#actually maybe somebody HAS and i just didnt know abt that and if so im so sorry :')

[hewwobatman]

So, you‘re telling me, nobody has connected the dots between Diego „Imagine Batman, but aim lower“ Hargreeves pretty much adopting Stan after 5 minutes of dramatic yelling and Batman „I work alone“ adopting 7+ children??

[yourbuddy1984]

Hello hello :) Just wanted to drop in and ask; I've been thinking abt watching someone play Buddy Simulator but my usual go to for indie horror games on YouTube hasn't played it. Do you have any recommendations for guys to watch? Ty :>

im happy to hear buddy sims sparked your interest!! i'm sorry to say i've never watched a buddy sim letsplay, i've only ever played it myself. maybe some of my followers have though, so i'm turning this question to them!!! my psionic warriors, help zyremida!!!! aid it!!! help zyremida dot com Now!!!!

if you're having trouble finding letsplays for buddy sim as a whole, here's one by mashe99, each video (many of them) is about 15-20 minutes long. another one i found is by RUIN, who has less videos in their letspay, that vary from 30-60 minutes. they also have a cover of one of the songs from the ost, so im willing to bet they felt Something about the game!! another one - though, its more of a playthrough? theres 2 videos and theyre both an hour long, is by gab smolders. this is the one i'm most familiar with, though only in the way that i've seen their thumbnails a few times lol. i've never actually watched the videos, but this is the one i'd rec most i guess? not for any solid reason though. there's also other playlists i saw out there (jesse cox) (mrkravin) (cadplays) (joystickjams) but those first 3 are the first that stood out to me as something i'd watch. i also cannot promise that any of these people have played all of the game. they may have gotten an ending and never played it again (there's 4 endings).. but if the game interests you enough after seeing an ending, you could watch somebody else get another ending..? there's also walkthroughs without commentary (1) (2) (walkthroughs for all the endings), and what's a walkthrough but a silent playthrough....

i also know that markiplier and call me kevin (dont think i have to link those) played the game - i know marikiplier didnt finish his (for this he will never see the lights of heaven (joking)) .. and .. i am unsure about kevin? he has three (i think?) videos on it, and one of the titles references a lategame thing, so i'm assuming he got at least near the end. i'm also assuming he got the 3rd ending if i remember who he is correctly (the guy that aims to get the worst endings in games, i think???? or is that somebody else...)

i am also legally obligated to say that buddy sim will have a different effect on you depending on if you watch it or play it, i think, as buddy wouldnt be Your friend, but some other guys - but i also understand that the game might not be avalible to you, it might be too much for you (understandable), you're not certain whether it'd be worth the money (if it's this, i recommend watching this 10 minute long spoiler free video on it - i recommend watching it either way, really!! i watched it today and i like it), or any other infinitely more nuanced thing. and all of those are ok!!! i just had to tell you or the curse would get me

[drifloonz]

Hihihihi, If you’re okay with me requesting something, can you maybe write Steven and/or Mike (separate if you write them both plz :DD) with a Reader that somehow managed to become a Champion with only like.. A Blastoise and a Charizard on their team where they got from god knows where? If it’s possible, can it be written after Miki’s death yet before Mike’s death? For some reason I find it funny to imagine a random trainer with only two starters on their team absolutely wrecking everybodys shit,,

can do! i was originally gunna assume u meant write as in like write an actual short story but then i realized u said to make them separate so. HOPEFULLY you did mean a sort of bulleted headcanon shortform post more than an Actual Piece of writing. which honestly if so good im not that good at writing short stories quickly or efficiently. hopefully these r good bc i didnt know much of what to write.

these are platonic which i hope is okay. anyways, this feels lackluster but i hope it suffices </3

anyways, steven and mike with a champion who only has blastoise/charizard!

READER

( this is just stuff and headcanons for the reader that add additional context or backstory bc i wanted to also think abt them as a character a bit, but whether you accept these or not is up 2 u lol )

• you probably got both a charmander and a squirtle from professor oak because somehow he gained more starter pokemon this year than he needed, and they were too rowdy to handle. therefore, you got two, since somebody already took the bulbasaur of the new batch of starter mons. who? idfk. maybe your rival if you have one.

• your two starters are at odds at eachother a lot, but in the end they do get along, they just tend to bicker. sort of like siblings ( lol ). playfully competitive with eachother.

• both of your starters are fucking powerhouses and nobody knows why - they probably evolved early and are naturally stronger than other starters - either that or you're just a particularly skilled trainer. this isn't undocumented, after all there did used to be a charizard who was a powerhouse. But you know. Used To.

• if you're the champion of kanto, which i'd assume that's the case, you either fought mike, lance ( bc tbh mike after the incident would've probably also willingly refused to become champion again after steven retired from the role after the incident ), or someone entirely unrelated ( like your rival if you have one ). your choice tbh.

• this is something i just considered After finishing this but if you also grew up in pallet town you probably actually knew steven and mike and were even friends with them which isnt written in any of these but thats a spin on it you can think abt if you want to. imagine if you were and you named your respective starters after both of them that'd be so awkward

STEVEN

🔥 dude this mans depressed as hell rn and i think when he hears or sees you with the starter he chose and with the starter his brother who he couldn't stand to think about right now chose... he just goes "The audacity of this bitch." in his head.

🔥 ok not really he's not that rude but it does remind him of himself and mike... both in positive and negative ways. you remind him of himself before the incident, which makes him sort of long for that kind of thing back. but hey, if you become the champion, it means the league would probably get off his back and hopefully forget about him. which is good. ( if you're even the champion of kanto. )

🔥 he didn't really know anyone else who had a charizard other than him, so seeing your own charizard made him remember miki. which of course, made him even more sad at the thought. he's really just processing several things and your presence complicates it for him a little... has complex feelings about you despite not really talking to you. if you did happen to be the champion of kanto, you'd've fought mike or someone entirely different, not steven, since he released all of his pokemon - and even if he didn't, he would never want to stay the champion without miki... so he didn't really know you, probably - but you may've seen him during one of his regular Depression Roams around the region, or even bumped into him, since he didn't really have any spacial awareness when he takes aimless walks around kanto like that. he'd just mumble an apology and move on, probably. if you were one of those trainers who often had your pokemon follow you, he'd probably just wordlessly stare at both of your starters, especially your charizard, and then excuse himself and walk off a little faster.

🔥 he finds you beating the elite four and the gym challenge with only two pokemon impressive but he also essentially did the same thing*. he still finds it impressive its just... you did things similarly to him. you reminded him of too many aspects of his life and it felt weird.

*its technically implied that steven had more than miki on his team in the pokepasta but i like to think it was mostly for hms, possibly pokedex stuff, and progression, so he basically solo'd kanto w miki

🔥 although if you become good friends with steven, somehow, he will become very friendly with you and your two pokemon. obviously, your charizard would never replace miki... but having one to pet and play with did help out with his depression a little bit. he thinks miki would've liked your pokemon if she were still here. the two's sort of playful rivalry between eachother also reminded him of himself and mike, and furthermore miki and... whatever the hell mike named his blastoise.

🔥 honestly you being there if you did befriend steven did... surprisingly help him a lot? it didn't make everything suddenly better, but having a real alive charizard, even if it did sort of remind him of miki, made him smile a little. he appreciates your presence and sometimes invites you to just take a stroll around with him. he didn't have any pokemon and all pokemon oddly avoided him, but with you around they seemed to no longer do that... maybe they realized he seemed to feel better? sometimes he just idly plays with the wild pokemon when he's around you and bored. he possibly even catches one as Emotional Support. i like to think it's an eevee bc its technically a starter and im biased.

🔥 if he were in a better mental state he'd probably brag about how miki could take both of your pokemon on despite having a pretty clear disadvantage. he'd probably be right tbh miki was built different, but it'd be a close battle were it to ever happen. he wishes he met you earlier.

🔥 assuming you did befriend him, fun fact you probably helped him enough for him to not eventually go find a missingno at the dead of night and also snap mikes neck. this is a win. he's still pretty closed off, depressed, and awkward, but he's at least trying to get better now.

🔥 if for some reason you wanted him to he'd essentially babysit your pokemon for you. i don't know why they'd have to be babysat, they're grown starter pokemon and they're possibly the only ones you even have ( which would be dangerous to go without ), but hey the offers open ( he just wants an excuse to play w them to get things off of his mind tbh. )

🔥 randomly gifts you lemonade and coffee, which he has a startling abundance of. it's an excuse for him to throw away all the gifts people give him because he does not want that shit ( ... mostly. he keeps a bit of the coffee ).

🔥 if you're around steven, you'll be around mike at least a couple of times. steven intentionally avoids mike nowadays, but you'll probably cross paths, especially if steven invites you to his house.. mike appreciates that you hang around his little brother a lot, and will sometimes talk to you, but will immediately try to leave the conversation when he hears or sees steven. so . Woops. steven probably also shittalks mike to you sometimes if you ever bring him up but he'll probably never explicitly mention The Incident, just imply it ( eg saying things like "...Don't keep your Charizard around him." or something ). he doesn't want to talk or think about mike, especially not around you.

🔥 he takes fucking terrible care of himself. he probably has spent a week / multiple days in the pokemon tower in front of miki's grave and he barely sleeps or eats. i think your blastoise and charizard would also notice this and like push him to a bed or try to nudge him berries or something. please make him eat he rlly needs it.

🔥 overall he thinks your interesting, but you remind him of a lot of his life before the incident... which makes him nostalgic and sometimes a little sad. but he grows used to it.

🔥 the steven section of this is literally just him going "Man. This reminds me of Miki and Mike and that makes me feel shitty." and im sorry abt that bc i didnt know what else to add (*&^% steven's not in his best state rn so its harder to write him having any sort of reaction that isnt like that </3. i tried to make it a little more lighthearted at the end but ya

MIKE

💧 mike on the other hand is slightly less depressed ( slightly ) but he still got pretty scarred from the incident. he still tries to be his same energetic self but that is clearly a lot more faltered than it used to be. he usually stays home a lot more often, while steven goes out a lot more often to roam the region and pay his respects.

💧 he thinks you having both a blastoise and a charizard is dope! Unfortunately, it also reminds him of miki because god knows seeing that charizard die right in front of him due to his persistence did negative things to his psyche. i think he's even more dodgy and awkward around your charizard than steven is since steven absolutely blames mike for that whole thing and he knows that and also sorta blames himself. he's afraid he'll hurt yours as well.

