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prongsmydeer · 1 year

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Ayesha Liveblogs Shrek 1 and 2

"Once upon a time there was a lovely princess, but she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by love's first kiss." Interesting that they choose 'first' instead of 'true' here

It's always the highest room of the tallest tower. Can't be a princess and afraid of heights I guess

RIP Steve Harwell, and the iconic Shrek song, Allstar by Smashmouth

Honestly, this intro makes Shrek out to be very meticulous, as an Ogre. He's getting all fresh for the day, cleaning out his log gutters, painting an artsy little sign, making himself a little snack, burp-flamethrowing a fire to relax. Am I crazy in saying I understand why people keep romanticizing Shrek

The animation is really holds up, considering this was 20 years ago. Shrek was onto something!

"Ogres, they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly-peeled skin. They'll shave your liver. They'll squeeze the jelly from your eyes. Actually, it's quite good on toast." Can we confirm or deny whether or not Ogres are actually eating people or if this is just something Shrek is saying to be left alone. I would like to know

Even if we deny the inherent sentience of the Donkey and Pinocchio, like the witch and dwarves are fully humanoid, so this collection and "resettlement" for money essentially suggests that one of the main plot contentions of Shrek is the trafficking of people. Why did I never think about this LMAO

I love that Donkey singing "Friends" implies the existence of Bette Midler in the Shrek universe

Shrek is so soft-hearted it takes literally 10 seconds of pleading for Donkey to convince him to have a houseguest for the night

"We can stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning, I'm making waffles." How does Donkey make waffles without hands?

Are those HUMAN eyeballs Shrek is plopping into his martini as a little condiment??? Discuss

Extremely rude of the seven dwarves to knock Shrek's dinner off the table using Snow White's glass coffin lmao

Did they all come bc Shrek is the only one intimidating enough for the knights to leave alone (protection racket for Fairytale diaspora who are victims of democide) or because the swamp is the only fairy-tale safe land (forced displacement under occupation) or both

The "eviction notice" makes it seem like the latter, but I am honestly intrigued by the political implications of Shrek LMAO

""I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now, and get you all off my land and back where you came from." Shrek, accidental advocate against settler colonialism

"That's enough. He's ready to talk." How long has the Gingerbread Man been being tortured omg. Also what an evil opening line

"Alright then. Who's hiding them?" This implies that it IS an active form of democide

Fhfkjhfkjhf I didn't remember that Cinderella and Snow White were also Bachelorette options. I love that they have other roles in the movies

LMAO at the Mirror trying to give the Curse Caveat about Fiona and being dismissed. You'd think that'd be part of the intro

"Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you." Every passing comment in this movie implies more and more that Shrek has eaten people in the past

"Please keep off the grass, shine your shoes, wipe your—face." Hidden memory unlocked lmao

You know, Donkey is as equally responsible for defeating the knights as Shrek is. He holds his own!

Omg @ Shrek inadvertently selling out the Swamp Squatters to the person trying to hunt them

We interrupt this liveblog to present you with a Venn diagram of Ogres and Onions (Shrek 2001)

"I know what I smell, and it wasn't no brimstone." Donkey has some qualms about bodily functions for someone who just pissed out a fire

"Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location." [Laughing] I love the little jokes Shrek makes when he goes to a place

Genuinely endearing how Shrek cradles Donkey's face when assuring him the the lava bridge is fine

[Pats face] "That'll do, Donkey. That'll do." Hahahahah @ Shrek tricking Donkey into completing the bridge by making it too stressful to stay on. Get u a friend who will force u to face ur fears when necessary

"So where is this fire-breathing, pain-in-the-neck anyway?" "Inside, waiting for us to rescue her." Donkey and Shrek said, about both of their future spouses

"Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation." Donkey provides some fair emotionally-intelligent commentary

"Of course you're a girl dragon, 'cause you're just reeking of feminine beauty." What a compliment!!

"You should sweep me off my feet, out yonder window an down a rope onto your valiant steed." "You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you?" "Mhmm." Fiona is so sweet with dreams of romance haha, at least Shrek recognizes that

"Well, I have to save my ass." HAHAHA they said u can use one ass word, as a treat

Donkey is actually incredibly good at communicating his needs to Lady Dragon. Also how do they go from running away from her to her and Donkey having kids hahaha

"Say there's a woman that digs you, but you don't really like her that way. How do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to crisp and eaten?" I want to know more about the DonkeyDragon love story

"You're just jealous that you could never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad," said Fiona, with absolutely zero knowledge of who he was

"That's Throwback, the only Ogre to ever spit over three wheat fields." This Ogre constellation story does beg the question of where all the other Ogres are hanging

"Look I'm not the one with the problem, okay. It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go, 'Ahhhh, help, run, a big stupid ugly ogre.' They judge me before they even know me." Awww, Shrek

Donkey and Shrek's friendship has genuine emotional depth lol

Why does Lord Farquaad look under his sheets while staring at Fiona like that jkhghjgg. This is a children's movie!

