#actually this one doesn't really qualify as horror

[evilkitten3]

started playing lieat!

sorry uh. what??

don't listen to him captain he's just trying to keep all the juice for himself

i really hope that's his actual name bc that's really funny

bro stop it she's a baby. you're bullying your magically-assigned surprise egg daughter. stop that

OH THOSE ARE VS OK

shorter than i expected, but i enjoyed it!

[nalyra-dreaming]

Let me use this opportunity of getting weird Loumand anons once more to say something that's been on my mind:

All the bad faith, passive aggressive anon asks (especially those wanting to make the "ships" about the fandom "shipping them" (or not) because of "color" and "racism") I see around piss me off sooooo much.

Lets look at the "ships" we have so far:

Loustat: difficult, at times toxic, later not so much, endgame

Loumand: difficult, at first infatuated, then dead, later healing

Lesmand: difficult, at times insane, obsessive in parts

Devil's Minion: difficult, intense, at times insane, obsessive in parts, endgame

What have all these "ships" in common?

They are canon relationships. And they are difficult.

Two of those are endgame.

Let's dive in (a bit).

Loustat:

At this point not much has to be said about why Loustat are toxic in parts, but that changes - their character journeys are inverted, and they are endgame. Two sides of the same coin. They are "petty and in love" as Jacob called it, and they are "it" for each other, for better or for worse.

Loumand:

Born from Lesmand actually, because Lestat goes to Armand to make him care for Louis (and for Armand's blood), which... works. But the initial infatuation phase, while honest on Louis' side, is based on Armand's fascination with him because of Lestat. He gaslights Louis into loving him. I bet they will be very much shown to be in love, and then the shit will hit the fan and then... Louis will be destroyed, for a long, long time. Qualifies as toxic for me, too, btw. The Loumand in later years, in Trinity Gate (or Dubai?) is a more healing one, one where Louis comes to terms with who he is and what he wants in safe, stable, loving surroundings. And I bet they are freaks in the sheets :P

Lesmand:

Obsessive, and while loving definitely more so from Armand's side than Lestat's. He "imprints" on Lestat when he sees him because Lestat reminds him of Marius, and a lot of Armand's actions are informed by his need for Lestat, and the fact that Lestat upends his world. That said, the fascination itself is mutual, and I bet the show will have them engage in a proper affair.

Devil's Minion:

Wohooo, Daniel, a gift from Louis for Armand!!! Armand shifts full on obsessive and love on Daniel, Daniel, who will become his only fledgling. (And who goes mad for a while, too!) The show has obviously expanded the journey, but I don't think it will change too much - Daniel is the only one Armand could not let die. Talk about love beyond reason or endurance.

ALL OF THESE SHIPS ARE RELATIONSHIPS IN THE VC.

YOU CANNOT PUT A VALIDATION BASED ON SKIN COLOR ON THEM BECAUSE THEY ARE ALL VALID.

And they are canon.

Saying the fandom doesn't "ship" Loumand because of them being POC is just ludicrous.

If you think Louis in Dubai in season 1 is "happy" I don't know what to tell you. We haven't really seen "happy" Loumand yet, and, depending on how they spin it(!) we might not even see it in season 2, though I think they will make it seem as if it is happy and "pure" at first.

But they might throw in the horror of Claudia knowing (and she does, canonically, she tries to warn Louis!) and being ignored by Louis (failing her again) in - in fact, I take the little info of the scenes we have of Sam and Armand filming as precisely that, namely that they make it clear that there is a relationship there as well... and how that relationship enables Loumand.

And then Armand will kill Claudia. And Madeleine.

And Louis will stay with him.

Personally I found later Loumand always very healing, as said. (But, personally(!!!!!!), also a bit boring. I love them, but... writing them (i.e.) does not hold much appeal right now.

But that might change with the upcoming seasons!) But the Loumand in Paris?? Hell, that's not even real, Armand gaslights Louis into loving him, uses his spell gift and mind gift as influence, poor Louis. And it will hurt Louis, incredibly so.

Making it seem as if people, especially people with a background in the books, do not "ship" them because of the actors' skin color... is just...

There's many, many reasons to ship them.

There's many, many reasons not to.

I OBVIOUSLY cannot speak for everyone. But these simplified takes are becoming so tiresome, when there are so many other reasons that need to be considered.

And honestly, as said before, I fully expect parts of this fandom to turn on Armand when he is being himself, when his relationship to Lestat is becoming clear, when his meddling and role in Claudia's death are clear and... can you imagine the outcry when they actually kill off the black (likely) lesbian character and her lover. -.-

If they actually chop of Claudia's head on stage.

Mayhem.

Which brings me to the next part:

My predictions for season 2:

Louis hurting, seeing Lestat everywhere (outcry)

Loumand in love, oh so sweet, look at them

Claudia gets a girlfriend!! (Sweet!)

What is Lestat doing there? (outcry)

What, Armand is interested in Louis because of Lestat?? (outcry)

What, Louis is yearning for Lestat?? (outcry)

What, Armand is doing what to Claudia (and Madeleine)? "ThEy KiLl tHe gAys!!" ((outcry)

Armand throws Lestat off a tower (Meh, he deserved it, should have been much worse)

What, Louis stays with Armand?? (outcry)

Whatever will go on with Louis and Lestat (outcry)

At some point people will turn on Assad, I agree here with what has been said by others on this.

They could not separate Sam from Lestat, they will not do so for Assad, in fact THERE I can easily see it be much worse, because of the racial implications.

I can also see them turn on Jacob btw, because Louis stays with Armand. "How could he". -.-

So: Even if you are only a "show fan", if you have no idea of what the books might bring... the hiatus is still very long, and going and hating on people, accusing them of racism, because people who know the books go a bit bonkers when they see certain bts photos... is on you - not them.

These ships are all canon relationships.

And valid.

End of rant.

[hiiragi7]

hi there!! i've been reading some of the discussions you've had & many of them are super informative and some comforting to read from the perspective of someone who's questioning if they might be plural/have a CDD. i really appreciate ur blog & the views and experiences u share on it, it feels like a warm hug amidst The Horrors of Syscourse.

i've had something on my mind though. this is probably a silly question, but it's possible to have a CDD without (C)PTSD, right? admittedly i'm kind of just asking this for reassurance while i'm on my own discovery journey. like. i have experienced traumatic events and some of it is ongoing & i'm still living with the people responsible, but i don't think i fit the PTSD criteria due to not experiencing flashbacks or strong emotions related to the events—i usually just feel totally empty & detached from it. i still believe i've been negatively affected by the events hence considering them traumatic, but that doesn't include any kind of flashbacks.

i've been trying to look into it & find answers but i've seen a lot of conflating of having experienced trauma with having PTSD, so most of what i find is "can you be plural/have a CDD without trauma" discourse.

i think it'd be neat to see more conversations about this but free to ignore this ask if u don't want to answer it/if u don't feel equipped to! wishing u the best. have a great day!!

This is actually a very interesting question.

I've read a lot of medical literature on trauma, and each author in the field seems to define what qualifies as PTSD or PTSD symptoms differently, which also lines up with my own experiences with medical professionals in practice. In general, me simply being traumatized was enough for me to be given an automatic PTSD diagnosis, regardless of which therapist or psychiatrist I saw. Some professionals I saw were very specific with what they called what, others were a lot more loose with it.

I've seen a lot of differing definitions and academic debate over what qualifies as a flashback, dissociation, a posttraumatic symptom, and so on. That is to say, it can all be very vague.

For example, there are other forms of flashbacks that exist outside of the well-known ones; some people only relive traumatic events emotionally, or through repeated thought processes, or somatic pain. A lot aren't even aware these are flashbacks, because it's experienced as 'random' emotions or pain or spirals or some other response, and a lot have trouble figuring out what even triggers these responses.

Would these experiences fall under what we call flashbacks in PTSD? Well, it probably depends on who you ask. And, in practice, whether someone with these experiences gets diagnosed with PTSD or a mood disorder or a personality disorder or somatic pain syndrome depends on the medical professional evaluating them.

To further complicate it, a lot of people don't experience overt c/PTSD symptoms until they are no longer living in the traumatic situation, which, for people who develop cPTSD, means they may not show obvious symptoms until a very, very long time after the trauma started. I didn't start getting "classic" PTSD flashbacks and "waking up in a panic attack in the middle of the night" type nightmares about the trauma until I wasn't around the people who did it anymore. However, I have experienced many other trauma-related symptoms and heavy dissociation ever since I was very very little. Before I was diagnosed with PTSD in highschool, I was diagnosed with a lot of other things first.