💧 HOWEVER. with the blastoise. he'll be like "SAME STARTER???" and hi-five you and he'll let you twos blastoises play w eachother. they get along suuuper well which hes happy about.

💧 he also thinks you being the champion is funny in a sort of morbid way since you straight up just have both him and steven's starters, so the pokemon league effectively had a replacement for both of them. obviously steven and mike had more pokemon than those two, but those were their aces. which, he guesses worked out. he didn't intend to become champion again because he really wasn't in the right mindset for it anymore, so that's fine w/ him.

💧 since he did not release all of his pokemon like a certain someone ( sorry steven bullying you is funny ) nor had one of them die he can fight against you and happily will. mostly to take his mind off of things

💧 he's also been taking horrible care of himself similar to steven, just in a bit of a different way - sleeping in too much and not eating that much. he feels guilty if you help him out with this but its appreciated if you do. just your presence helps, though.

💧 steven is sometimes hanging around, usually against his own will - he'll catch you two doing something together, and he'll also probably see your charizard sometimes. it sort of pisses him off that mike can just Go on with his life and be happy ( mike isnt entirely happy, he's just doing better ) after he "murdered" miki. aaaand that makes the whole atmosphere tense and reverts mike to being a little dodgy and nervous again. the only thing the younger brother has ever said to you is something along the lines of keeping your charizard away from mike. Sibling drama moment ig.

💧 due to this steven's kind of a dick to both of you if you chose to hang around mike. thankfully, steven's usually out nowadays to pay respects to miki's grave and roam the region aimlessly, and he isn't often even in his and mike's shared home anymore. if you try to hang out w them both equally it would make everything so awkward and tense between the two and they'd eventually fight over your friendship, probably - the person starting that being steven, since mike's content with him also being your friend even if it's awkward.

💧 loves to tell you the tales of his adventures. he loves recounting his happy memories and events of his adventures, the pokemon he caught, and battling steven - even if steven sort of hates him nowadays. he'll encourage you to swap stories and tales from both of you twos adventures since he's very interested in how you yourself handled the gym challenges.

💧 unfortunately choosing the Mike Path ( trademark ) will probably make steven eventually kill him still especially if in this hypothetical you don't really talk to or care abt steven much, so take that how you will. that's angst material that im not writing bc this post and all posts i make are already too long.

💧 there is also a chance that you hanging around mike ( especially if u also hang arnd steven ) might make steven just straight up not do that due to the fact you'll probably be around, or in the best option possible he sort of reconciles with mike a little and slowly gets less and less vengeful about it because of you being friends with the both of them. having a third party who didn't just pity the two and offer them apologies and items was helpful, after all. he'll still be very awkward and mostly negative with mike though, just not As much.

💧 overall mike is very happy to find someone to talk to since steven sort of... stopped being social with him or anyone. he finds your methods interesting

i feel like these were sorta lackluster bc its hard to tie in this prompt when both of the brothers are in Depressive Episodes but i hope my attempts were good ! ( also god i really have to condense my writing but i almost physically cant ) anyways ty for requesting - wispy

[mekatrio]

gonna play a little itty bitty tiny bit before i wont be able to play for the next um 3-5 days, but before i do my thoughts on the cast so far (am 12 hours in and about to leave heliord to go to dahngrest)

yuri: okkkk so hes kinda tsundere... OKKKK 🤭... well not rly but a little bit. so his character conflict is his pride.. and his aimlessness... he kinda reminds me of zidane tbh! if zidane was less of a goof.. yuri's lack of sincerity is very inchresting.. well not sincerety but more like.. hes not very emotional, like at all. hes a Cool Guy all the way. his conflict w flynn is very interesting too.. i had more thoughts abt him but im currently hungry so i cant recall them.. woops!

estelle: yuri and rita made me feel dumb as hell for not knowing that she was a princess who doesnt need blastia like heyyyy.. i didnt know that.. anyways i love her and i love that shes a book nerd thats very cute 😁 tho ill admit her character is kinda very stereotypical shut-in princess yknow hmm... so ill be seeing what else comes from her character. and im interested in what reason she'll have to continue staying with us.. and she Better stay with us cuz gawddd i need a healer at all times! cuz i SUCK at this combat 😭

repede: i know ur a dog but i hope you'll stop making dog food.... i #Believe that you can make a salisbury steak. i believe in you

karol: MY FRIEND his introduction was kinda random but hes been nothinggg but the most helpful member so far.. except in battle where im still trying to figure out a good strategy for him (he keeps randomly doing nothing agh). but yeah hes my gps buddy... so knowledgable about the world 😁 hes so cute and sweet and his unemployment story is so sadddd.. and #Relatable... i hope he finds employment again soon!

rita: her and estelle are so CUTEEEE together 🥺 i wish they were closer in age just cuz itd be more fitting but ehh 15 and 18 is alright ig. i love how mages are researchers in this world and they can do some computer thingy on blastias... also sidetracking for a sec but im loving how this game is introducing all the blastia shits and the locations of the world, wayyyy better paced than how abyss just threw me in.. grateful for that! back to rita.. i like her too! i like all my party members tbh. shes opening up to estelle more now too which is AWWWWW so very sweet 😭 oh i remembered a thought i had abt yuri. how basically yuri and estelle AND rita will all just throw themselves into danger for the sake of something.. yuri and estelle to protect others, and rita to protect others too but also for the blastia. theyre all crazily selfless 🧐 which made them scolding each other at the inn so ijbol and interesting cuz theyre all so hypocritical lol... telling one another to look after themselves when they arent doing the same 😭 also i like that rita has this very caring and holistic approach to her passion with blastia, abt how it intertwines with people bla bla bla.. very cool!

flynn: INSUFFERABLE GOODY TWO SHOES ohhhh my god this is somebody who irritates me not only fictionally, but also irl if this was an actual persons personality... i really cant stand a person who sticks by the rules 😭 but its very intriguing to me that hes aware that nothing has changed since hes became a captain, and that hes like.. kinda? hoping that yuri, who is not bounded by all this knightly shit, will do something more.. at least thats the vibe im getting. very interested in where thatll go.. also maybe this is an insane reach but he kinda really looks like ioder.. what if that means something 🧐 tho ofc this could also just be how tales of artstyle is w their huge ol googly eyes, and anyone w the same hair and eye color will look alike.. but who knows 🤔

[fslurusami]

sorry 2 rant in ur inbox cuz ive been thinking about this too. its also really weird when people who get uptight about trans edogai bring up the genital mutilation as reasoning for why she? can't be trans? maybe im overthinking but I thought we were past genitals equating gender. but no, god forbid edogai be trans, much less transfem :/

literallyyyyy this person also kind of implied its the Only reason anybody would hc edogai as trans which WOULD be a point somebody could make (even though i think its not godawful, i could see how "this character who got castrated is trans and i have no other transfem headcanons" would be a little weird) but also ???? edogai literally wears dresses. pretty sure thats the main reason ppl are hcing this. edogai canonically has a not-100%-binary-man relationship w gender (not to equate clothing w gender, but its 1907, there arent exactly cis men in dresses trending on tiktok or w/e) god forbid anybody consider she might be anything other than a cis man.

i also personally think edogai has a complex relationship w gender Because Of the abuse, especially in my modern au where being trans is more talked about, and asks herself things like "am i really trans or is it just from the trauma?" like i am taking that factor into account in the headcanon. i just dont talk abt it much cuz its hard to articulate AND ppl (like this guy) are weird abt it. i didnt forget, im not ignoring any of the implications here, the guy im vaguing just kind of seemed like they assumed nobody hcing this thought abt that, and were just throwing a label on edogai for funsies w/o examining anything further; but that is not whats happening. at least im thinking abt it further, and most of the ppl i know also seem like they are. so like i said in the tags this tone of "clearly youve never considered the complicated situation of edogais gender related trauma" combined w op not considering how there are transmisogynist parts of ienagas character is super weird. like actually i am thinking abt these things and clearly you, op, are not

[whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst]

Texts from The Lost Tomb, part 3

I didn’t mean for this to stray into angst but like the lack of updates with Li Cu in LTR?? I had to do it to em.

Wushanju Crew Chat, 11:05pm

Li Cu: what’s up losers I’m outside

Li Cu: someone come on and open the damn door

Wang Meng: Language:(

Li Cu: fine, someone come on and open the damn door please

Snake Eyes Chat, 7:00am

Wu Xie: hey are you awake? Sorry I missed you coming in:) was finishing up some work. How was the end of your first semester? Did that geology paper go well? Did the food budget work out or do you need some extra money next semester?

Li Cu: yeah about your work

Li Cu: heard a little rumor

Li Cu: about you going through some stuff during ur recent trip

Li Cu: some stuff you maybe forgot to mention

Li Cu: and you told me we gotta check in with stuff, so this is me checking in, okay

Wu Xie: oh? What stuff?

Li Cu: idk just like

Li Cu: THE STUFF WITH YOU ALMOST FUCKING DYING FOR FUCKING MONTHS AND THE WAREHOUSE SHIT AND ERJING AND PEOPLE HURT YOU AND WHAT THE FUCK IS A THUNDER CITY AND NOONE FUCKING CALLED ME ABT THOSE PARTS ONCE

Wu Xie: oh. That stuff.

Li Cu: yeah asshat I’m in the kitchen whenever you’re ready to explain your fucking bullshit. Also you’re out of milk wtf how am I supposed to make breakfast here

Main Chat, 11:14am

Wu Xie: okay so it’s possible I fucked up a little bit.

Wang Pangzi: THERES JUST SO MUCH YOU COULD BE REFERRING TO I DONT KNOW WHERE TO START

Zhang Qiling: What’s wrong?

Honorary Wu Chat, 11:30am

Wang Pangzi: KID IM SO SORRY THAT PUNK IS A TRAINWRECK BUT YOU KNEW THAT

Wang Meng: Welcome home, Li Cu <3 not much has changed, ultimately.

Wang Pangzi: IT DIDNT EVEN OCCUR TO ME THAT HE WOULDNT TELL YOU EVERYTHING ABOUT IT ONCE THE REST OF US FIGURED IT OUT

WAIT HOW DID YOU FIND OUT

Li Cu: it’s okay. not your fault, uncle. Doesn’t matter how I found out. Wait wait hold on what do you mean “the rest of us figured it out” who figured it out

Wang Pangzi: SAY HELLO LIU SANG

Liu Sang: …hello.

