#actually i think me being covid vaccinated is way more of an issue to these freaks than being gay LMAO i might rather deal with homophobia

[californiaquail]

just learned that my friend's brother in law who as far as i can tell is like a far right drug and alcohol addict (?) who caused extreme disruption and drama last time he was here and also my old french horse trainer boss are both coming for thanksgiving y'all.........☠️

[cbk1000]

Also, re: that terrible doctor (because my last appointment was so horrible and useless I can't fit all my complaints into one post), the cardiologist gave me some calcium channel blockers to help with high heart rate, but I stopped taking them because they didn't seem to be helping, they caused really bad fatigue, and also I'm worried about dropping my blood pressure if I take them long-term. My blood pressure has always been basically ideal during all of this, and I don't want to lower it too much because that will also cause issues.

So I mentioned this to my doctor, and that I had read there were beta blockers that were more targeted and would affect my heart rate but not my blood pressure as much; is that so, and if so, maybe it would be worth trying one of those while I get this all under control. He says, yes, there are more targeted beta blockers. Ok, cool, because I'm worried about the calcium channel blockers lowering my blood pressure too much. Him: Yes, your blood pressure would be a concern. Me: Ok, so is there a beta blocker I can try that wouldn't affect my blood pressure as much? Him: Reeee shots.

I never did get an answer out of him about whether I should try a different med.

Then he tells me he just wonders whether this is going to get worse, and I look right at him and remind him that I have told him, multiple times, across multiple appointments, that I have been improving, that several weeks ago I felt like I was dying, and now I can get out of bed quite a bit more and don't feel nearly as bad. But as I'm still mostly bedridden, and have been for three months now, could we please just try a small iron infusion and see if that helps speed up my recovery. I kind of want to, you know, go back to my life and job. He tells me if he's right about chronic fatigue and POTS, I'm going to be stuck like this for a long time. I have read a bit on both and am aware they are chronic conditions, but they are also managed through medication and physical therapy. I say, 'Yeah, but there are ways to manage those conditions.' (Btw, beta blockers are a common treatment for POTS.) He's told me I have two different chronic conditions caused by the Covid vaccine and given me no hope of any treatment and pretty much implied I am going to keep deteriorating and I am just going to have to wait for the neurologist to confirm, so I'm trying to prompt him into at least offering useful advice. He completely ignores me when I say there are ways to manage those conditions, does not reassure me at all, just starts in on Congress investigations or the doctor being 'persecuted' for inappropriately prescribing Ivermectin or whichever part of his rant he was on at that point.

He also actually DID admit at one point that low iron could be 'a component' of all this, but has no interest in treating it.

Also, why do these anti-vaxx people ride Ivermectin's dick so hard? Because Trump mentioned using it to treat Covid? This doctor has mentioned that he personally takes Ivermectin at almost every single appointment. Ok?? Take an anti-parasitic multiple times a week if you want, that's your business, what do you want me to say? Do you want me to ask for my own dose of worming medication so I can detox from the shot or whatever the hell you think Ivermectin does?

[satanachia666]

Hot take: Taking medication for mental health reasons is NOT the enemy of spirituality. Medication doesn’t inherently dull/reduce your intuition, psychic abilities, or spiritual gifts. In fact, in my experience, taking medication is an important form of psychic self-defense for many of us neurodivergent people. I find that when I take my medication, I’m more grounded, which helps me function better in both a worldly way and spiritual sense. Medication also makes it easier for me to use discernment and apply the knowledge I’ve gained as a worldly and spiritual being to my life. Taking my medication regularly has contributed to a lot of the progress I’ve made in my life, health, and spirituality. I’m far from perfect and still have my struggles, but I’d be far worse off without my meds.

I have no doubt that if applied without a bigoted lens, medical science, psychology, medicine, and medication count as healing magics in their own right. While it’s possible to experience problems with any of the aforementioned things, I’ve found that they’ve helped me WAY more often than they haven’t. It’s true that the medical world has a lot of catching up to do in terms of social issues, seeking unbiased research, and giving people the help and care they need. Nonetheless, I still got the COVID vaccine because the science behind it is MUCH more solid than any other available option out there, and I’m happy with my decision. Getting vaccinated didn’t reduce my spiritual awareness or intuition, nor did it change my DNA.

Any spiritual fear-mongering related to COVID vaccines is anti-science and harmful because it’s not only fake, but it actively discourages people from getting vaccinated for COVID or even just the flu shot. When less people get vaccinated, sickness is more likely to spread, especially to people with compromised immune systems. This is all-around Not Good. If this sounds like you, then at some point, you need to ask yourself why you need to do *this specific thing* (not getting vaccinated) to protect/cultivate your spirituality, when there are plenty of other ways to do exactly that without endangering other people in the process.

It’s not your fault if you can’t get vaccinated due to health reasons. I realize it’s not possible for everyone. But many people who aren’t getting vaxxed are not in that situation and are deliberately refusing to get vaxxed, including for spiritual reasons.

If you’re actively not getting vaxxed because you think not getting the vaccine will benefit you spiritually, you’re wrong. If you think not getting vaccinated somehow benefits the world, you’re wrong. If you don’t understand how refusing to get vaccinated when you can/should is bad for humanity (especially for people with chronic conditions and disabilities), I definitely question where your spiritual journey is taking you and what you’re getting out of it. After all, part of developing spiritual awareness is realizing how your actions impact other people.

I encourage all of you to question all anti-science rhetoric and conspiracy theories. While I don’t think the people who fall for these ideas are necessarily bad people, I think they’re misinformed to their own detriment. It doesn’t have to be that way.

Plus, I’ve learned that it’s much easier for ill-meaning entities and malevolent spirits to attack and manipulate people who aren’t taking psych meds when they actually need them. I’ve experienced this myself and I’ve seen it happen multiple times since then. Basically every time a person doubled down on not taking their meds, the more they were attacked and harassed by bad spirits and entities with ill will. Taking the right psych meds makes it harder for spirits and entities to aggress you. Don’t say you’ll skip meds in favor of psychic protection techniques when medication is already an important part of protecting yourself mentally.

If you’re someone who needs psych meds, then the stability you get from taking them will benefit your life, health, and spirituality way more than not taking them ever will. Getting vaccinated won’t change your DNA or hinder your psychic growth, but there’s a good chance it could either prevent you from contracting COVID or decrease the severity of your case. That alone makes it worth it. There are plenty of others ways to cultivate your spirituality and psychic abilities that don’t involve risking your life and other people’s lives.

Question anyone who tells you to forgo any kind of medical treatment or psych treatment you need in the name of their spirituality. They have their own agenda they want you to conform to. Cults often encourage people to refuse medical and psychiatric treatments in favor of prayer and other practices that aren’t science-supported treatments on their own. Science is its own form of magic and embracing it won’t hinder your spirituality.

[wytfut]

Covid is a live and well

As I stumble along thru life (thats everything, everyday).... last week I picked up covid for my very first time. Sigh..not a virgin any more...

No idea where/how/when..... but "boy howdy" I got it, and it hammered me.

Initially during the pandemic, I did due diligence by obeying the rules of engagement. Oh I wasn't good at it, but I did what I could. Even with my sloppy methods I didn't get it. Which in turn had me believing "I'm too good at this, to get it..." ..

.......

Information led us all to believe that the government had an SOP in place, and knew what they were talking about. Rules of engagement changed as much as Trumps advice to us all. Dr. Fauci the man in the know was whipped in public, .... his down fall being his speaking skills.