There's also just the fact that, for whatever reason, people don't all develop the same symptoms in response to trauma. Some people with very complex trauma never experience classic PTSD symptoms. Some people are very dissociative and numb, or develop mood disorders, or obsessive-compulsive symptoms, or somatic symptoms, or eating disorders, or some combination of things. Some people never externally harm themselves or cope using substances while others develop addictions to these things.

In addition, some people's experiences with trauma don't fall under the PTSD criteria's definition of trauma, so even if other symptoms are present they don't "technically" fit criteria. And sometimes medical professionals use their own judgement and diagnose these people with PTSD anyway, and sometimes they don't.

Plenty of people diagnosed with other childhood trauma-based disorders besides CDDs also don't fit c/PTSD criteria or show many c/PTSD symptoms or receive a comorbid c/PTSD diagnosis for whatever reason. It's complicated and messy.

This is all to say, I've encountered medical professionals who treat PTSD as synonymous with "traumatized" and are very loose with what they call PTSD and I've also encountered medical professionals who are very strict about the criteria and are very insistent on only diagnosing people who fit that, and I've met a lot of professionals somewhere in the middle as well. I've also encountered plenty who would much rather focus on helping the symptoms than on what the diagnosis is or isn't, and who don't really like the way mental health diagnosis is structured in the first place.

So, to come back to your question... I don't think there really is an objective answer to it, though personally I'd just say "sure it's possible, and I wouldn't really worry about it much."

In the end, what I've found is that it doesn't actually really matter that much? Regardless of whether there is comorbid PTSD or whether there isn't (or whether it's delayed onset or etc), in the end what you're dealing with if you have a CDD is still trauma, and the treatment for that is more or less the same, regardless of what you call it. There might be differences in, say, approaches to medication specifically, or specific symptoms, but even that is often just throwing things at the wall and seeing what sticks. Honestly, in my experience, treatment mostly looks different based on symptoms and individual needs rather than diagnoses, really.

In general, I find that a lot of people dealing with trauma and mental illness tend to over-focus on diagnosis and getting it right and trying to figure out whether they "really" have something or whether they're mistaken or somehow faking or so on. I think that's an unhelpful approach to it; there's no objective way to confirm that sort of thing, and either way you still need ways to cope with your symptoms, and coping skills are useful regardless of diagnosis. Learning how to ground yourself is useful regardless of whether you "really" dissociate that bad, learning emotional regulation skills is useful regardless of whether you "really" have severe mood swings, learning calming techniques and self-care and how to be gentle with yourself are good things for everyone to learn, coping skills are not just for people with certain diagnoses. In fact, you don't even need a diagnosis of anything to do these things.

And with trauma, like... it's all just trauma processing in the end, really.

I'll even go as far to say that even if you don't have PTSD, books and resources for PTSD might still be useful to you if you have a CDD or another trauma-related disorder, since a lot of symptoms overlap with other disorders and especially with trauma the recommendations for what to do about it tend to be applicable to a lot of different situations outside of strictly PTSD.

I realize I rambled a long time just to say "well, it's complicated and depends on what we mean by PTSD, but also it's all trauma anyway" but I hope this was helpful still?

I'm also glad to hear what you said about my blog, it was very nice to read.

[wizardsvslesbians]

Isaac here. I have been remiss, allowing recommendations to pile up in our inbox! I'll put them in one big post here. I think these have evolved to be at least partially intended for our audience rather than for us, so I'll include each whole pitch as a public service.

i would be curious to what yall think about Wrath Goddess Sing by Maya Deane, which is about lesbian Achilles in a T4T relationship, and then things get Weird. if nothing else it’s the most creative of the recent wave of myth retellings

This has now been rec'd twice! I'll put the requisite little star by it.

finally got around to watching love lies bleeding and while it doesn't qualify as wizlez by virtue of not being sff, it absolutely is in the zeitgeist as it hits many, many of the main beats of the wizlez subgenre. wizlez might really hit the mainstream at some point

If the wizlez movie escapes A24 and replaces the my dead wife is a 9/11 metaphor movie at the top of the cinematic heap I'll be surprised but not shocked

i'd like to request Vinbre the Novel by Opacifica! While it is technically a fanfiction, it uses a totally original setting and cast and doesn't require any prior knowledge. It veeery much qualifies for the podcast

Clever, clever. "Technically a fanfiction." You thought I wouldn't notice how many letters these characters' names have? How many sweeps do you want us to spend on this, exactly?

hi! been binge-listening and really enjoy your analysis :) I have a few recommendations -- first, leech by hieron ennes, which may not fit the brief precisely but definitely plays with a lot of the themes that you seem interested in (power, empire, hive minds, immortality, child abuse, body horror). I loved this one and I think it may be to your taste. also, star eater by kerstin hall and the scorpion rules by erin bow -- two dystopian novels with prominent wlw characters and definite wiz vs lez vibes. I can't vouch that these two are Good per se, but I definitely think they're interesting and bring a lot to discuss.

The Scorpion Rules is in fact on our to-cover list, and is only waiting for us to get some different murder at the boarding school books out of the way first.

it's been a hot minute but i have a book rec! It doesn't have lesbians per se but it is very Gender so it may make a good Special Episode (or at least y'all would enjoy it i think!) it's The West Passage by Jared Pechacek. Little scrungly babies scurry around a castle the size of a city. Decay! Casual cannibalism! gorgeous illustrations by the author! medieval steven universe worldbuilding! it was very weird and very beautiful

I do like books that take place in One Giant Building.... I'll give it a shot...

Wanted to drop a rec for you guys! Author is hiyodori and the book is The lowest healer and the highest mage!

This has also been recommended twice and we will probably, maybe get to it.

Look I'm aware that due to the time commitment which is on par with reading Homestuck and the audio format it's basically impossible to cover all of it. But fellow wizards vs lesbians listeners should know that the magnus archives probably counts as wizards vs lesbians. There are a million wizards, women fall in love, and lesbians definitely attack the wizards. plus there's an assortment of bad mothers and monstrous children. It somehow has a coherent plot and themes by the end as well, if you can stick with the motw format long enough. However it's mostly wizard pov

It is in fact possible to read the Magnus Archives as an ebook, thanks largely to the efforts of my friend Snarp. I mean, we won't be doing it, at all, ever. But it is possible.

whenever the two of you feel like reading young adult: these feathered flames by alexandra overy has an interesting lesbian (who is also a wizard? or at least has a wizard within her?), and the sequel has an evil wizard who comes the closest to “actual wizard, with the hat and beard and everything” i’ve ever seen

Yeah, why not.

[voidandabyssal]

Can I get add the swap and swapfell brothers to the Amalgam request? Maybe even Horrortale?

Of course you can! here's the link to the first amalgram post! I'll just do the Swap and SwapFell brothers for now though.

Blue:

when you go missing he's the first to notice. Both of you text pretty frequently when your not around each other (which is pretty rare in of itself). He visits your home, then your job, then any other areas your known to frequently vist. Getting more and more worried as you remain missing for longer and don't respond to his calls.

He calls Stretch out to help with looking for you, his brother knows a lot of people so they'd both find out pretty soon that you were last seen visiting Undyne.

Blue decides to sneak into Undyne's lab. Though he does think the best, "probably just some medical check up you forgot to tell him about. Nothing big!"

Immediately goes to comforting you when he does find you.

Keeps hugging you even when you try and push him away, apologising for melting over him.

He confronts Undyne he confesses to hiding both yourself and the rest of the amalgamites away.

Blue calls in Alphys to help deal with the situation and re-unite everyone. Then he and Stretch take you back home. He promises to help you in any way.

He tries to do what you want, if you want to find a cure, then he's recruiting Stretch, even a regretful Undyne to the cause. You just want to learn to live again? Yep and he's by your side every step of the way

Stretch:

Immediately suspicious when you just disappear. That's unusual for you. He asks around and finds that a few of his bar friends saw you and Undyne together. Weird, especially cause you don't really know her.

