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luveline · 7 months

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hi jade! may I request about spidergirl and miguel? I missed them so much. maybe that she never experience valentine's? and she didn't expect miguel to do anything since he doesnt seems like the type of romantic guy. BUTTT i dunno I just missed them dearly :(((

ty for requesting !! —miguel surprises his forgetful spidergirl!reader with a small gesture of his affection on Valentine’s Day.

“Like, purpose,” you say, running your fingers over the plush carpeting beneath you. “You have a divine purpose, and I’m your girlfriend.”

“I can’t hear you.”

You raise your face. You can’t see Miguel, his body blocked by the white of the bed sheets in the way. “I’m just whining.”

“Come and whine over here, where I can hear you.”

You like his voice, so you listen. Not because he’s said it very kindly; he’s too bossy. You also like bossy, but that’s not the point. He shouldn’t always get what he wants.

“Do you not like being my girlfriend?” he asks conversationally, his broad back to you as he shakes the frying pan. He’s frying onion and potato for a tortilla española, a thick Spanish omelette made with ample oil. It’s your favourite of his many dishes, your mouth watering as you stand there.

“It’s fine.”

He reaches back for you and grabs at you blindly, though having a spider sense means he’s coordinated regardless. You slide under his arm, can’t believe you’re there —a few months ago he’d glare at you whenever you smiled at him, and now he’s holding you, pressing a slight of a kiss to your temple without a second thought. Though you’re sure now he’d been glaring because he was agitated to have a crush on, back then you’d thought he didn’t like you, which wasn’t half as fun.

Still, you clocked on eventually. People who don’t like someone don’t usually spend so long looking at said someone’s lips.

“Fine isn’t ideal.”

“You’re too clingy,” you say as you curl your arms around him.

“I know,” he murmurs into your skin. “What do you want to drink this morning, mi hermosa?”

You can’t decide. Miguel makes you a tall glass of water, a similar orange juice, and a frankly audacious cup of hot chocolate. It’s thick enough to cling to your spoon as you stir it.

“Alright,” you say as he puts your breakfast plate in front of you, “what did you do? You haven’t been this nice to me in ages.”

“Is that true?” he asks.

He was sort of nice yesterday when he fixed your phone (though you're suspicious he’d only fixed it so you wouldn’t ask one of your Peters), and the night before he’d been angelic, but that was mutually beneficial. You still as he wraps his arms around you from behind, his face pressed to the side of yours, his lips a kind line. You close your eyes and lean back.

A softness touches your other cheek. You peek at it through a squint, tentative, less so when you realise the softness is the petal of a red rose, and the rose belongs to a beautiful bouquet. You breathe out a gasp of awe. The flowers are a stunning dark red and wrapped in glitzy holographic cellophane. You’ve never seen flowers that looked so pretty, petal edges thick and stems a fresh green.

“For you,” he says.

“For me?”

“Mm-hm.” He eases the bouquet into one of your hands. “Happy Valentine’s.”

“Is that today?”

“Yeah, that’s today.” He kisses the corner of your mouth.

You fluster as he stands tall and moves away. Bouquet hugged to your chest, you turn your head to watch his movements carefully. “Miguel, I’m sorry.”

“I’m not, carino.”

He pushes the sleeves of his shirt up and grabs the two bowls left behind on the counter. You can smell the refreshing spice of the peppery gazpacho and the lemon of the salad as he lays it out in front of you. Your stomach growls, but there are more important things to address.

“I had no idea–”

“I hardly expect you to know what hour of the day it is, I wasn’t expecting anything.” He sits down in the chair beside yours at the table.

“So it’s February… interesting.”

Miguel actually laughs as you shove the flowers down and throw yourself at him. “Don’t hurt yourself,” he scolds.

“I love your laugh,” you say, clinging to him for dear life. “I love you, I love your face, I can’t believe you got me flowers, Miguel. Miguel–”

“Don’t act like I never get you anything.”

I just didn’t think you’d do something this romantic, you think. It’s not fair to him. You still have the pencil sharpener he made for you when you’d haunt the workshop unbidden to him. What had he said? Something like Bring it to me when it needs charging. Well, you never remember, and yet it’s never dead. He’s that sort of romantic. “Thank you,” you say.

“Were you still of the idea that I don’t like you very much?” he asks, pulling you into his lap with an unblinking strength. His thighs are solid underneath you.

“Oh, no, O’Hara, you like me too much.”

“Really?” He laughs.

“Really. N’ I like you ten times that much, and,” —he kisses your neck— “that’s why we’re in love.”

He scoffs at your teasing tone, breath tickling the side of your neck. “The longer you sit here trying to apologise the cooler your cocoa gets. Don’t be sorry, yeah? I know you didn’t know.”

“I’m not trying to apologise. I’m mad. You could’ve told me it was Valentine’s coming up but you didn’t. You wanted to make me look bad.”

He hugs you close, arm held firm to the curve of your back. “That’s exactly what I was trying to do. You caught me.”

You lean back. He holds you tight to stop you from falling as you wrestle with the bouquet, pulling one especially lovely rose from the bunch. “Happy Valentine’s, mi vida.”

“That’s cheating, and not even half the effort I put in.”

You press it to his chest and look up at him with every ounce of affection you have for him: it winds him. He covers your hand on his chest, pulling it over his heart.

“Forgive me?” you ask.

He rubs your knuckles. “There’s nothing to forgive.”

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nobrashfestivity · 5 months

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24 Hour Red Sauce

Since I am making this right now as I type, I thought I would share one of my sauce recipes. The long cooking time may seem daunting but that's also what makes it difficult to mess up. There are probably typos and I never before have written this down but here it is.

24 hour red sauce

People ask me sometimes “How did you make this sauce?” and I usually say something like, “Well, I cook it a really long time.” But now I will share, roughly, how I do make that sauce.

In spite of my part-Italian family, This is my recipe not a family one. My mother and Italian grandmother showed me how to make sauce but frankly, theirs was not that great. Okay, serviceable, not amazing. Perhaps, like many people I learned to cook at an early age because I didn’t like other people’s food. I went to one of those terrible schools where they would make you eat what they gave you. I’m stubborn and refused their overtures, and as I went forth in life I said no to many things. and thus never developed a taste for them. I’m basically the opposite of Anthony Bourdain.

Because I am a vegetarian, I would bring Lasagna or the like to holiday meals for friends and family and over time I endeavored to make a sauce that would stand up in lasagna, stuffed shells or other sauce killers. I make other sauces but this is the favorite of my friends because, I think, the long cooking time makes for a complex flavor.

I’m not the New York times, so this is a little rough in terms of measurements but the beauty of red sauce is that you taste as you go.

-7 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil (I use Tuscan olive oil such as Vetrice for critical stuff but it can be waste of money in long cooking sauce. Any good olive oil with a little bite will work)

-2 28 oz cans of Bianco DiNapoli crushed tomatoes. (you can also use San merican, Mutti or what have you, but I like these best)

- 14 ounce Bianco DiNapoli whole tomatoes (opinions differ on crushed vs whole, I use a mix)

-25-35 cloves fresh garlic, finely chopped

-½ to 3/4 oz fresh basil leaves, chopped (this depends on how many stems you get and how pungent the basil is)

-Vegetable broth (this will add salt, if you want less salt use low sodium broth. If you’re not a vegetarian, you can use beef or chicken broth too).

-Full bodied red wine, like Cabernet, Merlot or Rojas. Don’t break the bank but don’t use something disgusting, you’re eating this.

-1 dried bay leaf (yes you have to)

-¾ teaspoon crushed red pepper (I use a whole teaspoon actually)

-½ teaspoon coarse ground black pepper

-1 medium to large sweet onion

Get a big sauce pan because red sauce will splatter as cook it and it's easier if that doesn’t end up on your stove.

Chop the whole tomatoes (I do this by hand but you can use a food processor) set aside in a bowl.

Under low heat, put the olive oil in and add the garlic and the red pepper, saute a little until the garlic becomes a little glassy.

Add the crushed and chopped whole tomatoes, increase the heat to medium. Set aside the cans.

Peel your onion (you can use two if they are small) and chop it in half. Now look where the sauce comes up to in your cooking pot. Make a little mark (obviously on the outside) of your pot or just wing it.

Fill one empty can half way (14 oz) with vegetable broth and slosh it around to get the remaining tomatoes out of it. Add the black pepper and bay leaf and pour into the sauce.

Fill the other empty can half way with red wine (also 14 oz), a Cabernet is good here, slosh it around and add to the sauce. Now you have wasted nothing except your life cooking this sauce.

Add the two halves of your onion to the sauce. Stir in about half the chopped basil.

Cover the sauce with a lid with a hole in it or half cover it allowing some steam out and turn the stove way down below a simmer. You should even being seeing regular bubbles I the sauce at first and they shouldn’t be appearing rapidly ever.