Examples in the early days sounded like a science fiction movie. I remember seeing a news interview with some guy, whos ends of his fingers had turned black (first and last time I had heard that example).

......

I knew several folks who lost their lives to this bug. So I realized it wasn't something to mess around with. Every loss was amazing, how quickly it took them. My 94 year old uncle was grading fields on Tuesday, and gone by Saturday (actual days don't matter now). It wasn't playing around, no matter what anyone believed .

Vac? no Vac? ..... covid really didn't care what your opinion was, she was random, and efficient

.....

I got all the covid vaccines. All of them.

Listened to many folks opinions about the vaccines. Good and Bad. I'll be honest, then and now, I still don't know if its the proper way to go with this battle. But I'll most likely continue... I don't have the answers..

The argument has been presented to all of us..... which is saying a couple of things. : Are we lemmings? and/or Is this natures way of culling the herd.

I think its applicable in theory.... just like the rules of engagement are in a sense "a theory".

......

Things I know:

It was horrible for 2 days. Something to the tune of influenza on steroids', with his big mean brother "fate" tagging along getting his kicks in. I'm on day 4-5 now, feeling pretty good, but on border of being contagious yet.

The medication Paxlovid seems to really work, but that dirty metal taste that is continuous, is wearing on my patience..... gag....

It truly does come on like severe allergies. I thought I had an allergy issue, as I had mowed a dry yard that very same day.

The fat guy in me, truly lost his appetite for 24 hours minimum.

I couldn't get warm one night. I couldn't get cool another. (I'm tired of flop sweat, so gross)

My Wife is my angel.... her real knowledge of this affliction most likely saved me a ton of grief. I so hope due to my nonattentive ways she doesn't get it from me....

I sincerely hope no one gets this from me.

I never lost my sense of taste or smell.

Here's an interesting one.... my legs quit hurting. Is it because I'm sitting around 24/7, is it covid reacting, is it the medication. Most likely my legs getting a rest.

......

My Wife unlike me, knows all the ins and outs of the rules of engagement of covid. I felt I too knew, but everything I knew was vague, and carried absolutely no weight in decisions. I depended on her to make all my decisions. And very happy I did.

Patti got covid just before Andy Latensers memorial service last December. I don't remember what grabbed her attention, but she felt she'd better test. And it was positive 2 times. She was very disappointed she couldn't attend the service. Amazingly, her symptoms were minimal at best. She didn't feel sick, and had nothing else other than a temperature.

As "they" say, it affects everyone differently. Many lives were lost that just didn't make sense, and others who you'd think for sure weren't going to make it.... it was a breeze. Makes no sense in this guys mind.

Just a guy being a guy, thinking he has out smarted life in general, ... but in reality doesn't know anything.

.....

best facts I could find:

you can be infected up to 14 days before showing signs

you can go back out in public 2 days after symptoms disappear or 2 clean tests.... basically 5 days after first symptoms

,,,

Looking at those 14 days.... I'm pretty much a home body, but wow, that was a lot of folks to look at. The morning before I realized I had it, I was at the geezers coffee, sitting tightly with a bunch of old guys. Laughing, telling stories, eating... not a care in the world. I most certainly hope none of them got covid. ....

I'd feel horrible....

[catboybiologist]

heyo, sorry if this is a bit of an uncomfortable question, but I've been thinking about it for a while. I'm really curious to know the opinion of a biologist with more experience (especially a queer one hehe)

have you ever faced any pressure like, "who even cares about your research on these weird bugs?" (a bit of a generalization on entomology, though it also kind of applies to my general interest in pursuing zoology) or "you do know you won't be making much money, right?", as well as questions like, "why don't you go in medicine? a career as a doctor is more promising, researchers barely get paid anyway"

and if you did, how did you deal with it? i guess my impostor syndrome never fails to catch up to me ahah, but it would be good to know if there's someone like this as well

Sorry I took so long to get to this! There's no way to answer this briefly, I think.

Yes, all the time. It's the curse of anyone in basic science research. Luckily, for me, I don't think that pressure has come from anyone who actually matters. Academic influences, and even my parents are very supportive of my career path (my parents maybe not so much supportive as much as "pressuring", but that's a different story). From more distant family, online, family friends, and random people I meet everywhere? All the fucking time, and its very tiring.

There's two very different issues at hand in your ask, though. The financial aspect, and the level of respect and understanding people have for basic science in the first place.

As for the financial aspect… I'm sorry. The reality is that yeah, you're not gonna make much money. But you have to ask yourself whether that's a priority for you. You'll definetly make enough money to live on, but it won't be a glamorous amount. You genuinely have to love what you do, and that can be a bit rough. But there's nothing wrong with that. There's a lot of pressure to choose the highest paying careers, even when its past the point of increasing your means. Its okay not to care. But yeah, unfortunately, no one's getting rich in field work :/

For the other aspect… that is a huge disconnect between the general public and science, and one that I think manifests in a lot of ways beyond even what you're saying. The value of basic science research is twofold. The reason most people who are passionate about the subject get into research is for its own sake- the world is cool! To me, inquiry and curiosity are one of the most beautiful things about being human, and is worth it for the simple sake of expanding our range of knowledge as a society. It's like asking who cares about some dumb painting while looking at the Mona Lisa. But, to be blunt… some people just don't see that. Which brings us to the other aspect: unseen utility. Basic science research saves the world. And that's not really an exaggeration. The example I've given so many people recently is COVID vaccines. mRNA molecules being able to cause immune reactions was a "who cares" research problem a couple decades ago… and look at us now. Oftentimes its not so one-to-one, though. For ecology, the bulk quantity of ecology research contributes to our understanding that ultimately guides how we care for the world. While its sometimes difficult to see how "those weird bugs" contribute to public policy and understanding, but "those weird bugs" alongside "those weird plants" alongside "those weird fungi" alongside "those weird rats" and whatever else, together, contribute to the net understanding of what areas need to be protected, what ecosystems are at risk, what ecosystems threaten human existence if they collapse, and how best to protect all of those. Research matters.

I'm picking nits, but neither sounds like imposter syndrome to me. In fact, I think it's kinda the opposite. I think you'll fit in just fine with entomologists, or other scientists in zoology, ecology, evolutionary bio, or whereever. A lot of them have gone through exactly the same thing that you are, from their early career interactions with friends and family to their later career interactions with the public and outreach. So in a way, I think that's your solution as well. If you take the first leap into your field, either declaring a major, becoming involved in a particular research lab, volunteering, or whatever else, you're going to start surrounding yourself with people who have undergone the same external pressures that you're facing right now. They'll intrinsically understand the value of the type of research you wanna do, and they'll also understand that not everyone sees it that way.

But getting to that level is hard. It requires persistence. But you'll get there <3

[wormeats]

I fell for propaganda and was turned against those I have always wanted to root for

I wanted to send this to the CDC somehow, but the email contact form on their website has a character limit and I'm incapable of being concise. I thought this might be helpful for some people to see because it took me a while to reflect on.

