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moons-of-dewclan · 9 months ago

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I was curious how to get your clan really set off? I recently (LIKE EARLIER TODAY JFJSJFJ) started my own clangen blog but idk if it's worthy of Tumblr😭

How can I improve my art and improve my process? You're one of my BIGGEST inspirations ngl you're literally him (or her or they I'm so sorry I never caught your pronouns) but I was just curious on how to be better? If you wanna look, don't. It's like, rlly bad so.... save your eyes. Have a lovely nighttt <33

HELLOOOOO I'M NOT 100% SURE WHAT YOU MEAN BY SET OFF I'M SORRY :{ if you mean to get people reading it, i think it's vastly just luck also appealing to an audience by accident i posted my art online for 10 years (i started posting in 2010 as a wee ka- told you i'm an adult haahahueu) before anyone showed consistent interest and i valued those two or so commenters who occasionally had something to say about my stuff, so much LAKSNLKD. that entire decade i got between 2 and 30 favourites for every piece i posted- usually between 2 and 10- until around 2021 when a making a comic aANNND joining a wolf ARPG group exposed me to many kindred art-enjoyers that wanted to keep up with my goofy stories then for some reason, i posted Dewclan's first page on tumblr and it got way more engagement than any other piece of art i've ever posted SO LAKSDNLKDAS WE CANNOT PREDICT THESE THINGS.. at least i can't if you're looking for engagement, pLS AIM FOR ENGAGEMENT THAT FEELS MEANINGFUL over anything else IN MY OPINION, and it's just my opinion- part of being 'better' is, first and foremost, being able to enjoy your art alone. and then being excited with what you choose to share! even if you don't care about your quality of art, care about the story. if you don't care about the story, care about the process and just having fun. but you have to have fun in doing it, and do it for your own eyes primarily. like if you were alone in a room and creating only for yourself! because, until you happen to find others who like what you're liking, you are then when someone is interested and you get to share that excitement, even that ooone comment on something you care about is OOGHHH SUCH A NICE FEELIN. enter communities, comment on other artists' work, try to make friends! but make sure to remember, if you create with the hopes others will like it, without liking it yourself, you're going to be really broken down if someone doesn't like it FOR you :{ loving your own art is tough work but it's integral to your longterm relationship with drawing ON IMPROVING.. for me, nothing is more integral to improving than finding a way to practice that suits you (looking at live figures doesn't help me at all. i don't know why. it's insane), and having fun doing it. i can't grasp anatomy unless i break it down with shapes. SHAPES ARE EVERYTHING. study the shapes of what you want to draw. break em down by tracing simple shapes over your subject. see if the leg is the same length as the head from muzzle to neck and lock that info in. STUFF LIKE THAT on the technical side of things, it can be super helpful to dedicate half an hour or so to drawing a day- eventually it becomes a habit and you just default to 'oh i think i wanna draw' when you've got nothing else to do. more drawing, more improvement!

HONESTLY THO another important thing is not putting yourself down. i know it's a hard habit to break (i struggle with it outside of art myself!), but it doesn't do you any favours. the more you rag on yourself, the more it'll manifest as something that actually damages your art, AND your relationship with it. let it be fun- don't sabotage yourself! you can be critical of your work and still kind! little tip here, improving can take a while, but experimenting with styles can make an INSTANT shift in how you perceive your stuff. ALSOOO EXPERIMENT WITH DIFFERENT BRUSHES FOR SKETCHING AND LINING. I PROOMISE. PLS DO IT. IT'S LIKE A MAGIC TRICK. i cannNNNOT sketch with a hard brush. everything looks horrible. marker brush tho?? so smooth. full of character. lovely. binary brush sketches? suddenly i'm Anime. pencil brush?? i digidevolve back into baby ka who loved to crosshatch and do semi realism. airbrush??? i explode into atoms actually

i find for a lot of people, they don't need to improve or be 'better' at art, they need to learn to enjoy what they're capable of doing now, and improvement is a byproduct. from what i've seen through the years, unless you work to curb it the negative view of your art will stick with you no matter what 'skill level' you get to bc the calls' comin from inside the house, yknow what i mean 3: it can be a long process to learn to accept your art, and sometimes you just plain grow out of it over time! but in the meantime it can't hurt to make efforts to fight your d e m o n s

I'M SORRY I WROTE SO MUCH IK YOU DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS ALL IT ISN'T JUST TO YOU, ODESSY-CLAN BLOG RUNNER, IT'S AIMED AT ANYONE WITH ARTSY SELF DOUBTS. i hope i phrased everything kindly bc i meant it all kindly 3: i hate to see an artist doubt their work, but THERE IS NO SHAME IN IT. i want to encourage loving it regardless of any flaws tho, even though it takes time!

#kasks

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toxiccrybabymatureart · 2 years ago

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I posted 18 times in 2022

That's 18 more posts than 2021!

10 posts created (56%)

8 posts reblogged (44%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@toxicfucksaround

@toxiccrybabyart

@y0ur-beta-b0yfriend

@aghostisdrawing

@toxiccrybabymatureart

I tagged 15 of my posts in 2022

Only 17% of my posts had no tags

#nonbinary artist - 11 posts

#artists on tumblr - 10 posts

#y0urb0yfriend - 8 posts

#no minors - 8 posts

#minors dni - 8 posts

#digital art - 6 posts

#digital artist - 6 posts

#oc art - 5 posts

#mc - 5 posts

#macey kane - 5 posts

Longest Tag: 27 characters

#your boyfriend (game/day 3)

My Top Posts in 2022:

This is Haeres, a demon lord of the shadows, having an affair with his servant Cresil (the one doing most of the seducing, Haeres usually is far too embarrassed to ever try seducing Cresil.)

Haeres is married to a lesbian demon lady named Hiroko, who only has eyes for her rather flirtatious servant Melros. The two agreed early on into their arranged marriage that this arrangement was for the best, having already asked their love interests first.

Context out of the way, here’s my demon lad rocking a new design, hopefully I can get into drawing them all more and sharing the art with you all.

Now I know you might be wondering, why is this marked as mature?

That’s because the story is, 80% smut and 20% plot so, yeah these Ocs are used for only the horniest of reasons and as such can only be shared on a mature blog.

8 notes - Posted January 22, 2022

Welcome to part 2 of my YB Art collection. Yes I’m posting this right after part 1, I have a lot of shit to post here and it’s my blog I do what I want.

Anyways here’s a redraw of a scene from the Your Boyfriend game.

Here’s some outfits I made for my interpretation of Y/N

See the full post

10 notes - Posted January 3, 2022

Late but MC and YB enjoying a sweet Valentine’s Day milkshake date together.

I started this like, weeks ago and just forgot to finish it so, my bad.

17 notes - Posted February 17, 2022

Highschool YB and MC.

Started as a doodle but then I got carried away.

22 notes - Posted March 27, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Here’s the man himself, the redesign I said I’d share.

He’s called Wybie, because Coraline was MC’s favorite movie in highschool.

He looks kinda like a scene kid I’m not sure how that happened but it’s fine because alt people are muah, chefs kiss, Easily the best fashion style, fight me.

So what’s the difference between this Peter and in game Peter?

Quite a few things. For example, Wybie actually respects aromantic and asexual people. Don’t get me wrong he’s still a weirdo he just, you know, doesn’t invalidate your sexual or romantic orientation. Same with lesbians, even official blog Peter was weird about lesbians. Wybie is not. Your a lesbian, he respects that, but he’s your best friend and you can’t have a partner with him in your life, obviously. That being said he’s still very much a “I’m the only person in your life, regardless of if we’re friends or lovers” kinda yandere, though he can be, helped to be less obsessive of that but it’s a long road.

He also would rather die than use any violence on you, at all. None. Your his beloved, after all, only scum hurts their partners.

He’s mindful of your consent, as well. You don’t consent to something he’s not gonna do it. Well, aside from obviously the stalking, maybe taking a few things you no longer want or need but, sexual wise, nothing is done without permission.

If you don’t like any of this that’s fine, I’m not shaming anyone for still liking Peter. I just personally don’t like the way the game is going and so spite fueled me to make a version for myself and anyone else who feels betrayed by the game. Others have done this better, like @y0ur-beta-b0yfriend who is phenomenal honestly. I just wanted to try my hand out making a yb design is all.

24 notes - Posted April 7, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review ��

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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27thetherealmoon · 2 months ago

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Hello. it’s me again! How are you? Sorry it took me ages to write another massage but you know, I was crying (again) a few hours after I send my massage for I fear I have hurt your feelings or upsetting you somehow (Hey, I also have high paranoia) so I’m really glad it wasn’t the case. :)

I love LOVE the Furina you have created. The Furina that subconsciously forgetting her past because it was too hurt to remember. The Furina that cares so much about people who ended up hurting her. The Furina that so beautiful with her white eyelashes and started to loving it and herself . The Furina that still didn’t know there’s people who love her and care for her. The Furina that doesn’t want to be a burden to other people even when she’s dying. The Furina that so strong she finds a new purpose and goes out of her way to finding herself. The Furina that perfectly human and very dear to me (to you as well, it seems). Ahh I would missed her so much. 🥹

Regarding your two reasons, I knew one of it is because your mental health, a quick look at your account proved that and because I’m struggling with mental health issues too, I understand. If writing Furina in her lowest point effecting you negatively then it was a wise decision to take a break from continuing the story or distancing yourself from it. Your mental health and happiness matter more. but I just can’t stand by and watch the author of my favorite story belittling her own work in her profile like that, that’s why I came here – to give you piece of my mind.

And to your second reason, no, you’re not pathetic for hating hoyo. I’m a twitter girl (I rarely ever used tumblr anymore, actually) but I also hate hoyo as a company (like, screw you hoyo!). I know hoyo has been a HUGE disappointment after disappointment lately, especially with the whitewash of Natlan characters. but trust me when I said that most of twitter people also doesn’t like them, and have been very vocal about it (at least that’s what I always seen in my timeline). Though, in gi twitter fandom – from what I’ve noticed – is that most of them is aware that hoyo’s a shitty company but they also acknowledge, and bitterly accepting the fact that they complains wouldn’t be heard and the company would never change. Only the CN fandom can. And they have a mindset that it’s okay to enjoy something while also criticizing them, in hope that the company would her you and changes. It doesn’t make you a hypocrite, I promise.

Me myself haven’t played the game for few months now because the story got so boring after 4.2 AQ and because Hoyo. But I never once thought that me making nvfr fanarts was me supporting Hoyo as company. That’s a very interesting way to think about fan works honestly. I’m making nvfr fanarts simply because I love them. be it as their own characters and together as a ship. In return, they improved me, like a lot. My love for them motivated me to draw them more and improved my drawing skills. They prompted me to share my works with the fandom, which I still feel very insecure about every time I posted my arts. and they introduced me to a lot of kind people in the community– I even finally make some mutuals there ehe. In the end though, I draw them for myself. not for hoyo, not for the community, just for me, because I love them.

It’s funny, because everything that you said that makes you frustrated of mihoyo is what make your story special. your hard works to make sure everything was represented right and the details you put through in your story, that hoyo didn’t bother with, was obvious and very much amazing. Not only hoyo as a company, but I rarely ever find a story that goes into details about language differences, foods, clothes, heck even skin care! You’re the only one who bother to put skin care in your fic (at least from all nvfr fanfics I have ever read). And trust me, all your hard work was very much appreciated by me and everyone who read your story.

As much as I want to know more about tphh, I also want to move on from them. Seeing them in my bookmarks still hurt you know. It’s not helping that you didn’t change the moderate your comments options before you orphaned the story. Now every new comment wouldn’t reach anyone and goes straight to the archive. In fact, I left a comment there before I came here because I knew my massage won’t reach you. And I’m sure I’m not the only one who left comment for I know there are still many people who love tphh, even bookmarked them, despite knowing the story would forever unfinished.

You already spoiled tphh a lot if you asked me and I’m afraid my curiosity and enthusiasm wouldn’t be sated if I was to ask more spoiler from you, hence I couldn’t move on. But there is one thing that still gnawing at my brain, like how do you planning Neuvillette finds out Furina is gone? because your story was so different from others runaway or lost Furina’s stories that I can’t imagine how your Neuvillette gonna know. And if Clorinde’s reaction already makes me cry a river, I can only imagine Neuvillette’s would be a heart-wrenching one, if not more. As for future chapters, just knowing Furina would heals and find so much love is enough for me. 🤍

Lastly, I wished, like how Furina’s story goes in your mind, that your stories, too, would go to the same direction. That you wouldn’t feel insecure when you uploaded your works to the fandom and that you would heal and be better. 🤍

P.s. I’m too shy and awkward when it comes to direct conversation (heck I need days to write this massage only and because English isn’t my first language either) so I would left this massage in your ask box, if you don’t mind! Also, sorry for the wall of messy text.

P.s. 2: I always thought your username was spelled 27-the-the-real-moon and it turns out it is spelled 27th-ethereal-moon. What a beautiful username 🥺

Hi!! I'm so happy to hear from you again! I'm doing alright atm. How are you?

Don't worry, your message definitely didn't hurt my feelings. I was actually really happy to hear from someone after I orphaned TPHH. I honestly kind of assumed people would just... not really care much? So the fact that you cared enough to find my tumblr and message me really touched me, as did your words.

I really love the way you described TPHH Furina. It's honestly kind of crazy to me how much of the character I wanted to build is already in the fic because it feels a bit like I cut the story off right at the start before anything could really happen, but your words made me realise that a lot of who she is and who she would develop into is already there. I'm honestly kind of proud of myself for that, which is a very weird feeling because I usually don't feel like this.

I can't lie that "a quick look at your account proved that" made me laugh for five whole minutes. What gave it away? 💀 I'm not gonna go into too much detail here because it makes people quite uncomfortable, but I feel the need to elaborate a bit.

One big mistake a lot of writers make is drawing too much from personal experience and putting too much of themselves into their story and it's a mistake I make with every story I write as well.

Hibernaculum is tied to my weird relationship with my family, specifically my father and my brother but also my mother. It's a very easy thing to write about (for me at least) because most of this is far in the past and I've worked through a lot of it. I understand what happened, have an idea why these things happened, and I have a good idea of how things will continue to affect me in the future.

The Perfect Human Heart is tied to struggles I have had my whole life, struggles that haunt me right now and will probably continue to haunt me until I'm dead, but in ways and for reasons that I don't understand, can't predict and can't work through at all considering how my life is currently going. So sitting down and writing about a Furina who's plagued by familiar thoughts (for different reasons) became very personal and overwhelming very quickly and also became very taxing for me. It would probably take me years to get to a state where I could actually write for TPHH (specifically writing out Furina's thoughts and problems) without risking my own health like I have in the past few months. I could've probably predicted this, but oh well.

Thank you for giving me a piece of your mind. I appreciate it.