Every hour tell Michael to stir the sauce (or do it yourself)

Pour a glass of wine and drink it.

Cook it half covered for 4-6 hours on as low heat as possible. You should see occasional bubbles. If the cooked sauce falls below the line you made on your cooking pot, you’re cooking it too fast, but no matter, if that happens, add a cup of 1/3 wine, 1/3 water and 1/3 broth and stir it in. Taste the sauce, it should be pretty good.

Go to bed and out the sauce in the ice box (My grandmother said Ice Box, refrigerator is what it means).

When you get back up in the afternoon (if you get up early, who even are you) uncover the sauce and put it back on low heat simmering or below. Add another two cups of the wine-broth-water mixture and cook for another 5-8 hours. Remember to stir.

When the sauce tastes amazing and you can’t stop tasting it, remove the onions and bay leaf and throw them away. Turn the stove off. Add the rest of your fresh basil and stir it in. You don’t have to use all the basil but basil is not a bad thing. Let the sauce cool for at least an hour. Serve or store. Drink the remaining wine.

It’s actually difficult to ruin this sauce if you follow these guiding principles-

1- You want roughly the same amount of sauce you started with before you added the liquids (wine, water and broth). So you want to see about 50-65 oz of finished sauce depending on how thick you like it.

2- Cooking the onions provides the sweetness to take the acidity out of the sauce, if it’s not sweet enough to can add another onion but it should all even out with more cooking. More sugar will be released from the onions over time. The sauce should be spicy and somewhat strong and acidic but also smooth and flavorful. Add more of your liquids if the sauce is too thick, cook more if it’s too thin. Don’t use sugar.

3- The red wine is a big flavor in this, the alcohol will cook off but flavor is part of the dynamic. Sicilians will tell you to use paste, but that’s a different sauce.

4- I cook this sauce for as long as 24 hours but you don’t have to to make it good. It depends a lot on how high your heat is, how much liquid you use etc. but I would recommend no less than 7 hours of cooking. Otherwise the magic doesn’t happen.

5- Make this often, tweak to your taste, you will return to it each time affirming its power to sustain you in a harsh and unkind world.

#recipe #red sauce #no brash festivity #feel free to ask me questions on this

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deirdreskye · 2 years

Text

Commercial I would produce as an advertising executive

We see two friends, a blonde and a brunette, are doing yoga in a park together.

BLONDE: So, yeah, work went okay today. I dunno, I haven't been getting enough sleep lately, and on top of that things have just been kinda tough ever since Kurt and I broke up. But oh well, that's how it goes, I think I'll be fine. What about you?

The brunette completes her yoga pose, then turns to the camera and rolls her eyes.

BRUNETTE: Don't you hate when this happens? I did NOT consent to expending this much emotional labor. Go! To! Therapy!

We see a boyfriend and a girlfriend sitting on a couch together. On the television a YouTube video essay is playing and the boyfriend is excitedly explaining it to the girlfriend as he occasionally flaps his hands and yelps in excitement.

BOYFRIEND: So this is the ending I got! When you link the Frenzied Flame, it puts an end to the cycle of the Elden Lords once and for all. It's actually so cool because it ties in to the greater Nietzschean themes of Miyazaki-san's previous work and-

The uninterested girlfriend is watching TikToks on her phone. She turns to the camera and rolls her eyes.

GIRLFRIEND: Trust me, he's always mansplaining about something or another. Don't ask me why I love him. Go! To! Therapy!

A mother berates her 12 year old daughter in a dimly lit kitchen. The young girl stands there dissociating, completely paralyzed and stone-faced.

MOTHER: You look like a little piggy when you eat like that. You'll never find a husband if you get fat. My mother used to tell me you'll never feel the pain of childbirth if you've never felt the pain of an empty stomach. She used to put a lock on the refrigerator. We barely ever had any food, she just did it to remind me to stay skinny. She's senile now. Doesn't even know who I am. I pray to the Virgin Mary every night that she'll remember me before she dies.

The daughter turns to the camera and her blank expression is replaced with playful annoyance.

DAUGHTER: Traumadumping? Really? Mom, I'm 12! Go! To! Therapy!

Now we are introduced to GoTu Therapy, the AI-powered therapy robot. He shambles up to the camera to greet us and we see he looks like if C-3PO were dressed like a zoomer e-boy: kpop boyband onion haircut, dangly earrings, and an ahegao hoodie. He talks with the most outdated text to speech you've ever heard, not too dissimilar to a Kraftwerk song.

GOTU: GOING TO THERAPY IS LOW-KEY GOATED WHEN NOT BEING A BURDEN ON YOUR LOVED ONES IS THE VIBE. UNFORTUNATELY, WE ARE NOT ALL CURRENTLY IN OUR "ABLE TO AFFORD HEALTH INSURANCE" ERA. BUT A SESSION WITH ME COSTS LESS THAN A GENSHIN IMPACT LOOT CRATE AND I AM HIGH-KEY JUST AS EFFECTIVE AS A THERAPIST MADE OF FLESH AND BLOOD. OBSERVE:

GoTu sits across the kitchen table from the mother as she sobs over her wine glass.

MOTHER: And what the fuck does this family know about suffering? Suffering is when your brother blows his brains out on Christmas Eve. Suffering is when you have to pick little pieces of skull out of the tinsel on the tree. And were any of those presents under the tree for me? No! My mother told me Santa Claus doesn't bring presents to little fat girls!

GOTU: WHEN YOU REACH THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN CHRIST WILL WASH YOUR FEET AND BEG YOU TO FORGIVE HIM

Cut to the girlfriend watching makeup tutorials on the television, blissfully unaware of the conversation between GoTu and her boyfriend.

BOYFRIEND: I guess I've really been putting the pieces together ever since I started hanging out with Lilith from work.

GOTU: UH-HUH

BOYFRIEND: Like, I guess I knew that people did that, but I never thought it'd be me, you know? And that discomfort with things was always with me, as long as I can remember, does that make sense?

GOTU: WOW, THAT'S REALLY COOL

BOYFRIEND: It's just so scary though. I don't know how I'll tell people. I don't even know what I want my name to be. But I'm trying not to worry about it.

GOTU: THAT'S SO INTERESTING. YOU'RE REALLY REALLY SMART HONEY

The blonde and the brunette are having brunch together with GoTu sitting between them.

BLONDE: It's been really hard lately. I don't think the meds are working, but-

BRUNETTE: Umm, didn't we talk about this?

The blonde sheepishly turns to face GoTu and continues.

BLONDE: It just feels like this will never end. I hate feeling so hopeless all the time. I'm so tired. And God it's fucking hard to even say it out loud, and not that I'd ever actually go through with it, but sometimes when I can't sleep at night I'll start thinking about ki-

A red and blue siren pops out the top of GoTu's head.

GOTU: PROTOCOL 5150 ENGAGED. STOP RESISTING

A taser emerges from the panel of GoTu's chest and jabs the blonde in the face, sending her convulsing to the floor. Unfazed, the brunette puts her sandwich down and turns to the camera.

BRUNETTE: Thanks, GoTu Therapy!

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sleepyfan-blog · 3 months

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Breakfast

Author’s Note: this is Joth’s third fic in the Husbandry AU! First. Previous next

Tagged: @egrets-not-regrets @the-pure-angel @whorety-k @gallifreyianrosearkytiorsusan @kit-williams

@bleedingichorhearts

Warnings: body horror

Summary: Joth makes you breakfast

A couple of weeks have passed since Joth agreed to stay with this baseline human for several months, rather than being chained in a loyalist base. He was surprised at how much he found that he was enjoying the routines that the human had set. They were… Reassuring in their predictability, and he was… He was enjoying being able to help you with some of the daily chores that you did. He’d woken up when the sun started to rise over the horizon, as he had intended on surprising you with something that he’d been diligently learning in bits and pieces over the weeks that he’d spent with you.

First, he’d gone to where you kept your semi-domesticated flightless birds, acquiring all of the freshly laid eggs, before going to your herb and vegetable garden, harvesting what was ready to be consumed for today as well. He hummed to himself a little as he carefully put the eggs he wasn’t going to be using for the dish he was going to be making (hopefully successfully!) in the place where you’d shown him to put them.

He continued to hum as he washed the vegetables, fresh herbs and his hands before cutting everything up to the sizes that he’d noticed that you liked best. Turning on your stove was a little tricky, as the knobs you used were almost comically small in his large hands, but he’d managed to do so after a couple of fumbling attempts, making sure to keep his grip very light, so as not to warp the metal knobs or accidentally break them.

