#adam doesn’t hate canada one but

[three-headed-monster]

EXACTLY. Adam definitely fits in with these Canada boys and is happy. And he's literally said that he chose the ushl and ncaa because if he went to the whl he wouldn't have been draft eligible for a few more years and that he thought it would be best for his development to play against older people who are more physical rather than kids his age.

okay i am gonna clear things up for everyone JUST SO WE DON’T GET IT WRONG AND MIXED UP

why adam fantilli didn’t go to the ohl

1) denied exceptional status and bumped back down to his own age group

idk who many people actually know that the year they played each other in the OHL cup, both shane and adam were playing a year ahead of their age group in the ‘03 group. adam and shane both applied for exceptional status at the time but adam was denied and shane was accepted. this makes sense, they usually only grant 1 person per age group exceptional status no matter how many apply. however, this became problematic for adam because while shane was allowed to play in the ohl and continue along with the ‘03 age group, he was not. adam actually switched teams temporarily from the red wings back to the jr. canadiens to go BACK to his age group with his peers because he wasn’t old enough to go to the ojhl or the ohl. this meant he was playing with lesser teammates and in a whole new team dynamic he hadn’t been apart of for years. without that exceptional status year, he was actually going to be quite a few years behind the 03s draft wise due to his late birthday. therefore he searched for a new route to try to continue playing with better competition and teammates.

2) luca

i won’t deny that missing luca probably was a huge factor for adam going to kimball union in particular. he has never played without his brother being at home and that was definitely tough on him. i think they have a deep connection and a strong bond and i have no doubts that adam most of all wanted to be near luca wherever he played hockey.

3) he’s a pat brisson client

sorry to say but there’s a known track record of pat brisson clients specifically on the umich team taking unconventional routes in development. for example, briss went to shattuck before the ushl which is quite unusual considering he grew up in la. as well, bords headed to the ntdp based on the hughes suggestion; jim hughes, pat’s employee. you also have to look no further than jonathan toews (shattuck -> college), sidney crosby (shattuck -> qmjhl), and nathan mackinnon (shattuck -> qmjhl) to realize that there is a trend of his high profile clients going to prep school instead of playing chl and/or cjhl. i would bet money that if a spot on the kimball union team hadn’t opened up, adam would have shipped himself over to shattuck or another prep school.

4) the ohl team that drafted him was rebuilding

again, i have no idea how many people know that adam actually was drafted into the ohl quite high and he considered going. like look he even did a prospects feature for them just like everyone else. he actually made his decision to sign an letter of intent with umich quote late in the game, only a year before his intended freshman year. the reason was, the saginaw spirit owned his ohl rights and despite already committed to playing in the ushl, he still wanted to canvas his options. the spirit were very very good before the covid-19 pandemic hit and were probably an option for adam considering they were poised to win. it was also in michigan, so he could be close to luca as well. however, by the time the 2021-22 season rolled around, the spirit were in a much different place. many of their star players had aged out of the ohl during the cancelled season and they did not collect enough draft capital to replace it. they lost the majority of their games that season and were actively starting to rebuild, as they are now. they traded his rights away to the north bay battalion, who were also not good at the time, under defected player rules because they knew he wasn’t coming to them during their current rebuild. saginaw is also a small market compared to chicago and ann arbor for hockey.

5) his best friend rutger was committed to umich

not enough is made about how adam had a whole surrounding community that was dedicated to umich. his brother AND his best friend from the time he was 14 were both going there and it was probably a simple decision to make when just considering that. he loves them and would follow them to umich too.

so there you go! all the big reasons why adam decided to go to umich and NOT the ohl. it has nothing to do with him feeling like he’s being bullied by his peers or feeling shit on by people who he thinks are his friends. not at all. it’s also not him using luca as a crutch or anything. simply that it comes down the numbers and ages just making sense for him and him wanting to be close to rutger and luca (but not only that). suggesting otherwise is just conveniently twisting facts to match the idea that adam hates canada.

[bordysbae]

👋👋fantilli!sister x luke hughes w 10. “i am not getting in that car with you, are you crazy?”11. “do you ever stop complaining?” “you ever think that if you stopped being an idiot i wouldn’t need to complain?”12. “why do you hate me?” “you think i hate you?”

“frenemies”

luke hughes x fantilli!sister

living in both of your brother’s shadows is basically the role you’ve had throughout all of your life. being adam’s twin sister just makes things even worse. if adam needs to move away for hockey, you have to come with. your parents can’t dare to send their superstar away without following him.

luca commited to michigan first, but when you and adam both committed, you knew your life was basically over. all the attention would be on the d1 athletes rather than the regular college student, and you were right. but when you met luke hughes, your whole life flipped. the 19 year old boy immediately caught your eye, and he gives you the most attention out of all of your brothers teammates. the only problem is that he teases you non stop, and not in a flirty way.

—

as you’re walking through the dorm hallway headed towards your brothers shared dorm, you notice the tall curly haired boy walking towards you. “ah if it isn’t adam and luca fantilli’s shadow!” he teases. you just roll your eyes at the boy and your feet come to a slow stop. “nice to see you too, jack and quinn’s shadow,” you sarcastically grin.

“party tonight, you coming?” he asks, pulling out his phone to look at his notifications instead of looking at you as you speak. “uhh, i guess so,” you shrug.

“alright sick! see you later then, adam’s twin!” he winks before walking off. the annoyed scoff that leaves your mouth contradicts how that wink effected you. your heart rate increases and your cheeks run hot. you walk towards the door of adam and luca’s dorm, and you don’t even knock before pushing it wide open and storming in.

“y/n what if we were naked!” adam shrieks, but you just let out a loud huff before jumping on his bed and burying your face in his pillows. he sends luca a concerned look, and moves one of the pillows so he can see you. “are you okay y/n?” adam asks and luca walks over to the bed as well. “what’s wrong?” luca asks, but you just groan.

you know you can’t tell them that you like their teammate, so you come up with a half lie.

“just luke being luke,” you roll your eyes before sitting up on the bed. you rest your back against the wall; now facing towards the boys who are standing next to the bed. they give you a pitiful smile, since they know luke can be a little harsh on the teasing comments. “we’re sorry about him y/n. do you want us to talk to him?” adam asks.

“no! that’ll just make it worse! but anyways, are you guys coming to the party tonight?”

“nah, we both have a lot of homework to do,” luca chimes in. you let out a little chuckle before mumbling, “yeah welcome to my world.”

“what’d you say?” luca asks, but you just shake it off and he doesn’t ask again. “alright well, i just came here to grab a hoodie so i’ll get outta your hair,” you exclaim before hopping off of adam’s bed and trotting towards their closet. “where are you going that you need a hoodie?” adam asks. “i’m going to the grocery store. need anything?” you ask, as you pull one of adam’s team canada hoodies over your head. “can we come?” adam and luca excitedly ask, and you let out a chuckle with a nod.

as you’re walking down the isles grabbing snacks for your dorm, you notice a familiar face walking towards you once again. “luke,” you blatantly state. he gives you a devilish grin before leaning down to reach your ear, “cant even go shopping on your own? you really are their shadow,” he chuckles.

“yeah whatever luke,” you scoff as you walk towards the register, with adam and luca trailing behind. you look back at luke and he just gives you a smile. a smile that should not be effecting you like this. your cheeks run hot and you immediately turn your head away.

—

you and your roommate make the walk to the frat, and immediately a strong smell of alcohol sends your senses into alert as you step inside. before you even realize it, you’re four shots in and now drinking a mix of god knows what.

“y/n, are you okay?” a familiar male voice asks from behind you. you turn around and see luke with a concerned look on his face. “whatttt i’m fine hughesy!” you shout, very clearly drunk.

“uh yeah, okay. i’m getting you an uber and taking you to your dorm, are you here with anyone?” he asks, holding your body upright to prevent you from falling.

“ummm my roommate, but i think she went upstairs with one of the frat bros, so she’ll be fine. but lukey, i don’t wanna leave!” you say, and immediately luke’s cheeks heat up at your new nickname for him. “yeah no, you’re going back to your dorm. i already called an uber, cmon,” he states as he takes you outside.

you both sit on the steps as you wait for the uber to arrive, and when it does you immediately realize what’s going on. luke slides into the backseat before you, and you gasp, “i’m not getting into the car with you! are you crazy?!”

“jesus y/n, do you ever stop complaining?” luke scoffs as he practically drags your drunk-self into the car. “maybe if you stopped being such an idiot i wouldn’t have to complain!” you roll your eyes as you struggle to buckle the seatbelt. luke’s hand pushes yours away before he helps you buckle in.

most of the ride is quiet, but when the uber gets stopped in traffic you’re basically forced to talk to luke. you’re drunk, so the first words that come out are ones you’ve been deathly afraid to ask. “why do you hate me, luke?”

his head turns from the window to look at you, “you think i hate you?”

“well yeah, why else would you be so rude to me! sure as hell isn’t flirting.”

“i mean yeah i’m not trying to flirt with you.. but i do like you, y/n. that’s why i’m rude to you. it’s because i cant let you like me back, your brothers would actually kill me! they made you a boundary for the team, but i can’t help liking you. you’re pretty, you’re sweet, and you don’t even hate me after all the shit i’ve done to you,” luke rambles.

“how do you know i don’t hate you?” you tease. “because your cheeks wouldn’t be as pink as they are,” luke smirks and you immediately get embarrassed and hide your face. luke lets out a little chuckle, and suddenly his lips find their way on yours, and they practically melt together. your heart is beating out of your chest but even if your brothers are mad, at least you got what you’ve been dying for.

a kiss from luke hughes, and an answer as to why he teases you so much.

—

little self promo but go check out my 500 celly and feel free to request something! <3

[workingforitallthetime]

drawn arrows unseen

part 16 / previous installments/tags

The news about Connor breaks before world juniors. The tone of the draft year coverage immediately shifts. Before, Connor was undersized but built for hockey. Now Connor’s too short to stick as an NHL centre. Before, Connor was the undisputed 1OA. Now mock drafts are showing Fantilli or Carlsson going first. When Connor tries a lacrosse goal in Canada’s embarrassing loss in their opening game, suddenly there’s a bunch of hot takes about whether Canada can win with omegas on the team.

Mason’s furious about it. He watches every game, willing Canada on. Willing Connor on. Trevor tries to talk some shit and ends up baiting Mason into a bet. “When USA wins you have to wear my jersey for arrivals,” Trevor grins at him, crinkle-eyed, obviously not taking this seriously at all. “Or the other way around.”

“Yeah, it’s fucking on,” Mason growls at him. Canada’s going to pull this off, with Connor leading the way. Mason’s not going to have to wear a goddamned Team USA jersey. Trevor’s probably wouldn’t even fit him anyway.

Mason leaves Connor a screaming unhinged voice note after Connor wins the quarterfinals in OT with the slickest goal Mason’s ever seen. And then they win the whole thing, and Connor gets the same MVP award Mason got last summer, and Mason’s so unbearably proud of him it’s easy to focus on that and not on Adam Fantilli or whatever alphas Connor might be playing alongside.

Especially since Connor’s rooming with Zelly. No worries there. doesn’t steal my bars, Connor texts him, but he probably doesn’t know the capital of France. It’s one of the only texts Mason gets during the tournament. Connor’s busy.

The day after Canada wins gold, Trevor reminds Mason to bring his jersey to the game. “Gotta pay up,” he laughs, like it’s no big deal.

As Mason takes his jersey from world juniors off its hanger on his wall, he considers forgetting it instead. Absolving Trevor. But a bet’s a bet. And Trevor doesn’t give a shit anyway, laughing his fool head off about it when he meets Mason at parking to pull Mason’s jersey on over his gameday suit. Mason gamely mugs for the camera as they walk in, but he’s glad to reclaim his jersey and hang it safely in his street locker.

After the game, as they’re getting ready to go out, Trevor reaches in and snatches it off its hook. He starts to tug it over his head. Mason yanks on the sleeve to stop his momentum. “What the hell?”

“Just for fun.” Trevor pops his face through the neck of Mason's jersey, grinning his stupid grin.

Mason’s not going to get into a tug of war with a bratty omega. “Are you going to make him stop?” he asks Jamie instead.

“It’s not a big deal.” Jamie blinks his mild eyes earnestly at Mason. ‘He’s having fun, and it doesn’t bother me, so you don’t have to worry.”

Mason tries to unclench his fists. If Trevor’s mate doesn’t mind him wearing another alpha’s jersey, unbonded Mason doesn’t have any room to complain. It’s not like Mason even wants to see Connor wearing his jersey. He likes Connor in his own Canada jersey, side by side with Mason. Winning together.