Wang Pangzi: SAY MORE THAN THAT.

Liu Sang: uh…so you’re Wu Xie’s protégé, huh?

Li Cu: oh well howdy there homewrecker

Liu Sang: Excuse me??

Zhang Qiling: I think someone on the roof is calling me and I should go find out.

Wang Meng: I would also very much like to be removed from this conversation.

Wang Pangzi: AHAHAHAHA KIDDO IVE MISSED YOU

Li Cu: all I’m saying is aren’t you the little creep who’s obsessed with Xiao Ge

Liu Sang: ???

Zhang Qiling: Li Cu is referring to a brief period of irrational thought on Wu Xie’s part, where he mistakenly believed you to be a threat to our relationship.

Liu Sang: what do you mean a threat??

Wang Pangzi: WHAT DO YOU MEAN TIANZHEN HAD “A BRIEF PERIOD OF IRRATIONAL THOUGHT”

YOUVE MET YOUR HUSBAND RIGHT

Wang Meng: can you please take me off this chat.

Liu Sang: Wait, so Wu Xie told you about me, but…reading between the lines, he didn’t mention the cancer or anything bad that happened? Oh yikes.

Li Cu: don’t change the subject “Liu Sang”

if that is your real name

Like yeah you’re right abt it but still

just saying

heard you got good ears but I’ve got snake powers

kinda

so like no more funny business okay you superhearing harlot

Wang Meng: LANGUAGE, LI CU. IN THIS HOUSE WE SHOW GOOD MANNERS.

Wang Pangzi: LMAO OH DO WE NOW

Zhang Qiling: Li Cu, this is all unnecessary and childish. Please apologize.

Li Cu: you say that now bruh but apparently you weren’t complaining when he was all “idol this” and “idol that”

oh and hey Wang Meng while we’re here can I show you my business class grade report later bc Wu Xie is all “what matters is that you learned and enjoyed the experience” blah blah all eat pray love you know how he gets and I want to actually discuss areas to improve so that when I take over this joint I do better than Wu Xie? Tho that shouldnt be hard lol

Wang Meng: hurtful but accurate. I’ll bring my best red pen:)

Liu Sang: oh my god. I’m too jetlagged to keep up with any of this.

Wang Pangzi: BEST. DAY. EVER. IM SCREENSHOTTING THIS FOR HEI XIAZI.

Not A Homewrecker Chat, 11:52am

Liu Sang: Okay, we started off on the wrong foot.

Li Cu: I agree let’s start over

Start with how your little prank game almost got ppl killed

Liu Sang: And I seriously regret that. But we moved past that.

Wow, he seriously skipped over so much bullshit but didn’t skimp on mine, huh.

Li Cu: AHA so you ADMIT IT

Liu Sang: I’d like to think I’ve grown since then. That I’ve come to see Xiao Ge as a person and mentor, rather than an idol. I count Pangzi and Wu Xie as my close friends. I’m going to be staying here with them right now, I hope you can be okay with that.

Li Cu: see in my head you were going to be a lot less mature about it and I had a bunch of great follow-up insults planned

Liu Sang: I figured. I’d like us to be friends, though. Or at least not enemies.

Li Cu: okay but only bc you don’t know me yet so you won’t judge too much for this and I need to get this out to somebody I’ve been thinking about it for hours and my friends are still in finals and I’m stressing a little bit maybe

Liu Sang: ?

Li Cu: I yelled at dad

*Wu Xie sorry autocorrect

Liu Sang: …uh huh.

Li Cu: I yelled at him earlier. for keeping all that stuff from me. He started crying

Liu Sang: Wu Xie has been pretty emotional since we got back. Not necessarily your fault.

Li Cu: I made him cry right there at the kitchen sink and it felt like maybe the worst thing I’ve ever done

Snake venom and stabbings, no tears

Me saying I wouldn’t have gone to his funeral, all tears

Which I know was shitty to say but I was really mad

Liu Sang: If it’s any consolation, I think Wu Xie can understand the concept of being led by his emotions to make bad decisions…better than most people.

Li Cu: Xiao Ge came in then and looked weird

Like weirder than usual

Like he didn’t know which of us to be more mad at

Liu Sang: A common problem for the iron triangle, I understand.

Li Cu: I just ran out I didn’t have words right then and I feel stupid

but whenever they come back from their walk I’m gonna say sorry and stuff bc i could’ve come home to his funeral and I’m mad about it but also like. I could have come home to his funeral. I can get mean when I’m in a freakout mood. It’s not like I was scared or anything at all I don’t get scared really anymore ever but just like. Freaked out.

Liu Sang: He’s probably going to say sorry, too.

Li Cu: sorry I called you a homewrecker. Didn’t mean to slut-shame either

Liu Sang: I admit that after the initial shock, it was pretty funny. Super hearing harlot, it should be on my business card;)

Li Cu: this situation with Wu Xie is weird but kinda good ya know. And I have these freakouts sometimes that something maybe bad could happen to this situation. So consider this a shovel talk. But like, also not a shovel talk at the same time.

also I appreciate you saving his life and whatnot

Liu Sang: Noted. Now. Coffee?

Li Cu: sounds sick.

Be in the kitchen in 10. You can pick out what we watch for the household tv show tonight. no way is Wu Xie choosing some dry documentary about gravestone rubbings again. Pangzi just watches real housewives reruns and Xiao Ge won’t watch tv after he caught the last half hour of A Walk To Remember. Also i need my phone now to send some $ to Hei Xiazi since I owe him for…providing some intel

Liu Sang: Not even surprised.

[safetyrat]

Hiiii maybe LL!Ren for the character headcannon thing?

hey!! yes!! im really glad i get to talk abt ren bc he lives in my head rent free At All Times :) ty very much for requesting him

Realistic: While Ren did want to win, i mean thats kind of the whole point of the game, he never was truly passionate about it? Like, he saw how it was a hollow victory last season and being a natural two lifer, he didn't see his chances as too great. The driving force for making alliances and gearing up was mostly survival instinct. He would try, of course, but he woudn't go as far as betraying allies or doing anything else crazy like that, this game wasn't worth it.

Well, he used to think so. But BigB saying that if they win, a part of his queen wins with them? That stuck with him, for some reason. He is willing to go far futher, now. A far lot futher.

He needs to win, after all.

Funny: He still is very much a werewolf, but he does not transform on full moons (bc server power supression, regulation to make the game more fair etc. etc. whatever, he just naturally is a bit dogboy anyways). Instead, he just kinda,, goes crazy goes stupid? think this post without the transforming basically.

It is especially incredibly inconvinient as this is Very Likely To Happen during the mysterious and very important meetings with Martyn/the Shadows. Sometimes this just makes him get into their weeb roleplay even more, more likely than not it ends up with furniture being nibbled on and everybody else incredibly tired with how much affection he demands. Usually Martyn has to console him bc he is very embarrassed afterwards. This is a routine they have developed in Dogwards. They Are Used To This.

(And yes, this is the reason he set himself on fire and we didnt see it in his episode. Fuck You if that wasnt even a full moon. It's also why Martyn insists on teaming with him afterwards, he clearly needs somebody)

Sad: He made a grave for his queen. Well, not a grave grave, her body is with the Joel and the other reds, and Ren doesn't think he even has half the claim to it as they do, but as close to closure as he could get. He gathered every trinked and item he could find that felt connected to her (I headcanon time to be much slower for them, so the recordings take a few days and there are days of down time between the recordings. You would be suprised how much Stuff piles up when you live with somebody for a few weeks) and burried it in the ashes of the fairy fort. Despite everything that happens late game, he always makes sure to go there and take care of it a bit, restore parts of the fairy fort maybe. He feels a bit silly, doing so in a death game, but he feels like its part of his duty to her. Like he owes it for not being able to protect her.

Canon who: OK SO this isnt entirely original, but!!!! do u know the post thats like "3rd life happend in a millisecond on the hermitcraft server, and when everybody returned they werent even sure it actually happend? and ren didnt even know if martyn actually exists?"

PLEASE if somebody knows where to find that post send it to me, its a banger and i wanna credit it properly

So take this and extend it to Last Life. Imagine Ren waking up after being killed, having watched first Lizzie, then BigB, then Martyn die, die, die. Imagine him opening his eyes in a panic, ready to scream for help from his allies, only to see... Doc? Looking concerned at him? Asking "Are you alright, man? You blanked out for a second there."

He is in a meeting. Doc looks expectantly at him to explain the new developments of the octagon. His whole life has just changed.

But it has been just a second. And every other second that passes, his memory gets more blurry. Did he really imagine that? Was he going crazy? Did he make them up? Make up three whole new people important to him? After all, most of the other players in that game had been hermits, except the ones closest to him, for some reason.

But no matter how much time passed, he could clearly remember their faces, and you know how they say that you can't make a new face up in a dream? He hung onto that.

Weeks later, and he doesn't remember why, but he metioned it to Pearl. And she told him about a little server she was on once called Evo, and that she had known Martyn and BigB there. She admits not knowing where they are now, but it is enough to make Ren determined to find them.

She also mentions another server, one she still frequents today, and while it doesn't usually have visitors, she promises to arrange something.

Time passes again, then Ren finds both Gem and Pearl at his front door and they take him on a journey to a world of empires.

It's where he gets to see his queen again, and this time, she is more royal then she has ever been before.

