#actively focus to do because i just start thinking about something else and lose interest

[aashiqui-aashiqui]

so many little things i don’t have a habit of doing compared to everyone else and im contemplating this

[postcardsfromheapside]

[heavy sigghhhhhhhhh]

Okay, it's 9:30 in the morning, but I don't want to go out in the cold yet so we're addressing THIS instead.

First and foremost, turning Emmrich into the victim (and then whining about the lack of Solas) is what's cringe here. Not only is some of this wrong (Harding only brings up the age issue because Emmrich expresses his own concerns and she then acts as a sounding board for him), but it's getting tiresome to act as if the other companions don't have reasons to voice their opinions (I'm getting particularly tired of people not listening to the exchange with Taash and considering how they might feel). You can apparently consider things from Emmrich's perspective, but you refuse to consider things from everyone else's.

I'll put this under the cut - I hope no one has plans because we're going to be here a while.

A lot of the complaints in the post neatly latch onto individual ones I've run across in the past, so I'm just going to make one big response.

Emmrich is my favorite character in Veilguard, and second only to Varric for the whole series.

But he can be stuffy, snobbish, overly pedantic, he gets into other people's business and loses emotional perspective when the academic focus takes over, is possibly attempting to make a major life change based on barely-addressed trauma, and is prone to bouts of melancholy where he has to be drawn out by his friends and/or lover about whatever is actually bothering him, rather than him communicating his issues. He is not perfect,

That's why it's very interesting in that post to see someone claiming that "no one's bullshit is called out." When the companions "dunk" on Emmrich, it's a two-way street. Sometimes the companion is wrong, sometimes Emmrich is wrong.

Neve and Emmrich resolve their issues peaceably - it's not toothless, it's just that they're both mature adults and neither of them get actively hostile with others if they don't have to. They talk it through over several conversations, and decide the other is fine - good company even! - and move on to sharing Manfred, sharing poetry (you have to read the codex), sharing spell books, joking with each other, they're my favorite to bring out together despite not having interlocking talents.

Davrin and Emmrich start somewhat peacably - Emmrich tries to encourage him that he will find Assan's siblings, and I've gotten dialogue about the books the lighthouse has to offer early on - and then they begin their magic and child-rearing arguments. And Davrin ISN'T IN THE WRONG.

1) while it seems silly to us for Davrin to be a Fade denier, what's more interesting to me is that he points out that in a group of mages arguing about the Fade, there's never a cohesive answer. It's like listening to philosophers or religious experts never coming up with one clear answer about their favorite topics to mentally masturbate over. Davrin likes "science". He's writing a monster manual, ffs. He wants solid answers. One thing I love about Davrin is he's never afraid to call something that's bullshit, bullshit. Weird magical things happening in Arlathan? Bullshit. (and they are) Living in the lighthouse and feeling like it's ooky spooky? Bullshit. (and it kinda is) Questioning the boss about the god stuck in their head feeding them bullshit? 100% should be doing that. You should be listening to Davrin more - he's the voice telling you not to go into the haunted house, y'all, it might save your life.

2) He's also not wrong about Emmrich helicopter parenting Manfred, and almost none of how Davrin handles Assan is any of Emmrich's business, or area of expertise.

We need to stop getting upset at Harding for talking Emmrich through his worries about an age difference (this is something I think Bioware handled badly in that not everyone headcanons their Rook at a younger age, but also, Emmrich clearly has an issue with aging due to his thanatophobia). He shows signs of distress, and she talks him through it and offers advice. For some reason, a large part of the fandom has decided to take his issues out on HER, which is *wild* but not unexpected given the deeply internalized misogyny I've seen displayed. Not only that, but Sylvia herself has come out on Harding's side, because she wrote Emmrich that way.

Getting irritated at Taash is honestly wrong on so many levels at this point. I don't diagnose other people or characters, so I won't get into the ND aspect (it's fine if you relate to it, I'm not stopping you), but I will say this: Taash comes from a completely different culture than Emmrich, which finds using dead bodies so "callously" to be abhorrent, and their particularly sensitive sense of smell makes anything having to do with death even more disgusting to them (have you ever smelled a corpse, or dead animals? My migraines enhance my sense of smell, and make normal things smell awful sometimes) and finally, they are IN THEIR EARLY 20'S AND FULLY ACT LIKE IT. That means not everything they do is going to be as mature as the rest of the party, who are in their early to mid 30's, (and Emmrich was listed as 50-52). You can outright tell Emmrich to cut the shit, and he reels himself back with zero disapproval because he realizes ALL of this in a single second. *He's* the grown-ass man and professor here and shouldn't be escalating their argument. He values Taash, and changes his entire behavior toward them IMMEDIATELY, because *he was in the wrong*. And Taash responds to it, in a positive manner. You do not need to protect Emmrich from Taash.

Even Lucanis refuses to talk to Emmrich about Spite in some dialogue, because he feels more like a academic project than a person.

No companion is explicitly "called out" because sometimes these characters are calling *Emmrich* out. You're just refusing to see that he might be acting badly in his very quiet, stuffy way.

**put a pin in the Davrin/Lucanis bit**

Now.

After seeing a series of screenshots ending with this:

I got a little fixated with finding out which route unlocked this dialogue. It turns out you, as Rook, can romance Emmrich while expressing distaste for death, necromancy, and the undead the entire time - effectively dissing his profession and life's work, to paraphrase the post I linked - and Emmrich doesn't actually disapprove. Any time you can express disaste without missing a flirt option, if you do that, he takes it in stride. And then you can flirt as normal. He is *used* to people feeling this way. I think all Nevarrans are. I rather suspect he doesn't give a shit what the companions think about his job, at his age - he's written books, he's given lectures, he's a senior Watcher. Their opinions don't matter. He's at the top of his game, he has nothing to prove to them. Rook hired him, not them. And Rook? If you romance him, and take this route, his answer to you is: "There's no shame in a little attraction to the forbidden, my darling."

This man is a fucking menace. He doesn't need defending - you need defense against his rizz.

Now, Solas.

Yes, Solas taunts him for being a lich. Solas also taunts Davrin for being Dalish and what he must have heard about Solas from his people. Solas also tries to flatter Emmrich if he remains human. Solas tries to butter up Lace by apologizing to her. It's almost as if Solas is the "god" of deceit and trickery and presents as many different faces as their are people or even aspects of those people. He will present whatever face he thinks he needs to in order to get under their skin, or throw them off their game. Solas doesn't care about Emmrich becoming a lich. He doesn't actually care about any of the companions. He cares about tearing down the Veil. What choices you've made do not matter to him on a personal level except inasfar as he can use you. That's who he is. I hate it for you if you haven't realized and accepted this by now.

There are a lot of people who think Solas and Emmrich "nerd out" in their dialogue, and I just don't see it. I've held back from this descriptor in this lengthy response, but Emmrich constantly displays a very "British" politeness - and he does it when Solas attempts to flatter him in the end game. Emmrich doesn't express a *personal* wish to have a conversation with Solas. He says there are things the Watchers wish to have answered. It's professional for him. Solas kidnapped Rook, someone who, romanced or not, Emmrich spent weeks making a damn good facsimile of the lyrium dagger in order to save. Emmrich isn't going to outright tell Solas to go fuck himself, because he's too well-mannered, and he's got an affinity about spirits. But he's not inviting him over for tea and crumpets.

I don't understand where the idea that Emmrich holds off from flirting back because of the age gap comes from. "I must be sure to live up to expectation" - do you...do you not see that as him flirting back? TBH I think this guy flirts first and then kicks himself because "that's the boss" (and probably gets told about what's happened with Varric) and only REALLY gets serious when he thinks "No, there actually is something here" when Rook has flirted a few more times after that, plus helped him in his personal quest. Age gap be damned. A lot of us did not play Rooks with an age gap, or that much of one - mine was my age, well within Earth "norms" these days.

Okay, back to the Davrin and Lucanis bit.

Saying that Lucanis is "okay because he's an assassin that only kills bad people" is missing the point. Lucanis fully admits that he has only killed people who are guilty by his own yardstick. I'm sure all the companions could agree there are some standards (children) but even in D'Meta's crossing you're faced with a moral choice where not everyone agrees what to do (free the mayor or don't) and it's very clear that not everyone has the same standards about what makes a "killer". So why should you assume that Lucanis is a guilt-free assassin? We know that he frees slaves, we know that he earned a reputation killing Venatori mages. But he demures from Emmrich's excited statements that he "empathizes" with all his victims. There's absolutely no way he was able to vet all his kills, and who decides who "deserves" to be killed? You're meant to contrast this with Davrin's warm empathy for the criminals who join the wardens and become "something better" - the kinds of people who start bad and change into something good, who get a second chance to help and contribute to Thedas society in a meaningful way. But the Wardens have their own dark history, they're often corrupt. Lucanis and Davrin are two *good people* propping up their own suspect organizations, both of which are doing the best they can in imperfect situations. It's like watching a gang member and a cop slowly understand each other.

Please for the love of Andraste. Go read widely and expose yourself to other things and other people. It will help you gain perspective. This is a GOOD game, and not thinking critically about the conversations and choices, or trying to see things from each character's perspective, is what's holding people back from enjoying the richness and replayability it has to offer.

[deathworlders-of-e24]

Jane, Medical Technician

Part 3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Okay, I get you’re the head of the science department here, but your rehab falls under my supervision you know,” Jane said, a little exhausted. She couldn’t believe it had only taken a few weeks for someone on the crew to get seriously injured, although it was completely believable that it was one of her fellow humans.

“I know, I know,” Liz said, waving her new augmented arm. “I thought I could speed it up if I overclocked the neural activity algorithm, but that didn’t work, it just gave me headaches.”

“This isn’t something you can speed up Collins, you can’t just skip parts of your recovery because they’re inconvenient.” Jane sighed.

“Liz, you lost a huge part of yourself, a very necessary part. And you lost it in probably the most traumatic way I can even imagine. You’ve got to let your body and mind heal at their own pace, alright?”

“Fine, okay, alright,” Liz said. “You’re right, I know that, I just want to go back to normal, not adjust to a new normal.” She leaned her head back against the cushioned chair.

“It’s like, part of my nature, to fix problems, improve things, see how they tick,” Liz said. “I clearly have a problem that I can’t solve and my brain won’t let me back burner it ‘till I have something else to focus on.” She brought her head back up.

“Let’s talk about something else! Give me something, anything, so long as it keeps my brain busy.”

Jane just stared at her a moment, thinking. It wasn’t exactly conventional therapy, but neither of their lives were considered conventional these days. What the hell?

“Like what?” She asked.

“Like I heard you pulled a tracheotomy in the mess hall the other day. Used a steak knife and a bendy straw of all things. You could ask me to make you a whole first aid kid with all the latest tech and it’d fit on your belt, I swear. Actually don’t even ask, I’m already doing it,” Liz stopped to breathe, “it’ll be great for emergency surgeries.”

“Well hopefully we won’t have any more emergency surgeries, but if you’re serious and you think it’ll help, by all means, build me something cool.” Jane smiled.

Jane liked Elizabeth, or Liz as she wanted to be called, and as her only Human patient so far, she wanted to be accommodating. Jane had asked if Doctor Huhuma had wanted to run the sessions herself, but Huhuma thought that another human would be better for the patient to speak with. They’d also heard about how interested Liz Collins was in aliens biology and figured she’d be less distracted this way.

She’d lose it if I told her I have lunch with all the Indoprime on board some days, Jane thought, a little smugly.

As if on cue, the door opened and Doctor Huhuma walked in, lab coat on as always, striped tail swishing as she walked to her office. She waved politely as she passed, and Jane waved back smiling.

“Doctor.”

“Doctor.”

Jane looked back to Liz Collins, who as she figured, was staring, but at her and not the alien monkey woman. And she was grinning.

“Oh yeah, this is a problem I can work with,” Liz said.

“What do you mean?”

“Dilated pupils, mirroring, tensing in the shoulders, the way you leaned ever so slightly towards her as she passed by, you’re blushing so hard as I say this, are you alright?” Liz was trying so hard to keep from laughing. “I’m a trained biologist too hon, and you got some awesome brain chemistry going on right now, don’t you?”

“Okay, times up for today, same time in two days right?” Jane said hurriedly, standing up from her chair.

“Look look look, I’m not gonna say anything alright? And this could be part of my therapy, keeping my mind off the arm while the two get acquainted,” Liz said in a hushed tone, standing as well.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, you have no idea what you’re saying, and your mandated therapy hour… still has… 45 minutes. Damnit.” Jane slapped her hands against her thighs. “Okay, but this is strictly therapy, you start getting weird on me and I’m withholding drugs in the future.”

“Hahaha! YES!“ Liz said, cackling.

“Here,” Jane said, handing her a small rubber ball. “Stress toy, but we are going to use it rehab your hand. Squeeze while we talk.”

Liz put the ball in her new bionic hand and tried squeezing. The hand whirred and and twitched, but didn’t really do more than cup its fingers and hold the stress toy.

“Come on, come on, tell me what’s going on here in this daytime soap you call a med bay,” Liz said, staring at her hand and focusing.

“Nothing really. She’s technically my boss, the most that goes on in here is we have lunch together.”

“Scandalous,” Liz said sarcastically.

