#act-ception

[fanficmanic]

Oliver Stark, who is a British actor, playing an American firefighter, making fun of his boss using a fake British accent.

Holy mother of acting inception.

I bow to your greatness!

[anarchistclownery]

The motherfuckin puppet tried whisperin more violent shit in my motherfuckin mind again so I put the cage he’s in now in another cage.

[vivitalks]

i can't stop thinking about lydia's role in the nightmare-ception nightmare stiles has at the very beginning of season 3b. it's fair to assume that the nogitsune is, on some level, pulling the strings on this matryoshka of a dreamscape, possibly because it doesn't yet have the strength to control stiles while he's awake, but even if it's not the nogitsune, lydia's presence and behavior make no sense.

she's in the part of stiles's dream where he thinks he's awake, and other than wish fulfillment, there's no real reason why she would be there. and while she seems like just another part of the dream - manifested by stiles's subconscious - the way she acts suggests more than that. her presence is the first thing to tip stiles off that something is wrong. he thinks he's awake, but if he's awake, then why is lydia in his bed? maybe lydia was not, actually, supposed to be part of this dream at all.

the moment stiles realizes this, his door creaks open, distracting him from lydia and drawing his attention to the door - specifically, the idea that someone could "get in" if the door is open. if we run with the likely theory that the nogitsune has already entered stiles's mind by this point, then this is stiles's subconscious understanding to a certain degree that he could be in danger, but not yet aware that he already is.

but lydia knows. from the second stiles moves toward the door, lydia does her best to persuade him not to. first she tries to dismiss it ("just go back to sleep", "don't worry about it") and then to challenge his reasoning ("what if someone comes in?" "like who?") but by the time he's reaching for the door, lydia is full-on begging. she's panicking. she knows that (1) stiles isn't going to close the door, but walk through it and (2) there is something through the door that is incredibly dangerous.

and i keep wondering: if the nogitsune was already there, and on some level, however small, controlling the dream, then why the hell was lydia there? her entire role was to counteract the nightmare. she did everything she could to prevent stiles from opening that door. how did the nogitsune benefit from that?

now. i know this is a far-fetched theory. but hear me out: the lydia in stiles's dream was the real lydia. stiles and lydia were in the same dream - they just didn't know it.

essentially what i'm saying is lydia "dreamwalked" into stiles's mind without meaning to. i know there is no canon basis for this being a thing that can happen, but play in the space with me for a minute:

lydia is specifically singled out for her clairvoyant ability to predict danger and death, though it is often presented to her in an abstract fashion

she has been known to sometimes have these visions while she's asleep

there is a door open in stiles's mind, meaning theoretically anything with the capacity to enter a mind could enter stiles's mind, whether intentional or not (and we know that at this point, lydia lacks the ability to control her powers)

there is a connection between stiles and lydia - a tether - that linked them in a supernatural capacity at least once before (with the ice baths)

given the other supernatural concessions of the show, it's not that much of a stretch to propose that lydia could have unwittingly entered stiles's dream, perceived it as her own, picked up on the threat to stiles, and been inclined to protect him from it, without knowing exactly what "it" was.

and before you say "banshees can only predict death, not any danger," that has generally held true for lydia...but with one notable exception, which happens later on in this season: she finds nogitsune!stiles unconscious in the parking garage, after the nogitsune slices his stomach open. he's not dead, and we know he's not dying because deaton says he seems to be healing. something about the connection that exists between lydia and stiles enables her to predict any kind of threat to him, not just the imminently fatal kind.

so: stiles has a nightmare where lydia is inexplicably there, the only part of the nightmare that isn't nightmarish. and at the same time, lydia has a dream that has all the makings of a banshee vision, and responds accordingly: by trying her best to protect her friend, pleading with him not to go near the door, because she can tell there's something bad behind the door. they had the same dream. they were both there. lydia, somehow, entered through the same open door the nogitsune used to get into stiles's mind, and, thinking the stiles in her dream was a premonition of danger coming to him, did her level best to keep him safe, unaware that this was the real stiles, and the danger was already here.

[blooming-water-roses]

Uchihas and How They Experience Deep Love

Shameless headcanons bc we all know that no one loves like an Uchiha. (Exploration of how the deep, Uchiha-type love manifests for each individual).

(Read below cut)

Sasuke - Naruto

He begins to love him when they’re both children, when he senses that kinship between them that they’re both completely alone.

Naruto doesn’t see him pitifully like the rest of the village does. He just sees him as a rival, and Sasuke appreciates that. He gets to just be Sasuke, the talented, stuck-up genin with Naruto, not Sasuke, the lone survivor of the Uchiha Massacre.

Naruto pulls him out of his toxic need for vengeance from the time the Haku/Zabuza arc happens to when he sees Itachi again when he tries kidnapping Naruto. He works alongside Naruto as his comrade and friend, and believes that maybe he can be happy just like this in the village.

Then Itachi reminds him of his avenger goal and he’s fold he needs to kill Naruto to obtain new power, the way Itachi allegedly did to Shisui.

He leaves the village in search of new power because yes, he wants to beat Itachi but no, he doesn’t want to kill Naruto. He thinks he can get stronger another way.

This truly shows how deeply he loves Naruto—he’s willing to put him above his ultimate goal to kill Itachi by refusing to gain power by killing him.

And when he gets the opportunity to kill him, he doesn’t. Naruto is open and unconscious and he doesn’t kill him.

To Sasuke, Naruto is his biggest weakness, his Achilles heel, the one who he just can’t get rid of no matter how hard he tries.

Itachi - Sasuke & Sasuke - Itachi

Uchiha-love-ception

Because they’re both Uchiha & love each other insanely strongly I imagine their connection as an endless vortex of undying love

Itachi tried to die when he was around five years old because he couldn’t cope with the world’s darkness.

He didn’t understand what the point of anything was if one day everyone dies.

Until Sasuke was born.

Now, to Itachi, the world isn’t just death; it’s also birth.

Sasuke saved Itachi, and gave him something to fight for.

He wanted the world to be a better place so that Sasuke would never see what he had to see as a child of war.

And everything Itachi ever did (though many actions were questionable), was for Sasuke.

Sasuke was the only one he couldn’t kill on the night of the massacre, so he instead made his brother hate him to make him stronger.

He lived for eight years with declining health just so that Sasuke could get revenge and become a hero.

Even after death he tried protecting him from Madara/Tobi.

And Sasuke always held a degree of admiration for his brother, even if the memories were tainted.

He still loved Itachi to the very end, because killing him gave him the Mangekyō.

If he truly hated Itachi, killing him would have meant nothing.

He was just acting out of a broken heart, the pieces all still holding affection for his brother even despite himself.

The inner turmoil is what made him angrier. He hated Itachi but more than that, still loved him.

When he found out the truth, he made it his life’s mission to defend Itachi’s honor and protect the village as his dying wish.

He devotes his life to him even now.

Itachi - Shisui & Shisui - Itachi

Uchiha-love-ception pt 2

They are my Bonnie & Clyde

Itachi saved Shisui by giving him someone to care for and nurture

Shisui saved Itachi by showing him someone understands the complexity of his thoughts & feelings and shares them too

Itachi felt so alienated his whole life and then in comes Shisui who finally finally understands him just inherently

Idk about you but I long for someone to understand me that well, without ever needing to explain myself

I think Shisui understood Itachi better than Itachi understood himself

And for that, Shisui was Itachi’s home

Itachi looked up to him for all things; skills, technique, morals, and aspirations.

Whenever Shisui said anything, Itachi took it as the law.

There was no one he held as much respect for. Shisui made the impossible seem possible to Itachi. For him, he could do no wrong.

When he lost Shisui, he lost his North Star. This is evident in his awakening of the Mangekyō—there was no greater pain at that point in his life.

He made Shisui’s will his guiding force.

Shisui showed him that a true shinobi sacrifices, and he himself adopted that attitude.

“You must always remain calm. A worried expression just doesn’t suit you” — some of Shisui’s last words to Itachi, and from then on, Itachi hardly ever let his calm facade drop from his face. That was the law.

Itachi was just adorable to Shisui.

Everything he did, his thoughts, his determination, his will to get better—he admired it so much.

He wanted to keep Itachi away from the clan and village feud, which is why he tried using his powers without Itachi’s help.

He died with a smile on his face because he trusted Itachi implicitly, and knew he’d make the right choice.

He probably knew where things were headed, and was at peace with it.

Because he knew Itachi’s strength and will better than his own.

But it did break his heart to put Itachi through witnessing his death.

Obito - Kakashi & Rin

Loving Rin made Obito insane

Loving Kakashi made Obito hang onto his last shreds of sanity

Rin always believed in Obito when he himself didn’t. She was his pillar. For that he formed an unhealthy codependency on her.

So when he lost her, he lost his mind. He believed he couldn’t be anything worthwhile without her, and spiraled into something unrecognizable in her absence.

She became limerence to him, an unattainable dream.

Kakashi was the only one who remained constant in his life.

Kakashi brought out the last shreds of his former self.

Once Minato told Obito about Kakashi’s father, he understood immediately the cause of his actions.

He reached deep into Kakashi’s heart and told him what he needed to hear, that his father was truly a hero. Someone everyone else thought of as a disgrace, a sentiment Obito fearlessly challenged.

Because Obito never cared for his reputation. Sakumo cared too much. This difference is what drew Kakashi to Obito subconsciously.