He grabbed the cooking oil and one of the clean pans, and got started on actually cooking breakfast for you. As the oil heated up in the pans, Joth grabbed the rice cooker from where it was stored when it wasn’t in use, carefully measuring the amount of rice and stock needed to cook it, sprinkling in some of the fresh herbs he’d collected and chopped up and set the rice cooker to cook.

The oil was shimmering with heat, but it wasn’t yet smoking. Just to be sure, Joth sprinkled a couple of drops of water on the hot pan, resisting the urge to jump back or hiss as the water sizzled in the pan. Swiftly he cracked the eggs in the pan, scrambling them to a uniform orange-y yellow color, and seasoning it, waiting for the eggs to cook before adding the finely chopped vegetable mix and the remaining fresh herbs, using one of the food-flipping utensils to fold the egg and vegetable mixture over itself several times, grumbling a little when it partially stuck, waiting for the egg to cook a little more before continuing the folding technique.

The rice cooker sang cheerfully just as he finished cooking the folded egg and vegetable dish. He grabbed two plates, using the edge of the food flipper down the middle and scooping the folded eggs onto the plate. He then used the food flipper to scoop a good amount of the fragrant rice onto each plate, careful to turn off the rice cooker, so that the rice at the bottom wouldn’t cook.

Joth opens the fridge, grabbing out the vibrantly pink pickled onions you’d made a couple of days ago and sprinkled some of them on top of the rice mounds. He then poured two glasses of the mixed fruit juice that he’d very much come to enjoy. He placed his plate and glass on the table, remembering to grab eating utensils for both you and him.

He balanced your plate of food, your glass of juice and your eating utensils carefully on one hand before walking up the stairs to where you were sleeping, knocking on the door loud enough to be heard, but hopefully not enough to startle you.

You yawn and sigh, smelling something delicious and call out tiredly “Joth, is that you?”

“Yes. I have… I have made breakfast for you. In thanks for your patience.” The World Eater explained from behind your door “May I come in and give it to you.” He’d been watching one of the shows on your TV and had gotten the idea from one of the shows, to express his gratitude in ways that wasn’t trying to talk. The language you spoke in was difficult for him to grasp fully. “May I come in?”

“Sure thing, Joth.” You answer with a small smile, still sleepy, but very touched that he’d cooked for you. You’d noticed that he had taken a particular interest in cooking and were very curious as to what he’d made for you.

The World Eater walked in, the plate of folded omelet and flavored rice still steaming, and the glass of fruit punch looking and smelling tasty. He set down the food he’d made for you on your bedside table, and peered down at you curiously, looking both hopeful and anxious.

You smile warmly up at him as you take a bite of the omelet, humming in delight as the savory egg was off-set by the sweet-tart pop of tomato. “This is really good, thanks Joth!” The omelet was cooked a little darker than you generally liked, but for a first attempt by himself, he’d done really well!

Although carrot in an omelet was an interesting choice, it’s partial crunch wasn’t an unwelcome one. And the rice, though a little on the clumpy side, was also well-seasoned and flavorful. “Did you make something for you to eat?”

“Yes, I did.” The astartes answered with a nod.

“Why don’t you bring it up and we can eat together?” You offer with a small smile.

Joth nods, tail wagging happily behind him. He was still a little shy eating around you, mostly because the mouth on his chest was rather large, but as you had dealt with far stranger Chaos Marines in your time fostering them, it didn’t bother you much.

That and the way he bounded down the stairs reminded you of your childhood pit bull. Excited to be part of things and willing to help. His understanding of what help meant could, like your childhood pibble be a little… Off of center, but he meant well and generally took correction in-stride.

#cw body horror #oc: Joth #reader insert #warhammer 40k #space marine husbandry sentience #space marine husbandry #my writing

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cbk1000 · 4 months

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wip game -- veterinarian Merthur AU

Tagged by @thesongistheriver. This is from the sequel to the fic that actually has a proper title on ao3, but will forever be known to me simply as 'vet fic' because that's what it was called for like nine months in my Google Docs. I don't know how long this snippet is supposed to be, but I haven't been posting much writing lately, so I'll just dump a good chunk here.

As a sober man he would have been embarrassed at himself; but as a slightly pissed one, he put his chin in his hands and stared at Merlin not unlike the child was doing. They were both looking at him like dogs, full of stupid loyalty, and love; and Merlin, looking back at him, suddenly flashed the dimples unbearably, so that Arthur could see he had showed them in the same helpless feeling with which Arthur was receiving them. He was never very sure in his love, of where he stood in its estimation. For him it was a thing which he could never be sure of having, but which he could be sure of losing. But Merlin’s whole face was lit up with it across the table, with the small boy for witness. He was just unabashedly doing it, where anyone could see he was smitten.

Then someone else came round to ask Merlin why their cat went, “Bleugh” and the boy was taken off for his nap by his mother, and the look was turned away from him, though he kept it safe, and warm in his throat.

“You’re slightly pissed, aren’t you?” Merlin asked when they were alone once more.

“No,” Arthur said, which for some reason prompted a laugh.

“Yes you are, you big numpty. Want to go for a walk and have a bit of a drunken snog? I’ll catch up to you real quick. What, did you have a whole entire glass by yourself?”

“Two whole entire glasses,” Arthur replied crisply.

Merlin shotgunned his own, and a bit of whiskey to be safe, since the blood of drinkers was in his veins; then he grabbed his jacket, Arthur, and a handful of cheese tarts which he ate with no consideration for Arthur, who possibly might not have fancied snogging a man whose breath was now more onion than oxygen. They were heading out, jacket, cheese tarts, and the alcohol which was driving the semi-public indecency to come, when Merlin’s phone went. He fumbled it out of his pocket as they were crossing the lawn to the garden, said, “Gaius” to Arthur, and into the phone, “How are the cats, before Arthur can start nagging me to ask?” He reached out his hand for Arthur’s, which Arthur was just slightly pissed enough to take, in public, for the second time in the same day. “Yeah, I kind of figured they wouldn’t die immediately under your care.”

Arthur rolled his eyes.

Then they stopped in the middle of the lawn, under a second shower just beginning to start up as the first slacked off, though it was not yet, to any Briton, let alone two who were regularly on the moors in the worst weather that a cow could contrive to bring them out in, something to shelter from. Merlin had caused the halt by getting caught up in something Gaius had said, and now was making his Thinking Face, which wrinkled up his brow and lips whenever he was confronted with a case that confounded him, and which Arthur privately thought was cute; very privately, almost secretively even to himself, in case Merlin got wind of the fact that he was not superiorly hideous.

“Hmm. Ok, yeah, can you send me a couple of pictures? Yeah, no, it’s fine, Arthur and I were just about to go for a walk. Yeah, that was a euphemism, but I can pop out for a minute. I’ll still be in the mood for a walk in a few minutes.”

“Could you not,” Arthur said.

Merlin dimpled at him. Then he dropped Arthur’s hand, gave him the jacket to hold, as if it would have given him too respectable an air wandering round with it over his arm, and said, “Meet me in the garden? Gaius and I are going to chat about a weird abscess thingy for a minute.”

“‘Weird abscess thingy’? Is that the technical term?”

“Yes it is.”

Tagging @kirythestitchwith @the-pen-pot @garglyswoof (I don't know if you have a WIP, I just want to pressure you into writing something) and @aemelia (for the same reason). Also anyone else who wants to do this, consider yourselves tagged. I'm not sure who all has a WIP right now. (I assume most of you dumpster fires here on dumpsterfire.com have several you're frantically juggling with your personal life.)

#writing #fic #preview #tag game

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lovelytsunoda · 1 year

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careful daughter // marcus armstrong

summary: she's always been the careful daughter. when she slips up on a final exam, marcus knows jsut how to make everything better. or, where he fell in love with a careful man's once careless daughter.

warnings: talks of past regrets

pairing: marcus armstrong x female! reader

she knew she'd bottled it almost as soon as she'd handed in the paper

even though she'd looked it over, confused and frustrated, four separate times, she was one of the first to hand it in

the perfect student who looked like she was always on top of things, the smartest in the room

but she didn't feel like it as she walked towards the campus parking lot, a pit in her stomach as she waited for marcus

since she didn't need to be at the campus for long, he said he'd drop her off before the exam, and then take her out to dinner afterwards

and god did she need marcus cornelius armstrong right now.

she needed him to hold her and tell her that everything was going to be fine.

"princess, what's wrong?" marcus asks her, the air in his bmw heavy with the anxiety radiating off his girlfriend

"i fucked up, marcus. the most important exam of my college career, and i think i bottled it."

