#actually that was a lie im not fine im just physically feeling better

[microwaved-cheese-sandwich]

brains are so wild, i will literally come from work like 'i am the worst human being on the planet, one of my cool coworkers made an ambiguously snippy comment, clearly this warrants a gruesome and agonizing death'

and then i take a goddamn shower and eat noodles

and im literally fucking fine. why do i work this way

[deathnguts]

Spare some rabastan lestrange for the needy pls🤲 (i’m the needy and i’d like to know what you think about his dynamic with his brothers)

Sigh, fine I’ll guess I’ll spare some pennies. Thank you for the ask! This is kinda scatter brained and kinda focused on Rodolphus to like parallel/paint how the brothers are together with they are separate and yeah I dunno I threw up

So usually I internalize whatever @florsial (formal apology to you pookie, Im about to act out of line 🫶) says about Rabastan because we tend to agree on things surrounding him but I think we definitely view Rodolphus differently. Which is fine, he barely exists as a character and I think it’s just representative of how we fundamentally view sibling relationships differently. Like I don’t know what it is with me, but I feel the need ti make every sibling relationship I write for either fanfiction or my own work complicated as hell.

So Rodolphus Lestrange. I think he’s a lot like Orion Black. Like he probably even looked up to him kind of when he grew up, (which is kinda funny because Rodolphus probably isn’t much younger than him if at all considering my headcanon that both walburga and Orion were young when they had both their children to kind of get it out of the way) and you can see that in like a lot of how he just is. Hes ‘stoic’ but actually just doesn’t feel a lot of emotions and doesn’t pretend he does, he’s probably like a hair away from being an alcoholic but he doesn’t drink because he knows that (unlike Orion who is very much an alcoholic), hes antisocial and physically annoyed around people because he doesn’t understand why they are as ‘efficient’ as he is and looks down on all of them.

He’s very work oriented, so much so that he doesn’t really have a life outside of it at all. He’s always been the twin the family knew to count on and he always liked having the title so he never had a rebellious stage or any real anger towards his expectations beyond being tired at the end of a particularly grueling work day. I think the only work hes expected to do that he actively doesn’t work towards doing is producing heirs. He doesn’t like kids, he thinks they’re loud and messy and they get in the way of a schedule. It’s like the only thing him and Bellatrix agree on since she also wants nothing to do with kids. (Also quick note on their marriage, I think they pretty much ignore each other and that’s their idea of what they’ll be like forever. When in public together they put on the ‘better than you’ couple mask but in every other scenario they live completely separate lives and actively avoid each other or they’ll find something to fight about.) like the general vibe I could sum him up with is, yes he’s Rabastan’s twin, but everyone who’s ever talked with him assumes he’s like a decade older and just aged well.

So to contrast that with Rabastan, who was never really expected to be anything and never proved anyone wrong, he’s the sort of kid his mother defends no matter what but he father actively tries to forget about. The exact sort Rodolphus looks down on. He can’t help it’s his brother, he’s still below him. And that would be easier to accept if Rabastan stopped proving it over and over. He had to act out in school, he had to move where mother couldn’t find at seventeen, he had to preach to the family that they were ‘immoral’ or whatever, and then he had to preach it to a child, and then he had to marry the child. Like, Rodolphus isn’t a good man by many means, but his lack of feeling or empathy towards people gives him a more head on view of them. And his head on view of his brother is that he’s useless, dramatic, and so desperate to be anything he’ll lie to a little girl to get her to view him that way. And not to say Rodolphus is any better since he witnessed first hand what his brother was doing, he literally walked in on the two hiding away to make out in a corner when regulus was still fifteen and his brother was the same age as himself and just turned back around and never mentioned it to anyone. A truly good person probably would’ve done something. Good thing that’s not what he’s trying to be.

(Also unrelated but I wanna circle back to a point @florsial has that I love about how Rabastan and Regulus are a couple who tries to nuclear and domestic but fails, I feel like that’s a joke on its own especially in this context. The idea that Rodolphus is the nuclear working man so Rabastan must parallel him by being a family man, he just isn’t. Yes he’s closer with his wife than his brother is, and yes that could be something he has over Rodolphus but pretty much no one in their family is proud of Rabastan for his teenage wife and it’s not like their perfect or anything.)

Rodolphus has probably told Rabastan he thinks this only once since he’s usually content to be quiet about it. He probably broke and yelled about how Rabastan will never be anything ro even get his shit together and it won’t matter because no one has hope he will and it hurts because Rodolphus was never given that leeway and it must be fucking nice to have. Rabastan probably doubles back with how much it must be nice for anyone to give a shit about you, to not only exoect things from you but love you even more when you deliver. They probably kept fighting until Rodolphus, as always, gets tired and shuts it down and goes home.

Because even a man who feels nothing has breaking points, especially when Rabastan keeps fucking pushing for one. And that was their relationship a lot of their life, I think. Rabastan desperately wanting to be seen and Rodolphus who is willingly blind. When they were younger that was ok, little kids before hogwarts just played together until father came to take Rodolphus away, growing boys at hogwarts who slowly drift apart when one doubles down on academics and the other found there’s more to do (and not for lack of desperate trying on the seconds behalf.) and then they’re grown up and neither can place what really happened. They’re sure they used to love each other, at least they think so. And they don’t know what happened, because something must have happened. Right?

Yeah I dunno it’s hard to continuously explain but I think what’s tragic about them is that it’s needless. Rabastan could try ti be better and it would not only help his relationships but himself, Rodolphus could try ti be more and he same would happen to him. If either brother were better at being human then they would be better at loving each other. But they’re not, so they can’t.

[obsessedwithpedritoofc]

Cᴏᴍғᴏʀᴛ (Fʀᴀɴᴋɪᴇ Mᴏʀᴀʟᴇs)

ℙ𝕒𝕚𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕘: Frankie Morales × Transmasc Reader.

𝕎𝕠𝕣𝕕 𝕔𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕥: 2,6 k.

𝕊𝕦𝕞𝕞𝕒𝕣𝕪: You weren't feeling well, not after the memories resurfaced that night. Luckily for you, Frankie is always willing to support you through your rough times and help you feel better... in more ways than one.

𝕎𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤: au, angst, mentions of nightmares, mentions of shots being fired, mentions of death, mentions of killing, mentions of anger problems, mentions of scars, fluff, frankies a sweetheart ofc, hesitation when having sex, smut, eating poosay, unprotected piv (dont do this at home), both reader and frankie are switches, rubbing, teasing, similarities with the series "time", not detailed physical descriptions of reader, no use of Y/N (reader is referred to as Lost). (lmk if i missed any).

𝔸/ℕ: STOP RIGHT THERE EVERYONE. this is a small drabble that i guess you can read alone, but if you want to understand the plot i suggest you go read the actual and first fic. im pretty happy with this short thingy, i wanted to do some transmasc reader being taken care of (if you know what i mean) and i think i did good (or so ive been told, tysm @pedritofics for helping me out (˵ ͠ಥ﹏ ͠ಥ˵) check out his fics hes an absolutely FUCKING AMAZING writer, seriously his help was so useful im crying rn ily ted). enjoy <3

𝕡𝕥 𝕚 𝕞𝕪 𝕠𝕟𝕝𝕪 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕤𝕠𝕟

𝕡𝕥 𝕚𝕚 𝕔𝕠𝕞𝕗𝕠𝕣𝕥

𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

You woke up with a loud gasp. Your chest hurt from breathing as heavily as you were. Your knuckles were white from gripping the bedsheets so forcefully. A shaky sigh left your mouth, then you tried to take a deep breath in an attempt to calm down a little. Moments like those made you grateful that you weren't sharing your cell with another inmate to whom you'd have to explain your nightmares. One less thing for you to worry about.

You weren't able to sleep any more for the night. The adrenalin kept you awake long enough for you to witness the cops knocking on your door a couple of hours later. You sighed again, not wanting to have to start the day like that.

But you remembered him.

You would do it for him.

Soon enough, you were in the dining room, grabbing a tray and looking for a table to sit at in the back. Unsurprisingly, he was already there, eating his own food and scanning around the room to try and spot you. The sight of him searching for you reminded you why being in that prison was not so bad.

You walked up to him, trying to ignore the way the other inmates were looking at you —it seemed like three months was not enough for them to get used to you not being like the rest of them. As soon as he noticed you approaching, he smiled at you as wide and beautifully as always. And like always, it made your heart flutter.

"Hey", he waited until you were sat to take your hand and kiss the back of it. "Mornin', beautiful", he smiled again. You gave him a small, brief smile of your own.

"Hi", you squeezed his hand.

"How'd you sleep?", he stared into your eyes. You could see the concern in his expression. He knew something was wrong. But you tried to shrug it off.

"Good. I'm good".

"Don't lie to me, you know you can't", he shook his head slowly, his eyes not leaving yours. You took a deep breath.

"It's fine, it's nothing, you know how I always get like this", you tried to give him a sincere smile. "I'll sleep better tonight, when I'm exhausted, you'll see", you cleared your throat. "You have to eat".

"You too", he pushed your tray in your direction with a warning look in his eyes. You sensed a hint of something similar to anger, and you could feel your insides burning with another one of your attacks. But you remembered it's him. You couldn't do that to him. So you just swallowed it down and nodded once more before starting to eat.

You spent the rest of the day avoiding him and giving him evasive and short answers every time he asked you if something was wrong. Part of your attitude was due to your lack of sleep. You couldn't lie to him about that, but you tried to keep the rest to yourself. Even if you knew he was there to listen to you, you didn't want want him to have to deal with more of your shit than he already had to.

At least you tried not to make him deal with more of your shit than he already had to, until you inevitably found yourself being alone with him.

You entered the shower stalls to find him already there, naked under the water, with no one else around. For obvious reasons, you preferred to shower as late at night as possible so no one would see you. Not even Frankie, until you randomly came across him.

"Hey", he tried to keep his eyes on yours, despite having his body already responding to the naked sight of you. You quickly wrapped yourself up in your towel, then turned around,ready to leave. But Frankie grabbed your wrist, then waited until you turned back to look at him. "Where're you goin'?".

"I just... thought you might want to shower alone", you looked down at your feet, avoiding eye contact.

"C'mon, you've been tryna stay away from me the whole day", he stared at you with hooded eyes. "What's wrong? And I want the truth this time — you're clearly not fine".

A heavy sigh left your mouth. You looked around the shower stalls, letting your eyes wonder anywhere but his. You tried to gather your thoughts and finally found the words to speak to him. When you did, your eyes found his at last, and you turned around to completely face him.

"I didn't sleep", you started.

"That's obvious. Lookit ya, y'have huge bags under here—", he reached out to trace the black underside of your eyes with his thumb. You gave him a dissatisfied look for how he had interrupted you, and as soon as he saw your expression, he cleared his throat and apologized; "Sorry, keep goin' ".

You sighed again.

"I had a nightmare. A... really nasty one", you looked down at the floor. You could feel your throat closing around your cracking voice, but you tried to swallow it.

"Fuck, hun...", he put a hand on your shoulder and pushed you to sit down with him on one of the benches nearby. You took a shaky deep breath.

"I was... My... He was there, with the baby... And he shot me, and the little thing... I couldn't...", your wide open eyes got lost staring at the floor again as you lost track of your own words. 

Frankie stood still, watching as you mumbled something he couldn't make out. When he saw the tears starting to stream down your cheeks, he wasted no time wrapping his arms around you. You laid your head on his chest, letting small droplets fall from his body to yours as he gently cradled you, hushing you softly and whispering "it's okay" constantly. You hugged him back and let out all the built-up tension inside you. It had been so long since you had cried for the last time, and you felt that the only one who could help you through it was Frankie, but you didn't want to cause him any more trouble than necessary. In the end, he was always the one to coax your feelings out, good or bad, just so you knew you could talk to him and feel safe with him. Although he didn't want to push you too hard, he wanted nothing more than to help you work through your emotional traumas. And you hated to admit that it was working.

You finally pulled away when your tears were completely dry on your face. Then you looked down, unable to look anywhere else. Your fingers squeezed his arm gently to call his attention.

"Frankie...", you said, still not looking him in the eye. Frankie then looked down at where your eyes were fixed, and he noticed his manhood hard against his stomach.

"Oh", he frowned lightly. Then, he laughed. "Sorry, I know you were talking about something serious—", a giggle interrupted his speech; "—but you gotta admit, you walked in on me naked, I couldn't help it", he kept laughing. You just couldn't help your own chuckle from coming out.

"You're just a perverted old man", you shook your head between laughs.

As you both kept giggling at the situation, Frankie reached for his towel and got up to put it around his body. Your heart skipped a beat at the sight of his covered hardness, and you immediately got up to grab his wrist to keep him from tying the towel back on his hips. He looked down between you and your hand, his surprise and confusion mirroring yours.

No words were spoken. Frankie let the towel fall to the floor. You got on your tiptoes to kiss him passionately, tongue and all, as he untied your towel from around your body. Your hands grabbed ahold of his strong arms, and you pulled him into one of the shower stalls. His lips slid down your neck, his tongue leaving a wet trail as he kept going downwards. When he finally opened his eyes, he saw the scars going across the underside of your chest. You suddenly felt hyperaware of your own body and tried to cover your scars. Frankie wasted no time taking your hand, entwining his fingers with yours. He kissed your knuckles, then your chest, then your scars. You gasped at the sudden feeling of his lips on your sensitive skin, but you didn't try to push him away. Instead, you wrapped your arms around his shoulders and urged him to keep going. He chuckled at your antics, his kisses never stopping.