He shoots a text to Undyne asking her where you are. When she starts acting weird, changing subject, ignoring phone calls, asking dumb questions, he gets really suspicious

He goes down into the old lab his father used to work in. Guessing that Undyne still uses it.

Imagine his surprise (and horror) when he finds you, malformed, melting and in constant pain.

He carries you up and confronts Undyne. It's not a confrontation that goes well...

Of course Undyne is heartbroken and riddled with guilt. She had never thought that determination could do something like that.

Stretch keeps you in the lab. Hoping that with him and Undyne's intelligence, a cure could be found quickly.

He grabs things from your home that he knows would comfort you. Blankets, clothes, books, anything that keeps you stable and happy.

Somehow still manages to make time for cuddles.

Black (SF Sans)

boy if you even think you're leaving his eyesight!!!

seriously tho, I can only imagine Black would ever let someone like, euugh, Undyne, if you were in serious trouble.

Likely you had some serious health issues, or maybe you even fell down.

Whatever the case, he was desperate to help you and Undyne's kind of the only qualified doctor they have left. So off you go...

yeah, it doesn't go well. Black genuinely tries to murder Undyne. He takes this not only as a slight against you, but as action against him.

You're under HIS protection, meaning when someone fucks with you, they fuck with him.

Mutt steps in and manages to calm his brother down, pointing out that Undyne may actually be one of the only people to be able to help you.

Black keeps a VERY close eye on you. If you haven't already moved in with him, you are now!

Tasks his brother with keeping you safe when he has to leave.

Mutt (SF Papyrus):

probably the one to fuck up this time, ngl.

He was actually apart of the royal scientists before he left it. Like Black, he wouldn't want any science experiment stuff going on and he tries to keep you seperate from it.

We don't always get what we want though, from one reason to another, bad timing, thoughtless decisions, etc. You ended up overdosing from two much determination.

the guilt almost cracks his soul in two. He can't look you in the eye after what happened.

Keeps you hidden away in the true lab, occasionally popping in when he's either really drunk, high, or holding some new serum that's supposed to cure you.

Poor boy already struggled with substance abuse, this just makes it worse.

When he shortcuts in drunk; he just cries, holding your malformed body and crying apologies and begging for forgiveness.

Then he disappears in the morning when he wakes up hungover as hell and realises what he'd done.

[constelationprize]

ROBIN/ELODIE ??????

if this about to be like my eva josten/adèle moreau scenario i will cry then ask u to please marry me.

i need this more than i need air. u don’t understand. i love u. ur the freaking best. tell me more.

Yeah that one came to me in a vision.

The thing is that like most of my other niche rarepairings I just cannot resist the allure of Narrative Parallels™. Mostly I just realized how similar Elodie and Robin's stories are (in concept) and that they could actually be around the same age (considering Elodie would be around 15-16yo in 2007 and Robin joins the Foxes in 2009 after Kevin graduates, and assuming Robin didn't get held back due to the Horrors, that would put them at around a 1-2 year age difference).

So the basic concept for the AU is that Elodie survives and is rescued by Stuart during TSC and then brought over to the USA to live with Jean and the Trojans. This goes about as well as you would expect, which is to say not at all – she's heavily traumatized, barely speaks English for the first couple years, and is resistant to any kind of help that would result in her having to leave Jean's side. She also at first does not want anything to do with the other Trojans at all because she sees most of them as adults she can't trust and also resents them for monopolizing Jean's time, and none of these college sports players is anywhere near qualified for unpacking All of That.

Elodie and Jean effectively make each other's recovery worse for a long while because they immediately try and fall back to their childhood dynamic, which can no longer work for multiple reasons. But through Betsy Dobson all things are possible and eventually they get to a point where they aren't actively standing in each other's way anymore, though things are still Not Good.

It gets tough again when Jean graduates and they move out of LA, which just uproots what little stability Elodie had again, and he has developed a need to constantly check on her that cannot be good for his now even busier pro player schedule. Also, Elodie is almost 18, and at a point where she should be graduating high school and thinking about her future, which she very much is not doing because until a couple years ago she didn't even HAVE a future so she doesn't really know what to do with it.

They start floating the possibility of getting her into a community college or something in the state Jean's in, but eventually the possibility of having some strings pulled to get her into PSU is brought up, and Elodie latches onto it immediately, mostly because she both feels stifled by Jean's helicopter parenting AND kind of wants to punish him for not actually spending time with her by moving away. Jean doesn't want to let her, but he also doesn't really have a choice, and PSU might be far but at least he knows Elodie will have people there to reach out to if she needs it.

Joke's on Elodie though because going to college to annoy your brother does mean she just conned herself into taking classes and figuring out what to do with her life now and she has to do it while dodging 20 phone calls per hour. Anyway now that she's on PSU she has to learn how to do human person things like making friends. She ends up joining a roller derby team as a combo meeting people-getting exercise-venting anger deal.

Robin, on the other hand, is going through a similar situation where Andrew just graduated, and Neil is in his last year, so she's about to lose her anchors at PSU. Once Neil graduates, she won't have anyone to night practice with anymore, so she also joins the roller derby team to fill in her nights, in a way of trial-running how to maintain some sense of routine and normalcy and maybe make some friends as well.

And that is how the world's saddest most traumatized girls meet. They have no idea who the other really is at first because Elodie doesn't follow exy out of spite and they also don't tell each other their full names because they are very googlable and the team is for both of them a way to finding who they are outside of what happened to them, so they don't want to invite the past in there.

Neil figures it out pretty fast though, since he's been keeping an eye on Elodie, but he tells no one because he thinks it's going to be funny when Andrew and Jean (who absolutely hate each other) discover they're dating (He's right). The basic idea I have is that everyone kind of finds out at the same time when Andrew and Jean play against each other in a nearby city and both Elodie and Robin come to watch and it's a very spiderman pointing meme moment all around.

Getting to truly know each other then is a blessing and a curse because the similarities between their stories are as important as the differences. Elodie would have given everything to have parents that would want her back home and want to protect her and Robin would kill to have her family understand and relate to her trauma the way Jean does. Elodie genuinely cannot understand Robin's guilt over escaping by dooming another girl because she would have actively killed without remorse to break out. Robin doesn't get why Elodie is bitter over having to be rescued when she used to dream about someone finding and saving her. It's a very "grass is always greener on the other side" situation, and they clash a lot, but eventually they work it out.

I'm also thinking of having Robin being conflicted over whether she wants or even is capable of going pro (since as per the EC she technically wasn't good enough to be recruited if not for Andrew's constant endorsement). I'm not sure what Elodie would be majoring in, but that's fine because neither is Elodie. So that's something else they're both dealing with.

That's mostly what I have so far, I'm hoping some day this fic will grow a plot that can hold my attention so I can actually write it.

[cosmicjoke]

How Ash's Sexual Abuse Impacts His Perception of Himself Part 2:

Example eight: Ash's rape by Colonel Foxx and the aftermath of it. I've seen people try to claim that Ash's defiance of Foxx, telling him "Well, do whatever you want to me. You're never gonna dominate me. Ever. My mind and my spirit are mine. I'll fight you assholes all the way! With Everything I got!" is somehow proof that Ash wasn't deeply affected or traumatized by what Foxx did to him, that what Foxx did to him didn't have a devastating affect on Ash's self-esteem or self-perception. I think that claim is patently absurd. It completely fails to account for the direct aftermath of the rape, in which we see Ash have a literal, mental breakdown, unable to stop shaking and sick with himself, and even Ash's terrified, horrified expressions leading up to the rape. It seems clear to me that Ash's defiance of Foxx was a desperate attempt to shield himself from the horror of what he knew was about to happen. It has always read to me as the tragic attempts of a boy who's been rendered helpless, grasping pitifully for some way to cope with his own powerlessness and the pain of what he's about to suffer. It's obvious from Ash's breakdown afterward that his claim to Foxx that he'll "never be dominated" was all bluster, because Ash's reaction afterward shows he very much feels as though he has been dominated. He starts to break down because he's just been shown he can be made just as powerless and helpless now as he was when he was a little boy. This is truly one of the most tragic and heartbreaking moments in the story, because we see any belief Ash might have started to gain that he could escape his role in life being brutally snuffed out. Foxx raping Ash, after Ash has essentially become an adult and begun for the first time to develop for himself a sense of control and independence in his life, basically serves as a cruel reminder to Ash that any sense of freedom he may have felt, any sense of being able to choose anything for himself, was all just an illusion, and he'll forever and always be nothing more than an object designed to satisfy the desires of others.