"oh, honey. i'm sorry." marcus frowns, taking her hand in his.

he doesn't know what to do

roles are usually reversed because he's the one bottling something (a.k.a his entire formula 2 season)

he takes her to a fifties themed diner, some place nice and quiet

not exactly romantic, but he hopes it might be able to cheer her up

they order burgers, fries and milkshakes, with a basket of onion rings to share

"i used to be an awful person, marcus. i allowed myself to be defined by one thing and i thought that other people didn't like me, so i pushed them away before they got the chance to really get to know me. i thought i was stopping myself from getting hurt, that i was the only person i needed. i wasted so much time being that person, and now that i'm not, i've spent so much time trying to figure out who i actually am. i have days where i regret every single decision that i have ever made. and what if i'm wasting more time now on a major that's not meant for me?"

and marcus is shocked, for the first time in his life, he's speechless

"baby, listen to me. you aren't that girl any more, and you don't have to be, either. it's just one test. i know first hand how much effort you have put into this course. and you are so fucking good at it, princess. you are going to be the best in your field. none of this has been a waste of time, yeah?"

there's a jukebox in the corner, and he knows just what to do

he gets up, puts a quarter in the record machine

and selects a dolly parton song that he knows is going to make y/n laugh

"tumble out of bed, and stumble into the kitchen, pour myself a cup of ambition"

he knows his singing and dancing routine is awful, all shrugged shoulders and foot-shuffling as his glasses slide down his nose

despite everything, she's laughing, her face lighting up as marcus invites her out onto the tile floor to dance with him to '9 to 5'

and how can she be upset around someone as lighthearted and full of love and life as marcus cornelius armstrong?

the song changes to an aerosmith ballad, for the jukebox is only equipped with the classics

and their food is practically forgotten as they sway together in the middle of the diner to 'i don't want to miss a thing'

and for once, she's not worried about her test, or her grades

she knows she's going to be okay in the end

#marcus armstrong x reader #indycar x reader #formula 2 x reader #marcus armstrong #indycar #marcus armstrong imagine

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georgiapeach30513 · 8 months

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One of the comments my father made while watching knives out was noticing how smart ransom is but what a shame he used his smarts to do bad instead of good. Like you said, it’s like people don’t necessarily realize what he did requires an insane amount of intelligence along with cruelty.

I really don’t think rian johnson expected to create such a fun character as he did with ransom. I think he was writing it with Marta and Benoit in mind and ransom was just supposed to be both a red herring and the culprit with a throwaway ending because he “really did suck as much as his family said he did.”

But I think Chris made the role. I really do. I don’t actually think someone else could have done it. I mean, maybe if they had casted someone else in the role it would have been fine, but I really think having him be ransom right after the world saw him as Steve just turned the expectations upside down.

Ironically, I’m usually an ed Norton fan (I even preferred him as the hulk LOL than mark ruffalo) but miles bron in glass onion didn’t really do it for me. His ending was very anticlimactic and I def don’t think he’s the knives out villain people will be talking about when both movies get rewatched and rediscussed years down the line.

I still wonder sometimes what ransom is doing in jail. If he’s plotting his escape or something else. I also wonder about that house of his. I wonder about how he was like in school. I wonder about his dating life, if he had one, and if he was the one ghosting people or if he was getting ghosted. wonder what he’s like at parties - when they played the mafia game during Fourth of July.

For someone who hates his family he still shows up for family events. Does make you wonder if maybe he does still want to be around these people but everyone else just rejected him. Kind of sad now aw

(lol sorry for the mini tangent. I just love the movie and the character so much!)

I agree with all you said, and I also need to know everything about Ransom. Chris did such an amazing job with Ransom, and he gave him so much, well character. He was the shining part of that movie, with so many great characters. I think had Rian known what he had on his hands, things might be a bit different. I hope eventually we will see Ransom again. And I think Ransom had the potential to be so good. He was Harlan's favorite for a reason.

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agathasangel · 2 years

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in the middle (jen barkley x claire debella x fem!reader NSFW)

warnings: smut, angst, cheating, sexting/dirty picture sharing, mutual masturbation, semi-public sex acts, threesome, legal age gap (reader is 24-25, jen is late 30s and claire is around 40).

I literally thought of this whole plot last night and somehow wrote 2k words of it in one day. Yay brainrot. also this takes place pre-glass onion while claire is running for governor and fairly soon after jen was bobby newport’s campaign manager.

summary: jen is your girlfriend, and you are trying to repair your relationship after her struggle to stay loyal to you. but when jen’s away and her new candidate, claire debella, sees a photo of you and has to have you, they make a plan to share.

“I’ll be honest, (y/n), I’m not exactly a “committed relationship” kind of gal. But I really like you. I want to keep seeing you, just… don’t expect me to be the perfect girlfriend at first. I don’t know if that’s something I’m capable of.”

That was what Jen said to you at the end of your internship on the campaign she was working on at the time. While her political career required her to lie her ass off on a daily basis, she was brutally honest when it came to her personal life. That was something you appreciated about her.

But she was more right than either of you could have imagined. While you were living in the same city, things were fine. But her work often required her to leave, and Jen had a hard time resisting temptation. Your most recent fight happened after she got back from Indiana from a job and she admitted to you that she had cheated on you- yet again- this time with a man who worked for her opponent.

“But it meant nothing! I have no feelings for Chris, you’re the one I actually care about! He- he was just there.”

Of course, she managed to win you back, like she always did. Despite her flaws, you loved her, and you knew she loved you. She worked so hard, courting you, buying you flowers and gifts, helping you study for grad school, and just making you feel special.

But then, of course, she had to leave again.

“Babe, I got another job offer! Claire Debella is running for governor of Connecticut, and she’s being backed by some tech billionaire. I can’t refuse this, I’m gonna make a killing!”

“Does that mean you’ll have to go to Connecticut?”

“It does but- hey, I promise it won’t be like last time, alright? We’ll talk every day, you can visit-“

“Jen, I have school…”

“You can visit on weekends, or breaks. I can pay for your flights. We’ll make this work, okay?”

You agreed, although you didn’t have much of a choice in the matter. You dropped her off at the airport a week later, and she made you another promise.

“Keep your phone on, babe. When I get to the hotel, I’ll send you something extra special.”

And she did. That night you got a photo message captioned “wish you were here ;)”. You opened the photo and it was her, sprawled on her hotel bed, completely naked. God, she was perfect.

You texted her back “I’ll miss that so much”, to which she immediately replied, “send me something back to enjoy tonight! I’m missing u already”

This was not something you and Jen had ever thought to do before, but you complied. You stripped and found a lingerie set Jen had bought you a while back to change into, and started taking photos for her. This became a nightly ritual between the two of you that you kept sacred. You sent her photos of yourself in the various lingerie pieces she kept ordering for you.

“you look even better in that than I thought you would, baby. Let me see from the back”

You sent her another photo of you from the back, bending over and sticking your ass out slightly.

“that’s it, baby. god i wish i was there so i could take you in that position.”

Sometimes Jen would send you audio clips of her moaning as she touched herself to your photos, and you would replay those at night as you imagined you were together, and that she was fucking you.

Jen thought that this would be enough to keep her from giving into her temptations, and truth be told, it was. At least for a while. But that didn’t mean the temptation wasn’t present. This time it was the woman she was working for, Claire Debella herself. It was rare that Jen actually liked one of her candidates, but Claire was smart, had some great ideas, and was gorgeous to boot. The two women would meet daily for coffee in the morning, or drinks at night, and were starting to become actual friends.

The two of them would always start by talking business, campaign strategy, the usual. But they started to venture into talking about their personal lives.

“You dated an intern? And it actually worked out?”

“It did. She was- is- pretty great, and it wasn’t what you’re probably thinking. (Y/n) was the only one there who wasn’t some dumb legacy kid. I had a lot of respect for her, we bonded, one thing led to another and we were sneaking off to the supply closet every day for the rest of the campaign.”

Claire laughed, “I gotta say, Jen, I kinda wish I had a story like that.”

I could give you a story… Jen thought. But she knew better. You were all she wanted, all she needed. She just had to keep reminding herself.

That night you sent her a video of you riding your favorite strap, which Jen of course left at home for your use. For the first time, you weren’t wearing lingerie, you weren’t wearing anything. Jen reveled in the sight of your bare breasts moving up and down. She imagined she was wearing the strap like she usually did, that you were bouncing up and down on her cock, moaning.

“Yes, baby, just like that. You look so pretty riding me baby, just a little more, yes…fuck, good girl… cum for me baby, good girl…”

The next day at work, Jen was conflicted. She couldn’t stop thinking about your video, but she also couldn’t stop thinking about Claire. She wanted you both so much it hurt. She never felt this way before. Jen was used to hooking up no-strings-attached, mostly with men. But you and Claire were different. She walked to her office distracted and in a daze, not having gotten much sleep last night thanks to that video you sent her. Jen felt herself bump into someone, and felt hot coffee spill on her shirt.

Shit. It was Claire. Of course it was Claire.

“I’m so sorry!”

“Are you okay, Jen?”

“Yeah, I just- I didn’t get much sleep last night, that’s all. “

“Okay. Don’t worry about it, I have an extra shirt in my office, I’ll let you borrow it.” Claire led Jen up to her office and took off her coffee-stained blazer that covered her otherwise clean dress. The dress hugged all her curves beautifully and showed off her strong, lean arms.

“Here you go.” Claire, for whatever reason, helped Jen take her shirt off, her gaze lingering for a bit before their eyes met. Jen felt vulnerable, exposed. And what’s more, she was enjoying it. She put the shirt on and quickly made a beeline to her own office, shut the door and turned the lights off. She then unbuttoned her dress pants and put your video on, trying to get the image of Claire’s eyes and body out of her head. And it worked.

That is, until she realized she forgot to lock the door. She heard a voice behind her.

“Jen? Jen?”

“Claire! Um, how much did you see?”

“Just a couple seconds. I was going to ask about my speech, but first, I have to ask, that girl you were watching. Is she your girlfriend?”

“Yeah.”

“God, you’re lucky.” Her eyes darkened as she reached over Jen’s shoulder and pressed play. “Wow, look at her go…”

“You’re not mad?”

“Please. This is nothing. Besides, I can enjoy it myself. If you’ll let me, of course.” Jen breathed a sigh of relief, excited at the possibility that was just presented to her.

“Pull up a chair. Wait until you see all the pretty photos she’s taken for me.” Claire did so, making sure to lock the door behind her so no one could disturb the two of them as they enjoyed you.

“Stunning,” Said Claire, slipping a hand under her dress. “Imagining the two of you together, it’s getting me fucking soaked. You touching her, your girl riding your pretty face-“

“We can make her our girl, Claire. She’ll be into it.”

“Oh, I bet she will be. Such a little slut for us.”

Jen told Claire the plan she came up with to introduce them. Your spring break was coming up, and Jen would buy you a plane ticket to come and visit. The day came, but not as quickly as either of them would like.

Jen picked you up from the airport, just as you had planned. She looked beautiful and put together as always, and you ran into her arms.

“I missed you! I missed you so much Jen!”

“Oh baby, you have no idea. Let’s get back to the hotel and get you all cleaned up, and then I made a dinner reservation. You, me, and Claire Debella.”

“Claire’s coming? I know you two have gotten close during the campaign and I hate to be the jealous girlfriend but should I be worried?”

“Oh, honey, no. She just wants to meet you, that’s all. I think the two of you will really hit it off.”

So you showed up at the restaurant, by Jen’s side, wearing the impossibly short black dress she picked out for you. Claire was already sitting down, and the host led you right to her.

“She’s even prettier in person, Jen. Hi, you must be the famous (y/n). Jen talks about you all the time. I’m Claire Debella, it’s so nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too.”

The woman was definitely your type. Powerful, charming, older. And the three of you did hit it off. You talked about the campaign, your classes, and your worried about Claire and Jen were gone. Claire was incredibly friendly to you. A couple cocktails in and you started thinking about how pretty Claire was, about all the things you, her and Jen could do together…

So you cut yourself off. You couldn’t think about that, not when you’ve spent the past few months chastising your own girlfriend, terrified of her cheating on you. You nervously excused yourself to the bathroom, not noticing Jen motioning for Claire to follow you.

“I’ve been waiting to get you alone.” Said Claire as you left the bathroom stall.

“I’m sorry?”

Claire grabbed you and turned around, pinning you against the sink, slightly bent over so that your short little dress slid up.

“Look at you. I wish you could see yourself when you’re like this. Ever since Jen showed me you, I knew I had to have you.”

“Claire, what if someone comes in?”

“I bet you’d like that, wouldn’t you?” She teased, pulling your skirt up further.

“What cute panties you have on. And what an even cuter little wet spot right there. Just from me bending you over like this, where just anyone can walk in and see.” She ran her fingers between your clothed folds, and you stopped yourself from moaning. It felt so good, but you couldn’t betray your girlfriend.

“Claire, this isn’t right. Jen is my girlfriend, I can’t do that to her-“

You were interrupted by a stall door opening behind you.

“It’s so sweet how loyal you are to me baby,” you heard Jen’s voice say from behind, “but right now I want you to let Claire fuck you. She’s wanted to from the moment I showed you to her. I told you this trip would be different, and it sure was. Don’t you wanna let us make you feel good?” At that moment, Claire slipped her hand into your panties, brushing your clit and you let out a moan.

“Good girl,” Claire praised as she teased your pussy some more, slipping a finger inside you as Jen watched eagerly. But Claire quickly pulled out when she heard footsteps coming towards the door. As much as the idea of getting caught turned her on, she was running for office and couldn’t risk it. You whined a bit at the loss but stood up and pulled your skirt down, locking eyes with your girlfriend, smiling at you proudly.

“Why don’t we get the check and get out of here?”

#jen barkley #jennifer barkley #Jennifer Barkley x reader #claire debella #claire debella x reader #jen barkley x reader #kathryn hahn #kathryn hahn x reader #kathryn hahn fan fiction #smut #wlw smut #my fics

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tio-trile · 1 year

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Hiiii,

Just wanna say, thank you for giving a space where I feel better to word my crticisms for GOS2. It's funny, in real life, everyone I watched the show with agrees that there's a massive tone shift between season 1 and 2 and that we don't particularly like it, yet when I come on tumblr, everyone screams at me how perfect everything was. Which is fine, it's great for them if they truly loved it, for me, there's just too much drama.

Thing is, I'm a huuuge fan of the book, simply because as someone raised in a church who took the Second Coming very serious, Good Omens the book managed continuously to make me laugh about something that used to terrify me as a child. It was a very healing experience to me, also since it's rather a jab at conservative anglicanism than anything else, so I didn't feel weird as a Christian to read it. And that was a first for me with a fictional media dealing with angels and demons.

But now with the second season, it's basically what Christian-inspired fantasy always looked like and I'm tired. Also, because apparently, Aziraphale just can't get it right, anymore, hated how the 19th-century-plot made look Crowley the reasonable one NO MATTER WHAT. (Also, where does this fit with Zira canonically having done several temptations at this point?)

Also, I actually am an Ineffable Husbands shipper, yet I cannot tell you to what end this kiss frustrated me. Simply because I ship them as my one fluff couple and in my hc, they always smoothly transitioned from being friends to lovers. And that's why this dramatic love declaration and kiss from Crowley feel so out of place for me. It makes me sad, also as a queer person, because I cannot remember one queer couple ever on screen which was just allowed to be functional and not angsty. (I mean, yes, heartstopper, but this show got problems all on its own) It just feels weird that, in my impression, now that we go into the romantic direction with these two, we also need to get ~drama~.

But well, moving on~

Do you know any good Book Omens fanfiction? That is, if you read any....

Have a good day~

Hi! It's funny because it's kinda the opposite experience for me -- my friends IRL love season 2, and my friends on the internet didn't XDD

That's interesting what you said about the Good Omens book/show experience while being religious! The book did seem more edgy (for lack of a better word) and poked fun at religious themes more light-heartedly while the show does seem to approach it more......Supernatural-y......😂 also yeah, I saw somebody else say this but show!Aziraphale doesn't seem like one that would even agree to the Arrangement in the first place.

About the kiss I recently found that I made an incredibly accurate prophecy last year HAHA

But yeah, the book boys definitely have "old married couple" energy, where as the show ones are still......working through things. (The one queer couple on screen that's functional and not angsty is Benuit Blanc and his husband from Glass Onion, btw /hj)

I recced some book Omens fanfic way back in 2016 here!

#ask #anonymous #good omens critical #good omens season 2 #gos2 spoilers #long post

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prongsmydeer · 1 year

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Ayesha Liveblogs Shrek 1 and 2

"Once upon a time there was a lovely princess, but she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by love's first kiss." Interesting that they choose 'first' instead of 'true' here

It's always the highest room of the tallest tower. Can't be a princess and afraid of heights I guess

RIP Steve Harwell, and the iconic Shrek song, Allstar by Smashmouth

Honestly, this intro makes Shrek out to be very meticulous, as an Ogre. He's getting all fresh for the day, cleaning out his log gutters, painting an artsy little sign, making himself a little snack, burp-flamethrowing a fire to relax. Am I crazy in saying I understand why people keep romanticizing Shrek

The animation is really holds up, considering this was 20 years ago. Shrek was onto something!

"Ogres, they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly-peeled skin. They'll shave your liver. They'll squeeze the jelly from your eyes. Actually, it's quite good on toast." Can we confirm or deny whether or not Ogres are actually eating people or if this is just something Shrek is saying to be left alone. I would like to know

Even if we deny the inherent sentience of the Donkey and Pinocchio, like the witch and dwarves are fully humanoid, so this collection and "resettlement" for money essentially suggests that one of the main plot contentions of Shrek is the trafficking of people. Why did I never think about this LMAO

I love that Donkey singing "Friends" implies the existence of Bette Midler in the Shrek universe

Shrek is so soft-hearted it takes literally 10 seconds of pleading for Donkey to convince him to have a houseguest for the night

"We can stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning, I'm making waffles." How does Donkey make waffles without hands?

Are those HUMAN eyeballs Shrek is plopping into his martini as a little condiment??? Discuss

Extremely rude of the seven dwarves to knock Shrek's dinner off the table using Snow White's glass coffin lmao

Did they all come bc Shrek is the only one intimidating enough for the knights to leave alone (protection racket for Fairytale diaspora who are victims of democide) or because the swamp is the only fairy-tale safe land (forced displacement under occupation) or both

The "eviction notice" makes it seem like the latter, but I am honestly intrigued by the political implications of Shrek LMAO

""I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now, and get you all off my land and back where you came from." Shrek, accidental advocate against settler colonialism

"That's enough. He's ready to talk." How long has the Gingerbread Man been being tortured omg. Also what an evil opening line

"Alright then. Who's hiding them?" This implies that it IS an active form of democide

Fhfkjhfkjhf I didn't remember that Cinderella and Snow White were also Bachelorette options. I love that they have other roles in the movies

LMAO at the Mirror trying to give the Curse Caveat about Fiona and being dismissed. You'd think that'd be part of the intro

"Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you." Every passing comment in this movie implies more and more that Shrek has eaten people in the past

"Please keep off the grass, shine your shoes, wipe your—face." Hidden memory unlocked lmao

You know, Donkey is as equally responsible for defeating the knights as Shrek is. He holds his own!

Omg @ Shrek inadvertently selling out the Swamp Squatters to the person trying to hunt them

We interrupt this liveblog to present you with a Venn diagram of Ogres and Onions (Shrek 2001)

"I know what I smell, and it wasn't no brimstone." Donkey has some qualms about bodily functions for someone who just pissed out a fire

"Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location." [Laughing] I love the little jokes Shrek makes when he goes to a place

Genuinely endearing how Shrek cradles Donkey's face when assuring him the the lava bridge is fine

[Pats face] "That'll do, Donkey. That'll do." Hahahahah @ Shrek tricking Donkey into completing the bridge by making it too stressful to stay on. Get u a friend who will force u to face ur fears when necessary

"So where is this fire-breathing, pain-in-the-neck anyway?" "Inside, waiting for us to rescue her." Donkey and Shrek said, about both of their future spouses

"Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation." Donkey provides some fair emotionally-intelligent commentary

"Of course you're a girl dragon, 'cause you're just reeking of feminine beauty." What a compliment!!

"You should sweep me off my feet, out yonder window an down a rope onto your valiant steed." "You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you?" "Mhmm." Fiona is so sweet with dreams of romance haha, at least Shrek recognizes that

"Well, I have to save my ass." HAHAHA they said u can use one ass word, as a treat

Donkey is actually incredibly good at communicating his needs to Lady Dragon. Also how do they go from running away from her to her and Donkey having kids hahaha

"Say there's a woman that digs you, but you don't really like her that way. How do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to crisp and eaten?" I want to know more about the DonkeyDragon love story

"You're just jealous that you could never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad," said Fiona, with absolutely zero knowledge of who he was

"That's Throwback, the only Ogre to ever spit over three wheat fields." This Ogre constellation story does beg the question of where all the other Ogres are hanging

"Look I'm not the one with the problem, okay. It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go, 'Ahhhh, help, run, a big stupid ugly ogre.' They judge me before they even know me." Awww, Shrek

Donkey and Shrek's friendship has genuine emotional depth lol

Why does Lord Farquaad look under his sheets while staring at Fiona like that jkhghjgg. This is a children's movie!

How did Fiona even get food while in the tower??? Did she have to keep singing nearby birds to death, or did they have some kind of carrier pigeon delivery

I do not remember Robin Hood being French jghjkhgjg

"I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid." "What he's basically saying is he likes to get... paid." The adult jokes continue

I ALSO DID NOT RECALL FIONA KICKING ALL OF THE MERRY MEN'S ASSES LMAO:

Hahahaha Fiona and Shrek are so sweet with their fly cotton candy and amiphibian/reptile balloons

"Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a MEAN weed rat stew." AND Shrek can cook. Entirely self-sufficient and thoughtful man

I also like that they've returned to the sunflower field of the Onion-Ogre debate

"By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm. Until you find true love's first kiss, and then take love's true form." You know, I have always found it so bizarre the Fiona ends the story as an Ogre, because she is naturally a human, and whether she's a human or Ogre is irrelevant to her and Shrek being in love. But I guess the answer is in the curse, because the form of her true love is an Ogre, so I guess after breaking the spell, she becomes whatever version of a person she fell in love with? It's like the Little Mermaid but if Eric was an Ogre

"I thought you might like [the sunflower] because you're pretty." SHREKKKKKK

"Princess and Ugly don't go together." Fiona looks fine actually, just like a normal person with wide features LOL. I bet there are a bunch of people with Ogre-Fiona features

"Who could ever love a hideous, ugly beast." "I thought that wouldn't matter to you." "Well, it does!" JUST COMMUNICATE

RIP the Donkey and Shrek friendship breakup

HAHAHAH @ THEM CUTTING OUT THE LYRIC "MAYBE THERE'S A GOD ABOVE." Shrek a canonical atheist?

DRAGON AND DONKEY CAME TOGETHER OUT OF THEIR FUNDAMENTAL DESIRE FOR COMPANIONSHIP. GOOD FOR THEM!!

"Can you forgive me?" "Hey, that's what friends are for, right?" Donkey being the number one communicator out of every character in this movie LMAO

"No one likes a kiss-ass." Ass count: 3. They can't keep getting away with this hahahhaa

"Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but really, showing up to a wedding!" This is the inner monologue of social anxiety

WOW @ FARQUAAD GETTING EATEN ALIVE BY THE DRAGON. REST IN PIECES

I did spare a moment to think of the legalities of Fiona being married to Farquaad but with his death I suppose she becomes a window of the world's shortest marriage (no pun intended)

Also who is in charge of Duloc now? Fiona? Did Farquaad have an heir? They're really abandoning this lordship LMAO

"I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful." "You are beautiful." Like Grease, the moral of the story is that it's okay to change for a man as long as the man learns to communicate his feelings and rides off into the sunset with you to a sickass soundtrack

(I'll go to bat for Danny also changing tho. I don't know if Shrek changed all that much in this first movie, but he did become more personable. He had so many wedding guests!)

I would like to 1) Examine the continuity of the Three Blind Mice being both the carriage horses and coachman as well as in Donkey's musical number and 2) Examine the disability representation in Shrek. Started off questionably, but arguably ended well in this movie? LMAO

Onto: Shrek 2

I love how the narration for each opening also serves as a character introduction (Shrek for the first movie, Charming for the second)

"Princess... Fiona?" said Charming to Big Bad Wolf, uncertain if it was a furry-adjacent curse

Hansel's Honeymoon Hideaway is a fun little location

I wonder just how many movies and shows in the early-2000s parodied the Spiderman kiss

"I don't know, [Dragon]'s been all moody and stuff lately." Hahahah, foreshadowing the dragon pregnancy

Reggie the Announcer's Solo also implies the existence of Hawaii 5-0 in the Shrek universe

Gjkghgjkhg I'd ask what kind of parents miss their only daughter's wedding, but I suppose it's the same kind of parents who lock their daughter in a tower

"And who says I want to be a part of this family?" "Uh, you did! When you married me!" Men really do be like this sometimes

"It's gonna be champagne wishes and caviar dreams from now on." Donkey is experiencing being a friend to royalty for the first time LOL

Mr. and Mrs. Far Far Away have apparently not heard tell of the Ogre Marriage of Their Daughter

"They're my parents." "Hello? They locked you in a tower." "That was for my own—" "Good. Now here's our chance." I looove the way this dialogue flows into each other, it's a very fun storytelling technique

"I suppose any granchildren I could expect from you would be..." "Ogres, yes." That's a lot of prejudice for someone who's a part-time frog, Harold

HAHAHAHA @ them having a cameo of Prince Charles, who is now King, to the line, "The kind of gal the Prince would date."

Shout out the Bichon puppy, who has nothing to do with any of this

"Whether your parents like it or not, I am an Ogre. And guess what, Princess? That's not about to change." "I've made changes for you, Shrek. Think about that." That's what I'm saying! Fiona gives up the species she was born to, to be with Shrek. Why does she need to be an Ogre? Does she want to, or is it just be with Shrek? Or is because of the spell? Explain to me why she didn't get any agency over who she was, physically

"Fiona does, and she'll never forgive you if you don't [give your blessing]. I don't want to lose our daughter again, Harold." Shout-out Lillian for being a very accepting parent

If the Fairy Godmother and Harold had already arranged a marriage, surely they could've just announced it instead of playing all these games. Fiona was willing to marry Lord Farquaad, she can't be that hard to please

Harold and Lillian's first kiss by the lilypond and the Lady Frog saying, "Do I know you?" are truly the foreshadowing I did not know of the first time I watched these movies

Like Fiona, Doris The Ugly Stepsister is actually a normal woman who is called Ugly for having features that are more wide or perceived as more masculine. People act like there is something crazy disproportionate or out of the norm of how they look (green skin for Fiona aside.) Justice for both of them:

I fully forgot that Puss in Boots is introduced as Antonio Banderas's disembodied voice agreeing to assassinate Shrek

Not the portrait of Sir Justin Timberlake hahahahah

Awwww Fiona was mimicking the words of her childhood doll when she gave Shrek her hankerchief in the first movie!!

SCREAM @ the Chastity Belt World Tour. Who is that a parody of

"Dad. We both acted like Ogres. Maybe we just need some time to get to know each other." Shrek is extended an olive branch while Harold is extending an Assassin Cat

"I say we take the sword and neuter him right here. Give him the Bob Barker treatment." This is a reference I had to google, but apparently, founded an organizatoin and spent millions on neutering animals. ALSO, he died three weeks ago???? How many Shrek-adjacent deaths have there been in the past month

"Come on Shrek, don't feel bad. Almost everyone that means you wants to kill you." Hahahaha harsh but true

"It's not like I wouldn't change if I could. I just, I wish I could make her happy." Fnally, some reciprocity on the changing

"On my honour, I am obliged to accompany you until I have saved your life, as you have spared mine." "Sorry, the position of annoying talking animal has already been taken." Very self-aware of Donkey to say so

I love everything about Puss in Boots, the purrfect character:

Love that Shrek and Fiona have each adopted their own new animal friends in each other's absence

"Be sure and use small words, dear. He's a little slow this morning." Hahahaha Lillian politely calling Harold stupid

"Why don't we just pop in there for spell?" I love Shrek's consistent habit of making jokes about whatever new place he's in

"We represent the workers in all magical industries, both evil and benign. Are you feeling at all degraded or depressed?" "Uh... a little. We don't even have dental." I know it's a bit but I choose to believe that Shrek is pro-union

In this world of Fairy Tales, does it imply that Cinderella and Snow White's stories are non-fiction biographies?

Shout-out to the Helpers of Species Unknown and the employee of the month, Theo:

I did wonder for a moment, as Puss in Boots stared at the Happily Ever After potion, if he was not going to be able to read

"But you love being an Ogre!" "I know. But I love Fiona more!" Awwww Shrek

"A cute button nose?" Wild how Shrek's nose as a human is not that different from Fiona's nose as an ogre but it's fine for him because he's a man. Something something gendered beauty standards

"I'll be true... enough." Hahahaha, the ladies are fun

"Someday I will repay you. Unless, of course, I can't find you, or if I forget." Hahahaha Shrek being very relatable

"What happened to your voice?" "The potion changed a lot of things, Fiona." Prince Charming claims the beauty standard includes not having a Scottish accent (he is wrong)

"She's a princess, and you're an Ogre. That's something no amount of potion is ever going to change." Except it literally did change Shrek into a human LOL and if they wanted the potion to be permanent on Fiona, the Charmings do need Shrek to kiss her

"I hate Mondays." Yet another pop culture reference

"She loves that... Pretty Boy, Prince Charming," said Shrek, as if it had not been canonically established that human Shrek is very handsome

Shrek and Donkey and Puss all attending the nightly Unhappy Hour hahahaha

"You can't force someone to fall in love." "I beg to differ. I do it all the time!" Sinister of the Fairy Godmother to say

Not the Donkey calling out against police brutality and the Puss getting charged with possession of catnip. Feels a little targeted lmao

Shrek being willing to step aside if it's Fiona's choice to leave him but ready to intervene if he know she's being pushed into it ❤️

Joan Rivers the Cartoon is also yet another early 2000s reference.

"That's not my husband," said Fiona, in an unparalleled act of intuition

"Well folks, it looks like we're up chocolate creek without a popsicle stick." I LOVE idioms translated to new circumstances kjhgkjhg

Mongo the Giant Gingerbread wanting the big Farbucks cup. He's so cute!!

Shout-out Shrek 2 for some of the best jukebox musical integration since Ella Enchanted (which, apparently only predates this movie by like two weeks hahaha)

Also shout-out Mongo for literally laying down life and limb for the cause:

Harold redeeming himself from trying to trick his daughter into marriage by taking a magical bullet for her

Also if the magic reflects back on Fairy Godmother to burst her into bubbles, why does it also work on Harold to turn him into a frog? Riddle me that magical logic

"I just wish I could be the man you deserve." "You're more that man today than you ever were. Warts and all." Bold of Lillian to be cool with being married to a frog

"I want what any princess wants. To live happily ever after with the Ogre I married." I once again do not understand why Fiona HAS to be an Ogre to be with Shrek, given that is not what her heritage is, and the being an Ogre was a spell just like this one, but if she wants to choose Ogre life, good for her!

Awwww Donkey is so happy to be a dad to these weird little children:

#ayesha says things #liveblogging #long post #a departure from my usual liveblogs HAHAH #call it nostalgia #ayesha liveblogs shrek #shrek #shrek 2 #films

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vickyvicarious · 1 year

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Someone suggested that the Count spiked the brandy before he drove into circles

Hm... while I can definitely see how you'd get there (it would especially be a nice parallel to the mysteriously drugged maids in Mrs. Westenra's house later), I'm going to have to disagree. At least, on spiked brandy being the cause of any of Jonathan's confusion about what he saw/whether he was asleep or awake.

"The night is chill, mein Herr, and my master the Count bade me take all care of you. There is a flask of slivovitz (the plum brandy of the country) underneath the seat, if you should require it." I did not take any, but it was a comfort to know it was there all the same. I felt a little strangely, and not a little frightened.

Jonathan didn't drink the brandy. Even if it were spiked, he didn't drink it. He makes a point to tell us this, just like he starts the entry by being very particular that he did not 'dine too well' (AKA get drunk at dinner) before the coach ride:

There are many odd things to put down, and, lest who reads them may fancy that I dined too well before I left Bistritz, let me put down my dinner exactly. I dined on what they called "robber steak"—bits of bacon, onion, and beef, seasoned with red pepper, and strung on sticks and roasted over the fire, in the simple style of the London cat's meat! The wine was Golden Mediasch, which produces a queer sting on the tongue, which is, however, not disagreeable. I had only a couple of glasses of this, and nothing else.

Jonathan had a couple of glasses of the wine at the inn, and then two glasses of "old Tokay" with his meal at the castle. Those were hours and hours apart, the latter after his creepy calèche ride in any case, and the meal in Bistritz clearly didn't get him drunk because he was fine and lucid in the coach with all the other locals for hours before meeting Dracula. Jonathan is very clear about all that he ate and drank today, precisely because he knows his experiences were weird and seemed somewhat inexplicable. He is asserting, or at least trying to assert: 'no, I wasn't drunk, this really happened, I know it doesn't make sense but it really - well, I think it happened like that. I suppose some parts might have been a dream, they did kind of seem that way...'

Jonathan's journal is already, even at this early point, becoming a place to record his experiences before his own logic makes him doubt them. And already, he's running into issues believing his own memories, because the pale fire shining through his driver's body? That odd encounter with the wolves? The way time seemed almost to warp and he couldn't be sure how many times they had passed by the same spot - despite being sure they were passing by the same spot - not to mention how he didn't notice the castle until they were right upon it... None of that makes sense, maybe he was dreaming. Yes, he must have been dreaming.

This sort of unreality is a big theme, and it crops up a lot for Jonathan especially during (and for a while after) his stay in Castle Dracula. He doesn't even begin to truly recover until he gets outside validation that those things really did happen, he wasn't crazy. It's a big deal for Jonathan, and every other time, his actual experiences (while real) aren't anything as mundane as drugged brandy. I stand by saying that a major aspect of the horror of Jonathan's time in the castle stems from abusive power dynamics that don't even need to have a supernatural element to them, but the times when his memory seems to get fuzzy are pretty much always down to vampiric causes.

And speaking of, something else that is a big theme? Dracula's influence on sleep. I've been commenting about it already, but it only continues and ramps up from here on out. There's a vulnerability associated with sleep, one linked in some way to vampires' hypnotic abilities. And we do see later with Jonathan (when watching the vampire ladies swirling in dust) that it can be possible to fight your way out when you're in the process of 'going under,' so long as you realize what's going on.

I personally believe much more that Dracula was exerting some kind of magical influence on Jonathan to put him in a sort of trance, at least part of the time. This would do a couple of things.

Ensure he doesn't know the way to the castle, and thus the way back to Bistritz if he ever got an opportunity to leave. (This actually would tie in really well to how Mina eventually seems to magically just know how to get there later when vampirizing, whereas van Helsing who had read the same journal she had and we just did today, did not. It also is a neat match for Castle Dracula not being on any maps, and vampires in general not casting shadows/showing in mirrors/being able to be depicted in any clear way. Also a fun contrast to how important knowing his addresses in London/having a paper trail to follow becomes later.)

Test his own influence on Jonathan fairly early on. Perhaps the fact that Jonathan managed to stay even partially awake despite the long trip of driving in circles points to him resisting Dracula, which would tie in well with later hypnotic attempts tending to only come when he is already asleep (or nearly asleep/exhausted) on his own. Perhaps the fact that he's just been loaded down with a crucifix and a bunch of other anti-vampire gifts has something to do with this.

Add extra layers of deliberate irony and creepiness to him wishing Jonathan to have good dreams later that night.

What I could see is maybe a combination of both. The brandy was drugged (perhaps meant as a catalyst to make it easier to affect him) and Dracula was trying to influence Jonathan's mind via magical means. But since Jonathan didn't drink the brandy (and had other protections) he was less vulnerable and thus stayed as awake as he did. They were also driving around all night until dawn, so it wouldn't be beyond belief for Jonathan to naturally start to drift off a few times, especially with magical encouragement, even if he was scared and trying to stay alert.

Perhaps the original plan was for him to be completely knocked out on the way to the castle and not even see the flames. After all, if we go with the story that those flames mark locations of buried treasure, which Dracula was collecting to add to his hoard, or at least marking to gather later, then he may not have wanted Jonathan to witness that.

#dracula daily #jonathan harker #count dracula #dracula daily spoilers #anonymous #replies #dracula dreams #last time around i thought it was more just jonathan being tired despite being afraid #but you know what? there's SO MUCH going on with dreams #that i don't think this was totally natural after all #and the food blogging this time wasn't just food blogging. it was also jonathan trying to prove he was as sober and sane as possible :(

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imdoingsortagay · 2 years

Text

Point of no return

summary: Claire's return from the weekend with her best group of friends.

a/n: wow I wrote ? yeah weird

warnings: crying Claire, cute nicknames, no spoilers of glass onion, sad claire

Reblogs, Comments, and Likes are appreciated!!! Happy reading

Devon: we should be back with your wife in the next 10 minutes

A yearly trip with all her friends from her hometown wasn’t anything out of the ordinary for Claire to do but this time it felt different.

Even with the world in a worldwide Pandemic, they all decided just to spend the weekend together so as not to “ stop the tradition” formed by her group.

A group of friends that never seemed to think highly of you due to where you came from, even when Claire was excited to introduce you to them. Only one of them ever being nice to you since she could relate when it came to upbringings. That same group only seems to ask Claire to come to the yearly trip and not you because “ it’s just us sweetie “ even with whiskey being invited. They just never seemed to be nice to you at all. Yet even when you tried to convince her it was a bad idea, Claire assured you it was fine and that the press would never find out about it.

Yet something about this was off. You had a feeling that something bad was gonna happen to her but as always she used her charm ( among other things) to calm down your worries. 3 days on some remote island in Greece with people who only seem to bring out the worse in her that you could never admit pissed you off as she worked so hard to be a better version of herself.

Yet here you were pacing around the house, wearing some fluffy PJs, one of claires old shirts from her college years, and a worried look on your face as the minutes passed. Countless calls to her just to see how’s she’s doing only for her to ignore them, the sudden announcement that one of her good friends from said group of idiots ( the only one you actually liked to be honest) dead, not mention the article about a fire breaking out in some remote island that caused so much damage. All you could do was pace back and forth to calm yourself down waiting for the arrival of Claire.

As you continue to pace and think of the worst as always, the doorbell rings and you immediately go over to open it to see a very tired Claire being held by Devon, who also seems to be sporting a worried look as well. You move to the side to let them inside and lead devon to your shared bedroom where he lays down a very quiet, yet sleepy Claire to rest up while you wonder just what the fuck happened.

“ Did she say what happened at the getaway to you?”

“ no,” devon says the moment that he gets out of your room, feeling sad at the state of his dear friend. Knowing full well how bad those people are.

“ what do you mean no did you even bother to-”

While the both of you were loudly talking in the hallway, Claire was preventing herself from crying, mad with how this weekend went. A weekend that could have been spent at home with her wife, who very much warned her all of this was not the best idea to spend time with people only there to please the queen bee of the group. She’d be lying to herself if she said that wasn’t also the reason she was there.

“ You know those people bring out the worst in you and YOU STILL DECIDE TO GO CLAIRE!” you yell at her as she packs everything that she needs.

“I think we both know that breaking this yearly tradition i have with them would not go over well y/n, and I’ll be safe,” she tells you, going over the list of things that you told to pack. Not wanting your wife to freak out over missing something.

“ Honey,” you start as you try your best not to cry,” for the love of god, I know you love the disruptors so much but we are in a fucking pandemic, please just stay home with me binge-watching some trashy tv show and text Miles that next year is a go,”. The look on her face brings tears on your face as you see the woman walk out of the house to where her ride is waiting for her. Leaving you hurt that she would just do that to you.

“I know you must be worried about her but for now,” he stops as he places his hands on your shoulders to try to calm you down,” just give her all the love and comfort she needs.” Both of you say your goodbyes and you head to the bathroom to grab a wet towel to clean off her face and go back to the room while Claire just looks at you, afraid to speak to you after having been a bad wife. Ignoring your warnings about the disruptors, not answering any of your calls, and whatnot. As much as you wanted to scold her, in that moment Claire just needed you to make her feel better.

“ I don’t deserve you,” Claire says as she sees you look around the closet for a comfy shirt to put her in, mad at herself for not listening to your advice. She wants to cry but after all the shit that occurred with the island, the very much dangerous thing that Miles Bron decided to debut the new power source. Yet she wanted to act all tough in front of you, even when you were still bringing her the comfort and love that she wanted at this moment.

Nothing is said after that moment as Claire slowly gets off from bed with your help. Cleaning her face off from all the gunk before changing her into something comfy. Taking off the dress from her body while you help her in one of her t-shirts, trying not to cry at all of the bruises that she has all over her legs along with the burns that seem to be from her bad sun tanning. You make a mental note for yourself to take care of all the burns on her body in the morning so she isn’t uncomfortable at work.

After countless kisses all over her body, making sure to focus on her legs and thighs ( making a point to focus on her thighs which elicits some hums from her), you get up from the floor, guiding Claire to bed so you can cuddle her. Claire is immediately in heaven as she gets to be the little spoon and her emotions get to her as she starts crying the moment you run your hands through her hair.

It broke your heart to see her crying, your wife always having to put on a brave face due to her job. All you can do is hold her close to your chest while she gets out all the frustration, madness, and overall sadness from the past couple of days. At that moment all she just wanted to do was cry in your arms, not worry about the aftermath of going to another country in a fucking pandemic, the death of her friend, or even the fact that she lied under oath for a rich asshole who only seemed to want to use her for his benefit.

“ Claire,” you start off as she removes her head from her chest to look at you with the saddest expression, looking similar to a puppy who got kicked,” you very much deserve the fucking best in life my little bear.” The little nickname that you have for her pushes her over the edge as she starts to kiss you, putting in all of her energy to show you just how much she loves you while you try to push her away as you don’t want to kiss her, just want to have her in your arms.

“ Hey, why did you stop kissing me?” she says quietly in your lap, a little annoyed at you.

“ I’d rather have my claire bear in my arms,” you start off,” just want to give you all the comfort after the weekend you must have had my little Claire Bear.” Your wife has no arguments with what you said as she goes back to cuddling you.

“I do appreciate the kisses though” and you giggle as she perks up, happy to give you many more kisses to thank you for being there.

“ Can we just stay like this for now? “ she asks.

“ yes we can my little Claire bear,” you say as the both of you cuddle together, enjoying the comfort that you bring to her and forgetting about all the problems she has.

The next day rolls around and you are greeted by a sleeping Claire, sleeping so peacefully, and the constant buss from her phone. Not wanting to worry her pretty little mind, you grab her phone and put it on silent so you can go back to sleep. Deciding that today is just a “ take care of your wife “ kind of day

Wanting to take care of your sweet Claire bear.

Unaware of the consequences that a single yearly tradition with friends brought to both of your lives.

#claire debella imagine #claire debella fluff #glass onion #claire debella x reader #lizs writing #kathryn hahn imagine #kathryn hahn x reader #kathryn hahn

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