Before you could wake up from your spell, Frankie was teasing the inside of your thighs with his tongue and teeth. You opened your eyes wide as realization hit you. You hesitantly put your hands on his hair, again not trying to push him away. He looked up at you with hooded, darkened eyes, as if asking for permission. You swallowed, feeling a bit unsure. Even now, you were hesitant to let him explore your body —a body you didn't want.

But he wanted it.

You nodded. Hesitantly, but you nodded. He wasted no time to start exploring your wetness. First he kissed the surrounding skin, then the upper part of the inside, to then finally find your sensitive nub. He started tasting it slowly, being gentle with you at all times, humming at the saltiness of your juices and sending vibrations up your spine, only to start sucking at your most sensitive spot with fervor, almost as if he had forgotten how careful he wanted to be when exploring your body at the beginning. That didn't seem to disappoint you tough, since you even forgot how to formulate correct sentences.

"Oh god... Frankie... Shit shit shit... Fuck yes...", was all you could mumble, your voice slurring your words.

You buried your nails in his scalp, scratching lightly every time he sent a jolt of pleasure through your body. Your hips were moving against his mouth, and your feet were kicking the shower floor and splashing water on both you and Frankie when the pleasure became unbearable. You weren't really aware of the situation anymore. The way he was making you feel better than you had ever felt before clouded your mind with desire. And before you could even warn him, your juices exploded into his mouth like a volcanic eruption. He lapped up your release like it was nothing, as if he had been starving for a long time and only you could provide him with the meal he wanted.

You collapsed on the shower floor, your back laying against the wall behind you. The cold feeling of the tiles made you jump for a moment with how sensitive your body was after the intensity of your climax. A heavy sigh left your lips, then you chuckled lowly.

"Damn... Haven't come so hard in like forever", your voice was hoarse when you spoke. Frankie laughed as well and sat up to wrap his arms around you.

"I aim to please", his lips found the side of your head. "I'm gonna need your help, if you don't mind", he whispered, kissing the top of your head again. You looked up at him with hooded eyes.

"You don't have to ask. I'll help you", you said slowly, your face expressionless despite your darkened eyes.

Frankie then leaned in to kiss you. Softly at first, then he opened his mouth to let your tongue in. Your hands went back to his hair, pulling slightly and eliciting a groan out of his mouth that died inside yours. He grabbed you and gently put you to lay on your back on the floor. You slightly pushed him away to look into his eyes.

"Don't", you whispered breathlessly.

"Don't what?", he asked, his own breath ragged.

"Don't be so careful", your gaze went down to his lips for a split second before going back to his eyes. "Stop being so gentle, I don't like it", your boldness made his heart skip a beat. For a moment, Frankie thought he had fucked up, that you weren't into him like he was into you. Then, you kept talking; "I want it hard", you felt your pupils widening instantly at your own words. So did his own. "Don't you want it hard?", you gave him a seductive look, your hand reaching out to grasp his erection. A sharp sigh left his mouth.

"Fuck yes", he breathed out. A small smirk formed in your lips.

"Then do it", you whispered, your voice just as seductive as your look. Your hand slowly rubbed his dick, until he pushed your hand away and turned you onto your stomach. You gasped once more at the cool feeling of the tiles against your skin. And you gasped louder when you felt him grip your hips to pull them upwards and thrusting roughly inside you.

Your hands retorted on the floor when you found nothing to hold onto. Cries of pleasure came from both of you as you lost yourselves in the intense pleasure of the moment. His thrusts only grew harder, the sound of skin slapping against skin echoing in the shower. One of his hands gripped your hips and the other held onto your shoulder to keep you in place. Once again, you lost track of time and space, as if the world had vanished around you two. For a second there, you heard him moan louder than you, and then he spilled himself inside you with no warning, just like you had done not long before.

He tried to keep going, wanting you to reach your peak as well, but overstimulation soon got him and he stopped. You took a moment to catch your breath, then pushed him onto the floor on his back and got on his lap.

"What're ya—?", he was interrupted by your hand on his mouth.

"Shut up", you positioned yourself so your mound would be enveloping his now semi-hard manhood, but not pushing him inside you. "I wanna fuck you", you said breathlessly. His eyes lit up and his cock started to grow hard again as soon as he saw your intentions.

You started moving your hips back and forth, his dick rubbing against your clit as you chased your release. He tried to grab your hips, but you held his hands down against the floor so he couldn't move. That only made his desire burn brighter, and overstimulation soon got to him again.

Before you could think of a sentence to warn him of your release, he spilled his own on his stomach, and you exploded again —even harder than the last time— all over him.

Both of you collapsed on the shower floor without saying a word, the silence being filled with your ragged breaths and leftover moans. Frankie wrapped his arms around you and left feather light strokes on your back. The sudden gentleness compared to how hard he was fucking you just a minute ago made you giggle. You wrapped your arms around him as well. He giggled back, and it made you laugh a bit louder.

"What a way to comfort me", you chuckled, your voice muffled as you nuzzled your face against his neck.

"Well, I wanted to help", he laughed lowly, his own face buried in your hair.

You stayed in place, in silence, for a while longer. Soon enough, the guards outside the shower stalls knocked loudly on the door, urging the both of you to finish. Surprisingly enough, they didn't seem to have heard you doing your things inside the shower stalls.

Neither of you even thought of actually finishing the shower, and just got dressed, grabbed your towels and walked outside.

You were both escorted to your cells without saying a word. Only sharing smiles, giggles and nudging the other playfully whenever one of the guards would tell you to keep your mouths shut. Frankie gave you one last smile and whispered a "goodnight" when he took the turn to his cell. You replied with a smile of your own.

That night, you closed your eyes and fell asleep almost immediately. It was like you'd never had a nightmare before that night, and like you'd never have another one after. Your pains, your rage attacks, your negative emotions, they all went away that night, and seemed like they would never return.

At least most of them, with the exception of the pain in your legs that you tried to ignore the next day, to no avail.

[cosmohydrargyrum]

like idk I feel pretty hopeless about my health in general especially since my rheumatologist and my PT make it seem like aids should be a last resort for me. I love the optimism (lie) but i can't fucking walk. I'm depressed, fatigued, and suicidal (no intent just thoughts) beyond anything but I mask it so well even in front of medical professionals who I'm supposed to trust with the reality. idek what it is that they're so insistent I can be normal if I just try hard enough. I just don't feel like trying when in actuality my condition will only get worse. I feel like no one actually realizes how much I'm affected. in front of some people I feel embarrassed that I'm so "lazy" because I haven't done much and I'm not working even though I haven't done much because I literally can't. I'm okay with acknowledging the fact that I'm disabled, I just wish everyone else would be. God I want a cane so bad but there's no way my parents would let me get one because they have the utmost faith in these people, and I'm afraid I'd use it improperly and ruin my shoulders and wrists.

adding to the cane thing my balance issues are getting so much worse and dizzy spells more consistent. I feel like it would help with support, not all the time I guess but when it's really bad. marching band is starting and after these rehearsals I will be so done. and I'm in front ensemble so I'm STANDING THE WHOLE TIME not even walking. but according to my PT this is such great timing that I'm learning stability now!!!!!!! oh my god he can suck my penis so hard guys he's so fucking irritating. bro the other day I almost fell down the stairs like 4 times because my knees and ankles were giving out and I was so dizzy. BUT SINCE I DONT LOOK LIKE IM IN EXCRUCIATING PAIN WHEN I PULL UP TO THE FUNCTION EVERYTHINGS FINE RIGHT 😝😝😝😝😝 who needs aids when you have determination 🔥🔥🔥🔥

I'm also afraid I'm just being dramatic. I had an atrocious past experience with physical therapy and i almost broke down at my consultation the other day because I hated PT last time. wouldn't you know it, I hate it this time. I feel like the PT doesn't really hear me even tho hes an EDS specialist. I'm also also afraid that rheumatologist and PT are right and if I just try ill get better at managing everything. I don't like being wrong about things I'm sure of and I especially don't want to hear it from an authority figure.

i literally can't do anything. I don't have the energy to do anything. and when I do things I pay such a heavy price in pain and fatigue. i havent even crocheted in a minute because i cant think hard enough to do it. all I could really do today was feed myself based on piss poor hunger cues and shower.

[luxrayz64]

list of gripes i have with tears of the kingdom and reasons why I think it's not goty material

has no respect for my time. great fairies and hestu are the most blatant example of what I mean. if sonic frontiers could patch out this exact issue (adding an upgrade all at once button) there's no reason why a whole 5 years and a sequel later I still have to watch hestu shake his ass at me 7 times in a row instead of just handing him every korok seed at once. yes there's a skip button. no that's not good enough

filler content. awesome big map you've got there. and it's all just copy pasted shrines and koroks? wow this seems like a good use of my time (<- lie)

racism. I don't have the energy to elaborate im just bitching but like (waves at ganondorf)

imperialism. rauru is a coloniser and I hate that the story expects you to align yourself with him and I hate that none of the other leaders/sages are on the same level as himband I hate that he made ganondorf bow to him too.

misogyny. they damselled zelda again. complete lack of care for her character. she doesn't even get to be interesting in this one because the memories are too focused on (poorly) establishing the ancient conflict and rauru.

lack of consequences. link gets his normal arm back even though we were told at the beginning it was unsalvagable. zelda gets turned human and suffers no loss of memories or self she's just fine. why couldn't we do this earlier if all we needed was for mr and mrs imperialism ghosts to show up.

lack of any linearity. don't raise your eyebrows at me, I found the spirit temple way too early because it wasn't gated off and when I could finally do the kakariko quest that is supposed to lead to it I got pissed the fuck off because I'd already completed the quest and it was useless to me. why is it possible for me to reach that quests conclusion without the start? it's like hanging a fruit over my head and when I finally get to eat it it's just foam. gating off parts of your game until requirements are met isn't the fucking devil, it's basic game design.

storytelling in general. the lack of an active plot makes the story feel lacklustre. this game is better at it than botw was at least but the fact that we get to see so little of the main antagonist (because the past conflict, our main source of information/characterisation is seen through zeldas extremely limited pov) sucks. I like it when ganondorf gets to be a person actually. also watching the same cutscenes at the end of every fucking dungeon come on

dungeon design. we were promised a return to proper dungeons and we got Not That. better than the divine beasts for sure, but still ass. short, easy to navigate/cheat in, and unfulfilling. the thunder temple felt the most like a real dungeon, and it ended way too soon. shrines also suck btw

shrines also suck btw. I hate having these singular puzzles that I have to complete in order to get hearts. they break up the flow of gameplay and feel like a chore. id much rather just find fucking pieces of heart/stamina things. I'd rather just have real dungeons instead of breaking them up like this. why are there MORE than there were in botw

the way the gerudo treat you. misogyny AND racism. it feels uncomfortable the way you're treated by them, even though everyone here knows you're their saviour. gender essentialism is a fucking nightmare and I like to not have to deal with it in my games, thanks.

the game doesn't know what genre it is. it wants to be an open world/sandbox with the emphasis on ultrahand and building contraptions. it also wants to be an adventure rpg with puzzle solving and strong story focus. personally im not a fan of sandboxes - ultrahand did absolutely nothing for me when I wasn't being forced to use it. you can't have your cake and eat it too - the physics engine at play here is jaw dropping, don't get me wrong, but I bought zelda, not fucking gmod

it's too big. there's nothing in it. everything is copy pasted. it was fun to explore the first time around, but now I've seen everything I have no reason to visit it again. the depths and sky islands promised more, but end up just being more of the same.

sages being mapped to A and also forcing you to run up to npcs to use them. don't do that. why did you do that? why did you think this was appropriate. this complete mishandling of the sage abilities pisses me off the more I think about it. it shouldn't have gotten past testing. it's frustrating and I expect better fucking controller management from nintendo. jesus christ. you had 5 years and that was what you came up with?

5 years down the line, they did not fix any of the problems botw had. some things were handled a little better, some things were handled worse. nothing was fixed. if the next game is in the same map again, I'm skipping it I don't fucking care. if it's not, they'd better lose the fat - I don't want to have to wait 7 years for every game.

i can and happily will elaborate more on any of these points. story especially, all my gripes with the story and its presentation can't be boiled down to dot points. im tired and feel like bitching about how much this game frustrated me so it's dot points. I probably forgot something or another that pisses me off about it. I am probably biased, and I am definitely bitter. this game was disappointing, and the disappointment makes me frustrated with it. pikmin 4 sweep

[svampira]

🎯✂️🧠 per eden elias e brooklyn tripla combo

ask game

🎯 -What do they do best?

Elias, in spite of his horrible rancid personality, can be extremely charming when he needs to be, and his presence powers are op enough to be basically mind control at that point. <this does get him in trouble just as much as it gets him out of it. Physically he's very strong, but he only has 3 dots of melee and no combat disciplines, so he's kind of a flop for a vampire. When it comes to human abilities that carried off into his unlife, he's a great musician but that barely comes up and it's not why he was embraced.