[peachy-inserts]

kageyama falling for someone/relationship hcs

request: hello!! so apparently ur taking haikyuu requests now so if it's not too troublesome, how abt some kageyama bf headcanons? thank you!! 😊

warnings: cursing

a/n: first haikyuu post, tysm! i hope this is ic for him, since its our first shot at this! i actually fell in love w him a little writing these, i didnt like him all that much before but now im realizing just how much of a sweetie he can really be aww (ik this just said bf hcs, but im adding it to our series!) long post, more under the cut

Kageyama is stubborn, he’s slow to come around to his own senses whenever he’s crushing one someone. It takes a good while for him to finally recognize what his own feelings are, and when he does it makes him sick. He’d be in denial for a while before he finally just couldn’t take it anymore and decided to bluntly ask you out

In the meantime, he becomes sort of stand offish with you. He wants to do nice things for you, but he just feels so silly doing it, he gets clammy, his palms are sweaty, and he can’t stop tripping over his own words

You make the blood rush to his face and the tips of his ears burn a bright red that is singed forever in his memory, who gave you the right to do that? He’s Tobio Kageyama, someone who doesn’t rely on others, who’s always sure of himself, and can’t be influenced by someone else’s opinions

He’s so blunt and nervous that it’s probably common knowledge by now to the rest of the Karasuno team that he has a massive crush on you, and the more he tries to deny it, the more he’s teased (by Sugawara especially, who eventually gets so sick of his love sick dazes that he bullies him into asking you out before he’s even considered it a possibility)

You may not even realize it yourself, though, with the way that he acts around you. It’s almost as if he’s pulling your hair, teasing you and then running off, but it’s not on purpose. He’s.. doing his best, but it certainly doesn’t come off that way. He only hopes that you aren’t offended by him, as most people seem to be

One of the major things holding him back is his fear of abandonment, his reputation being of no help in that. Even if you do show interest in him, he convinces himself that it’s only casual small talk, only a fabricated smile you use to make him so flustered that he excuses himself to finally leave you alone. Why would anybody ever want him? He’s cold, blunt, and clueless. He doesn’t really bring much to the table in a relationship, right?

So when he does finally ask you out, standing outside of the school just after class has let out for the day and tugging at the hems of his practice clothes all while trying not to bite his own tongue while he stutters, it comes as a bit of a shock to you

Is this some sort of prank?

You’re relieved, albeit confused, to know that he doesn’t actually hate you and in fact returns your feelings, and happily accept his confession to which he excitedly whoops and then runs off towards the gym, glad that it’s finally over with, before realizing just how rude of him that was

You haven’t moved an inch, completely bewildered by the event that seemed to have played out in front of you, when he comes back panting and asks you out on a date. Smooth, Kags…

Your date is, well, interesting. He’s super excited, nervous, and fucking terrified. He wants to vomit but he also kind of wants to hold your hand? Ugh, this sucks. And people just do this for fun? He fell for one person and feels as if his entire life has been turned upside down. This is your fault!

Once you officially start going out, he gets a little full of himself and despite how awkward he still is around you, he wastes literally no time whatsoever in rubbing it in Hinata’s face. He can’t do anything with Kageyama bringing up the fact that he has a s/o now and the red head still doesn’t

Smack him.

Past the beginning stages, once you’re established a stable and comfortable relationship with him, things are a lot different

While he’s himself around you, witty, sarcastic, and a little bit careless, he also feels the need to constantly impress you. He can’t start slacking; what if you get bored of him and leave him? He should always be striving to be the very best boyfriend he can be, even if he stumbles a few times on his never ending climb upward

He’s not super open to you about his feelings, but tries to make up for it in doing smaller things that he knows would mean a lot to him were they to come from you. He’ll get an extra snack at the vending machine, try and carry your bag whether you’re at school our out together, and listen to every song you send him (when you recommend music to him, he always teases you that it’s awful or makes his ears bleed, but he adds it to a playlist of songs that remind him of you and plays it whenever you’re around as a subtle way of letting you know it’s special to him, that he really does care. He’s not actually blowing you off)

Kageyama sees a Pusheen keychain set after practice one day, and even though it’s not something he’d ever buy for himself, he purchases the set and gives you the other half so you match. It’s so cute, and he turns beet red when somebody sees it attached to his bag one day and asks him about it. He tells them that you’re the one that bought it and he just didn’t wanna tell you no

Wow, he must be so caring, and they roll their eyes 

He’s not big into PDA, but he doesn’t mind holding your hand when you walk together or giving you a quick peck on the forehead as a goodbye at the end of the day when you’re forced to part ways. He’s not that shy to show people whose you are >:)

As for jealousy… yikes. He could stand to be put into his place every once in a while, as he tends to snap at people and go completely over the top for small and petty reasons, often getting caught up in his own insecure and blinding rage that he forgets what even set him off in the first place

Whenever you come to his games, he’s completely thrown off. He’s not used to people showing up and cheering for him, and he gets so nervous that he’ll mess up in front of you that he wastes time trying to focus on impressing you and throws himself to off

He loves and you wanna support him, but… maybe it’s best if you just make up an excuse and send him off with a good luck charm

By the way, if you do happen to make him a good luck charm then he is going to carry it in his pockets for an eternity, not only at games but just in his day to day life, except for on days he gets to spend with you. He doesn’t need luck when you’re there, because he’s already struck gold

[cassyapper]

loving you may mean losing you but i dont mind (jotakak playlist)

dont talk to me about the title of this thing im embarrassed enough

anyway but okay so!!!! very excited to share this!!!! this has been in the works since september but my picky ass finally found an adequate amount of songs so here it is!!!!!! my jotakak playlist (:

special thanks to my lovely and wonderful friend jade for helping me finish this this thing <3

track list nd why i picked the songs that i did under the break!

1. the predatory wasp of the palisades is out to get us! by sufjan stevens i chose this song because it’s all about internalized homophobia and being in love with your best friend as a kid which RLLY resonates w jotakak imo. esp cause in the song, stevens’ friend ends up leaving abruptly, leaving stevens to wonder about what couldve blossomed if they had stuck together and worked through the difficulties together, which JOTARO....THAT IS JOTARO-CORE esp cause kak also “leaves” (dies). so this song was a v obvious choice for me and in fact this song is what inspired me to create this playlist in the first place

2. we are beautiful, we are doomed by los campesinos! this song is abt being in love with someone but you both have ur issues so it’s kind of a mess. considering jotaro and kakyoin’s (to point it quite frankly) trauma and the fact that both of them do jack shit to try and cope with it healthily, this song DEFINITELY fits them. esp cause this song mentions physical fighting and the imagery that goes with it (”he got his teeth fixed/im gonna break them”, “i’ve got a fist on fire”, etc) and the entirety of the bridge/last verse rlly gives me these two’s vibes so! ya (:

3. love love love by of monsters and men this song is the singer feeling like shes completely unworthy of being loved by this important person in her life, particularly because she has NO idea how to show affection and love the (for lack of better word) “acceptable” way, or any way at all really. this REALLY has jotaro vibes cause he is one repressed motherfucker and as we see the entirety of his story, jotaro is full of love he loves so much it’s just he has no idea how to properly express it cause he’s scared essentially. but that didn’t stop people from loving him, in this case, that being kakyoin. hhhhHHh

4. ribs by lorde this song is about being scared of growing up but due to the lyrics being written the way they are, i kinda spin the interpretation of it to be the fear jotaro and kakyoin had on the crusade to egypt, as they were the youngest and didnt know if they’d make it back and everything is just incredibly overwhelming there is so much going on all the time those 50 days. i can do a full analysis on why but that would be kinda long LMAO. for now let’s leave it at they have a very Unique fear of growing up but it still fits with the lyrics. particularly the last bit of the song with the “youre the only friend i need” verses,,,makes me think of these two...

5. can i call you tonight? by dayglow i interpret this song to be about trying to figure out what, exactly, your feelings are for this very specific and important person in your life. since jotaro and kakyoin r both repressed and also suckers of internalized homophobia, i think they fit that theme very well. particularly with the whole “i feel like we’re close, but maybe we’re not actually? what are we?” theme going on in the lyrics, this whole song makes me think of jotaro and kakyoin figuring out their intense and sudden (cause again only 50 days but also, those 50 days had So Much going on) feelings for each other. also the “now i’m no longer alone” line in the chorus HHHHHHH that’s them

6. la la la love song by toshinobu kubota ft naomi campbell SO I KNOW THIS SONG IS KINDA JUST FLUFF but we need some light-hearted moments in this thing hjgg;. ALSO toshinobu kubota is canonically jotaro’s favorite musician so i wanted to reference that and this was my fav love song of his that i’ve found so far so (: also the “you are my shining star” line,,,heh

7. truce by twenty one pilots so this song is very soft. it’s about tending to wounds and taking a moment before continuing to push on. it makes me think abt jotaro and kakyoin taking care of each other on the journey (for example the lovers arc/n’doul fight). also the whole “stay alive, stay alive for me/you will die, but now your life is free/take pride in what is sure to die” makes me go fucking nuts that is. that fits these two to a T fuck

8. this side of paradise by coyote theory this song has big “two lonely people are in love with each other for the first time” vibes and OHHHHHHHHHH THAT’S JOTAKAK.... there are a lot of little lines that make me specifically think abt these two, such as “love so strong it makes me feel weak” (jotaro-core...), “if you’re lonely come be lonely with me”, “i’ll be yours if you’ll be mine” (wanting some security while ur in love for the first time is common but especially for these two i think it works spectacularly) but yea this song as a whole is just...ohhh them. theyre in lvoe HK;FNJFL

9. i saw you in a dream by the japanese house EVERY. SINGLE. LINE. OF THIS SONG IS POST-EGYPT JOTARO. EVERY SINGLE LINE. and the ghost the singer talks about seeing? they hadnt changed at all? they were such a pretty vision, a perfect hallucination? BRUH... just listen i could do a whole analysis on this song it all just fits jotaro mourning kakyoin throughout the years so so so so well it makes me feel nuts holy shit i just. literally every line. every line fits i am not joking. i cried when i first heard this song LMAO

10. video games by the young professionals SO LMAO obviously kakyoin’s epic gamer moves are being referenced but beyond that i interpret this song to just be the fun parts of being in love esp when ur young (backed up with the “kissing in the blue dark” and the “watching all our friends fall” lines). also the chorus just makes me want to cry cause just, happy jotakak moments PLEASE. “the world was built for two only worth living if somebody is loving you, and baby now you do” THEYRE NOT ALONE ANYMORE THEY FOUDN EACH OTHER IM GONAN WAILLLLLLL oh my god. im nuts theynkjNJKNJF also “i heard that you like the bad girls” please. these two shitty teenagers

11. ikanaide by sohta ft. yuki kaai this song is abt not wanting someone u love to leave u cause youll miss them obviously but also ur scared of how the time will change you and if it’ll make you unrecognizable eventually. big post-egypt jotaro vibes 😔 especially cause one part of the chorus translates to “i shouldnt cry, i shouldnt cry, but the truth is i want to say dont go” and im jus like OHHHHH NO IT’S JOTARO FINDING OUT KAKYOIN DIED jkfnNKJFNJDhkld

12. therefore you and me by eve ALRIGHT. god this song is one hell of a doozy. i interpret this song to mean being sincerely in love but youre in the wrong place/wrong time. considering the uh Whole Situation in part 3 there were definitely better times to fall in love for these two. jotaro and kakyoin try to be happy w the moments they do have (i think the second verse in particular adds to this sentiment what with the selfish ghosts part) but they want a better environment understandably so theyre also just kinda ignoring things until they can properly care for a relationship. but well...who knows if theyll live to make it to that better environment ):

13. mayonaka no door/stay with me by miki matsubara this song is a v sweet sentiment abt like “it’s not just heat of the moment!! i do care about u a lot!!” and asking the person u have feelings for to stick around. big kakyoin and jotaro vibes as it would be easy to call what they have a fling considering how relatively short of a timeframe they had but i genuinely think their relationship was deeper than just that and this song nicely reflects such. “jotaro and i will share a room cause we’re both students” fuckin head ass

14. a thousand years by sting oh sting.... so since sting is kakyoin’s favorite musician canonically i had to add one of his songs here as well but beyond just that i do think this song fits them!! it kinda gives me big “if not in this life, then the next” vibes which is a big uhhh thing for jotakak. they may be doomed to tragedy but the moments they have together make the tragedy worth enduring ironically i feel like this song is mostly from jotaro’s pov considering i dont think he ever completely got over kakyoin and this song def has that kinda sentiment but hey it fits them...