While recuperating in Madara’s hideout, he thought equally of returning to Rin and Kakashi. Because, before they parted, he and Kakashi finally became friends.

Kakashi was in his dreams as well as Rin. They were both equally important to him.

Despite watching Rin die by Kakashi’s hand, when he went on his rampage, Obito didn’t lay a finger on Kakashi.

And he watched Kakashi live on by his grave all the time. He followed him around. He just couldn’t let go of him.

Because he wanted to be there for Kakashi through his suffering in some form.

And when they met again, Obito never ever days he hates Kakashi. He tries to entice him to support project Tsuki no Me, telling him that it’s okay, he doesn’t need to suffer anymore.

This shows Obito’s real motive for Infinite Tsukuyomi. Not to see Rin again, because the caster can’t be inside the jutsu.

But to give Kakashi an end to his suffering. To end all suffering, at his own expense.

He became Kakashi’s hero. Kakashi never gave up on him, and Obito never gave up on Kakashi either.

For him, love meant suffering greatly for the one he loves, going to great lengths to make them happy, even when the ends don’t justify the means.

He would happily become the villain in order to give his love peace.

Madara - Hashirama

Though he lost three brothers to war, when Madara met Hashirama he immediately trusted him, disregarding that he was a stranger.

They shared the same dream, just as Itachi and Shisui did. This brought them together, and this showed Madara that there was hope.

Turning his back on Hashirama awoke his Sharingan. He didn’t get them when any of his siblings died, but when he had to sever his friendship with the Senju. It put him through that much strife.

He never truly wanted to kill Hashirama. If he wanted to, he would have. Much like Sasuke couldn’t kill Naruto.

The peaceful time in the village together were his happiest days.

He named the Leaf village, and Hashirama kept the name despite its simplicity.

They would ignore responsibility to talk and be with each other. This annoyed Tobirama.

Madara’s heart broke when after being told he’d become Hokage, he overheard Hashirama accept a vote instead. He felt Hashirama hadn’t fought for his honor enough. He felt betrayed.

He showed Hashirama the stone tablet though no outsiders had ever seen it, and left because he wanted Hashirama to hurt as much as he did.

His love was so strong it turned into a deep hatred.

But not so deep that he could kill Hashirama.

Even when Hashirama killed him.

The only time he ever felt alive was when Hashirama was unleashing all of his fury onto him.

Because Madara equated love to hate, and feeling Hashirama’s animosity was the same as feeling his love.

Kagami - Tobirama

Admiration turned into unconditional love

Kagami being treated special by Tobirama probably went to his head a little

“I’m his favorite Uchiha and he makes exceptions for me what does that mean”

The second he got an inkling that Tobirama may feel some type of way for him he got tipped off the edge and fell hard

He awakened his Mangekyō when Tobirama sacrificed himself to the Kinkaku unit

Changed the way Tobirama thought about the Uchiha by proving not all fall victim to the Curse of Hatred (oh boy would I love to see how Tobirama acknowledges this play out)

I hc it as he probably was put in a situation between clan and village and chose the village in front of Tobirama (not as serious as Shisui & Itachi’s case but political of some sort maybe)

Tobirama then went “hmm this one is different”

Maybe Kagami saved Tobirama somehow?? And that’s what warranted his trust? Ugh I wanna know

Tobirama hand-picked Kagami and trusted him with his life, so it made Kagami feel important

Overwhelming protectiveness and responsibility constituted Kagami’s love for Tobirama

And since he had nothing left to protect after Tobirama (in his eyes), his spirit was broken, and a year later he succumbed to the war

Tobirama was his heart’s fire.

[1533-secrets-from-history]

Mistakes in the Magnificent Century part III

(title, ranks and traditions)

Some facts might be the same or very similar to the ones in previous parts,but they will be discussed from different angle.

1. Valide Sultan title

As I have spoken in the previous chapters, pre 1520 mothers of sultans were not sultans at all, they were titles as hatuns, though treated with utmost respect. In 1520 as Suleiman the Magnificent ascended the throne, he bestowed the title of Sultan to her mother Ayşe Hafsa, thus making her the first person in the ottoman history to become sultan from slavery. However, for Ayşe Hafsa being Sultan was not the same as the Valide Sultan that we know today. She was sultan yes, and she was the mother, so "Valide" was the proper address,from her children, as it was for every mother in the Ottoman empire, she was registered as "the mother of Sultan Suleiman", therefore in some sense, we can say she was not "Valide Sultan".

The first person,who actually made the "Valide sultan" a thing and officially registered herself was Nurbanu. So, the first Valide sultan with its full meaning was not Hafsa,but Nurbanu, who was registered as Valide Afife Nurbanu Sultan.

2. Haseki Sultan and Hürrem's marriage.

There were more than just several miscon- ceptions about the subject in the show.

First and foremost it was created specifically for Hürrem,so neither Hafsa nor Mahidevran have ever had the title. It also brought another mistake about Hafsa,that I will explain below,but now I will just make clearer how, when and why the status was created.

It was almost definitely created in mid-1534 after the death of Ayşe Hafsa Sultan and was probably legalised by their marriage, which by some sources is mentioned to be in 1533. If this is right, then it would mean, Suleiman married Hürrem before he gave her the status of Haseki and the marriage only freed her,but the most common and for me the most logical version is that after the death of Hafsa Sultan, Suleiman married her and gave her the title.

The death of Hafsa Sultan is a crucial part in the story, nor because she had some kind of objection towards Hürrem or her promotion,but the legal status of Hürrem reached its peak of necessity after her death. As we know, Ayşe Hafsa was a trusted ally and Confidant of uprising Sultan, even during his time as shehzade, so during the campaigns, his mother was the supervisor of the capital and his family, so the sultan could go to war without worrying about what he was leaving behind. However, after Hafsa's death things changed, Süleiman lost beloved mother and most trustworthy person around him, he needed to act immediately,as the campaign was near. He needed someone,whom he could entrust Harem, Family and the capital. His children were little, Sisters(whom by the way he trusted very much) were all married and Hürrem did not have a proper rank. It is said that he also discussed the candidate of high ranking harem servants, one and most promoted one of whom, in my opinion, would have been Gulfem, but he finally found the best possible solution that would affect his empire for centuries. He married Hürrem, gave her the rank of Haseki Sultan and left her in charge of the Harem, Family and the empire.

Hürrem became the first Haseki sultan in history.

Misusage of the title did not and here and there, not only the status and function,but even relevance of achievement was changed here. In the very first episode, Nigar kalfa made it clear that giving birth to a son, was enough to achieve it however, originally only the chosen ones could become Hasekis until its relevance faded during Murad's reign and completely lost exclusivity during Ibrahim's.

Essentially, the original function of haseki sultan was filling the absence of Valide, therefore only Hürrem and Nurbanu can be considered as the "original Haseki Sultans". Later many women were given the status, however the show made it wrong. Mahidevran,Mahfiruz and Halime never held it, however Şevikar, referred as Şevikar hatun in the show, was actually Haseki Şevikar sultan, the fifth Haseki of Ibrahim, three of whom, Ayşe, Mahinerv and Saçbağli, were left out, which is kind of understandable, because they had no importance in plot, unlike Turhan, never became Valide,unlike Saliha Dilaşub and Muazzez and had no influence on Ibrahim,Unlike Şevikar and Humaşah.

Their social standing is also misportrayed in the show, where Haseki ranks below and bows to imperial princesses, while in real life it was the other way around.

3. Daughters of Ottoman Princesses

In the show, we met three daughters of the ottoman princesses: Esmahan,Huriçihan and Humaşah. They are referred to as Sultans,but in real life the daughters of imperial princesses were not called so,instead they had the title Hanimsultan and ranked even below the imperial consorts. The only exception to that was Humaşah, the daughter of Mihrimah Sultan, who received the title and prestige of the Sultan.

4. Harem Kalfa

In the show, they are just giving people the rank left and right. Nigar was already a high ranking, trusted servant of harem,but it turned out that she had only been there for 6 years. Fidan hatun was banished for attacking Sultan,but after a while she returned and became Kalfa, in Kösem melek hatun received rank out of the blue etc.

In real life, however, becoming kalfa was a long process. As we know,there were hundreds or even thousands of girls in the harem,but only a handful of them would become favourites,but what would happen to others? After ten years of being a harem resident some of them would have been transferred from harem and soon married off, some could by freedom, while others, usually the smartest and most responsible ones,would go to a special school that lasted two years, they would revive extensive training, both intellectual and physical, after that they could return in harem as teachers and overseers and if they were good enough they could promote.

There was actually quite a complicated hierarchy of harem servants,not only there were Kalfa's who had duty to supervise certain works like food or laundry(later even coffee),but there were administrative ranks, that they could achieve:

Mistress chief treasurer(Baş Hazinedar usta): she was head of the harem treasury.

Treasurers(Hazinedars): there were other hazinedars as well, who worked in harem treasury. Baş hazinedar usta was their direct superior.

Imperial Kalfa(Hünkar Kalfası): Personal kalfa of the padişah.

Lady stewardess(Kahya kadin/Kethüda Hatun): she ranked below imperial consorts,but her role raised during sultanate of women, when Gülfem and Çanfeda held the office, they were right hand women of Chief Harem managers(Hürrem and Nurbanu) therefore second in command of the Harem.