Brooke can see the future👍🙏 she has way more control over her visions than the average malkavian, and her auspex in general is op as well because i love to cheat. Physically she's an extremely skilled acrobat, she was a gymnast her whole life and had just started teaching gymnastics before she died. She kills you then cartwheels out of the room🤸‍♀️

Eden's a sneaky guy👍 he can sneak in and out of somewhere without anyone noticing, eavesdrop on anyone and sneak out of most dangerous situations without having to resort to a fight (which he probably wouldn't win). He can hack anything 90s movies style but i literally don't know anything about that so im going to shut up

✂️ - What is one of your OC’s worst memories?

Elias' worst memory is his "first" day on this green beautiful earth👍i have a lot of thoughts on memory loss in general i don't think he just blacked out and instantly knew he had no memories it was more of a gradual panicking. Not recognising who the man in front of him was even though it felt like he should have, to slowly realising he doesnt remember his own name and all of his memories are gone > and not even getting 5 minutes to deal with it before the stranger forces him to drink his blood then subsequently drains him. Just a shitty first night😔 hes not the kind of guy that dwells on things though by the time he woke up his sire had been executed so he just pretends he's fine with the whole thing

[This got way too long so im putting the second part under the cut. Read my oc's villain origin story👇👇]

For Brooke i think it was a specific moment when she was around 16 and realised she had no shot of making it as a professional athlete, both because she was being overlooked by her coaches and because she kind of shot up to 1.75m all of a sudden (now idk a lot about gymnastics. But ive never seen anyone in the olympics that was taller than 1.50m). That's genuinely her villain origin story just a chaotic ball of repressed anger, bitterness and dissatisfaction that she carried over into her adult life and turned her into the gotham villain she's now. Her real name isn't even (obv) brooklyn it's literally her villain name LMFAO i just realised

For Eden i think it was the moment he realised Brooklyn WAS real. She spent the better part of the first year they were turned trying to convince him they had a fight club situation going on. I think he found the idea of brooke being a fragment of his imagination more comforting than anything else, especially since it's not very uncommon for the type of vampire him and brooke are to have delusions/strange manifestations of their powers. He found out he was 90% less insane than he initially thought he was but it still made him trust himself way less + he was "forced" into hating brooklyn now for what she'd done even though she's his only link to his human life and still cared about her. Now im just feeling bad MAN im drawing him a better girlfriend

🧠 - What do you like most about the OC?

Elias is my fave i cant even lie at this point... i love that he's so pretty i love drawing him💖 writing wise I've talked about this before but i love evil characters that still kind of feel innocent in a way. Like he has no lived experiences before turning into a blood sucking monster and even though he can be cruel and horrible to both humans and people he actually cares about, it's almost like he's never really had a chance to be anything else. Your honour he's just like that. I also like that out of all my characters he's the silliest ^^ he doesn't take things too seriously he loves slacking off and doesn't know how to hold a grudge. Also boobs

When it comes to brooke I loooove evil characters all my ocs fucking SUCK and she's the absolute worst. She kicks puppies for fun she steals candy from babies she engages in emotional terrorism she loves scheming and plotting. Yet deep deep down even though she links Eden back to her bitterness and dissatisfaction with her old life she does genuinely love him, and does her best to look out for him even when she's tormenting him. Also i looove drawing her with new hair every time she's so fun + i have lots of horror illustration ideas when it comes to her and eden (brain courtesy of a STELLAR gift art i got during artfight)

For Eden I like that he's the only one who's trying to rise above his nature out of all my ocs (this obviouslydoesn't work out, but there was an attempt). He has the highest humanity out of all of them, he tries to avoid feeding directly from humans most of the time, and he's the only anarch (which means in the la of my oc canon he's basically opposed to every one of my ocs) . I loove that despite everything she puts him through he still loves brooklyn, but i also love love love that later on as the war between the camarilla and the anarchs worsens he starts legit trying to kill her (while she NEVER would. She did straight up torture him a couple times tho so there's no moral high ground). I love horribly dysfunctional relationships I'm weak for fucked up heterosexuals

[tokiro07]

Sigh, why do keep saying I finished with the Negation ideas when I keep coming up with more? Just gonna send them wherever I got them or remenber them since I forgot about these ones:

Unpermanent: Any sort of physical change the user do their surroundings will be reversed to it's previous state the moment they aren't touching it. Things they broken will be repaired, things they moved will come back to their place and even lethal wounds will instantly heal. (This is not based off Kumagawa All Fiction, I thought of it before reading medaka).

Unreliable: Any and all statements say by the user will be accepted by everyone who hear them as false, no matter all the evidence of the contrary.

Unblunt: The user can make anything turn incredibly sharp even if it shouldn't be possible with the materials. (Kinda simple I know, but my creativity has limits).

Unreachable: Anyone who tries to approach the user will experience a spatial distortion that greatly increases the distance between them making it impossible to get closer even if the actual space doesn't seem to be changed. (I fell like I couldn't explain this one very well).

Undistorted: The user is not affected by any and all forms of disguising or hide the truth. They can hear the true under lies, see clearly through disguises and illusions and any ability that change ones perception of the world has no effect.

Unorganic: The user can turn parts of their body artificial like that of a robot or cyborg, once this done that part can't be changed back. With enough engineering knowledge, the artificial parts can be replicated if lost or even augmented.

Untamed: The user can make animals turn into stronger and more aggressive version of themselves, works better on domestic ones. Can work on people if the user think of humans as just more advanced animals.

Unforgivable: Damage caused to the user by someone else will be mirroed on their own bodies. The damage will be amplified based on how much the user likes their attacker.

Uncruelty: When the user sees an injury in another person, it will inmeadiatly heal and they will receive it in their own body. (Probably there is a better name for this one but couldn't think of it).

I don't think you're doing your mental health any favors by berating yourself every time you come up with a new batch. You may want to consider just sending them to me without context, I'll understand just fine I think

Unpermanent: I see the logic behind this one, negating what would be a permanent change to an object, but I'm not sure that's the best term to get across the idea of returning to a previous state. Perhaps Unalter to negate an alteration, like a retroactive Unchange. I also struggle a lot with negation words that normally start with "in" or "im", so I see the desire to use them, it just feels weird to me to actually do so

Unreliable: I've been trying to think of an idea for Unreliable for a while that makes objects, attacks, etc. fail in critical moments, sort of like an Unluck for non-living things (i.e. a gun misfires or jams at point blank range, a sword shatters, a car won't start, etc.) but I couldn't think of a scenario to use it in during my Negator Casting. When used for a person, though, I would think that Unreliable would imply more of a Cassandra Truth situation where the target is temporarily rendered "unreliable" to others, no matter how well-trusted they are or how obvious the truth they're telling is. For your idea, I would say Undoubt works more accurately, negating the feeling of doubt in others who hear the user lie

Unblunt: I like it, I just wish I could think of a better word for it. However, I've resorted to "Unsick" and other definitive not-words myself, so I'm not going to complain. It also brings to mind its counterpart, Unsharpen, which causes anything sharp to become dull

Unreachable: I think you explained it fine, it's a weaponized Zeno's Paradox, like the Green Baby in Jojo or Gojo's Limitless in JJK. Always a fan of that one, amazed I didn't think of it first

Undistorted: love it, it's super practical for pretty much any non-combat interaction. Sounds useless for combat at first, but when everyone else is caught in the dream eater and being shown their own horrid deaths at the hands of their loved ones or whatever personal hell they fear most, they'll WISH they had the ability to be sober no matter how much booze they down

Unorganic: another "in" example, I went with Unnatural for the same basic idea in my Dangan Ronpa post. On that note, I really don't think that was the best choice for Soda's Rule, but it was getting late and I really had nothing, so I went with that because he made the mini Nidai robot and really no other reason. Back on topic, I like it

Untamed: I used a self-targeting version of this for Yamato in one of my One Piece posts, but mostly in an attempt to find another way to turn a Zoan Devil Fruit into a Negator ability. Man, those did NOT make it easy on me: Unhuman, Untamed, Unevolved...I really don't think I could come up with any more that would allow the user to become animalistic

Unforgivable: I see the correlation between damage sharing and unforgiveness, it gives the impression of this being a vengeful ability, but I'm having some trouble seeing how it's negating forgiveness specifically. I guess in the sense that the attacker isn't getting away scot-free, negating the opportunity to be forgiven? It's a bit heady, perhaps Unsafe would get across the idea a bit better? Hurting the holder of Unsafe will always incur damage, so it's better not to attack them at all

Uncruelty: a reverse of your Unforgivable idea, huh? Not only that, but it's a healing technique with an explicit drawback, so it's a lot more interesting than just letting other characters get away with grievous wounds. I do think that kind of makes it not a true "Negation" though as the wounds aren't being erased, they're being transferred elsewhere, which isn't usually how Negator abilities work. Still, it's fun, I'd have fun seeing how such a Negator would work around and evolve this ability. I would shorten it to Uncruel personally, but it doesn't feel like it matters too much. Alternative, Unwound (as in removing wounds not like unwinding a cord), or reversing Unharm to be a healing technique instead of a defensive technique

[iraliira]

Life update

22/08/23

This past week has been better because my life is starting to fall back into place. Although its going slowly, its comforting to know that im doing better both mentally and physically.

This week i managed to prove to myself that im capable of fufilling my own promises to myself and im becoming better at self discipline. And the more i do it, the more i feel confident about myself. Real confidence. Because before i had fake confidence and by fake i mean i made myself believe i was confident but in reality i was lying to myself so that i dont have to face my own miserable reality.

Here are the things that im doing:

1. I began to workout, its been difficult at first and im not doing it concistently but its a start and i am trying my best. So far i managed to complete a whole workout which was a great accomplishment and i was proud of myself.

2. I decided to practice fasting. Im following a pattern where i eat for 12 hours and fast for 36 hours. I am following this pattern in order to get my measurements down to about 34-23/22-35. And so far i managed to complete a 36 hour fast and whilst i was fasting i realised that i dont get hungry easily and its just that i eat out of boredom.

Fasting has a lot of benefits and this is a short-term diet since i am not fat and just out of shape and during my 12 hour eating pattern i can eat anything i want. I DON’T HAVE AN EATING DISORDER and im also fasting for the other benefits such as: autophagy, cognitive performance and other amazing benefits. And i have fasted before so i know what im doing. If you want to learn more watch this video.

3. I decided to read a book a week. For a number of reasons: i want to spend less time on social media, i want to increase my knowledge, i want to widen my vocabulary, i want to speak properly because even though english is my first language, i cant speak because i keep tripping over my words and mid sentance my brain goes blank.

Other things that ive been doing:

im watching my comfort show One Tree Hill and im soo close to finishing the show which is making me sad because i dont want to finish it. The show is my absolute favourite thing in the entire world. The characters in the show are relatable in a lot of ways and this show taught me that being a teenager can be confusing but its also fun because im learning and going through a lot of change

Also the cast are soo fine

I mean…

Lucas scott (chad micheal murray) is soo fine

Anyways, back in June, i did my GCSES which if you don’t know is some standerdised exam every 15-16 year old does in the uk, and i get my results this week Thursday. And im not nervous about the actual exam results, im more worried about meeting everyone at school again and seeing my “friends” again. Which im planning on cutting them off and im really really scared about it because i hate confrontation. But im going to do it for myself and i dont want to live a lie anymore. Its exhausting. So im going to say to them that i dont want to be friends with them anymore.

I personaly am sick and tired of letting other people around me dictating my life and controlling the type of person i should be because thats my job. All my life ive been trying to please everyone and not myself. I also am a shy person (according to literally everyone around me) but i believe that im not and im sick of being “quiet” and “introverted” like i cant even set boundries or stand up for myself. WHICH IS SOOO PATHETIC. So that has to change because this type of behavior prevents me from achieving many things in my life.

And im not a little girl anymore and my parents arent always going to be with me so i need to grow up and act grown. I really hope i change and i believe that i can because this summer i went abroad for vacation and i spoke a lot of people so i can.

I really need to believe that im not who i used to be and if i want to have my desired futrure, i need to act like my desired self.

Well thats all i’ve been doing so far and im starting to like this new version of me.

Thank you, ira

[eroticcannibal]

Are we sharing school stories? If we’re not feel free to delete but here’s mine:

Starting from reception to around age 7 teachers were violent. They’d pick me up and take me to “(my name’s) naughty room” as they called it. (they had patronising names for everything). The room was just an office with one chair that the teacher would sit in and hold me down in their lap. One time a teacher tied me to the chair with his belt and scarf while he left the room. This happened at least 20 times and for at least an hour each time. I ran out of the school a few times, and that was just used as an excuse to use more violent ‘restraint’ methods

Around y1/2 the school got a psychiatrist in to follow me around without my knowledge or consent. The aim was pretty much to scapegoat me and blame me for the issues I was having in school. When the psychiatrist said I was fine the school told blamed me for ‘acting nice’ when I didn’t even know I was being evaluated. Later on I found out that the school got people in to diagnose multiple kids with autism/adhd just to get more SEND funding from the government (which they weren’t spending properly)

Secondary school was a lot better but there were still problems.