What really got me alongside the whole Natlan whitewashing bullshit was that one GGZ ad (idk if you knew this but the game still exists in china and I think japan?) with a bunch of little girls in bathing suits bending over, spreading their legs, covered in tentacles etc. Like... Hoyo sucks so much. And in so many different ways, too. It would be impressive if it wasn't so incredibly sad and upsetting. It also attracts very weird people, specifically the people who used to make fun of genshin players who now suddenly support genshin, hsr and especially zzz because hoyo isn't "woke", which makes online discussions about the games and any form of criticism aimed at hoyo as a company basically impossible. Being in fandoms at all right now is incredibly exhausting and kind of miserable and it takes the fun out of things (that's the one beautiful thing about the naruto fandom tbh. It doesn't change. No matter how much time passes, the discourse always stays the same as if it was cursed to be frozen in time in 2014).

I've never been great with the whole "separate the art from the artist" thing. Sometimes I can do it pretty well(ish) and sometimes I can't do it at all. I did a decent job at it after Sumeru released because I simply stopped spending money on genshin or any other hoyo game and focused on supporting artists who represented sumeru more accurately. Then, when I started to plan out TPHH, I swore that I would be one of the artists who worked hard to depict these countries more accurately by doing ny very best to research every country that is supposed to be represented in these nations as much as possible. And that also worked for a bit, but it didn't really fix the underlying issue of me really beginning to resent hoyo. I already talked about this in my last answer, so I'm not going to repeat myself, but you know what I mean. Hoyo kept fucking things up and in the process of trying to fix it for tphh I realised how easy it can be to not fuck up completely and that made me resent the game more and more.

I think the whole "fanworks to some extent always means supporting the company/the artist" thing that is buried in my head and haunts every piece of fanwork that I post comes from JKR and the way she has talked about harry potter fans and how she sees them now, but it's also more complicated than that. It has to be because Kishimoto isn't a great person either, but I haven't axed Hibernaculum yet. Maybe I'm just a giant hypocrite idk.

I used to be really active in the fandom as well and I really wanted to interact more with artists and fan accounts (I used to look at neuvifuri fanart to motivate myself to write) but I never ended up doing it (because I don't know how to talk to people but also somehow talk way too much, as you can see). It's a nice space, and I miss how much fun everyone was having when they came up with theories between 4.0 and 4.2. It was a cool space. I really loved those long threads people were making on Twitter about furinas lore and where it might go. It was fun. I haven't really interacted much with the fandom since I axed TPHH but the few things I've seen make it seem like the fandom really cooled down a lot, probably because hoyos repeated fuck ups put everyone in a weird mood and that's just really sad to see (and obviously because Fontaine is no longer the main focus right now because I think the natlan patch is out now? Idk I haven't played in months either).

The small details were honestly my favourite parts to write in this fic. Talking about how languages change and develop and how Furina still speaks a lot of languages that have died out (or are currently in the process of dying out because standart teyvat is getting more and more popular in pretty much all of the nations, pushing the languages there out of the way) or have become almost unrecognizable in the last 500 years as an example was really fun. People always talk about how Furina is 500 years old, but they never talk about how much things change in 5 centuries. Yes, she is/was one of the youngest archons (probably, I don't think we ever found out how old she actually is if you count human years + oceanid years), but 500 years is so much fucking time. So many things that you'd think are eternal will crumble in that time, and so many things that you thought will crumble stay untouched. Skincare formulas change for the worse, clothing, hairstyles, makeup, and even furniture go in and out of fashion, city layouts shift, houses collapse, etc. The world Furina saw when she was first brought into that world is in a lot of ways entirely different than the world she lives in now and I kind of wish people focused on this stuff more so I tried my best to implement that to the best of my abilities. Also the differences in culture in different countries and regions is one of the most interesting things about travelling so writing about it was genuinely awesome. What foods are more popular in different nations and regions (I think I mentioned that the people of Fontaine eat a lot more fish than as an example Liyue? I'm not sure) and other cultural differences like Liyue producing better skin care than Fontaine was such a fun thing to come up with and something that I did in an attempt to breathe a bit more life into the world, so to hear that that worked makes me really happy.

The comment thing you mentioned is actually quite strange because I remember approving all comments, then going into settings to turn off comment moderation, saving it, and then going to orphan the fic. Like, I definitely remember doing that. I wanted to make sure that people could voice their frustrations without having to tell me directly because I know a lot of people aren't comfortable with talking to people directly like this. I *know* that I did that. Then again I also had to change the settings on Hibernaculum like three times because it kept changing it back to "only registered users can comment" even after I changed it to all users (and saved it! I save it every time I swear that's not the problem. I check this stuff obsessively!). Ao3 is really weird right now, at least for me, and I have no idea why.

How Neuvillette finds out is actually kind of a complicated story point (because everything I write is kind of complicated for some reason), but I'll try to keep it short:

First thing you need to know is that Neuvillette wanted to give Furina a Vision (like a month after the flood while she was rotting away in her house) and planned to use that vision as a reason/excuse to visit her (because he thought she didn't want to see him but if he was there to give her something like a vision she would *have* to open her door, right?). However, no matter how much Neuvillette tried, he couldn't manifest a vision for her. He could make one for other people and they work well too, but he couldn't do it for her (he thinks it's some punishment from the heavens or something and tries to do research in the whole thing but it's actually because having a wish/an ambition is what makes the creation of a vision possible and Furina at that point wishes for nothing at all, so she literally doesn't have that spark that would tie the vision to her and make it uniquely hers, which is why Neuvillette can't make her one.)

The second thing to know is that Furina is getting sicker and sicker the further she gets away from Fontaine. Baizhu has no idea why and she starts living and helping out at the apothecary until Zhongi recommends that she should meditate close to the water, like a lake or the ocean or something, because that might improve at least her mental state (he's full of shit, he knows that she used to be an oceanid and that oceanids get sick for a while when they distance themselves from fontaines waters and remembers that hanging out around water used to help with the symptoms of her illness before she ascended. He simply assumes that that illness stayed with her even after she was turned human). She listens to him and starts to read and meditate close by the harbour to enjoy the ocean. One day, when she meditates, she tries to really centre herself and connect to the world and find inner peace and ends up actually connecting to the waters in Liyue.

I kind of romanticised/imagined the powers oceanids have as something divorced from the power of the sovereign in a way. That they have an extra spark of something in them, something unique stemming from egeria or from the shade of life, which makes them an independent force that can't be controlled by the Hydro Archon or by neuvillette (kind of as an explanation for why furina didn't order them to come back/couldn't order them to return when they rebelled/left while she was still pretending to be a little dramatic tyrant archon). That means that Furina had her own powers before she split herself and created a human vessel, and her tapping back into them despite officially being human would show that she still has that spark from her mother in her even though she's now human. Like a "despite everything it's still you" moment, even if she doesn't understand it as that in that moment (because she doesn't really understand what's happening at all due to her missing memories).

Neuvillette would feel that moment when she connects to the waters for the first time in several centuries, and while he wouldn't be able to tell where she is in the world he'd know that she felt too distant to be in fontaine (and because this fic was planned before the lantern rite he also wouldn't be able to leave fontaine because thats what a lot of people assumed before that because his presence was keeping ousia and pneuma stable, but oh well). The little spark of Furinas presence in the waters of teyvat would flicker back out (because she simply wouldn't be strong enough at that moment to hold it for longer than a few seconds and she'd be scared that she's capable of making that type of connection in the first place) and Neuvillette would go to Furinas house to check if she's really gone because he can't believe it. He would find both Chlorinde and Wriothesley there who both took vacation from their jobs because "the effects of the flood finally caught up to them too and they need a break" and he finds out that both of them believe that Furina got kidnapped or murdered by the fatui because they found evidence that she had contact to dilucs anti fatui spy network and sent him info that her own spy network collected (you know, the one that canon kind of forgot about after mentioning it once at the start of the game) and that shes been gone for like... a while now. Neuvillette realises that Furina connection didn't feel like the way humans with visions connect to the waters of Teyvat (and remembers that he also never managed to give her one anyways) and freaks out because something odd is clearly happening to furina, she might be kidnapped or something, she's too far away for him to find and protect her or help her in any way, and he can't leave to track her down either. She's unreachable for him and possibly suffering (she's kind of freaked out sitting at the harbour and trying to connect to the waters again but doesn't quite manage it) and he's powerless to stop any of it despite reclaiming his sovereignty. And then he proceeds to have like... ten panic attacks at the same time and Wriothesleys prophecy comes true and it floods fontaine again (not as bad as the actual big flood obviously but like basements are filling up, the aquabuses are unusable etc).

That's how he finds out. Through Furina making progress in her quest of finding out who she is. It is a very Furina-centric fic, so it was important to me that Furina made these steps on her own while Neuvillette is forced to stay still and let her do these things, only able to provide minimal support and hope that after her journey is over she will find her way back home while working through what he feels for Furina (obviously fondness and romance) and how that differs from what other people like Chlorinde feel for her (familial love for someone who is somehow a sister, a mother, a grandmother but also a(n ex) god at the same time).

I honestly doubt that I'll ever get over my insecurities concerning my own writing, but I'll try my best, I promise. Also, never apologise for big walls of text. Really, I should be the one apologising for this absolute monster of a response. I'm incredibly thankful for your words and that you chose to share them with me, so please don't feel bad about this. It makes me really happy to hear from others. Thank you, seriously, for taking time out of your day to share these thoughts with me.

Omg I'm seeing it now it does look like 27 the the real moon I never noticed that! 💀 😭

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phantom-of-the-ruckus · 2 years ago

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My experience with Sonia-irl

Sam, if you wish me to delete this let me know.

I censored my user name as I changed it and It contains a mistake I did not realized and I'm deeply ashamed of

Tw: For mentioned PTDS and panic attacks

So, Sadly I am one of the people that got harmed by Sonia. I thankfully did not interacted with her partner, but I am nonetheless one of the people she harm and tried to guiltrip

For context. Around February, I made a drawing that I posted (Is still there but I won't bring it up as it's not that relevant and it was some old ship art post). Sonia wrote to me in her Scout-Handee rp account (I had her main account blocked after I saw her exhibit hostile behavior and I got the wrong idea.)

So she wrote me and told me that she loved my art (I did not know it was her at the moment ) and we talked for a bit. Then I realized it was her and unblocked her believing I probably misread her hostile behavior

I sadly could not find those screenshots, but I will add them if I ever find them.

So, talking with Sonia was something Tickory mentioned. She constantly brought up the alleged trauma and bad experiences and hate in the fandom she had. Me as a empathetic person and a mom friend, I felt pity and tried to comfort her, but I couldn't not shake the feeling of small discomfort and noticing she did that every time

The major thing that discomforted me a lot was the mention of her ship and her AUs. I get easily triggered by some things and the ship greatly discomforts me. Sonia repitedly told me that She knew I did not like her ship (She actually assumed this, but I wasn't going to lie ) and I explicitly told her many times that I do not like it (take that in mind)

I originally wanted to tell her that I was getting discomforted by her sharing her AUs but she guiltripped me into staying quiet not wanting her to feel bad based on the same behavior she exhibited with Tickory.

Sadly we only talked though tumblr and after I blocked her, tumblr deleted or chat. I do have some saved screenshots of the most important part

So things reached to it's limit and I reach the point of not being able to hold it and then I decided to send her a nice message asking her if we could not talk about her AUs (She wouldn't shut up about them even when I tried to change the subject ) I told her that I appreciated that he shared with me her stuff, that I sadly wasn't the person to her about her AUs, that we could talk about the game kn general I instead, and that it wasn't her fault.

She tells me that it was all cool and such. I reassure her again that it was not her fault or anything.

Then she started with this...

(Screenshots were taken on Feb-march)

She suddenly had a fucking outburst out of the blue when I did nothing wrong and even was nice to her as you can see. I decided to ignore her knowing it was best to discuss it once she calms down

She did "apologize " but tried shift the blame to her outburst with me being nice to her and blatantly lied about people not liking her stuff.

I felt so disgusted and terrible for the rest of that day and has getting very anxious to talk to her. I spoke with two of my best friends who advised me to block her ASAP

So I did.

I made a couple of posts announcing my hiatus (once I find them and I'll link them once I find them. I'm mentioning this because there is some evidence of some comments she said about me. That would be the context of the conversation. I don't own it, but it's an important detail to the story) as I was having so many mental health issues, couldn't even continue to write my stories (actual real reason of Hello Sisterhood's hiatus, the other reasons were IRL taking my time) and sadly I had panic attacks whenever I saw something related to Sonia or anything that reminded me of her.

I had to even go outside two hours and talk with my Best friend on the phone at work as my anxiety was so bad that I couldn't even eat my lunch properly and I wanted to cry (and I did cry).

Sadly, I also got to learn the full extent of what she did to others and certain lies about me (and as mentioned before) and comments that are grossing me out.

For the love of God do not interact with this person or sympathize with her or her partner.

They are horrible people and talked behind my back like she did with many others

EDIT*

Post 1 (please see reblog as I could not get it my self): https://at.tumblr.com/phantom-of-the-ruckus/will-take-a-break-from-hello-puppets-content-as-my/kn3zb2nk140g

Post 2: (The post relates to some claims about cannon x cannon ships. She wrote this in March FYI and I got upset because she basically insulted other people and accused me of shipping THAT at the moment. Although I recently made my POV clear numerous times, I won't be saying anything related to the subject manner other than the context of her post. I am still very much upset about her/If she deleted the post, I actually took a screenshot of it):

Edit*

⚠️Tw: grooming, grooming exposure ⚠️

I'm shaking as I make this post. I'm terrified. But I can't stay quiet anymore

I'm aware that there's a chance their supporters will come at me for calling them out but I don't care anymore.

The fact that they're potentially trying to brush off grooming me as "internet dumbassery" is pissing me the fuck off.

I'm ready to expose them for who they are

The person who groomed me for over a year.... (underneath the cut)

Is Tumblr and Instagram user Sonia-irl

In these screenshots (you can see from the date) this is from when I was 16. Two months before I was 17. this is from her showing me nsfw she made (she deleted the images as she says there herself)

I was guilted into apologizing for her. For being uncomfortable with something I couldn't handle. I told her I was triggered by these things and she guilt tripped me about it.

These are just a few of the screenshots btw. Oh I have more. I have many more. And I'm STILL Not done collecting them.

This is also not the first time she's told/shown me nsfw/sexual/suggestive stuff despite me saying before it makes me uncomfortable. However if I

I hate this. I wish I never trusted her or believed her about anything she said or any lies she said about anyone.

She'll probably see this....oh well.

Here's your "internet dumbassery", S

You and your partner have manipulated me and many, many people. I'm not gonna just suck it up and take it

#hello puppets #important #tw: ptsd #tw: mentions of ptsd #tw: panic attack #tw: mentions of panic attacks #Sam let me know if you want this post to be taken down

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vsa-pieldepapel · 3 years ago

Note

Your Kris grill post is very based. In honor of autism awareness day, do you have autistic headcanons for them and/or for any other Deltarune characters you hc as autistic? Like, the characters’ special interests, stims, etc? Go wild.

