#actor man posting hours

[teencopandthesourwolf]

THE OH HOECH-O-METER

too many buttons undone? CHECK ✓

ethereal looking eyes? CHECK ✓

heavy stubble/beard-lite? CHECK ✓

cute af bear ears? CHECK ✓

sexy prominent adam's apple? CHECK ✓

adorable bunny teeth? CHECK ✓

overall hotness levels above av— *thud*

[kyouka-supremacy]

I fucked up

[fandomestuff]

I've seen many people shit on the live action atla ((as we should this is such a bad adaptation and honestly a mid show in itself)) but I haven't really seen people talk stuff about Sokka and Suki

And I want to point out a couple of things that I absolutely hated about what they did to them in live action.

1. The kiss

I hate that they made them kiss at the end of the episode. I hate it so much. Like yes, in the original they both clearly had feelings for each other (especially that later Suki talks about losing sb very important to her, who we know was Sokka), but they weren't rushed like that.

In the original they both grow so much between their meetings. Sokka finally gets together with a girl (not the first girl he meets that's his age, like Suki), kisses sb for the first time, travels the world, meets new people and in general matures.

We don't know much about what Suki is doing during that time, but we know she finally does sth that helps people during war, sth that she said was important to her. She can finally put her skills in leadership to greater use and she feels great about it. She also matures during that time and we know that she still thinks about Sokka and misses him.

Them kissing immediately makes their relationship so much more bland and just... flat.

2. If they make all three seasons, we will probably not get the most iconic line of the show...

Because now Sokka's first girlfriend is technically Suki...

3. The whole scene with Suki teaching Sokka

I cannot empathise enough how important Sokka's sexism is in their relationship. It's something that Suki fixes in him, something she manages to show him... by absolutely kicking his ass. In live action... the fight scene next to those melons was a joke not a fight scene if I can be honest. Idk if it's the writing or the choreography or the actors but it looks so fake and just so bad 💀 And she attacked him while he was still "stretching"??? Suki would never.

What is this 💀💀

But the most important scene, and the one I hate the most in live action, is the one where Suki teaches him a very sacred and traditional and important to Suki and to her culture way of fighting.

In the original, Suki highlights that no man should learn their art and only after Sokka begs Suki to teach him does she agree.

But not without a very important piece that was fully missing from live action which baffles me so much.

The entire armor, the dress and make up.

Not only is it incredibly important to upholding the traditions and keeping the cultural aspect important, but the beautiful, might I add, outfit gives us the depth of Kyoshi Warriors that is just missing from the live action.

"The silk thread symbolizes the brave blood that flows through our veins. The gold insignia represents the honor of the warrior's heart."

It's beautiful. It's meaningful for both of them. It's important. And it's also a way for Suki to mess with Sokka which we love and stan.

I ALSO DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY SUKI TOOK OFF HER MAKE UP FOR THE ALMOST KISS AND THE KISS. It's not like being a Kyoshi Warrior is sth that's bothering her. NO. She's incredibly proud of it!! So. why. take. an. important. part. of. it. away. for. some. stupid. kiss.

WHY NOT GO THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION?? Instead of her taking off her make up for the romantic scene why not just... put make up on Sokka... honestly what's more romantic than putting make up on your crush.

They could have made such a beautiful and intimate scene between these two.

Them sitting in front of each other. Suki putting on Sokka's make up, while either talking about herself or about how important this whole set up is for her and her culture. I wouldn't mind it then because it would give their relationship some depth instead of "omg he's so pretty" "omg she's so pretty." *kiss*

But no. Instead they kissed right next to a group of people (including Suki's mother which just makes is so much more weird) after Suki said sth about Sokka showing her a bit of the world.

And I hate it so much.

It takes away the part where Suki teaches Sokka something very important, something that changes his personality, helps with his arc to Sokka "showing her a bit of the world". How?? With what?? It's not like he took her away from the Island itself or introduced her to his culture. No. He just... showed up and kissed her.

Great writing.

And don't get me starter on the "I'm not just a warrior. I'm a Kyoshi Warrior" line. It's a good line. It really is. But it would be better if the producers actually focused on Suki being a Kyoshi Warrior and not just a girl that has a crush on Sokka.

And while it's compared to "I'm a warrior. But I'm a girl too"... gods I... ughhhhhhh

So yeah. I hated it. I hated the show. All I have to say is:

They ruined my favourite couple. They ruined many great characters. They completely missed the point of the original story.

[carcarrot]

LAURENCE HARVEY a.k.a. LARUSHKA MISCHA / ZVI MOSHEH SKIKNE (born october 1st, 1928 - died november 25th, 1973)

“I always believed in Laurence Harvey, even when nobody else did. Especially when nobody else did.”

“Most people imagined they knew and understood Larry with little trouble. That was a big mistake. They didn't know how deep and complex, how elusive, he remained behind his social mask.” - Paulene Stone, his wife

“I cannot yield to failure, it would make far too many people happy.”

[bromcommie]

what if we worked as ranch hands together for decades and then you got mauled by a bear because I was drunk on the job because of the recent harrowing death of my young son and then I spent the rest of my days as a recluse taking care of you and exclusively spending my time with you while you lived on my ranch and continuously bitched at me about this bear as a metaphor for both of us getting back to living our lives and dealing with our grief. what if I finally did it by forcibly co-adopting my estranged daughter-in-law and the granddaughter I didn’t know I had with you and therein ended up experiencing the joy of family and community again. AND my up-until-recently-secret granddaughter called us two gay old cowboys to our face. and then me and her tried stealing the bear from a local zoo/circus for you but accidentally set it free instead because wink wink it’s a metaphor wink wink. what then

[todayisafridaynight]

bro im not a majima fan im an ugaki fan 1000% he's a darling

[matchingbatbites]

"What the fuck did you do?"

Eddie wasn't expecting hostility when he answered Jeff's phone call, his best friend's usual calm demeanor replaced with open annoyance. And yeah, okay, the annoyance itself wasn’t new, but Eddie doesn’t think he’s actually done anything recently to earn it.

"Well-"

"Actually, no. I'll tell you what you did. You retweeted photos of Steve Harrington - internationally beloved heartthrob actor Steve Harrington - along with the caption 'not to sound like a subby slut but GOD I would be his puppy baby boy in a heartbeat'. So I guess the better question is, what the fuck were you thinking, Eddie?"

Eddie's jaw clicks shut because- yeah, he had done that. Had seen those photos of Steve smoking circling the internet and spent god knows how long just staring at them, had curbed the desire to shove his hand down his pants by posting a single thirst tweet about it.

“I was thinking, Jeff, that I'm allowed to post whatever I want to my private fucking twitter, man. I mean it's a free country, isn't a guy allowed to make a horny tweet about a sexy man every now and then?”

“You are, when you actually post it to your private account and not our award winning band's main account.”

No. Oh no. There's no way Eddie actually-

He rips his phone away from his face to open twitter, and realizes two things simultaneously. One, Jeff is right, he had posted it to the band's account. Not on his private, locked, personal account, but on the account that's actually open and free for literally anyone on earth to look at.

The second thing he realizes is that their notifications are currently flooded with responses to Eddie's tweet, somehow racking up into the thousands in the few hours it's been since. 

Jesus Christ.

“Eddie?”

The metalhead jerks back into the moment and put Jeff on speaker so he can scroll through the horde of replies, says “Fuck, I fucked up. Are we gonna have to do damage control on this?”

In the mess is a reply from Gareth's own personal account: @ corrodededdie stop tweeting from the band account challenge 🙄🙄🙄

”Maybe. There hasn't been any type of response from Harrington or his people, but they might ask us to take it down if it blows up too much.“

Eddie hums, thinking they might be too little, too late about it blowing up too much, and flips over to his main account so he can reply to Gareth's little jab appropriately. He isn't surprised to see that he has a couple of new messages, probably from other people wondering just what the fuck Eddie was thinking, but when he goes to check them-

He's never been happier that he turned on messages from followers only, because then he would have missed this, missed Steve Harrington's little profile picture beaming up at him from the screen of his phone, along with a new message request.

”Jeff, I gotta go,” he says, not even realizing he's cut the other man off.

“Eddie, what-

”Harrington messaged me. I'll call you back.“

Eddie doesn't wait for a response as he hangs up on Jeff, and his hands definitely aren't shaking as he opens the message from Steve. And listen- Eddie is a fan of the guy, that much should be obvious. 

Steve had grown in popularity around the same time Corroded Coffin had; he’d gotten some part in a drama film that had skyrocketed him into stardom, and Eddie fell in love the moment he saw that gorgeous face on the silver screen for the first time. He's never had a chance to interact with the guy, has been in the same place a few times but always missed him, like ships passing in the night, but Eddie's been fine with pining from afar, just like every other person on the planet that's even remotely attracted to men.

Besides, even with how popular Corroded Coffin has gotten over the years - a couple of Grammy’s here, a dozen chart topping metal songs there - Eddie doesn’t expect Steve to just. Know who Eddie is.

With all of this in mind, Eddie is expecting some kind of semi-casual request to take the tweet down, that it's not a good look for his image-

Anything other than what Steve actually sent.

'If you're puppy baby boy, does that make me Master? Or Daddy?'

And Eddie- 

Eddie slides down, sinks into his couch cushion as all of the blood in his body suddenly shifts, rushing to fill his dick like it's a fucking race. The phone almost slips out of his hand and he fumbles it briefly before taking a deep breath. 

Is Steve serious? He wouldn't send that if he wasn't serious, right?

This could be it, could be Eddie's one chance to impress Steve, to get his foot in the door of Steve's interest. He bites his lip and types out a reply, something quick that he sends before he can change his mind.

‘I’m open to either, actually. Do you have a preference, sir?’

He doesn’t expect the typing indicator to come up immediately, and just knowing that Steve is somewhere right now, typing out a response to Eddie, is enough to have him nearly vibrating in his seat.

‘I’m partial to Daddy, myself.’

Fuck fuck fuck.

Eddie takes a breath, tries to think of a response that isn’t just ‘Please, Daddy, can I sit on your massive dick that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about since that one indie film you did that just had all of your junk out in the open?’

Steve saves him by sending another message.

‘But maybe we could start with Steve, and possibly dinner? Though I’d be happy to see where things go after that.’

He- What-

Eddie must have stopped breathing, because the next time he takes a breath his lungs burn, his mid races because there’s no way Eddie’s long term celebrity crush just asked him on a date. He sits there long enough that the screen goes dark and he scrambles to turn it back on, sees the message still there, real and unchanged.

There’s no way he can say no to this, to Steve, and his hands shake as he types out a response.

‘Dinner would be great. Just name the time and place, Daddy.’