“I don’t know what to tell you, nothing is happening between me and Doctor Huhuma.”

“But you want something to happen, right?”

Jane didn’t say anything… but she did blush.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The session continued in that manner for the remaining time, and when Liz left med bay she turned back at the door.

“Okay, call me later, we’ll get Coco in on this too, we’ll get you a date by the weekend.” She left laughing.

The science nerd and her talking tree associate were about as useful as those teen romance novels her cousin was always reading.

Did she want something to happen with the good doctor? Dating a coworker, her boss no less, had to be a terrible idea, right? Of course it was, and that was if she even liked her, which of course she couldn’t.

Jane forced the thought to the back of her mind. She had work to do, a paper to write on the cellular structure of the Zilgrat people and their similarities to Earth ferrets. Much like Huhuma’s people the Indoprime, the Zilgrats were so similar to the Terran species that it was believed by some that they might have a common genetic ancestry.

There was a rapidly growing field of thought back on Earth that many alien species had come to the planet in the infant years of their space exploration, like the Galley, and had left behind objects or hybrids, or some other mark of their presence, hence why so many species seemed to have the same qualities as the Earthling varieties. Personally, Jane was more a fan of evolutionary truths, the idea that certain branches of evolution are more adaptable across the universe, like certain species of birds on Earth that keep ‘reevolving’ despite going extinct, or that every form of life eventually turns into crabs.

Just as the thought crossed her mind, Jane heard the med bay door open. She turned, and saw the Scrib man, Ensign Mirn, standing there with his hands clasped together.

“Hello, Doctor,” he said, bowing his head. “I’m here for my check up? Doctor Huhuma said I’d need to be treated for possible infections or complications if any arose.”

“Right, of course. Hop up on the table.”

Mirn bowed again, then crossed the room and climbed up on the exam table. He was about Jane’s height, give or take 5’4, which was normal for the Scrib. While they resembled humans physically, the whole race was on average much smaller than the Earthlings, with light pink skin and almost zero body hair to speak of.

“Are you feeling alright? Any fever or anything?” Jane asked.

“Not really, perhaps my throat is a bit sore, but I wanted someone to examine me just to be safe. I understand there was a used drinking tool inserted into my trachea?”

“Yeah, sorry about that, it’s all I had at the time.”

“Don’t misunderstand Doctor, you are not to blame. You saved my life, something an entire room of officers failed to accomplish. To the Scrib, to perpetuate life is of the highest priority, so I hold you only in the highest regard.”

“Oh,” Jane said, a little surprised, “well thank you Mirn. I was really just doing my job, you know.”

“That is irrelevant, Doctor. On Scribbin, medical professionals are something akin to religious officials. To the Scrib on board the Noah, and this is especially true of myself, it is a matter of course that the Medical Staff are to be shown the highest order of respect and admiration.”

“That’s actually a nice change of pace, Mirn. On Earth, doctors are usually the ones overworked and underpaid.”

Mirn looked aghast.

“Why would such a thing be? Are you not keeping your people healthy?”

“No, it’s just… humans have a tendency to be suspicious of things they don’t really understand, especially other humans who are probably smarter than them. Some bad things happened in our past, so it’s understandable people are still skeptic.” Jane patted him on the shoulder. “We’re getting better though. Science has come a long way back home, so people are relaxing a little bit more these days.”

“That is… most welcome to hear,” Mirn said.

“Okay, open wide and say ‘ahh’ for me.”

Mirn opened his mouth and tilted his head back, making the sound. The inside of his mouth was reddish, same as a human’s.

“Hmm. Your throat looks a little inflamed. Probably a small infection. I’m gonna prescribe you a broad range antibiotic to be on the safe side, okay?”

“Thank you, Doctor Shaw.”

Jane tapped a few keys in her data pad. She went to the medicine locker up and entered her code, pulling the pills. She handed them to Mirn.

“You know the drill right? Follow the directions on the bottle, and you have to take all of them, even if you’re feeling fine towards the end.”

“Of course, Doctor. Thank you.”

Mirn stood up and headed for the door, but stopped when he was halfway out into the hall.

“Doctor Shaw, if I might ask you something?”

“Something else bothering you?” Jane asked.

“No, no, nothing like that. I wanted to ask something of the Medical Staff, if I may?” Mirn said, bowing again.

“Sure, but what is it?”

“Well, we Scrib have a perpetual reservation time for the GRID simulator. It allows us to recreate a ceremonial space from our home planet, something I believe humans would call a… church service? We give thanks to the Spirit Lord, the bringer of life and medicine, and we would be most honored if the other doctors and yourself could attend it with us. There would be food and drink there, a way for us to repay you for what you have done for us.”

“Well that’s sounds very interesting Mirn, I’ll bring it up to Doctor Huhuma later and I’ll send you a message on your comm-link.”

“Thank you, Doctor Shaw. We would be very pleased for you to attend. I’ll take my leave now, let you return to work.”

Mirn bowed again and stepped out into the hall, letting the door hiss shut behind him.

A race of intelligent people who worship doctors, Jane thought. How about that?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Huhuma had agreed, fairly easily, saying it’d be fun seeing another culture on the ship. The nurses had declined, however, saying they were either too busy or didn’t have much interest, which Mirn had said was perfectly alright. The Scrib had no desire to distract the Med Bay staff if they were otherwise occupied. Jane had said she’d go as well, jokingly saying that if for nothing else that she’d feel awkward if she didn’t at that point. When asked what was the dress code for such an occasion, Mirn had said that their medical uniforms were more than enough. Jane had still done up her make-up at least a bit, and ran a brush through her dark hair before giving up and putting it back up in a bun.

Jane stood outside the simulator, clicking on and off a data pad with Scrib customs loaded on it, when Doctor Huhuma stepped off the lift. As usual, she was in her green medical uniform with her lab coat over it, her hair down around her face in a shaggy pixie cut look. Still no shoes. Jane had asked her before, and the doctor had looked at her confused. ‘Why would I wear those things? How would I walk that way?’ she’d replied, laughing that deep hearty laugh. The only thing that was different was her uniform was open, showing a simple woven shirt underneath, showing off a more casual look, Jane guessed.

She must’ve been staring because Huhuma laughed.

“Something the matter, Jane?”

“Nope, no, not at all,” she stammered.

Smooth.

Jane composed herself, or tried to anyway, and they knocked on the door. It opened to show Mirn, smiling, wearing what looked like a sort of toga clasped at his shoulder and tied at the waist with a belt. He was also not wearing shoes.

“Doctors, you honor us with your presence! Please come in, join us, sit anywhere you please,” he said. He pushed them into the room, which had been simulated to look like a Scribbin temple chamber. A wall of stained glass, glowing with dim golden light, behind a tall statue of a humanoid man with a staff wearing a flowing robe, holding a basket full of herbs and other plants. The statue was circled with low tables covered in platters of food and goblets, surrounded by cushions and rugs taken up by the other 3 Scrib. They stood up and bowed to the doctors as well.

“Doctors, this is Lark, she’s in the communications division with myself, and these are Karu and Meli, they work on the engineering deck with the other Human, Thomas.”

“It’s lovely to meet you all,” Huhuma said, bowing her head slightly.

“Yeah, hi everyone,” Jane said, a little sheepishly.

“Now that you are here, we can begin. Sit, sit,” said Mirn, motioning them to the bigger of the cushions. Jane looked to Huhuma, then sat down. Huhuma sat to her left, striped tail swishing.

“Is there anything we need to do, or…?” Jane let the question hang.

“No, no, all you need to do is eat and drink your fill once the food is blessed. The two of you saved my life, therefore you are my guests here,” Mirn said, sitting across from them.

Jane watched as the 4 Scrib held hands and closed their eyes. Mirn began to chant softly, which was taken up by the others a beat later. When she didn’t understand what they were saying, Jane’s translator beeped quietly in her ear, alerting her to an error. The damn things weren’t great at picking up singing. Thankfully the Scrib all had lovely voices, so Jane didn’t mind. Kind of like turning the radio on in a foreign country. You get to hear something nice, even if you have no idea what they’re saying.

Jane looked around at Huhuma, who seemed entranced, smiling and humming along to the chant the Scrib were carrying. She swayed gently, tail swishing, and Jane found she couldn’t take her eyes off her. Huhuma once again caught her, and she smiled all the way up to her eyes. The Scrib reached their hands out to include them in the circle. Jane took the hand to her right, and jumped a little when Huhuma took her left in hers. Jane felt a heat deep in her cheeks and knew a blush was coming, but this time she didn’t care. The moment seemed to last, magically, as if in all the universe this one single passing blip of time belonged solely to her.

Oh crap… I’ve got a crush, Jane thought.

When the chant was finished and the Scrib let their hands drop, Jane held onto Huhuma’s hand for just a beat longer before letting go.

“That was lovely, Mirn,” Huhuma said.

“Thank you, Doctor.”

“I have to say though, what did it mean?” Huhuma continued. “I’m afraid my translator wasn’t able to distinguish any of it.”

“Oh, it was simply a prayer song, praising the Spirit Lord for the bounty of knowledge he’s bestowed on us, as well as for a world of healthy people and the resources to help our fellow lifeforms.”

“What a nice sentiment,” Huhuma said.

“I heard that Scribbin was a haven for medical technology,” Jane spoke up. “Your planet has some of the best teaching hospitals in the GAIL. I’d love to visit one day, attend a lecture or two.”

“All are welcome,” Lark informed them. “Spreading the medical information we have discovered is a tenet of our people.”

“If you don’t mind me asking,” Jane said hesitantly, “if your people are so inclined to medicine, why aren’t you all doctors yourselves?”

“Some just do not have the temperament for it, nor the inclination,” Mirn said.

“Nor sometimes the stomach,” Lark laughed. “You should have seen Mirn during his first aid training on Scribbin. He was trembling like a newborn at the sight of blood.”

“I was merely too… inexperienced,” Mirn said, with some side eye that made Jane chuckle. “Now before any more of someone’s soon to be former friends bring up the past, we should enjoy the feast.”

Lark laughed as the Scrib stood and began bringing over plates and platters of food. Cups and goblets were handed out, large pitchers of something that smelled sweet yet oddly medicinal were set out, and they began to eat.

Jane grabbed a little of everything, wanting to explore more alien cuisine. Huhuma piled on what appears to be several different vegetables and fruits. She poured some the medicinal drink into a glass and held it out to Jane.

“Thank you,” Jane said.

“Of course, dear.”

Jane felt something swish against her back and saw it was the Doctor’s tail, a totally involuntary action she was sure. Jane hid her face in the cup anyway, swigging down the drink. It tasted sweet, with an odd tannin on the end, still with that medicine taste, but it was also very refreshing.

“What is this drink? It’s good,” Jane said.

“It’s a medicinal wine we brought from our home planet. We only drink during ceremonies like this once a month, so we found a way to enjoy it more,” Lark said, smiling as she took a sip.

“Can I have some more?” Jane asked.

“Of course,” Mirn said, sliding over the pitcher. Huhuma steadied the cup in Jane’s hand and refilled hers before pouring herself another glass. Her fur tickled Jane’s wrist.

“It’s alcoholic?” Huhuma asked.

“A very small percentage, we assure you.”

Whatever the drink was, it was good, in Jane’s opinion. The whole spread was delicious. While she was reaching for something, Huhuma took it upon herself to split a fruit on her plate and place the second half in front of Jane. Jane thanked her, particularly conscious of the way her tail kept swishing against her back behind them. She tried to make small talk with the Scrib, asking various questions about their beliefs and their planet, perhaps she could get a tour of one of their hospitals one day?

All the while, blindingly aware of the delightful presence to her left.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Jane opened her eyes the next morning, it wasn’t her ceiling she was looking at.

Oh no, nononononono no, this isn’t happening, Jane thought sluggishly. Her head was pounding, her mouth was dry, and her clothes

-thank you space Jesus-

were still on, if wrinkled. And then she realized she did recognize the ceiling, and the room for that matter. She was in the Med Bay, in the head office, wrapped up in Doctor Huhuma’s hammock. Jane groaned.

“Well good morning to you too.”

Damn you space Jesus, don’t do this to me when I’m this hungover.

Jane looked up and saw the good doctor sitting in her office chair, a hot cup of something in one hand and a data pad in the other. She was smiling, and looking as pristine as ever.

“I’m… my god I’m so sorry Huhuma,” Jane stammered.

“For what? Hogging my hammock all night? I slept in my spare, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Jane couldn’t remember a thing after dinner with the Scrib last night. She rubbed her eyes and tried unsuccessfully to get her feet under her in a way that didn’t relay how out of it she was.

“So when I ask what happened… I didn’t… we weren’t… what happened?”

“Well,” Huhuma said, smiling so wide, “dinner was great. Mirn and Lark and the rest loved us. We had some lovely conversations about med tech and I believe we have a standing invitation to attend another ceremony with them if we wanted.”

“So how did…?” Jane gestured to herself.

“That happened afterwards. You held yourself together very well during the dinner, and afterwards you said you wanted to go have a ‘girls night’ with me. I think that medicinal wine of theirs was a little stronger than they thought. We got drinks in the mess hall, which got a little…” she gestured to Jane. “I didn’t feel like carrying you all the way to your quarters, and I didn’t think you’d mind. And I got to see your reaction, so it was undeniably worth it. You humans are just so cute. Indoprime eat fermented fruits pretty young, so our tolerances to alcohol are high, but you humans… just so cute.”