15. mr loverman by ricky montgomery SO FUNNY STORY i actually REALLY. REALLY didnt wanna add this song at first cause i felt it wouldve been...idk too cliche? i guess? and i was ALL kinds of picky when choosing songs for this playlist HOWEVER. eventually i relistened to it and read the lyrics while thinking specifically abt jotakak and it actually rlly does fit quite well KJDFN; another jotaro mourning song ): it’s not just the chorus tho the whole song fits jotaro immediately post-egypt but also i feel like some time around part 4 this sentiment would come back to him cause Yknow. Gays In Morioh and the mess of his family life back in america. it just aches for him cause while he’s happy josuke is happy he wishes he couldve had that for him and kakyoin too but yea jus ... them

16. you by petit biscuit an instrumental?? in a ship playlist?? yes that’s right much like mr loverman i was hesitant to put this song in cause it’s harder to justify since i dont rlly know much abt music (and not to b controversial but interpreting lyrics and interpreting music r two different things) however i really think the vibes of this song fit jotakak. it’s got a somber melody but the keys of the piano are high which im taking to mean “light in the dark” which. jotaro and kakyoin (along w the rest of the crusaders) were each other’s lights in the dark. also the ending samples a conference/lecture talking about space flight and like. star platinum. space symbolism. jotaro. yeah

17. saturn by sleeping at last MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. this song is all about losing someone very close and important to you, but reflecting on the good they brought into your life rather than the pain of losing them. this song also has HEAVY space imagery which stardust crusaders is absolutely chalk fucking full of so also it’s a very philosophical song and considering that jotaro and kakyoin are both Nerds and both got a nice view of the stars/space in the desert with each other, im sure they had conversations similar to the one highlighted in the song. i think it’s a good note to end the playlist on cause kakyoin is dead and jotaro is the survivor but it’s not a mourning song so much as jotaro taking the love he had for kakyoin and pushing forward with it allll th way into part 6

but yeah that’s the tracklist! i might add or take away a song or two but this is mostly it (: hope yall enjoy!

[justanotherartistgirl]

Okay wait wait you saw my Haruta relationship hcs and everything but do you have any?? Pls I’m desperate for new opinions and hcs abt him 😫

ofc i do bro headcanons, ideas, scenarios, how can i not when hes in my brain constantly? GOD get ready for the rambling.

So, his ability? I just think its really neat like aside from the funky potential it has to make him real strong if he knew about it and like trained to be like super strong physically, just imagine the comedic value. JUST. I just think it’d be hilarious for someone to attempt to kill him. Just maybe Mahito went and said “lmao we dont need this guy” so there he is getting scolded for killing one of their pawns by Geto when all of a sudden Haruta sits up with a groan and everybodys in shock because wtf where is the injury how is he still alive? OR JUST. IMAGINE SOMEBODY TRYNA EXPLAIN IT LIKE “bro i tried to kill the blondie but???? he??? got up again??? after taking a bullet to the head???” OR SOMEBODY BEING “hes dead!! u just killed him!!” and then he just gets up lmao and just it makes him seem like a bigger airhead than he is like he asks the time and then checks it and its like 11:11 or somethin’ and then he forgets bc of his ability and asks and checks again and everyone just sighs please I think its funny

Okay enough abt that lets get to actual headcanon sorta stuff <3

Also its mentioned that his hits with his sword are super duper precise and accurate and while yeah sure maybe the sentient sword helps with that a little i just wanna imagine hes got great precision with his attacks <3

I feel like hes gotta know first aid like cmon now I can imagine like a mother or somebody teaching him bc hes weak or maybe he teaches himself bc hes weak and bullied and gets hurt a lot. He’s surprisingly competent and everybodys surprised.

Speaking of bullied !!! by god can i imagine it just. the name calling i bet hed get called the things like ‘weak’ and ‘pathetic’ and ‘airheaded idiot’ and ‘dumb blonde’ and ‘girly’ and stuff like that. It feels like though maybe as a kid he’d be a little hurt by it??? but as he is now he seems like he’d stand there with a blank stare just not seeming to know he’s actually supposed to be offended

and school !!! he strikes me as the type who just didnt go to any jujutsu school, or maybe just did and he dropped out. or dropped out of normal school. whatever the case, school has never been a high priority for him. but i can just imagine he wasnt really taught proper jujutsu stuff in a school </3 maybe hung out with a group of curse users and stuff, yknow? hanging out with the wrong crowd or whatevs

hes the sort to wear makeup im just saying imagine him with makeup with painted nails and like idk makeup stuff just <3

just saying he would just. If he met like Maki or Kugisaki at like a grocery store he’d probs approach them all friendly maybe all “well yeah I was supposed to try and kill you but i mean the missions over now we’re not on the battlefield rn!!”

people would come after him for like several accounts of murder and stuff and he’d be all “oh? i didnt know i had secret admirers <3″ when theyre all “finally found u!!!”

Talked abt him with a friend once and they said “he’d be that guy who says something offensive, gets his ass kicked by girls and then stays there in utter confusion because he got no clue what he did wrong” and honestly? yeah

Also they said “He’d probably do shit he doesn’t like just to impress a girl” He’s exactly that sort of person

also im just saying hes totally the type to go out with the intention of buying something for someone only to forget and buy things for himself instead and when he realises he just shrugs all “oh well, guess i’ll do it next time ig”

[tartagliaxx]

first off, hello 🤷‍♀️ anon! sorry i missed you out

and secondly, dw, marius is my favourite too lol, he reminds me a lot of my younger cousin who i lived with when i was younger. i was always the one who took care of him and marius calling me older sister just set off so much memories of my childhood. the both of them are also vv similar in personality, attention seeking, playful and artistic so i always see him whenever i look at marius.

artem is probably my second favourite ngl, ever since i read his ssr where he was jealous and got drunk (what a good combination lmao) i just grew so soft for him. at the end of the day, he's just a vv soft sweetheart who's insecure that we'll leave him :(( i have like 3 ssrs at lvl36, two of them are artem cards and the other is luke. i vibe with luke too bc i love the childhood friends trope, it's top tier. and as for vyn... i have vv mixed feelings abt him. i feel like he could so easily see through me if he was real and i'm just like, how about no. he's rlly pretty though, like rlly pretty.

*major spoilers*

and you've finished the archon quests!!! personally, i feel like the ending felt a bit rushed(?). it's weird bc i thought the resistance war against the raiden shogun was supposed to be the center of the story, but it just devolved to us helping yae with the entire war being swept to the side. and i already knew somebody was gonna die, and as soon as i saw that teppei had become the captain, i just knew.

it's interesting bc i would love to explore what happened to la signora and scaramouche to make them so disregarding of human life. like, i don't like them, but i want to understand their minds. it's sad to read signora's artifact's background honestly. and the fact that her crown said she used to be called rosalyne, that she had perhaps once led a more innocent and naive existence. i dunno, to me it seems like a good ending for her honestly, she had already lost herself after her lover's death and brings pain to many others, i don't think she can rlly return to being her again.

and honestly, a lot of people are talking abt scaramouche not telling signora he already had the gnosis and saying that he orchestrated her death, i don't rlly think so. i feel like he's just that apathetic to human life, even if it's someone that stands on his side, he just doesn't care enough. it also says how he never got along with anyone, not even his fellow harbingers, so i don't know why ppl expect him to seek out someone he doesn't like just to warn her of danger.

i vibe with scaramouche and la signora as the antagonists bc they're good antagonists, but as characters, well. other than the fact that they're pretty, they have like one likeable trait and that is their loyalty. they would do anything for the tsaritsa even if it cost them their life. i'm rlly excited to see what the tsaritsa has in store for us in the future.

considering our sibling is nicknamed 'the prince/princess', i wonder if there's gonna be a day where we're gonna have to go toe to toe with them. if we had them backed them into a corner with no way out, i wonder if they would kill us. it would be an interesting twist if we could actually die, but i feel like the protagonist halo will prevent it lol and i'm sorry bc god, this is so long.