[anastacialy]

hello! first, i wanna say you're totally right here. all the points you made are correct, and i agree with your additions, as i agreed with your original post. i wouldn't reblog something to simply disagree in the tags! the tags were there as an addition and a slight rebuttal to opinions that opposed yours. for instance, when a lot of the fandom said colin should have to beg for penelope's forgiveness for saying he'd never court her, i disagreed wholeheartedly, and thought his scene of making amends was lovely, and more than made up for his actions. i don't like the way a lot of this fandom treats colin, and i'm sorry to have seemed to be doing the same. i think some of my tags and tone were misinterpreted here though, so i just want to clarify. i'm not great at communicating, so do try to read this post with the best and most lighthearted intentions. there's a character limit within a tag limit, so i can't always add everything i want to in the tags, and when i try to keep in concise, well, things like these tend to happen. when i said "yes it would be fun" that was meant to be read as, "yeah, yeah, i know you guys [the people who like angst] would like if this happened." which isn't totally disparaging the angst-loving people, by the way, as many actors and writers have confirmed that the original cut (pre-reshoots) of the season was angst-ier! even colin's crying and soft-spoken-ness during the whistledown reveal was unplanned, though it works entirely for his character and the two of them as a couple. the way it was written, he was meant to yell! shout! get angry! so that was my way of acknowledging that, before the second half of my tags were outright saying you were correct. imagine those subsequent tags as me going, "yeah, what they said! good point, boss!" behind you. i referenced like three or four other posts that were probably not read by you prior to this response, which is fair, since i post a whole lot. (there are fifty-five pages of bridgerton content on my blog. lmfao.) i use my tags to talk to myself and my followers, as was their original use (i've been rotting on tumblr since long before they showed up in the notes of a post), so i don't always give all the context in the world. it's kinda funny, i thought my referring to other posts for clarity was over-doing it! apparently not. i don't expect anyone who doesn't follow me to care to read my tags, but i know they're now served directly to the op, so i can see why you'd read them and disagree.

the "bite back" comment was in reference to this post, where i was commenting on the rest of the fandom's reaction to the scene. (in fact, someone reblogged that post with tags i disagree with, that seemed to miss the point of my post, ironically enough.) everyone was freaking out that he said something 'so mean' and i responded by saying, 'ok yes, if we wanted all the drama and messiness that came with the show's other couples, she'd have said something mean back to him there.' i imagined the rest of the scene playing out the same, though, where she apologizes quickly after realizing being rude to him isn't the right move. i'm not saying it would be healthy, nor better, and certainly not more in character. it was just a reference to a joke post i wrote at five in the morning after bingeing the series, and a reply to other people saying she should just call everything off in anger, which i don't agree with. the second post i was referencing was this heartbreaking drabble (which i fully thought i'd reblogged but didn't, so that one's my bad for sure) that has penelope call of the wedding for colin's sake. as in, her understanding she hurt him, and saying, 'i love you so much, i don't want to entrap you in a marriage where you'll be unhappy.' which, i did specify in the tags, by the way. this is just the annulment offer, but set earlier in the show. one thing we may disagree on, though, is that you say: "So if she said 'fine, no entrapment then, we're done' that is, realistically speaking, the death of their relationship." i personally do not think that would be the end of it. especially if, as in that fic and my tags, she called it off so as to not entrap him, to say 'no, you deserve happiness, even if it isn't with me.' i do think he'd be upset by her calling the wedding off. my interpretation of these scenes is that he still wants to marry her. when asked by kate, "does whatever new information you've learned [about penelope] truly negate [your relationship with her]?" [season 3 episode 7 timestamp 30:10] he shakes his head, no. i know this is later on in the show, but it is a feeling i think runs as an undercurrent to the feelings he shows in the scene we're discussing. so when i say his entrapment line is him "holding onto the marriage with his fingernails" i mean it is both him expressing his hurt, and him using propriety and "i am a gentleman" to keep the wedding on. this post i also referenced in the tags covers a lot of my feelings on the matter, though there are some nuances in my view there as well that i didn't bother rambling in the tags for, that time. and this one, and my tags on it, though that one's pretty /silly. but you share the same sentiment just in different words: "Yes, he still wants to marry her, not out of obligation, but because they have history and he has feelings for her." it is not truly obligation that i am arguing here, merely the illusion of obligation in order to hurt her in the moment, to hide his genuine desire to still marry her, and to deal with his more complicated feelings on his own.

also, when i say i want to write a fic about something, i mean it would be interesting to explore as an alternative to what happens in the show, to see how different actions might play out. i never, ever, in a million years think that the actual show should have changed, by the way. i make that clear in this joke post that i'm by no means the best writer. i'm also still waiting on my ao3 invite, so you're safe from my bad, ooc fanfics... for now. i was also referencing a very common joke post using the "please please please" line. i promise i don't actually think he'd say that, nor would it actually go in the fic. it's just a running joke at this point!

you extrapolated a lot about how i view penelope from these tags and, again, i understand why you would, as these are the only words of mine you've read. that's why im providing the context of my blog and other posts i'm referring to. the "no empathy" penelope you described is not at all the way i view penelope! i love her too much for that. she would be an awful partner if she behaved that way. but since we can understand colin lashed out in hurt, we can understand penelope might too, in theory, or in an au. but i understand you simply thought i was seriously saying the show should change or that this was the One True Interpretation, when i was not. context is important. uuu. [this is a joking reference to "prospects are important" and the little noise colin makes after he says his next line after that one. season 3 episode 3 "forces of nature" timestamp 8:57])

this is a great post i also recently reblogged on the topic too! and this one, which i have no clue why i didn't reblog yet. i may have been on mobile when i read it, hah. but they are saying the same thing as you here, and i agree! she truly hurt him, and he was completely within his rights to make a hurtful comment in that moment. i never said otherwise, and i certainly never said she should say or even imply that she didn't love him! i think both of us are also replying to the general fandom in this way. i genuinely love that, in canon, penelope met him with empathy and care right away. it's what he deserves! anyway, to reiterate: i agree with you! i think there were some misinterpretations of my tags and for that i apologize. i'd say agree to disagree, but i think it's mostly agree to agree (on most things) and agree to disagree (on a few small details i interpret slightly different than you) lmao! i hope this clears things up a bit!!

I guess what I find most funny about the 'She should call off the wedding because of Colin's entrapement line!' crowd is like. . .y'all really don't get Penelope at all, do you?

She has loved this man for YEARS. She's loved him through his engagement to someone else, she's loved him through him saying he wouldn't court her, she's loved him through multiple countries, through her family mocking their closeness, through a potential marriage to a Lord. She loved him so much she couldn't even DENY having feelings for him to save what she thought was her only chance of getting married. Do you know how easy it would have been for her to go 'No, we're just friends, I don't like him like that, you're proposing to me and that's what matters'? She couldn't denounce her feelings for him even THEN. Even when she doesn't think he reciprocates them and she's made peace with a life with Debling and is expecting his proposal. Colin was *always* first in her heart, through all those hurdles.

Because Colin has been kind in a cruel world, and he's made her laugh, and he encourages her confidence and he's warm and he's gorgeous and he centers her and he values her and he listens and makes her feel desired and beautiful. He's a good man, and her love for him makes her feel good, she treasures it. Even in the books she says it feels good to love a good person, whether he loved her back or not. And now she knows that he does and you think one line that Colin says in obvious hurt after finding out she's been hiding a secret persona for him is enough to shake that love? She spent what? Half a decade looking out her window pining for him and now on the eve of getting to live a life with him as husband and wife, she's going to chuck that away because of one sentence? How lowly do you think of her? How *stupid* do you think she is? To throw away the love of her life over what? Her pride? This fandom's OOC Fanon Pen is a disservice to Penelope's actual character.

Her love for Colin is steadfast. It's made of tougher stuff than all that. It has survived everything that has been thrown at it. Distance, other people, Portia. And y'all really, truly believe that a singular statement will make her go 'Naw, I don't want it anymore!' PUHLEASE. Even when she offers him that annulment, you KNOW she knows it's not on the table.

Stop playing. OF COURSE she didn't call off the wedding. Of COURSE she chose to understand where he was coming from and went 'I didn't mean to trap you, Colin, I love you'. Of course she asks what the marriage will be and is comforted by the fact that he still wants to go through with it.

Penelope Featherington has loved Colin most of her life. It has been one of the few constants in her existence. He has been good to her in said existence, consistently. He's listened, he's cared, he's apologized to her, he's taken ownership of his actions, he's invited her to be more open, he's joked with her, he's supported her, he saw her when she was invisible. She. Loves. Him. And for good reason.

It's not going away because of one line. Or two. Or three. Come back next time when you actually understand her.

[cuubism]

Found this old fic concept in my notes, I doubt I'll ever get around to writing it or that I could do it justice if I did, but it still makes me laugh so I wrote it up as a little blurb. Perhaps it will make you laugh too.

Mega Popstar Dream and Hob, his extremely non-famous celebrity crush

So in this universe Dream is an extremely famous musician. He's like Taylor Swift level of famous, if you walk up to any random person on the street they would know who he is. Meanwhile Hob is an actor but really not very well known, he was in a few small projects and is in the core cast of one TV show that's well-regarded but not super popular.

It's Dream's FAVORITE TV SHOW and Hob is his FAVORITE ACTOR that he's ferally OBSESSED WITH. Everyone knows about this too, Dream is really obvious about it. In interviews people will ask him what he likes and he's like "this is my favorite TV show" "have you seen Hob Gadling in that show isn't he incredible", They'll ask him if he has a celebrity crush (as a joke) and he's like "YES HOB GADLING 😍" like it's become a meme in Dream's fandom how much he has a crush on this random actor.

They've never met though, probably Dream was afraid to -- 'never meet your heroes' and all -- and never let his team book any overlapping events. So he's never seen Hob in person, only watched his favorite TV show 65 times in a row and memorized every inch of his face. Like a stalker.

So then a Buzzfeed-esque YouTube channel is running a special edition of their usual challenge show, "People Meet Their Celebrity Crush", except this time it's "CELEBRITIES Meet Their Celebrity Crush." Dream's entire team conspires against him to book him on this. Dream doesn't know what it is until the very moment since the whole point is to surprise people with their crush. Needless to say, Hob was REALLY dubious when the channel reached out like "do you want to come on as Dream's celebrity crush" but what's he gonna do say NO? say NO when Dream is so pretty and cute? So yeah he goes.

Anyway during the moment in the video when they revealed his celebrity crush to him -- aka Hob just looking like a totally normal and random guy -- Dream literally tripped over a chair and fell on the floor and then fainted. Instant meme and it became the thumbnail of the video. When Dream woke up to find Hob crouched by him all concerned asking if he was okay he nearly had a panic attack, he was never more flustered and nervous in his whole life not even performing for crowds of millions.

Hob fell in love instantly. He doesn't even know much about Dream, he hasn't even listened to Dream's music other than what's just playing ubiquitously on the radio all the time but all it took was watching Dream fall over a chair and then look up at him with his huge starry eyes and he was like 'This one's mine forever idc. I gotta protect this nerd he won't survive in the wild.'