Example nine: Ash telling Jessica that Foxx raped him, and admitting, essentially, that the only reason he hasn't allowed all the times he's been raped to cripple him mentally is because he simply couldn't afford to. He says "If I needed a year to get over every time I was raped, I'd be dead from old age". He's saying it's happened to him so many times, that's he's had to learn to bury the pain of it in order to keep living. That doesn't in any way mean Ash isn't being deeply affected, though, or that those experiences of rape haven't traumatized and devastated him or continued to impact him psychologically. He's just lived a life so on the edge, that he's never had a moment to actually contend with the disabling affects of his abuse. We see this play out in real time, going from the scenes in example eight, of Ash starting to have a breakdown over what Foxx did to him, to his seemingly detached, unaffected demeanor with Jessica. It's not that he's unaffected by what Foxx did to him, it's that he's actively pushing the negative emotions the experience has conjured in him down in order to keep on. He isn't dealing with his trauma, he's just pretending it isn't there.

Example ten: Ash brushing off Eiji's attempts at encouragement and suggestion of him becoming a model by saying how the only kind of modeling he would be good at or able to do is posing for "kiddie porn mags". He apologizes to Eiji after, seeing he's upset him, saying there's "something the matter with me", but it's obvious that this is what Ash really thinks about himself. He thinks the only thing he would be qualified to work as is a child prostitute. The only thing he thinks he's good at is being a sex object and a killer.

Example eleven: Ash talking with Blanca at the end, and saying he's "never scared (himself) or felt so ashamed of (himself) as right now." Ash thinks of Eiji's goodness and warmth, and compares himself negatively to that goodness and warmth. Being around Eiji, and the way being around him made Ash feel better about himself, ultimately only served to remind Ash of what he feels is his own, inherent rottenness. He sees himself in direct contrast to Eiji, a darkness which threatens to swallow Eiji's light up. He decides he can't be in Eiji's life because his own badness will eventually lead to Eiji's own destruction. Again, we see here exemplified the ways in which the abuse Ash has suffered, and the kind of life he's been forced to live as a result of that abuse, has severely impacted his ability to see his own goodness and light. He's fully convinced he's a bad person, and the only reason he ever might have felt less terrible or like he could be better was by virtue of being in proximity to someone as good and pure as Eiji. He isn't able to see himself as the source of his goodness. He isn't able to see that light as coming from within himself. He believes fully there's only ugliness and horror inside him.

Example twelve: I've also seen it suggested by some people that this scene, and Ash saying "I'm just glad I wasn't born a girl. They get it even worse, so then I'd be a real slut." is supposed to be indicative of him not actually seeing himself in that light, but again, I completely disagree. Ash acts nonchalant and unaffected by the abuse he's suffered because it's the only way for him to cope with it, as I established in example nine. He's doing the same thing in the above scene. He's coping. He's trying to brush off the fact he's been sexually molested and raped since the age of 7 and on as no big deal, by saying well, at least he's not a girl, because when girls are sexually abused, they get branded a "slut" and then it's even worse for them. That doesn't mean Ash doesn't think of himself as a slut, or a sex object (he clearly does, as I've spent these two, long posts establishing), it means Ash thinks he has it easier than a girl would in his position, because boys and men aren't looked at the same way as girls and women who get sexually assaulted and/or raped. It's similar to how Yashiro, in "Twittering Birds Never Fly" tries to downplay his own, sexual abuse when he makes his comment to Kagayama that it's "different" for women who are raped. It's this idea that boys and men should be able to handle being sexually abused better than women, because the societal expectation is that boys and men can't be raped and/or sexually assaulted in the same way as girls and women. They don't face the same sort of social expectations of virginal purity and, so, don't face the same sort of social stigma a girl or woman faces after being sexually assaulted/abused. Ash is saying the only reason he's not seen as a slut by society is because he's not a girl. That social stigma is exemplified by Shorter's own response here, saying if Ash was a girl, he'd never have become a prostitute to begin with. That he'd be a "a real class act who wouldn't even give somebody like me the time of day.". Shorter is basically saying he doesn't see Ash as a slut because he's a boy, and if he was a girl, he wouldn't act the way he does as a boy. All this proves is that Ash is aware of the different ways in which society treats men and women, especially in regards to their sexuality. He's saying he'd be treated as a "real slut" if he was a girl. But of course, Ash already is treated by his abusers as if he's a slut. Shorter himself treated Ash like he was some manipulative whore because of what happened with Ricardo and Frankie. So what Ash says here isn't true at all. Him being a boy doesn't change the way he gets treated and spoken to. And it's obvious, from the way Ash treats himself, that he thinks of himself the same way. That there's some part of him that believes he deserves to be treated that way, because, again, he sees himself as nothing more than a sex object.

That comes from years of horrific abuse. Of being told again and again that his feelings don't count, his thoughts don't count, what he wants doesn't matter. Ash may be able to stand outside himself at times and objectively recognize that the way he's been treated all his life is wrong, and that his abusers are the truly evil ones. But it's the way Ash talks about and treats himself that exposes the truth. He treats himself as though he's just as worthless as all his abusers have always told him he was. And that tells us, undoubtedly, that Ash, in the most tragic way possible, has always, actually believed them.

[nitw]

THE FACTS:

yuri on ice is (largely) about a budding romance between 2 men, but it is much more of a sports anime than anything else.

given is (largely) about music and the horrors of band dynamics, but it is much more of a bl drama than anything else.

free! is (largely) about competitive swimming, but the swimming is just like a whole metaphor for freedom and homoerotic yearning and art and self-expression and fuckin uhhhh autism or something, and it IS homoerotic by definition, but it's also not gay at all at the same time. like at all. it doesn't qualify as yaoi or bl but it ALSO doesn't really qualify as a sports anime, because the interpersonal drama and tension required of a sports anime is all centered around the yaoi in free!, but the yaoi doesn't actually exist, so it cancels itself out.

yuri on ice has 1 explicitly romantic relationship at the core of its story. we see it from their first meeting and end with them still together. it's STILL mostly a sports anime.

given has MORE THAN 1 explicitly romantic relationship between relevant characters scattered throughout the narrative. each of them take their own time to develop (and sometimes fall apart), and the music setting is what drives most of it.

free! has been renewed 49302527076 times but no one has officially started dating yet, though it continues to be homoerotic.

CONCLUSION:

free! is a shoujo anime.

[maleyanderecafe]

Would you consider the Freelance Surgeon from the Endacopia demo a yandere? I know murdering your lover(s) doesn't instantly qualify someone as one, but if you think about it a little and maybe taking the underground in to account, they could be? There isn't much known about them since it's just a demo but they do claim they did it out of "love." Or I am just reaching? Sorry if I am! Thanks for all the great recommendations by the way :)

Endacopia is pretty fun, and not a game I normally play for this blog, so it made it a cool experience. Endacopia is basically one of those indie horrors, similar to petscop except it's a point and click game. It's mostly comedic with tones of horror in certain places, with the Freelance Surgeon being one of the main aspects of horror.

I'm going to go fairly briefly into the game since the demo isn't super long. The story starts out with the boy Mellow, who is inside his room. After exploring and messing around, he meets a sign named Tip in the hallway and goes to the bathroom area after hearing the sound. After summoning a creature from the toilet, it asks Mellow for a code. Mellow has to go back and receive the code from a creature behind one of the drawings. Upon leaving, he is attacked by a creature that was hidden as the clock on the wall (named Clocky). After a fun mini game of fighting it, Mellow is free to go back into the bathroom where he is taken by the monster and the demo ends.

Before Mellow goes back into the bathroom to give the code, we can see one of the many paintings in the hallway has been knocked down. Upon going inside, we see a surgeon working on a surgery. We can ask him who he is and he sings a little jingle which you can hear here.

Basically he sings about how he's a brilliant surgeon, that's ahead of his time and how he loved two people (presumably): someone strong and someone beautiful. He ends up combining them as a result to create his bride. He then sings about how his procedures can save the world, how he does it for love, his bride and for the world itself.

He also confirms that he is the one who created Clocky and that he seems to have the ability to make life and revive it. When asked where his bride is, he responds "Underground".