Jane closed her eyes and breathed a sigh of relief. She hadn’t done anything too overtly stupid. Thank god Huhuma was there to take care of her.

“Well, I’m glad we amuse you,” Jane said, finally getting her legs freed and on the ground. “And… thank you, for taking care of me. I don’t drink a lot, so… yeah. I’m going to go to my quarters and get changed.”

Jane headed for the door.

“Well, I mean, you did give me a kiss though,” Huhuma said. “Remember that?”

Jane froze at the door. She stood stock still, like her body had been frozen in place, except everything felt hot, her face especially. Slowly, slowly, she turned around, and her embarrassment slipped to confusion. Huhuma was standing there with a piece of chocolate in her hand.

“Yeah, you said you wanted to give me kisses, but the Vending Machines you humans installed only made you one at a time, so you got impatient with it and just gave me the first one.”

Huhuma walked over and slipped the piece of chocolate into Jane’s hand.

“I can’t really eat the stuff, so I guess I have to give you a kiss back.” Huhuma was smiling. She was so close to Jane’s face, and she smelled so good… and the she was turning back around and walking back to her desk, tail swishing back and forth.

Jane was speechless. Brain not functioning. Retreat to safe location. She said nothing and just stumbled out the door and practically sprinted to her quarters.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Oh my god, you useless lesbian,” Liz Collins said.

“I don’t have genitalia, does it still count as a ‘girl talk’ if I am present?” Coco asked.

“Why did I bother asking you two for your help?” Jane sighed, face in her hands.

She didn’t know what else to do. She’d sat in her quarters for an hour before sending a communication to the science department asking for a ‘consult’. Liz had shown up 5 minutes later with several bottles of water and enough chocolate to feed an army, but Jane was told that was just Coco’s breakfast. She’d stared at the small confectionery pieces for a while as the two let themselves get comfortable in her room, thinking of a kiss…

“So she just…” Liz asked, hanging the question in the air.

“Yup”.

“After all that…”

“Yup.”

“And you didn’t try to…”

“Nope.”

“You should’ve gone for it.”

“Gone for what?” Jane asked impatiently.

“I don’t know, something!” Liz said. “I’ve never exactly been in your shoes before, or anyone else’s really, but this is basic chemistry right? You have it with the cute doctor monkey lady, right?”

“If I knew if I had chemistry with someone, do you think I’d be asking the person who brought their best friend the tree here for tips?”

Coco sat quietly eating chocolate.

“I have no idea what I’m supposed to do here,” Jane groaned. “Being a human is awful, Coco, we got all this weird biology and chemicals in our brains, you’re much better off as a plant.”

“I can see that,” Coco said. “If you are worried about being mates with the Indoprime doctor, is it not… appropriate to see what they want first?”

“Honestly? Probably. It’s been a while since I dated, and that ended poorly, to say the least. But I don’t have any clue how to… approach this. Besides, this is just a crush, on my boss, who I don’t even know how exactly they feel in the first place.”

“I mean, you spent the morning getting wound up like a spring, I’d say it’s pretty clear, right?” Liz said. Jane chugged another bottle of water.

“Yeah you’d think right? If this was a human, or even just a guy, this would be easier. But she’s so… put together, and mature, and pretty, and…”

“Noah to Jane, reel it back girl, you’re lost out in Huhuma space, hon,” Liz said. “You could check her medical records for a start, check if she has a spouse or something back home, see if anyone is playing goalie,” Liz said, tossing back some chocolate.

“You sound like a guy,” said Jane.

“Still, though.”

“I still do not see why the two just do not mate and spread their pollen-” Coco started.

“Okay, you sweet summer child, that’s not how non-botanical lifeforms do that,” Liz cut her off. Jane was about to burst a blood vessel from embarrassment.

There was a knock at the door.

“Come in?” Jane said, confused.

Marrin was in the room before the door was even all the way open.

“What happened? Are you okay? Did she do anything weird to you?” Marrin asked rapidly.

“Woah, woah, what’s up?” Jane asked startled.

“I heard about last night from cousin Huhuma, I came as quickly as I could. You’re okay, right?”

“Yes, yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

Liz and Coco sat on the bed watching events unfold. Coco handed her counterpart a piece of chocolate.

“Okay, I wasn’t going to tell you this, but back on Indos, she had a… reputation.” Marrin looked at Jane, and the doctor’s heart sank.

“Whenever anyone was even remotely interested in her, she’d basically ruin their lives for a few weeks.”

Huh?

“Wait, you knew I was into her?” Jane asked incredulously.

“You’re not subtle,” Marrin explained.

Damn it.

“What do you mean ‘ruin their lives’, what the hell does she do?” Jane asked.

“Just… violently and publicly rejects them. She makes sure everyone knows it. There was one time when we were younger and this one male wouldn’t take no for an answer, kept coming around and bothering her… they found him the next day tied to a post by our tribe Elder’s home, shaved from head to tail. I love my cousin, dearly, but she is a devil woman.”

“Well… fuck, that’s pretty funny actually,” Jane admitted. “But she hasn’t done anything like that to me, she took care of me while I was… a little sick, last night, and she’s only ever been nice to me.”

“Yeah, nice,” Liz said snorting. “Wrapped you around her fingers, but sure, nice.”

“Oh fuck you,” Jane said, and Liz burst out into laughter, followed by Marrin. Coco didn’t get it, but she made similar sounds, or tried to with her lack of lungs.

Great. Totally confused by my feelings for the pretty space doctor lady, and the only help I’m gonna get is from the tree hugging virgin and possibly the lady-in-question’s cousin. Juuust great.

Well at least there wasn’t a goalie. Jane felt a rush a relief knowing she wasn’t going to, should she make the attempt, home wreck anyone.

“Hey Marrin, what’s the general view on same gender relationships on Indos?” Liz asked.

“It isn’t of any consequence,” Marrin informed. “To go through life with another is a blessing, unrestricted.”

“Well at least you don’t have to worry about that, right Jane?”

“I’ve heard you humans have weird hang ups,” Marrin said.

“The humans are odd in general,” Coco stated. “I believe we are all late for our duties.”

“Coco is right, we gotta get to the lab,” Liz said, heading for the door. “Good luck hon!”

Marrin left as well, saying she’d… stay out of her way, in so many words.

Jane groaned and fell back flat on her bed.

Why was being human so hard?

[liveontelevision]

R and R | Lucifer X OC!Reader

Another! Tadaaa

If i'm being totally honest, i was Stoned out of my mind when i wrote this, so i can't guarantee it's top shelf, but here ya go.

TW: some mentions of self-harm, suicide, but mostly fluff and suggestive stuff

Enjoy ;)

♡♡♡

You stumbled upon the renovated hotel directly after arriving in hell. It was a dark and confusing night, but you hadn't had the easiest life anyway. Barely getting by day to day, with a history of depression and self-harm, sometimes your only solution to your problems was to keep walking forward. So you did just that, leading you to a fantastical hotel that seemed to be giving away free rooms.

You entered the lobby, covered in dirt, blood, and whatever else was on the streets of hell. You worked as a waitress, and on an especially rough day, your break time was spent taking your own life. And here you are, in a pink and white striped, vintage uniform dress. Along with a little apron, that still had written orders on it in your pocket.

Looking an absolute mess, Charlie immediately took you in and fixed you up before rambling about the redemption aspect.

It was a miracle that you stumbled upon the clean and comfortable rooms available. It wasn't anything that fancy, but after being on the streets until your end, this was heaven.

After appreciating a significant amount of pampering, a hot shower, comfortable clean clothes, and a cushy bed, you were introduced to the rest of the hotel residents. Everyone seemed lovely, some.. interesting.. personalities, but nothing you weren't too intimidated by. Except for Alastor. The tall, shadowy figure put you entirely on edge, and you hated to admit that you were actually afraid of him.

Moving on -

You've been a resident at the hotel for 6 months! They did say redemption would take a while, but at this point, it was becoming hard to believe.. Still, in reality, why would you leave? You created a chosen family that can't be compared to your living family in any aspect. Not to mention the slightest crush on the king of hell himself.

It was something you were ignoring for weeks, but his humor and caring nature was too hard to ignore. The fact is, you start noticing little things when you develop feelings. How his eyes sparkled when he looks at Charlie, and fiddled with his ring when he became anxious, and how his hair get's messier when he seems stressed. You assume that he doesnt really take care of himself when theres too much on his plate.. it almost made your heart ache just thinking about it.

You also notice how he unconsciously flinches at the slightest touch, even to Charlie. From the sounds of it, he hadn't been this active and social for years, so physical contact had to have been sparce.

It was just because he was working on things.. yeah, important things!

Of course, its your anniversary of arriving at the hotel, so you were welcomed into the lobby that night with banners, balloons, some sloppy cookies, the works; everyone was there to celebrate your progress. The night consisted of a heart-felt speech from charlie, some disturbing accessories gifted to you by niffty, and a lot of drinking. Lucifer was prone to getting lost in a conversation, especially with you. And even moreso after a few rounds of whiskey. Very late into the night, you finally noticed how everyone had gone to their rooms, leaving you and Lucifer in a passionate conversation about whatever important project he was currently working on.

You found yourself facing him entirely, your knees brushed against his side with every roll of your barstool. You were too intoxicated to notice his small reactions to it. Occasionally, it would cause him to stutter or make him lose his focus. You were rudely dissociating while he talked, noticing his hair was slightly messy. It must have been another long day.. A small piece of hair fell into his face, but he didn't do much about it, continously blowing it out of his eyesight and combing his fingers back through his hair. It was all you were able to focus on while he spoke, almost to an annoying extent. You let out a sigh and simply brush the hair out of his eyes during one of his stories. You leaned back and propped your elbow on the bar, waiting for him to continue on after he stopped talking for some reason. It finally clicked that you may have overstepped his boundaries. He was blinking his widened eyes, just a slight blush across his cheeks. You gasped, covering your mouth with your hands.

"Oh! Oh- Lucifer i'm sorry i didn't mean to make you uncomfortable or anything I just-" you rambled an apology out before he snaps out of his fazed state. He quickly calms you down;

" Nope! No-ho-hope you are great. Fine! You're fine, it's fine.." his drunken babbles dug his grave. He groaned and laid his heads in his hands for a moment.

"Just.. i've been alone for so long, you know? I always get a little nervous when people do that.. type of thing..." He leaned up, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck.

For some reason, your only thought process was to try to calm his nerves any way possible.

" S-sooo.. do you want, like, a massage or something?" That bold comment was never something you'd say to royalty, even to ones you've become close with. Lucifer's eyes grew even wider as he stuttered nonsense.

You slap your forehead, "Fuck! Lucifer, i'm drunk i swear.. i'm sorry. If you manage to remember this night after blacking out, do me a favor and forget this whole thing, okay?" You rambled.

".. Yes."

It took you a moment to process what you just heard. You looked over to him, his shoulders were tensed as his hands clenched fists onto his thighs. He was looking away, biting the inside of his mouth, possibly to stop him from saying anything else. You blinked, a small smile spread across your face, just seeing this powerful demon acting all embarrassed.

"Okay. Sure, yeah!  I mean.. if you're comfortable, i.. i don't mind doing it." You responded. There was no reason to debate this, playing it off as a bold response. Lucifer gulped, his face only getting hotter with every word.

He takes a few deep breaths," Fuck it.. Listen, I trust you." He smiled at you, the kind of smile that made your heart melt. You try to switch the topic as the two of you moved up to his room, simply to avoid the dreaded awkward silence. You got into another friendly conversation about something unimportant, that will have been forgetten in a matter of hours.

You've been in his workshop once or twice. It seemed like he kept the doors locked often, probably nervous about anyone seeing the mess that was inside. It wasn't too bad this night. He did have to swipe a few rubber ducks off the couch, so there was a place to sit, though. Lucifer plopped on the couch, his back stretched heavily as his head leaned over the back of the head rest. He rubbed his shoulder in this relaxed position, seemingly stressed just by being in a place he associated with work. That didn't stop you from taking a mental photo of him in this state. He wore a white shirt, decorated with puffed sleeves that were rolled to his elbows, and a small ruffle coming from the neck line. He crossed his  legs in his regular heeled boots and began to explain some work he was struggling with. He brushed his hair back into place again, looking to you as he did and noticing you were still standing. He cocked his head before silently slapping the cushion next to him.

" So.. how we gonna do this?" He tries to play off the suddenly intimate moment with a jokingly flirty voice.

"Ah! Right, well.. you could - face this way, and i'll just -" you quickly sat with your legs underneath you and take a hold of his shoulders, moving his body to have his back face you.

"Ookay. So.. um, tell me if this is.. uncomfortable, okay?" You decided to set that boundary for him, and he nodded in response. He looked down slightly, revealing his neck to you, already relaxing his shoulders.

Your hands hesitated for a moment just reaching out to him. Finally making contact, you noticed a familiar little flinch, making you pull away immediately.