Only kris, really - ralseis social awkwardness gives me autist energy that can be funny to jest about but I pin it more on him being alone for most of his life. I like to think susie may have undiagnosed adhd, inspired by my husband who got his diagnosis this year (birds of a feather kek) and thats why her academic performance is so shit. I remember I made a very stupid drawing that does not reflect my actual takes on the characters about it as a joke lmfao

Okay disclaimer I grew up being an autist on a 3rd world country and many of the attitudes muricans on tumblr dot com have about it are alienating as fuck. I think the site romanticises and makes being an autist funny (not new, Ive been on tumbly since 2013 and saw it even pre dashcon), especially the teens and Its not. Especially when youre a girl and a tomboy like I am and you could cover it up just well enough No one can figure how fucked up you are, but not well enough to ever be respected by teachers or peers as an equal kek. I don’t like to share my history with it but it is for the most part very negative and self acceptance a struggle So im sorry, Ralsei^2 this answer may not be happy or generally positive- I’m in therapy to assess these things about myself but they are open wounds as of now

So. Kris

I’ve said in some kriselle post I see kris as xx chromosome/afab/whatever the socially accepted term is (I cant keep up with these language changes and policies because oh shit, imma fucking autist, that on top of that doesn’t even live near the same cultural context as the USA lmao) that is, in part, because of that too. My takes on it are rather simple

-kris is seen as the town weirdo because of their unusual behaviour and demeanour associated with being on the spectrum

-the little quirks like the spinning/jiggle jiggle/ball of junk/overt gestures when ACTing/putting stuff on the ground and patting it when you drop it/ etc are overcompensation for this aka kris is a bit of a social clown to compensate for their social deficits (real)

-toriel is kind of a tiger mom but kris can cover up their weirdness well enough they’re seen as “quirky” instead of anyone ever thinking to look into it (projecting there hard lmao) which is also why alphys tries to emphasise they’re “normal”

-the reason kris rarely talks or is said to be quiet (in canon, I make them talk lmao) is because they go mute under certain circumstances and generally suck at verbal communication

-has a fixation with knives and, on a wider spectrum, with smithing/metalwork

-likes bath bombs because of the smell and warm water

-noelle confides her own quirks with them because she just sees them as “quirky” but that gives her the confidence to

-susie and kris become such good friends in one day because autism/adhd solidarity that I have experienced myself irl (kinda crack headcanon here)

That’s it really. This ask was so hard to answer and I feel very cringey and afraid posting it but oh well autism awareness day etc etc if it gets too bad ill just delete the post

#deltarune #kris deltarune #doodle #digital #vsa answers #autism bullfuckery

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spencersawkward · 4 years ago

Note

i’m so happy ur on tumblr now!! i love between the lines so much, could you write a blurb or one shot about mgg and a younger co-star, but like very spicy if possible 🙃, idk i just love that scenario🥵.

i was literally about to write "omg i love this concept too!" and then i was like “well no fucking shit, sophi.” lol. YES i can 10/10 write you a one-shot with a similar scenario! also thank you for your kind words that was the first fic i ever wrote so it’s very near and dear to my heart!

summary: reader goes to a holiday party with her co-stars and best friend, Matthew... but all the fun happens in the dressing room.

content warnings: this one is quite dirty but i’m also proud of it lol. unprotected penetrative sex, oral (female receiving), degradation, use of the term “little girl,” creampie, age gap. dirty talk?

pairing: Fem!Reader/Matthew

word count: 4.7k

masterlist

"no."

"what do you mean, 'no’?” Matthew laughs, looking between me and the mirror.

"I look like the Ghost of Christmas Past." I lift up the soft white tulle of the dress, watching it float back down to settle over my skin. he's got his eyebrows raised and there's a smirk on his lips like he's holding back a laugh. I resist the urge to reach around and hit him.

"would you rather wear that?" he points to the punch-stained gown that's now laying pathetically over the back of the vanity chair. I genuinely ponder the idea for a moment.

"honestly, the crime scene vibes might work well with the theme of our show."

"seriously, it's not bad, Y/N!" he insists, drawing my attention back to the mirror.

"you're just saying that because you're the one who spilled on me and you don't want people making fun of how clumsy you are." I cross my arms over my chest. he gives me a dubious expression in our reflection on the wall.

"do I seem like I care about that?" he challenges.

"I--" the truth is that no, Matthew is not the type. Matthew is the kind of person to flounder in front of anyone and proceed to crack a joke about himself. he's humble. but I kind of like when we talk like this, our back and forth.

after a year of working together on the same show, he and I have grown incredibly close. I'm friends with all my co-stars, but he and I just have the natural friendship chemistry that makes me want to spend all my time with him. when we're not on set, we're hanging out on his couch or ordering dinner or driving out of town to check out wacky sites around California. we just have fun. pure, clean, honest fun.

of course, in my dreams it isn't pure or honest. frankly, there's a lot of sordid scandal to what goes on in my head when he accidentally touches my arm or brushes his fingers over mine. the amount of times I have gone to cast parties trying to work up the nerve to kiss him are embarrassing. he's older and more experienced and, obviously, he has no interest in me.

but that doesn't matter.

the only reason I'm standing in a dressing room alone with him is because he knew someone on the crew who could hook me up with a replacement for the night. he left while I slipped out of the old one and came back in only after knocking and checking, like, twice to make sure I was decent. he's so respectful that it's almost like he's afraid of making me think the wrong thing-- which makes me feel absolutely stupid for my almost schoolgirl crush.

"come on, you look great. let's go enjoy the party."

"was this a dress one of the victims was wearing?" I ask with a laugh.

"probably. not like we carry a lot of gowns on set." he grabs my hand, makes my heart leap into my throat. he only does it to urge me along, but it still feels intimate as I follow him out of the room, tossing one more evaluative glance at myself in the mirror. I seem terrified.

we continue to do our rounds at the party, Matthew filling my glass of eggnog even though I hate it. I wince and take a sip while we talk to some of our co-stars.

"what's wrong with you?" Shemar chuckles at my expression.

"lost a bet."

"with whom?" he glances between Matthew and me, knowing damn well already from the mischievous grin on the former's face.

"I told you not to take it." Matthew says over the rim of his glass.

"if you mention it one more time, I'm gonna throw up eggnog all over your outfit." I threaten him, but we're both smiling. Shemar frowns.

"what was the bet?"

"you know David-- the guy I was telling you about?" I reply quickly, determined to give my side of the story. Shemar nods; I told him last week when David oh-so-chivalrously danced up on me at a club and asked me out. usually in those situations, guys just want a one-night stand, so I was impressed and agreed. "anyway, Matthew said if it turned out that he was a weirdo, he would get to pick my drinks for the next week whenever we go out."

"your drinks? that's specific."

"she's so picky!" Matthew teases me.

"leave me alone, you dick!" I elbow him and he dodges just in time.

"tell him why he was a weirdo." he grins. the glare I give could kill. but Shemar is waiting expectantly for me to share the information, so I sigh and set my jaw before telling the truth.

"he collects antique dental tools."

"what?" Shemar laughs disbelievingly. I throw my hands up.

"I don't fucking know. we went back to his apartment and he showed me his whole collection."

"you're attracted to weird people, Y/N." Matthew says. I raise my eyebrows and almost say something that dooms me. I hold my tongue, however, and turn back to Shemar with a reserved smile.

"anyway, how are you?"

...

the cast holiday party is actually pretty fun. I tend to leave these functions early in favor of my couch and some ice cream, but something about the bright colors and the smell of wintergreen in the air makes me want to linger in the studio.

I stuff myself with sugar cookies and Matthew mercifully lets me switch from eggnog to Sprite. normally, I'd drink at such an occasion, but I'm a messy drunk and this is one of my first real jobs as an actress. I don't want to even come close to jeopardizing that by breaking some expensive equipment or something.

my throat gets a little sore from all the talking I do-- Paget and I spend about half an hour horribly belting out Christmas carols at the baby grand piano they brought in. they originally had someone hired to play it, but the guy disappeared about an hour ago.

by the time it hits around ten pm, my limbs are tired. I thought people would be leaving (a lot of them have families), but the party is still very much raging when I start to wind down. maybe it's because I'm sober.

"hey." Matthew sidles up next to me as I sit at the piano bench with a slice of lime in my mouth. I like to suck the juice out of them; sour things are my favorite.

"hi." I pluck the fruit out and drop it back into my soda. he sits next to me, his cologne filling my senses with the kind of sensual warmth that it shouldn't be making me feel. he always smells so good.

"ladylike." he gestures to the movement.

"is that why you call me 'princess?'" I smirk, half-joking.

"once-- I called you that once!" he defends. it's not a lie. he used the nickname when he was mocking me for my somewhat selective food preferences. it was sarcastic, but I wish it wasn't. something about the way he said it in the moment made me blush.

"is there a reason you've come to grate my nerves?" I raise an eyebrow and he turns away from me as he bites back a smile. I pout. "what?"

"you're talking like a Jane Austen novel."

"what's wrong with Jane Austen?" I defend, skin heating up. his proximity is doing things to me that it shouldn't.

"nothing," he glances at me before moving his gaze to the ivory keys. "do you play?"

"elementary level, sure." I giggle. he runs his fingers over them, never pressing down hard enough to release a sound. I'm entranced by the delicate nature of his actions, the veins and the curve of his fingertips, the sheer width of his hand. I think about it too much for it to be healthy.

"show me." it's a direct order, one that doesn't feel directive but still ends with me placing both hands on the piano and wracking my brain for something to play. I decide on a piece that Paget and I were doing earlier, "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas."

I've never been quite good at piano, and the nearness of his body is like an anvil on my fingers, but I play anyway. and it feels good. his eyes are on me, drawn to my tracings over the instrument as they press and lift and glide.

"sing." I tell him.

"no!" he protests. I don't stop playing, only now getting into the thick of the tune.

"oh, come on. just the chorus..." I plead, turning my head to beg. "please?"

I bat my lashes playfully, fully intending it as a joke, but Matthew softens a bit. for a fraction of a second, I think he looks at my mouth. he turns his head back to the piano and lets out a quiet "here we are as in olden days... happy golden days of yore..."

"there you go!" I egg him on, and he starts to get more into it. his voice is absolutely off-key; he's no singer, and somehow that makes him even more endearing to me.

Matthew has always been this flawless, intimidating figure in my mind. even when we first met, I was certain that he was hiding something because everything else about him is so... perfect. he's funny, sweet, genuinely kind, handsomer than hell. it didn't make sense. but knowing that he can't carry a tune makes me feel a bit better. it humanizes his beauty.

while he sings, I can't help looking at him. his side profile is even more enchanting; the curve of his features meeting a smooth elegance in his jaw and cheek, especially when his mouth is open. he catches me smiling at him and returns it with his own gleeful face, now totally fine with singing like a fool in front of everyone. nobody is even really looking at us-- they're several drinks in and lost in their own universe of drunken laughter.

there's something kind of magical about that, I think. we're sober. when the song draws to a close, I lift my fingers off the keys and into my lap.

"you're quite the Pavarotti." I joke.

"the who?" he furrows his brow with a smile.

"he's a famous opera singer."

"oh," he laughs, "thanks, Mozart."

I twist my face up as I hide my smile. this is also part of the reason I could never tell Matthew how I feel; we just fit together too well. he almost always gets my references and I understand his, even though there's an age gap between us. he's an old soul with a youthful heart.

"how's your night going?" I ask him softly, changing the subject. he sets his hands on his lap, absent-mindedly toying with his fingers. it's not a nervous tendency at all. he does it whenever we're on set.

"as of right now? pretty damn good." he replies with a smile. I get warm again at the implication. he doesn't mean it like that, but god, do I wish he did.

"very smooth." I compliment appreciatively.

"how about you?"

"it was kind of boring, but then this rando sat next to me and started singing Christmas songs and it got a little better." I say flatly, grabbing my glass off the top of the piano and running my fingertip over the rim. he drops his head in a giggle.

"you're something else."

"insult?" I clarify.

"definitely a compliment."

"I like compliments."

"well, I wasn't lying before. you look really beautiful in that dress."

"the murder dress?" I glance down at it to hide the absolute wideness of my eyes at his words. he's completely flustering me and I'm starting to find it hard to breathe. he said I look beautiful. not "pretty," not "great"-- beautiful.

"yes, the murder dress." he gets a little pink in his cheeks, and that makes me want to explode on the spot.

"well, say goodbye to it because I'm gonna go change back into my plebeian clothes," I stand from the piano bench. "it's past my bedtime."

Matthew looks up at me with an unreadable expression and I feel my heart flutter in my chest. I hate leaving him. "do you wanna come with me? like-- walk with me?"

"sure." he nods, stands, and follows behind. I can feel his presence like a delightful reminder of the emotions surging in my stomach. we wind through the crowd of party-goers until we end up back in the dressing room, away from the party. it's quiet.

Matthew walks in with me, carrying our drinks in his hand, and he's about to stroll back out so I can change when I touch his arm. the door shuts automatically behind him.

"wait," I swallow quickly. "can you unzip me?"

"oh." Matthew looks at me, then at the glasses in his arms, then at the vanity. he sets them down and comes back quickly, his frame behind me while his fingertips locate the little piece at the top of my gown. my breath hitches in my throat when he brushes over my spine by accident, one nail dragging accidentally against my skin as the fabric slowly gives way. I don't know if he hears it-- it's nearly imperceptible-- but he definitely hesitates once he reaches the place where my back starts to curve into my ass. he pauses, doesn't breathe until he reaches the end of the zipper.

"there you go." he mutters. his voice is a little more hoarse than usual, and he clears his throat as he steps away. I know he's going to back out. he's going to back out of the room and wait for me to slip into nothing and I know, somehow, that he's going to be thinking about how I look in here with my clothes off. he's going to wish he stayed.

and I'm going to wish he'd done more than stayed.

before I can lose my nerve and allow the moment to be swallowed up by practicality, I shrug the straps of the dress down my shoulders and let gravity take over. it drops to the floor, leaving me in only my bra and panties. I can sense him behind me; he's silent for a moment.

"Matthew." I say, the name sitting on my tongue like a sugar cube. perfectly formed, slowly dissolving.

"y-yeah?" he stutters for the first time since I've met him.

"are you looking at my ass right now?" I ask, still turned around. the way he's frozen in place tells me that I'm right.

"yeah." he admits.

"you can touch it, if you want." I murmur softly. part of me doesn't think this is real, the way each sentence leaves my throat like it's been pre-planned. truly, I don't understand how my brain is moving so quickly.

"are you... sure?" he's hesitant, but even I can taste the longing.

"yes."

his hand smooths over my butt, softly at first like he's still not believing his own eyes, before moving back to grab it. he squeezes the flesh, and a low exhale from him tells me that he's excited.

"do you want more?" my voice barely carries. my head is almost foggy from how good it is to have his grip on my body, even in such a simple way. I can feel myself getting wet.

"how much more?" his lips brush over my shoulder and I get goosebumps. my mouth opens and closes for a moment, searching for the right words.

"however much you want."

it's flint and steel, the way he sparks. the air literally leaves my lungs when Matthew grabs my hips and spins me around to face him. my lips part as I peer up at him, at the lust that now darkens those hazel eyes and the way he holds mine. his touch is certain. he pulls our bodies together, tilts my chin up to kiss me.

it's passionate, strong, the kind of kiss that causes me to lean back a bit just to receive the full force of his desire. but I return the affection easily, moaning into his mouth. I've never been held the way that Matthew holds me. like I'm made of sugar glass, like he wants desperately to feel the soft give of my skin and make a home of me.

the heat between our bodies is almost overwhelming, and I sigh when he subtly pushes our hips together. his erection is against my stomach.