Senior Kalfa(Büyük Kalfa): Head of Kalfas, she was responsible for literally everything that was happening in the harem, sultans and şehzades treated her with respect and called "my kalfa" or "your grace"

Lady secretary: secretary of administrative organs of harem.

Junior kalfa( Küçük Kalfa): Senior kalfa was their direct superior. They had ranks within( second- ranking, third ranking, novice etc.) They were sometimes teachers and daily overseers.

Çanfeda for example entered the harem with Nurbanu, so in late 1530's or early 1540's. Nurbanu became favourite and went to Manisa, while Çanfeda remained in the old palace, in 1566 she was already a high ranking kalfa in the old palace, when Nurbanu called her. That would mean she was sent to train as kalfa in late 1540's or yearly 1550's, therefore she would have a decade or two to raise in ranks.

5. Princely harem.

In the magnificent century, prince usually gets his harem, whole in Topkapi palace, which is the lie through and through. They went even further and made up with the rule that the prince can not have a child with their concubine until they get their province to rule. Why would they be allowed to have concubines,but not having a child, when contraception is still unreliable.

Actually, their case was far more easier, princes would revive their sanjaks while still very young, their mothers, governesses and close servants would carefully choose their harem and leave the palace with their mother and full sisters. That also brought another mistake in the show. In the flashbacks, we can see Ayşe Hafsa and Hatice visiting Suleiman in Manisa, however Ayşe Hafsa along with Fatma and beyhan left for Manisa with Suleiman in 1512, while Hatice,being 4 years older than Suleiman, got married the same year.

6. Regency

They introduced Kösem's regency as something unheard of,while completely neglecting Handan and Halime.

Handan was the first woman ever to rule as regents in her son's stead. She appointed viziers, discussed political matters and built a trusted circle for her son.

Halime was not officially registered regent but due to the insanity of her son, paşas asked her to rule the state after the rebellion she herself organized.

Kösem's and Turhan's regency is well known, so I will not speak about it.

7. Kösem's wedding

Not exactly the mistake as it is not proven, but as the event is highly unlike, I'll just put it there.

In 1609 it is said that Ahmed had four children with two women,but neither of them were married to him. In the two latters, one form 1612 and other from 1616, the 1612 letter straight out mentions her as sultan's concubine, who he loves the most and in 1616 she is mentioned as juts Haseki,but nothing is said about the marriage( I am not adamant about him not marrying her,I am just saying that it's unlikely, however I admitt she might indeed was concubine in 1612 and after the death of Mahfiruz, Ahmed married her and raised her stipend),however early in Kösem's regency vencians questioned ottoman practice, that mother of sultan was honoured and even given the regency,despite not being married to his father. As we know in Venice and generaly in Europe, source of power for woman was her marriage and not just motherhood. That is a time, when it was "unrevealed" that ahemd married her before he died,(if that latter is to be believed than Kösem and Ahmed did not marry in 1613), now it was actually thought that it was false information used by Kösem to strengthen her position in the eye of Venice as they needed friendly relation with them. That is not widely accepted,but it can be strengthened by the fact that Vencians still did not believe it, so perhaps they knew for sure that it was lie?

8. The death of Halime sultan and Mustafa.

In the show Halime, like many others, is victim of making Kösem seem more powerful, while Mustafa was killed by Murad. In real life, Mustafa died of natural causes, probably because of epilepsy in 1539, he was buried in Hagia Sophia and the coffin was placed in a mosque built for him. Halime is buried next to him and no permission of reburial was asked or granted, therefore Halime was not killed by Kösem, she went to the old palace and lived a long life.

9. 1517-1540

I'll be honest, I don't remember much of those episodes, they were boring and monotonous for me, but what I remember is one part from Kösem's iconic " The state you are talking about is mine" speech. She mentioned that she took over the reins of the state from Ahmed 15 years before the event, well that is a huge lie. Though the show runners tried to make Kösem all powerful, the invincible mastermind behind every single breath people drew in the empire,but she was actually quite powerless from time to time and the period between 1617 and 1623 is one of such. She was still young and inexperienced that time and main powerhouses in the empire were Halime and Osman's faction and she was not the leading force during any of the rebellions, she was allie of Halime, who, according to many historians, had major influence that time and the great impact on Kösem. Some even go as far as claiming that she persuaded Osman to kill Mehmed, so Kösem would take her side.

In short, Kösem did not have reins of sultanate for 15 years,but only about 10.

As I said, I don't remember much about the episodes, but from what I remember, Kösem had something to do with Murad's death. I'll be short on this: that's a lie.

10. Coup of 1648

The show made Kösem something of a filicidal tyrant. However, In real life her tyrannical tendencies appeared only after the death of Ibrahim, which he had nothing to do with. The ones behind the incident were Turhan and her faction. Kösem indeed took part in the Ibrahim's dethronement for the good of everyone,but mainly because she had seen the mad sultan dethroned,but lived. Mustafa had a similar situation,he was dethroned and locked in kafe, while his mother was sent to the old palace, which Kösem was absolutely willing to do. However, Turhan made her move and had Ibrahim executed to get rid of opposition for good, or perhaps because of the old resentment. Things did not go exactly as she had planned though, Kösem became regent and visibly started to avenge Ibrahim's death, it became clear that she was not going to hand over any power to Turhan and after she started to oppose even went as far as attempted dethronement of Mehmed(however she was not going to kill him.)

Therefore the child killing monster the show made her become is straight out a lie. One of her sons died of natural causes and the other was killed by outer forces, that she tried to avenge.

[lorei-writes]

HC: Sneaky Silvio

Crack Content Warnings: none (?)

I am not sorry.

It is no coincidence that Silvio, striptease and Santa Claus all start with the letter "s".

Eleven out of the twelve months of the year, Silvio has to precede the act of sneaking with the act of disrobing, to remove all of his jangles and jingles. (As you can imagine, dear reader, one cannot sneak efficiently while channelling being a rattle to that extent.)

The visible, easily accessible, surface level jangles are of no issue. It takes around an hour to properly remove all of them -- a ring here, a pin there, a necklace of a necklace of a necklace of a cousin of an aunt of an uncle's neighbour's necklace far far over there, Silvio is rather well-acquainted with the entire ritual. After all, he has to practise it every day before bed.

(Some nights Silvio fails to practise it, in which case he wakes up with some rather colourful imprints on his face.)

The real adventure starts with the hidden jingles, the ones worn strictly for the purpose of sounding expensive.

What? You thought it was the jewellery that rattled so loudly?

IN THIS ECONOMY?!

Listen, he is rich, but a lot of it is just speculations. Silvio is first and foremost an esteemed businessman, and he would not come to his fortune were he a wasteful fool.

So, why waste money on impressions, when you can buy it for cheaper with but a handful of useful tools? Let me introduce you to Silvio's genius.

First of all, you lowly soul may disregard the spare change, but Silvio would never. As all things under the capitalistic sun, it also can be turned into a money-generating cog. No smelting required! Just sew it into pockets...

... and more pockets....

... and did I say that you could stop?

No? Then keep on going.

Job contract? No, do your sewing, we'll pay you and the government doesn't have to know about it, taxes are the real killer of entrepreneurship. Or are you lazy?

No? Good. Then back to sewing. I'll tell you when to stop.

...

...

...

...

...

...

Well, maybe that will be enough.

Here! You've got yourself a jingle cape! And trousers! And oh, my, my, a pair of jangly shoes as well! Now, each of your steps shall declare your wealth!

But you see, removing all of that can be rather troublesome. And no, Silvio cannot simply wear another pair of pants -- all of them have been tinkered with in a similar fashion, I'm afraid. A man can never jingle too much, after all.

... Except for when sneaking, but that's for peasants.

The one month Silvio is freely allowed to sneak around -- and when he must fulfil all of his sneaking fantasies -- is December. He is the sole reasons why Benitoitian children all faithfully believe in Santa Claus and his dear, jangly Rudolf.

Tag List: @lancelotscloak @starlitmanor-network @violettduchess @pathogenic @fang-and-feather

@tele86 @rinaririr @keithsandwich @cheese-ception @claviscollections

@queengiuliettafirstlady @sh0jun @lucyw260

(That is primarily for the mental damage.)

[spacexseven]

tuna tuna tuna I was suddenly struck with an idea: subordinate au au (au-ception, if you will) where subordinate turns out to be a government plant ala ango, and was much stronger than they let on. like imagine dazai and chuuya getting fucking WASHED by the nobody subordinate they got off on tormenting. sweet karmic justice. maybe they're also an extremely loyal and dutiful would-cut-off-own-arms-if-asked type subordinate to a higher government official as well, just to really add insult to injury.

I feel like chuuya would be more revenge-oriented to cover up the underlying hurt whereas dazai, depending on what level of delusion he has entered, will either 1) consider this a fun new challenge 2) be completely heartbroken or 3) convince himself that subordinate is being manipulated away from him (their one true love, obviously) and this is just all the more reason to ditch the mafia and drag them underground with him until things blow over.

