#actually this is a cry for help
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gender is a performance and I'm a theatre kid who doesn't know their lines
#get it#because im confused#trans#nonbinary#genderfluid#transmasc#gender is a social construct#theater kid#actually this is a cry for help
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Being an actor is great because you can cry in your room as loud as you want and your roommate will just think you're rehearsing 👍👍👍
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the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.
sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.
you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.
it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.
but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.
they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.
they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.
barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.
and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.
but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.
they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!
this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.
#this shifts gender so much bc it actually affects everyone#yes it's a gendered phenomenon. i have written a LOT about how different genders experience it. that's for a different post.#writeblr#ps my comments about seeing someone cry -- this is not to shame any person#and on this blog we support workers.#at the same time it's a really hard experience to see someone that looks like you. clearly in agony. and have them forced to keep going.#when you're young it doesn't necessarily look like acting. it looks scary. and that's what this is about - the fact that teens#have likely already been exposed to that definition of things. because the internet exists#and without the context of healthy education. THAT is the image burned into their minds about what it looks like.#it's also just one of those personal nuanced biases -#at 19 i thought it was normal to be in pain. to cry. to not-like-it. that it should be perfunctory.#it was what i had seen.#and it didn't help that my religious upbringing was like . 'yeah that's what you get for premarital. but also for the reference#we do think you should never actually enjoy it lol'#so like the point im making is that ppl get exposed to that stuff without the context of something more tender#and assume .... 'oh. so it's fine i am not enjoying myself'. and i know they do because I DID.#he was my first boyfriend. how was i supposed to know any different#i didn't even have the mental wherewithal to realize im a lesbian . like THAT used to suffering.
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hold on I'll make this my personality for 3 months
#i cannot get over how phoenix slowly started appreciating apollo throughout aa4#THE END OF AA4 WHERE HE SAYS “THEY'RE IMPORTANT TO ME TOO” TO THALASSA IN CONTEXT OF TRUCY AND APOLLO#I'M CRYING PHOENIX#it took you 2 YEARS to tell him that Yes you believe in him#at least it actually helped apollo here but you really should use your time wisely lmao#(why haven't you told Them they're siblings yet. apollo is out of the fucking country now what have you DONE)#ace attorney#phoenix wright#apollo justice#gattocatto's silly posts#gattocatto's ramblies
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I'm always gonna fight to come home to my family
#i call this one: pain#911 abc#9-1-1#911edit#911 spoilers#911gifs#911#kk.gifs#also shoutout to user linoyes for helping me out when I reached out of the blue#and also the general giffing community on tumblr and how helpful everyone is#it's an actual pleasure to keep learning new tricks everyone's so willing to share#and then using them to make people (mostly myself and julian) cry :)#(also i hate editorialising about my sets but i wanna make it pretty clear#this isn't about helena#this is about eddie and his beliefs and his loss and grief okay thanks)
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I love (and still can't get over) the fact that despite Stolas being absolutely exhausted, and after everything that happened in FM and AT between them, he answered with the most sincere "Always"
#i might actually cry#The music does not help 😭#they are on a good track but#I'm begging that they talk next episode#this moment still feels unreal just like the kiss#helluva boss#helluva boss fandom#helluva boss season 2#helluva spoilers#helluva boss mastermind#mastermind spoilers#mastermind#mastermind helluva boss#stolitz#blitzo x stolas#stolas x blitz#blitz x stolas#stolas goetia#stolas#stolas helluva boss#blitz helluva boss#blitzø#helluva boss blitz#helluva blitz#blitzo
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Fearbook Ghouls
#my art#monster high#mh g3#mh#monster high g3#draculaura#twyla boogieman#twyla#twyla boogeyman#i dont remember how its spelled 😭#toralei stripe#the new dolls are sooo good i really hope they get here someday#this is a cry for help mattel#do you want my money#man i don't like how twyla turned out i may draw her again by herself#i hate how it all turned out actually#oh well
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imagine being an ensign aboard the uss enterprise and an alien lady steals your commander’s fucking brain. they took his brain out of his head and ran away with it. I would quit on the spot
#like I understand it’s deep space but I did not sign up for this#and he had to help them put it back in like I’m crying#can’t even be mad at the doctor bc what the actual fuck#Spock’s brain#star trek#star trek tos#spock#Star Trek s3e1
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#oldest daughter#girlblogging#this is what makes us girls#im just a girl#coquette#new blog#sylvia plath#female hysteria#girlhood#this is a girlblog#lizzy grant#im so tired#actually mentally ill#abandoment issues#mommy issues#this is a cry for help#gloomy girl#coquette angel#girlcore#girlrotting#girl hysteria#hell is a teenage girl#girl things#gaslight gatekeep girlblog#gaslight gatekeep girlboss#girl blogger#girl blog#gravestones#odd#macabre
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Bruh emotional support ghost kid? Well thats what they are calling him
Suicide cases in gothem are about to fucking plummet boiz cause this one weird blue eyes, black haired boy is now heading to your location.