I had a form tutor who loved using humiliation as discipline. He’d call me to the front of the class and tell everyone in his sarcastic voice that ‘I’ve got mental issues’ and to ‘not let me drag you down’. I told him that insulting me in front of the class is not teaching, and he just said I was insulting him. He then marched me down to my head of year and denied saying what he said at all. This happened multiple times. When that didn’t work he decided to wait until lunchtime when I’m with my friends to tell me how useless I am, and then walk away laughing. He probably thought he was funny

Same guy would boast about running marathons while he was clinically obese and clearly couldn’t run for a bus. He’d lie about lots of things and definitely have favourites. He thought his favourites liked him. He had a huge ego and probably thought everyone liked him. Most likely got bullied at school himself, has no control at home, and so tries to control little kids

In the same year I had a music teacher physically chase me down the stairs, and a language teacher say ‘what is a teacher ever supposed to do with a kid like you?’, simply for failing a test. She told me to come to her office at lunch and resit it, even though she knew I’d fail. When I asked her for some catch-up work and some time to do it, she told me ‘don’t bother it’s not like you’re ever going to pass anyway.’ She then acted surprised that I didn’t come

Anyway sorry for such a long life story just kinda got rambling. Hope this isn’t triggering or too personal

Oh this shit is horrific what the ACTUAL fuck. All of this is just so bad im lost for words.

But especially those restraints.. like I dont wanna like. Upset u by saying this. But u are so lucky u weren't one of those kids who died by restraints. Fucking tying u to a chair and leaving the room.... this shit is exactly why there is such a focus on "appropriate" (non lethal) restraint and proper training in schools rn. Because kids fucking died. Because of shit EXACTLY like this.

[dog-v3ntz]

tw: vent

i love thinking about how my mom knows i still s/h and i’ve developed an ed. but she doesn’t say anything. she doesn’t do anything. she left literal journals recording my weight and calorie intake, and rules and a bunch if other shit written down that obviously points to me being unhealthy. she took my lighter (i just used that for when i craft things and need to melt the edges), she took my blades, my laxatives, bandaids- she found cloth with my own dried blood on it.

she’s found uneaten, hidden, food in my room and i know she’s nit stupid enough to believe that i was just “saving it for later but accidentally forgot about it.”

and i know she knows. she acted different the day she found out. of course, i didn’t realize it until after i went in my room and found my shit missing. but when she acted off when she said hi to me, i immediately took notice and acted happy and fine, stretching a smile just a little bit more and pretending to have more energy than i actually did.

i don’t know if she just forgot- you know what. fuck it. i’m not gonna pretend. i know she forgot.

of course she would. because she doesn’t care enough to remember that her child physically harms himself. she just doesn’t give a shit.

does she think im faking it? she thought i cvt because of my friends when she first found out- and that’s a lie. i had attempted to cvt long before i knew any of them. i was just scared of the pain so i was only left with a few minor cat scratches. until years later when i actually draw blood.

god- why the fuck does everyone forget about me. i mean shit, my dad cant even be bothered to talk to me. but ofc he can talk to my brother who he doesn’t like because he’s openly trans.

i just thought that because i was still closeted to him that he would care about me more than him. i was always jealous and insecure about my relationship with my dad. him and my brother always had more similar interests. i didn’t and felt upset about it. i remember crying in mine and my brother ms shared room about it.

none of this fucking matters anyways.

no.

that’s a lie.

it does matter.

it hurts.

it hurts me so much.

why can’t they take me seriously?

why can’t i be enough for them?

why can’t they just make me feel wanted?

why can’t the make me feel loved?

why can’t they be there for me?

why wont they help me?

im hurting.

am i not hurting enough?

am i not sick enough?

do i not deserve it?

i’ll get sicker if it’s what it takes for them to see me.

to remember me.

to care about me.

they will see me.

they will remember me.

they will care about me.

i’ll make sure they do.

i’ll do better.

[bambaooo]

30.

I know for a fact no one is on here anymore, but doing this has been on the back of my mind for about a week or so.

But I just turned 30. My last almost 15 years of life have been recorded to some extent on here. From my 20s to now my 30s life has been fucking nuts. From going to feeling invincible, to feeling that like everyday is a new challenge of what im going to go through. I remember in like elementary school and middle school, i was like embarrassed of being on the younger end for my class. I would always lie and say that i was born in 93 instead of 94. Such a weird thing. and before i turned 21, i wasnt pressed on going downtown to the bars and clubs cause i know when my time came it would be fine. But gdamn, my 20s are gone. I cant help to reflect on the life ive lived. From college, to my first real job, first time living on my own money, relationships, covid, grad school, and to the last major things of buying a house and getting engaged. like what tf am I doing, in the back of my head im still that one kid that eats a shit ton, works out alot, and smokes hookah. But in reality im not that person anymore lol. i used to be very resistant on change but, i know its inevitable but it does still bums me out a bit. I think it bummed me out before because up until recently, ive been very deprived from my friends. I felt bad reaching out, and I felt like i was being a burden hitting them up. But like now, id rather reach out and see them rather than feel like im missing out. But ive seen more friends in the past few months than I feel like i have in the past few months combined. I know social connection is a big part of being healthy, but i didnt realize it was like that for me. But it makes sense, for almost almos the whole time i was in richmond, i was constantly around friends. but as a real adult that shit is kinda hard, gotta cross reference everyones schedules and shit. but like honestly its better than nothing, and i dont think i could do that shit for a extended amount of time lol. and life is just so fucking different know, fucking mortage and house stuff. and still trying to exercise regularly and be an adult.

i almost never want to plan anything for my birthday cause i dont like that feeling of being a burden or w/e. But it just happned to be that arvin moved back home and we got lunch the day before with matt. and that night we hung out at a hookah bar. Ive been so scared with the random health shit ive been dealing with but hookah actually calmed me down a lot for some reason. and Im trying really hard not to get back into the habit of smoking on a regular basis. after smoking for 10 years man, that shit would fuck me up. not the smoking, but feeling reliant on something. Shit addiction is fucking real. Im blessed to be able to pull myself away from shit like that, but i know in the back of my head i know that shit would feel so nice lol. Even when i was vaping, that shit didnt hit as good as a hookah lol.

but yeah life is different. getting settled in the house, gonna plan for a wedding of some sort in the near future, trying to get the house figured out. life is just fucking wild to me right now.

the 20s i definately learned a shit ton. I feel fucking old talking like that, but like its fucking true. the kids in their 20s now have like no idea how to live like we did. i hope i can get to a point where i can be good mentally and physically to live life a little bit of what i used to. I always hear that the 30s is like your 20s with more money, which makes me hella excited. but yeah, im 30 now, idk the next time ill be on here. ill probably come on here once in a while until it dies off forever. I lowkey want to go back into my shit and read some stuff, but i honestly cant bring myself to dig through that shit lol.

until the next.

[ohgodohnomakeitstop]

really exited to meet all the cool people ill be working with in august. im so exited im constantly scripting how to socialise in my head. i already know i will be sooo cagey about my personal life tho. im actually very open if asked i just dont bring it up bc most of my personal life is spend on coping with suffering lol. its so sad it just makes everyone look concerned. to me its fine its just my life. im doing terrible but im often in a good mood because its relative to me. but other people dont have that perspective and i dont want them to feel bad for me i want them to see me as the silly little guy that i also am. and i cant lie at all about this i hate it. like i could but i know i wont bc ultimately i dont want to. but i dont really want to talk about it eithwr so i just retain this unintentional mysterious air. and after a while, if i feel comfortable with people i just feel like i will burst bc they dont know such core things about me but i still dont know how to bring it up or if thats even a good idea. better keep it as it is, theyre people i work with after all. work for really. except the most important one kind of already knows a bunch of stuff about me bc we got drunk together a bunch lol and then i will just say shit. like i still try to maintain a boundrary with myself to not tell him real mental health stuff but ive talked about my gender a bunch and my problems with my parents regarding my trans stuff. and some problems with my roommate as well .... and the physical illness stuff ofc but im rather open about that. have to be if im gonna work for him. its hard cause i kinda love him so much and want to tell him everything so bad but its undeniable how big a factor he will be in my future career and i cant ignore that. bit of a pickle of a situation innit. i will kind of handle it tho i believe. still looking really forward to it. it will be full of challenges but goddamnit i want to do it !!!!!

[defsoullr]

tips on children, from an oldest sister of 3

i don't know what age group im talking about in particular tbh. maybe 8, maybe younger. just. children's stuff.

if you need dead silence (either you took the kid to a quiet place like a library or someone is sleeping in the house and you don't want them to wake up), don't look at the kid and whisper to them "we need to be quiet." because that usually makes them LOUDLY 'whisper' to you when they want to speak. instead, do the universal quiet sign of a finger over your lips and point to your reasoning for being quiet (aka the sleeping parent). i'm not saying this works 100% but it helps

elaborate on everything. speak to them way longer than you should, this will both make them understand the world better and also! it makes them speak better because they are developing their speech patterns by listening to you. it's good to teach them many words, and different ways of constructing sentences! speak to them especially longer if they need to make a decision and the result of this decision matters a lot (hence you will need to redirect them if they make the wrong decision- and they will trust you with their decisions a lot more if you consistently do this! make sure to give them a lot of information that they need, and give them breadcrumbs so they can exercise critical thinking and make those decisions themselves.)

give specific compliments. if they bring something to you and ask you if you like it, don't just say yes or no. whatever your answer is, point something out to them and elaborate. another thing: you don't even need to compliment them all the time- children like constructive criticism more than people think. as long as you're polite and excited, they will enjoy your opinion. "i like how you cut this, it especially looks good here; but it would look even better if you cut it more precisely up here!" (gives them a new big word to learn and also, they will probably follow your advice too and come to you a few minutes later with a much better-looking handcraft!

loud children will actually get quieter if you talk to them quietly, a bit quieter than your natural voice. they will mimic you- for a few minutes, at least, until they get bored.

if you buy something for yourself and they show a special interest in it, pointing it out and complimenting it; that is now your next best idea if you want to give them a present. they will lose their minds if you buy them one, too. (even if they didn't specifically ask for one)

elaborating on gifts, children LOVE useless shiny things. don't think too much when you're buying them gifts, just buy whatever they ask of you, or whatever is the most eye-catching in a shop. a good pen so they can use it while doing homework? fine. a very cheap and useless pen that has a PANDA on it? oh they will love that shit.

if they are upset and crying (but obviously not injured), let them cry for a while before you prod further. there is no need to rush things unless the kid is in danger. approach them patiently and you will see that once the crying reduces a bit, and they can speak, they will be very intent on spilling their troubles at you. if you can't solve their problem, take your time to pick your reasonings and explain them to the child. if you prove to this child that you are truly powerless here, sell it convincingly, they will understand and stop crying. but- you need to be honest. kids are naive because of their age but they can spot lies, especially if the same lie is used over and over again. the more genuine you are with them, the more they will trust you when you say something. you earn your authority by earning their trust first.

kids have varying opinions on physical touch. my personal experience is with my younger sisters and they really like it, so that's what i will speak about: if a child likes physical touch and wants hugs all the time, do not turn them down. it is serious to them, if you turn them down they will feel upset about it. unreasonably upset. it's okay to refuse a couple of times to teach them that they need permission and consent before hugging someone; but other than that, please cut children some slack and sacrifice your own comfort if necessary. you are the adult here, you can be uncomfortable for 15 seconds to keep your child happy. you will not die. and- children who don't like physical touch at all- i'm sure they exist but i personally don't know any. most children are chill with headpats or just poking their face with your finger.

children will mimic you to hell and back so WATCH WHAT YOU DO AROUND THEM. they will literally become you. if your spare time is full of reading, don't be surprised when your child starts reading in their room too. if you scroll all day, don't ask why you have an ipad kid. if your child is easily angered, try to remember how you reacted to a broken glass yourself last week. don't you ever remove yourself from the equation- when you're talking to your kid, you are ALWAYS talking to yourself.

don't yell at your kid. if you're refusing to give your kid what they want so fiercely; then you know why you can't accept their request. you have a solid reason. just explain them your reason instead of yelling. it's hard but if you're not willing to do hard things then maybe don't have kids?

talk to them. they have a lot to tell you.

never ask your kid what the other kids in their class are doing. adopt a complete idgaf attitude for other kids- we literally do not care. just knowing your own kid's performance is enough. (this point is important because it pisses me off personally. i know parents who literally ask their children 'how did the other kids do' BEFORE congratulating the child FOR A PERFECT SCORE. seriously, why do people care so much about strangers? or, being better or worse off than strangers?) (most of these kids themselves don't care anyway)

let your kid break things and make messes. it's a part of human development. if you don't want to clean after them, DO NOT HAVE KIDS LMAO maybe send them somewhere they CAN make a mess. like? a course or something? their grandparents who live in a house with a garden? anyway, just do not forcefully raise clean kids, they grow up with crippling confidence issues. they need to know that even if they mess up, they can recover and fix their mistakes. they need to know this by breaking a few glasses, abusing some sharpies or scraping their knees. THIS IS INESCAPABLE. if you don't let them learn now, life will eventually catch up to them and they will be forced to learn later- when the costs inevitably grow. they may fail an important exam, they may crash a car, they may find themselves in a horrible relationship. what will they do then, not knowing how to navigate a mess? anyway, a kid who has already shattered a glass will be VERY careful next time they pick up one, don't forget that.

if they have a hobby, for god's sake let them pursue it no matter now ridiculous it is. be creative and solve their problems, you are the parent. if they want a guitar and you can't afford one, at least ask the child's school to see if they have one that the child can practice on. PLEASE go above and beyond for your kid. you are the only person who can. that is your child- no one will give them more effort than you do. you better do a good job, right?

children don't forget what is said to them. be gentle. i have forgiven my own parents many times, but i remember everything they said to me in our worst fights. it doesn't hurt less just because we made up.

i overall think you should not have kids because they are so so so fragile. so much consideration needed. so much energy and just raw compassion- it's not something everyone can do. i personally don't think i can. parents create the base- the groundwork- for their child's personality and i think that's a responsibility that is just too big to bear. when you think too deep into it, "am i raising this child correctly?" can quickly turn into "wait, was i raised correctly?" and boom. existential crisis.