Anyway they did start dating after that and Dream never leaves the honeymoon phase for the rest of his whole life, he truly thinks Hob is the most handsome man and best actor in the entire world and will tell anyone so at any opportunity, he goes around saying things like "see if you believe really hard you too can marry your celebrity crush 🥰" with zero irony, he might have skipped the Grammys to go to the premiere of season 3 of Hob's show (Hob didn't ask him to do that) (Dream won the Grammy but had more fun staring at Hob's face for 2 hours than he would have had at the awards show). Meanwhile Hob never talks about Dream in public because Dream already has negative 500% privacy in his life, he's extremely protective of him, and he allegedly punched one of the paparazzi in the face when they tried to take stealth shots at their wedding which was supposed to be a private affair. ALLEGEDLY. No charges were filed.

Dream did post one photo of the wedding on insta for his adoring fandom in which he described Hob as his knight in shining armor and then denied any knowledge of any 'alleged' events when asked about it in the future. Because Hob was so much more private about their relationship than Dream, for a while Dream's fandom had been like HOB DOESN'T DESERVE DREAM but after the (alleged) story about Hob punching someone in the face came out they were all obsessed with him. So that solved that problem.

(Despite Hob's efforts a paparazzi photo did come out of them the morning after the wedding, Hob sitting on the terrace drinking coffee, Dream sitting on his lap wearing Hob's shirt and looking thoroughly ravished. Dream might have framed it.)

Then they lived happily ever after. Dream put Hob in every one of his music videos regardless of whether it made sense for the story. Hob got one of Dream's songs put in his favorite TV show which made Dream's whole entire year. The end :)

[threeacttragedy]

Entry 10: The One About the Audibly Loud Lukola FanFic

I’ll address the elephant in the room. And, no, I’m not talking about Jake Dunn’s brown suit! Or, that he’s posing with a man. Or, that Tyler commented “Bellissimo!!!!” on Jake's post.

I don’t think a lot of people understood the connection I was making this morning about “Mis-Directed,” Gwilym Lee, and Jake.  So, now I feel the need to explain because I don’t want people running with a narrative that goes in the opposite direction of where I was taking it.

Sorry, JVN, you’re getting pushed to the side again. I promise, I’ll get to you one day.

Let’s go back two months…

On September 25, Nicola posted to her Instagram stories a link to Alex Babsky’s post, which was a picture of Nicola. She had her hair and make-up done but she was wearing one of her own dresses (the black dress she wore in Australia and Brazil). Babsky captioned his post “[pink bow] @nicolacoughlan in London today for…well, never mind what for actually [laughing emoji with hand over mouth] [winking emoji] [shushing emoji].” Nicola responded, “You’re amazing it was so gorgeous to see you xxx.”

Babksy’s caption sent the fandom into hysteria wondering what the hell Nicola was up to. It didn’t help that this was the same day Luke updated his Instagram bio and used “Xx” and it didn’t help that Nicola was wearing the black dress she allegedly wore on her beach walk in Brazil with Luke.

Do you want to know what I thought the photo of Nicola was from? I’m not going to lie – I thought it was pre-wedding makeup. Seriously, not kidding. It reminded me of my own wedding day. Formal hair and makeup and my own dress that was easy to take off without messing up the hair and makeup. I never said I wasn’t a little bit delulu.

On November 5, an author named Lucy Parker announced on her Instagram feed that she had a new Audible book called “Mis-Directed” being released in February 2025. The post came with pictures of Nicola wearing the black dress and the same hair and makeup as the September 25 post. Nicola (presumably) is reading the part of Hattie Murton, and Gwilym Lee (presumably) is reading the part of Anthony Rafe.

Oh, okay.

Turns out, I was wrong.

So, Nicola and Luke didn’t get married.

Fine.

I have always liked crows.

But, wait a minute – what the fuck is this Audible book about? A woman who stars in a romantic drama called “Leicester Square” (what the fuck?) which was adapted from a best-selling romance novel (what the fuck??). Then, in comes our antagonist, Anthony Rafe, who plays opposite of Hattie and, let me quote here, “But when very real chemistry sparks during their scripted love scenes, Hattie begins to think the industry’s legendarily heartless Bad Guy [Anthony] might just a have a pulse after all. And Anthony, for his part, is caught off-guard by the way his heart races when he’s around his aggravating onscreen lover. As reality starts to imitate art a little too close for comfort, the world’s most unlikely couple might just have more in common than they thought…” (what the fuck???).

Let’s start with Leicester Square. What the hell is Leicester Square? Oh, the name of the fake television show on which Hattie and Anthony star. Sure, Jan. Is it odd to anyone else that Leicester Square is the name of the location of where the London premiere of Bridgerton Season 3 took place? You know, the event that happened hours before Papsmear.

Then we have the make-believe show being adapted from a best-selling romance novel. Mmm hmm.

Let’s try and not make the connection between Luke and Anthony. Mmm hmm.

And, let’s add fuel to the fire and have two co-stars falling in love with each other.

Yeah, we get it. It’s a Lukola FanFic being read by none other than Nicola. I mean, the only way it could be any better is if Luke was reading the part of Anthony Rafe! But, no, that part is being read by Gwilym Lee (who is fantastic in everything he does, by the way).

Who is Gwilym Lee? Well, he’s an actor (my father calls him “Midsomer”). Ask Mr. Google about him. But, if you check out his Instagram feed, you will find that he knows Jake and has since, at least, 2022. Is it possible that Nicola met Gwilym through Jake? Yeah, it is.

Now, why do I find this situation intriguing? Specifically, why did I find the post from Jake this morning posing with Gwilym interesting (and a bit shady)? Let me explain.

The Jakholes took the “Mis-Directed” FanFic as shade towards the Lukolas. Yes, they went there because that FanFic does not (in the least) fit nicely into their Jakola narrative. I mean, if it wasn’t shade to the Lukolas, how weird the storyline must have been for Jake! The writing was audibly on the wall, in big red letters, but the Jakholes chose to spin it into something messier than my hair in the morning after sleeping on it wet.

What exactly is this theory? Well, per the Jakholes, Nicola hates the Lukola fandom so much that she sat and read (likely, for hours) this Lukola-coded FanFic just to spite us! I mean, Anthony is a bad boy in this story and “everyone loves to hate” him (don’t forget, Luke became the devil incarnate after Papsmear). And, Hattie is tired of the “brutal press, overly invested fans, and a cutthroat industry…[that] would give even Pollyanna an edge of cynicism.” The Jakholes believe this means Nicola is saying she’s really in love with Jake and she wants us all to know that by reading a Harlequin-style romance about a woman who falls in love with her costar! Oh, my God!! How could she?!

What in the actual fuck are the Jakholes drinking with this bullshit? I know, I know. I shouldn’t expect anything better from people who ship Jake with Nicola. In fact, if I was a Jakhole, I might buy into this conspiracy theory. But, I’m not a fucking Jakhole. And, guess what Jakholes? I don’t mind breaking the hearts of Lukolas by saying we’re probably never going to see sexy-hot Brazil pictures of Luke and Nicola, so I don’t mind telling Jakholes to put this theory back into Davy Jones’ locker and feed it to that bitch Kraken.

Let’s talk a bit further about the absurdity of this “Nicola is shading Lukola” subplot from Hell.

We will pretend Nicola hates Luke. She hates Lukola. She baits the Lukola fandom for shits and giggles.

What would this make Nicola?

It would make her a villain, for starters (and “villain” is me being extremely nice).

More importantly, it would make Nicola a PR nightmare.

Even if Nicola and Luke despised each other, do you believe Netflix, Bridgerton, and Shonda Land would allow Nicola to play games with the Lukola fandom? Talk about playing with fire!

The reality is the lines between Polin and Lukola are heavily blurred at this point. I hate to say it – and maybe a lot of you will view me as a complete asshole after I say this – but, if I learned Nicola was shading the Lukolas (therefore, in my opinion, trolling Luke), I would not be interested in Bridgerton Season 4. Or, Season 5. Or, any season after that. Or, in Nicola, for that matter. You’re welcome to have your own opinion about this but I would feel incredibly betrayed, and not just by Nicola. On top of that, for me, Polin has become Lukola. They’re so blurred, they don’t even resemble a line anymore. Maybe that’s a bad position to be in, but that’s where I’m at. Sorry, not sorry.

I’m not going to rehash the breadcrumbs left by Nicola that support Lukola – if you know, you know (or you can catch up by spending an afternoon on Tumblr). Even Luke, in his own way, leaves Lukola-coded crumbs. We also have damn convincing evidence that Netflix, Bridgerton, and Shonda Land support Lukola. I mean, even they’re blurring the lines with “Nicola and Luke’s Cutest Moments” and interestingly timed images of Polin. So, do you think they’re going to let Nicola fuck with that on a public forum?

That would be a cold, hard NO.

But, this Audible book – “Mis-Directed” – is loud and made louder because Nicola is reading it.

So, what is this Audible book? Shade? Or, Nicola being cutesy? I’m going to place my bets on the latter solely because, like I said, the Corporate Office is not going to let Nicola shade Lukola because it has a direct effect on Polin.

That’s not to say that the excitement of this Lukola-coded “Mis-Directed” FanFic wasn’t attacked by the Jakholes from all sides, and the wind – for the moment – was kicked out of it. That’s a different story for a different day.

But, what I found so intriguing about Jake’s post today is that, of all the people he could have included in his photo (because there’s obviously lots of people at this event), he chose Gwilym. And, this means people will look into Gwilym. People will realize that Gwilym is the other side of “Mis-Directed.” People will realize Jake and Gwilym are friends. People will realize that Jake’s friend is reading a Lukola-themed romance novel with Nicola.

And, if we agree that the book is not shade towards the Lukolas and we agree that Jakola is not real, what is the significance of the connection between Jake and Gwilym? Maybe it’s nothing. Maybe I’m overthinking it. But, the connection – at least in my mind (and it’s been there since November 5) – is that Jake supports “Mis-Directed” because he supports Lukola and he has always been there, helping Nicola lay the breadcrumbs. He wanted people to look into Gwilym and make the connection. Jake could very well be the one who suggested Gwilym read the part of Anthony. Jake is the degree of separation.

I want to close this out by noting that Jake also liked the post Nicola has pinned on her Instagram grid – the black and white one about her Time 100 article. You know, the one where Nicola says, “A lot of people really want me to marry Luke.” Follow the links and it will take you to this article. That’s an interestingly placed like by Jake, in my opinion – as is his photo op with Gwilym.

[thevelvetvampyre]

Caught red handed - Cillian Murphy x assistant reader

I want him to kick me in the face this gif is so hot im seizing

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x assistant reader

Summary: Sharing a joint hotel room with Cillian as his assistant and he catches you reading smut about him on tumblr, leading him to give you the real life experience

Warnings: Cillian’s a peeper, self pleasure, oral + fingering + p in v basically all of it, choking, spit + ending a little wholesome

——————————————

After 15 hours of traveling to New York for Cillian’s new film premiere, you were finally in bed scrolling through your phone getting ready to fall asleep. Besides the mixup downstairs at the front desk where the receptionist gave you a joint room with the man you worked for, the hotel room was beautiful. It had been a little awkward at first as the walls and wooden sliding door that separated you and the actor were thin, but you heard him quiet down and his room had gone silent so you assumed he had fallen asleep first. He laughed off the uncomfortable situation that you would be basically sharing a room and treated you to dinner and drinks in the downstairs restaurant, brushing it off as a ‘bonding moment’ between the pair of you. You had only worked for him as his assistant for a couple months, not really getting too personal with the man as he kept a comfortable distance away from you and remained highly professional during all your encounters and meetings.

it’s only one night. You thought to yourself. Only one night of torture.