When Jamie makes him pose for a picture at the restaurant, Mason wonders if Connor will see. But he never hears anything from Connor about it.

[never forget that this bet is canon]

The hot takes don’t stop after Connor torches world juniors. Dom at The Athletic comes up with a model to analyze the value of presented omega prospects compared to other prospects. The story includes an analysis of Jack Hughes’ performance and how his stats exploded partway through the 2021-22 season after it came out that he and Nico Hischer were bonded. 

Mason hates the suggestion that Connor needs an alpha to play his best hockey. Connor can handle himself. Nobody knows that better than Mason.

Shayna Goldman writes a companion piece examining five different bottom-feeder teams as potential destinations for Connor Bedard based on their unbonded alphas. Mason skims it and of course his own shitty team is on there. The story notes that Anaheim’s short on alphas, with only Commer and Fowler left after Verbeek sold everyone off last spring, so he’s probably not going to take a chance on an omega in the 2023 draft.

A week later, Shayna retweets a link to the story with this:

Rumor has it there’s another alpha who’s presented in sunny SoCal, and Team Canada says he’s got great chemistry with a possible 1OA pick. xoxo

It’s stupid to hope that Connor will get drafted to Anaheim and everything will be okay. But Mason hopes anyway. Connor on his line forever, the two of them putting this lousy franchise on their backs and dragging it into a new era. Connor, living in Anaheim, his draft year behind him, finally eighteen. Mason could finally tell him everything.

As the season rolls on and the Ducks get worse and worse, he texts Connor after especially bad games with a joke about the draft lottery. Sometimes Connor responds. Sometimes he doesn’t.

(next)

[ofwrxth]

BASICS

Name: Kellan ‘Kel’ Griffin 

Age & Birthday: 33 years old, October 26th, 1990

Gender/Pronouns: cis man he/him

Birthplace: Center Hill, Atlanta 

Time in Hollow Cove: TBD

Species: Werewolf -  Vaismans

Role in Hollow Cove: Watcher / Doesn’t volunteer & sighs loudly when he gets other shifts around town

Positive personality traits:  assertive, daring, direct, 

Negative personality traits: bellicose, short-tempered, unpredictable 

ABOUT

Kellan was born into the Vaisman pack and he and his brother, Caleb, and cousin, Adam, were raised in Center Hill. He took to such a living like a fish to water. He was every bit as riotous and reckless as a kid growing up Center Hill might be. Picking fights with people he shouldn't, making his opinions known, toeing the line before crossing it altogether.

Growing up, he resented the Crosses like many in his pack and despite his rough upbringing, he remained close to his brother and affectionately (he'd say) picked on his cousin, Adam. He was a solid member of the pack as well, bringing in money through a variety of jobs. But what he became good at was knowing a guy who knows a guy. Selling stolen goods became his bread and butter.

In 2017, their pack was driven from Atlanta and he hated running away from a fight. He thought it was weak and it was the first time he felt like being part of the Vaisman's wasn't a great thing. But Kel liked NOLA, and he liked the money he made while there, working as a fence with new connections. Sometimes, he'd even tag along with Melanie and Vic Madden, helping them ambush some unsuspecting idiots in the French Quarter.

When the French Quarter Fires happened, he was separated from his pack and family. But Kellan had always been resourceful and began to travel around, avoiding holding camps and facilities for the first year of the war. He kicked around the southern states, hoping that he'd come across his pack members before heading north again.

In 2022 Kel got nabbed near Kansas City but their convoy was ambushed and he managed to escape. Until he was nabbed again by Sioux Falls three months later. As luck would have it, the holding camp they were staying at was attacked and he got away there too. Only to be snatched by Fargo two months after and at that point he decided that if he ever got out, he'd avoid every city and town he could see. So when the holding camp ended up falling into chaos in January 2023, he got away, traveling with a few randos before they were all, you guessed it, nabbed crossing into Canada, just shy of Winnipeg. Somehow this motherfucker and his small crew of newfound supernaturals escaped again before getting nabbed once more in March 2023, just outside Saskatchewan. But they were rescued by some witches before getting transported to facilities.

It took another few months before finally crossing paths with familiar faces. Tate Gray and Lexi Madden and some hot Brazilians he didn't know. Joined by some of his other supernatural pals and his reunited pack members, Kel's been traveling with them through Canada, searching for their pack. He's glad to have found them but annoyed that no one quite believes that he was captured and escaped five times.

[breadbrobin]

batfam headcanons for my soul

- jason is part italian and also so is tim. steph and dick call them the mario brothers. both are adamant they are mario. everyone else has started referring to both of them as luigi. neither has caught on

- tim and damian are actually pretty close but keep pretending to hate each other because they know the others all have bets on how long it’ll take before they even tolerate each other

- all of them are terrible drivers when it comes to the road rules. because they drive the batmobile, which is obv super different, they suck at driving normal cars and legally. they get pulled over a lot. bribes are common but hey, this is gotham so what’s new tbh

- most of them have considered whether they can sell a sibling, few (jason, tim) have actually researched how to do this and gotten scarily close to actually doing it

- jason listens to taylor swift openly and proudly. he is slowly corrupting the rest of the family

- dick and jason somehow got everyone else into theatre and musical theatre. movie nights are an experience

- roy is just. always there. he’s not part of the family, nor do any of them want him to be. he will not leave. alfred has not yet found where he stays or how he gets in

- dick likes to climb walls

- steph once found tim asleep, hanging from a gym bar. she left him there

- bruce once found tim asleep on top of the fridge. he left him there

- tim once woke up in japan. what.

- duke sings random things he does while he’s doing them. it has started to bleed into everyone else. they could start a choir at this point

- cass will sit anywhere. on chairs, the ground, people, tables, bannisters, anything. she likes to sit on peoples shoulders a lot

- babs is the only person who knows tim and damian actually get along. she found them working side by side one time and they swore her into the secret

- babs knows everyone’s secrets eventually, but she doesn’t tell anyone. until she needs to, of course

- bruce once woke up in japan after a mission gone awry. he was meant to be in canada. he ran into tim there. it was a weird day

[a-room-of-my-own]

To track the ‘incel’ diatribes uttered and read by Jake Davison, murdering women can seem like the logical conclusion to their seething hatred.

The hours after a fatal attack on members of the public are harrowing. Confusion reigns, rumours swirl and anxious people try to contact loved ones to make sure they are safe. Last Thursday evening, as reports of gunfire and possible fatalities on a housing estate in Plymouth began to circulate, the question of whether it was a terrorist incident was at the forefront of everyone’s minds. When Devon and Cornwall police announced it was not terrorism-related, I wondered how they could be so sure – and their judgment has been called into question by everything that has emerged since.

We now know that 22-year-old Jake Davison was a misogynist who shot dead his mother, who had recently been treated for cancer, before taking the lives of four others. There are parallels between Plymouth and the Sandy Hook massacre in Connecticut in 2012, when Adam Lanza shot his mother five times before going to a primary school where he killed 20 children and six adults, all women. Not for the first time, the significance of extreme misogyny in the genesis of a fatal attack on members of the public seems to have been missed.

It is hard to see how Davison’s actions fail to meet the government’s definition of terrorism, which includes “the use of threat or action… to intimidate the public”. Examples include serious violence against one or more people, endangering someone’s life or creating a serious risk to the health and safety of the public: tick, tick and tick. But here is the get-out clause. The definition stipulates that terrorism must be “for the purpose of advancing a political, religious, racial or ideological cause” and it is often argued that even the most extreme misogyny does not meet that test.

It seems that its deadly interaction with other forms of extremism is poorly understood, something that struck me forcibly after the Manchester Arena bombing in 2017. Five years earlier, Salman Abedi was already showing signs of being radicalised, but the significance of his assault on a young Muslim woman at college was not recognised. Abedi punched her in the head for wearing a short skirt, almost knocking her out in front of witnesses. It was an act of staggering brutality, displaying a toxic combination of misogyny and allegiance to Islamist ideology, along with a low threshold for violence. Yet Abedi was not charged. Greater Manchester police dealt with the incident through restorative justice and Abedi owned up to anger management issues, avoiding a referral to the Prevent counter-terrorism programme. In what seems to be an example of history repeating itself, it has been revealed that Devon and Cornwall police recently restored Davison’s firearms licence, which he lost in December, after he agreed to take part in an anger management course.

Yet Davison made no secret of his seething resentment of women, posting hate-filled diatribes on YouTube. He compared himself to “incels” – involuntary celibates – angry young men who blame women for their inability to get sex and revealed an obsession with guns. In a video uploaded three weeks before the shootings, he came close to justifying sexual violence. “Why do you think sexual assaults and all these things keep rising?” he demanded in a 10-minute rant, claiming that “women don’t need men no more”. One of the questions Devon and Cornwall police need to answer is if they were aware of the content of Davison’s social media posts when they returned his licence.

In North America, incels have been linked with white supremacy, as well as being held responsible for the murders of around 50 people. In Canada, their ideology has been designated a form of violent extremism following an attack on a Toronto massage parlour last year in which a woman was stabbed to death by a 17-year-old man. It was the second such attack in the city in two years, after a self-described incel drove a van into pedestrians in 2018, killing 10 people.

In the UK, however, misogyny is not even widely recognised as the driving force behind violence against women. Time and again, we hear about men who supposedly “just snapped” and killed their female partners in what the police describe as “domestic” and “isolated” incidents. Not so isolated, given that 1,425 women were killed by men in the UK between 2009 and 2018, but we are expected to believe that such homicides could not be predicted or stopped. In fact, it is rare for a woman to be murdered by a current or former partner without a previous history of domestic abuse.

Hatred of women is normalised, dismissed as an obsession of feminists, even when its horrific consequences are staring us in the face. In June last year, two sisters, Bibaa Henry and Nicole Smallman, were murdered in a north London park by a teenager. Danyal Hussein, now 19, had been referred to Prevent after using school computers to access rightwing websites, but was discharged after a few months with no further concerns. What seems to have been missed is his virulent misogyny, which led him to make a “pact” with a “demon” to kill six women in six months.

Five years ago, I began to notice how many men who committed fatal terrorist attacks had a history of misogyny and domestic abuse – practising at home, in other words. No one would listen so I wrote a book about it, listing around 50 perpetrators who had previously terrorised current and ex-partners. It was published in 2019 and inspired groundbreaking research by counter-terrorism policing, showing that almost 40% of referrals to the Prevent programme had a history of domestic abuse, as perpetrators, witnesses or victims. Project Starlight has produced a number of recommendations, arguing that counter-terrorism officers need to look for evidence of violence against women when they are assessing the risk posed by suspects.

That is a welcome development, but we need to go further. We are all in shock after hearing about the horrific events in Plymouth, while the grief of the victims’ families is awful to contemplate. But Davison’s murderous rampage demonstrates that our understanding of what constitutes terrorism is too restrictive. Extreme misogyny needs to be recognised as an ideology in its own right – and one that carries an unacceptable risk of radicalising bitter young men

[youbloodymadgenius]

Home (Modern!Ivar x reader)

A/N: This is my entry for @maggiescarborough​‘s 400 Followers Challenge. Congrats again, love 🌺

This is another silly, fluffy thing. It’s probably boring, sorry 😔

Since Ivar is undoubtedly a Scorpio, this story takes place in November 😉

The prompt: surprising the character on their birthday.

@geekandbooknerd​, thanks for beta reading this for me ♥️ And @inforapound​, thanks for helping me out ♥️

Thanks to google translate too 😉 jeg er allerede begyndt at lære dansk: I've already started to learn Danish.

Let me know if you want to be tagged 😊

Divider by @firefly-graphics​

Summary: On his birthday, Ivar is in a very bad mood. The only present he wants is you, but there is an ocean between you two.

Warnings: Ivar’s bad temper (is that ever a warning??); soft, soft Ivar; fluff+++.

Words: 3209

When his phone rings, Ivar's first thought is to throw it across the room. Looking down, he then sees the name on the screen and closes his eyes. Snippets of his days run through his mind: how he had snapped at Ubbe – I don't give a shit about what you're saying, brother; how his outburst had brought to tears his new personal assistant – if you don't even know how to make a fucking coffee, I should probably fire you; how Harald, his longtime business partner, had hung up on him, angering him even more – you may be smart, Ivar, but when you're such in a bad mood, you're worthless. I'll call you tomorrow.

 Ivar knows he needs to calm down. He's so pissed off – at everything – that his right quadriceps is constantly spasming, his thigh as hard as rock. Inhaling and exhaling deeply, he sighs loudly, pinches the bridge of his nose and eventually grabs his phone.