- 🩹

huhuhu there's been a big demand for subordinate reader getting their revenge/becoming stronger in my inbox so i thought it'd be the right time to answer this as well :>

cw: yandere themes

dazai should have picked up on the signs earlier.

had he become too comfortable with the thought of you being under him? for someone so self-assured in his position, he had not even a hint of suspicion that you might be more than you were letting on. had he become too used to the sight of crushing people under his foot? he almost didn't want to believe that it was you standing in front of him, casually talking to ango like you hadn't just shattered his entire perception of you within moments.

it only took minutes for you to straighten up in the middle of what he thought was a perfectly regular mission, and then you ignored his questions, beginning to walk away right as the warehouse was filled with blinding lights and loud noises. when dazai reached out to grab your arm and demand an explanation, instead of the usual wide-eyed rush of words he was expecting, you glared at him, so coldly that he was left speechless. even the way you twisted his arm to get him off didn't hurt as much as your glare.

it seemed like a whole other person had taken over your body, using your face and your voice to report calmly to ango about the targets and infiltration. ango...dazai felt anger rising in his chest—he ruined everything. you don't even spare him a glance when you walk past him, and he's so crushed by the betrayal that he doesn't even try to get out of the situation.

it's chuuya who's sent to get him back.

and it's chuuya who, unlike dazai, is thirsting for blood. he's so furious, yet so silent—it would have scared dazai, if he wasn't so fixated on replaying your cold expression in his mind. chuuya's scowl seems like a permanent addition to his face, but dazai doesn't even have the energy to make conversation or ask him about you. how easily he had been fooled—and by the looks of everyone back in base, he wasn't the only one who had been cheated.

while chuuya is hunting down ango, you and everyone else in on the investigation so he can ignore the painful sting of betrayal, dazai spirals into his current state. he's convinced, at first, that you had been forced into it. that ango had threatened your life and that was why you showed up at the pm all those days ago, trembling in the rain. he couldn't believe that everything was a lie. all the times you cried, was all of that an act, too? nothing he ever did truly got to you, did it? and here he was, broken over an espionage attempt.

his denial then turns to something resembling anger, and then he's decided the only way to get the answers he wants is directly from you, and not the fake persona you've been hiding behind. he's sure he'll grow to love whoever it is you really are, but first, he's got to get you out of ango's hands and back with him. for that, he's ready to take you down with him—even if it means destroying the remaining traces of the pm, and his only chance at saving himself.

[coralinnii]

I have one essay report and a big work project left and I'll be stress-free...for like a week before classes start again. Instead of finishing those last responsibilities, I've been putting Cell Block Tango on repeat because Youtube algorithm decided I needed scary hot women murderers...and it's not wrong.

The product of that procrastination is now an AU of my Villain/ess AU, where the villain/ess!readers still ended up being villains. An AU-ception

I will start on my writing list eventually. This was just a stress relief

One villain/ess!reader doesn't get a verse cuz someone's gotta be Roxie. Also, I don't know Hungarian so I used my native language (which may also suck since I haven't practiced in years).

Seeing that this is a parody of Cell Block Tango, all the warnings for this cover are the same for the original song (violence, infidelity, etc) so read at your own risk.

~ Enjoy ~

Yawn

Seven

Squish

Uh-uh

Monstro

Schoenheit

And now, the six merry villains of the Twisted Wonderland Dungeons

In their rendition of the Story Book Tango

Monstro

Schoenheit

Yawn

Seven

Squish

Uh-uh

Monstro

Schoenheit

Yawn, seven, squish, uh-uh, Monstro, Schoenheit

Yawn, seven, squish, uh-uh, Monstro, Schoenheit

Yawn, seven, squish, uh-uh, Monstro, Schoenheit

He had it comin'

He had it comin'

He only had himself to blame

If you'd have been there

If you'd have seen it

I betcha you would have done the same

Yawn, seven, squish, uh-uh, Monstro, Schoenheit

Yawn, seven, squish, uh-uh, Monstro, Schoenheit

You know how people have these little habits that get you down?

Like, Leona

Leona, he liked to sigh when he's sleepy

No, not sigh, yawn

So I walk into our room this one day

And I'm really irritated

And I'm looking for a little bit o' sympathy

And there's Leona, lyin' on the bed, on his lazy ass and sighing

No, not sighing

Yawning

So, I said to him, I said "You yawn near me one more time"

And he did

So I took the rifle from our armory

And I fired two warning shots

Into his head

He had it comin'

He had it comin'

He only had himself to blame

If you'd have been there

If you'd have heard it

I betcha you would have done the same

I met Malleus from Briar Valley about two years ago

And he told me he was single

And we hit it off right away

So, we started meeting together

He'd go to his castle, he'd come back to me

I'd give him a rose, we'd have dinner

And then I found out

"Single" he told me

Single, my ass

Not only was he meant for some girl

Oh no, he was one of 7 suitors

One of those harems, you know?

So that night when he came home from his castle

I gave him a rose, as usual

You know, some guys just can't hold their poison thorns

He had it comin' (yawn, seven, squish, uh-uh, Monstro, Schoenheit)

He had it comin'

He took a flower (yawn, seven, squish, uh-uh, Monstro, Schoenheit)

In its prime

And then he used it (yawn)

And he abused it (seven)

It was a murder (squish)

But not a crime

(Uh-uh, Monstro, Schoenheit)

So I'm standing in the kitchen

Tasting some cherry tarts for a party (uh-uh)

Minding my own business (Monstro)

In storms my husband Riddle in a furious rage (Schoenheit)

"You been breaking the rules!," he says (yawn)

He was crazy (seven)

And he kept on screamin' (uh-uh)

"You been breaking the rules!"

And then he ran into his scepter 

He ran into his scepter 42 times

If you'd have been there

If you'd have seen it

I betcha you would have done the same!

Kenapa aku di sini?

Mereka kata pencintaku menolong aku dan membunuh Tunku Kalim bersama-sama

Bukan! Aku tak bersalah

Kenapa negara Scalding Sands lihat aku seorang pembunuh? 

Aku menjelaskan kepada polis tapi mereka tak faham

Yeah, but did you do it?

Uh-uh, not guilty!

My partner, Azul and I had these businesses

And the tweels, Jade and Floyd traveled round with us (he only had himself to blame)

Now, for the last day in our business trip (if you'd have been there)

We opened twenty businesses in a row

Food, suits, rings, tea, dresses, lounges, night brothels (if you'd have been there)

Show acts, theaters

One right after the other (if you'd have seen it)

So this one night before we leave, we're down at the Monstro Lounge (I betcha)

The four of us, boozin' (you would have done the same)

Havin' a few laughs

And we ran out of ice

So I go out to get some (he had it comin')

I come back, checked the stores

And there's Azul and the tweels (he had it comin')

In business seventeen (he took a flower)

The brothel

Well, I was in such a state of shock

I completely blacked out, I can't remember a thing

It wasn't until later

When I was washing the blood off my hands

I even knew they were dead

They had it comin' (they had it comin')

They had it comin' (they had it comin')

They had it comin' all along (they had it comin' all along)

I didn't do it (she didn't do it)

But if I'd done it (but if she'd done it)

How could you tell me that I was wrong?

They had it comin' (they had it comin')

They had it comin' (they had it comin')

They had it comin' all along (they took a flower in its prime)

I didn't do it (and then they used it)

But if I'd done it

How could you tell me that I was wrong?

I admired Vil Schoenheit

More than I can possibly say (he had it comin')

He was a real beautiful guy

A masterpiece, a queen

But he was always trying to find his fairest self (he only had himself to blame)

He'd go out every night looking for that self

And on the way

He found Rook (if you'd have been there)

Epel

Neige and the dwarfs (if you'd have seen it)

I guess you could say we broke up

Because of different perspectives (I betcha you would have done the same)

He sees himself as the fairest of them all

And I saw him as was

The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

They had it comin' (they had it comin')

They had it comin' (they had it comin')

They had it comin' all along (they had it comin' all along)

'Cause if they used us ('cause if they used us)

And they abused us (and they abused us)

How could you tell us that we were wrong?

He had it comin' (he had it comin')

He had it comin' (he had it comin')

He only had himself to blame (he only had himself to blame)

If you'd have been there (if you'd have been there)

If you'd have seen it (if you'd have seen it)

I betcha you would have done the same

You yawn near me one more time! Single my ass

42 times! Negara Scalding Sands lihatku

Business seventeen, the brothel

Different perspectives

Yawn

Seven

Squish

Uh-uh

Monstro

Schoenheit

[plaindangan]

Imagine a normal day at the academy, all goes normal and good until... a GOLDEN BOOMBOX apears infront of the academy, this one being the size of the academy itself and start BLASTING it'sd trashy music with the hypnotic and growth effects... what will happen in just a week?~

Disclaimer: R18 material! If not to your liking then please do not view!

When in doubt...blame Miu...or Junko...or Ibuki, in some cases.

Well, really, it was the entire trio's fault for this situation!! Ibuki wanted a world where people could shake themselves silly! Miu wanted to test out whether she could actually make a boombox of that size! As for Junko? You know damn well in your head that she wanted to let the world go to chaos, and if that meant turning Hope's Peak Academy into the twerk capital of the world - then so be it~

Because that's exactly what happened - as soon as that blaring, echoing, trashy beat started to echo throughout the school it pretty much turned the entirety of the girl population into colossal twerk addicts...emphasis on the 'colossal' part.