You can actually see where his bride is by interacting with the lights in the hallway to say the word "Underground". After this, Mellow is dragged under the floor into the underground. There he states he can't really see or feel anything (other than being cold), but you can interact with various objects there like a giant comb, some teeth and tooth picks and a book. When interacting, there are horrific images of surgeries, the combination of the two loved ones that the Freelance Surgeon sings about, with multiples of teeth, eyes, hair and limbs.

There is also an elevator that is positioned in the top left corner. Standing there with the candle that is in your inventory, will cause the elevator to eventually open, leading into going to see the horrific creature that is the Freelance Surgeon's Bride. Clicking on it will cause it to scream and after the fifth click, the screen blacks out and the game crashes.

The Freelance surgeon is the center of the horror in Endacopia, with the name possibly also being a reference to this (enda meaning married/married to, and copia meaning to clone or double). It seems far different from the rest of the game which, although does have some uncanny things and some horror elements is mostly pretty comedic. The concept of having a yandere that fuses two of their lovers together is immensely interesting, since I don't think I've ever heard of such a thing before. Would that still be considered a yandere since they loved two people? Does it get resolved when they are fused into one body? Is it really love? Just like you were saying, it is hard to tell since we don't actually know that much about the Freelance Surgeon and when it comes to emotions, especially love in media, it isn't always as clear cut, since it can often be up to interpretation. I do think it is possible that he is a yandere considering he does apparently keep his bride alive and takes care of them, though again the idea of fusing two people does make it a bit iffy, since usually yanderes tend to love one person (but again, it's resolved when they're combined into one? I suppose?), plus we don't really know the whole picture of what's going on, which means there's a lot of wiggle room for it possibly not really being a yandere, but rather some sort of egotism that the Freelance Surgeon has.

But yeah, like you said. It's hard to say. I don't like jumping too much into conclusions until we have much more definitive evidence since things could always change or be interpreted differently. This is especially true since this is a demo and can be subjected to change. I can see where you're coming from though. It is a very fun game, and I like the puzzles ( I died to clocky more than I probably should have lol) and it is very well made. I would recommend people play it since it is very cool and fun and has hidden secrets which are always cool!

[sophieinwonderland]

Some notes on lateral violence and bigotry

Lateral violence is a theory that is used to explain why members of a marginalized community might harm other members of that marginalized community.

The theory is basically that because of the systemic oppression that certain people face, they become angry and will often take out their aggression on their peers in that same community because of an inability to fight their actual oppressors.

Something that is really important to understand about this is that it doesn't assume that there is an intentionality behind these actions. You aren't necessarily hurting other members of your marginalized community because they are a member of your marginalized community. They just end up becoming a natural outlet.

A member of a marginalized community ends up hurting their friends or their family or their spouse, and this isn't because the people they are hurting are [insert marginalized identity.] They are just angry at the world around them and take that anger out on the people closest to them.

So when I see people saying that it's not bigotry, it's lateral aggression, I need to note that these are not mutually exclusive. Because while lateral aggression does not imply that bigotry is present, it definitely can be in one of two ways. (Which can overlap.)

Internalized bigotry

This is bigotry that is a result of a member of a marginalized community hating people or seeing people of their own community as inferior in some way.

If you want an example of what this looks like, you can look no further than Mark Robinson, a black politician recently outed for incredibly racist comments, including stating that he wanted to bring back slavery.

Mark Robinson is but the latest in a very long line of self-hating members of marginalized communities that conservatives love to prop up.

These are explicitly bigoted against their own race, gender, sexuality, etc.

Bigotry towards the out-group

This is bigotry that is based on divisions within a community, having a group that is bigoted against another related marginalized community. An example of this might be the LGB Alliance, a transphobic group that is opposed to inclusiveness of other queer advocacy groups.

And here we get to a section where it's... Questionable to me how much this would even be considered lateral violence. Because generally these are subdivisions of groups. Members of the LGB Alliance are probably not going to be sharing much of a community with transgender people. Nor do they view transgender people as part of their community.

Is it actually still lateral violence, when the people you are targeting are not part of the communities that you are in? When you have subdivided yourself into your own community that supports and enforces bigotry against another?

I don't really know the answer to this.

Back to sysmeds

When you are defining yourself by opposition to a marginalized community, even if that is a subgroup within a larger umbrella, that is bigotry.

I am shocked that this is being debated at all.

The only thing that I think really warrants debate here is whether this bigotry actually qualifies as lateral aggression or not.

Are we even part of the same community when anti-endos mostly reside in their own servers that ban anybody who is endogenic or even just pro-endo? When they insulate their blogs with DNIs to protect themselves from the horror of an endogenic system liking or reblogging their content?

To me, this feels outside the scope of what lateral violence was made to explain. Or at least, on its edge. It is not simply showing aggression towards peers around you. It is targeted hate towards a subgroup that you do not identify with and view as outsiders.

I would be interested in hearing what other people have to say about this. About whether this technically counts as lateral violence or not when anti-endos do not view themselves as part of our community.

I would not be interested in hearing somebody trying to argue that hate against endogenic systems isn't bigotry though.

[deadzonedenizen]

Any fun facts about Bell,Alix,Rasmus,and Gibby?

I'm shaking rn, why didn't I see this earlier-

Okayokayokay-

*clears throat*

Bell:

-His name is short for Bellamy. (Rasmus' idea) The nickname came first. (Tang's idea)

-The stuff he consumes is...questionable. MK and Mei constantly bet on what Bell drinks that morning, and whether or not it's matcha or battery acid.

-Bell lives with Sandy, so the others joke about him being a feral stray Sandy added into his collection of therapy cats. (Even though it's him that needs therapy)

-Despite his own questionable food cravings, Bell is a pretty good cook and baker. Unlike Pigsy though, he doesn't perform as well in a professional setting. Bell does it purely to unwind. Also he's a fan of Chang'e, no surprises there.

-Bell likes exploring abandoned places! It's been something he had been doing ever since he was young. He'd even pack his bag full of convenience store snacks for the trip. Sometimes he finds papers of family recipes in some decrepit houses, and would try to replicate them himself.

-Bell has this weird tendency that makes him unable to go anywhere without wearing something with pockets. Either his hands are in the pockets, or they're holding something like Gibby's flutes. He feels weird if his hands are just dangling out. Similarly, he feels weird walking barefoot inside (how un-Asian of him!) and walk with socks on instead.

-If he can't keep his hands occupied, he'd try to shake it off by crocheting little clowns for Gibby, carving linoleum stamps to fill space on his sketchbook with, or whatever creative outlet he can use with the materials available. (He prefers painting, but cleaning the resulting goliath of a mess isn't worth it, so he only does it in whatever abandoned place is nearest.)

-He usually makes Ronghua flowers instead, since it just so happens that silk and metal wires are the cheapest things he can buy in the handicraft store. Not like he can garden actual flowers without them dying anyway. So many chia pets have lost their lives to him.

-Recent events have left him physically allergic to the word 'd*stiny'. Instead, he refers to it as 'the D-slur'.

-The first time Wukong met him, he called him Blue Son. MK and Mei never stopped teasing him with that name ever since. But if we're talking about the first person he met in Megapolis in general, then it's Mei, who then proceeded to knock him out by throwing a pair of pliers straight to his face.

-Bell is pretty much the back-up hero by day, but is the one patrolling at night. Unlike MK or Mei, he keeps his identity a secret for privacy's sake. He does enjoy seeing people lose their minds on the internet when it comes to theorizing about his identity, and even spread false rumors from alt-accounts just to further stir the pot.

-Don't let Bell drive. Don't ever let Bell drive. It should be illegal to leave him unattended in a room with anything that has wheels without supervision from a responsible adult. (Tang does not qualify as a responsible adult.)

-Bell can't sleep without a pillow to cling on. He is touch-starved, your honor.

-He's deathly scared of bigger birds like eagles and owls (lmao Peng). The only exceptions are pelicans because of how goofy they are. Pelicans have Bell's upmost respect.

-Bell is a theater kid, specifically the musical breed. He can't actually act out non-song dialogue onstage because he's prone to forgetting his lines. Lyrics are just easier to memorize than spoken dialogue for him, so he doesn't have any interest in actual acting. He's good at ad-libbing though, and can definitely sing, while knowing how to play Gibby's flutes and the piano to boot.

