOR the narcissist
NPD recovery resources
How to find therapy for NPD, common types of therapy and signs of an abusive/toxic therapist
Narcissist supply
What is narc supply?
Things that can give a narcissist supply
NPD stigma
The perception of NPD symptoms vs. how a narcissist might actually experience them
Why those with NPD have a hard time seeking help (spoiler alert: it's not because they're unaware)
A plea from someone with NPD (and some resources debunking common misconceptions)
Narcissism is not abusive / abuse is abusive
Debunking common myths on NPD
Common disproven myths about NPD
Miscellaneous
How to support someone with NPD
NPD Carrd (What is NPD, dpt skills and self-help)
Unravelling the connection: npd as a trauma response
NPD terminology (do's and dont's)
NPD safe blogs
@empath-abuse-awareness
@enigma-in-reality
@loverofmirage
@the-npd-culture-is
@nicepersondisorder
@theegosystem
@mischiefmanifold
NPD positivity so you don't have to go looking
Reblog to kiss a narcissist on the forehead
Reblog to tell your local narcissist that they're the best ever
Happy NPD appreciation day
Positivity for systems with NPD
Be normal about narcissists unless it's to give them love
NPD should be EPD (Epic Personality Disorder)
Of course I have a praise kink, I have NPD
Narcissists are so beautiful and handsome and wonderful
Positivity for narcissists who like sex
I love my narcissists
Aromantic narcissists are amazing
Narcissists I love you
Easy ways to spot a narcissist (it's not what you think &lt;;3)
Narcissists deserve to be loved
As usual, if something needs to be deleted because it's wrong/comes from a toxic author/etc. please let me know. I tried to look on Google but all I found was ableist shit, so these are all found by your fellow narcissists on tumblr :)
Edit: If you have any resources, please send them to me through an ask or DM and i'll check it out/add it!
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morgana-larkin · 2 months ago
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Hii, i love your writings and i hope you could do a Melissa one, were Melissa and the reader have a bigger age gap. Melissas behavior changed at few days ago and shes acting weird. Turns out Melissa got her menopause and is really insecure anout it. (Maybe the reader noticed some symtomes)
I hope its not out of your comfortzone <3
Hi anon! This is a cute prompt and I wonder if you got the idea due to the advertising Lisa is doing with menopause at work. Anyway I got inspiration for it and I did have to look up the symptoms as we’re not taught anything about it in school. Not edited in the slightest and I hope you like it!
On another note: I have 26 other prompts to do for Mel, Chessy and Agatha so they’re coming! If you want a specific one for kinktober then send it with the character and the kink that you want!
Natural
Warnings: mentions of sex, swearing, Mel goes through menopause
Words: 2.1k
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“Here you go Mel.” You say as you hand her your heating pad.
“Thanks Tesoro.” She says as you plug it in for her and she turns it on and puts it on an aching joint.
“Why have your muscles been so sore lately?” You ask her and Ava pipes up.
“Have you two been getting up to some freaking time?” She asks and you both give her a look.
“No more than usual.” You say and everyone turns to look at you both, and Melissa quirks an eyebrow at you. “What?”
“Oh just tell everyone we’re having sex then.” Melissa says and you roll your eyes.
“Oh they know we’ve been dating for a few months and we’re both adults.” You tell her and she goes back to focusing on her aching body. All of a sudden Melissa starts rubbing her eyes and you look at her. “Something in your eyes?” You ask her.
“No, I think they’re dry.” She says.
“If you want I can run home and get my eye drops for you.” You tell her.
“No it's alright, it’ll probably go away in a few minutes.” She says and you can tell it’s really irritating her.
“Oh I have some eye drops here.” Barb says and digs through her purse to get her eye drops and then hands them to Melissa, who then immediately applies it to her eyes.
“Thanks Barb.” She says and then hands it back to her.
“Are you ok? You’ve been acting differently these past couple of days.” You tell her and she whips her head at you.
“I haven’t been acting different.” She says defensively.
“Why are you acting like I’m accusing you?” You ask her and she starts rubbing her temples and then Janine pipes up.
“Oh we all gotta get to our classrooms!” She says and everyone except Melissa and Barb get up and leave.
“Keep my heating pad for the day. I don’t start my period for another week.” You tell Melissa before leaving, along with a kiss to her cheek.
Melissa and Barb get up and gather their stuff to go to their classroom.
“Why won’t you just tell her that you’re starting menopause?” Barb asks her and Melissa quirks an eyebrow at her. “Oh please, I recognize the signs. And soon Y/n will as well. Considering she’s a gym and Sex Ed teacher.” Barb explains and Melissa sighs.
“If she knows I’ve started Menopause then she might leave me, since it’s a big sign of our 25 year age gap and how old I am.” Melissa says as they walk out of the staff room.
“Melissa, both of you are already aware of the age gap. That’s why you didn’t want to start a relationship with her for a year.” Barb reminds her. “But, Y/n waited for you to be ready, remember that.” Barb adds as they reach her classroom.
Melissa reaches her classroom and gets the heating pad ready before her students get there. Melissa started menopause about a month ago and just started showing more symptoms in the past few days. She honestly hasn’t had sex with you in a few days as everything has been dry, especially between her legs. She fears when you’ll start questioning why she doesn’t want sex soon as she knows you love it since you’re 25.
Melissa taught a small lesson, mostly sitting down, before giving the kids questions from the lesson to work on and then getting them to read.
At lunch, you came in a couple minutes after Melissa did and sat down with the trio like always. You liked to give Melissa and Barb time together even though they always invite you to join them at lunch. About 10 minutes into lunch, you got up, walk over to Melissa and gave her a kiss on the top of her head before hugging her from behind.
“Feeling better Mel?” You ask softly and she nods her head, leaning back into your touch.
“Ya Tesoro, thanks for the help this morning.”
“It’s not a problem. I love you and don’t want you in pain.” You tell her and she hums.
“And I love you too.”
“What time do you want me over tonight?” You ask her and her eyes widen slightly but you don’t see it as you're behind her.
“You’re coming over tonight?” She asks and you lean to the side and go forward a bit to see the side of her face.
“Of course, it’s Friday, I go over every Friday night.” You tell her.
“It’s Friday?” She asks confused and you nod. You then put a hand over her forehead, checking for a fever.
“You’re not running a fever are you?” You ask and she smiles at how caring you are with her.
“No, I'm not sick Tesoro. Just a long morning with the kids.” She says to you and you hum. “Your hug is nice.” She adds and you smile.
“That’s good because I plan on hugging you a lot tonight.” You say just as Ava walks in.
“Girl, you freaky!” Ava says, drawing the attention of everyone in the break room. You know Melissa is glaring at her as she looks at Melissa and then just goes to do her coffee without another word.
“Come over whenever you want Tesoro. But make sure it’s in time to eat dinner as I plan on cooking for you.” She tells you and you give her a kiss on the head.
“Alright, I’ll swing by my house quickly and then come over.” You tell her and she nods.
After school you go to your place quickly and pack a few things that you might need overnight as you’ve been sleeping at her house over the weekends.
You pull up at her driveway 30 minutes later and use the spare key she gave you to unlock her door and enter.
“Mel! I’m here!” You yell out and she doesn’t come to you and you look around for her. You take off your shoes and you go into the kitchen, thinking she might be in there and just didn’t hear you. She was in fact in there and she was leaning on the counter and had her fingers on her temple. “Mel, you alright?” You ask as you walk up to her. She jumps slightly and turns to look at you.
“Y/n! I didn’t know you were here.” She says and you smile.
“I just got here. I guess you didn’t hear me.” You say and giggle slightly. “Are you alright?” You ask her again and she nods and smiles at you.
“Ya, just a slight headache. I took some ibuprofen and I think it’s starting to kick in.” She tells you and you nod.
“Need some help with dinner?” You offer and she stares at you with a slight glare. “With like chopping or something like that. I know you like to do everything but I can help with something small like that.” You tell her.
Melissa started to say no but then felt some stiffness in her wrists and thought you doing the chopping might not be a bad thing.
“Ok, but only chopping some things.” She tells you sternly and you look at her shocked for a second as she was allowing you to help for once.
You help her chop up some vegetables needed for dinner while she does everything else. Dinner ends up being done in half an hour and you’re both setting up the table. After she puts the main dish on the table you wrap your arms around her waist from behind her and start planting kisses on her shoulder.
“Can I help you Tesoro?” She asks you with a smile.
“Nope, just enjoying being close to you.” You tell her and she leans into your touch. She then turns around in your arms, cups your cheeks and kisses you. You then deepen the kiss and she immediately pulls away.
“We should eat before it gets cold.”
“Fuck the food, I’d rather eat you.” You say and fear runs through Melissa.
“We should eat first so we have the energy.” Melissa tries again and this time you stop.
“Alright, good point.” You say and then the both of you go to eat.
After eating, you both do the dishes and then go sit on the couch and cuddle together. After about 20 minutes of cuddling, you start to run your hands all over her thighs.
“Tesoro, what are you doing?” She asks you.
“Teasing you, what’s it look like I’m doing?” You say plainly and she grabs your hand. “You said dinner first. And so I waited, and plus I’ve waited for 2 weeks.” You say to her with a pout.
“I’m just not in the mood, but I can definitely do it to you.” She tells you and you lay your head on her shoulder.
“I’m very good at getting you in the mood.” You say and then start to kiss and suck on her neck.
“Te-Tesoro.” She says a bit scared and you pull back and look at her.
“What is it? What’s wrong?” You ask her and she sighs.
“It’s- it’s nothing.” She tells you and looks away. You grab her chin and force her to look at you.
“It’s not nothing, what is it?” You ask again and she sighs but doesn’t say anything. “What’s going on with you recently? You think I haven’t noticed that you’ve been acting different?” You tell her.
“What do you mean? I haven’t been acting different at all.” She says sternly and gets up off the couch and goes to the kitchen and you follow her.
“Yes you have. Other than not having sex for 2 weeks, you’ve been having really aching joints, headaches, itchy eyes, you had a hot flash last weekend, mood swin- oh.” You say as it hits you and you carefully walk up to her. “Melissa…?” You start carefully and her head is facing the floor so you carefully grab her chin and get her to look at you. “Have you started menopause?” You ask softly and she nods while a tear runs down her cheek. “Hey, why are you crying?” You say as you wipe away the tear.
“It’s a huge sign of our age gap in the relationship. I thought you might get freaked out to be with someone who’s started menopause.” She says and you cup her cheek.
“Melissa, I’ve wanted to be with you for over a year before you finally went out with me. I’ve been so happy being with you, and if you let me, I’ll continue being happy with you, menopause or not.” Melissa lets out a sniffle at the end of your sentence. You pull her in for a hug and you feel her instantly relax into it. “When did you start?” You ask her as you pull away.
“About a month ago when my period was a week late and it was lighter than usual. And then after my period ended, I started getting more symptoms.” She admits and you smile softly at her.
“Ok, well how about we look to see what can help you with symptoms and whatever else you need. Like we can get you your own heating pad, some eye drops, maybe keep you stocked on ibuprofen.” You say and she looks at you lovingly.
“You’re too good for me.” She says as she kisses you.
“I’m just being a supportive girlfriend.” You say with a shrug. “This is a natural thing and you should be supported through it. Is there anything you need right now?” You ask and she thinks about it.
“I wouldn’t mind going up to bed and cuddling with my girlfriend as my joints are actually aching a bit right now.” She says and you nod.
“Alright I’ll get my bag from the car and I’ll be right up.” You say and she nods before making her way to the bedroom.
“You know, apparently there’s something called vaginal moisturiser. And it’s for a dry vagina.” She says as you make you enter the bedroom.
“I know, I got some when I kept getting dry when I was with my boyfriend. Having no idea that I kept getting dry cause I was a lesbian.” You tell her and she giggles. You join her on the bed and she immediately puts her head on your chest while you stroke her head.
“Thank you Tesoro.” She says as she looks at you.
“Anytime Mel.” You tell her and then place a kiss on her head.
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candyskiez · 5 months ago
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The thing about Mob being autistic is it's like. It doesn't feel like someone wrote a character experiencing symptoms of autism. It feels like that is a person who has autism. It's not even just "he shows signs of autism", it's like the driving force of the plot. The inciting incident behind the story is something so many autistic people can relate to. The whole scene where Mob realized "do other people have goals? Am I the only one who doesn't know what I want?" Resonated with me so hard and I've literally never seen that experience covered. And you can't like Explain how autistic he reads as to someone who isn't autistic yk. Like yeah it's the social cues yeah it's the emotional regulation but it's also Everything Else. Literally everything else. It's the fact he doesn't even know why he was so nostalgic about Tsumobi or why she meant so much to him. It's the fact that even good things add up to explosions. It's the fact he acts like how autistic people who have trauma around ableism and bullying act in real life. It's the fact the trauma of ableism is actually shown to fuck you up. I don't know how to explain to a non autistic person why Mobs so autistic because it's not just any one thing it's literally everything about him. Everything in the story. It's all autistic and I cannot explain it I can only gesture at it and go DO YOU SEE THIS. ARE YOU FUCKINH SEEING THIS. I've literally never related to a character more than Mob it's actually insane. I could not explain to someone who hasn't watched the show. He deserved to win all of those autism polls the plot of mp100 would not happen if he wasn't autistic.
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