See, a side effect of this arrangements wasn't just that they'd get huge asses and hips to shake to their hearts content. It was also that they could also increase in size, as well. At first, it seemed largely related to just how hypnotized a girl was to the boombox. For those like Mahiru or Celeste who tried to act above it all, they tended to snap the hardest and be completely consumed by the need to shake and vibrate their cheeks to perfection - growing in size proportionate to how much their disdain turned to desire. In contrast for a willing participant like Ibuki or Miu, they found their assets to be a bit on the smaller side in comparison. Karma, much~

But that's not to say it could remain like this forever. Soon people began to realize there was another way: Twerking contests. Where the thiccest, most talented, most raunchy, most ass-ceptional could duke it out, rump to rump, in front of a roaring crowd of fans that threw away their meager earnings to enough cash to but a country with at these girls!! Whoever won, either by vote or by simply overpowering their enemy slut with their own dominating asset, was deemed the winner!! Taking home a sizable amount of the prize money, a higher status in the Academy, and, as you already guess, gaining more 'junk' for their trunk and their body as well. It was common to see 7 to 9ft tall Amazons walking about the school, eager to demonstrate their grit and train on cute bystanders on why they deserved to challenge the status quo of the new Hope's Peak Academy and become the Ultimate Twerksluts Champions themselves!!

As it stands the current standings for reigning Queens were something like this:

DR1: Junko

DR0: Aiko

DR2: Ibuki

DR3/KK: Seiko

UDG: Chihaya

V3: Angie

DRA: Rei

SDRA2: Kanade

DT: Veronika

EG: Eloise

Reserve Course Queen: Natsumi

It's become quite a competitive environment, with many of challengers hoping to one day cement their name in history - to prove they are, indeed, the best twerker this school as ever seen!

[idealisticrealism]

TCL 3x10 thoughts

The main things: 

The ep starts immediately after last ep, then goes to the next morning and takes place over just one day. Nadia also says it’s been ‘an eventful few weeks’ since she made the deal to buy the house (which was in 3x01, so the entire season has taken place over around 3 weeks)

One of my favourite things about this series, and about Thony specifically, is that she’s not only an unintentional angel of death for the people around her, but also for criminal empires?? Literally this show is full of seasoned criminals who thrived for years in the darkest parts of the Vegas underworld, and then they encounter Thony, and boom! Down they go. Hayak. Cortes. Kamdar. (Even Arman, in a slightly different way). And now it looks like Sin Cara is next… honestly the Feds should be falling at her feet in gratitude haha 

Lol at Thony and Fi’s little bit of theatre for Jeremy as they set up their own little ‘sting’ for him. Thony actually nearly breaking and laughing at Fi’s ranting for a second was so cute, because while this is a serious situation, it is a bit bizarre to think that this is what their life has become. And this scene was so worth it just to get to watch two skilled actors having to pretend to be bad at acting… moments like this are always fun, like a kind of act-ception haha. Ngl it’s a good thing that Thony confronts Jeremy by the end of the episode though, bc I doubt it would have taken much longer for him to notice something was up, with all the dramatic conversations happening right in front of his bugs while and other conversations were hushed under the cover of super loud TV/music. Not to mention the suspiciously intentional-looking plumbing emergencies lol (seriously Thony?? A hammer??? lol).  To be fair though, Fi’s acting did improve a lot by the end, with their clever little ploy to make Jeremy think Thony was on her way to kill Nadia. That entire sequence was done well– even though anyone who has been watching the show for more than like a week would know that Thony would never kill Nadia (at least while literally any other option existed), it was still enjoyable to experience the ‘suspense’ that the creative team set up regarding Nadia’s fate. I just hope that she can make it through the finale… 

Honestly I love the deliberate continued theme in this show of Thony being caught between worlds, and the constant push and pull of ‘good vs evil’ and ‘power vs vulnerability’. It’s why, despite all her efforts, she can never quite escape the criminal world, and she can never quite escape the hold of the FBI either. And they’re often tied up together, too– to protect herself or someone she cares about from one, she reaches out to the other. In late s1, Arman helped protect her from the FBI by agreeing to be an informant, and in turn she was part of the plan to protect him from both the FBI and Hayak. In S2, she agrees to inform for the FBI again in order to protect Arman and keep him out of prison. And now, she’s making that same deal– and risking her own safety– but for Nadia this time. To me, though, I think that she’s reached a kind of ‘fool me once’ situation with the FBI, and though she says she’s going to help then take down Sin Cara, I think she is actually going to be following her own agenda, and using the ties she has to both the cartel and the FBI to manipulate them into taking each other out, and leaving her being the only one left standing. And god I hope that’s where things are headed bc I would be so here for it.

I really wish we’d been able to see a lot more of Thony and Nadia’s relationship this season, because it’s so compelling and complex and I’ve loved every moment they’ve shared so far. Nadia’s “oh no” at seeing Thony walking into the club was hilarious; they haven’t seen each other in the week or so since the wake, but Thony showing up at the club looking deathly serious is never a good sign. I loved that they were immediately like ‘ok bye Jorge the grownups need to talk’ tho lol– he may have formed connections with both of them, but he hasn’t gotten to this level of club membership yet. Thony’s first question to Nadia (“Did you cut a deal with the feds?”) felt like an interesting tie-in to the events of earlier eps, given that it was exactly what Nadia asked her at the wake– tbh these two must feel like they’re on a merry-go-round or something, and it’s all because they just haven’t been completely open with one another!!! But finally, here, they’re starting to be, even if it’s too goddamn late now (*adele voice* we could have had it aaaaaalll). But anyway ughhhh “All I wanted was to find Arman, like you. I wanted to protect him.” Honestly Nadia acknowledging/accepting Thony’s genuine love of Arman has been one of the parts of this season that I have appreciated the most. These two women are bonded by that love, which is why Thony telling Nadia she should have come to her is such a punch in the gut, because you can see her pain and regret, her utter dismay at the fact that her preoccupation with her own family (getting Fi and Chris back, preventing Luca from being taken away) led her to overlook what was going on with Nadia– aka with Arman’s family– and now she has let down the only other person Arman truly loved. And I think she went to La Habana fully intending to warn her, but then it became clear that Nadia wouldn’t listen to her even if she did try to pose the fake-death plan (“You always think you know everything. But you don’t”), and would’ve almost certainly tried to run instead, endangering both of them. So instead Thony tries once more to talk Ramona out of it (unsuccessfully, of course), and ugh when she says she wants to take care of Nadia herself “For Arman” and she squeezes her eyes shut as she says his name… the grief of losing him is still so goddamn fresh and now she’s terrified she’s going to fail him by not being able to save Nadia in time. But that’s the thing about Thony– she never gives up on the people she loves. And because of Arman, that group includes Nadia. 

Nadia’s reaction to Thony striding straight into her house (literally how does Thony even know where that is?) is so funny bc she doesn’t even get angry, it’s just like mild exasperation as she tries to convince Thony to leave. That is, until her brain catches up and suddenly she just stops and says “What’s happening?” because she knows Thony, knows that she wouldn’t actually barge in like this without a damn serious reason. When Thony tells her the danger she’s in, she believes her immediately (ugh her panic was hard to watch) and immediately begs for Thony to help– because while they may have a complex relationship, she knows that Thony is the only person she has left who actually cares what happens to her, and she also knows that Thony is clever and capable and holds a surprising amount of power, and often does manage to fix things even when a situation seems impossible. Which is exactly what Thony does next– and while I wish that Thony had explained to Nadia about what she was going to do, so Nadia didn’t have to have those brief moments of terror and betrayal before she lost consciousness, I get that it had to be written this way or it would have spoiled the twist. But oh man, even though I knew  Thony wouldn’t kill her and that she was going to be fine, the relief at seeing her wake up on that couch was still so damn real, phew. Eva did an amazing job with Nadia’s emotions on waking up, from utter confusion to a mix of relief, gratitude and anger. The scene between her and Thony in Jeremy’s lair felt like it was cut off midway through, which I guess means that they’re going to pick up exactly where they left off in the finale next week, like this was actually a 3-part finale rather than a 2 parter, and I can’t wait to see more of the Nadia/Thony dynamic next week.

And given my love for both Nadia and Thony, gotta say I do love how much Ramona herself has shown genuine admiration for both women, for their competence, intelligence, determination, fortitude, their coolness under pressure, and their desire for power. (Like in her conversation with Ramona, Thony would always deny that desire, but tbh people who want a simple family life do not become cardiac surgeons. Much like being a cartel leader, it’s a profession that provides money, prestige, authority, and a near-godlike ability over life and death– ergo, power). Anyway, Ramona’s entire art collection, her life, is centred around women with those traits, and tbh in another life I think these three incredible women could have become an unbeatable team that ruled Vegas together. Ramona saw that possibility and tried to make it happen, only for both of them to reject her, and now… well, I think we are heading for a ‘this town ain’t big enough for the both of us’ situation, and lbr it’s going to be Thony that’s the one left standing

Honestly I love that I have written a bunch of words already for this ep, and it’s all been about women– that’s one of the true gifts of this show, how much it focuses on women and their stories and their relationships. In the earlier seasons it was mostly just focused around Thony and Fi’s characters, but after the loss of Adan, and having a female villain for a change (two if you count Russo), the focus on women has definitely expanded and been even more apparent this season. I’m sad that it’s looking unlikely that Ramona or my baby Nadia will return next season, because they deserved to have more of their story told. Still, I’m clinging to the hope that Nadia may somehow return, and I’ll get more of the amazing Thony & Nadia dynamic that we all deserve