[raccoon0001]

November 20th, Monday 20:38

So, first of all, hello, Im Raccoon, well at least i would like to be one. Im 17 years old and i frequently write down my thoughts when i feel sad or angry in a pink notebook by my bed, for the past four maybe three years.

And lately i have been thinking of just trying to write down my thoughts everyday, about how i feel, to know what i am even feeling, and that I'm not just overwhelmed and impulsive at the moment. So i don't ruin my next week or day by obsessing over that one boy that smiled that one time at me or was funny. Because in reality he doesn't like me and i need to step down and realise that, but maybe he does and everything is not a big fat lie, but it is. At least for me, mostly. Everything, almost, everything is fine in my life, except for being kinda fat and not having a real, single boyfriend in my 17 years of living. I know that is not that much and what i am even worrying about, because i have the whole life ahead of me(i dont see myself living past 20). Well could kind of imagine it, but because of one thing and another i always thought i would not live past 18, but now i am 17 so its quite possible i will live past 18, dont really know what will happen afterwards.

Its kind of a dilemma i know to love someone u need to first love yourself and shit, but i really hate myself most of the time, i hate how i look, i hate how lazy i am, i hate stressful i am, i hate how sick i am...yada yada yada. I know there are physical things i am able to fix, but how do i know i just wont regress? Even now im imagining how this blog or whatever this is, is gonna get popular, and be turned into inspiration for poems or people, but after all this text is just my personal feelings, about myself, for myself, that dont really make sense sometimes, because my native language is not english lol and im typing in a hurry and then gonna prob put a pretty background or something and post it if i get the courage, well its a very big probability nobody is going to read this ever, bcs lets honest who reads blogs these days..

always the artist never the muse" i have been very attached to this quote(dont know who is the author) i even begun last year attending professional art school, so i will probably never be the muse even how much i want to be one. Its almost the same with taking pictures, im always taking pictures of others and there are almost never anyone taking picture of me without asking. Well i dont really like people specially taking pictures of me, because of how ugly i look, but still, i dont know. Theres this one friend who takes pictures of me, because that of other things that that person does makes me think im gay or that she likes me, because shes gay. I think im not gay. Like i would prefer a guy fucking my brains out not a girl, but i could never imagine anyone fucking me, mby i can.. hmm not rly, maybe because i have never been fucked, or my imagination is kinda weak. Well i am in art school so i thought it should be good, but lately, well after that thing in 2018 april, I think i have been in this one giant art block. Maybe i need to go to a therapist, to sort things out, not really sure.

I wish sometimes i was a boy. And i think i stink right now, fully emotionally and physically. Whats up with that.

I must have too many dreams and too little motivation.

I dont think i should have continued art, its too much, im not even good at painting, if i actually started practicing more maybe i would, but i think im still worse than most of my peers. And in this school there are mostly girls here and i know almost nobody outside the school and town bcs i didnt even live here two years ago, the ppl who have lived here their whole childhood dont even know where to turn to get a shortcut!

My goal this evening was to paint something, but somehow i started writing a blog..

I think i should have been better of dying that day in 2018. Im not good of a person and i dont really know if ill ever change. What does actually happen after death? Has anyone thought of that? I kind of think after you die its just all pitch black and then u suddenly open your eyes and there you are as your first memory u can think of at 10 years old or whatever, like 'snap' and there you are, but dont know who you were or who you will be. I kind of want to get into biology, but idk if a have the commitment for it.

Two days ago when i was a home visiting my family, after sauna, I was sitting by the table with some other cousins at my grandmas house and one of the older cousins, who was kinda drunk btw, asked me if i had a boyfriend, i thinking already of crying and just jumping down a building calmly said: "no, do i need one?". i want one.

I think my mom is homophobic, but. i also think that im not gay, but i will probably never get a bf, because ppl these days are very obsessed by how other ppl look from the outside mostly or i just dont know a lot of ppl and real life is not like the movies or manga that i read in my free time, that i should stop reading, maybe that would solve everything.

Also by wishing that i was a male, because it really seems to be bit easier to be a boy, how the world looks at you, and how theres a lot more chance of no rejection. Maybe im just living in my small minded world and have not that many ppl with different opinions on life that would make me understand that the world works differently. A lot of ppl around me also believe we are born to fulfil our one mission here on earth, i still dont see mine here, like ppl would be fine if i went and died and go on with they're life normally, because im just this one little spec of dust besides other 7 billion dust pieces, that separately are a nobody. Maybe my family would be devastated, but prob would be prepared for this kind of event about me and i think it would be much easier for my mum if i died, she worries too much about me.



Im just lonely.

A selfish bitch.

[sluttywoozi]

Code Of (Mis)Conduct | kmg x f!reader feat. Choi San of Ateez

Playlist: Yes Man - P1Harmony | Addicted - Monsta X | Need to Know - ELHAE & IM | I Don't Understand But I Luv U - Seventeen PU | Leave The Door Open - Ateez Cover

Summary: You're just trying to keep your head down and your coworkers out of your business but that's not exactly easy when your cubicle sits between Choi San's and Kim Mingyu's.

Rating: M (18+) | WC: ~10k

Warnings: not a threesome, food and alcohol, sorry i made san kind of a dick i know he's a kind sweet boy, grinding, size kink, spanking, oral m rec., spit kink, hair pulling, marking, fingering, unprotected sex

Reader Notes: written as a commission so some details are not as inclusive as i normally try to be, tsundere, use of girlfriend but no she/her, has vagina and breasts, physically smaller than gyu, marks show on skin

A head pops over your cuticle, floppy black hair appearing before sweet eyes and a nose with the cutest freckle. Mingyu has been in the square next to yours for the better part of the year, a transfer from the Camden branch and a cutie to boot, though he is endearingly clumsy. He’s fallen off his chair trying to grab a lost pen four times just this month, and anytime you hear a crash to the right of you, you know exactly who the culprit is. He also likes to ‘bother’ you occasionally, though occasionally is starting to become something like every single day. 

He doesn’t actually bother you, but he does distract you. Case in point, the conversation he’s trying to draw you into, one you actually have the time to afford for once. He’s curious about what you do in your free time and you could just tell him, but you’ve made it thus far without anyone in this office knowing personal details about you besides the visible ones. You’re not sure you’re willing to give up that anonymity, especially because Mingyu so quickly became the golden boy of the bullpen. If you start giving in to him, other people in the office will think they can talk to you, and it’s already hard enough having Mingyu and the only other person you tolerate know things about you. 

The other person you tolerate is Choi San, and tolerate is quite the generous word. Unlike Mingyu who thinks he’s bothering you but isn’t, San thinks he’s not annoying you at all but is actually unbearable. You deal with him because he always knows where to find the good creamer and because he’s ridiculously attractive and you could use some eye candy on your left side too. 

Yes, San’s cubicle sits to the left of yours. You’re in a San-Mingyu sandwich, and not the kind you’d like. No, this kind includes conversations and teasing and insults that they both think are jokes, which would be fine, even pleasant, anywhere else. Unfortunately for all three of you, you’re at work, and work you has patience for exactly 1.5 people. 

You give Mingyu the patience a whole person deserves because he’s cute and sweet and brings you home-baked goods. You give San the patience of half a person because he’s a menace who deserves nothing more and nothing less. 

Maybe I’m being too hard on him…

You jump as San rises to rest his folded arms on your shared cubicle wall, his stupid hot face twisted in a smirk and his gaze half-lidded in what you can only assume are his bedroom eyes. You won’t lie, he definitely makes you… feel things, but you don’t have the emotional bandwidth or will to engage with him like he wants. You’re pretty sure that’s only making him try harder though, so you go for a change of pace and give in, turning to San with an expectant look and waiting for him to speak. 

You catch Mingyu’s face falling in the corner of your eye and wince as he sinks back down to hide behind his wall. Fuck, you didn’t mean to hurt his feelings. You’ll have to ask him what he’s doing this weekend to make up for it, and if that’s not enough, you’ll tell him what your plans are too. 

Watching San’s smirk widen when he sees Mingyu shrink, you frown and furrow your brows in distaste before swivelling back to face your computer screen. You mindlessly click and type away at your little excel spreadsheet, ignoring San’s attempts to get you to respond to him. 

You’re officially out of patience for him for the day, and it’s only 11:37 AM. 

You’re going to have to corner Mingyu at the water dispenser. He hasn’t poked his head over in hours and it’s nearly time to pack it in, making you fear you’ve actually pushed him away for good this time. It seems like something so small, ignoring him to answer San, but you suppose with how San is always goading him over their sales records, Mingyu is a little sensitive when it comes to him. You’re not the type of person to apologise and you’re absolutely not the type of person to embarrass yourself by peeking over his wall, but you will try to make it up to him. 

He’s bent over comically far to fill his water cup, a beastly thing with times and encouragements printed on the side, and you know you shouldn’t spook him but you just can’t resist. 

“Mingyu.”

He jumps, water shooting out over the mouth of his open jug as he turns with confusing speed to face you. 

“Y/n! W-What’s up?” You can tell he’s trying to act cool, but his stutter and reddening cheeks give him away and you just know you’ve caught him off guard enough by approaching him that you might not even have to ask him about his weekend at all. You do anyway, for some reason.

“Oh! My weekend… Um, just working out and taking Millie to the big park across town. She likes that one a lot better and her girlfriend should be there, so,” He cuts himself off, biting his lips between his teeth and clenching his eyes shut as if he’s embarrassed. 

“That sounds nice. I hope Millie’s girlfriend is there. And that they have a nice time. And you too, I guess,” you sound stilted as hell but you’re positive this is the longest combination of words you’ve ever said to him, so he should be happy with what he’s getting. 

And of course, he is. Blisteringly happy, in fact, his beam taking up the whole of his face and his entire body curling closer to you. Wow. Mingyu is kind of like, obsessed with you. Shockingly enough, you don’t mind. It means you don’t have to look up as much to slightly avoid his eye contact, and there’s the baked goods too. He always claims he just needs a tester, but you know he has a truly wild amount of friends that could try his creations, so why is he giving them to you? In good tupperware? The glass kind.

You were in your own head while Mingyu was realising he hadn’t responded to you, and you both look to each other at the same time in alarm. You can’t slightly avoid his eye contact now, not when his face looks like it does and he’s ten centimetres shorter than normal. You’re reminded why you don’t gaze straight into his eyes, and it’s because this always happens. Your dumb, traitorous body reacts to having his full focus on you. It would be one thing if it was just sexual, but it’s your heart too. The mutinous muscle flutters, just like the mosquitos in your stomach do, and, like always, you refuse to think a single thought about what it all means. 

“Well. Bye,” you turn on your heel and speed back to your cubicle, pointedly ignoring the doe eyes boring into your back and further ignoring San’s petulant stare. He undoubtedly watched the whole exchange, must have seen Mingyu melt into you and the way you didn’t flinch away, but you don’t care. He’s been ragging on Mingyu too much lately, and someone needs to put him in his place. If that person needs to be you, so be it. It might even mean you get to talk to him less. 

Thank fucking God. 

So far, it doesn’t look like you’ll be talking to San any less. Then again, neither will you be talking to Mingyu any less, considering that all three of you have just been put together for a group project. You thought you’d left those behind in uni but here you are, stuck in between two men who won’t stop glaring at each other long enough to actually listen to what the assignment is. You shake your head, knowing that this will likely go exactly like group projects of years passed and you’ll be carrying the team. However, that can only happen if you let it, and you’ve grown a backbone since then. It’s rather spiky too, you’ve found, so if either of them have a problem with putting aside their issues and working together, you’re confident in your ability to… persuade them. 

For now, you’ll let them continue to completely ignore your boss. It makes you look better and you get to be the one in charge of allocating work because you’re the only one who understands what exactly the work is, so it’s a win-win. You stand, thanking your director with a handshake and a smile that turns smug as soon as she leaves before you round on the two men beside you. 

“So. Would either of you like to tell me what this project is about?” You ask, watching as the competitiveness drains from their faces and dread replaces it. They shake their heads, nearly bowing them in shame while they wait for you to grant them the knowledge. You could make them suffer for it but you’ll ensure having you as their lead will be enough pain for a lifetime, if they don’t cooperate.

“We’re tracking how the beta for the new product is selling - there’s two versions with pretty significant differences. Mingyu, you’re selling one, San, you’re selling the other. I’m doing the analysis and we’re all working to put together a portfolio and presentation that the board won’t fire us over. Don’t forget about the ‘we’re all working together’ part.”

“You didn’t say, ‘we’re all working together,’ you said, ‘we’re all working to put together,” San provides rather unhelpfully, making you roll your eyes hard enough it almost hurts before you decide you’ve spent long enough away from your cubicle. You walk away from them both, Mingyu scampering after to tell you about Millie’s date with her girlfriend, Asher, and San watching with narrowed eyes as you tilt your head just enough to show you’re listening. 

“Okay, Mingyu, how many models of Beta One have you sold?” You jot down the number as he calls it out from his cube. 