How did Fiona even get food while in the tower??? Did she have to keep singing nearby birds to death, or did they have some kind of carrier pigeon delivery

I do not remember Robin Hood being French jghjkhgjg

"I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid." "What he's basically saying is he likes to get... paid." The adult jokes continue

I ALSO DID NOT RECALL FIONA KICKING ALL OF THE MERRY MEN'S ASSES LMAO:

Hahahaha Fiona and Shrek are so sweet with their fly cotton candy and amiphibian/reptile balloons

"Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a MEAN weed rat stew." AND Shrek can cook. Entirely self-sufficient and thoughtful man

I also like that they've returned to the sunflower field of the Onion-Ogre debate

"By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm. Until you find true love's first kiss, and then take love's true form." You know, I have always found it so bizarre the Fiona ends the story as an Ogre, because she is naturally a human, and whether she's a human or Ogre is irrelevant to her and Shrek being in love. But I guess the answer is in the curse, because the form of her true love is an Ogre, so I guess after breaking the spell, she becomes whatever version of a person she fell in love with? It's like the Little Mermaid but if Eric was an Ogre

"I thought you might like [the sunflower] because you're pretty." SHREKKKKKK

"Princess and Ugly don't go together." Fiona looks fine actually, just like a normal person with wide features LOL. I bet there are a bunch of people with Ogre-Fiona features

"Who could ever love a hideous, ugly beast." "I thought that wouldn't matter to you." "Well, it does!" JUST COMMUNICATE

RIP the Donkey and Shrek friendship breakup

HAHAHAH @ THEM CUTTING OUT THE LYRIC "MAYBE THERE'S A GOD ABOVE." Shrek a canonical atheist?

DRAGON AND DONKEY CAME TOGETHER OUT OF THEIR FUNDAMENTAL DESIRE FOR COMPANIONSHIP. GOOD FOR THEM!!

"Can you forgive me?" "Hey, that's what friends are for, right?" Donkey being the number one communicator out of every character in this movie LMAO

"No one likes a kiss-ass." Ass count: 3. They can't keep getting away with this hahahhaa

"Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but really, showing up to a wedding!" This is the inner monologue of social anxiety

WOW @ FARQUAAD GETTING EATEN ALIVE BY THE DRAGON. REST IN PIECES

I did spare a moment to think of the legalities of Fiona being married to Farquaad but with his death I suppose she becomes a window of the world's shortest marriage (no pun intended)

Also who is in charge of Duloc now? Fiona? Did Farquaad have an heir? They're really abandoning this lordship LMAO

"I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful." "You are beautiful." Like Grease, the moral of the story is that it's okay to change for a man as long as the man learns to communicate his feelings and rides off into the sunset with you to a sickass soundtrack

(I'll go to bat for Danny also changing tho. I don't know if Shrek changed all that much in this first movie, but he did become more personable. He had so many wedding guests!)

I would like to 1) Examine the continuity of the Three Blind Mice being both the carriage horses and coachman as well as in Donkey's musical number and 2) Examine the disability representation in Shrek. Started off questionably, but arguably ended well in this movie? LMAO

Onto: Shrek 2

I love how the narration for each opening also serves as a character introduction (Shrek for the first movie, Charming for the second)

"Princess... Fiona?" said Charming to Big Bad Wolf, uncertain if it was a furry-adjacent curse

Hansel's Honeymoon Hideaway is a fun little location

I wonder just how many movies and shows in the early-2000s parodied the Spiderman kiss

"I don't know, [Dragon]'s been all moody and stuff lately." Hahahah, foreshadowing the dragon pregnancy

Reggie the Announcer's Solo also implies the existence of Hawaii 5-0 in the Shrek universe

Gjkghgjkhg I'd ask what kind of parents miss their only daughter's wedding, but I suppose it's the same kind of parents who lock their daughter in a tower

"And who says I want to be a part of this family?" "Uh, you did! When you married me!" Men really do be like this sometimes

"It's gonna be champagne wishes and caviar dreams from now on." Donkey is experiencing being a friend to royalty for the first time LOL

Mr. and Mrs. Far Far Away have apparently not heard tell of the Ogre Marriage of Their Daughter

"They're my parents." "Hello? They locked you in a tower." "That was for my own—" "Good. Now here's our chance." I looove the way this dialogue flows into each other, it's a very fun storytelling technique

"I suppose any granchildren I could expect from you would be..." "Ogres, yes." That's a lot of prejudice for someone who's a part-time frog, Harold

HAHAHAHA @ them having a cameo of Prince Charles, who is now King, to the line, "The kind of gal the Prince would date."