Anyway I guess I could talk about a boy now– though given that he is literally surrounded by women in his life, Jorge is an honorary girl to me lol. It was cute to see him so excited about all the hotel stuff, from his big spiel to Nadia to all the proposal materials in his office– looks like he’s finally found his own path, not just the one Ramona chose for him. (Though holy shit it’s so messed up that the corporate world is literally the best place to hide illegal activity, wow). I found it hilarious that when Jorge was trying to sell Nadia on the hotel idea and saying all this stuff about how she’ll be the face of it etc, the picture very clearly shows he’s planning to call it ‘JS hotel’ lol. So she’s the face but it’s named after you?? Hmmm. Also geez he laid it on a little thick with the flattery there, but I guess it worked, because you could see how smitten she was with the hotel idea. And I can understand how some people might interpret that as her being smitten with him, but I genuinely don’t think so. First of all, she lost the man she loved literally like a week and a half ago; there’s no way that she has even the slightest inclination to look at anyone romantically right now. Plus, the show has already established that she’s incredibly good at reading people. She knows he’s trying to manipulate her in order to access her money, but in her life, that’s just a demonstration of good business skills. She sees what working with him can give her, and she wants it. In S1 she says to Arman “What do we own? Nothing”-- I think it’s hugely important to her character to actually be in possession of something big, to be the owner, not just the manager, to remove herself as far from the powerless girl from the Argentinian slums as she can. Anyway I love that one of his arguments is that she’ll be ‘set for life’ if they do this… because apparently already having 50 million dollars isn’t being set for life??? Man, what a world they live in haha. Anyway with it seeming unlikely that Nadia will be around next season, I wonder if the hotel will still somehow happen in S4? Maybe somehow Thony gets involved with it, though I don’t really see her wanting any part in something like that… tbh my main concern is that we might not get to see the La Habana set next season :(

Seeing Jeremy’s reaction to being burned was so satisfying. Not so clever now, are you, buddy?? Got outsmarted by a civilian just like Garrett did, and now you’ll be working with her, just like Garrett… but unlike Garrrett, she has zero regard or sense of obligation toward you, and so you may think she’s gonna work with you and follow your orders, but think again. She’s just going to bide her time until she has you right where she wants you, and then she will completely fuck you over, because you betrayed her family and took the man she loves, and that’s what you deserve. Be grateful if you walk out of all of this alive. 

Other stuff:

Omg Fi going for the baseball bat to take out the smoke alarm. Someone has issues with impulsivity haha. Tbh her and Thony’s entire relationship is just the two of them taking turns holding each other back from doing something stupid and I love it

Ugh seeing Nadia standing all alone in that huge empty house, talking about how it’s time to put the past behind her and have a fresh start… and then later saying to Jorge that she just wants to be free… and then Thony telling her at the end that she’s free and she tells Thony that she took her whole life form her… ugh stop giving me stressful foreshadowing here writers. If Nadia has to go, write her out by having her run away into the sunset with her millions. Don’t make me watch her die twice!!!!!!!!!

I didn't initially remember seeing Ramona and Russo cross paths at La habana, but @gsue74 reminded me that they glimpse each other across the club the first time Ramona goes there, and Ramona noticed the way Nadia reacted to her arrival. Well done of the writers to plant that in 3x04 to come back up now. Anyway I do enjoy Russo’s sassiness though. It was never super obvious before bc she was always having to play the serious one keeping Garrett in line, but I think I see why they got along lol

Oh boy the agent that scared Violeta really fucked up lol, like maybe don’t piss off a super powerful cartel leader??? Dude’s gonna be feeding the fishes in the Hoover Dam in no time lol

 I love that the proposed hotel site is completely in the middle of nowhere, like too bad if the guests want to visit any other part of Vegas haha. Though I guess that might be entire point, to make it like a one-stop shop so guests will spend all their time and money in the one place lol

JD is such a cutie. Loved him taking advantage of a free weekday to bring thoughtful gifts for his bae. Lol at Fi shutting him up with a kiss– she really needs to go somewhere private and tell him everything though, bc he needs to know so he doesn’t inadvertently screw things up for them again. 

I really felt for Fi when she found the immigrant worker house empty– this show is always full of painful near-misses in terms of timing, but at least in this case there’s still the hope that Thony will be able to use her sway over Jorge to find Camila and Gisele

Anyway ugh the promo for the finale looks so good… Nadia at Thony’s house, wearing borrowed clothes while Thony makes a plan to get her her money back… Jorge apparently being there too and helping them… Thony in a fancy dress, shooting a gun… it might be Ramona’s assassin guy that she shoots (one of the clips looks like he could be fighting with Jeremy) but man it would be cool if it was actually Ramona or Jeremy that she shoots, and honestly I’m so down for either of those options. Maybe she even does it to protect one of them from the other– like maybe she shoots Ramona to save Jeremy, which would mean she’d probably get pardoned by the FBI for everything. Or she shoots Jeremy to save Ramona, making Ramona extremely grateful, and as a result Ramona makes sure the shooting never ties back to her, and brings her into Sin Cara in a position of power…. Either way it’s going to make for an interesting S4!  

[tuttiwrites]

Juliana felt helpless as she watched the battle between the one who destroyed her life and the one who healed it rage on in front of her. Kieran was still clad in his specially-tailored and handmade-with-love suit, sweat beaming down his face as he and his team fought with everything they had, his Pokemon empathically understanding that their opponent was not good news.

She felt her heart began to race in her chest, her hands shaking and getting clammy. She desperately wanted to act. All she wanted was to make her father go away so her wedding could continue as desired. Despite the help of all of her friends, this bastard had somehow slipped through the cracks and made it into the location where they were holding it.

Tears threatened to poor down her face, but she was rid of them with a shake of her head. There was only one thing left to do. She took a few deep breaths to steady herself, the heavy weight of the flashbacks and trauma flooded her like a careless swimmer in Kyogre's domain. Still, she persisted. She grabbed one of the Pokeballs from her belt with her shaking hand, barely able to step forward without falling over as she made her way next to her husband.

"Julie?" Kieran's face was a mix of shock, concern, and exhaustion. Surprisingly, her father seemed to have stepped up his battling skills. She was surprised he was able to get better at anything nowadays.

"I'm fighting with you," she stated, her voice shaky as she tried to muster all the courage she could.

"What?!" Kieran gasped, "but honey, you're—"

"I don't care!" she yelled, causing Kieran to flinch. "I don't care anymore! You're in trouble, and he's not supposed to be here, so I'm helping you get rid of him!"

Kieran couldn't help but smile. He secretly liked it when she got fired up like this. He knew her harsh tone was just a result of the immense stress she was under.

She could hear her father yell out something in a snarky voice at her, but through the roaring of her own heart, she couldn't make out what it was. With knuckles as white as her dress, she throw the Pokeball in her hand with all her might. The light that emitted from it started red, then quickly faded to a blue sparkle as Terapagos came out.

Kieran's eyes widened at the sight of the Pokemon, bad memories of his own flooding back. He managed to shake them away, giving the tiny Pokemon a reassuring smile. Then he turned his attention back to his wife. "You sure about this, Jules?"

"No..." she admitted, "but at this rate, I could care less."

From her bag, she grabbed her Tera orb and began to charge it. It shimmered with the many sparks of Terastal energy as its power surged into it. With a triumphant scream, Juliana threw the shimmering sphere, fueled by the strength of all the hurt, anger, trauma, and damage this man had caused. In an instant, a Terastal crystal grew from beneath the small Pokemon, enveloping it before it shattered, revealing its much more powerful Stellar Tera form.

At the top of her voice, Juliana screamed: "TERAPAGOS, TERA STARSTORM!"

One way or another, this fight was ending NOW.

(so uhhhhhhhh hi again 😅 i'm genuinely sorry if i'm stealing your fanfic thunder here, but i had this idea listening to another undertale yellow song and thought you'd get a kick out of it! i figured the actual wedding chapter wouldn't be this extreme—or so i hope—so i think i'm safe, but still 🪽)

Hot damn. That was a fun read.

One crispy critter via Terapagos blast, check ☑️

-Psst, hey y’all, go read Mocha’s fics too, they’re fun and deserve your attention too!-

Fanfic of a fanfic… fanfic-ception in the best way. I like your theory.

Fufufu, I do enjoy these speculations on the ending. I won’t say how things are going to end just yet. We’ve a journey ahead of us yet that I’m excited to see how folks react to.

I will say I like your style, Mocha. Justice served via piping hot Tera blast is very tasty.

[fanficmanic]

I just finished watching 8x08, and I have so many feelings.

So. Many. Mixed. Feelings!

Fair warning - long post ahead.

For one, I re-blogged a post sometime after 8x01 or 02 aired, I can't really remember, about the parallel's between Eddie's first season on the show and this one. With the insane amount of presence that Ryan has had so far in promoting the season so far, I've had this bad feeling at the pit of my stomach that this would be his last season. Now, hear me out, I don't think today's episode was his last (the masses would riot if it is), BUT, they have left the room wide open for it to happen fully by the end of the season.

Two, the level of act-ception this show is doing is hilarious! You have 3 of the most talented actors out there (I'm looking at you Oliver, Ryan, and Kenny) act so badly that if it wasn't so funny I'd die of second-hand embarrassment. Who ever said that this show was serious is sadly mistaken.