During the COVID-19 pandemic, living in Florida, being young and trans and traumatized by the current political climate and dangers posed by the pandemic, I was swayed by likely a mix of propaganda and a fear and anger response to the amount of stress that time came with. I found myself trusting in the CDC less because of several things that I never fully examined until now recently. It was all just a mix of fear and hopeless rage about public health and my fears about our political climate, and much of that was directed at the CDC. Upon examining this recently, I think this was because I assumed the CDC had more power than it may actually have in enforcing public health. I thought isolation periods could be more solidly mandated, that mask wearing could be solidly mandated, and so on. I assumed the CDC had more control over when schools reopened for children (I now realize a lot of this is controlled by states individually or even more locally), and in my fear of the pandemic and distrust in the CDC sowed by being worried about the country as a whole, I even failed to fully weigh the consideration that virtual learning has a significant impact on Anyone’s mental health and that for children especially, social and emotional development should be fostered and that is an issue that gravely concerns mental health extending to the rest of their lives. I thought the CDC could require employers to keep allowing employees to have sick days when testing positive, so they wouldn't have to make a choice between risking their job and livelihood versus strangers’ physical health and possibly risking permanent damage or death for some with no way to tell (I'm grateful that the risk has been reduced so much by vaccines/boosters and being cautious with masking and washing hands, but I feel it is so important to allow isolation away from work when it concerns transmission and health and recovery). I particularly was swayed more into distrust when I heard that Delta airlines wrote a letter asking the CDC to update isolation periods for vaccinated individuals who would still be required to mask, believing there was no new data to give confidence to such a change in recommendations (10 day isolation period to 5 day isolation and next 5 days with a mask), but found there explicitly was reasoning given on the CDC update from that time available to view on the website’s archives (these have been very helpful because the time of all of this was an emotional traumatizing blur, so specifics are hard to remember). Before I examined this all more after the fact, this led me to believe that the CDC was influenced by economic concerns and the workforce instead of public health and keeping those workers alive and healthy, and furthered my distrust.

I am glad that now I have further examined where this distrust has come from and found that it was irrational on my part, and I regret that I carried on with this tainted view of the CDC for so long. I have struggled with this because I did have a strong trust in the CDC and felt more unsure of where I should find reliable information, knowing the CDC certainly has more expertise than I and has likely devoted a lot of time and research to any particular consideration I might come up with. I hope if others were similarly swayed by political propaganda that sought to utilize fear and stress from the pandemic, that they too come to reexamine how they came to think that way and find trust in this institution of scientists who are clearly passionate about public health and finding ways to keep all of us safe with many unpredictable variables to consider. I feel very ashamed that I allowed my trust in the CDC to be shaken to this extent. I hope scientific research, public health concerns, environmental concerns, and any crisis that requires humanity to understand facts and cooperate is taken more seriously and listened to from experts in each respective field and not turned into political opinions one way or the other. I am so devastated by all the damage COVID has done that feels like it could've been so preventable if this didn't become a political issue and remained a public health crisis to work through cooperatively. I have now come to see that I think the CDC did as much as it could through all of this with all of the consideration at the time and with its limited influence amidst political stress.

Thank you everyone at the CDC, I am sorry that I fell for this propaganda, and I would like to talk to as many people in my life about addressing propaganda and fully considering that no one is fully safe from falling prey to propaganda and biases we don't realize are tainting our full view. Thank you again so much for everything incredible that you have done for humanity. Be kind to yourselves everyone, shit has been so hard honestly.

[afaimscorner]

AHS: NYC

Franky the most interesting thing about “American Horror Story: NYC” is the way people react to it. It’s a fact that the way a season of “American Horror Story” resonates with you says more about you than about the show itself, but with “NYC” we have reached the peek of this. Of course there is the thin veiled homophobia of those who hated it, but it is also interesting to see how many people generally did not get it. I mean, yes, there is room for criticism of course. Someone did point out righty so that the last two episodes feel very divorced from the rest of the the season, and of course they would, the serial killer plot ended with Episode 8 and the pandemic-plot had been on the back burner so long that no one really thought they would spend two whole episodes with pretty much everyone dying from AIDS in a very poetic way. I also think that many viewers honestly did not get that it was AIDS all along and generally thought it would turn out to be something else. And of course the issue with Big Daddy is that he is a metaphor for Death in general which did confuse some viewers because some characters that were killed by “him” did clearly die not from AIDS and some of those deathts never got resvoled, so yes, there were some - so to speak - plotholes and the last two episodes had no answers, not really. And I think many people also did not not want it to be AIDS, they wanted a Fantasy or Horror Version of it instead.

But this is the point of the season. “NYC” is the first really grounded season of the show. There is no real supernatural stuff going on, it’s magicial realism instead, and of course this would throw a portion of the audience. And of course some of them would get defensive about other people calling it the best season or even a good season, because in their eyes this does demean the Horror Genre and the rest of the show like: “How can death by AIDS be considered better than ghosts, witches, vampires etc.? Well of course you would say that because you look down on me for my taste because I do watch anything else but crime procedurals and soaps!” But there is literally no reason to get defensive. This is fucking Season 11! And with “American Horror Stories” now going on as well, we have literally had everything you can do with Horror done in the shows. “Apocalypse” was the big crossover season and should have been the end of the show, however they discovered they had not done a slasher season yet, so we got “1984″, but after that there was nothing left to tell.

So we got the weird “Doube Feature”, which was one of those Covid-Seasons, and the show still continued on, so it reinvented itself. It reinvented itself by doing a season of Real Life Horror. See, this season was very much a social commentary. And yes, after Covid, everyone and their father did a Pandemic Story, but Ryan Murphy decided to to a story about the other pandemic of our lifetime, the one no one is talking about anymore. And he did not to that because he wanted to educate Gen Z on the recent history of the world, he did it because this pandemic was something his community lived through and it was the scariest thing that ever happened to that community ever probably, because in case you did not know that: people were dropping dead like flies for no appearant reason for like a decade! “You think lockdowns and having to get a bad bad horrible vaccination were bad? Try being a gay man between 1980 and 1990!” is the message. And to make it even sacrier everything else was put in there too: a serial killer that targets the community, the hate crimes, the ignorance, and lack of BDSM protocol etc. This season, if you did like it or not, was the ultimate Horror Story because it was actual real life horror taken from the recent past.

I remember back when I watched “Apocaplyse” (which was in the winter right before Covid hit when something was in the air already) I was triggered really badly by the beginning of the season. This was the first and only time the show really did a number on me and the sacriest thing before that, the scene that haunted me the most, was way back in “Asylum” when Quinto did Conversion Theraphy on Sara Paulson. Why did those moments stand out to me? Because they were Real Life Horror Moments. I can deal with jump scares, gore, slashing, ghosts, vampires, aliens and all those things, but give me Real Life Horror and I am gone. And many many people out there are like me, if they want to admit it or not, they do not want Horror to deal with actual real life issues because that would scare them on a deeper and more personal level than any Torture Porn could.

Why do you think Steven King still is the undisputed King of Horror? Because he knows that it is essential to start out with Real Life Horror and then put a Supernatural Spin on it in order to get the catharsis the reader needs. And no one is better at this than he is. And for ten season “Amercian Horror Story” did exactly that and followed his example all eleven chapters of it at a time. But “NYC” did not do that. There was no Supernatural Spin, nothing you could fight in order to win, there was no catharsis, there was only death.

Does a story like this belong in an anthology show like “American Horror Story”? Maybe not. However this is not up to us to decide. It’s is up to Ryan Murphy, the writers, and Fox. They deemed it a good idea. Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe it was. Like I said, the show did essential end with “1984″, it will have to change if it continues, it has already changed. And it will continue to change.

It’s okay to say “NYC” did nothing for you, but it’s also okay to say it was the best season you ever saw on the show. Which is not okay is to attack someone for saying either of those things (unless the reasons for not likeing it are obvious homophobia). Like I said, the way you react to a season of this shows says more about you than that season.