"Sorry! Sorry, go ahead.. uh- please.." he muttered. You nod and try again, your hands touching his shoulders much slower than before. He slouches his back towards you, letting out a satisfying sigh just a few moments later.

You moved your massaging hands from his shoulders to his shoulder blades, then to his middle back, then slightly lower. As you focused on specific areas that simply felt harder to dig into, you occasionally ran your fingers up and down his spine. He shuddered every time, making you do it just for the reaction at certain points.

You brushed another spot near his side, that made him flinch. It took both of you by surprise, being simply one of those spots on your body that make you jump. He let out a sudden hic, turning his head back to you. Your eye contact felt long overdue. The couch wasn't very large, his actions left him just a few inches away from your face. You hold your breath, worried that he'd hear how fast your heart was beating. You take the sudden interruption as a chance to make a suggestion.

"Can I.. can i do your- uhm..." You pointed to his chest, implying what you were too nervous to say. He almost stopped to think for a moment before shifting his position to face you directly. You let out your breath and looked at the nervous demon in front of you. His face was rosey pink, his eyes half lidded. You take out another quick breath before reaching back up to his shoulders. You dug into his shoulder and collarbone area, nervous to go any lower. Your thumbs traced the divots of his collarbone as your fingers reached up across his neck momentarily. He melted into every movement, his body moving with the direction of your hands, his eyes finally resting shut.

You got as lost in it as he did, the massage suddenly turning into your hands lightly tracing over his features. You could tell he only needed the slightest comforting touch to relax. Your fingers traced down the center of his chest, then made circular motions over his abdomen, then back up, tracing across his arms and squeezing his palms lightly. He flexed his wrists as if he was about to hold your hand in his. You were embarrassed to admit how excited that madd you for a moment. While running your hands near his sides, you accidentally reach into his partially untucked blouse. You both gasp and pull away, giving each other the same wide-eyed face. Lucifer was first to break eye contact. He looked at your hands for a moment before letting out a brave breath and unbuttoning his shirt from the front. You cover your eyes and stammered out.

"Woah-woah! It was an accident you don't have to do this if you-"

"Oh! Shit! Ah-hah.. i'd.. i mean, i wouldnt mind... if .. you.. wouldn't?" He bashfully replied, covering his previously unbottoned chest.

"No, i don't mind.." Your responses were becoming more confident, uncovering your face. You almost smile at him but become too flustered watching him remove his shirt. He let his top sit at his waist, simply pulling the shirt off his shoulders. His skin was like porcelain, smooth and white, and surprisingly cold to the touch. Your hands pressed on his chest, attempting to heat him up with your warm hands. Either you pushed too hard, or he expected something different, but Lucifer follows your hands and lets you essientally push him back to lay on his forearms. You can't handle it. He looked so amazing in this position. You both mentally decided that it was best to just not question this increasingly intimidate moment.

You resume running your hands across his chest, noticing his breath changing. After just a couple minutes, he was putty in your hands. His forearms were shaking and gripping the edge of the couch, ready to give out. Then he finally gave in, making him drop his back to the cushion of the couch. You followed his movements as the position slowly shifted, and your knee moved in between his legs, trying to keep up with his slouching torso. He's breathing heavily from his lips, his face a tomato red, while he can barely keep his eyes open. You enjoyed his reaction too much to ruin this moment, but god, you were desperate to be closer to him. You swirled your palms down his torso and abdomen, tracing his v lines until you lightly grazed the hem of his pants.

You stop yourself, pulling your hands away and keeping them close to you, hoping to hide your heaving chest until you calmed down. It takes him a minute to tune back in, looking up at you with concern and slight disappointment. His eyes darted around for a moment before sitting up and breaking the silence.

"You.. uh.. you want to stop? You've done more than enough, trust me, Way more than.. I.. erm.. fuck it. If you're not up to it, it's okay.. but-" he stopped his mumbling, to slowly pull out his 3 sets of wings. To comfortably adjust their size, he had to essentially curl them in your direction. Being as large as they were, they were nearly encasing the two of you together. You shrink back, curiousity hitting you before he could properly ask. You ran your hand across his feathers, simply intrigued by their color and softness. He let out a soft yelp, making you pull back again. Again, you two give eachother a wide eyed stare, not sure how to follow up that kind of reaction. At this point, you finally let out a snort and started to laugh. It was quick to lighten the mood, as he joined you.

"Keep going." He smiled at you, a beautiful sparkle in his red eyes, as he reached out to take one of your hands. He took that hand and gave its palm a small kiss.

"Ooh~ i'm honored, your highness." You teased. He responded with wiggling his eyebrows and sending a joking smirk in your direction, hoping that would conseal his excitement to your words.

It didn't, really.

You gently take your hand from his, and continue running your fingers across his feathers. They flinch at any contact but still folded into your hand with a longing to be held. His flirtatious demeanor immediately folded, letting out another sigh. He became a bit vocal this time, letting out low hums every now and then. And sometimes, he would attempt to hold his eyes open just to look at you. He wasn't sure if you could tell, being too concentrated in your work, but he didn't care. He loved the view. His breath became heavier again, but with the close proximity and his wings keeping you two close, the area became very heated.

You send a puff of air close to his feathers, letting out a small chuckle at his sudden shock. The laughter between the two of you slowly dissolving into sweet smiles. The light was slightly dampened by the coverage of his wings, yet you were still able to see his shifting eyes. He leans towards you, breathing slowly. In response, you place your hands back on his chest, causing him to sit back up a bit. He almost looked upset for a moment, being stopped from moving towards you. You gather the courage before moving in closer, your legs nearly overlapping each other at this point. You lean in just a few inches away and shut your eyes, allowing him to finally make the decision to meet your lips together.

The teasingly long tension from this intimacy seemingly burst. Lucifer's wings pull back, tucking back behind him. He breathes heavily into your lips, his head swaying in the direction of yours, still melting into your touch. To keep him from completely collapsing, you keep your hands firmly on his chest. His arms tenderly grab yours, just needing something, anything, to anchor himself. You pull away after a while, allowing him to catch his breath.

Even in this winded, flustered state, you could both tell this is something he's needed for a long time. It was a long night, following every desire that he was too embarrassed to ask for and loving every moment of it. It felt so good to give this sweetheart something he didn't realize he needed; something he deserves. You end up leaning your back on the couch arm, his back flush to your chest. Your fingers were running through his hair slowly, providing a very satisfying scalp massage. The warmth coming from you body, and him unknowingly using your chest as a pillow was more than enough to lull him to sleep. You couldn't remember if he was awake at the time, but you continued to plant a small kiss on the top of his head before falling asleep right underneath him.

---

You sit up quickly from your sleep, immediately wincing at the light coming from the workshops' windows. After taking a moment to get used to your throbbing head, you finally took in your surroundings and then the flood of memories of the night before hit. Your eyes went wide, and you groaned into your hands. Despite this reaction, you were so glad that you remembered last night. You finally notice a blanket over you and a large duck plush underneath your head, which made you smile until realizing Lucifer was gone. Your chest dropped, immediately thinking of what you could have done to make him leave you here, alone.

"Feeling like shit, my love? 'Cause i sure am!" His voice comes from the door, in an entirely joking tone. You quickly turn to see him, letting out a sigh of relief. The king of hell made you fucking pancakes. He wear a little apron protecting the same shirt he wore the night before, and placed your plate at a nearby table. You hobble off the couch, groaning from the stiffness of your body. Lucifer was quick to pull out your chair, and push it back in once you were seated, the table set with a variety of fruits, the tall stack of pancakes, a small glass of water, and a large mug of coffee. Clearly, that was what you went for first. The drink shot you awake, noticing the freshness of the ingredients and its preporation. You take in a large fork-ful of hotcakes and let out a stereotypical hum.

"You're amazing, Lucifer." You mumble out of your pancake-filled cheeks. He places his hand on yours, simply smiling at you from the side of the table.

"Thank you, darling. I really needed that.. like Really needed that." He huffs out, becoming embarrassed again. He didnt even stutter holding on to your hand. You finish off your food, having some light conversation that came easy to the two of you after last night.

Alastor's broadcast chimed through a nearby radio, "Hellish morning, residents! ~ I'm sure you all had a restful sleep after your nightly activities! Your planned activities for today include ... "

Alastors voice quietly fills the room, announcing some of the exercises Charlie had planned for today. His phrasing made you nervous, as if he knew what you were up to. It also gave you an uncomfortable flashback to a high school P.A. system.

" I should get going then, right? Busy... trying to be redeemed.. and stuff. You know." You slide out of your chair, letting out a nervous chuckle, not seeing his strange reaction to you mentioning redemption. As if he were scared to lose you to heaven. Before you have a chance to look back at him, Lucifer is wrapped around your waist. He shifts to stand into the embrace, as close as he could be. He leaves a hand on the small of you back, and the other on the back of your neck, his clawed fingers entangled in your hair. It takes you a minute to hold him back, just from the shock, but you held him tight, closing your eyes and nuzzling your nose into his hair. That's when you notice how lovely he smelled.. probably an apple scented shampoo. -And how he never flinched to your touch after that night.

♡♡♡

I left this one pretty suggestive, because i haven't really written smut before. I might rewrite this if anyone's interested in it going that route tho!

[pinkeoni]

genuine question: what do you even like about mike? like honestly every time i go through your blog there is a new post about how people mischaracterize him so it makes me wonder, what do you like about him if all you see is some plain ass dude who has nothing going for him? or hell, do you even like mike at all?

i agree with you on a lot of things: i think will is gnc and is based on female horror tropes. and i don't think that mike is an incompetent clockable gay who gets bullied for nail polish and gets swept off his feet by big buff hero will. etc etc. like i get that, and i get that it's annoying people turn mike into something he's not.

but then i see some of your other posts, like the fact that you seem dismissive of theories suggesting mike may have mental health issues. or that he's self-sacrifical. or he has issues with his family (and ofc, disclaimer that i don't think the wheelers are abusive people). and it confuses me, because the concept of mike struggling with stuff is not inherently "babygirl"—yes people can make it annoyingly babygirl, but it just seems like you're against any struggles that mike has if they overlap with will's. this is different from people giving mike will's story (having an abusive alcoholic dad, being bullied for outward gayness, etc.) these are just broad concepts that these two can share.

so i guess that aside from my original question of what do you like abt mike/if you even like mike, i wanted to ask what you seem to think mike's struggles/conflicts are. or i guess if your answer is that he has little to no struggles, i can see why you treat him as though he is the character equivalent of white bread — which i will have to agree to disagree with, i guess.

Hello anon,

I do like how devoted Mike is to his friends, especially in the early seasons, although we see him starting to slip away from that later on, especially in season 3. I do think he has trauma from losing El in season one and his fear of losing her is so great that + societal expectations of the 80s that I think part of his struggle is learning to let El go so he can get back to what made him a strong friend in the early seasons, and of course finally reckon with his feelings for Will.

Yes, Mike is a main character, but I feel that his strengths come from when he is supporting others. We see how sweet he is when he is taking care of El in seaosn one or how dedicated he is to Will on season two. I think that his strongest moments come out when he is fighting for someone else.

I don't entirely agree with many of the analyses on here that focus on Mike's mental health and family struggles. By all means, I don't want to discourage people from analyzing him, but that doesn't mean I have to agree with it. Like you said anon, agree to disagree.

It's interesting you say "it just seems that like you're against any struggles that mike has if they overlap with will's" because back in my day (2022) it seemed to me that the perogative of Mike stans in the fandom was the make Mike the paragon of trauma and mental illness, even if it meant taking aspects of other characters arcs and then barring said character from their own story.

Patrick wasn't actually meant to be a Vecna victim, it was Mike. Will can't be Vecna'd next season (despite having a pre-existing connection to him) because Mike has to be Vecna'd. Will can't have internalized homophobia because Mike does. The Byers have a better home life than the Wheelers despite the actions of Lonnie Byers leaving their household financially and emotionally dependent on their oldest child. I think a lot of these Mike stans are no longer super active in the fandom (or I blocked them) although I do sometimes see this type of thinking slipping through the cracks here and there.

I'm going to answer your question "do you even like mike at all?" I'm going to propose a question back to you: "Why do I need to?"

I like Mike enough. Like I said I like his devotion to his friends in earlier seasons. There are plenty of characters that I enjoy more than him. I also make it pretty clear on my blog that Will is my #1 fav. There are definitely plenty of people in the byler fandom who prefer Mike to Will or even don't like Will, and honestly that's fine.

[savebylou]

Hi❤

I've never posted or reblogged anything at all ever because I didn't see the point and I find the thought so scary. This is like my safe space - and exept from sending an anonymous ask sometimes (It was not until quite recently I had the courage to and felt safe enough to do so.) - I kind of don't want anyone to see me. But now I am considering to start reblogging posts that I like instead of just liking them. Because I've seen a lot of posts recently about how important it is for fandom and tumblr itself.

I know that there's probably a lot of posts out there about how to use tumblr, but do you have any tips about how/where to start? And can you go back and write tags on your post after you have posted them or is that impossible?

Thank you for being here, I think you are very important to this fandom and I love your blog. Hugs from me❤

Hi anon! Sorry for the late response. First thank you for sending your ask, the last part of your message make my day, I really need it that. I think is amazing you had find the courage to send asks and interest to reblog content that is wonderful. This is a long post so answering below resources of how to tumblr and tutorials:

I totally understand the feeling of just wanting to see content, I was a lurker for months before I really have the motivation to start being active and it can feel intimidating sometimes because is not something we used to do, but with time you start to feel comfortable.

For resources here are some:

1.This post explains some basics of how to tumblr, how to use the tags, some suggestion in your profile and just general recommendations of how to behave on tumblr.

2.For personalize your blog: I recommend this post of making your dash in chronological order and this one about shorter posts. Also how to put some basic info in your bio (I will said that you don't need to put some much details of you, not even your name depending of how much you are comfortable to share, but the basic is just changing your profile pic and put some info like what you like or something along those lines so people know you are not a bot).

3. For using gifs in posts this is very useful.

4. How to find a post.

5. Protect your blog from AI resarch propouse.

6. I like this post reflecting on the reblogs, how your blog is a space to collect your shiny fandom objects. I see it as like my dairy of the fandom, post and reblog what you like to have this as a memory.

7. In case you want to make a post but don't want anyone to reblog your post.

My advice on how to tumblr:

1.Curate your own experience: Follow the people that you enjoy their content, filter the tags that you are not interested to see (I will put below how to), in case you keep seeing content for someone you disagree and don't like unfollow or block them.

2. You can reblog without the need to write tags or you can write tags, that is up to you.

3. Always be kind and if you don't like a post don't engage with it, ignore it.

4. Enjoy! Tumblr is to have fun, the moment that starts to not being fun, reflect of what you need to enjoy it or put some boundaries that you need so it doesn't affect you.

5. Don't overthink it. It feels very intimidating when everyone has their own mutual bubble but this is a very welcoming fandom if you follow people that you enjoy.

6. Try not to worry so much about follows, likes and reblogs. People come and go, you stay true to yourself regardless of who follows you or don't, is hard to get someone to follow you especially at the beginning but just try to focus on your blog and having fun.

7. Don't be afraid to interact, send asks, or talk in the tags, people enjoy it as long as your are kind. I will also say don't spam the asks hehe, if you want to share your thought make your own posts as well.

8. If you are a creator: In case you want to create something and share things do it for yourself and no one else. Is hard to get people to see yor posts but still don't lose the joy to share content regardless if people see it or not. I will add that for post of your own creation add tags so more people see it, for example if is about louis put the tag #louis tomlinson (there are also some especific tags that other blogs follow to reblog creators let me know if you want them).

Tutorial:

-Filter tags: This is super useful to not see content that either you are not interested or is triggering. First you go to Settings>Account

After this you go to the part Filter Tags and click on the edit icon on the right.

It appear a space where you can write the word or words to filter, when you are done you click on add.

After that it will show you this:

You can add filter tags as much as you want or remove them in case you need it. On your dashboard the filter content will appear like this:

Only if you click on view post you will see the content otherwise it will always look like that the filter tags. The only problem is when people don't use tags so you can't filter those posts.

-How to edit tags: About your question on edit the tags after, you can totally go back and add tags after. Here is how:

This is a post of a reblog I made, in the right corner there is a icon of a pencil that means you can edit, tap there.

It will show you either your tags or the post without tags:

You start writing in the add tags. The trick for the tags is that you write your word or phrase and to end your tag you tap the # that will automatically save that tag and let you go to the next one (there is a limit of words for each tag but you can still write in the next tag). When you finish you click on save and your tags will be save.

And because my brain is half a meme a funny post about reblogging.

I hope this is useful and not very confusing. Let me know if you have a specific question and I can make you a tutorial or share resources.

Thank you again for your ask, your motivation to want to reblog and for your sweet message it means a lot.

I hope you have a lovely day/afternoon/night. Sending you a big hug too.

[manic-pixie-aquarius]

Soooo I haven't been active on here but here's a snippet of a short story I started writing last month! Idk, lemme know if any of you find it interesting bc I'm thinking of refining it and then putting it on Ao3

It's mostly from Mike's POV but switches to Will's at one point too. Takes place in a theoretical post-s5 Snow Ball? And this is post Mileven breaking up so Mike is reaaaally deep in his pining over Will and the painting hasn't been fully addressed yet bc things just got back to normal and everyone's tryna have fun

Here:

I must look like a sulking idiot sitting here at this empty table while all my friends are having fun, but I can’t bring myself to enjoy the moment, there is still a lot on my mind and I can’t believe everyone is acting like nothing happened. Max and Lucas are dancing together again and after the song ends El comes back to dance with Dustin. 

I feel eyes on me. 

“Don’t feel like dancing?” Will asks me. 

I look up, startled that I didn’t hear him coming. I just nod no. He takes a seat next to me. 

“Me neither” he says with a scoff. 

I smile, maybe for the first time tonight.

“I’m honestly too tired after all that setting up” he continues. 

“It looks nice” I say, taking in my surroundings as if I haven’t done so already multiple times tonight. It does look neat. 

Will smiles.  

“So, what about you? Why are you here? Dustin and Lucas seem to be having fun over-” he looks back to where they were dancing earlier but now Dustin and El are dancing alongside Lucas and Max.  “oh” he says, then gives me a reassuring look, “sorry.” 

I shake my head, “it’s okay.” 

Some girl approaches us and we both look up. 

“Um, excuse me I was wondering if you’d like to dance” she says reaching a hand out flirtatiously towards Will. 

“Oh! Uh, sure” he says, and gets up, and they slow dance to a slow song. 

Hey, if we can solve any problem 

Then why do we lose so many tears? 

Oh and so you go again 

When the leading man appears 

I do another scan of the room and everyone is dancing, some couples kissing, probably for the first time. Jonathan is very reluctantly dancing along to the song because Nancy has forced him to. Ew, romance. I have to focus on something else. I look to the punch table and see Robin and Vickie talking, laughing. Everyone is having a good time, its honestly sickening. I can’t help but look back at Will and suddenly the lack of emotion I’ve been dealing with all day turns into a pit at the center of my stomach as We Belong by Pat Benatar plays. I have to go. I get up and rush through the crowd and push the double door to the gym maybe a little bit too aggressively because some couple on the other side of the door have these offended faces and the guy says, “what the heck?!” and he has bright pink lipstick marks on his face. But then he sees the tears in my eyes and decides to leave it alone. I walk towards the bathroom. 

“Why didn’t you do something?” his girlfriend squeaks. 

“Did you see his face? Probably got rejected. Babe, you know how I feel about that, you rejected me a year before I got these sick guns” he says and flexes. I roll my eyes and then as soon as I get into the men’s bathroom, I cross my arms on the sink and put my head down and start to cry, hoping nobody else is in here. I hear a toilet flush and someone walks out of the stall, great. At least it’ll be a stranger and not one of my friends. 

“Wheeler?” I hear in a familiar voice. Steve. I try to stabilize myself before lifting my head. I look up to him and he says “ohh, shit.” 

To Be Continued...LOL (I have a lot more written and the next part is my favorite because it's Steve giving Mike advice but...you'll have to wait)

[fruitless-vain]

So Yoshi is a service dog. Does Sham have a job too?

Also, do dogs enjoy learning commands? Is it more like play or a chore for them?

Shams job is keeping his brain cell between his ears, it’s a really rigorous task that consumes his whole day but someone’s gotta do it 😔

(Yoshi is the only SD in my home, Shams ‘just’ a pet. He knows how to retrieve certain items that are too heavy for Yo which he’ll do for me from time to time at home but that’s it for him)

Whether or not a dog enjoys cued behaviours tends to depend on a couple variables - how that behaviour was taught, the dog’s personality, and their history with the behaviour

How it’s taught:

If you teach a dog to walk loose leash by kicking them (exaggeration, don’t do that) every time they walk ahead you’ll eventually get them to stop walking ahead of you but they won’t be doing it because they enjoy it. They’ll be walking behind you because they’re scared and stressed by the potential outcome of walking ahead.

If you offer rewards for walking by your side they’ll be walking there because they’re excited about the potential outcome. They’ll end up enjoying loose leash walking because the anticipation of the rewards is firing off all those happy chemicals in the brain making the activity reinforcing and enjoyable.

(There’s so much more nuance to this but you get the idea)

The dog:

Some dogs were bred with following human cues in mind, by default their brains want to receive information from someone, they can find joy in the mere principle of getting a direction (herders, retrievers, etc)

Some dogs were bred with independence in mind, their heads need to be able to problem solve independently, or be focused on the environment (sled dogs, guardian breeds, etc.). As such they might not be as engaged in traditional behaviour=reward sequences and therefore less suited for service dog level behaviours.

Within breed categories each dog will have their own personal preferences, what they find rewarding, how long they can hold focus for, how much they actively want to work. Yoshi, my SD, a herder, can hold focus and react to cues on a dime for hours, she can do repetitive training sessions multiple times a day without losing motivation or eagerness to participate, she can get the same single piece of kibble as a reward for a month and not get bored of it. Sham, my northern mix pet dog, can focus for about 15 minutes on a good day, loses interest in repeated cue sessions, needs loads of breaks, and values environmental rewards over much else.

Both can be taught basic cues and have fun with training sessions but some will not thrive in more intense training settings that don’t line up with their personality and breed traits.

History with the behaviour:

Even if all the stars align, you trained the behaviour where the dog highly enjoys it, the dog is highly motivated, and everything seems perfect you can end up with a dog that hates the behaviour just because of something that happened one day.

If I’ve asked my dog to sit 200x and nothing bad happens and she’s excited to do it then one day I ask her to sit and a blast of lightning and thunder goes off behind her and scares her heavily it’s possible that she will be afraid of sitting again. The environment poisoned the cue for her, if it was scary enough she could think that sitting might make the lightning occur so she’ll be averse to sitting out of fear for that lightning again.

If you feed them from a certain bowl for years, hide medication in their food one day and they find it + it’s gross they will start to be wary of that bowl and potentially avoid eating anything from that same bowl again (or avoid that food entirely). One bad experience poisoned both the eating behaviour and the container itself.

(This is a huge reason why SD handlers hate seeing pets in not pet friendly places, one bad experience while the dog is in gear can cause them to anticipate being attacked by a dog any time they go to work. Causing the SD to have to retire early)

For the fundamentals of cues and training a dog /should/ enjoy it! The whole point of training is that it’s a fun enriching experience for the animals involved, it makes communication a two way street, makes living with one another easier, and allows for compromises to be made for the benefit of everyone. Any dog Can enjoy basic training, sometimes you need to get creative with what rewards you use, and sometimes training looks like one singular rep instead of 15 minutes of repetitions. Training gets their brains thinking, enhanced problem solving, and is overall a very enriching game.

When we’re talking in the service dog degree of things we absolutely do not want our dogs to feel like any of their tasks are “chores”, a dog who loathes their tasks is unreliable, doesn’t like their job, and will usually end up retiring early. You want a service dog to love their job, a dog who’s excited every time they’re needed, who gears up for work readily, and wants to work, is a dog who is actively looking for things to do, is paying attention for scent alerts, is responding to cues promptly and efficiently, is ready for the worst case scenario. A dog who doesn’t love their job is a dog who might not pay attention to a scent alert, who might not respond in an emergency, and a dog that’s ultimately just unhappy.

If a behaviour is seen as a chore then something went wrong down the road and we need to evaluate if it’s something we can fix or if it’s something the dog just doesn’t enjoy. End goal for any training is always for the dog to be an eager and excited participant who’s having fun with the entire process

[princeasimdiya12]

Nyan Nyaight Love Continues? It's Time for Action!

I was genuinely suprrised that we're still getting more Nyan Nyahight Love segments. Given how conclusive the last segment was and how dark the narrative has become, I thought we wouldn't see them until the last episode.

And no lie, I was a little unsure if I should make this post. Other fans have made their own posts for this segment and they seem to get the hang of finding the symbolism in Bucchigiri's Greek Chorus. I tip my hat to everyone who put their critical thinking skills to use with this part.

That said, I would like to throw my hat into the fray and share my own thoughts for this Episode's segment. Hope you like it!

Episode 10: It's Good to be Popular. Right?

We begin our segment with the Customer who's jittery and excited to enter NNL while even sporting a gift bag for his beloved Jasmine. He goes in before he's spotted by Marito and his inner circle. The Receptionist greets him and goes forward with getting his usual.

But just before he can get the ball rolling, he realizes something. Jasmine has been booked and won't be available for a good while. But that's okay, the Customer can just wait. Right?

Then the Receptionist has more details on her schedule.

So as pretty much every other fan has guessed, Jasmine being booked parallels Matakara keeping himself busy with the other banchos and delinquents. On his quest to fend off the shadows per Ichiya's orders, he has to take on as many opponents as he can to boost his strength. Starting from the now powerless NG Boys to their former rivals at Siguma Squad.

As for how the Customer parallels Arajin here? Well here the Customer is showing genuine interest in Jasmine and is wants to pursue her. While Arajin isn't actively pursuing his Jasmine (Matakara), he is being more thoughtful of his former friend's situation and how he's changing. Even spending less time away from Mahoro (per her demand) so he can focus more on him and his current situation.

I would also say that the Customer's stupefaction of Jasmine being booked can serve as a parallel to Arajin's reaction to Matakara's change in personality. The Customer never expected that his beloved Jasmine would be involved with other customers despite visiting her so easily in the past segments. So it comes as a surpise that she suddenly became so popular and too busy to spend time with him.

And in regards to the main plot, everyone knows that Matakara was the least likely among the bad boys to pick up fights on a whim unless given a serious reason. Even Arajin knows that his old friend is too sweet-hearted to do such a drastic thing. But to his and everyone else's surprise, he's shown a change that none of them expected and is becoming "popular" for all the wrong reasons. And he's too busy beating up everyone that he won't even pay attention to Arajin. Which fits with how Arajin always had easy access to speaking/interacting with Matakara for some time now but took those opportunities for granted because of his quest to lose his virginity.

As for the Receptionist, I would like to point that he doesn't go back to being silly or whimsical after explaining Jasmine's busy schedule. Much like how the colorful bad boys who appear in this episode turned out especially grim after their run-in with Corrupted!Mataraka. His old friends are worried for his new violent urges and question if they actually knew him.

Hagure and Jabashiri feel utter disappointment in themselves for losing. Jabashiri, the scary one who was prone to anger and hostility, was crying for crying out loud!

And everyone is in shock and fear after Corrupted!Matakara vanquished Marito in combat. Normally there's applause and praise for another feat of brutal violence among their resident bad boys. But this time, there is no praise. Only silence and dread.

The bancho world is out of whack and is in no mood for carefree fun with these new developments. Much like the Receptionist lamenting to the Customer about Jasmine's new schedule.

Also, something I want to bring up is how this is the first time the Greek Chorus actually interacts with the main characters.

Not counting the first episode where Arajin goes to his new school, this is the first time where the Customer aka the Homeroom Teacher actually interacts with Arajin. He was grateful that he was the only one who stayed and actually cared about his studies.

But his words of hope end up having a different but much needed effect on Arajin.

Remembering Shigaraki's warning of how Matakara's life is on the line and how he doesn't have much time, Arajin gets some character development and rushes out to see his old friend to figure out what's going on. He even resorts to ordering Senya to come out and speak with him not just for trying to steal his body but also to figure out how to save Matakara before he loses his body. It's all proactive and a significant change from how Arajin normally acts.

And it's all because the Homeroom Teacher, our Greek Chorus, provided him with some relevant keywords to our designated hero on the crisis at hand. It can be speculated that HT being unable to see Jasmine the other day was what inspired him to say those particular words to Arajin. How time is of the essence and the important things in life can slip by if you take them for granted. And if he loses out and doesn't act, then he'll lose that chance until who knows when. And not wanting to let Matakara be lost, Arajin pushes on.

And those would be my thoughts on this segment. Looks like Nyan Nyaight Love has more stories to share and I'll definitely have some words to say about them. And I'd love to hear what you guys have to say about these segments too! As for any new readers, what did you guys think of this Episode's segment? As before, please feel free to reblog this if you agree with what I wrote, disagree or have another interpretation for this scene. So if you think of something, please say that you know.

“Do you know? Do you know? Do you know what this means?”

[good-to-drive]

what do you admire about each beatle?

I love this question!!! I think it's easy to experience the recognition of pain or maladaptive schemas as something like pity (or even an inherent criticism, if you're in the "nice people have nice feelings" camp), so it's good to reaffirm sometimes that people can struggle and still be admirable and that admirable people often struggle.

For the moment I want to set aside the fact that they were all immensely talented and successful because, as much as I do admire that, I think it probably goes without saying. Rather, I want to focus on what I find admirable on a personal level.

JOHN

With John, I think it's his high level of insight. Not just insightful in the normal sense -- although that's very true, too -- but insightful in the psychological sense.

“[Insight] encompasses at least three fundamental characteristics: the awareness of suffering from an illness, an understanding of the cause and source of this suffering, and an acknowledgment of the need for treatment.” via Harvard Review of Psychiatry

I know on the surface this might sound bland, but it's really, really not. It's hard to describe how significant it is to be able to say "I'm in a state of distress but I'm not going to shoot my mouth off because I know later I won't be" when you're actively reliving a childhood trauma, or "I was afraid of the fag in me" to describe his treatment of homosexual men, or "I beat my wife because I felt a need to control her," but suffice to say the average person won't achieve that level of self-insight, honesty, or emotional differentiation after years of therapy.

In a sense, insight is the ability to exist inside of a deeply distorted, deeply painful reality and realize that reality has been distorted and your perceptions cannot be trusted. It comes from a willingness to face your pain and do the horrible fucking work of untangling it, and John was so immensely dedicated to that work, even when the right methods may not have been accessible or even in existence.

I know the presentism in our perceptions of mental illness gives rise to stupid ideas like "if he really wanted to get better he would have," but the truth is it's so powerful to be faced with a severe illness that is hurting you and everyone around you and keep fighting it even when it's apparently hopeless. Most people don't do that.

PAUL

I'm having trouble finding the right word for the quality I most admire, but I think it might be "force of will."

An example would be pushing the beatles to keep going even after everyone else was starting to lose interest (we know via Ringo that we wouldn't have the last few albums without Paul), which is obviously an expression of work ethic and determination and commitment, but there's another quality there, too, that manifests in so many ways throughout his entire life. It's almost a kind of confidence, but not really, because I think we can fairly say that Paul had a lot insecurity, too.

Rather, I think it's the seed of belief necessary to pursue any creative field or ambitious project -- not so much that you always think you're going to succeed, but that part of you believes that it's possible and that you deserve it. People joke about Paul not being self-aware, but self-awareness is not a universally good thing, and part of the counterpoint to self-awareness is the ability to pursue your dreams. The courage to want things that you might never get, and to believe that you deserve them. Without that, you're not getting anywhere.

There's an expression that there's a day you're born and a day you find out why you were born, but I'd add the caveat that figuring out why you were born is meaningless unless you have the guts to do something about it. And Paul definitely had guts.

GEORGE

This is another quality that's a bit hard to describe, but I think what I'm trying to articulate is the act of reaching out to other people and creating points of connection. Or, the desire and courage to do so.

Obviously there are stories about how empathetic he was, such a good listener, compassionate, interested in other people, etc. But I think this quality also manifests in how widely and deeply loved he was by his contemporaries, how forming long-lasting friendships and then doing the work to maintain those friendships was such a defining aspect of his life. How he seemed happy to have intense relationships with others as an equal or as a student, not just as their boss or idol. He genuinely wanted to connect to people on an individual level, as peers, and to support them and be supported.

There's also a conversation to be had about how earnest he was about his beliefs, which I know some people find cringey or even didactic, but you could also argue that earnestly expressing what you believe without indirection or plausible deniability is a very sincere bid for connection. Earnestness opens you up to mockery and fault-finding, and a lot of people absolutely find it off-putting, but it's also the only real cure for isolation. And it seems clear that George did not want to be isolated, he wanted to experience sincere connections with the people and the world around him.

There's also probably a conversation to be had about humor as a bid for connection, and how his tendency to take himself lightly is more an extension of that earnestness than a counterpoint to it, but that's a discussion for another day.

RINGO

I know people often admire his level-headedness and his patience -- and it's true that he's almost superhuman in that respect -- but, to be honest, I think that may partly be an expression of Ringo's addictive personality and emotionally neglectful childhood which arguably put him in a position of being extremely distanced from his own emotions/needs. Not that I don't think it's impressive to be able to absorb nearly infinite distress, but I don't necessarily admire it.

Rather, what's more admirable to me is his capacity for change.

I always find him the most relatable, not so much because I find him similar to myself (though that's also true), but because he's such a typical Male Figure in my social context. He's a total stand-up guy who would give you the shirt off his back and then turn around and be, by his own account, absolutely horrible to his wife and children. Which is a bizarre contrast, but also a very common one, and in a way I think that perceived normalcy makes him feel almost touchable to a lot of us. Like he of all the beatles actually existed in the real world, or at least in a world that exists for us as well.

I also think the sheer normalcy of "nice guy who's not so nice to his family when he's been drinking" creates the illusion that he's not worth exploring and that's why so many people ignore him in their quest to understand the group, but that's also a conversation for another day.

What's sort of profound and incredible about him, though, isn't existing in the real world but changing his world. Moving from someone deeply familiar, close enough to touch, to someone untouchable but inspiring. What I'm saying is that he got sober after decades of heavy drinking and, apparently, has stayed sober for thirty years. Which seems to heavily imply that he likes being alive more than he likes being numb, which is a major accomplishment for anyone with an addictive personality.

It's like he started here on earth with the rest of us, and then stepped through a portal into a different reality, and ceased to be at all touchable or real but instead became aspirational, or happy. It makes it seem like that aspirational, untouchable world could become touchable to all of us, too. Like it's not our inherent nature that makes us happy, not the world we're in right now, but the capacity to change our world by changing ourselves.

[bubblegump-1-nk]

As She Walks By pt. 4

- summary: Theodore and you are just best friends (or not), but when he finally hooks up with the Hufflepuff girl who’s had a crush on him for years, things may start to change

- based off of the song Heather by Conan Gray (a little bit), set in three perspectives: yours, Theos, and the Hufflepuff girl (an OC I called Althenea Circ). I made you a Gryffindor but if you want to change your house just imagine whatever house I want.

- warnings: insecurity, angst, not really cheating but idk, typos probably, cussing, toxic relationships, kissing(?) (these warnings apply to the upcoming parts so you might not see some of them in some of the parts, if that makes sense) I think that’s all but tell me if you find anything else pls!

- Your POV -

“This way!” I whisper to Hermione, both of us trying to hold in our giggles.

We were running through the corridor trying to find a bathroom, an activity that can be quite hard when drunk.

“I think it’s this way!” Hermione whisper to me, our arms linked together.

We go down a hallway and begin to turn the corner when we hear voices.

“Who is it?” I asked Hermione, who was closer to the noise.

She discreetly turns her head around the corner and sucks in a breath when she sees the culprits.

“What? Who is it?” I ask, interested by her reaction.

“Althenea and Wesley!” She says, looking at me with wide eyes.

“Merlin! Ok, be quiet so we can hear.” I say, and we shuffle closer and get very quiet to be able to hear the conversation.

“I mean why would he even kiss me? I’m not even half as pretty as her. And he thinks I don’t notice how his eyes wander to her whenever she’s in the room and the way he tries so hard to just be close to her or… or to make her laugh! And the worst part is I can’t even hate her because she’s such an angel. But honestly at the same time I kind of hope she gets hit by the Whomping Willow or something!”

Wesley softly giggles at the comment and then says “Look, I know this is hard and I’m sorry that Theodore is annoying, but you are so perfect. And if he can’t see that then he’s twat!”

Althenea stays silent for a moment her sniffles echoing throughout the corridor. Then, she finally says, “No, I’m the twat. For thinking that I could ever have a chance with Theodore when perfect Y/n L/n is running around.”

Hermione and I looked at each other. I had a suspicion she was talking about me but this just confirmed it. The other two girls are silent so I quickly grab Hermione’s hand and say “C’mon!”

She follows me absentmindedly and we walk towards the two girls. When they see us their eyes to wide, and their breath hitches.

“Excuse me, do you know where the nearest bathroom is?” I ask.

Wesley let’s out a breath, thinking I hadn’t heard the conversation and begins to respond but Althenea quickly interrupts her.

“I’m sorry y/n! I really am. I didn’t mean any of that, I just… I’m just angry that Theo doesn’t want to be my boyfriend. And I’m just jealous because he seems to like you.”

I stare at her for a few seconds, not knowing what to say.

“Don’t worry, I understand. But I think it’s best you tell him that, otherwise the three of us will continue hurting.” I say, and after a few beats of silence I leave, dragging Hermione behind me.

-Althenea’s POV-

I walked back into the party, focus only on finding Theo. I had wiped my eyes to the best of my ability but I seemed to be losing the battle against letting my tears out again. After a few quick moments, I found him playing beer pong with a bunch of other guys. I mustered up enough courage to do what I needed to do, and walked up to him.

“Theodore, we need to talk.” I said, loudly enough for him to hear.

He looked surprised at my confidence and quickly nodded before putting his cup down.

“Uh oh, someone’s in trouble.” Said Dean, which caused all the boys to laugh. Theo sent them a look before following me into a corner.

It was quiet for a bit, Theo looked at me expectantly. I just wanted to bask in the last few moments of us. The Theodore Nott and Althenea Circ I wished would happen. The one that never would.

“Well, get on with it.” He said, trying to sound kind.

“I… we’ll I just think we should stop seeing each other.”

His eyebrows shot up and he let out a breath, “Well alright then.” He said trying to hide a smirk.

He began to leave but I put my hand on his shoulder, stopping him. “Wait! I’m not done yet.” He turned around, exasperated.

“Listen. What me and you had it was nothing special, I know that now. But I didn’t then. I thought that we could be something but I was wrong, I can admit that. But can’t you admit that maybe you were wrong to for leading me on?”

He looks at me softly and then says, “Yeah. You’re right. I shouldn’t have led you on. Sorry.”

“Thank you. And I think we both know the reason why we didn’t work out. There might be other reasons but I’d like to think this was the only one. So, for me or for you, it doesn’t matter, but, just please, don’t mess it up with her.” I say, I look into his eyes for one last time and see only confusion. Then I get on my tip toes and give him a kiss on the cheek, the last one, before leaving the party.