How does he know where to be? Having a bad day and are all alone? No the fuck your not cause don’t turn around now but theres some shiny blue eyes coming at you from that dark ally. Oh shit hes here to drop some information about you and your lost loved ones that he should know. Oh god the closure. How could you have been afraid on this sweet, creepy, boy who just helped you find your way.
Meanwhile Danny is chillin in Gothem cause the GIW hate it there (none of they equipment actually functions in Gothem so it’s either super haunted or actually not haunted at all). Then all of a sudden he gets approached by a random ghost begging for his help because their sweet baby girl is about to do something horrible. Oops now all the ghosts are following their most loved ones around just to make sure they are there to rush to Danny for help when all else fails. Now hes getting to fulfil his protection obsession double time because one hes helping protect people from themselves and two hes protecting everyone in Gothem by stopping people from becoming villains for revenge. Plus he gets to see first hand how hes making a difference because all those people he saved are sending him some good vibes from all across Gothem.
Thank god he followed Jazz around so much to slightly absorb some of her phycology knowledge over the years. Plus it was actually pretty interesting so she gave him her old text books. Shes also helping him deal with the rare events where he can’t save someone. Just a moment too late or he stops them but they later succeeded in the hospital. Neither are his fault. Now only if he could convince his core of that.
Anyway why Gothem you ask? Amity Park would have been just as good tbh but imagine Batmans face when he finally gets to be face to face with the emotional support ghost boy. Why is he here? Bruce is fine. Batman is fine. Hes not gonna do anything crazy. It’s just a hard time of year. Around their death always gives him grief. But hes an adult and can manage it.
“You know they are so proud of you.” The boy states. As if it’s clear as day, even though it’s Gothem and never a clear day. Batman blinks at him, stunned for a moment. “What?” This boy can’t possibly know that. No one will ever know that, Bruce can only hope. “They see their home, full of such life. That big house that felt so empty, so cold, to them as well for years. Then you filled it with Family and Love like they had always wanted for you. They are so proud of what you have turned it into. Somewhere full of life and warmth.” A small smile graces his face as finally “you have made your parents so proud” and its all he can do to contain himself. Emotions are running high and sue him because he really did need to hear that ok. The boy suddenly looks to Bruces right with a confused face “aren’t all basements like that though?” Before Bruce can even get a word in hes gone. Just vanished before his eyes.
#danny phantom#danny fenton#dpxdc#dp x dc#batman#I just wanted to write danny walking up to the buggest toughest batman and make him cry tears of relief#danny is helping his subjects find closure while always feeding his protection obsession#let him be interested in his sisters word#also god imagine bruce just having a bad time of it cause is the anniversary of his parents death#than the ghost kid just walks up and tells him exactly what he needed to heat#yes they are proud of the word batman does#he knows he has saved lives#but what about him as a father#would his father be ashamed of his parenting skills#would his mother be discusted at how he treats his children#he always remembers his parents as good parents so he wants to do right by them by also being a good parent#anyone can risk their life for another but few can be a good father#actually it’s easy just love your kids and sont walk out and leave them with an insane bitch of a mother#dad im lookin at you#and dknt marry your fucking step sister dad#isnt our family tree circle enough. why must u follow in grandmothers footsteps#at least with him is marrage related aye?#oops im rabling about my daddy issues teehee
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Remember: The burning sensation is part of the process.
#Mouthwashing#blood#body horror#Emphasizing here that this is in reference to a media and character and not a cry for help on my end.#Mouthwashing is one of those games that tickles my brain and checks all the boxes for my niche interests -#-but it wasn't something that got the silly comic part in my cortex firing up. My analysis brain is eating well though!#What said...It is impossible for me to see this scene and not say out loud: “Me in the middle of my work day".#While there is a lot more going on with curly I personally resonated a lot with his struggles with burnout.#Burnout feels like mouthwash to me. That you keep rinsing out your mouth trying to get rid of the rotting smell#but it's just surface level solutions. The real cure requires something far more significant to actually make a difference.#The job 'is hard' and 'everyone struggles'. It's part of the process right? You're tired? Anxious? Depressed? Us too! Chin up!#Actually I resonated with a lot of things within Curly (this is a curly positive space - he's not perfect. He's just human).#One thing being his desire to see the good in people and believe in their potential.#Because here's the thing. Some people truly do just need someone in their corner who stands by them so they can grow and improve.#And some people will take advantage of your kindness. You focus so much on their humanity while you stop being a person to them.#The horrifically toxic relationship persists because Curly tries to see the bigger picture and believes in the good within.#Anyone who has lived through constantly trying to reframe the hurt as something else knows-#-just how many excuses your brain will make to avoid cognitive dissonance. It's human psychology.#Jimmy sucks so bad. But we the audience have the privilege of not having years of baggage associating him in our minds as 'friend'.
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1x08 || 3x08
Welcome back Peneloise 💞
#why am i actually crying now#god help me#bridgerton#peneloise#penelope featherington#eloise bridgerton#bridgerton s1#bridgerton s3#bridgerton parallels#bridgerton spoilers#penelope bridgerton
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i'm sending this endless melody to a nameless you
#SKELETON ORCHESTRA AND LILIA I NEED YOU#project sekai#emunene#emu otori#nene kusanagi#pjsk#prsk#proseka#wxs cover wishlist copium.. 2!!#i have lots more of them i wanna draw but ill do st least one duet for each pair i think. maybe nnks next ive had one for them forever#Gyaaaa#Crying i have szks lunar new years art that idk how to render im missing the holiday. lord in heaven#Ik every leaker or whatever says this is going to mmj snd it probably will and i'll love the cover but still. emunene save me#wxs gets songs with nonsense lyrics its possible right Right right#i also wanted setsuna trip to go to emu in any duet but i looove the mnai cover so i won anways#Kind of too sleepy to do my usual. Sorry viewers who like reading theough my insane tags. Dont get covid it makes you sleep 13 hours a day#For the next month.#my friends saw me going nuts over this drawing actually and i gave up hard on nenes dress i just wanted to be done.. love how emus looks..#wait i actually can be insane in the tags THE WXS WORLDLINK SONG SJHDDYDJKYMY TGYAYDHUA!!! HAGSGYAAH!!!!! GY6;$;$;$;$;$ WHEHEHEHEHEH#WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH. Its so good please help. Wxs tetrad that illuminates the world save me.#why does the 2dmv have all of them under a WEDDING AROOOR WHY IS THERE A WEDDING BELL. CONGRATS ON POLYSHO MARRIAGE. HWATEVVRR!!!!!#wonderlands x showtime killing me taking damage augh Auughg akk akcghj
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Feels good to have a good old fashioned life-consuming hyperfixation again.
#this is a cry for help#im having fun though#in my element#the 2020 fangirl in me is thriving rn#arcane#arcane league of legends#arcane season 1#arcane season 2#arcane viktor#arcane jayce#arcane jinx#arcane vi#arcane ekko#jayvik#timebomb#caitvi#arcane caitlyn#aracne hyperfixation#hyperfixation#fan culture#do actually send help tho#we're in the trenches now girlies
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when your main characters start dating after years of writing so they finally get to be like this
#rare WIP preview from me#this is in like. 10 episodes. lmfao#its been really hard working this far ahead#my editor isnt giving me any feedback and my friends are very busy so it's felt quite lonely#which is fine! for my friends I mean. but its my editors job to give me feedback...#but the webtoon editors are extremely extremely extremely overworked and my series is set to end so I understand its low priority#its not her fault its webtoons fault. however. its still demotivating...#oh well l m a o#I should be much further ahead ngl LMFAO I want like 12 done but I come back in 2 weeks.#we'll see#when I get really stressed out I go full gamer mode#and usually I'll sink like 60 hours (like 5 days) into a game and then I'm good and move on#but this recent game that grabbed me is. its too much actually#bit uncontrollable ngl I think its an ADHD thing I mostly have just quit playing videogames at all#cause its like yeah being stressed cause theres too much work to do is not going to be helped by losing a week and a half to a game...#and yet.#anyways the game is satisfactory#my friend bought it for me and we've been playing together#and our shared file has. 100 hours on it. and we still havent beaten the game#we're close to beating it and it's not like we're rushing or anything#cause its fun to fuck around and zap eachother or whatever#but it's got me doing math. the exact kind of math I love to do. optimization#and its reminding me yeah in another life id have been an engineer#I'm glad I'm an artist but its always weird like yeah this is easily a path I could have gone down#'artists hate math' speak for yourself doing math calms me down! I love math!#I love math and I love business. I'm almost the perfect artist but I hate advertising so. we can't have it all#anyways theyre so fucking cute its sickening. I love them so much. I could cry#WIP#lineart#time and time again
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Too many people are commenting on Fukuzawa not mentally including Dazai when thinking of the ADA and now I'm scared.
I find it hard to believe that the same agency that has multiple plans in place to resuscitate Dazai if he were to take his life would be so eager to just get rid of him.
As much as I'd like to see some sokouku shenanigans this would be a slap in the face towards everything that Dazai's character arc is built on.
#i know most of them are jokes#but id cry if he actually did go back#but ive also been in an Oda mood recently#and its not helping#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bsd dazai#bungo stray dogs#dazai#dazai osamu#cory talks bsd
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