My favorite season is “Roanoke” which says much about me but not anything about the season. Runners Up are “Murder House” and “Hotel”, which again does tell you what kind of Horror I like. Is “NYC” up there with the great ones for me? No, but it was both an important story to tell and a necessary developement in the history of the show. If changing the way the show works will not save it but rather end it, it still would have not been a mistake, just something they tried that did not end up saving the show from cancellation/ reaching its natural end point.

So yeah, that was my piece, I guess. Not that anyone will care, but I just wanted to put it out there.

(And, no, I am neither a gay man nor old enough to really remember the AIDS Panic, but I have that super power called empathy combinded with that superpower like backround called education by listening to other people, so yes, I will defend any story that obviously is something really personal to those who made it any time).

[firespirited]

Vague indefinable under the weather thing became a very defined half way down the head divide sinusitis mid morning.

It wasn't as easy to spot because there's just been ongoing 'ouch' of the head and face due to the neck issues but yeah you can actually see the swollen sinuses and that clear divide down the head is unmistakable. I really should have worn my mask on walks even though I don't approach anyone (except bully cops I guess) to avoid the pollen.

Then again, funny thing I went out with Sis this morning, it was cold so we were wearing masks for cold and the woodfires which give you a good lungful of nasty and we got lectured by a rando about how unnecessary it all is and how much money 'they' have made off this

and how his latest booster made him feel sick even though by his own admission he got covid the last time he went unmasked in public earlier this year.

I just cheerfully pointed out that the vaccine hurts less than the infection, masks are useful for more than just covid and thanked him profusely for doing his civic duty of masking in public transport and shops as an immunocompromised person. But like, dude, we have two really cute dogs and the weather's been interesting, half the country's protesting now that the government have shown they'd rather throw away democracy and our freedom of expression than tax a few corporations a little better (it is literally so little money that we could make buying back your own company stock from excessive profits illegal and collect double what's needed for pensions from just this year. The insistance that pensions must be funded by workers with no corporate or government help is stupid, the math indicated we won't be in the red til 2030 so tax some billionaires already, they can protest live in Monaco or Luxembourg (and get super bored and crawl back) if they insist on not leaving france's luxuries to far behind...

Oh look there so much to talk about that I got derailed (not that it takes much LOL) but mr man had to scold us for being silly gooses for wearing masks and tell us his incoherent but important thoughts on the matter. I know I'm probably contagious with a bad cold right now, didn't get to work that into the conversation though. Sis talked about how much more she's able to enjoy nature as an asthmatic since masks though so that was nice. We shot eachother a lot of subtle side eyes especially when he casually dropped that half the party he went to unmasked got horribly sick from that party.

If you feel like that dude, please do try different mask types and mask comfort aids. Everybody has to find what they can wear for long periods without pain. For me it's a China made K95, straps in the back, changed every hour so the sweat doesn't chafe my skin but I have to be really careful to not end up with an inperceptible flow of hot wet air straight into my right eye. Sis likes the fish shaped k94. Doc uses a duck shape for minimal face chafing.

I've put a few things on hold til my health gets slightly better. I really want to rework the neck on the lovely 1/6 bjd Maleficent sent and then paint her not with human blushing but like she's part of a crockery set. The one great auntie Francis left us a few years ago is a gold trimmed fruit motif and blue china is pretty but already done so I was thinking more along the lines of something with strawberries because I love her porcelain paleness and a strawberry motif would allow me to keep the face simple and stylized. (writing this down because ideas do sometimes spark during the SADS but I often completely forget them).

Jewel Richie had an 'incident' in the post and has been undeliverable since Thursday but amazon doesn't open the refund/rebuy options til tomorrow. I'll have to decide then. The vagueness of 'incident' made me think OK, maybe the roads/trains were blocked but the 'cannot be delivered' kind of implies the package got smashed up or in the same truck as idk a bottle of ink or something.

I think it's maybe why I had a doll dream, I imagined a rainbow high rolling into a roadside somewhere after someone forgot to properly shut the van doors or something.

Then again, I spent most of last night talking over (with my own brain) how the Shoah probably 'killed' Gd (mine the xian god who is supposed to have a personal relationship with people, not necessarily anyone else's - i can explain in detail if anyone is interested, the law of free will wasn't broken other xian specific things were) for me to an imaginary rabbi questioner (he was very nice, if pushing further than I dared to talk, in the daydream and had experience with christianity in the form of evangelicalism so I didn't have to explain certain concepts that are absolutely not in the Talmud and not really the new testament either.) and really felt my shame that a genocide unrelated to me shook a faith (xianity) that's a disrespectful sect of their faith. Nevertheless I was 10, and the idea that the gospels weren't the symmetrical conclusion to the Talmud was never in question and even considered blasphemy if I ever brought it up. I was such a different person by 14 then 16 facing it again. To think I thought jewish people were as brainwashed as I was into the belief that martydom is a noble death. Yeah I mentioned the nice fever dream about the dolls because many times sick musings end up in 'the roads not taken' , existential crises and lists of people who probably took years off my life. Fun stuff.

Lily is picking up this march, she is happy and well. I think she may have had a tough winter but for 14 she is very fit and still very much a mischief, she's started doing her upside-down dances, asking for fuss and thieving from my recycling bin again. I love her to bits.

Have a lovely day everyone. Stay safe and relatively sane ❤️❤️❤️

[mydaroga]

Hello! Since you’ve been talking about not using Spotify a little recently, I was wondering if I could ask what service to use? I respect Neil Young but it seems to me all the streaming options are hosted by shit corporations so if there’s one that isn’t, I’d like to switch to that!

Hi there! Thank you for asking. Before I answer, I want to reiterate that for what it's worth, I don't think any less of anyone for using Spotify--I actually do think it's the easiest thing to use out there and has some features I really miss! And it's entirely valid to make those considerations a priority, not that I expect anyone's too worried what I think.

So if you want to know what I'm going on about, see below the cut.*

Right now, I'm on Tidal, which claims to offer a higher percentage of profits back to the artists, but has had some issues with its numbers being questioned. The interface has also been problematic for me on the AppleTV app, which is annoying because those are louder speakers than my phone. I've tried Amazon, which was abysmal in terms of user interface AND crashed every time I left the app screen, and I find YouTube music difficult in that it makes no distinction between video and audio and has some cataloging/organization problems. I don't have an apple phone so I haven't tried iTunes or whatever it's called now. Honestly of the things I've tried, I miss Spotify, because the suggestions/generated playlists were generally better and socially it's way easier to share things with friends cuz everyone's on it.

That said, for now I'm sticking with Tidal because I'm not quite done hoping something else will present itself or the conversation will shift towards platforms being more cognizant of what they're enabling. That, and while I don't listen to a LOT of Neil, I want him to be available to me (as he is on all other major platforms, AFAIK. And yes, right-wing social media has tried to convince people he retracted instantly because of the money. Girl, Neil doesn't need it and he's a stubborn bastard.). I believe in free speech and in looking at all sides of an issue, but I don't believe that deliberate misinformation and dangerous shit-stirring when lives are at stake really count, so I personally don't believe that asking Rogan or others to be responsible citizens is "silencing" anyone.

*And for those of you wondering what on earth I'm going on about, last February Neil Young demanded his music be removed from Spotify after a series of incidents involving blockbuster podcaster Joe Rogan promoted Covid misinformation and vaccine skepticism. There's certainly an argument here to be made about what Spotify's responsibility is, and I have had that argument (mostly with middle ages white dudes while I'm driving for Uber or whatever) but the point is: Young took a stand and did not want to be included on a platform that refused to take responsibility for what it was supporting. (There have been other issues with Rogan and his guests in the past, and it comes down to what you think free speech should entail on a private/corporate platform, etc etc.)

[branded-perceptions]

Think about progress: does it advance humanity if we just keep creating more and more "diverse" products that with their core incredients as seen in food industries are actually quite similar just bra(i)nde(a)d with different stories, appearances and hallucinatory triggers?

And can we not imagine human progress, for example as seen in the movie star trek, that goes beyond "products" "profitability"?

The across all the worldwide populations' via covert colonialism agonising and conflict-creating myth of progress arises upon

more and more of our global workforce aspirations as well as the by that served market and voter demands

being shifted towards an economically exploitative elitarian hallucinatory matrix (🎶my dream - Akira the Don) of "hot" "trendy" NYC progress

(*Gary Vee talks about selling 52 Dollar smoothies in toxic plastic*)

detached from causal care and social imagination of utility of how we all as global average population

[of whom most can never afford, will and should never ever be peer-pressured to spend 52 US Dollars on a bra(i)nde(a)d hype smoothie while the from that profiteering adolf hipster can't even solve and warn about the side-effects of the by them similarly mindlessly peer-pressured C-19 vaccine: do you realise the repetitive insanity of such vain err mindsets? No matter what you do, people like Gary Vee seem to continue to be always so insane, "positively". We need to adapt our society accordingly. There was a time when people were allowed to drive while being drunk, then we changed laws. There was a time when we did not have psychiatry, now we have it. Use it.]

want to co-construct our causal lives through society whose industries all tend to act a little bit like the 🎶"MONEY SHOT💸💉💸 - AC/DC":

During last decades this mass insanity became obvious via the deceptive bra(i)nde(a)d food products' low quality incredients growing "bigger" and bigger people (obesity and chronic diseases) that then create "bigger" and bigger market demands for symptomatic treatments' subscription models that like C-19 boosters (🎵I GOT A GOOD PRESCRIPTION)

do not really focus on or are by the for that responsible people (🎵FOR THE STATE OF YOUR CONDITION) desired to in any objective way checked and evaluated

for solving the issues at hand that grow our economy "bigger" and "bigger" (🎵YOU GOTTA TAKE IT THREE TIMES A DAY)

of more and more of our workforce, jobs, aspirations and so on being occupied with that deadly zombified rat race of co-destroying all our lives (🎵OR AS MUCH💸💉☠️💉💸 AS YOU MAY)

for no sane reason at all but a shared chasing of a from causal life needs detached hallucinatory mind matrix status "heaven"🤥😷😇 (🎵GONNA SEND YOU ON YOUR WAY)

of similar like big pharmas' covid pandemic profits from rational means and responsibility checks detached economic measurements (🎵NOW TAKE THIS DOWN)

that "grow" as more of our population via "Gary Vee talks about positivity" get sicker and sicker (🎵LET ME GIVE YOU YOUR RELIEVE) and consume more and more regardless if it actually enhances and serves their quality of life or not due to lacking mimetic cultural mind pattern to collectively habitually introspect about these dynamics:

🎵I BELIEVE I SOLVED YOUR CASE.

What Galbraith failed to acknowledge is that the by that created social imbalance is not about a tension of the private and public sector but about overlapping dynamics:

as more misleading and vain our advertisings' vain err media misguide our propaganda entrainment especially regarding informed consent💉 as more corrupt politics become, not the other way around! Every politician has and will always have private interests because they are just human, and to some degree that is okay as long as they strive to more or less do their jobs they get paid for - and that, primarily, is caring about the public sector and NOT caring about the direction of our free economic markets' social imagination, that is what our advertising industries get paid for and they largely failed regarding the social responsibility they got paid for while via their pleasure bananas' psychological ID motivations as usual (🎵WE GOT A GOOD CURE FOR WHAT AILS YA) being like laughing killer clowns (*smiley Pfizer ads*) "positively" mindlessly hooked upon that (🎵IT WON'T FAIL YA) similar like during last decades in all sorts of topics without caring about morals, introspection or objective reality even if they got reminded about it for years and years, they simply do not care while like a laughing Gary Vee tearing society into their graves without that most of society are aware (📚immunity to change Robert Kegan) about the by that bent social imagination of markets like interplay of big food and big pharma:

🎵DOCTOR, WHAT'S THE ANTIDOTE?

If the public communications (🎵LADY, TRY THE MONEY SHOT)

of our as "hot" and "trendy" bra(i)nde(a)d hallucinatory hypes (🎵BEST TAKEN WHEN HOT)

of economic go(o)d(s) (🎵YOU GOTTA TAKE IT THREE TIMES A DAY)

would incentivise consumers and economy to focus on causal care (🎵OR AS MUCH AS YOU NEED)

then naturally also the DIRECTION🧠👅🧠 of the bribes of lobbyists would be more purposeful and as a result the personal interests of those in public sector would imitate the private sector more healthily in for average population less destructive ways.

This is what Queen Elizabeth has already hinted upon multiple times: no one cares. She, her intellectual friends or anyone could talk or "advice" the for economy responsible people but all they ever seem to do is to talk hot air shit: just watch Gary Vee content and understand the dynamics that "positively" via psychogenic madness put our

🎶money in the grave - drake

(🔍Queen Elizabeth II dies of broken heart💉💔)

To countervail that myth of progress we need to more purposefully leverage our new technologies to more efficiently (less bureaucratic corruption and waste) manage both the private and public sector towards advancing new types of public infrastructures:

think about all the streets that we have, they are not "profitable" in any way, but without them our economy and daily lives would not be what they are. The functionality of the private sector depends upon such infrastructures like from public sector constructed streets, public transportation or like in Germany the public universities that have no huge tuition fee.

We need to apply this also to areas like the online space to construct infrastructures whose main objective are not just "profits" like advertising revenues:

imagine decentralised and transparent evaluation platforms that via optional systems of independent laboratory checks offer complex insights into causal effects of thereby less bra(i)nde(a)d stories of causal economic go(o)d(s) and verified customer feedbacks that unlike Amazon reviews cannot be faked.

Imagine some evolving aspects of food processing, farming and food storage / distribution infrastructures that do not depend upon profits and are managed as public common good like streets, free for all if everyone contributes a few hours each year to their innovation and maintainance that become realistically scaleable via AI-TECH and robotics.

Imagine digital infrastructures regarding shared management of localised public duties similar like families mamage who shovels snow and who takes the trash out and who cooks and washes the dishes and cleans the rooms, metaphorically speaking regarding public duties, as co-constructing shared social contracts via elements of digital direct democracy regarding local communities entwined public maintenance jobs and health care whose huge need for support workers can be connected to social security, even replacing aspects of our insurance systems in ways that 20 years ago were not possible due lack of interconnectivity that we now have.

These things need to evolve slowly step by step via trial and error, incentivised by our monetary flows of our free markets - whose aspirations' social imagination thus need to be directed👅🧠👅 in a causally appropriate and less destructive direction.

[agapeeternal]

This is about the MAGA thing that keeps popping up. Please read through.

Glen does have a very republican family. His mother has worked for Republicans. She follows some very conservative people. It shouldn't be a surprise to anyone that a Texan may have MAGA family or even share some conservative beliefs.