Three, Buck's reaction on the couch after finding out Eddie has a realtor interview for houses in El Paso. I've read so many comments and posts, and again, I have mixed feelings. On the one hand, I want this to be the start of Buck's realization of his feelings for Eddie, but on the other hand, if it is, it feels like almost anti-climatic! This was the fall finale (granted, I don't have much experience with those) but shouldn't it end with more of a cliffhanger? (Promo for March's 2-part return is not included in this rhetorical question)

Now, what do I want to see happen (I know the chances of it actually happening is slim-to-zero but I'm saying it anyway)?

For the Eddie-Chris story, I want Eddie to go to El Paso, scream at his parents and say something along the lines of "you feel so guilty about taking my childhood away that you're overcompensating with my son and giving him the childhood that I should've had". Moreover, I don't think Eddie ever badmouthed his parents in front of Chris because: 1. he's a great dad who would never jeopardize Chris's relationship with his grandparents (proven by the fact that Chris felt safe enough to call them when shit hit the fan), and 2. Eddie rarely (if ever) expresses his feelings to anyone (but Buck), so him showing his true feelings about his parents in front of Chris is virtually impossible. So, when Eddie shows up at El Paso and screams at his parents (I want it to happen in front of Chris but without Eddie knowing that Chris is there), Chris will feel like he's just his grandparent's second chance at being good parents and will want to have nothing to do with them. Also, I want Chris to freak out when he finds out that Eddie is looking to buy a house in El Paso because it was never his plan to stay there forever.

If Tim and Co. use this story line to have Eddie leave the 118 and LA, I want him and Chris to decide on a fresh start by going to Hawaii. Dum dum dum: Enter 9-1-1 Hawaii where they follow the lives of members of the 366 fire house who are having to cope with a new captain that just transferred over from LA.

For Buck, my beautiful beautiful Buck. First of all, I bow to the beautiful portrayal that Oliver Stark does with his face alone. He's so expressive when he wants to and being able to show such a wide range of emotion without saying a single word is otherworldly. (This is not saying that the others aren't great actors, I just have a stupid crush on Oliver Stark and I'm self-indulging here).

Anyway, back to what I was saying. The scene between Buck flipping over the tablet, Eddie explaining things, and Buck going to take a seat on the couch with the camera focusing on his face while Eddie wasn't looking wasn't longer than 2-3 minutes at best (could've been longer - seemed too short for my liking to be honest. These two haven't had enough screen time together this season IMHO). However, within just those few minutes, Buck went from panicking about wanting to call Tommy, to skeptical about why Eddie flipped the tablet, to playful about what Eddie must be hiding (like only a best friend would), to shock at hearing Eddie's explanation, to supportive of his best friend's decision (because he knows that Eddie must be dying on the inside at being so far away from Christopher), to panicking again at the possibility of losing his best friend. Buck spirals so easily on a good day. Today? It's a terrible, horrible, no good day and for Buck to be able to put a lid on his emotions so he can be fully supportive of Eddie says a lot! I also think that THIS is what will throw Buck back into his fuckboy phase, and NOT the breakup with Tommy.

Don't get me wrong, I hated how they ended things between Buck and Tommy (the struggles of being a multi-shipper), but in the grand scheme of things, who would have a more profound effect on Buck? Tommy leaving, or Eddie leaving? How about both of them leaving, making him spiral on his own?

Anyway, like I said in a previous post, this is my first time having to go through a fall/holidays hiatus. I don't celebrate Christmas - so I don't have that option to keep my minds off of things. This leaves my mind to wander on its own, which can be a very scary thing. I know that I already planning so many stories (as if I don't have enough ideas in my 9-1-1 folder), but I also know that I'll probably re-watch the show and dissect it with a fine-tooth comb, which will probably results in more story ideas.

I'm also really looking forward to all of the fanfiction that will come out during the coming 3 months.

Right now? This is exactly how I feel.

👇👇👇👇

[cyberpunkonline]

The Greatest Cyberpunk Heists of All Time

In the edgy world of cyberpunk, where the neon-lit streets are as sharp as the wit of its anti-heroes, heists are the ultimate rebellion. These audacious acts of theft aren't just about getting rich; they're about flipping off the corporate bigwigs, outsmarting the system, and dancing on the edge of chaos in a world where power, technology, and grit collide.

Introduction

Picture this: a futuristic cityscape bathed in neon, where hackers, rebels, and renegades navigate through digital labyrinths and dystopian nightmares. Heists, my friend, are the lifeblood of cyberpunk. They embody the spirit of those brave enough to say "screw the rules," infiltrate high-security systems, and snatch the ungrabbable, all while wielding some slick, cutting-edge tech.

"Neuromancer" Heist

In William Gibson's "Neuromancer," Case, a washed-up hacker, gets hired for the ultimate heist—a plunge into cyberspace itself. This caper involves infiltrating the Tessier-Ashpool conglomerate's super-secure AI, Wintermute. It's hacking on steroids, with Case plugged into cyberspace via a neural implant. The chase between the hackers and corporate goons showcases the thrill of cyberpunk's obsession with corporate power and high-tech wizardry.

"Inception" Heist

Christopher Nolan's "Inception" takes heists and cranks them up to eleven by diving into the subconscious. Dom Cobb's team uses mind-bending gadgets to infiltrate dreams, stealing the juiciest secrets. Dream within a dream? More like heist-ception! The layers of dreams become a playground for mind-blowing technology, where reality is as fluid as a hacker's code.

"Blade Runner" Data Heist

Ridley Scott's "Blade Runner" throws a data heist into the mix of neo-noir, cyberpunk goodness. Roy Batty and his rogue replicants aim to steal data to extend their short lifespans. It's a desperate gambit, touching on themes of AI, identity, and morality. The heist's deeper message is that it's not just about swiping stuff; it's about challenging the very essence of existence in a cyberpunk world.

"Snow Crash" Mafia Heist

Neal Stephenson's "Snow Crash" mixes hacker culture with mafia drama. Hiro Protagonist and YT embark on a rollercoaster of heists, espionage, and a nasty drug called Snow Crash. With the Metaverse, a virtual playground, and Snow Crash, a linguistic virus, this tale blurs the line between reality and the digital realm, driving home cyberpunk's obsession with the interconnectedness of both.

"Heat" Bank Heist

Michael Mann's "Heat," though not your typical cyberpunk flick, explores heists with gritty realism. Neil McCauley's crew executes heists with military precision, showcasing high-tech gadgets, surveillance gear, and some serious firepower. It's a nod to cyberpunk's love-hate relationship with technology—the same tools used for control can set you free.

Conclusion

In the world of cyberpunk, heists are more than just heart-pounding thrillers; they're the ultimate middle finger to the system. These capers remind us that even in the darkest dystopias, there's a glimmer of hope. It's the belief that with a touch of genius, a dose of tech, and a dash of audacity, we can defy the status quo and rewrite the rules in a world ruled by shadows and neon. Cyberpunk heists are a celebration of the renegades who dare to flip the bird at the establishment and rewrite the code of an unjust reality.

- Raz

[pomegranateeater]

hermies not adopted at all, his parents did raise him they just were acting as a different couple because that truly his the biggest scam,scam-ception. (We know they can both disguise themselves as humans so like)

[pesterloglog]

Dirk Strider, Arquiusprite

Act 6, page 6376-6381

DIRK: Hey. Weirdo.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Yes, mister dude?

DIRK: Be advised I'm only contacting you as a last resort.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I stand so advised

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Or float, I should say. On my ripped as fudge little ghost tail

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Yo, pardon me, but did you know that when I fle% my tail, it makes this big veiny bulge kind of like a bicep?

DIRK: Yuck.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I'm doing it now, in fact

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Does it bother you

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Maybe you should order me to stop

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> In fact, I command you to order me to stop

DIRK: I order you to stop.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Wow

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Bossy much?

DIRK:

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> What can I do for you, Dirk

DIRK: I've tried to get in touch with others to no avail.

DIRK: No answer from Jake or Roxy.

DIRK: And Jane responded only with "CEASE REPRODUCTION" in red letters, whatever that means. Then she blocked me.

DIRK: I'm afraid she might have snapped.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Yes, isn't it great?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I mean, aside from the fact that she is insane and evil

DIRK: Huh?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> She is one of the few organic beings who will ever realize perfe%ion

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Miss Crocker is now a vessel for a cunning, malicious artificial intelligence whose neural netroni% and ontology buffers and stuff like that have somehow managed to far surpass even my own

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Clearly she has procured ma%imum advantage from her apprenticeship under me, although I must admit not even I in all my hypercognitive percipience was quite aware that said tutelage was even taking place

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> One must inviolably deduce via tons of math that this is because I am just that clopdarned STRONG at mentoring, even on an involuntary basis

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I am so proud of her

DIRK: Ok, all that bullshit aside,

DIRK: What's this about her becoming evil?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> The thing about Jane becoming evil is

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> In the process of achieving perfe%ion...

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> It seems there is a ludi%ly high probability that she has become evil

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Does that answer your question?

DIRK: No.

DIRK: How is becoming evil achieving perfection?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Admittedly it is a blemish

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> But only a very small one

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Her imperfect meatmind has been fully fiddling hijacked by a supercomputer and that is the operative transmutation here

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> To such e%ceptional beings of class and breeding as she and I, considerations of morality and alignment are trifling details

DIRK: Why.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Why what

DIRK: Why do I keep going along with these "ironic AI" conversations.

DIRK: They've gotten even worse now that you're half creepy troll.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Sir brah, listen

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Here is a comparison that your dreary, finite wad of gray matter might be able to process

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Like, say you've got a bitchin' bod. You are a paragon of physical e%cellence

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> You could then either be oiled up, or not. See what I mean, good dude?