— r. anon

marius. that’s the tweet. man,, you dont realize how in love i am w him?? like,, this man was literally my only hope when i fell horribly sick. i cant w myself now that i’m hearing it w my own voice. it must be nice to remember the good ol’ days… i despise my cousins and i dont have siblings so i dont really have that sort of connection w him. to me, his onee-san is just a joke? a petname? idk but it simultaneously makes me so mad and giddy just like childe’s existence does

i like vyn bc his vibes are sus but at the same time, he’s cares abt our mental health 🥺👉👈 no one’s ever said shit like that to me… jokes aside, luke is seriously threatening his spot bc of his blushing bs like pls 🤲 i’m so weak for that shit give me more. artem makes me soft too like,, he keeps mentioning that he trusts us and he’s just…. HE’S A BIG TEDDY BEAR THAT BLUSHES AT LIKE ACCIDENTAL HAND BRUSHES GRRRR. in conclusion, i love them all.

but man,, give me ssr luck… literally, im in pain…

now that the excitement’s worn off, i can now judge things properly. i think that… the pacing is horrible. like the plot is good, genuinely, but there’s just,, so much to explore abt this. if you think abt it, this is the climax and yet we didnt get much. scratch that. we got a lot but it’s all underdeveloped that it felt like nothing. we go to sangonimiya, got promoted, became captain for like, one sec before we are sent onto an investigation that didnt really produce any results bc app teppei alr knows everything? and then the delusion thing is a good plot point but it’s not really explored? just… a lot of things are left unexplored and i think that story wise, a lot of the possible lore explanations went down the drain. it would’ve been nice if we saw more abt the rebellion and if we had gotten to know whats the real deal w the commissions but eh… idk… i would’ve rather done more quests abt this whole storyline than like… do that whole dance w the three people who lost their vision in 2.0.

if im going to be honest, la signora is such a wasted character. like maybe her death was just for the shock factor or maybe it’s to prepare us for more harbinger encounters in the future.. idk but she’s such a good character from what we’ve seen but we know jack shit abt her and her motives. we know a little from the artifact set but beyond that, what do we have?

precisely! that’s how i feel abt this whole thing when we’re talking seriously. like w ei, i dont really agree w whatever they’re doing but i want to understand why they do the things that they do. everything has a reason and their psychology is just interesting to me.

i think scaramouche’s nature makes it easy for him to disregard human life. call it arrogance or whatever but ultimately, he’s seeing himself as smth above all these people bc he’s more or less capable of standing toe to toe w a god. why should he bother telling signora? it’s not like he gains anything if he does. i think that when he got the gnosis, he’s just ‘well she dies if she dies. who cares abt that? i dont have any need for incompetent colleagues anw’ i agree and i dont think he orchestrated her death but at the same time, he just allowed it to happen too.

as for signora, i’m actually surprised? for the most part, i think that the harbingers took their posts for selfish reasons. for scara, it’s to entertain himself and pass time. for childe, it’s to fight and grow stronger. for dottore, it’s to conduct dubious research w/o anyone stopping him. i expected signora to have some similar motive like power or money but it seems like she does actually believe in the tsaritsa? it would be very intriguing if signora’s main motive in becoming a harbinger is simply bc she is loyal to the tsaritsa and her will. bc in contrast, i think scara and dottore are more loyal to the fact that the tsaritsa can give them what they want, not bc they actually like her. actually, idek if they’re willing to die for her lol. like i wouldnt be surprised if they suddenly abandon post in a life or death situation but who knows…

in any case, they are very good antagonists. i like yo think that the tsaritsa isnt as bad as the game portrays her to be… of all the gods, she’s the one im looking forward to the most but… haha… what version would that be….

i’m almost certain that they’ll make us fight our twin maybe before we face the unknown god? if one of them dies, i would be very sad. like legit. but knowing mhy, well, our twin is almost 100% a walking death flag.

anw i’m shutting up rn— i also spoke too much kahdjabdhakbsjansb—

[zontiky]

au where lila is adopted imto the umbrella academy

*rubs my gay little hands together* heehee hoohoo

first off im gonna say sorry diego :/ 

KJRWKESFDHK JOKING IM JOKING SORRY

so lila grows up to be less of a manipulative shit bc she doesnt need it to survive or gain love from her parent

no thats not right

she receives real/”real” love from grace and reggie doesnt even pretend to give them love so unlike the handler who used love as leverage

so while lila is still cunning and sly and shit she also doesn’t try so hard to manipulate the hargreeves, bc, theyre her family

controversial take but i think lila and five would be close

this take is also hilarious but maybe only to me

both of them are good at getting things done and getting their way and also maybe it has smth to do with lila really liking how fives powers work?

it would really hit her hard when five leaves. bc that was her friend right there. maybe she and ben and/or vanya form a bond based on being bitter five left them behind

lila and ben would be a good friendship i would like to see it

six seven eight hanging out... hhh

OOOH MAYBE VANYA WOULD BE 8? because she’s powerless now? no no the number system existed before their powers came in nvm

its arbitrary so w/e lila’s #8 kjshssd

i think it’d once again be harder to blank slate vanya because,,  lila can use vanyas powers. she knows vanya has powers. maybe im not making any sense but also i just think it’d be nice for vanya to catch a break

maybe when little allie tries to rumour lila into forgetting lila pulls out that uno reverse card

or uno DEFLECT card lmao

but assuming vanya is still powerless, i still think vanya would have a bit of a better upbringing than canon

1) vanya has TWO other girls in the house who hang out with her and do girl things and yay sisters! 2) lila... gets it. her powers are reliant on the other’s powers. without them using their powers first, she basically has nothing. she gets it! vanya may be completely powerless but lila doesn’t have powers unless they’re training or they’re fighting and so vanya and lila would be close too

maybe vanya still gets some training bc of that! because if lila, part-time powerless, trains, and doesn’t use powers for half of battles, maybe vanya, “powerless,” can train and fight too

and i know this isnt a good thing bc like. hellooo child soldiers lmao?? but also vanya would feel like shes more of a part of the family and would have a friend by her side and maybe wouldnt even want to write the book in the first place

but also at the end of s1, when it’s discovered vanya DOES have powers, and they’re the most powerful of them all, actually, maybe lila grows bitter

i mean wouldnt you? the one person who was “less” than you, who you were better than in even the slightest way, is suddenly the baddest bitch around

so that sets up some interesting stuff for s2 haha

maybe ben doesn’t die

with another person on the mission, maybe somebody has his back. maybe ben doesn’t die

that’s assuming ben’s death was accidental tho bc we’ve all seen the death-by-horror-suicide theories

but anyway maybe lila stops ben’s death just by being there and fighting other people so ben has one more person covering him. maybe she’s there and it doesn’t matter and ben dies anyway. idk

if ben dies anyway then i think lila would be Extra Bitter but also really sad

five left her and now ben too? the people she cares most about keep getting torn away from her

and that’s not a good way to think because obviously her other siblings are hurting too, and theyre there with her too, and theyre there to do their best to support her in their own shitty way, and lila cares about them too...

but still. 

also tho lila and diego friendship... this is jumping back up a couple bullets back to before or right after five left

in s2 lila and diego both being in the asylum together would still be funny. lila pulls the bacon out of her sock and diego rolls his eyes and takes it, not even phased, because she’s been doing this for yearsss

ok if five doesnt leave and ben doesn’t die i think they might have a bit of a better life post-academy? but also if five does and ben does then i have no idea what lila would be

maybe she opens a shop

yeah i think that would be nice. lila’s store au JHSFKJHKSD

i think she might follow one of the siblings (diego or vanya) in their career paths bc its been drilled into her from the beginning that shes nothing without someone else to copy

maybe diego bc he still has powers... maybe she’d want to keep at least some powers

but if vanya didnt get suppressed or still got trained at least i think she’d go with vanya because they just do better together and diego is a bootlicker anyway /j but no seriously i get why he chose the police academy but also why not a fucking firefighter bitch?

FIREFIGHTER LILA. I LIKE THAT

maybe vanya plays in the orchestra and lila plays in a band

OK BUT IF BEN DOES DIE. maybe she follows klaus around for a bit because she cant bear to let ben go and when she copies klaus’ powers she can see him... even if just for a bit

that would impact ben’s arc a lot too because he’s not completely alone with only klaus, who is high out of his mind most of the time to keep him company, but also lila too, who i dont think would mess with drugs

so basically lila being added to the mix would mean everyone is just a little less alone i think

maybe luther is also less... mm idk how to put this

maybe he’s disillusioned a bit earlier regarding reggie? because he’s supposed to be #1 and the best but lila can do just what he can too. she can lift cars and throw people from buildings too. so how special is he really?

GOD i love thinking abt this. lila would impact all of their stories, in major or minor ways, and its really cool to explore how that would transpire

i think allison might also be a bit humbler before stepping into marriage in regards to using her powers

because if someone uses her own power on her as she’s growing up i feel like she’d learn that doing that has big consequences faster? maybe she’d still rumour her way into some roles or some classy interviews or just in general use her powers to help her career a bit... but i think with her knowing what its like to be rumoured she wouldn’t use it in personal situations. so maybe she wouldnt rumour claire.

maybe claire doesn’t exist at all bc it’s implied she rumoured patrick into falling in love with her :bonk: or maybe she still married patrick but later on because their relationship needs to develop first

oh also maybe pogo would be less of a BITCH in s1 because lila is persuasive tm 

yeah um thats all ive got alsfkds

THIS IS A FUN GOOD AU. i hope u like my Thoughts

[saltedsour]

tutorial level lore (for real)

i didnt proofread this after 1.75 hours of typing and that's your fault because i said so

expect typos and nonsense

CORRUPTED:

everybody forgets about him like wtf,,,.???? i swear everybody just goes "HIIIII IM SO HAPPY ALL FOUR OF US ARE HERE" "please i'm right here"

playlist mode also forgot about him 😢

to be fair i forgot about them until right as i started typing

also needs a hug. actually fuck that they all need a hug

the,,, the shortest,,... i i cannot..... they're short oh my gosh

probably one of those wiggly cactus fucks but like angry at everything

also the youngest out of all of em.... babeyyyyyyyy...

110% has a cool scarf i mean come on guys

ok to differentiate between corruption and this fucker's name i'm gonna give him a capital C at the start

tbh they all have that certain vibe that i can't explain rn rn but corrupted and blixer the most so uhhhhhh they vibe together share a vibe yeah

unironically dabs

probably the less focused on MURDERING spicy player shapes

"Okay look ASSHOLES I was the first out all of us to be pink so y'all should really treat me with more respect" they don't

has the best song and ill fight you over that

would look rlly cool if they were like....... not Corrupted just not them

glares at chronos every time he says wink out loud.

his last name's probably kyle

CHRONOS:

doesnt have a face anymore. it's a clock now.

NO his face doesn't mostly tell the time accurately and that pisses logic off the most.

ironically dabs

maybe the tallest but maybe logic's taller i haven't rlly decided yet ok ok

he cant right now he's dunking his bible in milk

rlly wants to eat food sometimes so he just yeets like fucking corn flakes at his face. milky ways also sometimes yeets corn flakes at his face.

"Wowwwww you guys have FACES??? smh."

maybe believes the world is flat

types for 20 minutes after you insult him online

would set fire to the tree of life and watch every second of them burning

the tree's probably fireproof tho and like i don't think fighting the fucking shape goddess went well last time??? didn't it??? now u dont have to worry abt getting ur face hurt that's for sure

Probably part enderman at this point like what the fuck how did you get out of that locked room???? You just see him fucking leave out of another room like OK CHRONOS

says wink out loud

does the most jobs for the tree (outside of what they all usually do)

what they're supposed to do (teach those spicy player shapes to not die) isn't what they actually do now (try to kill spicy player shapes unless they're good enough to not die and get the fuck out of there!!!)