That said, I don't think it's fair to judge someone's beliefs based on family. I know twitter and tumblr like to believe you should cutoff family that doesn't agree with your politics, but that just isn't reality for most people. Most people just don't talk about politics around their family if it's going to be an issue.

Also, in regards to the liked Anti-vaxx post. First, how the hell do people find this stuff? But more importantly, there are a lot of very liberal very alternative health people in the world. The reality is, that does not make someone immediately MAGA, despite what the internet says. Trust me, I've been dealing the vaccine hesitancy long before covid.

I know this may not be a popular opinion. I know people like to throw every stone they can when they decide they don't like someone. I don't know why painting someone conservative with no actual definitive proof, and in some cases a lot of evidence to the contrary became the new scarlet letter.

Sorry.  I'm from a very conservative area.  Most of my family is conservative.  I follow things to see what's being said on all sides so I'm never blindsided.  It gets frustrating to think per the rules they followed with Glen and even Keleigh, I'd be deemed MAGA.

Thanks.

This is really interesting and important. I don’t believe in guilt by association. I’ve got family members who have way different political beliefs than I do, but just because they believe what they do, it doesn’t mean that I do. So I think people really need to be careful when throwing this around.

[ear-worthy]

New “Chasing life With Dr. Sanjay Gupta”: What Is Our Relationship With Technology?

CNN, the media company, has suffered the slings and arrows of its new corporate overload, Discovery, declining ratings, and the continued wrath of right leaning voters, even though its coverage has swung more balanced and less Trump-phobic.

But that “series of unfortunate events” has not plagued its podcast division. Frankly, that part of the business is thriving with lively and thoughtful content, high-level investigative journalism and podcasts chaired by talented and experienced hosts.

CNN Audio has scored critical and listener-based hits with All There Is with Anderson Cooper, The Assignment with Audie Cornish, CNN 5 Things, CNN One Thing, The Axe Files with David Axelrod, and more.

CNN’s limited series, Tug Of War, was war journalism at its best, as the show covered the Russian invasion of Ukraine and ran from March 2022 until mid-June.

Listen to all CNN Audio content at www.cnn.com/audio.

On that note, CNN Audio has announced today that Season 6 of Chasing Life with Dr. Sanjay Gupta will premiere Tuesday, February 14.

In the highly-anticipated new season, CNN’s Chief Medical Correspondent, multiple award-winning journalist, and host, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, brings everyone to the microphone — from members of the Gupta family to content creators and medical professionals — to look for guidance on how to navigate a world surrounded by screens.

Gupta took a constant barrage of virulent criticism from anti-vaxxers, COVID conspiracy theorists, and anti-science advocates during the pandemic. Despite the poisonous nature of some of those attacks, Gupta remained steadfast and reasonable in his commitment to science-based treatments and support for vaccines.

In this new season, Gupta will ask: What is a healthy relationship with technology? Is there a way to be active online, but also protect your privacy? How are families approaching the issue of screen time with their children? Does a cellphone or social media ‘detox’ actually work? Dr. Gupta explores answers to these questions and more as he dives into deep conversations about what science tells us about how our phones are changing our brains.

“I am so excited to launch this new season of Chasing Life because it’s my most personal one yet,” said Dr. Gupta in the run-up to the new season. “As a dad, I’m always thinking about how to navigate screen time and its impact on my three teenage daughters’ brains. It is one of the most challenging parts of being a parent. It was important to me to bring them into the conversation and go on this magical journey of discovery together.”

Chasing Life debuts new episodes every Tuesday and is available to listen on CNN Audio or wherever you get your podcasts. The premiere episode of Season 6 is detailed here:

Episode 1: How to Raise Kids in the Digital Age

Technology has advanced at breakneck speed over the past decade. And that’s disrupted our lives — the ways we interact with each other, work, learn, and even grow up. This season looks at the impact all this technology is having on young people. Like many parents, this topic is personal for Dr. Sanjay Gupta. In our first episode, Sanjay speaks with one of the people he worries about most: his daughter Soleil. Plus, a conversation with Jean Twenge, Professor of Psychology at San Diego State University, about how social media is affecting youth mental health.

Listen to Chasing Life with Dr. Sanjay Gupta on Tuesday, February 14, after you buy your loved one a Valentine’s Day gift, of course.

[avintagekiss24]

Hi! I don't want to start anything on here and am always willing for civil conversations. At this point there's so much I've found out about Seb (besides the video he liked, the tommy lee thing, and the girlfriend thing) that I feel so guilty if I would continue to support him. I love him sm but it just doesn't look good rn. He is associated/follows an organisation (for helping veterans) that has posted a blue lives matter flag picture and who's co-founder has sexual assault allegations against him, and worked with him in 'The last full measure'. His friend Paul Walter Hauser has done blackface in the past, and when called out on it he just listed a few people that also did blackface. There's more, I found a discussion on here that I can link. I seriously don't support "cancel culture" bc I don't think it helps anyone but there are just a lot of 'mistakes' and shady people that can be linked to Seb, I wish it wouldn't be that way. I honestly don't know what to think about it anymore.

Hi! I’m also open to having civil conversations and I don’t believe you’re trying to start anything. I really do think this situation of dragging up a four year old video and taking it completely out of context is harmful not just to Black people, but to fandom/activism in general. This is gonna be long because I’m going to take your points one by one, and I want to preface this by saying that I will not answer any derogatory, sideways asks pertaining to this subject. I will delete every single one and will block your silly ass. I’m not going to argue with people who think I’m blindly supporting Sebastian because I’m just trying to get fucked by him, or people who think I hate myself and am trying to appease some white man.

So, on with the discourse!

The video he liked - this video was taken completely out of context and that is my main issue with this whole situation. It was not a video of a white man saying that he thinks he should be able to say the n word as everyone claimed it was. They were quickly debating on whether or not it's okay to say in rap lyrics. He was told no, that's not okay, that's never okay and they moved on from it. That's it. End of story. That somehow was twisted into a click bait style headline of "Sebastian Stan likes a video of a white man defending his right to say the n word" when that is absolutely not true. My other issue is that people are more upset that Sebastian liked the video than they are about the white man in the video literally saying the n word. So, do you really care about the use of the n word like you're claiming? Cuz if you do, you'd be more upset at the white man that said the word than you would be about the white man simply liking the video. Or, are you just using this as an excuse to grandstand against a white man you don't like?

The Tommy Lee thing - Sebastian Stan playing Tommy Lee does not make Sebastian Stan a bad person. Is Charlize Theron a bad person for playing Aileen Wuornos, a prostitute who started murdering men? Is Leonardo DiCaprio a bad person for playing a slave owner? Is Edward Norton a bad person for playing a nazi sympathizing racist? Actors play bad people. That doesn't mean that they themselves are bad people. 1990's Tommy Lee was a bad person, but that should have no bearing on who Sebastian Stan is or his character as a man.

The gf/Paul Walter Hauser thing - Why are we holding Sebastian accountable for what the people around him are doing? Again, why are we more upset that Sebastian is associated with people who have done questionable things than the specific people themselves? I'm not going to speak on the kimono wearing -- I'm not Asian. It's not my place to say whether or not its offensive because it's not my culture, but she posted that picture and attended that party before she started dating Sebastian, quite possibly before she even knew him. Same with Paul. I think that black face thing was long before he knew Sebastian. Now, if Sebastian was defending these actions, going around saying "I think it's okay for white women to wear Kimono's" "I think black face is fine" "I think white people should be able to say the n word" then we'd have a different story, wouldn't we? But that's not what we have, and that's not what he is doing. He is not responsible for the things his friends do or have done in the past just because he's more famous than they are, and he is not required to speak on them. Let's put it this way -- would you be comfortable having to be responsible for something a friend of yours did before you knew them? Would you want to have to be forced to answer for your friend when you yourself had nothing to do with the questionable behavior?