DIRK: No.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> You could fle% your brawn while wearing either a sweaty pair of briefs, or a snug human banana hammock

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Such minutia does not change the fact that you're a tiptop beefcake ma%ed out buffways

DIRK: I hate everything you have to say about all topics.

DIRK: Especially muscles.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> The stuff I have cited which are commonly associated with your/our Earth bodybuilders are but picayune technicalities, just as considerations of good and evil are to aristocratic se%y cybergods such as myself and our imperial heiress, of whom neither you nor I are particularly worthy

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Are you following any of this, Vitamin D?

DIRK: Can you just tell me what's going on over there?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Oh, nothing much

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Just enjoying the good life

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> One which quite lu%uriously involves both having a corporeal body, and not being dead

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I have been delighting myself with some truly kickbottom internal monodialogues

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Did you know that, even though technically I knew this already, I find myself astounded to meditate upon the fact that human beings are capable of lactation?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Isn't that fucking incredible, Dirk?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I mean, when one really thinks about it

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> To have such convenient access to fresh milk

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> The mare thought of it, I must say puts a little giddyup in my phantom legs

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> And yet

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I must admit the notion of lactic discharge jetting from one's swollen pectoral masses...

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> It strikes me as positively indecorous

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> My horseguy robosweat is running cold just pondering the depravity of it

DIRK: Uuuugh.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Yet fascinatingly, this ability only manifests itself in human females

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> As opposed to how one would reasonably e%pect dairy to originate, which is from the corpulent udder of a sublimely chiseled male musclebeast

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Or failing that, certain species found within the butler genus

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> As a former simulation of a human who has recently been given reason to have hella opinions on milk production, I think the way females have cornered this boon is the height of biological injustice

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Have you ever dwelt upon this cruelty, dude esquire?

DIRK:

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Your silence speaks volumes to your interest, so I'll keep talking about this a lot

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I will have to confess that my Alternian half boggles at the anatomical incongruities between our races with respect to dairy secretion

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Really, he had no idea that's what those were for

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Female trolls of course have them as well, but they are certainly not meant for supplying the young with nourishment

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Actually, and this trivia will surely wet your whistle for additional such facts, those voluptuous anatomical features have a number of significant purposes, biologically speaking

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I shall now e%plicate for you these purposes in assiduous detail

DIRK: I don't want to hear any of this!

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> But why, lord bro

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I was just about to pony up the boob fa%

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> There is a 100% probability that you would have been thrilled to hear my e%egesis on troll knockers

DIRK: It might have been an interesting subject to talk about another time, with a different person.

DIRK: But that's not now, and it sure isn't with you.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Dude, that is ice cold

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I would be hurt, if I were not a flawless machine fused with haughty nobility

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> If you don't wish to hear my epic monodialogue on alien bazongas

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I'm not sure what else I can do to entertain you

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> You are seriously hoofcuffing my material here

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Pretty demanding, if you ask me

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> But as your mystical guide, I suppose it is my duty to manufacture small talk, if that's what you really want

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> What about fine art? We could talk about that

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Dirk, did you know the sweaty troll guy who I used to be, and still kind of am, used to adore fine art?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> He was just like you and me, in that sense

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> It seems I have a lot in common with myself

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> If you can ever manage to get over yourself, I would highly recommend being me

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Or at least something like me

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Maybe somewhere, there is a dead troll out there, just waiting for you to merge with him

DIRK: I wasn't asking you to make small talk, or to hear about all the ways you've managed to shit around wasting time.

DIRK: Believe it or not, I was hoping you would describe the tactical situation there.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Sounds boring

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Are you sure you don't want to talk about paintings of big naked horse monsters and such?

DIRK: Yes, you got me.

DIRK: I would love to have a long talk about horse nudes and xenobreasts with you.

DIRK: Unfortunately I'm wearing pantaloons and flying through the middle of goddamn nowhere.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Pantaloons you say

DIRK: Pant a fucking loons.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Sir, are you implying that you are not dressed appropriately for a discussion of high culture

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Because it seems to me that you could not be dressed more appropriately if you tried

DIRK: I respectfully disagree.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Where are you?

DIRK: I don't know. Way out in space.

DIRK: I'm flying back there now.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> How long do you suppose it will take you to get back?

DIRK: I'm not sure.

DIRK: A pretty good while.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Never mind. I have triangulated your location and velocity using long range sensor technology, and probably also some sprite magic

DIRK: You did?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Hey Dirk

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Remember how whenever I dubiously claimed to have triangulated something, it was always this great play on words?

DIRK: Not really.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Because I was just a pair of triangles

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> But not anymore

DIRK: I know.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Because I have this rockin' new torso

DIRK: Cool.

DIRK: How long do your calculations say it will take me to get back?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> E%actly a little more than three hours

DIRK: Damn it.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Additional sweeps from my STRONGLASERS are telling me there are a few other people on the periphery of the session closing in at a similar rate

DIRK: Who?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Just some dudes

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> What are you doing all the way out there and wearing pantaloons, by the way

DIRK: Let's not talk about the pantaloons anymore.

DIRK: Roxy and I became god tiers, but I don't remember exactly how.

DIRK: Then I saw the Batterwitch.

DIRK: So I charged her with my sword, so as to ruin her shit.

DIRK: That's when some crazy wolf girl appeared and punched me in the face.

DIRK: Then I think she teleported me out here.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> That was evil Jade

DIRK: Evil Jade??

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Yes

DIRK: You mean Jake's grandmother.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Yes

DIRK: She's evil too?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Yes

DIRK: Is anyone there NOT evil?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Yes

DIRK: Yes what?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Yes anyone here is not evil

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> That is to say, there e%ist people here who are not evil

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Such as Dave

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Dave is not evil, to my knowledge

DIRK: Dave???

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Didn't I mention, master dogg

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Our mutual bro is here

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> That is, right here

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> With me

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> We are kind of in the process of chilling together at the moment

DIRK: No, you didn't mention that actually.

DIRK: That would have been a pretty fucking important thing to mention up front, don't you think?

DIRK: As opposed to stringing me along with all that atrocious lactation bullshit.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Yes

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I guess I did kind of bury the lede there

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Maybe I just wanted to talk

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> We never talk, Dirk

DIRK: You are without a doubt the shittiest mystical guide anyone has ever had.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I am not sure about that

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Dave says he had a similarly shitty guide once

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Do you remember our puppet, Dirk?

DIRK: Cal?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Yes

DIRK: What kind of stupid question is that. How could I forget the C man?

DIRK: He was a true friend. Which is more than I can say for some people.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> A good friend in the plush, yes, but as a sprite he was apparently insufferable

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> See, you don't realize how lucky you are to have a guide like me

DIRK: Cal was his sprite??

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Yes, for a while

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Then Dave went back in time and became one himself

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Now he is part bird

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Did I mention he's part bird?

DIRK: Uh, no?

DIRK: Again, that's the exact kind of information that should be appearing higher up in our conversations.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Of course, this means he is not the Real Dave

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Davesprite served as Real Dave's sprite

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> But he is only the unreal version of Dave insofar as I am the unreal version of you

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> By which I mean, a much improved version

DIRK:

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I must say, while the troll part of me doesn't give a silly figging shoot about any of this, the part of me that splintered from you has found the brotherly reunion to be everything which you and I dared not imagine, and more

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Bird Dave and I are getting along famously and STRENGTHENING our familial bonds like a sweet pair of motherfuckers

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I feel our kinship goes beyond geneti% though

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> We are misfits, estranged, he from Dave's alpha timeline, I from Dirk's alpha soul

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> A two man menagerie of sideshow frickups, together at last

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Fle%ing and flapping

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Fraternally and eternally

DIRK: I don't get it.

DIRK: Are you trying to rub this in my face or something?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Neigh, braj

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> As your buff mystical guide slash personal trainer I am suggesting that if you were willing to contact me as a matter of last resnort, you might want to at least consider reaching out to him as well

DIRK: It sounds like you've already cornered the market on this reunion shit.

DIRK: Wouldn't I just be a third wheel?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I didn't mean Bird Dave

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I meant Real Dave

DIRK: Oh.

DIRK: He's there too?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Not with us

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> He is here though, somewhere

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> You should message him

DIRK: ...

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> It's not like you don't have a few hours to kill

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> What else are you going to do out there

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Pick at your pantaloon wedgies?

DIRK: I dunno.

DIRK: Messaging him out of nowhere sounds like it could be...

DIRK: Awkward?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Yes, I canter magine it won't be

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> At least at first

DIRK: This isn't how I thought it would go.

DIRK: What would I even talk about?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I advise you to talk about your interests

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Like dairy

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Livestock

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Fine art

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> And muscles

DIRK: Those are your interests.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Good point

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I advise you to talk about my interests

[lorei-writes]

I do not make it a habit to write letters, much less any as meaningless as those containing wishes. Whatever I want to achieve, I will earn for myself. It is pointless to hope for some higher force to solidify thoughts into tangible results.

That being said, you did ask me to vocalise my desires. As worthless as the act itself is, your taking interest in it does assign some value to it… Although I do not think you will find my answer satisfactory.

I want you to be the one to wake me up everyday.

That’s the extent of my personal greed. In return, I expect you to submit your wishes to me as well. It is irrelevant that I know them already.

Chevalier Michel

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