"fuck." I mutter when I pull away for air. Matthew doesn't stop his perfect movements, though, tugging my earlobe between his teeth and starting to leave love bites up my skin and over my shoulder. he chuckles against my throat. I shiver.

"you alright, little girl?" he asks.

"just--" I let out a moan at the sensation of his fingers exploring my bare waist. he reaches behind me to unclasp my bra. "just surprised."

"about?" he slides the straps down my shoulders and looks me in the eye. the lack of physical contact makes me whine.

"that you want me."

"how is that surprising?" he smiles, using one index finger to guide me to look at him.

"you don't seem like it."

Matthew raises his eyebrows as if I'm a crazy person. truly dumbstruck. "what?"

"you-- well, I don't know." I frown, but Matthew takes my hand and moves it over his torso until my palm is resting over the considerable bulge in his pants.

"is this enough proof?"

I struggle for words, sputtering. "yeah-- yeah, it is."

he bucks into my hand a little and I bite my lip, eyes moving up to meet his. something passes between us that I don't fully understand, but feel in my bones. I have never, in my life, wanted someone to fuck me as much as I want Matthew to fuck me right now. my jaw clenches.

"I need you." I tell him like this is the most relevant piece of information that will ever pass between us. he smirks.

"yeah?"

"mhmm."

"then lean against the wall and let me give you what you deserve." he orders. for a second, I try to think through what he means. then I look behind me at the open space and back up, him following me closely. his hands move up to cup my breasts, kneading and tweaking my nipples as he kisses my lips. the coolness against my back causes me to gasp, and he swallows the sound with his tongue before moving down my body.

he's torturously slow, taking one of my nipples into his mouth while he shrugs off his suit jacket. he switches to my other peak, one hand splayed over my stomach, and then proceeds southward with his lips. his kisses are delicate, open-mouthed, as they find their way to the waistband of my panties.

he hooks his fingers in them and looks up at me.

"can I eat you out, baby?" he asks. I bite my lip.

"please." like a beg.

"oh, you're polite tonight." he smirks, tugging the garment down my legs and discarding it somewhere in the room. I don't respond, and he doesn't seem to need me to, because he pushes one leg up for better access to my pussy. "let's see if it lasts."

my back curves off of the wall involuntarily when he holds the flat of his tongue against my clit suddenly, trying to roll my hips against his face. my fingers tangle in his hair, one leg resting over his shoulder.

he starts to flick at my clit. I lose grasp of my own language.

"Matthew, that feels so good, I--"

he attaches himself to my bundle of nerves, seemingly turned on by the sounds I'm making for him. he groans as he laps at the wetness between my legs, dipping into my folds and sucking the soul out of me. I whine and use his curls as leverage to gain more friction. he peers up at me.

"needy little girl." he mumbles against my pussy. I shove him back into me.

"make me cum, then." I beg. I can practically feel the devilish smirk on his face as he devours me like he'll never get enough. every twist and lick of his tongue is sending me to new places. I'm panting, chest heaving, while I grab my own tits and buck into his mouth.

he moans. my orgasm hits me like a wave, causing me to nearly thrash with pleasure as I cry out.

"Matthew, keep going, fuck yes!" I feel tears prick the back of my eyes, the culmination almost too much to bear as we hold contact. he stares into my fucking soul as he eats me out, and I want to stay like this forever. it's hard to support myself with my legs going weak, but I love it. the sensations are otherworldly. it's only when I'm about to collapse that I push his face away from me.

"I love your pussy." he tells me, licking his lips as he sets my legs down. I grin and let my head fall back against the wall.

"thanks."

"come here, princess." he takes hold of my hips and guides me over to the mirror, turning me so that he's standing behind my frame. the pet name causes me to smile.

"what?" I reference our reflection. he stares at me, reaching around to squeeze my tits.

"I wanna fuck you in the mirror." such a vulgar thing, said so beautifully. he kisses my cheek. "if that's okay with you."

"I don't care what position we do as long as you're fucking me." I breathe honestly. he chuckles and draws me towards him so his clothed boner is against my ass. I reach behind and work the button on his pants. he undoes the ones on his shirt. we're silent, him watching my naked body move like he's trying to memorize every detail.

when he's finally stripped, he lets me stroke his cock for a couple moments before pushing my upper back forward so I'm holding onto the sides of the mirror. I see him biting his lip as he lines himself up at my entrance.

"you ready?" he checks. I nod and he smiles at me once. pushing in, the smile melts into a jaw-dropped haze, eyes rolling into the back of his head. "Y/N..."

"it's so big." I try to breathe. he's so deep, I grip the mirror until my knuckles turn white. he's going to snap my body in two with the angle of his cock, filling me easily.

"tight little thing." he grunts as he holds himself inside. I can only watch in shock as I try to adjust to the sheer feeling of him. Matthew runs his hands over my sides, my ass, touching whatever he can. "how's that?"

I start to wiggle my hips and he groans at the feeling of my walls desperately swallowing him up. "Matthew, I need it."

"need what?" he thrusts into me and I have to fight a scream.

"need you."

"fuck... yes." he hisses out, sliding into me. "you're so wet I don't even need to try."

I bite my lip to withhold my sounds and he stares me in the eyes in the mirror as he starts to fuck me harder, building a pace with his hips. he growls a little if he hits certain angles, getting ruthless.

"so many times when I wanted to be inside you, princess..." he trails off. I start to play with my clit with one hand, using the other to stabilize myself with the mirror. the idea turns me on.

"when?"

"whenever you have attitude," he pants. "tonight, in that innocent fucking dress. making me wanna pound you like a little slut."

I make a high-pitched sound at the shudder of pleasure that jolts through my stomach at his words, wanting more. I've never heard him talk this way before.

"Matthew, shit--" I rub myself in circles, caught between watching his face and watching the way his hips slam into mine.

"you're begging to be fucked, you know that?"

"am I?" I smile sweetly in the mirror. we're in our own world, locked in a fantasy that I never want to leave. I can feel him in every corner of my body, sinking beneath my skin. he digs his nails into my ass.

"mhmm." he hums. I can feel the familiar weight in my stomach that indicates how close I'm getting. a knot that screams to be undone by his perfect length. I would do anything for more of this. I can taste everything good in the world on my tongue.

"I'm so close." I whine.

"I can tell," he studies my face in the mirror. "so pretty when you're breaking."

"oh--" I feel my thighs tense and my body pulses, the euphoria almost overwhelming. we move steadily, rhythmically, and he pushes my climax to new levels. "faster." I cry.

Matthew is quick to respond, gripping me closer while he plows into me like he's never going to have my body again. the sound of it is filthy, perfect, a mess. he groans at the sensation of my cunt pulsating around his cock.

"cum for me, princess." he moans, losing himself in the embrace of my core. the foggy stare in his eyes is like drowning in the ocean. I sink below, not caring at all about the consequences of him inside me. fuck working together; I need him. "where should I cum?"

"in me." I groan.

"beg." he commands easily, watching my face contort in pleasure. I could pretend to fight it, to give a little attitude, but I don't want to. I love begging for him.

"fill me up, Matthew. please." each word punctuated by the breathlessness of my voice. he gets even more ferocious with me, beating up my pussy until I'm sure he's going to leave me sore.

"right there, right there," he gasps, hitting the same spot that makes me go cross-eyed. "such a good little slut."

his cum shoots into me, deep and warm and erotically twisted, and I nearly collapse. it feels weird, but so good at the same time. full. he groans out my name and withdraws, quick to grab my shoulders and hold me up as I almost fall. I hadn't realized that most of my body weight was supported purely by his thrusts.

"whoa." he lets out a tired laugh, gentle in his touch. I'm heaving air into my lungs.

"sorry." I apologize, my body unstable.

"are you okay?" he seems genuinely concerned and I nod.

"yeah, I'm fine. just a little overwhelmed."

"here," he scoops me into his arms and brings me over to the old love seat in the dressing room, laying his jacket down before putting me on top of it. "can I get you something?"

"Sprite." I gesture to the glass on the vanity, and he smiles as he goes to get it. I gulp down whatever remains of it. "thanks."

"of course." he keeps glancing at my face and the red marks on my hips where he was clutching me like a lifeline. "I'm sorry."

"what?" I set the cup down. "don't ever be sorry for fucking me like that."

"no, I meant--" he laughs, but then he sees my playful expression and realizes that I'm genuinely alright. I think my legs were asleep.

"you're a saint." I tell him. he frowns and shakes his head bashfully. I'm already getting up and collecting my clothes. "or maybe what we just did prevents you from reaching sainthood. I don't know."

he places his hand on my lower back, kisses my forehead tenderly.

"seriously. you're okay?"

"I'm perfectly fine," I assure him. "but I would be better with a milkshake."

Matthew breaks into a slow grin, staring at me like I've done something miraculous.

"how are you so perfect?"

#matthew gray gubler #mgg smut #mgg oneshot #mgg x reader

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tssidesfics · 3 years ago

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TSSides Anti-Fairytale AU

I’m not coming for fairytales. They have their place, but as an aromantic person...I do not feel seen. And then I decided to re-watch Enchanted (pirated, of course, because fuck Disney). And then this idea happened.

Patton was a child-king who married his best friend when forced to, and then she died in childbirth. He’s given Roman everything he could, but he’s lived his life dictated by the advisors who’ve used him as a puppet king his whole rule. He’s miserable because he doesn’t like how the system functions but he thinks he’s chained to tradition.

Roman copes with his complicated relationship with his father by questing and almost dying, like, every other week. Anxious attachment for days. Boy keeps trying very hard to find a princess and can’t seem to figure out why nothing will stick. To which Patton goes “oh. He got it from me. Oops.”

All I know is Remus is aromantic and aplatonic and exactly as chaotic as he should be.

Roman’s birthday. Ball. The classic. He greets all the noble families and he’s seen those losers a bunch before, but this time, he meets a new “girl” with a family he usually hates who intrigues him. He is not a girl and I will not be misgendering him because ew, but, gist: Virgil, transphobic rich parents forcing him to conform to gender roles, absolutely miserable, in Peak Bitch (gender-neutral) form. Roman mistakenly believes he’s cured and talks Virgil up a lot. Convinces himself he’s fallen madly in love.

Problem is, he tells Patton, who’s shocked he found a “girl” but absolutely is on-board, and then goes to the family to ask for Virgil’s hand and there’s no Virgil.

Thus begins the Mulan ripoff but openly trans where Virgil poses as a boy servant at the castle because his parents can’t get into the castle willy-nilly and it’s the safest place to be. Absolutely loathes Roman’s very existence because that dumb bitch flirted with him while he was a girl and therefore VIrgil thinks he is The WorstTM. Then Roman catches him grouching about and decides to solve this by teaching him sword-play, mostly to give him the excuse to beat on a dummy with a sword-shaped stick.

Meanwhile Roman is just le sigh I did it again. I connected more with a boy than a girl. Why did she have to run away? Now I’m doomed to be weird.

Well then assassins break into the castle and Ever-Paranoid Virgil immediately susses them out as bad news and uses the remnants of the ball to absolutely wreck them when they try to kill Roman and his father while they’re taking a rare opportunity to chat and bond. Patton decides he is Adopting This Child, fuck you, advisors, he’s as thin as a stick, and Virgil now gets to eat with the royal family.

It’s the first time Patton has ever actually told his advisors to go fuck themselves. It’s the first step toward a positive turnaround and it happened because Patton’s dad instincts took over and nothing in the world is more valid than that, fight me.

Enter genderqueer icon morally neutral witch, Janus, all pronouns, who’s trying to topple the monarchy to enact lasting change and didn’t want to dirty her hands right away, but honestly people are so unreliable. So he gets onto Patton’s crew as a handmaiden and excuse you who gave the king permission to be actually endearing?

Roman feels slightly weird because Patton’s calling Virgil “kiddo” and he’s not calling him his son but he also treats him very similarly as he does to Roman and Remus, which isn’t great but is significantly better than it could be, but Roman’s got a crush.

Then Janus finds out Virgil’s trans and reveals this. Virgil thinks he’s about to get blackmailed into murdering the only people who have ever cared about him and then Janus just rolls their eyes like “excuse you I’m evil not psychopathic. I can give you a potion to make your body reflect your mind. You in?”

“Great, so my only cure to stop feeling like frozen trash reheated in a forest fire is to accept the highly dangerous bribe of a definitely evil witch! Thanks! I hate it!”

Yes Virgil memes even in a fantasy world where Tumblr doesn’t exist.

Also Virgil and Roman are bonding. A lot. They’re getting very close and Virgil even lets slip that he loves Roman and then tries to fling himself out a window. Roman gets touched, stops him, and tries to kiss him, but Virgil leans away. Roman expresses confusion.

“I...I love you, but I don’t want to kiss you.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I don’t either. But I’ve...never wanted to kiss anyone. For any reason.”

“But...you still love me?”

“I do. I’m sorry.”

Roman...doesn’t feel as rejected as he thinks he maybe should? Honestly, it’s not totally a relief, but it’s just kinda...neutral. It’s not even a disappointment.

Well, Janus is not evil and actually wants to run a kingdom (instating a committee mixed of educated rich fucks and working class receiving education) a whole lot more than Patton, who thinks she’s just...kinda awesome and very misunderstood. There’s a lot of hissing and grumbling that they’re not misunderstood, they’re evil, they don’t even have a tragic backstory, they just kill people to enact the change they want to see, just because they got ditched in a forest as a baby and was raised by a magic snake means nothing. The snake was a very loving and supportive parent.

Roman talks to Patton and Patton is like “fuck marriage rules. Fuck heteronormativity. Fuck my advisors. My kingdom is a haven for the gays. All the gays. Of every color. Come here and be merry and queer.”

Virgil’s just like “yo no reason but in this new world where it’s okay to love whatever gender is it maybe cool to be a boy when the world says you’re a girl?”

Janus draws a knife and glares at Patton and Patton’s just like “even if my partner wasn’t threatening to kill me I’d say it was fine why?”

“No reason.”

“Virgil.”

“What?”

“Is there something you want to share?”

“No.”

“Is there something you need to share?”

“Fuck you.”

“You’re being defensive again, Storm Grouch.”

Virgil sticks his tongue out. “Fine. People used to think I was a girl and I have a stupid body. Happy?”

And Patton learns from Janus the fine art of Validating The Fuck Out Of Gender.

The advisors stage a coop and lock Janus in an anti-magic cage, and then at the same time Virgil’s biological nightmares track him down and steal a spelled green apple from Janus’ shop they give Virgil. You know the drill. Deep sleep like death, yadda yadda.

Well, they immediately claim the body making a big dramatic deal about how they have to bury “her” and they’ll take “her” home to see her off and it’s so tragic, just as they were reunited, when the reality is they have the antidote back home, they’re just looking for control over his life again.

Except Roman goes off. “He is staying here where he--where he will be buried under the name Virgil dressed properly and if you came anywhere near his body I’ll kill you myself.”

Guess what constitutes a totally platonic, non-kiss related act of queerplatonic true love, bitch? Fighting your transphobic partner’s parents over their dead body.