Alix:

-Alix' thing is makeup, but more specifically sfx makeup. It all started when one of her brothers used to jumpscare her, so she practiced using sfx gore makeup to jumpscare him back. (She still does that)

-Being a makeup artist isn't her exact main goal. Really, she wants to be a horror movie director one day. She already has an analog horror series in the works, even though it still needs some polishing.

-She also has a podcast channel about true crime, urban legends, and lost media, surprise surprise. Though she prefers to stay anonymous by wearing a fox mask.

-Her birthday is in Halloween, so she likes spooks in general! It gives her an excuse to dress up in costumes and look like a cosplayer without seeming out of place. She was definitely a creepypasta kid.

-Biologically, Alix is more Huli Jing. But she inherited more of her abilities from her mother's side. Lots of butterflies.

-Alix is recovering from a crippling bubblegum addiction. Most of her childhood and teen years was spent on her chewing gum. Occasionally, she'd experience bubblegum relapses and end up taking a piece without even realizing...until the vendor yells at her for not paying.

-She's somewhat interested in candy making in general. Once, she made a lollipop that would stain someone's lips for a long enough time that it made for a lip tint substitute. It became popular in her old elementary because of students being banned from actual lip tint. But when it comes to snacks in general, she's a sucker for tanghulu. Her handle is literally Tanghulu_Queen.

-She has a little online side gig with custom phone cases and keychains! She doesn't have that many people ordering, but it's decent enough for a side gig.

-She was in the commentary community before, but left after realizing that the toxicity wasn't worth it. It sometimes still shows when she's criticizing something.

-Her commentary phase was a byproduct of her mean girl era. Her old school's overall competitiveness fed into that, which Alix grew out of after graduating. She still tries to apologize to any of her old classmates that she come across.

-Alix doesn't just use makeup to make fake wounds, but also hide real ones as well. Bruises anyway, makeup on open wounds aren't a good idea. It's not the proudest thing she does, but sometimes a villain attack in the city ends up with her getting some bruises, and she doesn't want her parents to go back to having a bodyguard stalk her all of the time.

-Alix is the living example of a person's aesthetic not matching her playlist. Her playlist mostly consists of Sabaton.

-Alix also had a sporty streak in gymnastics, but quit after another competitor sabotaged her equipment during a competition, resulting in a leg injury that required her to be hospitalized.

-She likes koi. Growing up, she loved going to places with koi ponds. But ever since her parents caught her with a koi fish in her mouth, they never let her near a koi pond unsupervised ever since.

-She's a huge workaholic, to the point that she works to distract herself from anything bothering her. That usually comes with good results with her efforts, but also the added pressure to keep it that way.

Rasmus:

-His real name is Rashmil Ranganathan. Erasmus and Rasmus are both just nicknames he got from his social media handle, Raspberry_Mousse. His Chinese name is Lan Muyang for convenience, but Megapolitans call him Rasmus anyway.

-He's Indian, but his mother's side of the family is part of the ten percent Indian population in Martinique! It's his father's side who's actually from India. He favors his mom's side of the family over his dad's though. Anyone would, if the latter constantly talked about them lagging behind while being compared to their cousins.

-His host family in his gap year in China is actually Bai He's, and she is the reason why Rasmus has memorized the extensive lore of Studio Ghibli films and the magical girl genre. So he basically doubles as her babysitter. Bai He would stir up all sorts of trouble, and Rasmus would just wave it off as a typical child's behavior.

-When designing an outfit, he tends to gravitate towards more traditional wear with a modern touch. It's why he takes cultural research seriously, to avoid appropriating any with his works. He takes advantage of his role as a junior photojournalist to consult artisans from those cultures, while also photographing their works to share it to the world. Whether in his socials, or the magazine he works for.

-It was actually something he did before he aimed for the fashion industry! His investigative streak had to come from somewhere. He was the former head editor of his school magazine, in an international school full of students from different backgrounds. It was actually how he met Alix who was an exchange student at the time, for a Chinese section of the magazine.

-Speaking of Alix, while under the apprenticeship of her parent Mx. Zixin, Rasmus is currently more of a tailor than a designer. So it's part of the job to take measurements from usually high profile personalities, given they can afford a custom outfit straight from the brand. This also means he sometimes ends up eavesdropping on private conversations that he wouldn't have heard otherwise.

-He's one of those types of people that like putting whatever herbs he can in his ice cubes. Mostly just because he can. It's not even for drinks most of the time, he just straight up munches on them.

-He has something called maladaptive daydreaming. Basically he daydreams a lot that he tends to tune out reality to the point of it being a hindrance in his day-to-day life. His triggers especially include music and the fantasy novels he reads. He can't guarantee that he'll read every book recommended to him though. He has an unread stack of shame that he keeps hidden for a reason.

-Rasmus sometimes pulls out the 'it's part of our culture back home' card whenever he does some questionable stuff. Alix can see through that, but gave up trying to stop him. She knows that he just wanted to mess with people. Yes, even his accent is somewhat fake. Well, the accent is real, but the speech patterns aren't.

-He's not just knowledgeable in a lot of health facts, but is incredibly good at first aid, and the necessary procedures needed for most emergency situations. His mom may be a surgeon, but if he had to be in the med field, he's better suited as a paramedic.

-When he came out as pansexual to his parents, they pretended to be surprised.

-Magpies love him. His hair is their nest. At first, it annoyed him because of how much time he puts on keeping his hair neat, and had to result to using citrus oil to repel them... only to find out it's too strong for his nose as well.

-He has this tendency to silently approach someone from behind, catching the person off-guard as if he just teleported. Everyone agrees that someone needs to put a bell on him.

-Rasmus is also pretty good at floriography, or the language of flowers. He can give someone a bouquet to insult them and their ancestors and they would never know.

-Rasmus doesn't have many strong opinions. But prepare for an hour long rant about fast fashion, toxic trends, and unethical practices when you bring up Shein and the like.

Gibby:

-Her full name, Long-armed Gibbon, isn't really a lie. There's just some shapeshifting shenanigans involved.

-Gibby hatched from a pearl! Once, she was but a pearl in an oyster sitting on the seafloor. There's more to Gibby's birth than that, but that'll have to stay under the wraps for now.

-Her gimmick is sand/stardust. Her clones are made of the stuff, after all. Anyone that inhales it immediately falls asleep. This is... also probably a good time to mention she can travel through dreams.

-Remember the secret base Sandy made out of pillows? It didn't go to waste, don't worry. It's been moved inside, where it is now Gibby territory. Her most frequent visitor is a Siamese kitten named Gibby Jr.

-She gets the zoomies at times, which means the gang has to deal with what is basically a comet bouncing off the walls. Not fun for anyone involved. She does make a squeaky noise every impact though.

-One of Gibby's biggest gripes with being tethered to Bell is that she can't write shipping charts and dirty fanfics about her friends. Bear in mind that her definition of dirty is holding hands.

-She hates hats. But really, that's only because they stop her from perching herself on someone's head.

-She loves durian! Although the smell might be hard to ignore, but she couldn't care less. It's better than that one time she ate a kidney stone (Don't ask). She hates jackfruit though, seeing it as the lesser durian.

-She hates it when immortals, demon or celestial, make comments about her wasting her potential. She couldn't grapple their reasoning that she should make a huge name for herself just because she was born powerful. She just wants to have fun, and having all of those responsibilities sound boring.

-She likes chalk! Drawing with them, and eating them. She's envious of her friends' drawing abilities, Wukong and MK's especially, but she doesn't realize how good she is at chalk, not understanding that it's an art medium too.

-Statues, mannequins, wax figurines, and the likes scare her to death. She couldn't understand how a non-living thing can resemble a living person so much, and it scares her to think that it can move whenever she's not looking.

-Gibby actually had a mentor in the past, in the form of Nezha's brother, Muzha. Long story short, Gibby lost control of her powers. But before the Celestial Realm could punish her, Guanyin instead offered to have one of her disciples train her to better control them.

-Where Wukong is See No Evil, and Macaque is Hear No Evil, Gibby is Speak No Evil. One ability she has allows her to mimic a past conversation that took place in the area she's in, with the accuracy down to voice. She's also a horrible liar, and uses technical truths if confronted by an enemy.

-Gibby is talented in many instruments. Just some of them include her flutes, the pipa, the accordion, the pan pipes, and the kalimba. But no matter the instrument, wild animals tend to be attracted to the music she makes.

-She likes animals, but especially bugs. She once went into a pet store with Bell and was completely fixated on an ant farm the entire time. Though if she had to pick a favorite, it's definitely fireflies. Her earliest memories on the Mortal Realm include chasing fireflies in a field.

Bonus facts!

-Bell, Alix, and Rasmus' trio name is the Lush Berry Trio! Why? Let's just say, Lush Berry Jungle is an important location in THE LORE™️.

-Bell and Gibby's duo name is the SeaMonkey duo! I know Gibby's an ape, but shush. I have my reasons.

-Rasmus and Alix's duo name is the Cosmopolitan duo, like the magazine. The blanks fill themselves lmao.

-Bell and Alix sometimes trade each other's unused clothes. They started doing it after finding out they're the same size when Rasmus was taking their measurements.

[stitching-in-time]

Voyager rewatch s4 ep5: Revulsion

This one is quite the hodge-podge of totally disjointed stories. There's a horror story about a murdery hologram, an awkward comedy about Harry getting a crush on Seven, and little subplots about the Doctor wanting to go on more away missions, Tom having to fill in in sickbay, and Tom and B'Elanna deciding to get serious with their relationship. It's a lot, and tonally, none of them really fit together well.

From the first shot of the teaser, which is of a dead body being dragged across a ship by a hologram who's clearly just murdered the guy, it doesn't set a good tone. While it takes our crew the rest of the episode to figure out that the hologram who supposedly lost his crew to disease and requests their help is actually a psycho who murdered them all, the audience knows it from the beginning, which makes the whole episode feel slow, and makes the characters look kinda stupid for not being able to see it right away too. Especially since the actor who plays the hologram is so creepy and unpleasant to watch, and all the scenes on his ship are shot like a horror movie, with him looming ominously behind people in the shadows, while ominous music plays, it just feels way too obvious and heavy handed. (And I never like to see my girl B'Elanna getting put through crap- everyone needs to leave her alone, she puts up with so much!!) Knowing the whole episode that this creepy hologram is going to try to kill her at some point just feels so schlocky exploitation film-ish, it's not fun or interesting to watch in any capacity. I also don't buy that a hologram that's meant to do menial ship maintenance would have a sophistocated enough program that it could pass through some matter, and not others, at the same time, at will. That was just too convenient to be realistic given what we've already established about holographic technology. But luckily B'Elanna is such a badass that even with her injuries, she still managed to destruct his program like a boss. Queen shit, as always. I love her so much!!

And then there's poor Harry, who gets basically a teenage crush storyline over Seven of Nine. It's supposed to be funny, but mostly it's just a heap of secondhand embarrassment. Idk why they have Harry acting like a dumb kid whenever they try to give him a romantic subplot now- he's in his mid-twenties, he's not a kid, and he used to have a hot girlfriend back home, who he used to go to concerts with in his slutty mesh top, which nobody who was shy and awkward would ever wear. He couldn't be that clueless and inept about dating. (Also, I guess he finally gave up on Libby for good at this point! Sorry girl, you're no match for the hottest lady of all- the USS Voyager!) The worst part is that Harry and Seven are actually kind of cute together, and it would have been nice to see them form a normal friendship, but that possibilty was stifled by giving him the stupid crush plot. Tom at least tries to talk him out of going for a romance with someone who's only been human for basically a few weeks, but Harry doesn't listen, and it just gets more awkward. Ugh. why.

Why on earth they expect us to believe that Tom is the most qualified person to fill in as a medic, I have no idea- there's gotta be some science officer who has more medical training than a pilot, but at least they were giving one of the regular characters more screentime, I guess. And I do love to see Tom taking care of people, it's a nice counter to the weird mean version of him from Day of Honor that I still need brain bleach to recover from. (Why would they do that to my sunshine boy??)

One of my favorite scenes in the episode is Tuvok's absolutely lovely and sweet banquet celebrating his promotion. I love when the crew have sit down meals together, it's always the most heartwarming, adorable stuff. Tom and Harry telling a story about a time they pranked him, Janeway presenting him with his pip, and Tuvok's thank you speech are just so perfectly lovely. Everyone is so happy and having so much fun, including Tuvok, and I love to see it. Whenever I see gifs or screenshots of this scene, it's always of Tuvok saying 'in three years I've grown to respect many of you, others, I've learned to tolerate' like he's being bitchy or throwing shade, but in context, he's actually being affectionate- there's a lightness in his voice and a twinkle in his eye, and Tom and Harry smile at him when he says it. This is Tuvok being happy, and expressing his love for his crewmates with his dry Vulcan humor. It's so good!!! Tim Russ does so much with so little- he always manages to convey the full range of Tuvok's thoughts and feelings in the extremely narrow confines of acceptable Vulcan behavior. With the subtlest of intonations and expressions, he shows us his whole personality and his whole heart, it's really exceptional acting. Tuvok has been and will always be my favorite Vulcan character in Star Trek.

Tom and B'Elanna get a small scene at the end of the banquet, where we finally get to see them talk about what happened in Day of Honor. Once again, Tom is the one to break the silence after three days and say they have to talk about it- they give each other a chance to wriggle out of the whole 'I love you' thing, but B'Elanna admits that she really did mean what she said. Tom responds by kissing her, which is adorable, but still missing the crucial words- all they had to do was tack an 'I love you too' on the end of that 'shut up and kiss me'- would that have been so hard??? Tom is always the one who wants to actually talk about stuff, he would not be reluctant to say it! Certainly not more than she was! What gives??? Idk, but they agree to meet up in her quarters at the end of the episode, so I guess we just get to infer that they talked about it later. (But judging from their earlier kiss, they probably just made out the whole time and never came up for air lol)

Tl;dr: The main plots in this one were both pretty poorly executed, but the little character moments sprinkled in were wonderful and made it worth watching.

[tobiasdrake]

Madame Web was good, actually

I should probably qualify that. As a superhero film, Madame Web doesn't hold up. There's extremely little superheroics in it. The big colorful superhero costumes look like bargain Halloween outfits, save for Ezekiel's Edgelord Spider-Man getup. The main villain is a fucking cartoon character who is impossible to take seriously any time he opens his mouth.

But the superhero stuff that the movie isn't very good at takes up only about 3% of the film. The bad costumes only appear for like 10 seconds of combined screentime across the entire film. It's not really a superhero movie.

Madame Web is a horror thriller. It's closer to Final Destination than Spider-Man. It features an asymmetrical conflict of three powerless teenagers and their Found Family adoptive mom trying not to be murdered by Evil Spider-Man. That's what kind of movie this is. It's not a power fantasy. It's a horror flick.

At the heart of the film is Cassie, the film's main protagonist. Immediately likable from the second she steps onscreen, Cassie carries the film whenever she's onscreen. And she's onscreen for like 80% of it.

The way the film introduces her powers is fantastic. Cassie can see the future, something the film makes great use of. This is the one superpower that our protags get; Cassie gets advance warning when Evil Spider-Man's about to show up to rip the girls apart with his bare hands. And it's played to incredible effect; The film uses jarring cuts and cinematography to make you feel every bit of how intrusive and disorienting her powers are from her perspective.

Ezekiel, as noted, sucks as a character. The dialogue he has to read is 100% cheesy "Guy Who Knows He's The Movie's Villain" dialogue and he's directed as the most over-the-top "I AM THE EVIL MAN THIS IS MY EVIL VOICE".

But as a horror monster he worked for me. The fact that he could rip these women in half with his bare hands is never in question, which keeps him menacing and dangerous throughout the movie. He's effectively the film's Terminator, showing up with blood in his eyes whenever it's time for an action sequence - and the film avoids the mistake of having him do something stupid and softball his attacks to give the protagonists more of a fighting chance. He always feels like he's going for the throat.

The heart of the film is its Found Family dynamic. Specifically, this is a movie about mothers and their daughters. That's the central idea the film wants to explore. Cassie's relationship with her mother is placed under a microscope and even managed to make me cry at one point. Meanwhile her Found Family daughters all come from various parental troubles. The bonds they forge with each other and with Cassie are expected to carry the film - And in my book, they succeed.

I don't really know what else to say about this movie. I had a great time.

[waterdeep-weavemoss]

Regarding your work "You Know Better" - I have so many questions! First, why is Tav unhappy with Halsin?