The truth was, you had a raging crush on him. Not only was he talented and well admired, he was panties dropping, thigh trembling, pussy pulsatingly handsome. The fact he was so professional with you, even treating you like a daughter drove you insane. You wanted nothing more for him to rip your clothes off, abuse your skin with purple marks and fuck you till it hurt. So here you were, a thin build of plaster away from the man you worked for with your fingers slipping under the top of your underwear and caressing your warm skin.

Shamefully, you read smut on tumblr about the actor in your free time. It was the closest you could get to fucking him, feeling his cock twitch inside you or even feeling his lips on your slit. Of course you took advantage of it and of course if he ever found out you’d want to fall off the face of the earth to never been seen again. Feeling a knot build up in the bottom of your stomach after remembering the night you shared with him, the way he smelt and the way his eyes slightly grazed your thighs you shifted in anticipation on the bed wanting to relieve yourself of the pressure he had built up inside of you.

Feeling your pussy heat up and begin to soak through the cotton underwear you had on, your middle finger began to circle on your clit as knowing he was next door aroused you more than any piece of writing could. You found your favourite post in your likes and began to read as your fingers slowly teased the nub on your mound, fastening up your circles as you were beginning to feel desperate for your release. Although you were under the blanket, your torso was still visible and you placed your phone down to raise your shirt up under your chin. Freeing your tits and feeling the cold aircon hit your nipples, they hardened as you grabbed one in your hand and your head fell slightly back in pleasure to your grasp. Small breaths started to leave your mouth as your back began to arch, your fingers moving faster around your clit as it pulsated under your touch. Lowering your hand to your opening and slowly pressing a finger in, you gasped at the breach into your now soaked hole and pushed even further until your knuckle was attached to your slit. Beginning to slowly curl your finger to the spongy spot inside of you, your neck rolled as your other hand pulled and twisted at your exposed tit. Unknowingly in the midst of your pleasure, your mouth fell open and a whine had quietly escaped.

With the mixture of small squelching noises and whimpers, Cillian’s eyes shot open and he sat up on his elbows. He remained still to listen out for the noise in confusion as his brows furrowed and his jaw clenched.

Fecking neighbours.

He slapped his head back onto the pillow and huffed out in annoyance, his tiredness getting the best of him as his mind began to drift off once more.

“Fuck.” You whispered under your breath, feeling a heat build on your groin as your skin began to tingle in the cold air, a twitch shooting your head back even more. A sharp pressure began to fill the back of your cervix as your breathing became erratic and your arousal had spread onto the inside of your thighs. Leaving your boob, your hand snaked its way to your neck as you heavily pressed the sides of your neck and your eyes rolled to your head, feeling the lack of oxygen buzz in your ears.

Cillian sat up once more and tutted, cursing under his breath at the unknown noise and rubbing his eyes. He sighed heavily and properly sat up now, swinging his legs off the side of the bed and groaning with his head in his hands.

A louder whimper had fallen off your lips and your fingers quickened, your eyes squeezed shut as you fucked yourself soaking.

Cillian had stopped breathing, slowly raising his neck as his eyebrows furrowed once more and turned to the direction of the sliding wooden door.

Your back was arched, one hand gripping your throat till your knuckles turned white with your exposed tits in the freezing air. You had already added a second finger and began to pump yourself desperately, small cries falling from your lips as your skin heat up and a familiar pressure began to build in your groin.

Standing up from the side of the bed, Cillian quietly and carefully walked towards the door that separated you, placing his ear against the wood and his mouth fell open ajar as he heard your sweet voice, whimpering as quietly as it could. He continued to listen as his eyes rapidly blinked and his face pressed harder against the door. He heard the wet noises that had echoed off your walls and your desperate whines in an attempt to make yourself cum. Feeling his cock twitch in his grey sweatpants he pulled his head away from the door, feeling a wave of guilt flow over him. His breathing picked up as he stared into the wood, unsure of what to do. Glancing down at the tent growing in his pants, he took a deep breath and began to listen again. He squeezed his eyes shut and cringed at his actions, almost getting off to the fact you didn’t know he was listening.

Feeling frustrated with your fingers, your huffs became louder as your fingers played between your walls and clit, a tear forming in your eye as you couldn’t focus on yourself with the thought of Cillian only being a room away.

With his now throbbing cock that had swelled triple the size, his stomach turned and knotted with guilt. Needing to hear more or even see more, his hands slowly pressed against the door and opened it slightly. Luckily for him, you kept the curtains open and the moonlight poured into the room and illuminated your skin, letting him see your tits and the way you were choking yourself. He groaned under his breath as he watched your back arch and your body shake under your touch, finally hearing your whimpers clearly and seeing how your swollen lips pulled apart and trembled as you whined out in pleasure. His cock began to pull upwards into his stomach, his tip pulsating a white bead out of his angry, red skin. Wanting to see more, he pulled the door wider and slowly walked a small step in. Grunting at the fact your pussy was covered by the blanket, his palm grabbed his cock and began to press his erection down, sighing at the contact yet growing frustrated at the lack of touch.

Feeling yourself build up to a painful pressure, you grabbed your throat tighter and began fucking yourself harder. Getting so, so close to cumming your head filled with white noise and your eyes rolled. Hearing a small noise come from in front of you, you barely took notice as you were so close to coming undone on yourself, your wetness bouncing off the walls and your moans pronouncing themselves off your lips.

Finally, Cillian cleared his throat and your eyes snapped open, releasing your deathly grip on your neck and pulling your hand up from your pussy. Gasping loudly and pulling your shirt down, you sat up with flushed cheeks as you breathed heavily and batted your wet eyelashes at the man in front of you. Your lips were apart and your chest panted up and down, holding eye contact with him as the lighting pronounced his cock that printed in his pants.

“Wh-what are you doing here?” Your brows furrowed. Whether your face was flushed from arousal or embarrassment you would never know.

“Came to see what the noise was…” he began, a smirk that grew on his face as his wide eyes stared at you. His gaze fell from you to your phone on the bed which stayed on as you touched yourself. “What’re you looking at?”

You pushed your hair out your face and gulped, only just slightly getting your breath back. As your heart beat rapidly against your chest, your eyes shot down and grabbed your phone to switch it off. Taking fast strides over to you, he reached and grasped your phone and wrists in an attempt to get your device off of you. Your heart now beating so fast you can hear it in your ears, your mouth went dry as you tried your best to get your phone out of his grip.

“Just… wanna see… what’s got you worked up.” He chuckled, finally loosening your grip around the phone. He was much stronger than you, falling a few steps back as he gripped it away. Your heart could’ve killed you at the rate it was beating at, your skin vibrating red and a wave of tears forming in your eyes.

“Please! Cillian! Give it back!” You began to sit up out of the bed but it was too late. His mouth fell open wide and turned into a smirk as his eyes never blinked and remained on the screen. You watched as his finger scrolled down and your stomach flipped and knotted at watching Cillian, your boss, read smut you were reading about him. “Please…” you said through a breath “…just give it back.”

“What’s this?” He looked off the screen and up at you, chuckling through his smirk as his eyes stayed wide. “Reading… a sex story?” Tears had began to swell in your eyes and you wanted the bed to fold you into it’s mattress, your skin remaining red as you felt a ball form in your throat. “About me?” He chuckled as he watched you tear up.

Your fingers brushed against your water line and you shook your head. Covering your face in your hands you slowly looked up and caught a glimpse of his hard cock poking out his pants. Feeling a small rush of relief at his arousal, you sniffled and put your hands down.

“Oh… my god.” He threw your phone on your bed. “Fuck M’mean… I was only next door love.” He walked back over to you and stood at the side of your bed, reaching over and pulling your legs in between his to sit on the edge looking up at him he clasped your cheeks in his hand. He was so close to you that you could smell him, the sound of his tired groggy voice was octaves lower than you were used to and his blue iris’s poured right into yours. The nickname sent chills up your spine, your clit still pulsing at your lack of orgasm. He squeezed your cheeks as his hips twitched forward a little, causing you to break eye contact and look at his swollen cock in your face. Your mouth fell open as you looked at the size of him, reaching up and beginning to palm at him through his pants. Feeling his length around your fingers you looked up to see his lips open and flushed with his eyebrows furrowed, heavy breathing at the slight pressure you were giving him.

“Such a pretty girl.” He grabbed your face tighter to look up more at him. Placing both his thumbs in your mouth he opened your jaw gently and grunted as he looked down at you. “Open.” You did as you were told and widened your mouth. He stood closer to you and dropping a small ball of his spit into your mouth, watching as it landed on your tongue as you rubbed it on the roof of your mouth to swallow. He groaned a praise and lent down to press his lips onto yours, softly sucking and pressing onto your soft lips as his tongue grazed your bottom lip. As he kissed you, he pushed you further back into the bed, kneading your waist as he did so. Leaving your lips, he moved to your neck, earlobe and slowly sucked spots of purple down to your belly button, falling onto his knees and pulling you by the thighs to the edge of the bed once more. Reaching under and lifting your shirt of your head, he threw your clothing onto the floor and both of his hands aggressively pulled at your tits.

“Fuckin’ perfect tits.” He groaned, grazing his thumbs across your nipples and twisting your flesh around his digits.

Looking down at your underwear, his hands dropped from your tits to your waist and snuck his fingers around to hook your underwear, pulling them off of you as you raised your hips and throwing them to the side of your shirt on the floor.

“Fuck… so wet. Who got you this wet hm?” His thumb slowly started to rub circles onto your clit as he looked up at you for your response.

“You.” You began to squirm under his touch, already sensitive from your pleasure before.

“Hm? I can’t hear you love… who got you this wet?” He was basically purring, speeding up the circles on your mound as he licked his lips and attached his eyes onto your pussy.

“You! You Cillian.” Your fingers found themselves on his scalp, desperately pulling at him to go faster.

“Such a good assistant… letting me touch you like this.” All you could do was moan and breath out some curse word or the other, shifting your hips to try and create more movement underneath you.

Humming in approval, Cillian placed his lips onto your slit and removed his thumb, snaking his hands back around your waist and grabbed you fiercely into his face. Feeling his tongue slowly caress your wet, hot pussy your back arched against the bed and twitched beneath him. Pressing his face hard while sucking you, the room filled with squelching noises and the sound of his lips popping against you. Reaching down with one of his hands, he pressed two fingers against your hole and moaned at how wet you were, pressing his fingers into you and slowly pumping his digits into your soft soft. Already feeling the knot form in your stomach, your eyes rolled back and you moaned loudly as your legs shook.

“Oh yes… cum for me honey”

Fucking you faster with his fingers as you shook around his face, he held one of your thighs steadily to keep you still as he fingered and ate you out as you came. Whimpering against you, he felt you release onto his tongue and felt your wetness smear around the sides of his lips. Pulling back and giving your clit one more peck before towering over you on the bed, he struggled to get his sweatpants off fast enough as you laid dazed beneath him.

“Can’t wait to feel this cunt around my cock love… been wanting t’fuck you since day one.” Running his throbbing, red tip up and down your slit to collect your arousal, he wrapped his fingers around your neck and held you tight as he pressed his tip into you, grunting at the feeling of your walls around him as he slowly pushed in inches at a time.

“Fuck- oh fuck” He whimpered into your ear, holding your throat tighter as he panted next to you. “So tight.” The way he sounded like he was crying turned you on even more, clenching your walls around him which only made him fall slightly limp into your chest as he continued to push.

Getting up onto his wrists and staring directly into your eyes, he pounded his hips into the back of your thighs in one shove and watched as your face scrunched to the size of him. He felt big and his warmth had spread over your body, lips falling open as his eyebrows furrow as he looks at you.

“Taking my cock so well…” You whimpered and arched your back. He reached over and grabbed one of your hips, looking down at his cock tearing into you. Speeding up his thrusts, he continued to watch as his strokes started to already become desperate and sloppy.

“‘M’already gonna cum.” He looked up at you and tears were in his eyes. You watched him as he pathetically whimpered and whined at the feeling of fucking your pussy.

“Oh fuck-fuck yes.” You felt his warm load shoot into the back of your walls as you clenched him, milking him for all he has. He weakly continued to fuck you through his orgasm, knitting his brows together and trying his best to stay up as his white load violently soaked your insides.

Slowing down his pace as his grunts and groans softened, he pulled out of you and sat back on his knees. Staring at your wrecked pussy, he pulled you apart and watched as his cum leaked out of you.

“Mmm, so pretty honey.”

Standing up and flopping next to you on the bed, he pulled you close and raised your chin to look up at him.

“Just come to me next time… no need to touch yourself as you read your sex stories.” You cringed as you remembered and he chuckled at you, pulling you close into a hug and wrapping his arms around you. He kissed your forehead as you both drifted off to sleep in the same bed and you smiled on his chest, smelling his cologne and feeling his warmth.

[palukoo]

okay amazing perfect thank you for the support!! i require very little encouragement to ramble <3

so, first off, general disclaimer that these are old movies-- there's gonna be some fairly egregious racism, misogyny, etc. enter at your own risk.

also, as i basically said in the original tags, there's a lot that i'm sure would go on this list that i just haven't gotten around to watching yet

i'm gonna break this down a little by rough "genre"/vibe, give some brief descriptions/info, and link to it (note: i haven't double checked all the links so if its wrong whoops sorry). but i do wanna give first just a general top 10 list. the order is rough bc i'm bad at rankings lol. i'll elaborate more on each one within those little sections under the cut.

All About Eve (1950)

The Women (1939)

Holiday (1938)

Ninotchka (1939)

His Girl Friday (1940)

Rebecca (1940)

Gaslight (1944)

Bringing Up Baby (1938)

The Lady Eve (1941)

What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? (1962)

alright so now lets get into it! general note, I generally wanted discrete categories but some movies could or will be in multiple. also, from here on out, things aren't really in a particular order? the first few will tend to be favorites, but it's really not a hard and fast thing

Part 1: Screwballs!

Ninotchka (1939) - a Soviet and an aristocrat fall in love, which may not sound all that compelling, but it genuinely depicts Nina (Greta Garbo) with so much more respect and agency than you would expect. Things I think she would usually be mocked or vilified and made to atone for, she really isn't. Also, her autistic swag has bewitched me (and Melvyn Douglas) mind body and soul.

Holiday (1938) - working class man (Cary Grant) learns that his fiancee is insanely rich, though his plans to quit his job to take a vacation and find meaning in life, and his immediate witty rapport with her disillusioned, depressed sister (Katharine Hepburn), cause some issues for their intended marriage. This movie made me believe in love, and Cary Grant gets to do a lot of flips for no real reason which is fun.

His Girl Friday (1940) - newspaper woman (Rosalind Russell) is quitting her job working for her editor/ex-husband (Cary Grant) and intends to marry another man (Ralph Bellamy) and have a nice, calm, boring life, but there's a big story about political corruption and she needs the money her ex is offering her to cover it. Naturally, hijinks ensue. I'm a sucker for a news/reporter story, and Rosalind Russell does comedy so well it's crazy.

Bringing up Baby (1938) - a paleontologist (Cary Grant) just wants to get his intercostal clavicle, get his research funded, and go home to marry his extremely non-romantic fiancee, but the truly unhinged heiress (Katharine Hepburn) he keeps running into has to take care of a leopard and ropes him in on her chaos. I'm honestly underselling how wild this one is (true for most of these, really)

The Lady Eve (1941) - a con-woman (Barbara Stanwyck) and her father go after a very rich and flustered herpetologist (Henry Fonda) for his fortune, but she falls in love with him. When he learns she's conning him, he breaks it off. So naturally she decides to re-enter his life and exact her revenge via a disguise so brilliant he'll never see through it (there is basically no disguise)

The Philadelphia Story (1940) - a socialite (Katharine Hepburn) is getting married, but her ex-husband (Cary Grant), a reporter who is forced to cover this instead of real news (James Stewart), and his girlfriend/photographer (Ruth Hussey) get in the way of things, making said socialite question her views on relationships and herself. But really, to me it's about swingers <3

Ball of Fire (1941) - a nightclub dancer/moll (Barbara Stanwyck) finds refuge from the police who want her to testify against her mob boss boyfriend in a house full of professors, one of whom (Gary Cooper) is researching modern American slang but knows pretty much none of it. She knows plenty! And I feel obligated to mention that her name is Sugarpuss.

The Awful Truth (1937) - a married couple (Cary Grant & Irene Dunne) both think that the other is cheating on them, so they decide to get divorced and start pursuing other relationships. Only they also keep interfering in each other's relationships. Which could mean nothing.

My Favorite Wife (1940) - a woman (Irene Dunne) goes missing for several years, and when she is eventually declared dead, her husband (Cary Grant) remarries. When she is rescued/returned, things get complicated for the newlyweds, as her husband is still in love with her but doesn't know how to break things off with his new wife.

Note: The Talk of the Town and Design for Living would certainly be at home in this category, but I'm gonna hold off for now...

our "genres" get weirder/looser from here on

Part 2: Thrillers, Noirs, and Other Iconic Cinematography

Gaslight (1944) - do I even have to say anything for this one? A young woman (Ingrid Bergman) marries and she and her husband (Charles Boyer) move into the home she left as a child when her aunt was murdered. He begins to manipulate her into believing she is going insane so that she can't trust herself-- or be trusted by others.

Gilda (1946) - a man (Glenn Ford) begins to work for the corrupt casino owner who saved his life, quickly gaining his trust and taking on more responsibilities. The owner returns from a trip with a new wife (Rita Hayworth), who has a history with our protagonist. A lot happens from there! Note: it has an extremely unsatisfying ending imo, but I think it's still worth the watch. just be warned

What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? (1962) - two sisters, one who was a very successful child star but not a very successful actress (Bette Davis), and the other who became a movie star after being largely neglected in childhood (Joan Crawford), live together largely as a result of the fact that the latter was injured in a car crash and since then has been paralyzed from the waist down. when she wants to find a way to escape her sister's volatility and outright abuse, things come to a head. Note: this movie is often considered camp. it's not really, I think people just like to trivialize old women rather than take the fact that this is a legitimate thriller seriously. hope that helps.

Mildred Pierce (1945) - when questioned by the police about her husband's murder, a woman (Joan Crawford) recounts the story of her divorce, single motherhood, and efforts and successes in starting and running a business to fulfill the needs and desires of her daughter (Ann Blyth).

Double Indemnity (1944) - an insurance salesman and a dissatisfied wife/femme fatale (Barbara Stanwyck) plot to kill her husband and stage it so that they get a large insurance payout. Everything does not go according to plan. This is a very quintessential noir.

Spellbound (1945) - a psychoanalyst (Ingrid Bergman) falls for her new boss (Gregory Peck) before realizing that he is actually suffering from amnesia and claims to have killed and taken the place of the man who was actually supposed to take the job. She doesn't believe him, and they work to find the truth. I'm half recommending this for its dream sequence tbh.

Vertigo (1958) - a retired policeman is hired as a PI to try to understand what is wrong with his old friend's wife who has been displaying odd behaviors. Her husband thinks she's being possessed by her great grandmother who committed suicide. Through his investigation and protection of her, the PI falls in love with her and tries to help her recover from her strange affliction.

The Birds (1963) - birds start attacking people like crazy! I don't know how to pitch this one except that it's a lot more about women and their relationships to each other than I was expecting

The Strange Love of Martha Ivers (1946) - three childhood friends are bound by one's accidental killing of her aunt. As adults, two of them are married, wealthy, and powerful (Barbara Stanwyck & Kirk Douglas). When the third (Van Heflin) returns to town, it brings up old feelings and worries, and highlights their differing views and desires.

Note: there's a lot of Hitchcock I could and probably should put here, but I don't think I'm really gonna be the first person to tell you to watch like, Rear Window or Psycho or even like Notorious. I know that's also true for the ones I did list, but whatever.

Additional note: Obviously Rebecca should also go here. duh. I'm just putting it elsewhere

Part 3: Emotionally Compelling Performances in Dramas? I Guess?

Mourning Becomes Electra (1947) - a woman (Rosalind Russell) is angered when she discovers that her mother is having an affair with a man she herself has feelings for while her father, who she is devoted to, (and brother) have been away at war. Things get further complicated from here. This is very much a classic family drama play turned movie.

The Heiress (1949) - a nervous and awkward woman (Olivia de Havilland) whose father resents her for not living up to his idolized memory of her dead mother falls in love and plans to elope against her fathers wishes. Her father suspects that the man is only after his daughter's money.

Now, Voyager (1942) - a nervous and awkward woman (Bette Davis) is driven to mental breakdown by her overbearing mother (Gladys Cooper). After her time at a psychiatric facility, her psychiatrist (Claude Rains) urges her to go on a cruise, where she falls in love with a married man (Paul Henreid) who only stays in his marriage because of his daughter.

An Affair to Remember (1957) - two people (Deborah Kerr & Cary Grant) meet on a cruise and fall in love, only they are both in other relationships back on shore. The longing is depicted extremely well imho.