Genuinely misses having a face.

MILKY WAYS:

she has the most braincells. and eyes. three eyes. (and three braincells)

second shortest,!!! will fight you

probably the most reliable at reading anything

"okay guys it's been fun but i'm going to space now" *walks out of the room*

probably would be like rlly competitive in video games and like whenever they suddenly win when you were about to win you hear them gleefully cackling thats actually rlly wholesome wtf me

"guys is the world flat yes or no" "does my life depend on the answer???" "YES. YES IT DOES, CHRONOS." "uuuuuuuHHhhHHhhHh"

probably added megalovania to the group's playlist (if they had one.................)

the tree of life definitely once yeeted the fucker she just grabbed her fucking face and went YEET!!!!! no idea why but that 100% happened

played minecraft and left a review saying there wasn't enough squares

fought Corrupted and won

"i'm gonna munch. i'm gonna crunch" just steals somebody's fucking c h i p s and SPRINTS away

strong shitpost energy tbh??

doesn't know the difference between astronomy or astrology

nobody can see any stars™️ where they live and she rlly wants to see stars™️ (it's her aesthetic ok) (smh) (you wouldn't get it)

they might just be in the fuckign void thats not rlly an aesthetic

LOGIC GATEKEEPER:

doesn't understand most memes tbh

YAAYYYYYY SECOND TALLEST.... or NOT!!!!!!!!!!

"guys ur not being logical....... 💔"

would whisper wikipedia articles to you <3

i'd say they could do the best maths out of everybody but rlly i dont trust them with 1 + 1

unironically would type like... this... sometimes...

"guys why are you awake it's like 3 am" "shut the fuck up logic we're eating stolen c h i p s"

probably has rlly cool legs (i forgot to delete this but now i'm kinda liking what me 10 minutes ago said)

they maybe broke 1 law but it was just one of the laws of reality (like a fucking nerd smh)

T-poses regularly to assert dominance over the three shorter peasants.

actually the only one that still likes the tree of life. "GUYS GUYS SHE'S COOL WTF???" "logic please she fucking deleted my face"

fought Corrupted once and lost

favourite flavour drink is water

everybody probably calls them logic because saying three more syllables is just too hard

BLIXER. THAT FUCK:

angry!!

also dabs but maybe???? ironically (he doesn't know either anymore)

wtf he's directly middle height to everybody (bht he's taller than everybody in that stinky new game form though so good for him)

punches stuff!!!!!

"guys where are my c h i p s"

he has a pupil but only sometimes for no reason

probably went into the tutorial gang like wayyyy after everybody else so he's the new shape™️

"hey guys check out this neat selfie" he just shows them an image of sans

kinda "died" but he actually just took over the world

the tree of life also tells everybody what they need to know rn rn so like she just went "heyyy yeah he died 😭 have fun guys" and went off to go be mean to him for like. ever.

he is a cat. he will never forget that. everybody keeps reminding him plEASE GUYS

ahhhhhhhhhh!! water scary

types for a fucking hour if you insult him online

rlly needs a hug

tired 24/7

probably wears a hoodie. all the time. even in the summer.

most focused on spicy player shape murder.

[smallestclowninthecircus]

Season 4 notes

Ep 121: mmmm tape recorder turning on without them knowing goes brrr. AAAhjhdsjfhjdf "do you mind if i call you jon" its like "can i call you elias?" is this the dream guy with the tendrils? who wants to bet the boat is captained by peter lukas? big man if it killed yall how are you still here. oh boy the tape is doin that thing. who do we think it is? did he wake up? hmm. ep 122: lol jon. 6 months!?!? bruh quit movin big man. he just Knows things sometimes you know how it is. nah b/c i can relate to feeling like other ppl/ things arent real, thats the biggest mood BUT i think it is kinda pretentious to entertain the idea that youre the only Real person. If you dont see a body dont believe it. i'll hold out hope for a bit. theres not a new archivist is there? surely i wouldve heard about that. oh god peter what changes did you make. ep 123: web development. hope its about spiders. she blames him. bruh why. if they hadnt done anything the world would've ended piss off melanie. why are ppl acting like he chose to be in a coma for 6 months. we know this they just appear. no longer "head archivist of the magnus institute, london" now he's just "the archivist" covered in spiders? cuz ik the spider has to do with controlling what youre doing and all this stuff but i cant think of how this connects to that. ep 124: ugh vertigo. is michael crew an old man? oooh. fairchild. how did he know it was martin? hmm. GRR I LOST MY NOTES AGAIN. FROM EPISODE 125 - part of 131. ep 131: bruh he's so hard to understand big man ur voice is so low. Jared Hotworth. the boneturner. "the ones i helped find their proper bodies" name a better top surgeon? our favorite trans ally? ep 132: woo field trip into the coffin! static lol. he says "chill out im just poppin in for a quick recall mission" is the rib thing actually gonna work? bruh it feels so odd and contrived but he's an odd man with some odd powers so idk. rip that archivist ayyy statement time. voices? recordings? are those tape recorders? was it the tape recorders? did they pull him back? i hope so b/c if the rib thing actually worked im gonna be so disappointed. ep 133: predicting the lonely? tundra. like the lukases. hmm. sanikova! like sanikov land. so its the hunt? i suppose? yeah. so daisy's clearly rejecting the hunt, which makes sense cuz she doesnt seem to like the entities that much. wait so are we just not gonna talk abt all the tapes playing on the ground?? no? ep 134: not an archival assistant anymore? Adelard Decker (or however you spell it) i recognize that name. 15th power. i was right there are 15. the extinction? im trying to remember what ive heard. oooh spooky. no i gotta be real i dont understand this fear but i'll believe you that its a thing. ew lukas is so squealy. lukas can turn invisible? oh boy. oooh martin put the tape recorders there. lol lukas is worried he's gonna be an avatar of the eye. ep 135: yoo its the third Daedalus statement! maxwell rayner (reiner? reigner?) i dont know who that is but ik its somebody. is he the cult leader guy? church of the divine host? 4 people?? what? did they kidnap somebody and keep them up there?? oh dear jon are you dying? did he try to See or Know or whatever? why does everyone call basira detective lol. ep 136: he was the one from the spider movie that ate ppl right? the special effects artist? is it annabelle cane? "its a joke jon" lol. hmm they wanted to record the therapy session with melanie? i wonder who that is. i almost wanna guess annabelle cane but im not sure. ep 137: this is the one! he went to the other place and read the war statement but it wasnt the one she took. not the music again. sounds like the slaughter. who the heck is eric lol. "the watcher's crown" like the crown of eyes we saw in the piccrew ep 138: oh boy Robert Smirk time. is that elias? as unhelpful as usual. if new powers can be "born" can others die out? did jonah magnus wear the watchers crown? maybe they were born from our fear or maybe our fears were born from them. ceaseless watcher does ceaselessly watch so. idk what you want

big man. yeah jonah for sure did something. ep 139: agnes!! lol that one dude threw off all their plans thats so funny. BUT this does tell us something. the tree in the backyard of the hilltop house? not made by her. it going down didnt kill agnes. im guessing gertrude tied agnes to the house using the tree? u good jon? cuz every time you try to Know smth intentionally it seems like it causes you great pain. how come he can do it accidentally with no problem but the second he wants to know smth of plot relevance he gets a headache or whatever ep 140: lol pagan exultation. classic. "oh thats my rib" lmaoo. ppl are always so mad at jon and his Eye powers except when it benefits them. they're like "oh you shouldnt do that its not right" and then all of a sudden they want to know something and its all "oh cmon jon its the only way" ep 142: oh god jon what did you do. its interesting she's giving her statement in the way that they do when jon Asks. did he see her in the Coffin? and so he's following her? ok cmon jon you're supposed to let them come to you. lmao ikr martin. "start to hear the blood" "suure." lmao ep 143: lol that awkward moment when gertrude is already dead. big J if you die im gonna kill you. bruh. ayo helen? i guess it worked? ep 144: lol this reminds me of that one edgar allan poe story where he kills the old dude with the weird eye. spooky music stuff. lol thats my favorite symptom of a heart attack its hilarious. so its smth abt the location probably? bro i feel like you should write down the numbers idk. 162830165049 564846474827. seems like the distortion? like the kinda thing that causes you to go crazy because of the numbers. oh boy is it the extinction again. bro what?? im?? his dad just died and he's like eh. martin dont be mean. he's being all lonely again. big man ur pushing ppl away. oh god its fucking squealy boy. ep 145: that almost sounds like breekon/hope... Arthur? agnes. aah was he from the lightless flame cult. a tree. lol he's just ranting rn. hehehe fuck landlords amirite. yay someone tells jon outright to go to therapy. now do it big man. ep 146: oh great! the distortion! i'm making a spiral themed building in mc right now! jon maybe accept you did a bad? nah this goes back to what i said before. they're fine with him compelling ppl when its convenient for them but otherwise its "no jon you cant, youre a monster jon" the tapes didnt turn on. i spose that means its not important? i agree with daisy, this seems unecessarily dangerous. ep 147: is that a tape? the first tape? well that went better than i expected tbh. BAHAKJASHDJKF she did the "can i call you jon" like nikola says "elias, can i call you elias?" damn annabelle is such a girlboss. oh! the one thing from the picrew. its been a while since ive connected smth to that. lol all the other avatars always talk abt their patron so lovingly and the jon just. absolutely hates the eye. ep 148: lol thats the most elias thing. "i just like the way it sounds" ep 149: did he disappear? bruhh. ur lonely powers are popping off i guess. oops i accidentally deleted my notes for 150 - 152 ep 153: thats the cult right? yeah. it doesnt sound like the church of the divine host? idk. if it is the church of the divine host then they worship the dark right? so is the eleventh the dark star or wtvr? it almost sounds like the corruption b/c of the oil or grease or whatever. oh dear what happened. oh its the hunters. theyre so annyoing. not an "it" he has a name. he's a person. is this a page from the skin book? ep 154: oh shit this is gerry's dad! oh shit he quit! oh dear god. jon don't you do it. haha martin. yeahhhh... is he gonna tell the others? cuz you know theyre gonna get mad if he doesnt. oh also picrew connection! the bandages over the eyes? yeah thats this im guessing. ep 155: oh good he told them. oh my god what did you do. lol i have no mouth and i must scream. nah you get none of my sympathy you're straight up murdering ppl. its like the desolation, destroying lives to sustain your own. ok but taking their statements doesnt

kill them. oh... bye melanie. ep 156: lmao imagine if the tape recorder spoke back. oh boy decker! i swear we got a statement from him already. oh god mirrors scary. They're gonna eat the body arent they. Yup... sounds like the flesh or the slaughter, but I'm not sure. Could be the extinction for sure. Smth at the center! Like Helen mentioned. God Peter you dick. Ep 157: peter's just so :/ another decker statement i see. a statement about the corruption? hmm. maybe its not abt the corruption. the extinction. lol pandemics. topical. John Amherst. helen? lol i can hear admiral purring in the background. oh cmon helen dont be like that. im trying real hard to like you but you make it so difficult. ep 158: did they fucking free the stranger? im gonna lose it. you absolute dumbass. im sorry who is that? jonah magnus? my guy. peter. you absolute dickhead. that's elias. (im p sure i had this spoiled for me that elias is jonah) oh dear this is her death. god peter you prick. i hope this is a pop off martin moment and not a "martin you idiot" moment. i hope the hunters kill the stranger entity. or she kills them. furry daisy pop off! yeah fuck you peter martin can make his own decisions. you know that clip from Twisted where jafar says "ok what the fuck was that" martin D: ok like i know its gonna work but still D: D: ep 159: peter you bitchboy. because if im alone i cant hurt anyone else. imnotgonnacryimnotgonnacryimnotgonnacry do it do it do it do it. pop off jon. ok its a pretty good idea for a ritual i gotta be honest. she didnt even have to blow it up lol. oh dear that was certainly a noise. "he gets you" did he not have jon already? he's back! our boy is back! awwww thats so cute. ep 160: oh right this is the thing in the safe house. i love him. "obviously im going to tell you if i see any good cows" martin my beloved <3 :)) oh boy who is this. fuckin. people. jonah you dick. gahh. you can tell he's trying to resist so hard lol. ohh. hehe keep an *eye* on him. altho if the extinction is a real thing he needs to be marked by that right? lol he sounds so intense im sorry- i want martin to just burst in and be like "look at this cow i saw!" its so dramatic and for why.

[ghostfruits]

hey can i ask a personal question for the members of ghostfruits; how do u guys personally deal with suicidal ideation and self harm? i notice that theres alot of mentions of death/depression/suicide/etc in your comics, and im a huge fan of you guys and im currently struggling with my own demons and thought I would ask. i hope this isnt too intrusive, feel free to ignore me.. - a suicidal, depressed fan.

i know we’re in public rn but i’m gonna just talk to u like a person, real quick. im going to talk to u like i would have if u were like in front of me

its like 2am and so im worried i might not be as lucid as i think. im sorry in advance if this is like, whole gibberish

im gonna speak for just myself, as the the person who is most often inserting specifically that kind of shit into our work, but definitely not like, the only person on this side like massively struggling with a similar variety of things

i dont know

a lot of people seem to be making work about problems they Used To have, and like ways they Used To feel, and like overcame, and then it becomes safe for them to make like, art about it. like the turmoil happens behind the scenes and then they like open up abt it publically after the fact via art. or at least like thats what im seeing happen, or like, ppl talk abt like "i made this bc it would have helped me figure my shit out sooner if someone had made s/t like this for me" and the like, probably dissappointing truth of it here is i'm bleeding in like real time. i dont have solutions to it. you and me are both in the immediate thick of the same kind of emotion. i didnt manage to puzzle it out. when i was 9 i started feeling like i wanted to kill myself and im 25 and ive wanted that, still, the entire time. i dont all the way know why its like that. sometimes i used to think it was like, a reaction to specific kinds of hardship or loss or dissatisfaction with my circumstances, but lately ive been worried that maybe good things or good times or good feelings are just like, distracting me from something that is my Actual desire, that being dead is the path im just like occassionally straying from. when i say that out loud i have a really easy time imagining a second person telling me that isnt a healthy thing to be saying or feeling, which usually means it isnt, but thats like, really how i am feeling, that is really where i am at with it. that probably means i dont have any business directing another persons like, outlook on it

so

while i cant tell you how to live with it, or cope with it, or manage it, bc im not doing any of those things, i can tell you really confidently that i dont think you should be dead, and you're being misdirected by either yourself or the world or like something else altogether into thinking thats the key that fits into whatevers in front of you. i know i dont know you, but i know like, a lot of people, and iv never felt like any of them should be dead. ive never met anybody who i thought itd be like fine if they died. theres people im hugely indifferent to, theres people i hate, there are people who have hurt me or others enormously and ive still never thought in earnest like "this persons best plan of attack i think is to kill themselves"not like anybody. not like anybody ever. iv said some fucking wild shit abt niggas but iv never said that, and i cant imagine ever saying it. or thinking it, or feeling it. i dont imagine youd be like an exception to that

thats easy to say, but, im not the person who has to live with it tho. thats easy to say to you but you still have to wake up tomorrow and live out whatever has got you so fucked up you're at like, a death point with it, and if youre coming here to ask abt it, youve probably exhausted a lot of other options already ill bet. and its like, probably wack as fuck to meet like another dead end here too. i dont know if youre still reading this even. i probably wouldnt be. iv had madd niggas hem and haw at me forever abt "temporary problems permanent solutions" and then just like shuffle me out of their office or living room or whatever and expect im not supposed to like pop myself on their doorstep. niggas acting like im fucking playing. like i got it out of my system bc we had one conversation and now im supposed to go eat lunch and be regular. idk. id be very mad at me, if i were you. i dont know if you are, but i wouldnt blame you for that. the reason i say all this is to articulate like;its possible that after hitting another roadblock here, youll feel like, "ok then fuck it" and like set your sights on just like, doing it. like bc i didnt have any jewels for u it would like reinforce it maybe. i would like u to consider this tho;

theres MADD niggas smarter than me. i was extremely useless to you just now. this is not like the pinnacle of help you're ever going to get. the answers you need for this exist even if youve already turned over a dozen rocks and theyve all been like, as useless, as this, tht has like absolutely no bearing on if the next rock will have useless shit under it. every single time u flip a coin it has the exact same chance of going one way or the other. this like did not have the medicine u need in it but the main thing i would want to stress to u is that it *does* exist and uve just had like a supremely shitty time finding it

somebodys got it. the only thing i can like confidently promise u is that somewhere, somebody, definitely knows the answer to this. u might be the person even. im not sure. /i/ def havent found it but like its in the mix somewhere. idk

i cant prove it to u but im positive ur not done yet, & you should stay

i didnt read back over any of this after i typed it, & so im gonna apologize again if it was just like, fullblown nonsense

[lesbianfreyja]

hey so im abt to graduate ha and i trust ur opinion i think so like no pressure but if u could just give me any input whatsoever that comes to mind thatd be Great. im taking a Gap Year next year bc even though my act and sat rank 95th percentile and i have an unweighhed 3.7 gpa w almost all ap classes i was rejected and/or waitlisted from every college i applied to. granted my safety was a 66% acceptance rate and its the best school in my state but Still (1/2)

(2/2) Anyways. im taking a gap year and i need to be Productive and Build My Resume more. im looking to pursue public policy math and music bc i play cello. i also want to read more (books articles Everything). i just want to know if unhave Thoughts on what would be good to do during my gap year. book recommendations, habits to adapt, types of things get involved in, whatever. i have a general plan of what im doing next yr but i just want lile Smaller things that will kind of keep me Going ig

omg wow well-- congrats on graduating first of all!!!

i personally didnt take a gap year/couldnt because idk how i’d ever get back in the flow of things, but you do whats best for u!! im not really sure what to recommend for you, but i’d definitely build the resume. personally, i don’t really believe in volunteering or internships, but maybe get a part-time/temporary job in the field you think you ultimately wanna pursue & do that a couple times a week. it’ll look good later that you have Experience In The Field -- even if you dont actually do anything relevant (for example if you wanted to be a vet & you just were the receptionist for one) future employers will think it’s great that you were in that environment, and it’s always good to have some extra pocket money anyways

books i’d recommend: things that interest you! if youre gonna be keeping busy during your year, then books/articles could potentially be reserved for Just Having Fun & Relaxing. it really depends on what you wanna learn about, ive read tons of interesting things so just lmk, there’s always ways to find books that teach you things while still being fiction or interesting (for example i read a book once that taught me a bit about getting published, because the main character published a book and it talked me through that process she went thru). also, i occasionally like to calm down and read smthng a bit mind-sparking while i play music and light incense/candles (for example, poetry or sylvia plath makes me feel Like An Intellectual). go to ur local library and browse around OR to a book sale and just pick up stuff that sounds interesting.

habits to adapt!! where i’m at right now, id suggest learning some basic life skills. what i mean is that i just moved out a couple days ago, and it’s occurring to me that i never learned how to cook rlly basic meals with a few core ingredients and stuff like that. pick something you think you should know before youre on your own and do it: make a few core meals from just ground meat/sauce/onions/whatever (my sister has like 5 ingredients that she just uses to make everything, it’s fast and tasty and a good idea). i grew up with siblings & already worked on some social skills in college, but if you havent, get used to breaking out of ur shell a little (i spent my first year friendless bc i Do Not know how to make friends). pick some things you wanna learn how to do and just begin the process of doing them--if you ever wanted to be somebody else, now’s the time to start making the change. learn how to do ur own laundry, learn how to use a dishwasher, start to clean your own room or communal living spaces. even the smallest things u pick up will be good to know later.

also, and idk if this is applicable to you, but you could always take some community college classes & transfer the credits later so you have a head start. i also generally recommend that if ur not getting in anywhere u want, go somewhere cheap & close and then transfer a year into the game, it’s MUCH easier. i’d also figure out where ur gonna go next year and start to get to know some people from the area so youre not just suddenly on ur own....even if you just talk to them online for the next year or so and dont get to meet up til you go (if its far). 

keep up with ur cello so you dont lose the skill in a year, it’s hard to pick things back up once u let it slip! take some online classes about public policy math so youve got a head start & can maybe even skip some intro classes! overall i’d just say to take the time to work on yourself and DONT let it get too stressful. relax and have fun, you dont know when ur gonna get unlimited time off like this ever again and with few obligations like rent, so enjoy it!!! and congrats again!!!