 "Mor?" He's sure his mother won't fail to notice the hint of sharpness in his voice. She won't acknowledge it, though, used to his temper.

 "Hello Darling." There's a tremendous amount of love packed in those two little words, yet it doesn't bring a smile on his stern face. "I just wanted to let you know that Sven is on his way. He left Kattegat forty minutes ago. He is going to take you home."

 Clenching his jaw, Ivar stops himself from telling his mother that Kattegat, for him, is no longer home. Not anymore. The truth is, he doesn't know where home is. Home isn't his luxurious loft in in the very center of Copenhagen either. Home should be where you are. But you're so far away…

Ivar clears his throat. "I still don't get it, Mor. Why should I go with your chauffeur? You do know I can drive, don't you?"

 "Oh, honey, of course I do. But we've been over this, remember? You had to work the whole day, on your birthday, and I just want you to relax. Traffic can be brutal this time of day. Just let Sven bring you home. Maybe take a nap in the backseat, or just allow your thoughts to wander. I want you to be rested tonight, sweetheart." His mother pauses for a few seconds, and when she speaks again, her words are careful, her tone almost hesitant – so unlike her, his heart softens a little. "You did pack a bag, didn't you?"

 Ivar can't help but roll his eyes and then settles his gaze on a brown leather duffel bag right next to his mahogany desk. He knows that whatever his mother might expect, he won't stay the night. And if she doesn't allow Sven

to drive him back to Copenhagen, he will just call a cab. He won't argue about it right now, though – everything in its own time.

 Letting out a small sigh, Ivar nods uselessly, a hand running through his hair. "Yes Mor, I did."

  Sven knows better than to talk to him and, in the backseat, as the car speeds down the highway, Ivar closes his eyes and tries to relax. Anger still coursing through his veins, it turns out it's a nearly impossible task. It seems as if everything has gone wrong since he woke up and he's therefore mad at the whole world. He's mad at all those stupid, infuriating people he had to interact with. He's mad at Sven for taking him to Kattegat. He's mad at his mother for inviting him for his birthday. He's mad at himself for accepting. He's even mad at you, for not being here; for not making the impossible possible. For leaving him alone. And no matter if deep down he knows how unfair it is to you; because of course, you'd be here if you could. But he can't help it. He's mad at you because he misses you, every day a little more, to the point where the ache in his heart is far worse than the pain in his legs.

 And today, he misses you like crazy. To the point where sadness floods his mind. To the point where anger takes control. Because today may be his birthday, but it's also the anniversary of your first kiss, first and foremost. And he wants you here, right next to him, for now and forever.

  Fourteen months ago, after yet another surgery, and because even if he knew all too well that he couldn't stay by himself while recovering, the mere thought of his mother's overprotective presence made him nauseous, he had flown – fled – to Canada, to Floki's. The old fool had welcomed him with open arms, turning one of the many guest rooms of his house into a high-tech physiotherapy space. That's where he met you. At first, you had been just his physical therapist, then his date, his girlfriend, and now you are his lover. And if he's back in Denmark for nine months now, you're still in Canada. He had thought he could handle a long-distance relationship. He couldn't have been more wrong. Your absence just kills him.

 As a boat whistle can be heard, Ivar slowly opens his eye and then looks around. Frowning, he scratches his head, confused and annoyed. Since the Lothbrok mansion is located on a hill overlooking Kattegat, there's never any reason to go by the seaside to get there. Never ever. "We're on the wrong road, Sven. Why are you going to the shore?" Ivar speaks in a demanding tone of voice that doesn't impress Sven one bit.

 The obedient chauffeur barely shrugs. "I'm just following orders, Sir. Your mother's orders."

 Now riled up, irked, Ivar snorts, his nostrils flaring. "My mother asked you to drive me here?" Without waiting for an answer, he takes his phone out of his back pocket, gasping as Sven comes to a halt in front of The Nimb Hotel, the hotel palace of Kattegat.

 When his mother doesn't pick up the phone, a sinking feeling growing in the pit of his stomach, he tries to get ahold of Hvitserk, Ubbe, and even Sigurd, but to no avail. Fuming, his hands curling into fists, Ivar clenches his teeth. Did his mother organize a fucking birthday party even though she knows he hates that? She wouldn't dare. No, she wouldn't.

 Oh, fuck. Sure, she would. She totally would. And it'd explain why she had been so adamant about having Sven drive him. She wanted him here, in this fucking hotel, and not at the mansion. It explains why his brothers don’t answer the phone. Because they know that if they did, he would yell at them to fuck off. He can’t believe it!! What’s got into his mother?? What the fucking hell??!!!!

 For a split second, he hovers a trembling pointer finger over the screen of his phone. Calling an Uber and going back to Copenhagen would be so easy. But as tempting as it may be to just run away, he knows he won't do it. He can't. Because it'd hurt his beloved mother, and the thought is unbearable, even though he's angry with her right now. That's why, whatever she may have planned, he'll deal with it, putting on a brave face for her sake.

 And that's why he doesn't object when Sven opens his door, "This way, Sir," his hand gesturing toward the hotel entrance, flanked by two ostentatious marble columns. Ivar uses his hands to place his right leg out of the car and he then slowly stands up, one hand on his crutch and the other on the car door, before following the gray-haired chauffeur, a permanent scowl on his face.

As they walk through the lobby, he is surprised when Sven leads him onto an elevator, pressing the twelfth-floor button. He would have thought that his mother would have privatized the hotel restaurant. But the restaurant is on the main floor. What's on the upper floors other than rooms? A roof terrace, probably. His mother would never throw an outdoor party in the middle of November though. Nothing makes sense.

 Confused, Ivar tilts his head while the lift is going up. "Where are we going?" Sven doesn't react to his harsh tone, just repeating his reply from earlier. "I'm following orders, Sir. I am walking you to where your mother ordered me to walk you." He doesn't utter another word, getting out of the elevator as soon as the door opens.

 Ivar tightens his grip on his crutch and follows him to what seems to be a hotel room. Or more specifically, and as it's written on the door, the executive suite. More and more bewildered, he watches Sven swiftly knocking on the door before using a card key to unlock it. Holding it open, the chauffeur steps aside, "I've been asked to tell you that the sunroom is over there," waving his hand slightly to the left, Sven then gives a slight nod to an astounded Ivar, "I now take my leave, Sir. I wish you a delightful evening."

  As Ivar slowly crosses the living room, the slight thud of his crutch on the hardwood floor alerts you of his presence. Shivering with excitement and your heart pounding in your chest, you struggle but don't move, don't say a word; not yet.

 Taking a tentative step into the sunroom, which, he's sure of it, offers during daytime a breathtaking view on the bay of Kattegat, a dumbfounded Ivar notices the candles first – there are candles everywhere, their soft glow creating an intimate ambience – and then the table for two elegantly set in the middle of the room.

 "What the fuck is going on?" Ivar grumbles, irritation obvious in his voice, and you know it's time for you to show up, or he may leave. Stepping toward him and into the light, you absently rub your sweaty palms up and down your black dress, your heart now beating so hard and so fast you wonder if he can hear it. This is it. The moment you were waiting for, for weeks now. You couldn't be happier, and yet you can't help but be nervous. Could he reject you? You don't think so but with Ivar, you never know… Swallowing the lump in your throat, and even if you can barely breathe, you manage to crack a smile at the exact moment he sets his eyes on you. "Happy birthday, my love, and happy anniversary too."

 Ivar's jaw drops, his eyes widen, and a soft gasp escapes his plump lips. He wobbles for an instant and you quickly close the gap between you and him, steadying him by placing both your hands on his hips. Your touch shaking him out of his stupor, he blinks a few times, his piercing blue eyes never leaving your face. "Y/N, is it… is it really you?" With a trembling voice and tears in his eyes, he stutters, dazed and surprised. "By the gods, what… what are you doing here?" His arm finding your waist, Ivar pulls you closer. There's a whirlwind of emotions on his face, but there's mostly love. You're sure he won't reject you.

 "Did you really think I was going to miss your birthday?" Standing on tiptoes, you give him a long kiss before whispering in his ear, "And I missed you so much, my love."

 Rough fingers caress your face as Ivar looks down at you incredulously. "But… I… I don't understand… I… I thought you were busy with work. But you're here… How?"

 "By plane, obviously," you quip playfully, and your lover rolls his eyes and shakes his head, before suddenly frowning. "That's really a wonderful surprise, Y/N, and I'd love to stay here with you but we… we should go… My mother… I think she's waiting for me, for us… You know, since it's my birthday, she wanted to throw…" Ivar stops talking when it dawns on him that he has been – to his delight – tricked, and you just smile. "Mother never planned a party, did she?"

 It's your turn to shake your head. "No, she never did, you're right. She knew I was coming and since I needed a little help, she agreed to play along. Tonight, it's just you and me, my love." Ivar's eyes sparkling with joy, your smile grows wider. "She's expecting us for lunch tomorrow, though."

 Nodding, Ivar flashes you a beaming smile that falters almost immediately as he shifts his weight from one foot to the other. As he stifles a hiss of pain, you wrap his right arm around your shoulder and your left around his waist. Without a word, you lead him to a corner of the sunroom, help him to sit down on a huge nest chair and finally breathe a sigh of satisfaction as you snuggle into his side.

 His hand running up your arm, Ivar cups your face and looks at you fondly. "You being here with me is the best birthday gift ever." He then kisses you passionately, his hands roaming your back and your fingers threading through his long hair. When he breaks the kiss, he still holds you close and you lean into his warmth, your head resting on his chest.

 "When are you flying back?" Tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, Ivar clenches his jaw as you pull away just enough to look at him. You know he hates the idea of you leaving him once again. You don't have time to answer him as he keeps going. "Guess you'll stay through the weekend, but when is your flight? On Monday morning?"

 A mischievous smile playing on your lips, you wrap your fingers around his hand. "There's no flight, Ivar, not anymore. I'm not going anywhere. I'm afraid you're stuck with me, my love."

 Swallowing, Ivar just stares at you for long seconds, a frown on his confused face. "What… What are you talking about? If this is a joke, it's a very bad one." He eventually manages to say, his bottom lip trembling.

 "I swear it's not a joke." You reassure him as you readjust your position, straddling him carefully. Your thumb stroking his cheek, you give him a quick peck before explaining yourself. " I hate our current situation, and I know you do too. I don't want to live like this anymore, between two flights, between two countries. I don't want to miss you anymore. My life is with you, my love. And since you can't exactly relocate the Lothbrok Company, it's up to me to move, which I'm happy to do."  

 Dumbstruck, Ivar remains speechless for a long time, but you can tell by the smile on his lips that he's thrilled by the news. Tilting his head, he finds his voice again. "You are serious? Wow! You do realize you'll have to find a new job, learn another language? That's not nothing."

 "Actually," you place your hands flat on his chest, "I've already found a job. Floki still has strong connections here, did you know that? On the same day I made up my mind, he was already making calls. He has been amazing, truly! I start working in a rehab clinic within a fortnight. As for the language…", you stop and inhale deeply before saying hesitantly, "jeg er allerede begyndt at lære dansk." Ivar's wry smile tells you that your pronunciation could have been better, but you don't mind. It's a first step. "Anyway," you exclaim, beaming, "You know me, I love a challenge!"

 "I just can't fucking believe it!" Ivar shines with happiness and it melts your heart. His next question, though, makes you wince internally. Because on that particular point, you're suddenly afraid you've put the cart before the horse.

 "Where are you going to live?"

 Lowering your gaze, you begin to fidget nervously. "I…", you clear your throat, closing your eyes, "I was thinking… well… Maybe I could… I don't know if…" As soon as you realize you're getting nowhere, you stop; you know you have to muster up the courage to be straightforward. Releasing a short sigh, you tilt your head up. "I was hoping we could live together. I mean if you want to. It's fine if you don't, I'll rent an apartment."

 Literally thunderstruck, his eyes fixed on you, Ivar swallows loudly. "You… You…" He stammers, an incredulous expression on his face. "You want to live with… with me?"

 As you nod while muttering under your breath "Only if you want to," a broad smile spreads over his lips and he blinks a few times. "Of course, I do. But you do know that", his sheepish look is unmistakable, "I'm not exactly easy to live with, right?"

 Relief floods through you and you burst out laughing as you remember what he put you through when you were his physical therapist. "I do know you, my stubborn, grumpy, short-tempered and moody lover! And guess what, my love? I wouldn't want you any other way. Plus, as I said, I love a good challenge!"

 Without even trying to hide his elation, Ivar throws his arms around your waist, giggling, "It's a deal, then," before peppering light kisses all over your face. His mouth barely an inch from yours, he's about to kiss you as your stomach rumbles. Embarrassed, you want to hide your face but Ivar, all smiles and laughing eyes, grasps your hands, squeezing them. "Guess we should feed you."