Shout out the Bichon puppy, who has nothing to do with any of this

"Whether your parents like it or not, I am an Ogre. And guess what, Princess? That's not about to change." "I've made changes for you, Shrek. Think about that." That's what I'm saying! Fiona gives up the species she was born to, to be with Shrek. Why does she need to be an Ogre? Does she want to, or is it just be with Shrek? Or is because of the spell? Explain to me why she didn't get any agency over who she was, physically

"Fiona does, and she'll never forgive you if you don't [give your blessing]. I don't want to lose our daughter again, Harold." Shout-out Lillian for being a very accepting parent

If the Fairy Godmother and Harold had already arranged a marriage, surely they could've just announced it instead of playing all these games. Fiona was willing to marry Lord Farquaad, she can't be that hard to please

Harold and Lillian's first kiss by the lilypond and the Lady Frog saying, "Do I know you?" are truly the foreshadowing I did not know of the first time I watched these movies

Like Fiona, Doris The Ugly Stepsister is actually a normal woman who is called Ugly for having features that are more wide or perceived as more masculine. People act like there is something crazy disproportionate or out of the norm of how they look (green skin for Fiona aside.) Justice for both of them:

I fully forgot that Puss in Boots is introduced as Antonio Banderas's disembodied voice agreeing to assassinate Shrek

Not the portrait of Sir Justin Timberlake hahahahah

Awwww Fiona was mimicking the words of her childhood doll when she gave Shrek her hankerchief in the first movie!!

SCREAM @ the Chastity Belt World Tour. Who is that a parody of

"Dad. We both acted like Ogres. Maybe we just need some time to get to know each other." Shrek is extended an olive branch while Harold is extending an Assassin Cat

"I say we take the sword and neuter him right here. Give him the Bob Barker treatment." This is a reference I had to google, but apparently, founded an organizatoin and spent millions on neutering animals. ALSO, he died three weeks ago???? How many Shrek-adjacent deaths have there been in the past month

"Come on Shrek, don't feel bad. Almost everyone that means you wants to kill you." Hahahaha harsh but true

"It's not like I wouldn't change if I could. I just, I wish I could make her happy." Fnally, some reciprocity on the changing

"On my honour, I am obliged to accompany you until I have saved your life, as you have spared mine." "Sorry, the position of annoying talking animal has already been taken." Very self-aware of Donkey to say so

I love everything about Puss in Boots, the purrfect character:

Love that Shrek and Fiona have each adopted their own new animal friends in each other's absence

"Be sure and use small words, dear. He's a little slow this morning." Hahahaha Lillian politely calling Harold stupid

"Why don't we just pop in there for spell?" I love Shrek's consistent habit of making jokes about whatever new place he's in

"We represent the workers in all magical industries, both evil and benign. Are you feeling at all degraded or depressed?" "Uh... a little. We don't even have dental." I know it's a bit but I choose to believe that Shrek is pro-union

In this world of Fairy Tales, does it imply that Cinderella and Snow White's stories are non-fiction biographies?

Shout-out to the Helpers of Species Unknown and the employee of the month, Theo:

I did wonder for a moment, as Puss in Boots stared at the Happily Ever After potion, if he was not going to be able to read

"But you love being an Ogre!" "I know. But I love Fiona more!" Awwww Shrek

"A cute button nose?" Wild how Shrek's nose as a human is not that different from Fiona's nose as an ogre but it's fine for him because he's a man. Something something gendered beauty standards

"I'll be true... enough." Hahahaha, the ladies are fun

"Someday I will repay you. Unless, of course, I can't find you, or if I forget." Hahahaha Shrek being very relatable

"What happened to your voice?" "The potion changed a lot of things, Fiona." Prince Charming claims the beauty standard includes not having a Scottish accent (he is wrong)

"She's a princess, and you're an Ogre. That's something no amount of potion is ever going to change." Except it literally did change Shrek into a human LOL and if they wanted the potion to be permanent on Fiona, the Charmings do need Shrek to kiss her

"I hate Mondays." Yet another pop culture reference

"She loves that... Pretty Boy, Prince Charming," said Shrek, as if it had not been canonically established that human Shrek is very handsome

Shrek and Donkey and Puss all attending the nightly Unhappy Hour hahahaha

"You can't force someone to fall in love." "I beg to differ. I do it all the time!" Sinister of the Fairy Godmother to say

Not the Donkey calling out against police brutality and the Puss getting charged with possession of catnip. Feels a little targeted lmao

Shrek being willing to step aside if it's Fiona's choice to leave him but ready to intervene if he know she's being pushed into it ❤️

Joan Rivers the Cartoon is also yet another early 2000s reference.

"That's not my husband," said Fiona, in an unparalleled act of intuition

"Well folks, it looks like we're up chocolate creek without a popsicle stick." I LOVE idioms translated to new circumstances kjhgkjhg

Mongo the Giant Gingerbread wanting the big Farbucks cup. He's so cute!!

Shout-out Shrek 2 for some of the best jukebox musical integration since Ella Enchanted (which, apparently only predates this movie by like two weeks hahaha)

Also shout-out Mongo for literally laying down life and limb for the cause:

Harold redeeming himself from trying to trick his daughter into marriage by taking a magical bullet for her

Also if the magic reflects back on Fairy Godmother to burst her into bubbles, why does it also work on Harold to turn him into a frog? Riddle me that magical logic

"I just wish I could be the man you deserve." "You're more that man today than you ever were. Warts and all." Bold of Lillian to be cool with being married to a frog

"I want what any princess wants. To live happily ever after with the Ogre I married." I once again do not understand why Fiona HAS to be an Ogre to be with Shrek, given that is not what her heritage is, and the being an Ogre was a spell just like this one, but if she wants to choose Ogre life, good for her!

Awwww Donkey is so happy to be a dad to these weird little children: