#abusive women

[thedepressedweasel]

My egg donor: *beats me up, pulls my hair, grabs my arm and violently jerks it around, tries to murder me in cold blood, calls me names, plays favorites with her kids, brainwashes me into her fucked up worldviews, forces me to live up to her unrealistic beauty standards, bullies me, harasses me, forces me to be her slave and do things for her, etc.*

Me: *defends myself and starts fighting back against her abusive tendencies*

My egg donor: Why are you so mean to me?!? Did school teach you to do this?! YOU'RE A BIG FAT MEANIE AND YOU KNOW IT!!!! YOU!!! HAVE!!! NO RIGHT!!! TO DO THIS!!!!!!!!!! You're supposed to be an imaginary version of yourself instead! A SWEET LITTLE GIRL WHO WOULD BE SO HAPPY TO BE ABUSED BY ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

[taxidermydolls]

when he says im gaslighting him so i hit him in the face with a brick (i was gaslighting him)

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Ali Bracken

Published: Jun 9, 2024

A victim of alleged coercive control says there are different standards applied to male and female victims of crime in Ireland

A gardaí invest­ig­a­tion into the alleged coer­cive con­trol of a man by his wife is at an advanced stage.

It is under­stood officers in the south of the coun­try have examined a lit­any of abuse claims by the man with text mes­sages, voice notes and emails all part of the invest­ig­a­tion.

Speaking to the Sunday Independent, the man explained the barriers he faced coming forward and his belief that many others are “suffering in silence” because of societal stigma about men having crimes committed against them by their partners.

David (not his real name) has split from his wife. The couple have three children and were married for more than a decade.

David alleges his wife’s controlling behaviour began soon after they married and gradually got worse over time.

She became “fixated” on a false belief that he was being unfaithful to her and she would routinely check his phone and accuse him on a daily basis of cheating on her.

He was the sole breadwinner in the household and said she would regularly “berate” him for not being a good enough financial provider.

He eventually decided it was in both his and his children’s best interests to separate from his wife.

“I spent a year on the couch and finally decided enough was enough. I physically couldn’t take it any more. It was daily, non-stop abuse,” he said.

“Initially I just felt very relieved after I left. I was able to talk about it for the first time to my family. I’d never told anyone about it before.

“I thought after we separated, things would get better. But unfortunately it got a lot worse.”

This narrative soon gained traction in their local community and some of David’s friends and extended family started to believe her claims.

“She victimised herself. And some people automatically believed her. I felt I shouldn’t have to defend myself but people in my community began to look at me differently and I was even physically attacked by one man about it,” he said.

David added that “by far” the biggest problem he has faced since the couple separated is his belief she has turned his children against him.

David now has a new partner but he said his ex-wife has repeatedly followed him around in her car, sometimes with their children in tow, while abusing him about his new relationship.

“She has said things to the kids like, ‘He has chosen a woman over you’. They’ve said these things back to me. She has completely turned one of the kids against me. And another one of my kids seems to be half-way there,” he said.

David alleges his estranged wife has used their children’s phones to abuse him.

“She’s also taken my kids’ phones and sent me abusive messages pretending to be them, saying things like, ‘you’re a shit dad, a deadbeat dad.’ It’s been very hard to take. Being followed around has been very unnerving. And it’s not fair on my partner either,” he said.

He has made a number of complaints to Tusla, the Child and Family Agency, about issues concerning his children while in the care of their mother. It is understood gardaí have been in contact with the agency in relation to some of these matters.

In recent months, David decided to make a complaint to gardaí about his ex-wife as he began to feel overwhelmed by what he describes as the “constant” abuse and her following him.

However, he said the garda he spoke to in his local station dismissed his allegations at the front desk, “telling me to sort it out myself”.

He said: “If the shoe was on the other foot, I think a woman telling gardaí about this kind of thing would be taken much more seriously from the beginning. But I was laughed out of it initially.

“I went home and called the charity Men’s Aid. They arranged for a garda sergeant to come to my house and take my statement. I’ve been happy since with how the matter is being handled by gardaí.”

​It is understood that gardaí are preparing to send an extensive file to the DPP in relation to the investigation. Officers have been provided with text messages, voice notes and emails “of a highly abusive nature” as well as alleged evidence of online financial theft perpetrated by David’s estranged wife.

It is understood that a range of criminal charges are under consideration. These include coercive control, harassment in the form of stalking, as well as theft.

“I couldn’t get a protection order because it wasn’t physical abuse and the fact that I’m a man went against me essentially. But if this situation was in reverse, I’d already be locked up,” said David.

“There are two different standards in this country for men and women who are put through this. The issue is that there is not enough help for men.

“This is not about me trying to punish her or wanting to see her sent to prison at all. All I want is to stop looking over my shoulder. And a healthier situation for me and my kids. I just want the abuse to stop.”

==

This must be part of that "male privilege" we hear so much about.

[overlookedsurvivors]

Yep

[impulsivelycontentious]

My mother would hit my dad, and when he would catch her harms to stop her, she would start screaming that he lay hands on her. I saw it more than once. She would threaten him with weapons; including a sledgehammer which she used on his car once. My mother is a nasty piece of work. Sometimes women are. She liked to lean in to the independent woman thing.

I don’t know how many boys follow me, but I gotta bet there’s some. I just wanna tell y’all to be careful.

Abusive girls exist and what they’re doing is seen as like “badass tough don’t take no shit” but your girl should not hit you. Ever.

She should not demand for you to hand over your phone to look through.

She should not yell at you and humiliate you either alone or in front of people.

She shouldn’t make you distance yourself from your friends or family.

She shouldn’t scratch you or twist your arms.

She should not call you names.

She shouldn’t tell you ‘she’ll kill herself if you break up’

These are just a few examples of abuse and it’s just seen as okay when girls do it and god knows I’ve fallen victim to it a few times, but you shouldn’t have to.

Never worry about not being in a relationship. If they’re worth it, they won’t hurt you.

No one has the right to hurt you.

[qabbie]

women choose their choices, choose their lives. No 1 to blame but themselves.

I'm convinced that God put women's brains in backwards. They're not only illogical, they're anti-logic. Women are a lot of work. Plus, they choose to never change & listen. So why should men listen to them? Why should men change just for women. They shouldn't. Men, don't give away your power. Women are definitely not God or godesses. Any woman over 25 and single, divorced has issues they choose not to face.

[vague-humanoid]

@el-shab-hussein @huzni @startorrent02

[seapomelo]

Dumbing down a cunt is very effective. Even the so called smart women are just that: women. For sluts like you thinking is very hard since you evolved to shake your tits and make yourself fuckable. If I start thinking for you, your decision making will soon consist of thinking how to best suck my cock.

[thedepressedweasel]

I hope my egg donor dies a horrible death for all those things she has done to me TBH

[coffeecatcraze]

It is not lost on me that Charlie and Vaggie were initially not doing great against Adam and Lute...and then proved Carmilla was so fucking right.

Vaggie is absolutely FUCKED here. She's been in this position before, with Lute looming over her spitting vitriolic judgment, Vaggie's blood on the ground. Back then, she couldn't stop Lute from taking away her wings, her eye, her home, and her purpose. But now? She has more than that; she has love, because she has Charlie.

When Lute threatens Charlie, everything changes. Vaggie fucks her up immediately...and shows "mercy" knowing that being forced to live with part of herself gone (her arm was CRUSHED, no way was she getting it back), the shame of defeat, and the knowledge that someone she's been looking down on so completely is responsible for it all is a fate MUCH worse than death for Lute.

And Charlie? Charlie's insanely powerful but has no clue how to use her power to its full potential because she's never had a reason or desire to fight until now. Even when she's being strangled, when she's pissed-off and vengeful, she can't really tap into that power. But then Adam comes at her dad and is about to catch him off-guard.

He's about to hurt—possibly kill—her dad, who she's finally building a good relationship with; her dad, who just showed up to protect her despite the risk of politically turning this battle from an act of defiance by a willful princess to an act of full-on rebellion by the King of Hell himself. She reacts on instinct to protect her father and stops a hit that destroyed Alastor's shield. And she does it effortlessly.

Carmilla was right. For these ladies, at least, the need to protect someone they love, no matter what kind of love it is, is exactly what rallies them to come at enemies who were just kicking their asses and absolutely dominate.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

More:

My brother was with a girl who threw things at him and constantly hit him. And he would just stand there and take it because he didn't want to hit her back knowing what the result would be. My sisters didn't like that so they went after her. Huge fight among them, but my brother still didn't break up with her. She finally chose drugs over him and left. At least for my brother we all believed him. But I doubt other people would.

His current GF (might be an ex now, waiting to hear back), hit him and then threatened to tell the cops he hit her. She's an alcoholic and would fight everyone. She went after my niece and they called the cops, and the first thing the cops did when they got there was arrest my brother, who had just gotten home from work. My mom came out screaming at them that he didn't do anything. But that's how bad it is, they go after the first male they see for a domestic violence case when it was between two women,!

-

I was 15, sexually abused by my manager at my first job, one of the biggest fast food joints, Not once, but four times. Someone spotted the abuse and reported it to corporate and she got a promotion. I quit and my father ignored it. Police said the company handled it. Men who are abused are ignored... because it’s not “supposed to be possible”

-

I once had to do a presentation for a gender studies sort of course, and so having a friend who was abused by his girlfriend I chose to discuss the double standard in physical abuse. You'd think I was the devil incarnate - the women in the class glared and glared and glared for me raising the possibility that a woman hitting a man should be taken seriously.

-

My dad went through something like this. She threw plates and a bunch of other random objects at him, he was bleeding in several places and she called the police.

Despite that me and all of her kids told police that she was the aggressor they didn't care. He was arrested and a restraining order was on him before he even got out a few days later. We ended up homeless and lived in an old boxing ring for about 2 weeks before our local church helped out.

It was also his 3rd time dealing with police completely ignoring him when a woman was aggressive. It made me feel like women could just do anything they want as I grew up and I completely avoided them and relationships in general for a long time.