 Checking your watch, you stand up reluctantly. "Actually," you point at the table behind you, "we should be served a meal in less than five minutes." Reaching out, you grab Ivar's left hand as he hauls himself to his feet, handing him his crutch once you're sure he found his balance.

 Now towering over you, Ivar gives you a thank-you smile. "So, tell me Y/N, what's the plan for tonight? Besides dinner, I mean." The naughty grin adorning his features tells you the answer he's hoping for.

 "Well," you can't resist teasing him, "I was thinking maybe we could take an after-dinner walk on the shore afterwards, and later, there's this wonderful documentary about penguins I wouldn't want to miss, so yeah, that's the plan."

 "Ooooh, look at you!" You can't help but laugh your head off as Ivar's smile falters, a crease forming between his eyebrows and pouty lips shouting his displeasure. "I'm just kidding, my love," you soothe him, your thumb grazing his mouth, "there's this whirlpool-bath I'm dying to try in the bathroom if you're up for it. And after that, I'm going to make love to you, my birthday boy." Ivar's breath hitches as your hands squeeze his butt cheeks playfully. "And then we'll sleep. And tomorrow we'll go and have lunch with your mother. And when we're done there, you'll…" Overwhelmed with emotion, you stop, your eyes filling with tears.

 "I'll…?" Ivar asks as a crooked smile tugs at his lips.

 You swallow away the lump in your throat, intertwining your fingers with his. "You'll take me home, won't you?"

 There are tears in his eyes as well, but when Ivar nods, the smile that flashes over his face is a wide, shining one. "Yes, my love, I'll take you home."

 🛡⚔️🛡

@honestsycrets​ @lisinfleur​ @waiting4inspiration​ @saldelys​ @gearhead66​ @inforapound​ @readsalot73​ @milkkygirls​ @xbellaxcarolinax​ @shannygoatgruff​ @zuxiezendler​ @a-mess-of-fandoms​ @hecohansen31​ @lonewolf471​ @ivarthebloodyking​ @fuckindiva​ @tgrrose​ @didiintheblog​ @peachyboneless​ @funmadnessandbadassvikings​ @ethereallysimple​ @destynelseclipsa​ @coco2315​ @mlchael-guerin​ @pieces-by-me​ @xceafh​

[soupthatistohot]

Sk8 headcannons because brainrot pt. 6

- Langa learned how to make his own Canadian poutine, and it’s one of the few recipes that he has mastered since coming to Okinawa

- Kaoru cut his hair off in a fit of anger right after high school, but his hair always grew quick fast so he was back to his desired length within a few years (it was soon after this that he mellowed out, started his buisiness, and re-evaluated some of his life)

- Oka has an impeccable gaydar and knew the exact moment that he saw Reki and Langa being all chummy together that they were gonna end up being a couple

- Miya’s first RPG game was Pokémon Pearl, he bought it used from a store when he was five years old.

- I said in a previous post that Kojiro was a pokémon kid... so when he finds out that Miya also likes pokémon....

- when Reki and Langa go to Canada together for the first time, Reki will not admit that he is cold, even when he’s visibly shivering violently.

- Kojiro’s nickname of “Joe” came about when he went to Italy. He adopted a more westernized name when he was there to make interactions with people easier.

- whenever Langa gets hot, he lifts the hair at the base of his neck up to try to cool down a little

- when Reki and Langa start dating, Reki still calls Langa "dude" and "bro" but there's also some pet names mixed in there.

- Kojiro is shirtless around Kaoru as much as possible for two reasons, 1) because it pisses him off 2) because he likes showing off (and little does he know Kaoru is only pissed off because he has a hard time not staring too much)

- and when I say as much as possible, I mean as much as possible. Kojiro doesn't do it at Sia, even after hours, just because that's his place of work, but virtually anywhere else somewhat private is fair game. Especially Kojiro's apartment. He'll cook them late-night dinners sometimes after "S" (because Kaoru demands food) and he will cook shirtless with only a pair of sweatpants on Kaoru will bicker about it with him until the food is done

- Miya and Reki eventually bond over having friends that left them alone, it's late one night at "S" when they get on the conversation topic somehow, and both are kinda tired so they just sit and talk about it while the others are racing. For Miya it's really therapeutic since he's never had anyone to talk about it with, and Reki's just happy the kid opened up to him a bit. After, he ruffles his hair and they get to bickering and teasing by the time the others get back.

- Langa knows how to ice skate decently well, living in a cold climate and all. This also means he knows how to rollerblade.

- Both Kojiro and Kaoru suck at rollerskating/rollerblading. They go together one evening as teens thinking that the other will fail royally and that they'll be fine, but they both end up sucking and falling all over each other. This may or may not have contributed to Kojiro's bi awakening.

- Miya likes bubble tea, Reki is impartial, and Langa doesn't like it. He can't stand the tapioka's consistency.

- Reki played Minecraft when it was popular, though he wasn't particularly good at survival mode. It was still fun though, he always tried to tame as many wolves as possible and mourned every one of his dog's deaths.

- Langa keeps his apartment key on a lanyard, it'd get lost otherwise (something he found out the hard way when he was in middle school)

- Reki has one of those really disorganized wallets that's just absolutely stuffed to the brim with random coupons. He has a rewards card for, like, every single local store, too.

- Kojiro cracks his knuckles (and various other bones) and it pisses Kaoru the hell off. He knows the "you'll get arthritis" argument has no basis in science, but he uses it anyway. Sometimes it gets them talking about how they'll still be bothering each other in old age, and neither of them will admit the fact that they're kind of happy that they think they're going to stick around for the other's entire life

- there's a lot of mutual pining for adult matchablossom, but highschool? That shit's complicated.

- like Kojiro probably had a big fat crush on Kaoru, but he thought he was straight so he was completely unaware of it

- meanwhile Kaoru had a thing for Kojiro, then he fell head over heels for Adam, and sometime after Adam left the picture his interest in Kojiro resurfaced (just in time for him to go to Italy!)

- Miya had a bowl cut at one point in time. He hated it.

- Reki thought "your mom" jokes were funny in elementary school

- Kojiro thought "your mom" jokes were funny in high school

- Kaoru despised "your mom" jokes.

- Shadow was really mild-mannered in high school, he was always the teacher's pet even if his grades weren't the best. He was always good at science, especially biology and Earth science. He started college but dropped out because of financial issues.

- Kaoru totally thought about dying his hair black in high school, but Kojiro talked him out of it, and probably inadvertently complimented his hair in the process of doing so (and that's why Kaoru didn't change it).

- Reki LOVES snapchat filters, and only has the app for that reason. He does not send or recieve snaps, and has no friends on it. Reki always ropes Langa into taking selfies with him with the filters on, and Langa couldn't care less but thinks its nice to have some cute pictures with Reki.

- Miya goes to Reki's house once and lets Koyomi put nail polish on his fingers. He doesn't hate it.

- Reki's mom also offers to feed Miya a meal that is definitely not on his athlete diet, but he feels like he can't refuse the woman, so he just cheats for the night and enjoys his dinner.

- Reki's mom can tell that her son just totally adopted this sassy middle schooler as a younger brother and thinks it's the absolute sweetest thing in the world

- Kaoru started wearing yukatas when he made his calligraphy business, and found that they were actually quite comfortable, so he wore them in his daily life too.

- Langa has done shots of hot sauce at Reki's and Miya's insistence

[starblaster]

Strange thing reading the carrd, not discourse just a question since there's no 'heres why'. Why is Detroit;Become Human irredeemable media? I've never really seen or played it but I've never seen discourse for it either.

i'll try to be as straightforward as possible here: that game is antiblack, antisemitic, overly sympathetic to its cop characters, and (like all of david cage's other games) awful to its women characters. the summer it came out, i watched a commentary-less walkthrough of it because i'd seen the kara demo thing in 2013, had recently watched a walkthrough of beyond two souls and hated it, and thought 'this ‘detroit’ game might be a trainwreck, let’s see how bad it is' and jesus christ. jesus fucking christ. there were so many parts of this game that i was stunned ever made it out of the writing room. the entire thing is such a flaming hot mess and, if they’d employed a competent sensitivity reader at any point during development or production, i guarantee you that they would’ve told the creators to scrap the entire thing and start over with any concept that didn’t rely on blatant references to chattel slavery or the holocaust.

markus is basically an uncle tom caricature; he is an android servant made to look like a black man (and he's far from the only black character who is literal property in this game); he serves an elderly white man and defends his master's life at the cost of his own. he then goes on to become the leader of an 'android revolution' that players can either decide is 'peaceful' or 'violent' while playing markus' story. david cage was literally like 'look, markus can be like mlk or he can be like malcolm x and fred hampton'. it's disturbing and wholly disrespectful to real-life black revolutionaries; the game steals imagery from actual black power and liberation movements, such as a raised fist—coupled with downward-facing triangles! antiblack theft of iconography paired with holocaust imagery... all the androids, connor most prominently, were all designed with armbands and triangles built into their clothing (alongside numbers) to signify that they are androids... which, again, is wildly insensitive holocuast imagery. also, they explicitly have concentration camps in this game. that’s what they call the recall and recycling centers. not a joke.

when kara and alice escape northward to canada, they are sent to rose, a black woman who lives on a farm with her son. here, rose references the underground railroad, chattel slavery, and segregation, insinuating that she’s doing the same thing for androids—and, mind you, this game was produced (sophie buhl), designed (simon wasselin), directed (david cage), and written (adam williams) by white people. rose’s son doesn't think his mother should be risking her life for androids, while she considers it to be her moral responsibility—again, at the potential cost of their lives, their home, or their other property—and, during this part of kara’s story, the cops show up and search their home. the home inspection scene is not only explicitly depicting a cop invading a black family’s house but is scarily reminiscent of gestapo searches. they were all clearly aware that this would evoke those images in peoples’ minds. this is a purposeful choice. additionally, this scene, which requires serious content warnings for antiblack police violence, features connor the cop yelling at and verbally degrading three black androids before gunning one of them down for being a deviant (or ‘rogue’ android who possesses free will). it doesn’t stop here, either, there are dozens more grievances against d:bh that i could air but, if i did, this post would grow impossibly long.

david cage acts like it's impossible to write good robot fiction about personhood and autonomy without drawing comparisons to slavery, the holocaust, or real-world human tragedies and oppression. it’s absolutely one of the most vile and objectively horrible videogame stories ever written, not to mention plain fucking uninspired and dull. fans of detroit: become human who have somehow failed to see all of this are fucking kidding themselves and are also probably ignoring (if not actively silencing) the black and jewish people who have been explaining to everyone why this game is so fucked up, antiblack, and antisemitic since its release. fuck david cage, fuck adam williams, fuck quantic dream, and fuck every d:bh fan.

[hellyeahheroes]

You know, one would think last 5 years taught Damian Wayne fans to not get overly excited for DC trying to hammer him into roles and niches of his siblings like a round peg into a square hole.

@ubernegro​ made once on this blog a post detailing how Damian has been used as means to undermine and dismiss Batfamily in favor of the idea of Bruce and his “true” son and heir and how much of Damian’s character is built around that. I came to conclusion that the dissonance between how fandom sees Damian and how DC is using him comes exactly from this. Fans of Damian want him to be a real personality, someone who can grow and undergo character development. However, DC sees Damian only as a tool to bash rest of Batfam and thus will never give us that - if he can grow as a person it implies he wasn’t already perfect and thus wasn’t by default better than Dick, Tim, Jason, Cass, Duke or whichever Batfam meber the editor hates this week.

When you look at Damian stories from last few years you’ll see that those that are hated by the fanbase try to slot him into a niche of another Batfam member. Benjamin Percy’s teen Titans run tried to show he could fil lthe role of a team leader for other young heroes, a trait associated with Dick and, to a lesser extend, Tim. To the point the book tried to evoke 2003 Teen Titans cartoon, where the team leader was this weird Dick/Tim fusion, with a similair roster. And it went off like a lead baloon because Damian is a different character and fit to this role like a fist to a nose. And at first it could have been an interesting dynamic, with Damian as a wannabe leader whom Starfire needs to keep in check, but it became clear very fast we’re not qallowed to move away from it and see Damian outgrow this - because DC didn’t see him as a character but a way to bash Dick, he was supposed to be perfect and not allowed to grow. Thus he was stuck int oa role he didn’t fit.