Kingdom’s retaken, sweeping reform while Patton retires to be a stay at home dad to fix his relationship with his kids. Virgil gets formerly adopted. The stepparent is actually a morally neutral genderqueer witch who runs the kingdom fairly and justly, the central love story is trans and aromantic, and my queer ass is something resembling happy.

Logan is probably one of the advisors and the only one with sense who probably starts knocking off his coworkers after the coop because they’re all deeply, deeply stupid. Remus probably spends half the story making friends with a troll he brings in to save the day in the third act.

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pynkhues · 3 years ago

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hi :) love-love-loved your insight into king lear & succession. i was wondering what you meant when you said you have your own theories for why logan loves kendall the most? I think it’s true he’s number one - even though logan likes to dangle that particular carrot in front of kendall a lot

(x)

Hi! Thank you so much! It's such a fun thing to really look at King Lear in the context of Succession, because so much of it is there in the show, while a lot of it is far more of a thematic adaptation than a direct one. It makes it really rich to unpick. I'm thinking of re-reading it actually once the season's over, especially since I'll probably be in a Shakespearean mood as I'm seeing a production of The Comedy of Errors in mid-December, so I might do a proper comparison then!

And yeah, I think Logan does love Kendall the most out of all of his children, although I do think Logan really does love all four of them, it's just a fractious, violent, broken love that's never really what any of them want or need.

Like I mentioned in my other post, my theory is pretty unfounded, haha, and it really is just a theory, so I'm not putting it fourth as anything beyond that, but the long and the short of it is that I think Logan and Ewan's sister, Rose, died by suicide, and that Logan sees her in Kendall.

Nothing of the sort has ever been explicitly stated, but we do know that Logan blames himself for Rose's death, and he's more protective of Kendall, particularly at his lowest, than he is of anyone else on the show.

(More + screencaps below the cut)

Rose is first mentioned in 2.08 where Logan returns to Dundee for his tribute. He circles around old haunts that seem to draw up memories he doesn't have much desire to entertain, and it builds to this set up where Roman tells Shiv they should get Kendall to get Rhea (amazing bit of Roman and Shiv using Kendall to get what they want, haha) to bring up Rose in a speech.

Logan's visibly upset by it, and it's something that's reiterated at the end of the episode where Ewan tells Logan that it's not his fault that Rose died:

Interestingly, for reasons I'll talk about shortly, this episode also brings into play the fact that Connor's mother had mental health issues herself and was likely institutionalised:

Rose actually hasn't been mentioned again until the last episode, where Logan, during his piss-madness, wanted to protect her:

Logan's not a man who frequently airs regrets or concerns for other people, but he does for Rose, and y'know - - he does for Kendall too:

And especially in 2.04 after the gunshot goes off, where he expresses that again:

And again:

It's all in the same episode where Kendall spends A Lot of time looking over the roof of Waystar and the show makes a point of Logan protecting him from the punishment of his shoplifting, and Shiv specifically asking 'why's he protecting you?' and Kendall not being able to answer (sorry, I'd share more screencaps, but tumblr's cut me off, haha).

To me, all of these scenes are in conversation with each other, along with Roman saying Kendall will self-destruct, and Logan telling Kendall to his face that he's the thing he loves the most, and the only thing he could kill that would make the sun rise again.

We've got no timeline for Rose's death, but I tend to think she passed away when Logan was in his early twenties, and that his relationship with Connor's mother was partially entwined with that – that he was drawn to her, maybe, because of her own mental health struggles. From what Alan Ruck has said, it sounds like Logan and Connor's mother were only 25 or so when they had him, so that to me sort of adds to this - - I don't know - - grief-struck courtship which repeated certain patterns, only for Logan to see those patterns all over again in Kendall.

There are other factors at play, of course. I think Kendall concedes more than his siblings do, and play the game Logan wants him to the most. Gosh, even now, with Kendall trying to take Logan out, it's really what the guy wanted. It's a knife fight in the mud, like he says in 3.01, but personally, I think there's an added layer to it when it comes to Logan and Kendall, and I think that's tied to the fact that Logan knows Kendall's vulnerable, and that he has experience as to where that vulnerability can lead.

#i re-watched 2.04 for this ep and it honestly put me in a glass case of emotion #this is just my read of it #i'm fascinated by logan's backstory generally #and just the way logan keeps kendall so close #in the way he never does his siblings #even when he was grooming shiv to be heir #he was pulling kendall in closer #and there's always this wall between him and shiv and him and roman that isn't there with kendall #or it is #but it's different #the terms are always different #kendall + logan #kendall roy #logan roy #rose roy #hbo succession #welcome to my ama

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doctorbunny · 3 years ago

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MILGRAM theory time: Haruka!

This isn't going to go super in depth (famous last words) but there's a few heavily debated parts of Haruka's MV I want to share my findings/thoughts on because I think this is my new special interest and during my quest to get best boy's song to 1 million views I have been looking over his first MV with a fine tooth comb so to speak.

Disclaimer: As the Jackalope said in the "This is the MILGRAM" trailer, we don't necessarily know everyone's crime from just the first video, its possible that a lot of things will be re-contextualized in the second MV, however I am not psychic or bilingual and thus will only be working with content released before August 20th 2021 and translated into English (which could cause some language/cultural details to be lost on me as translation is not a 1 to 1 process).

TW for discussions of ableism, child abuse, murder and animal death. Also this is really long so sorry to all the people that follow me for non-MILGRAM stuff

Firstly, I want to start on the topic of Haruka as a person. He is disabled. He does not have 'the mind of a child' (although he is 17, making him legally a minor in both North America and Japan). He is not just 'child-like'. And he is not mentally ill (well he might be, in the sense that many disabilities like Haruka's have strong comorbidities [where a person has two or more conditions but neither directly causes the other] with anxiety, depression and PTSD, but usually when I see people talk about him 'struggling with mental illness' they go on to refer to aspects of his disability). Sometimes on tumblr, people like myself, will see canonical traits written into a character and identify them as being traits associated with our disabilities/mental illness and headcanon them as such. Sometimes this even involves saying things like "It's basically canon!" Although we understand that these characters were probably not the result of a writer intending to write a disabled person. When I say that Haruka is being written as a person with a neurodevelopmental disability, I mean the writer intended to write a disabled character and wrote them in a way that they wanted the audience to pick up on. As an autistic person (which is one of many neurodevelopmental disorders and also something I probably didn't have to specify because who else would be writing an essay about a series they got into a few days ago at 11 o'clock at night) I really like how Haruka has been written so far. There's definitely some parts of him that have been exaggerated so abled normies can pick up on his disability (namely how his MV 's main motif is really child-like drawings) but the writers also included a lot of smaller details I appreciate like how it is noted he avoids eye contact when talking to other people and is depicted as nervously pulling at his sleeves in official artwork, or how he says he finds his prison uniform (which has tight straps) 'relaxing' and when he gets nervous/tense, he will dig his fingernails into the palm of his hands. (These last two potential being examples of 'self stimulation' [aka stimming] where a person seeks out specific sensory stimuli in order to help regulate their nervous system/emotions, in this case the tight uniform creates a comforting, secure feeling [you may have heard about some people preferring to sleep under weighted blankets for this reason] and digging nails into his palms sounds uncomfortable/painful but is done in an attempt to deal with a greater sensory discomfort caused by the situation/environment) I also appreciate the depth he is written with, he struggles to communicate verbally but in his MV and interactions with other inmates is shown to have insecurities, opinions and a consistent thought process (this is all basic character stuff but unfortunately not always present in disabled characters)

Also I want to add that (in terms of what we've been shown so far) Haruka did not kill anyone because of his disability/mental illness. Disabled people are not inherently more innocent than abled people. But there is no disability/mental illness where a symptom is that you kill people and real people have to live with the stigma when you speak carelessly and suggest things like "Haruka is the kind of mentally ill person who kills people as a cry for help" 🧂 (or at the very least real people have to read BS like that and cringe). TL;DR Haruka is less child-like and more onion-like (as in, he has layers) 🧅🧅🧅

Now is the actual theory stuff, oops:

Every prisoner in MILGRAM is supposed to have committed murder in some way, obviously considering Yuno just had an abortion (which i personally do not consider an act of murder) whilst Mu literally stabbed someone to death, this definition is stretched a bit. But it is not agreed upon yet who Haruka killed/how many people he killed or why he killed.

In his MV he is shown to have chased after his dog into a forest, seen something off-screen, then beaten something into a messy pulp with a rock. Some people think the dog is a red herring and that Haruka actually killed his mother/the girl from the fireworks show/his brother. I do not agree.

First: I believe Haruka when he says he doesn't have a brother. The MV literally starts by Haruka looking in the mirror and then switching between the him now

and a really similar looking younger child who just so happened to be a key feature of his memories (I don't have the vocabulary to explain it but its like cinematic parallels that establish this is the same person at different points of their life)

Its not impossible that this is Haruka's secret younger brother, but i think its unlikely. I saw someone saying they had to be different people because Haruka looks less happy than the child but like, most 17 year olds are less visibly happy than when they were 7 (or however old the child is meant to be). Life happens.

So when Haruka is shown pushing the child around and eventually strangling him, this isn't meant to be literal (homicide or suicide), but a representation of how conflicted Haruka feels about his younger self, who may have committed the murder (if you've ever been kept awake cringing at memories of something you said in the past and wishing you could go slap some sense into your former self, this is like that but 10 times more self loathing). The lyric "I am always repeating yesterday," implies he might think about this specific past event a lot.

Moving on, its pretty well accepted that Haruka's parents were abusive in some way and Haruka internalised a lot of it: he constantly apologises, he says in his interrogation questions that his one wish come true is that "[he] want[s] to be loved" and describes in his MV how when he couldn't find the words he was looking for ("you're unfair") one of his parents "would get angry at me and say “You’re hopeless.”". He seems to know its unfair but also still says he 'loves' his family, possibly mistakenly believing it is his fault, but also showing an awareness of his situation (and how his parents might behave).

Now, the MV is stylised in a way that makes certain details unclear, but there is one clear detail showing that Haruka's dog was killed

This is the first close up of Haruka and the dog. Haruka's mother is just out of frame supervising, but they look pretty happy. Notice how the puppy has a silvery chain for a collar. Somehow, this dog gets out of the house but only Haruka is shown chasing after it (whether his mother was searching elsewhere or didn't bother following her disabled son into the forest is unclear). Either way, young Haruka is now in the forest, unsupervised.

By the time he finds the dog, there is already blood, suggesting it was initally attacked by something else.

is this a sigh of relief from a boy whose finally found his beloved pet or a jealous weakling glad that nature took its course and he is finally free of that meddling mutt stealing all his mummy's attention? /j

I think this shock at the discovery that 'there is blood on his hands' could imply that rather than literally getting the blood from his dog, Haruka has seen his already injured dog and realises that if the dog got out because of him (he is previously shown to be aware his parents seem to blame him for everything) then he is the reason his dog is injured/dying and will be blamed for it. (this scene plays over the lyrics "It’s fine, though it’s really not It’s really fine, though I don’t really think so When I tried to understand it, You’ll make that disappointed face again" suggesting he is trying to avoid making his parents disappointed and letting the family pet escape into danger is something that could make them very disappointed)

now we get into rock murder (this is present-day Haruka implying that this is either: not how the scene really played out; the writers really wanting the audience to know that this was Haruka's doing and not someone else's; or this turns into a separate incident that happened much later [although note that the red sky and blue moon is the same as when young Haruka first appears at the start])

b the corpse is beyond mangled now, but its clearly the dog because the silver chain collar is still there, to the right of the body. (circled in red for your convenience :3)

My hypothesis is: Haruka didn't set out to kill his dog, but upon finding it injured (we don't know the severity aside from bleeding and also it not being able to run away from Haruka kneeling down above it w/ a big rock so it could range from treatable with a lot of vet help to already on death's door, TBH I don't think Haruka would know the difference) He knew he'd be blamed for this; made into a villain who let the poor puppy come to harm. He panicked and killed the dog out of some idea that it would make him the victim here (since he'd be found crying over a dog corpse, which might make a parent go comfort him rather than getting angry about what could've happened to the dog). This is over the lyrics: "I cried, I screamed I wanted to be a pitied and loved weakling I was in denial, I was in denial I just had to make sure I’ve become a victim, I’ve become a victim" (there's another theory that he was also jealous of the dog, which could work here too, since this is not some calculated plot; rather its a rash decision) This ties in with his Japanese song title (translated as Weakness) which is a play on a phrase sort of like "The strong eat, the weak do not" to become "The weak are eaten by society" or "The weak eat each other to survive" [once again I am reminding everyone this is based on second hand information from the youtube comments section (from users mitchki and Alphaistic) because I do not speak Japanese] This second meaning (The weak eat each other to survive) makes sense under the reading that Haruka killed his dog in order to 'survive' making his parents disappointed for the dog escaping.

Miscellaneous points:

We don't know where Haruka's necklace came from yet, it must be a gift since the most expensive thing he's ever bought was cotton candy. The younger child in the video isn't wearing it and neither is his mother or the girl in the purple dress.

Haruka's home seems quite big, at the start we can see a large flower garden outside the window and there's a forest in walking distance. This might suggest his family is quite wealthy

Haruka probably did go to school at some point as homeschooling is not a legally accepted as an alternative to public schools in Japan. (However it is estimated that up to 5000 families homeschool, this is uncommon) A lot (about 62%) of Japanese schools apparently have a 'special needs' classes and there are about 505 schools focused on educating intellectually disabled students (although I do not know which sort Haruka would've needed as whilst intellectual and development disabilities can be comorbid they aren't the same). Now, if children aged 7-14 don't go to school, their parents receive a fine, but its possible that if Haruka's parents are wealthy, they just paid it to avoid sending him to school. (This might imply they wanted to hide him or were generally ashamed of him in some way) However high school education (for students over 14) is not legally required and its likely that even if Haruka went to elementary/middle school, he hasn't been around people his own age in at least 3 years. As he seems quite lonely and glad that the other prisoners give him attention.

I don't think Haruka's parents are divorced and if they are, its not his father who left. Haruka mentions in the 30 questions that he thinks he disappointed his father. But still includes him as part of his family ("My father and mother and me"). A theory I've seen is that his father was disappointed by his son being disabled and left. but developmental disabilities (especially in non verbal and semi verbal children like Haruka) can be diagnosed before the age of 3, so I feel it is unlikely that Haruka would bring up his father if he left that early in Haruka's life

All MILGRAM prisoners have covered one of DECO*27's older vocaloid songs (DECO*27 is a well known producer who composes the music for MILGRAM) Haruka covered 'Two Breaths Walking' (https://youtu.be/puXLfVWrz2Q) which is about a boy's first relationship and how his mother's jealousy set him up for failure as the relationship becomes toxic (specifically it has some very funny out of context lines like "Whose breasts are you sucking on now?") so yeah, mommy issues: the song (Also: some people say in the song, the boy kills the girl at the end, but this isn't literal, TBW is the first of a trilogy of songs about the same relationship, it is followed by Android girl then Two Breaths Walking: Reloaded and the story resolves with the couple reuniting as adults and getting in the relationship again, although its not necessarily as abusive as before, its still implied to be codependant ending on the line 'We should live like oxygen tanks, sucking breathe from the words each of us exhale, until our last breathe')

In all seriousness, the scene where younger Haruka is walking through the city with his mother but it keeps repeating until older Haruka pulls the younger one away might indicate an attempt to focus the happier memories of his parents (since this is also over the lyrics "Why is it breaking? Tell me why? Please don’t change If I tried and couldn’t say it, You would get angry at me and say “You’re hopeless.”" which depict a worse scene) I think both his parents are still physically present but have become far more emotionally distant, not giving him as much attention, which exacerbates his loneliness from not having any friends his own age to talk to

And if one of his parents did leave? I think its likely his mother since she is shown disappearing out of his reach after the dog-incident (inferring she got angry/disappointed in Haruka anyway) This could also be where he got his necklace from: Its something his mother used to wear (although this is 100% a guess) and that's why its shown to be important to him

This one is just me, but i didn't realise until a rewatch that when Haruka is watching the younger him and the girl running together, the background has fireworks. Haruka mentions fireworks being a key memory to him so I wonder if this was one of the first/last times he got to make a friend...

On three separate occasions in the interrogation, Haruka mentions not liking animals. Despite this, he is depicted as sleeping with a rabbit plush and on his birthday art (I'd include that too but tumblr only allows 10 pictures per post, so here's a link) he is standing next to a giant blueberry and strawberry cake with two bunny themed biscuits at the side. Through my experiences of seeing Japanese fandom art on pixiv, sometimes rabbits are used to insinuate a character is cute and timid in fanart.

Meaningless details: Haruka sleeps with his necklace on; he sleeps on a bed and not a futon; at first I thought he woke up holding his plush's hand but his hand is merely next to the toy; and considering the state of the pillow and blanket, I wonder if he moves a lot in his sleep or if the is just because in this case he seems to be waking up from a nightmare about the dog incident...

Final note: I've spent so many hours writing this I don't remember if i was building up to any big finale or not but I hope you enjoyed reading this! Feel free to add on in the comments/reblogs.

#haruka sakurai #milgram #milgram theory #001 #text post #essay #long post

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artsybi · 2 years ago

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so a few nights i had a dream, it was daredevil but with virgil as matt and logan as foggy (and an oc as karen for some reason, i kept her) and i knew immediately upon waking up that i had to make it a proper au, so i did a BUNCH of art, and some writing, so like, have an art dump while i infodump about this au :D

(also PLEASE click for quality, these images are all pretty big and tumblr hates me for it, so PLEASE click for quality)

[all image IDs in alt text]

virgil's daredevil suit! no cowl version bc i haven't managed a cowl design i like yet, so that'll come later with any hope. i'm not a huge fan of zdarsky's run for my own reasons, but i do love how checchetto draws the daredevil suit, so i took a lot of inspiration from that for this look. i did feel like it needed a little more visual interest, hence the black paneling and the wraps being a different shade of purple. i actually love the boots, and i imagine they were designed with good grip and range of motion in mind, so they're really flexible while looking like combat boots. virgil strikes me as more of a staff kind of person, but it does disassemble into a pair of escrima sticks, and it also assembles into his white guide cane, bc it's my favorite detail from the comics and NO i will never be letting it go 💖.

and the boys!!! this is how they appear in the main time frame of the fic. i went back and forth on virgil's outfit, but i decided that he's the type of person to show up to a client meeting wearing his patched up hoodie and combat boots, so his design is pretty true to ts canon lmao. logan bought him his purple sunglasses as a grad present, and they are one of the most precious things virgil has ever owned for it. they run brooks and storm law offices together.

you know i had to draw the boys in college!! this is how they looked when they first met, and it's for sure the blondest virgil's hair ever is. i do however like this length for his bangs a lot, so i might rework my current design for him, it's not like it matters if his eyes are obscured lol. they roomed together for the entirety of law school, and have been best friends since basically day one, because they clicked so easily. logan got into so many fights with ableist professors on virgil's behalf, even though he knew that virgil could defend himself, logan never let anyone say anything negative about virgil behind his back. virgil appreciated this more than he could ever put into words, but once he managed to decode the weird ways in which virgil shows affection and appreciation, logan understood. (virgil stopped wearing his cross one day in their third year. logan never asked why, and virgil never shared.)

the other roles in this au i have so far are an oc as karen (her name is eleanor "ellie" valentine), patton as claire, janus as brett, and remus as melvin , but only kind of, it's a whole thing that i will explain in due time. i'm not sure of roman's role yet, i had the thought of his as elektra but that felt WILDLY mean, so i'm probably not going to do that lmao. i will find a place for him, because i like roman, i'm just not sure yet. i considered thomas as lantom but idk, virgil is less religious than matt is, (actually, he's exactly as religious as i always write matt to be, but in terms of this au loosely following the show, he's less religious) so i doubt that'll stick.

(also yes!! romantic analogical endgame!! i am a sucker for both mattfoggy and analogical, so it was the only logical progression :D)

there'll almost certainly be more of this au soon, and please feel free to ask me any questions you have about it! my anons are on and everything, i really just want an excuse to talk even more about this au, i'm so hyperfixated rn lol.

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captainkurosolaire · 3 years ago

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I challenge you to pick five Tumblrs in your social circle and tell them something you admire about their blog!

Only 5? I could probably do 500. However, that's determined by what's considered my social circle. I'm often in my head being incredibly social continuously is really a challenge of mine. I'm always actively marching to something, my flame of passion when I have it, I can do some crazy stuff but it diminishes relatively quickly, so I try to cling. But I'll up your thing and list 25 of my fave people. Ask me this same thing in a Month, I'll keep doing 25, until I do all the people. How about that? (If anyone wants to be taken off mention let me know.)

@eligos-venator

- Has one of the most intelligent and sophisticated minds, I've had the pleasure to know. Literally admire all his aesthetics, work, head-cannons, ideas. It's only a benefit that the dude shares some OC characteristics to my own (Winning features). I really enjoyed the short-thread we did. It was incomplete, mainly because of my faults. I want to actually be better to give him a proper delivery and RP worth his time, but he's incredibly worth the investment of eyes.

@mischiefandmystics

- If there was a Mount Rushmoore of writers who kept me in this endeavor, encouraged me. Sun'ra is one of them. His characterization skills, writing, the delivery and how believable his character is, they're masterful acts.

@mishivymendi

- I wouldn't be nearly tamed or as creatively freed if it wasn't for this gem. She broke my shell, I really didn't at a time ever see myself being anything really beyond a smut writer, but Mishi not only saw potential in me, but brought it out. Her stories and world's she brings to life are so majestically colorful.

@asymphonyofash

- My go-to. He's another pillar individual who saw things in me past just the obvious perception, (Probably second longest XIV RPer I know.) Taught me a lot of the lore, I shot him up and he's sort of become my stapled rock. He's right aside Sun'ra met them about the same, both took me under their wing's as I quietly observed and absorbed.

@lavender-hemlock

- We're always up and front with each other, never feeling like I couldn't say anything around, extremely rare to share that these days. Her gif's are legendary, something on my own terms I want to soar in quality. The writing she does is astounding. Character has so many mysterious pages that are quite addictive to want to explore and learn them. (Encore 20 below-cut)

@under-the-blood-moonlight - Her sweetness and artwork and overall is just a friendly presence to be around. I cherish them so much. One I can jive with more darker undertones with. She's one the most hardworking and ambitiously creative people. I'd mail them infinite hugs if could. Thanks for being you! @roxinova - I owe a lot of credit to her. She's constantly OOC and everything was nudging me too be more inclusive to things and involved heavenly. It's rare for me. I'm really horrible about that my autism sets me back socially, I constantly will be drowned by the next day and be reverted back to better off alone, that's my major crux and weakness. But her thoughtfulness, these things, aren't ever foreign to me, I do pay attention probably better than any would ever give me credit. She's a beacon model to have as a friend. @corpse-dancer - Haven't ran into many words with them, but her character, screenshot game, expressiveness, they're all a marvel to constantly see, alongside her attitude and bringing life character. I do think if I were better, we would click quite splendidly. They've recently reminded and motivated me to pick-up my daily-practice, or try too. Keep being a rockstar. @fair-fae - Few who wouldn't know who she is in this community. She's been in my opinion a huge core. I'm certain she's inspired many who weren't even RPers too try it by seeing her at the Quicksands or elsewhere, a tyme ago. Making no exception, I was even one of those. I used to be in QS every-single day and was often doing my shameless stuff. Though her presence first did show me there's a lot more. I admire her in all fields. Also appreciate her adopting me to the FC and her always thinking of others and giving events, or her aesthetics and portrayal, its the epitome of swan elegance. @thorcat - One of my most treasured friends. Been RPing with them for a longtime. There's never anything complicated between us or a rift of drama, it's just let's go and have fun. We really mesh well, I've welcomed nearly ever character and got the privilege to RP with nearly all them. They always open up envelope and help me, settle on back and just laugh. Whether used to be waking up to their characters humping my afk one or use randomly having a hardcore banter between Ufah and Captain and capturing them as a voidal pet. Memories with them isn't something I'd ever want to lose. I love ya! Never stop enjoying life for anything. @lukawarrioroflight - I get in the gutter find myself lacking motivation or writing, discouraged even... But I never have felt, I could ever do any wrong with this person, they bring the light out of me. So no matter what, how many hospital-beds I yearly visit, it's because of this rare nature, that I come back, even if they're the only one's ever to read my stuff. I would do it for them alone. @scholarlybreadbun - I've only been back recently and they've so much warmth. Their presence is the sun of inviting. The couple and posing all the shipping that stuff makes me even melt. I'm not particularly talented in regards to posing couples, but I took notice of them along time ago and set on quietly improving. Really like them for them, wouldn't ever want them to change that. Ideally look forward to be in their orbit longer so I can bask in them. @seascrapes - Been mutual with them for a while. Their aesthetics and character is all S+ level. I appreciate throwing back tagged prompts with them, one of many people I really think would be enjoyable to collab with any other seafarers. The artwork and pieces of Tal Brook, are breathtaking as ever exceptionally too, not to mention. Love your stuff matey, you're a king. @mai-takeda - Is a myth. Her absolutely sheer friendliness and her attitude, are so positive influencing, I was so thrilled to be welcomed with her and boosted by them early on. I couldn't see myself, wanting to exist where they didn't have happiness like the same she always delivers by just doing so many soft-things. Not to mention her writing... She's a whole world to throw yourself gazes

under. @zhauric - It doesn't go far either without the same breath of Mai, I could say about Zhauric. He's someone worthy to look-up and also recognize they're passionate and inviting, hoisting up literally everything. Could easily find any of their characters comrades with my own, or jiving alongside. Not to mention last XIVWrite, they slaughtered it. So enjoyable to read them all. I like how organized their blog is too, motivated me recently to redux my entire thing. @cadrenebula - They have so many diverse characters and their entire roster is vibrant and is imbued with a massive flux of life. They are able to encapsulate so many character's voices and portray them so effectively too, I really admire that greatly. They've made me think bigger and try myself recently at actually undertaking a huge roster of characters too. I've taken many breaks, but I always am so graciously returned often with them close-by and that's so incredibly sacred. I've seen a lot of people get discouraged or quit, leave, departure, etc. But they always seem to have a bigger house then they had last I took a break and I enjoy peaking in. @silvernsteel - Her artist and gif-work are awe-aspiring, there's little unrecognizable by her photo-sets and edits. They helped me even tip-toe into uncharted with giving me the recipes to try incorporating gifs into my arsenal. Plus so delightfully pleasant to actually talk with and just chill. I want nothing less in life, than the beauty they give, to be returned to them for eternity in all their glorious air. If ever needed anything of me, they've got me. @spotofmummery - We talk about passion or friendliness or overall a person to even remotely try to be, I got to include them. Their web-series and writing, screen-work, everything they do is fantastic. And that's furthered back nearly any I've met showcase or immortalize how just genuine of stellar person they are. I wish them always the energy to create and sparks. @snow-covered-moon - They've never been anything less but absolutely a diamond to know. I enjoy their character, their almost always abundant of energy that's very rub inducing. Their WoL character stories, writing, screen-shots, everyday they open up a new pandora box of joy, there's no mistaken love behind their character and that's infectiously easy to also enjoy something when the author does too. Always healthy to be around, I never feel short of vitality when they're close-by. @letheofthelost - Always cheerful or least encapsulates with me, they're a carnival ride. Just pure epic story-telling and engaging equally as passionate, constantly writing characters, not looking for anything outside of RP or anything really just being their selves, they fade all others. I love their presence, them as a person. Enjoy any character they'll ever come and throw under me, or a change of pace. Always feels easily understandable between one another. @crow-iv - Together we're an unfiltered, unstoppable wake of pure passionate writers and art. But I would say they're far ahead of me, in every regard. Already able to portray multiple characters in a scene and do such in-depth thinking, alongside even sketch or draw right afterwards or a scene. They're so talented, huge reason I set-out on giving them a Crew of cast and actual stories to-tell when I'm actually caught up and if they interested and we both have the room, I really think if further myself, I can be better and supply more for them to draw and I want to see them soar. I want to give them all my improvements and effectiveness. @trishelle - They've such a reinforcing personality and aura around them that easily bolsters anything that dares thinking they're about to be depleted so energizing. Aesthetics, characters, all them are so lively that further compliment their own mun's great welcoming presence. Worth hundreds of smiles and stars, keep high. Wish I had more time to dedicate to learning you! But I do notice and appreciate you. @fracturedfantasia - One of my people, I like to retreat and just talk my full

head-cannons with or learn, share insightful and inquisitive thoughts about philosophies and multi-culture things. Or plotting and in-general, they're a well of information and brimming ideas, they are every making of what makes a quality friend. When you can generally be open-about-all that's a real one right there. Their characters and tarot readings, I always would implore if they're offering. Thanks for giving me any-time. You're truly a treasure. @violet-warder - Never have even came to words with them yet unfortunately but didn't mean as a mutual, I haven't admired all their screenies, writing, or the aesthetics they bring of their character. Glamours is real end-game, I like all what you've done and put together. I care strictly about what represent and give, I don't want to see them ever think anyone want's them gone, they are abundantly so talented and possess things only they can deliver. I think recently came back too, and I'm glad to share, hopefully, overtime I can build you better up. Or eventually even talk, but I'm certain you are a busy-body person too, so we're relatable. @layla-grey - I have a lot of underline issues that set me back as a flawed person, but I've never not been anything but someone who's open, it's why I always do include my f-list in anything or etc. I'm not here to present this facade, and really don't care to be an image crafted by another. No one as of recently or now, am I close with as an RP partner or friend with then this stunning masterpiece. I never let-up on story-telling or anything so I can eventually use my Crew or other Characters, to give them anytime a master entertaining day, they push me to not be short-changed. IC and OOC I would devote my full attention too cause they've never shed from me. Didn't ever matter how much silence or anything, they're always around. And don't expect anything out of me or pressure. Just accept me and I equally share that sentiment, I want you to have everything in this world has to offer. ----- This is just a fraction of people, I've paid attention, noticed or know. I've been around in this Community for many years. There's a lot of things I could say about it, more probably then anyone else. But what matters to me, is recognizing the people who are here, that work hard, build others up, support, constantly are a beam. I don't need to interact with everyone, to know when someone is generally out for good. Or they're out for bad I've learned inquisitiveness longtime ago, I had to survive and remain afloat. I just go out and be me, and along the way, I get to find people like these, who help bring out the best me. I am nothing without these people, creators, writers, artist. I'm a terrible friend, horrible person, I don't have the energy to interact NEARLY with as much as I'd like with you all, If I could clone myself, or if things were different, I would drop it all to be in your orbits more if could. But, do know I appreciate you. And even if you ever do depart from this whole community or anything, know that anything you share, or give, that stuff does matter, somewhere, someone was aspired, if nothing else, by me. ONLY you can give the worlds you see and I am thankful. Do love yourself.

#I acknowledge you #Love you #Keep doing you #Asks answered #I'm the one guy who's never not going to be filtered or unspoken #To many people have left or been broken #Don't you ever think about it.#There's so many many more #But I'll recharge for next time

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mythicamagic · 4 years ago

Note

wow! that's an amazing list. “i’ve been falling in love with you since the first day we met”

A continuation of other tumblr prompts I’ve made into a fic - here

Hopefully chapter four will be the end lolol this fic has been far longer than I intended it to be.

---

Kagome stared out at passing scenery beyond her window with a glazed look dulling her eyes. Heavy thoughts carried her attention far away from the mundane train ride. She hadn't visited Kyoto in years, and especially not for such a special reason before.

Shippo's voice had sounded so strange on the phone. Mature, but not overly deep, maintaining its playfulness. He'd invited her over for a visit right away.

A 'bing!' noise roused her enough to check her phone- which showed a picture of Natsuki posing with a spear and fresh kill.

Kagome snorted, resting her chin on her knuckles. There were a few things about Natsuki that she was surprised Sesshoumaru hadn't commented on.

Number one; her boyfriend was a demon.

And number two; he was, specifically, an inuyoukai. A mongrel. She imagined Sesshoumaru felt mighty smug to know she'd found a demon of the same species as him to date. Natsuki being of mixed breeding surely made the Daiyouki feel all the more superior.

But Kagome had never cared about such things. She'd loved Inuyasha once, too.

The short version of their 'getting together' just two months prior was that she'd located a demon bar a few years ago and had been dating youkai ever since, using the place as a means to meet them. The relief of finding the secret den of long-forgotten youkai had been unparalleled. Kagome now knew exactly how to locate and see through glamorous thanks to years of experience.

She'd found out through the process of elimination that humans just kind of...weren't enough for her. Kagome needed the youki, the rush- the bite of claws, talons or fangs.

Natsuki was one of many in a long line of potential 'forever' partners, but Kagome had long since stopped expecting marriage down the line. If they lasted, that was fine. If not, that was fine too.

She had resolved never to fall hard for someone again.

Natsuki left Tokyo a few days prior to go on a hunting trip with his pack in a remote location up in the mountains, a monthly tradition.

'Can you skip it this time?' Kagome had asked. 'I'd just...really like it if you could come to Kyoto with me?'

'But I don't know your fox friend.'

'Doesn't matter- he hasn't seen me in 500 years. I would feel so much better if you were there.'

Natsuki looked as though she'd spat in his breakfast. 'Ah, uh-' he ran an awkward hand through his light-brown hair. 'I guess?'

The hesitancy and look in his eyes- begging to be let off the hook- made Kagome force a smile and drop the subject.

She sighed, figuring they'd probably break up soon. There wasn't really anything wrong with their relationship, just a difference in values and priorities.

It seemed to be the norm. No huge fight. No big dramatic breakup. Usually she even stayed friends with her exes.

Sesshoumaru was the outlier in all things.

She made certain not to tell the Daiyoukai of her impending singleness. If he was irritatingly optimistic now- Kagome imagined he'd be a nightmare to shake off if she were available.

But he'd stop if I outright told him to never speak to me again.

Her lips thinned, stomach turning at the mere thought.

For the rest of the journey, she resolved not to think about him. And failed miserably.

----

Shippo had greeted her at the door with an enormous hug the second she'd arrived at his hilltop home. Brilliant red hair had grown longer, swept back into a ponytail. Since his house perched a little further out from most of the houses, he wore no glamour. The pointed ears and foxtails- five of them- Kagome counted, were on full display.

Tears pricked her eyes, and she hugged him back fiercely.

His wife was pleasant, though a little eccentric for a racoon youkai. She'd made a 'welcome' banner and everything for Kagome's arrival.

Three young kits with dark circle markings around their eyes raced around the house- which had crayon drawings sprawled all over the walls at waist-height. Shippo and his wife seemed to have given up on house maintenance, but they were a happy family.

Blue eyes softened as Kagome sat with him in the relative privacy of his art studio. She was so pleased he'd found happiness. As they talked, she bent down- reaching into her bag for her phone to show him some pictures of her workplace- only for it to tip over.

A small bottle of pills rolled out, stopping by his foot.

Kagome paled. She glanced away from his questioning look as he handed them back to her. "Reiki suppression pills?" he asked.

"How'd you know?"

"I've got friends in Tokyo. You're not the only priestess who secretly dates demons," he shrugged, pinning her with a calculating look. "But, it's kind of a shame you feel the need to take them."

Kagome forced a smile, tucking them away, "yeah well- it's because I'm so big and strong," she joked. "I haven't met a demon in Tokyo who could withstand my aura if I really let it out. Taking these is easier. Gives demons the 'flavour' of dating a miko without actually getting burned. It just thins my powers a little."

Shippo nodded in acceptance and swiftly changed topics since it made her uncomfortable. He chattered on about his life, detailing the 500 year gap between when they'd seen each other last. Apparently, after Miroku and Sango had passed, he'd taken to spending more time with Sesshoumaru. When Inuyasha had died, he'd started living with the Daiyoukai permanently.

"You...did?"

He nodded, hands wrapped around his steaming mug of tea. A handmade bracelet clasped around his wrist, and the mug was half-melted, made from clay. Clearly they'd both been crafted by three well-meaning kids. "I guess we were gonna talk about him eventually," he smirked. "I promise not to be biased, okay? Sure, he saved my ass, but you're still my favourite."

Warmth flooded her heart, and Kagome giggled a little despite herself. "You're talking like we're your divorced parents or something," she mused, sobering. Taking a long breath, she stared at her own misshapen mug. "What happened?" she asked quietly. "Why didn't he create a pure-blooded heir?"

Shippo sighed, sweeping a hand through voluminous red hair. "He chased after you pretty much a second after you left through the well. Only he couldn't get through."

Her chest tightened, body stiffening.

"He's told me before though...that regretting what happened wouldn't have been enough, and maybe it was better he didn't stop you. He still felt the same at the time, deep down; that only a pure-blooded heir should take over the Western Lands to ensure he was survived by a long-living heir. He was gonna do it," Shippo muttered. "He was prepared to lay with an inuyoukai to produce an heir, but when the time came he just...couldn't. It frustrated him for a long time."

Kagome took a sip of her lukewarm tea, lips thinning. "He could've taken a mate. It didn't have to be some random woman."

"Heh, yeah but his inuyoukai instincts had already chosen a mate," Shippo winked at her. "And no matter how much he tried to force logic onto himself, his instincts refused to budge. You weren't dead, so in his mind, he couldn't move on. He's remained your captive all this time."

Her eyes widened, swallowing. "That sounds terrible!" she burst, frowning. "What the hell...I'd resent that. Why doesn't he hate me?"

"Hard to explain but...he could have moved on, Kagome," the kit sighed. "If he really wanted to. He's the one who lacked the desire to change how he felt about you. So, despite some relationships, Sesshoumaru has pretty much maintained his bachelor lifestyle."

Kagome stood from her seat, setting down her tea and distractedly looking at Shippo's art pieces, picking up a sketchbook and flipping through it.

Sharp green eyes searched her guarded features. "You're still in love with him, right?"

"Some habits are hard to kick," she said softly, pausing on one sketch. Her vision grew blurry.

Shippo rose and swept the shuddering miko into a hug before she could drop the sketch of Sango and Miroku. He held her for a long time, and they moved on to talking about their friends. About all the things they'd done and the happiness they'd shared.

"M-maybe I...left too quickly," Kagome mumbled, wiping at her wet cheeks.

"Nah, don't get that thought stuck in your head," Shippo rested a hand on her head, gently ruffling the dark strands. "You wanted distance between you and Sesshoumaru. It's not your fault the well shut."

"Why did..." swallowing thickly, she looked up at him, oddly feeling like a child in comparison to his steady, easy-going presence. Like nothing in the world could shock or frighten the little kit anymore. "It took him 6 years to come talk to me, why is that?"

Shippo's smile turned slightly sad. "He wouldn't want me to tell you. In fact, he'd kill me for giving you this-" Shippo reached into his pocket and took out a vial.

Kagome understood what it was almost immediately, accepting the glamour with a perplexed look.

He then scribbled down the name of a random park in Tokyo she hadn't visited before, handing it over with a smirk. "Put that glamour on and visit this park on either Tuesday or Thursday, weather permitting. You'll find him near the duck pond."

She arched a brow, eyeing the vial. "He'll recognise me, even with a glamour on."

"Nah, that's my own creation- and I'm pretty darn brilliant at magic now!" he puffed out his chest, tilting his chin up in a very Sesshoumaru-like manner. Shippo then smiled warmly, taking the sketchbook and tearing out a page. "He's not being honest with you, but it's not outta nefarious purposes. You'll see," he reassured her. "He's changed. Even if he's still an asshole."

Kagome accepted the page, freezing. Her fingers stiffened, emotion clogging her throat at all the implications that came with the picture. She couldn't help but cry again in the safety of Shippo's arms- promptly bursting into tears while on the train ride home too.

Shippo's sketch remained clutched in her hands.

The weight of so much wasted time rested upon her heavily, making the woman bend low in her seat, ignoring the stares of other passengers and letting out several years of loneliness and disappointment. How her skin had ached and burned up with a fever of remembrance- straining for a demon lord to take her wrists and kiss her palms like he once had.

---

Overcast skies blocked out the sunshine that Tuesday, so she wondered if he'd show. The glamour had made her look like a 40-year old, a few grey streaks in her magically short hair. Brown eyes stared back at her instead of blue. She smelled like lavender and home cooking. Kagome sat upon a bench and pretended to read beside the duck pond. An available bench sat further away, nearer to the empty play park.

It was there that a dark-haired man eventually sat, five children having followed him. A lanky teen took a seat next to him, his hair short and grey- eyes milky white with blindness. Kagome squinted from behind her book, sensing he was a snake youkai. Two young hanyous of differing species immediately ran to the play park, squealing. One had concealed horns, the other hiding their leopard spots behind a glamour.

A human girl around the age of 11 carried a toddler to the edge of the duck pond, talking quietly with him and pointing to the ducks.

Kagome held back the hot sting of tears, forcing her gaze to the book in her hands and robotically turning a page.

"Shinto needs to get out of his room," the snake youkai was muttering sourly.

"There is little I can do. Did you wish for me to carry him kicking and screaming to the park with us?" Sesshoumaru snorted, elbows bent to rest on his knees.

Kagome glanced at him furtively from the corner of her eye.

Gone was the easy confidence he'd presented to her during their encounters- the impeccable dress-sense and untouchable air of a bachelor. He looked like a mess. Or rather, a single parent struggling to juggle too much at once. He wore a jacket that had seen better days, hair dishevelled and slight lines under his eyes.

"Maybe that would've been better," his adopted child was muttering, soon sighing and glancing to the side as Sesshoumaru toyed with his phone. "Do you even have her number?"

Sesshoumaru arched a brow, feigning ignorance. "Hm?"

"You know who I am referring to. Just ask for it from Uncle Shippo."

Dark lashes lowered, followed by a rich, silky chuckle that made Kagome's skin warm. "Such underhanded methods, Hiroji," he teased, "no wonder you're not popular with women."

Hazy eyes gazed in his general direction flatly, huffing. "Please refrain from trying to dodge the question. Have you actually asked this 'Kagome' woman out yet?"

"I invited her to coffee."

"Such a cheap date, Papa!" the human girl by the duck pond smiled, carrying her brother back to them. "Couldn't you have invited her ice-skating, or to a fancy restaurant?"

"Or to the park!" one of the Hanyous yelled from the swings.

Sesshoumaru cut his eyes to grey skies fondly, accepting the toddler from his daughter. "The location does not matter. Miss Higurashi is not easily swayed," he uttered, large hands toying with little boots. The toddler giggled, kicking his legs. "Initially, I wished to bury her with gifts, but she would merely see that as an attempt to 'buy' her. No, I sense only a display of humility and regret will soften her opinion of me, however that seems quite impossible."

"Hm? Why's that?" his daughter asked.

"Because I do not wish to use you all as an example of my having 'changed.' It would feel as though you are mere tools for my redemption," brown eyes slid away. "My mindset altered gradually over the centuries. No large thing triggered it. I know of no other way to prove myself other than introducing her to you."

Kagome could tell by the twitching of his fingers and the way he kept brushing them over his jaw absentmindedly that he was itching for a drag of his pipe. She'd wondered if he still occasionally smoked. He must've decided not to around his children.

"Sounds like heavy stuff," the girl hummed, patting his shoulder in consolation. "Can't you just say-" she cleared her throat, voice deepening into a poor imitation of Sesshoumaru's- "Miko, I've been falling in love with you since the first day we met. Fall into my arms~"

Deep brown eyes flattened, and he playfully shoved a hand into her face. "Things are not so easily fixed, Akiko."

"I see. Well, don't worry! If it doesn't work out, we can all go ice-skating instead!"

Sesshoumaru tsked, sinking back into his seat and allowing the toddler to snuggle up on his chest. "How dull. I'd much prefer to go on a date with a beautiful woman than babysit you brats."

Akiko only giggled and whined good-naturedly, calling him a 'meanie' before running off to join the Hanyous on the swings.

Left in silence, the Daiyoukai's brows knitted together, thoughts clearly far away.

Mild concern softened Hiroji's boyish features. "You should try talking to her again," he said quietly, so faintly Kagome could barely hear it.

"Hn, and why is that?"

Shifting, the snake demon glanced sightlessly in Kagome's direction- causing her blood to freeze in her veins. "I suspect she may be more receptive to speaking with you now, that is all. Call it a hunch."

Stiff shoulders slowly relaxed upon realising he wasn't going to expose her. After a few minutes, Kagome rose from her spot and slipped away from the park.

In the comfort of her own apartment, Kagome gazed at the sketch Shippo had given her; Sesshoumaru sleeping without a glamour obscuring his exotic features. Resting on mokomoko, his knees, and the crook of his arm were children, different from the ones at the park, but just as mixed in species.

It implied he'd been adopting them for centuries. What had started with Rin all those years ago- the accidental adoption of his first child, had become a long-enduring habit. And it also gave Kagome the stupid, insidious idea that maybe he wanted hanyou children now. Maybe he wanted them with her.

And that was too dangerous a thought to linger on if she was incorrect.

#Sesskag #Sesshoumaru x Kagome #Asks

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mcudarklibrary · 3 years ago

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Author Q&A: searchforanotherway

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@searchforanotherway

How long have you been writing fanfics? If the MCU wasn’t your first fandom, what was?