- Theo’s POV -

I sat in the fairly empty courtyard on a bench doing my Divinations homework. The sun was shining bright but there was still a light breeze which made the weather bearable. I hadn’t seen much of Althenea since our “break up”, but when we did see each other a small wave or smile was usually given and returned. After that night nothing had really changed, other than my strange relationship, but I had noticed something different between us. We weren’t fighting or anything but I felt a rift. It was small, really small, but I could tell you were pulling away. I was trying everything to stop it, and even more than everything to get my mind off of it. That’s what I was doing now, but reading tea leafs wasn’t helping.

Suddenly a shadow came over my face and I looked up for the reason. It was you. You’re beautiful face. The one person I was truly, 100% sure I loved, my beautiful y/n.

“Teddy, I have to tell you something. And I’ve tried to hold it down but I can’t. I just can’t. So I have to tell you now. Or else I’ll regret it. But you just have to promise me something. If you don’t agree with me please, please promise me we can go back to normal.”

I looked up at you confused and worried. Nothing you could say could make me think of you differently, but either way I nodded and held out my pinkie for your to grab with yours. A smile spread across your face and after we let go of each other you took in a deep breath and wiped your hands on your skirt.

“Ok, um… well before I say anything I just want you to know that I’ve put a lot of thought into this, so it’s not a mistake or anything. I’m sure of it. So well here goes, I love you Theodore. And not in just a friendly way, I mean I really love you. And well, I just had to tell you because I would hate myself if I never told you because there’s always that tiny, tiny chance that you feel the same way.”

My heart dropped.

- Your POV -

I stared at you and you were silent. Completely silent. My heart was beating so fast and so loud I was sure it was going to pop out of me. And I sort of hoped it did because by your lack of response I thought you didn’t feel the same way. After a few more moments of silence, i got my answer. And I couldn’t take it any longer, so I gave you a tight smile and then walked away.

I felt dizzy and my hands were clammy and shaking. My whole body was shaking. I felt like I need to vomit and my eyes were welling up with tears. I was almost to one of the hallways when I felt your grip on my hand. Great. You turned me around so that I was looking directly at you. It was taking everything in me not to cry. You grabbed my other hand and held them up to your chest.

“I-I thought that I was dreaming when you said you loved me. And I had to take a moment or two or three to realize I wasn’t. Because y/n, I’ve dreamt of this moment for years, and I couldn’t believe it had finally come. And you know why I dreamt of it? Because I love you y/n, more than I ever thought possible.”

I looked into your eyes, and suddenly I was smiling, I was smiling so wide it hurt.

“I love you!” I exclaimed, fore jumping into your arms.

My arms were wrapped around your neck, and yours around my waist. You spun me around as we both laughed before you set me down.

“Can I kiss you now?” You asked, your firm hands holding my cheeks.

“Please.”

Our lips crashed together, and nothing had every felt so right. Your lips were soft and the kiss was tender yet hungry. Our lips moved in a synchronized fashion, as if we were meant to kiss each other. My hands found your neck and I held onto it firmly. As if if we let go of each other we would fall apart. I deepened the kiss and soon our tongues were discovering new parts of each others mouths. After what seemed like ages we had to pull apart, no longer able to ignore the fact that we were out of breath.

We stayed looking at each other, our eyes searching each others faces and our smiles wide. Then you went back in for a second kiss, and just as you did so a cheer was heard.

“Wooohoooo, finally!” The voice said, which caused us to pull apart to find the culprit.

Althenea Circ.

I cant believe I just wrote two parts in one night, I should probably get some sleep. But I hope you enjoyed the ending and this series as a whole! Love ya.

[senespera-ffxiv]

also this is the only time I'm gonna post twice in a row but I finished up my thoughts about dawntrail in my media list so I'm posting them here completely unedited

//spoilers for like all of dawntrail

a more detailed rating is that this is like a 4.7/5. It’s a solid story, if a bit boring and cliche for some of the first half. I do enjoy how clear-cut the story is in terms of thematic content, though, and how through and through it is an exploration of differing cultures and the ways in which you can understand them

The second half was also an interesting continuation of said exploration as it gives you a culture that is in direct opposition to you with ways that are so alien, and yet continues to ask that you understand them while also criticizing the more inhumane effects of those cultural practices

making it about me again but it’s basically just my stance about criticizing China. A lot of the criticism becomes extremely sinophobic because it simply rejects the culture without first trying to understand it. It’s a bit easier for me since I’m deeply steeped in said culture, but I do think it’s possible for someone who isn’t Chinese to criticize China in a non-sinophobic way

Idk just a lot of the way Wuk Lamat and the others handled their reactions to Alexandria felt like a good way to do that to me

Like it’s nowhere close to being as insanely character-driven as shadowbringers and endwalker, nor is it as interestingly politically technical as heavensward, stormblood, and certain parts of endwalker, but it’s still definitely Good. Just not as good in comparison to the rest (and even then I’d rank it above Stormblood lmao I didn’t have any moments where I was actively annoyed at the characters for losing brain cells and shit jksdlfhskldjf)

My ranking for the expacs would be something like this

Shadowbringers > Endwalker > Heavensward ≥ Dawntrail > Stormblood > ARR

Gameplay-wise, though, oh my God this Fucks. This Fucks So Hard. Way better than Endwalker.

I imagine this is kind of what it felt like to play this game back in Stormblood and early Shadowbringers where things were much more complex and messy on the player side, except this time the complex and messy stuff has bled into the normal content boss design and I am enjoying it so goddamn much

(disclaimer: I started playing at the very tail end of shadowbringers so while I still remember some shit like old monk back when it had positionals on all of its buttons, I am mostly A Young'un. I did not have to experience the dreaded TP management, nor have I gone through all the stages of grief with Summoner getting reworked every fucking expansion lmao)

Part of the reason why I love doing EX trials is because at that difficulty level they aren’t afraid to do some just batshit things that would cause you to lose it in normal content

and now it’s bled into normal content hell yes

For reference my two favorite EX mechanics so far are the Biting Halberd combo from Zurvan EX (death puddle under boss → giant cone → baited aoes → tank cleave) and the add phase from Hydaelyn EX (both tanks get an add and have to pull them away from the glowing crystals while party dps’s them, rotate once the glowing crystals are dead)

Like obviously I’m biased cuz I’m a tank and those are largely tank mechanics (cuz yes if you forget to move properly in the Zurvan one as MT you just kill your entire party so I kinda count that as a tank mechanic) but more importantly I like them because of how dynamic the movement is.

And they’re dynamic in different ways, like Zurvan’s is extremely rigid. You will dance in this specific manner (back → tank right, everyone else left) or else you die. Hydaelyn on the other hand can be a bit looser and you have at least a bit of room to do different strategies (ideally it’s a “everyone focus down one crystal at a time” situation but the like three-five times I’ve done the fight the positioning has always been very loose as long as none of the glowing crystals are getting tethered).

And a bunch of fights in Dawntrail are doing stuff like this that feels like a dance

Like the first example I can think of is Ar1/R1/whatever we’re calling it when the boss flings out a sequence of like 8 aoes across tiles before hitting you with an uppercut that sends you flying into the air and in order to not die from said uppercut you need to position yourself so that you land on an uncracked tile

The second iteration of this where it’s the clone that does the uppercut and the main boss is hitting you with line stacks is my favorite because that’s where the amount of stuff you do starts to offset how slow the actual mechanic is to make it feel like you’re in a time-sensitive dance and if you step wrong you’ll fuck things up

Another good example is the final boss The Queen Eternal which just. aughhhh I love that boss. There’s so many fun ideas being thrown around in there lol. You can really tell that Zeromus from the Endwalker patches was intended to be a test run for some of the mechanics in this fight because both occasionally devolve into randomized Chaos as you try your best to just Not Get Hit by aoes can you tell I loved the mechanic when she deploys her drones lmao

LIke okay last thing to yell about but Absolute Authority is literally just a mini Relativity mechanic from E12S/Big Bang from Zeromus but more chaotic and I absolutely loved it

Plus the more chaotic nature of the mechanics in this fight serve a bit of a narrative purpose, especially when you consider how desperate Sphene is at this point in time

Like she doesn’t give a shit about keeping up appearances she will kill you as best as she can, “random bullshit go” included

And both of those mechanics also force you to do more dynamic movement, only now it's typically erratic and panicked compared to the more methodical and freeform dances of Zurvan and Hydaelyn EX respectively

We need more insane shit in the gameplay of the normal mode stuff keep doing it Yoshi-P

[smytherines]

001| Curtwen and 002|Owen Carvour for the ask game

Oooohhh thank you!

001- curtwen

When I started shipping it: I watched Spies for the first time in late October or early November 2023, and I liked it but I didn't think about it again until January 2024 when I decided to rewatch it. The second time I watched Spies they broke my brain, and I've been here ever since

My thoughts: *45 continuous minutes of stressed out laughter* oh boy. Um. So many thoughts really, but most of them center around curtwen making me incredibly sad

What makes me happy about them: I genuinely believe they loved each other. That they bantered and bickered like an old married couple, but that they really tried the best they could to be together, even if most of the time they had to be apart. I believe Curt when he talks about how Owen was his best friend, and I think Owen felt the same way right up until the fall

What makes me sad about them: everything else

Things done in fanfic that annoy me: making pre-fall Owen into a heartless monster who is borderline (or just outright) abusive to a helpless, dopey babygirlified version of Curt. Those versions of the characters are unrecognizable to me

Things I look for in fanfic: for their relationship, whether working or romantic, to feel like an actual partnership with two people who genuinely care about each other. I'm also just a sucker for great banter

Who I'd be comfortable with them ending up with, if not each other: nobody, it's very much a "they were made for each other, do not subject anyone else to these men" situation for me

My happily ever after for them: actually I wrote a whole fic about this! But it would just be them getting out of the spy game and running off somewhere, just having a little house together and finally getting to have a real relationship

Who is the big spoon/little spoon: I think they switch it up. Maybe with Owen being the big spoon a little more often? I do think the fandom overlooks Curt's big spoon potential though

What is their favorite non-sexual activity: is it cheating to say spying? I think Curt would despise stakeouts at first because he can't keep still, but the more they work together (and especially once they get together) I think they would both start to kind of enjoy stakeouts because they get to talk and spend time together and not necessarily have all the pressure and stress of the other parts of their job

002- Owen Carvour

How I feel about this character: oh boy there aren't enough words. I could focus on so many things here, but they all come back to disability eventually. While Owen Carvour isn't established in canon to be disabled after the fall, in the real world you do not get up and walk away after a fall like that, especially not after a building explodes on you. In the real world, the most likely result would be broken bones, traumatic brain injury, spinal cord injury, burns from the explosion, etc. There aren't a ton of canonically disabled characters out there, so disability tends to be something that has to be read subtextually like this, often in the origin stories of antagonists or villains. The whole become disabled become evil trope.

I find myself with a lot of empathy for characters who go through something horrifying, something that would be disabling in the real world, and their grief and trauma manifest in horrifying ways. People who are not perfect victims, who spiral and lash out and lose themselves and ruminate, who turn their pain into ammunition. Grief that manifests as sadness and crying and self-hatred tends to be a lot more accessible and relatable than grief that manifests as boiling white hot rage. But as a disabled person who thinks of Owen as a disabled character, I have a lot of empathy for the rage. Maybe I shouldn't, but I do.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: just Agent Curt Mega

Non-romantic OTP: I love the idea of Barb and Owen being friends. I think they definitely had some interests in common and would've been such an interesting dynamic

Unpopular opinion of this character: I guess one of my most unpopular opinions is that I think it does a big disservice to the character and the story to reduce Owen down to a petty ex who was always sort of like that, who wants nothing else beyond petty personal revenge on the man who wronged him. To paint it as a toxic reaction to a bad breakup instead of a massive trauma that left him seriously injured and isolated and heartbroken, that stole his entire life from him.

I absolutely believe getting revenge on Curt was a primary motivation for Owen, but I don't think he planned to torture or kill Curt until Curt interrupted his arms deal. I think Owen lost his identity, his life, his job, his relationship, everything that mattered to him in the fall, and if Curt hadn't come back and chased him down, Owen would've been satisfied operating from the shadows and taking (from his perspective, at least) the only thing Curt actually loves- spying. But I don't think that's his only motivation. By the time we meet DMA, Owen has already been working with the Baron for some time, he definitely would've started this project before Curt ever came back, so I don't buy the idea that he started all this to lure Curt in. I think its giving Owen a bit too much credit to suggest he rigged the entire scenario. I don't think Curt personally being there was part of the plan, I think it derailed the plan.