Why does she bounce without so much as a fare-thee-well? Rude.

Why did she and Gale break up?

Why does Gale (presumably) know better?

Could Gale creeping in Tav's subconscious mind be that inciting event? Is Gale the reason she's uncomfy in her choice to be with Halsin? Both historically and currently? Like, is she missing him? Or is he actively messing with her head, making her want to leave?

Where's the rest of this body horror angle you started out so well with?

I do love that piece, but I am impatient and want to see it grow to it's full potential. If I'm being pushy or rude, feel free to tell me to shove off. ❤️

Hey so I just wanted to add your DM to this for the detail:

First, I like how clean and neat your writing is. You convey a lot with not a lot of words. I'm a little bit jealous of that skill. Second, you're right, you don't go heavy on the smut description. You use what little you do include well, though. With regard to writing intimacy, I do think you could go a little further than you did here. Often, it's pointless fucking, but in this case, I think you've got some opportunity to use it to advance the plot and give more details on Tav's relationship with Gale. You can also use it to build Gale's character more. For example, when Tav asks Gale if he thinks he's in control, that's an opportunity for him to show her that he is 100% calling all the shots, and she only has the illusion of control. Depending on where their story is headed, there's even an opportunity to build on that body horror angle, first with Gale taunting her about getting her pregnant even though she's her reluctant to have a child with Halsin, and then, again, depending on the plot, actually getting her pregnant, maybe even against her will. Conversely, if Gale is going to be making her worse, he could bring her around to the idea of having his child - a whole "surrendering her body for his heir" kind of a thing. If you'll pardon the pun, it's fertile ground for some great drama and conflict. In any case, I understand the reluctance to write about it when you don't feel qualified. The best advice I've ever seen when trying to improve any kind of writing is to read other people's work and pull what you like from what they did. I still can't claim to be super comfortable with writing smut, but I do find that the more I do it, the easier it is. I hope at least some of that was helpful. I do hope you have more planned for this one and can't wait to see it!

***

Thank you for the feedback. I'll go through the questions in order.

She's unhappy because she's not interested in being a parent but he has really thrown himself into it. I honestly thought I'd been clear in that but I will take that forward as needing to add more detail in future.

She feels trapped, and doesn't feel like she can't talk it through with him. They have vastly different goals and she feels he doesn't understand her.

Another one that was obvious in my head but didn't translate to the page, they broke up because she was swept up in Halsin's desire for her.

The title is a reference to It Will Come Back by Hozier: 'you know better babe, you know better babe' is the opening of the song.

She both misses Gale and he's messing with her.

The body horror angle was the idea of pregnancy. She's so scared of it/being a parent that she flees a stable life with Halsin.

I hope that helped a bit? I didn't concieve of it as a multi part story, but if you'd like more of it I'd be happy to go from where it left off. The idea of Gale manipulating her intrigues me especially, given she is childfree and wants to remain so.

I have to say this is more detailed/better criticism than I received even in my masters degree, so thank you for that!

[shatteredclangen]

Welcome to ShatteredClan.

It's an uncertain world, but by StarClan, we're gonna survive out here.

See more info below!

Halvedstar - When no one else would step up to take the mantle of leader, Halvedstar gladly took the position herself. She wasn't going to let these sniveling, weak-willed cats be the reason her kit suffered the same fate as her mate... as well as the rest of her former clan. She is most definitely fronting strength and stubbornness to mask the crushing horror of what preceded this clan's formation, but you didn't hear that from me.

Owlgleam - Our poor, very young deputy. Didn't really ask for this position and certainly doesn't feel qualified for it. But when this crowd of shaken-up cats was all Halvedstar had to work with, she pointed at the least likely to have a mid-life crisis and said "you. Deputy." So, here he is. Doing his best!

Shadowfruit - An older cat who took the medicine cat role because nobody else could name five herbs off the top of their head. She claims she saw horrible, burning visions prior to the Destruction, and has been muttering "I knew it, I knew this would happen" over and over again. Halvedstar went "visions and you know that plant stuff? Awesome. Med cat for you."

Wormthistle - Oh she's 100% heading for the elder's den the moment she has the opportunity. As great as she is at sorting out disputes between other cats, she has no ability to calm herself down in a scary situation. Of which we are in. So, she might just be a tiny bit hysterical at the events of recent.

Longchirp - One of the few cats managing to keep his head straight. While the rest are reasonably upset at the devastation surrounding them, Longchirp is more busy giving Halvedstar glares from across their new camp. He does not like her, and honestly, wishes he had spoken up sooner when they were figuring out who the leader would be. Or the deputy, for that matter. Hopefully this won't turn into anything worse than petty arguments.

Badgerspots - Big boy. Big man. Large, powerful man. Could pick me up and throw me. Not much of a talker, Badgerspots tends to simply grunt in response to situations, much preferring to use brawn instead of brain. Not to say he hasn't any brain, though... He's actually pretty smart, knowing how to choose his battles, and when to back down. Unfortunately, this means he is not a himbo. But it's not too late.

Waterpaw - A scrawny little thing who is not happy about anything that's happening. When Halvedstar chose to be his mentor, he should've been honored to have the leader's approval!... But he was not. He was more frightened than anything. But at the very least, he has another apprentice to keep him company...

Cinnamonpaw - Apparently, this cat has decided to cling to his optimism despite the dire circumstances. Always keeping a wary smile on his face, Cinnamonpaw seems to know just what to say to lift the spirits of his solemn clanmates, maintaining a happy hop to his step that most older cats would envy. Let's hope he stays that way.

Weevilkit - Horrible, evil little child. The first thing this child did when I opened the game was make fun of Longchirp, and I'm choosing to believe he's doing it because he knows Longchirp wanted to have his mother's position. This fluffy thing can and will be a menace. I feel it.

Sparrowkit - Separated from his family after The Horrors, Sparrowkit was soon adopted by Badgerspots. He appreciates that, but... he misses his family. He misses home. He worries he won't make it to apprenticeship. None of his littermates did. What makes him think he'd be different?

Well... Let's see what happens, yeah?

[cosmicjoke]

Is there anything that better demonstrates Zeke's total delusion or the self-aggrandizing nature of his actual motivations than the above panels?

Zeke claims his actions are to alleviate the suffering of others, and here he whines about how he and Levi couldn't trust one another because the world Zeke has seen is just "too different" from the one Levi had, and then he says "The successful raid on Liberio seems to have given you false hope. The entire world's forces are about to gather here on this island. You have no idea what that means."

He's speaking here as if he didn't share his plans with Levi because Levi couldn't possibly understand the mercenary nature of war and so couldn't understand the measures Zeke needed to take to diffuse and avoid the coming situation. But Zeke created the coming situation. He literally orchestrated it by convincing Marley to declare war on Paradis and planning out, with Eren, the attack on Liberio with all the worlds ambassadors present, ensuring the worlds nations would band together against Paradis and attack all at once. He literally brought war to Paradis' doorstep, guaranteeing in the process mass death, destruction and suffering.

So Zeke claiming he wants to help people and to alleviate their suffering is nothing but a charade, a lie he tells himself to boost his ego and feed into his self-image of being some sort of benevolent martyr figure.

He's like someone suffering from Munchausen syndrome, creating the problem so he can then receive praise and recognition for fixing it. He's convinced himself that he's somehow uniquely qualified to save the world, while simultaneously and actively making the world a worse place, purposefully and with deliberate intent sowing hostility, violence and outright war, all so he can have the opportunity to "fulfill his destiny" of exterminating the Eldian race, supposedly to end their suffering.

But if he really cared about ending their suffering, he wouldn't be intentionally causing it.

Again, he's actively contributing to that suffering by ensuring war comes to their island and into their lives, and then claiming he wants to alleviate and end it.

This is why I call Zeke a narcissist and a sociopath, because he doesn't care who he has to hurt or what horrors he has to commit as long as it feeds into his self-perception of heroism and martyrdom. Like when he screams out for Mr. Ksaver, saying he hopes he's watching, before he blows himself and Levi up. It's all about being recognized, both by himself and others, for being a so-called hero. He's a lot like Historia in that regard. He wants to be acknowledged for saving people from the "cruel world", while deliberately manipulating events to make them suffer even more.

That makes Zeke, at best, a massive hypocrite, and at worst, a complete con-artist and liar who sees everyone as an acceptable sacrifice to his own ego.