The organization that supports the military/blue lives matter - Sebastian cannot control what message that foundation puts out and it does not mean that he is or is not pro-police himself. There is not enough concrete evidence -- if any evidence for that matter -- that Sebastian is a blue lives matter supporter. Did Sebastian donate before they put up the blue lives matter post? Or after? I don’t know, cuz I don’t follow him that closely, but if he donates before they come out with a particular stance, that means he should be held accountable for that? I know I donated to an organization once and they turned out to support something that i’m 100% against. That means I’m a bad person because I couldn’t see into the future? Another point, how can we be certain that Sebastian saw the blue lives matter post in the first place? I know I’m not online 24 hrs a day, I miss posts all the time and I’m just an average person. I make three or four tumblr posts a day, and I’m gone. I have to play catch up on social media, and even then, I still miss stuff. So I’m sure the same happens to a working actor. As for the co-founder, I don't know who this person is and would rather not get into any allegations against them because I don't want to trigger anyone who comes across this post. If Sebastian knows about these allegations, is a willing participant/supporter of this person then yeah, that's pretty shitty, but we don't know the inner workings of this friendship/acquaintance/work relationship. We don’t know how close they are or if they even still speak.

I’m a pretty big fan of Don Cheadle. He’s a stand up guy, he’s a great actor, he’s funny, he’s political and stands up for what he believes in and in a very public way. I support him. Don Cheadle is also friends with Chris Evans, RDJ, Mark Ruffalo, and Letitia Wright (just to name a few). Chris Evans has a bipartisan forum that highlights/promotes right wing politicians, RDJ defended Chris Pratt during the whole “he’s the worst Chris in Hollywood” crap, who’s technically done black face, and who once said to a female reporter “nice tits” when she walked into the room, Mark Ruffalo just walked back his support of Palestine, and Letitia Wright retweeted/supported an anti-vaxxer/anti-trans Pastor who equated an ingredient of the covid vaccine to the devil because it contained some parts of the word Lucifer. Does that mean Don is now a bad person because he’s friends with these people? Why isn’t he getting any heat for his friendships with them? Why isn’t he being held accountable for what they’ve done and said? Oh right, because he’s not a white fave. So people don’t care one way or the other, which brings me to my next point. 

I can guarantee you that if Sebastian’s gf or Paul or this co-founder were not associated with Sebastian in any way, nobody would give a shit about her wearing a kimono, about Paul doing black face, or about the co-founder/organization being blue lives matter supporters and in that lies the actual problem. Being critical of people and their actions should be consistent and should happen all the time -- not just when they interact with your white fave. That’s when it becomes performative and looks like you just want to be able to show internet people that you follow/support/stan unproblematic celebrities, when really, you don’t care.

I think the moral of this post is that I think it's unfair to hold a complete stranger to a standard that I cannot hold myself to. I also don't view celebrities the way most teenagers/twenty somethings do, and that’s because when I entered fandom we didn't have social media, so I grew up with a wall between myself and said celebrities. There is no wall now with the presence of social media. "Fans" nowadays have a weird ownership feeling over celebrities because they can read their personal thoughts or view personal pictures and think that they have this personal quasi-friendship with them. I can't get on board with that. I prefer having the wall and I still keep the wall.

If supporting Sebastian makes you uncomfortable, then by all means, stop supporting him. Just make sure you are making this decision for yourself based on credible sources and concrete evidence and that you're not letting this fake woke activist mob make you feel uncomfortable. Internet activism means nothing unless you put your money where your mouth is in your real life and 90% of the social justice internet warriors do not. Real activism is bigger than changing your avi to a black square.

[k3rm1e]

hello!! i hope its not much of a bother but could you write tommy x reader whos lovelanguage is quality time? ( platonic ofc ) also i hope you are having a good day :D

spend time with you

hello!! i hope its not much of a bother but could you write tommy x reader whos lovelanguage is quality time? ( platonic ofc ) also i hope you are having a good day :D

hi!! of course it’s not a bother, i’d be happy to write this :) since you didn’t put whether you wanted headcanons or a oneshot, i just went with a oneshot, if you want headcanons instead i’m perfectly fine with writing some <3

cw: cursing 

spend time with you:

  so, you were bored. and lonely. it wasn’t a big deal. you mean, it shouldn't be one. everyone gets lonely and bored, and sometimes the easiest solution is sitting in angst. so as much as try to wallow in solitude, the brain screams for a solution to the isolation. so there’s discord calls and tommyinnit.

  crawling off the hardwood floor, you walked over to your pc setup. you should stream. instead, you logged onto a random parkour server and called tommy. after a few seconds, he answered. “hey tom.”.

  “hello, bitch. what’s up?” tommy replied in a fake angry tone, before reverting back to his usual joking sound. even through his light and airy voice, you could hear the hidden concern. he worried too much, in your opinion. maybe, your brain reasoned back, there was a good reason for his worry.

  “nothing really. just bored, haven’t been out in a while. i’ve been doing in-person learning for a bit. haven’t had much time to talk to you all.” you had a calm facade, a facade that was thin enough for tommy to catch the lonely undertones in your words. you hadn’t been talking to people much, with school and testing. and it’s not like you had any friends from your school, that dream was whipped into the trashcan and then set on fire the moment you began to play video games on the internet for anyone to see. sure, some kids found it cool, but would they actually approach the silent kid to talk to them? no, of course not.

  “oh man, that sucks. have you been out much at all?” when you told him you hadn’t, you heard a thoughtful humming sound through the headphones. “well, you’re free this weekend, right? it’s only like a two hour drive from your place to mine.” the way he approached the idea of meeting up so casually, it was astounding to you. sure, you had gotten the vaccine so there were no covid issues, but meeting with someone you had been friends with online for a while now was a big deal. or maybe it wasn’t and your head had just taken it all in weird.

  “tommy, that is a big deal, you realize that right? for me to just go to your place, that needs planning.” you tried to play it off like he never excited you, like you were as casual about this.

  “oh, come on. planning isn’t that big a deal, besides, i wanna spend time with you!” his voice had risen, and you were once again astounded by the kid you were on call with.

  “yes, tom, i want to spend time with you, but i- i dunno, this is all sudden. i wouldn’t want to impose on you, or, or your family at all.”.

  “seriously, you think you’re gonna be imposing? my mother likes you more than she likes me, the only people you’d be imposing on are betty and walter. and as an act of forgiveness, you can take them on walks.” he had a confident voice, and you laughed.

  “ok, ok, tom. i’ll see, ask the parents.” he muttered a “good”, and the conversation topic had switched to what you would do if you did visit him.

  when you asked your parents about it, there was some confusion but with much pleading and phone calls back and forth between the adults, the ultimate decision had finally been reached. you were able to visit him for the weekend. after a long car ride and reassurances you would behave, you were let out of the car and into his house.

  “tommy! hi.” you ran up to him and greeted him with a hug, trying to grasp the absurd concept that you had finally met your best friend.

  he pulled out of the hug and stared at you, “so, what do you wanna do?”.

  you guys ended up visiting the nearby stores and parks, filming it for the tommy vlogs channel. you ran around, finally feeling better. okay, so maybe loneliness wasn’t a constant and unending toture. if feeling like shit was the only way to feel this way again, you would feel like shit for every weekday.