Stella Dallas (1937) - a working class woman (Barbara Stanwyck) marries rich and has a daughter, who she is desperate to give the best possible life to. She struggles to fit into high society for her daughter's benefit as her marriage ends

The Great Lie (1941) - a man (George Brent) realizes that his impulsive marriage to a pianist/socialite (Mary Astor) is not actually legal, and soon decides to instead marry his long time on and off girlfriend (Bette Davis) and get a job as a pilot. When he goes missing and is presumed dead, the two women make a plan on how to handle the socialite's recently confirmed pregnancy.

Marked Woman (1937) - a nightclub hostess (Bette Davis) is pressured by the district attorney (Humphrey Bogart) into testifying against the mob boss who owns the club in a murder case. Shortly after, her sister comes to visit and ignores warnings about the club. Bette kind of gets to go off on Humphrey a little for like the law not caring about women and (heavily implied) sex workers.

Note: A lot of the thriller/noirs could also really easily and accurately be put here, as could some from the next category...

Additional note: A lot of Bette Davis movies could go on this list because she is always giving compelling performances, I just don't always love the surrounding movies that much. so honorable mentions: Deception, Dangerous, Of Human Bondage, Dark Victory (trigger warning: Ronald Reagan)

Part 4: Queer Themes/Queer Coded

All About Eve (1950) - a young woman (Anne Baxter) who is obsessed with a renowned theater actress (Bette Davis) makes her way into her inner circle before beginning to take over her life. It's also very funny and brilliant and Bette is so completely charismatic in it that it's crazy. If you watch one movie from this list, let it be this one.

Rebecca (1940) - a young woman (Joan Fontaine) marries a rich widower (Laurence Olivier) and is taken to live at his estate, quickly becoming frustrated and overwhelmed by how much is clearly influenced by his late wife-- particularly the housekeeper (Judith Anderson), who frightens her and was clearly obsessed with the former lady of the house. Meanwhile, she is also subject to her husband's constant critiques and outbursts.

The Talk of the Town (1942) - a labor activist (Cary Grant) takes refuge in an old friend's (Jean Arthur) house when he is falsely accused of murder. But his friend is renting her house out to a renowned law professor and soon to be Supreme Court Justice (Ronald Colman). Hiding his true identity due to the accusations against him, and with the help of his friend the activist tries to change the professor's view of the law. Oh, and they're in love.

Design for Living (1933) - two friends and artists (Fredric March & Gary Cooper) live together while struggling to find success. They meet and both fall in love with a woman, who in turn falls in love with both of them. She proposes that they all live together as platonic roommates so she can help them with their artistic careers. She does the second part of that very successfully.

The Children's Hour (1961) - two women run a school together, but their work and their lives are under threat when a student accuses them of being lesbians. This one isn't queer coded, it's just actually queer and of course quite tragic (suicide tw, and a lot of internalized homophobia leading up to it).

Part 5: Other??

The Women (1939) - a socialite (Norma Shearer) tries to navigate her next steps when she learns through gossiping friends (Rosalind Russell) that her husband is cheating on her with a shopgirl (Joan Crawford). I have to mention that this film is extremely notable in the fact that there are no men ever seen or heard in it. It is almost always talking about men, but they aren't ever actually there. This movie could also just be summarized as like "the girls are fighting." Everyone is incredible in this, truly, I am always thinking about them. This made me become obsessed with Ros and Norma (I was already obsessed with Joan)

Grand Hotel (1932) - at a hotel in Berlin, several guests' lives become briefly entangled, including a baron who has gone broke and become a thief (John Barrymore), a dying accountant (Lionel Barrymore), an uncaring industrialist working on a deal (Wallace Beery), a stenographer who wants to become an actress (Joan Crawford), and a depressed ballerina (Greta Garbo).

How to Marry a Millionaire (1953) - to be honest, I think this one is pretty self explanatory. Three women (Lauren Bacall, Marilyn Monroe, Betty Grable) try to find rich husbands while living together, but it's not quite that simple.

Auntie Mame (1958) - an aging, free-spirited socialite (Rosalind Russell) is given custody of her nephew when he is orphaned, and her ideals and lifestyle quickly clash with those of the bank who manages his inheritance. As her nephew is put into a private school and raised to be more conventional and upper class, she struggles at various times financially and emotionally, and they both try to maintain their close relationship despite the difficulty.

Dancing Lady (1933) - frustrated with her job as a burlesque dancer and reluctant to accept help from a rich man with clear ulterior motives (Franchot Tone), a woman (Joan Crawford) pursues a Broadway director (Clark Gable) to audition for his show. Eventually, during the course of her efforts and eventual rehearsals, she begins a relationship with the rich man as she grows closer to the director. There's a lot of dancing, which I personally enjoy.

A Letter to Three Wives (1949) - three friends (Linda Darnell, Jeanne Crain, Ann Sothern) receive a letter from another woman informing them that she has run away with one of their husbands. Because she does not specify, they all reflect on if it is their husband who has left through a series of flashbacks.

The Divorcee (1930) - when a man cheats on his wife (Norma Shearer) and tells her it didn't mean anything, she responds in kind. In outrage, he divorces her, leaving both miserable. Honestly, the reason I recommend this one is for Norma looking cute and also telling him, "I've balanced our accounts."

hi would anyone be interested in a old movie recc post/list from me?

[bluetimeombre]

ׂ╰┈➤ She’s like a shot of Espresso

You work in a coffee shop and suddenly Jacob is a coffee enthusiast

This man has been appearing in my dreams, he’s just begging for my attention. Btw I totally don’t work in a coffee shop…

ׂ╰┈➤

Teenpopbuzz: we've found jacbobelordi favourite coffee spot! the actor has been seen visiting there on three separate occasions

304k likes 211k comments

user: hubba hubba

user: so princess diana coded

user: he's so pretty

user: breaking, jacobelordi goes to coffee shop THREE times

user: daddy

user: babe,,, come back, the children miss you

user: what i would do to be a coffee cup and sit between his lips

user: help someone said he's princess diana coded

ׂ╰┈➤

Jacob was not a nervous person. He never got nervous and never felt awkward. But this was a trip to the coffee shop he'd frequented and he'd slowly started to get the shakes before every time. What the hell was wrong with him?

He knew what was wrong with him, his friends knew what was wrong with him. He had a crush. A crush on the pretty barista who served him every time.

The cafe had only been opened an hour but he was there and so were you. He realised you were there most days, with a smile and style.

The bell over the door dinged as he walked in and as you finished serving your customer. It was all quiet inside as he strode to the counter.

'Hi,' you smiled as the other customer walked away.

'How you doing?' he asked politely.

'I'm good, your usual?'

He grinned. 'You know it already.'

'Of course. Any plans today?' he knew you were probably just making conversation, but it still felt nice to talk to you.

'Nothing much, just got this book I want to finish.'

'Oh yea? What you reading?'

'Grapes of Wrath,' he said. He moved along the counter with you, keeping conversation.

'You know if you like Steinbeck you should try East of Eden, it's my favourite book.'

'Really?'

You went into describing the book and he listened intently, smiling at you as you got excited over the book. He came in with his own prompts too.

‘Sorry, im keeping up,’ You apologized, sliding his coffee over.

‘No please, I love to hear it. I’ve got nothing much on.’

‘Finishing a Book, very important business,’ You tell him.

When another customer walked in, it was his cue to leave, slowly and looking back at you like one hundred times.

Jacob opened the door, calling to you one more time, completely ignoring the customer that was there. ‘I’ll see you soon!’

You smile and blush.

ׂ╰┈➤

liked by… yourusername, sydney_sweeney, enews, tchalamet & others

Jacobelordi: I’ve heard East of Eden is a good read

1m likes 782k comments

user: aesthetic king

user: he’s so pretty

user: babygurl

user: 😍😍

user: I will bet so much money that’s from the coffee shop he likes or something

user: he’s so bf!!! I need him

user: he was written by a woman people!!!

user: how is he so gorgeous!!

user: I am free and single to hang out on Thursday Jacob, I’ll be free Thursday for us to date if you are free on Thursday

user: I want you

user: he so cute fr

liked by… yourfriend, yourfriend, yourfriendsfriend and jacobelordi

Yourusername: oh no!!! I’m posting my three favorite things! Coffee, books and books! Hope a cute guy who has an affinity for these things doesn’t slide into my dms

105likes 20comments

yourfriend: she’s cute

yourfriend: ur so cool urg!!!

yourfriend: the caption, ur so iconic 😭😭

user: jacobelordi follows her?!?

ׂ╰┈➤

Jacobelordi started following yourusername

Yourusername started following jacobelordi

ׂ╰┈➤

Yourusername DMS

Jacobelordi: 📚

Jacobelordi: oh no, I accidentally tripped and dropped all my classics full of my annotations with all my interesting ideas and thoughts

ׂ╰┈➤

Jacob had a mission.

Your cafe was busier by the time he got in around lunch. It had been a busy week and beside talking to you through instagram, there hasn’t been much chance of a chance to see you.

So boy was he gonna see you today. And he had a plan.

He walked in and couldn’t immediately see you but saw your co-workers, another guy and another girl at the counter. He lingered around. What if you weren’t working today? But he was sure you were, you were always in on this day.

He caught sight of you, talking to a couple out for lunch and he smiled, tapping the book in his pocket.

After you left them to eat their lunch, you strode over. He noticed the blush on your cheeks, he’s hoped you’d be just as nervous.

‘Hey,’ he smiled as you slid behind the counter.

Your co-workers wondered away, clearly trying to make it look as if they weren’t listening.

‘I actually brought something for you,’ he said, suddenly wanting to hide behind his cap.

‘For me?’

With a grin, he slid over Grapes of Wrath. ‘It’s my copy, annotated and that. I just thought you might like to read it.’

‘Oh my god, thank you!’ You practically caressed the book. ‘It’s so funny cause I actually have something for you-‘ then, you pulled out east of Eden. ‘My copy. Not quite annotated but there’s a line or two underlined.’

‘Oh woah,’ the two of you laugh about it, thumbing though the pages.

Finally, Jacob knew he had to ask. He couldn’t not. ‘Maybe, if you’re free- and if you’re up to it, we could meet up and chat about it- and other things of course.’

You watch, blushing.

‘A date!’ He suddenly announced. ‘I’m asking you out on a date.’

You nod. ‘I would love to go on a date with you, just let me know when, you have my number.’

Confused, his brows furrowed until you helped him. You flicked open the cover and on the first page of the book, your number was scribbled.

And he knew, he was in bad.

ׂ╰┈➤

Teenpopbuzz: new couple alert?! Jacobelordi has been spotted out and about with a mystery girl a few times now, could this be his new lucky woman?!