Come Adam Glass run, DC decided to make Damian a “better Jason” isntead and we all know how bad it went. We ended with a story trying to outedge the family edgelord so badly Damian ended up committing heoinous crimes some people will never forgive him for and only went downhil from there and again, he wasn’t allowed to learn his lesson and grow because DC wants him to be perfect to show how much “better” he is. It was most ridiculous attempt at making a better edgelord since Marvel replaced Ghost Rider with Vengeance.

And now Damian got the very story arc Cass fandom has been asking DC to give her for 15 years. DC knew very well how important it was to Cass fandom so the fact it was given to Damian does not feel like a coincidence to me, but an attempt for editorial to now try to show how “better” Damian is than Cass. And let’s be real, he already sticks out in this story like a sore thumb, the whole thing needed to plaster Ras’ stupid face all over the story to cover that up. Because once again Damian is forced into a role that doesn’t fit his character for the sole purpose of telling fans of another Batfam member they should like Damian instead purely because DC editorial is spiteful.

And if you think this isn’t gonna be bad for Damian, let me assure you there is mroe than one reason why I keep using the image of Montreal Screwjob to talk about this storyline, every chance I get. You know, this one

Because I assure you, after that shit Shawn Michaels would forever be booed whenever he got on stage in Canada. It was so bad he stated to exploit it whenever played a bad guy, going to Montreal and directly antagonizing the crowds. Only making amends with Brett Heart would fix that. And I feel the same way Cass fans are never gonna forgive Damian until amends are made. We may ever seen him insult Cass if he ever pulls a legit heel turn.

There are good Damian stories and in those he is doing things unique to him. Being Dick’s sidekick, being friends with Jon kent, hanging out with Maps or Colin or Maya. But these are always dismissed whenever DC needs to get off to throwing other Batfam members under the bus. And something tells me this story will be no different - just another attempt to make Damian claim a place he doesn’t belong to.

-Admin

[three-headed-monster]

I COULDNT AGREE MORE. The Adam characterizations are ridiculous. They're so off. No one is shitting on him

THANK YOU ANON

like yes realistically he is not used nearly as effectively as he could be by the coaches and is being scapegoated, i don’t think the team is actively shitting on him?

like i *know* how brandt clarke speaks. sometimes he doesn’t have a brain to mouth filter and blurts out random shit. he didn’t mean what he said about playing cute to hurt either connor or adam. same as shane today saying they were playing too cute. i really don’t think anyone on the team hates him, especially not guys like brennan and connor and shane and brandt who have grown up with him. i really don’t buy the “woe is me everyone on the team hates me and i miss luca” narrative. i think that yes, maybe he’s not having a great time and he does miss his brother, but maybe it’s just the expectation of international competition. he was just like this at u18s too, it’s not surprising to anyone who did any research on that.

i also hate how people are blaming it on the whole “canadian vs american development style and media attention” thing. BIG newsflash for everyone, very few people in canada actually care about the chl and most of their franchises are located in smaller cities to try to promote the sport in those places. really, the only widely covered events are the wjc, hlinka gretzky, and mem cup. that’s it. no one even gives a shit about u18s because most of the players are busy in mem cup runs. the billet thing is also a mute point because literally the ntdp is the same. it makes SENSE that a team that is cultivated for 2 years together basically spending 24/7 with one another is going to have more camaraderie and be more loose with each other. people don’t care enough about chl teams to pay deep attention to them like the umich team or the ntdp because simply most franchises do not have the money to promote their players as much as the colleges and national program do. maybe if anyone actually took a look, they’d realize that yeah they’re pretty alright too. only thing that comes close right now is the steelheads socials.

so like fuck off about the idea that adam only suffers in canada cause all the media is on him and he can’t handle the pressure and blah blah blah. adam played in the noted hockey ignoring city of chicago. he’s used to the pressure.

yes tsn wasn’t kind to him, but deservedly so. he just hasn’t played well. i wish they would use him better but they haven’t and there’s nothing i can do about that. tsn has barely mentioned him as the tournament has gone on too.

still, NO ONE IS SHITTING ON HIM

anyways sorry anon this kinda went on like a tangent, but i’m mad about the adam characterization as a whole. tune in next time for when i tell people it’s absolutely idiotic to think that luca is the only reason adam didn’t stay in toronto!

[brattyfics]

Cape Disappointment | Part One

Pairing: Miguel Galindo x Black!OC [Chantel Williams]

Summary: Miguel doesn’t rescue a damsel in distress because Chantel Williams is not a damsel in distress.

Warnings: None yet.

Chantel Williams was a lot of things. Quirky, witty, sarcastic. Condescending, impulsive, sometimes even chaotic. She could be all those things and more, but she refused to be anyone’s victim.

“I’m not a damsel in distress. I’m not a damsel in distress…” She chanted over and over in a low tone. 

On the side of a low traffic road, snow raining down on her head, Chantel willed the words to be true. Unfortunately, she remembered very little of what her Papa taught her about cars, eyeing the confusing parts under the hood with frustration.

Papa was a school teacher but he worked as a shade tree mechanic on the weekends to be able to afford dance classes for little Chantel. Teaching was his passion through and through. He would talk her ear off in the car on the way to recitals or while she did homework on the bench in his workshop. Being a bratty kid, she learned to tune him out when the topic didn’t interest her and not for the first time she regretted not soaking up more of Papa’s wisdom before he passed. 

If she had, maybe she wouldn’t be stuck on the side of the road with no solution in mind. Empty handed and no closer to fixing the car, she shuffled through the snow. It wasn’t much warmer inside the car despite the thick North Face coat she wore with a matching hat and pair of gloves. She was sure she resembled a wet dog as she shook the snow off, not wanting the ice to melt into water droplets that would surely sting. 

Just a week earlier, she’d splurged on the fanciest new smart phone after losing the older model at a dinner party. Even with all its promised features, it was useless. No signal and no nearby WiFi networks to connect to meant she couldn’t call her sort-of-sometimes boyfriend for help even if she wanted to. She couldn’t even call a tow truck! 

Pride. 

Another one of Chantel’s many traits. She liked to think of it as a positive thing. It kept her from being desperate, saved her from being dependent on others for her happiness. No one else seemed to agree her pride was a good thing. 

Among the naysayers was her sort-of-sometimes boyfriend, Adam. Pride was what had led her to take off from the Yurt they shared on their week-long winter break getaway to race back to her industrial loft in the heart of Seattle despite the weather advisory. She would never admit it to anyone else, but she realized her pride didn’t always serve her well. 

If not for her bruised ego, it would have been funny that her car had chosen to break down a few miles north of Cape Disappointment State Park. It was where she had been staying with Adam. The yurt was too far away to walk back to in the snow but still close enough that it only made sense to stay there for the night once the car issues were resolved. She wasn’t looking forward to ending the night with him. 

Remembering Papa’s belief in God showing up when most needed, Chantel sent up a quick prayer. She really hoped she wouldn’t have to wait long for someone else to come down the otherwise deserted road. Winters in Washington were fairly mild so she wouldn’t lose her extremities to hypothermia or anything crazy like that, but she’d certainly suffer by way of the shivers. 

Any sane person was cuddled up next to the fireplace in their cabin with a bowl of chili, or participating in heat-inducing sexual activities in their yurt to keep warm, not on the road driving. It was only natural for her thoughts to snowball into all the types of un-same people she could run into. 

Indigenous women from Washington and Canada went missing far too often on roads just like the one she had so conveniently broken down on. Chantel had a bad habit of researching everything there was to know about topics when they peaked her interest and she knew too much about human trafficking in the area to not feel a considerable amount of fear. 

“That would be my luck.” She muttered meanly to herself, resolving that whatever happened would be her own fault. 

It wasn’t like a whole lot of people would come looking for her anyway. She had a large group of friends in Seattle, but she kind of had a reputation for taking off without saying much. She hadn’t even told anyone about the weekend excursion to Cape Disappointment! The family she had left she wasn’t close to, and by the time Adam realized she hadn’t made it back home it would be too late. 

Yellow headlights bathed the narrow road, the light blinding her the closer it got. Her hazard lights blinked red, signaling that she was broken down, but Chantel second guessed whether she wanted the help. 

“I’m going to be a sex trafficking victim all in the name of independence. Way to go, idiot.” 

Her fingers fumbled around in the gigantic backpack she’d been using as a purse for the weekend, hastily pulling at the zippers until she found what she was looking for. A purple taser she purchased on Amazon for a whopping ten dollars. She doubted it would stop anyone in their tracks, but it was better than nothing. 

It turned out the man who knocked on her window wasn’t an axe wielding serial murdering rapist, or at least he didn’t appear to be. She tucked the small device into her side as the ridiculously handsome middle aged man with a salt and pepper beard smiled at her through the foggy glass. 

He looked harmless enough, sporting a pair of smart designer glasses and what Chantel knew to be a really expensive cashmere turtleneck sweater underneath an equally expensive Canada Goose coat. She wasn’t shy about looking him up and down as she assessed the risk. What if the male model was a decoy?

His neatly manicured eyebrows twisted down in confusion and she thought it was one of the cutest things she had ever seen. 

She rolled down the window with a nervous smile.

“Hey.”

“Hi.” 

She hated how breathy the words came out but he was truly stunning. 

Tall, fit, well-dressed. 

“Are you alright? It looks like you’re having some trouble.” 

A gentleman.

“What would make you think that?” Chantel spoke before she thought it through, but the stranger didn’t seem to take offense if the amused smirk on his face could be trusted. “I’m kidding. Yeah, no. I’m not alright. The car was making weird noises so I pulled over and now it won’t turn back on. I looked under the hood but I have no idea what’s wrong.”

He nodded attentively while she spoke, watching her lips with interest. She noticed him staring and licked them.

“I don’t know how much of a help I’ll be.” His bronze skin reddened with the admission and she wondered if he was blushing or if the cold was getting to him. “I don’t know anything about cars but I can give you a ride wherever you want.”

She’d like a ride alright. In his cushiony truck that may as well have been a royal carriage considering the circumstances. Or on his handsome bearded face that she couldn’t stop staring at. 

Chantel wondered if he could tell what she was thinking. 

Movement caught her eye and she noticed an identical black SUV pulling off the road to park behind the one Prince Charming departed from. Her hand squeezed around the taser instinctively. 

Was the sexy stranger bait to catch naive, unsuspecting girls? 

“...but I’m sure we’d both rather leave it to the professionals.” He gestured back towards the dark truck and paused, noticing they weren’t alone. Her breath caught in her chest when four bulking men slammed their doors shut and started walking in their direction.

“I apologize. That’s my security team. I left without telling them.” 

Hmm. A kindred spirit. 

Who was he to have a security team? Was he telling the truth? Or just stalling? 

She wanted to believe him. To trust that it was in human nature to help one another without some ulterior, sinister motive. 

Did she even have a choice? How long would she have to wait on the next passerby? There was no guarantee they would be any better than the (so far) kind stranger and his friends.

Chantel Williams was a lot of things, but she was not naïve. With surprising coordination, she swung the door open, knocking the man back several steps. Her boots crunched as she landed in the snow. 

“Back up or I’m going to tase you!” She warned, putting space between herself and the stranger while keeping an eye on the approaching men. 

The corners of his mouth turned up as he fought back a smile. 

Chantel scoffed. He wasn’t taking her seriously. 

“I’m not fucking around!” She insisted, charging up the small device. The buzz felt more powerful than she remembered. The man seemed to think so too, changing his approach. He spoke in a soft tone. “Can we slow down?” 

“Don’t patronize me. Just back up like I said. No, this way!” She ordered until he stood across from her with his back to his men. 

Behind him, they speed up their approach but they could only move so fast in the snow. Following her gaze, the strange man looked over his shoulder and gestured for the men to stall at the front of his truck several feet away. One of them shouted at her to put the taser away from his position. He sported two braids and a cut in his brow. Chantel shouted back at him to ‘shut the fuck up’

Mr. GQ gave another signal and like he was the conductor of an orchestra, all noise ceased. Well, all external noise at least. Chantel swore she could hear the sound of her heart ringing in her ears. 

“Hey!” He demanded her full attention. His hands were up in a defensive position. “What are you looking for here?” 

It was a great question but she had no answer for him.

Trouble maker. Fire starter. Full-time agitator.

Chantel was that way even as a child, responding to normal adolescent teasing with violence. Sharp bites in the classroom or royal rumble style fights on the playground were her specialty in grade school. She made anyone stupid enough to provoke her regret it whether big or small, male or female. That wasn’t to say she was organized or calculating in her plans. She acted and dealt with things as they came. 

She had no idea what the endgame was when she pulled the taser, but she had to stick with it. The crowd of onlookers made her feel more justified in her rash decision.

“I don’t think you really want to hurt me.”

“Now, what would make you think that?” Chantel asked incredulously. He didn’t know her from Eve. 

She was even more steadfast in pointing the taser in his direction but he didn’t seem phased.

“When you want to hurt somebody, you don’t wait around or warn them. You just do it.”

“Are you suggesting I should’ve tased you?”

He shrugged as if they were discussing the weather.

“That certainly would have been more effective.”

Was he serious?

“I mean I still can. If you keep talking I just might.”

He had the gall to laugh in her face. 

Hysterically. 

And it wasn’t fleeting or sarcastic. It was genuine laughter from deep down in his gut. She hated how beautiful he was, even in the middle of showing blatant disrespect for her ability to harm him. 

“Seriously?” She griped, fighting against the way her face muscles twitched. 

Giggle box.

When somebody at church mispronounced a word during the announcements or when her aunt murdered a hit song, she giggled uncontrollably. Papa chastised her for it, but it couldn’t be helped. When the urge struck and she got that itch in her throat, she had to laugh.

So naturally, like two birds of a maniac feather they shared a laugh in four (and counting) inches of snow.

***

GENERAL TAGLIST

@woahitslucyylu @briannab1234 @sheeshgivemeabreak @breakingnewsin-no-oneasked @angelreyesgirl @blessedboo @glimmerglittergirl @apantherinmypastlife @brownsugarcoffy @marvelmaree @starrynite7114 @scuzmunkie @thewarriorprincessxo @sadeyesgf @pearlkitten33 @imanerdychubbyqueen @literaturefeen @ourlittlesecretsoveragain @everyhowlmarksthedead @yourwonkywriter @trulysuccubus

MIGUEL TAGLIST

@thesandbeneathmytoes @taylortheeshowpony

[theg-unit]

we feeling sad today

so here are some angsty head cannons. 

TW:mentions of eating disorders, implied sexual content, drug use/addiction and mentions of sexual assault.

-Shadow went to university and has a degree in horticulture but couldn’t find work, and now works as a florist as a result.

-Miya’s parents both come from wealthy families, but they both only work when they want and as such pressure Miya into a plethora of comps once he starts winning as a way to supplement their extravagant lifestyles. 

-Shadow has been taken advantage of by his manager, and she pressures him to work extra hours in that guilting backstabbing way. shadow hasn't noticed but the rest of the crew have and they actively hate her. Langa and Reki punctured her tires while Miya distracted her.

-Cherry bottles up all his stress and anger and is subsequently really mean to Joe, because he knows that Joe will just sit back and take it. it makes him feel terrible afterwords but he can never figure out the words to apologise with.

-puberty hit Joe like a B-double. as a result he has a bunch of stretch marks that he's really self-conscious about. he wasn't until in their last months together when they first started appearing, Adam made a mean comment about them and Cherry laughed at it, so he keeps any exposed ones hidden with waterproof concealer.

-reki really likes skater skirts and once bought one to try on, but his sisters made fun of him (in that patronising way) and he threw it away and hasn't tried since.

-Langa had a brief drug problem in Canada (mainly MDMA) and it was part of the reason that he and his mum moved. he hasn't told anyone because he knows how stigmatised those kinds of issues are in Japan and he doesn't want to lose them.

-Cherry has definitely snuck money to the Kyan family when Reki’s Hospital bills came in over the healthcare coverage. he remembers visiting joe, being in a struggling household with a bunch of young kids.

-langa develops Bulimia as a result of getting hit by the same B-double puberty truck that hit Joe. He gets a bunch of stretch marks because like many he goes out before he goes up (as a result of his appetite). both at a fast rate. he recovers only once he turns 21. Joe is the only one to know and helps him through it all. 

-Miya gets bullied by his old friends often, and one day they start insinuating really unsavoury things in regards to langa and reki “sharing Miya around”. they even write it on his desk. he’s devastated and withdraws into himself at school, becoming mute around his classmates.

- Langa has a relapse after Reki abandons him and everything with Adam goes down. He gets really high one night and Adam finds him  (due to drones). he assaults Langa and almost r*%#s him before Tadashi finds out and rescues him,  before dropping him to Reki’s house. Reki doesn't let Langa in and Langa has to walk all the way back home at night by himself. no-one finds out until a very drunk snake tells Joe what happened and Langa, after being confronted, breaks down in his and Cherry arms. Joe then almost murders Adam next at S and Cherry slaps Reki across the face.

stay sad hoes, and remember, as long as credit is given, all head cannons/ posts are up for repost/fic adoption to all. across all platforms. feel free to chuck us a request for specific characters or  head cannon extensions. 

kisses xx

[workingforitallthetime]

drawn arrows unseen

part 12 / previous installments/tags

That spring, Mason follows U18 worlds closer than he usually would. He holds the time difference between Ontario and Germany in his head. He texts Connor after games. He reads between the lines of every TSN article, twitching every time somebody calls Adam Fantilli a man among boys, the same thing they always say about Mason. Are he and Connor hanging out? Can Adam pick up his scent?

He wants Connor to win. But he hates that Connor’s winning without him, wearing the jersey without him, racking up his own Ws separate from his and Mason’s perfect 9-0 record together. When Canada loses in the quarterfinals, Mason feels a little patriotic indignation, but mostly relief that it’s over.

After the Memorial Cup, Mason’s agent takes him to dinner, asks him about whether he wants to suit up for Canada at the rescheduled world juniors in August.

“Most guys with a shot at the NHL next season are skipping it.” Patrick bisects the asparagus stalks on his plate with one smooth cut of his steak knife. “Guenther, Power.” He forks up an asparagus tip. “Even Wright.” He looks at Mason with caution on his face. “The timing is…”

“I’m going.” Mason cuts him off. It pops out of his mouth on instinct, so fast it surprises him.

“You played all the way through June this year.” Patrick rests his knife carefully on the edge of his plate. “Have you thought about…”

“I’m going.” He can still feel the bruises from the Mem Cup, the twinge in his knee, the strain in his shoulder. He’s got, what, three weeks? Maybe four? He’ll heal. Fuck an offseason.

“I can talk to Anaheim about it,” Patrick says, skeptically.

Mason picks up his knife and slices through his steak. “Make it happen.”

Later that evening he starts second-guessing himself. What if he gets hurt? What if it fucks up training camp for him, and Anaheim sends him down again? It’s stupid to play in the tournament just because he doesn’t want Connor to do it without him. It’s stupid to put himself right back in the torturous position he was in December, right back in range of Connor’s scent.

Well, at least he can do something about that.

He waits until an opportune water break and asks Giroux if there’s a doctor around town, someone guys go to for dynamic stuff.

G side-eyes him. “What are you looking for?”

“Suppressant.” Mason tips his head forward and squirts water over the back of his neck.

“You going to Hulk out this year?” Giroux smirks. That’s why guys usually go on suppressants. Too many fights, too many of the wrong kind of PIMs. Too many dumb decisions.

Mason drops his water bottle behind the bench. “Something like that.”

He gets a text with a contact later that afternoon. Mason saves Claude Giroux’s number in his phone with a brick emoji because that’s what he smells like.

The doctor asks what his concerns are and Mason tells her he’s going to world juniors next month.

“Are you due for a rut?” the doctor asks, typing away.

“Could be.” Mason doesn’t even know what due means or how he’d tell. “More like I don’t want anything to trigger it.”

The doctor nods. She explains how the drug works, pointing her pen at the bar graphs on a slick brochure she unfolds. 

“It’s going to dull your reactions, but it won’t have much effect on your dynamic traits. Nobody with a dynamic is going to mistake you for a beta.” The doctor half-laughs, like it’s an absurd possibility to begin with. “There are some topical products that can help if you’re concerned about masking your scent, but they’re not subtle. Should we talk about that?”

“Nope.” Mason’s not worried about that. Connor can’t smell him. 

The doctor circles various chunks of text on the brochure, asking him about shots and pills and implants. “Gimme the shot,” Mason says immediately, rolling up his sleeve. No evidence, no pills on the counter of their hotel bathroom.His shoulder throbs as the doctor slowly injects the suppressant into his muscle. He cherishes the discomfort. It feels like a little fuck-you to his body. Think you can control me? Sucker. He’s going to go to world juniors and he’s going to win another seven games with Connor and he’s going to sleep peacefully with the scent of ice and cedar all around him.

(next)

[megandzane]

"I get that Harry has a lot of unresolved issues but what I don't get is why he's so adamant in wanting to show the world how much he hated his old life - the only life he ever knew, when we all know that he and Meghan would have stayed if they were allowed to as evidenced by the Megxit manifesto. Wasn't that Sandringham showdown meant for them to fight for their roles as half-in, half-out royals? Royalty was okay then but when you're not given what you wanted, you're suddenly trapped all your life? They supposedly moved away to get away from it all but it seems that they carried all that baggage with them and can’t seem to leave it behind. It's pitiful. Are you really happy like you claim to be if you seem to be stuck in 2020?"

Thoughts on this? Is this comment even accurate? I saw one reply to this saying that it's not profitable to leave their emotional baggage behind that's why he in particular can't seem to let it go. Were they even paid for the Oprah interview and the documentary? I also think it's unfair that most of the negative comments didn't take what he went through seriously just because he's a prince. They're even making fun of the tagline (the not as the Prince I was born bit).

They are just trolls ( the fact that they call their exit M*gxit makes that clear). It’s someone who is upset that Harry choose a black woman. Or maybe they are just obsessed with the fantasy world of the royals and don’t want Harry ruining that for them idk. Harry has every right to tell his story. Maybe this is part of his healing processes. I haven’t heard him trash his old life, he’s sharing his experiences. And yes, sometimes that means sharing how unhappy you were at times. Them not being payed for the Oprah interview and the profits of his book going to charity, make me think this is something they are doing for closure.

Who cares if that’s the only life he knew, he was trapped in a very toxic and very abnormal life from birth. He’s not the only one to share his grievances with the institution.

His family was going to stand by and let his pregnant wife kill herself. How some folks don’t factor this into the changing dynamics is beyond me.

I don’t know if they really would have stayed even if the family had agreed to the part-time royals model. We don’t know what those negotiations were like, but they stressed that they wanted to support the queen. Even back in 2015 Harry admitted he thought about leaving / stepping back but stayed for his grandmother. I think she was what might’ve caused hesitation to do a clean break.

I think it’s important to note that those were their initial plans, but that clearly changed. That was before they were abused and thrown to the wolves. Prior to stepping a back they were thinking of living elsewhere in a commonwealth country such as Canada, that sounds like they were trying to find ways to distance themselves from that toxicity or work around a system they felt trapped in.

Meghan said she signed up for this for life when she got married. But she was under the impression that she would be protected in the way other royal women are. She was under the impression thar her babies wouldn’t be treated like illegitimate children. She was under the impression that she wouldn’t be isolated and denied treatment if she was suicidal. They said that lack of support was one of the big reasons they left.

Harry said they were trying to be as diplomatic as possible in the Oprah interview to leave the door open for reconciliation. After the family smeared Meghan in the lead up he was a lot more open. But it’s never been a secret that Harry was always kinda the reluctant royal. Even years Prior to Meghan he’s never hidden how much he wished to be normal. But I don’t think he ever realized that there was a way out.

Being privileged doesn’t mean you’re immune to pain. And the whole prince thing is unfair, he never asked to be born into that role.

None is these people know Harry personally, who he was while on the job is going to be different than who he is as a private citizen. How do they know he’s changed if they don’t know him personally??

[lumosinlove]

Sweater Weather Roster Description:

(So I probably definitely forgot some things. There’s a lot of complicated matching up that went into this. But, regardless, I wanted to post it, so we’ll fix and add as we go! <3)

James Potter: (Pots, Pothead, Potty)

Position: Left Wing, First Line

Number: 7

Years In The League: 7—drafted, no college.

Previous Teams: None

Description: 25. 6’1”. Dark brown hair, hazel eyes, white. Can usually be seen wearing whatever Lily buys him. Known on the team for being a joker, but also someone you can go to for any reason. Hyper.

Nationality: American. Hometown: Boston, MA.

S/O: Girlfriend, Lily Evans.

Closest to on the team: Sirius Black and Sergei Ivanov, but basically everyone.

Rooms With: No one

Sits with on the bus/plane: Sirius Black

Lives With: Girlfriend Lily Evans

Injury: Multiple concussions

Puck Personality Fun Fact: Putting his contacts in, because he usually wears glasses, gets him really into the game mode. His favorite food is treacle tart, which he had when he took his girlfriend Lily to England—now she makes it for him on his birthday.

Favorite Moment On Team: When he told them that he and Lily were pregnant and they all celebrated.

Superstition: He has to call his girlfriend, Lily, before every game.

Warm Up Song: Eye of the Tiger

What the announcers say when he scores: “Aaaaannndd Potter is wheeling tonight!!”

~

Sirius Black: (Padfoot, Cap, Captain)

Position: Center, First Line

Number: 12

Years In The League: 6—First pick overall, no college.

Previous Teams: None

Description: 24. 6’3”. Black hair, gray eyes, white. Hair gets really fluffy in humidity and it drives him insane. Short hair, curls above his ears. Loves a good backwards hat. One of the strongest on the team.

Nationality: French-Canadian. Hometown: Montreal, Canada.

S/O: Remus Lupin—secret.

Closest to on the team: James Potter and Adam Fox and William LeBlanc

Rooms With: No One

Sits with on the bus/plane: James Potter

Lives With: No one

Injury: Badly broken ankle, one mild concussion

Puck Personality Fun Fact: He had a very hard time coming up with one, so James chose one for him. He pretends to hate the rookies, but will drop literally everything for anything they need. He’s also really bad at taking his pre-game nap.

(Pascal Dumais from the background: “He does not understand household chores!” “Shut up, Dumo!”)

Favorite Moment On Team: His first game after deciding to stand up to his mother about getting a trade. He could finally relax, and enjoy himself. When he scored the first goal, he let his teammates celebrate with him.

Superstition: There are so many. There are too many. Has to go out onto the ice last, has to have a butter and honey toasted sandwich before the game at 5:00 pm, has to do his stretches in a certain order, has to put on and sharpen his left skate first. Cannot even talk about the Cup without freaking out. Will wear the same gross hat until it literally reeks if they’re on a hot streak.

Warm Up Song: Doesn’t really have one.

What the announcers say when he scores: “Seriously!!! That is one serious goal!!” “That Black back-hander will kill a fella!”

~

Finn O’Hara: (Harzy, Fish)

Position: Right Wing

Number: 17

Years In The League: 3. Went to Harvard College.

Previous Teams: None

Description: 23. 6’0’’. Dark red hair, luscious and fluffy. White. Wavy. Light freckles. Brown eyes. Is a single eyebrow raiser. Habit of saluting. More on the slender side of muscle. Is a bit of a worry-wart. Super sarcastic.

Nationality: American. Hometown: New York, New York.

S/O: June Calder—sort of.

Closest to on the team: Logan Tremblay and Leo Knut and Olli Halla

Rooms With: Timmy Jones

Sits with on the bus/plane: Kasey Winter

Lives With: Leo Knut

Injury: Two bad concussions in college.

Puck Personality Fun Fact: He wanted it to be that he’s real fucking good in bed, but it’s that he likes eating grilled cheese with strawberry jam because his older brother, Alexander, used to make it for him all the time when they were kids.

Favorite Moment On Team: Probably that one team dinner where Blizzard got drunk and tried to swim in a fountain. Or when he found out that Logan also got drafted to the Lions the year after him.

Superstition: Has to have a grilled cheese and strawberry jam before every game. Has to tape his own sticks on the bench. Has a handshake with Logan they do before walking down the tunnel.

Warm Up Song: Hollaback Girl, Gwen Stefani

What the announcers say when he scores: “OOOOOOOO’HARA HOW DARA!! WHAT A GOAL!”

~

Timmy Jones: (Timmers)

Position: Defenseman

Number: 62

Years In The League: 10. Went to Boston University

Previous Teams: New York Islanders

Description: 31. 6’1”. Black hair, braided, reaches his shoulders and he likes to tie it up sometimes, hazel eyes. Black. One of the most popular jerseys because he’s such a crowd pleaser always riling them up and talking to fans through the glass. He’s also one of the biggest Instagram users and is always posting really funny locker room videos.

Nationality: Canadian. Vancouver, Canada.

S/O: Single

Closest to on the team: Olli Halla and William LeBlanc and Thomas Walker

Rooms With: Finn O’Hara

Lives With: Olli Halla

Sits with on the bus/plane: Olli Halla

Injury: Fractured foot a few years ago.

Puck Personality Fun Fact: Kasey’s rival for best hair in the league. Famous for his crazy cellys

Favorite Moment On Team: Conference Finals! And when all the boys touch Moody’s leg for good luck.

Superstition: Has a lucky towel that no one is allowed to wash.

Warm Up Song: Where are Ü Now, Jack Ü, Skrillex, Justin Bieber

What the announcers say when he scores: Timmers strikes again!!

~

Olli Halla: (Olli)

Position: Defenseman

Number: 5

Years In The League: 10, Undrafted.

Previous Teams: Winnipeg Jets.

Description: 6’2”. 32. Very, very blonde hair, nearly white. Pale blue eyes. Cute little nose. Cannot grow a beard to save his life. Total baby-face. Is sort of shy and awkward. What a sweetheart.

Nationality: Finish. Hometown: Helsinki, Finland.

S/O: Single.

Closest to on the team: Timmy Jones and Finn O’Hara

Rooms With: Elias Cook

Lives With: Timmy Jones

Sits with on the bus/plane: Timmy Jones

Injury: Concussion, twice. A few bruised ribs.

Puck Personality Fun Fact: Wins the pre-game team kick-around almost every time. Brings awareness to charities that contribute to doing research on the brain and brain injuries. 

Favorite Moment On Team: When the team welcomed him back from his pretty serious concussion (he missed nearly a year) by all wearing the number 5 out on the ice during warm ups.

Superstition: Wears his cross and says a small prayer after the national anthem. Also has to play in the kick-around.

Warm Up Song: Replay, Iyaz

What the announcers say when he scores: (G)oooooolllliiiii!

~

Brady Smith: (Smitty)

Position: Right Wing

Number: 92

Years In The League: 10. Drafted.

Previous Teams: Washington Capitals

Description: 28, 6’3”. Black hair, blue eyes. Black. The sweetest person you will ever meet in your life. Is adored by all of the hockey wives and girlfriends. Can speak Spanish and (ofc) German. Has a tattoo he has on his back shoulder blade of the Stanley Cup which he won with the Washington Capitals. The cup says his wife and two kid’s names on it with room for more—this man loves his babies.

Nationality: German. Hometown: Berlin, Germany, where his mother is from, but moved to the Boston, MA when he was 15 years old—where his father is from.

S/O: Married to his wife Allison, and they’re expecting their third child. Their first is a boy named Max, their second a boy named Noah.

Closest to on the team: Evgeni Kuznetsov and Jackson Nadeau.

Lives With: His family

Sits with on the bus/plane: Evan Kane

Rooms With: Evan Kane

Injury: Frequently separates his shoulder :(

Puck Personality Fun Fact: He’s part of the Lions’ power play. Is actually a really good tattoo artist and has inked Kris Lavolie and Evgeni Kuznetsov. He gave Kris the date of his daughter’s birth, and he gave Evgeni a tiger on his left bicep.

Favorite Moment On Team: He really loved when Sirius became Captain. He felt a shift in their team’s drive.

Superstition: Has to read the note his son wrote him a few years ago.

Warm Up Song: Anything Drake

What the announcers say when he scores: Braaaddyyy Smith! What a goal!

~

Pascal Dumais: (Dumo)

Position: Center

Number: 9

Years In The League: 24, drafted first overall.

Previous Teams: New York Rangers, Colorado Avalanche.

Description: 41. 6’1’’. Brown hair, cut pretty short but brushes up at the front or superman curl.  White. Hazel/green eyes, dark eyelashes and brows. Scruffy beard always. Is the dad of the team. Well tell anyone who asks the hilarious stories of when Sirius lived with him.

Nationality: French Canadian. Hometown: Montreal.

S/O: Celeste Dumais, wife. And four children. Adele (13), Louis (10), Marc (9), and Katie (7).

Closest to on the team: Logan Tremblay and Sergei Ivanov.

Lives With: His wife and four kids—and Logan of course.

Rooms With: No one

Sits with on the bus/plane: No one, he enjoys the peace and quiet (not that anyone gives him any)

Injury: Broken wrist. Bruised ribs. Mild concussion. Lost too many teeth to count.

Puck Personality Fun Fact: The BIGGEST prankster on the team. Loves fine wine.

Favorite Moment On Team: Whenever the crowd chants “Duuummmooooo,” or the first time Sirius smiled.

Superstition: Slaps Sergei’s ass before they walk down the tunnel. No one knows why.

Warm Up Song: Eight Days A Week by The Beatles

What the announcers say when he scores: "Pascal Dumais everybody! One of the oldest in the league—he’s still got it!”

~

Logan Tremblay: (Tremzy, [Finn: Lo])

Position: Right Wing

Number: 10

Years In The League: 2. Went to Harvard College.

Previous Teams: None.

Description: 22. 5’9’’. Dark brown hair, long enough to be wavy and always wearing a snapback. Green eyes. Light freckles. White. Always sinfully tan. Really broad and strong. Those arms and chest muscles damn. Really dark, long eyelashes. Clean shaven. Really loud, always mildly grumpy. Flirts with EVERYTHING. 

Nationality: French Canadian. Hometown: Rimouski, Quebec, Canada.

S/O: Single…..

Closest to on the team: Leo Knut, Finn O’Hara, and Pascal Dumais, Thomas Walker.

Lives With: Pascal Dumais

Rooms With: Leo Knut

Sits with on the bus/plane: Leo Knut

Injury: He broke a finger and a foot and frequently has black eyes from fights.

Puck Personality Fun Fact: Has a fleur-de-lis necklace that he never takes off. Spends his summers in Nice, France where his mother is from. Bites his nails.

Favorite Moment On Team: Playing with Finn again.

Superstition: Says he isn’t superstitious but he is. Won���t touch the kick-around soccer ball before he decides to play. Has a handshake with Finn they do before walking down the tunnel.

Warm Up Song: Whatever It Takes, Imagine Dragons.

What the announcers say when he scores: “Scooorree!!! Oh, the tremble before Tremblay!”

~

Thomas Walker: (Talker, Walkie-Talkie)

Position: Defenseman —also an enforcer.

Number: 43

Years In The League: 8. University of Wisconsin.

Previous Teams: None.

Description: 30, 6’2”. Short hair, brown eyes, one of the most ripped guys on the team. Black. Pierced ears, usually small gold hoops. Takes them out for play. The Lions organization does a segment with him called Walkie-Talkie where he goes around the locker room and interviews his team mates with funny questions.

Nationality: American. Hometown: Chicago, IL.

S/O: Single

Closest to on the team: Timmy Jones and Adam Fox and Logan Tremblay.

Lives With: No one

Rooms With: Adam Fox.

Sits with on the bus/plane: Anyone who wants to CHAT.

Injury: Broken foot, some broken fingers.

Puck Personality Fun Fact: He got his nickname Talker because he never shuts up on the ice. Starts a lot of fights. 

Favorite Moment On Team: When Kasey jumped in the fountain.

Superstition: Needs to take a three minute nap between periods. He puts a towel over his head right in his stall and literally falls asleep for three minutes. (James: it’s fucking weird”)

Warm Up Song: Top hits, just needs the background noise.

What the announcers say when he scores: “Goal!!! He just walks right up there, don’t he?”

~

Sergei Ivanov: (Vans)

Position: Defenseman 

Number: 55

Years In The League: 23, Drafted, no college.

Previous Teams: Pittsburgh Penguins, Colorado Avalanche, Vegas Golden Knights.

Description: 40. 5’11”. Light brown-gray hair—was blonde, losing it at the front a little.  White. Really stern blue eyes that transform and crinkle when he smiles (but it’s hard to get a real smile out of him, and the boys feel really accomplished when they do).

Nationality: Russian. Hometown: Omsk.

S/O: Anya. They have three daughters: Aleandra (10), Evenlina (8), and Katya (7).

Closest to on the team: Kris Lavolie and Pascal Dumais and James Potter

Lives With: His wife and children.

Rooms With: No one.

Sits with on the bus/plane: Kris Lavolie.

Injury: Shoulder injury

Puck Personality Fun Fact: Loves classical music

Favorite Moment On Team: One of his daughters was born the same night he got his first hat-trick. Some of the team came to the hospital with him.

Superstition: Stops at a Church on his way to the rink everyday for a few quiet moments.

Warm Up Song: He doesn’t have one, he prefers to talk to everyone instead.

What the announcers say when he scores: SERGEI SCORES!

~

Jackson Nadeau: (Nado)

Position: Left Wing

Number: 58

Years In The League: 8. Went to College but didn’t finish.

Previous Teams: Chicago Blackhawks 

Description: 26, 6’0”. Dark brown hair, chin length and straight, blue eyes. White. Is very laid back and a big flirt. Has cheek bones that could kill and a very stark scar running down one of them from a skate in the face.