  “...” you were laying in the grass at the dog park, tired after taking the dogs for a walk and running around with them playing frisbee. tommy flopped next to you, betty laying down with him as walter continued to run around. he moved his hand to pet the dog. “... hey, tom?” you turned toward him as he made a hum of silent acknowledgement.

  “... thank you. seriously. i really needed this, just to get out and spend time with you.” you wished you could put on a natural and laid-back tone, instead of making it so obvious how you felt, baring your soul to the empty air. you were happy, but this conversation felt like you were being torn into.

  “why the hell are you thanking me? we’re friends, why wouldn’t i wanna spend time with you? don’t do stupid, there’s nothing to thank me for.” he turned his head to look at you and his face scrunched up. “stop looking so emotional n’ shit. it’s weirding me out.”

  your nose scrunched up as you laughed at him, smiling again. “ok tom, ok. i promise not to thank you for anything ever, ever again.”

  you heard him start a rebuttal, “well there’s nothing wrong with thanking me for other things, as i am very amazing and above others …”

i hope you liked this! it was a bit more angsty than i planned for but still a healthy amount. bit shorter bc tired though, sorry! anyways, have a lovely day!

[asklittlepip]

And yes, I do mean madness.

The rest is below the cut, because this is long as hell rambling...

Tell me, how else do you describe somebody thinking that not only are their political opponents drinking blood, but that it’s also from babies they stole or even aborted for that sacrifice. Who think that Trump is actually blessed by and sent by God. Who literally pray to him and collect idols of him. Who thought that JFK Jr. was going to come back to life or out of hiding or some shit and would become Donny’s VP. Even though Trump was also somehow still President because fake election and Biden was an imposter as well?

Almost every single conspiracy, no matter how outlandish, no matter how many times it was disproven, taken as gospel. 5G WiFi and windmills cause cancer. Vaccines, not just the COVID one, cause autism or give you AIDS and worse. All of them. Every Democrat, liberal, or anti-Trumper is also SOMEHOW being paid off. Including me. All of it.

They believe this. I have asked.

Yes, I also asked them about the supposed “Soros Bucks”, and they insisted it was how I paid my expenses, not my, you know, disability that I’ve had for decades long before all of this.

...

How the fuck is that not a cult of madness? At what goddamn point do you have to cross before you consider it obsession? And I have to deal with several family members who are now like this! Of course, they aren’t vaccinated, refuse to mask up, and continue to join in large indoors groups with those who take zero precautions as well. Not like I’m vulnerable when they’re around, or my mother, no. I should just shrug and act like it’s no big deal, right?

And I can’t just refuse to see them because it’d kill my mother, as it’s related to her thrice-weekly dialysis and.. additional details that are private and none of your goddamn business. So, no, I can’t ignore this.

It’s easy to dismiss when you aren’t living with this shit. Get back to me when someone you love puts a complete stranger above all else, even their own sick children, who are being endangered by their behavior. Someone who has lifetime issues with pneumonia, is a smoker, and has heart failure thanks to also having Marfan’s Syndrome..

Naw, I shouldn’t fucking worry that she’s refusing to take precautions against a plague that attacks the lungs and is known to cause cardiac damage. Who wasn’t like this until Trump, and who, let me be fucking clear, literally praises as though he were a deity. Yet, never acted this way before and was even a skeptic of such nonsense before 2016..

It’s only my older sister. And brother-in-law. And their kids, my niece and nephew whom I love deeply and are having these choices made for them. And even more, but at least they’re far away and not AS bad; but are you suggesting I should just.. not care? It’s so easy to not care, isn’t it?

Fuck that!

Meanwhile, I’ll go comfort my father over another person he knows.. used to know.. who’s having a funeral because they believed they didn’t need a vaccine, even as it shut down their lungs. They did, however, believe in Trump and his anti-malarial and horse dewormer instead. Oh yeah, and before they passed, they infected their wife, who also died, and then his brother killed himself in grief over losing them both.

But “it’s not a cult.” You just know more because you do. More than those who’ve been in them before, and see the patterns too. We’re stupid.

I’m done. Try not to become the next statistic. Bye.

[madmadmilk]

ugh ugh ugh ugh i need to vent,, literally please feel free to scroll by

✨ lmao but if ur nosy or wanna give me advice, here are the main topics: covid, traveling, family, guilt, hypocrisy and how to make a damn decision and stand by it... ✨

lol okay here is the scenario (i.e. my POV): it's been a tough year and whatever through the pandemic. my mood, personality, productivity is unpredictable and i've felt isolated– but "safe?" i've tried my best to wear a mask, get vaccinated, spread awareness of my platforms– just been vigilent. BUT–– despite all that i got covid (prior to my first vaccine) cos a family member took a rapid test, came to my room to tell me that they tested negative... when it was actually to early to tell lol. i got covid just sitting in my room, working from home. lol i was fine, they were fine but that left a deep impression on me....

>>> anyway, i live in virginia. and now my younger cousin, who is like a sister to me, is having a baby shower in florida around thanksgiving. i... want to go, but i'm deeply terrified of 1.) flying, 2.) flying alone, 3.) flying during covid, 4.) covid, 5.) getting covid and bringing to to them, 6.) getting covid and bringing it back home, 6.) florida, and 7.) being around extroverts with no escape out.

i know, i know i know i'm an overthinker and anxious for no reason but like.... i wish wish wish it was a simple decision for me to say "yes, i'll come" or "no, i can't." but it's not, and i'm literally having stress dreams.

i feel like i've been a huge flake through 2020-2021, but there was a pandemic!! i can't even commit to things happening in 2022. i get so paralyzed sometimes, but also i wonder if i'm just being lazy cos i don't want to give any energy to think about it. and sometimes i wonder if i'm just a hypocrite cos i HAVE done things– just not as far as going to florida.

it's not an issue for me to go out and wear a mask; i've eaten at restaurants or watched movies. but i've still avoided MASS gatherings, a lot of inside events, and just people in general. i hate the societal prssure of "well, you're already vaccinated, you don't have to wear one". but??? why not wear one??? .... and then going to visit family who says that? i can't deal with it

((also i think only half of them are vaccinated there, despite being healthcare workers. i really really don't want to even be around that conversation, however petty that makes me seem. my tolerance for it is so low.))

AUGHHHHHH!!! i just wish this wasn't a big deal to me, or a big deal to my family if i say no– but i care a lot, and i'm horrified that they'd think poorly of me. idk.

most ppl i've asked has told me, "just don't go." and i have made peace with that– but my mom (who is a nurse lmao) is calling me a scaredy cat. like??? ma'am....

ugh it bothers me so much to the point that i ~hate~ myself for struggling. i feel like i'm whining and it embarrassing.

i'm telling myself that this is baby shower, a well wish event, and that i can visit them another time.

i don't know. i feel so shitty over all this. i feel like i'm overreacting and being a baby but– i just dont' want to ever roll the die at a CHANCE of trouble. and i just fucking hope and plead that this isn't me just shying away into my shell.

lol i hate myself, i hate how much echoing goes on in my head, and i hate that these years have divided us in more ways than one.

i'm not going to go, i'm going to draft a text right now and then facetime them.

...

..

....

anyway lol... advice? thoughts?

sorry i only post sad shit aeilfalfaw