856k likes 445k comments

user: that should be me!!! Holding your hand!!

user: omg they’re so cute!!

user: isn’t this yourusername, who works in the cafe?

user: he’s literally just taking pictures of her, it’s so cute!!!

user: she better sleep with one eye open

user: I’m in love with them

user: he looks happy eeeekk

user: yourusername

user: ok I’ve stalked yourusername, she works in the cafe he’s been seen at

user: they’re so cute

user: I like the dog

liked by… yourusername, florencepugh, emmachamberlian & tchalamet

Jacobelordi: six months of free coffee! Thank you my love x

tagged: yourusername

1.1m likes 802k comments

user: AHHHHHHHH

user: he made it official!!!!

user: my parents!

user: she’s actually so pretty wtf

user: I can’t tell who i want to be more

user: the fact they met through the cafe she works at, talk about meet cute

user: telling my kids this is Romeo and Juliet

user: omg the free coffee comment, hahahah

user: do you think she’s seen saltburn?

yourusername: <3

[darlingkikki]

wait need a 141 scare actors x reader blurb

Synopsis: A horror night worker sees you and gives his men a task; make sure you leave smiling. Pairing: TF141!Scare Actors x GN!Reader (first meeting vibes so nothing too crazy but Kyle’s too great for me to keep it lowkey lmao) Word Count: 3.6k (I think) Warnings: negative self-talk, reader is very lonely (reasons up to you) a/n: Let me know if I missed any warnings or did not keep it gender-neutral and I will fix it <3. You gave me the green light and you will pay dearly for how badly I wish I were a better writer. Happy Halloween!

A man with an interesting mustache and beard combo greets you at the gates.

“Admission for one?” He asks, glancing over your shoulder to check that your friends or partner aren’t lagging. 

The question pokes at the part inside of you that recoils into your shell when others notice how alone you are, the forever raw wound that no positive affirmations or small bouts with talk therapists have been able to scab over. It’s constantly bleeding, oozing thoughts in voices you both recognize and don’t. They cover a wide variety, though they lead back to you, a homing missile locked onto your actual self and not the warped beyond-recognition version they are about. The version no one who knows you sees. You’ve been told you’re actually not that bad; you’re still stuck on why they used the word actually in something meant to be complimentary. 

One therapist (the one you felt could help, but they decided a job in another state was more important than your problems), said that the best way to combat these thoughts is to fight them, think louder and harder in the opposite direction, even if you think you’re lying to yourself. So, that’s what you did. You psyched yourself up in the mirror for the better part of an hour as you pulled on your costume and repeated to yourself that this was normal. 

Why should an infamous horror night be such a big deal? People go out alone all the time.

“Yep,” you say with a forced smile. It’s enough, but it doesn’t feel like enough. So, you over-explain because your mouth never knows when to quit. “I love going to these alone, really puts me in the Halloween mood.” 

The man tilts his head to one side, observing that slight pinch of your expression. Your voice is light and measured. And that smile. You’re performing. Everything about this is fake, everything about you is fake, a mask worn when the switch in your brain flips to ‘social interaction mode’, so strangers think of you in a certain way. You want him to know you’re not the least bit insecure about being alone. Not at all. The distant sounds of screaming and laughter inside the park don’t carve into you like an ice pick.

You’re not fooling him—no one can, as far as he’s concerned. He’s posted at the entrance for a reason, not because he’s grown too old to run around and scare people with grotesque makeup or prop weapons. He’s an assessor through and through. One brief conversation and he knows whether someone will be a good sport or one of those rude assholes that think it’s cool to scream back at the actors or posturing snobs who shit all over their efforts. You may be lying to him and yourself, but you won’t be a problem. 

Something about you reminds him of someone. He draws the comparison only after you school your smile to a blank expression. You have smile lines around your mouth, evidence that the muscles aren’t under-used, he just wonders how many are genuine. 

You’re still staring at him as he extends his hand towards you, palm up. 

“Give it here,” he orders and gestures towards your own, which has been clutching the fabric of your costume as if you think it’s trying to escape.

You stretch out your fingers, persuading them to relax and hold out your clammy hand so he can press a stamp down on the back of it. The design glows a bright lavender when light catches it at a certain angle, indecipherable enough that you can’t figure out exactly what it says or depicts. You’re about to pull away when he stamps you again. You don’t ask why, assuming it’s because the first was too light or smudged. With a gentle parting squeeze, your hand is your own again. You start towards the exit as he’s stuffing the stamp back into his pocket. 

He speaks again just as you’re about to be past his shoulder. His voice is soft but gritty like a smoker's. “You have yourself a hell of a night, alright?” 

“Yes, Sir.” You curse yourself for your unnecessary use of the title as you make it past the entrance to the park. You don’t know why you called him that, but it makes more sense than it should. He has a natural ability to garner respect, you felt it even in that brief interaction. He chuckles, rough and deep, as he pulls his phone out to make do with his mission.

You take a break from screaming and scurrying away from zombies and slashers to do something fun.

And what’s more fun than blowing too much money on playing carnival games until you win one of the large plushies? It seems easy enough after the woman running the stand explains the game to you—until you’ve sunk twenty bucks into it and only manage one ring on a bottle. The others have bounced off and landed on the ground. 

The stares of the wide-eyed plushies feel less like they’re cheering you on and more like they’re mocking you. Are you seriously playing a child’s game alone? And losing? Why? So you can win a dumb stuffed animal? You’ll leave here the same way you came and you deserve it.

There’s no way one is even worth the amount that you've lost so far. You’re ready to throw in the towel when you sense something behind you. 

It shouldn’t be something that spells danger, not with the woman who has been pocketing your money standing just a few feet away, but your body seems to ignore that fact and react as though Michael Myers himself is lurking behind you. 

You whirl around and your bones turn to ice when you find yourself face-to-chest with a tall, imposing figure. You’re too aghast to scream, mind-body connection severed, you’re left gaping up at the man like a fish out of water. He can’t have been there long, but you’ve been so caught up in the game that he could’ve been standing behind you the entire time. 

The man does not react to your fear, just meets you with an uncomfortably realistic-looking skull mask and unblinking eyes. His posture is rigid, like one of the decorative scarecrows you saw near the entrance. His eyes rake over your body in a way that reminds you of an x-ray, lingering on something for a prolonged moment. Whatever he sees, it pushes him to speak to you. 

“This one’s fuckin’ awful.”

His eyes crinkle at the corners, dark pools glinting with humor, but you’re too busy trying to calm your racing heart to respond. He’s used to people being afraid of him beyond the context of working at events like this, so he steps around you and picks up the pile of rings on the table. You press a trembling hand to your chest and take deep, pacifying breaths.

In and out, you tell yourself, over and over, until your heartbeat no longer resembles the sound of galloping horses. In the time it takes you to collect your bearings, he's thrown each ring over the tops of three bottles effortlessly. Anxiety dissolves into confusion, even more when he turns to you and then jerks his head towards the higher shelves, ignoring the slightly annoyed woman behind the counter. She was probably hoping you’d spend another couple of dollars.

“Oh.” Confusion melts into realization. Your lips curl upwards, but something still doesn’t feel right. He’d broken character to help you for seemingly no reason. “Thank you, but you didn’t need to-” 

“Already did. Pick the one you want.”

His insistence is sharp but harmless equally. The prize is yours, so no use in trying to out-polite the man. 

When you look back at the shelves, it’s with a radiant smile. Even though you hadn’t exactly won one yourself, the kindness of the skull-faced stranger was enough to silence your worries. The perfect one picks you before you pick it. There’s a lone skeleton with cutesy eyes and a squishy body surrounded by a sea of adorable plush pumpkins and black cats. You point to it and the woman behind the counter hands it over with a half-hearted “congrats”. The stranger in the mask smiles at your choice, though you’re not looking at him. When you’re done giving testing squeezes to the plushie, you turn to the man to thank him again, but he’s nowhere to be found, gone just as quietly as he’d appeared.

Sometime later, plushie in your arms, you find the line for a walk through the cornfield. It winds around plastic dividers like a snake, but what else can you expect from the major attraction when the night is in full swing? You join the line, picking at the white tag sewn into the leg of your plushie. There’s a couple in front of you dressed in matching costumes; they decide the wait is the perfect time to get reacquainted with one another. A worker ropes off the divider so no one else can enter and the distracted group of friends in front of the couple doesn’t notice or care about them, so no one else accompanies you in the awkwardness of listening to smacking lips and affectionate hums. Bitterness swells in your throat like you’ve swallowed a pill without water. Stroking the soft underbelly of your prize helps—somewhat. You think about the sweet, albeit intense, scare actor until the giggling couple with now identically smudged makeup walks hand-in-hand through the entrance.

There is little to no light inside of the field. The brightest thing is the moonlight, which makes walking down the dirt path between corn stalks an even more eerie experience. It’s almost peaceful, ignoring the creepy props lining the paths and the random actors hidden in the stalks itching to grab at your ankles or jump out at you (three have accosted you so far). And soon to be a fourth as corn rustles in front of you, leaf blades bouncing off each other harsher than when skimmed by the wind. 

Another couple of steps and a man in a bloody burlap sack-like mask pops out with outstretched arms and a loud “boo” to top it all off—you yelp, nearly dropping your plushie on the ground.

The man responds with a laugh, infectious and warm, before tugging off his mask. Odd, you think, because none of the other actors had prolonged the interaction after leaving you short of breath. Well, none but one.

“I’m Kyle,” he introduces himself, flashing a disarming smile. It’s dazzling, you almost miss him holding out a hand. “Sorry for…you know, just doin’ my job and all.”

Without the disturbing mask, he’s quite pretty, the kind that makes you immediately comply and give him both your right hand and name. Your stamps glow under the moonlight, and he sighs in relief, shoulders relaxing. He thought you’d have left by now.

“Nice meeting you,” he says, bowing at the waist. 

He’s prince-levels of charming, much too relaxed for the environment. His costume is more normal than scary without the mask, just a deep red tunic and dark-wash jeans. You can make out small bits of hay stuck to his hair and clothes. It makes for a dorky and cute visual. 

He does not slink back into the corn as the actors before him did. Instead, he straightens, making a face at the stuffed animal you’re holding.

“You win that for yourself?” 

“Tried to, but one of the actors ended up helping me, actually.”

He quirks a brow. “You pick it because it looks like him?”

You don’t know how he guessed so quickly, but you nod, sheepish that he’d caught you clutching it so protectively, like you were holding a dear gift from a loved one. 

It’s just a stupid toy a stranger won for you. Won for you. You hold it tighter.

Kyle shakes his head, muttering “smart bastard” under his breath and then his eyes are on you. He has that deep shade of brown that’s impossible to say no to.

“The way to the exit can be a bit borin’,” he explains, his lips pursed in thought. “You alright with some company?”

And now you’re even more confused. Was he even allowed to? And why would he care if you’re bored?

“Will you get in trouble?” You ask, glancing towards the quiet path, trying to gauge how long you’d be pulling him away from his job. From what he’s saying, you can assume the exit is near, but you can’t see it from here.

“Nah, you were the last one coming through, so I’m free to roam,” he shrugs, stepping out of your way so you can walk side-by-side.

You soon discover Kyle is even more of a gem than you’d initially realized. He's more than just a beautiful person to look at, he’s funny, and more friendly with you than strangers ought to be. He asks about you. You don’t know what to say at points, but he doesn’t seem to mind. When your voice wavers or your tongue fumbles, he’s patient. He’s genuinely interested, actually listening, and those pools of brown are as distracting as you thought because soon you’re walking underneath the cobweb-decorated archway signaling the end of the walk.

Your heart clenches. You’re not ready for your night to be over. You’re not prepared for your time with Kyle to be over, to face that tonight has been one of the few times you’ve been the target of considerate treatment and could very well be the only time.

You miss the reflected disappointment in his features because a harsh sound cuts through the air, similar to the rev of a car engine. Then it happens again, just as cacophonic followed by maniacal laughter, and a large man barrels through the corn so quickly you scream and nearly fall over into Kyle’s arms. 

“Fuckin’ hell ‘Tavish, you nearly killed my new friend here,” Kyle laughs, patting you on the back. Reassurance. You’re in no danger. 

The chainsaw wielder lets the act go rather quickly, lowering it to the ground and regarding you with a mischievous grin. 

“Just doin’ my job,”—the man waves off the accusation—“Not my fault Price chose a screamer.”

You squint at the man who’d nearly given you a heart attack. Price chose you? Who’s Price? Kyle claps the man on the back of the head. They interact as old friends, brothers. 

“Sorry,” Kyle turns to you, apologetic. “Should’ve warned you about the main event. Got a bit distracted.”

In fairness, you were too. You don’t mention that it was because of his eyes..

“Apology accepted,” you say, “Though your friend is on thin ice.”

“Me?” The man in question scoffs like you’ve accused him of a grave sin. His lips press together to keep his laughter at bay, though he’s got about as much tact as the hair on his head, which is shaved on both sides, leaving a strip of hair down the middle. He’s cocky, you can sense that. Cocky people are to you what salt is to a snail, though Kyle doesn’t seem the type to surround himself with the bad kind, so you try not to curl in on yourself.

“Not jus’ his friend,” he says, sending you a wink, “I’m John, Johnny if yer feelin’ brave.”

Kyle rolls his eyes and nudges you with his shoulder to get you walking towards the park exit, a straight shot from the cornfield. “Come on, we don’t need to take this.” 

“You scared me too,” you remind him as Johnny takes up the space on your left side, “Don’t think I forgot about that.”

He snorts, “Touche.”

“A screamer an’ not afraid to knock you down a peg,” Johnny notes, “I like ‘em already.” He hasn’t stopped staring at the side of your face. You wipe your hand across your cheek in case something is on it. 

The walk through the park is quiet, save for Johnny and Kyle throwing friendly jabs at one another. Most people have already left; the last few actors send looks in your direction and carnival game runners are shutting off their lights and closing down for the night.

“You have fun tonight?” Johnny asks you once the parking lot comes into view. Only a handful of clusters of cars remained in contrast to when you’d arrived.

The most fun you’ve had in a while. You’ve grown used to that heavy chunk of loneliness sitting in your chest like a rock. You drag it around behind you, a life sentence. Let it tether to your emotions and bog them down, anchoring your feet in some instances and letting the ground swallow you whole in others. You’re going home with a small part carved out. A crevice where something less bitter and more sweet can wedge itself in and find a home, spreading far and wide if you’re lucky.

The two exchange toothy grins when you respond positively, a cheerful smile cracking your face open for them to see. The look withholds a meaning that you aren’t privy to. Price was right, as always. A special someone deserved more smiles tonight, and they’d accomplished their mission.

“Found you any earlier an’ I would’ve won you one of those too,”—Johnny gestures to your plushie—“Ah’ve got an arm on me, a mean one when it comes to the bottle toss.”

Kyle and you roll your eyes. You assume the people in his life have grown quite comfortable doing so. Your initial descriptor of cocky was accurate, but he’s endearingly cocky in a way that doesn’t put you off too much. 

“Watch it, the big guy will take your head off,” Kyle warns.

“He’s not even here. I can say wha’ I want.”

“He’s right behind you.”

“Nah, he’s—” Johnny spins around and gasps, similar to how you’d reacted earlier, though he is a bit more dramatic. “Steamin’ Jesus, where’d you come from?”

You turn as well, hoping it’s who you’re thinking, and it is. The man who’d won you the plushie you’re holding.

He looks at you in the same way as before, though his imposing figure seems more relaxed than it had been. You presume these men are all friends. They seem comfortable enough around each other to be.

“Price wants to see us,” he says, his deep voice rolling from his chest the way water does over the smoothed rock on the bank of a river. You can hear it much clearer now that your heartbeat isn’t thrumming in your ears. 

“Can it wait?” Kyle glances towards you. “Wanted to make sure they made it out alright.”

Another chip at that loneliness, but you don’t want to jeopardize anything with him and Price—who you assume is his boss—even if you’d prefer he continues lessening the weight holding you down beneath your rib cage.

“You’ve done enough, Kyle,” you say, pointing behind you with your free hand, “I can see my car from here, anyway. I’ll be fine.”

“We cannae let ‘em go without makin’ sure, Simon,” Johnny insists, echoing Kyle’s sentiment and steamrolling over your assurance. 

Simon, finally a name for the face, or at least the parts of it you can see. Kyle and Johnny had shed their costumes, yet he wears his like a second skin. His stiff demeanor from earlier seems more of a costume than anything he’s wearing. 

Simon glances over your shoulder to where you’d pointed, dark eyes impossible to read. Johnny turns up the dial on his charm. At least that’s what you think he’s doing when he gives Simon a wide-eyed, puppy-like expression, pressing his palms together in front of his face and tipping his head forward. The picture would be complete if he sunk onto his knees with a bible in his hands.

He has the energy of the youngest son in the family. The visual brings a laugh tumbling from your lips and Simon relents, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Go on then, we’ll watch from here.”

So you do, waving at the group, who murmur their goodbyes, and then walking to your car. 

You walk slower than you need to, relishing in the experience of people wanting to ensure you made it anywhere safe. It’s a luxury. You strive for it like people dream about vacationing or owning a house. Unfortunately, time stands still for no one.

Chancing a look at the group of men as you climb into the driver’s seat, you find six pairs of eyes. Kyle smiles broadly, you get another wink and smirk from Johnny, and Simon blinks at you from behind his mask. You barely know them and yet their reactions are all so distinctly them. You beam, holding up the plush skeleton and waving one last time like an Olympic athlete holding up their medals before resting it on the passenger's seat.

Alone again, you push your key into the ignition and your car comes to life. The dashboard bathes everything in a golden glow. Come morning, when you’re bathed in a similar hue by the rising sun, you’ll think about this night. You’ll think about them, each of them, and you’ll wonder. Hugging your prize from the night, you will implant the memory into the grooves of your brain, where it can sit safe and snug, just as looked after as you’d been. You’ll wonder if any of them will end up in your life again, and hope the answer to that question is ‘yes’.

[itsclydebitches]

By this point we’ve all seen a hundred “Lucy had a crush on Cooper Howard and doesn’t realize he’s the Ghoul” takes (which feed me during the hiatus, thanks), but just for the lols I’d love to see the reversal: Lucy hates this guy.

Cooper Howard is her personal White Whale. Lucy hate-watches his films and nit-picks every scene like someone is paying her caps to do it. Whatever the opposite of a blorbo is, that’s Cooper. She woke up one day and chose violence against this 200 years dead actor in particular… but, you know, in a PR approved, Vaultie kind of way. Why the hate? Who knows. Probably a combination of her dad showing her Cooper’s debut film right when she hit that tween age where liking what your parents like is soul crushing and the fact that if she didn’t have this emotional outlet she’d probably explode. It’s the one (1) thing goody-goody Lucy is irrational about and Norm takes endless pleasure in it.

So she’s traveling with the Ghoul, right? Not a whole lot to do while traversing the Wasteland, especially when your companion is blatantly ignoring you and the pip-boy isn’t picking up any radio signals. So when Lucy is able to open that wound again she starts talking about her dad. The books he liked. Jokes he told over dinner. His favorite pair of socks. Silly, inconsequential things that don’t touch on the weight of his betrayal.

Eventually, Lucy talks about the movies they used to watch.

Eventually, Lucy is comfortable enough—and bored enough—to segue into epic rants about Cooper Fudging Howard. For hours. Nothing escapes her passive aggressive, couched-as-constructive-criticism bitching. Not his acting (“Really, he’d benefit from learning a gesture other than sticking his hands in his belt”), not his looks (“Who decided to put him in those pants in Master of the Ranch? Although, Dad says Howard is the one who requested them…”), not even his unintentional impact on the family (“I swear if Dad makes me watch A Man and His Dog one more time…”).

All the while Cooper is walking a few paces ahead. Seemingly stoic.

Actually losing it.

What’s he even supposed to do in this situation?? He hates himself, but not like that. Cooper doesn’t have any desire to talk to Vaultie (that’s a lie. He’s good at lying to himself), but suddenly he wants to turn around, finger held aloft in the air (hers), and correct everything coming out of her mouth—whether he truly disagrees or not. Hands-in-belt is a classic cowboy pose. He loved those pants.

Cooper is Struggling™ and they haven’t even hit the strip yet.

Bonus points: Somewhere along the line they get together and Cooper starts angsting over whether Lucy will leave him. Not because of the radiation damage, or the murder, or the cannibalism, but because if she ever finds out he’s Cooper Howard she’ll absolutely abandon ship. Or kill him. Either option seems likely at this point.

Lucy: Are you ever going to tell me your name? Cooper, literally in bed with Lucy post-coitus: …That’s a little personal, sweetheart

[teambyler]

The Stranger Things subreddit zealously protecting the delusion there's "no possibility" of Byler

OMG I didn't see this r/StrangerThings post before, where they talk about the infamous Noah statement where he said it wasn't clear whether Mike and Will's relationship was romantic. The commenters are truly in denial

Look at the comments if you have zero Byler doubt or Minimal Byler Doubt(TM). Because it's all unintentionally hilarious from that point of view. No 3-hour video essay from a lawyer is getting into the thickness that is these skulls.

Here's one comment:

MAH DUDE Noah was talking about Mike and Will seeming romantic from the start, and we all know it was MIKE'S actions giving that impression much more than Will's in s1 and s2!

Of COURSE Noah would know something about the character Will's closest to and plays off of in the show. To think that Noah, who had read the final script, has NO insight into another character let alone Mike is STUPID and IDIOTIC. Do people think actors show up on set and are SURPRISED by what the other actors do? Do they know that this show about alternate dimensions is not a reality show?

Some go so far as to say Noah (a gay man) is queerbaiting Bylers and "is being clever here." (The arguments are getting really desperate now.) On what planet? Noah clearly was uncomfortable, and was nervous because he thought he was being too HONEST. Noah panicking at the question ALONE says that Byler is likely in s5, if you have more than 2 brain cells.

The only other thing they say is "Mike loves El." (Which Bylers don't disagree with lol) Oh and some bullying of course, including one commenter accusing Bylers of being "fanatical and comically certain" when that is precisely what describes the anti-Bylers in that thread reacting to this powerful indication that Byler is not only possible, but likely.

EDIT: I couldn't help myself just now:

-teambyler