A spy destroyed his life, him being a spy destroyed his life, his agency and his partner abandoned him to die, having a secret with another man ruined him. I get why he wants a world without agencies, without spies, without secrets. He is going to single handedly dismantle everything Curt ever believed in because those are the things Owen once believed in, the things that put him in that facility and led to him losing everything

It is about Curt, but its about a lot more than Curt too. I think Owen would be very aware of what the British government would do to him if they knew he was gay, I think he would be very aware that global superpowers like the US, UK, & USSR are working on surveillance technology, that someday soon somebody will hold all the world's secrets. I think he feels like he stands a better chance with Chimera than he does with the government that would imprison him or force him into "chemical castration" if they knew what he was. A government that left him for dead. His ideological reasons for joining Chimera as just as interesting to me as his personal reasons

One thing I wish had happened in canon: the villain monologue and the staircase scene have Owen laying out all his ideological reasons for doing what he's doing, beyond insulting Curt he doesn't get personal about anything, even when Curt tries to bring up personal things between them. I get why there wasn't, but I do sort of wish there had been a line or two that really expanded on what "the horror of staying alive" meant to Owen, some tiny glance at what his post-fall world was really like. Something that slips out and Curt tries to pull at that thread and Owen just shuts it down, or the thought of it makes him even angrier. Things end the same way, and I do think Joey Richter does an incredible, incredible job of making you feel something for Owen in the staircase scene, but I do wish we had a little bit more of a mask-dropping moment

My OTP: curtwen

My crossover ship: I would not inflict these men on anyone else

A headcanon fact: uhm. Shit. I've already typed so much so let's keep this simple- I headcanon him as autistic

[kakashi-posting]

This one is gonna talk about trauma (vaguely but still) so if that's not something you want, you've been warned. Largely it's more of a focus on the influence trauma has on Kakashi and how I think he'd learn to heal because I'd rather write happier thoughts than just angst.

I think there's some interesting stuff you could write about with Gai helping Kakashi handle his trauma. Kakashi has this shift in healing that I really think could be interpreted as learning to heal with Gai at his side.

I imagine Kakashi is avoidant of physical touch that gets better as he grows up. He actively doesn't want to hurt anyone so he's reluctant to even touch people on the shoulder, he shies away from hugs and startles when others try to touch him. Usually keeps himself a little further away from people in a group setting, just enough to feel like he's keeping them safe.

I also think it's Gai who helps him a lot with this. With all their competitions and Gai just generally communicating love through touch, I imagine it's just something Kakashi doesn't notice getting better until there's significant progress. There are still times where Kakashi struggles with touch but Gai finds a good balance with him of respecting his wishes and ensuring that his touch stays a familiar safe presence and keeps him from being touch starved. The times where Kakashi initiates things like fistbumps always results in such a sincere smile from Gai like he's given his friend the best present he could have asked for.

Being guarded and untrusting. There's probably multiple reasons why. He doesn't want to hurt others, he's afraid of himself, he refuses to lose more people - just naming a few. But this is a common enough response to trauma. Again I think it's Gai who really helps start the shift here.

Kakashi would still care deeply for people he lets in even if he comes across as distant. But I imagine Gai is just an unwavering support system for him. I'm talking like laying on the floor in his bedroom together talking about the latest flashback, just letting Kakashi blurt out everything on his mind with no judgement no commentary until he's done. And even when he is, just a reminder that he's there for him, always will be.

I'm talking like Gai being able to get Kakashi to open up to him even if he can't do that with anyone else. Regular check ins when Gai knows something's wrong from the small slips in facade when Kakashi relaxes enough around him.

And I'm talking Kakashi in return being there for Gai. Immediately able to recognise the attempt to hide a negative emotion and trying his best to meet Gai in the middle. A little hesitant to reach out and console him but not allowing himself to pull back, commited to try and help as he figures out what to say. Speaking softly and calmly with gentle movements to show Gai he's safe with him.

I also think that Kakashi knows how important it is to have Gai in his life. When he confronted Sasuke he claimed everyone he loved is already dead, not allowing anyone to understand the depths behind his friendship with Gai. Refusing to have a target placed on the person who never feared him being too much or too dangerous.

The whole silly rivalry they portray highlights some of their dynamic and brings out better traits in Kakashi that his distant act doesn't allow normally. But it also keeps them safer, keeps them able to be there for each other.

[aashiqeddiediaz]

tbf some of us are complaining about this feeling like eddieana/bucktaylor again because it feels like an unoriginal rehashing of those storylines, not just because of love interests per se

but is it? is it really?

before i say anything, i want to preface by saying that everyone is entitled to their own opinion about things, and that being disappointed with how the season ends is a valid feeling to have. except the way that this has spiraled through fandom with all these comparisons indicates that no one's really understanding the use of these storylines to begin with. that no one's taking it with any amount of grace, between the constant negativity, review bombing, etc etc and that's why it's frankly annoying.

yes, there was the whole thing about this potentially being the series finale, and if that had happened, it would've sucked, but it didn't. there are still many stories to tell about this whole thing, why not focus on that?

back to your ask:

eddie, this whole season, has spent time fretting and spiraling about not wanting to be alone, now that he's actually in a place to move on from shannon - who, as we've found out this season, has potentially been his only partner before ana.

think about the way that it is only this season that pepa starts to set him up, and that it's only this season that he even considers it, even if it's for his aunt's sake and he wasn't initially happy with it. think about the way he's been going to frank to unravel some of these feelings, that he and chris are talking more openly about shannon, that eddie is allowing himself to feel his grief so he can carry the weight of it better.

marisol, regardless of how anyone feels about her, comes in front of him and he feels a spark of connection with her at the hardware store. and this time, christopher himself encourages eddie to call her, ending the conflict we saw at the beginning of the episode where he was trying to text her.

eddieana and eddiemarisol are very different just on the basis of how he reaches out to her. it remains to be seen how they intend to continue it, but for the purpose of his arc this season, he's taken the step, his son is on board, and he's moving towards a relationship where he feels less of the grief of losing shannon. those are three securities that eddieana did not have, because eddieana was how eddie was trying to move on from shannon's loss, while eddiemarisol is what he's doing now that he already has.

as for bucktaylor - natalia, whether we like it or not, gives buck something that no other character on the show gives, just by virtue of not knowing him. him dying isn't a tragedy to her the way it is to everyone else, and for buck, who's still grappling with the loss of his life and all, that is a big thing for him to find somewhere.

it's easy for us to sit here and say "eddie sees him" or "how does someone who's known him for 3 seconds know him better than all his friends" or "she sounds too fascinated" but buck does not get afforded the same view that we do. he is an unreliable narrator, going through the things that we see from a bird's eye view, almost.

yes, there are multiple parallels between bucktaylor and bucknatalia but again, those are things we see, as viewers. they're not things that buck is going to notice right off the bat.

that ending scene with the couch - if we absolutely must with this specific interpretation of the theory - ali and taylor both came with couches. this is one where he's taking an active role in purchasing it for his apartment, an active role in pursuing something that'll make him happy. will it pan out? who knows. but where his story stands right now, it's miles different from where buck and taylor where at the end of s4.

and if it's buddie goggles that we're trying to view this through, then i absolutely do understand the disappointment, but with s7 coming up, and so much more for them to flesh out (because 911 does sometimes spread storylines across multiple seasons), there's going to be a lot more to come.

anyway this got very long, but my point basically is that i don't understand how this feels like they're rehashing storylines because when i take a look at the path towards the decision they made with ana and taylor vs marisol and natalia, it couldn't be more different.

[mdhwrites]

Reccomendations for cartoons to watch include: Gravity Falls, Adventure Time, Regular Show, the later seasons of MLP Friendship is Magic (for the sake of completing it and being able to properly evaluate the show), Steven Universe, DuckTales 2017, OK KO, Big City Greens, Star vs the Forces of Evil, Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur, Kim Possible, Hilda, Helluva Boss, Scooby Doo Mystery Incorporated, She Ra 2018, and the Ben 10 franchise.

I actually still have another ask that is mostly this same list but I think Hilda and Helluva Boss are new. Mostly responding because something I find interesting about myself given how ruthless I can be with TOH is that, well...

I probably will never truly be able to be some big reviewer because when I start disliking something, I drop it. That's actually the big reason I'm responding is because there is NO WAY I am watching the like 4+ seasons of MLP:FiM that I didn't watch because I just can't engage with stuff I dislike. I find no joy in it and while I can rant for a couple episodes, it just loses my interest.

I never seek things out because I think I'll dislike them. I just don't think life is enjoyable that way. It's why I have no plans to return to Helluva Boss. I absolutely believe people would potentially send me asks about it with how polarizing it is but I got to the episode when Moxie and Blitzo are interrogated, went "Ah, I see, the two characters I hate the most and don't even find funny (Stolas and Blitzo) are the actual main characters and the pilot was potentially kind of a lie for what the real focus of the show is. I'm out." And I haven't watched an episode since. My brain struggles to click with media after all so why would I bother with media I actively know I dislike already?

I'll comment on a couple others that I have at least had experience with on the list in a minute but since Amphibia, I've watched the first season of Craig of the Creek and think that show is just AMAZING. There's at least one episode I keep wanting to do a blog on just because it exemplifies how much the show understands the wonder of fantasy and childhood without actually being fantastical. I've also seen S1 of SpyxFamily and some of S2 but right now the only streaming service I have consistent access to is Hulu (the Disney+ I was borrowing cancelled theirs to swap to Hulu) and they only have S1 dubbed of SpyxFamily.

I'm hoping to sometime soon actually watch Over the Garden Wall finally and just have been kind of a mess as of late as for why I haven't yet. I've heard only good things, and shockingly few spoilers, and it's about time I gave it a proper shot.

ANYWAYS:

Steven Universe: Watched the first episode and only really liked Greg so just didn't bother watching more. Steven was fine but I actively hated all three of the gems because of how brain dead they were in both segments of the episode. As far as pilots go, I think SU might genuinely have one of the worst I've ever seen for convincing you to like a main cast.

Gravity Falls: I rewatched the first episode recently and went "This is oooookay." Something about Dipper's VA just bothers me. Not like they're doing a bad job but that it falls into an uncanny valley my brain doesn't love. I really wish I could better explain why that show refuses to properly click for me.

Regular Show: I forget why but I've seen a few episodes. It's not bad but I don't think it's really for me. I find Rigby and Mordecai annoying more than anything else. Not awful but I think without it feeling like they're actually meant to be learning something, they fall into the trap Randy and Howard from Randy Cunningham fell into eventually for me where I was like "Okay, assholes can be fun for a while but if that's all you're ever going to be, I don't care."

Adventure Time: I have seen as many episodes where Fiona and Cake show up in that show than I have Finn and Jake. XD I have genuinely liked what I've seen and just for some reason never sought it out. Maybe someday.

Star Vs: I need to give S2 a chance but MAN when I got told they break up Marco and Jackie for NO REASON I lost a lot of interest in the show. I like Marco more than Star, and I've only seen S1, and thought Marco and Jackie's relationship was genuinely really nice and kind of unique. Also knowing it's most people's cartoon punching bag doesn't exactly fill me with enthusiasm for it.

Kim Possible: I remember rewatching the pilot a couple years ago and being shocked by how much I didn't care for Kim. I think the fact that Bonnie is the only one who gives her shit but she's actually just genuinely amazing at everything and liked by most make her just not compelling to me which is a shame because I have REALLY fond memories of the show. I'd probably commit to a rewatch of Danny Phantom first though since it has been just as long since I watched that.

(Weird fact: I was looking at Hulu's unfortunately limited amount of cartoons and saw they had Kick Buttowski of all things which is WILD to me.)

She-Ra: I've seen literally one episode, thought it was good, and definitely is one of the ones I keep telling myself to watch because everything about it seems like it'd be up my alley. These are also my thoughts on Voltron though with how much... less divisive that last season of Voltron is, it's definitely below watching Princesses of Power.

Ben 10: Loved the original series as a kid, tried the first two spin offs that came out and didn't really jive with either but I thought Julie, the tennis girl Ben gets with, was super cute. I know a friend who would LOVE to see me get into Ben 10 and do some reviews of it.

And just as an anime shout out, a part of me is still tempted to give Little Witch Academia another try. Not only is it just an obvious next show for me to watch but it's one I REALLY want to like because I like a lot about it... I just absolutely despise Akko from the like four episodes I watched a good number of years ago now. I thought almost all of the supporting characters were great though.

Just... Consider this my weird, rambly blog late at night about cartoons and the fact that I do wish I engaged with media better. One of the worst elements of it is that I don't engage well with scripted content well if my brain isn't already in an alright place. Like I don't go to television for distraction and cheering me up. I vastly prefer streams for that as I can actually turn my brain off during those normally. It's something I've talked about before and something I'd like to change. Heck, I even at one point had a therapy goal to watch something at least once a week since that'd still be easier than streaming or writing. Whoops. *sigh*

I do also appreciate the recommendations! The reminders are good sometimes since I don't feel like I actually stay in the loop all that well. And since I kind of assume this is the same person who sent a list before, I decided I felt like actually responding, especially because the MLP pitch is an interesting one but man... That's a LOT of Starlight Glimmer I'd have to put up with when just like six episodes of her as a good guy made me want to light both her and Twilight on fire to put them out of their, and mine, misery. That's without me getting into the fact that I just think the characters in general got worse by then, almost like series shouldn't last for that long because finding new angles on characters becomes REALLY HARD (says the dumbass with a series of his own that honestly is longer than he should reasonably plan a story for.)

Again, late night rambling while my brain deals with suddenly snapping out of a hyper focus on a game for three days and doesn't deal with that well. *sigh* Have a good night everyone, take care of yourself and see you next tale.

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I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.