I published my first fanfic on FFN in 2015 for Naruto and RWBY. From there, I discovered a community of Overwatch writers on Tumblr by 2018 and began writing fanfic for Overwatch until I got into the marvel and started writing Avengers fanfic in 2019.

What helps motivate you to write? Where do you find inspiration?

If I am procrastinating and looking for motivation, usually I will go back and re-read some of my works to get the gears in my head thinking about future scenes and plot. I like to think of myself as a maladaptive daydreamer and visualize my story to help organize the plot. I also try to re-read some of my favorites from other writers as good inspiration to remind myself of the type of dark!fic and writing style I'm hoping to achieve.

If you could give new writers any advice, what would it be?

Read from your favorite fanfic authors and ANALYZE their work. I don't mean to say "be critical", but notice the things they do right! Or in better terms, notice the things you like about their writing. Some writers are talented at exposition or narration, detailed descriptions, setting the tone (especially for dark!fics) in their writing, paragraph formatting and grammar; understand all the writers that inspire you and adopt parts of their writing style that you like from all of them to help improve your own writing and create a unique style that you can appreciate.

The last advice I will give is a classic saying that I think all writers are well familiar with: "show, don't tell". It's something I'm still trying to get better at myself, but I do think that writing descriptively helps! And trying to balance that with some exposition and narration can make the difference in the pacing of your fic. There's a lot of resources online, so I suggest checking it out if your still confused! The internet is always available to help you with writing!

What is your favourite dark trope and/or kink? Why?

As much as I wouldn't mind listing off every trope and kink I love, I think I can sum them all up as any trope or kink that has disturbing intimacy. So breeding kinks and A/B/O's are a yes! Not so much other things like gun/knife kinks. Along that, any type of yandere trope that shows some sort of one-sided affection to the subject of said affections.

Share a few lines/paragraphs of one of your stories that truly sums up your style. Don’t forget to share a link to the story!

I will leave a lengthy snippet below from my Overwatch story, 'Hime'. It's currently still in progress and available to read on AO3. (https://archiveofourown.org/works/18539803/chapters/43942510)

- - - - -

“Don’t take me away from him! I’m not leaving!”

But no amount of strength you had could help you as Hanzo finally ripped you away from Genji.

“No! Nooo!” You beat your fists over the Shimada lord, but they did nothing while Hanzo quickly lifted you into his arms, carrying you like the bride you were supposed to be, walking the two of you away from the crowd.

You turned over to face them again, yelling louder, “Please! Someone save my husband, please!” You cried even harder watching all the shocked expressions from everyone. They all roamed closer to Genji’s dying body, but none of them made a move to help him.

You reached out for your love, and countless more tears washed down your face, but when the gates to the palace suddenly came into your vision, closing itself from the city, did you turn to Hanzo.

“Brother! W-where are you taking me?” Hanzo didn’t respond but instead continued to walk through the compound and up the stairs that led to the Shimada’s home. You struggled out of his grip, but Hanzo’s grasp was firm and unyielding. You cried out in pain when his hands held your body even tighter to his hot chest. The doors into the home opening as he led both of you inside. You continued to cry until he eventually led you to his room.

Hanzo released you then, placing you down on your feet only for you to try and bolt away from him a few seconds later. Hanzo quickly grabbed you by your forearm before you even reached the door, and pulled you further back into the room.

“Hanzo stop!” You yanked your arm, but he did not let go. “Stop Hanzo! Why are you doing this? Please! Genji is your brother! I am your sist—”

You couldn’t finish when Hanzo turned to you, more furious than you have ever seen a man before. “You are not my sister! You are my wife! And I will consummate this marriage tonight!”

What did he say?

His wife?... Consummate?

You screamed.

Is there a dark trait you like to interweave into your dark characters? Is there something in particular that draws you to this characteristic?

I enjoy dark!characters that have yandere and delusional characteristics, and I like to sum up the reason why as my intense fear and guilt to be in an actual irl relationship to which I use fanfics to create characters that would love the reader and be with her against her consent.

Which story did you struggle to complete? The one that made you drag your feet to finish.

I consider my story, 'Hunger' to be the most struggling to write. I initially wrote that just to let out my sexual frustrations, but a lot of feedback has been about the plot... That I've barely made outside of a few important events. With that, there's been some pressure to speed up the pacing. Also, fun fact: 'Hunger' was originally supposed to be an Overwatch fanfic.

Do you have a mutual who will hold your hand and support you when you’re doubting yourself? Do you have one who will truthfully and honestly help you grow as a writer?

@americasass81 has been there for me a lot when I've been at my worst doubting myself, and the sweetest part about it was that she reached out to me on her own accord usually after I post a rant. She is incredible and literally carrying this community on her back--we don't deserve her.

As for who helped me grow as a writer, I definitely confided with @darkdrabblings back when I first got into Overwatch fanfiction. We would throw each other headcanon ideas and all that, and she really did support me a lot. Since then, I don't really have a lot of conversations about my writing with other people.

Do you have a story that contains personal or important details from an experience that is your own?

My first story that I wrote on FFN, 'Nothing More, Nothing Less', was written when I was severely depressed, with a female protagonist that reflected me and my life. 'A Thousand Suns' is another one in which the protagonist's background would be similar to my own.

Check out @searchforanotherway masterlist here

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#searchforanotherway #mcudarklibrary author q&a

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genaleah · 4 years ago

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ANSWERING WILDCARD QUESTIONS

For the first time in about a year maybe??? Some of these might be even older than that.

Yes, it is Korka! I definitely want her involved, she’s a wonderful character and there is a *lot* of fun paranormal stuff going on in this setting that she can help them research. Also, I’d just love for her and Nelson to become friends!

Thank you! I love him a lot, and it’s fun to picture him interacting with the other guys. They’d all make for some interesting uncle figures, but they might not be that great in terms of role models.

OHOHO. Devilish laugh. That’s a wonderful idea, and a good way to keep him occupied at some point. He’s a great character, but he’s incredibly powerful, and I want these dudes to solve their own problems whenever possible.

A good question! I don’t remember most of my dreams, but there’s usually a consistent look to the vivid ones. Lots of water, mountains, creeks, and high, winding roads. There are also a lot of buildings that are closely integrated with nature, even though I have almost never seen construction like that.

I had not, but now I have! Here’s a trailer, for anyone else that missed it:

https://youtu.be/33HXHaaagsw

I really like these new models! I’m looking forward to watching a playthrough when that’s available. Just like with Rhombus of Ruin, I don’t think I’ll be able to play this one myself.

DOUBLE FINE, I WISH TO SPEAK WITH YOU- no, I’m kidding! I think great minds think alike. But I’m really excited to learn more about that character and possibly involve them in this whole au eventually.

I’ve actually tried to avoid almost any info about Psychonauts 2 so I can go in mostly-blind, and a lot of the characters are vague to me. It’s fun to look forward to, but it’s also a little harrowing because I don’t know how to anticipate for it!

N...NO..... I NEED TO... Honestly those are old enough that it might be a good idea for me to re-make them, as well as the playing cards I made for the mega playlist cover. I think it’d be nice to remake them as vectors... that might make for a nice art stream sometime. I’ll mention publicly if I start doing that, and sharing any of these conceptual Wildcards arts when they’re done.

And if you’re just curious about what the tarot cards for the other characters are going to be, it’s this:

Eddie: Judgement, The Magician, The Emperor

Manny: Death, Justice, The World

Sam: The Chariot, The Tower, Strength

Max: The Devil, Wheel of Fortune, Joker

Although! I may actually give the Moon card to Max instead of the Devil, and replace the missing card from Nelson’s selection with the High Priestess? 🤔 I’ll decide when I get to it.

Could be! I’ve flip-flopped occasionally on if I want the split-a-cab gang to participate much in the story. I think they deserve a break, and splitting an apartment in New York seems like a good situation for the four of them.

Oh boy, that must be so disorienting for him. The Psychonauts deal with a lot of hippy-dippy weirdness in a seemingly organized way, but it seems like they’re not as paranoid about safety as a real federal organization would be. Not necessarily a good thing, considering one of their camp counselors went AWOL one day, and the head of the Psychonauts got kidnapped the next. They kinda need to get their act together.

Fun fact, in one of the earlier drafts of Chapter 3 I was actually going to make Nelson get scanned by the equivalent of a metal-detector for malevolent thoughts at the door and get really spooked by it, but I decided against it.

YEAH IT’S ON THE LIST

Honestly, a big bulk of the plot in this just regards characters having to face their mental health struggles... via facing it as literal internal demons, unstable powers, etc. It’s going to take a little while for any of Eddie’s teammates to realize how MUCH he has going on under the surface because he does a pretty good job of hiding it. “Needing to help others above ever helping themselves” is a hard issue to notice if you’re not looking for it. But it’s a guarantee that once they find out he needs help, they’ll give it; whether that’s making sure he’s not working himself too hard, or fighting off demonic cultists. Care comes in many forms.

SHE NEEDS TO REST.... POOR SYBIL (on the upside, they don’t TECHNICALLY work there, so she might be fine most of the time.)

Strong Bad isn’t a Psychonaut! He’s just a vlogger and a petty (psychic) criminal. It’s honestly not very different from canon.

Free Country, USA is a smalltown hotbed of psychic activity. Nearly everyone there has some mild capacity for supernatural powers, but nobody really notices or cares. Strong Bad just pops the tops off of cold ones and.... sometimes alters reality, a tiny bit. But mostly just in regards to media. The cartoons, comics, etc, that he invents and talks about have a tendency to suddenly voip into existence and nobody knows how. I swear, there’s actually a line of him saying something to this effect, but I can’t find it anywhere. Don’t worry about it! Nobody in town is ever going to do anything truly nefarious with their powers, so it’s not a high priority on the Psychonauts’ radar, just a weird footnote.

The only reason Homestar is an actual agent is because he seems like exactly the kind of guy to sign up for a job like that on accident and then stick with it. And he’s a talented telekinetic! None of his other friends know about his job or notice his absences.

And just for fun, here’s some weird instances of psychic overpowering that happened in the cartoon:

---

(Poor Strong Sad)

I’ve actually answered this one before! BAM Pretty sure all of it is still accurate.

Nelson: He sees floating sheets of paper containing notes, questions, etc. Anything that he wants to know more about regarding that person. The notes are subject to edits, cross-outs, ripped pages, etc.

Guybrush: He sees the item that the person is carrying that he wants most. As he gets to know people better, he sees them for their useful skills first.

Manny: His view of most living people is not very kind...

The people he’s closest to will eventually look a lot less garish. More like a flattering, camera-ready versions of themselves.

Eddie: Sickass sketch drawings that look like they belong in the margins of a composition book. The illustrations improve as he gets a better picture of where they’d fit in the internal lore of his mental world.

Sam: A lot like Nelson; Sam pictures case files, though his are a bit more in-depth.

Max: Max’s visions of people are highly personal and uncomfortable for those who witness them. He sees Nelson as a puzzle with a piece missing. Guybrush is a ripped up voodoo doll. Manny is a forgotten ofrenda. Eddie is a powder keg with a long, lit fuse. Sam is Sam, but he’s the wrong one.

I also got two questions that were pretty big subjects, or that I didn’t want to repeat, so I’m gonna cover them pretty broadly:

REGARDING [X] CHARACTER OR SERIES INCLUDED IN THE AU

Sure, I support it! I’ve gotten this question a few times in regards to things that I haven’t had time to delve into yet, or I’m not interested in, so I’m not going to include it into the AU myself. But if you want to explore an idea like that, feel free! This AU is pretty dang collaborative.

My main focus is just on the main 6 properties: Psychonauts, Puzzle Agent, Monkey Island, Grim Fandango, Brutal Legend, and Sam & Max.

But my general rule of thumb for “characters that exist somewhere within the background of this story” are any other properties owned by Telltale, Lucasarts, or Double Fine. And considering all of the licensed games that Telltale was getting into before it kicked the bucket, that includes some really weird characters, even up to the Venture Bros. I loved that series, but I’m not really interested in doing anything with them for this story! Partly for my sanity, the canon I’ve picked are already a lot of content to play with.

ASSORTED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE WILDCARD AU DISCORD

There’s no particular criteria needed to join the discord, and it’s not strictly on a need-to-know basis! Because it’s been a long while since anyone has joined, I've been hesitant about adding new people in... But I‘ve decided to try sending invitations again! Everyone who had asked about it in the past will be getting a ping by me in about a day or so, since I want to double-check if you’re still interested. If you’ve been nervous to ask you can reply to this post or message me privately.

Some things to keep in mind before asking or accepting the invite:

If you’re not a friend or a follower I recognize, I will likely double-check your tumblr along with some other current members before sending the invite.

Here’s the Rules page, so you know what to expect before you join:

Be Mindful - Respect other people's boundaries, don't do or say things that would cross the line. If your behavior makes other people feel uncomfortable or unsafe, I will remove you from the chat. In most cases I will try to resolve things with you and offer a chance to do better, but that will depend on the severity of the situation. And if you have any concerns regarding another member of the chat, you can contact me privately.

Health Boundaries - While discussions of mental health do occasionally pop up, do not rely on the chat for help. None of us are equipped to handle serious mental health concerns, and it will only cause distress for everyone. Please seek real help if it is needed! If you rely on people beyond the point that they have asked you to stop, I will remove you from the chat.

NSFW - Generally speaking, try to keep NSFW talk to a minimum. Swearing and humor is fine, but don't get too explicit please! Discussions should usually keep to a PG-13 / occasional R, but no NC-17.

Spoilers & Censorship - Please use the spoiler function to hide story spoilers, as well as discussions and graphic depictions of gore/excessive blood/body horror/severe psychological horror. Include a content warning so that people know what they could potentially be seeing when they click on the censored content. If the spoilered content is the subject of a back-and-forth discussion, please use another warning when you are switching to a different spoilered topic. (Note that these rules were added to the chat later, so be careful when using the search function or back reading.)

The canon series involved with the Wildcard AU are Psychonauts, Puzzle Agent, Monkey Island, Grim Fandango, Brutal Legend, and Sam & Max. Please be mindful of story spoilers!

Channel Organization - Also be mindful of which channel you're in and move a discussion over if need be! That way they don't get too clogged with unrelated info.

Creative Criticism - When it comes to writing, art, or character creation; try to be open to suggestions from others! Nearly all of the creative work in the chat is collaborative, so input from others is important! Creative criticism is not the same as judgement, and is not a personal attack.

Have fun! - Discussions move quickly in this chat! Don't feel bad if you ever need to step back, whether it's because of the speed or a disinterest in whatever current topic we're focusing on. If you ever want to come back, we're happy to have you and can give quick explanations if you feel out of the loop! :thumbsup:

We’re a group of approx. a half dozen to a dozen people, either posting very very quickly in a span of a few hours or barely anything for a few days. We’ve been in an activity uptick lately and there’s about a year and half of back content, too. If it’s hard to keep up on, not that interesting to read through, or you just have a hard time gelling with the group that's already there, there’s no shame in just lurking or dipping out if you need to.

We also talk a lot about Psychonauts OCs, so anticipate that.

#wildcard au #wildcard hcs

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