Nationality: French Canadian. Victoria, Canada.

S/O: Single

Closest to on the team: Evgeni Kuznetsov and Brady Smith

Lives With: Evgeni Kuznetsov

Rooms With: Evgeni Kuznetsov

Sits with on the bus/plane: Evgeni Kuznetsov

Injury: Skate to the face, other minor things.

Puck Personality Fun Fact: Rival with Evgeni for most pick ups on the team. Has many tattoos—one full sleeve, working on the other.

Favorite Moment On Team: Probably when Evgeni got traded, he found his best friend.

Superstition: Has a handshake with Evgeni.

Warm Up Song: He won’t tell you up front but Hamilton.

What the announcers say when he scores: Rapidly repeating “Nadeau, Nadeau, Nadeau!!!”

~

Evgeni Kuznetsov: (Kuny)

Position: Center. Enforcer.

Number: 86

Years In The League: 10. Drafted.

Previous Teams: Anaheim Ducks, Calgary Flames, Buffalo Sabres.

Description: 27. 6’4”. Short cropped light brown hair and puppy-dog brown eyes. Has a slightly chipped front left tooth. White. Very heavy Russian accent, doesn’t speak perfect English and uses this fact to get out of interviews. Is very charming. Literally a giant.

Nationality: Russian. Magnitogorsk, Russia. 

S/O: Single and ready to mingle—or already does mingle. Excessively.

Closest to on the team: Brady Smith and Jackson Nadeau

Lives With: Jackson Nadeau 

Rooms With: Jackson Nadeau

Sits with on the bus/plane: Jackson Nadeau

Injury: Had to have knee surgery.

Puck Personality Fun Fact: Will tell you he has the most pick-ups on the team, but it might be Nado. He’s always making jokes in Russian that basically only Sergei and Henrik can understand and Sergei just rolls his eyes while Henrik laughs.

Favorite Moment On Team: He loves team dinners, just hanging out with the guys.

Superstition: Has a handshake with Jackson.

Warm Up Song: BLASTS Russian rap.

What the announcers say when he scores: THE RUSSIAN BEAR STRIKES AGAIN!

~

Evan Kane: (Kaner)

Position: Right Wing

Number: 51

Years In The League: Two. Went to College at Boston University.

Previous Teams: Calgary Flames.

Description: 23. 5’11”. Tan skin with freckles and brown eyes, black, short hair. Hispanic. Super strong and holds lots of team workout records. The brightest smile. Eyebrows on point. Loves to read, was an English major at school.

Nationality: American. Hometown: Boston, MA.

S/O: His girlfriend, Caroline Hall.

Closest to on the team: Brady Smith and Elias Cook, and Leo Knut

Lives With: His girlfriend.

Rooms With: Brady Smith

Sits with on the bus/plane: Brady Smith

Injury: Nothing major up to date.

Puck Personality Fun Fact: Wicked fast. One of the fastest in the League.

Favorite Moment On Team: Probably meeting Pascal Dumais. He’s looked up to his playing style for a long time.

Superstition: Tapes his own sticks, sharpens his own skates.

Warm Up Song: Eminem

What the announcers say when he scores: “Yes he Kane!!!”

~

Adam Fox: (Foxy, Sexy)

Position: Defenseman

Number: 32.

Years In The League: 19. Drafted.

Previous Teams: New York Islanders.

Description: 36. 6’2”. White. Light brown hair that pushes up at the front and is shaved close at the sides. Blue eyes that will kill you. 

Nationality: American. Hometown: Boston, MA. 

S/O: Girlfriend, Lucìa Perez.

Closest to on the team: Thomas Walker and Sirius Black

Lives With: His girlfriend.

Rooms With: Thomas Walker

Sits with on the bus/plane: Elias Cook

Injury: Nothing too serious.

Puck Personality Fun Fact: Is constantly made fun of for being the prettiest. Ever.

Favorite Moment On Team: Bringing his girlfriend to her first game.

Superstition: Stretches in a certain order.

Warm Up Song: They boys will tell you it’s SexyBack but it’s actually just heavy metal.

What the announcers say when he scores: “A foxy goal!!”

~

Henrik Sunqvist: (Sunny, Sunshine)

Position: Defenseman

Number: 33

Years In The League: 10. Played in the Swedish league for a while.

Previous Teams: None in the NHL.

Description: 39. 5’11”. Blond hair, cut short, pale blue eyes, white. Warmest smile you’ve ever seen. 

Nationality: Swedish. Hometown: Uppsala.

S/O: Linnea Sunqvist, his wife and their daughter and son, Maja (10) and Hugo (11).

Closest to on the team: Evander Bell

Lives With: His wife and family.

Rooms With: No one

Sits with on the bus/plane: Likes to sit alone with a nice audiobook sometimes.

Injury: Nothing major, a few minor concussions

Puck Personality Fun Fact: Almost never fights, but when he does…ouch. Can speak French and Russian.

Favorite Moment On Team: When he gets to morning practice and has coffee with the boys.

Superstition: Has to do a few somersaults in the locker room—we don’t know why.

Warm Up Song: Russian rap—no one knows why/how he knows Russian so well.

What the announcers say when he scores: “The sun is shining on Sunqvist!"

~

Elias Cook: (Cookie, Crock-pot) 

Position: Left Wing

Number: 29

Years In The League: 7. Drafted.

Previous Teams: Toronto Maple Leafs

Description: 25. 5’11”. Hazel eyes, Black hair, baby curls so cute we love the curls. 

Nationality: Canadian. Toronto.

S/O: Fiancee, Jamie Barrow.

Closest to on the team: Kasey Winter

Lives With: Jamie.

Rooms With: Olli Halla

Sits with on the bus/plane: Adam Fox

Injury:

Puck Personality Fun Fact: Loves spicy food. Once made Sirius cry by daring him to eat some really spicy dish.

Favorite Moment On Team: Listening to ABBA in the locker room.

Superstition: Does a few laps around the hallways. The press love to try to catch him for interviews while he’s doing this.

Warm Up Song: iSpy, KYLE and Lil Yachty

What the announcers say when he scores: “The stove is HOT for Cook tonight!”

~

William LeBlanc: (Bluey)

Position: Center

Number: 44

Years In The League: 3. Drafted.

Previous Teams: SKA Saint Petersburg.

Description: 24 6′1″. Brown hair, wavy, green eyes. White. Goes to Russia during his summers.

Nationality: French Canadian. Sherbrooke. 

S/O: Single

Closest to on the team: Tyler Wright, Sirius Black.

Lives With: No one

Rooms With: Kris Lavolie

Sits with on the bus/plane: Tyler Wright

Injury: Concussion.

Puck Personality Fun Fact: Never learned Russian well, despite playing in the KHL. 

Favorite Moment On Team: When Kasey jumped in the fountain.

Superstition: Has to touch all the boys’ names above their stalls

Warm Up Song: Russian rap.

What the announcers say when he scores: LeGOALLLLL

~

Evander Bell: (Ringer)

Position: Right Wing

Number: 21

Years In The League: 15. Drafted.

Previous Teams: Bruins, Red Wings.

Description: 33. 6’3”. Sandy blond hair and brown eyes. White. Pretty shy, but really kind. Laughs really loudly which then makes himself blush.

Nationality: American. Hometown: L.A.

S/O: His fiancee, Emily.

Closest to on the team: Henrik Sunqvist

Lives With: Emily and his son, Xavier.

Rooms With: None

Sits with on the bus/plane: Likes to sit alone, besides joining the card game.

Injury: Broken wrist.

Puck Personality Fun Fact: Can play the guitar and the piano. Is one of the team’s biggest You Can Play ambassadors (Pascal and Sergei are the other two most active). Always goes to the Gryffindor pride parade.

Favorite Moment On Team: The entire locker room singing We Are Never Getting Back Together. Beginning to see hearts on the glass at the team’s You Can Play Night.

Superstition: Wears the same hat and socks. 

Warm Up Song: Taylor Swift. 

What the announcers say when he scores: “A dead Ringer from Evander Bell!”

~

Kris Lavolie: (Volley)

Position: Defenseman

Number: 11

Years In The League: 3. Went to University of Michigan.

Previous Teams: None.

Description: 24, 6’1”. Dark hair that’s straight and falls to about his chin, brown eyes. White. Broadly built. Kind and a really good listener.

Nationality: French Canadian. Hometown: Quebec City.

S/O: Single

Closest to on the team: Sergei Ivanov

Lives With: His daughter, Aveline.

Rooms With: William LeBlanc

Sits with on the bus/plane: Sergei Ivanov

Injury: Broken rib.

Puck Personality Fun Fact: Kris is a single dad. One of his best friends, Lee, she takes care of his baby girl who is four now while he’s on the road. Sometimes she gets to go stay with Sergei’s family, too. Sergei helps him so much, and he’s thankful for him <3. His daughter’s name is Aveline and he will do ANYTHING for her.

Favorite Moment On Team: Taking his daughter to the Lions’ family skate for the first time.

Superstition: Talk to/call his daughter before every game.

Warm Up Song: XO, Beyoncé

What the announcers say when he scores: “La gooaaaaallll by Lavolie!!”

~

Tyler Wright: (Wrangler)

Position: Defenseman

Number: 8

Years In The League: 

Previous Teams:

Description: 27. 6’2”. Hair that is shoulder length, really dark brown. Blue eyes. Square jaw. Has a bit of a temper on the ice, but is a sweetheart otherwise. Ironically doesn’t like fighting.

Nationality: American. Hometown: Minnesota, Minneapolis.

S/O: His girlfriend, Elsa, who lives in Sweden and is a professional football/soccer player.

Closest to on the team: William LeBlanc

Lives With: No one

Rooms With: No one

Sits with on the bus/plane: William LeBlanc

Injury: Nothing serious.

Puck Personality Fun Fact: Has four dachshunds named Puck, Deke, Gordie, and Stanley.

Favorite Moment On Team: Like many, when Kasey jumped into that fountain. “It was just so fuckin’ out of character, you know?”

Superstition: Has to participate in the kick around, and has to kick the ball last with his right foot.

Warm Up Song: Royals, Lorde.

What the announcers say when he scores: “Wright in the net!”

~

Kasey Winter: (Kase, Blizzard)

Position: Goalie

Number: 30

Years In The League: 8 years. Drafted, no college.

Previous Teams: New York Rangers.

Description: 26. 6’2’’. Light brown hair down to his shoulders. Known for being the most beautiful hair in the league. Softest brown eyes that psych shooters out. Grows a really gorgeous beard whenever the fuck he wants. 

Nationality: Canadian. Home town: Ontario, Canada.

S/O: Girlfriend, Natalie Darcy

Closest to on the team: Elias Cook and Kris Lavolie

Lives With: His girlfriend, Natalie.

Rooms With: No one.

Sits with on the bus/plane: Finn O’Hara

Injury: Torn hamstring.

Puck Personality Fun Fact: Will have his girlfriend braid his hair for practice sometimes. (“You can say what you want, but keeps it out of my face. Good old boxer braids. It’s where it’s at.”)

Favorite Moment On Team: When the team got to the Conference Finals seven years ago.

Superstition: Has to do stretches in a certain order.

Warm Up Song: Wasabi by Little Mix (Thanks, Natalie)

What the announcers say when he makes a safe: “The Blizzard is blinding!” “It’s a squall!”

~

Leo Knut: (Nut, Knutty, Peanut, Peanut-butter)

Position: Goalie

Number: 1

Years In The League: His rookie season, so almost one. No college.

Previous Teams: None.

Description: 18. 6’3’’. Dark blond Hair, pretty wavy and falls over his forehead. Blue eyes. Button nose. Blond eyelashes. Cannot grow a beard to save his life.

Nationality: American. Hometown: New Orleans, Louisiana.

S/O: None….;)

Closest to on the team: Logan Tremblay and Finn O’Hara and Evan Kane

Lives With: Finn O’Hara

Rooms With: Logan Tremblay

Sits with on the bus/plane: Logan Tremblay

Injury: Nothing major.

Puck Personality Fun Fact: Has a small gray-streaked patch of hair by the front of his head from hitting his head really hard when he was little.

Favorite Moment On Team: Well, the first moment he felt most at home was when the rest of the boys started imitating his accent. Logan is the worst at it, but he does it the most.

Superstition: Not very superstitious…yet.

Warm Up Song: Violet, Bad Suns and Love On Top by Beyoncé

What the announcers say when he saves a puck: “Another nuts save for Knut!” “We’re nuts about Knut!” “Right in the nuts!”