I'm 38 now and it still makes me uneasy

-

I lost my virginity bc a girl (who I had said NO to) mounted up and rode me while I was passed out drunk. I woke up from what I thought was a wet dream finishing inside her with no protection. It messed with me pretty hard because I'd been trying to save my virginity for a serious girlfriend or someone other than just some girl I barely knew. Not to mention the fact that I had no idea if I was about to be an unwilling father (thankfully that was not the case).

My friends just kind of said "well...at least you got laid, right?". I can't really blame them because it took a while (like, years) for me to even realize that what happened was clearly rape. Wrapping our college-age heads around the fact a guy could get raped was tough, I guess.

I also got sexually harassed by a pair of women at a job in college and telling people about it was met with attempts to high-five me.

-

Laughed at, mocked, put down. Even had video of her hitting/kicking/ abusing me and people just made fun of me and the situation even worse. It was not real to them.

-

The sexual abuse hotline counselor asked me if I was even into women when I told her what happened and then made excuses for her bc “she was drunk and acting on instinct”.

-

Tried to tell a few people. No one really believed me in my circle of friends. They were able to convince their friends that I was the abuser. The last straw was when they used a taser. That shit hurts and left burns. That truly was the last straw because it left enough evidence that I could use to document the abuse and get out. Without physical evidence it was word against word and as the male, no one believed me.

-

They didn’t believe me at first. And then they saw her do it to me. Her friends believed me before my own friends did. They said that they knew she was like that and that she was aggressive and physically abusive to them sometimes and her own mother.

I was with her for 18 months of hell. At first it was normal and cute and fun and then she started being really strange. First it was telling me I couldn’t have friends who are girls. Then it was I couldn’t have friends. Then it was the hitting and punching and kicking me. She said she was pregnant before she was pregnant and didn’t let me use protection with her and if I wasn’t into fucking her then she’d just fuck me anyways.

The kicker that really stuck with me all these years is when she was beating the fuck out of me and accidentally called her mom and she heard her yelling and screaming and thought I was hurting her so she called the police and her parents and police both showed up at my house asking if everything was okay and if I was hurting her. She said confidently “He didn’t hurt me I was hitting him” and the police and her parents both just kinda accepted that and told her to leave my house and go back to her parents for the night. No arrests. No talking to her about how wrong it was. Just a slap on the wrist after flat out telling police she was hitting me. Didn’t ask if I wanted to press charges. Didn’t ask if I was okay. Just were relieved it wasn’t me hitting her.

-

I had been attacked by now ex wife. I said something that made her mad and it wasn't the first time. She hit me in the back of the head with a rolling pin. I yelled and the neighbors called the cops. When they arrived I was still beading. I was then handcuffed and sat on the curb while they investigated the issue. My ex eventually confessed she hit me because she was mad at me. I never raised a hand at her during the incident but I was then taken to the police station and I was booked. I was released the next day after they determined i wasn't the aggressor. I was told on my release that if I antagonize her again its my fault and I deserve what I get.

-

Continued:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jidoph/men_who_are_abused_by_woman_and_tried_to_tell/

=

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duluth_model

The feminist theory underlying the Duluth Model is that men use violence within relationships to exercise power and control.

According to the Duluth Model, "women and children are vulnerable to violence because of their unequal social, economic, and political status in society."

Criticism of the Duluth Model has centered on the program's sexist insistence that men are perpetrators who are violent because they have been socialized in a patriarchy that condones male violence, and that women are victims who are violent only in self-defense.

https://home.csulb.edu/~mfiebert/htdocs/assaults_bib343_201307.doc

Abstract: This bibliography examines 343 scholarly investigations; 270 empirical studies and 73 reviews and/or analyses, which demonstrate that women are as physically aggressive, or more aggressive, than men in their relationships with their spouses or male partners.  The aggregate sample size in the reviewed studies exceeds 440,850.

#SystemicSexism

[whitediamondfairy]

This is one VERY typical radfem/TERF tactic: calling women who don’t lick her toes “pick me”, “whore”, “hungry for cock / male attention”, etc. They’re so entitled and misogynistic that they cannot conceive the idea that us women don’t have to agree with them, and assume we only tell them off because we want guys to look at us.

Radfems/ TERFs only want female slaves who will never question their tantrums, their meltdowns and their tyrannical behavior. They don’t care about women’s well-being at all, never have, and never will.

[lazylittledragon]

my absolute favourite genre of transphobic propaganda is when the caption is like “look at this poor, confused little girl who was forced to mutilate herself :(” and the picture is just the hottest man you’ve ever seen in your life with a full beard and a body that would make thor weak at the knees

[misandresther]

[queerautism]

Unironically I have a solution to this - Encourage young women to also read Lolita by Nabokov in addition to these books.

[yujateaandpi]

Gobbled up the Dandadan anime and manga recently and absolutely adored it all. Not only does it feature the most likable and strongly written female characters I’ve ever seen in a shonen, it discusses extremely pertinent themes about consent and bodily autonomy from a lens of female solidarity while also elevating healthy relationships with kind communicative male characters who respect boundaries. It’s wacky, fun, gorgeous, and super refreshing.