“And San? Beta Two?” You ask absentmindedly, pen spinning in your hand. 

“Why do you always ask him first?” San groans, his deep voice managing to still sound annoyingly manly even as he nearly whines. 

“Because he’s ready first. Were you ready when I asked? And his name is first alphabetically, too.” 

“I thought it was because you like me more,” Mingyu pouts from behind the wall (you can’t see it but you can hear it). 

“I do like you more but that’s not why,” you answer, uncaring of San’s gasp and Mingyu’s shock of a giggle. 

This project is going to be the death of you. 

Mingyu is wearing glasses today. He’s wearing glasses, and his hair is all long and messy, and he has circles under his eyes so he must not have slept well, but his voice is gravelly and rough and you can’t feel bad for revelling in it. Fine, you feel a little bad, especially when you catch him dozing at his desk. So it makes sense for you to make an extra cup of coffee, you were already at the machine and it was just a minute longer. And you have this extra coffee, and you have a neighbour who likes black coffee and seems to be quite exhausted, so why wouldn’t you drop it off on his desk? And while you’re at it, why not gently shake him awake and also try not to let your fingernails dig into his massive deltoid? Why not? 

He’s so very grateful, his large hands dwarfing the mug and his cute lips pursed around the edge as he takes a sip, and he explains softly that Millie ate one of his scrunchies and had to have emergency surgery. You’re not sure why he came in at all, but he answers that question before you voice it, saying he doesn’t have any vacation days left so he called his mom to come and take care of her. She won’t be able to make it until later in the afternoon, if at all, and you can tell he’s worried. 

It feels beyond foreign to offer, almost wrong, but the words slip out before you can stop them. 

“I have a few days saved up. If you want, I could take a half and go… hang out with her.”

Tears flood his eyes immediately and his head drops back to rest against his chair. He hiccups in a breath, his tits heaving with the motion as he does nothing to hide his crying. You see San breeze by in your peripherals, and, sensing he’s about to stop, give a sharp shake of your head and throw a quick glare in his direction. Seeming to understand the threat to his life and limb, he carries on to the lobby to flirt with the receptionist for his break. Your focus returns to Mingyu when he hiccups again, the waterworks slowly drying up. 

“You’d do that for me?” He asks brokenly, like you’ve offered him your kidney instead of your afternoon, and you can only respond, “I’d do it for Millie,” before handing him some tissues and going to talk to your supervisor. 

Thankfully, she’s an animal lover herself and felt terrible having to deny Mingyu, so it was easy to get the afternoon off. She also mentions her satisfaction with your project progress, though you decide not to tell San and Mingyu lest they get overly comfortable. 

You return to your cubicle to find Mingyu on a sales call and the coffee half gone, and, smiling slightly to yourself, go back to translating their numbers into words. 

Work flies by as you find yourself oddly excited to leave for the day. It’s not just because you get to skip out on the rest of your work (until tomorrow), you’re also looking forward to seeing Mingyu’s apartment and meeting Millie. You’ve stubbornly not let him show you any pictures of her, though you’ve seen the ones on his desk from afar, and you’re a little nervous she won’t like you. You don’t have a lot of experience with animals, which is why it was so ridiculous of you to offer this, but what’s done is done. 

Mingyu looks like a different person when you tidy up your cubicle for the day and pop over to his. The glasses are gone (sadly), his hair isn’t as messy, and his eyes are clearer - all changes pointing to a decrease in stress. So why is his lip bitten so pink? And why is he rearranging his pens? 

“My apartment is kind of messy,” he starts, explaining himself before you ask, nibbling at that bottom lip like you suspected he had been. 

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it,” you furrow your brows and shake your head, sure it can’t be bad enough for you to have anything to fear. 

“I bet yours is clean,” Mingyu protests, though you’re not sure why. 

“Yeah, it is clean. I like to keep it that way, it makes me feel less stressed,” you shrug, not realising you’ve given up another piece of information until you catch the grin spreading across his face. You hate that he notices when you share things about yourself. You almost wish you could fly a little further under his radar, but you know deep down that if you lost his attention, you’d feel it, like the loss of a friend. Is Mingyu your friend?

Yes, you suppose he is. You wouldn’t do this for someone who wasn’t your friend, you’re sure about that, at least. His smile just deepens, his fingers twitching by his sides like he wants to reach out for you. It’s then that you realise you need something from him. 

“Your key, I need your key,” you say quietly, as if you don’t want to disturb the stillness surrounding this moment. You hadn’t realised it was a moment but it feels like one, even under these fluorescent lights with San just a cubicle away and likely trying to eavesdrop on your whole conversation. You don’t mind him knowing about this; it might make him chase you a little more, but you’ve gotten better at evading him and, if necessary, glaring him into submission. He still tries to flirt, and you still like it a little, but it’s not the same. Nothing has been the same since this project started two months ago and you had to confront the fact that you really do like Mingyu more than you like San. It’s harder to face both men, San because you honestly feel a little bad, Mingyu because you still don’t want to figure out these feelings and what exactly they mean. 

Mingyu holds the key out but you’re too lost in thought to notice. You don’t notice anything until he takes your hand in his and gently folds it around the metal, the touch of his warm, thick fingers sending shockwaves through your system. He’s never really touched you before, just grazed you while handing off confections, and you’re stunned to learn what he does to you. Normally, you don’t like being touched but you dread him letting you go, your entire form tipping closer and closer to him until he slowly drops your hand back to your side and releases you. You stagger back, bumping into the edge of his desk before he grabs your elbow to pull you forward again. You can tell he’s biting back a smile at your unusual moment of clumsiness, and you’re grateful to him for deciding not to mention it. Maybe because you still have his key in your hand and it could act as a weapon. Probably because he knows you so frustratingly well that he’s aware saying anything will make you freeze back up. 

You don’t linger in the office, swiftly making your way downstairs and to the Red line. You actually live pretty close to him, you discover, the commute being on half the same lines you usually take home. That’s convenient, a little voice whispers in your head, making you clutch the key tighter and resist the urge to put it on your key ring for safe keeping. You don’t need to think about things like that right now, you need to think about how to approach Millie. Should you let her come to you? Should you let her, like, sniff you first? Should you look away to show respect and submission? Fuck, you don’t have service on the subway and you’re not even sure what kind of dog Millie is anyway, so googling it couldn’t help you now. You suppose you’re fucked, and pray that Mingyu will keep liking you even if his dog doesn’t. 

You expect to hear barking as you turn the key in the lock but all that greets you is a massive, golden furball with a cone on her head. She looks so sad and confused, and you’re not really sure how smart dogs are but she seems to know you’re not who she wants. However, she also seems to know you’re not a threat because she’s already licking your hand - gross - and wagging her tail. 

“Hi Millie. It's nice to meet you,” You laugh awkwardly and pat her back with robotic movements, “I’m sure you’ve heard about me, your dad is kind of obsessed.”

You may be imagining it but it’s almost like she nods, and you decide to take it and run. 

“He is, right? I’m not crazy?” She just stares at you now, and you start to think maybe you are crazy but then you remember you have no one else to talk to about this. You’ve hidden Mingyu from your friends for a multitude of reasons, the largest being that you know you’ll give yourself away as soon as you start talking about him and they see the annoying little steel hearts in your eyes. But Millie… Millie can’t talk. She can’t perceive your feelings about her dad either, and she definitely can’t show up at your workplace to see him for herself like your friends could. 

“Millie, what do I do?” You collapse to the floor, uncaring of the golden fur that will inevitably get on your black work slacks, and wrap your arms around her neck. “I like him. I fucking like him. It’s terrible, and I don’t know how to deal with it, or how to talk to him, or if I even should talk to him anymore, but I have to! This stupid project has two more weeks, and even after that, I’ll still be stuck in between them!”

You’re not crying but you could. However, you vowed never to cry over men when you were thirteen and a half and it’s a promise you’ve kept ever since. You really want to though, and you wonder if maybe you could cry about your situation rather than the men (man) you’re actually upset over. That could be a cute little loophole, and just as you start to let the tears fill your eyes, you feel your phone buzz in your pocket. 

It’s him, you already know somehow, and as you check to see a text asking if you’d gotten in okay, you hope you can manage to find peace in the fact that you’re totally into Kim Mingyu. 

You’re in love with Millie. There’s no other explanation for how you find yourself on the floor, face to cone with her big ol’ head resting on your outstretched arm. She’s panting happily at you, tongue lolling out to the side and eyes nearly shut. They close a bit more with every pass your nails make over her stomach, and you know it sounds dramatic, but it would make your year if she fell asleep on you. 

(You happen to fall asleep first, and that’s how Mingyu finds you. Knocked out on the floor in your work clothes, his precious baby’s head just inches from yours. She’s closer to you than he’s ever gotten and he rolls his eyes at the flash of jealousy that lights up his throat.)

You blink awake as the warm weight on your arm leaves, whimpers filling the room and making alarm bells go off in your head. You spring to attention, fists formed and nearly swinging as you turn to face whoever upset Millie. 

Oh. Mingyu’s home. Fuck. 

In all of your lamenting, you’d forgotten to consider what might happen when he returned home from work. Returned to his apartment, you mean. To his home, not yours. 

He’s got the brightest grin on his face, his pretty mouth stretched apart and his annoyingly perfect white teeth shining at you. Millie is trying to jump on him, so he looks away just for a moment to kneel down and welcome her into his arms, trying to avoid the cone she keeps knocking him with as she does her absolute best to kiss him. He laughs, his eyes crinkling at the sides and his high-pitched giggles replacing the whimpering that had awoken you. Before you can stop yourself, you’re laughing too, wandering over when Millie swivels her head around to stare imploringly at you. Apparently, Mingyu’s attention isn’t enough and as he pouts, you bite down the smug smirk that wants to rise. Millie loves you back. 

“Do you wanna stay for dinner? I had something nicer planned tonight and there’s enough for two. Well, three, I eat enough for two on my own,” he chuckles sheepishly, rising to his feet and towering over you. 

You don’t have anything planned, and you don’t really have any chores you need to do at home so you suppose you could stay. For a little while. 

A little while turns into most of the night. 

Mingyu is an excellent cook, his meal for the evening far better than anything you could scrounge up yourself, and in just a couple hours you’re washing dishes elbow to elbow and laughing like old friends. You don’t know how he’s cracked you open like this, but cracked open you are. You’re laughing at his jokes, smiling back when he grins at you, even leaning into his flirting for once. You wonder if it’s alarming to him but assume that he’s not willing to question anything that’s happening, just in case it closes you back up again. 

You would almost commend him for knowing you so well if it didn’t have you feeling so miffed, like all the work you’d done in trying to keep your walls up around him was for naught. You suppose you could throw some more up but what’s the point? Mingyu will just knock them down with his big warm hands and sweet smiles and dumb jokes, and then Millie will eat all the pieces, the little hoover she is. 

So, you won’t build up more walls… but, you can’t get too comfortable, either. This needs to be a one time thing. 

One turns into two, two turns into three, three turns into once a week. 

The project has come and gone, as has any attempt to pretend you’re not just as obsessed with Kim Mingyu as he is with you. Even San seems to have noticed the change, returning to what you assume is harmless flirting and a touch of light bullying. Mingyu doesn’t even really pick up on that anymore either, the flirting or the teasing. He’s too busy peeking over the wall in between you to stare at you with hearts in his eyes or whisper, “For dinner, I was thinking…,” in a voice far smaller than you’d think could come from a 186 centimetre tall man (that’s the exact number, he’d corrected you quite petulantly when you approximated him to be 182 centimetres). 

You don’t even get annoyed when he interrupts your work anymore, just giving a light roll of your eyes and then all of your attention to whatever he’s deemed important enough to tell you about. Most of the time, it is important. Like asking you to come to the vet with him to see if the neighbour dog had gotten Millie pregnant (her and Asher went through a bit of a rough patch). He didn’t, and Millie got a very stern talking to about safety and loyalty, and you got to see Mingyu in full dad mode which was very, very dangerous for your poor, susceptible ovaries. Some times are less important, like when he made you stop working on your spreadsheet to show you his new high Wordle score. He started playing when San said he needed to work on his vocabulary and while you think his repertoire is just fine, you are happy that he’s found a new game to spend time on rather than playing Cooking Mama in between work calls. 

The environment at work has changed too. People passing by have always said hi to San and Mingyu, but now they mention you too, unfortunately. Mingyu always chuckles when they include you, knowing that you’re frowning into your computer screen even as you respond with a fake-bright, “Morning!” Your boss makes more small talk with you, as do others at the water dispenser, and it’s exactly as you’d feared. 

You knew that letting Mingyu in would make everyone else think they had access to you too, and you were right. You’d expected it to feel like the end of the world, like you would need to pack up your things and terminate your employment immediately, find some remote job and move to Antarctica so your coworkers wouldn’t even have a chance of becoming interested in your life. 

However, it’s not as bad as you thought. 

Sure, you can’t go to the bathroom without Janet asking if you need her to go with you, but it’s nice to have a lil Ladies Room Chat from time to time. And maybe your daily fights with Anderson over the good parking spot are becoming more and more playful and less like you’d actually hit his car if it was legal. And perhaps you’ve noticed the way the receptionist looks at San and told Mingyu and now you’re hatching a scheme to get them together. And it’s possible, you begrudgingly admit, that you’re having a good time with it. With Mingyu, with your work… acquaintances, with everything. 

You’re enjoying yourself and no matter how foreign it is, you think that it could be okay to just lean into it all. You also think that if Mingyu asked you out, you’d say yes. 

You sit across from Mingyu at his dining table, a glass of red wine at your lips and a glare radiating at him over the rim. It’s been weeks of this, weeks of him making you dinner and you cleaning up together and then watching a movie on the couch. You’re not sure how much longer you can take the domesticity without the label, which is quite off-brand for you, needing a label at all, but you want Mingyu to be your boyfriend, damnit! You want to have to fill out one of those stupid forms, and actually stay over after dinner, and drive to work together and have him drop you off at your cubicle with a dramatic goodbye as if he won’t be just a metre away. You want to kiss him, and hug him, and feel up those massive biceps. You want to fall asleep next to him and wake up with him and let him teach you to cook and probably get distracted and oh no, he needs to bend you over the counter? 

Your eyes flit to his island as if you can picture it, feel the cold marble under your stomach and the sharp edge digging into your hips and the smooth texture of it against your skin as he fucks in and out of you. His kitchen is custom made, the cabinets a bit taller than regular for his height, so your feet would probably hang once he got you folded in half, and the thought of being suspended as he fucks you how he wants has heat flooding your stomach. 

“Y/n? You okay?” Mingyu asks, a bite held up to his mouth as if he’s just now noticed how far away you’ve gone in your mind. You nod, finally taking a sip and trying to let the deep flavour of the wine clear your mind. It doesn’t, of course, just makes you feel warmer and the images clearer. Imaginary Mingyu wraps your hair around a fist and bends over you, whispering filthy nothings into your ear and biting at your strained neck, and you can’t take it anymore. 

“Mingyu, why haven’t you asked me to be your girlfriend?” You don’t mean to sound so upset, and you know it isn’t fair, but you think you are upset. How could he do this to you, make you see him this way and want all these things with him, and not take responsibility? 

He chokes on the bite he was chewing, coughing uncontrollably and turning red as you sit there and stare at him. He’s not actually choking or you’d help, but for now you just watch as he takes gulp after gulp of water and fights to clear his throat. You see fear, confusion, and something like incredulity in his eyes once he finds his breath again. 

“I kind of… thought you were?” Mingyu starts slowly, trepidatiously reaching across the table to cover your hand with his and subtly remove the knife from your grasp. 

“What do you mean, you thought I was? Why haven’t you kissed me then? Or taken me out on a date? Or even told me how you feel about me?” Now you’re the confused one, because how could Mingyu think he was dating you without doing any of these things?

“Well, I didn’t want to scare you away! You wouldn’t even look at me when I used to say good morning and now I get to text you goodnight. And I would love to plan a date for us, you’re just a self-proclaimed homebody so I thought dates at home like this would be better.”

You suppose those are good explanations, and you can’t blame him for being scared, you can be kind of scary. 

“What about the kissing?” You ask in a small voice, pursing your lips and avoiding his eyes as if you could hide the vulnerability currently swallowing you. 

“Baby, trust me, I want to kiss you all the fucking time. I just couldn’t tell if you were a touchy person so I wanted to let you make the first move,” Mingyu promises, intertwining his fingers with yours and lifting your hand up to his mouth to place a gentle peck. 

Your heart races, thumping like a rabbit on the run, as you take in his words. You feel supremely stupid for your part in the lack of communication and even more annoyed at how long you could’ve been on your back underneath Mingyu if either of you had just said something. But, you’re not one for apologies, so you stand and stride to Mingyu’s side of the table, pulling his chair out just enough for you to throw a leg over it and straddle his lap. 

“Okay, so just to be clear, I’m not a touchy person but I want you to touch me. I’m not a romantic person but I want you to romance me. And I’m not really a relationship kind of person, but I want one with you. So, you’re my boyfriend and I’m your girlfriend, and that’s that. Good?” 

His eyes shine up at you, his beam blinding, but you don’t need to see much as he nods and cradles your face, pulling you closer to press a searing kiss to your lips. You’d expected him to be gentle, tentative, but he’s been waiting even longer than you and you suppose he’s got some time to make up for. You don’t mind, preferring more of a fast pace yourself and opening up for him immediately when his tongue grazes your bottom lip. He tastes like wine and want, like pure desire, and already you never want to stop kissing him. 

You sit there in his lap, making out as the food grows cold and the wine grows warm, kissing the night away until something starts to nudge at the place between your thighs. Something huge, you think, judging by the sheer length of it pressed against your leg. He moans when you grind down on it, making you grin into his lips and do it again, reveling in the way his hips jerk into you. One of his hands clamps around your hip and the other travels down to adjust himself before he slides lower in the dining chair so his dick presses right against you. He’s so warm you can feel him through the four layers separating you but it’s not enough, you need to feel his skin on yours, his body on yours. 

“Mingyu, can we move this to the-,”

“Yep!,” he shoots to his feet, barely waiting for you to hug him with your legs before he speedwalks to his bedroom and sits heavily on the bed, the force of it bouncing you in his lap and making both of you let out a groan as his dick presses between your legs. 

“Clothes off,” you insist, pulling at the buttons of his work shirt and pouting when you realize he’s got an undershirt on too. He chuckles at you, pushing your hands to your own shirt so he can finish undoing the buttons, working much faster than you were. He’s pulling off the white tee when you finally get your shirt open and off, and you both freeze when you catch sight of the other. 

He’s so… perfect. His skin is so honeyed and smooth, his muscles the optimal level of defined, and his body… His body dwarfs yours, you could hide in the circle of his arms and be completely unseen, untouchable except by him, and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t love the idea. 

You know Mingyu’s staring because you’ve got your tits out, but you’d like to think they’re some of the best he’s ever seen and that’s why he’s hardly breathing. Or moving. And not speaking at all. You slowly shift to unclasp your bra, letting the garment fall and watching his eyes grow impossibly wider. 

He just keeps staring, and though you’re not one to be self conscious, it’s slightly difficult when you’ve got a specimen of a man looking at you so intently. You squirm a bit in his lap, your lip bitten between your teeth and your arms coming up to cover your chest. He catches your wrists in his hands and draws them back down to your lap, whispering when you protest, “Shhh, baby. Just lemme look for a little bit.”

And look, he does. Soon enough, he touches too, his fingers grazing your nipples and his tongue reaching out to swipe at his lips as he watches them pebble under his touch. He experiments for a while, constantly looking up to your face as he tries different things, searching for what really makes you tick. A quick study, he finds it, and it’s like he’s lit you up. You gasp for breath and arch into his hands, your legs stretched open over his thick thighs and your nipples hardening between his fingertips. 

You want his mouth on you, and either you say it out loud or he reads your mind because his tongue is lapping at your skin in the next second. His lips wrap around one side, his fingers tweaking the other, and fuck, you need these stupid fucking pants off. You’re getting so warm and they feel so restrictive, and you sink your fingers into his hair to physically pull him away when he doesn’t respond to calls of his name. 

“What is it?” He pants, his lips shiny and his eyes hazy. 

“I want all the clothes off, they’re getting in the way,” you complain, starting to shuffle off his lap before his hands take you by the waist and plop you down next to him on the bed. You’re not used to just being moved so you’re quick to bristle, but when you really think about it, you love that he can manhandle you like that. You love that he’s so much bigger and stronger than you, and, frankly, you wouldn’t mind if he became your own personal peoplemover. 

He stands to undo and shuck his pants and your face is just about at dick height, so as soon as his boxers are revealed, you lean forward and trace your tongue over the length of his cock. He’s massive and so, so hard already, and you desperately want him in your mouth. 

“Can I suck you off?” You ask, unable to hide your laugh at the way his knees buckle and he has to brace himself over you on the bed. 

“Don’t laugh at me,” he groans, hiding his face in your neck and letting his hands travel up to your breasts to meanly tweak a nipple, “I’ve had a crush on you for months and you just asked to suck my dick, of course it’s gonna do something to me.”

“I’d like to do something to you,” escapes your mouth before you can stop it, making Mingyu snort into your throat and then bite it harshly to stop another from letting loose. You don’t usually make jokes like that, out loud at least, and though it feels very unfamiliar to you, you stand by the sentiment. 

“For real though, can I suck your dick?” 

“Yes, my God, let me get on the bed so I don’t actually collapse,” he laughs, withdrawing from his hiding place to belly flop onto the sheets next to you, making you bounce and land closer to him than you were before. He twists over and lifts his hips as you pull his boxers down, his cock springing up against his stomach and swaying heavily to the side. It’s gorgeous, just like the rest of him. Massive, slightly curved, and wrapped in thick veins, your eye finding one in particular that you can’t wait to feel inside of you. You want to feel all of him inside of you but you want him in your mouth first, need to feel that thick cock weighing down your tongue and pushing into your throat, need it like you need to breathe. 

Mingyu needs it too, you think. He’s leaning on his elbows but he’s got his head thrown back like he can’t stand to watch, like he’ll cum the second he sees your lips wrapped around him. It’s cute, really, but you want him to see this. 

“Gyu, watch,” you breathe onto his dick, waiting for his eyes to meet yours before taking it in both hands and licking at the tip. You’re gentle, to start, your tongue darting out to lap at his frenulum and glide over the head, your hands following the movements to drag your saliva down to the root of him. You’re not sure you’ll be able to fit the whole monstrous thing in your mouth but you’re going to try your damndest, and it’ll need to be slick if you want even a chance. 

You gather up the spit in your mouth and catch Mingyu’s eye, letting it drop down onto his shaft and smoothing it with your hands as his face crumples on a groan. 

“You’re too fucking good at this,” he whines, his fingers clenching in the sheets before you take them in your own and bring them up to your hair. 

“I literally haven’t even started,” you remind him, “and you can pull.”

You bring the head back up to your mouth and press a soft kiss to the seam, taking in one final deep breath before tucking your lips over your teeth and swallowing as much of his cock as you can in one go. He shouts above you, his hips bucking up and shoving more into your mouth. You try to accept it but you gag and pull off of him, trying to catch your breath. Mingyu pets your hair, whispering a thousand apologies and doing some deep breathing of his own, until you go again and take more this time, making him hiss and grip your hair tighter. 

He doesn’t buck into your mouth again but he does start running his. 

“Look so pretty with my cock in your mouth, honey.” “Wanted to see you like this since you picked up that pen in front of me, shit.” “Fuck, you’re the best, don’t stop, don’t fucking stop.”

His praise spurs you, keeps you going when the air gets too thin and your throat feels too raw, and you’re bobbing up and down on his cock, really starting to hit your stride when he pulls you off by the hair and up into a scorching kiss. You wonder if he can taste himself on your lips and grumble to yourself that if he’d let you keep going, you could have really tasted him, but you know that him stopping you now means you’ll get his dick that much sooner, so you can’t complain. 

“Sorry, baby, got too close. That mouth is fucking insane, Jesus,” Mingyu moans, his chest heaving against yours as he tries to regulate his breathing. You smile and peck him again, sliding off the bed to strip off your slacks and underwear and missing the way his eyes heat up and his face smooths out. 

“C’mere,” Mingyu sits up, holding his hands out to you and bringing you in close to stand between his knees. He pushes the hair away from your face, cradling your cheeks in his palms and laying the softest, most gentle kiss on your lips before running his hands down your body. They graze your breasts, smooth over your stomach, pause for a squeeze at your hips, carry on down your thighs, then glide back up to turn you around. You guess he’s only really seen the front and you’ve gleaned that he likes to look, so you let him take in his fill, feeling his eyes on you like a physical thing before his hands replace them. 

He focuses on your ass immediately, pinching, kneading, rubbing, and you think you can just barely hear him whispering to himself when he asks, “Can I spank you?” 

Your eyes fall shut in silent thanks, your heart thudding in your chest at the thought of his big, hot hands coming down on your skin. 

“Fuck, yes,” you sigh, following dazedly when he tugs you to lay across his lap, shivering when he places his hand on one cheek as if to steady you before he starts. 

“Just tell me when you want me to stop, this isn’t a punishment or anything,” Mingyu reassures you, squeezing your ass to acknowledge the little, “Okay,” you let out. 

The air stills when his hand leaves you, tension winding tighter and tighter in your gut until a smack echoes throughout the room and a hot sting starts radiating through the flesh of your ass. You almost feel like you can’t breathe, it feels so good, and you just know you’re getting wetter, can only hope it doesn’t trail down between your thighs to land on his. You have a feeling he’d love that so you’re not too worried about it, but he doesn’t need to know yet, just how much power over you he holds. 

“Was that alright?” he asks, his voice slightly worried and his palm soothing the throbbing skin. 

“Perfect,” you force out, your toes wiggling in anticipation as you wait for the next, “Are you gonna do it again or not?”

“Impatient,” he laughs but obliges, bringing his hand down on you lightly before following up with a harder smack, his fingers digging into the flesh sharply afterward like he can’t stand to let go. 

He carries on like that for however long. You can’t be fucked to tell time when you’ve become a sopping wet mess on his lap, when you’re nearly crying with pleasure, when your cunt is pulsing and leaking and empty and your ass is hot and swollen and covered in handprints. You don’t know anything anymore, just Mingyu, and when he carefully pulls you into his arms and cradles you to his chest, you think you might finally let yourself actually cry over a man. 

“Fuck me?” You whine somewhat pitifully, clutching at his bicep and looking up at him imploringly. 

“Baby, no, I gotta stretch you out first,” he insists, and you consider protesting, but then you remember what his dick felt like in your throat and know that he’s right, even if you hate to admit it. 

“Fine, but be quick,” you reply, rearranging yourself so your back rests against his chest and you can spread your legs out over his. You gasp as the cold air hits you, your wetness glistening on your thighs and between your legs before one of Mingyu’s warm hands slides down to cover you, his teeth nibbling at your ear cartilage and his voice deep as he whispers, “So fucking wet.”

His fingers glide slowly through your folds, taking their time getting to know you, enough so that you buck up into his touch and moan his name impatiently. He teases you for a while longer, until you’re writhing in his arms and about ready to shove four of your own fingers inside, and that’s when he finally gives in. 

He slips in one, first. It’s long, thick, bigger than yours and able to easily hit your g-spot, but still not enough. Two is better by half, but you still feel so empty, “Need you,” you whine, and he slides in a third, spreading and curling all three but just barely missing that rough patch inside. You know he did it on purpose, but you don’t complain, knowing that he’ll just tell you to wait and that you’ll do it, like the g-.

“Good girl,” Mingyu breathes into your ear, and the shudder is uncontrollable. 

He must feel you clench, must feel you get wetter around his fingers, and you just know he’s got an evil smirk on as he chuckles, “You know, I thought you might like that, but I wasn’t sure.”

“Then why’d you say it?” You ask, frustrated at him cracking your code once again. And at how his fingers have stilled halfway inside of you. 

“Because I wanted to. I would stop if you told me, but I want you to know how much of a good girl you're being for me. I think you deserve to hear it and I like saying it, and now I know you like it too, so…,” he drifts off, thrusting his fingers into you harshly and sucking in a breath when he feels you clamp down, “Are you gonna keep being my good girl?”

You can only nod weakly, whining as he starts to fuck you roughly with his fingers, the digits jackhammering in and out of you at a speed you almost can’t handle. You can feel your wetness splashing against your thighs, hear how it squelches out of you with every thrust, and you know Mingyu feels it, hears it too. You fucking love it, love how messy he’s gotten you and how you’re only going to get messier, and when he whispers lowly, “Wanna see you squirt,” you know he loves it messy, too. 

Thank God for that, because he’s totally going to make you squirt. It doesn’t happen often, only once or twice with that one magic-handed ex, but you recognize the signs. You can feel it coiling up inside you, the pressure building and building deep in your pelvis, like a knot that just keeps getting pulled tighter and tighter. He changes the angle of his thrusts, aiming them a bit higher and slightly more shallow, and you know he’s got you. 

He pounds into you, fingerfucking your g-spot with startling accuracy and force until the balloon pops and you scream, your knees fighting to close as liquid sprays out of you and down his arm. Your eyes clench shut and you lose your breath, your walls fluttering uncontrollably around his fingers as you cum hard enough you nearly black out. 

“Good girl, there’s my good girl, there’s my baby,” Mingyu exhales, petting at your sweaty forehead and keeping his fingers curled inside of you. Your hips jerk with aftershocks, little bursts of slick seeping out around his fingers with every buck. 

“Now will you fuck me?” you pant, sprawled on top of him and quite literally aching for his cock. 

“Yeah, baby, I’ll fuck you now,” He nods and laughs at you again, as he seems liable to do, and nods, his chin brushing against your shoulder and his stubble grating on your skin. 

He wraps his arms around your waist and lifts you, placing you on the bed next to him so he can hover on top of you on all fours. 

“How do you want it?” He asks, looking, for all and intents and purposes, as if he’d do literally whatever you said. You like that, and absolutely plan to use it to your advantage later, but for now you’ll be kind and say, “Like this, Gyu, just like this.”

You suppose that’s the answer he wanted, because he grins and smacks a kiss to your lips, hauling your legs up around his waist and letting his cock glide through your folds to nestle against your clit. You jump, your pussy still sensitive from the orgasm he’d just drawn from you, but you love the pressure and heat of him there. You want him inside though, need him stretching you out, so you angle your hips and thrust down, sinking the head of his cock into your entrance. 

He whines into your open mouth, a broken, stuttered thing, and pushes in a couple more inches. That’s all you can take, for now, his girth bigger than the three fingers he’d opened you up with and his length enough to reach the end of you. He fucks you open just a little bit more with every thrust until he’s halfway inside and it’s like something shifts in you to make room for him because from there, it’s easy. He pulls out, or tries to, your cunt sucking him back in so tight it’s hard for him to move. 

Mingyu isn’t one for giving up though, so he pulls back with more force and plunges inside of you again, his one thrust sending you up the bed. Your head rests just inches from his headboard so he wraps his arms around you to hold you in place as he starts to really fuck you. He’s so big and warm around you and inside of you, and when he tilts his hips up and finds your g-spot with the head of his cock, you know you’re done for. 

There’s little else you can do but lay there and take it as he pounds into you, one of his hands rising to clench in your hair and pull your head back so he can bite bruises into some very visible spots on your neck. You’ll be annoyed later at having to cover them up, but right now, you love that he wants to leave his mark on you. You want to leave your mark on him too, dragging your nails down his back as you moan his name and beg him to keep going. 

“Won’t stop, baby, won’t stop until you tell me. Never been like this before, fuck,” he sounds wounded, dazed, like your cunt has cast a spell on him and he never wants to wake from it. You’re not sure you sound much more composed, your throat starting to ache from all of the sounds he’s pulled from you tonight and your stomach filling with heat as he pushes you closer and closer to the edge. It won’t be long now, and though you don’t want this to end, you know that later, you can wake Mingyu up to fuck you again and he’ll be ecstatic about it. 

“Are you close?” You ask urgently, your neck straining from his grip in your hair and your pussy now formed to the shape of him. 

“Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,” he hisses, dropping a hand down to your clit to press rough circles into the raw bundle of nerves. He was closer than you anticipated but you have a feeling that soon enough, Mingyu will have you cumming on command, so you have no doubt you’ll get there with him. Especially not with the thrusts he’s got aimed right at your g-spot, and definitely not with the thick fingers he’s got rubbing your clit. Before you can even take in another breath, you’re tumbling off the edge with him, your pussy clenching around his cock as his hot cum floods into you in waves. 

It’s like nothing you’ve ever felt, your brain dissolving into a delicious haze and your body melting between Mingyu and the bed. You let your eyes slip closed, thoughts ticking away one by one until you don’t have even a single string of words to connect. You have to wonder if every sexual experience with him will be transcendental like this. 

Mingyu whimpers above you, probably sensitive as he starts to come down. Your cunt keeps squeezing him and though you don’t wish it would stop, you do feel a little bad that he seems to be struggling so much. 

“You know you can pull out, right?” You offer, confused as to why he’s staying inside of you when it seems to be hurting him so. 

“Don’t want to, I like it,” he forces out, digging his hips into yours just a little bit more before laying his head down on your chest and promptly falling asleep. 

You don’t really know what to do, but you can hear Millie whining so you give him a few minutes to recover before fighting to shove his dead weight off your body and throwing on his shirt. His cum is trickling down your inner thighs so you make a pit stop at the ensuite for a quick shower before peeking your head out of the bedroom and looking for Millie. She’s on the couch, staring balefully at the door and wagging her tail just slightly, though she perks up when she sees you. She’s probably waiting for her bedtime walk and you don’t want to keep her waiting any longer, so you find a clean pair of Mingyu’s boxers to throw on and get her harnessed and ready to go. 

You cup Millie’s face in your hands and kiss her on the forehead, whispering quietly about where you’ll go on your walk and standing to grab her leash before you finally notice Mingyu in the doorway. He’s got rumpled pajamas on and he’s trying to frown, likely about you leaving him to sleep alone, but his eyes are too full of love for you to believe him even the slightest bit. 

“Can I join you two?” He asks softly, pushing off the doorframe to amble over and steal a kiss before pulling away to let you answer. 

“I’d be annoyed if you didn’t,” you assure him, holding a hand out for him to take and following him to the front door of the flat. You slide into your loafers, nagging yourself to bring a pair of slides to keep at his place so you don't have to walk in your work shoes. 

“You know… if you wanted, you could, um, maybe bring some stuff over to have here? Like, comfy clothes and maybe your nighttime things so you could… stay?” 

He sounds nervous to offer, like he’s still anxious about frightening you away, so you answer quickly, “I want the third drawer of your dresser.”

He bites back the beam, staring down at you with his canines pressing against his bottom lip, and just as he leans down to kiss you, you can’t help but think, fuck, I’m fucking in love with this guy. 

A head of floppy black hair rises above the wall separating your cubicles, followed by bright eyes and a cute, freckled nose. You spot the grin and know exactly what he’s decided to bother you about, preemptively declaring, “No, we cannot leave early to take Millie to the good park across town.” 

Mingyu whines quietly, pouting and beseeching you with his eyes to change your mind. You’re resolute, well aware that your previously preciously stored vacation time is dwindling and you can’t afford to waste anymore if you want to take Mingyu on that hiking trip. You, personally, despise hiking for all that it is, but Mingyu is a fanatic for it and you know he’ll carry you whenever you get tired or bored, so this is one you can take for the team.  

“But Asher-”

“Babe, Asher will be there on Saturday too. Millie doesn’t need to see her all the time, space is good for a couple.”

“Tell that to you guys! Oh my god, you’ve been unbearable since you got together,” San exclaims, popping up over his own wall to glare at you both. 

“San, please, don’t think I haven’t heard you with the receptionist,” you retaliate, “you might as well just ask her to marry you with how obvious you’re being.” 

Mingyu only smirks in response and you try to pretend it doesn’t make your heart and your pussy flutter. 

You’re not successful. 

AN: from the bottom of my heart, thank you to @bbychocolat for commissioning this work! I love the idea and it's the fastest ive ever written 10k words before, and it was more than wonderful to have both her cheering me on as i wrote. thank you to @petrichor-mingi for beta reading this for me, your notes are invaluable!

[ml-1998]

Messages I’ll never send #4

If you read this and wanna talk………

Hey, I guess this might be last one of these I’ll write. How have you been? How’s everything going? Is it easier, are you finding it easier? Are you trying to move on? I hope you’re doing okay. I don’t know what it is exactly I wanna say or if there’s anything to say at all or if I’m just writing down my feelings to help my own sadness. Is it okay for me to say how I feel or is it unfair? Does it cause you more pain? Do you even want to know? I guess I’m just in space right now where I’m just filled with questions, perhaps even some questions I’m too scared to ask incase they’re not the answers I wanna hear. Maybe it’s the answers I need to hear. Will I ever gather the power to ask them? I’m not sure. Maybe as I’m writing I’ll build up to it. Who knows. I can’t sit here and pretend I’m okay and that Im starting to move past it and the pain is going. I do to my friends. They think I’m okay. I seem fine. But as soon as I’m on my own. All I think about is you and what you’re doing, if you’re happy, tired, sad, stressed. In a better space than me. I can’t lie to you Britt. I’m so lost. Feel like I’m just drifting. Like I’m here physically but running on auto pilot. There’s no feeling or emotion. I just feel empty. Like a big part of me is missing. You. I’ve realised a lot over these past few months. The impact you actually had on my life, ups and downs happen but I always felt stronger because I had you. Felt like I could do anything and I wanted nothing more than the future we always talked about. All I ever wanted and needed was you. And don’t get me wrong I knew how massive of a part of my life you were. Maybe I took it for granted. I look back at videos and picture from uni. Just 2 naive kids in love thinking that they didn’t have enough time together and wanted more. Funny how now I’d give anything to go back to those days. Being able to see you everyday no matter how little. Seeing you smile. Holding you. Kissing you. Seeing you today was just so good. Fighting so many different emotions all at once. I just wanted to run to you and kiss you. Tell you how much I love you and I haven’t stopped loving you not even a little since last May. When you saw me. And you smiled at me. My stomach was giving me all kinds of butterflies and I just couldn’t help but stare at you. You’re just the most beautiful person I have ever seen. Inside and out. I know it’s typical to say “you’re perfect” but I honestly mean it. I’ve never found a single flaw. Every part of you I’ve loved. Every single one. Even the ones you might consider flaws but aren’t. Britt I honestly love you so much, I don’t think I can describe it in words how much. I’d do anything for you without expecting anything back. I do things for you. Make your life easier. I wanna hold you ever night and never let go. Give you nothing but love and warmth. I don’t think I’ll ever love anyone the way I love you. My heart has always been yours. It was really good to see you but also sad at the same time. I was sat on the train back home fighting back them tears again lol. Your butt also looked amazing as always. I don’t know where I’m at baby. Or where I’m supposed to be going. I can’t explain to you how much fight I still have left in me. I promised you I’d never leave and I’d always fight for us to be together. I don’t wanna be done fighting. Am I supposed to be? Do you still love me? Do you miss me? Do I need to just accept I’m no longer a part of your life? Do you want me as just a friend in your life? Am I still someone you can safety in or is that gone? Maybe it’s better for me to go. Am I holding you back from being happy. Would things better if I just disappeared altogether? Maybe. I never should have let you go down those stairs. I regret it so much. It’s the worst decision I’ve ever made. A part of me wishes I could still down and talk about these things with you but I guess we wouldn’t be able to find the time. And maybe it would cause more pain and heart break. Or maybe it would help. I’ve accepted I’ll never get over this. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted and more.

You know I really miss seeing your pictures everyday

Marcos